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#whoever gets the most points after the ep gets to take home all the prizes not the person who wins the prize task
cloudberrylane · 7 months
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Prize Task: The greatest orange thing.
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Taskmaster NZ (2023): A love bomb.
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jq37 · 5 years
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sooo.... what’s the tea on the new ep? :)
**spoilers for family in flames**
I have so much to say I’m not drafting this on tumblr lest it crash and I lose a soul-crushing amount of yelling into the void.
And, I gotta say, THIS episode is the reason I haven’t posted my adult rankings list yet. THIS RIGHT HERE. I KNEW some crap was gonna go down and force me to make some HUGE adjustments.
Also, We are feeling vindicated in this house today! But let’s start from the top and work our way down.
“Raise your hands if you really care about your parents.”
Fabian having to be like, “Look, your parents suck but don’t you have siblings?” (Kristen: Ugh, I guess)
Adaine pointing out that she cares about Gorgug’s parents.
Brennan listening to them argue about what to do like he doesn’t know they’re about to be arrested for a whole ass MONTH.
Fig wanting to method act while texting the phone, pretending to be scared.
So is the arcade owner (Frank Dunford) relevant? Brennan had the name on hand. But maybe it was just him being a good worldbuilder and anticipating the question. I feel like it’s probably that because this is late in the game to be introducing new people who are super relevant.
“Gilear’s got a little knife”
I KNEW those arcade prizes were gonna be gear they could pick up! ALWAYS RAID THE ROOM. Some of that stuff might have helped in the fight. I loved the group silently reading the cards and exchanging them to whoever they thought it would help most in the background as Brennan did the ID spell.
“This has been, if I may say so, the *best* use of the identify spell.”
I love that Adaine thanks everyone, including her inanimate spells. She’s just a good person.
OK so this episode addressed a LOT of questions I had about how these literal children were getting away with all of these murders and such. Apparently, the adventuring academy kids traditionally just get away with this stuff because of Arthur’s influence and the nature of adventurers.
Adaine coming in hot with the diplomatic immunity and then remembering, oh wait, we’re at war w/ Falinel.
Fig immediately starting smoking when she gets arrested.
I love the federal agent outsider with perspective coming in and being rightfully horrified by the absolute nonsense that’s been going on the past 15 episodes.
Is Riz’s mom the only competent cop at this station? Is there a one competent adult per location rule?
Bill Seacaster Upon Learning the Bad Kids are In Jail: Did you try to escape?
“How are things going?”/“I mean bad. I’m in jail.”
Fig upon offhandedly and indirectly being called a vigilante by Sklonda: Thank you.
Emily loses it whenever anything happens in Gilear’s orbit.
Wild that Adaine decided to spontaneously call Goldenhoard considering what happened later. Like, it wasn’t a completely out of nowhere decision and it was totally logical but they could have easily overlooked that decision. 
Like, I know things happen later that make this kinda moot but I loved Goldenhoard’s conversation with Adaine in jail. “Don’t to talk to anyone without a lawyer and kill anyone you have to to get out. The school will pay for the rezzes.”/“That’s exactly what our plan was. God, I love this school.”
Although, sidenote, I feel like you can only easily rez someone within a minute? Like, I know there are other D&D spells that let you do it after a longer period of time but with the whole phoenix egg thing and the fact that they haven’t come up so far, I feel like Brennan isn’t using the in this setting for stakes reasons.
Man that whole conversation with Fig and her mom. Emily plays Fig so balls to the wall that I kinda forget sometimes that she’s actually an intelligent adult woman who knows what she’s doing with the character so I really shouldn’t be surprised with how well she stuck the emotional beats of this episode.
Gorthalax man! TyraWeWereAllRootingForYou.gif If he left, like, actually left and isn’t just held up somehow, then that’s gonna be really not great for Fig’s general psyche. 
Kristen COMPLETELY undercutting the moment by point blank asking if they had sex.
No wonder Sandra-Lynn was so worried about Fig. She was totally Fig growing up. Which, lol, she’s not even half tiefling. She was just *like that*
Oh so Gilear has always been super lame. Good to know.
Fig: I think I have mommy issues./The Rest of the Party: You have all the issues.
Fabian: You’re trying to hook up with a 25 year old adult./Fig: What do you mean trying?I’m successfully kissing him once every couple weeks. (Which, lol but also I’m glad that’s as far as it got…you know if it has to go any amount forward).
They just let Bill into the cell?????
Lou when Zac rolls a 1 for perception on Bill Secaster and he knows what’s coming: Don’t fucking do this. (Everyone else: Already trying not to lose it)
Zac’s Gorgug being contemplative and also completely wrong face is so funny to me every time.
“Why would you kill me?”/“Why would you know that?”
Who is more insane? Gorgug for suggesting him and Fabian could be twins (aren’t they different ages????) or Bill for thinking he’s so awesome he could somehow do that?
Kristen trying to help FIg distract Bill by blurting out, “Have you ever had sex?” After the conversation where he said point blank he’s slept with 100s of orc women. 
Fabian yelling at his dad is kinda undercut by continuing to call him papa in the most poncy accent.
I don’t think I’ve articulated this properly before but this episode really drove it home: Fabian and Bill have a *close* relationship but not an entirely healthy one. Like, better than Adaine and her parents by leaps and bounds but he wrestled his son in a jail cell while his friends just watched. Like, who does that?
Imagine if Riz had tried to get between Bill and Fabian. 
Also imagine being the rest of the party just sitting there, watching that go down.
“We’ve spent so much of our lives obsessed with our dads and we’ve completely ignored our moms.”/“You’re just again talking about yourself.”
I can’t believe Fig’s suggestion spell would have worked if head boss in charge fed lady hadn’t been there. Speaking of her, as soon as she showed up I knew they weren’t going to be able to shenanigan their way out of this one (which is literally the word Emily used, hilariously). I don’t think even a nat 20 would have gotten them very far. Remember last week when I said that I was sure there was going to be a prom finale but I was also pretty sure there was still a good chunk of time before prom? As soon as they got arrested and the feds showed up I was like, “Oh they are not getting out until prom for sure.”
Siobhan trying not to laugh while Emily tries a ridiculous plan that might have worked in a different episode honestly.
Ally trying to Pirates of the Carribean her way out of the jail cell.
The cops didn’t even take their stuff in a month!
“I’m glad this is in my head and no one else can hear things like this.”
I love how Fabian rolls his eyes at Adaine for thanking her spells but he always thanks the Hangman.
Realistically the Hangman would have told Fabian the plan before it happened but the way it played out was soooo good.
The return of Mr. Cubby!!!! I was hoping it would be him but man! It was still so awesome to see happen. I wonder if Brennan introduced that family specifically in case the group ever needed to be busted out of jail (a likely need).
“Laws are threats made by the dominant socioeconomic ethnic group of a given nation.”
“You guys wanna make some bacon?”
“That was on fire the whole time? You’re so brave!” Adaine likes adults who aren’t her parents so much.
Riz being like uhhhhh my mom works here.
“To the AV club!”/“It’s been months!”
OK so they took a palimpsest from Bill in this episode. That was there to tip them off that he’s up to something I’m sure, but I feel like that could also turn out to be a Chekov’s gun for next ep. I’m sure the ability to trap someone’s should would be useful in the finale.
S/O to Brennan for his excellent foreshadowing throughout the episode and honestly the whole series.
Siobhan thinking to check the trash folder of his computer was a good move, even if it didn’t end up being the right one.
OK, strap in guys. This is where things get WILD.
Siobhan’s “Oh shit!” when she got halfway down the page of Watches and Wards and then that Harry Potter sounding sting in the background.
(Before I get any further, I love that Adaine’s first thought was well that means my sister isn’t Kal Vaxis because she thinks her sister is the root of all evil).
But WOW. After all the trash talking of the old oracle, it turns out Adaine is the new eleven oracle! And she has been since EPISODE ONE. I almost thought she was gonna be *that* elven oracle because of the questions the cast was asking but nope. It is, as Zac and Siobhan put it, a The Santa Clause situation where the last one dies and someone else gets the job.
Brennan’s faint amusement as they work through that is so good.
You know what’s kinda hilarious in hindsight about that? I said before that, so far, every person Adaine has pegged as trash has ended up being trash of the highest order and an enemy of the party and of course she’s been good at predicting things! She’s the literal oracle.
Am I reading this wrong or is the Religious Studies teacher name Yolanda Badgood?
Also the sheet says “Lunchlad (Official Title)” RIP dude.
Emily low key thinking this is going to be about pay disparity between the races.
Will putting the book back retroactively get rid of anything bad currently cast in school?
Brennan going, “Nothing happens.”/“You see an upside down waste paper basket.” Is such a GM mood. I had a session once where I spent half an hour just saying, “You’re looking at the door,” in various ways.
No one knows what Goldenhoard’s name actually is and it’s the second to last episode.
I feel like Brennan must have gotten forehead/cheek kissed a lot as a child because he’s constantly having NPCs do it. 
Are elves in this setting actually immortal (barring being actually killed) or just long lived? Because Adaine talks like she’s immortal but I wasn’t sure. Anyway, newsflash Adaine. You’ve been mortal this whole campaign! Because apparently, the elven oracle always eventually dies. 
I love that Adaine finally confronted the oracle about sinking on a ship and actually ended up kinda sympathizing with her. I can’t believe this is how that running joke ends.
Fabian at the ghost of the past eleven oracle who’s imparting wisdom on Adaine: Who are you?
Ally: Can I do something weird? (Dude, when do you not?)
Ally mumbling through an inspiring spell as Murph clues in to the paperwork discrepancy that blows the plot twist wide open. And then miming the whole thing in the background as the scene goes on.
“He was mean so I thought that meant he was a good guy.” More stern than mean really but yeah! Same Murph!
You know how you know things are about to get real? When the DM starts letting you do stuff like bust down doors without even rolling for it because there are bigger fish to fry.
The 69 glyphs of binding. Nice.
But in seriousness, Kal Vaxis (apparently it’s spelled Kalvaxus but I can’t be bothered to change that in this post) was apparently trapped by Arthur and bound to work at Aguefort (as Goldenhoard) because…he’s a wildcard I guess. Sidenote, can you imagine what this season might have looked like if Arthur hadn’t died? Or was that always the plan for him to die in some way? Like to resurrect an NPC maybe if the crew hadn’t lost 2 party members.
Man when he said last ep that the girls were going back to school I thought OK that makes sense because it’s the AV computer that Biz used or maybe it’s Penelope. But I totally overlooked teachers.
OK so the binding spell specifically says “as long as I live” and Arthur is dead. So….what does that mean exactly? And this plan seems to have been in motion from before Arthur died. What does that mean? Also, if that wording means he’s freed when Arthur dies, what was Arthur thinking killing himself???? Did he need Kristen to sneak him into heaven so he could talk to Sol and do some scheming or something? AHHHHH I have so many questions.
Also in the binding is a clause about tea. Now, first of all, Arthur, bro. Come on. Second of all, a lawyer really should have looked at that. “I will drink anything you give me”? I work at a law firm. I’m a lowly first year but even I know that’s a terrible thing to put in a contract. I’m sure y'all non lawyers know that too!
Karam-Kajam (the binding spell words) kinda looks like “magic maker” backwards. That doesn’t mean anything. I just wanted y'all to know I was freeze framing every thing that might be a clue.
OK ok ok, so I’ve been saying for a while now (in posts but mainly over chat) that all this bad stuff must be like connected to a central person in service of a central goal but the players were probably all unconnected wild cards acting in self interest. The one thing I couldn’t quite put together was what because these plots have been mainly unconnected. But now, we have it! All the weird things starting a war (by manipulating the harvestmen), getting 7 maidens (by manipulating Biz), and reinstating prom king/queen (by manipulating (?) Penelope and Dayne, also yes! my wild card guess was that prom king/queen was going to be part of a spell or curse or something. Guess it was prophecy but yes! vindication!) are parts of a prophecy on how to bring back Kalvaxis! (Along with him getting his “glittering treasure”?)
But yeah! No wonder it was so hard to put the pieces together! They all connected but only through a prophecy. Good job Bren!
“The sun shall fall from the heavens” is part of the prophecy which makes me think Sol or Helios might be involved in this somehow.
Ally: There are definitely going to be 7 virgins at prom. (That deserved a rim shot).
Good on Murph for making sure none of them were on the virgin list bc that would have been a pain in the ass to find out mid-fight. Also, I KNEW “Where are their bodies” was the question to ask last ep when Biz said they were going back to their bodies.
“Who told you that? An oracle?”
I hope Adaine just uses her oracle status to make sick one liners like, “I predict this is gonna hurt,” before she witchbolts someone. She never does her actual job. 
Adaine who hates her family, righteously indignant: Between our houses and the world, you expect us to choose our houses?
The rest of the group who loves their family: BYEEEEE.
Well, no. Kristen also had reservations before she remembered her brothers existed.
Adaine texting her mom: You should probably leave.
Siobahn and Ally fistbumping over their mutual not caring about their parents.
OK so what’s up with the rat? What’s so important about the rat? And what’s up with Zayne? We still haven’t figured out what’s up with him.
Still not clear on if the crystals trap your physical body or just your spirit and leave your physical body dormant irl.
So that’s how they got rid of the adults for the fight. Nice job again Brennan.
As far as I can tell, Brennan made up this usage of the word palimpsest and I’d never heard of the word before and now I type it so much. Wild.
“I’m calling an Uber. You use the minute to go look at as much shit as you can. Jump in the Uber with me, come to my house. Look Rudolpho will be here in two minutes in a Honda Civic. Use one of those minutes. Go.”
A Knight to Remember. 
They freaking Chitty Chitty Bang Bang to Kristen’s house.
I love how Uber Drivers in this world are still gunning for 5 stars.
OK, time for the most stressful 30 minutes of Fantasy High (so far).
I think the wagering mechanic Brennan used for the fights was brilliant. For each conflict a d20 was rolled. 1-6=epic fail. 7-14=bad but not awful. 15-20=favorable outcome. The twist was that if the person chose to help their family they could give up half their HP and 14 spell levels and he would roll with advantage.
Everyone quickly took that deal except Adaine who truly does not give a damn about her family (and also, reasonably, thought that they wouldn’t even be at home. Idk why they apparently were tbh).
When Emily said, “She’s a complex person and she’s allowed to be,” that was the moment I was like, “Oh yeah. She’s not actually Fig. IRL she knows what’s happening.”
Siobhan uses her divination roll of 18 to save Kristen’s family without having to risk anything but the Ally turns around and decides to take the deal to try and save Adaine’s family WHEN ADAINE DOESN’T EVEN CARE. But it makes sense that Kristen would.
Lou’s monolog as Brennan rolls about how nerve wracking and terrible it is to have no idea what’s going on.
“This is the worst thing I’ve been a part of.”
“I was wondering why my mom visited me and humanized herself and this is exactly why.”
Lou/Fabian: What if my fucking family dies? (F O R E S H A D O W I N G, albeit unknowingly)
Brennan (sagely): It couldn’t have been any other way./Siobhan: It could’ve been!
lol at Adaine trying to trigger that ice cream later wish at their darkest moment (so far). Also, not that I think Brennan ever forgot about it but now I’m for sure it’s gonna come up next ep bc if nothing else that would have reminded him.
OK first up, Fig and her mom.
“Dang they’re already organized with costumes?”
That was so boss, her mom getting revived and then IMMEDIATELY shooting two guys w/ her bow.
Emily LEGIT crying through that scene. The whole room was on an emotional tightrope. You can tell.
Where in the mountains Sandra-Lynn!? I want specifics Sandra-Lynn!!
I love the idea of her jumping out of a window onto a dope griffin’s back. Fig’s mom just bought herself a bunch of spots on my grown-up rankings list.
Ally: THAT WAS NUMBER ONE
Me: SAME.
Next Riz at Strongtower
I knew Sklonda was going to be in the secret room!
I love that apparently Riz can recognize his mom’s gun by hearing it.
I know it was in the promo but Riz’s mom being like, “I was so scared you were gonna ask me to prom” was hysterical.
You just know Sklonda and Agent Angela have been fighting like cats and dogs this past month.
Riz and his mom high fiving. They have the best relationship.
Gorgug and the Thistlesprings
lol, looks like his parents had the easiest time wrecking their intruders.
But based on how it was described as compared to everyone else (bar Fabian–we’re getting there), it sounds like he got pretty dang hurt.
And I guess they have a tank (which they usually use to mow the lawn) and a bomb chest? Wild.
Anyway, if anything had happened to them insert Rosa B99 meme.
“You come to the tree, you better be ready to never fucking leave, you understand?” So boss. (Also, is that a pun?)
Gorgug’s parents launched a satellite while Gorgug was in jail.
Kristen and co.
Kristen’s dad (who is the worst): You think these guys were illegals, what?
Kristen: I’m gonna take the car, byeeee.
Kristen and Adaine bonding over their terrible parents.
I’m Concerned about Kristen’s brothers.
Abernants
They poofed out. Idk why they were still there to begin with.
So the damage they took was supposed to represent the danger the took in their respective fights. Kristen got Adaine’s divination roll meaning her family was fine either way but she did take damage for Adaine’s family. But the fight was already over by the time they got there. So, in story, any injuries sustained must have been from the fight at her house, even though that wasn’t technically the deal.
Anyway, Adaine doesn’t care about her family so let’s not waste any time moving onto
Seacaster manor
Geez
OK, you guys. Let me tell you my buildup to the realization that Bill had to die.
In the first set of episodes, when tone was established, I said to myself, a parent is going to die. I don’t know who, but someone will.
Then, Bill gave them a training montage and I thought, curse of the mentor. He’s going to die. Besides, he’s one of the biggest parental figures and he’s larger than life–perfect for a fall.
Then Sklonda took down the Harvestmen and I briefly shifted my worry to her.
But then Fabian started clashing with Bill. And I remembered all the constant talk of his mortality.
And then, this ep, Brennan made him choose between his mom and dad and I was pretty sure. (sidenote: Fabian yelling at his mom the same ep Adaine said he has a great relationship with his mom. But, like, compared to her, maybe. Also, mean Brennan.)
And then Fabian lost an eye (with a description that still makes me wince) and I KNEW. Once he lost his eye, there was no way Bill could leave the fight alive, thematically.
Honestly, it was a wrap when Fabian played the video from his dad. I was worried he’d die before he got there. 
(It was a low blow, and I credit you that.)
Why were there Harvestmen attacking Fabian’s house and no one elses?
Fabian’s mom just drinking while the house is being raided.
I was so sure the tuxed Harvestman who attacked Fabian was going to turn out to somehow be Daybreak or something. Anyway, it has to come up again. There’s no reason for that level of detail otherwise. And tux sounds like prom attire.
Lou rolls a nat 1 and then rerolls it because he has the lucky trait. What’s funny is just started listening to NADNDPod and Murph (who reminded Lou about the lucky thing) disallowed one of his players from rerolling a nat 1 even w/ the lucky in the last ep I listened to. I don’t remember if the circumstances were different though.
Bill handcuffing himself up to keep fighting. Yikes.
Anyway, ugh that whole death scene. I would write more but this is closing in on 4k words and I’ve been working on this for hours. I just wanna say, that was a perfect way to go out for him. Killing 60 people and then getting stabbed by his son and exploding. So baller (as was Fabian jumping out the window onto his bike and catching Bill’s sword. He has so many cool swords now).
It’s a crime no one does animatics for this show.
We also got a piece of the puzzle. Bill was the one supplying the palimpsests (or at least one of the ones. who was doing it before?) not for an evil reason. Just a chaotic neutral reason of wanting to recapture the glory days. So now we know that.
I mentioned this before but…Fabian is Thor.
“I SHALL LEAP INTO HELL AND KILL THE DEVIL HIMSELF” and Bill Seacaster is dril apparently.
I love Fabian destroying the nice thing Bill said about him to preserve his legacy.
Ally: HE COULD HAVE SURVIVED.
I appreciate so much that Lou knew his character so well that without any hesitation he stabbed Bill and that was the right choice.
Whew, that was a lot.
Also, not that I don’t trust Brennan but it’s wild that Bill, the most thematically appropriate parent to die, was the only one who failed his roll apparently. 
Aww at Zelda’s message to Gorgug. She made him a playlist! So 80’s high school. It gives him a bonus! Also I really wanna know what’s on the list. Like, is it all fantasy rock puns or actual songs? Yay for Brennan giving them cool items for good RPing. 
Live band. Nice.
Emily and Zac both rolled 20’s for initiative for next week’s fight. Hopefully that’s a good omen. We have no way of knowing because THERE’S NO PROMO FOR NEXT WEEK.
AHHHHHHHHHHHH
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
This isn’t edited. This is more than 4000 words. This is so long my computer is about to die. Thank you and goodnight. 
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