whitechocolatedepresso

[whitechocolatedepresso]

I had a dream where I weighed myself and looked in the mirror like I do every morning but my hip bones and ribs were sticking out a tiny bit and I got so happy

#overweight #i need to lose this weight #slim fast #i wanna lose weight #weight loss

[whitechocolatedepresso]

Also just saying the vanilla slim fast is pretty tasty and filling I add some instant coffee to it too it's nice and makes me not feel hungry

#slim fast #overweight #i need to lose this weight #i wanna lose weight #diet

[whitechocolatedepresso]

I am finally below 230 lbs

I just have to do slim fast and only eat once a day

60 more lbs to go

I'm so tired but the feeling seeing that fucking number go down feels so fucking good.

#slim fast #i need to lose this weight #i wanna lose weight #overweight #tumblr diary

[whitechocolatedepresso]

IU diet- transformed

Breakfast: 1 egg (source of protein in the morning); 1 apple; 1 tablespoon of nut batter of choice (to keep you full for longer)

Lunch: 2 sweet potatoes; forkfull of kimchi (for gut health)

Dinner: protein shake

Drinks: coffee; water; lemon water

Additionally: lemon+ ginger shot (also for gut health)

[whitechocolatedepresso]

I've been doing so good

I eat only once a day and have slim fast for the other meals

I need to lose 60 more lbs

#overweight #dear diary #anxienty #tumblr diary #venting

[whitechocolatedepresso]

Merry Christmas

I am weak and absolutely will eat everything tomorrow

[whitechocolatedepresso]

I can't sleep

My stomach feels empty

I'm don't want to eat but I know that would fix it.

But I can't do that.

Maybe I'll sleep and not feel that I'm hungry.

#venting #tumblr diary #overweight #depression #anxiety

[whitechocolatedepresso]

I've been taking my meds recently.

I hope I can stick with it this time.

It's so overwhelming

I see posts like "The you five years ago would be so proud if she saw you now."

No.

No she wouldn't.

She'd be sad we are still fat.

#venting #depression #overweight #anxiety #tumblr diary

[whitechocolatedepresso]

I'm hungry

My stomach aches

But I can't stand how I looked in recent photos taken of me...

I'm trying to do slim fast and one "meal" a day at supper...

Tonight I'm eating green beans.

Idk what else to do.

I'm tired of hating myself.

I'm tired of being ugly.

I'm tired or being disgusting.

I'm tired of being an embarrassment.

#venting #tumblr diary #slim fast #i need to lose this weight #overweight #depression #anxiety

[whitechocolatedepresso]

It's not even 9 pm and here I am in my bed dreading the day my parents die and having that hurt but also my son having that hurt and me having to be strong for him...

My parents aren't sick or anything

Brain just goes brr

#anxiety #venting #tumblr diary #depression #loss #death

[whitechocolatedepresso]

It's already December.

Time is going by so fast now.

I feel like I'm running out of time...

I'm not ready for things to change...

For things to end...

[whitechocolatedepresso]

I think he's trying to get me pregnant on purpose.

I already have a child with him.

But I think he's trying to make me pregnant...

Why?

Is it to force me to stay?

I don't understand.

#anxienty #venting #tumblr diary #dear diary #therapy #journal

[whitechocolatedepresso]

I'm so scared he is going to find my tumblr diary and everything is going to get even worse.

But if he doesn't go through my stuff he won't find it...

I'm not doing anything wrong

#anxienty #venting #dear diary #depression #tumblr diary #verbal abuse #emotional abuse

[whitechocolatedepresso]

I hate screaming into the void like this.

[whitechocolatedepresso]

Why am I crying?

Who cares if he has a GF?

I hurt him.

I practically made him suffer for fucking years him waiting and hoping to be with me...

And I have the AUDACITY to cry because I hear he has a GF now?

I'm not even single myself...

I don't even think I wanted to date him.

So

Why

Am

I

Crying????

#anxienty #dear diary #depression #venting #tumblr diary #therapy

[whitechocolatedepresso]

[whitechocolatedepresso]

People keep telling me I'm in an abusive relationship...

Idk...

Even if I am its not like I can do any better than this

#anxienty #venting #depression #tumblr diary #journal #dear diary #therapy #verbal abuse