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kristlewrites · 8 months

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“Baby I’m ready for take off”

CW: Cock Warming ,Chest Riding, Fluff(?), Poorly written smut, comfort(?) nicknames ( ma, mamas, papa, and baby)

PAIRING: Connie x Black!FemReader

WC: 0.9k

🫧🗯️: Test run post! Don’t judge🤒 ALSO! first time writing smut so if it’s bad i’m sorry, it’ll probably remain like that for a minute…(title is from a wayv song.. doesn’t have to do anything with the fic🪦🪦)

MINORS DNI

(take off!)

It's been a long day, long week even. School has been beating your ass with essays and finals..this was your only chance to relax. You enter connie's apartment around 6 pm, he wasn't there because he's also been busy but not with school. The team made it to regionals and the coach has been working the team the bone with drills everyday.

You use your key that he lent to you and make yourself at home, he lived off campus. You make your way into the shower and clean yourself up real quick and change into his pajamas, although a lot of your clothes is in his room, hell ! you even have your own drawer! But you love the way his clothes feels on you and his scent makes you feel safe. You were absolutely starving by the time you got dressed and decided to go order some food, wing-stop you finally decide you got yourself a 12 pc hot and lemon pepper with a side of fries and A sprite. When the food came around it was almost eight and Connie should be on his way home.

After you finished eating you cleaned up super quick and went to bed, connie showed up about an hour later. He knew you were here but seeing you in his sheets and pjs made his heart falter. He went in the shower quickly and joined you in bed. He tried his best not to make any noise but regardless you still woke up

"Sorry ma, didn't mean to wake you up"

he said so gentle,

"how are you? I'm sorry I came home late.. i didn't expect coach to keep us so long"

he caressed your cheeks trying to get you back to sleep. You looked up at his beautiful freckled face, you missed him so much you guys havent been able to see each other at all this week with being so occupied with your own personal activities and affairs. Small tears stream from your eyes, he wipes them away with such care and delicacy.

"I know, I know ive missed you too, baby"

You turn towards to him and indulge into his chest , he's not wearing a shirt which is normal since he gets really sweaty at night (😭😭🪦🪦🪦) you start talking about the events that happened that week, how your essay went, how you absolutely failed your stats test, new books you bought, girl drama, and how stressful it's been for you. He nods occasionally and throws in a couple of "mhms" to let yk that he's still listening. This goes on for about an hour and at this point you're just rambling, but connie understands how much you love to talk and let's you continue without complaint, that is until you ask him about his week and what he's done.

At this point he's practically knocked out.

"Hah, What was that baby what did you say??" he said a little bit groggy

You repeat your question, but while you do you see that he's HARD??? No way this man was hard from just hearing you talk.But then he must've been backed up from this whole week because of how rarely he saw you or had anytime for himself. When you think about it has been a while since y'all had sex, because of how seldom it's been to even talk to him on the phone

"Hey con.. You're hard, how long has it been?" you ask while playing with his nipples. (🪦🪦🪦)

"Baby you don't even understand how much i've missed you..c'mere" He pulls you closer to his penis.

Slowly he removes his pants and boxers, revealing his hard leaking cock.. good lord it was so much prettier than you remember. You slowly enter his dick into your hole, surprised by how wet you were.

"Be careful mamas I could jizz into you at any point" you laughed at his choice of words, it was clear that he hasn't been relived in awhile..and while you were also tired doesn't mean you could at least help him out!!?? and you were on the pill so that should count for something..right??? Continuing you grab ahold of his tip and insert it, until fully seethed into your pussy. It felt so good, you grabbed his hand and placed it on your stomach showing him where his dick is. That really pushed him over and sprayed your pussy through and through. your poor baby he was so sensitive. You guys stayed like that until morning.

Waking up, you find yourself looking at connie sleeping so soundly and peacefully. You reach for your phone but feel restricted once you've realized the man got a whole ass dick in you. omggg

"Baby wake up" you whisper yell, tapping his chest. you roam your fingers on along his abs, a few seconds later connie shifts a little bit to remove his cock from you and lifts you up and places you down on his chest. This all happens so quick that u immediately shiver, with your wet slicky pussy on top of his chest he begins move you up and down while his dick teases at your ass crack. Your nails dig into his abdomen while you grind your silky pussy over his abs. Connie's hands take pleasure in your tits while they bounce up and down, twisting and turning you nipples putting you into over drive. Your cum glazes over his abs, you panting hard. First thing in the morning... You rest your head on his chest finding his heart beat while he rubs your head calming you down.

"I love you ma" he whispers, he feels your smile into his chest and laughs a bit. He raises your head, "did you hear what I said?" He leans in for a kiss and you return it. "I love you too papa"

(Think of this as a soft launch ijbol)🫧🗯️

#Kristlewrites🫧🗯️#black reader smut #connie springer x black reader #aot x black reader #connie springer x black reader smut #connie springer smut #connie x black reader smut #aot connie #smut #aot fanfiction #fanfic #fluff #black writers

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arks-self-ship · 4 years

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(mini vent in tags, feel free to ignore)

#im... so tired #and that may be because its 'fuck off' levels of early in the morning and i havent slept yet #but im just... tired of being tired all. the. time.#i just want to be able to go to sleep and wake up without immediately wanting to go back to sleep #im so tired...#i wish my F/O could just fix whatever about me makes me so exhausted by sweeping me up and taking me away ;;#noah•just shut up #also ive been busy lately i havent been able to write anything #and nothing really happens in my life so i dont have any new ideas #everyday is just everyday #and all daydreams have just been to specific and rely so much on built up AU nonsense that im not gonna write them out #and they wouldnt work as imagines #idk maybe ill start doing some again soon #i might try shorter ones cause i have some ideas but no energy to make them long...#i do have some doodles queue'd for tomorrow tho

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cohldhands · 5 years

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the universe is definitely testing me today.......

#personal #i slept through my alarm so i was an hour late to work #i havent even had coffee yet #its absolute hell at work #im hungry #im tired #i also fee like no one gives an absolute damn about me or anything i have to say or how i feel #i havent been able to write bc ive been busy or tired and i just...... aogh #sigh

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artificialashley · 3 years

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Top Five taywhora fics 👀❤

Okay so I managed to return to Uni after Easter without my laptop charger and we all know what tumblr mobile is like so sorry this answer is so late!! This is such a fun ask and I wish Id been able to answer it on my night home alone (ps im still third wheeling a week later someone help me)

(also the degree part of getting a degree is actually feeling real rn so i honestly havent read that many taywhora fics?? im such a bad fan but ive honestly been busy so if youre an author seeing this and i havent said you i probs havent read it yet or if i have said you and havent left you a comment then sorry...if anyone has recs send them in xoxo)

- Me and You Together and I Don’t Know How I Know (But I Know) by Ortega // part of me wants to say ‘well you see the author, this doesnt need any explaining’ because we all know that ortega is such a legend but i want to stress that every single thing she churns out is perfect in its own way and these fics are no different. me and you together is incredibly relatable, just a joy to read and i LOVE how it plays with chronology?? its so clever. and the teachers au was so sweet and soft and made me feel really happy when i read it so thats on this list too - i will be going back to it whenever im sad.

- Down with the Recipe, Bake from the Heart by Juno // the way i grinned from ear to ear reading every single line of this fic and its only 4 chapters in (well 5 now but i havent read the latest one yet)??? i need to go back through and leave some detailed comments because the whole thing is golden. im obsessed with all the niche british references and also the way that little snippets of canon and speech are entwined perfectly into the au. despite being the same each chapter, the format never seems repetitive or boring and each chapter i was so excited to see how tayce and awhora would interact. its amazing

(honourable mention for Juno’s other fic Chase the Shadows Away too as it was also super cute and although i dont normally want my escape from the awful things going on in the world to relate to said awful things, I gave it a read because of how much i loved bake off and im so glad i did!! it made me feel nice and warm and reminded me that we can still fall in love despite the pandini!!)

- Something More by pureCAMP // again i havent had time to leave a comment about this but i loved it sooooo much. as a girl group fan (and someone whos tiktok has decided to show them band memeber dating conspiracy theories every day for some unknown reason) this fic was right up my alley and it delivered. one minute I was laughing at lawrence roasting the government and the next i was in awe at awhora wanting to wipe tayce’s smile off her face with her lips. plus the background Diamond Chaney was super cute!

- Don’t Just Stand There Staring Honey (Try to Move Your Feet) by Pinkgrapefruit // again this is another fic that plays with chronology/flashbacks which is something I love and it did it so perfectly, blending them into modern day so that i really got to know tayce and awhora. theres singing in the car to taylor swift (ps grapefruit if you see this i will read folklore eventually), playstation and slow dancing - what more could you want from a pair of not totally useless lesbians???

Honourable mentions to Just Below the Surface by Phryne which is super cute and funny and i think you should know (im thinking of you) by zyan which lives in my head rent free to the point where i asked someone to write it ahhaha. its 2am and im tired but just know i have love for these too! and everyone whose ever wrote taywhora even if i havent read it...

ask me my top 5 anything!!

#fic recs #ask game #ashley chats shite #sorry to the discord gang if your fics arent on here #its not personal lol blame the law degree #top 5 #fic rec #big fat fic rec

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abrakophile · 3 years

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I was looking through a bunch of junk and found some letters from my dad when he was in the army. I’m afraid I'll accidently toss them, so maybe I’ll put them here?

OPs Name JUNE 02 03

I LOVE YOU

THIS IS MY NAME IN KURDISH

*my dad wrote his first and last name, and under it, in Kurdish*

ILL TRY AND FIND OUT HOW TO WRITE YOUR NAME AND MOMS TOO.

ITS STILL HOT. I WORK AND READ BOOKS TO PASS THE TIME AWAY.

HOW ARE YOU DOING? GOOD I HOPE. WHAT DO YOU DO FOR FUN? DO YOU EVER HANG OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS? TELL THEM I SAID “WASSUP?” NAH, DONT TELL THEM. TELL ME WHAT YOUR THINKING. I’M TRYING TO SEND YOU SOME MORE OF MY DRAWINGS. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DRAW YOU? DID YOU LIKE THE DRAWING I SENT YOU OF YOU NAME? ITS ALRIGHT IF YOU DIDNY. JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU DO WANT ME TO DRAW YOU.

(Flip Page)

THIS IS WEIRD! (The page does not have lines on the left side of it) i WONDER WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS PIECE OF PAPER. HaHa

I MISS YOU ALOT. PLEASE SOND ME SOME MORE OF YOUR DRAWINGS, YOU CAN DRAW ME ANYTHING YOU WANT TO.

ARE YOU BEING GOOD FOR YOUR MOM? ITS NICE IF YOU HELP HER OUT WHILE I’M AWAY.

HAVE YOU BEEN ANYPLACE NEW? HOW IS SCHOOL GOING FOR YOU? IS MOMMY GOING TO SCHOOL? I KNOW I WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL WHEN I GET BACK. HOPEFULLY I GET THE CHANCE TO LEARN EVERYTHING THAT THERE IS TO KNOW. THAT WOULD BE GREAT.

ALSO, ID LIKE TO DO SOME FISHING? HOW ABOUT YOU? I GUESS ILL END HERE. BE GOOD AND STAY IN SCHOOL. AND JUST SAY NO TO DRUGS.

THEYRE BAD.

I LIVE YOU OP

*hearts and x’s* DADDY

---

(I don’t know if all these pages are in order or if it’s missing any, but this was the letter in the same stack as the last but this one was for my mom. In some places his indents indicate passage of time.)

I HAVENT HAD ANY TIME TO WRITE SINCE WEVE BEEN ON THE ROAD, NOT TO MENTION THAT WE CAN’T SEND MAIL WHEN WE’RE MOVING ALL THE TIME.

WEVE BEEN ON THE ROAD FOR ABOUT FIVE OR SIX DAYS, I HAVENT REALLY BEEN COUNTING. I KNOW I TOLD YOU THAT WE’D BE IN KUWAIT FOR A WHILE, BUT THAT WAS SO YOU WOULDNT BE WORRIED. I’M GOING TO KEEP THIS LETTER THOUGH, TILL I GET HOME.

ABOUT TWO NIGHTS AGO, WE DROVE THROUGH BAGDHAD, SOMEBODY SAID THAT THERE WERE PILED BODIES, I DONT KNOW IF IT WAS TRUE.

AND I GUESS YESTERDAY, A COUPLE OF PEOPLE SAID THEY SAW A MISSILE OR SOEMTHING SHOT AT US. I WAS TRYING TO FIX A TRUCK SO I DIDNT SEE IT.

ITS NOT AS DUSTY HERE IN IRAQ. IT REMINDS ME OF THE CONVOYS IN KOREA.

MOST OF THE PEOPLE WILL WAVE “HI”. SOME OTHERS DONT.

I SAW A KID OPEN HIS HAND ONCE WHILE MOVING, AND IT SAID “BUSH” THAT WAS KIND OF COOL.

OH YEAH. HERES A STORY. WHILE OUT DOING A MISSION, ONE OF OUR “BRADLEY” TANKS FIRED ON AN ENEMY AMMO TRUCK AND CLIPPED A KID. THE ROUNDS BLEW ONE OF HIS LEGS OFF AND SOME OF THE OTHER, FROM THE KNEE DOWN. SO THE MEDICS PICKED HIM UP AND BROUGHT HIM TO OUR RECONCOLIDATING POINT FOR MEDICAL TREATMENT. I GUESS HE EVENTUALLY DIED FROM LOSS OF BLOOD THE NEXT NIGHT AND YESTERDAY THEY TOOK HIM OUT AND BURIED HIM.

ALSO WE PICKED UP ABOUT 25-30 P.O.W.s AND SENT THEM SOUTH.

IT GETS PRETTY COLD AT NIGHT. AND THE DAY’S ARE VERY HOT.

SINCE WE LEFT KUWAIT ITS BEEN ME AND MENDOZA IN THE FIVE TON WRECKER AND I HAVE TO ADMIT THAT ITS BEEN EXCITING. WE KEPT GETTING SEPERATED FROM THE CONVOY AND BREAKING DOWN. BUT I THINK THAT WERE BETTER NOW. HOPEFULLY.

IM STILL WAITING TO BE AMBUSHED TO MAKE ALL THIS SEEM REAL TO ME. A PART OF ME WANTS IT AND ANOTHER DOESNT.

AND IT SEEMS LIKE ONLY OUR UNIT HAS TO STAY IN UNIFORM, EVERYONE ELSE WEARS T-SHIRTS AND BANDENA’S AND RAGS ON THEIR HEAD

WERE STILL GOING NORTH. NOBODY KNOWS HOW LONG WE’LL STAY. ITS NOT THAT BAD HERE. MEANING, IT COULD BE WORSE.

I USED A “SHIT-CHAIR”. ITS JUST A METAL CHAIR WITH A HOLE CUT IN THE MIDDLE AND THE SEAT FROM A TOILET BOLTED TO IT, GROSS.

HELICOPTERS CAN BE HEARD ALL DAY AND NIGHT. I GOT TO SEE THEM DROP BOMBS ALL DAY ABOUT 3 DAYS AGO, FROM A DISTANCE OF COURSE.

ILL BE DRIVING AGAIN, IN A MINUTE. PROBABLY RE-FUEL AND BACK ON THE ROAD AGAIN. IM ENJOYING IT.

I HAVE 8 MAGAZINES FULL OF ROUNDS. NO GRENADES, BUT I LIKE IT LIKE THAT.

SOMETIMES IT SMELLS LIKE SHIT.

I GUESS ILL END IT HERE FOR NOW

I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU TWO TWICE IF NOT THRICE AS MUCH AS YOU MIGHT MISS ME TOO.

HELLO AGAIN. WERE SOMEWHERE NEAR TIKRI + MOSUL. YESTERDAY, ME + MENDOZA WENT LOOKING FOR MOMENTO’S. WE BROKE A LOCK TO A NEAR BY BUNKER AND FOUND 6 A.K.47s! BUT ON OUR WAY BACK TO TURN THEM IN, MAJOR TATU GOT THEM FROM US. I WAS SO PISSED. BUT I GOT A GAS MASK w/ FILTER, A FULL MAGAZINE CLIP FROM ONE OF THE A.K.s AND A BERET WITH IRAQ 1 RANK ON IT.

I MADE A STENCIL FOR THE TRUCK WERE RIDING IN. ITS CALLED THE “GAMBLER.” YESTERDAY MENDOZA DROVE, SO TODAY ILL BE DRIVING.

IM NOT POSITIVE, BUT, I THINK WERE GOING TO TURKEY. NIETO SAYS THAT HE OVERHEARD SOMEBODY FROM S1 (or SI, I’m not sure) SAYING WE MIGHT GET PAID EXTRA FOR GOING THROUGH BAGHDAD.

I THINK NIETO’S MAD AT ME. CANT EXPLAIN WHY. MAYBE ITS BECAUSE IM RIDING WITH MENDOZA AND HE DOESNT LIKE MENDOZA TOO MUCH. OH WELL, WHATEVER REASON, HOPE THINGS GET NORMAL AGAIN. HAVE TO GO,

*hearts and xs*

TODAY IS THE 25th OF APRIL, I RECEIVED FIVE OR SIX (OR SEVEN) LETTERS YESTERDAY. THE LATEST WAS DATED 07 OF APRIL. THAT TELLS ME THAT ITS GOING TO TAKE A WHILE TO COMMUNICATE.

WE HAVENT RECEIVED MAIL BECAUSE WEVE BEEN MOVING NEVER STAYING IN ONE PLACE MORE THAN A DAY, OR TWO, UNTIL NOW. WE’VE BEEN IN THIS SPOT GOING ON FOUR DAYS TOMORROW?!

GIVE ME A MINUTE...

FOR THE LAST COUPLE OF DAYS IVE BEEN HELPING MENDOZA PULL THE ENGINE OUT OF A 5 TON TRUCK AND SWITCH IT w/ ANOTHER ONE. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN EASY BUT THE FLY WHEEL SEIZED UP INSIDE THE BELL HOUSING. ITS FINISHED NOW AND THE RUMOR IS WE’RE LEAVING (OR MOVING) AGAIN TOMORROW.

ITS 10:33 THURSDAY MORNING. YOUR TIME IS 12:32 JUST TURNING THURSDAY.

I ALMOST CRYED WHEN I SAW ELIS PICTURE. I REALLY MISS BOTH OF YOU. LET ME BACK TO BEFORE I GOT DISTRACTED. I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO SEND MAIL BECAUSE WE’VE BEEN MOVING. BUT I GUESS THAT WHATEVER THREAT THERE WAS (IF ANY), ISNT SO THREATFUL ANYMORE, WE CAN START RECEIVING AND SENDING MAIL. NO PHONE TO CALL FROM, AND NO INTERNET TO E-MAIL FROM.

THE WHOLE UNIT IS SCATTERED, SO EVEN IF I GET WHAT YOU NEED IT’LL TAKE FOREVER TO GET IT TO YOU. LET ME PULL THOSE LETTERS BACK OUT. OH WAIT. I DID LAUNDRY AND SOME UNDERWEAR THATS DRY, FELT HARD, OH WELL, WAIT A SECOND, K

I HAD TO FOLD SOME T-SHIRTS. ALL MY SOCKS ARE STILL DAMP.

YOU CAN USE MY CONTRACT TO SHOW THAT I ENLISTED IN TEXAS AND HOWS THIS

*On a separate sheet my dad wrote a detailed note for my mom to give to someone to confirm that he did want to buy a house. He writes “I AM ALIVE AND WELL.” and “PLEASE ACCEPT THIS PAPER”, then he signed it with his scribble signature, and underneath it wrote his name in print and added “1st SQUADRON 10th CAVALRY HEADQUARTERS TROOP (I have no clue what this means)*

HOW’S THAT? HOPE I SPELLED EVERYTHING CORRECTLY. IM ALMOST READY WITH A DESIGN TO COVER THE OTHER TATTOOS ON MY LEFT FOREARM.

I JUST FINISHED LOOKING OVER ALL THOSE LETTERS YOU SENT FOR ME

IM BACK! I GOT SLEEPY SO I TRYED TO LAY DOWN FOR A LITTLE BIT. NO SLEEP. I DONT THINK. I DIDNT HAVE ENOUGH WATER TO WASH MY DCV’S AND A PAIR OF BDV’S. BESIDES FOR DRINKING WATER, BUT WE HAVE TO CONSERVE IT.

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THE RUMORS. TOMORROW WE’LL BE LEAVING FOR THE IRAN/IRAQ BORDER TO DO “PEACE KEEPING” FOR 3 TO 6 mths. OTHERS SAY THAT THE 4ID (i think is what this says) GENERAL WANTS TO KEEP US HERE TILL NOV., THATS WHEN 1 CAV WILL COME TO REPLACE US. WHILE OTHERS SAY WE MIGHT LEAVE BY JUNE. NOTHINGS FOR SURE.

SMALLER RUMORS FLOATING AROUND THE SITE ARE; RAMSEY AND SFC BACON ARE SLEEPING TOGETHER. SGT SIREK HAS PLANS TO TAKE NIETO AS HIS APPRENTICE AND PADIWAN LEARNER OF THE DARK SIDE. LITTLE BLACK ARNOLD IS MILITARY INTELLIGENCE FOR SPECIAL FORCES OPERATING UNDER COVER A SURVEILLENCE AS PART OF

*the rest of the page is blank*

IM BACK. TODAY IS THE 27th. I GOT BACK TO THE LITTLE CAMP AREA ABOUT AN HOUR AND A HALF AGO. I LEFT YESTERDAY MORNING TO, WELL, AS PART OF DE-CON (DE-CONTAMINATION) MISSION. HERES THE INFORMATION THAT I GATHERED.

A SITE HAD BEEN FOUND THAT WAS THOUGHT TO HAVE CHEMICAL WEAPONS AND 1-10 WAS APPOINTED TO GO TO THE SITE AND DE-CON THE CIVILIANS THAT WERE GOING TO OPEN THEM. AS IT TURNS OUT THE CIVILIANS HAVE BEEN DE-LAYED AND WOULD BE SET BACK 1 DAY.

THE NBC TEAM THAT I WAS WITH WERENT PREPARED TO STAY OVER NIGHT AND AS FORCASTED BY SSG MINOR WE MIGHT HAVE HAD TO STAY 3 TO 4 DAYS. EVERYBODY WAS PISSED.

LATELY ITS BEEN GETTING REALLY COLD AT NIGHT AND WE JUST HAPPENED TO BE NEAR A RUNNING RIVER. SO THE, ITS ABOUT 9 O’CLOCK AND IM BEAT, NO SLEEPING BAG OR ANYTHING TO COVER UP WITH AND I DECIDE TO TRY AND SLEEP. I GET AS COMFORTABLE AS POSSIBLE AND I GET ATTACKED BY MOSQUITOS. NOW IM PISSED SO I DECIDED TO JUST TO STAY UP ALL NIGHT. ABOUT 10PM ONE OF THE HEMTT (this might just say “hemi”, I don’t know) FUELERS SHOWS UP AND SGT TORRES SAYS HE HAS EVERYBODYS SLEEPING BAG! THE SITES ABOUT 45 MINS AWAY AND THEY LEFT SOMETIME MID AFTERNOON TO GET OUR SHIT, I HATE THESE PEOPLE.

RIGHT NOW ITS 9:01 PM AND ITS 11:02 AM YOUR TIME. I MISS YOU.

RIGHT NOW IM GOING TO ADDRESS AN ENVELOPE AND HAVE IT READY TO SEND TOMMOROW THE 28th. IM SORRY IF IT SEEMS THAT IM NOT WRITING VERY OFTEN. FOR A WHILE WE COULDN’T. AND NOW THAT IT SEEMS WE MIGHT BE HERE A LITTLE WHILE, THEYVE KEPT ME REALLY BUSY. LET ME ADDRESS THE ENVELOPES (he drew a star here)

ALL DONE. I THOUGHT ABOUT THE HOUSE A LOT TODAY AND YESTERDAY. IM SURE BY THE TIME THIS LETTER REACHES YOU, YOU’LL HAVE EITHER GOTTEN IT OR GAVE IT UP. IM O.K. WITH EITHER DECISION YOUVE MADE.

YOUVE KEPT THIS FAMILY TOGETHER, AND THAT MAKES ME PROUD. YOUR SMART, ATTRACTIVE AND FUNNY. AND YOU DONT TAKE ANY SHIT FROM ANYBODY. I LOVE YOU.

I HOPE THAT OUR DAUGHTER TURNS OUT TO BE LIKE YOU.

I GUESS ILL MAIL THIS TOMORROW, FIRST THING, SO

EVER YOURS

EVER MINE

*my dad signed it with his scribble, and wrote his name under it. under that are hearts and x’s with my mom’s name and then my name under hers.*

#very personal but where the fuck am i gonna put them? you know where i kinda cant lose them?#letters from the guy that was my dad #pt 1 #long post

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wastelandlovingscenarios · 3 years

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unanswered asks~

this post is solely focused on asks [that are not requests/reacts] i haven’t been able to answer lately due to me being busy working on requests or just my personal life in general. if you know you sent me an ask, my reply to you will be under the cut! i didn’t want to leave anyone’s ask unanswered and if you don’t see yours under the cut, please resend them! i’d love to see what you have to say to me. thank you guys for continuing to support me. i love you guys very much! <3

i havent been very active during november so if you know you sent an ask to me during this month and never received a reply, it is more than likely down here! im so sorry about the wait, ive been insanely busy.

[ THERE IS ABUSE MENTIONED DOWN BELOW! PLEASE READ WITH CAUTION! ]

1. are asks still open for prompts?

yes! it is. :) it is open till further notice! <3

2. Not a request, just wanted your thoughts. Ok, imagine a soulmate au where when the SoSu finds Kellogg and they find out they’re soulmates at fort hagen. My friends say I’m fucked up for playing around with the idea but I think with a certain backstory it could work. Maybe if SoSu’s spouse was abusive it wouldn’t be bad. But also Kellogg was just doing a job and he’s not actually that bad of a person given his story. I just think it could be an interesting idea. What do you think?

- i think its a really good and interesting idea, as much as i dislike kellogg on my end! i dont find a lot of sosu/kellogg fics so i think its pretty amazing you want to write a story based on an soulmate au trope and if you do end up posting it, link it to me! i will be more than glad to read it. personally, i believe kellogg is really traumatized and broken from his past and doesnt know how to express nor heal from it. instead he allows his bitterness to seep through his actions which is probably why he does it with no care and little to no signs of sympathy. so, i dont personally believe he was always an asshole and does have a soft side to him like everyone else. of course, this does not excuse his actions but it does create character in some way shape or form and i think its great to work around and has the potential to form a really detailed and well thought plot. i think soles spouse also being abusive can also aid in the progression of the story. good luck with it and please do share it with us when you decide to do it! im very excited to see you work with this.

2. do you write for longfellow?

- sadly, not at the moment. i haven't been able to play the far harbor dlc to its full potential and i haven't recruited old longfellow as much as i should have. maybe when i do come around to finishing it, i will add old longfellow to the list!

3. Nuooo! No more sad man Danse! He needs some happiness too! Maybe after BB he developed some comradeship with a platoon of minutemen he could actually laugh and have a drink with. Find a new purpose in aiding and protecting fellow minutemen and their communities and families. Only people I can realistically see him being buddy-buddy with is either Struges, Preston or if you’re lucky the ex-BOS scribe that can be your armor merchant at your settlement. Dude NEEDS an emotional support system!

- UGH, you are so right! danse deserves nothing but happiness post blind betrayal!! i do strongly believe hes recruited into the minutemen a little later after the events and is immediately accepted into the faction as family, regardless of his past actions. i like to think that he gets along with almost everyone and humbles down as an individual, eventually letting go the ideals of the BoS. the minutemen is truly his first step into another chapter of his life.

4. I hate you😜nah I’m totally kidding😁 I gotta reeeeeally try to find anything subjectively bad to say to you honestly🤔. You’re friendliness comes off naturally like you’re not trying too hard to cater to anyone. You come off as genuine enough to just enjoy the fandom and the interactions you have with fans is very refreshing and inviting🥰. It’s always a pleasure to have some fun banter about a video game series we all love among each other as fans.💕

- THIS GENUINELY MADE ME SMILE!! im glad i dont come off as too rude of unfriendly to others and its reassuring to hear that! i try to be as nice as i can to everyone and im always happy to interact with anyone in the fandom so dont afraid to shoot me an ask or message. thank you for your message anon and please have an amazing day! i appreciate you! <3

5. your writing is amazing and super comforting and I love the work you do and you and you're wonderful 💖💖💖

- youre more wonderful and amazing! thank you for supporting my writing and continuing to read my works! im glad i can provide you guys with content that is comforting and i hope i continue to do so. <3 please have a wonderful day, anon and i appreciate you so much! <3

6. I’m actually a little jealous of you😖. You seem to have so much going on in your personal life yet still have time to have a little fun in the fallout fandom. You’re 19 now right? Ugh and yet you’re doing more in life than what I was doing at that age😞. It’s rather inspiring really, tho’ I’m a little envious I still wish you the best in all your future endeavors. Good luck and take care!❤️

- don’t be jealous, please. everyone moves at their own pace and thats perfectly fine! take your time and you will get where you want to be in no time. im 18 and im still trying to figure out my life day by day and lets be honest.. i wing it 99% of the time, LOL. im more than certain you will achieve a lot in your lifetime and i will be wishing you nothing but happiness and success! please take care and don’t be hard on yourself! good luck. <3

#asks #sweet anons #kellogg #sole survivor #tw: abuse #abuse

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penzyroamin · 3 years

Note

Food and sharing food continues to be a recurring motif in “tied together”. What was your thought process around that? How do you see that connecting to some of the central themes and concepts in the story as a whole? (And, if you would like to go into this, how do you see food and sharing food playing out in the messy au where David will also be cooking but in a completely different context/power dynamic?)

HAHAHAHA! I CAN FINALLY TALK ABT THIS WITHOUT SEEMING LIKE F SCOTT FITZGERALD BEGGING PEOPLE TO KNOW WHAT THE GREAT GATSBY WAS!!!!!

okay. im calm now.

so for a couple years now i have deeply and secretly loved the concept of food as a symbol for community. i didnt use it in fic for a long time for a variety of reasons. one, it just never really felt right. two, my love of this symbol is very much connected to my southern-ness, and while im sure many people have just as strong, if not stronger connections between food and community, i didnt really know if people reading my stuff would Get It or connect w it.

i finally decided to use it for tied together for two reasons. first, this is my most definitively southern fic. ive written other fics with Humid Small Town Energy but this is my first that i really let myself go “fuck it. crawfish boils. hurricanes. middle aged women with crushes on jim cantore.” as such, it felt like if i was going to go for this symbol at any point, it needed to be with this fic. the second is that due to Pandemic and also living across the country from the majority of the family i grew up with, i have been kind of starved of community experiences as of late. i wrote tied together entirely during a period when i havent spent time with anyone besides my immediate family, so i was really thinking about community and the nature of it and how fucking badly i wanna have a massive meal with people and hence... this symbol

with the background of my decision to include it covered, let’s get into how it appears in tied together!!

in chapter one, the majority of food’s appearances are... impersonal, if that makes sense? its all premade, whether its drive-through stuff, tv dinners, etc etc, and he doesnt know the person who made it. its also worth pointing out that around the time jack and his mom stop sharing meals is the point they become disconnected from each other. essentially, that’s the disconnect from community throughout jack’s early life

davey comes around and it. is pretty obvious from the start that, through this symbol, he is the Literal Embodiment Of Connection To The People Around Him. food was a really key way for me to show just how connected he is to his community-- he’s constantly cooking for other people, working for battalion, helping people get good food, contributing recipes to little cookbooks. the end chapter also nods to this in the scene w his family where esther mentions he made her teach him to cook for a group, and the conversation afterwards where he mentions that he wouldn’t be comfortable with people paying him to make them food or making food for strangers. cooking for other people is essentially davey’s way of nurturing the community around him and becoming closer with people, so to make food in an impersonal way goes against everything he knows about food and sharing it. the interactions he has through food represent the larger relationships and interactions he has within his community. juxtaposed to jack, he’s built this little world around him filled with people that he loves and cares for, even if that does lay a heavy burden on him at points. if i ever write something delving deeper into davey in this au, i’ll elaborate further-- but, essentially, davey’s role as The Provider of food for the people around him was a real stand-in for the way that he feels both within his family and his larger community.

think of it this way-- in all the scenes we see with davey cooking at a large event-- i.e., the crawfish boil-- he’s always pushed off to the side by that. there’s usually someone talking to him or checking in on the food, but he’s not able to be engaged in the larger hubbub and discussion of the party because he’s busy. it’s in providing food for people and sharing that with him that he gets fulfillment out of the experience. in his family, we see that davey is a little bit isolated. he was growing up at the exact time when mayer’s alcoholism was getting worse and hitting its peak, and he left before mayer ever really managed to get very far into recovery. his time in their house, essentially, was a lot of heavy lifting and few moments of solidarity and joy. he loves his family, of course, it’s just a very labor-intensive process. and then, of course, he has a similar experience to what a lot of southern marginalized people feel-- this intense need to care for and better your community when your community very frequently doesn’t care for you. davey has absolutely zero capacity for apathy in this au, and it definitely shines through with this whole dynamic. he works SO HARD to care for people, even if he isnt always able to fully enjoy being around them and being loved by them

and then, of course, you have the way davey and jack interact through this motif-- davey teaches jack how to cook, gives him a cookbook, invites him over for meals, etc etc. sharing that with him essentially represents welcoming jack into his community as a whole, and giving him a place there. jack mentions davey “clearing a spot at the table” for him, and that’s both literal and figurative.

additionally, while davey uses food as a way to bring jack into his community, jack also makes davey a little less isolated. in a lot of the scenes in chapter 5, theyre cooking together, in a very domestic, symbiotic sort of way. i wanted this to demonstrate how jack relieves some of the burden davey puts on himself and exists sort of Within davey’s bubble rather than just reaping the benefits

i also wanted to illustrate with this how jack repairing his relationship w food keys into this. obviously we have the disconnect that he has early on where his unfamiliarity w what he eats and who makes it represents a larger disconnect between him and the people around him, but jack does also absolutely use food as a coping mechanism and a crutch. not to get, again, TOTALLY gatsby here, but he’s chasing that sense of community and belonging and understanding in the wrong places. it’s once he begins to actually make food for himself and understand the process of it and be able to carry something through to completion that he’s able to actually Enjoy food, yknow? i wanted that to mirror the way throughout the earlier parts of his life that he tried to kind of slap up temporary relationships and make do with that.

side note about jack and food: jack has undiagnosed adhd (and some vague comorbidities rip) in this au, and his experiences with it i preeeetttty heavily lifted from my life and my special brand of fucked in the head. (for those of you who don’t know, carb and sugar cravings are a symptom of adhd, hence why food is often a coping mechanism for us fhskdhs). cooking and baking are processes that have REALLY helped me get a handle on myself-- it gives me an outlet for movement and stimulation, and its something that i can carry through till the end and get an actual end product that i can recognize and benefit from. plus, real time consequences if i let something do whatever for ten more minutes! so thats another element i added to the way that jack builds healthier coping mechanisms over time-- he moves away from food as a crutch and instead develops a new form of CREATING that gives him an outlet and a feeling of productivity

those are some Vague thoughts. i will probably elaborate in the future!

now, for the messy au, rather than food symbolizing community, i chose to have it represent vulnerability.

a quick review: jack married rich, and davey is jack’s new wife’s cook. on his wife, dorothy’s part, i wanted this to shine through in this squeaky clean, pristine image that a lot of rich people try to craft. she never cooks for herself, never pays much attention to davey, never draws attention to him. in essence, she is creating as few weak spots as possible-- she refuses to be vulnerable to the people and the society around her.

with davey, however, his and his family’s livelihood depends on him cooking for this woman, and later for her and her husband. he’s forced into this position of extreme vulnerability and weakness by his financial situation, and cant really regain his sense of privacy or self because of that. its also a point in this story that he has very little time or wherewithal to cook for his FAMILY. so, his job forces him into a vulnerable situation with complete strangers who hold an upper hand over him but denies him the opportunity to be vulnerable with his own family, only reinforcing this idea that he is the protector and the provider and as such cannot have weak spots and cannot, under any circumstances, break

it also really highlights the difference between jack’s relationship with his wife vs with davey and smalls-- all the scenes of he and dorothy eating together are in grand, fancy rooms, with a certain amount of pomp and circumstance and dignity attached. with davey and smalls, though, he’s usually in the kitchen, having conversation, enjoying their company, helping them with menial things. that’s an environment that he’s used to and comfortable with, the kind of relationships and interactions he grew up with, while the stuffiness of his life and interactions with dorothy are entirely less vulnerable and close

that’s just a brief overview, but its something to look for when i finally finish the fic! it definitely started as a very soapy sort of thing, but my damn instincts pushed me to delve deeper into the characters and their relationships and the fucked-up-ness of it all. so, here we are

i really hope this helped!!!! this is not organized AT ALL so please tell me if there’s anything else you wanted to know or any details you noticed

#holy FUCK is this long..#about writing #tied together #asks #thank u so much for giving me an excuse to positively SCREAM abt this

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thefeckisthis · 4 years

Text

being single and open relationship

hellooo lovely people. hope you are all well, sane and well fed. lately i did not write quite often, been reading a lot and gaming. life is not particularly interesting so there is not much going on.

even tho these are different times people still talk, chat and i’ve seen many guys making statuses how girls are not posting selfies now all the beauty salons are closed, making fun of them. well there are not many of you fuck boys around anymore either eh, hard to make some effort when you can’t ‘’score’’ and disappear? or you’re stuck with your girlfriends so its harder?

leave the girls alone, live your own life and mind your own business. even tho the number of fuck boys has drastically dropped, there are still people who make some effort and talk to other people. i’m not saying this only happened to me in the past few months, people keep asking me this all the time.

so why am i single?

im not super young anymore, im in that age where most of my generation is already married and are having their first or even second kid. not me tho, thank you but i’ll pass.

guys usually ask ‘’how can girl like you be single?’’... may i ask you, what kind of girl is that? i know they usually refer to the thing that im beautiful or good looking (in their words not mine) and i keep wondering what does someones looks have to do with someone being single or in relationship? does that mean everyone who is in relationships is beautiful or if youre beautiful you have to be in a relationship? someone please enlighten me. thank you.

on the other hand, some people think i still love some certain people and haven’t moved on emotionally and things like that and that is so not true. i dont have any ‘leftover’ feelings for anyone and i dont like anyone romantically at the moment (and on daily basis i dont like people in general, thats another story tho haha). someone being single for long time doesnt mean they cant get over someone from their past. i kind of pride myself on getting over people quicker than most people, that doesnt mean i cant develop feelings. i can, im just way more careful with that. also, that doesnt mean i never truly liked them (havent loved anyone in a very long time hahaha) its just i dont tend to dwell on it for long. that person is not in my life anymore, why would i spend more time thinking about them when it wont affect my present?

i close that chapter in my life and just move on. not meaning for it to sound as a sob story or trying to make people feel pity for me, every time i have had started to develop some feelings for someone it backfired. made me develop trust issues and i openly admit it. and every time it backfires at me it makes it slightly worse and worse and leaves scars and honestly makes me regret ever developing any feelings. it all developed in like a defense mechanism making me want to do it again less and less.

as ive said, this is not a sob story and im not looking for people to feel sad about me. that is definitely not the only reason why im single but it is a part of it.

i chose to be single. i love being single. i have grown to love myself so much that i dont require to be in a relationship to feel fulfilled or to feel ‘’whole’’. if you find someone you fall in love with that person should not be your second half because you are one whole on your own, that other person should be a beautiful addition to your life, not someone to fill in the gaps. and if you break up you should still be able to feel complete and happy. dont think i am in celibate or i dont meet people when im single. the amount of people thinking if youre single youre not having sex is ridiculous. like seriously people, it 2020, you dont have to get into relationship just to have sex. to think that in this era of fuckboys, internet dating and all that crap... cmon like

explanation is not my strong side so im sorry if i dont fully explain something. relationships and feelings for me are... good and bad. i like them and i dont like them. to me the concept of traditional relationship is like a cage. i dont have freedom (at least not the way i want) that i want, and all the ‘’obligations’’ (cant remember the term that would better explain it). sure, when you like/love someone you usually talk all the time, tell them what you do, where you go, but as an introvert sometimes i just want to shut the whole world out and be left alone for more than a day if that is how i feel. by nature im curious and love to explore, whether it is myself or the world around me and the traditional relationship ‘’wouldn’t allow’ that, its looked down on. why do you want to try something new if you already, lets put it this way, have someone by your side?

but like yes, surely that person can fulfill me both physically and emotionally, what if someone can add to it in a different way, why would i deny myself of that pleasure?

open relationship is something would be something that would be more of my liking. do i believe it is possible to love one person fully and still want to try something with other person? definitely yes. it would start probably as exclusive until the mutual trust and understanding is achieved then we can add to it. and yes, its adding to what we already have, not replacing, not changing, not cheating - adding. that absolutely doesnt mean that the main partner is not enough, its just expanding the current experience. i was in a serious relationship where i loved the person so much and i did mention the possibility of open relationship and it wasnt accepted well and no judgement, it is not for everyone, we all dont seek for same things.

humans are creatures with needs and i believe that satisfaction can come from different people in different ways and that doesnt diminish the value of primary partner. rather than always feeling caged and limited,‘’scared’’ and suppressing your needs, you get the freedom to explore, to broaden your horizons. open relationship is not same as cheating as long as both partners are aware of the nature of the relationship and mutually agree on that, at the end of the day you always end up with them.

dont get me wrong, im not out there actively looking for relationship, im just living in the moment. those kind of things happen on their own and should not be forced, and now days anything that is not according to some standard norms is looked down on. as well, i am perfectly happy on my own, i chose to be single and im loving it. im the main person for myself, i love myself and i am thriving. absolutely enjoying my life.

there are of course more reasons than these mentioned, if youre curious please do leave a question, dont be afraid! :D (my priorities in life are usually not focused on finding a partner)

if youre not happy on your own and with yourself, how are you happy in relationship? so dont go asking people why are they single and think they are sad because of it and feel sorry for them, people do not have same needs and wants in life like you do. at the end of the day, the person who you should be most mindful of is you, your thoughts and your life. make sure you are happy with yourself because that is the person you have to live with 24/7. and once you are happy with the person you are, then you wont have the need to ‘worry’ about the others,

#love #relationship #open relationship #happy #single #single life

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innaandtheunicorn · 4 years

Text

why am i single?

hellooo lovely people. hope you are all well, sane and well fed. lately i did not write quite often, been reading a lot and gaming. life is not particularly interesting so there is not much going on.

so why am i single?

im not super young anymore, im in that age where most of my generation is already married and are having their first or even second kid. not me tho, thank you but i’ll pass.

as ive said, this is not a sob story and im not looking for people to feel sad about me. that is definitely not the only reason why im single but it is a part of it.

but like yes, surely that person can fulfill me both physically and emotionally, what if someone can add to it in a different way, why would i deny myself of that pleasure?

i dont feel sad or lonely or of any less value than your average person just because im single, not at all. this also made me selfish in a way, i want all the experiences for myself and my enjoyment and i dont want to limit them to make someone else happy or secure. if youre not happy on your own and with yourself, how are you happy in relationship? so dont go asking people why are they single and think they are sad because of it and feel sorry for them, people do not have same needs and wants in life like you do. at the end of the day, the person who you should be most mindful of is you, your thoughts and your life. make sure you are happy with yourself because that is the person you have to live with 24/7. and once you are happy with the person you are, then you wont have the need to ‘worry’ about the others,

#love #open relationship #relationship #happy #love yourself #freedom #happiness

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joplayingjaks · 5 years

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i am not very active on social media lately except for liking stuff because ive had a lot going on and everything just feels overwhelming but hello im still alive

(long life update for venting purposes ope)

ive been in such a funk, anxiety and depression kickin my butt a lot lately but i still have some good days now and then. still on a low dose for meds and trying cbd oil and not seeing much improvement. nightmares are happening a little less but thats honestly because i smoke a bit and stay up until i physically cant stay awake any longer and pass out from exhaustion, so i guess ive just traded nightmares for insomnia again, hense me writing this at 4 am lol. i got a referral from my dr to check out a local clinic for therapy and a family member donated a bit to me to be able to afford a few appointments, but i have felt so stuck and busy that i havent gone and checked it out yet.

physical pain has been weird. at this point idk how much of it has to do with mental stuff and how much is caused by a physical issue. joint pain every day in my shoulders, elbows, hips, knees. pinched nerve in my elbow causing my hand and fingers to go numb, my dr pretty much said to just take more pain killers and hope it stops being irritated. i bought compression sleeves and they help a little bit, but its too hot to wear them rn in summer, especially at work. i told my mom that since she can afford it, she should get some genetic testing done for things like lupus and arthritis to see if we can figure this thing out, because the same symptoms affect her, her sisters, and her mom. she doesnt seem like she’s going to do it any time soon.

i still work at the pizza place, but im looking for anything else that will pay a bit more and hopefully be a little less stressful. one of my coworkers is unbearable to work with and shes decided she doesnt want to work on any of the days we need people but she also is complaining about not having enough hours. and shes mad that i got her hours and am training people now and that people tip me because im not an asshole to everyone. so the last two weeks ive been working both her and my shifts because she decided not to show up because she wanted to go to the fair and crap for the 4th. i doubt she’ll be fired or disciplined because shes pregnant and the company doesnt want to look bad by firing a pregnant chick. sorry, she just is so mean it gets me worked up... anyways, ive applied at 3 bakeries, a candy shoppe, barnes & noble, edible arrangements, a doggie daycare, a grocery store, and a thrift store. and ive only gotten one response from one of the bakeries whom i have an interview with on wednesday. i just want to be able to do a little more than barely scrape by each month, and i absolutely do not want to put any sort of pressure on cody emotionally or financially or anything. also speaking of cody, he works at a delivery company now in the warehouse, but still picks up some hours at the pizza place on occasion. its really hard work but it pays well and he is striving to eventually become a driver for them, im proud of him.

i havent been doing much for music or art or anything unfortunately. i probably should, it would probably help with the stress i feel. but i just feel empty most of the time, like sleeping and working and doing the minimum takes up all of my energy. idk, i just need to try a little harder i think and i can get the help i need to crawl out of this.

ill get there. goodnight for now. i really hope everyone is well.

#jakaaron is a dork

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bronzeflower · 5 years

Text

Who The Fuck Writes A Ten-Page Rant?????

Chapter 21: The Rappest Conversation

Also on ao3

It was your self-imposed day off, so you started the day by sleeping until afternoon. After making yourself breakfast and eating it, you played Slime Rancher for about two hours because it was a nice relaxing game that Roxy bought you for Gristmas last year.

Everything was peaceful. Nothing could possibly ruin this.

Oh look. John was pestering you. You hadn't talked to him in while, even though he was your best bro. You guessed both of you have been pretty busy lately.

-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

EB: hey, dave! EB: we haven’t spoken in ages!

TG: yeah man its been entirely too long TG: ive turned to dust while you were gone TG: ive become one with the desert and sand TG: im the sand on the beach that gets stuck inside an oyster TG: and the oyster is like what the hell are you doing here you dumbass motherfucking sand TG: im here to ruin your life oyster TG: thats basically my job TG: why are you doing this you tiny bit of sand TG: i already answered that question TG: okay fine be that way says the oyster TG: ill just turn you into a pearl so that youre no longer stabbing me everywhere TG: and then i was transformed into a dope ass pearl TG: the prettiest goddamn pearl in all the land TG: im turned into one of a pair of earrings that are sold for more that your life is worth TG: im bought by a rich woman looking for jewelry to show off TG: its passed down through the generations until the wealth they had dwindles and runs out TG: so now the earrings are sold for a dollar just to get the money for food that night TG: its a tragic tale TG: anyway TG: how are you doing

EB: dave, did you copy and paste an entire act of a play into this chat?

TG: what no TG: it is all natural and organic typing from scratch going on here TG: absolutely no foul play involved and to even imply such is an insult to my craft

EB: alright, fine! EB: i will not insult your “masterpiece” anymore. EB: if you can even call it that.

TG: oh wow sick burn TG: but like seriously speaking how is your stuff going TG: like the comedy stuff TG: have you yet to release an hour long special containing your hilarious jokes TG: and like half of the time is taken up by people laughing at them so its not even a true hour long special its more like a half hour long special and you didnt even manage to make it through all the material you had prepared TG: you know like you did in school where you accidentally prepared too much for a presentation and then get cut off because your time is up TG: and you still have like an hour and half left of material that youve collected that ended up just being a pile of wasted effort

EB: maybe not to that extreme. EB: :P EB: i haven't gotten my show up on netflix yet, but i am certainly planning on it! EB: watch out for it!

TG: do you still have that one person booing you at a bunch of your shows

EB: yeah, it is getting pretty annoying at this point, but i don't really want to do something like call security to remove someone for booing at my show. EB: that just seems as little bit over kill.

TG: i thought you were going to do a comedy sketch about them

EB: oh yeah! EB: i forgot about that.

TG: who are you jade harley

EB: what! EB: jade is great at remembering things!

TG: shes really not she just has a really fucking good system for making certain she remembers things TG: she has to build a physical barrier to her door so that she doesnt forget her keys TG: and she has so many keys to her house they are literally everywhere

EB: huh. EB: i guess i havent really visited jade in a while, have i?

TG: i would highly recommend going to her place at some point TG: and just hanging out with her in general TG: although youd probably have to plan a whole trip for it TG: just like TG: drop by or whatever next time youre where shes currently living

EB: messaging her might be a little bit more practical.

TG: yeah probably TG: anyway you really should get on writing that sketch about the lady I booing you

EB: yeah probably.

TG: yeah man how else are you going to get back at her TG: also when you finally do perform it please tell me what happened TG: or send me a recording of it TG: jk ill buy the recording TG: i always buy the recordings of your shows TG: but youll have to tell me which recording its in so that i can prepare myself

EB: maybe i won’t tell you which recording it’s in just so you're surprised by it. EB: like a schrodinger’s recording.

TG: does that mean you might be dead in one of them

EB: i hate to tell you this now dave, but i’m actually a ghost.

TG: shit ive been friends with a ghost this whole time thats actually pretty fucking dope TG: how do you do comedy sketches as a ghost TG: with the whole intangible thing TG: also with the people not being able to see you thing TG: wait TG: i wouldnt be able to message you if you were completely intangible TG: you must be a poltergeist or something TG: is there anything i can do to help you pass on

EB: yeah, you have to burn my body. EB: that’s what they do in all of the supernatural movies and shows where there’s a ghost.

TG: alright i am fully prepared to do that TG: i however have absolutely no idea where your grave is

EB: i know where your grave is.

TG: well thats not ominous at all TG: i dont even have a grave

EB: as far as you know.

TG: are you telling me that im dead TG: am i also a ghost

EB: i’m sorry i didn’t tell you sooner! EB: but yes we’re both ghosts. EB: i was supposed to wait for you to figure it out yourself, but it’s taking so long, so i guess i got a little impatient. EB: :B

TG: yeah but i still dont remember anything about dying or anything like that

EB: maybe you'll remember someday. EB: i’ve got to go right about now though. EB: i compromised my mission, and now i have to go through remedial training.

TG: ill wish you luck

EB: who needs luck when you have skill?

TG: okay then no good luck from me TG: i take it back TG: youve got this handled due to the sheer amount of awesomeness you have

-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

TG: oh no they got you TG: i know i said i didnt wish you good luck but i actually did TG: you cant give back a good luck TG: you can never give back a good luck TG: the blessing is yours now forever and ever TG: or however long you live i guess TG: thats going to take a butt load of time TG: anyway TG: i should probably get going too TG: instead of just having a conversation by myself after you left TG: and like go and have a conversation with someone else TG: maybe with jade TG: i havent talked to jade in a while TG: wonder how her pumpkins are doing TG: i wonder if shes harvested them yet TG: or if its even time for that TG: i swear i do actually listen when she talks about gardening TG: but i dont remember what half the harvest times for a bunch of the vegetables she grows TG: dont tell her that TG: or do TG: she probably already knows TG: shes always had a tendency to know things that other people would have absolutely no clue of knowing about TG: anyway TG: ill pester you again at some point eventually TG: ill go pester jade instead now TG: see ya

-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] --

TG: yo jade how are your pumpkins doing TG: is it about time to harvest them or anything TG: or has that already happened TG: when do people harvest pumpkins again

GG: ive harvested them!

TG: awesome were they tasty

GG: of course they were!!! GG: i made pumpkin pie and roasted pumpkin seeds GG: and then i sold all the leftover pumpkins

TG: yeah what kind of profit did that turn

GG: quite a bit, actually! GG: especially with the fact that pumpkins are basically weeds GG: because they grow back no matter what you do GG: no GG: matter GG: what GG: but people fucking love pumpkins during the fall seasons

TG: yeah everyone goes batshit for that kind of stuff TG: got that pumpkin spice everywhere TG: and colorful trees and sweater weather TG: unless you live in the south TG: then there are just two seasons TG: summer and cooler summer

GG: those were basically the seasons on the island i grew up on too GG: im so glad i get to see snow where i live now!!! GG: i always wanted to play in it growing up!!!

TG: tbh we should coordinate and try to play in the snow together at some point

GG: yes!!! GG: but, no GG: :( GG: itd be way too difficult to coordinate that kind of thing

TG: yeah probably TG: but maybe one day if we happened to be in the same area and it happened to snow TG: we could get together and play in the snow and build snowpeople and snow angles

GG: dont you mean snow angels?

TG: i meant what i said TG: were gonna be drawing angles in the snow TG: forty five degrees sixty degrees one hundred and eighty degrees TG: well have all the angles right there written in the snow because no one can tell us what to do

GG: i still think id rather make snow angels though

TG: fair enough TG: you stick with your boring old snow angels TG: and ill have a fantastic time making all my fucking snow angles

GG: :/ GG: you do that, i guess GG: i still think making snow angels will be more fun!

TG: suit yourself TG: anyway im being messaged by someone else so ive gotta bounce

GG: alrighty, see ya!

-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] --

-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

GC: D4V3

TG: terezi

GC: H4V3 YOU S33N TH1S?? GC: F1L3.COM

TG: well it would seem that im being framed for murder and no one told me

GC: NO GC: 1N C4S3 TH4T H4PP3N3D 1 WOULD S3RV3 4S YOUR PROS3CUT3R

TG: wouldnt you be unable to participate in the trial because you have a bias because were friends

GC: Y3S BUT TH4T 1S B3S1D3 TH3 PO1NT GC: W41T GC: 1S 1T B3S1D3 THE PO1NT OR B3S1D3S TH3 PO1NT??

TG: no idea TG: does it matter

GC: 1 GU3SS NOT GC: JUST LOOK 4T TH3 GODD4MN M3M3

TG: nice

GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3

-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

CG: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

TG: so what stuck itself up your ass

CG: DID TEREZI SEND YOU THAT MEME?

TG: what meme i have no idea what meme your talking about

TG: i dont even know what a meme is TG: you could hear me say that but i pronounced meme as me me TG: because thats how little i know about memes TG: ive never even seen one in my life TG: you dont have any proof that tz showed me the meme that you are talking about like less than five minutes ago about the ten page rant that you sent to complain about my channel

CG: THAT’S REALLY SPECIFIC, AND IT MAKES ME SUSPICIOUS AND PRIVY TO THE IDEA THAT YOU ACTUALLY DO KNOW WHAT A MEME IS.

TG: please spare me i have a family

CG: I WASN’T AWARE THAT YOU HAD KIDS.

TG: youre right i dont have kids TG: not in reality TG: imaginary kids TG: all running around and being great and fantastic and not fucked up at all TG: thats the fucking dream

CG: DAVE, WE’RE NOT HERE TO DISCUSS YOUR INSECURITIES DEALING WITH THE POSSIBILITY OF HAVING KIDS OR WORKING WITH KIDS. CG: WE’RE HERE TO TALK ABOUT THE MEME TEREZI SENT YOU.

TG: why do you even care so much about a meme TG: its a meme and its harmless fun TG: even if it does include a picture of you topless

CG: EXACTLY. CG: I’M GOING TO NEED YOU TO DELETE ANY EVIDENCE OF THAT PICTURE, NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO KEEP IT.

TG: why would i want to keep it TG: maybe i already deleted it TG: maybe i didnt even save it TG: also why do you want me to delete so bad TG: its not much in the way of blackmail TG: who could possibly use it against you

CG: PEOPLE.

TG: thats specific

CG: I’M NOT REALLY IN THE MOOD FOR GOING INTO TOO MUCH DETAIL ABOUT THIS, SO COULD YOU PLEASE JUST TAKE MY WORD FOR IT AND DELETE THAT PHOTO?

TG: k

CG: REALLY? CG: JUST LIKE THAT?

TG: sure if it really matters to you that much ill make sure to get rid of it TG: you can tell me why at another time TG: i get if its too personal to talk about or whatever TG: sometimes that kind of thing happens TG: there we go TG: deleted photo

CG: THANKS

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

-- arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

AC: :33< *ac prowls up to the unsuspecting crow* AC: :33< *she asks meow the crow is doing!*

TG: *the crow says hes doing well and asks the same of the cat*

AC: :33< im fine! AC: :33< im meowstly just double checking the date and time we agr33d on for tea

TG: yeah im still on that day TG: just cant believe it in like a month and a half TG: seems like an almost unnecessary time to plan in advance

AC: :33< but it is a really meowfurlous tea place! AC: :33< its just a little exclawsive, so youve got to make reservations a bit in advance

TG: yeah i get that but the main question here is the dress code TG: can i show up in my jeans and hoodie or do ive got to pull out the singular suit i have TG: its bright red so i cant exactly wear it to black tie events

AC: :33< it s33ms more like mew should wear brunch attire

TG: khakis and a polo shirt got it

AC: ://< i guess thats brunch attire AC: :33< i would wear something a little nicer though

TG: so more like colorful khakis with a button down shirt that can hold cufflinks

AC: :33< yeah thats s33ms more appropriate AC: :33< mew could always ask kanya~a for advice on what to wear

TG: yeah im probably going to do that TG: also that cat pun in her name that you did was the best think ive heard all day ten out of ten would use again

AC: :33< thank mew! AC: :33< i like to give all meow furends cat pun names! AC: :33< its kind of hard to come up with them for some people though

TG: yeah im not sure how you can make a cat pun from dave TG: its pretty much impossible but if you do manage to do it i will be supremely impressed

AC: :33< meowbe a rhyming thing? AC: :33< like cavedave or something? AC: :33< but that makes you sound like some sort of caveman AC: :((< and thats not really cute

TG: maybe adding a hobby of mine of some sort to my name TG: like rapping TG: like rapnap dave or something TG: cause it sounds kind of like catnap

AC: :33< that certainly is a lot cuter! AC: :33< ill consider it! AC: :33< but ive got to go meow so we can talk later

TG: cool

-- arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

Since you were clearly talking to all your friends today, you might as well see if Aradia’s online as well. You’re pretty sure she was, and since you probably won’t get to contact her for a while, you might as well message her now.

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering apocalypseArisen [AA] --

TG: have you finally figured out how im going to die TG: or divined that kind of shit yet TG: saw it in the clouds or something TG: my hot as hell dead body floating in the water staining the fluid and polluting the river and making it muddy with red TG: taking a stabbing and falling and dying before i could ask if it was something i said TG: choking to death, clubbing to death TG: hit through the chest with some white magic TG: bleeding and crying as they take their last breath TG: its all just so horrible and tragic TG: having every single one of these dreams TG: but i think i know that theyre memories TG: had these nightmares since i was a kid TG: always wondered if it was something i did TG: cause they made me scared of clowns swords and puppets TG: made me too scared to watch even the muppets TG: but they’re not just mine cause it’s not always my body TG: lying on the ground looking super fucking shoddy TG: and all i can feel is the oppression and fear TG: of letting go of all we hold dear TG: stabbed with a sword we did abhor TG: all the death and the violence and blood TG: overwhelmed us like a flood TG: but try as we might we had no chance TG: we were always meant to lose this dance TG: alright im done that was a dope ass fucking rap thanks folks for listening to how awesome that was

AA: you will die on the twentieth day of april in the year of 2069 from drug overdose

TG: nice

AA: also your rap was both cool and concerning

TG: yeah im not sure if i actually thought at all about what i just said in that rap TG: so basically i forgot everything that i just wrote

AA: thats the beauty of a messaging platform AA: you can just scroll up and reread what you wrote

TG: im sorry im suddenly unable to read

AA: wow AA: youre really going to do this

TG: yes and i have no regrets TG: hi im jared im nineteen and i never fucking learned how to read

AA: your name is dave

TG: shit TG: caught in the lie TG: what time will i have to spend in jail officer

AA: well since im not a cop AA: none! AA: but im still curious about whatever the hell was going on with that rap

TG: maybe you should respond with the stuff thats bothering you in rap form TG: do a little rap battle TG: but like TG: with feelings and shit TG: you can talk about whats bothering you and then i can elaborate on the fuckery in my rap

AA: alright i dont see why not AA: it will probably help us both AA: my heart and my brains been pulled taught AA: stuck between work and the one that i love AA: cant help my job fits me like a glove AA: but i cant stop thinking about my matesprit AA: how hes gonna face it AA: cause he says he supports me AA: and he says that he agrees AA: with putting my job first and foremost AA: while he sits in one place and holds post AA: i didnt mind too much before AA: we had all i could adore AA: but since he proposed were going to be married AA: i just dont know if that life should be carried

TG: well that sounds like something you should talk about TG: because not doing so might leave you in a drought TG: in your relationship where miscommunications TG: might lead to decimation TG: or more likely just breaking up TG: but you dont want that to burn up TG: so just have a talk with him about your concern TG: and then your love will continue to burn

AA: did you just rhyme up with up

TG: dont judge me im trying to help

AA: your advice was good but i can still judge you for your lack of slam poetry skills

TG: hey ill have you know im the best in the business

AA: must be a very small business

TG: wow TG: i cant believe my own moirail would do this to me

AA: you know i had to do it to em

TG: i hate you and everything that you stand for

AA: likewise AA: aside from that AA: do you want to talk about those dreams you mentioned at the start of this conversation

TG: i will only answer that if you ask me in a rap

AA: what the fuck was up with those dreams AA: you seem to be tearing at the seems AA: with all the death and the dying AA: and it might seems like im lying AA: but ive had those too AA: hit in the face and bid me adieu AA: except im a ghost and dead AA: dont know how but i bled AA: then im a frog for some reason AA: it has something to do with treason AA: then a robot that i hated AA: someones kinks that were stated AA: then i blow up again and again AA: wake up in pajamas the color of cayenne AA: and thats when i know that im alive AA: and i know for a fact that i will thrive

TG: always thought that i was alone in this TG: but i guess im not so now ill remiss TG: on all these nightmares ive had TG: that were all really bad TG: i always thought it was because of my childhood TG: never thought that i would be old enough to get to my knighthood TG: thought i was going to die alone TG: thought they wouldnt even find a bone TG: thought no would care if i was gone TG: always felt like i didnt belong TG: i thought the dreams were a message, an order TG: to finally get rid of the disorder TG: that was me theyd promised id be free TG: but i still desperately wanted to be TG: alive and awake and active and happy TG: excuse me if this starts to get a bit sappy TG: but i wanted love TG: i wanted to be above TG: my bro who so obviously hated me TG: and everyone i know would agree TG: so no matter how much i wanted to die TG: there was always something just keeping me alive TG: a wish or a kiss or a day that gets better TG: a time when i get to open a letter TG: theres something to live for something to survive for TG: going and traveling and taking a tour TG: listening to music when i feel depressed TG: going outside when i feel repressed TG: reminding myself its gonna be alright TG: in order to tell myself not to go towards the light

AA: feeling alive is good

TG: yeah TG: it is TG: thanks for listening

AA: thank you for listening! AA: thats what being moirails is all about AA: listening to each other and doing our best to comfort each other AA: although i guess thats what friendship is about too AA: moirail is more of a formal title

TG: i get that TG: someones messaging me now though so i guess this is where we can end our convo

AA: dont be a stranger!

TG: not planning to be one TG: <>

`AA: <>

-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering apocalypseArisen [AA] --

-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

TT: Hello.

TG: yes just come up and start a chat using the most generic fucking greeting in the entire goddamn world TG: thats exactly how you start a conversation with someone youve known for years TG: start conversations by calling your friends a bitch like the rest of us

TT: I’m pretty sure I would like to have a little more class than that.

TG: ill bring you down to my level one day

TT: I will do my best to resist going down that low.

TG: listen TG: im pretty sure you dont have to go that far

TT: Wow. TT: Rude.

TG: thats a more appropriate way to talk to your brother

TT: I’ll be certain to use more crass language when greeting you next time I make the decision to start a conversation with you.

TG: anyway what did you want to talk to me about

TT: I would like to invite you to my party celebrating the release of my new book. TT: It takes place in a month at my house.

TG: you mean your big ass mansion

TT: Yes, I suppose that is an apt description of the location where I reside. TT: I suggest you dress formally for the occasion. TT: You can wear the suit that you had recently tailored for you.

TG: oh yeah the one kanaya made that feels like the softest goddamn plush toy in the childrens aisle

TT: Yes, please wear that one.

TG: alrighty sounds good to me

TT: Not going to argue about wearing jeans and a T-shirt instead?

TG: nah TG: not this time at least TG: im kind of excited to wear the one kanaya made anyway TG: especially since its the first suit that i actually kind of like

TT: Well, I look forward to seeing you at my party in a suit. TT: For now, I must go and give a few others personal invitations.

TG: k you do that

-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

You proceeded to play videos games for the rest of the day because it was, in fact, your day off. You had to spend some of it by yourself after all.

#homestuck #hs #dave strider #rose lalonde #jade harley #john egbert #aradia megido #pale aradave #aradave

2 notes · View notes

hongism · 2 years

Note

[1/?] hello caly!! im back hehe. ive been so incredibly busy recently that i havent been able to set aside much time for reading :( however! im on break at the moment and i was finally able to catch up on the second chapter of blood masquerade. so, im here to write another one of my length analyses <3 this time ill label the parts to make it easier for you LOL but i have a lot to get into! i used a lot of my brain power to try to understand things from your context clues pls bear with me - siren

hello beloved im sorry im so late but im here at last wah T-T i do so adore your lengthy analyses so im super excited to get into it ehehe

[2/?] firstly, i just wanna mention it took me an embarrassingly long time to realize our mc's father was the emperor ALKSJ but i wanted to start off with what ive put together on the current political state of tenjoutenge. senotakaitou is sort of the "capital" region where the emperor and his family lives. the emperor has fallen ill and since our mc's brother is dead, the other regions must give an heir to the throne. - siren [3/?] BUT PLOT TWIST NO ONE KNOWS HES DEAD BESIDES THE ROYAL FAMILY AND SAN. so im assuming the heirs think they're a sort of "back up" option in case anything happens to the emperor's son. or, they could take up another position like shogun. the interesting thing is, the mc is technically also an heir. ryu would rather be an advisor than an emperor, so that leaves her for the position. imo i think *she's* going to choose who will rule by her side as the role of a consort doesnt suit her - siren

JSDDLFKJ all according to plan bestie!!! i was hoping it would be a bit ~elusive~ so im glad to see that it was elusive for a little while 😎 but i must say you are indeed correct. i suppose the easiest way to think of it is that each prince is the child of (or in hongjoong’s case, actually is) the diamyo of that region, meaning that in their region they are technically in control. ryu implies that he wants to be advisor, which wouldn’t be the shogun position, but rather the person next to the emperor who helped with decisions. we see mc talking about her duty to the crown quite a bit, and we will get more about that soon but it does play a large role in how things will unfold in the future.

[4/?] another interesting thing is san mentioning that the mc was called "denka" even when her brother was alive, and brought up the point of why was she being protected inside her own home. i accidentally looked up what the word meant before i saw your authors note at the end of chapter one LMAOO but this makes me wonder if her brother was ever meant for the throne to begin with. this could explain why the mc is so distant from her family and why san barely saw her when he lived there - siren

im glad you picked up on that eheh :3 it is something interesting to note and important indeed! along with the note that hideyoshi has been protecting her for years including when she was in her own home, at least when she was inside the palace where san was. which of course begs the question, why was she so often not in the palace if that was her home and why did san barely see her!!!

[5/?] another thing worth mentioning, it's SO easy to forget that ateez doesn't have romantic implications to begin with, nor are they going after y/n for the throne because, again besides san, they don't KNOW her relations to the crown. at the moment, they simply see her as a person of interest because she hails from senotakaitou. they want info from her, even if that means playing dirty, because they want to be the best fit for the throne. well, most of them anyway LOL. - siren

it is indeed easy to forget!! but also fascinating bc it lets mc (and us as the readers) really see the implications and intentions behindd each prince and what they want, and without knowing who she is, they intend to use her to the best of their ability to get what they want as dirty aas the game sounds, that’s how it’s played :3

[6/?] i think this is a really cool set up and it immerses you into the worldbuilding more. you see just how ostracized senotakaitou is from the rest of the regions and how little information about it gets out. the mc was already trapped in her position to begin with, and being an heir to the throne plus the "denka," she's under a much much stricter surveillance. im really excited to see how each of the characters learns about her position, and how they'll treat her once they know. - siren

im glad that the worldbuilding leads to that implication and shows those layers too, i was hoping that it would convey that sort of feeling and i’m so glad it came across well! and there are layers as well to it with the levels of ostracization where the whole region is closed off but also mc herself is quite sheltered and under close surveillance! but i do think one of the most fun bits will be those reveals :3

[7/?] now getting into my absolute favorite part of the chapter—san. san and his scene with the mc. CHILLS OMG. if i can summarize the entire encounter, though, i would say that between the both of them, they were just giving each other empty threats. i dont think san was going to attack her regardless, and the mc clearly isnt an apathetic person, so i doubt she's uncaring towards the choi siblings' history despite the demeanor she held with san while they danced. - siren

EEEE im happy the san part was your favorite, i think it was my favorite to actually write and it was so exciting to write that tension and explore it then we see this back and forth of threats kinda just poking around and fishing for reactions of some sort, and while san did threaten her life, he is not stupid and of course he wouldn’t kill her in such an open area. on top of that, we see through her interaction later with hongjoong, that she is indeed caring to a point and wants to help these men to some degree, and san is not exempt from that either. with her not being in the palace often when she was young, she (altho implied) did not know anything about what had gone on!

[8/?] sure, the mc says that san cant do anything against her because it would ruin jongho's chance as emperor, but at the same time, i think he really does separate her from her monster of a brother and holds respect for her. im sure that respect isnt just because of her status because he obviously doesnt care about status when it comes to her brother. san referred to her as denka when he really didnt have to. not to mention, y/n doesnt seem strict about people holding her to the title - siren

and you bring up the biggest point of him still calling her by her title, and while it would’ve been a little awkward, he still didn’t refer to her brother by a title either! and what exactly did san see of y/n when he saw her in the palace, what does he know of her beyond what the others know, and how to he perceive her differently from the others as well because y/n is not asking anyone to treat her differently at this party other than that she’s an honored guest of sorts

[9/?] the mc asked hideyoshi to call her by her real name before, but he still refused. and of course she and san are the opposite of close, but i think she was just testing his limits. if he had actually said her name, what then? i really dont think she wouldve cared *too* much outside of it being a threat LOL. san is a really safe option to choose besides jongho as he already knows the mc's identity, which for the most part doesnt affect the way he treats her. - siren

and you’re absolutely right, her asking him to call her by her real name was merely a test to see how far he would go and how deeply that respect really goes. and while yes he did ‘threaten’ her life, you bring up a really good point too of him being a safe option because he hasn’t told the others of her identity despite having the chance to

[10/?] i wouldve chosen san if i had read the chapter when the poll was still open ALKSJDA but i think he'd be a really good ally against whatever ryu is scheming. fuck you, ryu. smh. im really excited to see more interactions between san and the mc, though. i LOVE their dynamic here. i mean, enemies to lovers?? sign me up?? but i do think that san was trying to send a warning to ryu since he was close to the mc's brother. im still iffy on that theory tho - siren

im having the most fun writing him i think you know me and enemies to lovers even if its not complete enemies :’) but i also think that how he develops and his intentions are so hugely fun from a story perspective ;-;

[11/?] san didnt even know that the mc was attending the party let alone her brother, he had only sent such a passive aggressive letter because of the relationship between their regions. so, i have a little bit of a hard time believing that he was trying to warn ryu. unless ryu has attended these parties before or something?? THERE'S STILL SO MUCH THAT WE DONT KNOW?!?! that was the main thing i wanted to analyze though, so sorry for all the asks haha. - siren

there is SO MUCH WE DON’T KNOW!!! that’s half the fun this indeed is a mysterious one :3 think of it like a puzzle and we’re slowly gathering the pieces and we’ll start putting them into place as well and it’ll be FUN!! of course the pieces you gather will be dependent on the choices made and who gets picked as well 😼

[12/13] i loved the interaction between seonghwa and y/n plus all the cool info we got to learn from it. also HONGJOONG?? u will kill me. THE PURE ANGER PLEASE DO SAY MORE :flushed: another instance where we see that the mc is a good person too since she's planning on helping hongjoong's people regardless! which supports my idea with san. it was.. a decision to fuck your potential assassin ALSKDJAS BUT YOU GO GIRL?? yunho is fine i cannot argue. plus who doesnt love a little danger?? - siren

not the FLUSHEDKLJFJLKKLSDF i do feel like i always have a tendency to make seonghwa something of the informant type but it suits him he’s knowledgable and intelligent and it’s sexy SMART IS SEXY and of course the call to mc’s empathy and shows that she does indeed care about these people and is interested in helping them too. and then yeah SDLKJFLKSDJFKL FUCKCING YOUR POTENTIAL ASSASSIN !!! she’s got some big dick energy for that one mate i must admit but yaknow you gotta live a little and have some fun! and she perhaps got a bit lucky with him not actually trying to kill her 🤣

[13/13] LASTLY! im really curious if the asks you receive affect the mc's decisions as well 👀 i remember that a LOT of people were curious about san, seonghwa, hongjoong, and yunho. BOOM. quadruple kill in the second chapter. so, so sorry for all the spam! i had so many thoughts and you're such a good writer i am on my kneeS. i hope you've been well since the last time i checked in. can't wait for more of this and moc! u r literally the loml and ill always be back w more essays - siren <3

indeed the asks i get do affect mc’s decisions! im trying to make it as interactive as possible and indeed i chose to expose those four bc people were more curious about them! i did intentionally put off wooyoung a little while longer bc i personally think that the delay will pay off quite a bit and add to the allure heheheh don’t be sorry wahhh i appreciate it so much and i absolutely feel HONORED to receive so many thoughts and intrigue over the fic and im so grateful for it wahh ;;-; loml always take care i luv u sm

#fic; cnk:bm #spoilers #siren anon

0 notes

lokbobpop · 3 years

Text

Exercise

exercise, execution of power; physical or spiritual exercise," from Latin exercitium "training, physical exercise" (of soldiers, horsemen, etc.); "play;" in Medieval Latin also of arts, from exercitare, frequentative of exercere "keep busy, keep at work, oversee, engage busily; train, exercise; practice, follow; carry

regular or repeated use of a faculty or bodily organ. b : bodily exertion for the sake of developing and maintaining physical fitness trying to get more exercise. 3 : something performed or practiced in order to develop, improve, or display a specific capability or skill arithmetic exercises vocal exercises

Exercise exer cise e xer size exe r size

Writing exercise

Im am at the moment at my most worst in my hole life i barely do anything walking 5 mins down the rd makes me feel exhausted it really does with my thyroid playing such a big roll in me feeling exhausted all the time ive just say about and done nothing and within thsi things have got so much worse i now dont want to move anywhere do anything im happy to just sit around and work on myself but im the fastest ive every been I believe im not sure as I haven’t had scales for year but im big real big and it needs ot come off but i feel im in a catch 22 with having no energy.

Reading exercise

In my life what have i done when in my 20s and got fat i lost weight by swimming every day and eating a small meal and i looked good it felt good but i soon put all the weight got fat again and have spent most of my living life over weight which makes me feel pretty sad about myself how did i let this happen i dont know fear i suppose always have been fearful and havent bothered to sort it out.

When i was in my 40s i decided I needed to lose weight and i started at the gym for the first time it was hard work but i went everyday to loss the weight it came off very slowly and not all of it i could only get to a certain level and its stops like no more but at this stage i already believe i was having thyroid problems so thsi might of been the problem then as i would sometimes stay at home and just sleep all day and do nothing i was exhausted all the time and couldn’t work out why but everyday i would sleep in the day i felt awful and i still have this thing going on with in fear of a disaster and not being loved has made my thyroid fucked up.

When i see other people exercise and look so fit i feel jealous of them and if my friends look thin and have lost weight i feel bad about myself for not doing enough myself to lose weight but dotn make any effort to do so as i see i feel im behind like i was at school and i go into the point giving up its not worth trying im so behind now i cant do it and just do nothing to support myself its a personality i need to get over as anytime is a good its never to late.

I think of these people that go out running like an old school friend on facebook she runs most days and i think how does she do it ive only ever run 100 yards and i feel knackered its definitely not the exercise of choice for me.

Lately chris and i started swimming and after only a few weeks I couldn’t do it anymore because I found it so boring up and down and said i cant do anymore i just dont like it so i stoped i want to start walking again as we did before the swimming on the beach but i just cant push myself out to do it.

Feeling deflated about myself right now on feeling tired and not wanting to or don’t have the energy to do anything im why me why has this happen but i know why my body couldn’t stand all the thoughts and it has pilled up over 10s of years and cause so much within my body i now have to heal within me and this is me now taking responsibility for what i have aloud within myself.

Saying exercise

Oh do I have to comes up as i dont want to i cant be bother oh yes you can do it lol

I wish exercise was easy maybe i should just walk on flat ground i recking this would be best for me to start with and move pin later hey

You have to commit and stick with something that you can do every day and always i reckon

Does this definition support me no i dotn want to do it comes up and jealous of those who have a good routine of looking after there bodies 20 minds a day is all it would take and I should do it for sure.

Exercise ex her size

Exercise

To be of life to be of good health to be able and willing to move through the mind that says no

I will use this word to support me within doing a little everyday and working up to a point of losing weight and on days its hard to just rest but not to let the mind say no exercise only the body.

0 notes

terryblycute · 3 years

Text

2020

overall this year was bad. bad, just like any other, how its always been, so nothing special. im writing this because my memory is getting worse and worse, and im sick of not remembering

corona lowkey annoying cuz i couldnt visit my friends on new years eve, but other than that everythings the same. on a positive note i didnt have to work as much either, and on a negative note i didnt get as much money. but thats alright.

((rude, unempathetic rant incoming. i know what im about to say is stupid but its my feelings and i want to talk about it regardless. if anyones reading, skip this)) what HAS been bothering me the most about corona is all the „2020 bad“ memes and people legitimately complaining about it. cuz like... nothing has changed. every year is horrible. it always has been. every year innocent people die, and nobody can do anything about it. of course i feel horrible for the people who lost their income/housing or family members because of it, and they have all the rights to complain... but lets be honest. none of the people i talk to were affected in any way by it. and the majority of people i hear talking about it havent lost their family/friends or homes to it either. its just a mild inconvenience to them, not being able to party without being arrested or seeing their friends or some shit. boo hoo, im alone all the time and never see any of my friends either and at this point im completely love & touch starvated regardless of corona. get over it

so... corona things out of the way, ive started thinking about my mental illnesses & trauma... A LOT. ive never thought about it all that much, because critical thinking is not something im able to do, usually. ive been reading lots of comix of people talking about/depicting mental illness, so i guess that kind of inspired and changed something in me, if i like it or not.

well, it turns out there is a shitton to unpack. i mean, ive always known there is so much wrong with me... but i was never really aware, if that makes sense. im still in the dark about most things, but its all coming together, little by little. i dont want to put my finger on anything, because im dumb, but at this point im 100% sure autism/aspergers isnt the only thing i got. far from it, in fact.

ive also learned that a lot of things in my life have left me with genuine, significant trauma, which ive never really realized before. i just thought the way i react to some things is cuz im, yknow... a whiny bitch. to name a few things:

me getting defensive/snappy when people of „authority“ (family, caretakers, doctors) ask me if im tired, how late i went to bed etc bc it is indirectly tied to why i was forced into psychiatry & the abuse i had to suffer there

fight or flight response activating when people talk about being in support of outdoor cats (i dont even want to fucking elaborate. tl;dr: my cat was almost killed by outdoor cat people and would be dead now if i hadnt gotten my shit together and worked hard on getting my own apartment, where he is safe. ive recieved no support & only been demonized during this time). this is a genuine fucking trigger

my rocky relationship with my mother and my thoughts about her, who is a genuinely good person, but managed to fuck me over, rip my entire ass apart and ruin my life regardless. also her lowkey restrictive/controlling upbringing stunting me for life

my huge, life-impairing abandonment issues. i dont even know where they come from, all i ever experienced were regular breakups & rejections with no hard feelings that just hit me especially hard for no reason i guess

how i cannot bear to be alone in a discord voice channel waiting for people to join & my stunted ability to talk to people when im alone with them (i got actively excluded by my best friends for being suicidal & a downer, they created a discord voice channel i couldnt see & didnt have access to for them to be without me, all while i was waiting all day long alone in our regular channel for someone to join me, in the same server)

relatedly, my inability to talk about my problems & mental illnesses with them. is also related to the cat incident

also my inability to show affection ever since my best friend stopped telling me „i love ya“

nothing else i can think of rn

i also realized that something is fundamentally, objectively wrong with me. i cant really talk about it... but the actions of one of my friends made it clear to me. it was proof that, somehow, im imbued with the horrifying essence of some eldritch lovecraftian horror being, repulsing everyone without them even realizing, unable of being loved. and its just... this knowledge, its too heavy to bear, for a single human being. i dont know what to do. i will have to live with this for the rest of my life - and i cant do anything about it.

ive also reconnected with an old friend over animal crossing, who introduced me to some other old friends (they were more like aquaintances back then, really), and in one of them ive found a friend for life, pretty much. but theyre all great, really.... i seriously appreciate that. they took my mind off my other best friend, whos been kind of ignoring my needs, resulting in me having panic attacks every day.

also, im making more of an effort to talk to & reply to the people i care about, cuz i have this friend who would chat me up every now and then, without me ever messaging him, just for me to ignore him for a couple hours cuz im too tired/busy/whatever... so at one point i was like „wait, what am i doing? hes one of the few friends who actually makes an effort, and i really care about this bitch!!“, so i went ahead and got my shit together, as best as i can at least (depressions still a bitch but im trying)

one last thing i wanna talk about... my view on life. this is gonna be huge, i think. big trigger warning for suicide stuff & other negative shit

im suicidal. always have been. thats not a secret, everyone who knows how to read between the lines (i cant, but most people do) can see that. sometimes you dont even have to, cuz im telling you outright. i usually dont talk about this openly though, not to my friends at least, cuz people only put up with suicidals for so long, and i cant afford to lose anyone else... ahem. anyways, something changed in the way i see suicide. when i was younger, i wanted to die because the pain i had to bear was just too great. there was no hope. and its still true - the pain is unbearable. i am in pain every waking moment. i have been for almost 11 years now. there is no joy, there is no happiness, there is only distraction.

however, thats not the reason i wanna die anymore. i think think that if i put in effort, i think i could be... not in pain, all the time anymore. but, heres the thing: i dont want to. im too tired, im too broken. i dont want to change, and i dont want anyone else to change. now i just want to die, for the sake of it. because i love death, with all of my heart. i think death is the best thing that could happen, to anyone. i 100% believe death is the only thing that will save you, ever. i am not exaggerating when i say „i love death“. and to live, without having the means to safely & efficiently kill myself... its destroying me. i get panic attacks every week thinking about it. what if someone else leaves me? im not gonna take it anymore, i refuse to. i refuse to keep suffering, but to end my suffering once and for all i have to die. i really, truly hate living... it just really isnt for me. and thats okay, im fine with it, im fine with dying - its what i want, its my choice, its my destiny - and i love this destiny. i wouldnt want it any other way - to kill myself, or be killed, thats how i want to go. i just need someone to help me. idk where im going with this, so lets move onto my next point:

my worldview. so.. im not sure when this all started. was it 2020? or 2019? maybe it started to dawn on me even earlier, i dont really know, but its been really intense in 2020. the way i view the world & life has changed drastically (or rather, formed, ive never really thought about it that much before). my mom has made it clear to me that you could be a genuinely good, loving person... and still fuck up your kid for life. and this is why i came to the conclusion that good parents, who dont fuck up their children irreversibly... they dont exist. the moment youre born into this world, youre doomed. there is no one who doesnt suffer, there is no one who doesnt want to die - and if they tell you they dont, they either just dont know yet or are in denial. if there is ANY chance of someone growing up to suffer just like i do - it is not worth it. irresponsible, even - to bring a kid into this world. and, the way the world is, and continues to be, there will never be the chance for someone to never suffer like me. which is why i dont think children should be born into this world, ever. and it fucks with me - it fucks with me so bad.

...happy mew year, everynyan

#long post #suicide tw #negative #corona tw #idk what to tag #2020

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feverhalo · 6 years

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Ok so. Big talky post about irl shit in all forms because why not & i feel bad leaving you all hanging so long on so much

Please dont r///ebl/////og and theres no pressure to read it or do anything in regards to this.

So. This covers like. So many topics. Grief and death and mental health being the biggest warnings for

Average news first. I still have my job and have been there officially for a year now! Pay rates are going up in my province, and thats a new solid reference should i need it any time soon. Theyre also beong really understanding and compromising(? Forgot theword i had originally) and letting me try new jobs/places to reduce stress

I found out yes, i am still allergic to peanut butter if the fact that i had really annoying stomach pain for h o u r s after eating a teeny tiny pb cookie is anything to go by. Didnt really pay attention to if i broke out on my sides or not because i was a little preoccupied with curling up tightly and feeling a little off the next day too. (I mean no duh what did i expect to happen but i mean. They smelled so good). Lesson learned.

Bad news

ive touched on but i dont think ever really said. Someone very very close to me passed in late summer and im still devistated and torn up and doing my denial/anger thing for the most part. Its. Not easy. But ive been going to see someone, admittedly its become a bit about everything when it was supposed to just be this, but i dont do death. When i was a kid and lost someone i shut down entirely and aside from angry outbursts and the occasional breakdown i tried my hardest to act like there was not and would never be a hole there. It didnt work well at all and im still affected by that person's passing too.

They were also one of the more supportive people in my life and i spent a lot of time reading and writing and creating in their company and its been hard.

And i know that im handling this a little better even though im still skipping out on things and blowing up and all the same sort of crap but i actually have a neutral space that wont feel marked or stained every day for processing and a neutral person to help.

And of course its not just grief im getting help with because its all kind of a tangled mess. But im also getting like. New insight on stuff and someone to talk to about whatever. And its making life quite a bit harder because im so used to blocking it out or locking myself away and letting things rush over and take over and run their course. Its been really hard to be creative because im incredibly self critical and having a lot more trouble focusing lately because of a lot of reasons.

Im stressed and overwhelmed a lot more easily and frequently right now. And i know im being distant even if it doesnt show. Im scared to kind of go along with this and open up and all that junk and now im being gently prodded to do so in short, honest (not just stuff i dont rly care about or stuff callously overshared to just pretend im being open) bursts its kind of freaking me out. But like. Itll all end up for something good i hope. Even though it feels awful right now and ive had stints of days or even a full week with supports on speed dial when i havent been able to calm down or shut off over thinking but thats- i mean i expect it. A lot is happening and ive known for years my coping strategies have been lacking.

Ive also been talking with this outside help and weve toyed with the idea of maybe i really do have add or at least my anxiety manifests similarly and its kind of a which came first- and this ties in to the next good part in a second- but i havent scheduled anything in my area for right now for those sorts of things but im still kind of getting new ideas from a different angle that might maybe help and if i dont then im learning things i still may be able to use. Either way its not a huge deal for the current moment and its a bit if trying to find compassion and acceptance for myself whether its thing a or b or neither but whatever

Good, great, best news!!

I have an in to starting the more physical process of transitioning. Like i have a day and a time and a start. Like really really really soon. Its going to be hard i know because im going to have to open up about things and will probably be told i have to wait until i can stablize a bit more- its been a lot happening in a short while. And i understand. I waited 2 years to hear from them, i waited a few years to reach out to them, and i unknowingly waited years to find new words that struck a chord and all that. So as long as its moving i can deal with the wait.

I have GOOD people (many i know and have known for years now who happen to work in an adjacent field, some who are new and yet to be met but have rly good references if that makes sense?) who are going to help me kind of navigate and understand and undo things i thought i learned that were honestly just veiled hate and scare tactic garbage. People who support me and dont push me past what i am comfortable with undergoing to "prove" anything (such as 'if you didnt do x right away youre lying/if you dont do y surgery first i wont believe you' kind of comments. I hope). Im looking into options and im so excited for it!!

Its going to involve a lot of talking about things and probably a lot i dont want to talk about just yet but its a great chance because it gets me officially connected and officially started and this place has more options than my town and more specialized crap that can detangle and work through all the connected things and it can all be lumped together as the same process and hopefully help financially that way- and time wise unbelieveably. Theres a very good chance ill be able to talk with someone there, and very likely that first appointment, who can help me understand why i work the way i do sometimes for whatever reason it is.

And im getting a lot of positivity and lessons like learning to give myself some slack where it matters and stuff like that. And that im not worthless or stained or going to rot other people- which is honestly uncomfortable for me to think because of how long ive thought the opposite. Like to think i may actually be pretty good like not pretend good and actually worth anything at all. Because i got stuck in bad thoughts since i was small.

Im also thinking on trying to go back to school because i have a lot i think about with nowhere to really put it and nothing to do which doesnt help me do the things i want to do. So maybe something like that would help because i like learning. I like the motions of it- writing and reading with intent to understand something new, the routine as much as i whined about it in highschool, the forced kind of proximity to people living apart from what i know entirely too so the world feels bigger in a tangible way. Thats on a back burner and waiting for sure! But the fact im thinking about it and happily thinking about it? I like that.

My life has been. Kind of a combination of bland as hell and busy if that makes sense. Ive had to sort of shut down outward productivity and cut down on things a bit because so much is going on, and im trying to do a lot as paced and as slowly as i can bear.

And even though im not Here here as much as i want to be and everything its just. Kind of time for this. And im so glad and happy that when i can be here i can see that people still like what ive done and theres always awesome content to see and yeah

Thanks for everything and checking in and i really really am looking forward to moving forward.

#fh irl #i may chicken out and dele te this in a bit

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jellothefish · 7 years

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im so late but i love answering questions

tagged by @argyraspide AND @kvothes

how to play the game: - answer the 11 questions from the person who tagged you - compose 11 questions of your own & tag others!

Rey’s Questions:

1) What do you seem to collect, intentionally or otherwise? i like mementos of things although then i panic about having too much stuff but i have a large bookshelf at home filled with shells and rocks and trinkets various people have given me. i also keep a folder filled with notes my friends give me so i can read them when im sad

2) What’s your favorite form of visual art? for me to do? oil pastels. smudgy smudgy. to just look at probably sculptures. i love detail work oh my god

3) Top 3 vacation ideas/locations i really want to go the lauterbrennen area of switzerland, i would absolutely love to go somewhere in southeast asia again and see more but i dont know a whole of places, and lets top it off with hiking in the andes

4) What’s the strangest memory from your childhood? im gonna say when i maybe hallucinated a tunnel on my playground and went exploring only for it to disappear the next day

5) How would you describe your ideal personal aesthetic? i actually have a photo series i did on this but its really lame in words. i just want to do things and see more and have long roadtrips and chilly nights around a campfire and whatnot

6) What do you consider your best skill or talent? im good at planning things :/

7) Academic superpowers: Would you rather be able to memorize every word and fact of a paper (book, powerpoint, etc.) so long as you read the entire thing, OR would you rather be able to teleport instantly to any class with all relevant material and wearing an outfit of your choice? teleport please i walk so much

8) Top 3 favorite sounds thunderstorms, my friends laughter, rain

9) If you could choose one instrument to master, which would it be? honestly i havent thought about my lack of musical talent in so long. idk. bass or drums i guess

10) Does pineapple, a known fruit, belong on pizza??? oh no my friends are gonna fight me. like i dont like it but ill still eat it probably

11) What’s your spirit animal? i once did a decent art project and so i did a lot of research for this and went with fox

Hodgessssss’ Questions:

1. vincent van gogh or pablo picasso? van gogh! i really want to go to the museum in amsterdam 2. if you could change your middle name to anything, what would you choose? i wouldnt want to change it its very important to me 3. which song from a musical best describes you? oh no now ive forgotten every musical ive ever seen. also ive just never thought of it like that before, i associate moments with songs usually. let me know if you have any ideas for me! 4. have you ever torn pages out of a book? why? if i have it was absolutely by accident. i once accidentally smashed my copy of fablehaven in a door and cried for a couple hours. the corner is still dented. 5. what is your favorite line from shakespeare? honestly the first thing that pops into my head is the classic “what, ho” in everything because im actually 13 6. what was the last thing you wrote? i dont really write a whole lot anymore. i was never satisfied so i mostly stopped doing creative writing (unless you mean anything and thatd be my lab report) 7. what was the last poem you liked? i really dont read a lot of poetry so im gonna go with the one you read me like ten years ago in the diag (im so sorry these are all non responses) 8. do you have a favorite work of art? if so, which one? no different works of art strike me in different ways. im always a fan of dutch golden age art although the piece i used to consider my favorite im no longer as in love with anymore. 9. would you rather have a portrait or a sculpture done of you? lol sculpture 10. would you rather live in a library or a museum? museum i love museums and because im a sneaky asshole- many museums have libraries in them 11. what is your opinion on sunlight? i like it when you can pull it close to your chin like a comforter but my delicate blue eyes are wimps

oh my god some of these were tough my dudes

anyways here’s my questions:

1. spring or fall and why 2. whats something that you always wished you did but never have? 3. warm water or cool water (like lakes, oceans, etc) 4. what do you wear for the first snowfall of the year 5. do you have an iconic piece of autumn wear that you cant wait for it to be chilly enough to wear 6. do you function better when busy or when you have a lot of free time? 7. sunlight through leaves or sunlight through windows 8. are you a picky eater or a idk what this is but it tastes good person 9. do you have plants? 10. do you want plants? 11. have you ever plant-sat for someone for a set period of time only to find out that apparently youve just adopted their plants now???

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i suck at tagging people and most people id tag have been tagged so sorry bout that @dolokhovisgay @kvothes @crow--child @phonecallfromgod @argyraspide and anyone who wants to really

#jello speaks #im so bad at coming up with things and tagging

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