ever-so-sleepy

[ever-so-sleepy]

the last time we spoke you asked me if i knew this meant we likely wouldn't cross paths ever again

i said yes. that's what i wanted. i had this pit in my gut, like i knew i'd regret it but i had to

i feel stained by you. spoiled rotten. like i can never fully scrub off what you made me

except i likely would have ended up this way regardless, you just expedited the process. i watched you and all your self destruction and i did it too

my friend told me once that i throw myself in shitty situations and then act like the world hates me. they said they see so much of you in me it makes them sick. the worst part is they're right

i'm almost five months sober. my grades are better. i lost seven pounds and it's hard to eat without guilt but i'm learning. to try. that i'm not just hurting me anymore, i never was. i've fucked up so many relationships because i couldn't realize that people did care

i want to text you. i want to be fourteen again, and call you for three hours so i can tell you how much i hate my science teacher, and then drink instead of studying for my test

i hope your life is better. i'm sorry i never texted you the anniversary your brother died. i didn't know if it was right

i still love you. i hope you stopped loving me

#a letter to a girl i'll never speak to again #sorry i've been inactive as HELL #to anyone that keeps up with me??? anyway #writing #writeblr #spilled ink #writers on tumblr #ex friends #thoughts #letters #letting go #letters to you

[ever-so-sleepy]

the yosuke problem

ok the thing that pisses me off most about the yosuke storyline is not that the homophobia is like bad and morally wrong or whatever. BUT THAT IT MAKES HIS CHARACTER WORSE.

in canon, he's homophobic cause he's an asshole. full stop. i guess the "best friend" character is just an asshole now and you like him less. LAME.

give him a romance route and his character becomes so much more layered. he's lashing out at kanji because he's scared of himself and his own feelings.

when he confesses to you, he's also confessing to himself, accepting a piece of his identity he doesn't want to. you know, the theme of the game? accepting uncomfortable truths about yourself and finding joy through it? it also shows that self-acceptance isn't a one day thing, we don't have just one shadow, but multiple different demons that we have to conquer throughout our lives. ah, depth and thematic coherence, how homosexual thou art!

its straight up more interesting storytelling, it's efficient, meaningful and its not in the game because ATLUS ARE TOO COWARDLY TO MAKE GOOD STORIES >:((((((

[ever-so-sleepy]

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS? i always hated how they wrote teddie because i thought he could've been a really cute character with how he IS a child (him and yosuke are brothers and i'm not hearing any argument) but the fact it was the translation 😭

i was robbed

anyway justice for teddie he's just a little man

Favorite Sega Character: Losers Bracket Round 4

#persona 4

[ever-so-sleepy]

i am plagued by visions (constant story ideas)

#literally couldn't focus during my history test #was writing out a scene in my head #it's horrible because i can't seem to actually write when i sit down #writing #writeblr #writerscommunity #writers on tumblr #ao3 #this includes fan fic but also general shit

[ever-so-sleepy]

not him in the last frame looking like a kicked puppy please i will lose it over this man he's so baby girl

Good GOD HE IS SO HOT

#liam o'brien

[ever-so-sleepy]

was this atlus's formal apology for yosuke

Guys was there a time in p3r where Kenji texts you and is like “hey cutie~ ❤️❤️” and uses a bunch of heart emojis or did I hallucinate that in a tired stupor

#persona 3 reload #persona 3 #kenji tomochika

[ever-so-sleepy]

A second Paytas child has hit the royal family.

[ever-so-sleepy]

march 12 will be five months of not knowing you

april will be six, which makes half a year. it's been nearly half a year since i could text you? but it feels longer- maybe because it was. i could text you, but you wouldn't respond. you wouldn't care and once i picked up on that it was too late. you wanted an excuse by that point. was i truly that miserable to you?

the day after- the 13th, will be three months sober. from alcohol, anyway. over fifteen months and i took a fucking edible; it didn't even do anything. and i've had alcohol since then- i forgot i was trying to stay sober two and a half weeks in. mom offered me some of her liquor and i said yes. it was the holidays- my friend said it doesn't count. i'm too lazy to consider whether he's right. i don't think i'll make it to six months anyway, so what does it matter?

because just days before i hit six months, it's my birthday. do you remember my sixteenth?

i remembered yours. i got you as many presents as my unemployed ass could get, i knew they weren't great but i tried because i know your parents are assholes and i wanted to give you all i had. i did. at least i tried, wasn't that enough?

i turned sixteen the day after my uncle's funeral. my dad was still out of town with my mom and sister. i drank the only liquor that's ever made me throw up because it was all we had left. i watched TV, alone at home. and you didn't even remember

i'll be seventeen in June. and i'll get drunk, and think about you. and my brother. my ex and my friends. you won't text but this time you'll have a reason not to

and i think i'm starting to remember the bad memories. i'm starting to hate you a little more. but hate hurts when it's for someone you used to love so much. when you dug in your own chest and pulled out your heart to give to them, and they fucking spat on it

i wonder if i'd be better of dead, because then you'd look at me

#writing #ex friends #spilled ink #writeblr #writerscommunity #writers on tumblr #alcohol

[ever-so-sleepy]

akihiko and mitsuru are parents that got married for tax benefits and then adopted a group of sad teenagers

#i don't ship them #but they are parents #literally emporer empress arcana #persona 3 #persona 3 reload #akihiko sanada #mitsuru kirijo #persona series

[ever-so-sleepy]

he could fix me

I dont care what anyone says I need him so bad

#candela obscura #critical role #taliesin jaffe #i love him #he is so #baby girl

[ever-so-sleepy]

i love him your honor

#liam o'brien #why is he so fine #can he just like #adopt me

[ever-so-sleepy]

i don't need therapy i need liam to romance one of taliesins characters

#critical role #taliesin jaffe #liam o'brien #perc'ildan #ashrym #i haven't seen campaign two or three i've just seen so many tumblr posts about the third #i am invested #i love dorym #but just once #please

[ever-so-sleepy]

death always looked pretty coming off of your lips

#writers on tumblr #writeblr #writing #spilled ink #writerscommunity

[ever-so-sleepy]

you're sober, so that's great

you try to keep things in your head because you've never been good at it before so maybe if you get it down now you'll stop being so fucking annoying to people

except it bleeds out anyways. you're not good at this- you never have been. the people around you mask their emotions so effortlessly but you're like a carcass, lying dead on the road glaring your message and pain out to everyone

your friend says they think you're getting depressed. not that you haven't been but that you're reckless, that you're acting like they were at your age and you ignore it but it stays in your head for months

they tell you you're passively suicidal and that's gotta be a joke. you were just joking you're too scared to ever go that far, you used to say you were but you were just a kid looking for attention. that's all you've ever been; desperate for someone to save you but getting mad whenever they try

they tell you everyone is bad and that you can't keep hating yourself as the easiest solution and they're right you've always known it except if you'd just kept it a secret it would've been okay. if no one had to know you despise every mistake you've made, the fact that you are still here, then it's fine. if you carry that guilt and hate but become a better person for them- so you stop dragging people down with you- then it's okay. then you deserve the love and the acceptance and being saved. then the people who've hurt you can be in the wrong

except you're so fucking tired of hating yourself. of the repetition and inability to get ahold of yourself and be a better person

you're wasting away whether you like it or not. you've never made a major achievement. your grades are shit and you can't play guitar well but you still try, telling the world you'll be a musician but you can't complete a song

when you were fourteen you were scared you'd wake up one day and realize you're a 50 year old with kids, far away from the dream you've always had. you were terrified of the time slipping from your fingers. and yet you did nothing, you are in the same place but older. closer to graduating and having everyone expect something of you

you should've died, not him. he should be here with the hopes and dreams that were stolen. but he's not, and you are. so you can either put a bullet in your brain or do what he never had the chance to

#tw vent #tw sui ideation #i guess #writing #writeblr #spilled ink

[ever-so-sleepy]

i feel like the catherine fullbody fandom is going quiet can everyone reblog and like this if they’re a real catholic

[ever-so-sleepy]

I don't love you anymore

I love how you felt

How you'd melt when my skin touched

Your hand

#i found this in my notes app #didn't fit as lyrics but #i guess it fits for here #poetry #poetry kinda? #writing #writeblr #spilled ink

[ever-so-sleepy]

you enter my mind like a plague

you picked a corner and cleaned it up, just to make a bed and sleep in it. you found a home inside my head and won't leave, infesting every crevice of my memory

you are at the back of my thoughts, all the time, a constant reminder. and yet all i seem to be to you is another person you're angry at; another name on the list of people you hate. you hate and hate and hate until the word means nothing to you. you brag of how you "love being mean", your confidence and loud tones and initiative are better than my cowardice

because i am admittedly a coward. and i am not a good person either. you made me realize that in ways i wish i didn't

if i was only ever a person to you why did you stay? i loved you over and over again, i gave up my identity to fit what you wanted. i was naive and dumb that was on me but you- you fucking stayed and i don't know why if all of that was clearly just to throw me out like trash. like every other person you get tired of

i was never fucking enough for you. i will never be enough for you. no one is ever enough for you

i hope you're happy

#writeblr #writers on tumblr #ex friends #spilled ink #i don't know if i'm putting the right tags teehee #writing