#What makes her lose it though? My masochist brain thought of her losing her family and friends to GB.

[orphanedwolfandfriends]

May or may not have been brain-waving on pupper having an awful future lmao

Watching the DBS Future Trunks/Goku Black saga was getting me thinking about it.

Ever being told that shit happens to her in that timeline would keep her awake for days. It’s heavy shit for a child to hear.

#outofpuppups #With this Heart I hold I was on my own {Cayla} #I keep putting her through Hell :'D #Also unrelated- GB/Zamasu/Goku/Vegeta banter are the reasons why that saga hasn't lost me tbh #But bby girl would be a fucking monster in that timeline. Not strong enough to wipe out the city I'd deduce #But there'd be some skeletons in her closet there. #What makes her lose it though? My masochist brain thought of her losing her family and friends to GB. #And she just wouldn't snap out of it even when it's clear GB has more of an advantage than her in regards to strength. #Which earns a lot of badly wounded people or dead ones if she's around them any longer. #She'd just be a wild animal while being...whatever age Future Trunks and Future Mai are. #I'm assuming adults. #But yeah shit's fucked. And I'm a horrible person to her. :) #I also need to write verses where she's all grown up too. I don't do that enough.

[twst-drabbles]

Riddle 12

Summary: Riddle is not above begging. His mother would call him a number of things for this, for daring to besmirch his family name and the pride she cultivated in him. But what else can he do?

(Hmm I wonder how many of you are hardcore masochists that project themselves onto my yanderes?)

For a goal to be reached, one cannot afford to slack off in any way. When making your wishes known, it sometimes becomes necessary to demand. Other times, you may have to resort to begging. To Riddle’s mother, this was of the highest insult. Indulging the notion of lowering yourself for anyone would have her brow crease and her back stiff.

And, before now, Riddle was of the same opinion. But desperation can break many, and it certainly broke him. This Unbirthday Party he’s arranged, he wants to dedicate it to you. It why he hounds you so, why he insists on following you all the way back to your dorm, regardless of where his shoes may trek.

What was he? A child? But this was the only way he can get your attention.

Riddle has reached the ends of your patience, he can see that as you force your weight onto your chair.

“If you’re going to beg,” you let your chin rest on your hands. Your anger was not on your face, but it simmered in your words. It burned, but it was aimed at him. Riddle is receiving these embers you’re languidly dropping on him, “You’re going to do it properly.”

Riddle swallowed the lump in his throat. Humiliation was a pill he has already learned to swallow. He wouldn’t be here, following you around like some mutt otherwise.

Riddle bowed. “Please, can you attend—”

“Wrong.” You cut him off with no mercy, no patience. You leaned further into your chair, as though he was losing your interest. You lazily gestured to his legs. “You’re still standing.”

“I’m sorry,” The words were a familiar, almost comforting thing. He knelt, feeling his own clothes lightly pinch and pull, as though rejecting the position. If they tore, well, that won’t matter. You’re worth more than them. “Please, can—”

“Wrong.” A string tied and pinched a nerve in his spine, making all his movements its scared-stiff victims. What did he do? “You’re hands aren’t on the floor.”

You tapped the wooden floor.

“S-sorry.” He strangled out, as though a claw was piercing his throat. He wanted to take off his gloves, but the time it would take, Riddle was sure you wouldn’t simply leave without a second thought. He placed both hands on the ground, making sure they’re level with each other.

On hands and knees, head bowed with his entire body shivering as though he was a feverish boy stuck in the frigid winter. All he can hope for was the mercy of the sun to keep him warm. It didn’t matter if it damaged his skin, he wants it all the same.

“There we go,” You sighed out, anger leaving you like the gentle steam of tea, “that’s a good boy. Barking at me like that, wanting my attention. Really, you’re too much like a puppy. Now, what do you want from me again?”

With the tip of your shoe, Riddle’s chin was forced up. If your smile was a knife, Riddle would let his eyes be cut with them. In the back of his head, he can hear the low tones of his mother, demanding he stand, to be an upstanding young man. But when around you, it’s so easy to drown it out.

Blood had long rushed to his face, making his vision swim with the heat pumped into his brain. Riddle felt, almost drunk as he asked. “The Unbirthday Party…can you please attend it?”

#twst #twst-drabbles #twisted wonderland #ask #drabble #heartslabyul #riddle #riddle rosehearts #yandere #reader insert

[sleepdeprivedheretic]

Restrained

  Notes: I have no excuse, I just want a crack fic with smut treated seriously with Tai-chan to step on me the reader while looking down cockily. Humor, angst, fluff, splashed with pining dust :’) Also, I love Linkin Park.  

Setting: Reader-chan is a villain and is terrible at being one, cue ongoing physical and snark battles with Tai-chan.  

Warnings: Kinky Smut (So here’s what my unacknowledged, vanilla self, has tried to write and nobody has to read it but it’s here in the story: Dirty talk, safe words, possessiveness, edging, talk about inexperience, handcuffs, breeding kink, unsafe sex, Tai’s mean and leaves the reader unattended, but he feels bad afterwards, lube, somehow there’s vanilla, and fluff) and my weak emotions for Good Boys.  

……….

       You didn’t exactly chose the Villain life, it basically chose you. Cue your dad’s maniacal laughter, your mother’s evil smirks and her ways of teaching you how to go for the jugular since you were five...wasn’t the most heroic childhood.  You grew up distant away from others, living life learning how to avoid the law and training heavily to avoid losing a fight, your parents seemed to take that as a green-light and pushed you into the family business. Not like you could fight it, anyway. You were an outcast from day one, and had no close friends.  

That being said, you didn’t really like hurting other people or doing typical villainy stuff, but you liked fighting. It gave you a feeling of pushing all of your aggression and bottled up anger onto somebody without killing them, whether it be heroes, vigilantes, or hell, other villains. It wasn’t healthy, but you had nothing else, really.  

 Cue in the physical form of your recent excitement, the BMI hero who resembled a matryoshka doll and was kinda cute in his big form, no lie. The two of you had met near his agency with Sakura petals floating along with the breeze, and honestly it reminded you of a shojo manga. Well, him minding his own business until he’d seen your pathetic attempts at shoplifting.

He was there for a fight, and at first you overestimated him, thinking that he would go down quickly, but you were wrong. So wrong. You weren’t the best of the villains, but you held your ground, the both of you panting and sweaty and for the first time, you liked fighting against a hero.

Of course being a self-called villain full of dirty tricks up your sleeve, you were good at vanishing, leaving him to shout curses at you, but you didn’t care. From then on out, the two of you would continue ironically meeting in places. It was either you stumbling into him walking around town, eating Takoyaki, or him catching you...not doing anything villainous because you sucked at it, but you know, it’s the thought that counts.  

Then the snark happened.

“Where did you get your hero outfit? From the thrift store?” You quipped.

“As in a matter of fact, I did. Saw yer mom there buyin’ old man’s underwear, Sweetheart.”

Kami help you.

“You don’t even know my mom! But yeah, she’d probably do that.” You answered.

“Wait, really?”

“Yeah, she’s kind of weird.”    

      You weren’t on the top of the villain lists (or if you were on the list), but you were good at holding your ground, and he seemed to know of you, and thus seemed as if he was always making plans to run into you. You were no better. You had gotten into the habit of causing small trouble around his agency, and your battles were always lengthy, full of snark, and you admit you kind of liked to feel him push you against a brick building, leering down at you before the whole thing started.

Anyway, you’ve always managed to either escape or he’d just throw up his hands and turn and walk away in a frustrated huff, like that one time you fell flat on your face, accidentally dodging his spear-formed punch. It was one time, but he didn’t let you live it down, asking about your nose.

 Oddly enough, the other pro-heroes, Miruko and Hawks, would just glance at you, sigh and then leave, muttering something about idiots, Eraserhead would just guide the children away from the two of you with a blank look, and Endeavor would just avoid the two of your messy fights altogether, opting that he ironically wasn’t going to deal with “an old married couple”. Whatever that meant.

It didn’t stop smaller, weaker heroes from trying, though. Trying to be hotshots and bring you in. Of course, they failed. You didn’t listen to Linkin Park while training your ass out in the cold rain just to be brought down by some punks.    

Tai-chan, or what you’ve become calling him (thanks for Hawks just silently handing you a paper with his name on it, the absolute Wing-man), noticed. Although he was a hero and didn’t dissuade the young ones from chasing after villains, he did basically say that anybody around his area was his to battle. It melted your heart, a little.

It didn’t stop the two of your bantering and bickering, or sometimes he’d say something, trying to be serious but it comes out as silly, that you couldn’t help but burst into a fit of giggles and he’d get flustered, having a cute blush that you couldn’t help but just eat up.

It was like an odd addiction, you wanted to see more of him, even though it was through unhealthy things such as your fights, you wanted to hear more corny catchphrases, see his eye twitch of annoyance (you were a little shit), and finally, the both of you panting in defeat as he angrily munched on Takoyaki, snarling as you stole one, but let you have it, and so on.

You weren’t sure if you were becoming an unhealthy masochist, or you just really liked him. Perhaps both, because your heart would flutter every time you see him smile around his sidekicks from afar, and then clench because you were so far gone into the life of a villain, you knew that you could never have that life. Be a hero, or have him at least as a friend.

Such sad thoughts did plague you, and it must have shown through, because you would halfheartedly remark to his commentary or sometimes, you just wouldn’t show up for a day. He noticed. He was keen like that, and so to your surprise, he would take your fights more seriously, as if trying to keep you there, not letting you keep running away.

Honestly, it was a little sweet, but your poor heart was getting confused at your little game, and didn’t know how to honestly feel for him.      

Of course, everything must come to an end, doesn’t it?

 He was leering down at you with a cocky smirk, clothes ruined, showing off whatever he had, a boot stepping onto your chest, rain soaking through his soft hair and splattering your cheeks. An odd feeling came over you. Something you weren’t familiar with, but through your mask, you felt that it was safe to just take a mental picture and burn it forever within your brain.

 The fight was different. You were sick all week with the common cold, and when you returned from your little hibernation, weird gossip and rumors were littering about near the FatGum Agency. It was either you left him because you were getting bored, or you had found another hero to play with, or you were finally caught. Whatever it was, he seemed to be excited, relieved(?), and at the same time furious to see you. He demanded where have you been, and feeling increasingly snarky and not sure what to feel with your pining dumbass heart, you retaliated that you were on a vacation from his stupidity.

 Yeah, you lost.  

“Finally caught ya.” His voice rasped out and hot damn did that not help with the odd searing warmth churning within your guts. The feeling of losing always frightened you, for you weren’t sure whether or not your family would actually give a damn. Yet, you felt elated and calm. It was over, he could finally call the shots, and you could just sit in a jail cell and atone for whatever petty crimes you committed.

“So you have. How’s the weather up there, you giraffe?” You couldn’t help but ask, and the boot on your chest pressed a tiny bit down in annoyance, but he made sure that you weren’t hurting.

“Just fine. I think I stepped in shit, though.”  

You couldn’t help it. You began laughing, and to your astonishment, he did, too.

“I missed ya.” He admitted as the both of you calmed down. That surprised you.

“I thought you hated me?”

He gave you a look.

“You’re annoying, and persistent, but not evil. Like a flea, you keep on bouncin’ back up, and I can’t help but not dislike ya.” The words sent a warm tingling up your spine, and you found yourself smiling softly.

“I couldn’t hate you either, you know. You’re the only one,” You swallowed, and the continued as his eyes now focused onto yours. “who I can freely just be myself around with.”

“Whaddya mean?” The tone was softer, now, but ever so curious. Well, it’s a good time as any to release your tragic backstory while in the drizzling rain.

“My parents are both villains, and so I was raised as one. I could never be friends with heroes, or really anybody. I could never dream to be a hero, because of my background. It’s shady from the start, who in their right mind would pick a hero who could just end up being like their parents?”

 The words tumbled out of you, feeling the metaphorical weight be lifted off from your chest, as the rain quickened it’s pace. An uncomfortable silence washed over the two of you, and already you were regretting the word vomit that had just spilled out of your mouth. You said too much, you cringed inwardly. You should have just kept your mouth shut, now he’s going to pity you-

“You know what? Fuck it.” Your eyes widened with shock and confusion as the so-called “DadGum”  had just said one of the worst bad words.  

“Did you just-”

“Your parents can jump into the nearest jail-cell. You,” His eyes glinted with an unknown darkness that set your insides ablaze. “have two options. Either you can platonically become a hero-in-training  and live with me, or you can be mine. My hero-in-training, my roommate, my lover, just, mine.” He put an emphasize on the word, and your face flushed despite the chilly autumn rain.  

You would be surprised, but you oddly weren’t. Endeavor was right, the two of you were basically an old married couple, bickering and bantering, always staring at each other when one was sure the other wasn’t looking.

“Alright. I’d like us to try...um...being more than...rivals?” You stammered. He cocked an eyebrow.

“I didn’ just pour my heart out for ya so ya can deliver that. Try a lil’ harder.” He scoffed.  

“Fine, fine! I..I like you too-”

“Love.”

“Love, you too! I just...I dunno, always wanted to find an excuse to just be around you.”

“That’s sweet, an’ I love ya too, Sugarplum, but ya weren’t here for a whole week-

“I was sick with the common cold!”

“N’ then these shitty rumors started-

“Don’t act as if that’s my fault!”

“So I’m feelin’ a lil’ snappy an’ hungry today, but not for food.” He humored you.

“What does that mean?” You tested the waters, knowing the truth, already. He took his boot off of you, crouching down to give you a predatory smile.

“I won’ touch ya unless ya beg me, but our lil’ cat’n’mouse games have had me riled up, for a very, very long time.” He leaned in and whispered in your ear, and you couldn’t help but swallow thickly with want as he continued.

“N’ now we’ve discussed our feelin’s, I’m all just wantin’ to tie you to my bed.” He finished as he continued leering at you as if you were the sheep, and him the wolf. You didn’t blame him, you’ve been wanting this, too. It was a little fast paced, but several months of mutual pining would probably do that to you.

 “I mean, at least take me out to dinner, first.” You tried to joke. He just shrugged.

“Done.”

“What? I’m a villain! My family are villains!” You tried to argue. He gave a smile mixed in with a humorous look.  

“Villain? Last time I checked, starin’ at candy from the hand of a baby, isn’t puttin’ ya on any wanted list. You’re mine, now. Doesn’t matter what yer shitty family thinks. I’ll fight’em, too.” The sentence made your heart swell, feelings of joy and acceptance fluttered within your for the first time in a long time, and you let yourself give a warm smile. His eyes softened, as he helped pull you up to your feet, letting you lean against him as you maintained your balance.

    “Alright. We...we can just be a normal couple? How does this even work?” You tried out. He glanced at you.

“Yeah, we’re goin’ to jus’ be a normal couple. Well, you’re gonna train with me, so that we can eventually get ya a license. N’ you’re gonna kick your parent’s asses, not as a villain or a civilian, but as a hero.” He started off softly, but then a more rambunctious grin took over his face at the prospect, and to be honest, you felt like that was a good idea, spitting everything that they’ve taught you, back in their faces as you live life the way you want it, with your partner, of course.

Speaking of which.

“So...we’re just going to continue getting soaked?” You asked, trying to keep yourself from shuddering.

“Yeah, but not in the rain. C’mon, my place.” He gruffed, and you found yourself eagerly nodding.

You weren’t sure how this happened so fast. First you entered his apartment, shivering, then he said that your clothes needed to be washed, aaaaand you were here, on his bed, naked, chilled, and your hands completely cuffed to the post as he was staring at you with such a dirty, hungry look, you felt thrilled by it.

“You want this? Say no an’ we’ll stop.” He offered one last time.

“I want this.” You admitted, and he gave off an almost predatory grin as you watched in amazement of him shucking off his clothes at the pace of the speed of light. Hot damn, he was huge, and beautiful. He grinned at your unabashed stare, crawling towards you on the king-sized bed, opening your legs as he slotted himself between them.

“So pretty, and wet.” He chuckled, giving you little time to think as his thumb swiped at your leaking opening, causing you to gasp.

“I think that I’m gonna eat you out.” Was the only warning you were given as your legs were pulled further apart, and the next thing you knew, he was on you. Your hands jerked against the fuzzy handcuffs as you felt him licking long, hot, and wet stripes from your opening, to your clit. You couldn’t help but mewl as you subconsciously fought against your restraints, thighs trying to clench around him as he gripped them, keeping them apart as he suckled at your clit.

You felt helpless as he was giving you such an intense and dark stare while he was driving you to the edge, gauging your teary-eyed reaction while you bit your lips, hands squeezing onto thin air as you felt yourself getting closer and closer, hips bucking wildly.

Then, he stopped, and you growled into a pitiful whine, causing him to laugh.

“How does it feel, causin’ others to wait?”

You huffed. He seriously couldn’t be that petty!  

“Common. Cold.” You let out a hiss, and he gave you an unimpressed stare.

“Are ya givin’ me an attitude?” Was a warning.  

“Yeah, I am!” Like a bull, you ran right into that red flag. He grinned, a little darkly. It honestly would’ve scared you a little, if you weren’t so turned on.

“Yer still a lil’ too feisty. As much as I love it, I ‘ave other plans in mind.” He gave a false pout, and your stomach churned with awaited excitement in what he was going to do, next.

“I’ll be back. I’m going to the store. Be good, okay?” He gave your surprised look a dark smirk, and you couldn’t help but growl. The audacity! You loved him, but the audacity! You couldn’t help but look on with bewilderment as he gotten dressed, opening and closing the bedroom door shut as he left you all alone and tied up.

 You waited for what seemed forever, pissed off and bored out of your mind as you felt increasingly cold and still wet. You refused to cry. He said he’d be back, didn’t he? Then why do you feel so helpless and lonesome. You felt tears shed with relief and frustration as he finally opened the door to the bedroom, black bag in hand.

“Bastard!” You hissed, and he eyed you with a sympathetic expression mixed in with a little guilt. He got undressed and set the bag next to the two of you, crawling towards you and wiped away the wetness on your cheeks, kissing them and your mouth as he held a gentler expression. He held your chilled frame against his too warm one, nuzzling you as he soothed your ruffled feathers.    

“I know, Darlin’. I’ll make it all better for you, I promise.”  He kissed your nose as he gathered the blankets to surround your skin, still letting you be exposed, but at least you’ll be a little warmer.

“Do you wanna continue?”

“Yes.” You said without hesitation, feeling relieved after seeing his softer side, and still wanting release, and received a wet, dirty kiss. You moaned into it, feeling his hands rub your breasts, squeezing them rather roughly as he toyed with the nubs with his roughed up hands. He broke away too soon, leaving the two of you panting as his dark, feral look returned as he eyed you.

“Bought you a lil’ somethin’.” He turned away, rummaging through the bag. You eyed it wearily, hoping that he didn’t go too crazy. He pulled out a bottle of strawberry lube, that was good, and...your face flushed.

“Ever used these, before?” He held out the little vibrating bullets for you to see. You shook your head, and he chuckled.  

“You’re very vanilla, ain’t you?”  

“I-I…” You stuttered, but he kissed your forehead.

“What’s yer safe word?” He asked. Safe word? Why couldn’t the two of you have a normal first time, together? You thought about it.

“Grapes.”

“Why that word?”

“I hate them.” You shrugged.

“Fair enough. Alright, let’s get started.” He said lowly, opening the lube and bullets. He added some of the lube onto the bullets, attaching one bullet to your clit, and the other to your nipple with little pieces of tape. Yeah, you were confused, too, but he didn’t pay you any mind as he set the controller to both bullets to the side, flipping the switch to a low setting.

You let out a choked whimper as your clit was being stimulated, him leaning forward and enjoying the view of your wetness drenching the sheets.

“Such an eager slut.” He bit out almost darkly as his fingers spread open your labia.

“’M notta slut!” You protested, but it was on deaf ears as he had something else in mind. He generously poured a dime amount of lube onto his fingers, grinning down at you as the strawberry scent floated nicely in the room, mixing in with your own scent of arousal. You almost jolted as his lubed up fingers prodded the tight muscle to your vaginal entrance.  

“Damn, relax, you’re so fuckin’ tight.” He murmured, and through your lust-fogged brain, you wondered if anybody else knew about this side of “Dad-gum”. Although having a rough demeanor, he was gently opening you up, and you felt warmth blossom in your chest at the extra attention that he was giving you, glancing at you from time to time to see if you were alright.

You were more than fine. Five fingers deep, and a higher setting to the mini bullets, you were very close to coming. You rocked your hips in a desperate fashion, hands clenched tightly as the fuzz to the handcuffs prevented you from hurting yourself.

“You gonna cum?” He leered.

“Yes!” You bit out, and your stomach fluttered with excitement mixed with dread at that dark chuckle.  

   “Not yet.” He switched the vibrator off, and you swore you could hear yourself huff into an annoyed growl.  Tears of frustration threatened to spill, and he gave another sympathetic look. You swore that he was mocking you.

“It’s okay, alright? I’ll give you what ya want.” He kissed your eyes, holding your frame close to him as he then rubbed his cheek against yours.

“Patience, Baby. I’m hurtin’ too. Right now, let’s let ya cool down while I mark up this pretty skin of yours, alright?” He kissed you gently, and you were now aware of his own need. It was swollen and looked angry as precum was headily dripping onto the sheets. It twitched as you realized that he knew that you were staring. You licked your lips and he groaned with want.

“See? Hurtin.”. He then continued to do as he promised, kissing you slowly as his hands rubbed against your skin, squeezing here and there as your hands itched to touch him. He paid your whining no heed as he licked at the juncture at your neck, biting it harshly, suckling at the blossoming bruise as his dick twitched at your wanton whine and buck of hips. He kissed the spot gingerly, eyeing your debauched frame with greed as he lowered his mouth to another spot.

“Damned young punks, trying to bring you in. They should know better. You’re in my territory.” Bite. You winced, but keened with need as he lathered the blossoming bruises with gentle kisses.  

“Every inch of you is mine.” His eyes glittered almost darkly as he tore away from his work. Oh yes, you were looking nice. He didn’t do too much, but the love bites he imprinted onto your neck and clavicle helped soothe the possessive ache that he had. He knew that you wanted to touch him, too, and was thrilled at the aspect.

“You wanna touch?” He prodded. You keened into a hurried nod, not caring about your pride.

“Please.” What a cute sound, how could he refuse? He relented, and you were on him. It felt as if he was guiding you, letting your hands roam, doing your own squeezing at his stomach, biceps, and pecs while you kissed him feverishly. He basked in your attention, letting you claim your prize for being such a wonderful and patient Sweetheart. Of course he kept you from touching his dick, promising that another time, definitely, so you relented in favoring of returning his little marking game.

He swore he could come untouched by your less rough touch, eyeing him to see if he acknowledged that you were doing a good job, to which he couldn’t help but find that adorable, as well.

“You’re so good for me. So patient and sweet. I’m going to breed you, now. Would you like that?” He hummed, and you swore that your brain stopped and your core clenched with need. One sentence should not sound that hot, but it did.

“Yes. I would like that.” You answered a little too gently, and he hummed with approval, kissing you.

“If you don’t, remember that we don’t hafta do anything that you don’t wanna do. Remember your safe word?” He inquired, you nodded and told him.

“Good. You wanna be bred n’ dirty-talked? I gotcha some Plan B at the store, didn’t really think about condoms. Is that fine?”

You nodded, telling him that you liked both ideas. To be honest, you didn’t mind being marked up in such a way. Not with your pent up lust and feelings of love towards this sadistic Himbo of a man.    

“Lie on yer back. I wanna see ya.” He growled out, and you hastily complied.

“Now, tell me, how experienced are ya, really? Not hard to notice that you seem to be learnin’ a few things.” He gave you look in which you couldn’t decipher.

“It’s dumb.”

“No it ain’t. Doesn’t matter to me if ya have history.” He kissed your knee softly as his expression gentled, and you felt yourself relax.

“Your possessiveness says otherwise.” You tried.

“’Cause they’ve been houndin’ around what’s been mine in my territory. Your earlier experiences don’t count. You’re mine, now, and I’m planning on keepin’ it that way.” He smoothed your leg gently despite the dark edge in his tone of words. Really, you feel elated.

“So no judgment?” You inquired.

“None.” He promised.  You believed him. Feeling a bit more braver and relaxed, you could trust him with your secrets. You didn’t know a way how to make it less cringe-worthy to admit, but you wanted to tell him, anyway.

“I never really had to time or opportunity.” You found yourself saying, and that’s all he needed to hear.  

 His eyes flashed into something that you couldn’t decipher, but it didn’t matter. He wan onto you, kissing you slowly yet frequently, retouching every place where he could reach with a more gentle approach.

“Don’t make a kink out of it.” You groaned. He chuckled lowly.

“Why not? Ya get to do this, once.”

“It’s a social construct, and dumb. It’s not like my personality is magically going to change after having something within me.”

“I agree completely, Dearest, but I find it endearin’ and sweet that you’re willing to share this with me.”  

“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.” You huffed out softly.

“Might be, but my dick’s trying to convince itself to do the thinkin’.”

“Maybe you should let it, then.” You prodded, and he then gave you a dark grin.

“As ya wish. Don’t forget yer safe word.” Was the only warning you had.

 You were already loosened and wet, and although his actions resembled of that like an animal as he kissed you with fervor and biting some new areas, he was gentle when he decided that it was time for the main course. Coating himself with a generous amount of cold lube, he hissed as he turned on the bullet vibrators, letting you get stimulated as he breached your vaginal opening, teasing and prodding the muscle as it opened up for him.

You felt the hot, thick head of his dick slip inside with little to no restraint, surprising you as your legs widened further, allowing him to sink in further. He was big, and your walls had to stretch to accommodate him, but you wanted it so damned badly. It hurt so good, you thought. There was a little pain, but the delicious stretch heavily outweighed it, and it reached places that you didn’t know that just needed to be itched.  

Hot damn, did you feel stuffed.

“How are ya?” He then asked, and then you realized that he was fully seated inside, and you could tell that he was desperate and hot as you were.

“If you stop this time, I might actually kill you.” Your threat was light, but he swallowed thickly at the intensity of your stare and heated gaze of want.

“Good?”

“Wonderful. Move.” You all but demanded, but he eagerly complied, letting your too-tight walls massage him.

“Fuck! So tight. Might keep ya like this, re-tie ya to my bed. Fuck ya full n’ heavy.” He couldn’t help but growl out the words, being rewarded with the tightened clench of your walls.

“Ya like that? Bein’ my personal cocksleeve? Belly round n’ breasts heavy with milk?” His movements jerked faster as he squeezed your breast that didn’t have the bullet pleasantly buzzing against it. You couldn’t help but nod, arousal dripping onto the sheets as the bullet roughly buzzed against your clit, the both of you feeling the painful aching need for release. His hips were all but snapping to meet your thrusts, balls slapping against your ass, as he engaged you into a filthy kiss as the lewd sounds and scents echoed and filtered within the walls.

Your head felt light and the both of you were covered in a sheen of sweat, he opted to weave his hand into yours, holding it rather almost gently as he moved as if a man possessed. Yours hit first, gripping you and clenching you out of nowhere as you let out his name in a frantic shout, clutching onto him ever so tightly as your head fogged into a sharp relief that left you into tears from finally able to cum. He was no better, hips faltering as he felt you embrace your own orgasm, causing his mind to almost go blank as the movement of his hips bucked into a frantic state. He huffed out, calling out to you as he held onto you tightly, anchoring the both of you into a freight train of orgasmic bliss.

You whimpered out your oversensitive clit and breast, hitting the damned power button to those little bullets as you came down from your high. Taishiro collapsed next to you as the both of you were panting, trying to catch your breaths. You were so drowsy, but you really didn’t want to sleep in your own spunk and messes.

“Dirty.” You whined, and he laughed, kissing you.

“Let’s get cleaned up, then. Know ya don’t wanna, but you could seriously get an UTI if ya don’t use the bathroom.” You agreed, tearing off the bullets, and pulling your weakened state up to use the bathroom as he decided to lazily change the sheets, throwing the used sheets, toys, and the black bag in the corner, somewhere. He would deal with that, later.

He caught you as you stumbled into him from coming out of the bathroom. Gently, he maneuvered you to where you were snuggled up against him, a heavy blanket re-warming up your cooling skin as he hummed, gently playing with your hair as he kissed you softly.

“Ya good?”

“Tired n’ fine.” You mumbled, peeking up to look at him. He smiled gently.

“I looooove you.” He singsonged, earning him your own gentle smile and a soft kiss.

“I love you, too. Go to sleep.” You playfully griped at the last part, and he chuckled in compliance.

…………..

Bonus:  Yeah your parents were pissed, but you were a hero, and their opinions didn’t really count, anymore. They knew your potential, so they cleared away from you as you and your fiance moved into a safer city. End.

……….

 Here’s my poor attempt at being more versatile in writing kinky smut. Hope it’s not too much cringe, I’m usually too vanilla :’)  

#Taishiro Toyomitsu x reader #Taishiro Toyomitsu #Fatgum #Fatgum x reader #I mean #I tried #It's fun kinky adult times at the end #Don't @ me #Heed the warning sigils that I've placed #trash but my trash that you're welcomed to #Welcome to my hut

[kessielrg]

[Kingdom Hearts] The Heart of a Dandelion

Summary: By far, Ven’s got the most boring job at the flower shop; the cashier. Sitting day in and day out for someone to browse along the rows of flowers and gardening tools, then probably walk right out again. Sometimes an interesting thing would happen- but they were few and far between. [flower shop AU focused on UX kids][Part 5 in a series of oneshots][VenxOC][EphemerxOC/F!Player]

Rating: K

Word Count: 1,725 words

If you liked this story, please reblog!

---

“Strelitzia needs a different job.”

Ventus gave a rather annoyed eye up at Elrena. Finals were coming up soon, and he was using this time to study. Of course, Elrena wasn't talking to him, she was talking to Lauriam. The older man was gently spritzing some flowers with a glycerin mixture. Elrena felt the need to lean against the front counter and shout at him from across the store. It was really starting to get on Ven's nerves.

“Why are you telling me this?” Lauriam gently asked as he looked over one flower, gave it a small tilt of his head, before giving its petals two sprays of glycerin. “Strelitzia's shift ended ten minutes ago. If you wanted to tell her this, you could have done it before she left.”

“She wouldn't, and didn't.” Ven retorted as he wrote down a math formula to memorize later. “Strelitzia makes her feel emotions. It scares her.”

“Shut up Roxas.” Elrena demanded as she reached over to slam his book closed. Ven blinked for a moment before looking at Elrena with a rather dark glare.

“You know my name is Ven.” he informed her, opening his book back up.

“See if I care.” came the nasty retort.

“Elrena, don't be rude to Ven just because you're worried.” Lauriam idly noted as he inspected another flower. He frowned in finding that it was wilting a bit.

“I'm not worried!” she immediately spat back. “I just… I just hate when she gets hurt.”

“No wonder you're always in a bad mood.” Ven remarked without thinking about it. Elrena flashed him a glare so dark, Ven physically recoiled from it.

“It is nice to know she's cares, isn't it?” Lauriam just as easily laughed. Elrena gave him a dark glare as well, but he simply shrugged it off. Instead, he picked up the wilting flower and brought it up to the front counter.

“In any event,” he said, taking the flower out of the ceramic vase. “You and I both know that Strelitzia's not going to change jobs anytime soon. She loves it here.”

“Must be a stupid masochist then.” Elrena huffed, even folding her arms in defiance. “Not a day goes by that she comes home with some new cut, or bruise, or headache from all these stupid plants...”

“Pretty sure everyone in our family has a high tolerance for pollen.” Lauriam laughed. “I think it just depends on your perspective.”

That earned him a peeved eye roll, along with another huff. Lauriam was definitely not paying her any mind while he laid the flowers in a single row. He placed the vase close to Ven- a hint that the younger needed to dump out the water. Ven made a mental note of it; he was still studying, after all. He did hand Lauriam some loose newspaper when he asked for it, though. Apparently Lauriam was going to dry the flowers out later.

“Our parents started Dandelion's you know.” he then thoughtfully said. “It was right after they got married.”

“I know that.” Elrena grumbled.

“You do, but Ven doesn't.”

Elrena let out an undignified huff. Lauriam offered a small chuckle in response before properly turning his attention to Ventus.

“They used flowers from their own garden. Mother handled the arrangements, and Father actually went to do minor landscaping work around town. Hence the dual 'Floristry and Gardening' bit on the full business name. It's not just because we sell gardening supplies year round.”

Ven gave a small, rather uninterested nod. By now he'd gathered that Lauriam wasn't really related this story to him, he was reminding Elrena. There was a reason why Strelitzia loved working here.

“Strelitzia was the one who brought up the idea of placing the shop here in the outlets. She was about 16 then, and the four of us decided to go out shopping for Mother's birthday. The moment she saw the store front, she knew the store had to be here.” Lauriam let out a soft snort before going on to say, “She had pretty good tastes, honestly, with it being a corner lot and all. Makes it easier to get big deliveries in and out.”

“Hmmph.” Elrena grumbled. “She only wanted it here because Ephemer's sylph worked at the antique store three shops down.”

“I thought she met Strelitzia when Ephemer started working here.” Ven cut in, now a bit confused.

“Anora and Strelitzia dated for a year and a half.” Lauriam gently agreed. “But Anora started working at the antique store when she was 17. Strelitzia was 18 then.” Lauriam offered Ven a kind smile. “You might be thinking of Anora and Brain. They met when Ephemer started working here, and hit it off pretty well from what I understand.”

At this, Elrena laughed in a rather obnoxious pitch. “More like hit on each other!” she cackled. “Those three were threewaying so often, that brat of theirs would have needed a paternity test if he didn't end up with Ephemer's hair!”

Lauriam frowned. “Elrena, you don't know that.”

“I bet they still go at it every now and again.” she went on, absolutely reveling at the thought. “Betcha in the next five years (maybe even sooner if you catch my drift), she's gonna pop another and it'll have hair as black as sin!”

“Elrena!” Lauriam finally demanded. “That's enough!”

Elrena immediately reined herself back in. Even Ven shrunk a bit at Lauriam's tone. Seeing Lauriam angry was possibly one of the most scariest things about him. Assuming he even let that anger show, of course.

“Back to the original topic at hand,” the oldest between the three of them said before slowly returning to a more relaxed demeanor. “It's because of Strelitzia that we were able to understand what Dandelion's meant to the community. Our parents had to raise the money to rent out this property at first. Once the whole town caught wind of it, we were able to meet the goal in a month.”

“That's pretty impressive.” Ven noted. His voice didn't sound as enthused though. Lauriam smiled at the acknowledgment, regardless.

“It was quite the shock.” he agreed. “Our parents were old souls- gentle, and fair too humble for their own good. Moving Dandelion's to the outdoor mall became a rather big affair. At the head of it was Strelitzia. Before Skuld was brought on to be our bona fide manager, it was Strelitzia.”

“Strelitzia's the one in charge of hiring new people too, right?” Ven asked. The thought had came to him suddenly. He could faintly remember his initial interview two or so years ago. Tired of being cooped up at home while Terra and Aqua worked at their respective jobs, Ven had been wandering around the outdoor mall for something to do. He walked by Dandelion's Floristry and Gardening, noticed the 'Now Hiring!' sign taped to the window, and immediately made a choice. Ephemer was the first person he got to know that worked here. Strelitzia became the second.

“She is.” Lauriam agreed with a smile and happy nod. “She has a natural intuition toward other people. We don't hire anyone without her say so.”

Elrena grunted. For a moment, Ven had to wonder why. Had Elrena tried to work here before?

“Point is,” Lauriam went on, “You can't separate this store from Strelitzia, or vice versa. Our parents might have started it, but she is Dandelion's Floristry and Gardening.”

Elrena was silent. The words settled around them as she thought long and hard over the idea. She knew he had a point, and she hated it.

“She's going to kill herself here.” she finally decided, looking up at Lauriam with a steely gaze. “How can she be happy when all she does is hurt herself?”

“Maybe you could ask her yourself.” Lauriam suggested with a sly grin. He then gave a rather bemused chuckle before taking the flowers to the backroom.

Elrena waited for when he was out of earshot just to mimic in a whining voice, “Maybe you could ask her yourself.” She huffed, folding her arms once again, then proceeded to act rather indignant. Ven didn't know why she was still in the store at this point.

He raised an eyebrow at her before questioning, “If you like Strelitzia so much, why don't you just tell her?”

“If you like that tramp Brain calls a sister so much, why don't you just tell her?” Elrena shot back, her voice still obnoxiously high. She let out a frustrated sigh before snapping at him, “It's not that simple, Roxas.”

Ven looked at her. Any thoughts about studying now were thrown out the window. If she wanted to go for the throat, then he was more than willing to fight back too.

“First of all,” he said, “My name is Ventus; Ven if you bothered to be nice for all of five seconds. Second, Strelitzia actually listens if you asked her to. And third, at least I'm trying.”

Elrena stood up a bit straighter at his assertion. A look of bewilderment crossed her face before being replaced with a snide smirk.

“Look at you, growing a spine.” Elrena marveled. Her voice was still chilly, though. “Keep that attitude up and you might just lose your virginity before graduation.”

It took Ven a solid three seconds for what she said to click. His face then started to flush a rather deep shade of red as he tried to return to his schoolwork. Elrena just snorted at him.

“Pathetic.” she mumbled under her breath. Then, without any warning, she shouted at the top of her lungs, “Well, if you're done talking to me, Lauriam, then I guess I'm out of here.”

Lauriam came out of the backroom just to wave her out.

“Have a safe trip home.” he told her. Elrena gave him a half hearted wave as she went on out. Ven, for one, was glad she was gone now. His joy at her departure did not go unnoticed. Lauriam looked over at him in thought for a moment.

“You're a lot braver than her, Ven.” Lauriam noted. “Just… next time? Be easier on her. She's not out of the closet yet.”

Admittedly, it took Ven a moment to realize what Lauriam said. When he turned around to give his coworker a funny glance, he was already gone.

#kingdom hearts #kingdom hearts fanfiction #ventus #lauriam #elrena #flowershop au #flower shop au #kh ventus #kh ven #kh lauriam #kh elrena #kh fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfic #kh fan fic #fan fiction #fan fic #writers on tumblr #implied elrenaxstrelitzia #slice of life

[rue-king]

Family Found, Family Taken

(AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32892439)

Masterlist, Next Part

Summary: Gavin is tired, so tired. He is tired of being the bad guy, but thats just who he is he's mean and unapproachable. He can't be replaced, he just can't, work is all he has left to tie him to this world. It is the only thing that proves he's not as terrible as he feels.

But when the fancy RK900 unit walks in, along with a terrible string of murders, Gavin is pushed backwards. He can't on this way anymore, but he doesn't think he is capable of change.

This is his last chance, he is Gavin's last chance.

Warnings: cursing

Chapter 1:

Gavin Reed is a mess. A walking tragedy. Rough on every edge and totally banged up. From the scar on his nose to the little marks on his knuckles.

If the scruffy appearance and constant 5 o’clock shadow doesn’t make it obvious then the darker than night eyebags and shitty attitude certainly does.

He looks rough, but he's not a bad guy, at least not internally. He's a man who feels too much and is easily hurt, but he would rather die than ask for help or express himself. The man has more baggage than an airport.

He’s bitter and cold, almost aloof in demeanor. A rabid dog with a muzzle on at all times, marked “dangerous don’t pet” only by fault of trusting too much.

A stray, left wondering all by his lonely self fulfilling prophecy of isolation.

A grade “A” mess.

He drags his sorry ass to the Detroit Police Station everyday and works himself to the bone because that's all he knows. It’s all he is able to do in order to tune out all the thoughts that he knows will drown him.

Not a team player in the slightest, but he's certainly one of the best detectives the DPD has seen in a long time. Stupidly efficient, his brain makes connections in ways that are unparalleled by his human peers. Too bad no one in the building likes him enough to let him know it.

Another consequence of his own actions, he is an asshole and he knows it. The only person he can call a friend is Tina Chen, but even then he feels as though she could do better. They all can. He is mean and cuts people off, unapproachable and snappy. Truthfully he’s surprised she's still around.

If it wasn’t for Fowler's firm hand he’d practically live in the building, it's not like he takes breaks anyway, but alas he has a shitty apartment with two demon babies to get back to anyway.

Bright and early on a Monday morning the man, the myth, the legend himself walks his groggy ass through the doors of the DPD. The caffeine withdrawal headache already encroaches on his brain and he sports a fresh set of bandages over his abused knuckles.

He keeps his head low and heads straight for the breakroom, aiming to get a cup of the worst coffee Detroit can offer. His reputation around the office has always been less than great, but ever since the android revolution his peers have been walking on eggshells around him.

He doesn’t blame them, it's not like he tried to hide his anti-android sentiment. He huffs quietly to himself, why would he care what those assholes think about him.

He prepares his shitty coffee and walks over to his shitty desk in the shitty bullpen. He’s dramatic like that. He doesn’t bother the anticipatory itch he feels deep in his chest that eggs him on to dive straight back into work. Like a craving, a workaholic.

Days are long and hard now that there has been mass losses in employment and crime skyrocketed. Reed just has to solve it all himself. Masochist.

He sits at his desk reviewing the last notes he took at the scene of his most recent case. Double homicide, suspected breaking and entering, but nothing was stolen.

He hears loud belly laughter come from the entrance of the bullpen, in comes Hank Anderson and his sidekick Conner.

Reed glances at the clock and snorts a bit.

Won’t you look at that, Hank Anderson is early for the first time in about a thousand years.

He shakes his head, and goes back to his notes. Normally he would throw out a rude remark or two, but he simply doesn’t have the energy today so he settles for an eye roll.

He is drop dead tired. Insomnia is a bitch and he hardly has an appetite anymore.

“Good morning Detective” Conner calls in a stupidly cheery tone.

“Fuck off” Gavin mutters back, his words lacking their usual bite. He just sounds defeated, deflated.

Conner hovers for a second longer in front of Gavin's desk. A second longer than usual, too long for Gavin’s liking. He moves his head up to call Conner out, but is met with nothing but air.

Whatever.

Gavin goes back to work, shuffling lightly under his desk. He is focused on nothing. Staring blankly at his own words in front of him, unable to comprehend what he is looking at. His mind is somewhere else, caught between nowhere and here.

He looks away quickly and puts his head in his hands.

Breathe in and out. Just focus, you idiot. Focus.

He rubs his eyes harder as the frustration moves like tides within his chest.

This is an improvement from Gavin Reed, if it were a few months ago he would've just slammed his hands on his desk and stalked off to go smoke. Not that anyone cares enough to know it of course.

He breathes in deep again and sets his mind to try one more time before he swears he’ll scream or something,

“Reed! My office now!” A deep yell calls out, breaking his second of peace. Fowler, of course.

He audibly groans. He hasn’t done anything wrong so why the hell would the captain want to see him.

“Ohhh, someones in trouble~” Tina Chen calls out, she’s barely walking into the area. She’s late, again Starbucks in her hand.

Not surprised.

“Bitch” he retorts, making his way toward Fowler's office. Tina laughs lightly and blows him a mocking kiss. Gavin just rolls his eyes.

Conner and Hank rise from their work stations to start after him.

Oh great, fan-fucking-tabulous. Reed huffs some more.

He opens Fowler's door with a hard swing, his patience slips away from him quickly.

The bad buddy cop flick duo follows behind him closely. Gavin elects to stay standing, way too anxious to sit and just accept whatever shit Fowler will be throwing at him.

Hank takes a seat, the other is already taken by Conner.

He does a double take, Conner is right next to him. Two Conners?

The not Conner turns a fraction.

“The fuck is this” Gavin questions and recieves a scathing look from Fowler.

Conner shuffles quietly next to him, the movement capturing his eye as it always does. Why does he look anxious, the fuck is wrong with him.

“Reed shut up and let me speak before you go butting in, '' Fowler dictates before continuing on, “this is RK900 and he will be assigned as your new partner.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? I don’t do partners, you know this Fowler. What makes you think I need one, much less that tin can.” Reed is quick to anger, well at least he has some energy now.

Has he not been efficient enough on his own? Fowler can’t just give him some pity babysitter to fix him up like Conner did with Hank.

“You do what I tell you to do, Reed. He is top of the line and you, annoyingly enough, have the best solve rates as of now. So he goes to you.” Fowler is strong with his statements and doesn’t leave room for arguing. Which doesn’t stop Gavin.

“What the fuck! That should mean that I don't need the help of that asshole! Dump him on someone else, it doesn’t make any sense!”

“Well you better make it make sense or else you can hand your badge over, Detective.” Gavin clenches his jaw, his eyes lit with anger.

“You don’t get any special privileges Reed, especially with your disciplinary file.”

Gavin huffs again shaking his head. “Well that doesn’t explain why these two are here” he gestures to Hank and Conner wildly with his hands. He treads more lightly with his words, he’s an idiot and a dick, but he will not lose his job over something as stupid as this.

“I asked them here in case you reacted poorly to this decision, much like you did” Fowler draws.

Yeah, yeah he's disappointed, when is he not.

“Yeah, quite the show you put on there, Reed” Hank mocks.

Go back to playing house, Hank.

Reed fumes, grinding his teeth. He could be so much meaner, but he holds back. All the energy that the anger gave him rapidly left his body and he’s left with tired resentment. A cold emptiness that leaves him chilly and lacking the will to continue fighting back.

“Are we done here?” He asks in a low tone, running a hand through his already messy hair.

“Well yes-”

It doesn’t matter what came after that, Reed saw the green light to leave.

“He‘s not well, Lieutenant”

“Conner it’s…”

He walks faster, escaping the muffled voices.

He sits back at his desk and grabs for his coffee. Empty already, great. He goes to make another cup, desperately wanting to get his mind off of the shitstorm that just happened.

Every other partner Reed has ever had did not last, they just couldn’t tolerate his shitty attitude. Essentially he ran them all off, like nannys to a terrible toddler.

This one will be no different, android or not, no one can put up with him for long. At least that's how Reed reassures himself.

Before he knows it he’s back at his desk, hot coffee in his hand and an absurdly tall knock off Conner in his way.

“The fuck out of the way, tin can” Gavin grumbles not even looking up to meet RK900’s eyes.

He doesn’t move.

“Did you not fucking hear me? Are you deaf, asshole?”

He moves a fraction, and Gavin takes it with a slight shoulder check to get to his seat.

Stupid not-Conner and his ugly fucking white jacket. Was gray not terrible enough?

Another small huff to himself. He’s been doing that more and more today.

He goes back to his notes. 5 minutes has passed and not-Conner continues to stand unmoving in front of Gavin’s desk.

He tries to ignore it, but he can’t stand seeing the stark white shadow in his peripheral vision. Looming like a cage starting to close in.

“Can you not just fuckin stand there like a freak?” Gavin snaps, finally looking the RK unit in the face.

Maybe he isn’t like Connor. RK is sharp and cold with defined cheekbones and pale blue eyes. Connor is warm in demeanor and soft where RK seems impenetrable and well…  intimidating.

“I am assuming that that empty desk is mine to use?”

Even his voice is different, this one is firm and lower in pitch compared to Connor’s.

Reed lags behind a beat, taking in all the information he can from what's before him. RKs suit is clean and pressed, untouched by the qualms of living. He looks shiny and brand new, but the disdain in his eyes says otherwise.

His posture is stiff and the collar on his neck more so, making RK look down with his eyes and a miniature head tilt. It makes him look condescending, physically and metaphorically looking down on him.

Gavin curls his lip, dislike drags within him. “If it gets you to fuck off than yeah, knock yourself out, tincan.”

An hour or two, or three, passes. Gavin manages to transfer his written reports onto his terminal. Using the work to blissfully tune out the presence to his right. RK900 staring blankly at the terminal with a flashing yellow light circling at his temple.

Gavin has so many questions swirling around his head, but has too big of a pride to ask them. Asking would mean being civil and he is NOT going to do that. Instead he’s elected to just simply pretend that his brand new partner doesn’t exist at all. That's all he can manage with the lack of energy he has at the moment.

Besides, it's not like his fancy new plastic counterpart is aching to talk to him anyway. He just sits there with his perfect posture in perfect silence. For once Gavin is thankful for his ability to just fall into his work, because it provides the perfect distraction.

(stay tuned for the next chapter!)

#detriot become human #gavin reed #reed900 #upgraded connor #god i love angst #angst #slow burn #enemies to lovers #i love these idiots #ao3 fanfic #ao3 writer

[atlasifyllm]

Tell me about Ventus?

You're really gonna drop this on me when I'm doing homework huh ;u; Get ready for an absolute ride mate

(VENTUS IS MY OC)

DEV Thoughts:

Ventus is a character in another story of mine, AuAg. He started off as a side character but honestly? I might switch him to the main protagonist.

Originally, he was inspired by the guitar solo in You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison. His whole character was that song, to be honest. He was originally this arrogant, well known fighter who gambled on switchblade fights. He was known as the King of Switchblade Fights.

Until I watched a Buzzfeed Unsolved episode, where the Ghoul Boys talked about how terrible a prison was to its inmates. And a Vsauce: Mind Field episode, showcasing him mentally deteriorating under solitary confinement.

Then, I just started just whumping him. He was a little bit of a masochist, trying to cause grave injuries to himself in order to escape prison.

Then, I listened to the song Partners in Crime by Set It Off. That's when his character started getting pulled together.

Ventus became a character involved in criminal activity, though is honestly one of the more innocent of the group. No one in that group was more precious to him than his girlfriend, Vepris. They were pretty much:

VUntil one day, Ventus and Vepris got involved in a scuffle with... honestly it's changed so much over the years but their group was NOT on good ties with them. Vepris got shot, but Ventus went off on the enemies, fearing that they've taken away his beloved.

And so Ventus was captured and imprisoned for 4 years. He just wanted to be with Vepris, feeling guilty he may have just led her to being killed.

On the flipside, his younger brother Nimbus, struggled with losing his brother. He would vent to another man, Caligo (originally a vigilante), who then rescued Ventus from prison.

However, Caligo would find this to be a mistake.

Ventus hated being weak in front of Nimbus, and would try and be the "You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison" bastard that he used to be, both in-universe and out-universe. Caligo hated how arrogant he was, and the two would clash until Caligo makes an attempt on Ventus' life. Caligo goes through a villain arc, wondering whether or not killing Ventus would be a moral option. He's a criminal, right? You have to get rid of the "bad guys", right?

Ventus would then seek comfort from his old crime buddy, Jack. But all Jack wants is to gamble on the "King of Switchblade Fights" again. Ventus eventually sees that he's nothing more than cash to him, but Jack tries killing him now that he knows he has no control over his little dog fighter.

But the last thing he sees is Vepris.

Even when Ven fades away, he can't help but admire the angel right in front of him.

Eventually, Ventus, Vepris, and Nimbus would go after Jack and Caligo.

But that was then.

Now here's now ;>

Character thoughts:

Ventus Fulmen was born out of a simple family, living normally. Until an interaction with criminals led to him being shot as a young kid. Ven would struggle with his mental health for awhile, but he'd meet Vepris. The two of them were inseparable, and both shared a love for punk rock music <3. Ventus would also form an interest in switchblades, a gift from his parents.

Somewhere along the way, Vepris became involved with Argentum's most infamous masquerade-inspired casino, run by a gang of nefarious criminals. Ventus, willing to follow Vepris anywhere, ended up hanging out at this casino often. It's here that Ventus would make a name for himself in poker games and unbeknowst to the innocent public, switchblade fights. Ven would be a huge moneymaker for the gang and its casino through his excellence at switchblade fights, and he and Pris would eventually join the gang as their most elite fighters, the King and Queen. Alongside Ven and Vep, the gang included:

Lucius, the Spade, who was a bartender

Jack, the Joker, who was the mastermind

"Ace", the Aces, who also worked with his brother at the bar

(The rest of these are more vague, Lucius, Jack, and Ace already have designs)

Adamas, the Diamond, a circus master ("Artistic, but Crazy?")

Trifolium, the Club, a security guard ("Sporty, but Violent?")

Cordis, the Heart... hot girls?? ("Lusty, but Manipulative?")

And so, the "Card Suit Gang" (name may change later) would continue to run the casino, getting into trouble along the way due to criminal activity

One day, the casino gets raided by an "enemy gang", causing chaos along the way.

Diamond, Club, and Heart face hardship after this raid, not wanting to be involved with the casino's antics and the target they've painted on their heads.

Jack stays at the casino, trying to keep it afloat after the incident.

Ace disappears.

Lucius faces a traumatic brain injury to the point of needing heavy rehabilitation.

And to Ventus, Vepris dies of after getting shot.

Which terrifies him, after being shot so many years before.

Wanting to protect her, he attacks; and gets captured.

Once again, he's imprisoned and forced to fulfill everyone's wishes as the "King of Switchblade Fights", forced to duel others in hopes that his captors can gamble on him

Four years later, Caligo becomes a vigilante. His main target?

The former members of the Card Suit Gang.

He gets involved with a young pilot, Nimbus, and his mechanic, Aurora. Throughout transporting Caligo, Nimbus begins to open up about his missing brother: Ventus.

Caligo realizes he's a former member of the Card Suit Gang, and aims to break him out of his captivity in hopes he can aid him in his quest against the Card Suit Gang. Once again, this turns out to be a great mistake... to Caligo only.

Ventus isn't the "King of Switchblade Fights".

He's a kind older brother. His main interest is punk rock. He yearns for his "past love". All he really wants to do is get treatment for his mental trauma; unlike a lot of my other characters (hehe Winter Boys), Ventus knows when he's sick and is willing to seek treatment for himself.

Caligo doesn't like this.

How can he justify leaving Lucius to die, if the Card Suit Gang was never inherently evil?

Once again, Caligo attempts to murder Ventus.

If he can't track the entire Card Suit Gang, he can at least get rid of one of the members permanently.

Ventus is still alive, though left behind by Caligo. Of course, Nimbus and Rora are scolding Caligo elsewhere.

Feeling as if Cal's goals are immoral, he seeks the one person he knows how to track: Jack, still at the casino.

Of course, Jack has always been a sleazy guy. He ratted out the Card Suit Gang for easy cash, only to be faced with the casino getting a bad reputation through the raid. Even now, he tries to convince Ventus to become the King of Switchblade Fights again, just to gamble for cash.

Ventus, good old caring, kind Ventus, hates this.

He betrayed them for money? He betrayed HIM for money? He lost Vepris, because of money??

The two get into a scuffle, which Ventus loses.

But he's not alone.

Vepris, also hunting down the Card Suit Gang, saves him.

Vepris isn't violent like Caligo; she only hopes to seek salvation and rehabilitation for its former members. It was her who found Lucius at the brink of death, rescuing him and joining her on her quest.

(Vepris becomes known as the Phantom Queen, while Lucius joins in as "Grandma Lucy"; his head injury has made him significantly weaker, but he still is grateful for Vepris and scouts out information under the guise of his weakened state)

Now that the Demolition Lovers are back, they're gonna make sure Jack and Caligo pay.

Ventus gets to prove that he's the good person Caligo rejected in favor of the idea that the Card Suit Gang must be eliminated for their crimes.

Vepris gets to take back the life that Jack took away from her.

:)

#mana speaks; #mana answers; #whumpymirages #auag text; #auag got a HUGE overhaul but i'm not actively working on it in favor of dots #i'm kinda struggling with the themes of auag still tbh. its always been a hard one to plot for #some stuff that's up in the air is whether or not club diamond and heart are bad people still or if they're just traumatized by the raid #which would cause ventus to clash against caligo because they're not actively hurting anyone #especially since ventus understands trauma and knows how self destructive it would be #tldr ventus was an arrogant rat bastard in/out-universe that turned into a kind bastard that was just put in a bad situation #he does have the arrogance/power of the king of switchblade fights but he uses it to be a good person #he's just a really iconic OC of mine. i reference the king of switchblade fights HEAVILY in other stories #auag may be a difficult story to write but i will always be down to respect ventus <3

[alicemitch09writes]

i have been meaning to say this for awhile but never really got the chance to but ive seen a couple of anon asks here that says you were ~dragging~ the angst for way too long and that it’s been getting annoying how reader seems like she’s not getting past her insecurities especially towards her sister

so let me just say this; regarding the angst, to be honest with you it wasn’t dragged on at all. in fact, i think a year is too fast for them to move forward. granted, the catalyst was the realisation that atsumu is losing reader. for real this time. he’s realising that he cannot subconsciously keep on keeping an eye on her or still have her by his side along his brother.

onto the reader, i don’t know what you guys are reading but all throughout the series which has literally more than 200 pages (ebook style) i can be sure that it’s less than a page wherein reader’s insecurity for mika has been really outwardly mentioned. as for her insecurities in general, that much is a given. no, it doesn’t matter if she’s a teenager who is trying her best not to have her emotions rule her.

this ones deeper than that. y’all gotta realise that everyone around reader (sans her family) has always made her feel invisible and lesser than. it doesn’t matter where they are or who they’re with. she’s always labelled as someone who’s just never enough compared to both her sister and her younger brother even. ever since they were kids. does anyone realise how damaging that is to anyone’s psyche? or is it just me??? it was always drilled into her mind that what she’s good at is studying, lol. and she doesn’t even believe that that’s like... a super strength to her character. she just thought that she just happened to be good at it, nothing special. now, the incident happened and she heard from her very first love. that she’s got nothing going on for her except her brain. LITERALLY in front of her. mind you, this is the same person who’s always made her feel seen and had always made her feel like she belongs. then realising that he, too, thought that she’s really just plain and boring? well, isn’t that something? plus, her trust being broken way too many times. even by people who she gave everything to.

all of these factors, plus others combined. i’d say you handled this very realistically. in fact, there were many instances where reader feels as though she’s enough and what she’s doing is enough but of course, in the journey of loving and accepting yourself, there’s always going to be setbacks. people making you feel small and boring ever since you were a kid, reader will always have that nagging feeling of insecurity in the back of her mind.

even when atsumu started treating her like theyre buddy buddy without ever apologising and her thinking that ‘this is enough’ she still had her reservations and doubts. as she should! what would y’all feel if someone who’s took every opportunity to hurt you again and again. to humiliate you. to trample over your feelings as if they’re nothing. started to act as if that rift between the two of you never happened? and her knowing that no matter what happens from this point onwards, atsumu and her will never go back to the way they once were? whewwww

it makes reader human. the way she acts and the way she’s processing things right now, makes her all the more human. she might be strong and she might present herself to be that type to never be knocked down by anything but she’s got her limits too. she’s got her bad days too. and sometimes, no matter how much you convince yourself that you’re getting better, that nagging feeling of dark thoughts will still linger in the back of your mind. that’s how it goes. because loving and accepting yourself is not just all about forgetting everything that knocks you down, it’s also getting up whenever those bad thoughts and days seem to be getting better of you. and that’s what reader has been doing all this time.

she deserves all those little factors that made her the way she is all throughout this series. because it couldn’t be more realistic to have all the what-ifs, what couldve been, what could be, etc be placed and scattered throughout her healing(???) process.

im p sure i missed a lot of points to say but id say this is still a pretty good and convincing thought LMAOO - 🎨

to be honest, i was also pissed, but had to step back. as mentioned before, this story has a bit of me - because they were my experiences growing up, getting so used to either being invisible, the second fiddle, or as the inferior sibling. it's numb me to the point that i've become so pessimistic and cynical.

nonetheless, i have to respect that everyone is each to their own opinion. yet at the same time, it's not fair to disregard the fact that there are people like reader who have a high threshold for pain, saint-like presence, or are just plain masochists.

as for the angst, this is exactly the kind of angst i really like reading - where you really see glimpse of what a certain pain can do to someone, emotionally and psychologically. yes, i do love the 'they don't love me back' trope, but on a deeper level? that's just *chef's kiss* nothing hurts more if you actually get to feel what they're feeling, which is why i chose to write my angst that way :>

#alicemitch09 answers #paint anon #on the defense of reader

[onestowatch]

25 Game of Thrones-Obsessed Artists Predicted the Fate of Westeros

Photo Credit: Alyssa Yung

Before you continue reading, here’s your *SPOILER ALERT*!

With only one grueling week until the highly-anticipated Game of Thrones finale, we’re dying to know the fate of Westeros. Will Arya’s white horse lead her to victory? Will Sansa prove herself worthy of being the ruler of the Seven Kingdoms? Will Daenerys cease her Mad King rampage? Will Jon Snow turn against his queen and save what’s left amidst the ashy ruins? 

Only time will tell… but in the meantime, we asked 25 of your favorite artists, who just so happen to be ultimate Game of Thrones fans, who they predicted would’ve taken the infamous Iron Throne before it burnt down in flames. Keep reading for responses from DOROTHY, flor, Jacob Banks, Rhye (who is apparently a fortune teller), and many more!

Ayelle

"I think (hope) Arya will end up on the Iron Throne, simply because she'll be the last one standing, she's the coldest, and lowkey probably more brutal than Daenerys (even though she's trying to be)."

Baby FuzZ

“Joffrey will return via a time machine and take out everyone. Now hear me out… The Starbucks cup in the past episode was definitely foreshadowing time travel, so be prepared for Joffrey’s return, but dressed in modern clothes and sporting some sick tattoos.”

BAUM

“I’m definitely gonna have to go with Sansa. She 100% knows how to manipulate people and plays the game better than anyone else.”

Calum Scott

“My prediction was that the Night King would have won both wars and that the season (and the show) would have ended with him on the throne [and] only white walkers left. But Arya spectacularly ended that prediction for me! Saying that, people are saying that Bran is actually the Night King, so maybe I’m not wrong… As much as I’d like it to happen, I think Dany or Jon is too obvious... I think I would like to see Tyrion on there!”

Cherry Glazerr

“Tabor and I have both been watching this season of ‘GoT’ so this is a very exciting thing to think about and discuss!! We feel like Arya has a shot at the Iron Throne and we’re just going to go ahead and put her name first because she’s a more unlikely candidate, she’s just killed the night king, and she’s obviously ruthless!!” - Clementine Creevy of Cherry Glazerr

Dagny

“I’m a massive ‘Game of Thrones’ fan, and I already have a few bets with friends on who’s gonna sit on the Iron Throne by the end of it. I was really late to the party; I only started watching it in April this year, and binged the whole thing in no time. I’m placing my bet on either Jon Snow or Arya. I’m not entirely sure how it’s gonna happen, but they’re my favorites. After Arya’s amazing jump straight outta the wood, placing a dagger in the ‘heart’ of the Night King, I was like, ‘Yup, girl’s got this.’ Jon Snow might be too obvious, but he’s so nice and if I was living in Westeros, I’d like him to be king.”

DOROTHY

“In my opinion, Jon and Dany could rule together because it’s weirdly romantic, but I think Arya will take the throne because she has the heart of a lion. She’s the ultimate protector and would make a benevolent but badass ruler.”

Drinker

“I don’t watch it, but my bandmate Anina Denove thinks the show is about so much more than who ‘wins’ the throne. It’s more about the game and the characters and less about the throne. But if I must, I think the likely candidate is Jon; he’s not only been revealed as the rightful heir, but has also proven himself a natural leader and survivor throughout the series. A boring prediction, but I think the most practical.”

flor

“Sansa - She has been through literal hell and survived, even thrived. She has learned the intimate details of how to navigate in politics and keeps a cool head. As far as legitimacy... if everyone else is dead, there’s no one to challenge her claim.” - McKinley Kitts of flor

Great Good Fine Ok

“Arya will kill Daenerys, and Jon Snow will take the Iron Throne… I HOPE!”

Jacob Banks

“Tyrion Lannister. I think he’s a Targaryen, which would make him the heir to the throne.”

James Droll

“Jon Snow (or Aegon Targaryen)! As much as I’d prefer to have a woman on the throne, I do believe the series has been grooming Jon to rule. Before anyone even knew of his royal ties, he has displayed his ability to win over his enemies and lead with compassion. If there is anyone to unite the seven kingdoms, it’s gonna be him. There is a small, albeit masochistic, part of me that wants Cersei to win though… Can’t wait to find out who it’s going to be!”

Knox Hamilton

“It’s honestly hard to imagine anyone surviving this season - let alone claiming the Iron Throne. However, it’s easy enough to imagine that Cersei and Qyburn have something ridiculously diabolical in store for Westeros, which will annihilate half the population. Jon Snow, in all of his broody bearded beautifulness, seems to have the best shot at sitting on the Iron Throne. For a few moments, anyway, before being betrayed by Lord Varys for ‘the good of the realm.’ Regardless of the outcome, it’s safe to say that everyone will lose at the ‘Game of Thrones.’” - Drew Buffington of Knox Hamilton

Lo Lo

“I think I’m gonna go with… Sansa Stark. She will win the Iron Throne because, first of all, I think Dany and Jon will probably die, and she’s the only one actually acting like a true leader. She’ll be the only one left that can actually do it, I think.”

Luna Shadows

“Dany has gone full Anakin on us, so I’m officially hopping on the Stark train, and by train I mean white horse. Arya, you’re our only hope.”

Pell

“My prediction is that Daenerys will take the Iron Throne, but Arya will kill her. I think there’s a place for Sansa on the throne because she’s the most well rounded character that’s suited for it and she’s a Stark. I have to believe that the Starks can get on the Iron Throne, even if Sansa’s maybe the only one who wants it.”

PHANGS

“Going into this final episode of the series, I have so many thoughts. I think that Daenerys actually saw the final outcome back in season 2, when she was in the house of the undying, looking for her baby dragons. The vision was of a castle with the ceiling ripped off and the throne covered in snow. I can only assume that this is symbolic of Jon Snow being the force that takes her throne. Also, she is showing big time glimpses of the infamous Mad King in her current actions… leaving me to wonder if after destroying King’s Landing and taking her throne, Tyrion will take his place as the ‘Queen Slayer,’ as a nod to the undying love for his family that he can never seem to outrun. Then he’ll bring Sansa back to King’s Landing to have the Starks run the Seven Kingdoms with honor, but with Jon Snow on the throne as king.”

Pretty Vicious

“Well, I mean, if anyone is gonna sit on the Iron Throne it should be Bran, right? Dude’s literally omniscient. Plus, they could give the throne a sick makeover and give it wheels and stuff. The Iron Wheelchair… I like the sound of that.” - Elliot Jones of Pretty Vicious

Rainsford

“My heart is torn between Daenerys Targaryen and Jon Snow for the Iron Throne. I haven’t started the final season because I needed to refresh my brain to all the information in the previous seasons. So for all I know, they could be dead now (this show is obviously not afraid to kill its heroes) or maybe they’ve joined forces! (Fingers crossed, ignorance is bliss).

Rhye

“I think no one is going to win the Iron Throne… I think it is going to be destroyed in the fury to control it. Possibly by a dragon. Just my two cents… It would be a cool lesson, as everything the audience wants to see happen seems to meet a bitter end.”

Rozzi

“Okay so I’ve seen 1.25 episodes of ‘Game of Thrones.’ I got through about 15 minutes of S1E1 before falling into a deep sleep and didn’t make any second attempt until two weeks ago when I agreed to a date that involved watching a new episode with five of my date’s ‘GoT’ obsessed friends. I have no idea what ‘the Iron Throne’ is or who will ‘win’ it, and to be honest, I don’t care! BUT here is my prediction anyway: the one who’s sleeping with his aunt. Because the only thing I know about ‘GoT’ is they like to freak us out so a ‘murder your crush who’s also your aunt and win the show’ moment feels right!”

Sheridan Reed

“Jon and Tyrion are going to go against Dany after her burning King’s Landing. BUT Dany’s going to execute Jon, while Arya then assassinates Dany. Somehow Tyrion survives and ends up as hand of the queen to SANSA STARK ON THE IRON THRONE.”

SWMRS

“Dany deserves the Iron Throne. She’s lost friends and nearly her entire family line. She found out she can’t be with the person she loves. She lost two dragons and gets categorized as going ‘mad’ because of her emotions. She has fought for freedom, broken chains, and inspired more people than anyone else in play for the throne of the Seven Kingdoms.” - Joey Armstrong of SWMRS

The Hunna

“Daenerys is going to go mad like the Mad King did because she can’t handle the throne not actually belonging to her. The last dragon will die. I think Arya could be the one to kill Cersei. I’m hoping for Jon and Daenerys to rule together, but I also feel like they could both die and Gendry takes the throne.” - Ryan Potter of The Hunna

“Arya and Gendry. They are not the obvious choice, but both of them would want the Seven Kingdoms to live in peace. Gendry is the only living Baratheon and now appointed Lord of Storm’s End. That gives him a bigger chance to claim the throne.” - Jack Metcalfe of The Hunna

“I really wanna see Daenerys, Jon Snow, and her dragon Drogon sitting on the Iron Throne. However, I can really imagine something random happening. Maybe something like Cersei staying on top by not getting defeated. That would be so savage. Imagine that…” - Daniel Dorney of The Hunna

“Jon Snow.” - Junate Angin of The Hunna

Vista Kicks

“Sansa and Tyrion. Dany is gonna die. So is Jon.”

#game of thrones #got #iron throne #ayelle #baby fuzZ #BAUM #Calum scott #cherry glazerr #dagny #DOROTHY #drinker #flor #great good fine ok #Jacob banks #James droll #knox hamilton #lo lo #luna shadows #pell #phangs #pretty vicious #rainsford #rhye #rozzi #Sheridan reed #SWMRS #the hunna #vista kicks

[sophie-summer]

ES LETTER: MC TO LI

I was tagged by @princesstopgun and @mechaspirit. Thanks so much girls, I needed to do this.

Okay people, this won’t be flowers and rainbows, I suggest you to stay away of this if you’re not a brokenhearted masochist. Also, I wrote this while listening When the night is over by Lord Huron and Supermarket Flowers by Ed Sheeran, just in case you need some background music.

Imagine that you choose the third option, sacrificing yourself to save the world. Write a heartfelt letter to the LI of your choosing.

Tag at least 3 people.

Leave no stone unturned. Pour out everything you have into the letter.

Jake looked carefully at the place where he was. He didn’t know how, but somehow he had ended up in the cowboy themed bar. Just a few seconds ago he was standing on the roof of the hotel listening to something he was not prepared for, though to say the truth, that wasn’t something he could never be ready, and next, the disaster of the shattered bar was the only thing in his field of vision.

There was nothing between those two points, there were no passing corridors moving quickly before his eyes that suggest he had set in motion or the sound of his own footsteps echoing in his ears as he walked away. Nothing, there was nothing at all to indicate he had left the place he had been just a minute ago, it was as if he had only materialized there.

Probably his feet had moved automatically when his brain was still trying to assimilate what he had just heard, taking him to the easiest escape route against the pain. Anyways, he didn’t care how he had ended up there, but rather, he didn’t care about anything at all/anymore.

Only a couple of hours ago, Jake saw how Mike sacrificed himself for saving them all, when he had just recovered him a few days ago. He lost him a second time, and all he could do was wait until the smoke dissipated painfully slow to see there wasn’t a trace left of Mike.

In that moment, a sharp pain pierced his chest and he thought nothing worse could happen to him, but he was so wrong. Then she was gone too.

His life felt empty and meaningless without them. They had given him all the security and affection that had made him recover his course. For the first time in three years he had ceased to be the lone wolf that kept people away.

She, who with just a smile made his world less gray and gave meaning to be alive, had taken it upon herself to knock down the defenses he had put between the world and him, and he had gladly allowed it.

His best friend.

The woman he loved.

Both gone.

And he was left alone again.

Anger gradually seeped into Jake. He needed to hit, break and graze until the pain in his hands and legs numbed the one that was much deeper. He wanted to scream until there were no more tears to be shed and no sound could come out of his throat. Each inspiration felt as if his chest was about to burst, but in spite of that he did not get enough air.

But faster than it had arrived, anger left him, leaving in its place a deep sadness that seemed to have no end. Feeling useless and defeated, he walked to the bar dragging his feet, hoping to find an intact bottle between the chaos and the destruction that predominated in the bar.

There, at the counter, rested a single bottle as if it had been waiting for him all night. Through his eyes clouded by tears, he could see that thing was one of those drinks a normal person could only taste once in his life, and that was if he was lucky, although at that point, it could have been poison and he would have taken it gladly.

Jake dropped heavily into a chair in front of it and took it. As he did so, a piece of paper slid into his lap, he was about to make a ball with it and throw it along with the other garbage that was accumulating on the floor when he saw it.

It was his name written with her handwritting. He have kept his gaze fixed in it, not knowing what to do and then slowly Jake unfolded it almost afraid, as if any sudden movement could make the paper integrate into his hands.

Dear Jake,

If you found this letter, it means I wasn’t wrong and right now, you’re at the bar looking for a way to relief the pain. I looked for the bottle of whiskey that looked more expensive because I know you’re probably needing it, I hope you like it. But for the record, this doesn’t mean you’re allowed to drown yourself in alcohol until you lose consciousness.

I cannot promise you reading this letter will be pleasant, on the contrary, reading it will be as painful as it was for me to write it, but this is the only thing I can do now, leave my feelings in words since I can’t express them in any other way.

I know right now you must be very upset with me, for the decision I made, for the way I left… and you know what? I don’t blame you, I’m a bit annoyed with myself too. I’m not as strong as you think Jake, at least not for this kind of thing, I’m a weak human being, if I can still call myself that, and if I had returned to say goodbye to you and the others, I would never have left. In the end, I would have ended up taking the wrong direction and many lives would have been lost when the only price to pay was mine. I am the one who does not belong to this world. Making others pay for me wouldn’t have been fair.

I couldn’t have looked you in the face knowing it was me who destroyed the hopes, for which we fought so hard, to return home and to deny you the opportunity to see your family again, to have a life outside this island. And to make a whole island full of people disappear wouldn’t have been less selfish either.

Any of those options would have affected someone else, but not this one. This only affects me. If I’m only the price it’s needed for all of you to live I know this is the right thing to do and I can’t say I regret it. But to be honest, I would have preferred a thousand times not to have to leave.

My time with you, which now it seems extremely short, was the best way I could have spent it. I am glad to know my existence fulfilled its purpose, to guide you all, especially you Jake, returned to the happiness and change that your lives needed.

Of course I would have loved to stay by your side, and live a looong and happy life full of you, full of your love, your sarcasm, those smiles that take my breath away and that feeling only you are able to make me feel. With you, I had the privilege of knowing love, and I hope after this, you don’t deny yourself to enjoy that privilege for the rest of your life.

I can’t promise it’ll be easy, but if there is anything I can do, it’s to promise you that you won’t be alone, you will always have friends who will support you in the most difficult moments, that’s my last gift for you.

Guilt has been with you for a time too long. I don’t want you to blame yourself for this. Be happy my love, be happy for you and me. Because as long as you are, from the place where I’ll be, wherever that is, I will be too.

Jake, you made my life meaningful, thanks for that. And whenever you look at the night sky, or when you see a star shine brightly in the sky know that that’s me saying how much I love you.

With all my love,

Your Princess.

Jake took a deep breath as tears ran like a river for his cheeks to compose himself, then another, and another. But it was useless, any amount of air would help him then. His hands were shaking and the bottle was left alone in the counter. Staring at that letter was the only thing he did for a long time.

After so much later, a hand squeezed Jake’s shoulder before sitting next to him. He didn’t raised his head.

“So Grandpa, are we gonna drink this thing or what?”

Aaand that’s all, thanks to all of you who read until this point.

Tagging: @itsagoodluckkiss @scgdoeswhat @deztinywarriors @lahuertasprincess @mrsjakemckenzie17 and all the ansgty lovers!!!  Let’s cry together.

#tag game #endless summer #jake x mc #jake mckenzie #playchoices #jake x sophie #my writing

[mrsjihyunkim]

20 Seconds of Bravery Ch 8

Next 

First 

Previous

          When I woke up I felt something heavy and warm on me. I looked down and saw V's arm draped a crossed my waist. Everything from last night came crashing back in my mind and I remembered asking V to sleep with me. I turned over slowly and was relived that it wasn't all a dream. V's arms tightened around me and I was now only inches from his face. The closeness made me blush but I noticed that he had strange looking scars around his eyes. They were very faint but they looked like thin stab marks from some blunt object. It filled me with both rage and sadness to know that someone did that to V. I reached up moved some stray hairs out of his face and he stirred a little bit. He looked so peaceful and happy; I almost didn't want him to wake up. Although he always tried to appear fine I can always tell that there's something on his mind. Almost like guilt or some kind of loss. It always made me wonder but I knew better than to push. We had plenty of time to share our tragic backstories. V began to stir again and I could tell he was waking up. I didn't want him to find out I'd been staring at him so I closed my eyes and pretend to be asleep. I heard him yawn and I waited to see what he would do next. I could feel his eyes staring at me and I hoped I wasn't blushing. He held me tighter and I could feel his breath on my face. I could feel his hand in my hair and I was going nuts not looking at him. I slowly opened my eyes and he smiled at me. "Good morning." he said as he kissed my forehead. I smiled and brushed the hair out of his face. I let my hand rest in his hair twirling it.

"Good morning. Did you sleep ok?" He nodded sleepily. I could see that he was still really drowsy and it made him seem like a little kid. "You're really cute when your drowsy. Are you not a morning person?" He shrugged his shoulders and pulled me closer to him for a quick peck.

"I can be if I need to but everything I need is already in the bed so why get up." He said it so casually without a care in the world.

"I'm not that great. I'm honestly surprised I didn't push you off the bed." He laughed and opened his eyes fully.

"I mean you did smack me in the middle of the night while you were having a nightmare, but I'm fine." I raised an eyebrow at him.

"I don't remember having a nightmare. Are you sure?" He nodded his head and I began to think. I honestly didn't remember having a one and I almost always remember them because they wake me up.

"I'm not sure what you were dreaming about. You were just tossing and turning a lot and I imagine that's how you smacked me." I leaned over and kissed his cheek to apologize. "It's ok. You calmed down after I had you so I made sure to not let go after that. I'm happy that I was able to help you for once." I laid my head on his chest and he rubbed my back.

"You really did. Normally my nightmare wake me up and then I can't go back to sleep after that because I'm scared I'll have them again. I would have to fall asleep watching cartoons or something. Come to think of it these last two nights are the first time in a while I didn't wake up on my couch."

"Well like I said I was just happy to finally be able to help you. It's the least I can do after causing so much trouble for you." I couldn't help but laugh at his statment. I sat up and saw the confusion on his face.

"You think you're the one causing me trouble?" He only looked more confused. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to laugh it's just that Searan told me that you can be a stubborn hero. Please don't blame yourself for any of this. I was bound to meet someone eventually so I'm glad it was you." His hand caressed my arm and I laid back down next to him. "Plus you probably don't realize it but I'm glad all of this is happening. Thanks to you I'm not only going out of my comfort zone, but I'm also realizing that I can be happy. It's like my self-esteem is slowly rising and that's as good as any super power. Especially against Jake. He always fed off of my insecurities and used them against me but thanks to you that won't work anymore. I mean I'm still terrified of him but I'm slowly getting less scared of him. Ya know what I mean?" I looked up at him and he seemed to be thinking.

"I think I do. I was once like that. Very insecure and afraid of my self. There was another person that I thought I loved a long time ago and everyone thought we were perfect together. They didn't see us behind closed doors though. We were always fighting and she always said strange and terrible things when we were alone. It made me feel like I had to hide it from our friends but that didn't do anyone any good. It wasn't until we actually seperated that I was actually able to get better and see the truth."

"Is she the one who did that to your eyes?" He smiled a little but then looked at me with sadness in his eyes. "When I'm this close I can see the scars. I've seen my fair share of injuries so I can tell that they weren't self inflicted and that it was done by something blunt." This time he chuckled a little.

"You sound like some kind of doctor."

"Not really. Just more of an expert on pain." He let out a heavy sigh and seemed to be thinking again.

"Yes she's the one who hurt my eyes." He stared up at the ceiling as if he was recalling the memory. "We were having another fight. She was accusing me of not loving her, as she always did, and I told her it wasn't true. Then she asked me if I'd still love her even if she hurt me. Of course I told her I would and she seemed happy. Later on that day I went to the store and she was angry that I didn't tell her that I went. When I told her I went to the store she didn't believe me. She kept insisting that I was with another lover because I couldn't handle her darkness. She called me a liar and a hypocrite. Then in her anger she gouged me in the eyes." Hearing V's story made me realize who he was talking about and I debated if I should ask him. I didn't even realize that I had started crying until I felt V wipe them away. He was still looking at the ceiling and I was surprised he knew I was crying. "It means a lot that you'd cry for me but it's unnecessary. It's all in the past."

"How did you know I was crying?" I asked still surprised.

"I could smell them. My eyes have been in this state for over a year and a half so my other senses have began to adapt." His voice sounded so sad and I wished there was something I could do.

"Is there nothing that can be done to save your eyes?" He simply nodded and I felt a little happier.

"Yes. There's a surgery that could fix them and it's a 99% success rate." Before I could even ask why he hasn't gotten it he continued. "I just chose not to get the surgery because I've always believed that I deserved this pain. I always felt like I failed my lover and this was my punishment." I sat up in the bed and stroked his hand.

"You sound like some kind of masochist." We both laughed and he shurgged his shoulders. "No one deserves abuse and to justify something like that happening to you shows a lot of compassion. I do wish you'd reconsider the surgery though."

"To be honest I've been think about it more and more lately. When it happened I never thought I'd find another reason to see. I thought I made my peace with it and then I met you. You were the first thing I saw clearly in months. Then you told me about Jake and you got hurt in that tree. Both of those times my vision was blurry and I thought you'd disappear. I began to wonder if I could really protect you the way I am now." He sat up with me and played with my hair. "That's why I've been thinking about the surgery more and more."

"I'm glad that your reconsidering it but I don't think that I should be your soul reason for doing it. I'll still love you even if you don't get it. I don't what a knight in shining armor to protect me. I want someone who will comfort me when I'm having an attack or reassure me when I need it. I want someone who is kind and compassionate. I want you." He seemed to be surprised by my words. "Just think about other reasons why you want to see. Think of all the things you'll never get to see again, like family photos, or your old home. Memories fade as you make new ones that's why sight is so precious. I mean if I couldn't see photos of my mom I probably wouldn't really remember what she looked like. Do you see what I mean?" He placed his hand on his chin and seemed to be thinking.

"I think I understand what you mean, and although my past is something I'd rather forget, I want to see my future with you. So please understand where I'm coming from. I don't want to become a burden for you if I completely lose my sight." I let out a frustrated sigh and he looked sad. I honestly didn't know why I felt so annoyed. I should be glad he wanted to fix his eyes but I couldn't help but to be annoyed at me being the reason for it. The more I looked at those sad blue eyes the worse I felt for getting angry. I leaned over and kissed him on the lips.

"V, I have nearly crippling anxiety and depression. If anything I'm constantly worried about me being the burden and you leaving. I mean my brain is still a mess around you. The idea that you love me has me completely baffled and my brain keeps telling me that your playing some kind of joke on me. So me thinking that you're a burden is never gonna happen."

"You really have become more bold since I met you. I think it suits you." I felt my face blush and V laughed. I was about to say something when a loud grumble came from my stomach and then the same sound came from V. He began to laugh so hard he fell off the bed and dragged me down with him. I landed on top of him and our heads banged together. I was now laughing with him as I rolled off of him onto the floor. "Sounds like it's time to get out of bed. What would you like to eat?" I honestly hadn't thought about food since I woke up this morning.

"How about eggs in a basket? They're quick and I need to use my eggs before they expire." V stood up and held his hand out to me.

"That sounds perfect." He said as he pulled me up. I smiled and leaded the way to the kitchen. I pulled out the eggs, butter, and bread. "Do you need any help?" I shook my head.

"Nah. Just sit tight, it'll be done in a few." He nodded and sat down at the table. I watched as he tinkered on his phone and even tried to sneak taking pictures. "I saw that." I said shooting him a look.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." He said with a coy smile. As I whisked the eggs I noticed he was looking at his phone.

"So how's the RFA today?" I asked as I poured the eggs into the bread.

"Yoosung is bragging to Hyun about how he met you. Now Zen is practically begging to come over here." He laughed a little. "It's funny how excited all my friends are about you. I knew they would be curious but I never thought Zen would offer to clean my house in order to meet you." Now I was laughing.

"I mean I'd be fine with Zen coming over but isn't he really allergic to cats?" I asked flipping to bread.

"Yes he is. How did you know that?" His question kinda surprised me because he almost sounded suspicious.

"Shelby was an extra in a musical that he stared in last year. After that she became a pretty big fan. She knows everything about him and it drives Eric crazy." I went to go get the plates out when V hugged my waist. "V?" He rested his head on my shoulder and hugged me tightly.

"Are you a fan too? Do you prefer men like Hyun?" Right then I knew what this was, he was insecure. I turned around and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"It's true I am a fan but only of his talent. And as for my preference in men it's pretty obvious. I mean I've only know you for about two weeks and I'm already madly in love with you. You are everything I always wanted and more. And besides guys who like to be the center of attention 24/7 aren't really my type." He still looked a little uneasy. "If it makes you feel better he flirted with me before but I turned him down and avoided the play after that." V's face perked up after I said this. His arms dropped to his sides and a smile crept onto his face. I turned back around and put the food on the plates.

"I have got to hear this story. Please tell it to me." He grabbed the plates from me and took them too the table. It was cute how excited he was.

"There's really not much to tell. Why do you want to hear it so bad?" I grabbed forks and joined V at the table.

"Because I've never heard of such a thing happening to Hyun. I mean he usually stays away from relationships because he doesn't have time. But no ones ever doubted that he can have anyone he's ever wanted. So to get the girl that turned him down is a little bit of an ego boost." He was gleaming like a little kid and I blushed. Zen wasn't the first guy I've turned down so I didn't think it was that big a deal. I took a couple bites of toast while anticipation danced in V's eyes.

"I honestly don't remember the name of the play but it was sometime last year. Shelby had gotten a decent part so I went and saw it with Eric. Well after the play Eric left me alone in the lobby to get get Shelby. I was there for about twenty minutes when Zen walked out. I became really anxious and I remember plan an escape to the bathroom." V laughed and I took another bite of my food. "He was staring at his phone so he didn't notice me at first but then he did. I tried my best to seem uninterested but he started talking to me anyway. My shyness made him think that I was a fan and that made me a little peeved. He told me that he didn't usually hang out with his fans but he would make an exception for me." I paused to take another bite.

"What did you say to him?" V was so amused by my story that he had completely forgotten his food.

"I told him not to flatter himself and that I had no interest in feeding his ego and that I already had plans to take my girlfriend to dinner. That left him speechless enough to run to the bathroom and hide. I haven't been to a play since then." I finished my food and took my plate over to the sink. V began to laugh and I smiled. "You should finish eating before it gets cold." He stopped laughing and looked down at his plate.

"You're right. Delicious food shouldn't go to waste but after I'm done I'm going to tease Zen about this." He beamed like a little kid and I couldn't help but smile. I was glad to have made his insecurities disappear. My phone buzzed in my pocket and I saw that it was an email from a client. My face dead panned. With everything going on I had completely forgotten about work. I had two days to redesign an entire website for Mr. Smith. V took notice of my face and became concerned. "What's wrong? Is it Alex or something?" I shook my head and gave a small laugh.

"No I just kinda forgot about work and now I have two days to redesign a whole website. I really hate to do this but I'm gonna be busy for a bit. I'll get as much done as I can before dinner. Feel free to watch TV or read. The whole wall behind the couch is book shelves. I'm sorry I can't spend the day with you." It felt like I was ditching V but it couldn't be helped. Mr. Smith was my biggest client. V walked over and kissed my forehead.

"It's fine MC. Your work is important so take your time. I'll be fine relaxing for the day, just don't over work yourself." He patted my head and I smiled at him. I watched as he walked out of the kitchen and into the living room. As soon as I saw that he was settled in with a book I headed to my office and began to work.

#20 seconds of bravery #20sob #v x mc #mystic messenger #my writiting #fan fiction #20sob ch 8

[banjodanger]

X-Men 3:The Last Stand(2006). This Is The Worst One, Right?

Wow.

Like, this was bad. I knew it was going to be bad, like over the years when I revisited this movie it got worse. It was never as good as it was seeing it in the theatre, I knew that. I told myself this. But I was not prepared for how much my opinion would change.

I’m going to tear this movie apart pretty hard, but I’m going to be mature and admit that there were parts of this movie I liked, and that I thought worked, because there were things I enjoyed. I’m examining movies and not just shitting on them.

First off, Beast really struck a nostalgia chord with me. I’m not saying Kelsey Grammar turns in an Oscar-worthy performance, but man it touched that little kid part of my brain that used to light up when I watched the nineties cartoon. If you told me they ripped his character off of old episodes of Cheers, I’d believe you. The speech patterns, his mannerisms, every time he was on screen I was enjoying it. Nicholas Hoult is a great actor and he really made the character his own, but this Beast is ripped straight from the comics and it was a delight.

You know, in a dumb way, I enjoyed Vinnie Jones too, but in a different way. I don’t think he was a good Juggernaut, but he’s a specific actor who plays a specific role and I don’t think he tries to stretch beyond that. So this is basically Bullet-Tooth Tony running around smashing shit up. If it sounds like I’m struggling to find things to compliment, well, I am. But I’m nothing if not a raging masochist so let’s try for one more.

This film is called The Last Stand, and I don’t think this film lives up to that title, even a little. However, it does a pretty fair job of changing the team. Xavier and Cyclops are dead, Magneto, Rogue, and Mystique are all depowered, so in chronological order it sure looks like, whatever happens in the next movie, it’s going to be a different team and a different villain.

I guess if this post has a theme, it’s that time makes fools of us all.

There’s a lot wrong with this movie. That Juggernaut meme line, the way this movie introduces characters just to forget about them(go ahead, tell me how this movie would be any different without Angel.), the lab on Alcatraz. The X-men defend people that tried to cure them and then...nothing? There’s never a teaching moment, unless you count Angel saving his dad which...no. That’s not a teaching moment, the film practically treats this cure as a good thing. They’re keeping a mutant child under lock and key, distilling his power through god knows what means, and somehow they’re not the villains of this film. We’re just supposed to assume they stopped processing it, because now Leech is smiling next to Kitty instead of locked in what’s arguably a kinda rad room. Where the fuck did they get him? Is he an employee’s kid? They’re cool turning their kid out into a lab rat? I guess it doesn’t matter if they want that employee-sponsored health insurance.

Quick side-note, capitalism is destroying us all.

But what’s taking me so long to get at is I was struggling with this blog post for a while. I know this movie hates women. I’m not holding myself up as a paragon of feminism, not even close. I have a lot to learn and unlearn. But I think it is painfully clear that this movie treats just about every woman in this flick poorly. Take a gander.

Rogue: Despite that very emotional speech from Wolverine, Rogue takes that cure for a boy. She leaves after watching Bobby skate with Kitty, and he’s the first person she sees after she’s cured.

Kitty: Jesus, this movie might as well put a red A on everything she wears. She openly flirts with Bobby in front of Rogue, she argues for mutants being above morality with Xavier. Kitty Pryde in this movie is never anything more than a romantic rival. Oh, and I guess she gets called a bitch by Juggernaut. So there’s that.

Mystique: Here is a character that believes in mutant supremacy one hundred percent, she might even believe it more than Magneto. Her own family hated her so much they tried to kill her. She is a mutant and that is a huge part of her identity. It’s why she’s followed Magneto for years. She even takes a bullet(dart?) for the guy, and he thanks her by tossing her aside like garbage. He leves her naked and alone on a hijacked prison convoy and at least ten dead cops. So she wants revenge, and you know what? That’s absolutely in character, Mystique is not one to turn the other cheek, of course she’d go over and help the X-Men, they preach working with humans and surely they’d have sympathy-oh, she decides to work with the people that locked her up? The ones that arguably hold heavy responsibility for her current predicament? Well, that’s a decision too.

So this all leads us to Jean Grey. The Phoenix. They’ve been building up this transformation since the first movie. This is a plot that has been building up for six years. And this movie almost completely disregards it.

After Jean destroys her childhood home, a weird decision that I think only appears in this movie as a callback to the comics, or maybe because someone didn’t have enough confidence in that opening scene. She basically disappears until the movie is done cramming the cure plot down our throats. She threatens Magneto with a cure gun and Wolverine pays her a visit while apparently traveling across the entire contiguous United States in thirty minutes. Which is weird, because if the Phoenix is all “Pain and rage” like Xavier, then the wholesale slaughter that occurs directly in front of her should be driving her nuts. Hundreds of people are killed or depowered in front of her and her reaction is like watching paint dry. Just for the record, her reaction to making out with Cyclops is to evaporate all the water in a lake and disintegrate a human being. Her reaction to the collective agony of hundreds of humans and mutants and ripping up a major landmark is to wonder what is taking McDonalds so long to make a Big Mac. Her meltdown is literally timed to happen directly after Magneto is out of the way and Leech is safe.

But while all that is bad, and shows some definite plot holes, unfamiliarity with the source material, and maybe a knowledge that this movie was going to hit number one at the box office if they just filmed Hugh Jackman reading Wolverine fanfiction. But after giving this movie some thought, I realized what was really bothering me about this movie as a whole, but Jean Grey in particular.

Ok, so the whole thing about these X-Men movies up to this point is that they’re grounded in reality. They don’t wear colorful costumes and they call each other by their real names. They don’t have superhero names, they have nicknames. And, unlike the X-Men of the comic books, they don’t go to outer space. So it makes sense that they’re not going to make the Phoenix an immortal space bird from beyond the stars. Phoenix doesn’t eat planets in this movie, and honestly that’s a good decision. After two movies that more or less take place in our reality, why would you introduce a bunch of fantastical elements all of a sudden(Asking you, Spider-Man 3)? The answer is, you don’t. You make the Phoenix another, higher manifestation of Jean’s powers. The next step in her evolutionary process.

But, by doing that, isn’t the Phoenix a mental illness?

Follow my logic, Jean is losing control of her powers. Her powers are mind-related. Jean Grey is losing her grip on her abilities and her grip on reality, and as a result is a danger to herself, her friends and family, and others. Jean needs help.

Or she needs a guy that has an unrequited crush on her to stab her in the abdomen.

That’s how this movie solves mental illness. Violence. No real attempt to help their friend, just Wolverine saying a line that wouldn’t be out of place in bad romantic poetry and then stabbing her. Because she asked him to. In the comics, she kills herself as a heroic sacrifice. In the movie, a man has to do it, because even though she might be the most powerful mutant on the planet, she’s still got two xx chromosomes and according to Brett Ratner that means she’s weak.

I could talk about all the ways this movie fails its characters but honestly I feel like I’ve typed enough. Fuck this movie. Bring on X-Men Origins because I refuse to believe it is any worse than this.

(For the record, if you or a friend is suffering from a mental illness, please get them help. Don’t call the cops, call a doctor or a trained mental health professional.)

#xmen xmenmovies x3 thelaststand moviecriticism mentalillness phoenix fuckbrettratner

[foursprouthappiness-blog]

The Toxic Reality Of Living In Diet Culture And Why I’m Doing My Best To Leave It Behind

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/happiness/the-toxic-reality-of-living-in-diet-culture-and-why-im-doing-my-best-to-leave-it-behind/

The Toxic Reality Of Living In Diet Culture And Why I’m Doing My Best To Leave It Behind

Element5 Digital / Unsplash

Diet culture, better known as the disastrous amalgamation of pop culture, media, pseudoscience, and social constructs we are all systemically smothered by, is something I’d like to break up with. I’ve read and researched the topic, follow all of the #riotsnotdiets accounts, and talk a big game about body positivity. But despite my progressive exterior I secretly worry that I can’t completely break up with this destructive system. While it’s easy for me to champion healthy body and food beliefs for other women, I have a much more difficult time following through for myself.

Diet culture is unquestionably toxic, but trying to untangle myself from its totality is complicated.

The holy trinity (body “positive” statements, diet talk, and believing that all foods have a moral value attached to them) of diet culture is difficult to get away from. Individually these aspects can disguise themselves as innocuous, and they thrive in every corner of modern life, which makes escaping them seem impossible. It doesn’t help that engaging in some of these holy trinity behaviors feel good and connects us to other women in a seemingly positive way.

Julie Klausner, creator of Difficult People, is a woman who has long expressed her separation from diet culture. On one episode of her podcast, How Was Your Week, she goes on a high energy tirade where she discusses how if you were to put two women in a room, one who has just earned her Ph.D. and another who has recently lost weight, that the women who lost weight will receive more acclaim and attention. Julie points out the idiocy in this and the sadness of its truth.

Last year I found myself in an adjacent situation where I had lost a decent amount of weight around the same time that I started working a new job. My weight loss was a side effect of a serious bout of depression and anxiety, and it wasn’t something I was actively chasing. For months, anytime I met up with friends or colleagues my new, slimmer figure was the first thing they would comment on, and it was clearly the thing that people were most excited to ask me about. Julie K’s hypothesized musing was right. My new job was a significant promotion in my field, and yet it was my weight that those around me wanted to discuss. I knew all the weight loss talk was feeding into long-held, toxic beliefs about women and our bodies, but I also recognized that it still felt good to hear. People used phrases to describe me physically like well-rested, glowing, and most importantly good and skinny. 

The words good and skinny are often heard together which has caused most of us to believe that skinny is good, and we all want to be good…and skinny.

While I had never felt more mentally drained and down in my life, I had also never received so much positive praise. The experience felt conflicting.

Losing weight has a hypnotic effect on others, especially women. People talk to you as if you know a secret and have accomplished a worthy feat. My diet at the time consisted of hardly eating and excessively working out in an attempt to boost my brains natural levels of serotonin/dopamine. During this time, I also developed a handful of mild irrational fears around meat, cheese, and processed food which likely occurred thanks to all the food shaming (vegan*) documentaries I was consuming on Netflix. At first, when questioned about my weight loss I would attempt a vague response like, “I’m just eating better and exercising more.” But after a while, I felt uncomfortable about being misleading.

I didn’t want to give truth to the deranged diet culture notion of simply eating better and exercising more equating to weight loss equating to a glowing appearance equating to a new job and better life.

Eventually, I mustered up a more truthful, “I just don’t eat a lot” or “depression,” which I would say adding a hard laugh. This laugh didn’t seem particularly helpful as people often looked uncomfortable upon hearing a closer version of the truth.

While giving out skinny compliments seems like a kind exchange, it’s just encouraging the cycle of placing ultimate value on our bodies. I know it’s tough, it feels good to get and give these compliments. I still accidentally tell women they look skinny as an automatic comment. It feels nice to make other people light up, and nothing does it as quickly as telling a woman she looks thin. Most people want to make their friends feel confident and happy, but we have to find better ways of doing it. I do think we should be able to compliment one another when we’re looking well rested and glowing, but maybe these adjectives don’t need to be so related to the actual skin in which we live.

As girls, I believe many of our first addictions were talking obsessively about diets and food. Some of my earliest memories of interacting with adult women as a child are sitting in the kitchen and talking about diets. Growing up my mom was a Weight Watchers discipline, and by age 12 I could rattle off the calorie count and point value to almost any food. Other neighborhood moms were impressed with my knowledge of points and calories and all things numerically related. Early on, I realized that talking about a diet was an essential part of being on a diet, and a great way to positively interact with other women.

As adult women, talking about food and diet continues to be one of the quickest ways to bond with one another. Food noise is something we all have in common.

I’ve yet to meet a woman who has never been affected by a cultural desire to lose weight and make her body “better.”

Diet talk is a quick way to connect and empathize with one another even though by doing so we are continuing to agree with the idea that your body is your value. While I try to not engage, I still get caught up in it at times because I worry that opting out completely will cast me out as a social pariah, and truthfully something about the chatter is addicting. The morning back to work after the winter holiday the first thing I asked my co-worker was, “What are you drinking? Are you on a new cleanse?” I couldn’t help myself, something inside of me desperately wanted to know. We then proceeded to talk about juice cleanses for 10 minutes before coming around to ask one another how our holiday vacations went.

Even more recently, I slipped up and found myself 20 minutes deep into a conversation about someone’s new life-altering diet at a family shiva. I sat with a plate full of bagel, kugel, and rainbow cake while a woman preached to me about the wonders of Keto. The woman explained how Keto focuses on our bodies natural ability to run solely on fats and proteins. Taking humiliating swallows of bagel and schmear, I actively listened as she continued rattling on about how since she started this new diet her body only needed to eat twice a day. The shame of eating more than two times a day immediately filled me.

The shame feels right though—it’s an essential part of diet talk. We want the shame. We hope the shame will force us to be good. While I know it’s not good for me, diet chatter does light up part of my brain sending out excessive levels of a pleasure chemical. Maybe it’s the learning part that feels good. Perhaps my brain thinks it’s about to gain novel, life alerting information that will bring an undiscovered happiness to my life.

Eating is one of the first behaviors we learn how to do on our own. It’s seemingly the simplest survival mechanism for humans.

1. Ingest food 2. Don’t die 3. Repeat.

We’ve managed to take this natural human need and turn it into an issue of morality.

The idea that food is good or bad is beyond damaging to our self-worth, and in recent years this trend has only been getting worse as we’ve started doing it to even the tiniest of our species, babies! Breast milk is better than formal milk, organic vegetables blended on a free-range farm are better than pre-packaged vegetable blends, etc. Cognitively I know food is just food, but emotionally it’s become impossible to feel that way. It feels like eating the good things means that I’m good. This thought is exacerbated by the fact that everything around me is telling me that this is true. Labels declare what is good and even worse what foods can be consumed guilt free. We are so accustomed to adding morals to food choices that we don’t even hear how psychotic it sounds when someone says, “I’m so bad I just ate ____” In fact, we usually agree with them and say how bad we are too. (If you need a reminder of how absurd this actually sounds watch this.)  

These days I’m trying my best to untangle myself from this food-self-worth mess by constantly reminding myself that food is just food and I’m attempting to disengage from diet chatter, but I still slip up and go back to my old ways like compulsively reconnecting with an ex. Even though I see that the totality is wrong, some parts of it feel right, and maybe I’m masochistic.

Walking out on diet culture is complicated. We live here. The damage of a system that values body type and food choices over personality is clearly detrimental and interferes with a million aspects of our lives. Somedays I imagine a time and place where my girlfriends and I have become so evolved that we eat without shame and talk about ourselves in a kinder way. Other days, I’m annoyed if no one tells me I look skinny because that stupid phrase is still feeding something insatiable inside of me.

I want to let go, but breaking up is hard to do.

#Happiness