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shootingstarwritings · 2 days

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A Beta makes, an Alpha takes

TW: homophobic slurs

Eduardo Garcia was a content creator who, like many others in his field, lived in the SolCal area. He was a self-described ladies man and an amateur pick-up artist. Most of his videos and livestreams focused on giving life advice for men. That night was the same as it always was, with Ed saying his catchphrase, “A beta makes, an alpha takes,” to his impressionable audience.

Once the stream ended and he counted his donations, Ed made his way to the bar. It didn’t take long for him to find another girl to screw. His type was always the same: eager young women new to town and looking for something deep and steady.

After a long and sensual session, the girl whose name he forgot asked if what Ed wanted for breakfast that morning. She had wanted to cuddle, but Ed’s protests kept her at bay. Ed pretended to think for a while before saying, “I’ll treat ya. It’ll be a surprise,” before kissing her.

Around five the following morning, Ed snuck out of her apartment having lost zero winks of sleep that night. ‘Not my fault there’s so many suckers in this town,’ he thought to himself, grinning the whole way back to his apartment. ‘They wouldn’t fall for fellas like me if they had a lick of common sense. I just do what I do. If they don’t wise up then it’s on them.’

That morning should’ve been like all the other ones for Ed. He was in a fantastic mood to grab a quick bite and then spend some time in the gym after scoring as hard as he did the night before. However, just as he reached the floor his apartment was on, he caught sight of his neighbor standing unusually still.

Carlos was exactly everything that Ed hated about the SolCal area. They were in the same field as influencers, but Carlos focused more on “Affirmations of the self,” and “Queer rights,” and other stuff Ed had long-since forgotten about. Carlos had gone to great detail to explain, but Ed had mostly tuned out whatever didn’t relate to Carlos’ follower count or the cash he was making. Knowing the two would never get along, Ed preferred to avoid Carlos altogether, even if he did secretly wish the two would collab so that Ed’s follower count would grow.

Yet, on that morning, Ed couldn’t take his eyes off of Carlos. He stood in front of his apartment door, staring blankly ahead. A few moments passed, but the man didn’t even blink. Ed knew he should just leave him along and mind his own business, but a nosy part of him urged him forward.

“Hey man,” Ed called out, “You okay? You’ve been standing there for like an hour or something.”

Carlos’ head immediately snapped towards the direction of Ed’s voice, causing the latter to nearly jump out of his skin. “I was unable to court another female,” said Carlos in a stilted, unnatural tone. “I was reviewing what I did wrong. Forgive the intrusion.”

‘Court another female. So the fag’s trying to get with chicks, now?’ thought Ed before being struck by a genius business idea. “Good on ya, man!” Any prior concerns about Carlos’ odd behavior were discarded to the wind as Ed wrapped an arm around his shoulders and squeezed. “Good to see ya swinging for the right team. ‘bout time you dropped all that fag shit,” he said, pointing a thumb to the pride flag hanging on Carlos’ door.

“Fag shit…?” echoed Carlos, but he didn’t offer any resistance as he was guided to Ed’s apartment.

“You came to the right place, my friend. Nobody knows how to pick up the ladies quite like this lady-killer.”

“You kill them?”

“Ha-ha! Aw, ya crack me up, big guy. C’mon, I’ll give ya a few pointers.” For Ed, giving Carlos several of his lessons and even showing him the streaming setup was an investment. He was gaining much money from doing this, but all he needed was to win Carlos’ trust over and he’d be swimming in new subs and a brand new market to sell. There just had to be guys who played for both teams on Carlos’ faggy audience, he assured himself.

After about half an hour of coaching, Carlos repeated Ed’s lessons like a college student cramming for a final. “A beta makes, an alpha takes.” For whatever reason Carlos seemed particularly fond of that phrase.

“We’re the men. The providers! That’s why we gotta remind this pussified society who’s really in charge. The alphas,” said Ed, flexing his bicep to punctuate his point. His body was one of the few things he had worked honestly for. Steroids and diets were a frequent topics in his online rants. To Ed, if one couldn’t get a body like his naturally, then they couldn’t call themselves a real man.

“And this has worked to acquire mates?”

“Mates? Bro, I’m swimming in pussy. And soon you will too,” said Ed. He lightly tapped Carlos’ chest. “With a bod like this? It’ll be even easier. Stick with me and I’ll get you laid. Just, uh, don’t forget ‘bout that collab I mentioned.”

Carlos, after what seemed like an eternity of stone-cold stoicism, finally cracked a smile. “Yes, I would love to collaborate with you.”

“Awesome! Lemme get something to celebrate.” It was still early in the morning, but it was always five o’clock somewhere, right? Ed made hi way over to his fridge and pulled some of the quality beer. The cheap stuff was reserved for those rare moments he had a girl over. “We gotta celebrate this new friendship of ours, my man. I got--!”

Carlos tackled Ed as he walked back to the living room. The two crashed onto one of his couches in a mess of struggling limbs. “Yo, what the fuck, man?!” cried Ed. He tried to push Carlos off, but froze as he saw Carlos’ body convulsing and his eyes rolling up, showing the whites. Seizure? Stroke?

Before Ed could reach for his phone in his pocket, Carlos leaned forward and locked lips with him. As soon as the two made contact, a slimy creature flowed from Carlos’ mouth into Ed. Once the substance made contact with Ed, his body began unresponsive. He tried to struggle and push Carlos off of him, but his arms remained heavy and limp. More and more of the slime pumped into Ed until Carlos’ body, unconscious yet still convulsing rolled off of the couch.

Ed couldn’t move but he could still feel a chilling sensation spread throughout his body, filling him up. The slime crawled down his throat and began to expand inside of him. Most of it traveled down his esophagus and began to assimilate his core, arms, legs, and toes. Each limb seized and shook as it became corrupted by the invader.

Ed tried to scream as it fell the creature fill his head and coating his brain, yet he could do nothing but endure the sickening yet pleasurable feeling. It was filling him up, and for whatever reason, Ed couldn’t help but enjoy the way the creature dominated him. His body, still unresponsive to his pleas for help, merely humped the air and sensually moan as it was taken over.

Eventually, Ed blacked out. The last thing he perceived was his hands touching his face and his own laughter.

~~~

‘Please, give me my body back,’ whined Ed.

“Give it a rest, Ed,” the creature possessing Ed said, grinning to himself. “Thank you for providing this impressive specimen, by the way. I quite enjoyed the takeover.” He tilted his head as he read the magazine. “Hmm, you are well-endowed, indeed. Perfect for my mission.”

A few days had passed since the creature slithered into Ed’s body. Ed had woken up to see his body piloted by some kind of foreign invader. Despite Ed’s pleads, it refused to give up control, saying, “I’ve been needing a strong and virile specimen to breed and spread.”

‘You can’t fucking do this to me! It’s not right,’ Ed begged from the recesses of his own mind. ‘I’m a human being. I don’t deserve this!’

“Your mind is intact, is that not enough for you?” the creature said as he jerked Ed’s cock in the couch. “You could have ended up like my previous experiment. Right, Carlos?”

“Right you are, my alpha,” said the thing inside of Carlos. Ed tried to look away from Carlos’ naked and puppeted body, but the creature didn’t have the decency to give him that.

Carlos was not the creature’s first victim, but it was the first that didn’t suffer massive brain damage from the creature’s invasive efforts. However, the creature still hadn’t quite managed to access Carlos’ memories and personality. It had managed to figure out the basics and just needed one more attempt to do a proper possession. Ed was the creature’s first success, and it wouldn’t be the last.

“What else do you wish, my master?” said Carlos as he eagerly marched over to Ed, swaying his hips and sticking his ass out as he spoke. “Do you want to breed me once more? Fill me up with more of your spawn so I may go and spread?”

While Carlos hadn’t suffered brain damage, but the trauma of the invasion caused him to become catatonic. To remedy this, Carlos was the first one to received the creature’s spawn. The creature, riding high thanks to Ed’s disgust at the homosexual act, fucked Carlos’ body and let one of its children pilot the still-living husk.

“Please, act a bit more like your host would. Keep reviewing the videos.” Ed mentally screamed to himself as his invader forced him to say that. Even if the creatures had little idea as to how to blend in society, the sheer amount of content that Carlos and he made would guarantee that they had plenty of references for impersonating them. “Later, I’ll pump you full. I just… need to explore this body of mine a bit more.”

Carlos cleared his throat before giving a sweet, nonchalant smile. “No prob, my man. Later we should go out, though. Get familiar with the area.” He winked and said, “Later,” just as Carlos always did.

‘Please, let me go,’ Ed tried once more. The idea of the creature doing this to his friends and family, acting like him the whole time, was a hell he couldn’t bear. ‘I-I’ll even hook you up with another better. Better bodies, just please let me go…’ Ed internally sobbed.

“You’re quite pathetic,” the creature sneered as it violated Ed’s body once more. “Where’s your bravado, Eddie~? You were swimming in pussy just a few days ago. Now you’re pounding men and craving cock.” Ed’s body let out a malicious laugh as ropes of cum erupted from his stolen dick. “It’s like you always said. A beta makes, an alpha takes.”

#male possession #male body possession #slime possession #gay male possession #gay possession #gay story #gay fiction

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red-write-hand · 7 months

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Modern!Tommy headcanons

(this could just be my thoughts splat onto a page but have fun! also no beta read we die like tommy's sexuality the moment he saw alfie solomons)

If that man could take his computer to bed with him, he would

He runs on cigarettes and coffee

I feel like he would totally have those machines that are super intricate about making coffee

Usually an apple loyalist but buys add-ons from others (think headphones, charging cables, other Bluetooth items)

Listens to The Neighborhood, Drake, Hozier, Eminem, The Rolling Stones, The Beatles, Kendrick Lamar, Bastille

Exclusively buys from Boss, started as a joke with his brothers but then he realized he really likes the suits he bought

Owns a bunch of clubs and knows about the best clubs to go to if you want a good time

Likes to eat expensive food but will never turn down Italian take out at horrible hours of the night

Absolutely owns a pair of those Bluetooth Raybans that play music discreetly

Favorite movies are the Tobey Maguire Spidermans, Star Wars (only the New Hope, Empire Strikes Back, Return of the Jedi, Revenge of the Sith, and Rise of Skywalker)

Has better figured out his own mental health and sexuality

this👏man👏is👏bisexual👏 (it radiates off him, takes one to know one)

since it is more widely accepted, he feels a little better about it

he absolutely had his first bi panic when he would banter with Freddie

that and EVERY interaction with Alfie

alfie bought him a tiny pride flag which he keeps in his desk, right next to his incredibly expensive alcohol ~x fem!Reader headcanons (m! in part 2)~ warnings: kinda unethical office workplace relationship?

its become a joke of sorts about being tommy's secretary around his family

this all stemmed from him taking an interest in you when you applied

you really were gorgeous to him

you're the only person he is slightly comfortable around besides the Blinders or his own family

the longer you work with him, the more comfortable he gets

after awhile, he (politely, our boy is respectful) asks you to call him Tommy instead of 'Mr. Shelby'

he is one of the most sought after men in the city which makes him very alluring to most

you don't super see it, he's always been very "normal" around, not the silver tongued devil most people knew him as

it wasn't that you didn't like him, you really did, his gorgeous frame, his perfect eyes, his slender fingers, his dark hair, everything was amazing except for the fact that he never really showed any interest in you, to him (you thought), you were his secretary, nothing more

oh how wrong you were

this all changes one late night, him still tirelessly working and you still there making sure that he doesn't stay there all night

it doesn't take much for him to just keep running on fumes so it usually falls upon you to remind him what god awful hour it is

you gently crack open the door and poke your head in

"Hey, Tommy, it's almost 1, pack it up and get some actual sleep."

He rolled his neck and closed his computer, just before packing everything up, he stops

"Cmon 'ere"

It was simple and you knew what could happen if something were to go down but you could find a new job if you had to

The Shelby building was quiet and the only office with any lights on was his

You leaned on the side of his desk and he opens the big drawer at the bottom

He procures the bottle of probably very expensive alcohol and starts pouring you one

"Why do you stay so late? Making sure I go home isn't in your contract."

You thought about it, it had become such a part of your daily cycle

"I guess I've just gotten used to it. Seemed like the right things to do after awhile."

He thanks you quietly and hands your glass of the whiskey he had poured

This was the softest you had ever seen him, you decided to capitalize off of it

"I've never understood it, why are you so comfortable with me Tommy?"

He nods slowly, knowing he would have to explain himself soon

"Polly says I don't 'ave my head straight yet, so my answer won't do you much good."

You, of course, weren't satisfied with that answer so you decided to play a hunch

By this hour of the night, his hair was rather disheveled so you tentatively ran your finger through it, fixing it for him

a small smirk bloomed on your lips when his expression seemed to soften more

This sort of tension was now a pattern for the two of you

The tension got to such a height that after awhile, late at night, he would just pull you into his lap and have his hand wrapped around your waist

You like to run your hands through his hair or trace his jaw with your fingertip

this is just how it is for the two of you and both of you like that <3

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pack-the-pack · 9 months

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✦MISCECANIS PRIDE FLAG✦

So I may or may not have spent a lot of time making this flag (No I could not figure out how to not make it blurry on tumblr, thanks tumblr). It's a pride flag for all those of us who identify with the omegaverse lifestyle, or in a deeper more intimate level. Ever since I came up with the term in 2020 I kind of wanted to make a flag for it, and now we finally have one! I'm so excited!!!

✦The meaning of the colours and shapes✦

✦Teal: Symbolizes Legacy. The Legacy we received as a community over the years, as well as the legacy we leave as a community for future generations who may find comfort and/or solace in omegaverse and with the miscecanis life-style. ✦Turquoise: Symbolizes Fluidity. Not only of the concept of Omegaverse itself, in its ever changing nature, but also of the miscecanis community and its individuals. ✦ White: Symbolizes Freedom. The freedom many of us feel when we identify as Miscecanis. Freedom that may relief grief, feelings of inadequacy and dysphoria. Freedom to be who we truly are and how we truly feel. ✦ Yellow: Symbolizes Pride and Self-Love. In identifying as a miscecanis we love ourselves more than we hate those who hate and ridicule us every day. In identifying as Miscecanis we love ourselves for who we are inspite of negative perceptions. ✦ Gold: Symbolizes Community. The community we built for ourselves, of mutual support, love and acceptance. ✦ Purple: Symbolizes Unity. Unity of all the aspects above as well as unity of spirit with our fellow Miscecanis people. ✦ The Moon: Neither Waxing nor Waning, the Crescent moon faced down is both. Symbolizing Rebirth and Introspection of the Self at the same time. ✦ The Four Pointed Star: The Star represents the three classic dynamics (Alpha, Beta and Omega) + Tertiary Dynamics. The smaller spikes in between each arm of the star represent the in-betweens of the dynamics that also exist in our community. Yes you can use this flag for yourself! You can also take inspiration from it and make other flags that relate to misce varieties (misceanimalis, miscefelis, miscelupus, etc.). ENJOY MY LOVELIES!!!! (If you'd like a non-fuzzy and blurry shitty tumblr rez version of the picture just let me know. You can DM me).

#miscecanis #omegaverse #alpha/beta/omega #A/B/O #alpha beta omega #Alpha beta omega dynamics #alpha/beta/omega dynamics #omega males #omegas #omega females #betas #male betas #male alphas #female alphas #female betas #alphas #miscecanis pride flag

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bunnie-paws · 7 months

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Omega Miscecuniculus

Part of my series for miscecuniculus identities :3

Miscecuniculus | Alpha | Beta

#pride flag #miscecanis #miscecuniculus #miscecuniculus lifestyle #misceanimalis #a/b/o lifestyle #omegaverse #a/b/o #bunny alpha #bunny beta #bunny Omega #bunny a/b/o #a/b/o verse #alpha/beta/omega #a/b/o dynamics #alpha beta omega dynamics #alpha beta omega

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yourfaveisomegaverse · 6 months

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Serizawa Katsuya from Mob Psycho 100 is a Beta

#your faves blog #your fave is blog #your fave is #your fave blog #your fave is a beta #mod omega 🥺#mob psycho 100 #serizawa katsuya #beta flag #beta pride #mp100 #omegaverse hc #omegaverse headcanons

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cy-cyborg · 1 month

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Forgetting your character is disabled isn't a "good representation" flex: Writing Disability Quick Tips

[ID: An image with “Writing Disability quick tips: Forgetting your character is disabled isn't a good representation flex” written in chalk the colour of the disability pride flag, from left to right, red, yellow, white, blue and green. Beside the text is a poorly drawn man in red chalk looking down confused at his leg, one is drawn normally, the other is drawn to resemble a basic prosthetic. He has question marks above his head. /End ID]

For a while, I was involved in the booktok and Tik Tok writing communities, specifically parts of the community focused on more diverse books and authors. During this time, I noticed a reoccurring pattern when people were highlighting stories featuring disabled characters, or even promoting their own books, and that was how often people would say "I kind of forget they have [insert disability here] because they're such a badass."

The intention behind this statement is (usually) good, with people trying to show that their disabled characters are self-sufficient and don't fall into the tired old sad/helpless disabled person trope, however, you can - and very much should - do that without erasing your character's disability. If you find yourself forgetting your character is disabled, or your beta and pre-release readers are commenting about forgetting it, then there's a good chance that's exactly what you've done - and as a disabled person myself, if I see that statement being used in your marketing in particular, it's a giant red flag and a sure fire way to make sure I give the book in question a skip.

Remember, disabilities (especially major ones) are a part of your character's identity, and they're important regardless of the character's personal relationship with it. Even if your character doesn't specifically identify with the label of disabled or doesn't really care that much, it's should still be impacting their daily life, even in small ways. If you're finding yourself forgetting about a major part of your character's identity, it might be a good idea to check and make sure their disability is having an impact on the character.

I see this comment most often with amputee characters, and to me, it's a pretty consistently good indication that the author has treated their character's prosthetic as a cure rather than the mobility aid it is. It's far from unique to amputees, mind you (I talked about this a lot when I was discussing the character of Toph from Avatar), but it's when I tend to see it the most. Remember that mobility aids and other forms of assistive technology and assistive magic (if it's a fantasy story) are just that: they're aids, they assist, they shouldn't be cures.

Of course, this wasn't unique to Booktok, I've seen it on nearly every other social media site with a writing and book-focused community at some point, but Tik Tok was just where I spent the most time and it seems to be where I see the most people specifically gloating about it.

#Writing disability with Cy Cyborg #Quick tips #Disability #Disabled #Disability Representation #Writing Disability #Writing #Writeblr #Authors #Creators #Writing Advice #Disabled Characters #On Writing #book marketing

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animentality · 1 year

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heyheyhey idk if u know how cool and important it is to have a badass assassin story with something other than cis gays and have it be Not a Big Deal but,,, it’s literally one of the first legit published books I’ve ever found like it?? And in a genre that I love??? And written well?? And genuinely funny as fuck?? Idk I’ve never seen an enby that gets to exist without it being A Tragic Plot Point or something To Overcome so thank u??? Like so much???? I can’t tell u how much???? I definitely didn’t cry at all about it nope not even once

:DDDDDD omg, my heart started pumping faster when I saw this ask. I am always so giddy when people talk to me about my books, especially the specifics about characters and tone and things they liked!

Yeah, I wanted to include every goddamn color in the pride flag!!

Pansexual/ bisexual assassins, nonbinary demons, a transgender assassin, an unrealistic number of gay and lesbian demon summoners! That's my fantasy world. It's not talked about, because it's simply normal.

Irvine in particular I adore because I am nonbinary myself, but also because they are just so powerful, and they don't even know just how much yet!

I always disliked how many nonbinary characters in fantasy and sci fi are just token "they/them" body guards, robotic or asexual leaning non-humans, or quiet, unassuming love interests who only exist to show a character is pansexual or something.

Irvine was my love letter to my own identity because I thought hey what if there was a nonbinary character who just fucks shit up, every time they appear? What if there was an enby who just kicks ass and is sexily never showing their face, and wears a badass hood all the time?

And then Irvine was born. My little storm demon :)

Also, I don't know if you ever saw the commissioned art, but I will post it in this ask for your viewing pleasure:

so glad you love my child. my baby blorbo.

who i intend to put through the wringer, lemme tell you, because i like to put all my favorite characters through it.

So glad you find it unique too! I honestly was feeling so badly about it, after months of querying and beta swapping, and getting feedback from dozens of people who only found things to criticize as being too strange or too different or stylistically confusing.

I went through a year of being told it wasn't good, and-and I'm a little emotional and overcome with appreciation and gratitude to all the people who not only bought or downloaded the book while it was free, but who also actually read the whole thing, and found it GOOD.

Like people...think i...write well??? oh gosh. oh god.

chills.

The asks I get keep me going through this mundane, dull little world. They give me something to look forward to, in between the doldrums of normalcy...

They also validate me for thinking someone...someone out there must find this good...

Thanks for taking the time to send this ask :))) it means the world to me.

I save them all in my drafts so I can look at them when I'm sad...

Also, THANK YOU FOR NOTICING THAT THE BOOK IS FUNNY.

in between the angst and the action and the blood-filled fist fighting and crazy sniper/melee battles, there is a lot of dark comedy!

I love dark comedy. I love satire.

As much as I love being edgy, I think a story without any humor at all is unbearable.

I want you to hurt with my characters...but you should also laugh with them! Laugh at them! Be amused by their stupidity...or by their cleverness.

Be charmed by their vulnerability, but also their insane, abnormal, bizarre points of view!

AAAAH, I'm so glad you found it funny AND heart-breaking!

That is exactly what I want every story of mine to be.

Thank you thank you thank you for this ask!!

Link to referenced book here, for all the poor spectators who have to see me blubbering like a child.

Please leave a review on Amazon/Goodreads if you haven't already, but if you have, thank you for that too! Every review helps me out so much!

#writing #writers on tumblr #writeblr #reading #book recs #literature #spilled ink #ao3 #lgbt #nonbinary #assassins #demons #demon summoners

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sixshotsinatumbllr · 4 months

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Miracle Logs

Resharing my first one-shot here as a text post because I enjoyed writing it so much. You can also find it on Ao3 here

We all know that fun trope in Aziracrow fics where Aziraphale and Crowley will miracle away clothing and after-sex mess, and miracle in lube. But surely that's all showing up on some kind of report somewhere.

Welcome to my very first ever fanfic, where Michael's ambitions to be the Duty Officer backfire spectacularly.

This one-shot is based on a post someone made on Tumblr a few months ago. I can't remember who made the original post, but seeing that I've pretty much claimed that idea and ran with it, so if anyone knows who made that post, let me know so I can credit the author. Thanks to @addledmongoose on Tumblr, who reminded me of that post and encouraged me to write this, and *exceptional* thanks and a big ol' gold star to @howmanyholesinswisscheese who was a fantastic beta- love your work. Fic under the cut.

‘Well, I am the Duty Officer, Uriel,’ the Archangel Michael says crisply, standing in front of the clear desk that had, up until very recently, been Gabriel’s. ‘The work must fall to someone in…these circumstances-’

‘And that person is you,’ Uriel says dryly.

‘And that person is me,’ Micheal replies smugly.

Uriel sighs, turns and walks off down the corridor without another word, disappearing into the luminosity of Heaven’s expanse.

Michael sits at the desk, with a wiggle so small it would be easy to miss it. She gestures gracefully with a well-manicured hand, and the image of a screen manifests itself in front of her. She smiles beatifically, leaning forward slightly, and starts to explore the additional windows and programs that Gabriel had on his screen.

‘Now, let’s see what we’ve got,’ she murmurs to herself as she starts to scroll and open unfamiliar programs.

There’s extra surveillance footage of the all the zones of Heaven itself, she notes with interest. Saraqael is talking to a low-order scrivener on one of the little boxes of closed-circuit footage. Michael flicks audio on; hears them talking about mundane paperwork. Nothing of interest, so she flicks the audio off again.

Swiping to the side, she catches the sight of Sandalphon staring out the windows to the simulation of the Pyramids of Giza. He vacantly brings a finger to his nose and picks around in it with a vigour that reminds Michael of his enthusiasm with smitings. Michael retches and clicks out of the screen. His non-corporeal body doesn’t even produce mucus…why would he do that?

She notes extra surveillance footage of Heaven itself. She zooms in on a screen, watches Saraqael talking to a low-order scrivener. She flips audio on and off- they are talking about mundane paperwork, nothing of interest there. She swipes to the side, sees Sandalphon standing out the windows, staring out to the simulation of the Pyramids of Giza. He vacantly brings a finger to his nose and starts picking it. Michael retches and clicks out of the screen. His non-corporeal body doesn’t even produce mucus. Why would he do that?

She opens the program labelled ‘Miracle Logs: Earth- Live’. A globe of the Earth opens, a simulation of the blue-green planet, so many of the Heavenly Host are prideful of, suspended and slowly turning on the screen. Almost immediately, there’s the sound of a single bell, a tinny ding, and flag appears over the landmass known as Australia. She clicks it, and it brings up to the screen:

= (Novalis) (Principality//Dorrigo, Australia, Earth) minor healing miracle: gifts focus to a neurodivergent human (0.02 Lazuri)=

This is interesting, Michael thinks. She touches the globe and yes, it is movable. She scrolls it around so that England comes into view, and zooms in on London. Her grin blooms wide across her face.. Here we go, she thinks. Documented proof of the shifty things the Principality Aziraphale gets up to- he’s long overdue for some radical discipline.

As is right on cue, a new notification flashes up onto the screen:

= Aziraphale (Principality//Soho, London, Earth): minor miracle: thwarts human will (convinces human to not buy a book) (0.02 Lazuri)=

Michael raises an eyebrow. She makes a note to schedule a meeting with the Metatron. It really is time for Aziraphale to come back to Heaven. But first to find some more…damning evidence. She settles into her chair.

A few minutes pass, and a new notification pops up:

=Aziraphale (Principality//Soho, London, Earth): Activation of exception to Demonic wards (continuous), the Demon Crowley, AZ Fell and Co, Independant Embassy of Heaven, Soho, London - 0.03 Lazuri)=

Well. As far as incriminating evidence goes, this notification is useful. She’s working out how to screenshot and save the notification when another two notifications pop up.

= Aziraphale (Principality//Soho, London Earth): minor miracle: lock doors, lowers blinds (0.01 Lazuri)=

= Aziraphale (Principality//Soho, London, Earth): minor miracle: bottle of Chateauneuf du Pape teleported from wine cellar to book shop (0.01 Lazuri)=

Michael rolls her eyes. Frivolous miracles, always a problem with Aziraphale. Wasting divine energy on his own selfish satisfactions. Gluttony. Drunkenness. Sin.

Michael sits restlessly at the screen for a few more minutes but nothing more happens. There are other duties she needs to attend to- she needs to catch up with Saraqael about a few things, and there’s that meeting with the Metatron to arrange. She wanders off, but leaves the notification alerts on.

She walks off, deals with a few things, and returns when she hears the sharp ding of the alerts start to go off more rapidly.

=Aziraphale (Principality//Soho, London, Earth): Evidence of Demonic corporeal contact enacted upon an angelic being: Demon touches Aziraphale’s face.=

Michael huffs again. Well this really is-

Ding.

=Aziraphale (Principality//Soho, London, Earth): Evidence of Demonic corporeal contact enacted upon an Angelic being: Demon kisses Aziraphale (lips)=

Ding.

Michael raises her eyebrows, feeling less sure about all of this Duty Officer nonsense now.

=Aziraphale (Principality//Soho, London, Earth): Evidence of Demonic corporeal contact enacted upon an Angelic being: Demon kisses Aziraphale (neck)=

Michael feels a rising flush moving up her neck to her cheeks. She tries to work out how to click out of the program, but before she can, the next run of notifications begins.

=Aziraphale (Principality//Soho, London, Earth): Evidence of Angelic corporeal contact enacted upon an Demonic being: Aziraphale removes demonic neck tie=

=Aziraphale (Principality//Soho, London, Earth): minor miracle: jacket, vest and shirt removed from demonic corporeal body (0.03 Lazuri)=

=Aziraphale (Principality//Soho, London, Earth) blasphemes=

=Aziraphale (Principality//Soho, London, Earth): Evidence of Angelic corporeal contact enacted upon an Demonic being: Aziraphale touches Demonic chest=

Michael is… flummoxed.

She pages Uriel to the desk. It’s not long until the clicking of Uriel’s business heels on the hard white floors of Heaven is heard coming along the corridor.

Michael smiles sweetly at her as she approaches. ‘My Duty Officer shift is over,’ Michael says. ‘It’s your turn now.’

Surprised, and a little confused, Uriel nods. Michael stands and gestures to the chair, one eyebrow raised.

Uriel says nothing as she sits down at the desk, but from the tension around the side of her mouth, one could infer that she is feeling just a little bit proud. Like she’s proved something. She reaches out a hand, straightens the screen and with lift of her chin, turns her attention to the notifications streaming onto the soft, glowing screen.

And falters.

Michael is standing behind her. Michael had planned on walking away. On finding something far less taxing to do, something that might make her forget everything she’s seen today.

She can’t walk away.

Uriel watches with wide eyes as the next notification pops up: =Aziraphale (Principality//Soho, London, Earth): Evidence of Angelic corporeal contact enacted upon an Demonic being: Aziraphale engages with Demonic nipples (two)=

Uriel gestures almost without thinking, and a miracle block is enacted upon Aziraphale.

‘Good work, Uriel,’ Micheal stammers. ‘Exactly what I was about to do.’

‘I…um… don’t suppose you did the training to enact a Miracle Blocker on demons when they held it last century, did you?’ Uriel asks.

‘Ah, no.’ Michael replies, and they both slump a little.

–

Aziraphale tries the gesture again, confusedly. Crowley remains just as clothed (half-clothed?) as he was. Tangled as he is under the weight of Crowley’s body on the Chesterfield sofa, drunk with lust and wine, he’s rather unable to think about why his miracles aren’t working. He tries again. Nothing.

‘My miracles aren’t working,’ he says to Crowley, a purr in the demon’s ear, as the demon kisses up his neck and along his jaw. ‘Would you- ah- mind?’

Crowley looks down at him with a mischievous, joyous glint in his eye. ‘Oh I don’t mind, Angel,’ he says. “I don’t mind at all…’

–

=Aziraphale (Principality//Soho, London, Earth): Evidence of Demonic miracle enacted upon an Angelic being: tartan bow tie removed from angelic corporeal body (0.01 Lazuri)=

=Aziraphale (Principality//Soho, London, Earth): Evidence of Demonic miracle enacted upon an Angelic being: shoes and socks removed from angelic corporeal body (0.01 Lazuri)=

=Aziraphale (Principality//Soho, London, Earth): Evidence of Demonic miracle enacted upon an Angelic being: waistcoat removed from angelic corporeal body (0.01 Lazuri)=

Michael gulps. Uriel grabs Micheal’s arm with a surprisingly strong grip. Neither of them can look away.

=Aziraphale (Principality//Soho, London, Earth): Evidence of Demonic miracle enacted upon an Angelic being: remaining clothing removed from angelic corporeal body (0.03 Lazuri)=

Uriel clears her throat. ‘I- I guess he got impatient?’ she murmurs weakly.

They look at each other. Then away. Then back at the computer. There’s no real way of knowing what the Traitor and the Demon are up to. A pause in the miracles logged means no documentation. But neither of them are stupid.

=Aziraphale (Principality//Soho, London, Earth): Evidence of Demonic miracle enacted upon an Angelic being: lubrication manifested from the ether (0.04 Lazuri)=

‘What’s lubrication?’ Michael asks.

‘You don’t want to know,’ Uriel replies.

There is a long, heavy pause from the screen, and then all of a sudden, sharp ding of the alert starts going crazy.

=Aziraphale (Principality//Soho, London, Earth) blasphemes=

=Aziraphale (Principality//Soho, London, Earth) uses language not befit to an angel=

=Aziraphale (Principality//Soho, London, Earth) blasphemes=

=Aziraphale (Principality//Soho, London, Earth) uses language not befit to an angel=

=outbreak of unscheduled DIVINE ECSTASY (666 kilometre radius, centred in Soho, London, Earth)=

=outbreak of unscheduled DEMONIC RAPTURE (unknown radius, centred in Soho, London, Earth)=

Michael and Uriel stare at the screen, which has gone still. Finally. The absence of the searing ding of the notification alert is as keen and sharp as the alert itself. They don’t move, they don’t look at each other. They just… absorb what they have witnessed. They need a moment.

Another ding makes them both jump.

=Aziraphale (Principality//Soho, London, Earth) uses language not befit to an angel=

=Aziraphale (Principality//Soho, London, Earth): Evidence of Demonic miracle enacted upon an Angelic being: corporeal bodily fluids (various, angelic and demonic) teleported to the ether (0.04 Lazuri)=

=Evidence of a demonic miracle enacted upon an angelic being Aziraphale (Principality//Soho, London, Earth): corporeal bodily fluids (various, angelic and demonic) teleported to the ether (0.03 Lazuri)

‘How- how in Heaven did Gabriel deal with this?’ Michael spits, flustered. Uriel sits at the desk, her head in her hands.

Before the Memory wipe:

Gabriel sits at his desk. It’s been a boring day of banal bureaucracy, but now it’s his afternoon off. And there’s nothing he’d rather do than catch up on his favourite Miracle Logs.

The Miracle Logs are his favourite thing in Heaven, because these logs will eventually form documentary evidence of a successful relationship between an Angel and a Demon. A precedent.

Gabriel’s not stupid. He knows that there has been something going on for a long time between Aziraphale and Crowley. Possibly even before he himself started seeing Beezelbub in an extra-professional capacity.

He hadn’t paid much attention to Aziraphale for 6000 years, irritating Principality that he is. But now, he counts himself as Aziracrow Shipper number #1. Because if they can do it- go off together, be their own side- then perhaps it’s possible for Gabriel and Beezelbub too.

He zooms into AZ Fell and Co. Nothing much is happening. The last miracle (=Aziraphale (Principality//Soho, London, Earth: minor miracle: boil kettle- 0.015 Lazuri) blinks softly on the screen from an hour ago.

Gabriel miracles an anonymous angelic temptation (temptation to be in the same physical vicinity) over the London area, and narrows the scope to the Demon Crowley. And then he miracles an hamper of gourmet food and the finest of wine (he knows Aziraphale likes to sully his celestial body with gross matter, although Gabriel can’t see the appeal himself) to be anonymously delivered to the bookshop.

He sits back on his chair, and waits for the notifications to begin. It doesn’t take long.

Ding!

=Aziraphale (Principality, Soho, London, Earth): evidence of demonic proximity (AZ Fell and Co, Soho, London, Earth)=

=Aziraphale (Principality, Soho, London, Earth): Activation of exception to demonic wards (continuous), the Demon Crowley, AZ Fell and Co., Soho, London - 0.03 Lazuri)=

Bonus:

It’s been a shit day in Hell. They are all shit days, there’s been rather more than 6000 years of them. But things are looking up for Beelzebub, Grand Duke of Hell. Lounging at their desk, feet crossed and propped up on the table, Beelzebub lounges back in their throne with a box of popcorn in their lap.

They have their screen open to the Demonic Miracles Log: Earth- Live. The dings of the alerts- coming thick and fast- can only just be heard over the screams of the damned in the corridors of Hell.

‘Nice work, Crowley,’ they mutter with a leering grin. ‘At least one of us is getting some.’ Beezlebub throws a piece of popcorn into the air and catches it in their mouth.

#good omens #good omens 2 #gomens #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #anthony j crowley #aziraphale #good omens fanfic #fan fiction #read on ao3 #archive of our own

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