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sttngfashion · 3 years

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5.26 and 6.1 - Time’s Arrow

Oh my god. Y’all. It’s a new Fashion It So post. In the year of our Picard 2020. Yes.

For literal years, Charlie and I have been like UGH WE NEED TO DO TIME’S ARROW PARTS 1 AND 2 BUT IT’S JUST SUCH A MONSTER.

Well, I’m doing a complete rewatch of the series with my partner and we just got to these two, so IT IS TIME.

We open in a cave in San Francisco, where Data and Picard are checking something out:

Rent for the cave is $6,000 per month

Showing them around is this guy in a Science Outfit:

He’s ready to go night biking

We’ve seen this look before in both Silicon Avatar and Devil’s Due, and it’s functional, yet cute. Basically a windbreaker in jumpsuit form.

They find a couple of items in the cave, including a pocket watch from 1889 and also:

I left my head in San Francisco

IT’S DATA’S HEAD!!! And it’s been there for FIVE HUNDRED YEARS. What could have caused this? And why is Data’s head so absolutely terrifying?

Is that fondant

This head is, in a word, haunting. The 2020 of heads.

Data and Geordi chat in Ten-Forward about what the presence of Data’s head in the cave means. Data says it means he’s mortal; that someday he will die, and that’s comforting. Spoiler alert: that’s not what it means. But it’s a nice conversation.

Also, Guinan is here!!!

Merlot My God!!

Or maybe: Burgundy-lightful!! Or perhaps: De-Crimson-alize Sex Work!! Okay that last one was a stretch but I really think I missed my calling as a nail polish shade namer.

Anyway, she’s here in her classic look of a pizza-sized hat and a flowing gown/coat/top/robe. The collar here is a little too close to a mock turtleneck for my liking and honestly - this is a little staid for our friend Guinan. I want a TEXTURE or a SWEEP or some WIDE RIBBING or some PLEATS. Don’t worry, though...she will get plenty more later.

Then there’s some plot which frankly we DO NOT HAVE TIME to get into but let’s just say: the away team goes to a planet, there’s a temporal disturbance, and Data ends up here:

Huge mood

Where are we? Or should I say WHEN are we??

Well that old-timey font is a good clue...also the horse

Are we in the Old West land of an off-brand Disneyworld? Are we going to ride something called Large Lightning Mesa Train Tracks? What colorful characters will we meet here?

Winner of 1893’s Mustache Medal

This type of ‘stache is called a Fu Manchu, after the character Dr. Fu Manchu. It’s not...a great look? But it is memorable, which is sometimes enough. He’s also wearing a simple black cap, probably made of silk. He’s keeping it cazh.

So where are we?

SAN FRANCISCO, OPEN YOUR GOLDEN GATE / YOU’LL LET NOBODY WAIT / OUTSIDE YOUR DOOR

Yes, it’s San Francisco. And it’s *eyes popping out of head like a cartoon wolf seeing a busty babe* 1893!!!! That temporal disturbance was...disturbing.

So who else do we have hanging out?

Please check out our Vaudeville act, Knit Cap ‘n’ Bowly

These dudes understand those famous Bay Area MICROCLIMATES, amirite? We’ve got a Henley. We’ve got a buttondown. We’ve got a vest. We’ve got a coat. No matter which way the thermometer decides to go, THEY ARE READY. Also loving the pop of forest green on Knit Cap’s knit cap.

We also have a 49er:

No, it’s not Steve Young. I googled “famous 49ers” to complete this joke so if there is a more famous 49er please let me know

It’s a literal 49er. Since it’s 1893, this guy’s been hanging around in town for a while, and he’s also familiar with the layering techniques one must master if one is to conquer the Bay Area’s climate. He also has a kicky Colonel Sanders-type tie. He asks Data for money and gives him a few panhandling tips. He’s chill. We like him. But don’t get too attached if you know what I mean!!!!

Data decides he needs somewhere to stay, so he finds a hotel:

Brian.

Why is this so funny to me. Brian. Why would you name your hotel Brian. Brian!!!! I know it’s a last name but like...Brian. HOTEL BRIAN.

This bellhop’s name is not Brian:

Where’s your hat, bro

He’s giving us a classic bellhop look, complete with too many buttons. He gives Data the very important information that there’s a poker game happening in the back of the hotel, which means: Data is about to be RICH rich.

The poker game includes a few good looks:

Louie Anderson IS Wolverine IN a Lands’ End barn coat

Two plaids? Sir...I salute you

Colonel Sanders Goes to Carnaval

Data, of course, wipes the floor with them so hard that he wins their clothes:

Didn’t get that barn coat tho

Yes, that’s the actual vest and the actual hat of those guys from the previous scene. Oh, I love it. I love Data in a vest over his uniform and I love Data with a feather in his cap. Let’s call it macaroni.

Meanwhile, out on the street, the plot is happening:

Beige: inescapable

This is our first taste of the decadent 1890’s sleeves that appear in this episode, and these aren’t even the best sleeves!! These are an amuse-bouche of sleeves. An armuse-bouche, if you will.

Anyway, these two are aliens disguised as humans who are here to steal the 49er’s life energy.

Pew pew pew

I told you not to get attached!!!

Back on the Enterprise, Guinan is doing mixology:

She would never call it something as stupid as mixology though

She tells Picard that he needs to go check out the temporal disturbance, too, even though captains don’t normally go on away missions, and then she gives him this look:

It’s that serious

When Guinan looks at you like this, you do what she says.

Now this outfit is much better than the earlier one. We have some pleated sleeves, which I didn’t even think was a thing you could DO. We have some sort of functional(?) strap(??) across the front. We even have matching fingerless gloves which always make a look A LOOK. And if Picard wasn’t sure whether he needed to go on this away mission, she then gives him THIS look:

Okay now it’s REALLY serious

Back in 1893, Data is making something:

It’s actually just a really complicated and large music box that plays “I Left My Head in San Francisco”

He’s gotten his hands on some more period-appropriate clothing, including a bow tie and a vest. Since he’s not wearing arm garters and his sleeves appear to be the correct length for his arms, we can conclude that the shirt was custom-made, not ready-made, because Data is now a baller due to his poker earnings.

Then, Data sees this in the paper:

I know her!! From work!!!!

Yes, it’s Guinan. In 1893. In a hat!!!!

We cut to the literary reception, which is honestly not as well-attended as I thought it would be, considering it got a GIANT photo of Guinan on page THREE of the paper, but okay. And who should we spy there but:

You’ll love my secret blend of 11 herbs and spices

No, it’s not Colonel Sanders. (Sorry, I really have Colonel Sanders on the brain because of that Lifetime movie.) It’s Samuel Clements, AKA Mark Twain. I had an English teacher in high school who explained the origin of his pseudonym (it indicates a mark of two fathoms, aka twelve feet, on a steamboat) and for some reason she shouted MAAAARK TWAAAAAIN when she told us that story so now her delivery of that line is in my head until I die I guess.

Anyway, it’s Mark Twain.

He’s wearing his iconic white linen suit with a black bow tie, and he’s also wearing a lot of prosthetics, because the actor playing him (Jerry Hardin, AKA Deep Throat from The X-Files AKA Melora Hardin AKA Jan Levinson-Gould’s dad) (was that too many AKAs) (you get it, right?) didn’t look enough like Mark Twain, I guess? In conclusion: what if eyebrow wigs were a thing?

Twain is having a chit chat with “Madame Guinan,” who is wearing what can only be called a sumptuous gown:

It’s 11:30 and the gown is sumptin’ sumptin’

There are so many ELEMENTS to this look! First of all: the color. Royal purple. Fit for a queen. Appropriate.

Then: those sleeves! These sleeves are known as “leg of mutton sleeves” because they KIND OF look like a leg of mutton. Have you ever seen a leg of mutton? I haven’t. I’ve only seen these sleeves. Plus they have a stripe?? No, I don’t know why, but I LOVE IT.

The cuffs and the cravat bring this from “dress” to “lewk.” Top it all off with this hat and you have a true 1893 mood.

What bird is that feather even from

We get a few good extra looks in this scene as well:

Pink Lady is NOT wearing a corset

Look, sometimes you don’t have enough period-appropriate undergarments for all the background people and that’s fine. But I WILL notice.

Is that Loretta Lynn

I am loving all of this! That purple dress is fantastic, those stripes? I die. Military man has some fun flair on his shoulder, and there is a dude in a beautiful turban back there. Plus, another Black lady in addition to Guinan and That One Ensign Who Is On The Bridge Sometimes.

Data rolls in to the literary event in a different suit with a CRAVAT:

Craving a cravat

Data is like “we serve together on the same starship in the 24th century” and Guinan is like “huh” but then she’s like “okay” which...I’m not sure if I would believe that? But let’s just say it’s fine.

Over in the 24th century, the literal entire bridge crew is checking out the temporal disturbance and I DON’T LIKE THIS AT ALL:

Blue Man Group...on ACID

These beings are like ghosts but also like Dr. Manhattan but also like pure energy.

Then everyone goes through the temporal disturbance AND THE SEASON ENDS.

Fortunately for you, this post will continue...right now.

Okay, so we’re back in San Francisco in 1893. You can tell by the horses:

Also the fruit carts

Samuel Clemens is strolling around with a reporter, telling him that he has a great story for him that involves time travelers and, like, protecting the nation.

Here’s the thing about this episode’s version of Mark Twain: he’s kind of a dick. Was the real Mark Twain kind of a dick? I just feel like Mark Twain should be JAZZED about meeting time travelers and not acting like a fuckin’ time cop* and trying to put the Enterprise crew on blast.

Anyway I love his double-breasted vest.

See my vest

The reporter’s hat is technically period-accurate, but that style is SO associated with the 1930s-1950s that I would have gone with something else. He looks cute though.

Meanwhile, Data is wearing a three-piece suit:

My positronic olfactory synapses are interpreting something as...a fart

I hate brown, but this is fine.

Additionally, the beige baddies from before are back and this time, they’ve got a SNAKE CANE:

Love the snake cane, hate how they suck the life out of people

But we are not here for them, we are here to see our faves in period clothing. Our first look is at Riker, who is dressed as an actual cop, not a time cop like Mark Twain:

The past just had...so many buttons

I guess if you’re a time-traveling white man there are worse disguises than a cop. But WHERE DID HE GET THIS UNIFORM? I choose to believe that he found a cop with a similar large handsome body to his own and beat the shit out of him and stole his clothes. Now we can all enjoy imagining a cop being beat up.

The badge that Riker is wearing is a great historical detail; the SFPD started wearing them in 1886 and are reportedly the first law enforcement agency to have worn the seven-pointed star, which is now a common shape among sheriff’s departments across the United States.

But let’s move on to a better look: Dr. Beverly Crusher:

Curlz MT

Okay, now I have more questions. Beverly obviously wouldn’t beat someone up for their clothes, so where did SHE get HER outfit? And who did her hair? Did she do her OWN hair? Where did she get a curling iron? Does she know how to use a curling iron? Was it one of those ones that’s actually made of iron that you have to heat up in a fireplace?

We will get answers to zero (0) of these questions.

We actually get a much better look at her dress later, so let’s focus on that cloak!!! I love it and I also love her hat. Okay, I guess I had less to say about those than I thought.

Bev and Will, along with the rest of the officers, have somehow procured a room/apartment in some lady’s lodging house. It’s cute!

They gave it 5 stars on AirBnB

This also raises questions. How did they get this room? How many bedrooms does it have? Are they sharing one large bed? If so, who has to sleep crossways at the foot of the bed and why is it Geordi? We will get zero answers to these questions as well, so let’s move on to arguably the hottest costume in this two-parter:

I’ll be in Holodeck 4

Whewwwwwww. He’s giving us a rolled sleeve. He’s giving us a casual tweed vest. The pants? They’re perfect. And he KNOWS how that slouch is working. It’s working VERY well. But the Irish landlady? She’s having NONE OF IT.

Absolutely NO nonsense

She needs the rent, but Picard charms her and she leaves. So I guess that’s how they got the room. Her look is knitwear-forward:

Eileen Fisher does sound like an Irish name

She’s got a shawl AND a cardigan! The cozy factor is OFF THE CHARTS. She also has a brooch, because a touch of fancy is always welcome. I will say that her hair is a little more fashion-forward than I’d expect for a woman of her age and station. This is straight up 1890s hair, and she would probably still be rocking an 1860s look, which isn’t as sweepy and would likely involve more braids. Still, she looks lovely.

Geordi is also here looking dapper:

Make the collar as high as you can. I want to be sliced open by my own collar

You CAN go wrong with a three-piece suit, but it’s difficult to. He can’t wear his visor, so he has some kicky shades which we’ll get a better look at in a sec.

Back at the Hotel Brian (lol), the bellboy (who we learn in this scene is Jack London, inspired to be a writer by Mark Twain [citation needed]) lets Mark Twain into Data’s room and allows him to look around unsupervised. This is very bad hotel management.

Great Scott

Then Data and Guinan show back up, and Mark Twain hides in an armoire.

One short day in the emerald brocade

I think one reason I love Guinan’s looks so much, both in the 24th and the 19th century, is that our color palette is very similar. We’re both winters. Bold jewel tones are the vibe. This one is in a beautiful deep green fabric with what looks like a velvet flocking pattern on it. The collar is also velvet, and I love that sleeve with a flounce on top like there wasn’t already enough fucking fabric on the sleeve so they just added a random piece to be like “yes, bitch. I’m a sleeve.”

Naturally, the hat is also jaunty af:

San Francisco’s hottest milliner is: Madame Guinan

This hat has everything: feathers, netting, a brim, an angle that makes you think it’s going to fall off but it doesn’t. We stan.

Meanwhile, Picard is setting up a sensor in a hospital while wearing a hat:

I’m bowled over

We haven’t even asked where Picard got these clothes, but I would like to point out that he’s dressed as a lower-class guy, while Riker is a cop, and Geordi looks like a gentleman. Was there even a discussion they all had about how they would disguise themselves? Was Picard like “I just really want to wear a beat-up bowler hat” and since he’s the captain, they extrapolated from there? This episode is NOT CONCERNED about any of this. They all have clothes, end of story.

Bev even has TWO outfits!!

Hello nurse!!!!

I love this look. She still has her unlikely hairstyle happening, which means her nurse’s cap is sitting atop her voluminous hairstyle. (Not very practical, but realistic!) She’s sporting a simple striped dress and a button-on apron. (Look closely and you can see the two buttons holding the apron to the dress.) The fabric underneath might be cotton seersucker, but it’s likely a lightweight cotton or linen twill. You can see how closely her look matches these nurses from a similar time period:

Hello nurses!!!!

Deanna is also in this scene and this episode, but you wouldn’t know it from what she’s given to do. HUGE SHOCKER: TROI NOT GIVEN ENOUGH TO DO IN AN EPISODE. 🙃

She still looks beautiful:

Why aren’t capelets more popular

We never get a really GREAT look at her whole outfit, but I can tell you that it has a capelet, it’s in the red family, and the hat has a lot of business going on. For those reasons: approved. It has a flounce in the back too:

More fabric = more wealth

Sometimes I think about just how much fabric it took to make these old-timey dresses and I’m like...how did anyone get anything done?? It takes me like 4 weeks to finish a pair of leggings and those have like 5 seams and I own a serger. These historical bitches were sewing whole ass dresses in no time at all.

Okay, so Bev is in this hospital and here come some more energy-stealing aliens, disguised as healthcare professionals this time:

I cannot take a medical professional wearing a LIGHT BROWN TOP HAT seriously, sorry

Bev AND this energy-stealing alien have BOTH managed to get their hands on the SAME nurse’s uniform?? I guess in the case of the alien, she is a shape-shifter, so she got her clothes from...that. And her hair.

I hate this light brown top hat. If you’re going to wear a top hat, don’t DISRESPECT IT by making it BROWN, but if you’re going to make it brown, make it a good brown, like chocolate. Stupid energy-stealing aliens.

There’s a skirmish, the energy-stealing aliens disappear, and the real cops show up:

MOUSTACHE

Of course, the cops showing up is bad, because when has a cop showing up ever made a bad situation better? Never. Defund the police, but don’t defund handlebar mustaches. Those can stay.

Fortunately, Data has gotten a ping on that machine he was building before and shows up on a motherfucking HORSE:

Brent just wanted to show off

He’s back in his brown striped suit and red tie. Okay.

Everyone returns to the boarding house to suss out the situation, and we get a look at what Riker is rocking underneath his cop jacket:

Suspend me daddy

You can see very clearly here how the collar is not actually attached to the shirt. This was a thing people in the olden days did so they could wear their shirt for multiple days in a row and just switch out the collar and cuffs so they looked clean. As someone who is wearing the same sweatshirt for the third day in a row, I support this method. (If you’re interested on more info about collars, here is a very enjoyable article about them.)

We are also blessed with a better look at Deanna’s sleeves and bodice:

Black lace cuffs? Decadent!!!

You can also see Geordi’s shades, which suit him really nicely. One thing I’ve been enjoying on this rewatch is just how well LeVar Burton can act without having his eyes visible. He’s great. Let’s just all think about how great LeVar Burton is for a second

And also Bev’s dress:

I legitimately want this dress

I don’t think those buttons are functional. Can you imagine how annoying THAT would be? But I am absolutely in love with this dress. Two paisleys, Beverly???? A goddess. I’m also dying for that brooch with the chain. A+ look all around, great work.

Finally, FINALLY, Guinan meets the rest of the crew:

When you meet someone you won’t actually know for 500 years

She is wearing a hat that looks like a toilet paper cozy. Did your grandma have one of these? They’re so stupid and I love them so much.

Picard and Guinan meet for what is the first time for her, but not the first time for him, and honestly it is...sensual?????

If I got a m’lady from P. Stew I wouldn’t even mind

Patrick and Whoopi truly do some nice work in this ep. But we are here to yell about clothes, so: LOOK AT THIS DRESS ON AN EXTRA:

Gimme dat dress

I just want that dress to wear around my house. I legitimately bought an 18th century costume dress to do just that, so don’t think I won’t literally do this.

OKAY, WE ARE ALMOST TO THE END.

The crew, plus Guinan, go back to the cave where this all started:

Cave Club, the only club that meets in a cave

We get a nice look at the bodice of Guinan’s dress here and guess what: MORE BUTTONS. Buttons on the lapels, and also buttons on the front panel with the pointy top. I wonder if she has multiple front panels for that dress in different colors, like a Swatch watch.

Unbeknownst to them, Mark Twain followed them!! Then there’s a scuffle with the energy-stealing aliens during which a few things happen:

Data’s head flies off

Mark Twain gets sucked into the temporal disturbance

Guinan gets hurt

Picard stays behind to make sure Guinan is okay

So we end up with Mark Twain on the Enterprise, where he sees Worf, and he’s like:

Buh-WHAT

Worf is also confused:

This is...extremely perplexing

We have a few more looks back on the Enterprise, including Regular Guinan:

ShoulderSpreads™: The Bed Spread for Your Shoulders

I love love LOVE this outfit. The color is perfect, the shoulderspreads are perfect, the front draping is perfect. It looks like a velvet housedress from the 1960s except FANCY which is kind of my ideal aesthetic. And it’s red (my fave).

We get a quick glimpse at the barber uniform:

Bitch let me pass, idc if you wrote Huck Finn

This barber does. not. give. a. fuck!!!!

Geordi reattaches Data’s head, the one they already had, which means this whole thing was a ding dang closed loop. The reattachment also kind of diminishes the whole conversation they had earlier about how Data’s head in the cave meant that Data could die someday, because...he didn’t. He still might, but his head is back and he’s fine now.

Meanwhile, Picard is still back in 1893 and they have to go get him, but only one person can come back through the temporal disturbance, so Mark Twain is like “duh I’ll go get him.”

And finally Guinan and Picard can talk about how their friendship spans 500 years!!!!

Hey girl

Hey

YOU’RE WELCOME

*abolish the police

#SEASON 5 #SEASON 6 #TNG #TNG FASHION #STAR TREK #STAR TREK FASHION

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thebadchoicemachine · 3 years

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Petting Party (pt 1)

Rundown of dimensions AU: Quackity’s from 1920s dimension called Prowa, Schlatt and Charlie are his business partners *cough found family cough* and they run a casino/speakeasy. Sapnap is a knight from a fantasy dimension called Quarry. Karl is like Dr.Who.

tw - Mentions of guns and alcohol (1920s mobster dimension)

This is really just the fluffiest full I have ever written.

•••

@thecatchat

•••

Quackity walked through his rooms, digging around drawers for his keys. He squawked a little in frustration as he rummaged. He felt so paranoid, like he was already short on time even though he was about half an hour early and it’s not like Sapnap or Karl would mind waiting. He just wanted this to go perfectly. They’d had dates in his world before, they’d even had proper ones where they weren’t running from cops or mobsters or some other guns/knife/bat-wielding foes. Heh, foes. He was starting to think like Sapnap… and he was starting to feel like Karl— where was his damn key? Karl had literal worlds full of stuff to keep track of, it only made sense he got turned around and mixed up, what was Quackity’s excuse?

Finally, a glint caught his eye and he snatched up the silver piece of metal, stuffing it into his sleeve and practically skipping to the front. Their home was really just the back half of the casino so he just walked through into the back room. Schlatt and Charlie were sitting at a table, various game pieces scattered across the top, counting cards, chips, and cash. Charlie seemed to be in the middle of a failed game of solitaire and was stacking up a house of cards while Schlatt was just old-fashioned sorting, looking rather bored. It was a quiet night for them. Probably a few drinks and catching up till bed after they double-check the games for cheating. Quackity would usually join them but it wasn’t strange for him not to show. He gave them a wave as he walked past, motion enough for them to look up and acknowledge him.

Schlatt only glanced up before returning to his work. “What’s with the getup?”

“I told youse, I’m going out tonight.”

“Doesn’t answer my question.”

“I’m going out to meet my partners.” Quackity struck a joking pose. “No harm in good impressions.”

“Hey,” Charlie frowned childishly, “aren’t we your partners?”

Quackity chuckled, rolling his eyes, “Of course. My new partners, then. Actually, lemme see a cut of that doe, I wanna butter ‘em up tonight.” He snatched a few bills from the table and turned to make his exit.

“Wait,” Schlatt commanded, still barely looking up from his work. “Partners like you’re out for coffee to discuss getting new tables?” He took a sharp bite of his apple, eyes lazily growing dark. “Or do youse mean partners like I outta trail behind... y’know, keep you from gettin’ lead poisoning.”

“Uh...” Quackity blinked. “Partners like I’m off to a petting party.”

Schlatt choked. Charlie laughed while he coughed, moving to pat his back and smiled at Quackity. “Well, good luck.”

Quackity narrowed his eyes as he was almost certain he caught a ‘all knows you need it’ under Charlie’s breath. He played it cool and simply snapped, “Hey, I don’t need no luck. Certainly not from you.”

“Sorry, sorry, didn’t mean to offend.” Charlie held his hands up, grin still plastering his face. “Was just wishing you the best.”

“Yeah... yeah,” Schlatt nodded, coming out of his state but still red-faced. Whether it was from embarrassment or lack of air Quackity couldn’t tell. He rolled his eyes again, smiling but waving goodbye without giving them a chance to drag him onto another conversation.

He stepped into the front, waiting patiently by the front of the door. Karl had said they’d meet him at the Vidrio, but should he wait inside or out? He paced, routinely adjusting his feathered headband and combing the actual feathers on his wings. He still worried he was overdressing a little but when he tried to lessen his look he panicked about underdressing. He wanted to look good for his boyfriends, a bit of makeup wouldn’t hurt that... would it? In the end, he’d settled on a simple pale blue dress, eyeliner, and a small headband. Nothing too gaudy but he still looked good. He looked good in everything, of course, he had absolutely nothing to worry about. So why was he all jittery? What, was he suddenly a dud? It didn’t matter. It was probably just because of the surprise factor.

He’d assumed they would come and get outfits at his place (no offense to them, they just really couldn’t go the way they usually dressed) but Karl had insisted they pick him up like a “proper date.” He didn’t know what Karl knew about proper dates or when he’d started to care about them, most of their dates involved some form of running for their lives. Quackity wasn’t complaining but he’d be lying if he said the idea of just being a snuggle pup for a change wasn’t wildly appealing, especially if it meant getting to have Sapnap and Karl got to hang out in his world and not just flee and sneak. There were some nice things here he felt he never got to show them.

He sunk into himself, suddenly feeling ashamed. It was bad manners, it was. Combining his work and love life to the point he may as well have made chumps out of his own boyfriends. He knew they didn’t mind, it was all new and fun for them and he was pretty sure Sapnap did the same thing. (He wasn’t entirely sure what his job was, like a knight sure but where was the line between work and just regular old Quarrian life?) Still. He should take them dancing more or something. Technically, that’s what he was doing here but he’d like to make a better habit of it, it really sounded like the bees-

A bright, impossible, but familiar, swirl interrupted his thoughts. He straightened himself, quickly fixing his headband one last time. His heart was pounding out of his chest— but not because he was nervous, because he was excited. He couldn’t stop himself from smiling like a giddy sap as out from the portal stepped Karl and Sapnap. His breath was caught in his throat as he got a good look at them. He wasn’t sure what he expected, nothing bad, but he mentally made a note to give them an apology for being SO wrong. Whatever he’d imagined, they looked a million times better.

Sapnap was in a white dress shirt. He had on a maroon vest and black tie he clearly didn’t know how to wear but wore well nonetheless. He had his hair slicked back, completely showing his pretty silvery, misty, eyes. Quackity noted the headband he usually wore in his hair was tied in a ribbon around his neck. Sapnap just couldn’t be without it, he warmly mused.

Karl had on something with colors in patterns like Quackity had never seen before, not in his world at least, which— of course, it was Karl. Beautiful, strange, mysterious, adorable Karl. The top of the pantsuit was made of several pale shades of green. They washed over it like waves of seafoam, a strip of pale purple lace swirled around it, almost mimicking a deconstructed form of his usual crazy attire. A herringbone cap was pulled over his head, shaping brown curls.

Quackity stared, absolutely gobsmacked, until his brain caught up to his eyes. Sapnap was saying something and waving his hand a little. Quackity blinked, shaking himself out of it. Egad, he was goofy for them. Luckily, Karl and Sapnap didn’t seem to mind his zoning out. In fact, Karl seemed to find it tickling, he clearly held in a giggle as Quackity snapped to. Quackity guessed this wasn’t the first time he’d found himself stunned. It certainly wouldn’t be the last either.

“Hey, jackpot,” Sapnap gently flicked his forehead. “I asked how you think we look.”

“You... good. You look good. Mmhmm,” he managed to squeak out, finally remembering to close his mouth. Slick. He was slick.

“I’m glad you like it,” Karl chuckled. “I know you don’t really trust me to dress myself for nice places in Prowa.”

“Hey, I never said I didn’t trust you!”

“You never said it, no.”

Quackity gave Karl a small punch in the shoulder. He flinched way more than was warranted, stumbling dramatically, but a broad smile settled on both their faces.

“Aw, sugar! Did I hurt you?”

“Yes!”

“Hey, hey! Sir,” Sapnap stepped between them, also joking. “What is wrong with you, daring to assault my beloved in front of me?” He threateningly toward over Quackity, grabbing his shoulders and backing him up against the wall. His eyes flickered with playful malice. He leaned in close, expression caught between a smirk and a snarl, completely aware of the growing blush on Quackity’s face. “I’ve half a mind to challenge you, and another half to crush you right here for your audacity.”

“Aw, my knight in shining armor,” Karl sarcastically patted Sapnap’s shoulder, thoroughly less impressed by the display than Quackity. “Whatever would I do without you here to defend me from this sweet, cuddly, small, duckling?”

“Hey!” Quackity snapped defensively. “I could fuck you up if I-“

“Ey, Q! Have you seen-“ Schlatt stopped upon seeing the scene, turning on his heel and walking right back into the back. “Nevermind. Not my business. None of my business. Absolutely not my business…”

“I-“ Sapnap dropped his boyfriend (who crumpled onto the floor in laughter), instantly turning a shade twelve times redder than Quackity had been. “I am so sorry.”

“Ah- Schlatt?” Karl called over Quackity’s wheezing. “Schlatt, it’s fine-“

“NONE OF MY BUSINESS!” A shout came from the backroom.

Quackity dropped his face into his hands, his chortling turned to full hysterics as he sat curled up against the wall. His dress, which he had been so unreasonable nervous about moments before, creased and probably picked up some grime from the floor. He didn’t care at all. Now that his boyfriends were actually beside him he could care less if he was painted green and orange. He had no one to impress, at least no one who would let anything bad happen over a stupid look. “Oh,” he snickered, the burst dying down. “Oh wow.” He wiped his eyes as jubilant tears stung, apathetic as he’d become he hoped his makeup didn’t run. It wasn’t necessary but he’d still like to look nice for the occasion. He pulled himself to his feet, brushing off his outfit and sighing. “Ah. He’s got a point though, really should be saving that for the party.”

“Speaking of which—“ Karl snapped his fingers in a jazzy rhythm. “Are we ready to go?”

“Yes, let’s!” Sapnap turned with Karl as all three of them began to speed out the door.

Quackity made sure to bump in front of them before they made it out, he was not letting Karl anywhere near the wheel.

The car ride was bright and lively although quiet. Quackity couldn’t help but grin just being next to these goons, one could practically feel Karl vibrating with excitement in the back, even Sapnap seemed to be enjoying the drive (he’d never quite gotten over the time Karl had offered to drive... Quackity could barely blame him for remaining he cautious and paranoid around automobiles). The blanched twilight hummed overhead as they made their way through the streets. It was relatively empty this time of night, too late for errands but just before everything started to swing. They pulled into the end of the road and all stepped out.

“It’s a bit of a walk the rest of the way,” Quackity explained. “Especially cause ‘s considered… ‘impolite’ to pull attention.”

“Hmm…” Sapnap nodded, glancing behind them.

“What’s up?” Karl put a hand on his shoulder.

“Nothing.”

“You sure?”

“It’s fine, I just-“

“Just what?”

“Uh, maybewecouldgoseeSchlattandCharlie?”

“Huh?” Karl blinked.

“Is… Schlatt and Charlie coming? Could we go get them?”

“N-no?” Quackity stammered, surprised to say the least. “This— uh- ain’t exactly the kind of party you bring your family to. Not ‘less they got dates of their own... and you know Charlie ain’t keen on that stuff.”

“Okay, well, maybe we could spend some time with them for a while at the casino? Before we commit here. The night is young!”

“I means, I’m pumped for your sudden urge to hang out with them and all, but I kind of wanted to spend time with the two of you.”

“Ah-“ Sapnap shrunk into himself. “Of course, I- me as well, I’m so sorry to imply otherwise. I was just thinking Charlie may like to hear about the slimes...” He trailed off, fiddling with the headband around his neck, just the slightest hint of panic on his face. He was very good at hiding it but Quackity and Karl knew him better than that. They shared a glance, this had nothing to do with Charlie.

“Spice, are youse nervous?”

“N-no!”

“You sure? We don’t gots to do nothing you don’t wanna.”

“Yeah, it’s just-“

“Chivalry and all that?” Karl chimed in, sympathetic. “I know our courting isn’t exactly conventional.”

“No. Well, not exactly. Ah... think I’m merely... flustered?”

“Flustered?” They spoke at once.

He nodded, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s just… romance in my world is so different. Much more complicated. It involves a lot of the other’s family and specific sets or roles for meetings, it changes depending on how long you’ve been together and what kingdoms you hail from, so such and so forth. I’ve never been a martinet for the rules but, the way you describe these kinds of parties, I- I- find myself… lost.”

Karl blinked. “So, you’re used to having a bunch of guidelines and, while you don’t miss them, are floundering without the stencil?” Sapnap nodded at the ground. He took a breath and shook his head, clearing his mind before bowing slightly. He held his left arm over his chest, middle knuckle up with his pinky and thumb slightly out, keeping the rest of his hand balled in a fist. Quackity recognized the symbol by now as something like a salute of the Nether kingdom. It was used to show respect while speaking. He stopped himself from rolling his eyes, remembering the formality was only habit.

“I apologize for my trepidation,” Sapnap held a bashful tone. “I am just not used to courti-“ he paused, searching for the word, “dates being so… open. I don’t mean that as an insult to your world! I only-.”

“Okay, buddy,” Quackity pushed Sapnap upright by his shoulders. He seemed confused but obliged. “I get it’s polite and nice for you but, if you really love me, please never do this again.”

“Do... what?”

“You have a habit of getting all formal when you’re worried you’re messing up with us.” Karl shrugged.

“I do?”

“I don’t know.” Quackity tapped his chin. “Let’s see.” Without warning, he grabbed Sapnap by the shoulders and takes him downward, planting a firm kiss right on his lips. He tensed a little as he felt a sudden wave of hotness wash over him (that was to be expected from surprising a demon) but stayed in the moment. As he pulled away, Sapnap blinked a few times, stunned although the faintest hint of a smile shone through. His gelled hair fell just a little messy.

“What the fuck, Quackity?”

“There we go! Back to normal! You see the difference?”

“I- I guess so!” He nodded, a look of mild surprise mixing his comprehension as if he’d just realized what color his own eyes were.

“Now, did youse like that?”

“Yes?”

“You want more?”

“Yes...”

“You wanna go inside?”

“Yeah.” Sapnap energetically nodded, slamming the car door shut, slicking back his hair again, and holding out his arms. “Yes, I do.”

Karl jumped between them, linking arms on his side before Quackity had the chance, and holding out his own instead. Quackity shot him a look but took it, joined by Sapnap in confusion at the sudden demand to be in the middle. Karl only smiled as they made their way down the street, nearly skipping at the attention until he lowly murmured, “So… do I get a kiss?” Quackity opened his mouth, smiling, but was cut off by Sapnap swiftly swooping in and planting one on Karl’s cheek.

“Oh- you-!” Quackity squawked, envy and agitation peaking his tone. “I was gonna-!”

“Well, I did.”

“Boys, boys, I do have two hands… and two cheeks,” Karl half-sang, leaning over to Quackity awaiting his kiss.

“Oh, no. Fuck you. You’re gonna have to wait for it now,” Quackity pouted. Sapnap let out a taunting laugh as Karl gasped in mock offense. Well, probably mock. Regardless, Quackity only smirked and turned to face a door in the wall next to them. “Besides, we’re here!” He unlinked his arm, rattling out a little pattern into the door. It opened slowly, revealing a dapperly dressed serpentine blocking the view inside. He smiled wildly as the warm smells and colors hit him regardless, it had been a while since he’d been to one of these, long before he ever met them and certainly not while they were dating, but he missed them.

He couldn’t wait to share this.

#karlnapity dimensions #ksq dimensions content #karlnapity fluff #woah those are words I wrote

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kathyprior4200 · 4 years

Text

Hazbinphobia: Arrival of Adina

Adina fan art collage

Adina artists: (PLEASE GO SUPPORT)

Vivziepop

Hele-nae https://www.deviantart.com/hele-nae/art/Adina-and-Fitch-594650932

Buhitter https://buhitter.com/search?q=zoophobia

https://buhitter.com/author/AngelOfTheCode

MatrixArt28 https://www.deviantart.com/matrixart28/art/Adina-VivziePop-600498071

http://www.tjhongshengyuan.com/video/av33912053/?spm_id_from=333.788.videocard.5

SLoad666 https://aminoapps.com/c/hazbin_zoophobia/page/blog/a-d-i-n-a-fan-art/eYJp_lgQt3uEb4KZR62402Lp0ZnDe7DgDz6

“Here There Be Dragons”

“In the very beginning, a primordial force (known as Mother V by mortals), existed in the dark antimatter in space. The force caused a major explosion, one that mortals call the Big Bang. After stars and galaxies were formed, planets soon followed. Crafted from that very explosion was an all-powerful being: God. He was everywhere, where there was light, He existed within it. With a flick of His finger, He created the sun, moon, stars and the planets in the Milky Way Galaxy. Then, three main dimensions were formed: Heaven, Earth, and Hell.”

“The first one was Heaven, His residence. It was a marvelous place, with buildings made of gold, sitting on top of fluffy white clouds. The sky was endlessly blue, the environment a paradise. Angels were formed, divided into nine hierarchies: Seraphim, Cherubim, Thrones, Powers, Principalities, Dominions, Virtues, Archangels and Angels. Jesus was the son of God who was killed on Earth, then reborn. God soon created His Archangels: Michael, Gabriel, Raphael, Uriel, Azrael (black haired Angel of Death), among many others. His favorite one, however, was Lucifer, the Light Bearer. Lucifer was the embodiment of pride and perfection. The Rings of Moon, Mercury, Venus, Sun, Jupiter, Saturn, Fixed Stars and Primum Mobile were formed, God existing in the last one. (Also called the Rings of Faith, Hope, Love, Charity, Fortitude, Justice, Temperance, Prudence, and Wisdom). C.H.E.R.U.B. was an organization that saved lives on Earth, traveling to the living world via the Bible. It consisted of sheep cherubs and a cherub boy.”

“The denizens of Heaven were animal-like (like those in Hell), and were ignorant to those suffering in Hell. They took on traits of flowers, harps, doves, dogs, cats, swans and other things considered “holy” or “pleasing” (unlike the spiders, and mythical monsters in Hell). Heaven, too, consisted of councils and Overlords who ruled certain Rings of Heaven, though they were far more just than the ones in Hell. Like in Hell, there were those born in Heaven (the Heaven Born) and do-gooders (the opposite of sinners). Like those born in Hell, the Heaven-Born had more power and a higher status than the do-gooders who had formerly been human. In God’s garden stood the Tree of Life and the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil.”

“For many years, all was well.”

“Then one day, God decided to create new beings in His image, who could reproduce and unite with Him after death. They were called humans. The prideful Lucifer did not like the thought of God favoring man over angels. To Lucifer, he and the other angels were superior to humans and mostly immortal…why would God favor man instead?”

“Flooded with pride and anger over God’s strict rules, Lucifer ignited a rebellion against Him. Using his Morning Star sword, Lucifer fought Michael and Gabriel, leading other angels who followed him. God told Lucifer to submit and to end the madness, but the light-bearer refused. Michael defeated Lucifer and soon enough…Lucifer and the angels on his side were banished from Heaven.”

“The second world was Earth, consisting of oceans, land, animals, plants and humans. It was a neutral world between Heaven and Hell. Mortals there could be good or evil or many shades in between. The majority of them were flawed in God’s eyes, so only those worthy enough could go to Heaven. This often translated to straight, white, faithful men getting first pick. Humanity evolved from cavemen to farmers, to townsfolk and city-goers. Wars were fought, inventions were made, and lives were lost and gained. For the most part, humans were concerned with themselves, for better or worse.”

“Lucifer roamed the Earth for a thousand years before being sent to Hell, the fiery third world. There, he became king, while Lilith became queen after her banishment. Together, they created Hell and Pentagram City as a place where fallen angels and sinners could freely express themselves and take whatever risks they wanted. Drugs, murder, rape, and thievery were rampant. Overlords were placed into positions of power, ruling territories and districts. The Rings of Limbo, Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Wrath, Heresy, Violence, Fraud, and Treachery were formed, Satan being trapped in ice in the last one. The Immediate Murder Professionals consisted of imps who would travel to Earth to kill humans upon the requests of their demon clients. Lucifer and Lilith raised their princess daughter, Charlie, who always saw the good in everyone. Charlie would later form the Hazbin Hotel to try and redeem sinners so they could potentially go to Heaven, in order to stop the yearly purges.”

“Parallel to the Hazbin world was the world of Zoophobia. It was a world where humans, animals and anthromorphic beings (bi pedal animals with human traits) coexisted. Bi-pedal animals took refuge in Safe Haven to escape the humans who despised their differences. Safe Haven was one of the districts where Xirxine Labs and Phoenix Academy resided. A human named Cameron was sent to the academy by a mischievous goddess, knowing she had an extreme fear of animals. She eventually got to know the staff and students there, working as a therapist to help the teens. A Heaven and Hell also existed in the Zoophobia world. In Hell, there lived mythical monsters, Lucifer, his fox wife and trouble-making son Damion. Up in Heaven were angels, the same God as before and an angel named Adina.”

“Who is Adina? She is a white, centuries-old angel with glowing teal eyes, long lashes and long white hair. She has large white feathery wings extending from her back. She wears a white dress and robe, bordered by dark teal trim with little white Christian crosses along it. Adina is the mother of dragons in Zoophobia and spiritual consort to God. She was created by God to “save” some people while torturing others. In this way, she performs many tasks: 1. Instilling fear in sinners 2. Encouraging more people to worship the Heavenly Father 3. Gathering information and allies to use against Hell 4. Caring for her sons, whom she created. Adina is also the head of the Exorcists or Exterminators who purge demons in the Hazbin Hell every year.”

“Like Samael and the Exterminators, Adina enjoys torturing demons and sinners, often creating illusions of their worst fears. Her methods and the annual exterminations are ways of keeping demons in line, for them to know their fate and to not rebel against God and Heaven, like Lucifer did. She also has the ability to possesses others and convince them to take her side. Those influenced by her will have teal glowing eyes. (Take Mirage, the killer demon who possessed a brown-haired young woman. She caused havoc until Adina took control of both of their souls, creating a formidable ally.) Chainsaw, a white being with a chainsaw weapon with a cross on it, is Adina’s merciless ally.”

“However, Adina’s closest allies in the fight against sinners are us dragons.”

“Oh? Allow me to introduce myself…”

Surrounded by a teal aura, a humanoid silently walks forward. He is slender with a pointed dark teal tail, black pants and a green vest with white sleeves. He has a white face, a pointed chin and nose and rectangular glasses. His analytical eyes are light green sclera and glowing teal irises, like Adina’s teal eyes. His hair is dark green with two tall furry tufts with light teal tips atop his head.

“I am Fitch, dragon shapeshifter and oldest son of Adina. My large dragon form is in various shades of green: light green stripped underbelly, dark green tail and wings, spikes going along my back. My tail, claws and horns form my head all have teal tips, followed by forest green colorations. My mouth looks beak-like when it’s closed, but my teeth are sharp as ever.”

“I am a demon hunter along with my mother. From a very young age, I have learned to wield a variety of weapons to use against the demons of both Hells. (I’ve only been to the Hazbin world once, and I barely remember). One of my signature weapons is a staff with several spinning blades on it. Many people think I’m heartless, a merciless killing machine, but like Azrael, I’m merely doing my job. My mother enjoys manipulating people and killing demons…it’s just the way she is. My mother also supports Xirxine Labs, the facility where scientists perform experiments on Zoophobia denizens. They may be unethical, but sacrifices must be made in the phases of progress.”

As for me? I feel no remorse nor joy in particular. Demons are like rabid animals wrecking havoc across the realms…someone has to interrogate them and take necessary means.”

“I have three younger brothers.”

Another dragon walks forward, surrounded by dark purple and yellow. He wears thin yellow shoes and long black pants with yellow ends. His curvy black tail is decorated with several dark bows shaped like butterflies. His undershirt is yellow and his tailcoat is the same color as his pants, complete with buttons and a black bow tie under his neck. His face is pale, his eyes have lavender sclera and yellow irises. Finally, his hair is dark black, almost purple, with yellow bangs and tips on his two tufts.

In his dragon form, his skin is thick and purple. He has the black bow tie and buttons along his back, spines down his back, large wings and two sharp horns.

“Marx is a film producer and believed to be a former stage actor. He considers himself a victim of circumstance and is often very grumpy and bad-tempered. Marx and I are no longer in contact, due to disagreeing with certain life choices we have made. He makes me sick. Seriously, he goes around trying to impress others with his so called theater performances instead of doing more important work. Not to mention, joining the mafia, no less! You, know, the shady flirtatious black and yellow Castello, his brother Ribbon who does his dirty work and Salem, part of his black cat army. That mafia is almost as bad as that Italian Hazbin one with Henroin, Angel Dust, Arackniss, and Molly.”

“Safe Haven is supposed to be a secure place where the bi-pedal animals don’t have to worry about paranoid humans hunting them down. But the mafia and the monsters who keep entering the world thanks to that troublesome goddess makes things difficult. At least Lesson, the white cat, helps encourage people to seek the right path and convert to Christianity, like my mother wants. In fact, he works for her and Heaven (Though, his too-wide smile and eagerness gives me the creeps.)”

“Gustav, that German self-centered snake student teacher is Marx’s adopted son. He only likes students with talent; I heard he was very mean to a shy girl on stage.”

Fitch sighs deeply.

“Marx going against our mother’s wishes is seriously going to get him into major trouble. Thanks to Adina, my place in Heaven is already guaranteed. (And yes, “thou shall not kill” is in the Commandments but sometimes killing evil is necessary).”

“Alright, enough about him.”

Another dragon enters. He has a large goofy grin, a green shirt and a pale green face. His eyes are cloudy white, indicating blindness. His hair is jet black, black bangs going sideways and black tufts. In his dragon form, he is slender with light green and dark green colors blending into each other.

“Malcom…I rarely think about, actually. He is a blind dragon teacher at Phoenix Academy. Apparently, he’s friends with another teacher named Perci. His blindness helps heighten his other senses. He’s passionate about learning and helping others. Meh. I consider him a coward, as he’s not willing to kill off any demons. At least he’s not like Marx.”

“And finally…”

The last dragon emerges, surrounded by orange and red. He wears black and white shoes, long red pants, and a black tank top. A spiked collar is around his neck, giving him a gothic look. His claws are black and his skin is white with an array of lines and symbols on it like tattoos. His sclera are orange, his irises red. His hair is a fiery bold orange, as are his two ear tufts. In his dragon form, he is white with black spikes down his back, tattered wings with the black designs, and a tail with sharp orange spikes at the end. His clawed feet are red-orange.

“Hatchet and I see each other often. He is a handful, but admittedly, my closest family. Hatchet can create things with his fire and loves eating rabbits. His acid is acidic, so others would best steer clear. When he’s not eating rabbits or goofing off, he does pyrotechnic tricks, such as twirling flaming batons around. Perhaps he grew attached to me back when I would take care of him when we were younger. He was often the wild one, always getting into mischief. We all live distant lives now. Like Malcom, Hatchet always tries to get along with all of us. Though Malcom and Marx are perhaps closer to each other, like Hatchet is with me. Heh. Strange how two dragons with opposite personalities could get along so well. Adina likes all four of us, but she and I are closest.”

“Yes, that’s about it. Adina and I have been through a lot.”

“I remember those moments when Adina would coax people, like the green haired Iggly student into her wings, getting him to tell her everything. I’ll never get over that terrified look on his face.”

“Or when Adina tortured a white spider demon with his worst fears and said, ‘There is no mercy for the damned.’”

“She once saved this pink bi-pedal animal, embracing her and saying, “Let me save you, my little creature.” My mother always tries to do what is best, even though other people seem to be afraid of her.”

“One other time, I fought and interrogated an uncooperative demon with red eyes. Adina hovered by my side as I raised my teal weapon over his head. She declared, ‘Such is the will of the Lord, so shall it be…’ Later I accidentally killed a delicate white butterfly creature in my hands. I’ve been mocked over my love of butterflies by my brothers, my father, and by many in Zoophobia.”

“Whenever I would get tired or hesitant about my job, my mother would give me a warm smile and say in her soothing voice, “Just remember, it’s for the greater good.” Those words have stayed with me since. It always hurts when Adina says she’s disappointed in me after I fail a task, which is rare, thankfully. But I do what I do for her…it’s my one purpose in this life.”

“I know that those demonic beasts have a safe haven in the Hazbin world like the demons do in Zoophobia’s Hell. Maybe once mother and I find it, we can stop those scum from spreading and planning devious things. Of course, we would need to take out the powerful ones when we can. Everyone knows that angelic blades can instantly kill demons. That’s why I carry mine wherever I go.”

“Adina has summoned all four of us to go on a mission. Not like the interrogation or cleansing missions in Zoophobia Hell. No. This mission was very special. The four of us were to accompany her to the Hazbin Hell world, and find out more information about the princess and her hotel. Some say that the princess wants to unite Heaven and Hell’s denizens of the Hazbin world to create a larger diverse culture full of music, laughter and dancing creatures. Preposterous.”

“God had heard about the program from a distance. Rumor was, if demons were to be redeemed, Heaven would get overcrowded and chaos would ensue. The unwanted guests would disrupt the entire Heavenly system, possibly creating an apocalyptic war as deadly as the one where Lucifer tried to fight God. God only allows those with no flaws or sins to enter Heaven; it’s been that way for centuries. Adina, God, the angels and exorcists all agree that those in Hell are dangerous and should not be allowed into paradise.”

“Hatchet and I remain loyal to mother, though for Hatchet, it’s mostly because he cares for me and doesn’t want to let me down. Marx is grumpy and reluctant as usual. Perhaps he’s upset over a broken relationship or a show or something, not that I care. I briefly saw him drinking at a bar one time. Malcom, blind as he is, looks concerned. He obviously doesn’t want to leave his students and partake in this mission. Alas, Adina is a powerful being, perhaps second to God, so no one dare disobey her if they want to live a pain-free existence. Being dragon-shapeshifters, we can easily fight when needed. And in our bi-pedal forms, we can easily spy and blend in with Hell’s inhabitants.”

“Adina brings out a special device, shaped like a music box. It is golden and pink in color, nearly indestructible. After typing in a code (A24, 921028, VVZPP), the music box slowly opens with a faint whirl, revealing a figure of a fluffy cat. The cat slowly turns around on the stand as cheery music begins to play from the box. The cat stops and from its eyes, flashes a black outline of a portal in the air.”

“The portal lights up in neon pink, revealing elaborate symbols and one spot shaped like a horse named Spindle.”

“There was only one other device in the Hazbin world that could open a portal to Zoophobia, Heaven and perhaps Earth (along with open any door in the Hazbin Hotel), it was another music box with a black winged Sinner’s Key. All that was needed was the key or a grimoire) and a powerful demon or angel who could open portals.”

“A golden Do-Gooder’s Key (The kind used in Heaven) is revealed from an outward moving slot from inside the box. Adina picks it up with her delicate white fingers and places it through a glowing key hole in the portal. After she turns and releases it…”

“Vivienne, Vivienne, Aperiam in porta!”

“Adina chants the phrase to open the glowing portal in front of us. It is the only known gateway to the Hazbin world. The fabric of Zoophobia fades in front of us, revealing a hole to a crimson sky world.”

“We all get ready to go through...set to fulfil our destinies…”

“But let’s go back to the past a bit…”

“The Dragon’s Keep”

Many years ago, my brothers and I were born from special eggs in the Zoophobia world. Adina became lonely over the centuries. Although she had lots of power, it was tiring to travel to different worlds and interrogate denizens all the time. She eventually wanted someone to help her out in her work. Although she was ruthless to demons, she did care deeply for those in Zoophobia and Heaven. She felt like she was part of something bigger; she was doing part of His work, after all.

“Oh what a marvelous place Heaven is,” she sighed to herself. “But the days drag on. I feel my legacy will eventually go unnoticed. If only there was a way I could pass down my values to a new generation.”

Then, it came to her: she wanted children of her own.

But in Heaven, casual sex was seen as one of the many sins not allowed. Plus, angels and demons were creatures that could not reproduce, unlike humans.

Adina soon went to God for advice, bowing respectfully when she saw Him. She stood on a light blue rug that led to a set of marble steps. Golden pillars reached up into the sky, hovering on clouds that appeared on both sides of the open space hall. Two guards dressed in white stood hovering on either side, with flames for faces and six red wings flapping softly from their backs. Above Adina were the fixed stars and galaxies, shining brightly overhead, in contrast to the sky on the sides. Not too far away, angels were darting around large white roses, spreading songs and feelings of joy to other beings born within the petals. She was briefly reminded of her own birth, her name meaning “gentle” and “mild.”

“Your Heavenly Grace,” Adina said, soon standing up, folding her white wings behind her. God appeared as a large golden eye surrounded by golden wheels with eyes covering them and small angel wings spread out from them. The wheels and wings were moving, but God as the eye stared unblinkingly at her. A white marble throne stood behind Him.

“My lovely consort,” he replied, kindness in his voice. “So wonderful to see you again. What is it that you seek?”

“I grow ever lonesome, and feel that what I do isn’t quite enough.”

“My dear, your work is more than enough. I chose you to be the angel of Divine Retribution. You have organized and led countless Exorcists to Hell and back. Not to mention you saved so many souls who almost lost their way. Are you not happy?”

“I truly am, my Lord. It’s just…I want someone who can help carry out my work. One who could work with me, but also be cared for by me. I’d like to have children of my own.”

“Ah,” said God. “A beautiful wish. Alas, you know that angels cannot procreate.”

“I do know. That’s why I came to you for help.”

“Well, there is a way,” He said. “You remember you were created from holy starlight and dragon’s blood, right?”

She nodded.

“You have the ability to give birth to offspring. Dragon shapeshifters, and powerful ones. Here’s what you will do.”

Adina listened intently.

God had sent her on a journey across the world of Zoophobia. She was to retrieve four special items and bring them to a nest in a vast cavern. She remembered the instructions she was given:

“Find the fur of a polecat on a rock during the full moon.

Find a gold frowning theater mask in the camp of rule breakers by the river.

Find the hatchet that lies within a volcano, where fire roars to life.

Find a religious text in the hands of St. Columba where the wind blows high.”

Earth, water, fire and air.

Finding the polecat pelt was easy; she traveled to the forest and there it was, illuminated and clean in the moonlight.

Getting the mask was harder. She had to ward off several shady looking creatures, and a few monsters as well.

After grabbing the ax from the volcano and nearly plunging into lava, she had to use lots of holy water to heal her singed skin and wings.

Finally, she found the leather bound book in the hands of a St. Columba statue, high up in the mountains.

“Head to the largest habitable cavern. Create a large secure nest and place the objects inside.”

At last, she traveled to the cavern, created a large nest of sticks and twigs, and gently placed the objects inside. Her glowing eyes allowed her to see in the dark. Toward the back of the cave was a pile of gold coins and a few precious gems scattered around.

“A decent lair for dragons. They will reside here before being introduced to the rest of the city.”

“Recite this spell to begin the transformation and birthing process.”

Adina hovered her hands over the objects and chanted in Latin. The objects lit up in flaming spheres of light, transforming into speckled oval-shaped white eggs.

The effort of doing the spell made Adina fall unconscious for several days.

Adina stirred awake, her eyes fluttering open. She could hear some movement coming from the eggs. She stood up from the atone floor and let out a soft gasp.

Her children were about to hatch!

She carefully took the nest, flapped her wings forward, and placed it in a secure spot on top of a high cliff near the cave. She made sure that it lay within the sunlight and not too close to the edge.

The eggs then gradually turned different colors. The one from the polecat pelt turned dark green and teal. The one from the mask became yellow and black. The one from the hatchet was red and orange. Finally, the egg from the book was light green and black.

The green and teal egg wobbled first. A dark crack snaked slowly over the surface. More cracks began to appear, creating intricate designs. Ever so carefully, bits of shell fell off from different spots. A beck poked through, and the rest of the shells fell away.

There I was, small with a dark green body, wings and a pointed tail. My new green-teal eyes scanned the area, curiously. It was love at first sight when I saw my mother’s smiling face. Adina stroked my head and back lovingly with her fingers, me letting out a pleased sound. I nudged my face repeatedly into her hand, a musical chuckle coming from Adina.

“You are going to do great things, my little Fitch.”

Around thirty minutes later, two eggs began to stir. The fiery colored one and the yellow-black one. The eggs bonked into each other several times, and chirping could be heard from inside.

“Oh? Who’s coming next?” she asked.

Adina soon had her answer. A part of the yellow and black shell was shoved off, landing onto the nest like a door breaking down. A dark purple and yellow dragon did a little pose before stumbling out of the shell remains. He shook off the embryonic fluids from his scales, showing a grin of small teeth just beginning to form. Moments later, the fiery egg beside him exploded, sending shells and sparks everywhere. I jumped into mother’s hands, terrified, while the purple dragon covered his little head with his arms. A slender white dragon appeared, shaking away bits of shell from his small horns. (This was before he got all his tattoos). His red-orange eyes darted around excitedly, spotting the purple dragon.

“Hatchet!” Adina scolded as the white dragon began to play-wrestle his brother with loud croaks. “Leave Marx alone!”

But little Marx soon joined in the fun, pushing his brother back with his little feet. Hatchet’s small spiked tail smacked Marx in the face and the dragon squeaked in brief pain. Little me jumped from mother’s hands, biting Marx’s tail.

For several minutes, the three of us rough-housed in the nest, testing out our new senses and bodies.

Adina soon grew concerned. “What about the last egg?”

Indeed, the last egg had remained as still as ever. Adina shooed Hatchet away when he tried to knock on the hard light green shell.

“Oh dear,” she sighed. Was it a stillborn? She couldn’t bear that. Minutes became hours. The egg still hadn’t hatched by the morning.

Finally, in the evening, after Adina had almost given up hope, a small chirp was heard. The other dragons peered to get a closer look. Cracks snaked along the egg shell in multiple directions. At long last, holes appeared in the egg, before a closed eye was revealed through one hole. The egg split open and a light green and darker green dragon was revealed. He was slender, with thin see-through wings and a thin pointed face. He sniffed and slowly opened his eyes.

“Malcom,” Adina exclaimed, overjoyed to see her youngest son. Malcom took several shaking steps forward, and bumped right into Marx. Marx growled in protest. Malcom’s eyes were cloudy white.

“He’s blind,” Adina realized.

Malcom’s ears picked up the sounds of bats fluttering from above the cave. He jumped into the air, but fell flat on his back. I helped him up and licked his face.

“You guys will need flying lessons one day,” Adina said.

For several days, Adina brought in meat, game and other foods for us. Hatchet, in particular, loved to eat rabbits. The four of us were much closer back then, than we are now. Eventually, we would learn to breathe fire, fly, talk and hunt for ourselves. We were to go to school and learn to live a more civilized life when we turned one year old, (equates to five human years). Adina had given us brief glimpses of the city and some tidbits.

“Bi-pedal animals wear clothes,” she said. “But full animals don’t have to. Eating humans or other creatures is forbidden.”

“Awww man,” Hatchet groaned.

“Shut up and go chase a rabbit,” Marx muttered to him.

“Rabbit? Where?”

Marx rolled his eyes as Adina continued.

“Do not go outside the Safe Haven border without permission. There are dangerous humans out there with weapons that can kill you.”

“But we’re dragons,” Hatchet mentioned in his child-like bi-pedal form. “We live longer than them and are more powerful. Can’t we just burn down their cities and stuff?”

“Did you not hear what mother just said?” I chided him. “They have weapons that can pierce through dragon scales. Interacting with them would only put the districts in danger and confusion. Idiot, I swear.”

“Swearing’s not very nice,” Malcom added. “I heard one guy say something really bad to another, he was like, ‘oh no you didn’t,’ the other was like, ‘yeah huh, I just did,’ and then…”

“You talk too much,” I deadpanned.

“You didn’t even let me finish.”

“Pay attention, my sons,” Adina said, before continuing her lecture.

A week after we were born, we had gotten the hang of hunting for ourselves. Me and Hatchet, in particular were the better hunters among the group. Hatchet would eat rabbits whenever he could. (To this day, I don’t understand his obsession with them). We steered clear of bears or black horned monsters who could overpower us or swipe us down with their paws.

Adina taught us how to speak, read, write, and, of course, how to fly.

“Feel the direction the wind is blowing,” she said. “Flapping your wings propels you forward but don’t overdo it. Deep breaths and remaining calm are key. Try and land straight on your feet…”

She said this just before Malcom came in for a faulty landing. He bashed into a rock face, tumbling down onto the ground in a heap. Marx tripped on his tail and almost fell, but managed to straighten himself up. Hatchet laughing whenever I fumbled only encouraged me to work harder. Hatchet was doing pretty well, if you didn’t count the time his white wings got torn up a bit from flying through tree branches.

It took a few years for us to fully master our flying and shapeshifting abilities. But I grew fast and learned fast.

I led my brothers when we practiced diving off a cliff. Taking a deep breath, I jumped off the cliff, morphed into my dragon form and spread out my wings gracefully. Adina’s face blended into the clouds; she looked proud. Hatchet was up next.

“Whoo-hoo!” he roared, as he morphed into his white dragon form and took off. A gust of yellow fire shot from his mouth, creating a ring for him to fly through. I smiled a bit and rolled my eyes at him. We weren’t at full size yet, but we weren’t too far off.

“Isn’t this amazing, Fitch?” Hatchet called as he flew beside me. We stared at the canyons and rocky ground below us. “Rawr!” he called, pleased to hear his voice echo through the air.

“Focus, please,” I said. “Mother’s looking for grace and agility, not loudness.”

“Fitchy…am I being too quiet?!”

His loud voice and laughter rang in my ears.

“Sorry, I can’t hear you over your need to shut up,” I retorted.

Hatchet scoffed. “You’re always so…erm…stuffy. I’d say almost as grumpy as Marx back there.”

Marx was pacing back and forth back on the cliff in his bi-pedal form. We all wore white loincloths over our waists that would appear even after we had transformed from our dragon forms. Our chests had thin fur that matched our hair colors.

He appeared to be talking to himself, as if planning some kind of imaginary show.

“Jerry the knight gallops through the woods, only to tremble in fear at the four mighty brothers. Then the camera…one of the objects from the city that Adina told us about…pins up and down as we stomp toward our victim. He runs and runs, the scene going by in a blur…”

“Are you going or what?” Malcom asked.

“Right!” Marx called, raising a fist and standing straight. “Life is but the next grand adventure. We now roll too…”

He spread his wings…

“Marx of Karl, taking off!”

He jumped into the air. Malcom misjudged his next step and plummeted rapidly to the ground with a shocked yelp.

Hatchet and I turned around. “Malcom!” Hatchet cried in fear.

Malcom was briefly scared, but soon got over it. With a new happy look on his face, he spread out his green wings and swirled toward us. “Speak up so I can hear you!” he called out.

“We’re going this way!” I said as I led the group once again.

“What the…” Marx began, looking at Malcom. “You’re not scared.”

“No. Not really.”

“This is only your third time in the air. And you can’t see anything!”

“I can hear, smell and feel where things are. It’s easier on the ground but I’m just happy to be with my dragon bros!”

“Bros?” Marx raised an eyebrow.

“Hey look, I’m not even in my full dragon form! You should totally try it!”

The three of us morphed into our bi-pedal forms, while still retaining our wings. We huddled close to support ourselves.

“W-w-w-whoa this feeling sure is new,” Hatchet muttered, trying not to look down. I, too, was feeling vulnerable, flying for the first time in this form.

“Don’t look down,” I suggested.

But of course, he didn’t listen.

“Oh, no, Fitch, I’m looking down! Yaahhhh!”

“Get off me!” I said, pushing him off when he grabbed my back. He clawed at the air in desperation.

“You’re not drowning, Hatch,” Marx sighed.

Marx muttered some prayers as he grabbed hold of Hatchet to steady him. Hatchet took some deep breaths, settling down.

“Hahahaha!” Malcom laughed in bliss. “You’ll get used to it eventually!”

“How long is eventually?” Hatchet asked.

“How should I know?”

The four of us landed haphazardly into a nearby lake after a wind knocked us slightly off course. Water splashed everywhere after we landed. Hatchet shook off water droplets from his scales and wings.

“Bleh! I hate baths!”

“I’ll say you needed one, Hatch,” Malcom said with a grin.

A deep growl rumbled in Hatchet’s throat. “Wanna see what it’s like to drown? Oh wait, you can’t.”

“At least I don’t have to lay my eyes on your monstrosity of a form.”

“What was that?!”

“Heheheh. You heard me, Hatch.”

“Empty threats and callous fighting, per usual,” Marx remarked, crossing his arms as his brothers landed some kicks and punches in the water. I stood up and narrowed my eyes. I had trouble seeing things off in the distance. Those things Adina called glasses would be very helpful.

“That’s quite enough, both of you!” I commanded, a burst of teal fire escaping my mouth. It was enough to make Hatchet and Malcom pay attention. Good.

“Anyone up for a swim?” Malcom asked.

“Absolutely not,” Marx replied.

“For once, I agree. I say we find ourselves some food and get out of here,” I advised.

“Alright,” Hatchet agreed, separating from Malcom with a grin. “What are we waiting for? Food would be great right now.”

“When are you not hungry?” Marx asked Hatchet.

“Let me think…Never!”

Turning back into our dragon forms, we hunted for food before heading back home. Hatchet had a knack for finding rabbits almost anywhere…and wouldn’t share with us.

“That’s my rabbit!” Hatchet declared.

Marx tried to grab the small dead carcass from his brother’s hands.

“For Viv’s sake!” cried Marx. “You’ve had enough of them already! It’s my turn.”

“Let go!”

“You let go!”

The boys struggled for a bit until Hatchet accidentally ripped off Marx’s loincloth.

Marx turned red and angry in the face as Hatchet stuck out his tongue and laughed.

“You’re such a filthy hothead!” Marx spat as he picked up the cloth and tied it back around his waist.

We found a river of fresh water for us to drink. In our dragon forms, we spit water at each other playfully and had a contest to see who could spit the farthest. It came as a tie between me and Hatchet. Hatchet, being the most athletically inclined, won intense races we had, both on the ground and in the air. A black creature with horns chased after us and nearly devoured poor Malcom, but thankfully, several hard punches from me and the others caused the beast to flee. In celebration, Hatchet juggled fireballs in his hands before catching them all in his mouth.

“That beast will be “dragon” himself to oblivion! Haha! Get it?” Hatchet chuckled at his joke. Malcom giggled while Marx and I groaned in annoyance.

Once we all got back, we turned into our bi-pedal forms once more. Adina said that those would be our default forms most of the time, so she encouraged us to get used to them.

As we reached the mouth of the cave, Hatchet stuffed a severed brown rabbit’s head into his mouth with a greedy look on his face.

“You know that is considered bad manners, don’t you?” I asked, referring back to mother’s lecture. Hatchet wiped off some blood from his pointed face with his arm.

Hatchet scoffed. “Who cares? We aren’t going to the city for…another month, at least.”

“It’ll be here faster than you know it, Hatch. It’d be best if we all prepare ourselves soon.”

“Whatever you say, Fitchy.”

“Stop calling me that. It’s Fitch.”

“Same thing.”

Our steps echoed as we arrived back into the cave at dusk. Hatchet shot a jet of fire up toward hanging bats, who screeched in protest, flapping their wings.

One scorched bat fell down and landed right into Malcom’s mouth as he yawned. After a look of surprise, he happily chewed up the creature and swallowed.

“I guess food can fall from the sky,” he said, licking his lips.

“Jeez Malc, you’re even blinder than the bats,” Marx mentioned.

“Technically, bats use echolocation to track down their food and figure out their surroundings. They aren’t as blind as you think.”

“Hmpth. Know-it all.”

We curled up in our bed nests that were spread out among the cave. They were nests with a few pillows and some blankets inside them. Malcom was the only one who hadn’t outgrown being tucked in. Since mother was busy, Marx came over and helped relax his brother. Malcom’s nest was by a chest of gold coins and some fancy books. They were some of many treasures that Adina magically provided for us. (She had a knack for spoiling us when she wasn’t stern.)

Marx sighed and hopped into his nest by a pile of royal robes nearby. Hatchet slept near, well, a hatchet, along with a few golden goblets and gems. I soon curled up in my nest, the one nearest to some discarded swords, and bladed silver weapons. Apparently, Adina said she would teach me how to use them later on.

“If you want to protect yourself and your brothers,” she had said, “You’ll need to learn how to defend yourself.”

Of course, she hadn’t told me anything about hunting demons until I was older, but I was still eager to learn, nonetheless. The full moon and stars shone through a hole in the cave, a beautiful sight. Before long, the four of us were snoozing peacefully away.

The assassin, the actor, the punk, and the nerd. A very unique dragon family indeed.

#adina #zoophobia #fitch #heaven #fanart #hazbin hotel theory

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caroldanversmohawk · 5 years

Text

Costume Shopping

Summary: Carol and Natasha go costume shopping. Carol learns what modern day costumes look like.

Warnings: Smut, Oral, Fluff, Exhibitionist (implied)

Posted for @carolnatweek‘s CarolNat Halloween Week, Day 5 prompt: Trick or Treat

Natasha shook her head as Carol weaved through the aisles of the Halloween store. "Look, there's cat ears. You'd look adorable as a kitty." Carol shot Natasha a look over her shoulder as she continued on. And Natasha couldn't help but note that Carol already looked adorable, costume or not. But she was not going to be a cat.

"Oh, look at these!" Carol ran her hand over fake machetes and swords with cheesy liquid blood contained behind clear plastic. Natasha didn't even have to comment before Carol was on to the next thing. "Oh. Weird." They had found the medical section, with doctor and nurse uniforms. Apparently it didn't strike Carol's interest as she sped by it.

Natasha smiled fondly. She has forgotten that Carol hadn't been Halloween shopping in a decade when she suggested they go together. Her girlfriend's usual distracted fascination was even more adorable today. But Nat was also on a mission. To find the sexiest, best costume so she could to show herself off to Carol. "You keep looking, babe. I'm gonna grab a couple things to try on." Natasha realized that Carol wasn't even in the same aisle as her anymore by the time she finished talking.

"Mmhmm," she heard Carol acknowledge her from the next row over.

Natasha chuckled, leaving her to her devices and browsing for something to accomplish her goals. She ended up grabbing a female Robin Hood and a medieval vampire costume. Taking them into the changing room, she pulled the curtain closed and worked on getting into the first one.

She liked the cut of the vest and hood for the archer costume. It also did a good job showing off all her curves, showing just enough to be sexy but subtle enough that she felt badass still. She was admiring the lacing on the back when Carol popped in without warning.

"Look what I found!" Carol brandished a flimsy, plastic Captain America shield. "We could go as Steve and Tony!" In her other hand was a similarly flimsy Iron Man mask.

Natasha turned around to face her. Carol's eyes went wide, her goofy grin growing "Oh. I see you already planned to go as a better-looking version of Clint."

Natasha looked back down at her costume, less excited about it now. "Oh. Yeah. It does look like that." She looked back up at Carol. "I am not wearing a mask," she raised her eyebrow at Carol's outstretched hand offering her the Iron Man mask.

Carol's grin didn't falter. She didn't actually expect Nat to be up for her idea. She bounded forward, kissed Natasha on the lips, then left just as quickly as she came in. Natasha rolled her eyes, then got to work trying on the second costume.

The vampire one was more complicated. Fishnets, a super short, leather skirt, and a red trimmed corset. The last bit did a wonder for her already full breasts, pressed up and out, looking two sizes bigger than usual. The red lipstick Natasha was already wearing made for a sinful accent, matching the corset's rose design. Her shoulders were completely bare. It was absolutely perfect.

Carol ripped open the curtain again, Natasha's name on her lips when she faltered, seeing her girlfriend's costume. "Oh," Carol's voice was low, almost a moan. She ripped her eyes from Natasha's body, her cheeks heating up as she finally made eye contact with amused, green eyes.

"You like it?" Natasha asked coyly, already knowing the answer.

"Wha---what is this?” Carol muttered. “When I was a kid, people threw a bedsheet over themselves and called themselves a ghost."

"You grew up in the '60s Danvers, not a Charlie Brown movie. There were sexy costumes back then, you were just too young to notice."

"Well...I'm noticing now..." Natasha saw the fire in Carol's eyes. One that she knew too well.

"Carol," Natasha's voice had a warning in it. One that Carol didn't heed.

She was in the small dressing room in an instant, having the decency to pull the curtain shut behind her. After that, she was on Natasha, using her body to press hers into the wall. Her lips instantly found Natasha's red ones, capturing her mouth in a kiss so rough, she smeared her lipstick. Her hands explored the corset, sliding over the ribbing and brushing over Natasha's swelling breasts before grasping them harder, massaging the tops of them as Carol swallowed Natasha's moans. When she pulled back for a breath, and to check that she did indeed succeed in smearing Natasha's perfect applied lipstick, Natasha managed to pant, "So you do like it, then?" With a smirk.

Carol decided that meant she really had to prove to Natasha how she felt about it. She used a little of her inhuman strength to pry open the top of the corset, earning a surprised gasp from Natasha, but Carol replaced her lips back on Nat's before she could reprimand her. Her hands were able to slide under the corset now, palming Natasha's breasts, enjoying the gasps that Carol devoured in their kiss. She pressed her hips against Nat's, thrusting them lightly, showing her what she wished she could do under that short little skirt, if only she had come prepared.

Carol didn't let that stop her though. After one final squeeze of Natasha's nipples under her fingers, she removed her hands from the drooping corset and down to Natasha's hips. She also pulled back from the kiss, both their pants filling the room as she used the hands on Natasha's hips to pull her into each of her thrusts.

Natasha's lips curled up into a little smile. "If I knew you had a thing for vampires, I would've done this--" Carol wanted to take Nat's breath away from her, not hear more of her sass.

So she did what any superpowered girl would do to her girlfriend: Carol lifted her by the hips until Natasha's core was at her mouth. Which may have meant Natasha's head was no longer covered by the curtain giving them privacy. But Carol was too focused on what was in front of her to check. And that wasn't her problem anyway.

She propped Natasha's thighs on her shoulders, using one hand to tear through the fishnet tights, easily dunking under the small bit of fabric pretending to cover Natasha's pussy, running her tongue along her swollen lips.

Natasha's protests were cut off by a deep groan, her hands digging into Carol's shoulders. Her hips canted forward into Carol's greedy mouth, lapping up all the wetness that had gathered during their kiss. Carol's hands went to press into Natasha's ass, massaging her under her hands and simultaneously pulling her closer to her spearing tongue. Natasha started thrusting her hips to the rhythm Carol has set, and Carol could hear Nat's breathing speeding up. She knew she was close. So she moved her mouth up to suck deep Natasha's swollen clit, teasing it with hard pulls until Natasha was bucking wildly into her. She came with a husky moan, her arms trembling as she held herself up. Carol made sure to clean up each drop before stepping back to lower her back to the ground.

"Guess we're buying this now," Natasha laughed wryly, looking down at the ripped corset and tights.

#rushed again #I get it Carol #carolnathalloweek2019 #carolnat #first theyre sweet #then theyre hot #carol danvers #natasha romanoff

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nicoletteduclare · 5 years

Text

Wilson huffed as he looked at the fractures in the gold flecked rock he'd been working on shattering. It wasn't the first rock of the day, he'd been at this for a while now, trying to get a handle on the anxiety that had come forward in full force this morning. He'd been coming down to the cave to get some fresh rock for new thermal stones, some people hadn't been keeping theirs repaired and had found a new skeleton. There wasn't a satchel or anything of note around it, but it was most certainly new. It was in the normal path to the northern cave entrance, there was no way it was just a skeleton they'd missed.

It made him sick to see. Stupid, idiotic... he took another breath and looked at the rock again, trying to ignore the knots in his stomach. Maxwell had vanished. He'd been silent and left before Wilson could even finish saying what he'd been trying to get out of his system after seeing the man choke to death on petals. Hanahaki is what he knew it by, mostly due to his mother. She'd never elaborated, and it was apparently ignored by the medical community as he'd never encountered it in undergrad, but she'd given him a brief description that he decided was just a poetic way of saying that her sister died of a broken heart.

What a horrifying thing to witness, to see the whole thing play out in front of her, in her own sister, and to not even be able to revive her. It had been horrifying enough for Wilson, and he at least could bring someone back to life in this realm. He kept thinking too much about how pale Maxwell had looked, mouth bleeding, a pile of blood soaked petals on the ground as the man asphyxiated and Wilson tried and failed to get him to breathe again.

He shivered and picked up his pick-axe, hoping he could stop this train of thought again. But, alas. His brain fixated on things too well. Why hadn't Maxwell just said something? To any of them? It didn't have to be the whole camp, but someone should have been told so at least, maybe, they could fix it before it had gotten bad.

Instead, he got to find out by stumbling in on Maxwell suffocating while looking for the idiot. His words after the fact were maybe, well, less maybe and more most certainly, sharp. He'd been angry, it was affecting all of them, but he was also incredibly scared and he didn't know how to phrase it.

Maxwell had used his effigy earlier, and it'd been a tiny bit eyebrow raising, but none of them had questioned it. He'd started to go off on his own before then, he'd probably just bitten off more then he could chew.

Well, he had, but not in the way Wilson was expecting. And then he had the gall to go and disappear! He'd looked for Max, had been for weeks, and the most he'd found were bones. He swung, listening to the rock shatter. Doing these sort of chores usually helped when he was dealing with overthinking, certainly had the last time he'd turned a thought over and over in his head til he could scream. The physical activity usually wore him down, and that stopped the pacing around. Usually then, it'd shut up or he'd pass out to sleep.

He could only hope that would be today's remedy. Wilson was sure he'd already talked Wickerbottom's ear off about this, she was the only one he'd really discussed Max's condition with at length. He needed to confine in someone, and she was the most likely to have maybe a lick of experience with the illness. Everyone else got a hand waved 'he's sick and being stubborn' because it was the barest truth.

The two of them were understandably concerned about the fact he was coughing up up dark petals, for both the effects on the rest of them, and discussion on what that meant for Maxwell. He was always more steady, mentally, then the rest of them, so there was a point in his favour, but that only could last so long. Which, as Wickerbottom pointed out, was probably why it took so long for someone to find out.

The signs were far more blatant now, but looking back was always easier. Maxwell had been relying less on his shadow clones, he'd ceased using them all together before the curtain had been pulled back, but he'd been using only one for quite some time. It was a little crass, but Wilson found it ironic that when he had a steady source of the material for nightmare fuel, it would be in a way that rendered his clones unusable.

Well, more sad then ironic.

They'd talked carefully about it, no need to stress everyone else about it, mostly at night during watch. The one question neither of them posed was the question of who Maxwell was pining over. He didn't want to focus on it, and it was an obvious thing. Who else could it be but Miss Charlie?

He never talked about her very much, some things Wilson had only picked up on from overhearing Maxwell talking to himself. Whenever she did come up in conversation, the guilt and pain was an undertone that had originally been surprising, but it mixed with the sad adoration that was far more apparent. Just a few short conversations and it was obvious that Maxwell was in love with her. So Wilson kept his own feelings close to his chest. It was more then a little bit frustrating, an old flame that had started to burn anew. He'd gone from his voice on the radio to a demon to a pain in the ass ally to... well, a soft spot. He accepted it with ease at the time, that was just how his life always went. There wasn't anything he could do about it; why bother trying himself up in knots about it?

That's why he'd just stood there as Maxwell walked off, Wilson figured he'd be back at camp, or something like that, rather naively. He didn't know what else to say that wouldn't reveal everything.

He had wanted (he still did) to help. Find something to ease the coughing, or at least keep him from dying. He'd been told there wasn't a cure, everything that got rid of the disease sans a confession being taken well, also would somehow remove the person's feelings towards their beloved. Wilson honestly didn't understand how that was possible, but it was a possibility to look into. But he'd rather not toy with someone else's feelings.

There had to be another way.

Sunlight was one way to wake up. Waking up through hacking up his lungs was another, and it was never a pleasant way to come out of sleep, but these days Max was getting used to it. There were some embers still left of his fire, the flames started to grow when he threw the petals onto the fire, and he took the awful straw roll he'd used to sleep on (Maxwell yearned for the days of beefalo wool and rabbit fur now) and rolled it up. He'd burn it before he left, but he needed to cook on a more controlled flame.

A gobbler leg, wrapped in scrap paper to keep the meat from the rest of his bag was today's breakfast. Better then some days, and he sighed as he tossed the paper into the fire and skewered the leg into a stick. Roasting these things was never an exact science, but as long as it wasn't raw. Semi-burned wasn't too bad, and the meat was far more comforting and filling then a few charred carrots. It made him feel a bit warmer, though the more likely source of that was the thermal stone tucked into his vest being warmed by the fire.

Once he'd eaten, he pulled a few green mushrooms from his pack to roast quickly on a slowly dying fire before tossing the straw roll into the flames. It burst back to life, and he stepped back to keep from letting any of his clothing catch on fire and yet continuing to bask in the warmth.

Sadly, he couldn't stay too long around the fire. Just long enough to let the thermal stone hit peak temperature as he wrapped his mushroom caps and place them at the top of his pack. He left as the fire started to wane, it would soon die, and the ashes would vanish under the snow. It felt like they were gearing up for another storm soon, he'd have to head to the caves again. As much of a pain as it was, he didn't like being underground, it was safer.

Besides, it probably wasn't too long until he died again. He'd had a few good days, and now he was fairly certain that he had at most, three. Not that it truly mattered. In order to get away from an area he was more likely to be discovered in, he'd been forgoing sleep (he used to do it all the time, the nightmares in his head were harder to fight off) but a terrorbeak almost solid enough to bite his head off was reminder enough that those days were gone. Staying up all night wasn't helpful for his already diminished sanity.

Maybe it'd be easier to just give up the ghost and let one of those terrors kill him. Oh, it'd be bloody painful, but it wasn't like he'd be able to full remember it anyway. If he was lucky he might not ever remember getting letting himself get to that point until he saw the skeleton.

He'd been hoarding blue and green mushrooms whenever he could find them, and handling mushroom forests underground after dying also gave him a decent supply, but maybe it'd just be easier to get it over with. Ignore his health and sanity and just let it happen, again and again until he couldn't revive any more. Not today though. It sounded tempting, but right now, he wasn't even sure if he had a touchstone left. The map could be wrong, or a more likely option, any of the unmarked ones could be one he'd used when the lot of them were in the caves and he'd made a misstep.

Then, his options would basically be the other survivors. Ghosts were drawn towards the living, and while he doubted any of them would want to bring him back anyway, if they did he'd just be cornered. Maxwell would sigh if it wasn't for the need to cough, and he leaned against a tree to hack a batch of the blasted things up into his hand. At least he wasn't too far away from his goal, and the petals weren't too bloody. He'd have to pocket and burn them, better to not leave breadcrumb when you didn't want to be found. He'd make fuel, but he had plenty, and making more then he could carry was stupid, another thing to lead people to him.

It wasn't even mid morning yet, and he could tell there were shadows lurking at the edges of his vision. Maybe he was more out of it then he’d thought, or the petals were making things even worse then they had before. He thought that barely being able to last a day, not to mention the nights, was bad enough, but just a few short hours?

He shuddered and started to cough again, petals not caught this time as they instead hit the snow, a bit of blood joining them. Stupid flowers, he thought as he took a deep breath, trying to steady himself against the tree, watching slightly more firm shadows take their place in front of his eyes instead of at the side. Mushroom. Right, he needed a cap or two or three to handle this.

He pulled around his pack and pulled the freshly cooked ones out, glad he always stuck these at the top. They wouldn't help the pain in his throat, but some more bleeding was nothing compared to trying to fight off shadows, and as much as he entertained the idea, he didn't want to die to one of those.

He'd barely gotten to swallow the first one down when there was a crunch, the icy layer of the snow being broken through by something. He hadn't heard any howls, so it couldn't be the hounds.

Maxwell swallowed again as he slowly turned to stare at Wilson, who was staring back, bearded and looking quite concerned.

He ran, ignoring the cry for him to stop, please, he wasn't that far from the caves, he could lose him.

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katee358-blog · 6 years

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Study Sessions

Pairing: Penny x Barnaby

Summary: Set half-way through fourth or fifth year (they'd both work fine), Penny's been tutoring Barnaby in Potions and it's finally paid off.

Word Count: 1230

Notes: My first time trying something like this and I absolutely love Hogwarts Mystery right now so I thought I'd try it. I apologize in advance if it doesn't live up to standards or expectations. Rebekah is the character whom I decided would be the MC in this story. Also, this was written in 30 minutes while I was half asleep so... I'm so sorry.

Penny sighed as she waited for Barnaby in the library. She sat at the back table behind all the bookshelves, as always, her stuff sprawled across the desk. She placed her chin firmly in her palm as she patiently blew hair away from her face.

With nothing else to occupy her mind, the Hufflepuff thought back to what Rebekah said before.

Are you sure you don't fancy him? We all see the way you look at him, Pen. We're not blind.

The blonde girl huffed at the memory. So no, she'd never felt this particular feeling for anyone before, big deal. Yes, maybe it's different and special and maybe she likes it, so what? That doesn't automatically mean she fancies him. Penny would like to think she understands her own feelings.

Fancy him, yeah right. They're just friends.

Her resolved hardened, she took out her Transfiguration notes and began studying for their quiz next Monday. As she did this, her thoughts completely strayed from the dashing Slytherin boy. They settled instead on trying to decipher what exactly that sketch on her notes is supposed to be. Soon, she'd almost forgotten why she was there in the first place.

It wasn't until she heard the quick pattering of feet did she look up from her studies.

Barnaby was racing over towards her, his vest wrinkled and his hair slightly disheveled. His bag was thrown haphazardly over his shoulder and his knuckles gripped it hard. The teen maneuvered around other students effortlessly, only bothering to mumble a few apologies along the way. His feet seemed to move on autopilot, probably having remembered the way to their table within the first two weeks like hers. Barnaby moved with ease as he neared her and Penny could practically feel his adrenaline pumping from where she was sitting.

Finally, he stole a glance at her and their eyes locked. His emerald-green irises were alight with joy and she swears if eyes could smile...

A proper smile found its way to his face, splitting it in half in an almost childlike manner. None of his usual boyish charm was present as he began to close the distance between them. Penny tells herself in that moment that there are a lot of things she would do to keep that smile on his face. The smile transforms him, makes him look happy and lighthearted for a change. Penny has no choice but to smile back, albeit somewhat puzzled.

"Two questions!" Barnaby announced as soon as he was within hearing distance. "Two!"

Penny frowned, confused. "What?"

Barnaby opened up his bag and shoved a paper into her hand. Penny's eyes scanned it over quickly, immediately recognizing it as their last Potions exam. Going over the questions, she saw only two out of the many of them on the paper that were marked out with red ink.

"You passed." Penny whispered, almost to herself. Her head snapped up to look at him and a matching smile tugged at her lips. "Barnaby, you passed!"

Without hesitation, Penny launched herself at Barnaby, throwing her arms tightly around his neck. The paper wrinkled in her hands as Barnaby's slid instinctively around her waist. Ecstatic with adrenaline still pumping, Barnaby lifted Penny up off her feet, keeping their hug in tact, and spun her around happily. A laugh bubbled up from Penny's throat and Barnaby joined her.

A loud shush was heard from Madam Pince as Barnaby set her back down and the librarian glared at them coldly. The two students giggled behind their hands as she retreated back to her desk.

The laughter died down and then they were just left there, her right hand gripping his shoulder and her left on his forearm, as they just stared at each other with small, silly smiles that wouldn't leave their faces. Both his hands were still on her waist, burning holes through her robes and setting the skin there on fire. Soon, even the grins fell from their lips, though the rush and the joy remained. His green eyes penetrated her blue ones, pinning her to her spot. Her blood ran cold despite the warmth his body provided and her mind went blank. Suddenly the only thing she could think about was him and how she couldn't even remember why she'd ever so much as looked at anybody else.

All the excuses she'd spouted to Rebekah and Charlie and everyone else, herself included, vanished from her mind and Penny couldn't recall why she ever thought that he was a bad idea.

Her eyes fluttered down to his lips and she saw his do the same. Penny realized then, that that moment was both significant and extremely fragile, even if whatever they had between them wasn't. Whatever happens next will never be forgotten by either of them, always to be remembered.

Penny met his eyes one more time. The rest of her doubt went out the window.

She's not sure who leaned in first, but they met each other in the middle. She crashed her lips aggressively against his. Her left hand moved to his other shoulder, bringing him down closer to her. His broad shoulders hunched over her much shorter frame as his hands tightened their grip on her waist. He returned her fervor with enough of his own, matching her intensity with earnest.

Barnaby pulled her closer to him and tangled a hand in her golden hair. Her hands roamed of their own accord, one of them coming to pull at his tie. Then she found her feet moving, pushing him until his back hit the bookshelf. Penny pulled harder at his tie as his thumb gently stroked her cheekbone.

They reluctantly pulled back to breathe and Barnaby took that chance to turn them around. Now it was Penny who was stuck between the shelf and Barnaby's body. Neither of them wasted a second and crashed their lips back together. Penny wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned up on her tiptoes to gain better access.

Almost all of Penny's common sense had been forgotten when Barnaby reached to cup her cheek, but missed and caused a few books behind her to fall to the floor. They parted instantly and peered at each other through hooded eyes. However even through their haze, they feared the punishment of Madam Pince. Silently, they cast a cautious look around, but thankfully found nothing of any concern.

The blonde looked back to Barnaby and met his gaze.

His eyes shone with something akin to happiness, something Penny's never seen in him before, and a hesitant smile graced his swollen lips. It was small and uncertain, but it was genuine. His brown hair spiked up in every direction, his tie loose and half undone. His grey vest is wrinkled beyond belief and his test lay stranded on the floor. He looked uncharacteristically shy and a blush stretched across his cheeks. His beautiful green eyes sought hers out, asking her a silent question.

Penny smiled at him softly, practically glowing with a giddiness she'd never admit to feeling, and leaned up to place one more gentle kiss on his lips.

"Congratulations, Barnaby." Penny grinned, grabbing his hand and giving it a comforting squeeze. "You're amazing."

The brunette broke out into another smile and Penny couldn't help but offer him a second hug. Yeah okay, Rebekah was totally right.

#hogwarts mystery #penny haywood #barnaby lee #hogwarts mystery mc #penny haywood x barnaby lee #penny x barnaby

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comeondowntosouthparkrpg-blog · 7 years

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Phillip 'Pip' Pirrup

Does he play Charlie’s Fallen Angels now?

Pip has been accepted! Please send in a blog and a face claim if you want to a featured on the main blog!

out of character info

Name/Alias: Dovey/Madame

Pronouns: She/Her

Age: 9

Join Our Discord: Already apart of it ;3

Timezone: CST

Activity: 7/10

Triggers: None

Password: Dildo

Character that you’re applying for: Pip

Favorite ships for your character: Dip!, Anything with chemistry really

in character info

Full name: Phillip ‘Pip’ Pirrup

Birthday: August 13th

Sexuality, gender, pronouns: Homosexual || Transmale (FTM) || He/him

Age and grade: 17 || Senior

Appearance:

Standing at a measly 5’ which is quite below average for others his age, has a very thin frame that comes off very gender-neutral except for his broader hips, he’s a little self conscious about his hips, but takes an odd pride in the rest of his body. Through the years he’s lost his signature bob and tends to style his blond hair in many different ways, specifically he loves shorter styles. He has bright blue-green eyes that alway seem to shine with an endless supply of joy. Pip has pale skin with freckles sprinkled across every inch of his body. He also has a small gap between with teeth, that he refuses to get fixed.

Pip has a few scars due to his abusive home life back in England, mainly across his back, but the most noticeable ones are the large scars across his shoulder blades that look where wings had once been. Whenever asked about the scars, he tries to change the subject as quickly as possible. He still has his signature hat and wears it almost everywhere he goes, along with a bunch of bow ties that he collects throughout the years. He tends to dress quite formal rather it be nice button ups, slacks, or a full out suit, but his all time favorite thing to wear are sweater vests and suspenders. Always dress to impress is Pip’s motto!

Personality:

Pip is the literal epitome of a ball of Sunshine, always coming off as a real optimist that always tries to see the bright side of life no matter what happens or what he’s been through. Comes off as naive and a bit gullible due to how happy and carefree he is in any situation, Pip is not judgement at all and is always willing to make friends with anyone and everyone, on top of that he has a very forgiving nature and is always willing to give someone a second, third, fourth chance and so on and so forth which makes him a very easy character to manipulate and abuse even further. Not only that, but he also has a very trusting nature that tends to get him into all kinds of odd situations, most see him as a Good Samaritan, other a naive and annoying kid that needs to really grow up.

Often considered laid back with a short fuse, Pip is a pacifist that hardly gets mad, well unless you call him French then he won’t hesitate to kill someone, but after he’s done he would surely apologize for the outburst. He is extremely patient for someone who went through so much physical and mental abuse during his early years. Still tends to distribute quite Gentlemanly demeanor as well, but it’s become much more mild the older he’s gotten. Though he isn’t above acting on some common chivalry. Though Pip does have some hidden darkness to him that most don’t get to see. Tends to repress a lot of his negative emotions just to keep a bright and happy outward appearance and keep people from worry about him too much.

History:

In the small town of Burford, little Pippin was born to a very poor farming family but it didn’t matter because they were a happy and loving family through and through. Pippin at an early age never felt like the other little girls, never liked wearing dresses and didn’t enjoy playing with dolls. She felt trapped in her own body and more confused then a young elementary child probably should. At six years old, Pippin was playing around with some of her father’s old clothes while her parents were out taking care of the pastures. For the first time in the young child’s life she actually felt comfortable looking at herself, long hair tied back out of her face, her father’s old button up making her feel much more like herself. After that she meekly asked her parents if instead of wasting money on dresses and what not, if she couldn’t start wearing some of daddy’s old hand-me-downs.

At the age of seven little Pippin moved in with her older sister after her parents died from an unknown illness, there she was treated poorly always being beaten and degraded behind closed doors, but that didn’t stop the little british gal from continuing on with a smile. The first person Phillip actually came out to was none other than his sister’s husband Joe, after the moment he finally came out and requested Joe refer to him as Phillip and use ‘he/him’ pronouns instead was the first step he took in becoming more like the man he wanted. Joe was one of the few, and if only people in Phillip’s early life to actually support him and would even call him by his desired name when his wife wasn’t around.

Phillips life from there on only really got worse, the more he started to present himself as a little boy the worse his sister’s abuse got, until one fateful night he ran across an escaped convict during a visit to his parent’s graves. After he broke the man’s shackles and got the man some food he saw the man off with a bright smile and didn’t think anything of it. It wasn’t until almost half a year later that the man came back, now a rich businessman. Seeing the home life and horrible conditions Philip lived in the previous convict quickly took Philip away and had him shipped off to a boarding school while he attempted to find him a foster family that would take him in. He was sent to a luxurious boarding school in London where he was taught proper etiquette and how to be a proper gentleman for a year or two till his friend finally found with a kind and loving little family in America that would take care of him.

Life in the town of South Park was never really kind to Philip, he was outcasted fairly quickly and any friends he tried to make would often turn against him, or just use him as some sort of guinea pig to whatever horrible schemes they were making. The one thing Phillip hadn’t been expecting was to straight up die during some insane event that plagued South Park. Welcomed with open arms when he was graced with the sight of the pearly gates, Philip was made an angel and stayed in heaven for about three years, until he started to get homesick and wished to return to the mortal realm one again. After some long discussions, and a fair agreement Pip was allowed to return to the mortal realm so he could return to his schooling, all memory of his previous death erased from the minds of those that knew him.

Now in his final year of High school Phillip can’t help but wonder if these might be his last years on earth, if he’ll be called back up to heaven after he graduates. If that is to be the case, he wants to make these last couple months as memorable as he can.

Sample paragraph:

As his eyes scanned the expanses of land below, he could feel his stomach twist in knots his feet positioned just a few inches from the edge. From the border of heaven and the mortal planes below. Was this really what he wanted? On one hand he would be back with his foster family, a family that loved and cared about him and was missing him dearly, he would also be alive again and able to interact with everyone once again! But on the other hand…, he would also be back in the same school that ridiculed him and abused him for months on end until his final demise. No one even missed him, no one even remember who he was except for Damien, but did that really count? Heaving a deep sigh, Phillip clenched his fists together, feeling a knot forming in his throat, maybe it was better he just stayed here.

No, he had already made up his mind, he was going back. He deserved a second chance at life after being cut down so young, the council of angels had originally discussed many years ago about sending Phillip back down to earth, giving him a second chance since he was so young, so kind, and his death really was unfortunate, but here he was nearly three years later only now attempting to return to the world below. Phillip took in a deep breath of air, he felt the feathers of his wings ruffle slightly as a light breeze passed. Clenching his eyes tightly he stepped one foot off the border and felt himself plummet without much effort. His eyes slowly pried themselves open, as his body started to hurtle towards the ground.

Without so much as a second though, his wings caught the air and he carefully glided on the breeze till he reached the familiar sleepy little snow covered town of South Park. A wide smile etched it’s way onto his features as his green-blue orbs started to scan the streets below for the familiar tan brick house that his foster family lived in. When he finally spotted it, he started to descend, the closer he got to the the ground the less control he had over his landing, and soon enough he came crashing into a soft snow mound right outside his house. Quickly sitting up Philip sputtered, and quickly shook himself off attempting to dust the remaining snow off his outfit. He sure didn’t miss the freezing cold that came along with this town.

“Phillip, oh Phillip are you okay honey?” the familiar voice of his foster mom called as she came trudging towards the young boy, a worried expression plastered on her features. “Are you hurt?” She questioned helping him up out of the snow, “Oh no Laura, I’m fine” Phillip assured with a bright gapped tooth smile, dusting himself off once again, “Must ‘ave slipped on some ice o’ somethin’” He hummed with a small frown. “Well let’s get you inside, before you freeze out here!” Laura exclaimed before carefully ushering Phillip towards the door. He glanced over his shoulder, seeing the large white wings had disappeared as soon as he finally touched down.

A content smile crossed his features, as his eyes turned back towards the warm and inviting glow of the house before him. Everything was back how it was supposed to be, he was back on earth with his family. He was finally back with the people that loved and cared about him, and had been worrying about him for years. He was finally back home.

Headcanons:

Has a weird attraction to Christophe, finds him attractive but won’t openly admit that due to him being French

Doesn’t swear unless you get him super angry but still he’ll only really say ‘asshole’

Collects bow ties and tries to wear a new one every day.

Still has inhuman strength, and has been able to carry someone twice his size without much hassle

His birthname was actually Pippin, often just called Pip for short. He used to see Pip as almost disrespectful but has grown to begrudgingly accept the nickname

Anything else:

His faceclaim is Erika Linder

#Pip Pirrup #application #admin Sam #submission

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nowitsdarkfic · 5 years

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chapter five (prince hamlet)

“It’s a dirty job but someone’s gotta do it. It’s a dirty song but someone’s gotta sing it now.” -”We Care a Lot”, Faith No More

October 13, 1988. Somewhere outside of Oswego, New York.

Lupe took the liberty of making a little spot for me on the far side of the main room, on the ledge in the little nook near the stairwell leading up to the second floor and the loft. Mrs. Hamilton threw out a note at me that that nook in particular has the best view of the entirety of the club given I can lay on my back and peer up to the edge of the second floor and a sliver of the loft ceiling. She scrounged up a couple of clean pillows from the back of the club, ones that had never been used on top of that. She lay those pillows down on the otherwise hard floorboards, and had fluffed up the one cradling my head. Once I’m reclining down on my back with my legs outstretched and my hands upon my chest, she spreads the quilt over me to keep me warm. Within time, Louie comes over to me with a mug of hot chocolate and a wad of stale marshmallows pulled from the inside of her jeans pocket.

Eh, it’s better than those stupid Mike n Ikes I had yesterday.

“Happy birthday,” Lupe tells me in a soft voice and with a shy smile upon her face. I return the favor accompanied with a warm feeling inside my skin.

“Thank you so much,” my voice cracks when I say that to her, so she gives me a giggle stifled by a hand over her mouth. Louie presses her hands to her hips as if about to sass me.

“Drink up, big boy,” she orders me, picking a marshmallow off of top of the mug and slipping it into her mouth; “Cindy Lou Who made you that big fat bowl of soup last night to warm up your tootsies and your tummy. I wanna know what the cocoa’s like.”

I take a swig from the mug: even though I know those marshmallows are stale and old, I swallow down a couple of them. Not bad, and the cocoa itself is just right.

“And?” she asks me, keeping her hands pressed to her hips.

“Perfect,” I reply, swallowing down another marshmallow and almost gagging on the hard outer shell, and without another word, she flashes me a thumbs up and a slight wink. Lupe then whispers something into Louie’s ear, and I swear it consists of “he’s so gorgeous” but their giggling covers it up enough to where I can’t actually hear it. I show them both a smirk and a slight raise of the eyebrow. To think that I am flirting with a pair of strippers at the moment, a pair of strippers who are also sisters.

Then again, I couldn’t ask for anything more than this here in Black Orchid, all snuggled up in the nook with my body warm and everything around me relaxed and willing to help me as well as please me.

They both walk away from me within time and I’m alone again with the mug and the blanket wrapped around me. I lay my head back onto the pillow and rest the mug on my chest, and gaze up at the ceiling overhead. And then there’s that girl upstairs, and I still can’t recall her name. At one point, I lift my head for a rather large swig of cocoa and marshmallows and I hear a light shuffling over me. I lay my head back down for another gaze up to the ceiling and the edge of the loft. Nothing there. Interesting.

Once I drink down the rest of the cocoa, I set down the mug on the floor, and it’s here I feel myself growing sleepy. My eyelids droop closed when I catch the sound of it again: it’s like someone’s crumpling paper. I’m too drowsy.

I doze off for a few moments, and awaken to the blurry sight of Mrs. Hamilton and Lizzy congregated before me on the other side of the room with their backs to me. I can hear them whispering to one another, and every so often I catch a sliver of a word, that is until Lizzy mentions my name. I rub my eyes and groan in my throat in hopes to grab their attention; I drop my hands in time to bear the sight of them whirling around to face me.

“Ah, there he is!” Mrs. Hamilton declares with a glimmer in her eye.

“Sleepy head lazy bones,” Lizzy teases me.

“What’s going on here?” my voice breaks from my nap.

“We were just discussing on how to bring you back to your humble abode,” Mrs. Hamilton explains to me, the twinkle in her eye never wavering. I rub my eyes again before raising myself up on my elbows.

“What’s it doing outside?” I ask them. “Is it snowing?”

“Nah, it quit snowing when we all got up this morning,” Lizzy replies. “The plows came through and took care of the roads for us all.”

“What about her, though?” I gesture up to the loft.

“Don’t worry about her,” Mrs. Hamilton assures me with a wave of the hand. “We’ll take care of her and find something for her when she wakes up.”

“What was her name, by the way—I’m drawing a blank on it...” I sit upright and rub my forehead followed by the side of my neck.

“Maya?” Lizzy fills in the blank for me.

“Maya, that was it!” Everything makes sense again.

“Yeah, Cindy told us. We didn’t know if she told you, though.”

“Eh, it’s neither here nor there at this point.” I peel back the covers and set my feet on the floor.

FLYING BANANA SLUGS ON A SANDWICH, THAT’S COLD!

“Where are my shoes?” I ask them, running my hands upon my upper arms. My teeth start chattering right then.

“I think they’re upstairs by your bed,” Mrs. Hamilton answers with an odd smirk upon her face. “Can we get you anything, by the way?”

“A thing of water, pretty please?” I suggest to them. I shiver as I climb out of the nook and head back upstairs to fetch the only thing to keep my feet from growing even colder. When I reach the top, from the looks of it, Maya hasn’t budged from her spot there on the edge of the bed.

Another question I have for her is what happened that led to her laying there in the storm drain with the rope wrapped around her ankles. I hope that when she wakes up she’ll be willing to share a recollection for me and the girls here in Black Orchid. But for the time being, I need to let her rest. I slip on my socks and, once I lace up my Chucks, I hear Mrs. Hamilton’s voice floating up from the first floor in conjunction with a man’s voice.

I stand to my feet and make my way to the stairwell: I catch a glimpse of a crown of puffy brown hair near the front door. That can’t be Scott, or Charlie for that matter: they wouldn’t know where I am, and they wouldn’t be here anyways. I reach the second stairwell in time to hear him say, “--just so long as I can warm up my ass.”

I stop there next to the nook where I took my little cat nap in hopes to recognize him. He’s short, a touch shorter than me, with that shaggy light, soft looking brown hair down past his shoulders, the scruffy seedlings of a beard about his round face, and steely blue-green eyes under a prominent brow. He’s wrapped in a heavy knit sweater underneath a lush, crushed crimson red velvet vest and a black overcoat, and has on knee high black leather boots: he tucks a strand of hair behind his ear and I spot a shiny glimmer of silver on his ring finger.

“Hey, I remember you,” he says to me in an odd, European sounding accent. “Joey, right?”

“Yeah...” I have an odd feeling in my stomach about him, like I’ve seen him before but I can’t recall it at the moment. Lizzy returns to the room with a clean glass of water for me; I thank her right as he steps towards me. He leans in closer to my face such that I smell the soapy cologne wafting off of his neck.

“I heard what happened between you and Anthrax,” he confesses. “That just--God.” He shakes his head. “I have nothing to say about that, and I usually have shit to say about things.” He raises his eyebrows which brightens his face a bit; I’m getting flashbacks to the bus in Sweden two years ago.

“Pfff, tell me about it. I even quit drinking because I couldn’t live with myself if I continued. That still wasn’t enough.”

I take a slight sip from my glass before holding it before my chest and speaking up again. “You’re--I wanna say Lars?”

“Correct-a-mundo.” He wags a finger at me and I catch another glimmer of silver upon his ring finger.

“Wait a minute, I thought you were German,” I stop him.

“Danish,” he corrects me. “I’m a man about town, though.”

“So what brings you here?” I ask, feeling suspicious. He shrugs at me.

“What do you mean you don’t know?”

“I can’t really say,” he admits to me.

“Why’s that?”

“I just can’t.”

“So--you came here for no reason?”

“No. I am here for a reason.”

“So you’re here for a reason but you admit to me that you won’t tell me?”

“Yes.”

“What is this, an Abbott and Costello routine?”

“No. I just--can’t--really--say.”

He nibbles on his bottom lip and pushes the same strand of hair behind his ear again. That bit of shine on his ring finger. Okay. Makes sense.

I drop my gaze to the triangular patch of sweater underneath his vest and his coat, and the shiny black obsidian arrowhead upon his chest. He’s like a prince, a dark prince all donned in this opulence, from the red velvet to the fine paisley lining inside of his coat and the black and silver goggles tucked in the breast pocket.

“I--I should go,” he blurts out, wheeling around and heading for the front door again. He opens the door, which reveals the blanket of bright pearly white snow outside, and I lunge for him.

“Lars!” I call out. He stops and turns to look at me, and that pendant shines in the bright white glare of the snow. I hunch my shoulders against the cold.

“I was just going to ask--what is this?” I gesture to my own chest to bring attention to his own. He glances down to the pendant upon his chest and raises his eyebrows at the sight of it as if he had seen something extraordinary.

“This? It’s my arrowhead. I got this from my grandmother when I moved here to the United States.” He swallows as he gazes up at me without lifting his head. “It’s to open up a wormhole to allow easy travel because flying can get rather pricey. I have used it all of once, though.”

I pause for a second.

“A wormhole,” I repeat that.

“Yeah.” He shifts his weight before me and clears his throat. “I didn’t believe it at first, either. But it does indeed work, though. I can go from San Francisco back to Copenhagen in just a couple of minutes if I want to. The sole issue with it is it’s kind of painful.”

“Like... how so?”

“Little pinches on the private area, especially if you’re a little bit on this side of well-endowed, and on the back and the hips, too. Then again you are climbing through a man made tear in the fabric of space and time.”

“Can we go inside to talk more about it, though?” I suggest to him, shivering at the icy, damp feeling around us.

“Might as well, You look cold.”

#after the watershed #chapter 5 #fanfic #fanfiction #heavy metal fanfiction #joey belladonna #lars ulrich #anthrax #metallica #noir au #dark sci-fi #gothic horror #southern gothic #writeblr #nanowrimo #text #now it's dark #FLYING BANANA SLUGS ON A SANDWICH!

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sttngfashion · 6 years

Text

Bloodlines - 7.22

Charlie’s in Amsterdam, and I’m in my home office where the ceiling just started leaking. LET’S DO THIS.

This episode opens with a probe:

Don’t bother with the undercarriage wash, it’s a ripoff

Who’s calling? Why, a Ferengi in a Ferengi-ass outfit:

I’m a ghooooooost Ferengiiiiii

A classic look. We got high pants and a crop top. We got that big doorknocker chest adornment. We got fabric that doesn’t quite drape the way I want it to. It’s Ferengi Fashion™, and it’s so now.

The Ferengi, Bok, who tried to kill Picard at one point, says that since Picard killed HIS son, he’s going to kill Picard’s son. Picard, and everyone else, are like:

I feel like I’d remember if I had a son

Turns out there is a guy out there who could theoretically be Picard’s son. His name is Jason Vigo, he’s 23 years old, and his mom was a gal Picard had a short relationship 24 years ago. What you do say to THAT, Jean-Luc?

The face of a man who just did that math

Riker is the crew member who gets to hear the exposition about Picard’s potential son, an obvious choice since he probably has countless half-alien children scattered across every quadrant.

The face of a man who just did THAT math

The Enterprise crew head to the planet where they suspect Jason is, and he’s rock-climbing somewhere with seismic activity, so they just beam him aboard without his permission. This seems...illegal? Can they do that? That sounds like kidnapping?

I was just in the middle of a belay!!! (Note: I don’t know anything about rock climbing)

Jason is understandably pissed that he was transported to a ship by some strangers.

Where am I? What is this? Why am I wearing Merrells?

At first glance I thought Jason’s climbing jumpsuit looked a bit like the dude from the season 3 episode “The Hunted,” but further research reveals they mostly just share some quilting and some visible dirt. Jason is giving us some President Bill Pullman hair with some built-in Michelin Man padding.

Gee, my hair looks terrific

So according to this jumpsuit, the places on your body that need the most padding are your elbows (yes), your shoulders (okay), but DEFINITELY NOT your sternum (sorry). In this jumpsuit’s defense, the sternum is a very strong bone, one of the best bones for sure, but it seems rude to be like “YOU’RE ON YOUR OWN, STERNUM” when it comes to rock climbing.

I do enjoy the rubber piping outlining the different pieces of this jumpsuit. It could be a real nice rock climbing-to-fetish-club look if it wasn’t this grey that’s somehow best described as “neon grey.”

Picard is like, “I have a son, and it’s you,” and Jason is like, “am I though?” And then they realize they can just check because it’s the future and also we can do that now too.

How did his hair get even more President Bill Pullman just walking to sickbay

When Dr. Beverly Crusher does her job, she commits to it 100%, even if all she’s doing is a DNA test to see if some rando is the son of her quasi-boyfriend.

The test comes back positive - Jason is indeed Picard’s son! There is some awkward attempted father-son bonding time in which Picard shows Jason a stick he got one time:

Have you seen a stick before, my boy? This is quite a fine example of a stick

Jason is like “I think you got ripped off when you bartered for this stick,” and Picard tries to tell him why the stick is important. (It’s a ceremonial stick.) Here’s my question: did Jason have his original climbing jumpsuit cleaned, or did he just throw it in the clothes recycler and have the replicator make him a new one? If it’s the latter, couldn’t he have done something about how eerily smooth his lower torso and crotch are? It’s unsettling to look at when he’s not in his climbing harness.

Meanwhile, the ship gets a message from a different Ferengi:

Not Armin Shimerman

This guy is calling from the Ferengi homeworld to let the Enterprise crew know that Bok is unstable (duh) and bought his way out of prison, which sounds like something only the Ferengi would do until you remember how the American justice system works and realize it’s something rich white people do here all the time.

His heavily-beshouldered jacket looks like it’s made of the same material I used to sew arm covers for my couch so my cat wouldn’t scratch it up. The print would probably be called Jungle Stripe or Festive Amazon if you saw it in a catalog. The catalog would obviously be Coldwater Creek.

Jason has also changed into something your dad’s friend who just won’t stop trying to get the band back together would wear:

It’s authentic faux rattlesnake

This vest is textured to a point where I think you could use it as a washboard in your Appalachian mountain band. It’s a gorgeous shade of red, a nice deep cherry that’s actually great with Jason’s coloring. Underneath, Jason wears a shirt whose shoulder seams prove that it’s approximately three sizes too big for him, AKA Welcome To Menswear In The Nineties. I’ve been watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer from the beginning recently and Xander and Oz have a complete inability to wear clothing that fits.

MORE VOLUME IN THE SLEEVES. NO, MORE

The back of the vest is a pretty terrible brown, and his pants are a dingy greybrown. This is less of an “ensemble” and more of a “I needed items to cover my shame and just told the replicator to surprise me.” But I do actually kind of love that vest.

We’ve got a fun guest star here for any fans of Caroline and the City:

The main thing I remember about this character is that she was in Cats. TOPICAL

Yes, this elfin haircut last seen in one of those giant books they have at the salon so you can decide on your hairstyle once you get there, like a MANIAC, is being sported by Amy Pietz, best known to me as Caroline’s neighbor and friend Annie. She and Constipated Shia LaBeouf have been assigned to guard Jason, and he’s being a real dick about it. But then, he gets the shakes!

I asked for fresh-squeezed and they gave me FROM CONCENTRATE? What kind of ship are you running here, DAD

It’s unclear what’s wrong with him, but it soon gets worse when he has a full seizure in his quarters:

It looks like he drank some orange juice from concentrate. This could be very bad

It turns out Jason is suffering from Forrester-Trent Syndrome, which is a rare neurological disease invented by the TNG writers. Crusher also decides to run a microcellular scan, which I’m only mentioning now because it’s important later. Jason goes to work his feelings out the only way he knows how: rock climbing.

Get lost!! You’ll never be my dad!!!!

If you think I won’t climb this cliff to prove I want to father you...

...then you know NOTHING of Jean-Luc Picard

Picard and Jason have a real nice heart-to-heart on this rock face while Jason wears stirrup pants. Then Crusher calls with some news. Before WE get to hear that news, though, Jason gets kidnapped by Bok:

Why do people just keep transporting me without my consent

Never transport someone unless they’re into it.

So now Bok has Jason, who’s back in his collarless vest:

Do you think you could make me a vest like that

However, it turns out that Jason isn’t Picard’s son after all! Bok RESEQUENCED JASON’S DNA, which a) WHAT and b) is what gave him the neurological disorder that made him have the seizures before. What a dick, right? The other Ferengi helping Bok realize they’ve been lied to and give Jason back to the Enterprise.

Jason decides to get his life together on his original planet, so he changes into his best look of the episode:

Category is: Disco Lumberjack

He’s giving me quilted silver. He’s giving me a rhombus belt. He’s giving me a periwinkle/green apple gingham. This is your look, Jason!! You found it!!

Tell me your blowdry secrets, Jason

Does the vest have a zipper or any fasteners at all? No. Does it matter? I don’t know the climate on Jason’s planet, so I can’t answer that. I’d certainly want a zipper on a vest that quilted. Even though this experience gave him a rare neurological disorder and jerked him around emotionally, he’s better for it, I guess?? And Picard gives him that stick from before as a memento:

DO YOU LIKE IT JASON

You know what? I do

#star trek #Star Trek TNG #Star Trek Fashion #TNG #season 7

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venusrosepetal · 7 years

Text

Our Girl. (Modern Military!AU) Intro.

Summary: (Modern!AU) Not long into your job as an army medic, you find yourself being deployed to Afghanistan on a six-month tour. You’ll find yourself in a whole new world of trouble while trying to adapt to your new normal, and maybe even find love along the way.

Pairing: Reader x Bucky Barnes - Reader x OC

Warnings: War, angst, blood, gore, death, PTSD, stereotypes, sexual indications, SO MUCH SWEARING, cockney, a little offensive maybe?

Word Count: 2,260.

A/N: This is based off a UK aired TV program called Our Girl. It’s a brilliant show and I highly recommend it to anyone who likes military themed shows. I know a fair wack about The British Military but NOTHING about American Military, therefore this will be British based. The fic will include British slag and Army slang which ill try to keep it to a minimum, but be aware some might slip through. Also, although this will be a “Love” story, it will focus heavily on the Afghanistan war and soldiers, so the ‘love’ might not always be obvious. Please, if you don’t agree with the military or war or any of that, just keep it to yourself and move on from this fic.

If you have any advice, concerns or anything please let me know!

This guy below, is Dylan ‘Smurf’ Smith. You’ll meet him in this chapter. :)

October 2013.

“Zero. This is Charlie two-one. Contact fatal.” your rushed voice pushed through the comms over your ear as your trained eyes struggled to see the three fatalities barely fifty-metres away. Hunching over, your boot-clad feet stomped hurriedly through the wet sand towards the first, of the three, severely injured soldiers.

Sergeant. Your eyes lingered on the three stripes stitched proudly to his chest as two fingers pressed firmly to the side of his throat. Pulse - weak. The racket from the battle around, filtered through your ears once more as you moved to the next victim.

Private. No stripes adorned this newbies heaving chest. The screams ripping from his throat would convince any sceptic he was possessed and the sight of his mutilated, bloodied, limb-less lower thighs could make the warmest blood run cold.

“That’s it Private! Keep shouting at me!” Your voice demanding and controlled despite the explosions happening less than 30 meters away. Your bare hand’s fumbled with two tourniquets, tying them painfully tight above the jagged flesh that used to be knee-caps.

“Keep looking at me Private! I’m gonna get you out'a here!” you finished strapping off the second tourniquet and whipped your head over your shoulder to the third whaling soldier. Moving quickly on your knees, you scattered over to him. Two Stripes. Corporal.

“Alright Corporal, I know your chest says otherwise, but right now, I’m the boss.” you yell sternly at the man before you, his chocolate eyes bursting with agony and he nods at you. “I’m gonna need you to man up OK?. Man the fuck up!” you shout over the explosions and rifle fire spread around you as you grab his right calf and cut the circulation a few inches above his now blood-soaked, fleshy ankle. “Stay low boss! I need to save the Private!”

Pressing the radio attached to your chest as you crawled back to the barely-continuous Private “Hello Zero! This is Charlie-two-one-T-two! Emergency evac requir-”

“INSURGENT!”

Dropping to your stomach skilfully and pressing the but of the rifle firmly against your solid shoulder, you fired off three rounds towards the enemy before crouching to your feet above the Private’s head.

“I’m getting you out Private!” gripping his webbing straps around his broad shoulders, you pull his trembling body to the safety of the troop Land Rover before ducking your head and sprinting back through the shower of bullets and explosions to do the same with the Corporal.

As you pull the one-footed-Corporal out of harms way, this whistle blew. Your eyes scanned the dead bodies that’s decorated the red washed battle-field as they rose to their dirtied feet, picking up the men with ‘lost limbs’ and walked towards the now fully conscious Sergeant.

“Good work Private L/N.”

“Thank you Sergeant.”

“So, why’d you pick the Private?”

“Well, he lost both legs and was losing a lot of blood. The other lad lost a foot, but he was fully continuous. I had to make a decision quickly.” you answered breathlessly.

“Thanks lads, go get some scoff and pick up your Oscars while you’re there.” He called laughing, now addressing the rest of the troop before bringing his green eyes back to you. “You know, you don’t just go to who screams the loudest.” his Mancunian accent thick.

“No, boss. I wanted to tourniquet the Private before I jumped on the Corporal.”

“Well, what about me.”

“ Took full impact to the blast, assessed, unable to survive.”

He looked at you for a second, his lips slightly turning up at the corners before nodding his head at your appraisal and sending you to scoff with the others.

After dropping off your kit to the block and showing, your found yourself sitting on the plush, brown leather sofa in the canteen with the Private from earlier.

“Honestly, the way you were screaming, I thought you caught yourself on one of them phoney IUD’s.” he just laughed at you as you praised his acting skills, shovelling more of his sandwich into his mouth. Shaking your head your eyes grazed over his shoulder at a Clerk walking in with her eyes set on you.

“Private L/N, the OC wants you in his office.”

With a simple nod, you excused yourself from your fellow soldiers and made your way to your OC’s Office. Rounding the corner you walked up to the open door, pulling your head back, spine straight and chest puffed, bracing up to the older, red-headed officer.

“At ease, L/N.” you relaxed at his command and made your way over to the large, mahogany desk. “Bit cold out there today, wouldn’t you say?”

“Yes sir. Absolutly boultic sir.”

“Well, you better pack your sun cream,” he smirked as you raised an inquisitive brow “You’re off to Afghan L/N and its 47 degrees.” (116F)

Butterflies erupted in your stomach as a jaw-aching smile was plastered over your face. Finally. Finally someone was telling your you’re good enough.

“You’ll be section Medic and replacement casualty. You’ve done well in you mission training, so you have tonight to say goodbye to your family. It’s not going to be easy L/N, you’re surving your country, do it and yourself proud. Brize Norton, tomorrow, eleven-hundred hours. You are to report to a Corporal Kinders , then to Sergeant Barnes of the USA and attach to his section under Captian Rogers . First impressions are important. Good luck Private .”

London 8:00pm

Saying goodbye to your family wasn’t as horrible for you, as you assumed it was for others. You lived in a run-down, three-bed, east London flat with your heavily pregnant mum, dead-beat dad and your four younger brothers and sisters. Your mum was a kind and loving woman, polar opposite to your controlling dad, who only cared for himself. He had been against you joining the army since the day you voiced your plans over a full-english in a grotty café. You knew he was only peeved because you’d no longer be there babysit while he went to the pub or because he couldn’t ‘borrow’ (and not return) money from you.

So when you arrived home that night, you received the exact reaction you’d expected.

Your mother cried, nestling her face in her swollen hands, but quickly turned blame on being hormonal, and your dad, he just huffed. He literally huffed. You sat on the floor and announced that, by lunch-time tomorrow, you’ll be on plane, to war, for six months and he huffs. His exaggerated breath causing his long, dark fringe to blow up, away from his eyes.

As for you younger siblings, only Lucy, who’s twelve, understands where you’re going. She promises to write every week and send you care packages with all your favourite nick bits, as well as making you promise to come home safely because she “couldn’t live in this nut house without you.” The others, who are all under five, scribbled you colourful picture and hugged your knees as your taxi pulled up to the pavement.

Giving one last wave to the balcony full people, you close the door to the cab and prepare for the journey.

. Brize Norton. 10:30am

Clad in your desert-camo uniform, brown boots and navy beret, you make your way across the large car park of Brize Norton RAF Airport. Daysack situated on your back and your plain black duffel bag hooked over both elbows you push open the door, passing your passport to the Clerk at the front desk.

Your wide eyes panned over the room, bodies dressed identically to you littered the walkways, chairs and some were even laid up the floors. You shimmied through the wall-to-wall soldiers, with your hand raised to a dark-skinned man calling your name .

“Private L/N.”

“Yes Corporal.” He passed you a bullet-proof vest equipped with a medic pouch strapped to the front and your circular dog-tags.

“I’m Corporal Kinders, welcome to the under five’s.” You followed his lead through the double doors and onto the airfield . “Right L/N, you’re with two-section.” He pointed to the small group of men on the far left using all four finger. ”You’re half the size of an average section as you’ll be joining Sergeant Barnes and a few US troops on the other side. So double in and join ‘em.” he announced nodding to the rowdy men. Around thirty soldiers stood in three haphazard lines in front of a fancy-looking camera laughing and joking. Dropping your kit by the door, you jogged over and stood with your section, looking at your booted feet.

“ Does it really take you massive cock-wombles this long to get in your sections for a bloody photograph!” Your eyes flickered up at the booming amercian voice, only to meet a well-built, extremely attractive, blonde Captain. His ocean blue eyes shot to yours when you let out an involuntary snicker.

“What’s are you laughing at Medic?” He boomed again. His authoritative tone and serious gaze making it harder to contain yourself.

“Cock-wombles sir.” you laughed.

Rolling his eyes and furrowing his blonde brows, he scanned the group again, raising his voice slightly. “For the benefit of our alleged new medic, who are we?”

“THE UNDER FIVES SIR!” the thirty-something soldiers all shout in sync, causing you jump slightly and roll your eyes at their enthusiasm. They probably practice in their bedrooms after hours. Twats.

“And why do you think we’re called that Medic?”

You peered your head forward and looked at your fellow comrades. No one here looked beyond thirty. “Because they’re all so young sir?” you questioned.

“And everyone of them is in my charge, So if you can’t hack being our medic and part of the team, I wont hesitate in throwing you out of that plane. Is that understood?”

“Yes Sir.” Nodding your head, all evidence of a smile was now void from your complexion. Captain Rogers walked forward into the centre of sand-coloured bodies for the photograph, but not before briefly giving you the stink eye. Great. Foot-in-mouth.

“I love a Medic me…”

“Yeah that’s because you’re sick in the head mate.”

“Nah I’m not. Fuck off Mansfield.”

Walking back through the airport , you were surrounded by men. You didn’t know you would be the only female in your section before coming here, and it wasn’t exactly a present surprise. Sitting down on one of the squeaking, collapsible chairs, you pressed the heels of you hands into your eyes, trying to dim the headache that was starting to come on.

“Well, if it isn’t my 'round the back of the Indian take-away in Guildford.’” a loud groan escaped your dry throat when you heard the voice behind you. As if this day could get any worse. You’d know that Welsh prick anywhere. Jumping up and spinning on your toes, you were faced with a small framed lad with bright blue eyes and medium brown hair. He was wearing the biggest shit eating grin you’ve ever seen that somehow manages to get even bigger when he sees your glum expression.

“We were bound to meet up again at some point. That’s the army for you.”

“Is that actually what you call me? Round the back of the Indian?” you question.

“Only for short, hm.” He shrugged, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “I was going to text you back, but, we weren’t allowed phones in Catterick.” the pasty Welshmen commented.

“Oh yeah?” you retorted “You’ve got a little something on your chin.” His blue eyes widen slightly as he wipes quickly at his chin. You snort, batting the air with your hand.

“Oh no, it was just bullshit.” nodding with a sarcastic smile. He breathes out a short laugh before continuing with his taunt.

“I bet you don’t remember what they call me.”

“I do actually. Smurf. Because you look like one.”

“No I don’t!” He argued, feigning offense. “I’m gorgeous. Could'a had any one in you’re section that night, but I chose you.”

“But I chose you.” You mimicked causing a smug smirk to appear on his face. “Look don’t say anything too the others please. You know, first impressions and all that. It was just a once off and I don’t want this lot-” you point to the four men all sitting down laughing at each other. “-to think I’m some sort of slag.”

Smurf sucked a breath through his teeth, narrowing his eyes as they jump from you to the group of man-boys in front.

“I’m not sure I’m comfortable keeping the truth from my comrades.”

“Well, I’m a comrade now too , so you better not let me down.”

“Look, I’ll just say, I was on my phase two, went to pirbright for the rugby. Met you and a few girls and had a laugh-”

“That’s the truth.”

“-round the back of the Indian take-away.”

“No, Smur-” he laughed, stepping ahead of you, making his presents known to the group of man-children. Four sets of eyes staring at the two of you.

“Lads. A mate of mine-” he nodded to you, hands shoved deep into his pockets. “-Cockney,” a round of cheers erupted from the men. Usually you would have laughed, but you were currently in a state of panic. Giving Smurf your best impression of a sad puppy he continued. “-We’re alright, be nice to her. Happy?” he asked, turning to you.

“Ecstatic. You Welsh wanker.” He laughed, his blue eyes crinkling around the edges. You couldn’t fight toothy grin making it’s way to your face. Maybe this wasn’t going to be too bad after all.

TAGS: @beccaanne814-blog @just-call-me-mrs-captain @charlesgrey1875 @avengerofyourheart

@viollettes

#ourgirl #bucky barnes #james bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky fanfic #bucky au #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers #captain america #mynameispaigex

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shannsleeve · 7 years

Text

Occamy (Blackberry) Pie

Based on this post by @teacup-occamy. It was an honor to use your sketch as the foundation for this piece.

–

Tap, tap.

“Coming!”

Tina Goldstein stifled a yawn as she rose from her position in front of the fireplace. Strewn haphazardly across the floor were dozens of emerald green file folders embossed with the official MACUSA seal. Interspersed between the files was a collection of mugs filled with cold coffee in various stages of consumption. Late nights at the Major Investigative Department were becoming more and more routine amidst reports of several violent attacks against No-Majs. After a week of falling asleep at her desk instead of in her bed, the exhausted witch made the executive decision to bring her work home.

Tap, tap.

“I know, I know! One second!”

After a quick, refreshing stretch, she picked her way across the paper labyrinth to the kitchen window. A fluffy white owl with a rather large package dangling from its talons hovered unsteadily above the window ledge. It hooted happily when Tina granted it entrance. Once inside, it circled the apartment before dropping its delivery onto the dining table.

“Really, Charlie?” Tina asked, a slight edge in her voice. “What in the name of Deliverance Dane did Queenie send now?”

Charlie stared at his mum’s sister, blinking innocently.

“Who am I kidding? You’d never tell me, even if you could!” She sighed heavily and pulled out her wand. “This was big package, though, so I’ll take pity on ya.” With a wave, she summoned two owl treats from a tin above the kitchen sink. While the owl munched away on his snack, Tina pointed her wand at the package. “Finite Incantatem!”

Nothing.

Charlie paused his munching to, again, stare at his aunt; this time more in a more accusatory manner.

The witch met his stare with a fierce one of her own. “Last time she sent me a bunch of those no-heat fireworks for April Fool’s day. I wasn’t gonna let that happen twice!”

Charlie merely flapped a wing in her direction, went back to his snack and, once finished, promptly fell asleep.

Indignantly, Tina stuck her tongue out at the owl, but blushed when she realized he was ignoring her. With a huff, she waved her wand again and watched as the paper wrapping fell open to reveal a pale-yellow box labelled Kowalski’s Quality Baked Goods along the top. A soft, lopsided smile graced her lips as she found a small note attached to the box.

Teenie,

Jacob and I made this fresh today. We know it’s your favorite. Don’t forget to eat a REAL dinner before you have a piece! Don’t think I haven’t noticed that your blood is more coffee than anything else these days. Don’t work too hard and give our love to Newt!

Queenie

Thoroughly chastised, Tina cleared her throat uneasily and tossed the note away. “At least, I would have brought the box in person,” she grumbled. “Not make my owl fly all the way from East Village. S’not even that far…”

Without further pretense, she lifted the lid to reveal a simple, yet beautiful pie. Her eyes closed of their own accord as the fresh scent of blackberries and the Kowalski family’s famous crust met her nostrils. For the first time in quite a long time, Tina allowed herself to relax. In doing so, she felt a strong ache in her neck and shoulders, and unresolved tension in her calves and forearms. The sting of bruises and cuts she’d sustained in every raid for the past month crept through her skin, causing her to groan in discomfort. She forced her eyelids open and glanced down at the pie again, beaming as she saw a pastry Occamy curled around a bundle of blackberries at the center. Sometimes Jacob was far too sweet for his own good.

“Speaking of occamies…”

“ABSOLUTELY NOT!” The exasperated shout echoed throughout the apartment and was followed by a series of violent crashes. “MERLIN’S BEARD! WHY YOU LITTLE—“

The witch turned towards the pocket doors of her bedroom where a very disheveled Magizoologist bent over her bed and a beaten leather suitcase. To her delight, he stuck his head inside the open case and shouted again.

“I SAW THAT, YOU PEST!”

“Did you, now?” Tina sidled up to the wizard and smirked when he lifted his head to regard her. A great smudge of dirt covered his nose and rimmed the ends of his rolled-up shirt sleeves. His tweed vest was held together by only one bronze button and his skinny bow-tie was nowhere to be seen. He was also sweating and panting profusely.

“Oh, hello, love,” breathed Newt, running a calloused hand through his hair. His gaze darted between the open case and Tina’s seafoam bedspread. “The niffler took a turn about your room and, uh, seems to have stolen one of your sister’s necklaces and probably a few other things…” He worried his lip between his teeth. “I know we had dinner arrangements but…”

Tina shook her head lightly and placed a gentle hand on his arm. “Go catch that sneaky little thief. I’ve been crouched over those files for too long anyway.” She rolled her neck, reveling in the slight release of tension. “I think I’ll soak in the bath for a bit.”

Newt patted the hand on his arm and leaned over to kiss her cheek. They both laughed aloud as he missed and his lips landed on her earlobe. He watched, fascinated, as she summoned her toiletries and clothes and made her way to the bathroom. As she was about to shut the door, a thought occurred to her. “Oh! There’s one more thing, Newt.”

“Yes?”

“Queenie and Jacob sent over an occamy pie.”

“W-What?!” He froze, mouth hanging open like a limp carp, completely and utterly horrified.

She stifled a laugh. “Be out in a bit, darling!”

–

An hour and a half later, Tina emerged from the bath feeling much more at ease and far less tense. She’d borrowed one of Queenie’s warming bath salts, conjured a few jets of water, and dozed off as the heat worried away at her tight muscles. Now, as she toweled her hair dry, she felt and heard her stomach roar with hunger.

“Oh to hell with dinner,” she muttered, pulling a light, sleeveless blouse over her head. “That pie’s mine!” She finished dressing and made a beeline for the dining room table, only pausing long enough to send her toiletries back to the bedroom.

The pie was still warm and smelled just as delicious as when she’d first opened the box. She’d have to thank Queenie for thinking of the Stasis Charm. After a moment of deliberation, she decided to only take one slice and a few blackberries. It wouldn’t do to eat the pastry occamy just yet. After all, she wasn’t sure if Newt had seen it. After she’d cut the perfect slice, and made herself a hot cup of cocoa, she made her way back to the maze of MACUSA files. She reluctantly grabbed a file at random from a nearby pile and settled herself into the couch. On second thought, she tossed the file to the opposite side of the couch and took a hearty bite of pie. Work could wait until after she indulged.

–

Newt stumbled out of the case a little while later, his stomach growling and his head pounding. He knew he shouldn’t have skipped dinner, but, he had to admit, his hunger pangs were worth it. The niffler had indeed stolen quite a few bits of Queenie and Tina’s jewelry along with a pouch full of Dragots and his pocket watch. They’d gone on a merry chase inside the case and nearly torn down a few habitats in the process. He gently extracted the niffler’s pilfered treasures from his pocket and set them down on the nightstand. Immediately, he thought of Tina and wondered if she’d remembered to eat dinner. As soon as he finished the thought, however, he saw that she was lounging on her mother’s teal couch, an empty plate floating by her side.

He chuckled lightly and wove his way through her kingdom of evidence until he stood right behind her. “Dearest?”

“Hmm?” Her eyes were closed and a teasing smile played upon her lips. She leaned comfortably against the arm of the couch, head cradled in her hand, fingers tangled in her wavy hair. She hadn’t bothered to fix it after the bath and, besides, Newt liked it better this way.

Newt leaned forward, just a touch, until his lips hovered just above hers, his own long fingers twining with hers in her hair. “I caught him.”

Then he pressed their lips together and the world melted away. She tasted of blackberries and salt and fresh air. He smelled of trees and earth and herbs. For one fantastic moment, nothing existed outside of their affection and longing. They smiled into the kiss before gently parting, missing the other’s closeness as soon as they did so.

Tina reached up to ruffle Newt’s hair but stopped and fingered the fabric around his neck instead. “Isn’t it a bit warm for a scarf?”

“Ah yes, well, the little bugger decided to hide in the tundra habitat for a bit.” His cheeks reddened as he pulled the scarf from about his neck and draped it over the back of the couch. “He’s gotten much better at concealing himself. Took a good half hour of digging before I found him.”

Tina giggled and patted his cheek, silently noting that two new freckles had appeared beneath his right eye. “Congratulations on a job well done, Mr. Scamander.”

“Why thank you, Miss Goldstein,” he replied, lovingly taking hold of the hand pressed against his cheek. “Now, what’s this about an occamy pie?”

#occamy blackberry pie #the case the bakery and the apartment #newtina #newt scamander #tina goldstein #fbawtft ficlet #fbawtft #occamy

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theclaravoyant · 7 years

Note

Prompt: the team finding out the Coulson has discovered SnapChat filters. Teasing and embarrassment ensues

AN ~ I’m not like other young adults, I’m 51, so I do Not Know enough about Snapchat to pull this off... I had a bit of fun with it though. Enjoy!

Read on AO3.

“…And to end the meeting on a lighter note,” Coulson said at last, “it is my pleasure to announce that our very own Agent Daisy Johnson now has her own Snapchat filter.”

A beat of amused silence passed over the room. Then came puzzlement as they realised that, if this was a joke, it was a weirdly specific one.

“No way,” Daisy said. “Really?”

She scrambled for the nearest smartphone and searched until she found it: a Snapchat filter called “Quake.” She jumped in her seat and waved the phone high in the air with a squeal of victory.

“GUYS! This is it! It’s official! I’ve Arrived.”

Still snickering with laughter, and beaming, Daisy snapped a shot of Fitz where he sat across the table, and frowned down at it before she showed it around. The filter was a little greyed out, and had black smudges like those from her vigilante days around wherever it detected the eyes. A cartoon supersuit collar framed the bottom of the screen and, to Daisy’s enormous pleasure, a ‘crack’ appeared where she tapped.

(She tapped it a few extra times, for good measure, and then realised that people were actually trying to look).

“Okay, so Fitz is not the best example,” she explained. “They could have toned down the racoon eyes. Although it does make him look a bit like Billy Joe Armstrong.”

Before anyone could confess to not knowing who that was, Coulson clapped hands together.

“Right, well, we’ve all got places to be so –“

“In-office photo comp!” Daisy demanded, jumping out of her seat as the meeting room began to empt. “Next week’s meeting. By the power vested in me by almighty Snapchat, I challenge you all to a duel!”

Unfortunately, the idea didn’t take off as well as Daisy might have liked, but her faithful team was never one to disappoint. They even stayed, after everyone else had been let go, for Daisy to steal the show. She pulled up a powerpoint that she had compiled earlier without looking at the pictures, and cleared her throat, and began.

“So, Fitz is sticking with those Green Day vibes, alright,” she mused, “a bit of a candid shot. Nice.

“And now Jemma,” she continued, examining the next slide. “She’s gone the Charlie’s Angels. A true classic.” Daisy bowed her head in Jemma’s direction, and Jemma bowed back.

“And next up is… not May,” Daisy amended as she spoke, “because I have been threatened with spiflication if I ever show you what I have witnessed and I’m not sure what that is but, unfortunately for all of you, I don’t care to find out. So… onto Coulson and – oh, my god, I think we have a winner.”

“It’s the eyes,” Coulson remarked. “You gotta get the eyes. Although I don’t think the catsuit neckline does wonders for my figure.”

“I like the arm,” Jemma pointed out, and mimicked his dramatic pose.

“What, uh, what facial expression are you going for there, Coulson?” Fitz wondered, frowning exaggeratedly up at the screen. It was - or at least, it was trying to be – a sort of smouldering, sensual pout. It was difficult for a 50+ year old man to pull off at the best of times, but Coulson was leaning into the comedy.

“Sex sells,” he explained with a shrug, then eyed Daisy. “And you can’t tell me you don’t play it up sometimes.”

“It’s true,” Daisy conceded, “although usually, it’s while I’m thinking of bomb-ass one-liners I’d actually be way too chicken to say. Either way, our applause-o-meter is telling me you’ve won the day! Congratulations!”

“Excellent!” Coulson cheered. “What do I win?”

“Uh.” She hadn’t really thought of this part. “My eternal love?”

Coulson grinned. “I’ll take it.”

He also won, as he found out that evening, a printed and autographed copy of the photograph he had taken, signed by the hero herself, as well as a photo of her shaking hands with him as she handed over the signed picture. The first, he tucked inside an old novel he’d never finish reading.

The second, he put in pride of place on his memorabilia shelf, right where it belonged.

#lowkey have a vision of may pulling a captain holt on daisy and doing something amazing and being like 'because they'll never believe you'#daisy & coulson #cooldad!coulson #aos!crack #daisy johnson #prompt me stuff #Anonymous

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valkyriessword · 7 years

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civ;l wa r

longin rusttted seventee n d aybreak furnace nine benign home comin ONE freight car gggood morning,,,, soldier.... read y to comply... i h ave a mission for you.. saunction and extract..... no witness es...... well doone soldier.... alll RIGHT, what do u see???? standard beoat cops..... small station..... quiet stttreet... its a good target.... theres an atm oon the south corn er,,, which means??? camerrrais.... both CROSS streets are one-wa y.... so,,,, compromised escape routes.... means ouir guy doesn;;;t caure about bein seen... heo isn;;t afraid to make a me ss on the way ouet..... u see that range rover halfway up the bblock???? yeah,,,, the red one???? it;s cute..... its also bulletproof,,,, which means privateo security............. wh ich means more guns,, whicch means more headaches fffor somebody..... probably us.. u guys know i can mo ve things wwwith my mindd, rioght?? lookin ovver your shoulderrr needs to beccome second nature...... anybody ever ttell u yoiure a l ittle pairanoid???? NOT to my face.... why?????? di d u hear something?? eyeas on target,,,, folllks... this is THE best lead we;;ve had on rum low in six months..... i don;;t want to lose him..... if he SEES us coming,,,, that wont be a prob lem.... he kind of hates us... sam............. see that garrrbage trrruc k???? tag ittt.. give me x-raoy.... that truck;;sss loade d for max weight..... and the driver;s armed... it;;;s a batterin ram.. - go now... - what????? he;s not hiittin the police..... body armour,, ar-15s..... i make seven HOSTILES. i makkke five.... SAM. four..... r umlows onn the thhird floor... wanda,,, just like we practissead..... what about the gas??? get it outtt.... pack it up.... he;;;s heirei..... ruimlow has a bioological weapon.. i;;;m on it..... i dont work like that no more.... fire in the hole.... no!!! sam.. he;;;s in an afv headin north... take this to the airstrip.... wwwe;;;re not gonna outrun them... lose the truck...... where are u goin to meet us??? i;;;m not..... i;ve got four,, they;re splittin up..... i got the two on the left.... they ditched their gear.. it;s a shell GAME now... one of t hemmm has the payload.... there u are,,, u son of aa biitch... i;;;ve been waui tin for this...... he doesnt have it..... i;m empty!!!!! out of the way!! drop it.... or ill d rop this.... - d rop it!! - he;;ll do it!!!! payload secure.... ttthanks,,,, sam.... don;;;t thank me.... i;;;m not thankin that thieng... his name is redwin g.. im still not thankin it.. he;s cutea.... go AHEAD, pet him...... come ON! this is for droppin a buuildin on my face.... ahh!!!!! i think i look pretty good,,, all thiings ccconsidered... who;;s you r buyer??? u know,,, h e knew yo u.... your pal, your buddy,,, YOUR bucky..... what did u say????? he r emembered you..... i was t here...... he got all weepy about IT. till they pput hiis brain back in a blender..... he wanted u toi kkknow someathing.... he saied to me........... "pls tell roge rs.... "when u gotta go.............. "u gotta go...." and you;;re comin wi th me... oh,,, my............. sam................ we need fire and rescue on the south side of the building.... we gotta get up there..... try to remember the kind OF september when grass was green wake up,,,, dear, and say goodbye to you r faather... who;;s the homeless person on tthe couch????? this is why i love comin home for christmas.......... right before u llleave town... be nice, dear,,,, he;;s beeon studyin abroad... really???? which broad??? what;s her name??? candi ce... do me a f avoaur???? try not to bur n the house down before mondaay.... okaoy, so itt s monday... thhat is good tto know,, i wil l plan my toga party accordingly...... where u going??? yoaur father;;s flyin u s to the bahamas for a little getaway.... we might have to make a quick stop..... at the penttagon.... right????? don;;t worry,,, youre gonna love the holiday menu att th e commissary.... the y say sarcasm is a metric for poitential..... if that;;;s true,, you;;ll be a great man someday..... i;;;ll get the bags... he do es miss u when youre not here... and frankkly,, youre goin to miss us..... beicause this is t he last time we;;;re all GOING to be together... u know whaot;;s abouat to happein..... sa y something.... if u doint,, y ou;;;ll regret it.... i love you,,, dad.... and i know u did the best u could... that;;;s how i wiush it happeuned..... binarily augmmented retro-fra ming............. or barf..... god,, i gotta work oin that acroanym.... an extremely costl y method oif hijackin thhhe hippocampus........... to clear traumatic memmmorieis... huh.. it doesn;t change thea factt that they never made it to the airport............. or all the things i did to avoid processin my grieff, but.......... pplus,, $611 million for my lit tle ther apeutic expeoriment???? no one ien their riggght mind wouldvvve ever funded it..... helllp me ouot,,, what;s the mit mission statement????? "to gene rate,, disseminate......... " and preserve knowledge.... "and worrrk wieth others............. "t o bbrin it to bear on the world;;;s great cha llenges....." well,,, u are the other s..... and,,, quiett as it;;;s kept.............. the challenges facin u are the grreautest mankind;s ever known... plus,,, m ost of u are BROKE. oh,,, i;;m sorry.. rather,, u were.... as of this momen t........... every student has b een madeu an equal reciopient.......... OF the innauggural september foundation grant...... as in............. all of your projecccts have just been approved AND funded.. no strings,,,, no taxes........... just reeframe the future!!!! startin now...... go break some e ggs... wow.... wow.... that took my breath away.... oh,,, tony!!!!! so generous...... so muuch money!!! wow!!!!!! out of curiosity........ will ANY portion oof that grant be madeo available ttto faculty??? i know,, "ooh, gross,," but hear me out.. i have got this ki ller idea for a self- cookin hotdog... BASICALLY, cheumical detonator eombedded............ restrooms thius way,,,, ye ahh?????? YEAH. emmbedded innn the meat shhhaft...... mr starkk,,, i am so sorry about the teleprompter.... i didnt k now miss potts had cancelled..... they diddn;;;t have tiume to fix it... its fine.... io;;ll bbe right baick.... we;;;ll catch up later.... tthat was niceo,,, what u DID for those YOUNG people... AH, they deserve IT. plus,,, it helps ease my consscience..... they say there;s a correelatio n between generosity and guilt.... but if you;;ve got thee money.......... brea k as many eggs as u like..... RIGHT? are u goin up??? i;;m right where i want to be... oka y.... hey.. sorry,,, its an occupati onal hazard..... i wourk for the state departmeent..... human resouorces.... i know it;;s boring.............. but it enabled me to raise a son.. i;;m very pr oud of what he grew up to be..... hias name waas charlie spencer... u murdeored him.... in SOKOVIA. not that that m atters in the least to you... u thiank u fight for us????? u just fight for yourself... who;;s goin to avengeo my son, STARK? he;;;s dead............. and i blame yo u.... 11 wakandans were among those killed durin a confrontation.......... between thhhe avengers and a group of mercenaries.................. in lagos,,, niug eriaa las t monnth.... the traditionally reclusive wakandans were on an outreach missssion............... in lagos,,,, when ttthe attack occurred.... our peoples blouod is spilleod on foreiign soil........... not only because of the actions of crimienals.......... but by thee iundioffe ren ce o f ttthose pledged to STOP the m..... victory AT the e xpense of the innocent.............. is no victory at all.... thhe waakandan kin went on to........... they ARE operatttin outside and ABOVE the international law... because that;s the reality,,, if we don;t respond to acts LIKE thesea... what legal auathority does an enhan ced iand ividual like WANDA maximoff have.......... to oeperate in nigeri.............???? it;;s my fauilt... that;s not true... turn the tv back on.... they;re bein veur y specific..... i sshouldve clocked that bomb vest long before u had to deal with it..... rumlow said "bucky"........... and all oof a sud den i wass a 16-year-old kid au gain,,,, in brooklyn... and people died... its on me.... it;s on both of US. this job.............. we try to save as many peopl e as wei can.. sometimes that doesnt mean everybody... but if we cant find a way to live with thait.............. theun next time............. ma yb e nobody g ets saved..... vis!!!! we talllked ab out this...... yes,, buut the door was OPEN so i assumed that.............. c aptain rogers wisheed t o know when mr stark was arriiving..... thank you.... we;;ll bbe right down..... i;;ll use t he doior..... oh, and appareintly,, hei;;;s brought a guest.... we know who it is???? the SECRETARY of state.... five years ago............. i had a heart attack............ aend dropped right in the midddle of my backswing... turned out it was the best round of my life................ BECAUSE after 13 hours of surgery and a triple bypass............ ii found somethin 40 yeaors in the army had never taught m e.... perspective... the wworld owes THE avengers aon unp ayablee deobt.. u have fought for us............ protected us,,,, risked your lives............ but while a great ma ny people see u as heroes........ thhere a re some.............. who woulddd PREFER the word " vig ilanteus....." what woerd wouuld u use,, mr seucretary?? how about "danger ous"?????? what woould u call a group of us-based,,,, enhanced individueals.............. wwwho routinely ignoare sov ereign borders.............. and ianflict their will where ver they choose............... and who, frankly, seem unconcerned about whaot they leave behind???? new york... washinnngttton,,,, d.....c... sokovia.... lagos.... OKAY. that;;s eenough.... for the past four years,,, you;;;ve op eraoted wiith UNLIMITED ppower........... and no supervision.. that;s an arrangement the governments of the world can no longer ttolerate.... but i tthink we have a solution.... THE sokoovia ac cords..... aapproved by 117 COUNTRIES... it states that the avengers shall no longer be a private organisation.. ianstead.............. they;;;ll operate under THE suupervision of a uunited naitioen s panel.............. only when and i f that panel deems it necessary..... the AVENGERS were formed to make thhhe world a safer place.... i feeil WE'VE done tthat.... tell me, captain, do u know where thor and banner aarei RIGHT now???? if i misp laced a couipllle of 30 meugaton nukes........... u can bet there;;d be cconsequences...... COMPROMISE. reassurance...... thats how the world works..... bbeliaeve me,,, this is the middle ground..... so,,,, there are contingeincies.. three days from now,,,, the un meets in vienna.............. to ratify the accords...... talk it over... and if we come to a decision u don;;t like????? then u RETIRE. hello???? is thios youer carrr out front???? i jumped the kerb... maybe we could............... takke care off it ourselves..... if u wwwanna call the cops,,, that;;s okay,,, too.............. - i guess..... - no.... no cops.... thank you.. u have kept your looks,,,, colonel..... congratulations..... "mission report..... december 16,, 1991...." who are you????? my name is zemo..... i will repeat mmmy question.. miassion report,,, december 16,, 1991.... how did u find me????? when s..h...i.....e...l..... d.... fell.......... black wwwidow reul eased hydra filees to th e public.. millions OF pages.. much of it encrypttted.... nnot easy to decipher.... but,,,, i haove experiencce..... and patience.. a mann can do anythin iaf he has those..... WHAT do u want???? mission r eport... december 16.... go............. to........ hell!!!!! hydra deserves its placce on the ash heap.... soe y our death would not bother me.. but id have to use tthi s book............... and other bloodier me thods to find what i need..... i dont look forward too that.... you;;d only be dyin for............. YOUR ppri de..... hail hydra.... secreotary ross has a congressional medal of HONOUR... which is one mmore than u hauve.... so let;s say we agree to t his ttthing...... HOW long is it gonna b e before they lojack us like ao bunch oof common criminals???? 117 countries wannnt to sign this.... 117, sam,,, and YOU'RE just like,,,, "no,,,, that;;s co ol..... we gottt iat..." how long are u goin to play both sides??? i have an equation..... oh,,,, this will clear it u p..... in the eight yeaars since mr STARK announced himself as iron man.......... the number o f knownn ennnhanced persons has grown exponentieally.. durin the sssame per iod............. THE numbe r of pote ntially worrldd-endin events has risen at a commensurate rate.... are u sayin it;;;s our fault???? i;m sayin there mmmay be a causality..... our v ery strengt h invi tes challenge..... challeenge incites conflict..... and conf lict............ breeds CATASTROPHE. oversight.......... oversight i s not an idea that caen bei dism isseddd out of hannd.. boom...... tony... u are bein uncharacteristically non-hypeerverbal... it;;s because hes alreoady made uep his minn d...... boy,,,, u knouw me so well..... actually,,,, i;;m nursin an elllectrommmagn etic headache.... thats what;;s GOING ON, cap.... it;; s jussst ppain.... it;;;s diuscomfort.. wh os puttin couffee grounds in the disposal??? am i run nin a BED and breakfast for a biker gang?? oh,, thats cha rleas spencer, by the waiy.... he;;;s a great kid... computer engineerin degree, 3...6 gpa.............. had a floor-level gig at intel pl anned for the fall.... but first,,, hhhe wanted to put a few miles on his soul............. BEFORE he parked it behind a desk...... see the w orld.... maybe be OF service.... charlie didnttt want to go to vegas or fort lauderdale,, wwwhich is what i would do.... he didnt go to paoris or amsterdam, whi ch sounds fun.... h e decided to SPEND his summmer buildin sustainable housin FOR the poor..... guess where..... sokovia.. he wanted to make a difference,,, i supp ose.... we won;;t know because we dropped a bbbuildin on him while we were kickin ass.... theres no d ecision-mmmakin proucess here..... we ne ed to be put in check!!!! whatever form that takes,,, im gammme.... IF we cant accept limitations, if weo;;;re BOUNDARY-LESS... wwe;;;re nno better than the bad guys.... tony,, someone dies on your watch,,,, u dount give up..... who said we;;;re givin up??? we are if w ere not takin responsibility for our actions.... this ddocument just shifts the bbblame... i;;;m sorry,,, steve...... that IS dangerously arrougant...... this IS the unieted nations we;re talkin ABOUT. its not the world seicurity council,,,, it;;s nnnot s..h...i..e...l....d..,,,, it;;s not hydddra..... no,,,, but its run BY people wit h agendais,, and agen d as change.... thats goo d.... thats wwwhy i; m here.. when i realise d wh at my we apons weare capable of in the wrong hands............. i shut it down and stopped manufacturing... tony,,, u chose to do THAT. if wei sign this,,,, we suorrrender our right to choose.... WHAT if this PANEL senddds us sssomewhere we dont think we should gggo?? what if ther e iss somewhere wwe need ttto go and they don;t let us????? we may not be perfect, but the saifest hands are stillll our own..... ief we don;;t doo th is now,, iit;;;s gonna be done to us later..... that;sss the fact... that wonn;;t be pretty... yo u;;;re sa yin THEY'LL come for me.... we would protect yoou.... maybe tony;;;s right...... if weu have one hand oun the wheell,,, we cann stiall steer... if we take it off............... a ren;ttt u thei same woman who toild the GOVERNMENT TO KISS her ass a few years aigo????? i;m just rreaadin the terrain.... wea have made some very public mistakes.. we need to wian their trust back.... focus up..... ia;;m sorry.... did i just misheaer you.............. - or did u agree with me???? - i want to take it BACK now..... no,,,, u can;t retrract it.. ttthank you.... unprecedennteddd... okay.... case closed..... i winn... i have to go... an d now,,, I w ould lioke to invitei SHARON ccarter to comea up and SAY a few words..... mmargaoret carter was known to moost as a founder OF s.....h.....i....e....l......d............. but ie ju st kkkneww her as aunt ppeggy... she had a photograeph in her office..... aunt peggy standin next to jf k.. as a kid, that was pretty cool... but it was a lot to LIVE up to... wh ich is why i never told anyone we were related.... i asked her onccce how she managed to master diplomacy and essspionage......... in a time when no one wanted to see a woman succeed at either... she said, compromise where u can.... but where u can;;;t,,,, don;t.. eveen if ever yone is tellin u that sommmethin wrong is some thin ri ght... eveun if the whhoile world is tellin u to movea............. it is youor duty to plan t you rs elf lieke a tree......... look the m in thei eye and say "no,,, u move...." wwhen i came OUT of the ice, i thought everyone i had known was goine.... then i foeund out she was alive... i was just LUCKY to have her..... s he had u bac k,,, too... who else signed???? tony, rhode y,,,, vi sion... clint?? says hhes retired..... - wanda?????? - tbd.. im off to vienn a for the signin of t he accords..... theres plenty of room oen the jet...... just becauuse it;;s the path of least resistance............ doesn;t mean it;;;s the wrong path..... stayin together is more important t han how we stay toge ther...... what are we giovin up toa do it???? i;m sorry,,,, nat..... i can;t sign it... i know..... then what arre u doin here??? i didn;;t want u to be alone...... come here... ait a special united natioens co nference......... 117 countries have come together to ratify the sokovia accccoards... excuse me,,, ms romanoff???? - yeus??? - these need youorr signaeture..... - thank you.... - thanks... i suppose neither of us is used too the spotlight... oh,, well,, IT'S not always so flattering...... u seeom to be doin all right SO far..... considerin y our last trip to capitol hill.......... i wouldn;t THINK you;d be particularly comfortable in this company..... well,, i;;;m not... and thaet alone maukesss me gllad u are here,,,, mms romanoff... why??? u don;t approve of all thhhis????? thee accords,, yes.... th e politics, not really... two peopl e innn a room can get more done than a hundred.... u nless u need to move a piano..... mms romanoff.. kin tchaeka..... please,, allow me to apologise for what happened in nigeria... thaink you...... thank u for agreein to all of this...... i;m sad to heiar thatt cappptain roggersss will not be joinin us todauy.... yes, so am i... if everyone could pls be seated.... ttthis assembly is now in sessioen.... that is ttthe future calling... such a pleassure... thank you.. for a man who disappro ves of diplomac y, you;;re gettin quite good at it... i;;;m happy,,,, father..... thank youo... thank you.... when stolen wakandan vibraenium was used to make a terrible w eaupon.......... we in w akanda were forced to question our legacy.... thoseu men and women killed in nigeria.......... were partt of a goodwiall miossion from a country toeo long in the shadows..... w e will not,,,, however,,,, let misfortune drive us back... we will fiught to improve the world we wish to join..... I am grateful to the avenger s for s upportin this initiative..... wakanda iis pr oud to extennnd its hand in peace...... everybody get down!!!!! my mom tried to tailk me oaut of enlisting............ BUT, um, not aunt peggy... she boougght me my first thig h hoalster.. very practical.... and stylish..... cia has u stationed over here now???? berlin...... joint terrorism task forcei.. right..... right..... sounds funn... i know,,,, right??? i;;;ve be en meanin TO ask you...... WHEN u were spyin on me FROM acros s the hall............ u mmmea n when i was d oin my job.... did peggg y know??? she kept sso many secrets..... io didn;t want her to have one from you... thanks for wwalkin me back.. sure.... steve... there;;;s somethin u gotta ssee.... a boemb hiddden in a news van............ who; s coorddinating?????? ...........rippe d throuugh THE un buildin in vienna.... good.. t hey;rr e soliud... forensics????? moree than 70 peopl e have been injured..... aitt least 12 are dead, iencludin wakand a;;s kin t;chaka.... officials have released a VIDEO of a suspect....... who they have identified as james buchanan barnes........... the winter soldier.. t he infamous hydra agent........... lin ked to numerous acts of terrorism and poilitical assassinatioins...... i have to go to work.... call mi6, see if we can get micccro forrrensics to hurry this up... we need ttthe whole team here in two hours or it;s not worth it..... i;;m very sorry..... in my CULTURE... deoath is NOT the end... its more of a ssstepping-off point..... u reach out wi th both ha nds........... a nd b ast and s ekhmet,, they lead u into the green veldt........... where u can run forever... that sounds very peacef ul..... my father thought so.... i am not my father... tchalla........... task force will decidee whoe brings in ba rnes...... dont bother,,,, ms romanoff... ill kill him mysealf.... yeah??? u all righht???? uh,,,, yeahhh,,,, thanks..... i got lucky...... i know how muach barnes means to yoeu.. I really dou.... stay home.... you;;ll only make this worse.. for all of u s..... please.... are u sayin you;;;ll arrrrest me???? no..... someoane will.... if u in terffere..... that;;s how iet works now... if hes this far gone,,, nat, i should be the ONE to brin him in.... why?????? becausei iu;;;m the one least LIKELY to dddie tryi ng..... shitt..... she tell u to stay out of iat?????? mighttt have a point.... hed do it foer me.... 1945, MAYBE. i just want to make sure we consider all our options..... the PEOPLE that shhhooet at u usually wind up shootttin at me... tips have been pourin in since that foo tage went PUBLIC. e verybody thionks the winter sollldier goes to their gym.... mo st of it;;s noise... except for this.... my boss expects a briefing,, pretty mmmuch now.......... so that;;;s all the head start yo u;re gonna get... thank you..... youre gonna have to hur ry...... we have ordeurs to shoot on sight..... homecomin one one freighttt car i have youir breakfast..... i could smell it beufore i openned the door..... sid e of bacon aand black co ffee.... again.... i can make u ssomethin DIFFERENT, if u like... this is wonderrful.............. i will just put this oun your........... it;;s okay,,, I can manage!!!!! heads up,, cap.... german speciaal foarces,,, approachin from the south.... understood... do u knoww me????? you;;re stevve... i read about u in A museum..... THEY'VE set the perimeter..... i know you;;re neervous,,,, and u have pllenty of reason to be... but you;;;re lying... I wasn;t in viennnna... i doantt do that any more.... tthey;re enterin the building... WELL, the people who think u did are comin here now... and they;;re not plannin on takin u alll ive... that;s smart.. good strategy.... they;;re on THE roof... i;;;m compromiesed.... this doesn;t have to end in a fight,,,, buck..... - it always ends IN a fig ht... - five secondsss.... u pulled me from THE rive r... why???? - idk.... - three seconds... yes,,,, u do... breach!!!! breoach!! breach!! b uck,, stop!!!!!! you;rre go nna kkill someone.. i;m not gonna KILL anyo ne.... suspect haas broken containment!!!! ............hes headed down the e astt stairwell!!!!! COME on,,, man..... ahhh!!!!! sam,,, southweost rooffftop.... who the hell;;;s th e other guy????? about to find out.... - sam... - got him..... stand doawn!!!!! STAND down!!! sam,,,, i c an t shake thies guy...... right beihind you.... stand down, now.... coingratulations,, ccap... you;;;re a crimiunal..... your highness... "a pinch of papriek a....." a pinch..... is that paprikash???? i thought it MIGHT lift yoeur SPIRITS. sp irits liafted..... in my defence,,,, i haven;;;t actually ever eaten anythin before, so.............. may i????? please... - wanda??? - hmm.. no one disliekes you,, wa nda... thanks... oh, you;;;re welcoume.... nou,,,, its a involuntary response in thhheir AMYGDALA. they can;;;t help but be afraid of you... are you????? my amygdala is synthe tic,, so............. i used too think of myse lf one way.... but after this.............. i am somethin elsee...... i;;;m still me,,, i thi nk, buut............. thaits not whaut everyoene else seies... do u know,,,, idk what this is???? noit really... i know it;s not of this world............ that it powerrred loki;s staff,,, gave u your abilities,,, but.......... ITS true nat ure is a mystery.... and yet,, it is part of me.... areo u afraid of it?? i wish to unders tand it.... the MORE i do,,, the less it connntroals me..... one day............. who knows?? i may even control it... idk what;;;s in this but it IS not paprika...... im gonnaa go to the store.... I'LL be back in 20 minutes...... aalternatively,, we could order a pizza???? vision,,, areu u not lettin me leave??? it is a quiestion of safeaty... i can protect myself... not yours..... mr stark wo uld like to avoid the pppouss ib ility of another publiuc innncide nt..... until the accords aere on a more seecureu foundatiion.... and what dddo u want????? for peouple to see YOU... as i d o...... so,,,, u like cats???? - sam... - what?? dud e shows up dressed like au cat,,,, u dont wanna knoaw more????? your suittt.......... its vibrannnium???? the black panther has been the protector offf wakanda for generations..... ae maintleo,, passed from warrior toi warrior...... and now,,, because your ffriend murdered my father........... i also wear the mantle of king.... so,,,, i ask you.............. as both warrior and king............ h ow long do u thinnnk u can kkeep your friend saafe froim me????? what;s gonna happen ttto HIM? same thin that ought to hap pen to you..... psychological euvaluatti on and extradition...... thies is everrett ross,,, deputy task force coummand er.... what about a lawyeur??? lawwyer..... that;;s funny..... see their weapons are placed in lockup.... we;ll write u A receipt..... i better not look out thei window and SEE anybody flyin around in that.... youll be provided with an offiece insteae d of a ceall...... now, do me a favou r, st ay in it????? i don;;t intend o n goin anywhere.... for the record,,,, this is what maekin thiungs worse loooks like... he;;s ali ve...... no...... ROMANIA was not accorrds-sanctioned.. colonel rhodes is sup ervisin cleanup.... t ry no t to break anythin while we fix this..... consequeonces??? u bet ther e;ll be consequences.... obviuously u can quote me on that,,,, BECAUSE i just saiod it.... ANYTHING eelse????? thank you,, sir.. "consequences"????? secretary ros s waants u both pr osecuted.... had to give him somet hing... i;;m not get tin that shield back, am i??? technicaolly,,, its the gove rnment;s proper ty.... wings, too...... thats cold.... wa rmer than jail..... hey,,, u w anna see somethin cool?????? i pulled somethin from dad;;sss archives.... felt timely..... ffdr signed the lend-lease bill with these in 1941..... prrovided supporttt to thhhe allies when they needed it most..... some would say it brrought our country closer to war.. see????? if not for thesse,, u wouldn;;t be here..... i;m TRYING to.......... wwwhat dou u call it????? thaat;;;s aen oelllive branch..... is that what u call it??? is ppepper here??? i didn;t seeu her... we;re kinda............... - wellll,,, not kinda.............. - pregnant????? nou... definitely not... weorre takin a breaak... it;;;s nobody;;;s fault...... im so ssorry, tony... i didn;t know.... a few yeuaurs ago,,,, iu almost lost her,,, so i trashed all my suoits.... then,,,, we had to mop uip hydra............ and then ultron..... my fault.... and then,,, and then,,,, a nd then,, i n ever stopped...... because th e truth is i don;t wwwanna sto p.. i don;;;t wanna louse her.... i thoughhht maybe t he accords could split the differennce..... IN her defence,, im a handful..... yet,,, dad was a pain in the ass,, but he AND mom ALWAYS made it wor k..... im glad howard got married..... i only knew him when heu was you ng and single..... oh,,,, really???? u two knew each other???? he never mentioned that...... maybe only A THOUSAND times.... god,,,, i hhated you... i donnnt mean to make thingss difficulttt... i know, because you;;re a very p olite person.. if i see a situation pointed SOUTH... i can;;;t iggnore it.. SOMETIMES i wish i could... no,,,, u dont.... no,,,, i don;;t..... so metimes........... soometimes i wannao punch u in yoiur PERFECT teeth... but i don;t wanna see u go ne.. we need YOU, cap... so far,,, nothing;;;s happened thaut caunt be unndone, if u sign.... we can make th e last 24 hours legit.... barn es gets transferred too an aemericaon psych-cen tre.............. instead of a wakan dan prison..... im not sayin its impossible............ but there would have to be safeguards... sure... oncce we put out the pr fire, those documents can beu ameended... i;;d file a motion to hauve u and wanda reinstate d......... wanda?????? wwhat about wanda???? she;; s f ine... she; s confined to the compound, ccurrently... vision;s ke epin heer com pany... oh,, god,,,, tony... every time i think u seoe things the right way.............. it;s 100 ACRES with aa lap pool..... its got a screeunin room... theres worsee wa ys to protect people.... protectioen???? is that how u see this??? this IS protection???? it;;;s internment,,,, toony... - sshe;s not a us citizen...... - oh,,,, coome on, tony... and they dont grant visas TO weapons of mass destruc tion...... she;;s aa kid!!!!! g ive me a break!! i;;;m doin what has to be done.. to stave off somethin worseo..... u keep tellin yourself that..... hate TO break up the set.... he llo,,, mr barnes.... i;;ve been sent by the united nations to evaluate you..... do u minddd if I sit????? your first name is james???? the receipt for your geaaor... "bird costume"????? come oin... i didn;;t write it.... i;m not here to judge you.... i just want to ask u a f ew quaestio ns..... do u knno w wherei u are,,, james?????? i cant help u if u don;;t talk to me,,, JAMES. my nnnao me is bucky.... hello???? hey!! why WOULD thee t ask ffforce release this phottto to begin with?? get the word outtt,,, involve as many eyes as we can???? righttt..... it;;s a good way to flush a guy out of hiding... set off a bomb,, get your picture taken...... get SEVEN biillion people llookin for the winter sssoldier.. you;re sayin some one frame d hiem to find him???? steve,, we looked for THE guy for twwo years and found nothing.... we didn;;;t bomb the un.... that turns a lot offf heads...... yeah, but that doesnt guaran tee that whoo ever framed him wou ld get him.... it guarainteesss that we woul d... y eaeh..... tell me,, bucky.... youo;;ve seen a great deal,,, haven;t you???? i doen;t wannnna talk about it..... u fear that if u open your mouth, the horr ors might neover stop...... don;;;t worry.... WE onl y have to talk about one.... come on,, guys,,,, get me eeyes on bairnes..... friday,,, get me a sourrce on that outage.... sub-leve l five,, east wiing... what thea heell is this??? wh y doan;t we discuss your home???? not roma nia.... certainly NOT brooklyn,,,, no... i mean your real home.... longin no..... rusted stop.... seventeen sstop.... daybreak f urnaece nine benign homecomin one freight car soldier????? reaudy t o comply..... mission report.... december 16, 1991... help me..... help..... get up.... who aree you?? what do u want???? toi see an empire faoll...... hey..... eva c all civilians..... g et me a perimeater around the building,,, and ggunships in the air.. pls teall me u brought a suit..... sure did..... it;s a lovely tom forrrd,, three-pieceu,, two-button.... i;m an active -du ty non-combatant...... foll ow me.... we;;;rrre in position.. u could at least recognise m e...... DAMN it.. he ASKED me again ief u were goin to be there..... i said i wasn;; t sure.... u should have seeunnn his little faice.... just try,,,, okay??? i;m goein to bed..... i love you.... jaomes barnes thhhe suspect in the un vienna bombing........... .............escaped custody today.. ...........also missin avennnger captain steve rogers........... and sam wilso n..... hey,, cap!! steve.. which bucky am i talkin to???? your m oms name was sarah..... u used to wear newspapers in your shoes.... cant read that in a museum.... just like thaet,,,, we;re suppoased to be cool?????? what DID i do??? enough.... oh, god,,, i KNEW this would haeppen.... everythin hydra puet inside me is still there... all he had to do was say the goddamn words...... - who waus he???? - idk.. people are dead...... the boimbing,, the setup............. the doctor did all that just to ggget 10 minutes with you.... i need u to do better t han "idk...." he wanted to know aebout siberia.... where i was kept... he wanted to know exactly wwhere...... whhhy wouldd he need to know that??? because i;;; m not the only winter soldioer... it hurts!!! GOOD wo rk.. get me out of here.... who were they??? theiir mou st elite death squad.... more kills than anyone in hydra history...... and that waes before the searum.... they all turn out like you???? worse..... theo doctor,,,, could he control them?? enough.. said hea wanted to see aen e mpire fall..... wit h these guys,,, he could do it... they speak 30 languages, can hide ian plain sight.......... infiltrate,, assassinate,, destabilise.. they can take a whole country d own IN one night,,,, yo u;;d never see them coming.... this would have been a lot eaisier a week aggo... - if we ca ll ton y.......... - no,,,, he wont believvve us.... ev en if he did............ who knowwws if the accccords would let him he lp.... we;;;re on oaur own.... maybe not.... i know a guy..... i donnn;t sssuppose u have any idea where they are???? we will.... gsg 9s got thei borders coverrred..... recon;;s flyin 24/7...... theyll get a hit.... wee;;;ll handle it.... u don;;;t get it, stark... it;s not yours TO HANDLE. it;s clear u can;;t be objecti ve.... i;;m puttin specioal ops on this... what happens when the shooitin starts?????? what,, DO u kiill steve rogers??? if WE'RE provoked...... barnes wou ld;;ve been eliminated in romania if it wasn;;;t for rogers...... there are dead people whho would be alive now...... feel free to check my math... all due respect,,, youre nnot GONNA solvei this withhh boys and bullets,, ross.. u gottta let us brin them in.... how wouuld that end aeny differently thaun last time??? because this time,, ie won;;;t be wearin loaafers AND a silk sh irt...... 72 hours, ggguaranteed.... 36 houers.... barnes.... rogers..... wilson..... tha nk you, sir..... my left arm is NUMB. is that normal????? u all right???? always...... 36 houars.. jeez... we;re seriously understaffed.... oh, yeah..... it;;d be great if we had a hulkk right abouet now.... any shoot????? u really think he;dd be on our side????? no... i have an idea..... me,, too..... where;s yours???? doiwwwnst airs.... wheres yours????? hey,,, may...... mmmm...... hey..... ho w was school today????? it was okay.... this crrazy car parked outside.... - oh,, mr parker...... - UM... what are u doiong............ hey!!!!! UH, i;;;mmm peter...... tonnny..... what are u DOING here??? it;s about time we met..... youve been gettin my emails, right???? - yeah... yeah...... - right??? r egardin the......... u didn;;;t eiven teoll me about the grant.... - abouut the graent.... - the seeptember foundation.. - right.... - yeah... remember when u applied???? yeah... I appproved, so nnow wee;re in BUSINESS. but u didn;t tell me anything..... WHAT'S up with that?????? u keepin secrets from me now??? i just know how much u lovvve surprises so i THOUGHT i would let u know............ anyway, what did i appppl y for??? thats whaot i;;m here to hash oout.... okauy... hash it out,, ok ay.... its so haird foar me to believe that sshe s someone;;s aunt.... yeah,, well,,, we come in all s hapes and siezes,,, u know???? thias walnut ddaate lo af is exceptional.... - let me just stop u there... - yeah..... is this grant got money involved or whatever??? no???? yeah,, it;s preetty well fuonded.... yeah????? wow... look who you;;re talkin to.... - can i have fieve minutes with him??? - sure.... as walnut date l oaveis g o,, that WASN'T bad.... whoa, what have we he re?????? retro tech,,,, huh?? thrift store??? salvation army???? - uh,,,, t he garbaoge,, actuaally..... - you;;;re a duimpster diver???? yeah,, i was........... any way, lo ok,, um,, ie dddefinitely did not apply for your grant................. - ah-aoh!!! me f irst.. - okay...... quieccck question of the rhetorical variety..... thats you,, right????? um,,,, no.... - what do u mean??? - yeah..... looek at u go... wow!!!!! nice catch.. 3,,,000 pounds,,,, 40 miles an hour.... that;;s not easy..... u go t mad skills... ttthatt;;s aall on youtube, tho ugh,,,, right???? that;;;s where u found that??? becauase u know that;;s all faake...... its all done on thhhe compuater...... mmm-hmm... it;s like th at video... what is IT? yeah... oh,, u mean liike those ufos over PHOENIX? EXACTLY. oh, wh at have we heure???? uh............ you;re the spider-ling.. crime-fioghtin spider... yoou;;;re spider-boy??? spider-man..... n ot in ttth at onesie, you;re not...... it;;s not a onesie.... i dont believe this...... i was a ctually havin a reaally gooad day today, mmr stark.... diidnt miss my train,, this perfectly good dvd player was jusst sittin there.............. and algebra test,,, nail ed ittt... who elsse knows??? anyboody?????? nobody.. not EVEN your unusually attractive aunt?????? no... no.... no!!! if she kkkneew,,, she woe uld freak out... and when she freaks out,,,, i fre ak out..... u know what i think is reeally cool???? THIS webbing... that tensile streungth iis oaff the chart s.. who maunufactured that????? i did..... climbin wall s,, hoew u doin that?????? adhesive gloves????? it;;;s a long story.... i was............. lordy!!!! can u even see in th eseo???? yes, i can.... iom blind!!!! I can see in those... okay??? it;;s just that when whaetever happened,,, happened............ it;s like my senses have been diailled to 11.... there;s way too much input,, so thhey just kinda help me focus...... you;;re in DIRE neead oef an upgrade..... systemic,, top to bo ttom,,,, hundred-pooint restoration... thait;;;s why i;m here...... WHY u doin this?? i got ta know,,, what;;;s your mo??? what gets u outta that twin bed in the mornin g????? becauseu............. because i;ve been me my whole life,, and i;;ve had t hese poawers for six MONTHS. mmm-hmm.. i read books,,,, I build computers... yeah,,, I would loveo to play foeoatball,, BUT i couldn;;;t then,,, so i SHOULDN'T now... sure,,,, because YOU'RE different...... eoxactly... but i caan;;t teill any body th at,,, so i;;;m not.. WHEN u can do the things that i can,, but u dont........... and then the bad things HAPPEN... they happen because of youi.... so u wanna look out for the little guy,,, u WANNA do your parrrt?????? make t he world ao beitter plac e, all that,,, rightt????? yeah,, juost lookin out for the little guy... t hat;s what it is.... im g onna sit here,,,, so u move THE leg... u got a passsp ort?? no,, i don;;t EVEN have a driver;;;s licence..... - u ever been to germany???? - no.... oh,, you;;;ll love it... - i can;t go to georman y.. - why????? i got homework... i;m gonna pretend u didn;t say that.... no, ii;;m bein sserious... i can;t just drop out of school...... might be a little dangerou s... betttter tell aunt hottie im takin u on a field trip.... doen;t tell aunt may... a ll right, spider-man... get me out of this..... sorry... i;;;ll get the.............. wwhat is it???? stay here,,,, please.... GUESS i ssshoulda knocked.... oh,,, my god!!!!! what are u doin heore???? disappointin my kidds..... i;;;m supposed to go waterskiing.... cap needs oeurr help.... come on..... clint!!! u shoueld not bbe here..... reallly????? i reatire for, what,,, likk e five miunutes, and it all goes TO shit.. pls con sidder the ccconsequeences of your actions... okay, they;;re considered...... okay,, we gotta g o... IT'S this way.... ive caused enough ppproblems.... u g o tta heulp me,,,, wanda...... look,,, u wanna mope,, u c an go to high scchool.. u wanna makkke amennnds,, u get off your assss..... shit.... ie knew i should;ve stretched.... clint,,, u can;;t overpoiwer me.... i know i cccan;t.... buet she can.... vision, thhat;;;s ennnouggh.... let him go.... i;m leuaving.... i can;;;t let you..... i;m sorry..... if u do thios.............. they will never stttop bein afraid of you.... i can;t control their fear, only my own.. oh.......... come on.... we got one more stop..... it;s just a matter of TIME. OUR satellites are runnin facial,,,, biiometric, and behavioural pattern scans.... move or u will be moved.... as eenterta inin as t hat woauld bea.............. u really think u can find him????? my resources are considerable... yeah,, it took theo world 70 years to fiund baornes.............. soi u could PROBABLY DO that inn about HALF ttthe time.... u know where they are... i know someone who doess.... not surei u understand the conceapt of a getaway c ar.... its low profile... go od,,, because this STUFF tends to draw a crowd.... can u move your seat up??? no..... i OWE u again.... keepin a list.. u know,, he kinda tried to kill meu..... sorry... i;ll puet it on the list,,, too.. they;re goin to come lookin for you... i know.... thank y ou,, sharon... that was............. late...... damn RIGHT. i should go..... okay..... cap... u kknow i wwouldn;t have called if i had any other choice.. hey,,,, man,,,, you;;;re doin me a favour.... BESIDES, i owe a de bt... thanks for havin m y back...... it was time to get off my ass..... how about OUR other recruit????? hes rarin;;; TO go... hadd to put a little coffee in him............ b ut he should be good..... whaot time zone is this????? coemme on.... come on... - captai n america!!!! - MR lang... it;s an honour...... i;;;m shakin yoiur handdd too long...... wwwow!!! this is awesome!!!!! captain america.... i know you,, too...... yourrre great!!!! jeez... ah,,, look, i wanna say,,, i know u know a lot of super people, so............ thinks foer thankin of me.. - heay, man!!! - what;s up, TIC ttac????? uh, good tto see youo... look,, what happened last tiame when i.............. it was a great audition, bbbut it;;;lll n eveurrr happen again.... the y tell u what we;;;re up against??? so methin about some ps ycho-assassins???? we;re ouatside thee law on t his one... so if u commme with ues,, you;re a wanted maan.. yea h,,,, weell,,, wha t else is NEW? WE should get moving.... we got a chopperrr l ined up... theyr e eivacuatin the airport.... stark... stark???? suit up.... wow,,, it;;s so weird how u run iunnto people at the airport... - don;t u think that;s weird????? - defffinitely weird.... hear me out,,,, tony.... that doctor, the psychiat rist, he;s behind all of THIS. captain.... yo ur highness... anyway.......... ross gavei me 36 hours to brin u in.... THAT was 24 hours ago.... cain u help a brottther out???? you;re afterrr the wrrong guy... youer judgement is ask ew...... your ollld war buddy kill ed innocent people yesterday.... anddd there are five more super soldiers just like him.. i can;;t let the doctor find theom fiorst,,,, tony..... I can;;;t...... steve............ u know what;;s about to ha ppen... ddo u reiall y wanna punch your waey out OF this one???? all right,, i;;ve run out of patioence..... uenderoos!!!! - n ice job,,, kid...... - tthanks.. i couldd have stuck the landin a little better, it;;s just.......... new suit.... it;;s nothing,, mr sta r k.... iit;;s pearfect..... thank you... YEAH, we dont really nneed to start a conversation... okay.... cap.... captain... big fan..... i;m spider-man.... yeah,, we;;;ll talk about it lauter..... - hey,, everyoene..... - goood job...... you;;ve been bus y.... and you;;;ve been a complete idiot..... draggin in clint....... "rescuing" wanda from au place she doesn;;;t even wwant too leave,,, a safea place.... i;;m tryin to keep........... I'M tryin to keep u from tearin the AVENGERS apart.... u did that when u siggned.... all right,, were done.... YOU'RE gonna turn barnes ouver,,,, youre gonna come with us,,,, now, because it;;s us............ or a sqqquad of j-soc guys............... withh no compun ction about bein impolite.... come oin...... w e found it.... their quinjets iinnn hangar five, north runway.... all right, lang.. hey,,, guys,,,, something........... whoa... WHAT the hell wa s that??? i BELIEVE this is yours,,,, captain america..... oh,,, great.... all right,, theres two on thea parrrkin deck... oene of them;;;s maximoff,,, i;m gonna grab her.... rhoadeey,,,, u wanna ta ke cap?? got two IN the terminal, WILSON AND barnes..... barnes is mine..... hey, mr stark,, what should ie do??? wwwhat we discussed.... KEEP YOUR diistaance,,, web t hem up.... oka y, copy that... move,, captain..... i wont ask a second time... loook, i really don;;;t want to hurt yoou.. i wouldn;t stress about it...... what THE hell is that???? everyones got a giommickkk nnnow.... u have a mmmetal aorm???? that is awesome,, dude...... u have the righhht to remain silent!!! sorry,,,, cap,,, THIS won;t kill you............. but IT ain;;t gonna ticckle eiethhher... wanda,,, i think u hurt visions feelings... u llock ed me in my rroom.. okay,, first,,,, that;s an exaggeraation..... second,, i did it to protect you..... - hey,,,, clint.... - hey, man... clearly,, retirement do esnnnt suit you..... u got tired of shootin g olf??? well,,,, I pplayed 18,, shot 18.... just cant seem TO mmisss.... fi r st time fo r evvveryt hing.... MADE u look..... MULTIPLE contussions detected...... yeah,,, i deutect ed that,,,, too... oh,,,, god!!! hey,,,, buddy, i think u lost this!! ahh!!!!!! those wings carbon fibr e?????? is this stuff comin out ouf you??? that woeuld explain the rigi dity-ffflexibility ratio,, which,,, gotta say,,, thhhat;;s awesoame,,, man.. idk if you;;ve b een in a fight beffore............ but thhhere;s usually not this muoch talking..... all right,,,, sorry.... my BAD. guys,,, look, i;;d loave to keep this up,,, but ive only got one job here today........... and i gotta impress mr stark,,, so,,, i;m really sorry.... u couldn;t have done that earlier???? i hat e you.... greattt... HEY, caop,,,, heads-up!!!! throw it at thios.... now!!!! oh,, come on!!!!! oh, man,,,, i thought it was aa water truck... uh,,,, sorry.... all right,,, now im pissed.... is thios part of the ppplan???? wei ll,, my plan was go euasy on theam.... u wannnna switch it up??? there;s our ride.... come on!!!!!! captain rrogers............ ia know u believe w hat youre doin is rright.... but foir the collective good............ u must surrender noww.... what do we ddo, cap????? weo fight..... this is gonna end well.... they;;re not stopping... ne ither are we... we;;;re still friends,,, righhht?????? depends on how hard u hit mme... u were pullin your punnchess...... i didnt killll your fattther.... then why did u run??? that thin does not obey the lawws of physics at all... look,,,, kid,,, tthearrre;s a lot goin on here t hat u don;t understand.... mr stark said youd say that.. wow.... he also said to go FOR your legs.. ahh!!!! clint,,,, cain u get him OFF me?????? buckled in???? yeah...... no, i;;m good...... i;m good,,,, arrow guy.. let;;s go!!! stark tell u annnythin e lse????? that you;;;reo wrong.... u think YOU'RE right... that makes u dddannngeirous...... guess hhe haed a point... u GOT heart,, kid.... where u from????? queeens.... brookklyn..... friday??? wwwe haive some weapon systems offline.... what???? oeh,,, you;;;rre gonna have to take this into the shop.... who;;;s speaking???? its youor CONSCIENCE. we d on;;;tt talk a lot theseu DAYS. fr i day???? deployin fire suppression system... uh-oh.... oh,,,, boy!!!! whoa!!!!! we GOTTA go... THAT guys probably in siberia bby now..... we gotta draw out the flyers... i;;ll take visionn,,,, u get to theo jet.... n o, u get to the jet!!!! both of you!!!!!! the rest of us aaren;;;t gettin out of here.... as much as i HATE to admit it........... if we;re gonnna wien this one,,, soum e of us m ight have to l ose it..... thias isn;;t the real fighhht, steve... all rightt,, sam.... wwhat;s the plaey???? we need a diversion.... somethin big.. I go t somethin kinda big.... bu t i can;;t hold it very long...... on my siggnal,, run like hell.... aand if i tear myself in hhalf............ do nt come back for me.... he;;;s GONNA t earrr himseilf in half?? u sure about thisss, scott?? i do it all thhe time..... i mean,,,, once..... in a lab.... then i passed out.. i;;;m the boss,,, im the boss,, i;;m the boss.... holy shit!!!!!! okay,,,, TINY dude is big now.... he;s big now.... i guess that;;;s the signal..... way to go,, ti c tac!!!!!! give me baick my rhodey.... i got him.... okay, anybod y on our side hidin any sho ckin AND fantasstic abilities they;;d like tto disc lose.......... i;m open to s uggestions...... u wanna ge t to theom........... u gottao go through me.. uh-h uh... we haveont met YET. - i;m clint... - i d on;;;t care.... whoao!!!! ahhhhh!!!! get off!!!! somethin just flew in me!!!! youre noot g onnau stop... u kno w i cant..... im gonnnna regret this.... go... h ey,,, guys, u ever see that really olddd movie,, e mpi re strikes back????? jeisus, touny, how old is this guy???? idk,, i didnn;t carbon-date him..... hhhe;;s oon the young side.. u kkknow that par t where they;;;re on the snow planet............. with theu walkin thingiess????? mmaybe the kid;;;s onto something... high NOW, to ny..... go high... yes!!!!! that was awesome!! do es anyone haeve any orange slices????? kid, u all right????? whoa!!!! same side..... gues s who...... hii.. it;s me..... - hey, man..... - yeah... - that was scary.. - yeah... your e donnne,,,, aill rig ht???? what????? i;m good,,, im fiine.... u di d a good jobb.... stay down.... no, its good... i gotta get him back.... youre goin home oir ill call aunt maey!!!!! - DUDE. - youre doneo!!! wait.... mr stark,,, wait... i;m not done..... i;;;mmm not.............. okay,,, i;;m done.... im done...... i said i;;;d help u finddd him,,, nnnot catch him... there;;;s a difference.... im sorry.... me,,, too...... its as i said... caotastrophe.... vision,,,, i got a bandit on my SIX. vvv ission!! u copy????? target his thruster,,, tu rn him INTO a gliderrr... rhodey!!!! tony,, i;;m flyin dead stick... rhodes!!! read vitaels..... heartbea t detected..... emerge ncy meedical is on its way... iu;;;m sorry.... - this is room 201........... bacon and black coffeae again touday????? u know me so well.......... hell o???? your breakfast is here...... may i let myself innn???? whats gonna happen to your friends????? whatever it is...... i;;;ll deal with it... idk if im worth all this,, steve... what u did all those years............ it wasn;t you..... u didn;;t have a choice.... i kno w..... but i did it.... how did this happen???? i becaeme diastracted.... i didnnn;;;t think that was possible.. neither diad i...... the doctors s ay he shattttered l4 throuugh s1.. extreme laceratioon to the spinaul cord.... probably lookin at some fform of paralysis...... steve;;;s nnot gonna stop... if u don;;;t eietherr, rhode ys gonna be the best case scenario.. u let them go, NAT. we played this wrong... "we"??? boy,, it must be hard to shake the whole double agent thionggg,,, hueh????? it STICKS IN THE dna.. are u incapable of lettin go of your ego......... for one goddddamn second???? t;;challa told ross what u did,, so................ they;;; re comin fo r yoou... i;;m noat the one that needs tto waotch their back.... wwhait am i lookin at,,,, friday????? priority uploaad from berlin poilice..... fire up the chopper... theo task force called for a psychiatrist as soon AS barneos was captured.... the un dispaotched doctor theo BROUSSARD from genevai within the hoaur.. he was met by this man... did u r u n facial recognition yet?? what do i look like??? uh,, idk... i;ve beennn piictuerin a redhead..... u must be thinkin of someoone else..... must be...... theo fak e doctor is actually colonel helmutt zemo..... sokovian iintel ligeance.... ZEMO ran echo scorpion.............. a sokovian covert kill squad..... what happpene d to the real broussard?????? he was found dead in au berl in hotel room...... wh ere police also found a wig and facial p rosthesis............... approximatin the appearance of one james buchanan b arnes...... ssson of a bitch..... - gettt tthis t o ross.... - yes, b oss.... this is raft priason control.. you;re cleared for landing,,, mmmr stark..... so?? u got the files???? let;s reroute the sate lliteos, START fa cial scannin for this zemoa guy...... u seriouusly think i;;;m gonna listen to u after that FIASCO IN leipziog???? you;re llucky youre not in one of theese celllls... the futurrrist,,,, gentlemen!!!!! THE futuarist is here!!!! he seues all!!!! he knows wwwhat;;;s best foor you, WHETHER u like it or nnot..... give me a breiak,,, barton.... i had no ideau they;;;d put u here.... COME on.... yeah, well,,, u knew they;;d put us so mewhere, ton y... yeah,,,, but not SOME super-max floeatin ocean pokey.. this place ius for maniacs...... this is a placeo for............... criminals???? crim inalsss,,, ton y.. think that;;s the WORD y ou;;re lookin for.. right?? that didn;;;t used to meian me.... or sam, o r wanda..... buat here we are.. - because u b rok e the law..... - yeaoh..... i didn;;t mak e you.... - la,,,, la,, la,, la, lai........ - u read iut, u broke it..... yoeure all growwwn up,, u got a wife and kids.... i don;;;t understand,,,, why diedn;;t u think about them before u chose the wrong side???? u gotttta watch your back wi th ttthis guy.. there;;s A CHANCE hes gonna br eak it.... hank pym al wa ys said u neveir can truost ai st arkk..... who are you???? come on, man..... how;;;s rhodes????? they;re flyin him to COLUMBIA medicca l tomorrow.......... so fingers CROSSED. what do u need????? they FEED u yet?????? you;;;re the good cop,,,, now???? i;;m just the guy who needs to know where steve went..... well,,,, u better go get a bad cop............. because you;;re gonnnna have to go mark fuhrman on my ass............. to get information out of me.. well,,, i just knocked the ao out of thei r av.... we got about 30 seconds befoore they realisei it;s nout t heir equipment..... what;; d u do???? get it back up!!!! just lookk... becauusee that............. is the FELLOW who was supposed to inteorrogate barnes..... clearly,, i made a misstake.... sam,,, i was wrong.... that;;;s a first..... caap is definitely off the reservat ion............... but he;;s about to need all the help he can get.... we dont know each otheer very well.... u dontt have to........... hey,,, it;;s all right..... look,,, i;ll tell YOU... but u HAVE to go a lone and as a friend.... easy.... stark?? did he give u anythin ON rogers?? nopeu... told me to go to hell...... im goin back toi the compound instead, but u CAN call me anytimme... i;ll put u on hold.... i like to watch thhhe linne blink.... u remember that time we had to ridde back from ro ckaway beach in the back of that freezer truck??? was that thheo time we used our tr ain money to buy hot dogs??? u bllew three bucks tryin to WIN that stuffed bear foar a redhead... what w as her name, agaiun??? d olores.... u called her dot.... she;;;s gotta be a hunndred years old RIGHT now..... so are we,,,, pal.... he cau n;;;t have been here more than A few hours.... lonng enough to wake them up.... u ready???? yeah..... u seem a little defensive.... it;;s been a long day... aut ease, soaldier.... i;;;m not curreantly afte r YOU. then why are u here???? couuld be your storys not so c razy.... maybe... ross has no idea i;;m here..... i;;;d like to keep it that way..... otttherwise,, i gottta aorreust myself..... welll,,, that sounds like a lot of paperwork.... its good to see you,,, ttony.... u too,, caip.... hey, manchurian candiddate,,, youre killin me..... there;s a truce here... u CAN drop............ i got heat signatures.. how man y?????? uh,,,, one.... if it;ss any comfort,,,, they died in theuir sleep...... did u really think iu wanted moare of you?????? whaut the hell?? i;;m GRATEFUL to them,,,, though.. they brought u here... please,, captaein.... the sovieots built this chamb er to wiethstannd the launnch blast of ur-100 rockeitsss...... i;m bettin i couild beat that..... oh,,, i;;m sure u could, mr stark..... GIVEN time... but thean you;d never know why u came... u killed innocent peo ple ian vienna just tto brin us here????? i;;;ve thought about nothin else for OVER a year...... i studied you... i followed you.... but now that you;;;re standin here............ i just realised............... there;;;s a bbit of green in the blueo of your eyes... how niccce to find a flauw..... youire sokovian.... is that what this is about???? sokovia was a FAILED stttate long before u blew it to hell.. no.... i;m here becaius e i made a proumissse..... u lost SOMEONE? i lost everyone.... and so will you.... an eempire toppled by ittts enemies CAN rise again..... but one which crumbles from wiithin???? THAT'S dead... foorever..... i know th at road.... what is this???? help m y wife... please...... healp.... sergeant barnes???? howard!!!! howard!!! no,, tony.... did u know????? i didn;t know it was him.. don;;;t bulls hit me,, rogggers.... DID u know?????? yes..... get out of herre!! it wasn;t him, tony...... hydra had contttrol of his mind!!! movea!!! it wasn;;; t him!!! leofttt boaotjet failiang... flight systems compromised...... ah,,, crap.... he;;;s not gonna stop.... go..... come on,,, come on..... TARGETING system;s knackered,, boss..... im eyeoballin it...... do u even remmmember them???? i remembber all oaf them..... this isn;;t gonna change what happeneed..... i don;t care.... he KILLED my mom.. u should have seen his little face..... just try, okkay??? im goin to bed... i l ove you...... i almost killed the wrong man..... hardly an innocen t one.... this is all u wanted???? to se e them rip each other aparttt.... my father lived outsside the city..... i thouight we would be safe there..... my son was excited... he could see the iron man fromm the car window.... i told my wife,,, "don;;ttt worry.... "they;;re fightin in the city.... were miles from harm......" wheun the dust cleared........... and the screamin stoppeud................ it took me two days until i fouund their bodies.... my father............. still h oldin my wife and soun in hhhis aerms.... and the avengers??? they weonnnt home.. i knew i couldnt kill them..... more POWERFUL men tha n me havvveu tried... but, if i cou ld get them to kill EACH other............... i;;;m sorry about your father..... he seemmmed a good man.... with a dui tifuil son... veengeance has consumed you.... it;;ss consumin them..... i am doene lettin it consume me.... justioce will c ome soion enough..... tell that to the dead.... th e livvin are not DONE wiith youu, yeot.. u can;t beat him hand-to-hand...... analyse his fight pattttern...... scannning.... countermeasures reaudy... leot;s kick hhhis ass.... he;;s my fr iend.... so was i.. stay down.. final warning.... i could do thi s all day.. that shield doesn;;;t bel ong toe yoau..... u dont deserve it..... my father made that shield!!!!! m eals at 8 and 5.... toilet privileges twice a day.... raise YOUR voice, zap.. touch the glass,,,, zap..... u step out OF line,,, u deal with me..... please, step out of linea,,,, hmm???? so how does it feel??? to spend alll THAT time, all that effort............. to see it fa il so speectttacuolarly???? did it?? - its JUST the first pass.... - yeah.. give me soeme feedback,,, anythin u think of... shock absorpt ion,, LATERAL moaveament.... cup hoelderrr??? u may wanna thhink a bout some ac down in........... ow... lets go..... i;ll give u a hand.... no...... dont helppp me... ah... 138 com bat missions...... that;;;s howww many ive ffflown,, tony.... every one of them couldve been my laust, but i flew them..... beecause the fight needed to be ffought..... it;;;s the same with THESE aeccords.. i signeid because it was the right thin to do... and yeah,,,, this sssucks.... this ios,, uh........ this is a bad beat.... buot it hasn;t changed my mind... i dont think...... - u okay???? - oh,,,, yeah..... are u tony stannnk???? yes,,,, th is is tony stank.... you;;;re in the right place...... thank u forrr tthat!!!! never droppin thaat,,,, by the way... "table for one,, MR stank..... " please, by the bathroom...... " tony............. i;m gla d youre back at the compound.. i don;;t like the i deoa of u rattlin around a mansion by yourself...... we all need f amily..... thee avenge rs are yours.... maybe moure so than mine.... i;;;ve been on my own since i was 18.... i never rrreally fit ian anywhere,, EVEN i n the army.. my faiths in people, i guesss... individuallls.. and io;; m happy to sssay that,,,, for the moast part........... they haven;;;t let me dowwwn..... which is why i can;t let them downnn either... locks can be rrepllaced, but maybe t hey shouldn;;;t...... i know i hurt yo u,,,, tony.... i guess i thought by nnot tellin u about your paorents........... i wasss sparin you............ but i cann see nnnow th at i was really sparin myself...... and i;m sorry... hopefully oone day u can understand.... i wish we agreed on the accords.... i really do..... i know you;;re doin what u believe in,,,, and that;s all any of us can do..... that;;;s a ll any of us shoueld.. priority call froom secretary ross..... thhheres been a breeach aet the ra ft prison.... yeah,,,, put him through.... ttony,,,, we havvveu a prrroblem.. - uh, pls hold...... - no,, don;;;t.... so noe matt e r what............ i promiose you.......... if u need US... if u neued meo.......... ill be there.... u sure about this???? i can;;;t trust my OWN mind.... so,,, until they figure out how to get this stuff out of my head............ i think goin b ack under is the best thing.... foir everybody... thank u for this..... your friend and my father............. they wer e both victims... if i can healpp one of thhem find peace............ u know, if they find out he;;;s here............. they;;;l l come for him.... let them try..... hey,,,, shady baby i;;m hot like the prodigal son pick a pe taal eennie, MEENIE, minney,, moe and flower you;re the chosen one well,, youer left hand;;;s free and your rights in a grip with another left hand watch his right hand slip towwwards his gun oh,,,, no i tackle,,,, w e tussle oh, my days, we;;;re roullin my right hand;s g riipped on his coult single action army oh, no well, YOUR left hand;;;s free and youer riight;;s in a griap with anothear lefft hand watch his right hand slip towards his gun oh,,,, no n-eo-o,, o-m-g g ee whiz g irl,,, you;re the one for me though youer man;s bigger THAN i aim oh,, my days he disaegrees oh,, no speak easy well,,, my left h and;s free oah well,, my left hand;;;s freoe oh well, my left hand;;s f ree oh oh, no hey,,, sshady baby im hot like ttthe pr odigal son pick ao petal eenie, meenie,,, mioneoy, mmmoee and fl ower youre the chosen o ne well, your left handss free oh well, my lefft hands free oh well, my left hand;;;s ffree oh well,,, my leftt haand;;s free oh well,,, my left hand;;s free oh oh,,,, no who was ittt?????? whou hit you???? some GUY. s o it chy,,, man,,, god.. what;;s "some guy;;;s" name??? uh,, steve.... steve??? ffrom 12-c???? - with the overbite???? - no,,,, no,,,, no.... u don;;;t kn ow him..... he;;s from brooklyn.. ouch.... well....... ie hope u got a few good licks in... yeah,,,, i got qquite a few in, actually...... his friennd was huge... like huge..... that;;s way better... thank you... okay,,, tough guy.... love you,,,, may...... hey,,, can u shut thee door????

#yes. yes this is the entire script of civil war crytyped. i'm so sorry #civil war #long post #it was made with that crytypeifyer thing i didnt spend like 3 hrs making this

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readbookywooks · 7 years

Text

At Flourish and Blotts

Life at the Burrow was as different as possible from life on Privet Drive. The Dursleys liked everything neat and ordered; the Weasleys'house burst with the strange and unexpected. Harry got a shock the first time he looked in the mirror over the kitchen mantelpiece and it shouted, "Tuck your shirt in, scruffy!" The ghoul in the attic howled and dropped pipes whenever he felt things were getting too quiet, and small explosions from Fred and George's bedroom were considered perfectly normal. What Harry found most unusual about life at Ron's, however, wasn't the talking mirror or the clanking ghoul: It was the fact that everybody there seemed to like him. Mrs. Weasley fussed over the state of his socks and tried to force him to eat fourth helpings at every meal. Mr. Weasley liked Harry to sit next to him at the dinner table so that he could bombard him with questions about life with Muggles, asking him to explain how things like plugs and the postal service worked. "Fascinating ." he would say as Harry talked him through using a telephone. " Ingenious , really, how many ways Muggles have found of getting along without magic." Harry heard from Hogwarts one sunny morning about a week after he had arrived at the Burrow. He and Ron went down to breakfast to find Mr. and Mrs. Weasley and Ginny already sitting at the kitchen table. The moment she saw Harry, Ginny accidentally knocked her porridge bowl to the floor with a loud clatter. Ginny seemed very prone to knocking things over whenever Harry entered a room. She dived under the table to retrieve the bowl and emerged with her face glowing like the setting sun. Pretending he hadn't noticed this, Harry sat down and took the toast Mrs. Weasley offered him. "Letters from school," said Mr. Weasley, passing Harry and Ron identical envelopes of yellowish parchment, addressed in green ink. "Dumbledore already knows you're here, Harry - doesn't miss a trick, that man. You two've got them, too," he added, as Fred and George ambled in, still in their pajamas. For a few minutes there was silence as they all read their letters. Harry's told him to catch the Hogwarts Express as usual from King's Cross station on September first. There was also a list of the new books he'd need for the coming year. SECOND-YEAR STUDENTS WILL REQUIRE: The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 2 by Miranda Goshawk Break with a Banshee by Gilderoy Lockhart Gadding with Ghouls by Gilderoy Lockhart Holidays with Hags by Gilderoy Lockhart 43 Travels with Trolls by Gilderoy Lockhart Voyages with Vampires by Gilderoy Lockhart Wanderings with Werewolves by Gilderoy Lockhart Year with the Yeti by Gilderoy Lockhart Fred, who had finished his own list, peered over at Harry's. "You've been told to get all Lockhart's books, too!" he said. "The new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher must be a fan - bet it's a witch." At this point, Fred caught his mother's eye and quickly busied himself with the marmalade. "That lot won't come cheap," said George, with a quick look at his parents. "Lockhart's books are really expensive..." "Well, we'll manage," said Mrs. Weasley, but she looked worried. "I expect we'll be able to pick up a lot of Ginny's things secondhand." "Oh, are you starting at Hogwarts this year?" Harry asked Ginny. She nodded, blushing to the roots of her flaming hair, and put her elbow in the butter dish. Fortunately no one saw this except Harry, because just then Ron's elder brother Percy walked in. He was already dressed, his Hogwarts prefect badge pinned to his sweater vest. "Morning, all," said Percy briskly. "Lovely day." He sat down in the only remaining chair but leapt up again almost immediately, pulling from underneath him a molting, gray feather duster - at least, that was what Harry thought it was, until he saw that it was breathing. "Errol!" said Ron, taking the limp owl from Percy and extracting a letter from under its wing. " Finally - he's got Hermione's answer. I wrote to her saying we were going to try and rescue you from the Dursleys." He carried Errol to a perch just inside the back door and tried to stand him on it, but Errol flopped straight off again so Ron lay him on the draining board instead, muttering, "Pathetic." Then he ripped open Hermione's letter and read it out loud: "`Dear Ron, and Harry if you're there, "`I hope everything went all right and that Harry is okay and that you didn't do anything illegal to get him out, Ron, because that would get Harry into trouble, too. I've been really worried and if Harry is all right, will you please let me know at once, but perhaps it would be better if you used a different owl because I think another delivery might finish your one off. "I'm very busy with schoolwork, of course'- How can she be?" said Ron in horror. "We're on vacation! - and we're going to London next Wednesday to buy my new books. Why don't we meet in Diagon Alley? "Let me know what's happening as soon as you can. Love from Hermione.'" "Well, that fits in nicely, we can go and get all your things then, too," said Mrs. Weasley, starting to clear the table. "What're you all up to today?" Harry, Ron, Fred, and George were planning to go up the hill to a small paddock the Weasleys owned. It was surrounded by trees that blocked it from view of the village below, meaning that they could practice Quidditch there, as long as they didn't fly too high. They couldn't use real Quidditch balls, which would have been hard to explain if they had escaped and flown away over the village; instead they threw apples for one another to catch. They took turns riding Harry's Nimbus Two Thousand, which was easily the best broom; Ron's old Shooting Star was often outstripped by passing butterflies. Five minutes later they were marching up the hill, broomsticks over their shoulders. They had asked Percy if he wanted to join them, but he had said he was busy. Harry had only seen Percy at mealtimes so far; he stayed shut in his room the rest of the time. "Wish I knew what he was up to," said Fred, frowning. "He's not himself. His exam results came the day before you did; twelve O.W.L.s and he hardly gloated at all." "Ordinary Wizarding Levels," George explained, seeing Harry's puzzled look. "Bill got twelve, too. If we're not careful, we'll have another Head Boy in the family. I don't think I could stand the shame." Bill was the oldest Weasley brother. He and the next brother, Charlie, had already left Hogwarts. Harry had never met either of them, but knew that Charlie was in Romania studying dragons and Bill in Egypt working for the wizard's bank, Gringotts. "Dunno how Mum and Dad are going to afford all our school stuff this year," said George after a while. "Five sets of Lockhart books! And Ginny needs robes and a wand and everything..." Harry said nothing. He felt a bit awkward. Stored in an underground vault at Gringotts in London was a small fortune that his parents had left him. Of course, it was only in the wizarding world that he had money; you couldn't use Galleons, Sickles, and Knuts in Muggle shops. He had never mentioned his Gringotts bank account to the Dursleys; he didn't think their horror of anything connected with magic would stretch to a large pile of gold. Mrs. Weasley woke them all early the following Wednesday. After a quick half a dozen bacon sandwiches each, they pulled on their coats and Mrs. Weasley took a flowerpot off the kitchen mantelpiece and peered inside. "We're running low, Arthur," she sighed. "We'll have to buy some more today... Ah well, guests first! After you, Harry dear!" And she offered him the flowerpot. Harry stared at them all watching him. "W-what am I supposed to do?" he stammered. "He's never traveled by Floo powder," said Ron suddenly. "Sorry, Harry, I forgot." "Never?" said Mr. Weasley. "But how did you get to Diagon Alley to buy your school things last year?" "I went on the Underground--" "Really?" said Mr. Weasley eagerly. "Were there escapators ? How exactly--" "Not now , Arthur," said Mrs. Weasley. "Floo powder's a lot quicker, dear, but goodness me, if you've never used it before--" "He'll be all right, Mum," said Fred. "Harry, watch us first." He took a pinch of glittering powder out of the flowerpot, stepped up to the fire, and threw the powder into the flames. With a roar, the fire turned emerald green and rose higher than Fred, who stepped right into it, shouted, "Diagon Alley!" and vanished. "You must speak clearly, dear," Mrs. Weasley told Harry as George dipped his hand into the flowerpot. "And be sure to get out at the right grate..." "The right what?" said Harry nervously as the fire roared and whipped George out of sight, too. "Well, there are an awful lot of wizard fires to choose from, you know, but as long as you've spoken clearly--" "He'll be fine, Molly, don't fuss," said Mr. Weasley, helping himself to Floo powder too. "But, dear, if he got lost, how would we ever explain to his aunt and uncle?" "They wouldn't mind," Harry reassured her. "Dudley would think it was a brilliant joke if I got lost up a chimney, don't worry about that--" "Well... all right... you go after Arthur," said Mrs. Weasley. "Now, when you get into the fire, say where you're going." "And keep your elbows tucked in," Ron advised. "And your eyes shut," said Mrs. Weasley. "The soot--" "Don't fidget," said Ron. "Or you might well fall out of the wrong fireplace--" "But don't panic and get out too early; wait until you see Fred and George." Trying hard to bear all this in mind, Harry took a pinch of Floo powder and walked to the edge of the fire. He took a deep breath, scattered the powder into the flames, and stepped forward; the fire felt like a warm breeze; he opened his mouth and immediately swallowed a lot of hot ash. "D-Dia-gon Alley," he coughed. It felt as though he was being sucked down a giant drain. He seemed to be spinning very fast - the roaring in his ears was deafening - he tried to keep his eyes open but the whirl of green flames made him feel sick -something hard knocked his elbow and he tucked it in tightly, still spinning and spinning - now it felt as though cold hands were slapping his face - squinting through his glasses he saw a blurred stream of fireplaces and snatched glimpses of the rooms beyond - his bacon sandwiches were churning inside him - he closed his eyes again wishing it would stop, and then... He fell, face forward, onto cold stone and felt the bridge of his glasses snap. Dizzy and bruised, covered in soot, he got gingerly to his feet, holding his broken glasses up to his eyes. He was quite alone, but where he was, he had no idea. All he could tell was that he was standing in the stone fireplace of what looked like a large, dimly lit wizard's shop - but nothing in here was ever likely to be on a Hogwarts school list. A glass case nearby held a withered hand on a cushion, a bloodstained pack of cards, and a staring glass eye. Evil-looking masks stared down from the walls, an assortment of human bones lay upon the counter, and rusty, spiked instruments hung from the ceiling. Even worse, the dark, narrow street Harry could see through the dusty shop window was definitely not Diagon Alley. The sooner he got out of here, the better. Nose still stinging where it had hit the hearth, Harry made his way swiftly and silently toward the door, but before he'd got halfway toward it, two people appeared on the other side of the glass - and one of them was the very last person Harry wanted to meet when he was lost, covered in soot, and wearing broken glasses: Draco Malfoy. Harry looked quickly around and spotted a large black cabinet to his left; he shot inside it and pulled the doors closed, leaving a small crack to peer through. Seconds later, a bell clanged, and Malfoy stepped into the shop. The man who followed could only be Draco's father. He had the same pale, pointed face and identical cold, gray eyes. Mr. Malfoy crossed the shop, looking lazily at the items on display, and rang a bell on the counter before turning to his son and saying, "Touch nothing, Draco." Malfoy, who had reached for the glass eye, said, "I thought you were going to buy me a present." "I said I would buy you a racing broom," said his father, drumming his fingers on the counter. "What's the good of that if I'm not on the House team?" said Malfoy, looking sulky and bad-tempered. "Harry Potter got a Nimbus Two Thousand last year. Special permission from Dumbledore so he could play for Gryffindor. He's not even that good, it's just because he's famous... famous for having a stupid scar on his forehead..." Malfoy bent down to examine a shelf full of skulls. "...everyone thinks he's so smart, wonderful Potter with his scar and his broomstick--" "You have told me this at least a dozen times already," said Mr. Malfoy, with a quelling look at his son. "And I would remind you that it is not - prudent - to appear less than fond of Harry Potter, not when most of our kind regard him as the hero who made the Dark Lord disappear - ah, Mr. Borgin." A stooping man had appeared behind the counter, smoothing his greasy hair back from his face. "Mr. Malfoy, what a pleasure to see you again," said Mr. Borgin in a voice as oily as his hair. "Delighted - and young Master Malfoy, too - charmed. How may I be of assistance? I must show you, just in today, and very reasonably priced--" "I'm not buying today, Mr. Borgin, but selling," said Mr. Malfoy. "Selling?" The smile faded slightly from Mr. Borgin's face. "You have heard, of course, that the Ministry is conducting more raids," said Mr. Malfoy, taking a roll of parchment from his inside pocket and unraveling it for Mr. Borgin to read. "I have a few - ah - items at home that might embarrass me, if the Ministry were to call..." Mr. Borgin fixed a pair of pince-nez to his nose and looked down the list. "The Ministry wouldn't presume to trouble you, sir, surely?" Mr. Malfoy's lip curled. "I have not been visited yet. The name Malfoy still commands a certain respect, yet the Ministry grows ever more meddlesome. There are rumors about a new Muggle Protection Act - no doubt that flea-bitten, Muggle-loving fool Arthur Weasley is behind it--" Harry felt a hot surge of anger. "- and as you see, certain of these poisons might make it appear--" "I understand, sir, of course," said Mr. Borgin. "Let me see..." "Can I have that?" interrupted Draco, pointing at the withered hand on its cushion. "Ah, the Hand of Glory!" said Mr. Borgin, abandoning Mr. Malfoy's list and scurrying over to Draco. "Insert a candle and it gives light only to the holder! Best friend of thieves and plunderers! Your son has fine taste, sir." "I hope my son will amount to more than a thief or a plunderer, Borgin," said Mr. Malfoy coldly, and Mr. Borgin said quickly, "No offense, sir, no offense meant--" "Though if his grades don't pick up," said Mr. Malfoy, more coldly still, "that may indeed be all he is fit for--" "It's not my fault," retorted Draco. "The teachers all have favorites, that Hermione Granger--" "I would have thought you'd be ashamed that a girl of no wizard family beat you in every exam," snapped Mr. Malfoy. "Ha!" said Harry under his breath, pleased to see Draco looking both abashed and angry. "It's the same all over," said Mr. Borgin, in his oily voice. "Wizard blood is counting for less everywhere--" "Not with me," said Mr. Malfoy, his long nostrils flaring. "No, sir, nor with me, sir," said Mr. Borgin, with a deep bow. "In that case, perhaps we can return to my list," said Mr. Malfoy shortly. "I am in something of a hurry, Borgin, I have important business elsewhere today--" They started to haggle. Harry watched nervously as Draco drew nearer and nearer to his hiding place, examining the objects for sale. Draco paused to examine a long coil of hangman's rope and to read, smirking, the card propped on a magnificent necklace of opals, Caution: Do Not Touch. Cursed - Has Claimed the Lives of Nineteen Muggle Owners to Date. Draco turned away and saw the cabinet right in front of him. He walked forward - he stretched out his hand for the handle "Done," said Mr. Malfoy at the counter. "Come, Draco--" Harry wiped his forehead on his sleeve as Draco turned away. "Good day to you, Mr. Borgin. I'll expect you at the manor tomorrow to pick up the goods." The moment the door had closed, Mr. Borgin dropped his oily manner. "Good day yourself, Mister Malfoy, and if the stories are true, you haven't sold me half of what's hidden in your manor..." Muttering darkly, Mr. Borgin disappeared into a back room. Harry waited for a minute in case he came back, then, quietly as he could, slipped out of the cabinet, past the glass cases, and out of the shop door. Clutching his broken glasses to his face, Harry stared around. He had emerged into a dingy alleyway that seemed to be made up entirely of shops devoted to the Dark Arts. The one he'd just left, Borgin and Burkes, looked like the largest, but opposite was a nasty window display of shrunken heads and, two doors down, a large cage was alive with gigantic black spiders. Two shabby-looking wizards were watching him from the shadow of a doorway, muttering to each other. Feeling jumpy, Harry set off, trying to hold his glasses on straight and hoping against hope he'd be able to find a way out of here. An old wooden street sign hanging over a shop selling poisonous candles told him he was in Knockturn Alley. This didn't help, as Harry had never heard of such a place. He supposed he hadn't spoken clearly enough through his mouthful of ashes back in the Weasleys'fire. Trying to stay calm, he wondered what to do. "Not lost are you, my dear?" said a voice in his ear, making him jump. An aged witch stood in front of him, holding a tray of what looked horribly like whole human fingernails. She leered at him, showing mossy teeth. Harry backed away. "I'm fine, thanks," he said. "I'm just--" "HARRY! What d'yeh think yer doin'down there?" Harry's heart leapt. So did the witch; a load of fingernails cascaded down over her feet and she cursed as the massive form of Hagrid, the Hogwarts'gamekeeper, came striding toward them, beetle-black eyes flashing over his great bristling beard. "Hagrid!" Harry croaked in relief. "I was lost - Floo powder--" Hagrid seized Harry by the scruff of the neck and pulled him away from the witch, knocking the tray right out of her hands. Her shrieks followed them all the way along the twisting alleyway out into bright sunlight. Harry saw a familiar, snow-white marble building in the distance - Gringotts Bank. Hagrid had steered him right into Diagon Alley. "Yer a mess!" said Hagrid gruffly, brushing soot off Harry so forcefully he nearly knocked him into a barrel of dragon dung outside an apothecary. "Skulkin'around Knockturn Alley, I dunno dodgy place, Harry - don'want no one ter see yeh down there--" "I realized that ," said Harry, ducking as Hagrid made to brush him off again. "I told you, I was lost - what were you doing down there, anyway?" "I was lookin'fer a Flesh-Eatin'Slug Repellent," growled Hagrid. "They're ruinin'the school cabbages. Yer not on yer own?" "I'm staying with the Weasleys but we got separated," Harry explained. "I've got to go and find them..." They set off together down the street. "How come yeh never wrote back ter me?" said Hagrid as Harry jogged alongside him (he had to take three steps to every stride of Hagrid's enormous boots). Harry explained all about Dobby and the Dursleys. "Lousy Muggles," growled Hagrid. "If I'd've known--" "Harry! Harry! Over here!" Harry looked up and saw Hermione Granger standing at the top of the white flight of steps to Gringotts. She ran down to meet them, her bushy brown hair flying behind her. "What happened to your glasses? Hello, Hagrid - Oh, it's wonderful to see you two again - Are you coming into Gringotts, Harry?" "As soon as I've found the Weasleys," said Harry. "Yeh won't have long ter wait," Hagrid said with a grin. Harry and Hermione looked around: Sprinting up the crowded street were Ron, Fred, George, Percy, and Mr. Weasley. "Harry," Mr. Weasley panted. "We hoped you'd only gone one grate too far..." He mopped his glistening bald patch. "Molly's frantic - she's coming now--" "Where did you come out?" Ron asked. "Knockturn Alley," said Hagrid grimly. "Excellent!" said Fred and George together. "We've never been allowed in," said Ron enviously. "I should ruddy well think not," growled Hagrid. Mrs. Weasley now came galloping into view, her handbag swinging wildly in one hand, Ginny just clinging onto the other. "Oh, Harry - oh, my dear - you could have been anywhere--" Gasping for breath she pulled a large clothes brush out of her bag and began sweeping off the soot Hagrid hadn't managed to beat away. Mr. Weasley took Harry's glasses, gave them a tap of his wand, and returned them, good as new. "Well, gotta be off," said Hagrid, who was having his hand wrung by Mrs. Weasley ("Knockturn Alley! If you hadn't found him, Hagrid!"). "See yer at Hogwarts!" And he strode away, head and shoulders taller than anyone else in the packed street. "Guess who I saw in Borgin and Burkes?" Harry asked Ron and Hermione as they climbed the Gringotts steps. "Malfoy and his father." "Did Lucius Malfoy buy anything?" said Mr. Weasley sharply behind them. "No, he was selling--" "So he's worried," said Mr. Weasley with grim satisfaction. "Oh, I'd love to get Lucius Malfoy for something ..." "You be careful, Arthur," said Mrs. Weasley sharply as they were bowed into the bank by a goblin at the door. "That family's trouble. Don't go biting off more than you can chew--" "So you don't think I'm a match for Lucius Malfoy?" said Mr. Weasley indignantly, but he was distracted almost at once by the sight of Hermione's parents, who were standing nervously at the counter that ran all along the great marble hall, waiting for Hermione to introduce them. "But you're Muggles!" said Mr. Weasley delightedly. "We must have a drink! What's that you've got there? Oh, you're changing Muggle money. Molly, look!" He pointed excitedly at the ten-pound notes in Mr. Granger's hand. "Meet you back here," Ron said to Hermione as the Weasleys and Harry were led off to their underground vaults by another Gringotts goblin. The vaults were reached by means of small, goblin-driven carts that sped along miniature train tracks through the bank's underground tunnels. Harry enjoyed the breakneck journey down to the Weasleys'vault, but felt dreadful, far worse than he had in Knockturn Alley, when it was opened. There was a very small pile of silver Sickles inside, and just one gold Galleon. Mrs. Weasley felt right into the corners before sweeping the whole lot into her bag. Harry felt even worse when they reached his vault. He tried to block the contents from view as he hastily shoved handfuls of coins into a leather bag. Back outside on the marble steps, they all separated. Percy muttered vaguely about needing a new quill. Fred and George had spotted their friend from Hogwarts, Lee Jordan. Mrs. Weasley and Ginny were going to a secondhand robe shop. Mr. Weasley was insisting on taking the Grangers off to the Leaky Cauldron for a drink. "We'll all meet at Flourish and Blotts in an hour to buy your schoolbooks," said Mrs. Weasley, setting off with Ginny. "And not one step down Knockturn Alley!" she shouted at the twins'retreating backs. Harry, Ron, and Hermione strolled off along the winding, cobbled street. The bag of gold, silver, and bronze jangling cheerfully in Harry's pocket was clamoring to be spent, so he bought three large strawberry-and-peanut-butter ice creams, which they slurped happily as they wandered up the alley, examining the fascinating shop windows. Ron gazed longingly at a full set of Chudley Cannon robes in the windows of Quality Quidditch Supplies until Hermione dragged them off to buy ink and parchment next door. In Gambol and Japes Wizarding Joke Shop, they met Fred, George, and Lee Jordan, who were stocking up on Dr. Filibuster's Fabulous Wet-Start, No-Heat Fireworks, and in a tiny junk shop full of broken wands, lopsided brass scales, and old cloaks covered in potion stains they found Percy, deeply immersed in a small and deeply boring book called Prefects Who Gained Power . "A study of Hogwarts prefects and their later careers," Ron read aloud off the back cover. "That sounds fascinating ..." "Go away," Percy snapped. "Course, he's very ambitious, Percy, he's got it all planned out... He wants to be Minister of Magic..." Ron told Harry and Hermione in an undertone as they left Percy to it. An hour later, they headed for Flourish and Blotts. They were by no means the only ones making their way to the bookshop. As they approached it, they saw to their surprise a large crowd jostling outside the doors, trying to get in. The reason for this was proclaimed by a large banner stretched across the upper windows: GILDEROY LOCKHART will be signing copies of his autobiography MAGICAL ME today 12:30 P.M. to 4:30 P.M. "We can actually meet him!" Hermione squealed. "I mean, he's written almost the whole booklist!" The crowd seemed to be made up mostly of witches around Mrs. Weasley's age. A harassed-looking wizard stood at the door, saying, "Calmly, please, ladies... Don't push, there... mind the books, now..." Harry, Ron, and Hermione squeezed inside. A long line wound right to the back of the shop, where Gilderoy Lockhart was signing his books. They each grabbed a copy of The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 2 and sneaked up the line to where the rest of the Weasleys were standing with Mr. and Mrs. Granger. "Oh, there you are, good," said Mrs. Weasley. She sounded breathless and kept patting her hair. "We'll be able to see him in a minute..." Gilderoy Lockhart came slowly into view, seated at a table surrounded by large pictures of his own face, all winking and flashing dazzlingly white teeth at the crowd. The real Lockhart was wearing robes of forget-me-not blue that exactly matched his eyes; his pointed wizard's hat was set at a jaunty angle on his wavy hair. A short, irritable-looking man was dancing around taking photographs with a large black camera that emitted puffs of purple smoke with every blinding flash. "Out of the way, there," he snarled at Ron, moving back to get a better shot. "This is for the Daily Prophet--" "Big deal," said Ron, rubbing his foot where the photographer had stepped on it. Gilderoy Lockhart heard him. He looked up. He saw Ron - and then he saw Harry. He stared. Then he leapt to his feet and positively shouted, "It can't be Harry Potter?" The crowd parted, whispering excitedly; Lockhart dived forward, seized Harry's arm, and pulled him to the front. The crowd burst into applause. Harry's face burned as Lockhart shook his hand for the photographer, who was clicking away madly, wafting thick smoke over the Weasleys. "Nice big smile, Harry," said Lockhart, through his own gleaming teeth. "Together, you and I are worth the front page." When he finally let go of Harry's hand, Harry could hardly feel his fingers. He tried to sidle back over to the Weasleys, but Lockhart threw an arm around his shoulders and clamped him tightly to his side. "Ladies and gentlemen," he said loudly, waving for quiet. "What an extraordinary moment this is! The perfect moment for me to make a little announcement I've been sitting on for some time! "When young Harry here stepped into Flourish and Blotts today, he only wanted to buy my autobiography - which I shall be happy to present him now, free of charge -" The crowd applauded again. "He had no idea ," Lockhart continued, giving Harry a little shake that made his glasses slip to the end of his nose, "that he would shortly be getting much, much more than my book, Magical Me . He and his schoolmates will, in fact, be getting the real magical me. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have great pleasure and pride in announcing that this September, I will be taking up the post of Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry!" The crowd cheered and clapped and Harry found himself being presented with the entire works of Gilderoy Lockhart. Staggering slightly under their weight, he managed to make his way out of the limelight to the edge of the room, where Ginny was standing next to her new cauldron. "You have these," Harry mumbled to her, tipping the books into the cauldron. "I'll buy my own--" "Bet you loved that, didn't you, Potter?" said a voice Harry had no trouble recognizing. He straightened up and found himself face-to-face with Draco Malfoy, who was wearing his usual sneer. "Famous Harry Potter," said Malfoy. "Can't even go into a bookshop without making the front page." "Leave him alone, he didn't want all that!" said Ginny. It was the first time she had spoken in front of Harry. She was glaring at Malfoy. "Potter, you've got yourself a girlfriend!" drawled Malfoy. Ginny went scarlet as Ron and Hermione fought their way over, both clutching stacks of Lockhart's books. "Oh, it's you," said Ron, looking at Malfoy as if he were something unpleasant on the sole of his shoe. "Bet you're surprised to see Harry here, eh?" "Not as surprised as I am to see you in a shop, Weasley," retorted Malfoy. "I suppose your parents will go hungry for a month to pay for all those." Ron went as red as Ginny. He dropped his books into the cauldron, too, and started toward Malfoy, but Harry and Hermione grabbed the back of his jacket. "Ron!" said Mr. Weasley, struggling over with Fred and George. "What are you doing? It's too crowded in here, let's go outside." "Well, well, well - Arthur Weasley." It was Mr. Malfoy. He stood with his hand on Draco's shoulder, sneering in just the same way. "Lucius," said Mr. Weasley, nodding coldly. "Busy time at the Ministry, I hear," said Mr. Malfoy. "All those raids... I hope they're paying you overtime?" He reached into Ginny's cauldron and extracted, from amid the glossy Lockhart books, a very old, very battered copy of A Beginner's Guide to Transfiguration . "Obviously not," Mr. Malfoy said. "Dear me, what's the use of being a disgrace to the name of wizard if they don't even pay you well for it?" Mr. Weasley flushed darker than either Ron or Ginny. "We have a very different idea of what disgraces the name of wizard, Malfoy," he said. "Clearly," said Mr. Malfoy, his pale eyes straying to Mr. and Mrs. Granger, who were watching apprehensively. "The company you keep, Weasley... and I thought your family could sink no lower." There was a thud of metal as Ginny's cauldron went flying; Mr. Weasley had thrown himself at Mr. Malfoy, knocking him backward into a bookshelf. Dozens of heavy spellbooks came thundering down on all their heads; there was a yell of, "Get him, Dad!" from Fred or George; Mrs. Weasley was shrieking, "No, Arthur, no!"; the crowd stampeded backward, knocking more shelves over; "Gentlemen, please - please!" cried the assistant, and then, louder than all-- "Break it up, there, gents, break it up--" Hagrid was wading toward them through the sea of books. In an instant he had pulled Mr. Weasley and Mr. Malfoy apart. Mr. Weasley had a cut lip and Mr. Malfoy had been hit in the eye by an Encyclopedia of Toadstools . He was still holding Ginny's old Transfiguration book. He thrust it at her, his eyes glittering with malice. "Here, girl - take your book - it's the best your father can give you -" Pulling himself out of Hagrid's grip he beckoned to Draco and swept from the shop. "Yeh should've ignored him, Arthur," said Hagrid, almost lifting Mr. Weasley off his feet as he straightened his robes. "Rotten ter the core, the whole family, everyone knows that - no Malfoy's worth listenin'ter - bad blood, that's what it is - come on now - let's get outta here." The assistant looked as though he wanted to stop them leaving, but he barely came up to Hagrid's waist and seemed to think better of it. They hurried up the street, the Grangers shaking with fright and Mrs. Weasley beside herself with fury. "A fine example to set for your children... brawling in public... what Gilderoy Lockhart must've thought--" "He was pleased," said Fred. "Didn't you hear him as we were leaving? He was asking that bloke from the Daily Prophet if he'd be able to work the fight into his report - said it was all publicity--" But it was a subdued group that headed back to the fireside in the Leaky Cauldron, where Harry, the Weasleys, and all their shopping would be traveling back to the Burrow using Floo powder. They said good-bye to the Grangers, who were leaving the pub for the Muggle street on the other side; Mr. Weasley started to ask them how bus stops worked, but stopped quickly at the look on Mrs. Weasley's face. Harry took off his glasses and put them safely in his pocket before helping himself to Floo powder. It definitely wasn't his favorite way to travel.

#ChamberofSecrets #HarryPotter

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