#things sure went down and happened.

[brbarou]

finished the farseer trilogy......call an ambulance

#?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??! speechless #things sure went down and happened. #i love starling and fitz's relationship ❤️ they're so cute #the fool kissing fitz farewell....auaubaubauabauaaa my honest reaction #kettricken you will always be famous. if there's a will there's a way! fuck that dragon!! #too much procreating was going on btw. actually insane #the molly/burrich fade to black cutting to verity saying I'm sorry my boy to fitz was hysterical i laughed out loud #wauwhwuwuauwwauwuw #time for the liveship trilogy??? i guess??? what the fuck???? #rote #.txt

[spruce-and-snow]

You know, upon my first watch through I didn’t realise how quickly Jimmy permadied. Or more, I didn’t clock how much still happen after he died. But by watching other pov’s I started to notice how much happened after. And the nice thing about the countdown is that it’s easy to determine how long it actually was (if you can keep track of your pov’s deaths and kills). I used Grian’s pov because he does his intro when the time is still paused.

Grian’s timer starts at 06:22:36. By the time Jimmy dies, Grian has died 3 times and killed 6 people (including Jimmy) putting him back where he would have been if he hadn’t died or killed anyone. When the lightning strikes Grian’s timer is at 05:52:32.

Jimmy died exactly 30 minutes and 4 seconds into the session. That curse got him quick.

#also fun fact #Grian’s quadkill is about 15 minutes in #like things went down hill fast #so much happened this session #limited life #limited life smp #limited life spoilers #jimmy solidarity #solidaritygaming #grian #<- tagging just to be sure

[da-proti-toku-grem]

how do you know the difference between a huge anxiety attack and a panic attack?

#i think i had a panic attack yesterday but idk...... #god it felt so awful and it went on for like 3 hours #but i also had like a hundred things going on so idk if it was like the accumulation of everything or if it was really a panic attack yk #i was at the fair with my family waiting for my best friend to arrive bc i was going to hang out with her #and yk it's a place full of people and we were standing right next to a huge speaker hearing a man talk #and also each place in the fair has different music playing super loud and you can hear all of them at the same time (+ the flashing lights #all that causes me anxiety every since i was little (even if i didn't know it was anxiety back then) #so i *knew* i was going to have the greatest time and i didn't really want to go there in the first place #but even with that i wasn't really haven't a bad time (yet) #we were just stading there and i was waiting for my friend to call me so we could go somewhere else #she called me to tell me she was coming and right when i hung up the phone i felt a really strong pang on my belly #and idk at first i thought it was period cramps but it was weird bc my period had actually stopped that same morning #also i had taken a painkiller right before going there bc all that i mentioned earlier also gives me migraines so there's that too #so yeah the pangs kept getting stronger and it hurt so fucking bad to the point my legs started trembeling #my vision blured and every sound around me seemed to almost fade away #there wasn't any place i could sit down so i gad to cling to my dad and he had to hold me so i didn't fall to the ground #i think i almost (?) fainted in his arms too #after a while the dizzines went away and my dad went to get me smth to drink and i mostly got my hearing and vision back to normal #all that was like 10 minutes max but then the pangs kept hitting every minute or so for the next 3 hours #we found a place to sit and find smth to eat but i couldn't eat anything without wanting to throw up #my legs wouldn't stop shaking like fucking crazy and i kept going from feeling like i was freezing to sweating from how hot i felt #idk i've had smth like this (w/o the pangs) happen to me before a bunch of times but never That strong and it usually lasted 5-10min max #we ended up having to go home and i had to take some more painkillers and my sleeping pills to be able to calm down a little #i'm pretty sure i fell asleep from exhaustion after everything and i'm still feeling a bit weird after almost 24 hours since it happened #anyways. the thing is idk if all that was caused bc of my anxiety #or if it was smth completely unrelated and i just had such a bad tummy ache that it made me feel bad enough to cause All That yknow #i think it felt pretty much like how i've heard people describe a panic attack but again i'm not sure #yeah......... #maca speaks

[brittlebutch]

Desperately trying to make sense of Alex's motivations in Season Two and you know, I do eventually have to wonder if maybe Alex wasn't actually lying in the majority of those tapes.

Like, we tend to assume that Alex's motivations have been a consistent throughline since the college years, but do we actually know that that's the case? Do we know for sure that Alex was acting in deliberate, calculated ways in 2006; or could it be that he's telling the Truth on those olds tapes when he says he's blacking out and can't remember what's happening to anyone? After all, if we're assuming that Season 2 Alex's motivations are the exact same as his motives in Season 3, then it doesn't make any sense at all that he spend months working with Jay to try to find Amy; Season 3 Alex would have attempted to kill Jay like, on sight just to get things over with as quickly as possible and contain the spread of contamination as best as he could.

But, maybe, if Alex really had been separated from Amy after the events of the 04-04-10 tape, and if he really doesn't know where she is, then maybe that could make things start to make more sense. Maybe he really had been watching Jay's channel, and seeing Jay start going through the same things he went through in college without things devolving into violence and disappearances, and wondered if things maybe could play out differently this time. Maybe he really did send that tape to Jay to ask him for help, maybe he really was just trying to find Amy.

But then, instead of actually being helpful, Jay makes it extremely clear that he's a lot more interested in stalking Alex than he is in finding Amy. Alex asked for help, and instead there's a bunch of masked dudes on Jay's heels that keep attacking him, Jay is breaking into his house, stealing his things, leading the Operator right to him all over again, keeps trying to get other people (namely: Jessica -- if Alex is being honest when he says that his call reassuring her that Amy had been found was an effort to make Sure she stayed away from everything that was happening) involved; and instead of anything getting better, instead of anyone finding Amy, things are just getting worse all over again.

It's not until after the incident at the tunnel that things seem to start rapidly devolving. Rather than a calculated attempt to finally follow through with his need to curb the spread of contamination, this is very clearly an outburst of rage and terror. Alex's "I told you not to follow me" line in conjunction with Jay speculating that Alex didn't know who that guy was, to me, pretty firmly seems to speak to Alex having mistaken that stranger for Jay. From his point of view, Alex knows that Jay and totheark know where he live, have broken in before, he suspects that Jay stole a key to make it easier to get into his house, and he's been followed on the daily for months -- Alex is sitting at the tunnel because he doesn't know where else he can go without being constantly surveilled, hunted, and assaulted. And instead of getting a moment by himself to breathe, Jay followed him out there all over again (it feels like Alex looks directly at the camera in Jay's footage of him from this day; he knew for a fact that Jay was there), and then to make matters worse now 'Jay' won't even keep his distance anymore.

So Alex lashes out. And it's not until afterwards that he looks down and finally recognizes that this wasn't Jay -- it was someone completely innocent. Things have finally reached the low point he was at in college all over again; maybe even worse this time. If Alex doesn't remember attacking anyone in college, but he was at least partially conscious of it this time, then things have reached an entirely new rock bottom, they've reached an absolute point of no return.

He has no idea what happened to Amy, and he's spent months trying to find her with no hint of where she could be; he doesn't know where Jay actually is or what additional trouble he could be causing at this point; he does know that now innocent people are getting caught in the crossfire (in regards to the stranger in the tunnel, and also Jessica now that Jay has her phone number, and the untold number of people Jay got involved when he started posting videos to the Marble Hornets channel); things are spiraling out of control and there's no one left to ask for help. The situation isn't getting better, it's getting worse; things aren't getting easier to handle, they're just getting more out of hand; the negative impact is spreading and who knows how much further it can still go?

So, Alex decides to go scorched earth. He disfigures the body with the rock either to hide evidence or to make sure the guy would actually stay dead and not just get back up to start his own cycle of contamination in a few years. He tries to give Jay one last chance to back off, and Jay instead admits he's been talking to Jessica, acts obstinate and lies about not having Alex's spare key, and then breaks into Alex's house a second time (minimum). If Alex doesn't stop him now, who will? Alex met with Jay planning to kill the others, and then himself, so he could put a stop to this once and for all and keep things from getting any worse than they already were.

Maybe it makes a lot more sense if, rather than being a strangely incomprehensible detour on what should have been a straight path, the events of Season Two were the breaking point that put Alex on that path to begin with.

#N posts stuff #idk!!! I've been thinking a lot lately about the tendency to take Characters at Face Value; when they tell us things we tend to #automatically believe them despite what evidence we might have to the contrary. & like when it comes to deciphering what #went down during the college film project it's mostly totheark that posits that Alex was Definitely Lying and Definitely Acting on Purpose #(even Jay is largely ambivalent - wondering which way it leans and basically saying it could go either way) #but. do we KNOW that they know that? Do we Know that they're Right when they claim that? Or are they just Assuming based off #of their own rage and animosity towards Alex due to what happened? Do we Know for Sure that Alex Was Lying in s1? #i don't know if we do!! And so without Knowing that for sure; how can we speak to Alex's motivations in season one OR season two? #now TO BE CLEAR: I am not saying this in an attempt to claim that Alex is somehow completely innocent of all guilt and that like. #Jay is the 'Real Antagonist' of the series - not at all my intention. this is just More of my usual 'look. Everyone in this series is #all kinds of Morally Grey; no recurring character in this series is free of guilt they ALL have unique fatal flaws & trends towards #antagonism that makes things worse and dooms them all' shtick - a la 'everyone Thinks they're doing the Right Thing but No One Is' #BUT i Am wondering if this Does help to like. clear up some of the ambiguity/uncertainty of Season Two - and even Season One - and #lets the series as a whole read a little bit clearer? idk i know that Jay does Claim to think that Alex was bullshitting him #the whole time & was Actually planning on tying up loose ends the whole time but AGAIN it doesn't make Sense he'd wait so long #idk - Am i making sense? does any of this track? i'm trying to figure it out; i am open to comments on the subject to help #i haven't rewatched season 3 yet today and so maybe there's stuff in there that contradicts this whole theory lmao but i'm taking a break #and just posting this anyway; we'll see what happens lol #marble hornets #mh lb

[tired-reader-writer]

I had many thoughts regarding the new chapter but I just had another one: where the fuck is Rukhnabad, and how's it gonna come into play?

Last we checked, Don Ricardo was in the south, or at least appeared to be within Zott territory (and as we've discussed before it's likely around the Continental Highway), Arslan's army is heading south but Arslan isn't, he's heading to the capital and... hm. Maybe Zaravant, Jimsa, and Merlaine will bring him w them because Arslan did mention marching to Ecbatana as a whole, he's sending the troops south to let them rest for a while.

#arslan senki #the heroic legend of arslan #heroic legend of arslan #arslan senki spoilers #on another note tho #my heart is in my throat for Hilmes bc of where the chaptee cut off #please please PLEASE be safe you durian buffoon #okay I'm not super sure on how things went down during this part in the novels #did Hilmes ever get to meet Arslan in Ecbatana? or did he have to flee before that #AND THE HEAD JARS THE MANGA-ORIGINAL HEAD JARS #WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN WITH THE HEAD JARS I'M SO ANXIOUS

[mildmayfoxe]

hahaha hey you guys guess what. you'll never believe it. got the guy who's in charge of my fraud case on the phone and he was like "who'd you give one-time security codes to yesterday" and i was like "the guy who called me from the fraud department after they noticed a weird login in florida??" and he was like "that was the fuckin hacker. you got got. IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!" i handed my entire savings over to a fucking guy on the phone on a silver platter. like some kind of fuckin rube. bro

#IT IS OK THOUGH I HAVE BEEN SORTING IT OUT #account is LOCKED DOWN! card is DELETED! fraud paperwork has been FILED! i have requested a fraud alert AND credit freeze #from the NATIONAL CREDIT BUREAU! #a friend of mine is taking me to MAINE next saturday to go to the BANK! i sent an email to my landlord asking if i can pay rent by CHECK! #i went to my other bank and deposited my BONDS! so i have some MONEY! to pay RENT! #i also got a new debit card from them. and made sure i could use my old checks. #i also bought some STAMPS while i was out and a BIRTHDAY PRESENT for a FRIEND #now i am going to start switching over some auto deposits #so when i get my paycheck on tuesday i will actually get it. #i feel so STUPID but i think i have done all i can to fix this. i am feeling better about it #by next weekend i will have my money again. it's all fine #and hopefully next time i will not get got so easily. lol. #anyway dont get got by people pretending to be your bank i guess. i did think it was weird how many questions they asked but.. #they ALWAYS ask lots of questions at the bank!!!!! #i got a text message FROM the bank saying they would be calling me soon and then the next call was from the scammer #and then like a half hour later got one from the bank and was confused bc they'd just 'called me' #anyway. it'll be fine. scary for a while but at least i have things i can do to make it better. it's all good #genuinely feeling like i ought to take out like a thousand bucks cash and keep it in my desk to replace my bonds tho tbh hahah #just in case something like this happens again. you never know. what would i have done if i DIDNT have those yknow #ok thank u all for being along on this journey with me

[irhabiya]

today sucked the life out of me ya Allah

#nothing particularly happened #well actually multiple things happened but none of them are that big of a deal im just tired #yesterday the ppt file for my presentation corrupted as i was finishing it :') didn't have autosave on :')) #had to redo the entire thing from scratch. i was working on it all week too for god's sake #finished by like 4am today and i had to be up by 8 for uni so i barely slept #the presentation was fine i think given i had to do everything again last minute but ik the original version was better #my blood pressure was through the roof the entire day for some reason. felt my pulse in my head for the whole day #fitting because our pbl case this week was about hypertension😭 #called my dad to make sure he went to get his meds renewed... #i'm really worried about him he refused to go to the doctor again aslan but i sat him down and we had a long talk about it #alhamdulillah he agreed to go. only for them not to have his diabetes meds in stock💀 bas ya3ni it's good that he went anyway #my mom is a different story she's so stubborn i swear #had an argument with her today about letting me work again to lift a bit of the workload off her since money is still so tight #and she got pissed at me #so now im tired unrested have a migraine and my mom is mad at me what a day bgad #ya Allah

[chipjrwibignaturals]

diversity loss! local autistic forced to deal with plans being suddenly changed

#I am going. to kill someone #like I get the cause of this was something out of anyone’s hands. it’s not my sisters fault things changed. #but we went from ‘I’ll come down Monday + Tuesday to help you move then drive to the lake for the rest of the week’ #to ‘actually we’re moving tomorrow can you make it a day trip and then leave Saturday for the lake w everyone else’ #and like. sure. arguably this is a ‘better’ set up but. I fucking HATE change like this #especially bc it’s so late like. okay then guess I’ll fuck myself. #I need to go unpack all my shit (bc I was being GOOD and doing shit EARLY for once!) and repack for the new plans #and like. fucking emotionally prepare for this new change bc I wasn’t THINKING this was gonna happen. im not READY yknow? #idk. fucking. slams autistic diagnostic ‘inflexible adherence to routines’ #my ROUTINE has been CHANGED (on top of ALREADY being disturbed by this whole trip) and it’s causing DISTRESS #< like. dw I’m fine i just need to be a bitch about it for a bit

[worstloki]

prize for least genre aware protagonist 👑

#no because Thor trusted Loki so much and was oblivious and that's what made the whole thing a tragedy #but Thor was really out there like 'what do you MEAN Loki lied to me about Father's death and my banishment... let me try appealing to him' #except Thor's version of appeal is like a really really bad apology where the person doesn't want to admit they did anything #and also isn't convinced you're hurt #and Thor's SO SURE this plan will work because he knows his brother right #he knows Loki #and his plan which in accordance to him would have worked was to appeal to Loki's good side/the truth of who would be hurt #his plan was to do away with Loki's assumed anger by being like ''noooo don't do this here hit me instead <3'' #and he thought Loki wouldn't do it. #which means that before the whole plot shenanigans that would have worked and Loki also wouldn't have hit Thor #Loki watching Thor try to manipulate him by acting like his feelings are invalid the same way Frigga and Odin tried: nice try. thot. *wack* #so anyway Thor got hit and I think that's what u get for being soooooo sure that your little brother who u take for granted won't get hurt #by anything discouraging said or done or implied or being used by u for about him <3 #anyway the fact that Thor was SO sure that Loki was reacting badly and would calm down and be normal again is so sad actually #because it means Thor had the experience to know that's how it should have gone #which means when that's not what happened Thor also gets to be the one who has to work through processing that Loki's changed #and I don't think he DID that in the year where Loki was gone #he just neglected thinking about it until Loki was back and suddenly he couldn't pretend his brother had been the same (good) one at death #sad ironic something something character foils too late tragedy #Thor really went out there like i got this and got <beep>slapped fr fr #and then it happened again when he showed up for the Bifrost fight #Thor: i just have to wait it out. we all get angry. he'll get better #Loki: [screaming crying raging shrieking trying to kill him] #Thor: HE'LL GET BETTER #the fact that Thor doesn't expect the lies or the hitting or the unreasonable attitude even when Loki is VERY angry.......... ;-; #Thor watched his brother deteriorate in real time

[camgoloud]

who else up feeling the soul-numbing empty hopelessness for absolutely no reason this friday night

#literally nothing bad even happened to me personally today cannot emphasize this enough #i just read one too many of the Wrong wikipedia articles during the period after the sun went down at fucking 4 pm or whatever and then #my brain just decided it was time to replay the biggest hits of the great 2020-2022 depressive episode for fun i guess #and now i’m having. a series of moments. over a series of ridiculous things #again not even specific things that have actually happened to me just the whole vague existential dread deal i guess #truly i haven’t felt this shitty without some kind of direct cause for a year and half at this point #which is having the semi-beneficial side effect of reminding me to appreciate just how good my mental health has been recently #like. remember how i used to just feel like this all the time for. actually most of my life Until a year and a half ago? damn that’s crazy #i hope i snap out of this lmao i really cannot deal with walking into the holidays as a hollow shell of a person #but i think i’ll be fine tomorrow actually pretty sure i’m just kind of sleep deprived after this week #caseyposting

[donnatroyyyy]

Batman has/had some kind of miscommunication going on with every single one of his kids. The bat family is just one big miscommunication trope after the other.

#him and Dick have miscommunication about how they see each other. Bruce sees Dick as a son and Dick sees Bruce as a father #but they didn’t think the other saw them that way so they never told each other. that’s what led to their fights in Dick’s later teenage #years and dick quitting and becoming nightwing. he thought Bruce only saw him as a ward/robin so he thought that as long as he couldn’t be #robin Bruce wouldn’t want him #and if didn’t help when Bruce stopped talking to him when he left. though to Bruce it was because he thought Dick didn’t want to talk to him #and also Dick really needs to tell Bruce like ‘hey you put me on a higher pedestal then you put even yourself which is saying something and #and I don’t like that cuz that’s too much pressure for me. and also since you did it everyone else does it and has done it since I was Robin #and it’s literally just a matter of time before I break from the pressure cuz I’m not fucking Superman and I can’t take it’ #and Jason with the whole UTRH thing. you know all Bruce had to say was that he had tried killing the joker over Jason multiple times and #maybe just explain to Jason WHY he doesn’t kill. a simple ‘you’re better than me because if I killed one person I’d kill everyone’ #or it could even just be a simple ‘I do love you Jason youre the kid that I felt most comfortable loving’ #and also maybe a ‘I don’t think anything changed after my death and that makes my death meaningless which I think goes against your no kill #rule because I hat is the rule of not a reminder taht death means something. and by that logic my death already went against the rule so why #can’t you do it again for the man that murdered me.’ and Bruce needs to make a presentation: ‘all the ways Jason’s death meant something’ #and Tim just needs a simple ‘I don’t see you as work I see you as family.’ maybe even a ‘you don’t have to be the grown up in this relati #anymore I’m sorry you were one to begin with. you should’ve always been the child’ #now his miscommunication with Damian goes much deeper but I’m one hundred percent sure if they sit down and air out all of their feelings it #would help a lot but I have a feeling that won’t happen #a ‘I have trouble understanding you because both your trauma and compassion run deeper than mine and I also never had to grow up to be a #weapon’ from Bruce and a ‘I don’t understand your optimism and moral stubbornness and easness why is it so easy to be good for u?’ #his miscommunication with Cass stems from two things a simple ‘why are you so afraid to show how deeply you love?’ from Cass maybe a #‘I’m jealous of you because you’re better than me not only in fighting but morally and emotionally’ from Bruce should fix it #and Steph— look I’m not even going to TRY to get into that that goes SO much deeer and wider than any one else’s miscommunication #but maybe a ‘you reminded me of Jason at a time where that wasn’t a good thing’ from Bruce should start things up #for Duke a ‘I can never truly understand what you’re going/have gone through and for that I’m sorry’ from Bruce should suffice #maybe also Bruce telling him that just because he sees Duke as a son doesn’t mean he’s trying any less to get Duke his parents back #oh and babs just needs to go up to him and say ‘I don’t like that what happened to me happened for your story and not mine and I don’t like #that you don’t let me make it into my story’ and then Bruce can follow up and say ‘I see so much of myself in you and it makes me worry and #also I can never look at you without feeling guilty cuz you’re right what happened to you happened for MY story so I’m at fault’ #then the two can go back to being too much like each other and sitting at their respective computers

[tvrningout]

i’ll have y’all know that i was ready to pass out before i saw this silly lil video which made me wanna make a silly lil guy and now we got a backstory and personality and brain rot over a new oc 💜

#i wanted an oc who is just always down to clown and will do some of the silliest things to make you smile #and now i got one 👁️👁️ #for the first time in a while i started creating soley based on vibes so he has no name yet but!! #he’s connected to chiyo :) he was part of the group of kids who bullied her growing up :) #he wasn’t the one putting eggs in her hair but he sure did let it happen #AND I KNOW IT SOUNDS BAD but he was scared and struggling and handled it poorly and then!! grew up and got better!! #he’s a character who definitely just did what he had to to fit in and make it through school bc his sister stood out #and he saw how that went for her at school and with their parents #as adults he and his older sister are very close 💜 but it’s a long road getting to that point #and actually!! i was debating whether i wanted him to be chiyo’s close friend or a coworker who realizes #who she was #bc his experience with her in middle school really impacted him and started his journey of growth #but pls know that he’s a big goofball who just wants to know who he is when there’s no one to copy #in my notes i wrote ‘does he like chocolate or does he like it bc it’s his sister’s favorite?’ and i’m sad :(((( #get ready to ramble | ooc #alright i might actually pass out now asdfgh i’m eepy

[creative-hanyou-girl]

If the PJO show gets renewed for future seasons, I really hope the audience doesn't give the child actors crap for being a little older than their characters in the show. I'm already seeing some people be like "they better film season 2 and 3 ASAP NOW!!!!" and like, I get that as fans you want the characters to still pass as certain ages, but its neither the child actors nor the PJO crew's fault if things get delayed a bit, especially when they haven't even been given the greenlight to film yet.

And another thing: I don't want the cast and crew to feel pressured by being on a deadline, whether its given by Disney themselves or by the audience pressuring them to start filming as soon as possible. Especially the child actors like Walker, Leah, and Aryan. We've seen on how deadlines can affect the overall quality or payoff of a piece of media with Frozen 2. But more importantly is the fact that the cast and crew have lives OUTSIDE of PJO and television that they deserve to experience. They are not machines who exist purely for us, the fans', own benefit. Especially the child actors.

I think it'd be great if we could get a season 2 or 3 renewed soon, but I also know that the PJO people can't do much until given the greenlight. Walker, Leah, and Aryan can't help that they are growing up. And again, putting deadlines on the cast and crew can really effect the quality of a season, as well as be very stressful on said cast and crew, especially the younger actors.

To put it short, be kind guys. If the show is renewed, be kind to the young actors and don't give them crap for being like, 1 or 2 years older than the characters they are portraying. They can't help the fact that they are growing up. And putting a deadline on them and the PJO staff would just add more stress on everyone involved and can effect the quality of the end result. Again, they've all got lives outside of PJO and TV too, and deserve to experience those lives without pressure from fans.

#thanks for coming to my ted talk #sorry I just went off #but already I'm seeing people demanding a season 2 and 3 renewal so that the pjo show can catch up with Walker. Leah. and Aryan's ages #and while I get why they're anxious about that and it'd be cool if a season 2 and 3 were renewed in 1 go #i also feel like some fans are riding the younger actors butts for simply GROWING UP #you know. that natural thing all kids do!!!??? #and I also started worrying about how much the PJO cast and crew would need to get done in a small window of time- #-in order to catch the show up to the younger actor's actual ages #and how that pressure can stress them out and also effect the quality a season like what happened when Disney put Frozen 2 on a deadline #and not to mention too that all the cast and crew have lives OUTSIDE of TV and the PJO show that they deserve to experience #so while I get why some fans are concerned. I think some of them are being too pushy and intense on literal KIDS. #LEAVE THEM ALONE #whatever happens. happens #and its our job as the viewers to be understanding #percy jackson #percy jackson and the olympians #percy jackson tv show #I'm sure the make up crew can work their magic to make them look younger if they have to calm down #pjo cast #pjo crew #walker scobell #leah sava jeffries #aryan simhadri #disney + #pjo fandom

[zoppzoop]

GAAHAHHHHH

#venting in the tags #maybe its just past darkness and the Bad Thoughts which i shouldnt listen to are clouding my brain too much #but i feel so fucking weird and inadequate over everything rn #im unable to work on drawings as i usually would have and its kinda plaguing everything which it should like yeah i love drawing but #i cant let just one aspect of me ruin everything. right? the fact that i havent been able to draw as well as i usually can should make me #feel sick to the stomach and unsure about everything i do but it happening and i hate it. #plus i got the ipad id saved up from the comms to buy and its fun and nice and all and maybe i just need more practice with it but i feel #like im not able to draw on it even more? and i spent the whole day trying to get used to it but its just not as good?? and then when i went #back to the no screen wacom i couldnt get a hang of it becuase idek its just not happening #and also the fucking art block wants me dead i swear i want to draw so bad and i have so many ideas but the moment i start anything its just #crumbles down into nothingness and i hate everything i do and gods fuck i want to cry but i can because there are people at home and #usually im a big 'crybaby' when im at home but i dont fucjing wanna be like that anymore like i can handly my shit myself im fine. #i dont need to just fuckinf cry abiut it becuase thats not gonna fox anything but also i feel like crying might just make me feel better #but then id have to hear shit from my family and i know theyre just teasing in a /pos way but i dont wanna fucking deal with that #plus my brother iust talking to him os annoying sometimes like he talks about things so condescendingly and fucking hel dude shut #the fuck up i dont need you telling me that my art is something people can 'just do' and the fact that i was able to get the ipad #'basically for free since i got that money from the little drawings i make' as if they dont fucking mean anything to you like #shut the fucking fuck up dude i worked hard on those and even though i dont like my own shit sometimes i still fucking work hard on those #fuck you you bitch #i think a lot of things are just piling up and i need to sleep #tomorrow will be a new dawn and a fresh start and maybe ill hate myself less #ps. note to anyone reading the tags #im fine i just needed to yell out and express my frustration a bit. some sleep will help surely.

[echidnana]

really annoys us when people emphasize tsukasas trauma so heavily while completely ignoring saki. What are you talking about

#like. yes tsukasa was neglected. not out of malice or anything but thats a real thing that happened to him #and he overexaggerated his personality in order to be a good older brother and take care of his sick sister #but literally how can you ignore what saki went through #she was hospitalized throughout crucial years of her life #and they never explicitly say what she was sick with #but her time in the hospital was heavily tramuatizing. she had (painful) tests done regularly #and was almost completely isolated from her friends #like. tsukasa would bite you for just focusing on him as if his wonderful brave strong little sister didnt suffer so heavily #although at this point im pretty sure it just boils down to misogyny #like why is the majority consensus that leoni and mmj are boring. is it perhaps due to the fact #theyre all girls. #(niigo is canonically all girls too but ppl like to say mizuki is nb so. ) #anyways wheres the saki love tsukasa fans. #confluence.txt #we play project sekai

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#well. today was a nice day of not doing anything but drawing really. theres an au where i went to art school and am a happier person lol #except not really bc im sure my head would ruin that too. anyway. its a shame i have to return to the pain tomorrow. i have so much to grade #plus a paper to write plus data to work with. a protocol to figure out. and an exam to study for and a final project thatll kill me #god. i also have to get ready for lab Monday. christ. and what shall i say to my therapist Tuesday? well we could try to tackle the deep set #looming issue that prevents me from getting better in our tiny 50min session or i could be like listen. just fucking listen. let me give u #the case 4 and against me having adhd so i can stop feeling fucking nuts. just like give me feedback. ya kno? #it would b inattentive bc im not hyper unless im losing my mind and bordering on hyp0mania. but my focus is something i cant control #executive functioning has always been a problem but now im so worn down im in danger of actual consequences. and its not just things i dont #wanna do. im not just anxiously avoiding. i cant start tasks and stick with them. i flip back and forth and get nothing done. i spiral #sometimes for hours. im not doing anything fun im just not doing anything. frozen in anguish. i dont even wanna think abt how much money ive #lost by not filling out reimbursement sheets which arent hard to do. theyre easy i just never do them. why??? i dont fucking kno. but im not #forgetful. im thinking constantly abt these things. i just cant make them happen. theyre stuck buffering. i do have memory issues tho #my short term working memory is like that of a literal child. so i cant follow complex instructions. i constantly need new info. constantly #need sound. spoken words plus music at the same time. but the main reason i need an answer to this is the reading issue. which is that im #dyslexic but also my thoughts r like an interfering frequency. without realizing ill b thinking and not reading. its a problem no matter #what im reading. its severely disruptive. i will physically read out loud to try to hold my attention in place and still get distracted by #my own head. do u kno how frustrating it is to read something aloud 3 times and not know wtf u just read bc u arent thinking abt anything #interesting u would rsther b reading but u can't fucking pay attention long enough. genuinely if its not adhd and i cant get medication to #fix my focus issues i dont kno wtf im gonna do. im so bad at reading and its extremely frustrating. but is it just dyslexia? idk what i #described doesn't fucking seem normal or like a reading problem. sounds like a focus issue. so riddle me that #idk ive got adhd on both sides of my family plus my focus fluctuates with ny hormones plus homones possibly induce hyp0mania. like i mean #ive got other issues which make a diagnosis difficult to parse but like i feel like that's decent evidence for possibly adhd? my friend said #she was always worried she had a brain tumor before she was diagnosed. to me ive always felt like my brain is full of holes. im missing the #parts that would let it operate correctly. the frontal lobe is just fucked. ugh. i wonder how much accommodation i could get from the #disability office if i actually went to them. i wont bc im fucked up and i dont think they could actually do anything for me at this stage #but alas im curious. ugh. y do i do this to myself? i kno y but not enough time for that in 50min. bad attitude mostly. half my brain #just craves death. the other half is just trying to tread water but its hard with someone trying to drown u. so its all fucked #unrelated