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#(i'm still technically a part of it i just haven't been able to go to the meets in ages)
not-poignant · 25 days
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Hello Pia how are you? Not really an ask but more sending thanks and love for all of your writing. I've been a reader for over a year now and am still in awe of your skill (and speed!). I've been getting back into writing and struggling with feeling inadequate or like my stuff reads childishly, as a result I can barely get out 5k aha, but I'm working viewing it as a lifelong dedication to improvement. (On a side note: your work got my teenaged self to snap out of purity wank, forever grateful!)
Hi anon,
It is so awesome that you're getting back into writing!
Honestly, it is a sign of a kind of growth to notice the things you don't like in your writing, because if you feel it reads childishly (and I bet it doesn't all read like that, or most of it doesn't), that means you have skillsets already to aim towards. You can see how you want to get better. This is a skill!!! It's a more painful skill, and it's not a good one to listen to all the time, but it's a good skill to have.
When it feels dispiriting you can balance it out by intentionally looking for and writing down your strengths as well, and writing more of those. It might be only a few lines, or it might be all of the dialogue, or it might be the descriptions, but there will be strengths too!
Also 5k is impressive! Everyone writes differently. It took Mark Z Danielewski 10 years to write House of Leaves, and I love that book a very great deal. Quantity =/= quality, and you also have to remember I've been doing this in a pretty focused way for 10 years! Trust me, if you did this in a focused way for 10 years, you'd be in a different place with your output (which isn't obligation to do this for that long, just that...things take time <3 )
I'm glad you were able to snap out of the purity wank mindset anon, it's a tough one to be in, because it makes you feel like you're not safe in your own mind, and after a while it shuts down curiosity because it feels like everything you're interested in has to be examined just in case it's a moral trap or says something 'terrible' about you if you show interest in it. And that's really hard! It makes sense to me why so many antis kind of really lock into what they think and believe, because they've gotten so used to treating themselves with paranoia, how can they not treat others that way?
And that's a miserable way to live. It's the opposite of benefit of the doubt.
So being able to separate from that is incredible! And that's a tribute to your own curiosity in the world, and interest in exploring different ways of doing things, and I think that's really cool. :D
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mintjeru · 1 year
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just a little update!! bc i feel like it
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fortyfive-forty · 2 months
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top 5 tennis tournaments
-@fritzes
i tried not to pick exclusively gs and 1000 tournaments 😭
roland garros: i liked rg previously bc i like clay tournaments, and it was what first drew my attention to iga as well (the first player i became a fan of), but after last year it will always be a special tournament to me bc it's the reason i have miss glass wrist as my pfp
indian wells: maybe the obvious answer but it has to be said. in california also so obviously gets bonus points from me. the only non-major tournament where i've actually gone back and watched old matches from previous years. i love the way the tournament is treated too, by fans, by players, by everybody, i just think it's such a vibe
acapulco: i'll admit i hadn't watched previous years so idc how it compares but this year was so good, the tennis was great but also the crowds were so engaged, fully cemented the idea in my mind that there should be an extended central/south american swing. also as i said before, i like clay tournaments lol
united cup: i just really like mixed team competitions. that's pretty much it. i think at heart i really am a team sport kind of guy, i like it when the players have to rely on each other to win, and team dynamics and stuff, i just think it really amplifies the stakes. this year sucked results wise but in general i think the format is so fun
doha: literally just iga lol. also the trophy is cool. if i was a tennis player i'd be dialed in trying to get that fucking bird
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alocon · 3 months
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Still Irresistible [2] - Lando Norris
Lando Norris x Fem!Reader
written by alocon
Summary: Despite all hope, Lando never lost his feelings for his best friend's twin sister. However, he still hadn't acted on it. Well, that was until the party, which led you two into a long-term secret relationship
Warnings and Tropes: Fluff, part 2 to the story released the other day.
[Part One Here] [Part Three Here] [Part Four Here] [Masterlist]
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Irresistible - LN⁴ x Fem!Reader
"Lando Norris"
You two had never broken apart as quickly as you did just then. The pair of you had been in your kitchen, cooking together for the arrival of P and Max. You had forgotten that he had a key. He quickly placed another kiss on your lips before stepping back, sitting on the counter beside you just in time for your brother to walk in.
"Hello, beautiful," P said, walking over to you to place a kiss on your cheek. You greeted her back, returning the gesture.
You and Lando had, expertly, invited the pair for dinner. They didn't know that you and Lando were together. I mean, God. Max would surely kill you for it. Which is exactly why this wasn't a double date. It was simply two roommates, one roommates brother and the brother's girlfriend having dinner.
It wouldn't be the first double date that you two had. You had also had some with Alex and Lily, as those two had witnessed your first kiss at the club 8 months prior and had a few with Oscar and Lily, who had only found out about you because Lando accidentally slipped up when he was speaking. Other than that, though, no one knew. You travelled to a lot of his races with him, so, of course, there were rumours about the two of you. However, Max was not suspicious as that had happened since he started driving in Formula One. It was how the sport went. Racing on Friday-Sunday, Rumours from Monday-Wednesday, Answering those rumours on Thursday. It was just part of the sport.
The group of you began to discuss how you had been, how things had been going. You all stood in the kitchen talking so that you could cook and still be involved. "What about you, Lan? Have you found someone yet, mate?"
Almost as if it was rehearsed (it was), Lando began to use his excuse. You both had agreed that, had this question came up, you would say you weren't, and he could choose on the day. "There's someone I'm interested in. She's great. We've talked, but I haven't taken her out on a proper date yet." You smiled as you stirred the pot of pasta. Smart, you thought. Technically, it's not a lie. He hadn't taken you out on an official date, just you two, but you had been on double dates, and you had also had many dates in the house. And when you went out in public together, it wasn't considered an official date, so no one was suspicious. Didn't mean you both didn't consider them dates.
"That's great, mate. It's about time you got yourself out there. I swear, since we were little, it was always 'yeah there's someone I like but we can't be together', I had started thinking that you might love my sister." Max let out a chuckle as you thanked God that you were facing away from him as you listened in, more intrigued. You decided to start teasing Lando.
"Awwe. Used to have a little crush on me, did you?"
Lando picked up on the usual jokey-flirting and decided to hit back. "Nope. Can't stand you."
"Yeah, yeah, that's why you used to get super nervous talking to me when we were 13." You turned to him, watching as his face flushed slightly red out of being called out. He was only able to mumble a 'shut up' in response, making you and Max laugh.
"Doesn't surprise me, I was amazing and very funny and beautiful growing up."
"Still are. Except for the beautiful part," He quickly added the last part onto his sentence as he spoke too quickly for that to be considered friendly. Max eyed him before turning away. You began to plate up the pasta and sent Max off to go set the table, P opting to follow him. "That was close," Lando whispered to you, causing you to wack him gently.
"God, Lan. Watch what you say," you responded, placing your hand on his face to pull him in for a quick kiss. That kiss turned into a longer one, though, as he clearly didn't want to break away from it.
"Right. Make yourself useful." You said, pulling away before they could get caught. You passed him two plates. "Go take these out please. This one is P's, this one is Max's."
"Yes ma'am. Do I get paid with another kiss?"
You rolled your eyes, placing another peck to his lips before he grinned, heading out of the room with the plates.
You grabbed the other two, following suit and placing them on the table. "Right, I'll be back in a second, I'm going to run some food over to Martine."
"Alright, tell her I say hi," Lando responded as you went to the kitchen.
A look of confusion appeared on Max's face. "Who's Martine?"
"Our neighbour. She's 60, and she's been struggling a lot recently because her husband passed last month, so we've been taking her food and inviting her over for dinner so she isn't lonely."
"Aw, that's lovely!" P said, smiling as the door shut.
You stepped across the hallway, knocking the door of your neighbour opposite. After a few minutes, she answered. "Hi. How are you?"
"I'm good, how are you doing? We have some extra food, so I wanted to bring it over for you." You passed her the tub of food, and she smiled gratefully.
"Oh, thank you, dear. I'm feeling a little better than yesterday. It's getting easier day by day, you know?"
You nodded in response, accepting the hug she offered you. "Would you like to come over for dinner again on Friday? Like we have been doing the past few weeks?"
"Are you sure it wouldn't be too much bother?"
"Not at all. I would've invited you over today, but my brother and his girlfriend are over for dinner, and I remember you saying that big groups got a little overwhelming for you."
"Ah right, having a double date, are you?"
You shook your head. "No, my brother doesn't know about Lando and I. Lando says hi by the way."
"Oh, do tell him I say hi back. How come your brother doesn't know? Haven't you been together for 8 months now?"
You grinned cheekily in response to her question. She was such an angel. You absolutely loved Martine. She was hands down the sweetest neighbour you had. "Lando was Max's best friend before he was my boyfriend, so Max would be a little upset if he found out."
"Oh, right. Well, you can't decide who you fall in love with, darling." You heard a door open behind you. "Love is something you can't really control. If you feel like someone is really, really right for you, he probably is, you know?"
You froze when you heard a voice behind you. "Uh. Sorry, who are you in love with?"
Martine turned to your brother. "Oh, hello, you must be the brother. I've heard a lot about you. Don't mind our conversation, dear. I was just telling her about my daughter and her new boyfriend. I'm Martine."
'Martine, you legend,' you thought as she smiled sweetly and innocently.
"Oh right, I'm Max." He shook her hand before looking at you. "Where's the red wine?" You turned to see Lando poking his head around the door too, shooting you a wink.
"Top cupboard, right at the back. I had to put it back there because someone..." You paused to dramatically look at Lando. "Smashed up the last bottle we had."
"It was an accident."
"Yep. And now I have to Lando-proof everything." You turned to Martine. "Right, Martine. I'll leave you, your daughter and her boyfriend, be. Do tell them I say hi."
"Of course, dear. It was lovely to see you, as always. See you Friday."
You three headed back inside, Max heading to grab the wine.
Sitting at the table, you and P waited patiently for the return of Max and Lando. You made friendly conversation, as always. You two always got along quite well. P looked around for any signs of the boys before leaning towards you. "So... Anyone you're interested in?"
You looked at the woman. She knew something. You sighed, shrugging. "There is someone I am interested in. Please don't tell Max though, we both know he'll get all protective twin about this."
She nodded. "Do I get to know who? Because I could take a few guesses."
You shook your head. "Maybe some other time when people can't listen in."
She understood, luckily, and it was only a few moments until the boys reappeared, laughing away as they carried the wine glasses in. Lando sat beside you, gently giving your hand a quick squeeze under the table.
Dinner went normally, you all talked and messed about, the usual. You then all retreated to the living room to play some games.
"Oh fuck you!" Max wasn't happy as you crossed the line once again to take first place, having barely overtaken him just before the end due to an ability you had saved. "You cheated!"
"You can't cheat in Mario Kart, Max. Stop bitching because I'm better."
"Right," Lando spoke up before they could continue arguing. "Bed time, I think. What do you think?" The other 3 of you nodded in agreement. Max and P would be staying over so Lando had given up his room, stating that he was more than happy to sleep on the pull out sofa bed in your room.
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You were laid down on your bed as Lando locked the door, Max and P having already retreated to Lando's room and P having already fallen asleep. Lando was the last to come to bed. He took his shirt off, placing it on your chair before removing his jeans so he was only in boxers. He slid into bed beside you, his arms wrapping around your waist and pulling you into him. He let out a soft, content noise as you cuddled up closer to him. "I've missed doing this."
"Lan, it's only been a few hours," you noted as one of his hands ran up to play with your hair.
"A few hours too long, being away from you sucks so bad."
"What are you going to do when you go off to races, then?"
"I don't know." He looked down at you, placing a kiss on your forehead. "You could always come with me."
You looked up to meet his eyes. "To which ones?"
"All of them." He paused, taking some time to admire your face, to watch the way to smiled softly. "Every. Single. One." He placed kisses to your lips between each word before placing his forehead against yours, looking into your eyes.
"Okay."
"Okay? You will come to more races with me?" His eyes lit up as he thought of all the time you could spend cuddling after his races.
"Lando." You stopped speaking a second, your hand moving to the side of his face, thumb gently moving over his cheek. "I would go anywhere that you asked me to."
He pulled you into another hug, his head on top of yours, squeezing you tight, not wanting to let go. He whispered a few I love you's to you, placing kisses all over your face as he spoke. He then placed another to your lips, a longer one than previous. One full of love, adoration. One that made you feel that you two were the only people in the world. One that made you feel like nothing else ever mattered. One that showed you that, no matter what Max thinks when he finds out about your relationship, it really doesn't matter. As long as he had you, everything was perfect and how it should be. You balanced him, you showed him the love that he always dreamt of being shown. You showed him what adoring someone truly felt like. And he found you irresistible. He would always find you irresistible.
-The End-
[Word Count - 2,012]
Hi All,
Another part to the Lando Norris "Irresistible" story because I thought the first part could do with a part two. Hope you are all well, as always, have a lovely day x
Alocon
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slavghoul · 7 months
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Interview from Sweden Rock Magazine 10/2023
Hi, hi. There is an interview with Tobias in SRM’s newest issue, but it’s in the subscribers only section, so I thought I’d translate/share since I guess not many people will be able to get their hands on it. It is about Prequelle and it’s part of SRM’s „200 best Swedish hard rock albums of all time” series. Prequelle placed #68. The other albums may have scored higher, but for now we don’t know the whole list. Either way, enjoy. Very insightful. 
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„Do you think that "Prequelle" is Ghost's worst album?” Now that’s an unusual opening question. Especially when the interview is about an album that Sweden Rock Magazine's writers and qualified Swedish hard rock musicians (including Tobias Forge) have voted as one of the 200 best Swedish hard rock albums of all time. The question wasn’t planned, but comes spontaneously, as a reaction to the first thing Tobias Forge says when we sit down on opposite sofas in the record company office. I'm here for a two-part interview, partly about the EP "Phantomime" (published in #6 2023), partly about "Prequelle". Neither record companies, artists, voters, nor even our writers who conduct interviews for this series of articles have any idea what placement an album has received. Interviews are often done well in advance and we simply don't want placements to leak and become public long before publication.
No Ghost album has ever been on the list before. The idea is actually to end the day with the "Prequelle" talk, but when Tobias Forge suddenly starts with a funny little comment that this album is probably the one that those who have voted think is Ghost's worst or least popular album, I just have to take the opportunity to ask the question: Do you think that "Prequelle" is Ghost's worst album?
No, absolutely not, he says and laughs. If I'm going to be completely pragmatic, I'd say: "How many songs do we actually play from that record?" There are songs that work damn well live and sit where they should. So it's a pretty strong album.
But is this what you are basing it on? "Prequelle" was released after Ghost had become really big so it can't be compared to "Opus Eponymous" and "Infestissumam" which you don't play many songs from. I mean, no matter what kind of record you had released when "Prequelle" came out, you would still have played many songs from it and they would have worked precisely because Ghost's songs nowadays are moulded more to the arena format.
I don't know how to answer that, it's difficult. If the album had been different, it would have been. If I'm going to talk somehow both artistically and practically, I know that for every record we have become exponentially bigger. "Prequelle" was definitely no exception, but it also took us a big step forward and upwards and we became bigger and broader. To the extent that when we introduce old songs in the live set, you notice that there are elements on albums one and two that make some songs more difficult to play. Not technically, we can play the songs, but they don't work in quite the same way as the later songs, which means that there is a slight favouritism.
I asked the original question about whether you think it's Ghost's worst album only because you directly said that this means it's the least popular one.
I'm just so full of myself I assumed all the other albums are also in the top 200, which may actually be incorrect. This might be the best album and the others aren't even there, haha.
It wasn't long after "Prequelle" was released that you were self-critical of the album in interviews, saying that it was too ballad-heavy and a bit too soft. I haven't noticed that before, you being so self-critical shortly after the release.
Yes, but I still feel that way. If, as an artist, I am only going to look at the work with the criticism that one can feel towards one's own work, I think that if things had been different or if I had more time, I might have wished that I had managed to get maybe two more hard songs. Maybe one more hard song would have fit on the album and another harder song might have phased out one of the ballads. Now five years after the album came out, I know that the two ballads ("Pro Memoria" and "Life Eternal"), which I may not think are bad, are one too many. But I know that many of the people who like the band like both of them, so it's kind of a useless argument.
Who sets the length of an album? Have you set a limit, that it can't be longer than this and have no more songs than that?
No, but it must fit on an LP disc and there is a physical limit. I think the absolute pain threshold is 46 minutes and that's 23 minutes on each side. Now maybe Mikkey Dee (co-owner of Spinroad Vinyl Factory) will raise his hand here: "But I can make it longer!" And it's maybe 48 minutes, I don't know, but I do know that when a disc starts getting so full that you start getting close to the sticker, it starts to sound bad. Especially nowadays, because recordings today are so very maximalist in scope. It's one thing if you record 60s music with drums, a guitar and bass where the sound is cleaner and finer or if you play acoustic stuff with just vocals. Bob Dylan records could have eight songs on each side and it worked all the way through. But this kind of fairly compact music doesn't work well. Not only am I a militant vinyl advocate, I think we should respect the fact that most artists don't manage to create more than 45 minutes of good music on a regular basis. A lot of famous double records are not that good. I don't think the Rolling Stones "Exile On Main St" is very good. It might as well have been on one disc. And if I'm actually going to turn it into something completely mundane, I'd say that I think it's irresponsible to sit and make records with twelve songs if it results in the record being 63 minutes long and you automatically have to make a double record. It's pretty wasteful.
When you said that it's irresponsible, I thought you were going to say that it's irresponsible to print a double vinyl because of the environmental destruction that it entails.
Of course, if we're going to be completely straightforward and not do anything that harms nature, we shouldn't even release any records, so I say this with reservation. But with that in mind and for the sake of art, I think more people should embrace the actual given format that has been the most prevalent in rock history. There is a reason why a film is usually one hour and 30 minutes. You can’t take any more. There's a certain dramaturgical structure and there’s a certain comfort in it. Then the CDs came along they screwed that up, and suddenly there weren't two sides anymore but it started one way and ended another. Now that the CD is no longer important and we've gone back to vinyl, creators should follow suit and start embracing the physical rules.
Are there songs that have been rounded off just because you thought „I have to round off here, because if I continue, it won't fit on the vinyl disc"?
We actually had that problem on the last album. „Watcher In The Sky” ended the A-side and the outro is much longer on the CD and digitally. Two minutes longer I think. Much, much, much longer. It's long, noisy and has all these dives. It's a very chaotic soundscape. You get the feeling that it goes on and on, and on the vinyl it's just the beginning of an outro and then it drops almost immediately. I think that was a huge mistake.
So the overall sound quality was more important than vinyl buyers getting everything? Because you could have pressed the vinyl and it would have fit, but you would have had to compromise the sound quality.
Yes, exactly. You can get the song to just keep going until the vinyl simply runs out. Then it just starts spinning in the middle, depending on what kind of record player you have. But the problem then, if you want to anticipate events at a creative stage, is that people today buy and listen to vinyl records and are sensitive. It's quite common for people to complain that the record is broken. I don't just mean our records, but people complain a lot about the presses. If you make ten songs, it's therefore stupid to have a too thick soundscape towards the end of song number five and song number ten. If you want to be really good and old school, that's where you put a piano ballad because it's an easier sound to handle so far into the record. This is what I think about when I make records. But clearly sometimes I miscalculate.
This must cut right through the record collector Tobias Forge's whole body and soul, that "Watcher In The Sky” is shortened by two minutes on the vinyl of all versions.
Well... I don't toss and turn and wake up in the middle of the night thinking about it anymore. But when it happened, I was livid. Luckily it was just an outro. It would have been worse if it had continued with some kind of narrative into the next song. Now I can't remember in my head how long "Prequelle" is, but if I'd had to go back in time and just re-construct it, the re-construction wouldn't have had much to do with the existing material, I would have just wanted to add a scene. And it's not a scene that's missing, it's just for the sake of balance. It became asymmetrical in a way that bothers me a bit.
You've talked about this before, but it was before "Prequelle" that you really started to talk a lot about how you were thinking about what kind of new songs might suit the live show. Can you get stuck in that mindset, thinking more about what songs are needed live right now rather than creating an album that will last 30 years?
Hmm... (long pause)... The reason I'm sitting here thinking is because I'm trying to come up with examples of other bands that I think might have gone through something similar. I’m looking for examples to the answer I'm about to formulate and that is that: yes, I think there comes a point in the career when most bands make a record because they simply feel they need to… Because what we're talking about is that when you go from playing in small smoky clubs in front of an already inveterate audience that already understands the perhaps a little more chewy expression, that experience can change if you start playing in front of a larger and especially a different type of audience. When a different type of audience comes and you play in a different format, you discover that this song doesn't work very well, it doesn't sound very good and it's difficult to get the sound right. Then there's usually a record or two or three during your career when this transition happens where you start filling in with songs that work better live. Look at Piece of mind", "Powerslave" and "Somewhere in time". There's a reason why Iron Maiden didn't play a lot of the first two albums there and then, because it was easier to play the new songs. You get to that point somewhere in your career and it's very difficult to say when it is - there's no given rule and there are artists who continue to release relevant records and have an amazing ability to release new records and just play the whole new record. Well, now Iron Maiden does that and tests their audience a little bit in that way, but then they will always compensate by doing like a "best of" set the following year so everything is forgiven. Now we're in the middle of the "Impera" period here and have a very strong set, but I'm starting to feel that now that I'm about to start writing a new album, it feels like it's not really on my agenda to write three more albums that will change the live setlist ten years ahead. I think we already have the blueprint for what is Ghost's setlist, especially if you include the entire catalogue. After a while, each new record you make becomes a little less important. It's really hard to know when that point comes, but the truth is that new records don't matter in the same way. Slayer didn't have to release "Divine Intervention”. They definitely didn't have to release "Diabolus In Musica". I didn't care about it and I just wanted to hear the old stuff. If they had just come up and played "Reign In Blood" I would have been soooo happy. And that's the way it is with most bands. Nobody would be sad if the Rolling Stones came up and didn't play anything from "Emotional Rescue". And that's just the way it is. In the future, I can see a scenario where there is probably a basis to possibly build up an alternative setlist. There are so many songs that we do not play and that I have nothing against - I love them too! But it would almost be easier to build up a completely alternative setlist and run a show with only the odd songs. There are so many songs now. There's no reason not to build on that. But when I want to make a new record, it's irresponsible for me not to consider that there might have to be some songs that are a bit more direct. But it doesn't hurt me if we have more songs that we don't play live. I don't know if this answers your question...
I would actually like to ask exactly the same question again, because I wonder if you yourself feel that you get stuck during the making of the record. You said that you would have liked to include another hard song because "Prequelle" doesn't have the balance that you would have liked to have in retrospect.
Exactly, but the explanation for that has more to do with my mental capacity there and then. I simply couldn't cope. I felt that I had probably maxed out… It was probably about as much as I could do that year. That's the simple explanation. To get another song that would have fit and that would have fulfilled this requirement that I now in retrospect would have wished I had, it would have required something that I did not have there and then. The only thing that could have made it easier is if I had more time. It is difficult to reason about it, you see.
I was in the studio for a few days during the recording and it's one of the few times in all these years that I've done interviews where someone has started crying during an interview. It was quite obvious that everything that had happened with the split of the band affected you.
Yes. Of course. It did.
Is "Prequelle" a difficult album to listen to for you? Can you sit and listen to it all the way through? 
Well, at the moment I have to do that from time to time, and listen to all the records, because we're just about to start rehearsing again and then I sometimes have to go back and just listen to the record to go: "Fuck, is that really how I sing?" Especially when we start rehearsing, I can be a bit like: "Damn, who changed this bit?” Then I usually sit down and it hits me: "Oh, it's me who has changed my song!" You simply do that over the years, you start singing it in a slightly different way. So sometimes I have to go back and listen, but it’s more practical. I don't think it's fun to listen them. I do it until they are finished. I listen over and over and over again and really try to listen with all the imaginary ears and all the imaginary perspectives you can have. "How would I have listened to this if I had heard it from this perspective?" Just to get as "objective" a perspective as I can until I'm satisfied, but then it's like „No, I don't want to hear this anymore". But I have to say that I think "Prequelle" is a very tolerable disc despite everything that interfered with the process. Therapeutically, it works quite well considering that we are still playing at least half of the album. For every artist there are songs that you want to play, and there are songs that you don’t want to play because they feel too personal. I don't feel that way about this one, it's more like: "Ah hell, they're part of the setlist and people like it and it sounds good. So that's what we're doing."
On a personal level, was Tom Dalgety the perfect producer for you, the way you were feeling at the time? Tom feels like the kindest, sweetest producer you can meet. He wasn't the kind of producer who pushed you very much, it was more of a nice atmosphere between you.
Yes, really, and it would have been different if Klas Åhlund, who is more confrontational, had been in the room. Now Klas and I are great mates, so it would certainly have been very therapeutic also, but it would have been a different process. If an artist comes in who is in such bad shape that they can't make a record, or a band where the main songwriter has just left them, then a Bob Ezrin goes in and says: "If you don't make the record, I'll make the record myself.” And he goes and makes Kiss "Destroyer" or Alice Cooper records. I'm not saying they didn't make them, just that you hear that Bob Ezrin made "Beth". It's a type of producer that's very different from a lot of other producers who maybe act a little bit more like buddies and cheerleaders and make the atmosphere good. Bob Ezrin doesn't care so much about the atmosphere in the room. Klas is somewhere in between, I would say. Given the condition I was in during "Prequelle", the result could probably have been different if Klas had come in. Ironically, there was actually talk of him doing it, but he didn't have the time and we'll never know how it would have turned out. I only know that it would have been different, but right there and then Tom was fantastic. I know that a lot of bands like to work with him because he is technically brilliant. He's really good at those typical sounds that people like: cool drums, guitar, bass, tone and clarity. He is also very "happy go lucky", a nice guy who sits and jokes all the time. Even if he has a bad day, it doesn't affect anyone else, which is convenient.
Let me compare it to when a writer contacts me after an interview and says "that was such a nice interview". For me, "nice" is not something positive in such a work situation and the result is often better when there is a little friction.
Mmm, and that is more Klas. There is more friction and more confrontation. And I was much better equipped for that at "Meliora" and later at "Impera". I felt better and was simply stronger. There wasn't the same survival instinct as on "Prequelle". If I think back, not about how the album turned out and how I have to live with it, but if I think back to the situation I was in, I was very anxious all the time. Even though I'm happy with the result, I wouldn't want to go through the recording again, even though Tom was great. Because it's hard to work when you're under attack. I realised that now when I made "Impera", when it was no longer like that. You are much more comfortable, it doesn't feel the same, you are more mature, you make better decisions, you are more controlled or dare to be uncontrolled. When things are this serious, you can end up in a freeze mode. Maybe that's also why there wasn't another song. The song that I miss doesn't exist because I simply squeezed out everything I had. If I had been in a different emotional state, I might have been more comfortable working out something at the last second from bits and pieces. But I felt that I really just wanted to get it done, deliver it, get back out on tour and start over again.
When you described being more mature during "Impera" you sounded like a 70-year-old, kind of like all the Aerosmith-like bands that have been fighting all their lives and now that they're in their 70s they say "we're soooo mature,” haha.
I think with all artists, especially when they're required to work in a group, there are many recordings that have been a collision with a wall because you're expected to function in a context all the time, whatever and whenever. But you do change and from one year to a few years down the line there can be a huge difference in a person's drive, hunger and priorities in life. Whether you have the same band structure as I do or whether you play in Metallica, people come in one state and they may end up in another, because you have different priorities at different times. It's unfortunately against the whole rock myth. I think that's the biggest problem for bands and businesses, that you always have this idea that if you just get to a certain stage - not just monetarily or career-wise, but you get to a certain stage of fun - then we've reached the status quo. But that is never the case! Never! There’s always something. Even in the best moments when everything is working, the band is awesome, everyone is working well, the crew is awesome, everyone is laughing, it's just a party all the time mentally, you have the world's best tour manager, everything is flowing and the tickets are selling, there will always be someone who doesn't like it and then has to break away and want to do their thing because it's no longer fun. It's usually somewhere in the lead-up to a stage where it's interesting and then once you've achieved it, it all becomes a bit boring. Just like in a relationship some people may eventually think, "well, that's a bit boring, I have to go out and do something else".
Since I was in the studio when you were laying down guitars on "Witch Image", my heart beats a little extra for that song and I thought it would be a great live song, but you've barely played it (at the time of writing it's Ghost's forty-fourth most played song live).
We did it during the "Prequelle" tour, or "A Pale Tour Named Death" as it was called. Then we did quite a few "an evening with" concerts, for better or worse. The advantage was that if you were a big fan of the band we actually played a lot of songs and actually a lot of the first albums, like "Idolatrine" - or "Witch Image". We did a set, a break and then a whole other set. That was a bit of a taste of what I was talking about earlier: doing a slightly larger set and then a slightly smaller one. You just shouldn't do it on the same night because it gets a bit stale. We played for two hours and 30 minutes or something and that wasn’t a good idea, haha. At least we did "Witch Image", but it has fallen behind a bit and it doesn't mean that we will never play it again, just that we don't do it right now. What I've been happy about is that there has been a feeling for the records that we've made recently, "Prequelle" and "Impera", that people still want to hear the new stuff. We haven't gotten to that stage that I talked about earlier when it doesn't matter anymore. Then it's very fun to try to find a new way to perform the songs, not technically, but suddenly a song like "Witch Image" might fulfill a very nice purpose between a completely new song and another song.
Let me speculate: in 30 years, I think "Rats" will be considered the great hard rock song, "Dance Macabre" the great hit and "Life Eternal" the great ballad. What do you think? Will this in the future be seen as the three big songs of the album?
Yes, that makes sense, I think. I understand that an instrumental song automatically ends up in the wake of a "best of" collection, in the sense that you do one in 30 years. I realise it's not a hit but the instrumental "Miasma" is a big part of our live show. It's strong and feels like such a keeper. Now we don't play "Life Eternal" very often actually, but it was very well received. For some reason people like to get married to it, I don’t know why, hehe. It's nice but it's also a bit like U2’s „I still haven't found what I'm looking for" and you don't use that one at a wedding. But people like it and I guess interpret it differently to me. It’s also a song that I don't think is fun to play live.
And why not?
Because I find it hard to play ballads. Physically, they don't feel the same as rock songs. I miss the "dunka dunka". Now everyone who plays music today knows what I mean - sorry, readers who don't play music - and it's that there's a small problem with having in-ear monitors. This means that you have to reach a certain frequency of beats in order to feel the music, unlike when you played at clubs with only a guitar amp behind you. You felt every single note you made and it just went through your body. Nowadays, I think it's sometimes hard when you play slow songs, because you have to trust that it sounds good, whereas when you play a rock song, you feel that it sounds good.
Does it also apply to "He Is” which is such a huge ballad, not least live?
Well, just the intro and then it gets going quite quickly and suddenly becomes a hard and rather fast-paced song. The classic ballad concept has always been that you play so-called edge beats to make it sound soft, while "He Is” is actually a rather hard-played song considering that it is a ballad. Once the drums come in – boom, boom – it's got AC/DC bite to it. It has a rock feel to it that "Life Eternal" doesn't really have. As I said, I don't think that "Life Eternal" is a lot of fun to perform, but that doesn't mean that it isn't quite good to listen to. It’s just that when I play "Dance Macabre" or "Mummy Dust" I feel that I can express myself physically more in line with what the text says and what it means.
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clu-ven · 1 month
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Better than Meditation
soooo I haven't posted in a very long time but I'm trying to get back into writing!!! (so pls bear with me xoxoxoxoxo)
Summary: you come up with an alternative (smutty) way for Crosshair to gain some control over his hand - based off S3 E08
Tags: SMUT, vaginal fingering, semi public fingering?? (technically it’s done in an isolated but public place), lil bit of plot + smut, smut, smut
Word Count: 2.8k
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“He’s still down there, y’know” Omega’s voice brings you out of your thoughts as she slumps down beside you.
You keep your eyes closed, letting the rays of the afternoon sun wash over you. Pabu’s climate is one you could most definitely get used to. It’s inviting and comforting atmosphere makes you feel at ease, a sensation that has become rare since the rise of the Empire.
“Well, you know how stubborn he is,” you reply casually. 
While Hunter and Wrecker are gone to meet some bounty hunter they know, Crosshair has spent most of his time on a secluded part of the beach, focused on correcting his aim.  Everyone has tried to talk to him about it but unfortunately, that only made things worse.
Now Crosshair is more defensive than ever, determined to prove that he is perfectly capable of correcting his shaky hand by himself. 
“Yeah but AZI said it might be some kind of mental block,” Omega sighs, subtly copying you as she closes her eyes too “if he doesn’t open up and let us help him, then how is he supposed to get better?”.
Her concern for Crosshair makes you smile, impressed by how she’s able to delicately balance trying to help her brother without being too overbearing.
The question lingers for a few moments before you open your eyes and glance down at her “And he’s already shot down your meditation idea?”.
Omega briefly mentioned the idea to you that morning and although you were sceptical, you encouraged her determination to help anyway. 
“Of course he did,” she lets out a heavy sigh “saying he didn’t like it is an understatement”. 
A comfortable silence grows between you both as you consider the situation. But before you can speak, Omega quickly becomes restless and blurts out “Can’t you try speaking with him? He’ll listen to you, I just know it!”. 
It’s no secret that you and Crosshair were once close and you can only presume Omega has heard about this from the likes of Wrecker, who wouldn’t give a second thought about mentioning it.
"I can try but..." you trail off, hesitating to make a decision. Doubt clouds your judgement, stopping you from promising anything. After all, you know how stubborn and closed-minded Crosshair can be at times, especially when it comes to being vulnerable.
Omega's face lights up at your hesitant help. "Great! Sometimes trying is all it takes". She seems upbeat and enthusiastic as she stands “I was gonna go introduce Batcher to Mox, Stak and Deek anyways so it’s good to know Crosshair won’t be alone”.
Giving the girl a tight-lipped smile in response, Omega whistles for Batcher. With one last goodbye, she hurries off happily.
You wait until she’s gone before you sigh and slump down again. Although Crosshair has been back for a while now, the two of you have yet to have a proper reunion, leaving you both unsure of how to approach the situation. 
Knowing you can’t put this off for forever, you begrudgingly get up and start the long descent down to the secluded beach. 
The subtle change in weather appears to align with your mood, as the sun dips behind the clouds and a warm breeze begins to pick up. It causes the light fabric of your skirt to dance in the wind as if it has a mind of its own. But it’s only a momentary distraction as your thoughts swiftly return to Crosshair, focusing fully on him and the impending catch-up. 
You and Crosshair were always close during the Clone Wars, constantly laughing at each other’s snide remarks, bickering simply for the sake of it and always trying to get a rise out of the other. Even back then, you knew where the constant teasing would eventually lead to… but then it didn’t. 
Instead, the war came to an end and before you even got the opportunity to speak with Crosshair, the rest of the Batch had turned up at your door and told you that he had already picked his side.
Since then, you have been travelling with the batch. It took a long time to accept that whatever was between you and Crosshair was gone, whether that be a friendship or something more. That died the day the Republic did. 
But in a strange twist of faith, Crosshair is back and so are your lingering feelings. Although, if it was difficult to confront this emotion before everything happened, it’s become utterly impossible now. Neither of you have mentioned it and yet you still catch his longing gaze whenever he thinks you’re not paying attention.
When you reach the beach, it’s exactly how you pictured; Crosshair is alone, his sniper positioned steadily on a rock as he tries to shoot the far off target. A blaster bolt sprints across the water as he fires, missing his target by a few inches. You hear him mutter something under his breath as he tries again.
Flicking his chewed up toothpick to the ground, Crosshair notices you. “Yes?” He asks impatiently, lining up another shot.
“You’ve been out here all day,” you state the obvious “Omega’s worried about you”.
Crosshair doesn’t reply immediately, first firing (and missing) again before he turns around just to make sure you see his eye roll. “Oh, is she?” His tone is underlined with sarcasm. 
A huff falls from your lips and suddenly you know all too well why Omega was so irked after trying to help the man in front of you. Despite the scowl on your face, you refuse to fall into the usual bickering you once had with him. 
“You know she is,” you sigh “maybe you should take a break, come have some lunch and forget about target practice for a while”.
He watches you for a moment, studying you the same way you’ve seen from the corner of your eye “And when did you become mother hen?”.
Scoffing, you walk closer, hugging yourself with your arms “Don’t act like that, you know you’re overworking yourself… Crosshair, please, you need to take care of yourself”. 
The concern in your voice takes him by surprise but Crosshair quickly recovers as he mutters “Oh, so you’re worried about me now?”.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” You bat back at him.
“You’ve hardly looked at me, nevermind speak to me since I’ve gotten back” he practically spits the words out. 
You no longer hold back your glare “Like you’ve made any effort to talk to me!”.
“How can I when you don’t even look at me?” Crosshair challenges, his gaze unyielding as your annoyance fades as quick as it came. 
Coming up to the rock he’s based at, you slide down against it to shield yourself from the wind. Crosshair follows suit and kneels beside you, waiting cautiously for your response. 
Your tone holds a sense of sincerity as you speak, your words now free of any reservations. "I do look at you… of course I do," you confess with genuine intent, all annoyance and restraint vanishing within you. 
“Then you must see me staring,” he almost whispers the words, watching you carefully “I thought you would have gotten the hint by now that I’m still interested”.
A soft smile graces your lips and as if taming a wild animal, you slowly reach out for his hand. Crosshair makes no attempt to stop you and you gently slip your hand into his before you tug him closer. 
Settling his hand on to your lap, you begin to trace your finger up and down his palm until finally resting your hand delicately on his wrist. “Let me help,” you offer “seriously, Crosshair”.
“And how would you help?” Though the question almost seems backhanded, you know that’s just Crosshair being Crosshair.
The mischievous glint in your eye paired with the suggestive smirk plastered across your face doesn’t go unnoticed by him. 
“How do you think?” you question. 
He holds your gaze as if to challenge you to make the first move but you hold strong. This is your moment and you both know it.
A secluded beach? A chance for you both to finally reunite in a way you could only imagine? Both of your minds go to the same place.
You give his wrist a small yet reassuring squeeze and before you can make another comment, his lips are on yours. 
With an intensity fuelled by pure need, he slams his lips against yours in a heated display of passion. This isn’t just a build up of years worth of longing for Crosshair. No, it’s much more than that. It’s an act of rebellion against the time he lost with you because of the Empire, both in spite of his own misplaced loyalty to them as well as his time on Tantiss. 
The fiery kiss goes on for what feels like an eternity and yet the time seems far too brief when it finally comes to an end. The passion flaring between the two of you is intoxicating, causing you to crave more.
His fingers twitch on your lap, eager to do more for you. As if on cue, you both look down at his hand, your soft grasp still around his wrist.
“You have to be calm, be able to stay consistent with your shots if you want to hit the target, right?” you ask, trying not to smirk when you see his sudden confusion. 
In a moment like this, you seriously decide to give him some advice on shooting? Crosshair nods, silently waiting to see where this is going.
“Maybe you’re approaching this from the wrong perspective,” you suggest, noticing how his attention shifts to your lips “you’re focusing on your sniper abilities, looking to re-learn your techniques… but you need to re-learn how to use your fingers in order to effectively use your sniper”.
“And how do you propose I do that?” his voice is low, causing the skin on your arms to prickle with goosebumps. You can feel the effect of his voice in your panties.
With your free hand, you begin to bunch up your skirt, first revealing your thighs and then a glimpse of your underwear. Crosshair can’t help it as a groan escapes from his throat.
You guide his hand closer to your clothed core before Crosshair takes initiative and brushes his fingers teasingly against you. 
He can feel the warmth beneath your underwear, feeling more assured in his movements when he hears you take in a sharp breath. But even with the small boost in confidence, Crosshair can’t help it as a small tremor courses through his hand. 
“Take your time,” your voice is soft but firm in your reassurance “and if this is too much then we can stop”. Fearful that you’ve pushed him too far, you slowly begin to close your legs as you nervously fiddle with your skirt “I didn’t mean to push you so-”.
You stop your apologetic remark when his firm grip stops your legs from meeting. A brief look of disbelief flicks across your face as he spreads your legs to his liking.
“No,” there is no hesitancy in Crosshair’s voice as he takes control of the situation “you started this, don’t go shy on me now”. This time it’s your turn to nod silently.
His fingers glide down to caress you again, this time feeling the dampness from beneath your underwear. Each reaction you give, whether a sharp intake of breath or a slight quiver up your spine, only serves to fuel Crosshair’s determination. He savors these small responses, revelling in how you leave each reaction so bare for him to see.
Crosshair smirks “If this is how you react to such simple touches, do you think you could handle me touching you without anything between us?”. 
“You’d be surprised with how much I can handle” you taunt.
Oh how he has missed how you challenge him. Your snarky response is rewarded with a kiss but before you can melt into it, Crosshair brings both of his hands to your hips and swiftly pulls your panties down. 
The eager sight that greets him brings a smile to his face. Crosshair can feel his excitement growing but before he can get ahead of himself, he’s committed to take care of you first. 
Crosshair teasingly brings just one finger down to your core. A slight tremor causes his finger to waver but after a second, it stops as desire overtakes him. His finger teases you, feeling just how much you want him. Before he can make another teasing comment, you pull him in for another kiss, unable to help yourself.
Crosshair is quick to take control of the kiss, simultaneously pushing his tongue into your mouth as he sinks his long finger into you. You welcome all of him, moaning into his mouth. Taking your sounds as encouragement, Crosshair adds a second digit to your core. 
He pushes in until he’s knuckle deep, successfully finding that spot within you. Crosshair takes your advice to heart. He keeps a consistent rhythm, thrusting his fingers inside of you. He listens to each involuntary squeak and moan, adjusting his speed and pressure of each pump of his fingers to whichever makes you react the most. 
There’s not a slight tremble in his entire hand, his attention solely on you. There is no room for nerves or doubt to creep in and cause his hand to shake. That seems almost impossible now, especially with you like this in front of him.
There is nothing but you and him in this moment, the rhythmic movement of his fingers serving as proof that he has full control.
He buries his fingers into you, pressing the palm of his hand against your clit and delivering powerful jolts of pleasure into your body.
“That’s it,” he coos at your moans “you’re nearly there, aren’t you?”.
A flutter fills your chest as your breathing becomes more rapid. "Y-yes,” you manage with a strained voice, your mind becoming overwhelmed with arousal “keep doing that”. 
You squeeze around his fingers, feeling the tight coil in your lower stomach getting closer and closer to finally snapping.
Your body responds to his touch in the most natural of ways, your back arching and head bowing in a display of utter pleasure. Your hand instinctively searches for contact, grabbing hold of his knee as the overwhelming sensation begins to consume you.
Your legs twitch, eyes rolling back in your head and a rather loud moan escapes your lips as the satisfaction you feel begins to peak. 
Bliss floods your entire being and the mixture of your moans and whimpers blend together in a melodic harmony. Every movement of his hand guides you through the waves of ecstasy, sending shivers through your body. 
Crosshair hums approvingly as you come down from your sigh. Almost reluctantly, he takes his hand away from you and examines his sticky but steady fingers. “My hand hasn’t been able to do so much and remain so still since… well, ever since Tantiss” he comments.
Trying to give your shaky legs more time to recover, you fix your panties before you reposition your skirt. Stealing a glance at Crosshair, you’re glad to see you’re not the only one with flushed cheeks. You smile almost bashfully as you lean on the rock to stand. 
Crosshair is there to help, gently holding your upper arm as you steady yourself. Despite the sass you gave him earlier and the bliss he just brought you now, you find it hard to maintain eye contact. 
Clearing your throat, you try to regain some of that boldness from before “Well then… good luck with your target practice, I’ll go see if the others have made contact yet”.
“What?!” the sound is almost foreign to you; the sound of an utterly bamboozled Crosshair. 
Pushing yourself off the rock, you feel his grasp slip away from your arm. You continue to walk as you turn around to savor his shocked expression.
“What about me?” he asks, trying to be inconspicuous as he gestures to the tent in his pants “I thought this was about helping me?”.
“Yeah, I know,” you reply with a smirk “you’ll get your reward when you hit the target”. With a wink, you turn your back to him and begin the ascent back. 
Crosshair’s jaw hangs open as he watches you go, and he can’t help but laugh at your audacity.
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simpfr · 11 months
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There isn't enough of him.
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I love this lil guy even though i haven't watched the movie yet and I can't find any fanfics of him? Not even on ao3 dude. So I'm gonna do it myself. Correct me if i make mistakes or if he's out of character.
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I wish you knew.
Part 1.
"You don't think that's weird, do you?" he asked with worry in his voice as he looked you deep in the eye, searching for the slightest twitch or look of of disgust to confirm that you did in fact, think it was weird.
He just confessed his undying love for one of your friends, gayatri, and how he would stare at her constantly while admiring her every move from afar. Her smile, the way she talks, everything.
But, what he wasn't aware of, was that you already knew all of that and how it saddened you to know that you really never stood a chance of capturing his heart for it was already in the hands of someone far better than you.
Oh how you much you wish he would think of you like that instead.
You couldn't help but crack a smile out of both sorrow and jealousy, "of course not. I would've been a fool to not have realized that months ago."
"Wait what... YOU KNEW??" he exclaimed while crawling over to your side of the bed to hold your shoulders in a tight grasp.
With the way he was acting you would've thought i confessed to being a master mind behind a mass genocide.
"Well, who wouldn't be able to recognize that luxurious hair of yours nearly everywhere they go?" you sassed while rolling your eyes playfully to which he smiled at.
"Should've followed y'all with a bald cap on then."
was it wrong that you liked how close he was to you right now? If only you leaned in a little closer so you could—
"Oh no, You don't think she realized too do you!?" dang it.
with a long sigh, you answered, "No pavitr, I- she's as busy as bee. She doesn't have time to look around her surroundings and look at people."
for a split moment, it looked as if he had something to say but decided to go against it and just nod instead.
Nothing after was said. Just pure silence that was neither comfortable or awkward. A loud beep came from his watch he for some reason randomly got three months ago as a disappointed look arose upon his face.
"Uh, I gotta go. Remember to close the door and leave the key in the machine, okay?" he smiled before leaving with a bag in hand not giving you the opportunity to respond.
"Sure." you said to..well, technically the door.
-
Surprisingly, you didn't end up leaving but instead ended up accidentally falling asleep which, in your mind, was considered disrespectful but it's not like you did it on purpose.
You got out of his bed and remade it before proceeding to clean the house as a way of saying "sorry for over staying my stay". Pavitr was a tidy person so there wasn't much of a mess in the first place and it made you finish right in time to hear a crash from inside the hall.
Quickly, you grabbed the most damage doing item, which was ironically a bat, and began to approach the room.
"Shit. I really did a number on myself this time.." the voice you guessed belonged to whoever cause the loud bang before said. Wait was it—
"Pavitr?..." the boy looked at you in shock, face fully appalled as if he was caught in the midst of committing a crime.
He had cuts and bruises everywhere while his breath was clearly unsteady making you even more concerned than you were before.
"Are you okay!??!" you exclaimed as you rush towards him dropping the bat in your hand as you did so. you began looking all over him for more injuries that you haven't seen while asking questions like, "who did this?" "does it hurt?" and not before long you realize he had a deep gash on his left cheek.
You carefully placed your hand behind it, rubbing the area to cease the pain, "you aren't in a gang, Are you?" the question was dumb and naive yet you still asked, and to that he let out a heart filled laugh as he placed his hand over yours, "I'm fine, and no I'm not in a gang, y/n." he gave your hand a quick squeeze before placing back to your side.
"Are you sure? You look like you've been working out a lot..."
What you said didn't click for a hot minute before, boom.
You wanted to off yourself.
And of course, the boy who you complimented had the most cockiest smirk known to man on his face, "that's where your mind was at?"
Not even bothering to explain yourself, you went for the first kid and returned.
"Sit."
He compiled without a fight, probably exhausted from the standing up for so long after already being tired.
And with that, you began to work your magic.
·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳
You ended up cuddling after you both took a shower (not together) and pavitr immediately fell asleep while you were caught up with your thoughts.
Does anything I do make him feel like i do whenever he does something?
Does what we're doing right now make him as flustered as I am?
Did anything I do matter?
Truthfully, you wanted the fact you did what you did to consume his mind and make him feel the way you do for him which could be admitted as...weird.
You just wanted your feelings to be returned, was that too much to ask for?
You couldn't help but stare and admire his features and the way the dim moonlight blocked by the curtains complimented his features so well.
"I wish you knew."
╞══════════╡
Part 2
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charmandabear · 3 months
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Office Hours - Chapter Two
Summary:
You really want to get Astarion back for making you feel so flustered, but as a result you find yourself in a bit of an uncomfortable position.
Pairing: Astarion/F!Reader Rating: E Word Count: 3.7k Tags/Warnings: unprotected p in v sex, under-the-desk blowjobs, semi-public sex, vampire bites, modern au, college/university au, urban fantasy, enemies to lovers, poor gale doesn't deserve this
Oh shit she's writing? I had like six other things planned but I can't keep away from this world. Once again thank you @zipzoomzaria for the beautiful screenshots and also the inspo for Professor Astarion, and @aw11tht33tha for the beta!
You don't need to have read part 1 for this part to make sense, but it does help.
Read on AO3 ~ Masterlist
Ever since you slept with Astarion - or, perhaps more accurately, he fucked you mercilessly over his desk - you haven't been able to get him out of your head. It's been a little embarrassing, frankly. Every time you pass him in the hallway, a single glance over those round wire frames has you suppressing the moan that bubbles in your throat. One whiff of his fragrance and your pussy clenches in a Pavlovian response.
You're standing in front of your mailbox in the main office, reading some memo from the chair about season selection for next year. It's always a tedious process where no one can agree and you somehow all end up with shows you hate.
You smell him before you hear him, and you can feel your ears grow hot. He comes up behind you, standing closer than is probably necessary, and reaches above you to empty his own mailbox.
“Pardon,” he says politely, but you feel like he’s going out of his way to brush against you. A shiver runs down your spine as he very gently grazes the back of your neck while shuffling through the papers. 
He turns and starts chatting amicably with Grace. How can he stay so cool when you're practically in shambles? You pretend that you're still reading the short memo just to collect yourself. When he finally leaves the main office, you manage to turn around and imitate some semblance of a normal person. Grace catches your eye and frowns.
“Are you feeling okay? You're looking a little flushed,” she asks, genuine concern coloring her voice. You twist your face into a smile, hoping that it reads like gratitude rather than annoyance.
“Yeah, I'm fine, thank you. Probably just a little dehydrated,” you say, putting a little extra rasp in your voice to sell your story.
“I’m about to leave for lunch, I can grab you something from the student union, if you're thirsty.” She smiles sweetly, fully unaware of the double entendre.
“I'm good, I have some water back in my office. I appreciate the offer, though.” The smile is now plastered to your face as you move to leave the office. You bump into Karlach while trying to make a hasty exit.
“Gods, soldier, you okay? You look like you just got out of a sauna.” She claps you on the shoulder and your knees buckle. The technical director had spent 10 years in the army, so you can't really fault her for the nickname, or the smack to the shoulder, for that matter.
“Just a little thirsty, is all,” you reply, continuing to scoot your way out of the office. 
“Yeah ya are!” She points two finger guns at you and flashes a big suggestive smile. You freeze for a half second, then realize she’s making a generic lewd joke and not pointedly calling you out for your current condition. You awkwardly finger gun back as you finally slip through the doorway and book it to your office.
You sit down at your desk and grab your water bottle, taking a long sip. It's unbelievable how much of a hold he has on you. What you wouldn't give to be able to fluster him as much as he does you. Have him struggle for words. Make him look like an idiot in front of your colleagues.
You think back to your bathtub fantasy from a few days ago. You could not have predicted the dynamic more incorrectly. You really thought that you'd be the one in control, that you could have him coming undone for you. The image of him whimpering beneath you still sets your heart racing, though it can't be further from the truth. Your breath hitches slightly as the scenario plays out vividly in your mind, like your own personal erotica.
“It must be rather exciting, whatever's got your blood going that way.” His sultry voice interrupts your debaucherous thoughts and you yelp in surprise. You glare at him leaning in the doorframe, hands in his pockets and collar casually unbuttoned, looking like an absolute treat. He chuckles and saunters into your office, settling into one of the chairs across from your desk and crossing his lithe legs. Despite your newfound attraction, he's still an arrogant little shit.
“I thought you couldn't come in uninvited,” you scowl, keeping your voice low for fear of someone overhearing.
“I don't recall being invited last time, but you didn't seem to mind,” he says with a laugh, and you squirm under his piercing red gaze. “Regardless, the rule only applies to homes, not individual rooms within a public university.”
Your frown deepens, unsure if he's being condescending or not.
“Is there something I can help you with, or are you just here to frustrate me?” You lean back in your chair and cross your arms, trying to imitate his casual authority. You're not terribly successful.
“You seem to be doing that perfectly well yourself, the way I could hear your arteries pumping from down the hall.” His smile widens, flashing just a hint of fang, and your resolve weakens. He stands and stretches his arms above his head, his shirt raising just enough for you to see a sliver of porcelain skin. You’re positive he’s just doing this to annoy you.
“Well, when you have a free moment, stop by my office, I have something to show you,” he drawls, an almost bored lilt coloring his tone. “And do try to keep that pulse of yours under control, it’s distracting to the point of vulgarity.” He glances at you over his glasses one more time before retreating into the hall again.
You cross your legs, trying to ease the ache between your thighs. He's absolutely insufferable. And he’s so much worse now that he knows he has this power over you.
You gather your materials for Voice and Speech, plotting ways to enact your revenge.
***
Against your better judgment, you find yourself walking toward Ancunín’s office after class. You take a moment before knocking on the door, smoothing down the front of your dress and tousling your hair to give it a little more volume.
Suddenly the door opens and Mol comes barrelling out in a huff.
“D’you believe this berk? Gettin’ on my tail for ‘academic integrity.’ Ain't nobody more integrous than me!” she grumbles, adjusting her bag angrily. She turns her heated gaze to you.
“Can you talk to your boyfriend and tell him to leave me alone?” she spits and you splutter involuntarily.
“Mol, we’re not–”
“Come off it, miss. Everyone sees the way you look at ‘im. Just work your magic so I can get back to gettin’ a college education.” And without another word, she's off. You blink, trying to make sense of what just happened. Are the students talking about the two of you?
Shaking your head, you knock on the door frame as you walk into his office. It's just as cozy as last time, warm light emanating from lamps in every corner to compensate for the blackout curtains over the windows. Honestly, how does anyone not know he's a vampire? You can almost hear his excuse, something about how “direct sunlight is ruinous to one’s skin.”
“Destroying students' lives by keeping them academically honest?” you smirk as you gently close the door behind you with your foot. He takes off his glasses and pinches the bridge of his nose.
“I swear, that girl is too clever for her own good. I'd almost respect it if she didn't get on my last nerve,” he sighs, putting his glasses back on and glancing up at you. His expression softens for a second before quickly shifting to mischievous. You slide over to him, leaning against the edge of his desk as you face him.
Any animosity you may have held dissolves as he looks up at you, his hand absentmindedly stroking your thigh just under the hem of your skirt. You shiver as you try to keep your voice steady.
“You said you had something to show me, professor?” You emphasize the title with the gusto of a young porn star. He smirks and pulls you down until you're straddling his lap. You wrap your arms around his neck and grind your hips into him, feeling the beginnings of an erection. He lets out a little puff of air that can almost be mistaken for a moan. He buries his face into your tits, running his nose along the neckline of your dress and slides his hands under your skirt to cup your ass. You breathe in sharply, your breasts rising to meet his lips.
Then a knock at the door.
You both freeze and stare at one another. You hear a muffled voice on the other side.
“Dr. Ancunín, do you have a minute? I have something extremely important to tell you,” Dr. Dekarios from the School of the Weave shouts through the door.
Astarion instinctually replies, “Just a minute!” and the two of you share a wordless exchange.
-What the fuck are you doing?
-I don't know, I panicked!
-What am I supposed to do?
-Hide, perhaps?
Without thinking you slide off his lap and under the desk. Just in time, too, as Dr. Dekarios doesn't wait for Astarion’s permission to open the door and waltz right in.
“Dr. Ancunín, thank goodness, I hope I'm not interrupting anything.” You can hear the Arcana History professor rush in and eagerly sit down in the red velvet lounge chairs across from Astarion’s desk. You groan internally as you realize that you might be stuck here for an unbearably long time.
“Actually, Dr. Dekarios, I was on my way out,” Astarion says as he starts to stand before quickly reversing that decision. You realize with a smug sense of satisfaction that he’s still slightly aroused.
“Completely understand, I'll keep this brief, then. So, the other day, you and I spoke of the use of bardic magic and its position amongst playwrights in Renaissance England.”
“Yes, I recall,” Astarion responds through gritted teeth. He sinks back down in his chair,  resigned to sitting through this conversation.
“And how it was common practice at the time to use magic from the college of swords as decreed by Elizabeth? Ben Jonson, Marlowe, Beaumont and Fletcher, they all used college of swords magic.” Dr. Dekarios’ voice increases in pitch with his excitement. You suppress a sigh, preparing yourself for a long wait in this cramped space. It’s not particularly comfortable, especially with trying to keep out of the way of Astarion’s long legs.
Although…
You might not have to keep out of the way. Maybe if you just… brushed your hand along his leg…
Astarion coughs to hide the sudden intake of breath your touch causes. He crosses his legs and you smile knowing it's to give himself a little reprieve. A feeling you know all too well.
“Yes,” Astarion says, his voice frustratingly steady, “I recall your enthusiasm in telling me this.”
You're trying to read his response. Is he into this? Is this a game he wants to play? You test your luck again, dragging your fingers up his thigh more deliberately. His leg quivers and he shifts his posture as the Arcana professor continues.
“Well, I had a thought. Consider this: Shakespeare brought about a major shift in how we think of the Western theatrical canon as it pertains to bard magic, correct?”
You scooch forward and press your tits into his knees that are now pinched tightly together. You slide your hands up his inner thighs, prying them apart slightly. You lean into his legs further as your hands continue their journey upward, squeezing as they get to the top of his thigh.
He kicks suddenly, a soft thump into the back of the desk. Is he telling you to stop? You pull back and glance up at him, the top of the desk obscuring most of his face. He's stiffly nodding along to Dekarios’ rambling.
“And remind me, what other major storytelling convention did Shakespeare also shift during this time?” You honestly can't tell if he’s actually asking, or giving Astarion a mini exam in his own specialty.
You wait for a response from him. He lets his thighs fall open and gently nudges your hip with the side of his shoe. No, his foot.
This mother fucker is playing footsie with you?
Oh he is definitely into your little game.
You push his legs open again, this time sliding your hands all the way up to his cock, and you feel it twitch beneath the wool of his pants. You gently stroke him and his hips give a subtle twist into you.
“I'm not sure–” Astarion begins, but stops short when his voice cracks. You nuzzle his bulge,  running your lips across it as it hardens. You slip a hand under him and give his balls a gentle squeeze. You can hear his breath stutter, but it's unlikely Dekarios can as he quickly answers his own question.
“The humors, correct? My understanding of non-magic literature isn't fully up to snuff, but I am correct in remembering this, yes?”
You lick a fat stripe across the fabric and you hear a metallic click above your head, like his watch just made sudden contact with the surface of the desk. You can imagine the veins in his hands bulging as he clasps them together tightly.
“Hm, no, ah yes, you are correct. Most English Renaissance playwrights understood characters as a balance or imbalance of the four humors.” Astarion manages to keep his voice relatively even, and you know you need to up your game. You reach up to undo his belt buckle as quietly and efficiently as possible. Luckily, you’re able to hide the noise within Dekarios’ exclamation.
“Yes! That's exactly what I was thinking! So, hear me out. What if these two shifts were related? In moving away from college of swords magic, Shakespeare felt less constrained by the four humors. Or perhaps the other way around?”
You reach into his pants and free his cock, now fully hard, and tease your fingers along his shaft. His hips buck a little more forcefully, as though controlling his movement is growing more difficult. You grip his pelvis tightly, holding it in place, and relishing the fact that you have the control for once. You flick the tip of your tongue across his slit and his hips twitch again under your hands.
“Could be…” is all Astarion can manage to reply. Hopefully at this point Dekarios is in a full-on oration and he won't need to contribute much, if at all.
You pop the head of his cock into your mouth, working the underside of it with your tongue. You clamp your arms down on his thighs, pulling them closer to you and pushing them into your tits. Your inner thighs grow damp as your own arousal quickens. You squirm as a miniscule moan works its way into your mouth. Not loud enough for anyone to hear, you hope, but you're certain that Astarion can feel the vibration because his hips jerk again. His torso and face above, or at least what you can see of it, gives little away.
“And this could even,” Dekarios continues, showing no sign of awareness of anything else happening in the room, “signal the shift into realism, could it not? Beginning with Shakespeare and culminating with Chekhov and Ibsen in the nineteenth century?”
You take in more of him, relaxing your tongue and letting him fill your mouth, discovering his taste. He almost lifts off his chair in his attempt to thrust into you, and you use it as a way to take him in deeper. Your jaw is beginning to ache with how slow you're going, but it's worth it to feel Astarion’s frustrated discomfort.
You can hear him take a slow breath before speaking again.
“You know who would absolutely love this discovery of yours?” His voice is low, smooth, as you bob your mouth on his cock. “Tav, the classical theatre professor. Her office is right down the hall.”
You choke and he deftly covers the sound of your gag with a cough.
“Bless you,” Dekarios says after a fraction of hesitation. He continues as though there was no interruption at all.
“Then I shall share my findings with her! Down the hall, you say?”
“Room 208.”
“Excellent!” Dekarios stands and you wrap your hand around the base of Astarion's shaft, letting some saliva dribble out of your mouth to lubricate it. You can hear the wizard quickly make his way out the door.
“Gale!” Astarion yelps as you twist your hand and swirl your tongue in tandem. He clears his throat and corrects his decorum. “Dr. Dekarios, the door, please.”
“Oh, of course! Apologies,” he says with slight chagrin, and then you hear the latch on the door click. Astarion rolls his chair back and grabs your hair, pulling you out from under the desk.
“You saucy little minx,” he growls and you stumble forward and into his lap, your lips crashing into his. He easily tears through your leggings and underwear, exposing your dripping cunt to the open air.
This man is wracking up quite the clothing bill.
He slides two fingers into you, roughly stretching you out and you groan into his ear. 
“You didn't seem to mind,” you manage to squeak out, repeating his words from earlier with significantly less dignity. You grind onto his fingers with his cock trapped between you, and your clit slides against his shaft. Another shuddering breath rockets through you as your whole body clenches around him.
He yanks his hand out of you and you whimper at the sudden emptiness, but you don't need to wait long for him to grab your waist and sink you down onto his cock. You can feel the skin toward your perineum tear slightly but the stinging pain is nothing compared to the delicious stretch that comes with him bottoming out. He shoves his fingers in your mouth and you arch your back into him, the taste of your own juices flooding your tongue.
He keeps his other hand firm on your lower back as he thrusts up into you. You cling onto his neck, pulling his mouth toward your breasts as they rise and fall with your stuttering breaths. He takes his hand away from your mouth and slides the hem of your dress all the way up to your chin. His lips latch on to your nipple poking through the soft cotton of your bra.
“Gods, fuck,” you groan as you continue to roll your hips into his, and he flicks his tongue against your tit. You push down even further onto him and pull the cup down, pushing your now bare breast into his teeth. His eyes flicker upward, glasses sliding down his nose slightly. You bounce harder on his cock and grip the back of his neck tightly.
“Fuck, please, bite me,” you whine, aching to feel every part of him in you. He doesn't need to be told twice and he sinks his fangs into the sensitive flesh around your nipple. You cry out but try to stifle the noise by pressing your open mouth into his hair. You can smell that citrusy fragrance he wears and your fingers claw into him.
He sucks your blood out from around your tit, and with every swallow he laps his tongue against you, over and over. You're certain his devil tongue will be your demise.
Your pace increases and it becomes harder to suppress your moans. You clamp your mouth shut and bury your face into his ear. He releases your breast and roughly kisses you to keep you quiet, the taste of iron filling your mouth.
You come with an explosive cry that gets swallowed into his kiss. As you're still riding the wave of your orgasm you can feel his, his hips rutting as his dick throbs with the pulse of his semen.
The two of you finally slow, the sticky mess between you squelching lewdly. You listen intently past the sound of your heavy breathing to try to hear any indication that someone overheard. When you deem it safe, you let out a sigh of relief that dissolves into giggles. He drops his forehead into your shoulder as the hem of your dress gets overtaken by gravity and slides down your front
You disentangle yourself from him, wincing slightly at the feeling of him sliding out of your sore pussy. You get a better look at him, your blood still smeared on his lips and chin, his now-flaccid dick slumped above his waistband. You're certain you can't look much better, dress rucked up around your waist, hair mussed and sticking every which way. 
You methodically put yourselves back together, Astarion stuffing his wet dick back into his pants, you straightening your dress and hair. You catch his gaze again and somehow he still manages to make you blush, his crimson eyes peering over his frames. He reaches out to tuck a wayward lock behind your ear.
“Maybe next time we’ll have sex in your office,” he chuckles. You swat his chest playfully only to find yourself drawn into him, not wanting to pull your hand away. It's strangely romantic, and if you were able to think clearly, his hands snaking around your waist might bother you. But your head is still spinning and your cunt is still throbbing with the aftershocks of your orgasm, and little could upset you right now.
That is, until the doorknob turns and Dekarios pops his head back in.
“Looks like she’s not–” His voice dies off quickly when he realizes what he's walked in on. He coughs, mumbles an incoherent apology, and backs out quickly.
“I swear to the gods I'm getting a scroll of arcane lock for that damn door,” he growls under his breath, and you lean your forehead against his chest in deflated embarrassment.
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Text
The First Glance
Hua Cheng x M!Reader x Xie Lian
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Honestly I'm just having a go at this and I'm technically writing about my OC. If people notice it that's good. if they don't well😔. So don't hate on me 🖤✨
Mentions of the reader having a veil and white hair, facial scars.
No one has requested any stories from me I wrote this for my own pleasure. So if you want something that isn't for an OC and is for a reader then come tell me and I'll write you something 😋
I keep editing the story cuz I keep forgetting details 😭✊ bear with me plz.
Míngqín means song bird it's Y/n's nickname
Previous part: Tea Shop
__________________________________________________
You've been by Xie Lian's side for a long time. You've been his guard for as long as you can remember, and a god under him for even longer. A very long time actually, so you'd like to think you know him well enough to predict his movements. Apparently not.
You're at Puqi shrine, cleaning the place up and fixing dinner for you and Xie Lian. You chose to stay while Xie Lian went and to go investigate a ghost groom who was kidnapping brides. It's since then turned dark and when Xie Lian turns up, there's another man with him. You weren't expecting Xie Lian to bring someone home with him, nor were you expecting the strange man to stay the night.
The strange man's name is actually San Lang, but you still think he's strange anyways. After scolding Xie Lian for bringing someone home without any warning you serve dinner at the makeshift table you came up with. You give San Lang yours, you don't really need to eat. You're a heaven official and being with Xie Lian has you used to it anyhow.
"Thank you for making dinner Míngqín, I wouldn't have minded making it myself", Xie Lian says. You cringe at the thought though. You wave a hand, "not necessary I've got it". You sit down and observe as they both eat. Xie Lian and San Lang chat about something but you aren't paying attention. You're staring at San Lang, it's strange how fast the man has clung himself to Xie Lian. You've never seen him before and yet he so easily acts as if he's known Xie Lian forever.
You look away, thoughts straying to the bed laying on the floor. If it can even be called that it's more like a mat. Are all three of you going to sleep on it? Your thoughts are quickly interrupted when you notice San Lang staring at you. He can't possibly see your face not with the veil you've hidden it behind, but the way he's staring at you makes it feel like he's trying to. It doesn't feel like anything bad or alarming, just unnerving. People don't look at you. They usually stray their eyes away, but San Lang does not.
You leave the table, and lie on the mat. Xie Lian and San Lang will eventually lay down too. You take the middle spot. It makes the most sense, you don't want Xie Lian to be in danger. He's always been kind and you don't want that to back fire on him. You figure it's most safe if you stay between San Lang and Xie Lian.
You are already 'asleep', you aren't of course but you're breathing and heartbeat all sound as if you are. You technically don't need sleep but it's still nice to rest sometimes. You can hear San Lang talk about the missing painting on the wall. There's not yet a painting of the God of Scraps, but Xie Lian ushers San Lang to go to sleep instead.
Xie Lian lies to your right, you can tell. After all you've been sleeping next to each other for years. San Lang lies to your left, leaving you stuck in the middle. It's uncomfortable. You aren't worried about your veil slipping off, it's yours to manipulate and you've long since mastered being able to make the veil comfortable on your face. It's the closeness that bothers you.
You haven't really been in anyone's company other than Xie Lian's. No one else tends to like you, not the officials and not ghosts. That's fine you don't like them either but this sudden presence is new and you've never liked touch in the first place. Touch is scary. It always has been since the fall of XianLe. It makes you want to puke. Xie Lian is the only exception to this, seeing as you've been around him your whole life.
It's not that repulsive actually. For whatever reason San Lang's closeness doesn't seem to make you want to hurl. His breath down the back of your neck however makes you nervous. If you weren't a ghost your heart would be beating fast. You can feel him staring holes into you but you play sleep anyways.
"You're not truly asleep are you?" You internally huff as San Lang asks. You didn't think you were bad at it. You ignore him and continue hoping he'll believe your lie. It's not until a shuffle on your right, and a harsh grip on your robes make you realize San Lang isn't talking to you.
"It's not like I was fake sleeping San Lang" you can feel Xie Lian sit up a bit. "You aren't asleep either" Xie Lian exclaims. You can't see of course your eyes are closed even behind the veil you're worried they'd see your eyes open.
"I was too busy staring at your assistant" his voice takes on a teasing tone. 'Assistant' is what Xie Lian had told San Lang you are. Xie Lian is supposed to be a priest for himself and your alias is to be Xie Lian's assistant. Of course it's not who you truly are. You're truly the God of Song and Xie Lian is truly the God of Scraps. San Lang wouldn't know that though.
Your stomach drops when you feel San Lang's hand start to tinker with your veil. You're about to give it all up to move away but a big clap happens right over your face. You suppose it's time to give it up for the night. You open your eyes, and look up at the clasped hands above you. Xie Lian's holding San Lang's, most likely trying to move his hand away.
"Ah I'm sorry we woke you Míngqín, San Lang just needed a blanket he was cold..." Xie Lian smiles down at you. You nod, "It's okay. Let's go back to sleep then." San Lang only laughs to himself and lies back down. You and Xie Lian lay back down too. The night eventually calms again.
**********************************************************
When morning comes, you realize you fell asleep and when you get out of bed you see that Xie Lian and San Lang have already gotten out of bed. You get up as well and you change your veil. The veil is often changed, you don't like keeping the same design everyday. Some veils cover your whole face, and some veils leave your eyes unhidden. Today you choose a veil that only covers your nose and mouth.
You're ready to go outside until something in the corner of your eye stops you. A painting of Xie Lian back when he was Prince in XianLe..? Did San Lang really paint that? Now it's obvious San Lang isn't a mortal. No one would be able to paint it so accurately from 800 years ago.
You admire it for a minute and then go outside. San Lang and Xie Lian are standing by a cut wood pile. They both turn their heads toward you.
"Good morning Míngqín", "morning y/n". You nod back, noticing San Lang's hair is loose.
"Your hair will surely get caught if you don't put your hair up, San Lang" you haven't really spoken to San Lang the whole time since he's been here but you don't hate him. He did somehow make that painting after all. "Let me fix your hair San Lang" Xie Lian offers. He leads San Lang back inside to a bucket of water.
You know Xie Lian is checking if San Lang is a ghost, but San Lang looks like he is enjoying himself, "Are you just going to play with my hair gege?" Xie Lian is quick to get flustered and he puts San Lang's hair into a very messy braid. It looks messier than before.
You don't pay attention to the fact San Lang has started calling Xie Lian 'gege'. You snicker quietly at Xie Lian's flustered face, as he waves his hands telling San Lang he's all done with his hair. Xie Lian is not very good at doing hair, but San Lang looks happy with it. You don't bother offering to fix it.
"A-Lian it's your turn, come sit". You pat the stool. Xie Lian cooperates and you start combing through his hair. You've always brushed out Xie Lian's hair. He doesn't know how to get the knots out. Xie Lian used to just leave the knots there until you forced him to sit down one day so you could brush it out.
When you're finished brushing his hair you tie it up in his usual half bun-half down hairstyle. You step away from him and notice San Lang staring at you. It seems he's very good at staring.
"You should let gege do your hair as well y/n" you grunt and shake your head. No way you were letting Xie Lian put knots in your hair. You love him very much but you also love your hair.
"No it's alright" you wave a hand but San Lang insists. "I can fix your hair then. Gege did my hair, and you did Gege's. I'll do yours" he smiles. It sounds like generosity, but you've found whatever San Lang says sounds like teasing. You almost shake your head no, but San Lang looks like he really wants to indulge.
"I... Suppose" you hesitate. To fix your hair you would have to take off your veil and only Xie Lian has seen your face and even he hasn't seen it in so long. San Lang is very gentle when he removes your veil, as if he's touching something that will shatter. You cover your mouth with your sleeve. To hide the scars, you don't want them to be seen.
Your thoughts are interrupted by San Lang's fingers running through your hair. He combs it out gently. "Your hair is very beautiful y/n, has gege ever told you?" This flusters you, if you actually had the ability to blush then blood would have colored your cheeks. You have strange hair, it's long but it's white. It's always been like that but after ascending the officials were not your biggest fans. Especially since you stayed with Xie Lian. So they often make remarks about your appearance not that it bothers you.
"Thank you" you notice Xie Lian looking at you. You're eyes are the only thing that can be seen but he's still soaking up what you've hidden for the past hundreds of years before you hide it behind a veil again.
"How come this one hides his face?" San Lang asks as he does something with your hair. You don't know how to answer that so you redirect, "Does San Lang want to see it that bad?" He only laughs at this, and he moves into your field of vision. "I'm all finished. Gege take a look at y/n's hair is it nice?" You want to see what it looks like. You look into the bucket of water.
San Lang put your hair into a braid. He's tied your hair with a red ribbon, it must be San Lang's but you'll keep it. He gave it to you so it's only fair. You run your hands over the braid. Your hair hasn't been styled in a long time, there was never a reason to put it up after all. Your hair is usually left loose.
"it's very pretty San Lang. Míngqín why don't you keep the veil off?" Xie Lian cocks his head to the side. "Yes, there's no reason to hide your face." You furrow your brows, you could keep it off. You're just scared to have your scars out in the open. "... I'll think about it."
You hesitate, but you remove your hand from covering your mouth. To you, your face has been ruined. Your mouth has been slashed from a sword from a very long time ago. Scars line over your lips. You wished that they were pretty scars, with neat lines. They are not though. It's not so bad to show your face to San Lang and Xie Lian.
They stare at you, Xie Lian's look you can understand. You don't understand San Lang's look, he looks as if he's trying to soak up the details of your face too. As if your face is something he hasn't seen in such a long time. You've never met San Lang though...
Now that everyone's hair is fixed, San Lang is an exception to that - y/n giggles every time he sees it - , now they can start their morning. It's a good start to the day and Y/n thinks that San Lang has fit himself quite well into their routine.
Even though San Lang is a new addition to your group he makes it very easy to like him. Especially with how much he clings to Xie Lian's side, but San Lang also seems to be clinging to you too.
__________________________________________________
Criticism or comments plzzzz, I want to know if anyone enjoyed it or if there are ways I can make it better. I also want to know if people want to continue seeing the story! Also don't forget you can request me for stuff! 🖤✨
Maple Robes and Lace Veils
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koolades-world · 10 months
Note
Oh my god. Nightbringer Satan crushing on MC and Demon brothers freaking out because it's the same thing that happened with Lillith. Lucifer acts like a clown. (Maybe tries the atic). Belphie too.
NO BUT you think exactly like me, like omg are we secretly twins… The idea is still so fresh in brother's minds since it literally just happened, and Satan is none the wiser. He didn’t live through it after all. He hasn't really had a real conversation about what happened to them since he hates being around them. And honestly, anything that pisses off Lucifer must be the right choice for him. And the thing about the attic! Kinda like to think that Lucifer realized that attic was the perfect place to hide his brothers after sticking Satan up there. If it could contain Satan, what couldn’t it contain? it’s too perfect! I think I just love anything Satan angst
idk if this was a request or not but I kinda wanna write something for this idea anyways so,, ty anon you're literally so cool, sending my love :)
I haven’t gotten through all of Nightbringer’s story yet so sorry if this isn’t totally accurate to what happens. I'm on like chapter 5 and I haven't seen any spoilers... Honkai Star Rail recently came out and my friends are also playing that game so we’ve been playing that. Will go back to Nightbringer soon!
brewing just under the surface
It has been some time since Mc had been outed as a human. It has taken everyone except Solomon time to adjust. At first, everyone was furious in their own ways. Belphie, Satan, and Lucifer showed it in the typical way. It was the most they had truly let themselves go after falling. Everyone in the Devildom was advised to stay inside. Levi and Beel holed themselves up inside, hiding away from the world, fearing that if they showed themselves, they would be burnt again. Asmo found himself drinking into a stupor almost nightly, as when he laid in bed trying to fall asleep, all he could think about was Mc. Mammon was similar. He was rarely home, afraid he would see Mc so he went out gambling or exploring the Devildom to take his mind off everything. Eventually, they began to warm back up to Mc.
Mammon, however, was also the quickest to find himself missing Mc. He began to forgive them and understand their situation. They had been nothing but sweet to him, so he felt like he owed it to them. They had been a friend in a tough time. He began taking them with him on his adventures and gambled less. With them, he felt happier, more like himself. Part of him was kind of giddy they could exist in a state like this, despite everything. He felt like he could forget everything with them. He had them all to himself, after all. Even if they were a human, they were still the same deep down.
Eventually, Beel and Levi came around, followed by Asmo. The remaining three brothers thought they could never forgive Mc. Lucifer had placed so much trust in their attendant only for him to learn they couldn’t even tell the truth about who they were to him. He might be able to come around one day, but for the meantime, he needed to be alone. Belphie had vowed to hate humans for as long as he lived, so forgiveness was out of the question completely.
However, Satan wasn’t really sure why he was so mad. He struggled to find a reason to be mad sometimes. He would rage until he wasn’t really sure why he was raging in the first place, which would make him begin to rage all over again. He had no substantial relationship with this attendant. He was always locked up, locked out, or just too mad to interact with, making him unable to connect with them. It wasn’t on his brother’s behalf either. He didn’t really care about them too much, not enough to be this upset. Mc did technically lie to him, but that thought didn’t really provoke him. So, what was it? That's the mess he had found himself in for the past week or so. He wasn't really sure when he started thinking about it, but he was really tumbling down the rabbit hole now.
Satan was tuckered out after a long night out of causing destruction. He found himself at peace on very few occasions. One of the things that gave him the time to think in peace was after he was tired, or after he had just woken up. When he wasn't angry, he found himself enjoying things, such as thinking or the beauty of the world around him. Because of this, he was seated at the edge of a cliff, looking over the ocean. His legs and tail dangled over the edge. He looked minuscule compared to everything else. The sky was dark, so he stared down at the waves crashing against the cliff. Sometimes, he would overhear his brothers complaining about how it was always dark in the Devildom, but he actually thought it was nice. It comforted him. Not too far away was a road. One of the moons hung low in the sky. The others were not visible at the moment. In another moment of blissful clarity, he had taken the time to learn about the Devildom sky from a book. It had been a gift from Mc. Why they would give him a gift like that was beyond him, but he had found himself enjoying it despite that. It was one of the few things he had not destroyed in his rage.
While staring at sea, he simply thought. With a clear mind, he began to wonder why he still found himself mad at Mc. He hadn't seen them in a while, so maybe the feelings had calmed down. It was positive that he was able to think about it calmly, anyways. He was still unsure why exactly he was mad at Mc in the first place. Perhaps he had thought he had finally found someone that he could somewhat relate to. But then again, they still didn't know each other that well. As he was trapped in his thought, he heard the crunching of gravel behind him.
“Mammon? You out here?” The person he has just been thinking about had suddenly appeared as if it was magic. They had a motorcycle helmet pinched between their arm and torso. They froze once they realized Satan was there.
“Hey, Mc.” He turned back to look over the ocean.
“Sorry. I didn’t realize you were out here. You haven’t seen Mammon recently, have you?” They remained standing awkwardly behind him.
“No.” He kept his answers short, not really sure how to reply.
“Right, thank you.” They didn’t move at first. Then they spoke again. “Do you mind if I sit next to you for a moment?”
Satan thought about it for a moment. “I don’t mind.” He had a lot of questions. They settled next to him. Most anyone who sat next to him sat at least an arms length away. But Mc sat just within reach. Not too close to invade his personal space, but close enough to talk to him on a personal level. If they wanted, they could reach out and touch his shoulder. They set their helmet on the side farther from him.
“What brings you out here?” They asked, looking at the sky too. He had to stop and think about their question again. If it had been anyone else, this would have bothered him by now.
“I’m not sure. It’s beautiful, mysterious. Maybe that’s why.” He looked at them from the corner of his eye. Their looked out at the connection between the ocean and the sky.
“I’ve always loved nature. It’s not the same as home, but it’s beautiful in a different way.” The way they referenced the human works so casually made something within him twinge. Lucifer hated that place, and he should too, but he found himself curious.
“What was it like there?” He asked. They looked surprised, but answered nonetheless.
“It depended where you were. I grew up in a place where everything was always green with life, and you could always find some sort of life somewhere. But I traveled to places where all you could see was sand or the endless sea, like now. The biggest difference was the rising and setting sun. It wasn’t always dark. The sun always rose in the morning, to chase away to dark, and the sun always set to welcome the dark back. I used to wish it could always be night so I didn’t have to go to school and spend all my time at midnight reading, but now I miss it.” They reminisced. He finally turned his head to look at them. The stars and sea reflected in their eyes. “You eyes remind me of the morning. The forest and the rising sun illuminating it all.”
Satan paused again. He has never taken the time to look that closely at his eyes. He would have to look at them the next chance he got. “Thank you.” He finally said. “Do you miss the human world?”
It was Mc’s turn to stop. They still hadn’t realized he was looking at them. “Sometimes I do. But the Devildom has a charm. I’ve spend so much time here, it’s hard not to love. I do love it here.” They looked furthered down at the rocks below, reflecting the crashing waves in their eyes instead. “Someday, I would like to take you there. You would love some of the remote nature locations.”
This statement made Satan heat up. He couldn’t comprehend how they could say such kind things to him, the embodiment of anger. “That sounds nice.” His mind began to wander and suddenly, everything he has been feeling dawned on him. Mc was his friend. He had a friend. It was warm feeling that he didn’t know how to describe, but it did make him want to hold and care for Mc.
“Can I hug you? It’s fine if you say no, I understand.” He nervously looked back over at them again. This time, they were looking back at him. They hesitated for a moment, but then nodded. They scooted over to him, and wrapped their arms around him. They placed their head on his shoulder and inhaled. Satan was sure this was the most amount of affection he had gotten, probably ever. He was almost overwhelmed at first by the emotions he felt.
“You give really good hugs.” Mc seemed to really enjoy the embrace, but he didn’t dare respond. He wasn’t even sure what to say. He didn’t want to let go. This was probably also one of the most peaceful, sweet moments he’d ever had. “I should get going. Mammon is still missing.” Mc sighed.
“Alright.” He let go of them, but they didn’t scoot away quickly. They sat there for a moment, thinking.
“I’m making dinner tonight, if you’re interested. I also have something for you back at the house, so let me know once you get home. See you later.” They then got up, picked up their helmet, and left. They turned around a final time to wave, and he paused for a moment before waving back.
That was the beginning of it all. After that, he found himself by Mc’s side more and more. They went to see more remote scenery, and eventually, they went out in public together. He was still the same irritable, hotheaded demon, but he found it happening less often in the presence of Mc. When it did, they were always there to pick up the pieces of what he has done and comfort him. He was worried he might harm them at first, but they quickly proved they could handle themselves. They knew what made him tick and always seemed to know what he was going to do next. He would still have outbursts pretty frequently, but Mc mysteriously was always right on top of it.
Of course, his brothers, if he even dared call them that, noticed. They claimed they didn't care about their attendant but at the same time got upset with him for hogging their attention. Many times, Mc broke up fights between him and his housemates for this very reason. Even if he wasn't the Avatar of Wrath, he wouldn't have backed down. He still wasn't sure why. He wanted to hold them, love them, care for them. He was smart enough to know this wasn't how a friend would feel about another. Still, he had no clue what it could be if it wasn't that. As much as he didn't dislike Belphegor, he kept finding himself thwarting his attempts to kill Mc. They used to be his least hated of his "brothers" but now he had to say Beelzebub was the least hated now since he would help to control his unruly twin.
He found himself turning to books for answers. There was no one he could ask for advice besides Mc themselves, and he didn't feel comfortable bring this up with them. He was trying to grow more independent anyways. Books reminded him of Mc, since they had been to one to show him how useful they could be. They held the answers to everything, as long as you were holding the right one. Occasionally, he would find himself wanting to rip one to shreds but refrained since he knew it may be useful in the future. Besides, what would Mc think?
All of the books he consulted said the same thing. They described this feeling as a "crush" or whatever that might mean. He thought that word was stupid. The actual meaning was to destroy something with intense pressure and he definitely didn't want to do that. Other than that, he found the definition clear. He thought the word love might describe how he felt better, but he was too afraid to call it that. He did think they were attractive, and he would say it happened rather quick. But what was he supposed to do? They were the only person willing to get close to him.
He was in the middle of reading this book and processing this information when Lucifer threw open the door to his room. His room wasn’t barren anymore. Mc had built a small shelf for him to place his small book collection on. They had done it by hand so he was very careful with it.
“What are you plotting with that human?” He stood in the doorway with his arms crossed.
“Nothing. Get out.” He didn’t look up from his read, but his tail lashed about like an aggravated cat. He prided himself for not tacking him the moment he walked in.
“If you would just tell me, I won’t have to do anything the hard way.” Lucifer didn’t relent. He rushed forward to grab his collar and suspended him midair. “I know about your little crush.” Satan immediately stopped struggling. He was stunned. He couldn't bring himself to form a response.
"That is strictly prohibited. You are to maintain a professional relationship with the attendant.” Satan looked into Lucifer’s eyes. He still wasn’t great at anything relating to emotions, but there was something more than anger stirring in his piercing eyes.
“And since when has that mattered to you? You filthy pig.” Satan snarled, moving to grab the hands at his collar.
“There’s so much you don’t know. You have yet to learn. I don’t care if you hate me. I refuse to lose another one.” The air stilled after those words. He had never sounded Lucifer so upset. It made Satan begin to think. Compared to his housemates, he was nothing but a blip on the radar of time. Before he could even think about forming a response, Lucifer was moving, still holding him. Satan protested and struggled, causing a ruckus.
Mc had been sitting with Mammon in his room, giggling together quietly over another stupid outfit Mc had made. They both went silent as they heard the struggle pass the door, the mood spoiled. They glanced at each other before cracking the door. Mc knew that Lucifer and Satan hadn’t had a physical fight in a while now, so when they saw Lucifer carting Satan off somewhere, they pushed the door open all the way.
“Lucifer. What’s going on here?” When Lucifer didn’t stop, Mc ran after him, causing Mammon to follow as well. He ignored their insistent cries. Mc grabbed onto his lowest pair of wings at the base and dug their heels into the ground in vane. They felt themselves begin to pale as they marched towards the stairs leading to the attic. The attic only held terrible memories, but they were determined to help fix whatever was going on.
As the parade went upstairs, Mc tripped on the first step. Lucifer continued without them, not even acknowledging that they fell. Their knees stung. Mammon was quick to appear at their side and give them a hand up. He had never asked why they seemed so traumatized by the attic, but he knew they even hated being anywhere near that spiral staircase. Dust showered the both of them as Lucifer stomped angrily up the stairs. Their ascent was anything but silent.
“Are ya sure ya wanna go after ‘em?” Mammon whispered to Mc.
“I do. Will you go with me?” They gripped his hand tightly.
“I would go even if ya didn’t ask.” After taking a deep breath, Mc began to ascend the stars as quickly as they dared after the duo, gripping Mammon’s hand. Upon arriving at the top, Mc swallowed nervously as they were greeted with an all too familiar sight. The metallic, enchanted bars looked newer than the last time they had seen them. Lucifer was currently standing behind them holding Satan. Standing as tall as they dared, Mc spoke up.
“Lucifer. What do you think you’re doing?” Their voice came out weaker than intended. Satan had never seen them so fearful. Sweat glistened on their forehead. As Lucifer turned around to face them, they stumbled back a little.
“This does not concern you, Mc. I thought I made it clear that I did not need a human meddling in my affairs.” Anytime Lucifer moved even a little, Satan noticed they seemed ready to dive to the ground or throw their hands over their head.
“Satan is my friend. I’m here for him. We can talk about this.” Their voice wavered.
“What part of leaving my private affairs alone do you not understand? You are merely an attendant. I have attempted to speak to Satan in the past. This hasn’t worked before. It will not work now.” Lucifer shook Satan a little. He growled.
“I understand you don’t want me to be part of that, and that’s fine, but I know a more healthy and less, uh, strenuous way of communicating. If you would just listen to me-“ Mc gently patted the air as a way of showing they were trying to tone down the situation.
“I will not repeat myself again. If Satan wants to act like an animal, I will treat him like one. Since you seem so keen on talking, I’ll just throw you in there with him. If you’re still alive when I return, I’ll consider it.” Lucifer moved Satan to hold him with one hand. As they reached for Mc, they went into a flurry of movement.
“No!” The shriek they let out pierced even the ears of Lucifer. They grabbed onto anything and everything to get between them and Lucifer. They continued to scream loudly, telling Lucifer to stay back. The only thing that truly proved a barrier between Lucifer and the human was Mammon. He seemed shaken by everything, but refused to move.
“Luci. I love ya and yer the best older brother I coulda wanted, but doncha think this is too far?” Mammon crossed his arms, hiding Mc behind himself.
“I warned them already. It’s time they pay the consequences of their actions. Humans are bad news.” Lucifer tried to reach around Mammon, but he caught his arm. Without another word, Lucifer grabbed Mammon’s arm right back and threw him over the edge and down the staircase. With him out of the way, Lucifer easily grabbed the human by the throat. They abruptly stopped making any noise. He shook them a little, seemingly enjoying how they swayed under his grasp and then threw both the entities in his hands into the attic. The door slammed shut and Lucifer disappeared. He could be heard yelling at the bottom of the stairs at Mammon.
For the first ten minutes, Satan wasn’t even sure if Mc was alive. They held completely still and remained exactly how they had been throw in. They were on their side facing away from him. Once Satan was sure nobody was coming back, he crawled over to them. He flipped them onto their back and was met with their familiar face. They quickly made eye contact with him, holding it. They way they stared at him made Satan nervous. Now was not the time to be getting butterflies. The attic was barren. There was no bed, or hundreds of spare boxes. There was little besides a layer of dust and what seemed to be some of Diavolo’s old things.
Satan ghosted his hand over their forehead. They were sweaty. He didn't know what to say. Mc was always better at dealing with emotions, but he knew they needed him. He thought back to what they would do after he had a meltdown. "Does anything hurt?" He first asked. They didn't do anything at first. He just sat and waited for them to respond, because sometimes he didn't respond right away either.
"Just my feelings." Mc cracked a smile. He was glad that they were feeling good enough to try to joke, but he also wasn't sure what he would have done if they had said they were physically hurt.
"Is there anything I can do to help?" That was the next thing Mc always said to him.
"Did you ever read that one book about the stars that I gave you?" He was taken by surprise by the question.
"I did." He had really liked it.
"Let's look out the window then, and you can point out your favorite stars." They pushed themself up with a wince. He held a hand out, to which they accepted without thought. They had lied to him about not being hurt. They leant the window sill as he began explaining what he had read. Eventually, he let Mc begin to explain things he had questions about. Again, he found himself looking at them instead of the stars. The lengths they went for him were beyond him.
He wasn't sure how to approach confessing how he felt. Now didn't feel like the right time. For now, he could just admire and appreciate them. Hopefully, that day would come...
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peachymilkandcream · 5 months
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My Husband, My Monster|Part 1|William Afton x Wife!Reader
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(A/N: So this is the fandom that won the poll! I'll try and keep these and Break Me Slowly regular, but still feel free to give me requests for both in my inbox, I do oneshots and headcanons as well as I'll answer your questions and comments! (Please just read the rules first) I think I have a general timeline and idea of the lore [It's FNAF lore it's complicated as fuck] so I'm going with my best guess on things. Hope you guys enjoy!)
WARNINGS: noncon, dubcon, power imbalance, age difference, manipulation, mind breaking, yandere themes, yandere behaviours, domestic violence, misogyny, violence, William's a warning himself, etc.
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Who knew that a bit of twisted words and cash made all of your problems go away? William had struggled to stay open with Henry Emily's company showing such strides in mechanical technology. He was still wearing homemade cloth suits while his rival had dancing puppets that children adored. His dreams and ideas were being stolen right out from under him in his eyes, rolling in mountains of debt and the threat of closing down looming over his head. They were his characters, his dream, his business idea, and the bastard had to steal it and make it better. Even though he had bought William out of debt all those years back, it didn't change the sting of defeat when the two businesses merged.
Now he didn't regret it, Fredbear's Family Diner was just starting out but it was already projected to be a success. His characters took centre stage and had never been more alive, delighting young and old alike, his legacy started now.
Which is when he noticed the girl sitting at a table with her friend, they were giggling and laughing together over some inside joke. William had always had a soft spot for pretty girls, his more reckless years spent taking what women offered him freely, now he didn't have the time.
However for this girl he might just be able to make the time.
Casually he walks over, pretending to just be passing by, when he spies the job application she's filling out on the table and catching snippets of their conversation.
"I'm just saying, you're not going to have time for school while getting even a part time job." The friend was saying this, a slightly concerned expression on her face. "And now offence, you're not the brightest bulb, you need all the time to study that you can get."
"Well thanks." She mutters, giggling slightly. "But I can't afford college with my situation now. Mom and Dad agreed to pay for most of it, but-" She hesitates with a blush. "I want the full college experience."
"Ooh~" Her friend seems intrigued. "My best friend finally loosing her innocence? Scandalous."
She scoffs. "Look I just haven't found the right guy yet, it'll happen when it happens."
At this William can't help but interject. "Excuse me, I couldn't help but glance over your shoulder and see you're applying for a job here."
She meets his eyes, and man was he a sucker for a pretty face. "Yeah I am, are you a manager here?"
He chuckles a little. "No actually, I'm the owner." While co-owner was technically true he liked to tell people he owned it solely to give himself an ego boost. "If you wanted, I could do the interview right here."
"Wait really?"
"Actually, she's fine, thanks, she's going to get a job with my mom or something. Come on let's go-" Her friend slides out of the booth, trying to drag the woman with her.
"Well I'm going to be brutally honest with you here ma'am, for a girl your age your options are going to be extremely limited. And even though the pay isn't great it's a great experience."
She stops, considering his words before waving off her friend. "Go ahead, I think I'll still fill it out, never hurts."
"If you'd like I can interview you right now, save some time."
"Oh wow that would be awesome-"
"Seriously? Listen, this guy gives me a weird feeling, let's just go okay? And I'll find you something better." The friend again reaches for her to come along, but the girl refuses.
"I'm serious, go on and I'll tell you how it went later."
With a huff her friend leaves, a clearly annoyed expression evident on her face.
William regains his composure before sitting across from her. "So, a job. Tell me what you can do." He crosses his hands on the table in front of her, a smile easily coming to his face.
"Well, I was thinking I would be a good server, I'm good with people, especially kids, and I love to clean. I can cook pretty well too but I think something at this scale would be too much for me." She laughs a little, clearly trying to ease a little nervousness.
He joins in on her laughter, hoping to make her comfortable around him, since that's what he wanted. "I suppose that's fair. Out of curiosity, why is it you want this job?" She was hired already, that he knew, a pretty face with a nice ass? What more could you want from an employee?
"Well I'm in college, and I want to be able to afford just some extras to really experience that life before it's too late."
"College?" He feigns interest, in his opinion all she was doing was wasting her most fertile years and her money. If she's halfway decent at any of her qualifications then she'd easily find a rich enough man like him, pop out a few kids and have a truly fulfilling life. "Can I ask what for?"
"Psychology, the human mind has always fascinated me."
"Oh yes definitely." He suppresses an eye roll, even more of a useless degree, maybe he could help this girl from throwing her life away because she thinks deep thoughts will make her money. "Then I should ask for your class schedule for hours."
"Right, I always keep it with me because I'm always forgetting." She giggles again, pulling it out of her purse and handing it to him. "I cannot work these times but anything else I'm there."
Wanting these hours to know when not to schedule this girl was the last thing on William's mind. "Well I'll do what I can, but it's not that easy, you have to be flexible in the real world."
"Of course, I understand that sir."
"William, call me William. My grandfather was sir and my father was Mr. Afton, so I'm just William." He flashes another smile, coaxing one from her lips as well.
"Alright, William." She tests his name out on her tongue with a soft smile and a subtle blush, the poor girl clearly hasn't been within five feet of a man before.
"Now Miss, have you had any work experience prior to this?"
"No, I haven't, this sounds entitled but I've never really had the need to up until now?"
"There's nothing wrong with that, although I'll need to teach you the proper dynamic between employee and employer. But I trust that won't be a problem, right?"
"Not at all sir-er-William. I'm more than happy to learn."
"Good, all you need to know is that I'm your friend, but I have authority over you so you need to follow what I say without question."
"Why without question?"
Oh she was so naive. "Insubordination, it's grounds with which you can be fired. So best not to stray too far towards that right?" He winks.
"Absolutely-" She shivers slightly.
"Then if that's it..." He draws the moment out for it to seem authentic. "Welcome to Fredbear's Family Diner and we're happy to have you on the team." He extends a hand to shake, which she grasps eagerly, her rows of white teeth on full display.
"Oh thank you so much! When do I start?"
"We'll have you start next week, let's say, Monday."
"That's perfect, that's so perfect-" She glances at the door. "I really should go, I think I've pissed her off enough as it is, thank you for your time." She shakes his hand and hurries out the door.
"Oh trust me, don't worry about it." He watches her go, a small smile coming to his face.
This was just the beginning.
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ms-demeanor · 4 months
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Hey! I appreciate your perspective on computer-based things. I think I need to get a laptop and would love your opinion on decent brands. If you don't have an opinion or want to answer please disregard the q.
Context: I'm often on the move and really want something small, light, and that will last a long time. I'm bad about buying new things or taking things to be fixed so ideally it's not something that dies quickly or needs frequent repairs. For a while I used an iPad for this but I need more of a keyboard than tablets have and the shelf life of an iPad is shorter than it should be for the cost. Mine is 7 years old and only works while plugged in... I liked my Macbook Pro I got for college but it's almost 15 years old and given I haven't needed a new one since I don't think spending all that on a Mac makes sense either. I use a gaming PC mostly but I'm going to need to travel a lot more in the upcoming year. I'm ok to spend up a bit since I want it to last.
I think you're going to have to adjust your expectations about the average functional lifespan of electronics. Seven years is a lot to get out of any tablet and fifteen years is way way way above average for a computer.
At work we estimate that the functional lifespan of a laptop will be around five years and the functional life of a desktop will be around seven years; we include upgrades in that lifespan, like adding RAM and storage.
It is not *unusual* to get more than five years out of a laptop or seven years out of a desktop, but if you are a heavy user of anything other than a browser and a word processor, that's about the time when you'll find that the computer feels slow enough to be frustrating. This isn't a hard limit, and it's not something that everyone experiences because people use computers differently, but if you're an artist and you use a drawing program that program will start to feel slow after a while because as updates and patches and drivers have been tweaked for newer devices they've slowly left your device in the dust.
This isn't planned obsolescence, by the way. Computer manufacturers try to "future proof" their devices to a certain extent, but you just can't anticipate certain kinds of changes. Maybe your laptop was manufactured before there were consumer SSDs available so its operating system doesn't take the advantages and limitations of SSDs into account. Maybe your desktop was built for DDR3 RAM and we're now on DDR5 and people aren't writing programs to the standard of the old technology, they're taking advantage of the standards of the new technology.
Since you were able to use your devices comfortably for such a long time, it sounds like you're not a very heavy user and don't need to worry too much about beefing up your specs. However it does sound like you want to keep your computer and use it as long as possible while paying a reasonable price for it (which is good! I think we should all try to extend the lives of our electronic devices as much as possible!).
I actually think you sound like a good match for a Framework laptop.
Framework is a company that makes laptops that are a lot more modular than what's on the market these days. They're mean to be easy to open up for upgrades and sturdy for heavy use. Most of the parts of the laptop are easily replaceable - including the screen - so you can use them for a long time and easily make upgrades that will help the computer feel fresher.
They're a bit more expensive than comparable PCs but much easier to repair if you aren't comfortable opening up your own computer (framework is intentionally built to be easy for people who are non-technical to work on their computers), and they are a LOT less expensive than comparable macs.
I still think you're probably looking at around 7 years of regular use out of a Framework and it won't *break* at that point, it will just. Probably be a bit slow and frustrating. You might not be able to get parts for it after a certain point. You eventually won't be able to upgrade the OS. But that's true of all computers.
I've still got my 2005 macbook. It still turns on, I can still use garage band on it. But it doesn't connect to the internet and uses such an old USB standard that it is extremely slow to transfer data on or off of and it cries and freezes if i try to use photoshop. It's not broken, it's just no longer useful as a daily computer.
What I'm defining as functional here is "Is able to run multiple programs (including at least one browser with 50+ tabs open and two office suites) at the same time for 8-10 hours a day without crashing, freezing, or losing data and restarting is not a major inconvenience."
In those terms, it does sound like you're probably in need of an upgrade (I can't imagine that your current machine is particularly quick) and I think that a framework laptop would suit your needs well.
If you're looking for something somewhat less expensive, you can generally find a decent thinkbook with a 12th or 13th gen i5 processor, 16GB RAM, and a 500GB SSD for around $700-ish, which is the low end of what I think you're going to pay for a decent laptop. I'm reccing lenovo here because I personally like them and have found them to be very easy to crack open for repairs and upgrades. Stick to the thinkbook over the thinkpad because that's the business line and is a bit sturdier and they are designed to be easier to upgrade over time.
Actually, here's a thinkbook with a 12th gen i5, 40GB RAM, and a 1tb SSD for under $700. That's a shockingly good price for that laptop; the reseller OEMGenuine is one I've purchased from many times before for work and I've found them to be reliable, though the reason those specs are so good is because they've added aftermarket parts, so your RAM and SSD won't be under warranty from Lenovo.
For Framework you're looking at at least $1000, but it's easy to plug and play with upgrades so you can start out with lower specs (except processor, don't cheap out on the processor) and upgrade later. The framework is a bit smaller and easier to travel with, but I have a laptop quite similar to the lenovo and it's not a huge pain to move around - it's very light but the 15" screen might be bigger than you're looking for.
If you're willing to spend a little bit more and you're very uninterested in doing your own upgrades and would prefer the most computer you can get for your money right out of the gate, this is a 12th gen i7 thinkpad with 40GB RAM and a 2TB SSD for $1150. (I've not ordered from this reseller before, so maybe check over their terms if you're considering purchasing from them.)
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mixelation · 3 months
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reborn au plot.... stuff. has plasticity spoilers. also canon characters die!
i said this recently, but i don't have much in the way of an overarching story after tori's, like, 17. part of this is just that i haven't made some major decisions about the premise (like what orochimaru is up to) and part of it is that...... what problems would even challenge these characters. like we have a bunch of weird interpersonal shenanigans but like obviously one appeal of this au is giving tori opportunities for Feats.
so i decided on a Feat.
i think as an ongoing looming threat, i might have some petty proxy war stuff going on. no one wants to reignite a multi-nation shinobi war, but everyone is scrambling to grab things for themselves, especially since konoha just like.... stole from iwa??? ame burned down half of kusa? oto-nin are just? in the wind???? someone probably hires orochimaru. people are out trying to snatch jinchuriki left and right.
so i was thinking thusly: one of the bigger nations captures fuu for the seven tails. ame sends an akatsuki pair which includes tori. somehow, the situation goes completely to shit. multiple nations are involved. the seven tails is released, killing fuu. everyone wants this weapon and they don't care if they had to kill a young girl to get it.
akatsuki's solution is that they should simply control all weapons. tori knows this will fall apart. she also knows that, even if she wrestles the raging seven-tails into a container and gets around the multiple nation's people ALSO vying to capture it for themselves, and she takes it back to konoha, this also solves nothing. and so she thinks: if no one can resist the temptation of a weapon, then i will remove the weapon.
this is the part that's a pretty big plasticity spoiler, but also a few people guessed it so i don't mind sharing. basically, the shinigami doesn't like tori because he can't have her. she's a weird, foreign thing that shouldn't be there. functionally, she can't die. she can be irreparably maimed, so she still has a healthy fear of most life-and-death situations, but she technically can't die. (she's unsure if this still applies in this universe in the earlier parts, but we'll let her figure it out eventually.)
the side-effect of this is that she has more bullshitty leeway with summoning the shinigami than other people. it can't take her soul so it will take things around her more indiscriminately, so she's not going to use it if her allies are around. but if she's fed up and doesn't care if everyone dies? fuck it, we're going to kill the tailed beast itself.
i want how this to be accomplished to be kind of metal and/or gross. you know that scene in plasticity where tori is simultaneously herself AND the shinigami and she's confused? like that but they're eating the seven-tails.
tori comes to later and the whole battlefield is dead, from the shinobi to the plants and wildlife. whatever other akatsuki was with her is either some probationary schmuck, a canon character who got separated, or hidan-but-he's-not-revived-yet (i'm leaning towards this last one). at first i was like "how does she explain she killed a tailed beast" to other people but THEN i decided
tori realizes she's done something she should not have been able to do. she's just created another weapon people will want to use. so she gets up and goes home, and she lies.
the seven tails killed everyone and ran off. yes, even the forest. even the little bugs in the trees. the soil is irradiated. i guess it was pissed off. how did i live? aren't i a barrier specialist..........?
and then of course everyone goes out looking for the tailed beast. like, you can't just have a wild bijuu running around!! but they can't find it. it's nowhere. it will never be found because it no longer exists.
probably at some point she'll tell someone, most likely itachi and/or deidara. hidan might confront her about it. but i just love the idea of her getting a major feat and then immediately denying it.
also she may or may not decide to repeat the experiment
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being-kindrad · 25 days
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Interest in a dedicated feminist online forum community?
What are women's thoughts here on an online feminist community, a forum (like phpBB for example), for discussions? Would enough women would be interested in this? Forum software has decreased in popularity, but is still used for niche subjects/communities. (Some real life examples: https://www.reef2reef.com/ and https://www.gardenstew.com/) I'm mildly interested in trying to set up forum software as a technical learning experience, but only if there would actually be interest in using it (because it would cost me money to buy a domain name and web hosting).
It seems like there are so little dedicated spaces for feminist women on the internet. Most feminist communities seem to be libfem, and/or plainly taken over by men (if they purport TWAW, then they definitely are taken over by men). Tumblr has a radfem community, but it's still part of a larger social media system which involves many TRAs (some of which harass radfems), and men, porn bots, etc. Ovarit is useful for consciousness raising, but it seems to me like the Overton window has been shifting towards more conservative takes than feminist ones, especially in how there appears to be more anti-trans takes on there than actual gender critical feminist ones, which kind of makes me bored of it. And so again, radfems are then stuck in a larger community, this one of conservative/non-feminist women, who are there because they dislike trans people and appear to have found a space where they can safely make fun of them and not actually to discuss gender critical content (the recent realization that I even need to be defending common feminist stances like women's right to abortion on Ovarit has been demoralizing). I basically want to make a place where feminist women can just take a break and not have to constantly be building up from ground zero, defending against TRA insults, arguing against conservative/right-wing rhetoric, and instead maybe discussing feminist topics or just chilling in some hobby forum sections or something, idk.
I was initially going to call it a "radfem community" but I see no reason for the community to not include women who identify more with other branches of feminism like gender critical feminism, black feminism, lesbian feminism, eco feminism, socialist feminism, intersectional feminism (I mean the original definition of intersectional, not "tumblrized intersectionality"), etc.
I think there would need to be some "gatekeeping" involved so that it doesn't end up filling up with neoliberal feminists ["choice feminism"] or "prolife feminists" [an oxymoron], so that would need to be figured out. This community would not be meant to be a place for feminists to have to hand-hold people and slowly explain over and over how gender is sexist, or how porn is misogyny, or how abortion is a part of women's healthcare and bodily autonomy. This place would be meant to be a solace from that. Imagine trying to participate in a Calculus class where people who haven't even taken algebra are constantly joining the class and asking "why the fuck are there letters with numbers in math now?!" The class would barely, if at all, progress. Likewise, this community would be for feminist women to have an agreed upon basis for basic feminist stances, and move forward with deeper analysis. There are plenty of other online communities for women who are new to (non-lib)feminism to learn about how "but I like wearing makeup, it's art" isn't a feminist stance. We don't need to keep spending finite energy hashing this out, we need to be able to move forward.
My basic thoughts so far:
It would be women-only. (But there would be no vetting that would involve requiring to share personal information, it would just be an honor system.)
I think there must be some basic feminist stances that members need to agree on, otherwise the community might as well just be a part of any mainstream social media platform. I would assume a decent starting point would be: gender critical, pro-choice, anti-prostitution, anti-pornography, anti-surrogacy, anti-beauty culture?
Some category ideas I have so far: feminism (with maybe different sections for the branches of feminism, and sections for discussing feminist books/websites/documentaries); politics (with sections for discussing or sharing news about feminist political topics like reproductive rights [for abortion, birth control, bodily autonomy], gender critical, surrogacy, prostitution, etc.; spirituality (for those who are into Wicca, or other spiritual beliefs); casual (for general chat, hobbies, music, arts, etc.)
So yeah, what are women's thoughts on here about this?
Would this type of community interest you?
What would you want to see in it?
What would you not want to see in it?
Has this been done before and I am just oblivious? (I tried searching for "feminist forum," but nothing relevant seem to come up.)
Am I naive and this is not going to work?
Please let me know! I welcome any opinions. Thank you. 💜
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howtofightwrite · 1 year
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Hello there! What are the pros and cons of using naginatas as a weapon specifically? Is it fairly similar to the ones for lots of other polearms? Or is it it's own unique thing? (Trying to get an accurate idea of how it would feel to use one in combat for some writing I want to do.)
Thanks!
Pros:
Firmly encourage people to maintain social distancing.
Slice people you haven't even met yet.
Slice people riding horses or standing on low roofs.
Add ribbons and streamers as fashion accessories.
Easy to carry.
Can always find one at the right length for you.
Better leverage for your blade than if it had been mounted of a katana.
Never need to explain that you're overcompensating for something.
Amazing looking duels with fellow naginata users.
You can use it on horseback.
Try to impress the Onna-musha.
Cons:
A little bit claustrophobic.
Not great in a mosh pit.
Doesn't like going indoors.
Not good against people who refuse to social distance.
No one will respect you for being a samurai, and may still make fun of you.
Still a delicate razor blade.
Fail to impress the Onna-musha, they know all your moves, are probably better at them than you, and are more interested in making jokes about the length of your shaft.
So, the naginata is basically the blade of a katana mounted on the end of a long shaft. This doesn't make it inherently bad. But it does inherit some of the weakness of a sword, combined with the range of a polearm. That said, keeping them intact is quite doable, you just need to be careful about how you strike.
As mentioned above, and as with almost all polearms, it shines in situations where you can keep enemies at range, and becomes a lot less appealing if you can't keep them off of you. This means it works really well in phalanx-style applications. As with all (or, almost all polearms), it has serious value as an anti-cavalry weapon, letting you dispatch riders.
As for it being its own unique thing, yes and no. It is a different kind of polearm, and you can probably some surviving manuals on exactly how to use them. And there is a modern martial art based on the original form. However, I don't know how much of the original Naginatajitsu martial art has been lost. As far as I know, there were at least a few decades between the, “death,” of the martial art in 1868, and it's revival sometime after 1889. Also, when it was revived, it was as a physical fitness regimen, and not as a martial art. That's enough time, to lose a lot of the technical detail, and meant that if it was preserved, it was done so quietly, which increases the risk of elements being lost.
As polearms go, the naginata is pretty light, ranging from about 3 to 8lbs. (Specifically 1.5 – 3.5kg.) Which does make it a bit more agile than you'd expect from a polearm. It's not clear how much of the flourishes you'll see from modern martial artists were actually part of the original martial art or just spectacle, but you can get some solid movement out of them. And even in its day it the weapon's agility was noteworthy. (Though, to be fully honest, I'm not sure how much of that was in the contemporary literature, and how much is from modern analysis. I do suffer from not being able to read the primary sources in this case.)
Naginatas were a very egalitarian weapon, used by the samurai, monks, peasant footsoldiers, and the Onna-musha (women warriors.) That last category has become one of its more enduring cultural associations. In fact the physical fitness revival was specifically targeted as exercise for young girls. (This is part of why the weight range is so wide, as there's a massive variance in shaft length. Anywhere from 4 to 8 feet in length. (Specifically 120-240cm.)) As a polearm, that's kinda short, but the blade itself adds another 85-100cm. This puts the total length at between 6'8” and 11'2”. And, yeah, a three meter polearm is not a joke. Even if there is an unusual amount of blade on the end of that shaft. It's part of why the naginata is immediately distinguishable from other polearms of similar sizes.
The short answer would be that it is a specific weapon, with its own identity. Some of that is a function of physics and some is cultural.
-Starke
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luigiblood · 2 months
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I'm going to semi-retire from the game preservation scene.
This is by no means a decision that I took on a whim. I am genuinely sad that it came to be this way, I've been involved in this stuff for a genuinely long time, I've seen many things, met many great people, also the bad and stupid dramas, which shouldn't really be discounted either, even though this was not the kind of thing that affected my decision.
I have no regrets on how I handled my job and I wouldn't have it any other way. But I just don't have the heart anymore. For roughly a year as I'm typing this, I started to seriously resent any attempt at public releases and contextual research.
This kinda sucks for how I want things to be treated with respect. I blame myself for giving myself too much responsibility and was not able to successfully pass down some of it to other people. This definitely did not help as it took a toll mentally speaking. But despite trying to change this, I found out how I just stopped caring about details, and just wanted to move on. I gave myself a little more time to ponder about it, and my final decision is that, yeah: I need to quit, I really don't have the heart anymore for it.
That doesn't mean I want to stop everything though, there are still things I need to do, and still have interests with, like with Satellaview and 64DD, but I want to gradually move away, and eventually pass the baton to people who still has the fuel. But I don't intend to disappear.
I still have a burning passion for the obscure parts of Nintendo, that's not changing any time soon, but the work I've been doing really just felt like a chore, and it was a job I've been doing for years.
I've been involved with Satellaview since around 2008/2009 with my Hello World SNES homebrew adapted for BS-X. The technical knowledge of the Satellaview was just very limited. I've started then a project to at least reveal how the satellite signal worked, and I got it working (then nocash did even further work that shouldn't be discounted, but he's really just too fast at this). It was my first reverse engineering project, and it was very formative, and shaped my knowledge of computer science like never before. I've then worked on emulation and preservation, managing quite a few dumps of Satellaview content.
Then in December 2014 I've had my first version of the 64DD Disk Dumper, done with help from the N64 scene people, on December 31st, all commercial 64DD titles were dumped, then I worked on 64DD emulation for a bunch of emulators, based on the works of Happy_ from MAME, and eventually was able to write my very own emulation code from scratch and higher accuracy than before on Ares. This year will be 10 year anniversary of my 64DD Disk Dumper.
So I've been doing this stuff for like, 15 years at this point, and now... Aside from the fact that I haven't been as into it as I used to, I also got older. I'm at an age where I'm sorta thinking if I want to do other things with my life, but in that case, other things have to be put on the wayside, to an extent.
I can't say what I will bring in the future, I have tons of ideas, and besides, I'm still gonna be behind a few game preservation works here and there, but my involvement will be limited from now on.
Also, Nintendo: Don't think I'm done datamining your NSO apps lol You still have so much shit that we don't have and I'm not gonna give up on having hints.
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