#@archbudzar i love you

[amiablesummer]

I must endure.

e.e. cummings // Sam Heelis, Submerged // Vincent Van Gogh, via @metamorphesque // Andrea Wan // Mary Oliver, For Example // Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to A Young Poet // everbloominglove // Ocean Vuong, Someday I'll Love Ocean Vuong, via @lucidloving // Andrei Dobrynin // David Lethithan, How They Met And Other Stories // @archbudzar

#web weaving #compilations #parallels #quotes #literature #poetry #art #to endure #on enduring #i must!! I must!!! I must!!!!! #@archbudzar i love you #i've been working on this since i saw that piece #mine #life #on going on #on the human condition #weavings<3

[fizzyorange-v2]

what could’ve been & what is

“…you and me, what do you say?”

1 - Jennifer Saint, Elektra // 2 - Sue Zhao // 3 - Richard Siken, Snow and Dirty Rain & Maria Petrovykh, Love Me. I Am Pitch Black // 4 - art by @ratsandlilies on twitter // 5 - @/laniyng & @/orpheuslament // 6 - Keane, Better Than This // 7 - Mitski, Stay Soft // 8 - @/kedreeva & Margaret Atwood, ‘He shifts from east to west’, Power Politics & Clarice Lispector, The Stream of Life & Anais Nin, Henry and June // 9 - Molly McAdams, Stealing Harper & Jack Kerouac, On the Road // 10 - Henri Cole, Nothing to Declare: Poems; ‘Sphere’ & ??? // 11 - @/obeliskandmetronome // 12 - Michael Cunningham, The Hours & Marion Wheeler, There Is No Antimemetics Division // 13 - Lucia LoTempio, Hot with the Bad Things // 14 - Gail Hareven, The Confessions of Noa Weber & Flannery O'Connor, The Violent Bear It Away // 15 - p.d., there is no absolution for the fallen, only the dying // 16 - art by c.b. (@/archbudzar)

#I had to watch this scene so many times you guys #please. send your thoughts and prayers in the form of reblogs #good omens #fizz web weaving #good omens spoilers #go web weaving #good omens web weaving #web weaving #web weave #good omens season two #gos2 #gos2ep6 #good omens fanart #ineffable husbands #arizacrow #aziraphale #crowley #anthony j crowley

[mulberrytea]

all i can say is that the traumatized little girl version of me who moved strangely through the world and was emotionally neglected didn’t just disappear because she got older. she’s still there inside of me and she comes out more often than i realize. i was given so many names at birth that i can give her one and call my present self another. and i take care of her, nurture her, parent her, and calm her down. she didn’t deserve what she got and she is still inside of me and she always will be. i carry her with me and i protect and love her.

sometimes something will change and that change will change you

This is for me This is for the breaths I have yet to take, for the memories I have yet to unfold, for dreams I have yet to discover This for the struggles I faced in the past, to which I will part ways with comradeship for they gave bruises to my knees and made me realize that falling down does not mean it's the end This is for my passions and strength, seemingly lost beneath the shadows of myself This is for the sunshine in my laughter, the constellations in my eyes, the flowers beneath my skin, and the moon in my heart This is for me This is for who I was This is for who I can be

"How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard"

— Winnie the Pooh (A.A Milne)

just another birthday

1/2

67. @/ladylazarus33 (via @/likorys) 68. Imagine Finding Me by Chino Otsuka 69. (Were we always doomed to suck the sweetness out of nostalgia? Is there anything left to discover?) (@/asoftwrongness) 70. @/archbudzar 71. Judith Hanson Lasater 72. the fool tarot card (art by Lisa Sterl) 73. Papilio glaucus, the eastern tiger swallowtail (This butterfly symbolizes a positive change soon. It indicates that something important will change and you cannot prevent that change. A butterfly with black and yellow flaps also signifies death. It is a sign of the end of a life cycle.) 74. Beautiful Zero: Poems by Jennifer Willoughby 75. Goodnight Moon by Margaret Brown (art) and Class of 2013 by Mitski (text) via @/crushing-on-nico-di-angelo 76. All I Could Do by Kimya Dawson 77. earnestly screaming because of these youtube comments on the song ribs  (@/tylorswift) 78. When You Were Small. (@/hannahlockillustration) 79.  green grass, s.t. (@/ryebreadgf) 80. Portrait of the Artist as a Young Corpse by Heather O'Neill 81. from a book i made a couple semesters ago (@/julykings) 82. Inside Problems by Andrew Bird 83. photo series “Girl Pictures,” shot between 1997 and 2002 by Justine Kurland 84. Is it normal to feel your youth slipping away at 20? 85. I am feeling sad because I missed out on my teenage years. 86. a poem for myself (@/nostalgicjoy) 86. testing out some fun text + a handsome little man i met on a walk (@/demiiwhiffin) 87.  Winnie the Pooh by A.A Milne 88. The Sleep of Reason (2020) by Valeria Duca

#chino otsuka #Jennifer Willoughby #nayyirah waheed #lorde #justine kurland #winnie the pooh #valeria duca #art compilation #poetry compilation #andrew bird #mitski #m

[in-apricis]

SEVEN LAWLESS | if i loved you, would it change anything?

rebecca makkai // dante and virgil in hell, william-adolphe bouguereau // simone de beauvoir // julian k. jarboe // archbudzar on instagram // ??? // maggie nelson // katatsumori (1994)

#inspo #quotes #infamous if #idk idk idk i hav emotions #if this reaches its audience it does if it doesnt it doesnt 😌

[gr63wdc]

ik it's a little specific so i understand if you can't, but could you make a miles morales gifset + this quote by archbudzar:

Yes, the grief is never-ending but so is the warmth of breath and so are the strange ways love will find you again, again, again…

please? love your creations regardless <3

sorry this took five million years, but here you go, anon!!!! i hope it is what you're looking for <3

#gio.ask

[kizzyedgelll]

top five quotes? ❤️

HARD ONE!! A LOT OF THINKING!!! let's go <3

Yes, the grief is never-ending, but so is the warmth of breath and so are the strange ways love will find you again, again, again... - @archbudzar on ig, twitter and tumblr

Maybe it's like you said. Maybe there is something out there, some new discovery that will make us feel like even smaller pieces of shit. Something that explains why you still went looking for me through all of this noise. And why, no matter what, I still want to be here with you. I will always, always, want to be here with you. - Evelyn Wang, EEAAO (i literally cry every time i watch this)

I always wanted to die clean and pretty/But I'd be too busy on working days/So I am relieved that the turbulence wasn't forecasted /I couldn't have changed anyways - Mitski, Last Words of a Shooting Star

Things were somehow so good that they were in danger of becoming very bad, because what is fully mature is very close to rotting. - Clarice Lispector, A Hora da Estrela

Whatever it is/It feels like it's laughing at me through the glass of a two-sided mirror/Whatever it is/It's just laughing at meAnd I just wanna scream - Rihanna, What Now

these aren't in a particular order, but they're my favorite all time quotes that i could think about rn skfsjaflajf

#ask #binatalia #mutual tag ♡ #ask games

[poetflowitknowit]

I Trust Your Love, I Trust The Loss of It

You know me, you know my heart.

I trust you with my life.

You keep me safe and smart,

But there's one thing painfully rife.

I am afraid of what you'll say.

My interests are not shameful,

And talking to you is the highlight of my day.

But people I'm implored to trust have been hateful.

Inspired by: @archbudzar

#poetry is delicious #poetry #interests #fear

[sweatermuppet]

hey sorry to bother you but do you know any instagram accounts similar to yours? (not cis content) thanks love

not a bother! gonna include accounts that post various mediums i feel inspired by so it's not just poetry/truisms/graphic design, but all are trans creatives. pls read their bios & view content before following because there is the possibility of adult themes + triggering content

accounts i follow are:

mars.wright, bimbo.theory, autogyniphiles_anonymous, eveofswords, steel.transplants, archbudzar, abprallenuk, johnelliotknits, amlawdesigns, clementinerot, giallo_photographs, saintcormorant, whothefuckisdowns, softxprince, river.queer, transrebelcowboy, teddypaints, solriosart, indolent.hours, sal.adays, transangelicism, velourspit, kamal.png, & many many more! feel free to look thru my following on ig for other accounts

#if i linked yr account & you'd like it removed just reply/DM me!! #anonymous

[krocketz]

I cup my hands underneath the shower’s sparsely spread stream, catching and filling until all spills over the sides. As quickly as I added them, I pull them away. My once-baby falls with a splat and whirls down the drain.

My parents dislike the things I do. While they can marginally accept the things I am (with the slim, unspoken condition of my unflinching success), they are entirely convinced that I will regret anything decisive I choose to do. My mother typically phrases it as such: “I’ve failed you.” This is a pussy’s turn of phrase: too lame to say what’s meant and too stubborn to say nothing at all. Worst of all, it’s simply wrong. I’d hope to at least get the credit for my own pitfalls. I’m not like this because she was cursed by unknown deities or because she committed some lurking parenting sin while raising me; I know what I am and I embrace my potential for disappointment—for regret.

Regret is what they’re worried about. Change your name, pump yourself up with as much steroids as you can muster, then you grow up and realize the true way is sprouting offspring for personified khakis? Then fucking what? Curse the transgender influence and wallow eternally in the hell of testosterone-d womanhood, I guess (because no one has ever lived that horrible life before). I’m gonna say the word: detransitioning—that’s what they’re worried about.

I would almost try to understand if I were anyone else. Sure, semi-permanent life long decisions at eighteen can turn out wrong, but I think that’s ultimately the fault of the “semi-permanent life long” aspect rather than the age. It’s doubtful my parents would even have ever considered shying away from naming me legally out of some fear of “getting it wrong” (though in retrospect they did get it wrong), so I don’t see why this must unequally apply to me.

I went into my first trip on mushrooms hoping for clarity regarding starting hormone therapy. One of those items didn’t really happen—I underestimated the community knowledge that the varieties here are very weak—but the second certainly did. It was probably some sort of placebo (going into a day with both a certain intention and psychological expectation likely wouldn’t hurt a person seeking some “enlightenment”), but regardless it was effective enough. A few weeks later I entered my consultation-slash-prescription appointment (thank the powers for informed consent). Ironically enough, when I eventually told my mother about my ongoing treatment, she told me to drop acid to help realize my true female identity. I had no heart—and had much too deep self-preservational instincts—to tell her otherwise. I’m a person who will overthink to no end until I simply do. I simply did and I have not regretted it.

I don’t think I will regret it, but it would be okay if I do. As a person with a dissociative disorder, I have mixed feelings on the sanctity and permanence of my body. The past and present me’s are hardly the same. Sometimes I fully forget that something critical happened to me in the past. In some ways this can be good (i.e. trauma and shitty experiences) but in others it feels isolating. It can be hard to see your growth when you cannot recognize the person you’ve grown from as your own. So I almost relish in the symbols of my past, even if they are pasts which I have grown from.

I have 2 tattoos now (I guess 4 if being technical). My first was a trans symbol (certainly a poke of irony given that both my transition and tattoos are examples of this same whole fucking thing) and the most recent a trifecta of dogs moving from barking to being smothered by hands (thank you artist archbudzar also). I know that I will likely never love them the same on every day, but that’s the case for any part of my body. They are a part of me and I enjoy that. If I ever felt worse about them, I would always have them as a reminder of the person I was or a laughing story to tell. Even if I were to feel differently about my identity or transition, I could never scorn my feelings in the first place. This will always be a part of me. This has always been a truth in the mind; there is no more harm in it being realized through the body.

When I die, give my ribs’ painted doggies a goodnight kiss. Let every Band-Aid used be in my name. I’m a grown boy, my regret is my own.

#writing #trans #stuff i have been thinking About recently #musings on regret i guess #not supposed to be good #just supposed to be