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catkin-morgs-kookaburralover · 1 year

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writing poetry sometimes feels like you gotta cut yourself open to express it idk smear all your organs all over the page and hope somebody else reads something beautiful. is that like divination the way it's expressed in various places and things? I dunno. poetry never slides off your skin like water off a duck's back. it's from within I think. sometimes you have to tear yourself apart to get at the words and sometimes it just wells up from within and gushes out. always from somewhere deep inside. sometimes it's difficult and horrible and painful but the alternative would be worse. sometimes it's from sheer joy that must overflow into words. I think that's beautiful personally. skin splitting from joy. it happens, I think, to us all at some point. or maybe I'm just a creature of extremes. maybe that online test I did because a friend recommended it is true. it said my symptoms were high. I don't know. maybe it is true, maybe it's not. I read a book once where there was a character named Nathan Hill-and-Dale, and while I'm not nearly as extreme as he was portrayed, in my extremes, I know I'm a fairly volatile person. funny, for most people who see me IRL seem to think that I'm fairly calm. nope, I'm a volcano. watch out, even when I'm apparently calm I might blow up one way or the other. one of my residents' family members said today that I was young and bubbly and she was glad to see it because happiness is the prerogative of the young. a part of me wished I told her. I have actively tried to kill myself once; I have come extremely close to the same actions countless times including yesterday; I would sooner hurt myself than others; if I had my own choice I would simply starve. of course I didn't tell her. sometimes I think I'll never get better. at this point I would consider it a very high chance that I will either die by suicide or end up in hospital following an attempt. not now, of course. but despite my fierce love for my course it has stress associated with it and I think that it's very likely that no psych help on earth would fix my mental health enough for that not to be an option mentally in this short time. I think it's possible to recover from all of the things I struggle with. God help me, I hope it is. the real question is whether I will survive long enough to recover from them. and the answer? I know not. I was reminded of a past interaction with the boy today, where he called my name - I turned - his grandfather, a photographer, was waiting to see if he could get a decent photo, for we were at a church conference and he was trying to get photos everywhere. they were laughing. I could not help but laugh. that memory is tainted now, for he would not look at me now, let alone try to pull such a stunt again. I don't blame him. I don't blame anyone for it. I wonder what would happen if I blocked all my friends on discord; who would seek me out? part of me hopes people would, another part hopes they would not. sometimes I just want to be left alone to curl up and die. it would be easier. so much easier than living, and living, and living. I tried writing poetry just now. it felt like trying to cut myself open, I couldn't get the words out. it only made me feel rather wild. I'm desperate for change, for something. something. what is that something? I don't know. did you know I'm a sadist? I would not in a public place express the thoughts that led me to that conclusion. but I am. I wish I wasn't. there's an obvious solution to that. quick, and easy. so easy. too easy. I tried writing poetry, and then instead of writing anything coherent, I wrote this.

#tw suicide #tw suicidal ideation #tw sh #personal #puddleglum hours #tried writing poetry and the very act of trying made me desperately want to harm. i think i'll break my streak today. all the things have #been so bad today. not so much the individual things as they all stack up together. almost the worst most constant dysphoria ive ever #experienced. coincided with eating new stuff which was scary. weighed myself yesterday on dad's recommendation and found out i *believed*#id gained like more than double what i *did*. feel so disgustingly fat and heavy tho why can't i just stop eating. why is everyone #prolonging my existence. serious question. this includes myself. whats the good. im tired but not. and oh so disgusted with myself.#weak. stupid. failing. only a fool talks like this. oh but don't worry im safe. safe enough anyhow. oh look nothing's real that explains #something. but i am safe. aint me as gonna commit suicide today. don't worry about me. im ignorin my friend who's worried about me bc she #has her own struggles. im not gonna ad to them at this point. selfish enough i am already. ive been choking on disgust all day even through #my jubilation over reaching a fourteen day streak. funny i literally don't care now. gonna break it. unless i'm too coward to do otherwise.#i ought. i ought to do other things too. i don't know how long i can keep on going like this. pray for me.

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sofibeth · 6 months

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Not me accidently getting my first Timeout on a server

#to be fair tho I think I know what timed me out which I didn't think that post was rule breaking when I send it but looking at it now my b #but slightly anixous cause I didn't mean it and don't want folks to get the wrong idea of me #happen so suddenly and no warning that I broke a rule I felt I got jumpscared #dunno if I should reach out to a mod or just wait the 24 hours #is there a time out record I don't wanna have a discord criminal history #EDIT: calmed down a bit and just decided unless a mod reaches I'll let the time out run out #might be a where I'm overthinking something that's prob not that serious

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todayisafridaynight · 8 months

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I’ve noticed a pretty sizable portion of this fandom can’t understand symbolism or basic writing techniques sometimes. Sometimes, it seems to be born from not being used to Japanese media but even then…

Also Demyx is the Master of Master because he’s my mom

i can't even seriously respond to this ask after reading 'demyx is my mom' im crying

#snap chats #i will respond to it in the tags tho dont worry <3 #i dont like the excuse that 'people just havent looked at japanese media' because this isnt a problem exclusive to rgg #because symbolism and color theory isn't a Japanese Media thing. lest i remind everyone of The Great Gatsby #A VERY ENTRY-LEVEL BOOK STUFFED with symbolism and all that good stuff. very easy to pick up on even as a dumbass teenager #it's why it's such a common book to teach in high school english classes it's a very simple place to start to understand these concepts #'snap youre being americentric with your media recommendations' blow me i'm watching We Make Antiques 3 in japanese later #that aside its why i refuse to let the whole 'its japanese media' bit slide #ik japanese media is touted as being more symbolic and subtle and i wont lie that does feel to be the case at times #but it's a problem overall even outside of rgg where people just refuse to critically engage with media #or to look at it from a deeper/different perspective. or just look at it LMAO #and thats FINE if you just want to watch or play something and be done with it im not gonna be your mom about it #im not your teacher i dont ACTUALLY expect people to hyperanalyze everything they look at that's annoying #we're all human sometimes we just want our brain to go Unga Bunga and have fun #i just repeat... do not have a serious discussion with me about it LMAO

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exoexid · 2 months

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the suyeol lore is so crazy

#their relationship is so interesting to me like aoughhhh #like you see subaek and even tho they don't talk a lot on camera (most of the time) those two get along so well #they understand and respect each other so much they take their job very seriously and they're actually good friends as a result #suyeol on the other hand is 12 years of slowburn like it's crazyyyyy #you admire him and believe in him like no one else does and then you discover that he isn't that great actually #so you get disappointed and distance yourself and then you both are in this weird limbo for years as you grow up #and slowly but surely you rediscover how your relationship works because both of you are adults now and now we're here #like yeah suhito was stressed back then the context was not great for a leader AND tao was still with exo so lmao pcy could fend for himself #so i get ittttt they were going through it but. i need to know what he said to pcy like oh my god was it really that bad 😭#i wonder if they've ever mentioned it 🤔#writing this bc i just remembered that one time they had to describe e/o and suho was like #“you're my cute dongsaeng i admire your talents so much and oh btw you're not uncomfortable around me these days right? uwu”#LIKE ??? KING YOU CAN'T SAY THAT AND LEAVE US IN THE DARK #(<- they totally can it's not our business lmao)#idolization to tentative ''''enemies'''' to coworkers to friends to good friends is crazy #i need to look into this properly omg let's do some research #anyways i want a subunit :) they can be called exo sc too sehun won't mind bc these are like his favorite people in the world!!!#idk i find the exos and their bond so interesting because you truly have it all with them there's a whole spectrum of friendships #and i appreciate that it's not like with b*s & taegi (if you don't know who they are... let's keep it that way <3)#because those two were just too different to get along. it was extreme. but bighit forced it so much it was painful to see sometimes #and then the hawaii trip came and they painted it like a ''see? after this trip they get along so well now <3'' moment #1. girl let's be serious for a sec 😐 and 2. it's not our business!!!!! focus on making good music!!!!!#i'm so glad exo didn't have to go through something like that bc i just know that they'd have disbanded by now sjfsifjsk #the saranghaja sprite isn't that intense we lovr freedom of choice (keeping in mind that they were under sm) <33333 #so YEAH. can you guys tell i can't sleep hehe :)#dara.t #suho and chanyeol

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celibibratty · 4 months

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wow, i always see someone comment that daniel in bb/lw is a badass, so, daniel does has that effect, huh?

#lis2 discussion #Woah i think i saw almost ten people mentioned that he looks badass #Now people respect my Daniel😒#I'm kinda more willing to incorporate this badass vibe of daniel nothing serious it just visually #Ngl that the lw scene is kinda badass😒i like the moment that daniel walks slowly towards the guy but when he gets more close...#He kinda does a little rush it the gun(which is very intimidading)#Idk how to describe much the moviment but it seems something like that #It has the vibe of ;say that again!/go on do it!/try me!;#Idk how it doesn't have a gif of that scene(altho even if has i wouldn't heart it anyway💦)that scene is very cool #Specially this moment that i said it(one day i do It)tho i not big fan of gifs but sometimes i do exceptions

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evermorecountsastherapy · 7 months

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just had the sudden realization that the reason I haven't been motivated to write the next chapter of Seven Devils isn't so much bc I can't find any writing motivation but rather bc I've planned for the next 3 chapters to deal with some pretty heavy stuff and I'm not sure if I'm even ready enough to write it yet...... even after not touching the story in over 6 months now......

#everytime i catch myself in a daydream about future scenes i get so excited about wanting to write again until #i remember the chapter i have planned to write next and my brain just like... shuts down or something #realizing this and being like “if i can't write it then how are other people going to be able to read it?” 😳 smh #my writing has always naturally had really dark themes tho #like when we'd have a creative writing assignment in english class in hs everyone else had like #super fun readable stories everyone enjoyed #and mine would always end up being dark and serious (even when i didn't mean it to be)#and so after i would finish reading it to the class i'd look up and i remember everyone would be so quiet in a weirdly contemplative way #and my english teacher would be like off in the corner stifling sobs #and i'd get the obligatory slow clap but i'd go sit back down next to my best friend and she'd be like #“that was like really good but also like... wow...how did you come up with that?”#and i'd be like 🧍‍♀️ was it that bad #i have so many stories/writing projects saved in my old hs google account that i'd love to get my hands on again but can't #it makes me incredibly sad to think of it all lost just like that #but alas #i am spending another random sunday evening ranting on tumblr instead of doing my required readings for the week #i'm a trainwreck and what about it 🤪

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thelostboys87 · 8 months

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will graham in my dream and i think he was in love with me HAHA

#like heyyyyyy #plot of the dream did not make sense at all tho also i had a heart problem that’s so 2018 felix #im so serious im like one hannibal related dream away from putting a hugh dancy looking guy in WS or something #like enrichment for the gay enclosure. a new chew toy.#sorry hugh dancy is such a rich airy british boys name thats so funny to me #wait what's hugh's background if i find out he's the grandson of a baron or something i'm killing myself #okay granddad has a wiki page but its academics thats not as bad as it could be #when it comes to british nepotism #staffordshire....interesting....think i drove through there to get to uni #of course he went to boarding school.....hugh michael horace dancy #the dragon school?? this country is not beating the goofy whimsical names for locations and institutions allegations #WAIT HAMPSHIRE THAT'S KIND OF NEAR ME YOU'RE JOKINGGG #hugh dancy did you ever have a little summer trip to lyme regis or similar jurassic coast towns x

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sysig · 1 year

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Haven’t seen your slimy face in a while (Patreon)

Bonus original concept sketches from 2018 (left):

Tbh even I find some of these shapes kind of hard to read lol. Really showcases my style progression tho like woah - I was aiming at the time for a kind of shoujo-parody style anyway, but now I struggle with those kinds of shapes! I’m used to a much more cartoony, and darker, and smaller style haha

This was all me tho lol, he’s just a gangly greasy fucker

It’s uncanny right

I had to put in a good bit of interpretation and filling in the details for this one lol - something like a punk vampire aesthetic?? He’s too good for the MC anyway lol, but that’s by design

#Doodles #Original #What do you mean 2018 was five years ago why have these characters existed on a single page for five years #Legit tho these were Such one-off characters that I never drew them again until now and didn't bother giving them a proper name #I called lame weirdo Seiji? <question mark included lol - the punk character didn't even get an outfit! Even a collar of a shirt!#I still remember the general beats of the intro at least which were kinda fun #Seiji? is passive person who goes with the flow to the extent that he kinda just lets people do whatever up to and including relationships #Leading to people hooking up with him looking for something serious and then when they realize he doesn't care they break up with him #And then he still doesn't care and goes on with his hedonistic lifestyle of Doing Whatever lol #He's meant to be Every Unlikeable MC basically haha - inexplicably attractive to others and infuriatingly indifferent #And then he meets up with his genre opposite - a devoted somewhat clingy guy who absolutely idolizes him while being ''unapproachable''#Someone's who's not disillusioned by Seiji?'s lack of reciprocation and just uses it as an in to keep getting closer and closer to him #This is what you get for being a passive care-nothing! This is karma! Lol #That's all I really remember it was basically a sitcom haha Silly slice of life nonsense #It was fun to come back to them after so long at least :) I didn't expect to! I didn't plan to!#I had a page set aside for a new concept (:3c) and started with a couple studies to try and chase the vibe and was reminded of they #The character I was studying off of had some slight similarities I suppose :0 But not like That much haha #Well whatever ♪ He made for a fun warmup and if he helped inspired the next set then I'm all the happier for it! Thanks Seiji?! Lol

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verysium · 6 months

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attractive things bllk characters (unintentionally) do?👀

i received this ask and decided to write this entire thing through a caffeine-powered fever dream. may have gone a little overboard. please pray for both your sanity and mine. thank you anon for your strong sense of imagination (or delusion, whichever you prefer.)

nagi lifts the hem of his shirt to wipe the sweat off his face, and you accidentally (or not so accidentally) get a good look at the droplets running down his abs and v-line. he also does the doorway lean while waiting for you to get ready. since he's so tall, he puts his one arm up on the top of the door frame while scrolling through his phone. when he feels drained of energy, he clings to you like a koala, face buried into the crook of your neck.

rin pushes his hair back when his bangs get in the way, and it shows off his ridiculously sharp side profile. sometimes you have to pause mid-conversation because the direct eye contact gets too intense. he has the brightest turquoise eyes in existence, and they stare right into your soul. pair that with the height difference and him towering over you. hang onto your ovaries because this man is about to snatch them. if isagi or sae are anywhere remotely close within your vicinity, he will personally drag your chair closer over to him. you know, the whole nick jonas chair pull thing? he also unintentionally clenches his jaw when pissed, the vein popping out and everything.

barou is polite to his elders. he holds the door open for others. he tips extra at restaurants. he is kind to service workers. he's just a gentleman overall even though he likes to act tough. he rolls up his sleeves while cleaning or cutting up vegetables, and you can see the veins bulging in his forearms. wears those form-fitting aprons where you can see the outline of his waist and the muscles in his back. he is not immune to raging pit bull moments, but he will calm down immediately when you ask him to.

kaiser requires physical touch to function. all concept of personal boundaries goes poof in his little ego-driven brain. he holds your chin so you look up at him while he's talking. also has that husky growl when he wakes up in the morning. he speaks german. what else is more attractive than that? if you stroke his ego, he will puff his chest out like an emperor penguin and flash that movie star smile. does not slow down his pace for you, and will laugh at your expense when you trip in heels and fall. but then he feels guilty about it and begrudgingly picks you up and carries you home. however, before that he will make you swear on everything holy to never tell isagi about his moment of weakness. (tbh kaiser is a menace and has some serious self-esteem issues. pls avoid dating a man like him in real life until he is fully mature. i still love him tho.)

reo mansplains but not in the condescending way. he does so in the "omg i'm so excited to finally get to share something with you and you're never going to believe it" sort of way. rambles on and on about his interests and gets that little glint in his eye when he's passionate about something. also not sure if this counts but he gets extremely depressed when you don't message him back within five minutes. what do you mean you were busy? he was out here dying from a literal famine. he needs your affection to survive. last but not least, he is good at styling. he knows what colors work best for you, and he will put together three new looks for you in record time.

hiori dreams that you left him for good and wakes up crying with his arms around you. will refuse to let you leave the bed even if it is just to get a glass of water. his rare moments of emotional vulnerability are what gets to you.

shidou does not condone any of your bad decisions. you want to get shit-faced and party until early morning? no complaints from him. you want to wear sexy outfits to the club? say less because he's about to enjoy the view and knock out the front teeth of every guy who dares to ogle you. i don't know if this qualifies as being attractive, but he would never be the controlling type. you can dress and act however you want. unfortunately for you though, this is also a textbook case of the blind leading the blind. if you get horrendously hungover, so does he. if you get pulled over, he's going to be too blackout drunk to even comprehend the officer's words. you can count on him for a good time, but not anything else. do not take any of his advice at face value.

oliver likes to show you off even if he doesn't notice it himself. any talk with his team, and he will find a way to make the entire conversation about you. at this point, the entire u-20 team is done with him. they placed bets that you two wouldn't last more than a month due to his philandering reputation, but the universe seems to think otherwise because you and oliver hit the six-month mark and are still going strong.

ness guards your drink with an unnecessary amount of protection. while you left to go use the restroom, he was looking left and right, and the hairs on the back of his neck were prickling every time someone even came close to your cup. he also shoos away any person who opens their mouth while standing next to your drink because apparently the condensation from their breath could be dangerous. definitely covers your cup with both hands even if it has a lid. no suspicious shit is happening on his watch.

yukimiya is well-read, and he wears glasses. he has a copy of every single classic out there in existence and will fangirl along with you over your virginia woolf collection. he was written by a woman with two cats and a wine glass. not much else to say.

loki absolutely clears the entire carnival/arcade game. you want that giant teddy bear that costs over three hundred ticket points? say less because he's about to win the whole damn pot. of all characters, i would say he's one of the only green flags. like celery green.

isagi always looks for you when he enters the room. intentionally or not, he always seeks your presence. if someone says a funny joke, he turns to you to see if you're laughing or not. also does that somewhat creepy stare thing where he just looks at you quietly while you do mundane tasks. internally he is screaming cus what do you mean you actually like him?

chigiri gives you that thankful little smile whenever you stand up for him. i feel like people don't understand how goofy he can get as he's canonically good at doing impressions/impersonations. also has the prettiest laugh. if he ever cuts his hair, i think i'm going to get a nosebleed.

noa unconsciously says yes to every question you ask of him. he'd be giving bastard münchen a hard time (and denying isagi's requests) but then immediately once you come over, he's automatically acquiescing to everything you say. the rest of the team is low-key shocked you can win him over so easily. when they confront him about it, he just shrugs and goes "y/n is always right."

kurona's entire existence is attractive. he's just perfect. nothing is ever wrong with him. will let you check out his shark teeth and lightly pokes your finger to leave an imprint. hopefully you'll always remember him that way. he's also quiet so he will listen to everything you say and give ample weight to your words.

sae is my baby girl so he gets a whole section dedicated to himself:

absentmindedly plays with your hair. when you're sleeping in his lap, he'll gently run his fingers along your scalp. sometimes in the morning when you're sitting up on the edge of your bed to do your makeup, he'll come up from behind you and brush back your hair. might also press a kiss to the back of your neck.

helps you put on your face mask. when he's shopping, he will buy you lotion along with his own skincare products. says that it was just a convenient store run but you know he personally made sure to get you the best quality ones.

this is canon because i said so: when he gets out of the shower, he slings the towel over his neck or his shoulder. he also involuntarily flexes his biceps when he bends down to grab something. has the world's most defined deltoids.

when you're stuck in large crowds at the airport, he puts his hand in your back pocket to keep you two from getting separated. if the TSA pat-down is anywhere too personal for his liking, he will openly glare at the officer once you've passed the security checkpoint.

bonus point: when you two brush your teeth early in the morning, he has that little bed head where his shorn-off bangs stick up in cute little tufts here and there. will have a dead look on his face, but his eyes soften when he catches your gaze through the mirror.

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angelfrombeneth · 4 months

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HIS FAVOURITE - T . NOTT

Mature Content Ahead

Theodore Nott x F!Reader

Summary: *REQUESTED*, You and Theo are best friends with benefits, you thought what more could you want. Until you finally get faced with a girl brave enough to touch what's yours. But he wasn't yours was he?

Warnings: SMUT, Switch!Theo, Switch!Reader, Unprotective sex (WRAP IT UP!!), Tit Sucking, Alot of grabbing and marking. Slight blood kink mention. Pain play to a certain degree.

Your giggling as Theo, kisses down your collarbone, pulling down your bra as he latches himself onto your breast, his free hand gripping your other one. Your hands running through his hair as he peers up at you, his dark eyes staring into your soul.

"God you are so hot" Theo growled against your skin, licking a stripe between your breasts before unclapsing your bra and dropping it off the side of the bed as you giggled, pulling his tie as you latched onto his mouth once again.

The pair of you were making out on his bed, partially clothed. It's not like you wanted to have sex with this moment, you just liked the feeling of being skin to skin with him. Theo was completely free of his uniform, only in his boxers and his tie that hung loosely around his neck. You were in just your skirt, with a completely bare chest.

You pecked his lips softly as you moved to straddle him, giggling as his hands rested on your ass, squeezing the flesh tightly.

"I dont want to go to DADA" you groaned, leaning forward against Theo's chest, arching your back slightly as you leaned up on your elbows.

"Just skip, I had a free" He whined, pouting up at you.

"Theo don't get me wrong, I love spending time with you but I can only handle your presence for so long" You giggled as you sat up, Theo following suit, kissing your neck softly as his hands roamed up and down your back. "And besides, I get to stare that new girl- she's super cute you know" You giggled as you looked at him.

"Cuter than me?" You looked at you briefly before burying himself back in your chest, sucking the flesh around your tits, leaving dark hickies.

"Obviously not" You ruffled his hair chuckling as you lifted up his chin and began to kiss him again.

You both heard a loud knock on the door, pulling away from eachother briefly.

"Who is it?" Theo yelled as you began to now attack his neck. Nibbling and sucking on the skin as he chuckled as your neediness.

"Its me- Do you have a chick in here-" Mattheo busted the door open, hand over his eyes.

"Mhm, its Y/N tho" He slapped your ass harshly as you yelped giggling as you cuddled into him, pressing your tits into his chest as you looked at Mattheo.

"Hi Matty" you cooed.

His hand drooped from his eyes as he looked at the two of you and scoffed, shutting the door and throwing himself on his bed. "Thank god its you" He groaned.

"Excuse me are there other girls?" You looked at Theo, your words spilling out of your mouth quickly before noticing that was riddled with jealousy.

"What! No?? Mattheo is just fucking around" Theo looked at you.

You rolled your eyes standing up, as you put your bra back on. You couldn't help but notice Mattheo sneaking a glance.

"Y/N, I'm serious-"

"Theo I'm joking" You laughed out, poking his chest as you pulled your blouse back on. "Its not like we are dating or something." You laughed awkwardly before clapping your hands together while slipping your heels on. "I've got DADA, see you boys later" You smiled.

"What your leaving? But I'm fucking harder than stonehenge right now" Theo whined.

"OK and? You have a fucking hand Nott. Bye Riddle!" You yelled before shutting the door behind you.

After class, you spot Pansy waiting for you outside your class.

"My lovely wife escorting me to lunch?" You gasped.

"Of course!" Pansy chuckled as you kissed eachothers cheeks.

"God DADA was so boring, but I heard some gossiping from the Ravenclaws" You raised an eyebrow.

"Oo I'm listening" Pansy chuckled.

The pair of you walked down the hall, your heels clicking insync as you giggled, whispering to eachother and gossiping. You walk into the Great Hall, a few people looking at you both as you turned to them, glaring at them. You both made it to the Slytherin table, looking at your friends smiling.

You walked over to Theo, his hand instantly resting on the back of your thigh, right below the curve of your ass as you smiled down at him.

"Your guys's friendship is fucking weird" Draco groaned.

You rolled your eyes, sitting down beside Theo as you, began to eat your lunch. "Of course you'd say that, you can't even wrap your head around the concept of friends with benefits because you dont have any friends" Theo barked back.

"I have friends. You guys are my friends!" Draco defended, looking round at you all as you all plmade questionable noises to wind him up. "Oh piss off" You all laughed.

"Oh! Y/N!" Pansy grabbed your hand, leaning over the table. "I forgot to tell you, Harry and Ron are having like this weird argument because Ginny admitted to Ron she likes Harry but Ron is blaming Harry, how weird right?!"

"Ron is definitely a weird one, let Ginny be happy" You scoffed.

"Thats what I said, but poor girl.. She likes Potter, he's just.. hes not even in the top 10" Pansy gritted her teeth causing you to laugh.

"Top 10?? you guys are ranking us?" Mattheo chirped.

"Whats this about ranking?" Blaise walked over, hand in hand with Daphne as Astoria loomed behind the two.

"Tori!" You smiled as the girl sat beside you, as you hugged her.

"The girls have ranked us apparently" Draco quipped.

"Oh yeah, we ranked everyone worthy" Daphne smiled, removing Blaises hand from her shoulder.

"Who's first?" Theo asked.

"Wouldn't you like to know" Pansy smirked.

Everyone hounded Pansh with questions about the list and you all giggled at the boys being so desperate to know.

Theo looked at you with pleading eyes, you giggled looking at Theo and whispering. "Your my number one anyway" You smiled, squeezing his thigh before standing up.

"Right I'm off, want to make sure I can get a good seat for Charms" You smiled standing up, everyone turning to look at you.

"I'll walk you" Theo smiled and standing up and walking behind you, his arm over your shoulder.

As the pair of you walked off, Theo smirked, dropping his arm from your shoulder and slapping your ass loudly.

"Theo!-" You yelped looking around the Great Hall before smacking his arm. He laughed as you scoffed walking faster out the hall.

After what felt like fucking hours, you finally finished your classes for the day and went back to your room. You had two extra classes today which meant you finished at 6pm whereas everyone else finished at 3pm. You skipped out on dinner, grabbing some snacks from the kitchen during your 2 minute break you had.

You walked back to your dorm, opening the door and ignored your surroundings as you crash into your bed, face first.

It took you a few seconds to realise the music filling the room before you sat up and looked at Astoria, Daphne abd Pansy all huddled in the shared bathroom you all share.

"What are you guys doing" You groaned, your head resting against your pillow as you layed on your side.

"Its a party girl!" Daphne smiled.

"Party? What party?" You sat up, groaning.

"Just the boys felt like it. We organised it over dinner. Hope you don't mind Y/N" Astoria looked over at you.

"Of course not, just give me 10 minutes to power nap" You sighed, pulling your pillow to cover your face as you blacked out.

You felt yourself being shaken as you woke up, looking around the room confused. You looked to see Pansy sat next to you smiling.

"Oh Pans- Fuck what time is it.." You sat up, hearing music downstairs.

"Its 9:30pm, the party started an hour ago. We were going to wake you up for pres but I wanted you to rest" She smiled.

"Fuck Pans that's like nearly 4 hours" You groaned.

"Its ok, I told everyone you aren't dead just sleeping. You know who wa super worried.." She nudged you. "Theo"

"Pans I told you.. Its not like that" You sighed.

"I know, but I think he likes you Y/N, I wouldn't be saying this if I didn't mean it" She followed you as you walked into the bathroom quickly stripped down as you hopped in the shower. You and Pansy were super close, you even showered together sometimes so it didn't bother you that she was here.

"God I wish" You groaned. "Do you think he's sleeping with other girls"

"No, I don't think he is. Mattheo is a whore but he has loose lips, we'd know" She hummed.

"Mattheo said 'do you have a chick in here' earlier what if he's seeing other girls Pans-"

"Y/N, your overthinking it.. Calm down"

The two of you went back and forth for a half hour as you showered quickly, drying yourself over as you sat in a towel doing ur makeup as Pansy dried your hair and styled it.

"Give it a chance, I mean you two literally hook up anyway. He fucking slapped your ass in public!" She laughed as she combed your hair.

You set your makeup, sighing at Pansy smiled backing away and staring at her masterpiece. You turned to her with a weak smile. "You think?"

"I know" She smiled, grabbing the dress that was on her bed. "This will make it work" She smirked as she held up an extremely tiny black dress. It was strapless and and ti y! It looked like a top.

"I can't fucking wear this" You held it uo to your body.

"You can and u will, now hurry up!" She grabbed your towel, pulling it off as you stood just in panties.

"Whatever help me with this" You pulled the dress up, holding it up around your breasts as Pansy zipped it. You won't lie, it was a fucking work out, your tits were way too big for this dress, pratically spilling over the top and the bottom of your ass was very much visible and if you bent over so would your red thong.

"Isn't this too slutty?" You looked to her as you put your heels on.

She popped a gummy in your mouth as she smiled at you. "Nope, now chew"

The two of you swallowed the gummies and waited until you started to feel the effect. The pair of you had hardly eaten so the weed hit you quicker than usual. Within minutes you were feeling the buzz and feeling more relaxed.

"Lets go" Pansy smiled taking your hand and leading you out of the room.

The two of you decended down the stairs, giggling as you held one another. People turning to look at the pair of you.

You noticed multiple people looking, feeling slightly nervous because of your outfit.

"You look hot, that's why they're looking" Pansy whispered smiling. You sighed as she continued to lead you through the crowd to the corner of the common room.

"Pansy is back!" A very drunk Daphne cheered as she sat on Blaise's lap.

Everyone turned to greet the pair of you, you noticed Theo by the window. The moment his eyes locked onto you he beckoned you over. You rounded the couch and walked to the window.

"What are you wearing?" Theo looked up at you, looking behind you and glaring at people who stared at you.

"Pansy gave me it" You felt his gaze burning through you.

His hands gripping the top of your thighs tightly, his hands threatening to grip your ass.

"Your driving me insane" He bit his lip, pulling you closer. "You can't wear this, not when other guys can see you"

You looked down at him, giggling softly as your hands rested on his shoulders. "Oh yeah?" Your right hand going to his neck as you softly caressed it.

"Mhm.. You're mine" His right hand gripping your left cheek tightly as his hand slid up your dress. He leaned up, taking his right hand and pulling your neck as he kissed you.

You felt as if it was just the two of you, no one else around as you pulled away he smiled up at you. His hand stayed on your ass as his other hand reached into his pocket, popping a cigarette in his mouth, pulling out his lighter.

"Light this for me, Principessa" He mumbled with the cigarette between his lips. You took the lighter from his hand, covering the end with your hand as you lit it. You watched him take a long drag as he exhaled, smiling up at you. "Thank you"

You stayed with Theo for a bit longer giggling as you two exchanged your days. You really fucking liked this guy, but you were still unsure if he just saw you as a friend.. a body. You got too in thought and had to excuse yourself.

"I'm going to get a drink" You smiled. "I'll be back"

"Don't be too long" He chuckled, taking his cup to his lips as he took a swig of his drink.

You walked away from him, you walked futher into the crowd spotting Pansy and grabbing her arm as you walked over to the drinks table.

"Holy fuck, you were literally making out back there" She laughed, as you stared at her.

"Pansy- I can't do it anymore. I can't kiss him- I love him.. I'm too invested, my heart is literally in my throat" You blabbered.

"Tell him then.. I think you should just go for it" She smiled at you. "You can do it"

You took a deep breath. "I'm going to do it" You nodded smiling.

"OK, well its just you two over there, just let me know how it goes. Promise?" She holds up her pinkie.

You chuckled, locking your pinkie with hers. "Promise"

"Good luck!" She cheered as you turned around and began to walk back towards where you left Theo.

This was it. You were going to do it. You were going to tell Theodore how much you liked him. You loved him, everything about him. You two would seal the deal with a kiss and have a great night. You were excited despite the nerves eating you up.

As you saw the end of the crowd, you pushed through the last few people turning towards the window you left Theo. You noticed he wasn't there anymore, your eyebrows raised as you turned around looking around the room before you spotted his hair. You smiled, skipping towards the wall he was leaning against before you froze. A girl infront of him, he smiled as he spoke to her. You recognised this girl as the new girl who had recently transfered to Hogwarts. Her blonde hair flipping as she played with her talking to him. You slowlee down as you bared closer, stopping completely in your tracks when you saw it. When you saw them kiss.

Your heart dropped to your ass, the nerves rising to your mouth like you were going to throw up. Everything went in slow motion, the second she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him towards her. The pressure on the glass in your hand was harsh, the glass burst in your hands as your tongue poked the inside of your cheek, you radiated jealously. You ran, dropping the remainder of the glass as you ran towards the dorms, towards your safe space. Your bed.

You opened the door, tears staining your face as your makeup slightly ran. You looked in the mirror and just laughed. "You are so stupid.. Why are you crying? Crying over a boy!"

Third POV

As you ran through the crowd Theo, pushed the girl away, and noticed you rushing through the crowd quickly.

"What the fuck are you doing?" He looked at the girl.

"Kissing you duh?" She looked at him weirdly.

"I have a fucking girlfriend!" He snapped as he pushed past her and ran through the crowd, looking for you.

He was running everywhere looking for you, but noticing his friends are still here, especially Pansy, so he retreated to your room.

Your POV

"Stupid!" You yelled as you kicked your heels off.

Just then the door swung open and Theo looked at you, his face softening at the sight of yours.

"Y/N- Listen let me explain-"

You cut him off "You don't need to explain Theo. We aren't dating, I shouldn't be upset. I know. It's just.." Your lip quivered. You turned to look at him.

"God Theo. Why did you have to be so fucking perfect. This makes this so fucking hard for me!" You screamed as you hit his chest sobbing. "I- I know we aren't dating. I have no right- we are just friends but... you make it so hard to just be friends" You sobbed loudly into his chest as your balled fist, hit against him softly.

Theo's heart was in his throat seeing you like this. You wouldn't stop rambling on about how your sorry you got jealous and everything, you weren't listening. You werent giving him a chance. Theo pushed you away, before crashing his lips onto your to shut you up mid rant.

You were shocked from the action, freezing momentarily as he pulled away, holding your shoulders. "I didn't kiss her Y/N. She kissed me- I pulled away. I don't want anyone else. I only want you-" He looked down at you, biting his lip nervously.

"Y-You do.." You nibbled on your own lip too, looking up at him.

"Yes! You idiot" He laughed, as you smiled at him. He took your hands into his but noticed a cut.

"Did you hurt yourself?" He lifted up your hand to examine said cut.

"Um well-"

Theo just laughed as he shook his head. His eyes locked on yours as he smirked, licking the blood from your hand before pressing a soft kiss on it. "Lets get you cleaned up"

Theo pulled you into your bathroom cleaning your cut and wrapping it up. While he teased you for getting so jealous you smashed a glass. You were flustered and didn't know what more to say, which he found entertaining.

The pair of you left the bathroom, and Theo sat on your bed as you stood before him.

"My jealous little girl" He smirked.

"Stop it.." You looked away.

"You going to fight any girl that looks my way huh? Be my personal guard dog" He teased, laughing. You pushed his chest as you whined and he took the opportunity to take your hands and pulled you closer, causing you to fall forward ontop of him. His back now against the mattress as you held yourself above him.

He smiled up at you, as you peered down at him. "I love you, really. I've wanted to say it for so long" He snaked his hand around your neck as he kissed you harshly, sitting up and pulling you to straddle his lap.

Your hands snake around his neck as he gripped your waist harshly, pulling you closer as you both makeout. His tongue sliding into your mouth as you hum softly. You pull away, biting your lip as you whine. "Unzip me"

Theo is quick to unzip the dress and pull it up over your head as you unbutton his shirt and slide it off, kissing down your neck, sucking at the skin harshly, leaving dark hickies. Soft moans left his lips as you continued to move down to his collarbone, grinding back and forth on his bulge before pulling away.

"God, you are so perfect" He groaned, u buckling his belt and pulling it off roughly. You got off him momentarily as he stood up, taking a condom out his pocket, throwing it onto the pillow and dropping his jeans before you grabbed him, pulling him back down on the bed as you straddled him once again. "Fuck- Needy too"

"Shut up" You laughed, sitting up slightly as you pushed his boxers down, watching his cock slap up to his stomach, precum leaking from his tip. "You're the needy one" You cooed, taking his length in your hand and jerking it a few times watching his face contort as you smirked. You reached for the condom that he took out of his pocket, ripping it open and sliding it down his dick.

You held his dick, using your free hand to pull your panties to the side as you slowly sunk down on it, leaning your head back as you whined softly before taking a deep breath in before letting your whole body just drop onto his length as you gasped, scratching his chest as you felt him pratically fold inside you.

"Fuck- so tight" You gritted his teeth, using his arms to support himself up on the bed as you sighed, grinding back and forth ontop of him. Feeling his cock move inside of you.

"...holy shit.." You whispered "Am I high or does this feel better than normal" You whined, gripping his shoulders are you spend up, rocking your hips back and forth faster. "Fuck yes!-"

"Fuck yourself on my cock, yeah like that-" He groaned, throwing his head back momentarily before reaching his hands to your hips, rocking you faster.

"God I fucking love your cock!-" You whined, leaning forward as you kissed him roughly. Theo sat up, pulling you as close as he could, shoving his tongue down your throat as you madeout extremely sloppily. His hands gripping your ass as he forcefully rocked your ass back and forth at a phenomenal pace as you both moaned into the kiss.

You've never been more grateful until now that Theo was a vocal guy during sex, he was beyond turning you on.

He took your lip between his teeth as he groaned, sucking on your lip as you yelped, scratching at his back as you began to bounce on his dick. His hands on the curve of your ass helping lift you up and down. He let out a whine as you threw your head back, gasping for air as you repeatedly moaned his name.

"Yes! Oh yes- Theodore! There!" You screamed out as you let out a soft giggle.

His lips latched to your breast again, sucking it harshly as you bounced up and down on his cock like your life depended on it. His tongue swirled your nipple before flicking at it, his cheeks hollowing as he sucked the flesh, his cock growing harder inside of you.

You pulled his head up to yours, your tit falling from his mouth, his lips wet with saliva as you pressed your forehead to his.

"M' love you- you feel so good" He whined.

"Love you too" You sighed, pecking his lips softly.

You felt so drunk on his dick you were going insane. You push him back to lay against the bed as you leaned forward, your breasts pushed up against his chest as you slapped your ass down against his pelvis with each movement. Skin slapping and bed creak filled the room as you did so.

"Teddy- I love you so much-" You whined out.

"I know darling- I know you do" He croaked as he looked at you, panting heavily.

You gulped, lifting your ass pulling his dick out of you, his eyebrows furrow as he looked at you. You pinch the tip of the condom before yanking it off harshly, tying it quickly before throwing it into ur trashcan. "I want to show you.. that I-" You steadied yourself, holding his dick against your wet folds as you rubbed it up and down before sinking down yet again. "That- I love you.. fuck.. cum in me-"

Theo's eyes grew wide as you wiggled back down on his cock. Gasping at the feeling of being bare inside of you. He didn't last long, neither of you did.

You continued to rock back and forth, panting heavily as you gripped his shoulders feeling his dick twitch inside of you, no condom barrier. You tugged at his hair throwing your head back as you gasped, as you rode him with all your might.

You kissed him deeply, moaning softly into the kiss as he held you close. His hand on your neck as he kissed your deeper.

"Fuck yeah- m' coming" He growled as he gritted his teeth, thrusting harshly up into you, flipping the pair of you over so that you layed against the bed. His thrusts became erratic as the bed creaked with his moments as you gripped his back, your legs tightly clamped around his waist as your whole body rebounded off of him. Theo was spoilt for the view, watching as your tots bounce against his thrusts. His hands gripping both of them as he thrusted deep and harsh one more time before letting out a soft whiney moan as he came inside of you- you also following suit.

The two of you panting heavily as Theo, layed next to you, cuddling you as you snuggled into his chest.

As Theo went to pull out, you gasped slightly, gripping his chest. "Dont" you whispered. He smiled as you pulled you closer, holding you tightly as he pulled the covers over the pair of you.

"Goodnight Amore mio" Theo spoke softly, pressing a kiss onto your temple. He looked down at your peacefully sleeping figure as he smiled to himself, snuggling into you as he also closed his eyes.

Third POV

Pansy giggled, holding Luna's hand as she opened the dorm door, before scanning the room noticing a very drunk Astoria passed out on Daphne's bed right by the door. Daphne no where to be seen. She walked to the other side of the room, opening your shared drawers as she grabbed some pajamas but noticing you abd Theo cuddling, under the duvet. She smiled to herself before tiptoeing over to Astoria and pulling the covers over her.

"Y/N and Theo are so cute" Luna cooed.

"I know.. Hopefully they are official now, this never happens" Pansy giggled, exiting the room with Luna and slowly shutting the door.

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