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h4venpha · 2 months

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i think i find comfort in vashwood because of their unwillingness to say outloud how they care and love for one another. like CANONLY, theres so, so much they dont say, yet their actions reflect everything.

i’m pretty sure i’ve spoke on this before but i like to think that they never say more than they need to because of the world they live in, the type of people they are, the type of upbringings theyve had. it all stems back to them not really feeling worthy of the love they are offered.

wolfwood who only thinks of himself as some fucked up modified killing machine and that he believes theres no chance someone as kind hearted as vash would see the good in him, or what little there is left of the good in him. he’s done nothing but kill, he could never redeem himself, and yet vash isn’t scared nor shuns him for it even with his pacifistic ideals.

vash who has seen the brutal truth of wolfwood’s being and still decides he loves him to the very end.

vash who doesnt believe he deserves any ounce of love or commitment because he only hurts those he gets close to. it’s happened before and itll happen again, like hes a walking time bomb and everything will blow up again and the people close to him will die no matter what he does. and wolfwood who canonly sticks beside him until the end! literally calls himself his guide.

vash who has never had true companionship in his 150 years of living, and wolfwood who follows him to the ends of gunsmoke.

just up until vol10, theyre still toeing the line of the relationship theyve created. but the exact moment vash shows up and chooses to prioritize wolfwood over going after knives (the fucking thing he’s been working towards since the big fall, over a hundred years ago) is the moment he steps past that line. its so extremely open and explicit, even wolfwood asks him ‘why are you here?”

while what he says here is true yes, it also sounds like “you cannot die, i’m here to ‘save’ you because i want to live.”

then to this when wolfwood knows and accepts he will die— the sheer HORROR on vash’s face when he realizes wolfwood wont allow him to save him.

few pages ahead, vash’s monologue starts and these old panels come up. “deep down, he had become very close to me.” basically implying that back then, during the ‘shoot’ moment, they weren’t really close. and when vash accused him: “you’re the coward here.”, “you give up all hope so easily”, it was almost surface level in a way? talking to him at surface level

but now, so many chapters later when wolfwood really does give up hope, vash, with all of his developed love through out the story realizes how differently he feels now. wolfwood made him put a fucking gun to his head (giving up hope), and vash who only scolded and accused him, vs vol10 where when wolfwood gives up hope, vash feels straight terror, that he’s really going to lose him. (also the inverted panel is just so gorgeous.)

the whole “isnt that right, wolfwood?” just proves my entire point that vash’s presence here in this fight steps over the line of vulnerability they had created. he knows how he feels, and he knows that wolfwood feels the same, even if hes speaking to him indirectly.

#im just rambling #okay #i dont know where i was going. w it #no fics u only get vashwood rambles sodrry #vashwood #vashwood angst #trigun maximum #trigun maximum wolfwood #trigun maximum vash #vash the stampede #nicholas d. wolfwood #vash angst #wolfwood angst #h4venpha

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clownsuu · 1 year

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Your possessive/obsessive Wally reminds me of the song “Smoke and Mirrors” by Jayn! I think he’d gladly kill someone to have Howdy to himself

Don’t know much obsession/possessive songs, but I do think Mob!Wally would be “the red means I love you”-

as for normal Wally? I feel he’s a lil more “Stalkers Tango” or maybe even a “The tailor shop in Enbizaka” (though it’s a different culture and timeline all together JDHHDHDDHE- vibesl still there)

also Frank screams a lil bit of “my unhealthy obsession”-

cw more obsessive behavior, syringe

Ai adventures with yours truly: day 90- We are not gunna talk about the “uno reverse” arc, or the “tea shop” arc-

#Also sorry for lack of art of yesterday and today- I am not feeling very well atm #Hopefully later I’ll be a bit better #But for now take some mid life crisis doodles of me just trying to get angst MDHHFHHDDJJD #ALSO WHY DID THE AI DO THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT IM T R A U M A T I Z E D. D D D D #I swear the days are getting worse and worse howdy whAT HAPPENED TO U DAWGGGGGGGGG WHERE DID THE SCRUNGLY SCRIMBLO GOOOOOOOOO #Welcome home #welcome home howdy #welcome home wally #wally darling #howdy pillar #wallypillar #cw obsession #Bleh bleh I need to drink more fluids #AND U TOO I SEE YOU NOT DRINKING W A T. E R #SPECIALLY U M O N IF YOU ARE READING THIS #Welcome home mob au

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applestruda · 1 year

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Don't buy me flowers, It pains me to watch pretty little things wilt away

#i missed drawing desert duo angst #:D #desert duo #grian #goodtimeswithscar #third life #traffic smp #cw blood #also the song quoted is pretty little things by the cranewives #just thought it fit #it started playing while drawing this so yeah #anyways enjoy #im back on my bs and getting ready for next season #my art

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dark-night-hero · 1 year

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Imagine when Itoshi Sae realizes things a little far too late.

Imagine Itoshi Sae wondering when it all started? Messages rarely received, calls barely make it through the night, the way you look so distracted when the two of you were in a video call, the fewer parcels he received. The way you look distracted and sometimes even out of it when he was in a phone call with you talking about whatever stuff he rant about.

"I'm sorry Sae, can we call things off tonight? I'm pretty tired from work." You spoke with an apologetic gaze over the scene. "Huh? Oh, yeah sure." "Thank you, then I'm hanging up then, Sae." The call ended just like that.

Imagine the way he starts wondering, when did it start? The lesser time the two of you had for each other. When the two of you started your relationship, both of you almost could not live without a single text or phone call per hour. It's been three days since he last saw your face over the phone, nine hours since you might have accidentally put him on ready. Were you that busy?

9:46 p.m

Sae: You good in there?

Sae: You left me on read, so I'm just checking up on you. Did something happen?

11:42 p.m

You: Sorry, something came up and I have to work overtime at the company.

You: It's lunchtime out there, right? Make sure to eat properly, I'm going to sleep now.

Imagine him wondering when you started looking like that? When did you start looking so dull even when talking about all your favorite, the things and stuff you love, you both love. And when was even the last time you've watched him play?

"I'm sorry, Sae, what were you talking about again? I didn't quite hear it." For the first time in this fifteen minutes video call, you finally spoke first words after telling him talk, well more like spoke things you can't seem to understand nowadays. Not that you really can not, but nowadays, it seems like... It feels strange.

"I was talking about our next game next week in there, at 27th, I was wondering if you could make it-?" It sounded desperate, as if he was looking forward for you to come. Maybe he was. He have not seen you in person for a while now. "27th? Oh God Sae, I have an important board meeting that day, I'm sorry I wouldn't able to come..." Strange enough, it scares him how despite your voice sounds genuinely disappointed of the unexpected circumstances were, you look rather unbothered.

Imagine as he was looking forward to seeing you again once he got back into his home country. There, you were usually greeting him with a smile on your face. But now, it wonders him when did you started looking at him with such dull eyes and a rather forced smile on your lips.

"Is everything okay? You look.." like you don't want to be with him right now. Uncomfortable. "Huh? Ye.. Everything is alright right now. You're here now." Why do you look like you're trying to convince yourself right now? Did you even realize you did not even try to go for a hug like you usually does the moment you see him at the airport?

Imagine Itoshi Sae wondering where it all went wrong as he watched you pack your things as he stood there at the door right after you told him, "Things aren't working anymore between the two of us that's why... We should take a break."

Imagine as he sat down on the sofa at the spacious living room, he turned on the television to at least bring noise into the silent room. Only to find your favorite slow playing that sent a pang on his chest. He did not even dare turn it off. He just stood up and went into the kitchen when he found a still hot meal at the table, a note left right beside it.

Do not misunderstand, I still love you. Heavens, God I do Sae. I love you very much, but I can no longer do this alone. You know what I'm talking about Sae. I can't be in this all alone when it should be the two of us together. I'm sorry. I really do, but I really can't do this anymore. I hope you don't starve yourself, not tonight, not tomorrow, and the following day. Please do take care of yourself, I hate to see you neglecting yourself.

- (First name)(Lastname)

Imagine the way he scoffs and rolls his eyes, the note slowly crumple in his palm. But then, eventually, he let out a sigh and sat down the seat right in front of the meal left on the table. He doesn't have an appetite. And yet, as his shaking hands picked up the cutlery on the table, as he piece by piece ate the meal on the table. A single tear falls down, followed by another.

Imagine, the more he thinks about it. The more he realizes, he was the one to blame for all of this. It was never you. It was him all along, was it not?

"So the thing was, one of my coworkers-" "I'm sorry, can we talk about this next time? I'm really tired, we just finished a game and.." "Oh, I'm sorry. You didn't inform me you have a game today, I could have watched." "Hmm. Yeah, I forgot." Then he groan, "Sorry, I'm really tired I'm hanging up." "Okay dear, I love y-" Call ended.

yesterday, 8:47 p.m

You: Jgh, what about you?

You: Oh wait it's probably around lunch in there, have a nice day, dear. Please do eat a proper meal. :)

yesterday, 9:30 p.m

You: Dear?

You: You left me on read, is everything alright in there?

You: I hope you're alright.

yesterday, 10:28 p.m

You: Sae?

You: I know you're busy, but can you at least tell me if you're doing well in there?

yesterday, 11:47 p.m

You: I'm sorry if I'm bothering you right now, but I'm worried.

today, 3:24 a.m

You: I just contacted your manager, idk why I haven't done that in the first place, but at least I can now sleep knowing you're just knocked out after practice. I'm going to sleep now, I'm sorry for the spam messages, I love you. :)

"I didn't know you had a game today." You spoke over the phone. "Huh? I didn't tell you?" "You didn't." There was a bitter smile on your face. "Sorry, I must have forgotten about it. It's nothing important, after all." "Nothing important, you say.." "What was that?" "Nothing dear." You laugh. "When will your next game be? It's been a while since I've watch you on the field." "Oh that? I'm not sure." There was a few moments of silence after that. "(First name)?" "Yes dear?" "I got to go." "Alright, take care, I lov-" Call ended.

"You see, I've seen this great place for couples and newlyweds for a perfect vacation-" "Can't we just stay home?" "But dear, we've talked about this-" "It's been a while since I've been given a vacation, can we just.. Can't we just stay at home?" Frustrated, he didn't even look at you, nor was he able to pick up the hits you've been giving him, even the way you were caressing the empty spot on your ring finger, and lastly, the crestfallen look on your face that was quickly replaced by a fake smile. "... Alright, let's do that."

Imagine the way it was all coming back to him at that very moment. The way he just sat there, eating and crying, he could not even utter a word nor let out a sound of pain. Because he deserves it, he deserves every bit of pain he was feeling right now for taking you for granted and realizing it, a little too late. You have already left, and right now, all he could do was wait. Wait for you to come back, even if you might never wish to do so.

[ⓒdark-night-hero] 2023°

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pettyprocrastination · 1 year

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whoever this beloved anon was I am so touched by your kindness! You definitely didn’t have to do this but I am so happy you enjoy this idea and I will happily expand upon it for you!

this is just a collection of word vomit bullet points for the time being but I will happily answer any and all questions about this pair!!

warnings: violence, angst, child death (Sarah Miller), foul language, the same warnings that apply to tlou, reader is Sarah's mom and described as having similar features to her.

So the general Idea is that you and Joel are happily married before the outbreak.

You had been Sarah's mother, his high school sweetheart he got pregnant when neither of you were old enough to have any reaction to the pregnancy test other than a fucking panic attack in one another’s arms. but you made it work

you both worked but made time for one another and your sweet girl, going to museums every other weekend and joel insisting on swooping you off for a date every now and then

nothing special. He knows you’re more of a diner gal than anything too fancy that makes you both feel out of place.

On his birthday in 2003, you had planned to tell him that you were pregnant again. But the memories of your own fears of motherhood from all those years ago begin to swirl through your head again and you get cold feel. deciding to tell him the morning after

it is his birthday afterall, you want to focus on him.

but when you’re woken up in the middle of the night because tommy needs to get bailed out, Joel kisses you sweetly one last time before promising he’ll be back and you can’t shake the feeling that something bad is happening.

its you that shakes sarah awake that night. shouting at her to put on her shoes when she’s still rubbing the sleep from her eyes because you’ve been listening to the radio for the past two hours, calling joel again and again and again praying for him to fucking pick up but to no avail.

Sarah, bless your little girl’s bleeding heart is the one who insists you check on the adler’s against your better suspicions and when you find the eldest looming over her daughter, blood and sinew dripping from her mouth, you grab your daughter hand and burst into a full sprint until something slams into your back and sends you tumbling onto their front lawn

its how joel finds you, struggling to keep the once sweet old woman, whose now nothing more than dead eyes and gnashing teeth straining to snap at your pulse point as you push against her while sarah shrieks before your husband runs forward and cracks her skull with a wrench.

there’s hardly a moment of pause, just enough for him to pull you up and into his arms before he’s ushering you both into the car with an urgency.

when the truck crashes, you get separated from them. Perhaps at Tommy’s side when the flames rise and create a wall, separating you from your husband, or maybe pulled into the mob of chaos when trying to escape from those already infected-

all joel knows is that you promise you’ll find him: just get sarah to safety and you’ll meet him at the river

Poor thing is already so frightened, held in her father’s arms with tears streaming down her face insisting they can’t leave you they just can’t but her father kisses her forehead and reassures her its going to be okay

“we just need to be brave, okay babygirl? Your mama’s real tough, she’s gonna be alright.”

he isn’t sure if he’s saying it to his daughter or himself.

but when he comes to the river you aren’t there. Only a soldier who points a gun at the scared little girl in his arms and then he loses everything

its when the light is gone from his daughter’s eyes that he realizes. His voice cracked and raw from sobbing that he looks around to see his brother with drawn in shoulders and tears in his eyes but his wife is nowhere to be found.

Tommy says you got lost in the chaos. Everything was so loud, so sudden that he turned around and suddenly you weren’t there.

Joel wants to go back but its Tommy that stops him, that dulls the red in his vision to a sad faded pink because his brother points at the orange horizon not too far from them, so much of the city is already in flames.

“We’re gonna find her, but not there.”

So Joel searches. for the first year spent in the world post-outbreak its all he did.

He became a smuggler because of it.

Information came at a price and he needed to be able to fucking pay it, whether it be in blood or ration cards. He was willing to do anything to find you or any thin thread that lead your way.

But it’s Tommy that asks him to give up. Not in those words of course.

The youngest Miller knows better than to say something so cruel that would make his brother, the only person he has in this world turn on him.

But his voice is worried when he asks him one night in Boston when he hasn’t even had the chance to wash the blood from his knuckles

“You think she would have wanted this for you?”

the fight that followed his words was brutal. Vicious insults and scarred fists slamming against each brother until they're both too tired and bloody to continue. Each leaning against a wall for support and Tommy’s wavering voice breaking the silence.

“I don’t know where she is, Joel. But I do know you're gonna get yourself killed if you keep lookin’ for her.”

All he can do is nod.

It’s a few days later when he meets Tess. Who has heard plenty of stories about the elder miller’s brutality and wants him to put that muscle to good use for some extra profit.

It begins his new life. One that empty and cold but one he can live.

Until of course, Ellie comes along. The sweet and incredibly opinionated girl that makes him become something akin to the man he thought died twenty years ago.

its when he’s traveling with Ellie, that it happens. When a warm familiarity has settled between the two because so much blood and pain has been shared he can’t help but see her as something close, something bright even though all he can force himself to utter in her reference is “cargo”

when theyre traveling through the woods as Ellie chatters away, probing his memory about a movie that may or may not have existed thirty years ago because her descriptions of the plot are incredibly odd he hears a voice shout for them to stop and finds himself staring at a man- no, a boy- pointing a gun at them.

Ellie stills, but Joel can see enough to know that from the lanky figure and dimpled face that he’s young. Maybe twenty, twenty-two at the oldest, but his eyes dart from Joel to Ellie with a pinprick of fear that allows Joel the time to charge forward and slam him to the ground before wrestling the gun from his hands.

He has enough to time to tuck it under the stranger’s chin before he hears the sound of the safety being turned off and finds himself looking up and seeing a gun just inches from his face.

Joel’s head whips around when Ellie’s voice calls out his name in fear, he turns to see another stranger holding her a gun point, shoulders drawn back and a shadow cast over their face by the had obstructing their identity.

“You hurt one of mine, I hurt one of yours. That a fair deal?”

Its takes him a moment to recognize you. It’s been so long since he’s heard your voice, the sweet tease when you would poke at him each time he woke up late despite the fact that you reminded him to set his alarm the night before, the times you’d chide him with a harsh “Joel Miller!” whispered in public anytime he was able to grab you a bit too passionately to be appropriate in public but the laughter in your voice let him know you were never truly mad at him. You didn’t know how to be.

But that sweetness is buried under a cold rasp that cuts through the air as you point a rifle at the scared little girl in front of you.

“You think I won’t?” You’re older now, skin covered in scars from a life he didn’t know you got the chance to live and your eyes are cold as they regard your husband. “Put the gun down and get the fuck off of him, I won’t repeat myself.”

Joel mumbles your name in awe. The woman he loved, the woman he mourned the one he fought so hard to find stands before him like some sort of hallucination and suddenly the world feels like its spinning until you bark orders at him again.

“You’ve got five seconds Joel, make a fucking choice before I make it for you.”

He looks down and realizes the boy under him, the one with the bleeding nose and snarling face has your eyes and his dimples.

“One.”

The one above him has Sarah’s hair. Soft brown curls that shine under the sun.

“Two”

Wait. No, they both do.

“Three.”

Twins. Jesus fucking Christ you had twins.

“Four.”

Joel holds the rifle up above his head and the one boy standing snatches it from his grasp, tossing it to the ground and kicking it far from his reach. He slowly stands, allowing your son- dear god your son- to scramble to his feet.

Your voice softens just for a moment. “You okay, Duke?”

Blood stains the bottom half of his face from where Joel slammed his fist into the boy’s nose just moments before, but he nods nonetheless.

Now, they both stand on one side of you and he can see the resemblance clear as day the same way he would whenever Sarah was by your side.

When you order him to hand over his bag, he does so without question before telling Ellie to do the same.

She watches him with wide eyes, her hands still up in the air but gaping at her companion as if he had grown a second head.

“Joel!” “Just do it, alright?”

He doesn’t miss the way you watch their interaction with narrowed eyes until she tosses her bag to you and you slowly lower your gun.

“Now, you want to tell me what the fuck you think you’re doin’ at my home?”

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #i had an idea of something similar for tommy but on outbreak night he uh. abandons you instead of getting separated from you #because. angst :D #people say nice things #this was incredibly generous of you anon thank you so so much!#i may get myself a little starbucks drink this week now because I havent had starbucks since like january 1st lol #joel reeling from taking in all this information and also realizing he suckerpunched HIS OWN KID #id like to apologize for all the grammatical issues with this. this is just a bulletpoint word vomit to get my thoughts on the page before-#-beginning the actual fic. also I have to do a midterm tonight and this is my treat to myself hehe #but yes. joel getting separated from his wife on outbreak night and having to accept that shes probably dead #meanwhile youve lived this entire life without him because you think HES dead ad raising your boys all on your own #which just- further digs into his insecurities about failing in his role as a protector #he couldn't save sarah. he can't save ellie and he couldn't even save you #he thinks about you pregnant and alone. fending for yourself in a world full of infected and raiders and his chest grows tight again #this is all followed by Ellie going >:O 'you KNOW THIS PSYCHO?'and then joel immediately snapping at her to WATCH HER MOUTH #because that kid has no filter and he has to explain that youre his wife #anyways joels wife is a badass mfer who also maybe has a little garden and some chickens that you and your boys take care of <3 yeah .#reunion tag #ill be using that for this specific couple because I dont have a fic title yet but if anybody has suggestions!

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