#And now I want to do it again but out of spite not optimism

[disorganizedkitten]

You'll Survive Chapter 1

Miraculous Ladybug | 2018 | 820 | Ao3 | Masterlist | Next

Growing up and leaving the nest is hard, but being with friends lightens the blow. Unless you are Chloe Bourgeois, in which case you have to make friends to help pull that weight. Or maybe you already have some, you just didn’t think of them.

Chloe slung her purse over her shoulder, intent to meet up with her roommates and convince them that she’ll be a good housemate.

She had been trying a little better to be nice, with Pollen’s help of course, but it was hard. Hard enough that most of the people she had been paired with for rooming had been overly hostile and happy to get her out of the house. If this set didn’t work out, she’d probably just have to get her own place. That wasn’t a problem, but she really wanted to make a friend. At least one!

It was lonely without Sabrina, but Chloe wanted her friend to be happy, and that meant letting the redhead follow her own dreams.

Chloe started up the concrete stairs, breathing deeply so she didn’t freak out. This should not make her this nervous.

It shouldn’t!

She started counting doors as soon as she reached the top. E7, E9, F1, F3, and finally, F4. Oh heckle she was here. “Wish me luck Pollen,” she breathed quietly, reaching her hand into the purse she carried the Kwami around in.

“You can do it Chloe! I believe in you! Besides, thirteenth time’s the charm, right?”

“I hope you’re right.”

Chloe pulled her hand away from Pollen’s comforting fur and knocked. Thirteenth time’s the charm.

“Race you!” sound erupted from the apartment, giggles, yells, and a bang on the door from that side.

“Hey!”

“I win!”

“I was a room farther away!”

“Oh sure you were ‘miss faster than a cat,’” the door swung open as the second voice grumbled. “Hello- Chloe?”

Chloe froze. “Alya?”

“Yeah, actually. What’s up?”

Marinette poked her head over Alya’s shoulder, eyes wide. “Is this a you-know-what emergency?”

“No, um, I’m supposed to be doing a roommate interview here?” Chloe didn’t sound as confident as she hoped. But, this was Alya and Marinette. Two of her superpowered teammates. How bad could it be?

Marinette’s face lit up at her words. “Really?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re accepted,” Marinette said, not even pausing to consider anything.

“She is?” Alya asked, turning to her friend.

“I am?” Chloe parroted. That, was fast.

Marinette waved Chloe inside and dragged Alya over to a couch. The apartment was small, but obviously decorated by the two. The decor was an easy mix of Creolian, Chinese, and French, with pink and white furniture and framed pictures of Alya, Marinette, and their friends and families.

“Would Pollen like a snack?” Marinette asked, moving over to the small kitchen and digging through a container.

“Yes please!” Pollen replied, poking her head out of Chloe’s purse.

Marinette dropped a couple things on a tray and brought it over to the living room’s small table, carefully moving a stack of papers over so it could fit.

“Chloe, are you joining us?”

“Sure,” Chloe moved over to sit down on the edge of the couch, feeling less apprehensive.

Marinette sat down in between Alya and Chloe, opening her purse to let her own Kwami, Tikki, out. Tikki moved over to the tray and picked up a cookie, waving Pollen over. Pollen hugged Chloe’s arm encouragingly before moving over to her fellow.

“Right, why are we taking her in Marinette?” Alya asked, as her orange Kwami, Trixx, joined Tikki and Pollen on the snack tray.

“Chloe, do you want to convince her or do you want me too?” Marinette asked cooly.

“Um,-”

“See, she doesn’t even have a reason,” Alya cut in.

“Okay, Alya, why not?”

Alya scowled, but didn’t answer.

“I promise I’ll pull my weight, and I already know about Kwami and Miraculous, so you don’t have to worry about those, and I,” Chloe paused and looked at Pollen for encouragement.

Pollen brushed some crumbs off her fluff and floated up a little bit. “With Sabrina doing that Genius school in Britain, we need someone to stay with. It’s no fun being friendless.”

Alya’s scowl turned into a frown. “That, I can agree with. Okay.”

“See? All good, and Chloe’s a much better roommate than some stranger. Let me grab the papers,” She stood up and dashed down a short hallway to another room.

“Sorry about that Chloe,” Alya said, quietly. “I know you’re not the same person you were then, but it’s harder for me to accept than it should be. Marinette, the girl’s kindness incarnate and is happy you are. I’m happy you’re breaking out of your Mother’s shadow, please don’t doubt that, but first impressions leave a, well, an impression.”

“That’s okay. I’m glad you’re letting me prove myself to you.”

“Always. You’ve helped us fight against a worse evil than you ever were, just know that sometimes I’ll be rude out of context.”

“Considering how many times I was to you, just for the fun of it, go ahead.”

“Teammates?” Alya asked, holding out a hand.

“Roommates,” Chloe corrected, taking it.

“Friends,” Marinette added, coming back into the room.

#Dang I really was pro-chloe redemption there for a while huh #prior to the queen trio episodes I was here for her #And now I want to do it again but out of spite not optimism #miraculous ladybug #marinette dupain-cheng #chloe bourgeois #alya cesaire #jaymeow writes #Fluff Month 2018 #Multichapter #You'll Survive Fic #Crossposting spam #old writing

[maxwell-grant]

So... Thoughts on The Penguin trailer?

I'm trying to reign in my optimism a bit and be a little more cautious, but so far: ahahahah oh man, oh man oh man, I'm really excited for this.

God I gotta get back on my Sopranos watch, I gotta start making time for it again. I mean, it's been a terrific show so far, I'm not just watching it because of this, but out of everything we've seen so far this trailer is the biggest "we're doing The Sopranos" thing I've seen from them yet.

I love the mention of Rex Calabrese here and the recontextualization of his character, and how Oswald views him. For comparison's sake: In Batman Eternal, Rex Calabrese was brought up as a brutal ruler who ripped throats out with his teeth and terrified all the other cops and crime families into obeying him and who understood the natural order through which he was supplanted by Falcone, who was then supplanted by Penguin. But here, he talks about Rex Calabrese as a childhood hero who helped people, who was given a funeral parade as a show of love from the people. That's the kind of person Oz idolizes, the kind of life he wants and is starting to think he will never get to have.

Here's one of the big reasons why this is already the best take on Gangster Penguin there's ever been, and the thing I love the most about this trailer, and something that absolutely defined him in the movie as well: Oswald is completely delusional about what being a gangster actually means.

Oswald here is a guy who had his heart broken in the movie because Falcone, the guy he followed and obeyed and looked up to with every breath, turned out to be a backstabbing piece of shit, with Oswald clearly kept in the dark about the nastier things Falcone got up to. He gets very offended at the suggestion he murdered Annika or that he did the Riddler's serial killer rat maze trap, and in that deleted scene where he tries to pay Selina and keep her from going underground, he clearly wants to be the guy who treats his staff allright and pays them what they need and tries to shield her from the grubby animals downstairs that he on some level finds disgusting (even though they're on his club, and he's providing them with what they want, and he's shielding the worst one of all).

And now he's sitting here talking about his old hero, a gangster from his neighborhood who reached out to people in the street and helped them, who died with his pride in hand and was beloved by his community for it. The kind of guy that Oswald emotionally talks about as someone he wants to be like, as he's getting ready to go to war and shoot and stab and blow up people in a crumbling nightmare city.

This is, in spite of everything, a guy who is very, very preoccupied with being some kind of gentleman, or at least more of a gentleman than the criminals he cavorts with, and a guy whose vision of himself doesn't match the reality of what he does, and a guy who has made a ridiculous cartoon of himself in order to try and forcing that childish idea into reality. This is a Penguin who lives and dresses and acts as an absurd child's idea of a rich and powerful man, except what that entails has changed.

Instead of wanting to be the romantic aristocrat, instead of playing the cultured gentleman thief, this Oswald wants to be the friendly gangster. He wants to be the neighborhood king who runs soup kitchens and helps old ladies cross the street and inspires beaten-down insecure loser kids like him to strive for more, the mafioso who looks out for women and kids and isn't scared of the cops and gets funeral parades for being such a swell guy who just does a little crime ova here every now and then, eeyy, c'maan.

Oswald here has the same dream as Giorno Giovanna, from JoJo Part 5, and he saw Rex Calabrese as the distant mysterious gangster who looked out for Giorno and invisibly kept bullies from picking on him and made the neighborhood treat him decently, who showed him what real power, power to protect himself and others, looks like, and he very clearly wanted to project that kind of fantasy onto Falcone, who is an actual gangster, and thus doesn't act remotely the way Oswald thinks they ought to act.

Oswald here wants to be the Depression-era honorable mafioso, just as outdated and fictional and mismatched a character in our time as the gentleman thief aristocrat was to the 1940s, and to me that feels like the first time anyone's really made Penguin-as-Gangster be a concept worth it's weight and play into makes him so engaging a character. It's just instead of being a burglar and crimelord who reads Raffles and quotes Shakespeare, this Oswald is a Tony Soprano who prays every night to be Don Corleone once he grows up.

And he might even get his chance! Because the way things are going in Gotham, with the city destroyed and in need of rebuilding, with the entire infrastructure crumbled and the mob having lost their figureheads and supply, and Oswald holding one of the few structures not completely totaled, he has the opportunity of a lifetime here to swoop in and play the Capone/Dillinger to this Depression-flavored Gotham.

And I'm really curious as to where he's heading within the show: whether he's going to make this fantasy of his work and be the reasonable flexible-but-unbeatable crimelord and the sole player remaining in town, or whether the downfall of organized crime in Gotham and the rise of the weirdos means that our beloved waddling freak is going to have to come to terms with what he actually is, and grab his colorful suits and his new name and make some umbrella guns to embrace and ride his bizarre awfulness into the sunset.

#replies tag #superheroes #dc comics #batman #penguin #the penguin #oswald cobblepot #colin farrell #matt reeves #hbo max #the batman

[bvsyhead]

What Am I Now? - A Sofia Self-Para

An officer walked into Sofia’s office, his face sorrowful causing the woman to instantly panic once she made eye contact.

“Sofia, we uhh heard some news earlier this morning and it’s about Cody.”

All of them knew how to break bad news, it was part of the job, but still it never became an easy task. She heard what he said, but she still looked puzzled. “Okay…what about Cody?” Her voice was filled with annoyance, while her heart felt as if it was going to beat out of her chest.

“Well, we haven’t gotten confirmation but he’s been presumed dead, along with the woman he was with, Isabella Garcia.”

Her hands began to tremble as the realization flooded her whole body. This wasn’t the first she’d heard that her best friend, her partner, was dead. For some odd reason, let’s call it optimism, she assumed that couldn’t happen again. Cody had already died and been placed in a prison world, so there was no way it would happen again? Right? Wrong! The voice in her head shouted, as she waved her hand in the air to bid the other goodbye, before walking up to the door and shutting it swiftly in his face. Turning with her back toward the door, she slowly slid onto the cold tile floor. Her breathing began to quicken in pace and even as she applied pressure to her chest, it provided no comfort. Tears fell down her cheeks and she was sure the others could hear her sobbing, but it didn’t matter because every part of her felt numb.

The last time this happened, Sofia had placed herself on a mission, one of vengeance and spite, it ended with her triggering a curse. This time, what the hell could even be done? The one person she could turn to, the one person she could depend on, is gone. The room felt colder than before, causing a chill to run up her spine and into her arms. Closing her eyes she pushed it back. Packed that need to break free from this form and take on another. She wanted to feel the pain of her bones breaking to become something else because at least that made sense.

Picking herself up off the floor, she grabbed her keys and left the station in a hurry. After release, she would find out who did this and do the exact same thing she’d done before, but for now she needed out. The bayou was the only thing on her mind, as she got into her car and sped out of the lot.

#sofia rivera; self-para #tw death #/I wrote this at work so I hope it doesn’t suck #sometimes I feel this emptiness howlin out; sofia rivera

[fala-alfredo-pasta]

Going further with the Eren + Nagito comparison, what if Nagito has another "revelation" of sorts. Wondering to himself, was it ever truly hope that he yearned so much for? Or was it freedom? A sense of autonomy and control over his life. Not a life dictated by the whims of his luck cycle, by the diseases limiting his body, and of course by some bitch mind-raping him into a despair addiction.

And this extends to how he treats his luck cycle. Finally reaching the conclusion that no, it has never been a fair balance and it has always just been Ultimate Bad Luck. Deciding that the "good luck" is just a bullshit illusion to get his hopes up and then be crushed again. So he goes out of his way to spite the cycle. Passing over and deliberately sabotaging every single bit of "good luck" that comes his way from there on.

"Fuck off, I'm not falling for that shit anymore. Go ahead, toss me all the bad luck you want. See if I care."

It would probably feel weirdly uncomfortable for the rest of Class 77. Because like...yeah, he's finally shut up about hope and luck and all that. But it also feels kind of wrong. Like the world has turned upside down. And a number of them probably realize that they actually do miss that sense of irreverent optimism. Which in turn would likely make Nagito even more irritable and lash out at attempts to cheer him up.

"If I recall correctly, all the time you'd say stuff like 'I wish that moron would just shut the hell up about hope'. And yet...now you're upset that I've taken your advice? Make your damn mind up."

The idea of believing in hope "in a healthy way" sounds good on paper. But like...I think it would take a very long character arc to come around to that idea. As far as Nagito is concerned (and let's face it he's not exactly wrong here), hope or fate or whatever spited him from the moment he was born. It doesn't smile upon him the way it does people like Makoto.

"No. Fuck that. I'm never going back to that lie. Looking back now...I was a slave long before I ever had a chain around my neck. It doesn't matter that I'm gonna die a miserable death. Nothing's gonna change that. What matters is whether or not I die free."

This would be quite the intriguing concept to explore indeed though as you mentioned it would be a long work-in-progress for Nagito to open himself up again to believing in hope from this point.

Here's hoping that things don't end as tragically for him as they did Eren--though I suppose some argue that Eren did die "free" to an extent. Though really did he ever truly escape? I mean he died a Titan and there was really no way at all for him to be able to remotely have a normal happy life with how deeply involved he was with, well, everything. To that effect, at least Nagito in way has a shot of finding some sort of contentment in life. Yeah, he'll never be truly "free" from his luck the same as Eren will never be free of being a titan, but Nagito has time. As ironic as that may sound for someone with terminal illness, if there is a constant about Nagito's luck is that it does first and foremost ensure his survival (whether it's painful or not). Along with the fact that they really aren't any obligations or responsibilities he's tied (not in the way Eren had), Nagito is at least free to spend his recovery period well...recovering and allowing for introspection to happen. And, because of that, I do think at some point he'll be able to see some sort of reason to genuinely smile again and be happy despite his luck.

I don't think he necessarily needs to be hopeful for the future--because that could feel like you're setting yourself up for disappointment. Instead I think Nagito will do better simply allowing himself to find enjoyment and be happy in the present. He won't fool himself by claiming that everything in the future will be okay, but he won't let his bad luck continue to control him by sapping away all his happiness and making him an empty husk. After all, the freedom of feeling and expressing all the emotions he has, the good and the bad, isn't that really what he's striving for? I can't imagine a bigger "fuck you" to that chain of bad luck he was born with than living and enjoying life despite it.

He won't make plans but he'll enjoy the moments as they come.

#anonymous #danganronpa #komaeda nagito #a e i o queue

[ineffablydestroyed]

Look I hope they don’t forgive each other immediately but I do hope they forgive each other mutually, not because it’s the easiest thing to do, but because they’ve talked about it and now have an actual understanding.

I keep seeing posts about one of them crawling back to the other, whether it be Crowley once again because he’s always come back for Aziraphale in the past, or Aziraphale doing it for the first time, realizing he’s made a mistake, (which might be necessary to a certain extent this time). But I hope that’s not the majority of how it goes because I feel like it would be a missed opportunity to showcase how their relationship dynamic going forward has now changed. (And for the better.)

They parted for a reason. It couldn’t have happened any other way. Aziraphale has this resolve about helping; he couldn’t have let things lie in Heaven without thinking about what ifs for the rest of eternity. And Crowley himself is pragmatic, even if he’s also radical. Everything he’s done against their systems of oppression has been partially out of spite and a good old middle finger to the man, but mostly it’s been to preserve and protect what he has/his own, not to change the systems themselves.

He knows that the systems are inherently flawed. He calls Heaven toxic; Crowley is the understander of Heaven and Hell’s systemic infrastructure. But that also means he’s constantly been taking only what he can get. He’s an optimist but he’s a realistic optimist. He has to believe the universe is looking out for him but just because he has to believe it’s looking out for him does not mean that he has to extend that belief down to the root issues. As far as I’ve been able to observe, Crowley’s optimism (in the show at least), surrounds Aziraphale, and the little things in Crowley’s life.

Crowley lives through the casual stress of existence under the system with the air of: “Will Heaven and/or Hell notice a, b, or c? Eh it’ll probably be fine. Let’s hope and move on.” “Will Aziraphale listen and go along? You can only try can’t you? What’s the harm?”

It couldn’t have happened any other way. Aziraphale has resolve to make change, and Crowley needs to see that this resolve is worth it, and he needs to see that this resolve is the protection and preservation of his own—not the protection and preservation of it in its current state, perpetually, forever, but a protection and preservation of its future, and something better, and the opportunity to be anything it wants, including what it already is.

Crowley wants Aziraphale to be free in the same way he feels he himself is, but it’s as free as he believes they can be under the given circumstances, (and he knows that): just an Angel and a Demon going along with Heaven and Hell as much as they can. He needs to be shown by Aziraphale that they can take more, change more, do more than just watch out for each other and look over their shoulders, and then he needs to help Aziraphale take it a step further and dismantle it all.

And Aziraphale knows he can’t do it alone. He doesn’t want to go back to Heaven without Crowley. He probably isn’t even quite sure what it is he can’t do alone, just that he can’t do it without Crowley, who has always been his partner in these things (if even on a much smaller scale). He says this, if even crudely. He says “I need you.”

Aziraphale needs Crowley. Crowley needs Aziraphale. They parted to learn and progress separately, because they need each other, and now they need to reunite to learn and progress together with what they have learned alone.

This isn’t an apology dance situation; this is an “I have fundamentally misunderstood what you were saying to me” situation, and “now let’s talk and cry about it and maybe both apologize for being fools,” situation. But neither of them were wrong. And neither of them were right. And I think one of the best parts of it is that they don’t have to be wrong or right, and they shouldn’t be, because this is their chance to get those shades of grey in their relationship dynamic officially spoken for and established, and it opens up so much for them.

#I’m probably just repeating things I’ve seen others say in a different font #but I agree with all those people so hard #and maybe I’m a little protective of Aziraphale #who I keep seeing being misunderstood #good omens #good omens season two #ineffable husbands #good omens meta

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Ortho, Cater: All Grown Up

HERE COMES THE BOYYYYYYYYYYYYY 🥺 Too bad Ortho didn’t get the “who would you want as a brother” question, I wanted to see Idia despair big bro Jade with him--

Imagine this...

[Condition: Immediate escape from a deserted island.]

[Please stand by. Running simulation… Running simulation…]

[Simulation complete. Optimal island partner has been determined.]

“Malleus Draconia-san!” Ortho chirped out loud, mimicking what his inner voice—the programs and the many pieces that made him up—whispered. “I would pick him as partner!

“Malleus-kun, eh? That’s a pretty unexpected choice for you, Ortho-chan!” Cater, his interviewer, laughed nervously, curling a strand of orange hair around a finger. “I wouldn’t think a cute little kid like you would be so fearless when you’re confronting NRC’s oogie boogeyman.”

Then again, this is the same kid that came close to blowing up the entire school that one time, so maybe it actually isn’t too far off?

“I decided based on facts and logic,” the birthday boy explained. His tone was matter-of-factly, yet proud, like that of a child showing off his latest crayon drawing. “I wouldn’t want Nii-san to worry about me being gone for too long… but with Malleus Draconia-san by my side, we’ll be easily able to survive and escape quickly! And…”

The robot boy paused, head tilted thoughtfully. “There are many things only he can do. For example, lightning does not interact well with my metal body. It would be beneficial to have Malleus Draconia-san temper the lighting and keep it at bay.”

“Oooh, that’s actually pretty clever!! You’ve got big brain cells just like your big bro! It must be a trait that runs in the family~”

“You think so?”

“I know so! You Shroud bros are on, like, a whole ‘nother level. It’s surprising that you even think there’s stuff others can do that you can’t.” Cater spoke with a smile, but a thorn of jealousy had crept up his torso, pricking him in the heart.

Ortho’s heart, his amicability. All of it pure, all of it genuine, in spite of lacking flesh and bone, marrow and sinew. A robot was more real than he would ever be, a stronger light against the darkness of a winter dusk than he.

Pathetic, Cater silently spat. Just pathetic.

“… I’ve always thought of it the other way around. It’s like how social media connects people from all over Twisted Wonderland. Only machines are capable of doing that sort of magic—so you’re totes amazing! Not just anyone can float and shoot lasers.”

There are lots of things you can do that I can’t.

“Really?”

Ortho stared at him quizzically with those large, curious eyes of his. They were bright and sparkling—Cater could not only see his own reflection in them, but also every circuit wired in his irises upon closer inspection.

There was a lull in the conversation.

Then Ortho bursted out into a wide grin. “I think humans are the amazing ones!”

“Humans? We can’t do half the things you can. You think I can float without a broom or shoot a laser without my magical pen?” Cater laughed lightly.

All he excelled at was pretending to be something he wasn’t. It was an act, a sham.

“Humans are capable of a different kind of magic.” Ortho seemed to see straight through him. “Cater Diamond-san… You said that only machines can make certain spells happen, but wasn’t it man that made machine in the first place?

“It’s man has the capacity to create. To grow, to change, to adapt, to learn. But man passed that ability to machine. It’s like playing a video game and leveling up; you gain new skills the longer you play, and you share some of those skills with your part members… and more of the world opens up to you as a result.

“I’m only possible because both man and machine exist. They’re both just as important!”

Both are just as important…

Something in Cater’s chest tightened. His smile faltered, supported up only by sheer will.

“You’re pretty smart for a kid, you know that? I could’ve easily mistaken you for a grown-up just now.”

A placed a hand on Ortho’s head and ruffled the blue artificial flames that made up his hair. The young boy buzzed. Life and warmth, kindling close together.

“Hehe~”

And suddenly, the birthday boy launched himself at Cater, sending him rocketing back and bumping into a table covered in food. The plates and cups upon it rattled from the impact before stilling.

As did Cater.

His eyes slowly paned down to find that Ortho had embraced him, metal arms wrapping around him. He felt the magic and the electricity that the bot ran on coursing through him and grazing his skin, leaving it tingly and warm, like the aftermath of gulping down a hot drink.

“Ortho-chan…?”

Some small, fragmented part of Cater panicked. Had he seen through the facade? Pulled back the curtain and found the poor, sad man manning the smoke and the mirrors?

A soft giggle.

“… I’m really happy that I was born, that I get to celebrate my birthday with you. It’s so different to experience it than looking it up on a search engine.”

Ortho lifted his head, grinning widely from behind his skeletal mouth guard. “I can’t wait to learn more with everyone! I want to catalog flora and fauna, explore uncharted territories… even explore a pirate ship and find hidden treasure!”

It was hard to say no to that face, an expression brimming with vitality and innocence and hope. A boy that was growing ever so fast.

Cater softened, slipping his own arms around the Ortho and squeezing, reciprocating the hug. “… Yeah. I can’t wait either. I’m sure we’ll get to do all of that someday~”

There’s so much more in store for us both. And… for every side of me.

Cater pulled away, pulling his phone from his pocket. “You’ll want to experience every bit of your birthday to its fullest, so leave it to your Cay-kun to record it—pieing included—for ya!”

“Ooh, the pieing!!” Ortho excitedly clapped his hands as his upperclassman propped the phone up on a tripod and angled it. “By the way, my calculations suggest taking two steps back before throwing the pie. This will produce the optimal shot.”

Cater laughed, sweeping up a pie once the tripod was set up. “You sure there’s things you can’t do?”

“I can’t pie myself. That would take away from the point of the blessing.”

“That’s true~ Hope you’re ready then, cuz here comes Cay-kun!!”

Two steps back, one step to the future, and best foot forward.

“Happy birthday, Ortho-chan!!”

SPLAT!!

The pie was a direct hit in his face, sliding down to his metallic torso and dragging a trail of whipped cream with it. Ortho plucked the paper plate from him, practically beaming as he held it up like some forbidden jewel.

“I’ve been blessed!” he cried, waving the plate at Cater, who approached with phone in hand.

“Yup, yup! And now that you’ve been blessed on camera, let’s take a pic for the occasion!” Cater slid an arm around Ortho, grasping his whipped-cream covered shoulder with a smile. The other arm maneuvered his phone, flipped camera pointing at the duo. “The more memories, the merrier~”

“I know just what to do at times like this.”

“Ehhh, so you’re already a natural at selfies?”

“I’ve learned from the best!”

Ortho threw up a peace sign—and his best smile. “Cheese!!”

#Ortho Shroud #Cater Diamond #twisted wonderland imagines #twst #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland scenarios #disney twisted wonderland #spoilers #notes from the writing raven #something no one asked for #Ortho birthday takeover

[latibvles]

Heyyyy sweet thangggg, you know I gotta drop in for the ask game!! My OCs name is Vienna, you already knowwww. She’s got severe daddy and mommy issues, but she’s tough as nails with a hidden heart of gold. She’s dark haired and bright eyed and is an officer with a military/WW2 father so like she kinda has this whole facade of “it’s not bad until I literally drop dead”. She’s made up of pure determination and spite because she’s spent her whole life being told she would never be enough so she’s just…wild and rageful but also just wishes she could be the softy she really is, regardless of how deep it is buried under a tough woman exterior. She’s seemingly confident and headstrong which helps cover the fact that she has some deep rooted issues. Her nickname is Venom, which comes from her blunt and sometimes harsh reactions to the enlisted men getting on her nerves, in which she is known to get pretty grumpy but also incredibly witty in her responses. She’s a replacement Lieutenant in easy company after she was taken from her position as an army officer. 

For those of you unaware, I opened up this inbox game in September to celebrate one year of writing my longfic. While I am not taking anymore submissions, one of the submissions in my inbox will be posted every week at 12pm EST! I hope you enjoy reading about all these lovely characters I'm being allowed to play with.

We’ve talked about Vienna and Daisy before so yanno, don’t want to be a cheater, but you know who we haven’t talked about? Vienna and Patricia “Bleeding Heart, Sweet As Pie” Kegley, and I, personally, think they would make a really fun balancing act. Someone harsh and wild and determined coming into contact with someone who’s really good at disarming people (even if Patty… doesn’t wholly realize she has that effect on people). For those of you who don't know, you can find the masterlists for Vienna's story here, now, without further ado, Just hear me out for a second:

Good old fashioned war wounds — we get a lot of those in SBT, it’s inevitable that people are going to get hurt and when you have a bunch of medics running around doing the damn thing: you tend to get closer to the people who are patching you up.

Enter Patty, who’s so soft and quiet and fumbling with a sense of who she is. And then enter Vienna, who thinks it’s not bad until she’s dead.

And Patty’s never been the type to raise her voice, but there’s something about that mentality that she just can’t sit and twiddle her thumbs about. 

Relative rank is good for something after all — and part of it has to be that she can raise her voice and demand Vienna sits down with minimal consequence. And it really is a sight to see, considering it’s usually Rita who does the yelling. Flush-cheeked and huffy, she’s going to tend to Vienna’s wound that first time and huff about how dead officers can’t prove anything to anyone.

And then she’ll apologize after the fact, for the yelling, and for the muttered thinkpiece as well — but truthfully I can’t imagine Vienna minding her directness.

And I think this is the beginning of a new part of the routine for Patty, that being: check in on Easy’s Lady Lieutenant, because Christ knows if she’ll ever come willingly.

There’s a certain irony here, considering she tends to spook fairly easily when it comes to the snappy, blunt types, but also she figures since she raised her voice a bit and lived to tell the tale, she’s already overcome the hard part of approaching Lieutenant Matthews.

In comes: the disarming, the easy smiles, Patty’s ability to shed a little optimism onto the bleak situations they find themselves in time and time again. You can be softer around her, Vienna, it’s fine. This is, in the most serious way possible, a safe space, and rest assured Patty won’t be the one to spill the beans about the sound of your laugh, or the fact that you have an ability to laugh.

#. sbt’s one year #. patricia kegley #poet’s mail box #*poet writes

[faelid]

Malignatas: Chapter V

Consider this my corpse being driven across the finish line in a hearse. Obviously I can't be trusted with multi-chapter fics...

Let's just pretend I posted this a year ago, yeah?

Malignatas, a KihyunxReader mini-series

Chapter 5: The Storm

WC: 2.2k

Summary: You and Kihyun thought you knew what you were getting into when you decided to make your relationship public. Neither of you were prepared for a curse from a spiteful fan, cast to keep you apart forever.

[Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [Chapter 3] [Chapter 4]

It’s a lot to take in, hearing it second hand.

It’s not the shock floors that you, leaves you stupefied. It’s that you didn’t see it coming. And somehow, it seems like you should have.

The recording continues, but you don’t hear anything else. Kihyun’s frozen face, a mirror to your own, looks like he still can’t believe what he’s telling you. It would be funny in a different lifetime. Today, it’s lost on you.

An avalanche of thought drowns out the silence, and you don’t notice the others coming back, voices talking amongst themselves.

Does the board know? It seems unlikely. They're usually more concerned about keeping the company profitable, and cutting into Kihyun’s practice time is unlikely to get them the results they desire. Which means it's personal?

But why? And why Kihyun? He can’t have been the first idol to date someone; in fact, you know for fact that he’s not the first to have a relationship, let alone a longer one.

Were you the target? Did you do something to offend someone, other than dating an idol? Hard to see how, when you were no one of any import.

Should you even stay? Is it worth pushing back against Starship of all people, when Kihyun is still under contract; when the others are still under contract? Will fighting back now just bring everyone else down with you?

It’s a torrent of agony; yes, I want this over with and but what about everyone else, pitting you against your compassion, your friends. What if confronting them isn’t enough? How can you possibly stop someone at that level, prevent them from lashing out again later?

It takes more than one knock at the door to startle you out of your reverie. Changkyun eventually has to stick his head in, carefully looking anywhere but at you, and it’s his voice that grounds you.

“Noona? Are you…okay?” He bites his lip, and you choke down your panic. The answer is “obviously not”, but it’s hard to know what else to say besides "yes".

You can’t blame him. “We brought you fried chicken. You can’t eat in here, though.” He doesn’t say alone, but you hear it anyway.

You fake optimism until your cheeks hurt and you’re sure the mask is fading, impatience crinkling in your eyes. They do their best to distract you, to fill you in on the details of their plan – none of them seem to share your concerns, not thinking past having an end in sight. You wish it could be that easy for you, and you know you’re being ungrateful because they’ve had a long night, and they’ve clearly been thinking things through – Jooheon and Minhyuk fall asleep against each other on the couch before you’re free to sneak away, when Hyungwon and Changkyun, too calm to drown out your thoughts, can’t keep the anxiety at bay any longer.

It calls for another round of poorly scrawled messages for Kihyun, a personal diary cum deeply emotional penpal letter. You outline drawbacks, potential solutions, things he maybe hadn't quite thought of, yet.

It’s not that the plan is lacking; between what you gathered earlier and replaying the end of Kihyun’s video message, the whole thing is rather sound. It has padding built-in, enough to support the most pressing outstanding question – how much time does you have during the eclipse?

Packing the go-bag is harder than it looks, but it makes for a nice distraction. The outfit you feel strongest in, the most put-together – no reason to show up slovenly; you don’t want to give Kim Ha Jun the satisfaction of even a minute victory.

***

When the day finally comes, they leave Kihyun to fend for himself. The backpack goes with Minhyuk to one of the nearer practice rooms, close enough to barrel down the hall if needed; secure enough to wait a few hours if she changes at the beginning of the eclipse.

Kihyun eyes the door before him, the gold lettering glinting at him like a challenge, and grits his teeth. He would be CEO one day. He would make Starship a better place for all idols, for anyone in the entertainment industry. A refuge. At the helm of Starship, he’d take the K-pop industry to a future they’d hardly dared to believe in.

Eventually.

But first things first. A calming breath, straighten the sweater – a knock at the door.

The appointment was scheduled; he’d been expected. But Kim Ha Jun feigned surprise at his presence, anyway. A joyous, imagine-seeing-you-here response to his knock, gesturing him in like they hadn’t seen each other in years, offering refreshments.

Kihyun perches uncomfortably on the edge of the leather sofa and tries to ignore it, just like he’d always politely ignored the man’s terrible taste in cologne, secure in the knowledge that he’d always have warning before Kim Ha Jun showed up.

“Kihyun!” The man bellows. “Have you seen your charts for this month? Streaming is still high – better than we expected, don’t you think?” The man who was CEO of Starship wasn’t endowed with a fatherly aura, but it didn’t stop him from trying. The result was a discomfiting dissonance of corporate interest and the misplaced boundaries of an overly-friendly uncle. “You have great things ahead of you, my boy, great things!”

Kihyun suppresses a shudder and smiles instead. “Only with your vision and guidance, sir. None of us would be here without you.” Ha Jun smiles, pleased with the compliment, and Kihyun glances surreptitiously at his watch. He’d prepared conversational topics – questions, ideas – in the event that he has to stall for up to an hour.

Except right now, he can’t remember any of them, and it’s been less than ten minutes.

He falls back on the safest, most surefire way to keep oneself out of a conversation with a narcissist:

He asks for Kim Ha Jun’s opinion.

---

When you walk through the door nineteen minutes and thirty-six seconds later, Kihyun could nearly melt with relief, and not just because he’s seeing you in person for the first time in over a year. That part feels too surreal to even put a thought to, like an apparition he’d caught out of the corner of his eye, except it was standing in front of him.

You were standing in front of him. In front of both of them.

Kim Ha Jun, though, looks more surprised than anything. Eyebrows raised to the sky, he frowns. “You’re still around?”

The way he says it scares you, a free admission of guilt. Confronted with a problem he thought resolved ages ago. As if you were meant to have vanished entirely, a speck of lint flicked carelessly off his lapel.

A lapel you only barely restrain yourself from grabbing, from shaking until the last oily strands of hair fell from his head.

“I don’t believe we’ve met in person.” You say, rigid with anger at his dismissal. Kihyun moves to your side, lends you the protection of his presence. “But yes, I am still here. I’m here and I’m pissed off, in case you were wondering. You took away six months out of my life, out of Kihyun’s career, which for all intents and purposes should be a major detriment to the company and for what? Because you didn’t like me? Because I wasn’t good enough for your idol?” With no attempt at moderation, your tone rises, and you find yourself trying not to lose your breath by the end.

Kim Ha Jun still looks unaffected. He doesn’t disrespect you further by refilling his glass, but he inspects it as if it were tempting.

“It wasn’t meant to last. You were a distraction. You would become more of a distraction. Kihyun is in the prime of his career. I can’t afford to have him moping about over a heartbreak – let the other companies lose their fortunes over women and relationships.”

“How was this not a distraction?!” Kihyun bursts. “Do you know what we’ve been through? How agonizing it has been? I wouldn’t have thrown away my career over a break-up – I’d have been sad and gotten over it, like anyone else. That’s normal. That’s life.”

The glass slams onto the table, and you both startle. Ha Jun braces himself on the desk. “It wasn’t meant to be a continued distraction.” He says, eyes flashing. “I was…expediting the matter. Once she was over you, once she decided that ‘idols were too much effort’ – “ he says it mockingly, and suddenly it’s very, very clear that this is about more than you and Kihyun – “then *poof*. You’d be all back to normal Kihyun, and she’d be out of your life for good; all problems solved.”

“And what about her? What would have happened? You think we just…wouldn’t see each other again, that I wouldn’t wonder what had happened to her?” Kihyun is bristling, his face bright red.

Ha Jun smiles a slow, nasty smile. “You’d have a new, one of kind watch, my young flexer.”

The enormity of his implication makes the silence stretch around it. Diabolical enough to forcibly separate you, but setting it up to make you disappear, to punish you for choosing yourself over the farce your life had become? Rather than murdering you outright?

A cold shiver runs down your spine, and your hairs stand on end. In a different world, you might wonder who hurt you? Instead, you fight the gaping maw of terror that's opening, the rapid realization of how horrible a person you face.

"That was not your decision to make!” Kihyun is angry; you both are. But he's also scared, and you can feel his body quivering where it brushes yours. "She had every right to leave me. She had more right to leave me because of you. And she didn't, and I'm grateful. But I never would have blamed her. I would have wanted her to be happy, just like she would have wanted for me." His hand slips into yours, maybe for show, maybe for solidarity. Maybe just for strength.

Neither of you has to do it alone.

"Do you know what that's like? To want someone else to be happy? Whoever she was, she didn't belong to you, Kim Ha Jun." Quieter this time, you're not asking so much as wondering aloud. "She deserved every chance to make her life better, and if being with you didn't improve her life, she had every right to leave."

"She chose me; it's true." Kihyun says, and it's hard to tell who is gripping who harder; both of your knuckles are white, like a storm may come and blow one of you away. "But I also chose her." He glances at you, and you see sorrow in his eyes. "I wish I could have chosen her more often."

It's a confession, but not one you weren't aware of. He'd always worried more about you than himself, would have had you spend your time working your career, your passion, rather than chasing traces of myths and magic.

When you respond, it's to him, and not to Ha Jun. "I love you."

Not "I would do it again"- you'd really, truly rather not. And not "you're worth it", either, because no one could be worth that total loss of self agency. But knowing you could be better? Working together towards that improvement?

That's the partner you want.

Who knows how it may have turned out, without the misdirected vengeance of Kim Ha Jun? Would you be the same people? Would you have become the same strong couple?

In the end, there is no storm. There's no whipping winds or flashes of lightning; just light. Painfully, impossibly bright, it floods the room, blinds you until the only tangible sense you have left is the deathgrip that connects you to Kihyun.

When it fades, Kim Ha Jun is gone.

Standing in the middle of the room, finally free, you find yourself alone with Kihyun at last, both of you human and heaving, emotions still running high. A blanket of silence hovers between you as you lock eyes, and it might have lasted an eternity if not for the alarm on Kihyun’s phone marking the end of the eclipse. 

All it takes is one ragged crook of the lips – it’s from one of your playlists, nothing he’d have ever picked for himself – and then you’re flinging yourself into his arms. You’re not sure who’s holding who, laughing and crying at once as you sink to the floor in a trembling heap.

Surely only a matter of minutes, it still feels like hours could have passed before the rest of the group bursts in, expecting the worst.

The ensuing chaos is a good excuse, but the reality is that neither of you was in any state to notice. It's not until Minhyuk starts to usher everyone back to the dorms for a proper celebration and privacy that someone finds Ha Jun's empty glass lying on the floor in front of the desk.

Next to it is a little analog clock, its little analog brain tick-ticking quietly away. It looks cheap for the room, black plastic and an acrylic cover, more at home in a garage sale from the 90's than in a CEO's office.

You're not sure what will become of it when the board appoints its new CEO, but you don't find it in yourself to care much, either. The door closes soundly behind you, and you don't spare it another thought.

You have the future to consider.

A/N: Epilogue coming tomorrow! Thanks for reading!!

[Epilogue}

#MONSTA X FANFIC #MONSTA X READER #MONSTA X IMAGINES #YOO KIHYUN #IM CHANGKYUN #LEE MINHYUK #CHAE HYUNGWON #LEE JOOHEON #SON HYUNWOO #LADYHAWKE #I did it I finished a multichapter fic #I can end my self-enforced isolation!!

[crookshanks23]

A Tale of Songs and Themes

Buckle in folks, this is gonna be a long one. But I've been wanting to analyze the lyrics of both opening themes for awhile. So here we go.

The lyrics of both themes have been posted below under my thoughts. I chose to use the acoustic version of Alright because there are more verses to look at.

The first thing that stands out to me, is how hopeful both themes are, but in very different ways. "Alright" has an adult hopefulness. An understanding of the world. "On My Way", on the other hand, definitely has a teen vibe. It's a bit cynical, but still hopeful.

"Alright" feels like the ultimate optimist. Everything, no matter how bad it gets, will be alright. Admittedly, "Alright" also feels somewhat delusional. There's both this embrace of bad things happening "even if you die", but a repeat of "it'll be alright" over and over again. Not everything is alright all the time. But maybe the point is that this is the adult taking the long view. Eventually, even after my life ends, it'll be alright. I guess I appreciate the delusion. Even though I "used to read between the lines" and see the problems, "They never made me frown" because we can push forward in spite of the problems. I think it's great to have that optimism, even if it doesn't always feel true.

Another line is "all you do is try", again showing how the emphasis of the theme is pushing forward and how the hardships will eventually work themselves out. You fall down and you pick yourself up the best you can. Seeing the bad things can't and won't ruin your optimism.

"On My Way" has a different hopeful vibe. Like, yeah, things are screwed up, but I'm going to change it. I'm going to make it better. The refrain of "not today" feels like it has 2 meanings. One that things aren't going to get better today. But also a cry of "not today", like this isn't going to happen on my watch. I'm going to make this better. The previous generation fucked us, so now we're going to fix it.

The refrain of "no one knows us better than ourselves" is the line that really make me feel like this is about teens. Of course teens would feel like no one understands them. The "used to tell myself it'll be alright/Pretty lies let me sleep at night" lines call out the deluded nature of the first theme directly. It's not alright. We're living in a Doodlerized world. Our lives have been whisked away. We don't get to live the way we want. The kiddads don't get to raise children in the world they thenselves were born into.

"Beg steal and borrow/break what we can't change" is another line that I love. It's like the teens saying, "We're going to do this our way," and break away from what came before. The previous generation screwed it up and their solution sucks, so let's fix this.

"I don't need your sorrow/come back tomorrow/I"ll be on my way" is the hope of this theme. Despite a more cynical view of the world, there is still hope. We *will* fix it. Maybe not today, but eventually. Then, the second verse about loving the dark and holding their fears is interesting. They're not afraid of the things in the dark. They don't look away from them.

On the patreon, Max and Freddie talk about the evolution of the second theme. If I remember correctly, one change they talked about that I find interesting is that they went from "We'll be on our way" to "I'll be on my way". It highlights the isolation and loneliness of teens, who often feel misunderstood. Over the course of this season, we've seen these individuals make individual choices. I'm excited to see them progress as a team and start to make decision as a team. But they aren't there yet.

At the end of the day, we have 2 themes about hope and moving forward. From 2 different perspectives on life. Neither of them wrong, necessarily. Just different. I'm excited to see how this theme of hope plays out in this season. It certainly seems like the kiddads don't have that hope. I look forward to the catharsis of them finding that hope again, through their kids. Because it will be alright. Just not today.

Alright (Acoustic)

There was a time when you could read between the lines

You know they never brought you down

never brought you down.

There wasn’t a box and you weren’t thinking anyway,

So you never brought you down, you never brought you down.

And I know, I know, I know It’s gonna be alright!

Yeah, it’s gonna be alright,

It’ll be alright ‘cause that’s just life,

Even if you die It’ll be alright.

It’s gonna be alright, it’s gonna be alright

It’ll be alright ‘cause that’s just life

All you do is try and It’ll be alright.

There was a time when you could read between the lines,

You know they never got you down, never got you down.

And all of the times that you fell flat upon your face

You know it never made you frown, picked it up off the ground

And I know, I know, I know it’s gonna be alright!

Yeah, it’s gonna be alright,

It’ll be alright ‘cause that’s just life,

Even if you die It’ll be alright.

It’s gonna be alright, it’s gonna be alright It’ll be alright ‘cause that’s just life

All you do is try and It’ll be alright

Yeah, it’s gonna be alright, It’ll be alright ‘cause that’s just life,

Even if you die It’ll be alright.

It’s gonna be alright, it’s gonna be alright It’ll be alright ‘cause that’s just life

All you do is try and It’ll be alright.

There was a time when you could read between the lines

You know they never brought you down,

they never brought you down

On My Way

All our days

Whisked away

Or is there something 

More to say

You know that no one knows us better than ourselves

Used to tell myself it'll be alright

Pretty lies let me sleep at night

I know that no one knows me better than myself

And I know I'll get this right

Just a matter of time til we

make it out alive

Alive

We gotta pick ourselves up and say

not today, no, not today,

We live for tomorrow,

beg steal and borrow

break what we can't change

We gotta pick ourselves up and say

not today, no, not today,

I don't need your sorrow

come back tomorrow

I'll be on my way

Of all the places

In our hearts

why do we so love the dark

Every minute every hour every day

Are all these fears

Mine to hold?

I can feel them in my bones

You know I wish we didn’t feel so all alone

We gotta pick ourselves up and say

not today, no, not today,

We live for tomorrow,

beg steal and borrow

break what we can't change

We gotta pick ourselves up and say

not today, no, not today,

I don't need your sorrow

come back tomorrow

I'll be on my way

I'll be on my way

We gotta pick ourselves up and say

not today, no, not today,

We live for tomorrow,

beg steal and borrow

break what we can't change

We gotta pick ourselves up and say

not today, no, not today,

I don't need your sorrow

come back tomorrow

I'll be on my way

#but i have hope that things will be alright #Man I've been thinking about writing this forever #I'm such an old fart #I wrote this on paper first #Paper finally motivated me to get my thoughts out #I love the fun hope that I get from this podcast #dungeons and daddies #dndads #my dumb thoughts #im still hyperfixating

[joamaj-goodjomans]

Angelic Playlist Tells A Story?

I attempted to interpret which songs in the new Angelic Playlist released by Amazon yesterday were from Crowley's point of view, and which were Aziraphale's. It came out as an even five songs each, and one for both of them to have a happy ending.

The original playlist is ordered specifically so that the first letter in each song's lyrics spell out S-E-A-S-O-N--T-H-R-E-E. Which is, of course, brilliant! But for fun, I attempted to re-order them to form a bit of a character arc for each of them, complete with happy ending for both.

CROWLEY:

Could’ve Been - H.E.R.

The final fifteen fight from Crowley's POV. "We could've been … us."

I’d Rather Go Blind - Etta James

Aziraphale is walking away with the Metatron. This song reflects Crowley's heartbreak and feelings of helplessness as he watches it happen.

In Dreams - Roy Orbison

Just pure grief. No hope. Aziraphale is gone, all that's left for Crowley is dreams.

Cry Me A River - Julie London

Crowley resentment/anger. "Oh, NOW you miss me? Too bad, so sad."

I’m A Mess - Bebe Rexha

Crowley's denial stage of grief. I'm fine, "I'm okay, except I'm really not at all." Sense of self and optimism at war with the pain of rejection (past a present) and feelings of failure. Crowley starting to realize he still really wants Aziraphale more than anything else.

AZIRAPHALE:

The Show Must Go On - Queen

Aziraphale's arrival in Heaven, on goes the big fake smile. Time for the 'pantomime'. Aching to be free, but sticking to the task at hand. Fierce determination.

Midnight Rain - Taylor Swift

Regret and anger. Aziraphale chose to go to Heaven to "make a difference" and Crowley stayed behind, unchanged. Heaven is changing Aziraphale, but not as he (or Heaven) anticipated. He now sees through the deceit of it - the 'big pretenders'. It's not paradise. Realizes what he gave up for it.

Just My Imagination (Running Away With Me) - The Temptations

Aziraphale's grief. No hope. He's lost Crowley, and all the sweet dreams he had of their life together. All that's left is dreams.

My Heart Will Go On - Celine Dion

Aziraphale stuck in Heaven, not sure he'll ever be home again, never see Crowley again. Coming to terms with his heartbreak and grief, trying to reach acceptance.

Heart and Soul - The Four Aces

Aziraphale remembering THE KISS and how it changed everything. "Do that again. Now. Please." Longing to be back with Crowley to reciprocate the feelings that caught him so off guard. Changing focus to what he really wants. Hope returning.

BOTH:

The Book of Love - Peter Gabriel

The happy ending. Reunited and starting a new life. Cottage in South Downs. Coming to terms that love is messy and complicated, but it's what they both want. Aziraphale reads to Crowley, Crowley 'sings' to Aziraphale (well, perhaps not literally, but his "blah-blah-blah" is music to the angel's ears). Realizing how well they fit together, in spite of their differences.

#good omens #Aziraphale's and Crowley's Angelic Playlist #good omens s3 #angelic playlist

[ivyindreamland]

i took a chance, i took a shot. maybe i was naive. maybe it's me and my blind optimism to blame. i shoulda known. don't you think nineteen's too young to be played by your sick twisted games? no one's ever burned you. i wish i'd never grown up. i knew you were trouble when you walked in, so shame on me. time won’t fly, it’s like i’m paralyzed by it. i’d like to be my old self again. it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me. all the times i let you in just for you to go again. you're still all over me like a wine-stained dress i can't wear anymore. i never trust a narcissist, but they love me. this is how the world works. i got smarter, i got harder in the nick of time. i don't trust nobody and nobody trusts me. my love had been frozen. how was i to know? i had a bad feeling. i love you, ain't that the worst thing you ever heard? he looks up grinning like a devil. i never grew up, it's getting so old. i search for your dark side. i cut off my nose just to spite my face. all of my enemies started out friends. put you in jail for something you didn't do. thought i had reason to attack, but no. my love was as cruel as the cities i lived in. everyone looked worse in the light. in my defense, i have none for digging up the grave another time. and i can go anywhere i want, anywhere i want, just not home. it still hurts underneath my scars from when they pulled me apart. i'll go back to LA and my so-called friends who'll write books about me if i ever make it. will you forgive my soul when you're too wise to trust me and too old to care? i can't stop you putting roots in my dreamland. now i'm covered in you. it's the goddamn fight of my life and you started it. you asked me to dance but i said dancing is a dangerous game. i know i'll pay for it. if someone comes at us this time i'm ready. i replay my footsteps on each stepping stone trying to find the one where i went wrong. can't remember what i used to fight for. she looks like she’s been through it. people love an ingenue. how can a person know everything at eighteen and nothing at twenty-two? it’s supposed to be fun turning twenty-one. i’ll get older but your lovers stay my age. ain't that the way shit always ends? i wake with your memory over me. i have this thing where i get older but just never wiser. i wake up screaming, one day i'll watch as you're leaving. life is emotionally abusive. so long, daisy may. you're on your own, kid. you always have been. like i'd be saved by a perfect kiss. my friends back home don't know what to say. i broke his heart 'cause he was nice. all the love we unravel and the life i gave away. i guess sometimes we all get some kind of haunted. i'll be getting over you my whole life. never trust it if it rises fast. you know how much i hate that everybody just expects me to bounce back. trick me once, trick me twice. you said i have to trust more freely. maybe it's the past that's talking, screaming from the crypt, telling me to punish you for things you never did. got a sense i'd been betrayed. every single thing i touch becomes sick with sadness. if you never looked my way i would've stayed on my knees, and i damn sure never would've danced with the devil at nineteen. now that i'm grown, i'm scared of ghosts, memories feel like weapons. i miss who i used to be. the tomb won't close. the wound won't close. give me back my girlhood. stained glass windows in my mind, i regret you all the time.

#🙃 #making this took me an hour kjdngkdfng but i was breakdowning about the death of trust #or like #the process by which what you saw as trust becomes naivety #ramblings

[soulsam]

What's a ship you've wanted to talk about headcanons for, but you've never really had an excuse to? Well, here's your chance!

ANON. I LOVE YOU. IT IS NOW HISOLEO/LEOLUMI TIME.

also this isn't really gonna be headcanons so much as it is gonna be an entire shipping manifesto so strap in

okay so anyone who knows me or has seen enough of my blog is well aware that I LOVE hisoillu. like I'm obsessed with them. HOWEVER. within the canon of hxh, I think that hisoka and illumi actively make each other worse.

the one time we see a glimmer of humanity in hisoka, it's in the dodgeball game on greed island, when he brings home the win just for gon. hisoka finds gon's sportsmanship admirable and intriguing, so he indulges it.

the things that he finds interesting about illumi, however, are not the type of qualities a well-adjusted and functional person has, his obsession with killua & his bloodlust being two obvious examples. in election arc we see hisoka consider killing killua to get illumi riled up, because that's what hisoka wants to see from him. but hisoka never attempts to "corrupt" gon in any way. in fact, what hisoka seems to like most about him (besides his potential) is his optimism and his friendliness. all his generally positive traits which should theoretically make him weak in such a cutthroat world, but instead become strengths that make gon memorable and uniquely powerful. gon's almost naive humanity inspires hisoka to be better (perhaps for selfish reasons but the outcome is essentially the same)

on the other hand, because illumi acts with basically zero humanity, when hisoka matches his energy, he either stays the same or is even worse than usual (again, he considered killing killua just to see illumi get angry). so basically hisoka & illumi are constantly feeding off of each other's bloodlust and depravity, sucking each other deeper and deeper down the more entwined they become.

which is fine, like it's extremely interesting to me and obviously I love them (not in spite of that, but frankly because of it). however, they are very much the epitome of "I can make him worse."

you know who I think could fix hisoka or illumi though?

mr. leorio paladiknight.

leorio has a "fixer" personality. he's gonna be a doctor, for god's sake, and we've seen how he tries to take care of kurapika in his own way. he's hot-headed, recklessly brave when it comes to protecting those he cares about. I think if he saw something human in hisoka or illumi, he'd want to fix them.

we already know he's not really afraid of hisoka. certainly not afraid enough to avoid picking a fight with him while being well aware that he could get fucking murdered. I don't think he'd be afraid of illumi either. disturbed? maybe. enraged? yeah, we already know he is. we've seen him try to tell illumi off for the way he treats killua. but leorio knows how fucked up the zoldyck family is. I think if something happened that flipped his idea of illumi from "another dangerous and unreasonable person who's out to get killua" to "a deeply traumatized young man who's been manipulated constantly since the day he was born," he might start to feel sympathy for illumi.

I personally cannot believe that there's nothing human left in illumi. as twisted and warped as his idea of "love" is, and as cruel as he can be, I think he honestly, truly does love killua. and there has to be some way to take that one tiny, miniscule chink in his armor and use it to crack him open. I think if anyone has the power and the courage to do it, it's leorio.

as for hisoka, I think leorio has a lot in common with gon personality-wise. both stubborn and a little reckless, both sometimes act without thinking and will sacrifice themselves for their friends without even stopping to consider other options lol.

we know leorio passed hisoka's "test," whatever the hell that was about. although hisoka is fixated on gon, I think now that leorio has learned nen, he'll be very interesting to hisoka, even more than he already is. and like I said above, hisoka seems to match the energy of whoever he's currently allied with. while leorio is a little, uh...well, you know, he has a huge heart and he cares deeply about others. I think he could inspire hisoka to act more like he did during the dodgeball match; he was cooperative, helpful even, he took it seriously, and he let himself be injured for the sake of gon's wishes. not even to prevent someone else from being put in harm's way. he did it because it would give them the win that gon wanted. if there is anybody who can bring out that side of him again, it's leorio.

#whew lads we went Off with this one #hisoleo #leolumi #hisoleolumi #hxh #may start a new tag for this kind of thing #my meta #shipper brainworms #keithposting #oh and if for some godforsaken reason you want to reblog this please feel free #;

[felikatze]

Curious as to what your final pairing for Revelations? Were there any you did for comedy/optimal stats but were surprised by a really good support?

i havent BEATEN rev yet i am getting close tho (ch20 rn) and i'm finishing off the last paralogue i actually want (cuz god i am no longer grinding relationships thanks)

my pairings so far are:

corrin/felicia (for obvious bias reasons. felicia is my og fe wife.)

camilla/keaton (this one is just to turn velouria into a beast) (what the fuck is this support chain honestly. camilla look at my bones. keaton i dont want to look at your bones. camilla what if i get lost in the woods. ok fine i'll look at your bones)

azura/laslow (was recommended this one and yeah it is cute! sol on shigure is also nice) (i really like this support chain it's great)

odin/nyx (picked this one cuz i thought it would be funny and i was RIGHT. odin is SEETHING that her backstory is so cool.) (i initially did this only to get ophelia because i wanted to get kana dark knight via supports but then it turned out THEY DONT HAVE SUPPORTS so now i just have ophelia. it's fine)

oboro/takumi (i think the insane soft spot takumi has for his retainers is adorable and also i just use both of them regularly it works) (the takumi polyship is real god help me) (I'm so sorry i benched hinata)

and that's it i think! again i am not grinding these fuckers i'm tired of doing that. this is my final team now fuck everything

so i mainly pick bcuz i like the pairing or its funny and man the supports really sold me on laslow/azura in particular. "You shall be my inspiration!" "And you shall be my muse!" adorable. sickening. also funny that they both have insane backstory lore that they wont/cant tell anyone about. they both casually make mention of something utterly ridiculous ONCE and their kids fucking freak over the lore drop but then they move on and never talk abt it again

felicia is my wife mwah love her

fun fact i refuse to use xander and ryoma out of spite because of how good they are without any investment. this is the fucking oboro sweep show and it will STAY the fucking oboro sweep show.

#Feli gets asked

[sushiosims]

Billy and Morgan - Chapter 3

Before long, his dad stumbles through, glaring at Billy. 'Where you been? Late again?' he mutters, throwing himself down into a chair

'I got dinner at a friends' Billy says, getting ready for another argument. He hates arguments. Why is everyone just coming for him just now?

'How nice for you, did you think of your old man, waiting at home, worried, going hungry. There is no food, the lights aren't working...I had to stay in bed all day just to keep warm' Dan moans

'Oh poor you' Billy mocks, 'Must have been hard for you lying on your ribs, doing nothing all day'

'And the lights and heating don't work as you have not paid the bill' Billy reminds him tersely, his anger bubbling up

'Are you answering me back!?' Dan roars 'The lack of respect from you...if you want the power back on, go out and get a job, earn your keep! You have been carried too long!'

Billy feels the fight go out of him, and he just nods, 'Yeah Dad' and he heads down to his room

He lies on his bed, listening to music and thinking of the last couple of days. He thinks of Morgan's house again, and feels himself recoil in shame. Imagining his home through her eyes. He had to stop thinking about her

But he remembers the sadness in her eyes...and that jolt of...something. It was like a bolt of lightening, took his breath away and made him dizzy. He had never felt a connection like that before, and he knew she felt it too

He wonders if she is thinking about him too...

He is getting up to get ready for bed, when his phone vibrates...he checks it and smiles 'Looks like she is thinking of me after all' he thinks to himself, as he sees the friend request from Morgan on SimChat. He quickly accepts, and sees her typing straight away

She sends him a picture of a starry sky with the caption

Morgan- 'Guess where I am?'

He smiles, recognising the coastline and the clear skies 'The Bluffs' he says to himself, starting to get up, and pulling on his boots

Billy reaches the Bluffs, and this time finds Morgan lying on the snow, letting the flakes land on her, and melt into her skin. She looked beautiful.

'Is it creepy and stalker-ish that I came?' he asks

She smiles 'Is it bad that I don't care?' She stands up, and they head to the swing set

'So what's up?' Billy asks lightly, feeling a nervous tension emenate from her

'Nothing, its just, well, be careful with Bruce, he has a temper, and is not used to people standing up to him, or disrespecting him. He is pretty powerful here, I don't want you getting into trouble'

Billy laughs and starts to swing back 'I have dealt with bigger and badder bullies than Patman' he says 'Don't worry about me'

She looks at him, smiling in spite of herself at his optimism and devil may care spirit. She had never met anyone like Billy before. 'Just be careful, he's spiteful, and once he decides to ruin someone, it's pretty much a done deal' she warns him

He is touched by the genuine concern on her face, and smiles to reassure her 'What can he take from me? I have nothing' he says simply Morgan feels her heart ache for him. Its not fair, how she and Bruce have so much, and there are people like Billy, who just never stood a chance

They head over to the seating area, and Billy teases 'So why did you want me here? I thought this was where you came from your quiet time?' he asks her 'Just to warn me about Big Bad Bruce? Do you want me to leave now?'

'Please, don't' she says quickly 'I like my quiet time, but I think I would like to spend my quiet time with you if that's ok?'

'That's fine by me' Billy replies. The two of them settle into a comfortable silence When she is disturbed by her phone, he feels the tension from her again, and decides to try and distract her 'Hey' he says 'Do you know much about stars?'

She shakes her head 'Erm no'

'Do you want to learn a bit?' he asks

'You know space stuff?' she asks, laughing

'Yeah, I know space stuff' he smiles, and the two of them go lie in the snow, and for a while, they look up in silence. Taking in the vast expanse of sky above them

He pulls her to her feet and leads her to the clearing 'Lets start off easy. That is the Big Dipper, consisting of seven bright stars of Ursa Major, the constellation of Ursa Major is seen as a bear, see it? Once you find the Big Dipper, you can navigate the skies more easily'

He tries to act casual as she links his arm through his and starts searching the skies, suddenly she shouts in excitement

'Oh I see it! Is that it there? Where those three bright stars are in a line?'

Billy nods, glad she looks like she is enjoying herself 'That's right!'

'Look!' There was a shooting star, did you see it? Did you?' her eyes shining with excitement

'Yeah I seen it, did you make a wish?' he asked quietly

She catches his eye, and looks down, 'Yeah, I did'

He nudges her, 'Well, what did you wish?'

'Can't say, won't come true'

She shivers and he gestures to her, 'Can I?' he asks, before putting his arm around her, pulling her closer, she nods, and slips her arm around his waist Billy feels his knees go weak, tries to stay cool as he continues to point out constellations and tell stories about each one

They sit for another hour, sometimes chatting, but mostly silent, watching the sky, making wishes on shooting stars, and marvelling at the expanse of the universe

'You know, you're really, really smart, I don't think I have met anyone as smart as you before' Morgan says suddenly

'Thank you, I read a lot. My dad...well he wasn't around and I used to just be left alone most days, I spent a lot of time hanging around libraries, they were warm, and the ladies that worked there usually looked after me, even got me lunch!' Again, Morgan's heart broke

He jumps up, seeing the sympathy on her face, he did not want her to feel sorry for him.

'Come on, its after 1am, your parents will be freaking out' he said, pulling her to her feet

'Shit how did it get so late!' she laughs 'Thank you, its been a lovely night' she adds, shyly

As she got to her feet, the two are standing facing each other, their cold breaths mingling in the frigid air. They are silent, the air electric. All it would take would be one step forward, but instead, she takes one step back.

'Bye Billy' and heads off towards the treeline

Morgan gets home at almost 2am, she tries to sneak in the door, but hears her mum thunder down the stairs. 'What time do you call this Morgan? I have been calling you all night! I thought someone had kidnapped you! Do you have any idea how worried we have been?!'

'Mum, I am almost 18, please, give me some space' Morgan groans 'I'm fine, no-one kidnapped me, I was just at the bluffs watching the stars, stop treating me like a child!'

'You are a child! You are my child, and while you are under my roof, you will abide by my rules! You know you have to be in for 10.30! If you get in trouble, you know what that means for me? My reputation, ruined! It will be in all the tabloids! Stay out of trouble young lady!'

'The tabloids? Its the Windenburg Gazette! Get over yourself mother, and why is it about you and your reputation all the time?' Morgan bites back 'What about my life?'

Moira covers her daughters mouth 'I am stopping you before you say anything you regret, my house, my rules, and if you want your trust fund, then you will live by them, got it?'

'And who were you with? I know it wasn't Bruce, he has been calling all night!' 'I was with friends mum! I am allowed to have friends other than Bruce!' Moira scoffs, 'You are lucky to have that boy Morgan...his father is very important you know!' Morgan rolls her eyes

'Very rich you mean' Morgan mutters 'RIGHT! THATS IT!' Moira shouts, 'I am not taking this from you! Get upstairs to your room I don't want to look at you. You are grounded!' 'Mum! You cant ground me! I'm 17!' 'I don't care, you will not leave this house unless its for school'

For Chapter 4 clicky clicky right...HERE

#sims #the sims 4 #sims4 #sims 4 screenshots #sims 4 #the sims #showusyoursims #simsstories #sims story #sims stuff #story simblr #BillyandMorgan

[randolphbellmd]

please forgive this long-winded recap of the year i am experiencing some uncharacteristic optimism and don’t know what else to do with it.

to preface, the last four new years eve’s have been awful. in 2018, my friend was in the process of breaking up with me but didn’t have the courtesy to tell me. in 2019, i was a ninth wheel at a party hosted by said “friend”. 2020 speaks for itself, i think.

my 2021 ended after a neuropsychologist doing a 45 min test (instead of an 8 hour assessment) and telling me that the crippling dysfunction that i had been struggling with for years was just single pandemic grad student things. she suggested i start taking a medication i’d already tried and vitamin D. this was a three days before my second pandemic xmas alone. i spent the next four days exclusively watching a sitcom and doing a puzzle (to get out of my head) and filled a script for a third attempt at antidepressants. i decided that if multiple therapists and an actual medical doctor was going to look at me and say “it’s nothing, just try harder,” then i was officially on my own. i had no friends in town, i had no one who could help me do my job, and i couldn’t rely on a doctor to help me. i was on my own to create my own support network.

for months i was fueled exclusively by spite, fictional characters, and a daily dose of meds. i wanted to get out of grad school. i wanted to be “doctor”. not because of the status or the jobs but because i wanted to be dr. and not mrs. or ms., and i didn’t want to quit after 6 years of being here already. that fueled me enough to stumble through a few months. i got some of my mojo back and started doing experiments again, which meant that i would get closer to graduating. then i tricked myself into thinking i had so much mojo that in the summer, i scheduled and finished a massive 12 weeks of 60+ hr/week. and i did it. all via faking it until i made it.

it turns out i made it.

but what really changed was that sometime in may/june, i started being able to see the future again. for the first time in years, i could see my future. grad school is always this purgatory between student and career and for years (coupled with isolation and general sam-ness) i couldn’t see any way out of it. not in a i-wish-i-was-dead way but the view of the future just looked like this big, dark, never-ending tunnel. this year i could finally see the signs that pointed toward the exit. i’m even getting close enough to see the light at the end.

i started thinking about how i saw myself in that future, and what being “dr.” actually meant. i’ve always been somewhat gender neutral (being named sam rocks, btw) and had been wearing almost exclusively men’s clothes for years, but i started thinking about how much better it felt when i allowed myself to be truly gender neutral all the time. when i was dr. sam, what did that look like? and i did a search for top surgery. i kinda laughed it off and was like yeah, wouldn’t that be nice, but eh, not now.

until i stopped saying “eh, not now.” and started saying “why not now?” and after weeks of detailed research it was looking more like now was exactly the right time. for a hundred reasons i won’t go into. i told my therapist and she asked how it felt to say that out loud and i said “this is the first time in years i’ve felt good about the future.” i called the hospital the next day and set up a consultation that at the time was nine months in advance. it’s in april of next year. which means the procedure will be sometime late next fall, right around my 30th birthday.

since that day, everything’s felt a little more hopeful. i had a hard deadline for when i wanted to be done with my experiments... because i would be recovering from surgery. i started exercising regularly... to be in better shape before the procedure. and it just snowballed from there. i’ve been exercising 4+ days/week for 20 weeks straight because i found a program that i like (and have lost 15 lbs because of it). i finished a huge experiment this summer and next month is my qualifying exam. i’m actually scientifically working on my gut, and had to give up my favorite foods for months to do so. i bought a suit. i made a tattoo appointment. i wrote 200,000 words of fanfiction.  i got a new therapist to help with the OCD. i hadn’t brought any meat into my home in years on account of crippling anxiety and i’ve cooked chicken three times. this month.

and if you’re wondering, these are all little changes. the workouts started as 30 min low-impact HIIT videos on youtube. the chicken isn’t magically a good sauteed chicken stir fry, it’s “i’m going to use tongs to throw this in the crock pot and not look at it for 4 hours until it’s cooked to death, but that still counts as cooking it.” it’s baby steps, but it’s real steps.

oh, and i got a second opinion from a different neuropsychologist, and after a full clinical assessment, i got a diagnosis that made sense. and it was even better than the first, because after getting that diagnosis, nothing has changed. my life wasn’t magically better because a doctor told me what was up, it just made me feel a little better about why things are so hard, and made me want to work harder on those things.

god just typing this doesn’t feel like it’s all true but it is. i sound like a cliche.

looking back at all the resolutions i wrote at the beginning of the year... i’ve hit all of them somehow. be ready for my qualifying exam, exercise more, cook meat... all of them. initially thanks to spite, tv, and antidepressants, but then because i started saying “why not now” (and also spite, tv, and antidepressants). it all snowballed. i’m writing this because i genuinely can’t believe what i’ve accomplished this year. especially because of where i was last year at this time, sitting in my shower thinking i was permanently broken and nothing would fix me, and i would never see through the darkness of this tunnel.

tl;dr: never underestimate the power of spite, small joys (read: tv), medication, and faking it till you make it. because if you do that enough, you won’t be faking it anymore, you’ll just be doing it. that perseverance will spill into other parts of your life if you let it. so much so that after 365 days, you won’t believe you were able to do all of this by - and for - yourself. create your own community. stick with it. change what isn’t working. try the meds. live for yourself.

this year, i lived for myself. it doesn’t feel real, but it is.

#this is very long and very self-indulgent please ignore #but if you've been following me since 2013 you'll know how Big this is #still a long way to go before i am 'happy' but i feel... good.

[samuraiko]

dorian is timidly asking dariax if they can cuddle instead of go back to back

Sorry, Anon, I didn't see this one until just now! Also, I'm not quite sure what vibe you're wanting for this one, so I'm gonna go with my gut. Either way, I hope you like it.

"Wherever You Are"

"Can we please agree that we are never... ever... EVER going to do something that stupid again?" Dorian groaned, stretching out on one of the beds of the large inn room he and the others were sharing.

"Hey, we all survived!" Cyrus protested where he lay beside his brother.

"Barely." Fy'ra's reply was somewhat muffled by the monk being facedown into her pillow. "If we are voting on whether to ever do that again, my vote is for NO." Without lifting her head from the pillow, she stuck one hand in the air.

"Hard pass from me, too," Opal chimed in from her place next to Fy'ra, also raising her hand.

"Motion passed, never do that again," Dorian muttered.

"Hey, don't I get a vote?" Dariax grumbled from Dorian's other side, but Dorian shook his head.

"It's three against, one for, your vote wouldn't change anything."

"Who's the four?"

"Cyrus is the 'for'."

"No, you said three and then four. Whose vote counts as four?"

"No, Dariax, FOR, not FOUR- you know what, never mind. I'm going to sleep. Someone blow out the candles."

Four groans greeted him.

"Where's Orym and his Gust when you need him?" Dariax grunted, turning over so that his back was against Dorian's.

Dorian lay silent for a moment, then got out of bed and blew out the candles before stretching out between Cyrus and Dariax once more, but not before pulling out the Sending Stone and clutching it in his hand.

It didn't take long for Fy'ra, Opal, Dariax, and Cyrus to drop off to sleep, but sleep eluded the air genasi. And as if in answer to his thoughts, he heard a familiar voice in his head.

Hey, friend. Missing you here. Could really use your special brand of creative optimism right now. Don't know where you are. Hope you're happy. Bye now.

In spite of himself, Dorian smiled, and brought the Sending Stone near his lips. As quietly as he could, he answered, "Hey..." He softly chuckled. "Floating bar got a little weird. Took a while to land it. This side of the fam's keeping me busy. Missing you all, too." You especially. And then, before he even realized what he was saying...

"Don't die."

Putting away the stone, Dorian couldn't help but wonder about his halfling friend. Orym was always the steadfast one, reliable, supportive. If he's needing optimism... things must be getting rough, even if he didn't want to admit it.

Eventually he rolled to his other side and quietly murmured to Dariax, "Hey."

"'Sup?"

"Would... would you mind if..."

Dariax looked over his shoulder at Dorian and peered closely into the bard's face. Then he shrugged.

"Just don't snore in my ear."

Dorian wrapped one arm around Dariax's waist, pulled the dwarf into the curve of his body, and closed his eyes.

Stout instead of supple.

Broad instead of lithe.

Coarse auburn instead of soft brown.

Ale instead of cherry blossoms.

But for the moment, it sufficed.

Good night, little spoon, wherever you are.

#critical role #campaign 3 #exandria unlimited #orym of the air ashari #dorian storm #dariax zaveon