chequerootlurks

[chequerootlurks]

I need to try this. I like the idea, and “Vicious Clockery” sounds highly entertaining.

As someone who has usually played fighters, barbarians, wizards, or the occasional “BarMage” — barbarian type wizard who flies into a rage when their spell fails — I have been exploring classes that make use of charisma.

I might just drop a Petty University bard into my next game.

Thankyou, OP, for this brilliant concept!

College of Sass

More homebrew. Bard this time. I jokingly made a melee cantrip and called it vicious clockery. Then it inspired this nonsense. Honestly this feels like a more support and shiggles focused Swords. The College of Sass, also known to some as Petty University, is a haven for bards who excel in the art of mixing humiliating verbal repartee and downright disrespectful hand-to-hand combat. These bards are masters of the cutting remark, the sarcastic quip, and the well-timed face slap. They understand that sometimes the most effective weapon is not a sword or spell, but a well-placed hand to the face and harsh verbal beatdown.

Bonus Proficiencies When you join the College of Sass at 3rd level, you gain proficiency with medium armor and improvised weapons.

Catch These Hands A true heckler needs little more than his hands to put his foe in their place. Starting at 3rd level you gain the unarmed fighting style and learn the Vicious Clockery cantrip.

Vicious Clockery Enchantment cantrip Classes: Bard Casting Time: 1 action Range: Touch V, S You wind up a powerful unarmed melee attack against one creature within your reach. On a hit, the target suffers the attack’s normal effects and then is wracked by surging humiliation and takes an additional 1d6 psychic damage. The spell's damage increases by 1d6 when you reach 5th level (2d6), 11th level (3d6), and 17th level (4d6). Unarmed Fighting (TCE). Your unarmed strikes can deal bludgeoning damage equal to 1d6 + your Strength modifier on a hit. If you aren't wielding any weapons or a shield when you make the attack roll, the d6 becomes a d8. At the start of each of your turns, you can deal 1d4 bludgeoning damage to one creature grappled by you.

Additionally as long as you have one hand free you may use your hands as a spellcasting focus for your bard spells.

Jester's Touch At 3rd level, you capitalize on the pure shame that a good slap to the face can provide. When you deal damage with Vicious Clockery you may expend a use of your Bardic Inspiration. When used in this way the target subtracts a roll of your bardic inspiration die from their next d20 roll of your choice- saving throw, skill check, or attack roll.

Once Slapped, Twice Shy Starting at 6th level, you can attack twice, instead of once, whenever you take the Attack action on your turn. Additionally you can replace one of your attacks with Vicious Clockery or Vicious Mockery

Insults Always Ready Starting at 14th level, whenever you apply Jester's Touch, you can roll a d6 and use it instead of expending a Bardic Inspiration die.

#d&d #dungeons and dragons #muse games #d&d homebrew #bard #tabletop rpgs

[chequerootlurks]

The fact that she is voiced by Vinegar Strokes? Omg, I love it. That’s called Representation!, baby!

[https://www.instagram.com/theonlyvinegarstrokes/]

Call me Lucretious. Ringmaster, Necromancer, Bringer of the Night. Oh, and wine-lover extraordinaire.

#drag queen #representation #lgbtqia+ #bg3 lucretious #lucretious the ringmaster #lucretious bg3 #vinegar strokes

[chequerootlurks]

I love this, everything about it! It doesn’t matter that I may be missing the joke. This is gold to me!

The art style, the palate choice, the fact that Dr. Leonard McCoy is my favorite TOS character (and first crush). Everything about this: *chef’s kiss* Parfait!

AN-TI-BO-DIES

#lovely art #animation #star trek TOS #dr mccoy #dr leonard mccoy #star trek

[chequerootlurks]

*adds vanilla extract*

No, Mr. Horse, don’t worry, I certainly don’t have a Plinko down here! What I do have is this lovely cask of wine, specifically for horses, Amontillado in fact! Exquisite vintage.

I know you’re not supposed to be in this hospital, but if you’ll just follow me down this corridor—no, that’s not blood on the floor, it’s color theory, I’ll explain it later—I can bring you to this cask of wine that is certainly NOT a plinko machine—

#horse plinko #eeby deeby #vanilla extract #tumblr gold #glup shitto #blorbo

[chequerootlurks]

*releases pack of dads into home depot* go……be free

[chequerootlurks]

This post is amazing, and @vaspider , I love how well you articulated everything! I’ve tried explaining this concept, but never had the words to do so.

From here on, I shall refer people to this post because your explanation is phenomenal.

*bows*

Much respect!

something you said has been on my mind for a while - "kink is not inherently sexual". good faith! I don't understand that at all, could you explain it a bit?

This post is educational, hooray! Extensive discussion of kink under the cut. Nothing explicitly sexual is described in detail.

Please note that in this post, I use the terms top and Dom/me interchangeably. This is because I personally identify as a "top" and not a Dom. Some communities draw sharp lines between these two terms, and it's useful to make sure that you're using the same definition as other people when you're talking. Some people use "top" solely to refer to the giving or penetrative partner, which is not synonymous with the dominant partner. Topping subs, power bottoms, and all other permutations exist. I just use that term for myself because I don't like being called a Dom. It sounds like a guy's name to me, I don't like it.

When I text my wife in every morning, "Please bring me my coffee," and she answers, "Yes, Sir!" is that sexual? I'm surely not feeling sexual when I'm barely awake. When I hold my other wife's hand when she's having a depressive fit and tell her, "Daddy's got you, it's okay," that's kink, but it's not sexual. In that moment, neither of us feel particularly sexy, and we're surely not engaging in sex, but it's kink that - forgive the pun - binds us more strongly together.

One of my girls wears a 24/7 collar that I locked in place. (She can ask me at any point to take it off, or she can take it off herself if she wants to, but she chooses this.) That's kink. It's also... a necklace. That's not any more inherently sexual than her wedding ring, though it - for us - certainly symbolizes part of our relationship that happens to sometimes include sex, exactly the same as a wedding ring.

There are a lot of types of kink that don't include sexual contact in any way or which might include sexual contact but don't need to. One of my friends is a sex-repulsed ace bootblack. They literally take care of the boots of tops, usually at play parties. For them, this act of service and submission allows them to go into a particular headspace that's very fulfilling for them. They are explicitly serving the people whose boots they clean and polish. The Dom/mes receive that service and not only get really great-looking boots out of the deal but also get the feeling of power from having someone eager to take care of them and serve them. For some of us, that kind of service allows us access to a feeling of power that can be hard to access in our daily life, and that feels really good.

Sometimes, it can feel good in a sexy way, and sometimes it feels good in a "makes lizard brain feel powerful but not sexy" way. Neither one is inherently better or worse or more or less kinky than the other.

Sometimes, people who like being whipped like it because the line between pain and pleasure is like a wave on the ocean, and they want to surf it. Sometimes, that involves mashing squishy bits together, and sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes, it's just about riding that endorphin wave and then having someone take care of you afterwards.

Sometimes, people want to be tied up in elaborate shibari knots and fucked. Sometimes, people want to be tied up in elaborate shibari knots because that process requires a lot of trust and is an intimate ritual that takes a lot of time. Sometimes, it's both. Sometimes, people want to tie up others because it's a beautiful work of art, because that ritual of binding is a ritual and accesses something sacred for them. Sometimes, they want to be tied up because it's playtime, and that's fun for them! Sometimes, they want to be tied up because when they're tied up, they are 0% in control, and they want to just surrender control to someone whom they can trust.

Some people want to go into sub space - that headspace I talked about earlier - because in their everyday life, they have a lot of responsibilities and stress, and going into that space where nobody can ask anything from them, where they have no responsibility to make any decisions at all, is a relief to them. That might involve squishy bits, or it might not. Some people like going into that sub space because being someone's Good Boy, Sweet Girl, or Good Pup is gender-affirming for them. A friend of mine only feels really safe when he's got his pup hood on, because that means he's With Master, who will protect him.

Some people get gender affirmation out of being in control, being someone's Daddy or Mistress, Sir or Boss. It allows them to access a power that helps them to square their shoulders and take on the world.

All of this entirely skips over the fact that a person's primary sexual organ is between their ears, and some people do get sexual fulfillment out of kink even when no genitalia are involved at all, but I cannot stress enough that the reasons that people enter into the multitude of kink situations in the world are as varied as the people involved. People gain access to comfort, to feelings of stability and order and control over their lives, to gender affirmation, to endorphins that are or aren't sexual in nature, to release from responsibility, to ritual and intimacy, to the ability to provide for others and take care of others in a way that their outside lives may or may not permit. For that matter, they may simply gain access to a paycheck, and that's fine, too. That's no more or less "selling your body" than when I used to run my ass off for 13+ hours a day at my retail job, and I guarantee they're making way, way better money.

The fact that so many people see kink as only and purely sexual means they're missing out on so much of what kink can offer, and narrowing down the experiences of others to this tiny little sliver of what actually exists. Yes, it can be sexual, but it doesn't have to be. The reasons that people engage in kink are as varied as the reasons that people engage in any other kind of interaction, and the fulfillment they get from it is as varied, too.

#kink is queer #education #queer is not always sexual #nonsexual kink #educational #muse shares #queer #kink education

[chequerootlurks]

Y'all, the world is sleeping on what NASA just pulled off with Voyager 1

The probe has been sending gibberish science data back to Earth, and scientists feared it was just the probe finally dying. You know, after working for 50 GODDAMN YEARS and LEAVING THE GODDAMN SOLAR SYSTEM and STILL CHURNING OUT GODDAMN DATA.

So they analyzed the gibberish and realized that in it was a total readout of EVERYTHING ON THE PROBE. Data, the programming, hardware specs and status, everything. They realized that one of the chips was malfunctioning.

So what do you do when your probe is 22 Billion km away and needs a fix? Why, you just REPROGRAM THAT ENTIRE GODDAMN THING. Told it to avoid the bad chip, store the data elsewhere.

Sent the new code on April 18th. Got a response on April 20th - yeah, it's so far away that it took that long just to transmit.

And the probe is working again.

From a programmer's perspective, that may be the most fucking impressive thing I have ever heard.

#voyager 1 #science! #science #learn all that is learnable #nasa #so happy for them

[chequerootlurks]

It is officially BUG SEASON! in Chicagoland! @crevicedwelling , @onenicebugperday. I am delighted 🥰

I found a lovely Two-Spotted Stink Bug today!…

An adorable plume moth!…

… And this butterfly that I’d like a bit of help ID’ing. They’re doing courtship flights right now.

I love Bug Season 🐛🐜🐞 Some of my favorites are “stinkie bugs.” They are all named Jerri/Gerry.

#Pterophoridae #Plume Moth #Moth #Hemiptera #Perillus bioculatus #stink bug #two-spotted stink bug #butterfly #lepidoptera #very nice bugs #a very nice bug #bugs

[chequerootlurks]

i mean this in the gentlest way possible: you need to eat vegetables. you need to become comfortable with doing so. i do not care if you are a picky eater because of autism (hi, i used to be this person!), you need to find at least some vegetables you can eat. find a different way to prepare them. chances are you would like a vegetable you hate if you prepared it in a stew or roasted it with seasoning or included it as an ingredient in a recipe. just. please start eating better. potatoes and corn are not sufficient vegetables for a healthy diet.

#fruits and vegetables #nutrition #healthy eating #neurodivergent #sensory issues

[chequerootlurks]

Welcome to Build-a-Frog!

Click here to enter

#always reblog #frogs #frog #build a frog

[chequerootlurks]

the purest form of serotonin is when a cat looks at u and u go like “what?” and it meows at u

#kitty #kitteh #always reblog #things that make me smile

[chequerootlurks]

Alright, to ao3's soon to be arriving Wattpad Refugees, a basic guide to general user culture:

1.) Unlike Wattpads vote system that let's you like each chapter, the ao3 equivalent kudos only allows one per work. Everyone is generally quietly annoyed about this. To engage with each chapter, you're heavily encouraged to comment. Trust me, it makes people's day.

2.) Ao3 has no algorithm. By default it's latest updated work first. You can find things to your taste through searches, filters and tags.

3.) 'No archive warnings apply' and 'user has chosen not to use archive warnings' mean two very different things. No archives warnings means the work is free from any content that could require a warning tag (character death, graphic depictions of violence, non-con, etc). User has chosen not to use archive warnings means it could contain any of the warning content, be it hasn't been explicitly tagged. Treat it like an allergen. No archive warnings apply is allergen free. User has chosen not to use archive warnings, may contain traces or whole chunks of the allergen. If you're likely to have a bad reaction, maybe don't take the risk.

4.) Speaking of warnings, ao3 has very few restrictions on the type of work that's allowed. Whatever your personal thoughts or feelings on that are, thats how the site is. You're likely to run across some dark subject matters and a lot of people are uncomfortable with reading that. You're well within your rights not like these works and have your opinion on whether they should be allowed, but harassing the authors of such works (or any works) is more likely to come back on you than them. Ao3 operates on a strong policy of 'don't like, don't read'. Use the tagging system to your full advantage to only engage with the kind of works you want to see.

We look forward to welcoming you all and seeing the fantastic works you create. Happy writing!

[chequerootlurks]

#mental health #health and wellness #wellness #quotes #words of wisdom

[chequerootlurks]

Share that stuff, Friend!

I have talked about my scrapbook before on here I think but I haven't posted any of it. It's not like a "pintrest aesthetic" type scrapbook, it's chaotic and catered entirely to my tastes lol. But I wouldn't mind sharing some of the pages with y'all which leads to the question:

[chequerootlurks]

I'm so platonically in love with him it's so fucking crazy, I am not immune to gay nerds in media

#waylon smithers #lovely art #traditional art

[chequerootlurks]

Having a hard day? Turn up the sound and let Max lull you.

#purr #purrrr #lynx #animal ambassador #not a pet #asmr #things that make me happy #kitty

[chequerootlurks]

outcast of the village

#werewolf #werewolves #lovely art