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ash5monster01 · 8 months

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Truths of Our Past Part 7

Pairing: Older!Charlie Dalton x FemReader

Warnings: 18+, angst, mentions of nudity, mentions of infertility, mentions of suicide, depression, depressing thoughts, past trauma, facing trauma, romance, understanding, fluff.

Summary: You had met Charlie in University, were married shortly after, and had become accustomed to a beautiful life together. When you receive a wedding invitation to one of Charlie’s previous classmates weddings you discover that Charlie had a dark past, one he had been trying to forget. In the midst of it all you try to help him through it while finding out that he’s not the guy you thought you married at all. Maybe he’s even better.

word count: 3.3k

Part 6 ←→ Part 8

Masterlist

10/9/69

Day 7/8

You woke up the next morning to a damp wash cloth pressed against your skin. Eyes fluttering open to see your soft and handsome Charlie smiling at you as he wiped away the lipstick that had been left on your skin. It had been smeared from Charlie and your slumber but waking up to see him like this you’d do that every night if you could. No words had to be shared as your hand reached to run your fingers through his hair, the lipstick now almost gone, only the slightest red hue left on your skin. He was entirely too perfect and the memories of living your life here came to your mind again.

“What do you think about moving?” you suddenly asked, voice still lazy with sleep.

“Moving?” he questioned, still tracing the cloth over where there had been marks on your skin.

“Yeah, like out of the city” you said and Charlie thought about it for a moment, the idea not entirely impossible.

“I wouldn’t hate it. We’d probably make less money than we do if I found a job out of the city but you work as well so we’re still bringing in more money than most” he said and you could only smile, your heart aching over leaving the Times but also soaring over the idea of moving to the next stage of life. You’ve already accomplished more than you ever expected.

“That’s true, it would be nice” you hummed in delight, hand still softly combing through his hair. Charlie smiled at your blissed out look and pressed a kiss between your breasts.

“Where you thinking of moving sweetheart?” he asked you, chin resting on your stomach.

“Here” you said like it was the simplest thing in the world but Charlie tensed above you. You could feel his heart rate accelerating against your hip and slowly you lifted your head to furrow your eyebrows at him.

“Is everything okay?” you asked softly and he wore a nervous look, almost unable to make eye contact with you as he processed his thoughts.

“Baby, you know how hard it is for me to come here” he began to say and you were sighing, head falling back into the pillows.

“But everyone is here Char. Knox and Chris, Todd and Ann. I love the area, the scenery. I want a big beautiful town house for our kids and the simple life. I want a life here” you told him, tears burning behind your eyes.

“It looks amazing baby, I know, but I grew up here. I know it seems like the American dream but reality is lives were crushed here, my life was crushed here” he argued and you refused to lift your head and look up at him. You didn’t want him to see the tears that were almost slipping out the sides of your eyes and down onto the pillows.

“We could fix that. We have the power to make it different for our kids and for you. Neil’s death can’t keep you from happiness forever Charlie” and your words stung, you knew they did, and maybe they weren’t entirely fair. Yet it wasn’t fair to continue using Neil as an excuse to hate the world because Neil deserved to be remembered as a beacon of hope. A lesson on living life to the fullest and not missing out on anything. Now here Charlie was, not taking an opportunity because of a sadness that he’s carried for ten years.

“I am happy baby, I swear” but you were rolling away from him, tears slipping onto the pillow and out of his sight.

“Then why can’t we be happy here?” you asked and he couldn’t even answer because he didn’t have one. At least not an answer you would accept because it would prove you were right.

“I’m sorry” he softly said but you couldn’t entirely take it right now. You didn’t want an apology if things wouldn’t change.

“I gotta get ready for the rehearsal” you told him before getting up and locking yourself in the bathroom to be alone. You needed to be alone.

It wasn’t long until everyone was downstairs and sharing a late breakfast before having to go to the rehearsal. Knox and Chris clocked instantly that you and Charlie weren’t talking but they knew not to say anything. Everyone just accepted the silence the whole way to the church and everyone did too when they realized it as well. Chris desperately wanted to get you alone and ask why but based on the devastated look on your face she knew it was better not to ask just yet. Ann on the other hand didn’t have a single clue.

“Oh Y/N, I promise this won’t take long” she whispered over to you, positively giddy over getting to practice her wedding.

“I know Ann, I’m fine” you promised her, a forced smile upon your face.

“Clearly” the sarcastic response from Chris had both you and Ann looking at her with shock. “What, you’ve had a long face all morning”

“It was a long morning, I don’t want to talk about it” you told her, arms crossing over your chest and Chris sighed.

“Look I’m sure your behavior is justified but we need to get through this first” Chris told you and you nodded, feeling a bit like a scolded child but understanding.

“Alright, let’s get everyone in place” and that was how you found yourself stood beside your husband, moments from walking down the aisle. Good memories and bad ones intermingling, and both of you to stubborn to look at each other.

Ann is discussing details with the wedding planner who is just as blonde and bright eyed as her. Knox and Chris stand in front of you, soft whispers and large smiles on their faces. It pains you to watch but you haven’t said a word to Charlie since this morning and you weren’t going to start now. You try to distract yourself with Maggie who won’t stop glancing at Meeks who had gotten stuck walking with Ann’s junior bridesmaid Laine, her sixteen year old cousin. Thankfully later in the night you had remembered to inform the girls that Pitts had mentioned a girl named Kathy and she was stuck with said red head. Now it looked like she was seriously considering it.

“Join arms everyone, and remember your counts!” the wedding planner was announcing and you spotted each couple pairing arms. You could feel Charlie’s stare and you stayed unmoving.

“Come on you two, don’t be shy” and then Chris was turning around and shooting a glare your way. Sighing you joined your arm with your husbands, his other hand coming to rest on it. A peace offering and the comfort it provided you made your heart clench. The worst thing about being upset with him is he was the only one who comforted you the best.

“I know you’re mad at me, but we have to do this for Todd” he whispered to you and you sighed, a sign of defeat as you heard the bridal march start to be played and the doors to the church open.

The wedding planner barked out orders as each pair walked through the church doors. The church was empty and cold but at least Charlie provided some warmth as you memorized which foot to lead with, how many paces you should be behind Knox and Chris, and exactly how fast you should be walking. You tried to remember your own wedding rehearsal but it was hard to recall considering you were so jittery with excitement that day. Much like Ann who was bound to be the most perfect bride. You envied her for it. To be so hopeful and beaming for a beautiful future with the man you love. Not knowing how complicated things could become between you and the other person.

It wasn’t just the moving thing. You and Charlie had been on different sides of the same path for a while now. The infertility had been killing you. Slowly chipping away at your entire being. You didn’t want to be that couple in a sad, quiet, empty, apartment, in a big city and no one to share it with. Charlie was enough but you wanted more. More of you and him in the world but he feared the world because of Neil and you feared how that could destroy the entire outcome of your relationship. Maybe some small part of you thought moving here could somehow magically help you get pregnant. Whatever reasoning it was you just wanted to be with the people you loved and be happy. Not go back to your upper east side apartment that felt so cold. You wanted little Johnny down the street and Ann to bring over warm cookies. You wanted a family even if you couldn’t have your own.

“Baby will you please talk to me” Charlie begged once the rehearsal was over. You had been waiting outside the church, arms freezing in the autumn wind. You felt Charlie drape your coat over your shoulders.

“There isn’t much to talk about” you told him, mind still buzzing with your realization. Your thoughts scared you and now you were stuck with them.

“There is everything to talk about, you can’t simply be mad over just the moving thing” he groaned out, hands tugging at his chestnut hair.

“And why not? Is it not justified to be sick and tired of a big city and a job I can’t even use my real name for!” you finally snapped, head turning to face him. What use was it to be a writer for the Times and have no one know it was you doing such amazing work?

“You’ve never complained about this before, who is to say the local paper here wouldn’t be the same?” Charlie said and you finally looked at him. The pain behind his eyes was the reason you had spent so long not looking at him.

“Maybe it will be the same but at least we’ll be here surrounded by people that love us” you told him, eyes filling with tears.

“Is that what this is about? To be closer to my friends and have some weird blended family thing going?” he asked, shoulders shaking as he tried his best not to yell. He had been so worked up over you ignoring him, he was trying not to lose it.

“Maybe it is, because I’d much rather have a weird blended family than stiff dinners with your parents and disapproving looks from mine! This chosen family we have here is all I ever needed” you told him, head tipping to the sky to keep the tears at bay.

“So I’m not enough?” he finally asked, voice seemingly calm for such a loaded sentence.

“Of course you are Charlie but that big apartment. Three rooms just for us to fill one. It’s a constant reminder that it’ll be nothing more” and the weight of the conversation hit Charlie like a brick. The tears blurring your vision and cheeks so red from the cold.

“Baby we’ll have kids and even if we don’t you’ll still be reminded of that here” he said, trying to step near you and comfort you. Yet you backed away before he could.

“Yeah but at least here we have friends and nieces and nephews. More people to fill that hole in my heart Charlie because it’s swallowing me whole right now. It’s sucking all the life out of me and I don’t know how to get it to stop” the tears were pouring down your face now and Charlie felt his heart shatter at the sight of you.

“Why didn’t you tell me this?” his voice was broken, his own tears stinging at the back of his eyes.

“How am I supposed to? How am I supposed to look you in the eye and tell you I’m miserable because we can’t have kids?” you asked him, the backs of your hands wiping at the tears streaming down your face.

“You can tell me anything baby, I’m always going to be there for you. No matter what it is because I can’t lose you too” and the weight of Neil slapped both of you again.

“I’m going to walk back, I’ll see you there” you told him and Charlie went to reach for you but you stepped out of the way. “Let me go”

And he did even though it went against his better judgement. He knew you needed to be alone right now and that was what hurt the most. To know that you’ve been hurting all these months and he was too blinded by his own pain to notice. He hadn’t cared about the no pregnancy thing as much because he was scared to put kids so innocent in the world that could be hurt like Neil. He felt relieved that he didn’t have that burden of keeping a child so hopeful that they don’t want to take their own life. While he was seeing it as burden you were seeing it as heart break and he hadn’t been there for you when he should have. Now here you were on opposite sides a war that should never be fought. All he needed was you and if he didn’t fix this soon he would lose you.

You were thankful Charlie had brought you your coat or else this walk would have been freezing. It was exactly what you needed though. The fall breeze numbed you in a way that made things a bit more bearable. The autumn leaves in the trees were still vibrant but more littered the ground than they did branches these days. As you got further into town you noticed it was a buzzing more than normal until you saw lots of red and white indicating celebration of football. Homecoming more than likely and as the marching band began to play and girls began to cheer you wanted to be further away from the commotion. “Do you need a ride?”

“What?” you found yourself saying as you spotted the man beside you. His red hair was gelled back perfectly, tie tight, shirt pressed, and long jacket hanging over his shoulders. Common for lawyers your age, it was almost intimidating how put together he currently looked.

“You look a little distraught, figured I’d offer a ride” he said motioning to his car. Eyes falling on the building behind you, you spotted the window that proved your previous assumption. A law firm.

“I um, I’m not entirely sure what’s going on with me at the moment” you offered with a sad laugh and he could only chuckle as he began to remove one of his leather gloves.

“Sadly I know exactly what that feels like, I’m Richard” and he was offering you a hand which you politely shook back.

“Y/N” you told him back and he smiled before nodding his head to his car.

“I’m still offering that ride if you need” he told you and you sighed, eyes glancing at the chaos of the town and the rumbling engine of his car facing the direction of peace.

“As long as Maple Ave isn’t to far out of your way” you said to him and he looked almost surprised you had agreed before moving to open the passenger door for you.

“Not at all” he informed you before shutting you in. You watched as he walked back around before getting in the drivers side and shifting the car into gear.

“So Cameron & Son’s Law Firm” you said gesturing to the window he was now rolling away from.

“Yeah, I started it with my Dad a few years back. The name ended up to be useless since he passed last year” he told you and you instantly felt guilty for bringing it up.

“I’m sorry for your loss” and he shook his head, eyes trained on the road.

“Don’t be, it was kind of freeing for me. I learned a lot about life this past year that I wish I would’ve known” he told you and you nodded as you looked down at your hands.

“What about you?” he asked and you gave him a confused look, surprised he was suggesting you were a working woman in this day and age. “I can spot a member of the work force when I see one. We all wear the same mind numbing look on our faces.

“Journalist, for the Times actually” and he wore a surprised expression, eyes glancing over to you.

“Really, have I read any of your work?” he asked curiously and you shrugged.

“If you’ve read any of Dean Manning’s work than yes” and the low chuckle that came from the boy beside you almost surprised you.

“Screwed you on the pen name huh. No works published under the marvelous name Y/N…” and then he trailed off realizing he didn’t know your last name.

“Dalton, Y/N Dalton” you told him and something else entirely washed over his face as he now glanced at you even more.

“As in Charlie Dalton?” he asked, voice a bit strained and almost nervous.

“Yes, that’s my husband” and if you weren’t crazy he had definitely started to speed up in the direction of your departure.

“Of course it is” he practically laughed to himself and you felt confusion wash over you until you recalled the name, the red hair.

“Richard Cameron” you practically said to yourself before realization dawned on you. “You’re him, wow. I never would have guessed”

“Look that was a long time ago, I’m sure you’ve heard things that I’m not proud of anymore” he said, hands squeezing the steering wheel until his knuckles were white.

“Calm down Cameron, please. My husband and me are on the outs right now so we’re kind of a team” and he calmed only slightly as he turned onto Maple Ave.

“He isn’t here is he?” he asked nervously and you shook your head.

“He’s probably still at the church for Todd’s wedding rehearsal stuff” you said and he sighed and looked over to you.

“So you’re staying at Knox’s place” he knew where it was, a former alum in the same line of work as him. He wasn’t entirely off his radar.

“Yes, actually” you said as he now drove with a purpose, knowing the destination in mind.

“Look I’m sorry, if I had known I would’ve never offered the ride. I keep my distance out of respect” he started to blabber but you held up a hand as he pulled to a stop in front of Knox’s house.

“Don’t worry about it Cameron, my husband has become a gentle man. I love him with everything in me and I know he would be thankful you got me home safe” and he nodded even though he still felt little comfort.

“If you could tell Todd congratulations for me. He deserves it” and you nodded, hand reaching to pop the door open.

“I’m glad I met you Cameron” you told him and he seemed shocked as you got out of the car.

“I haven’t been called Cameron so much since I graduated Welton” he told you and you could only smile.

“Brings back some good memories huh?” you told him, head leaned down into the window.

“Yeah, it does” and you accepted this before offering a wave and shutting the door. He waited like a gentleman until you were in the home before driving away. It looked rushed but you were sure it was fear of reaction to his presence. It was clear he had changed from the man your husband had known. Maybe all the boys had after those days. You wished there was some way to relieve their pain but maybe it was destiny. Maybe Neil’s death put them all on the path they were meant to be on. They all became the people they were meant to be whether it was what they wanted or not. The only good thing was at least they still had each other.

Well at least most of them did.

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icanmakewords · 11 months

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Got inspired by everyone sharing their amazing mc’s from @disenchantedif and figured I’d share a few of mine!

Verity Park

Species: Sorcerer

Route: Viktor/Theo poly

Fun facts:

- she got her nose pierced on a dare from Theo. Ten solid minutes of Viktor attempting to talk them through why doing this at home was a bad idea later, it was done

- she is that drunk girl in the bathroom giving solid life advice and providing tissues & a shoulder to cry on. She’s been the demise of a few relationships after helping someone realize that they deserve more

- she was a ballet baby. Do not cross. You think you’re safe until you face the (unlikely) wrath of a woman who grew up knowing how to survive pointe shoes and work them easily

Outfit Inspo:

Jacqueline Payne

Species: Nephilim

Route: Lucia/Cameron poly

Fun Facts:

- she’s a strong swimmer, and an even better diver. She’s got a scary precision to almost everything she does

- immediately after her and Lucis first kiss (bitter ex lovers back to lovers y’all), she thanked her. She was so flustered after doing that that she decided to cap it off with an honest to god handshake like she was entering a job interview

- after they begin dating, she’ll occasionally stalk out stan Twitter (or whatever equivalent) just to find the especially complimentary (or downright hilarious) tweets there about Cam. Any “I want them so bad” is likely to be followed by a “same”

Outfit Inspo:

Hayden Dalton

Species: Banshee

Route: Charlie/Avery poly

Fun Facts:

- they knit for the people they love. They have an excellent eye for design of that sort, and the patterns are soothing. Their entire friend group has a knitted item from them- Theo and Vik the most. Luci got one too- one they made as a thank you. They didn’t have the heart to take it back.

- they ate an entire bucket of popcorn through Carrie once, so they’re most often cuddling whoever gets scared by horror movies because it is definitely not them

- they appreciate a good weighted blanket to be sure, but a fluffy rug is the way to go for them. If you’ve ever seen a cat kneading, it’s exactly like that. They’ll be laying there at 2 in the morning just. Vibing.

Outfit Inspo:

Savannah Asturias

Species: Cambion

Route: Harlow/Wraith poly

Fun Facts:

- she is a dirty fighter in snowball fights. She’d pout her way into convincing Harlow and Wraith that something needs to be checked out just to turn her relentless stack of snowballs on them

- she’s an excellent chef. It’s a hobby that turned into a skill. She raids Harlow’s closet before she begins cooking because cozy

- she’s the one most people go to to get bailed out of situations. She’s extremely tactful when it comes to disarming the situation, and comfortable with making a few assholes uncomfortable if it helps to get the situation over with

Outfit Inspo:

#disenchantedif

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daltonchronicles · 2 years

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Charlie Dalton's Expulsion

You know what, this right here was the only part of the end of Neil's story arc that upset me. Sure Charlie Dalton was the troublemaker, and had been throughout, but expelling the best friend of the kid who just died when it's obvious his actions were fuelled by grief just means you'll have another teen suicide on your hands. Charlie being expelled meant he wasn't there in the final goodbye to Keating scene with the desks, which took away from the fact the empty desk in the middle was Neil's because there was another empty desk for Charlie. Sure suspension maybe, but Charlie was the only character besides Todd who deserved to be standing up for what Neil would have done. Throughout the film, he's shown as the first to truly deeply understand Keating's point. Neil understands Keating on a surface level, Charlie already has it in his soul. I desperately wanted a scene of Charlie breaking down perhaps alone, because he didn't want to break Todd even more. Charlie doesn't even get his own scene about the expulsion, he's just suddenly gone. But to have Charlie remain, as an opposite to Todd would be so powerful. Could you imagine, Todd finally coming out of his shell, channelling Neil, and Charlie retreating, suddenly empty inside? Todd and Neil had a romantic connection despite knowing each other 4 months but Charlie knew him for YEARS. Charlie deserved better.

#charlie dalton #movies #vintage #anderperry #dead poets headcanons #todd anderson #neil perry #dead poets #dps hcs #Charlie dalton deserves better

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nikkiisgay · 2 years

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Rewatching Dead Poets Society made me realize 3 things. Im in love with Neil Perry, Charlie Dalton is hot, and Todd Anderson needs WAY more screen time that he got. Like wtf Neil’s boyfriend deserves better.

Also I’m sad now

#dead poets #dps boys #dps #dead poets society fandom #dead poets society #anderperry #charlie dalton #todd and neil #todd anderson #neil perry

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soyourethatanderson · 8 months

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as promissed, a knarlie snippet - and still dares me on

Firstly, thank you for all who asked for it, it means a lot.

Secondly, this is more of a discontinued fic. Would I love to continue? Yes. I'm capable of it? Eh, apparently nah.

Hope you enjoy~

....................

Since that day at the courtyard last year where he got hit on, he knew – he just knew – Charlie Dalton was trouble.

Everyone seemed to admire him. Want him, even, if the way Chris’ friends would giggle at the sight of him and the quiet whispers of pretty face and bedroom eyes around them, around the boy’s locker room either, were something to go by.

And after the blowjob incident with Michael Cartwright, the resident fuckboy around school, the guy seemed to become sort of a legend, which was bullshit.

So, he never ever thought he’d ever have anything to do with him one day.

Well… that is, until one Todd Anderson.

‘…I had an anxiety attack and ran away from class… he came after me an-and he helped me.’

The guy did one decent thing and had one incredibly cool friend and, that was it, here they were, having coffee with the guy and the aforementioned incredibly amazing friend Neil Perry.

And worst of all, from up close he seemed sort of… normal. Just a regular guy, a bit too big in attitude and little in sense, but just a guy, not the godly sex-fiend school painted him as.

Even though he did apparently sleep with half of it.

And in two weeks-time, he became aware of two things:

One, Todd for sure had a crush on Neil, with the way his eyes would light up at the sight of him and how much easier he’d let himself laugh since he met him.

It was a bit of a blow on his ego, since all he had been trying to do since day one was make the boy more comfortable, but he’d take what he could get. It was good to see him flourishing like that.

And number two, now they all were some sort of group and that meant he and Dalton were friends now. Which was just weird as hell, but still felt right, even though Charlie would get out of his way to annoy him if he could.

It was as if getting an eye roll or a huff was some personal accomplishment for the guy.

But Dalton seemed to genuinely like Todd, and not in a come-to-my-room-and-I’ll-eat-you-whole kind of way, but more of the way he seemed to care for Neil.

Dalton was sexual about everything it seemed, even his interactions with all of them. But there was a lack of intent there he could notice and respect.

And as for himself, Charlie only seemed too delighted to provoke him to really mean the flirting for sure.

So, he let himself relax. Let his guard down a bit.

And then before he could know, Charlie was just there. A fixed presence in his life. Almost more present than Todd himself, since all the blonde seemed able to think about these days was of sharp cheekbones and deep brown eyes.

Which broke his heart when Neil initially seemed to get together with Jean Miller after his initial freak-out over the stolen kiss.

Todd deserved better than some unrequited love. He deserved to be truly cherished and appreciated like the great guy he was. So, it felt like a betrayal when he learned Charlie had lead Todd, their gullible, gentle Todd to the claws of one Michael Cartwright as a consolation prize for the apparent inevitable heartbreak this crush would lead him to.

Cause that was bullshit. Sex wouldn’t make Todd’s feelings go away. In his own experience, it’d just feed the hole in his chest and make him feel empty inside. And to make things worse, he’d feel used too, since he was just another notch on Cartwright’s belt. That guy would eat Todd alive and spit whatever was left on the cold hard floor, and he hated Dalton so much for it.

“Knox, c’mon…”

“Don’t you dare, Dalton. Don’t you dare come and patronize me, not after you threw Todd to the wolves like that!”

“Mike’s a cool dude! I just want Toddy to have some fun-.”

“He’s not you! He’s soft and romantic and that guy will just use him and spit it out whatever’s left after and if he gets himself hurt it’ll be your fault!”

“You call me patronizing? What do you think you are, his mother?”

“I'm his friend!”

“‘Friend’, sure…Some friend you are!”

“That’s rich coming from you after what you did! I, for one, am just looking out for him!”

“So am I!”

“By whoring him out?”

“By letting him make his own choices! If you’re such a great friend, then why don’t you let him live his own life a little then, instead of trying and controlling him, just so you’re not alone in being a pathetic pinning mess forever!”

“Oh… That’s it then? Yeah… Alright. You know what?… Screw you. You know nothing about me and clearly knows nothing about love too. You think he’ll get over Neil by getting his dick wet? He’s not you, your self-centered asshole.”

“Knox-.”

“No, fuck you, Dalton.”

“Knox, c’mon…”

“You don’t get to talk to me again. Ever. I opened up to you and you throw it in my face? I thought we were friends! I thought I was wrong before, but turns out I was right: you really are just an asshole.”

“Knox-.”

“Get out of my face Charlie, or I swear to God, I’ll punch you. I don’t want to ever talk to you again.”

Chris was still a sore subject and he used her-, used his feelings against him.

It had hurt, that betrayal.

He never expected that from Charlie. Not after he witnessed how protective he was of Neil. How caring he was when he thought no one was looking.

But no. He clearly meant nothing to Dalton after all, if he’d just use his weakest spot against him like that.

Chris left him for Chet Danburry again because he was stupid and acted like a creep, stalking her, sending flowers and little notes and chocolates and writing poorly made poetry to her, begging for a chance to sweep her off her feet because he was obsessed with her.

She was beautiful and sweet, and he thought he’d rather die than live without her just like a delusional bastard, and she did what she should and took off. But only after they got the chance of making something real out of it, when things were good and more than love, they were learning to trust each other.

…Only to come right back to that worthless piece of shit of a guy who only treated her right when he wasn’t treating her like property, worse yet, and that sure hurt more than the dumping per se.

And he opened up to Charlie about that like he never did with anyone, just to get it thrown on his face in the first fight they had.

He didn’t want to look at his face ever again.

He got a vicious pleasure out of ripping the little apology note left in his locker, leaving it back in the boy’s locker as an answer.

He never, in his defense, claimed to be a good person.

And after Todd came back of that abominable date with a hickey on his neck and all that shamefaced secrecy about what had happened, he stopped aggressively avoiding Charlie to just plainly ignoring his existence altogether.

But the notes resumed then.

They varied from ‘I’m sorry I was an ass, I didn’t mean what I said’, to ‘Can you please just talk to me?’, to ‘You’re killing me here Knox’, to ‘Yell if you want, I don’t know, just talk to me, please.’ And for some reason, he kept those notes.

And the more desperate they became, the softer he felt himself get over it.

So, when Charlie called that fatidic Sunday morning, desperately telling him Neil had disappeared, it was with a softness in his heart he hadn’t felt for that boy in a long time that he tried to calm him down, suggesting he tried to talk to Todd about it, since the two had become so close over that year, he might have some idea where Neil could be.

And when Neil was found, and Charlie called again, so clearly hurt and angry and still terrified, he knew he had already forgiven him.

“Give him a chance, Neil probably would’ve gone to you if he felt he could. Something probably made him consider a less obvious alternative a better one, since the Perry’s did contact you first thing.”

“Fuck… I know you’re right, Knoxious, I know. It’s just-… I’m his best friend since we were in diapers! And he up and leaves without even telling me? What the fuck?…”

“If you’re right and he and his parents got into a fight, then he wasn’t thinking straight.” – he ignored the derisive little snort at his choice of words and continued. – “Don’t take it personally.”

“I just wished those two would just fuck already and stop orbiting around each other and neglecting their friends.”

“Wait-. You-you mean-? Neil’s into Todd?”

“I think so, yeah. But he’s so adamant about not being gay, cause he’d know if he was into dudes and all that jazz, I have no idea if he even knows. That’s why I tried to steer Toddy-boy away from his infatuation, even though you don’t approve my methods.”

“I still wanna kill you because of this. Did you see that abomination on Todd’s neck?”

“It’s called a hickey, Knoxious. Which means he did have some fun after all.”

“What it means is that that fuckboy tried to feast on his neck like a fucking vampire, that’s what it means. And now Todd’s completely embarrassed about the whole thing!”

“…What do you have against Mike? You keep talking about him like he’s something revolting. Are you seriously slut-shaming him?”

“I-what…?”

“You keep acting morally superior and judging him for sleeping around, acting like he’ll infect Todd with something. What the hell?”

“I’m not-.” – but he stopped there, inhaling sharply.

Cause he was.

He was.

“Look, Toddy’s not a child. Damn-, he’s not even a virgin if he was up to hooking up with Mike. And Mike’s solid. He’s not for romance, but he doesn’t play games. He’s brutally honest about what he wants, so those horror stories about him seducing unsuspecting victims to use them and throw it away ‘s all bullshit from people who don’t accept boundaries not drown by them.” – Charlie’s voice was dead serious right then. – “He’s not the big bad wolf.”

“Neil-.”

“…‘s jealous as fuck. He never minded Mike while he and I were hooking up. You all like to talk about the janitor’s closet incident, but we got something going for a while yet. I put an end to it cause I was getting a bit attached and he was clear about the no feelings thingy. So, there. Boundaries. He’s solid.”

Knox felt his stomach turn at the thought of Cartwright and Dalton, but swallowed it down quietly, cause he was in the wrong there.

He was totally slut shaming the hell outta that guy because he couldn’t fathom being involved with someone without coming to care for them, even a bit.

“It just feels so… cold.”

“That’s because you are a romantic, Knoxious. You want the roses and the candlelight dinners and the handholding and stargazing and all the cliché, mushy date-y stuff.” – he teased, clearly trying to sound condescending, but it was noticeable the underlining fondness behind those words and at that, Knox felt his own fondness for that asshole like a beacon inside his chest.

“Well, that’s what bugs me: So does Todd. He’s maybe worse than me even, cause I show it, but he breathes it. You can see how he looks so much more alive around Neil. It’s like he can’t help but orbit him. It’s not desperate and obsessive,” – like his thing for Chris had been, before he really got to know her and got something solid to fall for other than his idealized version of her. – “it’s just… I don’t know. It looks like an inevitability.”

“…I don’t want him to get hurt if Neil never comes to realize it. It’s like he’ll content himself with being around Neil without even getting shit in return. And don’t get me wrong, Neil absolutely loves the shit outta him just like we do, but-.”

“Neil’s dense and Todd’s not a go-getter.”

“Pretty much, yeah. And that asshole ‘ve been holding things back from me too. Like all this bullshit with his parents. He never breathed a word about having trouble at home at all and then outta nowhere he just runs away without any explanation? What the fuck?”

“Aaand now we’re back to square one.”

“Shut up, I have a right to be angry.”

#dead poets society #charlie dalton #knox overstreet #knarlie #dps #anderperry #and still dares me on #fic: and still dares me on

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fandomfiish · 1 year

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@inahallucination and @giolovesyousm hey I'm here to deliver and not leave you in despair. Now time for the confrontation JASKAJDKA (Side Note: This was longer than I intended and I'm sorry.) "You have to understand why I had to do this Charlie- " Cameron tried to talk to the other who just walked passed him, and as much as it hurts. A nagging part of him deserved it.

It was the night after everything that transpired in that room and Cameron for the first time after he met the poets (no his friends, no will they even call him that anymore?) He felt alone.

And he was stuck in the room with the moon who is the most furious about his decision. Charlie Dalton was packing his clothes for he shall be out of Welton at sunrise, another decision that Cameron made out of pure emotions.

He hated it, he hated thinking with his heart. All his life everything was thought out, all the probabilities he knew he'll do. It was so simple really, so easy that he was at the top of the class and was known to be a prodigy with a bright future that Welton would be so proud to have as its student.

That was when he met Neil Perry, a man who did as well as him, but yet to live his life free, it was a chance meeting with them becoming partners in a project.

He felt jealous at first, at how this man can do better than him without giving as much effort as him, he found it unfair that this man was given everything on a silver platter and he had to spend countless nights with no sleep just to make sure everything is perfect.

His thoughts changed once he spent time with Neil, finally understanding that he put the other in a such high pedestal without knowing him fully, a part of him feels embarrassed at what his past thoughts were but logically he thought it was fine, after all Neil was his academic rival.

When returned to his home he found himself planning like he usually did, that for his years in Welton, he'll plan for everything that will and can happen.

This proves difficult as he hangs out with Neil more, random hangouts, and group studies, not to mention the new people he met along the way.

There's Knox Overstreet a man whose intellect is hidden due to his shy nature, though he's not as close to him as the others given that reason, or that Cameron never really tried getting close to him.

Steven Meeks was a welcome change along with Gerard Pitts, the two are inseparable due to their shared love for anything robotics, two were geniuses in their own right, though are easier to distract than Neil or himself. He tried establishing a bond with them with robotics but he soon learned that robotics were a thing for only those two.

The recently joined Todd Anderson, shy and very meek that reminds him of a kid during their first day of school, he had proficiency in words, able to wove stories yet can't due to his own insecurities. Which Cameron can understand since all of them have their own insecurities, though he is glad that he's slowly coming out of his shell thanks to Neil.

And last and definitely least Charlie Dalton, the very first person Neil introduced to him, he's truly the person Cameron can't understand. Heart on his sleeves and decisions based only on feelings, he's the polar opposite of himself. He's gotten himself in so much trouble and usually the first instigator of hangouts. It is safe to say that Cameron didn't like Charlie, not one bit.

It was due to the fact that he couldn't plan whenever they are involved, joining the dead poets society, doing everything that they did after those, he knows what they were doing is wrong at that it's going against his own principles but he can't stop, because as much as he hates to admit it, he was having fun with them all. Actually, this has been the most fun he's ever had.

And then Neil died.

And then everything fell apart.

And then the funeral happened and Charlie and the others made a scene and left him and he felt so alone that he felt angry, and did the unthinkable.

Logically he said to himself that he was doing the right thing, that he was doing his for Neil, and for his friends so that they won't suffer the same fate as Neil.

He ignored the part of him that blames himself for Neil's death, that he didn't try enough. That he didn't try hard enough to stop Neil from going to the play because he was proud of himself, he blames his emotions for taking over his logic and look where did that leave them.

When he left out the room after giving Mr. Nolan everything that happened and basically threw Mr. Keating out of the bus to save himself and the others he felt that he did Neil justice.

He ignored the tears and sobs once he enters back to his room.

He thought what he did was good, that the other poets would understand, yet when he was confronted by the poets and Charlie's fist connected to his face, he felt betrayed and angry. Seeing all of the people he called friends to look at him with disappointment not understanding that he did this for them. He felt alone.

And with the flurry of emotions, he decided to stay true to his words and reported Charlie to Mr. Nolan.

"This is a serious offense Mr. Richard are you sure about this?" Mr. Nolan looked at Cameron who still fill with anger, he nods.

"Given his past misdeeds, I have no choice but to expel Mr. Dalton from Welton effective tomorrow." The words felt like a bucket of ice-cold water falling on him, the once hot anger now changed to cold dread as it only dawns on him what he's done.

"Please do call Mr. Dalton on my behalf Mr. Richard, I think we both have a long talk ahead." Mr. Nolan said before making Cameron leave the room, as he walked back to his and Charlie's room filled with shame.

He enters and saw Charlie, looking at him. There was still rage on his eyes and yet he walked over to where Cameron was standing.

"I ..." Charlie sighs, "Why did you do it?"

Cameron found himself surprised, all the anger was gone in an instant, and all that was left was betrayal. It was only at that moment that Cameron understood that even after the times they bickered Charlie still thought of him as a friend, and he was asking for his reasoning.

It felt like a stab in the gut with what he's about to say.

"I ... Mr. Nolan want to see you Charlie." He couldn't look at Charlie's eyes, not in the way Charlie's eyes looked confused.

"Mr. Nolan? Why?"

And then Charlie's eyes widened as he finally understands what was happening, his face become emotionless as he lets out a laugh.

"I can't believe you did it." Charlie said it more to himself than to Cameron yet it hurts much more.

"Charlie I-" Cameron tried to explain himself, but was stopped by Charlie. "The others wanted to know your reasoning you know?" He starts as Cameron found himself frozen. "So they'll know if they can still forgive you."

"And here I was, thinking about giving you a chance." Charlie then leaves the room, to hear about his expulsion.

Cameron felt everything and nothing, he felt nothing logical could explain this feeling, how his heart hurts about what he's done, and nothing logical could ever explain it.

And so he weeps on his bed hoping that he could explain himself once Charlie returns.

------------

This was proven difficult when the other doesn't even wanna look at him, much less speak to him.

"Charlie ... please let me explain myself." Cameron tried to plead as he the other was almost done packing, it was easier to pack since he didn't really bring a lot.

"I ... I'm sorry okay? I was so angry at you that I did it without thinking. I thought you of all people would understand why I've done that-"

"Understand what?" Charlie all but glares at him, anger evident in his eyes yet he also looks tired. "That you thought that the Dead poets society was a bad influence on Neil, that Mr. Keating the only adult who actually supports everything we do that isn't what our parents wanted, the guy who gave Neil more reason to live was the one who made Neil kill himself?" Charlie was seething and Cameron found himself unable to sleep.

"I can't fucking believe you, doing that after you didn't join us at the funeral? I understand why you didn't wanna join us but this? Do you have any idea of these repercussions or were you too high on your pedestal to think about anything else?" Charlie stepped closer invading his own personal space. "And now this? I just can't believe you Cam."

"You punched me!" He tried to say then Charlie all but laughs. "You do understand I punch you because you threw everyone off the bus, you made it look like we were trying to actively hide this from Nolan and you were trying to stop us, not only us, you've thrown the only dependable adult here and accused him of being the reason of his student's suicide!"

"Have you ever thought of how we will react to this? How the well-being of others is when you drop these on them?" Charlie asked and Cameron's reaction was all the answer he needs.

"Of course, you wouldn't since after Neil died you never went with us anymore, did you know how hard it was to just ask for Pitts to eat? Or for Knox or Meeks to actually be motivated to do anything?" Cameron felt guilty since he knew it was true, and yet Charlie continues.

"And let's don't even get me started with Todd? It was already hard making him leave his bed, I even had to even ask the chefs of the cafeteria for favors just so we could bring the food to Todd's room." Charlie explains. "Did you know he jumped on the iced pools once? Thank god I was there to stop here or else ..." Charlie didn't want to continue his thoughts, yet both knew where he was going.

"That's what I'm afraid Cam, I'm afraid of the others when I'm gone, I'm scared of Todd since the only ones who he actually listens to are me and Knox, and even Knox has his bad days," Charlie explains, a single tear falling off his eyes. "I promised Neil to protect them and especially Todd, and how can I do that now?" All his anger subsides and for the first time that night their eyes met, and Cameron saw Charlie's eyes that were filled with fear. But before he could say anything Charlie moves away from Cameron to his own bed.

Cameron went to his own bed after that with him unable not knowing what to say, especially with what Charlie just said except...

"I'm sorry." He looked at Charlie who was facing the wall, unable to know if the other heard him. And after a few minutes, he heard Charlie.

"Make sure they'll be okay, alright?" That was what Cameron heard before sleep takes over.

The morning after when Cameron woke up, the other side of the room was spotless, Charlie was already gone. And he felt tears falling on his cheeks.

He just hopes that one day the others can forgive him.

#dead poets society #charlie dalton #richard cameron #neil perry #todd anderson #knox overstreet #steven meeks #gerard pitts #mr. keating #mr. nolan

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