#with being closeted whether you're closeted as your gender or assigned sex

[bottomoftheriverbed]

Trans teachers are stronger than any us marine it must be so difficult at the moment I love you.

#if you're out then you risk being a accused of being a groomer and if you're closeted then you have to deal with all the shit that comes #with being closeted whether you're closeted as your gender or assigned sex #i go by she/her and miss when i volunteer in schools because i don't pass as a man and I'm not comfortable introducing myself as anything #else #transgender #trans #trans positivity

[v3x-y0urs3lf]

Love and DeepSpace x closeted trans MC.

Zayne: Okay, Last time I checked him and Mc have known each other for like.. years(?) I feel like he'd know something is off.

Like, Mc looking at their hospital reports that very obviously state (Male/Female) or some sort of ID that states their assigned gender at birth. I feel like he'd notice how focused they are but OF COURSE there isn't really a time or correct place to really talk about that sort of stuff (especially with how busy the two of them are.) and so MC doesn't mention it.

Which leaves Zayne to have to.

The next time the two get some downtime he asks about his suspicions, starting off with something like 'You've been off lately' or 'Have you been alright?' thinking at first it was about 'the attack' or about their job.

I want to say that asking him to call them by a 'nickname' is how this would go just because of the stress of trying to come out but.. I'm not exactly satisfied with that so let's say you actually tell him about what you've been thinking.

First off, Supportive. I don't think (Nor do I want to think) any of the characters are homophobic/transphobic. Zayne is a doctor for gods sake. He is not new to same sex relationships nor the concept of transgender people.

He's actually pretty cool with it (hah, get it?) He just asks whether you've decided on a new name, pronouns and if you're planning on any body modifications (Testosterone, Oestrogen, top surgery, bottom surgery, etc etc.)

I don't think Zayne would be all that knowledgable himself on how to do certain surgeries, but he would totally recommend you to other doctors/surgeons who he knows and trusts to be able to.

ALSO, VERY STRICT ON MAKING SURE YOU'RE NOT OVER-BINDING/TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF AFTER SURGERY. It's either he takes time off to help you recover(surgery) or he's constantly checking in through texts if he can't miss work.

Xavier:

Gonna be honest, don't have too many ideas for him. I want to say he wouldn't exactly bat an eye at anything Zayne would think was 'SUPER OBVIOUS' hints. He'd notice if you suddenly took on a new 'nickname' or if you started asking everyone else to call you by said 'nickname' and notice if you suddenly cut your hair/started growing out your hair.

He just wouldn't notice certain things like trying to dress closer to your preferred gender or if your voice started to gradually change (Whether it's from hormone supplements or vocal therapy.).. or he would and just wouldn't ask because 1. Those are pretty normal and tame things or 2. Because it's a gradual change and he just doesn't question it.

It's not until he thinks about it a little longer, let's say he's focusing on you that he starts to notice all the little things he missed. The way you've overall grown as a person and taken a liking to being seen as more feminine/androgynous/masculine.

I don't think he'd ask you directly, instead wait for you to bring it up to him. He doesn't want to overwhelm you or make you uncomfortable so.. he waits until you're ready. It's not like it isn't you just because you're finding out your gender after all.

I don't know how knowledgable he'd be on transgender people but he's definitely supportive. You could literally just tell him "I'm a ___, please call me __ and use __/__" and he'd just give you a thumbs up and continue about his day.

Raphael:

.

..

After Zayne I just got 0 ideas but I want to try and fit everyone in this so..

I want to say he'd notice certain changes like if you started growing out your hair, cut your hair, your voice was changing, etc.. thing is he'd forget and just think it was a normal. As in 'your voice was always that high' or 'you always dressed that way.'

If you started asking other people to start using certain 'Nicknames' then I'd imagine he'd start to notice after a while, He'd also be pretty annoyed if it was a name that he originally thought was just an 'us thing'. y'know? But he'd get even more annoyed and jealous if you got everyone else BUT him to start using different names for you, like, How DARE you? Did the two of you not have something special?

I don't think he'd notice if you started presenting differently(Dressing/acting more feminine/Masculine/androgynous.) and if he did then he wouldn't mention it. So what? you're just exploring different styles. That's fine.

It's not that he doesn't know what transgender people are / anything about queer people but he just.. doesn't really care? Like, He cares about you. Yes.

But your gender doesn't play into your worth.. why would he care? He'll respect your pronouns and decisions for yourself but unless you come out to him then he might not be too present in your transition.

He would try to help out with recovery, though. You might have to tease and pester him about it but at the end of the day, he cares and doesn't want you to hurt yourself by doing something you aren't supposed to during recovery.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I feel the need to mention I haven't finished the story, I mainly got most of the plot of tiktok and stuff but I really like the game.

This is in no disrespect to the original mc, I understand the game was originated in China so we're more than likely not going to get any queer rep from this one.

I also wanted to add Tara and Caleb, I just got incrediblyyy lazy. Sorry.

Again. Sorry if these characters seem mischaracterised at all, This is just how I viewed them.

#love and deepspace x reader #rafayel love and deepspace x reader #zayne love and deepspace x reader #xavier love and deepspace x reader

[aceing-on-the-cake]

I think people need to stop associating queerness with actions people do or do not do actually.

Having sex with someone of a certain gender does not inherently mean you are attracted to said gender. If it did, then lesbians would never come out later in life, but they do, and they're still lesbians no matter how many men they fuck.

This also means, yes, a straight man, can suck a dick and try out being gay, and decide and realize he's straight, and you all need to stop trying to pull him out of a closet he's not actually inside.

A trans woman is a woman no matter how she decides to perform femininity. She has just as much right to not wear makeup, and not shave, and still be a woman just as any other CIS woman would.

Trans men do not need to go on hormones. They don't need to dress particularly masculine, and they are still just as much a guy in a dress as any other cis guy.

People are allowed to experiment and try things with their gender and with their sexuality and decide nope that's not me, and the things they tried out don't make them anymore or less whatever identity they declare themselves as. Even if that identity is as an allocishetero person.

Queerness at its core is about breaking and not following heteronormative and amatonormative societal ideals. One of the ways in which you break those ideals and refuse to perform by them, is to use labels regardless of the actions you yourself personally take.

If you don't understand someone else's identity and labels they choose to use, it really doesn't matter. It's not your identity or labels.

If you don't understand a set of pronouns somebody uses whether it's something as complicated as neopronouns or a non-binary person using the pronouns normally associated with their assigned gender at birth, it doesn't matter. You're not the ones using those pronouns for yourself.

You don't have to understand something to respect it. You do not have to agree with the way someone defines themselves to respect it. Stop policing other people's queerness.

#discussion #queer shit #queer analysis #lgbtq #lgbtqia #trans #transgender #amatonormativity #heteronormativity #cisheteronormativity

[canichangemyblogname]

With about five days left of Pride Month, I want people to keep something in mind going forward: supporting queer rights in the public and political sphere does not mean you have created a safe and welcoming environment for queer people, especially in private spheres.

Glass closet jokes, implying real people can "queerbait," discourse around whether "straights" can be at pride, and comments like "are you sure you're not just a [insert any identity other than queer]" make personal spaces inhospitable to queerness and personal expression.

Glass closet jokes are often made at the expense of people who are gender non-conforming in some fashion. They reinforce stereotypes and gendered norms. People point to "stereotypical behavior" for evidence that they knew you were queer and, in the process, reinforce queerphobic ideas about how queer people act and present themselves. EX 1: me being told, "The closet is glass. I mean, you dress like a lesbian." Explain to me how a lesbian dresses without relying on misogynistic gender norms and lesbophobic stereotypes of queer women. EX 2: my (straight male) friend being told, "You paint your nails? Shit, there's no closet at this point. Just come out, bro." Explain to me how painting nails is gay without using gender norms to police men's self-expression and without resorting to queerphobic stereotypes. People need to do more to unlearn the idea that personal fashion taste is evidence of queerness.

Implying that real people can queerbait also polices self-expression. Real people might be closeted. Real people might be cis het and gender non-conforming. Real people will resist categorization and classification. Real people will not fit perfectly into societal ideas on how a man or woman should dress or present themselves. And real people should not feel pressured to present as the most stereotypical version of their assigned gender or "straightness," lest they be bombarded with people critiquing their choices and spamming their photos with comments that read "egg moment" or "deNile is not just a river in Egypt" or "I know something you don't 🧚‍♀️ 💅." These types of comments are all just repackaged homophobia and transphobia. No one owes you coming out, and no one owes you conformity.

Discourse around whether "straights" can be at pride similarly ignores how some people are closeted and how queer people aren't going to act as how you think queer people "should." Recently, I saw a TikTok video of a pride event where a seemingly well-meaning individual was telling cis het people that they should not be at pride, all while videoing "couples" she assumed were "straight." First, don't video people without their consent. Second, this ignores the fact that there are queer people who date queer people of the opposite gender. For example, m/f bi couples and T4T couples exist. Third, this ignores the fact that there are gender non-conforming trans people. Trans people do not owe you SRS or HRT, or gender conformity. Fourth, this also ignores how there are gender non-conforming people in wLw and mLm relationships who often get mistaken for the opposite sex.

(EDIT: There is a conversation to be had between queer people about how LGBTQ+ safe spaces are becoming popular spots for people who are often offended by queerness or the assumption they might be queer. That conversation does not revolve around what I was critiquing here. That conversation instead revolves around how these are safe spaces, so if you don't like queerness, if queerness makes you uncomfortable, and if you are made uneasy by the assumption you might be queer in a queer space, then leave these spaces alone. I can personally attest that no one is offended by- say- an "ally" [me before I was out] sitting in a gay bar because they are their friends' designated driver.)

"Are you sure" questions straight-up invalidate an individual's identity. When someone "comes out" to you, it's not because they have just made a huge, new revelation about themselves or are possibly still unsure of themselves. Rather, it means they have deemed you safe enough to know about their identity or sexuality. They already knew this about themselves and likely have for some time. There is a good chance others know this about them, too. You are neither the first nor the last person they will tell. I have been asked by cis queers and cis hets alike, "Are you sure you're not just a woman who just hates femininity?" Yes. My gender and sexuality are not a result of what I wear or how "masculine" I am. And who said I hate femininity?

#LGBTQ+ #queer #pride #thank you for coming to my TedTalk

[astraltrickster]

I think the thing that's really interesting about the egg joke phenomenon is that...it speaks of a very SPECIFIC trans experience. Not an invalid one, but an EXTREMELY specific one. The overwhelming majority of people I see insisting on saying it are fairly gender-conforming, pretty young, mostly white, probably-more-online-than-average trans people.

Even when it's not explicitly claiming that any gender nonconformity will eventually "go all the way" - that any man who paints his nails is secretly a binary woman deep down, she/her exclusively, or that any woman who likes cars and keeps her hair short and finds her tits inconvenient is totally gonna be a binary man in 5 years - there's still the assumption that everyone who ends up playing with gender is gonna identify as A Little Bit Trans, and probably start taking hormones, and that's a neutral to good thing...

And, I can see how that SOUNDS like a progressive thing to say, when you spend a lot of time in certain online queer communities, where "trans people don't owe you perfect conformity to their actual gender" is almost as widely accepted as "the earth is fucking round", but internalized bias makes a lot of people still act like suspicion of being queer is some kind accusation of wrongdoing. I mean, hell, we're getting past the "born this way" narrative and talking more about how yes, SOME of queerness is about deep-seated identity, but SOME of it is also about pushing back against unjust social constructs, and that lowering the stakes of exploration will eventually make more people identify with queerness, and that's just a neutral statement of fact - by THAT definition, it's totally understandable where the jokes come from.

Problem is, most of the people pushing back against them AREN'T cis people insisting that "nooooo, it's MEAN to even IMAGINE that someone might be a FREAK like YOU"; they're OTHER TRANS AND NONBINARY PEOPLE pointing out how this can reinforce stereotypes that have been used against US. Who have been gatekept from actual medical transition because, just like the person you're calling totally an egg, we DIDN'T reject every single thing that brought us joy but wasn't wrapped up in the right pink or blue wrapper. Who have had their identities denied even within the community because, like, okay, but you NEED to pick a side you're closer to because we NEED to know how to pigeonhole you, on an individual level, within our theory of your societal privilege that other people constructed on a demographic-wide level and explicitly CAN'T apply the same way to every single individual ever, in large part specifically because of people who lie outside the framework-

And we cannot tell at a glance whether you mean it in that understandable sense, or the gender-policing sense that's queerphobic, misogynistic, usually even straight-up racist garbage used to demand men constantly prove themselves by aggressive repression of every emotion but rage, and gets butches attacked by terfs and their conservative Christofascist BFFs for "violating the sanctity of women's restrooms", or somewhere else on the spectrum such that CONSCIOUSLY you mean it in the understandable sense but you still have a good bit of subconscious internalized gender essentialism that you've just assigned to taste instead of body parts.

And YOU cannot tell at a glance if the "egg" you just spotted really is as cis as you think they are - they might very well be trans in the OPPOSITE direction, or some other totally different way than you're "predicting" them to be, and so you're functionally repeating the exact same "ugh, you're wearing pink, look at this faggot, man card REVOKED lmao // nooooo, you'll ALWAYS be your birth sex deep down, the fact that you don't hate EVERYTHING associated with it and can't shake that mannerism learned over a lifetime on day 1 out of the closet PROVES it" that's been thrown at us all the fucking time to deny us anything from social support to actual literal medical care.

In short, look, go ahead and make those jokes, but please do it in a constrained space where people are all known to be on the same page as you. There ARE valid reasons not to fucking want to hear people speculating openly about random strangers' private lives and deliberately misgendering them for a joke.

#internet culture #internet etiquette #serious tag #side note i hate how its ALSO impossible to differentiate at a glance between people who say ''trans and nonbinary'' #to INCLUDE nonbinary people who DON'T identify as trans #and people who say it to EXCLUDE nonbinary people who DO #i mean it in the former sense #to be 100000% clear #look im a little sick and i just saw a post about it and just ugh i hate the semantic gap #i wish we could communicate ideas telepathically

[messengerhermes]

So I wrote this as an agreement reblog on a post going around about the ways events branding themselves as "women and nonbinary folks" only is a great way gender essentialists show their ass and shove half of nonbinaries into the "woman-lite" lane and the other half into "you better jump this hurdle in 6-inch heels if you want to be treated with basic human decency. and not called a faker." It got really long. So now it's its own post because I'm not a monster about to word vomit on some innocent human's post. So here we go: Y'all, I have known and loved many nonbinary folks who were read by the world as cis men and struggled to be open about being nonbinary even in queer spaces due to social expectations about gender performance.

It sucks ass and when spaces do the "women and nonbinary folks" thing, it shows that you don't think of nonbinary folks as separating from the gender binary--you think of us as the Light version of whatever our forcibly assigned birth sex's corresponding gender is.

And the thing that suck on top of all this is, it forces nonbinary folks to hold a really firm line centered on stripping away our assigned genders at birth, lest the world shove us right back into the binary gender buckets we were assigned to or prod us to leap into the other bucket to prove our transness/gender variance.

And frankly, I hate this as a nonbinary person, because it eliminates the nuances of nonbinary experience, which makes navigating the world that much more irritating and at times dangerous.

I was assigned female at birth and raised as a girl until I was 19 and figured my shit out. I could have the exact same definition of my gender as another nonbinary person. We could have all the exact same identity markers in everything else too: age, geolocation, class, race, body type, disabilities, sexual orientation, et al. Except. They were assigned male at birth and raised as a boy until they were 19 and figured their shit out.

And that will shape the confusion, trauma, and social journey they experience as a nonbinary person in a fundamentally different way than how my experiences being dumped in the girlbox shaped mine.

Gender conditioning is horrifyingly rigid and intense, and there are different rules depending on which gender box you were dropped in, and the rules in those gender boxes vary depending on whether your culture was colonized by white western imperialism or not, where you're living, and all the other aforementioned identity categories you have. This shit is messy and deep and wild and realizing that you are nonbinary, in whatever flavor of that word is your truth does not instantaneously erase decades of socialization and all the nasty baggage that can come with it.

But nonbinary people can't talk about that shit, because then it gets wielded against those of us deigned too close to being men, or simply just forever tainted because once, somewhere at some point in their life, they were hinged to the concept of manhood without their consent. This once again drives folks who are amab (or assumed amab at birth, gatekeepers are frankly terrible at actually guessing this accurately) to hyper perform whatever the latest social cues for Proper Nonbinariness are to protect themselves. Or it just drives folks completely away from community and deep into the closet because they feel like they will never be accepted.

Likewise, those of us assumed to have crawled out of the girlbox are treated as "The Other Good Gender uwu" which is a ghoulish mix gender essentialism and infantilization. Or we hyper perform the latest social cues for Proper Nonbinariness to avoid people huffing and rolling their eyes when we point out them screwing up our pronouns because clearly we are doing this for some kind of Social Attention or are just pretending because it's cool and trendy to be "they/them," "Ze/Hir," "What do you mean there are other nonbinary pronouns? Are you just making up words now?? What the fuck is 'ey/em, are you Popeye?"

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, bringing it back now y'all.

TLDR: Nonbinary folks benefit greatly from getting to publicly talk about the ways our birth-assigned genders shaped our initial worldviews, because even as a harmful environment hurts us we will still pick up values and beliefs from that environment because that's how the fucking soup works, and how realizing our gender opened up the opportunities to unlearn the gendered lenses we're trained to understand the world through. Frankly, I think we could do a fucking lot for society if we could share these experiences without gender essentialists latching onto whatever we say and warping it to suit their own purposes.

#ohhh I may delete this tomorrow #I am not sober enough to feel confident I didn't just waltz away from my point mid thought about three times in a row #but hey turn left enough and you end up making a right sooo #nonbinary #genderqueer #queer theory #queer identity #gender essentialism #look I just wanna talk both the practical and theoretical experience of gender with other nonbinary folks #without it being used by cis folks as a way to strip away the real emotion and trauma of our experience into a magical philosophy talk #like fuck #nonbinary people are not your unicorns we do not have to bring whimsy into your life with our artful appearance in order to basic respect

[autismserenity]

from the unholy alliance for gender deviants

that's a Facebook account that my partner is apparently following, that transcribed and posted the following Twitter thread by @nightlingbug.

(I do wish it didn't just drop "sex is a spectrum" in there at the end without addressing that most people think of that as being about intersex people, and that that's not the same thing as being trans, and comes with some similar and some really different shit. But my partner's intersex, so I'm going with boosting this for the important body shit.)

Here's the Medium article:

Here's their transcription:

"The understanding of

(a) what constitutes gender dysphoria

(b) how to recognize it

(c) how trans people know they're trans

(d) what transitioning entails

(e) what hormones can do

that you absorbed through cultural osmosis?

It's all wrong.

(a-c) my personal experience:

I didn't recognize my perpetual misery and discomfort as gender dysphoria. I'd absorbed the narrative that most transgender people "know" they're transgender from a very young age. I thought that, if I was transgender, I'd have already transitioned.

(a-c) my personal experience:

The longer I'm out of the closet, the more repressed memories, feelings and signs I can add to the jigsaw puzzle.

But I could have passed a polygraph test claiming that I was cis.

How do you learn something you're hiding from yourself out of fear?

(a-c) diagnosis:

Pop culture thinks it understands gender dysphoria-- as an obvious discomfort with your body, and your social gender role.

But you exist in your body 24/7. You learn coping mechanisms, and the misery blends right into the background.

(a-c) diagnosis:

What pop culture (and, honestly, the mental health profession) DOESN'T understand is that gender dysphoria is often comorbid with depersonalization or derealization-- the sensation that you or your experiences are "not real" somehow.

(a-c) diagnosis:

I'm going to link to an article about depersonalization, here, that helped me break out of the line of thinking that transition wouldn't help my mental state. And here's a snippet from that article-- see if anything resonates with you.

Depersonalization in gender dysphoria: widespread and widely unrecognized

I’m going to list some descriptions of certain feelings, and I’d like for any trans or gender-questioning readers to think about whether they’ve felt anything similar to this over the course of…

https://medium.com/@zinniajones/depersonalization-in-gender-dysphoria-widespread-and-widely-unrecognized-baaac395bcb0

(a-c) diagnosis:

I used to describe myself as having "high functioning depression," because I knew how to socially simulate all of the normal emotions as long as someone was watching, but on my own, my marionette strings went slack. I didn't do or want anything for myself.

(c) non-dysphoric trans people:

Some people figure out that they'd be happier with a different gender, but don't really experience dysphoria. It's not my experience, but I can't think of a single reason they shouldn't transition, too, if they want to, except for cissexism.

(c) "knowing" you're trans:

Some people have one "aha!" moment, but most of the transfeminine people I've talked to experienced a series of "oh my god what if-- no, it can't be" moments, where they confronted their transness and then rationalized it away.

(c) "knowing" you're trans:

Some extremely common feelings we all felt alone in:

-the ability to cope with your assigned gender makes you 'not really trans' because a 'real' trans person wouldn't be able to cope

-a lack of motivation to overcome transition hurdles makes you 'not really trans', because a 'real' trans person would be extremely motivated to transition

-just wanting to be a cis person of the other gender, NOT a trans person of the other gender

-guilt over 'minimizing' the suffering of 'real trans people' by even thinking you might be trans

-guilt over 'minimizing' the suffering of women under patriarchy by thinking you'd prefer to be one

-fear of telling anyone you might be trans, or especially of transitioning, and then discovering you're not, and the shame of having to "roll back" the revelation

^^^^^

All of these fears are super normal and common for trans people, keeping them in the closet.

There are a lot of different trans narratives-- some people really do yell "I'm not an X, I'm a Y!" as toddlers and effectively self-advocate somehow?

But I don't think there's much representation for (the majority of?) trans people who took a long time to self-realize.

(d) what transitioning entails

In whatever shitty sitcom you watched in the 90s/00s, when a character transitioned, they did it with a single "sex change operation."

Interviewers always ask trans people: "Have you had ~the surgery~?"

Surgery's often not even involved, gang!

(d) transitioning non-medically

First of all, I know lots of nonbinary people and several binary-trans people who've transitioned without medical intervention. They needed to be socially recognized for who they are, and to present themselves that way, and that's all.

(d) transitioning medically

For transmasculine people, getting a mastectomy (or "top surgery") to remove their breasts is often the central medical intervention involved in transitioning.

But for transfeminine people, just hormones by themselves might be enough!

(d-e) hormones and medical transition

HRT (hormone replacement therapy, swapping out testosterone for estrogen or vice versa) does an *astonishing* amount of the heavy lifting. They're two tiny chemicals that control 99% of what we think of as maleness or femaleness.

(d-e) hormones and medical transition

Hormones can do *so much* that, after being on them for a few years, many trans women find surgery to be unnecessary.

But for those whose dysphoria is still strong, there are THEN surgeries to bring them the rest of the way into alignment.

(d) transitioning medically

But the assumption that you're not "finished" transitioning until you entirely resemble a cis person of your gender is cissexist.

The goal is to escape dysphoria and to be yourself, not to emulate someone else.

There's so much more about transition that's just not understood by anyone who hasn't done it, but everything basically fits under these headings:

-Sex and gender are spectrums

-Trans people are much closer to cis people of their gender on those spectrums than you think

I always struggle with whether or not to write more about sex and HRT in these threads, because I'm an easily embarrassed prude and not a sexpert, but also, everyone shoulda learned this stuff in sex ed...

For tonight, I think that last tweet sums it up, though."

"Copied from the tweets, link below.

~Garnett"

[constellations-and-energy]

Hey! So I seen your request about wanting to know what people would like to see. I also seen you know quite a bit about the LGBT community and I am an ally. I've noticed in recent months there are quite a few abbreviations I havent heard (most recent being 'ace') and I was wondering if you're willing to explain some of those abbreviations when mentioning them? I'm trying to keep up but I feel like I'm not understanding a lot because of this. Thanks love! (If you can't I totally understand)

Of course! I can do that for you in this post!

I got this list from this site

Btw, agender, aromantic, and asexual all fall under the category of “ace”! 

agender – adj. : a person with no (or very little) connection to the traditional system of gender, no personal alignment with the concepts of either man or woman, and/or someone who sees themselves as existing without gender. Sometimes called gender neutrois, gender neutral, or genderless.advocate – 1 noun : a person who actively works to end intolerance, educate others, and support social equity for a marginalized group. 2verb to actively support/plea in favor of a particular cause, the action of working to end intolerance, educate others, etc.

ally /“al-lie”/ – noun : a (typically straight and/or cisgender) person who supports and respects members of the LGBTQ community.  We consider people to be active allies who take action on in support and respect.

“Coming out” as an ally is when you reveal (or take an action that reveals) your support of the LGBTQ community. Being an active supporter can, at times, be stigmatizing, though it is not usually recognized, many allies go through a “coming out process” of their own.

androgyny/ous /“an-jrah-jun-ee”; “an-jrah-jun-uss”/ – adj. : 1 a gender expression that has elements of both masculinity and femininity; 2 occasionally used in place of “intersex” to describe a person with both female and male anatomy.

androsexual / androphilic – adj. : being primarily sexually, romantically and/or emotionally attracted to some men, males, and/or masculinity.

aromantic – adj. : experiencing little or no romantic attraction to others and/or has a lack of interest in romantic relationships/behavior. Aromanticism exists on a continuum from people who experience no romantic attraction or have any desire for romantic activities, to those who experience low levels, or romantic attraction only under specific conditions, and many of these different places on the continuum have their own identity labels (see demiromantic). Sometimes abbreviated to “aro” (pronounced like “arrow”).

asexual – adj. : experiencing little or no sexual attraction to others and/or a lack of interest in sexual relationships/behavior.  Asexuality exists on a continuum from people who experience no sexual attraction or have any desire for sex, to those who experience low levels, or sexual attraction only under specific conditions, and many of these different places on the continuum have their own identity labels (see demisexual). Sometimes abbreviated to “ace.”

Asexuality is different from celibacy in that it is a sexual orientation whereas celibacy is an abstaining from a certain action.

Not all asexual people are aromantic.

bigender – adj. : a person who fluctuates between traditionally “woman” and “man” gender-based behavior and identities, identifying with both genders (and sometimes a third gender).

bicurious – adj. : a curiosity about having attraction to people of the same gender/sex (similar to questioning).

biological sex – noun : a medical term used to refer to the chromosomal, hormonal and anatomical characteristics that are used to classify an individual as female or male or intersex. Often referred to as simply “sex,” “physical sex,” “anatomical sex,” or specifically as “sex assigned at birth.”

Often seen as a binary but as there are many combinations of chromosomes, hormones, and primary/secondary sex characteristics, it’s more accurate to view this as a spectrum (which is more inclusive of intersex people as well as trans*-identified people).* – Is commonly conflated with gender.

biphobia – noun : a range of negative attitudes (e.g., fear, anger, intolerance, invisibility, resentment, erasure, or discomfort) that one may have or express towards bisexual individuals. Biphobia can come from and be seen within the LGBTQ community as well as straight society. Biphobic – adj. : a word used to describe an individual who harbors some elements of this range of negative attitudes towards bisexual people.

Example of bi-invisibility and bi-erasure would be the assumption that any man in a relationship with a woman is straight or anyone dating someone of the same gender means you’re gay. In neither case do we assume anyone could be bisexual.

Really important to recognize that many of our “stereotypes” of bisexual people – they’re overly sexual, greedy, it’s just a phase – have harmful and stigmatizing effects (and that gay, straight, and many other queer individuals harbor these beliefs too).

bisexual – adj. : 1 a person who is emotionally, physically, and/or sexually attracted to males/men and females/women. 2 a person who is emotionally, physically, and/or sexually attracted to people of their gender and another gender . This attraction does not have to be equally split or indicate a level of interest that is the same across the genders or sexes an individual may be attracted to.

Can simply be shortened to “bi.”

Many people who recognize the limitations of a binary understanding of gender may still use the word bisexual as their sexual orientation label, this is often because many people are familiar with the term bisexual (while less are familiar to the term pansexual).

butch – noun & adj. a person who identifies themselves as masculine, whether it be physically, mentally or emotionally. ‘Butch’ is sometimes used as a derogatory term for lesbians, but is also be claimed as an affirmative identity label.

cisgender /“siss-jendur”/ – adj. : a person whose gender identity and biological sex assigned at birth align (e.g., man and assigned male at birth). A simple way to think about it is if a person is not transgender, they are cisgender. The word cisgender can also be shortened to “cis.”

“Cis” is a latin prefix that means “on the same side [as]” or “on this side [of].”

cissexism – noun : behavior that grants preferential treatment to cisgender people, reinforces the idea that being cisgender is somehow better or more “right” than being transgender, and/or makes other genders invisible.

cisnormativity – noun : the assumption, in individuals or in institutions, that everyone is cisgender, and that cisgender identities are superior to trans* identities or people. Leads to invisibility of non-cisgender identities.

closeted – adj. : an individual who is not open to themselves or others about their (queer) sexuality or gender identity. This may be by choice and/or for other reasons such as fear for one’s safety, peer or family rejection or disapproval and/or loss of housing, job, etc. Also known as being “in the closet.” When someone chooses to break this silence they “come out” of the closet. (See coming out)

coming Out – 1 the process by which one accepts and/or comes to identify one’s own sexuality or gender identity (to “come out” to oneself). 2 The process by which one shares one’s sexuality or gender identity with others (to “come out” to friends, etc.).

This is a continual, life-long process. Everyday, all the time, one has to evaluate and re-evaluate who they are comfortable coming out to, if it is safe, and what the consequences might be.

constellation – noun : a way to describe the arrangement or structure of a polyamorous relationship.  

cross-dresser – noun : someone who wears clothes of another gender/sex.

demiromantic – adj. : little or no capacity to experience romantic attraction until a strong sexual or emotional connection is formed with another individual, often within a sexual relationship.

demisexual – adj. : little or no capacity to experience sexual attraction until a strong romantic or emotional connection is formed with another individual, often within a romantic relationship.

down low – adj. : typically referring to men who identify as straight but who secretly have sex with men. Down low (or DL) originated in, and is most commonly used by communities of color.

drag king – noun : someone who performs masculinity theatrically.

drag queen – noun : someone who performs femininity theatrically.

dyke – noun : referring to a masculine presenting lesbian. While often used derogatorily, it can is adopted affirmatively by many lesbians (both more masculine and more feminine presenting lesbians  not necessarily masculine ones) as a positive self-identity term.

emotional attraction – noun : a capacity that evokes the want to engage in romantic intimate behavior (e.g., sharing, confiding, trusting, interdepending), experienced in varying degrees (from little-to-none, to intense). Often conflated with sexual attraction, romantic attraction, and/or spiritual attraction.

fag(got) – noun : derogatory term referring to a gay person, or someone perceived as queer. Occasionally used as an self-identifying affirming term by some gay men, at times in the shortened form ‘fag’.

feminine-of-center; masculine-of-center – adj. : a word that indicates a range of terms of gender identity and gender presentation for folks who present, understand themselves, and/or relate to others in a more feminine/masculine way, but don’t necessarily identify as women/men.  Feminine-of-center individuals may also identify as femme, submissive, transfeminine, etc.; masculine-of-center individuals may also often identify as butch, stud, aggressive, boi, transmasculine, etc.

feminine-presenting; masculine-presenting – adj. : a way to describe someone who expresses gender in a more feminine/masculine way. Often confused with feminine-of-center/masculine-of-center, which generally include a focus on identity as well as expression.

femme – (noun & adj) someone who identifies themselves as feminine, whether it be physically, mentally or emotionally. Often used to refer to a feminine-presenting queer woman.

fluid(ity) – adj. : generally with another term attached, like gender-fluid or fluid-sexuality, fluid(ity) describes an identity that may change or shift over time between or within the mix of the options available (e.g., man and woman, bi and straight).

FtM / F2M; MtF / M2F – abbreviation : female-to-male transgender or transsexual person; male-to-female transgender or transsexual person.

gay – adj. : : : 1 individuals who are primarily emotionally, physically, and/or sexually attracted to members of the same sex and/or gender. More commonly used when referring to men who are attracted to other men, but can be applied to women as well. 2 An umbrella term used to refer to the queer community as a whole, or as an individual identity label for anyone who does not identify as heterosexual.

“Gay” is a word that’s had many different meanings throughout time. In the 12th century is meant “happy,” in the 17th century it was more commonly used to mean “immoral” (describing a loose and pleasure-seeking person), and by the 19th it meant a female prostitute (and a “gay man” was a guy who had sex with female prostitutes a lot). It wasn’t until the 20th century that it started to mean what it means today. Interesting, right?

gender binary – noun : the idea that there are only two genders and that every person is one of those two.

gender expression – noun : the external display of one’s gender, through a combination of dress, demeanor, social behavior, and other factors, generally made sense of on scales of masculinity and femininity. Also referred to as “gender presentation.”

gender fluid– adj. : : gender fluid is a gender identity best described as a dynamic mix of boy and girl. A person who is gender fluid may always feel like a mix of the two traditional genders, but may feel more man some days, and more woman other days.

gender identity – noun : the internal perception of an one’s gender, and how they label themselves, based on how much they align or don’t align with what they understand their options for gender to be. Common identity labels include man, woman, genderqueer, trans, and more. Often confused with biological sex, or sex assigned at birth.

gender neutrois – adj. : see agender.

gender non-conforming – adj. : 1 a gender expression descriptor that indicates a non-traditional gender presentation (masculine woman or feminine man) 2 a gender identity label that indicates a person who identifies outside of the gender binary. Often abbreviated as “GNC.”

gender normative / gender straight – adj. : someone whose gender presentation, whether by nature or by choice, aligns with society’s gender-based expectations.

genderqueer – adj. : a gender identity label often used by people who do not identify with the binary of man/woman; or as an umbrella term for many gender non-conforming or non-binary identities (e.g., agender, bigender, genderfluid).  

may combine aspects man and woman and other identities (bigender, pangender);

not having a gender or identifying with a gender (genderless, agender);

moving between genders (genderfluid);

third gender or other-gendered; includes those who do not place a name to their gender having an overlap of, or blurred lines between, gender identity and sexual and romantic orientation.

gender variant – adj. : someone who either by nature or by choice does not conform to gender-based expectations of society (e.g. transgender, transsexual, intersex, gender-queer, cross-dresser, etc).

gynesexual / gynephilic /“guy-nuh-seks-shu-uhl”/ – adj. : being primarily sexually, romantically and/or emotionally attracted to some woman, females, and/or femininity.

heteronormativity – noun : the assumption, in individuals or in institutions, that everyone is heterosexual (e.g. asking a woman if she has a boyfriend) and that heterosexuality is superior to all other sexualities. Leads to invisibility and stigmatizing of other sexualities. Heteronormativity also leads us to assume that only masculine men and feminine women are straight.

hermaphrodite – noun : an outdated medical term previously used to refer to someone who was born with some combination of typically-male and typically-female sex characteristics. It’s considered stigmatizing and inaccurate. See intersex.

heteronormativity – noun : the assumption, in individuals and/or in institutions, that everyone is heterosexual and that heterosexuality is superior to all other sexualities. Leads to invisibility and stigmatizing of other sexualities: when learning a woman is married, asking her what her husband’s name is. Heteronormativity also leads us to assume that only masculine men and feminine women are straight.

heterosexism – noun : behavior that grants preferential treatment to heterosexual people, reinforces the idea that heterosexuality is somehow better or more “right” than queerness, and/or makes other sexualities invisible.

heterosexual – adj. : a person primarily emotionally, physically, and/or sexually attracted to members of the opposite sex. Also known as straight.

homophobia – noun : an umbrella term for a range of negative attitudes (e.g., fear, anger, intolerance, resentment, erasure, or discomfort) that one may have towards members of LGBTQ community. The term can also connote a fear, disgust, or dislike of being perceived as LGBTQ. Homophobic – adj. : a word used to describe an individual who harbors some elements of this range of negative attitudes towards gay people.

The term can be extended to bisexual and transgender people as well; however, the terms biphobia and transphobia are used to emphasize the specific biases against individuals of bisexual and transgender communities.

May be experienced inwardly by someone who identifies as queer (internalized homophobia).

homosexual – adj. & noun : a person primarily emotionally, physically, and/or sexually attracted to members of the same sex/gender. This [medical] term is considered stigmatizing (particularly as a noun) due to its history as a category of mental illness, and is discouraged for common use (use gay or lesbian instead).

Until 1973 “Homosexuality” was classified as a mental disorder in the DSM Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. This is just one of the reasons that there are such heavy negative and clinical connotations with this term.

There was a study done prior to DADT (Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell) being revoked about peoples’ feelings towards open queer service members. When asked, “How do you feel about open gay and lesbian service members,” there was about 65% support (at the time).” When the question was changed to, “How do you feel about open homosexual service members,” the same demographic of people being asked – support drops over 20%. There are different connotations to the word homosexual than there are to gay/lesbian individuals for both straight and queer people.

intersex – adj. : term for a combination of chromosomes, gonads, hormones, internal sex organs, and genitals that differs from the two expected patterns of male or female. Formerly known as hermaphrodite (or hermaphroditic), but these terms are now outdated and derogatory.

lesbian – noun & adj. women who have the capacity to be attracted romantically, erotically, and/or emotionally to some other women.

LGBTQ; GSM; DSG – abbreviations : shorthand or umbrella terms for all folks who have a non-normative (or queer) gender or sexuality, there are many different initialisms people prefer. LGBTQ is Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender and Queer and/or Questioning (sometimes people at a + at the end in an effort to be more inclusive); GSM is Gender and Sexual Minorities; DSG is Diverse Sexualities and Genders. Other options include the initialism GLBT or LGBT and the acronym QUILTBAG (Queer [or Questioning] Undecided Intersex Lesbian Trans* Bisexual Asexual [or Allied] and Gay [or Genderqueer]).

There is no “correct” initialism or acronym — what is preferred varies by person, region, and often evolves over time.

The efforts to represent more and more identities led to some folks describe the ever-lengthening initialism as “Alphabet Soup,” which was part of the impetus for GSM and DSG.

lipstick lesbian – noun : Usually refers to a lesbian with a feminine gender expression. Can be used in a positive or a derogatory way. Is sometimes also used to refer to a lesbian who is assumed to be (or passes for) straight.

metrosexual – adj. : a man with a strong aesthetic sense who spends more time, energy, or money on his appearance and grooming than is considered gender normative.

MSM / WSW – abbreviations : men who have sex with men or women who have sex with women, to distinguish sexual behaviors from sexual identities: because a man is straight, it doesn’t mean he’s not having sex with men. Often used in the field of HIV/Aids education, prevention, and treatment.

Mx. / “mix” or “schwa” / – an honorific (e.g. Mr., Ms., Mrs., etc.) that is gender neutral.  It is often the option of choice for folks who do not identify within the gender binary: Mx. Smith is a great teacher.

outing – verb : involuntary or unwanted disclosure of another person’s sexual orientation, gender identity, or intersex status.

pansexual – adj. : a person who experiences sexual, romantic, physical, and/or spiritual attraction for members of all gender identities/expressions. Often shortened to “pan.”

passing – adj. & verb : 1 trans* people being accepted as, or able to “pass for,” a member of their self-identified gender identity (regardless of sex assigned at birth) without being identified as trans*. 2 An LGB/queer individual who is believed to be or perceived as straight.

Passing is a controversial term because it often is focusing on the person who is observing or interacting with the individual who is “passing” and puts the power/authority in observer rather than giving agency to the individual.

While some people are looking to “pass” or perhaps more accurately be accepted for the identity that they feel most aligns with who they are “passing” is not always a positive experience.

Some individuals experience a sense of erasure or a feeling of being invisible to their own community when they are perceived to be part of the dominant group.

PGPs – abbreviation : preferred gender pronouns. Often used during introductions, becoming more common in educational institutions. Many suggest removing the “preferred,” because it indicates flexibility and/or the power for the speaker to decide which pronouns to use for someone else.

polyamory / polyamorous – noun, adj. refers to the practice of, desire to, or orientation towards having ethically, honest, and consensual non-monogamous relationships (i.e. relationships that may include multiple partners).  This may include open relationships, polyfidelity (which involves more than two people being in romantic and/or sexual relationships which is not open to additional partners), amongst many other set-ups.

queer – adj. : used as an umbrella term to describe individuals who don’t identify as straight. Also used to describe people who have a non-normative gender identity, or as a political affiliation. Due to its historical use as a derogatory term, it is not embraced or used by all members of the LGBTQ community. The term “queer” can often be use interchangeably with LGBTQ (e.g., “queer folks” instead of “LGBTQ folks”).

If a person tells you they are not comfortable with you referring to them as queer, don’t. Always respect individual’s preferences when it comes to identity labels, particularly contentious ones (or ones with troubled histories) like this.

Use the word queer only if you are comfortable explaining to others what it means, because some people feel uncomfortable with the word, it is best to know/feel comfortable explaining why you choose to use it if someone inquires.

questioning – verb, adj. an individual who or time when someone is unsure about or exploring their own sexual orientation or gender identity.

QPOC / QTPOC – abbreviation : initialisms that stand for queer people of color and queer and/or trans people of color.

romantic attraction – noun : a capacity that evokes the want to engage in romantic intimate behavior (e.g., dating, relationships, marriage), experienced in varying degrees (from little-to-none, to intense). Often conflated with sexual attraction, emotional attraction, and/or spiritual attraction.

same gender loving (SGL) – adj. : sometimes used by some members of the African-American or Black community to express an non-straight sexual orientation without relying on terms and symbols of European descent.

sex assigned at birth (SAAB) – abbreviation : a phrase used to intentionally recognize a person’s assigned sex (not gender identity). Sometimes called “designated sex at birth” (DSAB) or “sex coercively assigned at birth” (SCAB), or specifically used as “assigned male at birth” (AMAB) or “assigned female at birth” (AFAB): Jenny was assigned male at birth, but identifies as a woman.

sexual attraction – noun : a capacity that evokes the want to engage in physical intimate behavior (e.g., kissing, touching, intercourse), experienced in varying degrees (from little-to-none, to intense). Often conflated with romantic attraction, emotional attraction, and/or spiritual attraction.

sexual orientation – noun : the type of sexual, romantic, emotional/spiritual attraction one has the capacity to feel for some others, generally labeled based on the gender relationship between the person and the people they are attracted to. Often confused with sexual preference.

sexual preference – noun : the types of sexual intercourse, stimulation, and gratification one likes to receive and participate in. Generally when this term is used, it is being mistakenly interchanged with “sexual orientation,” creating an illusion that one has a choice (or “preference”) in who they are attracted to.

sex reassignment surgery (SRS) – noun : used by some medical professionals to refer to a group of surgical options that alter a person’s biological sex. “Gender confirmation surgery” is considered by many to be a more affirming term. In most cases, one or multiple surgeries are required to achieve legal recognition of gender variance. Some refer to different surgical procedures as “top” surgery and “bottom” surgery to discuss what type of surgery they are having without having to be more explicit.

skoliosexual – adj. : being primarily sexually, romantically and/or emotionally attracted to some genderqueer, transgender, transsexual, and/or non-binary people.

spiritual attraction – noun : a capacity that evokes the want to engage in intimate behavior based on one’s experience with, interpretation of, or belief in the supernatural (e.g., religious teachings, messages from a deity), experienced in varying degrees (from little-to-none, to intense). Often conflated with sexual attraction, romantic attraction, and/or emotional attraction.

stealth – adj. : a trans person who is not “out” as trans, and is perceived by others as cisgender.

straight – adj. : a person primarily emotionally, physically, and/or sexually attracted to people who are not their same sex/gender. A more colloquial term for the word heterosexual.

stud – noun : most commonly used to indicate a Black/African-American and/or Latina masculine lesbian/queer woman. Also known as ‘butch’ or ‘aggressive’.

third gender – noun : for a person who does not identify with either man or woman, but identifies with another gender. This gender category is used by societies that recognise three or more genders, both contemporary and historic, and is also a conceptual term meaning different things to different people who use it, as a way to move beyond the gender binary.

top surgery – noun : this term refers to surgery for the construction of a male-type chest or breast augmentation for a female-type chest.

trans* – adj. : An umbrella term covering a range of identities that transgress socially defined gender norms.  Trans with an asterisk is often used in written forms (not spoken) to indicate that you are referring to the larger group nature of the term, and specifically including non-binary identities, as well as transgender men (transmen) and transgender women (trans women).

transgender – adj. : A person who lives as a member of a gender other than that assigned at birth based on anatomical sex.

Because sexuality labels (e.g., gay, straight, bi) are generally based on the relationship between the person’s gender and the genders they are attracted to, trans* sexuality can be defined in a couple of ways. Some people may choose to self-identify as straight, gay, bi, lesbian, or pansexual (or others, using their gender identity as a basis), or they might describe their sexuality using other-focused terms like gynesexual, androsexual, or skoliosexual (see full list for definitions for these terms.

A trans* person can be straight, gay, bisexual, queer, or any other sexual orientation.

transition / transitioning – noun, verb this term is primarily used to refer to the process a trans* person undergoes when changing their bodily appearance either to be more congruent with the gender/sex they feel themselves to be and/or to be in harmony with their preferred gender expression.

transman; transwoman – noun : An identity label sometimes adopted by female-to-male transgender people or transsexuals to signify that they are men while still affirming their history as assigned female sex at birth. (sometimes referred to as transguy) 2 Identity label sometimes adopted by male-to-female transsexuals or transgender people to signify that they are women while still affirming their history as assigned male sex at birth.

transphobia – noun : the fear of, discrimination against, or hatred of trans* people, the trans* community, or gender ambiguity. Transphobia can be seen within the queer community, as well as in general society.  Transphobia is often manifested in violent and deadly means. While the exact numbers and percentages aren’t incredibly solid on this, it’s safe to say that trans* people are far more likely than their cisgender peers (including LGB people) to be the victims of violent crimes and murder. Transphobic – adj. : a word used to describe an individual who harbors some elements of this range of negative attitudes, thoughts, intents, towards trans* people.

transsexual – noun and adj. a person who identifies psychologically as a gender/sex other than the one to which they were assigned at birth. Transsexuals often wish to transform their bodies hormonally and surgically to match their inner sense of gender/sex.

transvestite – noun : a person who dresses as the binary opposite gender expression (“cross-dresses”) for any one of many reasons, including relaxation, fun, and sexual gratification (often called a “cross-dresser,” and should not be confused with transsexual).

two-spirit – noun : is an umbrella term traditionally used by Native American people to recognize individuals who possess qualities or fulfill roles of both genders.

ze / zir / “zee”, “zerr” or “zeer”/ – alternate pronouns that are gender neutral and preferred by some trans* people. They replace “he” and “she” and “his” and “hers” respectively. Alternatively some people who are not comfortable/do not embrace he/she use the plural pronoun “they/their” as a gender neutral singular pronoun.

#lgbtq #abbreviation list #lgbtq list