ughwhyislifelikethis

[ughwhyislifelikethis]

Lowkey I really hate that I tend to be right when I have a "something is wrong" niggle. Like. I just know something is off and I try and brush it off as paranoia or overreacting but usually I'm right.

I don't hate that I know so much as I just hate that bad things keep happening to people I care about, really.

#personal #tldr my partner is Going Through Some Shit and i *almost* texted to ask if they were okay bc something felt off. i just sent my normal one- #but she texted me back and answered it without me even asking. #its like having the ability to use the force but only for the Bad Event Prediction lol. not the best.

[ughwhyislifelikethis]

.

#personal #i fucking hate that one fucking thing being said (and its readonable) has sent me into a fucking tailspin from oh i fucked up to #i should just die #reallllly fucking hate that i was boen with a brain that DOESNT WORK RIGHT and i told my therapist today i was fine w/ it but honestly no! #im not! sometimes i really fucking hate having a brain that doesnt get social cues or misses ghat you're causing problems and then #when they ask you to reasoably stop your brain well time to consider yourself a total worthless piexe of shit. #and i fucking hate that i have to say this somwwhere i cant nust keep it to myself nooo it doesnt help if i just keep it in my head i have #to fucking say it somewhere not in my head. #and i fucking hate that it can come across as attention seeking and im not trying to be but what if if i am im just more of a piece of shit #i fucjing hate that my brain doesnt work right and tbat im not noemal or whatever the fhck you want to call it #and i hate that my body doesnt work right and that i feel like a hypochondriac for wondeing if i have joint issues of a specifc type #and maybe it would be better if i just stopped looming into it even though it wouldnt help to do that #but at least that way im less of a bother or less annoying #i fucking hate so much right now #and i hate that my fycking peruod is close to a month late and i know im not pregnant or some shit it just means my body has once again #decided it DOESNT WANT TO DO SHIT PROPERLY and i cant afford a doctor or abything so irs not like i can get answers! #fuck everything.

[ughwhyislifelikethis]

fucking love fucking something up without realizing I fucked it up

#fucking love missing social cues and shit #fucking love that i upset a friend without realizing it was that close to it #fucking hate my lift #personal

[ughwhyislifelikethis]

I might not get to see my girlfriend tommorow and I am now Sad. It's probably bc we're back to twice a week in person visits from me staying up there a whole week and then this past Saturday but I am Sad. I'll see her Monday probably but it's not the same :(.

#personal #not a vent #im just sad

[ughwhyislifelikethis]

Lmao just found out I'm on the 2nd Blocklist. I'm still stunned that I made it on there considering all I do here is vent and I'm very explicitly clear who I am and am not talking about.

If you're coming because of the blocklist, yep, I do believe in the existence of transandrophobia, have experienced some bits of it myself, and would like to politely be left alone if you're here to harass me about it. If you're here because you would also like to be able to talk about it in peace, welcome :).

I'm just a dude making his way through life, and occasionally people are shitty enough for me to desire a place to get it out. Here is that place.

#trans guy #trans #u g h

[ughwhyislifelikethis]

My girlfriend may or may not have covid again (which sucks she's had allll of the strains so far it she does) and I miss her a lot, I'm worried about her, and I really wish I could give her a hug and just cuddle with her and forget everything at the moment :(.

#personal #i love her imensely and miss her but i want her to get better soon #i hate that covid seems to like her even when she's being safe about things

[ughwhyislifelikethis]

My dad can't get his head around labels and "doesn't understand why we have to force ourselves into them" and "if you're born a girl you're born a girl" but "wants me to me be me" but my figure skating coach can apologize for calling me ma'am and surprising me with that despite knowing nothing about trans people except for me and me maybe mentioning it once several months back.

look I'm glad my dad "has no issue/sees nothing wrong" with being "gender nonconforming" (in his view) and that I'm not having to hide that I use he/him outside the house and that he basically knows but I hate having to "reassure" him im not getting surgery bc it's expensive and unattainable anyways and hormones for the same reason. I just wish he'd try a tiny, tiny bit harder and stop calling me girl.

I'm not obsessing over labels but the one you're trying to force on me and saying it's not one is going to break me, daddy.

#vent #trans guy #transphobia #and like it was sorta a coming out but also not really #i cant ever truly be as open as i want to be about being queer in any way #but its fine whatever

[ughwhyislifelikethis]

queer trans love can be sending your girlfriend anonymous Tumblr messages late at night :)

#trans #trans guy #trans dude

[ughwhyislifelikethis]

Earlier this week I was misgendered at work by a coworker who is fully in the know about me being Not A Women (group "girlies" comment :/) and today a friend who didn't mean harm also lumped me in with girls :/. It was technically accurate in the afab sense and the context, but still. And neither time did I feel confident enough or desire to rock the boat and correct them. I don't want to hear about "trans people screeching about misgendering" ever again from transphobes because for us to get there it takes a while.

I need to get my hair cut again, too, bc it's getting long enough to start causing a shitton of dysphoria. And so is my chest at the moment. Just. Ugh. All around sucky.

My girlfriend, however, called me her boyfriend yesterday and it's not the first time she's said it but it was the Best please do it more :)

could people please stop forgetting I'm not a girl. Please. its the bare minimum I'm asking for when I'm not able to do any level of medical transition where it's much harder to forget when you hear me or look at me.

#vent post #personal #ughhh

[ughwhyislifelikethis]

I GET TO SEE MY GIRLFRIEND IN PERSON THIS WEEK WOOOOOOO

[ughwhyislifelikethis]

9/(40*3). 9/120 videos on this one audio for the village by Wrabel are cis people talking about non trans related issues. And a good majority of them are getting butthurt when they're told repeatedly that they need to not.

I don't look at that song for depression or non trans related issues. I look at that song to find other trans people to relate to.

And I can't find any.

#im gonna have to take tik tok off my phone till they cut it the fuck out again for a few months. #why is a song about trans people filled with cis people. explain it. fucking explain it. #the village by Wrabel #the village #wrabel #if your cis and did this no excuses dont apologize just take it down and dont use it again unless its because its about trans related stuff #we are so fucking sick of it

[ughwhyislifelikethis]

I AM A BOYFRIEND AND THIS MAKES ME EXCEEDINGLY HAPPY :)

[ughwhyislifelikethis]

I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND NOW!!!!!!! AHHH!!!

[ughwhyislifelikethis]

so uh

I think one of my friends has Feelings for me. and she's also uh like. Hot. like I'm not turned on, I'm ace, but she's so asthetically pleasing.

And like. I don't OBJECT. I have no issues with reciprocating. I just dunno how to Date and I don't wanna be a bad boyfriend. I've never dated and I kinda don't think I'd be good at traditional dating but like. If she's cool with that I'd be fine with dating.

She kinda flirted and maybe mentioned kissing and like it was sorta surprising but I was more surprised by the fact I have no objections. I just don't know how to date and all that.

#arospec #demi #demiromantic #aro #HELP #calling arospecs for aid #how the heck do i do this right

[ughwhyislifelikethis]

Some people really do think "masculinity is only good when it's done by a women" sometimes, I think. I'm probably several months late on that conclusion but sometimes it's definitely a belief, as if women are the only ones trusted enough to distribute and approve of where it goes, I guess.

#transandrophobia #misogny is rightfully called out as doing the flip side of this btw #men being considered the ones who should decide when and where femininity should go is literally just misogyny. #and we wouldnt just say thats okay but somehow some people have gotten comrortable with trying to dictate men's masculinity

[ughwhyislifelikethis]

....for some reason, this one person on Tik Tok who got a cane for their issues bc of scoliosis won't leave my brain. Like, rn I don't have anything majorly an issue but like, for some reason I never considered it a possiblity??? Idk.

#i guess cause for me scoliosis is a pain sometimes but im still like #abled? #like its a pain (literally) sometimes but i can walk #drive etc with it #visually though my body is fucked up at the moment lmao #my hips are so off

[ughwhyislifelikethis]

fuck i DO have a crush on my best fucking friend FUCK FUCK FUCK 

#personal shit #okay at least this one is possibly less terrifying to admit to #i mean we've joked/sort talked about getting married for tax benefits #like mostly joking but yknow #so i think she'd be more chill about it than im worried about but #FUCK #being demi is a fucking PAIN