#when you dont

[inkedcitruses]

Im alive still yesss ahaha

Ref to:

#i drew this for my muse #i love my muse #art #old art idcccc #qpr #qpr pride #my muse #oh my muse #how i do struggle to show my affections word wise #or maybe i can #just not when you’re looking at me #when you’re actively perceiving me #when you dont #i will say all the little things i like about you #to the open air #and pretend i didnt say anything when u notice #My lover my platonic lover #more than friends but not lovers #i cant gush about them as i wish i could #i drew this for them for their bday :) #bday art

[wellthatschaotic]

transabled is. internally i have x disability externally i dont. thats all. a blind person who internally has cfs is transabled for instance its not always (and often isnt) abled people who have identity of disability

so akai might say like "im transamputee internally i have an amputated limb but the body doesn't"

transabled is less medical biid if that helps. and more expansion. "internally i have social anxiety but my brain is not wired that way" is a transabled experience even though it's probably not a biid one. it also focuses less on suffering

yeah thats what i was thinking like again call me out of it but if youre not talking over people with that disability why does it matter so much that you id with it. like genuine question who is it hurting

#maybe its bc as a system i have a different perspective on it since multiple of us are physically disabled in source/headspace #but the body is ablebodied #but like. i understand the harm if youre talking over people with the disability or saying you have any of the experiences of the disabilit #when you dont #but if youre just saying in my brain i have this but my body doesnt. how is that different from me saying in my brain i am missing a foot #but the body is not #im not speaking over amputees im just saying hey this is what im like in headspace

[dragoncarrion]

Fucking hate ai bitches this shit is poisoning my search results just like that tumblr baby crow post fuck y'all for real

#shortext #if you dont love her when shes brown and gray fuck you fuck you and die #ai generated #ai art #<- for blacklisting i fucking hate ai 'art'

[mrtequilasunset]

Listen man, you guys can't be like "you guys need to be normal about asexuality" and then turn around and get weirdly judgemental when you find out someone doesn't have sex by choice. Like that's weird that some of you do that.

#like I love sex im glad we're hyping it up #but also genuinely some of you have got to learn how to be normal around people who dont want to have sex #even if you're not talking about asexuality when you say stuff like that you're still being a weirdass #im not ace myself but i keep seeing posts that come across like they're taking it personally that other people don't want to have sex #it sounds like theyre trying to prove something to someone

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail'' #ah tumblr... #writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" ..... #no.... not really..... #idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing... #this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey. #idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me. #i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

[awetfrog]

Do u think gales autism would just make him immune to astarions manipulation tactics

#my art tag? #baldur's gate 3 #gale of waterdeep #astarion #the “i enjoy our walks in silence” banter got me sorry #astarion in the background when you dont tell an orphan to fuck off or smthng: 🥺

[mamawasatesttube]

BTW... PSA.... even if we arent mutuals if youre in my notes regularly theres a Very high chance i am still fond of you. yes im vaguing someones tags on the compliment the person u rbed this from post. but like. positive vaguing? THE POINT IS im weird abt following ppl but IM STILL SENDING U FOND VIBES...

#i have to acclimate myself into following people. first i have to spend a few days to weeks checking someones blog manually #and i cant follow too many new people in the same burst or else theres TOO MUCH new unfamiliarity on my dash #and i become a small and easily frightened beast alarmed by change #also im just....................... incredibly picky kjhsdkjjkdsj sometimes ppl i generally am :)! towards do occasionally rb #from someone who i want to throw bricks at. and then i cant follow them but im still :)! when i see them in notifs #and sometimes its just that im going AAAA!!! AAAA!!! and cant put more new things on my dash #or in some cases its someone im fond of seeing/chatting w whenever we have talked BUT they simply are also into stuff im not rly into #and i dont want it on my dash despite liking them as a person. etc. you know how it is #ALL OF WHICH TO SAY................... :)! #rimi talks

[arowrath]

i love cishets and their somewhat ugly pride merch that lets us know they're at least fairly safe to be around i'm serious. like genuinely being like 13 and seeing random adults at the store in black "love is love" shirts where every letter is a different pride flag and the whole thing clashes horribly was the most comforting thing.

#text #this is part of why i cant stand it when teenagers complain abt their parents getting them 'cringe' pride merch #like is it cringe MAYBE YEAH ! but at least they support you bro . at least they're trying . some of us dont get that

[perfectlyripeclementine]

calling my lover "mine" but not in the way that my toothbrush or notebook are mine, mine in the way my neighborhood is mine, and also everybody else's, "mine" like mine to tend to, mine to care for, mine to love. "mine" not like possession but devotion.

#nonbinary love #nblnb yearning #nb4nb #nblnb #wholesomeposting #yearning hours #ive been thinking about how some languages dont have a possessive tense #so you dont say “i have a thing” but rather “a thing is by me” #and like im not usually one for psycho linguistics and like critical thoughts etc etc etc #but i really like the framework of responsibility/commitment rather than ownership #i think about this mostly in terms of ecology #and relation to land #but i also love it as it applies to language shared between lovers #like i LOVE calling them mine or for them to call me theirs #but i'm also nonmonog and that was kinda weird to square for a while #and it clicked one time when i was talking about my neighborhood and i was like well #when i say my neighborhood or my city it's understood i'm not taking it away from anybody else #its understood i just mean the city where i live #so why cant we apply the same to lovers? #mine in the way i want to show up for you again and again #ok #done now

[stil-lindigo]

lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)

if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.

--

no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.

I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.

I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.

If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.

#cw: suicidal ideation #cw: suicide #cw: self harm #cw: mental health #cw: depression #i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it #i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague #it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves #so. please dont #for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic #with the state of the world as it is #having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful #but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full #and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead #i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us #there is no fix-all #and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile #i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it #thank you for reading #and please stay alive #stillindigo art #stillindigo comics

[cyancees]

i have neither a good imagination nor aphantasia, but a secret third thing

#adhd #doodles #show this to your therapist instead of failing to explain it like i did #me: its like i cant control my thoughts like i was trying to think of something earlier today but #all i could think of was this giraffe eating leaves and no matter how hard i tried to focus the thought would just. replay #my therapist: what happens if you try to let the thought just play out #me: ........ i dont know but i dont want it to be there at all when im trying to do simple addition in a maths exam #10k #100k

[mwagneto]

FUNNIEST WAY TO DESCRIBE THIS SHOW

#WHY DONT YOU AS A MAN FIND TREASURES IN OTHER MEN AND MAYBE YOU'LL CALM DOWN !!! #literally obsessed with this oh my goddddd #me when the show about gay men is described as a show about gay men 🤯 #<- copying that from dms coz like OMGGGJFJJGJFFJ.... men will literally love each other #ofmd #ofmd s2 #ofmd spoilers #ofmd season 2 #ofmd s2 spoilers #our flag means death

[time-woods]

isnt it so strange how something can be so so so different yet at the sum of its parts its still the same? hard concept to grasp,,

full ver plus before i rendered!! (iv been rendering a bit different as of late and its basically just me not doing anything else in between the sketch and render)) (this is based off of PartyCoffins tumblr post! i needa go to bed so i shall find the link to it tomorrow)

#welcome home #Welcome Home arg #help how do you draw food #i only do this like once a blu moon #ive never eaten apple pie and i dont plan on it i dont like the way it looks... also i dont like fruit pies #i am a very picky guy when it comes to food #i got reasons ok? its called AUTISM

[cemeterything]

an angle i enjoy in cosmic/eldritch horror is when, instead resorting to the old classic "the horrors being so incomprehensible that they break your brain and drive you mad" cliché, the premise is that in comprehending the horrors you are so changed by the experience that your new state is indistinguishable to an outside observer from madness. you comprehend the unknowable just fine, but actually communicating that to anyone else is impossible because they just don't have the mental framework required to understand it. the eldritch horrors don't drive you mad. what does is the ordinary everyday horror of finding yourself isolated, ridiculed and doubted at every turn, no matter how hard you try to make yourself heard and understood.

#🐉 #this is why i liked the way tma did it #where the eldritch is more or less a direct allegory for trauma (among other things) #and how those experiences can make the entire world seem like a different place and make you feel crazy #when other people dont understand what seems so clear and obvious to you #apartment 'complex'? actually i find it quite simple. no guys really its so simple you gotta believe me. why dont you believe me.

[cryptotheism]

Y'all, saying that cartomancy is a "closed Romani practice" is like saying money lending is a "closed Jewish practice." Cartomancy was a practice that Romani people were forced into due to discrimination.

Ettellia said he learned tarot from Romani people who brought tarot from Egypt. He was lying to make tarot sound more exotic. Europe was in the middle of egyptomania. There is literally no historical evidence that this supposed origin is even slightly true. Europe has had cartomancy since the Roman Empire.

Around the time that tarot divination was being invented, tarocci decks were fairly new. If there was a "traditional romani cartomancy" method, (which even Romani oral histories do not support) it almost definitely would have been based on the massively more popular Belgian-Genoese pattern deck, not the tarocci deck.

#please stop taking the golden dawn at their word when it comes to esoteric history #they are not a reliable source #sometimes i feel like some of y'all dont actually give a fuck about romani history its just words to you

[roseworth]

ok now im kinda curious

#sometimes you get halfway through making a poll when you realize that you dont actually know a lot of social media sites #im sorry for not knowing things but in my defense i spend all my time on here so i dont know anything about the outside world #im like those guys in the cave and tumblr posts are the shadows