#IF I LET MYSELF KEEP GOING I'LL GO TOTALLY WILD THOUGH

[chadillacboseman]

Hiii :)))

I saw your Makarov posts and I am obsessed with how you write him! I was wondering if I could request a writing? Could you write a oneshot where the reader is completely unaware of just WHO Makarov is and thinks he's a regular guy (established relationship) but she somehow finds out what he does/ has done and he lowkey kinda panics bc how tf did she figured that out??? And is she gonna leave??? But he explains how much he's doing to make sure she never is exposed to his work and he becomes more desperate to make sure she stays? Idk i like him lowkey kinda OOC 😌

If not that's totally ok! Have a good day!!

HELLO GREAT IDEA I LOVE YOU.

ALSO- Jason Isbell has a song called "Live Oak" that I feel fits really well:

There's a man who walks beside me

He is who I used to be

And I wonder if she sees him and confuses him with me

And I wonder who she's pinin' for

On nights I'm not around

Could it be the man who did the things

I'm living down?

Makarov had worked very hard to keep his "work" away from you. He crafted believable stories, spun from whole cloth, to explain his extended absences and late nights spent away from home. When his men kept an eye on the house, he made them do it in secret, hoping, no- praying that you wouldn't notice the familiar cars that parked on the street every night.

As they say, though, even the best laid plans can go awry.

Makarov's phone rang in the middle of the night, the soft thrum of the vibration just enough to wake him, but not you. He scrambled from the bed, quickly swiping to answer the call while making his way into the hallway.

"What is it?" he asked, sleep still clinging to his voice as he paced in the small space.

An errant creak in the floorboards made him curse in Russian, glancing over his shoulder to make sure it hadn't awoken you.

In the bedroom, you stirred, reaching a hand over to his side of the bed and blinking awake when you found it empty.

"V?" you croaked out into the darkness.

No answer.

You could hear the soft sound of his voice coming from the hallway, words muffled by the distance between you. You rose to your feet quietly, trying to shake the tiredness from your mind.

Makarov had his back to you, his phone pressed against his ear; he was whispering, but you could hear the angry hiss in his voice.

"I told you to tie up the loose ends!" he paused to listen to the man's response and scoffed quietly, "Make sure he's dead before morning, or I'll put a bullet between your eyes myself."

Your heart hammered out an erratic rythm in your chest, so loud that you were sure he could hear it. Had you misheard him?

Makarov ended the call and immediately swiped his thumb across the numbers, dialing a contact you didn't recognize.

"Ivan just called me," he hissed into the phone when the person picked up, "After that stunt at the train station in London-"

His next words were lost to the ringing in your ears.

Train station? Your memory flashes to the news articles, the tv coverage- dozens dead, and hundreds more injured in a blast that NCA and Interpol were still investigating.

Before you could stop it, a small gasp fell from your mouth, impossibly loud in the quiet space. At the sound of it, Makarov's shoulders stiffened, his broad frame becoming rigid in the darkness.

He ended the call abruptly and tried to swallow his heart down out of his throat. His mind was on fire, racing with what to do- what to say-

When he finally turned to face you, his face was pale and his eyes were full of desperation.

The two of you stood in silence, neither willing to break it and confront what had just happened. You'd shared your life with him for the last four years- had laid in bed next to a killer. How many plots had he orchestrated? How many people had died at his behest?

Makarov finally broke the silence with a whisper of your name, "Please- let me explain."

You looked so afraid, wild-eyed like a doe that hears the errant crack of a twig in the forest. His heart was in his stomach now; he felt as if his entire world was about to fall down around him.

Part of you wanted to leave. To pack a bag and find a cheap hotel to put some distance between the two of you. But another part of you, a bigger part, wanted a fucking explanation.

But what could he possibly say?

Makarov closed the distance between the two of you, one of his hands coming up to cup your face. You flinched at the movement, and he felt his heart break.

"I did everything I could to keep you safe," he murmured, his dark eyes never wavering from yours, "I didn't-" he paused for a moment, searching for the words, "I didn't want you to know who I am- what I am."

"You'll never have to find that out. I promise."

"And what are you?" You whispered. You felt as if your life had been upended entirely, pieces of your broken image of him scattered like a shattered piece of china.

"And what if the enemies you've made come for me?" You asked, defiantly, pulling your face from his grip.

A possibility he'd considered thousands of times. That you pulled away from his touch while you asked it pierced his chest like a knife.

How could he begin to explain the details his men kept on the house? The late nights he spent awake when a noise roused him from his sleep, ears strained in the darkness and a grip on his pistol?

"My men watch the house when I'm gone," Makarov searched your face for any sign of relief, "I will always keep you safe, Любимая."

There was so much more he wanted to say-

Don't leave me.

You're the closest thing to normal I have.

I love you.

"No one will ever lay a hand on you," he brought his hand to your face once more and you let him, closing your eyes as his thumb swept across your cheek gently, "Please, give me a chance."

You wondered, now, how many sleepless nights he had spent making sure you were safe. How many times he'd been away, nerves on edge with worry of your safety.

Could you still see him as the same "V"?

"Promise me something?" You stared up into his eyes, sparkling in the dark hallway.

"Anything," he breathed, bringing his face closer to yours, the tip of his nose brushing against yours as he spoke.

"I want things to stay like they were. I don't...I don't want to know about what you do."

You weren't even sure that was possible. But you had to try.

Makarov brought his lips to yours, his stubbled chin grating gently against your skin as he kissed you. For a moment, everything felt right again as he pulled you tight against him, the warmth of his body such a familiar comfort you could almost forget what you'd heard. When he broke the kiss, he was breathing heavily, his eyes flitting to yours once more.

"I promise."

#makarov x reader #vladimir makarov x reader #my writing #bird meme: 'AND THEN THEY FUCKED'

[cirilla-fiona-riannon]

Francis Drake Main Story

Translations may not always capture the exact nuances or tone of the original text. Expect grammatical errors. I didn't proofread this.

The historical figures who were resurrected as vampires have made contracts with Comte, except for Napoleon.

Napoleon was revived against his will, without a contract, and had become a being with both human and vampire traits.

Comte: "Based on what I've heard, it's possible that Drake arrived at the mansion through the same circumstances as Napoleon did."

Comte: "Although it's still a mystery how historical figures can come back to life as sort of half-vampires, even if they didn't ask for it."

Drake: "Hold on."

Drake raised his hand to stop Comte.

Drake: "I can accept that this is the 19th century, but all this talk about resurrections and vampires is getting crazy. Can you at least tell me more about what's happening?"

Drake, who had been smiling nonchalantly, looked confused.

Napoleon: "I understand how you feel."

Mitsuki: "Me too..."

(When I came to the mansion, I couldn't keep up with all the unrealistic stories either.)

I totally understand how Drake felt.

Feeling sympathetic, I decided to make a suggestion to Comte.

Mitsuki: "Comte, I think we need to explain the situation."

Mitsuki: "And since he doesn't have a place to go, why don't we let him stay at the mansion for a while?"

Drake: "........."

It would have taken at least another month for the door to open again. Even when it did, there was no guarantee it would be stable.

Considering the recent abnormalities in the door, he's lucky he was able to reach the mansion.

And if Drake was supposed to have died in his original time, he may have no place to return to.

Even though it wasn't my problem, just thinking about it made my heart tighten.

Mozart: "Are you crazy? This pirate just attacked us out of nowhere."

Arthur: "I can't say I don't understand the situation. Of course, attacking Mitsuki was unforgivable, but I'm also worried about letting him roam freely."

Dazai: "He's right. It would be a problem if he got a sudden bloodlust and bit someone on the street."

Drake: "Wait, there's a possibility I could turn into some sort of wild animal? Me?"

Sebastian: "On that note, we have both Rouge and Blanc here in the mansion. They should help manage both your meals and impulses."

Napoleon, who had fought with Drake, glanced at him.

Napoleon: "I can't sense any hostile intentions from him anymore. If this guy does something weird, we'll do something about it."

Napoleon: "Right, Jean?"

Jean: "Of course."

Drake: "You guys are reliable yet intimidating."

Napoleon and Jean nodded to each other, and everyone's gaze turned to Comte.

Leonardo: "What's your decision, Comte?"

Comte: "........."

Comte: "Drake, can you promise not to harm anyone?"

Drake: "Yeah, sure. If you're worried, you can keep an eye on me."

Comte nodded in response and untied the rope binding Drake.

Comte: "Then I welcome you. Maybe you came to this mansion guided by something."

Arthur: "A miraculous and fateful encounter, perhaps?"

Drake: "Seems like an overly dramatic fate to me."

Drake: "Anyway, sorry for the terrible first impression. I'll be in your care from now on, so let's all get along."

Drake chuckled, and I couldn't help but relax along with him.

(He doesn't seem like a bad person.)

Mitsuki: "If there's anything I can do to help, please let me know."

Drake: "You're such a kind-hearted person."

And so, a new resident joined our mansion.

That night, after the sudden turn of events, I found myself on my bed, flipping through a book I'd brought from the library.

Mitsuki: "I wonder if it's in here. Ah, here it is."

I flipped through the book titled "Historical Figures Who Moved the World" and found the page about the person I was looking for.

The title was Francis Drake, Hero of the Sea. A page dedicated to Drake.

(Sebastian sometimes scolded me for being clueless, so I should at least learn something about Drake since we're going to live together from now on.)

The book mainly recorded Drake's accomplishments.

("He was the second person in history to circumnavigate the world. Queen Elizabeth awarded him the title of knight for his achievements during the voyage.")

(He discovered the Drake Passage during his voyage. Come to think of it, I've seen it on the map!)

I was surprised to learn that the famous landmark on the map was named after him.

At the same time, it was mentioned that he had committed numerous acts of piracy, such as attacking enemy ships and looting valuables.

(For his homeland, he was a hero, but for someone else, he was an enemy. He lived his life amid conflict.)

I couldn't help but feel the light and shadow of history after learning the background of this historical figure.

As I continued reading, I found a description that caught my attention.

Mitsuki: "After his death due to illness, his body was placed in a lead coffin and submerged in the sea."

Mitsuki: "A sea burial?"

(History says he died and was laid to rest.)

(I wonder if something happened at that time that caused him to come back to life like Napoleon?)

I closed the book I had finished reading and lay down on the sheets.

(I never thought someone would come through that door.)

He didn't seem anxious or troubled, but he's in an unfamiliar place, so he might still face some challenges.

With that in mind, I fell asleep.

The next morning一

Drake: "Morning, little fawn."

Mitsuki: "G-Good morning, Drake."

When I came to the dining room in the morning, Drake greeted me cheerfully.

However, there was something that caught my attention.

(Does he mean me when he says little fawn?)

Mitsuki: "Um, Drake, my name is..."

Drake: "Hm? Isn't it Mitsuki? Am I wrong?"

Mitsuki: "No, you're right!"

However, what caught my attention even more was Napoleon slumped over the table beside me.

Mitsuki: "Good morning, Napoleon. You're up early today."

Napoleon: "I didn't sleep."

Mitsuki: "Huh!?"

Drake: "Haha! Last night was fun."

Apparently, after that incident, Drake received some explanations from Comte.

Comte told him that the door could potentially connect at any point in time as long as it was working normally.

He also told him about the vampire's nature and that this mansion was home to historical figures from various eras and nations.

After that, Napoleon spent the night with Drake, serving as both his guard and companion.

Drake: "Our situations are pretty similar, so I had a lot of questions for him."

Napoleon: "Then we got carried away and ended up talking all night."

Sebastian: "I heard they chatted the whole night. It would've been cool to eavesdrop on their conversation!"

Sebastian, who came out of the kitchen, offered Napoleon a warm cup of tea instead of coffee.

Drake: "Napoleon was not only a military commander, but also the Emperor of France. No wonder he's so strong."

Napoleon: "Stop teasing me."

Drake playfully slapped Napoleon on the shoulder, and Napoleon, with his eyes half-closed, swayed sleepily.

(Napoleon is a heavy sleeper, so he must have been tired.)

(It feels like they've gotten a lot closer.)

Napoleon: "I'm at my limit. I'll leave this guy to you."

Mitsuki: "Okay. Good night, Napoleon."

Napoleon stood up and left the dining room unsteadily.

After seeing Napoleon off, Drake let out a big yawn.

Drake: "Fuwah. I'm getting sleepy too."

Drake: "But before that, I'm hungry."

(This guy is so straightforward when it comes to his desires.)

(But come to think of it, he's also half like Napoleon, so he's probably hungry too.)

Sebastian: "I'll prepare breakfast. Please wait a moment."

Drake: "Sure. So you guys are on cooking duty?"

Mitsuki: "Yup. Is there anything specific you want to eat this morning?"

Drake: "Let's see."

Drake: "Blood."

(What!?)

Drake: "Just kidding. I thought vampires could only drink blood, but I'm glad they can eat regular food too."

(He said it so seriously that it caught me off guard.)

Drake: "I'll leave breakfast up to you."

Mitsuki: "Okay. Then I'll make pancakes!"

Drake: "It's nice to have a meal without any trouble. On the ship, there's always a bunch of hungry men fighting over food."

Drake: "Plus, it's great to have a pretty girl like you cooking for me."

Mitsuki: "You're quite the smooth talker, aren't you?"

As I responded, feeling a bit flustered, Theo suddenly chimed in.

Theo: "Are you also a flirt like Arthur?"

Vincent: "Good morning, Mitsuki, Sebas, and Drake."

Theo and Vincent came to the dining room.

Drake: "Let's see, you guys are the famous Van Gogh brothers, right?"

Drake: "The angel brother and the devil brother, as Arthur said."

Vincent: "I often hear that, but I think Theo is the real angel."

Theo: "B-Broer."

Drake: "Haha! Vincent, you're such a doting older brother."

(He interacts with anyone so casually.)

It might be a little unusual for someone to get so close to others in this mansion.

Theo: "Hey, Drake. Don't call him that so casually."

Drake: "Oh, then Vincent big bro."

Mitsuki ▪︎ Theo: "Vincent big bro!?"

Hearing him say that to Vincent made both Theo and me yell unintentionally.

Vincent: "Big bro. Fufu, it's refreshing to hear that since no one called me that before."

Drake: "It looks like he likes it."

Theo: "Rejected! And stop being so happy about it, broer."

Sebastian: "Drake has incredible social skills."

Mitsuki: "Pffft…ahahaha!"

I couldn't help but burst out laughing as I caught Sebastian secretly taking notes in his diary.

For some reason, after finishing his pancakes, Drake started arranging the chairs in a perfect row.

Drake: "*yawn* I'm really sleepy. I'll just take a quick nap. Nighty night."

Mitsuki: "Hey, Drake! You can't sleep here!"

Drake: "Huh, I can't? Then I'll sleep on the floor."

Mitsuki: "That's not allowed either!"

(We shouldn't encourage more people to sleep anywhere like Leonardo!)

Mitsuki: "Sebastian, is there any unused room available?"

Sebastian: "I'll need to confirm with Comte first, though if ever there is, it might not be clean."

Sebastian: "Let me show you to the guest room for now. Mitsuki, please help me prepare it."

After preparing the guest room for him to lie down, he nodded and smiled, saying it was more than enough.

Mitsuki: "Then, take your time and relax, Drake."

Drake: "Hmm. Thanks for going through the trouble, Sebastian and Mitsuki."

Just as I was about to leave the room after Sebastian一

Mitsuki: "Waah!"

He suddenly grabbed my arm and pulled me back into the room.

He pressed me against the wall, and his face came close to mine, his eyes cold.

Drake: "Hey, Mitsuki. Did you tame everyone in this mansion with your blood?"

Previous Part ╎ Side Story 1 ╎ Next Part

#ikemen vampire #ikevamp drake #ikevamp francis #ikevamp #ikevamp jp #francis drake #ikevamp translations #cybird

[losersroom]

twenty questions for fic writers

tagged by @tetrapod7! thanks man, this was a fun one.

1. how many works do you have on ao3? 17 on my current account. there's more on my old one and obviously that doesn't count everything i published on other platforms (livejournal, ff.net) in the ancient days, lol

2. what's your total ao3 wordcount? again just on the wolfspider account, 168,153. i cant tell if that feels low or high to me

3. what fandoms do you write for? right now, just wild hrpf. in the past it's been mostly anime and various cartoons.

4. top five fics by kudos: i'm hitting the skip button on this because like. wrt my own work i think it's not a very good metric of EITHER how popular those stories actually were OR the quality of them; they're mostly the TUA ones and im chalking that up to that fandom being Huge when i was active. my most kudos'd fic of all time is still how much was mine to keep, though, and i think that one holds up.

5. do you respond to comments? i try to now. i went through a long phase of not engaging with comments due to Social Anxiety and also being kind of fed up with the hyper-combative culture in the fandoms i was in. like i wanted to just yeet my work out there and be done with it. in hrpf fandom i'm actually interested in the community aspect though so ive been trying to get over myself and respond as best i can.

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? the brodsfabes time loop fic, hands down. it's weird because as a reader i am um. not very into unhappy endings or unconsummated angst but every once in a while when i'm writing i'll get into a Mood and write something viscerally upsetting. anyway that one was pretty clearly me processing some grief that was happening in my real life, lol.

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? probably entangled, from my spiderverse days. ngl i kind of hate it now though so let's move on from this. i think most of my fic has happy or at least ambiguously-positive endings, though.

8. do you get hate on fics? only one time ever and it was someone complaining that a ship i tagged for wasn't present in the story after One Chapter so. we're discounting that one. i've been pretty lucky!

9. do you write smut? yeah. my relationship with writing pornography ebbs and flows, like. sometimes i'll be really into it but sometimes i'll just stick a sex scene into a story where i feel like it's the least interesting thing that happens because people expect it and aren't going to read a romance that isn't leading up to that. i'm a horrible pervert and building up to a sex scene is an easy way to give your story a climax (...in multiple senses of the word) though so. why not.

10. craziest crossover: i don't write crossovers but if i did it would be the insane one ive been thinking about lately where the minnesota wild are stuck in the dungeon from dungeon meshi

11. have you ever had a fic stolen? not to a degree that i can prove it but part of the reason i left TUA fandom was somebody, in my opinion, ripped off large chunks of one of my fics and did just enough massaging of the language to make it defensible as Not Plagiarism. ruined the whole experience for me though.

12. have you ever had a fic translated? no, i think that would be one of the highest honors i could receive as a writer though. i wish i knew enough of a second language to translate my own work, but i'm still at like a kindergarten level in japanese so that will. Not happen.

13. have you ever co-written a fic before? tried to once with someone i am no longer friends with, it was a disaster. never gonna do that again. i am just too much of a control freak to relinquish any amount of creative decisionmaking i think.

14. all time favorite ship? don't have one! i tend to like hyperfixate on one ship for anywhere from one month to a year and a half and then when the brain juice runs out im Done and i never want to think about this concept again. im giving check please jackparse a point for being a ship i can read about post-fixation without getting bored but other than that. right now it's 725, in the future, who can say.

15. what's a wip you want to finish but never will? [stares at my overflowing gdocs draft folder. stares at the camera] i do not see it

16. what are your writing strengths? i like my prose, most of the time, and i think i'm pretty good at descriptive writing and like, internal character voice. sometimes i can accidentally stumble into excellent pacing

17. what are your writing weaknesses? INTENTIONALLY good pacing. writing dialogue that sounds like a human said it and not a sitcom character. i'm decent at line-by-line editing but awful at structural editing. recently ive become aware that i tend to subconsciously reuse certain plot beats a lot.

18. thoughts on dialogue in another language? like anything else, there's a way to do this that's fine and interesting and a way to do it that's insultingly terrible and it all depends on intent and execution. like if you're peppering in phrases in a second language just to show off that a character Is Foreign, don't do that. try to do it in a way that's realistic for how people talk. do it purposefully, i suppose

19. first fandom you wrote in? god dude i do NOT remember this was literally 21 years ago but probably either naruto or fullmetal alchemist.

20. favorite fic you've written? probably one of the unpublishable ones tbh. or the time loop one again. honestly i really like all my hrpf work, ive been putting out some bangers lately. it's nice to feel like ive been growing as an ~artist~ or whatever.

[ryuichirou]

Replies

Today��s replies! One about SnK, one about SPTO, a bunch about TWST.

6ubble-gum asked:

Every so often I'll find ur tiny founding titan arts again and spend a good long few minutes gushing over it lmao. snk is dead to me but tiny founder is alive and well (espec the fleas art)

Ahh it’s so sweet that you remember and look at it from time to time! I’ll repeat myself, but wow it is truly surprising that our SnK stuff isn’t totally forgotten. I feel like even I don’t remember the majority of it…

I’m very glad our teeny tiny Founder (with his little fleas) makes you happy~ God I remember when we drew it and these were the newest chapters…  wild times.

Anonymous asked:

Speaking of Yandere Todd, I can already imagine him being extremely jealous of Mobile. Mobile would have to fight Wallace’s ‘evil ex’. They would have a fight to see who’s the better psychic for Wallace. And then Wallace watched all of this with a drink in his hand while he cheers his boyfriend on. And then he might call for a restraining order on Todd. That’s what I can imagine

OH NOOO I love how absolutely devastatingly one-sided this is. Wallace cheering Mobile on, Mobile winning…  At least Todd got his participation prize… which is a restraining order 😔

Jokes aside, I find it endlessly amusing that Wallace just keeps hooking up with psychic guys. I don’t necessarily think it’s intentional, but I do think Wallace benefits from it very nicely. In a lot of ways…

And it does make the psychic vs psychic scenarios very possible, I would honestly love to watch them fight. Or to draw them fighting... For some reason though (lol) I get a feeling that Mobile is more powerful than Todd. Gotta train more! For Wallace Wells! 💪

Anonymous asked:

I found your art on pinterest, here's the link: [I edited out the link]

Thank you for letting us know, Anon! Unfortunately, I don’t know if there is anything I can do to take it down… But we still appreciate you letting us know. Pinterest doesn’t respond to the request promptly.

The comments are hilarious though. Love it when people talk about me as if I’m a cryptid that steals people’s fingers and eats their kids.

Anonymous asked:

Do you think Idia and Lilia will ever do cosplay together and if yes, what couple are they cosplaying?

I feel like Lilia is that force in Idia’s life that could make him consider things that used to be a definite “no-no” to him, and we do know that Idia actually doesn’t mind cosplaying as long as his head is hidden… And the whole cosplay thing sounds like something Lilia would want to try at least once, so maybe that could happen. If there is a combo of a character with his face (and head: can’t show burning hair) completely hidden + someone tiny and adorable? In any way, Idia is definitely going to overthink this whole thing, only for Lilia to change his mind and tell Idia that they should switch costumes with each other at the very last moment lol

Anonymous asked:

Got Azul, Jamil, Idia, and Riddle on a loading screen today and I blame you for immediately thinking about how much of a dream come true it would be for Azul to have all three of them 😂

Haha YESSSSS YESSSSSSSSS (proud of our bad influence)

It really is a dream come true, what a wonderful harem of reluctant lovers that don’t even like Azul all that much. But it doesn’t matter, because all three of them are his and his only <3

Good for him!

Anonymous asked:

have you seen ruggie’s club outfit?? he looks so good, i can’t wait till we get to see what his bottoms—i mean leona and epel look like in their club gear

Yeah I have! It’s very cool, it suits Ruggie a lot. He really does look like he is about to go and dominate some bitches lol

It’s also cool to finally see the uniform that magift players wear… is this the first time we’re seeing it? They usually wear their PE uniform... It’s a great design, and once again, Ruggie deserves to look cool. Good for him too!

Anonymous asked:

Random thought but Riddle being both in Heartslabyul and Horseback riding club... He's really constantly surrounded by big-tiddied green men :3 Good for him

Oh god I keep forgetting that Sebek also has a constant presence in Riddle’s life… you’re so right omg, what a sick twist of fate. Widdle Widdle (little Riddle) and big-tiddied green men that just keep spawning around him AHHH

Seriously, good for him. Am I ending the third reply in a row with this phrase? Well, everyone got what they deserved…

#replies

[ambitionsource]

THE WILD CARD ♥️ An AMBITION Playlist of Maddi-Curated Song and Artist Recs

( Listen 🎵🎧 )

"The Maybe Man" by AJR 🎶 I wish I was me, whoever that is, I could just be and not give a shit; hey, I'll be whatever makes you a fan, 'cause I don't know who the hell I am... "mirrorball - the long pond studio sessions" by Taylor Swift 🎶 And I'm still a believer, but I don't know why; I've never been a natural, all I do is try, try, try... "Talking To Myself" by Gatlin 🎶 I got used to your voice like it was my own, now there's kind of a void; I'm totally fine though... "It's A Sin" by Olly Alexander (Years & Years) 🎶 For everything I long to do, no matter when or where or who, has one thing in common... "show and tell" by mxmtoon 🎶 Lately it's been getting hard to find the words; I'm stuck in my brain, I'm going insane, can somebody help me, please? "ballad of a homeschooled girl" by Olivia Rodrigo 🎶 I stumbled over all my words, I made it weird, I made it worse; each time I step outside it's social suicide... "Healthy" by PRETTYMUCH 🎶 Nobody knows what it feels like, nobody knows how to help me; and I'm starting to think there's something wrong with me, no this ain't healthy... "Slut!" by Taylor Swift 🎶 Got lovestruck, went straight to my head; got lovesick all over my bed... "Great Divide" by MAGIC GIANT 🎶 Drown the darkness in the light, let it shine; I'll see you on the other side across the great divide... "Grown" by Gatlin 🎶 When did I learn my mother's not always right, when she talks too loud and holds me too tight? I think a little fear's okay, keeps you on your toes, but what if my biggest fear is that I'm gonna die alone?

[ 🃏 Master Post ] [ ♣️ Lucas ] [ ♦️ Farkle ] [ ♠️ Maya ]

#gifs #by maggie #charlie #❄️ SS 2024

[calcifersfireplaceao3-moved]

Ronance drabble, pre-relationship, fluff

Rated: general audience

-----

"You're totally lost, aren't you."

"No, no, I've got this, we've got this. It's just baking, how hard could it be."

"I didn't know you baked." Mike says flatly from the doorway. The Wheeler's kitchen has been taken over, Mrs. Wheeler shooed away with reassurances that it would remain intact, leaving the two of them standing in front of the open cookbook like they're facing another doorway to hell.

"I… can." Nancy says, chin jutted out in stubbornness and pride. "I just don't do it often."

Mike scoffs and laughs once in that mean sibling way and leaves.

"Seriously, we got this. How hard can it be, I've got a C-plus in home-ec, I'm sure your grade is much higher, we're gonna crush this cake thing-" Robin tries to reassure Nancy who only looks slightly pained at the word vomit Robin is spewing everywhere.

Pencil in hand and scratch paper at the ready like the A+ student she is, Nancy is dissecting the recipe book carefully propped up on the counter.

"I'll bet baking is just like languages-" Nancy finally looks up in bewilderment. Delighted at getting the reaction she wanted, Robin keeps the quickly forming and very shaky theory flowing, "it's mostly about confidence, you just gotta-" She punches her palm with her other fist for emphasis, "go for it."

Nancy laughs and Robin could cheer, she counts each begrudging smile, each startled laugh towards her own secret tally of success. With one last laugh of defeat Nancy backs away from the counter, gesturing to the book and the scattered ingredients before putting her hands on her hips to watch with a smile still lingering on her lips. "Okay, okay! We'll do it your way. It was your idea, if it turns into a total disaster I'm telling Steve I had no part in this."

"Ahhh, but he knows you'd never let me near a hot stove by myself." Nancy sighs and makes a noise of agreement, leaning back on the counter to watch.

"Which is why I'm assuming we're doing this here then? Your parents won't let you use the oven?"

"Maybe. Not the point. The point is it's our dear friend's birthday."

"Why do you…" Nancy bites her lip, her fingers tightening their grip on her folded arms watching Robin trying to fish out eggshells with first one then both hands, the urge to take over and fix things clearly becoming harder and harder to fight. "Why do you care so much about this?"

"Well," Robin's big secret is out, though Nancy had never had a direct conversation with her about it. Just nodded slowly and assured Robin it was okay and that she wasn't uncomfortable. "It's not to get him to like-like me." Robin jokes.

"But, you know, he's kind of my first real friend, or at least the first friend that mattered. And I thought, hey, birthdays are a big thing! But turns out his parents just skip town and leave him money to throw a party or leave some huge gift he doesn't even want. So birthdays kind of suck for him, but I was thinking maybe something from us wouldn't suck so bad."

Robin finishes her sentence and her breath and holds up the rogue eggshell in triumph. Nancy nods like she can follow the train of logic well enough, wincing as Robin wipes her fingertips on her jeans. She keeps quiet while watching the human hurricane that is Robin multitasking while she measures and pours and talks. Nancy doesn't seem to really mind her rambling this time, letting her do her thing without interruption.

Only when the mixing bowl makes its way precariously to the edge with Robin's wild elbows and self-admitted poor coordination spelling imminent disaster does Nancy step in. Catching Robin by the waist to pull her aside and grab the prized kitchenware with the other, Nancy sets things to right in her quick and efficient way.

"Wow, a real hero and a baking hero? Nancy Wheeler, me and this cake and maybe Steve thank you." Robin's voice is very high and she laughs once to herself about how aware she is that Nancy's arm is still firm around her waist. It's hard not to have a crush on Nancy, almost everyone who knows her does, and since Robin would very much like to still be friends with this very cool girl she's doing her damn best to keep that crush to herself.

Nancy smiles her tight-lipped smile, pushing the bowl far away from danger, then seems to notice how close she still is and pulls away with a quiet "sorry", clearing her throat and Robin swears to any god that there might be a faint tinge of pink in her cheeks.

#ronance #stranger things #stranger things 4 #robin buckley #nancy wheeler #robin/nancy #my writing #it was my original idea for a prompt that i couldnt get to fit but liked enough to keep

[wawamouse]

Oz Rewatch 3: S1E06: To Your Health

Sister and I started the night by watching the first few minutes of Episode 7 before we realised that we were watching the wrong episode. A bit of a disappointment, to be honest—I had told her before we started watching that "a lot of stuff is gonna happen this episode"... but we'll have to wait till next week to see her reaction on all that.

The actual episode we were scheduled to watch, "To Your Health", centers around themes of the physical and mental well-being of prisoners at Oz. One of the concepts brought up is the notion of the aging inmates in prison, including Rebadow, who starts the episode getting jumped by some younger prisoners for a box of brownies. At a staff meeting, the staff discusses a seniors-only unit:

Sister: Wow, they're actually making sense for once! It's not happening.

Keeping in with the theme of senior-inmate health, Ricardo Alvarez's Alzheimer's plotline also emerges in this episode. I had a moment where the hacks were calling out for "Alvarez" in Solitary where I thought to myself "Huh, I totally forgot that Miguel was already in Solitary during season 1". Ope.

But I have to say, the actor who played Ricardo (Tomas Milian) did a really good job portraying the enfedbled version of the character. My yeye (maternal grandfather) had Parkinson's and a bit of dementia later on and Milian's performance always feels so heartwrenching because of how familiar it is. Sister also later said that Ricardo's storyline in this episode was her favorite because she found it most compelling.

In a later scene, Rebadow and Groves are talking in the bed over from the Alvarezes. I noticed Gloria and McManus are also in the background, but they didn't end up having a scene in the hospital during this episode. I assume an exchange of some sort was filmed and then cut, though I haven't seen any season 1 deleted scenes that show what they talked about.

Sister: The only thing that will stop him from escaping at this point would be if people were doing it on the stairs. There is no security in this place... (Rebadow tumbles down the stairs) Oh no, that's realistic, too...

Later in the episode, we see Beecher being forced to do drag and sing at the variety show. I know this is TV, but once again, Sister Pete's random psychology got a lot of snark from me and Sister; "I don't know," Sister said. "I feel like if I was in prison and someone was like 'I know what will make them behave! I'll remind them what a piece of shit they are!' ... That wouldn't work on me. I think I would get worse."

Just like in Episode 3, thought, Sister Pete putting wild faith in Beecher's ability to come to the conclusions she wants him to pays off. By some miracle, getting reminded that he's a convicted child killer (vehicular manslaughterererer) actually brings him to his senses.

Sister: But if he decides not to let him treat him like dirt anymore, wouldn't that mean he doesn't think he deserves to be punished anymore because he did nothing wrong? And wouldn't that be NOT what the prison people want?

The way our brains are just naturally unsuited for Sister Pete's style of therapy in this show is truly amazing...

The midpoint of this episode sees Beecher somehow shatter the single panel of glass in the entire unit—yes, that is my headcanon. That the panel he broke was the only glass panel because they ran out of the plexiglass or whatever the used for the rest of the place... Note that Jackson Vahue chucked a bucket at a different window later in the episode to absolutely no effect. LOL. But Beecher going off on PCP is a good scene, anyway.

Later, Sister Pete continues her psych evals by doing Ryan's. I have to say that while I liked the scene, it did read as the somewhat pointless sort that probably would've ended up getting cut for anyone else in later seasons. It's an interesting scene that sort of fleshes out O'Reily in terms of the stray tidbit about him wanting to travel when he gets out, but what do we really learn? That he's a liar, that he'll try to manipulate if he can, and that at this point in time, he wants nothing more than to do what he can to survive and get out of Oz? Oookay, but this is nothing new.

So, the inclusion of this scene feels/has always felt a little random to me in this episode. Maybe they needed to pad out the O'Reily-Adebisi-Schibetta scenes. The end part of the episode saw the arrival of Jackson Vahue and Huseni Mershah. Neither Sister nor I had much to say about those parts. There was a lot of reading Rick Fox's wikipedia page, haha.

I really loved Hill's ending monologue, though. I feel like the theme of this episode was really strong throughout and it all tied in together very nicely.

All those little aches and pains, eventually they add up to something. Body, mind, body mind, they gotta work together or they don't work at all. You gotta take care of your body. You gotta take care of your mind. You gotta love your body. Most people don't. Most people hate their bodies. You gotta get your mind to love your body. Even if you're fat around the middle, or even if things don't work like they're supposed to, you gotta love your body. 'Cause it's all you got to hold on to. It's all you got. I'll make a deal with you. I'll love your body if you love mine.

Stray Thoughts:

Tim starts the season wearing a bowtie and suit and looking like a dweeb and then spends pretty much the rest of the season and the rest of the show dressed as a deadbeat dad. I kind of wish we'd gotten more of dweeby McManus. I feel like he lost the twinkle in his eye so fast, lol. Another thing is: in this episode, Tim tells Glynn something to the effect of "You know, this is the first time you've ever called me Tim". Later in the show, I could swear that Tim mentions that he and Glynn have known each other for over a decade. I feel like the show flipflops between the idea that McManus is new at Oz and the idea that he's been working there for years already as just a regular unit manager (without having been a hack first, somehow).

Sister said her takeaway is "take your blood pressure medication"

Sister still can't remember the names of the characters. I have tried to remind her a couple times. This episode, Said obtained the nickname "Doctor.... Reginald.... Saunders" because she finds the cadence of his speech to be very dramatic.

I love how passive-aggressively Arif reads aloud during meal time

WHY is Schillinger spending so much effort on smuggling in hair dye for Beecher? First the silver then the black. Surely there are better things to smuggle in. No? Maybe the barbershop has hair dye?

#oz hbo #oz rewatch #text

[stargazer-sims]

Dance Practice

Eden: Charlie, you are literally the best brother ever! I can't believe you managed this. I mean, I'm actually standing in Sugar Valentine's actual dance studio. I'm kinda freaking out a little.

Charlie: Only a little?

Eden: Okay, a lot! I'm gonna get to watch their dance practice. How many people can say they did that?

Charlie: Not just watch, remember.

Eden: Oh my Watcher... I know! I'm just trying not to actively think about it so I don’t completely lose my mind. How did you even convince them to let me dance with them?

Charlie: I can't take any credit for that. It was all Haru.

Eden: Really? No way. You're totally making that up.

Charlie: I swear I'm not. Apparently, he hasn't been able to shut up about you since he saw your pictures in my portfolio, that day I was here for my in-person interview. From what I heard, he wouldn't stop pestering Ms. Fujikawa and their security people and even Sheridan, until they all agreed you could come.

Eden: Haru... wanted to meet me that bad?

Charlie: Evidently.

Eden: I'm gonna wake up any minute now, aren't I?

Charlie: You're already awake, bro.

Eden: *incoherent fanboy squealing*

Charlie: Word of caution, though. He probably just wants to meet you so he can get into your jeans. He's got a pretty wild reputation, and according to Senjirō, it's all true.

Eden: You gossiped with Senjirō? You've worked with these guys for like, only a week, and the tea is already flowing? And you're so calm about it.

Charlie: They're just guys like us, you know. Anyway, be careful with Haru, okay?

Eden: You think I'm worried about him wanting to get into my jeans, as you put it? I've literally lost count of the people I've slept with at this point.

Charlie: Uh…

Eden: But like, if that's what he wants, I'm not gonna make him work for it. I might die of a heart attack if that really is what he wants, though.

Charlie: All right, fine. But, if you do end up, uh… doing it, don't tell anyone. And for the love of the Watcher, don't post about it on Simstagram.

Eden: Would I do that?

Charlie: Just... don't.

Eden: I won't, I promise.

Charlie: Okay. I'll stay here till everone comes downstairs, and then I'm heading over to Peak Entertainment to meet with Ms. Fujikawa. The security lady said she'd drive you to the rink after dance practice, but text me when you get there anyway.

Eden: I will.

Charlie: Her name is Ji-Soo. She’s South Korean, so you don’t need to speak Japanese. She also looks like she could lift a truck, so don’t be stupid around her.

Eden: Okay.

Charlie: Nikolai's gonna bring your skates to the rink for you, right?

Eden: Yeah, and my sweater and my favourite rink hat. That's what he said before we left. I could've brought them with me, but they don't fit in my dance bag, and I didn't want to carry too much stuff.

Charlie: Makes sense.

Eden: Ugh… afternoon practice. This would’ve been so much easier If I could’ve driven myself to the rink. Then, you could’ve picked me up there, and I could’ve just left my skates and stuff in my car.

Charlie: Yeah, and Nikolai still could’ve used your car while you were here. So, still no morning ice time, I guess?

Eden: No. probably not. Nikolai's signing up for Japanese classes today, and I think they're gonna be in the morning, so even if we could've gotten the ice time, it wouldn't have worked out anyway.

Charlie: That sucks, but at least you've got ice time.

Eden: And the best coach ever.

Charlie: Right. Well, don't wear yourself out at dance practice before you even get to the rink, or the best coach in the world may not be impressed.

Eden: *laughing* Nobody wants to see Nikolai in a bad mood, least of all me, but don't worry. I'll be fine to skate. I'm pretty sure the adrenaline rush from this morning will keep me going all day.

#ts4 #sims 4 #eagames #snowy escape #sugar valentine #Eden Seong #Charlie Seong #fake boy band #wearesugarvalentine #stargazersims

[blocksruinedme]

SMALLETHO WEEK STATUS: PENULTIMATE REPORT

(please let this be penultimate report)

Okay I have 11 hours to get these out in saturday my time zone and i am going to do it, or i'll take my me off and throw me in the lake (it's right there down the street I'll do it.)

You'd think they'd be done by now. You'd think given how many days ago they were first "basically drafted" they'd be done right now. But noooo, some bitch (me) decided the fic "deserve more" and there are scenes "they really need" and like fine yes I still agree but why can't they just be done.

Red Life fic:

the first three sections are about incidents after turning red than made etho go "huh" about joel. they serve their purpose, but currently exist mostly in the form i scrawled down on the back of another fic in my car after the dentist. I could def describe things more, add a little more reflection about their place in the double life ecosystem as they start murdering and burning

gotta make good kiss at end, and the last bits of lead in, and the little bit after

the main issues here is that i gotta go rewatch DL ep 4 from multiple POVs. at minimum i need pearl's pov of dying, and maybe check for some other people's reactions to joel's shit that are not in smalletho vids but in universe they would have heard. (if only i could shove knowledge of every traffic episode fully into my head, sigh. so much content.

so that's not too bad!

fuck me there's 36 [] around words i don't like/phrases that need to be replaced/etc. fml fml fml

LARPer au morning after fic

apparently i'm adding all this backstory, which means i got to take it out o the author's notes, which i hope will make it more appealing. it's mostly about the party that this is morning after, but it's joel pov and *very* focused on getting laid, he's kinda aware that a lot of shit went down for pretty much everyone else

i want to add a very quick awkward bit with joel asking jimmy about the party the night before, currently he's totally succeeding at making joel (who is very distracted) think he's fine. and it's not gonna get explained in this story, but i'm not setting up a giant mystery, it's just more of "joel missed some shit last night". if that upsets people... i'm sorry! i'm actually very new t writing fic but it feels fine? it's a 5k story, alluding to the rest of the world seems fine

then it's just, fuck holding my breath... 40 sets of []. many many many of them, when i have people look at them, they say "that's fine", and it's just me at "will i have a time to struggle for a synonym/rephrasing

Dear everyone who compliments my writing skill (which i love, keep on doing it)

i hope you are not comparing yourself to me. here's some reasons why i probably have a leg (several legs?) up on you

i am very old and have been writing in one way or another possibly since before you could write.

I legit used to teach sat prep in writing, i have been trained in this and made money on it

if you live like i do, when you are my age you will also have a pretty big vocabulary

i usually edit a lot. I get beta, i throw problem sentences and such at friends, i've gotten proofreading from actual professionals. If i published most of my first drafts, well. I might not get as many "well written" compliments (though i think my plot and characterization would be similar levels of quality, my voices not so much - i have google docs for the way people talks and go through my dialogue looking for places to change things. it's actually great. i could share it?)

it's wild that what is my most popular fic by 3x is the one that went from thought of to posted in <12 hours and thus had only quick editing. so, it's not alway from editing

i just never want anyone who doesn't have those things to compare themself negatively to me, y'know? That said I'm a hypocrite, I compare myself negatively to professional writers in other fandoms. So, do as i say, etc

am i avoiding getting back to writing? yes

back to joel talking about asking scott to help him get tarted up

okay one last thing, me being pleased with my writing - i am jumping between my early 20s larper au and my late 20s/30s burning man au, and i think i am doing a good job at giving age appropriate characterizations to similar version of the same characters. my 21 year old Etho feels 21 to me and my early 30s Etho feels early 30s to me. These ensembles are very much based on my own experiences so I've got a lot to work with, 60 year olds would be harder :)

#me #my writing #larper au

[spirituallyyellow]

30/5/24

I feel like all the feelings I've held inside for the last seven years are pouring out of me now. It feels almost uncontrollable, but also like a relief.

I haven't got long to write before I need to go to work, but I missed sitting and writing properly. I got the Finch app to try to help me do some of the basic self-care stuff I really struggle with, and journalling is down as an "every other day" task. I obviously haven't kept up with it while I've been sick, and I did it the other day but it was on my phone which I don't like doing as much. This is probably really extra of me, but I like the sound and sensation of my fingers flying over the keyboard.

I've been feeling the need to reread the Brontës recently. Jane Eyre, Villette, Tenant of Wildfell Hall, even Wuthering Heights. There is something about feeling shitty and curling up with a book centred on surviving on wild moorland that just feels right.

In some ways I'm feeling a lot better than I was a couple of months ago - in other ways, I'm not. I don't actively feel like I want to die anymore, most of the time, but I also can't say I'm finding a huge amount of pleasure in living. I mostly feel resigned.

One of the bigger contradictions I have in my head is that on the one hand, I feel like I have big "dies young" energy (although I guess I'm not that young anymore), but one of my deepest fears, and one that I always have a feeling is going to come true, is that I'm going to outlive everyone I love and be totally alone.

I think that if I weren't a Christian, I probably would have gotten myself into a really bad situation by now. I said to someone recently that if I weren't a Christian, I'd be the scummiest person you know, and when I say that to my non-Christian friends they're all like "nooooo, you're so lovely and kind etc etc" but when I say it to my Christian friends, they're more like, "yeah, you definitely would be" and it's both funny and sad to me.

I don't exactly regret not giving in to all my self-destructive urges (not just suicidal ones, but all the little ones), but it almost feels like obsessive-compulsion - every time something goes wrong, I immediately think of all the ways I could just self-destruct, far easier than I can think of any other options, and I'll think about it intensely, going over everything, almost like I'm imagining a relationship with a lover, a really toxic one. One that ends with me hurting and alone.

It really does feel inevitable. Either because I've ruined all my relationships or because everyone died before me, but it does feel like I'll come to the end of my life and I'll be totally alone and hurting, and nobody will come to my funeral because I never let anyone close enough to care.

It's insane how I can write this and literally two entries before I was like "so many people have reached out to help me because they care about me or something????" fucking hell man. I hate being in my head.

_

So I work mostly with survivors of sexual violence, and even though I have made an effort to move away from that - or at least to lessen it - they keep finding me. Clients I've taken specifically because I thought they were unlikely to bring a lot of trauma to the sessions have then, after about 4-5 sessions, unloaded just some of the shittiest trauma. And I know this sounds awful, but there's only so many stories about rape, incest, and sexual assault that I can hear in a week without just... something breaking in me, you know?

Anyway, in the last month, I've had four different clients unload numerous sexual assault stories and so we've been processing it together, which doesn't sound like a lot, but it adds up to me hearing about sexual assault every single day I've been at work throughout all of May, and I wish so much that I could go back to when I didn't quite understand how common it is. I remember when I was on placement at The Cursed Place, probably the only thing they rightly said was, "There are some things that once you know them, you cannot un-know them, and you should be prepared for that when you start working here," and that was so much more true than I understood at the time, and I thought I understood it really well.

Tonight I've got life drawing with J and I'm really looking forward to it. I've been really tired all week and really struggled to cope, to be honest, but I've tried to keep my mind focused on life drawing and I'm looking forward to it so much. I love the atmosphere there - the dim lights, big airy art studio, vibe-y chill music, and just staying focused on the present moment. It's just exactly what I want right now.

I wish I was a better Christian. I've felt like a really rubbish one lately, and I don't know if that's the Spirit giving me a nudge or if it's just my shitty, scummy, deceitful heart making things harder for me than they need to be.

[edgecumbetothepyramids]

Beautiful Sitka

The Pyramid mountains stand in relief at this time of night if it's not too cloudy. I can see them through my bedroom window as I sit here grading AP Lang essays. When we flew in tonight, I heard someone tell a fellow traveler not to worry, that we wouldn't be landing in the water even though it looks like it. The pilot flew around the runway and landed with Edgecumbe to the aft of the plane. In my middle seat I could see the water and sparsely clouded sky thanks to a courteous seat mate.

Getting on the plane in Seattle was an exciting venture as the plane was fully booked, and I was standby. After boarding, there was one seat left. The gate agent called, "Weiss, Weiss, if you're in the boarding area, please see me at the gate." No answer. Then he called another name which I can't remember. No answer. Then me! There were two men standing in front of me. When I jumped out of the seat I was sitting on the edge of, the gate agent said to the men, "Sorry, guys, that was the last seat!" I was so happy!

I learned Friday while travelling that I was staying at Sitka High. All week it had felt like a Survivor competition except with no way to make your chances better. You were chosen to leave or not leave based on what you had done previously. And previously, you didn't know your every move was being judged to determine your worth! My friend texted me to tell me who was being forced to move schools, and I was so thankful it wasn't me. Now, I have new challenges ahead in building a new curriculum and also applying to PhD school which I may not get in to, but I need to try.

I'm noticing as I grade that students are still not paying close enough attention to the prompt. That will get them in big trouble on the exam if they don't correct that now! Also, they are sometimes losing their line of reasoning. I like to call it leading the reader and staying focused on supporting their topic sentence and ultimately their thesis statement.

Tomorrow morning the three English teachers and I who are left will meet to discuss how to divide classes among us. 2.5 teachers for 270 students. Maybe 10-15 will be skills students, so that will bring it down a bit. At least 10 will go to UAS for dual-enrollment credits. I'll probably have 125 students plus a new class to teach. That's a lot for an English teacher which is another reason why I need to start back to school. I don't want my entire life to be grading high school freshmen papers.

We took Si to dinner. He seems good, but he says that he will leave his full ride if his coach leaves. I really hope he doesn't mean that. I know he hates being so far away from K, but he's getting a great education totally free! I was also surprised at how competitive he is. He doesn't want his track season to end, but he doesn't qualify for regions unless his coach lets him race as a wild card. Si thinks his coach will pick a senior to go. That doesn't make sense to me. Seniority should not matter in sports.

And that brings me back to the Survivor episode at my high school. I am the newbie to the English dept, and I survived the cut. Even though I sent frustrated texts to my boss last month which were meant for my husband (oops!), even though I have been accused of lying in a meeting (which I didn't), even though I have failed to unite the department (no one has for 20 years), even though I spend a lot of lunches doing work or being alone, even though I said (in my boss's hearing) that teachers need to stop working for free, even though I have been a bit upset all year about the retirement situation for myself and other Tier 3 teachers. And despite many more mistakes I have made in and out of my classroom, which goes to show that there's no way to know how to keep your job. But I'm "safe" for now.

But if I had the same retirement system as Casey, I would feel obligated to get my 25 years in, and the fact is, I don't and I don't. I can leave whenever I want. I just hope the other Tier 3 teachers have a trust fund waiting for them when they retire. I have a plan b.

Driving in Washington is always beautiful. You are often driving through corridors of trees. But it's not the same as being able to walk out your door and hike a mountain the way we can here, literally. I can't wait to get up Gavin again. Maybe tomorrow.

[eyndr-stories]

Across The World C8 - The End

Summary:

The gods of this world are ancient, most of them forgotten, or nearly so. Nomen has been taught not to make deals with any old gods, should they be unlucky enough to come across one. However, when their little brother Maribus stumbles into mortal peril, they find they have no real choice but to accept the trials of one such god in order to save him.

This is an original story written by yours truly! I started writing this back at the very start of 2021 when I had a particularly wild and extremely vivid dream. This story is heavily based on said dream! This dream is also why I strongly distrust bunny mascots / anthro rabbits lmao but anyhoo, I think i've improved as a writer since this so the quality may or may not be quite on par with my other stories. I also had some help from my cool aunt Kerry with editing this, so if there's anything amiss here we can totally blame her lmao

That all being said, I do still like this story, and I hope you will too!! Enjoy <3

Things To Know:

major character death (its okay though, they live lol)

blood and violence

happy ending

protag (Noman) is nonbinary and referred to with they / them pronouns

first person POV

8 chapters in total, about 13,000 words in total. So roughly 1600 words a chapter. Lil bite sized chappys!

No swear words used, somehow

(lmk if i should add anything, i can't think of anything else)

Ao3 link here

Chapter 1 here

Chapter 7 | Chapter 8

C8 - The End

     All at once, I was back in my home town. I was actually here, and there was color and warmth as well as the cold, and I could feel my hands again, and they were holding my camera. The parade was going by. I felt like I'd just woken up from a dream.

     I turned to see my brother sitting next to me, smiling wide at the birds as they swooped down in formation. He’s here, and he’s alive.

     My second chance. I’d earned it, I’d beaten the trial. This time, I would not let my brother go.

     The adventurer came by on their float, awkwardly acknowledging the crowd. I lifted my camera and took a picture.

     The adventurer descended the float and donned their suit. My mother told me to look after my brother. I promised her I would.

     “Hey.” I put a hand on my brother’s shoulder.

     He stopped pouting for a moment to look at me, sensing my serious tone.

     Before I said anything else, I wrapped him in a tight hug.

     “What’s this about?? Unhand me, fiend!” He squirmed out of my hug and gave me a weird look.

     “Nothing.” I smiled at him. “Do you wanna see the adventurer?”

     My brother’s face lit up. “Yeah!”

     My heart leapt at the sight, and I had to hold myself back from hugging him again. “Follow me. I'll take your picture with him.”

     Maribus looked less thrilled to realize he'd be having a human interaction, but he let me lead him over the wall and down the wood stairs anyways. We waited at the end of the pier. I stared out at the ocean of ice, half expecting to see a single giant eye staring back at me from the fog.

     “Hey, Maribus. I want you to know something,” I said seriously, facing my brother.

     “What?” My brother looked at me curiously.

     “It’s okay to be afraid. Fear is what helps us stay safe, pushes us to do what we need to in order to survive. But too much of it… and you’ll end up with nothing but regret. It’s a balance, and a very important one at that. Whenever you feel scared, just remember what's important.”

     “Okay.” My brother thought about that for a moment. “Why are you telling me this?”

     “Its just an important lesson to keep in mind. Regret can be… detrimental at times,” I said.

     My brother hummed thoughtfully. We stood together in silence as the adventurer came down the stairs, pausing at the other end of the pier.

     “Hello, my brother wanted to talk to you and maybe get a picture before you leave,” I said. I gave my brother’s shoulder a gentle pat.

     The adventurer walked forwards and stood before us. He looked down at my brother. “Oh, is that so?”

     My brother looked nervous. He was quiet for a long moment, then spoke. “I just wanted to say… I’m going to be an adventurer like you some day! You inspire me to learn about the world, and I know you don’t know me, but you’re very important to me, and I wanted to give you this.”

     I was slightly dumbfounded by how well my brother had articulated his feelings. He pullout out of his pocket a very carefully folded bird. The paper was dark colored, and I actually recognized it as one of the birds from the parade, with the name i’d instantly forgotten.

     “Oh, a dirodopafowel!” The adventurer carefully accepted the paper bird with a gloved hand. “I am honored both by your gift and your words. I’ll keep this safe.” He unzipped a pocket on the suit’s arm and slipped the paper bird inside. “I have to leave now. But when I come back, I’d love to tell you and everyone else about what I’ve discovered out there, beyond the ice.”

     My brother beamed. “I’d love that too!”

     My brother and I wished the adventurer good luck, and he stepped out onto the ice. He gave us a wave, then turned and marched into the unknown.

     I smiled at my brother. “I’m really proud of you. You’ll make a fine adventurer one day, I just know it.”

     My brother smiled at me. “I know!” He turned and started walking back down the pier. “Lets go eat dinner!”

     I let out a relieved sigh, and let go of the tension I’d been holding. I glanced back out at the ice. The adventurer was now just a hazy shape far in the distance. My gaze traveled skyward, where a full moon hung high in the sky.

     I was about to turn and follow my brother, but then I remembered the full moon wasn’t for another week. I stared up at the moon.

     The moon stared back. It blinked at me, then vanished into the night sky.

     “Are you coming?” my brother called.

     “Yeah.” I turned back towards my brother.

     Together, we headed home.

#thanks so much for reading <3 #dont worry ive got more fnaf fics in the works lol #ive also got more og stories i want to fix up and post #all of wildly different tones lmao #original story #eyndr tells a story #across the world #fictional death #fictional violence

[veliseraptor]

I can't remember if anyone has actually asked you this. I apologise beforehand if you're repeating yourself. What are your three favourite scenes in The Untamed and why?

(Love how this took so long, mostly because I was waiting to get through all the listed moments in my rewatch. Anyway! It’s here now!)

Oh, fuck. 

Okay, I couldn’t keep it to three. I tried! I did! But I couldn’t. So here is a list of just general favorite scenes with the three scratched off. I realized belatedly that most of these are just painful because I love pain I guess??? but yeah that’s just who I am and I think I have to accept that.

Under a read more because Jesus this got long.

1. The entire scene at Nightless City culminating in Wei Wuxian’s death. Like, okay, honestly, if I could expand this into basically everything between Jin Zixuan’s death and Wei Wuxian’s, I’d do that, but that feels like too much even though in my head it is all sort of...one contiguous marathon of pain. But god!!! I have a whole thing for...characters hitting their breaking point, for breaking points in general, for seeing a character I love just...crack open, and that’s what happens here.

Like. Wei Wuxian’s been cracking for a while, and there’s a number of breaking points that kind of build on each other, but this is, obviously, where the real snap happens.

And on a narrative level, too, there’s the thing that...this is the point that we as the audience have been spiraling toward since first seeing the beginning of episode one. This is where the entire long stretch of flashback has been pointing - here’s where it culminates, where it falls into place, where everything circles back to where the show started and now you know exactly how it got there. 

Also I just. Love to suffer, and this entire scene is one whole long stretch of suffering. 

2. The golden core reveal. Oh man, I was waiting for this conversation for, like. Ever. I knew it was coming and I knew it was going to have to happen and I just kept being like. When will it be. When will it be and then it happened and god it was beautiful. Everything about this whole scene was just tailor made to hurt me and make me love it, from the confrontation in the ancestral shrine right down to when Jiang Cheng bolts in a panic. 

I hurt for everyone here. Wen Ning who has hit the end of his rope and is just fed up with everything. Jiang Cheng whose world is getting turned upside down and inside out and a whole lot of things falling into place all at once, his self-conception wrecked and his understanding of Wei Wuxian both opened and destroyed. Lan Wangji who is understanding what he missed and, I think, beating himself up about having missed it, and also the fresh understanding of just how ready Wei Wuxian is to throw himself under a bus for the people he loves. Wei Wuxian who doesn’t know any of this is happening but has just collapsed after running on fumes basically since resurrecting and is going to find out later that the biggest secret he’s been keeping and planned to keep for the rest of his life is now out. 

It’s just. Lord. It’s all so painful and it’s all so good, the payoff is so good, and especial mention here of Wen Ning’s done with your shit and I’m not taking it anymore face as he brandishes Suibian at Jiang Cheng not as a weapon, exactly, but a little bit.

(He doesn’t bite but he can hurt you in other ways!)

Anyway, this isn’t actually saying anything coherent, really, except just a lot of “ahhhhh” screaming about this scene and everything in it and everyone suffering in it and just. What a moment. 

3. The excruciating conversation between Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian in episode 48. Oh my god. Ohhhh my god. Okay, so, I’m always going to be a sucker for extremely painful and difficult sibling confrontations where everyone is spilling their feelings everywhere and it’s just a lot, and this was like. I remember on my first watch when this happened and I was like. Holy shit. This. This was what I needed. This!!!! 

And then no real resolution after, orz. But that’s what fanfiction is for. And there’s glimpses of the possibility, for sure, I Believe.

But anyway! And on rewatch this conversation just gets better and also more painful because of the ways that while it is finally a conversation that Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng have sort of needed to have for, like, ever, it’s also one that rips open a lot of old wounds and it is also one that involves a painful amount of talking past each other. 

There’s a long meta post somewhere (sorry! I never know how to find the meta I’m looking for when I want it and I’m lazy right now!) about how what Jiang Cheng needs to hear is that Wei Wuxian loves and cares about him, and what he does hear is that Wei Wuxian is, once again, cutting himself off, that it was all always about debts and obligations and nothing more. And what Wei Wuxian is trying to do is release Jiang Cheng from being tied to him by those debts and obligations, to give him freedom, with I think the idea of creating a clean slate that’s not tainted by everything that went wrong before. He thinks Jiang Cheng needs to be released, but what Jiang Cheng needs is to be held.

(Both of them do! Both of them need that! Both of them need to feel loved and cherished and these things also specifically by each other!)

And I just. I just cry a lot.

But it is also beautiful, in the way that it captures so much about their relationship and the blood and hurt and tenderness and love all tied excruciatingly together, the ways that they hurt and have hurt each other, the ways they push and pull, all of Jiang Cheng’s anger and hurt spilling out everywhere in a way that I think has been building for 16 years. It’s not closure, but it is a catharsis. 

And for Wei Wuxian - I think it has to be, on some level, a relief. Even as it’s painful, even as it is exactly what he never wanted to happen, the secret is out now and he doesn’t have to hold onto it anymore. They are both - in his eyes - free. 

It’s just...a wrenching conversation that hits, like, sixty of my buttons at once and gives me a whole lot of emotions. 

4. asldkajsldfkj the flashback to Xiao Xingchen’s suicide in episode 39 and what comes after, just go ahead and kill me now. Like okay it’s probably obvious by now that I live in this hole called “Yi City, my Xue Yang feelings, and my XueXiao feelings,” and during this liveblog I specifically spilled several posts and screenshots worth of them, but god!!!! it’s just so much. Like, the entire Yi City arc is messy and painful as hell, it’s just like being put through an emotional wringer where I hurt for everyone in it, but this is the part that is especially excruciating because everyone in this emotional climax is suffering so much. 

And, like. We knew where this would end. We knew Xiao Xingchen died, and a-Qing was just killed, and at this point Xue Yang is dying. No one is getting out of this alive - but we haven’t seen yet exactly how things closed out. And the answer is “badly. it’s badly.” 

Both of these people in the very bad breakup scene are hurting. Xiao Xingchen is in agony, his life falling apart in his hands - everything he thought he knew has been a lie, he’s been tricked, played for a fool. And the hammer blows keep coming. It’s not enough that it’s Xue Yang, that Xue Yang has been fucking with him (as far as he knows), lying to him, for three years. It’s what Xue Yang reveals about what he’s done. And then it’s what Xue Yang reveals about what he’s done to Song Lan.

And on the other end - Xue Yang’s weird fake domestic life that he’s gotten attached to, Xiao Xingchen who he’s come to care about - it’s imploding, irrevocably, in front of his face. And first he tries to explain himself, sort of, but he must know it’s not going to work; and then he goes back to what he does best and lashes out. You’re going to hurt me? I’ll hurt you fifty times as much.

I think he expects a fight. Or maybe, at most, he expects Xiao Xingchen to break down, and maybe he has some vague idea that then he can say see, this is what the world is really like, now you get it and rebuild him in some kind of Xue Yang-esque image (though I don’t think he really thinks that’ll happen). He doesn’t expect Xiao Xingchen to kill himself. He doesn’t expect Xiao Xingchen to die.

And then he doesn’t expect to not be able to get him back.

It’s just. This whole arc is people destroying each other and themselves body and soul, and this is the climax of it, the breaking point. And it hurts, real bad.

And as we have established! I love to suffer.

5. Drunk Lan Wangji, take two. All of these are like. “Pain! Pain! Pain!” and here we are with some goofy antics instead. I mean, the intro to drunk!Wangji is sad in the way that it has to do with what happened to Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen (and Lan Wangji’s always feelings about those parallels ouch), but then...I mean, drunk!Wangji is just generally adorable, but here he is especially adorable. 

Chicken theft! Vandalism! Trespassing! His adorable little smile when Wei Wuxian asks if he likes rabbits and he’s like. Yeah. :) :)

And then we close out with more emotions, of course. Because it’s not The Untamed without a little bit of pain thrown in there. 

“I have regret,” Lan Wangji says, a confession of fault, and of course Wei Wuxian can’t receive it, or won’t - and Lan Wangji reacts to his attempt at absolution by basically doing his usual “I don’t want to talk about this” routine of just bluntly changing the subject (in this case “going to bed now goodnight.”).

Also the entire bit where he goes from hopelessly drunk to fighting off an opponent and then back to hopelessly drunk, like. Even drunk!Wangji can and will kick your ass. 

And all of Wei Wuxian just like. Basically trip babysitting him? Gently trying to herd him around? The gentleness and fondness of it all?

Good. All good.

6. Qiongqi Path, take one. Emotional mauling! Terrifying evil flute Wei Wuxian! Dramatic face-off between Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji! The beginning of Lan Wangji’s moral crisis! (Or, okay, not the beginning but this is definitely a major breaking point for his worldview, I think, and where his questioning really, truly begins.) 

It’s just...a lot of good. Everything with Wen Qing searching for Wen Ning’s body hurts so bad. Wei Wuxian coming stalking back into the camp with vengeance on the brain is as gloriously sexy as that vibe always is on him. And the confrontation between Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian? oh man. 

Juicy. And also. Ouch. 

(And am I a sucker for everything about ‘former allies ending up on opposite sides and one of them saying something along the lines of ‘if I’m going to die then I’d rather it was you who killed me’ yes I sure am! I didn’t cry nearly as much on my third watch but this scene is another one of my points that I think of when I think of bits in The Untamed that make me cry.

And as we’ve established already, I just love to cry.

7. God like. All of episode 19? Is that cheating? But it’s all so good! We have suffering Wei Wuxian! Mouthing off while being tortured! The entire sequence of him grabbing the sword and that moment of choice where his life turns as he answers that question (do you want revenge?) with a resounding yes? 

Lan Wangji absolutely fucking up some Wens on a desperate quest for Wei Wuxian? Teaming up with Jiang Cheng? (Do I still want to see more of that team up in that time? Yes please!!) SPOOKY FUCKING FLUTE MUSIC STARTING SIGNALING EXTREMELY OMINOUS THINGS TO COME?

Anyway it’s all very “fuck yeah, this is all quite tailored to me and my interests, thank you.”

8. Jiang Yanli coming for Jin Zixun’s life. I feel like I should just link to this analysis of this scene that really breaks it all down in detail? But god so satisfying. I mean, Jin Zixun is truly one of the most hateable characters in this show, in my opinion, and seeing Jiang Yanli step up and politely and meticulously demolish him is like. So satisfying. 

The face of a woman about to murder someone. But with words.

I really wish we could’ve seen more of this Jiang Yanli, because before this point she’s all softness and gentleness and while that’s very true of her - this part of her is also there, always, and I’d love to have seen more of it.

But like. Getting it here? Stunning. Showstopping. Love it.

9. Wei Wuxian wrecks a party, but, like, sexily. I mean, he wrecks a few parties, but I’m thinking specifically of the one in episode 26 prior to Qiongqi Path, take one. Everything about that whole scene is gold top to bottom, but what really gets me going is everything from the dramatic entrance (I’m tempted to make a list of Wei Wuxian’s best dramatic entrances) onward to “sexy menacing countdown.” It’s just all so...I mean, I’ve talked about how much I love furiously angry and on the verge of losing it Wei Wuxian, and this is some prime that material. 

(Pictured: the sexiest way anyone has ever said the word ‘two.’)

And just! The tension of it all, how it builds and builds and builds and even when it finally releases when Zixun caves there’s still all this lingering “oh fuck! that’s bad!” dread...it’s just very good. 

And I also love it as one of those key plot turning moments where it’s like. This isn’t the irrevocable break, but it’s a big one as far as ‘no going back from this.’

And like. Not just Wei Wuxian, everyone else in this scene is excellent too. Just. Mm. Good.

10. Wei Wuxian is sexy when he’s mean and that’s just the truth. Which is to say: the very bad breakup scene between him and Lan Wangji in episode 20. I’ve read two different analyses of this scene, both brilliant (by @hunxi-guilai here, and @neuxue here), and I feel like I can’t add much to that other than to reiterate that Wei Wuxian is very sexy when he’s mean, and the layers of everything going on in this scene are. Ugh!!! So good.

(I mean, also everything that comes before, I have put myself down firmly in camp “Wei Wuxian is also sexy when he murders people, you go Wei Ying, murder people as much as you want, it’s hot.” And the hug with Jiang Cheng! (THAT HUG. IT IS SUCH A HUG.))

But the confrontation between him and Lan Wangji in particular! it is so fuckin good. Honestly just read the linked analyses, I’ve got nothing I can say better that’s not in there, just a lot of “ahhhhhhh” about it all.

BONUS MENTIONS TO: basically every time Wei Wuxian Yiling Laozus, “stay and die with me.” 

#anonymous #conversating #fucking FINALLY #no idea how coherent this is but well #the sad queer cultivators show #the untamed #i am SURE i've forgotten things here #lise does meta #i mean the end of episode 50 is also prime in a lot of ways #IF I LET MYSELF KEEP GOING I'LL GO TOTALLY WILD THOUGH #love how many of these are just 'i like it when my faves suffer'

[nokaru]

2021 Creator Self-Love Extravaganza!

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 favorite works (fics, art, edits, etc.) you’ve created this year and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you’ve brought into the world in 2021. If you don’t have five published works, that’s fine! Include ideas/drafts/whatever you like that you’ve worked on/thought about, and talk a little about them instead! Remember, this is all about self-love and positive enthusiasm, so fuck the rules if you need to. Have fun, and tag as many fellow creators as you like so they can share the love! <3

Tagged by @onedivinemisfit

Oh boy I didn't expect this as Im more of a baby creator haha. This year was a big step for me cause I got my first graphic tablet (just this June i think?) WOW. I finally grew some balls and posted one of my first AnS fanarts, I obviously still have a long way to go and a lot of stuff to learn but Im very proud of myself :) cant wait to get better and make more lovely fanart like everyone else here!

Year total: 17(ish) artworks baby steps lets gooo

1. Shirayuki thinks you are doing great!

The second work I ever posted! Ah the FEELS I get from this one. I still love it and it actually gives me motivation, I just jshqkafjfjshfksfsfjds yeah she's the cutest <3

2. “Wildflowers best stay wild.”

Torou my beloved, my darling, my everything + flower symbolism, Im over the moon with this one cause as you can see 90% of my brain contains Torou and flowers :,) I had so much fun researching cornflowers and learning more about them! I'm petting my back for Torou's hair (and choking from that horrible skin). I remember having a hard time with this new brush but I think I’m finally getting a hang of it.

3. This shitpost meme lol idk

I'm too much of a clown not to include this one. In all honesty I unironically absolutely adore this one, not only is this the first time I drew Kiki but its also the first time I tried proper coloring oh boy I LOVE THE COLORS Im so so proud this is where I peaked xD Kiki is simply the best what a queen.

4. AnS x The Owl House AU

Ah yes my forgotten The Owl House AU, It still brings me joy even though I don't keep up with Owl house anymore. One of my best pieces hands down, love everything about this, the pose, colors, Shirayuki as a plant witch and her small pointy ears aaaaa Coming up with the headcanons and scenarios was such an amazing experience, I haven't had so much fun in a long time. When TOH comes back from a hiatus I'll explore more of this AU for sure.

5. Zenyuki lullaby

Cute Zenyuki moment I drew for Alex as a gift! Heavily inspired by chapter 100 and Alex's prompt. I'm in love with the atmosphere in there so I tried something similar yet different. An idea hit me like a train and I just couldn't rest lmao. Really one of my favourite Zenyuki moments.

I had so much fun this year and I can see a lot of improvement, time to get on the grind and get better! Hope next year and other years will be as entertaining as this one :D Thank you everyone~

Tagging: @randomwriter  @what-plant-metaphor-am-i @time-speculo and more and more of you lovely people <33

#tag meme #2021 wrap up #akagami no shirayukihime #ans #snow white with the red hair #shirayuki #zenyuki #Thank you for the tag I really appreciate it ❤️ #Wow I still got a long way to go better get back to it

[bondsmagii]

what's up ratthew! I remember reading about your posts about your university days and wanted to know if you have any tips for surviving uni. I'll be starting my three years of soc communications and am absolutely shitting myself at the thought but also so so happy.

holy FUCK man congrats first of all but I'm gonna be honest with you... I am probably not the best role model for uni life 😂 I had a miserable time at uni, and to be honest I'm trying to get myself back into uni so I can do another degree and actually have fun with it/work to my own standards this time. it was a total washout and while I have some good memories I ovwrwhelmingly suffered and died over and over every day for four years so like... 😬 you know?

anyway that disclaimer aside I do have some tips I've picked up, though a few might be a little niche thanks to the circumstances I picked them up in.

first of all: please let go of any expectations. there's a whole culture around what Uni Is Supposed To Be Like and let me tell you what... you come down hard with a bump if you're not prepared to do some romanticising. that's not to say there won't be moments, but try to have realistic expectations.

meet any housemates/roommates as soon as possible. get talking to them. try to go out for drinks or food together during the first week. you don't have to be best friends but you are going to be living together for a year so you might as well try to get along.

if your housemates turn out to be dicks don't take any shit. like obviously don't cause any trouble that you don't want to deal with but also don't let them dictate how the whole house goes. see above point. you only have to put up with them for a year. you can be a little evil, as a treat.

get involved with some clubs and societies. hands down all my best uni memories are because of the clubs I was in. it's some good craic and if you ever get on any administrative level it looks good when you apply for jobs/further education.

try to keep some sort of schedule, even if it's "study [x] for two hours every Tuesday" or whatever. doing a little bit of something throughout the term is way better than cramming at the end, trust me.

use the uni resources. make bold and constant use of the library, online collections, etc. you are paying for that shit so get your money's worth.

don't book any classes before 10am. you won't go. it's not physically possible. (if anyone reading this managed this feat, no you didn't and also I'm denouncing you before the committee for bourgeoise depravities.)

please god do you readings before classes. you might think you'll get away with it and maybe you will, at first, but one day EVERYONE is going to have the same "well everyone else will have done it so I can just coast" thought and all 12 of you will not do the reading and your tutor will tell you there's no point in continuing and send you all home and you'd think unplanned time off would be a treat but in fact the shame will be excruciating. just do the reading.

budget well for food but don't think you have to eat like shit all the time. you need good food to concentrate and to be happy so make sure you're not living on instant noodles plain every single day. bulk cook nice things, make time to cook, have a treat every now and then, whatever works. just don't buy into the myth that all students have to put utter crap in their bodies.

go a bit nuts. uni is a fantastic time for trying out new everything: names, aesthetics, hobbies, interests, outlooks, etc. embrace it. it's a lot of fun and lots of people are doing it, so the energy is wild.

if you hear anything strange calling your name from the forest behind your house, just leave it. (this may be specific to me.)

romanticise the shit out of whatever you want tbh

again, don't forget to have fun and go nuts. sincerely. uni is made for going a bit nuts.

try to do some studying every so often but as my degree proves, this is optional.

have fun and good luck!

#anon #asks

[terrence-silver]

you said that twig would write love letters to his beloved...what do you suppose they'd say?

Okay, I've written this to a friend on Discord way, way back, around the time when we got the first flashbacks and I've also included it in Guerilla Warfare, but here's my compilation of figurative Twig war love letters to a beloved:

---

1.

'I can't wait to be with you! Somewhere where the grass is soft and green and harmless! Not like here, all jagged and wild and unpredictable. Dangerous. Captain Turner advised us not to put our guard down and stay alert with tall vegetation - could be a convenient spot for an ambush, but that's beside the point, really. I just want to sprawl one of those soft patchwork blankets on the ground, in the pleasant shade of a tall tree, and talk to you, for hours. Maybe we can bring along a picnic basket? Fill it with all the goodies and sweets we can possibly eat in one day, although, I'm puzzled how we'll carry it! Maybe with bikes! Oh, boy! Sure do miss those - the candies I mean, not the bikes (although, those too!) - haven't had them in ages - what do you think about it? Would you like that? Would you…like me putting my hand around your throat? That beautiful, delectable throat you're flaunting on that the picture you sent me in the envelope? I've hidden it, you know. So nobody can see. It's my little secret now. You're right in the pouch, where I keep my knife. A lucky charm. You've seen as many hits as I have. Would you like me squeezing you within an inch of your life? Maybe wrap a nice rope around it and push you unto my cock? Are you a virgin? I am. I want to taste the blood that flows out of you when I slide inside and pierce you open for myself, for the first time ever. I wonder if it'll be sweet? It must be. Because you are. Oh, you're so sweet. Speaking of sweet, what's your favorite type of dessert? I incidentally haven't had actual ice-cream in more then I can remember. I'm absolutely deprived of it! Can't wait for us to go out somewhere and have a whole batch! What's your favorite flavor!? Mine's literally every!'

2.

'You want to know why I like vanilla flavor the best? It's so underrated and good and soft! It's hard not to enjoy and love in spite of how many people overlook it! And I'm so glad you'd agree! Kindred spirits! Wow, I should totally marry you and have you make batches for me constantly and forever! It'll be so fun! I can't wait! On the subject of forever - you don't plan on stopping your responses any time soon, are you? I'd be dreadfully sad! I mean, your last letter was two weeks late. Is something the matter? Our delivery correspondent left me awfully empty handed at base and I was so very afraid you got bored of me! Or angry! Or both!? You don't want me cashing you down, do you? How fast can you run? I'm told I'm pretty fast. I was the fastest in my class, you know! For eight consecutive years! Don't think I ever told you. Well, you never asked, anyhow, but you know now. Think we should try and race one time. I'll even give you a head-start because you're my baby - and then once I catch up to you, which I of course will, you can be good and take some time explaining what's it with you and being all hot and cold and hot and cold? I don't like that. No, no, no, I don't like that one bit. I mean I like everything about you, though, I'm just owed an explanation, I feel. Maybe even an apology? A sincere one. Not a fake one. Of course, I'd never be mean to you, my angelcake, I'm just saying - don't let a fellow down now. You know how badly I want you? Do you touch yourself? If you don't, then don't. Save it for me. If you do, think on me. Only on me. I think about you always. Constantly. Every waking moment. It rained incessantly, it still does, as I'm writing this. Maybe you can even see the droplets smearing the ink in certain places - but, I know you never mind, my blossom. I wonder what it would be like, wrestling you into the mud and just…'

3.

'I've a friend and his name's John. John Kreese. He's a real stand-up fellow, you know? Real solid one! Saved my ass more then once! He has a sweetheart too! Her name is Betsy! We saw her picture! Too many of us saw her picture, in fact. A total of two! I don't like it. Don't like it one bit. Well, unlike him, I never told anyone about you, though. Never showed you to anyone. Never want to either, if I'm honest. I'm deathly jealous of the photograph you sent me. They're my pals and I care for them more then I can describe, but the idea of someone seeing you drives me nuts. Every polaroid grain and hue and overture of color and outline and blend on a collection of atoms that puts together a singular piece of snapped paper that holds your face belongs to me. Even the scent of it, as vague as it could be, and the fact that it was at one point near you and that I can viscerally smell and touch you, the very paper your fingers brushed is too much to bear. I'd rather burn you with matches, then have anyone even vaguely see you, comment your skin or your eyes or your lips or your - anything. I scratch your name and your address out on the envelopes your responses arrive in, before I even open it, in the fear someone will see, someone will know - someone will ask. The delivery staff at camp looks at me funny. I want cover their eyes too. Blind them, even! Hope they step on a landmine and die. Do you incidentally enjoy the caramel cookie recipe suggestion I sent last time? Did you try it!? You must! My mother used to make that for me constantly! She'd love you!'

4.

'So, when my pa' married my ma' he sort of just stuffed her into a car and drove off with her, you know? Skipped this whole correspondence and pen-palling process we have. They didn't even date. Or wait. Didn't even particularly know each other too well! Did I ever tell you that anecdote? No? I don't recall, no. Maybe it's best left for sometime when we meet. You can tell me how your folks met and I'll tell you more about mine, if that's alright with you - but, we'll be sweethearts going steady and fiances to be wedded, so of course it'll be alright! But, what I mean to re-iterate is, I don't have anything against just taking you. Finding and taking you. If your family doesn't agree or like me too well, that doesn't have to be a detriment to any sort of relationship! Even them talking you out of it doesn't have to be. Or you changing your mind, although I don't see how or why you would, although I confess I sometimes smell hesitation and a certain something I can't name in the very tone of your words on the very paper that flies out to me. It's like a kind of magic, you see. I can envision your expression as your write to me and it's not a very nice expression. I don't enjoy you not having a nice expression. Do you love me? Because I love you. I love you so very much my entrails hurt with an inch I can't scratch unless I splinter my heart wide open. And maybe you want to provoke me, I don't quite know, but perhaps that's not the smartest thing to do. When my pa' married my mom, or well, proposed, if you will, she was given two choices; He drove her out into the desert, presented her with a stack of playing cards and bid her to have a round against him. Real funny charmer, that one. Catch was, there was no way home, but with his car. Well, he also conveniently brought a revolver with him if things got too complicated. She of course said yes and then they had me and now I'm here, responding to you. Funny how everything's connected? Small-world, huh? Very small.' 'Small enough to find you.'

5.

'What do you sound like? Describe it to me next time. In detail. I want to envision your voice through your own words, you know, like one of those school assignments people have. Is it low? Husky? Chipper? What's your tone like? How do you pronounce words? How do you pronounce my name? I like to think about it. Your voice, in concept. Don't laugh, but it brings me comfort and sometimes when I'm bored and the patrols get long and tedious and the exhaustion reaches past the point of all fatigue, I swear I can hear you, through the sweat and the hunger and the heatstroke and the pain. How funny is that? Hearing someone you've never heard before? You're in my head, somehow. I don't know how, but you are. It's like this faint, small thing. This echo. The echo of an echo. Maybe I'm imagining it. Probably am. Medic says it's a byproduct of being shell-shocked or something and that I might need to be relegated for a week or two at base for a couple of examinations but I don't believe that. I really don't. I know what I'm going through and it's not anything being wrong with my brain! You're really there. It's like you live there. Inside of me. It's really difficult to explain. Have you ever experienced something like that? Do you even know what I'm talking about? Do you sometimes hear me too? Like, when it's really quiet - your room is so silent and dark it practically vibrates into the abyss and the quietude starts screaming at you, begging to be pierced and listened to - can you close your eyes and hear me in the pitch blackness, calling out to you? From across the distance? Because I hear you. I hear you always. I hear you asking me to come be with you and get back as soon as possible. To be safe. To stay alive. You sound so gorgeous. I wonder if you sound like that in reality too? You must, surely.'

6.

'Do you think I'm a sniveling coward? Do you agree with everyone else? I would hope you don't. I got called every variety of that moniker so many times since our release that the nickname is starting to stick in my mind. Our Captain has called me that too. He's passed away recently. Did you know? Probably not. How could you? Well, he has. We couldn't even recover his remains. It was an accident. Many of the soldiers who did too. I'm believing them, even though they're no longer with us. Their ghosts haunt me even now. I don't react to my own name anymore. Or to Twig. I react to 'sniveling coward.' Even in my dreams, I'm someone other then I used to be. I'm no longer me. I don't remember who me was exactly. I'm who they assigned me to be. And I feel they're right, you know? I am a sniveling coward. I want you to call me lovely names in your next letter, even though I don't deserve it anymore. Please? Can you do that for me? Would you do that for me? I hope you're not ashamed of me. I'd never be ashamed of you. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever. Even if you killed someone, just like I did. In fact, I'd help you, if need be. Can I be your beloved? Your sweetheart? Your darling? Your honey? Make up some pretty things you'd bestow of me on your own. I need it to survive. I'll try to envision a reality where I've earned such endearments. I'm laying in the infirmary. Day seven. Don't worry. I'm alright. It's just a routine check. Johnny got released a few days earlier, but Ponytail didn't make it. That's my fault too. It's all my fault. Always. I wished all three of them could've met you one day, although, I'm so defensive about it too. I'd be a bit jealous of everyone you'd ever speak to, although I love my friends so, so, so, so much. Your beautiful words are for me only. I beg you to address me with every loving think you can imagine. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I loveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIlvoeyoulvoelvoelovoeoeoe…'

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(Last but not least, since I'm from an Eastern Bloc country, I figured it would be kind of funny if I composed a letter of Twig's to a beloved from the same background and since these letters would've been written in the late 60's with political misalignment happening, getting a bit of a star-crossed lovers situation, well --- 😂)

7.

'You know what; nobody has to know. You're not like the ones we kill. Captain Turner said they're all disturbed inane cockroaches that riddle the dung-heaps of the earth but, you see, I disagree. Please don't get offended by his words. You're my precious rare butterfly. You're the feather off of the wing of an angel. You're my lone moonbeam. You're my ladybug. You're different. So different. No you're - good and beautiful and sweet and precious and pure and you're mine. You hear that - you're mine! We like the same flavor of ice-cream and we enjoy desserts and picnics and we both burn to excess in the sun and get these profuse red patches that ache and refuse to subside for months and months and I never met someone quite as funny, smart and understanding as you are, and it'll be our little secret and I'll tuck you away and hide you and we can just say you're shy or ill when someone asks after you, and I'll do all the talking and all the introductions and you'll just stay behind and if you're afraid, you can just lock yourself inside of your room and I'll hold unto the key and it'll all be safe and sound with me and I'll come and be with you always and always and always - I'll just deal with everything - I absolutely promise.'

#terry silver #terry silver twig #kk3 #cobra kai #terry silver x reader #terry silver x beloved #terry silver imagine #terry silver imagines #from discord #angst #fluff