#If any of them break that’s ok you can just share the pieces around and spread the love even more

[whyoneartheven]

Merry Christmas everyone!!!

I just wanted to say thank you to all of you for being the most amazing friends!! I haven’t talked to a lot of you in a while since I’ve barely been on tumblr at all, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you! May God bless you all :)

@akchimp75 @kiwi-der-vogel-alt @unclemoriarty @margindoodles2407 @ginjusttalkaboutnothing @almost-an-artist @taddy-cat @phoenix-arts7 @bluevaractyl @cal-the-duende @uniquevoidflowers @luciennelune @cheerfullycatholic @endlessartpumpkin @jullbnt @mrmedimedes @kommandantpinks @onceuponaladye @star-ocean-peahen @snowiwyvern @cextra-loz @candy8448 @adrift-in-thyme @prince-of-red-lions @marsnoodlesoup @grenapple0547 @isasan347 @sparkledragon04 @anime-obsessed @yeriah

have this picture my dad took early Christmas morning!! (at like 1 am XD)

Also here is my church, all lit up with candles for Christmas Mass :D

Finally….

Hehehe

#Evie rambles #throwing love at all of you like Christmas ornaments #If any of them break that’s ok you can just share the pieces around and spread the love even more #Andnndnajdjsjjsjsj #All of you #ALL OF YOU #YOU’RE AMAZING #Some of you I’ve actually barely talked to at all #But that changes nothing 😎👍 #Ily guysss #ALSO #if you tagged me in something i WILL get to it #I’ve been pretty busy getting ready for the holidays #But life will be slowing down again soon :D

[danikamariewrites]

Coronation Day

Eris x reader

Summary: Eris is nervous about being crowned. As his wife and soon-to-be High Lady you calm his nerves with a loving pep talk. @erisweek2023

Warnings: none

Eris anxiously twisted at the gold rings on his fingers as he paced over to the mirror to check his appearance for the thousandth time. You watched him from a crack in the door before you decided to enter. You wanted to catch him at a calm moment, but it didn’t seem like he was having one.

You lightly knock on the door, pushing it open just enough to slip in the room. Eris gave you a bewildered look, “What are you doing here? I thought I’d meet you in there.” You rolled your eyes at your husband, giving him a small smirk. “Eris, you’re acting like this is our wedding day. I can see you before crowning you know.”

Eris gave you a tight lipped smile while flexing his hands to calm his nerves. You rest your hands on his biceps, “Eris. It’s ok. Come sit, let’s talk.” You guide him over to the love seat in the middle of the room. Adjusting your train and pushing your open sleeves back so your arms are free. You fold your hands over Eris’s in his lap, giving them a light reassuring squeeze. “What’s wrong, my love?” Eris exhales deeply, leaning his forehead on yours. You look into his russet eyes, finally noticing all the pent up emotions of the last few weeks.

“I’m afraid, y/n. Afraid they won’t accept me or that I’ll turn into my father. Am I even worthy of this title?” You couldn’t believe he was questioning himself right now. After the hundreds of years of hard work and sneaking around no one deserved this more than him. Eris made sure this family kept it together. He was your protector. The protector of this court. How could he fail when he’s been doing this for years.

“Listen to me, you have done so much for so long. You’ve been picking up the broken pieces your father left behind since you were a boy. You are going to make an amazing High Lord, Eris.” He closed his eyes. A single tear escaping down his cheek. You tenderly wipe it away, kissing his cheek softly. “Thank you spark. You’re going to make the best High Lady. I can’t thank you enough for staying by my side.”

You giggle at the pet name. He said that you are the wild spark that ignites his flames. You pushed him to be his very best, and you’d keep doing that for eternity.

“Come on. Let’s get this over with so we can get to the fun stuff.” You pat his thigh and guide him to stand.

Standing outside the doors of the throne room you adjust his doublet making sure he looks perfect. “Now you’re sure you want to be crowned at the same time?” Eris raises an eyebrow at you, “I wouldn’t have it any other way, spark.” You both face the doors, taking in a deep breath and exhaling together.

Two sentries open the doors, music sounds and you plaster a smile on your face. You and Eris walk hand in hand toward the dias where your new thrones sat.

You could see Eris taking in the room as you went. His mother smiled brightly from beside the thrones. His brothers, even Lucien, stood waiting for him. The other High Lords and their courts were seated among your court members. Eris saw your family. Your brother and sister smiling at you with your parents in the front row.

The two of you kneel in front of the dias, facing your people. You and Eris share a small loving look before the priestess starts speaking. Her words go by quickly. Before you know it the golden leaf crown is being placed on Eris’s soft firey locks. You can’t help the grin that breaks out on your lips. It’s official. He’s going to make his home safer. Make Prythian safer.

You startle a little when the priestess lays a matching crown on your own head. Your eyes never leave Eris. The priestess announces you as High Lord and Lady and the room erupts into applause as the two of you stand.

Eris looks at you with a triumphant smile. He couldn’t wait to start this journey with you. It felt like your lives were just starting.

#acotar #acotar fanfiction #acotar reader fic #acotar reader imagine #acotar imagine #eris x reader #eris vanserra #high lord eris #eris vanserra x reader #erisweek2023 #eris acotar #eris fluff #eris vanserra fluff #eris vanserra acotar #eris vanserra fic #eris x you

[pumpkinbxtch]

ok ok I know this is kinda random but I am a HUGE Octavian simp for literally no reason but honestly? I trust you to see this ask and do with it what you will <3

Octavian is My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys 100000000% he stole my tortured heart for no reason he's just an annoying lil guy

Can you do an Octavian x Daughter of Poseidon/Neptune!reader where they have a kinda off/on relationship? Totally ok if you don't want to though! I love your writing!

f.u.

— octavian x daughter of neptune

☆radiostar is playin': f.u. — little mix…!

warnings; angst, off-on realtionship, (more) mean octavian, language, octavian himself is a warning (lol) a/n; yep, absolutely, Octavian is annoying really, I HATE HIM but as my mother taylor said: it's the worst men i write the best. I've never said it but I love writing angst, bro someone commit me to the psychiatric. Anyway, THANKS, hope you like this. Love, María

—I swear I'm going to drown you in your sleep!— Each word made you grip the glass tighter until Octavian could hear the material creaking, on the verge of breaking. His eyes focused nervously on the glass, but all you got out of him was a defiant hum.

—Come on...— His gaze was as empty as the promises he always made, yet you felt his warm hand wrap around your wrist, forcing you to release the glass. He gently shook your hand twice until the glass fell into his free hand. You thought it was an act of consideration for your well-being until he smashed it on the floor himself.

That was him, always showing a vulnerable side only to shatter any sign of it later. He smirked mockingly.

— You’d never do that to me.— That arrogant glint in his eyes made your stomach turn.

He was a bastard.

Disgusting.

You hated him.

You were done.

But by standing still, you proved him right, and he finally let go, heading to the kitchen. His casual footsteps echoed in the dimly lit apartment, illuminated by nearly spent candles 'cause you had been waiting for hours, cooked your best, dressed nice for him, and Octavian just decided to make you wait for four hours.

When he returned, you were still in the same spot. He didn’t even bother to look at you because sweeping up the glass shards seemed more important than picking up your broken heart. He had hurt it too many times for it to matter anymore so yes, maybe the shattered glass was more urgent to clean up.

You watched him pick up the larger pieces with his hands, and then you saw it on the collar of his shirt, something small but enough to explain why he had been so late. A lipstick stain jumped out at you, mocking you.

— was that — you murmured. He sighed heavily, knowing exactly what you meant. It drove you crazy that he didn’t even try to hide it anymore.

—So? — he asked dryly, tossing the shards into a plastic bag to keep them from mixing with the regular trash. He thought that would keep you from getting hurt, how ironic.

You stayed silent, glaring at him with knitted brows. Tears of hatred started to well up, causing an effect only you could have on him, the reason you stayed in this on-again, off-again relationship: his self-pity and subsequent regret.

But even though you could make him feel something almost impossible for him, it was too weak against his ways because he still didn’t apologize; he just kept cleaning.

If you were realistic, you weren’t in a position to demand answers. The state of your relationship was as uncertain as ever, unstable. You didn’t even know what you were to each other at that moment, but you were too scared to say it out loud and break the thread. So you just sat there, watching him finish.

And as you did, you couldn’t remember the last time you laughed together or shared a good moment without fearing breaking the relationship. Where had the good times gone? You let out a sob and didn’t realize you were about to cry like a baby until that moment.

Octavian’s sickly blue eyes looked at you, but you were too deep in your sorrow to care even if he stayed or left. He sighed and sat beside you, only by taking a seat at the table did he become aware of what he had left behind: a cold lasagna, melted candles, and two empty plates. The perfect scene of something very messed up, turning a genuine act of love upside down. You were like the sun to him, illuminating him when he should have been the one doing it.

His long hands slid across the table to stroke your arm, and he began to murmur nonsense, the same things as always because that’s how he fixed things. You shook your head, hiding your face in your hands, fighting the sobs.

— Come on, baby— he insisted, and you kept shaking your head like a hurt child. — I didn’t mean to... You know you’re the only one.

You heard the chair scrape as he moved closer, one hand wrapping around your waist.

— Get out.

He shook his head, insistently kissing your shoulder and nuzzling your cheek, trying to get you to look at him like he was the stray, wounded dog.

— Please, can we talk?

— We’ve talked enough — your voice trembling, making a hollow form in his heart. He was surprised to realize he had one, and for your bad luck, it beat for you.

He leaned in and kissed your neck gently. That was dangerous, and you knew it, but you didn’t pull away.

—I was an idiot — he murmured, leaving a trail of kisses up to your jawline, where his lips tasted salty from your tears.

He moved your hands away from your face, you no longer resisting much. It was the first time he looked at your face since he arrived, and with that gaze of his, something in those cold eyes gave you enough warmth to keep looking at them. It wasn’t ideal, but it was just enough.

He tried to smile, but it came like a smirk. He kissed you, and you let him. His lips melded with yours as more tears fell, just like you had fallen again into his game.

— Things will be different — he murmured, not stopping the kisses or the hair-stroking that kept you dazed. He tightened his grip on your waist, slowly pulling you into his lap. —Things will work between us.

Empty promises with sweet affection. His hand moved to the edge of your dress, playing with the fabric near your knees. Your hand on his shoulder as you kept kissing slowly, or you might truly break.

You had lost count of how many times those words came from his mouth, how many times you had reconciled this way, but your desire for it to be true never diminished, only grew. You wanted to believe him this time, like all the times before, but he knew the truth and was too cowardly to admit it, to accept it because he had seen the future: You weren’t his, but he resisted letting you go.

No matter if it only broke you more, if you stopped being you, if he stopped being him.

You had to leave first, and what he didn’t know was that the next morning, after one last kiss, you would.

#maría's shared dreams☆｡ﾟ✧ #octavian pjo #octavian x reader #octavian pjo x reader #octavian hoo #heroes of olympus #pjo hoo toa #pjo

[theharrowing]

OK FOR HEADCANONS!!!!

You write a lot of characters out at bar and club scenes, and I am curious about your take on where the members would be (like the kind of nightlife place) and how they would approach reader to get conversation started of offer a drink, etc.

hello, anon! 🥃💃🕺

these are still hinging on being a little more fictionally over-the-top than absolutely genuine headcanons, but i hope you enjoy them!

the members approaching you in a nightlife setting:

Namjoon - at a gallery opening, Namjoon will hover a bit, then approach to give some factoid about whatever piece you are looking at, or some insight about the artist. he will fumble over his words and smile sheepishly into his champagne glass, and act way too humble when the gallery director and/or showing artist approaches to thank him for his patronage. he will be so cute when he asks if you mind he joins you for the rest of the night, and he will continue to follow you around and tell you everything he knows about the art, becoming increasingly talkative the more free champagne he drinks.

Seokjin - at a fancy restaurant, Seokjin gets your attention by sending you extra meat, which he has added to his own tab, making sure the server points him out so that he can give you a smile that is an attempt at being smug, despite his ears and neck turning red, giving him away. he will eventually come by and invite you to go to a place he knows just down the street for some drinks, taking you to a bar that almost nobody seems to know about, and getting served by a tender who knows him by name.

Yoongi - he noticed you at the concert but was too shy to say hi, especially with all the cameras around. so when he spots you at the whiskey bar after, he just knows he has to say something. seated next to you at he bar, he will strike up a conversation with the tender in hopes that you chime in, maybe bring up the concert you were both at. and he finally does catch your eyes, he will absolutely melt, smile wide and pretty, and talk your ear off about music, whiskey, and anything else that may come up.

Hoseok - the club is loud, but it is unmistakable, as soon as you do some over-the-top dance move to impress your friends and the strangers around you, when he shouts, "Oh, shit!" so loud, you whip your head around. he will hand his drink off to a friend and then begin the dance battle, making silly sounds pulling faces just to make you laugh, absolutely obliterating anyone who dares challenge him, but still hyping you up as if you have the best moves. and seeing him like this—panting and sweating—will make your head spin.

Jimin - his stares are so insistent, you start to feel them burning into you whenever you attempt to talk to your friends. no matter where in the club you go, you check for him, hoping that he is still around and watching you, feeling glad when you notice that he is. when you finally break away from the group to use the bathroom, your breath will hitch when you come back out into the club and find him waiting for you. he will not waste any time, eyeing you like a prize while asking your name and reaching for your hand when offering to get you a drink. the way he switches from shy and cute to assured and sexy is intoxicating, and you take his hand and let him tug you through the crowd, to the bar.

Taehyung - being the only person at the jazz club under the age of 50, he is impossible not to spot, and you watch all night as he waltzes with older ladies, spinning them carefully and making them smile. he returns to the bar from time to time for a refill on his water, making lingering eye contact whenever you slide the glass his way, then he waits for you to get off work, asking if you have eaten yet, and then badgering you nicely to suggest something. he needs to eat, too, and he is curious what you like, and although he will stop at a food cart along the way to get a snack, he still orders everything on the menu that you suggest, urging you to share with him.

Jungkook - the night market is in full swing, and he is hinging on drunk, leaning with both elbows against the booth and moaning into his third plate of food. everything you have handed him turns him into putty, and he begs you for more, suggesting you make it a little spicier than normal, and his smiles are so sweet, you give him a little extra, too. he insists that you drink and eat with him, whining when you decline because you have to work. no matter, though; he will wait for you to get off work so he can ask you for all the recipes, and when you accept his invitation to go to some nearby karaoke room, his eyes will light up brighter than the stars.

find more headcanons in my master list!

#bts headcanons #bts imagines #bts x reader #seokjin x reader #namjoon x reader #yoongi x reader #hoseok x reader #jimin x reader #taehyung x reader #jungkook x reader #spring break ficstravaganza 🌞

[choocokookie]

OH SHIT THE BRAZILIAN FANDOM EXISTS!!! ummm how about... what it's like for the bloomic LIs to like someone who is... quite a bit shorter than them (about 1.50m). it can be sweet or nsfw, whichever you feel like!

Haha, yes, we exist! It is quite a small fandom, however, it is delightful to be around. Well, I really liked writing this piece... but I couldn't come with anything NSFW that was interesting to post at the blog. So, I will keep this one 100% SFW. Hope you still liking and thanks for the support <3

cw: gender neutral reader

Nightowl isn’t the tallest man alive, however, whenever he is near you it is impossible to not see his grin growing wider and wider at his lips. What can he do? You are just so adorable near him, he deeply adores to involve your delicate body with his arms and rest his chin over your head.

Teasing you is one of his favorite hobbies… After all, seeing your puffed cheeks and angry expression is too much for his heart, who warms up whenever he is able to rip out from you this kind of behavior. But don’t worry, he will never go too far… he may be a teaser, but he is not a cruel man. He just loves to provoke you, to watch you being slightly mad with him.

However, right after those moments of the man being quite mean, he will compensate you with comfortable cuddles. Owl will bring your body closer to his, so close in a point both heartbeats seem to be linked. As he rests his chin over your head, you know plenty well that it is impossible to escape from his embrace at this point… but it is ok. You know it is just his way to share his love with you, and honestly, you absolutely adore it.

Quest figure is so different from yours on an almost comic level. His tall and strong body is the complete opposite of yours, who is small and delicate… Whenever you two go out in public, it is impossible to not attract the attention from curious people. Saying that those people don't bother the man would be a lie, however, having you by his side can make all this situation way better.

The brunette is so kind with you… just like he is afraid of breaking your figure. As he holds you against his body, you can notice quite well how gentle he is trying to be with you, how much this gigantic man loves you to the point that he is scared of somehow harming you. And oh dear, it is so adorable. Your lips cross all his face, spreading sweet kisses all over it as you openly say how much you love him with all your heart.

Cuddling with him is such a good feeling… you feel so small in his grip, so protected. It is just like nothing could ever touch you again and somehow cause you any kind of harm. He is just like a big and comfortable bear, who is there to give you the affection you just crave so much.

It is almost impossible to not feel small around Toasty. A naturally tall person like them would already make anyone feel just so short, however, you are a very special case… Whenever they need to talk with you, you can notice their figure slowly curving itself until the point they are finally able to properly speak with you.

Kissing him is always a hard task, so, whenever you two want to share this sweet affectionate moment, you need to get on the tip of your toes… and it is just so cute. He never thought much about the height difference of his partners before, however, seeing you trying your best to be able to feel his warm lips against yours is something that can bring quite a cozy feeling to his heart.

Whenever you two are changing innocent touches with each other, laying over the soft bed, you can feel their chin kindly resting over your head - just like Nightowl does. In their embrace, you can realize how skinny your boyfriend is… even tho, you just love to feel so close to them at this point. You feel so small and loved by your lover.

If you taught Nightowl was a teaser, it is because you haven’t heard what Xyx enjoys making with you. At any chance he gets, he grabs an item and places it on a topper shelf, holds it right above you and intentionally avoids your kisses raising just a little bit his head. It is so adorable to see you all mad and embarrassed, doll… one of his favorite pastimes when you are around.

Don’t tho, he is more than ok to after such moments of teasing finally rewarding you with the affection you crave so much. He gently presses his lips over your neck, as he asks for you to forgive this poor man… And being completely honest with you: it is not like you can stay mad with him for such a long time. You love this man and the charm he carries with his personality… he is just so delightful.

When you come back to home, tired from your exhausting work, who seems to steal little by little your soul, you just wanna throw yourself in his hugs - and Xyx doesn’t mind even a bit with it. He firmly holds you, like he is afraid of you running away from your touch… but he isn’t rude or anything like that. The way he hugs you shows love and affection… an affection that makes his heart at least a little bit warmer.

#blooming panic fanfic #bloomic #blooming panic x reader #blooming panic #nightowl blooming panic #quest blooming panic #blooming panic x mc #nightowl x reader #nightowl #nightowl fanfic #quest fanfic #quest #quest x reader #nakedtoasted fanfic #nakedtoaster x reader #naked toaster #nakedtoaster #toaster x reader #toasty fanfic #toasty x reader #toasty #xyx x reader #xyx #xyx fanfic

[munv]

Can i request a Gojo Reader x Zhongli?

𝗛𝗔𝗥𝗠𝗟𝗘𝗦𝗦 𝗗𝗜𝗦𝗢𝗥𝗗𝗘𝗥

21 hours until Ep 2 of jjks2 comes out. At least for the site I’m using. (It’s most likely not that much time anymore since that was the time It had after I made it self post itself)

I’m doing so many requests late because I got them while they were closed so don’t mind it

WHEN he first met you the first thing that caught his eye was your height that somehow managed to rival his. It’s not everyday you meet someone who is around 6 feet, it’s quite scary. You were distant at first when you first met and he was quite compelled to compliment your eye color.

He met you while you were ordering 28 different sweets at a stall and since he wanted to buy some for a friend of his that he called traveler you shared some with him with a little wink calling it a first gift date. He was confused, but he didn’t pry when you stalked off with your bags of candies and Liyue delicacies.

You both met again at a restaurant by chance and immediately hit it off, he had forgotten his wallet again and you decided to pay but at a price. Zhongli had to go on a date with you after your next encounter. That’s where it started

You remind him a bit too much of childe that he asked if you both were related, surprised to find out you didn’t know who the hell that was. “Hah? Who names their kid childe?” Your reaction made him chuckle yet he dismissed it “forget it, how about that store over there?”

Sometimes he feels more like a babysitter to you than a boyfriend. Whining and manipulating him to get your way (with no harm intended) and then looking at him with those majestic eyes of yours fully convincing him into what you want. He learnt that you don’t have any good particular reaction to weak people who can’t use visions or “jujutsu” as you call it. Speaking of which, he had you explain to him what jujutsu sorcery was in your world. Explaining to him that you were the strongest and at least here you could try out your strength with actual Gods.

He wasn’t offended by your mixed up ideals at all. He knows better than anyone that those who see the light and darkness of both worlds would of course have messed up thoughts. Remember that time you showed him your domain and destroyed a LITERAL domain and the outside of it too? Yeah, then somehow you both ended up in the chasm? He doesn’t admit it but sometimes he has a leash for you.

Not exactly a leash but he ties a piece of string around your hand that isn’t so tight to cut off your circulation, it’s enough to keep your grounded and level headed sometimes. Other times he manage to break it and get lost. Ended up asking Hu Tao if it really would be ok to buy you a leash.

Whenever smiling it doesn’t quite reach your eyes yet they manage to light up the minute Zhongli comes into your vision. Not that he missed that habit of yours to tease people smaller than you.

Spoiler alert. You got along with childe and now he has two banks. How you got mora the minute you switched mora and 78million at that after?

Don’t worry about that.

Has he mentioned how many times a day he has to stop you and childe from sparring? This isn’t even about him yet he managed to bring himself in. Like, so many hilichurls were sacrificed for the sake of both of you. “First to get 100 camps wins and had it pay for dinner!”

“Your on comrade!” You both said with sadistic smiles. “Babe, set a timer we have 20 minutes love you and thanks handsome!” You said before teleporting the fuck off with a wink just like childe who already ran looking for a head start. Zhongli could only sigh and wonder how he got himself into this, yet he had been amused you were interacting with others. You were coming around and he loved for that you.

Now after finding out he was a Archon guess who had to spar with you for 48 hours without rest? Yes. The poor man in the flesh Morax. Either way he knows he might possibly loose you to time and immortality so he’ll enjoy it while it lasts.

#{-muxis writes #x reader #x y/n #headcanons #headcanon #oneshots #genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #jujutsu kaisen x Genshin impact #jjk x reader #genshin headcanons #genshin oneshots #genshin zhongli #zhongli x reader #gojo satoru #gojo headcanons #morax lapis #zhongli genshin impact #zhongli headcanons #zhongli oneshot #jjk headcanons #jjk oneshot #gojo reader

[munsonsreputation]

Soon You'll Get Better

Chapter Two: Best of a Bad Deal

↢ chapter one | series masterlist | chapter three ↣

summary: max begins her sophomore year of high school heading into it with optimism and the hope for things to turn back to normal. as she navigates through this new stage she can't help but feel undeserving of this happiness that seems so foreign after the guilt of billy's death. after she has a heated run in with a bully, steve sweeps in to take care of the situation, but it's clear that max has plenty of unsolved and pent up emotions about billy's death that must be put to rest.

word count: [20.5k] kinda proof-read

: ̗̀➛ pairings: big-brother!steve x max & big-sister!reader x max

: ̗̀➛ romantic pairing: steve harrington x fem-college-student!reader

: ̗̀➛ warnings: talks about mental and emotional health, billy's death, self deprecation, difficulty grieving over death, swearing, bullies, max collapsing (she's ok!), tons of tears (get ur tissues ready), steve being supportive, max and steve are a bunch of fluff balls.

With fall setting in and summer dwindling away in the rearview, everyone had seemed to enter a new stage in life. Starting a new school year, getting a little older, job promotions, finding themselves—everything.

For Max, she had started a few new moments in her own life. Recently turned sixteen a few weeks ago in early July and was about to be a sophomore in high school. She was also making an effort to try to get better, to take care of herself a little more and embrace the help that people were willing to give to her—especially Steve and his girlfriend.

“Say cheese!” You bubbled too enthusiastically at seven in the morning.

Max yawned, rubbing her eyes as you stifled your amusement behind the enormous camera and standing by until she flashed you a smile before taking the picture.

“Okay, c’mon, let’s get you to school before you’re late.” Steve snickered, pressing himself off his car as he ushered the young girl towards him.

She yawned once more, wandering into his arm that he slung over her shoulder, “What time did you go to bed last night?” He rose his brows, scanning her drained features as she shrugged.

“Around twelve, I couldn’t stop tossing and turning—just a little anxious.” She told him, getting into the backseat as he held the door open for her.

You looked behind at her, already settled in the passenger with the developing polaroid in your lap, “S’ok sweetheart, everyone gets a little nervous when they start something new.” You consoled her with your soothing voice as she smiled gingerly and buckled in.

“Do you have any classes with El?” Steve inquired, fingers shifting the car into drive as the ride continued under the early morning sky.

“Ummm, I think so,” 

She reached over, unzipping her backpack and finding the folded piece of paper that was at the bottom of the bag. Beginning to read off her schedule before she came across the one class she and her best friend shared.

“English with Mrs. O’Donnell.” Max spoke, folding back up her schedule and placing it into her bag.

“Wasn’t that Eddie’s English teacher?” You rose your brow, glancing towards Steve who chuckled and nodded.

His eyes met Max’s in the rearview where she laughed, knowing the story already, “Yeah, three years in a row.”

“Give him a break! I’m just glad he finally passed and graduated.” You said, undoubtedly proud of your friend for not failing for the fourth time.

“Well, I hope her class isn’t too hard.” Max said from the backseat, watching the window as they slowed by cars also heading in the same direction towards school.

Steve tutted, peeking back towards her, “It shouldn’t be and if you need any help, you can ask El or us too.”

Steve wasn’t necessarily the best student per se, but ever since the kids started going to him for help with projects and studying, he made the effort to use whatever he remembered from all his years of school to help them succeed.

She grinned sincerely and nodded, “Thanks,”

Max wasn’t bad at school. If anything, she was a straight-A student. Passed all her classes with flying colors. But it wasn’t the contents of the class that was difficult it was the people in the class.

Last school year was an absolute nightmare. She was known as the girl with a dead brother who sacrificed his life to save her and her friends. Everyone couldn’t stop talking about it—everyone whispered in the hallways and behind her in class and even if they thought she couldn’t hear them she knew already.

You would think that people would be more sympathetic to her situation. She wasn’t asking for pity from the student body, but just the respect to not talk about such a sensitive topic that they didn’t know the full story about. But instead, all she got were those murmurs of rumors and sick jokes about her dead brother.

Max was just hoping that this school year would be different. That finally she could move on from last year and have a fresh start that she deserved. She knew that getting better was going to take time, but it also wasn’t just up to her. But up to being treated right by others—to not allow herself to be walked all over and dragged around. She knew that Billy wouldn’t want her to take that lightly.

She took a deep breath as Steve turned into the school parking lot, getting in the line of all the other cars who were dropping off students before it finally came her turn. Unbuckling her belt, she leaned in towards the middle console, giving you and Steve a head tap.

“See you guys after school?” She sought, sliding her arms through her backpack loops.

You and Steve beamed back and her, nodding your heads, “I’ll be in class but I’ll meet you guys back at the apartment okay?”

“Sounds good and don’t forget to pick me up at 2:30, Steve!” She called out, opening the car door and stepping out.

He whistled, flashing her another smile with a thumbs up, “Have a good day bug,” He shouted out.

You and Steve waved goodbye, watching Max do the same before she pulled her headphones over her ears as she walked through the crowded parking lot.

Music seemed to be her calmness these days. It helped her focus on other things rather than just the thoughts running through her head.

She was able to focus on the beat, lyrics, trying to picture the scene in her head—like a movie, but just for her ears and imagination. She was just hoping that the soundtrack of Kate Bush would keep her at bay until the end of the day.

Thankfully, for the most part, the angelic voice of Kate Bush was great. It kept her busy just like she hoped, and even El asked to give it a listen during lunch. The only thing that Kate Bush couldn’t black out was the voice of her named being called in the middle of the class after Mrs. O’Donnell had picked up the phone and covered the speakers as motioned Max up to her desk.

“Miss. Lawrence wants to see you in her office and she’s in A13 down in the administration office.” She spoke.

Max nodded, waiting for further instruction while the rest of the students watched on. Mrs. O’Donnell hung up the phone, reaching over her desk and ripping off the bright orange slip where she scribbled down a quick hall pass in case Max would be mistaken for ditching class. 

After signing her name, she passed it to her, a small smile on her face, “She says you might be in her office until the rest of the class, so it’s best you take your things with you in case the bell rings. I’ll see you tomorrow, Maxine.”

Max returned the smile, half surprised that Mrs. O’Donnell wasn’t such an old hag that Eddie said she was, “Thank you…see you tomorrow.”

She walked back over to her desk, stuffing her books and binder into her backpack before turning to El who sat behind her and quietly murmuring, “I’ll meet you in the parking lot when the bell rings.”

Her best friend smiled, nodding her head as she reached for her hand, giving it a warm squeeze. “Okay! Good luck!”

Max was aware of Miss. Lawrence who was the sophomore counselor. Last school year, her counselor, Mrs. Bear, told her about Miss. Lawrence, saying that if she wasn’t in for the day that she could visit the sophomore counselor for whatever she needed. 

Max only visited once, just to get out of class after a particularly hard day.

“Max! Nice to see you! How was your summer?”

She gradually closed the door behind her, walking over to the chairs and taking a seat.

“Summer was fine. What about you?” She asked, resting her backpack on the free chair, looking over at the woman who had a cheery smile on her face.

“Great! I took my daughters to Indianapolis for a few weeks. Very fun, but not much to do once you’ve explored it all.”

She and Max shared a short laugh before she told her a little more about the trip and the interesting landmarks they were able to see. Then she reached for a file of papers, pulling a few of them out and sliding it towards the young girl. The papers being the emergency contact forms that were filled out last year.

Her mother’s name and contact information being the only one written down, and under it a scribbled out box where Billy’s name and homeroom number was once written. 

“I called you in here to see if you wanted to add anyone to your emergency contact list. If you only want to keep your mother’s information on file, that’d be fine, but I just wanted to reach out and see if you’d like to add anyone.”

If Billy were still alive, he’d already be graduated and she would have added the home phone number, but that wasn’t the case anymore. 

She thought about maybe adding Joyce, considering the fact that she was like a mother figure to her, but Max knew who she really wanted the school to contact if something were to ever happen.

Somebody who would drop everything to be there for her.

“Umm, would it be ok if I add Steve and his partner?” She leaned forward, plucking out a pen from the jar while she waited for Miss. Lawrence’s response.

A smile and curt, “mhm” prompted her to begin filling out your and Steve’s names along the dotted line along with your phone numbers. She practically had your numbers memorized, being able to press the buttons on the home phone without even looking because she called you two very often.

Sometimes to just check in see how things were going at home with college and Ollie. But also wondering if you two were free so that she could come over. She loved that you guys always picked up her phone calls, and on the rare occasions that you didn’t, she would leave voice messages, saying to call her back ASAP because she needed to get out of the trailer.

Her sudden fast moving pen abruptly came to halt when the ballpoint hovered over “relationship.”

You and Steve weren’t related to her by blood obviously, but at times she really did feel like you two were a part of her family. She really had no other family besides her mom, so she’d take you two willingly into her chosen one.

“Brother” she wrote into the relationship slot next to Steve’s name and “Sister-In-Law” she wrote next to yours.

Sliding the paper back to her counselor and capping her pen, she sat and waited, watching as Miss. Lawrence examined the paper before placing it back into the folder.

She looked up at her, crossing her hands over her desk and smiling, “Steve Harrington? He used to go here didn’t he?”

Max nodded with a tight smile on her face, “Yeah, we’re sorta close…or not sorta, really close. He’s like a brother figure to me and his partner is there for me lots, too.”

The young girl shrugged, hoping there would be no issue of putting you and him on her contact list. If she couldn’t then basically it’d just be her mother’s work number and home number, and since she was barely home, she’d just have to hope her mom wasn’t too busy at work to pickup the phone if it was an emergency.

“Well, that’s really nice of them and I also want you to know that I, myself are here for you no matter what alright?” She patted the tops of Max’s hands, reaching under her desk with the other to grab a card, sliding over the desk to her.

Max grabbed it, examining the contents. On the first line a phone number to her school office, and the other a personal telephone number in case of emergencies.

“In case you ever need to talk, just feel free to call, and if at any time during class you feel like you need to talk to someone you’re always welcome to my office, alright?”

“Thank you,” Max replied serenely, moving back over to her backpack and placing the card in the front pocket for easy access if she ever needed it.

Miss Lawrence looked at her watch, just a few minutes before the bell would ring and the first day of school would come to an end, “You’re welcome to leave now, but just don’t walk out of the front gates before security goes all bezerk.”

She laughed, giving the girl a warm smile, observing her sling the backpack over her shoulder before waving a goodbye and exiting her office.

There was a sense of relief walking out of there without bringing up Billy’s name because she really had thought this was going to be those miserable counselor meetings where she had to sit there watching the poor woman pour her heart out and not know what to say in response.

Talking about Billy and even bringing up his name was a bit triggering now. The only person who was allowed to bring it up was her and if someone else did, she thinks she would immediately see red because all she wanted to do now was to move on.

If that was even possible.

It still hurt to know that he wasn’t here, yet she accepted the fact that she couldn’t bring him back. But really, was this grief worth dying over? For a few months, she thought it was, but at the end of the day she knew Billy was better off dead than surviving that attack.

For crying out loud, he was impaled by a fucking Mindflayer.

There was no plausible or possible way for him to survive.

But even though a piece of her died when he left, she also knew that she could survive this grief.

It would just take time and a lot of realizing that she had to make the best of a bad deal.

As soon as the last bell of the day rung vehemently, she pushed through the big glass double doors and strode against the rough gravel, stopping beside the bike racks that were right next to the parking lot.

She pulled her headphones over her ears, not wanting to hear the commotion of everyone filing out of their classes, and instead watched the doors, waiting until she was able to see her best friend. It was only a couple minutes, and almost halfway through a song that she spotted El on the other side of the glass, but she wasn’t walking alone. 

There was Will, her brother.

El waved eagerly towards her, as if they didn’t see each other just a little while ago, but that’s something that Max always admired. That no matter how much time went by, El was always so thrilled to see her.

She waved back, placing her headphones around neck and pausing the tape as they got closer.

“Hey Max!” Will approached, opening his arms in a hug.

She smiled casually, opening hers, and hugging him, “Hey Will.”

Things weren’t necessarily uncomfortable between Will and Max, but they definitely grew a little distant after what had happened at Star Court. In hindsight, it also was a little funny because before the Upside Down crap came back haunting Hawkins—Max, El, and Will were like the little trio that summer.

They had begged you and Steve to drive them around town or supervise them at the pool, per their parents’ request. The three of them connected to the hip and having fun doing their own thing while the others did whatever they constituted as fun.

That was until after Star Court and the breakup that happened between Max and Lucas.

She always understood that Will was inevitably closer to Lucas than he was to her. They had grown up together their whole lives, and Max only entered the picture recently. And even if Will didn’t pick sides, because he didn’t—she knew that everything would be ok and if she had El that was all that mattered.

But still, it was nice to hug her friend again after this entire summer of being missing in action. When they pulled away, they moved a little closer into the parking lot, waiting on the curb as they watched the carpool line move.

“So what happened?” El nudged her delicately, gripping her binder to her chest while on the lookout of the cars entering the pickup section.

“Miss. Lawrence asked me about my emergency contact form and let me add two people.” She told them and they nodded.

“Do you think I could sit with you guys at lunch tomorrow?” Will asked kindly, looking between his little sister and Max.

Today, he had sat with Mike and Dustin at the usual DnD table and while he loved the comfort of his two best friends, he also missed Max and wanted to hang more. 

Plus, the DnD table just wasn’t the same without Eddie and the rest of the seniors who had graduated. Hellfire didn’t have a good reputation either, so not many freshmen or newcomers signed up.

Will knew that it was only a matter of time before Hellfire would no longer be a club at Hawkins and instead just better off being played in the confines of the Wheeler basement or Eddie’s trailer.

“Sure,” Max nodded her head, glancing over at him, “Did the guys do something?” she rose her brows and he shook his head wrapping fingers over his backpack straps and holding.

“No, well…kinda? They’re just being friendly to some of the freshman, but I’m not really good with new people, so it’s a little awkward, and plus, Lucas sits with the jocks now, so yeah.”

Will sounded a little disappointed, not at the fact that his childhood best friends were evolving, but more so at the fact that he felt like he was being left behind. 

Maybe that’s why the three always gravitated towards each other in a way.

El was, of course overlooked.

Max was misunderstood.

And Will was underappreciated.

“You can sit with us every day if you want!” El offered graciously, giving Will a wide smile and reaching over to squeeze his wrist assuringly.

Max did the same, expect in her own loving way. Poking him the in the side and grinning like a maniac because even if Will hated getting poked in his prime tickle spot, this was like a form of love in some weird way.

“Max! Wait up!”

The three of them whipped their heads back and found a jogging Lucas waving his hands up in the air as he made his way towards them.

“Should I tell him to go away?” Will requested under his breath, just a few seconds away from Lucas coming closer.

She bit her lip and shook her head. Telling him to go away was the last thing she wanted and quite frankly all she did this past summer was push him away. It was time that she faced the music and owe him an explanation.

Lucas was always so good and kind to her. Constantly asking if she was ok, even when he knew she wasn’t. Trying his best to get her to open up about her feelings. Leaving a pile of picked flowers on her doorstep even when she wouldn’t answer the door.

All of the things he did because he loved her and she pushed him away like nothing.

It was horrible what she did, but she knew it was for her own sake.

“H-hey!” Lucas coughed out stiffly, rubbing the back of his neck as he stared on at her, watching a little smile appear on her freckled face.

“Hi jock.” She pestered light heartedly, scrunching her nose at the patch on his letterman jacket that now was going to become a new staple in his closet.

She and Lucas always used to make fun of the jocks that they’d seen all over town back when they were in middle school. Acting like Hawkins’ Royalty just because they got to go to states only to come home without a trophy. It felt a little funny that even after those years of those conversations; he was in front of her wearing one of those jackets.

“But I’m a nice jock.” He clicked his tongue and pointed his finger at her, making her laugh.

Will discreetly reached for El’s wrist, gently tugging the two of them a few feet back to give Max and Lucas some much needed privacy. 

For the first time that they conversed after the breakup, they didn’t seem so tense or weirded out by each other. And to them, seeing their friends look somewhat happy in each other’s presence felt like a good step.

Max rolled her eyes sarcastically, moving her feet across the gravel. “I don’t know if being a nice jock is even possible.”

Lucas simply amused her, making a ‘X’ over his heart and mouthing the words, “I promise.” She knew he would always be a nice person. But a jock? She never thought that would happen. 

“So…umm, how have you been?” He stammered the question out, anxiously rubbing his hands together, hoping to hear some good news.

Max swallowed, and smiled, a real genuine smile, “Better,” she began, “A lot better, kinda…Steve and his girlfriend have been really there for me, so it’s nice.”

Lucas beamed at the response, finally glad and thoroughly convinced that Max was indeed doing better, maybe not 100% the same Max from before, but she was getting there little by little.

“How about you?”

Max gestured over at him, obviously wanting to hear about when he decided to change up the look and go for total jocky balls and laundry basket mode, as Eddie would call it.

She watched him dig into his jean pockets, pulling out a key and smiling wide.

“I got my license a few ago! And my dad let me get a new stereo system for crushing basketball tryouts—it’s cool! It comes with a tape player and everything, so maybe one day we can drive around and blast that Kate Bush tape.”

He pointed at her Walkman clipped to her jeans. The Kate Bush tape that he knew she loved, confined within the two pieces of plastic and could be seen through the little clear window in the front.

Her fingers trailed over the Walkman, resting there, as she looked up at Lucas with sorry eyes and a frown.

“I-I’m sorry for pushing you away for so long. I swear it’s not what I wanted to do…but it was what was best for me.” She admitted, pursing her lips and watching Lucas shake his head.

“No, I should be the sorry one because I kept pushing you to talk even though I knew you were still hurting deep down. A-and why you said that it wasn’t because of me, and you blamed yourself for me being stupid and pushy—”

Max swallowed, shaking her head, “uh, uh” cutting Lucas off, leading him to raise his brows and stop.

“I meant it when I said it was nothing to do with you, Lucas.” She said quietly enough to hear despite the chatter from the rest of the students passing by.

Max’s eyes looked from side to side, making sure no one was able to hear what she was about to say. And when she knew the coast was clear, she stepped forward, somewhat closing the space between them and hugging herself to find some comfort.

“What happened last summer fucked me up. Really bad,” she buzzed, feeling Lucas so close to her, “I’m still trying to heal from it and the last thing I want to do is rope you in with everything. So I mean it when I say it’s not you, it’s me.”

Her eyes darted up to his, seeing them filled with acceptance and a slight bit of hopelessness. She could read Lucas like the back of her hand, and she knew that it was still painful for him. 

After all, they were quite literally each other’s first love.

“I believe you.” He whispered back, his hand reaching for hers and clutching it tenderly.

She gave him a tight-lipped smile, stepping back and opening up the space between them. The space that she knew would one day once be filled again, but right now she had to put herself first, even if it was selfish. 

Even if a boy, straight out of her dreams, who did nothing but make her laugh and never tried to change her was waiting on the other side.

Your words and Steve’s echoing in her mind and reminding her that she was the priority. That this space between her and Lucas would never fully close unless she put herself first and got better.

Not because Lucas deserved it.

But because she did.

“Bug!”

The crunch of the tires on gravel, followed by Steve’s voice, made her look back. His face looking at her from the passenger window where he waved. Max and El were already starting to make their way into the backseat of his car, and she had to go.

She turned back around to Lucas, seeing him give Steve a wave and smile before redirecting his attention back to his favorite red-head.

“I’ll try to call sometime…and I look forward to that ride one day.” She told him, reaching out to pat his shoulder as she gave him a soft smile and turned on her heel.

But before she could go, he grabbed onto her palm, placing a piece of paper folder up between them before he squeeze and finally let her go. 

She looked puzzled at first, wondering what it could have been, but just seeing the words Lucas mouthed reassured her, “Read it and let me know.”

She swallowed, nodding her head understandingly and clutching her fist around the paper. Walking towards Steve’s car, she could already imagine the questions that he was about to ask by the slight crinkle of his forehead and curled lip.

“Save it,” Max groaned jokingly, holding her hand up to his face as she slumped into her seat and buckled her belt.

Steve shook his head, looking back at the other two kids in the backseat, pretending to look as clueless as possible. His eyes shifted back to Max, clicking his tongue, “Start talking missus.”

She turned her head away, peering out towards the passenger window, where her fingers carefully opened up the note. In messy blue ink, he wrote, “first game on Friday…hope to see you there!” signed off with his initials and two stick figures: him and her.

With a smile on her face, she tucked the paper into her pocket, turning towards Steve who was already staring right back at her with a grin, “I’m going to a game on Friday.”

When they got back to the apartment, Steve couldn’t help but eavesdrop while he got some food going in the microwave overhearing the conversation the other three were having in the living room only a few feet away.

“You guys are like totally obsessed with my non-existent dating life!” Max accused jokingly, spread out on the floor with Ollie laying on her rib cage.

Will and El had already gotten started with their homework fanned out across the coffee table, multitasking as they chatted with Max.

“We’re not obsessed, just mildly concerned.” Will told her, eyes never leaving his calculus worksheet that he was flying through.

The red head sat up, cuddling the dog to her, as she looked over at Will, “What do you mean concerned?”

He finally looked away from his homework, shooting her a knowing glance. “Lucas is going to think this means that you two are getting back together.”

“He’s right,” El murmured, setting her pencil down and laying her head over her arms, still concentrating her eyes on her best friend, “It doesn’t help that won’t shut up about you.” El added, watching Max inhale and shrug.

Unlike Max, El still hung out with the guys mostly because of Mike and as of recently her best friend was the topic of discussion. Lucas asking the boys for some girl advice, which was ludicrous because usually it was them asking him for advice.

Will and El would share uncomfortable and silent glances, knowing that Max wasn’t going to budge on her stance with the relationship. Nothing was going to make her magically change her mind and decide to get back together with him. This wasn’t like their previous petty breakdowns where Max would keep Lucas on his toes, but eventually take him back with a snap of her fingers.

This was something more, and they both knew that.

“Well…we’re not going to—I’m just not ready for it, don’t know when I will be, but that doesn’t mean I have to stop caring about him.” She told her friends, looking away subconsciously.

But Max knew that El and Will were a smart pair of siblings. They both probably already knew everything she was going through, but didn’t want to ask or bring it up because they knew it would make her uneasy.

“Which is why no one is forcing you to go to that game for Lucas’ sake,” Will responded, pressing a comforting hand on her knee, “You should go because you want to, not because you feel like you have to.”

“Who’s forcing who to do what?”

Steve came into the living room balancing a plate of hot pockets on one hand and three bottles of water in the other.

Max looked up at him, putting Ollie down on the floor as Steve placed the food on the coffee table and sat back on the couch.

“Nothing! No one is forcing me to do anything. They’re just concerned about the game on Friday.” Max said, shaking her head and picking up a hot pocket and taking a bite.

Steve observed, seeing Will and El passing him troubled glances, not wanting to be caught by Max who would totally tell them they were freaking out for no reason at all, when in fact they had all the reasons in the world to.

“Do you actually wanna go to the game?” Steve urged, sitting up slightly and watching her chew before answering with a dismissive bobble of her head.

“Yeah, I guess…it’s not like I have anything to do, anyways.” She told him, prompting Steve to let out a sigh, running his hands up and down his legs, wondering what was the right response to give her.

“Max, if you want to go, you should go. It’ll be a nice change of scenery for you, but you don’t just have to go because you feel like you owe Lucas something, alright? You make your own choices for yourself. Don’t let him or any of us pressure you into doing or going to something you don’t want to do.”

She knew where they were all coming from, considering the amount of protectiveness they all had for her, especially Steve. He knew the struggles she was facing that El and Will didn’t, so his words were hinting at that something more without explicitly saying it or being too obvious.

Max wasn’t only on the road to getting better mentally and emotionally, but also facing the grief of Billy. The thoughts of going back to the basketball court where she would obviously have memories of her late brother was something she wasn’t quite sure she was ready to face alone.

It wasn’t like she was scared or terrified, but more so just apprehensive to see what the outcome would be. Would she only be able to see the ghost of Billy out on the court, or would she freeze and run away when she saw Lucas there?

She wasn’t quite sure if it was Lucas or Billy’s ghost she was fending off, but she knew she wanted to do this—just not alone.

“Do you think you and her could come to the game?” Max proposed, looking at Steve who grinned tightly and nodded.

“Of course,” Steve replied, reaching forward to ruffle her hair as she playfully rolled her eyes and smacked his hand away.

She looked at her two other friends, watching with smiles as they ate their afternoon snack, clearly pleased with Max’s more confident answer this time around. She knew they knew that things were difficult for her—more difficult than it was a year ago. It was that sort of silent pact and understanding that they had between the three of them.

They knew, but they just wouldn’t speak of it for her sake. But what they would do was advocate for her best interest and remind her that she was in control of everything that was left up to her.

“Guys wanna come too?” Max suggested, wiggling her brows at the two who grinned. 

“But you have to swear we won’t have to do those stupid cheers that the crowd does to get pumped up!” Will pointed with a laugh as Max crossed her fingers over her heart.

“Promise!” she added with a giggle.

“If Lucas has trouble shooting, do you think I could use my powers to help?” El looked at Max with an innocent look of curiosity before the redhead turned to Steve.

“Can she?” Max smirked, and Steve looked at her with a grin.

“Y’know, it’d probably be really helpful, buutttt we should let the game play out without super powers, alright?”

He turned to El with a chortle, following as she moped somewhat, but went straight back to eating her hot pocket and doing her homework.

The front door knob wiggled, the lock turning while Ollie hopped excitedly, sprinting around in circles before you finally came through the doorway.

“I’m home!” You sparkled, toeing off your shoes and placing your stack of books on the little table at the entrance of your apartment.

Steve was up from his place on the couch in an instant, coming to greet you at the front door with a peck to the lips.

“Missed you,” Steve murmured, placing a kiss on your arm while he guided the strap of your backpack down and off your shoulders.

You smiled warmly, stepping up on your tiptoes to give him another kiss, “I missed you too.”

“Yeah, you know we’re here too!”

Steve sneered playfully, taking your bag to the bedroom while you stooped down to pick up Ollie in your arms before walking over to the teens at the table.

“Helloooo, Ellie…Willie….and Maxie.” You singsonged, pecking the tops of their heads as they grumbled at your corny nicknames before you rounded the coffee table and plopped down on the sofa.

“How was college?” El sought, scooting closer to your legs as she reached an arm up and petted Ollie behind the ears.

“Plenty of lecture notes to go through, but that’s boring! Tell me all about your first day! Any cute girls or guys? Mean teachers? New cliques?” Your eyes darting to the three who smiled and shrugged lightly.

“My classes are alright. Mostly full of kids from last school year, but my teachers are really nice! Mr. Krasinski said that if we all turn in our syllabus on time we get one pass to skip any pop quiz throughout the semester, we would just have to vote on it as a class.” Will explains

“When I was in high school all my teachers were lame, you guys are lucky!” You pestered.

You tilted your head towards the girls, squinting your eyes, “Soooo, is Mrs. O’Donnell really an old miserable hag?”

Max and El shook their heads, cackling loudly at your comment that you definitely got from Eddie Munson himself.

“She’s actually kinda nice! Maybe Eddie really just gave her a hard time.” Max spoke, dusting off her fingers and reaching for her water bottle to take a sip.

Just then Steve had exited your bedroom, heading towards the kitchen to grab yourself a snack which was usually string cheese and a bag of lays.

“Did you tell her about Lucas?” Steve called out while ripping open the new pack of string cheese he had bought for you a few days ago.

He snickered when he heard your dramatic gasp, startling Ollie who hopped out of your arms and ran over to him.

“Oh, here it goes now…” Max groaned, shaking her head with no malice as you dropped onto the floor beside her with a bemused grin on your face holding her by the shoulders.

“Tell. Me. Everything!” You shook her gingerly, catching Steve in the distance who was coming closer with your favorite snacks.

Perfect timing.

You let go of her shoulders, hands instantly grabbing the food Steve was offering to you, before you settled your back against his legs where he sat down on the couch and ran his fingers through your locks smoothly.

“Well, he came up to me after school and asked me how I was doing.” Max started getting relaxed next to you as you nodded and listened, peeling strings of the cheese as you ate.

“Then I apologized for pushing away this whole summer and he took it surprisingly well actually, then he invited me to his basketball game on Friday.”

You turned your head strongly, looking at her with widened eyes. 

“He’s a jock now? Since when?”

Max snorted somewhat in an agreeing manner, “I guess he took up basketball over the summer and tried out. He’s on junior varsity and plays point guard.”

You took in that information, chewing slowly, trying to decipher which questions you wanted to ask because really you had so many, but you settled on the most important one for the moment.

“Do you want to go?”

A smile began to tug at Max’s lips, making you raise your brows as you watched her throw her arms out wide, “Yep! And you and Steve are coming with!”

You pretended to whimper, sending your head back on Steve’s knees where you stared at him upside down, “Why!? You know I can’t stand watching laundry baskets and balls!”

He tsked, bopping your nose, “I’m going to ban you and Eddie from hanging out. I was on the basketball team you know!”

You sighed, throwing your head right side up and looked at Max, trying to hold back a smile.

“You’re lucky, I love you.” with that you wrapped your arms around her, embracing her in a hug that silently told her that you were in fact looking forward to it and would go anywhere she asked if it made her feel comfortable.

To be honest, you were probably the most nervous for Max’s first day of school even if it didn’t look like it because you didn’t want her to see through your worry. Kids her age knew of the Billy incident, and you also knew that they were ruthless.

Your heart couldn’t handle knowing that today could’ve been a horrible one for her, where she felt ostracized by her classmates and you and Steve weren’t there to scoop her up and tell all those other bullies to fuck off.

And the funny part is, you and Steve shouldn’t even be this concerned in the first place, but you knew deep down that the both of you would always be this worried for her and her wellbeing. 

Max had been through a lot, and you were grateful that she found a safe space with you and Steve because you knew she needed it more than anything. The both of you would do anything for her in a heartbeat because you both cared for her that much.

Honestly, you could’ve cried seeing how happy she looked sitting in your living room with her two friends while they did homework together. And for the first time in a long time, you could see that this wasn’t just one of those half exteriors that she would put on to convince her friends that she was ok.

This was Max finally starting to let her guard down and begin to heal.

The old Max would never really make a return—that Max was the one who died when she watched her brother go. But this also wasn’t the old Max who wanted to retreat from social interactions with people she actually enjoyed being around.

This was Max coming into her own again and you were glad that you got to see it happening in the flesh.

The happiness wasn’t something that was just passing for Maxine, for once it felt steady even in a time where she wasn’t quite sure how sure she was of its presence.

Having Will and El sitting with her at lunch gave her a sense of security, knowing that there were two people she could go to at any given time. It was an even bigger plus having El with her during the last period of the day because they could walk to class together and even talk during free time.

She gushed over the phone when she’d call to tell you about her day at school when she wasn’t spending time at your apartment. Even telling Steve about her obnoxious classmates during the car ride home or begging him to drive slower, so she’d just be a tad bit late before the first bell.

It seemed as though that sophomore year wasn’t as scary as she had thought it out to be. It was less lonely, even if it was only two of her friends keeping her company. There were fewer eyes staring at her and murmuring in the hallways from last school year, and it felt like everyone had moved on—which was great, because she wanted to as well.

Today was one of those days where Max didn’t get dropped off by Steve nor was going to be picked up by him. El and Will suggested that they head to a diner after school to grab an actual appetizing late lunch while they did homework. Joyce was in charge of the early morning drop off and Hopper would do the picking up and dropping Max back to the trailer.

Max liked the new routine: dropping in at your place on certain days of the week and also spending her time with her friends just being regular high schoolers trying to get through the next two years. 

There was a sense of normalcy about it that she found freeing. A part of her knowing that she didn’t have to stay locked up in her trailer, wasting the days away, and instead it felt good to go out and have a distraction to help her get through whatever she was feeling.

But she also loved the fact that if at any moment things got too heavy for her or if she just needed a break, you and Steve’s door was always going to be open.

It was a rarity for your college classes to get cancelled, but when they were, it was almost like a cheat day. Spending your time at home, getting to lounge around and watch movies or better yet catch up on your naps that you’d been missing out on thanks to studying and work.

This time, though, you’d gotten to do just that before Steve had called out of work early to spend the rest of his afternoon with you, bringing home a new tape and some candy bars for an extra touch of love.

“I could totally do that.” Steve grumbled, tossing more popcorn into his mouth while the screen displayed Patrick Swayze lifting Jennifer Grey up into the air.

“Hmm sure,” you dragged out, rolling your eyes lovingly as you bit into your second chocolate bar of the afternoon.

A knock sounded on the front door, prompting Ollie to hop down, sniffing and running around in circles at the guest.

“Did you forget to pick Max up?” You paused the movie, looking over at Steve.

He glanced down at his watch, shaking his head, “She said she was getting a ride from Hop to head to the diner with El and Will. It can’t be her.”

“Thats weird,” you thought out loud, shaking it off and heading to the door, leaning down to pet Ollie as you unlocked it.

“Hello?” You started as you opened it, coming face to face with Lucas, 

“Lucas! What are you doing here? Did you need a ride or something?”

He shook his head, a smile on his face as Ollie ran to his feet and began jumping excitedly, “Hey Ollie,”

“I got my license a few weeks ago, Dustin didn’t tell you?” He laughed, petting your puppy’s head as Steve came to your side.

“Did they make you parallel park?” Steve asked, smiling at the scene.

I nailed it pretty quickly…do you think I could come in for a bit?”

You nodded, opening the door wider as he stepped in with Ollie in his arms and took a seat on the couch.

“How can we be of service?” You plopped yourself on the opposite couch while Steve sat beside him.

He took a deep breath, looking between the both of you as his hands continued petting Ollie who now laid comfortable across his lap.

“It’s umm, about Max…”

You sat up and so did Steve, who straightened his posture and nodded his head like the protective older brother he was to her. 

“What about her?”

“I invited her to my game tomorrow.” Lucas started, the two of you nodding, already knowing this information because she told you guys over dinner a few days ago, “She said she’d come and she actually seems a bit happier now, which has me thinking…”

Steve rose his brows arms crossed over his chest, “About what?”

“To win her back! I just need help trying to come up with a plan. I talked to Dustin and Mike about it, but all their ideas suck. And I even went to El and Will, but they said they can’t help me. So I was thinking you guys could help?”

His voice was hopeful, but the looks that you were giving him weren’t necessarily mirrored with the same smile he had. If anything, you and Steve were quiet, not quite sure on what to say or where to look, so instead you looked at each other, eyes fighting silently over who was going to tell him you two couldn’t help.

Truth be told, after the kids had left your apartment on Monday afternoon, Steve had spilled his guts about the conversation that the three had about Lucas and his invite to the game. He knew it wasn’t his place to throw himself into some teenage issues, but Max was like a little sister to him, and just as El and Will had said, there was a point to be mildly concerned.

Max stood her ground about not getting back together with Lucas. Yes, she wanted to go to the basketball game to show her support towards him, but that did not mean they were getting back together—none at all.

Those were boundaries that Max was setting, and you both knew that you couldn’t sit here and look at this kid and give him the false hope that somehow he could pull off a miracle to win her back.

Eventually the staring contest came to an end, and Steve won.

You sighed, getting up from your seat and sitting beside Lucas, “I’m sorry bud, but I don’t think we’ll be able to help with that,” you said wistfully, a soothing hand resting on his shoulders where they slumped.

“W-why?” He asked disappointedly as you grimaced, squeezing his shoulder trying to get him to relax.

“Because Max isn’t a girl who can be won back, Lucas,” You started, turning your body towards him as you explained, “Look, I know you care about her a lot and there no doubt in my mind that she cares about you the same way, but she just needs this time alone.”

You said it slowly, watching as the young boy’s face settled even sadder, if that was possible. His hands stopped petting Ollie and instead rested smoothly on his thighs. His mouth moving yet the words stuck in his throat as he tried to understand.

“I—I just don’t understand, we’ve been broken up for months. The longest we’ve ever been broken up—”

Steve cut in, patting him on the back. “Trust us, we know.”

Lucas shook his head turning his attnetion back to you, “Isn’t that enough time alone? I just don’t get it.”

You smiled tightly, lifting your shoulders and letting them fall as you grabbed his hands and squeezed, “Because maybe it’s not for you to understand, but it’s something you need to accept Lucas. She needs her space to take care of herself. Don’t you think she’s been through a lot in the last two years?”

Lucas swallowed thickly, nodding his head before hanging it low, “So you’ve gotta let her do this. She comes first no matter what. With that being said, you’ve gotta focus on yourself and the stuff that makes you happy.” You told him sternly, patting his hands before going to grab a glass of water that it looked like he needed.

The young boy was quiet, sulking with disappointment and sadness, knowing that this was completely out of his hands and like you had told him, he had to accept it. It was just painful to know the only girl he ever wanted just couldn’t be with him right now.

Steve knew how Lucas felt. He too was a sophomore chasing after a girl who couldn’t be with him, but under different circumstances because sophomore year Steve was an asshole, but Lucas—not a bad bone in that kid.

“Dude, c’mon, don’t let this get you down.” Steve shook him by the shoulders, attempting to get a smile, but all he got was a frown that didn’t look like it could be flipped upside down easily.

“I just miss her…a lot.” He blurted out, making Steve click his tongue and nod sympathetically.

He knew that Max and Lucas spent less and less time together. And while Max wasn’t fond of talking about boys and romance in front of him, he knew that she missed Lucas as well. How she’d bring him up in random conversations when something reminded her of him. Little things here and there let him know that Max missed Lucas. But many things also outweighed the fact that a relationship would not be good for her right now.

You and Steve were two of the only people to really know what was going on with her and what she was going through with everything inside and at home. So while Steve hated to play favorites and lie—he knew it wasn’t his place nor yours to tell Lucas what was really going on with Max.

That one day, they could have a conversation around it with themselves and work it out like adults.

“I know you do, but you were her friend before you were her boyfriend,” Steve explained, nudging him with his elbow, garnering the young boy’s attention, “Be there for her as a friend. Listen to her. Talk to her. But for the love of god, do not dare push her, because I’ll find out and you know that if I hear that you made her upset—”

Your eyes widened, quickly strolling back into the living room with an ice cold glass of water that you passed to Lucas who stared at Steve nervously before you came back in.

“He’ll have a civil conversation with you!” You finished for him, turning your head towards Steve’s, widening your eyes to tell him to cut it out.

Steve shrugged his shoulders, Lucas paying no mind to you two as he downed the drink, “Yeah, that’s where I was getting at…thanks babe.”

“No biggy, Stevie.” You smirked to yourself, picking up Ollie and cuddling him into your chest as Lucas and Steve watched on.

“Thanks guys, I really needed to hear that. I’m actually pretty glad I came to you two before I followed through with what Mike and Dustin said.” Lucas laughed to himself, shaking his head, making you and Steve curious.

“What was their plan?” Steve rose his brows, sitting back on the couch as you nodded your head wanting to know too.

“Serenade her with some Kate Bush…Dustin said Suzy took him back when he sang Never-Ending Story.” He shook his head laughing, covering his face as he remembered the looks that he and Mike shot the curly headed teen who seemed so serious about it.

You snorted, knowing that while Dustin was an intelligent kid, that dude was just not the go to for relationship advice.

“Well, thank god you didn’t because you would have ruined Kate Bush for her!” You bantered, patting him on the shoulder as he pouted up at you.

“Hey c’mon! I have pipes!”

Steve chuckled, swinging his arm over his shoulder, “You’ve got pipes, but not Kate Bush pipes.”

“You’re right.” Lucas pointed, a smile on both of their faces, before he stood up, dusting off his jeans.

“I gotta run back to school and pick up Erica from band practice,” He told you, pulling out his car keys from his pocket, “But my first game of the season is this Friday—Do you guys think you can make it?”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” You assured, giving him a tight hug that he welcomed before turning towards Steve and shaking his hand.

“We’ll see you then…and make sure you work on your three-pointers, remember, to turn your feet and size up the basket before you release…”

You sighed, shooting Lucas an apologetic look that he waved off as he continued listening to Steve’s advice, taking it, knowing that it would probably come in handy for this week’s game. As Steve finished off what looked to be a demonstration of a three pointer that had you and Lucas on the verge of cracking up, you planted a hand on the center of his back, leading him towards the door.

“Okay, Steve, I think he gets it, and I don’t think Erica would be happy waiting around for her dear brother to pick her up.” You sing-songed, opening the door for Lucas so he could get a way out from hearing more of Steve’s coaching.

“Go before he keeps rambaling!” You screeched, pushing him out the door where he shouted out a “bye steve!” before jogging down the apartment steps and hopping into his car.

You waved bye to him as he drove off, before Steve’s arms wrapped around your body, him slotting himself behind you and nuzzling his face into your neck as you giggled and shut the door.

“Work on being less confrontational when it comes to Max,” you chided softly, poking his cheek as he pouted dropping his arms around you, yet keeping his chin on your shoulder.

“I was not.” He moped, making you snort, unimpressed by his demeanor.

“Babe, you totally were! When I left to get him water, I came back to you nearly seething and Lucas looking scared out of his mind!”

He grinned lazily, eyebrows raised as he stared at you from the weird angle, “Really?! So it worked, huh?”

You tiled your head, “What worked?”

“Intimidation. You know I was never a big fan of it, but Lucas had to know that I won’t tolerate him trying to force Max to get back together.” He finished, removing his head from your shoulder and going towards the kitchen.

You trailed behind him, a smile on your face as he got water, gulping it down as you leaned back on the counter and stared, “I’m sure Max would appreciate it, but I’m also sure Lucas would never do such a thing.”

He placed the cup down, leaning back on the counters opposite of you, “Oh I know…I just had to remind him.”

You closed your eyes, huffing out another laugh, “You’re impossible.”

Steve knew that he was probably protective of all the kids, but he just felt more protective of Max. He knew things weren’t easy for her, even before the death of Billy, but things just got progressively worse after he passed. 

Max would no longer call him and bug him to take her to the movies, and a little piece of him missed the redhead and her quip remarks. If he had known sooner what she was going through, he would’ve stepped in and at least tried to prevent it from getting this bad.

And even though he could never go back into the past, he just hoped that now Max knew that you and he would be there for her in a heartbeat. That you two would do anything you possibly could to see her happy because it’s what she deserved after everything she had been through.

“And it’s in!” Max cheered on with her friends, watching as Hawkins continued to lead the game.

Steve never thought that he’d be back inside the very gymnasium where Billy essentially threw him on his ass, but alas here he was sitting on the bleachers cheering on Lucas while his girl and the teens conversed through most of the game.

Max wasn’t as tense as she thought that she would be, and while this definitely wasn’t her usual scene, she felt composed. She wasn’t sure if it was having her friends here with her or maybe it was just some internal nervousness that she made up in her head that she forgot about, but it was nice.

For this being the first game of the season, the gym wasn’t as crowded, so it didn’t feel too suffocating. She could see Erica and the rest of Lucas’ family sitting closer towards the court, his mother and father often bolting out of their seat when their son made a basket.

It made her smile despite her distaste towards jocks and the whole idea of the sport as a whole. Remembering what Lucas said about being a “nice jock,” she knew deep down that he really was a good guy. Maybe with his addition on the team, there could be some sort of revolution to the Hawkins’ rule book where all jocks didn’t actually have to be complete assholes and instead compassionate meat heads who threw balls into a basket for fun.

Eddie’s insult was totally rubbing off on her, too.

Steve noticed Max’s spurt of silence, catching her staring off onto the court without following the ball with her eyes. He nudged her slightly with his elbow to capture her attention, but not obvious enough for you and the others to catch.

Her eyes flickered to his, jutting her chin up, “Yeah?”

“You okay?” Steve asked, studying her features to see if she was hinting that she wanted to leave early or was getting tired.

She nodded with a smile. “I’m good, was just thinking of stuff.”

“Wanna enlighten me?” He quipped, as she shrugged and turned her eyes back to the court, watching as the opposing team had begun to catch up.

“Do you ever miss being in high school?” She asked.

He tapped his foot against the stands, thinking before answering, “Not really. High school wasn’t the best time for me and I had a bad reputation I was living up to. I’d only ever go back so I could make things right and maybe meet her a little sooner.”

She watched Steve look over at you, smiling wide at your absentmindedness too busy paying actual attention to the game while biting down nervously on your thumb. She could tell that Steve was madly in love with you, and she even wished that Steve had met you earlier too, because you changed him in a way.

You made Steve “the king” Harrington less jocky and more focused on him and his future. Plus, you made him soft in the heart which was a plus because the kids totally used it to their advantage.

“By making things right…do you mean with Billy?”

Maxine wasn’t stupid. She had already known about Steve and her brother going at each other’s throats even before Lucas and Dustin had invited her out to search for Dart, which is when she met him.

Back at home, she could hear Billy talking to himself while he lifted weights in his room. Something about him wanting to beat the shit out of Steve Harrington and take his place at Hawkins High.

And maybe Billy was a bit insecure when it came to Steve because she knew that Steve was who he wanted to be. For all she knew at the time, Steve was wealthy, lived in a big house, and had all the ladies frothing at the mouth for him.

Obsessive…totally, but she knew he couldn’t help it, especially with the upbringing that he had.

She thought that she was going to hate Steve, because while Billy and Max barely agreed on certain things—they both hated pretentious people, which is exactly how Billy had described Steve.

But she couldn’t hate him. 

Not when he stepped in front of a real life monster to save her life in a very cramped school bus in the middle of nowhere. Plus, throwing himself outside of said school bus to attract the monsters and kill them by himself to put the kids out of harm’s way.

Maybe Steve Harrington was soft all along.

“Uhh, yeah, partly... yeah," Steve stuttered, not really know the right way to go about this conversation.

The last time Max had brought up Billy’s name was when she had that mini panic attack back at home after the doctor’s appointment. That had been nearly a month ago, and since then she hadn’t spoken about him and you and Steve were more than fine with that—neither of you bringing him up, either.

Billy was a touchy subject for a multitude of reasons.

The first was that he was killed in the line of fire protecting Max and her best friend from death, all while uttering an apology as he took his last breath and she could only watch.

The second is that while Billy did apologize, there were things that he did that were unforgivable in her eyes that would never leave her memory.

His death didn’t excuse any of the abuse that she or other faced.

They all knew this.

Billy was verbally abusive and at the time resorted to physical violence. He would have beaten Steve to death if it weren’t for Max stepping up and injecting him with a tranquilizer. It wasn’t a secret that he’d get physical with Max too—gripping her wrists too tight or straight up, slapping her across the face when she disobeyed him.

But Billy wasn’t always like this and even Max who didn’t know the past version of him, saw that this monster was created—by his father, of course.

She was conflicted a lot of the times, not knowing if it was really right for her to still feel that twinge of anger towards him for the stuff he had put her and her friends through. Or if it was something that she was supposed to magically let go now that he was dead.

She didn’t know if she would ever know how to go about that.

Max tore her eyes away from the court, looking over at him with a grimace to her face, “…I’m sorry for the way he treated you and whatnot.”

He didn’t know where this was coming from, obviously a place of guilt, but why now? And why would she ever think she would have to apologize for something she had no part in?

“Hey, it’s not your fault…you don’t have to worry about that stuff anymore.”

It was long gone for Steve, in all honesty. He had gone through way more traumatic stuff than getting his ass handed to him on the court by Hargrove and nearly dying by a few punches. But he could tell that for Max, it still bothered her. This was like a wound that was still opened, not yet fully healed, even when it wasn’t on her to begin with.

“I know, but still—”

“But nothing, alright? What he did isn’t a reflection of you…you gotta remember that.” His tone was soft yet firm, watching as she nodded and gulped thickly.

His hand came down to her shoulder, resting it there as he looked at her, “Give yourself more credit, Max, you’re nothing like him. What he did isn’t your fault and what happened to him isn’t either. Some things….you just gotta let it take its course.”

All along, that’s what Max was trying to find a semblance of control.

By spending summer locked away in her own thoughts and feelings, she was able to be in complete and utter control. Her brain was wired like a television that replayed and imagined anything she wanted on command.

She could go back to the past and ponder it. Switch channels and jump to the future where she thought up something happier for herself. Go back to the original channel she was on and realize that there was no such thing as a happier future right now.

Stay there, sitting in silence, hearing the static between her screams and breathing. Close her eyes and turn it off, knowing it’d be there for her to turn back on whenever she wanted.

It didn’t occur to her at all that maybe she wasn’t the only one affected by Billy’s death.

Eleven had literally been kidnapped and almost met with her death because of him.

Lucas had to face his horrible words of hatred and assault just because he wanted to be friends with her.

Steve had spent weeks getting verbally and physically tormented by him, and on top of that suffered a fractured nose after the nasty brawl.

Was it selfish for her to assume that she was the only one hurting and grieving even after what everybody else went through?

All along, was it supposed to be her coming out of all of this as the lucky one because she finally escaped her toxic brother?

Was his death supposed to be a silver lining?

But was it her responsibility to make it up to everyone he hurt?

Was everything that went down this summer all just self-absorbed of her?

Why couldn’t she just let it play out like Steve said?

Why now, when she was feeling just a bit better about herself and the future, did she have to feel like she didn’t deserve this?

Why?

“Oh my god! C’mon Lucas!”

Neither her nor Steve had been paying attention to the game.

Max too caught up in her head, thoughts billowing like a whirlpool, going round-and-round with the same emotions, not know if she’d get sucked into the darkness again, or keep swimming until she survived.

Steve was caught up in watching her, reading her features that screamed confusion in a million different ways. Almost like watching her haze out and suddenly lose her own presence sitting in front of him.

It wasn’t until the crowd roared and you shouted out that she had come through. Snapping her eyes open and shut, shaking her shoulders before nodding aimlessly at him and darting her eyes to the court.

Lucas had scurried towards the basket, jumping high as he tossed the ball up before the buzzer sounded.

Hawkins took it home.

“Woooo!”

There was a strain in her cheer that only she or Steve could catch, because only they knew the conversation they had seconds ago. With still so much left unsaid, he hoped what he said stuck with her. That maybe it was just her taking in his words and realizing that the past was past, not something he was still stuck on even after Billy’s death.

“That was awesome! He did really well….so well that I didn’t have to use my powers!” El cupped her hands around Max’s ear, concealing the last bit of her sentence that made Max break out in a smile.

There was an ease to her now. Steve could let it go, just until he knew that she was really fine and didn’t need any more reassurance—but even if she needed it, he’d always be there to fall back on.

“C’mon, let’s go congratulate him,” Steve told everyone, gesturing his hand out to lead them out of the narrow stands and down the stairs first before he followed closely behind.

His hand, holding yours as you walked in front of him and smiled, seeing Lucas’ family embrace him in a hug, even Erica who looked just as pleased at her brother’s buzzer beater.

Max stood timidly, waiting before his parents let go of their hug before Lucas had noticed her standing there.

“You came!” Lucas smiled broadly, opening his arms wondering if it was okay to hug her.

She smiled, nodding as she opens hers and wrapped her arms around his frame, “Didn’t want to miss it. First nice jock in Hawkins history to beat the buzzer is totally one of the history books.”

His chest bubbled against her cheek as he laughed before pulling away, “Thanks for coming, it means a lot.”

“You did great dude, Mike and Dustin are going to be so mad they missed out on this.”

El and Will immediately clung to either of his sides, giving him a hug as he thanked them for coming, knowing that sports wasn’t really their thing.

“Great hustle on that last shot, man. You did great!” Steve cheered, giving him a firm handshake before embracing him in a hug.

“We’re so proud of you, Lucas! I’m gonna need to get you a pin that says, “Hawkins MVP,” then you can add it to your lettermen!”

You were the cheeriest out of the bunch, which was surprising considering that you didn’t like sports very much, yet there you were totally immersed by the game and now most certainly going home to make that custom pin for Lucas despite his protests.

Steve was sure that if he had really gotten serious about his own basketball career and got signed into the big league, you’d be one of those hard core basketball wives.

You were totally into tossing balls into laundry baskets now.

“Invite me to the next game, alright?” Max said cooly, watching Lucas’ face light up as he nodded.

“Of course! And thanks for coming again guys, it’s nice to have my friends here!”

They shared a smile, giving him a wave as they exited the gym and let him have a moment to reel it all in with his family and teammates. And like Steve said, it was a nice change of scenery, not only for Max but for everybody who was so used to not going to school functions like this.

Now they actually had a reason to show up, Steve just wished that next time everyone would be in attendance because Lucas deserved to see everyone who cared about him in the stands—win or lose.

“You guys hungry? Wanna stop by McDonald’s before you head home?” You asked from the passenger seat as the kids hummed “no” in the backseat of Steve’s car.

Steve glanced up to the rearview mirror, getting a glimpse at their tired features. “You sure? There’s one coming up and I could go to the drive-thru?”

Will caught his eyes in the mirror, giving him a reassuring shake of his head before looking at his sister.

“Mom said she was cooking risotto and roasted potatoes tonight so we’re going to have the leftovers.” He told you both.

Steve flickered his eyes from the road, back up to the mirror to see Max staring mindlessly out the window. 

“Bug? No McDonalds?”

She shook her head, answering without catching his glance, “No, I’m ok. My mom left a note on the fridge this morning and said she’d be home for dinner. She probably cooked something for the two of us.”

A warm smile tugged at your lips as you twiddled your fingers in your lap, Turing your head over your shoulder “That’s nice! She probably misses having dinner with you!”

Max didn’t tell you or Steve much about her mom. Often times it consisted of, “she’s busy,” “she’s working,” “she’s tired,” “she’s fine,” or “she said it was ok.”

And Max didn’t really like conversations about her mom to begin with. There was really nothing to discuss other than the fact that she was always working and almost never home. She had grown accustomed to it, accepting that work came first, yet you were still here to suggest she stay over at yours so that she wouldn’t eat dinner alone.

In a lot of ways, you filled the shoes of her mother, but more so in an older sister aspect. She could tell you things about her life without seriously getting in trouble because she never did bad things to begin with. It was just that she didn’t have that close knit relationship with her mom to even discuss little things in life.

It was just that simple.

“It’s fine…she told me she took off this weekend so we’re gonna spend some time together, hopefully decluttering because she’s been avoiding getting rid of a lot of stuff.”

You could all tell that Max wasn’t looking forward to it, but you hoped that her mind would change after spending the weekend to bond with her. Her mother wasn’t the best of all time, nor was she perfect—there were definitely aspects that you and Steve didn’t agree on when it came to the parenting she showed Max, but then again it was a tricky subject to go about because neither of you were Max’s legal guardians.

And on top of that, neither you nor Steve were in her mother’s shoes—facing the loss of a son and having her partner up and leave her. She was the one forced to pick up the pieces and try to do her very best to provide for Max and put a roof over her head.

And maybe she got too caught up in the work and money to realize that what Max needed the most was the support around her. Just to have someone to talk to and confide in so that she could understand that what she was feeling was okay, but needed to get the help to get better.

But it wasn’t too late for her mom to make it up to her, and there was a silent hoping that maybe finally, she and her mom could go back to their old mother-daughter relationship. The one where she could tell her anything and seek her advice when she really needed it.

Steve tapped his fingers against the steering wheel, turning on his blinkers as he made a turn into the trailer park, “Well, I’m sure the two of you guys have a lot of catching up to do…we’ll get back to our regular schedule on Monday alright?”

Max undid her belt, humming out contently. “Yeah, plus, it’ll give me time to really miss you guys, especially Steve’s snoring.”

She let out a laugh as you giggled, shifting in your seat to watch her hug her friends before leaning up to wrap her arms around your shoulders, “Call anytime you want, alright? I’ll make sure to give Ollie plenty of cuddles and kisses while you’re gone.”

She grumbled against you, totally forgetting the cute furball that she was always attached to the hip to when she was at your place, “And give him all the treats in the world! I’m going to smother him with cuddles on Monday!”

“Will do, sweetheart…have fun okay?” You pulled away, tucking a peice of her stray hair behind her ear as you smiled warmly, “I love you!”

“I love you too. See you Monday.”

You closed your eyes lovingly, feel her kiss your cheek before she got out of the car and Steve followed, walking her up to the front door where they would always talk for a bit before they said goodbye.

It was routine and part of you knew that they both needed it.

“Is Max okay?” El asked, watching Max nod her head as Steve spoke to her sincerely.

You shrugged your shoulders lightly, knowing it’d be best to not tell them even if you did know or not, “I think she’s okay,” You reached back, clutching the girls hand warmly, “Steve and Max…they have a special bond together, they’re very similar in a lot of ways.”

“Really?” Will asked, to which you nodded with a tight smile.

“Yeah, I think Steve sees a lot of himself in Max and he wants to protect her from going through things that he went through as well.”

It didn’t take a genius to know that while Steve didn’t play favorites with the kids—Max had always been number one for multiple reasons that the kids didn’t really seem to mind with, anyway.

Looking at Max was like looking at a younger female version of himself. The one who used to be happy without a care in the world, then suddenly pushed into the knowingness that life wasn’t at all what it was when the rose-colored lenses were off.

When Steve was her age, he didn’t have present parents to lean on when it came to his troubles and instead it led him to going down a horrible path. One that was filled with chasing after romantic relationships, hoping it would solve his issues instead of confronting the problems in front of him.

The course of his teenage years revolved around destructive relationships and low self-esteem, despite the rumors of the might king Steve would wasn’t shaken by anything.

He knew Max was smart though, but the slightest probable chance she had of actually following down his pathway wasn’t something he was going to risk and let her do. So yeah, maybe Steve Harrington did play favorites, but with good intentions.

He’d throw himself in front of Max no matter what was ahead if it meant shielding her from all the bad because he wished he had parents or even an older sibling who would do the same for him.

If Billy were still alive, Steve wouldn’t hesitate taking another near death experience at the hands of fists if it meant keeping Max untouched.

Max was always going to have someone to depend on as long as Steve was around.

“Try to enjoy the weekend, alright? And go into with a positive mindset, I know it isn’t easy with what you have going on with your mom…but just try, ok?”

She sighed defeatedly, hoping that Steve would tell her that she could pop in whenever she wanted if the weekend wasn’t going well. But Steve also had a point—going into it with built up resentment and anger wouldn’t do her or her mom any good. If there was any chance at their relationships being repaired, she had to try to go into this a little more optimistic than she was feeling.

Max shook her head to herself, giving Steve a tight hug before she murmured into his chest, “I know, I will…just don’t eat all the bagel bites while I’m gone. You know those are my favorites.”

He chuckled, resting his chin on the top of her head when he hugged her close and nodded, “I won’t. I’ll actually save them all for you so you can spill the beans on Monday over some very delicious bagel bites.”

“Can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m actually looking forward to a Monday.” She laughed, pulling away from him.

“You’ll survive two days. Drop off on Monday morning?” He asked.

She shook her head, looking at her mom’s car, parked in the grass, “Mom is gonna drop me off, but can you pick me up?”

“I’ll be there.” He grinned, patting her arm, “Night bug, love you.”

“G’night Steve, love you too.”

They shared another quick smile; her waving to the car where you three were watching, and shot her a big smile and wave.

She took a deep breath, preparing herself as she turned open the front door, “I’m home, mom!”

Monday came by soon enough, and to Max’s surprise the weekend wasn’t half bad. She and her mom had spent the two days going over boxes and storage bins of things that they hadn’t been able to go through since they moved out of the house on Cherry Lane.

Most of the items were Billy’s. A collection of baseball cards, magazines, knick-knacks from childhood, and clothes. They both knew they had been throwing it all off to go through those things, mostly because their move to the trailer park was sudden.

After Billy’s dad learned of his son’s death, he didn’t hesitate calling off the engagement with her mom and packing only his things and leaving. The only thing they knew was that he was going to sell the house, and they needed somewhere to go quickly.

Forest Hills Trailer Park it was.

They made do with what they had and tried to make the best out of the situation. Trying to make the trailer a home as much as they could, even if it really would never be that way. All of Billy’s belongings had been shoved into one of the storage closets, and there was a silent agreement that neither of them would go through it until they were both ready.

So while a few tears and laughs were shared between mother and daughter, Sunday was the day where they finally said goodbye to most of his things. Max picked a few t-shirts, a binder of baseball cards, and even Billy's signature leather jacket to keep, and the rest of it would be going to the nearest Goodwill where it would find a new home.

Honestly, it was a little overwhelming, all of the boxes reeking of cigarettes and Billy’s smell even after these two years. She was happy that Monday rolled around because it meant getting out of the trailer and not suffocating in the lingering scent of her brother, feeling like he was there, but he wasn’t.

Meanwhile, Mondays were always slow ones at Family Video, especially with the kids back in school. The only customers they’d get were parents returning their kids’ late tapes and middle-aged people coming in to rent the same movies they’d always get.

“You promise you’re going to let me have next week Thursday off?!” Robin nagged from the counter, watching Steve stock the shelves with recently returned tapes.

He folded his hand over his chest, his face dropping annoyingly, “For the millionth time Robs, yes…you’re going to have next week Thursday off.”

This week, however, was a more exciting one for Steve Harrington because he was moving up at Family Video. From store associate to now manager, seeing as though Keith was finally leaving, and he was going to take his spot.

Initially Robin was supposed to get the position, but declined knowing that it was going to be too much work for her to be in charge of creating schedules and dealing with annoying customers who complained about not knowing how to work a VHS in this day and age. 

She would much rather stock shelves and appoint all those customers to Steve while she got to giggle and listen in from the back of the store.

“Just making sure! You know how important Vicky is to me, and I don’t want to screw up our anniversary.”

Despite Robin’s insistent nagging over the past few weeks about her very important off day, Steve understood because he remembered his first anniversary with you. More so, the fact that Robin was completely head over heels for this girl and it made him happy seeing his best friend finally get a chance at romantic love after all these years of pining.

He knew it was only a matter of time before things got really serious with her and Vicky, which would probably lead to the point where Steve was in life. Getting ready to move in with you in your apartment and finally get to call it home.

You were the one who had actually asked him to move in, months ago, but he had declined, seeing as though he didn’t quite make enough to help you out with all of the bills and rent that came with living in the apartment. And even though you assured him that you could cover it yourself, he was stern in the fact that he wanted to make enough first so that both of you could give it your all not have to worry so much about money.

So it was safe to say that Steve was ecstatic to get the position of manager and up his salary just enough to cover half of the rent and the utility bills that now the both of you would half on.

“You’re gonna get Thursday off, but I’m gonna need you to close on Friday because Max needs a ride to the skate shop to change the barrings on her board.” He told her, folding up the cardboard box and throwing it off to the side.

She snorted, resting her hands on her knees as she watched Steve walk up to her. “How is she, by the way?”

Robin never explicitly asked Steve about Max’s wellbeing, because it was none of her business. She understood her place as simply someone who was concerned on the sidelines and only hoped that the young girl was doing okay. By the looks of it, Max trusted Steve out of all of the others, and she could understand why.

Because, like you, Robin knew that Steve and Max were very similar.

They’d bottle up their emotions, let it boil over until it was too late.

Resort to self deprecation and act out on emotion.

They were basically long lost twins.

“She’s doing a lot better. Now that school started its keeping her busy, plus she wants to take up skateboarding again, which will be a good hobby for her to have.” He grinned as she smiled back.

“That’s good. Just don’t try to hop on that board because the last time you did, you almost ruined that pretty face of yours.” She smirked, bopping his nose with her fingertip as she spun around and hopped off the counter and towards the computers to check on late returns.

“That was one time!” Steve argued, holding up his finger as she snickered and continued scrolling through the names of people she would have to call later on in the day.

He couldn’t help but shake his head, knowing he definitely wasn’t a great skateboarder, and his job was actually better off cheering Max on and encouraging her as she practiced dips and tricks on her board.

The phone to the store suddenly rang, catching the two’s attention. Robin who was closer to it, didn’t hesitate to pick it up before the second chime had a change to ring.

“Family Video.” She answer plainly, pushing her shoulder up to stabilize the phone against her cheek while she continued to scroll.

Steve rested his elbow on the counter, watching to see if it was another prank call or irritant customer on the other line.

“Can I speak to Steven Harrington? It’s about his sister, Maxine Mayfield…she’s in the principal’s office.”

Her eyes went wide, snapping her head towards Steve and covering the receiver as she whispered sharply, “It’s about Max.”

Second period came along in the school day, just lunch and two more periods to go before she’d finally get to kick back with her favorite pup Ollie and snack on some bagel bites—something she had been craving all weekend.

Mr. Watson’s chemistry class was actually for upperclassmen, but since last school year Max had showed excelling grades and understanding in biology, she was able to move up to a more rigorous science class this year.

The upperclassmen weren’t that intimidating. If anything, they were just taller and older—but other than that, they and Max were all equal. Mr. Watson was one of those take it easy teachers who basically lectured for the first fifteen minutes of class, then allowed the rest of the time for students to independently work on the assignments before class ended.

It was the most enjoyable class in terms of workload since the worksheets were fairly easy, and it was just was a lot of listening and making sure to read the textbook for the answer. That wasn’t hard at all for her because with Kate Bush blaring through her headphones, focusing was pretty simple.

Today, however, there was a shift. She could hear the whispers coming from the table behind her, a group of boys who were juniors and even one sporting a letterman jacket: a jock. But she didn’t pay it any mind, assuming they were just helping each other on today’s assignment.

“Psst…Maxine,”

Nevermind.

She ignored them, scribbling her pencil a little firmer, enough for the lead to chalk up against the paper as she wrote vigorously.

“Maxineeeee, I know you can hear us! That shit you’re listening to can’t sound as good as us.”

God they were disgusting.

“Just ignore them and keep working, they’ll stop once you show them you’re not giving in” is what Max was saying to herself in her mind.

“Maxine—”

“What the hell do you guys want?”

She couldn’t take it anymore. Yanking her headphones off and slamming the pencil on to the desk, catching the attention of everyone in the classroom. She stood out of her seat, facing the group of childish boys sitting behind her.

The groups boys, cackling to themselves like maniacs while Max glared sharply, moving her head side to side as a way to get them to tell her what they so badly needed to say.

The one with the lettermen leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest, “Feisty. You must get that from Billy, right? Or did he give it to you when he burned alive in that fire?”

Her whole world stopped.

She could hear her own heartbeat and blood rushing to her ears despite the boy’s undying laughter. It was sick and twisted. Those words that were spat out as a joke, which clearly wasn’t taken as one by her. At any moment, she felt like she could throw herself at him, punching away at his face and showing him how really tough she was.

But that wasn’t Max.

“Miss. Mayfield….Miss. Mayfield….Miss….”

Her breathing started to quicken as she could hear Mr. Watson calling out her name from the front of the class. Eyes clouding over with salt, the shouting of her name and the laughter got louder. Looking around the room, it seemed the faces of her classmates resembled ones that mocked her, laughing in her face and pointing at her like a mockery.

That was all she remembered.

Steve was glad that the high school was so close to Family Video, but even then it seemed like time wasn’t on his side. Red lights stalled him. Slow walkers were abnormally slower than usual. Cars wouldn’t yield to him.

Each passing second feeling like an eternity to get to her. 

All he could remember when Robin had passed him the phone was being told, Max collapsed. She hit her head. And she’s in the principal’s office.Those three statements echoing in his head as he jerked his car into the nearest parking spot and sprinted towards the front office. 

The office ladies probably thinking he was a madman, disregarding their pleas for him to sign in on the clip board, but all he could focus on was reaching the principals office. 

Max’s back faced him. Her hair pulled up into a makeshift ponytail with one hand clutching an ice back to the back of her head and the other clenched with a tissue in it.

Steve hurried over, dropping to his knees beside her chair, his face covered with concern and worry while the questions urgently left his mouth.

“Max…are you okay? What hurts? Do we need to go to the hospital?” He was peering at her head, trying to see if there was any trace of blood or a cut.

Thankfully, there were no visible injuries. 

When she turned to face to him, tear streaks stained her cheeks, and her eyes were swollen from the crying she had doing for god knows how long now. Her quivering jaw struggled to form cohered sentences admits her sobs.

The only thing he could make out was, “I—I can’t.”

She couldn’t bring herself to tell him what happened, at least not right now in the presence of the boy who caused this pain. Not to mention how humiliating it was for her to listen to his parents and himself down play the situation so much so that she started to feel bad about herself even when she shouldn’t. 

Steve noticed through her cries, her eyes briefly shifting away from him, directing a glance towards the parents of the boys who was seated on the opposite side of the room. He sat smugly in a char while his parents stood protectively by his side, their faces wearing entitlement as they didn’t carry any remorse for the crying girl. 

That’s when he knew something was up.

Shuffling back to his feet, yet maintaining a close proximity to max, he looked towards the principal. “What the hell is going on?”

Steve was all business. Hands on hips, stern look on face, firm voice calling out to the principal who stood from behind his desk and gestured his hands in the air towards Max then the other boy.

“It seems as though Max and Chad got into a scuffle during chemistry.” He explained, but that wasn’t enough for Steve.

“A scuffle?” Steve repeated, his voice strained with disbelief, prompting the principal to nod in confirmation. 

Steve glared unconvincingly pointing a finger at Max while holding his gaze, “You’re telling me that a sixteen-year-old girl got into a scuffle with a boy, yet she’s the only one with injuries?”

The boy, Chad, had cut in, “Oh, I didn’t do that to her…she did that to herself.”

Just hearing that whiny, teenage boy voice ticked him off, not even trying to hide the irritated sigh that left his mouth as he turned towards him. 

“Really? So she just decided to collapse for no reason and then blame you?”

The man in a suit, presumably the boy’s father, stepped forward in a demanding demeanor, “Watch how you speak to my son…who even are you?”

“Her brother.”

“My brother.”

Steve and Max both answered simultaneously, surprising even themselves by not even hesitating the relationship they had to one another. Though both of them didn’t act surprised, at least not on the outside, as Steve maintained his hard gaze and Max diverted her eyes to her lap. 

“Brother? Didn’t he die—”

The front door to the office squeaked open, but still Steve caught the boy’s remark, prompting a whimper from Max whose shoulders heaved slightly as another set of strained sobs left her. It was evident to Steve that now he knew what this was all about. 

“Max, I’ve got you a fresh ice pack and a bottle of water.”

Miss. Lawrence had stumbled in unwittingly at the wrong moment, right before Steve was about to go all in, but he knew this was the only opportunity to get Max out of the situation before she heard anything he was going to say. 

“You are?” He asked calmly, turning his attention to the woman who approached Max. 

She looked up through her glasses, cracking open a water bottle and passing it to Max. Extending her hand for a shake, she introduced herself with a weary smile, “Miss. Lawrence, Max’s counsellor.”

Steve nodded, jaw clenching as he shook her hand and jutted his chin to the door she just had come through, 

“Could you do me a favor and get my sister out of here? I just need some time alone with the principal and Chad’s family.”

She stared at him for a moment, contemplating if it was the right decision considering that Steve was seething, on the verge of letting out all his anger towards the situation. Knowing that he was an upset and concerned guardian who was not going to back down, she nodded placing a gentle hand on Max’s shoulder, helping her up from the seat. 

As Max got up, she reached for Steve’s wrist, wrapping her trembling fingers around it, and looking up at him through her tear-soaked lashes. 

“T—They’re not going to do anything, Steve….it’s no use—“ 

Max had already looked defeated, like she accepted the fact that nothing was going to change the mind of the principal on where he stood regarding this situation. But Steve wasn’t going to let that happen—he was going to fight for her the way someone should have fought for him. 

He shook his head, brushing some of her hair out of her face before speaking gently, “Go, Max. I’ve got this.”

She sniffled, closing her eyes tightly as she nodded, and followed her counselor out of the office and into the nearby waiting room, away from what was going to be an undoubtedly heated confrontation. 

Once the door clicked closed, Steve didn’t hesitate on advancing towards the desk, speaking sharply with each step he took, “What are you going to do?”

The principal raise an eyebrow, pretending to be perplexed as if Steve was not addressing him in full. But unfazed, Steve repeated himself, emphasizing his seriousness with his palms slapping down onto the wood. 

“What are you going to do to make sure my sister doesn’t have to deal with him again?” 

Annoyingly, the boy’s mother crept closer, mockingly slamming her palm beside his, glaring at Steve as she spoke, “Sir, just cut to the chase and tell this man what you told us, that his sister started it. Plain and simple.” 

Steve was silently thanking all the gods that you weren’t here beside him right now because if you were, this lady would have received an instant face-to-desk introduction. Unlike Steve, you were the one with a quick tongue ready to lash out on any and everybody when it came to protecting someone you loved—he knew if you were here, it would be no different. 

Where Steve’s eyes had drifted, towards the desk where he imagined you’d slam that mother’s face, he couldn’t miss the bright yellow papers that were familiar to him back from his high school days. The form was mandatory for students to fill out when any student came to the principal office for incidents like these. 

“Let me see the reports.” Steve demand, pointing at it in plain sight before the principal would try to hide them away or make excuse for not having them. 

Picking them up, he passed them to Steve who read them intently. Chad’s report consisted of two whole sentences regarding the situation, shifting all the blame onto Max, blaming, “She got angry at a joke then fell and hit her head.” 

Meanwhile, every line of Max’s form were filled, even in the margins, meticulously detailed the entire incident from start to finish, with remnants of her tear drops staining the paper. It included her attempts to ignore Chad and the group of boys who had been relentlessly antagonizing her.

The only thing that Max did was finally snap, asking what they wanted before having a cruel insult about Billy thrown at her, and that’s all she could remember before she woke up on the ground with her teacher and the students surrounding her. 

It made him physically sick and it took every ounce of his composure not to grab the boy by his collar and start beating the shit out of him for what he and the rest of the boys did. 

He swallowed thickly, lips pressed tight, sliding the papers over the desk, “You told them that Max started this?”

Silence filled the tiny office and it was enough to speak volumes to him that this person in authority was protecting a boy who was capable of something so harrowing. 

Steve pointed to the forms again, his voice sharp as he spoke, “What I’m understanding is, you didn’t read Max’s report…or if you did, you didn’t believe her, and you didn’t even call in any witnesses to confirm that my sister is lying.” 

He squinted pointedly, looking Chad then back to the principal, “Yet you read his sad excuse of two sentences and you believed that?”

Silence again, and all Steve wanted to do was to shout…to scream at someone to fucking explain how this could happen and how no one was batting an eye to how insanely unfair and unethical this entire situation was. 

Finally after a few uncomfortable seconds, the boy’s father cleared his throat, attempting to break off the tension with a laugh, even going as far to pat Steve’s shoulder which he slapped away. 

“My son was obvious joking, not the best joke, but let’s not make a big deal outta this—”

Steve snapped, thrusting an aggressive finger in the mans face, “Damn right I’m making this a big deal! My sister isn’t going to tolerate this crap from anyone, you hear me?”

“Mr. Harrington, your language, please.” The principal interjected. 

Steve scoffed, rolling his eyes as he turned back to the now talkative excuse of a principal, “You didn’t give a shit when that boy made that comment to Max. Why should I care about mine? Actually…”

Steve couldn’t hold back any longer, locking eyes with both of the parents and glaring, “why don’t you worry about your sons language? It’s clear he doesn’t have any empathy, but I guess you both taught him that, right?” 

No one dared to speak, no matter how insulted the parents were because it was the truth. If they did speak it would only put them deeper within the crossfire of Steve’s relentless insults that straddled the line between honesty and harsh realities. 

“And you,” He pointed at the boy, stalking up close to him, seeing as though he was wearing a varsity jacket, “You’re on the basketball team right?”

Chad gulped, nodding hesitantly, “Y-yeah.”

Steve made dismissive noise, clicking his tongue, “So you know that being on the team means you can’t rack more than three referrals because then you’ll get kick, right?”

Steve still remembers the rules from his high school experience, and though it had been some time, these were the type of rules that never changed. 

“Y-yeah.”

Kissing his teeth in frustration, he walked back over to the desk, jabbing his fingers on the wood. 

“I know for a goddamn fact that my sister’s file is clean! Not one single referral in her life,” turning to the boys parents he creased his forehead, “you can check if you want.” 

His mother looked away dismissively because deep down she probably knew that her son was a monster who would hurt girls like Max. The father scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest in defensive because he probably knew too, that Max wouldn’t lie about their sorry excuse of a son. 

“I want you to open up his file and tell me how many referrals he has. And you and I both know that this number isn’t a shock so think twice about lying to me because I know the police chief wouldn’t mind investigating this and really making it a big deal.” 

Steve was not fucking around one bit, not even bothering to look at the principal to make sure he wasn’t lying about the number. He kept his eyes on the parents, whose eyes peeks at the principal opening up the file drawer and instantly finding their son’s files. Chad who still sat in the chair, wasn’t looking so smug now, shifting around uncomfortably because he knew what was coming.

“Six,” the principal admitted, closing the folder and taking a deep breath knowing that Steve wasn’t going to let this off. 

Steve nodded, tightly smiling as the parent’s face fell, probably trying to act surprised when it really should be a look of embarrassment and shame. 

“So what this means is that Chad over here, is going to get kicked off the team, he and the rest of the boys going to get removed from all the classes that they have with my sister, and I want them suspended.”

This wasn’t a negotiable for him and was not going to leave this office until things would start to happen, “You better get writing because I’ll get the superintendent—the whole fucking department of education down here if I find out you let him and the rest of the boys off. You got that?” 

The principal gulped, reaching already for a pen to start writing the suspension notes before Steve could double down on his promising threats. 

Steve mostly nodded his head to himself, content with knowing that the boys would pay for what they did to Max and they definitely weren’t going to do it again if they wanted a repeat of today. 

“Don’t mess with me.” Steve muttered, forcefully bumping into Chad’s father’s shoulder as he brushed past him towards the exit. 

“…and don’t you dare talk, let alone look at her ever again. Clear?” His voice carrying threats, glancing at Chad who swallowed thickly. 

“Crystal.”

Walking out of there, Steve couldn’t feel any sense of victory even if he had gotten the situation handled in a way that he saw fit. He just couldn’t feel good about himself when Max was crying in the arms of her counsler, furthering shattering any sense of triumph he would have felt. 

“Hey, it’s okay…I’m right here, Max.” He whispered as he approached her. 

Hearing his voting she untangled herself from the embrace, seeking solace in Steve by aligning to him and burying her tear stained face into his shoulder. 

“Shhh, it’s okay. They’re dealt with. It’s handled ok?” He took on the softest tone he had yet, being as gentle and soothing as possible letting the anger he had felt dissipate knowing that he had to be here for Max. 

He placed a comforting hand on the back of her head as she cried, his fingers lightly searching for a bump on her head from when she collapsed, but thankfully like in the office, he didn’t see nor feel any injury. 

Miss. Lawrence rose from her seat, giving Max’s shoulder a warm touch and offering Steve a sympathetic look a she explained herself, “I was the one you spoke to over the phone. I couldn’t reach her mom or your wife, but I’m glad that you were able to come down.” 

His wife? 

You and him weren’t married and it seemed so weird that she had brought it up like that, but right now wasn’t the time to question how the school even got his number or yours to begin with. What he needed to do was get Max out of here for the rest of the day because keeping her here would only make things worse. 

“Y-yeah, no problem…I’m gonna pull Max out for the rest of the day.” Steve replied, still holding Max tightly while he sobs slowly subsided to uneven sniffles. 

The woman nodded, gesturing towards the front desk, “I can get that sorted out for you guys. It’ll be an excused absence, so she doesn’t need to worry about the missing assignments.”

Steve smiled tight lipped, squeezing Max by the shoulders and pulling her away from him slightly, “C’mon bug, let’s go.”

Max took a minute, covering her face with her hands as she tried to wipe away the tears as much as she could and get herself together. He guided her up to stand, picking up her backpack and slinging a gentle arm over her shoulder, keeping her close to him. 

“Bye Max, feel better and don’t forget you can come see me whenever you come back.” Miss. Lawrence called out softly as Max nodded, trying to flash her the sincerest smile despite her sad features.

With class still in session, the halls were empty giving her a twinge of relief knowing that no one would see her walking out of school this distraught. She could spot Steve’s car a mile away, messily and crookedly parked in the stall that strictly was reserved for staff, but he obviously didn’t care for the signpost. 

Steve unlocked the car, walking the two of them to the passenger side where he let her get in, even opening the glove compartment to give her some napkins to soak her tears. 

He sat in the drivers seat, watching her intently as she dabbed the tissues beneath her eyes, capturing the still forming tears in her orbs. She was really still so shaken up from the situation and he couldn’t blame her because if he was in her shoes, he’d feel the exact same. 

“You’re not gonna have to deal with them anymore okay? I promise.” Steve assured her, his voice genuine and sincere. 

“I know.” She croaked, voice strained but still filled with trust knowing that Steve had meant every word he said. 

Max couldn’t fathom how he managed to handle the situaiton without getting physical, but right now she didn’t want to ask. All she cared about was that the did it for her and that she wouldn’t need to worry much longer.   

She looked over at him, seeing his face still tense and washed over with worry. She didn’t even notice the green vest that Steve was still wearing, realizing that he had come from work to be here for her. 

“Y-you can drop me off home, if you have to go back to work.” She told him, buckling in and still trying to regain her composure after all the crying.

Steve shook his head, following her lead, “Robin said she could cover for me the rest of the day. I could drop you off if you want, or we can go get lunch, or maybe go to the skate shop now. Wherever you want.”

Her throat tightened, her eyes meeting his, “Can we go to Billy’s grave?”

“Sure.” Steve replied without a moments hesitation, evidently understanding that she wanted to go there for a reason. 

The last time that Steve had been to the cemetery was for Billy’s funeral. It was an intimate occasion, only a select few people had been invited, meaning basically Max’s entire friend group and her mom. Billy’s dad couldn’t bring himself to come that day. 

He was unsure if Max had come to visit Billy on her own time, but seeing as though it was quite a ways from the trailer park, and she hadn’t ever ask for a ride here before, he assumed that this was both of their first times being back here since last summer. 

Of all the places, he just wondered why here and why now? But he knew he had to understand where she was coming from because despite all the options he had laid out on the table, she had dismissed them and made it her choice to be here.

Steve trailed behind, watching as Max approached the grave stone, her fingers tracing the etched letters of his name. She sat down before it, her gazed fixed upon the headstone unclear if she wanted to say everything outlaid or keep it buried. 

“Are you okay?” Steve took a seat beside her, his brows furrowing trying to comprehend how she was feeling in the moment. 

She shrugged with a mix of frustration and sadness, “It just would make sense that this w-would happen…every time I start to feel happy, everything just comes crashing down—a-and it all leads back to Billy.”

Sure Steve wasn’t the brightest when it came to emotions but he wanted to see the bigger picture and understand, “You mean what happened today?”

“Yeah!” She exclaimed weakly, looking up at the sky, “It’s like, ever since school started, I’ve actually been feeling a lot happier you know?” She looked at him, tears welling again. 

“I finally started hanging out with my friends again. I made up with Lucas. My mom actually called out of work for the first time in forever. All of these good things start happening, b—but I can’t help feeling like I don’t deserve it.”

The world was a cruel place, and Hawkins was an exceptionally cruel town, one that was literally cursed in the most horrific way possible. Max lived in the constant state of what felt like haunting where every corner she turned to there was a fear of the past coming back, seeking to take her under. 

In today’s case, it was the guilt of feeling like she wasn’t destined for any type of happiness after what she had been through and what Billy had put the others around her through. Maybe Billy dying was the curse haunting her because she felt responsible for every bad thing he had ever done and there was no way for her to shake that feeling off.

What if Chad had been bullied by Billy long ago and maybe this was him getting back after the torment? 

She should’ve just sucked it up and not be so affected by his words. 

Now she was gong to need to take all the shots that were supposed to be fired at Billy for the rest of her life. She was going to be the punching bag for all of the hurt that he caused. Maybe this was her destiny—to just take all the pain that Billy caused and fix it. 

Her thoughts were screaming at her and it was like she could hear Billy in the distance shouting loudly. Fury and anguish sparked within her, her fists clenching tightly as they barreled into the grass beneath her with forceful strikes. 

“I should hate you! I should hate you because you made me like this…you made me feel this way. L—like I owe everybody, but I don’t know how…”

Her fists impaled the stiff earth while the desperation and longing to hurt the remnants of her brother six feet under heightened. She wanted to hurt him like he had hurt her—to make him feel her pain for once. 

“Hey, stop that…c’mon Max, don’t do that.” Steve pleaded, urgently reaching out to grab her hands, coaxing her to cease the self destructive assault that would only cause her further harm. 

She sobbed bitterly, body trembling as she wrangled around, trying to get her fists out of her hold so she could keep going. 

“Why—how can you guys even look at me knowing that I’m related to this monster? Shouldn’t you guys just let me be miserable? I deserve it after everything he put you guys through.”

There was a firmness to his hold on her, shaking her hands gently.

“You’re not thinking straight.” He said sternly, getting her to finally look up at him. “You don’t deserve any of this because of what Billy did. You’re not Billy.”

She shook her head with a trembling whisper, “N—no, I was a horrible sister to him. I could’ve changed him. I-I could’ve made him better, but instead…I just let him—”

“You were a child, Max, and you still are,” His voice was loud, but not in an angry tone, just one full of unwavering conviction letting her know this was true, “You aren’t responsible for who he turned out to be and what he did. You can’t beat yourself up over that. He’s gone. He won’t be able to hurt you anymore…or any of us.

Max struggled to accept it, still consumed by tears and sorrow.

“Listen to me, Max,” Steve urged, letting his hands loosen from her wrist, yet not letting go, “you were the best sister you could be for him. You did the best you could. When he was dying, what did you do?” He asked, watching her cry.

He knew she wouldn’t be able to say, but he knew the answer.

His finger tips finally let up on her, going to touch the gravestone, showing her that this was not her fault.

“You asked him to stay alive. You told him that you loved him. You did everything that you could. His death wasn’t your fault and it never will be.” 

She needed to hear it to truly believe it. 

Steve grasped her shoulders, making her look at him through the cloudiness behind her eyes.

“You might not feel like you were the best sister to him, and I can’t change your mind about that, but I can tell you right here, right now, that you’re the best little sister I’ll ever have. In my eyes, you're the best sister there is. I’m not Billy. B—but it means something, yeah?”

Max cried harder, tugging on Steve’s heartstrings, finally breaking his strong exterior as tears escaped his own eyes. He couldn’t help but hold her face, fingers trembling while he brushed the tears away and felt her sobs against his skin. 

“Whatever Billy did in the past is his burden to bare, not yours. He made his bed and now he’s lying in it…but you, you don’t have to lie in his, you don’t have to protect him. You need to take care of yourself and realize that people really do care about you. I care. I will do whatever it takes until you realize that, Max, because I love you.”

That was it. Now she believed it. 

She flung her arms around his neck, clinging to him tightly, sobbing into his neck, muffled yet still able to hear,  “You’re the best brother I’ll ever have.”

Holding each other and crying in front of Billy’s grave wasn’t how either of them had expected to spend their Monday afternoon, but alas, making the best out of a bad deal was better than just sulking all day. 

Steve would have held her there all day if it meant that she would finally grasp the truth—that she wasn’t obligated to carrying the weight of someone else’s mistakes on her shoulder. Max was too young and good for they should to should that kind of pain and responsibly. He wished he could shield her from this feeling and those alike, giving her the childhood that she deserved, but he knew that wasn’t reality.

In the real world, bad things happen to even the purest of people, and Max had been apart of that unfortunate bunch. Reality meant sitting here and talking her though it. Helping her realize that thee burdensome emotions were valid considering her situation but she wasn’t going to go through it alone. 

It was time that Max had laid it all out to rest. To leave it here with Billy where it belonged. 

Opening the front door to your apartment, you didn’t expect the scene before you at all. 

Max laid sprawled out on the couch, her body slipped and drained. Ollie, her ever loyal companion, nestled beside her, with the both of them tucked under her favorite blanket that you owned. Steve was sitting in the arm chair with a cup of coffee in his mug when he flickered his gaze from the muted television to you in the doorway. 

His voice was hushed as he approached you,“Hey,” through the dimmed living room, you could only see the concern etched across his face when he settled right in front of you. 

You raised a brow, flickering a concerned gaze towards Max and keeping a quiet voice, “What happened?” 

Steve sighed heavily, taking your hand and walking the two of you into the kitchen for more privacy not wanting to wake Max who really needed to sleep after a long day. Your mind was racing with questions and the worry in Steve’s eyes when he settled against the counters let you knew that something had gone wrong. 

“She had a tough day at school. An incident with some bullies. The school called me and I went over there and got it all worked out.” Steve explained, his voice heavy and broken. 

Shock coursed through your veins, instinctively reaching for his hands to clasp together tightly, “Bullies? What the hell did they do to her?” 

Steve grip remained soft, rubbing his thumbs against your skin, “They said some not so kind things, but she wants to tell your herself and it’s important it comes from here because it’s a lot.” 

You wanted to cry right then and there. From the look on Steve’s face alone you could tell he had been crying and it was only going to make your heart shatter even more when Max woke up and you saw her. Your heart ached at the thought of Max having to go through this after how far she had come already. 

Steve could tell you were on the verge of tears, leaning his face forward to brush his lips against yours in a tender kiss, silently reassuring you that things were going to be okay. 

“It’s gonna be okay, she’ll tell you.” 

Time seemed to stretch as you waited for Max to wake up, every passing minute feeling like an eternity. You attempted to distract yourself with studying, but your mind was consumed by worry, entangled in a web of worst-case scenarios. You knew that patience was the only way forward, that Max's voice deserved to be heard, no matter how agonizing the wait.

But it wasn’t long after three in the afternoon that Max finally fluttered her eyes open, stretching her arms out wide as she began to wake up. Her eyes felt swollen but that was a given, yet she could see you sitting on the floor beside her, mustering a gentle smile. 

“Hey, bug…” You greeted, brushing a strain of hair from her face, “feeling better?” 

Max nodded, leaning closer into you touch knowing that it was only seconds before she would be crying in your arms. The heartache was palpable and the weight of the unspoken conversation lingered in the air, but you spoke out, giving her the reassurance. 

“You can tell me whenever you’re ready to talk, okay?” 

She took a deep breath finally sitting up and catching the encouraging nod that Steve gave to her. In this moment she knew she had to come clean because you weren’t going to judge her. Like Steve, you were going to be there and comfort her when she needed you the most. 

She had to lay it to rest. 

“I’m ready to talk.”

a/n: did i make you cry???? IM SORRY IF I DID! whew! well im back with chapter two of this series and im so sorry it has taken me this long, but i hope you enjoyed this part! i wanted to depict the guilt that max must face when it come to billy death, but also for his past actions and the steps shes taking to move on. let me know what you think!! also, aren't steve and max literally the softest chosen family siblings out there?? ugh, steve would be the best big brother to her--i hope she survives in s5!!

 let me know what you think: reblogs, tags, comments, and likes are greatly appreciated!!!

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[justkending]

Finding Memories. Chapter 1.

Summary: Waking up with little to no memory of her past, and being saved by a group of individuals who call themselves heroes, sends a long time captive for a whirlwind trying to find some form of grounding in this world she quickly learns runs on chaos. But she’s not the only one trying to figure out her forgotten backstory. Bucky Barnes, along with the other Avengers, can’t help but sense that there is a lot more to the whole situation than a diagnosis of amnesia. Her background slowly starts to come forward in pieces of her past and hidden information discovered. Who is she? And why was she in the room they were meant to destroy? 

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader 

Word Count: 2400+

TW: Torture, cussing, and blood. 

A/N: Ok! First off, Merry Christmas and Happy Holiday's lovlies! I'm so excited to share this new series with and also very excited to see what comes of it:) I hope you all are safe, warm, and having some sort of fun during this time of the year. Whether that be by yourself or with friends and family, all ways are just fine and dandy! Anyway, here is my Christmas gift to you! I plan on posting a chapter every other day so I can give myself some time to write in between! Love love love you all! xoxoxo

Chapter 1:

Bucky asked one of the assistants to bring a change of clothes for their Jane Doe.

So far, they did a few more checkups on her, making sure she was ok to be released within the next hour, and Bucky stayed close by.

He seemed to be the only one she had a sense of ease around, as he was the only familiar face in her new environment. They didn't have much outside of that keeping her from completely freaking out.

Though, she seemed more relaxed now that she had been taken care of properly and wasn't in immediate danger like she was used to.

"Thanks, Stark," he replied through the phone before hitting the end and turning back to the girl. "You have a place to stay here if you want," he smiled softly as she fidgeted with the plastic medical bracelet that hung loose on her wrist.

She nodded in response and continued to monitor her surroundings while anxiously picking at the laminated name, Jane Doe, they had put on her.

"Natasha, one of my teammates who helped us find you on that mission; said she's happy to help you get anything you need. We have an extra room down the hall from her and she's already got you set up with all the necessities you'll need until we get you back on your feet," he explained as he watched her zone in on the beeping coming from the monitor still hooked up to her blood pressure. "If you need anything outside of that, just let me know and I'll see what I can do."

She never gave any indication that she acknowledged him this time, but he knew that look on her face. The reality of the situation was setting in and it was harsh drowning waves of flashbacks.

She didn't know her name. She didn't really know where she was. Who knew how long she was at that torturous facility? And they knew nothing besides the little bits of intel they had recovered from the database which they were still trying to hack.

Sometimes you just have to shut down fully to even start to comprehend a piece of it.

"I know this is a lot," he started really soft and carefully as he crouched in front of her making himself smaller to her. "It's a long process of piecing things back together and coming to terms with all that happened and how. But from experience, I can promise you there is a way out of that dark tunnel that feels like it's closing in on you."

She looked at him, eyes still harboring a sense of anxiety, but more so horror at the memories she knew would resurface now that she had to process them.

And she had to process them. That was the only way she knew she could move on from this situation and figure out what the hell happened to her.

Breaking her eye contact from him, she adjusted on the edge of the hospital bed and straightened the hand-me-down sweatshirt she was given for the time being.

"How much longer do I have to stay here?" she asked. Her voice was still raspy, but with time and lots of hydration, she was slowly regaining it.

Bucky was happy she wasn't completely mute. She had a strength in her that he knew would pull through with time. It was all a matter of how much time though.

"Alma said within the next hour if you're still ok, we can go ahead and get you moved. They want to make sure you aren't going to have a reaction to any of the antibiotics they gave you," he replied.

For some reason, she wanted to laugh at that thought. Antibiotics would be water compared to the things she had injected into her in the past. There were going to be no side effects and she knew that.

At that moment, her stomach reminded the two that she hadn't had solid food for the whole time she was there. Who knows how long it had been before then too?

"How about I talk to Alma about an early check out and then we get you something to eat?" he asked, smirking as she self-consciously placed her hand on her stomach. "What's something you like?"

He was hoping the simple question would spark something, but if anything it caused her to give a confused look. Then it slowly saddened as she realized she didn't know what she liked.

"How about I pick a favorite of mine and we see how you feel?" he asked, standing up and placing his hands on his hips.

"Ok," she nodded.

"Ok," he confirmed. "I'm going to go talk to Alma and we'll go from there."

__________________

Figuring it was best to not go out in public just yet, he made do with the ingredients that Stark thankfully kept stocked in the shared Avenger's kitchen.

He showed her where her room was for the time being and introduced her to Nat who helped her get situated and accustomed to the new place.

After a quick shower and a fresh pair of clothes that weren't scrub pants and a sweatshirt some agent had taken from lost and found, she looked like a new person.

The circles under her eyes were still dark and semi-sunken from malnourishment that would take more than just a few days of saline and antibiotics to heal. However, the Y/E/C color in her eyes was shining differently given the newfound security she was being introduced to. Her face no longer held marks of dirt and residue from the explosion and he could see her complexion with more details.

Her Y/H/C hair was washed and he noticed a hint of waves to it as it dried, now that it had been properly cleaned and taken care of.

She came and sat at the island bar, reserved and keeping a high sense of awareness of her unfamiliar and new environment. So far it had proved to be safe, but she never had known a time when she didn't have to watch her back constantly.

"Not sure how you feel about pancakes for dinner, but I know it's a go-to comfort food for me and a few other people I know," he commented, setting a plate of the hot breakfast food in front of her.

He had brought out all the works not knowing what she liked and didn't.

Fresh-cut fruit was in one bowl, nuts and granola in another, chocolate chips and chocolate syrup placed on the other side, and of course butter and syrup ready to be picked if wanted.

"I'm not sure if you eat meat, but I can make some bacon or sausage," he offered as he watched her eyes take in the buffet of toppings. "Or eggs..." he added, not sure what she was thinking.

"What do you usually do?" she asked, looking up at him.

He hadn't expected that question, but he looked at the toppings and thought about it.

"I guess a good amount of butter and some syrup is a classic," he leaned against the other side of the island. "I eat a little more than the average person, so I usually add a protein in there somewhere."

"I'll do that then," she replied. "I'm really not sure what I like." She mumbled the last part, and Bucky could hear a hint of frustration in it.

Maybe the excess amount of choices wasn't the best idea, but he had hoped to spark a memory from it.

"Well, consider it a fresh start. Now you have the freedom to experience things and see for yourself what you like and dislike," he said with hope in his tone.

For the first time, he saw a glimpse of a smile turn at the corner of her mouth. It was a nice look on her.

The two sat and ate breakfast for dinner and he coaxed her to try a little bit of it all just to see what she thought.

She realized she liked chocolate. Quickly after learning that, she had added an excessive amount of chocolate syrup to the remainder of her pancakes and began adding different fruits to them as well. Chocolate and strawberries became her favorite combination, though who could blame her?

He chuckled as she discovered her sweet tooth and knew from personal experience just how euphoric such a simple choice can make someone who has been controlled all their known life feel.

Then slowly she became more relaxed and started asking Bucky questions.

"I heard someone call you Sergeant," she noted, swirling a strawberry that was on her fork through the leftover chocolate on her plate. "Are you in the army?"

"I was," he answered, wadding up his napkin and throwing it on his empty plate. "Not anymore, technically."

"Technically?"

"I'm a part of a smaller group now. But saving people and going on missions to take down some really shitty people is still part of the job," he nodded.

"Does your group have a name?" she asked.

"Hmm mmm," he hummed, turning his body back to her. "The Avengers."

He paused wondering if that name would ring any bells. But her face was blank as if the infamous name had never once crossed her path.

She hummed to herself and placed her dirty silverware on top of the cleaned-off plate.

"Who are you all Avenging?" she asked.

"Depends on the day," he chuckled at the wording of her question. "Here. I'll take those," he reached over, taking the plates and stacking them before moving to do the dishes.

"Thank you for that," she nodded appreciatively at his actions. "Thank you for everything really. I-I don't know what would have happened to me if you all weren't there to..." She didn't finish her thought.

He could tell the topic of that day was a sensitive one, but he was happy that he could be a decent memory in a fucked up situation.

"It's what we do," he replied.

She looked up and that small little smile was back for a fleeting second before she was hit with the trauma that came with the memory.

"Listen, I'd like to call you something else besides Jane Doe. Any chance there's a name you remember that you think could be yours?" he asked, trying to redirect her thought process.

"Right," she said softly, her eyebrows furrowing as she thought hard about it. He could see the recall working through her eyes as she tried to pull it from memories she had most likely tried to erase. "I'm not sure," she finally said, somewhat defeated.

"That's ok. How about you sleep on it and hopefully it'll come back to you. If not, it's just another thing you get to choose," he smirked.

She nodded before a yawn came over her. Her eyes drooped at the motion as her body begged for rest.

"We should call it a night. You've had a long enough day and I think it would be good for your body to get a well-deserved break." He put the last dish away and moved around the corner. "I'll walk you back to your room. This place can be a maze the first couple days here."

She yawned again and turned in the stool and hopped off to the ground in a quiet and careful manner. She was quite a bit shorter than him and it was the first time he noticed. Every time before, she had been in bed or slouched into his side running away from an explosion.

"Um," she hesitated, pausing just steps outside her door. He stopped in his step ahead of her and turned to her. "What do I do if I need help or someone to-," she stopped and he knew where she was going with it.

Someone to protect her.

"Do you want me to show you where my room is in case you need to find me?" he asked, and she looked past his shoulder down the long corridor of random doors. Then she nodded. "See that door on the other side of the hall?" He pointed directly to the other side just two doors down from her. "My door is unlocked most of the time and I'll be in there. Feel free to knock if you need anything."

His look was comforting to her as it held a promise that he would be at her beck and call until they found out more information.

She nodded once again in affirmation and turned to the knob and twisted it open to her room.

Bucky walked to his room but stopped just outside waiting for her to completely disappear behind the door before carrying on with his night.

As she began to shut the door, he turned into his but was stopped at the sound of his name.

"Bucky," she said as a statement. He turned his attention to her. "Thank you. I know I've said it already, but I really do respect all that you've done for me this far."

"It's part of my job," he replied and a part of him wanted to punch himself in the face right there.

A look of surprise passed over her expression as she began deducting that this was just a job to him. Though it had started that way, Bucky had found a form of sentiment to this girl and her background.

It was still part of his job, but he quickly learned that he was a little more attached to this whole case than he planned to be. It was too close to home for him to just be another job. He knew the pain, the trauma, and the sense of constantly having to learn trust with each passing day.

You can't fully do that with someone who sees you as a job.

By the time he had processed how his comment would have come off to her, she was already behind the door giving a quick nod and disappearing.

He shut his eyes in frustration and annoyance at himself. One step forward, two steps back.

He'd find a way to make it up to her and show her this was more personal to him than he was leading it on to be. That kind of connection is the first step in building trust and helping someone like her get out of the hole she's known for too long.

He debated on going and knocking on the door and explaining that second, but he needed rest and so did she. They weren't going to make any progress on exhaustion and weak bodies.

If you would like to be tagged in this upcoming series, please comment on this chapter! Thank you:)

Finding Memories Taglist: (some would not let me tag. so if you see your name but didn’t get the notification, double check if your blog allows tags:)

@tinkerbelle67 @a-beaverhausen @caruhleener

Marvel Tags:

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[0nlythrowharrybeaux]

Wonderful World - Part 18

This is a huge fluff bomb for the most part. There are tiny little angsty bits but they get resolved quickly. THINGS ARE TURNING AROUND!

Series Masterlist

Warnings: mentions of underage drinking, mentions and use of alcohol/drugs, mentions of sex - that's all I can think of??

WC: 18.6k

Diana had dropped Celeste off and went off to run errands since Harry had planned for a longer session since Celeste hadn’t spoken to him practically all summer and she was starting school shortly. Harry was having a lovely time during his lunch appointment with Celeste. They had made things a bit more informal as they were sitting on the couch cushions on the floor and using the coffee table for their spread. They had been talking throughout the time, mostly about Celeste’s time at summer camp, but Harry soon noticed that she was keeping some stuff to herself, which he didn’t mind at all, but it did make him wonder what exactly she was not wanting him to know. But other than that she seemed to be doing really well after matters with the bullying were resolved and that she’d gotten her break from school. Currently they were in stitches as she kept trying to use her chopsticks to pick up a dumpling.

“I can’t do it!” She laughed.

“OK, look at how I’m holding mine…” he said and she groaned before trying to copy what he was doing, “Good, there you go. Now just grab the dumpling…Good! Yes!” He stated in excitement as she started to bring it up to her mouth but then it slipped out of her grip and bounced off the coffee table and onto the ground.

“Misty, no!” Celeste gasped as she just saw her little paw dart out from under the table and pull the dumpling out of her reach. “Sorry, she’s so fast.” Celeste apologized.

“S’alright, I think one won’t do her any harm.” He assured her with a smile and Celeste just put down the chopsticks and grabbed her fork again. “So are you excited to start sophomore year?” He asked and she nodded.

“Yeah, I think it’ll be a lot better. I’m excited about it a bit more now.” She shared as she stabbed through another dumpling.

“Any particular reason why?” He asked as she bit her lip.

“I ummm…I have a boyfriend now.” She said and Harry’s eyebrows arched up in surprise at this news. 

He wanted to ask her who it was. Was is that guy that had made her feel sad at the concert? How long had they known each other? How old was he? Had he had other girlfriends before? And why did those relationships end? Was he a good kid or was he a trouble maker? What was his family like? Did he have good relationships with his parents and secure attachments to them? Or was his family messy and neglectful, meaning he would need to work harder to have healthy relationships with others? And more importantly, after everything she’d endured the year before, could she handle a romantic relationship right now? What if it went wrong? What if he hurt her? There were just so many things that were going through his mind and it was so much that he had no idea how parents could just watch their children grow up!

“Oh…” he finally said, “Ummm…does your mom know?” He asked instead, just bringing all of his thoughts to a screeching halt. He had no business fretting about Celeste like this, but she meant a lot to him. He loved her to pieces and he just wanted what was best for her.

“Yup.” She said simply and he hummed. He wondered if Diana did any vetting of this kid before giving her approval.

“Does she really?” He asked, trying to mask his doubt in her response.

“Yeah, we even had a…talk about what things I should…know.” She said before cringing and then put her fork down.

“Well that’s good…ummm…are there any goals you have for the year?”

“Ummm…I want straight A’s this semester. I want to be involved in a school production, and…I don’t know of anything else, just those two for now.” She said with a smile.

“OK, well I think now with less stress on your plate you should be able to do just that this year. You’re so smart and capable and I know you work so hard.”

“I do get nervous that I might get anxiety again and like…mess things up.”

“Well feeling anxious is quite normal.” Harry assured, “And you know what to do about it now, don’t you?”

“Kind of…” she said and he smiled.

“Kind of?!” He asked incredulously, “I think you’ve got mastery over your anxiety. I think my only little nugget of wisdom for you is that just because you can do it, doesn’t mean you have to.”

“What do you mean?” She asked with furrowed eyebrows.

“I mean just that. Like sometimes you won’t want to deal with your anxiety or stress in a “mature way”.” He explained with air quotations, “Sometimes you might just want to let yourself wallow and do nothing about it, and that’s totally fine. Your negative emotions should be expressed too, obviously not in a way that is hurtful to yourself or others. But if it’s too much and you don’t want to or can’t figure out why it’s happening then you call me. Or talk to you friends or your mum. But just know that just because you have the skillset it doesn’t mean that you no longer need any help, basically.” 

“Oh, OK.” She smiled. Her fall semester was starting the next week and she was just a little bit unsure of the logistics of everything with Ben, that’s really what was on her mind. “Ummm Dr. Styles…I think I’m a bit concerned about how…things will change with Ben being my…boyfriend now. Like, what if everything changes?”

“Well I think there will definitely be changes, but that’s something to discuss with Ben. Obviously, your priorities can change with a partner. It’s natural to want to spend more time with him and try and merge your circles. But just because you’re with someone doesn’t mean that you need to do everything with them. And more importantly, it’s important to remember not to trade your own identity and life for a partner, you can do your lives together. For example, if it’s important for you to have time with your friends then let him know that. Find a balance with him about how you guys want to move forward.” Harry said and Celeste nodded.

“Yeah, that makes sense.” She smiled before reaching for another dumpling, “And what if…what if he doesn’t want that?” 

“Well communicate and see if there’s a way to compromise. But if that’s still not enough then I’d say that you need to consider what’s more important at that point.” He said sincerely and she frowned. “Is it important to you to have a boyfriend?” Harry asked and she shrugged.

“I mean, I do like it.” She said simply, “But this is really the first time anyone I’ve liked has liked me back and…I guess, I’m scared that if I mess it up that…maybe I might not find that again?”

“Well, it’s always gonna feel that way if a relationship ends, whether it’s your first or your twentieth. Losing someone you care for and love that deeply is never going to be easy. But ultimately, relationships are about putting your genuine self out there to be loved, so don’t put so much pressure on yourself to be perfect or to make it perfect. Again this is your first relationship with another person, you’re bound to make mistakes and to go about things the wrong way, you’re still learning how you love and care and support someone in this role, you know? And Ben knows that too, right?” He asked and she nodded, “I’m sure he’s not perfect either. Nothin truly is but so long as you both communicate and continue to respect and care for each other how you do now, things should be just fine no matter what happens.” He assured her and she exhaled nervously and nodded.

“OK.” She hummed with a small smile.

It was nearing their time when Harry started wrapping up the session and technically her treatment plan for her depression and anxiety. He was pleased to confirm that she had met her goals, she was symptom free now, and overall that meant that he had done what he had set out to do with her. He then started asking her about what classes she was taking, what her schedule would be looking like and ultimately, what did she want out of therapy - if she even wanted to continue working with him at this point in time. They had now resumed their regular seating positions, he in his chair and she on the couch.

“So from what I’m hearing, we’ve accomplished what we wanted to accomplish with your treatment plan. But moving forward do you want to do the bi-weekly appointments, like you had said earlier this summer? Or are you perhaps considering another option?” He asked as he glanced up to her and she nibbled on her bottom lip pensively.

In truth, Celeste felt really good for the first time in a while. She felt that personally she was doing well, her friendships were solid, her relationship with her mom was also on steady ground. She knew that she’d be performing a lot better in school without the pressure of the bullying, and her anxiety had diminished tremendously when things with Megan improved. She didn’t feel like there was anything for her to work on right now. However, she didn’t want to lose Dr. Styles. She wondered if being a child of divorce felt how she was feeling. Where most of the time she was with her mom, and she loved her mom, but when she got to see Dr. Styles it was usually the highlight of her week. He wasn’t just her therapist, at least not in her eyes, he was almost like family in her eyes and she didn’t want to see him only when she needed mental health support. She wanted him to be around for her life in general! She would be eternally grateful for all the ways in which he helped her overcome her depression and anxiety, for the way he cared and protected her, for the way he went out of his way for her. But then she felt selfish, because if someone else needed him more than she did now it wasn’t right to take up his time. But the idea of someone else taking her place also made her sad because to her, he wasn’t just another therapist.

“I ummm…” she paused, “I don’t know…” She sighed nervously. She didn’t expect to start tearing up but she did and Harry pouted as she reached for a spare napkin to dab under her eyes. “I’m sure there are other people who need you even more than I do-”

“I’m not worried about other people now, just you and your therapeutic journey.” He said and she sniffled.

“That’s why I’m…I don’t think I need therapy anymore, but I’ll still need you.” She explained with tearful eyes and Harry’s eyes softened as they met hers, “Like you’re part of my family. I know that might be weird and not technically allowed, but like I don’t have the same support system that other people do.” She shared, “I just need you because then it feels like…my life is normal, you know?” She spoke before sputtering on a cry and Harry tutted.

“Oh petal, don’t cry.” He comforted her as he stood and she made space for him not he coach before he sat and hugged around her shoulders as she leaned into his side. “Who’s to say what’s normal and what’s not, anyway?” He asked rhetorically and she sniffled.

“Technically you, since that’s basically your job.” She responded and he chuckled a bit. 

“You’re not wrong about that.” He reasoned and she smiled despite the tears streaming down her face, “I ummm…I have something I’ve been thinking of telling you as well.” He said nervously.

“Is it bad?” She whispered, not daring to pull away to look at him.

“No and yes.” He said as he fixed his gaze on the wall in front of him. “We don’t have to talk about this now, I know that we’re coming up on our time, but I promise you it’s more good than bad.” He said and she pulled away now and looked into his eyes.

“Can you just tell me now? Otherwise I’m gonna be worrying about it until we see each other again.” She chuckled nervously and he nodded and cleared his throat as she pulled back further to be able to properly look at him.

“Yeah petal, of course.” He said and she just looked at him expectantly as he gathered his thoughts a bit. “I ummm…I went to visit my family this summer-”

“In England?”

“Yeah.” He nodded, “And ummm…I was talking to my mum about work and clients and I mentioned you to her. And everything that you’ve been going through and I ummm.” He sighed, “I think I knew before then that I care about you differently than my other clients. I mean, I am invested and I want what’s best for you and I worry about you and I want to help out more because I see how your mum does it all on her own and like…I think she’s doing the absolutely best job a parent could ever do. But it makes me feel like I should do more for you, but that’s not really…my job.” He said and she frowned a bit as he said this.

“Ugh, what I mean is that I ummm…I-i have grown to…ummm, t-to love you like…my own.” He said with a furrow in his eyebrows and her eyes started welling up again, “I too think of you as family, like a daughter I guess. I mean, I think that’s what this feels like.” He said and her eyes softened as they met his nervous ones. 

“You do?” She asked in quiet surprise and Harry nodded his head.

“Yeah. When we see each other for our appointments I almost feel like it’s my visitation time, like it’s my turn to spend time with you.” He explained with a small, nervous smile, “I can’t wait to see you and hear what’s new with you. Hoping that you’re doing well. Worried that someone else might hurt you or give you a hard time about something. I’m always worried about you to some extent and just the fact that I now care for you in this way has made it difficult to…to be objective.” He explained.

“And what about this is bad news?” She questioned through a sniffle and he chuckled at her question before clearing his throat.

“The bad news is that in seeing you in this new light, I wouldn’t really make a great therapist to you.” He explained and she wiped under her eyes as her pooled up tears started to streak down her cheeks.

“Oh.” 

“Yeah. I mean, I’ll always be here for you if you want to talk. Or if you or your mum need help with anything, or a ride, $20, a DoorDash? Absolutely anything at all, I’ll be here for you. But it’s just getting hard for me to be a therapist to you when I want to act like a… parent to you, you know?”

“Well what about if you get married and have your own kids?” She asked and he shook his head.

“I don’t- well, I never really wanted kids of my own. That hadn’t really been something that I planned for. I mean, the fact that I’ve started to care for you in a paternal way was even a surprise to me! So I’m not entirely sure how to navigate it just yet.” He explained, “But I mean, I just think that I could…be around more, like Henry and Grace? Like if your mum is swamped and needs someone to pick you up from school or if you have an event or a dance, or just a bad day, I find myself wanting to know those things as they happen and be there for you in real time, you know?”

“Yeah, I get what you mean…You know, I’m always asking my mom to invite you to stuff, but she’s always reminding me that technically you shouldn’t do those things for me and it does make me sad when you can’t or say no.” she confessed and he nodded in understanding.

“She’s right. But I’m sorry because this is very unfair of me to do to you, Celeste. I’m sorry if I ever made you question my care for you because of things like that. I tried to…to be objective, to keep the emotional distance, but you mean a lot to me and I’ve been trying to be objective and do what’s best for you. That’s my main goal, is to do what’s best. If that means ending our therapeutic relationship, then I can even help your mum find you another therapist! Or if you’d prefer that I continue to work with you like this then maybe some time apart would be best. Just t-to help me get back in the right headspace to help you as a therapist. Or I don’t know, I’ll think of something if that’s what you want.” He suggested, “I just want you to know that I only want to do right by you.” He explained and she nodded.

“Thank you.”

“Of course. Does it matter more to you that I’m present in your life outside of therapy? Or is this what you prefer?” He asked.

“Both?” She chuckled through a sniffle. Her shoulders shrugged and he smiled as he reached for the tissue box and handed it to her.

“You’ve got some snot just-”

“Ugh, gross.” She huffed before taking one and quickly blowing her nose as he chuckled at her response.

“Again, I’m sorry for just springing this on you. Would it help t-to take some time to think about how we should proceed?” He asked and she nodded immediately.

“Yeah. Some time to think about it would be nice.” She concurred and he nodded.

“OK. And you take as much time as you need, yeah? I’ll keep your slot blocked off until you’re ready.” He assured her and she smiled as she crumbled up the tissue in her hand.

“Thank you.” She said with gratitude and he smiled.

“Course, just want what’s best for you, petal.”

“I know.” She smiled, “Ummm, c-can I hug you again?” She asked and he nodded and opened up his arms as she surged forward to hug him once more. “I…love you too, Harry.” She hummed softly and his whole heart instantly warmed. “Thank you so much for helping me. I couldn’t have made it through without you.” She sighed.

“I’m happy I could help.” He assured her and let go when there was a soft knock on his office door. He stood up and went over, opening it up to see Diana.

“Your 2pm is here.” She said to him and his eyes widened a bit.

“Oh, thank you for the warning!” He said and then she moved aside to let him peek into the waiting room, “Paul, sorry. I’ll be just a few more minutes.” He said to the man and he just smiled and nodded. “Can you ummm, help me clean up, I need to use the bathroom.” He said softly to Diana.

“Sure.” She agreed and grabbed her purse and Harry rushed into the bathroom. She saw Celeste dabbing at her eyes with a tissue before she went to toss it in the trash. “Are you alright, cariño?” Diana asked her and she just smiled and nodded.

“Just had a heart-to-heart.” She sniffled.

“Oh, OK.” Diana smiled, “His next patient is here, we should hurry to clean up a bit.”

“Right!” She said and finishing packing up the bit of left overs into one box and then the trash into one of the bags that the food had been delivered in. It was just a moment before Harry emerged with damp hands.

“Thank you so much for helping tidy up.” He said to them gratefully and they both nodded.

“Oh, let me pay you-”

“It’s alright, this one’s on the house.” He assured Diana and she looked at him skeptically, “I’m sure. We’re all good.” He confirmed.

“Oh OK, well thank you. Did you guys figure out a new schedule?” She asked as she turned to Celeste.

“I’m gonna let him know.” Celeste said to Diana, who then turned to Harry and he nodded with a smile.

“Yeah. I’m gonna keep her regular slot blocked off and when she needs to come in just call or make your appointment online.” He said.

“Sounds good. Thank you again, Dr. Styles.” Diana said and Harry nodded firmly.

“My pleasure. And please, take the left overs with you.” He said to Celeste.

“Are you sure?” Celeste asked and he nodded.

“Yeah, of course! The dumplings were for you.” He assured and she grabbed the bag happily. Diana then grabbed the trash bag to toss in the big bin in the hallway before he walked them over to the other door that led to the hallway, “Alright, ladies.” He said as they stepped out, “Get home safe.” He said to Diana who just offered a small nod and then he turned to smile at Celeste.

She couldn’t help it as she shoved the bag into Diana’s hands and just hurried forward and hugged around Harry’s torso once again. Harry chuckled and hugged around her shoulders in response. His eyes fluttered up to Diana’s who quickly looked away when their eyes met. It was almost too much to see him being affectionate with Celeste. It was great to see but it also made her feel a bit sad. It was too easy to just imagine these sweet and affectionate scenarios being so commonplace in their lives, but it just wasn’t a real possibility.

“We’ll talk soon.” He assured Celeste quietly.

“Yeah.” she whispered and nodded against his chest before letting go.

“Bye.” He waved as they made their way down the hall.s

The car ride was quiet, Celeste seemed very pensive, but not sad. It wasn’t at all what Diana was expecting after what seemed like a “goodbye” at Harry’s office. She wanted to ask what they had talked about or what they had agreed upon, but she knew better than to pry. Obviously, Celeste had been doing far better than before, so she knew that Celeste probably would’t need therapy at the same frequency as before, but it was clear that she wanted to keep working with Harry as needed. Diana was glad though, that out of everyone she looked into they ended up with Harry. It gave her an increasing sense of comfort to know that the person who was helping her daughter, the literal sunshine of her life, on such a personal level loved and cared about her as if she were his own. Maybe she couldn’t have him in the ways she wanted, but at the very least Celeste had him in her life and that was good enough for Diana. 

*********

The next few weeks before Celeste was back in school flew by. Since Diana taught in the summer she was going to have pretty lax fall semester. So in between prepping for her two classes she, Celeste, and Grace dedicated time do some back to school shopping. It was something they had done together since Celeste started Kindergarten. Things were vastly different now. And while Diana was aware that time flew by and that inevitably, Celeste would grow up, she found it a bit of an emotional experience to be in the Ulta as Grace helped her choose a perfume because now that she had a boyfriend, she wanted to smell extra nice.

“-just keep it away from your lady bits because it will burn. Badly.” Grace said and Celeste looked at her quite judgmentally.

“Yeah, duh. Who would even think to do that?”

“Look, when we were younger no one had candid conversations about those kinds of things with us. Even some girls now might not have anyone to have those conversations with them.” Grace defended, “So many women might still do a lot of really…harmful things to themselves in the name of being more “feminine”. But it seems your mom has done a good job of warning you about those things.” Grace said with a smile and Diana chuckled.

“Yeah, definitely. No one should go through all the weird things we went through as adolescents.” Diana agreed as she picked up a bottle of some new Dior perfume to spray on a test strip and immediately grimaced as she gave it a whiff. 

They searched around for some hair products Celeste wanted to try and once they finished, were soon grabbing some dinner together. Celeste inhaled her food and was talking to Grace about Ben and her plans for the school year. She was basically back to her old self, she seemed more confident, and prepared for whatever might come her way. Diana was so proud of her, she had said it to her many times, and she was glad to hear Grace reiterating to her how she too was proud of how far she’d come over the last year.

“I know my mom was like…nerdy in high school.” Celeste said and Diana scoffed, “You said you were!” She defended, “But what were you like, Grace?” She asked.

“I was actually very popular. I was on the tennis team and we were very good.” She shared. “But I was a nice popular girl. I was a thespian too…and part of the debate team…” She shared, “Oh, and ASB VP junior year, and president my senior year…it was as fun time.” She mused with nostalgia, “Obviously, prioritize school. But remember to enjoy this time and make all of the memories you can. You’re only 15 once.” Grace said with a smile.

**********

On Monday morning Diana had made Celeste a breakfast sandwich and an iced earl grey tea so that she could eat on the way to school. She looked so cute in her new outfit and Diana was so excited to see her daughter like this, feeling gorgeous, confident, and capable. That’s all she could really hope for her. It was a new school year with new possibilities for both of them. All there was to do now was to seize those opportunities as they came.

“Are you excited? Nervous? Calm?” Diana asked as they drove to her school.

“More excited. I feel like it’s going to be a really good year.” Celeste shared before having another bite of her sandwich.

“Good. Did your uncle text you?”

“Yeah. Sent me $200 too.” She smiled excitedly.

“Well, just be smart with it, OK?”

“Yeah, I will…” she hummed lowly, “Oh, I know that technically you don’t start teaching until next week, but is it OK with you if Ruben drives me home after school on the days that I have activities after school? He’s on the football team and has to stay a bit later for practice and Ben is just always waiting around for him alone.” She said and Diana bit her lip.

“I’ll think about it.” Diana decided and Celeste huffed.

“Mom…” she whined.

“He’s 17, mamita. I’m not saying no, I just need to give it some thought.”

“Ben said he’s a good driver…”

“I’m no saying he isn’t, but he’s a teenager and driving can be dangerous even if you’re being cautious-”

“Oh my god, mom, it’s just like a 15 minute drive! Nothing’s going to happen to me!” She insisted, her body was now turned towards Diana’s as they were stopped at a traffic light.

“You don’t know that! And young men just tend to be the most reckless drivers-”

“I’m not going to die like Wes did!” Celeste’s voiced her frustration loudly and Diana’s heart immediately sunk and her stomach knotted up, her good mood completely faded in an instant. She exhaled shakily and Celeste was completely frozen upon realizing what she had just said.

“We’re done having this conversation, Celeste.” Diana said softly.

“Mom-” Diana cut her off as she turned on the radio and immediately turned it up. It was comically ironic how “Perfect Day” by Hoku filled the space. Celeste frowned when she saw Diana swallow thickly and a few tears slid down her cheek as they started driving again.

Celeste had no idea what to even do next, she was just staring at her mom. Waiting, hoping that she would blow up on her because she deserved it. But she stayed quiet the rest of the time until they were coming up to the drop off point. When the car came to a stop her mom was just quietly staring out the windshield.

“Alright, ummmm, have a good first day.” Her mom said quietly and she had no idea what to do, she was still just starting at her in shock.

“Mom-”

“Go on then…” she cut her off once more.

“Mom, please-”

“I don’t want to talk to you right now. Get out, please.” More of her tears started to fall and Celeste felt like absolute shit.

“But-”

“Get. Out.” Her mom punctuated, “I’ll be fine.” She mumbled and she just hurried out of the car.

***********

As soon as she pulled out of the school parking lot Diana started to sob. What Celeste had said to her was absolutely cruel. She felt so sick to her stomach. She knew how teens could be and she had to keep her cool. Though personally, she had never been that gutsy with her parents, she’d thought plenty of awful things some times. And she was thinking awful things now, but she was an adult now and she needed to get out of the situation before she blew up horribly on Celeste and said something to ruin her first day at school. She had to pull over from how hard she was crying, but better to let it all out than keep it bottled up inside. 

When she got home she did a bit of laundry and tidied up around the house, just trying to work away the frustration and that lump that was apparently lodged in her throat now. Afterwards she just plopped herself in bed and scrolled through her phone silently until she decided to reach out to Josh, he had teenagers, maybe he could help her figure out how to deal with this situation with Celeste. He was quick to reply and let her know that he was free the next day and they planned to meet up at Cafe Flores at 9am. After coffee Diana could go into the office and work on her assignments for a bit.

She lazed around for a large part of the afternoon and then made some dinner before leaving around 4:30 to get Celeste, the first day of band was always longer as they got the new members set up and discussed the repertoire for that semester. She waited in the parking lot for a bit before she saw Celeste coming out with Ben at her side. They stopped at the gate and Diana glanced away when she saw Celeste looking around before Ben leaned in to kiss her cheek quickly before he hugged her tight. Moments later the passenger door was opening up and she glanced over to see Celeste looking at her reluctantly.

“Hey, how was it?” She asked softly.

“Ummm…good. Really good.” Celeste responded. Diana could feel the apprehension rolling off of Celeste in waves as she settled into the front seat.

“That’s good.” She hummed and then took off. Once again, it was quiet between them. As much as Diana wanted to say something, if she spoke she would cry, so she just decided to stay in her head and focus on the road. They made it home and as soon as they got inside Diana felt more calm, but she still needed some space.

“Ummm, dinner’s on the stove.” Diana said to Celeste.

“Mom, I’m really sorry for what I said today it was horrible.” Celeste blurted out and Diana sighed.

“I know you are. I do forgive you, I just ummm…I’m still upset though.” She explained and Celeste frowned.

“But mom-”

“You really hurt my feelings, mamita. I love you, but I just…I need a little space to get over it, OK? I’m not mad at you anymore, just need some space.” She assured before heading back to her bedroom. She stripped down, had a shower, and then soaked in the bathtub until the water was getting a little too cold to relish any longer. She had just finished rinsing the bath bomb off when there were some knocks on her bathroom door. “Yeah?”

“I made you some of that chamomile tea you like.” Celeste said through the door and Diana smiled to herself. She quickly put on her bathrobe and opened the door to see Celeste setting the mug down on a coaster on her bedside table. She turned quickly upon hearing the door open, “I’m really sorry for what I said, mom.” She apologized again as she hurried over and Diana nodded.

“I know you are. C’mere.” She sighed and Celeste smiled as she settled into her arms. “I love you.” 

“I love you too.” Celeste sighed, “I just…got mad at you for…not letting me catch rides with Ruben-”

“I didn’t say no, Celeste. Just that I need to think about it. I don’t know him all that well, I’m sure he’s a great kid, but I just need to trust him a bit more to let you in a car with him without any adult supervision.”

“He’s turning 18 in November…” she whined.

“Look, I get that you want a bit more freedom now that you’re…growing up, but I’m still responsible for you. If something ever happens to you based on a decision I made it’s going to eat me alive. I called Josh today and we’re going to meet up for coffee tomorrow. Just want to see what he thinks because if something ever happens, their family would also be implicated and I just need to make sure that Ben’s parents are also OK with Ruben driving other people around. OK?”

“OK…” Celeste agreed. 

“And look, as you get a bit older we might…clash a bit more. There are going to be things that you might want that I might not be on board with. And even if we disagree or fight, I will always do my very best to keep my anger or frustration in check. I will try to be patient and understanding and even when we fight, just try to remember that I love you and just want to do what’s best for you. You’re everything to me, mamita. I’m just trying to do my best.” Diana said and Celeste just nodded.

“I know.” She said quietly, “I decided that I’m trying out for the fall musical.” She shared and Diana pulled back with a smile.

“Really? What musical are you guys going to do?” She asked.

“The Wizard of Oz.”

“Oh! What part are you trying out for?”

“I want Dorothy, but I don’t know…Maybe Glinda or the Scarecrow.”

“Well, if you want to be Dorothy, audition for Dorothy. Don’t settle.”

“You really think I can do it?”

“Yeah, I’ve heard you sing! You know…I’m a bit of a singer myself. I haven’t played piano in ages, but I’d be happy to get a keyboard or something and help you prepare audition pieces if you want? We can spend a bit more time together like that?”

“Really?”

“Yeah! It’d be fun!”

“OK.” She agreed.

“When are auditions?”

“In one month. We’re making the sets first. Mr. Greene wants to see how we collaborate with each other or something like that, first.”

“Well sometimes when people get the lead roles they get a little…prissy. It happened to Carly DeWitt during our production of Legally Blonde my junior year. She started being mean to everyone and bossing everyone around, everyone hated her by the end of the semester. Not even her friends wanted to talk to her because she just felt like she was better than everyone and wouldn’t help around the production. So I think Mr. Greene is on to something.” Diana said and after catching up a bit about Celeste’s day while she brushed her hair out they each went to bed. 

*********

After dropping off Celeste at school the following morning, Diana made her way to Cafe Flores to meet Josh. She parked in the faculty lot by her building and then made the ten minute walk through campus to the cafe. It was still a bit busy despite the lack of student presence, it did get a lot worse during the school year. She greeted the staff over the counter and took a seat, waiting for him to show up and just a few minutes later he was coming in through the door and she stood.

“Hey, how are you?” Josh greeted her warmly with a hug and friendly smile.

“Good. And you?” She asked.

“Pretty good as well. Have you ordered?”

“No, I was waiting for you.” She informed and so with that they went up to place their orders before taking a seat. 

They first caught up a bit and finally she brought up the reason why she had asked to meet him. Diana took a sip of her coffee before clearing her throat.

“So I wanted to talk to you about something.” She said and he nodded, “Yesterday, Celeste and I got into a bit of an argument…” she explained and he hummed, “Well, more like she got mad at me because she wanted my permission to let Ruben drive her home on the days he has football practice so that Ben doesn’t have to wait for him on his own.” She explained, “And ummm, I told her I’d think about it. Then she…was like ‘nothing’s gonna happen to me’ and I just told her that she didn’t know that and then she…she got upset and said that it’s not like she would die like…her dad did.” Diana said more quietly and Josh frowned.

“Oh my god…I’m so sorry.” He said and she shrugged.

“Obviously, it hurt my feelings…but ummm, my concerns do stem from that. He was…18, had his whole life ahead of him and a drunk driver ran a red and…that was it. So anyway, I’m a bit reluctant and I guess I just wanted to know i-if I’m being irrational about it?”

“Absolutely not! Besides, he’s not allowed to drive anyone apart from Ben until he turns 18 because he got two speeding tickets this summer.” Josh shared. “And after what you’ve been through I don’t want to put you in a situation that will make you concerned over your daughter’s wellbeing. Also, Ben really likes her and well, he’s always been a bit more of a geek and has struggled a bit in making friends and fitting in well. Luckily, we’ve been able to curve any bullying because Ruben is such a conventional teenage guy and no one messes with Ben because of it, but ummm, I’m really proud of him for going for it with Celeste. He’s felt more confident and he looks really happy and ummm, I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize that. Maybe we can revisit this when Ben get’s his license next year, but I think for the time being it’d be best to not.”

“OK, well thank you for being honest with me about this.”

“I’m just annoyed now that my little shits were planning a coup…It’s not like Ben doesn’t know about the conditions we gave Ruben.” He said and Diana chuckled.

“They’re teenagers…they can be sneaky.”

“I know but…ugh, now I know how my parents must have felt.” He chuckled and Diana did as well. “Were you a trouble maker too?” He questioned with a teasing smirk.

“Actually no. I was a choir geek, didn’t even have a boyfriend until Wes…he was my first and last boyfriend.” She said and he frowned a bit.

“You’ve been alone this whole. Fucking. Time?” He questioned and Diana shrugged.

“It’s not like I haven’t tried.” She said, “And the one time I did think that maybe…I could be with someone Celeste flipped her shit.” She said, “Thought I was going to forget about her…so that ended and then ummm…I just…chose her. Well, I don’t know what I’m complaining about when you’ve sacrificed so much yourself.” She shook her head.

“Don’t minimize what you’re going through.” He said reaching for her hand and squeezed it, Diana smiled, “Yeah, it’s different than what I’ve been through, but it’s still hard. And at the end of the day that’s what parenthood is. The ultimate sacrifice. It’s never about you ever again. Even when they’re gone they’ll still have your whole heart and I mean, it’s not like you even have a choice you know. It’s going to be them.Every. Single. Fucking. Time.” he said softly.

*********

Harry had an adjunct faculty meeting at the Mental Health & Behavioral Intervention department. It was something they did every year to provide updates on university policies, courses, staffing, and to set up direct deposit for paying the adjunct professors. Misty had been sick to her stomach so he had taken her to the ER vet and lost some sleep since he was monitoring her overnight, so Harry was exhausted. Thankfully, the vet called in the morning and let him know that it seemed like she ate some bug that she shouldn’t have and she’d be just fine. He was relieved to learn that she was going to be just fine, but he needed a bit of a boost to make it through this three hour meeting at the university, so he decided to make a quick stop at Cafe Flores. 

He stopped at the window by the door, he just wanted a peek inside to see if there was a long line since he had less than ten minutes to get to the meeting. However, his stomach sank and his mood crashed as his eyes were drawn to see some handsome, large, buff man holding Diana’s hand across the small table. They were smiling at each other and seemed to be talking rather intimately. It hurt and made him so mad. Despite that, he lingered there for a few moments. He watched them being so open, laughing, talking…he wondered if she was even hurting over him anymore? He still was. And sure, he had buried that deep down to be able to function properly, to be able to stop wallowing all the fucking time, but it still hurt.

“Excuse me, are you going in?” A woman said from behind him and he spun around quickly.

“Ummm, no. Sorry.” He mumble before walking off. He sped off, heart and thoughts racing as all of these questions ran through his head. He felt like a strop-py child because he had no reason to be this upset, but the fact that he was told him that he just needed distance. More of it. He was glad now that he had told Celeste how he felt about her because he knew she would take her time to make the best choice and the longer she took, the better.

**********

Diana knew Celeste would be annoyed when she broke the news to her about Ruben not being able to drive her, but it had to be done. So on the way to pick her up from school she stopped by to pick up pizza from a place Celeste really liked and then went to grab her.

“Ooh, smells good!” Celeste hummed as she made her way into the car.

“Great! It’s my consolation prize because I have some disappointing news for you.” She said and Celeste pouted as she buckled up.

“Ughh, what now?” She asked with a frown as Diana started to drive away.

“Well, I met with Josh to see what he thought about Ruben giving you rides and he informed me that he got 2 speeding tickets over the summer so he’s not allowed to be driving anyone but Ben to and from school.” Diana said and Celeste looked away. “You knew?” Diana asked, sparing her a quick glance.

“OK, yes…but I didn’t think it would be a big deal! It’s on the way so we figured he wasn’t technically doing anything wrong since we’re on the way to their mom’s.”

“Teenagers…” Diana huffed with a roll of her eyes.

“You’re not mad?”

“Of course I am! But it’s not happening now that Josh knows, so there’s no point in getting upset at you.” She shrugged and Celeste huffed. “Sorry. But I will reconsider when Ben gets his license next year.”

“How do you know that?” She asked, turning to her quickly.

“Josh told me.” She smiled.

“I never should’ve let you guys meet…” Celeste grumbled playfully.

… OCTOBER …

This first week of October was very eventful for both Celeste and Diana. Celeste had Homecoming and was also going to hear back about the auditions for the winter musical. She and Diana had been rehearsing several songs to prepare her and she sounded phenomenal with each one. Diana had been having a rough start to her semester, she had a handful of the guys from the basketball team in her class on Latin American culture and they were very disruptive. Even after nearly a month of having them and trying to engage with them, they were just dicks and extremely disrespectful and so unserious. She had just finished grading one of their assignments where this particular student had put in absolutely no effort into the easiest thing and she was so annoyed. She was reaching her breaking point and had no idea how she would be able to handle this for the entire semester. Thankfully, her alarm went off, alerting her that it was time to pick up Celeste. She was so happy it was and started to wrap up before heading out. She was also picking up Ben today, he was going to come over and do homework at their place and then Ruben would pick him up after practice, this was a good alternative that Josh and Elena had agreed upon after talking to their boys.

“Hey guys, how were your days?” Diana greeted them.

“I got a call back for Dorothy!” Celeste said excitedly as she slid into the back seat to be able to sit with Ben.

“Yeah? Congrats!” Diana said excitedly. She could definitely use some good news after the day she’d had.

“She sounded so good in her audition last week!” Ben said as he slid into the car as well.

“Hey, Ben!” Diana greeted.

“Hi.” He smiled timidly before scooting to the center seat to be by Celeste. 

“When’s the callback?”

“At the end of the week! They want us to sing Over the Rainbow.” 

“Oh! Good thing we’ve been practicing it, you sound incredible.” Diana said and Celeste grinned.

“Really?”

“Yeah, Judy Garland would be impressed.” She assured. 

The drive home was filled with chatter about that and about the Homecoming carnival that was on Saturday night. As soon as they got home, Celeste and Ben started doing their homework in the dining room and Diana soon joined them to finish grading her assignments. It was around 5:30 when dinner arrived and Ruben was on his way. They had enough food, so Diana just texted Elena and Josh that the boys were eating dinner at hers before they headed home. It was that time of the week where there was an overlap in their shifts, so the boys would technically be alone at Elena’s place.  It made her feel better to know that they were with someone for a bit, she knew they were likely used to it, but if she could prevent them from being alone for just a bit more she’d do it.

“Thank you so much for dinner, Miss Beltran.” Ruben said as he placed his dishes in the sink as she put on the kettle for her evening tea.

“Yeah, of course. You boys have my number, if you ever want to come over just let me know.” She assured. A few moments later they were heading home. 

*********

Finally, it was Friday and Diana was pulling up to Celeste’s school. She only waited a few minutes in the lot before she, Geri, Ozzy, and Ben were all running up to the car.

“Mom, mom, mom!” Celeste was basically bursting with joy as she threw the car door open.

“What?” Diana asked with a bright smile.

“I got it! I got the lead!” She shouted excitedly and Diana gasped and hurried out of the car to Celeste and hugged and jumped up and down, cheering excitedly for a few moments with her.

“I’m so proud of you!” Diana praised as she pulled back from their hug.

“I may have been a little overexcited and asked everyone over for dinner.” She said with a nervous smile, “They’re gonna get picked up from our house at 8?”

“Yeah, alright.” Diana said.

“OK guys! Get in!” Celeste announced and her little crew started piling into the car. Diana stopped at the store for some salad and sodas and as soon as they got home she ordered some pizzas while the kids went to TV room.

“I’ve texted Grace and Harry too.” Celeste said to Diana as she came into the kitchen.

“Oh, great!”

“Yeah. Can I get 1 sprite and 3 Dr. Pepper’s?” Celeste asked and Diana went into the fridge to grab the soda cans for her before handing them over. After a few minutes Celeste came back. “Grace said she and Henry can be here around 6:30 and Harry has plans.” She said and Diana turned around.

“Harry, huh?” Diana questioned and Celeste smiled.

“Yeah. Ummm, he said he sees me like family, like a daughter, and that he…loves me.” She said and Diana’s brows arched up in surprise at the news that he actually told her. “That’s why I was crying after we met. It made me really happy to hear that. And ummm, we talked about…him not being my therapist anymore so that he could…be here for things like this all the time.” Celeste said, “I told him I wanted to think about it for a bit.”

“So is this you choosing?”

“I talked to him about trying out for the musical in session, I felt it was pretty neutral to invite him to this so that I can…give it more thought.”

“Yeah, I think it is.”

“Would you like it if he was around more?” Celeste asked.

“Ummm, I wouldn’t mind it. I like Harry, he’s really great.” Diana said and Celeste nodded.

“I think so too.” She smiled.

*********

Harry had continued his routine of drowning himself in work and ignoring everything negative that was accumulating. He had hung out with Henry and Grace a few times. He had even contemplated going to Celeste’s impromptu celebration for landing the lead role in the school musical a few weeks ago, but he couldn’t bring himself to. He wanted to be in Celeste’s life, he had missed not hearing from her. But he understood she needed to take her time and her cautious manner was actually a blessing in disguise as he nursed his broken heart with pot and hookups when he got really sad. 

He was in that irritated at love phase and having to sit in front of Henry and Grace while they made eyes at each other was torture. They were quite perfect for each other and Harry loved how they loved each other…he knew that he and Diana would look at each other just like that if given the chance.

“Harry, we’re having a Halloween party this Saturday and you must come.” Grace said,

“I don’t know…”

“H, you’ve been getting out of plenty of shit, but not this. C’mon it’ll be fun. You could dress up and just not be your miserable self for a while.” Henry said and Harry chuckled.

“Yeah, alright.” He agreed.

*********** 

Diana was a tad worried as she helped Celeste get on her Eleven makeup for her costume. She had her first high school Halloween party and Diana was nervous for where the night could take her and her friends. After Ruben started hanging out with them more, some of the senior girls befriended her and invited her to this party.

“Celeste, there will be alcohol and drugs somewhere at this party and I-”

“Oh my god, mom…I’m not gonna do that!”

“Well-”

“I’m too scared!” Celeste scoffed and Diana smiled.

“Yeah, it’s scary.”

“Does it even taste good or does it all taste like that wine?” She asked and Diana giggled.

“Not exactly like that, but that bitter after taste, that’s all about the same.”

“Not worth it in my opinion.” She mumbled and Diana chuckled.

“Well, make sure that at least one of you is sober so that you make good choices.” She said and Celeste nodded. “Please be very careful. Do I need to call Elena to confirm she’s going to pick you guys up?”

“Oh no, Ben told me she had a night shift so she’s just getting caught up on her sleep. But she’s driving us there and back.” Celeste confirmed.

“Oh OK. God I don’t know how they do it…such long hours.”

“I know… so are you going to Grace’s party?”

“I think so. I had a long week, should get some fun in.”

“Yeah, you deserve it.” Celeste said and Diana smiled.

“I don’t even know what to dress up as.”

“Just choose a movie character. I’m sure you have something in your closet.”

“Yeah.” Diana said with a smile. At 6:30pm Diana was dropping Celeste off at Elena’s place. She was in the shower at the time, but Diana wasn’t too worried about having a chat with her as she was in a rush to get back home and figure out a costume. “Celeste, 12:30pm, OK? If you’re going to be late, please call.” She said and Celeste nodded. With that curfew confirmed she headed home and focused on finding her outfit for the night.

After digging around, Diana pulled out her most generic professor-aesthetic pieces and paired them together before opting to put on her glasses instead of her contacts and just go as a “sexy professor”. She wasn’t really in a mood to drink, but she’d go and try and have a night to loosen up. She had a light dinner and then drove over to Grace’s place. There was some traffic so it was a bit after 8:30 when she finally arrived. Grace’s town home was quite full with people. Grace very easily made friends, but now she was learning that Henry also had loads of friends. She had been introduced to coworkers of theirs and had entertained small talk and flirtations from a few people as she just lingered in the kitchen until she started to get a bit overwhelmed by one of the men chatting her up.

“Sorry to interrupt, I just really need to use the restroom.” She said to him.

“Oh yeah, go for it! Sorry, just talking your ear off…” he smiled, “I’ll look for you after.” He said and she just smiled and slipped away.

**********

Harry wasn’t huge on dressing up for Halloween, so he hadn’t the slightest idea what to go as to Grace’s mandatory dress-up Halloween party. After much googling he threw on his sweater vest and some slacks with his glasses - he could pull off a look that was very similar to Guillermo De La Cruz from What We Do In The Shadows. He had eaten an edible right after he had his dinner and then an uber was driving him to Grace’s. When he arrived he saw a couple of Henry’s friends who he’d met before and of course, he’d seen Diana from afar, she was just lingering around the kitchen but not drinking from what he could tell. He was able to avoid the kitchen as other people kept offering to bring him drinks, all while he lingered in the shadows watching attentively as person after person tried their best with her. She played coy…he knew she did, but seeing it, he couldn’t help but smile. No wonder he’d fallen victim to her, she was so effortless and gorgeous. But he could see her growing weary of these efforts and finally excused herself. He followed her with his eyes as she made her way out of the kitchen and down the hall to the front door. He lost her when a group of people crossed and so he decided to follow her against his better judgment.

“Hey H, where are you off to?” Henry asked as he brushed past him.

“Oh, just outside for a bit. S’stuffy in here.”

“Oh for sure! When you’re back in find me, we’ll do a shot, yeah?” Henry requested with a lazy smile.

“Why don’t we just do it now?” He suggested with a drunken grin.

“Yeah! Let’s go!” Henry cheered and he rounded up a few more people before they were all knocking back a shot followed by a jello shot as a chaser. After that chaotic minute Harry was weaving his way through the bodies and out into the cold night. The weed in his system plus the couple alcoholic drinks he’d had while being here for a good hour were catching up to him. He felt like he was viewing the world in HD, his eyesight felt sharper somehow. His cheeks were warm and his consciousness was just a bit removed from him. As soon as he made it out he looked around and saw a small group of people talking and smoking up on the small lawn and when he looked ahead he saw a figure on the swings at the little playground across the street from Grace’s. It was just the back of her, but he knew it was Diana. He wanted to leave her alone, but his heart was begging him to walk in that direction. As if she were some magnetic force that he was inevitably drawn to. He knew better than to confront her in his current state, but despite that nagging little voice in his head begging him to have some self-control, or some dignity…Harry made his way over and when he got close he saw her straighten up a bit.

“Hi.” He spoke first and she turned her body a bit to see him coming around the swing set.

“Hey, Harry.” She smiled at him, “Are we dressed as the same thing?” She asked with an amused grin.

“I don’t know? I’m supposed to be Guillermo from What We Do In The Shadows.” He explained as he glanced down at his sweater vest and she studied him just a bit. 

The weather was still so pleasant in LA despite it closing in on November. That’s what he loved about this place. He could always count on it to be comfortable and perfect, even when the weather was “off”. Everything about LA was placid. The people, everyone always minding their own business. The traffic even had its pattern, he considered himself a local now, so he knew what hours to travel at to navigate it with less inconveniences. The culture - art, music, food, nature, all of it was rich and perfect. You could have anything you wanted in this state; it was heaven on earth to him! And well, then there was Diana…he couldn’t picture this city without her benevolence and beauty anymore. She gave this whole place a new shine that he hadn’t experienced before and he was addicted to it.

“Oh, I do see that!” She concurred after she had looked over his outfit in the cold light from the lamps surrounding the small playground.

“Exactly!” He smiled. “So who are you supposed to be?” He questioned and she shook her head with a timid smile.

“A sexy professor.” She mumbled lowly in slight embarrassment. She was avoiding his gaze and focusing on her shoes as she admitted this to him.

“Oh, so just yourself then?” He flirted, “Very clever.” He slightly slurred.

"Poor planning on my part.” She said, “You’re already drunk?” She questioned.

“I’m a little bit crossed.” He confessed and she hummed, “Wait…if you assumed we came as the same thing are you saying I’m a sexy professor?” He grinned smugly and she giggled.

“I guess, I am.” She shrugged and he smiled a bit cockily to himself, “Yeah.” She then confirmed with a giggle.

“Are you not drinking?”

“No. Celeste went to her first high school party. She made friends with some seniors through Ben’s brother. Ben is her boyfriend, by the way!” She said and Harry chuckled.

“Oh my god, I know! She told me she has a boyfriend now…wild.”

“Yeah…well, she’s off doing that and I know she’s a good kid, but I’m just a little too preoccupied to drink. Like if anything happens I just want to be able to get to her if need be.”

“Yeah, that’s actually really smart.” He said and she nodded. “Speaking of significant others… I saw you a few months ago, you know?” He brought up stupidly. Because maybe she and Celeste had made a deal, that if Celeste could date, Diana could now too and it would explain what he saw at the cafe all those months ago.

“You did? And you didn’t say hi?” She asked in mock offense.

“You were…a bit preoccupied.” He said and she furrowed her brows pensively,  “You were on a date?” He reminded and she looked even more confused, “I saw you literally holding hands with some obscenely hot, beefy guy across a table.” He said, trying to keep down that accusatory lilt that as fighting to become more obvious in his tone. But Diana seemed too confused to notice as she racked her brain trying to figure out what he was talking about because nothing was coming to mind.

“Are you sure it was me?” She asked and he smiled sardonically.

“Of course! I knew you were you just now by looking at the back of you!” He said and she smiled.

“Well none of that rings a bell so I think your eyes are failing you, Harry.” She teased playfully and when she glanced back up at him she saw his face was set in a rather serious expression.

“I can’t move on, you know? I’m not as…detached as you are.” He said and here eyebrows furrowed again.

“Detached? I don’t think I’ve been detached with you.” She responded, trying to keep the defensive tone at bay as he looked at her incredulously.

“Whatever you say…” he huffed, “So your new boyfriend-”

“Oh my god…” she groaned, “I don’t have a boyfriend!” She said with slight irritation. His false nonchalance about this was getting under her skin faster than it normally would. Mostly because she had made her feelings for him so fucking clear the last time they saw each other. Sure, it was months ago, but she put her whole heart out on the line for him. So that he would stop doubting and see that she loved him just as much as he loved her. 

“Love, s’alright…” he shrugged, “You can be honest with me. I-I can take it.” He slightly slurred and she rolled her eyes.

“Clearly not.” She said lowly and he smirked as he reached for the chain of the swing and she glanced up at him.

“So you’re admitting it. He’s your boyfriend.”

“Jesus, Harry-”

“I just need to know so that I can move on! Or just tell me that we’re never going to happen so that I can-”

“Harry, jealousy is not a good look on you.” She huffed as she scowled up at him.

“M’not jealous. I just need to know…so that I can move on without feeling bad-”

“Oh please, don’t feel bad for me! If you want to date, date! We tried, Harry and we both agreed it wasn’t going to work! I’m not expecting you to just dwell on what could’ve been forever-”

“OK, don’t flatter yourself…” he smirked and she scoffed and shot up from the swing and started walking away. Harry frowned as she hurried off, “Di!” He shouted after her, “Diana!” He called once more, slightly jogging after her before things started to get a little too spin-ny for him and he stopped.

“I’m not doing this with you. You’re being an ass!” She called back as she continued to stalk off towards the house. 

Diana didn’t even spare a glance back at Harry, she was so annoyed at him. Why couldn’t they just have a normal time without this always being a topic. As much as she wanted to be friends with him maybe she wouldn’t be able to if he couldn’t just deal with his feelings. She was hurting too, she missed him, she felt badly about the possibilities of what they could’ve been. She was dealing with it all the time, but she loved him too much to put him at risk and if he couldn’t see that and was just being a selfish prick about it, then she wanted nothing to do with him outside of their official business with Celeste. She just wanted to go home. So as she squeezed past a few people she was determined to find Grace and get her to open up her bedroom so she could grab her bag and get going. She didn’t need this.

*********

“Fuck.” Harry plopped down on the swing Diana had been on. The seat still warm from her body. It made him sad to think that this was as close as he could get to her warmth again. He kept doing stupid shit to drive the wedge between them even further. Maybe it was self sabotage because there was no way he could be on good terms with her without continuing to pine after her. 

Harry genuinely hadn’t felt this way before in his life. He felt incomplete without Diana and Celeste. It was sick, the game the universe was playing his with heart. He loved them too much for his own good…it was tearing him apart. He was talking himself into clearing his brain fog a bit to properly apologize before she left when his phone started ringing in his pocket. He sighed, wondering who could be calling at near midnight, when he pulled it out he saw Celeste’s name on his screen and quickly answered.

“Hello?” He spoke into the receiver. All he could hear was heavy panting for a few seconds on the line before it crackled a bit and he immediately started to freak out as he thought the worse. What if she was in danger? Or having sex with this new boyfriend of hers? She was 15! He started to get angry and scared at what could be happening, “Celeste? Celeste! What he hell are you doing, Celeste?!” He shouted into the receiver, practically shaking in anticipation of hearing her excuse for this. He was seeing red. If anyone hurt her, he would surely be out for blood and no one in the world would be able to stop him from-

“Harry?” She finally spoke, still sounding out of breath and then he heard some laughter and muddled voices in the background, “Are you there?” She asked and the line crackled again.

“Yeah, I’m here. Where are you? What’s going on? Are you alright?” His anger dissolved as soon as he heard the fear in her voice.

“Someone called the cops on the party I came to! My mom gave me permission by the way.” She said quickly and he let out the biggest sigh of relief upon hearing this, “And we just…we ran like half a mile to not get caught and I don’t have great cell service in this area so we can’t get an uber and they’re all like 40 minutes away and my curfew is at 12:30! Ruben had too much to drink and either way he’s parked out by the house where the cops are and we can’t go back there! We need you to please come pick us up!” she was rambling, sounding panicked as she divulged all this information about how she’d gotten into this situation.

“Oh god…ummm…I didn’t drive here, petal.”

“What about Grace or Henry? Can you borrow their car or can one of them come for us?” She asked.

“I’m not sober enough to drive and they’re worse than me. Your mum hasn’t had anything to drink-”

“No! Not my mom, Harry. Anyone but my mom! She’s going to kill me!” She panicked.

“Celeste, listen to me, I-I’ll talk her down. I’ll be the buffer, yeah?”

“You don’t understand, if she comes to pick us up we’re all screwed!” She groaned into the phone.

“I-if you did something wrong, sooner or later you’ll have to face the music. Better to be honest about it than try to finesse your way out of it. I will talk to her, OK?”

“Harry, I…I broke a lot of rules tonight. One really, really big one!” She confessed worriedly.

“We’ve all been there, yeah? It’ll be fine, OK? A-are you drunk?” He had to ask.

“No, I tried a bit but I didn’t like it.” She confessed lowly and he smiled, “I just pretended.” She said and he chuckled.

“That’s fine you do what makes you comfortable. Now in the meantime, send me your exact location and I’ll go find your mum. I’ll text you when we’re heading over, OK?”

“OK.” She said quietly and after reassuring her few more times they hung up. 

Harry was combing through Grace’s house for Diana and finally, he caught a glimpse of her making her way towards the front door and he rushed through the people in his way.

“Diana!” He called after her. He saw her glance back before she rolled her eyes at him and kept moving more swiftly than before. “Fuck, please excuse me!” He groaned as he forced his way between a group who insisted on talking right by the exit of the house. They all protested as he broke through their little circle and jogged out after her. “Diana, wait!” He shouted as he tried to catch up with her and she came to a screeching halt before turning around, causing him to stumble as he stopped right before he crashed into her.

“What do you want?!” She questioned him with so much irritation that his mind blanked for a second. When everything caught up to him again a second later he sighed.

“Celeste just called me.” Her irritation morphed into concern immediately, “The cops crashed the party and she’s freaking out.” He said and she immediately reached for her purse and frowned when she saw there wasn’t a text or missed call from her or anyone actually.

“Ummm…Ben’s mom is picking them up-”

“Well she called to ask me to pick them up because someone’s too drunk to drive and the car is out by the house and they can’t go back there so they’re stranded-”

“Was it Ruben?” She asked and Harry nodded and he saw her jaw tense, “I’m going to kill her.” She said with frustration as she dug around for her keys.

“I’m gonna have to report that to CPS.” He joked with a grin and she took a break from her searching to glare at him.

“Not the time, Harry.” She seethed.

“Sorry. I know…ummm, she sent me her location.”

“Just text it to me.”

“I’m coming with you.” He said and she shook her head.

“No offense, but I don’t want to be anywhere near you right now. I just need to get to my kid and make sure she’s alright-”

“She’s safe, OK? She didn’t drink, she just made a mistake.”

“This is more than that. She lied to me! She knows she’s not allowed to ride around with Ruben! And he’s not allowed to be driving anyone other than Ben because-”

“OK, deep breaths.” He said reaching for her shoulders and she pushed his arms away.

“Don’t tell me to take deep fucking breaths! I have every right to be angry at her! We had the worst fucking fight over this when school started! And-”

“Diana, I’m sorry but just listen.” He interrupted and she sighed, “Look, she did what she did, we can’t change that now.” He shook his head, “She did the right thing though, she called us for help-”

“She called you because she knows she’d be in trouble if I found out.” She said to him.

“OK, but aren’t you glad that they had the sense to not escape in their car with a drunk driver?” He said and she sighed and shook her head.

“Still, Harry-”

“You have every right to be upset, but that’s not going to fix anything right now. Let’s just go get her, OK? Let’s get her back home and deal with it then.” He appealed. “I’ll come to be a buffer and besides I’m over this party.” He said and she sighed. “You can vent to me the whole way, catch me up on what I don’t know.” He said and she bit her lip pensively for a moment.

“Fine. But I’m dealing with this my way. OK?”

“Yeah, she’s…she’s your daughter.” He said and she nodded.

“C’mon then.” She said lowly before they headed off to their car.

Harry texted Celeste that they were on their way. It was nearly a half an hour drive, the home they had gone to was in hidden hills, quite far from where Diana thought the party was, which was another added layer to the issue. She explained the argument she and Celeste had about Ruben giving her rides and what she had said to her. Harry looked a bit shocked at that and Diana explained how angry and hurt she was about it, even after they had fixed things, she still felt hurt about it when she’d give it some thought.

“Well anyway…the day after that I had made plans to talk with Ben’s dad about this to see if they were even comfortable with having Ruben giving rides out to anyone other than Ben and his girlfriend. Like just for insurance purposes! He’s not even 18 yet, you know?” She explained and Harry nodded as they continued making their way down the 101 North. It felt reminiscent of their failed first date, they were taking the same freeway anyway, “So we went out for some coffee,” upon hearing her say this he started to feel like an idiot, “and he explained that Ruben got two speeding tickets over the summer so he wasn’t allowed to drive anyone but Ben and they would reconsider after his 18th birthday and-”

“Ummm did you…happen to get coffee at Cafe Flores?” He interrupted and she spared him a quick glance.

“That’s the only place I get coffee, Harry.” She said and then he sighed and shook his head in total embarrassment. Even his ears were getting hot as the realization came over him over what he had actually been witnessing. But he wasn’t the only one having realizations over this, when Diana gasped, he knew that she had figured it out, “Wait…is that what you saw?” She asked and he just stayed quiet. “You saw Josh holding my hand over the table while we talked?” She questioned and he was trying to figure out a way in which he could play down the way he’d practically gone off on her earlier in the night, “So you’ve been mad at me this entire time over something you assumed was a date?” She questioned, she glanced over to him, completely amused at this revelation. 

“What else was I supposed to think as you looked at each other like that and held hands?” He finally said. When he glanced over to her she was smiling a bit, “Don’t laugh at me…”

“I’m not. I’m just remembering that I was…talking about you when that happened. We were talking about how I’ve been doing this on my own and Celeste’s apprehension with me dating. And I had just said that I had met someone who I wanted to be with, but it got complicated with Celeste and we had to just not.” She explained and he frowned a bit, “He’s gay.” She said and Harry felt like an even bigger idiot now. 

“And who’s the asshole now…” he mumbled and she sighed.

“You’re not an asshole.” She said, “Well maybe sometimes. But, if I recall correctly I was feeling stupid for complaining about my love life because Josh and his partner, Vincent’s families are homophobic. Ben and Ruben’s mom, Elena, is basically his cover for it.”

“Oh…that’s so awful.” He said and she nodded.

“Yeah. She knows, they were together for ages. Agreed to have a family together because they both wanted that and they would just do their own thing. But then he met Vincent and they started their own life. They’re great coparents, the kids love them all and it’s going really well for them. But anyway, I was just saying how my troubles in love seemed so minimal compared to what he had to go through and how he couldn’t even be this authentic self with his family and that’s when he grabbed my hand and told me to not minimize my struggles in love and assured me that he understood what it was to just sacrifice everything for your kids.”

“Wow…he sounds like a really lovely man.”

“He is. He really is, we became friends really quickly.” She said and he hummed.

“I’m sorry.” He said to her and she just smiled at him before turning her vision back to road. “Really, I am. I feel like I’m always making a total ass of myself around you and it always comes back to haunt me.”

“Just stop jumping to conclusions, Harry.” She said and he sighed.

“Yeah…I should. I just…genuinely can’t wrap my head around how good we would be together and the fact that we can’t have that…”

“I told you that I love you, Harry. I’m not just going to move on from that after a few months. It took a lot for me to just be that vulnerable about my feelings and my wants with you…sometimes I regret it. I feel like if I hadn’t said it, it might be easier to get over, you know? But I said it. I spoke the words and it felt…way too real after that. I was so depressed I was bedridden, Harry.” She said and he frowned as he glanced towards her, not even thinking twice about wiping a tear as it slipped down her cheek.

“I’m really sorry, Di. I am…I’m such a fucking dick.” He said softly and she sighed.

“It’s…fine.” She said softly and he chuckled and shook his head.

“It’s not. I don’t know how to fucking act with you. Like a fucking child.”

“Just a bit.” She said with a smile and he returned her gesture.

“I get now why you’re so angry. This is a lot…in a way your biggest fear.”

“Yeah. Yeah, it is. I had no idea this was even going to be an issue until it was. Like she’s growing up and I’m losing control, I’m losing my say in her life bit by bit and I don’t think I can handle that!” She said and he nodded in understanding.

“I ummm…” he chuckled breathily before he spoke up, “I thought she had butt-dialed me during sex or something when she called because all I could hear was heavy breathing and-”

“No!” Diana groaned as she shook her head and Harry chuckled.

“I was livid.” Harry said with a shake of his hed, “God, I’d never been more ready to tear someone’s head off…” he chuckled. “The sigh of relief I exhaled when she said she had run half a mile to get away from the cops…”

“I mean, that’s still rather awful…” she said.

“Somehow that’s better than her hooking up with someone.” He said and Diana chuckled.

“Yeah, a bit…"

"Talk about feeling like you completely lost the reigns.” He said and she laughed.

“Yeah, I’m not sure that feeling ever goes away.” She said and he smiled.

“I don’t see how it would.” He concurred.

“She told me a few weeks ago about what you talked about last time.” She said and he turned to her.

“I hope that was OK. I just…I hate pretending like I don’t love her for the sake of work.” He said, “I wanted her to understand why I…continued to put distance in between us, you know?” 

“Yeah, I get it. I’m not sure if she’s still thinking about it or if she’s just been distracted with everything she has going on right now. But I mean…I think subconsciously she is choosing to have you in her life as a friend or family or whatever, rather than the limited version of you she gets in therapy.”

“Yeah, I think that would be more meaningful for her too. And ummm…I think I’m kind of done trying to find a way to…to make us work.” He said and she felt her heart twist with hurt and her stomach sink, “Wait, I’m drunk, that came out very different than what I was trying to say in my head.” He chuckled, “Like, obviously, I’m in love with you. But I feel like every time we try it just blows up in our faces, you know?”

“Yeah.” She agreed.

“So my strategy is just that I’m just going to let it be. I can only believe that we’re supposed to be together; it just makes sense. When it’ll happen? I don’t know… and I don’t care. But it will and I’m just going to let it happen in its own time.” He said and Diana felt relief as he said that.

“I think we are too. Supposed to be together.” She confirmed with a smile. “But what if that’s until Celeste is in college?” She asked him and he shrugged nonchalantly.

“Eh, what’s another 2 years?”

“Oh my god…that’s right! Just 2 years.” She said in shock and he smiled.

“Right?!” He chuckled in just as much disbelief, “I mean, there’s no rush though. The only thing that I feel would put any time constraints on us would be if you wanted to have more kids, but I mean, you don’t. I don’t. So we could even wait to be snowbirds together if that’s how you wanted it.” He said and she laughed.

“Definitely don’t want to wait that long to have my love life sorted out.” She giggled and he did as well.

“So ummm…friends?” He asked as he turned to her and she spared him a quick glance with a smile.

“Yeah. Friends.” She confirmed before turning back to the road, “Who are in love with each other.” She added.

“Yeah, tons of friends are in love with each other and they just…exist together without making a mess. We can do it.” He concluded and she smiled.

“We can. We’re adults. We can hang!” She said and he laughed and nodded.

“Yeah, we can.” He agreed. “So, as your friend…how is this situation with Celeste going to play out?” He asked and Diana shook her head.

“I have no idea. God, I hate that she lies though!” Diana groaned as she started to exit the freeway. “Like how can I…take care of her or trust her when she’s lying to me? You know?” He nodded in understanding as she looked both ways before peeling to the right per the directions his phone was giving, “She’s young, I know she wants to try different things and enjoy her youth, but if she does something she’s not supposed to do right now then obviously she’s going to get in trouble over it…like it’s part of the whole thing!”

“That’s what I told her on the phone. I mean, she was begging me to find another way to help her out that didn’t involve you. But I explained to her that sooner or later anything you do wrong just…comes to light and that it’s better to just face it head on than to try and pretend like nothing ever happened and get out of it somehow. I know that she’s smart and that she’s capable of making good decisions, I mean clearly.” He said and she nodded, “But you also need to be accountable for your not so good decisions.”

“Exactly.” She said and he smiled.

“So maybe tell her like that. And…I mean, you’re grounding her for a bit, I presume?”

“Oh definitely.” Diana chuckled as they came to another stop at a traffic light.

“How long we talking here?”

“Like…2 weeks?” She said as she glanced to him.

“That doesn’t seem like long enough…It’s just 2 weeks. Maybe a month?”

“But you said she didn’t drink. She just…lied about the ride thing.”

“True…” he mused pensively. 

“Am I making this bigger than it actually is?” She now questioned all of her anger.

“I don’t know…I mean, she lied about something that you’d both already agreed upon. She understands your reasonings and agreed to follow your rules…” he said and she sighed, “How do people do this? What is she even going to get out of a grounding? Like what privileges are being revoked?” He asked her and she sputtered out a laugh.

“I don’t know! I’ve never had to ground her before!” She exclaimed before they both started laughing for a bit.

“Well who is putting these ideas in her head? Is it the boyfriend? Because if so-”

“I don’t want to do that to her…take away someone meaningful to her? My parents did it to me. I mean, I hadn’t done anything wrong, it was just their…racism, but it’s just wrong in my eyes. To take away someone’s love and support from another person, that’s not a privilege.” She said to him and he smiled.

“Yeah, you’re right. Scratch that.” Harry said, “God, this is way too hard.”

“It so is!”

“Imagine how parents who have kids who are consistently challenging their rules? Like you run out of things to ground them over right? Like…how?”

“I guess so? But I’m thinking No hanging out outside of school stuff and no allowance for two weeks. Can’t take her phone or laptop, she’ll need those.”

“Right…” Harry chuckled, “You’ve done really well with her, Di. I mean, I think it’d be good to figure out why she felt like she needed to lie about this?” He said and she hummed. “Sure, I’ve been out of the loop for a bit, but from what I’ve seen you’ve always shown her that you’re willing to listen first, so there’s no reason for her to lie. Most people lie to avoid some sort of negative consequence. She could just be…scared of what you might do if she breaks a rule. And just the fact that she’s breaking the rule is so scary to her?” He tried to think of some motive.

“Yeah, like she immediately lies instead of trying to argue for a compromise to a rule that maybe she doesn’t agree with. Like this thing about Ruben not being able to drive her.”

“Right. Like it’s a big deal for you and it could be that this is more of a rule for your own peace of mind, you know? And she might feel like it’s not as serious as you might think it is.”

“Yeah, and I recognize that it is more for me. But his parents have also put up a boundary about him driving others around, so even if I agreed to let him give her rides, he still can’t until his parents say it’s OK.” She explained, “Which they haven’t so…”

“Yeah, so come at it from that perspective. Try and figure out why she thinks it’s not a fair rule, you know?” He suggested.

“Yeah, OK.” She hummed as they go a bit closer, “Thank you, Harry.”

“Of course.” He smiled, “You’re gonna make a left up here and they should be…oh, there they are.” He chuckled as he saw the four kids sitting on the sidewalk looking absolutely cold and miserable. “Maybe this was punishment enough.” He mused and she chuckled as she made a u-turn to come up beside them. As soon as they realized it was her they stood up.

“Sorry guys, it’s gonna be a tight fit.” Diana said as Celeste opened up the back door.

“S’alright we’ll fit.” Heather, Ruben’s girlfriend assured her, “I can just sit on your lap, babe. That way we can buckle up.” They heard her say to Ruben who agreed as Celeste slid in first and then Ben in the middle. As Heather and Ruben got situated Celeste glanced over to Harry, he turned to say to her and Ben, she looked so anxious and scared. They all were, it was eerily quiet as they made their way back home. It was so awkward that Diana ended up handing her phone to Harry so that he could pick some music to play on the drive. But eventually Ruben fell asleep, he was the one that was a bit trashed. And everyone else seemed to be sober.

“Guys, we’re almost home. Does anyone need any food?” Diana asked. Heather begged them to please stop by the in-n-out and she ordered herself and Ruben some food, everyone else was fine. And after that little detour they were coming to slow stop in front of Elena’s house.

“Do you need me to take you home, Heather?”

“No, it’s alright. My sister should be here in a few minutes.” She said to Diana.

“OK.” She smiled and they started getting out of the car. 

“M’gonna use the bathroom. Can’t hold it!” Celeste said before getting out of her side and hurrying off to the dark house with Ben. Diana put the car in park, waiting and watching as Heather and Ruben split up their food. Not even a minute later another car was coming up the street and Heather kissed Ruben before waving goodbye to her and Harry before she got in the car and they took off. Then Ruben came over and Diana scrolled her window down.

“Miss Beltran, I’m so sorry for this. I wasn’t planning on drinking since I’m in the middle of season, but we were playing this game and-”

“It happens, Ruben. You guys did the right thing calling for help.” She assured and he nodded.

“Ummm, also I wasn’t going to drive. But my mom had to cover a shift at the last minute and made an exception to let me drive just this once. I didn’t know that Celeste didn’t mention that to you when she found out. Not to place any blame on her, but if I had known that she was nervous to tell you that I would’ve made sure that my mom talked to you before she left for work. I swear, that’s how it all went down, I just don’t want her to get in trouble.” He said.

“Thanks for explaining, Ruben. I’m just glad that you’re all safe.” She said and he smiled and said goodnight before heading inside. Just seconds later Celeste and Ben were coming back outside. He walked her up to the car and opened the door for her and hugged her before letting her slip inside.

“Thank you for coming to get us ,Miss Beltran. I’m really sorry about this whole thing.” He said nervously. Even the fact that he was calling Diana “Miss Beltran” was an indicator that he was beyond nervous. He’d stopped calling her that for a while now.

“That’s alright, Ben.” She assured with a smile and he just gave one last wave and a goodnight to the three of them before he hurried inside and Celeste just exhaled shakily. “Ummm, off to yours?” Diana asked Harry.

“Yeah, we can go through a back way from this street.”

“Oh, OK. Just tell me where to go.” She said and he guided her though until they were pulling up to his house. “Well ladies, thank you.” He said and Diana smiled.

“Yeah, of course.” She hummed and he stepped out and dug around his pockets before frowning, “What’s wrong?”

“I left my keys and wallet in Grace’s room.” He groaned as he felt around his pockets again just in case.

“Oh, well we have a guest bedroom. You can crash and we can get your stuff tomorrow, yeah?”

“I don’t want to be a bother.”

“You’re not.” She assured him. “Is that OK with you Celeste?” Diana asked, glancing back to her and she looked up to her from her phone and then to Harry.

“Yeah, that’s fine.” She smiled.

“Hop in then.” Diana smiled at him and he settled back into the car and they made their way back to their house. 

As soon as they made it in Diana told Celeste that she wanted to have a talk with her and to just get ready for bed. Diana was searching for some clothes Harry could borrow to sleep in and well, she did find some that would fit. She showed him to the guest bathroom  upstairs so that he could change and wash up, she left him an extra toothbrush as well and she busied herself with turning down the bed in the guest room and bringing him an extra blanket in case he got a little cold. Harry came into the room right as she was setting the extra blanket down on the corner of the bed.

“Oh, just in case you get cold or something.”

“Perfect, thanks.”

“Can I get you any water?”

“I can get it. I’ll take a bit so you can have that chat with Celeste.” He said and she smiled.

“OK, thanks. And thank you again for everything tonight.”

“I hope it made up for me being a jealous prick.” He said softly and she giggled.

“Yeah, definitely did.” She nodded and he smiled.

“Good. OK, I’ll ummm disappear. Text me when you’re done, yeah?” She nodded and he made his way down stairs as Diana took a few steps over to Celeste’s door and knocked.

“Come in!” She called and Diana stepped inside and closed the door quietly behind her. Celeste was already on her bed, holding one of her decorative pillows in her lap, picking at the woven in beading anxiously.

“Hey, you alright?” Diana asked as she took a seat beside her and Celeste nodded and cast her eyes down. “What’s going on?” She asked her softly and Celeste sighed, “Why did you lie to me about Elena driving you guys?”

“She got called in last minute and told Ruben he could take us-”

“I know, Ruben told me while you were inside. But why didn’t you text me just to let me know there was a change in plans?” She asked

“I don’t know…I got nervous that you would change your mind about me being able to go to the party. Or say he couldn’t drive us in case he got drunk or something-”

“Which he did.” Diana said and Celeste frowned. 

“Ben said he doesn’t really drink at parties, this was the first time he drank like this.” She explained.

“So before the cops showed up what was your plan to get home safely by curfew?” Diana asked and Celeste sighed.

“I…I don’t know.” She confessed. 

“Mamita, lying about things like this is the worst thing you could do. Something as simple as a party can go terribly wrong and put you in situations that could compromise your safety. And not just yours, Ben’s, Ruben’s, Heather’s, and any of your other friends!” Diana explained, trying her best to keep her emotions regulated. She could see the tears forming in Celeste’s eyes and the anxiety radiating off of her was palpable. “Sometimes, telling the truth can be scary, but has there ever been a time where you have…tried to communicate something to me and I’ve just…dismissed you?” She asked and Celeste took a moment to think before she shook her head.

“I don’t think so.” She said softly.

“OK, so what makes you think or feel like I wouldn’t listen to you when it comes to stuff like this?” She asked, “I mean, I said yes to this party that was just for upperclassmen, didn’t I?” Diana asked and Celeste nodded. “Then trust me. Communicate with me, mamita! I just want what’s best for you and your friends. And I’m sure their parents feel the exact same way.” She said and Celeste sniffled as her tears finally started to fall. “Hey, don’t cry.” She said reaching for her hand. 

“I’m sorry.” She sniffled.

“I know you are. And look, the thing with Ruben, I mean…it’s his parents’ rule that he can’t be driving anyone around right now. I know that I…have a very specific fear about this and I need to learn to overcome that, especially as you get older and gain more independence, but that’s their rule. And if they made an exception then all you needed to do was let me know. Exceptions can happen. And I’ve gotten to know Ruben a bit more and he’s very responsible and sweet, I would’ve been OK with it just for tonight and probably figured out a plan B with you guys beforehand in case he drank too much. Especially knowing that his parents aren’t available.” She explained and Celeste nodded. “But despite the turn of events I’m glad you guys are all safe and sound and I’m glad you called Harry.” She said and Celeste smiled.

“He told me to own up.” She giggled through her sniffle and Diana smiled.

“Yeah, it’s important to own up when you’ve made a mistake. You’re really good at that, and I admire you for it. And yeah, it can be scary and difficult sometimes, but there’s nothing more important than being accountable for your choices and actions. And I hope that in the future you choose to be more honest with me when you’re in trouble. I mean, I don’t think that any of my rules are…unreasonable, but if you feel like something I’ve set up feels that way then please let me know. We can talk about it, come to an agreement perhaps, and other times I might just tell you that I’m not changing my mind and you’ll just have to accept that sometimes.”

“I know.” She mumbled.

“And look, I know that Ben is a great young man, and in having this relationship with him you’ll want more space and privacy. But I’ve noticed that after being with him you’ve started to lie more or to omit information and that’s not OK, Celeste. I don’t want to ever tell you that you can’t spend time with someone that’s important to you. That wouldn’t be right of me and besides, you’d just sneak around and it’ll be a mess! But I want you to understand that more freedom means more responsibility. If you want more space, more independence, more privacy, more of my trust, you need to show me that you are capable of being responsible. I know you already are with everything you have going on, but this is another layer to it. And the layers of things you’re responsible for will keep increasing until you’re a full-fledged adult and can call your own shots. It’s my job as your parent, to ensure that you have the ability to take ownership of your life and this is part of that. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah.” She nodded.

“So, I…don’t really know how to punish you because, I’ve never had to do this before…” Diana said and Celeste chuckled, “I’ve decided you’re grounded for two weeks. So no stuff outside of school and no allowance. I think that’s rather fair.” Diana said and Celeste frowned but kept quiet and nodded.

“Yeah, that’s fair.” She finally said. “Does that mean we can’t give Ben rides home from school when Ruben has practice?”

“Well that just messes with his schedule too, so he can still come over, but weekends you’ll be home with me. Doing… things. Chores.”

OK.” She agreed, “If I’m really good can we cut down the time?”

“No. You should be grateful it’s two weeks, Harry said a month.” Diana informed and Celeste’s eyes went wide.

“A month?!” She scoffed.

“Well, he doesn’t have kids so…he doesn’t know how hard it’d be to have a teenager on house arrest for a month.” She said and Celeste giggled.

“Yeah, two weeks is fine. I’m happy with two weeks.” She said quickly and Diana chuckled.

“I love you. Always.”

“I love you too. I’m sorry for lying.”

“Just don’t do it again.” She said and Celeste nodded, “Did you at least have fun at the party?”

“Yeah…I mean, one of the girls had me try her drink and it was…so gross. So I just made a fake one since they wanted to play beer pong.” She confessed and Diana smiled, “I was surprisingly good at that. A lot of the games were fun.” She said and Diana nodded. “But ummm…I’m a bit traumatized now…like I know I might look athletic but I’m not. And if every party is going to get crashed by cops I’d rather not go again until I’m fit enough to run half a mile uphill to hide from the cops.” She chuckled and Diana laughed along with her.

“Yeah, parties weren’t my thing. It was very messy…only started to go spring semester with your dad. He made it fun though, people wouldn’t force me to drink or do anything I didn’t want because of him. But ummm, yeah s’just something to get used to! And well, if you try again and absolutely hate it, you really don’t have to go to parties.” Diana said and Celeste nodded.

“Right.” She agreed. With that she got into bed and Diana made her way out of the bedroom and downstairs to grab her own glass of water before heading back up to her room.

When she got down there Harry was sitting at the kitchen island, scrolling through his phone with a bowl of food before him. She smiled at the sight. She imagined this is what he would look like after a long day of work when he just needed to have a chat about something that had happened with a client or in class. They could sit and talk, vent, discuss…whatever he needed. And she could just see herself gently scratching his back and listening attentively to everything he had to say. She’d finally have the chance to be there for him, the way he had been for her. When Harry noticed her lingering by the entrance of the kitchen smiling at him, he glanced over.

“Sorry, made myself at home. Got the munchies, should’ve taken advantage of our In-n-Out pit stop.” He admitted and she smiled.

“That’s alright.”

“It’s good, whatever this is.” He said as he looked down at the bowl and she walked over and peeked down at it.

“Oh, tallarines verdes.” She smiled.

“Mexican food?”

“Peruvian. Basically Peruvian pesto.”

“Yeah, it’s fucking delicious. I might finish it. Is that alright?”

“Yeah, of course. Celeste clearly didn’t like ‘em as much as you did, so please.” She insisted, “Should I get ‘em out?”

“Please. How’d it go?” He asked as she pulled the container from the fridge.

“Really good. I even pulled out something about how I understand that she wants more independence and privacy now that she has her little boyfriend, but in order for me to give her more of that she needs to prove to me that she’s responsible enough for more freedom. Just…pulled that out of thin air!” Diana said as she just stuck the Tupperware in the microwave.

“Oh…that’s really fucking good. I’m gonna use that.” He said and she giggled. “Good improv.”

“That’s literally parenting, all improv. Like you read all these books and understand all these theories and approaches but you just end up doing your own thing. Every child is just so different, you know?” She said and he hummed. “I may have… thrown you and your punishment suggestion under the bus to make the two weeks grounding sound less daunting. So sorry in advance.” She said and he chuckled.

“That’s fine. You needed the win.” He hummed and she smiled. When the microwave beeped she grabbed the container and just dropped the rest of the noodles into his bowl. “Thank you.”

“Yeah, of course.” She hummed before heading over to wash it.

“I’ve got that, don’t worry.” Harry said immediately when he realized she was cleaning up after him.

“Oh no, it’s OK.” She assured and quickly washed it before serving herself her tall glass of water. “Alright, just call me or knock on the door if you need anything, OK?”

“OK. Thank you. Good night.”

“Night!” She smiled and headed up stairs.

**********

Y/N had slept better than she had in a long time, she woke up feeling like everything was alright. And it was, with Celeste and with Harry. She felt like she’d done a great job of communicating her needs and had been heard and things could only get better from there. And as she laid in bed, contemplating when to get up she realized that she smelled something delicious and immediately went to wash up before throwing on her robe and getting into her slippers to head down stairs. The more steps she descended the clearer she could hear him singing along to the music he was playing from his phone, currently that was “Just the Two of Us” by Bill Withers and Grover Washington Jr. She smiled as she came into the kitchen to see him drizzling some pancake mix onto the hot griddle.

“Morning!” She said and he jumped a bit in surprise.

“Jesus!” He gasped and she laughed.

“Sorry.” She apologized through her smile and he just chuckled and turned his eyes back down to the stove.

“Sure you are…”

“What’s all this?”

“I just wanted to do something nice for you guys.” He said and she smiled.

“You’re too sweet, thank you. It smells amazing.” She hummed.

“Thank you.” He smiled.

And yes, it did smell amazing, Celeste had woken up just moments after her mom. She figured she was making breakfast, but then remembered that she typically slept in on Sundays and that Harry had stayed over…meaning he was probably the one cooking up whatever delicious scent was wafting up from the kitchen. So she sprung out of bed and washed up before quietly making her way down the steps. The closer down she got the clearer the music he was playing became and the chatter between him and her mom. She stayed around the corner to eavesdrop just a bit and she was thanking him for talking her down from losing her shit on her last night. Celeste smiled because he had promised her that he would talk it out with her mom and he had done just that.

“Oh my god, I love this song!” Her mom suddenly groaned.

“Me too! You’ve seen “My Best Friend’s Wedding”, right?” He asked and she scoffed.

“Of course! I’ve seen every Julia Roberts film. She’s literally the perfect woman.”

“Right! Fucking breathtaking…” he mumbled and then they started singing.

The moment I wake up before I put on my makeup (makeup) - I say a little prayer for you.

And while combing my hair now and wondering what dress to wear now (wear now) - I saw a little prayer for you…

Suddenly she heard her mom squeal and she snuck a little peak to see Harry grab her and spin her around before he just started dancing with her as they sang loudly to the chorus.

Forever, forever you’ll stay in my heart and I will love you.

Forever and ever we never will part. Oh, how I love you.

Together, together that’s how it must be to live without you would only mean heartbreak for me! 

“Oh my god, don’t drop me!” She laughed as he dipped her low.

“I would never!” He chuckled, “You trust me with your child but not with your life?” He asked playfully.

“Oh, my life is on the line?” She questioned and he chuckled and then helped her straighten out as they laughed.

Celeste found herself smiling from ear to ear as she watched them continue singing into the second verse. Harry was using the spatula in his hand as a mic as he sang to her mom and she just looked at him in amusement.

“Your pancake is burning.” She said to him and he turned around quickly and saw it smoking more than normal and hurried to flip it over as she laughed a bit. 

Celeste snuck back around the corner, trying to keep herself composed before making her entrance. Her mom was asking him if he wanted some coffee to which he said yes, but they continued singing as they did their own tasks. Celeste could feel her heart racing in her chest at what she’d just seen. She didn’t expect to feel as happy about that as she had…but it was sweet. And maybe if Harry was around more they could all have more moments like this together. What if Harry started to like her mom and then…well, if it worked out she could have two parents who obviously loved her and cared about her. They were two good looking people…they would make a cute couple, wouldn’t they? And who better to date her mom than someone that she knew wouldn’t try to just take her from her. Harry knew her concerns about her mom dating, so he would be mindful of those things…and just like that she had decided that it was time to fire Harry as her therapist.

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[fastandtheformula1]

“aw. did i wear you out love?” W/George Russell, like reader and him fucked after a longggg time

George Russell- Subspace 

a/n: aftercare george >>>>  anyways hope you like it!

pairing : george russell x female!reader

Summary: george takes care of you after a long fucking session

Warnings: smut, cursing, stress, george being george

Word count: 523

not my gif!

~  

You needed a break. Work had been really stressful for the past few months, and your normal outlets weren’t working. Exercising wasn’t as much fun as you’d hoped and your other hobbies had started to become dull. You were getting frustrated to say the least. 

When you arrived home to your shirtless boyfriend after work, it was game over for you. You slammed your lips against his, moans and gasps shared between you two. You headed to the bedroom, him picking you up and throwing you on the bed. His hands slid up and down your body as his lips attached to your neck, leaving dark purple spots that you knew you wouldn’t be able to hide the next morning. Clothes were torn off of each other as George propped your legs up on the edge of the bed. He got on his knees, eating you out as you gripped his hair, feeling your stress and worry melt away from you. You came on his tongue, breathless and in need for more. George then repositioned you two so he had your back against his chest and his fingers inside you, your legs shaking as you writhed against them, practically fucking yourself on them. He coaxed a few orgasms out of you along with a few more hickeys. After feeling all fucked out, he rolled on top of you and hooked your legs on his hips. He fucked you so hard that you felt like you were barely conscious. 

It was exactly what you needed. 

You fell into a subspace, which was not uncommon after George would use you and make you feel good. Your body was buzzing and warm; your body felt like a furnace. He had left to get a warm towel to clean you up, and when he returned, you were quietly mumbling to yourself, a sign to him that you were in a subspace. 

“Aww, did I wear you out, love?” George said, brushing a piece of hair out of your face. You simply nodded, his Britishness and lovingness seemingly more prominent as it was ten minutes ago. He spread your legs open to clean you, but you stopped him and closed your legs, leaving a confused look on his face. 

“George, please. I can’t-” Everything around ou was hazy, and you certainly couldn’t take anymore of what George was planning on doing to you. 

“Oh, baby, don’t worry. We’re done now, hmm?” He said, gently placing a kiss on your knee. “Just want to clean you up is all,” He says, his voice low and raspy. 

“Oh, ok,” The words seemed to come out on their own. 

You let him open you up again, your legs spazzing when he wiped too close to your pussy, causing a quiet moan to fall from your lips. He placed a chaste kiss on your stomach, quickly leaving you to discard the towel. He rejoins you in bed and slides in next to you, wrapping you up in his arms. You try to get any words out you can, but he knows you can’t after a session like this. 

“Shh, baby. ‘S’okay. Tell me tomorrow.”

#gr #georgerussell #formula 1 smut #f1 #formula one #formulaonesmut

[butmakeitgayblog]

Do you have some more Medusa au snippets to share 👉👈

Ok but it's unedited

Medusa and the Blind Woman

////////////////////////

Lexa breaks the surface of the cooling water. Feels the sun-warmed air caress her face as she treads the rock of the sea. It's more bearable now, the pleasant mix of ocean salt and island stagnant heat. She wades inward up the sandbank to the shore, pausing at the sight of Clarke sat right where she'd left her and fighting with the impulse to cover her nudity  before remembering that's not at all necessary. Logically, she knows this, though she still feels the rush of pink that blots her cheeks as she curls her arms around her waist and slushes up to the beach in hurried steps. 

"Where'd you go?" Clarke calls as soon as Lexa's only a few feet away, blue eyes drifting toward the sound of water lapping around Lexa's ankles as she keeps her distance and uses her trusty shred of cloth to wick away the rivulets of water running down her face. 

"For a swim." Lexa tosses the rag down to cushion herself, drawing on the fresh shift she'd laid out before in and settles into her seat beside Clarke in the sand. "I like to take a dip after a long afternoon. Rinse off the sweat. Slowly relax the muscles."

The moment feels awkward when all Clarke does is nod and continues braiding a few pieces of beach grass. 

"You could… go with me next time," Lexa says, halting and stilted even in her own ears. "If you'd like."

Clarke turns just enough for Lexa to catch the barest hint of a smirk. "Thanks for the invite, but uh, I'll most definitely have to decline."

"Next time, though. Another afternoon. Maybe you'll feel up to it then."

"Doubtful."

"Why just say no? You don't know how you'll feel then."

Blonde hair gets shook loose and back from her face as Clarke lifts her head from her work, turning toward Lexa to show the full breadth of her smile. "For starters, I don't know how to swim."

All Lexa can manage is a few owlish blinks. "I... I beg your pardon?"

"Oh. I didn't take you for the begging type."

An unseen roll of her eyes is all Lexa can muster as she chooses to ignore that comment entirely. "How can you not know how to swim? You're on an island. Surrounded by water."

Clarke exclaims in faux surprise over poorly contained laughter. "No! Really? Here I just thought the flooding season was bad."

Lexa fails to find the humor. "I was referring to the fact that you sailed here. Poorly, albeit, but sailed nonetheless. How could you possibly manage that without being able to swim?"

"Mm. Well, I didn't so much sail as determinedly drifted in the general direction they pointed my boat, and prayed for the best. Hence my graceful entrance." Clarke gives her one last fleeting glimpse of her rueful smile and turns back to the suddenly consuming work of twining blades of grass. "That's rather different from swimming."

"But that still doesn't entirely answer my question."

Clarke's fingers pause in their rhythmic pattern. "They didn't think my learning to swim was a priority growing up," she says after a moment, so hushed Lexa can barely hear her over the lapping waves beyond them. "When I lost my sight, everyone just… stopped paying any mind to teaching me things like that. And after a while, I stopped asking as well. Instead I just learned to figure things out as best I could as I went."

Lexa watches her let out a slow breath, shoulders rising and falling under the weight of thoughts she doesn't share.

The moment passes on a shrug, small and with no heart behind it as Clarke carries on with the delicate twists of her fingers. 

The thought of Clarke, this loud and boisterous and borderline obnoxious woman slowly closing herself off settled like a stone in her mind. Anger rose up inside of her, the one that curdled and soured deep in the pit of her stomach every time she thought of the people who'd sent this woman here to do their bidding.

Or be lost in the fray trying. 

The implications of Clarke's words make Lexa feel restless in her skin, mind working with great visions of revenge. Of scolding words and swift acts of vengeance. Of finding each person who'd cast Clarke aside as some nuisance, as not with their time, as some annoyance akin to a bothersome fly, and explaining to them exactly how deluded they are. 

Forcefully. 

She watches Clarke's profile for a moment longer, feeling the somber beat of her heart as her eyes trace the slope of her cheek and the cleft of her chin, the way lashes flutter in the gentle breathes of wind.

"I could teach you," she offers, the words out before she can give it much thought. Because in the few scant moments that had passed in silence, she'd decided the resigned calm that has settled over Clarke's sun-kissed features simply would not do.

Clarke straightens with a laugh.

She thinks Hercules himself would scoff at her efforts not to blush at the immediate thought that floods her; that somehow, Clarke is even more beautiful when she smiles.

"Excuse me?" Clarke says around a snort. "You're going to have to repeat yourself, I think I just hallucinated you being kind."

Lexa clears her throat at the wriggling that's taken up residence low in her belly and looks back out over to the safer rip tides of the water. "I said I could teach you to swim. If you want."

"And why would you want to do that?"

"You're surrounded by water, Clarke," Lexa reasons with a useless gesture toward the sea. "Being on an island and not knowing how to swim is… Well. It's almost as stupid as living in a cave and wearing threadbare sandals."

The comment earns her a rogue handful of grass blades thrown directly in her face. "You're an ass," the little criminal says in the aftermath of her assualt. 

"I'm right though," Lexa says, barely able to temper the sound the smile in her words that she tries (and fails) to bite back. "And it would be easy enough, I'm sure. I used to teach the children in the village by the temple. I can't imagine teaching you would be any different… The intrinsic difficulties in your personality and agreeableness aside."

Clarke scoffs and lounges back on the beach to rest her weight on her palms. "You using this as an opportunity to insult me really doesn't bode well as foreshadowing."

Lexa snorts and leans back as well. 

Mirrors her position in the sand. 

"So?"

"So?"

"So swimming lesson tomorrow?"

Clarke sucks in a deep breath, ribs bowing and collapsing with a force that Lexa absolutely does not trace from the corner of her eyes, before Clarke finally lets a hum. "I suppose it couldn't hurt… And if you insist."

"If you don't want to—"

"No," Clarke cuts her off as her head snaps around. "You already set the plan. I'm being dragged along, but this is still very much your plan. You can't just cancel your own plan, so… I guess I don't have a choice, do I."

The feigned weariness of her voice has Lexa hiding a smile into her shoulder and burying traitorous wiggling toes deeper in the sand. "Right. Well then. I'll wake you up at sunrise—"

"Sunrise?" Clarke practically yelps with a look of horrified devastation. "Are you insane?"

"The waves here tend to be at their most calm in the morning," Lexa explains. 

"Sunrise, though? No. Forget it."

"Clarke."

"I don't need to learn how to swim. I do need my beauty sleep."

Lexa laughs and shakes her head. "Believe me, you do not."

She doesn't realize what she's said until blue eyes turn soft, teeth racking at the pink swathe of Clarke's lower lip as Clarke looks to bite back a smile.

With another coughed clearing of her throat Lexa sits up, nodding to herself as she brushes her hands together to rid herself of the suddenly annoying grit of sand and grass that clings to them. "Right, so. Tomorrow morning then."

#clexa #anon #medusa au #BUT THAT'S IT #no more #i want it to be fun when it posts 🥺 #it can't be sweet and hot and lovely and devastating if it's all spoiled so

[katethewriter]

Something fluffy huh? Hmmm how about reader comforting her girlfriend wanda when it seems like the whole world is against her. Feel like she’d always hold wanda tight and say “no matter what you do or become, I will always be on your side”

You Are More

Pairing: Wanda x Reader

Words: 1k~

Warnings: insecure/self-deprecating thoughts, people are mean, Wanda needs a hug, if I missed any please let me know

A/N: Thank you so much for the prompt!!! I hope you like it! Also, Reader is an enhanced. She has the ability to harness and manipulate electricity.

“How is she doing?"

You've just returned from a four-day solo mission, only to learn of the incident in Lagos. You're heart breaks for your girlfriend, who you know must be tearing herself to pieces.

Since the day she joined this team, she has done everything possible to make up for and repair the damage she took part in as a Hydra participant.

... and you know this is enough to break her.

"As well as can be expected, she's barely left her room," Steve smiles sadly, "this is as much my fault as it is hers. I should have-“

You are sure to cut him off quickly, "hey, none of that. This is no one's fault… except Rumlow’s. It was an accident." You pat the super soldier on the back comfortingly. "I'm gonna go check on her," you go straight to you and your girlfriend's shared bedroom.

When you peer through the doorway, you see her.

Wanda sits defeatedly on the bed, endlessly flipping between news stations, all of them covering the bombing. Each reporter that fills the screen has worse and worse things to say about the woman you love.

You're heart breaks more at every remark. What angers you the most is that these people don't even know Wanda, not personally, not like the team does and certainly not like you do. If they actually knew her, knew where her heart and intentions lie, they wouldn't being saying these things on international television for literally everyone and Wanda to hear.

The TV goes blank as you use your powers to turn it off. You had heard more than enough.

"Don't watch that," you speak softly, walking over to the bed and sitting beside her.

Wanda can't meet your eyes. She stares at her hands sorrowfully, "turning it off won't stop them from talking about me."

Reaching out, you move her hair away from her face and stroke her cheek delicately, "they don't know you."

"They're still right," Wanda quickly swats away a tear before it can fall, "I'm a monster."

"No, you are no-"

"I am," she shakes her head. "Think about it," she prompts, "the only reason Hydra selected me, gave me these powers was to hurt people." The sokovian motions towards the TV, ",,,and now I've done just that."

Your lip trembles at the way she is talking about herself. "Do you think I am a monster?"

For the first time since you've entered the room, Wana looks at you. She's almost too shocked to answer the question, "you're the best person I know. You could never be a monster."

"I was given my powers for the exact same reason, by the exact same people," you look deep into her eyes, hoping to reach her, "if that doesn't make me a monster, then neither are you."

Wanda smiles sadly, "but you never used your powers to hurt someone-"

"But I could," you interrupt her, "all it would take is one lapse in focus. One slip and I could electrocute an entire swimming pool or start a wild fire. What if I accidentally cut the power on an aircraft midflight; would you think I was a monster then?"

The witch furrows her brow, "no, that would have been an accident."

"and so was this," you take her hands into your own, "this was an accident. You were trying to help people, and you made a mistake." You gently wipe a tear that falls down her cheek.

"Wanda, you are more, so much more, than the worst mistake you've ever made. This does not define who or what you are. Ok?"

You wait for her to nod, but it takes a while. You can practically see her mind running around trying to rewrite her self-perception and absorb your words.

There is a small shift in her demeanor, and you know you've at least partially gotten through to her. Wanda gives you a weak smile but says nothing.

"As for your powers," you shift closer to wrap her in your arms, "I know they have done some pretty amazing things." Pressing a kiss to her shoulder, you begin to explain, "your magic saved countless lives in Sokovia. It helped you stop Ultron before he destroyed the world. When I was locked away in a Hydra cell, strapped to a table as they turned me into a battery, draining me," your voice cracks at the mention of your worst memories, "you were the one who came back for me. You saved me, and a monster would never do that."

Wanda finally begins to relax into you. Her own arms raise to hold you as close as possible. “I don’t know what’s going to happen,” she whispers shakily, “some of them want to lock me in a cage.”

You pull away a bit to look into her eyes, “you know Steve would never let them.”

Her lips tremble in fear, “what if he doesn’t have a say?”

Silence fills the air.

You struggle to find what to say. Something is coming. There’s no way around that; too many people are demanding change.

There’s no way to know if any of you will have a say.

“Come here,” you scoot back on the bed until you’re leaning against the headboard. You open your arms for Wanda to crawl into.

She buries herself into while you hold her so tight that you never want to let go.

You start to run your hand through her hair to help soothe her the best you can, “I don’t know, but you know what I do know?”

Wanda looks up to you with her beautiful doe eyes, “what?”

Cupping her cheek softly, you promise, “no matter what happens, no matter what you do or become, I will always be on your side.”

#wanda x reader #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximov x reader #fem!reader #enhanced!reader #Wanda needs a hug #slight angst #hurt/comfort #Wanda #Wanda maximoff #Wanda maximov #MCU #k hits 1k!

[amrass]

Fanfiction updates and excerpts 09.01.24

I am still sort of burned out, so taking it slow, but wanted to update any readers on my projects. I have settled on four main works, all for RDR2, two small crack fics and two smut fics (Arthur/Micah/Dutch, and Colm/Micah).

Info and excerpts under the cut!

Love Letters. Crack. Unexpected twoshot about the gang drawing dicks on the face of a certain sleeping rat. Part one is up!

"Oh," Grimshaw said, frowning at Micah's face, dirtied with something other than dirt. "Well. It's not my job to wash men who are that level of unwashed. But ..." In a swift, elegant movement, she pulled a fountain pen out from her hairdo. She wielded her pen like a knife, and the onlookers blinked at the added details to Micah's face, and an awed "Ahh" went through them, together with polite clapping. "Someone forgot the balls on that one," Grimshaw said.

Moral Tinnitus. Crack. Half finished oneshot where Arthur can hear the honor bell. This is even sillier than Love Letters, often breaking the fourth wall, with weird physics.

Arthur stood stock still when Dutch started rummaging around in his beard. After some shuffling about, he grasped two section of voluminous hair as if pulling apart theater curtains. Deep inside the beard was a familiar form, the sheer compactness of his squatting making Micah's earlier yoga positions seem like child's play.

 "Trelawny! You rascal, what are you doing inside Arthur's beard?"

"I'm hiding from the law, old friend."

Scotch, Cream and Rum. Smut threeshot, Arthur/Micah/Dutch. My first attempt at PWP, and it will be about 10 - 15k words. First part is done, but I want to finish the second to estimate the action curve lol. So far it is like 4000 words of a competitive blowjob ...

Micah had to breathe at some point, taking a break to swallow back spit. But it wasn't a true break, because he left a trail of kisses around the head of Dutch's cock, pulling back the foreskin and panting against the sensitive skin beneath, which Arthur would've never thought to do.

"You're truly ... remarkable at this, aren't you?" Dutch said.

"You're the remarkable one, Dutch."

Arthur thought he might puke.

Micah must've sensed it somehow, because the reverence in his eyes deadened as they slid to the side. "Your turn, tough guy," he said, holding Dutch's cock like they were boys sharing a stolen cigar behind a garden shed.

Salt. Previously titled Perfect Night. Colm/Micah pre-canon sugar daddy AU, multichapter kinkfest? Part 1 is done, but this is still changing a lot, and after 200k words on writing Micah as a secondary character, he is letting me write from his perspective!!! Their villainous chemistry is off the charts. Warning: DARK CONTENT

He didn't get far before pain engulfed him, so intense it took a moment to realize it came from Colm squeezing his balls. Pride leaked through his mouth in a high, undignified sound, until they became numb. It was worse when Colm loosened the hold. Blood flooded back and Micah almost went to his knees, but Colm steadied him, one hand finding his erection through the fabric. Micah felt distant to his own arousal, closer to the pain.

"Knew it," Colm said. Casual, he undid Micah’s jeans, pulling them down just enough to expose him. The glove was around him was softer than a callused hand. "No underwear, kitten? That's gotta chafe. You’re such a pain slut."

"Queer piece of shit geezer."

"Sure. But you can call me sir, if you wanna."

^^ bonus crack variation of this dynamic

Colm: I'll steal all your secrets, I’ll make you love me, I’ll wrangle your true submission out of you

Micah: ok boomer

… Thanks for reading!

#amras writes #i’m daring to post this in the ship tags but not the main ones lol #morbell #vandermorgan #vanderbell #idk if colm/micah has a ship name #drisbell #is my contribution

[starablin]

Warden Ingo Cosplay Build Log

Hey Legends Arceus / Submas / Pokémon fans ! I spent two months last year making a Warden Ingo costume because the game made me fall in love with the franchise all over again (and because I love sad amnesia uncle, of course). I'm pretty proud of it, so I thought it'd be fun to share the process here in painstaking details. I've been cosplaying for over a decade now and I learned a bunch from so many defunct cosplay tutorials on this website, so I thought I'd give back. This isn't a guide, persay, but rather a dive into the methods and decisions I picked to complete this project. Any pre-made items or patterns that are available online will be linked! I'll be splitting down each piece of the costume into its own section for easier reading. This is gonna be a long one with a bunch of pictures, so I'd suggest viewing on the blog directly! Without further ado, all aboard!

Station 0: The Guidelines

Before getting into the build itself, I wanted to preface this wall of text with the guidelines I set myself for this project.These core pillars inform a lot of the decision-making, and some people might feel like using this log as reference for their own cosplays, so I thought it'd be good to put them here to explain why I did some stuff the way I did. Comfort first: I knew I was gonna wear it in the summer, and stand around all day at a convention, so it needed to be lightweight and comfortable. (well, as much as a cosplay can be, anyways.) Realism: Ok, that's kinda weird to associate "realism" to a Pokémon costume (unless you're Detective Pikachu I guess), but I wanted to look more natural instead of translating a shiny fancy 3D model straight to real life (nothing against that, it just wasn't my goal). This meant adapting certain elements that only really worked in stylized Pokémon graphics. Be a huge cheapskate: I didn't wanna break the bank with this one, so if I could save money thrifting or reusing stuff I had lying around, I was going to do it. Whenever you see me pull some material out of my ass that wasn't entirely fit for the job, that's why. After putting these down, jotted down a battle plan for the project (basically just a huge compartmentalized list of all the material I expected to need and the steps to complete the costume), and then it was time to get to work.

Station 1: Thrift Shop Pit Stop

I like starting every project with a quick trip to the local thrift stores to see what I can find. I hate sewing pants with a passion, so my priority was to grab some navy suit pants to match the coat's fabric to later. I also found a long sleeve black shirt for Ingo's undershirt, a belt I ended up not using, and lucked out with some excellent clown shoes with removeable insoles. After slapping in my own insoles, replacing the shoelaces and fixing up the pants' button, we were good to go on every element that could be done without any extra work on my end. Moving on.

Station 2: Three Refined Metals For A Hat

I'll be honest here: when I initially planned out the entire project in my notebook, the hat was scary as hell. I had no clear idea how I was going to do it; I didn't really want to buy a similar pre-made hat cause roughing it up would've been stupid hard to get to look right. I figured I could probably make it out of EVA Foam (a certified cosplay classic), but I've never patterned a shape this complex before. Turns out Kamui Cosplay made a foam pattern for the same kinda hat. Score! I purchased the pattern and assembled the hat using 6mm EVA Foam and Contact Cement according to the instructions. I then destroyed some poor polyester cord trim from the bottom of my scrap bin and glued it into the base for the... sticky-outies? The damaged bits. Y'know.

With the base finished, I drafted a pattern for the fabric covering, cut my pieces out of navy twill, sewed it up and slid it over the hat. I did the same for the inside with some cheap black muslin leftovers from another project, glued it all to the base in strategic spots, and then patterned, sewed and glued the band on. Finally, I took my seam ripper and scissors and opened up the seams where the little piles of sad polyester scraps were lining up to free them. With the main part of the hat complete, I cut up a disc of 10mm EVA foam for the insignia, scored the design on with a hobby knife and heated it up to form a bit of a curve. It was then sealed with flexbond, painted and sealed with a clear coat, and glued on! All that was left after this was weathering the hat. It's a little hard to photograph this piece properly, so I'll show the weathering process when we get to the coat.

I apologize for basically pulling a "rest of the fucking owl" here, but honestly a lot of the process was improvising and somehow not destroying the entirety of my progress, so I have no pictures of the hat building process beyond this.

Station 3: Sneasels Ripped My Coat

Ingo's coat started with a heavily modified version of a commercial pattern. Specifically, it's the D Coat from Simplicity's 4789. I could've probably found a pattern closer to the Subway Bosses' coat design, but this one had already been in my pile of "patterns I bought for an abandonned project and will totally use someday, I swear" and it was close enough, so I used it. Modifications included extending the collar, making the coat a little longer in proportion to my body, the sleeves wider at the ends, and adding inner pockets (a cosplayer's best friend). Oh, and the white bias tape on the edges and the orange stripes, of course. You may have noticed I'm not showing the pattern with all the modifications here. That's because as part of the Cheapskate Protocol, I really wanted to use this old Simplicity pattern to save money. A pattern I bought when I was a teen way back when. the misses sized pattern enveloppe. So I had to size up the entire damn thing. The biggest size on this pattern was like 7 inches off my measurements. It's a paper Frankenstein golem. It looks godawful. The actual adjustments to make the pattern Submas-ready are incomprehensible in there. But hey, I saved like 10 dollars! I started by assembling the base coat (undamaged) out of navy twill. I added heavy interfacing in the collar to help it stay up. I considered adding a lining to it to really sell the fact this used to be a modern machine-assembled piece of clothing, but it wouldn't have looked as good with the rips and tears later on. As a bonus, it's one layer less in the fight against heat exhaustion! However, if I were to make this coat for Pre-Eeby-Deebied Ingo, I'd definitively do a lining.

Next step was the stripes! I used some double fold white bias tape to finish the edges of the coat and topstitched the ones on the back of the coat on. I then used the same orange cotton as the hat band for the three orange stripes,which were topstitched on. Cheapskate Protocol made me buy barely enough orange cotton this time around because I was tired of building up the pile in the fabric scrap bin, so I had to improvise to make it work by snipping the bands in strategic spots in order to cover to whole coat properly. It's not like the parts that would be cut off later for the damage would need them, anyways. ✨Optimization✨

After rolling my rock up the hill of a Hell of my own creation, I booted up the game, dragged my avatar to the Ingo enclosure and marveled at the magnificent creature to see where the coat was ripped. I traced a loose guide of the tear designs with washable fabric chalk and crudely cut up the bottom edge, sleeves and collar to have the basic shape down.

All that was left was to add the armband and the buttons. Turns out the only metal buttonsI could find that were big enough were those buttons kits to cover with fabric. Since I wanted to go for realism here (and be able to throw the whole thing in the wash after sweating in it all day), I wanted to avoid crafting them myself. With the main construction done, it was time to do the weathering! ... ... ... OH GOD I FORGOT TO ADD POCKETS

Behold, the world's most awful pockets. Two stupid little bags sewn in such a way you hopefully can't tell from the outside that I completely forgot that I wanted these. They literally only exist so I can have my phone handy at a convention. There's a buttonhole to close it too, I guess. They're shamefully hidden with all my lining-less, raw seam sins. Ok now we can destroy the coat

Station 4: Stinky And Dirty

I mentionned earlier during the hat section that I was going to get back to the weathering process. This is happening now. For the sake of Realism™️, I wanted the damage to look natural in real life, so I had to make it look believable. Luckily this wasn't my first rodeo with the Dirt, so I had plenty of weathering experience under my belt. To break up the awkward scissor cuts from earlier on the edges and fray everything up, I pulled out the sandpaper and started... Sanding the fabric. Might sound weird to some, but a lot of costume makers swear by it. It's also great for ripped jeans (if those are still popular today) and general natural wear. I also refined the shape along the way with scissor to break up any long straight cuts before fraying the edges. I took care to reinforce any newly destroyed seams with a sneaky staystitch so it doesn't unravel in the future. I then mixed up a bunch of different shades of brownish grime with fabric paints (I had black, brown, yellow, orange and green on hand) to dirty the whole thing up. This doesn't look as realistic as some other methods like weathering powders and Just Using Real Dirt, but as mentionned earlier I wanted to be able to just throw it in the washing machine at the end of the day to sanitize it. (If you're interested in actually learning how to weather a costume, this guide is where I started my journey.) I prioritized the ripped edges and any spots where grime would realistically accumulate in over time, like under the edge of the hat band. Paint was dabbed, stippled and rubbed on with whatever garbage tools I could find, which in my case were some old crusty brushes, sponges and toothbrushes I could get really violent with. (brushes were harmed in the making of this costume, but not my good brushes.)

The whole thing was then sealed with heat using a flat iron as per the fabric paint instructions. With the coat done, all of Ingo's old Subway Boss uniform was complete!

Station 5: A Warden's Garb

Next step on the list was making the Pearl Clan uniform. Thankfully, there's a fun little piece of concept art that shows Ingo without his signature coat, so from it we can confirm that his clan outfit has short sleeves (good for the comfort goal) and consists of two pieces: a tunic and some kind of hip sash. I omitted the hood on the tunic because I was realistically never going to wear it up and it would have just bunched up under the coat anyways. Now you'll be painfully aware of that terrible corner cutting truth whenever you scroll down and see photos of the costume. Sorry. I drafted out a quick pattern for both pieces of the clan garb through the power of math for the sash (a couple half circles with another piece for the border) and tracing over a tunic in my wardrobe for the shirt. I assembled a test version out of scrap muslin to make sure it worked properly, then set the pattern aside so I could prepare the fabric. In order to have all of the tunic elements match together, I picked up a bunch of white stretch knit fabric and a bottle of purple synthetic dye so I could reach the shade of dusty lavender I wanted. I measured out two squares of fabric based on the pattern. One square was for the darker border on the waist sash, while the rest was the lighter color for the whole outfit. I boiled water according to the dye instruction and worked on my Fabric Soup.

With the fabric dyed and washed, I cut my pattern pieces out and assembled everything together. Nothing special happened there since the pattern had been tested and adjusted prior to sewing the real deal. Ok, one thing happened actually. My sewing machine absolutely hated how thin this fabric was and kept trying to eat my costume. By the end I was about ready to throw the machine out the window, but things worked out.

It's pretty sneaky and totally not visible on the outside, but the sash is held closed with two snap buttons on the front. It's easily the single jankiest piece of the costume due to the aforementioned attempt by my sewing machine to have fabric dinner. But hey, it works and the jank isn't visible so who caaaares (I care)

Final step for the Pearl Clan outfit was adding the logo on the front. I wasn't sure how I wanted to do this, at first, but to keep the fabric's stretch and keep with the idea that this is a hand-sewn garment from old Hisui, I decided to go with hand embroidery. I grabbed some scrap white cotton, dyed it purple, then cut it out in the shape of the logo. It was then painstakingly applique'd to the tunic by hand with embroidery floss.

With that done, the tunic was completed! It looks absolutely depressing on a coat hanger, but when worn with a belt it's all nice and cozy. As a bonus, it layers with the coat well enough that I don't have to wear a binder under everything to hide obvious boob shapes. Another win for the Comfort team! 👏 With all the sewing done, all that's left is the Warden bracelet and the hair.

Station 6: Noble Sneasler's Cool Bling

Ingo's got a bestie bracelet of his best pal Sneasler, so we gotta make that. The build should be pretty standard to anyone that's made anything out of EVA Foam for a cosplay. I drafted the pieces by referencing the in-game model, cut them out of different thicknesses of the material to create some depth, and glued everything together with contact cement and hot glue. (The main bracelet is 6mm foam, the details are 2mm foam and the black parts for the base of the head and the gem are 4mm foam.) I added an elastic on the wrist to keep the bangle secured to my arm while still being able to easily slip it on and off.

The whole thing was then sealed with flexbond, painted and then sealed with a spray clear coat. Honestly, it was the simplest part of the build and it actually went without a hitch this time around.

With the accessories done, it was now time to get to what I am convinced is every Submas cosplayer's worst nightmare: The Goddamn Hair.

Station 7: The Goddamn Hair

There's a lot of artists credited as character designers in the credits of Pokémon Black & White (2010). This means I can't figure out who to blame for Ingo and Emmet's stupid sideburns that make absolutely no sense in the real world. Instead we're just going to scream at the heavens and find a solution to the geometric flaps. Another fun fact: I'm awful at wigs. Like absolutely awful. I understand the methods involved, but I'm stupid bad at applying that knowledge on an expensive mop of plastic hair I don't want to ruin. So I did some research to figure out how people were making the twins' hair on their own cosplay. Everyone did a great job, but it wasn't really the effect I was looking for, so I decided to start from scratch. Because, you see, I was going to completely avoid styling a wig. I've always interpreted the art as them having some sick sideburns/muttonchops. (This art piece by waltias on twitter was posted like a week after I finished my cosplay and I felt so so validated in my interpretation) I also love Makeup FXs, so I thought "hey, I can look up beard makeup tutorials." I ended up with two ideas: either I could buy crepe wool hair in grey and glue the fibers to my face individually every time I put the costume on, or I could make a reuseable prosthetic. I'm a lazy piece of garbage that likes doing things once so prosthetic it was. I mean, I know how to ventilate wig lace. It'll be reusable and take 4 minutes to apply. Smart! I got the Jett in Light Grey from Arda Wigs, a ventilating hook, matching wefts and the lace. I had a plan, I was ready, it was going to look great. And then I spent 40 hours tying individual strands of plastic hair on a wig lace mesh. For a total surface area of maybe 3 square inch.

(Pictured above: A Fool.) It was hell. I might've incurred a stress injury from the process and then had to let it rest for a week because I did it all over a couple days. Would I recommend doing it? If you're patient, sure. I love the result. But this was, by far, the worst part of the entire project. 40 hours. The entire coat took me like 6 hours. 40 fucking hours.

After painstakingly tying individual hairs to a mesh and realizing I might've reached the Ninth Circle of Hell along the way, I took my couple squares of ventilated wefts and trimmed them to the proper length. The result was awesome, and I don't regret it at all. It looks exactly how I pictured the idea of sideburns would look like. But it also took 40 hours of me just tying some fucking hair to a mesh. Maybe there was a better solution, but there's so little ressources about the process online that I just went with the methods I could find, really. I pray someone starts offering squares of pre-ventilated wig lace someday so no one else has to suffer like I did. As a sidenote, I didn't even bother with the balding hair since I wasn't gonna go through all the effort of heavily modifying a wig and wearing a bald cap if I wasn't even gonna take the hat off.

40 hours.

Station 8: Bits And Bobs From Under the Subway Bench

Honestly, after the absolute nightmare I went through making the sideburns and goatee, The final touches were a cakewalk. After all, the costume is complete! What's next? Warden Ingo uses Pokéballs like a cool guy, so I wanted one. I usually make pretty much everything myself for costumes because it's fun, but after the ventilating adventure I just wanted to rest. I'd been following NisuzCraft's work for a while now, and I loved the wood grain effect on their Hisuian Pokéballs. I wholeheartedly recommend them, their work is awesome.

As a final touch, I grabbed some red cord I had lying around from a previous project to craft a little loop to hook my convention badge onto. I don't really like having the badge show up on photos, so it was a clean way to have it easily accessible while having it be easy to slide out of sight. I based the idea off of the knotted ropes the Galaxy Team member hang their Pokéballs from on their uniforms.

Lastly, though it's not necessarily part of the costume itself, I made an overly indulgent ita bag panel for the first con I took Warden Ingo out to. The collection's grown since then, but here it is:

Chandelure: JellyBearDesigns Ingo & Lady Sneasler: AstroTeenyArts Warden Ingo, Emmet&Ingo Duo: Cynniarts Ingo & Emmet with fingers crossed, Hanging Ingo, Emmet & Warden Ingo: Zhampip Rubber Straps: Official Pokémon Mate Merch Go show them some love!

Terminus: You Have Reached Hisui Station

So, first con wearing Warden Ingo came and went. What's the verdict? Pretty great experience, honestly. It was relatively comfortable to wear despite record heat in the middle of summer. The only real issue was that having a wig and a hat together trapped heat real bad, therefore some wig breaks were needed. I also initially used spirit gum to stick the facial hair on, and I struggled to remove the residue afterwards from the lace mesh, so now I just use body tape to keep it on. Nothing broke, nothing hurt, so I'd say it was a success! I haven't had to modify or repair anything for the future, so I'm very proud of the results. To anyone who read this Build Log to the very end, thank you so, so much for your interest. I hope this may have given you some insight into the process; especially if this helps your in future cosplay projects! If you don't cosplay, I hope it was still an entertaining read.

Hoping to see more wonderful Submas cosplays in the future!

#Cosplay Build Log #cosplay tutorial #pokemon cosplay #submas #warden ingo #ingo #pokemon ingo #subway bosses #original content #40 hours

[anxiousnerdwritings]

ok so first of all, i LOVE your writing. it’s so good!!! yours so talented oml❤️❤️!!!!!!! ahem, anyways in your yan harry potter x aunt you mentioned he would try to set her up with sirius. i LOVE that idea! what if his efforts worked and they started dating, how would he feel? would sirius stay normal and just in love with reader, ok with the amount of attention needed to be given to harry as well, or would he become a yandere to. obsessed with reader: what would happen if they got married, harry would obviously walk his aunt down the aisle, would he be sirius’s best man, or would he be his aunts man of honor? what would be mentioned in his speech, how would he feel when she has to be away for the honeymoon? what if she got pregnant? how would he feel about a little cousin, basically sibling? would he grow jealous and in result an accident would occur and reader would get a miscarriage? or would he love his little sibling incredibly? just a thought ☺️

Awe!! Thank you so much!!🥰💕💚

Personally, I think Harry would be elated to know that his efforts to get his two most important people together worked. He’d finally get his family. I like to imagine Harry pulling Sirius aside or having a sit down with him after Sirius has shown a romantic interest in Aunt!Reader and having a talk with him about how important the Reader is to Harry and wanting to ensure that Sirius is serious about pursuing her. No matter how much Harry loves and cares about Sirius, his aunt will always be #1 and he’ll make that very clear, probably even persuading Sirius to think the same. There will definitely have to be mention of if Sirius were to ever break Aunt!Reader’s heart that Harry will throw down with him one way or another. I could even see Harry having used magic to get his aunt and Sirius together. Even using it to keep them together.

I wholeheartedly feel like Sirius would fall into his own obsession with Aunt!Reader. I wouldn’t be surprised if he already had knowledge of the Reader given how close she was with Lily and Lily always lovingly gushing about them back in the day. I think he’d clutch on to the Reader even more because it just reminds him so much of what he used to have when Lily and James were alive. Harry would be his piece of James back and the Reader would be his piece of Lily back. I like to think something that would really mean a lot to him would be if the Reader were to tell him that she never believed that he had ever had any part in James and Lily’s deaths, going off what she heard from Lily about the whole Marauders group and their friendship she couldn’t believe that he especially would have betrayed them like that. I also think having someone care for and tend to him as the Reader would would make his heart melt.

I have no doubt that early on Harry would openly share with Sirius about the treatment he suffered with the Dursley’s, more so just to show how much of a saint his Aunt is compared to them but also a reason why he clings to her like does. She was really the only one he had who cared for and showed him any love. I also feel like Aunt!Reader and Sirius would have a talk about Harry early on, maybe about Sirius asking permission to be in Harry’s life or even the Reader being the one to ask him to stick around for Harry so that he has someone who can tell him more about his father and magic. In the process, the Aunt would open up about how she’s tried giving Harry all the love she knew Lily and James would have given him and having Sirius around would only give Harry more love and attention, not to mention more stability. I could really see Sirius becoming obsessed with both Aunt!Reader and Harry. They’ve welcomed him so warmly into their little family of two, now there his family and he’s not going to lose them.

Harry would be overjoyed at the news of a wedding. He would totally want to walk his aunt down the aisle while also being her Man of Honor and the ring bearer. Remus would probably be Sirius’ Best Man. It would be a really small gathering, probably taking place at the Weasley’s. Hermione, Ron, the Weasley’s, some of the Order of the Phoenix would be in attendance. Maybe even Professor Mcgonagall. Most likely the Dursley’s wouldn’t be in attendance. I like to think the Reader sent them an invitation or something and Harry or Sirius, or even both, intervened with it. Maybe the Aunt asked one of them to send it and they pretend to, meanwhile the actual invitation is burning in the fireplace. I don’t know what Harry’s speech would be word for word but you bet it’s going to be heartfelt, come from the soul and make Aunt!Reader, Molly Weasley, and Professor Mcgonagall (maybe even Alistair Moody) tear up.

I think regarding the honeymoon, Harry would be able to bare with a slight absence of his aunt, as long as it’s not for too long. At most he can tolerate is two weeks. That’s plenty of time right? You can bet he’ll be sending a letter after day three. I think Harry would probably most likely still be overwhelmed with complete and utter pure joy that his Aunt and Godfather are together that he wouldn’t be too hyper focused on his Aunt being away, besides if he trusts Sirius enough to marry his Aunt then he trusts him to come back with her.

I’m a little torn between whether Harry would want a sibling/cousin. I’m leaning more towards he would rather than he wouldn’t. I think he’d really want a baby in the picture to make his family feel even more like a family. I think he’d like to feel what it’s like have brothers and or sisters. Not like the Weasley’s weren’t his way of looking into that but I think he’d like to have the experience himself. Harry would definitely become all the more overprotective of his Aunt while she’s pregnant. He and Sirius would be doing everything for her so she wouldn’t have to take so much as a step. Not to mention they’re both feeling and listening to her belly every chance they get. Sirius would definitely be excited for the baby. Not only is he making his little family bigger but it also be a reason for the Reader to stick around if they were to ever try to leave him, not like he thinks that will happen but at least he’s got something even more to tie her down with in the case it does.

I think even if Harry didn’t really want a sibling/cousin that much he would grin and bare it if it made his Aunt happy. I think he’d know that either way, sibling or no sibling, Harry would always be his Aunt’s first baby. He’ll always have her love and attention no matter what, even if he did have to share it with another. He’d at least know that no matter what his Aunt would never overlook him or throw him away.

#anxious answers #yandere harry potter #yandere sirius black #yandere harry potter concept #yandere concept

[harvest-of-the-present]

hi, I hope it’s OK to ask this…

I’m a pagan who believes in a few different deities from different cultures, but lately I feel like I either don’t make contact with them or like they aren’t ever present. I feel bad because I don’t make altars for offerings/worship (partly because some of my family is anti-pagan). Do you have any advice or similar experiences you wouldn’t mind sharing?

hello! It's completely fine to ask this and I actually relate to your situation so I hope my answer can help a bit. The only people who know I'm pagan are some close friends who live far away so I'm also in a kind of tricky situation when it comes to offerings/altars. I'll write about some experiences I've had and things I do as alternatives and try to worship as I wish to in a way I can. It turned out to be a bit of a long post so it continues under the cut!

About feeling the deities' presence, it's okay to not do so. It happens, and I personally may feel them more when we get to know each other and as time goes on I usually feel in at specific moments or when reading/searching about them or something related to them. Sometimes when I'm on my own and think about them or something I want to do in their honor, too. The thing is, that doesn't have to always happen, and it does not have to mean they arent necessarily there or listening to you. Because they are, and I've had prayers being answered in times where I felt disconnected or even left behind for not finding time for my practice. If you reach out, there'll be there, even if it doesn't always seem obvious. Something that has helped me in these situations is to think about what kind of way to communicate with them works better for me at that specific moment. Sometimes I have alone time and I feel inclined to do a tarot reading. In other occasions, I leave praying for right before I go to sleep and I tell them about my day and wish them a good night. I've recently found out that already written prayers work the best for me when I'm busy and/or stressed because of exams. Repeating and hymn and/or a prayer with your focus on it can be more relaxing and reassuring that I remembered, but this can depend on person and situation so finding out what feels right for you could help.

In terms of altars, the most similar thing I have are Pinterest boards. However, you could always choose a specific part of a piece of furniture to put decorations on if their religious meaning isn't that easy to deduce. I don't personally have this, but when I give simple food offerings like some water in a mug, I always leave it at the same place to symbolise it's for them, and being such a common thing like water it's hard for others to suspect it is a religious offering. I've also seen an altars picrew going around to create your own digital altar, and other ways to do this could be a collage or even a tumblr blog to keep prayers, offerings and things that remind you of deities in the same place, just like a usual altar would work like.

So, most offerings I do are devotional acts. Praying, journaling, writing down affirmations, carrying things that remind me of them with me, establishing a bit of a self-care routine, listening to playlists of them, going out in their honor, thinking about them as I go on my day, being thankful towards them and the guidance they give me. The intention to honor them and that thankful feeling is always there. Sometimes it can be as simple as dedicating a break time to them, or perhaps they have advised you to do something for yourself in the past and you try to implement that in your days as a way to honor them and their words, too (that's, for example, my case with meditation, as I've always had a hard time finding a good moment in the day for it but Dionysus encouraged me to continue trying and I've found it's an activity that helps me feel more grounded and less anxious).

I think you can also adapt this depending on how you see your relationship with the deities you worship. I mostly like to see them like we are getting to know the other as I get through life, kind of a wise companion that I can rely on, so that's why I tend to tell them about my days from time to time. In other cases, when I still haven't established much contact with some, I will write them some appreciation quotes or little texts I come up with. These are usually based on things I see or find that remind me of them, so it's kind of a way to express my admiration and respect towards them. If you have more of a mentor-apprentice relationship, which is my case with The Morrígan, little acts related to what they want you to work on can be very appreciated. Getting to know them and their advice can be really meaningful in our relationship with them, that's what I think and have experienced.

Just like we like to get to know them, they will appreciate that we time time out of our days to let them now about ourselves. Both you and the way you can worship are enough, and deities will see your efforts to reach out. I hope this helped a bit and gave you some ideas!

#my experience #pagan #paganism #helpol #paganblr #deity worship #polythiest #polytheism