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linghxr · 9 months

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My late summer 2023 cdrama updates (+ movies)

This is a follow-up to a previous post I published in February. I'm thinking of doing twice-yearly updates on what I'm watching! I'm also including a few movies this time.

I'm going to try to include content warnings, BUT my memory is not perfect, so please be aware that I may have forgotten details.

Shows I've watched: Some of these were mentioned as "currently watching" in my previous post.

《消失的孩子》 The Disappearing Child As the title suggests, this show is a mystery about a child who goes missing. It also incorporates other plotlines that gradually converge—that's all I'll say to avoid spoiling it. The payoff when the plotlines finally intersect was so satisfying! Overall I really enjoyed this show and highly recommend it. Be aware that it does have references to sexual assault and corpses (I don't think anything was directly shown).

《猎罪图鉴》 Under the Skin This show is about a sketch artist, a police detective, and an old murder case that connects them. I enjoyed the first half, which mostly chronicled stand-alone cases. But I found some cases hard to follow (disclaimer: my police vocab is limited, and I took several breaks while watching). Frankly I was a bit disappointed by the ending, so I don't think I'll watch the upcoming second season. Warning: contains some depictions of sexual assault and domestic violence.

《她和她的她》 Shards of Her To avoid spoiling anything, I'll just say that this show is about a woman who, after experiencing a traumatic accident, wakes up in an alternate version of her life. This show had me constantly doubting what was real and what was fake! I really couldn't get it out of my head. BUT I ultimately wouldn't recommend it due to what I found to be pretty disturbing sexual violence. I don't think there was anything too graphic, but I had to take significant breaks between episodes due to the upsetting content.

《镇魂》 Guardian I knew virtually nothing about this show (I thought it was steampunk tbh) but had heard good things. It's hard to summarize...basically it follows a police bureau that handles supernatural cases and, with some help from a mysterious, powerful envoy, saves the world. My favorite part was the first half, when they were mostly solving stand-alone cases. I got a bit fatigued during the second half. But it was perfect for when I wanted to unwind after work. Warning: the ending left me upset, and the special effects are hilariously bad.

《模仿犯》 Copycat Killer This is probably one of the most violent and death-heavy shows I've ever seen (and that's coming from someone who has seen Criminal Minds and part of Hannibal). It's about an unconventional prosecutor and a sadistic serial killer who uses the media to cause mass panic. Without spoiling it, I'll just say you need to be prepared for murder, torture, suicide, and other violent imagery. This show is not for the faint of heart—I could barely finish it, honestly. There are no happy endings for this kind of show.

Movies I've watched:

《想见你》（电影版） Someday or One Day (Movie) This long-anticipated film adaptation was a letdown for me personally. Instead of simply condensing the show, they made A LOT of changes. I'm not against changes, but the plot of the movie was way too confusing for me to follow. I'm not even going to try summarizing it here. If you haven't seen the show, I think you'll be completely lost. If you have seen the show, you'll be wishing you were rewatching the show instead.

《消失的她》 Lost in the Stars I'll admit, I only went to see this to see 朱一龙. The premise is very Hitchcock—a man is nearly driven over the edge after his wife vanishes and a woman he has never met appears, claiming to be his wife. There are lots of twists and turns, and I did not see the ending coming at all. Personally, I wish it had less action and more elements of a psychological thriller. It was a fun summer movie, but it wasn't anything groundbreaking. But that's OK!

《关于我和鬼变成家人的那件事》 Marry My Dead Body I barely knew anything about this film before I watched it. I only knew it had 许光汉, and I saw a lot of buzz online. It's about a homophobic police officer who enters into a ghost marriage with a (male) ghost. Frankly, I didn't like it that much. I did enjoy seeing the characters' growth, but the plot was very fast-paced, so I didn't have time to process anything that happened. Please note: there is rear nudity and some limited depictions of sex.

Currently watching:

《隐秘的角落》 The Bad Kids After hearing about how great this show is for years, I'm finally checking it out. I've only seen the first episode so far, but I'm really excited to see what's to come! It's about three children who accidentally film a murder. That's really all I know at this point.

《我们与恶的距离》 The World Between Us I haven't even finished the first episode of this show yet. I started it but decided to pause because I felt like I was juggling too many shows. I plan to revisit it after I finish some other shows. I know it's about the aftermath of a mass shooting, so I'm expecting it to be very grim.

《不良执念清除师》 Oh No! Here Comes Trouble I saw a lot of praise for this show online. It's a bit odd but in an endearing way. It follows a young man who discovers he inherited a mystical power after all sorts of strange beings start coming to him for help. So far the only thing I disliked was the gore.

《你的��子不是你的孩子》 On Children This show is kind of like Black Mirror but with the theme of troubled parent-child relationships. Each episode is practically a movie, and I have only finished one so far. If you are not on good terms with your parents, it may bring up some painful memories.

Potentially abandoning:

《理智派生活》 The Rational Life I started this drama because I was curious about the premise—a professional woman's ups and downs in the workplace. There is also a slow romance (a 姐弟 romance since the male lead is much younger). However, after finishing episode 23 out of 35, the thought of watching 12 more episodes kinda fills me with dread.

《你安全吗？》 Are You Safe? This show is about "vigilante" hackers and the antics they get up to. It's supposed to raise awareness for cybersecurity. Honestly I don't think I have made any progress on this show since my last post...! I may just abandon it because there are a lot of other shows that have more successfully caught my interest.

I can't wait to share another update on what I'm watching/have watched in 6 months or so!

#my watchlist #cdrama #cdramas #chinese drama #taiwanese drama #I have a bad habit of seeing people mention some show/movie/webnovel and diving into it knowing next to nothing #I'm also watching 披荆斩棘2 but I'm not including reality shows in this #吴慷仁 is in EVERYTHING #I was so shocked by the 炎亚纶 cameo in 关于我和鬼变成家人的那件事 #I'm used to cancelled celebs being scrubbed from the internet #yes it includes 许光汉's butt #can someone explain to me why the wig budget for some of these shows is so low #cough guardian and 她和她的她 cough #like we're talking party city type wigs #the kids on the bad kids are so adorable #I hope they will be OK

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cora-writes-things · 1 year

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WLW media plans <3 early 2023 edition

You may have seen my first edition of this post; now that 2023 has begun in earnest, let’s see where I’m at!

Media I’m currently in the middle of consuming:

The 100 (I know that I said that I wasn’t sure if I wanted to watch this show cuz I’m tired of tragic wlw, but a friend suggested we watch it together, so here I am)

Clear and Muddy Loss of Love (an AMAZING web-novel!!! I can’t stop reading it! Clear and Muddy Loss of Love, original title 泾渭情殇 (Jīng wèi qíng shāng or JWQS), is a Chinese GL web-novel by Please Don’t Laugh (请君莫笑). Read and buy the original here (here’s a guide on how to use JJWXC so you can support the author), and the English translation by melts (@meltesh28 on Tumblr / @meltsmelts on Twitter) can be found here (thank you so much for your hard work, melts!))

Nevertheless (solely for the crumbs of Sol/Ji-wan content, and you know what? It’s been worth it, even if the main male lead, Park Jae-eon, makes me want to throw my laptop across the room. Seriously, JAE-EON SUCKS SO BAD. NA-BI, WHAT ARE YOU DOIIIING. DO-HYEOK IS RIGHT. THERE!!!)

Warrior Nun (I started watching this show both because it has wlw AND because Alba Baptista is so gorgeous that I can’t stop looking at her. So disappointing that it was canceled recently :()

Media I plan to start (or continue) consuming:

A League of Their Own (for the canon wlw AND all the wlw vibes)

Arcane: League of Legends (I’ve seen enough gifs and fanart for Caitlyn/Vi that I ship it and haven’t even watched the show yet)

Batwoman (for the canon wlw AND all the wlw vibes)

Black Lightning (ditto)

Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS was available on Amazon Prime for a while but is now on Hulu, so I don’t have access to it at the moment)

The Expanse (I’m taking a break from watching the show to read the books, but I’m also consuming a lot of other media at the moment, so I don’t know when I’ll get back to it)

The Half of It (the premise sounds so freaking relatable I can’t wait to feel some type of way about the constant sapphic pining I experienced in high school & didn’t even know about at the time because of comphet yay)

The Handmaiden (I’ve been trying to get into more international media lately, as you can see by some of the other pieces of media in this post, and this movie looks too good to pass up)

Killing Eve (up to the finale but stopping before the end cuz my queer little heart can’t take YET MORE bury your gays in the year of our lord 2023. also the book series. maybe)

The Legend of Korra (once I finish ATLA)

The Owl House (currently waiting for the next episode. Also, I’m still so mad this show was canceled by Disney >:()

Paper Girls (science fiction combined with middle-grade fiction and queer characters? Sign me up!)

Sense8 (for the queer vibes in general)

The Wilds (for the canon wlw AND all the wlw vibes)

Yellowjackets (ditto)

Media I might consume but haven’t decided yet:

Huge shout-out to @femslashrevolution (abbreviated as F.R. in this post from now on) for introducing me to a lot of these pieces of media with active-ish wlw fandoms through their reblogs!

Astrid & Lilly Save the World (I don’t know much about it, but the gifs reblogged by F.R. look promising)

Harlem (I’ve heard mixed reviews about the wlw representation in this show, but there’s also a distinct lack of black queer shows out there, so I’m considering trying it out anyway)

House of the Dragon (partially because I haven’t finished GOT yet, but also because I don’t want my heart to be broken by the tragedy)

I Know What You Did Last Summer (this show doesn’t have the best reviews, but the actresses in it are so pretty that I might watch it anyway ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

Kevin Can F*** Himself (seems like an interesting premise, I just don’t know if I’ll personally enjoy the show itself or not)

Legends of Tomorrow (Idk what it’s even about tbh, I’ve just seen a lot of wlw-centric and wlw-adjacent gifs reblogged by F.R.)

Lost Girl (it's included on a lot of rec lists of wlw shows, I just don’t know if I’ll actually find it interesting)

Once Upon A Time (a classic wlw fandom, but Idk if I’ll find it interesting enough to actually watch it)

Orange is the New Black (ditto)

Orphan Black (ditto)

Runaways (ditto)

Supergirl (ditto)

Willow (Idk what it’s even about tbh, I’ve just seen some cute wlw gifs reblogged by F.R. recently, so why not?)

Media I've already finished consuming:

Couple of Mirrors (SO GOOD!!! A (sadly heavily censored, but still very well-done) GL-based Chinese drama that is slated to get a second season depending on the support, so please go watch and support it! It also has a manhua (read the original here and the English summaries here))

First Kill (campy with pretty horrid music choices, but I still enjoyed the watching experience even though the show was kinda bad. Who doesn’t like a little bit of camp every now and again?)

Girlfriend Project Day 1 (cute, short little fake dating GL K-drama that is slated to get a second season if they can raise the funds for it! Watch it here)

More than or Equal to 75 Celsius (≥75°C) (short GL K-drama, very aesthetic, and the actresses are beautiful! Watch it here)

Zero Photography (short spin-off GL Thai drama that features Ink & Pa from the bigger BL series Bad Buddy. Definitely worth the watch!)

Have I missed any must-watch/must-read/must-consume pieces of wlw or wlw-adjacent media that y’all love? Please let me know in the reblogs and give me your recommendations!

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punemy-spotted · 2 years

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A Worthy Grave - Chapter 1

Chapter 1 - Everybody Dies Alone

Pairing: Federal Agent!Ari Levinson x Witch!Reader

Warnings: THIS IS A HORROR FIC, True Crime Elements, Police Procedural Elements, Possibly a little Twin Peaks, Violence, Murder, Death, Flayed Bodies, Ghosts, Ghouls, Violence Against Women, Violence Against Random Hikers, The Woods are Dangerous, Serial Killers, Choking, Gutting, Witchcraft, Blood, Appalachian Gothic Horror, Eventual Smut, Plot with Porn

PLEASE REMEMBER THAT YOUR CONSUMPTION OF MEDIA IS YOUR OWN RESPONSIBILITY AND IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THE CONTENT THAT IS BEING PRESENTED, PLEASE DO NOT READ

Chapter Summary: Any place with enough history in it is gonna have ghosts. And sometimes they call your name.

O Mother It is that fear that moves both heart and tongue To draw tight curtains so that we might let the darker hours pass unseen. We hear you call in the deepest night. We hear you call to us in voices that belong to our dead and gone And we know better, but we follow you into The darkened woods all the same.

— Old Gods of Appalachia Episode 31: Season 3 Prologue

Notes: I’M BACK, BITCHES. This fic is a sort of direct sequel to Glory, Amen, so keep that in mind as you read it, except I decided to include MORE CE babes into this fic and may also include other CE babes in the future. This is gonna be more Twin Peaks inspired than anything else, and I hope you enjoy it! I crave feedback, so tell me what you think!

All of my work is 18+ Only, Minors DO NOT INTERACT. I do not consent to my work being posted anywhere besides Tumblr or Ao3 and I post my work there myself. Do not copy, translate, or repost any of my content.

Any place with enough history in it is gonna have ghosts, and these mountains in particular — being the oldest mountains in the world — have the type of ghosts that predate the very humanity the spine of this land is afflicted with. The type of ghosts that — if you’re good and careful, if you find the right gaps ‘tween then and now t’slip between, say the right words to invite ‘em into your space — might just come pay you a visit.

Other times, you don’t gotta say shit.

These woods’ll keep you safe, if you keep ‘em safe, your momma would warn you with all the gravity of a stormcloud, wrist-deep in the rich black earth of her garden, digging out root vegetables and other sorts of magic from that treasure trove of life she’d spent more years cultivating than you’d actually been alive, This mountain will sustain you proper, if you sustain it.

These woods are deep and dark an’ full of the type of demons even your daddy’s Bible would have been scared to name, but you are the blood of both an’ your momma feared no man, woman, or haint in these or any mountains.

Which is why, when the specter shows up on your front porch, screamin’ for blood an’ justice, all you do is give her a name and offer her a plate of cornbread she’d never actually be able to eat.

Stops the screaming though.

Trouble with small towns — especially small towns in mountains like yours — is that sometimes, people go missing. People take walks out in the woods, fall into some mineshaft the State forgot to tag or get got by some apex predator lookin’ to prove just how wild God’s own country really is. People get lost, people just plain die. Nine times outta ten, nobody finds the body but the beasts an’ eventually nobody looks, all chalkin’ the loss up to some mountain sacrifice.

Blood for blood, what you make, I will take.

You’re no stranger to death — Hell, Cocke County coroner, you might almost call it your life’s work — but some parts of the job you could do without.

Parts which occasionally — and currently — include a sobbing woman sittin’ translucent an’ bloody in your kitchen.

You call her Janey, on account of the Jane Doe #117 title stamped on the manila folder sittin’ in your office, the one with the photos of a body that probably once belonged to the unsettled soul you’d invited inside and offered a sacrifice of fresh-baked bread. It ain’t her real name, but that’s what the boys over at Park Services are still trynna find out.

Ain’t nothin’ I can do about your body, honey, you tell her, sitting across from the glum-faced woman and trying to decipher the words she means to say between the static that just can’t stop pouring from that hollowed-out mouth.

Your daddy tried teachin’ you the language of the other side, all deep snarls an’ buzzin’ shadows, but sometimes it’s the words that manage to spill out that tell the truth, those last vestiges of humanity bubbling bloody an’ baleful from a tongueless mouth before death takes its last due.

You know her secrets.

You know she wore heels more than hiking shoes. You know she’s not from these mountains, not anywhere near these small towns. You scraped the dirt from under her fingernails and know she fought to survive with everything she had and you know, gut-sinkin’ and stomach churning, that she was not the first body her killer left behind.

You know you could write her name out on your paperwork and give her family some peace, tell ‘em she didn��t run away, tell ‘em she loved ‘em more than anything in the world.

You know you could tell her boyfriend she wasn’t cheating on him, that the man who picked her up and left her here for the beasts to find was someone she thought she could trust. You could tell her momma she was comin’ home from a good job, that she stopped drinkin’ four months ago, that therapy was goin’ well and she was gettin’ better. You could give her daddy a body to bury long before its time, an’ if this were the Holler you grew up in, you know that would be that.

But it ain’t, so nothin’s ever over, and now you’ve gotta figure out how to prove this shit.

You pour yourself a fourth cup of coffee, watching your cornbread offering slowly begin to mold, decay following death as it must always do. You gotta give me something to go off of for the Feds, honey.

You get static in return.

Well. That and the shrill ring of your landline, that old rotary thing you bought from a thrift shop on the other side of the state, kept connected just in case the towers don’t reach you through the early morning mist.

There’s only one goddamn asshole who’d call you on it at six in the goddamn morning.

You ever sleep, Levinson?

Could ask you the same thing, Doc, how long you been up?

Clockwork. The same conversation you’ve had every morning since Ari Levinson transferred from some national park you didn’t give a damn about up north, his drawl about as much a part of your morning routine as coffee and keeping Goatrude out of your vegetable garden.

You want something, Levinson, or you just callin’ to ask about my sleepin’ habits?

What, can’t check in on you, Doc? You can almost hear the casual smugness in his voice, imagining the way he might speak around the cigarette he’s probably smoking at too-early-in-the-morning, I got an update on Jane Doe. You need to get out here.

The grind of gravel tells you just how much choice you have in the matter, your houseguest disappearing the moment she realizes you are not about to be alone for much longer, Jesus, Levinson, you gotta give a lady some warning, you slam down the receiver with a satisfying sound, grabbing the thoroughly-molded cornbread and throwing the plate wholesale into the bin and dumping the rest of your coffee pot into a thermos, listening for the sound of his engine roaring to a stop as you rush through the rest of your morning.

You grab your bag as you leave, stalking your way down the gravel walk and flashing Ari Levinson — parked halfway up the driveway and mercifully blocked further by Goatrude doin’ her best guard dog impression — a hard glare in response to his lazy grin, One day I’m gonna have you arrested for trespassin’, you threaten as you get into the too-fancy-for-a-city-slicker truck he drives.

He doesn’t say a word as you get in, just turns the key in the ignition and with a wink and backs away from Goatrude threatening to headbutt his front bumper.

It takes about fifteen minutes to get to the scene, where your crew and work truck are already waiting, jumpsuit and booties prepared for you to pull on before you’re allowed past that yellow tape and allowed to face the scene before you.

And just what the Hell m’I supposed to do here?

Well, Doc, I’m pretty sure you’d say the next step’s the autopsy, Agent Ari Levinson, Park Services Investigation Division — or whatever the hell that formal title is that he handed off to the poor rookie trying to keep curious hikers away from the yellow tape — saunters up behind you, his cigarette put out so as not to contaminate the crime scene, taking it in with you.

Helluva scene too, with its most pertinent part — for you, right now — currently including a body layin’ pretty as a picture on a flat slab of rock, eyes closed and lips blue, naked as the day it was born.

Which all would’ve been fine, save for the lungs, kidneys, liver and contents of a final meal neatly poured from a stomach into a tupperware container and placed around the meatsack-that-had-once-been-a-human-being like an offering to some great and terrible mortician God.

If you got all the answers, Agent Obvious, you wanna explain to me just how the hell I’m supposed to autopsy a body that’s already been done?

Oh, we got a whole lot better than that. You contemplate turning him into a crime scene with your own gloved hands as he turns, gesturing towards the far side of the slab, just past the edge of a cluster of trees, where two of your staff stand with two large black dogs seated patiently in wait.

Surrounding a lump hidden by a big white sheet.

You can guess what’s underneath that sheet even before they remove it, like every shitty horror film you’ve seen. A chunk of meat vaguely shaped like a human, wearing none of its features, nothing identifiable ‘cept raw. meat.

We’ve been callin’ it Jekyll and Hyde all morning, Ari Levinson tells you, Deputy coroner’s fifty yards back dry heaving, so we—

Y’all brought in the big guns. Don’t tell me — that’s the same body.

Got it in one.

You close your eyes for a moment and take several breaths before looking at the scene once again, trying not to curse yourself or your momma for the way your day’s turned.

You got any more bad news for me, or am I allowed to start gettin’ in there and doing my job?

You try to ignore the way Ari Levinson’s gaze holds yours… and the way Jane Doe #117 shows up from over his shoulder, her hollow-mouthed scream silenced the moment the Agent starts to speak again, We got an ID on last week’s vic.

The thing about names is how much power they hold. Your daddy took his name, stole it off the corpse of a man too broken with hunger to protest. Your momma abandoned hers, becoming more of a title than a name, markin’ herself as matriarch an’ Queen of the verdant kingdom she clawed out from the hands of the ungrateful and the undeserving. Both of ‘em agonized over yours, planting seeds of bloom and prosperity in every theoretical letter before they finally settled on somethin’ proper.

Only for you to change it the moment you were old enough to move outta the family home, disappear to the big city an’ make a name for yourself, choosin’ to hide any connection you had to that Holler you called home, not outta shame but outta knowing.

And now it’s back. Starin’ at you from the ID card of a once-unidentified murder victim who’d spent your morning destroying a plate of your favorite cornbread recipe while her physical form remained in stasis in your morgue.

Rogers.

Bein’ the daughter of the town pastor and the town witch came easy for you, just like it did all your sisters. But outside the boundaries of the Holler where everybody knew to respect Ma an’ Pastor Rogers, you knew your family’s ghosts would be all too happy to eat you right up.

Ari Levinson brings you a cup of coffee as you step outside the cold storage of your morgue, looking a bit like you’d seen a ghost and like you’d suddenly regressed to being afraid of them. Alright, Doc?

Stupid questions ought to deserve stupid answers, but you have the good sense to nod your head and busy your mouth with scalding itself on fresh-brewed water somebody whispered about coffee to. Somebody contact her next of kin? You haven’t gotten used to saying her real name, your real name, so instead you just gesture vaguely at the morgue behind you, hoping the agent will have enough sense to use context clues and get to the point.

Thankfully, he does. Family’s coming down tomorrow. Folks live in North Dakota — got no idea how their girl ended up down here. Dad kept askin’.

You tell ‘em we got no idea?

You really think my bedside manner’s that bad, Doc?

Stupid questions ought to deserve stupid answers.

You continue to have the good sense to not respond, leaving Ari Levinson looking slightly more than insulted as you pretend to have heard your office phone ringing and walk right back into the icebox.

That night, the spirit formerly known as Jane Doe #117 comes with a friend. John Doe #43 is… less pleasant lookin’ than the girl whose ID he had hidden inside his flayed jaw, eyeless face staring at you from your kitchen window and tapping on the glass to be let in.

You don’t. Victims of violence like that come with haints attached to ‘em and you’re not about to invite that into your home. The offering of cornbread is left on your back porch instead, with a light left on so he wouldn’t get lost on his way to a meal that didn’t consist of Cliff bars and spinach tortellini. It doesn’t stop his knocking though, insistin’ that your presence alone is enough reason to get in here. That the door is only a few steps away.

As if you’ll risk getting hurt by this ghost who probably won’t even remember attacking you.

Maybe he’s the one that attacked her, maybe he never even saw her, maybe he just wants the same comfort she must’ve craved during her final minutes on this Earth, or maybe he’s just a figment of your imagination as you ruminate on why the idea of a dead girl sharin’ your old last name — not an uncommon last name either, owned by more than a hundred thousand people in the country alone — bothers you so goddamn much.

Whatever the case, you won’t open the door for him, not now. Not ever. You just keep your charms on you when you step outside and feed the goat before lockin’ up the house and going upstairs to go to bed, biddin’ them both goodnight and, We’ll do our best.

The knock on your front door comes not long after midnight, loud enough it echoes all the way to your bedroom, persistent and steady as a drum.

And when you don’t respond at first, it keeps right on banging on the damn thing until you’re convinced you’ll soon see a fist makin’ a dent through that thin wood as the sound becomes a steady pounding.

Doc! Doc, it’s Ari, you gotta let me in.

You’ve heard of haints makin’ mimics of voices, memories, an’ hell, even whole faces of both the living and the dead, so you know better than to fling that door wide open and let him in to see you in your nightclothes before he’s ever even bought you a damn dinner, but that tone of voice he bears chills you to the bone somehow.

Doc, I know you’re in there, you gotta—

Prove it’s you.

What?

You heard me. Tell me somethin’ only Ari Levinson would know I know about him.

Oh c’mon, Doc. I don’t fuckin’ know. Do you even know my birthday?

Okay, so he’s got a point. You don’t admit that.

Fine, fine. What’s the hurry, couldn’t this have waited ‘til tomorrow?

Ari Levinson looks half-wild as you let him in, glancing outside briefly to see the flayed figure of your most recent unwanted visitor still seated mutely on the porch, cornbread rotted to dust and Goatrude holding him at bay. The Agent either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care, eyes fixed on you instead, You got a gun?

Got a gu— the hell sorta shit are you up to, Levinson?!

His lips curl back from his teeth in a sort of grimace before he turns, glancing out your front windows and then back at you, You know you have a skinless corpse on your porch?

Oh, so he noticed.

I’ve been trynna ignore it. That’s besides the point, the fuck are you doing out here and why do I need a gun?!

Personal protection, why else? There’s two dead bodies less than ten miles out from your property, Doc, or did you not notice?

The point. You need him to get to the point, and you might actually kill him if he doesn’t, arms crossed over your chest and trying not to let your scowl get too deep. Please don’t tell me you came all the way over to my house just to tell me to use protection.

No, it’s cuz I figured out how to measure distances, he retorts, before… drawing himself up to his full height and letting his jaw set properly, Fine. You gotta promise not to say I’m crazy first though.

Not crazy, says the crazy motherfucker bangin’ on my front door at one in the goddamn morning. You take in the seriousness of his glare for a moment, processing how many times you’ve actually seen him be serious before, Fine. Fine, I got a skinless guy on my porch anyway. Nothin’s gonna beat that.

Famous last words, you know, as you head to your kitchen to start up coffee. There’s no sleep to be had for you tonight.

So you’re tellin’ me you’re the one who found this morning’s corpse?

You watch him, stirring about three tablespoons worth of honey into your coffee in a vain attempt to use the added sugar in your caffeine to stay awake, watch the way his eyes glance askance like he could hide the gears turning in his head, coming up with an excuse for his confession that doesn’t sound as insane as he feels.

You got no idea, you almost tell him, but it’s almost funnier to watch him sweat.

I was investigating a hunch on… the girl, he’s as used to calling her Jane Doe as you are, the name slipping from his mind.

You don’t tell him you appreciate it it.

A hunch. What, you got an informant I don’t know about?

He looks sheepish, which is new for a man you didn’t know had any concept of shame, I told you not to call me crazy, Doc.

So you did. Fine. Just go over this again for me — you went out lookin’ for clues on the Jane Doe cuz you just… thought you missed somethin’, four miles away from where they found her body?

I said I went to the crime scene, Doc. And then I walked for four miles… on a hunch.

You’re going to need more coffee.

Well. Gotta hand it to you, Levinson, you weren’t wrong on that one.

See? Told you. Found the body, but knew I wasn’t gonna be able to justify why the fuck I was out at the ass-crack of dawn, four miles away from the scene and following a hunch so…

So you just got lucky with the hikers comin’ up the way?

He nods, dragging his tongue along the inside of his cheek while he chews over what to say next, looking both thoughtful and displeased, Figured I’d be investigating the scene anyway, any bootprints I had could be explained later.

You have to hand it to him, he did think it out. You sit back, listening to him continue, go on about calling you to the scene — helps to call your partner out, you suppose — and then going back to both scenes to figure out the connection between the dead girl and the skinless meatsack.

Figured that if it worked once, it’d work for Flayed Doe over there, so I just… walked. Followed the hunch, and ended up here—

The Flayed fucker’s been here since sundown — it happens.

You eye him, watching the way he doesn’t react to your casual explanation of why there’s a skinless corpse on your front porch, measuring his words, letting coffee scald your tongue and pretending it doesn’t bother you none as you consider how much you should believe him.

Or how much of his own grave you should let him dig.

You’re pretty calm about the dead guy, Ari’s voice is halfway to an accusation, watching you right back as he processes, measures you up, weighs the way you glance past his shoulder to the thing still knocking at your window and the girl still hiding from the agent in your kitchen.

You don’t answer, not right away, grabbing the biscuit jar and half-slamming it down on the table between the two of you instead, figuring you’ll both need something to fill your bellies on top of the coffee while you so something close to talkin’ about… this place, an’ whatever the hell it’s doin’.

You’re not the only one telling lies, Levinson.

#ari levinson x reader #ari levinson x fem!reader #ari levinson #ari levinson imagine #chris evans fic #chris evans imagine #chris evans #marvel fanfic #writing #in which tessa finally writes something #chris evans characters

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euphoric-sentimentalist · 5 months

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Hi, everyone. I want to start this post by saying I'm coming back after taking a break from social media. This is hard and I don't really know how to correctly put my thoughts into words about the latest news, but I'll try my best.

I found out about David's passing three days after the news came out since I wasn't very active on anything during those days and news just didn't come my way; I didn't see nor read or listen about anything so when I found out with the first look into my Facebook after many weeks I was beyond shocked.

I met him watching this amazing show y'all know I love with all my heart... From that very first moment he appeared on screen I said "THAT'S MY MAN" and from then on I became a huuuge fan of the show, him and PMG.

One of the biggest joys I have in life is to be a fan girl, and with these two legends I did nothing but proudly wear that title and fangirl about them tremendously, consuming every piece of media I could as they gradually became a very important part of my life... So this was a really hard blow for me.

David Soul will forever be one of my greatest idols. I will forever be fascinated by the passion he displayed in the art he shared. Even when he showed diversity in his acting, music and writing, his style had a unique spark which felt real and wonderful. He was a very talented and cultured man and that made me admire him completely as an artist. When I learned about his personal life I felt a mix of emotions, but what stayed with me at the end was the love and respect I developed for him.

I'm glad and thankful for the years he was with us, and I sincerely hope he left with the feeling of a life well lived; with human errors and joyful moments, and that he was in peace. I know I'm not the only one that will keep on remembering him, since he won our hearts with his undeniable charm, that be in his work or personal life. It is definitely going to be hard from now on since there'll be that bitter heartache when we mention him, but we must not let that tint the happiness he has brought us since we got to meet him.

I'm sure we will find solace in the legacy he left us. The content and memories he gave us will remain treasured in our minds and hearts and I think that's the beautiful part in moments like this; we can no longer be here, yet the impact we leave will never be gone.

I read a post on the FB S&H slash group expressing the person's feelings about the matter and sharing some words a friend of theirs said that since the day I read them they have stuck with me and helped with the grief I've been feeling: "we've lost David, but we'll never lose Hutch."

I wish for his loved ones and for us his fans to, in time, get past the pain and unafraid keep cherishing his life, letting the good memories overcome the sadnesses.

We will always love you, David, and as a great fan of yours, I will have you in my heart forever.

#lets keep famgirling everyone #ill have my breakdown now and then but the good content will keep on #abt that #i know a havent been active on this blog for like a year???? UNACCEPTABLE #i think its a good time to come back #also if anyone wants to talk you know ill always welcome making friends #starsky and hutch #david soul #ken hutchinson #david starsky

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tkblythofficial · 4 months

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Re: R posting T on social media. He's hilarious, oh T you hypocrite. It;s so in line with this ask: https://www.tumblr.com/zeglythofficial/741692415395659777/i-agree-with-the-anon-who-said-t-is-probably?source=share T being a Leo Mars and being "OBSESSED WITH PRAISE... MAJOR validation and an upper hand over those they see as there rivals." It makes me happy to imagine zeglyth together and R feeding us all the content. "He strikes me as the type to boast about having a successful and beautiful partner on his arms." - How interesting that this is so different from his relationship with BB. That he will be prideful going public with her. But it's also completely different since R is a star (and BB has her own say in how her relationship is with T). We know where R stands on public relationship. Oh R, if they do get together, I hope she doesn't get too tempted by the popularity of Zeglyth. There's a line, and with proper communication I'm sure T and R can find that line. Again we're in this for the long game, so they'll be more mature in a few years.

Okay the Karma card is admittedly worrying me a bit. wait come again, IMMEDIATELY, how immediately is that? Why are they so stubborn. Please at least talk to each other.

So we've established they are so ying&yang, and the pillars to support their relationship are COMMUNICATION and COMPROMISE! I am quite invested in them and their PALPABLE CONNECTION, and I really hope that they don't fuck it up. I'll be sad for them, how could they walk away from a connection like that.

They're such dumbass soulmates. They can't ignore their connection forever, they'll have to cave eventually. Also amusing how they're both trying to put up a front with the other. These idiots who care deeply for each other. T caring for her and holding her in a high regard, he respects her so much! See even tarot 2.0 is feeling sorry for them, which means things are bad :(

Okay I'm just gonna focus on the fact that this is current energy. BOSS just released a few months ago and as said, they have their own projects to focus on. Hopefully years from now, they'll be game.

I hope R takes a break from us, or steps back from social media. Do whatever she needs to recuperate.

That last answer was beautiful. Perfectly said at the end, it was very uplifting to us. A reminder to all of us that deep connection that RT shares. The toeing of the line, makes me smile.

They have many long and deep conversations. Shared secrets and good times! T feels R is very different from anyone’s ever met and adores her. The potential will always be there for him. He will always love her and fears he will never feel this way again. No matter how many times they fight and argue, they will always have each other’s back.

He will always love her and fears he will never feel this way again - Oh T. this part is super bittersweet. To show how profound and singular his love for her is and that potential being lost breaks my heart.

All in all, I really hope they don't ignore their connection. This feels like the makings of a once in a lifetime love. I hope they choose their cards right, and things also align for them. I believe in their soumatism.

1. BB and R are so different lol or at least I think. Who knows maybe BB is constantly online too. I’m hoping by the time R and T get together, R is more offline and doesn’t post her man everywhere.

2. Yeah, they shouldn’t resist their connection. That’s dangerous and stupid. The connection is there for a reason.

3. “Even Tarot 2.0 is feeling sorry for them which means things are bad” LOL the shade but yeah if she feels bad then things are terrible for zeglyth rn

4. Friends to lovers! The slow burn will be slow but worth it.

5. Me too! They’re soulmates! Even if they right it for now, they will find a way together again. Maybe PCA will be the first step.

#my answers #written in the stars

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herebedragonsbooks · 8 months

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Storyteller of the month: October, Alice Oseman

Every month from now on I will be publishing a post talking about a storyteller (a writer, director, musician… mostly all kind of artists) who I admire and/or whose works I deeply enjoy. This is a mere way of spreading some online positivity, give some content recommendations and show my love for the people that bring to live the worlds I adore to get lost in. For the first post of this kind, I will be talking about Alice Oseman. Hope you like it 🫶🏼

Alice Oseman is a British writer, illustrator, and screenwriter who is known for their graphic novels Heartstopper and their standalone novels Solitaire, Radio Silence, Loveless, and I was born for this, among others. Their books are an incredible accurate portrait of adolescence at the same time they talk about deep themes like bullying and mental health problems. And of course, we can’t forget that they played an important role in how the LGTBQ+ community has won more representation in YA literature and TV in recent years.

I thought that starting with them would be a good option, since I have just finished watching Heartstopper first season and I recently read Solitaire and Radio Silence. Yeah, I am in my Osemanverse era, and I am going to make it everyone’s else problem 😅 So, without further ado, here is why I love their work so much.

I was introduced to this fandom in a completely unexpected way, through finding a cute picture drawing of Charlie and Nick hugging each other with the words “I want a relationship like theirs” edited above it on Pinterest. I didn’t think much about it, I didn’t even know anything about the books nor the series back then. I just smiled, said to myself that the art style was really cute, and keep scrolling through the app. After that, many Heartstopper related drawings appeared on my dashboard, and I finally decided to give it a try and read it online. Now, I can say without exaggerating that Oseman’s stories are some of the most heartwarming I have ever seen.

Finding myself enjoying this type of content was really strange for me at first, why for? Because until a year I whole heartily believed that I hated romance books (except classic literature ones) just because I felt they were nothing like how imagined being in love would be like for me (Sugarcoat relationships between plain main characters? Thanks but no 😓). That was my first mistake, Heartstopper is not your average romance novel. Yeah, ofc it talks about love but not only romantic love! Loving yourself (with your quirks and little imperfections) your family, your friends… They are also important topics in the Osemanverse, that I really needed to read and learn about.

Alice's books taught me that everyone deserves to be accepted and cared about. That even when anxious thoughts creep inside my mind, there will always be someone to listen and help me go through it. That I could learn to love myself if I tried. That sooner or later I will be end up finding my people. It also made me more aware of the LGTBQ+ community around me, and it was incredibly helpful to tear down some stereotypes that media or other people have made me believe about queer people.

For some personal reasons I related in some aspects to three characters since the begining, Charlie, Tori and Aled. It may sound weird, but seeing them overcoming their problems and finally being able to grow up as the wonderful people they were meant to be was so touching for me. I am really thankful to the author for telling their stories, because no one could have talked about these topics and have reached as many readers as they did. Reading these books made me realize that I was not alone and that I could do it too. So thank you from the bottom of my heart Alice Oseman, really

To finish with, I will say that I recommend their books to anyone who wants to have some new comfort characters on their list or enjoy this fluff, hurt/comfort type of literature. Give it a try, you won’t regret it!

Thanks for reading, until next month! 👋

#Storyteller of the month #author appreciation #Alice Oseman #osemanverse #heartstopper #solitaire #charlie spring #oseman tag #Osemanverse books

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rowanwriting · 2 years

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— about;

since I’ve changed the url of my writeblr as well as my pen name, I thought I’d create a new intro post with links and the like. so here we are! I’m Rowan. I’m 31, gray aro/ace, non-binary (she/they), and I’m an aspiring novelist. I’m also a part time student. I’ve got adhd and I’m exploring a possible autism self-dx, and I deal with chronic pain and anxiety.

I love writing all sorts of genres, from fantasy to science fiction to horror, and I love trying new concepts. my biggest challenge is actually finishing a wip, but I hope to get better at that with motivation from tumblr. I also enjoy dabbling in fanfiction, especially when my original stories hit writer’s block.

please feel free to join me on other social media, linked below, and I look forward to getting to know more people in the writeblr community!

— links;

about // wip page // twitter // instagram // wattpad // archive of our own // gaming twitter // spotify // pinterest // nanowrimo

— works in progress;

lost in death —

Cassidy Sullivan is dead.

He's been dead for five years, watching his girlfriend move on without him. He's been dead for ten years, watching his parents mourn. He's been dead for thirty years, as the world changes around him and he remains the same, in the small apartment he died in. He's been dead for fifty years, and everyone has forgotten him.

Tristan Kent is a psychic.

More of a curse than a blessing, their so-called gift has ruined their life. Unable to go to school or work, they eke out a meager existence be exploiting their abilities from a small metaphysical shop. They don't believe in most of the things they sell, neither gods nor demons nor angels, but they know that something must be real, else they wouldn't be haunted.

When a regular client of Tristan’s volunteers them for a local ghost hunting reality show on the extremely haunted Wentworth Street House, Tristan takes the job only for the money. They have no interest in proving the supernatural to be real — they already know that it is. But the presence that haunts the house is like none they’ve ever sensed before, and their not sure what to make of that, save to find out more.

As the reality show commences, the ten so-called psychics come to exorcise the house. Tristan must discover who is genuine, who is faking it, and whether to help Cassidy resist expulsion. But there is more to the Wentworth Street House than even Cassidy knows, and soon he’s the only thing between Tristan and a sinister force that has remained hidden from his sight all these years.

the kraken —

Fifteen years ago, the love of Marisolle’s young life was discovered and brutally executed by her father, the Prince-Regent, for crimes against the Crown. Hardening her heart, the princess swore never to love again.

Now queen in her own right, married, and with children of her own, Marisolle is content, if not happy. She rules well and is beloved by her people, and her country is more prosperous than ever. But there are enemies on the horizon, and Marisolle soon must seek desperate help if her rule is to survive.

Theovold left his home almost ten years ago to join the queen of Mavacia in an arranged marriage. He loves his children, and adores his wife, even as he feels the deep chasm between them, the pain of a love lost. But his attempts at wooing her may come to a stop when Mavacia is attacked, and a new man comes into her life.

Vincenze is a pirate, nothing more and nothing less. When the Queen of Mavacia offers him a Letter of Marque, permission to sail under her name and banner, in return for his aid in the coming war, he knows that he cannot run from his past any longer.

And as Marisolle, Theovold, and Vincenze come together to face their enemies, the Sea Witch watches, pieces falling into place.

the beyond —

The year is 2284. Humanity has long ago risen to the stars, joining a galactic community of ascended species. No longer alone in the universe, the Helios Accord brought the countries of Earth together into one united government, The Sol Federation.

Emelyn Kane is a washed up soldier, a mercenary working solo. Born far from Earth, she spends most of her time on her ship, going from job to job and trying not to think about how she ended up disgraced and discharged from the human military.

When her ship crash lands on an uncharted planet, Emelyn believes her life, such as it is, has ended. But the planet is life bearing, inhabited by a sentient species. And the indigenous people, the Vescai, have strange abilities — abilities that have kept their massive empire hidden from the rest of the universe.

Even when she gets used to life on the beautiful planet she is now stranded on, Emelyn knows that she is the last person who should be seen as a vanguard of humanity, let alone an ambassador for the entire ascended galaxy.

As the Vescai debate her very appearance on one of their planets, Emelyn must decide if she wished to remain with them, or allow them to wipe her memory or send her home. But her choice might be taken out of her hands, as she soon begins to develop the very abilities the Vescai treasure.

#writeblr #writeblr intro #writeblr introduction #writer community #writers of tumblr #nanowrimo #wip #wip introduction #wip intro #wip: dancing after death #wip: kraken #wip: beyond #mine.

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leohtttbriar · 3 months

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🛼🍄🔪🦷🦋🦴🏜️🍬☁️🧩 (lol I know this is a lot, whatever piques your interest!!)

heyyyy!

🛼 ⇢ describe your latest wip with five emojis

here's a kiradax one that i'm not sure i'll ever finish for reasons but i yet have the urge to write: 🙏😩💦🌊🪱

🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

so i really like t'pring/uhura because i think there's a sort of quietness to them that remains steely and resolved. just looking at how the characters function in the show, it's easy to see how they had so much oomph for their moment while being the kinds of characters now that few people notice or pay attention to. like, for uhura it's nearly impossible to find any content in fan spaces that's about her alone, despite her being a big main character in snw; which probably just speaks to misogyny and racism but also might have something to do with the fact that the character was written to do a lot of watching/listening originally and people don't know how to interpret that. but despite her lack of real character-attention, she gets so many moments where she sets her jaw and does her duty but also does what she thinks is right (also nichols did a very good job of implying this full person in the character of uhura, even if the show was so rarely focused on it). and t'pring has like ten seconds total of dialogue in tos but she's still so in control the entire episode she's in, in charge of the lives of several people, and we simply cannot be mad at her for it because she's right and logical and doing the only thing she can to ensure she is free to choose.

all that being said: my head canon for this pairing is that they aren't enormously expressive, that they're dutiful and bound to each other in this really quiet way, that they grow together sort of privately, keep each other to themselves, and that even when they're standing side-by-side you can't tell what they are to each other. part of that is me just really enjoying vulcan logic and non-expressive emotion. but part of it is extrapolating based on their characters in the show and how they didn't have to be shouting to be heard or seen. the story kind of honored them in the way the story knew how to do at the time.

🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

necessary components of a crop-yielding soil

🦷 ⇢ share some personal wisdom or a life hack you swear on

personal wisdom: sometimes it's easier to capture a monstrous wasp on your kitchen counter if you call your mom and just have her on the phone while you do it

🦋 ⇢ share something that has been on your heart and mind lately

i've been thinking a lot about a quote from stephen jay gould, as he was describing the work of people who had first started to put together the geological time scale and history. i can't remember the exact quote, can't find it anywhere, and i lost the book but it went something like:

"not for the first time, or the last, scientific discovery was achieved not by clever thinking but by careful doing."

🦴 ⇢ is there a piece of media that inspires your writing?

bridge of spies, dir. by steven speilberg.

🏜️ ⇢ what's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

lol i love all comments, truly. they're all precious. i guess i love most the comments from people who love the characters as much as me.

🍬 ⇢ post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character

my most unpopular opinions are about winn adami but i wouldn't call her a popular fandom character. my unpopular opinion is that she should be.

another unpopular opinion that i've probably heavily implied a few times but maybe never outright said: odo is an annoying character, to me. he just seems like the best expression for a lot of mid-90s male anxieties/ennui that i find uninteresting. i think odo is conceptually worth so much but the character fails to carry it in a way that convinces. he was confronted with the wrong people too often. one of the only times he was confronted with the right person was with lwaxana troi but, alas, she was not by his side for all seven seasons.

☁️ ⇢ what made you choose your username?

my first username was leohtebewunden which is old english for "bound/wound by/with light" which is a pretty image and also i need sunlight So Much. but that was long so i shortened it but then i was reminded of the word "briar" in a poem randomly and added it to my username bc i love it. it's a good word.

🧩 ⇢ what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately?

if the punctuation/grammar is just really wrong. that's less to do with me being there are proper ways to do things! and more like if you've read a lot of books, you would probably know how punctuation works without having to think too much about it. it's like banning brown m&ms in your rider.

#now i hope you answer all of mine!!#no pressure or anything #but still...#star trek #t'pura #my fic #ds9

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just-alish · 3 months

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MR14.2024 - How I revived the way I see English and Why I suck at life.

That one's a pretty long read, go ahead and pop in a tune while you're at it, yeah? - 1997 by Småland.

Despite considering myself a sloppy son of a bitch, soon to suffer the wrath of capitalism induced hunger, for the longest time I had this skill of mine that spiked among the others and kept me sane - my English. Here, down in Central Asia it is saddeningly common for people not to know basic English. That is what I think made me stand out in school and is what even now helps me out in uni.

And I’m not saying that I ever was a boy genius. God forbid. In my book, lil’ me just so happened to take interest in the World Wide Web, in which English spoken content was like a treasure trove, levels more appealing in contrast with the grey Russian media of the time. I can thank my iCarly obsessed sisters for introducing me to the concept of filming something and sharing it to strangers online.

It always seemed logical that content made in English is, by rule, superior in quality than the local counterparts. And for some reason, it just seemed like the niche that was there for me to explore. An ever-spreading ocean of sparkling online knowledge, unavailable to the ones around me, for the lack of interest in breaking and overcoming the language barrier, which in reality, is far simpler than it seems.

That is what I consider to be the icky, tricky side of committing yourself to a language most people around you don’t know - you may often make yourself way too alien for many to relate to.

I like to think that English is what shaped me and made my social circle full of interesting people. There was a neat period of my life, when it was lovely to spread the good word of the western media by sharing memes, films, and videos with classmates of mine who listened and liked the stuff I showed.

But, that is also what trapped me in the aforementioned circle.

In order to max out my English, I had to sacrifice my Kazakh, which sort of ruined my social life and has been actively affecting my grades since elementary school. I suppose I simply never noticed how I gradually have made myself more and more distant, enough for my peers to seemingly have a culture different to mine.

I struggled with connecting with new people, and having casual conversations with both close and new friends began growing more challenging, for the simple fact that they were not as terminally online as I am, therefore having their sense of humor not as influenced by brainrot content as mine is. I frequently stumbled over a convoluted idiom, which understandingly made no sense to their ears, referenced memes they never even heard of. The general incompatibility of interests did not make things better for sure.

So, I unconsciously made it my mission to localise my speech, which I believe only made things worse for me. Trying to understand English in order to dumb it down has only killed my passion for it. By speaking “clearly” I lost contact with a funny little British voice in my head that filled my routine with time for silly voice-acting and… kept me alive. As a guy who’s self-image heavily relies on his tool he uses to connect with his world, It felt crushing to seemingly realize my English skills were dull and deteriorating.

It stopped me from further practicing, because I repel stress like a bitch, opting for escapism and ignorance instead. The same escapism that made me the pathetic man I am today.

I am ending this post with a cliffhanger by letting you know that my “mother tongue” is kindly coming to bite me in the ass if I won’t put in the effort to learn it and will probably negatively hit my grades, risking my summer scholarship alongside my chances for a good future.

It’s all no fun. Sucks to be me. My heart aches. My chest sinks and I feel like eating rocks.

#blog #dear diary #vent post #english #language #e

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eyes-on-jesus · 8 months

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Hi! I hope youre having a really awesome day :) I have recently found myself having a bit of a crisis of faith and was wondering if you could help me. Essentially me and the Father have had a rather complex relationship where I turned to Him and then turned away from him and, not knowing what to do, practiced Judaism, Buddhism, and Paganism, which experiences have been chaotically interspersed by connections with the Lord where I have often sworn to Him I will never turn away from Him again and have ended up doing just that many times (not to mention the many times I have slandered His Holy name for various inexcusable reasons). If that is too much to help with, then nevermind :) but if there's a chance you could possibly give me advice, I would really appreciate it! I'm very regretful of things I've done and send about the Lord and I do earnestly wish to make it up to Him somehow. I hope you have the best day/evening/night xxxx

Hello Love ♡

First of all I do not judge you, that is not my place. Second of all, true repentance is the death of sin. If you feel genuine regret and repentance, of course God will forgive you. He just wants you to come home. This situation is very complex so I can't answer every single part here, but here is the advice I can give you with the time I have available rn:

♥︎ It sounds like you are easily influenced, which I can relate to, I used to be a lot lile that. That is a lost part in our hearts that is looking to cling to something and be fulfilled by something, and is looking for excitement. Realizing that you're gonna stop browsing around for new beliefs is a necessity here, because the goal is to come home to Jesus.

♥︎ So unfollow everyone on social media that posts about various religions and spiritualities. Completely go through all of ypur follower lists and unfollow any account that preaches another faith.

♥︎ You need more christian influences. You need to make christian friends, have christian community and consume christian content online. You don't have to agree with other christians on everything. Find people that you like. I like (on youtube) Jess Conte, Nowbloom with Sarah and Kristin Johns, the bible project to start with.

♥︎ You need to read your bible and make it fun. Make a routine for yourself where you start reading the gospels in the new testament to reconnect with Jesus. You could watch "the chosen" online, that show connected me so much to Jesus. Make a worship song playlist and listen to it frequently.

♥︎ Buy a new bible you find really pretty, best of all a journaling bible that is easy to understand like NIV or ESV. If you find your bible pretty, you'll enjoy using it more.

♥︎ It's about a personal relationship with God, not about just finding a favourite religion. You'll never stick with God if you don't know Him, don't talk to Him every day, don't feel an emotional connection to Him. I wouldn't believe in God either if I never really experienced Him or heard from Him (by reading your bible). You need to really fall in love with Jesus.

♥︎ If you have repented, God forgives you. It's not about "making it up to God", God doesn't expect you to mourn forever or give Him some type of gift. He wants intimacy with you. He wants you to talk to Him, to spend time with Him, take your relationship seriously. The best way to make things right is to turn to Him and choose Him and stop letting your heart wander and worship other idols.

I hope that helps dear ♥︎

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my-mt-heart · 1 year

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Oh my God pls dont go on twitter right now its insane. Some carylers and richonners are again arguing and its tiresome. Honestly. I ship both. My hearts belong to Caryl but im sure the fact that they re not canon like Richonne helped in that. If both had become canon by s6 for instance, i would love them both equally. Once R became canon, i instinctively turned to caryl more because i was starving of content while we had plenty of content for Richonne. But i love them both. And honestly, on twitter, both sides can be horrible. No, not all Richonners are ageist assho... No, not all Carylers are racist cun... definiteny not. And even if u ship only one of them, whatever the ship, its freaking fine. These guys are ruining it for everyone, both sides look pathetics in the eyes of GA.

I cannot fanthom why, in a world full of real fucking problems, there can be people fighting about FAKE characters. Being passionate about a show or a ship is one thing and totally fine. Not being able to separate actors from characters (again, from both sides) is ridiculous.

It is ok to ship whatever u want. Yes, even Bethyl, even Donnie, even Carzekiel, even fooking Learyl or whatever. I could not care less personnally. I ship Caryl, period. And i love Richonne. And Rick loves Carol, Michonne loves Carol, vice versa, Michonne has been closer to Daryl since Rick left, obviously Rick and Daryl are brothers, so all of this doesnt make sense. They re family. If they were real, they would be ashamed of those called fans. And i bet the actors are.

Honestly. Im sick of this fight. The show is over. There s a whole Richonne show coming and they re ruining it for me. They were supposed to be a caryl show, who turned into a daryl show, who might become a caryl one one day we dont know im lost but eh, just enjoy, please, people. This is a show. Not real life. Fight racism and ageism where u find it yes, including on medias, but stop arguing for no reasons over the internet for people who are not even real.

Sorry this turned into a rant. Not against u obviously.

Don't worry, it's not hard to convince me not to go on Twitter lol And I think we're on the same page re the ship war. It doesn't make any narrative sense to pit Richonne and Caryl against each other. Like you said, they're all family.

Michonne has always been in my top favorites and I like her relationship with Rick. I love Andy and Danai as actors. I'd definitely watch their show if it wasn't for Gimple working so hard to invalidate the relationship I'm most invested in. There is no sound business reason why Richonne and Caryl fans can't get what they want. There is no sound marketing reason why fans need to be miserable or at each other's throats all the time.

If I'm understanding correctly, you seem more drawn to the chase than actual canon? While I'm all for earning it, there comes a time when debts need to paid off and that should've happened in S11 for Caryl. There's still plenty of room for compelling storytelling post canon.

#caryl #caryl spinoff #carol peletier #melissa mcbride #darylneedscarol

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theirloveisgross · 10 months

Text

faith in the future world tour: us/canada leg

i've been working on this diary entry for a bit and so here it is. it's still a bit fucking mess and it's mostly for me, but yeah.

///

the first leg of the faith in the future world tour has come to an end, and i was very lucky to attend 5 of those shows.

i'm gonna sound like louis, but last year was the best year of my life, and louis' tour had a huge part in it. i will always, always treasure it and i will always remember the feeling of being there for louis' first world tour and the environments we all created together,,and meeting friends i made thanks to him (and the other one) and nothing will ever top that in any sense, i don't think.

however, this tour, for faith in the future, is shaping up to be a massive feat. this leg was LONG (2 months!) and had so many shows (39!), and i still always had the need to watch every single one of them (i think i only missed one?), and it paid off. seeing his growth in confidence and comfort from the first show has been so rewarding and fulfilling, it truly gives me so much joy. and that setlist? it's killer! it's amazing! he loves it! i love it! we love it! also, the venues have been bigger in size in comparison to last year's NA leg, which is amazing, but there's been a slight shift in the fanbase, which i'm not a fan of, BUT we're still here and i still had the time of my life at every show.

and i just want to look back and ramble about my shows... it'll be LONG. look away (or just click for crappy pics and gifs (except for oks' pretty vancouver gif)), not expecting anybody to read, this is just for memory safekeeping, basically.

the first livestream. the anticipation had been so intense, i still remember the feeling. i still remember how my heart was going crazy. and then it happened! and then it was full of surprises! and things that i still can't believe to THIS DAY, the last day of tour, were happening on a louis tomlinson show. namely, the megamix, yes.

i was very sad at the lack of flags. and the subsequent shows didn't help. and me and so many people here were like "the rainbow lights in the megamix!!! why aren't we waving flags!!!"

the night before my first show, after watching the livestream for quebec, i made this post. mind you, that was something that had been brewing in my head since the first show. i always knew that all this time needed the rainbow lights treatment, but after seeing the whole megamix... wow, boi.

anyway...

my first show. may 30 2023 - toronto, on, canada (4th show of tour)

this one wasn't in the original plan when the dates were announced. fast forward to new year's eve and i was checking flight and show tickets and they were cheap, and i bought them.

i lost my job (which i loved) in early april, and looking forward to seeing louis was what kept me afloat and i was happy with my past self who decided to buy this ticket because that meant i would be with him even sooner.

i went with two friends, who i've met in the fandom. and we had a blast! one of them and i volunteered to help with the rainbow fan project during saturdays (*mumbles* yeah, we tried to convince them to switch to the megamix to no avail), distributing papers in our sections we also sat a section closer to the one in our tickets hehehehe.

going into the venue, i saw joshua, and mind you, this was the fourth show of tour, but i KNEW he was the one in charge of lthq's social media with tour content. so i went up to him, and he might have filmed me doing crazy waves at him but i just needed to talk to him. i told him thank you so much for the photos and that i was glad they had given him the lthq password and he laughed and tapped his nose. so, we're best friends now basically, thank.

sadly, my fears were confirmed, there was a lack of rainbows, a lack of pride flags. it was very weird and disorienting. but i decided to wait until the show... maybe they'd pop up (spoiler: they didn't).

anyway... snarls was great! and maaan, i looooove the academic. i had seen them in vancouver a month prior and i was so happy to get to see them again. they're just so fucking good!

and then louis was on stage! wearing green! and gosh, the feeling of seeing him again after... almost 9 months. it was like, "ah, i'm home". i just- i love him so much.

so, just so you know, i go hard on louis and harry's shows. i know all the lyrics. i sing every single one of them out loud. well... for this show in particular, the boy did not stop to make a speech for TEN (10) SONGS! i was losing my breath, i don't know how he was doing it, but me and my friends were struggling to keep up. anyway, he was forgiven immediately when he said he'd forgotten, new show, and all that, jahshahsa. and this man was stiff. i knew this already from the first few shows on livestreams, but yeah, i just wanted to go up there and shake him and tell him to let go (he eventually did a couple of shows later). but he still sounded incredible, his voice is just... it's my favorite sound.

the crowd was... meh. people only sang a bit louder to 505 and the 1D songs. me and my friends were going berserk and people around us just stood there, which, how can you do that during the masterpiece that is the intro to out of my system and the song itself. like- it truly felt like an exorcism, right then and there. it was... it was everything. the megamix live was absolutely breathtaking. going from mold to rainbows is clearly something else, and me and my friends and about two or three very small clusters of like 5 people waved our flags during it (and during any song that we would feel compelled to).

oh, and this show had a couple of technical difficulties. hahahs, the screens stopped working for the most part of a song. they didn't stop the show, but the screens were reset a couple of times and then they were fine. and then the streamers went off right after he finished saturdays (which was still before silver tongues) and he was as surprised as we all were, ahsjhas.

at the end of the show, me and my friends were the last to leave. we saw tom frisco (lighting/visuals) in the sound booth and told him thanks, the visuals and everything were absolutely amazing. i'm sure he needed that even more on that show (although he probably thinks what would we know, oh but we do, we watch every show ahsjhajsha).

that night i decided to take it into my own hands and made the crazy decision to start the vancouver project for the megamix (@fitfwtvancouver). i was already toying with the idea, but i know how stressful these projects can be.... but after the show... i was like "this needs to happen. it needs to happen. the whole place needs to be filled with rainbows... rainbows on the stage, rainbows in the crowd... i'm crazy, i don't have any money, but i'll try my darn best".

my second show. june 24 2023 - seattle, wa, usa

and so my louis week begins! almost a whole month after my first show, and a shitload of livestreams in between, where louis had started to have the most fun on tour, and the show right after the tragedy that was red rocks. there i was.

first time seeing andrew cushin live. i wasn't much of a fan of his music when i listened before tour. he has a great, great voice but his music just isn't for me (and something about his personality doesn't click with me and then red rocks happened and that confirmed it even more so yeah). and then the snuts, my beloved! it was my... third time seeing them, but my first time already knowing more of their music and they're just SO. GOOD. i really hope they tour vancouver next year.

i was at the back of pit for this show, and it was amazing. we were unsure what his energy would be like, but he seemed to be in great spirits, probably hyped himself up a lot and the crowd at the front was really amazing, so that helped. i saw him in green. again. this time green sweatpants and a white tank top. he looked beautiful. this was also the first show he performed common people, and i was expecting saved by a stranger or high in california. but then the lights were orange, i frowned, the music started, i kept frowning, he started singing, i started singing along still frowning, and THEN IT HIT ME. i hit my friend maia so hard on the shoulder, and we screamed and we sang so loudly (me and my group were the only ones singing around us, yikes). it was beautiful!

the @/rainbowmegamix project had also been set in motion a few shows before this one by emmu and sus, driven by the same thing i felt: "where. is. the. damn. pride!" and it made such a difference.

dancing and going absolutely deranged in the back of pit has been one of my favorite experiences. during out of my system we absolutely LOST it. we made a tiny moshpit (not even called that), it was like 5 of us, but ugh, so fucking fun. it's one of my favorite parts of the show, definitely.

i loved this show! it was so different from my first one. louis was so much more relaxed, and he let go a bit more and just... he's amazing. every time i see him i come out loving him more and more, and feeling such an immense amount of pride.

my third show. june 26 2023 - vancouver, bc, canada

it's been a month and my heart still jumps when i think about this day.

the day was here! the day i'd see if the project would work. i had a lot of fun organizing this project (because i did it myself), but i also dealt with fandom outside my bubble and that was not fun but i'll spare those details. i will forever be grateful to everyone that donated money to the project. with that money i was able to buy beautiful paper, print on it and buy flags. i am also grateful for the people that decided to help distributing papers in the seated sections. i was in the pit, so i couldn't manage that, and i was stressed, but it all turned out fine. i communicated with each volunteer individually before, during and after the show and i thanked them so much, i don't think they have any idea how eternally grateful i'll be.

i was so fucking anxious before the show. communicating with volunteers, making sure my other volunteer had given them the bags with the papers, etc. then we went in. we ended up being fourth row, i think, right in front of michael. louis walked out in all black, with the freaking rose shirt (that also had green in it). oh, core memory! during the "don't throw anything on stage" announcement, when it said "take a step back", literally everyone around me took a step back and i just started laughing because it was one of the most canadian things ever. and honesty, where we were, we weren't pushed and we had a bit of space to dance and move, it was great! there was a young girl in front of us, i'm gonna say she was probably 18-19, and she was with her little sister, who was like 12? and they were sooo cute. the older sister knew the lyrics to all the songs, and we sang together several times, it was just such a great atmosphere.

i barely enjoyed written all over your face because i knew it was coming. aaand... the megamix started, with the vibey amazing sounds. i look around... no colors yet. it's fine. the song hasn't started... and then it does. and then the lights start popping up... the flags start to raise... my heart was racing... he starts singing. i look around me and i'm just... in awe. this show had a lot of empty seats and i was worried, but IT LOOKED GOOD! i was so overwhelmed. i took a quick video because i needed to have it on my phone and then just focused on being present again, with louis, with my friends, with the rainbows, with everyone. and then we transitioned into she is beauty we are world class, and fuck... i just. i just remember screaming "surrounded by lights" and thinking "this is it, this is what it's supposed to look like, all the rainbows". i didn't cry, i didn't feel in my own body. it was weird.

the show went on... i had the best time! i love every moment of that show! making up a whole theatrical performance during chicago, leaving it all during out of my system, flipping him off during the baba o'riley bit on where do broken hearts go, agressively waving my pride flag for 82% of the show. it's... it's the best. it's my favorite place to be.

that night, in my house, after consuming most of the stuff i saw here, and finding videos of the lights and the flags... when i went to bed, around 2am, i started bawling. i couldn't stop. i think i cried for like 20 minutes straight. i couldn't believe i pulled it off, with some help, of course, but the sole sheer will was all mine, because i was so determined to do it, because i needed a venue to look like that for the whole megamix. it was that feeling that i had last year, that safety and community, it was all bottled up and it all just came out. it was how happy and safe this made me, how at home i felt, how louis music made me feel, how i could see what he saw... and- yeah.

then the next day one of the photos they uploaded to lthq was when he was sitting down looking at the crowd and the lights, in between both songs. and sure... they've posted a few shots of that moment from other shows in other days, but... it's the fact that we know what was in front of him then. what he was looking at. i will never ever forget that day. i won't know what it meant for him for sure, but i know what it did for me and some people, and i will never forget it.

my fourth show. june 27 2023 - troutdale, or, usa

waking up to start again... packed up, and me and my friend drove down to oregon. to do it all over again.

i had around 350 flags for this show that emmu had sent me. the venue was outdoors, and it was beautiful. the pit was seated and we were 8th row. we distributed all the flags so fast, everyone wanted one, even the venue staff, who were all so genuinely happy about the flags. i saw someone else giving out a package of flags. it felt so... so... we were bringing the rainbows back alright! <3

louis walked out in a jamaica football jersey (it was yellow, but it also had green) and wearing sunglasses for the first time, because it was still very bright. he looked so super cool! and it was another great show, i had the time of my life singing along to every lyric and waving my flag agressively, again. and i walked out (after shouting out my friends in the sound booth) loving louis even more.

enjoy these gifs of me aggressively waving my flag at louis and directing the band too (i couldn't stop laughing when i found these videos).

my fifth show. june 30 2023 - los angeles, ca, usa

and my last show rolled up! after flying from portland to los angeles the day before, i met up with one of my closest friends in the fandom who had just arrived to their home in la from düsseldorf (oh, yes, they had just seen harry there, yes, hahshjahsa).

this was my last chance to try for the tour bracelet, so me and my friend lined up for merch, they were gonna buy but i was only going to if they still had the bracelets. so we reach the cashier and i ask, and he puts his hands in his pockets "to check" and says that he doesn't have them anymore, so i pout, and whine a little bit but it is what it is. my friend bought theira shirt, and we're walking away and then we hear a "psst, psst", and it's the merch guy on the side of the stand being like, "here" and gave us two bracelets, lmao. so very nice of him, and i didn't have to spend extra money (i already have a crewneck). anyway! the hollywood bowl is a GORGEOUS venue. i was taken aback! it had picnic areas, and we listened andrew from there while eating some snacks with other friends. it was SO delightful!

then we went to our seats, in the section behind pit, and i had around 350 flags from the project and we started giving them out, and gosh, they go so fast, everyone wants one. just... i just hope this keeps going.

and then he walks out again... wearing a hoodie that was mostly yellow and black but it also had green. :D hahsjahsa. i saw him with green all 5 times, yes. anyway, he had a knitted meshy black tank top underneath, that he fully revealed right before 505 when he took off his hoodie. that thing was SHEER, okay? whew. another amazing show, of course! the smell of weed was STRONG during high in california, as expected, and he loved it.

the megamix was beautiful! there were so many flags and there was a rainbow lights project for sibwawc and it looked so beautiful! i broke down unexpectedly and hard during all this time (the only other time i ever cried at a concert was at harry's show in lisbon last year, also unexpectedly, during love of my life followed by fine line). i guess something about my last time seeing him for a while, about the project i had just pulled off, about everything coming together, about seeing flags again at louis' shows, about being there with a close friend... we hugged, and cried, and it was a moment i will always remember because... the friends we make, it's worth it all this time.

out of my system was especially extra cathartic for reasons you might know, it was incredible. and silver tongues... that song... has been the epitome of what tour is. the epitome of traveling around with your friends, going to shows, doing these things over and over because you love it, and when you're the happiest, and you just don't feel like going home. louis knocked it out of the park with that one (i mean, the whole album but yknow what i mean). thank you from the bottom of my heart.

///

and so the tour came to an end. there were SO MANY shows! 39 shows in 65 days! that's like... a show every 1.5 day. insane! some of them were okay, some of them were amazing! louis' confidence skyrocketed! these shows were a lifeline for me (alongside harry's shows for the last two months *eye twitch*). i am happy louis and the lads and the crew get to rest for a bit, before the third edition of afhf (that it pains me to miss) and then the european leg. i am so proud of what they've accomplished! i am so proud of what they and we pulled off. how we came together during a horrible time and how we came out of it stronger, maybe. it still feels like a big family and that's what matters to me.

again, eternal gratitude to emmu and sus for starting the @/rainbowmegamix and spreading it and being so generous. i get teary eyed thinking about what we've accomplished, and my heart gets so full because... it felt like we really got back on track a bit, didn't we? the sense of safety and community that was so important in last year's tour was felt again. there are so many new fans, who aren't really paying attention to louis' music and are just there to see that guy from one direction they barely remember when they were 7 years old and maybe get a viral video for tiktok about a sign interaction. so... if this project, at every show, even made ONE (1) of those new fans wonder why there were so many pride flags, and maybe dig a little deeper and maybe get interested in who louis really is, watch some old interviews, listen to him, get to know him, see how he's changed over the years... that's a win. and i hope everyone felt welcome and safe in that environment, regardless.

this was just the beginning of the FAITH IN THE FUTURE WORLD TOUR. i can't wait to see what's in store! and i can't wait to be part of it again! louis, drop the latam dates, por favorcito.

#rambling #fitfwt experience #i just needed to put it all down to maybe come back and read it whenever #like that thriwi post i have around

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gra-sonas · 2 years

Note

A big thanks for all the uploads you share with us. That's so cool and nice of you to do this Malex / Vlamburn History for everyone of us. Can I ask you what touches you more in this ship ? What made you do this blog specifically on them ? Like do you think the writers and actors succeeded in telling sth different than the other "queer" love stories :) thanks

Hi, and thank you so much for your message! ❤️

Honestly, this blog is also for me. I'm an archivist at heart and just LOVE having a blog where I can cross-reference the (also neatly labeled/sorted 🤪) content on my computer.

(That's why I'm still mourning the loss of my previous blog so much btw, +50K posts/7 years of meticulously tagged - mostly - Tyler Hoechlin content. I still have it all on my computer, so it's not like I lost the content itself, but I lost the archive, and that pains me more than anything).

ANYWAY, before I start rambling even more about this (which I totally could *cough*) I'll try and answer your question.

I lost my previous blog at the end of 2018 in the Great (NOT-ACTUALLY-GREAT) Tumblr purge, and when RNM started airing in January 2019, that wound was still so fresh, and I was still so mad at Tumblr, I didn't want to start another blog.

So I kept my S1 fangirling to Twitter (and Discord). And while I LOVE Twitter (it's my favorite social media site by far), it's really shit for what I love most (and what I've done for several fandoms prior to RNM on various platforms), and that's collecting info/pics/videos and share them with likeminded people.

So, roughly 2 or 3 weeks after S1 ended airing, I came back to this hell-site and set up this blog. And it's been an absolute joy (especially during the rather hard first 2 pandemic years) running it. This time it wasn't just the collecting and sharing of info tho, it was the interaction with others (shoutout to all the wonderful nonnies who sent countless asks over the years, ILU ❤️) that kept me going.

As for Malex/Vlamburn - for me, Malex have been the heart of the show from the very first episode. Vlamburn's on-screen chemistry is out-of-this-world amazing, and it was the easiest thing to extend my love for the characters (Alex Manes is my favorite character ever, next to Derek Hale) to the actors, who were endlessly generous with giving us so much amazing content over the years.

I won't pretend that I'm super fond of what the writers did with Malex over the years (there's a reason why I've only watched bits and pieces of S2, and skipped a large chunk of S4), for me it's always (ALWAYS) been down to Tyler and Vlamis.

No matter what the writers put them through, they always poured every ounce of emotion into Alex and Michael, and that's what got and kept me hooked, and that's what made and makes Malex so special.

So, for me it’s never been down to the writing (that ranged from utter rubbish over okay-ish to some truly golden moments), it were Tyler and Vlamis who roped me in with their performances, and then they kept me hooked bc it turned out that both of them are also exceptional people.

And while I adore the entire cast, and I’ll miss them all terribly, I’ll very likely keep my focus on following Tyler and Vlammy’s careers in the future here (hopefully adding some new things to the mix over time, too, I kinda really miss blogging about my other favorite Tyler - who looks fucking amazing in the new S3 Superman suit btw!!! 🔥).

Wow, now you had to endure several paragraphs of my rambling anyway. SORRY! (I hope you’ll find answers to your questions somewhere in this word vomit 😳)

#exploreandlearn19 #rnm salt

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haxzie · 1 year

Text

Nighttime Visit

Media: The Quarry (2022)

Relationship: Jacob Custos and Nick Furcillo (Custillo)

Timeline: Post-Quarry Events

Word Count: 1671

nick decides to show up unannounced to talk to jacob about that night—but not without an interruption.

another lil thing i wasn’t planning to post, but it’s here now! i also reread this a million times so if anything is off, i probably lost my sanity trying to find it. post the quarry events. enjoyyy

jacob heard a few rhythmic taps on his bedroom window. he froze for a few seconds before slowly turning toward the window behind him. his heart almost dropped to his ass at the sight of nick behind the glass pane, his innocent smile made him feel at ease immediately after. he pushed himself off his bed, hissing at the jolt of pain in his right ankle, and went to his windowsill. the lock on the window released with a ‘click’ and he clamped the top of the frame to push it upwards. nick giggled at the boy’s face of concentration wither away

“you still wear hats in the house, eh?”

jacob rolled his eyes as he pushed himself off the sill. “nick. what are you doing at my window?”

nick played with the hems of his letterman jacket, looking off to the side as he muttered, “i don’t know, i see it all the time in the movies.”

“what?”

“what…?”

“just—go to the door, nick, please.”

“but what if you hobble to the door and like—trip or something,” nick questioned with a hint of seriousness in his tone.

“and what if you eat shit climbing through my window?”

“i guess you don’t know until you try?”

“yeah. okay. go ahead, loser.”

jacob backed up to sit at the foot of his bed and reached for his television remote, muting the audio. nick easily lifted his right then his left leg over the sill, ducking his head under the upper half of the window to get into the boy’s bedroom.

the taller boy sighed out with content, “skill!”

jacob felt a pang of joy in his chest after hearing the little remark. it was one of the things he himself said whenever he completed something he thought was ‘difficult’, maybe nick picked up on it during camp. he averted his eyes from the other’s figure and focused on the silent tv. “you are such a nerd,” jacob grumbled.

“i know you are, but what am i?” nick teased. he gestured to the window in a ‘should i close it’ way and jacob just waved it off. nick walked over to a desk chair across from the bed and spun it toward his friend to sit in.

“did you come here just to annoy me or do you need something? do your parents even know you’re here?”

“little jakey concerned about me? who would’ve knew?”

“nick.”

“okay okay, no. i wanted to talk about… something. and you’re a really dry texter.”

“you really want to be punched don’t you?”

“no harm, no foul!” nick shrugged as he spun in the seat a couple times, waiting for a response.

jacob did not know what he could possibly want to talk about. does he know too? he didn’t want to derail into a panic before nick even told him the reason why he wants to talk, although he couldn’t stop the guilt eating at him in the back of his mind. he was hunched over with his elbows on his knees and fiddling with his fingers. he inhaled sharply, “what did you come here for?”

the taller boy cleared his throat and stared at the top of jacob’s cap.

“i couldn’t really sleep because erm..no one has really, ya know, talked about what happened before everything. that night.”

jacob sighed out, “i really don’t want to talk about it, please.”

“i just. i just wanted to say i’m sorry. for everything, including you know who. i really—”

a groan left the shorter’s mouth, “that is literally the least of my concerns. i almost died multiple times all because i was crying over some stupid, stupid girl,” his voice faded out.

“we all know how much she meant to you, i swear,” nick chewed his bottom lip anxiously. he also didn’t want to talk about emma and jacob in general, considering how jealous he was of their relationship, but apologizing felt like the only way he could get over that. “you know it was just a game though. it didn’t mean anything. i was buzzed anyway and you… know.” he could tell he was making it awkward, at least he thought, but he heard sniffles and watched the latter hurriedly wipe tears from his eyes.

“i’m sorry i’m bad at this.”

“i swear if you apologize one more time,” jacob laughed weakly, staring into the palms of his hands. “you’re not the one to blame anyway. all that was so stupid compared to what i, we, went through later. no point in apologizing.”

nick felt a pinch in his stomach. he doesn’t remember much about their last night at hackett’s quarry. half of it he was tipsy and the other was…unexplainable at the least. when he was found in the middle of the forest near dawn, he was taken into custody immediately. which was reasonable because he had blood all over him and a lack of wounds. ryan and laura were the only other two that weren’t immediately taken into emergency care. when they were released, they went to the hospital nearby and on the way discussed what the fuck happened with nick—which was extremely baffling to him. so he could never understand what everyone else went through, but at least he could apologize for what he understood. he knows what he did before the night went downhill and anything to reassure jacob, at least a little bit, would make him feel better about himself ever so slightly.

“i know i’ll never understand,”

jacob cut him off with a harsh tone, “stop. please. i’ve heard that everyday since we left.” “i’m sorry,” nick’s voice faltered. when could he not mess up?

silence followed by soft sobs were coming from the boy in front of him, to which he stood from the desk chair and rushed to jacob’s side. he sat to the right of jacob and instinctively placed his hand on the other’s back to console him. the urge to embrace him was strong, but maybe jacob didn’t want to be hugged right now. their sides and knees were touching at least, to show that he is there. but nick had no idea what to say, he was horrible with verbal comfort.

the air was thick with silence, the only distraction being the overly cheery cartoon flashing on their profiles. nick felt the mattress dip and a head against his shoulder. he looked to his left and noticed jacob’s cries died back down to occasional stifles.

the boy’s hand came to a stop and rested on jacob’s upper arm, that he gave a hopeful squeeze. the circumstance was unfortunate, but the moment of vulnerability was refreshing—especially with someone he wants to get closer to, even after everything. he never wanted to let go, until he did. they were both alarmed by the door being swung open by jacob’s mother. jacob jolted upward and whipped his head to the door, hitting nick in the forehead with the brim of his hat. there was a quick exchange of ouches and sorry’s before returning their attention to the woman in the door way.

his mother glanced between the two then to the open window behind them and furrowed her eyebrows. “you weren’t going to tell me we had a guest?” she folded her arms across her chest, staring at jacob with a curious look in her eyes that softened at the sight of the dried tears along his face.

“i’m sorry miss custos,” nick tried to stand but the shorter gently yanked the back of his jacket sleeve to sit back down.

“we just wanted to talk for a bit and i didn’t want to bother you or anything,” jacob stood up instead and walked over to his mom. she gestured she needed a moment alone with her son and closed the door behind them. nick sat patiently, drumming the pads of his fingers against his thighs as he trailed his eyes around the room. there weren’t many decorations up other than a deteriorating poster and art-pieces from kids he counseled in which nick assumed were previous years or else jacob is indeed terrible at arts and crafts. his attention was turned towards the door as he heard it creak open. jacob was clearly flustered as he walked in and shut the door behind him, leaning his body against it. “moms are so embarrassing,” he hinted at their conversation in the hallway. nick was unsure if he should crack a joke so he asked whether or not he should leave and if he was okay.

“if you try to leave through the front door, i think my mom will interrogate you.”

“she seems like a lady i wouldn’t want to mess with.”

“you don’t know the half of it.”

they sheepishly smiled at each other.

“thank you,” jacob said in a hushed manner, staring at the hardwood floor beneath him. “thanks for coming out here even though you didn’t have to.” he pushed himself off his bedroom door and sat beside nick, a little farther this time.

“it’s the least i could do.” which wasn’t a lie. originally he wanted to go after jacob when him and abi went separate ways into the woods, but his friends suggested otherwise. emma didn’t seem all that happy being told to go after jacob instead either.

in all honesty, he probably would’ve told him a secret he’d been holding on to a majority of the two months they’d spent together as counselors. it was supposed to be their last day at the camp anyway. if he were rejected he would never have to see jacob again, but that chance has been gone.

“you’re painfully nice, i hope you know that. other than you throwing my phone to me from, like, 50 feet above.”

“no way. at least you caught it! and it was like barely 10 feet over your head.” nick taunted, playfully nudging his shoulder into jacob’s.

“10, 50, it’s all the same.”

“someone failed 3rd grade math.”

“okay, hold on—”

END.

#haxzie #the quarry #nick furcillo #jacob custos #custillo #the sillies #supermassive games #sfw #lezcentral

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feisaru · 1 year

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I have 2 questions: - What got you into Inazuma Eleven and into shipping SaruFei and -What is your MBTI?

I like those two asks a lot! I've been waiting for someone to ask me about it for ages. Thank you!

First, about my MBTI. I am one pretty solid INTJ, I have a tendency to lean towards ENTJ in certain aspects tho. (As a little trivia on the side: I'm interested in MBTI and so have been researching functions etc. for quite some time now)

What got me into IE?

Simple. My brother. Summer 2018, he was always watching that annoying soccer show on TV at our grandparents' house, always asking me to come join him. And you know what? One day, I did, and it was one of the best decisions throughout my entire life. The show (only the first season back then) grew onto me rapidly, especially its lovable characters. Heck, IE had me in such a chokehold that I even played soccer with my brother bc of it. At the very beginning, Afuro was living in my head rent-free. He specifically helped me through some very rough times and I will never forget that. He will always be dear to my heart. I did get "out of" IE at some point for reasons, but I always wound up coming back to it cause turns out, no other franchise has ever quite given me as much comfort as this one. Across the last few years, I've been always returning to it with my thoughts whenever it got especially bad. I'm glad I managed to properly come back to it and have it be a big part of my everyday life (hyperfixation be damned (very lovingly)).

Now, imo, Chrono Stone deserves a honorary mention. The CS game (and later the anime) made me feel approximately ten times better than the rest of IE, and that's something. Long story short, I picked up the game from the store the first time I was into IE right after I had done research and learned that this franchise is actually based on games. There was no other game there, so I thougt this would do, too. Then I didn't touch it until 2021. The reason I started playing it was that I desperately needed to escape reality and CS succeeded at distracting me excellently. Coming home in the evening to open my Nintendo was the single highlight of my day.

How did I become insane over Sarufei?

Good question, anon. I cannot really pinpoint the moment it happened, but I can tell you it was pretty quick. Their first bits together already caught my attention in the most brain-tickling way possible, like this one:

The CS manga panel where they let Saryuu cry after he lost and Fei reassures him played into that too (I bought the manga solely for that, but turns out it was overall good). I could go on and on about their psychological aspects that spoke to me right off the bat, but I'll spare you that. Before I knew it, I was trying to search out content of them at 3 am on a week day (good content of them is pretty hard to come by with, in my experience at least). My head was really really really full of them, as it is now as well. They're pretty much the reason I picked up drawing & content creating again after years. The first thing I did after I finished playing CS was draw them and create a social media account so I can post it, so I can find someone to talk about them to. I had to channel how unhinged I'm over them somehow. They're also the reason I still keep on drawing. They make so fucking ill and I'm rotating them in my head at all times.

In conclusion, thanks for letting me go wild through text although this is by far not the best thing I've ever written

(I have. So much to say its jarring but sharing my stuff makes me anxious sometimes nonetheless)

#feisaru receives asks #i wanted an excuse to talk about this for so long #its good nobody will ever see this too #if u got any more questions come at me anon #ask #anon #also just quickly about their shipname #solely bc i felt like talking abt it #feisaru prolly #fits what i think of them a little better #at least as far as others peoples method of composing ship #names goes #fei is the one much more comfy with the idea of them being affecionate with each other in the beginning #but sarufei is the name im used to #and its a name i keep close to my heart as well #the thing is who cares about who gets the front of the shipname and who the back?? it doesn't matter #esp when the power dynamic evens out more eventually #still feisaru does sound very nice. that's why i'm now polluting that tag with my drawings too #my brain is a bit tired after the past week #loads of humans loads of walking not too much sleep and freetime. yeah #forced to be out with my class yk the drill #feisaru #heh #sorry for the choppy tags read them like theyre not choppy #i always go insane whenever i get asks

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