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your-name-is-jim · 9 months

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What a Kirk/Spock shipper sees in a Kirk/Female-Love-Interest story [PART 2/2]

Part 1 <- Please read Part 1 first. Part 2 won't make sense otherwise!

This panel is absolutely AMAZING and you all deserved to see it :D

So, what were we talking about? Oh, yeah, Laura just proposed.

As you can see, Jim is panicking not sure what to answer, so the first thing he does is calling his two best friends. There are so many things going on here; I'll try to mention everything I care about!

"Starfleet is getting a lot better at partners of equal rank working together."

This is an important part of this comic: apparently, in this story Starfleet isn't encouraging relationships between officers with a different rank. I know it's sort of implied in canon too, but it's not always clear if it's actually against regulations or if it's fine when the ranks are close.

As a K/S shipper, this detail just gives me an in-universe reason why Jim and Spock aren't considering dating each other in this story: a commander can't probably have a relationship with a captain. I mean, we already know from canon TOS that Jim avoids relationships with the members of his crew, so this just adds a layer to a potential forbidden love story between them. Yeah, I know this isn't what this comic is trying to do, but what can I say? Fans don't stop shipping something just because they learn it's not allowed in-universe… if anything, they can find it more exciting! :D

"We could teach at the Academy. Mind you, she laughed at that idea."

Oh, wait. Jim actually talked to Laura about their possible future together! It looks like he's thinking about them as teachers at Starfleet Academy. Hmm… this sounds familiar:

2277 — Accepts appointment to Academy faculty, moves into San Francisco apartment

This is from Kirk's biography in Star Trek official website. Between The Motion Picture and The Wrath of Khan, Jim accepts a job at the Academy. We see it at the start of the second movie, after Saavik takes the Kobayashi Maru test.

Wait, who's the other teacher here? :D

Okay, okay, in that era Jim is an admiral and Spock is a captain, so their ranks are still different, but except for that… They both teach at the Academy. And it's literally what Jim proposed to his love interest Laura in the comic! With my Kirk/Spock goggles on, what I read in that panel is "If Laura and I got married, we could both do this thing that I'm totally going to do with Spock in the future." LOL

Did the comic creators notice the parallel? Probably not. However, we K/S shippers have special skills for finding accidental implications about our ship everywhere, so here it is :)

"Your thoughts, please, Mr. Spock."

I said I had a lot to say about that single panel, so of course I can't skip the last line! A human woman has just proposed to Jim, and what does Jim do? He asks for Spock's opinion. This says a lot about Jim and Spock's friendship, and it's very sweet on Jim's part, but it also makes me think about Jim's love life. What about Jim and Laura's romantic feelings for each other? Does Jim want to spend the rest of his life with her? Perhaps the reason they don't talk about it (not even with Bones!) is that it's implied that Jim loves her and she loves him, even if they never say it. However, I still think it's interesting that Jim's discussion on the matter is mostly "logical".

Anyway, I swear I won't post every single panel of this comic, but Spock's reply is an absolute gem you all must see:

"I AM SOMETHING OF AN EXPERT ON THE SUBJECT OF JAMES T. KIRK."

(dkjflsdjlkdjglk brb losing my mind again)

Ahem. Okay, Spock. Noted. Also, wow, nice make up. Did I say that the art in this comic is great? Good.

"I believe someone of equal status would offer you the best possible chance of happiness."

Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but I find interesting his use of "equal status" instead of the more specific "equal rank". Status makes me think less of their official position in Starfleet, and more of how two people actually see each other. It's not just about Laura and Jim being both captains; it's about them seeing each other as equals.

Anyway, Jim jokes about Bones and Spock finally agreeing about something, and the conversation continues.

Jim's best friends are both encouraging him to marry Laura. In this panel, I zoomed in on Bones because his words are especially interesting. Based on everything we've seen so far, it looks like having a romantic partner when you're in Starfleet is a pain in the ass in general in this comic; however, Bones is pointing out that for the first time, Jim has someone who really understands. Of course, that's because she's a Starfleet captain too.

About Spock, I won't share the entire conversation, but I just want to say that as a K/S shipper who likes to think Spock is secretly in love with Jim in this era, I find his dialogue where he's supporting Jim's relationship with Laura totally reasonable. It's important to remember that this comic takes place close to the end of the five-year mission. We know that Spock is going to run away after that, trying to erase all his emotions in Gol. So, in this specific part of his story, I find pretty in character that he'd tell Jim to find happiness with someone else. That's what he'd do, regardless of his own feelings.

So, Jim knows his two best friends think he should say "yes" to Laura. What happens next?

During a mission, Jim meets his ex Carol Marcus. She is surprised to find out that Jim is considering settling down. This is not completely related to this analysis, so I won't post it, but I found interesting that Carol knows about every single woman Jim dated before he became captain (the only one she doesn't name is Ruth), and she even says "And that woman in 1930, what was her name?" Just… how the hell does she know? LMAO

At least Jim hasn't told her about Miramanee and Rayna (well, technically he doesn't even remember the latter), but seriously, Carol does know a lot about Jim's private life, even if it's clear she doesn't want her or their son to be part of it. (Not really related to this plot, but in case you're confused about the timeline: David is a child in this era; however, he doesn't appear in this story.)

Anyway, this is what she eventually tells him:

So, I like to think that Carol is genuinely trying to help Jim here, because the spiteful ex girlfriend is another thing I don't really want to see in 2020. I want to think that the creators meant well; however, what happens in the story is that, despite Jim not seeing himself outside the captain's chair, and despite his best friends telling him to marry the captain that is just like him… Jim keeps thinking about Carol's words.

He knows from Starfleet that he's going to be promoted to admiral the moment he reaches Earth. What is interesting here is that Jim could refuse the promotion and be a captain with Laura. This is definitely a different situation from everything else I've seen before. It's obvious to anyone who has watched TOS movies that Jim is not happy as an admiral. He didn't really want to be one. He doesn't want to be one in this comic series either (you can see it explored in Star Trek: Year Five main story). However, thanks to The Motion Picture, we also know that he will accept promotion at the end of his five-year mission. This isn't a canon divergence story: the writers can't really change any major event, so they have to work with what canon offers.

What I find interesting is that in this 2020 comic, Jim finds himself in the opposite situation he is in Gene Roddenberry's The Motion Picture novelization from 1979. In Roddenberry's novel, it's mentioned briefly that Jim starts a relationship on Earth with a vice-admiral, a woman that was basically asked to use her charm to keep Jim grounded. Jim could refuse promotion, but he finds himself lost, without his ship, without Spock, and eventually without Bones. So he tries to convince himself that a life as an admiral with a perfect woman by his side will be good for him (it will not; Jim himself will realize a year later that his lover was an "Enterprise-surrogate").

Now, I understand trying to write something fresher and more modern in this Valentine's Day special, but I confess that I find a little hard to believe that Jim would accept a promotion as admiral if the alternative was keeping both a starship AND a wife. Also, let's not forget that Spock and Bones are both telling him to choose the married captain life. So, while I totally get from a writer's point of view that if you can't change canon, you have to work with what you have, I'm also not sure that Carol reminding Jim that he's always wanted to challenge himself is enough to make him doubt everything.

I guess I can sort of see that as part of a bigger problem: Jim knows he can't be a captain for life; during his first date with Laura, as we saw in Part 1 of my analysis, he talks about it.

"I've been thinking lately about whether I could ever stop being a Starfleet captain. Whether I could ever want to. A friend of mine talks about 'infinite diversity'. That applies to the Federation, too. But here I am, only built for one thing."

So, Jim knows he has probably avoided the subject for too long. Carol is forcing him to think about it. And, more implicitly, we could say Spock and his IDIC philosophy are also making him think, even if it's not what Spock would have expected. After all, Spock told Jim to marry Laura (in the comic), and he'll tell him that being a starship captain is his "first, best destiny" (in The Wrath of Khan).

Anyway, Jim eventually decides to meet Laura and talk to her about his personal concerns. First of all, we find out that the two of them haven't called each other for six weeks. Laura is still waiting for Jim's answer, and she didn't want to call him. If you ask me, their lack of communication is yet another a big clue that perhaps getting married is not a great idea.

Well, now Jim is at least trying to talk to her.

Aaand that's how she breaks up with him.

I'm not sure how to feel about this. I mean, in a sense, Jim doesn't say "I decided to be an admiral instead of marrying you", but Laura definitely sees it that way. I think he was genuinely looking for help, but that just proves that Laura isn't the right person for him. Why marrying someone you can't communicate with? They are such a great team as captains, but it looks like that doesn't apply to their relationship. I pointed out other clues in the previous parts, and now we got this. It's interesting to see that Jim in this comic can have a normal conversation about his future with Spock, Bones, and even Carol Marcus, but not with the person he's supposed to build a future with. Unless something changes between them, it can't work out.

Anyway, this isn't the end.

A year later, when Jim is an admiral on Earth, there's a sudden emergency. A miniature black hole appears out of the deep structure of the universe (don't blame me for the science, I'm literally quoting the comic LOL) and it's attracted to Earth gravity. Short story: they're all going to die, but fortunately the Drake (Laura's ship) can cause an anti-matter implosion that will shunt the black hole outside their reality. Unfortunately, that also means the Drake will have to go inside the black hole. Laura evacuates her crew and asks Admiral Kirk to give her the order to proceed. Reluctantly, Jim tells her that he knows she'll do it, and he gives the order.

Now, please appreciate The Motion Picture aesthetic:

Okay, I know I could have chosen a panel with Jim and Laura, since this is literally their love story, but I did say this analysis was going to be biased, so here is Laura with her two closest friends instead; they would never let her risk her life alone! <3 They are very obviously meant to be a parallel to what Spock and Bones are to Jim, which is very cute to see. Now, Laura, listen to me: I know the three of you have different ranks, but you may die in a few seconds… And I just think that the few times your friends appear in this comic, you have a lot of chemistry with them, sooo maybe you should forget about Jim and just smooch one of them, or both… just saying :)

Ahem. Anyway, after Laura and her girlfriends disappear into the void, there's another timeskip. This time it's 15 years.

Oh, damn.

I said in the premise of this analysis that one of the reasons I decided to read this comic despite shipping Kirk/Spock is that, in my headcanon, Kirk and Spock get together after The Motion Picture. Until this point, this comic hasn't really gone against my headcanon. I can genuinely believe that Jim had another girlfriend during his five-year mission; it's not a big deal. Unfortunately for me, this comic has its last part taking place around The Final Frontier era. Dammit.

Well, it's just one comic. I read until this point; it'd be illogical not to read until the end, right? Nah, it's not logic. It's human curiosity. I know I won't like it, but I still want to see it.

Also, if there's something that I really don't want to see in modern media anymore, is female characters dying just to make male characters suffer. I can accept that in TOS show because it was made in the 1960s, but even TOS movies got better about it! Characters like Saavik and Gillian can have their own lives without having to die for a man's pain. It's not a coincidence that the writers had to kill Spock to make Jim suffer. Without digressing too much, I just wanted to say that K/S bias aside, I went into this comic hoping to read something different from another dead woman for Jim. I'm very glad that, at least about this, the comic creators didn't disappoint me!

So, in this story, it's been 15 years since Laura's disappearance (actually, it should be more, but I'll try not to nitpick, despite being the trekkies' favorite hobby :D). Anyway, the one with the whales The Voyage Home happened, and Jim is not an admiral anymore. He's happy to have a starship again, but he hasn't stopped questioning his life decisions.

We can also see that, 15 years later, he's reading the book Laura liked.

HOLD IT! WAIT WAIT WAIT! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? WHAT THE--

*inhales deeply*

(Friendly reminder to myself that what is obvious to me may not be obvious to everyone else, so I need to explain. Fine. I'll try.)

The screenshots I posted are from The Wrath of Khan, right after Spock's funeral. What Jim is doing there is reading the end of the book that Spock gave him for his birthday. He's mourning Spock.

In the comic panel, Jim has a new pair of glasses, because it takes place a little later in the timeline. But, except for that…

It's the same scene.

The same fucking scene.

I mean, come on! I can't even post the "they're the same picture" meme, because it's not funny if they're literally the same picture! Even the bookmark is the same!

The comic creators literally took a canon scene about Jim reading Spock's book after Spock is gone, and they redrew it with Jim reading Laura's book after Laura is gone. In a Valentine's Day special. Where Laura is Jim's love interest. They made a romantic scene with Jim and a woman that was originally about Jim and Spock.

(Brb, I'm going to chew a pillow until I calm down.)

So. Well. If you wondered why I thought there was something about Kirk/Spock in this comic… you have your answer. Perhaps the artist didn't think anything about it. I certainly do.

And I guess someone could say, "But Jim is still reading Laura's book 15 years later! That's true love!" Why yes, he's not reading Spock's book 15 years later, because he didn't stay without Spock for 15 years; he risked everything and lost all the most important things in his life to save Spock's soul.

Anyway, back to the comic. Starfleet receives a signal from the edge of Federation space. It's the Drake. Laura and her friends are alive.

Jim and Laura have a reunion after a long separation. Since they're both captains now, Jim thinks they are given a second chance.

Oh, whoops.

It's her turn now. It looks like being away for 15 years has changed her (as you can expect, honestly), and she's now glad to become an admiral. In this comic, that means Jim can't marry her. So, this is how the story ends:

So. Um.

This isn't a bad ending, but I also wouldn't exactly call it a happy ending. It's certainly not a happily ever after story. I'd call it open, maybe hopeful? Honestly, pretty much what I'd expect from a love story between an original character and Jim, so I can't say the writing is disappointing about that.

On the other hand, I can't personally imagine middle-aged Jim being so eager to start a romance again with someone he hasn't seen in 15 years who broke up with him 16 years ago. Perhaps he felt guilty about Laura's disappearance because if he had married her, they would have been part of a colonization fleet somewhere else and the incident wouldn't have happened the same way? Maybe. Personally, I would have found more believable an ending where Jim asks her to have dinner together or go for a walk, and then something romantic happening as they get to know each other again. But I can see why the creators wanted to bring up the marriage proposal again, just to close the circle. The comic is just 32 pages, so they did what they could.

"Unless there's someone else." "Not so much. I've been really busy."

Busy with what? Oh, right: Spock's death, Spock's body on Genesis, Spock's rebirth on Vulcan, the time travel (okay, that one wasn't 100% Spock-related), Spock's brother… Honestly, just say there's been a lot of Spock in your life, Jim, because that's the truth :)

On a more serious note, I guess that dialogue could mean that Jim has someone, but "he's been too busy" to do anything serious with them. However, as a K/S monoshipper I don't really like the idea of Jim being in an open relationship with Spock, so Jim's character in the entire scene in the end is just a big NOPE for me. Sorry.

That said, I found very interesting that in a few panels they show very clearly the "captain" rank on Jim and Laura's shoulders, to point out that it's the same. They can't be together forever, but they can have fun for a few days as captains. Because of that, I went back to the start of the last timeskip, just to check out something:

Fascinating.

This is a pretty detailed panel, where you can see the ranks on the shoulders of Jim's friends; the colors of their pins are also pretty good, close to the ones in the movies… except for Spock's.

Oh, please. Did you really expect me not to pay attention to this? :)

Captain Kirk and Captain Spock.

And unlike Laura, this is what they are until the end! The end of a very long life! Generations? What's Generations? Spock will eventually become an ambassador, but that's just a different job. How did Spock himself put it earlier in this comic?

"I am something of an expert on the subject of James T. Kirk. And I believe someone of equal status would offer you the best possible chance of happiness."

Did the comic creators just play themselves? I don't know, I'm quoting their own story here! LOL

And what about Jim's words from the same scene? :D

"Starfleet is getting a lot better at partners of equal rank working together."

Partners. Of equal rank. Working together.

That's literally what Kirk and Spock are since the end of The Voyage Home! Without an expiration date!

The comic creators made a big deal in their universe about relationships being better between two captains, and how good Jim and Laura may have been for each other if they had married as captains; and now they can't have their happily ever after because Laura is going to be an admiral… But even if the comic tries to hide it, we know there is a captain in Jim's life. And to make things better, Jim lost his admiral rank to bring him back. Listen, I'm a huge Old Married Kirk/Spock fan, so there's no way anything can make me forget that in the last TOS movies they're both captains. And there's no way I can forget that Jim risked his entire career (and everything else!) for Spock, and that's literally why he's not an admiral anymore.

This is almost ironic in this Valentine's Day comic. If it hadn't been for Spock, Jim would have still been an admiral, and he could have married Laura. Whoops. Too bad.

Speaking of admirals, I didn't notice it at first, but there's also something about this line Laura says in the last panel I posted…

"And don't you dare 'Admiral' me."

Ah, yes, a typical thing you tell someone you're planning to have sex with. Right, Laura? Agreed :)

Honestly, at this point I should just stop checking this comic, because I wonder if I'd just end up finding a Kirk/Spock version of every Kirk/Laura Rhone line LOL

By the way, I have other thoughts to share now that the story is over, but there's one more thing first. Do you remember the last panels of the comic? Middle-aged Jim and Laura kiss; END.

Okay. After that, the comic has a picture of the cover, with Jim and Laura kissing when they're younger.

And then it has this:

dklsfjlskjflskjlksjlkdlkgjdlfgsnfjekniuwanf LISTEN, HOW--

Just how am I even supposed to say anything that makes sense about this…??? I'm just… I can't…

Okay. So. We're talking about a Valentine's Day comic. It makes sense for it to include a cute Valentine card. I also get that Spock's iconic line has become so mainstream that it can be quoted out of context. And you can make parodies.

But… But… A Star Trek TOS fan can't really forget the original context of "I have been and always shall be your friend"? Someone could just not think about it, I guess… But, well, I know that at least I can't forget that this is literally Spock's line to Jim rewritten in a romantic Valentine's Day version. I can't possibly NOT think about it!

And I know it's very possible that the people who worked on the comic story weren't even aware of this extra, but the fact that I'm seeing this after reading about Jim Kirk's romance without happily ever after… Jim kisses a woman he can't stay with forever, and then there's Spock's "I have been and always shall be your Valentine". It's just so fucking funny. I can't. If I was feeling a little down after seeing middle-aged Jim wanting to marry Laura, now I'm laughing again. Thanks, Spock's silly Valentine card. I needed it! :D

Anyway, what did I say about this comic taking things originally created for Kirk and Spock's relationship and making them romantic when they're not about them? I can believe that sometimes it's a coincidence, but this card? Please… In a sense, this is the perfect ending.

---

Conclusions.

I started this comic with a question: in 2020, how do you write a story about TOS Kirk falling in love? I wanted to see this attempt. Overall, I think the creators did what they could. Laura is different from every other woman in Jim's life; they didn't kill her off, and they also didn't force a happy ending. I think they did a good job with the canon limitations they had, especially in 32 pages.

Do I believe that Laura could have been a good match for Jim in different circumstances?

As a temporary girlfriend? Yes.

As a lifelong partner? No.

Of course, I'm aware my answer is biased, but I can try to be a little more "logical" about it.

First of all, I think that the comic itself supports my interpretation: of course, like in every story, different people are going to see different things; however, as I already pointed out, Jim and Laura never say that they love each other, and before the marriage proposal their relationship is pretty casual.

In The Original Series, Jim isn't lucky when it comes to romance because the women he falls in love with can't really understand his nature as a space explorer. Sometimes they can, like in Carol's case, and that's why they break up with him. Laura is the opposite, because she's just like Jim. But here is the thing: I think Laura is too much like him.

What would have happened if Jim had accepted to marry her at the end of the five-year mission? They would have been both captains. On different ships, though. Sure, they could have been part of the same colonization fleet, as Jim says in the comic, and maybe it would have worked for a while. However, would they really have seen each other as much as Jim needs?

I don't know about Laura, but we see multiple times in canon that behind his mask as a starship captain, Jim is definitely more lonely than what someone may think.

First of all, don't get me wrong: in these screenshots from The Naked Time, Jim is single, so of course his attraction to Janice Rand is related to that. It's not the same situation he'd be in if he were married to Laura. Early in the series, he has thoughts about his yeoman exactly because he doesn't have anyone else. Contrary to his fame as a womanizer, TOS Jim in canon always has one woman at a time in his mind, never more.

So, why am I sharing those lines? To show that when Jim is always inside the Enterprise, he does feel lonely. He needs a romantic partner's physical touch. However, we also know that Jim does not want a relationship with one of his subordinates, so Janice Rand and the rest of his crew are off limits.

Laura is good for him because she's part of Starfleet, and not a subordinate. But is that really enough? From what I've seen in the comic, no. At the end of the day, it looks to me that Jim and Laura don't really know how to plan a future together. Perhaps it's because they're so similar, but they don't really think of themselves as a couple, especially Laura. There's Captain James T. Kirk and Captain Laura Rhone; they both love their ships, so they should get married? That's not how it works.

Their relationship is casual. Jim doesn't want to define it. Are they friends with benefits? Are they in an open relationship? Either way, when Laura decides to marry him, she asks around if Jim has someone else, and only after that she asks him. Jim, on the other hand, doesn't talk to her for six weeks after her proposal. He talks to Spock and Bones immediately, but not to her. He even talks to Carol first.

Then, when Jim finally tries to talk to her about his problems, she doesn't listen. Their lack of communication is the cause of their break up.

16 years later, what we see is even worse. It's obvious that Laura has just different priorities. Maybe it's because of what happened to her lost in space, but I'm not sure. If they had married at the end of the five-year mission, would have Laura always refused a promotion to admiral? Would she have tried to get a promotion with Jim? Based on what we see in this comic, it doesn't look likely to me.

Now, as I said, different people are going to see different things, so I'm sure that someone really invested in this romance can imagine that Jim and Laura are really meant to be, and they can get their happy ending after their retirement, or in other ways. However, I admit that Jim and Laura's huge communication issues make hard to me to picture a long happy relationship between them. They should both try to get better, but in those 32 pages there was no hint towards that direction.

There's another thing that makes really hard to find any love interest for Jim as a plausible "happily ever after" option: the stakes. I know that it's just a single comic, so the creators had to focus on a few things; however, I couldn't help but notice that Jim and Laura never really save each other from dangerous situations. They work together as a team, and Jim watches Laura disappearing into the void, but does he do anything about it? Does he try to reach her inside her ship before she disappears into the black hole? Does he try to bring her back from the void? No, he doesn't.

In TOS show and movies, Jim Kirk risks so much for his crew and his ship that a Star Trek fan can't believe that a new woman is the love of his life, unless Jim is willing to do for her everything he does for his friends. And honestly, after The Search for Spock… how can he even come close to do that?

And it's not just about Jim's actions. There's his language too. At the start of the third movie, Jim refers to Spock as "the noblest part of myself". What could he say about a love interest that is as deep as this?

Let's be honest here: the reason it's so hard to write a story about Jim Kirk's true love is that the real love story for him has already been written. You may not see it romantically, but Kirk and Spock's story is absolutely a love story. And when a character has someone he loves so deeply, it's not easy to convince the audience that he could have someone new to love as deeply. In Jim's case, the combination of his personality and his canon life makes it almost impossible.

Anyway, before I end up not so accidentally turning this analysis into a complete Kirk/Spock ship manifesto, I'm just going to mention one silly thing about the Valentine's Day comic. Please, don't take it too seriously, I'm half-joking :)

So, there are two kiss scenes in the story: one when Jim and Laura start to spend a lot of free time together, and one in the last panel. Well, I can't believe Jim isn't holding Laura's shoulders when he kisses her! That's just the basis of the way Jim kisses women! D:

Different Star Trek characters kiss in different ways; it fits their personalities. And because the rest of my TOS posts are probably too gay for these gifs, I'm dropping them as references here:

Sorry, but if Jim Kirk doesn't grab someone's shoulders before a kiss, it just kills my immersion! :P

Okay, a little more seriously: Jim doesn't always kiss women the same way; however, his "shoulder grab" is common enough that you definitely notice it if you pay attention. Because of that, I think it would have been nice to include it in the Valentine's Day comic.

After reading this comic, what kind of person would I consider perfect for Jim?

Well, my answer is obvious. However, I'll try to elaborate.

First of all, this story definitely convinced me even more that Jim can only be really happy with another Starfleet officer (or at least someone who's been deeply involved with Starfleet). He also needs someone who understands him as a space explorer, without trying to keep him grounded. And someone very smart, of course. These are all traits Laura has. But they're just the basis.

I don't think Jim needs someone in command of their own ship as a lifelong partner. As I said before, I can't really imagine it working out. Another starship captain would have their own goals and their own ambitions; that doesn't mean Jim shouldn't marry someone with specific plans for their own career, but I think these plans should keep the two of them close, not on different ships. Jim needs his partner physically at his side; if he could be happy in a long-distance relationship, I believe we would have seen at least one working out in canon. But it's never the case. Working on different starships from the same fleet would be a little better, but in my opinion not enough, unless it's for a short period of time.

And there's also the matter of his partner's personality. Jim is a natural leader; that's why he's so good at his job. I don't think he needs a similar kind of leader as romantic partner. This is just my personal opinion, but I believe they would just fight about everything they disagree about. I think he needs someone calmer in his life, not someone who'd encourage emotional outbursts.

More importantly, he absolutely needs someone he can communicate with. If he can't talk to his partner about everything important, they're not the right person for him. That doesn't mean they can't have disagreements or miscommunication issues, of course, but they shouldn't happen all the time, and Jim and his partner should be able to talk about them and make up.

In conclusion: someone at his side on his ship, smart, calm, trustworthy :)

Now, I know what some of you are thinking about: what about the "no relationships with subordinates" personal rule Jim has? How can Jim be in a relationship with Spock (or anyone else on the Enterprise) if he's everyone's superior officer? Well, first of all, I already said that after The Voyage Home, Jim and Spock are both captains. And before that… I think that Spock in the comic phrased it the right way. Jim can find his happiness with someone of "equal status". I think it's pretty clear, in my opinion, that Janice Rand and Spock aren't the same kind of subordinates to Jim. Just think about it: which members of the Enterprise call their captain "Jim"? Bones, Spock and (occasionally) Scotty. These are the three people I believe are "equals" in private to Jim, no matter their ranks when they're on duty. Because of that, a relationship between Jim and Spock could work pretty well.

By the way, another thing the Valentine's Day comic made me think about is that in TOS movies, Jim sort of does with Spock pretty much everything he does with Laura in this story. Not the same way, of course, but does it matter? Spock is his own person, he's not Jim's copy. That doesn't mean he can't indulge Jim, have fun himself… and try to stop Jim from doing dangerous things "for fun", as an old spouse would :)

Okay, perhaps throwing each other into the water doesn't count as dancing, but it's so much better :D

In conclusion, this is the way I can read the Valentine's Day comic as a Kirk/Spock shipper:

Jim mentions Spock on his first date with a woman.

Jim questions his life choices as he thinks about Spock and IDIC philosophy.

Jim does with Laura everything we see him doing in TOS show, except for playing chess (just the thing he does with Spock).

Jim says Laura and him are a good team in Starfleet because they had a lot of sex (is that true about other people he works well with??)

There haven't been many ladies or gentlemen in Jim's life because he's busy (not because he's not into men, apparently).

"Starfleet is getting a lot better at partners of equal rank working together." Good for your future with Spock, Jim!

If Jim and Laura got married, they could both teach at Starfleet Academy, something Jim is totally going to do with Spock someday.

Mister "I am something of an expert on the subject of James T. Kirk" Spock.

Also, Mister "I believe someone of equal status would offer you the best possible chance of happiness" Spock, which is actual foreshadowing of his own future status with Jim.

Hey, look at Jim reading a book that reminds him of his lost love! I wonder where I've seen LITERALLY THE SAME PICTURE???

"Don't 'Admiral' me". This is totally not similar to what Jim tells Spock in The Voyage Home, of course.

Hey, we're both captains now! Just for a few days, but isn't that great? I wonder if anyone else is a captain now, and forever? :D

"I have been and always shall be your Valentine". Totally not a Kirk/Spock line, I don't know what you're talking about! :)

Okay, okay, that's all.

As a Kirk/Spock shipper, I won't deny that I'm a little jealous of this Valentine's Day special comic, because I wish we could get something with amazing art like this where Jim is in love with Spock. On the other hand, Star Trek: Year Five comic series has a few scenes about Jim & Spock's friendship that I really liked. Platonic, sure, but good enough for my K/S goggles!

Thank you so much for reading this post until the end! I hope you enjoyed my analysis! Live long and prosper!

#star trek analysis #star trek: year five #star trek: year five valentine's day special #star trek comics #james t. kirk #laura rhone #spirk #star trek tos #star trek the original series #k/s #kirk x spock #space husbands #my gifs

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18catsreading · 5 months

Text

Ayda: we have to go to hell to rescue Fig

Adaine: no, no, no, she's fine

Ayda: yes we do

Adaine: she's from hell

Ayda: yes we do. She's not from hell, she's from Spyre

Adaine: I mean, are you sure?

Ayda: am I sure --?

Adaine: that you have to go? What information do you have?

Ayda: well we should just do whatever we can to make it happen as fast as possible because I'm going to get another kiss, whatever happens.

Adaine: what?

Ayda: what?

*bad kids losing it*

Adaine: what?!

Ayda: is it normal for friends to know if their friends have kissed people that they also know

Adaine: yes, tell me everything about it!!

Ayda: great. We went away for a hour from the party.

Adaine: an hour? You were kissing for an hour?

Ayda: you're elongating your sentences and pitching up so high that it makes me feel like I'm not supposed --

Adaine: I support this. I am happy about it. I am amazed. Oooh, she's secretive.

Ayda: it's good that you know this right?

Adaine: yes it's very good that I know this

Ayda: wonderful. Her lips are the softest things I've ever felt

Adaine: mm-mm. Mm-mm.

Ayda: that's not good?

Adaine: well no, I'm glad that you, I don't need to know the details about my friends kissing

Ayda: what's critical information?

Adaine: you're right, I did say, I did tell you to tell me everything and then you did, and I actually didn't need to know everything. Um. Wow.

Ayda: if you kiss someone -- I have some questions for you as oracle.

Adaine: yes, okay

Ayda: in how many potential futures does fig not want to kiss me and be around me anymore. And can those futures be avoided?

Adaine: unfortunately that's not really how being the Oracle works [longer explanation here] ...

Ayda: Terrible. If someone kisses you does that mean de facto that they are attracted to you, or is there a possibility that someone would kiss you for some other reason?

Adaine: I think -- from a purely academic standpoint --

Ayda: perfect. I am an academic

Adaine: fantastic. I would say that on a macro level there are probably people who would kiss you without caring about you, but I don't think that Fig would do that, because Fig cares about everybody.

Ayda: are you saying this as Oracle or because you have knowledge of Fig that would lead you to this conclusion?

Adaine: yes.

Ayda: both, excellent. If we kissed a bunch of times over the course or an hour. Does that mean we are girlfriends or wives? And what --

Adaine: I mean, I'm gonna say no on wives

Ayda: good. There's a ceremony, that's formal.

Adaine: yes.

Ayda: much easier. A better system

Adaine: girlfriends I would say -- lots of times over the course of an hour I would say potentially but I think it's reasonable to ask tj clarify.

Ayda: mhmm. Okay, and if I were to ask Fig to clarify if we were girlfriends or dating each other, will that make me on a social level look sad, weird, or not normal?

Adaine: I don't think that you should worry about -- the first answer is no. But also, if you like a person and they like you and the relationship is good, it shouldn't matter how other people feel about it. I think.

Ayda: the variables involved in the equation you've posited are so fuzzy as to be maddening

Adaine: I don't think that you're sad or weird. And I think that you're dating

Ayda: thank you

#brennan lee mulligan #dimension 20 #fantasy high: sophmore year #ep 13 hellbound #siobhan thompson #lou wilson #ally beardsley #zac oyama #emily axford #brian murphy #if i don't smell figs hair again i will incinerate #i love Ayda Aguefort so much #i resonate with her #i wanted to put their whole conversation out but its a wall of text #but they are best friends

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quizmasterfred · 3 months

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13 in 'The God Complex'

I saw a Reddit post a while ago asking 'what episode would you like to see a different Doctor tackle', and now it's been ages but i had some thoughts, and can't stop thinking about it, and just desperately need to write them down somewhere so here if you're seeing this: sorry, you've got to deal with my ramblings now.

This could replace ‘Legend of the Sea Devils’ wholesale. It was most people's least favourite centenary special, so hopefully we’re not losing much. OR, if you want to wrangle 4 specials in that year, it comes between ‘Eve of the Daleks’ and LotSD, which I’ll elaborate on later.

Arrival:

13 genuinely intends to follow through with “that moment on the beach where you tell me everything”, directly says as much at the end of EotD. Instead of fobbing it off with “whatever happened to the lost treasure of the Flor de la Mar”, they ARE going to San Munrohvar, which Yaz is ecstatic about.

In the OG God Complex (quick reminder: 11/Amy/Rory originally), it’s Amy’s faith in the Doctor which brings them there, and it’s the same now. Except it’s not just the generic faith of a particularly attached companion, it’s the exact specific moment of Yaz knowing she’s about to get that conversation.

Her faith is both restored, and about to be rewarded. After years of asking, and wondering, and being fobbed off, finally the Doctor is opening up. And right after Yaz’s coming out to Dan? Wow - what if!

They aren’t there because Yaz “has faith in the Doctor”, they’re there now because in the exact moment the TARDIS launched, that faith was higher and more intense that it has ever been.

Dan:

Common complaint is that Dan’s a bit of a blank slate – Diane, Liverpool, nice bloke. Fun moments, but not enough time to really develop as a character. I’m not going to make a spectacular reveal here and give him an amazing arc, but at the very least we have a chance to make that blank-slatedness really work. He takes on Rory’s role in the story:

13’s Room:

We never see 11’s room, only hear the TARDIS’ cloister bell as he looks in. The implication, of course, is that he’s afraid of dying – permanently. Trenzalore, no more regenerations. Very nice and subtle for 11’s arc/personality – the old man disguising himself as a 20-something.

13 has a very different problem: she’s the Timeless Child, she’s been alive for potentially a billion years before her memories begin, and she’s still regenerating. 11 is afraid of regenerations running out; 13 is afraid they’ll never run out.

It’s harder to convey my idea here with just a noise, not showing the inside of the room itself, so I will describe what I imagine the room to look like, but if there’s a way to do this without showing the viewer, that’d obviously be great.

Her room is a field of graves: “Susan Foreman”, “Sarah-Jane Smith”, “Alastair Lethbridge-Stewart”, “Donna Noble”, “Amy + Rory Williams” (an exact copy of the grave from ‘The Angels take Manhattan’), “Clara Oswald”, River('s Screwdriver/Neural Relay sitting on a Library server?), “Bill Potts”, “Yasmin Khan”, even one written in Gallifreyan (could be inferred to be the Master, but not directly stated). Only a brief look, but enough for someone to pause it and read a bunch of companions’ names.

Many are faded, symbolising a fear that one day she’ll be so old with so many lost loved ones, there simply won’t be room for all of them, and she’ll starting to forget their names and faces. Thousands more we can’t read, the people she’s yet to meet across all her future lives, and they will age and die all the same. In the centre, she’s still there. Alive, young, never dying. Maybe it’s not even Jodie standing there – maybe it’s Ncuti Gatwa, or some completely other actor: ‘generic future self’.

This is the moment of tragedy for her. After her own chat with Dan, the fireworks, seeing Sarah + Nick happy, she had decided to give it a try with Yaz. But seeing this room is what changes that. This is the moment she says to herself:

In OG, this happens immediately after 11 effectively invites Rita to join the crew, but maybe we can swap these around. So 13 sees this, completely psyches herself out of pursuing a relationship with Yaz, knows in her heart that her biggest fear is losing more and more and more people, but seeing Rita being a little bit brilliant again makes 13 invite her along anyway. She can’t help it – a clever little human working their way in, no matter what. Bittersweet.

Speaking of:

Rita:

Another young Muslim woman who’s a little bit brilliant and a little bit too brave? In all of time and space, it’s a bit weird for a bottle episode to have someone who, on the face of it, is basically a carbon copy of our main companion, right? We’ll see.

13 gets along with Rita just as 11 did. Maybe Dan is the butt of the ‘with regret, you’re fired’ joke. Maybe in a moment alone, Dan can crack a line to Rita that ‘she’s got a thing for clever Muslim gals’. But of course, most importantly, Rita and Yaz have a bit of bonding over their shared faith. Rita mentions ‘Jahannam’ in the OG, and we can use that to get some insight to Yaz’s faith. We know she’s practicing-enough to visit a Mosque (mentioned in Rosa), but really we get very little exploration of what Islam truly means to her throughout Chibnall’s run. Give Yaz something personal that isn’t tied to the Doctor, y’know.

Then, the phone call when Rita is about to die. Like 11, 13 tries to talk her into coming back: maybe she can save her, she really wants to save her. She can’t convince Rita, but Yaz takes the phone off of her. Two young women of the same religion have a heart-to-heart about faith and rapture and Jahannam. They both start off thinking Yaz was brought here for the same reason Rita was (and the viewer does too) – stealing their religion from them.

BUT, Rita gradually realises that isn’t true for Yaz. She realises that Yaz’s faith in the Doctor is stronger: “if you come back, the Doctor can save [you/us]”. That brief, shining moment of beauty that Yaz felt when the Doctor confirmed she would follow through on ‘tell[ing] you everything’ was so powerful, it eclipsed her religious faith. Not forever, she hasn’t become an atheist, but the novelty, the cocktail of love, and rewarded patience, and anticipation, and trust – for a tiny moment, it out-shone her other faith, and that’s why the TARDIS was pulled in by the eponymous God Complex.

Maybe Rita says it explicitly, or maybe she doesn’t. Either way, Yaz also realises what Rita has seen, but the Doctor isn’t privy to Rita’s side of the conversation (because… phone). They hang up, turn off the cameras, and Rita dies. If Yaz hadn’t let the Doctor take over her life and heart, could she have saved Rita? Did someone die because she failed as a Muslim? (Obviously the answer is no – that’s not how faith/religion works, and Rita was dead anyway because that is how the minotaur works, but the point is Yaz has a total crisis here)

As with the OG, the very next scene is the Doctor’s ‘I figured it out’ moment.

Yaz is hit with a whole fresh wave of guilt. The whole reason they’re here, the thing that killed Rita – and the Doctor agrees with that assessment (the Doctor couldn’t hear Rita, so this obviously isn’t actually the Doctor saying ‘you’re right, you got her killed’ – the Doctor would never think or say something like that – but that’s what it feels like to Yaz).

Yaz’s Room:

Now this is what’s really beautiful about the change from 11 to 13. Amy and Yaz’s rooms are the same thing. Amy’s is a little girl waiting by a window for her Raggedy Man to come back; abandoned. Yaz’s is a young woman in a basic white TARDIS console room, surrounded by sticky notes and sheets of paper, after hundreds of failed attempts to make it fly, waiting for the Doctor to come back from Gallifrey; abandoned.

[Quick side-note: the moment between Amy and Gibbis where she says ‘I thought that room was for me’ about the Weeping Angels still works for Yaz. In her only meeting with the Angels, what was the result? They took the Doctor away from her for 3 years]

11’s speech to Amy, tearing down the image of him in her head – saving her life by pretending he can’t – absolutely stunning. But 13 has even more to work with here: Amy/Rory, Clara (died because she became too much like the Doctor – hello Yaz), River. The added tragedy of breaking not just a friend, but someone who is actively in love with her and who she shares those feelings for, and the only way to save Yaz’s life is to shatter those feelings.

AND: Bill. "Remember that man who tried to kill you, Graham, and Ryan in a plane crash the instant he met you? The man who tried to kill us all on Gallifrey, and is ultimately the reason I left you, vanishing for 10 months? The man you’re most afraid of, of every villain we’ve met together? I TRIED TO HELP HIM. I put his redemption above Bill and Nardole’s safety because ‘[he’s] the only one person that I’ve ever met who’s even remotely like me’ (direct quote, btw(!) – ‘World Enough and Time’), and it got her mercilessly killed and converted. That’s the sort of person I am, and now I’m about to get you killed too."

Falling Action:

Because Yaz is a little bit brilliant, and coming into her own as “becoming like the Doctor”, like Clara did, she later works out that the speech in her room was ‘the plan all along^TM’ to get rid of the minotaur, and starts to patch herself up by telling herself that the Doctor didn’t really mean not to trust her. So Yaz presses, once again, asking for the Doctor to tell her something about herself.

The Doctor, of course, actually was being genuine, because her own room – the field of graves – scared her that much. 11 rebuffs Amy’s question, continuing with his exposition about the prison. 13 does the same to Yaz. The episode started with Yaz being elated that the Doctor would finally open up, and ends with 13 reverting back to closed-off, and refusing to answer a personal question. Because 13 saw what was in her room, and decided, against everything they both wanted 45 minutes ago, that she can’t fix herself. So back in the box it goes.

Then:

From 11’s perspective, this could be perceived as bittersweet. He’s still afraid of death, but at least there’s someone here and now commiserating with him. Maybe it would be a gift, and maybe he can accept it in time, and go to Trenzalore in peace. But for 13, it’s just bitter. 'Yes, it would be a gift – if only I could ever have it. But at least I can grant it to you.'

We can either do the beach scene now, ‘can’t fix myself’…

(and then in my ideal world, alter Power of the Doctor to give us a slightly happier end / opening up / explaining 13's hotel room / Thasmin kiss, because god knows us gays need someone to throw us a bone – but that’s not important right now, not relevant to 13!GodComplex)

Or this is where the Doctor goes ‘let’s fuck about looking for the Flor de la Mar’, cue LotSD. Again we see the contrast between her genuine intent to be honest with Yaz 45 minutes ago vs fobbing it off now. Yaz’s heart is broken for real, just after she managed to convince herself that the Doctor’s speech in the hotel room was all a trick.

I can't stop thinking about it, because Doctor Who has consumed my every waking moment for the last 2 months...

#13th doctor #yasmin khan #thasmin #11th doctor #amy pond #the god complex #eve of the daleks #legend of the sea devils #power of the doctor #doctor who

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zeglythofficial · 4 months

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hey girl! do you have any fav moments between T and R that would be considered like, underrated or not talked about as much as others?

Hey :)

Great question! I had to think for a while because there so many moments that I love to rewatch because they’re just so cute or adorable. I don’t know if these moments are “underrated” though because fans have pointed out every interaction between them haha.

I’ll start with my fav moments between them!

1. The Hits Radio interview where they tested their knowledge on the HG. Everyone was great in this video, including J and H, but R and T were on a whole other level. The chemistry sparkled here and the potential between them is incredible. It’s what made me ship them actually and I raised my eyebrow.

T is a huge fan of her in red lipstick, his eyes were glued to her mouth the entire time ;)

1:50 - 1:58 - the teasing, finishing each other’s thoughts, their body language - wow.

My ultimate fav moment between them in any interview will forever be 3:09 - 3:18 - he was mesmerized by her and her smile/giggle was so beautiful and the way he grinned back because his teasing worked was so special to see. I got butterflies from watching them. Can only imagine witnessing that in person.

3:56 - she looked at him like every gf does when bf says something stupid and T immediately corrected himself haha love it

The body language in this video is excellent. Very close, intimate and the eye contact was scorching. They play off each other so well and you can tell they’ve been around each other a lot because of how in sync their words and ideas are.

Example at 7:58, they shared one look and both said “Peeta!” with such playfulness. T is always caught off guard in moments like that so he looks away slightly and giggles to himself while looking at her mouth because he’s in disbelief that they’re so similar ;) He continues to be playful at 8:19 and her knowledge was so impressive, he sighed in awe! One of his love languages is knowledge I think so he was pleased with how great she was here.

2. As I mentioned above, T is always caught off guard when they have in sync moments sometimes. For example in their KISS interview, at 0:30 - 0:35, he paused because of how in sync they were and looked a little shocked lol

What I find interesting is 3:22 where R is caught off guard by the interviewer asking how their kiss was, she stuttered and T grinned and asked her how it was also. Then she explains that it’s professional work, he kept his face neutral/blank and I think it’s because he genuinely was curious to hear her talk about their kiss. But of course she brought up J to avoid answering.

He stared at her a LOT through this interview. It’s fascinating because he seemed to be listening intently and equally lost in thought. From 5:55 - 6:36 he just stared at her, listening and his eyes were glued to her movements and he said “you are very good” so sincerely. He was so impressed by her empathy.

Side note: I love how throughout the entire promo tour, T was trying to get R to go to karaoke with him haha (5:30) he mentioned it in many interviews.

3. In the BBC Radio 1 interview, 1:27 - 1:32 - they are temporarily lost in their own world and T snapped out of it and brought their focus back to the interviewer lol

They do it again at 3:25 - 3:40 where he pulls her into a hug because she’s so sincere and supportive. Again at 3:57 - 4:02 they just tease each other as the interviewer tries to ask another question ;) Again at 7:57 - 8:08 where T teases R about her sister. Again at 10:44 - 11:02. Again at 11:29 - 12:00 - he loves teases her and making her smile. They easily fall into their own bubble.

Just general observations:

1. I love how they both wear ring jewelry. It’s cute and silly but I always notice it.

2. Casually touches just because! Usually people touch for a purpose like reassurance, comfort, etc - they just touch because they can. It signals that they have a closeness to them.

3. The feet and the eyes are the easiest way to determine what a relationship is like. R and T already have great eye contact but unfortunately we don’t have many interviews with their feet except in this one. It’s very brief but we see it. Subconsciously, your feet point towards the most you feel most connected to in the room.

H and J both have common body language, very casual and normal, their bodies facing the crowd and not each other. Open to conversation and engaging with everyone in the room, not focused on anyone in particular. Francis and Nina are the same.

R and T are the total opposite. Their legs are crossed and their feet are pointed towards each other, almost creating a heart/intertwined shape. Almost like footsie in a way which is how people flirt and be sneaky about it. Shoulders almost touching, especially from R. R has the space to move closer to H but she chooses to angle herself towards T.

4. T gets flustered when R compliments him. He always does a head scratch (nervous!) afterward, avoids eye contact and she looks embarrassed that she went on a long rant about how she adores him. But you can tell he appreciates it :)

There’s so many more moments I like but I’ll stop for now ;)

#my answers #zeglyth

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nyxlyn1 · 11 months

Text

Forbidden From One | Miles Morales

Summary: You’ve been wanting to be friends with Miles but Miguel has always stopped you so you go behind his back and talk to him

Ever since Miles Morales had been brought to the HQ, you’ve picked up a vibe from him that made you feel safe. Like if he was someone who was carrying of others, someone with great potential. You’ve tried to make your way over to talk to him but Miguel O’hara (Your Dad) always stops you from doing so.

“Why can’t I talk to him Pa!?” I argued with him as I walked into his office “Because i’ve told you many times i don’t want you getting into any trouble with that Morales kid” He was tired of you asking to go talk to him. “It’ll only be for a few minutes and i’ll take you with me!” I say A heavy sigh left his mouth “I said no.” I only rolled my eyes at him. Miguel glared me down, “Don’t you roll your eyes at me young lady” I only walked out of his office leaving him alone in his thoughts . What was so bad about him that your dad was doing everything in his right to stop you from seeing him.

I walked into the cafeteria and picked up an empanada for yourself and ate alone in the corner. I was too lost in thought that I didn’t notice a little spider of sunshine crawling all over me, it was Mayday and she only gave me her usual toothy grin. I gave her a soft smile back but then my face turned back to a frown, it’s like she knew something was bothering me. She placed both her small hands on my cheeks attempting to make me smile. “Mayday where are y- There you are!” Peter came up and picked up Mayday from my lap. “Thank you so much Y/n for keeping Mayday from crawling away” He placed mayday back in his baby carrier that was on his chest.

I only nodded to his response, he was about to take his leave when he also noticed something was wrong with you. He pulled up a chair next to you, you both stayed silent together for a few moments before he spoke “Everything alright?” I only shrugged my shoulders in response “Do you want to talk about it? I obviously won’t tell the big guy” He chuckled, a smile crept onto my face.

“It’s about Miles Morales I want to be his friend like how he is with Gwen! but my dad always forbids me from interacting with him at all.” I say taking a small bite from the empanada. “Maybe he thinks you’ll fall in love with him and that meaning is that your growing up, you aren’t his little girl anymore” He replied adjusting maydays beanie hat.

He did have a point, he never said it to your face but you knew he didn’t like that you were getting older, he loved it when you were just his little girl. La princesa. Layla had told you before that when Miguel had nothing to do in his office he looks at old baby photos and videos of you. He almost can’t believe your older now and have many responsibilities. “Your right Peter it could be that…but i feel like there’s something else too that even YOU are hiding from me” You pointed your finer at him, you knew how to break people especially Peter.

“I-I don’t have a-anything to hide *cought* m-maybe?” He mumbled but enough for your enchanted hearing could pick up. Mayday only facepalmed her forehead thinking “Great job dad totally not suspicious” with sarcasm. You glared deep into his eyes. Peter was sweating bullets, “M-maybe a fight on the train?” He mumbled but thanks to your great hearing you heard it. “What. Fight.” Coldness ran throughout my words, Peter held up his hands in surrender and mayday mimicked his arms. He then told you everything about that day, the fight. Everything. That day you were out on a mission half across the universe and you are surprised that ABSOLUTELY NO ONE THE NEXT DAY would be talking about it. Gossip gets around fast here at the HQ.

“Wow” is all that came out of my mouth, that’s why he’s preventing me that and the i’m growing up type deal. I took a moment to think about it all and came to a conclusion, “I’m going to see Miles.” I grabbed his arm, he looked at you “Are you sure Y/n you know how angry..no Furious your dad will be” You thought about how bad the consequences will be if your caught but you didn’t care “All I want is to be friends with miles is that so hard so, Please can you distract my dad for as long as you can” I begged him, I pulled out my best puppy eyes that I could muster up from my dads Stotic DNA.

He sat there in silence for awhile “Alright alright, anything for you kiddo” he ruffled your hair “Thank you so much Peter i’ll pay you back another time!” I got up from my seat placing a small kiss in maydays forehead. Peter yelled “Miles should be ontop of the HQ viewing the sunset right about now, go get him” Peter smiled and left with mayday. Now is my chance to go and meet him and maybe be his friend!

I wasted no time, I took the elevator up to the top and I opened the door. The bright sun glazing it’s colors over the city of Nueva York. I locked the door behind me just incase Peter couldn’t keep my dad busy enough. Miles turned his head towards you confused on who you are, you took a seat right next to him. It was awkward..too awkward. “I’m Miles Morales” He introduced himself, he held out his hand to you. “I’m Y/n…O’hara” You shook his hand, he looked at you in shock, hey took his hand back “Your Miguel’s daughter!?” He shouted, you chuckled.

“Yes he’s my dad, b-but don’t worry i’m not much like him I don’t bite” I joked “He bites!?” he yelled back in shock which only made me laugh more. “Come closer” He got close to your face and you showed him your fangs, you could see his face stare in awe. “We both realase paralysis venom to our enemies but we can also bite without the venom,” “Wow that’s cool” he says.

You both stayed quiet for a bit befor you spoke again “Who’s your favorite artist?” “As in music wise or like art wise?” you only chuckled, god he was adorable “Music wise” you replied, “Mmm i’d say maybe Kendrick Lamar? and you?” You though for a moment “Lana Del Rey, she’s got some good albums” he nodded in agreement.

You both we’re getting comfortable with each other and started up just random conversations, you both laughed and smiled together. it was the first time in awhile and It felt nice to have someone with similar interest of you.

It was quiet again, and awkward. The sun was almost about to set completely and the city lights were on, you should be heading back soon you don’t know how long you’ve been up here. “Miles can I tell you something?” You bring your knees to your chest. “Sure, anything you tell me i’ll keep with me” He held out his fist, I bumped it back.

“I’ve been wanting to talk to you for awhile now, ever since you came here I knew that I wanted to be friends with you. But my dad always stopped me from doing so, I didn’t understand why till Peter told me today. But I didn’t let that stop me from wants to talk to you and see you.” You say meeting his soft brown eyes. You don’t why you felt embarrassed to admit this all to him, but your face was red.

Miles took out a notebook and handed it to you with a page open, it was of you. He had gotten every single detail of your body, face and suit correct. A blush crept onto your face, It was a beautiful drawing. He took the notebook back rubbing his neck. “I felt the same way, I wanted to talk to you but everyime I saw you Miguel would be escorting you away” He says looking at you. “I’m glad you’re here with me and I can ask you if you’d like to be officially friends and here’s my phone nu-”

The door that led to the roof bursted open, the handle broke and rolled away. Me and Miles stood up ready for combat but then there stood Miguel standing tall…and furious. He looked at you then at Miles, behind him was peter out of breath. “Sorry Y/n” He mouthed to you. Miguel made your way twords both of you, both of you stood next to each other. “Que te dije” (What did i tell you)

“Para no hablar con el” (To not talk to him). He rubbed his temples in frustration “I tell you one thing Y/n it was that simple! Then you go behind my back and do the complete opposite. I’m disappointed in you.” He said in a cold tone, he then focused his attention on Miles. His glare went icy cold than ever before, he walked over to him his figure towered over his frame “What the hell did you do with my daughter?”

“N-nothing! All we did was have a small chat that’s it” He says placing his hands up in surrender. “Nothing my ass.” Miguel then picks his off the ground, his grip was tight around him, peter placed a hard grip on his shoulder signalling him to let him go but Miguel didn’t budge“If I see you anywhere near my daughter again i’ll have no choice but to-” His grip on Miles suddenly let loose making him fall to the ground, Miguel turned to you and you had shot him with your own web.

“Uh oh” was all Peter said watching this all go down, He covered Maydays eyes. Miguel tapped his watch and now glared at you, you glared back at him “You won’t indimidate me dad” Anger filled your voice “Oh i know that.. He gave a sly smirk, “Your grounded until further notice and your webbing abilities have been restricted” You looked at him in shock and it was true you tried and tried again but nothing came out. He turned away walking towards the door

“Y/n. Time to go home now.” Was all he said as he took your arm pulling you away from miles, “I’m sorry miles” was all that I mouthed to him. Miguel then turned to miles again“If I see you with my daughter again Morales, I won’t be so easy like today.” Venom ran through his words as he dragged me down to the elevator.

Miles stood up dusting himself off still in shock of what happened. Peter patted him on the back “Don’t worry Kid she’ll be just fine, she risked all of this just so she could talk to you” Miles opened his notebook to the drawing of you. He thought long and hard to himself…

“I’m going to see her again”

Sorry this was a tad bit rushed!! Pt 2?

#x reader #spiderman #across the spiderverse #beyond the spiderverse #miles morales #story #love #spidersona

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m4ndysk4nkovich · 7 months

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I know you talked about Sandy and Debbie before; but I avoided it because I didn't want to be spoiled too much; but I finally got to that and!! I don't really like Sandy?? I have abandonment issues too so I totally get Debbie and am on her side so maybe I'm biased but like Sandy's lack of communication really frustrated me + then her response to Debbie's emotions and insecurities being "you're a psycho" also frustrated me and overall I feel like Debbie deserves someone better than Sandy; fuck what Frank said

but I know you like Sandy and Debbie together so do you mind explaining why? maybe im missing something; and if youve talked about this before, you can just link me to that!

wow i love this ask so much

so i like them together, but once 11x05-11x08 hit i don’t really. i’m surprised i havent talked about this more, and if anyone wants me to i will, but sebbie and gallavich have so many parallels so i think that a part of why i liked them was because they’re very similar to gallavich.

^ and much like gallavich, they SERIOUSLY struggle with miscommunication. this is what ruins them, and this is what nearly ruined gallavich. one thing about them is that the way they were raised fucks with a lot of it. i think this applies to every single relationship every gallagher has been in (especially gallagher x milkovich ships, like gallavich and whatever lip x mandy was called) struggles with miscommunication because the way milkoviches are vs how gallagher’s are is very different. debbie was raised by frank, monica, and fiona. her perspective on what love was was seriously warped because she saw frank and monica’s love which was… well, you know, and then fiona and her many boyfriends who treated her like shit. on top of this, she has serious abandonment issues and is still yet to learn how to cope with them. in sandy’s case, we don’t know much about her childhood other than the fact that she was basically raised as mickey’s sister and got into a serious relationship with an adult at fifteen, so i don’t think it’s too absurd to assume that she didn’t have a great childhood.

sandy is more comfortable with leaving and has a hard time expressing her emotions. debbie doesn’t want anyone to leave her, ever, and can express her emotions but probably not in the most “healthy” way.

i think that i’m biased too because i also have abandonment issues so i get it. but idk.

they had potential, for sure, i think that the mere possibility that debbie could have a girlfriend who validated her emotions and stayed with her was great but unfortunately, it didn’t work out. that devestates me because i’ve talked about this many times, but i’ll say it again, debbie’s trapped in this endless cycle of attaching herself then being left, over and over again. it is literally her entire storyline.

i think that debbie’s feelings about not knowing a lot about sandy’s life were valid, i don’t know if i’d fully defend tracking her but hey, gallagher’s have done much worse- i don’t really blame her for wanting to know if her girlfriend was cheating on her or living a double life or what (*cough* jimmy-steve *cough*). but also, if i were sandy, i would be pretty pissed about that! regardless, why didn’t she tell debbie (her girlfriend of like, nine months at that point) where she worked or where she lived? i get that she was embarrassed but that’s your girlfriend, man. invalidating her feelings on that and calling her a pyscho wasn’t cool, but again, i’m biased and if i were her i wouldn’t be very happy. we have to remember the severity of debbie’s abandonment/attachment issues and how she thinks that’s okay and normal. she reached this point of feeling dependent on sandy and it makes sense that she freaked out the way she did.

but god, i hated 11x07. i mean, i loved it, but i hated it. i think it was a really realistic depiction of abandonment issues, and it was amazing for it’s awknolegment of debbie’s trauma (i wish we got more of that and i wish that people fucking listened to that part). overall, that was a very debbie-centric episode so i loved that, but god, the fight they had.

i have more to say but idk how to say it here, but i really liked sebbie in the sense that i thought they had potential, more potential than anyone else debbie had been with, but their ending was bullshit and i really don’t like the things that went down.

#shameless #debbie gallagher #sandy milkovich #sorry i meant to respond earlier then i forgot and i rushed this lol #shameless meta #shameless opinion #sebbie #debbie x sandy #season 11 #11x07 #shameless us #gallavich #lip x mandy

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iwanthermidnightz · 11 months

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After watching +20 shows (via livestream of course) i can finally gather my thoughts around it:

-Damn the people that made other people believe that Lover was a bad album for just one or two songs. Lover is the perfect opener and its really sad we didn't get Loverfest, the way Cruel Summer gets the crowd all hyped up within minutes wow just imagine 2hrs of just that

-Since the release i'd always favored folklore over evermore but i was so so so wrong! Evermore (in my opinion) is the strongest set of the tour, it really elevates and completes the album. The songs order is perfectly curated, the performances are distinctive but cohesive, and the public interaction during CP takes the cake. (and y'all may hate me but folklore set feels all over the place in comparison)

- The whiplash from the transition to Rep is necessary bc Rep is just in a league of its own. Reputation is THAT bitch and will always be THAT bitch, period. The crowd goes the loudest and the whole thing is just iconic.

- 1989, you will always be the be the perfect pop tracks, nothing more to say.

- At this point Midnights feels kinda rushed but for me the tour version sounds waaaay better than the studio version (at least for my ears). I think she should do a tour only for Midnights (idk when, she needs to rest too lol) but this set and performances have great potential, it just needs to be exploted. Also Karma is the perfect song to close the whole thing.

Sorry i think this thing got way too long 😅What are your thoughts? (if you already wrote them down could you link me to them so you don't have to repeat yourself)

My thoughts? I mean the show is incredible. It makes sense in the long run because timing is everything. It’s strategically timed. There’s something for everyone. The visuals are a huge part of it.

MAATHP into Cruel Summer was the perfect opener. Somehow I'm craving more Lover. Her entrance is goddess-like.

I thought it was funny how one minute people are crying at the end of evermore and then the snake comes on stage and everyone has to wipe their tears like brave little soldiers to get …ready for it 😂 I bet that was strategic.

For the evermore section I feel like tolerate it should be replaced with ivy (ivy truther forever). Not a tolerate it hater, it makes for good theatrics, I just like ivy better.

You can tell in pictures how sparkly and magical the folklorian woods look, it makes sense. I personally love the visuals of the cardigan music video so that would’ve been cool to incorporate. mad woman would be fun to add to folklore too. I see evermore as a continuation of folklore so its hard for me to separate the two.

1989 is flawless.

What I enjoy the most is seeing her with her guitar for the surprise songs. She plays so beautifully. I wish that part was longer. So many of her songs come to life for me when its just her and her guitar. Theres only lover, fearless, all too well and betty that she plays guitar on. But I get that she has so much ground to cover.

For midnights we basically get clouds, closet visuals, vs stage for mastermind, burlesque energy for vigilante shit and rainbows for karma. I’ll take it, but I think there could have been more trippy visuals if time allowed.

I probably didn’t fully answer your question but basically, I accept the eras tour for all that it magically is and I’m just happy that Taylor is back out in the world. It’s nice to see her more than once every few months 😜

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midsummer-afternoon · 11 months

Text

꧁The Nature of Kira꧂

Summary: You and Watari are the only people L trusts. Tonight you and L have a conversation discussing who Kira is and help move the investigation forward.

Notes: I do not own Death Note or any of its characters, this is for non-profit fan work solely made for entertainment. All rights go to Tsugumi Ohba, Takeshi Obata, and other respective owners.

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦

“Good evening, L. How was your day?” (Y/n) asks.

“Good. I have come across a clue from the Kira case today— a scrap of newspaper, that may help in solving the case. I am confident that I’m on the right track. How was your day?” L replies.

“Wow! That’s great news. If you don’t mind sharing more details, I’d like to hear about it. I’ve been doing alright; it was a busy day at the Task Force HQ.”

“Certainly! So, what I’ve noticed is that there is a pattern in Kira’s murders— he kills very specific kinds of individuals who, to ordinary eyes, appear to be completely unconnected among themselves. This pattern suggests that Kira has a particular agenda, and a motive for doing what he’s doing. My current theory is that Kira is a sort of “vigilante killer,” who is targeting specific types of people and killing them in a very symbolic way. What do you think of that theory, (Y/n)? Does it make sense?”

(Y/n) gives this a lot of thought and reads through Kira’s killing record once more. “I think...you’re right. It’s quite impressive, how you notice these things.”

“I’m glad you agree. Now that we have established the pattern of the killings, we can start trying to decipher Kira’s “message”— the thing he’s trying to stand for, in his twisted way. So, if you had to guess, what would you say is the main message Kira is trying to spread through these murders?”

(Y/n) gives this thought before responding and she manages to say,

“Based on his victims and messages, I think he is trying to declare himself to be like some kind of god and he’s trying to create a utopia he can rule over by controlling people with fear...fear of his ability to kill telepathically.”

L thinks for a few moments and responds, “Hmm, so basically, Kira wants to create a “new world” that is shaped according to his twisted vision, and he views himself as a “god” who can “judge” who deserves to live and who doesn’t. The message he’s trying to spread is “obey me or die.” This is definitely worth exploring further. With that said, do you think that Kira is working alone, or is he part of some organized group?”

“If I were to guess, I get the feeling he is working alone...if he is not alone, however, he might have a sort of person in on it with him in his goal but this person...or supernatural being may not be completely on his side.”

“Good guess. It would make sense that Kira has at least one accomplice who shares his beliefs, but if he did, they would most certainly have different agendas and motives. After all, Kira is essentially a serial killer with a supernatural ability, whereas his accomplice would be an “ideological partner” who may have different ideas about how to fulfill their shared goal. Based on what we know about the case so far, do you think there is anyone who fits that description?”

“Well...unfortunately there are many potential people who could be his accomplice, but some things that could narrow it down is no ordinary person could be the one because something supernatural is involved. It is most likely a being from another world...perhaps a “Shinigami?” In one of Kira’s victims, there was such an individual who was forced to leave a dying message mentioning “Shinigami.” I do not believe that to be random, it must mean something.”

“Good thinking!” L says and he continues, “The Shinigami are supernatural beings with the power to cause death, so if Kira is working with one of them, it would explain why there is a supernatural element to his murders. But if that’s the case, what do you think their relationship like? Would the Shinigami be willing and active participant in Kira’s killing spree, or would they be more of a reluctant accomplice?”

“This Shinigami might be...indifferent. That’s the feeling I get.”

“Hmm, so kind of just a “tool” to Kira, you say? That certainly makes sense. In fact, if you don’t mind speculating further, do you think Kira made some sort of “deal” with the Shinigami in order to gain his supernatural power, possibly in exchange for killing certain people? If so, what do you think the details of that deal might be?”

“A deal is certainly possible, after all Kira’s power most likely came from a Shinigami...I don’t know what Kira could have traded for the ability to kill...If I had to choose something, maybe it was his soul?”

“That’s an interesting theory. So, you think Kira may have sold his soul in order to gain the power of the Shinigami, and now he’s using his unnatural abilities to try and “create a new world” in his twisted image...I certainly think it’s possible that those could be the terms of their deal. If that’s true, the question is, does the Shinigami care or not if Kira succeeds in his twisted mission, or is it simply an observer who is indifferent to the outcome?”

“Thank you for taking it into consideration.” (Y/n) thinks a little bit before responding. “I think the Shinigami is probably an observer who is indifferent to the outcome...what makes me think this is the Shinigami could do so much more to help Kira...like kill all of us right now as we speak. Yet, he’s leaving it to Kira to take care of us which makes me think this Shinigami...He or she is not completely on Kira’s side.”

“That’s a good point. If Kira and the Shinigami have a partnership of some sort, it’s interesting that the Shinigami doesn’t seem to be taking much of an active role in helping him. That raises some new questions: what is the Shinigami’s ultimate goal? Is it simply to cause chaos and destruction, or is it more than that? If the Shinigami is truly indifferent to the outcome of Kira’s plans, then its motives may be more mysterious and inscrutable than we can currently imagine...”

There were a few moments of silence before (y/n) says, “I believe so.”

“So, what’s your ultimate theory now, (y/n)? Do you still think that Kira is more likely trying to send a message with his killings than he is just simply trying to satisfy a “god complex?” What is it that you imagine he is trying to say? Do you think he’s just trying to spread fear and anarchy, or do you think it’s more organized and coherent motive behind his killing? Is it about “creating a new world” for the human race, or is it solely about Kira’s personal desire to be the god of a world shaped in his twisted image?

“I think it’s both...the “new world” for the human race and to feed his god complex...I think in Kira’s mind it is a combination. However, he is more concerned about protecting his status than he is about serving justice. What do you think, L?”

L had taken his tea cup to his lips and finished swallowing a small amount of his drink. He puts it back down on the plate in the table before him and says, “That makes sense, I certainly agree that he’s motivated by both of those things. But if he were to succeed in creating his twisted new world, what would that look like? Can you imagine what kind of world Kira is striving to create? Is it a world he rules as an ultimate authority figure? Is it a world where people are free to do as they please without rules and morality to restrain them? Or is it a world where people are simply meant to serve him, and do as he says without question?”

(Y/n) sensed he must already know the answer to this question but she respected how he wanted to hear how she would put it. She looked the other way for a moment, holding her chin, staring at the patterns of the curtains hanging from the drapery hooks...

“I think...most likely...he wants people to obey him and do what he says without question. Most likely Kira had a twisted vision of a certain standard all people must live up to, and if they fail to do so, he’d kill them.”

“I think you’re right.” L says as he too began to stare at the floor, with his thumb to his lips. He goes on to say, “So we’ve gotten into Kira’s motives, but now let’s talk about how he is going about achieving his twisted goals. Do you think he plans his attacks very carefully, or do you think he acts more spontaneously, based on his whims and desires at any given moment? How calculated is he in his approach to killing? Is he a brilliant mastermind or simply a violent killer who has gotten away with his crimes so far due to sheer luck?”

“It seems for the most part...he is a sort of mastermind. However, he’s completely vulnerable to acting spontaneous, much like how he did when he killed Lind L. Tailor.”

L stares at (y/n)’s direction though it is unclear if he is actually looking at her. He continues, “So he’s capable of being both calculated and spontaneous —that certainly makes sense...It goes along with how he can be impulsive due to his childish nature of hating to lose, which I can understand all too well.”

(Y/n) gripped the end of her skirt upon hearing his words. She never liked hearing L compare himself to a criminal, especially one like Kira, but nonetheless she was growing used to it...She knew he doesn’t mean it that way. Still, it was uncomfortable to hear someone who can be so loving, tender, and brave— one such as L analogize having similarities to a killer.

“In that case, how do you think he decides whom to kill, and when to kill them? Is there a certain pattern or logic to his decision making-process, or is it more impulsive and based on gut instinct? What do you think is going through his mind when he’s choosing his kill?”

(Y/n) faced L as she answered his question this time.

“There is definitely a pattern where he’s targeting criminals, and from the tv stunt with Lind L Tailor and the private FBI investigation into the NPA, he kills anyone who opposes him when he gets the chance. He doesn’t seem to have any preferences aside from the fact that they are criminals, but I noticed he does have the tendency to avoid killing criminals who committed their crimes by mistake, those who regret their wrongdoings, or those who have already served jail time and were released...reformed criminals.”

A smile comes up on L’s face as he says, “Good attention to detail! It seems that Kira is targeting violent criminals who are likely to re-offend and hurt or kill innocent people—this fits with his stated goal of “creating a new world” where criminals are not allowed to run rampant and cause chaos and violence. It’s a twisted and warped viewpoint, but it’s still a vision of a “better world.” This actually raises an interesting question—Do you think that Kira views himself as a “hero” of some kind, despite the horrific nature of his crimes?”

“Certainly...yes. He probably sees himself as a “hero” and doesn’t feel an ounce of heaviness that he’s taking human life...” (Y/n) responds.

“Yeah, that’s been something I’ve been wondering about. Kira must be pretty cold-hearted to take human life so casually and without any remorse. But is he a psychopath who simply doesn’t care about other people, or does he think he’s doing the world a favor by ridding it of evil? Do you think he’s just a ruthless sociopath, or does he genuinely believe he’s working to make the world a better place? Is his whole “god” complex just a way for him to justify his crimes to himself, or is he truly delusional and believes what he’s doing is righteous?”

“That is something...I wish I knew for myself.” (Y/n) looks up to the ceiling as though the answer was written there as she hesitantly continues, “I think...his mindset evolved overtime. At first, he may have believed what he’s doing is righteous but eventually it became more about justifying his crimes to himself. What makes me think that is because if he was only self-focused, he probably would have chased after power and money first, not focusing as much on the people around him.”

L continues to watch (y/n) thoughtfully as he says, “That’s a very interesting perspective. So, instead of Kira simply killing people out of petty greed or just the thrill of it, you think his crimes are driven by a genuine sense of “righteous justice?” Also, how do you think Kira justifies his murders to himself? What is it that he tells himself to make killing okay in his mind? Do you think he justifies it by believing his “new world” is more important than individual lives, or is it simpler than that?”

There are a few moments of silence before (y/n) answers, “If it is true he sold even his own soul to make his twisted idea of how the world should be a reality then...His crimes are more likely motivated by his sense of “righteous justice” and he “rationalizes” murder to himself by saying...what you just said...his “new world” is more important than individual lives.”

L picks off the last strawberry from his cake and puts it in his mouth as he says, “Okay, so his idea of “justice” is shaped by his twisted view of the world, and his idea of a “new world” is one that is free of the kinds of people he believes are undesirable? He’s motivated by the belief he is acting as some sort of judge, jury, and executioner all in one. But where did his ideals come from? How did he come to view the world the way he does? Do you think he’s always been like this, or did something happen to make him this way?”

“I... don’t really know,” (Y/n) shakes her head in reluctance, “I can’t speak for someone I never met but...if I had to guess something probably happened to develop his mindset because I don’t think anyone is just born evil...What do you think?”

L looked up at her, his eyes warm and kind, not the blank expression he often cast upon others...to mask his true feelings, to not put everything there is to him on display because people often took advantage of those who care...But L knew (y/n) is not such a person. To Watari and to her alone he could express himself more freely.

“I agree. I think some sort of traumatic event must have played a role in shaping his twisted view of the world. Perhaps someone he cared about was wronged in some way, or he was exposed to some kind of injustice that had a deep impact on him, and he resolved to “create a new world” where that kind of thing would never happen again. Perhaps all of this simply is the result of an unfortunate incident that twisted his young mind and made him obsessed with bringing his vision of “justice” to the world?”

“If our speculations are correct...I almost feel...a little sorry for him. That doesn’t excuse him killing people in cold blood...or that he’s trying to force everyone to conform to his vision under death threat.” (Y/n) lets out a sigh before she goes on, “It’s just...it’s just always sad when injustice or untreated trauma breeds more evil.”

In L’s eyes (y/n) could see he understands what she is saying and that he feels what she’s feeling too. His voice becomes quieter and gentler as he goes on to say, “I certainly agree— while it doesn’t justify his crimes, it does provide insight into how he came to be the person he is. It’s sad that someone could allow a twisted ideology to completely consume them to the point they are willing to become a monster in order to “create a new world” that is shaped only according to their twisted view of “justice.” It’s a sad case, and while he certainly deserves to be punished for his crimes, we can still pity him for becoming the person he is.”

As L said those words the flashes of his past reflect in his mind’s eye...how his parents abandoned him when he was young...what could have happened to him if Watari had not found him, cared for him, loved him, provided for him...

While L was the perfect poker face not letting it show he was reminiscing his past and the potential tragic direction it could have gone...Even so, (Y/n) sensed he could be thinking about that. She tries to direct his mind elsewhere.

(Y/n) nods and goes on to say, “Have you...taken any breaks today? Or any naps? Darling, while solving this case is certainly important, you do need to take care of yourself too.”

“Thank you for the reminder. But it’s difficult for me to rest when there’s so much to be done and so much at stake. However, with that said, I will definitely take some time to rest once this case is solved and Kira has been caught. You and I can finally spend more quality time together. Even so, I’m still full of energy and I’m very determined to capture him. I appreciate your concern, but rest assured that I will not rest until Kira has been caught.”

“I... understand. And I’ll keep reminding the world leaders how important it is to not give into Kira because...well, we know why.”

L lets his love for (y/n) softly shine upon his sleep-deprived face. His appearance that made people overlook him due to his untidy hair and bland clothes...but anyone who took the time to really look at him saw a man who was handsome in a subtle way...who flares like a candle in a dark room or a star that radiates in the night sky.

“Thank you, (y/n). The world needs people like you, who are willing to stand up to Kira and fight against the tyranny and injustice he’s trying to impose upon us. The “new world” he’s trying to create is one ruled by fear and intimidation, and it’s up to all of us to oppose his vision and bring him to justice. I truly believe we’ll be able to do that, if we all stick together and fight against his evil.”

(Y/n) says in a tender voice, letting her vulnerability slip into it, “Thank you too, L. I can say the exact same thing about you. You can solve this case, I know it. In the meant time I’ll go back to Task Force HQ and look through the research we did today once more. Good night, L. I’ll come see you again tomorrow.”

“Goodnight (y/n). I look forward to seeing you again soon. Please take care of yourself, and stay safe. Remember, Kira is a highly dangerous criminal and he has already killed many people. Please be careful and don’t hesitate to reach out if you ever need anything from me, okay?”

“I will.” (Y/n) says with a sincere and beautiful smile that simply takes L’s breath away.

*Cover was created with Pixiv

#death note #death note fanfiction #yume shosetsu #dream novel #L Lawliet #L dream #character x reader #one shot #romance #fluff #l x reader #l x you #dream note

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benevolentbirdgal · 10 months

Note

What makes a golem a golem? I see a lot of media that calls any sort of construct or manmade being a golem but I feel like that’s not right? I see a lot of people see Frankenstein’s monster is a golem for example.

Great question that I'm probably going to end up answering in like four different directions!

Also, sorry for the delay, I saw this, thought wow, this deserves a thoughtful response, and then got busy for two weeks with travel and family stuff!

Okay, so usual disclaimers that I am not the holder of the One True Jewish Opinion and that folklore can be wibbly, but here's my basic take on what makes a golem a golem.

There are a few positions I'm going to explore here on "what is a Golem" -

The most literal/traditional definition from pre-20th century writings.

The most inclusive - Every Constructed Man Is A Golem and/or if someone calls it a Golem it must be one.

The appropriation-observation - That Mech Isn't A Golem, But It's A Problem That It's Pretending To Be.

Also: Full Disclosure: My personal opinion is definitely somewhere in the "Golem means a specific thing, but it gets misappropriated a lot and that's bad" range.

In the most literal & traditional sense, a Golem is a formerly inanimate anthropomorphic shaped clump of Something (most traditionally clay or dirt or rock) brought to life by the magic of the Hebrew alphabet. Golems also lack free will - whatever you tell them to do, they do, and generally they are portrayed as very literal in how they interpret instructions. They are also, in the earliest examples, mute.

Golem folklore goes back into at least Talmudic times (first centuries common era), with examples of Rabbi such-and-such making golems using Hebrew names or the word for truth in middle ages. Our modern conceptions are also typically heavily grounded in the writings of the Maharal of Prague (Judah Loew ben Bezalel), who lived and wrote in the 16th century. Although relatively recent, the Maharal and his golem he deactivated so it wouldn't have to work on Shabbos are the most famous at this point.

Many of these stories understood golems as both general household help and as potential protectors of the Jewish community. The Maharal in particular engaged with the latter angle.

I do not think that the most exclusive interpretation of what we call golems, at least alone is helpful for modern discourse. Having a base understanding is useful though.

Roughly, tradition tells us that a golem is a traditionally clay-based constructed humanoid figure brought to life by the power of the written Hebrew language and operates without free will and usually without speech. They are not evil, just literal AF, and need to be handled with care - both with respect to their behavior and by some accounts, how the golem itself is treated.

This is a fairly restrictive definition. The opposite view is that anything that looks like, is called as, or vibes like a golem counts. In my observation, this is usually in the interest of calling out misappropriated golems.

I basically see three problems with the "everything is a Golem" camp:

It's NOT a one-to-one, but there are other manmade alive-but-not figures that fill similar roles outside of Jewish folklore. I'm not saying that a Talon (Greek) or Shabti (Egyptian) Tupilaq (Inuit) are exact equivalent to Golems, I'm saying that if a creator from a background with a constructed person-like entity as part of their traditions creates media with constructed person-like entity we should hear the contextual horses not zebras.

If something is a golem, we need something to not be. If we wanted to be very expansive, one could even argue that household robots like Rosie from The Jetsons are Golem analogues, which would be fun to argue, but one would be wrong. Basically, I oppose "anything is this specific thing" definitions.

There are lots of pieces of media that misappropriate golems (and other Jewish folklore, but that's a song for another time), but it's important to me that we save that label for Actual Problematic Appropriation, not literally anything that could possibly count because of vibes or whatever.

I do think we should be immediately suspicious of that which is labeled by creators as Golems when the creators are not Jewish. Why is gentile creator insisting this is a thing from a community they are not part of???

I sympathize with the assessment that misappropriated golems and golem analogues abound, because they do. This brings me to my own view.

For me - I think the best ways to determine if x is a Golem or Golem-analogue, misappropriated or otherwise, is to explore the following three questions:

Does it line up to the traditional description?

Do the creators insist that it is a Golem and/or do we have reason to believe they were influenced by Golem stories?

Is there a community consensus from the culture of origin - Jewish - that this piece of media is a Golem or Golem analogue? [by far the trickiest to determine].

I think there are basically three answers you could land on: definitely a Golem, definitely not a Golem, and some middle ground of inspiration from the thing.

Since the example given was Frankenstein, I'll run that as a sample:

Eh. I see where people are coming from on this one, I do, but I don't think the evidence is damning here. We could nitpick on the physically different aspects - the lack of Hebrew inscription, people instead of dirt/clay, the electricity bringing to life, but I actually think the thematic differences are more relevant. Golems are explicitly under the control of their creator, have a (relatively) easy on/off switch, are generally intended for good purposes (household help, self-defense), and regarded as part of the household (most narratives have Golems not working on Shabbat). Although I wouldn't say Frankenstein's Monster is evil, there's a very different relationship and operation that is much more horror-y than folklore-y at the end of the day.

Shelley never straight-up said the monster was a Golem. Although Golem narratives go back much earlier, their debut to the wider world was in 1808 through the Brothers Grimm's submission to a literary journal, Journal of Hermits. In 1808 and 1812 we see clear departures from traditional Jewish narratives in the write-up's from the Grimm brothers. It's perfectly plausible she interacted with Golem or Golem-esque ideas through her intellectual circles in this way.

There is not community consensus that Frankenstein's Monster = Golem. There are definitely Jews who hold this position, but it's not a community consensus by any means.

In this case, at least for Shelley's 1816 publication (not getting into later stuff or movies), inspiration from the Brother's Grimm bastardization is probable, but ultimately I'd say not a Golem.

As per usual, OP (or anyone else) is welcome to follow-up, other Jews welcome to add stuff, goyim welcome to reblog!

#jumblr #golems #jewish #jewish culture #cultural appropriation #answered asks

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late-to-the-magnus-archives · 9 months

Text

Corrupted, Chapter Four: Watched - a Malevolent x TMA fic

Tim's been treading, head above water, for a while now. He had hoped to find help.

That’s not really what the Magnus Institute does.

AO3

——-

Tim leaves early.

Navigating empty streets at night is one thing. This is heading into west London right at the beginning of the work day, and he will take no chances. Beyond all the ones he can’t avoid, anyway.

John’s navigation, however, is flawless. Slow down a little. Good. The step is higher than that—good.

On the bus without incident. Amazing.

And then it’s very weird, because Tim is used to scrolling his phone on public transit, and he obviously can’t do that now—but it gives him an idea. He rummages in his backpack.

What are you doing? John sounds curious.

Tim finds what he’s searching for by feel. “Ah, ha!” he says, and uncoils a white cord with earbuds. “There,” he says, plugging into his phone. “Thank you, Past Tim, Pack-Rat Extraordinaire. Now I can talk without looking crazy. Just on the phone, ma’am, nothing to see here.”

Very smart, John says. I’m impressed.

“Modern technology, eh?” says Tim. “Modernish, anyway. Speaking of which, you don’t seem to be struggling very hard with things like cell phones and rideshares. You’d been here before. Recently.”

Have I? Tim, there are so many worlds, so many timelines, so many dimensions. I’ve seen technology you would never believe—and magic that made it all irrelevant.

What an answer. “And you’re humble about it, too,” Tim says. “Also, you’re deflecting. You know movie titles. Not that Tim Curry doesn’t deserve multiverse fame, but you knew who that was.”

Such a clever man, John purrs, and Tim shifts in his seat, unwillingly affected. I see I will have to watch what I say around you.

“Deflecting. Again. Anyway, I’ve been thinking,” he murmurs, facing the window. “You must be kind of rare, whatever you are. If the world were full of things like you, I’m pretty sure I’d know.”

Really.

Amused. That’s that tone. “Sure. Why wouldn’t I? Why wouldn’t everybody?”

Because for most of us, it’s far more entertaining and useful when humans don’t know what’s watching them from the shadows.

“Okay, so that’s really ominous,” says Tim. “Worse than ‘a being.’ Positively malevolent. Still not gonna tell me what you are?”

No.

Tim sighs. “So. Anything interesting out the window?”

Quite a lot, actually. And John proceeds to describe what he sees.

Tim would absolutely have bought the audio with this guy narrating London for tourists.

John manages to make ordinary shops and red mailboxes interesting. He describes people Tim knows he would never have even noticed on his own. He manages to make London feel like a thriving, vividly energetic throng, a place of potential, not just a crowded, expensive place to work.

It almost feels like part of a life worth living. Maybe it’s time to face the fact that he has no plans. The house selling is great, but he is going to need another job—and yeah, Nigel is probably not going to give him a recommendation.

Tim should care about that more than he does.

You’re drifting, says John.

“Sorry. Just… trying to think about things. Future. Employment. All those boring human details.”

I see. What are you thinking?

“You actually want to know?”

I do, Tim.

Tim slouches comfortably, sliding low in his seat. “Sure. Well, I worked in publishing. I’m a really good editor. But… I don’t know anymore.”

Looking for a change?

“Needing one, honestly.” He swallows around the tightness in his throat. “I was thinking about when I quit, and nobody… nobody really cared. I haven’t been happy for a while, you know? And they say you’re not supposed to make any major changes like quitting your job or selling your house or getting married for a year after bereavement, but, uh. I’m two for three, and it hasn’t even been a month.”

I see. You feel the need to keep moving, John observes, low. The type of creature which, if it ceases swimming, will drown.

Tim shivers. “Wow. Never been called whatever that is before.”

A shark. This is our stop.

Tim laughs. “Shark? I am so not a shark.” Somehow, he manages to exit the bus without running into anyone or banging his head, and exhales in relief. “Right. Which way?”

I’m not sure. There are a lot of old buildings here, but not much signage. Walk forward. More to your left.

It’s like a trust game, Tim thinks. Like something to do with your brother one boring summer afternoon, one of you blindfolded and the other giving directions and accidentally-on-purpose steering you into things.

Sure. That makes it less scary. Right.

Ha! There we go. I see a small, brass sign that says, MAGNUS INSTITUTE 1818. Perfect. And—oh, Tim.

“What?”

This is a place of power. The way John says that… deeper, richer, absolutely eager.

Tim shivers. “Power? What kind of power? Is that good?”

Perhaps. I’ve never had trouble with this particular Power. I believe I am safe.

“You sure you’re as anonymous as you think?”

The moment you made that phone call, Tim, you bet both our lives. If I thought this were truly a danger, I would have said so.

“Sure, put it on me,” he mutters. “How far?”

Stairs starting… now.

There are more stairs than Tim expected. They’re wide and shallow, just a little awkward to climb. “Does it look spooky?”

It’s a temple, John breathes. Oh… I knew it was old, but I didn’t expect this. The one worshiped here has been worshiped here for a long time. Door.

Tim feels for the handle, tugs. Of course, it’s still locked. “Guess we’ll just have to loiter for a bit. You know, in front of the scary pagan temple in the middle of London. What time does my phone say?”

Seven. We’re an hour early. Heh. And pagan doesn’t cover it.

“Sure. Well, better early than—”

“Excuse me, can I help you?” comes a posh baritone.

Tim, there’s a… oh.

Tim wonders what that oh was for. “Hi. I, uh. I need to see someone inside. Kind of an emergency.”

The posh man huffs, like an irritated cat. “Well, we don’t… this is a place of research, so I’m not sure what you expect in an emergency.”

He’s a slight person, shorter than you, much narrower. Brown skin; I’d think mixed South Asian ancestry. He’s slightly overdressed for the weather; shirt, vest, sweater over that. He’s managing to look down his nose at you in spite of his height. But Tim… he’s been claimed, branded by the thing that calls this its base of power, in a messy, undisciplined way. I don’t understand what I’m seeing. It’s like he’s accidentally a priest.

So that’s the oh. Tim wonders how the hell one can accidentally be a priest. “Well, I need to, uh. What was it the website said? Give my statement?”

There is an irritated sigh. “Well, you might as well come in. I can at least give you a place to wait until Gertrude arrives—ah, Ms. Robinson, the head Archivist.” The voice is moving away, accompanied by the sound of keys. “I’m Jonathan Sims. In research.”

“Tim Stoker. In trouble.”

He hunched when you said that. I believe he feels more for our emergency than he wants to let on.

“Sorry to hear that,” researcher-Jon mutters. “But as I said, I’m not sure what we can do. Police?”

“Not for this, mate. But thanks, anyway.”

Correct to the left a bit. He’s holding the door for you. Ahead of us is an enormous, open lobby with old marble and dark wood. It’s beautiful, elegant. I see no furniture or anything else to trip you. To the left and right are the stacks going out of sight in the gloom. Clearly, at least part of this building is a library.

Their footsteps echo. It smells like books.

“What’s your statement regarding?” drawls researcher-Jon, audibly trying to be polite.

“A horrible book that ruined my life,” says Tim.

He’s stopped walking and is staring at you, abruptly pale, the arrogance dropped away like a mask. Oh, you’ve got his attention now.

“What?” says researcher-Jon. “What did you say? A book?”

“Yeah.”

“Did it have… a bookplate in front?” says researcher-Jon.

Tim can feel himself going pale, too. “Yeah. It said, ‘The Library of Jurgen Leitner.’”

“Oh, gods,” says researcher-Jon. “You… you’ve…”

He looks afraid, Tim, and—oh!

Those oh exclamations were, Tim was beginning to realize, far more important than any casual fuck or damn.

“Jon?” comes another voice, posh, somehow managerial. “Well, I’m used to you being here early, but who’s your…” The voice stops.

Oh!

Tim is about ready to strangle something over those oh’s.

“Elias, he’s touched a Leitner,” says researcher-Jon.

“I understand. I’ll handle this one,” says the man.

“I was going to make sure Gertrude—”

“Jon,” says the man, in a quiet, uncompromising tone. “I will handle this. Go on, now.”

“All right, all right. Good luck, Tim.” Researcher-Jon sounds like he means it, and he leaves, Oxfords clacking away.

“Thanks,” Tim calls after him.

Tim, this has to be the high priest of this place. Its power, its marking, is all over him.

“Elias Bouchard.” There’s a pause.

He’s holding out his hand. He’s a couple decades older than you. Expensive suit. Handsome in a boring sort of way. And he’s powerful. Oh, Tim, he’s powerful.

“The head honcho, eh?” says Tim, and reaches.

The handshake is firm and not spooky, so that much is good.

“Can you navigate?” says Bouchard.

“What?” says Tim.

And Bouchard’s voice is low. “I can clearly see that whatever… that is inside you has done something to your eyes—which is to say, you are blind. Do you wish for guidance to my office? I completely understand if you’re more comfortable making your own way.”

He… can see me? John sounds stunned.

“You see him?” says Tim in a small voice.

“I do. He’s… my, my, my.”

He’s not supposed to be able to see me, John says with a slight tremor.

Tim’s not feeling fear. Relief and shock and desperation rise up his throat like vomit, and he has to swallow emotions down before he can talk. He is not insane. External validation. His eyes leak, and he wipes them. “Can you help? This happened last night. You can see him. What’s—”

“Good morning, Mister Bouchard!” comes a cheerful tenor.

A tall, overweight man, surprisingly light on his toes, with bright red hair and a charming smile.

“Martin, good morning,” says Bouchard. “Mister Stoker, was it? Please come with me. We’d best deal with this in my office.”

Tim, you didn’t tell him your name.

True. And unnerving. “Okay,” Tim says, wary. “How’d you know my name?”

“Your passenger is not all I can see. Come along, please.”

Well. John had said they’d read his mind here.

I’m familiar with avatars of this particular Power, but this is an unusual level of skill. Be cautious.

Great! “Well, that simplifies things, right? At least I’ll be believed,” says Tim with cheer he does not feel.

“Refreshingly pragmatic,” says Bouchard.

Yeah, this was lovely.

Follow the sound of his shoes. We’re passing a secretary’s desk. His office is straight ahead. Tim, this man’s body isn’t as old as he is. He’s confusing to look at.

“What’s that mean?”

Bouchard ignores Tim’s mutters. “Here we are.”

The sound of a door closing behind Tim feels… weird. Very weird. He feels stared at. Ganged up on? Prickly, like he has to defend himself, or—

“Please, Mister Stoker, have a seat.”

Tim feels for the chair. “Do you think you can help us?”

There is a pause.

He’s seated at the desk. His hands are folded, and his gaze is… intense.

“Well, can you blame me?” says Bouchard. “You are truly magnificent.”

Tim is confused for the moment it takes him to realize who was just addressed.

John gasps. You can hear me?

“Yes. I simply had to… adjust a few details. Tilt the radar dish, play with the bunny-ears—ah, but you’re too young for those references, aren’t you, Mister Stoker?”

And Tim can feel two very distinct things.

One: John is afraid. Being seen and heard has shaken him; finding out why is definitely going to come up after this.

Two: Tim knows he’s being subtly mocked. The weird, watched sensation has grown, making him feel judged, and he really, really wants to make it stop. “I’m not a kid, for crying out loud. I know what a television antenna is.”

If you can hear me, then I highly suggest you stop siphoning him, John growls.

“What?” Tim blurts.

“My apologies,” Bouchard sounds positively silky. “My patron craves your fear. Can I get you some tea?”

Tim is frozen. “My fear?”

John growls. Full-on growls, and it is not remotely a human sound, and it is huge, and absolutely frightening. Back. Off.

“I’m afraid I have no such control over it,” says Bouchard, standing. “The Eye doesn’t have much in the way of personality—only hunger. However, if Mister Stoker does manage to calm down, the Eye will have no use for him. He’ll practically be invisible to it.”

“The Eye? What? Like a giant eyeball?” Tim stammers.

“Quite. I’ll be back with that tea. Take a moment, will you? Breathe deeply. You’ll be just fine.”

Bouchard leaves, and Tim resists the urge to wipe himself down as if the man’s words had been coated in oil. “It’s a big eyeball god?” he says.

Something like that. What we are dealing with is a Power—an Entity that lives on fear.

“What the fucking hell?”

You need to calm the fuck down.

“Oh, sure, I’ll just hit the calm the fuck down button,” says Tim. “Maybe I should’ve asked for something stronger than tea.”

John sighs. Then he flips that smooth, warm, absolutely devastating voice into action.You’re going to be all right. He told you what to do to avoid his Power’s hunger. Just take a minute, and breathe with me, all right? In. Out. Slower.

Fucking dom, Tim thinks, but does it. “This place is actually trying to making me feel watched, isn’t it?”

I believe so. But you’re handling it like a champ. In. Out. There, you see? That wasn’t so hard.

It does feel better. “No, I guess not.”

I told you—you can trust me, Tim.

Tim snorts. “Opportunist.”

Bouchard returns. “Hold out your hand.”

Tim finds himself with a cup of tea. He closes his eyes, sipping. “Thanks. That makes me feel human again.”

“Of course. Now. Why don’t you tell me what happened last night?”

His fingers are steepled. He’s watching us without blinking.

“Spooky,” says Tim before he can help himself.

Bouchard laughs lightly. “I serve a patron that feeds on fear. I’m afraid that whatever else I offer, comfort will not be on the menu.”

Tim’s heart sinks. “But… can you help?”

“Let’s find out. What happened?”

Tim takes out the book.

Careful, John warns. Open that, and it will again send out a— oh. He’s leaning away from it. Tim, he looks terrified.

“Well,” says Bouchard. “That is… ah..”

Tim already hates touching this thing. It may be psychosomatic, but now it feels terrible, greasy, like living skin. “What? What do you see?”

“I am going to make a guess,” says Bouchard slowly. “The passenger in your head was in this book first. Yes?”

“Yes,” says Tim.

“There is something else in that book. I would heavily advise you not to open it again.”

What? What? There is no other being in this book.

“I assure you, there is,” says Bouchard.

Impossible, John says as if offended.

“I assure you, it is not,” says Bouchard.

“So what do I do?” says Tim. “There’s got to be something I can do.”

And though he cannot see Bouchard looking at him, Tim suddenly feels pinned. Feels very distinctly like this man just reached into his brain and peeled it open, revealing everything he is.

John growls again.

“I will be frank,” says Bouchard. “I do not yet have an answer, but I believe I can find one. I have at my disposal quite a lot of knowledge, as well as some truly interesting contacts. I am willing to leverage all of that to help you in exchange for the freedom to watch how it all pans out.“

Tim’s not sure what that means. “What do you mean, watch how it all pans out?”

His eyes lidded just at the thought.

“I will give you much more than aid. I will give you answer. Any I find.”

Tempting. “You must really like to watch, eh?” Tim says, trying not to make it sound sexual.

“You have no idea,” Bouchard says, not trying to avoid that at all. “I’ve never seen the like. A new thing, to my patron, is the highest form of offering, and I am quite eager to help you. You rather have me over the proverbial barrel, Mister Stoker.”

He’s leaning back again, considering us. His fingers are still steepled. It’s a thoughtful look, pensive, as if he’s weighing something.

“You are in need of a job,” he says.

Spooky mind-reading confirmed! Tim thinks, slightly panicked. “I... will in time, sure.”

“I could employ you.”

Tim snorts. “No offense, but this place feels really weird.”

“It does, yes—but it’s also very safe.”

“Not according to every nerve in my body,” says Tim.

“The paranoia and fear are side effects of proximity to the Ceaseless Watcher. They are not representative of actual danger,” says Bouchard. “Working here would grant you some… protections, as well.”

“I don’t know quite how we got to offering my CV to a fear-god, but no thanks?” says Tim. “Got at least a few months before I’m that desperate, I think.”

“And do you plan to remain occupied that long?” says Bouchard.

Tim goes silent.

Can you help or not? I want something definitive. Your god is impressive, but this man is mine, and if you think I’m going to share—

“Hold the fuck on!” says Tim. “What?”

Bouchard laughs. “It’s all right. Mister Stoker. I’m fairly sure he’s just responding to the invasiveness of my patron—for which I do apologize. Do you have a safe place to stay?”

“Sure?” says Tim, still fighting against the absolute certainty of being watched, against the weirdness of his desire to rage in response.

“Would you be willing to leave that book with me?”

Absolutely not.

“But what if he can see inside it without opening it, or something?” says Tim.

No .

That growl is really something.

Tim takes a deep breath. “Hey. What does John look like?”

John has no body of his own to stiffen, but Tim feels him do it, anyway.

“Well,” says Bouchard, eyes lidding. “I see him in two ways. First is an impression—I suspect his own of himself. Whispers of the form he once had; catastrophically beautiful, like a terrible storm. Darker than mere absence of light, as if he might absorb it. There is gold throughout—I can’t quite make out the shape, but it is a very specific and almost harsh yellow. He seems to have… how shall I put this… the essence of a body that simply is not human. Multiple limbs, perhaps tentacles. Enormous horns or antlers, casting spined shadows. And I think he was quite large. All of that, however, is echo. What do I see when I look at him? The reverse of a flame. Dark, and hungry; fluttering and flickering like conflagration dancing in the wind, and significantly more dangerous than he seems. Given the right fuel, I daresay he could burn the world.”

Tim is silent.

John is silent.

“Wow,” says Tim.

There is a fabric rustle, and Tim suspects Bouchard has shrugged as if to say, Well, there it is.

“You really see all that?” said Tim.

“I do.”

“What the hell is he?”

“I have absolutely no idea. You’re very lucky. Whatever you're experiencing may have no precedent in this world.”

John is still silent.

Tim sighs. “So… what now?”

“Well, I suggest food that is not peanut butter? And keeping your head down. If you truly wish to keep the book, I think there may be a target on you. I can’t offer you protection outside my place of power.”

Tim snorts. “Well, unless you’ve secretly got an apartment complex in here, it wouldn’t do me much good, anyway.”

“Actually, we do, in a way.”

“What?”

“My employees are… hard-working. Part of the archive below has been converted. There is a small sleeping area, a washroom, a very minimal kitchenette. Should things grow desperate, you have my permission to kip there, as it were.”

“You really want to watch all this, don’t you?” says Tim.

“Indeed I do. And while I readily confess I will be watching anyway, doing so with your permission and awareness makes it all so much more delicious. Is there anything else?”

At least he’s honest about being creepy, Tim thinks, because that’s all he can think. “Not until you have a solution.”

“Not yet.”

“And my offer?”

This has to be a them, not a him. “John?”

I need to think.

“Fair enough.” There’s the sound of a chair rolling back.

He’s standing.

Tim stands, too. He doesn’t know what to do. This hadn’t gone at all how he’d hoped.

“I’m sure it’ll all work out,” says Bouchard with a sort of dark glee.

“Right,” says Tim. “Thanks, I… guess.”

“Here. I do hope you change your minds.”

He’s holding out a business card.

Tim takes it on automatic.

It sounds like Bouchard opens the door.

Tim walks out.

With every step, his heart feels heavier.

He’d been so sure solutions would be here. Immediate ones. Telling himself that had kept him going all morning. But now…

There wasn’t help. There was the possibility of help, with the cost of loss of privacy—which he might have lost anyway, just by coming here.

None of this feels good. Tim sighs, fishing for his earbuds.

Someone gasps.

Tim, there’s an old woman looking at us. She… something about her is very dangerous. Something about her… Tim, I think she can see me. Fuck this place.

“Good for her,” mutters Tim, who has decided merely seeing John does not qualify one for anything. “Am I still going right?”

Yes. The door is three steps ahead.

“Leave it,” says Bouchard behind them.

Tim doesn’t think that was for him, and he feels for the door handle.

“Elias, you can’t be serious,” says the old woman’s voice—old but strong, frustrated.

What, had she been about to do something to them?

Tim is sure of it. Sure of it, and doesn’t know why.

Hurry. Apparently, John is sure of it, too.

Tim hurries.

Stairs just ahead. Take your time.

Tim does, one step at a time, using the excuse of concentration to be silent. He wipes his leaky eyes.

Are you all right?

“No. Gonna have to be, though, apparently, because I don’t want to take his deal.”

I promise you, Bouchard will be watching us regardless of what we do; it’s the nature of the Power he serves. It only makes sense to benefit from it, given that we will pay either way.

“Well, fuck that guy, then,” says Tim. “I guess consent isn’t on some fear god’s radar.”

I don’t know why you ever thought it would be. You’ve reached the last step. Where now?

“I don’t know. I’m trying to think. Can I just walk somewhere? Get away from this place?”

Walk to your right. There isn’t much traffic. I may have an idea, but I need to… weigh the pros and cons.

“Right.” So Tim walks, and doesn’t speak again until he’s found a comfortable pace and position that seems to keep him from smashing into anyone.

It works better than Tim would have thought. John directs, corrects, and says nothing of substance.

Tim is deep in thought. A lot happened here.

He’s always thought of himself as deeply pragmatic. That means tackling this with an open mind, and organizing it in lists as quickly as possible, ready to absorb new rules. “So,” he says. “A few things.”

Hm? says John, sounding distracted.

“First, you were scared in there.”

Yes. At least John can admit that honestly. I know you’re new to this, so it may seem like nothing to you—but neither of those people should have been able to see me, much less hear me. I am deeply startled.

“Right,” said Tim. “And by saying that, you’re revealing you’ve done this so often that you have a ‘normal’ in your head, so that’s a whole thing.”

Not as often as you think. I’ve spent most of my time in this world in that book.

Tim’s not sure he believes that. “They didn’t recognize you, though.”

No. They did not, or I would have urged you to run like a cat on fire.

Tim smiles weakly. “Hell of an image. Look, what did you do that you have to hide from everyone? You said you’d tell me after.”

It isn’t so much what I’ve done, John says slowly. It is what I am. You were correct in that earlier assumption: I am… rare. Endangered, in fact.

Tim has a feeling John isn’t using that word casually. “So what are you?”

A being. Rare. Powerful, in my own right, though as you can tell by our current situation, I’ve been robbed of my body.

“Where is your body?”

In another plane of existence, friend. Quite out of reach, I’m afraid.

“Are you dead?” He has to ask.

No.

“Are you… what, a prisoner?”

Tim… I really don’t feel like answering these right now.

“Promise broken. I‘m keeping track,” says Tim, but only half means it. “So there’s you, antlered-tentacled-whatever-the-fuck. There’s fear-gods.There’s accidental priests. So… are there good fairies, or something? Wishing wells? Forest spirits of mercy, or kindness, or whatever?”

No. The lack of hesitation is upsetting. There are no beneficent fairies. No good and kind spirits waiting to freely give of themselves to mortals in need. Everything that exists only does so because it has not been eaten or used by something else, including yourself—from your immune system to your choices, you also fight to survive.

This is different from John’s usual calming tone. It’s not crazy-smooth; it’s just quiet, and Tim suddenly feels like this is the first time John has been genuinely gentle with him.

Tim’s throat feels tight. “Bit of a downer, there,” he manages after a minute. “So what do we do?”

You truly don’t feel what he offered was worth what he asked?

“Just being in that building made me feel like hitting something, and that isn’t like me. I started to get angry, over, just… nothing. No. Whatever price I have to pay to get out of this, I’m not losing myself for it. That guy didn’t even have a solution, anyway. Just a what-if. Not worth it.”

Yes… yes. John sounds thoughtful . That’s a good way of looking at it. The cost cannot be one’s self.

Tim isn’t done. “And just so you know, John? Maybe I am surviving , like everybody else here, but that doesn’t mean I can’t make choices and be a good person and help other mortals in need.”

Seeing yourself as the hero, are you?

Tim snorts. ”No. I’d be a cheerfully bisexual bard, at best. I just mean… I don’t know. You make every living thing sound like an asshole, and I don’t think all of us are.”

John chuckles. A slutty bard? Really?

“It’s a DND ref- wait. You understood that?”

Yes. I’m familiar with the trope. I’m merely amused you used it.

“That has some implications, holy shit. How the hell are you familiar with an internet meme? How much time have you spent here?”

Not everyone who kept this book was only a cultist. Some of them were nerds.

Tim is flabbergasted. “What, did they just keep you on the table while scrolling through The Adventure Zone?”

Sometimes.

This doesn’t feel like the full truth. There’s something else John is not saying here, but Tim doesn’t know how to get at it. “I can talk to you in memes,” he says instead. “I’m going to be insufferable.”

John chuckles. Ah… I do like you, Tim.

That sounded regretful? Odd. Why would he…

Or maybe Tim just feels paranoid thanks to whatever the hell that place was. “How does anyone even manage to work there without all becoming axe murderers?” he mutters.

I believe if you are inclined toward the type of fear and information-gathering that god prefers, it grants some sanity so you can keep feeding it. I’ve seen the like.

“A whole fear-god economy. Fuck me, that’s wild.”

Indeed.

“And by the way—what was all that ‘mine’ stuff about?”

John sighs. I apologize. I could feel the Power feeding on you, and I thought perhaps it would respect some kind of… prior claim. Obviously, that didn’t work.

“So you’re not a lot familiar with that thing.”

No. Enough to know that one isn’t much of a danger to me—but others like it must be avoided.

“Did one of those fear-gods send the monsters to my parents’ house?”

Yes.

Tim laughs weakly. “Wow. So they’re actively after you. Fuck. John, you’ve got to have a better idea what to do.”

I have an idea, if you’re willing to try it—but first, you need to eat. Your physical form has needs; Bouchard was right about that. Man shall not live by peanut butter alone.

It is deeply unnerving to hear all these deeply human references used with such familiarity. “I don’t want to try dealing with a restaurant. Find me a take-out place.”

Keep going. I’ll get you there.

He couldn’t believe himself anymore. A tiny part of him is beginning to wonder if, somehow, his family might be cursed.

It’s going to be okay, Tim tells himself on repeat. It’s going to be okay.

———-

NOTES:

Do I hear that description of the King in Ben Meredith’s voice? Yes. Yes, I do.

#tma #malevolent #tma fic #malevolent fic #tim stoker #kiy malevolent #Jonathan sims #elias bouchard #corrupted fic

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