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thegayfromrulid · 3 years

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How about a Yujikiri oneshot where they're in the real world, Eugeo misses snow and since they can't just make it snow, Kirito gets some really rare item in Alfheim that makes it snow wherever they are and uses that for a VR date with him.

Hello, anon! This was such a cute prompt! <3 I really enjoyed writing this. I had a lot of fun brainstorming the rare item for this, as well as imagining these two cute boys having fun in the snow!

“Does it ever snow in Saitama?”

The question seemed a bit out of nowhere to me, as I finished loading the dishwasher and hadn’t been talking about climate with Eugeo prior to this moment. I looked up from what I was doing and saw him gazing out of the window, looking around at the world. It was still summer, even after spending an incredibly long time inside of the STL as a member of the Underworld. I wiped off my hands and went to stand over beside him, giving him a grin.

“Yeah, sometimes,” I said. “Usually in the winter we’ll get some decent flakes. Why?”

There was a sad look on his face, one that made me start to think. He was eager to see snow again. Eugeo had lived in Rulid, which was at the northernmost tip of Norlangarth. He’d lived at the foot of mountains, which meant that he was used to colder winters. Since he’d left that village, he’d not seen as much snow in the warmer capital city. It had been, in a sense, ages since he’d seen snow.

Eugeo brushed it off, though, acting as if he wasn’t missing seeing it. I shouldn’t have expected anything less. Eugeo was the sort of person who never talked about the things troubling his heart. I would just have to do something about this. I told him it might not be as long as he thought before he saw snow again, to which he laughed and told me there was no such thing as a cryogenic art in the real world. I just laughed and saw him off, eager to get a plan in motion.

I did a bit of online searching with the help of Suguha. As it would turn out, there was a very rare item in ALO that had the power to make it snow anywhere in the world. It was a stone, a mate to similar stones with different weather properties: summoning rain, clearing the skies for a sunny day, summoning a tornado or a hurricane or a tsunami. These stones were meant to give certain fairy races advantages and disadvantages in a PvP fight. I figured they would work just as well for a little date-time surprise.

The entire group agreed to help out with the mission to recover the ‹‹ Snær Stone ››, so-called for the runes that decorated its surface. They spelled out the word “snær,” an Old Norse name for snow, Suguha told me. In order to earn the stone, we had to complete a rather difficult quest in an area of ALO called Niflheim called “The Hunt of Ullr.” In the quest, the patron saint of skiers, Ullr, offers players sets of skis and asks them to hunt down wolf-type monsters to protect the local NPC population. As a reward for the quest, each player would receive money, special snow resistant gear, the skis themselves, and, to the player with the most kills, the ‹‹ Snær Stone ››.

Alice offered to keep Eugeo busy and offline for the duration of the quest, giving the rest of the group time to head out to the Niflheim area and complete the quest. It proved to be particularly tricky, as expected, as the act of skiing wasn’t as easily picked up as was sword fighting with the assist system. Much like riding horses or driving vehicles, this action in VR required some real-world practice—of which, to my surprise, Klein had the most. We spent a fair amount of time learning how to ski, and once we sort of had that down, the best player wound up being Sinon, whose bow gave her a serious advantage over the rest of us when hunting down the wolves. The gang agreed to let me have the last attack on each monster, though, so that I would end up with the stone.

The stone felt well-earned by the time Ullr was placing it in my hands. I wanted to fall over from fatigue, but I was reminded that this was only the first step of the plan. I had to exit the dive, meet up with Eugeo, and then convince him to come back to the log cabin with me for a special snowy date. I stayed behind with Asuna, staring at the stone in my palm as I thought.

“Do you think this will really be enough for him?” I asked her.

She gave me that knowing best friend smile, and then she reached over to me and closed my fingers around the stone. Our eyes met, and she smiled at me, nodding.

“He loves you, Kirito,” she said. “Don’t panic. He’s going to be very happy that you put in this much effort for him.”

I felt my confidence increase just a bit. Asuna always knew what to say.

“Now, go give your boyfriend a present he won’t forget!” she told me.

In a flash, she was gone, leaving me alone with my thoughts. She was right. Eugeo knew that there was no magic in Japan. He would never fault me for using ALO as the date location for snow because of that. There was nothing for me to worry about. Nodding to myself, I quickly slipped the stone into my inventory and logged out to go and text Eugeo.

He agreed to meet up with me at a game shop close to my house. I told him to bring along his Amusphere so that we could get in some gaming time together. He went along with it. I think playing ALO reminded him of how we met. The fantasy world, even though it wasn’t at all the same as the one he’d been raised in, made more sense to him than my home world did. We checked out a few new titles at the store and then headed back to my place. I urged him to dive from my bed next to me.

“If you insist,” he said. “But there’s more room if one of us takes the couch.”

I laughed and shook my head.

“We’ll be diving,” I said. “Do we really need that much extra room?”

He just smiled at me and shook his head. He knew just as well as I did that it was an excuse to lay beside him. We climbed onto the bed, laying side-by-side, and slipped on our Amuspheres to dive into the log cabin. We shouted the log on command in unison, and seconds later, we were standing in the living area, right where we’d logged out. I smiled across the room at the blue-eyed Undine boy. I hurried over to him and grasped his hand. Eugeo let out a slight yelp and then a laugh as I tugged him along after me into the forest.

“Where are we going, Kirito?” he asked, smiling over at me.

I picked a spot in the woods that had a little bit of a clearing, and I stopped to remove the stone from my inventory. I’d read over the item’s instructions for how to use it. I recited a spell that had been given to me in those instructions, making sure to pronounce everything carefully as I spoke. I turned back to Eugeo, who had a quizzical look on his face, and I waited. I slipped the stone into my pocket and reached one hand out to him. He took it, still confused, and he smiled at me.

“What kind of a spell was that?” he asked.

I pointed my other hand up. He slipped his fingers into my hand as his eyes followed my gesture. I watched his eyes start to sparkle as he realized what was happening. Gentle snowflakes started to fall around us, landing on the ground, the trees, and our avatars. Luckily for me, this particular spell caused an area effect that would turn this place into a wintry landscape. The ground started to turn white with packed snow, and the trees held just enough to look like an old-fashioned Christmas card. Eugeo started laughing and put out his hand to catch a few of the snowflakes.

“How did you do that, Kirito?” he asked.

Pulling the stone out of my pocket, I opened his palm and set it down in his hand.

“With this, we can see snow anytime we like,” I said.

Eugeo clutched the stone in his palm and then threw his arms around me, tackling me with a hug. We fell down into the freshly fallen snow, sending up a powdery spray as we landed. The both of us laughed, now covered with icy crystals. Eugeo leaned forward and slipped his lips into mine, stealing a warm kiss amidst the cold now swirling gently around us. I cupped his face in my hands, feeling his cold cheeks start to fill with warmth.

His eyes opened a little as he pulled away from the kiss. Our noses were barely touching. The snow falling around his face made him look less like a fairy and more like an angel. Some of it stuck to his hair, and the sunlight hit those crystals, making them sparkle. I smiled. He looked so handsome in the snow. It had been so long since I’d seen him smiling the way he’d smiled at me back in the Underworld.

“Thank you,” he whispered. “I missed this so much.”

I chuckled.

“I’m glad you like the snow,” I said.

Eugeo shook his head.

“No, not just the snow,” he said. “I missed us just enjoying the simple things in life together.”

I pulled him in for another kiss.

“Me, too,” I admitted.

I rolled us over in the snow and hopped up to my feet.

“Now,” I said. “Are we going to enjoy this weather, or are we just going to sit and kiss in the snow?”

Before Eugeo could respond, I was already tossing a bit of snow at him. He laughed like a child and jumped up to start throwing it back at me. We frolicked around in the snow, tossing it at one another, rolling around in it, and building little snowmen, completely lost in a little corner of winter that we’d made for ourselves. When we’d tired ourselves out, we went back into the cabin to log out, and we curled up against one another, gently dozing off as we warmed one another up from the virtual chill.

A glimpse of Eugeo’s face before I fell asleep told me everything I needed to know. He was smiling brightly. I cuddled up to him, grateful that this VR snow day had brought him such a happy smile.

#sword art online #sao fanfic #Fanfic Request #one shot #sao #sao alicization #yujikiri #kiriyuji #eugeo #kirito #eugeo x kirito #kirito x eugeo #ask #ask me anything #anon

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just-my-sickly-pride · 4 years

Text

Date Night || Joe Mazzello x fem!Reader

summary || the fact that you’re late to work in the morning is not your fault. the fault lies with Joe, the cute guy who works at the coffee shop that’s just a little too far out of your way to be convenient.

rating || explicit (18+ only). do not read if you are under eighteen. the smut is only towards the end - before that, it’s just fluff.

word count || 3.3k.

author’s notes || thank you SO MUCH @queenmylovely for your patience. here, finally, a week late, is your stl fic, and i am your secret valentine. sorry i did a bit of a rubbish job at it! thanks again to @dtfrogertaylor for creating and hosting the event.

masterlist

Yes, you’re going to be late for work again. Yes, you know you should just go to the coffee shop that’s on the way. Or at least you should’ve left earlier if you knew you were going to the coffee shop.

The coffee shop. The one with the cute boy who works there on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday mornings.

The cute boy who always makes you late. Well, he doesn’t make you late. But his existence makes you late, because you always go out of your way three times a week to see him, and you somehow always forget that it really is quite considerably out of your way.

Does that make you sad? Maybe. But there are worse things in life.

He greets you with a big smile, as he always does. His eyes are dark brown; his hair is reddish. He remembers your coffee order, as he always does, too. And your name.

His name is Joe. You know that from his nametag. But you don’t know much else about him.

You stand to the side and watch him work as you wait for your coffee. He has a particular cadence to his voice, a way he nods and shakes his head as he speaks. When he’s standing idle, waiting for customers, he plays with his fingers.

It’s been six months since the first time you visited this coffee shop one fateful Monday, totally on a whim. The coffee is good – it’s better when Joe makes it, but it’s never bad coffee – so you came back the next week on the Wednesday, and that’s when you saw Joe for the first time.

To call it ‘love at first sight’ is a bit dramatic. But it wasn’t far off. It took a few weeks to figure out his schedule, but when you did, it became part of your routine.

You’re not super proud of it. You tell yourself you’re building up the courage to ask him out on a date. But six months is an awfully long time to build up courage. Now it just feels a bit like stalking.

You watch as he keeps half an eye on the coffee being made behind him as he serves customers. Then, at some point, he ducks away from the register to take a coffee out of the barista’s hand, so he can bring it over to the counter. You’re standing right by, but he calls your name anyway.

This is also part of the whole song-and-dance the two of you have: he’s always the one to give you your coffee, even if it’s not him who has made it. He always calls your name, and it makes your heart sing.

“Thank you, Joe,” you say, taking the coffee from him.

“You’re most welcome, [Y/N],” he says. He talks fairly quickly, in that unusual cadence, and his eyes are warm. “I hope you have a lovely day.”

“You too,” you say.

“Thank you,” he says.

“You’re most welcome,” you reply.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Sure will.”

“Looking forward to it.”

“Likewise.”

“Joe,” says the barista, smacking Joe with her tea towel, and Joe flinches. “Customers.”

“Right, sorry,” Joe says. He turns back to you. “I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah,” you say with a smile.

“Joe.”

“Sorry, jeez.” Joe shoots you an apologetic smile, and hops back to the register.

It’s usually how the morning goes. Your boss gives you a talking-to for being late, and you apologise and promise it won’t happen again.

It will. But it’s worth it.

And at night, if a certain face pops into your head while you’re having some… personal time, then that’s your business, isn’t it?

You check your phone as you hurry towards the coffee shop. Late again. Later than usual, actually. The neighbour’s dog kept you up all last night with its incessant barking. Why the hell would anyone get a dog if they couldn’t be bothered to train it? Now the dog’s miserable, and the owners would be miserable, and everyone on the block is miserable. Idiots.

There’s a text from your friend Josie. We still on for brunch tomorrow?

Uh, yeah, you text back, and almost run into someone passing you. It’s galentine’s day, can’t miss that.

The coffee shop door opens, and you almost get smacked in the face. You apologise to the person exiting, even though you don’t really have anything to apologise for, and slip into the café.

The walls are dotted with posters advertising the café’s special Valentine’s Day-themed lattes and snacks. You almost consider getting one – the raspberry white chocolate latte looks pretty good, actually, and maybe you could ask for an extra shot of espresso to wake you up – but then you hear your name.

Joe’s there at the serving counter, setting down a coffee. He meets your eyes, and grins – your stomach flips – and gestures to your coffee.

You wander over, confused. “But I…”

“You were late,” Joe says with a shrug. “Figured you’d need it to go in a hurry.”

You feel a beaming smile burst onto your face before you can help it, and you gratefully take the coffee, curling your hands around it. “Oh, Joe, that’s so sweet of you,” you say, and Joe’s ears turn red.

He shrugs again, glancing away, flustered, and you giggle.

“Let me pay, at least,” you say.

“No need,” Joe says. “It’s on the house.”

Your mouth falls open. “No, Joe, I can’t–”

“Go on, you’re gonna be late,” Joe says, cutting you off. “Just – look at the cup before you throw it out.”

You frown, and lift the cup to look, but Joe blurts out, “Not now! Later. When you’re done.”

“Customers, Joe,” the barista says tiredly.

“Thank you,” you say. “I’ll see you next week.”

“Yeah,” Joe says, after half a beat too long. “Yeah, see you then. Have a good day.”

“You too,” you say, and hurry out the door.

You want to check the cup as soon as you can, but first you have to make sure you won’t get fired.

You’re lucky your boss likes you so much.

By the time you get to work and settle in, you’ve almost forgotten what Joe told you, and it’s only when you’ve finished your coffee and are about to throw it out when black handwriting on the cup catches your eye.

It’s hard to read – it was obviously done in a rush – but it’s a message and a phone number.

Too chicken to ask you face to face, the message says. Go out w/ me on Valentine’s Day? Joe x

You let out a tiny squeak of excitement, ignoring the confused looks sent your way.

You whip out your phone and send the text straight away. It’s [Y/N]. How does dinner sound?

Joe insists on going all old-fashioned, picking you up and bringing you flowers. “I’m trying to woo you,” he says when you protest all the effort as you carry the flowers into the kitchen. “I can’t woo you if you won’t let me.”

“You don’t need to woo me,” you say with a laugh.

“I want to,” Joe says.

You pause, turning back to smile at him, and the smile he gives you in return in excited and eager and just a little bit shy, and you say, “Okay. You can woo me.”

You find a vase, and set the flowers in your living room.

“You look beautiful, by the way,” Joe says.

You look down at your outfit to avoid his gaze. You’re dressed up, sure, but you’re not exactly red carpet ready. “Oh, thanks,” you say with a chuckle. You glance up at him, and blurt out, “You too.”

Joe beams. “Thank you,” he says. Then he holds out his arm. “Shall we go?”

You scoff at his gesture, but hook your arm through his, and he leads you out to the car.

It feels like a breath of fresh air to finally get to know Joe on more than a superficial level. He tells you about his family, his favourite movies and food and drink, where he grew up. He tells you about his friends, and the mischief he got up to when he was growing up.

He asks about you, too, and you have a feeling he’s been dying to know more about you just as you have with him. He asks so many questions that you almost feel self-conscious about how much you’re talking, but he listens so intently that you can’t help but answer every single question he asks.

He’s booked you both into a nice restaurant. Italian. Not too fancy, but still a little bit nicer than you’d usually shoot for on a first date. It thrills you to no end.

“I hope this isn’t too much,” Joe says as he pulls your chair out for you to sit down. “I just…” He scratches behind his ear. “Y’know, I’ve sorta wanted to ask you out for a few months now, and I got really excited when you said yes, so I guess I– I just kinda went for it with the restaurant. I hope it doesn’t…” He chuckles awkwardly. “Hope it doesn’t scare you off or anything.”

“No,” you say, shaking your head. “No, I…” The fact that you wanted to impress me and that you’ve wanted to ask me out for so long is probably the best thing ever. “I feel very much wooed. And I quite like it, I think.”

“Oh, good,” Joe says, and the relief is unmistakable.

First dates are usually awkward, and, as much as you like Joe, you’re still expecting the awkwardness.

But it never comes. It’s like you’ve known each other for years.

He’s funny, but you knew that already. You end up accidentally choking on your wine from a joke of his, and he apologises profusely in between his bouts of laughter. You both frantically try to stifle your giggles – and you your extremely unladylike hacking coughs – shrinking down in your seats as you’re given unimpressed looks from other patrons.

You quickly find out that he’s an avid baseball fan. ‘Avid’ might be too mild a descriptor. His eyes light up when you ask about it, and he launches into a detailed description of his favourite team and his favourite player and his favourite game that he’s ever watched. You watch in awe and delight as he grows more and more animated, gesturing wildly with his hands, and it’s only after he eventually draws to a close that he realises how loud his voice has become.

He hunkers down in his seat again. “Sorry,” he says with a sheepish grin. “I really like baseball.”

“Don’t apologise,” you say. “I think it’s great.”

“I know I can be really loud,” he adds. “My friends give me shit for it all the time. Sorry.”

“I don’t care,” you say with a shrug. “You said you were Italian, weren’t you?”

Joe snorts a laugh. “Yeah,” he chuckles. “Yeah, that also explains the, uh–”

“The gesturing?” you say, at the same time Joe says, “The hand gestures.”

“Yeah,” Joe says, and he laughs.

He looks down at his meal, suddenly quiet, and he twirls some spaghetti around his fork. “Maybe I could take you to a, uh, a game,” he says, glancing up at you. “Some time. If you’d like.”

You bite on your bottom lip, nodding. “Yeah, I’d really like that.”

Joe’s smile, the look in his eyes, sends a bolt of heat all through your body. “Okay,” he says, nodding as well. “Yeah, cool.”

You offer to share a dessert, and Joe happily accepts. It’s some pricey piece of chocolate cake with peanut praline that looks better than it tastes, as most pricey desserts do, but it’s worth it to have Joe’s hand close to yours as you both dig at the slice with your forks.

The smiles you’re both exchanging now have a certain unmistakable weight to them that makes your stomach bloom with butterflies. You catch Joe’s eyes wandering down your neck a couple of times, although he does his best to hide it.

You both eat dessert a little more quickly than is warranted.

Despite Joe’s overwhelming need to woo, you refuse to let him pay for the whole meal. He tries to talk you out of it, saying that it wasn’t fair of you to pay when you didn’t choose the venue, but you’re not having it. You end up splitting it, and Joe mumbles an abashed ‘thank you’.

You’re both still chatty and excitable on the drive home, but there’s extra jitters in the air. Nothing has been discussed about what comes next, but it’s easy to tell where it’s going to go.

Joe parks outside your flat. Pulls the handbrake.

The car falls silent.

“Thanks for coming out with me,” Joe says, looking to you. His cheeks are flushed from the wine, and you desperately want to kiss him. “I had a really nice time.”

“I did too,” you say. “Thanks for driving me.”

“No problem,” Joe says.

You both look at each other. Waiting.

You lean in first, capturing his lips in yours. He kisses back without hesitation, cupping your cheek in his palm.

You’d meant for it to be short and sweet, but now that you’ve started, you’re finding it hard to stop, and Joe seems to feel the same way.

Eventually, though, you break away, and ask a little shakily, “You wanna come up?”

“Yeah,” Joe says. You think he was aiming for casual, but it’s far too easy to read the eagerness in his voice.

“God, Joe,” you breathe as Joe presses a kiss to the inside of your thigh.

He gives you a heated smile. “Good?”

“Yeah,” you say. “Yeah, so good.”

He crawls up your body again, holding himself up above you, and he kisses you deeply. You coax his mouth open, and you taste traces of yourself on his tongue.

You roll him over, straddling him, and kiss him again once before reaching over to your bedside table, yanking the drawer open and fumbling for a condom. Joe’s hands slide down your sides, over your ribs, the curve of your waist. You pull out a condom and rip open the packing, and he wordlessly takes it from you and rolls it onto himself.

You grind against him, hissing at the feeling of him, hot and hard, and he grips your hips, gasping out, “Fuck.”

You kiss him again, and it’s all tongue and teeth, and then he’s taking his cock and stroking the tip through you a few times. Your hand joins his, and you hold him steady as you sink down onto him slowly, taking him inch by inch.

Joe moans, deep and rough. “Shit.” He holds your waist in one hand and the bedsheets in the other, like he’s not quite sure what to do with himself.

“You feel so good,” you say, your breathing ragged, and you settle in his lap, giving an experimental wiggle of your hips.

Joe lets out a laugh, and you smile. “What?”

“Nothing,” he says. “You just feel… fuckin’ great.”

You hum. “Thanks,” you say teasingly, and rock forward.

Joe’s hips buck against yours. “Oh my God, please move,” he says, his voice tight.

You do, grinding against him, and you brace yourself on his chest as you pick up speed, bouncing his lap, and he lifts his hips to meet yours.

He hisses out your name, holding tightly onto your hips, and then he surges forward, sitting up and rolling you both over.

You let out a small yelp of surprise, and he says a quick apology before burying himself in you again, and you yank him down for a kiss as he thrusts in and out of you. You wrap your legs around his waist, and he takes a moment to adjust to take hold of one of your knees and press it up against your chest, and you whine at the feeling.

“Joe, fuck, just like that,” you gasp, and he drives into you hard, burying his face in your neck, and you claw at his shoulders.

“You feel so fucking good,” he says weakly, “oh my God.”

“You gonna come?” you ask him.

He makes a sound you guess is meant to be uh-huh, and you wriggle a hand in between the two of you to rub your clit. He mouths at your throat, and lets go of your knee to brace himself on the bed again.

You can feel yourself rapidly building, and Joe takes a moment to pause and gather himself, adjusting his arms on the bed. You’re both panting and sweaty, and Joe kisses you as he picks up again, just thrusting slowly, watching you carefully, his eyes dark and hot on your face.

You’re still massaging your clit, still climbing, and you whimper, your back arching.

“That’s it, touch yourself,” Joe breathes. “Want you to come on my cock.”

“Shit, Joe,” you say, almost in surprise, and Joe smirks.

“Well, it’s true,” he says, and you giggle, then gasp when he does a particularly harder thrust.

He starts speeding up again, hitting you deep, and it feels so good, and you’re getting closer and closer.

He drops his head to your shoulder again, and he moans, his hips jerking erratically. “Fuck, I’m gonna…”

You grab at his back with your free hand, squeezing your legs tighter around him, urging him on. “Yes, Joe, come on.”

You’re on the edge yourself, and your hard is growing tired, but it’s hard to care when you’re so close, you’re so close, and then Joe’s hips snap against you, and he stills as he comes, moaning out your name. His body heaves as he tries to catch his breath, and he pushes himself up and presses his forehead to yours, gripping your hip with one hand as his hips move a few more times, whispering words of encouragement. It’s just enough to push you over the edge, and you let out a broken moan, twitching and shuddering, and he dots kisses all over your cheeks, the corner of your lips, your temple.

When you’ve come down from your orgasm, he eases himself out of you and flops down on the bed next to you. You both look at each other, and smile widely.

“Consider me officially wooed,” you say, and Joe laughs breathlessly.

“Consider me officially wooed,” he says. “Holy shit.” He rolls over and kisses you, and you smile against his lips.

He breaks away to take off the condom and throw it in the bin in the corner of your room, and then joins you back on the bed.

“You gonna kick me out?” he asks, dragging you in closer by your waist. It’s half-joking, half-serious, and you smooth your hand over his shoulder, pretending to think about it.

“Not yet,” you say. “But I am expecting you to make me some very good coffee in the morning.”

“I’ll let you in on a secret,” Joe says. His thumb circles your hip. “It’s about how good the coffee beans are. I don’t really do anything to make it taste better.”

“Nonsense,” you say. “You’ve got the magic touch.”

Joe quirks a brow. “Oh, do I?” he purrs suggestively.

You laugh. “Oh, I see, it’s like that, is it?”

Joe steals a few kisses. “You’re just too hard to resist,” he murmurs.

You hum approvingly. “Well, Happy Valentine’s Day to me,” you say chirpily, and Joe huffs a laugh, then pulls you in impossibly closer, kissing you like it’s his last day on Earth.

The coffee he makes you the next morning is the best coffee you’ve ever had.

#hope this is all right!#my writing #stl event #joe mazzello x reader #bohemian rhapsody fanfiction #smut #fluff #rpf

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enthusiasticsobrietyabuse · 3 years

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“Enthusiastic Sobriety programs tearing families apart and convincing parents to kick their kids out onto the streets.” Originally posted on OnTheEmmis.com in 2004. ICECAP is the former incorporation and has since dissolved due to the efforts of OnTheEmmis.com

What Bob AND Joy teach parents about "tough" love and their version of "unconditional" love are just that "their version".

Does this seem as though families are being brought together and healing to you?

This is a great example of the pain that is caused when one person in the family (the child) wants to leave ICECAP and another person (the parent) believes the lies that they have been taught (that they are or will get high, can't live without being in the program, etc.) They, ICECAP, breed the fear that you as a parent have when you see them making choices that YOU don't like. What is the true meaning of letting go? Or the true meaning of unconditional love?

This is not to make any parent feel guilty for their time in an ICECAP program. I truly believe you thought you were doing the best thing. You were also a victim of the cult and it's way of thinking. That is the very reason I am posting this thread. To show the harm and hopefully save some pain for others.

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Bailey [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

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Date Posted: 13:27:44 12/22/04 Wed

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Getting kicked out of your house by your once all loving supporting do anything for you family

As most of you know my family is ALL involved in Crossroads and sense I've left its been hell, Thursday night my dad and step mom freaked out on me and my dad started pushing me and threatening to "lay me the fuck out" My dad has never so much as spanked me before we used to get along great until x-roads we got high together went to concerts movies dinner and what not, But now its as tho i don’t exist to them they call me ungrateful bitch and many other names after all that happened he told me to pack a bag and he didn't want to see me anymore, Luckily i see a therapist and he talked to my dad and calmed them down they still want me out of the house tho. I cant leave now because i belong to the state until me 18th birthday which thank god isn't far off but if they kick me out or i move out i have to spend the next month and half in juvenile again, this has happened to many of my friends who have left too they end up homeless because if there not in the group they cant be at there house, i was just wondering if anyone else's parents went crazy after they left and if it does get better?

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[> Subject: It happened to me Part 1

Author:

Hollywood

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Date Posted: 17:59:18 12/22/04 Wed

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I lived threw this every time I left the group, but especially the last time.

The last time I left I bailed the group with a guy, I knew from prior experiences that my parents would not tolerate me living in their house and not be in Pathway. So I did what I knew how to do, and hopped on a bus to California. When we got there we had no money or anything. At that point and many points throughout my time in Pathway I was willing to be a street person rather than be involved in the group. To say it didn't last long was an understatement; he was scared and refused to talk to anyone. His parents agreed to fly us back to AZ. I almost did not go because I knew that upon arriving I would have no place to go. Mind you at this point I had over a year sober. I did not bail because I wanted to get high.

When the plane touched down in PHX he had people from the group waiting to take him back. They shunned me. I had been in the group for about 5 years at that point and they could care less if I had a place to go. I now know it was because my parents would not shell out even more money for me to go into IOP (that would have been the third time).

I truly did not know who to call; I had been in the group since I was 14 years old. Not many people I knew had left and were around or willing to talk to a program drop out.

I finally gathered enough courage to call a friend of mine that had left the group, I knew she was getting high but at that point I didn't care. The streets of Phoenix were a lot more cruel than the streets of Hollywood. Her mother answered the phone, she did not sound very happy to hear my voice, on a previous runaway trip I bailed the group with her daughter and a few other people and we stole her credit cards and over $1000 dollars cash if my memory serves correctly. So this was a lady that I had fucked over to say the least. This kind woman opened her home to me. More than what my own family was capable of at that point. She allowed me to stay at their house and helped me try and find a job. At the same time unknown to me she was in contact with my parents trying to convince them to take me home, that I was actually doing fine and wasn't what the group was telling them about me.

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[> [> Subject: Re: It happened to me Part 2

Author:

Hollywood

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Date Posted: 18:00:08 12/22/04 Wed

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For some reason on Christmas Eve my parents called and told me I could move back in, but I had to live in the garage. They would set up a cot in there. I would not be allowed to use anything in the house, except the bathroom but my parents had to escort me to and from it. I agreed I didn't care; I just wanted to see my father.

When we were driving to my parents house the kind mom who allowed me to stay at her house explained to me that this was all my mothers doing, my father wanted nothing to do with my and had informed her that I was dead to him. It was because of him I would be sleeping in the garage until I could find my own home (mind you I was 18 and had never held down a job, paid bills, etc.) I lost it, this man, my father, my hero wanted nothing to do with me. This was a turning point for me. This is when I decided in my crazy still experiencing the effects of Kool-Aid that I needed to get high in order to get in the house. Because, try and follow this it is way crazy thinking looking back, if I just got high I would have something to cop to, the group would take me back, I could make amends and therefore my father would allow me in his life again. Crazy I know.

Well living in the garage lasted about 2 hours before my parents (read mother) got sick of it. My father sulked in his room and wanted nothing to do with me. Christmas Eve with all the family and Christmas day were rather awkward, to say the least. My father still did not speak to me. I believe that year they even attended the round robin. I sat at home. I soon got a job and almost immediately began getting high, smoking speed, snorting coke, and shooting heroin. This went on for about 2 years. I worked therefore my parents didn't care. They had both left the program (details of that have never been disclosed to me, I do not know why or how). And my father and my relationship finally started to re solidify.

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[> [> [> Subject: Re: It happened to me Part 2

Author:

Hollywood

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Date Posted: 18:01:09 12/22/04 Wed

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Except by this time I was strung out on heroin. Believe it or not I did go back to the group. After my parents discovered my horrible habit and asked me to check myself in to a detox center, I made an appointment with the then OG counselor. He told me to that I was going to die, that I needed to go into some Step something or other. I told him I had no money. He told me to sell my cars, I told him he was on crack my parents would never let me do that. At the same moment I was absolutely terrified they would. I told him to call them and if he could convince them I was willing. From what I understand that counselor did call my father and my father told him he was full of shit. That was the day my father became my hero again and not some brain washed ego maniac. I wound up getting off heroin a few months later. My father and my relationship has been wonderful ever since, for Christ sake we even work together. My mother is still struggling with the fact that I drink . But her and my relationship is better than it ever has been my entire life.

Sorry this was so long and detailed I never knew I would share all of this. I hope this helps you to realize to hear that some else has been threw a similar nightmare.

Good luck and if you ever need anything or need to talk about the ‘rents and the evil things they can do when they are still slugging down the Kool-Aid but you are not, email me. I am more then willing to listen.

Also if a parent reads this who is considering throwing their child out on to the streets because they are no longer in the group, let me tell them from being that child: They have no place to go! The situation that they are in worsens, they feel abandoned, and the people that they turn to are usually using drugs much heavier than they are or ever have!

PLEASE DO NOT BUY INTO ICECAPS TOUGH LOVE- this is what killed Bob’s son, this is what almost killed me, and what almost killed or even did kill many people I knew.

Hollywood

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[> Subject: Re: Did this happen to anyone else

Author:

michele

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Date Posted: 22:27:49 12/22/04 Wed

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ok bailey, i know you've already heard this but there are some who haven't... the first time i left stl i was 16. i lived on the streets and 20 dollar hotels and at my old sponsee's house. it was bad but didn't compare to when i left atl. that time i was 18. my dad had driven a car down for me. i eventually got myself kicked out. i knew it was coming. i packed up my car with at much crap as i could and then i left. i went to stl then kc. stealing gas the entire way, oh yeah and wrote a bunch of bad checks. i had to go back down to atl to pick up more of my stuff. so i took a friend with me. i got there and packed up more crap. i made it all the way back up to nashville, then my car broke down. to anyone who lives in there car it's the most important thing to you. it's your bed, your transportation, your only way to and from work. it makes your whole life work. my friend's parents wired her money and left me 60 miles south of nashville, in manchester. i took what i could from my car and started walking. i hitch hiked from there to kc. it took me 3 days almost. i looked like complete shit when i got home. think the garage is bad? my mom made me sleep on the back deck for 3 weeks. like a dog. i woke up went to work (walked my happy ass) came home and then when my mom got home from work she would let me in to go to the bathroom and shower, then i got kicked back out. when i finally proved my self she let me in the house. well that's the most important parts i guess. there's more but i wanna go to sleep. point is that things did get better. i just had to fight so hard for it. i've never had to fight for anything harder then to survive. but i'm still here. and to everyone who will ask, i never touched a truck driver, and they never asked. actually the fed me and let me sleep.

[> Subject: Re: Did this happen to anyone else

Author:

Jen from AZ

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Date Posted: 02:27:25 12/23/04 Thu

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It's stuff like this that really gets me riled! It bothers me that the "Family" (talk about dysfunctional families!) pushes parents to treat their own flesh and blood like animals! I'm sorry - but tough love is bullshit! As parents, we are to care for our kids - whether we love them or not - they are a gift from God and these parents ought to be damn grateful that they have children! Do these parents not realize that there are LAWS about this?! As long as their kid is under 18 they are required BY LAW to give their kids food, clothing and shelter. Parents, if you are kicking your kids out of your house - YOU DON'T DESERVE TO HAVE THEM!

I will NEVER turn my back on my child! I don't understand how any parent can do that! How can a parent look Their child in the eye - no matter how old they are - and turn their back on them? How can they sleep at night not knowing if their child is dead or alive? How can Bob and "friends" push this kind of treatment?! This is just totally beyond my comprehension! My blood is boiling right now!

I would give ANYTHING to have more kids at home! I cry almost every night because I want a houseful of children! Yes, I love my son with all my heart - but yes! I also want a houseful of laughing - hell, even screaming - children running around! And quite frankly it fucking pisses me off that parents treat their children like this! Sleeping in the fucking garage? On the damn patio!? Wake up you parents who are in ICECAP! I don't care if you believe the Bible or not - I do and I believe it with all my heart and it says in there that "whatever you do to the least of these, you have done to me". Guess what parents! When you treat your kids like this, you are treating God like that! I pity you! I pity the fact that one day you will have to answer for the way you have treated your kids! And I pray that you get the justice you deserve!

Sorry webmasters for going off and for using the language I used. I haven't talked like this in years, but this is a hot button for me. I get into a lot of trouble when I'm out and about in stores and see a parent yelling and/or cursing at their child. One of these days I'm probably going to get punched - but I will not keep silent! The treatment that ICECrAP pushes parents to do to their kids is abuse - pure and simple! And I refuse to hold my tongue when I see it going on!

To those of you who are experiencing this treatment or have in the past - please know that I am thinking of you and praying for things to change. Especially that your parents wake up and seek your forgiveness for the treatment they have given you! NOTHING a child does - NOTHING - warrants throwing your kids out on the streets! The atrocities that are out there... it just makes me shudder! And want to scream and rip out Bob's eyes with my bare hands. Not much gets me this worked up.

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secretradiobrooklyn · 3 years

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Shroud of Pigeon | 12.5.20

Secret Radio | 12.5.20 | Hear it here.

1. Yos Olarang - title unknown

This is a real score in my book. Generally known as Yol Aularon, this guy is Cambodia’s greatest rock musician, turning out garage rock that knows no equal in America or anywhere else, in my opinion. I tracked down this song on a tape attributed to “Yol Aularon” which includes his big hit, “Cyclo,” but also this song which I haven’t heard on any other collections. Honestly, though, I may yet run across it in a prominent collection, because I have no way of figuring out the title — every bit of the text I can find is in Cambodian. In any case, we LOVE this track! It’s almost like a catalog of Olarang’s laughs: there’s a merry snort, a giggle, and a malevolent cackle all built into the melody. I believe he’s the blazing lead guitarist as well. It’s just such a perfect gem of pure rock energy.

2. Gedou - “Scent” (I think)

Speaking of pure rock energy — DAMN, SAM! This was our introduction to Gedou, a blasting burst of Japanese glam rock whose costumes match the sounds you hear here. These guys were only originally active from ’73-’76, and then got back together sporadically after that; I believe this is from that original lineup. It’s well worth it to check the live video that this comes from. It’s an electric thrill just to see them leaning back to back, singing into the same mic, doing kicks and losing their minds in shining kimonos and silk hiphuggers. It feels like a Japanese MC5 whose wardrobe directly influenced David Bowie. One note I read says that they were popular with Japanese biker gangs at the time — and there are certainly bikes aplenty in the video. I’m looking forward to finding out more about the impact they had in Japan, and whether they made an impression in the rest of the world.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHfBhJsqrD8

3. Clothilde - “Saperlipopette”

What a strange little slab of chamber pop! Clothilde was barely even a one-hit wonder in France — she released two 45s in 1967 and, as far as I know, that was it. But what a song! It’s like a vanful of pop records crashed into a classical instrument shop. I especially dig the xylophone or whatever that is back there — hardly necessary given the hyperactive harpsichord, but it takes the poppy flavor right over the top. So many bands have tried to get to this level of fizz, but I’ve never heard it succeed like this!

- King Kong - “Ten Long Years”

Slint is one of indie rock’s most unimpeachably cool bands, which makes the silliness of King Kong all the more endearing. Band leader Ethan Buckler was the original bassist in Slint, and all of the Slint lineup got into the act at one point or another. In 1995 Drag City released King Kong’s “Me Hungry,” a sort of funky concept album about a caveman, his yak, and an inhospitable world. Sean Nelson and I spent many not-sober nights enjoying that record — “I push em out, I push em out” — and got to see them play the Crocodile Cafe. I definitely remember appreciating how groovy King Kong was, like Neanderthal B-52s. Butler even looked a bit like a shaved caver.

4. Star Feminine Band - “Femme Africaine”

Born Bad is our new favorite label, right up there with Analog Africa. They’re based in France, and release music both archival and new. Star Feminine Band is based in Benin, home to so much of our favorite music. It’s definitely worth watching the video for this song just to see how young and full of potential the girls in the band are. They were assembled in a School of Rock sort of situation, taught to play instruments and encouraged to write lyrics. The lyrics of this song are so directly uplifting it’s enough to put a lump in the throat. Meanwhile, the music is such a pleasure to listen to! The whole album is full of good stuff, but this song is pretty much their theme song. It translates to:

“Oh woman, African woman

Oh woman, Beninese woman

Black woman, get up, don't sleep

You can become president of the republic

You can become prime minister of the country

Get up, something must be done

African woman, be independent

The country needs us, go to school

Africa needs you, you have to work

The world needs us, let's stand up we'll defend

African woman, be independent”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bdDp6VAXXbk

5. Young Signorino - “Mmh Ha Ha Ha”

A few years ago a friend posted the video for this song on FB with a note that was like, “Ever see something you should hate but you can’t stop watching?” I watched it, watched it again… and watched it again. It eventually slipped out of my mind, but I was thrilled to remember it the other day in the context of WBFF. The song’s language, such as it is, is Italian, but it also just fits perfectly into the post-language mix that has been turning our cranks lately. I’m really glad to get a chance to present it here first as a piece of music, because the video really affects the experience.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K9bf4PT-aEk

6. Yura Yura Teikoku - ゆらゆら帝国で考え中 “Yura Yura Keikoku de Kangaechuu” (I think?)

This is another sweet find in a broadcast full of em! Yura Yura Teikoku is a trio formed in 1989 and have a huge rep in Japan as a psychedelic band, but apparently by 2000 they were crafting super-awesome pop songs that rocked hard. The video of this song features a singer with adorably mussed hair and a striped shirt against an orange background, looking super hip and on top of the world. From what I’ve read they were gigantic in Japan but utterly unknown outside, which changed a bit when they played New York in 2007 and again a year later, to packed houses. But that didn’t seem to do the trick, and they finally broke up in 2010. They have several good songs from this period, but this one, from a three-song 45, is the one that has hooked us the hardest so far. We can’t seem to find out even what the song title is, but as far as I can tell the band’s name translates to The Wobbling Empire, and the song title is “Thinking in the Wobbling Empire.” It’s bizarre to us that this kind of hip tight rock didn’t find a way into the bigger world… but I guess singing in Japanese was the deciding factor. Really glad to have uncovered it though!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M9CM44MohAs

7. Can - “Mother Sky”

I know a lot of bigger Can fans than me, but this track has so much of what we love in the drones, the freakouts, the lockdowns, the Engl-ish vocals, the long climb towards the climax… it feels sometimes like flying, sometimes like swimming, sometimes like burrowing deeper and deeper downwards.

8. Señor Coconut - “Showroom Dummies”

Can and Kraftwerk share enough DNA that they seem like a natural pairing. But… Señor Coconut’s version of this classic track of “Trans-Europe Express” is honestly my preferred version of the song. It sounds so sincere and strange, and I find myself thinking about the lives of mannequins even as I also hear the palm leaves switching in the breeze. The album “El Baile Aleman” — “German Dance” — was released in 1999, and apparently Kraftwerk was fine with it. Thank goodness.

- Lithics - “A Highly Textured Ceiling”

Every time I hear this track I think of Six Finger Satellite’s “The Pigeon Is the Most Popular Bird,” a crucial album for me. I learned about all of these tones for the first time from that record. I’ma write more about this band in a sec, when they show back up.

9. Schwervon! - “American Idle”

Years ago Mike Appelstein hipped us to Schwervon!, a two-piece band who were about to make the opposite journey of our own eventual path, moving from NYC to Missouri — in their case Kansas City. They turned out to be lovely individuals and an instant favorite band, and we hosted them whenever they came through STL. Their album “Courage” plays like a lost ’90s classic, and “American Idle” is one of the best tracks on there. The production of the album, by Matt Mason, is straight-up enviable. As is so often the case, good people have good friends, and they led us to Jeffrey Lewis, who has been a pleasure to get to know better since we made our own way east last year. I don’t think Matt and Nan are writing songs together anymore, but we’re glad that they did.

10. Boney M. - “Rasputin”

I saw this song peeking at me from my computer now and then, but didn’t check it out til recently. What a complete banger! The lyrics are absolutely fantastic — “Rah! Rah! Rasputin, Russia’s greatest love machine, it was a shame how he carried on!” — but so is the production… and the video, for that matter. Apparently this was a hit track in 1978. I’ve spent most of my life avoiding disco, though, so I had no idea. I love how the narrative weight shifts from the lead male voice to the chorus voices. It’s such a strange read of Rasputin’s life and death — the unkillable Casanova of Russia!

11. Rafaella Carrá - “Festa”

Did I mention that I used to hate disco? Well, this is my big comeup. We’ve been dabbling in disco on WBFF here and there, but this pairing is meant strictly for the dancefloor! This is the original Italian version, but Carrá became a massive hit in Spain and recorded most of her songs in Spanish as well. Obviously, the Spanish influence is strong in this song’s amazing flamenco claps and trumpet passages.

12. T.P. Orchestre Poly-Rythmo de Cotonou Benin et Loko Pierre - “Djo Mi Do”

There’s nowhere to go from disco but back to our prime fascination: Tout Puissant! This album is a collaboration with saxophonist Loko Pierre, and every track hits hard. But this track’s chorus, “djo mi do, djo mi do!” is such a gotdamn hook! This band continues to surprise and reward the deeper we dig into their catalog, and I feel like we’re still just getting started. So funky and fresh every time.

The chorus makes me think of a song we first heard on KDHX about a decade ago — “Dominos,” by The Big Pink. I really liked the hook of the song but loathed the cold-blooded lyrics, so I found myself hating it. You know how it is. I’m really glad to find a song that can replace it in my head — and it’s a way better song!

13. Bruno Leys - “Hallucinations”

Credit to Born Bad records once again for this song. It’s a true rarity. Bruno Leys fell in with some fellow students in Paris in 1967 including a guy named Emmanuel Pairault, who was obsessed with an instrument called the ondes Martenot, which is a very very early electronic instrument that works a little like a theremin — though it’s played by wearing a ring on one finger and sliding it along a wire, depressing the wire to change the note — but has a crazy range of sounds. The instrumental hook in this song, as well as the backing notes, are on the onde Martenot. Leys co-wrote and recorded four songs with the band, they got signed up with a label, released a 7”, then he had to leave for compulsory military service… and by the time he got back two years later there was no band and no label. The 7” was practically unobtainable til this year, when Born Bad records finally released it anew. I hope Leys is still alive to appreciate that it finally made its way into the world!

- The Psycheground Group - “Psycheground”

14. Troubadour Dali - “Spirit of ’67”

Oh, Troubadour… Sleepy Kitty shared a label with Troubadour Dali for several years, and we were big fans of their whirling swirling psychedelia. They had a couple of chicks (I think they’d approve of the word) projecting old-school colored oil-and-water light effects on the band, and when they were on, they looked and felt like the greatest band in the land. Troubadour went through an impressive number of players over the years, and there was generally some sort of drama or mayhem going on — not too surprising for a band who loved Brian Jonestown Massacre. The main songwriter was a lanky, handsome fella named Ben, though there were also great songs by Kevin and, every once in a great while, a powerful contribution by a quiet, snappy dresser named Benjamin. Benjamin apparently put this recording together entirely on his own. When he showed it to the band they flipped out — it’s obviously a winner — and they quickly got together a live version of it. Man, it tore the house down every time. At some point, though, in the midst of some of that drama, Benjamin started to kind of slip sideways out of the band. As they were finishing up their second full length, he declined to let the band record this song, or to make the demo available, despite their pleas. Eventually they went forward without it, and I don’t know what happened to Benjamin but I do know that Paige happened to rediscover her copy of “Spirit of ‘67″ recently, tucked into a stack of burned CDs. We’re very glad to get to drop this very special song into this secret radio mix.

- The Psycheground Group - “Psycheground”

Rare Italian instrumental noodles from the mid ’70s.

15. The Velvet Underground - “After Hours”

*Not ruined. Affected, but not ruined. She said so.

16. Jean Cussac in “Le Livre de la Jungle” - “Etre un homme comme vous”

One musical adventure we’ve really enjoyed is checking out familiar musicals in unfamiliar tongues. And though you may not think of Disney’s “Jungle Book” as a musical, you’d be mistaken. This version of “I Want to Be Like You” is a particular delight. It plays straight with the original, but the presence of the French language inflects the rhythms with a Parisian flavor that I’d never noticed before.

17. Duch Kim Hak - “Neary Sok Khley”

Another hit from the Cambodian treasure chest. Paige noted as we listened the first time, “This one has good chords,” and we took to referring to it as Cambodian ska. I think it’s meant to be a simple twist song, but there’s a royal quality to the chords that really puts it above a straightforward dance novelty. And his vocal delivery is ace!

18. The Fall - “Terry Waite Sez”

Not much needed on this one! This is one in a host of classics from 1986’s “Bend Sinister.” The Brix E. period of The Fall is just the BEST.

19. Twiggy - “When I Think of You”

Paige: “I was made aware of this record by The Deccas [a band she briefly sang with in Chicago]. They knew every single girl group song that had ever been recorded. This was the same band where the guy who was obsessed with Scott Walker and looked like him and his house was very /60s and he had a word processor. I didn’t even know what a word processor was. That’s unrelated to this song though. She’s one of the great singing models — and maybe next week we’ll play another one. There are three known.”

- Psycheground Group - “Psycheground”

20. Hallelujah Chicken Run Band - “Alikulila”

SO happy to have this album on vinyl at last! It was just released in this format, and Analog Africa is always so good at including notes about the album’s genesis. These guys are from Zambia, and they pioneered the translation of mbira parts into guitar parts, while writing these amazing songs that I’ve never heard anything like. Except for one. One of their songs sounds a bit like a Bound Stems song. Which is weird, because obviously we’d never heard them when we wrote “Cloak of Blue Sky.” It just proves to me that they were both way ahead of their time and working in an idiom that could and should be hit music today. It sounds so alive and creative and insightful, like good indie rock should.

21. Lithics - “Snake Tattoo / Twisting Vine”

Lithics is one of my favorite contemporary bands. They played Foam in St. Louis like five years ago, right after I’d discovered their existence via the excellent album “Borrowed Floors.” Foam was a tiny little club that fit maybe 50 people and was sure to go apeshit for this show. I was SO psyched to be there… but the night of, we couldn’t get out because we were staying out in the Illinois woods and it was snowing enough to make the return trip too treacherous. As much as that’s one of the main shows of my life I wish I’d seen, I’m glad that Brad got to see them and tell me about it later. I hope I can catch them in NYC.

22. Sunny Blacks Band - “Mission spéciale”

OK, I admit that I’m obsessed with Melome Clement — or Meloclem, as he is known by some in Benin. He’s the composer of hundreds of T.P. Orchestre songs, and I’ve written about him a ton. I know he plays some horns and I believe he plays the slashing guitar that you hear in this track. I don’t think that’s him singing but I’m not sure; his voice is very malleable. Sunny Blacks Band is the group he was playing with when the T.P. Orchestre guys found him. It’s hard music to track down, but I love how much it rocks — or “jerks,” as they said at the time. We’ve also played the track “Holonon Die” on here and it jerks too, with an extended, wild electric guitar solo over pulsing trap and hand drums. What a freakin powerhouse Meloclem is.

23. Betti-Betti - “La Vie de Bettie Bettie Chanteuse Camerounaise”

This recording is a beautiful mystery. It appears in a film called “Badiaga,” which I encountered while looking for music by Betti-Betti, a superstar within her nation of Cameroon. This comes from one of the final scenes in the movie. There are different summations of the film (we don’t understand the language of the film itself), but apparently the story is “inspired by” the story of Betti-Betti, who was discovered as a child wandering in a marketplace, brought up extremely poor and eventually sang (a cappella?) on the radio, whereupon she became an instant success. She played constant shows and played with many of the region’s heaviest hitters, including T.P. Orchestre (they recorded an album together, which is how we found out about her). As for this recording — I don’t know if this is sung by Betti-Betti or by the actress playing her. And I don’t know the male character singing alongside her, though I’m guessing he’s a real-life music figure himself. It’s a beautiful duet, rich with feeling, and the performance footage throughout the movie is electrifying.

P.S. This film is also how I found out about Eko Roosevelt, whose “Me To a Dey My Own” is an epic upbeat number we’ve played on WBFF!

24. Guided By Voices - “The Goldheart Mountaintop Queen Directory”

A perfect song, meant for the opposite of social distancing: to be sung full-bore in a crowd with one’s arms slung around sweating strangers, straight into the face of the band (I’ll be the one hooting the recorder part). This is how legends are made.

- Janko Nilovic & Soul Surfers - “Maze of Sounds”

I love the bass part on this album as much as the album artwork, which we will surely have included somewhere around here. This guy’s story is pretty interesting: he was born in Istanbul to a Montenegrin father and Greek mother, and his career started by working with French singer Davy Jones (but not THAT Davy Jones) in 1967. He got into recording for sound libraries, working in soul and funk and psych music, gained a serious composing rep and eventually, maybe inevitably, his music started getting sampled by the likes of Dr. Dre and Jay Z. Not bad, not bad!

25. Gnonnas Pedro et Ses Dadjes - “La Musica en Verité”

Maybe someday we’ll release the version of this song that we recorded in the early days of the pandemic. This is the final track (if not the final song) on the immortal “Legends of Benin” album on Analog Africa. My favorite aspect is how the guitar plays the same mesmerizing piece throughout, but the percussion evolves over the course of the song until it has gradually changed completely. It’s a subtle dynamic but it’s a master clinic in how to run a drone song the right way. Also, that organ part is just beautiful.

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goldeneyedgirl · 4 years

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TwiFicMas Redux: NYE Edition

STL Alice is being a reluctant brat in telling me what she wants to say, so instead of a surprise chapter, I bring you... more of The Unexpected Second Life of Mary Alice Brandon: Magnolia. This is the official end of FicMas until I decide that the thing the world needs is some ridiculous lead up to Valentine’s Day with 12 variations on Alice and Jasper being cute.

So, onwards my dears, and I hope everyone has a happy and safe NYE.

(Alice has met the Cullens, had a very Pro-Jasper vision, and bailed poor Jasper up in public to try awkwardly flirting with him. Rosalie tells Alice to fuck right off leave Jasper alone, and Alice is feeling very sorry for herself, especially since her new stepsister Ellie has told everyone at Forks High that Alice was in a mental institution, and has a pretty strained relationship with her mother and sister.

Anyone who might have read Memento Mori can probably recognize aspects that I later used for it, and will probably be changed for the final posted version as recent read-throughs have agitated the Editing Badger that lives in my brain.)

Halloween was fast upon us, and everyone else seemed excited for the dance - it was already the only thing that anyone talked about. Not that many people were talking to me at school – Ellie’s rumour spreading had made me the subject of a lot of gossip, but no overtures of friendship.

And I hated Halloween.

My previous Halloween had consisted of watery green cordial in paper cups, cupcakes with chalky orange icing and a sad pair of cardboard wings I'd made in art therapy. Trick or treating at various doctors' offices and the nurses station had been compulsory and the ‘treats’ had consisted of sugar-free candy or fruit that most of us left to rot in the day room.

Forks kids seemed really psyched about it. The school was decorated in green and purple streamers, with cardboard bats and twine spider webs. Cynthia was having a Halloween Costume Parade at the middle school. Every food outlet in town had Halloween specials, and even the gas station was selling costumes.

I couldn't bring myself to care about costumes or anything else. Ellie was planning on going as Marilyn Monroe, and Cynthia was going as Dorothy, bouncing off the walls in excitement over the red-sequin shoes she had made herself.

Forks High had a costume contest that involved free movie tickets or something, and it was clearly a big deal, from the plans I overheard. I had absolutely no intention of dressing up, not so much as a pair of orange socks.

It was only when mom got annoyed at me that I dug out an old, long-sleeved leotard and a frilly skirt. Paired with leggings and flats and a sleek bun, I looked like a pretty half-assed ballerina, but it passed Mom's scrutiny. I had, of course, attempted just to leave the house in PJs, but had been marched back up to my room.

With my hoodie zipped up, I didn’t look like I was in costume at all. However, everyone else definitely was – even the Cullens had managed to get in on the act. Rosalie was a gorgeous flapper, her hair pinned up elaborately to look like pin curls; the biggest Cullen who was Rosalie’s boyfriend made a convincing if friendly-looking gangster. Edward and his dark-haired girlfriend were hippies, complete with an elaborately painted guitar and flower crown.

Jasper looked about as enthused about the holiday as I was, with a cowboy hat and boots.

The teachers were handing out candy and snacks – my Lit teacher had actually made mini-cupcakes for every single one of her students, complete with little candy pumpkins. The cafeteria provided bat-shaped cookies and disgusting pumpkin-flavoured mains, which meant my lunch ended up being a cookie and a soda, and the candy from my morning classes.

I wasn’t expecting to open my locker that afternoon to find a small pile of candy and two of Ms Lowe’s mini-cupcakes on a napkin. Who even had my locker combination? Was this some ill-planned attempt to make me feel better from the administration?

Candy was candy, and I popped the cupcakes into my mouth as I pulled my books out and crammed them into my shoulder bag. I had a headache coming on, no doubt from the amount of sugar I had consumed and my tight hairdo. Yanking the pins and hairnet out, I let my hair tumble around my face in loose waves.

It was only when I shut my locker and turned around, I saw Jasper Hale watching me from the end of the hallway, an utterly inscrutable look on his face.

I popped a piece of gum in my mouth and walked out, pulling my hood over my head to avoid the ever-present drizzle. Another wet walk home, to hand out candy all evening – both Ellie and Cyn had Halloween dances at school, and Mom and Craig were chaperoning for Cyn’s school.

As I walked across the cafeteria towards my usual corner table, I felt my vision blur and darken, and the last thing I was aware of was the sound my tray made as it fell from my hands.

Blood pooling in the snow, a house of mirrors. Feet – my feet, my old boots – running through the forest. Cold, blue lips, my father’s dead eyes as he stared at me from the seat next to me, blood everywhere, black and red and warm… My own strangled screams, and the bitter taste of powdery pills on the back of my tongue, leaving me feeling dull and clumsy. My hoarse calls. Myself screaming as the ECT went terribly wrong.

I came back with a gasp to find myself standing in the middle of the cafeteria, my tray at my feet, and people were whispering, giggling. My vision was still swimming, and I couldn’t get myself to move; I was worried I would trip or faint. I could still see myself running in the snow, smell and taste the blood.

And then there was someone at my elbow, murmuring in my ear. I heard nothing as they guided me, my legs feeling gelatinous. I was gently, carefully helped onto a seat and when I blinked I was looking at Edward Cullen, who was beside me looking concerned.

“Alice, are you okay?” he asked in a low voice.

I swallowed hard, and just nodded my head. It was pounding, but reality was fitting itself back together slowly. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes again for a second.

“Alice,” the dark-haired Bella was beside me, holding a paper cup. “I got you something to drink.”

“Thank you,” I croaked, taking the paper cup. As I sipped, I realised the rest of the Cullens were at the table – the big one was staring at me curiously, Jasper was pointedly ignoring me, and Rosalie was giving me a death look.

I set the cup down on the table. “Thank you for helping,” I said simply to Edward. I knew where I wasn’t welcome, and I wasn’t going to be a verbal punching bag for Rosalie twice in one week. I could get something out of the vending machine in the doorway and hide in the library again.

“Do you need to go to the nurse?” Bella asked kindly.

“No, I’m fine now. It happens,” I offered her a smile that was far too brittle to be convincing, and stood up carefully. My balance was still slightly off but it would be enough to get me away.

“Please, sit with us for a while,” Edward said, shuffling along. Rosalie sneered at me. “Ignore her, she’s naturally unpleasant. Stay, please.”

I knew that I probably wouldn’t make it across the cafeteria without stumbling like a drunken toddler. I also knew that Rosalie was probably one lunch break away from dumping me in a shallow grave.

But I took the seat again.

Rosalie’s gaze landed on my wrist, where my hospital band had fallen loose of my sleeve.

“What is it?” she asked, nodding at it. “A hospital band?”

I found myself almost cowering at her words, shrinking back as I slid the band back under my sleeve.

“Yes,” I said quietly. “You’ve probably heard the rumours.”

“We don’t exactly keep abreast of the Forks High rumour mill,” she sniffed as if I had told her to eat out of the garbage.

“Why should we? We are the rumours,” the big guy grinned and Rose, Edward and Bella all collectively rolled their eyes.

“What were you in for?”

Jasper. Rose scowled at me, and then him, and then refocused her ire on me. I was done. This was uncomfortable and weird and if I had wanted to be somewhere with people who didn’t want me, well, I had a lot of choices.

“I’m the crazy one,” I said and stood up. “Thanks, again.”

I felt their eyes on me as I walked away, and didn’t even bother to stop for lunch. I just headed to the library.

#my nye included test-driving new sleep medication so i think that explains more than it probably should #TwilightFicMas2019 #TwilightFicMas: Redux #It never fucking ends #FicMasGothic: the end never comes #everyone just has to read snippets of my unfinished writing with no resolution for the rest of time #twilight fic #twilight #alice cullen #jasper hale #jalice #my fic: tuslomab #my fic: magnolia

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andrewuttaro · 4 years

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New Look Sabres: GM 32 - STL - 20 in 32

5-2 Regulation Win

Before this game I had a long meandering diatribe written about the Buffalo Sabres Front Office and their willingness to actually do the hard work to get this team to the playoffs this year. It had a bunch of references to past quotes and a John Vogl article reference. You’ll probably get it in the postgame of another game because its an important conversation. Tonight is not the night for it. Tonight was something that is painfully rare in the life of a Sabres fan in this painfully long decade: a solid win. A solid win against a team that is pretty inarguably the better team. The Sabres played up to their opponent and matched them shot for shot, block for block, goal for… well more goals. They did it all to compete and they won. They brought their A game and it wasn’t just enough, it was a fun game to watch. For once they didn’t fall asleep in the third period, they sealed the deal in the third period! And they did it on national television! They were playing Buffalo Bills dress up or something! Wow, that’s a complement! For this one shining night we live in the happy timeline in a season where again and again we’ve felt like we’re in the darkest one. But let’s not bury the lead here: Jack Eichel has 20 goals in 32 games. He has 20 goals a full ten games short of the halfway mark of the season. He has flowered this season so much and has thrust himself into the conversation for the Hart Trophy. He’s an MVP candidate and he’s the hottest player in the NHL right now. That 14-game point streak is the longest active in the NHL right now and now only one game short of Patrick Kane’s from earlier this season. I’d say Jack demonstrated leadership in this game and he did make some plays and lead in a certain way, but the second goal was an empty netter with two seconds left on the game clock. The twentieth goal was what it was but the whole St. Louis Blues defensive core parted like the red sea for him on his nineteenth goal earlier in the game. Ok, we got a lot to get to, let’s get to it.

St. Louis is leading the Central Division and the whole Western Conference. Yeah, Colorado, Edmonton and Arizona are on their heels but they’re a team that belongs up there. The Sabres sit third in the Atlantic and don’t really look like they belong there. The first period of this tilt did not look as one sided as the matchup. Buffalo came out and scored on their first shot of the game. It was a whacky play that I’m not even sure Victor Olofsson meant to put on net. It looked like he was passing it to Sam Reinhart or Jack Eichel who had just arrived in front of Jake Allen. The puck went in off of David Perron’s skate and the home team was up 1-0. The immediate minutes to follow made it look like the Sabres wouldn’t get another shot. The St. Louis Blues arrived and a quick pass play from Ivan Barbashev assisted Troy Brouwer’s first goal of the season. For the rest of the period the game would play as even as the score was. Linus Ullmark stood tall and leaped for some pretty spectacular saves and Jack Eichel saw an open net he almost retook the lead via. The second period continued in this fashion. Third Star of this game was the posts. Not five minutes went by throughout this game without a high pitch iron clang echoing up toward the banners. The Sabres penalty kill stood tall as well in spite of a continually depressing powerplay. At one point the NBC broadcast showed that the Sabres powerplay is 21st in the NHL. Okay, so I know it needs to be better than that. It’s terrible and almost worth firing an assistant coach over. But I don’t know about you but whenever I’m reminded it’s hardly in the top ten worst in the NHL I feel a little better. Small victories.

If we’re going to talk small victories there was a defensive stalemate around the halfway point in this game. The Blues picked up the pace outshooting the Sabres 9-2 by the midgame mark but not many scoring chances really came for either side. The 1-1 tie was finally broken after a Sabres powerplay actually sped up the ferocity of the game dramatically late in the middle frame. The powerplay didn’t convert but I think you already knew that. No, Zach Bogosian pounded a puck off target behind the net from the blueline and Johan Larsson came streaking in, scooped up the rebound and snapped it in. 2-1 Sabres in the dying seconds of the second period. The third period saw this game get really interesting. About three and a half minutes in Alex Pietrangelo got the equalizer off a good drop pass from David Perron that caught Ullmark down on his belly. Less than two minutes later however Captain Jack showed up to extend his point streak to 14-straight games. Eichel got the puck from Reinhart and skated around the net. He comes out from behind with no particular speed just surveying the football field of space the Blues defense decided to leave to him. I could one day become President of the United States and not receive that level of respectful treatment from folks who are supposed to be against me. Eichel fires it far side with the three St. Louis defenders looking on like servants to his royal court and Buffalo is back in the lead 3-2. Now it was encouraging to see a real effort to defend the lead as the third period continued on, really it was, but Linus Ullmark earned his pay in this game. He played offensively with the puck in ways that you cringe at with most goalies. He is playing with confidence in a way that cannot go unnoticed by the guys playing in front of him. Gee, I am just so proud of him. I feel like a proud dad. I’ve been watching him since the start of his Rochester Americans days and now to see him take such confident control of an NHL goalie job is just… *chef’s kiss* delightful.

Frantic hockey unfolded as regulation ticked away. The Blues were about to lose their third straight for the first time this season. Charming, eh? By the time they pulled Jake Allen for the extra skater I was hardly lucid. This was not just a game the Sabres stayed with the Stanley Cup Champions, this was a game they outmaneuvered the Stanley Cup Champions and ended up winning. A lose puck toward the unguarded net was tapped in by Zemgus Girgensons and wow… this is actually going to be a win. Then, when you think it couldn’t get any better, Jack Eichel scores his twentieth goal of the season in the last two seconds of the game with another empty netter! This one ended 5-2 Buffalo! Just like the Buffalo Bills will see National TV with Sunday Night Football this weekend so the Buffalo Sabres executed beautifully on a national stage. I hope the writers in this league were watching tonight because this is your MVP right here! He’s third in the league in goals as I write this! He beat Connor McJesus and Leon Dri-God in Edmonton! He’s beaten Ryan O’Reilly and the Stanley Cup Champion St. Louis Blues! O’Reilly WHO!? YOUR BANNERS HAVE NO POWER IN THE DOMAIN OF JACK EICHEL!

Phew, okay I got to cool down and wipe the sweat off. Time to wrap this up. The Sabres have won 5 out of their last 11 and gotten points in all but one of those contests. The resurrection has been slow but if they can beat the Blues I think they may just be back. Shut up about the Blues being on a little skid very recently, just let yourself have nice things every now and again. It’s fun to just enjoy things sometimes, especially when those sometimes are so rare. They take this little upswing to the back half of the two-game homestand against the Nashville Predators on Thursday night. Out of these two teams this week I would have told you St. Louis would be the harder team to beat but I also thought Edmonton would be the hardest team to beat in Western Canada and we know how that went. The Preds sit four points out of a Western Conference wildcard and are just below .500 on the season. If the Buffalo plays like this again Thursday night they can win. I am almost tempted to buy tickets to see Jack Eichel tie this season’s NHL point streak record. Either way, just promise yourself you’ll enjoy this. And hope this hotness is the real hotness. For now its good for second in the Atlantic Division, put that in your pipe and smoke it. 20 in 32, baby! Two points! Let’s Go Buffalo!

Thanks for Reading.

P.S. Don’t look now but Brandon Montour is as hot as the LOG/GLO line right now; and that’s really hot!

#buffalo sabres #Hockey #NHL #blog

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ishy-fish · 6 years

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That was unexpected.

May 22, 2018

Wow. Long time, no Tumblr. My life has felt like there was a missing piece, and now I feel whole again.

Honestly, though, the connections I have on here with people, regardless of if I actively communicate with a person regularly or just by likes, I feel uplifted by it. Tumblr is a great place.

ANYWAY, as anticipated, May turned into a total shit show. My last day of school was May 16th, but that was two days before everyone else was let out. I had TWO out-of-town weddings SIX DAYS apart. So I went to northeast Iowa from STL for one wedding with my Dad and stepmom and daughter (OMG. I cannot be a single parent) and then came back Sunday and on Wednesday, flew out of STL to the Twin Cities (Minneapolis/St. Paul) and then DROVE another 3 hours to Duluth to arrive at 4 am Thursday. Wow! It was quite the adventure.

I feel like I am still not able to fully sit down and relax because I am on a tentative break until summer school starts (#workaholic) so I need to get as much stuff done as humanly possible.

Most of my mornings thus far have consisted of my traditional consuming of Eggo Buttermilk Waffles, a few pieces of chocolate, and an iced coffee while bingeing New Girl or Dateline.

The grass needs mowing, the floors need sweeping (gag me), and the whole house needs general decluttering.

This post was mostly for me, but if you’ve made it this far, THANKS FOR STICKING WITH ME! :)

I’m totally nutty at this point of the year and will only find peace and solace on the first of September when all makes sense and has stabilized in my super routine-driven teacher lyfe.

If you’ve been keeping up with my reading of Outlander, have no fear! I have continued my quest to finish this book before 2019.

214 pages down, 636 to go! (My reading is going painfully slow, but I LOVE it.)

I missed you, @katnissdoesnotfollowback, @ra3lynn3, @lovely-tothe-bone, @gabzep & @savvylark. Hope to reconnect soon!

I love my little family so much and don’t much care for anonymity. Please enjoy Little Ishyfish (Arya) and Mr. Ishyfish on our vacation to Duluth.

#ishyfishreadsabook #ishyfishtravels

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waltersnancy-blog · 5 years

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Tailor Your Resume To The Job

While I’m slowly working to build a viable income stream via an online business, it’s always been my intention to continue working a — GASP! — job for a long time to come. I possess some valuable skills and qualifications that help protect some pretty important networks — and working pays fairly well — so I see no reason to quit working.

I’m always keeping my eye open for new opportunities. Recently, I found what looks to be a dream job in an ideal location (I’ll say more if I actually get it!), so I need to apply for the job. This reminded me of the system I developed about 7 years ago that helps me build a resume that actually stands a chance of getting to the hiring manager.

Human Relations (HR) people have a tough job. They usually do the initial screening on a resume, and while they are, for the most part, hard-working and care about putting the best-qualified candidate in each position so that their company can maximize profits, there’s no way that they can be an expert on every position in a company. So I came up with the idea of matching my resume to the published job description. Why not make their work as easy as possible?

I decided to share this process here on my business building blog. I’m pretty confident that many who will read this will still need to work a job, and if this helps you get a better job (in terms of pay, happiness, etc.), then it will have been worth the while.

Here’s the process I use:

1. Take the posted job description and copy it into a text document.

2. Separate each required/desired task/qualification onto a separate line.

3. Save the file as a CSV file (so it will open in Excel or Open Office Calc).

4. Open it as a spreadsheet. If all went well, all of the tasks/qualifications will appear in the first column on the left-hand side.

5. Insert a row at the top.

6. Starting in the second column (Column B), create a column for each job you have done in the past. Use the first row of each column to enter a label for each job.

I created a column for my current job, my most recent job in Germany, the job before that in the St. Louis area, etc. Since my most recent jobs have been geographically defined, I used “CS”, “DE”, “STL”, etc. for the labels. Use whatever makes sense to you; you’ll be the only person to see this spreadsheet.

NOTE: When I create columns for my various jobs, I actually go back 30 years. That may not be possible for some of you… (and “thanks” for reading an old guy’s blog!)

7. Now read each task that’s listed down the left side of the spreadsheet (in the first column). If you performed that task in a particular job, put an “x” in the corresponding column.

I’ll only mark the two most recent jobs for that particular task (one of the requirements for the job I want is the ability to monitor and maintain intrusion detection/prevention systems).

If it helps, you can print out the spreadsheet before you perform this step and mark the columns with a pen or pencil. Whatever works best for you.

8. After I fill in the columns for each task, I start to craft the resume. I first do a brief section with contact info, and then do a chronological resume, starting with my current (or most recent) job.

I go down the column, and if I did something in a past job that’s on the job description for the job I want, I write it in the narrative description for that particular old job. And this is important — I write the things I did in the exact same order that they appear in the job description, using the exact terms used in the job description.

Do you see what I’m trying to do here? I’m trying to make it easy for the prospective employer. If an HR staff member is holding the job description in one hand and my resume in the other, I want to make it easy for them to match up the two — and see that I’m qualified for the position.

At the end of the “matched” description, I might add a few more things that I think may be of importance to the hiring manager; I have a pretty good “feel” for what’s important to them after several years in the computer security field. I may also elaborate a bit on the actual “matched” task in the basic description (the one that was written to make it easy for HR to match up my qualifications with the job description).

At the very end of the resume, I’ll list my education, training, certifications, and (since it’s a government job) my security clearance level and status. If there are any other requirements (i.e. a willingness to travel), I’ll add a brief statement at the end (and will list some of my travel “experience” in other parts of the resume).

I should also add that I have a “master resume” where I try to list everything that I have ever done on a job, no matter how boring or mundane. I also keep copies of past performance evaluations and the like. As the saying goes, a dull pencil remembers more than a sharp mind, so writing this stuff down makes sense (especially when you go back 30 years or so in your job history!).

Once again, here are the goals:

1. A resume that is tailored to the job description of the position you are applying for. It makes easier for HR and management to see that I’m a strong candidate for a job.

2. A unique resume for each job description. No more blasting out the same resume for hundreds of positions. Yes, it’s more work — but you want a job, don’t you? And how much time do you think HR is going to spend trying to match your job experience to the position requirements when they have several hundred resumes on their desk for one position (and need to screen all candidates by close of business)? Yes, make it easy for them…

3. A better chance of getting your resume past the “gatekeeper” and actually getting it in front of somebody who has the authority to hire you (or influence the hiring manager).

Again, this isn’t typical stuff for a “build a business” blog, but I know that a lot of people reading this are not yet in a position where they can quit their job (or they may need a job now to bring in consistent income as they build their business). Even in tough times, you can get a job if you can show an employer that you can help them profitably run their business. And having a resume that concisely shows that you can do EXACTLY what the job description says is much better than blasting out a generic resume “blindly”, isn’t it?

Hope you soon get the job you want so that you can productively — and happily — contribute.

Besides, I think that being honest on a resume — even if it results in your not looking like the “perfect” candidate — makes the rest of your accomplishments look all that much more realistic. While it’s possible that some candidates meet all the requirements for a position, I don’t think that usually happens. To be honest, open a realistic channel of communication with a potential employer when you write your resume — and go to sleep with a clean conscience tonight (and hopefully a job tomorrow).

One more thing: Never sound desperate in a job interview. When I need to outsource a task, I know that the work is going to benefit both me and the person doing the job — but I outsourced the task because I needed the work done and having somebody else do it will increase my profits. I have neither the time nor the inclination to listen to somebody tells me how desperate they are for a job — any job. In a job interview, focus on how you will help the employer and/or manager profitably solves their problems — and more often than not, you’ll get hired.

#resume #job #career

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lawrenceop · 7 years

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Further thoughts on Scorsese’s ‘Silence’

My first post (not really a review as such) was just a few initial impressions hurriedly typed up as soon as I returned from watching Scorsese’s ‘Silence’ on Tuesday. I was rather overwhelmed, therefore, by the positive response to it – almost 900 shares on social media so far. Thank you!

Once again, in what follows, there will be ‘spoilers’ so do not read on if this bothers you.

Since then I’ve had a chance to talk to my Dominican brothers about it, have a few online discussions, and in between working on my STL thesis I’ve had time to reflect a bit more. Part of what I really enjoyed about this movie is that it engenders lots of discussion and it’s of sufficient complexity to warrant several interpretations of its themes and ideas over a multitude of disciplines. A friend of mine, an anthropologist who I met in Oxford, made a particularly astute observation which I’ve since developed a little bit, and I thought it might resonate with other people’s observations of the film perhaps.

This time my focus is on the main character of the story, Padre Rodrigues, who is the antihero of this movie for me but his story highlights an area of Christian spirituality and moral theology that is seldom talked about. It seems to me that the story of Rodrigues could be seen as a parable of God’s pedagogy; a story that tells of how in the mystery of divine Providence one is led through sin by grace from vice towards virtue.

St Thomas Aquinas in his Commentary of 2 Corinthians notes that “pride, properly called, separates from God and is the root of all vices and the worst of them”. And we see how Padre Rodrigues was in danger of falling deeply into this vice. Firstly, a certain arrogance led him to Japan – he was very sure of himself and confident that he would be able to rescue Padre Ferreira. He was also very sure of his faith and his fortitude. But faith is a gift from God, and fortitude even to the point of suffering martyrdom is an infused virtue. In other words, these virtues do not come from our own efforts but are received in humility from God. Pride, however, as St Thomas says is “an inordinate desire for one’s own excellence” and if one seeks such excellence independently of God, then, St Thomas says, “he can even fall into other vices, such as ambition, avarice, vainglory and the like”. Hence, for example, Rodrigues exhibited ambition – he longed for the glory of finding Ferreira – as well as vainglory – he loved too much, perhaps, to be revered and be indispensable to the villagers and so he easily succumbed to being lured out of hiding because he believed he was needed. I grant that he may not have acted out of these vices but as a priest I recognise how subtle and prevalent these spiritual vices are for us.

Certainly, Padre Rodrigues’ vice of pride becomes evident in his contempt for Kichijiro. As an aside, let me observe that Kichijiro is presented as a somewhat comical figure but, as I think about it, he is an interesting figure of the habitual sinner and I can recognise myself in him. Through weakness and habit, many will fall into the same sins repeatedly, and each time we go to confession with regret and contrition. However, if we step back and look at ourselves, I think we will also recognise something comic in this. And the ability to laugh at oneself and one’s stupidity when falling again and again into the same sin can be a good thing. It can lead to a certain humility for it is said that the Devil never laughs because he takes himself too seriously; he’s too full of pride and self-regard.

In any case, as Kichijiro comes to the priest for confession yet another time after having stamped on the image of Christ again, we hear Rodrigues’ interior monologue. Shockingly, just before giving absolution to Kichijiro, Rodrigues expresses his prideful disdain for the Japanese apostate. And yet, humility would remind us that any good we do comes about because of God’s grace, including our avoidance of sin and preservation in virtue. His grace prompts, sustains and brings to perfection every good work, and we are co-operators but without Christ we can do nothing (see John 15:5). Therefore, St Paul says: “For by grace you have been saved through faith; and this is not your own doing, it is the gift of God – not because of works, lest any man should boast” (Eph 2:8-9). It is in this moment that we see the height of pride that grips Padre Rodrigues. And so begins the divine pedagogy in which God applies a remedy against pride.

As we say, “pride comes before a fall”, and so, Padre Rodrigues falls into apostasy. Many people have commented on the apostasy of the priests in ‘Silence’ but I do not think that the movie encourages it, even though it might provide an apologia for it. Rather, it seems to me that Padre Rodrigues is allowed to fall into the sin of apostasy - for which he had once held Kichijiro in such disdain - and they become, as it were, kindred spirits. Indeed, they become friends and companions. Padre Rodrigues is thus humbled by his fall into apostasy and in taking on this sin, he begins to empathise with the tragicomic figure of Kichijiro. And empathy is the first step towards friendship.

Now I say that God allows Rodrigues to fall into this sin because it is by God’s permissive will that we sin. God doesn’t directly will that we sin, of course, but because he desires that we have free will and so learn to love the good and the true, so, in his Providence, he permits sin. Moreover, God desires that we learn to love and so there is an intriguing thread of Christian spirituality that recognises that sin is part of the divine pedagogy because we learn from our mistakes, so to speak. I first came across this idea as a novice and it has stayed with me. In ‘The Way of the Preacher’, Simon Tugwell OP observes that “sin itself is a form of suffering, which, paradoxically, purifies a man”. This teaching he traces to St Irenaeus, “for whom sin is an important aspect of divine pedagogy – not that God actually instigated sin directly, but he set up the world in such a way that sin was extremely likely to take place, and could be treated as one possible way of making Adam realise his dependence on God. It comes to be fairly standard doctrine that God permits people to fall into the more obvious kinds of carnal sin as an antidote to pride”. Hence, St John Damascene says in ‘De fide orthodoxa’ that in God’s Providence, a man might be “allowed to fall at times into some act of baseness in order that another worse fault may be thus corrected, as for instance when God allows a man who takes pride in his virtue and righteousness to fall away into fornication in order that he may be brought through this fall into the perception of his own weakness and be humbled and approach and make confession to the Lord.”

So, too, St Thomas in his Commentary on 2 Corinthians says that “God sometimes permits his elect to be prevented by something on their part, eg: infirmity or some other defect, or sometimes even mortal sin, from obtaining such a good, in order that they be so humbled on this account that they will not take pride in it, and that being thus humiliated, they may recognize that they cannot stand by their own powers”.

It seems to me that Rodrigues is definitely humiliated and humbled by his sin of apostasy. For he effectively loses his priesthood, and as a notorious apostate he becomes something of a freak show for Japanese and Europeans alike, whose only friends are his fellow apostates. From the moment of his apostasy, we see him in a bit of a daze, practically speechless, and totally dispirited; unenthusiastic and robotic in his censorship of imported Christian materials. It seems he descends into a death-like silence and in this silence perhaps he finds the One who he once accused of being silent. This idea of the kenosis of Christ whereby he encounters the sinner in the depths, in any event, is proposed by the theologian, Hans Urs von Balthasar, who had been a Jesuit.

It is from the depths of this nothingness, it seems then, that Rodrigues can learn to depend once more on God and his grace. This is what his clinging to the little Crucifix appears to symbolise. In the end, finding himself to be weak and undependable, he depends totally on the Crucified One, or at least, clings to him for mercy. And, if we think about it, isn’t that the one great spiritual lesson each one of us has to learn? For as St Benedict said: “we descend by self-exaltation and ascend by humility. And the ladder thus set up is our life in the world, which the Lord raises up to heaven if our heart is humbled”.

#humility #divine pedagogy #sin #pride #humbling #Silence #review #spirituality #moral theology #vices #virtues #Providence

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enthusiasticsobrietyabuse · 3 years

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To The Parents who are still in the Program (and those who have left) - OnTheEmmis.com 2004

There is a thread on the other message board that I think the parents need to be informed about. This is about the harm that is caused to the children from parents that are still in an ICECAP program. These are true stories (not edited) just copied and pasted for you to read. What Bob AND Joy teach parents about "tough" love and their version of "unconditional" love are just that "their version". Does this seem as though families are being brought together and healing to you? This is a great example of the pain that is caused when one person in the family (the child) wants to leave ICECAP and another person (the parent) believes the lies that they have been taught (that they are or will get high, can't live without being in the program, etc.) They, ICECAP, breed the fear that you as a parent have when you see them making choices that YOU don't like. What is the true meaning of letting go? Or the true meaning of unconditional love? This is not to make any parent feel guilty for their time in an ICECAP program. I truly believe you thought you were doing the best thing. You were also a victim of the cult and it's way of thinking. That is the very reason I am posting this thread. To show the harm and hopefully save some pain for others. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Author: Bailey [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Date Posted: 13:27:44 12/22/04 Wed ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Getting kicked out of your house by your once all loving supporting do anything for you family As most of you know my family is ALL involved in Crossroads and sense ive left its been hell, Thursday night my dad and step mom freaked out on me and my dad started pushing me and threatening to "lay me the fuck out" My dad has never so much as spanked me before we used to get along great until x-roads we got high together went to concerts movies dinner and what not, But now its as tho i dont exist to them they call me ungrateful bitch and many other names after all that happened he told me to pack a bag and he didnt want to see me anymore, Luckily i see a therapist and he talked to my dad and calmed them down they still want me out of the house tho. I cant leave now because i belong to the state until me 18th birthday which thank god isnt far off but if they kick me out or i move out i have to spend the next month and half in juvenile again, this has happened to many of my friends who have left too they end up homeless because if there not in the group they cant be at there house, i was just wondering if anyone else's parents went crazy after they left and if it does get better? ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] [> Subject: It happened to me Part 1 Author: Hollywood [Edit] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Date Posted: 17:59:18 12/22/04 Wed ------------------------------------------------------------------------ I lived threw this every time I left the group, but especially the last time. The last time I left I bailed the group with a guy, I knew from prior experiences that my parents would not tolerate me living in their house and not be in Pathway. So I did what I knew how to do, and hopped on a bus to California. When we got there we had no money or anything. At that point and many points throughout my time in Pathway I was willing to be a street person rather than be involved in the group. To say it didn't last long was an understatement; he was scared and refused to talk to anyone. His parents agreed to fly us back to AZ. I almost did not go because I knew that upon arriving I would have no place to go. Mind you at this point I had over a year sober. I did not bail because I wanted to get high. When the plane touched down in PHX he had people from the group waiting to take him back. They shunned me. I had been in the group for about 5 years at that point and they could care less if I had a place to go. I now know it was because my parents would not shell out even more money for me to go into IOP (that would have been the third time). I truly did not know who to call; I had been in the group since I was 14 years old. Not many people I knew had left and were around or willing to talk to a program drop out. I finally gathered enough courage to call a friend of mine that had left the group, I knew she was getting high but at that point I didn't care. The streets of Phoenix were a lot more cruel than the streets of Hollywood. Her mother answered the phone, she did not sound very happy to hear my voice, on a previous runaway trip I bailed the group with her daughter and a few other people and we stole her credit cards and over $1000 dollars cash if my memory serves correctly. So this was a lady that I had fucked over to say the least. This kind woman opened her home to me. More than what my own family was capable of at that point. She allowed me to stay at their house and helped me try and find a job. At the same time unknown to me she was in contact with my parents trying to convince them to take me home, that I was actually doing fine and wasn't what the group was telling them about me. [ Post a Reply to This Message ] [> [> Subject: Re: It happened to me Part 2 Author: Hollywood [Edit] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Date Posted: 18:00:08 12/22/04 Wed ------------------------------------------------------------------------ For some reason on Christmas Eve my parents called and told me I could move back in, but I had to live in the garage. They would set up a cot in there. I would not be allowed to use anything in the house, except the bathroom but my parents had to escort me to and from it. I agreed I didn't care; I just wanted to see my father. When we were driving to my parents house the kind mom who allowed me to stay at her house explained to me that this was all my mothers doing, my father wanted nothing to do with my and had informed her that I was dead to him. It was because of him I would be sleeping in the garage until I could find my own home (mind you I was 18 and had never held down a job, paid bills, etc.) I lost it, this man, my father, my hero wanted nothing to do with me. This was a turning point for me. This is when I decided in my crazy still experiencing the effects of Kool-Aid that I needed to get high in order to get in the house. Because, try and follow this it is way crazy thinking looking back, if I just got high I would have something to cop to, the group would take me back, I could make amends and therefore my father would allow me in his life again. Crazy I know. Well living in the garage lasted about 2 hours before my parents (read mother) got sick of it. My father sulked in his room and wanted nothing to do with me. Christmas Eve with all the family and Christmas day were rather awkward, to say the least. My father still did not speak to me. I believe that year they even attended the round robin. I sat at home. I soon got a job and almost immediately began getting high, smoking speed, snorting coke, and shooting heroin. This went on for about 2 years. I worked therefore my parents didn't care. They had both left the program (details of that have never been disclosed to me, I do not know why or how). And my father and my relationship finally started to re solidify. [ Post a Reply to This Message ] [> [> [> Subject: Re: It happened to me Part 2 Author: Hollywood [Edit] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Date Posted: 18:01:09 12/22/04 Wed ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Except by this time I was strung out on heroin. Believe it or not I did go back to the group. After my parents discovered my horrible habit and asked me to check myself in to a detox center, I made an appointment with the then OG counselor. He told me to that I was going to die, that I needed to go into some Step something or other. I told him I had no money. He told me to sell my cars, I told him he was on crack my parents would never let me do that. At the same moment I was absolutely terrified they would. I told him to call them and if he could convince them I was willing. From what I understand that counselor did call my father and my father told him he was full of shit. That was the day my father became my hero again and not some brain washed ego maniac. I wound up getting off heroin a few months later. My father and my relationship has been wonderful ever since, for Christ sake we even work together. My mother is still struggling with the fact that I drink . But her and my relationship is better then it ever has been my entire life. Sorry this was so long and detailed I never knew I would share all of this. I hope this helps you to realize to hear that some else has been threw a similar nightmare. Good luck and if you ever need anything or need to talk about the ‘rents and the evil things they can do when they are still slugging down the Kool-Aid but you are not, email me. I am more then willing to listen. Also if a parent reads this who is considering throwing their child out on to the streets because they are no longer in the group, let me tell them from being that child: They have no place to go! The situation that they are in worsens, they feel abandoned, and the people that they turn to are usually using drugs much heavier than they are or ever have! PLEASE DO NOT BUY INTO ICECAPS TOUGH LOVE- this is what killed Bob’s son, this is what almost killed me, and what almost killed or even did kill many people I knew. Hollywood [ Post a Reply to This Message ] [> Subject: Re: Did this happen to anyone else Author: michele [Edit] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Date Posted: 22:27:49 12/22/04 Wed ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ok bailey, i know you've already heard this but there are some who haven't... the first time i left stl i was 16. i lived on the streets and 20 dollar hotels and at my old sponsee's house. it was bad but didn't compare to when i left atl. that time i was 18. my dad had driven a car down for me. i eventually got myself kicked out. i knew it was coming. i packed up my car with at much crap as i could and then i left. i went to stl then kc. stealing gas the entire way, oh yeah and wrote a bunch of bad checks. i had to go back down to atl to pick up more of my stuff. so i took a friend with me. i got there and packed up more crap. i made it all the way back up to nashville, then my car broke down. to anyone who lives in there car it's the most important thing to you. it's your bed, your transportation, your only way to and from work. it makes your whole life work. my friend's parents wired her money and left me 60 miles south of nashville, in manchester. i took what i could from my car and started walking. i hitch hiked from there to kc. it took me 3 days almost. i looked like complete shit when i got home. think the garage is bad? my mom made me sleep on the back deck for 3 weeks. like a dog. i woke up went to work (walked my happy ass) came home and then when my mom got home from work she would let me in to go to the bathroom and shower, then i got kicked back out. when i finally proved my self she let me in the house. well that's the most important parts i guess. there's more but i wanna go to sleep. point is that things did get better. i just had to fight so hard for it. i've never had to fight for anything harder then to survive. but i'm still here. and to everyone who will ask, i never touched a truck driver, and they never asked. actually the fed me and let me sleep. [> Subject: Re: Did this happen to anyone else Author: Jen from AZ [Edit] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Date Posted: 02:27:25 12/23/04 Thu ------------------------------------------------------------------------ It's stuff like this that really gets me riled! It bothers me that the "Family" (talk about dysfunctional families!) pushes parents to treat their own flesh and blood like animals! I'm sorry - but tough love is bullshit! As parents, we are to care for our kids - whether we love them or not - they are a gift from God and these parents ought to be damn grateful that they have children! Do these parents not realize that there are LAWS about this?! As long as their kid is under 18 they are required BY LAW to give their kids food, clothing and shelter. Parents, if you are kicking your kids out of your house - YOU DON'T DESERVE TO HAVE THEM! I will NEVER turn my back on my child! I don't understand how any parent can do that! How can a parent look Their child in the eye - no matter how old they are - and turn their back on them? How can they sleep at night not knowing if their child is dead or alive? How can Bob and "friends" push this kind of treatment?! This is just totally beyond my comprehension! My blood is boiling right now! I would give ANYTHING to have more kids at home! I cry almost every night because I want a houseful of children! Yes, I love my son with all my heart - but yes! I also want a houseful of laughing - hell, even screaming - children running around! And quite frankly it fucking pisses me off that parents treat their children like this! Sleeping in the fucking garage? On the damn patio!? Wake up you parents who are in ICECAP! I don't care if you believe the Bible or not - I do and I believe it with all my heart and it says in there that "whatever you do to the least of these, you have done to me". Guess what parents! When you treat your kids like this, you are treating God like that! I pity you! I pity the fact that one day you will have to answer for the way you have treated your kids! And I pray that you get the justice you deserve! Sorry webmasters for going off and for using the language I used. I haven't talked like this in years, but this is a hot button for me. I get into a lot of trouble when I'm out and about in stores and see a parent yelling and/or cursing at their child. One of these days I'm probably going to get punchedt - but I will not keep silent! The treatment that ICECrAP pushes parents to do to their kids is abuse - pure and simple! And I refuse to hold my tongue when I see it going on! To those of you who are experiencing this treatment or have in the past - please know that I am thinking of you and praying for things to change. Especially that your parents wake up and seek your forgiveness for the treatment they have given you! NOTHING a child does - NOTHING - warrants throwing your kids out on the streets! The atrocities that are out there... it just makes me shudder! And want to scream and rip out Bob's eyes with my bare hands. Not much gets me this worked up.

#bob meehan #the insight program #the cornerstone program #the pathway program #the crossroads program #troubled teen industry #breaking code silence

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