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rollercoasterwords · 2 years

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the tiktokification of ao3

or: some of you fundamentally misunderstand ao3 and it really, really shows

i was talking about this with a friend a few days ago and since then i've seen multiple posts of various sorts that have just made me think about it more, so. here is me breaking down a disconnect i see particularly with younger members of the marauders fandom (i say marauders specifically just bc that's the only one i'm plugged into):

okay, so i've seen many (usually younger) marauders fans either talking online about how they wish ao3 was more like social media (specifically regarding algorithms) OR talking about ao3/fanfiction/fanfic writers as if they are operating under the same etiquette/guidelines/assumptions they would bring into social media platforms. this ranges from being mildly irritating to genuinely harmful, and i want to talk abt why.

first - you have to understand that social media, in this day and age, exists in a profit economy. and when i say social media here, i'm referring to platforms like tiktok, twitter, instagram, etc. all of these platforms exist in a profit economy where content is a product that can be monetized. this leads to a few important distinctions:

people posting on these social media platforms are generally posting with the intent to get their content seen by as many people as possible, as quickly as possible

they post with this intent because once their content is consumed by enough people, it becomes a product that they can monetize

therefore, if that content gets popular enough, these people can become influencers, where content creation is an actual job and their audience are, in a sort of vague and obscured way, similar to consumers purchasing a product

because of the profit economy surrounding social media, there are certain assumptions + forms of interaction that bleed across almost all social media platforms. the ones relevant to this little essay include:

operating under the assumption that anyone posting anything on the internet wants to go viral, ie. be seen by as many people as possible as quickly as possible in order to grow an "audience"

these influencers are creating content for us, their audience, so they should want to please us. they should also be trying to appeal to the broadest possible audience. therefore, if we dislike their content, we have a right to make that very, very clear.

in that same vein, we have a general right to critique content creators, as they are making a profit and we are the consumers purchasing their product--much like you might feel entitled to a certain standard of service in a restaurant where you are paying for the food.

when you carry these assumptions over to a platform like ao3, it creates problems. why? in a nutshell: because ao3 exists outside the profit economy

ao3 is a non-profit. it does not have an algorithm because it is not trying to sell you anything. this means that the writers posting their work on ao3 are not making a profit. we are not influencers. we are not creating monetized content to sell to a consumer-audience. where consuming content on other social media platforms might be comparable to eating at a restaurant, reading fanfiction on ao3 is more like coming over to someone's house and eating cookies that they made for free. you are in their house. the cookies are free, given as a gift. so what happens when those assumptions outlined above start to bleed over from other social media?

assuming that anyone posting fanfiction online wants their work to go viral -- i've seen this with popular fic writers getting questions like, "are you worried x isn't going to be as popular as y?" those questions are usually not ill-intended, but they demonstrate a fundamental lack of understanding about why writers post work on ao3. it's not to go viral. it's not to build any sort of online following. most of us who post on ao3 have jobs or schoolwork or other commitments, and writing fanfiction is something done for fun, out of a love for writing. those sharing their work online might be seeking community, but that is fundamentally different from seeking an audience, and in no way involves internet virality. if someone is posting fanfic on ao3 with the hope that it'll "go viral," then they likely either won't continue writing fanfic for long or will reach a point where they have to re-evalute their motivations, because seeking joy and validation by turning your art into a product for consumption just isn't very sustainable.

influencers are creating content for us, so we have a right to let them know if we don't like it -- nope!! fic writers are not influencers. yes, even the popular ones. no matter how much other people might blow their work up on social media, fic writers are still outside the profit economy. they are not creating content for an audience. they are not creating content for you. they are writing because they love it, and they are generously sharing it. if you don't like it, don't interact with it. you are never entitled to loudly and publicly proclaim how much you dislike a fic. i talk about this more here

we have a general right to critique fic writers, the same way we do with content creators/influencers -- again, no. you should not be treating fic writers the way you would treat an influencer on another social media platform, no matter how popular they may be. this is not to say fic writers are beyond all reproach; rather, it is a call-in to check your entitlement. fic writers are not little jesters entertaining in your court. they are not subject to your whims. they do not have to do things for you. they do not have to write things you like. in that post i linked on point 2, i talk about what etiquette might look like if you're really concerned that a fic writer is doing something harmful, but that is not what i'm talking about here. i am talking about the proliferation of negativity i have seen, especially on twitter and tiktok, where people essentially just talk shit about fics or fic writers as though they are entitled to have those fic writers working to please them. this is gross, and it needs to stop. you wouldn't go over to someone's house, eat the cookies they baked to share, and then spit those cookies back in their face and start shouting about what a shitty baker they are. or maybe you would--in which case, congratulations! you are Not A Good Person.

anyway, at the end of the day, a lot of this can be boiled down to: Because ao3 exists outside the profit economy, fic writers are not influencers, and you should never be treating them as though they are. i think i see this disconnect largely with younger people just because they've maybe only ever really understood social media within this sort of influencer-consumer-culture economy, and genuinely don't understand how to interact differently with the internet. so, consider this post a call-in to reevaluate the way you interact with fic writers and the etiquette you use when it comes to engaging with fanfic on ao3! i promise that ao3 being different from social media is a very, very good thing, and also a very, very rare thing, so let's treasure it and focus on fostering community rather than trying to morph it to fit the mould of influencer-audience dynamics that we see almost everywhere else <3

#tldr: fic writers aren't influencers #stop acting like they are #it only creates problems!!!!#anyway if you have engaged in some of these behaviors that doesn't make u a bad person #it just means u should maybe shift ur perspective moving forward #capitalism is a lifeless desert that grows every day and ao3 is a little oasis #let's all enjoy it while we can #instead of trying to place it within a consumer economy #ranting and raving #txt

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five-thousand-loaves-of-bread · 1 year

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my frustration with “going nonverbal/nonspeaking” (as a fully nonverbal person)

transcript: my frustration with “going nonverbal/nonspeaking” (as a fully nonverbal person)

this written for instagram because of this post. but thought tumblr may like it too. “you” means general you, no one specific.

the instagram post and this on wordpress

this disclaimer is for instagram but also for anyone new to this discussion:

in full honestly, don’t know how to write this. am tired, language and complex ideas too much at time of writing, and general exhaust at having to argue same thing over and over again and justify own existence. tired of being minority within minority, wish there are others to do these work for me so i don’t have to do it all by self, singlehandedly advocate for everyone (not to mention problem with that—i can’t speak for everyone).

so honestly, if you don’t have anything nice to say, especially if you speaking (yes, even if you lose speech. include you), just don't say anything at all. move on.

online actually autistic community (AAut) dominated by white, lower support needs. level 1, speaking, late diagnosed, high masking autistics. find people like you is great, what not great is you treat your very narrow community as “voice of all autistic” and your experience as ultimate autistic experience. i write plenty about that, many more elaborate than this, if you not familiar with this concept.

many people in this community experience times when cannot speak, sometimes because overwhelm, shutdown, dissociate, or anxiety (situational mutism), but do not struggle with act of speaking rest of time (some struggle with speech all the time but still can speak - more on that later). the community call “going nonverbal/nonspeaking,” or even “when i am nonverbal nonspeaking” (not talking about those nonverbal as child and verbal now older), after clinical term “nonverbal” (nonverbal autism) and term coined by apraxic nonspeaking autistics “nonspeaking.”

both of which talk about it as an “all the time” experience.

when i search nonverbal or nonspeaking because i want community too, want see people like me too, two category i see: 1) parents of nonverbal nonspeaking children, whom can’t relate to because age, who can’t write own experience because their age and developmental ability. and 2) overwhelming amount of speaking autistic talk about going nonverbal going nonspeaking.

and the very very few fully nonverbal nonspeaking voices. drowned out. cannot find anyone.

nonverbal used to be term to describe us, people who can’t speak or cannot functionally speak beyond few words. medical term, alright, so some of us don’t like. so some of us reject that and create term all of our own, called nonspeaking. created by nonspeaking autistics with severe apraxia and brain body disconnect, describe their own experience of able to think in words able to spell out words (with great dedication and work and support), just cannot do that with mouth. their term. they create.

and you take it? without knowing context? without reading anything by those same nonspeaking coiners?

when is last time you purposely seek out nonverbal nonspeaking voices? when is last time you accidentally came across us? can you name any nonverbal nonspeaking advocate that talk about their experiences? one? two? three? a BIPOC person, a (specifically) Black person? a Black woman? a trans person? a physically disabled person? a person not from western world?

same narrative over and over. “i can speak for nonverbal autistic i understand their experience because i am autistic i can’t talk sometimes” no you cannot. as someone who was able to speak when young who lose speech (”go nonverbal”) but now have no speech to lose because full time nonverbal. no the experience not the same. not comparable. you gain it back. i don’t. you can explain with mouth words what happen when you get out. i can’t, i only have AAC. countless nonverbal nonspeaking people without AAC or sign cannot, at all. you never experience daily small and big struggle of casually being nonverbal all the time.

your experience of lose speech unique from my nonverbal. but if you so insist to compare and equate, you only guest to my experience, my daily life.

“when i go nonverbal and no one understand so have to force to speak” i cannot force words out. know you don’t mean to say this, and not saying you at fault for this, but nevertheless accidental perpetuate and reinforce idea that anyone who don’t speak can just be forced to speak if try hard enough. but often not how it works. and this exact harmful rhetoric devoid and delays nonverbal nonspeaking people given access to AAC, because “need try to force words out first, AAC unnatural so last resort.”

this may be new concept for you. new concept to instagram, to tiktok. to other places. it may seem i only one with this problem, “i once saw a nonspeaking person’s account and they don’t have problem.”

yeah, because we are not monolith. some nonverbal nonspeaking people don’t care. some nonverbal nonspeaking people may even welcome “go nonverbal nonspeaking” or “when i am nonverbal nonspeaking.”

but don’t be fooled into believe i only one. have many nonverbal/nonspeaking and/or higher support needs friends on tumblr, who talk about this who have been saying this for years. *years*. years before i joined. i am not creator, i only bring message here, because many of us are too high support needs too disabled to do anything else. many of us only stay on our small corner of tumblr because it most peaceful, because at least some listen, because least hostile, because need to defend our experience against our own community the least. (but it happens less doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen, we still exhausted.) many of us only stay on our small corner of tumblr because that all we can handle, or because we not allowed or shouldn’t be on other social media because age or abilities or both.

i cannot handle conflict i do not do well and i shouldn’t be here. but if not me, who else? if i don’t do it, who else is going to?

some nonverbal nonspeaking people and parents of them may question, why you start debate about useless term when so many nonverbal nonspeaking people don’t even have access to communicate, real problems. to that i say i do those work too. and to that i say this is real problem too, because am autistic so online actually autistic community should also be my space too but it not. but it hostile. because am lonely because seeing yourself so crucial because don’t know anyone in person like me don’t have any friends in person like me, so i go online to find people like me and i cannot because no own term to search and what used to be term many people without similar experience insist they understand and can speak for me because they say we have similar experience. because this aloneness and the unique difficulty from being full time nonverbal and the struggle of future and the unique mistreatment from both outside but also inside community have drove me over edge many times and it is presence and knowing their presence of my tumblr nonverbal nonspeaking / higher support needs friends that gave me hope to stay. because so many people don’t listen and instead speak over. terminology only a symptom of problem. address roots, sure, but part of address roots is address symptoms.

‘well nonverbal people are never around” maybe it because you don’t make it welcome for us to join.

“fully nonverbal rare anyway” estimated 30% of us nonverbal nonspeaking, which this statistic probably only count those nonverbal since birth. even more are minimally speaking or without full functional communication, abilities limited to requests. sure, 30% still not majority. but significant amount never the less. speaking lower support needs autistic without intellectual disability not majority anyway too but your experience still deserve heard. ours too.

“see less nonverbal people because they don't have ability to communicate and use social media” yes, many nonverbal nonspeaking people not given access to communication (like AAC), forced to live in silence (because body language communication not enough alone!). silence from birth to teenage years, to adulthood, even until they die. some cannot understand social media or AAC because intellectual disability or cognitive ability. some not allowed on there because safety, some not allowed on because presumed incompetent and abused. all true. do you advocate for them too? or is it just talking point against me, pretend you care?

but not all of us, we exist. some of us thankfully supportive parents all along, parents given resources, us given resources, so we access to AAC since beginning. some of us became nonverbal later in life (which not same experience as those early in life, i acknowledge). some of us after years of forced silence, finally given access to AAC and can now communicate and advocate! some of us on social media - do you listen?

but you see none of us in your community anyway. maybe one token person.

you can go nonverbal. i cannot go verbal. see difference? you can come close to my experience, but i never will have (future) ability to go to yours.

it frustrate that have to specify am nonverbal **all the time** when write this, because if don’t do that will be assumed otherwise. frustrate that when in neurodivergent space stranger see me AAC they assume i can speak because they only know part time users (know part time users frustrate too because people assume they cannot speak and get surprised when they do. me being assumed automatic part time is not fault of part time AAC users.)

even been told am privileged to be nonverbal nonspeaking, privilege over speaking autistic who lose speech because in their mind it mean i get all support i need i get all recognition get all the representation. which. couldn’t be farther from truth.

all that. is fraction of reason i frustrate at “going nonverbal nonspeaking” and “when i was nonverbal nonspeaking.”

so many other words. lose speech. intermittent speech.

just want have own sub community where can find people similar experience.

#actually autistic #actuallyautistic #autism #nonverbal #nonspeaking #actually nonverbal #actually nonspeaking #nd #asd #loaf screm #long post

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byechristopher · 4 months

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pleaseee a fic where chris and reader meet for the first time (she's lowkey sad or some shit like that idk) and he's all starstruck by her 😞

lucky you.

–CHRIS STURNIOLO FLUFF.

Author's note: hey y'all. I got the idea from this lovely anon (thank you for the request!🤍) and combined it with something that actually happened to me. Fate truly works in mysterious ways – so take this long, sappy story (based on true events, pft). I hope you like it! Do not copy/steal my work. :)

Warnings: long, sappy fluff. Very slight angst if you squeeze, but nothing crazy. Very long, didn't proofread!

My mom used to always say – "that's life; when one door closes, another door opens". And if I still lived in the same house with mom, she'd know; I haven't seen an opened door in a long while. It is unfair but it is what it is and I had no intention of succumbing to tears in the solitude of my nightly despair.

Seated on the chilled bench, I instinctively drew my knees towards my chest in a desperate bid for warmth. The sheer elegance of my black tights, though adorning my legs, proved futile against the biting cold. Unfazed, I refrained from complaining; after all, they were my cherished favorites. Mascara was most likely smudged from my previous ugly crying, yet I ignored it, taking solace in my sweater's embrace.

Leaning my head against my knees, my fingers absentmindedly engaged with the laces of my shoes – a subconscious act of distraction. In the midst of this self-imposed solitude, a sudden exclamation pierced the quietude.

"Shit!" I heard a voice, someone angry. The mysterious guy threw his hat on the pavement and scoffed, his hair nearly as messy as mine. His gaze shifted towards me, a thorough assessment from head to toe, "care if I sit next to you?" he asked quickly. Without much ado, I responded with a nonchalant shrug. I didn't care, I had way more things to worry about.

I could feel him rummaging through his pockets, trying to find God knows what, he seemed upset, anxious, "want a cig?" I didn't see him, but I saw his extended arm in front of me. I don't think he was looking at me either.

"Sure." I murmured under my breath, taking a cigarette from him half-empty packet.

"Why does life have to be such a fucking bitch?" I chuckled in response, treating it more as a statement than a question. Offering another shrug, I watched as he scanned the area, likely in search of his lighter.

"If I had the answer to that, I'd probably murder this bitch." I chuckled, he chuckled too.

He held the lighter in front of me and only then did I turn my head to look at him – he was definitely not what I expected to see from what I've heard. While I didn't dwell on it for long, it seemed he did, as seconds passed without his lighter igniting. His intense pale blue eyes remained fixed on mine, and I briefly removed the cigarette from my mouth.

"Hello?" was my mascara that smudged that I scared the guy? He hasn't uttered a word.

"Oh.. sorry." he shook his head, as though attempting to shake off the reverie that had consumed him in the past few moments in his own world, "I just.. didn't expect you to be here?"

"Well.. I'm pretty sure we haven't met before. So how come you didn't expect me?.." I was confused.

"No, I mean.. you are very beautiful." he almost whispered but I caught that, and if I was just a little disconnected from reality, I probably would've blushed.

"Oh. Thank you." my lips turned into a thin line – I put the cigarette back into my mouth, grabbing his lighter instead.

He chuckled, "and I thought I didn't know how to take a compliment." he took his lighter back, taking a puff of his own cigarette.

"Don't you hear like a thousand compliments on a daily basis?" with my knees still pulled up to my chest, I embraced them tightly, resting my head against the comforting curve of my legs.

"Hm. And yet this was the best compliment anyone has ever given me." he placed a leg on the bench, just so that he'd be able to have his whole body face me.

I couldn't help but laugh, "yeah, I'm good at giving things. Not receiving."

He nodded, his hat still on the ground although he didn't seem to care, "understood.." he smiled and wow, he had a nice smile, almost contagious, "a fellow people pleaser, nice to meet you. I'm Chris."

I reciprocated with a nod and a quick smile. My name slipped off my lips swiftly, echoed by him, and I couldn't help but notice how much better it sounded when it rolled off his tongue.

"Will I ever see you again?" he looked me dead in the eye.

"Probably not." I pursed my lips, looking back at him.

He nodded as if he understood and dropped his burnt cigarette to the ground. Chris grabbed his hat and got up, offering another smile, "I believe in fate."

"I don't." I teased, smiling.

"You probably should." he shouted, already far away from me to speak normally.

What an interaction.

It had been quite a while since said interaction. Not that I thought about the guy a lot, but he definitely was in the back of my mind. Even when I was outside, he'd still cross my mind every now and then, like a nice, distant memory.

I chuckled as I gulped down my whiskey – the music was too loud for my own liking but it was a Saturday night and it'd be a pity if I stayed home once again; my friends begged and I actually like hanging out with them. I watched as my friends danced with each other, not too far away from me, as I rummaged through my purse to find the money so I could pay and leave.

"Fucking.. shit.." I cursed under my breath, turning my phone's flashlight on because the lights in that bar were bright as fuck, but apparently not enough to actually help me see.

"D'you need any help?" I heard a somewhat familiar voice shouting behind me. I turned around and my eyes widened when I saw him.

"I.. you!" I was beyond surprised, to say the least, because I was truly convinced I'd never see him again. Not because I didn't want it; but because I had enough on my plate already.

"Shit.." he whispered, and if I wasn't already looking at his lips, I wouldn't be able to know what he said, "..see, I told you fate works in mysterious ways."

"This was just a coincidence." I convince myself.

Was it, though?

"This was no coincidence and you know it.." he grinned and I let my eyes travel down his body for a few seconds – he looked best in black, ".. I need to see you again.." he muttered.

"Well, it seems you will indeed see me again." I smiled.

"Does that mean you'll give me your phone number?" he grinned and I saw his eyes do the same thing mine did to him; check me out.

I hummed, "..hmm.. no. We'll see if fate actually works." I smiled.

"You can't be serious.." he tilted his head, looking at me in disbelief, "I found you again, how can I leave when I don't know if I'll ever see you again?"

"You said you believed in fate."

I found him undeniably attractive and intriguing. However, at that moment, I realized I wasn't emotionally equipped to entertain the idea of liking someone or embarking on dates. The weight of my personal struggles loomed large, and I couldn't shake the fear that if he discovered the extent of my problems, he'd likely reject me. Hence, I concluded it was better to distance myself now rather than risk inevitable disappointment later on.

It's not like I'd see him again.

Truly, it's been more than a month since I last saw him; I did think about him way more often than usual but he still remained a nice, distant memory. A memory that was in the past and would never be in the future.

"Yo, we're leaving already? It's 2AM." my friend whined, although we were already walking down the stairs, toward the exit, with our jackets on and bags in our hands.

"No, love, we're just taking our fucking bags for a little walk." another friend replied, rolling her eyes and I couldn't help but laugh at their bickering.

Immediately after departing from the bar, he made his way out of the restaurant located directly beneath it. You have to be fucking kidding me.

"You.." he whispered, his eyes widened.

My mouth hung open, my eyes as wide as his; I really couldn't believe it this time. This couldn't be a coincidence, right?

"What.. are you doing here?" there was nothing else that could leave my mouth at that time.

"I work here.. now, you can't tell me this is a coincidence." he walked closer to me, although still keeping a distance to be respectful.

It definitely wasn't but I was still in the same mood I was back then.

"I can't tell just yet." I teased him; deep down I wished I could give him way more. But I knew I couldn't.

"Don't.. tell me.. are you not gonna give me your phone number? Again?" he chuckled in disbelief once again. I nodded.

"He better be a murderer, bitch; that's the only valid reason for you not giving him your phone number yet." shit, I completely forgot that my friends were literally behind me, staring at us; they knew nothing about this.

"Stop." I whispered to my friend and I don't think she heard me but she definitely saw the expression on my face.

"Please?" he said and I almost gave in when I saw those eyes.

I have always been self-destructive but this wasn't it, this time. It was realistic, right? I really couldn't do this; I knew he wouldn't be able to keep up with my lifestyle so I was just doing me a favor by saving myself from possible heartbreak. Right?

"I promise you now; if we meet again, I'm opening up to you. Fully. My phone number, my likes, my diskikes." I gave him a teasing smile, which he seemed happy to receive.

"Pinky promise. Now. I trust fate but not you." he chuckled and so did I.

"But you trust my pinky?" I laughed but he seemed serious, despite his playful stare. I sighed, still smiling, wrapping my pinky around his, "..promise."

This would probably never happen. It's fine.

This time, I really thought about him; dreamed about him even. That was very unlike me but it happened either way. I seemed to be doing lots of things that were unlike me lately – like going to this bar again. I wasn't going to see him but I was hoping to.

The whiskey was cold against my lips, my black dress hugging my hips as I sat down on the couch.

"Third time's the charm."

No.

I turned my head and saw Chris speaking to the friend group that were sitting next to ours; I saw them getting up and leaving, Chris replacing them.

"Oh God.. what did you tell them?" my grin was wider than usual, I really wanted to see him after all.

"That.. I needed to sit next to you. And that it was a matter of life and death." he smiled, taking a sip of his own drink.

"You're crazy."

"For you." he said, searching for something.

Before realising, I saw his phone in front of me, signaling me to dial my phone number. And of course, I did.

"So. Start. Tell me everything."

"Do you have free time?" I tilted my head, still looking at him.

"For you? Always." he chuckled.

I cupped his cheeks and pulled him closer, looking into his eyes to make sure he wanted to kiss me as well. And as soon as I felt him leaning towards me, I placed the softest kiss on his own soft lips.

"Take me home?"

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harmoonix · 1 year

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Intense Astro Observations

~ Your comfort room ~

~ It's never easy to walk away ~

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Pluto - Moon aspects can feel the pain in different ways based on the way they experience the pain, if is anger they can act feel a lot of pain, if is sadness they can have a depressive mood etc..

Sun - Moon harsh aspects could've experienced in a war between their parents, it was always something happening and always ended up hurt, these things make them stronger but with the heart on thorns

Mars - Moon aspects are getting annoyed very fast and aswell they do get angry fast, their emotions can be very powerful and tend to have a hot temper (some natives with this aspect can experience anger issues)

Chiron in the 1st house or aspecting ascendant can make the native to experience different types of healing during their life time, emotional, physical and mental, you need to learn how to heal them when you feel them

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Cause I knew that that was

The last time i see you

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Mars - Chiron aspects are another indicator of someone who can experience anger issues or someone who can get violent fast, sometimes they don't understand how they react like this because of their feelings

Chiron - Neptune aspects can actually suffer of having nightmares or insomnia, especially if Neptune or Chiron are in the 6th or 12th house, the native can often have vivid dreams and experience nightmares and tend to stay late in the night

Juno in the 12th house or aspecting Neptune can often get signs in their dreams about their lovers, sometimes these can come as daydreaming for some natives

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Sometimes I wake up by the door

That heart you caught must be waiting for you

Even now, when we're already over

I can't help myself from looking for you

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Venus, Mercury, Saturn or Moon in the 11th house are the people who have loyal friendships/friends, for Saturn in this house the friends can appear in your life later or after you learn a lessons about friendships

8th house placements can experience grief or loss of someone in very sad and harsh ways, they can be broken mentally and emotionally disconnected from everything, in these situations their souls and hearts have a healing episode trying to heal

Pluto - Asc aspects and Lilith - ascendant aspects can often get blamed or accused for things they never did, and experience this "They started first, they did it first" kind of thing, people blaming you and you did nothing, makes you feel bad and hurt, your mentally strong babes 🙏🏼❤️

Is very hard to make someone to feel loved when they were hurt and couldn't feel nothing for a lot of times, that's what Pluto - Sun and Pluto - Saturn aspects can experience

Venus - Moon/Venus Pluto aspects are having this "I don't want anyone else just you", these natives love so much and can feel so much love towards their partners while Venus and Saturn aspects have this "You're the one for me" energy, because it can be very fated for them to met

Moon - Saturn aspects have indeed a very sensbile soul, they experience anxiety, panic attacks and a lot of phobias from very young ages and carry this "Fighter/Warrior" title on their head, they can get hurt easily and when karma comes back for those who hurt them it's unforgivable

South Node harsly aspecting Saturn/Moon can often have this "I always wanted to feel loved but my heart is empty" this aspect usually means problems with their family and the native was not loved properly

"I love but you i can't let you go" is someone with Lilith - Moon aspects can experience, they get attached very fast and become posesive of the person they attached to

"Learn what love means and then fight trying to make it work" is what Saturn - Venus/Saturn in the 7th, 8th and 5th houses and Saturn - Moon/Sun aspects can experience

"Love can be unpredictable, and it can hit when you don't expect it at all but it comes with a price" is what Uranus - Venus/Venus - Pluto and Venus - Mars aspects can experience

Neptune - Ascendant aspects and Neptune - Sun aspects can often experience flashbacks from their past and it can happen very often, talking with someone about a thing and then your mind goes back to something you experienced in the past

Chiron - Moon aspects can actually have a very hard time to get over bad feelings or bad moments that happen in their life, and it can happen for them to be very hard on themselves

Chiron in the 12th house could have a wound that implies their spiritual beliefs or their subconscious can be hurt, let's say that they could've had a very hard past life and some memories from that certain past life would come in dreams in this life (Chiron in the 12th house is such an interesting thing to have in a birth chart and can represent so many things I would need a whole post to talk about this placement i love it)

Chiron - Asteroid Nessus 7066 aspects can indicate having a hard time to heal from abuse/trauma/bad things happening in your life but aswell as having an "re-birth" after something traumatic can happen on your life

Vesta (4) in harsh aspects with Venus/Moon are the meaning of "No matter how kind you are, you can still get hurt". They usually are very kind people but it can happen for them to be so hurt

Juno (3) in harsh aspects with Ceres (1) shows that you need some amount of nurturing and love in relationships and the same can happen for your spouse they can be the type of people who got hurt pretty often and need this nurturing,love, support etc..I feel like people with these aspects love harder/different and can happen to need a lot of physical touch/love

🥀 Hello dear people 🤩, How have you beeeen? Sorry for not being so active it seems that some countries get holiday way faster than others 😭 anyway it is so warm outside it literally kills me because i don't really like this much warm (I prefer cold seasons more😭). I hope everyone stays safe because the climate change is no joke at all, please make sure to drink enough water or something cold to keep your body in a good state with such a warm climate 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

🌩️ About my post this is an interesting topic for me because usually there are good sides of astrology but of course there are gonna be some darker sides aswell 🌩️ If you have placements from this post that doesn't mean you are having bad placements it just means your placements can be more intense than others which is perfectly fine 🫶🏼🌩️

🩵 Much love and good energy for everyone reading my post, have an wonderful day angels🩵

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radiance1 · 7 months

Text

Okay guys.

Dragon Danny, this time not eastern.

BUT HEAR ME OUT, HEAR. ME. OUT.

He's made of....

GOO!

Not just any goo, obviously. But ectoplasmic goo :3

This au is gonna be disconnect from both the Ghost King and Ghost Prince headcanon I should say. Instead of being king of all ghosts, he's basically like...

A mega Blob ghost.

King of the Blob ghosts, even.

Like, basically the equivalent of those giant slime monsters or that King slime boss from Terraria but a dragon!

Whenever he's in dragon form, he can choose if he wants legs or not, if he doesn't, he basically just moves like, well, a snail. Obviously faster than a snail, but still. He doesn't leave a trail behind most of the time though, because he actually needs that stuff thank you very much and leaving a trail behind is pretty messy obviously.

Whenever he uses legs he just walks as any other two legged creature.

Because of his unique biology, he can basically shift between Eastern and Western dragon form at will. He can manipulate his body far more than that, but anyways.

So, Danny has outlived his friends and family, so there isn't much for him to really, well, do anymore. Like, at all.

The GIW was and still is persistent as ever though. Even if he's outlived the original members that were gunning for him.

Apparently, becoming a goo dragon and ascending to his status as King of the Blob ghosts bumped up both his valuableness and his threat simultainously.

Which he guesses is fair because if he saw a guy turn into a giant dragon and he doesn't have a positive relationship with he would see him as a threat too.

So, how did this lead to him being locked up inside of a heavily fortified base created explicitly for him to be contained within.

Well, funny story that (It's not).

He was just minding his business, having recently broken out of another containment facility by the GIW to try and contain him, and he went back to the forest near Amity Park to just chill as he always did.

A few... weeks? Months? He honestly couldn't remember, he was confronted by the GIW. Didn't take them seriously, got this gas/liquid thing shoved inside of him, knocked out, then woke up in contaiment.

Which is basically a giant hole in the ground.

Except that it's a high-tech hole in the ground.

Something, something, ectoplasmic suppressors or whatever that leave him less able to manipulate his own ectoplasm, which is a bummer. He can still manipulate it, of course, just to a far less degree than he could've before, along with that liquid that'll be pumped into him via some metal round in the ground directly below him whenever he gets too rowdy.

Well.

Consider him effectively contained.

So, time passes, how much he couldn't tell you since his concept of time is warped after living for so long plus, it's not like anyone there would really tell him if he asked now would they?

However, today seemed to be an exciting day, because something was happening.

He could see it in the way scientists scramble for an exit and how the guards run through his area. Of course, some still stay to 'guard' him, since he thinks he's some kind of priceless item.

A scientist's words, not his, but being referred to as priceless is nice.

And then wouldn't you know it?

That one scientist that said they would do their best to help him actually pulled through with their words! Thanks, Henry, he has decided that he will not kill you!

(He wasn't going to do it anyways, but it's fun to scare people.)

With both the guards gone, the ectoplasmic suppressors down, and no one to stick that liquid shit into his system.

Well.

You can say he finally gets to go apeshit.

And a dragon is a formidable foe any day. Add to that a rampaging, bored of his mind, petty, dragon that's able to manipulate himself however he wants?

Even better situation for him, how the facility is seemingly being raided right now!

Danny then, no warning, shoves Henry inside of himself. For protection, and then continues his rampage.

Meanwhile, the Justice League, the ones raiding said facility, is currently here because of the Anti-Ecto Acts.

A set of laws they do not, and will not, stand by.

#dc x dp #dp x dc #dp x dc crossover #dpxdc #dcxdp #dc x dp crossover

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dreamauri · 6 months

Note

hii!! i love your writing and i have an idea. toto wolff’s daughter used to date max but they broke up (bc yk mercedes and redbull rivalry) and she starts dating a footballer (it can be anyone that you want but i was thinking mason mount), but out of nowhere they break up and he shares in a podcast idk that shes still in love with her ex, max. id love to see how this would end 🫶🏻

┊𝗕𝗟𝗔𝗖𝗞 𝗢𝗨𝗧 𝗗𝗔𝗬𝗦 ┇︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦˚₊ ┇ . 🌿 :: pairing — ( max verstappen x fem! wolff! reader ) ┇ . 🫧 :: ⁠genre — ( angst ) ┇ . 🌿 :: ⁠word count — ( 2, 104 ) ╰ 🫧 :: ⁠ content warning — ( X )

★ ☆ This was from like august, im so sorry its so late. ik the annon said anson mount, but i dont really know his personality that well, so you can just imagine any person you want ig ━━━━━

( main master list | more of max verstappen ) ( requests )

2021

Everything was so blurry. You could see the illumination coming from your phone, little blurry grey and blue texts. You couldn't feel your body, ragged, unsteady breaths falling to and from your lungs.

"Block him. And delete his number. I don't want you to go out with him or be seen with him ever again." Your father's strong voice was the only sound in the room. You looked up at him with pleading eyes, but he wouldn't even look at you, rubbing his eyes as he sat on the bed of your hotel room.

Too many things were happening at once. This wasn't fair. This was wrong. "Aber papa." [but dad] "My words are final, Y/N." He spoke with such authority and strictness, you hated it when he was like that with you. Looking back down at you phone, you saw the 'seen' under the last bubble of text you sent.

Panic shot through you like a sharp arrow, hurt climbing through you. Scrambling quickly, you block the number and delete the contact. You couldn't bare to see the reaction or the reply. And you stood like that for a few minutes, the world falling apart as Toto talked. But you weren't listening. And you didn't want to listen. You didn't want to hear his voice.

And before you were to even realize it, you'd smashed the phone against the wall.

You tore the Mercedes shirt off your body, replaced it with a random sweater, stomping around the room, collecting your things. "What are you doing?" Toto stood up, watching you stuff you belongings in your bag. He held your wrist to stop you but you only yanked your arm back, shouting something at him, anything at him.

Toto was defiantly taken aback. He's never seen his little girl like this. Eyes red with tears, yet so angry. He never even thought he'd hear such hurtful words from you either. No father ever wants to hear 'i hate you' from their daughter, and it hurt right in his chest. You shoved the Mercedes shirt in chest, zipping up your bag and headed straight for the door.

"My love—" "Ich bin keine tochter von dir." [I'm no daughter of yours] Was the last thing he heard from you before the door was slammed shut.

★ ☆ ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

2023

The Las Vegas GP had truly ruined the city. Max couldn't even have a nice drive from his hotel to the circuit in peace. The traffic was heavy and the honking was loud. At this point if max could, he'd just dump the car in any corner and walk the few kilometres himself. But he couldn't. And this added another reason as to why he hated this Grand Prix so much.

Try something else, he told himself. Disconnect. Max turned on the radio flipping through the channels every two seconds when his ear caught something. His stomach was flipped upside down and he was pretty sure he felt like his lungs would explode.

"You broke up with Y/N L/N recently." "Yeah, I have." "But she was such a nice girl." "She is. She really is. She wasn't clingy or needy. Like the perfect amount." "And beautiful as well." "Very beautiful, if you get what i mean." The men on the podcast laughed. Max felt him self frown. How dare they talk about you like this was some sort of goldy locks story.

"Yeah, She's perfect and all. But she's really hung up on her ex. You didn't even have to ask her, you could just look at her and tell that she wanted something else. I'm not going to say names, but the guy really fucked her up."

fucked her up? Max felt his heart skip a beat, or even more likely, it stopped beating at all. He turned the radio off quickly, gripping the steering wheel till his knuckles bled white. Of course he had fucked you up, no wonder things went the way they did. They shouldn't have went that way. He should've never gotten his rival team's boss' daughter to fall for him.

No! What was Max thinking? The months he spent with you were the best things that have ever happened to him. It wasn't his fault. How would he know the Mercedes and Red Bull relationship would grow so bitter. How would he knew you'd be caught in the cross fire. He spends one winter break with you and then it all rips to shreds.

Was that why you changed your Last name? So he wouldn't find you? Must've been since it did work in your favour.

Y/N L/N.

★ ☆ ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Y/N L/N, Max thought as he typed the name into google. Your face was the first thing to pop up and Max had to hold down a gulp.

You definitely grew up. The playful and bubbly aura to the girl had almost completely dissipated, leaving a quiet and mature woman who looked very serious and uninterested, with a defiantly much more womanly body, enough to get you on the cover of vogue.

"You okay, mate?" Max looked up seeing Checo. They were gonna do the opening ceremony at any moment and the world champion did not look like he was in his head. Max quickly swiped off the tab and shrugged. "Nothing, just some drama." The blond waved it off, tucking the phone in his pocket.

The teams were being announced, starting with HAAS all the way up in the constructor ranking. "I never took you for a person to be interested in drama and stuff." Well, Checo was correct: Max wasn't into that kind of thing. He just happened to stalk his ex by accident since he couldn't get the thought of her out of his head.

★ ☆ ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

"You lied to me." You huffed, stuffing your hands in your pockets, refusing to take a step further. "I didn't lie to you, technically. I just didn't tell you." Your friend shrugged, hooking her arm with yours and forcefully pulling you along while you tried to resist. "I don't want to be here, you tricked me." "I did."

It was certainly a sight. Lady gaga dragging Y/N L/N at the paddock of the Las Vegas GP. "The cars dont bite, N/N." "Yeah! That's because I'll be the one biting you!" The woman quickly let go of you at the threat. You went to walk out only to find people looking at you with exited and confused eyes. The exit was now too far.

With a dissatisfied sigh, you held out your hand and Lady Gaga took it, continuing to pull you along. "Today's just the race. So we'll watch. We'll wave the flag and then we'll leave." "I'm not waving the flag." "I'll do it."

You folded your arms, watching from the bottom of the grid on the side as the drivers arrived on the grid. The cars were lined up with car #16 and #1 on the top row, thankfully far away from you. Thankfully, the Mercedes were also far enough as well. You definitely wouldn't stand out in some non-flashy hoodie and shorts. You would've dressed better if you knew you were going to end up being forced into this.

People didn't really notice you at all, more concentrated on the drivers and celebrities. But they soon did notice you, a celebrity being pointed at by a driver. 'No way' Danny ric mouthed, face bright with surprise, a wide smile and arched eyebrows. He waved you over, and waved even harder when you shook your head in decline. You didn't want to appear rude. So you stood to his side, side hugging him as he rambled on about how much you missed. And you listened. You couldn't hate danny. he was like a big brother since f1 was practically your life.

"You should've told me you were coming, ya know." "I didn't even know I was coming." You chuckled, looking around.

FUCK! you looked away quickly, cutting the eye contact with Max short. Bad idea. Very bad idea. You thought, heart hammering in your chest.

"He still loves you." "Huh?" You looked up at Daniel confused. "Max." "no no." you shook your head. "He does." "he doesn't." "He was searching you up." You paused. "I saw it, your name on google." "That's called stalking—" "But he still thinks of you." "good point . . ." "You should think about it, considering how things ended. I think you should at least be on the same page." ". . . thank you danny."

★ ☆ ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

"Oh shit." You looked at gaga confused. "Hold this for a second, something's in my eye." She handed you the chequered flag, more like shoved it into your chest while she went to fix her eyelash.

"A little faster." Your hurried, hearing the cars come around turn 17. But gaga took a step back continuing to try and fix her issue. With a huff, you stepped forward, leaning your body on the railing, waving the flag just in time for Max who crossed first.

When all the cars finished the last lap you finally took a step back, flexing your wrist tiredly from doing all these Xs. You turned to see Gaga smiling at you, her eyelashes long forgotten because there wasn't an issue all along.

"You suck." You grumbled, and she laughed taking the flag from you. And just like that, finally you were able to get out of there. The crowds were too busy watching the podium ceremony to see you exit and leave through the parking lot.

You plopped in your car, turning on the engine. You couldn't bring yourself to drive out though. The excuse would be that the engine was still not warm enough. But really, you didn't want to leave behind those blue eyes again. they deserve an explanation for what they read that night two and a half years ago. But it's not like max would know you're waiting for him, or find you if that's the case. How would he know you're waiting for him in your car?

Well however he knew, he knew. The passenger door was opened and the Dutch man sat in the seat next you. You didn't even realize he had been looking for you throughout the whole parking lot, hoping to see you again. You've been looking down at your hands for goodness knows how long. You only looked up one you heard him cup his hands together and blow into them.

You cleared your throat, turning the seat warmer on for him. He must've gotten used to the warm Monaco weather for a cold city like this. The two of you sat in silence for a couple minutes. You didn't dare to look back at him, because you knew he was looking at you. And if you looked at him, who knows what would happen next because for sure you're still fucking dying to kiss him.

"Max, I'm sorry." / "Y/N, I'm sorry."

The two of you froze, looking at each other. "You go first." Max nodded.

You took in a deep breath, trying to collect your thoughts. "I didn't mean to end things that way." and i didn't want it to end, you wanted to add but opted to leave that out. "Torger barged in my room and told me to end it right then and there. I didn't really have a say in anything." You sighed deeply, scratching the back of your neck. A moment of silence dawned in the car until Max spoke again.

"That explains the spelling mistakes." he chuckled lightly, opening his phone and scrolling through until he found your message chat. You could see the 'ts pver' and 'domt tezt or tqlj to me wver afqin' messages at the bottom. an un received message holding the words 'wait what?' 'baby whats going on' you never saw these messages, you'd blocked him by then.

"We should've talked." You admitted. "In person- discussed things. This wasn't fair to you . . . I really am sorry. I should've never let someone take control of me like that. I ended up hurting you."

". . . I always thought you hated me." You sprung up eyes wide as you turned to him. "No no. Never." You shook your head. You weren't even over him. "I don't hate you, I never did, Max. You're too amazing and important to me for that." You didn't even realize the words coming out of your mouth.

The words that led the blond to cup the back of your neck and pull you into a kiss. A kiss he'd been waiting almost 3 years for.

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ghouly-boiiiii · 24 days

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Does Max give anyone else major twist villain vibes???

Okay I haven't talked about Max much yet, but I think it's kinda wild to see people talking about him like he's just this sweet innocent cinnamon roll when my read on his character was the COMPLETE opposite.

I mean yes, he does seem very sweet. He's very soft spoken. Naive in a way like Lucy, but not as much. Kinda vulnerable. Got a killer smile. And some of the moments with him and Lucy are super cute and adorable. But damn if he doesn't have a DARK side!

Like I've heard people say that Max is stupid or that Aaron Moten's acting is bad, but hell no. Aaron Moten sold me on his acting during the interrogation scene. Max was scared shitless and I FELT that. I think Max was meant to be played as a character who lacks understanding about certain things and seems disconnected from people due to both being brought up in basically a cult and having an inherent lack of empathy.

You think about the fact that he admitted he wanted Dane to get hurt, someone who's supposed to be his best friend. How he coldly sat there and watched Titus die. And before that stood there and watched him get mauled by a bear, almost like he was fascinated by it and wanted to see what was gonna happen. The fact that he tried to kill Thaddeus the moment he became a threat, even though the two of them had appeared to have bonded and developed a genuine friendship. And let's not forget he was willing to let all of Vault 4 get plunged into darkness just so he could keep playing with his power armor.

Max wants to be a knight, he wants to be a hero. And I think he tells himself he wants it for the right reasons, but I think what he REALLY wants is power and recognition. Which is really what every (okay maybe not every, but a lot) good villain wants, right? Because at the end of the day Max wants what Max wants. He's selfish, even though he doesn't think he is.

And sure, he's nice to Lucy. And he went balls to the wall to save her when he thought Vault 4 was gonna execute her. But she's a pretty girl who helped him and offered him a safe home. When she gave him the proposition that if she helped him bring back the head, he would have the Brotherhood lend her some knights to save her dad, he KNEW he couldn't make that promise. But he made the deal anyway. So he doesn't REALLY care about her or what she wants.

And that blank stare he gets when he gets mad? ACTUALLY terrifying. The guy's got serious psychopath vibes. Literal anti-social personality disorder, if you ask me. In fact the first thing I thought about when Max let Titus die is this kids going to end up going to the dark side lol.

And I think that would work really well thematically if they plan on giving The Ghoul a redemption arc beside it. There are so many parallels between Lucy and The Ghoul, and they have such a strong connection to the beginning when the bombs dropped. I get that Max is there to represent the Brotherhood and he's from Shady Sands, the town Hank destroyed, but it felt weird that he didn't seem to be AS important in the grand scheme of things compared to Cooper and Lucy.

But if Max turned out to be a badass twist villain to thematically contrast Cooper's redemption arc, while Lucy remains steadfast to her commitment to goodness and the golden rule I feel like that would really round it out. It would make sense if you consider a lot of people have pointed out that Lucy, Cooper and Max all seem to represent different play styles and different moral alignments. And I think it'd be pretty crazy if the writers of the show set out to make it seem like Ghoul is a bad guy and Max is a good guy, but then it ended up being the opposite.

I mean, there are definitely hints all over the show that The Ghoul isn't as bad as he may seem. And Max has already done some pretty messed up stuff, so I'd say the possibility is totally there, and I'd be here for it!

Who's with me???

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blublublujk · 6 months

Text

bound 2 (falling in love)

oneshot

word count: 6.5k

genre: fwb to lovers

pairing: yoongi x reader

summary:

You and Yoongi were okay with being friends with benefits... until you weren't.

warnings: i tried to focus on fluff (did you catch it or did i fail), explicit sexual content; unprotected sex (they make love to each other), choking and breath play (hello it's yoongi), multiple orgasms, slight overstimulation, crying (is it really my ff if there's no crying involved), creampie, very cute aftercare and i think that’s all, this is more sweet than anything lol

a.n: believe it or not this wasn't apart of my drafts i wrote this all one night because i couldn't sleep so thank my insomnia for this, it was about time i write about yoongi :D

also i noticed a lot of you are reading it was destiny and love always wins and i wish you guys wouldn't only because i plan to rewrite some of it and continue them at a further time (chaptered ffs are so hard for me rn since i don't have all the time in the world to dedicate myself to them but i promise to be back with those two series) thank you for everyone who takes time to read what i write it really means so much and your comments have been so motivating. thank you so fucking much for 2k notes on good girl, gone bad i havent seen numbers like that ever im so so grateful, thank you from the bottom of my heart. i'll try to be back one or two more times this month and happy late birthday to me hehe <3

—> m.list

—> welcome me on ao3 & twt

—-

It happened again.

Another failed date to add to the sad list of people that simply will never workout for you.

The list was growing longer as months passed. When you started this list, it was barely the start of a very hot summer. Probably the hottest it’s been in years, one can only assume the winter will not be any easier.

And you were right. Winter was only beginning and it was brutally cold. The streets were moist from the previous night of harsh rainfall.

What better time to date and settle down than now. When the world gives you rain, settle for the warm arms of a lover.

Unfortunately, you made a grave mistake thinking this would come easy. Ten first dates later and you are still very single and loverless.

It is not easy to go out during a time like now, suffering at the sight of happy couples and their stupid happy lives. Really, it should disgust you. It used to. The whole concept of devoting your entire life to someone. The need to constantly feel the tender touch of another person. The desire to fall in love and do it all over again, you get it now. At least, you think you do.

“I don’t think this is gonna work.” The words fall from your mouth in a quiet rush. The man across you sits in silence before he smiles in his loss.

“Don’t worry, I figured. It seems your mind was elsewhere. I know you don’t want to pursue anything romantically, and that’s fine with me, but is everything okay?”

Is everything okay? Well currently, yeah you’re okay. As for your heart, it’s heavy and strangely, you feel there’s a hole in your chest and it needs to be filled. That would fix things, you think. You have been single for so long that you forgot what it was like to love and cherish someone. Not that you have ever truly loved or cherished anyone, but you’ve gotten close. If a silly relationship you had in your sophomore year of high school counts. Then yes, you’ve totally been in love.

“I’m okay. Thanks for asking. I didn’t mean to lead you on, if it ever felt like I did.” The apology seems bitter in your mouth. Another failed fucking attempt. How difficult can dating be? Have you really been this disconnected with the world around you?

“Don’t stress it! Things happen. I hope you can find what you’re looking for. See you… around?” The man’s understanding response makes you feel worse. Maybe you should consider deleting Tinder and finding love naturally, if that’s still a thing in the contemporary life.

“Yeah, totally!” And like that you’re off to the next. Giving yourself plenty of time to bathe in your disappointment and miserably cry about your failed attempts at finding what you’ve been missing. Who knew dating could be so difficult?

The walk back home is just as cold as the outcome of today’s date. Your date insisted he could drive you home and if not that then pay for a cab, but you didn’t live too far from the restaurant you both met at. Though he insisted, you figured this walk could refresh you after yet another failure. You were starting to regret it as the cold wind started roughly hitting your skin. Preserving the chilly weather, you genuinely couldn’t wait to get home and wrap yourself in a bundle of warm blankets and comfortable clothes.

Cold hands struggle to open your door, you blow on them with warm puffs of breaths, soon making your way in and getting comfortable in your humble apartment.

yoon: you up?

And that, that is what made this harder. The fact that you knew there was someone completely capable of loving and caring for you the way you desired. You have seen it with your own eyes. Every time you ended up in his bed, in his arms, you felt it. Deep down you know something is there and that something beats everything else. Maybe you’re just delusional, but you look for him in everyone else and you hate it. Hate because you will never be anything more than his personal little whore that comes at the sound of his call.

me: yeah

Normally, you aren’t dry over texts, especially not with him so he’ll see right through you. You’re hoping for once, he can ignore it.

He won't.

yoon: you ok?

me: been better

yoon: wanna talk about it?

me: no, i'm ok

yoon: ok, wanna come over?

Yes, because during a time like this all you want is the comfort and warmth of someone else’s touch and Yoongi has never failed at giving that to you. But he is not yours.

And you are not his.

me: not feeling well. sorry.

yoon: sick?

A white lie never hurt anyone.

me: yeah, throat hurts

yoon: im sorry

me: it's not your fault maybe another time.

Though you really shouldn’t say that. There should be no next time. That way you don’t suffer any longer and drag him down with you, considering everything you’ve been feeling and dealing with lately. It’s not fair to Yoongi, but especially yourself.

He doesn’t reply anymore and you can’t even hide your disappointment. You aren’t disappointed at him, okay maybe a little bit at him, but mainly yourself and your recently found complicated feelings.

You and Yoongi started this whole mess a year ago, before you even realized what you truly wanted. It started off with subtle flirting here and there. They say not to mess with coworkers, given that it can complicate things at work and one should never play with their main source of income, but you did it anyway. You are still young and he only made you feel younger, like a teenage girl crushing over her forbidden crush at church. It was silly, but Yoongi made it easy.

The flirting turned to one thing, then another.

“We shouldn’t, not here.” Yoongi had you pinned outside the club you both worked at, leaving trails of wet kisses down your throat.

“Five more minutes.” His words were muffled into your skin as his hands explored your body. Yoongi’s touch was always way too soft for his own good and you fell victim to his deadly warmth.

“If Mr. Kim finds out, he’ll kill us and fire us both.” That was a bit dramatic on your part and you swore you felt the taller smiling against your neck.

Yoongi drops one last kiss on your cheek as his hot breath hits your ear. “Not if I kill him first.”

You gasped, pushing him off you with a quick smack to his chest. “D-Don’t even joke like that.”

Yoongi just laughed.

“Okay, okay baby.” The term of endearment fell from his lips too easily and you melted into the dark night. “See you after work?”

You only nodded, not being able to deny his temporary warmth and sweet presence. Then he dropped a kiss on your lips, leaving you just as quick as when he first found you. You were fucked.

From there, it only got worse for your sake. Your heart could only take so much.

Really, you should blame things on him. It was his fault you fell in love with him and his stupidly soft hands. It was all his fault! He left you no choice but to love the feel of his lips against your skin, to easily melt under his soft gaze, and find comfort in his unnecessarily warm bed. Yoongi was perfect. Everything you could ever want.

That’s why it was so fucking hard. Dating was hard enough, but after feeling Yoongi’s intimate touch, you were a complete goner. Though he was far from it, Yoongi touched you like you were his and he would fuck you like a lover would. Kissing and making love to you as if you were the most beautiful woman on Earth. It was all too much.

Fuck, you really needed to get a grip.

The knock on your door makes you jump from your couch.

Ten minutes longer and you would have fallen asleep exactly where you were lying. In outside clothes and all. You didn’t even bother taking off the outfit you had carefully planned thinking that this lucky outfit would have finally taken you somewhere. It didn’t.

“Coming!” There’s not a single person that should be outside your door, especially at this hour. Your feet make their way to the door regardless and the blood from your face drains when you see the person standing behind the door.

Quickly, you unlock your front door, rushing the taller inside. “Hurry! It’s freezing! What are you doing out here?”

Yoongi’s cheeks are surely frozen, a pink dust decorates his cheeks and the tip of his nose. It almost makes him look cute. You were far more gone than you imagined.

He hustles inside, carrying a fairly large brown bag with him. He brought… groceries?

“Took you long enough.” The taller one makes himself at home, laying his bag on your coffee table.

“What are you even doing here?” You ask again.

He ignores you. “Thought you said you were sick. You don’t look very sick?”

Yoongi looks at you with a questioning look, his eyes wander your outfit and guilt starts eating your insides.

You cross your arms, an attempt to hide yourself in shame, but what’s done is done. “I- I had plans.”

“Yeah, I see that.” He simply says, standing awkwardly in your living area.

If this doesn’t convince you to delete that forsaken app for the sake of your dignity and shameful behavior, you don’t know what will.

“Anyways, w-what brings you here?”

“Brought you some stuff.” His hand waves over to the bag he carried inside.

“Stuff?” You question, a bit dumbfounded, planted still in your place.

“Tea, cough drops, some soup I made earlier this week. Oh and flowers.” Yoongi doesn’t seem at all embarrassed or fazed about the situation. Not that he should be, but he speaks with a puff to his chest, as if he wanted to ensure you understood his every word and action. Like any concerned lover would be. As if he was yours and you were his.

Oh.

This was so so bad. For you and your weak heart. Fuck.

“I-“

He cuts you off before you even get to speak. “I don’t know if you’ll like it. It’s just some plain seaweed soup. Usually helps me when I’m sick. I’m not sure what flowers you like, or if you even like flowers. Do you? Their tulips. I did a bit of research before. My mom likes tulips. I figured you might like them too.”

He did research? Double fuck!

Yoongi was nervously rambling, now he was slightly embarrassed. Pink flushes his cheeks and it wasn’t the weather’s doing this time.

“Yoongi…” You start breathlessly and in disbelief.

“What?” He nearly stutters, his hand is shaking. He’s nervous. Who would have thought?

“Why.” Is all you manage to ask.

“You were sick.” Is all he replies. As if things were really that simple. What next? Would he come rushing to the hospital if you suddenly fell ill? God forbid, but it was a valid question.

What was going on? For a second, you entertain the idea. Maybe he fell in love between the blurry lines of this complicated relationship. Were the shared intimate memories too special for him to forget too? You weren’t sure anymore, but what did this all mean? Maybe he loves you, as much as you love him.

Thoughts keep spinning and you wish there was an easier way to turn off your brain. Not now.

“I know, but why? Why all this? Why for me?” Your vulnerability is showing and it makes you feel weak. Maybe your hands are shaking too.

“I don't understand?” Yoongi searches for the answer in your glossy eyes, he’s tempted to reach out and comfort you. Have you in his hands, but he’s too coward. He doesn’t want you to feel the shiver of his touch right now. His vulnerability peaks through as well.

Why not you? It’s always going to be you.

“I-I’m nothing to you.” There’s a shiver again and then you break.

Yoongi doesn’t care anymore. He’ll consider the consequences later. Right now, none of it matters.

His hands hold your face, ready to wipe the tears that threaten to leak from your precious eyes. He hopes his hands aren't cold anymore from standing outside for so damn long, but he couldn’t stop himself, in his selfishness and all.

His hands shake slightly, trying to stay strong as he lays it all on the table. “Y/N, you’re everything to me.” He whispers, eyes never leaving yours.

You lay your own hands on his, you feel so delicate around him when you wrap warm hands around his cold wrists.

“I-I am?” You ask between sniffles. His hands are still pretty cold, but they’ll soon warm up against your soft skin. Nobody knows how desperately you need to be touched until you are and then it’s like little fireworks spark inside your body. It consumes you in the best way possible.

“Of course. I thought I made that obvious.” His eyes are soft, different to how he typically looks at you, but you’ve seen these same eyes before. They are no stranger. It’s similar to the look he gives you when you catch him staring at you while you are deep in work. He pretends to look away as if he wasn’t admiring you from afar and you pretend that you don’t notice his curious eyes. It’s the same look he has after you both end up in heated makeout sessions, behind the rusty club you both work at. And it’s definitely the same look he has while he settles on top of you, whispering sweet words of praise and promise.

Nothing should feel different but it just does, there’s something in the way he looks down at you that lets you know that everything you’ve been searching for has always been right here. Right where you’ve been all along.

The taller leans in and you freeze struggling to keep your eyes on his. Yoongi’s thumb brushes against your cheek with a soft touch. You were fragile between his hands and he’s willing to do anything to keep his precious flower safe. “Can I kiss you?”

“Yes. Please.” You whisper back in a hurry, scared that this would be nothing but a dream. It wasn’t time for you to wake up yet.

His eyes zero-in on your lips and then he’s kissing you. It’s not much different from other times. After all, you guys have shared plenty of kisses, probably more than you should have considering you guys were friends with benefits, at most. But this time, the kiss isn’t just a careless lust-filled doing, no this time the kiss is a promise. The promise to never again allow you to question his feelings and intentions towards you.

If Yoongi has to spend his whole life making this up to you, he simply would because that’s how much you meant to him. He can’t believe he even let this go on for this long. He should have been more clear and careful, but he doesn’t regret a damn thing. Not when he has all the time in the world to repair the time lost. And especially not when his reckless actions led him to this. To you.

Yoongi’s lips are soft and bend with yours with ease. He takes his time, never in a rush. Especially not when he has you in-hand.

The taller doesn’t escalate the kiss. He keeps it sweet and gentle, like he always has been. “I’m so sorry baby.”

Kiss.

“For?”

Kiss.

Yoongi has the whole world in his hands right now as he looks down into the sparkles in your eyes and he’s never been so sure about anything in his life. “For being a fucking idiot.”

Kiss.

“It’s okay.” A kiss is shared again. “I was an idiot too. I was just scared that you wouldn’t want that with me.”

“Want what?” The taller questions, fingers trailing your face, admiring the imperfections and all.

“A relationship, I mean. You seemed content with how our relationship already was. I was afraid of losing that. Of losing you.” You admit, eyes fluttering at his touch.

“Of course, I want that. I want that and more. I-I’m not the best with relationships. I’m only saying this because I want to be open and honest with you. There’s not a second you aren’t on my mind. While at work, you are all I can see. In a crowd of a hundred, my eyes always find yours. I don’t know how to explain what you do to me. But I don’t mind. I think if I ever lost that, I would lose my mind. So I’m sorry if I ever made you feel the opposite. There’s so much more I want to say, but I just don’t know how. I want that. I want that so bad. A relationship and whatever more you give me. I might not be the best boyfriend but I’ll do whatever it takes. I- I love you.” Yoongi’s words are heartfelt and he’s so relieved. One because he’s been keeping this in for so long, any longer and he would have exploded, but second because he’s been dying to say those three words. He really does love you and Yoongi doesn’t love many people in life, but if he had to choose, it’s always gonna be you.

The tears that were creeping on your eye-lids fall prettily down your face, but Yoongi comes to your rescue. He’s quick to wipe them off your pretty face, tempted to kiss them away, but he keeps that in for now. “Y-Yoongi… I love you too. So much. I think I always have. You are so easy to love. The way you look at me, care for me, and always show up for me. That says more about you than anything else. I tried dating to get over what I felt for you, as you can probably tell, but nothing worked. It was so easy, Yoongi. So easy to fall in love with you. You’re perfect and I don’t doubt that you’ll be the best even after all this. I love you.”

“I love you too, I love you. Fuck, I love you.” Yoongi kisses you again and this time he isn’t as gentle. His lips are still soft as ever as they curl around yours. His tongue comes out and you immediately allow access, letting him explore your mouth. The taste is much better now that there isn’t anything you both are holding back. Everything down on the line and you couldn’t be happier. The hole in your heart was never empty, it was just waiting for this exact moment to remind you that you’ve always had it all.

“Yoongi.” In between breaths you call his name and Yoongi feels his knees lock. “Take me to bed.”

Yoongi just nods in a trance with the way your tone drips of arousal. A long strand of hair falls on his face when he picks you up with ease off your feet. He takes you to the place he’s had the honor to visit a hundred times before, but it’s different this time, much different.

In the process of it all, something falls and it causes you both to laugh until you run out of breath.

“I can’t believe that just happened.” You laugh into his ear. “You owe me a new lamp. My mother bought me that, you know. House-warming gift.”

“Fuck, sorry.” Yoongi mumbles near a whisper as he grips you harder like he’s afraid he might drop you next and the idea makes you giggle because you know he would never purposely hurt you. “I’ll apologize to your mother directly. Buy you and her a new lamp, whatever it takes.”

“What makes you think you are meeting my mother?” You tease with a smile on your face, watching the blush rise on his cheeks.

“Well, I figured we could, you know, if you would like–” Yoongi doesn’t often get shy about many things but he can’t keep calm around you and that kills him softly.

“I’m just teasing you.” You say and he bites his lip. “Of course you’ll meet my mother and my father and my nosy ass family. I hope you like annoying, persistent grandma’s that stuff you full. My grandma’s the worst of her kind, but she’ll love you.”

“I would love to.” Yoongi simply replies, still whispering as if you guys had to keep quiet or else you’d be in deep trouble.

“Why are we still whispering?” You whisper back, roaming fingers through his long, gorgeous hair. He needs to remind you to thank his mother personally for insisting he keep his hair long because it made him look pretty and you could never disagree. Yoongi’s so pretty.

“I-I don’t know.”

You both smile at each other before sharing another kiss. It’s so sweet and if you weren’t already off your feet, you would be floating by now. He’s gentle when letting you drop into the sheets below, he finds space between your legs and you wrap them around his hips. Lips still in contact, never losing the plushy feel.

Everything starts to feel hot. Your hips start to slowly grind against his begging for any sort of friction. But the kissing doesn’t stop.

Not when you start whining against his lips.

Not even when Yoongi starts trailing his fingers down your waist and around your curves. He teases his fingertips against your waistline, soft to the touch.

It’s not until you mewl loudly into his mouth, skillful tongue playing with yours, as you feel him start unbuckling your pants, button-by-button.

Yoongi’s eyes are heavy-lidded, his gaze burning fire. “Gonna take care of you now, is that okay?”

You furiously nod, coming up to kiss him once more, both your lips are raw and sensitive, but it gives you more of a reason to fix it with even more kisses.

He drops one quick kiss onto your mouth before he trails down your jaw. Yoongi breathes in the sweet scent on your skin, wishing he could feel you even closer. “Smell so damn good.”

His voice is raspy against your ear and it makes you blush, while you feel his hand finally touch you where you had been aching with need. “Wanna hear you.”

Breathing lightly, you whisper. “Make me.”

And of course, Yoongi makes you regret how fast you said the words because he delves his fingers forward with little resistance. Two fingers stretch you at the same time, gasping at the sudden sensation.

By now, you were molded to fit Yoongi’s fingers. On days where you were really in need, you would take four, all at once. Yoongi was best at reading every expression, every crease and scrunch to your face, especially emotions. He knew exactly how to curve his fingers, the way to build you up, and bring you back down. Yoongi knew it all and he was so lucky too.

He never anticipated it would have gone this far. It was just sex to begin with. But who were you both kidding, it was always much, much more.

Yoongi curves his fingers in the way he’s used to and watches your mouth drop, sweet noises soon leaving your lips. “Feels good?”

There’s no need to ask because he can tell. Your expression tells him everything he needs to know. That and the fact that you are dripping around his fingers but it’s sexier hearing it from you.

“Yeah… f-feels so good.” With his other hand he tugs your clothes off, leaving you bare on the bottom. Remembering the first few times is a bit embarrassing, but Yoongi always made sure to take his time and make you feel comfortable. It was special and memorable in its own way, and Yoongi felt it too.

This is unlike any first time, but it was technically the first time you could officially make love to each other until you fall lovesick and that had to be impossible around someone like Yoongi.

“Hold your legs open for me, flower.” You try to ignore the warm feeling that buzzes in your chest, but you are sure your face says it all. Without another word, you spread your legs open, tucking both hands behind your thighs.

“Flower?” You breathe out with a bit of a struggle as his two fingers continue to pump deep inside you, brushing repeatedly against your g-spot.

“Do you not like it?” Yoongi smiles slightly, biting his bottom lip while he watches you start to tremble, making the prettiest sounds.

“I do. Why the new name?” Voice a bit unsteady but it does the job. Yoongi thinks of all the times he thought you were as pretty as a flower, which really was all the time. Especially, in the way he has you right now. Pretty, pretty as a flower.

“I’ve always wanted to call you that. You’re pretty, sweet, delicate. Just like a flower.” He justifies his reasoning and you melt into puddles.

“Yoongi.” Voice sweet as honey.

“Yes baby.” He replies with ease.

“Make love to me, Yoongi.”

There was a time in his life where Yoongi believed he could live without love. How foolish of him to think so. When he met you, it was a complete three-sixty. Suddenly, Yoongi started to look forward to his shit job. He looked forward to that time between breaks where he could admire you from the back like a pinning loser. Yoongi even started to like the walks he had to take to get to work because he knew that the path would eventually lead to you. He started looking forward to tomorrow's and to the bright future that led ahead. His mom would often complain that he was wasting his life away waiting for it to start, but Yoongi thinks life truly started the day he met you.

It was a bit awkward because you couldn’t even look him in the eyes, intimated by the staff and new environment. You had previously worked in different bars so you assumed it would be no different and it wasn’t, but the intimidation of a new job was there nonetheless. Yoongi was there every step of the way. He had a crush on the new employee and you needed help on fitting in. Either way, your friendship was very platonic until it wasn’t.

Yoongi knows he should have said something along the lines “hey, maybe we shouldn't be doing this anymore. I’m in love with you and I have been since you started working here” but the stupid words never made it out. He felt it would be too much to hear and it would only make him look like a complete loser.

And you felt the same. It was silly really, because everyone around you knew it and there was no reason to fear someone as easy going and non-judgemental as Yoongi, nonetheless it brought you both here. After many failed dating attempts, you were finally happy and in the arms of someone who you truly love and want to be loved by.

There was a time in his life where Yoongi believed he could live without love, now Yoongi believes your precious, sweet love brought him back to life and he wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.

Clothes now discarded on the floor, heavy breathing filling the room, and Yoongi could get wasted on the smell of your intoxicating perfume. “Breathe flower.”

Yoongi felt you shiver at the sound of his words, throwing your head back as he thrusts you full of cock. He pushes inside you with gentle movements, struggling to keep himself up while feeling the tug of your warm velvet-like walls.

You gasp feeling him hit your cervix in a calm, slow pace. It was breathtaking regardless of the gentle rhythm. “You’re so deep...”

“I know flower, breathe baby, breathe.” He is struggling to keep from coming inside you, overwhelmed by his own emotions as your eyes roll back, feeling the pressure rise in your belly. Without a condom, everything feels so different from other times, feeling every ridge and crease fold inside your drenching heat. You take him so nicely, like you always have. Like you’ve always belonged to him.

You don’t even notice you stopped breathing until you start feeling lightheaded and desperate for fresh air. Breathing just as much as necessary so you don’t faint, you shake your head against his hold, his eyes watch yours, observing with curiosity.

“No?”

“Mm, n-no.” You shake your head again, whimpering when you feel him kiss your cervix with his swollen tip, over and over and over. “Can– can you…”

“Can I what, pretty flower?” Yoongi rolls his hips a bit faster, feeling his orgasm build too quickly. He wishes he could have days with you like this always. Days to love and worship you from head to toe.

“Choke me.” You manage to say. “Don— don’t wanna breathe.”

Yoongi growls deep, increasing his speed even more, desperate to fill the deepest part of your glistening folds. He feels you tense underneath, the sounds coming from your mouth are loud enough for your neighbors to hear, but Yoongi stopped giving a fuck about everything around him.

He places a hand on your throat and squeezes gently, not blocking off your airways completely, but leaving you just enough air to work with. It drives you insane. The more you breathe, his rough thrusts take the air out from your lungs and the process repeats. It feels so good.

“M-more. Harder.” You barely hear your own words, but Yoongi seems to understand because his dick is moving rapidly inside you, nearly splitting you in two. You wrap both hands around his wrist, loving the heavy weight against your chest. It’ll end too soon and it disappoints you in a way, but you have all the time in the world to make this up. “G-Gonna come.”

Yoongi nods, concentrating on the way your face scrunches with pleasure. With love. The way your eyes tell him a story. God, Yoongi’s madly in love. “Come, my precious flower.”

With those final words, you come on his bare slick cock, blossoming in the blissful afterglow. Yoongi doesn’t stop thrusting inside you, but he takes his hand off your throat, kissing your face gently when he sees tears start leaking down your cheeks.

“It’s okay, you’re okay baby. Breathe for me. Slowly.” Yoongi’s words bring you back down and you throw your arms around him, crying against his shoulder. You don’t even know what invoked this strong emotion to sob your eyes out, but Yoongi allows it, caressing the back of your head. Yoongi doesn’t judge, he only holds you until you settle down. “It’s okay baby, let it out. Breathe, pretty flower.”

“C-Come inside muh-me, please.” Even after all that, you still beg for him and Yoongi wants to laugh but for your sake and the fact that it’s endearing to him, he delivers accordingly without further questions.

Right as he’s going to paint your walls white, he pushes himself up with one hand, still holding you with the other. “You sure?”

You’re confused about the sudden question, the tears still decorate your face but then you understand. “Birth control. Just come in me Yoongi, fuck me, fu-fuck.”

Yoongi doesn’t hesitate to regain his brutal pace, fucking you with purpose. Not that he doesn’t want kids in the near future, but he sure as hell doesn’t want any right now. He’s glad you are on the same page but maybe one day the conversation would spark and he wouldn’t want the mother of his kids to be anyone else but you. You were perfect for him.

“Gonna come.” That’s the only warning you get, then he’s emptying himself inside your tight walls. He doesn’t stop rolling his hips, his slit leaking puddles, until he’s pumped himself dry. With one last thrust, he groans and carefully pulls out.

He brings you with him, head falling against his chest as he continues to play with your hair, leaving kisses into your bare shoulders. “You okay baby?”

“Perfect. Feel so good.” You mumble into his skin, feeling around his waist. “I’m leaking your come into the sheets though.”

“I’ll take care of it, pretty flower.” You nod sleepily into his chest with a quiet ‘thank you’, feeling completely sated and satisfied, aching with exhaustion. “Sleep baby, I got you.”

With that, you fall deep into the shackles of sleep. Yoongi rubs your back until you completely fall asleep in his arms. He struggles to unwrap himself from your hold, but when he finally succeeds, he tucks you in and kisses your cheek a few times before getting up to clean up after the mess you both created.

He’s light on his feet, bringing a warm towel to your slick folds and wipes as best he can, being gentle so you could continue to enjoy your sleep. Even like this, you look so beautiful and Yoongi is an extremely lucky man.

Yoongi makes sure to also pick up the lamp he dropped from earlier as well. He blows out a breath of relief when he notices that the damage is nothing big and nothing that can’t be fixed. He’ll make sure to fix that as soon as he can.

While he’s out there, Yoongi places the tulips into a vase and fills it with water, placing it near a window where it could grow and blossom beautifully near the sunlight. He even cuts the tips into slants because he had heard somewhere online they last longer that way, making sure to get rid of any dead leaves and petals. Yoongi couldn’t be happier.

After he’s done with the light cleaning, he washes his hands and feels the exhaustion hit him tenfold. He’s careful when placing himself back in bed, lifting your arm and placing himself underneath you. The man smiles when he feels you curl yourself around him, sleeping soundlessly.

“I love you.” He whispers and even though you don’t say it back Yoongi feels it with the way you melt into his arms. Yoongi falls asleep easily that night.

…

“Baby.” Yoongi hears someone call him and he ignores it. Sleep calls his name louder and he doesn’t feel like waking up right now so he groans and cuddles deeper into the bedsheets below him, unaware of the life around him.

“Baby wake up.” You keep calling sweetly and it’s tempting but he persists.

“No. Don’t wanna.” Yoongi grumbles like an old man and you can’t help but to laugh. “Just ten more minutes.”

When you woke up the next morning, you were so thankful Yoongi had kept his promise. Your apartment was flawless and you were as clean as you could be. The tulips looked prettier today as the sun shined on the delicate petals. You even had time to warm the seaweed soup he brought from home and you couldn’t wait to get a taste. The smell alone is delicious and it warmed your home up nicely, you truly couldn’t wrap your head around the fact that this was no longer a dream but your reality. You could definitely get used to this.

You drop kisses onto his warm cheeks until his eyes flutter open, almost similar to a cat. “There you are.”

Yoongi pulls you into his arms again with quiet noncoherent grumbles and closes his eyes once more. “Give me ten minutes.”

“It’s already been ten.” You whisper lightly laughing.

“Oh. Ten more then.” You get comfortable on his chest and cuddle for a bit longer because you can’t say no to his cute sleepy self.

Yoongi starts to sniff the air with curiosity. “Is that the seaweed soup I brought you?”

“Mhm.” You hum. “Better get up soon before it burns.”

That manages to be convincing enough and Yoongi forces himself up, with you in his embrace.

“Wanna wake up like that forever.” He says, voice filled with sleep.

“You can.”

Yoongi snaps his heavy eyes towards you. “Are you–”

“Move in with me, Yoongi.” Yes, you skipped every step to this, but nothing was ever to code between you and Yoongi. One thing you were so sure of and that was spending the rest of your life with him. “Please.”

“I- yes, of course.” Yoongi wraps his arms around you for a tight hug, kissing your temple. “I love you. I love you and I’ll prove it to you every single day.”

“I know, I love you too. I love you.” Those three words come out from your mouths so easily and it’s nice that you no longer have to ever hold back. The man of your dreams is in the palms of your humble home and he’s in love with you. This was better than any dream.

“Let’s eat?” He says after some time of hugging and kisses being interchanged.

You nod, letting him take you there. Your kitchen is filled with the cruel aroma of food and your tummy rumbles as you sit comfortably while you wait for him to serve you a bowl of the warm tasty soup.

“I should be doing that. I’m a terrible host.” Yoongi shakes his head while smiling, the fluff of hair moving with him, then your phone dings. “Hold on, give me a second.”

Your heart drops when you see it is a Tinder notification from a man you promised to get back to. You look over to find Yoongi serving your bowl, making his way to the table. He leans in puckering slightly and you immediately lean into the sweet sudden kiss while he places your meal in front of you. This Yoongi is new because it wasn’t often you could act domestically towards one another, however this was perfect and just what you needed.

“Everything okay baby?” Yoongi asks while caressing your soft cheek and you immediately nod in his palm.

“Yes, everything’s perfect.” You reply in awe. “Thank you Yoongi, for everything.”

For letting me love you and for loving me back.

The older man just smiles and joins you for the meal.

It turns out you didn’t need Tinder after all.

You quickly delete the app off your phone and start to eat with the love of your life, conversation flows while you enjoy each other’s presence and fall deeper in love.

Alike Yoongi, you couldn’t imagine it happening any other way. You were bound to fall in love, one way or another, but that man was meant to be yours as you were meant to be his.

#yoongi fanfic #yoongi fluff #yoongi smut #bts fanfic #yoongi x reader #bts fluff #bts x y/n #yoongi x y/n #yoongi x you #bts smut

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elsfairy · 10 months

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ᥫ᭡ HOLD ME WHEN IT GETS TOO MUCH ─ 𝐕𝐈𝐎𝐋𝐄𝐓

Violet hasn’t been able to trust herself with anyone since coming back from Stillwater. She kept to herself, and only spoke to people when she really needed to, but other than that, she avoided any type of friendship and form of romance that she could. Simply to protect her feelings, emotions, vulnerability, and trust.

When she arrived home, it was different. Of course, everything was going to be different, she’s missed out on so many things over the years from being confined in a small space to looking at the same 4 walls for such a long period of time. She didn’t have that strive in her to find the people who knew what she looked like, what she sounded like, or who loved her. She wanted to seal herself off, not let anyone in and know her, the real her again.

What was the point of trying so hard to build up that relationship with someone when people would either hate you for ‘leaving’ or for completely falling off the face of the earth?

How would she gain the trust of those who cared & loved her again?

No one tried to search for her when she left, so why should she search for that little part of the care that was still there before she was gone?

It was simple, really. She couldn’t.

Vi felt like she didn’t deserve that second chance, because she pretty much became a ghost.

Until she spotted you the second she found herself cramming her way into the very crowded Last Drop.

To her, you were like a shining star. A star that couldn’t be brought down no matter how many rude customers you had to endure, or had to throw out. You were still fuckin’ smiling your way through your job. Had to break up a fight between two idiots arguing over something so pointless yet so big to them? She felt weak in the knees that you were still so polite and kind towards the two strangers. Wasn’t feeling the best? Vi envied how you pushed through without complaints. You were that light energy she didn’t even realize she was looking for until you had looked at her, waved her over and simply poured her a drink with a soft, gentle “on the house”

Simply & constantly believed that she didn’t think she deserved that second chance right?

You could see how.. disconnected she felt even though Zaun was is her home. Sure she would sit there and listen to you talk about what your day consisted of, and if anything exciting had happened but she wasn’t fully there. It was always like her body and brain weren’t even on the best terms because while she was there with you, it was like her soul had left and she was just.. a broken shell and had nothing going for her.

Over the weeks of getting to somewhat know the Violet you’ve heard about, you truly did realize how much she turned off at the mention of friends she once knew, or walked off at the mere mention of Powder. She didn’t wanna hear about how she let them down, nor did she want to relieve the pain she felt knowing she couldn’t protect them hard enough as so many would put it. Talking about it only made her feel shitter and want to crawl deeper into the dark pit she can never seem to fully crawl out from.

Realistically, it didn’t take her that long to open up to you, nor did it take her long to finally have her trust put into someone that she knew would keep it. Of course she was still skeptical if you were there to stay, but not having someone she could call for advice, or to just sit there and listen to her, drained her. Her social battery without being very social was killing her and to know she finally had you, someone she felt safe with to call somewhat home? That meant more to her than you’d ever know.

The time window was small, but big enough whenever she needed you. She needed you like butter needed bread. She needed you like paper needs glue. If you weren’t around, Violet would panic. Not because she felt harmed or scared of Zaun, but more or so was scared to be left alone with the thoughts only you knew about. The ones that slither in at random times of the day. Ones that crept up on her when she finally felt at peace for just a second. Your bright smile, those star shining eyes kept all of those horrendous thoughts spiralling through her mind, at a distance.

She may not have been around you for long periods of time, but she trusted you.

She might be scared to let you know of all the sacred stories she has to tell, but she believed you.

Violet believed you when you once on a cold night, whispered those 4 soft words; “I’m here for you”

That’s how one night she felt like she world was slowly closing in on her, she felt like breathing wasn’t an option because she simply couldn’t feel her heartbeat due to the feeling that all those thoughts, all the trauma, and the feeling of being alone, attacking her any given chance. Which is the same night she somehow turned up at your small apartment, drenched from the rain, teeth chattering as she just looked at you with those soft, big doe eyes, and eye bags that were darker than your usual cup of tea. It wasn’t until you heard how tired she sounded, that you could feel just how broken she felt.

“You’ve given me all this attention that I don’t think I deserve, you’ve helped me heal slowly and you’ve been there when I thought I lost everyone so I'm begging you, just for tonight… no talking, no thinking, can you just hold me instead? please i just need you to hold me.. because I’m scared I’m forgetting what being held felt like”

Right now she’s not okay, but as time goes on she will heal and you’ll be there every step of the way. Even if that means holding her every single night while she cries her heart out to you, and you’re there listening. She’ll knows she will be okay, with you by her side.

Her home.

#hi #vi x reader #vi x you #vi fluff #vi angst #vi arcane #vi fic #arcane violet #violet arcane

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georgiapeach30513 · 14 days

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Much Too Fast, Part 4

Summary: time for some truth

Pairings: Curtis Everett X Reader

Rating: mild

Warnings: language, mild sexual imagery, 18+ ONLY

Word Count: 4.2K

Series Masterlist

To say that your mind has been racing since that night with Curtis would be an understatement. You and Curtis had this raw — attraction. And even that is putting it mildly. You had long given up on the fact that it was just sexual attraction. That is clearly there. My god was it there. Every night your body hungered for him. Could still feel his hands all over your body, and the way that he stretched you out, but it still felt like he fit perfectly.

You never thought you would ever see him again, and this predicament that you are in is nauseating. You have to see him every day, and you get to see him with a child. Not just a child, but this sweet clingy baby. She is completely a daddy’s girl, and you find him so much more attractive because of it. And it sucked. And not the good kind of suck. The worst kind. The kind that is irritating because you can’t do anything about it.

He is married. Regardless of whatever their relationship was or is, he is still legally married. Tati hadn’t been in the house long enough for you to see if he did in fact sleep alone or with her. Poet had space in his room, and yeah, you were nosy and checked her mom’s room, and there was no signs of Tati being a mother or Poet having space there. It looked just like a staged room that

The living room is decorated in black and white photos of the sweet baby, and even of Curtis and her, and you have discovered only one where Tati was photographed with her daughter. You could completely be projecting, but you didn’t see the same glow about her or warmth in her eyes like you did Curtis’. And you wondered if Tati resented Curtis for making her have Poet.

The sentiment that she didn’t want her baby lingered in your mind. And you fully believed women should have the right to choose the path for themselves, but you couldn’t imagine a life without Poet. It puts you in such a predicament because you love this baby, and you find yourself judging Tati for the life she didn’t want, but chose for someone else. And clearly she let Curtis take the brunt of the responsibility. As is her right, and Curtis didn’t seem to mind.

But watching the sweet baby crawl around her play area while you make her something to eat, and she sits up to jabber away at you makes your heart swell. Bursting wide open because you want to give her all the mothering love you could. Something inside of you told you that Tati didn’t make that a priority. It is a weird sick cycle that she was present enough to say she’s a mother, and then away more than you were told to live the life that she actually wanted.

It put Poet in a an uncomfortable limbo. She could never be at ease in her own home, and that hurts your heart more than anything. That this small baby who could only crawl knew there is a disconnect between her and her mother. And it made you that much more protective of her, and also believe Curtis’ words more because why would he lie? He didn’t seem like the one that struggled to find someone to have sex with.

Of course you told yourself that he was someone who couldn’t just sleep with anyone. Even though he slept with you after knowing you for a few hours. But that was completely different. There was an odd connection. Hopefully you aren’t just thinking that to make yourself feel better about that one night stand. But what were the chances that you were thrust into his life in a more permanent way?

How was it that this guy you met one night was the very same guy that you were hired to watch his daughter? Was this divine intervention in your life or was this a sign for you to stop thinking everything is connected. That those coincidences still actually happened in life.

“Hey, sweet girl,” you coo, reaching in to pick her up. Lavishing kisses all over her sweet face before carrying her into the kitchen for lunch. “Now, don’t you make a mess and be all cute with your crusty face today, okay?”

“‘Tay,” she giggles, leaning her head into your neck. She is one of the most precious babies you have ever met. She wasn’t quite a year old and she has this great personality. She says a slew of words, adding in dada and mama pointing and moving her eyebrows like she’s carrying on a real conversation.

“Oh, I know. You and daddy are best friends. And he is naughty and lets you sleep in the bed with him when you wake up crying, doesn’t he?” More giggles and nonsense, and you hand her the plate with her own spoon. You are supposed to let her feed herself first before you make sure she gets plenty of nutrition.

“Yep, you’re an independent lady, and you don’t need daddy to cater to you.”

“Yep,” she responds, shoving a handful of food into her mouth. You didn’t care if she got messy. Babies were supposed to get messy. That’s what bathtime was for. Or a quick rinse and pool time. “Uhh!” She gets excited, hearing the alert that someone is pulling into the property. “Dada!”

“I don’t think that’s him,” she couldn’t be swayed, and she has a chorus of ‘Dada’ ringing out into the kitchen. Cars coming in meant her daddy was coming and home to her, but a quick message from Tati this morning, you knew it was finally her return.

“Dadadadadadadadada!” She squeals all the way until Tati walks through the door, sweetly saying Poet’s name as she puts her luggage down. “Uhh,” clearly that isn’t who Poet wanted to see. And as Tati rounds the corner into the kitchen the baby’s frown deepens. Pouting up at you as her mom barely kisses her forehead.

Tati looks even more put together than you remember. She supposedly just returned home, and every bit of her is in place. Perfect hair, perfect makeup, perfect manicure, an outfit that clung to every curve. She even smells fresh and expensive. Obviously flying treated her better than it did you. You are nothing like Tati. You feel homely and plain next to her in her giant heels and long legs.

“Someone acts like she needs a nap with how mood she is, and…a bath. Darling, mommy is going to take a long nap. Grace, do you mind keeping her this evening? I don’t know Curtis’ plans, but I have dinner reservations that I can’t miss,” so much for wanting to spend time with her daughter. Already making plans to be with someone else. No, you can’t judge her. She didn’t want this life. But you wished she would stop hiding behind a facade of a happy family life.

“The place looks incredible. I knew you could keep it up to my standards. Poet, you look as if you’ve grown a few inches,” most parents would feel sad about their child growing, and missing it. She seems to just state the obvious. “How has everything been here?”

“It’s been great,” it was even hot when her husband was willing to fuck you in the pool.

“I hope her daddy has been hospitable to you,” yeah, he’s had his hard cock pressed against your core, while you could only think about his relationship with his wife. “Anyways, I think I’m going to go for a bath, and a nap. Carry on.”

“Tati, can I ask you a question without sounding too forward?” She sighs, but nods her head. Nervously looking at Poet, and you didn’t even want to talk about her daughter. You want to know more about her husband. “Umm, Curtis and you don’t share a room?”

“He snores, and I can’t sleep,” lies. He didn’t snore that much, and their rooms are on opposite sides of the giant house, and on different floors.

“It’s just he’s in a much smaller room beside Poet’s on the main floor.”

“Was he bothering you in the pool? I told him and his slutty…I mean, I might have mentioned that you were given free range of the pool, and he shouldn’t bother you. It’s fine. He’s just a much more hands-on parent than me. I can’t only parent how I was taught, and that was to continue living your life while you made sure your child had the best of everything including care. And I’m just not good at being a mother. I didn’t want this,” she stops her train of thought. Breathing deeply as she presses her fingers to the bridge of her nose. What started off as questions about Curtis became her ranting about how she parents.

“Parenting is complicated, and every parent is going to do things differently, and I’m not a bad mom. I’m not.”

“Oh, I didn’t — no, you have provided your daughter with a safe environment to grow and learn, and…I think I’m not making myself clear,” while it did bug you that Tati great Poet as an afterthought. But she did in fact make sure her daughter was taken care of. She just had no relationship with her.

“What is this about? It’s my slut husband, huh? Can’t keep it in his fucking pants. I knew it when I first saw you. I knew he was going to come onto you. So have you slept with him?” Oh this is turning the wrong way entirely. “Quite frankly, I don’t care. Curtis and I don’t have that sort of a relationship. But I don’t want you getting involved with a man that has no desire to be tied down,” oh dear.

She is saying the words you’ve been wanting, but also some you’ve feared. “Fine, seeing how Curtis clearly can’t stop from fucking everything with a goddamn pussy, no. We are married legally. We have no emotional ties to one another. Does that solve that? Fuck him, I don’t care. Just know that he’s not reliable. The only person he even cares about is his daughter. And whoever is getting on their goddamn knees.”

“He cares about you,” you say meekly. Curtis had never said anything horrible about Tati, and yet there is major animosity coming from her concerning him. Back to the theory she really disliked him for making her have Poet.

“Yes, cares about the fact that I was able to provide him with a child,” you gulp, turning to look at Poet who stares intensely at you. Like she is avoiding looking at her mother who is spewing vile nonsense about her dad. “This isn’t the most proper conversation to have with you. I apologize, I’m not myself, and I’m tired, it’s been a long day. I’ll need a vacation after my vacation,” you look up at her confused. It was allegedly a business trip. A nearly two week vacation, and she needs another.

“I’m,” she takes a deep breath, watching you and Poet stare at one another, and sighs, “He’s a great guy, but a terrible partner. I don’t need that, and I for damn sure don’t need a fucking man and his need to fucking poke me with their cock every goddamn night. If you excuse me. I need about a three hour nap, and then I’m going out. If you could please make sure she’s taken care of if Curtis isn’t home. You’ll be paid handsomely,” she spins on her heels, heading out of the kitchen, and you look down at the messy baby.

“That didn’t go that well, did it?” She offers you a bit of a smile, covering her face with her messy squished banana hands. “I guess that’s why she’s upstairs and we’re down here. She won’t be able to hear us have fun, huh? You want to get rinsed off, and go swimming?”

“Aye!” She throws her hands up in the air, and your weird interaction with her mother starts to move to the back of your mind instead of the front. Tati is a bit of a liar. She is holding Curtis’ life, and even Poet’s ransom. They couldn’t move forward because she is holding them back. Trapping them in this weird whatevership while she flies off for two week long vacations only to come back to leave again.

You could have left your questions about her relationship private, but at least you had some clarity on their situation from her point of view. They weren’t sleeping together. And it seemed she had no love for her husband. And you wondered if she did for her daughter.

Curtis casually watches you through his blinds. You had acted weird all afternoon, and that is saying a lot considering what had happened between the two of you. You were a bit standoffish. You didn’t make any comment about Tati asking you to watch Poet later than you normally would, and all as she left the house quickly.

He came home to find you and Poet in the sweetest baby yoga moment, and he wished that he was coming home to you and your daughter. Tati in all aspects was an egg donor, but this is what he wanted in life. To see his wife enjoy time with her children. Smiling sweetly in a pose before you help her do her own. He might have looked at your ass in those tight leggings a bit too long. Remembering the way your soft supple skin felt in his grip. Your ass was the perfect size for his hands.

There even was a bit of an argument as he tried to take Poet from you, but you resisted telling him that Tati had asked and she was your responsibility. He just wanted to be closer to you, but it threw him off the way you responded. You never were like that. He knew when he came home and Tati’s car was here that a conversation was had and he didn’t know what.

But now watching you jump into the pool, and come up to the surface, only to swim over to the edge and drink from a beer bottle, he's curious. He should leave you alone for the time being but he couldn’t. There is this weird pull towards you, especially now when he can see that something is wrong. You look distant. Your eyes stare blankly at the water before you lean you head back on the edge. Staring up at the night sky.

He didn’t even want to make an advance, but wants to see if you’re okay. He changes into some swimming trunks before grabbing the baby monitor and a towel as he walks outside. You bite at your lip with the sound of the door opening, but remain unmoving. Seeing how you don’t say anything, neither does he as he eases into the pool. It isn’t until he’s standing right in front of you that you acknowledge he’s there.

Lifting your head up off the edge, you reach behind you, and grab another beer, extending it to him. “You’ve been weird today.”

“Have I?” You answer curtly, grabbing your own beer to take a swig. “You want to tell me the truth between you and your wife, because she really seems to hate you.”

“I see. You talked about me today? Tati’s rendition was very glowing I bet. Someone who is scared of commitment. That I’m only using you for the cunt between your legs,” the fact he knew the basic parts of your conversation means that this has happened before. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m not the one gallivanting all over the world with my girlfriend. Shit,” he whispers, realizing what he just announced. Everything makes sense now.

Your mouth opens wide as you stare at him before you place the bottle to your lips and start chugging. Of all the things he could have said, you weren’t exactly expecting that. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

Finishing your beer, you contemplate grabbing another one, but instead try to think of something to say. “Girlfriend as in her best friend? Like they just do everything together?”

“No.”

“It’s complicated, huh? So, you’re married to a woman who is dating another woman, and doesn’t want to be a mother, but doesn’t want to admit to that. She’s holding you and Poet essentially hostage because she can’t tell her parents that she’s a lesbian. First it was she didn’t want them to know she was pregnant out of wedlock, but you wanted the baby, and now she’s…I’m just trying to wrap my brain around all this. She’s very angry at her situation.”

It’s Curtis’ turn to turn the beer completely up as he downs the hoppy liquid, and places it on the side of the pool before he grabs another. It is out there now, so there was no point in denying anything. “She’s angry because she’s living a lie.”

“She has more means than most people do. She’s rich, and a grown fucking adult. There’s kids who come out to their parents, and risk being kicked out. She’s a damn adult,” you’re seething. You didn’t care what Tati did with her life, but her life and lies are affecting two people she should love. Two that are stuck. Poet didn’t even seem to like her mom. Definitely didn’t have a loving relationship with her, and Curtis is allowing this to continue as well.

“You don’t understand,” he is really taking up for her. This horrible woman that has stunted his and his daughter’s lives.

“Then make me,” you plead. You need to understand, because you are getting too involved. “Do you want to know what she said about you?”

“I already know. She thinks I want to fuck every woman in my vicinity.”

“And do you?”

“Every?” He smirks at you. He takes a wet hand to run down his beard. Leaving it looking moist and dripping, and you get a flashback of his mouth shining with your slick. “No. Currently there’s only one woman in my vicinity I want to fuck.”

“So I’m just a hot piece of flesh that is living in your house while your wife is fucking around with her girlfriend is that it?”

“You’re mincing words here. No, you’re not just an amazing lay. I’ve only had you once, and yes, I would very much like to have you again. But I think whatever is going on between us is much more than fucking. I’m not hurt by Tati’s words anymore. She’s the type of woman that knows I will move on, and once I fully move on I won’t wait for her timeline anymore, so she strikes before that happens.”

These words. You aren’t sure what to make of them. He leans forward, slowly slotting his lips against yours. The sharpness of the beer dances around on your tongue as you taste it on him. Opening your mouth, you allow his access, and he eases past your lips. Tongues dancing together before you pull away from him.

It isn’t the beer that is making your brain fuzzy, but this situation. So many things are running in your head, but there’s one thing you can’t seem to forget, “And what about Poet?”

“What about her?”

“You both are taking away her happiness. Poet has bonded with me because she needs a motherly love. She doesn’t even know her mom as a mother, but as someone that floats in her life. In and out of her life. I’ve spent more time with her in the past few weeks than Tati ever has, and that’s sad. She doesn’t know that her daughter is speaking words, and crawls so fast I have to chase her around. She doesn’t know that Poet’s favorite food is green peas because she’s such a weird little baby. And she mushes those peas in between her fingers, and giggles before she gobbles them up.”

“But you know that,” Curtis’ beefy arm reaches behind you, grabbing another beer for himself before raising it to you, “This was smart, bringing the beer out here, I mean. Listen, Tati didn’t want to be a mom. So don’t try and make her feel guilty for not being one.”

“Then you need to stop making excuses for her. You need to tell her where you’re at and that you are done with being married to her, so you can move on, and…”

“Date you?” You exasperatedly roll your eyes, and turn to look away from him, but he pulls your chin over to look at him. “Darling, I’m okay with where I’m at, but if you need me to do this for you, and us, you have to let me know. Tati is doing things on her terms, but if you need me to tell her my terms, then you have to be honest with me.”

“I could always go on another date with…”

“Jax?” Your face falls and you look across his face confused. “That’s my partner. There’s a reason why you didn’t get a earth shattering first kiss,” mother fucker. “It was an honest mistake, and he didn’t realize who you were until you showed up, and then when he knew he just made sure you had a fun night.”

“How would he have known who I was?” Now it’s your turn to smirk as Curtis floats away from you. Pretending to be listening to the monitor that shows Poet softly snoring. “Oh, did you tell him about your hot nanny that you fucked?”

“In not so colorful of words, but yes. He knew not to — well.”

“Touch me? Curtis did you think fucking me that one time was you claiming me?” He gives an honest answer by nodding his head, and the serious conversation gets heavier. Breathy and light in a way, but there’s an undertone of need. The two of you are reaching a level of truce for now, but you need more.

“So is this you sneaking into the pool house with me?” He shakes his head no, putting a leg up, his foot presses against your belly. Stopping you from getting any closer to him. “Me sneaking into your room?” Another shaking of his head. And his leg holds you firmly in place. “Then what?”

“If all I wanted was sex, I could have had you so many times. This is me saying you live with my daughter. We have to tread through this very carefully. I don’t want too many feelings involved yet. And it can never be just sex can it? We live in the same house.”

“I actually live in the pool house.”

He takes a staggering breath, and you look down into the water with a big grin, “You have no idea what you do to me. Seeing you with my daughter in a mothering way. Seeing her smile at you, and hold onto you, greeting me at the door only to crawl back to you. I’m a sap for things like that, especially with Poet. If we do this it’s not just sex.”

“If we do this I’m not going to be the other woman.”

“Did you miss this entire conversation? You won’t be,” you have to set some boundaries here. If he wanted you, he could have you. While the divorce was underway. You start to back away from him with a smile, and he starts walking towards you, “Wait. Where are you going?”

“To play with myself while I remember our first night together.”

“What just happened?” Staring hungrily as you emerge from the pool, looking over your shoulders to make sure he was staring at your ass. He isn’t a disappointment, but then he looks up at your face. “Where are you going?”

“If you want more than sex, prove it. You’ve heard what I don’t want, and what I am okay with. And if you want just my body then you can bring the monitor and join me in the pool house. You’ll only get one choice, Curtis,” without even grabbing your towel, you saunter towards the pool house. Holding your breath, and hoping that he doesn’t follow you. Your words sound sure, but your legs quake in fear that he’s going to follow you. That kiss being sweeter touches you in a way you didn’t think could happen.

You hope with every part of you that he can hold off like he said, and is willing to tell Tati that the time has come for a divorce. You hope that he doesn’t disappoint you and is willing to just have sex for tonight. You want Curtis, and you want more than just his cock. The close proximity to him and playing house with him was becoming infuriating.

And before you even reach the pool house you hear the door to his bedroom close with so much force you flinch, turning around to see him place a pillow over his face, and know that he is screaming. Good. You weren’t going to be the other woman. Regardless of if the relationship between him and Tati had run its course. You were going to be the woman. The only woman. So until he made that decision, you were going to be the nanny. For now.

Masterlist

Taglist: @tis-thedamn-season @marveloustaylortot @pono-pura-vida @peaches1958 @seitmai @smile1318 @andydrysdalerogers @cjand10 @midnightramyeoncravings @kmc1989 @slowdownbeforeyouregretit @rogersbarber @evelineangel66

#much too fast #curtis everett #curtis everett x reader #curtis everett x fem!reader #curtis everett x female reader #curtis everett x y/n #curtis everett x you #curtis everett fanfiction #curtis everett fanfic #curtis everett fics #curtis everett fic #chris evans #chris evans character #snowpiercer #snowpiercer fanfic

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shitgoblindingleberry · 2 months

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OKAY CAUSE LISTEN. (till character analysis let’s go) (apologies in advance this is LONGG)

if till is actually in love with mizi then there is literally no outcome in which him and ivan are happy.

because 1) he’ll never love ivan as long as mizi is alive, and 2) even if he thinks mizi is dead, ivan will only ever be a rebound, the second choice he turned to when mizi wasn’t an option.

however, i would like for you to consider that maybe, instead, the problem is that till doesn’t know how to properly process or identify his feelings. i would like to propose that maybe he misinterpreted his feelings for mizi as love when in actuality he views her as some unattainable idol to covet but not actually connect with (like parasocial relationships).

meanwhile, ivan was always there for him and slowly became a support system till didn’t even know he had. because even if he didnt feel LOVE for ivan, they definitely had a REAL relationship—arguably more real than anything he ever had with mizi. all of their interactions are just like. much more RAW than anything till ever had with mizi if that makes sense. because all we’ve ever seen him doing with her is admiring from afar and sacrificing things for her in secret that she never asked for, nor wanted from him. while with ivan they actually hung out with absolutely no expectations of anything between them (on till’s side at least. it wasn’t a performative relationship to be this self sacrificing person for ivan like it would’ve been if he were talking to mizi. which is ironically a much more healthy basis for a relationship. to fully see the person as being equal to you without putting them on a pedestal)

i think till’s way of coping with everything was finding someone else outside himself to live for and idolize. his entire life was built around mizi, every choice he made committed with her in mind (like when he chose to stay in the garden rather than escaping for her sake). and once she’s ripped away, he’s left feeling empty and aimless—the center of his very world is no longer there.

HOWEVER.

this is shaken by ivan’s death. even though mizi was always his center, he can’t exactly not be affected by someone who’s been at his side for YEARS. and, unlike with mizi, their bond was definitely real and very much tangible for BOTH sides (despite meaning different things for each of them). but when ivan died FOR him, till felt something that was very real and very confusing which was very much a mixture of raw emotions he wasn't prepared to face feeling from anyone apart from mizi. because while mizi is his ideal, i think his feelings about her were always accompanied by a sense of disconnect because they didnt have any actual basis for this bond beyond till simply yearning for her. but with ivan. they were friends. they trusted each other by this point, and ivan has shown that he cares for till REPEATEDLY throughout them knowing each other. and.

i think till subconsciously acknowledged that ivan was important to him, even if just as a background support in his life. someone he hung out with without thinking about it too much. and i think that sense of care came very gradually too. because ivan is a weird mf but he still managed to worm his way into till’s world, and now he’s a staple there, even if till himself isn’t aware of that.

mainly just my vibe here is that his feelings surrounding ivan are very messy and complicated (as real life emotions tend to be) and that wasn’t what till was looking for when he was younger. he needed something stable, something he could look at and idolize from afar. something he could dedicate his messed up life to without having to worry about other complicated feelings. and that was what mizi was to him. a purpose to live that was unchanging because no matter what till himself did or what happened to him, it didn’t affect HER. and that was comforting. but ivan existed outside of his little ideal. and he was a real person who (unfortunately :/ ) made till feel real things that were outside of his control. which wasnt what he needed when he was younger—he needed stability. but i think in the end he had the most chance of an actual developed, healthy, and consistent relationship with ivan.

that is, if bro wasnt dead 🙏🙏🕊🕊

#rip ivan you would have (you always have) loved till #character analysis but it’s actually just me projecting #alien stage #alien stage till #till alien stage #alnst till #alnst #i have a chronic case of not being able to stfu once i like a character #if you managed to make it this far thank you ily #alnst spoilers

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solselah · 4 months

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What are their current

thought about you ?

PILE 1:

pile one your person is literally torn up over you. I’m talking snot in nose boogers running down crying over you ! It’s clear you guys are in a separation or at a distance from each other. They want to come in towards you but at this point in their life finances are not the best and they do not want to bring that energy into whatever you could have or did have going on ! It seems to me that they are indecisive about being with you. At some points they want space and on the other hand they want you to be close ! I feel it’s coming from confidence issues not feeling like you are truly there for them or won’t leave them behind !! You guys could’ve separated because of an Off the whim altercation or argument that led to bigger things ! This person knows you both have passion and chemistry with each other they can’t think of anyone else they have shared this passion with. Which is part of the reason they are obsessed with your energy ! They also feel like they couldn’t be with you out in the open because it goes against religion, or their family’s belief mostly about what people outside would say ! But they KNOW you guys have almost like a soul mate passionate connection and chemistry ! They feel like they are in between & can still see growth with you but because of those things stopping them from fully committing they rather long for you for the time being ! They could reach out in the summer time or even just show you at some point that they have grown and are in fact not the same !!

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PILE 2:

Automatically I believe this person could have manipulation tactics that they use to make you feel less than who you are. utilizing it to make you feel guilty about being out of drama and minding your business ! This person thinks the you they see , other people don’t ! They feel like you are a Wolf in sheep’s clothing ! They could have went as far as to try to call CPS on you for neglect or abuse knowing you would NEVER!!! They are very irritated by the cosmic light and forgiveness that you carry , They can’t stand how unbothered you are about certain situations! They have tried to egg on a certain part of anger in you but you never folded to the tactics! They may have even manipulated you into letting them in or back in the house because from what you know they didn’t have “much” or anything at all ! So you took initiative to help out and they showed and proved once again why they weren’t or aren’t for you !! This person reflects and projects their insecurities upon you and their children specifically a son or older mentee ! You are truly over it !! you’re kind of annoyed by this person and you’re just like what do you need from me !??? Meanwhile they want it all they want you to stroke their heart strings again and fulfill them ! They manipulate you and use excuses of not experiencing these emotions or feelings claiming “they didn’t know how to act”. That truly only last but so long !! To them you are familiar and feel like home so they revert back very often . But in reality that ship has sailed and you are tired of their emotional and mental manipulation it can’t happen with you ever again !! You could’ve also lost who you are & that alone forced you into isolation !! You are slowly building yourself up and i would truthfully think about a protection spell to protect you and your kids , Home , Car etc ! Call your angels in to help you out when you feel helpless if that’s what you are into & comfortable with 💚

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PILE 3:

So off bat this person thinks you are out WAY TO MUCH! Like they have recently started to feel a disconnect from you because of it ! They are it bit jealous you’re out spending your time partying instead of being home creating memories and cuddling up with them ! They want to spend quality bonding time with you ! They definitely come across clingy and kind of want to be around & up under you often. But I believe for you this is beginning to get a little played out and you’re starting to wonder why they don’t do certain things they like to do or indulge in things they are into ! So with that being said “you do you” you owe no book long explanation for your decisions ! They want you to surrender to how they want you to be instead of who you have been and already are !! They are in their comfort zone and could be a little Upset you are Living life on the wild side and constantly come out of your shell even when you’re uncertain ! They may even have certain dreams about how the relationship would be so to me it just feels like this person is not like …for you! They are potentially in need of a more co dependent relationship where they can be in control but also be secure in knowing you’re not going anywhere! Pretty horrible & Childish. So if you’re not together believe me I understand why ! I hear this also could have been someone you gave your virginity to and he just does not leave you BE ! Acts like a dad almost , wanting to make sure you’re safe & okay but with all the wrong intentions ! I would kind of run while I can ! I feel like there is a side you have not seen with this person. For you it seems best to release & purge the things that still impact you about this relationship or fling.

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PILE 4 :

So I believe this person feels like you have a pretty bad reputation with relationships ! They feel like you pretend to be the best but inside your Not that person !! They feel like if they wanted to they could black mail you just off of the truths they feel they know about you ! They have potentially offered you an ultimatum to not release certain info about you ! To this person they had expectations beyond what you may have shown them ! They may think you are masculine in the way you think and feel ! They want to see you in your feminine aspect all soft & In harmony (regardless of gender) little do they know you haven’t felt any reason to give them that part of you ! If anything you are doing them a favor and yourself a favor by removing yourself from the equation!!

Ps : They apologize for potentially letting you down HARD

“I’m sorry”

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Hope you enjoy 💚

IG : Soleccentric

#pick a card #pick a picture #love #spirituality #pac reading #tarotdaily #channeled message #truth #freedom #tarot #pick a pile #green

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auspicioustidings · 5 months

Text

Firewatch 13

Summary: All good things come to an end.

Words: 2.3k

CWs: Significant peril (and there's a cliff hanger about it so wait for the epilogue if you'd rather not deal with not knowing the outcome)

You curled up in Johnny's bed, both sad and happy that he was on night watch. Could you have stayed away if he wasn't? Honestly you weren't really sure anymore. This was just so fucked up now. What happened down the line if they got what they wanted (and was it only them that wanted it anymore)? Did you just stay here forever and never see another person? What happened if you got pregnant? Despite your reluctant care for these men you couldn't live like that. You couldn't entertain any idea of a happily ever after like this - the locked up girl was the start of the story not the end.

Johnny's room was like him, warm and a little chaotic. He had a gaming PC setup, disconnected from any Internet of course. It wasn't password locked even now despite you being mean the first night you were in his room and deleting a bunch of his saves. It had caused a fight when he got back and realised although by that time you had already had time to cool off and feel a little bad about being so petty. So you quietly apologised and when he continued yelling Simon had grabbed him by the scruff and dragged him out. You didn't know what he did, but they came back an hour later and Johnny was calmer. Said sorry for yelling.

It was always Johnny that you wound up having screaming matches with, although it was easy to forgive one another it seemed. You just had the same short temper, easily setting one another off. If you were very honest with yourself which you tended not to be these days, part of you hoped Price would intervene when you were screaming the house down. A very large part of you. The part that craved the way he had made you feel when he had bent you over his desk and spanked you. Your head had never been so clear and calm before and you wanted to feel like that again whenever things started to get overwhelming, but it wasn’t like you were going to fucking ask your captor to take you over his knee.

The idea was making you a little flustered and well… you had kissed Johnny today. Would it be any more dangerous to get yourself off in his bed? It had been a while and you were pent up and you’d be quick. You lay and listened for a moment for any sounds in the cabin but there were none. Dosia would be out in the woods at this time. Everyone else was in bed. Simon’s bed was right on the other side of the wall from you and you couldn’t hear anything, so he must be asleep. You slid your hand down, biting your lip as your fingers dipped beneath your waistband to gently get yourself feeling good.

You huffed when you couldn’t find a good rhythm. Shouldn’t this be like riding a bike? Still, it wasn’t like it felt bad, it just didn’t feel as good as you wanted. But you could get yourself there you were sure, just needed to get wet and the slide of your fingers would feel better. You were finally getting into the groove when there was a light knock at the door which was typical really.

“Come in” you called, not at all happy about it.

You were under blankets and had obviously removed your hand from your underwear so it wasn’t like anyone would know what you had been doing, not even Simon when he slid into the room and closed the door behind him.

“What?”

“Sounded like you were having a nightmare.”

Ah. Fuck. That stupid satisfied grin told you all you needed to know as he walked over and sat on the bed. So much for nobody knowing what you were doing. God what did he have supersonic hearing?

“Must have been.”

“That right?”

“So your stupid little pact thing is still going then?”

“Remind me.”

“Stupid wee bonnie thing, your naw going tae cum until ye get permission from every single one of us” you mimicked in your absolute worst impersonation of a Scottish accent.

Simon snorted at that and his hand shifted to follow the shape of your body over the blanket before taking your own hand and bringing it to his mouth, kissing at your fingers that had just been on your body.

“Don’t remember agreeing to any pact.”

“...you’re not fucking me.”

“Fair enough sweetheart. Getting you off on the cards?”

The thing about Simon was that he was always blunt with you. He didn’t dance around things like the others sometimes did, he always just asked exactly what he wanted to. It sucked when he used it against when you were trying to be annoying, not letting you keep winding up Price with saying you didn’t like any of the options he was putting forward for food and instead point blank asking you to name exactly what you wanted down to the ingredient list. And he didn’t have any polite filter, when you had mumbled about wanting a razor he had asked in front of everyone if it was "for your cunt”. Kyle had nearly choked on the apple he had been eating.

You considered, narrowing your eyes at his amused look.

“It’s a one time thing.”

“Uh huh.”

“Nobody else can know.”

“Not gonna be me that tells them.”

“I’m not sucking you off either.”

“Want you to jack me off at least. Only polite.”

“Fine. Not on my face.”

“Tits?”

“You’re pushing it Riley but I’ll allow it.”

“Magnanimous of you. Now open your legs, going to eat you out for fucking hours.”

He was not kidding and he was stupidly good at it. He was true to his word as well in that he didn’t tell Price or Kyle anything, didn’t need to with how loud he managed to get you, only chuckling when you smacked him after the scrape of his teeth made you yelp loudly. You let him stay after.

–

“Quit yer bitchin’ Johnny.”

“Naw, shan’t. Move the fuck over.”

“You’ll wake her up.”

“Then I’ll fucking tire her back out, move!”

You grumbled and shoved at Simon to get him to move. You didn’t care who was in this bed as long as they shut up and let you sleep. It was lovely and warm in between them.

–

“Oh shut up Kyle.”

“Didn’t say anything luv!”

“You were thinking it very loudly.”

You were not enjoying breakfast one little bit. Johnny was still in bed, Simon was smug as hell and Kyle and Price were definitely looking at you with amused ‘how was last night?’ looks, Kyle’s being particularly loud. Dicks.

“Come on little bird eat your pancakes, need to get your energy back after-”

“After what?” you hissed at him.

“...nothing.”

“That’s what I thought.”

You shovelled pancakes into your mouth like the most petulant child on the planet and ignored their chuckling for the rest of the day.

–

“You could just ask you know.”

Price was leant on the kitchen counter when you went to make yourself a cup of tea. The cabin was quiet with the other three off to town (which you were always upset about. You wanted to go into town). It had been a few weeks since you had fucked up and despite a mighty effort from both Johnny and Simon you had refused to do so again. They were winding you up something awful though and it had only gotten worse when Kyle joined in.

Heated glances, brushes of hands against your waist and thigh, lewd comments whispered right into your ear, them walking around in a towel still wet from the shower. It was annoying the life out of you and you were snapping more and more, ready to boil over and explode.

“To go into town?”

“You know that's not what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean John?”

You both stubbornly stayed silent as you made your tea. You could outlast him, you could. You drank your tea in silence. You settled on the sofa to read a book in silence. You got up to wash your empty mug in silence. You settled back in to continue reading in silence. And all the while he stayed where he was, leant back with his arms folded watching you. Waiting.

“...you can do it again” you mumbled, annoyed and embarrassed.

“Hmm?”

“I'm not… it's not me asking. I'm just saying you can.”

“Right. And if I did and you wanted me to stop?”

“Red.”

“Orange if you need less.”

“Green if I need more.”

“OK” he agreed as he finally moved to come sit next to you. “Over my knee little bird, let's unwind you.”

It would be annoying that it worked except you were too boneless and relaxed after to hold on to the feeling.

–

“Doesn't this bring back memories?” Kyle grinned as he sprawled on the sofa in the watchtower.

You just rolled your eyes and wandered the small space, taking in the view properly since you had been distracted last you were here. You had asked to go on the overnight firewatch, desperate for a change of scenery after months of the cabin and the same walking route, and it had been his night.

You suspected the only reason they had allowed it was because they knew you were on your period given that you had to ask them to bring you supplies. As much as sex would probably help, you were very much just a grouchy, sleepy lump who was very apparently not going to be partaking in such things right now. Kyle could tear his clothes off and you didn't think it would affect you.

“Uh huh, near death, kidnapping, make out session. Truly a thrilling trilogy.”

“Aww luv come here.”

“Shouldn't you be watching. For fire” you deadpanned as you nevertheless went to flop on top of him.

“We’ll make a fire fighter out of you yet!”

He played with your hair like he knew you liked and the warmth of his body felt lovely. Whenever you shifted to try and get comfortable he would move exactly where you needed him to be no matter if it put him in an awkward position or not.

The walk up and down the stairs for the bathroom was God awful but probably good for you. But the real star of the show was walking the little balcony perimeter of the tower. The stars were so beautiful out here. It should have made you cringe at the cliche of it all when you said as much and he agreed they were beautiful while not taking his eyes off of you.

It was strange, but it actually made you feel happy. Neither of you spoke about that kiss you shared under the stars after, leaving that secret for the tower to keep.

–

“Dosia! Where's Dosia?!”

You were frantic and couldn't listen to them. Not when they were telling you to leave. Not when Price was dragging you up the path by the arm and you could barely see through tears. It was all happening too fast. You were laughing at Kyle trying to teach Johnny how to flip a pancake, you should still be doing that.

“Forget about her! You need to run, now!”

You had never heard him sound like that and it scared you. The sound of the fire rapidly ripping through the trees was deafening, the sky red with embers and the smoke already starting to choke through. Simon had sounded the alarm 10 minutes ago having spotted smoke from far in the forest and already it was rapidly spreading, all of them kitted up and heading out to try and contain it while the planes deployed to tackle it from above.

You were clinging to Price's arm. He couldn't go back that way. You didn't want him to go that way. That way was the fire. Why were they all going towards the fire?

“Look at me! You are going to run as fast as you can ok? And you're going to make it to town safe and sound.”

“I- n-no! You told me I was staying! I’ll tell everyone you took me and you’ll be in trouble! You- you need to keep me!”

“You won our bet” he said, grabbing your face and kissing you like he knew it was the last time. “Now for once do as you're told and go!”

You couldn't stop him and you were too terrified of following him as he pulled his mask on and went towards the danger, so you did the only thing you could do and followed his instructions. You could barely see through tears and tripped at one point, hearing the roar behind you as you froze on your hands and knees, wondering how they could ever survive. It was only a biting and clawing Dosia bursting from the trees to spur you to your feet that got you going again.

When you got to town the place was being evacuated as fire trucks were racing in from the nearest fire houses and planes were starting to streak overhead. One of the locals spotted you, damn surprised to see a dead girl emerging from the trees with cat in tow. They bundled you up in a shock blanket and put you in the passenger seat of a car with Dosia in your lap to get taken to the next town over. You found yourself watching the forest disappear in the rear view mirror, the ashes of your cottage still a stain on the edge. You wondered if their cabin would be the same. You wondered if they would be the same.

The bet wasn't your win at all. Price might have finally come to regret bringing you to the cabin, but you had forgotten there was ever a time you hadn't wanted to be with them weeks ago. And now you weren't sure how you were going to learn to live without them.

#mhairiwrites #cod #cod au #tf 141 x reader #it is not a Mhairi fic if I don't pull some nonsense at the 11th hour

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