#I do love crazy women who could 100% kick my ass! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

teenage-mutant-ninja-freak · 4 years

Text

Heart Shaped Bed

Mob Boss! Mikey x fem reader

Summery: It’s Halloween and you’re just looking for some fun of the dangerous variety. Enter: Michelangelo. A psychotic mob boss from hell who is in love with your best friend. Can you win him over and at what cost?

Warnings: NSFW, violence, alcohol mentions, car accident

((A/N: I have trouble writing crazy character despite being labelled as crazy myself, Mikey is tricky to write for in this AU so just bear with me))

October 31st, the night where all the ghouls and ghosts come out to play and superstition is at it’s highest since it’s rumoured that the veil between our world and the next is at it’s thinnest. You pull your skirt down your leg a little and take another sip of your free beer, one of the only perks of having a best friend who works at a bar. Paddy’s is always packed at this time of year, everyone is in costumes and drunk out of their minds; you are no different. You’re dressed as a sexy school girl because originality was never your forte and you wanted to show off your boobs a little, so what? You have the outfit down, complete even with bows on the thigh high socks and you look damn good.

It’s too loud to have a decent conversation with “Monster mash” blaring over the small speakers on the bar so you sit and give Sophie (Peach, as you know her) a forlorn look as if to say “more beer, please” and she complies. Peach looks radiant as she pulls the tap to refill your glass. Her light peach hair trailing down over her shoulders and her uniform or black slacks and a white t shirt with dark green hem hugging all of her curves. She was difficult to compete with but she was still so modest and complimentary of you it was hard to hold it against her. You knew half the regulars only came her to watch her, it didn’t stop you going after them though.

Looking around the room you watch and drunk idiots spill their drinks and desperately try to find someone to take home despite looking a mess, covered in fake blood or with vampire fangs. It was really something to watch. A guy in a ladybug costume fawns over a women dressed as Moticia Adams only to get the cold shoulder. You chuckle to yourself. Sat in the far corner of the room, at their usual table, sat the Turtle boys, a notorious gang in upside New York. They weren’t in costume, too good for it you assumed, and they didn’t look happy. You were aware, through Peach, that they made unsavoury deals in the back office of the bar and maybe tonight something went awry.

“Hey, babes!” you call over to Peach who is passing the incredible hulk a bud light “What happened over there?” you say gesturing subtly to the four well suited turtles.

“Not sure, I heard some yelling from the back room and then they came out. Something to do with that serial killer I think” She replies.

So a serial killing is hurting business. Huh. That explains their looking like someone died, someone has... You couldn’t keep your eyes from flitting towards them, sitting there so stoic and commanding while nursing a few now almost gone whiskys.

“Hey” you call over again. Peach turns and gives you a smile to let you know she’s listening “Isn’t that one the guy who-”

“- who choked out Steve for grabbing my ass? Yeah, that’s the one” she finishes your sentence for you.

You smile to yourself, Steve definitely deserved it. Pervert. You knew the turtle’s name but, like all residents of the bar, were reluctant to use it lest they hear you. But, tonight was a night to be brave and take chances, and you’d always wanted to bed one of them. Think of the status that gives you, sleeping with one of the most violent, deplorable men in the state. You know Mikey has a thing for Peach, on other nights his eyes don’t leave her, not that she notices; a good girl like her doesn’t have time for those “downworlders” as she calls them.

“Barkeep! I’ll take 4 martinis if you don’t mind. It’s time to take my shot” you announce to Peach who gives you a weary smile as she makes your drinks and places them on a tray in front of you.

You adjust your green and navy blue pleated skirt, hiking it further up so that the bottom of your ass cheeks would be on view and head over to the turtles, tray in hand.

You set down the drinks in front of them and say, with a smile:

“We have a special offer on tonight, boys. Buy four drinks and get me for free”

They stare at you completely unamused, but their looks weren’t going to discourage you now.

“Oh come on” you begin “That line would have killed two tables over”

Michelangelo takes a finger and runs it around the rim of his glass a few times before tipping it over, the contents of the glass spilling all over the table and onto your skirt. You jump back.

“Hey, what the fuck!” you cry out

“Act like a slut, get treated like a slut” he states.

With your tail between your legs, you huff and walk away. They didn’t have to be such assholes about it, and it kind of stung that you basically offered up your pussy on a plate and they sneered at you.

Back at the bar Peach raises her eyebrows as you take a few napkins and try and dry off your skirt.

“So, how’d it go?” she inquires

“About as well as you can expect from four mutant, snobby, rich dickheads”you reply. Peach leans over the bar and gives you a small hug and kiss on the cheek as her condolences.

Suddenly you feel eyes on you and turn around to see Michelangelo staring at you, mouth slightly agape and a strange look in his eyes. You would have called it regret, if you thought he was capable of feeling that. You ignore it and turn back to your drink.

You sense a presence behind you and turn once more to find him standing next to you looking awfully sheepish.

“Look” he begins “I’m...I’m sorry about that. I didn’t know you were a friend of- is there some way I can make it up to you? Is what I’m trying to say”

“Do you have a fresh size 3 shirt in that booth with you?” your snarky side is coming out

He laughs it off

“No, but can I buy you a drink or” He looks you up and down “Interest you in any extra curricular activities?” His smile is so bright and charming, you feel yourself almost forgiving him for what had just occurred. And he was devilishly good looking, which helped a lot.

You trace your fingers lightly up his arm until they reach his shoulder.

“You wanna get out of here?”

He smirks, looks down and then back up at you

“Sure”

_____

Outside of the bar is freezing, especially in the tiny outfit you’re wearing and you shiver in the cold October air. Mikey shrugs off his blazer and puts it over your shoulders but you get the impression he’s doing this out of obligation rather than affection. It’s something about his movements, they feel more...Awkward and unsteady than fluid and confident. You know this isn’t his first time taking a girl home from Paddy’s, so you don’t fully understand what his deal it.

You arrive at his car, and despite knowing nothing about vehicles you can recognise that he drives a black Bentley and it must have cost him a fortune, not that he didn’t have the money. He could buy it 100 times over and still have more cash than half the people in New York.

He opens the passenger side door for you and you get in.

“So, my place or yours?” you ask

“Motel” he says plainly.

Curiouser and curiouser... You try and make a list of everything you know about him. He won’t take you home, he’s hot then cold and he has a thing for Peach. It clicks in your head. He’s using you to get closer to her. You almost smile, this was such a typical thing to happen to you, of course he only wants you for your relationship to her. It doesn’t matter either way, you’ll warm him up for her.

He drives fast and it’s not long before your on a highway and definitely breaking the speed limit.

You had been making casual conversation, the drive was always the worst part of a hook up, now you have to actually talk to them instead of make out.

“I feel like we should have taken an uber” you say

He doesn’t turn to look at you or speak

“Because that way I could be touching you right now” You place a hand on his thigh and he still gives you no response. “Anndd you’re not listening. Great.”

He takes his eyes off the road and turns to you

“You’re the oldest in your family, you work as a manager in a clothing store but can’t fucking stand it there and you feel like we should have gotten an uber so you could be touching me right now. Did I get that right?”

You stare back at him slightly aghast and he continues to watch you. Suddenly you realise he hasn’t looked at the road this entire time and the car in front of you is slowing down

“Watch out!” you scream and the car swerves before he gains control again and brakes, the car rocking side to side a little from the sudden movements. You’re breathless and you turn to look at Mikey who simply bursts out laughing while he continues to drive, his eyes wide as full moons. He’s sick you think to yourself. Lucky you like that in a man, and there’s nothing like a near death experience to get the blood pumping.

You continue the car ride for a while in silence apart from the odd laugh from him who still seems amused that you nearly crashed.

He pulls off the side of the road into some shitty looking motel. A huge florescent sign that reads “Blue Moon Motel” sparks a little which doesn’t offer you any comfort. This place was a dump, but if it had a bed it would do.

________

Inside the room you shake off the blazer he gave you onto the chair in the corner of the room, by the end of the bed. The interior was cute, all shades of blue and white and the bed sheets has little lace style trimmings.which was delicate and sweet.

You fling yourself onto the bed, kicking off your shoes and pull out your phone, you decide you need music for this momentous occasion. You settle on “Heart Shaped Bed” by Nicole Dollanganger and press play. It’s creepy enough to be fitting for Halloween but slow enough to be romantic. The opening notes of the piano begin to stream from your phone which you place on the nightstand.

*lay me down, on a heart shaped bed Pretend it’s out wedding, pretend we just met*

“So” you spread your legs a little and look at Mikey “How do you want me?”

He gives you a wicked smile and then he’s upon you, biting and sucking at the delicate flesh of your neck with vigour. Clearly he couldn’t wait any longer you thought to yourself.

*Pretend we're in one of those movies They rent in the back of every seedy place We pass on the interstate*

You angle your head to kiss his mouth but he pulls away, making it clear that this is not a romantic occasion, this is just fucking and he doesn’t want you in that way. It doesn’t bother you, it just heightens the whole “big bad mob boss” fantasy although you’d be lying if you said you weren’t at least a little disappointed by it.

he tears your blouse open revealing your chest and begins his work sucking and biting at your nipples and the tender skin of your breasts, you look down and can already see pinky purple bruises forming, a treasure map of where his mouth had been.

You moan a little at his touch but he continues his work down your stomach and towards your most sensitive area. Lifting up your skirt he places a kiss on you clothes mound before peeling off your underwear. You raise your hips slightly to help his get them off with ease and then he returns back down, licking between your folds until his tongue passes over your clit and causes you to moan hard.

*Just hold me through these lonely nights We'll have a blue wedding tonight*

“You want this?” he says from between your thighs, you can feel his hot breath against your skin, a sensation that is more than pleasant.

“Yes, god yes” you squirm

“No.You wanna act like a slut, you get fucked like a slut” he returns.

Before you have time to respond her grabs you by the ankle and flips you over onto your stomach before pulling your hips up so that you’re on your knees with your shoulders and face still down on the bed. You hear him undo his flies and think for a moment as he lines up with your entrance

“wait, don’t we need protectio-” before you can finish he’s inside you and thrusting hard and deep, he gives you no time to adjust to his size and he is very sizeable... You cry out in the mixture of pain and pleasure that he’s giving you. As well as the music, the room fills with the obscene sounds of his flesh pounding against yours and the wet noises your pussy makes as he pushes in and out of you.

“you think sluts use protection?” he mocks

He feels to good for you to want him to pull out now, so you go with it, but raise yourself onto your elbows. His hands are on your hips but he trails one down your back to grab at your ponytail and pull your head back.

*So get the room with the heart shaped bed Make something gross feel romantic*

Your walls tighten around him and that elicits a grunt from him as he begins to pound harder into you, smacking your ass hard as he does. He pulls out and flips you over back onto your back and holds your legs up to your chin, his strong arm keeps them in place as he realigns himself with your entrance and pushes back in. This new position allows him to get deeper which you think is what he was hoping for.

*Make me so no one will ever want me again*

Now he has a full view of your face, eyes squeezed closed and face contorted in pleasure

“Open your eyes” he demands “Look at me when I’m fucking you”

He’s still fully clothed which you’re a little unhappy about, so you open your eyes and begin to undo his shirt. Your fingers tremble slightly partially from the force at which he’s fucking you, partially do to the alcohol you had that night.

*'Cause when I sleep with faith, I only Find a corpse in my arms on awakening*

You slide his shirt over his shoulders and throw it across the room, raising your head a little you bite into his now exposed shoulder to stifle your moans. You don’t understand how he can bring you so close to the brink this soon, but his pace is unyielding and unwavering. He fucks you like he’s punishing you.

He grabs you by the chin and squeezes

“Open your mouth!”

you do as you’re told and he purses his lips, pauses and then spits down your throat, pushing at your chin to close your mouth and encouraging you to swallow. He’s disgusting but being treated this way only turns you on more, much to your shame, you can feel your cheeks flush with blood as he smiles down at you one he hears that familiar *gulp* sound.

*Just hold me through these lonely nights We'll have a blue wedding tonight*

He pulls out once more and gets of the bed which confuses you for a second, until he pulls you up by the hair and leads you to the wall. He spins you around and so you’re facing it and pushes your shoulders forwards and pulls your hips back so he has easier access to your pussy. He plunges his cock back inside of you and you rest your face against the wall as you take him in all the way. You think you might start seeing stars if he continues like this. Never mind him being a probable killer, they should lock him up for murdering your pussy.

One of his hands rakes through your hair and pulls back your head while the other reaches around to your face and pinches your nose shut while covering your mouth. You can’t breath at all and begin to panic slightly but also whine into his hand because of how good he feels inside you.

you feel that tightness in the pit of your stomach and know that you’re close, you try and moan into his hand, shaking your head a little from side to side to try and get him off your face but it’t to no avail. So you use your hands but he simply lets go of your hair and pins your arms behind your back. You still can’t breath and now you’re so close to cumming and black dots and filtering in and out of your vision, you think you might be close to passing out.

Finally that knot in your stomach releases and your orgasm washing over you, you practically scream into his hand before he lets go and you fall to the floor, gasping for air.

*Just hold me through these lonely nights We'll have a blue wedding tonight*

He hasn’t cum yet so he stands over you, stroking his dick, smirking at what he did to you. If it weren’t for the afterglow of your orgasm, you’d be furious and give him a peace of your mind but you were still desperately trying to catch your breath.

Mikey throws his head back before cumming on you, some of the milky fluid getting in your hair and you lift your hand up to shield your face from it. Was this to insult you? Or was it still part of the whole ‘you’re a slut’ role play thing because you couldn’t tell anymore.

He tucks himself back into his finely tailored trousers and walks across the room to put on his shirt and gather his blazer from the chair you threw it on earlier. He pulls a small rectangular card out of his pocket and throws it on the nightstand next to your phone which started playing the next song a while ago.

“You can spend the night here, if you want. Anything you get from the minibar will be charged to my card so don’t worry about it” He looks down at you, still on the floor, bright red in the face and still breathing rather heavily “G’night, sweetheart” he winks at you before heading to the door and closing it behind him.

You pull yourself up to your feet and head over to your phone, opening it and typing out a message to Peach.

[Hey girly, you won’t believe the night I just fucking had] the text reads.

You flop down on the bed and await her response. A shower could wait for 5 minutes while she replies.

Fin

#my fic #heart shaped bed #mob! au #mob au #mob boss mikey #tmnt #teenage mutant ninja turtles #teenage mutant ninja turtles mikey #teenage mutant ninja turtles michelangelo

79 notes · View notes

hpdrizzle · 4 years

Photo

Below is the list of all the fic for 2020 drizzle fest! Thanks for all your support - reveals will be posted on 10th October, Saturday.

FEMSLASH Title: Time After Time Pairing: Ginny/Luna Summary: A few weeks after the Battle of Hogwarts, Luna buys an ice cream truck. Title: sugarcane in the easy morning Pairing: Ginny/Pansy Summary: “I mean, it’s not like there’s anything special about Ross,” Pansy continues. “Why do the most beautiful and powerful women go for the most painfully average men?” Title: Under Adverse Conditions Pairing: Ginny/Pansy Summary: With most of the castle away at Hogsmeade, Ginny and Pansy use the time to fly together. Title: Asbhury Manor Pairing: Millicent/Hermione Summary: Millicent farms the land on her manor. She enjoys the work and the weather, but she is lonely. Enter Hermione Granger.

There are many more awesome fics under the cut!

GEN / MULTIPLE PAIRINGS Title: You Don’t Know [how you betrayed me] Pairing: Voldemort. Tom Riddle Sr. [GEN] Summary: Tom Marvolo Riddle meets his father on a cold and wintry night. He never meant for things to unfold the way that they do but there had been something inside him that wanted to investigate where he came from. Title: Thunder & Lightning Pairing: Hermione Granger/Fabian Prewett/Gideon Prewett Summary: A thunderstorm and a little bit of magic bring Hermione a pair of unexpected guests. Title: Getting some Vitamin D Characters/Pairings: Hermione/Adrian/Marcus Summary: Hermione takes advantage of the warm, Caribbean sun.

SLASH Title: Storms of Stars and Scars Pairing: Remus/Sirius Summary: Seven storms over seven years of Hogwarts tell the story of how Remus and Sirius fell in love. Title: Come In From The Cold Characters/Pairings: Remus/Sirius Summary: The first Hogsmeade weekend of the Marauders’ sixth year. Alternatively: In which Sirius frets and works to keep Remus warm, James argues it’s not that cold, Remus wishes the cold brought something more, and Peter just wishes everyone would get their heads out of their asses. Title: Hourglass Characters/Pairings: Remus/Sirius Summary: Sirius encounters a boy who got mugged. He offers to give him a ride home. Title: time, curious time Pairing: Remus/Sirius Summary: “Do you still remember how it started?” he asks. “How could I forget?” you ask back. Title: Riverbank Pairing: Remus/Sirius Summary: While looking for an escape from his broken family, Sirius finds the riverbank. And a boy with pink hair. Title: A Summertime Thunderstorm Pairing: Remus/Sirius Summary: Summers in Wales were ideal. Sunny, windy, warm without being sweltering… and the perfect time for Remus and Sirius to explore the feelings they’ve been dancing around for the better part of a year. Title: Freedom They Can Reach Pairing: Remus/Sirius Summary: Under rising thunderclouds in late July 1980, Remus and Sirius take a different road towards home or freedom. Title: That Summer was Good to Us Pairing: Remus/Sirius Summary: Summers in Wales were ideal. Sunny, windy, warm without being sweltering… and the perfect time for Remus and Sirius to explore the feelings they’ve been dancing around for the better part of a year. Title: Eye of the Storm Pairing: Draco/Harry Summary: A storm rages blindly around a cabin with no doors. Without magic, Draco and Harry are trapped inside. Title: The cold never bothers me anyway Pairing: Draco/Harry Summary: It takes Harry one pointless mission to the Arctic, three falls into the snow, a few lines from Let It Go, and thousands of floating ice crystals to realize just how beautiful Draco Malfoy is. Title: Brighter Than The Sun Characters/Pairings: Draco/Harry Summary: Draco was promised a relaxing day at the beach. This was certainly not it! Title: Winter has called you [and me] Characters/Pairings: Draco/Harry Summary: Draco decided to visit his aunt in the countryside to be a little bit away from the city. While going back, he didn’t notice a snow storm was coming, trapping him in the snow a few cities away from his aunt’s house. He didn’t expect a handsome man to save him. He also didn’t expect Harry to be his soulmate. Title: A Fault In The Weather Characters/Pairings: Draco/Harry Summary: Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes have brought out a new item: a Portable Swamp. As one of their most trusted amateur prototype testers, Harry is ecstatic to get this latest object. The only problem is that it…doesn’t seem to work. It’s generating storm clouds that sweep through the Hogwarts corridors, and showering the students with rain, hail, and snow. The storms are getting stronger, but Charms Professor Malfoy and DADA Professor Potter are on the case. Title: Key to my heart Pairing: Draco/Harry Summary: Harry Potter gets locked out in the rain. He goes to his neighbour Draco Malfoy for help. Title: (You’ve Gotta) Taste The Rain Pairing: Draco/Harry Summary: Harry can’t take the rat race anymore and quits Auror training just before graduation. He hopes a move to the country will bring him what he’s looking for. He doesn’t factor in a wandering neighbour who turns out to be very familiar. As the rain continues to pour, things get heated. Title: The Locus of the Fracas Pairing: Draco/Harry Summary: Harry is assigned community payback, and it’s all Malfoy’s fault. Title: Only Happy When It Rains Pairing: Draco/Harry Summary: Weather-Be’s, the up-and coming business of Draco Malfoy, guarantees* perfect weather for your event! If you need warm sunshine, Weather-Be’s will provide it. If you want atmospheric fog, we can make that happen. We have a 100%** success rate at giving you the weather you want. | *guarantee invalid if Harry Potter is in attendance | **success rate drops to 97% when Harry Potter’s attendance at events is counted. Title: Golden Daffodils’ Sea Pairing: Draco/Harry Summary: Harry returned to Grimmauld and curled alone in Sirius’ bed, the night weighted on him and he choked with fear. A crack inside him had the shape and sound of their portkey disappearing. He didn’t sleep that night, Fred’s funeral fresh in his mind too. The guilt at his lack of tears or emotions the previous day overwhelmed him and kept his eyes opened so he could feel how undeserving of the Weasley’s love he was. The months after the Battle of Hogwarts are sunny and beautiful, even though it feels like the sky should be falling around Harry. He tries to get through grief while fixing Hogwarts, capture some Death Eaters, return to his last year of school and befriend one Draco Malfoy. However, he’ll have to realize grief is not the only thing he has to fight now that he came back from death. Title: Let him be kind Pairing: Draco/Harry Summary: A ghost is haunting the halls of Malfoy Manor, wailing at all hours of the day. Unfortunately for Draco, the only person to happily offer their ghost-be-gone services was none other than Harry Potter. Title: Forever In My Mind (Be My Golden Sunshine) Pairing: Draco/Harry Summary: Harry Potter flees London and a broken engagement. He finds solace in the vineyards of Châteaux Malfoy and finds a love that he could never have expected. Title: No Rules in a Breakable Heaven Pairing: Draco/Harry Summary: When a magical rainstorm reveals everyone’s deepest desires, Harry learns far more about his friends and colleagues than he ever wanted to know. Worst of all, he suddenly has to face his own deepest desire. Title: What the body wants is coolness Pairing: Draco/Harry Summary: Draco and Harry have been seeing each other for months, and Harry decides the best way to tell their friends is to bring Draco to a group beach outing. Draco’s given up enumerating all the ways this plan could go wrong. Title: Comfort In The Storm Pairing: Harry & Ron Summary: “Storms are even scarier outside of the cupboard. Title: I will answer thy prayers (if thou wouldst drink of my life) Pairing: Voldemort/Harry Summary: Instead of duelling Harry in the graveyard, Voldemort kisses him instead. Title: The summer of 1899 Pairing: Albus/Gellert Summary: The cicadas are humming on that humid summer day when Albus meets Gellert for the first time. What follows is an intense, passionate affair that lasts for one perfect summer. Title: Kick In Characters/Pairings: Severus/Sirius Summary: Severus loves his husband, he really does. Even if his obsessions with nudity and rain drive him crazy sometimes. Title: Unexpected Companion Characters/Pairings: Harry/Theo Summary: While picking up a birthday cake for Hermione in Knockturn Alley, an unexpected rainstorm causes Harry to take shelter where he finds himself bumping into someone he hasn’t seen in quite a while. Title: A Loss of Control Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Hugo Weasley Summary: Bored at yet another Ministry charity event, Hugo goes for a wander and finds himself with someone he never expected to. Title: heartbreak was never so loud Pairing: Marcus/Oliver Summary: Oliver starts out wanting to help Flint fit into the team. Somewhere along the way, he loses his heart to the large, surly Beater. Title: Searching For Comfort Pairing: Snape/Harry Summary: Severus was mostly there for the air-conditioning. He didn’t know it would change his life! Title: What the rainbow never tells me Pairing: James Sirius/Teddy Lupin Summary: When James is challenged with an impossible task—to find the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow—no one expects him to succeed. But what they don’t know is that James has a pretty good in with England’s premier Weather Wizard, Teddy Lupin. Title: His Reward Pairing: Snape/Draco Summary: All Draco wants for Christmas is protection. And snow. Title: Too Good To Be True Pairing: James/Regulus Summary: He couldn’t help but peruse James’ body as he answered his question. It was slowly distracting Regulus, but he couldn’t think about that now. HET Title: Funny Weather You’re Having Pairing: Zach/Luna Summary: Zach notices a strange weather pattern around Luna’s house, and decides to investigate. Title: Windy and Windy Roads Pairing: Ron/Hermione Summary: After a shopping trip in Flourish and Blotts, the wind decides to kidnap Ron’s hat. If only the wind knew what that hat meant to the Granger-Weasleys. If it did, the wind would likely have left it well enough alone. Title: Sitting in the Rain Pairing: Luna/Rolf Summary: Luna is sitting in her garden out in the rain and Harry decides to go out and join her. Title: Storming Love Characters/Pairings: Harry/Daphne Summary: Harry never expected to wake up to a rainstorm in his bedroom without a hole in the roof. Can an owl to Theo break the storm that seems to be following him? Title: Brighter Than The Sun Characters/Pairings: Pansy/Ron Summary: Ron Weasley has found the love of his life. All he needs to do is get the asking right and he’s sure Pansy Parkinson will agree to tie their lives together… if only the weather would cooperate. Title: Weathering The Storm Pairing: Ginny/Blaise Summary: Ginny’s invitation to her first quidditch match as a Harpie has Blaise a bit nervous. The storm brewing in the sky is almost as strong as the storm brewing in his heart. Can they both survive the match and its aftermath? Title: I want to feel the thunder (I want to scream) Pairing: George/Luna Summary: Sometimes things don’t need to be said, but they’re nice to hear anyway (especially when it stops your boyfriend from turning into a frog every time it rains). Title: How It Falls Pairing: Ron/Pansy Summary: Pansy Parkinson wants to live life her own way, but her mother has other ideas—specifically, she wants her to marry a certain type of wizard. Title: Corazón De Mi Alma Pairing: Harry/Hermione Summary: Harry and Hermione travel to Mexico for the repatriation of a cursed Mayan artifact. Title: Pathetic Fallacy Pairing: Hermione/Draco Summary: ‘I have an idea,’ he said quietly, ‘but I don’t think you’re going to like it.’ Title: Suddenly this rain, This defeat Characters/Pairings: Hermione/Draco Summary: A weeks long storm of mysterious origins brings more than just a headache for Hermione Granger. It also brings Draco Malfoy back into her life and her heart in a way she never expected. Title: Anchors In A Storm Pairing: Hermione/Draco Summary: Draco’s current mistake—well, it wasn’t simply one, but three—was a chain of seemingly unconnected events that, when spliced together just so, made one hell of a shit storm. Title: Queen of my heart (long may she rain) Pairing: Hermione/Draco Summary: Draco likes Granger./Granger likes books./This could be useful. Title: Make it Rain Pairing: Hermione/Draco Summary: It is raining the first time Draco Malfoy kisses Hermione Granger. Or more accurately, the first time she kisses him. Title: though she be but little Pairing: Hermione/Draco Summary: He wasn’t Shakespeare, painting pictures with his quill tip; just a boy with a festering mark on his arm and a storm in his head. Title: Shifting Sands Pairing: Hermione/Draco Summary: Hermione notices a discrepancy during an audit. Draco tries to convince her that nothing is amiss. Lightning strikes at least once. Title: Flaming Tears Pairing: Hermione/Draco Summary: He set fire to the rain and watched it pour as it touched her face.

#drizzle 2020 #anonymous masterlist #hp drizzle #hp drizzle fest #fest entry #type: fic #mod post

73 notes · View notes

nokas-meme-den · 3 years

Text

Shit heard in Ghost Stories meme

"When this bitch kicks, I'm moving to Vegas."

"Have you accepted Jesus as your personal savior?"

"I don't care about your cat, he's probably dead."

"Principals always look like lesbians."

"When a stronger spirit appears, the weaker spirit cowers. But all evil spirits cower before Jesus!"

"Oh my, what a gifted seamstress. I hope you're not a homosexual."

"If you want something to happen, you just need to pray! And not be a Muslim. Or Jewish."

"What the fizzityuck was that?"

"Where's the damn cat?"

"These pajamas are gay."

"Hey, I've got an idea. Why don't you come to the scary, isolated pay phone on the bad side of town, alone?"

"Maybe you have a hidden talent you don't know about! Like Paris Hilton being an actress! Oh, scratch that."

"THINK OF A BIG BLACK MAN CHASING YOU!"

"A car accident... must have been hit by an old Chinamen. I don't mean to be racist, but those people CANNOT drive."

"You'd be surprised just how many transgressions a filthy little sinner like you can rack up in just a day."

"Look, a little Jew boy."

"Come rub my nipples."

"Drop the Krispy Kreme, Serpiko! We need your help here!"

"My BS detector is going DING!"

"I can read. Not well, but I can read. And those letters... are BACKWARDS!"

"The weird part is, I'm not even high. Not a bit. Totally sober!"

"The internet was a blessing from the Lord Jesus to spread the word of God throughout the world, but then Muslims and pedophiles stole it and used it to lure out and seduce children like you."

"Hey, want some candy little boy?"

"You can use it if you promise not to be on the phone too long. I know how you Pagans take advantage of others."

"A bunch of somber, quiet people against a red nuclear sky near a river of blood. Wow, that doesn't look threatening at all."

"Why? Because Jewish people rock!"

"That's so sweet... in a 'you scare the crap out of me in an Emily Rose' kind of way!"

"Here, you can take pooky-poo. He used to be my man, but we broke up."

"The V on my sweater stands for 'Very Big Deal', but that's beside the point."

"Come on, jump... I SAID JUMP!"

"Yes, the animal cemetery. Hear the plot point bells going off?"

"I hope Stephen King never sees this."

"She's looking straight at us, I don't think we hid very well."

"Those 3 to 4 cardboard boxes aren't going to hold them for long!"

"Lord reveal your salvation, for I am your favorite among these heathens."

"Yo sensei Dave, what's haps on the snaps with the craps?"

"You two-timing son of a bitch! Who's gonna take care of these little bastards!?"

"Oh splinter ohhhhh!"

"Shut up. You're here, and you're an idiot."

"Years ago, people went in there but they didn't come out. Not unlike your sister."

"2.2 Celsius... Metric system. Who thought this was a good idea again? I'm just gonna put 100. No one's gonna know."

"Oh perfect, it's in Japanese. Ching chong nong ding tow! Wait, that's Chinese."

"God, can you go bomb an abortion clinic or something?"

"Creepy Japanese men can be cabbies too y'know. But women should never be allowed to drive."

"Obeying horror movie rules, I'm going to go out alone. You stay here while I go look for help."

"I'm not giving you a reach around."

"You're such a bitch."

"First we do a geographic montage to show we traveled a long way from your house. There, that should be enough."

"I'm gonna beat you retarded."

"Jesus saved my ass."

"And what a lovely little ass it is, too."

"¡NO CORRAN EN EL HOSPITAL, CABRONES!"

"Now that is some really nice animation."

"Nice rack. Mind if I make 'em a little bigger? Ahahaehehahhha boobies. Loooove boobies. Nice lips too. I USED TO HAVE LIPS!"

"Lunchtime BJ?"

"Let's see... purple, for your hair. Can't tell this was a goddamn anime."

"Okay. Stop trying to look up my skirt. IT'S A CARTOON!"

"Holy time machine, Batman, it's 1973!"

"Holy pre-Parkinson's Michael J Fox Christopher Lloyd Back To The Future plot ripoff device! Where's my DeLorean?"

"I'll grab her ass!"

"Oh damn anime, look what's happened to my eyes."

"Leo! Leo! Leo! Leo! Goddamnit! Goddamnit! Goddamnit! Goddamnit!"

"It's the chick from The Ring! I mean, The Grudge! What movie are we ripping off again?"

"Oh my god, did that spell work? You know, like the one where you write your name in an eraser? I hear the head cheerleader's having an abortion."

"Such a bitch! Stop being such a friggin' skank and give it back!"

"Sometimes yes means no!"

"Moshi moshi! I mean, hello."

"Tomomi? Ain't no Tomomi girl living here, so what?"

"Get your cracker ass into some rehab, I ain't got time for this bullshit."

"MOTHAFUCKA."

"Run! She's a ghost and a bitch!"

"I'm goin' fuckin' crazy."

"HEY! Maybe if they paid their fuckin' phone bill, you could call again!"

"Nobody's talking to you. Just drive the bus, bus driver. Fuckin' nosy."

"Oh, sorry. All you little yellow people look alike to me. And African Americans, but not the Mexicans. Why do you think that is? I mean, don't you find that just the weirdest thing?"

"Romans 1:26, God gave them over to shameful lusts!"

"A view of the blood-stained lake. AHHHHHHH"

"Oh it may be blue now, but soon it will be redder than Republican Texas."

"No, I'm serious, bitch. I swear to god. Blue."

"Maybe this vase isn't nailed down."

"We go with the snow but not the snow that is yellow!"

"Alright everybody, it's 4:30. School is finally over. Time to go home, load up that bong, and watch Pokemon!"

"Leave me alone, I'm doing my standard anime 'elbows up' pose."

"Oh wow. I can't even comprehend how inappropriate this is."

"GOD YOU'RE MAKING ME SICK."

"God you are four of the ugliest fucking kids I've ever had the misfortune of laying my eyes on. I can't wait for this bitch to kill you."

"NANIIIIIII?"

"Oh my, definitely a 10."

"If you do, I'll suck you all for a Scooby Snack."

"Any closer and there'd be insertion."

"I may be a successful doctor, but first and foremost I'm a Jew."

"You know what I hear? I hear the sound of you shuttin' the fuck up."

"Let's see... 7?"

"What the FUCK are you talking about!?"

#roleplay meme #sentence starters #crack meme

18 notes · View notes

charcubed · 3 years

Note

i was wondering if you could share some of your favourite wlw/sapphic ships? i really enjoy your queer content in general and so id love to hear some of your takes on sapphic subtext etc :)) hope you’re doing well!

Hello anon! It’s 2AM and I should be asleep but instead I’m going to answer this ask. Partially because I tend to be perpetually behind on messages / asks (shout out to everyone I have yet to answer, I am so sorry), both because I’m often busy and incapable of brevity. I do not want that to happen to you, so here I go!

Thank you for the kind words 🥺 I appreciate you wanting to know my thoughts and enjoying my content!

Here are some wlw/sapphic ships I love!!

• Carol/Maria from Captain Marvel. As far as I am concerned, they are canonically wives. It’s not subtle! I wrote a meta thread about how the themes of the movie are enhanced if you read it as a story about Carol as a gay woman. Also, every time I remember that “Kiss Me Deadly” is the song they sing together in karaoke, I freak the fuck out. I firmly feel like Stevebucky and Carolmaria are the 2 greatest love stories of the MCU movies and it’s astonishing how similar they are, too. I’ll never forgive the Marvel fandom for sidelining Maria in favorite of shipping Carol/Valkyrie because of insidious colorism. I wrote a mini fic about Maria feeling insecure when Carol meets Valkyrie to work out my frustrations about that too!

• Nomi / Amanita from Sense8. (In all ways but physical, Amanita is MY wife, actually.) I feel like they’re one of the coolest, healthiest, and most badass relationships on screen :’) They make me so fucking happy and I will never get over how ride or die they are for each other.

• Andy / Quynh from The Old Guard. I am crossing ALL of my fingers that they expand on them in the sequel, because I felt there was very strong subtext (that was barely subtext) there, and as far as I know they were together in the comics. Big shout out to Andy wearing Quynh’s necklace, for example. (I’d need to rewatch the movie to get lost back in the sauce and discuss them more because it’s been awhile)

• I have ships from Black Sails that I enjoy discussing in depth, but those are spoilers! (I tend to only talk Black Sails spoilers on @freedom-in-the-dark or my side twitter gaypiracy)

• This is fairly new, but I am eyeballing Katy / Xialing from Shang-Chi. There was subtext there too, I feel. Katy definitely seemed to have a crush on Xialing, and there was tension in the moment when Xialing saved her. I’m hoping they expand on that dynamic in future movies!

• I never finished this show (even though I meant to), but Cosima / Delphine in Orphan Black were near and dear to my heart a long time ago, so I can’t not mention them. It’s been a very long time since I’ve thought about them but they were a big deal.

• In the “fuck the CW” category: YEARS ago, back when I watched Arrow, Nyssa/Sara was extremely important to me. I adored them, and then of course they killed Sara (and later forced Nyssa to fake marry Oliver). I was also into Lexa/Clarke from The 100 during that era—because who wasn’t, though I didn’t love them as a ship as strongly as many people did—and we all know where that went.

That’s it for main ones, I think. Sorry if that disappoints! I’m especially sorry that I don’t have much meta to offer, unfortunately, simply because most of what I’m mentioning is either explicit canon so it didn’t involve subtext hunting or I watched it before I got super involved in media analysis. I’m planning on watching Killing Eve when it’s complete as long as it sticks the landing, and I know that show is going to eat my brain hahaha. Some of my friends are super into it and have sent me a couple clips here and there and I’ve unintentionally written meta off the cuff and they lose their shit. I’m looking forward to devouring it eventually.

As for ones I’m just sort of casually into... I never finished Legend of Korra (not yet anyway), but I loved and appreciated Korrasami because again, who doesn’t. Similarly, I could get behind Kate Bishop / America Chavez in my Young Avengers days, and Peggy / Angie from Agent Carter. From very far away, I salute the Supergirl fandom, because I know Kara/Lena would make me foam at the mouth if I was at all into watching it and I’m rooting for those crazy kids.

My last humble offerings...

Movie recs:

Portrait of a Lady On Fire (which I know most people have seen by now), though warning that it’s very bittersweet or sad. Please, PLEASE watch Colette if you have not; that movie is very important to me, and it is both sapphic and gender. Likewise, please watch Professor Marston and the Wonder Women, which is based on a true story and involves an m/f/f polyamorous relationship.

Niche fic recs because people deserve to read these:

Sharon/Natasha fic that is vastly underrated and I love it, and Eleven/Max fic from Stranger Things that lives rent free in my brain. (I think Will/Mike is endgame in that show and the parallels between Will and Eleven do make me wonder if they’ll make her gay too.) These are literally the only fics for either of these ships I have ever read. And of course, this genderbent f/f 1950s Johnlock case fic which will kick your ass. You’re welcome in advance.

Thank you again for asking! 💜

#should I queue this for tomorrow? yeah. but fuck it #sapphic ships #femslash #asks #anonymous

5 notes · View notes

rhysismydaddy · 4 years

Text

My Little Brawler - Feysand Headcannon 2

I’ll just go ahead and preface this by saying it’s long as SHIT. I went a little crazy. But here’s the second headcannon for Feysand. Thank you for the love on the last one! Next one out tomorrow.

Synopsis: Feyre Archeron is a 31 year old researcher who has devoted her entire life to her work. Her dating history is a mess, from an ex-husband to one night stands. A serious relationship? Hell no.

Rhysand Turner is a Virginia-born quarterback living it up in a football-crazy city. He doesn’t date and sticks to dumb blondes who look good on his arm and think how far he can throw a football is better than sex. Marriage? Not in a million years.

________________________________________________________________

Feyre swung the lab door closed, locked it behind her, and headed toward the hospital exit.

“Calling it a night?” Howie, the night-shift security guard asked from behind his desk.

She glanced at her watch and winced. “More like a morning now, but yeah. I’ll see you tomorrow night.”

He laughed and went back to his crossword puzzle. Nothing interesting happened in the hospital this late at night outside of the ER, so Howie was basically only there for her. Feyre frequently was the last staff member to leave the place, something her coworkers never understood.

She came in early, left late, and worked holidays. To say she was married to her job would be an understatement.

Grabbing her keys and walking out to her car, she had to admit they had a point. She’d given up her entire life for her work, but she had no regrets.

She’d made countless breakthroughs in nuclear medicine and had changed the face of chemotherapy and radiation. It payed off every day when she heard from the oncologists that one of their patients was cancer free.

As she drove to her townhouse--only four minutes from the hospital--she wondered if it was strange she preferred to be alone.

Then she remembered how she’d ended up when she committed herself to a relationship and shook her head. If you can’t trust the man you’re married to, who can you trust? No one.

She didn’t miss being married. At all. She didn’t miss having to come home from a long day at work and muster up the energy to talk about whatever was bothering him.

She did miss sex, though. She never went out, never invited anyone over. It’d been so long since she’d been with a man, she was pretty sure she had cobwebs down there.

Ignoring that thought, Feyre walked through her front door, threw her keys on the kitchen table, and went to bed. She had to be in the hospital in four hours if she wanted to get ahead of her schedule.

_________________________________

Rhysand jogged off the field, grinning at the look on his coach’s face.

“If you’re in love with me, I don’t want to know,” he joked.

Coach Matthews was at least five inches shorter than Rhys, but he reached up and smacked the back of his head anyway. He wasn’t actually mad, though. There were about three people in the world who could get away with talking trash to Adrian Matthews, and Rhys happened to be one of them.

“Shut up, smartass. I’m just excited. If you play like this tomorrow, we’ll wi-”

Rhys cut him off. “Don’t jinx me.”

A raised eyebrow. “After all this time, you’re superstitious?”

“It could be my last game,” he said, ignoring the look on the man’s face. “I don’t need any bad luck.”

He’d never admit it, but losing tomorrow’s game was easily the scariest thing in Rhys’s life.

Talent wise, there was no one better than him. He wasn’t cocky, but he knew it. He had better stats, better knowledge of the game, better everything.

But, according to sports, Rhys was old as dirt.

No matter how good you are, football isn’t a lifetime sport. Even though thirty-eight would be young to almost anyone’s standards, network channels and reporters were all wondering how long he would push on.

The guys he was competing against were all in their twenties, young and fresh and without back pain. And knee pain. And-

“Stop feeling sorry for yourself, idiot. No matter what happens tomorrow, you’ve had the most impressive career as a NFL quarterback in history. So get your head out of your old ass and play the game you know how to play.”

Rhys just laughed. “My old ass? What about you? When did you even sneak out of the retirement home?”

Before Matthews could attempt to kick his ass, a beefy hand smacked into Rhys’s back and Cassian--the other person allowed to talk shit to coach--said, “Oh, I see. You made a few good passes out there and now you’re over here drinking water and gossiping with coach like a couple old ladies. Cute.”

“Both of you, get your asses home and in bed,” the coach ordered, rolling his eyes. “I cannot believe I let myself draft two hard-headed, pain in the ass hillbillies,” he muttered, walking toward the other players.

“He’s just mad because he’s in love with you,” Cassian said, throwing a thick arm around Rhysand’s shoulders, and dragging him to the locker room.

Rhys pushed him off and laughed. “That’s exactly what I said.”

“So about tomorrow-”

“I swear to god if you mention the game one more time, I’ll tell everyone you wear women’s underwear when you play,” Rhys threatened, then ducked to avoid the helmet flying towards his head.

“Shut the fuck up, man! That was one time! And I wouldn’t have done it, but you made me watch Bull Durham and it seemed like a decent idea at the time. And I wasn’t even gonna talk about the game.”

Rhysand raised an eyebrow. If Cassian wasn’t talking about football, he was droning on about women, booze, or hunting. Sometimes a mixture. Before he could continue, Rhys made a bet it was women on his best friend’s mind this time.

“Anyway, me and Az were thinking we could go somewhere new tomorrow night. Regardless of how the score turns out.”

That caught his attention. The three of them had been friends since high school and had all played together till Azriel blew his knee out two years ago. They all lived in the same apartment complex still and got together almost every weekend. In all their time of friendship, they’d maybe gone to five bars. Once Cassian found a place and racked up enough of a tab, he stayed until they wouldn’t let him through the door anymore.

“Where?”

“There’s bar about twenty minutes from here. Az apparently knows the owner or something.” It made sense. After his injury, Azriel had gone into broadcasting and had made a ton of connections in the PR world.

“I don’t want to go anywhere crow-”

Cass cut him off. “He said it’s a small bar. No crowds.”

The one negative aspect of his life was the never-leaving pack of fans and paparazzi following him around. After the game tomorrow, it’d be hectic. He didn’t want to deal with that if they won, let alone if they lost.

Rhys shrugged. “Fine by me. Either way, I’ll be needing a lot of booze.”

“You’re so fucking dramatic man,” Cassian laughed. “It’s just a game.”

Rolling his eyes, “It’s the Super Bowl, idiot. It’s not just a game.”

“Okay,” his best friend and defensive tight end said lightly. “It’s a big game.”

As he thought about how a loss tomorrow could be the end of his career, Rhys could only nod and agree.

________________________________

Feyre walked through the front doors of the cancer wing and halted. John Weatherly, the Chief of Staff of the hospital--and not to mention a huge pain in her ass--stood at the threshold.

“You look annoyed,” she stated, ready for whatever lecture he was about to give her.

After all the time she’d worked for him, she’d never really gotten past her dislike of her boss. Or his misogynistic rants. Or the fact that he smelled like cigarettes. They worked in the cancer wing of the hospital, for crying out loud. And he had the nerve to smoke a cigarette every chance he got.

“I am,” he said, equally as blunt. “Are you aware you’ve worked at least 120 hours a week for the past two months?”

“Considering I log my own hours, yes.”

“That is a huge waste-”

“Are you aware that I’ve published three research articles during the past two months? Generating publicity, not to mention patients, for the hospital?”

“Considering I’m not an idiot, yes,” John snapped sourly. “But this isn’t about me. The board is implementing a new rule this week. No more work weeks over 100 hours.”

She opened her mouth to retort, but he held up a hand in annoyance. “Don’t bother. I already tried to tell them you practically live here. It’s not flexible for anyone.”

Feyre allowed herself to steam for a few moments before muttering, “Fine.” She tried to walk around him to the lab, but he stepped in her path.

“Since you’ve already worked over the limit, you’ll have to go home. Come back Tuesday.”

“Tuesday?!” she practically shouted. “Why not tomorrow? The time cards reset every week.”

“You’ve worked 115 hours this week. They told me to tell you specifically that if you want to continue to receive a paycheck from them, you will come back Tuesday.”

“This is so-”

“Have a nice two days off, Dr. Archeron.”

She couldn’t not work for two days. “What am I supposed to do all day? Just let me go get my paperwork, and I’ll work from home.”

“Feyre, I have specific orders from the hospital’s board to have the security guard escort you out if you try to go in the lab.”

Her mouth dropped open, but before she could tell him how ridiculous this was, he said, “Go home. Sleep. Watch the game.”

“Game? What game?”

It was his John’s turn to look shocked. “The Super Bowl is tonight. Did you really not know?”

“No, of course not. I don’t care about football.”

Her boss was silent, stuttered a few words, then said, “How do you not like football? You live in Boston! Rhysand Turner is practically a celebrity around here.”

She didn’t know why any medical professional would encourage grown men to smash into each other for sport, but kept that to herself. “Who is Rhysand Turner, exactly?”

“For a genius, you’re such an idiot,” he said bitterly. “He’s the quarterback about to win us the Super Bowl tonight. You should watch the game in your time off. Speaking of, leave. Now.”

“But-”

“Nope. Now.”

The urge to call him a jackass was so strong, she left before it slipped out. How ridiculous was this? She worked her ass off every day researching nuclear chemistry and the effects of chemotherapy in the body. It was important. Her work changed lives.

And they were telling her to go home and twiddle her thumbs. Or watch football.

She drove home angrily, wondering what on earth she would do with 48 hours of uninterrupted free time.

After finishing two loads of laundry, scrubbing her entire bathroom and kitchen, and grocery shopping, Feyre was bored. She tried to sit down and watch TV, but there was nothing on that interested her.

She flipped to the news, thinking she’d distract herself with politics. But no, everyone was talking about the game. Apparently, John was right. No one cared about anything except football today.

An idea popped in her head, and she smiled and picked up the phone.

“Finally!” her best friend shouted happily as she answered on the first ring. “I’ve been waiting for you to call; I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.”

“Hi, Mor,” she laughed. “I’m sorry it’s been so long. Work is-”

“-crazy, I know,” she finished her sentence. “What’s up?”

Trying not to sound bitter, Feyre said, “Well, I actually have today and tomorrow off, so I was wondering what you were doing tonight.”

A pause.

“You know I own a bar, right?” Mor asked, as if Feyre were dense.

“Yes, of course.”

Another pause, then, “And you know it’s Super Bowl Sunday, right? It’s a busy night for us. Well, as busy as a tiny ass bar in the suburbs can be.”

Feyre laughed. “Oh, no worries, I’ll see you some other-”

“Wait! Why don’t you come?”

“Oh... uh...” How could she get out of this? Fake illness?

A knowing town crept into Mor’s voice as she said, “Don’t even think about telling me you’re sick, bitch. You already said you don’t have anything to do tonight. Or tomorrow. Which means you can get drunk! Ooh, or laid!”

Feyre sighed. “Mor, I don’t want to watch a football game. And I definitely don’t want to get drunk.”

She could tell her friend was smiling as she said, “Just laid, then.”

Feyre rolled her eyes and stayed silent, trying not to think about how true that statement was.

“Fine. Come at like 11. It’ll be pretty empty by then. But you’re definitely drinking.”

She debated arguing, but Mor would likely show up and drag her out herself if she tried. “Fine. One drink.”

____________________________________________

Rhys couldn’t stop smiling as he drove himself and Cassian through the city in his truck.

“You know you’re a millionaire, right, Rhysie?” his best friend asked with a laugh.

He just rolled his eyes, having heard this argument at least 20 times. “Don’t hate on the truck. I’ve had her since senior year.”

“It’s rusting. You’re a millionaire. Buy a new one.”

“Nope.”

Cassian groaned. “Why not?”

“She’s been with me through every win, every loss, everything. You know I lost my-”

“Stop! You already told me, and I almost throw up every time I get in this ass-mobile.”

Rhys laughed and punched his shoulder, then said thoughtfully, “You know, I think it was right where you’re sitting.”

Cassian swore and scooted as close as he could get to the door.

“Don’t worry, you can get out. We’re here.”

As soon as he put the truck in park, Cassian jumped out of the cab and wiped the seat of his jeans off with his hand, making Rhys laugh.

He climbed out of the truck, his body still lined with adrenaline. He’d played his ass off, crushed the opponent, and carried his team to victory.

He supposed he had Cassian to thank, too, considering he’d also played his ass off and kept Rhys from getting pummeled.

Their success was echoing through the city on excited whispers. Both of them had already turned their phones off they were getting so many calls from team managers.

They walked into the wonderfully slow bar, nodded to the few people still around who luckily didn’t ask for pictures, and went to find Azriel.

He was sitting at the bar, chatting to the bartender. Even though the bartender was hands-down one of the most attractive women he’d ever seen, it was the woman near Azriel that gave Rhys pause.

Cassian saw the look on his face, smirked, and nodded toward the empty chair between Az and the girl.

A good end to a good night.

He winked, then slid in the chair, nodded to Az--who rolled his eyes--, and turned to the woman.

She had clear blue-gray eyes, dark blonde hair, and full lips. She was... exotic. Different.

He smiled confidently and said, “Hey. How you doing?”

It was a simple line, but one that worked countless times when paired with a southern accent.

He couldn’t tell if the look on her face was amusement or shock. “Where the hell are you from?”

That reaction was one he was used to, so he grinned and said, “Virginia.”

“What are you doing in Boston, then?”

He couldn’t stop his eyebrows from pulling together. She was in a sports bar, where his face had just been plastered on every TV for four hours, but she didn’t know who he was? “Work,” he said simply.

Rhys could feel his best friends’ eyes on him, but he ignored them. “So, what’s your-”

The girl turned to the bartender, ignoring him completely, and said, “Mor, I’m going to make a call.” She cut her eyes toward the men around her and murmured, “Watch my drink.”

Every single one of their eyebrows shot up. Did they look that much like criminals? Sure, they wore a lot of black, but every one of them were multi-millionaires. Did he come off like a date-raper or something?

The bartender, Mor apparently, rolled her eyes and said, “Don’t take it personally. Even balls to the wall drunk, she’s cautious.”

Rhys could tell there was more to that story but shrugged and asked for a beer.

Mor slid it across the counter and smiled knowingly. “She’s pretty, right?”

He just turned to Azriel and asked, “How have you been, man? Did you report the game?”

“Yeah, they had me follow your stats the whole time. Boring shit,” he replied, laughing.

“I bet you could hardly talk fast enough.”

“Cocky bastard,” Cassian muttered.

Azriel nodded to the bartender and said, “This is Mor, by the way. I’ve known her since I left the NFL. Mor, this--as I’m sure you know--is Rhysand and Cassian, although I call them Dumbass 1 and 2.”

“You’re a funny, funny man,” Rhys muttered.

Mor’s friend came back and slid into her seat. Mor put another drink on the counter. The woman raised an eyebrow. “I said one drink, Morrigan.”

“Morrigan? Jesus, you’re already drunk aren’t you?”

Before she could respond, Az said, “Mor, perhaps you’d like to introduce the guys to your friend?”

She smiled and said, “Guys, this is Feyre Archeron, my very best friend who loves me so much she’ll stay and have another drink.”

“Since you’re buying,” Feyre said sweetly, picking the drink up. “And because I know you’ll make me feel bad about leaving so soon.”

Cassian asked, his accent even thicker than Rhys’s, “Why the bad mood, gorgeous?”

She turned and leveled a look at him. “I’d rather be doing something else.”

Rhys rolled his eyes as his best friend leaned down towards the woman and smiled slowly. “Well, you should’ve told me sooner. I’d be glad to do something else with you, baby.”

Azriel and Rhys both looked at each other and shook their heads. Cassian flirted with everyone. It drove them insane, but it was at least predictable.

The woman unlucky enough to have his current affections set her drink down with a little too much aggression, making Rhys chuckle. “What’s your name?”

“Cassian,” he replied confidently.

“Cassian, believe me when I tell you I have absolutely no interest in having sex with you. Leave me alone and go shook a chicken or something.”

The look on Cassian’s face was priceless, and Rhys bit his lip to keep his laugh in. Like Rhys, he was used to women being very... open to his suggestions.

Before Cass could even retort, the woman looked to her friend and asked, “Who the hell are these guys? Your friends?”

Mor pointed to Azriel and responded, “He is my friend. Those two rednecks,” she jerked her head toward Rhys and Cassian, “I don’t vouch for.”

Rhys put a hand to his chest in mock hurt. “We’re Azriel’s friends, which makes us pre-vouched.” He turned to Feyre and smiled. “You single?”

________________________________________

“No,” Feyre said at the exact same time Mor yelled, “Yes!”

The man next to her smiled smugly. “Since you’re single, let me buy you another drink.” She opened her mouth, but he said quickly, “Say yes. It’s just one drink, darling.”

His accent was so ridiculous, it sounded like he should be riding on the back of a horse in cowboy boots and a hat.

“I said I’d have one drink,” she stated to Mor. “I’ve had two. I’m going home.”

“Of course you are.” Her best friend sighed dramatically. “You don’t care about me at all, do you? I haven’t seen you in a month, and you come to my bar and stay for all of ten minutes-”

“Mor-”

“Then try to leave, and I probably won’t see you for another-”

Feyre gave in with a huff. “Oh, my god, fine! I’ll stay. You’re so damn dramatic.”

Her best friend jumped up and down like a toddler, clapping her hands stupidly.

“Now I don’t have an excuse, do I?” She tried not to roll her eyes at how big Rhysand’s smile grin grew.

“Don’t get so excited. I’m just using you for liquor.”

“Fine by me,” he replied smoothly. “I’m trying to get you drunk.”

Despite herself, she laughed. She wasn’t used to such honesty. She definitely wasn’t going home with the guy, but she couldn’t deny how insanely attractive he was to her. The kind of attractive that drove women crazy.

He was so tall, he towered over her even sitting down. He had dark hair, tan skin, and the most unique shade of eye color. They seemed almost purple and practically glowed as they raked over her.

She turned to Mor and gestured for another drink. “You associate yourself with the strangest people.”

Mor just shrugged.

“So, what do all do for work?” she asked the men around her, trying to make conversation.

Rhys quickly said, “We’re- uh- in sports.”

Her eyes narrowed suspiciously, but he didn’t give her a chance to ask any more questions. “What about you?”

She saw Mor roll her eyes, but she kept it simple as she said, “I’m a scientist.”

“That explains it,” Cassian said with a laugh.

This man had a special talent for pushing peoples’ buttons, it seemed.

She turned to him and narrowed her eyes. “I’m going to go ahead and guess that you ‘being in sports’ means you’re a football player, since everyone in this city is so obsessed with the sport. And you know what? Between the constant head trauma and the accent...” She looked him up and down with narrowed eyes, then said sweetly, “It explains a lot.”

Rhysand launched into a coughing fit. She saw Azriel glance towards Mor, but her best friend just shrugged and said, “Not a big football fan.”

“We can tell,” Cassian muttered.

“What kind of scientist are you?” Rhys asked, ignoring his friend.

Mor sighed, but Feyre said, “It’s complicated, but I’m basically a nuclear chemistry-”

“It is boring as hell, I assure you all,” Mor cut in.

Feyre rolled her eyes and sipped her drink.

Mor got a strange look on her face, bent down, and grabbed a bottle of tequila. “Who wants a shot?”

All three men at the bar raised their hand. Feyre just rolled her eyes. Looks like it was going to be a long night.

_____________________________________

As Feyre got up to use the bathroom, ignoring all of their taunts about having a small bladder, the bartender looked at Rhys and waggled her eyebrows.

“What?”

“Oh, we’re going to act like you weren’t just eyeing my best-friend’s ass?” She laughed, then said, “Feyre.”

“What about Feyre?” he said, keeping his voice neutral.

He liked her, sure. Over the past couple hours, she’d loosened up around him. She was... funny. And smart. And sarcastic.

And yeah, she was beautiful as all hell. He’d love to take her home, but... he wasn’t a relationship guy. Football took all of his time, and he traveled practically every weekend. The women he slept with were all young and didn’t care about anything other than his latest game.

Feyre was different.

“You like her, don’t you?” The bartender was nosy, that was for sure.

“She’s... serious.”

Mor raised her eyebrows, clearly waiting for him to continue, so he said, “I don’t date. And Feyre is... serious. She probably wants a relationship and marriage and all sorts of shit-”

“You know,” Mor interrupted, “I thought people were crazy for saying a southern accent makes people stupid. But you have got to be one of the biggest idiots I’ve ever met if you think that girl wants a relationship.”

“What?”

“She works over fifteen hours a day. Spends all her time in a hospital with nerds looking in a microscope. She wants nothing to do with a relationship, let alone marriage. Trust me.”

“Oh.”

The woman rolled her eyes and nodded to where Feyre was walking back to them.

Before she made it to the bar, he turned to Cassian and said quietly, “Get a ride back with Az.”

“Gladly. I hate that truck.”

He glanced toward Feyre and muttered, “Now, idiot.”

Cassian, brilliant actor he was, yawned obnoxiously and said, “Well. I’m gonna hit the hay.” He winked at Feyre. “It was nice meeting you, honey. Call me if you ever need some southern hospitality.”

She shook her head but a smile ghosted on her lips.

“I’ll refrain from the innuendo, but it was nice meeting you, too,” Azriel said to Feyre.

Mor followed the two of them toward the exit to say goodbye.

“You’ve had too much to drink to drive home,” Rhys stated as soon as they were alone. Feyre laughed, clearly onto his game.

He rose and extended a hand. “Come on. I’ll drive you back. I only had one drink.”

“Is this your version of southern hospitality?” she asked.

“Maybe.”

She seemed to consider this, then murmured, “It’s very different from Cassian’s.”

Rhys smiled. “I’d be happy to show you that version. Let me drive you home.”

“I live close to here,” she laughed. “I’m walking.”

He tried not to be too disappointed. The odds of her taking him home were slim anyway-

She slid off the stool and put a hand on his arm. “But Boston can be a dangerous city. Come with?”

_____________________________________________________

Rhysand got up from his seat and threw an arm around her shoulders. “Lead the way, darling.”

“You really have to stop calling me that. You sound ridiculous.”

She didn’t really mean it, though. His accent was... different. Sexy. He was sexy. Something he was most definitely aware of, but Feyre currently didn’t care.

Cobwebs.

He was funny and seemed nice enough and...

She ignored Mor’s knowing smile as they left, telling her she’d call her later.

“I have a feeling you’ll be busy,” she said knowingly.

She ignored that, too.

As they started the short walk toward Feyre’s townhouse, his arm still slung across her shoulders, she asked, “So, did you win tonight?”

She could feel his chest rumble as he laughed. “Yeah, we won.”

“And you played the...”

“Steelers.”

“Right. Congratulations, then.”

He seemed to think her lack of football-knowledge was amusing. “Why the hell do you live in Boston?” he asked with a smile.

She froze.

“What do you mean?” she said, trying to be casual.

She led them around a corner that led to her block.

“You hate football. You don’t like crowds. You could probably work anywhere. Why not live somewhere else?”

They walked up to her house, and she answered simply, “I moved here to do my PhD at Harvard, and they offered me a job. Made sense.”

“And do you like it here?” he asked, eyebrows raised.

She smiled, unlocked her door, and replied, “Ask me in an hour.”

He mirrored her grin, then pushed her by the shoulders through the door. “Give me two, and it’ll be your favorite place in the world.”

Feyre laughed, locked the door, then turned to him. Leaning against the door, she looked him up and down and muttered, “Clocks ticking, Rhysand.”

________________________________________________________

As Rhys opened his eyes, he was wonderfully aware of the weight atop him.

The naked weight.

Blowing Feyre’s hair out of his face, he smiled as she murmured something in her sleep. She was probably tired.

They hadn’t gotten much sleep.

Given how cautious she was when they’d first met, he’d half expected her to kick him out pretty early. Needless to say, he’d been pleasantly surprised.

When the feeling of her on top of him grew to be too tempting, he ran his fingers through her hair and murmured her name.

She shook her head, making him grin.

His fingers drifted over her back and he loved the way she felt in his arms. After a minute, she turned her head, chin resting on his chest, and looked up at him.

“Good morning,” she said simply.

He just pulled her up to him, pressing his lips to hers. She smiled against him, legs coming up to straddle his waist.

Rhys took in their position and smiled, leaning up to kiss his way up her neck. His lips brushed her ear as he whispered, “Cowgirl’s your favorite position isn’t it? And you say I’m country.”

He snickered, proud of his joke, then practically choked on the sound as she slid herself onto him. “Shit, Feyre.”

"No more jokes, Rhysand?” she murmured, rocking her hips slowly.

“Just Rhys,” he panted. He leaned forward to take one of her breasts into his mouth, and she gasped, the sound music to his ears.

“Rhys,” she moaned, fingers digging into his back.

“Yes, Feyre?” He gripped her hips to keep her still as he asked, “Do you need something?”

She narrowed her eyes at him, and he tried not to grin.

“I said ‘Good morning.’ Don’t make me liar.”

This woman would be the death of him. He laughed and released her hips, reveling in how she responded to every movement, every touch.

She picked up the pace, and Rhys just sat there with his teeth gritted and tried not to ruin the moment for both of them.

He could tell when she was close, her legs tightening around him, voice shaking as she called out his name. He pulled her hair, kissing up her exposed neck and across her jaw to her ear.

“Come for me, Feyre darling,” he whispered, pulling on the shell with his teeth.

She moaned, falling apart in his arms, and Rhys had to use sheer will to wait until she was done to finish.

This woman... was the definition of seduction. Even after a whole night together, he couldn’t get enough.

As they came down together, he looked at her and smirked. “Good morning.”

She smiled and kissed him, biting his lips gently. Even though he’d just had her, his body was ready for more.

He was about to flip them over when she ruined the moment and said, “You have to leave.”

She climbed off him, and he watched with amusement as she sprung from the bed, ripped the sheet off of him, and started pacing around the room.

She found his pants at him and threw them at him. “I’m serious, Rhys. I have to... do stuff.”

He ignored the clothes on his chest. They were both completely naked, and if he had anything to say about it, they’d stay that way for a while. “Like what? You told Mor you have the day off.”

“I do, but-”

“Then come here.”

She crossed her arms. “Rhysand.”

He sat up and extended a hand. “Just shut up and come here. I promise I’ll make it worth your while.”

_________________________________________________________

Oh, I’m sure you will, Feyre thought as she rolled her eyes and took his hand.

Then gasped as he used the other hand to rip the sheet off her and throw her on her bed.

She barely had time to process before he was on top of her, pressing kisses across her chest, down her stomach. Further.

Sweet Jesus, she thought. The man hadn’t let her sleep more than two hours last night. Not that she was complaining. The cobwebs were completely gone, that was for sure.

A moan escaped her lips as his teeth scraped her thigh, and he chuckled. She was about to flick his shoulder, but then his lips slid higher, and every thought emptied our of her head.

She couldn’t keep herself still as he kissed her, so he held her hips with both hands.

Hers found themselves in his hair and she pulled as he ran his tongue up her center.

“Rhys, baby,” she panted. She didn’t care how she sounded. Didn’t care about anything but the sight of his head buried between her legs.

She didn’t know if it was because she was out of practice or because he was some sort of sex god, but she was already close. Again.

By the time she came, her entire body was limp with pleasure and she was close to seeing stars.

When she opened her eyes, he was above her, smirking like a cat.

He leaned down to kiss her, but she flicked his nose in annoyance.

“If you try and fuck me again before I get some food, I’ll strangle you.”

Ignoring the warning, he buried his head in her neck and tugged on her earlobe with his teeth. “Don’t threaten me with a good time, Feyre darling.”

She laughed against her better judgement, but pushed his shoulders until he let her up. If she didn’t eat something, she might pass out when they went again.

She grabbed his t-shirt from last night and threw it on as she walked to her kitchen. It came down to practically her knees, making her look ridiculous, but she didn’t care. It was soft and big and smelled like him.

“Pancakes?” she asked, turning around to catch him looking at her in amusement. At what she was wearing.

She raised an eyebrow, daring him to say something.

“Pancakes would be great.”

Feyre ignored the look in his eyes and started cooking. And kept ignoring it as he watched.

Every time she looked at him, he looked like he was five seconds away from throwing her over his shoulder and dragging her back to bed.

The idea of messing with him a little more was too tempting to ignore.

“Close your eyes,” she ordered secretively, reaching into her fridge.

He narrowed his eyes suspiciously, but gave in when she raised her eyebrows.

She used a finger to tip his head backward, then whispered, “Open your mouth.”

His lips curved into a smile, then opened. She took the can of Ready Whip and sprayed some whip cream in his mouth, laughing as his purple eyes shot open, full of amusement.

“Cute,” he muttered, swallowing the whip cream.

She leaned in and licked some of the remainder off his bottom lip. He froze, then reached for her. Before he could get those arms around her, she walked to the stove and took the pancakes off.

Sliding an unhealthy amount toward him, she said, “Eat your breakfast, dear.”

Rhys gave her an annoyingly perfect smile and devoured the food. She looked at him as he ate, wondering how he looked like a Greek god when he ate like... that.

He looked up as he finished and laughed at the look on her face. “Baby, don’t invite a football player over if you don’t expect him to eat all your food.”

She took their plates and stuck them in the sink. When she turned around, he immediately strode over and grabbed her face, pulling her lips to his.

He kissed her thoroughly, then pulled back far enough to say, “Meet me in your bedroom.” Another kiss. “And Feyre? Bring that whip cream.”

__________________________________________________________

By the time Rhysand left, Feyre could hardly stand up. She had no idea how she was going to make it through her shift tomorrow, given that she was so exhausted she could sleep probably for a day straight.

That’s when she realized that for the first time in her career, she didn’t want to go to work. She wanted to call Rhysand and tell him to come back.

That’s not an option.

A relationship was out of the question. It’d be cruel to him to invite him back, knowing it would never go anywhere. For all she knew, he was trying to settle down. With a nice girl who’d give up her life to have his babies and be a football wife.

Hell no.

As she got out of the shower, giggling at how shaky her legs were, she told herself to forget him.

But when the phone rang, she was surprisingly disappointed when she looked at the caller id and saw it wasn’t him.

As soon as she picked up, Mor practically yelled, “How was it?!”

“How was what, Mor?”

“The sex last night, idiot. Was it good? I bet it was good. You don’t look like that and not have a seriously huge-”

“Mor! Calm down.”

She could tell her best friend was enjoying this way too much. “I’ll calm down when you tell me. Everything.”

Feyre laughed, then gave in and asked, “What do you want to know?”

“How long did he stay? Oh, you made him walk back to his truck in the middle of the night, didn’t you? Mean woman.”

When she didn’t respond, Mor pushed, “Unless you didn’t. When did he leave, Feyre? Hm?”

“An hour ago,” she admitted.

The howl that Mor let out was practically inhuman. “Oh my god! You nasty bitch! Or, wait. Is he the nasty bitch?”

Feyre laughed. “You have no idea.”

“I cannot believe you let him stay all day. He must be good. He’s good isn’t he?”

She didn’t have to think back to remember the answer to that question. “You have no idea,” she repeated.

Mor laughed. “I’m so happy for you. Are you seeing him again?”

“No, probably not.”

She stopped laughing. “And why the hell not?”

“I don’t date. It wouldn’t be fair to him to keep sleeping with him and lead him on-”

“You’re both idiots.”

That stopped her. “What?”

Mor sighed on the other end of the call. “He doesn’t date. At all. He’s seen with 20 year old blondes who probably don’t know their head from their ass. You don’t have to worry about him trying to tie you down.”

“Oh,” she said stupidly.

Of course he wasn’t the dating type. He was a professional athlete. Women probably threw themselves at him.

“For someone so smart, you really are an idiot.”

“You have a point. Look, I have to go. I’ll call you later.” It was only eight PM, but she could hardly keep her eyes open.

“Worn out, aren’t you?” Mor asked in a knowing voice.

“Good night, Morrigan.”

____________________________________________________________

Rhys wasn’t surprised to see Azriel and Cassian in his apartment when he got back the next day.

“You dirty dog,” Cassian said smugly, throwing a pillow at his head.

Rhys smiled and told him to shut his fat mouth. “What are you idiots doing here? Get evicted?”

“Waiting on your ass,” Azriel said. “We’re going out.”

“Not everyone got laid last night,” Cassian said sourly. “Ruined a good win.”

Az and Rhys both ignored him. “Wanna come?”

“I’m gonna crash, actually. I have an early meeting tomorrow with coach.” It was an excuse; he’d barely made it home without falling asleep at the wheel.

“Mmhm, an early meeting with coach,” Cassian said knowingly. “More like a late night with a pretty blonde.”

Rhysand just winked and said, “We made sure to avoid your seat in the truck.”

“Disgusting,” his best friend said bitterly as the pair walked toward the door. “I hate that truck.”

As soon as the door swung close behind them, Rhys showered and passed out.

_______________________________________________________

Three days later, Rhys was watching highlights from the game when his phone rang. He smiled as he saw the caller ID.

“Unless the hospital is calling to tell me I’m dying,” he said as he picked up, “I’m going to assume this is Miss Feyre Archeron.”

“Wow, an athlete with a brain,” the sarcasm flowed through the line clearly.

“I’m a package deal, baby. So, what’s up?” If this was a booty call, he’d make her say it. He’d definitely give in, but he’d make her ask first.

“I don’t date,” she blurted suddenly.

He paused, then said, “Me either.”

“Okay.”

He didn’t know what to say, so he just mimicked, “Okay.”

“Then come over.”

Rhysand smiled, looking at his watch. “I’ll be there in twenty.”

_____________________________________________________

Two months later, they’d spent practically every night together. Either he’d stay at her house and get kicked out at the ass crack of dawn when she left for work, or she’d stay with him and he’d wake up alone.

On the rare days her boss forbade her from working, they’d spend all day together, running errands, cooking, fooling around. Hell, she’d even come to one of his football practices. “Out of pure boredom,” she’d claimed.

He’d never tell her, but seeing her had become the best part of his day.

Sure, he’d resigned his contract for the next year to keep his dream job, but even that paled in comparison to her coming over. He’d started to depend on her. He’d started to care about her.

Only Cassian--who gave him shit about it daily--knew. And had been told to keep his mouth shut about it.

Because he knew that as soon as he told Feyre, she’d bolt. He just had no idea why.

Sure, he’d said he didn’t date. He was thirty-eight and had a terrible relationship track record, having only had a handful of serious ones. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t try, right?

He’d never felt like this before... never been so desperate to spend time with someone. And it wasn’t just the sex like he’d thought for the first few weeks.

Because even when they weren’t having sex, he wanted to be around her. Wanted to hear her laugh, the one she let out when he surprised her or she made fun of his accent. Wanted to see her smile. Wanted to see her asleep in his bed, wearing his t-shirt.

He wanted her.

Ridiculous.

The first woman to openly not want a relationship with him, he can’t get out of his mind.

Snapping out of his thoughts, he noticed her staring up at him. “What?” he asked, worried everything he’d been thinking was written on his face.

“Nothing,” she said for the fifth time, stifling a giggle.

He rolled his eyes. “Just say it.”

“I cannot believe Dirty Dancing is your favorite movie!” She exploded, gesturing to the screen as if he were blind. “You’re a football player.”

“Which means I can’t have a good taste in movies?”

She shrugged. “It’s just not what I was expecting when you suggested we watch a movie. I figured you just wanted to come out here and have sex again.”

He grinned. “I did that for your sake. I figured if we stayed in bed any longer, you wouldn’t be able to walk tomorrow.”

With her head on a pillow in his lap, she looked completely adorable as she looked up and stuck her tongue out at him. “How considerate.”

“Southern hospitality knows no limits.”

As they watched the movie, Rhys couldn’t help but sneak glances at her. She was... distracting. The ocean eyes, full mouth, and delicate features were pretty much a constant distraction for him.

When the final scene started playing out, Rhys grinned like an idiot and said, “Dance with me, Feyre Archeron.”

“What?”

“Come on. I wanna show you something.” He took her hand, hauled her off the couch, and took her to the biggest open space in his apartment.

He put his hands on her shoulders and told her to stay put, then walked to the other side of the room.

“Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me,” she said immediately, realizing what he had planned. “Absolutely not.”

Rhysand laughed and said, “Run and jump.”

“Hell no! You’ll drop me.” She crossed her arms and stayed put.

He rolled his eyes. “I promise I won’t drop you. You’re about a hundred pounds soaking wet.”

“No.”

“Chicken.”

“Excuse me?” she asked incredulously. “You seriously think that’s going to work on me?”

“Yep.”

“You’re right,” she admitted, barely giving him any time to prepare as she ran toward him, yelped, and jumped.

His hands wrapped around her waist as he lifted her up above his shoulders. She hollered like a wounded cat, but she stayed in the air and lifted her legs as he spun her around slowly.

She giggled as he held her up, and the sound was so adorable that as he let her down, he slowly dipped her. Her hair brushed the floor as he held her, wrapped his arms around her, and pressed a kiss to her lips.

He could tell she was surprised when she froze, but then she melted into him.

Wrapping her arms around his neck, she pulled him close and opened her mouth for him. It was like it was the first time they’d kissed, and he couldn’t get enough. He kissed her like his life depended on it, and she responded to every movement. She sighed into his mouth and he drank the sound in.

When he finally brought her back up and pulled away, she had tears in her eyes.

“What?” he asked, concerned.

Feyre’s brow was creased as she brought a hand to her mouth. “I have to go,” she whispered.

“Feyre.”

She paced around his apartment, picking up her clothes and throwing them on as she went. “I have an early morning tomorrow.”

“You always have an early morning. What’s wrong?”

She pulled her boots on, zipped her jacket, and smiled tightly. “Nothing’s wrong. I’ll... see you later.”

He didn’t have time to say anything before she sped out the door.

Shit.

______________________________________________________

“He kissed me,” she said as soon as Mor answered the phone.

A pause. “He hasn’t kissed you before?”

Feyre sped down the road to her house, explaining, “Of course he’s kissed me. But this was different. He dipped me, Mor. Like actual dipping. And he kissed me. Not to get in my pants, but just because. Like he couldn’t stop himself.”

“Oh. You think he has feelings for you?”

“I don’t know, but I don’t want to find out.” This was the last thing she needed. The past month had been good. So good.

But it had to end. She didn’t want a relationship... even if the idea of never seeing him again hurt so much she couldn’t breathe.

He’d become someone to her in the two months they’d spent together. And even though it’d hurt like hell, she had to cut it off. Before it got worse.

“Feyre-”

“Don’t ‘Feyre’ me. I’m fine.”

Her best friend didn’t let up. “No, you’re not. Ever since Tamlin, ever since that night, you haven’t been fine.”

“Stop talking. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Of course you don’t.”

“Mor-”

“He hurt you, and now you don’t trust men. You got freaked out tonight because this thing with Rhysand could be real, and you’re scared. You’re scared if you let yourself love him, he’ll hurt you.”

Feyre suddenly yelled, “Wouldn’t you be?”

The line went silent, so she continued, “Yeah, I’m fucked up because of my marriage. It’s pretty easy to figure out. But wouldn’t you be? I was with Tamlin for eight years! Did you know that after hearing your worthless and pathetic and that you deserve what happens to you for so long, you start to believe it? So unless you’ve dealt with that for eight years and been trapped in a marriage to someone like that for eight years, don’t you dare bring it up to me. I have to go.”

She didn’t give Mor a chance to respond as she hung up.

She pulled into her driveway, took a deep breath and told herself the tears flowing down her cheeks were from her fight with Mor.

_______________________________________________________

“We’re closed,” Mor yelled as Rhys walked in the bar, then looked up and froze. “Oh.”

“Tell me, Mor. Tell me what happened to her.” He knew there was a reason she’d been freaked out after he kissed her. He just didn’t know what it was.

“To who?”

He came and sat in one of the bar stools, leveling a look at her. “To Feyre. Why did me kissing her send her running for the hills? I know she told you. She hasn’t answered my calls in six days.”

She shrugged, trying to make herself look casual. “Maybe she’s just not into you.”

“She’s into me.”

Mor snapped, “Maybe she’s not.”

His eyes softened, and she knew he saw it for the lie it was. “What happened to her?”

He could tell she was struggling with not telling him. She might not. But he wanted to fight for her. Wanted to make her happy. He just had to know how.

She took a deep breath and said, “Feyre and I used to live in New York, you know. That’s where we’re from. And Feyre was married.”

He nodded for her to continue.

“They got married young, and he... changed. He... just.. he was so angry. All the time.” She took a shaky breath.

“At first, I didn’t notice it. I didn’t see that anything was wrong. But one night, about five years into their marriage, I went to their apartment for dinner, and I saw that she had makeup on her cheek. Not a lot, but... like she was covering something up.” A tear that rolled down her cheek.

“And he saw. That bastard saw me notice it.” She wiped her cheeks, trying to compose herself. “And I didn’t see her for three years. He wouldn’t let her go anywhere besides work. And he hardly let that happen.”

Rhys closed his eyes sadly, but she continued. “I didn’t see my best friend for three years. Until she showed up in the emergency room.”

His eyes snapped open.

“I’m her emergency contact. I don’t know why she never changed it when she got married, but she didn’t. So I got the call, and drove to the hospital, and she was-”

She swallowed a sob. “She was in a coma for two days.”

Mor cleared her throat. “When she woke up, I don’t know how to describe it. She was... different. I helped her divorce him and get a restraining order, but it wasn’t easy. He controlled all her shit. Bank accounts, everything. She was never the same. We left, packed up, and moved to Boston together. She didn’t want him to know where she lived. I think... sometime I think she’s still scared he’ll track her down.”

“It took her three years to even go on a date. Another to have sex. She says she’s fine, but ever since that night, she won’t let herself actually let anyone in her life. She’s always been a workaholic, but after what happened... I don’t know. It’s like moving on, having a life, makes her remember her life before.”

Mor sobbed, “And I don’t know how to help her. Because he’s a cop, you know. That’s why it was so hard for her to leave him. We had to go to the freaking governor to get the restraining order.”

A sob wracked her body, so Rhys leaned across the bar and pulled her into a hug. It made sense. Why him showing any sort of feelings freaked her out. Why she’d been cautious around him, Cassian, and Az when they’d first met. Why she didn’t want a relationship with him.

But it didn’t mean he couldn’t fight for her. That he couldn’t tell her that he’d never hurt her.

“Mor,” he said softly. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”

She pulled back and wiped her eyes. “Well, now you do.”

“I want to be with her.”

She nodded, and smiled sadly. “I know.”

“And she wants to be with me, too.”

Mor nodded again. “Go get your girl, Rhysand. But, just be careful. And I swear to God, if you’re anything like him-”

“I’m not,” he interjected.

“-I’ll shoot you. I’m not making the same mistake twice.”

“I’m never going to hurt her. You can count on that. Do you think she’s still at the hospital? If she’s not going to answer the phone, I’m gonna track her ass down.”

________________________________________________________

Feyre scribbled down her note, then peered back into the microscope. She knew it was late, but it’s not like she had anywhere to be. The thought sent a pang through her chest, but she ignored it.

She was so distracted thinking about how big of a mess she was that she didn’t hear him come in the lab.

“Feyre,” a familiar male voice said from behind her.

She spun around and opened her mouth to scream, but he was faster. She cried out as his fist connected with her ribs, but he stifled the noise when he slapped a hand over her mouth and shoved her against the door.

She tried to swing a fist toward him, but he pinned her arms against the door.

“It’s been a long time,” Tamlin said, smiling. “It took me a long time to track you down. You know how I found you? Paparazzi posted a picture of you leaving some football player’s apartment at three in the morning. Little whore.”

She whimpered as he squeezed her jaw.

“So I came to see you. At first, I wanted to punish you. You were my wife. Mine. And then you go and divorce me. For no reason. I wanted to know why.”

Howie, she thought desperately. If she could signal Howie, he’d come and save her.

She ignored what he was saying, blocked it out, and bit his hand as hard as she could.

Tamlin jumped back with a surprised yelp and she barely had a chance to scream before his fist connected with her eye. She fell to the ground and he kicked her in the side, making her curl into a ball.

“You bitch! Why are you screaming? If you’re trying to get that fat security guard, he can’t hear you.”

No one’s coming. A tear ran down her cheek onto the floor.

“Now, as I was saying,” he continued as if nothing had happened. “At first, I wanted to punish you. I had it all planned out.”

He knelt on the floor, brushing the hair off her cheek.

“But then I realized something. I realized you ruined my life. You told everyone I worked with, hell you told the governor, that I abused you. You got me kicked off the force.”

“Why are you here? What do you want?”

Please leave please leave me alone-

“I want you to suffer for what you did-”

“I do-”

Her cheek stung as a palm connected with it, making her cry out.

“Do not interrupt me again.” His voice was so cold, so calculating. “I want you to suffer. I want you to lose everything, like I did. But the only thing you ever cared about is work. And I couldn’t get you fired. No, you’re too good at your job.”

She shook with fear as he smiled down at her.

“But then I thought, if the job won’t lose you, you can lose the job.”

He ran a thumb over her lip, and she was paralyzed with fear when she realized the bitter taste in her mouth was gas.

“What did you do?” she asked softly.

His fist closed around her throat. She clawed at his hand, kicked at him, tried everything, but she was stuck. It had never mattered how hard she fought.

When her vision started to fade, he let go.

“Don’t question me,” he snapped as Feyre hauled oxygen into her burning lungs.

He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a lighter, grinning down at her.

Feyre’s stomach bottomed out.

She had to think, had to do something. Or else she was going to die in here.

“You were so consumed by your work, you didn’t even smell the gas I lined this fucking room with. Always so distracted by your work.”

He laughed softly, “And now you’ll burn with it.”

He flicked the lighter open, and time seemed to stand still. Feyre didn’t let herself hesitate as she reached onto the counter, grabbed the beaker she knew was sitting there, and broke it over Tamlin’s head.

He swore and closed the lighter, then swung at her. She rolled away from him, placing a kick in between his legs that had him gasping for air.

She got up and sprinted for the door. Her fingers were closing around the handle when he caught up to her, grabbing her head and slamming her face into the metal door frame.

Feyre sank to the floor, and Tamlin knelt in front of her. She tasted blood, felt it running down her face, and knew from experience her nose was broken.

As he punched her in the stomach, she could tell she’d have a ruptured spleen.

He was still dripping wet from the beaker, but he leaned close and laughed.

He opened the lighter close to her face, the heat warming her skin.

“You always were a fighter.”

This is it. If she didn’t fight now, it was over. He’d drop that lighter, and they’d both go up in flames. Together at last.

Gritting her teeth, she told herself she wasn’t going to die here tonight. She was going to live.

She was going to kill her ex-husband.

Bringing her knees close, she rallied her strength and kicked his chest as hard as she could. As he fell backward, she jumped to her feet.

Before he could react, she grabbed the lighter out of his hand, threw it on his chest, and rushed out the door.

What Tamlin hadn’t realized when he’d lined the room with gas was that there were more chemicals in there than anywhere else in the hospital. He didn’t even have to use gasoline. But now that he had, one open flame, and the whole place was going to blow.

She ignored the growing flames on the other side of the glass as she engaged the door’s security lock. Ignored Tamlin’s screams as the petrol from the beaker reacted with the oxygen in the air and the present flame, erupting in flames twenty times hotter than usual.

She ignored everything happening around her except Rhysand.

Rhysand, who was running toward her, a confused and terrified look on his face.

She had no idea what he was doing here, but she sprinted full force at him, also ignoring the fact that he was a professional football player. She wrapped her arms around him and tackled him to the ground as the room behind her erupted.

Glass and debris and pieces of paper still on fire rained down on them as she looked down at him.

She laid on top of him, shielding him as best she could, and grabbed his face. Please be alive, please be alive.

His eyes shot open, arms coming around her to brush debris off her back.

“Feyre, are you all right? What the hell happened?” His voice was fuzzy, like she was underwater.

She probably had a concussion from where Tamlin had slammed her against the door.

Tamlin.

Tamlin was dead. She’d killed Tamlin.

“He’s dead,” she whispered. “He’s dead.”

Rhys was shaking her, telling her to stay awake. Alarms were going off, the sprinkler system sensing the fire and raining a flood down on them.

He was screaming her name.

She just looked at him and smiled softly. “I love you, by the way,” she whispered. Like it was the easiest thing she’d ever said. Like she’d been waiting to say it.

“I love you,” she whispered again.

Then passed out.

_______________________________________________________

There was something warm and heavy on her lap. And it had hair.

She opened her eyes and looked down at Rhys, peacefully sleeping with his head resting on her legs.

Gently, she ran a hand through his hair.

She was in a hospital bed, that much was obvious. There were probably police men outside waiting for a statement from her about why her much-beloved lab had been blown to pieces under her watch.

She knew from experience that as soon as she officially woke up, she’d be surrounded be nurses and police officers and doctors asking how she felt and...

She ran a finger down Rhys’s cheek.

She knew he was awake when his mouth twisted into a smile and he murmured, “Do that again.”

She did.

His eyes opened to meet hers, full of worry and passion and anger.

“Hi,” she whispered.

“Hi.” He picked his head up and put a hand on her cheek. “You’re so beautiful. This gown suits you.”

She knew he said it to distract her, and smile tugged at her lips, even as tears sprung to her eyes.

She was in the hospital. Again. Because of her ex-husband. And Rhys was here. He’d probably never look at her the same after this. Would probably pity her now.

He leaned in, and she thought he was about to kiss her, but his mouth landed on her cheek instead. As he licked her tear off her face.

“That’s disgusting,” she murmured, not pushing him away as he moved to the other cheek.

He pulled back and grinned.

“Mor told me about your ex-husband,” he said softly.

Before she could reply, he surprised her by murmuring, “And I honestly don’t know why you say you don’t have any country in you.”

Had he hit his head when she’d tackled him?

“What?”

“Considering you barbecued his ass,” he finished with a laugh.

Despite how awful and wrong that was, a giggle escaped her. And another. And another, until she was laughing along with him.

“That’s so fucked up,” she said, still smiling.

“Yeah, it is, but it’s all I’ve been able to think for the past four hours.”

Then his smile faded and his eyes grew serious. He put both hands on her face and pulled her close to him. “Feyre.”

“Rhysand.”

“It’s over now. He’s never going to hurt you again. No ones ever going to hurt you again. I’m so proud of you.” He said it all in the softest tone possible, and it made her chest hurt with how much she needed those words.

“I killed him,” she whispered, the reality of it crashing into her.

He shook his head. “You defended yourself. He was going to kill you. You fought like hell, and you won.”

Feyre nodded, pulling him closer until his weight was on top of her and his arms were around her.

“You kicked his ass,” he murmured through her hair. “My little brawler.”

She smiled, running her hands over his back.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered to her.

She pulled back far enough to say, “What do you possibly have to be sorry for?”

“I’m sorry I didn’t get here faster and I didn’t protect you-”

“Rhysand.”

“Yes.”

She shook her head and flicked his nose. “Shut up.”

“Okay.”

He hugged her again. “You should know,” he said a moment later, pulling back to give her a smile, “that Mor is outside with Azriel and Cassian.”

“Oh, God.”

“Yeah. I think they had to give Mor a sedative to calm her down. I’ll go get her if you want.”

Feyre shook her head, deciding to give herself another moment before dealing with that brand of crazy.

“Do you remember what you said to me? After you tackled me? Which, by the way, was insanely sexy.”

She knew under the humor was a twinge of anxiety, so she said, “I could talk about the homo-eroticism of what you just said, but I’ll give you a break. You’re under a lot of stress.”

Rhysand grinned and raised an eyebrow.

“I love you,” she murmured. “You know I do.”

“I do,” he replied smugly, smirking like a cat. “I love you, too.”

He leaned down and kissed her softly, ignoring the probably nasty black eye and bruised jaw. He kissed her, and she didn’t care about anything in the world.

Until the door banged open.

“You’re awake and you didn’t tell me!” Mor screeched, running in the room and throwing herself on Feyre, bruises be dammed. “Of course you didn’t because you wanted a chance to make out with your boyfriend before you did. Selfish, Feyre! Selfish!”

“Mor,” she muttered, hugging her back tightly. “I’m awake.”

“You’re such a bitch,” he best friend laughed.

“I love you, too.”

Rhys laughed and got out of his chair, probably going to talk to his friends and update them.

For the first time in years, everything felt right. It felt good. She was excited for tomorrow, not because of work, but because for the first time in a long time, she had people in her life she was going to fight to keep there.

For the first time in a long time, she wasn’t afraid.

_____________________________________________________

FUCK sorry this is so long! I literally had no intention of taking this route when I started writing it, but shit happens when it’s 2 am and you’ve had a long week.

As always, feel free to send me requests/asks/whatever. I love hearing from yall.

@bamchickawowow

#feysand #feysand fanfiction #rhysand #feyre #feyre archeron #a court of mist and fury #a court of thorns and roses #a court of wings and ruin #a court of dreams #a court of starlight and frost #feyreandrhysand #feyre darling #feyre x rhysand

186 notes · View notes

nicolewoo · 4 years

Text

Mom’s Guidance

Pairing: Joe Anaoi X Reader

POV: Joe’s point of view.

Warnings: none.

I watched as Y/N left the room, trying to look nonchalant as I watched that amazing ass walk away. I briefly hoped she’d sleep in my bed tonight, but that only happened when she had a nightmare, and I didn’t want her to suffer. I was trying to sort through my feelings when mom came up behind me,

Placing her hand on my shoulder. “Soooo...” we watched as Y/N stopped to talk to Becky. “That’s her?” I looked at mom, not knowing what she was talking about.

“Her who?”

Mom smiled up at me. “Y/N. She’s the one, right?” I shouldn’t have been surprised that mom figured it out. She knew me so well.

“Mom!” I chided her. “It’s not like that. We are just friends.”

She reached up and patted my cheek with her hand, laughing as she said, “Sweetie, you can fool everyone else, but not me.”

“I’ve tried, Mama.” Colby called out as he walked in the kitchen.

She turned to see Colby. “Tried what, Colby?”

“Tried telling him to ask her out.” He said, grabbing a pickle off an appetizer tray Y\N had just made.

“Get your hands off there!” I grumbled to him. “The guests will be arriving soon and mind your own damn business about my love life.” I snapped at him.

“Leake Joseph!” It didn’t matter how old I was. Mom pulling out my full name always shut me down. “I didn’t raise you to talk to people like that; especially people who are trying to help you!” Colby backed out of the room with his hands up.

“I’m sorry, mom. He’s just been hounding me about this all the time. I’m sick of it.” I knew that wasn’t an acceptable reason to snap, but it was the truth.

Mom put her hand on my shoulder blade and lightly pushed. “Let’s go outside and talk.” She wasn’t asking, and I knew better than to fight her. I followed as mom walked to the patio table and sat. She leveled her eyes on me. “Why do you think Colby is so insistent that you ask Y/N out?”

I hadn’t actually thought about it until now. “I guess he wants me to be happy.”

“Right. He’s just trying to help. You are obviously crazy about her, so what’s stopping you?”

This shit again? From my mom this time. “Mom, it’s not as simple as that. Y/N is going through a rough time.” I was hoping that was enough explanation for her, but she stared patiently at me expecting more of an explanation. “She needs a friend. Not someone trying to get in her pants.” I sighed.

Mom smiled, “Are you trying to get in her pants?”

“Mom!” I said indignantly.

“Joe, I just meant what do you want from her? More than sex, I hope.” She wasn’t joking and I wasn’t going to talk to my mom about sex. I don’t care how old I was.

I stood up and watched the ocean as I thought. “Yeah. I want more than that.”

She hummed her approval, “I know.”

“I want her happiness. I want her sadness. I want to be there to help her through this tough time.” I was talking more to myself than to mom now. “I want to keep her safe and make her happy. I want to celebrate her successes and support her when things go wrong. I want to hear her laughter, and I want to be the one to make her laugh.”

“You’re in love with her.” Mom walked up next to me and wrapped her arm around my waist. I couldn’t say it, but I nodded yes. “Joe,” I looked to her. “Ask her out.”

“It’s so complicated,” I said as I wrapped an arm around her shoulder and we watched the ocean silently for a few minutes.

She finally broke the silence, “You love her, and she loves you. What’s complicated about that?”

I looked at her in shock, “She’s not in love with me.”

She laughed softly, “Oh baby, yes she is. You’ve always been oblivious when it comes to women, but I promise you, that girl is 100% in love with you.”

I was shocked. Hearing that from Becky, Colby and, well, the whole locker room was one thing. Hearing it from mom was something else. “Mom? What makes you say that?”

Mom looked back at the ocean, “Baby, the way she looks at you. The way she smiles at you. The way she relaxes around you. The way she finds every reason in the world to touch you. She’s in love with you.” There was no doubt in mom’s mind. Not even a bit.

I looked at her, “Really? Like…..” I paused trying to figure out what to say. “Really?”

“Baby, I’m positive.” She patted my back lightly. “Ask her out.”

I started shaking my head no. “Mom, you don’t understand. She’s really going through a bad time right now. She doesn’t need me complicating things.”

“Seems to me, you are complicating things now.” Mom let that statement hang in the air for a minute before continuing. “Imagine whatever she’s going through and then add on the pangs of love you feel for her. She feels them for you too, but she has to hide them. Wouldn’t it be easier if you both would just admit how you feel?”

I kissed mom’s temple and stood enjoying the view with her, mulling over her words. Could it be possible that mom is right? Could Y/N love me? It was one thing to hear it from friends and co-workers, but when mom says it. Mom is never wrong. Maybe Y/N did feel the same for me.

“Now, lets get inside. You’ve got guests coming in an hour, and we still haven’t set the table.” She started leading me back inside.

“And if Colby keeps eating the food, I’m going to kick his ass.” I teased.

She looked at me before going in the house, “You need to apologize to him.” I looked at her and nodded my agreement.

“I will mom. Thanks.”

@mindofasagittaruis @lclb13

#joe anaoi #roman reigns

41 notes · View notes

afterhoursfic · 4 years

Note

Geralt isn't sterile, because of... whatever reasons you want (second set of mutations? just lucky?) and he gets off like crazy on breeding whores/women he forces. Maybe he'll accept sex as payment for a contract if the village is too poor to pay (or he insists on it even if they can, when he smells a cute little virgin,) growling about how he's going to get a witcher pup on them, so everyone knows what a ruined slut they are, while they cry and beg him not to but can't possibly stop him.

Warning: non con

I really loved this prompt and I hope you enjoy it.

P.s. my dirty talk is uh not great so forgive that please

P.p.s The whole thing with the potion and letter in Oxenfurt is canon in the game so our boy could be out there doing this

When he got Shani to sneak him into Oxenfurt academy to look for information on O'Dimm, admittedly he didn't expect much, and he definitely didn't expect to see a letter posted on a door about his encounter with two academics in Flotsam what felt like decades ago.

In truth, he had forgotten about the whole encounter, of two men who approached him to ask if he would drink a potion, and against his better judgment, had done it. He didn't know the point in it, he was still a witcher, his hair stayed white, he didn't go blind, and his dick didn't shrink so could he be blamed for the whole thing being lost to the back of his mind.

Although now it is apparent that the potion did have a purpose, to make him fertile again, and the academics had even had a spy follow him to monitor his progress, or at least to have proof that the potion worked in the form of expanding bellies as they had called it.

Clearly, his reputation for bedding women preceded him, but as he thought back on the past year or so, most of his encounters had been with sorceresses, and in one memorable case a succubus, beings incapable of bearing child, although there could be one woman, Violet? Viola? that he had paid for at the Passiflora almost seven months past, and if he were to see if there was any truth to this, any chance that the potion even worked, that would be his best bet.

He abandoned his quest then, forgetting entirely about O'Dimm, Von Everec, and dirty dealings as he raced out of Oxenfurt and turned towards Novigrad.

~~~

It took a week until he reached the Passiflora and he'd barely stepped through the door before the Madame of the house was cussing him out for getting her best girl pregnant, too stunned about the whole situation he didn't even stop the woman from shoving him out of the brothel.

He barely had the mind to grab the woman's wrist, begging to know where Viola lived so he could find out the facts, he was supposed to be sterile after all and to make reparations as well. In the end, he had to use axii on the woman, but he managed to get an address out of her and it wasn't much longer that he was knocking on the woman's door.

As soon as it opened everything froze, he knew it was Viola in front of him with her swollen belly that looked ready to pop, the both of them staring at one another for a moment before she flew at him in a rage, slapping and hitting at any part of him she could reach until he finally calmed her with axii.

After almost 100 years of life, he knew whores worked with a strict pulling out policy for all men who entered, except for witchers, whos mutations meant that they were both sterile and unable to carry disease, perhaps one of the only perks they got from the whole ordeal.

He didn't need to debate about the probabilities of the child being his though, he could smell it on the woman, his scent just faintly as if it was under her skin, and something in him snapped at the thought. He did this, he fathered the life still growing in her and he latched onto the thought, let himself become addicted to it as he left the woman pregnant with his child in the street, barely remembering to lift the sign before he was heading for Crippled Kate's, a brothel on the docks who surely wouldn't turn away his coin even if the rumor of him fathering a child had reached them.

Sure enough, coin quickly passes hands and then he's being led to a room. Normally he would take his time, focus on the woman's pleasure by first getting her off on his mouth and then with two fingers before sliding into her like a hot knife into butter, ever eager not to add to the rumors about Witcher's being mindless beasts.

Now though he very much plays into the lie, can it be a lie when he shoves the woman to the bed, ignoring her protest as he climbed on top of her, and it's almost too easy to rip her underwear off and slide his cock into the tight, tight heat of her cunt as he quickly bottoms out.

He ignores the woman's scream as he instantly begins to pound into the woman, pushing her legs up until they're almost at her ears as he only fucks into her faster.

It's as if a fog has clouded his mind with the sole focus to fuck and breed, paying no mind to the tears streaking down the woman's face and her sobs for him to stop, he doesn't even feel it when she rakes her fingernails down his back, shoulders, hell even his face to deter him, instead it just spurs him to move faster, to fuck deeper as a growl emanates deep in his throat as he gets closer to the edge.

"How's it feel to be a witcher's bitch, stuffed on my cock and bred full of my come" The woman under him cries some more, broken sobs leaving tear tracks down her cheeks as his hips begin to lose their rhythm as he got closer to his release "What will the Madame say when your belly starts to grow with my child, nothing more than witcher's whore who bent arse up to be bred on my cock"

When all the girl does is plead for him to stop, it finally pushes him over the edge, slowing down his thrusts to drag out his orgasm as long as possible to coax every drop of come out of him to fulfill his promise to breed the bitch full.

When he's milked his cock dry he's left panting over her, cock still hard and eager for another go at her cunt, all while the girl is trying to wriggle away, to push him off of her. So when he rolls his hips into her again he watches her eyes go wide and tears threaten to spill over her cheeks before he slaps his hand across her mouth, muffling her screams now as he quickly picks up the pace of his hips, railing into the girl now as his hand gets slick with tears and snot as she sobs under him.

He doesn't last nearly as long this time, his cock still sensitive from the first time but with a noise somewhere between a growl and a groan he comes again, filling up her cunt with even more of his seed until he's left giving small aborted thrusts as the stimulation to his cock becomes too much and he finally pulls out.

He moves further down the bed to watch his come begin to leak out of her and chuckles when he sees her clench as if trying to keep it in "For all you're crying, it seems you like being full of my come"

The woman shoves him away and scrambles to the top of the bed, eyes frantic and wild "You're a sick fuckin' bastard and you can pay extra for that"

He just shrugged as he got off the bed and tucked himself back into his breeches, a smile on his face "You didn't say no and it sounded like you were enjoying yourself" Before she could say anything further though he did reach into his coin purse and tossed two crowns at her "That's for the baby"

It was almost comical the way her face paled and the sneer slid off her face "What baby"

He just scoffed at her as if it was the most obvious thing in the world "I'm sure you know how sex works"

"But you're a bleedin' witcher-"

"Sterile I know, but ask them down at the Passiflora and see if they agree" He can only chuckle as he watched her eyes widen and her face grow even paler, she must have heard the rumors and paid them no mind then, good, it meant others wouldn't listen either, and so he left her still leaking his come and tried to temper his thoughts as he walked back to his room for the night.

~~~

He doesn't have to wait long for the next girl to fuck, later that night in fact, nursing an ale in the Chameleon he's already half hard thinking back on his time in the brothel and debating on who in the inn might be willing to go to bed with him.

The answer comes in the form of Dandelion, who approaches him with a woman on each arm, one of which, with dark hair and tan skin immediately plants herself on his lap, surprise flitting across her face when she can evidently feel his now rapidly hardening cock press against her ass before she seems to compose herself, a salacious grin on her face as she presses closer to him and twirls a finger through his hair.

It's all too easy to lead her up to his room, and as soon as the door locks behind him he's ferrying her towards the bed, ignoring the way she tries to kiss along his jaw and paw at his clothes as he lifts her by the waist and throws her on the bed, following close behind and smothering her protest with a kiss.

He had planned to treat this time as an experiment. Back in the brothel, he had quickly succumbed to some sort of animalistic urge and he wanted to see if he could tame it somewhat. He still planned on breeding her, just getting kicked out of every establishment he entered for abusing the woman wasn't on his to do list.

Easier said than done because as soon as he was leaning over the woman that same need to just fuck and come and fuck again came over him.

This time he pulled back, ignoring the look of confusion on the woman's face before flipping her over and shoving her head into the pillows to muffle her cries. In the next moment, he had hitched her skirts up above her waist and pulled his aching cock out of its confines and simply pulled the woman's underwear to the side before he pushed in with a low groan, made even better as the woman clenched tight around him, clearly not prepped for the sheer size of him.

This time he does have the mind to gently roll his hips into her at first, pushing her harder into the bed when he feels her first start to struggle before he rapidly picks up his pace, head thrown back as he feels the girl squirm and clench under him, letting out a groan at the almost vice like grip she had on him as he heard her cry into the pillows.

"Fuck, you're so tight, a nice little hole for me to breed" The woman renews her struggling then, one of her hands trying to reach back to hit him, push him, it didn't matter because it didn't stop him from leaning over her, the angle meaning he could reach even deeper into her cunt, earning a low growl as he thought it would be even easier for her to catch "So eager aren't you, milking my cock like you want to be bred with my pup"

It easy to keep the woman caged when he's pressed this close but it still doesn't stop her from trying to get away, her movements more often then not meeting his thrusts to push impossibly deeper as she clenches oh so tight around him, as if to stop him from fucking into her again, but only pushing him closer to the edge instead.

"If I'd known you were this desperate I would've bent you over the table and fucked you downstairs" He's so close now, panting and growling above her as he drives his cock into her, desperate to come inside her now as she lets out little pained grunts where her face is still shoved against the bed "Would've shown the whole town what a desperate slut you are for a witcher's cock to stuff you full of come, course they'll know when you grow with my child, know how you begged me to breed your cunt"

The girl goes frantic below him in her effort to get out from under him, but instead, she just gets impossibly tighter around him so that he's helpless but to come with a snarl, fucking into her a few more time before he still and lets the woman's movements and tight cunt milk his cock dry for the third time that day.

When he's finished he lets her push him away and watches as she all but runs out of the room, tears mottling her face as she tries to rub them away. Almost casually he gets up from the bed to tuck himself back in and amble back downstairs to finish his drink, only to be approached by Dandelion who looks nothing but concerned.

"I just saw Maya run off as if the Wild Hunt were chasing her, what the fuck happened up there"

"Another girl just looking for the thrill of sleeping with a witcher, took one look at my dick and panicked, tried to calm her but she bolted" He watched Dandelion examine him for a movement, a hand on his chin as he thought before a smile came over his face.

"If I were you I wouldn't go around telling people that girls have literally run from your dick"

"Fuck off"

"Now now none of that, let me make it up to you- if you're still in the mood that is" He'd just gotten off, for the third time that day, but the thought of someone else eager to get into his bed so soon has his dick start to harden as he nods at Dandelion. It's then the bard grips his shoulder and turns him to face a woman stood by the bar, a small smile on her face and a glint in her eye as she looks at them "Miriam has been asking after you all night and I am assured that she will not disappoint"

As he's leading a girl up to his room for the second time that night he can't deny that being friends with Dandelion certainly has its advantages.

~~~

Two days later he's leaving Novigrad, a mixture of no contracts and the rumor being spread of how he was more monster than man in bed had women more than hesitant to approach him, and so he said farewell to his friends before moving on to more fertile pastures, no pun intended.

His next opportunity comes a few days later in some village he didn't care enough to learn the name for. He's just come back from fighting a nightwraith and feels exhausted as he makes his way back to his room at the inn. At least that was his plan until he passes the corner of one building and a woman spits at him before calling him a freak.

He was used to the insults at this point, one of the few constants in his long life, and before hadn't let himself be bothered by them, but there's an itch at the back of his mind that's begging to be scratched and so doesn't even think twice when he moves off the road to instead pull the woman deeper into the alley between the two houses and shove her face against the wall of the hut.

"What the fuck are you doing mutant scum, my boyf-"

"Careful, as my good friend Dandelion says, all are equal in the alcove" He can hear her asking just what he meant by that but after he'd pushed her skirts up and her underwear down it was pretty self-explanatory and quickly shoved a random bit of cloth into her mouth to stop her shouts from alerting passersby.

He can't help but shudder and let out a loud groan as he sinks into her, not even giving her the courtesy of waiting a moment before he's soon pounding into her, his hips snapping up to enjoy the warm, wet, tight heat of her cunt even as she struggles and tries to get a leg back to kick at him.

Granted he's only done this a few times, but he's started to relish the way the women struggle and beg to get out of his hold, to feel them inadvertently tighten around him or push back as they move so that his dick reaches even deeper into them. It would be far too easy to just use axii on them, the women limp under him and their hole loose and warm around him, but he wants them to feel it, wants them to feel how easy it is to just push them down and take what he wants, to fuck them open on his cock before breeding them.

"Wonder what your neighbors will think when they see no ring on your finger but your belly swell with my child" He chuckled as he felt her writhe under him, one hand now pulling harshly at his hair which only served to turn him on even further, spur him to fuck her even harder as he put a hand on her waist to pull her back on his cock with every thrust "They'll think you're a whore who'll open their legs for anything that moves, even a witcher, and how you begged me to breed you with my child"

It's over far too quickly but he makes sure to milk his cock dry inside of her before he pulls out and heads back towards the tavern for a well deserved drink.

He thinks that’s it for the night until he's met with some skinny farmhand pointing a finger at his face about how he raped and abused his girlfriend. What the man expected out of the situation was beyond him, but it probably wasn't to be thrown over his shoulder, easily following the man's scent back to his house before kicking down the door.

The girl he fucked in the alley is there with red eyes and starts hitting and pulling at his arm in an effort to free her boyfriend, but it doesn't move him. Instead, he ties the man to a chair and faces it towards the bed before he drags the woman over the covers to fuck her again and again, letting her writhe and squirm on his cock as he tells her what a good bitch she is letting him have her again, letting him fuck her over and over and over to make sure she catches with his seed.

He pulls her up so she's sat in his lap, both of them facing the boyfriend that's still tied to the chair, a mix of pale-faced horror and red with fury as he rests a hand on the girl's stomach and whispers that her boyfriend will make such a good daddy for his child, how he'll take good care of them and keep food on the table whilst silent sobs wrack her body.

It's only when he's finally spent, his orgasms nothing more than a couple of dribbles of come, that he finally leaves the pair for the night, a part of him almost welcoming the insults towards him now if that's how it ended.

~~~~

It’s almost a week later when he’s in some town outside Oxenfurt and his urges have only gotten worse and will very likely be the death of him.

It’s not so much the angered spouses or brothers that worry him, he got used to that long ago when Dandelion used to travel with him, instead, it’s the fact that he’s taken to accepting sex from the women in the village instead of coin.

In the smaller towns, where parents had far too many mouths to feed, it was all too easy for them to accept his offer, and they gladly threw him the first girl he looked at, sometimes that was girls fresh into their maidenhood and other times spouses or betrothed who smelled so sweet that he just had to taste, and often remarked on what a nice little family he was helping to create as he pounded into them.

In this town, however, they had heard of the witcher accepting sex instead of coin but when they’d seen his gaze fix on the Aldermans daughter as they discussed a contract, they were quick to offer him coin and only coin, luckily for them, he was running low and needed a list of things he’d put off as he had instead taken his pay between a woman’s thighs.

He would have accepted the measly coin and been done with it provided the drowners he had been hired to deal with hadn’t turned into a whole host of necrophages, from water hags to rotfiends and even ghouls.

When he demanded compensation for the trouble, he had just cleaned out the entire coastline for them so that they could fish again, the Alderman was quick to brush him off and cast him out of the town, knowing that his price would be his daughter.

It wasn’t until he threatened to tell other witchers of this town, of how they refused to pay him for services rendered so that when the next monster came, as it inevitably would, no witcher would help.

He had to bite back his smirk when the man finally agreed to pay, on the condition that he pick the girl. It wasn’t ideal and not what he really wanted, but if he at least got to breed one girl in this town then it didn’t matter to him who it was, and so it was agreed, he would be put up in a room at the inn, food and drink supplied where the chosen girl would later meet him.

That was all well and good and he gladly ate his fill under the mistrustful eyes of the barmaid, but for the first time in a long time, he would be ending the night with a full stomach. He really should accept more coin on contracts.

An hour or so later having retired to his room, he opens the door to find a woman, not old per se, but definitely past her prime, and would not be able to rear his or anyone else’s child.

At first, there’s just anger at the Alderman for cheating his part of the deal, and he almost scares off the poor woman still stood frozen at his door before pulling her in. He would get back at the man for sure, but for now, he just needed something to temper his rage and fucking a hole, no matter how useless to him, would help.

Only, when it came down to it there was no anger or fury filled lust, he’d been ruined by unspoiled maidens and sullying those promised to others, so now when faced with neither of those he finds himself disinterested and barely able to fuck the woman into her own orgasm before kicking her out, leaving him unsatisfied and even worse than before.

Later that evening, when most of the town has gone to bed, he leaves the inn, not to go to Roach, but the Alderman’s house at the end of the street, far grander than any of the man’s people could afford and it’s almost too easy to slip through a window and pass through wide corridors without a sound.

It’s even easier to get into the girl's room, smelling of cotton sheets and honeysuckle as he shoves a cloth into the girl's mouth and pins her to the bed, the girl still too tired to put up much of a fight before he’s lifting her nightdress to expose pale, creamy skin that he craves to mark with his teeth.

Eventually, the girl realizes something isn’t right and tries to pull away, but the attempt is almost laughable as he presses first one and then two fingers into her, pumping them a few times before he’s lining up his cock and sinking in with a moan as the girl screams behind her gag.

He should really go easy on the girl, but he can’t help the way his hips pull back before fucking back into the tight grip of her cunt. It’s not long before she’s crying, her muffled sobs filling the room alongside his moans and the sound of skin slapping as he fucks into that tight heat even harder.

The girl has only recently come into womanhood, he can smell it on her and a fucker like her father is probably already looking at who the girl might marry in the coming months. He has to stop moving for a moment before he comes too soon at the thought of by then the girl's stomach would start to show, how the family’s name would be cursed out by those higher than them for letting the girl be spoiled, and by a witcher especially.

“You’re going to look so pretty full with my come, but you’ll look even prettier full with my child” The girl below him doesn’t react, not that he expected her to at this point, she just kept crying until her gag was soaked through with spit and tears “Tell your father it was me, that it was a witcher’s cock that fucked you so well, so full of come, that you had to carry his pup”

Spurred on by his own words he can’t help the way his hips stutter as he finally comes into the girl under him, breathless for a moment but eager still, there were a lot of rotfiends after all so why not take what he was owed.

His second orgasm washed over him quickly as he told her what a nice little breeding bitch she made, how well she fit his cock and milked him dry like she wanted to carry his pup. The third orgasm comes even faster when he threatened to fuck her in front of her father so he could see what a needy little slut she was, how well she needed to be bred, and with a finger on the girl’s clit she coming around him that quickly sends him hurtling over the edge as well.

He tucks her back into the covers, cleaning her face a little before leaving her to sob into her pillow with his come staining her thighs. He’s not inclined to stay in the town for much longer, so returns to the inn to grab his meager things, and after saddling Roach, makes for the next town and hole he’d get to fuck.

#what even is dialogue #this whole thing is a mess and I apologize #afterhours cw non con #afterhours cw breeding kink #afterhours cw pregnancy kink

34 notes · View notes

elsa-should-be-arrested · 4 years

Text

Frozen 2 Pitchmeeting copypasta by Anonymous

>"So anyway Elsa, Anna, and Olaf are walking along to find the mysterious voice when they suddenly come across a shipwreck that turns out to be the same one from Iduna and Agnarr's final voyage!" >"Oh, wow." >"Yeah, it turns out they didn't go to the South Sea like Elsa and Anna thought, they really went to the Dark Sea, which is right next to the forest." >"So this scene takes place on a beach?" >"Oh, no, they're still in the middle of the woods." >"What?" >"Yeah, the beach doesn't come into it until later." >"How did their parents' ship sink in the middle of the forest?" >"Unclear." >"Did the area used to be part of the ocean but the water has since receded?" >"Oh no, there are decades-old trees everywhere and the ocean can't even be seen on the horizon." >"Did the Spirits throw the ship clear from the ocean into the middle of the forest?" >"I mean they probably could do that but I don't see why they would instead of just letting the ship sink to the ocean floor like we saw in the first movie." >"I just feel like this raises so many questions that could've been easily avoided if the scene just took place on a beach." >"Yeah, probably. So anyway the three of them run into the ship and look around to see if they can find an explanation as to why it's here in the forest instead of the South Sea like they said they were and find a map that mentions Ahtohallan." >"Gesundheit." >"No, sir, Ahtohallan is the name of the magic glacier that Iduna used to tell Anna and Elsa about when they were kids, and she thought it might have had something to do with Elsa's powers, if it even existed at all." >"That's an interesting theory. I just hope Elsa doesn't put all her eggs in one basket and immediately decide Ahtohallan is the key to everything because there's no concrete connection to her powers, and even her mother wasn't entirely--" >"And so Elsa immediately decides Ahtohallan is the key to everything!" >"Of course." >"But then she remembers Olaf's 'water has memory' thing from earlier in the movie and so she decides to use her water memory restoration powers to witness their parents' dying moments." >"Wait, what? Elsa has water memory restoration powers? I thought she just controlled ice and snow." >"Well, sir, as you know, ice and snow are just forms of water." >"Yes, but doesn't this movie's mythology treat water and ice as two completely separate elements? And if she can control water why hasn't she ever done it before? And even if she can use water to recreate past memories how would she even know how to do that? Wouldn't she need to train under some sort of magic ice Enchanted Forest Yoda or something?" >"Sir, I need a reason for Elsa to get really sad really fast, so I'd like you to get all the way off my back about Elsa's new water powers that will never be mentioned again." >"Fair enough." >"So anyway Elsa is able to recreate her parents' dying moments in which they embrace each other in the face of a really violent, terrifying death and call out Elsa's name." >"Not Anna's name, who is also their daughter and is watching this whole thing next to Elsa?" >"Nope, not at all, sir." >"Iduna and Agnarr couldn't put in the time or effort to think about both of their daughters as they were dying?" >"Nope! They even say Elsa's name multiple times, so it's not like they didn't have the chance." >"Wow, I guess the girls know who the favorite was." >"It is pretty rude, I will agree." >"Very rude dying parents!" >"So anyway, the sight of their parents dying horrifically makes Elsa really upset." >"I don't know what else she was expecting." >"She runs out of the ship, so Anna tries to comfort her by telling her she'll never abandon Elsa and she believes in her and her magic is awesome and that Elsa was a gift from Heaven above to bless their parents with basically just the most perfect child possible and that she'll always support Elsa in anything she does and that she loves Elsa with all her heart and together they're going to solve this mystery and save their kingdom. And Elsa thanks her." >"Aww, how sweet and heartfelt!" >"By throwing her down a hill." >"What." >"Yeah, Elsa's worried that the rest of the journey may be too perilous for Anna and Olaf so she summons an ice canoe around them and then sends the thing just... careening down a hillside at roughly fifty miles an hour." >"Oh my God." >"Yeah, it's pretty much an ice rocket, just shooting past trees and rocks left and right." >"Elsa wanted to keep Anna safe by trapping her in a murder rocket made out of material famous for people slipping on it and shooting it into a forest full of rocks and trees and cliffs and supernatural monsters that Elsa is in no way familiar with?" >"She had to. There was still one Spirit left to deal with and the Dark Sea can be very dangerous." >"Hasn't Elsa kicked the ass of every Spirit she's come across so far? And isn't she capable of freezing large bodies of water as we saw in the first movie?" >"She has and is, yes." >"And isn't she capable of creating life, so she could just make like a huge eagle or dragon or something big enough to fly herself, Anna, and Olaf harmlessly across the Dark Sea?" >"She most definitely could." >"So why does she need to kick Anna down a hill in order to continue the mission?" >"Because I want her to fight a horsey." >"Excuse me?" >"I want Elsa to fight a horsey and I don't want Anna just standing there watching and making it weird." >"I mean you don't have to have her just standing there watching, you could involve her. Make it a really cool fight scene where the sisters work together and show teamwork and it could be a really cool, inspiring, empowering moment where they unite against a powerful enemy and overcome it and--" >"Don't be silly, sir. Two women can't fight a horsey. That's just crazy talk!" >"I just feel like Elsa kicking Anna down a hill because a fantasy quest adventure is dangerous is sort of really harshly unnecessary and also sort of undermines the whole 'stronger together' thing we've been selling for the last six years." >"CRAZY TALK, I SAY!" >"I mean I guess so." >"Crazy movie producer." >"So tell me about this horsey fight, how does it go?" >"Well at first Elsa tries to run across the Dark Sea but she keeps getting hit by waves and sent deep into the water." >"The ice sorceress capable of freezing large bodies of water tries physically running across a stormy sea?" >"She does, sir, yes. And then one time when she's underwater she gets attacked by the Water Spirit, which is a kelpie named Nokk." >"The Water Spirit is seaweed?" >"No, sir, a kelpie is a beast from Celtic mythology. It's basically a horse made of water and it controls the sea." >"Oh, wow." >"And it killed Iduna and Agnarr." >"Whoa, what?" >"I mean it's pretty obvious since this is where they died and it's guarded by a supernatural sea monster that intentionally makes the ocean all stormy and dangerous, which is what killed them." >"That sounds pretty intense. So is Elsa gonna get some some sweet karmic justice on Nokk for killing her parents?" >"Oh, no. Well, not intentionally, at least." >"What do you mean?" >"Well like I said, it's pretty obvious if you think about it, but we're not gonna make a thing out of it. In fact we're not even gonna acknowledge it at all." >"Elsa's going to engage in mortal combat with her parents' murderer and she's not even going to realize it?" >"That's right sir, yes." >"Seems like a weird way to take that potentially massive plot point." >"To be honest, sir, I wanted to make more of a deal out of it but I honestly couldn't think of a way to... write it good." >"I guess it is better to write nothing than to write something disappointing and stupid." >"Exactly!" >"So how about the fight itself? How does Elsa versus Nokk go down?" >"Well Nokk can dissolve and become the water all around Elsa and if she freezes him he can just immediately unfreeze himself and he's just really strong. Basically imagine how dangerous a normal wild horse is, but then also factor in drowning, a shark attack, and a homing torpedo." >"Oh my God, Nokk sounds borderline invincible. Is it gonna be hard for Elsa to beat him?" >"Actually, it's going to be super easy. Barely an inconvenience!" >"How so?" >"Well at one point during the fight Elsa just... rides him." >"Just... rides him?" >"Yep. After getting the everloving snow beaten out of her for ten minutes Elsa gets the idea to hop onto Nokk's back and ride him around shouting 'yee-hah!'" >"The ancient supernatural being who controls the seas themselves is defeated because the woman who must weigh barely over 100 pounds asks for a pony ride?" >"That's right sir, yes." >"I guess that makes sense."

#frozen 2 #source: 4chan #/frz/#elsa the snow queen #elsa the fifth spirit

9 notes · View notes

everybodyscupoftea · 4 years

Text

dumbass quotes

hi! this is a list of dumb shit issawhat (huge inspo for frat jj) has said on twitch stream, not taking credit at all, one of the viewers created a google doc and i picked 100 of my faves and thought it could be fun to use these as prompts for a blurb thing

so, choose what jj you want (pike, sigma chi, college) and send me some numbers

(i have stuff i need to do today so i’ll start working on these later this afternoon and tonight)

1. I’m emotionally unavailable

2. My body/bloodstream is a pharmacy

3. I hate it here

4. My dick only touched my hands today

5. My dick is very clean

6. Please don’t talk to me

7. Teenagers are fucking pussies bro

8. I can barely read so I like looking at pictures

9. We’re having the opposite of a good time right now

10. I’m not even playing with my team right now, I’m gonna be independent and just run and shoot people in the forehead

11. You piece of dog shit. You utter piece of dog shit

12. IUD. Is that the implant

13. Fuck them kids. No don’t actually fuck kids

14. Are we talking about planets? I love outer space

15. Mars just probably tastes like cheese pizza

16. No offense. Actually, offense

17. You don’t wanna live in my mind it’s loud up there

18. Can we not talk about demons? That kinda stresses me out

19. There’s a video of a guy with a ton of tattoos who looks like he’ll fuck your step mom

20. I swear at one point I had bigger boobs than my ex

21. I just wanna be a shredded skinny boy

22. It’s not like I want to die, I’m just okay with dying

23. I don’t even touch my dick when I pee most of the time

24. Time to fuck some dumb ass bitches up

25. The amount I just got railed was way too much

26. I’m pretty sure nut has more calories than celery

27. I don’t pull out

28. I can’t hear you I’m dropping

29. I’m a fucking laser

30. My dick is 8 inches if I fold it in half

31. Actually my dick has never been on camera. I wear swim shorts in the shower

32. Where the pussy boys at

33. Imagine being married. Imagine having emotions

34. Sometimes I read then sometimes I think what if I didn’t have eyeballs

35. I’m gonna kick you in the fucking forehead

36. My lips are chapped as dick

37. It’s pretty early for arson talk boys but if you want to we can

38. You guys say a lot of sexual things and it stresses me out

39. It’s such a power play ghosting your parents

40. Blinking is for sore losers

41. Refreash

42. I��m gonna see how much of this beer I can delete

43. Don’t shoot me in the back that would not be cash money

44. Sand hanitizer

45. Condoms don’t even work

46. *talking about a funeral* open bar?

47. Adulting is for fucking losers

48. Alcohol? You mean spicy water

49. I hate how they make kids so stupid in movies. They’re dumb but not that dumb

50. It smells like soup in my house bro

51. And it went like

52. I’m not that versatile in my pegging lingo

53. What’s MI? Is that Michigan

54. I’m actually 4 food 5 and legally a short person. And I lost my juul. Oh no I just put it on the charger like an idiot

55. Pew pew pew right in your forehead

56. Guess who’s a dead bitch? You are hahahaha

57. Not in the mood to be trifled

58. Get bodied

59. I know how to talk to women. I’ve been doing it my whole life

60. Did I wash my hands? Sure…

61. You wanna see me in a skirt? No you don’t because I’ll look better than you do and you’ll get mad

62. Mom’s not home, we can’t kill the patriarchy

63. Go kick rocks

64. I’m not a wall puncher anymore

65. I don’t know I just work here

66. Fluffy duffy croissant boy

67. My brain sounds like a rock tumbler

68. Commit sudoku

69. Hit her with an actually

70. A lot of natural light but I wish we could get a bud light

71. I can’t hear you I’m yawning

72. I’m not an object I just want to be treated like one

73. I feel like when I eat I do better in life

74. I am pro elder abuse I agree

75. Nickle sized nipples that sounds like a bar

76. The cologne is in the air and I can taste it on my lips

77. The smell of this cologne reminds me of sex because whenever I use it I have sex

78. God damnit charge faster juul

79. Are you an innie or an outie

80. You can have my belly button pics for free baby girl

81. Does anyone want to meet god because I can help you out looking at you

82. Only if it’s pictures with sound

83. My second life I was a banana slug, learned a lot

84. I’m a virgin, I can’t hear you

85. I’m getting the nicest virgin (meaning version)

86. That’s what people say about my penis. Definitely doable but hard

87. A cat appointment? We call that a normal Tuesday

88. That fucking visor doesn’t slap

89. I should buy you a pair of catch these hands

90. I was watching ant videos last night they’re fucking crazy

91. LOOK UP TOP FIVE ANT MOMENTS

92. Who the fuck is spam risk and why are they calling me

93. What is a jetpack? Is that when you’re the big spoon but you’re small so you look like a jetpack

94. I’m gonna call you backpack though like dora because you don’t shut the fuck up

95. If you threw some long division at me I’d say go fish

96. I can’t even hear myself think. Not that I want to think

97. I don’t think I’ve ever had a fuck honestly. Does someone want to give me my first fuck

98. I don’t need to learn how to do anything, I’m 21. You can’t teach an old dog new tricks

99. That could lead into premarital breathing the same air

100. I didn’t even wear a hat yesterday so I don’t want to play thanks

#frat!jj #college jj #jj maybank #jj maybank x reader #sigma chi!jj #pike!jj #jj maybank blurb

15 notes · View notes

ramblesofadreamerofthestars · 4 years

Text

The 100 said Live Fast Die Young, Bad Bitches Do It Well, and they were Right

We were so fed this episode with women kicking ass, it’s what we deserve. As always, spoilers for the most recent episode (7.06) of The 100

Indra becoming the commander of Wonkru, you love to see it. Like we’ve been saying this shit for years now, destroy the fucking flame and let Indra lead. Shout out to Adina Porter’s amazing acting skills (again), because every scene she’s in she absolutely kills and I am constantly in awe of everything she does. I understand where Indra was coming from with trying to get Madi to unite Wonkru again, the flame and the commander is all she’s known, but it was still,,,, Not Great! I’m so happy Jackson, Murphy and Emori showed up and put a stop to that shit, and I love how much they genuinely care for her. Side note, while I love getting to see Madi being a kid and getting to experience being normal, the fucking whiplash I got seeing Duncan/Quigley Quagmire on screen was a Time. “Yes I was a null left out to die, no I don’t want to fight you”, this kid is so Tired already I love him and want the best for him.

Beyond that incredible scene of Indra taking control of Wonkru (complete with “Can I at least watch?” ‘No.’ “I’m going to watch” and Murphy’s little clap, fucking amazing I love every moment Memori is on screen), the Sanctum scenes Once Again Dragged On. And now we added another plot? Technically we added it on a couple episodes ago but I’m already So Tired of Hatch’s girlfriend whatever the fuck her name is. “Tell Raven Boom Boom” fuck out of here with that corny ass shit, you are the Least important storyline in the clusterfuck that the writers have created. I kind of hope they all just get like...sent to a different planet I don’t Care about it.

Sheiheda (finally spelled that bitches name right I think) is so....one dimensional. Like, I get it it’s the increased tension with the believers and Wonkru fracturing and what not but he’s so fucking evil for...no reason?? He’s like, “everyone wants power blah blah blah power is the greatest weapon you could have, I’ll teach you how to gain power” whoop de fucking do. You’re not special, you’re not even an interesting flavour of evil I’m so tired of your shit. Penn getting the best line of “please Shut Him Up” was the audience taking over his body for a hot sec. Nelson I had hopes for you but like....b u d d y. “Hmm, I have dedicated my entire life to taking down corrupt leaders who take away people’s free wills so they can stay in power, but I guess I’ll listen to you, who won’t shut up about how people want power (self project much?) and also just give off bad vibes” like b r u h.

THE DIYOZA-BLAKE FAMILY IS BACK IN ACTION BITCHES!! When Diyoza appeared I was so fucking happy I have Missed Her. The montage of her being as inconvenient as possible and rescuing herself to a kickass soundtrack? Art. I love them all getting to reuinte and the little moment of comforting Octavia when she said Bellamy was dead (just you fucking wait babe). I think it’s fairly obvious which direction they want Echo to go but I’m still hoping against hope she gets some good character development before the series ends. Diyoza agreeing with Echo killing that old man picking flowers but Octavia not liking it, Interesting.

And Levitt!! He’s Not Dead!!! I am still very concerned for him and also slightly suspicious of him but I really really hope he’s as genuine as he seems. His and Octavia’s little moment, beautiful I loved it, Levitt really said punch me in the face it’ll be awesome huh. Not like, super thrilled with Gabriel’s choice but whatever they needed them to stay on Sanctum I guess.

(fuck you for mentioning the native Bardoans again without letting me see them or giving me more information Let Me See The Crystal Giants.)

And finally, our lord and saviour, Clarke Griffin and her team of planet hopping idiots. Did Not enjoy the spiders, just right off the bat, not a fan of those. However, Nakara being the human garbage disposal is so fucking funny to me and the fact that the caves are a living being (with an anomaly stone in it like fucking what??? Did this bitch eat that too???). That smash cut between Russel saying “Then you take out the enemies Queen” and Clarke Griffin, poetic cinema. I love her so much y’all and I love her and Raven’s little moment. ALSO! I would die for Niylah and her stupid puns I love her and want her protected at all costs. Jordan geeking out over aliens continues to be a delight, this is what we deserved from Monty and Harper’s kid. Remove the impressionable youth from the shitty influences and would you look at that, Much Better. And Miller continues to be a delight and a whole ass mood in every episode, just here for Clarke and to get their people back but complaining the whole way because of the batshit insanity they go through, I Love Him. So many “side” characters got like, three lines this episode and that’s really great for them, would love to see them say more some day.

I will say I wish Raven apologized to Clarke for what she’s said and done in the past, but her line of Clarke Griffin doesn’t break was really indicative of how the rest of the deliquints saw her, as their leader yes but also someone who could kill without falling apart when in reality we know it nearly destroyed her inside. I really hope that Raven continues to grow and understand and her and Clarke get to where they should have always been. Also, Raven talking about killing twelve (12) people and how it feels like her soul is breaking or whatever and I can just imagine Clarke’s inner monologue of “Remember that time I killed an Entire Mountain Of People and y’all got mad at me for leaving to process that, good times good times”. It’s definitely the start to a better path for Raven and I really really really hope it continues.

Overall, this episode while the plot was kind of boring was saved by just how amazing the ladies were, kick ass take names and look incredible doing it, I love them. The acting continues to be incredible (once again shout out to JR Bourne for doing the Most) and even though I despise some of the storylines, the actors should be given praise for making it compelling stories to watch with how far their characters have come. Fuck Sanctum though.

Next Episode Emori getting her time in the spotlight? You love to see it. I will say I’m incredibly worried for her (JRoth if you kill her is2g) but I am also So Ready to see her go off. I think this is the episode of Murphy with a gun to his head comes from? Idk should be interesting even if it’s dealing with whatever the fuck her name is crazy lady. Also, trouble with the Diyoza family, which will be Extremely interesting to watch as Diyoza has to come to terms with the fact that Hope has grown up without her, but also trying to make sure she doesn’t make the same mistakes Diyoza made.

When will Bellamy return from the war. When we get the Bellarke reunion I’m going to lose my mind y’all already know I’m a clown for them and I miss him (once again the character not the actor because Once Again, it is Completely understandable for them to prioritize their mental health first). I feel a little like Kronk watching these episodes like “oh ya, it’s all coming together” I can’t Wait for all the OG’s to reunite for the final season

#The 100 #the 100 s7 #the 100 spoilers #I know I didn't mention the Second Dawn #this post is already so long and I'm tired #but Miller saying It has to be a coincidence is dumbass representation baby #like ya ok it's a Coincidence that sounds logical #bellarke #because i'm literally always a clown for them #let Madi play soccer 2kwhateveryearitis

12 notes · View notes

procancelled · 4 years

Text

It’s Hard To Be A Diamond In A Rhine Stone World 2008

Something I’ve noticed is that the majority of BOTDF songs address the listener instead of a specific person in the song. This is concerning given how sexual the songs are and how young the fanbase is.

Slash Gash Terror Crew Anthem!

- Fandom name.

- Violent

- Anthem for the fanbase is very sexual despite fanbase is young.

Bend over

Shake those titties

- Gross and demeaning

Pull over

Hello Kitty

- This is a FUCKING CHILDREN’S CARTOON CHARACTER!

Back it up like a U-Haul truck

Sock it to me

Rub my junk

- Anthem for fanbase asks them to do sexual things to Dahvie

You’re a freak… like me!

- Trying to connect to the audience and make them relate to him

Save the Rave

You can talk

You stupid tricks

- Demeaning to people who criticise him or come out with allegations against him

I’ve taken the pills

Giving into cheap thrills

- Normalising drug use

I fell in love with a girl

At the dance club

She said what! As I’m kicking

Up the party drugs

- Connecting relationships, ‘love’ and drug use

Shoot up this place

- Violent

S My D

- A whole song dedicated to Dahvie’s oral sex fixation

I’m probably gonna lick

Feel you up until you drip

- Oral sex fixation and overly sexual

Do you like my sexy hair?

- Wig, shitty, mouldy, stinky wig.

I’m not wearing any underwear

- So it’s easier to get your dick out?

- Also, this is said in a very childish tone instead of trying to sound sexual

S my D

Pop it out like lipstick

- Childish sounding when referring to his oral sex fixation

Take the bottles, pop ‘em out

- Connecting alcohol with sex

Gimme gimme more on the dance floor

- Sex in public, exhibitionism

Turn around, what the hell

Go real fast, break it down

Do it ‘til you touch the ground

Want it slick, want it sure?

- Fast semi-violent sex

Bitch I know you want some more

- Disrespectful and also sounds very rapey

So open me up like Christmas

- Childish sounding which is very gross

S my D motherfuckin’ bitches

- Disrespectful and demeaning

Suck it good

Suck it hard

Suck it right

- Demanding

- Oral sex fixation

- If you want good oral sex then maybe you shouldn’t try to get oral sex from underage virgins, most of which don’t know or understand oral sex

Ima Monster (Heart On My Sleeve)

- Yes you are

I’m banging with the b-o—t-o-dizzle

With wiffles

- What the fuck does this mean?

‘Cause I dribble like I’m rubbing on nipples

- Obsession with breasts

- Why would rubbing nipples make him dribble so much? He’s not seen boobs for the first time, he’s an adult

Gotta get out the pickle

- Childish sounding and gross

Make it rain with the ripples

Let my candy rum trickle

- Linking alcohol and sex

Get you buzzed with double triples

Getting head, in rentals

- Oral sex fixation

- Car sex again

Avoiding the parentals

- Why would adults need to avoid parents? Because an adult should be having sex/a relationship with an adult so parents aren’t an issue right? Unless this is actually because he is avoiding parents because he intents to pursue a minor

They be hatin’ us

Cause we glamourous

They be hatin’ us

Cause I’m fabulous

- Uses things like jealousy as the only reason he/the band are hated

Can’t stop me once I’ve started

- Sounds rapey as fuck

Baby got me retarded

- Slur

Chop, chop, chop you up

- Violent

Eat you like a cannibal

Spit you like an animal

- Violent

- Dismissive, uncaring and disrespectful

Slice, slice, slice you up

Cut you up, I’ll slice and dice

- Violent

Serve you up as cold as ice

- Gloating

Go ‘head girl, shake that butt

Make me freaking bust a nut

- Overly sexual

- Objectifying

Let’s get wasted, super UHW

Guess what honey, I’m a freak

I’m a freak, inside the sheets

- Links alcohol and sex

- Saying he’s a ‘freak’ is reminiscent of how he uses BDSM as an excuse

Rough, tough, naughty nurse

Rip it up, make it hurt

- Normalising rough sex to a young audience that doesn’t know much about sex

- Telling fans what he likes and what he’s like (supposedly) sexually

Don’t stop, get it, get it

Last for hours, not for minutes

- Demanding

- Yeah as if you could Dahvie

Open wide for my surprise

- Oral sex fixation

Scratch and blow for your grand prize

Smear it on your plastic face

- Rude

- Marking who he’s with sexually

Leave you with a sweeter taste

- He has told girls that his cum tastes like ice cream, young girls.

Super soaker on your chest

Let it drip down on your breasts

- Breast obsession

- At shows he would pour drinks on girls chests. He would also spit on them, mainly whichever girl he decided he wanted to have sex with

Haters make me famous

- He indoctrinates his fans to think this way so whenever they see people criticise him or talk about what he did to them they will just replay that their ‘hate’ is just making Dahvie more famous

- They aren’t haters and Dahvie is famous for all the wrong reasons

It’s Hard To Be A Diamond In A Rhine Stone World

Slash Gash Terror what?

Slash Gash Terror who?

Slash Gash Party Crew

- Violent name for fanbase

You know how we fucking do

- Telling fanbase how to act

Pull over, that ass is so phat

You makin’ me clap

- Overly sexual and demeaning

I don’t know how to act

- He really doesn’t

I do it in the front

I do it in the back

Shake it down like that

Make that booty go clap

- Overly sexual while sounding childish and not sexy in any way

Can’t knock it, I’m profit

- Money obsession

- Uses money and parents connect to the cops in his area to get out of any repercussions

I got paper to chase

I got money to make

- By scamming fans

Squish, squish on your chest

- Childish sounding

Rub those titties, super breast

- Ah yes, one single super breast, the other one is mediocre

- Breast obsession

Ah, ah lost my breath

Ultra sex you’re the best

- Overly sexual

I’m packing

- Doubt

I’m stacking

Some rated x action

Strawberry whip cream

We can be a sweet team

Bang bang choo choo train

Show me how you work that thing

- Childish sounding while being overly sexual

This is how we fucking do

In the Slash Gash Terror Crew

- Addressing fans

- Telling fans how to act

Keys To The Bakery

Haters block

- ‘Haters’ = valid critics

- Ironic since he blocks anyone who comments on his posts with the allegations against him

And snitches rock

- Does he mean rock in some kind of bad way?

- He calls anyone who confesses what he did to them as a snitch to make it sound bad so his fans go after them

Yo pass me the cup

I’ll drink till

I throw up

- Unhealthy behaviour being normalised to a fanbase where the majority can’t legally buy alcohol

I get you wetter than Hurricane Katrina

- Hurricane Katrina happened in 2005, three years before this album came out. People were still suffering.

- Hurricane Katrina caused 1,200 deaths and $125 billion in damages

- This line is said eight times in this song

Cuddle leads to trouble

When you’re up in my bubble

- Sounds incredibly rapey

I don’t chase em

I replace em

- It has been reported that over 100 people have reached out with stories about how they have been hurt by Dahvie

- If Dahvie couldn’t get what he wanted from someone he would stop contacting them

- He would also stop contact if he felt at risk of being exposed

Stackin’ hoes

Like dominoes

- Disrespectful

Make a rumour

- Constantly calls the allegations ‘rumours’ so they seem less valid, especially to people who don’t look into them further

Sense of humour

- Nothing about rape or paedophilia is funny

Entertain with my life

Make me popular over night

To be famous is so nice

- Acts as if the allegations just gain him fame. He is the literal embodiment of ‘HaTeRZ MaKE mE FaMOUs’

Reeses pieces butter cup

- Random and childish sounding

Mess with me

I’ll fuck you up

- Threatening violence

- Many victims have said he is a violent person

This is how we party up

- Saying the way he acts is normal

She licked it like a lolli pop

- Childish sounding

- Oral sex fixation

Don’t stop till you hit the spot

- Demanding

You got me crazy or maybe

Get smashed

- Linking sex and alcohol

I can’t stop

Till I pop

- Sounds rapey

- Only cares if he gets off, doesn’t care about the other person

There’s danger on the spot

- Dahvie is the danger

Got money in my hands

Mad dough! Cash flow

Got the diamonds that glow

We be popin’ Champaign

Like we won the damn game

- Obsession with being rich and flaunting that

- He hasn’t got anything now. He’s poor and lives with his parents

Mosh and Roll!

When I step in the club

Everybody shows me love

- No they don’t

- And now some places, not just clubs, won’t let him in

I’m in the business of terror

- Being honest there

More metal than Slayer

- HA! HA! HA!

- THE FUCK!?!?!?!?

I got money and hoes

- Demeaning

In different area codes

- Has victimised women in many states and even different countries

Cause haters make me famous

- This stupid narrative again

But love will make you shameless

- Dahvie doesn’t understand love and he also should feel shame

I’ll slash, gash this party bash

- Violent

Gotta get that money cash

- By scamming?

Up and down with no breaks

We as in, I’ll make you shake

- Gross and overly sexual

We’re gonna burn this town

To the ground

- Violent

I’m not a trend sweater

I’m a trend setter

- This is an actual line that is spoken

Girl you better pop an umbrella cause

You’re making me wet drip, drip

I gotta get that lick

- Oral sex fixation

For the centre of the tootsie pop

- Childish sounding

You know I can’t stop

- Sounds rapey

Shank you with my bling brass

- Violent

Stacking up on my money cash

- Obsession about money

Do You Want To Be A Superstar?

Ummm… Mic check…

One… Two… Um… Fucking twelve

- Again this is an actual line that is spoken

My fashion is so siq

- He dresses the way he does so he looks younger

My fashion will make you lick

- Oral sex fixation

Watch those panties fucking drip

- Gross and overly sexual

Scene hair weave

- Scene hair wig you mean

Scene attitude so fucking mean

- Acts like being mean is okay and normal because of being part of a certain ‘culture’

Get on the floor

Get on the whore

- Demanding and demeaning

Pull down your pants and drop your drows

- Demanding

(Like Oh My God Dahvie you’re so obscene)

- Acts like everything he does is just because he’s ‘obscene’ which is like him saying that how he treats women while he forces himself on them is BDSM

Bitch I’m the motherfucking war machine

- Violent

Don’t give a fuck just bust your grill

- Doesn’t care about being violent

Throw them hoes

- Demeaning and dismissive

Throw these motherfuckers who get too close

- Violent

Porn star bash

Porn star splash

- Porn obsession

My porn star cash

- Dahvie isn’t a porn star

Pretty damn stoned

- Linking drugs and sex

Pretty fucked up? Yeah I know

- Acts like everything he does is a big deal

Do you wanna be a super star?

Get fucked up and go real far?

- Acts like if you’re famous you are going to get ‘fucked up’

Or do you want to be a porn star?

Fuck for money and go real far

- Demeaning sex work

Wet from dreams

Wet from screams

Wet from sex and dripping with cream

- Overly sexual

HOT HOT SEX!

HOT HOT BREASTS!

HOT WHITE TIGHT SHIRTS

BUSTING OUT YOU’RE CHEST

Double D titties

Double D pretties

- Obsession with breasts

- Objectifying women

Girl got them thighs

You’re pretty damn fine

- Objectifying

I don’t give a fuck what I say

I don’t give a fuck I do it everyday

- He literally doesn’t care as long as he gets away with what he does

Yes I’m different

Yet I’m unique

- ‘Uwu I’m not like other predators’

Mess with me

I’ll grind you like meat

- Threatening violence

Let’s get wasted, super fucked

Go head girl shake that butt

- Childish sounding

- Linking sex with alcohol

(Let’s get wasted)

Make me fucking bust a nut

- Demanding

Wet Dream War Machine

Operation get crunk, I'm in love with your trunk

- Combines sex, alcohol and ‘love’

Get me fucking love drunk, baby girl I want

Drugged up like party monster, sexed up so grab the condoms

- Links drugs and sex

Boom, Boom, Boom

In my hotel room

- Raped underage girls in his hotel rooms while touring or would book a hotel room to take underage girls to

I'm the teenage bloody dream

- ‘Bloody’ is he trying to be British or violent

- He isn’t a teen and also shouldn’t be encouraging teens to want to be with him

Everybody fuck me

- No

Getcha drink on

Take your clothes off

Let’s get down and dirty

- Normalising drunk sex

- Demeaning

Mad Rad Hair

- You mean wig

I'm fenny not a faggot!

- Slur

With extensions so thick

- It’s a wig not just extensions

You can suck my dick

- Oral sex fixation

So get in my chair

Let me pimp your hair

- Used cutting hair as a way to spend time with underage girls. Arrived at a time when the parents would have to go to work so he could be alone with the underage girl

- He couldn’t cut hair. He called himself Dahvie The Elite Hair God on MySpace but he had not talent. I would think it’s the same with makeup. During this time his makeup wasn’t very heavy. It was only when Jayy joined the band and the band was more successful that his makeup got more extreme since he could afford a makeup artist, and Jayy actually can do makeup.

Let’s get wasted super fucked

- Alcohol reference

My hair is better than yours

- IT’S A WIG!

So just fuck me on the dance floor

- Demanding

- Exhibitionist

Everybody gettin' tense

Feeling up my body

- Overly sexual

I love this filthy

Life to get CRUNK ALL NIGHT!