writing-half-asleep

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I will not tell you how my heart surrendered for you back then. I will not tell you how I am holding that white flag even now.

me (inspired by ‘About You’ by the 1975)

[writing-half-asleep]

oh. an ode to trying. when it is enough, just to love something enough to keep-being-bad-at-it.

i am not talented in dance. i am not being humble; i just don't have the effervescent something that belies talent. when i write, i know what talent looks and feels and slides like. how it tips. i've been dancing just as long as i've been writing. i'm just better at the writing bit.

but i dance anyway. i dance around my kitchen and i practice the arms for the choreo in my car and i google tips. i get up early on weekends to go to classes. even though i have proficient skill, i will never be a soloist or even particularly good at it.

there is this idea that to not be the best at a passion is tantamount to failing. you try out ice skating but cannot immediately land a turn; which means you aren't going to be a skater, which means you should stop skating altogether. you only knit scarves and don't know how to cast off; just give up. either you go to RISD and get a "real position" as an animator or you're not really an artist.

an ode to what you keep anyway. an ode to passion and drive just for the enjoyment of it. i know we say it's better to try and fail but what if failure was never really a part of it? what if there is no failure here, because love and effort are already successes?

there is no such thing as an effort of love wasted. if it ever brings you peace or joy or excitement - it was worth it.

every doodle in your margins, anime-eye-on-the-homework as a kid. the calligraphy pens while you were trying out new handwriting. the notebooks with short stories where everyone dies in the end. never being first chair in band as a kid, but as an adult still playing your instrument. trying literally because it feels good to try.

i just started adult classes in portrait drawing. i never got taught when i was younger, and, again, i have no natural talent. i am often frustrated, staring at what i made, wondering why i'm not excellent yet.

but i leave knowing - i tried. and trying is worth it.

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I wish I had guided your hands to a softer intention then, so that you left the same colours on my back as those that I kissed on to your face while you slept. All that is left of you now is bruises on my neck.

https://www.tumblr.com/writing-half-asleep

[writing-half-asleep]

In another life, I am sitting in a red armchair sideways, Hozier playing through the house with the songs chasing themselves room to room. You come home, I reach for you, and we sit on the chair together. Nothing bad has happened yet. You listen to all the words I don't get to say anymore. You take all the kisses I cannot give anymore. In another life, we get the one I told you about on my red couch when I was 19, as the final call to death of the love I thought I would die with.

https://www.tumblr.com/writing-half-asleep

#writing #prose #i loved you once #writers

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no bc i love him so much

hes my favorite worm on a string

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Honestly, I see all of these posts talking about how the first draft doesn’t need to be perfect, and yes! All of those posts are right!

That being said, I feel like it creates an unnecessary amount of pressure on the second draft writing. So here’s a reminder:

Your second draft is just another step in the process. It doesn’t need to be perfect, or refined, or even noticeably better than the first draft. It just needs to exist. 

#writeblr #writers on tumblr #writer #writing #second draft #this is more or less a reminder for me because i'm being a perfectionist while i write my second draft

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Your Arab aren't you? Have you ever dated a terrorist

nah I’m not into white guys sry

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ONLINE NOW

It is finally done! This was probably one of the most ‘animated’ animatics I’ve done it a long time so I’m super proud of how this came out. My software completely mucked up the colours which was a pain to try and alter but I think it came it alright.

Hope you all enjoy this little side project. I had so much fun drawing these characters so expect more stuff with them in the future. 

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My problem with Call Me By Your Name

Now, I’ll start with this. I love the book and I love the movie almost as much. I think the general direction of the story, the beauty seen in both the book and the film, really make a compelling world that I wish I could live in. I also don’t think that the age gap is as big of an issue as people say it is, it’s kinda weird, sure, but it’s not problematic in the sense that it’s illegal. I’m the same age as Elio, and I would see it as weird but not necessary grooming. 

However. Elio’s emotional maturity comes into question. He was 17, and he was wildly in love for seemingly the first time, and first love especially at that age is incredibly intense and scary at times. And Oliver’s insensitivity to that was what bothered me. Oliver could handle a summer fling; he could let himself escape into that world with Elio without much emotional issues, because his flippancy with love seemed to overwhelm him in a sense. It blinded him from the fact that he let a 17 year old fall in love with him and then broke his heart without much thought. It was careless, and cruel. 

The book is beautiful to me, the prose is magnificent and the overall feeling of summer love still captivates me. But the character flaw that is Oliver’s carelessness towards Elio will continue to make me dislike Oliver. 

#cmbyn #call me by your name #book talk

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Advice from Angel is invaluable :)

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I hope all your heaviness becomes light.