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hecksupremechips · 2 months

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To also go off of the point about cop!akihiko being annoying to me I gotta say that Akihiko as a character is very hit or miss with me because of how different adaptations of p3 will subtly alter his character. I felt like in portable with the femc route he comes off best, he’s a bit of a hothead with an obsession with fighting, but he’s overcompensating his strength so he doesn’t feel as weak and helpless as he’s been in many situations. He defines strength in a very literal sense, being physically strong and using that to protect others, but he’s lacking in emotional strength as a result. And in particular in this version I think he’s portrayed as a bit more goofy and sweet in a sense. He cares deeply for you as a friend and leader but he struggles with finding the words to describe how he feels. Hes kinda naive and gullible and has trouble noticing his surroundings. He has no clue what he’s doing but his heart is in the right place. I think he just comes off much more human and he has flaws, many many flaws, and that makes him all the more lovable

But then in other adaptations and spinoffs it’s like. They look at him through some hetero male bullshit filter and seem to view him as a lot more admirable and cool. Like in p3 dancing, theres literally an event where he’s talking with Junpei and Minato and they’re gushing about how perfect Akihiko is and how he doesn’t seem to have ANY flaws at all. And it becomes clear his inability to flirt with women just gets added as a way to make sure you, the Straight Male Player, don’t get insecure being next to such Perfection because at the end of the day, you’re still more charming and sexy than he will ever be because you’re better. It’s a “flaw” that’s only there to shield a sensitive male ego. And then in arena I mean, come on. He’s overly beefy and is a damn cop and travels the world and loves Protein™️ it’s his whole personality and he’s so clearly meant to be seen as hot but like, he’s just some shitty hetero male fantasy. Hes what the writers deem to be a Perfect Man that every guy wishes he could be, but don’t worry he’s still bad with women so you don’t gotta worry about him stealing your property- I mean, girlfriend!

And though I’ve not played reload and don’t really plan to anytime soon, judging from his social episodes they seem to have a similar problem. Akihiko comes off as a lot less approachable, like the year age gap is just too much of a barrier to get to know him properly. And he doesn’t have that dorky sweetness he has in portable, he’s just that perfect hetero male fantasy guy and don’t you fucking worry- he still has his protein powder with him

#persona #persona 3 #akihiko sanada #does this make sense like i feel like im going crazy cuz okay #akihiko isnt in my top 3 characters (shinji ken and fuuka lol) but hes teetering on the edge hes number 4!#i really loved him in portable i worked my ass off to get his social link i had him on my team the entire game #i found him really cute and endearing and hilarious but then like i played dancing #and er well i never got all his events cuz im bad at that game but i noticed that subtle difference #and then watching reload clips i felt it again i was like good god i hate this guy i wanna beat him up #which is so weird since hes one of my favorite characters so like what the hell is that #but i really think it is just this filter hes being presented with like when hes supposed to be a love interest #hes allowed to be more flawed and adorably pathetic and sensitive #like hes the one who wants to do the protecting but you end up protecting him you know?#so yeah this is what i mean when i say that if any straight person looks at akihiko sanada i will melt them with lasers #my mitsuru rant is a lot longer but its very similar just that ughh disgusting filter shes presented through I HATE IT I HATE IT SO MUCH #i think having kotone as the protagonist fixes most problems so i consider that the solution lol but i think Aki not getting a real social #link is a major disservice and creates that super annoying upperclassman divide that makes him unapproachable and idolized

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theokusgallery · 2 months

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The problem with my art right now is that 1) the little drawing time I have goes to @daily-basil ; 2) I have phases, and am currently deeply unmotivated ; and 3) when I do draw what this blog is currently about (Arsenic) I draw him in a gay way (because I love him deeply) and not like the unhinged person he actually is. I'm sorry I'm so soft about him right now. Yes I want Sunny and him to tear each other apart but they also need to love each other so so so much first

#siiiiiiigh...#im sorry i need him to hold sunny gently and tells him he loves him and yes he'll say it in horrible unhinged ways BUT #poor man who does not know how to love and does not know he can be loved. he is convinced he needs to manipulate people to make them stay #writing down arsenic lore for tosteur like two days ago made me so emotional about him. shaking and crying #there's not even like An Event it's just that his whole childhood sucks and he's never been accepted by anyone and he's so lonely and #(starts crying)#he does horrible horrible things but all he does to sunny truly comes from love. deeply inhumane and twisted love but love nonetheless #(except when he's being a selfish ass who doesn't have any sort of morals and generally doesn't give a shit about other people. of course)#god he's such a horrible person (/simplification) i love him #he does not care about hurting other people and only cares about his own selfish desires #he thinks he can do anything he wants and if other people get hurt by his actions it's not his problem #don't you DARE touch a single hair on sunny's head. not in a 'i care about my bf' way btw.#but because if sunny gets hurt. he has to deal with that and 1) it's boring unless it brings him something and 2) that's *his* plaything.#even when he does nice things for sunny he doesn't make it just to make sunny happy #he does it so that sunny will associate happiness with him and stay.#that's what he thinks consciously at least. he always had ulterior motives for everything he does #it doesn't really make him calculating because it's automatic at this point. it just makes him deeply selfish #my poor little boy who has never had anyone genuinely care about him before...#which doesn't excuse shit of course but hhhh i love him so much.#(D if you see this. this is about the OC not the guy. of course)#arsenic #rant #sometimes i think about nick like a normal person ('he's so awful and interesting') and sometimes i just slhrflfbfb. (cries)

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angorwhosebabyisthis · 1 month

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[pericky; a look into ricky's head during their meeting.]

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"I'm glad you came, I wasn't sure you would." The wine pours, the sound of it drowning out the missing word in that sentence: back.

Of course, is the response, and the part of Ricky that's spent twenty years tearing itself apart to understand why vibrates with relief. It doesn't matter anymore. Of course, of course, he thinks giddily along with the words. He never needed to wonder why Pericles wasn't coming back in the first place; he was always going to.

I'm happy you invited me, and of course he thinks again. A lifetime of pretending he wasn't always going to either falls away. However harsh and lonely the world has been, all's right with it again; and the shy voice of the boy inside him that he's tried so hard to kill says, so quietly, I missed you.

#sdmi #scooby doo: mystery incorporated #pericky #ricky owens #professor pericles #anyway fucking end me actually. lay me down to die #i said i was gonna write more pericky and by fucking god i did #the 'why did you do this to me' to 'oh thank god you didn't actually do this to me' pipeline of abuse folks 🥲#which like. their last conversation is yet another devastating example of ricky finally standing up to pericles' bullshit Too Late #ricky denounces him in the strongest terms he knows; based on his own feelings and opinions and the way he sees the world #(which: even then he can't bring himself to say 'i don't love you anymore')#(the closest he can get is 'i chose you and i can't take it back; the only way i can imagine not loving you is if i never had at all')#and pericles tries to go 'nyeh nyeh whatever i don't care' (and does a real bad job of pretending he is not obviously hurt lmao)#and ricky doesn't try to understand his logic; he doesn't try to reconcile a world where pericles didn't *really* mean to do anything wrong #his response is MAYBE YOU *SHOULD* CARE.#pericles' view of the world and what's right and acceptable are warped and *wrong* and he's the one who needs to get his shit together #'you shouldn't have abused me you shouldn't have killed cassidy you shouldn't have murdered a child in cold blood'#that is MASSIVE and i think it is really telling that pericles' response is to shut him down with force instead of trying to argue any more #and that in the end is the real true fucking tragedy of it all #ricky is making huge strides one after the other to take back his freedom from pericles emotionally #....and materially it makes no difference to improve his situation in the moment; because pericles doesn't have any less power to abuse him #he never has a triumphant moment where he Overcomes His Abuser and Breaks Out of His Control #there's nothing he can do to fight back until pericles is too Literally Dead to control him anymore #it is one of the rawest depictions of the reality of abuse i've ever seen and just. God. i love it so much #(at the same time i REALLY want to explore a version of events where he got the chance to expand further on that growth)#(the 'all witches are selfish; make all things yours; i have a duty' speech from the wee free men comes to mind)#whosebaby makes things #whosebaby writes #SDMItag #dyn: when i die i want you to die too

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polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup · 7 months

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megumi 🤝🏽 yuuji

dying even if it’s only for a good minute only to be brought back to life bc fate realizes if they died for real then they would need to find someone else to fuck over. those two are like fates favorite barbie dolls.

apologies if this post is going to seem all over the place, just bear with me. i don’t even know if you’re going to see this BUT it’s okay bc i need to get this out my system 😭.

starting off — god, imagine the chaos that will ensue when megumi tells nobara & yuuji about his very tragic history with the zenins. but like he wouldn’t even tell them straight up, he’ll just make a little deadpan joke (my sarcastic, sassy son) & the others would look at him like : ??? wtf do you mean by that sea urchin head???

like imagine itafushikugi going shopping for like traditional japanese clothes for a little festival or some shit (megumi was dragged by his spikes to come along) & nobara is having the time of her life finding outfits for her & the boys. like it got to the point where she’s dressing them herself & she shows megumi an outfit that looked similar to the robe he was forced to wear bc of the zenin (it’s obviously not the same) & megumi just refuses to wear a robe with similar color patterns to the zenin robe.

megumi: that looks like the outfit the zenin forced me to wear. i wonder what happened to it, cause the last thing i know, i got blood all over it. so as the second member of the zenin hate club, im not wearing that….

megumi: wait that blue one looks decent. i’m going to try it on.

nobara:

yuuji:

nobara: …did he really leave without giving us the “ getting blood on a zenin’s robe” story?

imagine maki complaining about naoya in front of the first years, & maki just brings up naoya’s onesided beef with megumi & her stories of how naoya was so petty back in his childhood made him remember who tf naoya is (megs have selective memory, it’s okay)

megumi: ugh, he was so annoying. i remember when he came to my middle school back when gojo was busy dealing with the aftermath of his evil ex boyfriend evil plan & he basically kidnapped me. i was stuck in a car with that man for 40 minutes..you would hate him nobara.

maki: yeah you would hate him nobara.

yuuji: i’m sorry he kidnapped you??? why did you say that so casually?

nobara: fuck that. megumi is a disney princess, we know this already. BUT we’re just gonna gloss over gojo had an evil boyfriend?

& imagine when megumi finally tells his friends about the zenin clan was when yuuji just came back from the dead & they were asking how tf that’s possible. & somewhere in that conversation megumi just let it slip that his heart stopped beating once & itakugi looks at him in silence:

megumi: yeah the zenin clan basically forced me to exorcise some curses & complete a ritual to get a snake — that snake fucking bit me. it was my least favorite. but yeah i basically died. then yuuta brought me back. then i was blind for a good minute.

nobara, yuuji, & even sukuna:

megumi: it was a terrible time for me. gojo was even more clingier & protective. it got to a point where he started treating me like i was 6 again… reading me bedtime stories, singing me lullabies & describing the pictures in the stories since i was…yknow blind.

cue itakugi & even sukuna wanting to burn down the zenin but ofc they can’t do that…so they settle for pulling pranks on the members & traumatizing them ofc.

IM ALSO imagining how funny it would be for yuuji to be jealous of yuuta. like bro is basically living yuuji’s fantasy world. i’m giggling at the idea of yuuji fighting for his life to be either megumi favorite or nanami’s favorite.

you also opened my eye to the potential of maki & tsumiki… like i also like to imagine that in a happier world, they would understand each other on such a deep level. but they would also find parts of the other that they wished they had. but on a happier note i like to imagine that megumi would suffer whenever it was brought up that his aunt is basically dating his step sister. like maki would be a menace to megumi. every little thing he do? maki is texting tsumiki in a corner.

maki watching itafushi cook together in the kitchen: i can’t believe megumi has a boyfriend. it’s so cute that he thinks that he can hide this from me. lemme go snitch to tsumiki.

maki listening to megumi describe his fight with sukuna, a cursed spirit who apparently has a stripping problem: oh my god. megumi is truly yuuta’s boy. they both got cursed spirits obsessed with them…i need to tell tsumiki.

maki to megumi after witnessing his suicidal tendencies: don’t make me tell tsumiki.

i honestly love your story. the way you added so much more to megumi childhood is beautiful. it just make soooo much sense. but also your characterization of gojo is so precious to me. i’m waiting for gojo to go apeshit on the zenin. i’m also giggling in anticipation at gojo finding out about yuuta attachment to megumi. i like to imagine him to be kind of worried about it actually, bc that’s not fucking healthy. but i imagine him getting used to it since megumi will have a protector in the form of yuuta & his power of love.

i’m also curious to see mai’s role in this story since.

*sighs in disappointment at gege writing choices*

since she had a crush on megumi…yeah. but imma just interpret that as she wants to be his family. it keeps me sane

i also wanted to ask if there’s a chance that you would write a megumi POV of what happened in the zenin clan? ofc i would understand if you wouldn’t since it leaves a much more ominous feeling to the events. plus yuuta running commentary is a good mix of angst & humor so ofc i understand.

Yuuji: man fushiguro almost checks the boxes for a Disney princess. except he was never kidnapped or enslaved

Megumi, sold to the Zenin clan, who later kidnapped him: *sweating*

Nobara and Yuuji would be the co-vice presidents of the "fuck the Zenin clan" club if they knew what happened. They would be the presidents but yuuta and maki are already in a death match for the position and they're trying to avoid the bloodshed. they are not allowed to be treasurer because neither of them know how money works.

megumi is unaware that a formal club has been formed.

Megumi is suffering SO HARD in any world where maki and tsumiki are together. they won't stop ganging up on him when it comes to his love life and general wellbeing and holding hands where he has to see it. maki lectures him about his suicidal tendencies in the field, holds up one finger, calls tsumiki, and lets her pick up where she left off. maki tries to talk to him about relationships one (1) time and he tries to drown himself.

see i'm pretty open to writing a megumi POV but it, like most of my stories, falls in this nebulous category of "if i have the time." like, i've thought about writing megumi's pov before, there's a lot of stuff that happened that exists as like, background knowledge for me that will never make it through yuuta's pov because it doesn't make sense for yuuta to find out about it. It would be very tonally different, but if i did write it, it would be a different work entirely and i'd be making sea glass gardens into a series.

i'm eternally tempted by the siren call of making my works into a series. If i did it with sea glass gardens, i would want to add a one shot of Megumi's pov during the time leading up to sea glass gardens and a short multi-chapter of the gojo, nanami, shoko teen parenting trio. If I have the time, it will exist; if i don't, it won't.

#ironically the one thing that WOULD endear yuuta to yuuji is finding out about all of this #yuuji would instantly love him for all he did for Their Boy. it's the only way i see megumi actually fessing up to what happened #i think megumi's just someone who's really private and uncomfortable with people knowing a lot about him and he would try to hide this from #itakugi for as long as he could. it probably eats at him that the second years all saw him like this. i think he just hates feeling vulnera #megumi gives him the /extremely/ abridged version of events to get yuuji and nobara to chill about yuuta and how he acts (yuuji is convince #that there's no one who could be that perfect nobara keeps looking for homosexual explanations) and they instantly veer hard into finding #out everything there is to know about the zenin and how to hurt them and also yuuta's like. beloved in their eyes. megumi is their boy.#they love their boy. yuuta saved their boy. ergo they love yuuta now. it's simple math.#tonal shift is a huge sort of struggle with me as a writer just because i change my styles with every narrator #which is why it's kind of hard to flip between works if the tone is too different. i was trying to juggle sea glass gardens and toy rosarie #and i was just internally screaming b/c yuuta and jack could NOT be more different with narration styles and i was like 'fuckkkkkkkkk'#with yuuta i structure sentences with a lot of 'space' in them. i don't have a better word for it i'm not actually trained in writing so #it's all just whatever shit i made up along the way i have no officially terms. anyway. Yuuta's sentences are structured to have this sort #of detached distance between the actual message and the start of the sentence. So we end up with a lot of sentences that start w/ structure #like “yuuta thinks” and Yuuta feels“ b/c I think of yuuta as a very detached person because of how he lived. it's a survival mechanism.#a lot of the meat of what he feels has to come in almost absentmindedly. So you end up with Yuuta's suicide scene and losing the knife and #him having a line like “He swears he never meant any of the bad things he did” and the fact that he thinks his own survival is a bad thing #/he's/ to blame for is almost backdoor'd in as a given premise. it's assumed. it's not even the point of the sentence. he's been living wit #jack murdock meanwhile is an intensively retrospective character that's meant to make you almost feel claustrophobic from how “close” his #narration style is. a lot of the actual message is conveyed through imagined scenarios and emotional recollection. he's a character steeped #in regret who has been torturing himself with it for years. yuuta's survival mechanism is isolation but jacks been yearning to get back wha #he lost for so long and dreaming of it that he's steeped in really vivid internal imaginings.#with jack you have multipage lamentations remembering his son buying cereal with him but yuuta drops the fact that his parents stopped #loving him at some point and it's not even the most important thing in the sentence. it's included as a qualifier because yuuta has accepte #so much of the bad things that happened to him when he shouldn't have whereas jack hasn't accepted ANYTHING that happened.#Yuuta uses a lot of very clean cut grammatically correct narration and jacks is riddled with a bunch of “ain't's” and grammatical errors.#he has an accent for lack of a better term. so you end up w/ two characters who convey information in different ways prioritize different #info in their sentences use different sentence structures etc. so megumi would have a /very different/ style and tone from yuutas that woul #sort of shape any fic that came through him because all of my fics are primarily shaped through the narrator's voice. it's also why I set #kind of hard lines about whether a fic can have any narrator or just specific narrators b/c it determines the whole tone.

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starlooove · 18 days

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“There is no fanfic on Stephs treatment I have checked” that’s like the whole point.

#I’m not saying ur wrong bc it’s not canon #I’m saying ur wrong bc ur perpetuating the misogyny that got u there in the first place #and yeah imma take it there it IS that deep to me sorry #like this isn’t like a diff in opinion on an arc or smth #this is quite literally the bigotry that fandoms supposed to be an escape from manifesting itself again with a rainbow flag over it it’s so #like first of all not that serious but concerning to me is getting into smth without knowing the source material #u don’t need to know the exact timeline of events and which specific Batmobile Bruce had in every era duh #that’d be hypocritical to say I read character to character screw the timeline lmao #but it’s like. ur telling me u adore Dick Grayson and have never picked up NTT?#u wanna analyze the queer coding in Tim’s character but you’ve never read his og robin run?#u wanna talk about Damian’s character growth but you’ve only read Batman and Robin 2020s?#u ADORRRRE steph and cass and you haven’t even read batgirls #and that’s like nonissues #my issues are u wanna discuss how Barbara is actually so cold and cruel to dick for how she handled Catalina and you’ve never read birds of #prey and actually dick never cheated so (this isn’t me being hypocritical if you’ve seen that post I just lowk changed my mind)#or if he did it was justified or whatever #you wanna talk about how Jason and Roy are soulmates and you can’t tell me a single thing besides he’s an archer a father and an addict #it’s like ur putting shit out there about these characters and their relationships and you don’t know them #and more people who don’t know them see ur shit and do the same thing #and that’s mid level issue #the BIG issue is that y’all have not unpacked ur racism misogyny or classism enough to do this and then turn around and say ur fixing dc or #whatever. u have not done enough work to speak on Jason or Damian and say they deserve better whilst u water down their anger into smth #palatable and sweet on ur white faves. u don’t get to complain about how there’s not enough about steph and all u do is spread more made up #shit to infantilize tim. and I’m not saying I’ll never read a tim centric fic that’s ooc and stupid and have fun #I do that and I don’t talk about it bc that shit should not be the main writing you find when you look for BATMAN lmao #and even then they HIGHEST problem is that even when people make more content centering the woc poc and yes even WW it still doesn’t get any #traction bc y’all haven’t unpacked as much of ur racism and misogyny as u think u have #making hcs about tim being a Barbie and Jason being a feminist and dick painting his nails is not progressive when Steph and cass are #cardboard cutouts or the vehicles through which the white men discover feminity is ok actually and nothing else #and then Duke and Damian are the token straights or allies. like y’all are so sick lmao

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petrichorium · 9 months

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Happy anniversary of the time I wrote 20k words in a week and got ghosted by the artist who was supposed to make art for the fic lol

#it’s been a year I can be bitter now right #for a SINGLE DAD BAKUGO FIC r u kidding I should have had artists lining up to make the art and instead I get shafted #I don’t fully blame the Big Bang staff. I think it could’ve been handled better but it’s mostly on the artist #but wow that rlly happened huh LMFAOOOOOO #shoutout to Shay for being the most supportive friend through all that truly #I got to live vicariously through her assigned artist who was amazing && also she drew me some stuff that was adorable 🥺#if anyone wants to know why sleeping is taking so long to write it’s bc I was fueled by spite and a deadline for the first chapter and now #I am just. kinda bitter and sad abt the rest #which sucks bc I love the fic I rlly do #hopefully I can get over it bc it’s silly to let something like that ruin the fic entirely #SO insane tho. the way I was the only one who made the cut and didn’t get art too #not even bc I didn’t get picked but bc my artist was a sham. nice. love that truly #the staff was okay. I’m not gonna pretend I felt supported but I get that it’s a complicated and stressful event #and it was a difficult situation bc my artist insisted they were working on stuff. never got an official ‘sorry I’m dropping out’ message #so I get it. but I’m also still pissed :) abt the whole situation not. at any singular member or staff or anything #mostly at the artist #but again could have been handled better fr

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magnusmodig · 2 months

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rough childhood headcanon qs / @clxscdeyes / no longer accepting !

╰┈➤ 7 . how old was your muse when they realized they had childhood trauma?

||. one whole "today years old" post!ragnarok and hela's reveal. Except, even then, according to the movie, not really because Thor is still in heavy denial about all of it where Odin is concerned. I've spoken a bit (here) about how Thor adores his family; he idolizes them and views them through blinding rose-colored glasses, (especially when they're deceased) and that is especially true of his circumstances.

So, very often times when the truth clashes with the rose-colored view of them (namely: his father), Thor does one of two things: find a way to justify the words or action with the surrounding context of the time to make it make sense (e.g., well he scolded me harshly because i was talking back), or avoid it altogether. (this is his go-to. no talking about it; thor would rather not right now, so he does not.)

Key example being: he would rather focus on how his father changed his ways, and the Odin that he knew and grew up with was a man who had turned away from pursuing war for war's sake, and was instead one who valued peace and life. He would rather focus on that aspect of Odin, and take in the broader picture of Odin's life. REGARDLESS of the fact that what Thor is deeply, personally affected - not with the realization that Odin changed his ways once upon a time - but by the fact that he lied to him, manipulated him, and controlled and shaped every aspect of his being, for Thor's whole life, JUST to avoid another Hela. Someone who Thor is not, could not be farther from, and never knew about, because Odin (apparently) kept the matter of his true first-born a closely-guarded secret and seemingly would have continued to were it not for Odin's death, Hela's escape, and Ragnarok all coinciding at the same moment in time. And this, all because Thor rationalizes it as "well, I wouldn't want to be remembered and judged based on the person that I used to be. I should extend that same kindness to my father, because he too, changed." (x10 because now Odin is dead. And it's in poor-taste to speak ill of a dead man.)

The problem namely being: Thor only talks about things when Thor decides it's time to talk about things ; when he is ready. ...but as this is a topic that ripple effects down to Thor's core, good luck getting him to open up about it, even just with himself.

#(yknow what sucks most about this is that 2011-2015 thor was on a trajectory where)#(while he still wouldn't talk about a lot of things he wasn't as firmly rooted in /absolute denial/ like he is now >>)#(he would lock up and not talk about his personal feelings but he was still /thinking/ about them)#(- and could grow ready to share his thoughts once he processed through all of it.)#(or at least he would broach the broad concepts while still lightly brushing over 'k but how did it make THOR feel')#(dude would rather choke than talk about his own feelings no support system for thor he's so dumb)#(which is also just so funny because he never /denied/ the fact that he's feeling under the weather either)#(he just... won't elaborate on why he is or how to feel better.)#(but anyways)#(to rationalize the trajectory shift away from 'thor being able to talk about deeply upsetting topics for him even if it's uncomfortable')#(i've decided that so much has happened in such a short amount of time and there's /so/ many things eating at him-)#(-that he's subconsciously decided he's not going to talk much about any of them. because there's just too much.)#(the vibe of 'if i talk about this now i'm going to fall and if i fall i don't know if i can get up again because it's finally too heavy)#(-and i can't afford to fall down bc there's too much at stake outside of me so i just will not take the chance')#(he can if he's ever with someone he truly trusts and he can speak about it NORMALLY if that person pushes him enough)#(because you've always had to needle thor to /actually answer your question/ rather than talk half-way around it)#(//stares at thor 2011 where he never opens up to jane even once not even at the fire-side chat)#(but until then it's big denial mode bc ragnarok messed him up something fierce and i'm not even talking about-)#(-the order of in-universe events that happen in the movie orz)#( ooc . ) — stories that leap from the page .#( answered . ) — black feathers fall to a raven's call .#clxscdeyes #( headcanon . ) — glory to the man who toils for his land . may it ever prosper .

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craycraybluejay · 2 months

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sex and hormone therapy and killing my abusers and doing hard drugs will fix me

#who boutta fix me #its really easy those are the steps #also like turning my therapist immortal #but thats optional i dont wanna see her die tho :(#but um #*flirting* do you fw any mafias aha like do you know any hired guns yk haha like just asking #ive been out of the dating pool for awhile but when i dated i constantly was drawn to dangerous ppl #it was fun! i was like a weird protsgonist with a murderer-o-meter #i kinda hope i see my ex at an upcoming social function just so i can revel in that #i know what they did and its unlikely many others do #i just like the knowing #and networking around #which btw always network everywhere even if its not a networking event #u never ever know when someones skills or luck can be useful to you or when you can pay it forward and help someone else #capitalists dont want there to be upward mobility n ppl try to make networking sound hard #but the truth is its just meeting as many ppl as u can and being polite and friendly #and even making real friends!#also always know your worth skills wise and be able to pitch at just an amateur level #like 'hi i do art and ive been dabbling at my dads mechanic job'#is more than enough #or even 'hi nice to meet you-- you seem really cool what do you do?'#remember not to overthink and just be genuinely curious about other ppl and open and receptive to new social dynamics #and dont write off even the most drastic opportunities #if you need time to think on it just say that #anyway what was i saying #im gonna get better and if someone doesnt fix me i will fix me

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badolmen · 4 months

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google search ‘how to over come my crippling anxiety to ask an acquaintance if she’s going to an upcoming Event and if she wouldn’t mind me tagging along (because of said crippling anxiety about traveling somewhere far away and new without anyone I know coming with me)’

#ra speaks #personal #help girl I’m autistic I need a script #seriously tho if you have any scripts/can workshop w me that would be appreciated #she’s in my graduate cohort+has been organizing a lot of events on campus I’ve been attending/also helping w to a lesser extent #and bc she’s the one that bumped the initial invite+asked the gc to let her know if we were coming/had questions #I assume a) she’s going and b) even if she’s not she’d maybe be up to help me figure out the train/bus schedule #(bc again I’ve never done that before)#and this is barring my anxiety getting so worked up I forgo the train altogether and decide driving alone to [redacted]#and figuring out 2-day parking before getting on a bus for the Event by myself ™#like ikik it’s not a big deal but my brain is mean and my mom refuses* to help bc of the Event #by which I mean I haven’t directly asked her for help but she gets uncomfortable every time I mention it

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theres-whump-in-that-nebula · 6 months

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Okay what other soul-crushing books about the meaning of humanity can I read?

#I’m a sucker for characters who aren’t treated as human and start to believe it themselves #Maybe it’s my queerness; maybe it’s my cult upbringing; maybe it’s my neurodivergence; maybe it’s my profession #idk #The only problem is that I get an overwhelming urge to take care of someone who doesn’t exist #which is weird because I typically don’t feel much empathy in real life #I guess I’ve become addicted to it???#I know you don’t need empathy to be a good person; but for me feeling any emotion at all is reassurance that I’m not soulless??#I like feeling strong emotion; but I almost never get to because I’m so damned calm about everything #There’s an emotional cutoff point where after a certain amount of exposure to something I can’t experience the same emotions for it #Happiness sadness anger disgust fear anxiety love… they all have different decay rates (love lasts the longest) but they all go away #I can still outwardly behave as if I react the same way from muscle memory; but it’s a hollow caricature #Which is frustrating when all the directions for crying on command amount to “remember a past life event that makes you cry”#Bold of you to assume I have any real emotional connection to my past #And I’m a good actor otherwise but… hm can’t do that

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caramelcoconutswirl · 4 months

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Okay, so the new hunger games is so bad actually i mean i knew it would be trash but this is just sad

#like there was potential!! i see what they were going for but it was so badly done like i could write an entire paper about it #the whole ppint of the hunger games is so cheapened in this every scene where you're supose to get the gut punch is so drab like this #movie is way too concerned with showing you easter eggs of the previous ones that it completely loses itself in it #and president snow.....uh #instead of showing him as a stone cold power hungry man that could've struggled with this new feelings of emapthy and love and how #ultimately it's a harsh world in which he chooses to be a victor at any cost esp woth the whole war history we get him as a sweetheart #who wants to help his family but also cares for other but not rlly but actually does and falls for the girl but betrayes his friends but he #loves him but but but and it's just all too weak like they tried but faild in depicting it right like you could've done something great wit #this and you got us another marvel/dc like bullshit there's no real feelings in this movie it's all so fake and try hard #where's the ruthlessness the cruelty there's nothing we haven't seen before actually it's a complete mish mash of those 4 movies not a #original thought in sight it's so bad i just had to rant #bc there's so many stupid things and plot holes if i can rewrite the cript better then you know how bad it is and also why is this so long?#it never ends it just keeps going you can't even feel current events bc they just skip onto the next one #bad work!

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ziracona · 1 year

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I know I say this every time I read my own work, but Speak for the Dead really is the best chapter in ILM.

“Well, you know for the first time in a long time this actually feels like fall?”

Jane Romero was smiling at him, sitting propped up against a tree in what had sort of become her usual ‘therapy’ corner in the past almost two weeks. And she was right, it did feel like fall. The air wasn’t as sharply cold as normal, and honestly ‘sharply’ cold was a nice break in and of itself when it happened—usually the weather here was somehow just cold—cold with no adjectives attached. But today it was nicer. It was the kind of waiting fall cold that came when it wasn’t biting outside yet, and it was almost pleasant. A promise of a change in the seasons. Tapp wondered why.

The trees hadn’t started to change color with it, or fall in piles, and as far as he’d gathered there weren’t seasons in here. Everything looked the same. Tall, thick woods, undergrowth and moss and rocks and fallen logs, a slight breeze on and off. Dark sky overhead, full moon, at this point long since throwing off everyone’s idea of what day and night were supposed to mean. All the usual. Except, somehow, the kind of cold in the weather. Who knew, maybe nothing had changed. Maybe they had just started to feel better.

LIKE. Those opening lines mean nothing but environmental flavor when you read them. But they’re a lead in for the thesis of the entire chapter.

“Well, you know for the first time in a long time this actually feels like fall?” - A promise of a change in the seasons. - Who knew, maybe nothing had changed. Maybe they had just started to feel better.

Like that’s it. Speak for the Dead is about a lot of things, but at its heart it’s about healing. It’s about forgiveness and healing, that exists between the living and the dead. It’s about how you can only speak for them, by speaking for them. Not how you want to punish yourself or live for them, but by how you know they would forgive you, or would ask you to live. Very little other than exchanges of information happen, but so much happens at the same time. All of it significant. It’s hope. It’s about how Tapp (and Meg) have spent every day here fighting in their own way to cope with the agony and failure of their lives, and the loss of people they couldn’t save, and have only dug their wounds deeper. About love. About nothing stoping the lambs from screaming except accepting that they want to let you go.

#god I love this chapter so much. literally I can start reading ANY part of it and get hooked. Me every time I re-read the one time in my #life I hit script perfection for an entire chapter straight: 💕💕💕💕💕#in living memory #in living memory (fic)#Speak for the Dead #I’ll never write something that good again maybe and that’s ok. perfection is perfection god I love that chapter #there so much said and so much unsaid. the way he buries Mandy. Adam trying to help. the fact literally never after in the story /does/ Meg #find out that she almsot died in a Jigsaw trap because she was judged for cutting? never. not post fic either. Ace and Tapp silently both #decide to never tell and she /never/ has to know. the way Meg asks if Michael knew Tapp loved him more than the job and that question is #not answered. she just says ‘he loved you’ and accepts that as a more significant one. the whole Jane discussiom. the way Tapp says ‘yes’#/only/ to ‘did it haunt you?’ when asked serious questions and usually just says ‘I don’t know’ if it’s probably true? the way he talks #about himself? the Saw references??? the dead people’s actions existing like ghosts in the script helping charcaters on a meta textual level #bc I only wrote Tapp surviving with a pen tracheotomy bc Peter Strahm did it? the The Silence of the Lambs thing?#all the ethical discussions that are so conceptual and simultaneously concrete in different ways. even the ethics are the dead and the #living mixing together. the way Tapp’s argument the only thing you can do for the dead is to finish their story for them-to do what they’d #been trying to do—doesn’t change? just what that means to him does. the way the entirety of In Living Memory itself is Philip finishing #Vigo’s story because Vigo is dead? and ILM literally /is/ Vigo’s ghost in the void chronicling these events to watch over and to tell this #story about how Philip is a good man. in which he is fulfilling Philip’s goals for him when Philip no longer can. the entire book is about #love and loss and no chapter in as deep a way as Speak for the Dead captures that on such a literal level #the book is the living speaking for the dead. and the dead speaking for the living. & a hope from that. a promise of a change in the seasons #literally. when they make it in V.S. from the eternal october. to finally November.

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