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mbti-notes · 2 months

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Anon wrote: hello, mbti-notes! i'm in an unusual predicament with an ESTJ (former?) best friend. they've been going through some very difficult life circumstances that i think may have finally triggered some kind of meltdown, and they've abruptly cut contact with myself as well as pretty much everyone in our immediate close friend group without explanation. they lashed out at some of us quite cruelly on the way out as well, which felt very unusual and out of character.

as far as we can tell, they aren't an immediate threat to themselves, but we are all at kind of a loss about what to do. we've all known them for about a decade and have never seen them behave this way. any advice would be appreciated. in the mean time, we are trying to just leave things be and let them come to us when they're ready.

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In my experience, there are almost always signs that a meltdown is possible, so I find it strange that everyone was so caught off guard. Did your friend make a concerted effort to live a secret double life so that nobody knew what they were going through? Is your friend the long-suffering type that swallows everything and doesn't complain until they explode? Are their problems something you or the others could potentially help out with? Are you or the others directly or indirectly contributing to their problems?

These details would make a huge difference in determining what the next steps should be. It is necessary to know exactly what precipitated the meltdown in order to have any chance of understanding and resolving the situation. Being vague doesn't help me help you.

One thing you can always do, no matter the situation, is try your best to be a good friend, with no expectations about how it should be received. To be clear, I don't mean that you should subject yourself to constant mistreatment or abuse. Rather, you should try to give people the benefit of the doubt whenever it is warranted.

When someone acts very out of character, as in the case of inferior grip, chances are, it's mostly the stress talking and they don't mean exactly what they say. We all have trouble coping with intense stress and we all have a breaking point. Therefore, one aspect of being a good friend is to take the high road, to be forgiving, if only because you would hope for people to be forgiving of you as well.

If stress is really the main culprit, a person's behavior should return to normal once the stress is removed, assuming that there is no irreparable trauma involved. You could choose to offer some support to help ease the stress. Or you could choose to wait until the stress subsides a bit before reaching out. However, beware of leaving things too long because it might get misinterpreted as indifference.

You could apologize if you had any hand in their stress. You could offer support by saying that you're sorry you didn't realize what a tough time they were going through and that you'd like to do more to help. You could send a probing message to see how they're feeling and whether they'd be open to discussing what happened (and why it was confusing). The best you can do is keep reaching out periodically to show you care and try to reopen the lines of communication.

However, if cruelty goes from being out of character into a regular occurrence, then you have to draw a line as to how much you're willing to take before enough is enough. You can't help people who don't want help, so at some point, you have to be willing to admit that you are not meant to be their helper.

#estj #fi grip #helping #friendship #ask

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the-final-sif · 2 years

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Is the poison a powder-like substance? Oily? Can he collect whatever part is poisonous and use it to poison arrow tips and other weapons? Or is it just straight up magic that only affects those in direct contact with his wings?

Also- Dream better keep it a secret that he can control the poison now lol. AND he has to make sure that Ranboo doesen’t snitch on him.

It would be really funny if only Ranboo knows and Phil has to call him in once a day to make Dream eat. No one knows why Dream listens to him. Ranboo is actually just threatening to snitch, and Dream prefers to at least pretend he has a say in taking care of himself. He doesen’t get that luxury when Techno calls the shots.

After all, Techno trusts Dream enough that he will just walk up to him, shove the wings out of the way and drag him out of his hiding place to make him practice self-care. Dream wouldn’t intentionally poison/hurt an ally after all, Techno knows when to call his bluff.

Usually he respects Dreams autonomy- but eating at least one proper meal a day is non negotiable.

The poison is magic created by XD! It works similarly to a wither effect, and can't be transferred to other objects. It also only applies to the wings, once the feathers molt out they lose the poison effect. c!Dream takes to collecting them once he molts for the first time and once he has enough he sews all of them into a cloak! He likes to wear it when he's in unfamiliar territory, because the way it layers over his back/wings makes it nearly impossible for a would-be attacker to tell where the wings stop. Aka "where am I not going to get poisoned if I stab".

As for keeping a secret!! Yes!! c!Dream keeps it a secret for quite awhile. He does tell Enderwalk c!Ranboo about the wings to keep him safe from the rain, but he doesn't tell regular c!Ranboo. So his secret is safe on that front. Mostly because Enderboo only speaks Ender, and nobody else in the area does.

Everyone else has been really careful around c!Dream's wings. So either someone would fall into them accidentally and discover they were no longer poisoned, or I think if Michael ever was up near the commune and managed to get away from c!Ranboo/c!Tubbo, he'd probably try to touch the pretty feathers and give the secret away.

c!Techno has already figured out how to get Dream to eat though. He's found that part of the issue is that Dream really doesn't like eating around other people. It feels unsafe to Dream, which makes sense. Instead, Techno takes to leaving food where Dream can reach it/find it easily and then leaving him alone. Usually the food will get eaten, unless Dream is having a really rough day. Adjustments are required from time to time, but Dream's found that since he feels Safe in the Wing Ball, it's much easier to eat when he can be curled up in the corner with his food instead of exposed around other people.

#c!dream #dreblr #winged dream #winged c!dream #rivalsbr #c!techno #c!ranboo #sif speaks #sif answers #my headcanons #dsmp #dream smp

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five-rivers · 4 years

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Family

Sequel to ‘Mask.’

It was amusing, watching Daniel eat like this.

Vlad had decided to institute a tradition of family mealtimes, and had decanted Daniel from the containment unit about thirty minutes previously. Daniel had been sulky, at first, saying that Vlad should have given him more warning and attempting to fend off the wheelchair Vlad had procured for him. But his strength had been insufficient to the task, and, once Vlad had wheeled him into the other half of the basement, where he had created a luxurious but secret home for his children, he had fallen into a contented and obedient stupor once again.

An adjustment to the flow of his ectoplasm IV perked him up just enough to allow him to attempt to eat breakfast. Attempt. Poorly. He was obviously as ravenous as he was exhausted, but he was equally uncoordinated. He only got a forkful of pancakes to his mouth every third attempt at best.

"Father," said Danielle, tugging at his sleeve. She was, more often than not, the spokesperson for her siblings. "Is Danny alright?"

Vlad nodded, absently. "What he is doing is very difficult, my dear, but he will come to no lasting harm." Perhaps he should allow Daniel to eat separately, after this.

"He won't melt?"

"No, no, he's quite stable. You needn't worry about that. He is simply tired, and his mind is otherwise occupied. Imagine if you were trying to, say, set the table while reading four books at once. Your coordination might suffer, too, hm?"

His children nodded. "That makes sense," said Dmitri, adjusting his eye patch. "I guess we didn't think of it that way."

Vlad gave his son an indulgent smile. "You are young, Dmitri. You don't have to think of everything."

Dmitri nodded, and then said, wistfully, "I don't suppose we're still following the schedule?"

"I'm afraid not," said Vlad. "You, of course, can continue with the activities I planned, but Daniel won't be able to." Four of the five children at the table sighed. Daniel continued to struggle with his breakfast. "But you may be able to meet David soon. His stabilization has been progressing nicely."

This pronouncement was greeted with smiles and cheers. Damien reached over and hugged Dmitri. Daniel jumped and dropped his fork.

He made a very small, upset fweh sound and stared angrily at his plate.

Vlad regarded him with a sigh. While family mealtimes were good for his children, for their social skills, their stability, and for their bond with Daniel, they would not suffice for getting Daniel the nutrients he needed. True, they could be supplemented intravenously, or with a feeding tube, but Vlad didn't want to resort to that just yet.

Dustin reached over to Daniel's plate and began to cut up Daniel's pancakes. He speared some on the end of the fork and offered them to Daniel, who took them with a kind of blurred dignity. Vlad had to cover his mouth. It wouldn't do to laugh at Daniel being hand-fed like a small child. Yet.

Danny was wheeled out of the underground dining room and his brain sluggishly began to work again. "Are they okay?" he asked.

"Hmm?" said Vlad.

"Being apart."

"For now. A few hours with you a day should keep them from deteriorating further. Once David has reached their level of stability, you will be able to spend much more time with them." Vlad ruffled Danny's hair and Danny hummed. Then he realized how wrong that was and scowled.

Vlad walked over to the tube Danny had been in for the last several hours and started adjusting things.

Danny shifted uncomfortably in the chair; he was still too woozy to try to walk. "Vlad?"

"Yes? What?"

"Do we- Can we do something different? Not that."

"Oh?" Vlad turned to face him. "I would have thought that you would have wanted to get this over with as soon as possible. This is the fastest way."

Danny shrugged. He didn't really want to explain to Vlad how unnerving being in the tube had been.

Vlad drummed his fingers on the side of the tube and contemplated Danny. "There are a few other things we could try."

Danny nodded. "Good. Right. Before we start, though, um, I don't suppose you have a bathroom down here?"

"Do I have to be strapped down?" asked Danny.

"Daniel," said Vlad, "you agreed to cooperate."

"Yes, with stabilizing Ellie, Dustin, Dmitri, Damien, and David," said Danny. "Not with letting you tie me up so you can bully me into doing things." Never mind that he wouldn't be able to resist whatever Vlad wanted from him, anyway. He was too weak.

"I don't want you to damage yourself by falling off the table, hitting yourself during a seizure, or falling under the ectoplasm and doing your best impression of drowning," said Vlad. "You can't actually drown, of course, but the fact remains that these are all experimental procedures."

Danny shuddered at the word experiment. He'd been half-ghost for long enough for that word to sink into his subconscious and give him nightmares. "But are they necessary?"

"I suppose not," admitted Vlad. He approached Danny with two quick strides and knelt in front of him. He held up an object that looked like a thick bolt with a thick cable running from one end. "This needs to make contact with your core."

"You're joking."

"No. The idea is to strengthen and more directly transmit your ectosignature."

Danny bit his lip. He knew exactly how something touching your core felt, thanks to Dan. "Maybe you had better strap me down."

They fell into a sort of routine. For most of the day and night, Danny would soak in an ectoplasm bath, connected to David. At regular intervals Vlad would wake him up, convince him to exercise a small amount, and then bring him to the other side of the basement, where the other clones lived.

At one point, Vlad had handed Danny a phone and he'd had a very confused conversation with his sister. He'd tried to communicate what was happening to her, and that she should call Sam and Tucker, but he'd just finished a disorienting stabilization session, and he wasn't sure how clear he'd been.

Danny didn't know if Vlad had kept up his other promise, to keep Amity Park safe, but, honestly, most of the time he was too tired to even care. Which was sort of disturbing in the moments he did have energy to care.

Also, whenever he was awake he was hungry. Ravenous. It was weird. His food intake had increased after the accident, but he knew he had never eaten this much every day before. But he wasn't gaining weight. He was losing it.

Danny woke up to Vlad undoing his restraints. "Izzit time t'eat?" he asked.

"Soon," said Vlad. "David is ready."

"Oh," said Danny, with vague interest. He sat up and leaned on the side of the tub he was in. Ectoplasm lapped around his thighs.

Slowly, Vlad decanted David from the tube, first draining away the ectoplasm and then rinsing David off with a stream of water from the top of the tube. He opened the tube up, and began to detach him from the various wires and leads. As he did so, David began to wake, stirring and humming. Finally, after Vlad disconnected the last wire, David opened his eyes and smiled. Danny's lips mirrored the motion.

He was happy. David was family, clone or not.

The next meal was more confusing than usual. His eyes were having trouble focusing, and the conversation around him was nothing more than a smear of noise. Everyone was happy, though, so that was good.

To Danny's dull surprise, Vlad did not take him back out to the lab, but instead to a different room. This was different. And upsetting. He frowned. This room was bright colors and soft shapes. Vlad took him out of the wheelchair and set him on the floor.

Again, this was different. Why was it different? He couldn't think. He didn't like this.

Then all his siblings came close, and he found himself in the middle of a cuddle pile. Oh! This was nice. Danny closed his eyes and let himself relax the rest of the way.

"Now, children," said Vlad, after he was quite certain both that his children would be gentle with Daniel and that Daniel was firmly asleep, "I will be leaving Daniel with you during the day, but I need you to follow certain rules. First, Daniel must stay below ground. Second, at least three of you must stay with Daniel at all times." He rather suspected that none of them would let Daniel leave their sight, at least for the near future, but that was the number he had calculated would keep Daniel in a docile state. "Thirdly, if any of the alarms go off, you must fetch me at once. Finally, and this is very important, when he is awake, I want you to try to talk him into staying with us. You remember those videos I showed you, yes?"

David looked confused, but all the others nodded.

"They were so mean to him," said Dustin.

"They shot at him!" added Ellie.

"You're not like that at all, Father," said Damien. "I can't believe those people are his parents!"

Vlad smiled. "David, I will show you the videos at a later time. For now, get to know your siblings."

David nodded vigorously. He hadn't quite gotten the hang of talking, yet.

Vlad left for the lab, humming. Yes, his little family was shaping up nicely. If he could get Daniel to join it with some subliminal messaging and the well-meaning pressure of the clones, well, that would just be icing on the cake, wouldn't it?

#danny phantom #dannymay #dannymay 2020 #day 30

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disanddatmedia · 3 years

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So, normally i would say the connection that you have to family but by the sounds of how your mom is, lets say a good family member/friend that youre really close to

so as I said, a partner should be someone that is like your best friend but with some extra

relationships (of all kinds) can be broken down into 3 parts: friendship, emotional, physical

friendship: this is pretty easy but it essentially being able to get along with, trust in, have some similar interests, and you have some protective instinct (like not wanting them hurt) towards them (at a basic level), you hang out with them at times and talk to them and whatnot, this is pretty easy, you might find yourself hugging them or high5ing them, maybe even dance innocently with at times.

the other 2 build on top of friendship.

Physical: this is a physical attraction towards the person, now to basically sum it up is, this is things that you won't typically do with a blood relative (we are not Alabama, so we aint counting them in this xD, sorry for the bad joke). this has a few grey areas but that is something that gets cleared up by communicating with a new partner about this (like "hey where does 'x' fall under")

emotional: this is the harder one but hopefully you will understand after this. emotional is all in the mind and non-physical interactions. so this is like: interests lining up really well, personalities being compatible (so being able to get along really well and can even play on one another), the protective instinct (wanting to help them, wanting to make sure they're okay, wanting to make sure they safe), wanting to do things for them, you think of them when you're not around them, you miss them (whether that be in person or talking to them) and so on and so on, it basically takes parts of mental and personality parts of a friendship and ups it more

now, you can arrange these to make different types of relationships, so:

friendship=regular friend

friendship+physical=friends with benefits

friendship+emotional=best friends/close family (assuming they are good family, bad toxic family dles not fall unddr here)

physical=causal/one night stand

physical+emotional= crush (not to a friend), well this makes a bad relationship if it doesn't add friendship honestly, you need that friendship part, so ill say toxic relationship if it develops without friendship

emotional= this is the weird one, ill say... family that you're not close to but care for, like you're not going out to hangout with them but if something happen you be sad still

and now, all 3= relationship/partner. When this is reach it expands on all 3 as well.

so love, what the fuck is love then? love falls under friendship and emotional (not physical)

so under friendship, its an platonic love, like that caring for them, enjoying time together, missing them at times, etc. and under emotional, well it actually really needs both friendship and emotional, so it would expand and be more intense for things that a friendship has.

some say that you get butterfiles in your belly and some say you cant them off your mind, and some say its you get reminded of them everywhere, but those dont last forever even if you're in love with them, so lets not think of those, instead lets grab to other things (non toxic trails obviously, im not leading people into a toxic one)

so that person is who you feel very safe around and find comfort in

you enjoy your time with them

you are happy around them (even with depression but its more of a break from depression)

you feel like you can be yourself around them without Judgement

you and your partner are a team, so you both work together to reach your collective and individual goals and help one another/support each other

you flirt with each other (that can be dirty jokes to complements and joking around in ways that are for you two)

you complete each other (i know people say this without explanation so what they mean is if you think of it like if you were writing music and you write something but something is missing, so you think of it and then someone comes along and gives you what your sound has been missing this whole time and you also give that thing that they were missing from their sound so now you both make this beautiful sound that without the other, you wont have known.)

you want to have a future together (whatever that intails)

you want to share your live with them

you want to show them things that you did

you either understand or have similar love language (how you express it and yes you have one too because this can be extended to friends as well at times, so everyone h a love language)

you trust them enough to tell them stuff (includes secrets/trauma stuff)

when something good/bad happens to them you feel what they feel as well

you do things for them/inspired by them

and theres more.

the love language is the way that you should love (romanticly or friendship/family) is how you should said love to them, theres primary ones and secondary ones (i.e. most common and not as common), they are not the same between person to person and they can be different on how its expressed towards different groups, so for me for example some of mine would be ( btw, 'ff'=family/friend and r=romanticly, romanticly will also have parts or include all that are label 'ff' but not the other way around)

sending memes/tiktoks etc. (ff)

helping them (ff)

doing things for them (ff)

making things for them (more R but can be ff, depends on the thing i guess)

"loves ya (too)" (ff)

"(I) love you (too)" (R) (notice that ff has an "s" at the end and uses "ya", its how i differate, im weird i know)

showing music/movies to with (ff, tho while there might be limits on this, R has no limits)

touch (hugs, high5s, fist bumps, comforting pat/hold, basic dancing) (ff)

touch (hand holding, dancing of all types (and will be the first choice always), kissing, etc.) (R)

cooking for them (ff)

staying up super late for/with them (ff)

enjoy talking to them/talk to them alot (ff)

and memories made, which ill explain upon in a bit

anyways, im sure theres more BUT! when in an relationship, the "ff" are very common and are more prominent and the "R" are included (where they may (depending) not be included in a friendship)

if you are to say "I love you" to someone it should feel natural, mind you, the first time saying it to someone/saying it back for the first time can be absolutely terrifying, lots of anxiety, heart pounding, nervous as all hell as you not only await for the response but also say it out loud to them to see how that feels for you yourself and hey if the stars align you get the response you hope for and the feeling you wanted and its like when you beat a really hard boss in a game or when you finally get down that hard song you were trying to learn.

memories, why is this separated? its because it is what makes relationships stronger, you gotta make memories to make it stronger (its really not hard honestly). While it is applied to all types, a relationship itself deepens that feeling of love, and expands even more on all of those trails in each of the 3 parts of the relationship, which means it makes the relationship feel more better than before. Also if one remembers something small or important from awhile ago and show they remember later it can make one feel very special.

now, theres the chemical part of "love". there are 4 main chemicals that is associated with love, funny thing, you can feel these without love, however, when in love these chemicals are easier to reach and easier to combine, this is where the reference "love is addictive/love is a drug" comes from, the 4 main chemicals are: dopamine, serotonin, endorphins, and oxytocin. Also know as: pleasure/reward, satisfaction/importance, enjoyment/pain relief (not strong but a little), and love/connection (also known as the cuddle hormone). being around/talking to this person you love can be enough to trigger any or multiple of these chemicals and if you're having a bad day, being around this petson can help ease the rough day due to the emotional attachment and these chemicals being released when needed to balance out.

(insert the 2 photos talking about these chemicals)

now, you might be wondering "I hear alot of songs that talk about love but I can't relate." And well if you want lets listen to some and well analyze them with this document ive made

-sing your heart out, the trews (song about the feeling of love, like how one would be)

-loveless, said the whale (how love grows)

-man of two minds, the trews (when you crush on 2 different people)

-agape, bear's den (when you fear losing someone you love romanticly)

-perfect, amy hef (feeling like you found someone perfect)

-shut up and dance, walk the moon (the chemical rush of love)

so in summary, love is this magical and confusing thing, where its elements of friendship, emotional, and physical components all together to make all of it stronger and better, its like a best friend that you can be closer to, someone that is like positive family, your other half that without, you dont grow the way that you want to grow (like you learn about yourself and learn new things and have a support system), a physical partner that knows you well and wants to do well by you, an cocktail of strong chemicals that can make people crazy and wonderful, and something absolutely beautiful feeling. I hope that you are able to feel this feeling one day, its wonderful, and if you do feel this feeling, i hope that it is with someone positive and wonderful for you :)

(insert playlist songs to analyze and compare)

https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLKRwutKPPfjUFLawhNJ_jCSfAs9wxSRzP

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