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ramblings-of-a-mad-cat · 2 years

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you know what i’m getting a little sick of seeing ppl complaining about this game pretty much all the time. like yeah it has a lot of flaws both in the storylines and sometimes design/graphics wise but it’s getting annoying seeing ppl be so negative

Oh god, this is reminding me of a post that I saw and ending up liking to "anchor" it so I could reblog it later. (Still need to do that.) That talked about this exact concept. About how, even if the criticisms of popular media are valid and constructive, and even if I actually agree with them...the endless bashing of the "bad" parts drowns out any other attempt to have a conversation about the good parts. HPHM is a pretty good example of this. Sure, it has it's problems, but the characters in this game are still phenomenal, and I think we shouldn't take it for granted that this game has a diverse cast of characters who are, by logic of the dating options, predominantly LGBT.

HPHM isn't the only example of this, though. Some of my top fandoms have become like this is in the last five years or so.

Doctor Who fans, you out there? I know, I know, you didn't like the Chibnall Era. But that's literally all anyone talks about. Some of us do like this era, and *insert Joker meme here* we're tired of pretending we don't. Especially since Jodie is the first woman Doctor. I'm not saying the criticisms are exclusively sexist, I'm saying I can't tell the sexist ones from the genuine complaints about the era and it's starting to exhaust me. In general, (and I've talked about this before) I think some of you are way too loyal to some imaginary legacy that you think was "ruined" by The Timeless Children...but this is Doctor Who, people. That same season completely un-wrote Gallifrey's return. The canon has always been at the whim of the current head writer. The Timeless Child is no different. It may or may not even last.

Game of Thrones fans...I mean this in the nicest way possible...but please, oh please, shut up about Season 8. I get it, no one liked the end of the show. That's understandable, that's valid. But the complaints are becoming overpowering, and this doesn't just impact discussion of S8. Most of the compliments toward the earlier seasons have now shifted focus to act as a comparison. If you're just talking about Season 4 to show me how good the show "used" to be, that's still being negative and that's equally draining. I can talk about what I don't like from S8, I can even go to town on it. But I acknowledge the good in that season as well. And even if you don't see the good, that's fine, but...there's only so many ways to say this before you're just repeating yourselves. You should also try to enjoy the earlier seasons without making it all about the show's "golden age." Just...every rewrite of this show that I see online gives is a happy ending, which it was never going to have. Ramsay even told us as much. This show's ending was always going to devastate us one way or the other.

I actually left the Star Wars fandom for this exact issue. I won't generalize, I know not everyone is this way, but it seems like damn near every single Star Wars fan with a voice has a hyper-specific interpretation of the Galaxy Far Far Away, and they get angry whenever anyone (official media and other fans alike) propose something that conflicts with their vision of this 'verse. Please, stop demonizing the sequels. I know they aren't perfect, but that point has been made. And stop trashing Rey, especially if you're romanticizing Luke and Anakin at the same time. I know I'll probably ignite a fire by saying this, but some of you treat Luke like he's a gift from God, and treat Rey as nothing more than a contemptible pretender. Star Wars protagonists have always been overpowered, guys. Again, I'm not saying everyone who does this is motivated by misogyny, but I can't tell the misogynists from the regular fans. Star Wars is a wonderful universe, and it achieved such a cult following that any follow-up was never going to please everyone. The prequels had the same problem when they first aired.

I was gonna talk about Harry Potter, but like...Rowling completely abandoned us and is now doing actual harm, so like...go ahead and trash her, I'm right here with you. Still, I think the same mindset applies here. Crimes of Grindelwald is not the "worst movie of all time," guys. Chill out. I have to admit that I kind of roll my eyes at the idea that the books were "always" terrible, and we just didn't see it until now. At the risk of being rude, my instinctive response to that is - grow up. Transphobic pieces of shit can also be really good writers. Admitting this doesn't mean I endorse Rowling as a person. Others have claimed that her bigotry is evident in the books, and I'm not knowledgeable enough about the various points that have been made to really critique them, but...I just don't see it. If anything, I think Rowling's past writing is proof that, at least at one time, she was on the right side. Which makes it all the more heartbreaking that she turned on us.

I love these stories and their fandoms, just...sometimes, being part of them is exhausting. Y'all should go watch CinemaWins. (Seriously, go watch Cinemawins, he's lovely.) If you feel this motivated to discuss the flaws of these particular stories...I've got news for ya. That means you're emotionally invested. So on some level, you're still enjoying yourself, right?

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redxblueihateloveyou · 3 years

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I'm surprised people see Tadashi as the victim in his relationship with Ainosuke, when it's Tadashi the one who time and time again takes away Ainosuke's agency, without being able to see that he is throwing him unto unhappiness. I can't help but think that if Tadashi was not working at Shindo's house, Ainosuke would have maybe left or broke with the family. But he can't do that if he wants the relationship with Tadashi going on, seing how Tadashi is set on enforcing the family rules...

Hmm.. I def agree with the fact that Tadashi is not what most fandom makes out of him, my man (I mean, Adam’s man) is a 100% Slytherin. But I disagree with blaming him for this, after all the revealed info. The environment they were both raised in made their situation complicated.

I like Tadashi a lot, he’s probably my fav thing about this anime, bc he’s a dark horse, and I’m once again surprised, that so little ppl see him for who he really is, portraying him as an innocent puppy, which he is definitely not.

Now to why I think both Tadashi and Adam are victims of the dad and aunties in this situation.

We can of course say “if only they told each other how they really feel...”, but like we can say it about any love story really. Every author knows it’s no fun. The truth is that yes, they both hurt each other, and yes, if they were honest about their feelings things would’ve been different, but as I’ve already wrote under that “toxic” commentary on YT, lets look at the whole situation from both of their point of views:

We know that Adam when he was little always treated Tadashi as an equal, he never ever thought of him as someone lower than him and after their fall out, the only reason for this “harsh” treatment (well, besides their confirmed kink) was that Adam tried to get a reaction out of him, so Tadashi would stand up for himself, bc Ainosuke got mad about Tadashi caving to his dad’s wishes and abandoning him, when he needed him the most.

But now, knowing the fact that Tadashi was his dad’s secretary and was under his control, let’s see it from his perspective: Tadashi wanted to stay by Adam’s side, Adam’s dad implied that if Tadashi did say smth, he’s gonna be.. well, dismissed and they won’t see each other ever again. That’s what caused Tadashi to stay silent in that moment. Ainosuke instead saw this as a “he’s not on my side” thing, well, because. Tadashi won’t tell him his problem, bc dad and aunties control everything, so even if he does tell him, what a teen would do really? He didn’t have any powers back then to make his dad do anything.

And that’s when it all gone to shit, since they both were hurt for their own reasons. It’s easy to say leave the family, but 1stly nobody explained to Adam still that he’s physically and psychologically abused by his family, he sees it as them “loving him” and sadly also loves them, bc nobody told him, that love wasn’t supposed to be like that really. He definitely feels that smth is not right and feels emotionally exhausted there bc of this treatment, but did he ever consider leaving? I really don’t think so. He feels obligated to be worthy of a family, who “loves” him.

Do you think, for example, that Akashi Seijuro hates his dad for what he did to him? No. Does he understand that he wasn’t at fault for what happened to him and that his dad instead of comforting his child after his mother’s death, who was his only safe haven, made everything worse? I don’t think he does. Like his mom gave him basketball, an escape from all that family’s obligations and strictness. After her death, it was the only thing left that brought him joy, but his dad ruined even that, saying that if he’s gonna be bad at it/lose, he’d take it away from him too. Does Akashi see this as emotional abuse? No, he sees it like “well, I have to be the best bc I was born in such powerful family, so if my dad says that I must be best at everything, then I must.”

I personally hate such parents a lot. To me it doesn’t matter if Adam’s dad didn’t know about aunties hitting his child. Like if he was too busy to notice this and have no time for his kid and made his childhood miserable, it doesn’t make it any better really.

Same as with Akashi’s dad. Some are like “he was probably also grieving about his wife”. Emm? He was like this from the beginning, bc he treated Akashi not as his son, but as his heir. And yes, that’s different things. Same with Endeavor and Todoroki. Your child is not your post production thing.

2ndly they were too young, even if they knew about each others feelings and he didn’t feel obligated and told everyone to fuck off, they’d be on the streets now, but also Adam’s dad doesn’t seem like a guy who’d leave them alone really. Also eloping seems very romantic, but I don’t think it is, esp when you’re teens. Did you want him to sell some expensive watch and go live on Hawaii or smth? Bc finding a decent job there would be difficult at this age, esp with everyone knowing who your dad is. Chen Ke from “Antidote” survived bc he was 27 and had connections and some great friends. Adam was in high school, where would he go exactly?

Now let’s go back to now. Obviously all this time it didn’t even cross Tadashi’s mind that for Ainosuke he comes first and that he would throw everyone under the bus to make Tadashi stay with him. As we see at the end, he legit believed that Adam was planning to send him to jail and didn’t get that he said it just to shaken he up and that he knew who he’d set up for this from the beginning.

To Adam obviously it doesn’t matter whether they’re in a quarrel or not, he would never him go. Yes, he’s mad at him, he’s angry and hurt, but Tadashi’s still the person he needs the most, he’s still the person who brightens his days, even tho he deliberately behaves like he annoys him. He always looks at him and looks at him and looks at him, but then hisses smth to hurt him. Bc he knows that he needs him, but he also hates that he needs him, bc he thinks it’s unrequited.

And that’s how their classic romance goes in hellish circles. No one wants to talk as usual. Adam is mad Tadashi is like that bc his dad turned him into a slave with no opinion, while Tadashi is scared that Adam would be taken away from him bc of his ugly family.

Now I still think that no one and I mean no one can take Tadashi from Adam now, he is his precious. So my plan is... if Tadashi made aunties do smth against him or to get rid of him, aunties will go for sure. The problem is Tadashi still doesn’t get that he comes first, so we’re stuck in this hell still.

So anyways, my point is Adam’s heart basically sings “you got a hold of me, don’t even know your power” to Tadashi, but he doesn’t hear it, bc of his insecurities, the way he was raised and his status. But yes, he holds all the power. He’s both Adam’s sanity and insanity. No matter how cheesy it sounds he was basically his only ray of sunshine in the darkness, if you take it away, that’s what it leads to, that’s why Ainosuke-sama needs more ppl who care for him. I don’t want anyone to die next time, just cause Tadashi and Adam fought about where to put their new couch lmao. I’m kidding, but you know what I mean. And kill the aunties, pls seriously, we need to be free.

Also ppl need to remember that like lots of animes/characters are parcially inspired by some other animes/characters, also the chosen seiyuus are also very important, there are lots of stuff like jokes and references, that creators use, from characters being fully inspired by smth like “Assassination classroom” characters based on KNB, to little stuff like Levi dressed in Akashi’s uniform in chibi AOT bc Hiroshi Kamiya. Utsumi already said before stuff like she sometimes think of a perfect voice for the character and then fully forms him, we also know her clear love for sports animes. So yes, I doubt Tadashi/Kuroko thing is a coincidence and even tho someone was like “zone? is this knb or smth?” I was like no, zone is actually a common thing in sports, even tho most associate it with KNB including me, it’s not like its their invention, but there were things inspired by this for sure, and from other sports animes too and no, I don’t mean the basic sports anime tropes, I mean, like way too specific things, some character designes, too. And yes, Langa appearence and personality wise is a rinharu child for real, I can literally split his scenes in “that’s Haru”, “that’s Rin”.

That’s why I’ve said that this situation in fandom reminds me of Kuroko/Akashi situation a lot, bc same as here in KNB ppl for some reason automatically thought that Kuroko is this innocent sheep and Akashi is the wolf (but also like it was Akashi who chose to dress as red riding hood, while Kuroko was a wolf lmao), not even seeing who is in reality more dangerous and who can easily control who. It just buffles me bc it’s not some deep analisys really. I mean once again there’s a reason for the saying that the sub holds all the power over the dom.

And like just bc someone yells or threatens ppl constantly doesn’t necessarily mean he is a psycopatic killer, and just bc someone is quiet and doe-eyed, doesn’t mean he isn’t. I didn’t think we needed to explain this to someone, but aparently we do?

And it honestly kills me just how superficially ppl are watching things these days. It really gives me war flashbacks to stuff like the last mdzs s1 episode, where ppl started to comment things like “how LZ can be so heartless” lmao. Or that anonymous ask “do you think haru misses rin?”. Like you don’t see thing at all? Grey substance no needed, while watching things?

P.S. I also would die to see Adam vs Tadashi race just bc I for some reason can bet all my money, that it’s the same situation as with Akashi refusing to ankle break Kuroko, no matter how mad he is. I just can’t imagine Ainosuke hitting Tadashi in the face with a board. Like 100% sure he wouldn’t even try tbh.

#answered #anonymous #tadaai #tadashi kikuchi #shindo ainosuke #adam x tadashi #sk8 #sk8 the infinity #anime #this is what i think about these two at least

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one-boring-person · 4 years

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Could you do a poly with all the boys being secret admirers(?) leaving lil hints and gifts at the SO house because they don’t know how to flirt without scaring ppl and don’t want to scare her and Paul gets caught placing a gift at her door cause he’s a dummy (sorry this is so odd!)

It's not odd, don't worry! I had fun writing this!💛💛💛 I hope you like it!!

You?

The Lost Boys x reader

Warnings: none

Masterlist

At first, I wasn't sure what to think. A small box of chocolates turned up one day outside my door, no note attached, no real hints as to the gifter's identity, a single rose appearing the next day in a similar state. I ignored them both, thinking nothing of it until more and more gifts started appearing, around two or three a week, each of them different to the last. Mentioning it to my friends, I decided I needed to tell someone, worried as to what might be happening, and whether or not I should trust the trinkets appearing on my doorstep, only feeling a little reassured when one or two bring up the thought of me having a stalker, the others all laughing it off, telling me it's probably some boy from the Boardwalk trying to subtly give away his feelings for me. None of this made me feel any better.

That same night, the first note appeared.

Written in sprawling, yet neat, cursive, the note read a little like a poem, or riddle, remaining completely ambiguous as I tried to use all the previously useless analytical skills I learned in high school English lessons to figure out what it meant, only to be left completely in the dark. Even the signature was a mystery: four little dots, alternating between filled in and left empty, giving no real implication of the writer's true identity. Surprisingly, the paper itself is expensive and more akin to vellum than the usual printer paper that I'd expect, implying that the writer must be a particularly well off person, especially since the handwriting is done in smooth, red ink. The colour surprised me at first, but I soon chalked it down to some ridiculous romantic idea.

More and more notes turned up, all of them written in what appears to be four different hands, one scrawling, one neat, one looping and the last more childlike in style, as if different people wrote them. Thinking this to be another strange tactic of sorts, I continue to gather the slips of paper, piling them in a small box under my bed, finding their messages of admiration and longing endearing and strangely comforting, happy to know someone out there feels strongly enough about me to write to me, though there is always a nagging feeling that it's little creepy.

As time wore on, i received many more gifts, ranging from earrings to chocolates to books. At times, I feel entirely sure of the person being a stalker, especially when specific things I've been meaning to buy turn up, like the beautiful necklace I spotted on the Boardwalk, which was conveniently slipped into my postbox the next day, accompanied by a note in neat cursive stating that they thought it would "look much better on [me] than on the stall table top".

To say I'm curious is an understatement. I've been trying for months to catch them out, coming home earlier from work, or dropping into the house between visits to the Boardwalk, constantly keeping an eye open for people on the streets, though I never see anything, which just perplexes me further. I ask around the neighbours, but they only tell me what I know: gifts materialize on my porch, apparently on their own without any human aid. Later that night, another note accompanying an earring is slipped through the door explaining to me that they'd reveal themselves when they were ready, though it spoke in a plural sense, as if talking about multiple people, which can't be the case, even though it would explain the different handwriting. One night in the following days, the note comes littered with little droplets of crimson liquid which smelt like iron, reminding me grimly of blood - the gift with this one is a band patch, which I hesitantly sew onto my coat the same day, hoping that it comes from a decent person.

Tonight, I come home expecting there to be nothing (a box of sweets was left for me the night before), trekking slowly down the road in an exhausted silence, having worked a long day with rather irritating colleagues, not really paying much attention to the surroundings until I reach my house. At this point, I reach into my pocket and pull out my keys, jangling them slightly as I look up again, freezing in place at what I'm seeing.

A tall man is bent over my doorstep, his body tensing as he hears me reach the drive, his face snapping round fearfully as he does so, figure straightening in seconds when he spots me. Vaguely, I can see a dark shape at his feet, instantly revealing his identity to me, a burst of curiosity and interest sparking to life within me, drawing me to observe his face in the pale cast of the streetlights, marvelling at the bright blue eyes that stare at me from under a mop of blonde hair, lips parted slightly in surprise as he looks me over, his identity finally falling in place - one of Santa Carla's mischievous biker gang.

"You?" Is all I manage, eyes widening as he takes a step forwards, eyes remaining locked with mine as he starts edging around me, his countenance betraying his sudden discomfort. Frozen in confusion and curiosity, it's all I can do to watch him make his way around me and to the main road, where he starts running away, long legs carrying him away from me with ease, leaving me feeling utterly bewildered.

After a few more minutes, I move over to the door, grabbing the gift as I step inside, still reeling a little from what just happened. Opening the small box, I look inside to see a small silver pin badge in the shape of a tiny bat, it's eyes made up of miniscule rubies that flicker slightly in the dim light of my hallway, the detail on it precise and accurate. A note is attached to the pin, which I pull away to open up and read, taking note of the handwriting - the more childlike style. Reading through it, I smile before pinning the badge onto my coat, replaying the written words in my head as I do so:

Wear this and we'll know you're ready to talk with us. If we see it on your jacket, we'll come over to you,

•°•°

I shift slightly on my feet as I lean back against the wall of parting the beach from the Boardwalk, biting at my nails as I do so, my coat pulled tightly around my shoulders, not really doing much except for expressing my intentions and wishes to my secret admirer. The bat sits well amongst my other pin badges and brooches, the blood-red eyes glittering in the lights coming from some lit fire barrels a little way away, giving the metal creature a more life-like appearance, despite its size. In addition to this, I also wear some of the other gifts: an earring with a loop of leather pushed through it, a bracelet of twisted strands and beads and a chain necklace from a few weeks back. In my haste to impress my admirer, I forgot to sort out some form of back up plan in case something goes wrong, though I highly doubt it will.

A low chuckle interrupts my thoughts, my eyes instantly drawn to the platinum figure before me, scrutinizing his incredibly handsome features briefly before realising exactly who it is. A quick flick behind him shows me that the other three are there, too, including the one I believe to be my secret admirer. Wary of them, I shuffle uncomfortably as I wait for them to make some sort of comment.

"C-can I help you?" I question them, cursing the involuntary stutter in my words.

"You wanted to meet us, didn't you?" The leader returns, lifting an eyebrow as he speaks, his smooth voice resonating pleasantly in my ears.

"I don't remember telling you guys that." I say, not quite grasping what's going on.

"You're wearing the bat, which means you want to meet with us." The shorter blonde butts in, gesturing to the pin on my coat.

I look down at it briefly, my eyes widening as I suddenly understand what is being implied.

"Hold on, all four of you are my secret admirers?!"

"Yep." The taller blonde confirms, reaching over to shake my hand with a smile, "I'm Paul."

The shorter blonde offers me his hand next, smiling happily at me with large doe eyes.

"I'm Marko."

The tall, dark haired one steps forwards, lifting my hand to press his lips against it in greeting.

"Dwayne." He supplies quietly, eyes betraying his excitement and joy.

"And you can call me David." The leader adds, slinging an arm around my shoulders with a confidence I've never seen from someone shy enough to send letters instead of directly asking me out.

"Right, well, I'm (Y/n)." I murmur, feeling a little overwhelmed.

"We know." The blonde smirks, leading me away.

#the lost boys #joel schumacher #vampire #david(thelostboys)#kiefer sutherland #paul(the lost boys)#dwayne(the lost boys)#santa carla #marko(the lost boys)#star(the lost boys)

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normal-thoughts-official · 3 years

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Fandom racism anon here and yeah absolutely (I didn't realise I had anon on lol)

Because while LOTR has problems within its themes (ie the orcs can be seen as to be coded as people of colour, especially since they ride elephants) the explicit message of the book is evil bad

Because the only people who work for sauron are evil. There are no morally grey people, they aren't misguided or tricked they just are evil and want to take over the world

And yeah I totally agree that this is more of a literal take on like empirical war (is that the word) and that makes total sense considering Tolkiens history

Whereas I would say that the allegories in shaowhunters is way more based on racial conflict within a country itself especially slavery, I can't remember if this is show Canon but is it that they have the warlock tropheys? I remember that in the books magnus talks about shadowhunters hanging warlock marks on their walls? (sorry to bring the books up)

Idk it's very hollow to me, unlike with LOTR though it's a different allegory it's totally irritating to show many of these supremecists as morally misled. LOTR says bad guys are bad guys, shadowhunters says well yeah they did follow a guy which thinks that downworlders are subhuman and should be eradicated but they just made a mistake

I want to compare this to tfatws which while it isn't really fantasy I just feel like it shows how the priorities of the writer can impact the message of the show so powerfully (I know u aren't up to date so I'm gonna be pretty vague)

There's a scene in tfatws where the new white perfect captain America does something bad and doesn't pay for the consequences - done to comment on white privelege and how America condones white supremacy and how Sam is in comparison to that

Mayrse and Robert revealed to be part of the circle! And paid no consequences Shock horror my parents were the bad guys (even rho they were either implicitly or explicitly extremely racist the entire time) also I haven't finished the seires but do the lightwoods ever try to get their parents to face the consequences?)

Only one actual really critiques the situation and the reality behind it whereas the other one is just to centre the white characters once again and present them in a further sympathetic light

AND ANOTHER THING! I was mostly talking about show Canon here and I'm sorry to bring up the books but I literally can't believe I hadn't picked up in this before.

So like downworlders = people of colour, Simon is a vampire so is coded as a person of colour. However in the books in the last one he stops being a vampire and becomes a shadowhunters instead, coincidentally that's also when he starts dating Izzy HOW IS THIS ABLE TO HAPPEN!!????

I mean I know cassandra clare is lazy right? The original seires is by far the worst of all her writings but come ON!!!!! By the allegory has he become the white man!????? These books made no fuckin sense when I read them at 15 and they make no sense now I'm digressing anyways

I don't know man I wrote this ask because I was trying to find some fantasy book recommendations on booktube and SO MANY of them were about slavery or general ly extrême préjudice with à White protagonist to save this 'poor souls'.

Also I was watching guardians of the galexy the other day and realised nearly every movie set in space is just bigger stakes imperialism - planets instead of countries. Literally star wars, star trek, guardians of the galexy 2, avengers infinity war - all are facing genocidal imperialistic villains without actually paying much, if any attention to those effected

Just writing this ask made me exhausted I'm so tired of lazy writing and exploiting other people's struggle. I'm white and I'm trying to be more critical about the movies, shows and books I watch and read but let me know if I said something off here❤️❤️ you gotta get up to date with tfatws man, Sambucky nation is THRIVING!!!!

i'm not sure i agree that the whole "the evil people are evil" thing is a good thing, because i feel like more often than not making the bad characters just like... unidimensionally evil just means that the reader will be like "lol i could NEVER be that guy" and when it comes to racism that is a dangerous road to take because white people already believe that racism is something that Only The Most Evil People, Ergo, Not Me, Can Do, which makes discussions of stuff like subconscious racial bias and active antiracist work become more difficult because people don't believe they CAN be racist unless they're like, Lord Voldemort

which is not to say that racism should be treated as morally ambiguous, just that the workings of racism should be represented as something that is not done only by the Most Hardcore And Evil, but rather as a part of a system of oppression that affects the way everyone sees the world and interacts with it and lives in it

yes the warlock trophies are mentioned in the show, albeit very quickly (there is a circle member who tells magnus that his cat eyes will make "a nice addition to his collection" and then it's never mentioned again because this is sh and we love using racism for shock value but then not actually treating it as a serious plot point or something that affects oppressed ppl). and you are absolutely right, shadowhunters (and hp, and most fantasy books) has genocide as its core conflict and treats it, like you said, in a very hollow way, treating racism as both not a big deal and not something that is part of a system of oppression, but really the actions of a few Very Bad People. it's almost impressive how they manage to do both at the same time tbh

i think you hit the nail right on the head with this comment, actually. for most of these works, racism is SHOCK VALUE. it's just like "lol isn't it bad that this bad guy wants to kill a gazillion people just because they are muggles? now that is fucked up" but it's not actually an issue. in fact, when this guy is defeated, the whole problem is over! racism is not something that is embedded into that world, it's not a systemic issue, it's not even actually part of what drives the plot. the things that led to this person not only existing but rising to power and gathering enough followers to be a real threat to the whole world are never mentioned. it's like racists are born out of thin air, which is dangerously close to implying that racism is just a natural part of life, tbh

anyway my point is, it is never supposed to be questioned, it is never part of a deeper plot or story, its implications are barely addressed except for a few fleeting comments them and there; so, it's not a critique, it's shock value, even though it is frequently disguised as a critique (which is always empty and shallow anyway. like what is the REAL critique in works like hp or sh/tsc other than "genocide is bad"? wow such a groundbreaking take evelyn)

about simon and the book thing: i actually knew about this and the weird thing about this is that, like... simon is jewish, and he's implied to be ashkenazi (calls his grandma bubbe which is yiddish, which is a language spoken by the ashkenazi ppl), and it seems like cc is always toeing the line between him being accepted by shadowhunters and then not accepted by them, which sounds a lot like antisemitic tropes and history of swinging between (ashkenazi) jewish ppl being seen as the model minority myth and thus used as an example by white christians, and being hated and persecuted. i'm not super qualified to talk about this since i'm not jewish and i'm still learning about/unlearning antisemitism and its tropes, and i don't really have a fully formed thought on that, tbh; it just reminds me of the whole "model minority" swinging, where one second simon is part of the majority, the other he's not, but always he is supposed to give up a part of himself and his identity in other to be "assimilated" by shadowhunter culture. this article (link) covers a book on jewish people and assimilationism into USan culture, this article (link) covers british jews' relationship with being considered an ethnic group, and this article (link) talks a bit about the model minority myth from the perspective of an asian jewish woman

it just really calls to my attention that cc chose to make her ashkenazi jewish character start off as a downworlder and then become a shadowhunter. i don't think she made that decision as a conscious nod to this history, because it would require being informed on antisemitism lol but it's incredible how you can always see bigoted stereotypes shining through her narrative choices completely by accident. it just really shows how ingrained it is in our collective minds and culture

and anyway, making a character go from the oppressed group to just suddenly become the oppressor is just. wtf. not how oppression works, but most of all, really disrespectful, especially because she clearly treats it as an "upgrade"/"glowup" that earns him the Love Of His Life

also, out of curiosity, are you french? it seems like your autocorrect changed a few words and i'm pretty sure extrême and préjudice are the french versions of these words, and since u said ur white, that's where my money would be lol

#anti cc #anti tsc #anti tmi #anti sh #racism tw #antisemitism tw #reference #ask #residenthottiesamwilson

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randomoranges · 3 years

Text

sometimes my life is an actual sitcom. i wish i could say i made this stuff up, but now, i legit met a guy while selling a shoe rack who came back to chat me up post sale bcs he thought i was pretty. he then proceeded to tell me a million times in one hr and has since been very over the top about being into me. as much as it’s nice to have attention u also gotta pace yourself. hes so over the top it’s ridiculous and also getting more annoying.

also never fucking send ppl semi nude photos unprompted wtf is wrong with yall.

anyways i live vicariously through teacher au and use real life shit to put the characters through the same thing. today i vibed with edward.

this takes place before he and étienne are together

this is a blurb. i just needed to get a thought out of my system

edwards answers are legit what i wrote

the gag of all of edwards exes having names that start with c continues XD

Unsolicited

Edward knows he technically shouldn’t, but he’s bored at work and for once, the kids are actually quietly doing their own thing. He decides against his better judgement to open Facebook and scroll aimlessly for a moment or two, while time goes on. It’ll give him a chance to see what exciting lives the rest of his friends are living and envy those who aren’t stuck at work.

He quickly notices a red little number up on the top right corner to signal that he has one unopened conversation and for a moment, he wonders which of his friends would have messaged him. There hadn’t really been any ongoing chats at the moment, so he’s pleasantly surprised and looking forward to hearing from his friends.

He’s only a little disappointed when he sees that it’s not from any of his friends, but instead from a guy he’d met just last Friday in the most strangest of ways. (His friend had hosted a garage sale and had asked for help. Edward had gone. He’d brought along some of his own stuff. This one man – Charles – had bought his old wooden shoe rack. Charles had chatted Edward up. They’d exchanged contact information and had more or less chatted since then. It was a strange way to meet someone – but, not the strangest.)

Charles is – cute and they had a pleasant chat. Edward certainly hadn’t minded the attention, even if it had come from out of nowhere. He’d been looking forward to meeting up with him again, but as the days had gone on and their conversations had progressed, he’d found himself slowly losing a bit of interest over Charles’ over-eagerness.

There were just so many times Charles could say he thought Edward was attractive in an hour before it got redundant and annoying.

Edward was flattered Charles was interested in him, but Edward didn’t want to rush this either. He’d just gotten out of a serious relationship and with the end of the school year looming close, he had other things to deal with. Once summer break arrived, he would have more time and more energy. In the meantime, however, he didn’t need this stranger he barely knew to wax poetics and tell him he wished to wake up beside him to see how he woke up – or whatever garbage he’d been told. Edward was willing to give this a go, but he wasn’t looking to settle down and get married with Charles after knowing him for three days and it quite honestly felt as though Charles had already booked their venue at times.

He was – over the top and intense. Edward had appreciated the fact that Charles had told him he’d found him attractive when he’d first seen him and he liked that he had actually returned to chat him up. It had been a little weird when Charles had called him his beloved and stranger still when he’d apologised from taking up his time and keeping him away from his friends when they’d talked that first time, but Edward had let it slide and had almost found it charming – in its own bizarre way.

Now, it feels as though Charles is trying too hard, when really he doesn’t have to. Edward thought he was attractive, had even told him so and was more than willing to see where this would lead. but if However, if Charles doesn’t slow down, Edward will back out and move on. (Which reminds him – there’d been that whole other conversation where Charles had told him that he looked forward to living their lives together and that he didn’t want to lose him. To which Edward had politely told him that it would be best to get to know each other first.)

Edward wants some fun – not some intense long-term lovey-dovey besotted nonsense. At least – not after three days of talking with the man.

Still, he opens the conversation, curiosity, and boredom getting the best of him, and at first, it’s nice, until Charles asks him if he could have a photo. Edward lets out a long-suffering sigh and is glad his students are too busy with their work to notice.

Charles has asked to send him a photo right now, of all things.

Edward is so not in the mood for any of this.

“No. I’m in class teaching. My students are taking a test.” He writes out. He doesn’t care if he comes across as annoyed, but this man is being irksome in his own infatuated way and it’s – pathetic. He likes the attention, to a degree, he enjoys feeling wanted, but Charles needs to calm down his ardours.

He leaves it at that and doesn’t bother with Charles for the rest of the day.

By the time Edward’s done, he heads to his car and figures he’ll check again to see if he’s gotten a new message. There is still part of him that is curious about this whole ordeal and so he’s a little bit pleased when he sees that Charles has sent him a few messages after their last chat.

He’s less enthused when he gets to the last one.

The first was in regards to the whole photo debacle, saying maybe next time. The second mentioned that he was going for a jog. And the last message – the kicker really, was a photo Charles had sent of himself, shirtless and thankfully from the waist up.

And to think Edward had nearly sent him a post-work exhausted face selfie for the fun of it.

He grumbles, puts his phone away, and figures he’ll deal with it when he gets home.

It’s not that he necessarily minded the photo – he did find the guy attractive to a point, but – it had been unprompted. Unsolicited. He hadn’t asked for a photo. He hadn’t been expecting a shirtless photo. He wasn’t in the current mood to receive such a photo. He could have been at school on break and gotten this photo.

He’s angry and annoyed by the time he gets home.

Edward putters around and leaves Charles on read. It’s one thing going after sex and expecting these photos and it’s another to get them out of the blues. He lets his friends know of this debacle and relishes in their reactions. He’s glad someone gets it.

Finally, after making dinner, playing a few rounds of video games, taking a shower, getting his lunch ready for the following day, and having a nice chat with his friends, he decides to answer Charles.

“Even if a photo of a woman, man, or person shirtless may be nice to receive, it’s always better to send it with consent and with fair warning. Especially when you’re not expecting one and that with my work, there are often children nearby.”

He doesn’t expect an answer so quickly, especially since it’s been five hours since the photo was sent, but Charles, true to form, answers. Edward laughs out loud when he reads how very sorry Charles is and how he genuinely thought Edward would appreciate it. Edward sighs again and groans, passing a hand through his hair.

He tries to find a polite way of trying to get this man to understand and he’s only a little surprised by how easily the words come to him, “There’s a time and place for everything. You don’t send these types of photos willy-nilly whenever you feel like it. There’s context, time, mood, etc. Consent and fair-warning. Imagine you were sitting with your family, friends, or kids and you received such a photo without warning. You can’t assume that the person on the other side is in an appropriate setting to receive these types of messages and images without checking beforehand.”

It’s at times like these he wishes men could be less – like this. He likes a good shirtless photo just like anyone else who’s into men, but he hates that this seems to be a norm. And at least this was only a shirtless photo! He doesn’t want to think of the number of times when he was having a nice conversation about literally anything unrelated to the human body, only to find himself with a photo of a man’s junk, completely unprompted.

Sometimes, he almost wishes he were into women just to be spared this.

Edward figures he’s given Charles enough etiquette lessons for the night and puts his phone away. He pulls up something decent to watch on television and does his best to forget about the incident for now. If anything, he reminds himself, he doesn’t need to commit to anything with this besotted Romeo.

FIN

#teacher au #pc: edmonton #edward murphy #au #fic

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fox-steward · 4 years

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hi, not sure if this blog is active bc im on mobile but you seem v knowledgeable so i hope you are. i have a question if thats ok. ive been id'ing as ftm trans/nb for about 6 years now but havent rlly been able to come out to many ppl or transition at all so im still largely presenting as female. i wouldnt rlly call myself gender critical or anything like that, but i know transitioning is a long & difficult process and im wondering if there is a way to alleviate my dysphoria without going (1/2)

“thru all that. i dont want to transition only to realize that i dont feel better and there was an easier way. in other words, id like to rule out any possibility that im not trans before medically investing in being trans. any chance you have any advice for me? (2/2)”

hey there—still active, if sporadic.

when it comes to healing from dysphoria, there’s no cure-all, no hidden path to healing that you’ve simply yet to uncover. just as there’s no way to guarantee transition will make you happy, there’s no opposite guarantee either. i can only share some of the stuff that has worked for me and some of the hardships i uncovered about living as trans, which i hope you find helpful.

what helps me?

get clear with yourself about what you believe about gender, ideologically. i personally feel, if my beliefs do not stand up to critical thought, if they cannot be supported by rational arguments, then those beliefs are not worth holding on to and i need to let them go. this is what happened to me WRT transness, gender, and all that.

start small—what is gender? is gender innate? do we have gendered souls? how could we have gendered souls if gender is a social construct? okay, so we can’t have gendered souls, so what is gender, if not innate? is gender the social expectations and norms attached to the two sexes? is it possible to break those roles and expectations? does breaking those roles and expectations change anyone’s sex? no—males can behave in typically feminine ways and females in typically masculine ways and that does nothing to change their sex. so what would conceivably make someone (or myself) trans? inhabiting the social roles and expectations of the gender associated with the opposite sex. since we already established that gender isn’t innate and we don’t have gendered souls, there’s no merit in the “born in the wrong body” narrative; it is not possible to be born in the wrong body. we each get one body, no matter how we change it. but if i wasn’t born in the wrong body, why do i feel so uncomfortable with mine, especially with the sexed aspects of it? if you’re female, the likely culprit is misogyny. you don’t actually have to hate women on a conscious level to be suffering from internalized misogyny. we live in a misogynistic world, it saturates everything. if you’re female, it affects almost every factor of how you move through this world—how people treat you, what opportunities you’re given, which behaviors are encouraged for you and which are discouraged, etc. if you are inclined to prefer masculinity—for whatever reason—society will encourage this in males and discourage it in females. having your way of being subtly discouraged all the time can easily lead to feeling disconnected from your body, perhaps even hating it, especially since you know that your way of being would be ENCOURAGED if only your body were male. and that’s when many of us encounter trans ideology that tells us we CAN be male—in fact, we actually were all along! all we have to do is change our bodies drastically with lifelong medication and surgery, all we have to do is trade money and time and health to convincingly imitate the opposite sex—THEN society will finally recognize that our way of being is okay—because we were actually masculine MEN all along, it was simply our female bodies obscuring that. does this feel like a good or healthy trade to you? it doesn’t to me, but i can’t make these decisions for you.

there IS an important caveat, a shortcut that bypasses this bad trade entirely—and that’s realizing that your way of being is ALREADY okay. masculine females and feminine males are healthy and good. it’s not always easy to comfortably BE that way in a society that does not embrace masculinity in women and femininity in men, but the solution is not to change your self, it’s to change the society. and the only way you can do that is by carving out that path—BE a masculine female/woman and you’ll show little girls today that there’s a place for them in this world.

i did try out the trade for myself, however, and i learned a few things you might find useful—maybe these lessons i learned can save you the time and money and pain i’ve already spent.

1) you never actually change sex. you’re always chasing the aesthetic imitation of the opposite sex with transition, but never becoming the opposite sex. in this and so many other ways, transition never ends.

2) passing is conditional. when your sense of self is predicated upon others seeing you a certain way, it can be taken from you in a second. i could be treated like one of the guys for a year, until one of them finds out i was born female. now that he knows, he cannot unknow. now my experience is tied to how he sees me—does he see me as a woman now that he knows? is he comfortable with me in the locker room? it was stressful and uncomfortable for others to have this level of control over my experience of the world and of myself. it’s also out of my control whether he decides to lend manhood to me now—will he use male pronouns with me? will he call me a woman? will he out me to the others? will he sexualize me or sexually assault me based on my female body?

3) as stated above, transition never ends. no matter how well you pass, transition always requires maintenance. you’ll need bloodwork as long as you’re on hormones—that’s time and money you wouldn’t have otherwise spent. you’ll need supplies for your hormone shots—time and money you wouldn’t have spent. there will be instances where you need to disclose your trans status, thus repeating the coming out process infinitely—doctors or EMTs, new intimate partners, friends. this process is exhausting and othering, it’s an ever-present reminder of the fact that you’re trans.

4) medical transition is expensive in terms of money and heath. taking hormones is always a risk. there’s potential for: cardiovascular risk associated with testosterone, vaginal atrophy and sexual side effects, changes to mood (some for the better, some worse), not liking how hormones change your body. then there’s the financial aspect. in the USA at least, this costs money—money for doctor’s visits, money for the hormones themselves, money for the supplies to administer them. there’s risk in any surgery—risk of death or serious complication, loss of function and sensation, improper healing, chronic pain. and of course, the monetary cost associated with surgery. removing the uterus can have lifelong consequences—early onset dimentia, lifelong need for synthetic hormones, osteoporosis.

5) there is no “actually trans.” there’s no meaningful distinction between “true trans” people and others. trans people transition and identify as trans. their dysphoria isn’t any different than mine was. there’s no method for parsing “real dysphoria” from something else. transness is an ideology. i liken it to religion. there are no “real christians” and fake christians, there are only people who believe and those who don’t. that’s the salient difference between myself (detransitioner) and trans people—belief. and if something requires me to believe in it to be real...well that’s a good indication it probably isn’t.

good luck out there. these are heavy questions and weighty struggles. there’s no harm in focusing on other aspects of your life when you’re having trouble answering Big Gender Questions. rooting for you.

#detrans #detransition #radfem #radical feminism #transgender #ftm #non binary #just talkin #gender #asked #answered #anon

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cheshiresense · 5 years

Note

In the spirit of OC appreciation Ichigo/ koyonagi from your SP!AU? Thank you for writing such lovely stories cross!

Hmm I’ll try to keep this short because I actually want to write Koyonagi/Ichigo for OC Day, and it’ll likely take place in the SP ’verse. But here’s a few hcs I’ve considered.

Edit: what is this short ppl speak of

I mean at least it’s shorter?

1. Even after Ichigo graduates and moves into his own little apartment, they continue meeting up. Not at first. Actually Ichigo’s the one who starts it. It’s been a month, and Koyonagi hasn’t randomly shown up at his door mooching food off him and pissing him off, and from long experience, Ichigo gets worried because not seeing one of the people he cares about for a while usually means they’ve either been kidnapped or they’re Up To Some Shit And Are In Way Over Their Head. So one day after work, he storms back over to the Academy, already halfway convinced that Koyonagi won’t even be there and someone’s going to tell him he’s laid out at the Fourth or something.

But no, Ichigo tracks Koyonagi down right to his office, and when he barges in, the inconsiderate asshole is sitting at his desk like everything’s normal and he’s even grading papers. Ichigo’s stunned. Koyonagi stares back at him, eyebrows raised in a way that somehow translates to equal parts perplexity, amusement, and mockery.

“Ichi-chan!” Koyonagi says, and Ichigo already wants to kill him. “My favourite ex-student! What a surprise! And here I thought you would be too busy taking the Gotei by storm to come see little old me again.” He cocks his head. “Did you need something?”

Ichigo glares, bristling with irritation, mostly because he’d clearly worried for nothing. “I don’t need anything from you!” He snaps. “But I haven’t seen you around at all! What’s wrong with you? I usually can’t turn around without you sticking your nose into my business, and suddenly you drop off the face of the planet? I thought something had happened!”

There’s a long moment of silence after that. Koyonagi’s face is now completely void of expression aside from the smile still frozen on his lips, and somehow, Ichigo gets the feeling that he’s actually managed to surprise him for the first time since they met.

It doesn’t last. Koyonagi blinks, his expression smooths over, and then he beams so obnoxiously even Ichigo’s instinctive urge to punch him is overridden by how fake it is. “Why, Ichi-chan! I had no idea you missed my lessons so much! Did I manage to instill so strong a love of Kidou in you that you just couldn’t wait to-”

“Shut up,” Ichigo sighs, already exhausted, because Koyonagi in this moment reminds him of nothing so much as he does of Kisuke when someone accidentally dredged up feelings in him that he couldn’t handle, and why are all of Ichigo’s closest acquaintances such fucking basket-cases in the emotional stability department? He sighs again and debates internally with himself for a moment, because he just knows Koyonagi will mock him for this too, but on the other hand, it’ll save him some trouble and a lot of anxiety, and that wins out in the end.

“You know where I live,” Ichigo says abruptly, because if Koyonagi doesn’t know, he’ll eat his Zanpakutou. “And yeah, my Kidou still sucks. So come by whenever and you can teach me and I can feed you, and that way I won’t have to worry you’ve pissed off the wrong person and gotten yourself killed or worse.” He scowls. “Don’t think I won’t come back and drag you home myself if you don’t visit on your own, understand?”

Koyonagi just sort of… stares some more. Then he smirks in a way that’s more a pull of his facial muscles than anything else, and Ichigo braces himself, “I take it back - I had no idea you cared so much.” He sighs dramatically. “Well I suppose, for your peace of mind, I must swing by sometime soon. Can’t have my favourite ex-student pining away in his apartment for me when I can soothe your paranoia.”

He pauses, and this time it’s Ichigo who’s taken off-guard when Koyonagi lets the mockery fade, replaced by something unreadable and distant and almost angry. The edges of his reiatsu flicker like serpents’ tongues against Ichigo’s own, and when he speaks, there isn’t any trace of his usual silver-tongued whimsy in his voice. “You shouldn’t care so much, Ichigo. It’s bad for your health.”

Ichigo’s eyes narrow, and he remembers the stiff way Kaien tends to carry himself around Koyonagi, the way the other teachers avoid this man when they can help it, the way he’s always sensed something dangerous - a threat that goes far beyond the petty cruelty and playful sadism he has no qualms showing, a threat that sometimes puts even Ichigo on edge, especially when they spar, when the bite of his Zanpakutou feels like serrated teeth in flesh - lurking behind Koyonagi’s civilized mien, like insanity and rage trapped in a cage that bends a little more each day.

Fucking basket-cases, all of them. Kuukaku once said his charisma drew in colourful personalities. Shinji told him his leniency put more knives at his back than he would know what to do with one day.

Ichigo scoffs, loudly, and turns to leave. “Fuck off. I’ll do what I want. Come by on Saturday. I’m making katsudon.”

He stalks out after that. He doesn’t look back, but as he crosses the front courtyard and out the gates, he can feel Koyonagi’s gaze burning into his back.

Ichigo’s never been as afraid of things that can kill him as he probably should be anyway.

2. The first time Ichigo brings Koyonagi to a Shiba-hosted party, there’s an awkwardly tense moment of silence as all the Shinigami in the compound give Koyonagi suspicious looks. Koyonagi just smiles away like nothing’s wrong but even Ichigo can sense the tension, and he knows by now that there’s something going on with Koyonagi - it’s not every day the Kidou Corps Commander gets relegated to Academy instructor - but Koyonagi isn’t ready to tell him, and everyone can just back the fuck off or Ichigo is giving this party a miss. He can just as easily spend New Year’s in his apartment. Asuka and Rangiku and Gin won’t mind a change of venue. But then Kaien steps in, and even though his smile is a little strained when aimed at Koyonagi, he welcomes both of them in, cuts a warning look at all his clan members, and then leads them to the buffet table already laden down with food.

Later, when they’re left alone, Koyonagi murmurs, “I thought your cousin would’ve kicked me out.”

Ichigo shrugs. “He knows I would’ve left too. And I dunno what his problem is with you, but he likes me more than he’s scared of you. So.”

Koyonagi gives him an odd look before shaking his head with something like amusement. “Only you, Ichi-chan.”

Ichigo has no idea what that’s supposed to mean but that doesn’t stop him from grinding his heel into Koyonagi’s foot and stealing half his sushi. Ichi-chan his ass.

3. For all that Koyonagi tends to drive him around the bend every other week, Ichigo enjoys his company. He’s smart, and strong, and funny not always at Ichigo’s expense but never afraid of taunting him either.

Ichigo’s never had any great loves, never had time for them. But he’s fallen into bed with a few of his friends - for the company, for the warmth, for the comfort, when the nightmares crowded too close - and he wasn’t in love with any of them but he does know he has a type, and it was never down to physical appearance.

Men or women, he didn’t care. But they usually tended to be capable - held their own in battle, knew their own worth, laughed at death and went back for more, and could look Ichigo’s Hollow in the eye without flinching.

Ichigo doesn’t know about the latter, but Koyonagi has the other three in spades, and the more time Ichigo spends with him, the more he looks forward to just having Koyonagi around, even if they aren’t working on Kidou. So he won’t say he’s in love with this man either, isn’t sure what it is or how he’s even supposed to identify it - nobody’s ever taught him that, and he’s already the sort of person who would kill and die and raise his blade against an army for a friend he’d known for three months tops; he can’t get more extreme for a lover even if he tried.

He likes Koyonagi though, cares about him probably more than Shinji would say is wise because Ichigo absolutely knows there’s something off about the guy. But ninety percent of Ichigo’s relationships have been like that, and he’s never cared about anyone with the expectation of that care returned in full. Sometimes though, Koyonagi looks at him the same way people like Hanatarou and the Visored and Toushirou did, Chad at the beginning of their friendship and Rukia on occasion and Kisuke more times than the shopkeeper himself probably knew - like they couldn’t believe Ichigo was real, and behind that, like they’d break if Ichigo ever turned his back on them, ever left them behind. And maybe it’s foolish and arrogant and stupid, but Ichigo never could leave the broken ones alone. It’s not that he thinks they need redemption or for him to wrap them up in cotton and protect them from the big bad world; it’s just that he looks at each of them and can’t bear to let them go, not when their loneliness reminds him so much of his own.

Koyonagi is a little like them, some of the time, when he thinks Ichigo isn’t looking, and it’s enough for Ichigo to set aside the apprehension he sometimes feels when he looks at Koyonagi. It might bite him in the ass one day, or it might not. But for now, he continues learning from the man and letting him come over for meals and bantering with him until he manages to drag genuine laughter out of him. And if he also sits back and admires the stretch of Koyonagi’s throat and the lazy curl of his grin that somehow lights up his whole face, nobody has to know except Ichigo.

4. “Like this,” Koyonagi murmurs, and then steps right into Ichigo’s space, a wall of heat at his back as his hands come up and around, folding over Ichigo’s own and guiding him through the motions of a particularly complicated Kidou formation. The man has only maybe an inch on Ichigo so he’s a comfortable fit against him, but Ichigo freezes at the touch, and he can feel the flush creeping up the back of his neck. He barely registers Koyonagi finishing his very hands-on show-and-tell, but he immediately misses the warmth when Koyonagi steps away again, withdrawing far too slowly and not slowly enough, the callouses of his hands brushing up his arms like an inadvertent caress, and Ichigo has to suppress the ridiculous urge to lean into it even as a different part of him wants to claw his own skin off.

Kaien likes slinging an arm around him, and Rangiku gives him hugs sometimes, but Ichigo hasn’t had anyone touch him so… intimately in a long time. Which is dumb because he’s pretty sure he’s reading that wrong, because this isn’t even the first time Koyonagi hasn’t gotten more than a little handsy when he guided Ichigo through each Kidou spell, it’s just that this time tops them all. So it’s dumb, except when he turns and catches sight of Koyonagi’s face, the man is watching him right back, green eyes gone dark and hot and knowing, even as his mouth thins into a strangely contrasting grimace.

Ichigo’s heartbeat suddenly sounds too loud in his ears.

“…You’re not subtle, Ichi-chan,” Koyonagi says after a long moment of charged silence, and for once, Ichigo doesn’t even kick him for the nickname.

Ichigo blinks, takes a breath, and squares his shoulders because he’s never cowered when it counted. “Rude. The polite thing to do here would be to ignore it.”

Koyonagi huffs a breath of sardonic laughter. “Well, no one has ever accused me of being well-mannered.” He pauses, too-piercing gaze drifting over Ichigo like a touch of its own. “And what if I don’t want to?”

There’s another lengthy breathless silence between them. Ichigo takes in the hunger burning in Koyonagi’s eyes and recalls all the little touches Koyonagi’s been giving him that don’t seem so accidental or innocent on hindsight anymore.

So alright, Ichigo is kind of oblivious when it comes to certain things.

He narrows his eyes. “You better not make this weird later.”

Koyonagi smirks at that. “I promise I’ll still respect you in the morning, Ichi-chan.”

This time, Ichigo reaches out to smack him one, practically reflex now, but he stills when Koyonagi catches his hand and tugs him a step closer instead. A gentle thumb strokes over the pulse in his wrist, and Ichigo has to stamp down a shiver. Koyonagi says nothing, doesn’t push, waits, and maybe that’s why.

Besides, Ichigo wouldn’t mind falling asleep next to someone he trusts. It’s been a long time since he could, since anyone offered.

“Yeah, fine,” he says, and it comes out rough. Koyonagi’s smirk widens, and Ichigo rolls his eyes in response before yanking the man forward, one hand coming up to catch his shoulder right before he presses his mouth to Koyonagi’s in a brief but searing kiss. He pulls back in time to see the half-snarl of surprise and checked arousal, and Ichigo grins. “My place,” he says, and disappears in a rush of shunpo, fast but not-quite-controlled. Koyonagi tears after him, dogging his heels, and Ichigo barely has time to touch down on his doorstep and get the door open before Koyonagi crashes into him from behind, all but tumbling him inside before whirling him around again and pushing him up against the slam of the door. Ichigo gets a glimpse of glittering green gone bright with the flare of reiatsu, and then Koyonagi is licking into his mouth like he wants to devour him. Ichigo groans, shoves Koyonagi’s loose Shihakushou open, and loses himself in the other’s warmth.

5. The seal glows ominously in the palm of his hand. Beside him, Ichigo slumbers on peacefully, limbs heavy with exhausted satisfaction, gloriously bare under the sheets, marked only by faint bruising that will probably be gone by morning. He sleeps half curled up against Senzou’s side like a cat, starved for touch and warmth even when unconscious.

He sleeps like he thinks Senzou can’t hurt him, so, so easily. Senzou stares at the seal in his hand, intricate symbols locked together, thrumming with power, ready to be applied at his leisure. His other arm remains around Ichigo, splayed over his back with a possessiveness he refuses to think too deeply about.

He thinks instead about trust. He thinks Ichigo is the sort of foolish he should hate, because Ichigo trusts him like he thinks trust alone is enough of a leash to hold Senzou back, like Central 46 doesn’t have the bigger claim by far, and the seal on his back still burns with a phantom pain.

Ichigo isn’t stupid. And Senzou’s let himself slip enough to give even the most clueless plenty of hints. And yet, Ichigo refuses to run away, continues letting Senzou into his life, into his house, into his damn bed, looks at him like he’s something important, something precious, like they don’t both know he’s a poisoned dagger in the dark, and Senzou should hate him for it because Ichigo refuses to heed every warning between them, refuses to stop, refuses to give up on him the way so many others have, and that’s a kind of warfare Senzou has no experience in fighting.

He should hate it. He’s tried. But it is shockingly hard to hate a man who refuses to do the same in return. Or maybe just this man. Just Ichigo.

Senzou sighs, closes his hand, and shatters the seal. The reiatsu powering it dissipates in a fluctuating spike of seething venom, and beside him, Ichigo stirs.

“The fuck is wrong with you?” He grumbles, cracking open one eye even as he throws an arm over Senzou’s waist, and Senzou wonders if he even realizes the way his reiatsu curls around Senzou like it wants to keep him. “It is way too early to still be up.”

“…You can’t save everyone, Ichigo.” Senzou says before he can think better of it, before he can even think it.

He feels Ichigo go still, and he braces for Ichigo to withdraw, to pull away, but Ichigo only stretches out, sprawling more of his weight over Senzou as he lifts his head to scowl at him.

“I can fucking try,” is his retort, all steel-edged determination, and then his eyes narrow, and his reiatsu ripples like the ocean, vast and deep and deadly, and Senzou should be wary of drowning in it, but all he feels is safe.

“Why?” Ichigo continues demandingly. “Do I need to fuck someone up for you? Are you finally gonna tell me who’s holding what over your head? Cuz you tell me and we’ll deal with it, okay? It doesn’t matter who it is.”

Senzou stares at him, stares and stares and wonders when the gods decided he was worth this man.

“Koyonagi?” Ichigo scowls again, but it’s his concerned one, heavy at the brow, soft at the edges, fierce all over as if he’d fight the whole damn world if that’s what it takes to free Senzou.

“Yes,” Senzou says belatedly, finally finding his voice again. “There are some things I have to tell you.”

Then again, Senzou’s never believed in gods. If they exist, they abandoned him a long time ago. But Ichigo is here, and Ichigo thinks he’s worth it, and maybe it’s time Senzou starts giving some of that trust back.

#headcanon meme: answered #bleach #koyoichi #koyonagi senzou #kurosaki ichigo #headcanon #nopixiera #swinging pendulum

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dolphin-enthusiast · 4 years

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a lovely evening to you, cuore mio 💗💖💘 it's been a long long day,, i'm sorry that yesterday was so dreadful for you!! hopefully today treated at least a little bit kinder than yesterday,, you do deserve the best after all ❤ (1/8)

"today was really rough for me mentally, but seeing your response to last night's letter gave me the kick i needed to get moving, i just try my best for you guys after all!! i also saw that lemon boy ask,, it was so cute! i don't listen to much cavetown, but that song has always struck a chord with me, hearing it associated with us makes me feel warm and fuzzy 😊 (2/8)

i've been pretty sleepy today, probably since i slept really poorly last night,, hopefully i can make up for it tonight! but i got to make up for it with lots of work, tailoring/altering clothes, sewing up rips and tears, and other chores, not to mention that i had to help bake 3 loafs of bread and a cake.. and also cook a huge pot of pasta for dinner,, it was very exhausting, but at least i got many things done for once!! its hard trying to be productive lately hehe 😅 (3/8)

my momma and i also got to hit up the markets, i was rewarded a bottle of chinotto for my work!! (it's this italian soda made from the myrtle orange, it is like a more refined cola) (4/8)

i was able to settle down after suffer and watch some of my favorite movie, the godfather part I, i absolutely adore the godfather trilogy since the movies are so well done, the story is captivating, and it reminds me of the stories my zio tells me about the mafia! ✨ (5/8)

speaking of which, my family history isn't all so perfect morgy dear! sure, my family is grand in size and has lots of deep rooted history, but we also have our fair share of unstable persons unfortunately,, my parents just keep me away from them, so you're not alone on that aspect!! 🌺 (6/8)

ah, and i should say that as i've been writing this, my friends keep spamming me and teasing me!! apparently quinn sent them those mafia headcannons so now they decided to fluster me over it!! they're lucky i love them, otherwise i'd be going crazy hehe 😂 (7/8)

oh my, the clock keeps ticking later and later doesn't it? well then, i'll be going for the night! and make sure to try and find time to relax!! too much stress is never a good thing, i know that much,, but i also know that we will both get through it!! and hopefully i can brighten your day at least a tiny bit 💕 - well wishes and much much love, waifu xoxo 💌💋 ps: of course i'd accompany you though everything, even if it was the mafia,, i'm always rooting for you from the sidelines! 😘 (8/8)"

Ah yes the talented productive waifu strikes again😳😳😳 im glad to see i somehow motivated u again and did some chores done, i myself need to get back on track again but idk lately i been sleeping even later than usual and ngl no day is better than the other at all so i'll have to pull myself up and attempt at getting some writing done for once🤡🤡 and yea obvs i know ur family wouldnt b perf (no one's family is) but it just seems to have alot of history which is interesting and what i meant was that mine is basically just bland unstable ppl left and right that u cant even keep ur distance from properly jdhdhdhs (i've also never really properly watched the godfather just little scenes but i would finna watch it with u👁️)

Ur friends really do b doin gods work ngl doe....im still amazed at how popular i am between your close ones like ??? Wjchdhfjdn

Also im p sure i had chinotto a few times before and i remember really liking it so....what if we shared a chinotto while watching the godfather then marathoning anime like damn weebs haha jk UNLESS

#u say ur behind me at all times but..#dont forget my cryptid spirit is also following u around and proteccing u👁️👁️#the confessional #that was peak romance wasnt it-

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superemeralds · 5 years

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yes. a big sonic fish dropping his opinion on the Thing.

i watched the trailers a bunch of times unti li got so exhausted i just ugh.

you will notice i tried to go thru every second and try finding easter eggs but my attention is not enoguh to. Write That Down

if i had t and id be comfortable with my voice id just record audio or do shit in a steam but. yakno :’)

anyways its under the cut.

TLDR;

the movie looks like they asked pen kenders for design advice for sonics model

i absolutely fucking hate his anatomy its bad from any possible perspective and tehres no sugartalking it hes a naked little man with a fursuit head. and that head has a human jaw. somehow.

the cgi on sonic is debateable. hope the movie puts him into the environment a little better with bounce light n shit. (he would probably fit the environment more easily if he was a cartoon)

the overall quality of the movie is standard millions of dollar budged movie. its got explosions and action and over the top cgi and unfunny jokes that somehow make u laugh anyways they tried some really cool stuff but they just. couldn’t execute it the way they’d wish they did (or at least i wish they did)

you WILL be entertained when watching this movie because the actors are doing a great job n the overall execution is okay (not Good but like. passable. think frozen)

generally the characterization of sonic is good from what we’ve seen

eggman is gonna be okay i think, just. different.

love that its probably inspired by SA2 and 06

im trying to be professional with this but if you know me you know this is impossible. i tried.

I’ll do eggman in a reblog tomorrow right now im just too exhausted from having watched the trailer too often

Starts off with the cop whos name i forgot again sittin in his car when sonic speeds thru.

Ofc he doesn‘t believe such a velocity is possible but then he finds an electrifying blue needle in the grass? Okay? How is that still doing sparkly shit when detatched from sonic, and that strongly? I mean I get it but still. Very hmst? Makes one wonder how they explain his power.

Next is the paramound logo but with rings.

Then is a scene of Sonic running thru the woods which reminds me VERY heavily of the sonic fan movie. like RAELLY heavily.

then sonic falls into his... burrow?

notice the stop sign.

a big biean bag, to cussion his fall probably, and lots of trash. looks like soda and juice and stuff i can’t identify rn. but its a lot of junk.

he has a fuckton of shoes. all w broken soles bc hes running too fast. (tho its unrealistic for only the soles to be damaged.

and a casette player with a knife on it?

after sonic is seen on a street so we can see his back very well.

then he takes the fuck OFF all with the electricity sparkles. its like the efx ppl were too much into MHA

then sonic breaks the sound barrier and. somehow the entirety of north america doesnt have power anymore. maybe those things arent connected but like. its meant to confuse us and make us think. its probably how sonic came to this world.

then eggman is being an asshole to the military (yay) but hes also like. being the Boss Of The Military Now (nay)

also ofc the villain sidekick is a man of color

THEN the cop finds sonic in a shed.

i would screan too if i saw that in a shed.

then theyre sittin in a van. sonic does NOT have his seatbelt on.

THEN eggman attacks. sonic jumps out of the car to fight him off and save the cop

he does a spindash and flips eggmans car, taunts him and runs back to the cop (very good characterization)

eggman then unleashes a smaller robot car thing

then eggman finds one of sonics needles thats still bbzzzting he even tries to lick it. askjfhksa

SONIC THROWS A GOLD RING TO SAVE COP AND THE OTHER GAL FROM FALLING TO THEIR DEATH FROM A SKYSCRAPER??????

then the scene on the skyscraper thats probably before the gold ring throw

i like that the eggman mechs are all inspired by the 06 aesthetic...

he moves so. slow. in the scenes where hes supposed to be fast.......

they tried to pull a quicksilver but. failed.

i dont like how they used ingame sounds bc. yall removed him fro the game aesthetic. and. do that.

and the. shufflebag scene. im. what. thats. what.

also:

ok now onto sonics design.

not even that rainbow flare effect can save the fact he looks like a naked person with a furry mask/headpiece.

total frontal looks okay. i like the smirk and how deep the eyes are. the nose and the eye thing doesn’t really bother much. he looks like a lil boy that i would like to pet

why are his hands white though? just give him gloves you heathens..... they look like monkey hands (yuji naka himself made a statement on twitter that he needs gloves)

the proportions are so. hng. the human jaw. n his head attachment to his body..... it works when its a cartoon but like that? it looks weird.

this angle... why does he have. human lips??? im glad the ears are expressive but. HUMAN LIPS.

why are his eyelids like that.... the peach part is. not enoguh

WHY THE HUMAN TEETH. WHY HUMAN JAW? IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE!!! ITS REALLY EW IM AAAAAAAAAA

hhhh

THIS THO. this is a good boy. how are they the same model?

and thats where i want to give up bc i dont want to look at him anymore.

hes a naked guy with a fursuit head.

and he doesnt fit into the environment... the shaders on him arent good and they are forgetting the bounce light around him and on him.

but. essentially. yknow. yknow what his design reminds me of?

same energy.

i wanted this to be professional but im so. tired. i cant anymore ill do eggman another day

#shadows logbook #long post

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primeadv · 6 years

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SITS DOWN

PULLS OUT 10 GIANT ALBUMS :)))

(this came out way longer than I intended im so fuckgkdsdf sory)

How I feel about this character: EVERYONE WHO KNOWS ME KNOWS I’M IN LOVE WIHT RATCHET. I love him in all iterations of Transformers because he’s always the tired, pragmatic one of the group. In contrast, he’s also almost tiredly optimistic in some ways. He won’t get out of bed, but if someone gets shot in the head he’ll spend however long and beyond to resuscitate them. There’s 2 halves to this--the me who identifies with the beating exhaustion he exudes, and the me who’s in awe that he’ll still fight his way through life. I won’t... get into each continuity...because that’s too much, so I’ll stick with probably the most unpopular version of him and that’s IDW (my impression, anyway). IDW Ratchet gets a lot of flack for being way too sour and like, maybe not selfish, but uncaring. He cares! A lot! He’s always thinking about everyone in really surprisingly thoughtful ways. Like when he’s 90% sure he’ll die due to Overlord and his last words are to promote First Aid to CMO (he’s ready!! god that’s sweet), and to give his hands to Whirl (though maybe a bit blindsided, he’s paid attention to some roots of Whirl’s trauma). Or yeah he’s hella mean to Drift in the beginning, but when Drift is dying in his arms he’s scREAMING at him “you’re gonna make it! You’re gonna be fine because I’m gonna make sure you’re gonna be fine”. He can be an asshole, but he knows the time and place. Death isn’t something to play with--he’s seen probably countless friends die, and he doesn’t want that to happen again. Even now, even after the war. So I feel very confused when ppl act like he’s this mean, cold person. He’s exTREMELY emotional. He’s probably way too invested in everyone’s lives, honestly? He interrupts a round table story for Rung just to reminisce on the veery last time he, OP, and Roller were together in the same room (not even hanging out or anything, just being together one last time. who remembers that after 5+ millions years??). He started an illegal clinic in the bad part of town because he wanted to put his skills to better use! Like! LOL. ALSO, a point that i think is unfair is that ppl think his atheism is just really mean. IT is! But I think it shows just how much of an emotional and extremely, deeply hurt person he is. It gets aggravating when he’s condescending of religion, because there’s no simple logic to it. He reacts the way he does because he’s a hurt person who’s gone through years of trauma and this is his way of coping. Is it healthy or right? Nah, but it’s humanizing. It’s why when he becomes closer to Drift he occupies this weird between space where he snarks but also tries to indulge more in perspectives outside of his own in his own dumb old tsundere way. He’s a person who believes in justice, ultimately, and religion to him doesn’t fall under justice. ALSO, can I say that his inability to say good byes is so.. like relatable? I have rly bad social anxiety, and so I’ve definitely ghosted people who’ve been nothing but really supportive for me. It’s not because I wanted to burn them, but it freaks you out needing to, not even say goodbye, but communicate with ppl. And for Ratchet--how many times was he FORCED to say good bye to friends + patients who were dying beyond his help? Maybe, if he could help it, he doesn’t want to say goodbye. And it’s tragic the times he’s just left, these were people who ended up either dying for falling astray into insanity, i.e., beyond his help. But he learns. He chases after Drift, who he actually said, in a way, good bye to (helping him off the floor after being attacked, also I should point out that a very tiny handful of people were comfortable interacting w/ Drift at all, and how much Ratchet just doesn’t give a shit abt how other ppl think abt him. he’ll help drift off the floor bc t’s the right thing to do). He says goodbye in his old dumb way--First Aid calls him out on it. ALSO his trust in First Aid is super cute. ALSO he’s like.. genuinely nice to Ten (he helped him get a date with Minimus!!!). And he’s not afraid to call out on other ppl’s bullshit (telling rodi straight you dont deserve to be captain which, at the time, was really true). He’s also SUPER smart. Also there’s that post on tumblr that pointed out that Ratchet immediately goes to deescalate conflict. He’s willing to put aside pride and anything if it means ultimately coming to a resolution where EVERYONE involved is safe. The only time he doesn’t is FUCKING OVERLORD who he rightfully, immediately, tries to briefly incapacitate to lockdown his medibay (protect patients/information). Ok I gotta stop I can go on forever just going page to page. Also, despite my love, I can totally point out his flaws. He’s grating when it’s unnecessary, he’s abhorrently bad at communicating, he’s privileged, he’s narrow-minded at times, etc. ec. But again what I love about him is that despite all that, he’ll throw his own self out the window for others’s well-being bc he genuinely, genuinellyyy cares about other people. If only he could care for himself //cries All the people I ship romantically with this character OH god... everyone. He’s my bicycle. ok look, ya’ll know I’m an intense dratchet shipper and I could literally write a god damn essay. ... here’s another essay???!! So, I’ma be real, I wasn’t a super dratchet shipper before. I wasn’t anti (i have no notps), but I was just “yeah they’re cute i guess haha”. But 99.99% the reason why I ship anything is all for super cute adorable fanart. and I kept drawing them because 1) ratchet’s my fav, 2) drift is super popular so I figured I should learn to draw him. And they became the only 2 mechs I could draw. I used to be way more into Scavengers + megarod. I used to only like 1 dratchet fanfic and that’s bc it was less romantic and more plot centric (still a fav tho). Then I kept seeing cute fanart, I would read posts by other dratchet shippers too about what makes them so nice? And I was yeah.. oh yeah. And it doesn’t help that in Lost Light, drift is CONSTANTLY by Ratchet’s side. He’s constantly checking up on him and holding him and touching him, like as if Ratchet is the thing that he needs to make sure, at all costs, is safe. In Drift’s life, Ratchet is the one who appears to him when he needs support the most but is in the most denial of it. When Drift is at the brink of death, overdosed and about to be broken apart and Orion brings him to Ratchet’s clinic. Ratchet patches him up pro-bono and tells him that he sees something special in him. like??? can you imagine how that feels? To have no one believe in you--you don’t even believe in yourself, and yet here’s this person who tells you “you’re gonna be great”. And it totally doesn’t hit Drift in anyway, at least in a way that’s tangible to him, until much later in life. Or maybe it does (hey, how do you weave character narratives when it’s been written by like 3 different ppl shrugs). And that statement means 2 different things to them. To Drift, it’s a reminder that he’s worth something, even if it’s a sliver of nearly nothing to hold onto. To Ratchet, it’s a reminder that the greatness he saw led to the deaths of thousands of people. HEY can you imagine this person you saved, patched up, tried to encourage, ended up being a mass serial killer in the future? (have you ever read Monster by Naoki Urusawa). Ended up killing people you loved? So it’s no wonder that a good part of Ratchet is absolutely mad at Drift. And I think if that was all, they probably would’ve ended up being amicable. But Drift also ended up being super religious and seeing the hand and primus in everything and oh my god is this person really waxing poetry on the value of life when he, himself, shot several bullets at me at one point? I also believe they are uncomfortably similar as they are different. The reason why they constantly butt heads is they’re two people trying to escape a past they don’t want and found complete opposite ways to cope with their losses. Drift found religion, Ratchet is gratingly pragmatic, and they see each other and go “how could this guy choose to be this way?”. I’ve heard ppl like to cite the annual as the reason why they could never work out. BUT, can I point out, that they act around each other in a way they don’t with anyone else? Drift gets SO MAD. Ratchet gets extremely talkative and incredibly personal (pulled out an electro slug from someone’s spark, holy shit that fucking traumatized you didn’t it??). They challenge each other emotionally, and it’s so fucking difficult bc they’re both extremely depressed and suffer from PTSD and would probably rather just go on their dumb space adventure and look at stars--take 2 emotionally constipated idiots and you get them. And hell no, don’t tell me Drift is in-tune with his feelings bc he’s 10000% not. He uses religion to cope with a past and life that he doesn’t want to think about. He tries to re-contextualize himself because he hates who he is. OUCHHH. And Ratchet MAKES him confront the parts of himself he hates--bc Ratchet has seen his worst traits and isn’t afraid to make him think about it. So why do they work out eventually? They realize how important they are to each other. Delphi, Drift saves Ratchet’s life while he’s barely holding onto his own because he probably feels like he owes Ratchet his own life. And that’s a huge turning point in their relationship--Ratchet sees that... Drift tries really really fucking hard. My friend Zig pointed out that post-Delphi, Drift is eating energon w/ chopsticks (what a fucking nerd), and you can see in a later panel that Ratchet (who chose to sit next to Drift) is using those chopsticks too. IT’s such a small thing, but they’re becoming closer by sharing and learning from each other. And then Drift takes the fall and leaves. And Ratchet realizes just how important Drift’s presence is in his life. I mentioned it already lol but the scene where Ratchet helps Drift up off the floor and it’s superimposed with the love message Rewind left for CD. They care about each other so much!! And Ratchet chases after him!! HOLY SHIT. If that isn’t romance, what is?? lol I kid, but it’s obvious just how important Drift’s presence meant to him. IT’s really because they became so so so close in a way that can’t be described as just friends. They deeply understand each other in really uncomfortable ways and bring out the absolute worst and absolute best in each other. And this point is where Ratchet again appears when Drift doesn’t realize he needs someone in his life. Drift thinks he can be a loner and just float aimlessly and voicelessly--hell no! He needs friends, he needs community. He NEEDs belonging, because he wants to belong somewhere. And Ratchet helps bridge him back to friends and found family. And Ratchet slowly changes the more he’s with Drift. He reads religious text and tries to brag about it bc he’s a dumb tsundere lol but he’s trying to understand Drift’s interests more even if it takes a decade and more to get there. And Drift values him for being his rock. That’s why he’s constantly making sure Ratchet is safe and unharmed, because he owes at least that much to him. And yeah they eventually fall in love because they value each other in a way they haven’t anyone else. IM EMO I CAN GO ONE, this all probably didn’t make a whole lot of sense but yeah. I’m just so soft to the fact that they’re horribly hurt people who don’t know how to redirect their pain, but by being together they come out healthier and more confident. IT’S RLY ROMANTIC IDKKK My non-romantic OTP for this character As much as I also love OpRatch, they are also great best friend platonic ship. They know each other best, they’ve been through SO MUCH together. It’s honestly a shame they barely interact in IDW bc the small tidbits we have, they obviously deeply respect each other’s opinions and deeply value the relationship they’ve had over the past millions of years. I’m also all for non-romanceOTP for dratchet because I can totally imagine they go to each other to talk about things they feel uncomfortable sharing with others (they’ve seen the absolute worst of each other afterall). My unpopular opinion about this character I don’t... think I ahve one. Some ppl view my love for his as grating lol. One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon. Medic spin off.

#ratchet #dratchet

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some-thrilling-heroics · 6 years

Text

So! me and @enkelimagnus had a nice long chat (seriously loving those~! *hugs* ) about malec and their relationship and how Magnus surely must have some triggers

TRIGGER WARNING for brief mention of Magnus’ mother’s suicide, his past abusive relationships, both romantic and not, talk of triggers and internalized victim blaming

~we are evil, what can you do *shrugs*

There’s anxiety and angst and crying and possible abandonment issues, but the major point is just supportive Alec and what I think we all hope and pray for when we think about telling ppl abt all the bad shit

I bet there were times when Alec does something.... ordinary, nice and kinda stereotypically romantic maybe? and while Magnus appreciates the intention it reminds him of BAD SHIT

I bet he has triggers from all those abusive relationships, not just romantic ones either but he wouldn't just come out and tell Alec bc /one/ that's a lot and heavy and he wouldn't want to burden Alec with all that and also /two/ he's a bit scared that Alec will bolt eventually when he figures he's damaged goods

so he just swallows the wince and smiles and pushes tru, tries to pretend that the roses Alec gives him are just a lovely gesture and they do not remind him of Camille

his inner monologue like "they are just flowers, he's trying to be nice, he's not going to hurt you"

or how that particular meal was his mother's fav and oh ya, she killed herself

or a specific smell that reminds him of living in the streets with stray cats as a child and he has to struggle not to puke

and after bad nights or bad days he's just extra sensitive to all the little things

the runes he sees at the corner of his eyes, that send shivers down his spine of "run Magnus, they found you!"

like, it's not when Alec is there and he can see this is his Alexander, It's when it's in the corner of his eye, or a quick glimpse in the mirror

or when he wakes up in the middle of the night and still half asleep and there's an arm with a dark rune on it, he freezes for a moment and then berates himself

but Alec is noticing

one night Magnus comes home to these delicious smells - Alec is cooking or maybe better re-heating take-out bc he can't cook, we established that lol

and it's so nice and he smiles, he is walking towards the kitchen to greet Alec when there's a sound

crashing plates and cursing

Alec broke something and Magnus is just frozen in place, hyperventilating bc he /knows/ how these things play out

because he /knows/ it's going to be his fault, somehow

that he's either going to be blamed or Alec is going to take it out on him

or he did something earlier and didn't realize

so he's standing there in place, trying not to male a noise

and then Alec notices him in the middle of his cursing and that's when he asks what is all of this flinching and the weird looks he’s been seeing

Alec is concerned but to Magnus it just sounds like a string of accusations

great, so Alec has been paying attention and been noticing his slip ups and now he's mad and omg omg he can't breathe

Alec comes close to him and is freaked out and he's trying so hard not to move away from Alec when he's coming close, because he just wants to get away but what if it makes him worse, he doesn't want to flinch away from Alec and hurt his feelings and make him suspicious

Magnus is also hating himself for not being good enough at swallowing it all, so he's just apologizing - he's not really sure for what exactly but better safe and apologize for everything

which just confuses Alec so much more as he leads Magnus slowly to the couch or the chair or just somewhere to sit bc Magnus looks ready to collapse

and one day, Magnus manages to tell him

it takes a lot from him

he asks Alec to sit down bc he has some things to confess

and he's so afraid

because Alec could hurt him so badly right there

he starts with a list of disclaimers how all he is about to say is not a reflection on Alec, please, just to put Alec at ease when he himself is petrified and ashamed bc as much as he is against blaming the victim he still has shame, obviously he /should/ be able to be better than this

Alec is watching him with those big soulful eyes

he told Alec it was in the past, it should be in the past and here he is abt to bring up all those exes - what is Alec gonna think?

nothing good about him, because he promised it was gone now, that he didn't think about them, and also, he's so weak

he lied basically

and lying is /bad/, it's one of the Bad Things

so he starts rambling, not sure how to explain

rambling abour how he loves him and how he’s old and stupid

Alec disagrees but he's not really listening to that, he’s too busy /remembering/ and meanwhile Alec is also remembering those ittle things he noticed Magnus flinching at

maybe he starts with ppl that are long dead? like this guy in 1920s that had big hands and black hair

or about those shadowhunters that hunted him for sport and how he remembers their runes for deflect or for agility

and then he talks abt Camille, one of his longest relationships still, he realizes that FUCK

those ppl are dead, but Camille is still presumably somewhere around and kicking - Alec is gonna be so suspicious

so Magnus swears up and down he no longer has those feelings for her, and he'd do anything - how about a charm that will tell Alec his exact location? or a truth spell? he can do that, just so Alec will believe him

and Alec is like “what? No, I trust you”

and Magnus ends up telling him all the things

and Alec listens

and every now and then tears start back again, bc one - the memories and two - Alec is looking at him with such utter love and patience he can't take it

like “how can he love me like this. It’s not possible”

Alec keeps holding his hand, asking what is ok to do and throwing random ideas and if those things would be good for Magnus

which is another surprise for Magnus bc he didn't really think that far ahead?

he just told Alec abt those red roses and now Alec is asking him if lilies would be better as if he intends to give him flowers in the future???

Magnus is like ???

"you want... to give me *sniffles* lilies?"

"yeah? bad idea?"

"why would you want to?"

“hmm because I love buying you flowers?”

and after Magnus seems like he told most of it, Alec is like, planning mode, even a little bit smiling and excited and he tells Magnus that it's all gonna be fine, they will work out their own little things

and Magnus is just having a moment, his lip is trembling, taking it all in

how Alec isn't blaming him, doesn't sound angry or hurt but how he's talking abt work-arounds and solutions

Alec suddenly asks if he wants to be hugged or not so Magnus agrees and collapses into Alec and by then dawn is coming

Alec kisses his forehead and says they should sleep, he'll take a day off, maybe come by the Institute later in the evening and stops Magnus when he starts apologiziing for taking all night with this

Magnus snuggles against him in bed, he's completely spent and exhausted

Alec just holds him and he falls asleep, with Alec whispering how he's not going anywhere and how he loves him and how it's all ok

They take it one day at a time

Alec starts making noise when he comes into a room so Magnus doesnt freak out when he appears suddenly

if you liked this, send some love to @enkelimagnus she has the greatest ideas :3

#malec #magnus bane #alec lightwood #shadowhunters #sh meta #sh fic #my meta #behold I wrote a thing #whump #crying

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sheerioswifties · 6 years

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wait what’s going on with verena what did she do to you?

Ugh I'm exhausted with this. Months and months ago she blocked me for NO reason, I'd never even interacted with her beyond helping with the Taylor meet her campaign. So now it's a huge issue every time I go to reblog a post that she was the OP on, Tumblr won't let me. It's really annoying but what's worse is her full of herself, stuck up, thinks she's fandom royalty attitude and using her Taylor meet to act that way and doing lots of shady crap I'm not going to even go into because honestly what's the point, everyone still worships her as if she is exactly what she thinks she is, so what good can I do by saying anymore I'm just so exhausted. Now she's changed her url(I'm guessing bc she's afraid her blog will get deleted from the shady stuff she does) so I accidentally tried to reblog something not knowing it was her and Tumblr glitched it, again and it's driving me crazy, stupid reminders of this person who doesn't know me but blocked me. She's a snob and I just don't get why the snobs in the world maintain popularity like that, being so mean to so many (bc a lot of ppl have privately come forward to me about her and others), yet those of us who try to in the least be decent and kind, we just get crapped on by people like her? Like I'm not cool enough to be part of the cool crowd because I haven't met Taylor and I didn't steal seats to get closer to her at her show for better pics and I don't model off a ton of merch all the time. Okay but I thought middle school was over. I'm just. I'm tired you guys.

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sufferthesea · 6 years

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Transitional Period

Okay so I feel really lame writing this but I think it's also important. I keep apologizing for not being super active on this blog anymore, and there's a number of reasons I haven't. Most of it has been health related but anyway. I started this blog because I hated my other blog and wanted to do something new with a fandom I'd been in for a long time (10+ years), so after talking with Katie ( @shiranuigenma ), I decided to create this Naruto blog. But it wasn't intended to be just a Naruto blog, but that's how it kind of ended up since that's what I was into when I made it.

The fact that I've kept this a 98% Naruto blog is awesome because my attention span and energy allotted for a fandom is around 3-4 months. After that I usually get bored or burnt out and have to find something else. Making friends and participating in things like Kakashi Week, and just doing art and writing fanfics, has helped me to maintain interest in this blog for a lot longer than I thought I would. So thank you!! You guys are awesome!!!

(Okay real quick I'm not quitting lol. I know it sounds like it. But I'm not.) Basically, I was getting so burnt out on Naruto that I was dreading getting on this blog and I didn't want to watch it anymore. That's why I've been MIA. I literally only follow Naruto blogs at the moment. I don't want this to become a trash blog like my last one that I abandoned, so I'm still going to be kind of selective with what I reblog. Anyway. To combat the staleness and burnt out feeling I had, I got into a few other shows with my friends and that's really all I've been watching (RWBY, RvB, and YouTube if you're curious). It sounds dumb but it's really helped me a lot because I'm not so exhausted and wearing myself out trying to be ~the cool singular fandom blog~ that I'm really not meant to be. (Yo, major kudos to those who can do that.)

So anyway, 2018 has been not super unkind, but very tough for me. You grow from challenges, right? But it's also important to not be challenging yourself 24/7 for 6 months straight with little sleep and locking yourself away in your bedroom. I am not Maito Gai. I cannot do that. So here's a few things about my blog that'll carry us into summer 2018 and hopefully allow me to be more active and not so stressed and sad!!!! Esp since I still don't have a job even tho I'm looking!! And I'm getting tired of ppl telling me “Well just get a job??? Just go get hired???” like !!! what do you think I am doing???

Requests are now closed indefinitely. I'm going to finish up the few I have, but after that I'm closing them. They were super fun but I have so many things backlogged that it hasn't been as fun anymore. I send love and thanks to all those who sent in requests while they were open! It was a fun experiment and I got to really test myself by writing for characters I don't normally write for!

Writing commissions are closed indefinitely. I’ll complete the one I have, but then that’ll be it for now. These too were also fun and challenged me more than anything else I've done. I got to write some very unique and difficult topics and I'm so thankful for those who trusted me enough with their stories to do this. However, the amount of time and mental energy it took was too much and severely underselling myself made it difficult to justify the time I was spending. (I've read writers should charge around 1 – 3 cents a word. I was charging $0.001 cents a word lmao. Whoops. I actually don't mind but it is hard to make a living like that.)

Art commissions are still OPEN! And btw, I do have a ko-fi. I'm thinking about doing something like, one coffee = one bust of your character of choosing? (which is same price as commissions whoops lol.) Idk yet. I won't be doing any writing for ko-fi, though.

I was going to create a side blog for the other fandoms I'm in but side blogs are tedious and annoying to manage so I'm probably just going to start posting stuff here. If you don't want to see it, you can start blacklisting tags now. I'll be tagging things as #rwby, #rvb, #not naruto (that's my catch-all tag for anything, uhh, not Naruto). Expect a lot of Ozpin, Qrow, Church, and Washington because even tho I was inactive here, it does not mean I stopped hoeing around in other fandoms. Oh, also expect an occasional #game grumps because #dan avidan is way cute.

I'm also going to be posting fanart for other fandoms here too. It's been nice to draw stuff other than Nardo. I'll still be doing Naruto stuff (I have a ton of Naruto projects I'm working on) but silly little doodles will probably be from RWBY.

I'm also in this weird kinda scary period in my life with school and career options. I have a degree in English and it's always been assumed I'd be a teacher but I don't want to be?? I realized recently that I love to draw and I'm getting quite good at it (with the help of my sister who is my own real-life youtube tutorial for SAI), so both my sister and I are going back to college for a Studio Art degree. I'm thinking about getting into animation and I'm scared because it's not a secure or “traditional” job??? I'm scared because I'm not settling on a job I don't want or a field I just assumed I'd go into. I'm not good with big changes or going into things when it's uncertain, so I'm like ….. /anxiety increases/ But I'm hoping it'll be good.

Just as an extra bullet point and a reminder, I still really love Kakashi, Iruka and Obito, and all my other guys!! Don't think I forgot about them!!

Sorry this is 10 million years long but it was important to me to write all that. I'm sorry I haven't been able to reblog your art or fics and comment on them. I'm sorry I haven't gotten back to you guys and responded to messages. I'm sorry I'm not as active. I've just been figuring stuff out and hanging out with friends, and watching other things so I don't grow to despise Naruto lol. So. That's about it. I probably forgot something.

Oh, I have 21 plants growing in my windowsill. 2 are decorative and the other 19 are going to go in my garden in the backyard bc they’re herbs and vegetables. And I'm going to cosplay for the first time next month and I might meet the voice actor for kid Obito. So. There's that.

#mine 44 #akimi.txt #transitional period #updates #so anyway #/breathes easy/#sorry to be dramatic #thank you for putting up with me #i love you guys!!!#im gonna go finish my weiss drawing #and then watch some youtube

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xhanac · 7 years

Text

Kay so @oswald–copperpot tagged me in this (thank u for tagging me btw) so I’m gonna answer some questions.

The rules are basically that you have to answer these 83 statements and tag 20 ppl but fuck it, I have literally no friends on here so I’m just gonna tag @locoalma10, yay

the last…

1. drink: ehh..water, ikr I’m boring

2. phone call: probably my mom, don’t rlly remember tho :/

3. text message: a friend, sth about her ex

4. song you listened to: Fourth of July by Fall out Boy, for some reason it reminds me of Twist&Shout and I wanna cry ;_;

5. time you cried: like a week ago cus I had a pretty bad fight with my mom…ya

6. dated someone twice: nah

7. kissed someone and regretted it: nah

8. been cheated on: I mean I hope never..

9. lost someone special: idk man

10. been depressed: lel that’s kinda a constant thing..kidding kidding..kinda..idk man

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: a year ago approximately, t’was pretty bad dammit never doing that again

favorite colors…

12. vantablack (I know it’s not an actual color, still putting it down cus it looks like the void and I love it, damn you Anish Kapoor)

13. red

14. rainbow cus I’m gay

in the last year have you…

15. made a new friend: yiss

16. fallen out of love: nah

17. laughed until you cried: yah probably

18. found out someone was talking about you: ya

19. met someone who changed you: ye

20. found out who your friends are: ehh..probably..idk, don’t really get the question :/

21. kissed someone on your facebook list: if that means we’re friends on fb then yeah

general…

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: most of them..like I’ve met most of them but they’re mostly random ppl from my old school and stuff so I don’t really know them

23. do you have any pets: ye, I have a dawg named Shanti and I had a westie called Whisky but he died a couple of years ago :/

24. do you want to change your name: ye

25. what did you do for your last birthday: went out for drinks with a couple of friends and stuff.. also had a bunch of sushi which was nice

26. what time do you wake up: ehh…6.30am when I’ve got school, 4pm now that it’s summertime.. don’t look at me, I’m a terrible person, idc tho, sleep is a blessing

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: asleep, I was on a trip that completely exhausted me so I went to sleep super early

28. name something you can’t wait for: to enter university so I can stop stressing out about it

29. when was the last time you saw your mom: couple of hours ago

30. what are you listening to right now: myself typing..my laptop ventilator…ehh…a crushing silence that surrounds me, making me aware of the weighing possibility that I might as well be floating in nothingness, on my own cus quite possibly nothing is real, the world as I know it might as well just be a computer simulation, everybody I ever met might be no more but a mere coded image and my own feeling of self might be no more but a code sbdy wrote to make me feel like I’m real, even though nothing really is….idfk man it’s 3am and I’m bored, I’m supposed to wake up early tomorrow to go to work smh, ded

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom: I mean probably

32. something that is getting on your nerves: college applications

33. most visited website: tumblr.com cus I’m gay and have a flare for social justice..kidding..I mean that too I guess but I just like to look/read about mah gay ships and tumblr seems to be the right place for that

34. hair color: brown

35. long or short hair: it was kinda long but I’m probably getting a haircut soon so it’s gonna be short then

36. do you have a crush on someone: ya

37. what do you like about yourself: ehh..idk, I’m fluent in three languages (kay, semi-fluent in the third one, still proud of it tho), also I can draw pretty decently I guess

38. piercings: two on my left ear, I’d really like to get a lip piercing tho

39. blood type: uhh.. idk

40. nickname: luc, das it

41. relationship status: relationships are confusing don’t talk to me

42. zodiac: capricorn

43. pronouns: she/her I guess

44. favorite tv show: Gotham atm cus nygmobblepot, OITNB, Sherlock, Supernatural, Avatar (both the last airbender and legend of Korra, both are rlly good honestly), Skam, also currently watching Black Mirror (San Junipero tho literally murder me that shit is magnificent)…also, does anime count as tv shows? I’m deciding it does cus I wanna talk about anime. Attack on Titan, Tokyo Ghoul, Black Butler, Noragami, Death Note, Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood, Ao no Exorcist, Soul Eater, Owari no Seraph, Durarara, Hataraku Maou-sama,, Gangsta., No.6…

45. tattoos: don’t have any but they’re dope and I want them

46. right or left handed: left-handed.. but I’ve been kinda trying to write/draw with my right cus I’m bored and I like the word ambidextrous so I’m trying to achieve that

47. surgery: nah

48. sport: I used to play tennis a lot when I was younger but I haven’t done that in years, seems like an entire lifetime ago

49. vacation: I wanna go to Japan

50. pair of trainers: does this mean do I have them? yeah I have a pair of trainers

more general…

51. eating: sushi slays my existence

52. drinking: water, cedevita, idk

53. I’m about to: make myself go to sleep cus I have to wake up early and it’s 3.38am already wtf Imma die tomorrow

54. waiting for: idk man…the feeling of contentment, I dunno

55. want: Donald Trump to bite the dust, equal rights, heteronormativity to perish, queerbaiting to return to the pits of hell it crawled out of….I’d also like to learn how to skateboard cus I’m shit at it but I like it

56. get married: like…in the future..maybe..I dunno man that’s a question for the future and the future ain’t here yet

57. career: dunno, something within the STEM territory, don’t know what, I’m vv confused

58. hugs or kisses: can I just say both? Ya, both are good

59. lips or eyes: goddammit both again

60. shorter or taller: idc

61. older or younger: idc

62. nice arms or nice stomach: what does this question even mean.. I mean nice is a subjective term so idk

63. hook up or relationship: relationship

64. troublemaker or hesitant: I dunno.. neither

65. kissed a stranger: nah but I was randomly kissed by some girl once whom I only spoke to for like 5 minutes prior..it was weird and it annoyed me cus I don’t even know her and she didn’t even ask smh -.-

66. drank hard liquor: ya

67. lost glasses/contact lenses: too many times…too many times

68. turned someone down: some guys way back in middleschool I guess

69(lol). sex on the first date: nah

70. broken someone’s heart: hope not, don’t think so

71. had your heart broken: nah

72. been arrested: nah

73. cried when someone died: ya

74. fallen for a friend: I dunno man

do you believe in…

75. yourself: lol.

76. miracles: bruh I’m the Gamzee Makara of miraces ..kay kidding I mean idk

77. love at first sight: if it’s at first sight it means y’all don’t even know each other…can’t love sbdy you don’t know that’s weird

78. santa claus: pedophile, what I mean yeah nope

79. kiss on the first date: I mean why not

80. angels: the first person I thought about was Castiel so yeah, hope so

other…

81. current best friend’s name: Ludwig II of Bavaria

82. eye color: brown

83. favorite movie: probably all three of the LOTR movies..

Kay well that was fun, also it’s 5am cus I’m slow af goddammit

@oswald–copperpot thank you again for tagging me, this was dope :)

#im tagging this as #tag #cus idk what else to tag it with #personal #oswald-copperpot

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