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anamelessfool · 5 months

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Valise (AO3)

From my "Domestics" Ficlet Series

GEN Young Secondo (b. 1961) (1969)

(Illustration by Me...Yes, he is supposed to look like Damien from the Omen)

8 year old Secondo is a touring piano prodigy, and his mother supports him every step of the way. An unexpected visitor arrives at the Ministry HQ.

Tags: domestic fluff, Secondo the child prodigy, mother and son relationship, this is why he is so intense, Enjoy my Google Translate Italian, Maybe I should send this to my Therapist, Sorta Sad Fluff Because That's My Brand

First and foremost dedicated to @fishwithtitz once more for asking me about Secondo after reading my Kid Primo stuff.

Ficlet below the cut!

1969

She was always there. Sister Rebecca. His mother. Secondo stole a glance across the top of the piano to the velvety darkness of stage right. He could tell she was there by the soft gleam of her perfectly round glasses. Secondo gave a nod, then refocused himself on the piano keys before him.

This tour season she had planned for him a program highlighting the greats of Chopin’s work He had grown quite a bit since his debut at six, and so he was able to reach more keys with greater accuracy. The theater was packed, the audience on the edge of their seats astounded at how such a young mind could comprehend the complexities of piano performance. He was on tempo and accurate—but then again any trained monkey could be that with enough practice. They were drawn to his surprising sensitivity on the keys, his understanding of drama and atmosphere that went way beyond his years.

Secondo didn't care whether he played in the common room of the Ministry or a packed orpheum in New York City, in both places his brain worked the same. His fingers moved and the sound fell out, a puzzle to massage his brooding mind. They were the soundtrack of the visions he had in his imagination brought on by all the paperbacks he read in the Ministry limousine as he toured up and down New England.

A leviathan of cosmic horror, its impossibly great head rising from the sea.

Moriarty and Sherlock, entangled as they plunged headfirst down the falls.

A corpse’s heart, beating under the floor in defiance of its murderer.

Rough beasts, their hour come at last, slouching towards Bethlehem.

He finished the piece with a flourish, bowing solemnly. His mother was always the first one to applaud.

When they traveled, which was often, she insisted they stay at the finest rooms in the finest hotels. Her businesslike, steely expression was usually enough to ensure their stay there was one of ease and opulence, and she tipped everyone handsomely besides. “Yes, and the room needs to have a phone. It is essential.”

“There is a time to perform and a time to rest,” she told her son once. “Commit to each season fully.”

Except it seemed like she never truly rested. The Personal Assistant to Mother Imperator rarely does. They would have a meal in the hotel suite, or go to a play or opera performance in each city they visited, but she was always peering into her datebook or calling the Ministry in the theater phonebooth during intermissions. Secondo would hold her drink while she made plans and kept appointments across the world.

Back at the hotel, the calls and note taking would continue, this time on the elegant historical phone of the penthouse, at least until she felt everything was laid out well enough before going to bed.

“No, it's not possible, but you have to make it work.” Click. Her datebook would snap open, and she'd dial the rotary phone again for another check in. Whirrrr, whirrr, whirrr.

“Nihil will be on tour the fifteenth through the second. Yes, the venues are all approved.” Click. Snap. Whirrr, whirr, whirrr.

Then she would pull out an array of languages. A full half hour conversation in Italian. Three requests in Portuguese, a demand in Spanish from another caller across the world. A stilted yet firm discussion in broken German (she struggled with that one, but it was on her list).

Secondo, still warm from his bath, would close his eyes in the other bed. There was the soft murmuring of phone call after phone call. The efficient scratching of a fountain pen. The impatient tapping of her fingernails across the desk. She would turn to check on him and through his eyelashes he saw once more the gleam of her spectacles, the white gold glitter of the smart brooch at her throat. He started to drift off to sleep to the quiet efficient sounds of his mother at work.

“Yes, I'm away now. Our tour is going well. My son and I are having a lovely time. Yes, he is doing so well. Talented through and through.”

***

“And what brooch shall I wear today, boy?” She would ask him each day, after putting up her hair and putting away her ivory combs. Secondo would peer across the open jewelry case, the finery enclosed and separated with black velvet dividers, a stable of jewels. He would pick one and hand it to her. She never refused his selection.

“How is my watch today, boy?” Would be the next thing she would ask about. Secondo would already be prepared with it. It was a thin ladies wristwatch over forty years old and still pristine. It was a big moment for him when he was allowed to take care of it. He would make sure it was wound each day, opening the back to see the small gears whirring smoothly like the action of a song bird's heart. He would polish the white gold surface, check the fittings on the square cut sapphires. Under his care he wanted it to run for another four hundred years.

“We are going back home today,” she said. “The tour is over. The car is picking us up at the front in an hour. Is everything accounted for, boy?”

Secondo inspected the entire jewelry case, making sure all was there. He even considered the secret panel underneath, where a few hundred dollar bills were stored. He nodded solemnly, the most dutiful little butler she'd ever employed.

Secondo was the only one allowed to carry her travel case of jewelry. It was a small valise of ostrich leather with engraved brass to protect the corners. He was the only other one who knew the combination. When they traveled he never let his hand leave the handle. He had once seen a spy movie where a man had a handcuff and chain attached to a secret spy suitcase, and that really stirred his imagination.

I'm going to protect these, Secondo would think, and the idea of fighting off bandits and thieves with his teeth and fists would send a thrill through his little body. I'm going to defend these with my life.

***

Secondo stared out the window of the Ministry limousine, watching the ascent of the car into the canopy of old growth as they returned home. When there was nothing to say he and his mother Rebecca chose to say nothing. They sat in a silence that was comfortable to them, the soft scratching of her pen in her little datebook lulling him into calm.

Rebecca closed the book with a business-like click, elegantly stowing it in her coat breast pocket. Secondo watched the little flash of red shagreen vanish into the black wool.

“Boy.” Rebecca’s face showed nothing. She peered at him with a corvid intensity, then leaned forward, her strong nose mere inches from his face. An eyebrow twitched exactly once. “What do we have here?”

Second stared back with an equal level of stoicism, although there was the slight fluttering of anticipation behind his ribs. His mother reached out by the side of his head, feigning dramatic surprise. “Look!” She hissed. A wrapped caramel miraculously appeared from his ear, and she solemnly placed it in his hands. “Don't I tell you to wash your ears, boy?” She teased.

At that, Secondo smiled broadly, unwrapping and savoring the treat. Rebecca gave her son's knee a single pat. “Excellent work once again, my Secondo. I would not expect anything less.”

“Will we go again next year?” He asked.

“If you want,” she said.

“Europe?”

Rebecca frowned. “Not until you're older. These little tours are too much as it is on you. I know you enjoy the spotlight, boy, but you do have the rest of your life to stand under it.”

Secondo tightened his grip on the handle of her jewelry valise, glowering at the ridges of the leather seat across from him. “Why can't I be old enough right now?”

“Secondo—” and he snapped bolt upright, looking into her eyes. She used his name mostly when he was in trouble. She pulled off her glasses and began to clean them with a cloth from her jacket. The thick glasses concealed the tired wrinkles under her blue eyes. “Great men are good boys first. If you're going to be Papa Emeritus, you need to start now. And you are on the path. One step at a time.”

“But Nihil…” Secondo found it hard to understand how his proper mother ever spent a moment enjoying the presence of his freewheeling bohemian father. He suspected Rebecca felt the same.

Rebecca replaced her glasses. “I said that you are going to be a great man, Secondo.”

As the limo pulled into the circular driveway Secondo noticed two figures and some luggage standing under the front portico. Rebecca looked unusually puzzled as she helped her son out of the vehicle. One of the figures was a tall man in a very opulent fur-lined cape. He had the headwear and glittering grucifix that announced his station as a Cardinal, although he was not anyone Secondo had ever seen before. The second figure was much smaller and shyly stood behind the visitor. He was so small and hidden that Secondo assumed he was some sort of pet.

“Sister Rebecca, buon Giorno.” The Cardinal’s voice was merry, sing-songy. Foreign. “They had said you are one I will be needing a seeing, yes?” He bowed his great graying head. “I am Cardinal Raphael, sono di Milano.”

“Parlo fluentemente l'italiano, Excellenze,” said Rebecca. “How can I help you.”

Raphael’s shoulders lowered in a moment of relief. “Dov'è il Papa Emeritus questo pomeriggio? Sono qui per Sua Eccellenza.”

“è fuori. in questo momento è a San Francisco.”

“Ah, si, si…”

The two adults chattered on the step. Secondo held his mother’s hand as he observed the other visitor beside the Italian, who was slowly inching into view.

Holding onto the Cardinal’s belt end was a very small figure, bundled up. Above the mountain of his knit scarf and below the too-big beret, little cat-like eyes sparkled. It was a boy about half Secondo’s age, or younger. He had a cardboard suitcase on which a child drew a cartoon flower.

“Shall we go inside?” Rebecca finished the conversation. “You did not come all this way to stand on these steps. Come.”

A few moments later and Rebecca offered the visitors a seat at the sofa of a receiving room. She smiled as the adults settled in. Secondo took a seat in a nearby armchair, still holding the precious valise in his hand. The new boy struggled a bit with getting up onto the couch but sat there obediently, swinging his legs.

“Now,” Rebecca said, done with the pleasantries. “Why have you come all this way today, Cardinal.”

Cardinal Raphael swept out his hand. “Questo è il figlio di Papa Emeritus.” The little boy beside the cardinal blinked his eyes wide, checking in with his mentor. The Cardinal raised his bushy eyebrows, gesturing slightly with his hands. The boy screwed up his face in an attempt at nobility and bobbed his head slightly in a bow.

Rebecca’s mouth was now a thin line. “Oh? Is that so?”

“The em…his Eminence’s tour of Italy was er…in the 1964 and the 1965.”

“It most certainly was,” replied Rebecca. Her hand imperceptibly clenched the edge of her sofa chair. “I planned every last detail.”

“Perhaps not,” replied the Cardinal with a good natured chuckle, but upon seeing Rebecca’s icy expression he swallowed his own. Time crawled as she stared into him, tapping her fingers on her chair. If a sinkhole ripped open beneath the Cardinal's feet dropping him into the depths of the planet, he would thank Satan for the opportunity.

Rebecca solemnly pulled off her glasses and rested them on the side table. She arranged the datebook and fountain pen beside them, and rose to her feet. “Cardinale, mi scuso.”

She backed away elegantly, opening the parlor doors behind her and slipping inside. The Cardinal seemed to be a decently friendly man, since he attempted to break the tense silence by leaning over to address Secondo. “So eh, you….baseball?”

There was a shattering sound against a wall in the parlor. It sounded like a plate falling to pieces. Afterwards there came a great toppling noise of wood on wood, a pop and crack of carpentry destroyed under a foot. Then a wrathful scream was drowned out by the rushing, creaking crash of something large sliding to the floor. The tinkling of glass and a ceramic explosion suggested the victim to be an entire hutch of dinnerware.

The plates on the floor settled and Rebecca once more emerged, softly closing the door behind her and returning to her seat. Her face was as calm as it always was. She brought her items into her hands, writing something quickly in her book, then replacing in her jacket. “Secondo, I'm not sure if I want to buy your father a suitcase or a coffin.”

Cardinal Raphael shook his head and chuckled, but immediately recoiled once more at the glare thrown at him across the room.

The conversation became low, almost silent, the Cardinal gesturing with his hands as if he were a fencing opponent. He pulled out a crumpled piece of paper and handed it to Rebecca, who snatched it from his hands and glared at the words.

Secondo observed the little boy who was smiling to himself and admiring the carved wood paneling in the opulent receiving room. The boy noticed Secondo and presented him with a friendly mischievous grin.

Secondo frowned suspiciously back. He pulled the jewelry valise even closer to his chest.

The hushed conversation continued around them. Secondo had no idea what they were saying, but he attempted to understand the small snippets he heard.

Ci siamo presi cura di loro... quattro anni... torre della cattedrale... suicidio... è solo…

“Fine,” Rebecca said, neatly folding the note. She glanced over to Secondo, then back to her guests. She pointed at the new boy. “Stai qui per favore.”

The cardinal patted his young ward to his feet.

Rebecca leaned forward, staring into the little boy standing in front of her. Light reflected across her perfectly round spectacles, concealing her eyes and transforming her into some sort of suspicious owl, an inhuman statue. “Sei un bravo maschietto? Sei un maschietto obbediente?”

The boy winced, perhaps confused by the question. He collected himself and nodded.

“Lavorerai?”

Again he flashed a small face of concern. But he gave her one last determined nod.

“Very well,” Rebecca sighed. She leaned back in the chair and removed her glasses. There were a few beats of silence, the nun gathering her thoughts and tidying her mind from the previous moment’s sudden earthquake. She gestured from her son to the little visitor. “Secondo, this…I suppose then that this is Terzo,” she said. “Your…half-brother.”

My AO3 | Tumblr Fic List | My Obsessive Ghost AU Series aka My Flavor of Insanity

Please comment and reblog! Thank you.

#ghost scenes from the void #papa emeritus ii #ghost headcanons #domestic fluff #my art

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na-t0 · 1 year

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𝘛𝘰 𝘮𝘺 𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘵

Vash the Stampede x reader (no pronouns used)

The piece below contains the bleak words from a remitter that considered not deserving a response from its addressee. A mere confession from a worn out soul to another.

A farewell letter dedicated to the man with a geranium colored spirit.

A farewell letter dedicated to the man that will be loved until the five moons that adorn the sky, fall before the eyes of this desolate heart.

The reason why I am writing this letter to you is somewhat difficult to explain. It's something much bigger than me, a greater power beyond my comprehension that unfortunately, is slowly consuming everything around me. I’ve come to find myself plunged into deep despair, and at the same time, I learnt to accept the cowardice that has been invading me for not being able to muster the necessary strength to look at you in the eyes and tell you what you will read here in a few moments.

Pretty easy right? To hide between words, ink and paper. I'm sorry about that.

I will start by saying that, when I first met you, I came to realize that everything I knew and defined as my world would transform into something entirely different. You were the strike of lightning in the pouring rain, a hit that came with enough force to demolish an entire city. Your presence was all over the place, making it hard to ignore you. Every step you took resonated loudly in my head. And despite of what your name represents and what people often acknowledges you as, I have realized that it only covers a small part of what you truly are.

I think you are incredible, Vash. You are kind, you are a gentle being. You are the most wonderful coincidence that I have met in my life. You are an imperfect creation, but so am I. And so is everything else. And no matter how hard I try, I'll never be able to fully comprehend your greatness. But that's okay, because I already came to create my own conclusions. Just like you don't need to fully understand why I feel the way I feel when I notice you are near me. Or how the blood flows violently in each and every of my veins when I hear you breathing softly while you are sleeping on my chest. Even when, I suppose that you too have already come to create your own conclusions about it.

My love for you has grown so unbridled that I fear of losing my mind. So, that's why I decided to get away from you, from the room we shared, from the city where we used to travel together. Having you by my side hurt, because despite the suffocating closeness, you were still miles away from me.

And it hurt, it hurt immensely because my heart is exposed. Open the palm of your hand and there you will find it, bleeding and throbbing with emotion and life. While yours, is hiding behind an iron barrier attached to the left side of your chest. A barrier I could never cross no matter how hard I tried.

And because of that, I wish your gaze had never met mine. I wish you had never saved my life. I wish our lips had never touched. I wish you had never felt embarrassed to undress yourself in front of me. I wish I never had to see you cry while nightmares tormented you at midnight. I wish your pain would just go away. I wish you never had to suffer. I wish you had never deprived me of the right to love you.

I wish for so many things.

And I also foolishly wish that you loved me as much as I do, despite everything, despite all of this.

I love the scars in your body that form together a map I have traveled so many times with my lips, a map vividly embodied in my memory. I love your eyes and the color of your hair. I love the little mole that adorns the highest part of your left cheekbone. The aroma of your skin and the contrast of temperatures that your hands emit when you embrace me. I love when you laugh and I also love that you are easily moved to tears. I love the sound of your voice at any time of the day. I love listening to you hum that song you like so much and I love dancing with you that waltz we drunkenly invented one night out in the dark alley of a bar, and therefore, only you and I know. I love all the versions I've met of you.

I have even come to hate that word, ‘love’, because I consider that is too vague to describe what arises within my being when I lift my stare from the floor and see you standing in front of me. But I've learned to settle for it, so yes, I love you. I absolutely love everything about you, your worst and your best. I love you, Vash. And I am a slave to my own body because it refuses to feel otherwise, to think otherwise.

I will be devoted to you until eternity comes to an end, even though I don't really have a clue of how long that will be.

Knowing you, that idea does not please you at all.

So, forgive me.

Forgive me for stumbling upon your way that rainy day, and for trying to love you the days that came next.

Forgive me for that, and for all the other things, so I can leave without wanting to look back.

-Yours entirely. Yours forever.

What followed after was the image of Vash going through the door, running after those faint footsteps of your boots imprint in the unforgiving sand of May City. Holding against his chest the crumpled piece of paper that had the last bit of your essence. The trace that a weak, broken heart left behind as an old souvenir. Pieces slowly intermingling with the ground, waiting to be picked up by the hands that undid them in the first place. And as he ran, it wasn't just the scorching sun of a summer afternoon the only thing that burned. The love you felt for that mysterious man with the empty smile and tender eyes was consumed in ashes. The sun was burning, but your heart and your soul, were burning even stronger. And Vash ran, he ran for hours until his legs sank in the dryness. Ran until your trail was lost. And he cried too, cried until exhaustion did not allow a single more sob to come out of his throat. But he managed to stand up, just like he always has, and kept searching. Praying silently to the heavens for another coincidence, another way to find you once again.

#Vash the Stampede #trigun angst #vash x reader #vash the stampede x reader #vash angst #trigun fic #Trigun #trigun stampede #trigun stampede fic #trigun x reader #trigun anime #trigun maximum #trimax #vash x you #vash x y/n

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princessofxianle · 4 months

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Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....Thanks...

well THANK YOU for asking, you are the first to!

tbh ive been meaning to do this on my main blog bc I take these wayyy too seriously lol but ANYWAY heres my top 10 faves (in no particular order) that I can think of (tbh theres prob more i forgot about, or i wanted to keep only 1 per fandom... except tgcf)

Huge Spoiler Warning: for ALL of tgcf, 2ha, aot, AND JJK MANGA!!!

1. Feng Xin (tgcf)

do i even need to explain this one? loyal to a fault, just a cute lil puppy, one hell of a sculpted archers back, and he's head over heels in love with Xie Lian (but tbh same) i have a lot of thoughts about him on a daily basis on this blog (and also theres the #fx backstory au tag)

2. Noé Archiviste (the Case Study of Vanitas)

MY BABY

the absolute bestest boy of EVER... with a LOAD of unprocessed trauma (yknow the typical stuff like seeing your childhood bff get decapitated in front of you) and a lot more to come once we find out how he kills his boyfriend best friend, Vanitas...

i ALSO think about him a lot but over on @noes-pillow

3. Sejanus Plinth (The Hunger Games: tbosas)

hated reading as a child... HATED it... picked up the og trilogy when i was 12 and i was a goner. The funny thing is i still hated reading for YEARS up until i picked up the prequel novel then in 2020, and now ive read all of tgcf, 2ha, and more fanfic than i could ever imagine... all because this stupid boy (i love him) chose to trust the WORST person as his friend, rip sejanus my baby

the movie is v good btw, if you havent seen it you should

4. Xie Lian (tgcf)

*Taizi Dianxia Fang Xin Guoshi General Hua Xie Lian*

how this man survived 800 years of being physically unable to die and never went insane is a mystery i will never be able to fully comprehend (aaand im in love with him... hmm i wonder why...)

5. Mihael "Mello" Keehl (Death Note)

the chocolate-addicted blonde boi that was my first anime crush... by proxy I must also add Mail "Matt" Jeevas because they are a package deal

these two are also the reason i started writing fanfic so they will ALWAYS hold a special place in my heart

6. Xue Meng - (2ha)

*sigh* he's just everyone's fav peacock (yes technically the image is XM 0.5 but he had a cool ass bird so im using this photo bc its COOL anyway...) mengmeng is another one of my trauma bois who has lost next to everything and yet is STILL kicking ass and taking names #thatsmyfuckingsectleader so proud of you my son

also this might get me into hot water here but imma go ahead and say it...

this is what i wanted Jiang Cheng to be... (i LOVE my angy grape but...) through thick and thin, despite EVERYTHING, and even mo ran fucking abandoning him he will still call mo ran his "ge"...

fgjhdfhfdg THEYRE BROTHERS, OKAY???

7. Howl Pendragon (Howl's Moving Castle)

ok this one i just simply do not need to explain... if you think i do, go watch this whole movie and then there ya go thats your answer...

GENDER

8. River Song (Doctor Who)

aside from being the character that unlocked my unhealthy obsession with :) Main Character Death :) at the ripe ol' age of 8 YEARS (although Will Turner from POTC also helped on that front... Orlando Bloom my beloved) River's story was a stroke of absolute GENIUS from start to finish and i simply love how Alex Kingston played her...

"You don't expect a sunset to admire you back."

I just love the doomed ones, okay...

9. Satoru Gojo (Jujutsu Kaisen)

look... theres *gojo girlies* uwu and then theres GOJO GIRLIES... i couldn't give 2 shits about how he's fan-serviced (tho im not complaining) but have you SEEN the amount of grief pumped into that man? he could explode in a fit of fucking insanity at literally any moment and take the whole goddamn world down with him bc what happened with suguru WASNT FAIR to him and satoru has more than enough power to go apeshit... but he DOESN'T... even after losing so many of his co-sorcerers... he still puts on a brave face to the end in order to protect the childhood of his students even tho his own youth was stolen from him during hidden inventory...

SEE? The DOOMED ones!

10. Levi Ackerman (Attack on Titan)

i read the manga during my last year of uni and when i tell you i SOBBED at the end... yes ofc for obvious reasons, but mostly bc my little Levi loses EVERYTHING. He is the SOLE survivor of the veteran scouts. He's missing multiple fingers, an eye, and the ability to walk. He was the strongest (yowaimo) but wasn't even granted the mercy to die at the end of his narrative! Broke my fucking heart.

BONUS: Morph (Treasure Planet)

he's a morph!!! nuff said <3

fin

#thanks for the ask friend!#gonna rb this to my main too bc i needed a new one of these #alex talks #asks #i swear im gonna wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night remembering a character i forgot lol oh well i tried

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wanderlst · 7 months

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If y’all don’t want to read something incredibly sappy you better keep on scrolling and if you won’t, don’t say I didn’t warn ya.

From the moment our eyes met, our hearts knew what our minds couldn't comprehend. I have never felt a love as unexplainable as the one we share now. I could never find the right words to fully express my love for you. I love you, I really do, every inch of you and even every flaw you don’t like about yourself. Everything you are, is everything I love, want and need. You make me so unbelievable happy, it’s insane. Every little word you say goes right to my heart, no matter if it’s a love confession or a talk about your day. Everything you say is so interesting to me, I could listen to you talk for hours without getting bored. I want to thank you, for loving me and showing me the kindness I was searching for. For giving me exactly what I need, when I need it, without having to tell you, because you can just feel it. You are the most beautiful human I’ve ever met. Nothing my eyes have ever seen could compare with you. Not a single flower, no night sky, no landscape. No, not even the most beautiful painting is as beautiful as you. You are stunning. And you know why? Because not only your looks are beautiful, hell no, your personality and soul are too. You have absolutely no idea, how proud I am to call you mine. How wonderful it feels when you call me yours. I never want to face a day without you again. I wouldn’t be able to. You give me the strength I need. Thank you, for everything. You mean the world to me. No words are enough to tell you, how much I truly love and appreciate you. @alescurw

#did someone order sappy hours?#sorry but that had to be carried out into the world #i don’t make the rules i only break them #that being said let’s go back to hating each other <3 #☾₊ ・ alessio

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pinkeoni · 1 year

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Okay so I have some questions about this thing:

The Mind Flayer as we know it was created by Henry from this cloud of dust. But what exactly was this cloud of dust before Henry manipulated it? Just a cloud of dust? Did it have sentience, a conscience?

I was discussing this with @bylrndgm and after they rewatched the clip, observed that it seemed to be moving implying life of some kind. Furthermor, she pointed out the glowing thing in the middle could possibly be its heart.

They also pointed out that it’s shape seems to resemble a brain.

“When the brain dies the body dies.”

So this thing might be the brain of the Upside Down. Which kinda makes sense, taking it over and turning it into the Mind Flayer is how he is able to control the monsters of the UD. I think before this, it might have been connected to all the creatures but didn’t control them the way Henry did. Maybe that point is obvious, but I’m also gonna propose this:

This thing is the God of the Upside Down.

Henry wants to be God. Definitely not a loving and merciful god, but more like the vengeful Old Testament God. He never says that directly, but we can tell through his dialogue and actions. He wants to pass judgement onto others. He wants to be the top predator, he wants power over others. He wants to create. It would make sense given his character motivations for him to find the God of another realm and then exert his power of it (even if he wasn’t fully aware what it was at first).

I think that this dust cloud God might create all of the creatures of the Upside Down. For this reasoning, I’m actually going to turn to the Bible. My thought process behind this isn’t so farfetched though. In season 4 especially, the show starts to push more religious imagery and allegory, specifically Christian theology (ie the uber religious Binghams, Victor Creel believing they were being haunted by a demon, the town believing that Eddie’s a satanist, etc)

I made a post about this before, but I believe that the creatures of the UD are made out ash or dust. There’s several lines referring to life being made out of dust, “From you are dust, and to dust you shall return.” (Genesis 3:19) And if this thing is able to connect Henry to all the living things of the UD, I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch to say that it’s creatures are all made from its dust.

Another reason why I believe this thing to be the God of the Upside Down is the way it resembles a thunder cloud. There are several references in the Bible to the power and voice of God being described through thunder and lightning. “After it his voice roars; he thunders with his majestic voice, and he does not restrain the lightnings when his voice is heard. God thunders wondrously with his voice; he does great things that we cannot comprehend.” Job 37:4-5

At one point in the New Testament, God appears before a group of men as a cloud. “But even as he spoke, a bright cloud came over them, and a voice from the cloud said, ‘This is my dearly loved Son [Jesus], who brings me great joy.’” Matthew 17:5

These are just some speculative thoughts, I could very well be wrong about this! (I also have some thoughts on who the brain could belong to but that might be for another day) I would like to know what other people think!

#stranger things theory #henry creel #vecna stranger things #byler #biblegate

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muthaz-rapapa · 1 year

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A Brief Study of Loneliness Analysis #4 - alone against the world

To be honest, I’m questioning if I’m mentally well enough right now to do a proper analysis post. And this isn’t the topic I intended to write about either (that post will be published later) but something I decided on this morning after I woke up feeling too many emotions from thinking a lot these past few days.

Since writing is often an effective way for me to purge my state of mind…I owe myself this space to release some of that turmoil. So feel free to look the other way if this bothers you. And plz don’t interact with CLAMP-related commentary or whatever cuz that isn’t what this post is about.

{TW: mental illness, depression, topics of abuse}

Loneliness. Solitude.

These are the things Kaito has always known as far back as he can remember.

Isolated because of his powers, he was always alone. Even the few who genuinely reached out to him weren’t able to lift that belief from his mind.

Because he’s been carrying this emotional and psychological trauma from his childhood for so long that the thought of connecting with people, trusting others, is greatly damaged as well.

The only exception to that is Akiho. She had to endure abuse similarly to how he did so he could relate to her suffering. But she was also always beside him as a positive, healing influence and that helped alleviate some of that pain he felt.

However, it didn’t erase it because there were many things that kept that wall up between them.

He had to hide the fact that he is a magician from Akiho in order to not frighten her. Because every other magician she knew had only ever hurt her for not having magic. Kaito didn’t want that. He wanted her to feel safe, to grow up feeling that she can be treated normally. So he never used magic in front of her (or, at the very least, not in any way she would notice) so that she could interact with him without being afraid.

He hides his schemes in the shadows because he doesn’t want her to become aware of what her clan and the Association did to her, what he’s trying to fix right now. Finding out that she was turned into a magical artifact would be the ultimate thing that could destroy her heart and she’d immediately lose her soul to the spells carved into her body from the magnitude of that revelation.

He deflects her concern for his rapidly deteriorating health for the same reason.

“Don’t ask, don’t look this way, please think of yourself first”

All this is done for Akiho’s peace of mind.

Kaito shoulders the heavy burden of secrecy, his own massive guilt, anxiety, and despair so that Akiho wouldn’t have to. So that she wouldn’t worry and can be free to be happy like he wants her to be.

And that in itself is another loneliness for him to bear.

The loneliness of being at the top by yourself.

The loneliness of taking on a goal only you can fulfill, one that you absolutely MUST fulfill. A task that you can’t trust or rely on others for and are running out of time to complete.

The loneliness of not being able to be your true self, especially in front of the person you love most. Because that just might be what breaks her and you lose her forever.

The feeling that you are up against the odds, the world, alone.

“You’re on your own, you always have been”

Even when half of these issues are dealt with and made better post-climax-finale-whatever, the fact that Kaito had felt and experienced this pain won’t ever change. It will remain buried deep in the corners of his mind and at times, it will come back to haunt him when he’s at his weakest and most vulnerable.

Because it’s already part of him, what made him who he is now.

It is a pain unique to him so…even Akiho will never fully comprehend why or how he feels this way.

That’s just how humans are. It’s very difficult and perhaps impossible to completely understand one another because others can’t be you and you can’t be anyone but yourself. That’s the barrier that sets us apart.

And it made me realize something at the end of the latest chapter (68).

Knowing his story, his background, I have always stood on Kaito’s side and prayed for him to achieve what he wishes for (i.e. saving Akiho’s life). So from that position, I have to also come to understand how he perceives the world and how (he assumes) the world perceives him.

The world (or the majority) will typically side with the protagonist, the hero, the one considered “sane”. Like the boy holding up his sword right in front of him or the heroine Kaito placed in this story he wove. The side that is overwhelmingly painted as “good” and in that effect, sheds a negative light on the one standing opposite of it.

The “good” side (talking in general here, not Sakura) is willing to accept things they consider clean-looking. “Pure”. Sanitized.

So it’s easier for them to accept Akiho because despite her problems, she is shown to behave in what many still think as the “proper” way (by keeping her head down to herself and not starting any trouble).

The reaction and the reception towards Kaito’s actions, however, is more alienating and wary and outright hateful even with the bigger picture there to illustrate why. Even though he has good reason to explain his behavior (he acts sneakily and drastically precisely because he’s been pushed into extreme desperation), he will always be deemed as crazy and harmful and by some, even “evil”.

Because those people can’t register in their own brains the extent of the suffering in someone else’s mind and how that affects whatever that person does. So they shun them. They shun what they can’t understand and automatically label it as “bad”.

When in reality, most people who are mentally ill don’t have it in them to look and behave in the ideal standards that others ridiculously hold them up to.

It’s already a huge struggle to get up in the morning and to act normal before those we have to interact with. It’s already a constant and exhausting fight with yourself beneath the surface to not let your inner demons win.

Once something breaks that fragile façade, what do you honestly expect to see? Cuz it’s definitely not a perfect angel. It’s the broken and the ugly but still very much human part that we’re doing our best to reconcile in ourselves.

That, I believe, is a way to describe another loneliness Kaito possesses.

Nobody but him understands the conviction he has to hold onto as he faces every obstacle that blocks his way. Nobody knows what it’s like for him to do everything on his own for the sake of this plan to save Akiho. Nobody can comprehend the terrors that he and Akiho escaped from, that magician society that he had to likely fend off regularly while making sure the plan in Tomoeda goes accordingly without a hitch.

They just see him as “wrong” because they don’t want to accept what he’s gone through. What he is going through right now. Cuz it’s easier to blame something they don’t understand.

And it’s sad because Kaito believes this, too. That he is wicked, “evil”, and that there's no saving him.

That’s not true at all. He’s just doing his best in the limited ways available to him to ensure that Akiho survives.

And if life didn’t fuck him up like this, if it didn’t shape him into someone who couldn’t trust others, if he weren’t still so affected by his trauma and factors beyond his own control, do you honestly think he would go to such dangerous lengths just to poke in someone else’s miracle fountain? When there are probably safer ways to save Akiho out there?

No.

If a person’s mind was clear and healthy, mentally stable…they wouldn’t be viewed so derogatively. But when they aren’t those things, they’re thought of as less than a person. That it’s their fault they are that way.

It’s no wonder why he said “I am alone”.

Indeed, he may not be completely alone because Momo will not stop trying to make him see otherwise and most importantly, Akiho will never abandon him for anything and already loves him wholly and unconditionally…and those two are all he’ll ever need to go on…

…but he has known and experienced too much to ever forget this feeling.

The loneliness that nothing can totally cure, that nobody else but he can really understand. Because again, it was born within him, exists only within him and will always be a part of him.

But even so, even if the loneliness never vanishes, I will still be on his side. I don’t think his actions were “wrong” because if I were in his shoes with not many choices to pick from, I’d probably be pushed to do the same as well. I want to try to understand that much about him at least.

And of course, I want him to succeed in his plan, whatever it is, because I don’t believe for a second it can be malicious in any way.

More importantly, I want him to survive this ordeal and live to see better days. I want him to have the chance to overcome that loneliness because it’s not always going to be like that and he has the right to know what that feels like as well.

Because nobody deserves happiness more than Kaito. Because nobody in this entire goddamn story worked as hard as he did and actually put their life on the line and suffered through hell after hell after hell as much as he did.

#i hate depression #it messes up everything on my schedule #but i ain't so weak that i can't fight for my boy #going to bed now plz give me space thx #yuna d. kaito #🕰️🌾🐇

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imnotoverlyobsessive · 2 years

Text

Number Nine

Chapter Seven: I Could Be Your Perfect Disaster

AO3 author’s note/info one two three four five six seven eight epilogue extra

All my work is 18+.

I know where you are and I know where you’ve been, but I never thought we would be here again… I guess I don’t know how you’d want it back now. I thought you got yourself away. How do I prove it to myself you’re ready now? God, I want to. Now you want me, but what if your heart’s a liar? ‘Cause if you change your mind again, I’ll burn like a wildfire. From wedding bells to private hells, to fresh new starts and wish-you-wells, from up in lights to up in smoke, we just can’t let this go. Maybe this time it could work if our need is dire. Maybe our future’s so bright it it fucking burns like a wildfire.- Marianas Trench, Wildfire

It was evening by the time Lea woke up. And when she did wake up, it was in his arms. He was so much stronger now than when they’d been together, his muscles far more noticeable. His jawline and cheekbones were sharper, too, but she couldn’t see them in the dark.

God, she needed a shower. He’d usually been a pretty deep sleeper, from what she remembered, so she should be able to shower in the unlockable bathroom with transparent glass shower doors without showing all her bits to him.

Thankfully, she’d brought her travel size shower supplies, so she got through her shower routine as fast as she possibly could— condition, shave, wash face, brush hair, rinse, shampoo, wash body, rinse. It took her longer without a handheld showerhead, though. She’d only just turned the shower off and was in the process of drying her hair with a towel when she heard footsteps on the carpet, then the tile. She froze, scrambling to unravel the towel from her hair so as to hide her body from this man she absolutely did not want to see her naked, not again.

But there he was, staring at her with his mouth wide open, seemingly unable to fully comprehend the changes pregnancy had put her body through— stretch marks on her stomach, mostly. Those were the main thing. Her hands were still up on the towel, in the middle of trying to pull it from her hair so she could cover herself.

“Lea,” he breathed, eyes wide, “you look…”

Fat, her mind supplied for him. Disgusting, short, pale, unnecessarily freckled, and covered in stretch marks.

Giving up with the towel, she crossed one leg over the other to hide what little he could see of that area from him, her arms crossing over her breasts to cover them as best she could despite their fullness.

He took a step closer, his gaze raking over her skin still, but when she spoke, he froze. “Stay there,” she demanded hoarsely, very clearly trying not to cry.

Tim frowned, holding his hands up defensively. “Okay,” he agreed. “I’ll stay here. Provided you tell me why you’re crying, that is.”

She shook her head, reaching out with one hand to grab the robe that hung outside the shower, snatching it off the hook as quick as lightning and using it to cover her torso, shielding herself from his gaze.

“Look, I’ll— I’ll turn around, okay?” He did so, and she quickly wrapped the robe around herself, tying it so tightly it actually hurt her waist a bit. It was far too long for her, trailing on the wet shower tiles as she stepped out, finally removing the towel from her hair and hanging it back up so it could dry.

“Are… are you decent?” Tim asked, sounding suspiciously like he was grinning.

“In a manner of speaking,” she told him. “Are you laughing at me?”

He spun on his heel, and she noticed for the first time that he was in his boxers, good god. His chest was more defined than she remembered it, and she wanted to stare at the V between his hipbones for hours. Instead, she turned her gaze away, hoping he’d write off the way she was flushing as both the aftermath of a hot shower and the humiliation of him seeing her.

“I still don’t understand what made you cry,” he informed her.

She sniffed. “I just… teared up a little, that’s all. It’s not a big deal.”

“If you cried because of me, it’s a big deal,” he said firmly.

Lea rolled her eyes impatiently. “I’ve cried because of you more times than I can count. It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” She moved past him, going to retrieve some clean clothes from her duffel bag, which he’d moved to the couch in the bedroom.

He sighed, switching on one of the bedside lamps so the room was cast in a soft, warm glow. “We should talk about this.”

“We have talked about it,” she reminded him. “There’s nothing more to talk about. I don’t have anything else to say.”

He was silent for a few moments, sitting on the bed and staring at her. “You haven’t said yes. You haven’t agreed to marry me yet.”

“That’s true,” Lea agreed, nodding, sliding the gorgeous sapphire ring off her finger and putting it on the bedside table with no small amount of regret. “The reason being that I’m not going to. I have no intention of having another few months of happiness only for you to destroy me again. Sorry.”

She turned to leave the room and get dressed, but he grabbed her hand, pulling her towards him. She yelped, stumbling a bit, and he caught her, settling her on the bed next to him.

Lea was glaring fiercely at him for that move when he said, “I’m going to tell you something, and I need you to listen. I need you to believe me. Can you do that for me?”

She pursed her lips and wrinkled her nose. “I’ll try,” she finally decided.

He smiled softly at her, taking both of her hands in his. “Lea,” he began softly, “I’m in love with you.” She rolled her eyes, so he rushed on, “And I know I’ve said that before, but I want to explain something to you, so you understand exactly what I mean. Okay?”

She narrowed her eyes suspiciously at him, but nodded nonetheless.

He took a deep breath. “So… I had never been in love before I met you. I thought I had, but I hadn’t. I think… I think I did love Crystal and some of the others, in a way. But I wasn’t in love with them, if that makes sense.” She nodded, encouraging him to continue. “I didn’t really understand what it was to be in love. What I felt for you developed so quickly and so strongly that it took me awhile to fully grasp what I was feeling, and I think it took you leaving for it to click in my head, but for me, being in love with you means that as long as I can have you, I don’t want to be with anybody else.”

It wasn’t until he cupped her cheek and brushed her tears away with his thumb that it occurred to her that she’d been crying.

“I’ve missed you,” Tim went on. “I’ve missed holding you, kissing you, touching you. I’ve missed the way your hair smells and the lotion you use on your hands. I’ve missed the way you run your fingers through my hair when you kiss me. I’ve missed the way you look at me, like you understand me in ways nobody else does. I’ve missed holding you at night and waking up next to you. I’ve missed those breathy little moans you make when I first start rubbing your clit and the way you hold me against you when I suck on your nipples. I’ve missed your smile, your laugh. Without you, I’m…” he trailed off for a moment. “I don’t know what I am, but I know I don’t feel whole if your hand isn’t in mine.”

She wiped her tears away swiftly, determined to settle this once and for all. “Tim,” she addressed him firmly, and he met her gaze without hesitation. “Are you absolutely certain that you don’t need anyone else as long as you have me?”

“I’m positive,” he said emphatically. “Look, if— if you want, I’ll sign a prenup so if I cheat or go back on this, you get everything. That’s how sure I am.”

She sighed, leaning back on her hands. “You don’t have to do that.”

“If that’s what it takes to make you feel secure enough to be with me, it’s exactly what I have to do.” He paused before continuing, “Truthfully, I think if you had told me that first night that the only way I could have you is if it was just you—“

“You would not have left Crystal just because a girl you liked wanted you for herself,” she insisted firmly, trying to be realistic. One of them had to be, she figured.

“No,” he admitted, “I wouldn’t have. Not at first. But if you had asked me to, I’d have ended things with everyone but you. Crystal, too. It would’ve…” He grimaced. “It would’ve taken awhile for me to be sure I was okay with that, with ending my marriage to her in order to be with you, but I think after knowing you wanted me, too, and that I could have you if only I wasn’t with anyone else…” he trailed off briefly. “I would’ve ended it with her after thinking about it, yes. I wanted you that badly, even then.”

Tears filled her eyes. “R— really?”

He nodded. “Yeah. I remember standing next to you and feeling content, like I finally had everything I needed. That everything else—everyone else—was just extra. You’ve always been everything I wanted.” A pause. “I meant what I said about the prenup, by the way. If that’s what it takes for me to have you again, I’ll do it.”

Lea shook her head. “No, I mean… I know you. I know you’re being honest. Knowing that is enough.”

“Are you saying…?”

“If you really feel that way,” she said slowly, wanting him to fully understand what she was trying to say, “if you really do want me and no one else, if you’re certain I’m what you’ve always needed, then yeah. I’ll agree to whatever it is you’re wanting.”

He immediately snatched the ring back off the bedside table and slid it back on her finger, lifting her hand to kiss it gently. He smiled a bit. “Told you you’d agree to marry me.”

Lea pursed her lips. “Yes,” she admitted, “but you were wrong about how long it would take for me to give into you sexually. It’s been well over two and a half hours.”

“Ah,'' he said with a smirk, “but you haven’t been awake for two hours, now have you?”

Lea glared at him, then looked away, digging her big toe into the soft carpeted floors. “I don’t think you’d really… y’know. Enjoy it. Not anymore. Not with me, anyway.”

The arm Tim had been in the process of wrapping around her waist froze. “Why in the hell would you think that?”

“Well,” she began uncomfortably, “you saw me. You saw what I look like now. I’m—“

“Really fucking hot,” he finished for her.

“Wait, what?” Lea sputtered in surprise.

“You’re really fucking hot,” he repeated helpfully.

She stared at him. “But my stomach is bigger now.”

He nodded. “More to watch jiggle when I fuck you. Sexy.”

“I have stretch marks,” she pointed out.

Tim laughed outright at that. “There’s nothing wrong with stretch marks, first of all,” he informed her, “and second, you got them from carrying my child. I can’t think of anything sexier than your belly swollen with my baby, your tits full of milk. Fuck, I can’t believe I missed out on that.” He clenched his eyes shut for a moment before opening them again. “It’s fine,” he decided. “It’s fine. We’ll have more.”

“More?” she squeaked. “You… you want more?”

“Of course I want more!” he exclaimed, as if the mere idea that they might not have more children was downright offensive. “Look, ideally, you’d be pregnant as frequently as possible. I either want to be fucking a baby into you or watching you swell up with one. You can work occasionally if you want, sure, but what I really want is to keep you in bed all the time.”

“You told me that before,” she recalled. “You said you wanted me to belong to you in every way possible.”

Tim whined, looking away from her. “Lea, sweetheart,” he began patiently, “you can’t stay stuff like that if you don’t want me to jump you.”

Flushing, she forced her attention back to what they had been discussing. “I really do look different,” she reminded him. “You’re sure you don’t mind?”

He shrugged. “You don’t look that different, but no. I really don’t care. Like. At all. I find you ridiculously sexy. In fact…” He trailed a hand up where the robe had revealed a sliver of her thigh. “When you asked me to help you with your bra earlier, all I could think was how badly I wanted to see every inch of your skin. And then I got to, and everything in me was screaming to pin you against the wall and make you moan my name.”

“Tim,” she hesitated, “I don’t know if we should—“

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to,” he rushed. “I want you to want me as much as I want you.”

Lea fidgeted with one of her curls, water from her shower dripping onto her robe. “It’s… it’s not that,” she told him anxiously.

“Then what is it, my love?” he pleaded, taking her hand in his. “Don’t you want me to hold you again?”

“You already know how I feel, you smug bastard,” she reminded him, a small, teasing smile on her face.

“Well,” Tim hedged, “you haven’t said it explicitly, so…”

That was true, she realized. She hadn’t told him how she felt. At least, she recalled with an embarrassed flush, not while fully conscious.

Lea closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “You’re sure you’re in love with me?” she clarified. “You’re never going to want anyone else?”

“I am desperately in love with you,” he corrected, and she glanced at him. “And it’s strange, but I think with you in particular, I’ve always been monogamous on some level. Even when we were together before, I didn’t want anyone else touching you.”

“But you were fine touching other girls,” she said flatly.

“Yes,” he admitted slowly, trying to decide on the right words, “but in retrospect, I didn’t really feel the need to. As long as I have you, I don’t need anyone else. I don’t know if that’s specific to you or if I’m just straight up monogamous, but I absolutely want to be with just you.”

Lea nodded, closing her eyes again. “Okay,” she said, exhaling slowly. “Okay. Alright.” She was trying to prepare herself for what she was about to say, what she was about to admit to him, and she wasn’t sure she’d ever be ready. Still, though, he wanted to hear it. Maybe he needed to hear it. “I never got over you,” she finally forced out, the words rushed and blending together. “I never stopped loving you or wanting to be with you. I hated you—god, I hated you—, but truthfully, all I really wanted was to be yours again.”

He squeezed her hand. “You’ve always been mine.”

She nodded, still keeping her eyes tightly shut. “If you love me,” she began shakily, “if you’re certain you’re in love with me, you should know I’m in love with you, too.”

“I know, angel,” he murmured, brushing a few strands of damp hair behind her ear, “but it’s so good to hear you say it.”

She leaned into his touch, wanting more of him, to feel his skin against hers again.

“Lea,” he whispered into the darkness of the room, “can I kiss you, love? Please?”

“I think I’ll die if you don’t,” she confessed, and then he was on her. His hands were in her hair, his tongue was in her mouth, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer.

Before long, he was kissing her throat wetly, panting, “I— missed— you— so— fucking— much—“ between kisses, his fingers tugging on the unnecessarily tight knot she’d tied the robe closed with.

As soon as he got it open, he slid his hand between her thighs to rub her. “Jesus, Tim,” she exclaimed in surprise. “You’re going very fast here.”

“Yeah, well,” he breathed, nipping her neck lightly, “foreplay is for people who haven’t waited three goddamn years to make love to their soulmate again.”

Something about the term he’d used was hilarious for inexplicable reasons. Lea snorted, then giggled.

Tim pulled back, frowning. “Are you laughing at me?”

“I’m sorry,” she said, still giggling, “it’s just that term—“

“What term?” he asked, exasperated.

“Make love,” she said, using air quotes and mimicking his voice by dropping her own before snorting again. “I dunno why, it’s just… it’s silly-sounding to me.”

“Well,” he began, sliding the robe from her shoulders, “what would you like me to call it?”

She shrugged. “Not that, I guess.”

Tim hummed, cupping her breasts and kissing her neck again, gently pushing her down on the bed and looking down at her through the curls that had fallen in front of his eyes. “How about…” he paused, watching her face as he tweaked her nipple lightly. “Fucking? Would you prefer I tell you that I’m going to, oh, I dunno.” He smirked, trailing a hand up her thigh to rub lightly at her clit. “Hold your hips down and lick your pussy until you’re begging me for it? Is that what you wanna hear?” Lea whimpered, and she felt his smirk against her skin as he plunged two fingers inside her then, continuing, “Nobody else could please you like I can, could they, baby?” She shook her head wordlessly, her mouth falling open as he curled his fingers, continuing to rub her clit. “I thought not.” He kissed her neck again. “My poor angel, without a cock to fill her up for so long. Your fingers are no good, are they?”

“Yours are… longer,” she gasped, rolling her hips and gripping the sheets so tightly her knuckles turned white. “God, that feels good—“

“So you’d be satisfied with just my fingers, then?” he teased lightly, leaning down to kiss the tops of her breasts.

“No,” Lea admitted. “No, I want…” She bit her lip, eyeing where he was tenting in his boxers for her. It had been a long time, and she was nervous as all hell, but she loved him, and he loved her, too, so she reached out and touched him lightly through the fabric.

This seemed to spur him on, because he groaned, leaning down to kiss her hungrily as he curled his fingers and thumbed her clit.

“You’re so wet for me,” he gasped into her open mouth. “Fuck, I wanna lick you. Can I lick you, baby?”

“Anything you want,” she promised, wanting to please him more than she wanted anything in the world.

The second she’d agreed, he grabbed her thigh and hooked her knee over his shoulder. “Want your pussy, that’s what I fuckin’ want,” he muttered before licking a long strip up her slit before kissing her clit softly. He smiled at her sharp intake of breath, nosing at her core affectionately and grinning up at her.

Lea smiled back at him shakily, and then he pulled his fingers out, curling them when he slid them back into her, circling his tongue around her clit, barely touching her skin at all.

“Tim,” she moaned, throwing her head back against the mattress, “can I— can I touch you, please? I wanna—“

“Mhm,” he hummed into her, and she gasped at the way he was making her very blood vibrate, her hands flying into his hair the second she registered the permission he’d given her so as to hold him to her. He laughed softly at her eagerness. “My greedy girl,” he growled, holding her leg firmly so it wouldn’t move from his shoulder as he continued thrusting in and out of her.

When Tim flicked his tongue over her clit, her back arched off the bed and she moaned loudly. “Fuck,” she gasped. “Fuck, please don’t stop, please don’t stop—“

He hummed again, lapping at her expertly, and she clenched her fists in his hair, her chest heaving as he brought her closer and closer.

“Timothée,” she moaned desperately. “God, you’re gonna make me cum, you’re gonna make me cum, please, I want it so bad—“

It was likely her words that made him decide to close his lips around her clit and suck on it gently, just the way he remembered she liked, continuing to rub it with the tip of his tongue and thrust his fingers in and out of her. She bucked her hips against his face as she orgasmed, moaning his name.

Her body was still pulsing with the aftershocks of the absolutely mindblowing release he’d just given her when she felt him pull away from her body, gently putting her leg back down on the bed.

God, she’d cum so fast! It wasn’t like she didn’t have the occasional orgasm or anything (usually in the shower with the bathroom door locked while she remembered things like the exact thing that had just occurred), but she’d forgotten how ridiculously strong the ones he gave her were. If the orgasms she gave herself were like the tide—gentle and steady and expected—, then the ones Tim gave her were like a tsunami tearing through her body with unrelenting force.

But still, it was way too fast to be acceptable, in her opinion, and she subsequently threw an arm over her eyes, her face flaming in humiliation at the effect he had on her.

“What’s wrong, baby?“ Tim asked gently, and she felt the bed dip as he sat down next to her. “Are you alright?”

Lea grimaced. “Just… embarrassed.”

He leaned down, kissing her ring swiftly. “What do you have to be embarrassed about, my love?”

Her blush deepened at the pet name, and Lea covered her face with both hands. “I came so fast,” she whined.

He was silent for a few seconds, and then he burst out laughing.

Lowering her hands, she glared up at him with a frown. “It’s not funny!”

“I’m sorry,” he giggled, smiling down at her adoringly. “I’m not laughing at you, I promise. You’re just so cute and I love you so much. And there’s no such thing as you cumming too fast, anyway.”

Lea pursed her lips at him. “Okay,” she finally decided.

“Good girl,” he praised with a smirk. Then, a thought seemed to occur to him. “Do you have any pictures of yourself when you were pregnant?”

Lea thought for a moment. “Probably, why?”

His grin widened. “‘Cause I wanna see.”

Lea rolled her eyes. “Get me my phone, then.”

He immediately bent over the side of the bed to retrieve her purse from beneath the bedside table and presented her with her phone once he’d located it.

Lea sighed, propping herself up on her elbow and wincing at the bright screen contrasting against the low light of the room. Once her eyes adjusted, she skimmed over her missed texts and sighed, signaling to Tim that she needed a second.

She had a text from her mom, asking her to please let her know she was alright as soon as possible (which Lea promptly did and then said goodnight), but the rest of her notifications were from her group chat entitled The Squad, which consisted of her sisters, Sam, and Livvy.

Ari

omfg ur so right theyre def bangin rn

Lina

I still can’t believe she just left with him tbh.

Sam

Dafaq you on about bro I bet they’re literally fucking as we speak

Lina

You guys are gross, I don’t wanna think about that!

Livvy

No, no. They’re right. Sorry lol

Lea groaned in annoyance at their nosiness.

Lea

Guys literally shut up stop blowing up my phone ffs I’ll tell you stuff later

Promptly putting her phone on do not disturb, Lea opened Instagram and scrolled through her account (which had long since been made private).

She scrolled back a bit too far, accidentally landing on a picture when she was smiling next to Livvy and holding a newborn Cassie at the hospital.

Tim narrowed his eyes at it in surprise. “Shit, you— you were there?”

“Yeah,” she said. “I was there when she was born. Didn’t leave the hospital until you texted her your plane had landed.”

He frowned, looking genuinely upset at that. “I wish I’d have looked for you when I visited before.”

She shook her head, scrolling up. “I wouldn’t have let you find me. Being friends with Livvy made avoiding you incredibly easy. I always knew where you’d be.” Then, she landed on a picture of herself standing with Livvy, baby Cassie, and her sisters. They were in front of a carousel covered in Christmas lights, equally decorated trees surrounding them. “This was at Winterfest that November. I was a little over six months along.”

Tim took her phone from her, scrolling up again. “What’s this?” he asked, showing her a picture of herself standing in her mom’s house, next to a stroller with a large bow on top.

“My baby shower.”

“You look exhausted,” he observed. “Were you not sleeping?”

Lea grimaced, taking her phone back from him. “That’s the last one before Theo was born. But— yeah, I slept, but I wasn’t exactly comfortable or, y’know. Happy.”

“Happy?” he clarified, looking genuinely concerned now. “I’d like to see pictures of Theo when he was a baby at some point, by the way.”

“Oh, uh, sure,” she agreed awkwardly. “And, well. I’d just gotten my heart ripped out by the only person I’d ever been in love with.”

Tim’s face fell. “Lea,” he said softly. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart, I… I hate that I hurt you so much.”

She sat up fully and, trying to make him feel a bit better, joked, “Maybe it wasn’t you. Maybe it was someone else.”

He froze, surprised. And then he frowned a bit. “That’s weird, I know you’re joking, but I’m pretty sure I got jealous for a second there.”

Lea grinned, knowing full well that jealousy was something he was unused to. “Really?”

“Yes,” he nodded. “I knew I didn’t want you with anyone but me, that I wanted you all to myself, but… Jesus, is this how you felt all the time back then?”

Shooting him a tight and slightly sarcastic smile, she nodded. “Yeah, dude. Literally all the time.” Then she tilted her head to the side in thought, considering. “Well, okay. I usually forgot about it when you were kissing me and stuff. But the rest of the time, yeah.”

He looked at her skeptically. “You felt slightly murderous and heartbroken whenever I wasn’t kissing you? Seriously?”

She nodded again. “Yup.”

“Fuck, Lea,” he groaned, raking a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know I was making you feel like that.”

“I know you didn’t,” she assured him, smiling softly and taking his hand in hers. “I’ve always known you didn’t wanna hurt me. Even when I convinced myself I hated you, I could never convince myself that you’d hurt someone on purpose.”

He wrapped his arms around her, burying his face in her partially damp curls. “I hate that you hated me.”

“I didn’t,” she admitted. “Not really, anyway. I worked very hard to tell myself otherwise, though.”

“I’m sorry I made you feel like you had to do that,” he mumbled against her hair. “I never hated you, y’know. I just wanted you back.”

Lea nestled against his bare chest, inhaling his scent and focusing on his warmth. “I wanted you back, too.”

“Okay,” he decided, pulling back from her and snatching her phone up again. He held it in front of her face so it unlocked and then opened up a new message.

“What’re you doing?” she asked, leaning over to watch him type out a text and then put in a phone number before hitting the send button.

“Giving myself your new number. I probably could find that voicemail, but I’d rather have something less…” He winced. “Depressing.”

Tim handed her phone back, and she looked at the message he’d sent—she’d still had his contact saved, had never been able to bring herself to delete it. She hadn’t even blocked him from the new number—and laughed.

Hi this is your future wife

“That’s the text you chose to send yourself?”

He leaned down, nuzzling the side of her face. “Of course.”

“You’re lucky I love you as much as I do,” she giggled. “You are way too confident.”

“With how fast I made you cum earlier, I think I earned it,” he said cheekily.

She gasped, her mouth falling open. “Timothée! Are you sure you’re twenty-nine and not twelve?”

He smirked. “I like when you say my name. Prefer it when you’re moaning it, though. And yes, I’m sure that I am definitely not twelve.”

She rolled her eyes, crossing her arms. “Uh huh.”

His gaze fell to her breasts, pushed together by her arms, and he stared for a moment before declaring, “Okay, may I please have sex with my ridiculously sexy fiancée?”

Lea laughed again. “I’m not allowed to refuse you, am I?” She trailed her hand up the muscles of his chest flirtatiously, biting her lip to fight back her anxiousness. “Y’know, since I’m your sex slave and all that.”

Tim appeared to stop breathing entirely at that, staring at her with wide eyes. After a few seconds of her tracing his collarbone with her fingertips, he grabbed her wrist, yanking her towards him, and kissed her hungrily.

“No,” he confirmed lowly against her lips, his voice almost a growl. “You’re right, you don’t get to refuse me. You’ll take my cock like the good little slut you are, and you’ll thank me for it.”

“Yes,” she gasped out, leaning closer to kiss him. “Yes, I’m yours, use me however you want—“

He pulled back, gripping her jaw firmly. “Lea,” he said darkly, his gaze intense on hers. “I was destroyed when you left me.” He took a moment to let his words register. “You’ll never do it again.”

“I’m marrying you, stupid,” she reminded him.

Tim’s grip tightened, his eyes swirling with lust. “Don’t talk back,” he corrected. “Just nod and say you understand.”

“I understand,” she told him with an obedient nod.

“Good girl.” He released her jaw kissing the reddened skin gently. “I’ll take such good care of you if you behave for me, Lea.”

“What do I have to do?” she asked breathily.

“All you have to do,” he began, trailing his hands up her bare sides, “is let me fuck you whenever I want.” She was already nodding emphatically when he tilted his head, considering something. “You looked so sad in those pictures from when you were pregnant.”

“I didn’t have you,” she pointed out.

“Yes,” Tim agreed with a nod, “but you have me now. And I don’t intend to miss out on seeing you pregnant this time.” He shoved her to the mattress roughly. “That’s another thing I want you to do for me: travel with me when you can, let me have you whenever I want, and let me fuck a baby into you. As many times as I want.”

“As many times as you want,” she agreed immediately, nodding firmly. “I’m— I’m on birth control.”

He shrugged. “Not anymore, you’re not,” he told her simply. “I intend to keep you pregnant most of the time.”

“H— how many, uh…”

He turned slightly and got up onto his knees for a second, pushing his boxers down and off before kicking them off the bed. “At least four,” he declared cheerfully. “Maybe five.”

Lea’s head spun. “That’s. That’s a lot of kids.”

“Yeah,” he agreed, turning back to her, “but you’ll give me that if I want it.”

“Yes,” she admitted, mesmerized by his cock. It was even more perfect than in her memories— long and thick and beading precum at the tip and god did she want it in her mouth.

Tim must’ve seen the way she was eyeing it, practically drooling from wanting him so desperately, because he chuckled softly at her. “Next time, angel,” he assured her.

She pouted up at him. “But I want to now.”

“I know.” He leaned down and took her chin between his thumb and forefinger to hold her steady before kissing her. “But you’ll be good for me, won’t you? You’ll let me do whatever I like with you?”

“Yes,” Lea grumbled, feeling somewhat frustrated she wasn’t allowed to suck his dick then and there.

“Don’t pout, babydoll,” he scolded gently, crawling on top of her and caging her in with his arms. “I’ll let you use that pretty little mouth mouth on me as much as you like later, okay? For now, though, I need to be inside you.”

“Okay,” she conceded.

“C’mon, sweetheart.” Tim cupped her cheek, leaning down to kiss her softly. “You know how good it makes you feel.”

“I don’t really remember how it feels,” she admitted, a bit embarrassed. “I remember loving it and wanting more but the actual physical sensations, I can’t remember exactly.”

“That’s okay,” Tim breathed, kneeing her legs apart so he could settle between them, “I’ll take great pleasure in reminding you.”

Lea didn’t remember what sex felt like, that was true, but she was very quickly relearning what felt like to need him inside her so badly she thought she might die without him.

“Lea?” he asked, her name a breath in the quiet of the room. “Will you… will you tell me you love me?”

Smiling up at him adoringly, she cupped his face with one hand, the other wrapping around his slender back. “I love you.”

As a reward, he lined himself up, nudging her entrance teasingly, and she spread her legs wider, needing him, aching for him. “Again,” he prompted. “Tell me again.”

“I love you, Timothée.”

“I love you, too,” he murmured. “I am very, very much in love with you. It’s…” He hesitated for a moment. “It’s a little scary, actually. Giving your heart to someone.”

Lea smiled softly at him. “I know. But it’s safe with me.”

He kissed her then, and she threaded her fingers into his hair, kissing him back as he began to push into her.

She inhaled sharply, and Tim’s mouth fell slightly open. “You’re so tight,” he groaned. “God, you’re— you’re as tight as you were the first time, how—“

“I haven’t been with anyone else, remember?” she forced out, wincing at the stretch. She really had forgotten how it felt, apparently. He was so large that she half-thought he was going to split her in two.

“Are you alright?” he asked urgently, searching her face. “Am I hurting you? Do you want me to stop?”

“I’ll be fine,” she assured him. “You’re just… you’re bigger than I remembered.”

Tim traced the lines of her face with gentle fingertips, watching her closely. “But you don’t want to stop?”

“No,” she confirmed. “Just give me a minute to adjust.”

He pushed the rest of the way in slowly, paying close attention to her expression. By the time he was all the way inside her, he was panting against the flushed skin of her neck, his hands running up and down her bare sides.

“I missed this with you,” he breathed, the words tight from the effort it took him not to take her the way he really wanted, not to rock his hips against hers at all. “I missed seeing you beneath me this way, feeling your skin against mine.”

“I did, too,” she told him, smiling up at him shakily. “I just wish I was more used to it. Or that you were a bit smaller.”

Tim chuckled, nuzzling her affectionately. “I think the issue is more that you’re too small.”

“I’m normal sized,” she corrected, shifting her hips to see if the discomfort had indeed lessened or if it was just that she was used to him when he stayed still. “You’re just… freakishly large in every way aside from being so skinny.”

“I dunno,” he hummed against her lips as he kissed her softly, slowly. “I think I’ve filled out a bit more since you saw me last. Don’t think I didn’t notice you staring.”

“Hmm.” Lea returned his kiss, sliding her hands up his chest. “I stared at you as you were when we first met,” she pointed out, moving to grasp his biceps, which were indeed a bit larger than she remembered. “I loved you when you were even more of a stick than you are now.”

“Oh, I’m a stick, am I?” he growled as she shifted her hips again. “Lea, baby girl, if you don’t want me to pin your hips down and fuck you hard enough to bruise you, stay still.”

“Yeah,” she confirmed, running her fingers over his ribcage. “You’re a stick. I can feel your ribs. I can literally feel your hipbones digging into my thighs right now.” He frowned, glancing down between them, but then she cupped his cheek and whispered, “And it’s really, really, ridiculously sexy.”

“Oh, fucking hell,” he groaned, burying his face in the curls pooled around her neck. “I love how into me you are.”

“I’m more than into you,” she breathed, looping her arms around his neck and pulling him closer. “I’m obsessed with you.”

“Baby,” Tim whined. “Please, my angel, I need to— can I just—“

He didn’t need to complete his statement, his desperate pleas. She knew what he wanted. “Yes, Timothée. Show me who I belong to. I’m yours. Prove it to me, please.”

He did reach down to grasp her hip then, his fingers digging into her sensitive skin as he sucked her neck, pulling out of her, only the tip of him remaining. His other hand wrapped around her neck, just under her jaw, and he growled, “Beg me. Beg for my dick. You want me to fuck you? You wanna be my pretty little cockslut, a hole for me to use, to fill with my cum until you’re swollen with my child?”

“Yes,” she gasped, practically writhing beneath him.

“Then fucking beg for it,” he demanded. “I’ll keep your desperate, slutty little pussy full, tie you to my bed so I can use you whenever I want, keep you pregnant all the fucking time. You’re only good for three things: making me happy, being used for my pleasure, and bearing my children. You know that’s what you’re for.”

“I’m yours,” she moaned desperately. “God, I’m yours. I need it, I need it, use me however you I want, I need you to put a baby inside of me, please—“

“Aww,” he cooed, thrusting in half an inch and nothing more, just a tease. “I know you do, angel. I know it’s all you need. You’ll be a good girl for me, won’t you? Let me dress my pretty baby up, take care of her so she doesn’t have to work?”

“How could I work if I never leave your side?” she whimpered, running her hands over his chest and arms again.

“That’s my girl,” Tim growled, gripping below her jaw with one hand, the other kneading the soft flesh at her hip before thrusting into her punishingly. “You’ll either be pregnant or letting me drink your milk whenever I want.” She moaned, relishing the rough pace he’d set. “You’ll have to get used to sleeping with your tits in my mouth.”

She kissed him, threading her fingers into his hair. “Yes,” she told him, the words an exhalation into his mouth. “I want that. I want it.”

“I know how sore your tits must’ve gotten without me there to suck on them,” he told her, holding her hips down as he fucked into her.

“They were,” Lea agreed vehemently, nodding, though the moment was jerky with how rough his thrusts were. “They were swollen and aching.”

“Not this time,” he promised. “This time, they’ll never be so full they hurt. I’ll suck these perfect fucking tits so much I’ll have to take you with me everywhere.”

“Yes,” she moaned, lifting her pelvis to meet his. “God, Timothée, yes—“

“That’s my girl,” he growled, slamming into her so harshly she wondered—she hoped—that he might bruise her. “Such a fuckin’ whore for it, aren’t you? Three goddamn years without a cock in you, no wonder you’re so needy now.” He paused momentarily, considering. “Though you’ve always been needy in this regard.”

“I don’t mean to be,” Lea insisted, fisting her hands in the sheets.

“Oh, but I like it,” he crooned, nipping her neck, just above the necklace. “I fuckin’ love how much you want this. I use you like a sex slave and all you seem to want, no matter what I give you, is more.”

“I’ll always want more of you, Timothée,” she promised, arching into him as he fucked her harder, faster, claiming her as his, reminding her that this was for life.

“Can’t wait to marry you,” he grunted, sitting up on his knees and pulling her with him by the hips. He held her in place, her lower body in midair, and slammed into her so hard she jolted. “Can’t wait to make you my wife, fuck—“

Feeling a bit salty despite all the pleasure he was lavishing upon her, she asked snarkily, “Am I going to be the same sort of wife your last one was?”

Tim outright growled at that. “No,” he told her, snapping his pelvis into hers. “No, you won’t. If you fuck another man, I might just kill him. You are mine.”

That was exactly what she’d wanted to hear. “God,” she gasped out as he fucked her even harder, impossibly harder. “As if anyone could ever compare to you anyway, fuck—“

He chuckled. “You like it, don’t you, angel?” When she nodded wordlessly, her eyes glazed over from how good he was making her feel, he demanded, “Then tell me. Tell me you like it. Tell me how much. Tell me you love me.”

“Love you,” Lea moaned, clawing at the mattress desperately. “Love your cock, love the way you fuck me, god, Timothée, more—“

“You’re lucky I love you, makes me wanna give you whatever you want, even if you are a greedy little cockslut.”

“I am, I am,” she nodded vigorously, relishing the way his fingers dig into the flesh of her hips hard enough to bruise.

“You love being fucked, don’t you, mon amour?” he crooned, his voice far gentler than the way he took her.

“By you, Timothée,” she clarified on another moan. “Only by you.”

He hummed, pleased with this. “That’s ��cause no one else could satisfy you. No one can fuck you like I can, and you know it.”

“Just you,” Lea whimpered. “All I want is you, fuck— fuck, don’t stop, don’t stop—“

“You need to fuckin’ cum, I bet,” Tim smirked. “Feel your needy little pussy clenching around me.”

“Yes,” she pleaded desperately. “I need it, I need you to make me cum. Please—“

“Swear you’ll never leave me again,” he growled. “Promise me you’ll never run from me again, try to escape this. Not again.”

“I promise,” she said without the slightest bit of hesitation. “I wanna spend the rest of my life with you, Timothée.”

“Yes,” he agreed, slamming into her and making her body scoot just a tiny bit forward across the mattress with every thrust. “You will. I’ll never be without my baby girl again. Never.” He was silent for a second, watching her face as he considered his next words. “And if you run from me again,” he finally continued, “it doesn’t fucking matter. I’ll find you. I’ll bring you back to me. I’ll keep you with me until the fucking stars burn out. You will never get away from me, never escape this.”

“I don’t wanna escape this,” Lea insisted. “I want you to use me. I want to be yours. I’ve always wanted it.”

He grinned down at her. “Good thing you are, then, huh?”

“Yes,” she gasped, arching her back when he hit a particularly deep spot inside her. “God, you’re so deep, don’t stop—“

“You’re gonna make me cum if you keep clenching around me like that, baby,” he warned.

“Why is that a bad thing?” Lea wanted to know. “I want your cum. I want you to fill me up.”

“You’ll take what I give you,” he growled, snapping his hips against her. “You don’t get my cum until you cum all over my cock.”

Eager to have him filling her, to have his cum dripping out of her, she reached between her legs to rub herself.

Tim dropped her on the bed, the abrupt change in her body’s position causing him to withdraw from her almost entirely, and he immediately reached down and swatted her hand away. “No,” he snapped. She whined, her clit throbbing with anticipation. “You don’t get to make yourself cum. Not unless I say so.”

“May I?” she pleaded needily, bracing her feet on the mattress and lifting her hips to meet his every thrust.

“No,” he hissed lowly. “I spent three years, three fucking years, wanting you and dreaming of you and aching for you. If you cum with me inside you now, it’ll be because I made you. Because I let you.”

“Yes, Timothée,” she told him obediently. “May I— may I touch you, please?”

“You can touch me, angel,” he murmured, leaning down to kiss her neck and cup her breasts, squeezing them roughly as he continued to drive into her. “You can touch me as much as you want.”

Lea ran her hands over his chest, then up his back and into his hair. “I love you,” she whimpered. “I love you, Tim.”

He leaned down to kiss her hungrily, saying, “I love you, too, baby,” into her mouth. “I love you so much. God, I wanna make you cum.”

“Yes, please,” she begged, desperate for him to grant her release.

He reached between them to rub her clit in swift, harsh swipes, and she knew she wasn’t going to last very long at all. “My gorgeous girl,” he groaned, mouthing at her neck. “My love, my Lea. Cum for me. Let me feel you, mon amour.”

Her nails bit into the muscles of his shoulder, her body arching against his so her nipples grazed his chest, and then she came with a moan of his name, spasming around him.

“So perfect,” he grunted, his teeth lightly grazing her throat. “So tight, so wet, so perfect for me. I love you, I love you, fuck I’m gonna cum—“

She turned her head slightly so as to kiss his neck with a soft murmur of, “Inside me, please. I want you to fill me.”

Tim groaned at that, his hands reaching up to grip her hair firmly, and he came, panting and open-mouthed against her skin.

They lay there for several minutes, trying to catch their breath. She stroked his back idly, her eyes closed in blissful mindlessness, and he nuzzled into her hair.

“That was amazing,” he finally told her with a swift kiss to her neck. “I missed you so, so much.”

Lea tightened her arms around him. “I missed you, too.”

He pushed away from her with a groan, slipping out of her, and she inhaled sharply at the change in sensation. He kissed her forehead briefly before standing and moving out of the room. She heard a faucet turn on from the bathroom, it sounded like, and a few seconds after it had turned back off, he was back by the side of the bed, cleaning gently between her legs. He then took off the necklace and put it on the bedside table.

“Thank you,” she mumbled, feeling exhausted again already despite the fact that she’d only just woken up from a nap about an hour before. She could usually stay awake after making herself cum. She’d forgotten how worn out sex always made her. Or maybe it was just sex with him that wore her out. Orgasms given to her by Tim just hit different.

“Baby?” he asked quietly once he’d finished cleaning her.

“Mmm,” she hummed in acknowledgement.

“You’re… you’re not gonna change your mind from some post-orgasmic clarity that’s going to break my heart, are you?”

Lea opened her eyes at that. “No, Tim,” she assured him, reaching out to take his hand in hers. “I’m not gonna change my mind. I love you and I want to be with you.”

“Oh, thank god,” he groaned in relief, squeezing her hand so tightly it almost hurt. “I love you too much to lose you again.”

She hummed again, giving him a gentle smile. “Thought you said you’d just find me if I ran away.”

He flushed, staring at their joined hands, where their fingers were threaded together. “Yeah, I would,” he confirmed softly, “but I’d rather you stayed with me ‘cause you want this, too.”

Lea turned onto her side. “I do want this,” she told him with a yawn, “but what I want right now is to sleep. Come hold me, please?”

“Anything you want, my love,” he promised, eagerly climbing in next to her and spooning up behind her before pulling the covers over them both.

She smiled, nestling into the pillow. “I love you, Tim.”

He wrapped an arm around her bare waist, pulling her close against his equally bare chest. “I love you, too.”

She slept better than she’d ever slept in her life.

Yay! They’re back together! 🥰

Tag list: @meetmyothersouls @ellamaianderson @shika1200 @blackqueenstarseed1 @gatoenlaciudad @esmaada @mariaelizabeth21-blog1 @softhecreator @timolaurence @timmymyluv @oddlyenoughiamweird @leecrunchybones @s-we-e-t-t-ea @almostg @vampire-reanimator

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albertfinch · 1 year

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POSSESSING A SPIRITUAL MIND

To walk in overcoming victory we need a spiritual "brainwashing" to repent of "ungodly thinking." Our minds need to be thoroughly cleansed of the lies and filth of the world so we can put on the mind of Christ, learning to think as He thinks and to see as He sees. A cleansed and renewed mind will completely change our perception of life and the world around us.

The Spirit of God is calling each of us to a higher standard:

"...walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing Him, being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God" (Colossians 1:10).

This is not a season to be apathetic and loose about our lifestyles. We must pursue our destiny in Christ and God's purpose for our lives.

God calls all His people to a life of fruitfulness, which is the path to DISCIPLESHIP of others. As Paul writes: "Mark out a straight, smooth path for your feet so that those who follow you, though weak and lame will not fall and hurt themselves, but become strong." - Hebrews 12:13 (Living Bible)

It is time for us to lay everything on the altar and embrace the holy fire of God's presence! We must present a mind that is wholly consecrated to Him. Like David, our cry must be: "Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me" (Psalm 51:10). When we do, we will discover that the Lord transforms our worldly mind into a spiritual mind—His mind.

THE SPIRITUAL MIND

The apostle Paul contrasts the natural mind with the spiritual mind.

The natural mind, corrupted by sin, is dulled and darkened to spiritual things, however brilliant it may be in its own natural sphere. There are many intellectually brilliant people who haven't a clue regarding spiritual realities. They are "...always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth" (2 Timothy 3:7).

It takes a spiritual mind to comprehend spiritual truths. Paul goes so far as to say that it is impossible for the natural mind to comprehend the things of the Spirit:

"But the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned." 1 Corinthians 2:14

As contradictory as it may seem, many true children of God remain dominated, for the most part, by the laws of their natural or carnal minds.

One reason the Church struggles so much today, is because many Christians still think like the world, and thoughts give birth to actions.

BELIEVING IS SEEING

For example, some say, "I won't believe it until I see it." This is the exact opposite of a spiritual mindset.

The natural mind says, "If I see, I will believe." The spiritual mind says, "If I believe, I will see." Paul clearly recognized our desperate need for a Spirit-enlightened mind, praying:

"...that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give to you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Him, the eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that you may know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and what is the exceeding greatness of His power toward us who believe, according to the working of His mighty power." (Ephesians 1:17–19)

Only in His light can we see light (Psalm 36:9). We should cry out to God for spiritual eyes to see what we believe even as we seek each day to walk in the light of His revealed Word (Psalm 119:105).

No matter how intellectually brilliant we may be, we cannot understand even the simplest concepts of God without the enlightenment of the Holy Spirit (Ezekiel 36:26). The knowledge of spiritual things does not come by intellectual effort. Rather, it comes only by divine revelation. This is why, when Peter declared to Jesus, "'You are the Christ, the Son of the living God,' Jesus answered and said to him, 'Blessed are you, Simon Bar-Jonah, for flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but My Father who is in Heaven'" (Matthew 16:16–17).

WE HAVE THE MIND OF CHRIST

God's desire is for all His children to possess a spiritual mind and He has given us the capacity through the indwelling Holy Spirit (Nehemiah 9:20). What Jesus said to His disciples applies also to us: "Blessed are your eyes for they see, and your ears for they hear" (Matthew 13:16).

Do you want to cultivate your spiritual mind? Then immerse yourself in God's Word (Psalm 119:9). Pray for revelation and ask the Spirit of God to open your eyes to behold awesome things from heavenly realms (2 Kings 6:17). There is nothing wrong with intellectual knowledge and pursuit. God gave us our mind and expects us to use it. However, we should never depend upon mere human intellectual wisdom to advance us in the realm of the Holy Spirit (John 16:13).

ALBERT FINCH MINISTRY

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antorserper · 2 years

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I’ll Never Understand

I’ll never be able to understand how other people think and feel. And I don’t think anyone will or can understand how I feel. When my entire world, life and future was stolen from me, taken away in an instant. Without a reason. Without a cause. And I’m expected to just move on as if nothing has happened. As if everything I’ve know for the last 7 years of my life vanishes in an instant and that’s not something that should effect me. How can people do that? Do they just not feel? Do they not have emotions as I understand them? And in the reverse, I’ll never be able to comprehend how someone can spend a third of their life with someone and in an instant, forget them. Move on and be with someone else and be so totally happy and never even think about, or care about or have any feelings for that person. As if I never even existed. It’s just a feeling of worthlessness. That you could zero impact upon another person who you spend almost every day with for seven years to suddenly forget you. Have a new person and be so utterly happy as if they’ve lost nothing at all. Rather, that they gained something by erasing them from existence. I feel like a ghost. Some form of ethereal being that can’t affect or have an effect upon the world. To be so meaningless. And I’m not supposed to feel anything? I’m supposed to just be okay. I’m supposed to just move on with my life as if nothing happened? I’m not like anyone I’ve ever known. Everyone I know seems to just say, “well that’s done, move along and move on.” I might be a ghost but people like that are zombies. They may be able to affect and effect the physical world, but in truth they don’t feel anything. Maybe they just can’t. Maybe they refuse to. Or maybe I’m just some freak of nature that has no business existing. I’m a failed mutation that will die out when I die. And those same people will all forget me within days weeks or months.To know you’ve had no impact on the lives you’ve been a part of is a devastating feeling. It leaves you hollow and cold. It makes you wonder if you ever existed at all. Perhaps this is all just a dream, or maybe I’m just in a coma. Or maybe I’m in a computer program. Or maybe I’m some lab experiment to see how much emotion pain one human can endure before they completely break, fully snap inside and enter a form of living death. Not alive. Not dead. Just there. I truly hate life. It’s given me nothing but pain and sadness. And those who have caused so much pain for me don’t know or don’t care, or both. I remember reading Huckleberry Finn when I was a kid, and how he attended his own funeral. And how he got to see the truth of how people felt and thought of him. I think I could die in this moment here and now, and the one person I spent most of my life with, who I gave my heart body mind and soul to, wouldn’t even come to say good bye. Because I already ceased existing in their world, as if I never existed at all. And yet so much of what they have now is due in large part to my efforts. The only reason they aren’t ruined, jailed or otherwise torn apart from their awful choices and trips to the edge of the complete and utter destruction of their lives is because of me. Because I was there when no one else was, Because I cared when no one else did. Because I paid attention when no else noticed. Because I acted when everyone else ignored what was happening. And not like a worthless pieces of garbage I’ve been thrown away as if I never had any value meaning or importance to them at all. How can someone be so unfeeling? And you want to know the most painful thing, the sickest and more twisted thing? If she called me right now, I’d go running to her to save her. Because I know no one else will. No one has ever truly care about her. Which is why I sacrificed my soul for her, and it was never appreciated and now I am forgotten and erased from existence. And yet I still must exist in my own private hell, listening to people tell me to “move on” because they could, because they don’t feel, they mustn’t or they wouldn’t say such things, because they know it’s impossible to ever recover when you’ve given everything left inside you to someone. And if I had the chance to start over, I’d do the exact same thing. I’ve give myself completely yo her because that’s where my soul belonged. It just was never valued at all. I hope there will come a time when she realizes what she had and what she has lost, and comes home to me where her heart is safe, she is truly loved, and where she will always be protected and nurtured. I just fear I won’t be alive to accept her back into my arms. I may die alone. But I will die thinking of her. My one. My only. My forever.

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lightsinthesky · 10 months

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Five months.

I wish I could say that these little benchmarks of time really meant anything significant, but the truth is that it’s just another day. Another day worth celebrating, but not all too different from yesterday.

The fact of the matter is that this journey started for me a long time ago. It took awhile to fully grasp it, to comprehend and internalize all of the lessons that I’d been taught. To believe. It was no easy feat to implement them in a meaningful and sustained way, but here I am. I did it, yes. But I’ll never be at a place where I can confidently declare, “I’ve got this.” You hear that time and time again, and with good reason. Because I’ve gotten to this milestone more than once in the past five years. I’ve been here before under the guise of appeasing others, under external penalties, and in a state of overconfidence in my ability that I’d achieved all that I needed to.

It’s nice to be able to state, and more importantly to know, that this is different. It’s all different. In the most awe-inspiring, profound, and sometimes unsettling ways.

But this remains a daily effort. Even though it’s not difficult to not want to drink, even though that thought hasn’t crossed my mind in even the darkest and most painful of times these past several months, it’s still ultimately the entire reason I’m here. It’s the “why” as to how I ended up on this path to begin with. And it’s not to be trifled with or taken for granted. “Cunning, baffling, and powerful,” they say… but the evidence has been considered and written into fact from mere theory. The truth lies in the reality that it never worked. It never soothed or eased or provided escape. It only destroyed. And I’ve come too far to lose even an inch.

Practicing humility can be strange. My ego is in check, sometimes to an all-too self-aware degree. But I have a knowing confidence. It’s not in what I will or won’t do, but rather in the fact that I know that I can. It’s not that “I’m the shit” and “I can handle it no matter what,” but rather that I trust that these things I’ve found will continue to guide me. These new institutions and foundational pillars that have fully replaced the old. Where I was once a broken soul, I am more or less healed enough to persevere. And the healing won’t ever stop. So long as I stay the course.

So today, as with the last 153 days, and as with countless before that, I will stay the course. I will just be grateful that I have such a profound sense of clarity. That I came to believe in a true sense. That I found trust in my faith and acceptance. It’s not always easy to walk this path, but it’s beyond worth it. And it will lead me to everywhere I’ve always wanted to go - and, I’m sure, beyond.

As with every single morning, I started the day with gratitude. I have so much. More than I often feel I deserve. But I hold it precious. And regardless of where I am and how I am feeling, nothing can take away all that I’ve been able to cultivate and hang onto. My aim is higher than where I am, yes, but it doesn’t mean I take for granted all that has come my way.

An aching heart can still be full.

So into tomorrow with only the promise of today. There is so much beauty in even the saddest of moments. “I said, I don't want it / I just need it / to breathe, to feel / to know I'm alive”

If I love you, you already know. It's mine to give and I know that one day it will come back to me in the ways I seek.

For the rest, go get it.

#recovery

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uncoveringtherealphoenix · 1 year

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My life was turned upside down from the time I was conceived. I felt the pain and hurt my mother carried while I was in her womb. She was heartbroken, lost, and discouraged because of the rejection she experienced by my father. That rejection and brokenness was passed down to me before I was even born. I was already full of trauma that I inherited from my mother before I even came into this world and had no control over what my life was going to be like. I inherited my mother’s thoughts, feelings, and lack and had no idea I was going to operate in this way throughout my life. She had no way of connecting with me because she was emotionally numb and mentally checked out. My mother already instilled in me dissociation due to the abuse she experienced and had no clue what was taking place in her own life. I was already a product of negative thoughts and feelings because that’s all she knew and she didn’t have the capacity to practice self love and forgiveness. She probably thought her pregnancy was a mistake due to her decisions and beat herself some more and had no idea what to do with me. I am a product of a broken home and a product of low self-esteem due to carrying my mother’s DNA and my father's rejection towards her.

I was sent to Belize at two weeks old with a nurse that knew my mother’s family and was handed off to my grandparents at the airport. I often wondered at times if my family is my family due to human trafficking and someone could have easily given me away to the wrong family. This thought often crosses my mind from time to time because my life has been a struggle from conception. My grandparents gave me a place of safety and unconditional love, which I am forever grateful for. I felt an authentic connection with them that I didn’t get from my mother when she looked into my eyes. They were numb, cold and had no life in them and I could feel it but with my grandparents their eyes were loving and accepting and that's what I so needed as a baby. I spent four years in Belize with my grandparents who cared for me and looked after me and I love every minute of it because I could be free and be myself. I could walk around barefoot and laugh and smile and just be a beautiful soul with no worries. I was able to push down the feelings of rejection, abandonment, numbness, and negative thoughts and feelings because they did not put me in a position to feel any of those emotions. It was pure love, acceptance, freedom, peace, and compassion that I was experiencing being with my grandparents and I enjoyed every minute of it. This was the most amazing gift a child could have ever received when it comes to form that bond and deep connection with their parents or parents. I didn’t feel like I was part of a broken home and I didn’t feel broken because every day in Belize with my grandparents as I was filled with harmony and joy and what more could I have asked for. I was never silenced and was not discouraged from using my voice and expressing how I felt. I had the freedom to speak and the freedom to simply be myself with no judgment. I was able to express my personality without feeling judged or reprimanded. I was fully seen, heard, and validated, which made me feel even more loved without knowing that is what I needed due to not receiving it from the woman who gave me life.

The broken feelings and emotions came back when I met my mother at four years old when she came to Belize to get me. There was this wave of anxiety and fear, along with confusion, that took over my being. A feeling that was familiar, but my small mind couldn’t comprehend why it felt so familiar and my entire world was yet again turned upside down. I felt a dark cloud come over me as I stood there looking up at my mother with confusion when being told she was my mother because I felt in my heart and soul that my grandparents were my parents. This woman who stood before me was a complete stranger and I had no feelings or emotions towards her nor did I want to leave with her. She wasn’t there this whole entire time and missed out on my first crawl, my first walk, my first words, and all of my birthdays, and now she wants to claim her place as my mother once again. I felt betrayed and rejected by my grandparents because I couldn’t understand why they were letting me go with a complete stranger and not fighting for me and not keeping me. I don’t even remember leaving Belize with my mother as my little brain blocked it all out on the way to the airport from my grandparents' house. I don’t even remember getting on the plane and I don’t even remember how we got to the states. I only remember getting on the escalators at the airport and ripping my pretty yellow dress because I sat on the escalator with pure terror, not knowing what it was. I don’t even remember what New York looked like while on the way to my mother’s apartment and how I got there. I remember meeting the man that would take away my power and permission that was her first husband. I remember the look he gave me that shook me to my core and made me freeze in my tracks. I remember feeling like I no longer had freedom and peace and I could no longer walk around barefoot and be that carefree child I was in Belize. Everything in my life changed from that moment when seeing the look in his eyes and feeling danger and not feeling safe.

This was a lot for a four-year-old to experience all at one time, and it wasn’t a very good feeling. I felt confusion, rejection, abandonment, resentment, not loved, not protected, and felt like a complete stranger in a place that was not home to me and for me. I had to quickly make myself adapt to this environment that was filled with so much darkness when I was used to experiencing light. I had to adapt to living in a box that was an apartment with not that much space when I was used to living in a house filled with sunshine and so much love. I had to get used to processed food that they forced me to eat, especially when I even asked how I felt about not liking the food. I was no longer free to use my voice and was immediately silenced and told what to do or suffer the consequences. I became a fraction of myself and lost my identity in that moment of reuniting and living with my mother. That feeling of disconnection that I felt when I first looked into her eyes when I was born came right back again and I was no longer the vibrant child who loved to dance, smile, laugh and be barefoot.

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trevortrtc · 2 years

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Instructional/Curriculum pages

Inclusivity

Inclusivity in a classroom is extremely important. There is highly , if not fully, impossible that you will have a classroom full of students with the same needs and support. It is extremely important that you make your best effort to promote inclusivity for all

In this assignment, the goal was to create not only an inclusive classroom but a lesson as well. There were many things to consider while coming up with the. This assignment supports those with intellectual and physical disabilities as well as English language learners. Many supports are put into place in the lesson to allow for inclusivity of daily instruction. These supports include but are not limited to language support and outcome differentiation. There are many supports in the physical space too to support not only learning but the emotional health of a child. Flexible seating, private areas, and accessible materials are some of the things I have implemented in this classroom to provide more inclusivity.

Accessible Curriculum

A major issue when it comes to teaching students, and especially English Language Learners, is that the content is not accessible to them. Language used in the content areas tends to be jargon and hard to understand. In this math lesson, I used many strategies and techniques to make the content more accessible. Those strategies included preaching and frontloading vocabulary and close reading to better understand what math problems are asking students. The questions is not"why is the student not getting it?" but rather "have I made the information accessible for them to get it?

Reflective Practice

Empathy and perseverance had been on my mind long before I was even in the classroom. I was thinking about the students and what were some things they would need when it came time for school. And of course I thought about the academic concerns and what they needed to succeed this year. However, when I started to think about the social and emotional side of things, that is when this lesson came to be.

This lesson allows for the students to reflect. They reflect on the ideas of empathy and perseverance and how it relates to them, their community, and the texts we read. Likewise, it allows them to see young people their age and reflect on that. That reflection is less guided but it allowed them to think about their lives, what they are thankful for, and what they have been taking for granted. At the end of the unit, I definitely so some positive shifts in perspective and how they interacted with others, content, and their community.

Family and Community Knowledge

This was one of the activities that were early on in the year. It was a creative way that allowed us to get to know the students and for them to share out about themselves, especially if they did not want to say it verbally. In this assignment, students were to make a puzzle like a heart, and in each puzzle piece put something that is a part of them. This includes their likes, dislikes, desire, family, friends, community, and so on. The hearts they created were amazing! I was truly a joy to see the amazing work that they had created and got to learn about them. It is never just the product they create that promotes understanding but the processes. The discussions we had were really something special. They talked about their family and community in all the lights. They highlighted the positives while acknowledging the negatives that came with it. Though you might look at this assignment and think its some kid art project to pass time, it promoted more meaningful discussion than I have ever seen with the most prompted lesson plan.

Literacy

Literacy is such an important component to a child's education. Many believe that a key to success is literacy competency. I would agree somewhat to that statement. It is important for students to be able to read and comprehend information presented to them.

This lesson was very interesting as it was created as a response to my hearing and gauging that my students did not explicitly know the parts of speech. This realization came during the mid-school year, which I take full responsibility for. Of course, it came as a little shock to me but as soon as I knew this, I went to work on the lesson. The lesson takes them through the major parts of the speech. It offers a visual representation of the parts of speech and gives them free time to work on it in small groups and then as a full class. The structure of lecture-try it out-come together and discuss really worked for this class.

Learning from and with children

My students were extremely passionate about certain topics that pertained to them and school life. I always had the idea of using a choice board for class but never knew what it would be about. That is when I bought the idea to my students and asked them what topics they were interested in discussing. While it is not always possible, having students interest in what is being taught is extremely important as it makes them feel important and promotes the willingness to engage.

The choice board gives students variety for engagement and autonomy on what they would like to share. It allowed them to talk about and express their thoughts on bullying in different ways. Likewise, this was completely student facilitated. When it came time to present or discuss, I left it to the students to lead, with me reminding them to come minor guidelines. If we are having an assignment like this, there is so much power in letting the students lead. Of course, I want them to know the effects and dangers of bullying. However, It is important to hear how they feel, in any way they need to express it. If you want to know what's going on in the schools, ask the students.

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k-dokja · 2 years

Note

I CAME AS SOON AS I HEARD YOUR REQUESTS ARE OPEN

Can i request a kayden fic where he gets lowkey jealous since reader got a marriage proposal (like what happened to jiyoung) out of nowhere. THANK YOU SO MUCH AND DONT FORGET TO DRINK WATER MY LOVE!

"If you don't stop scowling, your face will stay stuck that way," you drawled after what would be the fifth continuous minute of Kayden glaring at you. It was a bit of a distraction when all you wanted to do was reading your recent purchase.

Normally, you would mind it little whenever he got moody. It was the side-effect of an overinflated ego, having a temper shorter than most because he could afford to be mad without caring about another's opinion. Once upon a time, this was the source of many disputes and fights between the two of you.

However, once you both set your pride aside, the two of you found that you were better friends than rivals. Then better lovers than friends. Although, whether the last one was an upgrade or not, was up to debate.

One thing about dating Kayden was that he wore his heart on his sleeve around you, which was the recipe for disaster when his worse moods reared their ugly heads. Being the person in the closest proximity and perhaps the source of his ire this time around, you had no choice but to deal with the upcoming storm.

"Hmph."

"What is it?"

"You know what it is," he crossed his arms in a defiant gesture of resistance to your attempt to pry his brain open. "You didn't have to stop me from fighting the Chapman boy."

Men. Incredibly simple-minded sometimes. "You didn't have to challenge him," you tutted.

"He insulted me by proposing to you!" Kayden protested. "Everyone knows we are together, why else would he do that if he didn't want to provoke me?"

"Of course," you deadpanned at his line of reasoning, so self-centred, "in no way that did he propose because I'm also immensely powerful and that there'd be mutual benefits if I allied myself with his family."

Kayden rolled his eyes. It was plain as day to see how he couldn't comprehend your perspective. Worse that Kayden himself also got a handful of proposals since the two of you got together, too.

You never thought much about it.

Flippant as Kayden was, it meant his rejection was often swift and straightforward. You often never heard about the people who offered to ally with him through the means of marriage. He had always made it his own task to ensure you never had to dwell on it.

And when your turn came, you returned the favour. It was an equal trade from both sides. You didn't see what he got mad about.

"Seriously, what are you mad for?" When Kayden refused to settle down, you had to become the one who set your book down and face him instead.

"You should've let me fight him." Once he finally got those words out, you couldn't help but want to ignore this and let it fizzle out with time. But Kayden bottling up his annoyance made for a very uncomfortable living, so you relented to deal with this before it blew up further.

You snorted. "And cause a diplomatic incident?"

"I would have been able to deal with it," Kayden retorted, "I just don't like how he looked at you, it felt... dirty."

"Perks of being hot," you replied lazily, "but seriously, come here."

At your beckoning, Kayden narrowed his eyes and hesitated for a moment. But all it took from you was a look for him to comply and walk over to you. As soon as he was within reach, you pulled him down until he was close enough for you to lean up.

The kiss you left on his jaw was a placating one, softening his edges when he was hell-bent on bristling about trivial matters. It captured Kayden's attention and had him narrowing his eyes down at you, even if he was struggling his best to maintain the glare.

"Stop overthinking about it," you kissed him again, lips upon lips, it was enough to stop him from scowling, "he doesn't deserve to die for a stupid mistake."

"Hmph."

"Kayden."

"Fine," he relented but didn't fully submit to your line of reasoning, "but if I ever ran into him again-"

You laughed a little, suddenly aware of why you never saw those people who proposed to him again. Maybe it would be wise of you to avoid the Chapman boy in the further, too. For his own good, if anything.

#eleceed #eleceed x reader #kayden break #kayden break x reader #fics

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forever-rogue · 3 years

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hi! if you’re accepting requests from prompt list #2, does angst to fluff count lol. 5 from angst, 49 from fluff lists! with reader thinking din loves someone else 🥺 i like mando x omera but.. reader who perhaps doesnt have the skills omera has and sees how din looks at her… THE ANGST 😌🤌

AN | Me, writing some Din? It’s been a hot minute, but here we are. I miss him 🥺

Warnings | None

Pairing | Din x Fem!Reader

Masterlist | Din, Main

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

A small sigh, a wistful little thing, escaped your lips as you studied the gently lapping water of the lake. It was calm here, a peaceful, tranquil place that served as a welcome refuge after all that you'd been through in the last few years. Sometimes it seemed almost too good to be true. The distant sounds of laughter met your ears as children ran around and played, carefree as could be. Sometimes you wished you were that young again; innocent to life’s darker sides. Unfortunately that wasn’t a possibility, but for now you’d take the peace and stillness you could get.

Pulling off your boots and socks, you quickly tossed them to the side. The water was warm as you relaxed and leaned back, closing your eyes and soaking up the warmth of the summer sun. It wasn’t until you heard the familiar voice that your eyes slowly snapped back opened. Your heart constricted slightly as you spotted Din nearby speaking to Omera. He seemed so happy, in a much better mood than you’d seen in a long time. It was all her, and you remained invisible. Which, when it came to most things wasn’t too bad, but sometimes you wished he would see you.

“Is somebody jealous?” you hadn’t even heard the bounty hunter walk over; you supposed that’s one of the many reasons he was the best in the galaxy. Boba offered a small grimace before sitting down next to you. You shrugged him off staring back into the water. You were not about to get into anything with Boba; that man was insufferable and usually right.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you brushed him off, trying desperately not to look back at Din. Instead, you focused on the water and watched the tiny fish whiz through the water; a few of them brushed by your feet, sending a ticklish shiver up your spine, “I’m just...enjoying the calm afternoon sun and soaking up as much peace before we inevitably leave again.”

“That’s how this all works,” Boba sighed as you nodded in agreement, “you knew that from the day you became my apprentice.”

“I know,” you whispered, “but I hoped at one point I could...walk away and have a normal life. Like this.”

“Normal is all relative,” he had a point as you huffed lightly and stood up, brushing off your pants and reaching for your boots, “but if this is what you want, what you truly want, you know you’re welcome to leave whenever. I would not hold you back from the life you wanted.”

“I know, Boba,” you put your hand on his shoulder and gave it a light squeeze, “the problem is that I don’t really know what I want...I think I know but...it’s more than that.”

“Of course,” he agreed, casting a quick glance at the object of your affections before turning back to you, “I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”

“Either way, it will work out, just as it always does,” you swallowed the lump that had welled up in your throat, “Boba, why are you doing this?”

“I just want to make sure you’re happy - that you know that you have choices in what you’re doing,” he said like it was no big deal, but to you it meant so much. This hardened, sometimes gruff man really did have a heart of gold underneath it all, “should you want to part ways, I would understand. Should you want to stay, I’d be more than happy to have you with me. I don’t know what the future holds for myself, Fennec, or Djarin, but you know it will not always be easy. But sometimes you have to decide what’s most important.”

“Yes,” you answered softly, “thank you, Boba.”

He remained silent as you laced up your boots before padding away, back towards the village. You knew you had a lot to think about and if you wanted things to change at all, you’d have to figure out something. You cast a glance over your shoulder and you were almost positive that you’d spotted Din looking in your direction. But it was all a trick of the mind; it had to be. Why would he spare you more than a passing thought anyways?

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

It was late by the time he found you; much later than any reasonable person should have been outside, but you couldn’t sleep. There was too much on your mind to silence, and if you managed to, it was short-lived and another thought came to replace the previous one. Eventually you’d given up and wandered out of the small hut home that had been acting as your own home for the last couple of months. You knew the area was safe and wanted to enjoy the temperate night air before it turned to a crisp fall breeze, or worse - you’d be gone.

Small bugs chirped happily along with the soft songs of nightbirds as you walked around the sleeping village; you weren’t scared here, you felt safe and at home. But as you rounded a corner, a gloved hand reached out and grabbed your wrist. A small yelp of surprise left your lips as you pulled into a wall of cool metal - beskar.

“Shhh,” Din placed a finger to his lips as you relaxed when you realized it was him, “you’ll wake everyone up. It’s just me.”

“Dank Farrik!” you hissed at him, “how was I supposed to know that? You could have been a murderer!”

“Well….you should be in bed sleeping.”

“So should you!” your arms crossed over your chest as you stared him down, and eventually he huffed in defeat, realizing you were right. He couldn’t sleep either, plagued by the choices he knew that he had to make sooner rather than later. He hadn’t expected you to be out as well, “what are you doing anyway?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” he admitted, scratching the back of his neck nervously, a flash of...something in his dark eyes, “I thought that some fresh air would clear my head.”

“Same here,” you admitted reluctantly, leaving the two of you in an awkward silence. You wished you had enough bravery (or perhaps even stupidity) in your body to just say something to him then and there. At least it would be out of the way; but you weren’t feeling anything but nervous butterflies fluttering in your tummy, “I...umm...I guess I’ll get back. Try and sleep.”

“Hey-” he reached for your arm gently before you could get too far away. You turned around and raised an eyebrow as he opened and closed his mouth a few times, “d-did I do something wrong?”

“What? What are you talking about?” the question caught you off guard, but judging by the look on his face, you could sense that this was something he had been thinking for some time.

“You’ve been different lately...it almost feels like you’re avoiding me.”

“Oh DIn, you’re being ridiculous,” and yet the accusation was very true.

“You’re fine around Boba, Fennec...everyone else. But every time I’m around it feels like you can’t wait to get away,” you should have known that he would have noticed sooner or later. The man was more observant than you’d cared to admit, “if I did something, please tell me.”

“You can’t be serious, Djarin. There’s nothing wrong…”

“Then why have you been avoiding me?”

“I haven’t been doing anything. You’ve got too much free time and your mind is running wild.”

“Tell me it’s not true then.”

“Din-”

“Tell me.”

“The problem is that you’re in love with someone else,” the words were out of your mouth before you even contemplated them. You were mortified and in some ways you were relieved. At least it was all out in the open now and you were able to let the chips land where they may.

“Oh,” was his only response as his head tilted to the side and he looked at you in confusion, “what?”

“I...kriff,” you sighed, “I shouldn’t have said that. Sorry - forget I said anything.”

“Who am I in love with?”

“What do you mean?” tears welled up in your eyes at his response; almost like a cruel joke, “you know, everyone knows! Omera; and why wouldn’t you be? She’s wonderful - kind, smart, beautiful … everything. Part of me wants to dislike her, but I can’t because she’s such a good person but it kills me a little bit to know that you love her and you’ll never even think twice about me. I know that’s super selfish but it’s the way I feel; and judging from how this is going I think I’m making the right decision by leaving. By myself.”

Din said nothing as a few tears rolled down your cheeks. You laughed bitterly at yourself before realizing that this might have been the best decision after all. You couldn’t stay after this.

It wasn’t long before Din came to his senses and ran after you, calling your name and catching up with a few easy strides. You came to a reluctant stop as you sniffled and waited for him to say something, despite the fact that you weren’t sure you wanted to hear whatever he had to say.

“I-I-I’m not in love with Omera,” he insisted as it became your turn to look at him in bewilderment, “I’m in love with you.”

“What?”

“I’ve been talking to her about you,” he confessed, “about how to do...this sort of thing. But then you started avoiding me and I wondered if maybe I’d read the signs wrong and you didn’t like me at all. At least not in that way.”

“I don’t….what?” you heard his words but weren’t able to fully comprehend them. This had to be some sort of weird fever dream. Din sighed - his trademark sigh - before ripping off his gloves and gently putting his hands on the sides of your face. He was hesitant at first, to see if you would stop him. But you didn’t...instead you relished in his touch, the feel of his bare skin on yours sending electric shivers throughout your whole body.

After a few moments of quietly studying your features, he leaned in and slowly pressed his lips against yours. It wasn’t a proper kiss by any means, hardly more than a ghost of one, but it felt...strangely wonderful. You looked at him in disbelief as he pulled back; was this really the same man that you’d met all that time ago that wouldn’t even tell anyone his name or let them see his face?

“Oh.”

“Can we go inside?” he whispered softly, “can we talk?”

“Yeah,” you agreed gently. He reached for your hand but before he could take it in his, you stopped him and pressed another sweet, barely there kiss to his lips. A tinge of pink colored his cheeks as you beamed at him, “now we can go.”

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Pedro Character Taglist (strikethrough means I couldn’t tag you - please check your settings. Strikethroughs will get removed if not taggable)

@qhbr2013 @greeneyedblondie44 @dodgerandevans @cannedsoupsucks @april-showers-and-flowers @klaine-92 @softboiipascal @rpcvliz @im-an-adult-ish @dobbyjen @thevoiceinyourheadx @niki-xie @jediknight122 @xxlovingfandomsxx @mrpascals @startrekkingaroundasgard @welcometothepedroverse @ilikemymendarkandfictional @actual-spawn-of-satan @wanderlust69 @lazybeeches @beskarboobs @someday-when-you-leave-me @leaiorganas @salome-c @rosiefridayrogersunday @madslorian @artsymaddie @haildoodles @windfallss @spookispunk @nikkixostan @edencherries @stillshelbs @djarinbarnes @alyispunk @ayamenimthiriel @gallowsjoker @its–fandom–darling @star017 @amneris21 @empress-palpat1ne @cable-kenobi @gooddaykate @princeofdorne @natthebattygeologist @riddikulus-obsessions @sleep-tight1 @mamacitapascal @14mcmd1122 @leaiorganas @hoodedbirdie @kenzieam @dobbyjen @jedi-mando @milkxxkookies @lazybeeches @general-latino @jediknight122 @cosmoschick @recklessworry @jaime1110 @thorins-queen-of-erebor @thatnerdwriter @bestintheparsec @pascalisthepunkest @kristeng42 @rosie-posie08

#din djarin #din djarin x reader #din djarin x you #din djarin x fem!reader #the mandalorian #pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal x you #the mandalorian x reader

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