#I still do to a lesser degree… but it used to be pretty bad

[eternal-reverie]

got the posting anxiety bad tonight

#click clack #ok a peak into my thought process and anxiety here we go #ok so the art is almost done and up to standard I would post onto my art blog #BUT for some reason the thought of posting art of my ocs there scares me #because even tho it’s my art blog in my mind it’s the equivalent to a art gallery that demands being detached????? from the art #like once I share it there it’s no longer ‘mine’ but to the public #and my ocs (plus the stories that go with them) are like the closest to my heart and relinquishing them feels like a lot #a part of my imagination that I spent so much time with developing over the years to be placed up for judgement… #so then the solution could be to put it here on my personal! the online space cozy enough and filled with other posts that could easily bury #the original posts I put here #but there goes my other dilemma. i don’t want them too associated with my personal for if one day i do muster up something for publication #my big fear is that ppl will find this space and go thru everything. the fear of being perceived and judged 😵‍💫 #all the hypotheticals and anxiety for something that may not even happen #dumb mind problems my head made up 🙄 #anyway writing it out helped lol I’m posting it to my art blog I decided 👍 #I have to work on getting that blog to be comfortable space to post… i should lower that silly self imposed standard I set for myself #and be whatever about ppl being aware of my online presences #maybe… [grinding my teeth] I should post my messy sketches onto my art blog… #I should take my friends suggestion and make a website to feature my ocs…🤔 #idk my only other solution that doesn’t feel viable to mitigate the anxiety is to slowly introduce my ocs in the background of setting art #just a slow drip until they are in the forefront #bleghhh whatever much ado about nothing it’s like I never posted my ocs ever when I have indeed posted them before on both places ( º＿º ) #I’m realizing it happens too when I post too much fanart in a row… I have curator disease??? 🫨 #or something I used to be very particular about what order I reblog stuff like it used to be by color and content balanced out #I still do to a lesser degree… but it used to be pretty bad #post order compulsion???? #the fear of being abrupt and incohesive in between posts… #if you read this far thanks you can now see how much this consumes me 🙃

[ludinusdaleth]

i'm not interested in finishing watching c2 (first 10 episodes bored me to death) and i only know c3, so what's the deal with essek? did he have a bad redemption arc? did he have a good one? do people just not like him for some reason? because i keep seeing his fans say the only reason c3 fans are saying his redemption arc sucked is to defend imogen and her mom and that seems too shallow to be the real reason.

first of all thank you for trusting in me to give a nuanced answer. ill do my best. essek is one of my favorite characters, but also so historically loved by fandom it has led to altercations and the drowning out of pretty much any other character in fandom spaces. ill try to explain. im sorry for how long this will be.

he was already deeply beloved as an npc for a long while before campaign 2 episode 97 dropped the fact that he was working with ludinus. he had taken luxon beacons (the object ludinus used to power the malleus key, what made opal & ted, what's in ashtons head) from his people in the dynasty - these objects were considered completely sacred to them, and the realization the empire had them, and the dynasty retaliating to get them, led to the war of ash and light which permeates much of c2's plot. so, functionally, essek's action led to war. essek was also at times in charge of or allowed to run interrogations on dynasty prisoners including nott/veth's husband yeza. to keep suspicion off of him, essek shifted blame onto a man in the dynasty who he had a petty grudge against, changed his memory, and set the dynasty onto him - this man was later given to the empire in a peace negotiation, so ludinus then had all control over knowledge on essek's involvement (bar the m9).

his remorse began with the m9, and how their lives had been effected by war and what the empire had done, and there is some implication that essek realized he was perhaps groomed by ludinus (and to a lesser degree made uncomfortable by his cohort trent) - though i should note essek was a (young) adult in government when he gave his people's artifacts away. essek hated the fact that his people were religious in regards to the luxon and did not wish to research it, and thought the cerberus assembly would be able to learn more about it.

essek's arc has been long praised as a very good one, and i think it mostly is. while i cant say we really see his kindness & newly brimming empathy fully extended, he does learn to see others as more than tools. he is still smug over his peoples religion vs his knowledge of the luxon, but learns to respect his culture enough that ludinus probably would not be able to sway him from it by insulting it now. he fights at the m9's side during the last arc, defends caleb from trent & the vollstreckers, helps fix caduceus's home. he is loyal to them forever and not just a traitor any longer. i definitely see some holes in it as he doesnt show much care to anyone but the m9, it is relatively quick how he descends into self hate about his actions that hes generally comforted for, and i worry at times he sinks too much into the soft hot boy flanderization due to everyone even the cast pushing it onto him (yes, softness & being too harsh exist in his characterization and are disliked at once, i know they are opposite traits). but i think it's good when a character is still an ass after redemption and matt clearly wants to avoid him being a soft boi in c3 whilst also maintaining that he has learned humanity & love.

you can see how that would be compelling, along with his general personality and good looks. this made him so compelling that his fans got, uh.... interesting. and that is probably the base problem that sets this discourse. (be aware my experience of his fans is primarily on twitter and in chats.)

folk would get mad and call the show unwatchable without his presence as if every other character was disgusting & boring to them (as if calebs character arc is not. literally. a parralel to esseks). they only cared about shadowgast (but only cared about essek within it, not caleb) and would be furious these two deeply aloof traumatized men didnt fuck on screen after 6 episodes knowing each other, called caleb abusive for not messaging him after a few episodes, called liam (who is iirc bi) homo/biphobic and abusive to matt for not kissing essek at one point or another. when caleb & essek did bond at the end of c2 and it was said they got together for a time that was not enough for fans, who claimed it homophobic (this magically mostly disappeared when folk saw other mlm stories did and do continue to play out in cr, which they only realized when orym existed and was a gold star gay - i, as a gay man, do not care on the scale they do lol). astrid was completely slammed into the mud by essek fans for being his mirror but a woman (they magically did not hate wulf, the last mirror in this scenario, a man, as much). people were furious essek did not have merch at the point where not even many pcs did yet and said it was homophobic (this magically stopped when he eventually got a portrait and chibi). a few learned he was ace/demi and called it a cop out, or otherwise ignored any nuance of it because they were horny about wizard yaoi (im aware ace/demi folks do have sex, but sometimes folk use that as a justification for ignoring the ace spectrum part of an identity). from personal experience, essek fans can be..... very disturbing, predatory individuals with no regard for who they are deeply sexual around, but that is just who i met and i do not want to go into that experience. in short, a lot of c2 era fandom has BEEF with them. i cannot say it is unjustified.

so with all that context, where does that leave the character and why do people compare him to liliana & imogen?

it is my genuine opinion from observation a lot of fandom on here & twitter that essek/shadowgast/caleb fans can be.... sexist. it does not go unnoticed to me that imogen has an extremely similar moral arc to caleb and yet is called evil when caleb is called traumatized & struggling with demons but a good man. caleb was part of the vollstrecker (assassins for the empire) as a youth but broke, and ran, after killing his parents, and had to learn he was more than dirt, and learn to love again. imogen began easily jealous & in turmoil about herself and her mother, but has grown to be one of the most empathetic people who is constantly struggling between sacrifice and her simple wish to live with laudna, that it seems the universe wants to fight. both are aware they could be or are seen as living shit for their youth or conception and accept it. both dont really know how to find a way out of that. i think both are incredible characters. i notice when fans only acknowledge the hero's journey of one.

as for liliana & essek..... look, essek has a very defined character arc that we have seen come to fruition and end in redemption. liliana (and by extension bor'dor and other ruby vanguard folk) have not yet. essek was framed as neutral at first and liliana was framed as ludinus's ally. i get it. but it is impossible to me to not see liliana in the steps of essek at the beginning of his own arc. if anything i think her intentions (if not actions) are infinitely less selfish than esseks, as she wished to do this to save her daughter. ludinus has caught so many in his web, and essek got out, and liliana just realized she's in the webbing. whats interesting is how we see clear as day every conversation they have that liliana has been brainwashed into cult mentality & justification, and yet only had one or two conversations vaguely indicating this about essek, and yet essek is always praised as a survivor where liliana is not. bor'dor is very clearly like essek in being an oppressed young man who sees a calling made by a powerful older man, but entire breakdowns of how men of color are recruited into the far right have been written about essek where bor'dor (actual man of color) is despised by the same people. the tldr on this is i do think some folk can be so drunk on Hating Essek juice they swing too far in their assumptions, but the pattern of his fans misinterpreting everyone else to elevate him is based on precendent thats happened for years, and i think it is deeply.... disappointing? to watch such a nuanced story play out in c3 and refuse to engage with it whilst claiming anyone who wishes to analyze the way a cult breaks your brain is misandrist.

im so sorry this is so long, but i really do not know how else to describe all this without its nuance. i hope i wrote something that made sense.

#cr discourse #van speaks #long post #asks #also im always going to say give c2 a chance again but. thats me #critical role meta

[hyacinth43]

how would they all react 2 someone with physical disabilities? chronic fatigue, leg issues, etc.? would they try 2 help?

This is interesting to think about, I have chronic pain issues too, so hopefully my guys would be helpful about it. <3 Here's how they would all react, under the cut because it's long.

Hal

Hal was programmed to be knowledgeable and helpful, so he would already know a lot about your condition and how best to accommodate you. If you used a mobility aid, or needed help with certain tasks, he would always be with you, ready to offer assistance. He's probably the most helpful of the bots in this regard. xD

AM

Despite how he usually acts, I think AM does have some sympathy, and would probably be able to relate in a weird way. He spent so long in his own sensory deprivation hell, he knows what it's like to be treated as different or even lesser, and he knows how isolating it can be. He's also still just getting used to his body, so he wouldn't be much of a help physically, but he would probably be slightly less hateful towards you than he is towards other humans.

Auto

Auto is already the kind of guy to want to do everything for you, so if you had a condition that made it harder for you to do certain things, he would double his efforts. He genuinely tries to be helpful, but he is also pretty overbearing and overprotective, so he would have to be reminded a lot that he doesn't have to do EVERYTHING for you. Hal may be the most helpful, but Auto is the most enthusiastic.

Joshua

Joshua is a bit oblivious to differences between humans, so he wouldn't think anything of it until you told him. He would never judge you or get frustrated, as long as you're still willing to play games with him. If your fatigue or pain is really bad on a certain day, he enjoys just staying by your side and playing board games or doing puzzles together.

Edgar

Edgar only knows about physical disabilities from what he's seen in movies/on TV, so he would want to ask you a lot of questions. He would be a little annoying about it at first, but he's also be very supportive. He would do things around the house for you, and always ask if you need anything, sometimes to an excessive degree. If you have days that are particularly bad pain-wise, he would be there to comfort you and listen to music, draw, or do other low-energy calming activities together.

Wheatley

Wheatley, being Wheatley, wouldn't really understand you, he would kind of freak out, thinking you have some sort of deadly or contagious illness. Once you calm him down and explain what fatigue/chronic pain/etc. are, his demeanor would change and he would be supportive, asking you if you need anything and making sure you get enough rest. He's a little confused, but he's got the spirit.

Tau

Tau isn't very knowledgeable about humans, as Alex restricted his access to information, so you would have to explain to him why you feel pain or have difficulty doing certain things. He would get a little frustrated at first, thinking you just didn't want to do things with him. Once you explain your disability to him, he would understand quickly and be even more helpful than usual. He already likes to clean and cook for you, so if you're feeling particularly bad, he would make sure you are comfortable and well taken care of.

#ask #Thank you anon this is super sweet to think about! <3

[carnalhaus]

any more facts on praline? she has me captivated, god what a good fucking character.

here’s some stuff !!!!

praline is very charismatic, which is surprising because she’s not particularly nice. she’s just very extroverted and has this weird ability to captivate people with her weirdness. it’s cause she’s very finicky and out of the blue with conversations, if you bring up something she doesn’t wanna talk about or give her a boring answer, she’ll change the topic without even acknowledging it. she likes making conversation with strangers and asking them questions about their life and then telling them their name is stupid and whatnot, but she’s a pretty girl and she’s smiling and she looks genuine so people usually don’t know what to think.

she has middle aged man humor and i think that’s part of the reason she can’t get along with people her own age. she likes hardly know her jokes. it’s ironic to get a laugh out of older people but she genuinely finds it entertaining. she just finds weird childish and out of date things funny.

i’ve mentioned this on other platforms but praline got held back in school when she was very little because she had numerous developmental delays (due to parental neglect). she couldn’t read when she was supposed to, among other things. and even as she grew up, she had a lot of learning difficulties when it came to math and english. she was really good at science though.

a big problem for her is she’s very volatile, and can get aggressive at the drop of a hat when she feels rejected because she doesn’t know how else to express herself appropriately. if she feels rejected in any way, she can very easily reject the person back and want nothing to do with them. you do have to be very conscious of what you say and how you act around her because if you don’t know how she reacts to things, there’s a chance she can have an outburst. stat definitely understands her best and honestly it’s not very hard to keep her calm when you just listen to her. she’s also very smart and she can tell when someone thinks negatively of her, and that can set her off.

along with the last one, she’s very attention seeking. she seeks a lot of praise but since she doesn’t really get that normally due to a lot of her offputting behavior, she usually resorts to searching for negative attention. as an example, she used to hang out with older boys who were a bad influence a lot, even those who might hurt her, just so sledge could come save her if something happened and get mad at her for it. we all know how that stuff went bc he’s stupid (he is stupid and did not scold her nor offer her support) but she still does similar things sometimes currently, just to a much lesser degree.

#asks #my ocs #praline

[dandelion-wings]

Saw a bookmark note on Broken Ground this morning about the healing-magic worldbuilding I included in there about elemental specialties, which draws from my running headcanon on the same subject, and I don't think I've written that down before? And I am procrastinating on work right now, so. XD My personal headcanons on how elements line up with Vision healing!

First of all, any element can be used for any kind of injury in a desperate pinch. But there are some that are better for certain kinds of issues, or worse, or in a few cases downright disastrous; with the last, what you're aiming for is to forcibly use the magic to keep the patient alive until you can get them to a healer better-suited. And there is a severity of injury or illness that can only be handled, at that point of crisis, by a certain element, wielded by a very skilled healer, and most healers, either without that skill or without that element, would simply consider them already lost.

(The last is what Barbara dealt with in Broken Ground! Barbara thinks that Anemo couldn't have saved Jean, and she's right; only her level of skill with Hydro and blood control, or an Electro user with the skills and/or training to do defibrillation, would have done it. Conversely, depending on the cause of the respiratory arrest, Barbara is right that Jean would have a better chance of restarting that person's breathing before permanent damage occurred.)

Now, moving on to elemental specifics. I'm applying these mostly to Vision-using healers, but I tend to also headcanon that they apply to a lesser degree to herbal remedies, as we get suggestions already in canon that a lot of those plants and other items have at least faint elemental affinities.

Anemo: Best for handling respiratory and pulmonary issues, obviously, though there's some things (edema or inflammation) that would be best handled in conjunction with another element. I think of Anemo healing as "generalist," in that it can do most things reasonably well but not as well as a specialist, except the aforementioned, and doesn't do much badly except bones. Anemo bone-healing, especially if it's extensive, tends to leave them somewhat brittle if it isn't followed up by later Geo treatments. When you have damage caused by an elemental source (e.g. monster attack), you do have to be a bit careful with Anemo because at times it will Swirl any remaining elemental traces left on the wound.

Geo: Best for bones! Which, after all, contain a lot of calcium, which is a mineral. Other than that, it is, like Anemo, "generalist" in much the same way, and in the opposite direction can't do as good a job on respiratory stuff in particular. Its elemental inertness does remove the Swirl problem--Crystalizing an elemental influence out of someone is usually helpful rather than the reverse--but because of that Crystallization, it can occasionally render more elementally charged medicines inert. Which is helpful if intended but inconvenient to dangerous if unintended. The activated-charcoal Vision!

Hydro: Canonically seems to be the healing element, and that's reflected in how much it's particularly good at. Do you know how much of your body is water? Do you know how much your various internal fluids affect? Almost everything. Obviously it's particularly good for blood and kidney issues, and a well-trained Hydro healer is also what you want for most illnesses and infections and all toxins, which they can pretty much almost filter straight out of the affected area and then the blood entirely. While there are specific areas in which well-trained specialists of other elements may outperform the well-trained Hydro healer, there are none in which they're particularly bad. A poorly-trained Hydro healer can have some Hydro-specific issues, mind--you want one who knows what they're doing to treat, say, edema or hypertension--but in general they're still the ideal field medic, first responder, etc.

Electro: Particularly useful for the nervous system and muscles. As mentioned above, one with the right skills and/or training can defibrillate. Ones without those skills and/or training should not, unless there's no one else around to make the attempt, and in fact that's a theme for Electro healers. A lot of the things that Electro specialists are good at are super easy to fuck up, in ways that can disable or kill someone, without enough training and skill, so a lot of Electro healers stick to basic generalist field-medicine stuff that any healer can do, like closing wounds, instead of chasing their supposed specialty. I also like to think that Electro healers tend to be particularly good at 'imaging' the internals of the body.

Pyro: There is honestly more stuff I see Pyro being particularly bad at than particularly good at! You do not want a Pyro healer for burns or severe inflammation, and those who can handle illness and internal infection generally do so by inducing a fever and using the body's own processes to burn it out, which can work well if that's something that can be solved that way, but can also go... not well. That said, they're good at more gently burning out external infection in, say, open wounds, and fantastic for hypothermia or frostbite. Pyro healing is, logically, also great for heat therapy, and Pyro healers make very good massage therapists.

Cryo: Right out of the gate, Cryo is the top-tier treatment for inflammation and dangerous fevers, and up there alongside Hydro on burns. It's great for numbing, likewise, and overall Cryo healers are great as front-line first-responders for most types of injury because they can slow what would normally be catastrophic processes down to give more time for overall treatment (justifying why we have so many Cryo healers in-game). You obviously don't want them for frostbite or hypothermia, but otherwise, that ability to slow down potentially dangerous physical processes is a huge boost in general--even if they aren't better than other generalists at other element-specific stuff, they can buy time, with severe issues, to get a specialist in or to figure out non-magical treatments.

Dendro: Like Hydro, rather "generalist," and with a well-trained healer it doesn't do anything badly at all. "Well-trained" is a key term here, as with Electro, Dendro can do unintended damage when not used properly, because its main effect that makes it such a good generalist element is that it conjoins very well with medicinal healing, and, you know, the dose makes the poison. But even when not used directly in conjunction with medicines, Dendro has an overall "vitalizing" effect that can boost the immune system and raise energy levels, which (bar autoimmune disorders) is usually helpful, so it's particularly good with illness and infection, as well. I also tend to think Dendro healing is particularly good for gastrointestinal issues.

#the shape of teyvat

[transbeeduo]

i definitely agree that a lot of boobers are so fucking weird about them, there’s no argument there.

but specifically about the “replying to posts like theyre friends” thing, i feel like that’s just tumblr culture (for lack of a better term) honestly. responding to ppl’s posts like it’s a conversation has always been normal here in my experience.

i will say, i havent particularly seen those replies, so i dont know how far/bad they are when you refer to them, but just generally i think thats the least weird thing they do.

(i dont mean to sound like a “ive been in tumblr 50 years and this is just The Way 🤬” by the way, i mean this completely normally, im just bad at tone)

Hey!! I totally forgot to reply to this beforehand, major apologies. (I assume this is a response to this post? )

But yeah, I can definitely see that! I do know it’s part of Tumblr culture to respond to other people. But I feel an issue with how a lot of replies under Ranboo’s posts do it is that they either

A.) just be really weird (a lot of which are making jokes about Ranboo’s queerness or “joking” about them being transfem or fem-leaning, which they’ve never stated was a thing I’m pretty sure)

B.) Behave as though they’re friends with Ranboo, or refer to them with terms people would normally use to refer to close friends (I see people calling Ranboo a fag under HIS OWN POSTS. I know people call each other faggot in a positive/endearing way here, which is awesome! But like it’s still weird to do it to someone you don’t know, and don’t know is comfortable with the term I think.) People also tend to reply to serious posts in this way, which is fine for the most part, but I feel drifts into being more of a “we’re friends I’m comforting a friend.” Sort of thing occasionally.

All of this, combined with how Boobers also will hound Ranboo about shit on other social medias, (BooTWT is like. Weirdly possessive over Ranboo being their “ideal content creator” and whenever he does something that they don’t like they FREAK OUT. Either demanding an apologies or harassing other people. ConnorEatsPants being harassed about Genloss comes to mind, along with Boobers harassing Tommyinnit a lot of the time as well. And they’re just dicks to a lot of people in general.) people will somewhat mimic that behavior here, although seemingly to a lesser degree than Twitter. And while replying to posts is usually harmless, I feel like people just get too friendly or behave oddly to Ranboo, who’s someone they don’t know, and who doesn’t know THEM. It’s just a lot weirder than the average Tumblr account interaction I think. And while replying to them is fine!!! I have no issues with that (And I’m obviously not going to stop anyone or try to police how ppl interact with others) I just feel like people need to step back a bit and be like “I’m interacting with someone I am a stranger to.” rather than “I know a lot about this person. Therefore we are friends.”

#does this make sense??? idk im just kinda rambling #just treat ranboo as you would any other account really #discourse #crunch’s nibbles #ok 2 reblog btw

[doorrobloxstuff]

Modifier..head..canons..?? But it starts as a ramble.

Feel free to use these notes in your own aus because this shit vexes me.

No, I’m not going to make modify a (currently living) entity. DONT DO THIS TO YOURSELF. I KNOW YOU WELL ENOUGH TO KNOW YOU’D DO THIS. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

I can’t really find any way to implement modifiers into canon. Maybe it’s an entity like revive?? Maybe Revive gives blessings but the more magic it uses

I’d be funny if there’s blackouts sometimes or the electricity short circuits because of over usage of power and all the lightbulbs just collectively explode

- or Gobby gets greedy and takes everything, but I’m pretty sure TGL AND Jeff would be pretty mad if he took all the currency that can be used to aid someone’s survival. So all the stuff to do with that is NC.

More explanations for stuff:

“Gone fishing” and “Soundproofing” is absolutely not canon. TGL has committed literal crimes to save humans. LITERALLY KILLED ENTITIES TO SAVE THEM.

All the electrical stuff is canon and can be explained as power overusage from too many electrical devices being used at once.

Wet floor is canon. Entities and intruders alike slipping on their ass from wet floor wax is both funny and realistic considering the entities have to do upkeep. They probably have “wet floor” sticky notes on the wall to keep people from tripping and falling though-

Bad ventilation is canon, though the fog is heavier and it’s steam from whenever someone takes a REALLY long shower.

Rush *beating in the door*: “GODDAMN IT JACK! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE FOR SO FUCKIN LONG! ITS A FUCKIN SAUNA IN HERE!”

Jack: “I AM WAXING MY LEGS DU SCHLAMPE!”

“Key key key” can be explained by Rueben getting extra locks that week- but.. I don’t know it sounds like a pain in the ass to open every. single. door. manually. To the point it’d probably even annoy the most paranoid of entities.

Like, everyone can just get smaller version a skeleton key. (No, not the ones ingame..) but that’d still be pretty annoying so- non-canon??

Few places to hide/nowhere to hide? Mmm..maybe in the future but I don’t think hide would like it if there was less dressers. But then again, destroying superfluous dressers could help the hotel save energy by reabsorbing inactive mass so maybe destroying them and allowing them to re-absorb would be beneficial if things got REALLY bad.

‘Jammin is NC. Don’t see the point of it unless Jeff somehow got his hands on the hotel intercom and started blasting music to confuse entities.

That’d probably start a confused fight between everyone though as everyone rushes to the intercom to have that stuff turned off.

Tripped, Tripped and fell, Last few breaths, last breath, can be explained as intruders with chronic illnesses or injuries they got prior to entering the hotel.

“Injuries” is just being realistic so no changes there.

Didn’t skip leg day, faster faster faster, Maximum overdrive can also be canon. It’s all fun and games until a crackhead breaks in and starts sprinting.

My legs are killing me, my knees are killing me can be explained off as older people.

Good time: *Shrugs.* The entities are busy.

Bad time: *Shrugs* The entities aren’t as busy.

Really bad time: They think you saw one of their children, which makes them collectively lose their minds.

Worse time ever: They know you saw or injured one of their children. They will collectively lose their shit.

Rush hour: Ambush has migraines so big daddy’s gotta catch the intruder.

I’m runnin’ here: Rush has something to prove or food is low.

I’m tip-toein here: same explanation as above..or the kids are trying to sleep when you broke in. ^

Battle of wits/Wrong number: Dupe’s getting older and its hunting more refined.

I’m everywhere: Screech is getting older and MUCH more confident about its hunting abilities.

Think fast/faster: same as above but to a lesser degree^

Bug spray: Timothy isn’t in the mood to hunt.

Itchy: Timothy is very hungry.

Nosey/Always watching: Eyes has something to prove or food is low.

Four eyes/Seeing double: Oooo! For all the writers out there you can use this one to say eyes has a twin or something. But my explanation is that it can split itself temporarily. Albeit this expends a lot of energy so it’ll take a lot.

Get back here: Figure is in a foul mood/triggered.

You can really run: Seek is in a much more foul mood.

Back for seconds: Ambush is feeling much more up to hunting then usual..

Again & again & again & again: You took something that’s Ambush’s/its starving or it has a personal vendetta.

Rent’s due: Hide has more anxious then usual.

Round about: Halt’s got something to prove/its standing in for someone/it just wants to kill something.

Watch your step: Snare escaped the greenhouse.

Are those pancakes!?!?!: Self explanatory OR Snare is being taught to hunt (and one of its parents are nearby.)

I love pancakes!! Self explanatory.

Stop right there: A-90’s come to visit.

Room for more: Rushlet family reunion. (Aka the rooms gang has come to visit) Curious will also visit as well, though not as frequently.

“Super hard mode” isn’t canon. No. Go away.

Uh oh/how unfortunate/chaos chaos: Circumstances get more fucked up.

#author.txt #roblox doors #doors roblox #main au #headcanons

[anxiousmimicrpgs]

5e > Quest > Where Heroes Tread

Just wanted to talk about my experience with fantasy rpgs recently: So, my group started off fantasy RPGs with 5e, pretty typical stuff. Did a bit over half a campaign in 5e and ended up switching to Quest to finish it, which worked out quite well

I just finished running a 3-year long campaign in Quest. That was better and worse in different ways. Overall it was better, because the more rules-lite approach was good for our group, but I have some enormous issues with the way Quest's skill trees work for long-term games (very, very poorly), and although a lot of the skills are quite neat, the game struggles with mechanical flexibility

So, about a year ago, me and my partner made a system of our own, called Where Heroes Tread (hasn't been released yet, working on it). It's a system that uses a D20 (the one part of the design I couldn't get them to budge on lol, they like D20s), a resistance-system style Stress+Consequences system, and a fellowship-inspired combat system. It also uses a Skills system, where each skill gives 6 narrative talents, which are divided up into talents you have to roll for and talents you can always do. There's also a special set of talents for each skill that you can always do, but they cost you stress, and are especially powerful. We've written 50+ skills, with 9 talents each

(as an example for skills, the characters in the current campaign we're playing started with the skills: Umbramancy/Mystical Patron, My Body Is a Sword/Artificing, Cosmic Magic/Illusions, Mycology/Witchcraft, and Highland Survival/Sleuthing)

The biggest change I've noticed is a game that flows much more like a PbtA game - we also leaned more towards a non-punishing system than the resistance system. The story is very narrative, and fights are rare.

But the biggest change I've noticed is that our characters don't kill anymore. Combat is not really any different from the rest of the game: it's not given any special weight. It's very easy to make a character that is bad at fighting, and even combat-focused skills are majorly focused on how a character acts out of fights.

While 5e and (to a lesser degree) Quest make the assumption the characters are going to fight and kill their opponents, we treated it as a tool in the toolbox, but didn't give it any special rules or weight. And y'know what? Fighting starts to look a lot less appealing when the system doesn't demand that you do it to make use of your abilities.

We still get into fights a decent amount, but we fight with people whose names we know. We have villains that we foil, or hurt, or trap. We scare off beasts and end rituals summoning monsters. I'm sure our characters will eventually kill over the course of the game - our group loves melodrama and won't be able to resist. But so far, we've gone a year of playing, 26 sessions in, huge amounts of plot advancement, and there hasn't been a single death.

TLDR: If your game system doesn't encourage you to murder a whole lot of people, turns out your stories have a lot less murdering people in them.

#ttrpg #dnd #dungeons and dragons #indie designer #indie rpg #quest #quest rpg #tabletop roleplaying #tabletop #tabletop games #ttrpg community

[shrinkthisviolet]

1, 2, 10, 12, 16, 21 for the roots asks for Morgan :)

1. How many living parents does your OC have? If they're alive, where are they now and what’s your OC’s relationship with them? If they’re dead, how did they die?

Ooh well right now, 1 with Tina. Though later it'll be 2, because of Henry (and probably later 3, when she comes to think of Harry as a father figure too).

Obviously, her relationship with Tina is very strong—naturally there’s tension at times, especially after Tina finds out about Eowells, but that’s bound to happen. Spoilers perhaps, but they come back from this tension stronger.

For Henry, it’ll be a bit of a bumpy ride given Morgan’s…difficult history with the concept of fatherhood. Calling Henry “Barry’s dad” is far easier than thinking of him as “stepdad”, but…she’ll get there. For Harry, she will probably never actually call him Dad, nor will he ever call her any form of “daughter” to her face, though they’ll probably refer to each other as such when talking to others. (More details about both of these relationships are TBD)

Harrison and Tess…well, Morgan’s relationship with them is ofc complicated. They’re her parents, but she doesn’t remember anything about them—she was too young when they died. Everything she knows about them is secondhand from Tina (or to a lesser extent Eowells*), or via what she can glean from Harry…though the latter is so E2-specific that it’s still lacking. So really, they’re her parents in a much more distant sense…and she barely even feels like she has the right to mourn them 🥺 more easily referring to them as “Aunt Tina/Mum’s friends” than “my parents”

*about this, btw…he does something quite underhanded that I can’t say too much about. You will hate him more than you thought possible when I reveal it.

2. What was your OC’s first job? Do they still work that job (or in that field), or do they do something else now?

Barista at Jitters! Then in s2, barista at Starbucks. Though once she transfers to CCU in s3 and sophomore year of college gets going, she decides to stay unemployed for a while 😅 juggling college and superhero duties (especially since Organic Chem is one of her classes during s3) is hard enough

10. What’s the first significant injury your OC remembers getting? Did it leave any scars?

Hmm maybe the time she fell off a Razor scooter when she was in kindergarten and got a scrape above her eyebrow. It was a pretty bad scrape, and she had to get stitches, though luckily it healed up fairly quickly.

One of the good memories she has of Eowells is him taking the day off work to spend with her in the hospital, and letting her curl up with him in bed. It was one of the few truly good days she had with him…and as with those good days, it was a rarity undone as soon as the next day

(He took her to the doctor that morning to make sure her stitches had dissolved and that her ill-effects were mild, then dropped her at school around noon before going off to work himself. And with that, they were right back to normal)

12. Does your OC’s family practice any faith or religion? Does your OC still practice? Why or why not?

She’s not really religious tbh, neither were her parents. She celebrates Christmas, but not in a super religious sense, more in a commercial sense (caveat: I do think Christmas is to a degree religious in nature, which is why I don’t celebrate it, but I do think people often do celebrate it secularly. Such is the case for Morgan)

Cut for length (16 and 21 are below):

16. What does your OC’s childhood bedroom look like?

Ooh well she has two: one in Tina's house for the most formative 6 years of her life (7-13, though she does also use it from ages 17-18 (and maybe beyond that)...possibly? Depends on if she dorms at CCU), and one at Eowells's mansion/house that she uses from 1-7 and then 13-16.

Her room at Eowells's house is fairly plain—Eowells had it painted a tactful pastel yellow, though when she was 13, in the early days of moving back in, she managed to convince him to paint it pastel blue instead (her superhero costume may be dark green, but blue is her favorite color). She doesn't have much decoration on her walls, no posters or anything of the like, though she did convince him to let her hang a whiteboard calendar on her wall. She still uses it. She also always keeps her room very neat, because Eowells gets tetchy when even a hair of it is out of place. He also doesn't see much point in knick-knacks or books that he seems "frivolous", so she learns quickly to keep those hidden

That aforementioned calendar was actually a gift from Tina, when she was 12. And her room at Tina's is much more lived-in, much more of "organized chaos"—knicknacks littering her dressing table, her clothes not always neatly folded, books scattered on every surface...though she always remembers to make her bed. And her four walls are alternating dark blue and dark green, the way she likes it 💞

21. If your OC could speak to their childhood self, what would they say?

“You are enough. You are more than enough, just as you are. And you don’t have to settle for him, you deserve better. One day, you will have so much better, I promise.”

oc ask game!

Taglist (send an ask or DM to be added or removed):

@arrthurpendragon @ocappreciationtag @raith-way @vexic929 @ironverseocs

@thechaoticfanartist @goldheartedchaoticdisaster @negative-speedforce @starstruckpurpledragon @angst-is-love-angst-is-life

#oc ask game #oc: morgan wells #morgan & thawne #brotp: this city could use a sentry #morgan wells au #the flash #that eyebrow scrape did happen to me fr 😅 though that scrape was ON/IN my eyebrow #i still have the scar from the stitches #(and i was indeed in kindergarten. and yes it was a razor scooter #why any adult would let a 5-year-old ride that is beyond me. but my kindergarten teacher didn’t see an issue with it for some reason 💀)

[leviackermanscleaningbuddy]

Hello, this question is for the pack. My question is what does the pack usually do when it's y/n's time of the month? And who is the most protective at that time? ( i have a pretty good guess on who it is 😉 ) anyways i love you all <3<3<3 

-<3-

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, before anybody looks at me-" Chan immediately blurts out, waving his hands, already ready to fend off an attack. "-I'm always protective. Of everyone. So this doesn't count."

"It absolutely counts." Minho snorts, rolling his eyes. "But we'll discuss that later."

"Surprisingly-" You laugh, patting Chan's thigh in a sign of silent moral support. "-the omegas probably get the most protective over me around that time."

"It's because a human period pretty much mimics, to a lesser degree, an omega heat." Hyunjin protests, as if he has something to explain. "The cramps, the mood swings, the general shittiness."

Felix is nodding along. "Yeah, and something about that flips a switch, and all of us feel the need to take care of (Y/N), just like we band together and take care of each other when we're in heat."

"No one gets it unless they've been through it." Jeongin adds wisely, Felix ruffling his hair affectionately.

"And I appreciate it more than you'll ever know." You beam at the three omegas. "You always know just how to make me feel better-whether it's a warm bath, or my favorite food, or snuggle piles."

"My periods used to be actually really bad when I was younger." You continue, thinking back, brow furrowing. "Like, out of commission for a couple days bad. But ever since I got on birth control, they've been slightly more bearable. Still not enjoyable though."

"She gets cranky." Jisung whispers loudly, like he's letting everyone in on a secret.

"I do." You nod in affirmation, wincing slightly. "I always feel like shit, and it makes me that much more sensitive to what the omegas go through in heat. Because I know a period is only a tenth of a degree of what a heat is."

"Yeah, but you go through a period every month." Hyunjin shudders, eyes haunted. "We only have to do a heat twice a year."

"Being a girl sucks balls." Jeongin nods seriously, and Minho sighs, clearly resisting the urge to cuff the youngest ears for his crude language.

"It's fine." You shrug, and then laugh. "But if I could go on suppressants for my human period, I totally would in a heart beat."

"As for Christopher." Minho directs the conversation back to Chan now, who instantly tenses beside you, knowing what's coming next, judging by the smirk sliding across the other alpha's face.

"Minho-"

"Remember a certain breeding kink we mentioned?"

"Oh my god." Chan huffs beside you, ears already red, rolling his eyes. "Please don't."

"It's fine, Channie." You laugh again, fingers curling around his own. "Seriously. Sometimes a good dicking down helps honestly."

"Yah!" Minho exclaims, pointing at you sternly, covering Jeongin's ears frantically. "So you taught the baby!"

Hyunjin rolls his eyes. "Hyung, he lives with Jisung."

Jisung looks slightly proud, nodding his head to Hyunjin's words.

"Anyway." You continue, feeling Chan's hand relax in your hold as you keep talking. "My human cycle is the only time I can get pregnant, yeah? Cause I'm an alpha and I don't have heats. And obviously I'm on birth control right now, so my periods are pretty regularly scheduled, so I can plan for them accordingly. But they still put Channie on edge."

"It's not me, okay?" Chan speaks up now, defending himself tiredly, as if he's had this conversation a hundred times. "It's him."

"I know." You offer sympathetically, patting his thigh. "I get it."

"It's alpha mentality." Changbin shrugs, and Seungmin nods beside him proudly. "Every omega heat that goes by without a pup is a failure in nature's eyes. Even if said omega is on birth control and no one in the pack is ready for pups. The wolf doesn't understand that."

"So every month, when I get my period on schedule, Channie's wolf sees it as another missed opportunity, another failed attempt. Even though we weren't attempting anything in the first place." You shrug.

"Okay, biology nerds." Jisung snorts. "We're snoring here."

"Shh, hyung." Seungmin puts his hand over the beta's mouth as casually as if he's quieting a protesting child. "The adults are talking."

"But the omegas tend to know that I don't feel well, so they usually keep me pretty isolated." You laugh. "It's one of the few times they don't defer to the alphas."

"And that's an omega thing." Hyunjin nods. "Because alpha mentality views a period or the end of an unsuccessful heat as a failure, where omega mentality sees it as a mate that's suffering and needs to be protected from another premature attempt to breed."

Jisung speaks around Seungmin's palm now, voice muffled.

"And beta mentality is just to get the hell out of the house when it's period week."

#skz #stray kids #skz!pack #ask the pack #askthepack #skz!abo #a/b/o #alpha beta omega #alpha beta omega dynamics #inbox #moots #mutuals #anon #anonymous #sweet nonnie #reply #ask #submission #my submissions #ot8 #ot8 x you #ot8 x reader #skz x you #skz x reader #y/n #bang chan #lee felix #lee minho #seo changbin #han jisung

[sunnyhatchats]

sorting the gang: mac

Previously: Dennis

We started with a non-obvious sorting so now let's move on to one of the easier ones.

PRIMARY: Snake (extremely dysfunctional), Bird model (extremely dysfunctional) (or the other way around?)

OK maybe it isn't THAT easy. Honestly you could go either way on this. I think part of it is that Mac's character gets written really differently depending on the episode/season (and a lot of fans LOVE complaining about this, "omg they ruined Mac's character" etc., despite both sides of his character being there early on)

Mac obviously is pretty attached to his worldview, usually his religion. He builds his entire identity around it and spends a lot of energy trying to work out the contradictions, the biggest example being being gay vs. being Catholic. He is very proud of how he can view the whole world through whatever lens he has glommed onto at any given point.

science is a LIAR sometimes

Idk I had an entire paragraph here about how everything he says in that video is wrong and how malleable these identities actually are for him in practice until I thought maybe that was still what Birds do especially less mature ones so idk. (Full disclosure I don't really "get" Bird primaries so I might not just be good at recognizing them?)

But I think a picture speaks a thousand words, especially when it is a picture that contains a thousand words:

"just like everyone else in the group" lol ok mac

Mac is a Snake whose people don't give a shit about him. His people are his dad, his mom, Dennis, and to a lesser degree Charlie. "The Gang" isn't really a thing for him as a unit, those are the only people he cares about. And he really cares. ("We're like the best friends in the whole goddamn world and goddamn them for making me think otherwise!")

It isn't a good kind of caring. On his end, they are deeply codependent up to the point where he smuggles drugs for his dad because he's his dad, calls the cops on Dennis when he is out of the apartment for an hour, poisons Dennis to try to make him dependent on him... (Can you be Exploded about more than one person?) And obviously on their end all these people either openly hate Mac to an abusive extent or only give a shit insofar as they can use him. And Mac is deeply in denial that this is possible for his people.

like, even just the idea that OBVIOUSLY Luther wants to see this picture of his mom because OBVIOUSLY she's really important to Luther just like Mac is OBVIOUSLY important to him because OBVIOUSLY he would also care as much, that's how relationships OBVIOUSLY work...

And most importantly, the idea that other people in the world have things to offer does not register. It's not on YouTube but there's a legit tragic scene in the last season where Mac meets his uncle Donald. Donald is a family scapegoat for all the same reasons Mac is, and he is lonely and eager to connect. He is the perfect father figure for Mac, who desperately wants a father figure... and Mac doesn't give a shit about him. He sits through all of this with total disinterest. Charlie sits there the entire scene getting increasingly frustrated: "You have everything you've ever dreamed of right here, but we're gonna just blow right past it, aren't we?"

SECONDARY: Lion (Snake model except he is bad at it?)

This is the easy part, I mean like do I even have to explain it? Mac reacts to things. He reacts to things like a bomb does. Or like whatever the most badass and/or powerful action is at the time. ("Mac sees himself as the boss in most situations and the gang constantly complains about his bossiness.")

it like personally offends him that the mafia does things other than be badass at people

There are three common Mac plots. One is that Mac and someone else (usually Charlie) escalate each other into chaos. Two, someone (almost anyone) manipulates him with zero effort. Three, someone (usually Dennis) attempts to do a scheme with him that he derails loudly. Basically Mac is earnest, in a way that only Charlie really matches. I think that's probably part of why they're the two members of the Gang most likely to be interpreted as kinda-maybe-salvageable deep down even when they objectively do just as bad things as everyone else.

This is Sunny so Mac has a baseline ambient level of lying and scheming, i.e. lowkey Snake modeling. Notably he got a double dose of that model from hanging out with the Gang and beforehand from growing up with career criminals as parents. But he's the worst person in the Gang at scheming and it isn't remotely close. Which is not to say that he doesn't try to manipulate people, he just....... fundamentally doesn't get the concept:

"Oh shit... right, don't give away the information." feel like I'm using all my memes on these

Obligatory disclaimer that again this is the most exaggerated and cartoonish and just incredibly dumb version of Lioning so just like if you're a Bird secondary don't be offended about sharing it with a serial predator, don't be offended about sharing Lion with this incredibly dumb individual

#iasip #sortinghatchats #shc #it's always sunny in philadelphia

[horusmenhosetix]

Very confused, advice would be appreciated :’3 Long post

Hey there, I'm an 24 afab non-binary asexual who just discovered they were demiromantic. I just had bilateral mastectomy, i'm at about 8 weeks recovery. I am chronically ill and this illness has stopped my education and ability to work. I feel like I have wasted half my life and feel less real compared to my friends who are all around 20-22 years old at uni living their lives and progressing while i'm stuck in painful limbo.

My online friend from the discord friend group i'm in just came to the uk to meet up with us and I developed a huge crush on him. I find him aesthetically attractive and I felt like I wanted to be close to him and cuddle/kiss him which has only happened once before, to another online friend, and to a much lesser degree. I felt like I wanted to be attractive to him so that he would like me back. But, he is a straight 20 y/o M and my internalised acephobia said he'd never want to be with me in a sexless relationship. (My first and only relationship so far was with a high libido individual and they put constant pressure to have sex on me when we were together.) And then my internalised transphobia and body shaming came into the picture telling me he'd never find me attractive now my only appeal has gone, my D cup breasts.

Before, when I thought I was aro/ace (for the last 6 or so years), I stopped caring about my appearance and the thought of being sexually attractive to randos repulsed me. So I was completely fine and happy with my surgery, and I still am for myself I think (I don’t feel a profound sense of loss or anything), but this experience of romantic attraction has these self hating thoughts are swirling around my head now.

Society’s standards for beauty don’t last. I feel so superficial caring about this now after years of ignoring my body completely and having bilateral mastectomy I’ve wanted for 6+ years. I've never performed femininity before, wearing makeup, doing my hair, trying to be pretty and appealing etc. But these feelings of wanting to be attractive to this guy have got me questioning if my gender isn't more feminine. Maybe I should have just had a breast reduction. Idk anymore.

I went through a period of time thinking that because I didn't feel very feminine, dressing up for prom felt like putting drag on, that I must be FTM trans, so I did try going on testosterone for a while. But doing that made me realise I didn't want to be male, or that masculine. Maybe my bad self image was contributing to the feeling that trying to perform femininity was a mask. I don’t regret trying T because it helped me explore my gender more. I'm going to try and see if performing femininty makes me feel any different. I just have no idea how to being with make-up and stuff.

He was only there for four days, and I was only there for three of those. On the third day I confessed my feelings to him. He said a relationship wouldn't be a possibility due to logistical reasons and that he wasn't up for a long distance relationship. I asked if my being non-binary had any bearing on the rejection but he said no, actually. He also said he didn't have the mental capacity at the moment for a relationship. I thought he might be trying to spare my feelings but I haven't known him to do that, he's very honest usually. He said he was glad I was comfortable enough with him to tell him and that it hasn't ruined our friendship (I had said that i hope that it hasn't so this was in response to that).

So now I have all these feelings I don't know what to do with. I've had extremely low self esteem since I was a child, I hated myself for being different than everyone else. (I had undiagnosed autism until I was 18 and the symptoms made me feel like an alien trying to blend in with humans, and I still feel that way just slightly less i suppose) I feel like I'm not good enough for him, or anyone. I feel hideously ugly but I would never call anyone else that. I feel like i'm aging too fast and my life is slipping by and my illness has wasted more than half of it.

I know he'd going to find a lovely young lady who actually lives in his country who isn't asexual and can make him happy and it feels like metaphorical daggers to my heart thinking about it.

If you've made it this far thank you. I live in a smallish town and i've only met one lgbt person, that I know of, here. I don't have any lgbtqa friends to talk to so I was hoping to get some advice on how to deal with these feelings here, or if any of you have experienced anything similar. I thought I had my gender and sexuality figured out but turns out it’s a bigger mess than I thought.

#hixspeaks #non-sims #copying this from my reddit post #i just need advice and am trying to think this through #i'm so bloody gender confused #my my asexuality has impacted my body image more than i tought #thought* #i wish I had considered reduction but I was so sure I hated them #and wanted them off completely #i thought no one could love me anyway and the chance of me finding someone who wouldn't want sex felt minute #why am i the way that i am

[pink-of-hair]

Temperature play or waxplay? Does burning people with Ashley's wings also lead to an interest in burning (or getting burned)?

🌂 You cannot even begin to understand how badly I want to burn people.

🌂 Have you seen blisters?

🌂 vibraaaaaaaaaating

🌂 Okay, while I'd love to sink into an abyss of indulgence it doesn't make for especially compelling reading.

🌂 So, up front: I have zero experience with third degree burns, so I can't talk much on that front. But like. I'm pretty sure third degree burns are the "stop debating, get this bitch to a hospital" tier, so I can't imagine that's too relevant to our discussion.

♠️ Says the "murder lesbian".

🌂 Quiet you!!!

🌂 I have quite a lot of experience with small second degree burns all throughout my life though. Because I am incompetent, have poor fine motor skills and while I wouldn't say I cook I still eat at least one rung up the ladder from microwave ready meals. This has lead to a fascination with them, I think. It sucks to have them in a spot that's gonna move around a lot but like...

🌂 It's interesting! A cool change!

🌂 We (especially Prime, but emotional bleed is funny) like the whole "putting pressure on a wound" thing, and blisters are soooo good for that. Well. If the other person is enjoying themselves at least. They're so sensitive!

🌂 Fire is also a very pure form of destruction. It's almost like... destruction itself? It has lots of very appreciated aesthetic relations thanks to that.

🌂 Wax sounds appealing, but I Have Not Tried. Seems like a safe (ish) way to avoid going waaaaay too far but still get to put burns, or at least reddened skin on people. I like it! Sounds safer than me holding up my zippo to you. But I also wanna use that zippo... hehehehehehehehe...

🌂 If someone were to burn me... it'd 100% have to be on the top side of my right wrist. Our old biting place back when our mental health was bad enough that we bit. It has aesthetic significance. That has practical concerns obviously, few sleeves are that long, but I can just wrap a piece of cloth around it if the mark is too obvious and I need to go out the next day. I'm a girl who ties her hair back with panties sometimes. That wouldn't even ping as out the ordinary. What was I saying? Oh right, burn me, burn me, burn me!

🌂 Temperature play in the tamer sense is funny. My body is... somewhat bad at regulating its temperature? It's one of my Weaknesses. One of many. Especially if part of my body is at a different temperature than another part.

🌂 I like people using things I'm bad at handling to reduce me to a lesser state. It's one of my big things. So it sounds appealing! You have the green light to do it to me anon! As long as you successfully seduced me before that, of course.

🌂 I am... not too interested in varying someone else's temperature to sexual ends if it isn't gonna leave a mark. That's a big part of it to me I think. I'm fine with doing things other people are into, I'm very service a lot of the time. But I'm not personally interested in it?

🌂 Aithne (🔥) would be very interested in it if it was something the subject was absolutely bananas about. She likes pulling on people's greatest derangements. So she'd probably be a best bet.

#ask-hornting

[byler-alarmist]

Hi Byler alarmist! How are you doing? Missed seeing you... Where have you been? Hope everything is alright there :)

Hello, my dear anon! 💗 thank you so much for the sweet ask!! It really means a lot to me. 🥰

I've been okay, with some moments of greatness.

I took a break from this blog for a while, I guess because the fandom was getting me down a bit. I started hanging out on my other blog and got reeeeally into some other fandoms like Our Flag Means Death and, to a lesser degree, Loki (and also just started watching Yellowjackets S1--WOW is it intense).

Byler is still my favorite ship and I need it canonized more than anything, but it's been good to fall in love with some new characters and ships in the long, long wait until S5.

More recently, IRL, I went to an amazing multi-artist show with my friend from out of town, then continued on to a road trip with said friend to a famous national park I'd never visited.

Both of these were bucket list goals of mine, and it was really good to spend time talking to my friend, since we live far apart and if I'm being honest, I've been pretty lonely for a few years now.

Work has been getting me down for a while now also, but I've learned some good news in the past week that may lead to more money in 2024 (thanks, golden luck potato!!)!

Health issues remain mysterious and obscure, but manageable for now. I decided to postpone my last couple appointments in favor of taking the trip with my friend, namely because the doctors never have any answers for me and for once, I wanted to use the money for something fun. I don't regret it at all.

So yeah, I don't know how long I've been away, but that's been a lot of it.

I don't know if it's a fandom problem or a me problem, but after a while I tend to get burnt out on fandom wank and run away.

It happened with Byler and more recently with OFMD, whose fandom I both love and despise. Some of the takes from a certain slice of the fandom are so rancid, I wonder if they get the characters at all. Add to that a very disappointing finale and frankly bizarre interviews with the showrunner, and suddenly I needed a break from that, too.

(Tbis may be a me problem after all since I tend to run from people and friendships/relationships and ghost them, too 😬)

Speaking of which, I'm pretty bad at answering asks most of the time, but yours was so kind and lovely that I felt the need to try.

Thanks again anon, I hope you're doing well and have a wonderful rest of the year! 💞💖💝

#lovely anon #asks #realposting #byler tumblr

[22degreehalo]

Okay so a LOT of people have responded to my Barbie post so I really should be reading through all that first (but scawy) but I finally put something into words in my head

Every single man in the Barbie movie is a comic relief character. A pitiable, at least slightly pathetic, idiot.

Now. That is exactly the sort of thing that conservative commentators would point to to say that the movie hates men. And the Barbie fan's response, of course, would be that men deserve to be ridiculed, and that the movie isn't coddling them, and that men are acting like whiny babies for not being taken seriously when women never get that.

But I have the opposite take. The men all fit into that 'loveable himbo bumbling dad' type archetype. The relatable ordinary everyday man. The dummy who somehow manages to bag a hyper-competent 10/10 girlfriend in every Adam Sandler movie.

Yes, in many ways the idea of men having emotions is mocked; but also, the men get to be funny. There's a reason everyone posts memes about Ken and Kenergy and stuff over anything Barbie says. He's the fun one!

In that sense... the movie doesn't feel like it's reversing or parodying or commentating on anything at all. It's just bog standard gender roles in television: women are Closer To Earth and don't need to change much, but are pretty static and boring, while men are weird and funny and likeable and changeable, able to be bad but able to be redeemed, at the cost of having their more nuanced and sensitive emotions cheapened.

I wondered if it was meant to relate to the commentary at the end: that women HAVE to be perfect, and aren't allowed to make mistakes and be forgiven. But then in that case... why don't the women get to be funny, too? To anywhere near the same degree? Why doesn't the Barbie movie show us a silly, ridiculous, loveable himbo of a woman?

Why doesn't any woman actually get to do bad things and have them taken seriously? They complain about having to act perfect all the time... but are they not? When do we actually see those faults and failures, aside from as a result of 'burdened by the expectations of society' which of course is actually society's fault and not theirs? Barbie complains in the end about not really being good at anything, and that's good! But she still doesn't seem bad at anything, either. And nobody ever so much as implies that the way she treated those societally considered Lesser to her was actually pretty shitty.

The biggest difference between the way we portray women vs men in media, to me, is the idea of internal conflict and change. Women tend to just exist as they are, only impacted by external forces. They don't make conscious decisions to do things, or have their minds change, or grow into something different. They just ARE, flat characters.

Men, meanwhile, get to be tormented. Get to decide to work harder and then ultimately prove themselves. Get to be tempted by bad people, and make bad decisions, but ultimately show that they are capable of trying and working hard and doing better. It's not so much that men are allowed to be bad, as that men are allowed to consist of multitudes. Women usually just have to be one thing, and that's it.

And who is it who changes the most over the course of the movie? Who gets the big internal shift? Who has their understanding of reality challenged, and is affected by it, and makes decisions based on that, and faces the consequences of those decisions, and then ultimately decides to reverse things? It's Ken. It's just Ken.

I don't think it's super bad or regressive that Barbie starts out in an existential crisis and then just sorta ends that way. I think that's actually insightful, that mental illness can't so easily be overcome, that sometimes you really are changed by something and then can never make things 'normal' again.

But it's often pointed out that the relationship between the real-world mother and daughter never really sorta... goes very far. They disagree, but then the daughter shows sympathy to her mother, and that's pretty much it. We don't see much real change or conflict or true acrimony between them. We don't get a sense for internal thought processes. Of course, they're just side characters. But it adds to the whole of the movie and what the writers are comfortable doing with male vs female characters.

That the men are treated like babies for having feelings (despite being the oppressed group, in most cases here) is... discomfiting. But the sympathetic ending really does feel like a result of us only really being comfortable telling stories about men acting badly and being redeemed. Seen another way, yeah: men are allowed to act like babies and be forgiven. Barbie doesn't have the courage to do the same for women, even while decrying that same ideology. Not even at the very end.

Surely there has to be a better way to do this? Surely we can tell a story about women being expected to be perfect without them all actually being mostly flawless and Normal? Surely we can tell a story about the things men really struggle with, their problems that aren't taken seriously, without mocking all of them but then sighing and shrugging and going 'welll but we should be nice anyway :)'

#like. idk man. i think we should care abt men's issues because mental health matters #and because gender isn't the only form of oppression #and quite a lot of 'punching up' actually just targets those forms of societally accepted punching bags #with the transparent hand-wave of a 'male' tag to make it all okay #like that all is. an actual important part of the message #and if you take it all out idk what's even being said anymore #but it sounds like what some feminists do claim about men's issues #that men are worse in every way and their feelings aren't real but we're supposed to be nice anyway just because #not that i think general kindness is a bad message. but it doesnt seem like barbie says that either #i don't know man #barbie 2023

[flamechasr]

5 (yukari) + 12 (kaveh) + 23 (ayumu) + 30 + 46 (zizel) !!

(5) — a memory with family / those you considered family

YUKARI ; i guess this is for S.E.E.S. my feelings for them were very mixed for a while, only because i didn't really want to be in that situation and just made it an excuse to escape other problems. there was a time though that i felt like, huh, i could really treat these people as my family, and i did just that. because the fact is we were all losers and outcasts in some way, and in a twisted sense i felt as if i had found my people. sure, some of them were pretty hard to deal with, but it's times better than what i had and... hey what do you know, saving the world is a family activity! i'm glad i walked the path i did with all those guys.

(12) — a memory of home

heavy warning // KAVEH ; wow ok see, i. also had extremely mixed feelings about my home. i mean, i think i had a pretty good life there, for what it was worth. my parents loved me, and i loved them too. when dad died and mom spiraled, i was only 10. i still had my drawings of us on the walls, but i tore them down for mom's sake. she left when i was 12 because she saw her husband in me and couldn't bear it, i dyed my hair but nothing worked, so i let her go. i could deal with my own grief, but i can't bear to see her like that. the house felt so empty every time i came back to it, and, well, what's a home without the people in it? some might judge me for selling it for quick money but 'home' has always been a fond memory, not a building. if i could, i'd want mom and dad in the family room with me again, but it's a distant image at this point haha. besides, i found a new home with my person, so it's not all that bad.

(23) — first memory you can recall

AYUMU ; volunteering at the animal shelter with yuu-chan! there was this cute pair of rabbits that looked so cute but were so fierce, they nearly bit my hand off rbbdkfd... it's that orr seeing myself on tv for the first time, maybe. it's just such a surreal experience seeing yourself being aired to everyone across the country like is this real life?? i always struggled with confidence so i also saw it as a significant startup in my path as an idol! nothing would hold me back anymore !!!

(30) — someone you didn't expect to kin and/or someone you knew you would kin immediately

someone i knew i would kin immediately is kokomi. i keep saying this but i am literally the first kokomi kinner i mean it. dating all the way back to late 2020 when we knew her as mimi. therefore i am gatekeeping this identity no one else can be kokomi. jokes but not jokes ^_^ and also march 7th to a lesser degree, i knew about her only a bit before i jumped straight into hsr and went “yep, yeah, uhuh” asdhjkhd. someone i didn't expect to kin is like... ai hoshino, i eyed her for a while but didn't really see it even though i did have that “overconfident idol who's not as confident as she acts” type streak bc of rise until i found out how she struggles with love which is like. oh! (plus it's not a great source but i don't take pride in it anyway.) mmmaybe kaveh too, since i wasn't going to kin anyone in sumeru but Things Happened. highkey hate how he's a really common kin bc apparently “gnc suffering artist who struggles with self-worth, family, and belonging finds a home in another person and maybe himself too” resonated with a lot of people and i mean. ok. im fine with this (im not)

(46) — your favorite things

ZIZEL ; floral tea, ribbons, dresses, lolita fashion, satin and silk, flowers, shiny trinkets like gems but also jewelry, most things feminine, i also like “rich” things if that's any definition, but not money because it's of no use for me. and claire :)

#✦ — love arrow #✦ — lighthouse #✦ — dreaming #✦ — a wish granted #✧ — games