#trying so hard to find new music

[f-ngrl]

trying spotify playlists and foggyatthebottom came on, a song from 2021 and he said the n word like 3 times???? (idk about after that i turned it off) in 2021?!?! i thought i heard wrong!?? (there are no lyrics available anywhere so not sure) he’s american and not a kid and definitely knows what he’s doing woah

(even if he’d argue he’s speaking korean and saying “you” he’s absolutely trying to make it sound like the english word. and it’s between english rap)

#like i know he & friends are trying hard to be bad boys but #is this really necessary #wellll bye then #foggyatthebottom #the song is called gas station raid #trying so hard to find new music #and this the result :(((

[oflgtfol]

i was talking to my therapist last week about how i'm kinda excited but also equally apprehensive about starting grad school this fall because yes, i so so desperately needed a gap year otherwise i think i literally would have killed myself and/or had a breakdown big enough to land me in the hospital, and even beyond that i just needed to figure out a more concrete plan of what i'm going to do with my life in general -- while all of that is true, and i'm glad i took the gap year for it, i'm also apprehensive because i genuinely feel like an entirely different person than i was even at this exact point in time last year, nevermind anything earlier than that. it's only been a single year of me being out of school but my life has changed so dramatically, mostly for the better, and my whole personality has flipped on its head, it's just going to be so fucking weird going back to the same school, the same campus, potentially seeing my old friends around. augh

#sorry i was trying to find a post in my music tag in my archive and i scrolled so far back i got all the way to april 2023 #where i referenced sitting in a dining hall #and its like. DINING HALL ?!?!?! #im going to be sitting in the fucking dining hall again in just like four months. UGH #brot posts #it's almost similar to the separation between high school and college. where i feel like hs me was completely different than college me #and now only a mere year later i feel like. post-undergrad me is completely different than undergrad me #although now that separation is exacerbated by how short a time it was and just HOW drastic a change it was #like . a bitch goes on antidepressants suddenly theyre a whole new person. #like im lowkey excited to see my old classmates and friends again #but i also am dreading it bc like hi. hey. i have the same name and face as the person you knew but i'm someone else now. sorry #and also just the persistent fear that i'm going to regress or at least even just /feel/ like im regressing #just by being back in that environment again? #even if i'll be on meds this time and actually going to therapy and overall having so much more support than i did in the past #so as nostalgic as i am to be on campus again it's also like. hard to separate the present from the past #like despite it all. this bathroom was still the very same place i went to have a mental breakdown weekly #this bench outdoors was the place i sat by myself to eat lunch in the blistering cold bc i couldnt eat indoors during covid 2020-2021 #this bench indoors was where my friends had an intervention with me and forced me to call the on-campus mental health services #just . idk. feeling a strange mix of nostalgia and also being haunted by bad memories #oh the woes of going to grad school at the same place you got your undergrad. While mentally ill #but alas i need to save money by commuting and having instate tuition

[lhrry]

x

#aotv spoilers #ok you’re asking for my opinions let’s do it #i love louis!!!! im so proud of him and im so happy i got to watch him on his journey for so long and can’t wait for what’s to come for him #and i think my love for him and for his music and for my time in the fandím and for one d etc is what makes this a good watch and why i #liked it because otherwise i have my reservations to the movie and im not going to get into the babygate stuff #apart from the fact that louis trying to get freddie to hug him was extremely awkward and ive never seen less organic thing than the beach #scene and i find it funny they tried to push that as organic so hard #my issue is that it just had a potential to be a much better film is all sksmsk #it is good but it feels a bit rushed and kind of cheap in some ways and i get that’s the style of these biopics sometimes but #like it was such a shame the bg music was not really gold and was always exaggeratedly emotional because it made it cheesy and cheap and #kind of forced #i think it would have a great potential to get many people to say wow this is a strong talented guy and i think it is a great intro but i #think they undersold the movie so it’s not going to have a chance to reach an audience much wider than his current fanbase which is a shame #for his current fanbase it is a solidification and reiteration of his promo season and it is very clear where they want louis to stand and #what they want his image to be like and i think it’s absolutely amazing how they managed to show his growth as an artist and as a human and #and place him in a position where he’s now confident and secure and ready to embark on a new journey etc. although for the fans there’s #nothing new there and i think it’s worth considering how exactly they’re portraying and that they completely left out his relationships #aside from his family and the band #i think it’s important that it was noted he was undersestimated and pushed down and i think they made obvious how much he’s worked on #himself #i think it’s kinda clear they’re using it as a faith in the future promo with the new songs even though the doc ends with the end of the #tour #i think it’s interesting how many rainbow flags they chose to include without addressing the way his shows and fanbase look at all because #if i were from Gp id wonder what’s up with that esp when he only acknowledged the kmm project again #generally i think it’s a good watch that’s very transparent in what it’s trying to do for louis promo and image wise and it doesn’t tell #you anything new but it reminds you why you love this man so much while also leaving you a bit disappointed because this had a much #greater cinematic potential and a lot of it feels either rushed or underfinanced or forced and that’s a shame

[tvrningout]

— 𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐋𝐋 𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐔𝐑𝐋 𝐔𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐈𝐓𝐋𝐄𝐒.

T — 2085 ; ajr V — varud ; sigur ros R — rocket girl ; lemaitre feat. betty who N — numb little bug ; em beihold I — i talk too much ; november ultra N — nebraska ; oh wonder G — gallows ; katie garfield O — oh my god ; (g)i-dle U — uglykid ; hobo johnson feat. elohim T — the killing kind ; marianas trench

tagged by: @metrictita thank you vee!! <3<3<3

tagging: @futurefind @amalanexus @altrxisme @fangier @mellodiies @soulsballad @sozokami @avaere @never-surrender @espectres @violetueur @pontevoix @cauterisen and anyone who sees this who hasn't already done it!!

#i was trying to tag people vee didn't already asdfg but if you've already done this don't mind me :' ) #and man was this actually hard to do bc i wanted to put a bunch of different songs down bc i love so many!!! how can i decide on only #a few to share!!! #and we got a nice lil mixed bag here but there's other genres that i listen to that didn't make it on here by pure chance asdfg #every single song on here i've listened to on repeat at some point though whether it was recently or not #and by repeat i mean a million times in a row ASDFG #anyway i hope y'all maybe find a new favorite tune to jam out to <3 #btw i didn't put it on the list bc i've said this before #but my url is taken from turning out by ajr! that group's music gives me a lot of inspo tbh #i could truly ramble about music and character songs for ages if you let me :' ) #get ready to ramble | ooc

[courfeyrec]

what's really sad is that i know that having as much knowledge of taylor swift's personal life as i do is 100% a part of why i am struggling to listen to and appreciate this album as i would an album from any other artist

#i just can't turn it off in my brain. and i can't see any discussion of the songs that does not include analysis of her real life too. #i try to avoid finding out about her life nowadays but it's so hard sometimes #like (for example) instagram thinking that me liking one post about a song of hers mean i want to see every news article about her #i don't!!! go away!!!! i don't want to see these words at all!!! #taylor swift #music #ttpd #mae posts

[theflyingfeeling]

thanks for the tag @rbf451 🖤 (I wish we talked more!)

when you see this, post 5 songs you actually listen to and tag 10 of your favorite followers/mutuals

1. Menkää rauhassa by Antti Tuisku

2. I'm Fine by McFly

3. Fake Out by Fall Out Boy

4. Muero by Alvaro Soler

5. Flatline by Blind Channel

tagging @himmelno44 @everyonceinalittlewhile @sinking-into-mist @percervall @mother-harrington @letsplayitcool +4 other secret people

#this is more like ''5 songs i would listen to if i was in the mood'' #the relationship between me and music is kinda complicated lol pls don't ask #every once in 10 years i find a new artist or band i REALLY love. other than that it's the same ~10 songs lol #i find it incredibly hard to find new music to listen to so i don't eveb bother #rambling in the tags lol just trying to explain myself ig #i love being tagged on this but music-related tags are challenging for me #y'all are out there with such diverse music tastes #by bands and artists i've never heard of #meanwhile i'm here just like...... ._. yes i'm still mainly listening to BC lol 🫣 #edit. .....i really use 'lol' a lot don't i 💀

[marypsue]

Good evening anyone who has been following the Hawkins, Indiana psychic baby boom series, I am pleased to report that I believe I've finally settled the matter of how, exactly, Eddie fits into the proceedings of the third and final installment, and we're rolling again! There are actual words on the actual page that were not there on Monday, and they might even make it into the finished fic!

#he's still not a major player so if that was something you wanted: sorry but also not sorry this is my AU and I get to pick the music #and there is already so much going on that there is not ROOM to introduce a brand new major player #it was hard enough finding a way to link a minor one up to the thematic and plot throughlines I'm trying to resolve! #ANYWAY i'm excited and i think it's going to be good

[eyivibyemi]

✧ I won’t really write descriptions for these, but see original post tags for explanation/commentary on the song snippet ✧

#This was literally just off the top of my head improvising words that rhyme (as is obvious from me rhyming the word #'on' with the word.... 'on' (what's going ON my name is ON' etc. lol) but after actually thinking about it this kind of seems a little #sinister?? why is his name on the news? why is he fleeing town? makes me think of of some guy who's killed #someone or is finally getting caught for his crimes so one last stop before he flees town is he returns home to his husband (who he #calls Hummingbird sometimes I guess) and is like 'erm... tee hee.. I can't tell you why but I shall leave. farewell' etc. #also 'I guess I could show you' having a bad implication like.. yeah I COULD show you the dead bodies and evidence of my crimes #but I will spare you from that and simply let you live in ignorance (at least until you see the news at 10.. but I will be long gone by #then.. eating green beans somewhere lol).. ANYWAY.. 100% unintentional but you could actually almost read some sort of meaning #out of this one. until the green beans part ghhbjb.. I try so hard for everything to just be meaningless gibberish #that has no connection but I suppose sometimes a connection can be made. alas.. a perhaps accidentally Dark seeming song snippet #OR alternate theory. uhh... actually his name is on the news for a good reason. he donated all his money to charity and now #he's fleeing town just because he's embarassed to be publicly recognized.. a shy philanthropist OR an evasive murderer #BOTH versions of him like green beans. which is the truth? up to listener interpretation lol.. Also I #still find it immensely funny for some reason to do this lower sounding style of singing. which not that I really care about like having a #Broad Range or something since I don't think it'd even be possible to have one in my position (as someone #with zero musical/vocial training/etc.) BUT because part of what I find fun is like.. experimenting with all different sorts of sounds #and also doing choir type stuff. So then I do want to be able to sound like multiple people.. if that makes sense? I want to have a really #high voice and the a really low voice and have them sing together and it sounds like a duet or something when it's really just one person. #etc. Thus have a passing interest in learning to adopt different singing styles if I can. because then that's funny and I can do a wider #variety of things like it's all different characters or something as if all the song snippets are done by different people or etc. #(maybe just part of the nature of it being experimental). #And the low voice is always the goofiest sounding to me and very 'fake' seeming I guess #like blatantly is just someone putting on an affect or whatever but still in a kind of fun jokey way lol #beepo tag

[readymades2002]

something difficult about writing/storytelling but only in short disconnected bursts is that writing anything longform is very difficult. there isn't as much time to practice long-term character development or subtlety (implying character instead of immediately clarifying) when its not really meant to go anywhere but a notes app. its a little frustrating...i'd love to do something more longform though. i've considered maybe just doing some short writing scenes in my various original universes a lot recently mostly because i just havent had time to draw anything fancy recently </3 maybe that would be something...

#briefly talked about it with a coworker today bc i mentioned my brother makes music #and she got excited because she paints and she showed me some of her work (beautiful btw!!!) #and said she hopes he pursues music and doesnt get his heart crushed by retail like we do #we still make things but ive been thinking about it...it really is like #i feel like ive had less TIME to make things but ive also developed more interest in my own ideas #and in constructing them on their own terms. its hard to describe and even harder to share because its #not churning out fanart for a response i guess? #i dont know. i do feel more satisfied with what im planning but theres less to share #anyway i promised her i'd show her my art sometime so essentially i have to flee the country now #she does lovely work she paints pictures of pets and it seems so nice. she seems so happy with it! #its like...i love it. im a little jealous of it. i feel so much pressure to Do Something New with my art #try to craft scenes and settings (i think setting is such ann important part of storytelling but i have so much trouble drawing it!) #and try new compositions and poses and just not have everything look the same all the time #its led to a lot of work im proud of but its also hard to create under those expectations... #i wish i could find a niche and settle into it comfortably. i think fun character drawings could be that for me #but its...it frustrates me to post those because it feels like if its easy and i like doing it and how it turns out then im not trying #okay i think im done now. sorry for these rambling introspective posts lately lol im #trying to warm back up to posting so i can use this website again (despite how very very bad it is)... #i want to see my frieeeeeends <//////3 i want to be here without running away <///3

[neverendingford]

.

#tag talk #storytime sexcapades #sadness is canceled. met a really cute cool dude visiting town for work and stayed up all night talking and uhhh. other things. #I really am so ready to move. I wanna be in a college town with community music groups and a larger visible queer population ugh. #anyway. the more I experiment the more I realize I'm actually definitely trans and I would like certain bits lopped off 😕 #I will literally never shut up about the connection between sex and gender. I'm sure there's some shortsightedness to it #because I'm speaking largely from my own experience with it. so obviously there's an implicit perspective bias there #but like. turns out when you're dissociated from your body it can be hard to enjoy certain body activities. #I'm mostly over showers now. it's way easier to see myself the way I want to be. still things I want fixed. but things are livable. #but yeh. sex is difficult when you're at war with your skin. #also. why do people do poppers. your head spin for a minute and you smell organic solvent for a while. my head spins all the time #like. “it's just like sniffing glue” bro why do people sniff glue I don't get that either“. #“it's like being drunk for a short time” I don't get why people do that either. #throwback to that time someone said I needed to not become an alcoholic and I just pointed to my four month old vodka bottle in the fridge. #idk. there's a use for it. alcohol is a CNS depressant and I love it for that. but only sometimes is that necessary. #anyway. I'm curious to try other substances but I fully expect to walk away going “eh. I don't get what the deal is with that”. #but we keep doing new things. for science. to learn about the world. and to become a more understanding person. understanding is everything #anyway. cool people do exist. I literally said that thing about not meeting people I like and the universe decided to be a joker about it #did I already say that we stayed up all night? sitting on the trunk of you car watching the stars on a warm desert night is a good vibe. #I like getting out of the city and finding a patch of desert to park in and just bathe in the night air. and it's better with company #the end. bye. I have an age of empires game to finish cause I paused it to go meet up with him. and now I have to finish it #ALSO. yeah I know.. vodka in the fridge. I've started putting it in the freezer just cause there's not as much room in the fridge

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Tonight I'm going to try to go to a trans and nonbinary support group, tomorrow I'm going to go to an open mic night, gonna try to make some friends, plant some roots, shit like that. Wish me luck?

#inread a post awhile ago where someone was wondering how to make friends as an adult #and someone reaponded 'consistently show up to things' so im trying that #gonna show up to places. trans and nb support group tonight. im anxious but hella excited. ive always wanted more trans friends #or just to know trans people in general #im looking forward to at least meetinf some people. hoping friends will come out of it #and there's this place near me that i love #every week they host an open stage and open art studio night #basically just show up and be creative or just vibe and watch people perform at the open mic #im excited for that too. i went there once for a concert to support an organization that supports autistic people and their families #that was amazing #and the other night they hosted a storyteller concert for a local band that i love #its super queer friendly and it feels like home tbh #im a musical and artsy person. im nb. im goping to find some people that share those interests #both of those places are also very queer friendly #places where i can be out. at work im not out so i have to pretend to be cis and it sucks #i want a place where i can be openly me #i have the anxiety whoch makes it hard to show up to new places but i think I can do it. im going to do it #the part of thos city i live in is super artsy and musical and it makes me soooo happy #i get bored of places easily and frequently want to run away #but i can see myself living here for years. i want to #yall don't understand how serious that is for me. its hitting me now #i have a coffee shop that i go to all pf the time. theres a band that plays at a good restaurant on Thursdays so my gf and i go there #and then of course the support group and artsy place #idk man im having a good time here #ive been getting emails about this support geoup for months. i was a lot braver when i signed up for the mailing list lol #and it says the topic for this week is funny stories related to our transness. i feel like thats a good topic to start with #i cant think of any funny stories related to my transness tho? idk my journey hasnt been super funny #im brainstorming while at work but maybe ill get inspiration from other people sharing their stories. or maybe ill just stay quiet today #idk. im getting more and more anxious as time draws nearer but i really want to go. im going to make myself #no reason to be anxious. its one hour surrounded by other trans people telling funny stories. i got this

[an-emo-trashbag]

trying to finish the hunter playlist I made for the millionth time

#my cycle is i finish it -> i listen to other music and find new things to add -> end up dumping a ton of new songs into it #-> make it private because I need to move things around sometime and also cull it -> take for fucking ever to do this #-> finish it again #and so on #i swear everytime too im like. okay my goal is to REMOVE songs and then i end up adding more in the process #trying to order thungs how i want is so hard i change my mind all the time so then i need to go back #so i can listen to the songs around the new placement in succession to decide if it was a good move or not #and i put all this effort into ordering but honestly sometimes i have a hard time following my own narrative thought for the #songs and how theyre applicable #im a bad playlist maker #im a serial dumper at heart #whenever i start any playlist thats what i do #and then sometimes (like for character playlists or playlist swaps) i have to try and remedy said dump #so its a reasonable length + has a length with a multiple of 5 because idk i find multiples of 5 comforting #so if im doing anything involving amounts with intent then the amount must end in 5 or 0 or ill be Deeply unsatisfied

[milo-is-rambling]

Oh okay I've now realized that my last group of friends has completely fucked my ability to form new close relationships or find myself worthy of interacting with people I perceive to be better than me (aka all people)

#just sitting here like :| #i know that feeling of like every time you lose someone in your life a part of you goes with them but I didn't realize how bad it was until #i got into a situation where I tried to make new friends and then it's just my brain wondering when they're gonna turn on me and I'll be #hated by a new group of people and I keep trying so hard to patch things up and make new friends and it's just like every time no one wants #to talk about anything that went wrong they simply want to leave without explanation or sympathy #i feel like I've been alone so long that I forgot how to be a person around other people #I'm wearing my person suit and just keep repeating 'be yourself' but I didn't fucking know who I am when I'm not completely alone drowning #out my thoughts with as much Pinterest music and stupid tv I can handle at once #like ugh I just wish I hadn't fucked everything up so bad with my last few groups of friends #i just want to feel like myself again and everytime i just barely start to feel like myself I find new friends and as I adapt to them they #leave and I'm alone again and I have to find who I really am all over again #why do I change for other people? i don't even realize I'm doing it until it's too late #ughhhhhhh #i am just exhausted #and my head hurts and I feel gross and tired and I want to cry and today is 75 days since my dad died and I've been thinking about him a lot #and I'm just so fucking exhausted and sad and emotional and I just want someone to fucking like and for me to believe them

[01tsubomi]

obviously the past few years i’ve still been listening to idols and quietly stanning twice and everything but i can’t believe i haven’t been deeply invested in idol stuff in like. 3 years. what was i doing?? i’m so happy i’m back

#TO SPARE THE LONG VERSION...because i have literally told it over and over on every platform i have... #while i was in akiba this weekend i got pulled off the street and into a live and now i stan the girls i stan them hard #except the thing with jpop is that it really only started becoming accessible in the past few years following kpop's model #and even now it's not Easy to stan bc between content still not always being possible to find and members coming in and out #and less translations and less fandom hype abroad...it's like a scavenger hunt something trying to stan #so for the last like half hour i've been looking thru the group's official discography page (which exists thank god) #and trying to find every song because there's a song they sang at the second live of theirs i saw that i love love love #i think it miiiight be off their new album that comes out in a few weeks bc i can't find ANY proof of it otherwise #but god even trying to find a 480p shaky camera video of some of these songs is a challenge #there's like ONE pre-2018 single available on amazon music and everything post 2018 is on spotify #but like. man are these groups hard to track sometimes #the passion the talent the music? there. the archiving? not #personal

[chisatowo]

Less ocs that are canon character's partners or siblings more ocs that are canon characters annoying younger cousin they've met like twice /j

#rat rambles #oc posting #band posting #anyways momoko is on the mind lol #Ive said she and mashiro are cousins before but to elaborate a lil theyve only interacted a few times but momoko kinda hates her #mainly because their parents pushed them rly hard achedemically and was constantly comparred to mashiro who was comparatively much better #they started trying to rebel against that pressure and tried to find smth that they could do without worrying abt other's expectations #and that lead to her finding a passion for music and making new friends who also loved music #them 4 would practice playing and create songs together but never rly went beyond that although they certainly planned to at some point #but then when morfonica became a thing and started doing more live performamces momoko kinda freaked out #she felt like mashiro was gonna steal music from her and it was gonna be like school all over again with mashiro being the score to meet #so she decided to push the band to try performing for real and while they were fine and even excited to do it as time went on they started #to notice that momoko seemed to be having less and less fun with their music and started to worry #after talking to her abt it briefly it freaks momoko out too since she didnt rly notice and she didnt want to stop liking music #with her bandmates help she starts trying to find out what was holding her back and although she tried hard to not let the conclusion be #made it was pretty apparent to her that it was largely because of mashiro and how she felt the need to be objectively better than her #which yknow isnt rly possible with music lol #long story short momoko eventually started trying to work through some of the issues and while shes not completely over it shes gained a #begrudging respect for morfonica and mashiro and is trying to repair their image of mashiro in their mind #I have some light thoughts abt how the other 3 would interact with morfonica but thats not strictly canon to their story since I think #tsukushi would explode if yuriko talked to her yuriko would think shes so cool and mature and shed praise tsukushi sm #anyways I should rly sleep now gn

[motherfricker]

damn the new mean girls movie kinda sucks

#its actually so weird because like #its just a musical done badly #the editing team does not know #what a musical lookslike #its crazy the set design is actually good. the outfits are fine. the performances are okay. #the mixing of the music is shit . the way the songs enter is shit . the bg score is barely there #the new direction they took with this musical just sucks ass #and angourie rice...if the only redhead you can find cannot belt or project her voice why cast her in the first place 😭 #just get a wig #also the aspect ratio is so inconsistent at first i thought it just changed with every song but no?? #hmmmm #its weird bcs #the beginning of the movie is actually fine #regina's entry is fine too #it just looks like its trying too hard to appeal to a non-musical fan audience?