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theoldworldsrunnerup · 22 days

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dear mootie I read your post and I'm sorry you feel that way :'( I don't really care that much what people will think about me for posting soichello but I see where you're coming from and it sucks, it's not right. Fandom should be the place ppl go to have fun not get bullied or bully others. I've also sort of ridiculed the ship (& myself for enjoying it) at times but only jokingly.. like, that's lowkey part of the package for me, and I thought it was the same for other shippers too. I never considered it might've influenced others negatively, and if that's the case I wanted to apologize. I hope this situation gets better for you, honestly i don't see how anyone could be mad at you, deprecation or otherwise.. liking stuff, even niche ass things, is not the problem, the 'climate' on the internet is.

Anyway, just know that if u want I have soichello art and bad memes ready send and I'm down to talk abt those two absolutely whenever ok? Ofc u don't have to answer this but lmk c: (Also sorry I'm like. physically unable to send asks off anon💀 hope you don't hate me💀💀)

Omg hi um. I’m not quite sure how to respond to this, but first of all: thank you. I actually really appreciate this. Like I don’t think I could put into words how much I appreciate this.

I feel like I should say that I do make fun of practically every pairing I ship. It, too, is apart of the package for me like it is for you. I guess the problem with what I tend to do with soichello is kind of like. Clinging onto the irony of it/ridiculing it to the point where I actually feel mean. I’ve never taken anyone else making fun of the pairing to heart (because, taking everything about them in canon into consideration, it is objectively a little ridiculous), but I suppose I’m so aware of the fact that I have the potential to make others feel negatively that I take what I say to heart, and feel so much more horrible (And in the end I kind of attempt to balance the deprecation so that I negatively affect as little people as possible. I know you can’t please everyone but goddamn do I try 😭😭). But anyways I doubt you’ve negatively impacted anybody, reflecting on the post a day later I think this was just me being paranoid tbh.

It’s been super hard for me to unlearn the shame I have surrounding certain interests of mine, but seeing other people enjoy them makes it so much easier.

PLEASE feel free to send me art/memes/anything soichello related literally whenever. I should mention that I am absolutely AWFUL in one on one conversations and am like. Almost physically incapable of initiating conversations myself (this also ties into my fear of being perceived negatively lol). But if it means I get to talk about them I will try so very hard.

(Also don’t worry about the anon thing, I totally get it!! I usually default to anon myself (although it depends on what the ask is/why I’m sending it), and I definitely don’t hate you.)

#ask

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and-i-said-fewer · 1 year

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HI THERE I SAW YOUR TAGS FREAKING OUT ABOUT ELBOW ON MY GERASKIER PLAYLISTS AND !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

little fictions is the only album I know by heart cover to cover, but I certainly enjoy the others!

SERIOUSLY THOUGH

WHENEVER I SEND ANYONE AN ELBOW SONG REC IN THE CONTEXT OF A CHARACTER THEY ALWAYS SAY THEYD NEVER CONSIDERED IT BEFORE AND I HONESTLY THOUGHT IT WAS JUST ME HAVING A NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS MOMENT

you’ve made my day

holyyyyyy shittt im so sorry i didn’t see this before but it’s only *checks watch* well over a month late !! (sorry.) but yEA my mancunian friend introduced lil american me to elbow and theyve topped my spotify wrapped (yes even above tad) the past two years lol their stuff means a lot to me and is also So Good

but fs like. again i would Not ever insinuate that elbow is Niche or Unpopular—literally played the olympics etc etc—but i do think that they aren’t necessarily in The Minds Of Fandom™️ very much. but MAN they have such a great discography and sm good songs it’s like *makes aggressive grabby claws at the air* so much potential!!!! overlooked!! unseen!! (yes i’m being dramatic. not sorry)

anyways if anyone who sees this listens to elbow PLEASE hmu i love talking abt elbow songs

aaaaannndd uuuhhhhh 👉🏽👈🏽 hopefully not beign too pushy but uhhh. if anyone here wants some fandom related recs……. i’ll just throw out a couple so i’m not being Too Much but:

hotel istanbul [listed as a non-album track under the seldom seen kid (bonus tracks version) album on spotify] - oh my god if anyone listens to One [1] song i write here PLEASE let it be this one. every time i scroll through geraskier playlists and don’t see this song i feel Robbed. to me it feels sooooo them but no one else knows about it and i lose my mind. idk if musically it fits everyone’s vibe check but Lyrically. holy fuck holy shit. like to my understanding it’s abt a guy who’s havin a shite day but this other person’s presence makes them feel better or smthn??? anyways it’s fuckinnnn haaghhh i’m- it literally goes “damn your eyes / so blue” LIKE????? i lose my mind over this song in geraskier context every time someone Please listen to it and tell me if i’m going insane or not

puncture repair [under leaders of the free world album] - man i love this lil guy sm. diff energy from hotel istanbul but i see this one as the quieter geraskier moments, the travelling together for 20 years. it’s so quiet, it’s so routine, it’s motions that are muscle memory, it’s care etched in creases, it’s thoughts traced through nerves for the thousandth time. also works from either pov i think

bones of you [under the seldom seen kid album] - i think?? this could be a yennefer song??? either abt istredd or just like her past life. also sonically i rlly like the vibe for her, dunno if anyone else’d agree w that tho

audience with the pope [under the seldom seen kid album] - ok honestly i dont know if this one’s very accurate since i wouldnt call myself an arbiter of quality yen&geralt vibes, but i do think of them when i listen to this song so,,? do with that what u will

anyway i have oodles and oodles of these but these ones that r like, supported lyrically the best ig??? sorta?? maybe not but yea ive got elbow-witcher song thoughts for Days but the other ones are maybe more vibes-based so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ but if anyone’s intrigued…… i mean hmu

#witcherteevee #elbow music #this IS listen to elbow propaganda btw. unashamedly #it’s funny bc like. i listen to all the elbow albums i kinda just sometimes pick one to play off of whatever mood im in etc etc #but since they have like sm songs n albums and stuff #it was rlly funny to see my spotify wrapped songs/artists distribution #i was telling my friend who intro’d me to them that my highest elbow song was seven veils at like 22 or thereabouts #(i had like two or three tad songs top 5)#and they were like: ah. fair enough #then i dropped that ‘aND IM A TOP .005% ELBOW LISTENER AGAIN LETS GOOO-’#the individual song distribution is not the highest but with all of it combined… mwah #it’s simply bc they have too many good songs i must spread the love to all the albums

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janiedean · 3 years

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I feel bad for all the nice J*nsa shippers who like their ship for whatever reasons (tropes, pretty art, aesthetic appeal, whatever) and know it's not canon but get associated with the misogynistic Dany hating crowd who act like Jon being attracted to Ygritte is J*nsa foreshadowing because red hair (I guess Jon should fuck Edmure Tully too? Omg give me Dark!Jon getting revenge on Catelyn by seducing her brother!) Tell me something. I'm new to the fandom but was J*nsa popular before the show? And I've heard something about the OG J*nsa shippers being alienated by the new shippers who insisted it had to be canon and acted like the series is called, "A song of J*nsa #danysux." I don't find that hard to believe because I know people who are now ashamed of calling themselves J*nsa shippers. Like, at this point, it's not only rival shippers who hate it. Even Gendrya/Braime/Jon stans/etc have started disliking that ship. You know your fandom is a problem when people who have nothing to do with Jnsa have a problem with it.

me: reads this ask

me: iwastheregandalf.gif which I can't find now but

okay anon buckle up because I am sadly well-equipped to answer this ask but before I do lemme tell you dark jon seducing edmure to take revenge on cat is LITERALLY THE BEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD but *clears throat* ALL RIGHT THEN.

disclaimer: as anon says I have no issue with like the shippers mentioned by anon in the beginning and ngl I agree, I have ABSOLUTELY ZERO FUCKING STAKES in the j*nsa vs j*nerys war and the only het jon ship I gaf about is jon/ygritte and we all know where that ended up I just... have been here since 2011/adwd was over and all the fic around was just for the books under secret lj communities and asoiaf qualified for yuletide and I have... seen... things.... and I actually have like uh had... beef... with some people in there and I know things bc ppl who hated those others told me stuff so anyway *sigh* buckle up anon I'mma tell you the story of jon shipwars through the years

in order, the old gods help me here, under the cut bc this is long as fuck

when I got into fandom also given what numbers were on ao3 one ship was popular and it was sansan. no like sansan was lit. the only asoiaf ship on ao3 with more than 200 fics. jb had twenty when i checked first. jc had like around 100-ish because of the show but sansan dwarfed anything. I posted the first jon/ygritte fic on the ao3 tag and the fourth throbb fic and like the others were all reposts from lj kinkmemes. nothing was popular before the show except for sansan when it comes to huge numbers bc grrm doesn't like fic and it was all hush hush until the show made it impossible to control and that ship was the one with a huge enough fanbase it actually had numbers, so like... j*nsa wasn't popular in the way nothing else was popular until it got screentime on the show

now, that stated, j*nsa had a... fair amount of fic for a rareship which was mostly book-based and from og shippers that were there from before the show and liked it for what it was but literally none of them thought it was gonna be canon, like it wasn't huge or anything but it had a small but dedicated fanbase who did their own thing and thought it was fun/liked the idea but that was it

that fandom had their own niche of hcs that they cultivated and shit except that like... at the end of S5/beginning of S6 there was a surge in shipping for... well obvious reasons bc it was obv sansa was getting to the wall and that would have been all nice and good but a) it was the time puritanical shipping was starting to take root and the 'shipping sansa with sandor or tyrion is hella problematic' rhetoric had started to circle coming from sans*ery shippers mostly but I'mma not open that fucking can of worms here, b) while the ending of S5 had more of a theon/sansa spike, the j*nsa stuff started getting big

now here we have to mention my villain origin story ie: j*nsa fandom had this one stan whose name I won't make because honestly it's been years and if she's still around I don't want her to remember I exist who was a bnf, wrote for... the website that created the whole larry/carol thing etc who was really fixed on this thing that j*nsa was actually canon and started writing extremely popular meta about it. now you're gonna ask how do you know, I know because this person once wrote a meta named 'why robb stark is a dick' and I told her that it was really fucking bad meta and she took it so badly she kept on trash talking me on her blog/her podcast (I was apparently the insane robb stark fangirl l m a o good lord) and like that was when some sane ppl who argued with her informed me in pvt that she was basically harping on the CANON thing when they'd have been okay with like... it being crackshipping and that she was basically cultivating a hoarde of followers who were harping on them/the ogs and basically ostracizing them;

I would like to add that this person - before her tumblr got 'accidentally deleted' and remade it therefore deleted most receipts for, er, her so-called meta which included stuff like ned and cat raised sansa as a sexual object and only wanted to sell her like cattle - had at some point started a round robin fic thing where... some of the characters mocked openly said stuff that some of the og fans had said specifically targeting them and people in that side basically went harassing anyone who didn't agree with that specific notion

now never mind that this person basically coined an entire term to describe ppl who liked white guys and excused all their wrongdoings out of my conversation re robb basically lying about everything I said as if I didn't have the receipts and tried to sell shirts with it and it didn't work and like then she got kicked out of her own website because she was telling her commenters disagreeing pretty shitty insults (considering I was called psychotic for disagreeing with her that time I don't doubt it) I think at some point she stepped back from fandom bc idk wtf she's up to these days and I don't want to, but basically at that point the dam was broken and there was a bunch of puritanical shippers harping on anyone who didn't agree with j*nsa is canon endgame stuff

this also includes an incident when those ppl were like... passing themselves as throbb shippers and ended up trying to tell t*hramsay shippers off the theon tag based on moral reasons and I ended up arguing with all of them (and they were all from that crowd) which in turn landed me in contact with other og j*nsa shippers who were like detached from that fandom bc those same people harassed them away as well ssooooo fun

anyway when S6 happened everyone was high on it and whatnot but I wasn't gonna begrudge them that I mean... you shipped it for years, canon is delivering you, good for you, but then j*nerys happened

god j*nerys happened

aaand basically...... I mean personally I was there like are y'all seriously arguing about the best incest jon ship out there but like basically the j*nsa endgame side was like AH JON IS PLAYING DANY SEE IF IT DOESN'T HAPPEN, the j*nerys obv got defensive af and both sides were sort of alternatively shitting on jon/ygritte anyway and depicting any other romantic rship jon could have as abusive™ and during S8 it just got worse and like I tried to stay out of it but basically from what I'm seeing now idk how the j*neryses are doing but on the j*nsa one it's ah jon's gonna play dany anyway and she's going to go insane like in the show so SHOW TRUTHING EVERY OTHER WAY and like again denying that sandor exists or that tyrion exists and like I barely touch my corner (sansan) but I ended up arguing with j*nsa/th*nsa people on twitter who were antis and is2g it was white-hair inducing and I know for sure the sansa/tyrion shippers were harassed to hell and back throughout so FUN

and even if the show didn't go there now since everyone there banked on the jnsa endgame thing and admitting you're wrong is like... not a thing, they still haven't let go of it and attach to that ship any shred of evidence which honestly is grasping at straws half of the time (like... the sansa/alysanne parallels like guys please no) and which is why every other ship is starting to get fed up, attaching canon proof of stuff from other ships onto theirs see that batb argument and jb is platonic but jonsa is not nvm taking all the sansan stuff and throwing it on j*nsa but then denying that sansan has canon evidence (like guys I had to read sansa touching his shoulder when saying gregor wasn't a true knight wasn't meaningful and we were seeing things please) and blah blah blah

this also goes hand in hand with the fixation on like... villanizing dany at all costs and like is2g I have zero investment in dany or her storyline I don't even remember it and I don't particularly care abt her either way and sure af I'm not for j*nerys endgame but like.... some stuff I read is completely excessive esp when fixing on how she's a completely mad tyrant who's gonna have to be put down and like... guys no

(also there's some srs stannis hate in that corner which I honestly don't get why they even care abt stannis but I had to read stuff like ppl don't recognize that dany and stannis are the real villains in this saga and like........ idek)

I think most of the og shippers are gone or don't ship it openly bc they don't want to be attached to the drama but like I also think they're pissing off everyone else bc like... I mean a bunch of them also were down with sansa being paired with other ppl as long as it meant a good ending for her except those ppl were... like everyone but the ppl she has actual contact with in canon which meant that at some point sansa/gendry was a thing and like.... you can imagine why arya/gendry shippers & arya stans were fed up, and there's also this tendency to behave like sansa is the center of the entire saga which like these books is named a song of jon snow basically can we pls make peace with it and personally I've had it with both j*nsa and j*nerys people since they started with that dumbass JON/YGRITTE WAS AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP rhetoric but I'm also fed up with the total ignoring that sandor exists/depicting us as delusional and honestly I also was by proxy fed up from the harassing of the sansa/tyrion shippers soooooooooooo

there were also instances of 'well theon is an acceptable choice other than jon bc he can't threaten her' which... i mean we all know what that meant and I'm not even commenting it bc it's one AM and I have no force to but I don't have to explain why it's not a progressive take now do I

there were also metas about how cousin incest being legal in half of the world means that jondany is a worse incest and j*nsa doesn't count as such and I was basically there like guys please just fucking own up to it but honestly I chose to forgot where I read that and I couldn't find the link if I tried

tldr: no one wants to admit that it's not gonna be endgame which considering the amount of fic they have on ao3 is imvho useless bc they have more content than like.. anything I ship that's not jb or that's actually like canon *cries in joncon/rhaegar but I mean renly/loras is canon and has less fic than them* so idk what's the problem with enjoying that instead of insisting it's gonna be canon when not even the show validated it while show truthing anyway when the only show truthing that can be truthed is the small council made of minorities and possibly jon eventually fucking off with the wildlings but not like that but like most people who thought it wasn't gonna be endgame had left/were made to leave by the time S7 rolled by and at this point since wow isn't out yet everyone is fandom-grasping at straws to find stuff to discourse on and we're here beating dead horses *shrug*

so that's... how it is but I would again like to point out that I don't judge ppl on their shipping, I don't particularly care about this entire feud bc I only ship jon with ppl he's not related to in whichever way and I try to stay out of this mess bc I don't really care to argue with ppl who have already decided to bend canon to whatever they want and will have to realize that it's not what grrm wrote at some point but like I have a very good memory and the above rant is as objective as possible also bc again I don't literally have a stake in that race I just think romantic/endgame j*nsa is not a thing and that ppl should stay in their lane and not harping on other ppl who ship whatever in general but especially when their ship is the most popular thing in fandom in the first place /two cents

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #anonymous #ask post #anti-jonsa #anti jonsa #anti-jonerys #anti jonerys #both of them for equality

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tigerdrop · 3 years

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for what its worth i originally followed you /because/ i find it so charming how passionate you are for your specific niche interests. like i know nothing abt hlvrai like i have literally no idea what it is (is it... a podcast? lets play...?) idk how i found you but i just thought huh this person is really cool and neat and super into this thing ive never heard of and super unapologetic that its "weird" fetish shit, thats dope, /im/ into weird fetish shit lol and ive loved seeing you on my dash since then, even though i still got no clue who these dudes are. Sorry this is weird lol i hope this doesnt come off as condescending or anything i just thought why not let you know (:

that is very nice of u and i have no idea how you got here or how youve managed to stick around but.....thank u nonetheless

and i know you didnt actually ask this but this ask is basically fresh meat to a piranha so (swiveling in my chair) i am going to tell u about hlvrai.

hlvrai is a half life machinima, which basically means "a handful of people used a video game to roleplay a bunch of characters in a story". (sorry if this seems condescending. i dont mean to be im just erring on the side of caution.) you can find the abridged version here on youtube. it was streamed live on twitch by funny man wayneradiotv, and ended up developing a terrifyingly huge fanbase b/c A) its funny, but also B) it has a dude that exists purely to antagonize/flirt with the main character, gordon freeman. this dudes name is benrey. he is almost certainly the biggest reason why this fanbase exploded shortly after it aired. he is also, unfortunately, the half life security guard model that cursed my dick

the thing about hlvrai is that it also spawned a uniquely sex-averse fanbase. which is why i end up with so many people giving me shit on here. there are a number of interlocking reasons for this. one is the average age of the fans. its an M-rated machinima based on an M-rated game, but a huge chunk of the fandom consists of 15 yr olds with incredibly wack ideas about sexuality. red vs blue (the halo machinima) also had a primary audience of teenagers and young adults, but it has over 10 fucking thousand fics on ao3 and not nearly the same violent repulsion towards adult works. probably b/c the average gamer was more likely to just call you a slur if they found out you wanted the purple and orange master chiefs to bang.

this dovetails with some popular misinterpretations of comments made by wrtv and the cast about nsfw fanworks. wayne doesnt like seeing them and it makes him uncomfortable to be shown them, but he has stated multiple times that he doesnt actually give a shit if people make them and we can do what we want in our own spaces. he has no desire to play fandom police and, more importantly, has no desire for anybody else to do so, either. buuut most people who are het up about this are teenagers who are already uncomfortable around the subject of sex, who think that wayne was just being coerced into saying that stuff, and who very much do not want to be convinced otherwise. (and im certainly not gonna fucking try.)

at the end of the day a lot of peoples problems with nsfw fanworks boils down to, they see these machinima characters as just "the streamers being themselves", so drawing them touching dicks amounts to drawing rpf of real, actual guys. like the mcyt fanbase. but its just demonstrably untrue! wayne repeatedly has to cajole himself into getting into character as gordon freeman. benrey has his own fucking plushie and is a recurring character on waynes streams now. they are their own characters! and at this point i have psychoanalyzed them so thoroughly and read so much into a half life improv series they might as well be their own fucking OCs. (god knows thats what most content in this fandom amounts to, anyway.)

sorry. that was mean. anyway i dont know if you care about any of this but if you ask me literally anything about hlvrai i will explode like a water balloon. i am just enthralled with the concept of the series and with these two characters in specific and i still really really want them to fight and fuck and piss their pants or whatever embarrassing shit

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20cm · 3 years

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check-in tag :] tagged by @bwaldorf tysm ramasha!! 💓💓 time to talk abt my blog for a bit

why did you choose your url?

i just really love follow: find you<3 one of the most mx albums of all time 💕🥳

any side blogs? if you have them: name them and why you have them

i mostly have inactive ones!! (old fandoms) but i can name some current sideblogs i use

untagged general references @hanamizake

photoshop resources @200410

langblr references @zhiluanpo

how long you’ve been on tumblr?

unfortunately a long time <3 since 2012 (tho this blogs from nov. 2020)

do you have a queue tag?

nope!! my queue is untagged both because its easier and because im indecisive with tags

why did you start your blog in the first place?

i remade back in october/november because i wanted a fresh start <3

why did you choose your icon?

i made it because blue hour era yeonjun took over my brain for a bit (he's still there)!!

why did you choose your header?

same as last 😭😭 i made it because i just Loved tht era + the pink mullet + goth cowboy look was so .... like . exactly my niche

what’s your post with the most notes?

had to break out the notes counter site across my 4 blogs ive had (old main + two old sideblogs)

this blog: this painting of oranges w/ a short poem i wrote! (2.7k)

old main: hate to admit its an old gameplay video bc i used to be an overwatch blog but it has 2.2k notes

sideblog 1: old fanmade mv 4.7k notes but i dont like to count it so we'll go with old fanart from jan 2020 w/ 1.7k notes!

sideblog 2: fanart w/ 960 notes:)

so like. technically that one video but ill count my oranges instead <3

how many mutuals do you have?

128!! most of my followers are muts 💓💓💓

how many followers do you have?

174 :] and im SO happy about it i hate having a large following im not joking 😭😭 once it gets above 1k its hell

how many people do you follow?

308 <3 i like to keep the number below 300 usually but whatever<3

have you ever made a shitpost?

that term literally means nothing anymore but like yeah probably <3 i like to make jokes ^_^

how often do you use tumblr each day?

like i dont actively use it every day but i sort of alternate between checking it occasionally and death scrolling... i usually have it open passively in a browser tab even if im doing other stuff

did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

fight? in public? with another BLOG? who WON??? babygirl im not that messy

how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

if theyre important informational posts i try to!! uhm. if its anything else tho where its just like.. guilt tripping over stupid shit i literally do not care babe ill block the post

do you like tag games?

YES i adore them its so so fun <3 i love getting tagged even if im nervous about tagging muts 💕🥰

do you like ask games?

yes yes yes <3 i dont do them often bc im either not online at the right time or i dont have the energy but i like sending them in to others when i see them :)

which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

god i dont know like what does that even mean anymore... i def have 2 muts who i REMEMBER vividly seeing them and their posts around a lot over the years and w/e so like.. maybe 2 of them <3 but i wont name names tht feels weird

do i have a crush on a mutual?

no but i DID originally meet and become online friends w/ my boyfriend because of tumblr + being mutuals years ago :)

tagging: @porthavens ; @sodrippy ; @gaemin ; @kihyunsgf & @transyebaiyi bc i know yall are okay with/like being tagged 💕🌸

#fun fun fun <3 #tag games #caleb.txt

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perce · 5 years

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me, who hasnt written much of anything in the past year but has been reading way too much fluffy ml fic lately: haha what if i drug up one of my old ml AUs to work on

vague, procrastination/indecision induced rambles beneath

i have 6 in mind that seem like fun to work on. one is best done in bullet point fic bc thats how it started here and thats all it deserves but its still fun. two is mostly just shenanigans with a side of background actual plot. third is chloé-centric set post s1 w/o s2 bc thats when i started it. another 2 are sad and i love them ( 4 being in a weird limbo state of probably being doomed to being an off-putting set of drabbles bc im not sure how i want to end it but the beginning and at least some of the middle are vaguely planned. 5 is. :) haha. i really like this one and the only reason ive not already finished it is bc i got stuck on a chapter but an idea came to me a bit ago that i think might help that.) and finally 6 i actually thought of the other day while reading a fic, despite it, honestly having no connection beyond ladybug-centric, i guess. and puns? i thought to myself a Funny Joke™ and decided that was delightful for what that one shot would actually end up being. which is to say. not as angsty as 4 or 5 bc itd get a light ending but. Potential for sadness on that one.

that all said, i think im especially itching to work on 2, 3, 5, and 6. 4 is tempting but w/o clear direction or inspiration its not. gonna kill me if i dont. lol. 1 is. actually u can search my blog for that its “gabriel isnt a terrible father au” which. christ that’s 3 y/o now. its cute and i have plenty of fun ideas in mind for it but. no clear story for it to follow atm so again not worried abt it seriously. 2, 3, and 5 are like my ml au babies or w/e we call that these days. older concepts bc i kinda fell out of the fandom a good bit before s2 came out, but im a pro at ignoring canon and will happily disregard s2&3 for them. i dont care. i mean 5 is well beyond canon anyway, and 2 is an origins au (i posted the first chapter on ao3 on a whim and have since regretted it in part bc its poorly done but also bc its been sitting there for 2.5 years w/ no updates in sight). 3 is... i guess a post s1 au that id vaguely considered attempting to get at least up and running before s2 started but alas. i love it so much though.. ik ive told sim abt a couple of these and i think i told mickey about 5, and they drew a sad mari in response to that, iirc.

anyway i just cant seem to pick one and stick with it so here i am rambling really vaguely about them instead bc fuck it. i like ml aus but insist on keeping them to myself (mostly) until ive written them but then not actually writing them. rip. side eyes my danphan raised by ghosts au. my old friend. and all my other dp aus.

i even have a red pencil and pen to write with i just gotta DO IT. hh

edit: you know the real disappointment here? i have pv aus, one i really wanna try my hand at, ahem bc the other pv fic id actually want to bother with would be my straight up whole entire take of however that wouldve gone over, its been too long since ive interacted with a lot of pv content and id need to brush up quite a bit. and thus am not feeling as inspired for it rn. or my hyper niche pv warcraft crossover au thing that i cannot imagine anyone else out there would care about. also i think ive forgotten most of the ideas i’d had for it before which sucks. guess this is just how im gonna be sad about the pv for now. ironic considering my icon lol

#ml #i opened my laptop for the first time in weeks bc it was easier than getting to my pc. to put a read more on this.#anyway i dont work tomorrow but i do have somewhere to be at 10ish but here i am at almost 12 am agonizing over my ml aus. again.#mine #also the joke here for newcomers/ppl who havent read my danphan stuff is that i read primarily fluff but cant write it for shit.#all i can do is angst or crack. apparently. you want happy love square being happy? fuck you.#the gabe doesnt completely suck at being a father thing only happened bc it was bullet point speculation type fic. not. proper fic.

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neoplasmic · 3 years

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vent post i might be discussing some aspects of pedophilia and homophobia and teh like.

im not going to say seeing amy rose's titties when i was like 11 like traumatized me or whatever but yeah the more people talk about it the more you realize ... yeah maybe being exposed to a barrage of weird porn at a young age like consistently did fuck me up a little bit. & maybe impacted my relationship with sexuality significantly. especially when it’s like. it’s one thing where like... it feels like some people prioritize jerking off over literally everything else like all earthly affairs and such are literally nothing compared to the attachment they feel to their anime women. if you criticize the porn tehy masturbate to you might as well be pissing in their mother’s face it has the same emotional impact there is no lower blow. ok but like these sort of people like literally arent even concerned with the age of the fictional people they jerk off to or like the moral aspects of it so many i guess “twitter sexywomen” are like. 14 year old girls. & it’s not even just in these weird niche circles of internet fuck ups its like long before then “teen” porn has been a popular genre. the predation of teenagers feels like its present in everything like even in things that should be “safe”... not just teenage girls either and spending 5 min in the proximity of a “fandom mom” will tell you that but that specific thing affects me the most as a Teen Girl. shit by grown adults that draws focus to their bodies or especially when it portrays them as the “gold digger” type or lusting after older men (im just gonna come out and be like ... mona from warioware her whole design and the way she is treated in the games and ESPECIALLY by people in “fandom” ... ive never been so homicidal) again as a teen girl it makes you feel so unsafe . like adults dont care about your safety or emotional wellbeing or about protecting you at all. teh people that produce overtly pedophilic pornography or like incest porn are literally given free range to do and say whatever they want and they receive literally like bare minimum ostracization for it. literally the worst treatment they get is people making jokes at their expense where realistically these people should be on a fucking watchlist or in jail . and people who encourage these fucking lunatics. these deliberately dangerous people. by saying its their weird fetish to cope or whatever. THERAPY. or im gonna kill you. it has literally filled me with such violent abject hatred since like day 1 that i share air with these people and i cant escape them. and everyone else doesnt do their part to harass these people out of public spaces like back into teh hell pit they come from. but you’re so hopelessly angry and scared and why. abt something that most other people probably just see as kind of weird or irrational. because obviously these people are still like visible. it makes you feel so alone and insane. and every time i see someone bitching abt purity culture or antis or “not actually caring” abt victims of such and such ... im filled with such a real rage but its just hopeless you know. & it has to some extent impacted how i view myself and other’s expressions of sexuality ... this is like what i think i need to go to therapy for but i dont really want to talk about it because i think it makes me sound insane. like even hearing other people talk about boobs is like -__- seriously. but that’s me. tahts literally you you like boobs what’s your problem. if you’re actually still reading this at this point dont take this as like legit criticism of like you as a person or like think im gonna start asking you to trigger tag titties because i know this is objectively irrational and that im like mentally unstable. like the closest thing i have to an explanation for why im so weird in the head abt it is that i guess ive internalized teh Abject Terror or whatever & now my brain thinks Girl + Sex = Scary?? and something feels wrong with me even now ... i feel like ppl probably note my Bihet nature & that i guess i talk about fictional men more than fictional women . but like that and like . It’s not like it’s necessarily common to hear people talking about man tits and ass. So i feel alone in my insanity but also not because people agree with me ... as they should. -__- You can talk about wanting to peg a man and it’s like. Well it’s not like it’s a societally acceptable talking point. EA or bestheda or whatever isn’t gonna announce a game wth a sexy male lead in like tit windows or whatever but then you’re like “ i want to fuck a girl “ and suddenly your brains like ????? 404 Stable Relationship With Sexuality Not Found so you’re like ehehe strap and then you’re like I’m literally going to kill myself. Uhh whatever. it’s not like im not attracted to women i know this fucking intuitively but my brain just . Ugghhh plus it would be nice to have like one female character that you could look at and be confident that people arent drawing hyper lactation inflation impregnation 4K cunt shitting porn of but god hates everyone. Also i am like genuinely afraid of most unfamiliar adults just as a footnote. Fuck off

#my posts

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mental-health-advice · 6 years

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my ex bestfriend was really into this guy n they talked everyday but never talked to each other in person orhad anything and one day four months ago she drifted away from talking to him n she did the same to me n i gravitated towards this guy because we both now had no one to talk to and i didnt have feelings for him but now i do and im unsure on how he feels abt me but my ex bestf as the first girl he got close to so it effected him and idk if i should tell him how i feel im also depressed so

Hi lovely,

Thanks for getting in touch with us here at MHA. I’m really sorry that you are struggling with this right now, I imagine this must be really tough for you. I am also sorry to hear that you are dealing with depression; unfortunately, mental illnesses can often make dealing with problems like these so much harder, so I’m glad that you felt able to reach out to us for some support!

I do just want to point out that there is nothing wrong with having developed these feelings. The two of you were brought together under unfortunate circumstances and have formed a bond over that - it is really common for people to develop romantic feelings for friends because you already have a close personal relationship with them. I just wanted to point this out because I know many people can struggle with feelings of guilt when they get feelings for a friend.

I’m a firm believer in honesty is the best policy, so in my personal opinion I would suggest talking to him about how you are feeling - obviously, I don’t know your personal experiences so I can’t tell you how he will react and what is the best way to approach it, but I do think being honest is important. Communication is key to any kind of relationship, whether romantic or platonic. It is completely up to you how much you decide to share with him, for example you could just tell him that you like someone and see what he says, or you could decide to tell him exactly how you feel straight up. Again, that depends on what you feel is best and most appropriate for you both.

Self-care is really important for you right now. Try to take at least an hour or two a day for yourself; fill that time with doing things that you enjoy and make you feel relaxed and at peace. For example, I take the two hours before I go to sleep and try it fill that time with things like art and music, I’ll also take the time to have a bath, wash my hair, look after my skin, etc. Practising self-care also involves things like making sure you are getting enough sleep, eating well, and staying hydrated. When we are feeling low and depressed it can seem like the best thing to do is to isolate ourselves away from our friends and family, but this can actually cause depression and other mental health issues to worsen. Have you considered talking about how you feel with any of your friends? They may not realise that you are feeling so isolated right now, and they may be able to offer you some reassurance and a little extra care to help you feel more comfortable and welcome. Your friends will love and support you no matter what you look like, love; you are perfect just the way you are

I know for some people that losing contact with a close friend can make them feel very alone and isolated, so i’m just wondering if making friends is something that you are looking to do? Online is also a great way to make friends or at least first contact someone. For example, I have made a lot of friends on Tumblr through recovery pages or fandom accounts. There are plenty of wonderful people online who will be more than willing to chat to you, and i’m sure there is at least one person that you share a common interest with, no matter how niche it may be! Or a little message to someone on facebook, like just a ‘hi! how are you?’ is a great way to start up a conversation and begin building a bond with someone. Hopefully, talking to people online will make it a little easier for you to start talking to them in person too! Have you looked at any local groups or volunteer programmes that you would be interested in joining? Sometimes just knowing that you have an interest or passion in common with someone can make it a little easier to begin chatting with them.

I am also going to link you to this really great interactive booklet about depression created by Moodjuice. Personally I found this really informative and it had some great self-help tips.

Again, I am so sorry that you are having to deal with all of this right now and that you are not being treated with the love and respect that you deserve - but I promise you, things will get better and we’ll be here to support you every step of the way! Please don’t hesitate to get back in touch if there is anything else we can help you with. I hope this has been of some use to you, lovely. Please remember that you can always get back in touch with us if there is anything else that we can help you with! Take care!

‘‘Keep fighting, people, and your little monsters will never get the best of you.’

Rhiann xo

#anonymous #mha #advice #advice blog #mental health advice #mental health blog #mharhiann #depression #relationships #friendship #moving on #telling someone how you feel #self care #making friends #online communities #moodjuice #developing feelings

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