#Also to this day I feel like a fraud. I think it's an artist thing I just feel like I'm a sham BC it's all based on earlier artists | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

happy74827 · 2 months

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Prisoner of Love

[S6! Mike Ross x Female!Reader]

Synopsis: Making the effort to explain himself, Mike certainly has a lot on his plate, including breaks, not just from jail.

WC: 3205

Category: Slight Angst, Slight Fluff

This was an intrusive thought that I just wrote up last night… so, enjoy! (thanks for your wonderful feedback @yoursacredqueenmother)

『••✎••』

“Mike?”

You were in utter shock to see your friend Mike standing in front of you. Your best friend, the one person who always seemed to be there for you no matter what had turned out to be not only a complete fraud but also now a criminal. You were in such a state of disbelief that you hadn't realized you were standing there, looking at him, with your mouth agape and eyes wide.

After you said his name, you didn't know what else to say. Mike stood there with his hands on the door frame, not wanting to take one step forward and risk coming inside your apartment. He looked nervous, his head darting all over, trying to avoid eye contact with you. His breathing was quick and short as if he had just run a marathon, and his lips were pressed into a fine line, which meant that he was thinking of something to say.

Mike was arrested, he was in jail for two years because of a plea deal, and now here he was, standing in front of you only weeks later like it was any other day.

The silence was killing you. Mike still wouldn't make eye contact, and you were starting to feel the anger boil up inside of you. You felt betrayed. You had spent almost four years working at Pearson-Hardman with him and Rachel, and you considered yourself friends with him and his “on a break” girlfriend, so this came as a huge shock to you. You never saw him as a fraud, never would have suspected it in a million years, but here he was—a liar, a con artist, and now a fugitive.

Mike finally looked up at you, and the first thing he noticed was the tears forming in your eyes. Seeing you cry hurt him, but not as much as the words that came out of your mouth.

"Go away."

His eyes gave away the fact that he clearly was expecting this, but that didn't mean it hurt any less. The blue turned a dark gray, the way they always did when he was upset, and his eyes fell back down to the floor.

"Look, I— I’m not here to make excuses. I know that I just… Don’t you even care to know why I’m here? What happened to me?" He asked, finally finding the strength to keep eye contact.

"Could be more bullshit," you said, folding your arms across your chest and leaning against the door. You didn’t want to admit that you did want to know what happened to him. You were concerned; of course, you were. That was part of the reason you were so upset with him. Even after all that he put you through, the worry for him was still there.

"Can I at least explain myself?" Mike asked, and you rolled your eyes at his question.

"You already did, Mike. Well, everyone except me, apparently. You, Rachel, Harvey, Jessica, Louis. All of you knew about this, but I didn't. And why is that?"

"I told you I didn't want you to get involved," Mike replied. “You don’t deserve to go down for my mistakes. It was selfish of me to do that, I know that, but I thought I was protecting you."

"Yeah, well, you just stabbed me in the back instead," you said.

"Can I come inside? I only have so much time before—"

"Oh, so you’re protecting me again?" You asked, not waiting for an answer. "By breaking out of prison and coming to my place. I don't even want to think about what would happen to me if someone found out I'm hiding a fugitive!"

"I’m not—” Mike took a second to compose himself and start again. He couldn’t blame you for being so mad, not after everything he did. "I didn’t break out. I got released… sort of. It’s a bit messy, but to sum it up, I’ve got six hours with an ankle monitor."

"Then why are you here? Why not with Harvey?" You asked. "Or Rachel? I'm sure she’d be glad to see you, and she's better equipped to handle this."

"’Cause we need to talk. Now, can you let me inside, please? I’m feeling a little exposed out here," he said, his hand motioning towards the outside hallway.

Jokes. Of course, he would use jokes at a time like this.

“… Fine. You have an hour, tops. Then you have to leave," you said, taking a step back to let him inside.

Mike wasted no time stepping into your apartment, and as soon as you shut the door, his hands were on your shoulders, and he was pulling you into him. Your eyes went wide, and you had no idea what was going on. It was only when you felt his wet cheek against your own that you realized he was crying.

"I missed you," Mike said. “So so much."

It was like your brain went on autopilot, and suddenly, your arms were around him, and you were squeezing him tight. It was like nothing had changed. It was like no time had passed since you had last seen him, and it was so overwhelming that it had brought tears back to your eyes.

"I missed you too," you said, your voice quiet and barely above a whisper.

Mike pulled away from the hug but still had his hands on your shoulders. He was smiling at you, and his eyes were no longer that dark gray they were before but back to that bright blue.

"I’m sorry I never got to explain why I did what I did," Mike started, his voice a little shaky. "I wanted to tell you, I really did, but I couldn't. I didn’t want to put you in that position."

"But you were able to tell Rachel, Donna, and even Louis?" You asked.

"To be fair, Rachel figured it out on her own, and Donna knew from the moment I started working at Pearson-Hardman."

"What about Louis?"

"That was a whole different thing," Mike said, chuckling a bit. "He was a bit… theatrical, to say the least."

"But that still doesn't explain why you were able to tell them but not me."

At this, he looked away from you, his head turning and looking out the window. The night sky was beautiful, the way the full moon shone, and how the city lights made everything glow, including his face. The reflection of the moon against his skin made his eyes stand out, and the streetlights made him look like he was glowing.

"I knew you would understand," he finally said. "You would be the one person to listen to me and actually give me a chance, and I was afraid of that. If I had told you, I would've been afraid of what would've happened, and I would've probably ended up convincing myself to leave."

"Leave and do the right thing," you said.

"Maybe. But it doesn't matter. I'm here now, and we're talking," he said, the corners of his mouth turning up into a small smile. “I’m making up for it now."

"Yeah, yeah," you said, rolling your eyes. You couldn't help but smile as well.

"But, there's one other reason why I didn't tell you. And it's not because I didn't trust you, because I trust you more than anyone. It's just that I— I—" Mike stopped himself, taking a moment to figure out his words. His eyes were looking everywhere, but at you, and the more he avoided your gaze, the more concerned you became. "I just, I wanted to protect you. Because I—"

Before he could finish, a knock came from the door. Mike looked at the clock, and the time read 2:04 AM. Who would be visiting at this time? You didn't have to wonder long as Mike's watch started to beep, and the knock became a more forceful bang.

"Mike, let's go!" Someone yelled from the other side of the door. A very familiar voice, too.

"Who is that?" You asked.

Mike ignored your question, instead walking towards the door. His hand was on the knob, and he took a deep breath, preparing himself.

The door flew open as soon as he opened it, and a very angry Harvey Specter stood on the other side.

"Where the hell have you been?" He asked.

"Calm down, Harvey. I was with her," Mike said, motioning towards you. "We were catching up."

"Catching up? Mike, do you not care about getting out of this mess or not? I told you I had a plan, but if you go running off on your own, it's not gonna work."

"Oh, is this another one of your great plans? The ones I get left out of?" You asked, moving past Mike and standing between him and Harvey.

Mike practically face-palmed himself when he heard you speak up. This was definitely not the way he planned things to go. Just as he finally was on the path of making things right, things went downhill once again.

"I would be happy to explain the details of the plan to you if someone," he glanced over at Mike, who looked down at his feet, "cared to follow it. Now, can we get going? The car and Cahill are waiting."

"Five minutes, Harvey.”

"Mike,” Harvey said, his tone showing how frustrated he was becoming.

"Five. Minutes."

Another minute was wasted with the two men staring each other down, and the air was filled with tension. It was a stare-off, and neither seemed like they were going to back down. You stood there, watching and wondering whether you should make an escape or not, but were too intrigued to move.

Harvey broke the silence with a sigh, his head dropping.

"Fine. But if you aren’t downstairs in five minutes, I'm dragging your ass down whether you like it or not."

And with that, Harvey turned around and walked away with that sense of confidence he always seemed to have. You watched him until he turned the corner, and when you turned back, Mike was smiling.

"What are you smiling about? Your best friend is still mad at you," you said. It came out more sarcastically than you had hoped, but you didn't really care at this point.

“Are you? Still mad, I mean," he asked, ignoring your snarky remark. “It seems like you aren’t."

"I am. I still feel hurt, but I can't stay mad at you. You know how much I suck at staying mad at people," you said.

"It’s a problem, yeah."

"Hey!" You exclaimed, hitting him on the shoulder.

"Well, it is. You have a tendency to let people walk all over you and forgive them for the shitty things they do. Which, might I add, is not always the right thing to do."

"So, I shouldn’t forgive you? Logic isn’t really logicking, Michael," you said, raising an eyebrow and smirking.

"It is, and that’s not a real word," Mike laughed. “Besides, Michael? When did that start happening?”

"You’re the one with the photographic memory. Shouldn’t you know?"

Now you were both laughing. Like the good old days, the two of you would sit in his office or at his apartment, cracking jokes and laughing about the most ridiculous things: movies, TV shows, music, whatever.

You missed this. You missed him.

"I have to go," Mike said, the smile not leaving his face.

"Yeah," you said, the same sad smile on your lips. “Hey, is uh… is prison any fun?"

"Why, you wanna come visit?" Mike asked, chuckling a bit. You could tell he was faking his laugh, though. He was putting up a front, trying to seem like everything was okay when it clearly wasn’t.

"No, I mean… You’re okay, right? Harvey’s been talking about this Gallo guy, and it seems pretty bad," you said.

"I’m okay. I’ll be okay," Mike said, placing his hands on your shoulders. You couldn't help but notice how cold his hands were, and he couldn't help but notice the sadness in your eyes.

"Don’t look at me like that," he said.

"Like what?"

"Like that. The thing that you do when you know that something bad is going to happen," Mike said.

"You can't know that for sure," you said, your eyes not meeting his.

"But I do. Look at me."

You lifted your head, and his eyes bore into yours. It was almost as if he was trying to look straight into your soul.

"I will be fine. I promise. As long as you're not mad at me," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “Can you do that for me?"

"Of course, Mike," you said, staring into his blue eyes. They were brighter than ever despite the situation.

Mike's hand reached up to cup your cheek, and at first, you thought he was just wiping away a tear, but he didn’t move. He just kept his hand there, and his gaze never left yours.

"Mike..."

He was staring at your lips, and his eyes had a look in them you had never seen before. It was almost like a hunger, a longing for something.

"Yeah?" He asked, his voice just as quiet.

"What are you doing?"

Mike moved his head closer to yours, and the distance between you was getting shorter.

"Mike," you said again, and he finally looked back into your eyes. The longing look was still there, but this time it was more prominent, and there was a slight fear. “What about Rachel?"

Mike's thumb stroked your cheek, and he let out a long breath, closing his eyes.

"She knows."

"Wha—"

But you couldn't finish because, in a split second, Mike's lips were on yours. His kiss was soft, and his hands were pulling you in closer. Your arms found their way around his neck, and one hand ran through his hair, which was much shorter than before. It didn’t take long for him to part his lips and allow your tongue to meet his.

Your heart was racing, and the butterflies in your stomach were going crazy. This wasn’t like any of the other kisses you had before, not like the quick, rushed kisses you shared with your ex or the ones that felt like dead weight against your lips.

This kiss was perfect. A well-crafted masterpiece that was made to make you feel loved. You didn’t realize just how badly you needed a kiss like this. You didn't know that was what was missing, but now that you had it, you realized how empty you were without it.

And when the two of you finally pulled apart, Mike was smiling. It was a big, genuine smile that lit up his face and made his eyes bright. It was a look that could light up a dark room.

"Rachel and I talked a lot while I was inside, and we decided that... that she deserved better. I couldn’t give her the life that she deserved. She was still stuck with me, even when I was away. We were both miserable, and it was time to put an end to it," he said, and a sad smile made its way onto his face.

"So…”

"She's okay. Really. She also knows about how much you mean to me, and she's okay with this."

"Really?" You asked, raising an eyebrow.

"She also told me a wonderful piece of information about how you apparently love me."

"You did not just—"

"I did, and now we have to talk about that."

"Nope," you said, popping the 'p.' "You have a prison to go to and a plan to complete. So, get going. You've already wasted enough time."

"Aw, but I love talking about how much you like me," he said, a teasing smile on his face.

"Out."

Mike's smile widened, and he gave you one last quick kiss.

"Okay. I'm going."

Mike took a few steps towards the door, but then turned back to look at you. He didn't say anything, but instead just stared. He didn't have that hungry look in his eyes anymore, but a more content look.

Like he was taking in the last few moments he would have with you. A picture in his mind to cherish, and to remember you by.

"Mike?"

He took a deep breath, and looked at the floor, preparing himself for the next few moments.

"I don’t regret anything. And, if I had a chance to go back and do things differently, I wouldn’t change a single thing. Except maybe not getting caught," Mike said, his laugh coming out dry. "But, besides that, I don't regret any of it. Everything that happened, the people I've met, and the things I've done. The only thing I regret is not telling you sooner… about my feelings. How much I care for you. But, I want you to know that, I would do everything a million times over. If I knew that, in the end, it would lead me here, to this moment, with you, I would do it.”

He paused, and took another breath. It was clear he was struggling with his words, and the way he was looking at the ground showed that he was trying his best not to cry.

"I just wanted to tell you all of this before I go because I don’t know what will happen next. When I see you next, you know? I'm I just— I needed you to know, and I hope that, wherever I end up, and whatever happens, I’m glad we worked things out. At least, a little bit.��

You just stared. You knew Mike could feel your eyes on him, and that he probably didn’t like the silence, but you couldn’t bring yourself to say anything. Instead, you just took in everything that was him.

He was standing in the doorway, his hands in his pockets. He looked so casual, despite the fact that he was about to go off to prison… well, not at that moment— but soon. It was like it was a normal day, and he was just hanging out with his friends.

His blue eyes were no longer on the floor, and instead were back on you. He gave you one last small, sad smile, before turning around and leaving the apartment.

You watched as he turned the corner and disappeared from your view. It was quiet, the only sounds were your own breathing and the sounds from the city below. You could hear the cars driving by, and the faint sound of sirens in the distance.

Everything was so different now. Everything was so strange.

Before, your world revolved around Mike. No matter what, he was always there. He was the thing that held you together and what tore you apart. And, for the past couple of months, everything had fallen apart. You were in a state of chaos, and nothing was right.

And yet, in just a matter of minutes, everything changed.

You weren’t sure if everything would work out, and you weren't sure what the future held. But, at least now, things were back to how they should be.

Or as close as they could be.

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citizensofcradle · 10 months

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IkePrince Suitors as Lewis Capaldi lyrics

Lewis Capaldi is one of my favorite musical artists and I was just struck with the urge to make this list one night!

I wanna give a little disclaimer that these are just in my own opinion. I also didn't pick whole songs because some of these songs I don't feel like they fit the characters as a whole while others might. Not gonna lie either I struggled with some of them so they might not be the best ones but oh whale.

I'm gonna put them under the cut though because if not this is gonna be a huge text wall on feeds! On another note, I hope ya'll enjoy these!

Jin- "'Cause I'm not ready, to find out you know how to forget me, I'd rather hear how much you regret me, And pray to God that you never met me, Than forget me, Oh I hate to know I made you cry, But love to know I cross your mind, Babe oh I, Even after all it'd still wreck me, To find out you'd know how to forget me" -Forget Me

Chevalier- "Lately, I'm getting lost on you, You got me doing things I never thought I'd do, Never spent so long on a losing battle, But lately giving up don't seem to matter, Every day, I'm a slave to the heartache, And you're wasting away every night, I don't wanna leave you lonely, But I've run out of love this time, You know that I adore you, Though I couldn't give enough, Hope you'll be safe in the arms of another, 'Cause I can't take the weight of your love" -Lost On You

Clavis- "Will you forgive me if I'm coming off a little bit obtuse? Well, it's been a minute now since I have had to tell the truth, I know I can, I won't, Suppose I thought that by this moment I would have it figured out, But instead, I tend to spend my days consumed by seeds of doubt" -How I'm Feeling Now

Leon- "Hope, have you some that I can borrow? 'Cause I've been so low, And the weight of all the world's a heavy load, Keep me going 'til tomorrow, 'Cause I just don't know if I can face another day alone, Well my lungs don't breathe, And my heart don't beat, And I can't believe in any kind of life without you here, And I can't move on, 'Cause it feels so wrong, No I just don't want any kind of life without you dear" -Any Kind of Life

Yves- "I can wear a million faces, 'Cause I don't like the one underneath, Always found it easy to fake it, Yeah, I'll be anybody but me, To tell you the truth, I'm the fraud in the room, And I know that, But you never will, In my mind, it's instilled not to show that, I spend almost all of my time, Feeling like I'm falling even further behind" -The Pretender

Licht- "I’m not ready to be just another of your mistakes, don’t wanna let the pieces fall out of place, I was only just a breath removed from going to waste, till I found salvation in the form of your grace, your grace, your grace, don’t take it away" -Grace

Nokto- "You saw me different then, oh, when I held your heart in my hand, so, if you’re gonna leave me, just leave me slowly, let’s make it last, just one more dance, before the moment’s passed, I’d rather that you lay here than leave me lonely" -Leave Me Slowly

Luke- "I've been holding on to hope, That you'll come back when you can find some peace, 'Cause every word that I've heard spoken, Since you left feels like an hollow street, I've been told, I've been told to get you off my mind, But I hope I never lose the bruises that you left behind, Oh my lord, oh my lord, I need you by my side" -Bruises

Sariel- "I wish somebody would've told me, That I'd end up so caught up in need of your demons, That I'd be lost without you leading me astray, Guess that I'm a fool for the way that you caught me, Girl, you make my heart break more every day, But don't fade away" -Fade

Rio- "To tell the truth, I think you saved my life, givin’ my heart to you over to you would be no sacrifice, Oh lord, i ain’t afraid to die if it means I’m by your side, it would be such a heavenly way to say goodbye" -Heavenly Kind of State of Mind

Silvio- "Forget everything we've come to expect, It only serves to further fuck with our heads, And I don't wanna pretend this will all be alright in the end, mmm, So maybe now instead of balancing on the edge, We could put this to bed for good, Can call it quits or risk sinking with this broken ship, But I don't think we'd make it through, through, Now it's only the beat of my heart, That reminds me not to stare at the sparks, Can't set fire to my soul, Just to keep ya, keep ya, keep ya from burning alone" -Burning

Keith- "I bring her coffee in the morning, She brings me inner peace, I take her out to fancy restaurants, She takes the sadness out of me, I make her cards on her birthday, She makes me a better man, I take her water when she's thirsty, She takes me as I am" -Pointless

Gilbert- "You got your demons, spent seasons on the dark side of the moon, Don't try denying 'cause you know that I've been there too, Right now I know how it feels like the world's gonna end, But I'll get you through, If it's the last thing I do, I'm gonna love the hell out of you, Take all the pain that you're going through, I'll bring you heaven if that's what you need, 'Cause you've always loved the hell out of me" -Love the Hell Out of You

#I'm honestly kinda surprised I didn't use more of my fave lines from his songs than what I did #IkePri #Ikeprince #Ikemen Prince #not ikerev #Jin Grandet #Chevalier Michel #Leon Dompteur #Yves Kloss #Licht Klein #Nokto Klein #Luke Randolph #Sariel Noir #Rio Ortiz #Silvio Ricci #Keith Howell #Gilbert Von Obsidian #If I’ve made any mistakes on commas or whatever pls ignore I mostly just copy pasted the lyrics🥲😂

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ne0nwithazero · 9 months

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Uhhhhhj klieg, 27 for the ask game >:3 and F)?

27. What causes them to feel dread?

What DOESN'T cause Klieg to feel dread? 😭 As much as he tries to act calm, confident, and self-assured, this man is a massive ball of anxiety! I'd be here all day if I started listing everything that makes him nervous.

The biggest thing continues to be his Impostor syndrome, and he just exists every day fearing that someone will see him as a fraud and undeserving of his position, which is how he sees himself.

He feels undeserving of his position but also doesn't want to lose it because of how long it took him to get to a place where others actually see him.

As well as feeling like he'll never find anyone he can share his work with who happens to be as excited about it as he is... I guess it's why I like his dynamic with Rouxls so much, even if they're very silly and are mostly a comedic duo in the AU x)

Not only he gets to share, but he's also challenged to listen, which Klieg is often too self-absorbed to do (Not out of malice, he's just very fixated on what he likes <3

F) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?

I love all my OCs, I don't think I ever made any effort to hide that! And I've mentioned a few times that all of them tend to reflect facets of my personality, and they have helped me cope and better interpret my feelings by projecting them onto someone who isn't myself.

I don't know if that makes sense to anyone? Think of that one Tumblr post that said something along the lines of teaching yourself self-love by making your favourite characters go through what you're going through, and reflect on how you wouldn't punish those characters for behaving in response to how they were treated.

But tangents aside, Klieg is also like that for me, though he's more of a way for me to deal with how lonely it can feel to be so enamoured with your work but not getting the response you wish you could have.

The impostor syndrome of wondering how I've come a place where there are people who enjoy my work and how I often feel undeserving of it, or wondering how long until it will take until people realize there are better artists out there, I suppose?

Not all negative things tho, my characters bring me much joy and Klieg is no exception! He's very eccentric and I just get so much happeniness out of drawing him enjoying his work!

Even if most times it's more fun drawing him dealing with the consequences of being stuck up and mean to others >:) All in good fun tho, I like Klieg's arc in the AU a lot

#Jay Asks #m-chromatic #Klieg #Klieg is very fun and I like him lots #I kind of got carried away and started going on an emotional tangent LOL #I guess I wanted to provide some context for the personalities of my characters <:)

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violetvelourr · 9 months

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A little bit of whining venting

I’ve spent 3 hours today trying to draw something. Anything…. I have plenty of sketches and I tried linearting several but nothing worked out, they were just straight away hopelessly ugly.

At moments like these I feel like I’m a complete fraud because one week I’m totally fine and then the next one I can’t do shit.

But in fact it’s been like that for a while now - we are halfway through August and I’ve only managed to finish one artwork which was in line art stage already back in July. So strictly speaking I haven’t produced anything this month yet. ‘Melancholic Arina’ is stuck in the face/hair phase, I spent two evenings trying to draw her body and arms with no progress. And there should also be Kakashi in that artwork which is also not going to be easy.

Today in one of the lineart attempts I couldn’t even draw Kakashi’s hair though I had zero issues with that part of him for a long time already 🤯 like it was always the easiest and most enjoyed part for the past 6 months or so…

I’m in mild despair because no matter how much I repeat to myself that it’s alright to not always be in the high (after all, July was rather productive with 7 artworks), I still think about it all the time, like I’m not doing anything and time goes on, and I am stressed because I feel like I have forgotten how to draw and even more stressed because I try to draw and just fail again and again. But I have to keep trying because I’m afraid that if I’ll stop now to give myself a break it will be again 10 years like the previous time. 🤦🏼‍♀️ and the cycle repeats. Trying. Stressing out. Trying. Stressing out…

I’ll change my screen protector tomorrow perhaps - could be the fact that it’s way too slippery - now that the ‘paperlike’ protector is completely worn off - is affecting my ability to control the line. I know that with writing the feel of the pen affects my writing a lot. Maybe here it’s a similar thing… Also I want to do something that always seemed to help me reset my artist anxiety a bit - redraw some anime scene in my style. Suggestions for the scene are welcome, by the way…

But if that doesn’t help, I don’t know anymore. I haven’t had it hit me that bad in a while, I even cried today because of it. 😖 I didn’t even cry that much when my previous artwork got corrupted 🤯

The problem is that my motivation is not as high as it used to be. Previously it helped me get through my tough times. I was driven by inspiration. I hardly have it left now, unfortunately… and the recent events killed the spirit off even more… 😔

Anyways, another day wasted, off to bed… 😖

#artist struggles #venting #just a phase I’m going through

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chemnections · 7 months

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over the past few days the real music scandal i have been paying attention to is from one of my favourite artists and it has genuinely felt like a devastating blow.

when the cbc posted their investigation i read it hoping dearly this would be a simple hit piece that could be dismantled through fact checking, but the investigation was fair and thorough and the evidence put forward is solid beyond reasonable doubt.

and it hurts. i’m hearing so many stories from indigenous people who feel like they’ve had the carpet ripped out under them, buffy was a role model and a hero to them. she was someone to rally behind. her appearance on sesame street was part of their childhood, positive representation and some of the first. she made such positive change to help indigenous peoples, real activism.

but it was all built on a fundamental lie.

i am posting this here because i think some insight can be gained in why liking artists for how unproblematic they are may not save you from hurt or be a good idea for basing your identity on. because out of everyone in the music industry, buffy used to be a shining star. an indigenous woman with a story of overcoming obstacles and discrimination in her career, survivor of the scoop and sa, meaningful activism and wonderful music - she was so highly regarded and honestly the pinnacle of what the young generation is looking for in an artist right now.

but when we look for a perfect person, we can never truly find them because perfect people do not exist. so when we find a person who has the image of being perfect, that’s all it is. image. or lies. maybe the flaws are small, maybe it’s all rot behind the mask.

because sainte marie, who was considered to be the best of the best, is a fraud. never indigenous. she is claimed as kin by a piapot family, but the relationship formed after she was already grifting as an indigenous artist, it was a kin relationship formed on false pretences. and this is not a criticism of that family, what terrible circumstances they find themselves in.

she lied about her race and used the lie to propel her career and turn herself into an iconic figure. she got funding and opportunities intended for indigenous peoples. she hid her lies behind real issues that indigenous peoples who were taken away from their families in the sixties scoop deal with, disconnection and lost knowledge. she used it to create plausible deniability for the gaps in her ancestry claim.

there is now evidence that she threatened her brother, who had tried to expose her lies about her race, with a lawyer and threatened him with a manipulative lie that she would claim he sexually abused her, which silenced him all the way until his 2011 death.

and as an italian american, she also faked being canadian, and took funding and opportunities away from canadian artists. (i don’t expect non-canadians to understand cancon in depth, the gov gives can artists money and opportunities because we can’t compete with the american music industry, and there is a history of american radio stations refusing to play canadian music and artists stuff like that - it’s a whole thing). she is a recipient of the order of canada which is the highest civilian award. i’m sure she is officially canadian now, but she would have became canadian through claiming to have been born in saskatchewan instead of massachusetts instead of applying like any other immigrant.

and for some the truth will be too painful to accept so they will believe that the truth is the lie. and of course there is discourse on what makes someone indigenous, some believe kinship is enough but others base their rights on their ancestors - but i won’t get into that.

my main conclusion from all of this is like musicians for their music, and do not condemn real people for their flaws because it creates an environment for deceitful people to thrive.

#buffy sainte marie #cbc #i am tagging #ls dunes #because my points/conclusions here are relevant to asks I have gotten #nothing else in this piece is relevant to them #but is relevant to another mcr adjacent person

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causesciencethatswhy · 7 months

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I think it's because in BTS even if it was mostly rapline writing the lyrics it didn't feel like such big disconnect because they're bts members. Maybe a specific bts member didn't write the song but a bts member still wrote the song and people have different approaches to/expectations of different musicians based off of the type of artist they show themselves to be. No one ever fucking cares if Rih ain't credited on a song because that's not her thing. If the blonde girl released an entire album of non self written songs people it would be shocking because being a writer is tied into her identity as an artist. I mean some people were writing think pieces about the English trilogy and I think they was way more dramatic considering they're not completely uncredited the songs were released over several years and there was an entire album they created in the midst. Part of its lowkey cus armys were fighting for bts pen game for years and it's making us look bad now which isn't jk's (or tae's) problem but also you can't go around calling people talentless frauds who can't pick up a pen for years and not feel the slightest disappointment at your faves not participating in something they said they working on for years without extreme disconnect. People used it to talk shit but it was also a point of pride outside of other people.

I think you yourself have explained that this is simply a them problem and not a bangtan problem. And at the end of the day, jungkook can write and produce music, (some of the best music on the bangtan roster have come from him) so any anti saying he's incapable of writing music is just looking for a lazy drag.

At the end of the day, self produced albums may have been closely linked to bts as a group but all the members that make up bts, never committed to this sentiment. Jungkook especially puts his singing as the most inherent part of his artistry, so if he chooses to focus on that and his choreography and let's go of the writing/producing so he could release golden, then honestly what's so wrong about it? I would have understood the "immense disappointment "if it was Namjoon who was releasing an album in this format since his lyrics have always been central to the music he's released. But for someone like Jungkook whose time and time again talked about how conveying the right emotions in his singing and putting a powerful performance as being his greatest priorities as an artist, this format tracks for him completely. Interpretation of lyrics into music is also an art form in itself and shouldnt be looked down upon. Maybe in the future he will endeavor to more self production too, but I don't think his current desicions right now are taking away from his, or bangtans legacy for that matter. It's only breaking him and bangtan further into the industry and I'm not going to wish against it just because antis on the internet have something new to "drag them" about.

#jungkook #anon ask

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technotalksnimien · 6 days

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Tech Revolution: Reflection on the Pirates of the Silicon Valley

Hi, it’s me again. I decided to drop double or triple updates on my blog today. I just feel like it. I wrote this blog on a rainy evening. I hope you are all doing fine.

Just like the three Idiots, I was also wondering why this movie is called, “Pirates of the Silicon Valley”. Did you wonder too? Spoiler alert! Honestly, at first I thought this movie is like the famous Pirates of the Caribbean or typical Pirate story, hunting for treasures. It is actually way more than that. Waaaaaaay more. I wondered why this movie weren’t introduced to me back in my elementary or high school days. Man, this talks about how the world changed. So great, so worth it.

The film is titled as it is because it is about fraud and piracy in computer technology. In which the term Silicon Valley is actually a region in the state of California that is known for its prominence in the computer industry. The term pirate is actually the typical word we can associate it with, piracy.

So, what did I learn? I don’t know where to start because I honestly learned so much from this. The film is actually about the men behind the birth of two famous technology company we have today, Apple and Microsoft. You see, I’m using Microsoft right now, I also use it in doing my paper works, and everything. And I’m looking forward to have an Apple someday. XD

1. “Good artists copy; great artists steal” – Steve Jobs

This line means so much. I suddenly remembered, my techno professor told us something like, even if you’re not the first one to create or invent it, only the first one to implement it matters. Like people won’t even care if it’s not your idea, they care about who made it happen for real, not the one who only imagined it to be. Put yourself in a situation wherein you stole something, could be an idea or whatsoever. But then you did something to improve that idea and made it even better. When you become great for something that is not originally from you, you will be seen as great and people will assume that it’s from you.

What does this tells us? As a future IT professional, we are already taught about the ten commandments of computer ethics. Though shall not appropriate other people’s intellectual output, though shall not use a computer to steal. Yes, I know how much glory we can gain by merely copying the works of other people. But what about the conscience? What about the things that we learned in our school? What about morality? Is fame and glory more worth it than your morality as a person? If you are reading this, I want you to think thoroughly about the decisions you make in your life. As future IT professional, let us be the beacon of integrity and principles. Being evil is easy, but choosing to do the right thing requires courage. I’m not saying that do not do what Steve Jobs or Bill Gates did. I’m saying that do the thing you think is right, do the thing that you think the world needs.

2. Information is power

This is one of the lines in the movie that really caught my attention. Information is power, as long as you can transform it into action. Just like what Steve and Bill did, they used their expertise well which eventually led them to success. Knowledge is very powerful. It has the ability to change and conquer the world. However, knowledge itself can’t bring you to success, you have to make an action, use it efficiently to help the society. Knowledge also have the ability to influence and empower people.

3. “When I was still in Berkeley, I kept making some weird electronic gadgets that were basically just jokes, but hey, you know jokes are important” - Woz

I think Woz was the one who said this in the movie, it showed an old man trying to fix his television because Woz at the back is trying to interrupt the signal. Hence, the line is so true. We may think sometimes that an idea is too absurd or ridiculous to be even given a thought. But great things come off from silly ideas. Don’t worry if it doesn’t sound as good as others, think of what could be the impact of this tiny idea to the world.

4. Sometimes, not knowing how crazy something is, is a good thing

I think we can all relate. Because based on my experience, the more I worry about something, the more situation gets worse. Like I realized that I’m worrying too much over a thing that doesn’t need my worry. Sometimes, we just have to put the trust in the things that we do, and surely, something good will follow. Thinking of something that is like, “Can I really do this?” soon enough, it’ll be “I’m so glad I did it, it turned out pretty cool”. In the movie, we can recall that during the computer faire, Woz asked Steve if people will show up. I feel like he has doubts if people will come to their booth. Then Steve replied like “How would I know?” or something like that and he added, “Of course, they’re going to show up” which pretty much sounded like a joke but with confidence. Then it just happened, they didn’t know. Hoardes of people running towards their booth just to see the amazing little machine with 63 chips that makes all these colors. And then boom.

5. Good things won’t chase you, it needs to be chased

Knowing how Steve Jobs and his friends started, in his parent’s garage. And Bill too. They kept on looking for possible investors or persons who can provide them the fund that they need in order to turn their ideas into reality. The movie showed that Steve tried to get a loan from the bank, bringing with him is invention. Unfortunately, the bank according to Steve, “doesn’t like beards”. The bank declined his loan request, just because he has beard, or he didn’t wear business attire or maybe because the bank don’t trust his idea enough. But did Steve stop? No. And now we have Apple. What brought Steve and his team success is their perseverance, intelligence. And Bill Gates? One of the richest man in the world. Remember, life doesn’t stop when one opportunity closes.

6. Respect your coworkers, your employees, respect everyone.

A culture of respect in the workplace encourages innovation and idea sharing, as well as staff wellbeing, satisfaction, performance, and productivity. When employees know they are valued by their managers and team members, they are less stressed and more committed to their work. In the movie, we can see how Steve disrespected some of his employees at work, shouting and insulting them and even putting his feet on the table. Even we become the boss, we must not forget where we came from and always be humble.

I think that is all guys, that you so much. Next update will be very soon

#technopreneurship #techno #it

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und8e2ff · 2 years

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so... I called Seiya a fake and a fraud the other day and...

I might have been wrong?

Recapping with the images I used in the linked post...

him do his lil dance

This is what I got when I taped some paper on my monitor and traced the path of his arm movements

This is the Pegasus constellation

chile...

yall about to watch me lose 5 years of my life for the second time in 48 hours

how special does that make YOU feel?

okay, SO-

The Pegasus constellation in real life actually appears in the sky flipped both vertically and horizontally from the picture I used in the last post. That's how the Pegasus constellation appears behind Seiya.

but here (below) is how it appears in the sky in real life

Also, while reviewing the GIF specifically, I noticed that the Pegasus constellation behind Seiya when he's channeling his cosmo has extra stars for the back legs of the Pegasus.

In both images I've posted so far of the Pegasus constellation, those stars aren't there. At first, I thought they were extra stars to make the background more "balanced" with more stars to outline Seiya's silhouette and to further frame him as the focus of the shot.

so... that was f a l s e

The extra stars for the legs in that GIF/animation are actually the Andromeda constellation.

The Pegasus constellation is made of the Great Square of (the) Pegasus and a few more stars that make the two front legs and the head of the horse.

The Pegasus and Andromeda constellations share a star in the Great Square called Alpheratz. The Andromeda constellation, while being its own thing and not actually being part of the Pegasus constellation, looks like the back legs of the Pegasus.

This explains away the extra stars in the GIF as being accurate to astrology and not just artistic choice.

All of this is very interesting and has fuckall to do with the actual point I came here to address today.

sew...

I started to play around a bit with the pathing of Seiya's arm movements and see if there was any, and I mean ANY possible way it could really be matching up with the Pegasus constellation.

and honestly???

ye, it kinda works

First, let me clean up what I traced out yesterday.

Okay, so when I clean up the path and separate the two, this is what it looks like.

This is the exact path his arms move in and I've marked every place where his arms change trajectory/curve with numbers so you can have a better idea of the order he's hitting which points since there is quite a bit of overlap.

The Pegasus constellation has 15 stars but I don't think he's hitting like... every individual star? More like tracing over where each one roughly is?

this'll make more sense in a bit...

Alright, so-

Earlier I discussed the orientation/direction of the Pegasus constellation as it appears behind Seiya and how it will appear in most images when you look it up. The head is up top and to the left with the Great Square, it's body, to the bottom right.

But again, the way it appears in the sky in real life is flipped both vertically and horizontally with its head to the bottom right and Alpheratz, the farthest out corner of the body/Great Square connected to Andromeda (the hind legs), to the top left.

I've tried countless times to fit different images of the Pegasus constellation into the outline and while it never quite fits, I've realized that in spite of that, the path still kind of works.

sooooo . . .

I'm gonna try to get an image of the Pegasus constellation that includes the names of all the stars in it. This'll help me explain the path and how it hits/curves around or through each part of the constellation.

And then I'm going to show you what it looks like when you trace the path of each hand over the constellation.

Like I said earlier, if you draw out the path itself and then try to use a photoeditor to like, idk... 'superimpose' a stock image of the Pegasus constellation into it, it won't really fit like that. But I think I've found a way to make them align.

This is the best image I could find of the Pegasus constellation with almost all of the stars named.

Sadly, I couldn't find an image like this with the constellation facing the same way it does behind Seiya, but I'll mark the paths and do my best to explain.

ye, I think I'm about to hit the image limit

I think it's clear where Seiya's hands start. His left hand starts on the star Alpheratz and his right hand starts either on Baham or Enif, but I think it starts on Baham.

Actually, it might start at Homan.

I'll start with his left hand, though.

So, like I said earlier, Seiya's left hand starts on Alpheratz, which is way in the bottom right corner. From there it does a HUGE diagonal left upward curve to Enif. Enif is the furthest star in the upper left of the constellation, it's the Pegasus's nose.

And from Enif, it swerves really far back right again to Algenib. Algenib is the star above Alpheratz in the Great Square (the upper right corner). From Algenib it goes a little bit back left to Markab, the upper left corner of the Great Square. From Markab it goes down to Scheat, the lower left corner of the Great Square, and then upwards, diagonal and right back up to Algenib.

The final movement is a HUGE downwards crescent from Algenib that sweeps under Alpheratz to the left, through the legs of the Pegasus, and up, not quite to but very close, to Enif again.

Actually, on the first swing from Alpheratz to Enif, I think it might swing through the stars Matar and ι or Iota Pegasi which are the stars in the middle of the bottom and top leg respectively.

Alright, looked at it a little more and Seiya's right hand very likely starts at Homan. Homan is a star in the middle of the Pegasus's neck.

From Homan, Seiya's arm makes a pretty sharp crescent to the right, it doesn't go through anything, but when it comes back to the left, it passes through Baham, which is the top of the Pegasus's head. From Baham, he makes a massive, downward sweeping motion that I believe is going through the star at the tip of the top foot.

The Pegasus's feet are out in front of it with one leg positioned over the other.

I think that star is called Kappa Pegasi? In the picture, it just looks like κ which is probably supposed to be short for κ Peg. Kappa Pegasi is the second star after Sadalbari, which is the bent knee of the top leg of the Pegasus.

Both of the legs are coming out of Scheat at the lower left of the Great Square.

From there it continues to curve rightward and it goes by, quite possibly through, the tip of the bottom foot of the Pegasus. The star at the end of that leg is represented in the image as π, short for π Peg which is Pi Pegasi. From Pi Pegasi, it continues its loop and goes through Scheat where both legs start.

From Scheat it arcs up and to the left to Enif, the Pegasus's nose, and finally, from that point, it swings slightly downward and far right to the upper right corner of the Great Square, Algenib.

Edit - Honestly, that last arc was probably supposed to go just a bit lower and hit Sadalbari. I think that's the only major named star I haven't hit yet. but oh well

Actually...

Seiya might be crossing all of the major/named stars. oh wow...

The attention to detail is astounding, high key.

but bruh- I really went in on this lil boi the other day

I came for his stance. I came for his character; I deadass called him a liar at one point.

chile... I came for his eyesight

Marin was out there catchin strays-

okay, girlies. so i redid the math and the math IS mathin, but liek...

bitches cain't carry decimals

Hi there, this is your Captain bitches speaking~ We're almost off this flight ✈️🌠

chile... nah, Cause I dragged tf out that poor boi in my last post and I was wrong. Not just for draggin him and not mindin my business but because I was actually, factually wrong.

ima go on now and let him do his lil Disney Cosmo channel thang mid-fight and sit down someplace

im sorreh, mah boi...

but ye, Within 48 hours we learned net zero information in which the person that debunked me was like... future me.

Anyways...

Much love and thanks to anyone who reads this thing.

And a lil extra love and thanks to people who read the first post too~

💖 * 💖 * 💖 * 💖 * 💖

please go outside

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fcllederage-moved · 1 year

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DRAG RACE FRANCE PROMPTS prompts from season 1 translated from FR to EN

"I think when she started drag, I was just born, right?"

"My mom always told me not to play with fire, but mom, I am the fire."

"En français, s'il vous plait."

"I just one day realized that this body is unique and I know how to make it artistic."

"I do it because it's freeing for me and maybe someone in the audience is gonna be like "oh okay, I can do it too"."

"Drag saved my life because I was already very, very depressed."

"It's lacking a few naked boys, in here."

"When I told my mom, she was peeling carrots and it took me, like, fifteen minutes to tell her. I was shaking and I said "I'm gay" and she just put her knife down and said "I've known since you were four"."

"Coming out of the closet can be problematic although it doesn't change who we are."

"The child you raised is the same before and after coming out."

"I will never understand the concept of coming out because you have to explain your sexuality to... the world?"

"I'm neither a man nor a woman but I'm also not non-binary, and that the only reference I have is myself."

"Baguette ? Oui, oui ! Baguette !"

"Let's be proud of who we are, because we're fabulous and, above all, we're legit."

"My biggest fear is to disappoint."

"I don't have the strength to talk, right now."

"No shade, it's true."

"Thank God for drag, otherwise you'd spend your life behind the cameras..."

"You have drag in your blood... It's a shame there's a bad circulation..."

"Once the library is open, nobody is safe."

"How did I come in? Just like you, from behind."

"I love homosexuals! They're so romantic!"

"What was the question? Where are we?"

"And the winner is... No one! Because everything was fake and life is a lie!"

"Someone here is very quiet... are you okay?"

"My mom always told me: you're gonna take hits, but you're also gonna give them back."

"I've felt really lonely but after talking about it with the girls, I realized it's something I'd brought upon myself."

"Being here is like an emotional time bomb."

"You're so cringe I can't even look at you."

"I knew you were mine!"

"When I talk to gay friends around me, they're all very careful and stay protected. But when I talk to straight friends, they always talk about how they had unprotected sex, I mean yeah okay, but we're not the only ones who have this responsibility."

"More people need to find the courage to talk about how being undetectable means being untransmissible."

"She's sexy, she's arrogant, she's queer, she's fem, she's strong."

"What an amazing artist you are."

"It's not the end for you. It's clearly just the beginning."

"You are officially bad people."

"I'm not made to only do one thing."

"People think we do drag because it's our passion, and it's true, but it also leads to that idea of we don't have to be paid. They'll offer us a drink and we should be happy."

"For ordinary people, a drag queen is just a man dressing like a woman."

"I am haute couture, my friends!"

"When it shows body, I say yes!"

"We're queer, we're drag queens. We've been gay kids in school. We've all, one day, been this person who wasn't chosen in a group, or who is designated as the one who should be excluded."

"You brought us love, poetry, your passion and I can't wait to see the rest."

"I'm proud to say she's my sister now."

"I have no idea what I was doing."

"You gave it your all."

"There are living people who are interesting too, you know that, right?"

"We are ready to rise from our ashes. We are phoenix, we are muses, we are warriors."

"No, after three hours of makeup, it's your sister, not your brother anymore."

"I feel like a duck on skis."

"I always feel like someone is going to realize I'm a fraud."

"The stage is my entire life and I could never do anything else."

#rp meme #rp memes #rp prompts #roleplay meme #sentence starters #drag race starters #I will play it fair is it truth or dare? ⋈ memes

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funkymbtifiction · 2 years

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I don't even know anymore

After all this discourse on type 4 I have to ask: is there even a thing like a happy healthy 4? Or is happiness just not possible for them? I totally understand the sunny 4 is a fraud (I always thought it sounded like a mix of 7+9 when watching Chestnut's panels with "sp 4s"), but it seems like the "true 4" is closer to the other extreme ("I'm never happy and I never will be, I don't even want to be happy"). That just also doesn't seem possible, because that would imply an actual pathology, not a personality tendency... [...] I was sure I was a 4 because my whole life seemed to be written on The Wisdom of The Enneagram chapter on 4s, and that was also the type I most identified with in John Luckovich's book, but now I'm thinking I was wrong. They focus on the constant self individuation and personalization aspect, the wasted potential of building a fantasy self you live your artistic dreams through, dramatizing hurts and slights and using art to intensify and hold on to emotional states, the envy snd sense of inferiority turned into fierce competition and disdain of others etc. Did I mistake my ISFP nature for 4?

I would say healthy 4-ness is the ability to sit with any emotion and resonate with it on an emotional level, both the good and the bad.

I had the privilege to know a relatively healthy 4 for 15 years. She was also a devout Christian, so a lot of the super-ego messages of her beliefs influenced her into a 1ish growth pattern early on -- she was still raw and authentic, had to be true to herself, drew attention to herself through her presentation (would deliberately dress in a way that was anti-everyone else). She suffered from feeling alienated and 'wrong' due to chronic health issues and growing up in hospitals, but was very warm, loving, and kind to other people. There was still a chronic sense of frustration -- she was never QUITE content, especially doing jobs she hated, but would pour her feelings into her artwork, creativity, etc., instead (her job being a means to an end).

And she could be self-absorbed at times, but I've also known no one else, ever, who could sit with me and my pain the way she could; who would never push me to "get over it" or try to cheer me up when I had a bad day, but would just listen and go through it beside me. I once saw her run across a parking lot just to escort an old couple to their car who didn't have an umbrella in a thunderstorm, because she thought that would be the right thing to do. Though she had an immediate "I must be authentic to my feelings" -- she would also compromise and tamp them down if it straight up made someone else uncomfortable. (She had an actual fur piece of a costume that she bought at a Ren Fair, and I told her not to tell a mutual friend it was real; she fired back, "I"ll do and say whatever I want," but then ... did not say anything about it, to avoid a scene; and she was not 9 fixed, either.)

She also spent a lot of time working on herself, and trying to become a better person -- so she is far further along in her integration to 2 than most other 4s I have known, in part because of her religious belief in treating others with kindness. Mostly what I felt off of her was a sense of wonder that she would be wanted, that she isn't a "third wheel" or that we didn't invite her along "out of pity," because she finds it hard, as a 4, to assume that anyone would want her around just the way she is. And yes, she is an actual sp4. There is always something "wrong" with her life, but that doesn't mean she isn't happy, joyful, playful with her friends, or a pleasure to be around.

Even so, even when she was happy, though, there was a subtle image influence undercurrent of "look at me, notice how I am different!" She drew attention to what she wanted people to look at, so if they rejected her, it would be a rejection of her persona (my "raw self") and not the things she probably did not want rejected for -- the deeper Self and her physical flaws. She couldn't stand to be like anyone else, and would deliberately do something to her outfit to make herself stand out and get noticed -- be the opposite of everyone else, so she would not vanish into the crowd. Always.

It also makes me question this singer I follow who I had typed as ISFP 4w5: I pegged her as such five years ago after watching a documentary series on her were she was the embodiment of a 4w5, at that time she was clearly in an unhealthy mind state, going through something. I recently reconnected with her and I'm watching season 2 of the series, and she seems to have changed a lot, seems much happier and in peace with herself. Her Instagram and her art still are as 4w5 as ever (dark, weird and whimsical, mysterious, kinda avant garde and somewhat melancholic etc). Did I type her wrong?

She could be a 4w5 who has grown, or she could be a 9 with a 4w5 fix. It would be hard for me to tell based on that alone.

#question #enneagram #enneagram 4

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twwpress · 1 year

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Creator Spotlight #21: hanyolo

Welcome back to the TWW Creator Spotlight! For every spotlight, we’ll ask each featured author or artist the same ten questions (as well as questions you submitted on Twitter!). This week we are so pleased to be chatting with the wonderful hanyolo (on ao3)/@tonysstrk (on twitter).

1) What are your top 5 desert island fics by other authors?

Number one is 100000% the girl dad josh little women fic that my wife wrote for me. It is beautiful and wonderful, I am truly obsessed and I cry every single time.

love is the only thing by mikaylawrites: https://archiveofourown.org/works/38785698

Number two is the fic that B (joshatella) wrote for me last christmas. I gave so many ridiculously specific prompts and she absolutely nailed it. Just a lot of season four romcom goodness with the best kinda of canon divergence

the current interrupted (the moment that you spoke) by joshatella: https://archiveofourown.org/works/36161836

Number three is an oldie but a goodie. Just some good old fashioned multichapter season seven santos campaign canon divergence that also does my favourite thing any fic can do (acknowledge Donna’s post-gaza ptsd)

the trouble with hero worship by lizacameron: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15097865/chapters/35008490

Number four has tragically been orphaned but it is one of my absolute favourite post-gaza ptsd explorations I read it at least once a week i am truly Obsessed

bitter water by orphan:( : https://archiveofourown.org/works/24031573

Number five is just a super fun lil oneshot that involves banter and flirting, a clueless josh, sam being sam, and cuteness all round

the politics of love by speranza: https://archiveofourown.org/works/686943

2) Do you have a favorite character to write? Favorite ship(s) to write? Are there characters or ships you'd like to write more of?

My favourite character to write is 100% donna moss, with josh a close second. And because i am predictable my favourite ship to write is always gonna be donna and josh. I would really like to write more cjtoby at some point but i am waiting for my muse to return from war before i explore this one further.

3) Tell us about your writing process (setup/location? Night or day? Snacks/beverages? Computer/phone/notebook? Music or silence? Anything else you want to share is welcome!)

I simply write wherever and whenever the mood strikes. I used to exclusively write on my phone (notes app girlies rise) but now i definitely prefer writing on my laptop. I usually have a pepsi max on hand but that has nothing to do with my writing process and everything to do with my inability to get through the day without drinking soda. Sometimes i like to have music on, especially if i am in a busy/loud place, but usually silence works best for me. Also writing club, which i do with my friends and is super encouraging! Even though it’s usually just me and sam facetime and getting no writing done our bad

4) What writing advice do you have for others who may be reading this?

I feel like a fraud answering this because literally what do i know? But i guess my advice would be:

If the words aren’t coming, don’t beat yourself up over it. Move onto something new, even just prompts or drabbles, and come back to it later.

Write with friends!! On facetime, in person, whatever. It’s super encouraging and a great space to share ideas. Sprints are also good!!

Reread your older work. I do this when I’m doubting my writing abilities and it serves as a great reminder that I actually can write and that people enjoy what I put into the fandom no matter how I feel about it.

Write for yourself. Who cares if there are people out there that don’t write what you like? You think I wrote Donna pegging Josh for other people? Absolutely not. I wrote that because it was something I wanted to read and because it was a story that meant a lot to me mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. You can’t please everyone, but you can do what works for yourself and tell the stories that you want told.

5) From where do you usually draw your inspiration? (Other forms of media, music, tropes, etc?)

I’m all about the tropes and the canon divergence but i am also a big fan of watching things and asking myself: how can i make this about joshdonna? Have also been known to use a prompt generator a time or two

6) What is the fic you've written that you're most proud of and why?

Probably sad josh fic (sorrow found me when i was young) because it started as a tiny idea and an even tinier drabble and ended up as 40k words of sad angsty character exploration. It was definitely challenging at times, and I upset myself writing it more than once, but I’m really pleased with how it turned out, particularly the noel chapter which was so different to anything i’d ever written before.

Also my good place au because I worked really hard to make a good place universe for the west wing characters and I really love how it’s turning out.

(Special mention to kinktober because we really managed to post 31 days of smut and I got a girlfriend out of it???? thanks josh and donna ur h0rniness has done so much for me xx)

7) What's the fic trope/concept/AU you'd read 1000 of? What's the fic trope/concept/AU you'd write 1000 of?

DONNA DESERVED A POST-GAZA PTSD ARC AS WELL AS HER OWN NOEL MOMENT AND THIS IS THE HILL UPON WHICH I WILL D*E i could spend the rest of my life reading/writing fics about this and never get bored

8) Is there anything you'd like to try writing-wise that you haven't yet?

This is a really good question and i am afraid i’m not sure i have an answer for it? Something i’ve vaguely outlined and kinda started is a character exploration of donna but it goes from donna at 5 all the way up to present day donna. And i have a vague idea of how i want it to turn out stylistically but i won’t know if it’s going to work until i actually make a decent amount of progress

9) What's your go-to Starbucks/coffee shop/other drink order?

So my go-to is some kinda of coffee caramelly frappuccino, but i am also partial to a seasonal drink. See: pumpkin spice latte, and briefly a soy peppermint mocha before I got like five terrible ones in a row. Basically anything with sugar, syrup, and whipped cream.

10) Do you have any current projects you'd like to promote or anything upcoming you'd like to tell us about?

I am slowly but surely churning out the next chapter of my good place au. Also keep an eye out for the donna fic i mentioned above, as well as you guessed it a post-gaza ptsd arc fic that i have maybe 1000 words of so far

Submitted questions:

From @donnamossburner: Aaron taps you to decide what episode of TWW they pick for the next special, which episode do you pick and why?

Obviously I pick 17 people because of the hijinks, the drama, and the joshdonna of it all. Picture present day Josh and Donna flirting, present day Josh with those big brown eyes like a baby cow, present day Donna telling present day Josh “if you were in an accident I wouldn’t stop for red lights” I WOULD SIMPLY PASS AWAY. also I think the toby/bartlet scenes would be Exquisite.

From @donnamossburner: Which minor character from the west wing do you most enjoy and wish had more screen time?

My answer to this is bernard and no i will not be taking further questions.

From @softxsurrera: who was your favorite tww character when you started the show and when you ended the show?

I started watching tww after seeing gifs and edits on twitter (all joshdonna, of course) so I went into it with the knowledge that Donna would immediately be my best gal, and seven seasons later she is still the best person I know and my all time favourite person.

From @softxsurrera: what is your all time favorite ep of tww that you could watch over and over again?

NOEL!!!!! But also is it cheating if i have more than one? I’m just gonna go ahead and name some of my comfort episodes: 17 people, stackhouse filibuster, 20 hours in america, arctic radar, dead irish writers, somebody’s going to emergency

From @kennysroys: If you could get advice from any two characters? Who would it be and why? What would you want them to give you advice on?

Margaret because I 100% believe that she holds all the universe’s knowledge. And Toby because he would give it to me straight and tell me what I need to hear.

From @kennysroys: If you could have the entire cast perform a one night only, live stage performance of any episode and see it live, what episode would you want it you be and why?

Obviously it would be transition so i could see sexy stressed unhinged Josh in person and also so I could see Josh and Donna SMOOCHING in person i am nothing if not a voyeur (of joshdonna)

From @sinistercherubs: You have 5 minutes to talk to a character from the Sorkin Cinematic Universe: who’s that character and what are you discussing?

Donnatella Moss and Donnatella Moss only. We would discuss everything and nothing and mostly just anything she wants to talk about and I will simply listen. Y’all know that video of kathryn hahn watching rachel weisz speak?? that’s what this would be.

From @sinistercherubs: what’s your dream bottle episode plot for tww? anything you desire, nothing is stopping you, not even the lighting department.

Stealing this straight from community but jed loses his favourite pen and doesn’t let anyone leave the oval office until it’s found. Drama ensues, sides are chosen, secrets are spilled. Just a whole lot of hijinks, shenanigans, tomfoolery.

But also me and kate watched ben and leslie’s wedding today (that’s love, bitch) and i would love to see tww characters going through some kind of disaster preparedness drill which, of course, ends up being a disaster in itself (but in a super fun way)

From @sinistercherubs: piggybacking off of the bottle episode question, you’re dropping tww gang into the universe of the newsroom, what’s going on in this episode? (Doesn’t have to be apart of any canon plot points)

Literally just chaos and karaoke at hang chews. Mac and josh besties, donna and maggie besties, charlie (newsroom) and leo besties, charlie (tww) and sloan besties, jed and will besties until jed gets really into the karaoke and will is just ???? margaret and gary ultimate duet partners

From @mlea7675: How did you get into WW? What’s your favorite non-WW Sorkin project?

I spent the first year of the pandemic exclusively watching the newsroom so that was both my gateway to s0rkin and remains my favourite non-ww s0rkin project,, and also molly’s game because i forking love that movie !!!!!!

From @sam_writes_fics: do you have any fun/favorite/niche headcanons for any of the characters and/or ships?

Oh boy where do i start? I will preface this by saying that 80% of my headcanons are to do with donnatella moss best girl ever. So i love the hc that donna has three older brothers, and she was wilder than all three of them combined but she got away with everything because she was just a teeny tiny baby and her brothers should have been a better influence (“mom, she’s twenty-two” “she’s just a BABY”). Donna loves romcoms, like she is just such a sweet sappy romantic, and all she wants is for that One grand gesture of love (josh gives her this in hawaii). If hiring herself on the campaign hadn’t worked it, she would have gone into teaching. Either an english teacher or a kindergarten teacher, she hadn’t decided yet. It took donna a long time to admit she needed help after gaza because she knew that when she let herself fall apart, there wouldn’t be anyone around to pick up the pieces and she didn’t want to have to go through this alone – not quite accepting that the breakdown was inevitable. GIRLDAD JOSH!!!!! Three moss-lyman daughters and they are the absolute best of friends and josh is the best dad ever and donna is softest mom ever. Both josh and donna are equally soft with their girls but neither of them will admit it and loves to tease the other about how easily they give in to the girls pleas and pouts.

From @flowersinapril_: favourite j/d fix it / favourite minor character to write / fic you’ve written that you would love to expand

My all time favourite j/d fix it is, of course, post-gaza realisations, but i also love canon divergence around the time of the season four romcom episodes.

My favourite minor character to write is margaret, particularly in my good place au. She was also the best part of shrek fic imo. I just love to give her a random lil oneliner that is so ridiculous but also so undeniably margaret.

Okay i would love to expand my joanie fic (the past she is haunted (the future is laced)) because i have so many thoughts on josh and joanie and how this impacts josh as a father and there is just so much angst and pain and also softness to explore!!!!!

From @flowersinapril_: what are your post series headcanons for cj

So i actually wrote part of this in my fic i don’t know anything (but i know i miss you), and i 100% believe that cj goes to la with danny because she’s convinced herself it’s what she wants, and after a few months realises she’s made a mistake. It’s all very amicable and cj flies back to dc and turns up at toby’s door. They stumble through the first month of coffee dates and dinner dates until one day something just clicks and they know This is it. They move in together, they discuss marriage but it’s not really something either of them needs because they Know how committed they both are to this relationship. They don’t have kids but cj is best stepmom ever to huck and molly, and also they somehow end up with like three dogs that never feels like a conscious decision but just kinda happens and it Works. CJ ends up finding part-time work at a non-profit and it was supposed to be temporary but she actually really loves it and it is exactly what she needs after eight years in the white house, and this is never in a million years where she thought her life would end up but it’s also the happiest she’s ever been.

From @JessBakesCakes: Is there a fic you’ve written that started out in one place when you were planning it and ended up in an entirely different one when it was published? If so, which one and how did it change?

My forever winter fic was never supposed to be as long as it was - it was only supposed to be the third chapter because the lyrics fit so perfectly!!! But as i was writing, i realised that the lyrics also perfectly fit post-noel and post-gaza, so i had to write chapters for those too!!

I think as well that there’s quite a lot i write that starts purely as vibes and then i kinda figure out where it’s going as i’m writing. The fic i wrote for jess in an exchange (say you’ll never let them tear us apart) was definitely one of these fics, where i had my prompts and a few snippets of dialogue i wanted to include, and then everything else just kind of worked around that and it ended up being super long because there was simply so much more to say than i first thought

Thanks again to Victoria!! And thanks to everyone who submitted questions! If you’d like to be featured in an upcoming Creator Spotlight, you can message us here, email us at [email protected], or DM us on Twitter. Speak now or forever hold your peace, as we are reaching the end of our list and the Creator Spotlight will be wrapping up (at least for the time being) soon!

#the west wing #west wing #tww #tww fandom #tww fic #tww fic rec #donna moss #josh lyman #joshdonna #josh x donna #cj cregg #toby ziegler #cjtoby #cj x toby #margaret hooper

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groovesnjams · 2 years

Video

youtube

“Beach House” by Carly Rae Jepsen

DV:

Seven years ago we covered every weird song Carly Jepsen released in the runup to E*MO*TION, and now we’re going to do it again. Because it’s Carly, sure, but also because The Loneliest Time seems set to be one of the year’s oddest releases. “Western Wind” came packaged with a consistent aesthetic, a clear buildup, promo budget: everything Carly usually doesn’t have. It suggested a plan, a future. “Beach House” drops now, and it’s over two months later - with no notice, days after an album announcement but not coordinated with that announcement in any way. It’s a bouncy song, it sounds like late summer, and it has to do with how Carly Rae Jepsen has dated creeps and frauds and serial killers, each described in the same jaunty way and each voiced by an uncredited male chorus. “Beach House” is profoundly strange in the same way as “Store” or “Everything He Needs”: it sounds nothing like anything Carly has done before, and also nothing like any song a nominally-pop artist in 2022 should release. "Beach House” has got more in common with Ethel Cain - subtly horrifying even as it exhilarates - than it does with anything attempting to hit a popular mood, much less hit the charts. Back in the E*MO*TION era, Carly sounded like she was constantly topping herself; if Dedicated was a disappointment, it’s because it often felt like it confined itself to refining or tweaking what she’d done in the years before: only a half-step forward. So far, this era is as if she’s forging new pathways through a forest, marking them out and remaking them in her image. As if each single is a new discovery. It’s not not confusing - but I couldn’t be more thrilled.

MG:

I’m significantly less thrilled with “Beach House” than DV. What felt whimsical and free from artifice a few years ago has now settled into a fairly predictable carousel of misdirects and mismanagement. A recent profile with Nylon magazine reveals "[s]he sent her publisher some 30 to 40 songs she was considering for the album, which she narrowed down from a hundred song ideas through a ‘mad, scientific process’ involving charts and voting systems.” I can’t put into words how frustrating I find that detail, especially with a song like “Beach House” as the ersatz prize for Carly’s listeners. Her catalog is saturated with pure crap, but in the past I was able to write that off as the auteur’s vision because it appeared like there was no label oversight, no big, bad A&R man telling her what the single was. What’s now clear is that there’s significant effort behind her song selection (and probably her singles, her album promotion, her tours, her merch -- all of which are woeful compared to the rest of the pop market) and we could hear more songs like “Western Wind” if we weren’t so subject to album curation via raffle and bingo.

Ostensibly, “Beach House” is meant to fit with “Western Wind” into a broader theme of “loneliness” for her upcoming album, The Loneliest Time. In the above interview, Carly talks of grief and distance, of lack and inability, and of craziness and she attributes all these qualities to the loneliness of lockdown during the pandemic. But little, if any, of that shows up in the formulaic quirkiness of “Beach House.” In this song she cavorts from Malibu to Canada, hooks up with so many men she loses count, and then complains “boys around the world/ I want to believe that/ when your chase a girl/ it’s not just hunting season.” This is not a song about loneliness, it’s a song about choice paralysis, about being sat in front of a buffet filled with things you don’t want to touch, much less put in your mouth. For what it’s worth, very little of “Western Wind” (which I still love) speaks to anything I recognize as loneliness, either.

All of this rankles me, but Carly is unbothered, explaining “I don’t want to have to feel like I am one thing, and I don’t want my album to feel that way, either. So I think I’ve shut off this idea of cohesiveness. I’m the thread.” Then call the album Carly Rae Jepsen.

#carly rae jepsen #ethel cain #beach house

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fcllederage · 9 months

Text

DRAG RACE FRANCE PROMPTS prompts from season 1 translated from FR to EN

"I think when she started drag, I was just born, right?"

"My mom always told me not to play with fire, but mom, I am the fire."

"En français, s'il vous plait."

"I just one day realized that this body is unique and I know how to make it artistic."

"I do it because it's freeing for me and maybe someone in the audience is gonna be like "oh okay, I can do it too"."

"Drag saved my life because I was already very, very depressed."

"It's lacking a few naked boys, in here."

"Coming out of the closet can be problematic although it doesn't change who we are."

"The child you raised is the same before and after coming out."

"I will never understand the concept of coming out because you have to explain your sexuality to... the world?"

"I'm neither a man nor a woman but I'm also not non-binary, and that the only reference I have is myself."

"Baguette ? Oui, oui ! Baguette !"

"Let's be proud of who we are, because we're fabulous and, above all, we're legit."

"My biggest fear is to disappoint."

"I don't have the strength to talk, right now."

"No shade, it's true."

"Thank God for drag, otherwise you'd spend your life behind the cameras..."

"You have drag in your blood... It's a shame there's a bad circulation..."

"Once the library is open, nobody is safe."

"How did I come in? Just like you, from behind."

"I love homosexuals! They're so romantic!"

"What was the question? Where are we?"

"And the winner is... No one! Because everything was fake and life is a lie!"

"Someone here is very quiet... are you okay?"

"My mom always told me: you're gonna take hits, but you're also gonna give them back."

"I've felt really lonely but after talking about it with the girls, I realized it's something I'd brought upon myself."

"Being here is like an emotional time bomb."

"You're so cringe I can't even look at you."

"I knew you were mine!"

"More people need to find the courage to talk about how being undetectable means being untransmissible."

"She's sexy, she's arrogant, she's queer, she's fem, she's strong."

"What an amazing artist you are."

"It's not the end for you. It's clearly just the beginning."

"You are officially bad people."

"I'm not made to only do one thing."

"People think we do drag because it's our passion, and it's true, but it also leads to that idea of we don't have to be paid. They'll offer us a drink and we should be happy."

"For ordinary people, a drag queen is just a man dressing like a woman."

"I am haute couture, my friends!"

"When it shows body, I say yes!"

"We're queer, we're drag queens. We've been gay kids in school. We've all, one day, been this person who wasn't chosen in a group, or who is designated as the one who should be excluded."

"You brought us love, poetry, your passion and I can't wait to see the rest."

"I'm proud to say she's my sister now."

"I have no idea what I was doing."

"You gave it your all."

"There are living people who are interesting too, you know that, right?"

"We are ready to rise from our ashes. We are phoenix, we are muses, we are warriors."

"No, after three hours of makeup, it's your sister, not your brother anymore."

"I feel like a duck on skis."

"I always feel like someone is going to realize I'm a fraud."

"The stage is my entire life and I could never do anything else."

"When I look at you, my eyes burn."

#i will play it fair is it truth or dare? ⋈ memes #rp memes #rp starters #rp starter memes #roleplay starters #rp sentence starters #rp prompts

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outofcontexturi · 1 year

Text

Mon 23rd jan 2023 journal (con 2:47am)

I need to actually do things. I need to actually try things. Try new things. I think the only thing I like to do is edibles and that’s because I want to do things and have more fun doing them but like I only sit and think a lot so that’s all i know. I need to start doing. This is why people are having fun with life because they’re doers. i see the person I should be in my head and I want to be him cause I feel like he’s a better version of the person breathing right now. It’s like I want to evolve but in imagination only idk. Somethings not marry the action to fulfill my dreams. I really like putting clothes together. I like styling myself. It’s something I take great pride in actually. Idk if I’ve abandoned the idea of fashion too quickly for my liking but it’s something that I want to pick up now. I like how pieces come together. I know fuck all about designers though or anything like that but I go by eye for all of my fits. Eyes and feelings. If it feels wrong even if it looks right I won’t wear it because I don’t have the confidence to stand behind the choice all day. So I make sure that everything is right. I put a lot of thought into what I wear because it’s one of the strongest versions of myself that I know currently. I don’t really struggle with style I don’t think. I like how it’s completely my own . Idk people who dress like me. I should be reading more about fashion. I think my tiredness is ruining my life: it’s getting in the way of me processing things because I get headaches when I’m tired and don’t want to/ can’t focus on things properly so I end up doing minimal or not doing it at all and then worrying about whether I’m good enough. But I’ve clocked that when I’m not tired I’m more responsive to things and people and can think quicker and better and I’m overall a better person to be around. A lot of people get the very tired version of me. It’s like a perpetually tired version of me has been seen by everyone for the past 3 years that that’s kinda what they expect. I also notice I don’t move my face a lot when I meet people so I think they think I have an issue with them when really I just don’t know what I look like when I smile so I just don’t. Wow wait is it because I don’t have braces that I feel like this. I’m heavily tied to the aesthetical value of myself. sometimes to my detriment. and my pride is high. very taurus of me. my moon sign is Taurus. I think I’m lying to myself about the acting industry. I have to be honest and say that I don’t like it. I don’t like how things are. The sending emails to agents, picking showcase material, finding commercial audio scripts idk man it’s very business heavy rather than artist heavy. I feel like very little of this business is about my art compared to how I market my art. I don’t know if I love being on camera. I think I like stage better. I’m still trying to figure out if I can have a career in audio. I still think I’m chasing the wrong thing. I think I’m chasing status/fame and fortune and can you really blame me? It’s what’s been pumped into my brain ever since I was a child. All my inspirations had that way of life. I’m thinking of gym class heroes x viva la white girl. I’m trying to hard to get things right and I think people read that as anxiety and I do it so naturally that I come across as shy to people. I think I’ve built my life around having close friends or at least building very close connections with multiple people. It’s a problem now. Cause I’ll think every person is meant for me cause I’m trying to build a really close connection with them when in reality it’s not that and it shouldn’t be that. I’m easily offended but I don’t react to things. Very Taurus of me. And by Taurus I get mean archetypal energy being presented to the world. It’s 3:17am. Still awake. I’ve never given myself the chance to be myself in my own house. I feel like a fraud. Maybe that’s why I don’t like being in my body sometimes. I don’t know myself enough to know whether I want to be in it or not. It can be reflected in how I act professionally as well. Con.. 3:19am

#journal

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twenytwenytwo · 1 year

Text

Dec 27 2022 (7:07am)

Slept fine, just the usual. Feel fine this morning. Next to no anxiety, though some structure in me feels like it’s making sure there’s nothing to be anxious about… lol

Yesterday was fun. Jamming in Brud House is like jamming in a reverb tank… it’s fucking awesome. The drums sound huge. We couldn’t tell if the reverb was on or off on the Twin. Super fun.

Very interested in recording there… but also afraid to discover how good it sounds and not being able to ever record there again. That’d drive me nuts. Let’s do it.

——

Overall, my anxiety has been nothing to moderate lately. After arguing with Izzy the other night, my stress spiked and had a domino effect over the following days. Weird sleeps, adrenaline.

Talking to Ben released some energy, glad I did that. Though I’m still working through the emotions.

I think my best path forward consists largely of letting go of things, acceptance, and also de-catastrophizing the events the past year and a bit.

Catastrophizing. It’s kinda like negative idealism. Instead of holding something inappropriately high, you hold it inappropriately low. It generates a sense of meaning, despite the pain. Because I held things so highly before, the band was a fantastic ideal to me, I created the environment for a catastrophe.

Had I been being realistic, balanced, relaxed, I wouldn’t have crashed so hard, and it likely could have been another obstacle I dealt with.

It wasn’t a catastrophe. In my head, it was. I had put all my eggs in that basket, ALL of them. One’s that, even best case scenario, didn’t belong in there.

As the years went by, I put more and more of my eggs in there. When the waves got big, and water got in, it was the end. It spelt d-e-a-t-h to my systems. I did not have a flexible attitude installed, and had been practicing being stiff, anxious, and pessimistic.

Anyway, yeah, it wasn’t a catastrophe. My reaction was.

Perhaps that’s a good test for yourself. If you’re passionately committed to something, ask yourself, “What if this didn’t work out?”. If that seems like something you could not possibly let happen, some hefty examination is likely needed. What are you avoiding?

I was avoiding living in mundane and regret, feeling like a failure and a fraud. However, having a good career doesn’t directly correlate with that, it’s not even really a symptom. What does correlate with living mundanely is having a low-paying, boring job that doesn’t interlace into your dreams, AKA what I’m doing right now. I’m in my worst nightmare, and always was.

Yeah, what if I accepted that the life I was avoiding, was actually the life I am already in the process living. What if what I was avoiding was actually what I was (and am) strangely committed to. I have this program in my that says, if I put my passion, my attention, my energy into building a career for myself that I wouldn’t otherwise care about, that I’m tarnishing my identity as a die-hard artist-cowboy, who’s lives on the outskirts, in the wild, free and spirited.

What if I am not that. What if that story is a fantasy that has been constructed to justify my circumstance thus far, and frame it as romantic and idyllic. The convenient coincidence here is that I don’t need to take anything else seriously, and am largely untouchable from the outside world. It gave me a sense of self importance for nothing in return, except to remain in the fantasy, unchanged. Like Peter-pan.

What if my “I’m a dedicated, die-hard artist” story is just a fantasy to justify my being lazy and ignorant?

Perhaps it was actually a product of me sincerely enjoying things as they were, and music being the only thing that seemed worth sweating for. This sounds more familiar to me. Working my butt off to get a high-paying job, to have a house, etc, seemed to be disrespect the beauty I saw in how things were as they were.

Perhaps that scenario above, innocent and even true as it may be, was simply ignorant to realities that were yet to be faced. I thought that since it seem true now, it must also be true later.

In reality, if you took the 17 year old Adrian we speak of, and took him out of his comfortable surroundings, his opinion of things would be different. My outlooks then matched my circumstances, and assumed nothing would fundamentally change.

What if, I held that same exact attitude as I did then (before it was put under pressure, changed) right now? In my current circumstances, how would that outlook work?

It would seem as if I would just have far less worries. Adrian at 17 had yet to run into many monsters of human society, so didn’t really care. But I have run into them now. Feeling like girls want me to be a certain way. Feeling like I’ve got to do things I may not want to, in order to live a life like the one that was given to me as a kid. Feeling like I have to watch myself, how I interact with people matters. Feeling like, even if you try your hardest, you may lose.

17 year old Adrian thought girls were simple; as long as they had a crush on him, he didn’t need to do anything else. Feeling like if I just try hard, I can do whatever I want. Feeling like I knew things that others didn’t. That I didn’t have to live a normal life. Feeling like everything would stay the same degree of comfort completely on it’s own.

What if 17 year old Adrian held the same outlook as I do currently? What then? There’s a good chances he would’ve focused on getting a job, gotten one, it was okay, and would have never gone so insanely hard at music. At 25, he may simply have some ideas, and want to make a band, but his story so far was not that of a rockstar, and wouldn’t have encouraged him forward. Hm… that just what I think though, to be fair.

What if my true challenge was not to rid myself of the die-hard cowboy-artist, but to be the cowboy-artist that had died hard. What if the cowboy-artist needs to come back from the dead, and return with his visions of the underworld, and become again the die-hard cowboy-artist, but with the knowledge to not die hard again.

One of the main things I like about being a musician is who it allows me to be. I like music, but the identity associated feels good, the self-importance is addictive.

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