#anyway I mention the comfort character thing bc the minute she mentioned someone I had been making fun of was her comfort character | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ktheist · 3 years

Text

girls like you [don’t] run ‘round with guys like me | m

characters. popular!reader x shy!jimin

genre. college au. rich kids au. fwb au. eventual ceo au. eventual racer au.

words. 4k

warnings. 18+

note. this is a repost. tumblr messed up my exposure last time. this fic didn’t show up in search and it’s probably a third post of mine that ends up like this. this one probably won’t either but posting bc someone might see it and like it.

It’s easy to tell when Park Jimin is in love.

Unlike Kim Seokjin, his eccentric, dad joke-loving friend, Jimin would only wear the pastel pink when he’s feeling giggly and shy and mushy inside.

The source of said feelings being either the barista he goes to get his daily dose of coffee from, or the girl at the library he studies at during finals or well, right now it’s the girl he’s fucking almost every day of the week - you.

“What are you doing?” Seokjin looks at him like he just dumped a spoonful of salt in a broth that needs a little, teensy bit of sugar.

Or his face seems to say that as he goes on, “she’s a mean girl. She’s mean.”

Jimin isn’t sure if Seokjin’s aware that he’s just repeated the same thing twice.

“She calls you Chim!” The older man reiterates.

“Yeah, it’s…” Jimin trails off, the heartwarming image of you cuddling into him after yet another mindblowing sex, flashing at the back of his mind, “...her pet name for me.”

“Sounds to me like she can’t remember your actual name,” Min Yoongi interjects from the couch he’s claimed for himself ever since they got to their usual hangout.

It’s a penthouse Jimin’s parents bought him on his 18th birthday. Him and the boys would hang around there after they’re done with classes or just need a place to crash whenever they have problems with their girlfriends or boyfriends or parents or any sort of problem that renders their usual room not sleepable.

“I think we can just agree we have different wants,” Jeongguk - or the sanest of them all, as Jimin likes to call him - chirps in, taking a bite of the apple he got from the fridge.

“Exactly,” Jimin throws his hands up as if freed from his elder friends’ judge-filled eyes. The vibration of his phone in his lap gives him even more comfort to know that he finally has an excuse to slip away - he checks his phone, your name flashing in the bubble that says ‘hey, wyd?’

“I have to go, it’s ___.”

A series of groans and hollers equally erupts from the men in the room at the realization of what Jimin’s ‘having to go’ means.

And so it goes. Jimin finds himself under your blanket that smells like fresh laundry - it’s a nude green color compared to the pleated black and white from last time. Your head is on his chest and he’s caressing your hair like it’s the softest thing he’s ever laid his hands on.

Besides your boobs, that is.

“I was thinking… since we have Monday off… maybe we could-”

It’s the way you push yourself off him, eyes that are onto him gazing straight into his soul, “oh shoot, Monday’s a public holiday. I totally forgot! I have to meet my parents. My dad’s been nagging me to come back since I skipped Christmas and New Year.”

And there goes his chance to ask you out on a date.

“Oh yeah, what were you saying about Monday?”

Jimin wears the biggest fake smile he can muster, “just that… me and the boys are gonna hang out and we’re bringing our girlfriends and boyfriends and uh- doesn’t have to be someone you’re exclusively seeing,” he almost chokes at the almost-admittance that he has the fattest crush on you and wants to make it official by inviting you to a couple’s-only hang out, “but like, I don’t think I’m going, it’s boring anyway.”

He waves his hand dismissively, trying to play it cool.

You make a cooing sound, eyebrows knitting together as your lips pout cutely before a playful smile blooms on your face, “I know what you’re trying to say.”

“You do?” Jimin thinks he heard his heart dropping to his stomach.

“Yeah, you’re single and all the boys have someone special they’re gonna bring… it’s gonna be awkward as hell because they’re gonna act different because they’re around their special someone so you thought if I was there, it’d be more fun because at least you have a friend with you that’s not gonna act fake the whole time there but I can’t go so you decided you’re not going too like a minute ago.”

Silence lulls in after your analogy that you sound so sure of when, in fact, he has a whole list of things he’d do on the date which he may or may not have gone over a hundred times in his head.

Doesn’t matter now, since that date is a no-go.

He’s going to delete that list off his phone once he gets to his place and drink himself silly until he wipes it out of his mind.

“Yeah,” Jimin says a moment later, “yeah… I mean, girls in love are cute but boys in love are just… annoying.”

The week flies by without Jimin ever mentioning Monday and you’ve showed him the clothes you’re going to wear to visit your parents because apparently-

“It’s lunch at some five star Michelin restaurant and I think they’re gonna tell me they’re getting a divorce,” your voice drifts into the room from the open, walk-in closet.

“If they’re not in some long, dreadful battle on who gets the holiday house with the pool and the dogs - how do I look?” You step out, in a frilly creme sweater with a black ribbon tied around the collar of your white undershirt with a black pleated skirt that stops mid-thighs, just inches from your black stockings.

A glaring contrast to your collection of washed out skinny jeans, plain t-shirts and sneakers.

“You… look…” Jimin knows he should stop openly ogling at your never-before-seen drip but there’s just something about the creme colored sweater.

“Like a good girl?” You offer with a smile Jimin couldn’t quite put a name to. Somehow he notices a trace of sadness in your eyes, but you disappear into the closet too soon.

“I’ll think about what to wear the morning I need to wear it,” you’re in the middle of pulling off the sweater when Jimin comes up behind you, kissing your neck and grabbing your boobs like they’re his.

The sound of your giggle is music to his ears.

That is, until his boner brushes against your butt and you gasp, “Chim! We just did it.”

“I know but you look so cute in that sweater.” He sounds exactly like Jeongguk. Like a fuckboy.

Like one of the boys you got tired of before you finally noticed him, the quiet, shy guy who’s friends with the outgoing, baby-faced Jeon Jeongguk whom - Jimin hates to admit it but he thinks about this every once so often and gets jealous all on his own - you’ve humped and dumped.

How you and Jeongguk still manage to stay friends and tease each other about the other’s choice of partners, Jimin doesn’t know.

It’s like a twin calling the other ugly.

He wonders if you and him will still stay friends after…

Jimin pushes the thought out of his mind. It’s not hard to forget everything when he’s with you - when he’s kissing you on the mouth like you’re the only girl he’ll want to spend the rest of his college life with and maybe his old days with together too.

“Chim, I can’t get my shirt creased,” you say but you’re already dripping wet and laying down in said shirt that’s half ridden up from him sucking and biting on your nipples.

He stopped you when you tried to take off your clothes.

“I’ll wash it and iron it for you,” he negotiates just as he rolls the condom over his length.

The sound of your giggle makes his heart skip a beat. Or maybe that’s the libido?

Either way, your mouth clamps shut when he pulls you down against him by the dip of your waist.

A different kind of hymn leaves your lips as Jimin throws his head back, relishing in the feeling of you around him.

When Monday rolls around, Jimin’s lying on the bean bag with his two legs sprawled over the floor. The boys are all out with either their significant others, working part-time or at a party.

The worn out baseball Jimin’s been tossing in the air and catching with one hand finally hits him square in the face when he hears the doorbell, signaling the presence of someone at the door and that someone being none of the boys because they would just punch in the code and strut in like they own the place.

Jimin thought maybe it’s Yoongi - the guy couldn’t even remember what he had for dinner and actually forgot the passcode to his own rental room once.

So he didn’t think to check who it was.

When your bright smile and slightly puffy eyes flash in front of him, Jimin thinks his soul just yeeted itself out of his body.

“Hey!” You sing song, holding up two plastic bags of beers and snacks.

It takes a moment for him to snap out of his stupor and grab them from your hands and then stepping aside to let you in.

“Is… everyone late or am I just early?” You sound increasingly confused as you step further into the center of the room, standing right next to the bean bag he was laying in just a moment ago.

“Oh-” he says once before he opens his mouth the second time, ready to spurt out another lie, “oh yeah… we decided not to ‘cause why hang out in a group when you can hang out with your significant other… you know, just the two of you… doing what couples do…”

“Huh,” you say, nodding though not quite believing him but you being you, easily lets it slide, plopping on the bean bag and grabbing the closest thing to you which is the ball that hit Jimin in the face - he’s sure he has a circular mark smack dab in the area on the top of his nose bridge, in between his eyes.

The dress you end up wearing is creme colored and riding up your thighs - Jimin swallows thickly and give extra attention to the bottle opener.

“So… how did lunch go?” He pops two beers open and hands one to you, taking a seat on Yoongi’s favorite couch and admiring how your dress is taking the shape of your body as gravity pulls it down.

“Oh, you know, everyone was being fake and acting like the perfect role in the family,” you put the beer down a few inches above your head so as to not tip it over with the ball you’re waving around but not throwing in the air like Jimin did.

“Sounds suffocating,” Jimin repeats a similar answer he gives whenever you use that dismissive tone while talking about your family.

“...are you okay?” Then he asks - and he’s genuinely asking - about your state of mind while casually downing the beer and feeling the bitterness lessen with every gulp.

The silence that lapses in between you is familiar.

“If I say no, can I get a hug?” It’s the look in your eyes, glimmering like the lake he used to go to in summer.

“Always,” he sets his beer down on the table next to the couch and goes over to you, standing on his knees before bending down and engulfing you in his arm.

You’ve always had a knack for picking yourself up.

When he sees you the next time, which is on instagram and a post of you having lunch with your friends, Jimin could hardly believe that’s the girl who asked him for a hug as if she’s afraid she’ll be putting him in an uncomfortable spot by asking for too much.

But there’s something…

Like an invisible wall made of ice that he can’t thaw through nor can he climb over to get to the other side where you are. Where you keep the people you love the closest. Closer than he’ll ever be.

Jeon Jeongguk is one of them.

In the picture of five people huddled close to fit in the frame, Jeongguk has his arm over you with a peace sign while you lean your head on his neck but not actually resting on it - like it’s an unconscious action you’d do because you’ve done that plenty of times.

Is it when you two were together?

Everyone he knows, knows that you and Jeongguk used to be more than just friends at some point.

Sometimes he still hears people talking about you two in passing.

‘Did ___ and Jeongguk get back together? I saw in Jeongguk’s snapstory - they were in a club or something.’

‘No way. There goes my chance of getting close with Jeongguk.’

‘Girl, with ___ hanging around him 24/7, do you think he’d look at girls like us?’

‘A girl can dream though.’

Jimin wanted to open his mouth and tell them they deserve way better than Jeon Jeongguk - though they’re not prettier than you.

He thinks you’re the loveliest girl on planet earth and if there was another life form on another planet, he’s almost a hundred percent sure you’d still be prettiest being in the universe with your obsession for skinny jeans and the way you’d unconsciously pout when he talks about how things weren’t going his way that day as if you would’ve exchanged your abundance of luck with his shitty one just because you’ve got that big of a heart and how you’d be walking with your friends, laughing and giggling and when you see him, you’d wave at him like you’re good friends.

Second only to Jeongguk and your friend group that you’re always hanging out with.

“Oh, ___? We were childhood friends.”

“Hmm… Gguk and I became friends because our parents are friends.”

The two of them say at different times and settings when Jimin asked, trying to play it cool. Like he isn’t just brimming with jealousy. Like he’s not half-way to losing his mind because the girl of his dreams just went to a retreat with his friend-of-a-friend-turned-actual-friend together when everyone else in the group who was excitedly planning for the trip - couldn’t make it.

The rooms at the inn weren’t even pre-booked. It was owned by Jeongguk’s family and they didn’t deposit any money for the trip for them to rationalize going on that trip anyway despite everyone else not being to go.

“The trip? It was fun, if you want we can go together next time.”

Jimin isn’t sure if you even mean that when he asked how the trip went after you’re glistening with the glow of after sex and scrolling through instagram, liking posts of everyone you know.

But then three months later, on your break, Jimin is hit with a ‘keep your schedule free next week for a whole week!!!’

Then he finds himself at a five star hotel by the beach with the most breathtaking view of the sea.

It wasn’t the inn owned by the Jeon’s but Jimin liked the fact that you brought him to a place - and he hopes his assumptions are true - your friends have never been before. Especially Jeongguk.

“Woah, this place is better than I thought,” a king sized bed lies directly across from the balcony where you’re standing, hair flying behind your back as the seaside breeze blows into the room.

“We can watch the sun rise and set from our bed,” Jimin comments for the sake of saying something.

He’s not sure what this means. He’s not sure if he should be having a boner at the thought of the two of you being together for a whole week without any other person getting in the way. He’s not sure if his heart should be thumping this fast.

For the first time since he’s known you, Park Jimin is the most unsure he’s ever been.

“You know what I wanna watch?” Your hands slip in his as you stand between him and the open balcony door, “you under me, biting your lips because you’re still shy about the sound you make.”

So when you tug him back into the bedroom just minutes after checking in, naturally, Park Jimin follows like he’s been bewitched by your ungodly beauty.

Once the one week of nothing but heavenly morning wishes and passionate night kisses - oh, there was more than just kissing but Jimin remembers how your lips meld so perfectly together with his the most - Jimin is sure.

‘Something definitely changed.’

He thinks maybe it’s not impossible to dream of a future with you even after college.

“Jimin I-... I’m not at a point in life to be thinking about relationships,” you say, hand gripping your arm, head lowered as if your whole body is saying sorry.

“O-oh,” is all he says, he hearts his heart breaking and his chest caving.

All of a sudden, the lights in Gangnam city doesn’t seem so bright anymore.

You both live your last year pretending like the other doesn’t exist. He doesn’t look at you when he passes you and neither did you. Only talks to Jeongguk even though you’re right next to the aforementioned man - granted you were talking with your other friends like you didn’t even notice him there.

But Jimin’s never felt so invisible in his life than he does now.

Then, graduation rolls around and he thinks finally, he won’t have to walk through the hallway and pretend like he didn’t see you. Don't have to keep a five feet distance whenever you meet up for a group project.

Park Jimin doesn’t need to see your pretty face and starry eyes anymore.

“Jimin… do you have a minute?”

Or so he thought.

“So… congrats on surviving college,” you make small talk while standing just ten feet away from the boys whom he’s sure are speculating on what you’re talking about.

Jimin never got to prove to his friends that you’re not the mean, name-forgetting girl they all thought.

Jeongguk knows you’re not. He’s always backing Jimin up when Jimin’s debunking their passing accusations about you.

“Sometimes things just don’t work out between two people but doesn’t mean one of them is the bad guy.” Jeongguk's words put an end to their debate of whether Jimin deserved better than you or not.

For someone young, Jeongguk spoke his mind decidedly.

Jimin felt ashamed that he’d ever been jealous of Jeongguk’s relationship with you.

“I just… didn’t wanna leave things on a bad note. I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings when I said no but I really like spending time with you - whether it’s sex or just staying over and cuddling for hours… I like it all.” You say the word sex and cuddle like they’re used interchangeably and Jimin thinks his heart just fluttered.

And you’d said it in public where your everyone can see or possibly pick up on what you were saying, at that.

Well, one thing’s for sure, you’ve got bigger balls than he does.

“My feelings are the same as six months ago and call me crazy but I don’t think you dislike me either.” He finally says and it feels like a deadweight has been lifted off his shoulders.

There comes that pout, as if something is bothering you and you always ever pout like that when that something concerns him.

“You kidding me? I can never dislike you.”

The Jimin from six months ago would have stared at you with disbelief and a dust of pink on his cheeks. But the Jimin he is now simply smiles, heart thumping in his chest. He nods.

“Thanks for telling me that,” and Jimin knows that’s the closest to an ‘I like you’ he can get with the girl who builds an ice fortress around her heart.

A whole year passes by and Jimin finds himself in different shades of grey every day, working at his dad’s company and attending dinner meetings. Life comes to a standstill while time passes him by.

“So, like, you have a sports car, right? Why don’t you come over to the race circuit after dinner? Everyone’s gonna be there.”

Jeongguk tells him over the phone.

And by ‘everyone’ he means the sons and daughters in the corporate world. It’s networking at its finest.

When he’s there, three cars are already racing in the circuit. The smell of burnt rubber and the sound of tires screeching against asphalt isn’t exactly his favorite but they have cheap booze instead of fine wine and he knows the people here are in for the same thing as he is.

An escape.

Away from the grandeur of fine wine and dinner dresses and the elders breathing down their necks and having to act like the next heir to the legacy they were born to carry.

“That Chevrolet over there,” Jeongguk comes, hand on Jimin’s back as his other one that’s holding a bottle of beer points at a red car that looks like a racing fireball, “everyone’s betting on that one tonight.”

Jimin doesn’t know there’s a bet.

“I’ll skip the bet this time ‘round. Haven’t seen the driver yet,” he shrugs dismissively.

Even in stock investment, he’d learned to study the market first before placing his best bet.

Jeongguk leaves his side when his friends - he’s got new ones now - beckons him over. At the same time, the Chevrolet passes the finish line seconds before the Ford Mustang and McLaren 720s, making it the winner of the night.

The driver seems like a show off with the way the car rolls up to the audience, the sound of its engines revving into the night being met with cheers of half-drunk young adults.

Arrogance is a man’s downfall.

Jimin’s about to turn around and head for the exit when the door of the car gets pushed open. The driver steps out, decked in black and red leather jeans and jackets that seem to match the car.

But it’s the smooth, silken hair that cascades past the helmet that catches his eyes.

Park Jimin’s seen many arrogant men in his life but he’s only ever seen one woman with balls and looks good wearing them.

“___! ___! ___!” The crowd starts cheering as you pull off the helmet, holding it underneath your arm and waist.

Your eyes are as brilliant as the night sky full of stars. They’re tinged with shock and then recognition. And finally, you smile that gorgeous smile that gets you misunderstood often as a woman who doesn’t need anything or anyone but uses them as they come.

But Park Jimin knows better than anyone, how wholeheartedly happy that smile looks when you see him.

Like meeting a good friend after a long time.

Seven months down the road, Jimin finds himself with just a blanket draped over his waist while you’re taking a shower in his bathroom to get ready to head to Hong Kong for a business trip.

He hears the sound of the shower head being turned off. The tapping of your foot around his bedroom as you pick up your clothes that are strewn all over the floor.

Then the bed dips ever so gently under your weight as you climb over to him, the fresh scent of shower get filling his senses. Lips press a deep, lingering kiss on his. As if you don’t want to go to a place where he won’t be.

A few socials and midnight races after his first meeting with you after a long time, you asked him if he’s seeing someone.

“If I say yes, what will you do?” It’s playful at first, because Jimin didn’t want to get himself hurt the second time.

But it’s the way you tilted your head, a finger tapping on your chin as you pondered on his words, “that’s a problem because I don’t want to be that girl that steals another girl’s man,” then you looked at him like you know he’s the one you want to wake up to every morning and the last face you see when you sleep at night and if you can’t have that. then-

“Can you be mine… just for tonight?”

“I don’t think I can.” The crestfallen expression you wear makes his own heart break, even if it’s just for a split second-

“Because I’m not seeing anyone but I’m in that point in life where I want a serious relationship or nothing at all.”

But what he doesn’t tell you is how he doesn’t want a relationship if it’s not with the girl who still haunts his dreams even after all this time.

Just like how you’d turned him down because you weren’t looking to be in a relationship before, you’d courted Jimin like you’d want to spend your whole life with him now.

Flowers got sent to his office everyday until it smells nothing short of floral. You’d be there, waving at him like he’s your savior in that dreadful social you were both attending. Every week, you’d plan dinner dates under the guise of catching up.

Before you race, you’d look over to where he’s standing, as if saying ‘this one’s for you’ before slipping into your car and coming out first every single time.

As if you were making up for every month of the year that you’d let life pass you by.

Now you’ve won a total of 36 races since he met you and the metal band you gifted him on the night of your 12th win feels warm against his skin. As if it’s absorbed all the love and adoration you poured into it.

And you’re wearing that ring he got you on your birthday on your finger that’s resting on his chest where his heart is as he kisses you back just as reluctant to let you leave.

But Park Jimin knows wherever you are, wherever you will be - you will always find your way back to each other.

Back home.

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helliontherapscallion · 3 years

Note

Anon who’s dog had a seizure. I wanted to be able to give a positive update, but I won’t be able to. I was woken up by a call at around 1:30am from my mom and the first thing she said was “[my dogs name] died”

I don’t know all the details, I was in a full fledge panic attack and was overcome with despair when it was either explained to me or I overheard (frankly, I don’t remember) but apparently at some point either last night or veryyyyy early this morning my mom let the dog out to use the restroom, and he collapsed again similarly to how he did two days ago. My mom rushed him to the emergency vet (a thirty minute drive) but he didn’t even make it there.

I think I was dry heaving at some point because my panic was so bad. I ended up going to the vet with my dad so I could say goodbye (he had before my mom left with the dog) and ngl, going with him did not help in the slightest. My dad has NPD and he kept making the situation about himself and I stg I was ready to throw myself out the car window in the middle of the freeway and walk the rest of the way there OOP—

I was afraid we wouldn’t be able to because of Covid, but we were allowed to all head into the vet and hold him and give proper goodbyes before they took him to be cremated (they have a partnership with some place that does all that jazz). It was rough. He’s a small dog, only 18 pounds, but just holding him felt so different. There was no resistance when I picked him up (I’m not his favorite person lol, so he’d always deadpan and shuffle away a little from me before giving in whenever i’d make grabby hands hahaha) and it was just rough.

A year and a half ago my old bird passed away in that same emergency vet, so I just felt like I was suffocating the whole time. It was basically history repeating itself and I had a ✨mental breakdown✨ while cradling the pooch. My mom almost had to drag me out 2.5 hours later because I didn’t want to leave him. I tried to be strong, he was her dog in the end and they had an unbreakable bond. I should’ve been the one comforting her, not the other way around. I totally failed lol.

Thank god I was able to go home with my mom and not my dad. I wanted to be the one to drive home so she could rest, but I didn’t have the energy to protest when I saw she was already in the drivers seat.

We’ve had him since he was a few months old. I was in first grade at the time, and despite us having a very rocky start (young me didn’t like all the attention he received bc it used to be mine) he was my lil buddy and I would have done anything for him. I was looking forward to taking my senior and graduation pictures with him soon, but it seems like that won’t be happening. I just wish I did more with him.

Sorry for rambling and being so depressing! I haven’t gotten much sleep over the past two nights so I’m really out of it.

If it’s not too much to ask for, could I have a part ii of my previous request but have it involving what I wrote above? Asdfghjkl my depressed ass needs comfort and all of my friends are in school LOL. (Thank god I was called off from school this time) Plus, I don’t wanna make my mom feel worse by adding my grief on top of her own (I hope that made sense)

Part 1

(A/N): anon, I’m so sorry to hear about your dog. From what you sent me about him, he sounded like an absolute delight to be around and a very good boy. You deserve to grieve too, even if you don’t think you should. Grieving is healthy and it’s something that shouldn’t be ignored. Everyone grieves differently, so maybe you and your mom could reminisce on the good times with him? Only if you both feel comfortable doing so of course. Please get some sleep, drink plenty of water, and eat some food if you haven’t already. My DMs are always open if you ever want to talk <3

Warnings: death of a dog and bird (mentioned), panic attacks, NPD parent mention

You were jolted awake by a loud ring from your phone laying on your nightstand. It was the ringtone you specifically set for your mom. Blinking deliriously, you answered with a raspy, “mom?”

You were only met with her choked sobs on the other end. This woke you up completely as you turned on a lamp and sat up fully in your bed, “mom what’s wrong?”

“(Dog name)...” She was unable to say your dog's name before she broke into more harsh sobbing. Worry and fear pricked your gut at the mention of your dog’s name. “What about (dog name)? What’s going on?”

“He d-died, (y/n). He isn’t suffering anymore.” You felt as if ice cold water was poured onto you as you sat staring at the wall in shock. Faintly you heard your mom telling you how it happened, but you didn’t register her words. The words that came out of your mother’s mouth were nearly incomprehensible anyways due to her distress. You didn’t know when she hung up, but the next time you looked at the phone screen your homescreen met you: a picture of you, Techno, Wilbur, and Tommy at an amusement park.

Your panic attack had escalated to you dry heaving over the toilet after puking up your dinner. You felt like you were suffocating as you remembered the techniques Techno used a few days prior. You stumbled up from a crouch and scrambled over to the sink. Your hands could barely grab the faucet and turn it on as you lost most of your sense of spatial awareness and everything you touched felt distant, like every single synapse in your body was both simultaneously working in overdrive and failing at the same time. The water was as cold as it was going to get, so you plunged your hands into the liquid and felt your body jolt at the temperature. After a while, your hands turned numb after regaining some senses back so you shakily cupped your hands under the faucet and gathered water into your hands. You splashed it at your face and felt yourself becoming more grounded as time passed.

By the time you left the bathroom, your dad gathered you into the car and started to drive you to the emergency vet. The entire time he was ranting about how you needed to pull yourself together because the dog was closer to him than to you. That definitely did not help in any way, it made you want to jump out of the car and walk the rest of the way to the vet. It would be better than having someone constantly belittling you for grieving. The ride was hell, but you persevered for (dog name). You needed to say goodbye to him.

When you left the car and walked into the building, it felt as if you were walking through the nine rings of hell with blazing infernos licking at your skin with every step. Dread and despair filled and overwhelmed you with every step.

When a nurse escorted you to the room, she offered you her condolences and left you to say goodbye. With wide eyes, you slowly walked over to your mom and saw the motionless bundle of fur in her hands. It looked like he was sleeping, but you knew better. She looked at you with so much heartbreak and sadness as tears slipped down her cheeks that you remembered that he was her dog in the end and they’ve always had an unbreakable bond. You needed to be strong for her.

Your stony facade broke the second your mom handed you (dog name). He was cold and stiff as he laid unmoving in your arms, not even trying to wiggle out of your embrace like he always did. You were never his favorite person. He felt so… different. So wrong.

Time passed around you as you held him and cried into his fur. This situation was very similar to your previous one that happened about a year and a half ago when your bird passed away and that was what finally sent you over the edge. Before you knew it, your mom was dragging you out of the building so he could get cremated. Your dad had long since gone home so he could get ready for work, so that left you to ride home with your mom. Not that you were complaining, it was certainly better than riding home with your dad. You just wished that you could drive so she could get some rest.

By time you got home, it was about the same time you would leave for school. As you were driving down your neighborhood, you saw a very familiar car pass you. It was Techno, Wilbur, and Tommy’s car. They were probably going to school. You kept your head down and stared intensely at your tightly clasped hands.

The second the car was in park in your driveway, you made a beeline for your room. For the rest of the day, you hid underneath your covers and ignored the incessant buzzing of your phone on the nightstand. You spent that time alone having a panic attack. This was your longest and most intense one yet, by the time it finally calmed down it was 10:30 at night.

You smacked your dry lips together and feel absolutely drained. The buzzing still wouldn’t let up, so you reached out with a shaky hand and opened your phone. You had at least eighty combined missed texts from Wilbur, Tommy, and Techno.

Tuesday, Innit?

Yo, the fuck’s goin on?

Why the hell did you ignore us when we passed you???

Music man take me by the hand lead me to the land

Ignore that dumbass

What’s going on? You weren’t at school today

(Y/n)?

Technology Sword

You don’t have to tell us what happened if you’re not comfortable

Just tell us if you’re okay

That was only the start of the messages in the group chat. Granted it was mostly Tommy spamming your name and Wilbur and Techno trying to get him to chill out, but some of the messages managed to calm the swirling panic inside of you slightly. Your phone buzzed as you got another text. This time, it was an individual one from Technoblade.

Technology Sword

Look out your window, grab your notebook

You raised your eyebrows slightly as you read the message. Your window was right across from Technoblade’s, so when you saw Taylor Swift’s “You Belong With Me” music video and showed it to Techno, you both decided that this would be your primary communication before you eventually got phones. It wasted a ton of paper, but you both felt like the main characters in a story so you kept doing it. You hadn’t done this since you got your phone and he got his.

After you grabbed your spare notebook and a sharpie, you sat up in your bed and turned on your lamp. When you opened your curtains, you saw Techno smiling at you before he grabbed his notebook and wrote ‘hello’.

You uncapped your marker, wrote ‘hi’, and shakily raised it to him. You saw him frown at your shakiness, he wrote ‘you okay?’

You stared at your paper for a bit contemplating whether or not you should tell him the truth. It was no use in lying to him, he knew you better than you knew yourself. After a moment, you wrote ‘no’.

You watched as he frowned and his eyebrows crinkled together in an upwards slant. ‘Discord?’

‘Sure’

You closed your curtains once more and opened up your PC. You could already see that Techno, Wilbur, and Tommy were in a separate voice channel. When you joined, you were startled by Tommy’s loud screaming and Wilbur’s hysterical laughter.

“WILBUR YOU PRICK WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT I WORKED SO HARD GETTING THAT NETHERITE!”

They were interrupted by a knock on Tommy’s door, “Tommy for the love of god it’s almost eleven at night kiddo. You can keep playing but please just keep it down.”

“SORRY DADZA!”

“Good job dumbass,” Wilbur chuckled.

“Hey (y/n), how’re you?” Techno’s somewhat pointed voice interrupted them. “(Y/N)! Please tell Wilbur that it’s not cool to borrow my armor and ‘accidentally’ fall into a lava lake.”

“It was an accident I swear!” Wilbur’s slight chuckle told you otherwise. “Wilbur,” your croaky and wobbly voice scolded him quietly, “not cool.”

The voice channel went silent as you logged into your shared minecraft server. You immediately spawned in the main lobby at spawn that you built the last time you logged in. You got to work gathering wood for walls you were going to build around the city. You saw Techno’s character run to you and help you gather wood.

“...You good, (y/n)?” Tommy’s voice took on an uncharacteristic level of gentleness and concern.

“‘M fine.”

After a while of silence, you heard keyboards start to click again. Gradually conversation started back up and everything felt lighthearted once more. Though, you only talked when you were prompted to. After gathering the correct amount of wood, you and Techno went back to your house so you could craft some slabs. However as you approached the crafting table, you passed your bed. Next to your bed was your pet dog, barking slightly and looking at you with it’s pixel eyes.

You could feel tears well up in your eyes at the sight of the pixelated dog. With a lump forming in your throat you struggled to breathe through it, your breaths coming out shuttering. You made quick work of muting yourself on Discord and started sobbing, the white dog staring at you sitting on top of your minecraft bed. This wasn’t a panic attack, you knew that. But you still felt overcome by a massive wave of grief.

After a bit, you saw Techno’s character pop in front of you and start hitting the air. In chat, you saw that he private messaged you ‘vc 2’

You clicked off the main voice chat and was immediately greeted by Techno’s gentle voice. “What’s goin on buddy?” He was only met with your sobs, “deep breaths.”

“I’m not having a panic attack.”

“Still, deep breaths are good. Follow me.” With that, you two worked on getting your breathing back to normal and your tears slowly stopped. The entire time he was giving you praise and gentle reassurances whenever you tried to apologize to him. By the time you stopped crying you felt almost completely drained.

“You okay now?” You hummed in confirmation, too tired to say anything. “Thank you Tech, I-I’m sorry-”

“Stop apologizing for feeling emotions. They’re one hundred percent valid… Do you feel comfortable telling me what happened?”

“I…” You trailed off as you couldn’t bring yourself to say the words out loud. “You don’t have to tell me, ya know.” Technoblade gently reminded you.

“I’ll PM it to you.” With that, you PMed him on minecraft explaining that your dog died this morning. “Fuck, I’m so sorry (y/n). I’m sure he isn’t suffering anymore. Did- did they ever find out what caused the seizures?”

“No, but… he had tons of health issues that I’m glad he doesn’t have to deal with anymore.”

“Do you wanna talk about the good times with him with Wil and Tommy? If you don’t want to we can just talk about them here.”

“Let’s rejoin the main voice channel.”

“Hey (y/n), how’re you doing?” Wilbur gently asked you. “I’m alright, do- do you guys know what happened?” They both said yes. Technoblade must’ve told them what was happening.

“(Y/n) come outside. We built something for you.” Tommy was uncharastically gentle.

When you moved to go outside of your minecraft house and Wilbur and Tommy led you to an empty spot in the city you four were building, you stopped in your tracks. In front of you built in various types of stone was a dog statue. In front of it stood a sign that read ‘in loving memory of (dog name)’.

“We aren’t done with it, but we can finish it in a couple of hours,” Wilbur mumbled into the microphone.

“No, it’s perfect as it is. I don’t know what to say guys…”

“You don’t have to say anything, just know that we’re here for you.” Tommy said, his minecraft character walking over to your own and hitting you.

“Oi, don’t hit them!” Techno punched him back and that started an all out brawl between the two. It quickly ended when Techno pulled out his fully enchanted netherite sword named ‘Orphan Obliterator’.

“Get fucked, nerd.” You could just tell Tommy was holding in screaming at his brother. “I’m not the nerd here, you’re the one that reads for fun.” Tommy retorted. You heard shuffling on Techno’s end and him walking away from his PC. You were about to ask what was happening before you heard Tommy silently scream in terror. “Oh fuck he’s coming!” You assumed that Tommy ran to lock his door. Not long after that you heard a knock, “I just wanna talk.”

“No! You-”

“I just wanna talk.”

“Let him talk, Tommy!”

“NO WILBUR.”

You heard Philza’s groggy muffled voice, “it is midnight on a Friday. I don’t care what happens or who fights who, just do it in your own rooms and do it quietly.”

“Sorry Dad,” you heard Techno’s retreating steps before he returned to his chair. “You’re a douche, Technoblade.”

“I just wanted to talk, Tommy.” At that, Techno started beating Tommy to death once more. Each time he would kill Tommy, he would give Tommy a small head start before he would find him again. While this was happening, Wilbur PMed you ‘wanna prank Tommy and Techno? I’m thinking we put chickens under their houses’.

You looked at his player and nodded. You and Wilbur got to work luring chickens into holes you dug around their bases and burying them so that they were close enough to hear, but deep enough for it to be mildly inconvenient finding them. After you two were done with that, you met at spawn again.

“Techno stop killing Tommy. We want to tell stories about (dog name).” You saw Techno’s character sprint to your group and Tommy’s come up from a hole in the ground. “I was just about to find him.”

“Thank you! God, I hate it when he does that.”

The rest of the night you four spent reminiscing on the funny things that (dog name) did over the years. At some points you even laughed along with them. After you told them that you wanted to take your senior pictures with him, Techno offered to edit him into your photos. You didn’t know when you passed out but when you woke up, you had a crick in your neck and your PC monitor was off. You could hear three sets of soft snoring on the other end of the call. You felt yourself drifting off to their gentle breathing and smiled slightly; with them, everything felt better.

#sbi x reader #sleepy bois x reader #sleepy bois inc x reader #technoblade x reader #wilbur soot x reader #tommyinnit x reader #mcyt x reader #dream smp x reader #sbi family au #requests #hellion's requests #tw: panic attack #tw: anxiety #tw: animal death #tw: animal injury #tw: swearing

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realcube · 3 years

Text

comforting you during a thunderstorm ⛈

summary: you’re not much of a scaredy-cat but you do have an immense fear of thunder storms which you didn’t tell him about. so this is how he comforts you

characters: saiki k, bokuto, suna

tw// thunderstorms, hurt/comfort

thanks to anon for the wholesome request 🥺 this reminds me of ohshc & i love it so much 💞

Kusuo Saiki

he just popped downstairs to bid farewell to his mother before she headed out to buy groceries, leaving you and him home alone

he didn’t even notice the thunderstorm, until his mom mentioned it

‘oh, i have to walk to the bus-stop in this horrible weather. is there anyway you could make it stop, ku?’

as much as he wanted to say ‘yes, but i cba. cope.’ he just blurted out a ‘no.’ before heading back up to his room

he didn’t think you were scared of anything tbh

i mean you killed a cockroach for him one time so you were basically a fearless god, in his eyes

so imagine his surprise when he walked into his room and..you were gone

he was confused for a moment until he heard faint sobs and whimpers from inside his closet

he slid the door open to reveal you cowering in the corner with your knees pulled up to your chest and your face buried between them, sniffing and only moving when you had to use your hand to wipe away the tears that poured from your eyes and threatened to stain your leggings

‘i go for a minute and this is what happens-- are you crying?’

that was when you realised that saiki had entered the room once again and when you looked up, you saw his tall, daunting figure looking down at you - the glow from the lightening behind him not doing any favours as it just made him look even more unnerving

‘i don’t cry. i’m just.. excreting my eye juices. it clears your skin-- ah!’ you tried to explain but you were cut of by another boom of thunder rattle through the house

‘you’re lying.’

yeah, you knew he was a psychic so you weren’t really sure why you thought you’d be able to get the lie passed him

also, due to his psychic abilities and common sense, he figured that the thunder/lightening was the reason for your distress

saiki sighed, not really sure if he should do what he was about to but upon seeing how frightened you were and the nervous series of continuous thoughts rushing through your head...he just had to

you heard another noise which sounded rather different from thunder but it startled you none the less

you looked up at your boyfriend for comfort, only to notice that he was gone

then, you caught a glimpse of something unusual from the window

you approached it hesitantly and peered outside to see the cluster of storm clouds being swept aside like dust by some unknown force, to reveal the bright blue sky that was hiding behind it

you were in awe and although the masses probably thought this was the work of god or the wind, it didn’t take long for you to figure out that it was your psychic boyfriend who was behind it all

‘it’s gone now.’ his voice tickled your ears from behind and to say it gave you the fright of your life was an understatement

you jumped, alarmed at first but once you turned around for your eyes to meet his, you couldn’t help but feel a wave of relief wash over you

‘oh, yes. thank you, saiki!’ you chirped, throwing your arms around him and pulling him into a tight embrace

he was a bit taken back at first but it didn’t take long for him to melt into your touch and hug back, cradling your head and patting it bc i hc that is how he hugs/cuddles

(he just wants you to feel safe with him 🥺 even though he is an OP psychic who could probably kill you if he’s not careful)

anyway, saiki will ensure that you never experience another thunderstorm for as long as you live

Kōtarō Bokuto

you already know that the first thing bokuto is going to do when he sees you cry and cuddle up next to you and cry too so you don’t feel embarrassed

but like when he comes back from the kitchen and heating the pizza he was about to eat, then he noticed you curled up under a blanket on the couch, shivering and whimpering..he drops the pizza

like he is so shocked

he didn’t want to believe that you were crying tbh

but as your bf it was his duty to comfort you

bc you always comfort him so well when he feels down and he wants to do the same for you!!

anyway, the first thing he does is join you under the blanket and cry with you for a bit

but his fake wails are so bad that you can’t help but laugh FVHIDBFA

once he notices that he’d cheered you up slightly, he’ll inquire, ‘are you scared of thunder?’

you nodded slightly, gently leaning your head on his strong shoulder, ‘a bit.’

bokuto bent his arm to pat and rub your head reassuringly, ‘but you’re so fearless, (y/n)! remember that time you went bungee jumping and even I was too afraid to do it?!’

you simply shrugged, tensing as you heard the thunder rumble through the living room

‘but anyway,’ bokuto hummed, placing a gentle kiss on your temple, ‘is there anything i can do to make you feel better?’

you shrugged once again, ‘maybe just stay with me for a bit longer, please.’

your wish was his command ✨

now there is no way he’s leaving your side until the storm passes

whether that takes a few minutes or the whole night

he’s not going to leave you even to eat the pizza he had dropped on the living room floor

and he hold you close against his chest so you know that he’s not going going anywhere

also, he started talking not only instinctively but also to drown out the sound of the thunder and redirect your attention onto him

‘and then kuroo was all like SUPRISE!! and i was all like THANKS, MAN BUT IT’S NOT EVEN MY BIRTHDAY and then kuroo was like I KNOW!! god, he knows me so well.’

‘hey, (y/n) - we should dress up for halloween his year! kuroo and his girlfriend are doing a couples costume so i think we should do one too and out-shine them! i was thinkin’ fred and daphne except you can be fred.’

‘i was looking on five minute crafts of food the other day - don’t ask why - and some of the desserts were lookin’ kinda tasty tbh. i’ll send you the link so we can make ‘em sometime.’

‘why did you comment ‘i’ll give you my first born child in exchange for you to crush my skull with your thicc, juicy, scrumptious thighs 🤤😳’ under my instagram pic? and why does it have 1k likes?’

needless to say, you can’t be sad for too when you’re around bokuto lmao

Rintarō Suna

RAIEVABTG DON’T EVEN LIE HE’D JUST BE LIKE ‘cover your ears den lmao’

ok ok so you’re on facetime with him and thunder blares through your room - it’s so loud that even he can hear it through the phone - and you jump, immediately pulling your blankets over yourself

he was hitting his vape then he pulled away to look at his phone again and you were gone (bc you had brought your phone under the covers with you and obvs it was dark)

he could also hear your little whimpers even though you tried you best to hide them by slapping your hand over your mouth

‘doll, where’d ya go?’ he inquired, concern laced in his voice. he opened his drawer to toss his vape away but he did not avert his eyes from the screen just in case something happened

‘i’m still here. just under the covers.’ you spoke, doing your best to hide how shaky your voice was

‘why?’ he puffed, allowing the vapor to leak from his mouth and escape out to his surrounding - which was his bedroom

‘oh, no reason.’

suna knew you were lying, it wasn’t hard to tell, ‘well, if that’s the case, can you come out from the cover, doll? i wanna see your face.’

‘-no.’ you immediately replied, letting out a feeble sigh as you realised that lying wasn’t going to get you anywhere. ‘i’m just a bit afraid of the thunder, that’s all.’

suna cocked his head to the side, ‘thunder? never heard that one before.’ he said, mentally cursing himself out just as he said that since it came out a lot harsher than he intended, ‘erm, why don’t you try putting your headphones on?’ he suggested in a soft voice, trying to make up for the uncalled-for comment he made

you hummed in agreement, wondering why you didn’t think of that

momentarily tossing your duvet aside, you rushed to your desk where you black headphones were laying, you picked them up and dashed back towards your bed as if someone was chasing you, diving onto it, pulling the cover back over your head and plugging the headphones into your phone before pulling them over your ears

‘this helps a bit. thanks, suna.’

suna’s eyes widened as he slumped back against his headboard, ‘suna? what happened to babe?’

‘thanks, babe.’ you corrected yourself with a giggle

now that suna’s voice was the most prominent sound in your ears, the thunder seemed to fade into satisfying background noise

you couldn’t get over the random flashes of lightening though, those always made you yelp - and he noticed this

‘i really wish you were here right now.’ you mused, hugging your pillow to your chest to imitate what you’d to if he was here with you, ‘i’d give you all my kisses.’

‘bet.’ was the last thing you heard before he hung up on you

you were quite bummed at first but then you registered that he was probably on his way over :))

and he was!

you heard a few loud knocks on your door followed by a monotone mutter ‘let me in, i’m freezing my tits off out here.’

ofc you let him in and after you led him to your bedroom, he immediately pinned you to your bed, ‘you know what i’m here for.’

‘huh?’

he was confused for a moment but then he noticed that you still had the headphones on

he snickered, momentarily pulling one of the earpads away from your ear to say, ‘kisses.’

458 notes · View notes

reidgraygubler · 3 years

Text

sounds like sweet talk to my ears (spencer reid/fem!reader)

Title: Sounds Like Sweet Talk to My Ears

Request: kinda, it was already written but someone asked for it to be posted

Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader

Category: smut, fluff (18+ CONTENT!)

Content Warning: age gap between two consenting adults (Reader is 22. So it’s 15 years), swearing, sexual content (fingering, bathtub sex (?), groping, penetrative sex/creampie, hand kink), falling in love with a sugar daddy, mildly ooc spencer, light drinking, Sugar daddy!Spencer, sugar daddy relationship, mentions of under-aged drinking (in the past)

Word Count: 4,507

Summary: Reader and Spencer go on vacation where their relationship develops.

A/N: few things, this authors note might be a little long. And im sorry for that. This was written for a full length fic with mgg as the person. But i have heavily edited it to be for spencer instead. So if there are any weird things, or spencer being way out of character, that is why. Like i said this was originally going to be a full length fic (this was previously written!!), but i have since stopped writing it, i think i have one other part that is right after this, so if this part goes good, i’ll probably post the next part. secondly, this was also written for a friend of mine, who is 22, that is why the age gap is so big between reader and spencer. It was also written an original character, but i tried my best to make it be reader insert friendly (lots of petnames and nicknames)... someone on my nsfw blog (@reidsprincess ) asked about this, bc i found this gif that reminded me of this particular fic. Anyways… thanks for the love! Check out my masterlist!

~*~* THIS DOES CONTAIN 18+ CONTENT!! *~*~

{***}{***}{***}

“This place is beautiful,” I gasped once we were both in the small beach bungalow room. It was more grandiose than the last place we stayed in. The whole place was cozy and comfortable. This was a place I was never expected to be in...

The front door was connected to the living room, it was a comfortable room, two loveseats, and two armchairs. A flat-screen TV was mounted on the wall across from the furniture. And the kitchen was attached to the living room, separating the two with a breakfast bar and stools. The kitchen itself was better than the kitchen in my apartment. I was jealous of the owner of this home. Flowers and lit candles sat on every open surface.

The kitchen had a set of sliding glass doors, which opened up onto a patio. And that held outdoor furniture, and table and chairs set. Something told me it also housed a jacuzzi, and I was more than excited to utilize that later. The bedroom and bathroom were tuck elsewhere, but I had a feeling that it was as beautiful as the rest of the home.

The house sat on the beach. The sand was pure white and the water was perfectly blue. I couldn’t wait to run and play in the sand. As childish as that sounds… I’ve never been to the beach, so this is all new to me.

“Spencer,” I looked behind my shoulder and at him. He looked down at me with a smile as he set the luggage down on the ground beside him.

“How about,” Spencer pressed his lips to my ear and whispered. His fingers danced across my bare arm, leaving goosebumps in their wake. I shuddered and smiled softly. “I go run us a bath, while you order food? Dinner with dessert? Champagne?” he offered, dropping his hand to the hem of my shirt. I chuckled lightly and pushed his hand off me.

“That’s your idea of a perfect evening?” I asked, turning around to face him. “Dinner and a bath?” I chuckled lightly. He was looking down at me; the smile on his lips told me everything I needed to know. That he needed me right now more than I needed him. Although, I don’t think it’s possible for him to need me more than I needed him.

“Any evening with you is a perfect evening,” he whispered, lifting his hand to rest on my cheek. His hand fell down the side of my cheek and rested under my jaw, his thumb rested on the apple of my chin. I grinned as the familiar feeling of butterflies grew in my tummy.

“Oh you be quiet,” I whispered as I lifted my arms to wrap around his neck. He hummed before pressing a kiss to my lips. I hummed, pulling him down more so we were more so eye level. He wrapped his free arm around my waist and pulled me so I was close to his body. I breathed out a laugh through my nose. After a second, he pulled away from me and kept his eyes on me. “I guess you’re in luck then,” I smiled, placing my hands on his cheeks.

“How so?” he whispered, pressing his face into my hands. I smiled and went onto my toes.

“Because our perfect evenings sound very similar,” I whispered and pecked his lips, “Every evening with you is perfect,” I smiled before walking away from him.

“What… What are you doing, Sunshine?” Spencer asked in a complaining tone as I walked towards the kitchen. I looked over my shoulder at him as I pulled my phone out of my pocket.

“Dinner?” I waved my phone in the air, “What do you want?” I looked back at my phone and smiled.

“Whatever you want will be fine,” he came back up to me and kissed me again before going towards the bathroom, “Bubbles?” he called before stepping into the bathroom. I laughed as I pressed my phone to my ear.

“You know me so well, Spence!” I smiled and sat on one of the stools at the breakfast bar. I looked around the kitchen and living room, taking in the beautiful decor. I wonder how he knew about this place...

I quickly ordered food before finding my way to the bathroom. And, the bathroom was just as impressive as the rest of the house. One wall was just a window that faced the beach. And a large white bathtub sat in front of the window. A shower was tucked in the wall, just so it was out of the way, but even that was beautiful. And of course, it had a toilet and sink.

“Do you… Live here?” I asked, watching as Spencer was filling the tub. “Or like… Do you own this house? I mean… This is just. This is a beautiful house,” I leaned against the counter and looked at him. He stood up from the tub and looked at me.

“Sometimes…” he paused as he looked around the bathroom. Sometimes? How do you sometimes live somewhere? “On the very rare occasion, when I have time off… I take my mother down here for a week. She loves the beach and the ocean and the sand in her toes,” he smiled as he rolled the sleeves of his shirt down. Okay, I guess that makes sense. “You order dinner?” he asked, resting his hands on the counter beside me. I looked up at him and nodded.

“Yeah, yeah, dinner’s ordered and on its way here,” I nodded and rested a hand on his chest. He quirked an eyebrow and smiled softly.

“What’d you order?” he rested his hands on my waist. I smiled and cocked my head to the side, allowing his hands to wander up my sides.

“I’m sorry, it’s a surprise. I don’t want to tell you,” I smiled at him. Spencer wrinkled his nose before kissing my forehead. I let out a breath of air and shrugged. “You’ll find out in 20 minutes. You should save some space in the bath for hot water,” I poked his nose before sneaking away from his arms. He grasped my wrists and pulled me back so I was in front of him.

“Where are you going?” he asked, looking down at me. I flashed my brightest smile and shrugged.

“Champagne,” I batted my eyelashes. Spencer laughed and nodded. “You still want a glass or do you want to get in the bath now?” I offered as I walked back towards the kitchen.

“As always,” Spencer followed behind me. “I’ll grab a bottle, you get the glasses?” he asked, going towards a mini wine cooler. I nodded and opened a cabinet. I opened a few before finally pulling out two glasses.

“If this is your mother’s place, why aren’t there any photos of your family?” I asked, leaning on the counter as I sipped my beverage. Spencer turned and looked at me, leaning across from me on the counter.

“We rent it out on season.” He replied, looking down at his glass. I nodded.

“What does that mean?” I asked, feeling mildly stupid. He looked at me with a smile. “Sorry. But you gotta remember that I’m an elementary school teacher’s assistant… Who's poor. I have an apartment that I can barely afford… Not two houses, one of which I rent out.” I pointed out. Spencer laughed and nodded. “Or did you think I was just sleeping with you for fun,” I leaned over the counter to kiss his lips.

“Hurt,” he placed his hand on his chest in a mockery of hurt. I smiled at him and cocked my head. He looked back at me with a small smile on his lips. “Basically, when we’re not here, we rent it out… But we don’t have too many people staying here,” he chuckled before sipping his drink. “As for sleeping with me just for fun? I didn’t know it was just for fun,” he pouted. I smiled and shrugged.

“Can’t forget about that paycheck too,” I smiled at him and winked. Spencer looked at me with raised eyebrows, causing me to laugh. “And, I think the fun is just an added bonus feature…” I laughed, throwing my head back. “I thought what we were was just money and sex? Nothing more,” I whispered, leaning on the counter. Spencer looked at me and shrugged.

“It could be more than that,” he smiled. I lowered my glass to the countertop and stared at him. I could feel my lips trying to pull into a smile, but the longer I stared at him, the more I wished this wasn’t a dream. Because that’s all it felt like when I was with him. A dream.

“Surely… You can’t be serious, Spencer,” I whispered, finally looking away from him. Spencer lifted his hand and rested it on my cheek, carefully turning my head back to look at him.

“I’ve never been serious like this before, Sunshine. And, please, don’t call me Shirley,” he whispered, poking my nose. I smiled and leaned over the counter again, kissing his lips.

“Only if you’re serious, Spencer. I understand you’re a busy man yourself, with all that saving people with the FBI,” I whispered. He nodded, keeping his hand on my face. I wasn’t exactly sure if he was being serious, mostly because he’s a bit older than me and most people my age (and his age) don’t take such a big age gap.

A knock on the door caused us both to look that direction. I looked back at him and smiled. “Oh no. What’d you order?” He asked, watching me bounce towards the front door. I pulled the door open and met the delivery man with a smile.

“Thank you very much,” I smiled and took the food and pressed the door shut. “I got pizza because I really wanted pepperoni pizza,” I looked at him as I held the box up. Spencer laughed and nodded as he grabbed the two champagne glasses and bottle.

“I’m okay with having pizza,” he smiled before taking the lead back to the bathroom. I held the box in a tight grip as I followed behind him. “Although, I never pictured pizza to be a fancy dinner before a bath,” he looked over at me with a quirked eyebrow. I laughed before I sat on the ground.

“I mean, you are the one who put me in charge of ordering dinner,” I looked at him, watching as he sat on the ground across from me. He sat against the cabinets of the sink counter. I shoved his food towards him and smiled. “It just shows we have two different tastes. I mean, remember the first night we met. You ordered room service for steak and chicken alfredo,” I pointed out as I pulled my food out of the bag. “I’m a simple woman. I like pepperoni pizza,” I smiled at him.

“I think I’ll put you in charge of ordering food more often,” Spencer smiled at me as he went for a slice of pizza.

“I think that’s a good idea,” I grinned. “I’ll be sure to eat quick. I’ve never been so ready for a bath in my entire life,” I spoke as I moved to sit closer to him.

“Take your time. We have all the time in the world, Princess,” he smiled as he sipped his champagne. I felt my face warm up a bit as I looked away from him. Something about the petname he has for me just gets me going, and I love it. He definitely knew that too, that I loved the petname of Princess.

“Glad to know that,” I giggled as I looked at my mostly-empty glass.

{***}{***}{***}

“More champagne, Princess?” Spencer’s voice was low as he held up the bottle that was now mostly empty. I lolled my head back onto his shoulder and rested my elbows on his knees (I was sitting between his legs in the bath) and held up my glass.

“I would love more,” I whispered, watching him pour too much into my glass. I hummed happily, telling him it was enough. He placed the bottle back on the stool and wrapped both arms back around my body. The bathwater was warm and matched with how much booze I was drinking, I knew I was beyond intoxicated. I’m sure Spencer’s presence only fueled that feeling. No, it 100% added to that feeling. I knew that. And, he knew that. He knew he had a way with me that no other man would have, or ever have even.

“You should pace yourself, Princess,” Spencer whispered, pressing his lips to my shoulder. I giggled before sipping my drink, telling him I shouldn’t. His breath of air fanned over my skin as he began pressing kisses to my neck.

“You, Spencer, should stop giving me alcohol,” I looked up at him as best I could. He smiled and kissed me again. “Besides... you’ve had just as much... as me,” I spoke through tiny hiccups. Spencer chuckled and rubbed my shoulders before pressing his lips back to them. My eyes rolled into the back of my head as the unknown tension slipped away. Damn his touch.

“Okay, that’s fair,” he murmured into my skin. "However, I've been drinking for sixteen years. You, Sunshine, are only 22 and have only been drinking a year,” he stated like I would follow the rules. I held back the cackle that so desperately wanted to escape my lips. Me? Follow the rules?? Never ever… This should be a fun thing to tell him.

"True… But I have been drinking since I was 18," I smiled and nodded. I sipped my champagne as I rested my head back on his chest. Spencer made a sound of disapproval which only made me laugh. Oh yeah, that’s right… Under aged drinking is illegal… and he is an FBI agent... “Okay, since when have you known me to follow the rules? I’m dating a man 15 years older than me,” I pointed out.

"Oh, you naughty girl." Spencer playfully scolded me. I pouted before humming again.

“Yes, but I’m your naughty girl,” I laughed, arching my back a little bit. I felt his hand travel from my stomach and to my thighs. I hummed as I got a little more comfortable for what he was about to do. “Starting early,” I teased. Spencer let out a breathy laugh. He gently pressed his lips to my throat, right on my pulse point. I gasped lightly as he parted his lips and sucked a spot on my neck. I held my glass just outside of the tub.

“I’d rather have champagne in the bath than champagne and glass on the floor,” he kept his voice low as he pulled my hand back over the bath. I laughed and shook my head. “Is this okay,” he asked as his other hand traveled a bit more upwards, towards me.

“It’s always okay,” I whispered, taking a deep breath of air. I could feel my heart beating in my chest, I wouldn’t be surprised if Spencer could feel and hear it.

“Let me take this,” he spoke, taking my glass from my hands. I let out a sound of protest as he took my glass and pressed my head into his chest. He chuckled as he placed the glass on the stool beside the empty bottle. “You can have it back,” he spoke in a mocking tone. I pouted and dropped my head to my shoulder. “In a minute,” he added, his tone becoming a little bit more smug. I rolled my eyes and let out a huff of air.

“Fine,” I whispered. Spencer chuckled again and placed his hand back on my thigh. I hummed happily and looked up at him. “Do you have to be such a tease all the time?” I pouted at him. He smiled and shrugged before dragging his hand closer to my center.

“Could be more than a tease,” he replied in a whisper. I rolled my eyes and let out a deep breath of air. I carefully lifted my foot out of the water and rested it on the ledge of the tub. “Oh no, you’re gonna get water all over the floor,” he scolded.

“Oh no,” It was my turn to mock him. I smiled as I waved my foot in the air. Spencer hummed before pressing his lips to the side of my head. “A little bit of wet never killed anyone,” I snickered. Except, that snicker became a gasp when he pushed a finger past my folds. My eyes fluttered shut as my jaw stayed slack open. I pressed my back into his chest, feeling his arousal on my lower back. I nearly slipped under the water if Spencer hadn’t had his other arm around my waist, holding me safely against his body.

“Calm down there, Princess,” Spencer laughed as he held me up. I glared over my shoulder at him. “Don’t need you slipping under the water. I think you’re wet enough,” he added as his finger slowly circled my clit. My hands gripped the side of the tub and then moved to rest on his knees.

“I fucking hate you,” I muttered but moaned towards the end of my statement. Spencer laughed as he pressed his lips to the side of my head. His other arm was pressed against my chest, keeping me still as I wiggled and writhed under his touch. A breathy moan fell from my lips as he picked up his pace.

“No, I don’t think you do,” he whispered, keeping his lips close to my ear. My eyes fluttered shut as I dropped my head to the side. Spencer took this as his chance to press kisses across the space behind my ear, causing me to gasp lightly. Spencer hummed, pleased with how I was reacting to any sort of his touches.

I lifted both my hands and gripped his arm as he slowly eased a finger into my center. I pressed my nails so hard into his arm, I wouldn’t be surprised if come morning he’d have crescent-shaped bruises there.

A man like Spencer who has hands as beautiful as his, he clearly knows what he’s doing. It’d be a sin if he didn’t. A loss for all of womankind. I guess that’s why I’m so pleased that it’s me under his hands right now and not a different girl. I quite literally love his hands, and the way he can just work his magic with his fingers, getting me going in a matter of minutes. He wasn’t lying when he said he was a magician.

“You alright, Princess,” he asked, keeping his tone low as he continued thrusting his fingers in and out of me, curling them just right. I hope the gasp I gave was a good response because I don’t think I knew words right now. My brain was getting fuzzy, and my belly was starting to grow tense. Like a coil deep within me was about to break.

“S’close,” I mustered out. I swallowed roughly as he began rubbing my clit with the heel of his palm. My whimpers, gasps, and moans weren’t evenly timid as he picked up the pace, finally pushing me over the edge.

I was a mess. There’s no other way of putting it. But, I’m always a mess when I’m with him.

Spencer slowly withdrew his hand from between my legs and placed it over top of his other arm, embracing me like his life depended on it. I took a deep breath, trying to steady my breathing. A giggle fell from my lips as I threw my head back against his chest. Spencer hummed as he looked down at me.

“I love your fucking hands,” I turned my head and looked at him. Spencer smiled at me and laughed before pulling his hands off me to look at them. I took one of them in my own and looked at it, entranced by his veins and freckles peppered over the backside. It felt right for his hand to be in mine.

“Thank you… I guess. I think that’s a compliment,” he mused as he placed his arms back over my chest and kissed my cheek. “You good?” he asked, his thumbs rubbing my shoulders.

“Yeah, I’m gonna go dry off and get water. Better see you in the bedroom.” I smiled at him. He pressed another kiss to my face before allowing me to get out.

“As you wish, Princess,” he smiled at me as I grabbed a towel. His eyes lingered on me for a moment as I wrapped the towel around my body. “I’ll be right behind you,” he added as I grabbed our glasses and empty champagne bottle.

I smiled at him as I left the bathroom, making my way across towards the kitchen. True to my word, I got a glass of water and drank half of it in one sip. I grabbed a second glass and retreated back towards the bedroom.

Spencer wasn’t finished in the bathroom, I could still hear him splashing around in the water. I grinned and shook my head as I stepped into the bedroom. I placed the two glasses on the nightstand. I sat on the edge of the bed, waiting for him to finish.

Not even two minutes later, Spencer entered the room, towel around his waist. I stared at him, my eyes lingering on his shoulders, down his arms to his hands, before flicking to gaze upon his belly and torso. I felt my lips twitch as I stood, leaving my towel behind. He smiled as I basically sprinted up to him.

I placed an open mouth kiss over his lips, putting my arms around his neck to pull him down to my height. I could feel his grin against my lips as our noses smooshed together. His arms wrapped around my waist as he brought us to the bed.

“You’re so eager, Princess,” he muttered against my lips. I hummed as I threaded my fingers through his hair. That action elicited a moan from his lips, making me smile. He gently pushed me against the bed, standing at the foot as I got myself to lie at the pillows. The way he looked at me told me he was pleased with how the night was going to end. And honestly, I understood.

He dropped his towel from his hips, letting it fall to the floor, before kneeling on the bed. I took a deep breath as I stared at him, keeping my eyes on my face. I knew if they wandered any further, I’d become a puddle right there. Well, more of a puddle than I already was.

Spencer smiled at me as his fingers ghosted my legs. He gently placed a kiss on different parts of my body as he made his way up to my face. The bliss I felt was unexplainable as he grasped one of my hands and kissed my lips.

He looked down at me, a small smile on his lips. My chest heaved as my breathing picked up once again. The kisses he pressed to the swells of my breasts made me feel like I was floating. That, or it was the softness of the mattress and bedding beneath us.

“You ready for me, Princess?” he asked, pressing a knee between my legs, separating them so he could fit comfortably between them. I licked my lips and nodded, keeping my eyes on his. His nose twitched as a smile grew on his lips. He brought a hand to rest on my cheek. “I need to hear you say it,” he leaned close to my ear and whispered.

“Yeah, yes… I’m always ready,” I swallowed roughly and nodded. Spencer pulled his hand from my face and moved it to my hip. I lifted my legs and wrapped them around his waist, pulling him close to me. He smiled and kissed my lips, a simple distraction as he pressed his cock into me. The breath in my lungs was knocked from me, causing me to loud gasp. Spencer smiled against my lips.

“You feel so good, Princess,” he groaned, dropping his head to my shoulder. It took a minute for either of us to move, adjusting to the feeling of each other. “Ready,” he asked, moving to place his forehead on mine. I swallowed and nodded, bringing my hands to rest on his cheeks.

A smile twitched on his lips as he slowly started to move his hips. At first, it was an unsure rhythm but slowly grew in a slow and meaningful pace. His hands roamed my body before wrapping around my torso and holding me close.

“Faster,” I panted, pulling my hands from his face and knotting them in his hair, again. He nodded, picking his pace. A familiar feeling in my belly, the coil winding, returned. The groans that fell from Spencer’s lips pushed me closer.

“You’re doing so good, Princess,” his voice was low and rough as he spoke.

I pulled a hand away from his head and brought it between our bodies. I began rubbing my clit, pushing me closer to the edge. Spencer’s thrusting grew more erratic.

“Come with me, please,” I whimpered, keeping my arm around him. He nodded and groaned as I clenched around him. After a moment, we both became a mess. Moans and gasps of each other’s names filled the silent bedroom.

Spencer stayed put above me for a minute, his arms around my body and holding me close. We took our time coming down from our shared high. A whimper escaped my lips as he pulled out from me and collapsed on the bed beside me.

“I got you water,” I panted, vaguely gesturing towards the two glasses of water on the nightstand. Spencer chuckled as he reached for a glass. I watched as he drank the water, his adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. I smiled at him, keeping my eyes on him. I knew I should look away, but I couldn’t. “You’re right, I don’t hate you,” I swallowed roughly and shook my head.

“I know I’m right,” he looked down at me with a smile. I rolled my eyes and watched him get off the bed. I furrowed my eyebrows and sat up. “I’m always right, Princess,” he looked over his shoulder and at me. I smiled and nodded as I got off the bed.

“So much for taking a bath,” I rolled my eyes as I felt our mixture roll down my legs. “I’m gonna shower,” I smiled at him as I walked towards him. He pecked my lips and nodded.

“Don’t have too much fun without me,” he poked my sides as I grabbed for my towel. I squealed and shook my head.

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” I smiled at him.

taglist: @itsmyblogandillreblogifiwantto, @thebluetint

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jean-kayak · 3 years

Text

I Fell For You, No Literally

Summary: Your ex-boyfriend comes walking back into your life, causing a whole bunch of emotions to resurface

Pairing: Terushima Yuuji x black!fem!reader

Warnings: mentions of past relationships, like two handfuls of angst, real fluffy at the end, A LOT of dialogue at the end, Terushima being soft, brief mentions of sickness (like real brief), hurt/comfort, exes-to-lovers?, a huge misunderstanding, it gets really stressful at one point in this thing, implied past reader x oc, smut!, fingering (f. receiving), oral (f. receiving), unprotected sex, squirting, overstimulation, little bit of aftercare, Terushima has a dick piercing LMAO, domestic things, mentions of alcohol consumption (reader gets drunk), it’s basically an emotional rollercoaster, Terushima being suggestive *sighs* i think i covered everything

Word Count: 12,881 (BITCH im sorry it wasn’t supposed to be this long)

A/N: This was originally going to be apart of the writing event that I was doing, but this was really long, and it took me a little bit longer than I thought so I figured I would just do it separately. And also I tried to do fluffy smut, I don’t really know if I did that lmao. But anyways, enjoy!

P.S.: I also gave the reader a name bc this is really long!

All characters are 18+!!

"I think I have more lights in the back, I'll go get them," your best friend tells you, and you nod as you continue to hang up the lights on the top of your shop.

Although you realize your mistake when you lean over, and the ladder starts to slip. "Shit," you whisper, and you feel your heart drop, fear coursing through your body as you feel the ladder going down and not stopping.

You squeeze your eyes shut, bracing for impact on the freezing cold concrete, but it never comes. "Oh, my God, are you okay?!" It's a deeper voice, and you open your eyes to see that you're nowhere near the ground and that you're in someone's arms.

You're still a bit shaken from the fear of the fall, but the voice and the scent are all too familiar and it brings you back fairly quickly. You look up and see a face that you never thought you'd see again.

"You know, I'd always say you'd fallen for me," he quips, and you roll your eyes as you try to squirm out of his grip. "Wait, where you going? I like holding you like this." You chuckle softly as you roll your eyes playfully, and he lets you down. "But seriously, are you okay?"

You release a deep breath. "Yes, I'm fine. Thank you for saving me, Terushima."

He takes a few steps closer to you. "Come on, baby, you don't have to be so formal with me." You scoff as you take a step back, fully taking him in.

Terushima Yuuji. Your ex-boyfriend. Your relationship lasted all through high school and your first year of college until things went rocky. You prefer not to think about the details, but you can't not think about how good he looks right now.

He's still blond, with the undercut, and piercings, and even through his winter clothes, you can tell he's filled out a lot since you last saw him. Matter of fact, how long has it been? Three, four years?

"Three and a half," you flinch slightly. Shit, were you thinking out loud? His eyes rake down your figure, and even in the cold, you can feel the heat course through your body. "You look good."

"So do you," you reply, not really knowing what to say. How are you even supposed to talk to your exes? You've had others besides him, but you haven't made contact with them since you called it off.

There's a weird tension in the air, and you don't know what to say to break it, but luckily Kiya comes out of your shop, her eyes widening when they land on Terushima. "Oh, now, this is a surprise," she says, smirking as she looks between the two of you. "What brings you here?"

"Oh, you know, just being her knight in shining armor and catching her from falling off the ladder," he tells her smugly, and she looks at you in horror.

"Via, what did I tell you about doing things on the ladder without me watching you?" she scolds, and you shrug as you kick at the ground.

"I'm sorry, okay? And besides, I think that's enough lights for the front don't you think?" you ask, looking at the front of the shop to take in your work. Kiya follows suit, taking in the lights.

"Yeah, they look good. And I would tell you good job, but you almost killed yourself in the process." You roll your eyes again as you scoff. "Thank you, Terushima," she says, and he waves her off.

"Any time." So he still has that smug, confident personality. That hasn't changed much. You clear your throat as you gesture to the door.

"Well, I should probably open up shop. Thank you, Terushima, I really appreciate you catching me."

"C'mon, what'd I tell you about the name?" You tilt your head as you raise an eyebrow.

"See ya around, Terushima." And you're walking through the door.

Kiya comes in behind you a few seconds later, and you just brace yourself for the conversation that's about to happen and is going to last at least twenty minutes. "Holy crap, he is still hot as hell." You sigh as you put on your apron. You don't respond, and she knows you're agreeing with her, so he continues talking.

"No, Kiya, don't even go there."

"What? What's wrong with rekindling the flame, at least a little?"

"You remember how we left off," you remind her, and you see her wave you off before washing her hands.

"Okay, that was a few years ago. People change."

You scoff. "Yeah, I doubt he's changed." The conversation is quickly put to bed as people start to come in, and you submerge yourself in your cooking.

This week was your shopping week, but Kiya had family things so you're at the store by yourself, collecting a ton of food to stockpile for the shop. You feel a headache coming on as you cross out another item off the list, your vision full of lines every time you look up from the crumpled piece of paper.

You also have to carry and put all of these groceries in your car, and you want to whine in annoyance, that headache starting to beat behind your eyelids, and the cold isn't helping either. "You look like you could use some help, m'lady." You sigh heavily, recognizing the voice immediately.

"You're not following me are you, Terushima?" you ask, playfully, but a part of you is serious.

"Of course not, but it seems that whenever you're in trouble, I'm always around." You let out a surprised laugh, but you don't turn your attention to him, keeping it focused on putting the groceries in your car. "Let me help you," he offers, already moving to grab a bag, but you stop him.

"I got it, it's fine. Thanks anyway," you quickly tell him before catching your breath and starting again.

"Via, seriously, let me help you." Your movements falter at the nickname. Even though everyone calls you that, it always sounded different coming from him. You want to scoff at how easily your body reacted to it. You don't have the energy to fight, so you scoot over, giving him enough room to help pile the bags in your car. "So, you have your own shop," he starts, and is he really trying to make casual conversation right now?

"Yeah, I do," you respond, deciding to partake in whatever this is.

"American, right?" he asks, and you hate how he still remembers, and you drop the bag into your car a little bit more aggressively.

"Yeah. We have Japanese as well, but Kiya knows more about that than I do." He helps you put the last bag in, closing the trunk shut and returning the shopping cart.

"Well, that's great. I'm happy for you," he tells you when he gets back, and you nod as you purse your lips.

"Thanks." And there's that awkward tension again. Why was he trying to act like everything was normal? Why is he talking to you like nothing happened between you two? "Listen, Te--" You're cut off by his phone ringing, and he quickly fishes his phone out of his pocket and grimacing when he looks at the screen.

"I have to take this, uh--"

You cut him off with a wave of your hand. "Go ahead, it's okay. Thanks again," you say, quickly signaling the end of whatever this conversation was. You don't give him another look, turning around and getting into your car, thankful that it's still warm. You crank the car up and you look out the window as you do, seeing Terushima walking away on the phone.

You rest your forehead against the steering wheel. What are the fucking chances that he out of all people would walk back into your life? You take another deep breath. Thinking about it too much will only make your headache worse. You give him one last glance before driving off, hoping that you're actually getting away from him this time.

"You saw him again at the store?" Kiya asks, her eyes wide as she sits up on the couch. You roll your eyes from exhaustion as you stab your fork into your takeout.

"Yes, he said it's like whenever I'm in trouble, he's always around." You stab your food again, but you don't know if it's out of annoyance or anger this time.

"Okay, Via, come on, this is like a sign, isn't it?" You give her a look before shaking your head. "Why not?"

"Kiya, you were there through all of it. He's...he's not--he's probably still the same," you say, trailing off quietly, and Kiya's face turns into concern as she finally sees that the hurt you've tried to push back down is now coming to the surface. She moves closer to you on the couch before wrapping an arm around you, pulling you into her.

"You're right. I'm sorry, I just thought, maybe this one could be different. Different from those other douches you were seeing." You huff slightly, a smile forming on your face as you remember everything she said about what she didn't like about every last one of your exes.

Some of them were just flings, others could've easily gone further, but they always broke it off. You don't really know the reason, but you've sort of come to terms with it. Maybe dating just isn't your thing right now. "Yeah, I know," you say, burrowing yourself further into her embrace. "It's just, I don't know, what if it happens all over again?"

"If that does happen again, then I'll actually kill him this time." Both of you laugh at her words before she speaks up again. "But, all that aside, it's up to you what you want to do. Don't listen to me, I'm just the crazy best friend."

Your smile grows wider. "Crazy, you definitely are."

"Hey!" she says, shoving you away playfully, and you both dive back into laughter as you finish your takeout and the cheesy rom-com playing on the TV.

You sigh as you wipe off the bar counter, the shop quiet due to the fact that you're about an hour and a half from closing. You usually enjoy the serenity, grateful that it's not a rush like it is during mid-morning, lunch, and dinner. Around this time, you and Kiya usually get a chance to sit down and take a break.

You finish scrubbing off a stubborn stain on the counter when you hear the door open. "Welcome, I'll be with you in a moment," you greet out of habit without even looking up as you turn around to throw the rag into the sink.

"The place looks great." The familiar voice almost makes you stop in your tracks, but you recover quickly, wiping your hands off on a towel before turning to see Terushima sitting in the middle of the bar counter. You walk over to him, standing right in front of the counter, feeling like the counter isn't a big enough gap between the two of you.

"Thank you," you tell him honestly as you plant your hands on the edge of the counter. "What can I get for you?"

He smirks at you before he answers. "We both know you already know what I want," he says confidently, and you want to punch yourself because of the fact that you still know what his favorite food is even after you've been broken up.

"Coming right up." You turn around quickly, getting started on his order so that you can get him out of here as fast as possible before Kiya can see him. Unfortunately, that isn't the case, and she comes waltzing in from her office, her eyebrows raised high.

"Oh?" she starts, her voice a whisper. "What's he doing here?" she asks, and you shrug.

"I dunno. He just walked in here like a few minutes ago." You turn your head to look at him over his shoulder, and you see that he's taken off his coat and rolled up his sleeves. You notice that he's got a tattoo on his left arm that snakes all around his upper arm. Yeah, he's definitely gotten bigger since you've last seen him.

He looks up from his phone, catching you in the act, and he smirks at you before flexing his muscles, and your face heats up quickly, your head turning back to what you're doing. "He actually ordered something?" Kiya asks playfully with a huff, and you return it as you flip the patty.

"Yeah, I was surprised too. I thought he'd be here to bother me again," you admit.

"Which is what you would've wanted, right?" she teases, and you shove at her which makes her laugh, and yours soon follows.

"You guys talking about me?" you hear him speak up, and you roll your eyes with a scoff as you glance at him.

"Yeah," Kiya starts, "we were talking about how we could've closed up early if it weren't for you," she tells him, and you chuckle softly as you continue cooking.

"Well, I had to try the food for myself," he responds, and Kiya hums as she nods, obviously believing that he's not telling the entire truth. She starts to walk away back towards her office, but not before she nudges you softly, wiggling her eyebrows at you. You give her a look before waving her off.

Once she's left, you shudder lightly, feeling his eyes on you. You know he's watching you and everything you're doing. His eyes never leave you, watching you as you move along through the kitchen. You can't remember the last time you felt so heated under someone's gaze.

But you do remember that it took absolutely nothing for you to melt for him, and you internally shake the thoughts that are starting to pool into your head. You finish his food, sliding the plate to him softly, his drink following shortly. "Enjoy," you tell him easily, and he starts speaking before you can turn around.

"Thanks, but I think there's something that I want that's not on the menu." You roll your eyes, knowing what he's implying, but you play dumb anyway, leaning forward on the counter, resting your chin in your palm.

"Oh, and what would that be?" you ask, and he's leaning in, his face dangerously close to yours. He moves his eyes from yours to your lips before bringing them back up to your eyes. You feel your breath starting to pick up, your mouth falling open slightly, but you don't move away from him. You can't.

And then he's smirking at you again, and your knees almost give out. "You."

There's a knock on the door, and you let out an exasperated sigh that echoes throughout the walls of your apartment. You grab the baby currently sitting on the floor in the middle of your living room as another knock comes from the door. "I'm coming! Just give me a second!" you yell, your thin patience starting to disappear.

You walk to the door, yanking it open, getting ready to yell at whoever is presently throwing a monkey wrench into your day. "What are you doing here?" you deadpan, blinking a few times in confusion as you take in Terushima standing outside your apartment. "Actually, how do you even know where I live?"

He has the actual audacity to look sheepish as he rubs the back of his neck as he looks down. "I may or may not have gotten it from Kiya." You roll your eyes. Of course, it would be her. You really are going to kill her. Your niece starts fussing and you sigh. You really don't have time for this right now.

"If you wanna come in, come in," you rush out as you make your way back into your apartment. You vaguely hear the sound of the door closing and some footsteps, but you pay the sounds no mind as you set your niece in her high chair.

The first thing Terushima didn't expect when the door swung open was for you to have a baby in your arms. That alone almost distracted him from how you looked. Your hair was thrown together in a ponytail, curls falling out of it. Your shirt is covered in all kinds of stains, along with the sweatpants you're currently wearing, but Terushima thinks that you look amazing.

He slips off his coat and his shoes, throwing his scarf over his jacket before slowly making his way into the kitchen where you disappeared to. He takes in your apartment, the decorating and furnishing matching your personality to a T. The sound of fussing brings his attention to the baby that you were holding not too long ago, and he hears you speak.

"I know you're hungry, sweet girl," you say, opening the fridge. "What do you want?" you ask her even though you know she can't respond. Terushima smiles fondly as he sits down next to her, resting his arms on the island in front of him. "You want bananas?" You lift your head to look at her, and when she fusses, you try again. "How about peas and carrots?" Both her and Terushima's face screw up, and you smile softly as you turn back towards the fridge.

"Let's see," you bend over to look further into the fridge, and his eyes zero in on your ass before he snaps himself out of it. "Strawberries?" you ask hopeful, and when she laughs lightly, you smile before pulling out the container and warming it up with your hands as you bump the fridge closed.

You walk over to a drawer, opening it to pull out a small spoon before bumping it closed with your hip. The movement makes your boobs sway, and Terushima can't help but notice that he can see your nipples through your thin t-shirt. "Eyes up here, perv." Your words jolt him out of his spell, and he smirks at you as he shrugs.

"What can I say? They're nice tits." You scoff at his words, trying to fight the heat rising in your cheeks that he was checking you out, and it dawns on you how you actually look right now. You feel a little bit embarrassed, but the damage is already been done, and could you really blame yourself? You've been watching a baby all day.

Satisfied with your reaction, he turns to your niece, leaning forward to pinch her cheek softly, which makes her laugh. "And who is this pretty lady?" he asks as you smile at the interaction before walking to stand at the opposite side of the island.

"This is my niece, MJ." You set down the container of mushed food, taking off the lid before swirling around the food. You look up to see Terushima hold out a finger which she immediately grabs onto, and she smiles widely at him. "She seems to like you," you comment, feeling conflicted at the way your heart skips at their interactions. "You wanna feed her?"

You push the bowl his way, and he picks up the spoon with his other hand, his finger on his hand still being held hostage by your niece's hand. He feeds her with ease, and she even seems to be accepting the food a lot better from him than from you. "Do you think you could watch her while I get in the shower?" you ask. "I'll be quick, I promise."

"Yeah, go ahead. We'll be fine," he tells you without even looking your way.

"Are you sure?"

He finally looks at you after wiping some of the food off of her face with the spoon. "I'm sure, Via. I can handle it. Go do what you need to do." He quickly turns his attention back to MJ, and you quickly dart out of the kitchen making your way to your room.

You've been in the shower for about ten minutes, and the only thing Terushima keeps thinking about is the water running down your naked body, and he keeps shaking his head, forcing the images out of his head.

MJ's already eaten all of the food, and Terushima lightly presses on her stomach, seeing that she's completely full, and he looks around to see all of her toys in the living room. He finds the baby wipes, cleaning her up before he takes her out of the high chair and carries her to the living room.

He sets her down on the blanket you have out for her, and she immediately moves towards one of the toys as he sits on the floor next to her. Terushima's plan was mostly to bother you when he came over, and the last thing he expected was for him to be babysitting. He doesn't mind it though, he'll take any time he can spend with you. He'll take as much as he can in order to try to get you back.

He doesn't really know why he came to America, but part of him knows it was because of you. He knows that after you both graduated college, you moved back here and started your own shop. He hates how things ended between the two of you, and he wants to fix it, but he knows he's going to work hard especially because of how bad he hurt you.

He's been punching himself for three and a half years because of how stupid he was back then. If he could back in time and punch himself, he would curb stomp himself instead. He notices that he doesn't hear the water running anymore, and then he hears a door open. And he thought the clothes you had on before made you look good.

You walk out into the living room, your hair damp from the shower, and you're wearing a tank top and shorts, and he's glad you have a bra on this time. You're definitely not the same girl he dated back then. At all. "She wasn't too much trouble?" Your words jolt him out of his trance, and he forces himself to look at your eyes.

"No, she was not," he says, standing up before picking her up. He plants a small kiss on her head, but she's preoccupied with the toy in her hands to notice. "She was an angel." You sigh in relief, and Terushima moves her higher up on his hip. "Were you cooking something before I got here?" he asks, recalling something smelling really good vaguely filling his nostrils. Now, that smell has been replaced by your scent due to the fact you're standing so close to him.

"I was," you say, turning to walk into the kitchen, and he follows behind you while MJ smacks him in the face. "It was a new recipe," you continue, opening the oven. Terushima almost delays his response, his eyes zeroing on your ass again, but he manages to catch himself.

"New recipe for what?" he asks, and he's thankful when you stand up straight even though it's not that much better. When you set the pan down on the stove, you glance behind you nervously before speaking.

"It was a new recipe for cheeseburgers," you say, and he almost misses it, but he smirks as he walks around the island to stand beside you. You'd been keeping the burgers in the oven to keep them warm, and he looks down at them.

"They look really good," he comments. "You weren't thinking about me, were ya?" He has to jab at you, loving your reaction as you glare at him before looking down. "Can I try it?" he asks, and you nod before getting a knife to cut the burger in half. You grab a piece, bringing it to his mouth, and he puts the whole piece in his mouth, making sure to wraps his lips around your fingers briefly before pulling away.

The action has you feeling things that you shouldn't, and the moan he releases while he closes his eyes doesn't help either. "Oh, my God, that is amazing."

You feel your heart flutter at the compliment. "Really?" you ask softly, and he looks at you like you're crazy.

"Are you serious? This is the best thing I've ever tasted." He grabs the other half, stuffing it in his mouth before you can stop him. "Wow, you really are an amazing cook." You hate how easily your face heats up at the praise, and you just respond with a shrug. He reaches for another burger, and you grab his wrist before he can grab another one.

"You can't eat all of these!" you chastise. "I can make you some if you want me to." He uses the fact that you're still holding onto his wrist as an advantage, yanking his arm forward which causes you to bump into him. He barely moves, just wraps his arm around your waist, keeping you close to him.

"That sounds good. Thanks." You both lose yourselves in each other's eyes, time seeming to slow down as you feel your body going warm all over. God, you both missed being close to each other like this. You feel yourself starting to lean closer to him, your breaths started to mingle when MJ cries out, startling the both of you out of the spell you were in.

You jump away from him as you slightly shake your head. You did not almost kiss him. You quickly turn your attention to your niece, plucking her from his arm before walking back to the living room. Terushima sighs heavily as he puts the tray back into the oven, giving himself something to do to try to distract himself.

What would've happened if he had kissed you? Would you have kissed him back, or would you have pushed him away? He knows he's making some progress, but he doesn't know if kissing you would've ruined all of that. Do you want to kiss him? He sure wants to kiss you. He hasn't felt your lips on his in so long, and he wants to feel them so bad.

He forces those thoughts out of his head, and just as he's about to walk back into the living room, there's a knock on the door. "I'll get it," he tells you when he sees you about to stand up. He jogs to the door, and he opens it before almost being knocked down by two kids running past him.

"Boys, what did I tell you about that--Terushima?" The voice is filled with shock and confusion, and when he steadies himself, he looks at who's standing in front of him.

"Autumn?" he asks, and he steps to the side to let her in, closing the door behind him. "It's been a minute," he says, and she scoffs.

"It's been longer than a minute," she says almost in disbelief that he's standing in front of her. You walk to your sister with her daughter in your arms with your eyebrows raised.

"Aut, you wanna explain what this is?" you ask, gesturing towards the noisy boys running through your apartment. They run into your legs, both grabbing one, luckily you don't falter, still glaring holes into your sister.

"Auntie Via!" they both yell at the same time, Terushima wincing at the loud volume, and Autumn gives you a sheepish look.

"Look, something came up at the last minute, and I didn't know what else to do," she tells you, and you blink slowly.

"We have another sibling!" you argue, and she smiles at you.

"Yeah, but I don't trust him as much as I trust you," she says like that'll work, and you give her a deadpanned look. "I'm sorry, but I shouldn't be long, I promise. I owe you one," she continues, and you sigh as you roll your eyes.

"Fine," you give in, and she jumps up before giving you a hug on the side that isn't holding her daughter. She starts to head towards the door, and she waves goodbye to her kids, who really aren't paying her any mind, and she quickly slips out the door before they can see that she's leaving.

Your nephews are now focused on Terushima, prodding him with questions about his piercings and his tattoos. "I'm sorry about this," you tell him, and he looks up at you as he shrugs.

"I don't mind. I can stay if you want me to." He moves to go to the living room, but the boys jump on his legs, and he has to drag them to the living room as he walks.

"I can't ask you to do that," you say, smiling at him and your nephews.

"That's okay," he says, "You're not asking me. I'll stay," he concludes before sending a wink over his shoulder.

Turns out Autumn's "I won't be long" turned into five hours. Yeah, she definitely owes you. You're thankful that Terushima stayed, he was able to occupy the kids while you got stuff done that you had planned to do today. But you also hate how domestic it all felt, and it makes your heart do something weird. Like it doesn't know how to feel about the whole thing.

He even somehow managed to feed MJ while keeping your nephews distracted so that you could make dinner. You all eat in the living room, watching a movie that's more so for the boys, while MJ keeps herself entertained in her bouncer. When you all have finished, Terushima takes the dishes and even washes them before planting himself right next to you on the couch.

You notice that MJ is starting to get sleepy, she keeps rubbing her eyes and her bouncing is beginning to slow down. You grab her out of the bouncer, rocking her softly until she falls asleep. You're so glad that she doesn't fight sleep like her brothers did. You start to feel tired yourself, your eyelids feeling heavy, and Terushima seems to notice because he wraps his arm around you, pulling you into him.

You don't even fight it, his body heat pulling you further into sleep. As you're drifting off, you feel someone moving your arm, and you look down to see your nephews laying on either side of you and Terushima, laying down in your laps. You smile fondly as you rub his back before laying your head down on Terushima's shoulder. And before you fully fall asleep, you feel him kiss your forehead.

When Autumn uses her key to get into your place, she doesn't expect to see all of you asleep on the couch along with a questionable guy, but she can't help but smile as she pulls out her phone to take a picture. Once she's got them, she flicks your forehead. Your face scrunches up before you're blinking sleepily. "Oh, hey, you're back," you say, your voice filled with sleep. "Took you long enough."

She laughs quietly as she grabs MJ. "I know, I'm sorry," she whispers. "The twins weren't too much trouble, were they?" she asks, rocking her daughter back to sleep when she stirs.

"Then they usually are? No, not this time." You both exchange a soft chuckle before you carefully remove yourself out of Terushima's grip, not wanting to wake him, and you freeze when he shifts, but he just rolls his head to face the other way.

You help Autumn load her kids in the car, all of them still fast asleep. "I think they've only been asleep for about thirty minutes," you guestimate and she nods, but you know she wants to talk to you about the massive elephant in the room. You sigh. "Go ahead. Let it out."

"What the hell is he doing here? And in your apartment of all places?" You can hear a faint sound of disappointment in her voice considering the fact that you told her what he did to you and what led to your breakup.

You throw your hands up as you shrug. "I don't know. I didn't even know he was here. I found out when he caught me after I fell off my ladder." Her eyes go wide, and you wave her off before she can yell at you. "I didn't know he would be coming over here today either," you admit, and you sigh as you shove your hands into your jacket pockets.

"I just don't want you to get hurt again," she says, and you nod. "You've got nearly four years unaccounted for." You nod again, understanding what she's saying.

"I know, I know, but I don't know. He seems different now," you explain lamely, and you hear her sigh before you raise your head to meet hers.

"I know you don't want to hear a lecture from me, but be careful Via," she warns, and you nod firmly before moving in to give her a hug. "I love you."

"I love you, too. Text me when you get home," you tell her when you pull away. You watch her get in the car and drive off. You sigh again, watching the puff of air disappear into the chilly, night air before you make your way back to your apartment. You smile softly when you see that Terushima is still in the same position you left him in.

You take off your jacket, warming your hands up as you walk over to him. "Teru," you whisper, and when he doesn't respond, you tap him lightly. "Teru," you repeat, and you jump slightly when he grabs your wrist quickly, and he peels his eyes open.

"Your hands are freezing." You chuckle lightly as you see him look around. "The kids are gone?" he asks, rubbing his eyes with his palm.

"Yeah, my sister came and got them." He hums before he starts smiling widely, and your eyebrows come together as you look at him. "What are you smiling about?"

"You called me Teru." You feel your face heat up for the millionth time, and you scoff softly as you move to turn away, but he stops you, grabbing your wrist and pulling you towards him. He starts to stretch out on the couch, but you don't move, and he pulls you down with a little more force. "Lay with me," he murmurs, his body starting to drift off.

"You need to go home," you tell him, the nickname on the tip of your tongue, but you bite it back. He whines before pulling you down, making you fall onto him, and he traps you with his arms.

"I'll go home when I'm not tired." You chuckle again, situating yourself so that you're comfortable, and you notice that he's staring at you.

"What?" you ask, fighting the urge to shrink under his gaze. He brushes a strand of hair from your face before he rubs your cheek softly with his thumb, and you lean into the touch.

"You're just so beautiful," he whispers, and you huff as you look away, even your ears heating up at the compliment. "Hey." He turns your face so that you're looking at him again. "Can I kiss you?" There's something in your head that's telling you that you're already too deep and that doing this is a really bad idea, but it doesn't win.

You both lean in, and when your lips meet, you feel like you're back in high school, kissing him for the first time all over again. Tingles are sent all through your body as you sigh contently, and you feel yourself falling in love with him all over again. You know this is bad, but you can't bring yourself to care, blaming it on your fatigue.

He pulls away, a sleepy smirk on his face as he pulls you closer to him, your face buried in his neck. "Man, I've missed you so much." You feel your heart flutter at his words, and you're scared to respond with the same thing even though it's clear as day, but the soft snores filling your ears tell you that you don't have to worry about response right now.

Things seemed to do a complete one-eighty after that night. You thought when you would've woken up the next day, things would've been awkward, but to your surprise, you found yourself alone on the couch, and the smell of breakfast food filling your nose. He had made you breakfast, then sent you off to work with a kiss goodbye and a promise to call you later, which you wish you've would've let out when you were telling everything to Kiya.

"So, you guys are dating now?" she asks as she pours a cup of coffee for a customer.

"I don't know, I wouldn't call it that?" you say, unsure of where you both really stand right now. You serve two more plates to a table, and Kiya continues the conversation when you come back.

"But you guys have kissed?" she argues, and you respond with a shrug. "I don't know, from what you've told me, it seems like you two are back together."

"You don't sound very enthusiastic about it," you notice, and she replies with a pout as she tilts her head and you sigh. "Look, I know how things left off between us, but we'll talk about it," you try, and she holds her hands up.

"I'm not trying to tell you who to date or what to do. I just want you to be careful." You nod quickly at the repeat of words, and you really appreciate how much Kiya and Autumn care for you, and you smile as you nudge her.

"I know, thanks for looking out for me," you tell her, and she gives you a smile.

"Of course, that's what I'm here for."

Naturally, things are very prone to blow up in your face, and the blow-up happens about three weeks later. Everything with Terushima has been going pretty smoothly, both of you agreeing to talk about how things were left those years ago. He had been spending a lot more time over at your place, even more than you were spending at his. He'd been helping you babysit whenever your sister had to drop them off. It was like he had inched his way back into your life and planted himself there.

You decided to surprise him and make some of the burgers that he loved the first he came over. You can't help but bound happily to his apartment, the burgers in a plastic container, warm in your hands, and you finally get to his apartment, but just as you're about to knock, you hear laughing. Your hand stops midway as you lean in to put your ear against the door, careful not to alert anyone inside.

You assume it was the TV, but as you listen closely, you can hear Terushima's voice, but you feel your heart shatters when you hear a woman's voice coming from inside. You feel the tears forming in your eyes as you take in more of the conversation before you hear them erupt into laughter.

You finally find it in you to move, slamming the container on the ground before hurrying away from the door, your vision blurry from the tears. You were so stupid, so pathetic. You were so easy, that you fell for it. Again. And you thought that he had changed. You were dumb enough to think that things would be different this time around.

You don't tell anyone what happened, and you don't talk to Terushima. You don't even tell him what you heard, you just stop talking to him. It's not like you had time anyway. You and Kiya were hosting a Christmas party are your shop (her idea, not yours) and you barely had any time to really sit down and breathe. You both spent all day making the food, that you barely had time to sit down.

You luckily had enough time to run home and get in the shower to get ready. You came back just in time for the party to be in full swing, both you and Kiya's families here along with some friends. You've greeted everyone, and now you're just standing around, enjoying the atmosphere around you, while at the same time feeling a little bit insecure about the dress that Kiya made you wear.

It's a red sweater dress that's off the shoulder, but it hugs your body, stopping very close to the bottom of your ass with thigh-high boots. Why she had you wear this, you have no idea, but you decide that you're going to go change when she's preoccupied. "Via." You turn around, your heart dropping at the sight of him in front of you, and you hate how good he looks right now.

He walks closer to you, and his scent fills your nostrils, the way he fills out his suit should be illegal. "You look, wow," he says, shaking his head at a loss for words.

"Ridiculous, I know," you say, pulling at the hem of your dress and he scoffs.

"Gorgeous." You want to accept the compliment, but just looking at him makes you angry and upset at the same time. You mumble a soft thanks, and you're trying to find an excuse to get out of this conversation when he speaks up again. "You haven't been answering my texts or my calls," he starts, and you look away from him as you find an answer.

"Terushima, listen--"

"Via?" You turn your head towards the soft voice, and your eyes widen at the man walking towards you. He gives you a hug, and you reluctantly hug him back, disarray raging inside of your head.

"Kaleb! What are you doing here?" you ask incredulously, and he gives you a quick look of confusion before it's replaced with a smile.

"You invited me?" You raise your eyebrows. You did not invite this man to this party. You didn't even invite Terushima, and they coincidentally show up here? You internally roll your eyes. Kiya.

"I did, didn't I?" you lie. "Right, I'm sorry, I forgot, I've just been so busy." You haven't spoken to Kaleb in about a month. He was the recent guy you were seeing, and he was alright, but he really wasn't your type. You didn't even have his number saved in your phone. You sense even more tension in the air as Terushima and Kaleb stare each other down, and you definitely need way more alcohol.

"Terushima this is Kaleb. Kaleb this is Terushima." They both shake each other's hand, but the tension only seems to get thicker, and you feel like you're suffocating in it.

"If you guys would excuse me for a minute. I'm just going to check on the food," you rush out, not waiting for a response before darting off to find the culprit. When you spot her, you yank her to the side, and if looks could kill she'd drop dead on the spot. "You invited them both here?!" you yell, making sure to keep your voice lower than the music.

"Both? Who are you talking about?" You rub your forehead, feeling the stress really starting to hit you. This was the last thing you expected and you really don't need this right now.

"You invited Terushima and the guy that I ghosted a while ago." You sigh heavily, rubbing the back of your neck as her eyes go wide.

"Oh, shit. I did accidentally text a wrong number by accident, but I thought it was nothing." You give her a tired look, and she tilts her head in confusion. "I mean, it's gonna be okay, but you sound even more frustrated."

You sigh again. This really isn't the place to tell her, but you were going to tell her eventually. "I heard a woman's voice when I went to Terushima's apartment a couple of days ago."

"What?!" she nearly screams, her eyes wide before she slaps a hand over her mouth, realizing how loud she was. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know. Because there was just a lot going on, and I didn't want to be sad during the holidays or ruin yours, but that plan has failed miserably." You laugh bitterly, feeling completely drained.

"Shit, I'm sorry, Via. I didn't know." She reaches up to rub your arm as you shake your head.

"No, it's okay. You didn't know." You close your eyes as you take a deep breath, regrouping yourself. "It's okay. We'll worry about it later, 'kay?" You don't let her answer as you walk off, ignoring her calls of your name.

You linger around the party, hoping you don't run into Terushima, but your eyes land on him talking to your mom like they've been friends for years, and it feels like someone ripped your heart out of your chest. How could he just go about his life knowing that he was playing you? Just like he did before.

"Via?" A soft voice and soft hand shift your attention to Kaleb who's come up next to you, and you smile despite the fact that you feel like complete shit and that you're tired. Physically, mentally, and emotionally.

"Hi, Kaleb, what's up?" you ask, and he hands you a drink which you gratefully take, almost downing the whole thing in front of him.

"It's just, um, you're standing somewhere pretty cool." You look at him in confusion before you glance up, seeing mistletoe hanging from the ceiling. Kiya must've put this in last minute. You feel your stress building up as you look at him, chuckling softly.

"I guess I am." You know he's going to kiss you, and you've never been so conflicted in your entire life. You don't really want to, but you want to, secretly hoping that Terushima's watching so that he can feel how you're feeling right now. But at the same time, you just wanna go home and cry yourself to sleep.

You've been quiet, your thought preventing you from answering, and you feel his lips on yours, and you feel your body sag slightly at the fact that you don't feel a spark from kissing him unlike when you kiss Terushima. When you pull away, you just happen to look to your right to see a very pissed off Terushima.

You see him shake his head before heading out of the door, and you hand your drink to Kaleb. "I'm sorry, I have to do something, I'll be right back." You rush to the door, disregarding your jacket as you follow Terushima out. "You got a problem or something?" you ask angrily, and he stops in his tracks, his back facing you for a few seconds before he turns around.

"Yeah, I do. You're over here leading me on while you're kissing other guys." You scoff at his accusation.

"Oh, like you're not doing the same thing," you spit back, and he raises his eyebrows at you.

"Excuse me? I haven't been seeing anyone else besides you, but you obviously have other plans."

"You know you have some real balls to accuse me of leading you on when that's all you did the entire time we were dating." He goes to speak, but you cut him off. "No! You entertained girls all the time, sometimes right in front of me. How you reacted to them is not how you're supposed to react when you have a girlfriend. Do you know how pathetic I felt?!" The tears are spilling, and you don't have any more will to stop them.

"I felt so stupid. You made me feel so...ugly." You see his face soften, but you don't wanna hear what he has to say. "And you're accusing me when you had a girl in your apartment a couple of days ago." His eyes widen at that, and he stops his trek towards you.

"What are you talking about?" You scoff as you throw your hands up. You'll have to spell this one out for him too.

"I went to your apartment to give you the burgers that you wanted, but when I went to knock on the door, I heard your voice laughing with another woman's voice." You see his face drop in realization, and he starts to wave his hands. "Did you both enjoy my burgers?" you ask, your voice cracking as more tears fall down your face.

Terushima recalls hearing something fall outside of his door, and when he opened it, he saw the burgers, but he didn't think anything of it. He should've been more aware. How could he be so stupid?

"Wait, Via, baby, that wasn't what it looked like, I swear--"

You chuckle bitterly. "You expect me to believe that?! Because that was the same shit you told me four years ago!" You're past done. You're exhausted. "Fuck you, Yuuji Terushima for being the same piece of shit guy you were four years ago! And for breaking my heart again." Your voice breaks when you say again, and Terushima feels his heart breaking into a million pieces. "I never want to see your face again."

You turn around quickly making your way back into your shop while Terushima stands there frozen, letting you walk out of his life once again. The words you just spoke to him the exact same words you said back then. He feels the tears on his face before he registers them. How could this happen? How did it all go so wrong so fast?

You walk back into the party, thankful that you didn't put mascara on as you wipe your face off, and Kiya walks up to you. "Girlfriend, are you okay?!" she asks you, concern etched all over her face as she pulls you to the side.

"No, I'm not," you tell her honestly. "But, this is a party, and we're supposed to have fun. So, that's what I'm going to do." For what seems like the tenth time tonight, you walk off without waiting for a response.

After everyone left the party, that's when you decided to get yourself drunk. You usually don't drink this much, but you couldn't bring yourself to think about anything else. Kiya takes you home, and she stays with you as you scream, cry, rant until you finally crash on your bed due to a mix of the alcohol and your emotions being all over the place.

She sighs worriedly at your figure, and sits next to you on the bed, brushing her hand over your head before your face which is stained with tear tracks. Your phone on your nightstand rings and Kiya picks it up, seeing that it's Terushima and she rolls her eyes before hitting the decline button. She sees that he's called you non-stop through the night, and she scoffs again. She's pretty sure she could get away with murder.

When the phone rings for the fourth time, Kiya angrily picks it up. "Via, baby, I am so sorry, please listen to me, it was just a misunderstanding--"

"Olivia can't come to the phone right now," Kiya cuts him off curtly. "She's passed out because a fucking piece of shit decided to walk back in her life and break her heart the same fucking way he did four years ago," she spits, and she hears him sigh heavily before he sniffles.

"Kiya, you gotta let me explain, please let me explain." He sounds completely wrecked, Kiya can barely understand what he's saying.

"I don't think so, Terushima. You barely deserved a second chance, and you definitely don't deserve a third. Goodbye."

"Wait, wait, wait! Please! Please let me explain!" He's practically yelling in her ear, and she knows that if she hangs up on him he'll just keep calling. But she's also never heard him like this before.

"Fine. You have five minutes."

It's been roughly a week since one of the lowest moments of your life, and you're not entirely healed, but you definitely feel better, and you swore off getting that drunk ever again due to the awful headache you had when you woke up the next morning. Right now, you were hanging with Kiya, which she fully insisted for whatever reason, and you assume it's just because she wanted to spend time with you before the new year.

"He proposed?!" you yell as you practically throw yourself off the couch. Kiya laughs as she nods. "What? Show me the ring!" you demand, and she holds her hand out which you quickly take into yours to examine her finger. "Woah, that is expensive," you comment as your eyes go wide.

She pulls her hand back as she agrees before looking at it again, her eyes full of love and happiness. You can't help the ping of jealously that stabs at your heart, but you push it away, replacing it with the happiness for your best friend. "So, I'm obviously going to be the maid of honor," you say matter-of-factly, and she laughs as she rolls her eyes.

"Of course you are. There's no one else I would want it to be." You both talk for a couple more hours, and you look at the clock on your phone.

"I should probably go. I don't want to implode on the newly engaged couple. He's going to be home soon, right?" you ask, standing and stretching.

"Yeah, but it's okay, you can stay. We won't mind." You shake your head as you start to gather your things.

"It's okay. I've got a bunch of takeout and some wine calling my name at home." You slip on your coat and your boots. That's mostly the reason why. The other reason why is that you really don't want to see any happy couples right now. That's just putting salt in a wound that's slowly healing. "Congratulations again, Kiya. I'll text you when I get home." She nods while walking you to the door, and she watches you walk to your car and drive off before closing the door.

You yawn loudly when you get home, kicking your boots off and throwing your jacket onto the couch. You decide that you're going to take a nap first, and then you'll eat, and as you walk to your room, you feel something under your feet. At first, you thought it was something weird on your sock, but when you keep feeling it, you look down to see rose petals?

You turn back to the door. You had locked the door when you left, and you just unlocked the door when you came home, so...

"Hello?" you call out into the quiet apartment, but you receive no response, and you follow the trail of rose petals, assuming that this is possibly the way that you're going to go out. The trail stops at your door, and you slide the door open, gasping when you see what's inside.

The lights are off, the only light being provided is from the vanilla-scented candles all over the room. There are rose petals all over the place, and there are vases of your favorite flowers spread out across the room, and standing in the middle of it is Terushima.

He's facing you, wringing his hands together nervously as he watches you take in the new changes made. "What is all this?" you ask in disbelief, and he steps forward before he speaks.

"An apology. I mean, I don't really think I can make up for the pain that I've caused you, but there's been a huge misunderstanding." You sigh softly as you look away.

"Terushima..." you start, and he startles you when he falls to his knees before grabbing your hands.

"Via, I'm begging you to let me explain. If you let me explain, then I'll be out of your hair. You won't hear from me ever again. And I know I don't deserve this, but please, please, let me explain." You only respond with a nod, mostly because of how he's acting right now. "For starters, I am so sorry for how I've made you feel. This year and four years ago. It was never my intention to make you cry or to break your heart, and I did both of those things, and so much more."

He takes a deep breath before speaking again. "Second, that girl in my apartment is not what you think," he tells you firmly making you roll your eyes, and he quickly starts speaking again. "I know, I know, but let me explain." He quickly pulls his phone out of his pocket like he's afraid that you're going to leave.

You watch as he brings up a conversation with a number before scrolling up to a certain part of the conversation, and he turns the phone to you. You hesitantly grab the phone, looking at him before bringing your eyes to look at the phone. You scroll through the messages, the messages themselves not outright telling you that he was seeing another girl.

One of them says 'it'll be ready in a couple of days,' another one says that 'you can meet me at my place.' That one's from Terushima. You hand him back the phone, not convinced at all. "You told her she could meet you at your place."

"And I should've realized how that would've looked. I was stupid, I wasn't thinking, and I'm sorry." You gesture to the phone.

"What was supposed to be ready?" you ask, your voice full of disinterest, and he quickly pockets the phone before reaching into his front pocket. Your eyes widen when he pulls out a box small enough for a ring, and he grabs your hand before you have the chance to move.

He opens it to reveal a small, simple ring with your birthstone in it. "Terushima..." you trail off, and he shakes his head.

"It's not what it looks like. It's a promise ring." A soft, surprised expression comes over your face. "It's a promise to you that I'm going to be better. Everyone knows that I don't deserve you, but this is a promise to you that I'm going to become the man that you deserve." Now you feel the tears coming, and he keeps going.

"It's a promise that I'm never going to hurt you again." He stands up quickly, your head now lifting upward to look him in the eyes. "Olivia, you mean the world to me. There's no else but you, there hasn't been, and there never will be." He takes the ring out of the box, setting the box on your dresser.

"I love you so much that it hurts. You're all I ever think about as soon as I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. Please, give me another chance. I promise I won't make you regret it." The tears are falling more frequently, and you wipe them away.

"How do I know you're not lying?" you ask quietly, trying to keep your weak resolve up. He steps closer to you.

"You know that I'm not lying," he tells you confidently, his gaze never wavering from yours, and you sigh knowing that he's right. He's one of the worst liars you've ever met, having tells for days. And none of them are showing. You're still fighting it in your head, looking down away from him, and he tilts it back up by your chin.

"Please. I will never make you feel that way ever again. I promise." He tells you firmly, his voice solid. Terushima feels like his heart explodes when you nod your head. He slides the ring onto your finger before wiping the tears from your eyes. He's so happy he could cry. He plants his lips on yours quickly, wrapping his arms around you, pulling him into him.

"Please, let me show you," he pleads after he pulls away, holding your face in his hands.

"Okay." That's all he needs before he's picking you up, your legs wrapped around his waist as he carries you to the bed, and he never breaks the kiss as you land on your back. He moves you further up on the bed before moving his lips to your neck, pressing wet, open-mouthed kisses on your skin.

Your hands move to his hair as you feel him biting marks into your skin, and you know that you're going to look like a freaking leopard tomorrow. He pulls your shirt off, throwing it somewhere off to the side, your bra soon following, and he doesn't waste any time attacking your breasts, one hand stimulating one while his mouth is on the other.

He pulls your hardened nipples between his teeth and his fingers at the same time, making your back arch off the bed at the different feelings. After marking up one breast, he moves to the other, doing the same thing before he starts to kiss down your abdomen.

He looks up at you when he reaches the waistband of your sweatpants, and you nod quickly as he groans seeing how your pupils are blown with lust. He quickly gets rid of your sweats, groaning again when he sees the growing wet spot across your crotch.

He licks a broad stripe up your covered cunt, both of you moaning simultaneously as you squeeze his head with your thighs. He makes quick work of your panties, almost ripping them with how eager he is to taste you. He digs his fingers into your thighs, almost entranced by your naked sex, and he teases you a bit more by marking up your thighs, whining when he pulls the skin between his teeth.

"Yuuji, stop teasing," you whine, and he smiles wickedly before he spreads your legs.

"I gotcha, pretty girl," he coos before licking another stripe through your folds, the action so sudden that it makes you jump slightly. His hands press your legs into the mattress as he eats you out like you're his last meal. "You taste so fucking good," he moans, the vibrations only elevating the feeling, and the taste of you on his tongue and the sounds you're making are like heaven, and he's close to blowing his load that he has to force himself to hold back.

He moves up to your clit, running circles over it with his tongue before sucking it into his mouth, making the grip on his hair tightening just shy of painful. He prods a finger at your hole before slowly inching his way in, and he ruts against the bed to find some release. You already feel so good on his finger, so he can only imagine what you'll feel like when you take his dick.

He slides another finger in while continuing to use his mouth on your clit, stretching you out before sliding in a third. He curls his fingers, hitting that spot inside of you with ease, making you release a loud moan. "Teru," you gasp, and he smirks against you.

"You close, baby?" he prods, already knowing the answer. He keeps curling his fingers, the squelching sounds almost overpowering your moans, and he feels you pulling at his hair, this time painful, but he can't bring himself to care as he licks up your clit making sure his piercing strikes it.

You cum with a scream, and he moans when you clench on his fingers, but he keeps going, his fingers seeming to go deeper inside of you, and a weird feeling sits in your core, and you try to push him away, but he keeps going until you feel another release.

"Fuck. Holy shit, babe." You come down from your high, gasping for air as you watch him come up with your juices all over his face while he sucks his fingers clean. "You just squirted." You move to cover your face with your hands but he stops you. "Don't be ashamed. That was really hot," he admits, licking around his mouth to get some more.

He kisses you hungrily, and you moan as you taste yourself on his tongue and when his piercing knocks against your teeth. He hisses and breaks the kiss when you palm his straining erection through his jeans. "Do you want me to return the favor?" you ask, still breathless from your previous orgasm, and he lightly brushes your hand away as he shakes his head.

"Later, right now is all about you," he tells you, and you wrap your arms around his neck to pull him close to you.

"Then I want you to fuck me," you whisper against his lips, and he groans before making quick work of his shirt and his jeans. You can see a huge wet spot in the front of his briefs, and he gets rid of them quickly, his dick smacking his abdomen once it's free.

He stands at the edge of the bed, lazily stroking himself, and you feel your mouth go dry at how beautiful he is, so you tell him, and he responds with a soft chuckle, but you can see his face deepen with a blush at the compliment. "Nah, that's all you, baby girl." He smirks when he sees your eyes widening once they land on the pair of metal balls at the head of his length. "You like it?" he quips, and you just gulp, your eyes having a hard time looking away from the angry red tip dripping with pre.

His eyes drag down your figure, making you hot all over and he moves onto the bed, hovering himself over you. "You're so gorgeous. The prettiest woman I've ever met." You don't have time to feel flustered by his words because he leans down to kiss you, this one different from the previous ones.

This one is softer and filled with love, but still has the same amount of passion and hunger. "I have a condom," he tells you when he pulls away, and you shake your head.

"I wanna feel you," you tell him, lust dripping in your words, and he bites back a moan as he gives you one last kiss before guiding his dick towards your leaking hole. He pumps himself a few more times before sliding in, and you can't help the whine that falls from your lips.

It's been so long since you've felt him inside of you. And it's an addicting feeling you didn't even know you were missing until now. "Fuck, you are so tight. Shit." He bottoms out, stretching you in the best possible way, and he rests his head against yours.

"Move, Yuuji," you urge, and he nods while he pants.

"I know, baby, I know, give me a second. Fuck." He takes a few more deep breaths, and when he's sure that he's not going to bust just from how warm you feel, he backs up until only the tip is inside and he rams back into you, making the bed knock against the wall.

You cry out, your arms wrapping around his neck again as he repeatedly slams back into you, the feeling of the piercing rubbing against your walls foreign, but it feels so good. He keeps shifting his hips until he finds that spongy spot inside of you, and he grips the headboard, using it as leverage to piston that spot, and you feel like you're going to explode with pleasure.

You rake your nails down his back, and he feels it hit every nerve ending all over his body, and his hips falter just a tad when you clench around him. "Fuck, baby, touch yourself for me, please touch yourself," he spills out, knowing he's not going to last much longer.

You bring your hand down to roll hard circles on your bud, clenching at the sudden stimulation, and Terushima shudders. "Feels so good, Yuuji," you moan out, and he can't help but reciprocate it as his face scrunches up in pleasure.

"You feel too good, baby, oh my God." You can sense that he's close, so you clench around him again, and that's what send him over the edge, letting out a shout of your name as his hot seed shoots into you.

He doesn't stop moving though. He brings one hand down to your shoulder and fucks into you harder than he had before. He whines at the overstimulation, but he's determined to get you there. "Cum for me, baby, cum for me."

With one last hard thrust, you cum hard, back arching off the bed as you scream his name while Terushima moans at you coming undone under him. Your back meets the bed again, and Terushima rests his head on your forehead as you both catch your breath.

He pulls out of you slowly, wincing at the overwhelming feeling of pleasure mixing with pain before he gets up and makes his way to the bathroom the best he can on shaky legs. You feel yourself starting to drift off, and you jump when you feel something warm at your core.

"Sorry, I gotta clean you up," he tells you softly, wiping the mix of your juices away before putting the rag in the sink in the bathroom. He comes back, pulling the blankets down and getting in before pulling you into his chest. "I love you so much, Olivia. And I am so sorry. I won't make you regret giving me another chance."

You look up at him with a sleepy smile and sleepy eyes before sitting up to kiss him. "I love you too, and I forgive you, maybe," you joke, and you giggle when he pinches your side.

The rhythm of his heartbeat and the finger dragging up and down your arm lulls you to sleep fast, and the last thing you remember is hearing "goodnight."

Terushima wakes up before you, the sunlight bleeding in through the blinds and into his eyes. He takes a deep breath in and looks around, thankful that he remembered to blow out the candles before he went to sleep. He looks down to see you still sleeping peacefully, and he feels his heart do a somersault. He finally has you and he going to make sure that you don't leave. Not again.

He never realized what he was taking for granted until you broke up. He had slept with a few other girls, but they weren't you. All he could think about was you. He even got kicked out of a girl's place naked because he accidentally called her by your name. He pulls you closer to him, and you stir slightly, moving your head so that it's angled more towards his.

He thinks you look ethereal. The way the sunlight makes your brown skin glow almost makes him melt. He runs a finger down your sleeping face lightly before brushing the hair out of your face. "I'm sorry for being so stupid," he starts even know he knows you can't hear him. "I didn't realize what I had lost until it was too late. I wish I could go back in time so I could fix it or beat myself up, one or the other," he jokes laughing softly. "Probably both."

He rubs your back softly. "I don't even know if I have enough words to describe how much you mean to me. I should've never entertained those girls, like I said I was an absolute idiot, and to be honest, I didn't think you would've given me a second chance. I would've understood if you didn't." He holds you a little tighter. "But I'm glad that you did. I love you, and I'm going to keep saying it until you get tired of it, but I want you to know that. I want you to know that it's true and that I seriously mean it."

He takes a deep breath. "After the Christmas party, I cried so hard I almost threw up." He laughs bitterly, he doesn't really know why he's saying this, but he feels like he should get it off his chest. "That night it felt like my heart had been ripped out and stomped on multiple times. I only have myself to blame though. And I figured that must've been what you felt like because of me, and that happened to you twice.

"I was almost in hysterics. I kept calling your phone, but you never answered, and when I was about to give up, Kiya picked up the phone." He laughs again." And she almost hung up on me until I explained to her everything that happened and the huge misunderstanding that caused all of this. She held me put this whole plan together actually. She got you out of your apartment so I could do all of this."

He looks down at you again, giving you a kiss on your forehead. "I hope you stay with me forever. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"You really are sappy in the morning." Your groggy voice makes him jump, and you smile as you struggle to hold back your laugh, peeling your eyes open to reveal a very red Terushima.

"You were awake?!" he asks, and you laugh fully as you nod. "You heard everything?!"

You nod again. "I did, I'm sorry. I thought you were talking in your sleep, but I realized it was too coherent for it to be sleep talk." You sit up, resting your hand on his chest and putting your chin on top. "Did you mean everything you said?"

He responds quickly. "Every word." You fight back tears as he pulls you in for another kiss, his hand resting on the back of your head softly. "I love you."

"I love you, too, Yuuji Terushima."

EPILOGUE:

"Teru, you're not taking me to the woods to kill me, are you?" you ask, looking around blindly due to the blindfold wrapped around your eyes. You hear him laugh as you feel him take another turn.

"No, I'll do that for our next anniversary." You laugh as you try to figure out where you are. Terushima had woken you up saying that he was going to show you your anniversary present, but then he blindfolded you and led you to the car. "Stop trying to figure out where we are with your weird powers!" he yells at you, and you nudge at him while playing with your necklace that he got for you after you both made up. It has his name on it, and he bought a matching chain with your name on it.

"It's not my fault I know this city like the back of my hand." You feel him take another turn, and you close your eyes as you try to narrow it down. "Are we in a subdivision?" You smirk when you hear him groan, knowing you guessed right.

"Can you please stop? You'll ruin the surprise."

"It's hard to focus on anything else," you admit, and you quickly go quiet when you feel his hand rubbing up and down your thigh.

"It is hard now?" he asks you, lowly, and you feel your core clench at his words and his actions. Now you can't focus on anything but his hand, but you're abruptly pulled from his actions when you feel the car stop. You hear him turn the car off and you hear his door open and close while you take your seatbelt off.

Your door opens, and he's guiding you out of the car. "You ready?"

You jump excitedly in impatience. "Yes, yes, hurry up!" He peels off the blindfold, and you blink a few times, letting your eyes adjust to the light before they focus on a two-story house. "A house?" You feel something cold touch your hand, and you look down to see a pair of keys in your hand.

"Our house." Your eyes go wide as you snap your head up to look at Terushima before looking back at the house. "Happy anniversary, baby."

"Are you fucking serious?!" you say, jumping into his arms, almost taking him out before you run towards the door, unlocking it as fast you can. Terushima smiles at you fondly as he follows you around the house as you tour it.

"This bedroom's kinda small though," he comments, looking around, and you step in the room, spinning around as you look at the room before stopping to face Terushima.

"I don't know. I think it's the perfect room for a nursery," you admit, and you see him shrug as he looks around again before the words dawn on him. He almost breaks his neck to look at you, and you smile widely as you nod.

"You're fucking serious?! I'm gonna be a dad?!" He runs to you, picking you and spinning you around. You both laugh loudly before he sets you down, pulling you into a loving kiss that leaves you breathless.

"Happy anniversary, Yuuji."

A/N: If you stayed this long thank you for reading, but if you didn’t, I don’t blame you LMAO

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165 notes · View notes

11byers · 3 years

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Talk to us girl! What else do you have to say about El's arcs through the seasons and motherly love? I want to hear THIS content, f*ck all the ship wars!!

i’m so sorry this took actual months to reply to, i’m not gonna get into why just.... hi anon, ty for your patience 😭 tbh i'm not sure if i'm saying anything new, but this is almost 3k words long so hopefully i'm offering something

a few things to note before i delve into everything, bc this is a gendered topic:

el identifies w femininity, even after being raised in a lab w just a number as a name, essentially raised w/o any real gender constructs set in place, or at least not enough to understand gender fundamentally. but she identifies w femininity, as seen in the way she gravitates to feminine symbols in her surroundings. and it's interesting how her relationships w female characters are always given a bit of attention

the way fathers are portrayed on this show is... notable. we've got el's father figure brenner, as well as kali's relationship w brenner, steve's dad is apparently an asshole, ted is ted (not the worst but isn't much anyways), billy's dad been abusive his whole stay, lonnie is a danger to society, and hopper, although arguably redeemable and has been given more attention since he's a central character…… hasn't been the best all the way through. lucas' dad was p alright and dustin……… doesn't have one 🙃

meanwhile we got joyce who's the best parent in this entire show PERIOD absolutely beautiful amazing talented show-stopping etc etc, there's karen who almost slept w a minor but made a last minute decision not to (karen is a work in progress and i have a lot of thoughts about her i'm not gonna get into), dustin's mom is cute (a bit dopey but cute), lucas' mom is also cute, billy's mom is practically portrayed as an angel, and terry……… poor poor terry.

anyways there's a very clear difference.

st1

the topic of el and motherhood doesn’t really get tackled until st2, but i'm gonna go through this season by season. bc, spoiler alert, i'm fairly certain joyce will be el's mother/mother figure once the show's wrapped up. we can even say that's already happened after st3's ending, but ofc we're still in need of more personal relationship development.

basically, i believe el's relationship w motherhood, and her idea of mothers has a lot to do w joyce.

joyce is essentially el's "standard" (for lack of a better term) for what a mother is supposed to be.

someone might have to correct me on this, but i like to think that joyce is the first example of motherly love that el truly experiences (other than briefly seeing terry in the lab). not even when they first meet tho, but when the boys sneak el into the school and she "channels" will through the p.a. system.

when she hears joyce trying to comfort will and tell him to hide (which in itself messes me up bc depending on your take on the demogorgon, that shit is heart wrenching), i can only imagine what el might be thinking. what will has in joyce is completely different from what el has in brenner 😭

el's (as well as the show's tbh) view of fathers are very different from her view of mothers. fathers are demanding, ruthless, and cold. but she sees joyce, and she thinks mothers are passionate, caring, and protective, and all of that translates through a p.a. system when el hears joyce's desperation. i'm sure el sees a lot of herself in will - his fear and desperation, his terror of being in the upside down, describing it as cold and dark, just like the chamber brenner locks her in, or even the void, the water tank, her own room even - which only makes joyce's impression on her so much stronger.

and in ep7 'the bathtub' when el gets to have a one-on-one w joyce, there are certain points in that scene that parallel her and brenner, and i think that only hammers home el's idea of what mothers are and what they should be.

joyce promises her a presence. joyce is able to be there for her, comfort her, even when el is in a place like the void, that's just emptiness and darkness all around. she hears joyce's voice, and for once she's not alone. and it's nice to think she's w joyce and will in these moments, when she's in castle byers and she can act as a connection to will and joyce (a-and jonathan, sorry i don't really mention him throughout this piece, i didn't even expect to mention will this much, but jon's important too, we love a parental big brother).

it's shown how scared el can be moment to moment. the second will fades from her, she cries for him and curls up into a ball, and once she's out of the upside she latches onto joyce - and gosh the dependability!! joyce is there for her just like she promised.

this makes el meeting her own mother fuking heartbreaking.

st2

this idea of a mother sticks w el this whole time, and her idea of fathers doesn't get any better. i don't think el even pictures hopper as any kind of father figure, definitely not yet, but as a "friend," hence her shouting at him "friends don't lie". it's not until they're fighting and she shouts "you are like papa!" that it all comes full fuking circle!!

(it's the way hopper leaves her alone for hours, like how brenner isolates her in a dark chamber. it’s how in both instances, she’s still isolated from society. it's the way hopper sets rules for her that don’t allow to act instinctively on her own. it's him telling her "you wanna go back in the lab? i can make that happen." it's damaging shit. it's triggering.)

then el finds out that hopper lies to her again, but this time it's about her mother, which……..

that scene of her breaking down, crying for her mama, is so sad. idk what else to say, everything that happens from this point on is sad!!!!!!!

fast forward to el reaching terry and becky's house. i can't even imagine what el feels when she meets her mom for the first time……… and terry is in the state that she's in. barely responsive.

but i can say how el's guilt is continuously brought up time and time again, bc when she sees terry's memories and sees how determined terry was to get her back, the lengths she went through - it's all just like joyce. her expectations of a mother stays intact.

only, unlike joyce and will, things don't work out in the end for el and terry. terry suffers for trying to get el back. and it wouldn’t be surprising if that fed into el’s guilt.

(also, this has bothered me ever since first watch, but terry is portrayed w a bit of hostility when el returns. when el meets her in the void, and she's says she's home, terry tells her "no" and grabs her arm, triggering terry's memories. it's lead me to ask myself if terry holds resentment for el, and for the price terry had to pay....... or maybe it was just for dramatic scary horror, i’m not entirely sure.)

there's this moment right after el comes out of the void and back into reality, and becky tries to comfort her. bc of terry's unavailability, it's a possibility that becky could've been the mother figure that el needed. but the awkwardness in this moment - in how terry tries to comfort el, but el is still visibly shook and doesn't hug back, unlike her moment w joyce in st1, when el practically clings to her - kinda foreshadows how things just aren't gonna work out so ideally.

this next bit regarding el avenging terry may or may not be a lil "out there" but i think it's interesting to think about.

el views finding kali as something terry wants her to do. and kali echoes that sentiment. kali essentially acts as this one last tether el has to terry, which may be why she thinks of kail as a sister.

i have a lot of thoughts about el's self worth, her morality, her means of protecting others no matter what she suffers. i’m not about to go on a tangent, but just to get the main idea out there: el straddles a line between viewing herself as a monster and viewing herself as a protector, and anything outside of that feels is out of her reach.

what kali gives her is a chance to sorta explore that monstrous side of herself - the side that is willing to hurt others, even when there's no one in immediate danger to protect.

but kali is her last tether to her mother. and what kali is asking her to do clashes w what she pictures a mother is meant to do. i'm not saying kali is some kind of mother figure, nor is that really the bigger picture. but finding kali is something terry "told" her to do. it all plays a part in the scene when they confront the man that followed brenner's orders, ray carrell.

would terry actually want this for el?

el sees a photo of that ray and his daughters, and reminds herself of what she wants, what she yearns for, and what she's been deprived of. the reason why she feels so much pain, and is having so much trouble healing. and she chooses to protect the children - to prioritize the children - instead of giving in to the monster inside of her planted by brenner.

kali has different values. she's chosen a different path for herself. we're never really sure what kali knows about her own past, who she's met in her life, but we do know that she's lost people, and she doesn't have much of a connection to terry despite el considering her a sister.

and that comes full circle when kali makes el see brenner.

the words brenner uses here are technically just kali's words, since she told el the same things and brenner in this scene is just an image created by kali. but that's what makes this scene so brilliant. this scene is kali talking to el, but she’s masked as brenner.

brenner tells people they're sick. kali still believes she's sick. kali hasn't healed despite claiming to - instead she's become a mirror to brenner.

this is el's view of fatherhood: demanding, ruthless, and cold. brenner hurt el, and bc of all that hardship, el is in danger of becoming a mirror to brenner. and unfortunately, this is what kali has succumbed to. kali has failed to realize the monster she's so convinced that she is, is a concept completely fabricated by brenner.

this is what leads el back to her friends. just like how terry did everything in her power to save el and suffered devastating consequences, el returns to her friends to wholeheartedly put herself in that very position.

it's so touching to see el and joyce hug. although, joyce is still "will's mom" to el (she even refers to her as such in st3). but she still holds that connection to the byers family. el still prioritizes will's safety, just as she prioritized the kids back in chicago.

now to briefly cover what el and hopper's reconciliation means for this topic - it's a very vulnerable scene. one of the most vulnerable scenes in the entire show. el and hopper allow themselves to understand and relate to each other, through guilt and trauma and emotion, and bc of the profound impact of this conversation, hopper is…… enough. it’s still uncertain that el considers hopper as a father figure, but at this point she lost her mother, and she lost kali, and hopper lost sarah. they have each other though. and it gives both of them the chance to finally begin to heal.

el channels the anger she feels being deprived of a mother to close the gate. but the gate's essentially a scar still struggling to heal.

st3

it may be a mystery to no one that i'm not a big fan of st3, and there's not a lot to talk about in terms of el and joyce. couple notes about them tho, before we get into the real shit that happened this season

hopper asks if joyce could talk to el and mike for him, which she turns down, so they're deliberately being kept apart by the writers (i also feel like we have v limited knowledge of what joyce thinks of el, so she might be keeping her distance for reasons i'm not really sure of yet).

it's cute to think about how hopper's letter isn't just hopper's letter, but it's joyce's letter to el as well. el just doesn't know it.

let's talk about billy's mom.

el's relationships w female characters on this show always seem to be given a lil extra layer. and el's immediate draw towards billy's mom is so charming to watch. she calls her "pretty" and feels as if she's is looking at her, all before she even finds out who the woman is.

once again, the standard for motherhood on this show is enforced by billy's mom and her literal angel-like presence. she's good to billy, she allows him the freedom of doing what he loves, but not before warning him that dad might get mad!! great!!

billy goes through very similar phases that el went through

his father is abusive, and hurts both billy and the mother

billy loses his mom

the lack of proximity to his mom eventually leads him to mirror the toxicity of his father

the moments that el seems to recognize rather quickly are when billy's dad is being abusive, billy desperately wanting his mom to come home, and billy quickly succumbing to toxicity.

we've explored this pattern in previous seasons, so it's pretty easy to piece together, even within a quick montage.

so when el has her moment w billy, reminding him of his mom, it's so incredibly powerful. when you think about how much this moment upon, after everything that happened in the previous 2 seasons, it just hits.

just as we've discussed how motherhood throughout the show has meant prioritizing the safety of the ones you care about and protecting them against all odds, billy protects el from the mind flayer to the point of self sacrifice.

(and while i may not agree that it completely works just bc of how i feel about billy as a character, it works to tie in all these themes really well. also i'm sure there's other kinds of readings you can do on this scene, i even thought about this scene completely differently a couple months back but ANYWAYS-)

honestly, the way el comforts max in this scene...... feels kinda motherly. there's definitely something to be said about how el's not always treated as just a child - despite still learning speech, she's still been forced to grow up in other aspects of herself, and she constantly puts herself in a position to protect others. but this scene w el and max is sweet, and it's nice that max has el for that moment before el eventually moves away w the byers.

and ofc, el loses hopper this season, which in her mind leaves her parentless. joyce is there regardless (tho joyce taking over for hopper and watching over el does kinda happen in a "no explanation needed" kinda way, and i'm not really sure how i feel about that).

joyce and el have still quite a ways to go before really developing the mother-daughter relationship that feels inevitable at this point. and after hopper's death, the way this season ended, and the way joyce and el interact, there's a bit of uncertainty as to how their relationship will develop. even after the 3 month jump, they come off as rather distant from each other.

nut yeah, i'm excited for st4. after engaging in all the ship wars, and having my own gripes w how the duffers write romance, i think i'm starting to fall back in love w this show. writing this has definitely made me feel happier about the show, and made me feel excited about certain aspects of the show that might've been in the back of my mind, but now it's all at the forefront.

i really do love el as a character, and joyce might be a very close second, if not at the same level as el. their stories have been leading towards each other since the beginning and i can't wait until we get the payoff.

i hope someone reads this lol. again i’m sorry this took months......... depression uh anon, i hope this is what you wanted 😂 and if anyone feels compelled to add on feel free to do so 😊………. hopefully it's positive lol

#hopefully this ends up in the tags bc wow this is long and i wanna know other peoples thoughts!!#stranger things #st meta #el hopper #joyce byers #kali #op tag #anonymous

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wowtobio · 4 years

Text

Haikyuu as Idols w/ reader as their manager

──── ∗ ⋅◈⋅ ∗ ────

[1k special]

a/n: to celebrate 1k here’s something i wanted to write for awhile, since pretty much all of the haikyuu va’s sing. i hope yall enjoy! thank you all so much for 1k followers. I appreciate the love and support, y’all too sweet and i really did not expect it all 🥺

warnings: suggestive, cursing

Kageyama

The cool, stoic member everyone biases

Is known to have a soft side that makes eveeeeryone go heart eyes 🥺

If you look up his name on youtube there is probs a good handful of compilations titled “Kags being a huge tsun for 6 minutes”

One of the lead vocals, has a very nice baritone voice and occasionally posts covers of his favorite songs.

As your manager, he appreciates and treasures you a lot, though he does not show it often

He’s just shyyy he’s trying

Even crushes on you ooooo

And he won’t give any hints other than small gestures; lingering touches, being the only one he’ll speak too in the room, leaving you your favorite snacks and drinks on your desk, etc.

He would definitely be afraid to involve you and him in a scandal tho, precious bb is just worried

Tsukishima

aaaa another stoic member, just not as popular as his fellow members

But i can see him having stans that are HARDCORE like it’s tsuki or die no in between. they are a cult.

Back-up/sub vocalist but the man can DANCE he always denies it in interviews though smh

At fan meets, fans will give him dinosaur plushies. he would always blush and get all flustered while mumbling a thanks cutest shit ever

Like Kageyama, he is secretly envious of you, though he is waaay better at hiding it. to the point you feel like he isn’t even interested lol

But then there is the whole “teasing = flirting” which definitely applies here

A part of me feels like he is known to have painted black nails, like it’s his signature

you paint his nails for him

It’s so cute, omg imagine sneaking into his dressing room just to blast music and painting his verrry nice nails (tsuki has attractive hands dont @ me)

But never catch this boy in a scandal, never caught lackin

Nishinoya

BALL OF ENERRRGY

He hypes up the group, the concerts, everything, 100%

Main dancer and back-up/sub rapper

He is known for being a super good dancer and fans always dieeee when he does his dance solos

Noya tends to stand out a lot in shows, concerts or so. Intros would go something like: “Hi I’m Daichi! Hello I am Kageyama. HAAAIII I AM NOYAAAAAAH”

His fashion sense is mwah chef’s kiss. He owns airport fashion. The best street wear around and he rocks his baggy fits to stylish red carpets.

(you’re his stylist ofc high-five you oooo)

Speaking of you, he also is super thankful to you and shows it often it’s so wholesome and cute.

Times where he would flirt, it would be funny attempts that normally end with you giggling at his flushed demeanor after messing up his pick-up lines.

Overall, I can just see you’re more his mom than his manager.

“(y/n)-cchi what’s on my schedule for the rest of the day?” “shower, eat dinner then practice dance”

Daichi

Super warm and welcoming member,, he’s a safe haven

Y’all saw this coming; the leader of the group

Starts with the perfect intros ALL THE TIME. In interviews, tv shows, concerts, etc.

Lead rapper, he spits some bars ngl

And y’all saw this coming again, he’s the dad of the group.

Like if the members are bein wild children he’s always there yelling and trying to calm everybody down haha

When it comes to you, he definitely shows his gratitude outwardly to you.

He’d probably mention you and how grateful him and his fellow members are for you occasionally on radios and shows.

You always get super flustered when you confront him about it and he just chuckles and head pats you.

If he were to initiate a relationship with you, he would ask his fans to understand his feelings for you :,) and he would protect and comfort you from any possible backlash bcs he loves you hehe

Sugawara

The sweetheart of the group.

Absolutely UNDERRATED.

Back-up/sub vocals but has the preeeettiest tenor voice ever.

Like could sing you to sleep.

He has his own soundcloud where he uploads his own covers and he sings like Justin Bieber songs, some Bruno Mars, just any romance songs.

Twitter is HIS platform he would post small snippets of him singing and some effortlessly beautiful selcas.

Being his manager, he is super duper sweet towards you. Kinda like Daichi but he is way more flirty.

Can be super sly with his compliments. And lowkey a huuuge tease he will leave you all flustered and all he’ll do is bat his eyelashes innocently smhh

Suga will do all this but since he’s super sneaky abt it, no one will notice so he won’t get caught in that scandal ykk

But, I can see him disguising himself in some silly sunglasses and a hat when going on secret dates with you.

And you’ll giggle while trying to pull the frames off his pretty face and he’ll whine and playfully snatch at your wrists awwwh

Kuroo

Very very popular among his fans.

Once again we got another leader here.

He is for sure the main dancer and is a back-up/sub vocalist but he probably raps a few verses in a couple of select songs.

His signature is giving cheesy pep talks that hype up the group before performances.

It’s pretty cool but once you hear his words it’s cliche and you can’t help but giggle every time you witness it.

Speaking of you, he has a huge thing for yah

Like he probably makes it painfully obvious, but only in front of the members and staff. No fans nor paparazzi, he has a reputation to uphold of course.

But that doesn’t stop secret make-out sessions in his dressing room.

Sometimes he’ll just pull you in, pin you against the door and just stare into your eyes with so much passion before sealing your lips with his.

When eating with the group, he’ll casually wrap an arm over your shoulder while teasing you playfully in front of everyone.

Other times he’ll rest his hand on your thigh underneath the table wink wink.

Kenma

Shy small boi of the group

**Most presume him to be shy at first but he will actually roast tf out of his fellow members. Yk those ICONIC moments.

Main rapper, Kenma’s got bars and he can lowkey ruin someone’s career with a single diss track 😳 (he can sing too, has a pretty voice but denies it so he avoids singing most of the time).

MMM his fashion sense as well YES. Like have you seen those fanarts of Kenma rocking streetwear, yeah he would wear exactly that at the airport or somethin.

Ofc a huge gamer, he will most likely be seen on his switch backstage, during breaks, on the plane, during vlogs, etc.

Being his manager, Kenma finds you very endearing and he’s always blushing and nervous around you.

He hides his face behind his switch when he asks something from you awwwh

He won’t mention you in interviews but when he is asked he will just be like “yeah.. i guess she’s pretty cool” with a light pink dusting his cheeks.

Kenma probably wouldn’t have the courage to initiate a relationship in fear of ruining a lot of things. But if it were to happen y’all are super lowkey and good at hiding it.

Yet overall, very wholesome. If a member were to walk into his dressing room unannounced they would see the sight of Kenma laying his head in your lap and playing his games while you play with his hair.

It’s super cute until Kenma throws some inanimate object at the poor fellow :,(

Oikawa

OH the most fitting character as an idol and for sure the most famous out of everyone.

Main vocalist hands down (ponyo ponyooo-)

Oikawa is always and I mean always bombarded with the press and fangirls anywhere he goes.

It seems like the only time he has alone time is when he’s in his dressing room with the doors locked and he only allows you inside.

You two naturally got closer, you were the least annoying thing in his life so he felt comfortable around you and he found it fun to tease you every now and then.

One thing led to another and uhhhh

Definitely some dressing room sex involved with Tooru

You always scold Oikawa for giving you hickeys in very noticeable spots on purpose and he just waves it off while sticking his tongue at yah.

After awhile you probably have sleepovers with him because you both enjoy each others presence so much.

His schedule is always jammed pack so you tend to have to overwork in order to keep up and make sure everything runs smoothly.

So late at night when you’re organizing events for the next month after doing plentiful work, Oikawa will come up from behind and scoop you up in his arms carrying you to bed. He’ll cuddle you to sleep while whispering how you’re the best manager in the world.

──── ∗ ⋅◈⋅ ∗ ────

a/n: kinda popped off for kenma bcs i haven’t wrote him in so long and i missed him hehe. same for oikawa too i just had a really cute scenario in mind. anyways, hope y’all enjoyed and once again thank you so much for 1k i love you all!

masterlist

#oikawa tooru x reader #kuroo tetsuro x reader #kageyama tobio x reader #kenma kozume x reader #daichi x reader #sugawara x reader #tsukishima kei x reader #nishinoya yuu x reader #haikyuu!!#haikyuu headcanons #haikyū!!#haikyuu #haikyuu scenarios #oikawa x reader #kuroo testuro #kageyama tobio

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clearsky · 3 years

Text

My Top Comfort Characters/Kins and My Main HCs For Them

(Note, not all my kins/comfort characters are on here, just the ones I have more than 5 hcs for)

CW: Korekiyo Shinguji (DRV3), Himiko Yumeno (DRV3), Shinsou Hitoshi (BNHA), Kyoko Kirigiri (THH), Tsuyu Asui (BNHA), Entrapta (Spop), Ibuki Mioda (SDR2), Celestia Ludenberg (THH), Funtime Foxy (FNAF), Peril (WOF)

Korekiyo Shinguji (DRV3)

Nonbinary

He/They pronouns

Autistic

Chains and loose accessories are for stimming

Likes the feeling of silk and cotton

Can't stand the feeling of anything rough or bumpy

He likes collecting small trinkets and the bones of small mammals

Can't stand anything salty. He'll eat it but he certainly won't enjoy it

Dating Rantaro

Can flirt, but only if he doesn't try

Petnames are a hell yea

Gets sunburnt really easily

Group dates with Celesnaegiri and Ikuzono

Can't cook for s h i t

Had a scene kid phase in middle school

Went to the same middle school as Celeste and Maki

Knew them when Celeste went through her "I'm not like other girls" phase and Maki was a Band Kid™

Himiko Yumeno (DRV3)

Female

She/Her pronouns

Lesbian

Can force herself to fall asleep within seconds regardless of where she is

100% forces herself to fall asleep when she doesn't wanna listen/talk to someone

Himiko/Angie/Tenko relationship. I'm calling them the Traffic Light Trio

She likes taking naps in the forest

She prefers enclosed/tight spaces more than open ones

Has several hundred stress balls and squishies laying around

She overheats easy

Shinsou Hitoshi (BNHA)

Questioning his gender, but goes by any pronouns

Knows he's Asexual, at least

Has no clue what his romantic orientation is though

The kind of person to carry treats in his pocket just in case he runs into a cat

Will stop to pet literally every cat he comes across

Great at reading people

Doesn't talk unless it's 100% needed

Hangs with Tokoyami, Jirou, and Denki most often

Aizawa has 100% unofficially adopted him

Fosters kittens

Not a big fan of physical touch

He is 100% in the bakusquad. Anyone who says he's in the Dekusquad is a c o w a r d

He and Tsuyu vibe

Knows a bunch of random facts

Dark humour? Dark humour

*skates backwards into his therapist's room slowly sipping from an absurdly huge cup of coffee* Candice you're not gonna BELIEVE the shit I just went through

In case I forgot to mention it, he skates

Kyoko Kirigiri (THH)

Mtf

She/Her

Bi with female preference

Burns go up to her shoulders/collarbone/chest

Prefers to just listen as opposed to saying anything

Knows a ton of random trivia about everyone else in her class

She keeps a notebook she fills with all the trivia

Doesn't celebrate her birthday. She just doesn't see the point of it

Doesn't hate sugar/sweets, but if given the choice she would choose literally everything else

Cuts her own hair

A cat person

Permanent dark circles

T-Tall 😳

Like,,, 6'1 at LEAST

Only person taller than her is Yasuhiro (6'3)

Canon no longer exist

Ahahaha healthy life habits? What are those?

Can't handle horror games

She's the kind of person you'd go to if you needed to rant but didn't want any advice

Polyamourous yo

Celeste/Kyoko/Makoto

She's a dom yall are just scared to admit it

Tsuyu Asui (BNHA)

They go by They/Them

Lesbian

They and Ochaco are dating

They like to hang with Shinsou

Which mainly just means the two sitting in one of their dorms in near total silence doing whatever

Can speak English and French as well as Japanese

Learned English from cartoons

Picked up French bc they thought it'd be fun

Prefers to stay neutral in the whole Bakusquad / Dekusquad thing

They're invited to all outings/events by/for both squads

They like puns

They're a dumbass but willingly, and for fun

Like "someone says they like dark humour and they'll turn off the lights before telling a joke" kind dumbass for fun

Great at poker

Likes Disney Movies

Very touchy once you get close enough

Not in a sexual way, just likes physical contact

Especially fond of piggyback rides and cuddles

Extreme fear of needles

Entrapta (She-Ra)

She/Her or It/Its

Doesn't bother trying to figure out whether she's cis, trans, nonbinary, or what

Was AMAB though

Short as fuck (4'7)

Strong as fuck though

Cuddle game strong

Physical touch is a fuck yes

Cuddles

Piggyback rides

Hugs

Anything where she's touching someone is wonderful in her book

As long as she's the one that initiates it

Anyone else touching her without her permission makes her freak

Prefers being high up

Makes it harder for anyone to sneak up on her

An ace at video games

When it comes to sexuality she just says she's Questioning

Ibuki Mioda (SDR2)

Any pronouns + Pup/Pupself + It/Its

No idea what their gender is otherwise

Biromantic Asexual

Just likes sexual jokes

Gets distracted easily

Has severe hearing problems

She's plays her instruments as loud as possible, with the amp right next to her, without ANY ear protection

It's caused some damage

She talks so loud bc she has no idea how loud is considered acceptable

Wears hearings aids most of the time

Several piercings and tattoos

Likes hearing things jingle

She has a bracelet with a few bells hanging from it

She'll shake it whenever she's bored

LOVES hair accessories

Ribbons are a particular favourite

Occasionally she'll hang little charms from her hair "horns"

The kind of person who never takes any pills/medicine bc she keeps forgetting she has to

Frequently uses emojis

Skates everywhere but she isn't very good at it

She keeps crashing into everything

Has broken every bone in her body at least 3 times

Most of which was bc she keeps trying to kick in doors and skating down the stairs

Celestia Ludenberg (THH)

Nonbinary

Any pronouns, mainly goes by She/They

Bi, 70:30

Collects mini hand sanitizers and can tabs

Has single handedly gotten Mario Kart, Mario Party, Monopoly, Uno, and Clue banned a grand total of 17 times (and counting)

The kind of person to purposefully target someone regardless of what game was being played

Favourite victim is Byakuya (bc he gets so upset about it and she finds that hilarious)

Mains Waluigi

Celeste/Kyoko/Makoto

Has several banned Twitter accounts bc whenever she's bored she'll start discourse on purpose

Hangs with Korekiyo, Ibuki, Byakuya, Yasuhiro, and Leon most often

It's a weird friend group but everyone's sorta gotten used to it

She and Byakuya gamble together occasionally

She tries to avoid it bc he'll willingly blow his entire fortune in an attempt to beat her

Autustic

Can't stand the feeling of water

Mainly bc she can't swim for shit

Horror movies? Hates them

Gets flustered super easily

Taka is her twin brother

Kotoko, Kokichi, and Gundham are their half siblings (Same father)

Peko and Toko are their cousins

She sucks ass at go fish

Fuck canon she's 4'11 now

C h u b b y

Freckles

Once she gets comfortable enough with herself she dyes her hair in the peekaboo style

Either black and red or black and blonde

Haven't decided yet

I'll be doing Celesnaegiri hcs as a seperate post but I just feel it's important for you to know that she expresses her affection verbally and is a very touchy person

Went to middle school with Maki and Korekiyo

Has horrible eyesight

She wears contacts most of the time but she always puts off buying more

After the 5th or so time she ended up blindly stumbling around a week after her contacts ran out Kyoko convinced her to buy glasses as well

Religious accessories yo

Like chokers and dangly earrings with crosses and pentagrams and shit

Likes wearing wacky earrings

Can run and do all sorts of tricks in heels

She and Mukuro are exes yo

Keeps her hair short so it's easier to manage

Hair never gets longer than her shoulders if she can help it

She seems like the kind of person who'd keep her bangs grown past her eyes regardless of how frustrating or inconvenient it is

She's a sub yall just don't wanna admit it

Funtime Foxy (FNAF)

I'm going on the record to say this

Funtime Foxy is genderfluid and that is that

Goes by Funtime

Any pronouns, They/Them most commonly

Plays music (keyboard and guitar mainly)

They and Funtime Freddy (Freds) mainly play with the kids

Freds mainly tells stories with Bonbon while Funtime more so plays one-on-one

Has nicknames for everyone

Circus Baby - Ringleader

Ballora - Bells

Funtime Freddy - Partner

Bon Bon - Bun

Peril (WOF)

I like both Nonbinary She/They Peril and Mtf She/Her Peril

They're both such good concepts

She's a lesbian, Harold

She only had a crush on Clay bc he was pretty much everything she was supposed to like in a guy

Gimme a moment while I force all my mental disorders onto this poor child

Autistic, Anxiety (Social anxiety, mainly, but she has most types), Adhd, PTSD

I'd like to reiterate yet again that She's a lesbian

Sunny and Glory were her gay awakening

Peril in Book 1: Damn, Sunny and Glory sure are pretty. Anyone would be lucky to date them. Clay would probably go for them over me. He would be stupid if he didn't. I myself would willingly date them over someone like me. They're just so pretty :(

Peril waking up in a cold sweat in the middle of arc 2: WAIT-

Rarepair alert but Peril/Sora

Peril meeting Sora: "Hmmm She's attractive. I would love to date her. Too bad I'm straight and in love with her brother lmao :P"

Peril, a mere month later, waiting for Ruby to leave Jade Mountain, pacing in her cave, running face first into a wall: WAIT-

I remember reading this one amazing story where Sora taught Peril to read/write and Peril found out she set off the bomb and comforted her/convinced her her run so that's canon now

Btw if anyone can remember what that story was called/what platform it was on and could tell me I'd appreciate it very much

I'd even be willing to draw a character of your's or make you an icon or something

I usually don't accept requests bc I get burnt out easy but this is a special case

She runs into Sora again sometime between the beginning of TOP and the end

I like to imagine she just goes wandering around

Anyway she confesses like a mere few minutes after running into her again bc Peril is just subtle like that

The actual confession takes 15 minutes and the entire time Sora is just sitting here like "👁👄👁 sure"

Bam Peril/Sora

Peril plans to keep it a secret for a little while longer but she spends 3 seconds around Clay and pretty much blurts it out

Clay, who wasn't even aware that Peril was a lesbian, is just "👁👄👁"

I wanna say Clay doesn't know what a lesbian is but in my canon Sunny is a lesbian so Starflight has already told him

Anyway he's super supportive

From that point Peril is sorta open about her sexuality?

Like, she gives Clay permission to tell the rest of the D.O.D bc she isn't about to risk being in front of them when they hear the news

(When Sunny starts actively seeking her out as a hang out buddy and Tsunami, Glory, and Starflight appear to tolerate her presence just a bit more afterwards she pretends she isn't confused by the change)

She's pink, white, and blue bc I said so

If you look at a certain angle in the right lighting her eyes, mouth, fire, and under her scales all look purple

But her fire is normally white and blue bc I said so

Also she pale as fuck bc in my canon their fire just sorta burns their colour away

You know how you leave something outside for too long and it gets sunbleached? Where it gets all washed out?

Like that but more extreme

By the age of 10-12 firescale dragons are just white with pale eyes

That's right not even the eyes are safe

Ram horns :P

I'm also fond of Peril/Sunny

Or maybe Peril/Sora/Sunny

But Peril/Sora is the main thing

On the topic of that bringing in my hc that if one sib in a sib group is fire resistant all of them are

She,,, She can change her scale colour

But only slightly and only if her emotions are strong enough

Bc I don't give a fuck about Darkstalker's scroll we were robbed of hybrid Peril

Unfortunately all of Peril's emotions are strong

Rainwing ruff along her head and neck

It's like a hood

It's mainly smoothed to her sides but when she's startled it flares out

RAINWING PUPILS

Y'all will know what those look like as soon as I get off my ass :P

She,,, She can mimic bird cries

Hates the summer

She has more than enough body heat already and the outside is just hot enough to add on and make her feel sick

She can somewhat control her heat but most of the time it's based on her emotions

It can go from standing-in-the-middle-of-a-burning-building-cant-see-your-nose-smoke-is-so-thick heat (Strong emotion) to Hey-thats-a-nice-cozy-campfire heat (Calm/"weak" emotion/Sleeping)

I'm just gonna make a different post with all my Peril hcs cuz there isnt enough room for all of them here

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smalltragedy · 3 years

Text

* herman tommeraas, cis man + he/him | you know donovan mercer, right? they’re twenty one, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, four months? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to ice boy by corbin like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole fear hidden behind a stoic stare, bleeding from your nose and from your gums, and the night sky with all its stars, with all its mystery and unknown thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is march 15th, so they’re a pisces, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( james, 21, est, they/them )

looks away as i finally post his intro after being kinda awol fr however long. i love him a lot n hes also bri’s character mercy’s younger brother so u hv to be nice to him. think abt mercy’s life. then think abt ducky. im sry in advance tht his intro’s a little longer ive hd ducky fr like. a year or two n i’ve been playing him a While <3 as always like this if u’d like 2 plot n i’ll try 2 msg u bck bt otherwise im gna just hop right into threads bc obv i need to. change my methods.

ABUSE, VIOLENCE, DRUG ABUSE, EYE INJURY, GANG MENTIONS TW.

mini playlist.

father ;; the front bottoms / ice boy ;; corbin / lose yourself ;; eminem / my own worst enemy ;; lit / say it ain’t so ;; weezer / maps ;; yeah yeah yeahs / star stopping ;; lil peep / benz truck ;; lil peep / trauma ;; nf / northern downpour ;; panic! at the disco / your graduation ;; modern baseball.

statistics.

full name: donovan mercer.

nickname(s): ducky.

birthday: march 15th, 1999.

zodiac: pisces sun, aquarius moon, aquarius ascending.

mbti & temperament: intp & theorist / phlegmatic.

label: the despondent.

hometown: hell’s kitchen, new york.

sexuality: bisexual (bt not out).

pinterest.

biography.

born in hell’s kitchen to vinny mercer and a mother who ran out of the hospital as fast as she could, as soon as she was able. she’d gone so quick that she’d never given ducky a middle name - just donovan. the younger brother of mercy (shoutout 2 bri)

his father’s the right-hand man of a well known mob boss named lars amaretto, and so, you can imagine the kind of environment ducky (& mercy) grew up in. weapon & drug dealings, interrogations, violence around every corner. a brutal way of living, no place to raise two children.

implied abuse tw // their father was not kind, or merciful - and ducky was a runt compared to mercy, small and sensitive and kinder than his brother. weak, and filled with softness, with big brown eyes and a smile that should’ve been able to melt ice - but it didn’t. and it never did.

he cried often, and was punished often for it until he learned to stop crying - at least in front of their father, and mercy too, at some point. only in the comfort of his room, with doors locked and blinds drawn closed. implied abuse end of tw

he dreamed, too, dreamt often. he’d been obsessed with outer space since childhood, as long as he could remember. school had once shown man landing on the moon, and ducky wanted that. wanted to be that, wanted to be there, up with the stars, discovering the unthinkable.

abuse mention // but it was discouraged, heavily so - projects destroyed by an angry fist only to be reconstructed to the best of ducky’s ability, with mercy’s help, all throughout the night. he’d saved up for a telescope when he was thirteen, but it’d been destroyed almost immediately when discovered. not a day went by that their father didn’t tell ducky that he was, first and foremost, stupid - and would always be. end of abuse mention

to the point where he stopped trying, simply. he never graduated high school.

abuse mention // anxiety mention // anyways … at the age of fifteen, he’d have enough. he was sick of the abuse, the pain - the crying behind closed doors, the sneaking around, the constant feeling of needing to escape, impending doom, anxiety attacks in the shower and in school bathrooms and at the back of the bus where nobody sat besides him because he was - that boy, the son of that man, the brother of that brute. he’d been a teenager and he’d already been an outcast by all means - an outcast in his family, no matter how hard he tried to appease vinny, and an outsider everywhere else.

the plan took months of preparation, paper ripped out from the back of his school notebook and stuffed beneath his mattress, details of his escape from a checklist of essential items to makeshift maps of bus routes to different cities.

all for nothing, the moment vinny discovered it, the edge of a map sticking out after a rushed morning.

heavy abuse tw // violence tw // it’d been the same day he’d gotten the nickname - ducky - the way the wound wrapped below his mouth, and the way it’d begun to heal - puckered, at first, like a duck’s bill. a better name than eyepatch, at the very least. the scar’d run from the arch of his left brow, across his eye, down his cheek, and below his lip. his eye sustained injury, and not allowed to see a doctor about it, it never healed properly.

eye injury // corneal scarring, impairing his left eye. astronaut dreams destroyed, but not in a matter of seconds. in the matter of an hour, maybe more - and that’d been much, much worse.

he stopped trying to run away after that. tried to be more like their father, more like mercy - more brutish, less feeling. spoke less, and less. spoke hardly at all, unless spoken to first.

still didn’t matter. still lived his days in fear, still knew it’d never change. nothing would ever change.

the mercer brothers have been floating around the north carolina scene for ~5ish years now, trailing after their father who is consistently chasing after their mother with no luck. they’re currently residing in palm motel. can we get a hell yeah?

personality & facts.

he’s actually very? intimidating? when you first meet him. mercy’s younger brother, with a criminal’s record almost as long as his - a scarred face and a mean resting face. it takes at least five minutes of conversation beyond small talk before it starts to weigh on your mind that maybe, he’s not as bad as he seems.

and - well, he isn’t. but he’s guarded - so guarded. more-so than mercy, because mercy’s quicker to anger, quicker to react, and ducky tries so hard to drown out the noise. but he’s not a robot, and his facial expressions can give him away in a second.

he’s seen what happened when mercy had a glimpse of something good in his life (though, it wasn’t actually good at all - mercy had someone, at least. at the very least) - and how quickly it’d all fallen, and so ducky puts a barrier between him and others. distant, as much as he can be.

it hurts, because ducky isn’t by any means antisocial. he doesn’t hate people - he wants to be normal, wants to have friends and a girlfriend - or maybe even a boyfriend, god - but he’s so afraid. ducky is, by nature, a very scared person. terrified to his very core. he knows there is always eyes on him, and mercy too, and he knows that nothing is worth getting someone else hurt.

you know him as mercy’s little brother, and he’s quiet you know that - but his name is ducky, and you think - he’s not too bad. and he knows this, knows the doubts. knows that it’ll get back to mercy, eventually, that his brother is nothing more but a pussy. so he fights more than he’d like to, against the guilt that buries itself deep within his chest with every thrown fist. he throws up, afterwards, in the garbage can outside. too much to drink, he says, rare grin - because grins are convincing, and grins with bleeding gums are intimidating. he learned that from his brother.

violence makes him sick to his very stomach. he can’t watch horror films, or even action films, without feeling queasy. there’s been more times than he can count where he’d thrown up after a fight, or after an interrogation, usually in private but in the occasional presence of mercy.

they fight, a lot, sometimes - ducky’s too soft, too weak, and it’s bad and it’s terrible and ducky knows that mercy’s afraid. for him, of their father, and his wraith. ducky knows that if mercy isn’t hard on him now, their father will be on him harder. still. there’s resentment, small but there, like the flame of a match. he doesn’t know what’ll happen when there’s nothing more to burn, but he doesn’t want to find out. he’s afraid to find out.

he’s still in love with the moon and the stars, and the planet’s - and their moons, too. its subdued, now, though. a silent passion - one that is often not watered, left for rot. he sneaks into engineering lectures at the community college, occasionally, or physics, or whatever peeks the small curiosity inside of him.

commits small acts of kindness when nobody looks. doors held open, the meals of elderly folk eating alone suddenly paid. picks up litter besides trash bins, and always cooks extra than what he needs and leaves the rest for mercy. it’s these small things that make him feel, just the slightest, better about himself.

because god - there are layers and layers of self-loathing. it’s a labyrinth, and he’d never speak of it - but he can’t stand his own reflection. doesn’t keep photos of his family, only a few sparingly of mercy.

a liar, sad to say. has little experience with. ehem. intimacy, and the bodies of others, but lies often and says that he does. mostly to his brother, but word travels quick - and he’s not nearly as much as a fuckboy as is rumored, having only been with a handful of girls, if even that. it’s better this way - if people know that he throws others away like they’re nothing.

he ghosts often, too, if he does get to talking with anybody. the moment ducky feels a spark, something pulling at his poor heart, he ghosts. he develops feelings too easily, too often than he’d like. has left many friendships without explanation, because of this. you know the priest in fleabag season 2? the scene where he comes to fleabag’s house? yeah. tht’s ducky!

has maybe half the amount of clients that mercy does, but he’s working on it.

pretends he doesn’t care as much as he does. pretends a lot, like there’s nothing soft to him. but a trained eye can see clearly through this. even so - even if you can see that there’s more to ducky than violence and drug deals - you’d still have to break through a dozen walls.

in the rare occasion you get him talking - i mean, talking a lot - he’ll talk about space. ramble off a dozen useless facts about dwarf stars and black holes and all of jupiter’s moons. about a video game he likes, about nothing and everything at all. but as soon as he begins, he stops - embarrassed. apologizes, shuts his mouth, disappears to wherever. anywhere but there.

drug abuse // has a. complicated relationship with benzos n xanax n a various assortment of painkillers. ironic bc he hates drugs due to. his chosen career n wldnt do most of what they sell, bt yknow. this ws inevitable. hates beer bt forces himself 2 drink it bc toxic masculinity probably man idk.

overall just … he’s a soft boy, with a big heart - bigger than anybody else in his family, that’s for sure, but his exterior is far different than that, and it’s hard to tell.

violence mention // purposely loses fights so that he doesn’t have to severely hurt someone. because sometimes he just - he was raised in a violent environment, and sometimes he snaps. sometimes ducky just fucking snaps. and his vision goes red, and he can’t control himself - because need to survive kicks in, and violence is all he knows. if someone pushes ducky - pushes him enough, he breaks. he fights back. it’s all he knows. it’s all he knows. it’s all he knows, and that’s not an excuse - and he knows this, and god, he’s so tired. he is so. tired.

wanted plots.

u look good tonight ... ;; wld love a connection in which he is feeling emotionally compromised n maybe kinda hs a thing w someone bt hes like. very unreliable n kinda ghosting bc he is very afraid n it wld b maybe bad fr them to b anything other than hook ups. cld apply to smth very intensive or smth very surface lvl i’ll take thousands.

palms sweaty ... moms spaghetti ... ;; ppl tht ducky just hs fkn brawled. cld b anybody fr any reason. ducky prob lost n he prob lost on purpose bt also ur muse cld maybe kick ducky’s ass? cld b a fake fight cld b a real fight. cld b a npc fight n then ur muse cn patch up ducky? possibilities endless. maybe they hv a nice spaghetti dinner n both of them r both bruised up frm their fight. sometimes fights end in spaghetti dinners. thanks eminnem or whatever.

own worse enemy... ;; ducky needs friends bt hes bad at making friends n sometimes he fks shit up by pushing ppl away n self sabotaging n being a major cunt n sometimes he just ghosts bt hes always very remorseful abt it? this cld b a very like. up n down friendship of any type its just. where do they stand. r they friends. r they enemies. r they lovers? probably not lovers. prob just platonic. but still its the thought tht counts.

and also ;; literally just like. anything. clients who buy off of him n like. casual friends n casual enemies n casual hookups. ppl hes ghosted. ppl hes embarrassed himself in front of. maybe ur muse tries to get ducky to socialize or maybe ducky is like. u are too much fr me. n ur muse runs off crying. endless possibilities all u hv to do is call this number now.

#abuse tw #violence tw #drug abuse tw #gangs mention #eye injury tw #irvingintro #( ducky mercer. ) about. / ice boy.#sighs sm #also sry fr hw embarrasingly late this is #did i even spell tht rigth? no #did i spell tht one right? bno.#fuck.

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biblio-bitch · 4 years

Text

Detroit Evolution Commentary Pt. 3 [FINAL]

It’s been a while, sorry. Life sucks ass sometimes and I had to do some transferring to my new laptop. I’ll write down some more fun facts as an apology. Disclaimer: This is all stuff I noticed, inferred, or interpreted. I didn’t write the film, anything I’ve interpreted is just that, an interpretation based on things I noticed using my experiences and knowledge.

Fun fact #1: I have attempted to write in a proper novel style at least five times. After watching DE and watching @octopunkmedia ‘s script breakdowns and such, I've started writing scripts instead. I’m much farther along in those than I ever have been in books. 10/10 amazing for my visual based concepts.

Fun fact #2: My mental health was rapidly declining and I was losing interest in quite literally everything at the time the film was released. Watching the film and fixating on it for a month straight not only inspired me but helped me regain control of my life. Watching streams by the cast and Michelle while I worked for school made my productivity skyrocket.

Fun fact #3: I recently developed a tic that I now can’t get rid of. It was out of control for about twenty minutes right before I began writing this post. However, when I began re-watching the film (partially because it’s a comfort for me and I’m quite honestly terrified of what’s happening in the US right now) it stopped. So that’s fun.

As usual, spoilers and swearing under the cut! Quick note: If there should be a trigger warning on this or anything else I post, please let me know! I’m horrible at remembering to tag triggers. I’ll also be doing some quick posts on Umbrella Academy and my severe obsession with Jason Todd soon. Have fun!

As usual, here’s a list of people I know the users of in case you’d like to check any of them out. I’m likely missing people so feel free to let me know who I’m missing so I can add them!

Maximilian Kroger - Nines (@ maximiliankroger)

Christopher (Chris) Trindade - Gavin (@ trindabago)

Michael Smallwood - Chris Miller (@ michaelsmallwoodforever)

Carla Kim - Tina Chen (@ carlahkim)

Jillian Geurts - Ada (@ jilbobaggins_nyc)

Michelle Iannantuono - (@ octopunkmedia)

JJ Goller - Lazzo (@ quasar.cos)

Brett Mullen - Cinematographer (@ brettmullendirector)

Austin Butts - Sound Design (@ austinbytts)

Tiare Solis - Valerie (@ tiareleiana)

So I decided to put all of the rest into this post. It’s a long one. Not even that sorry about it bc I love this film with my entire heart. Warning for me getting sidetracked. I use a lot of Supernatural references but it’s because I’m visiting my dad and he’s binge watching the show. I like Dean and only Dean, don’t bully me for it.

The Wrist Grip™️ in the bedroom before Nines moves back

Shoutout to Maximilian Kroger’s muscles u go dude

Lighting Symbolism™️, big theme through the movie, honestly I think it’s beautiful and they did a wonderful job with it.

The little nod from Gavin as he starts talking about his nightmare

You can see Gavin gearing up to move, like not in a normal way, in a “oh god I don’t know if I have the energy to do this” way and that’s Relatable™️

The little smile from Nines as they sit together

The SHARK PLUSHIE I LOVE HIM (THE SHARK HAS AN INSTAGRAM @ sharktreuse)

Nines being domestic, making coffee and breakfast, being Soft.

Shirt change??? Either I’m blind or he’s wearing a different shirt in the morning (He is. He’s wearing a t shirt at night and a buttoned collar shirt in the morning. Perhaps he changed? He’s wearing normal pants so he probably changed but he’s not wearing that same shirt in the next scene)

Ada eye rolling at them being passive aggressive dumbasses. Same. Apparently Jillian kept fucking with them which is,, so valid.

The lighting in this scene (the office pt. 2) makes Maximilian look Android-white and outlined in the CyberLife blue-ish color. Very symbolic, I have no idea if it was intentional.

Another shoutout, this time to Maximilian’s eyebrows, the expressiveness is *chef’s kiss*.

“You can thank me later, Casanova.” Nines: *confused Android noises*

Honorable mention to Michael’s Foo Fighters t shirt in the bar, it’s vintage.

Nines is in fact wearing a different shirt now. Not the same shirt from the morning bedroom scene. I also think he’s wearing a different jacket. Less of a peacoat and more of a leather jacket. Nice.

Shoutout to Tina’s (not irl) wife, Valerie! And her weird crush on Hank! I honestly can’t wait to see her in Seven Deadly Synths!!

Ada DODGING the questions that Nines is asking because she is SHADY.

Also, he looks to Gavin when he talks about wanting to be more human. Recurring theme of him perceiving himself as lacking because of his ace-ness/android-ness, like he can’t give Gavin what he wants. Honestly I know that the android thing is a thinly veiled metaphor for race in canon but I kinda like thinking of it as a metaphor for being LGBT+ and in Nines’ case, specifically ace. Might not make sense but it does in my brain??

Gavin Senses Are Tingling and Nines is GONE. Leaving the bar for ur not-bf to try to talk things out like adults??? King shit.

Also electric lighter, fun, I genuinely didn’t know those existed

SHIRT WITH UNBUTTONED COLLAR

“You don’t want to help me, you want to fix me.” What a loaded line. Because in a way, it’s almost true? Like, Nines has this entire simulation of Gavin in his ideal world, and obviously that version of Gavin has probably been idealized at least a bit. Nature of humanity, and Nines might not be human but he’s got the Brain Things. And at that moment, it’s nearly true that Nines wants Gavin to be like that ideal Gavin. Obviously Nines wants Gavin as Gavin, but there’s the edge of that simulation there, still.

But Nines does want to help Gavin, and that’s where he’s wrong. Nines wants Gavin to get better, wants to help stop the nightmares, etc. But by pointing that out, I think it’s partially why Nines can accept letting go of Simulation!Gavin when Ada attacks him. Because he knows that the simulation of Gavin will never be the real Gavin, and this line sort of helps him understand that he can’t really keep Sim!Gavin anyways.

Again idk if that’s legit but that’s definitely something I felt from that while watching.

Nines is constantly very controlled, but when he walks away from Gavin you can see him straining to keep that composure and not let his anger show.

Ada looking So Done With This Shit when Nines comes back from talking with Gavin outside of the bar

“I’m sure this will be like...every other time.” Oh honey. Oh my sweet child. I am so very sorry. It most definitely will not be.

Ada’s exasperated Eyebrow Raise before taking a drink. If that ain’t the mood sis.

I love Ada’s bat wings on her outfits.

Gavin being a stalker and putting his hood up.

“I’m...certain that most of the credit can go to you.” IMMEDIATE ANGER. Must Defend Boyfriend.

I SO WANTED HIM TO SAY “WISDOM” WHILE TALKING ABOUT GAVIN’S SKILLS BECAUSE IT WOULD MIRROR HIM TELLING GAVIN THAT HE ISN’T WISE BEFORE THEY LEFT FOR THE STAKEOUT. He didn’t, but instinct is a better word for Gavin anyways.

Nines has Suspicion™️...press X for doubt...

*Only vaguely related rant warning*

I do feel that we as a fandom tend to make Connor almost childishly innocent despite him being likely one of the least kind and least innocent characters. The characterization of Nines in this--and pardon me for the off topic rant--where he’s a fully grown man and acts like it is so much more realistic. Nines is a cop, as is Connor.

Even post deviancy, they were designed and equipped to handle murder. Nines, in a lot of fandom content, tends to come off as an exasperated older brother or a gritty and mean detective, or even worse, essentially a sociopath who feels nothing in contrast to Connor’s childish and extreme innocence. I dislike both. Seeing Nines be a normal fucking person is so relieving, I’m serious. There’s still those elements of ‘oh he’s only been properly alive for like a year, right? He probably doesn’t get Chris’ Casanova reference.’ but it’s not to such an extreme that it overtakes all of his personality traits.

Like, yeah, ok, I get why a lot of fandom content does that. In order to balance what we see Connor do (and in order to further push the Hank as a father line) we over-emphasize the not getting references and such. Honestly I see the same in content for Castiel from Supernatural. Nines, when he’s added, often HAS to be a lot darker in order to make that seem not as jarring and unrealistic.

Doesn’t mean I enjoy it. If you do? That’s great, good for you, but I don’t like seeing those characters be portrayed as such one dimensional extremes. People aren’t like that. On the off chance that someone is such an extreme, there’s still other aspects of their personality.

DE has done an amazing job at not flattening their personalities. Nines and Gavin are three-dimensional and incredibly interesting characters I find myself invested in every time I watch it.

*Onto the commentary again.*

Gavin is still being a stalker

“Particular fascination with the RK line” AHAHA funny. She’s also an RK, and she likely knows more than Nines because her programming is based on information gathering. Her fascination begins and ends with what their programming can do for her.

The little computer details in Ada’s eyes as she copies Nines’ OS, and again in Nines’ eyes when he’s in the alley alone. I believe Michelle did all of that and I am just amazed every time I watch.

The warped voice effect.

Gavin shifting to hold Nines as soon as he passes out

The ethereal colored lighting is very good for the mood, space hospital vibes

Shoutout to the latex suit they put Maximilian in! That’s not CG! He’s wearing a full body white latex suit. I’m so sorry.

Gavin looks so tired talking to Dr. Maria. His posture is defensive, pulled into himself. Shoulders hunched, arms pulled in. Eye bags, messy hair. Boy looked messed up. Somebody hug him.

Nines’ hair being disheveled and messy in the corrupted Zen Garden, rivaling his assertion that in his ideal world (Aka the normal Zen Garden) his appearance is polished, signifying the loss of control and the loss of the Zen Garden being a safe, ideal space for him. Same concept with Sim!Gavin being corrupted.

Nines: *wakes up in his mindspace*

Also Nines, immediately: GAVIN!!1!!1

Nines believes in CONSENT!! You do not go into someone’s program without asking, ADA.

Ada’s “poor widdle baby” face as Nines is freaking out because she trapped him. Mood.

Tina wearing a low turtleneck and a flannel is Peak Gay, especially next to Gavin “I wear the same leather jacket+hoodie combo every single day and probably the same jeans for a month” Reed, aka the most disastrous and chaotic bisexual I have ever seen. Again, a mood, I honestly felt that one.

The face when Nines realizes that Ada isn’t deviant yet.

Gavin is blaming himself somebody stop this idiot.

“Not without Nines.” What a softie.

“The last thing I said to him was ‘I don’t need you’.” BITCH WHAT THE FUCK MY HEART.

Gavin calling Tina “T” in that soft voice is so sweet omg

Ugh the bisexual LIGHTING is KILLING ME, ESPECIALLY as Gavin sits at Nines’ bedside

Tina encouraging Gavin. WLW/MLM solidarity.

Fun fact: Chris Trindade told Maximilian not to react at all to the big speech but Maximilian literally started crying during it and there’s footage somewhere of the Dramatic Single Tear rolling down his face while he’s still ‘in stasis’.

Yes, I double checked the streams to make sure I got this right, I love the concept though.

Look I cannot get into the speech because I will write 1.5k words on it, but I will say this: It made me cry. The acting, the writing, it’s iconic. The amount of love and devotion they got without even saying the words “I love you” was amazing. Chris is so very talented.

THERES A TAKE WHERE GAVIN FALLS ASLEEP NEXT TO NINES’ HOSPITAL BED AKSDGAKL IM SCREAMING

Tina is the best wingman ngl

The glitches in Zen Gavin are amazing. The sequence when he’s deleting the Zen Garden is also amazing. I use amazing a lot but it’s deserved.

Nines deleting the Zen Garden and Sim!Gavin is very symbolic of letting go of all of the fake stuff, letting go of the fear he was holding that kept him from confessing to Gavin and I love that

Nines sitting silently straight up.

Gavin is highly intelligent and I’m so glad Octopunk embraces that.

*another vaguely related rant warning*

Ok let me tell y’all a thing because this RUINS MY LIFE. People tend to take characters like Percy Jackson or Dean Winchester, whose intelligence isn’t outwardly obvious from the get-go, and remove it entirely. Percy is reduced to an idiot who can’t tie his own shoes and Dean is often shown basically unable to research without Sam. Both of those are bullshit.

Percy has ADHD and Dyslexia, so when often we categorize smart as only book-smart, Percy’s intelligence as a battle strategist and his actual knowledge gets erased. Dean is usually the more physical and shoot-first-never-ask-questions type, and his intelligence is severely downplayed. He made an EMP detector from scratch. Made a shotgun, remembers how to kill things, is a very good hunter, especially on his own. But that’s thrown away because he’s not book-smart.

I despise when people take characters who are talented and smart in ways that aren’t just reciting the periodic table and reduce them to muscles and angst or drooling children.

Octopunk having a scene where Gavin is working through a case, already having done the things that Chris, someone who was only recently promoted, suggests, is just affirming Gavin’s intelligence in a way I wish I could be not surprised by. Gavin is smart, and luckily I haven’t seen much downplaying that fact. He’s a detective for a reason. Unfortunately I think it might be because the fandom tends to turn Connor and Nines into actual children, but a win is a win.

Now I’m not saying I don’t love a good himbo character but I literally had to stop interacting with Percy Jackson content because people wrote him as incapable.

*Moving on*

“I think I can help with that.” Bitch why are you so dramatic I love him so much.

Nines’ t-shirt says “Detroit City Marathon”

“You...undead asshole.” What an iconic line. I need a t-shirt.

“I...hate you.” “You love me.” Harkens back to the beginning where the roles are reversed. Yes I used that unironically. Words are fun.

Gavin looking scared right before The Kiss™️

THE PULSE POINT!! THE SCENE WAS SUPER EMOTIONAL SO MICHELLE WANTED THEM TO DO YOGA ZEN SHIT TO PREPARE AND THEN THEY JUST DID THE THING BUT THEY PUT IN THE PULSE POINT

ANYWAYS THAT’S WHAT GAVIN IS FEELING FOR ON NINES’ WRIST RIGHT BEFORE THE KISS.

I thought that was cute when I learned it in one of the streams.

Nines’ LED spinning blue when they finally kiss asgladkaf

“What dipshit programmed you to do that?” “I’m the most advanced android ever made, detective-“ “oh you are such a fuckin’ prick!” “Takes one to know one.” I canNOT with them, I laughed my ASS off

The little broken laugh Nines does

Nines rubbing his hands over Gavin’s while they talk about Gavin’s jacket

Shoutout to Chris’ surprised pikachu face. (Tina is also there) That was a joke take, it’s in the gag reel, too. The face wasn’t supposed to make it into the film but Michelle added it. (In the gag reel, Carla yells “Let’s go to Denny’s!” At the end.)

And Ada’s leather pants. Honestly?? She’s so pretty. I love her. They’re all really attractive it’s actually terrifying.

Nines and Tina being a part of the Gay Turtleneck Gang

Nines’ untucked turtleneck

Tina being a Smart Girl. (Nines calling her “Officer” and her replying with “I’ll make detective someday.”

Chris being Exhausted during the whole meeting. Me too dude.

Chris and Tina doing literally nothing while Gavin and Nines have a whole heart to heart

The WHITE COAT. Tina in her blues. Chris’ Foo Fighters shirt. They’re such icons but they absolutely look like a group of gay ppl who did NOT decide on a theme.

The fight sequence is impressive, considering that they’re literally not stunt actors. I’m not a fight choreographer or stunt person so That’s really all I have to say on that.

Chris patting Gavin’s gun after he explains what he’s doing. \

As a Jason Todd lover the crowbar is unfortunate (had to, sorry)

Nines’ smirk and the TURTLENECK as he spins away from Ada with the crowbar. Iconic. The Big Dick Energy. Especially for someone who doesn’t have a dick.

Chris being a Dad when Gavin runs off to go stop the body calibration

Ada just YEETS Gavin. Iconic.

Ada: *doing the villain “you won’t shoot me, you’re too moral” thing*

Chris: Shut the fuck up *shoots her*

Deviancy sequence, iconic

“You’re awake now” bitch get your own tag line, Markus became Robot Jesus for this shit

He’s HOLDING HER HAND while DEFENDING HER!! PLATONIC HAND HOLDING

Gavin trusting Nines’ decision immediately. Amazing. THAT’S LOVE BITCH.

The SMILES after Ada leaves!! They know they made the right choice!

Ugh the COLOR SYMBOLISM!! This is one thing that Michelle has touched on herself! Gavin isn’t wearing white in this scene because he’s not ‘fixed’, he never will be! He has trauma and he’s just barely beginning to heal from it with Nines’ help. He’s wearing grey, lighter than his usual, but still grey because they aren’t pure or innocent and they’re not perfect!! And that’s the fucking point!! It’s also a contrast against Sim!Gavin wearing white! Sim!Gavin was an idealized version of Gavin in Nines’ idealized world!! Real Gavin isn’t that!! So he’s wearing grey!!

Gavin immediately understanding that Nines is Ace and that it’s ok!! Beautiful!

“You’ve been a whole person since the day you woke up” YES!! YOU DO NOT NEED SEX TO BE WHOLE!! FUCK YEAH!!! (this is ace excitement. In the months since writing this I realized I’m aro-ace and trans so fuck yeah for ace rep.)

Gavin being a dick and making Nines tell him about the skin thing

THE KISS!! They slowly move more into the light!! Because they’re getting better TOGETHER!!

Ok before I sign off, it’s only 3 am so I think I’m awake enough to talk about this, I like that they bring up that Gavin has like, actual issues that he needs to get through. Let’s be 100% honest here, I see Gavin as having ADHD, depression, and probably a form or symptoms of PTSD. He’s kinda fucked up and I’m gonna be real here he needs some therapy. He’s got trauma and needs to work through it.

I like that at the end they explicitly have Nines understand and accept that that’s what needs to happen. As someone who has actually had relationships ruined because of trauma (on both sides) that we were unprepared to work through together, if I had seen something like that? Game changer. As it was, most relationships I had seen were idealized and seemed to “fix” those issues by way of just being in a relationship. Thanks major media.

Now that the Detroit Evolution post series is over, I’m gonna be a bit sentimental and say that this film quite literally changed my life. Seriously. Michelle is such a big inspiration for me and I can only hope to be the same for someone else.

If you ever have a chance to check out any of the amazing people who worked on this film, please do. To put into context how big this was: I changed my ideal college major from Forensics to Film.

That’s it that’s all, ending this post at 3:24 am before I literally start crying over it. Thanks for suffering through my long-winded explanations, I hope you enjoyed. Have a wonderful day.

#theo watches Detroit Evolution #octopunk media #reed900 #gavin reed #rk900 #look I tagged Michelle because I have shit impulse control and I wanted y'all to have like #a direct link to her page #i might cry if she sees this and comments on it #seriously I might #happy tears though #it's 3 am and my tic is back #I have no impulse control rn #and I would fight god #also if y'all wanna request something head to the askbox or the dms #I'll look into it

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generallynerdy · 4 years

Text

Maybe it does all add up to a single hush (Kanan Jarrus/Cal Kestis)

Summary: 15 years after the Fall, 10 years after the death of Caleb Dume, Kanan Jarrus and Cal Kestis find each other again.

Warnings: Jedi: Fallen Order Spoilers, Implied/Referenced Character Death, cursing, brief suicidal ideation/thoughts Word Count: 5,143

Author’s Note: the effort I had to put in not to make this another series...I had to stage an intervention for myself. Anyway, I love Cal and Kanan’s dynamic, whether as partners or as friends, and an Idea struck me that wouldn’t leave. Also, idk how old most people think Cal was when the war ended based on JFO clips, but I always just kind of went with him being the same age as Kanan at the end of the war bc I love them and I need them to know each other. The title is from the poem “So They Say— They Finally Nailed— The Proton’s Size— & Hope— Dies—” by Rosebud Ben-Oni.

Read On AO3

When the hard part is over, Cal returns to Bracca, his new lightsaber tucked under Cere’s old robe that still smells like the Temple, with the intention of burning Prauf’s body.

Caleb still had his own robe. He kept it in the deepest part of their shared closet, bringing it out only on the worst days. If Prauf saw it, he never mentioned it, and both boys were grateful for it. There was a lot he didn’t mention.

Cal thinks, sometimes, that Prauf knew who they were before. After all, it’s hard to look at two abandoned kids in the wake of the Clone Wars that can survive being riggers and not think of the thousands of Jedi younglings that died on Empire Day. It’s even harder to ignore two lightsabers and one ratty, brown robe.

Maybe Prauf wasn’t sure.

But he had to be, on that last day, when they found that fighter. When Cal caught him with the Force. He knew then, maybe before. But he still took care of them.

Maybe he knew when the Empire showed up, when Caleb heard the roar of a TIE Fighter and looked instantly to the redheaded boy beside him like he was about to die before his eyes. Maybe that was the moment he put it all together. Or was it his last moment? When the world began to go dark and both Cal and Caleb lashed out in fury at his killers with matching, bright blue blades—did he know? Did he know that he died for the children of an already dying Order?

Standing over the bonfire, Cal holds the Holocron in shaky hands.

Did Prauf know his sacrifice would save the life of every child just like them?

Cal moves away from the flames to the gap in the ground that they’d held Caleb over, his calloused hands clawing at the Ninth Sister, who clutched his throat.

Deep in Cal’s heart, he knows half the reason he beat her was for his best friend. He’d almost given in to rage but stopped himself at the memory of him. Revenge is not the way of the Jedi. But justice is. And so is survival, these days.

Caleb’s lightsaber fell long before he did. When he did fall, he went screaming bloody murder, the noise echoing in the silence that rang in Cal’s ears.

Standing at the edge now, Cal almost considers simply...stepping off.

He can survive it. He has before. And what’s to say that Caleb isn’t waiting at the bottom?

Caleb...used to like animals, he remembers. He preferred them to plants, which are unreadable if you don’t have practise with them. Animals, like people, are complex but tell you in simple terms what they want and what they don’t want. Cal has always been better with plants. They’re simple, grounding, natural. Caleb used to tease him for it.

The only plant he ever managed to grow on this place was a seedling in a boot filled with dirt he kept in their room. It had been making good progress in their last weeks, enough that he’d actually felt some semblance of hope.

And then...and then he’d lost everything. Again.

The Holocron burns in his hand, reminding him that there is more in store for him than an endless chasm. Hundreds of thousands of Force-sensitive children are depending on him now, him and the Mantis crew.

Cal lets out a shaky breath. “I couldn’t save you,” he whispers to the wind. “But maybe I can save them.”

On the way back to the Mantis, he turns around to go find the robe and the plant in its boot. The robe smells like blaster fire and the plant is wilting but both are comforting: one because it’s familiar and the other because it’s not quite gone yet.

Kanan changes his name.

It doesn’t feel right, hearing his given name from anyone that isn’t Cal or Prauf. The first and only time it happens, nausea sinks in and he quickly makes the change.

Some days, he wants to go back to Bracca. Some part of him still hopes Cal survived the Inquisitors, that he’s waiting for him back at what used to be home, but the logical part of him knows that he’s not. Kanan surviving was a miracle, a fluke, and those don’t happen twice. Sometimes he wishes it had never happened at all.

He managed to save his lightsaber, as broken to bits as it was. It and the necklace Cal gave him are all he has now.

Kanan doesn’t let himself grieve, as much as he knows he needs to. He hardly did it before, on Bracca, but now he won’t allow even a tear. Surviving is the only thing on his mind, though for what he doesn’t know.

When he almost loses that little piece of metal on a string, though, he breaks down sobbing.

It’s the stupidest thing, really. All those lessons on attachment are lost on him now, as he cries over the rusted symbol of the Jedi Order on a piece of scrap metal that Cal had put on a cord for him. He keeps it close to his heart, hanging off his neck every hour of every day if he can help it, and getting that close to losing it is the last straw.

He knows now, why he’s surviving. Because Cal would want him to.

Meeting Hera is a relief. She’s kind but curious, which is more of a bane than it should be.

(Painfully, he’s reminded of himself as a youngling. His Master always said his frequent questions were what drew her to him.)

She’s the first to know about his past, both as a Jedi and a rigger on Bracca. He doesn’t think to mention Caleb, doesn’t think it would matter to anyone, not until after a mission gone bad.

Hera is putting bacta on his wounds and graciously ignoring his constant wincing when she sees it.

She points to the cord after examining what hangs on it for a minute. “For someone who’s trying to be discreet, you wear a lot of Jedi stuff.”

Kanan snorts. “Yeah, well, I won’t get rid of this one.”

“It’s important to you,” she points out. “Can I ask why?”

He hesitates, swallowing roughly. “My best friend gave it to me...on Bracca, befo-before the Inquisitors caught up to us,” he admits. “He didn’t make it.”

Her eyes are full of empathy, something she never lacks. “What was his name?”

“Cal,” he says, voice quiet. “Cal Kestis.”

“If you remember his name,” she promises, “he’ll always be with you.”

It’s not so much a Twi’lek belief as it is her own but it reminds Kanan of Grey more than anyone else. His buir. The clones subscribed to many Mandalorian beliefs, including the echoing of remembrances for the dead. Before the abrupt end of the war, little Caleb used to say his every morning with his Master and buir.

So, he decides to start again. It’s difficult, at first, to even get through the first names, his oldest names.

“Depa Billaba,” he says through tears in the quiet of pre-dawn, “Grey, Styles, Prauf...”

He stops.

It’s hard to think, even harder to say, but he knows he needs to. He needs to tell himself the truth, needs to accept the truth.

“Cal—”

He sobs, shaky and painful. His throat burns just like it did when he fell down the chasm on Bracca, screaming his head off, part out of fear for himself but mostly for fear of what was happening to Cal above him. It hurts to speak it into the world, into the Force and those marching on. Cal is among them now, he knows. He just...has to admit it.

“Cal Kestis,” he finally says, the admission wobbly and half-hearted.

He never loses the necklace again.

They’ve finally settled on Bogano, after wiping every trace of it from Imperial data servers. The Holocron is safely locked away in the Vault, guarded by their crew and the Binog, fondly called ‘the big guy,’ mostly by fault of Greez.

Though mostly self-sufficient, occasionally some of them will leave the planet for supplies they can’t make themselves. While off on supply runs, well, they can’t help it if some Imperials just look like easy pickings. Apparently, slavers get the same treatment because Merrin ends up a figure in some sort of oral tradition of a Tatooine family, which Cal finds hilarious. Cere is not so amused and grounds them—literally, in that they can’t leave Bogano—for over a month.

Cal spends most of it repairing old platforms and ziplines, not to mention entertaining the Boglings.

They’re fond of him, for some reason, and BD-1, who loves to run around with them while Cal works. One in particular, named Rabid by Merrin after she stole her entire plate of food, is especially loveable.

Cal snickers as he pulls Rabid off his shoulder. “I have to finish this, then I can play.”

Rabid is not pleased with his answer, nibbling at his trousers.

“Rabid,” he chides, ignoring her in favour of his work. He laughs again. “I used to know somebody who would’ve loved you, annoying as you are.”

BD, who has taken Rabid’s place, beeps curiously.

Cal’s face falls a little. He pauses in his work. “Oh. I guess I’ve never told you about Caleb, huh?”

The little droid shakes his head.

Cal never intended to talk about Caleb to anyone, really, but it all comes pouring out. He tells BD and Rabid all about his old best friend, his confidant. The story is a long one, reaching from the creche all the way to Bracca and its bitter end. By the time he’s finished, his voice is quiet and hesitant, his grief echoing through.

Rabid curls up in his lap, nudging his hand, while BD sits in front of them, tilting his head.

A little light on the side of his scope says that he’s recording. He does that a lot, Cal knows, for prosperity, just like he was programmed to. Cal doesn’t mind, really.

When he finishes, BD gets his attention by chirping.

“Huh? You have something to show me?”

BD’s projector whirrs to life and a blue image appears. It’s Cordova, again, but not a video this time. It’s only a holo, of him and another Jedi—Master Jocasta Nu, Cal realises. Master Cordova is dead asleep on her shoulder and she’s leaned over to kiss his brow.

“Oh,” Cal breathes out, something jarring in his chest.

BD-1 thinks that he and Caleb were—well, were like that.

“I—” he pauses. “I dunno, buddy. I never asked him if...but I think…”

Well. It’d be a stretch to say Cal loved him, but he certainly cared for him more than he ever did anyone else. When they were thirteen and stupid, he might’ve said he had a crush on him. After the Fall, on Bracca, he just...didn't think of it. Caleb was all he had and he clung but he never...thought about what it was, thought about what they were.

It hurts to think of now, all that he missed.

“I don’t know if I did,” Cal tells BD quietly. “But I think I- I think I could have.”

BD asks about Caleb a lot, after that. Maybe he can tell that talking about him makes Cal happy. The others know about the one he lost but they don’t ask. They all have their demons and Cal’s are just...just too great to pile on another person. BD, though, is a little easier. All he wants is to see Cal smile again.

“What’s this?”

Kanan doesn’t think to look up at whatever Ezra—the newest addition to the Ghost crew—has swiped from him, until he notices a weight missing from his neck. His head snaps up to where a cord hangs from Ezra’s hand.

“Give that back,” Kanan growls, not meaning to be so aggressive.

Ezra’s eyes widen. He holds it out immediately, dropping it into Kanan’s open hand. “Sorry,” he mutters, watching curiously as Kanan puts it back on.

Almost by instinct, Kanan tucks the piece of scrap metal back under his shirt and breathes out a sigh of relief. He goes back to his datapad. Then, a moment later, when he notices the entire room is still silent, he looks up. Sabine and Zeb have joined Ezra in staring incredulously.

“What?” Kanan asks, his voice back to normal.

“I’ve never seen you that mad before,” Sabine admits with a half-shrug, though her eyes betray her concern.

Zeb nods, arms crossed. “And I’ve never seen you without that thing on your neck.”

“Yeah, you even sleep with it!” Ezra adds. “What’s up with that?”

“I—” He goes to make an excuse but stops, his hand fidgeting with the necklace.

“You don’t have to…” Sabine starts to say, but he shakes his head.

He sighs. To be honest, he’s surprised Zeb and Sabine haven’t asked before. “My best friend gave it to me.”

Ezra immediately sits down across from him, eyes wide. “Another Jedi?”

Admittedly, the kid is a lot like he used to be: always asking questions, always pushing. It’s going to get him in trouble someday but for now, it just gets him more stories out of Kanan, stories about the Jedi.

“Yeah. Yeah, another Padawan. We grew up in the Temple together.” He smiles, a fickle and fleeting thing. “He was picked by a Master before me, so we were separated...at the end. But I found him again, on the planet he was last assigned. He gave me this.”

Ezra’s face is bright, curious. Sabine, on the other hand, looks prepared for a gut-punch.

“What happened to him?” she asks quietly.

Kanan exhales sharply, ruefully. “Inquisitors. After 5 years of nothing, they came out of nowhere. I never saw what happened to him. For all I know, they still have him.”

“Oh,” Ezra says, his face falling.

“You know, Zeb,” Kanan begins, not wanting to make things any sadder, “his Master was a Lasat.”

He scoffs. “No way.”

“He was, swear it on my life!” he claims, raising a hand. “First time I saw you, I thought Master Tapal came back to haunt me for being a bad influence.”

Zeb snickers. “Bad influence? You?”

“Eh, a nudge here and there. We were not good kids.”

He tells them a few stories before Sabine and Zeb are called away by Hera and Chopper, leaving Ezra and Kanan alone. Ezra makes to follow them but stops, his expression cautiously blank.

“What is it, Ezra?” Kanan asks, already knowing that he’s brimming with curiosity.

“You said he was...your best friend?”

He frowns. “Yeah, ever since we were kids. Why?”

“I dunno. The way you talked about him just reminded me of my parents,” Ezra admits hesitantly. “Sappy. Did you—?”

Kanan sighs, touching his necklace again.

He had always been more reckless than Cal, back then. He threw himself into everything, into every situation. No matter the problem or the person, he was all-in. No matter what. And that included Cal. Once he took that step, he was karked. Before he knew it, he was hanging onto the redhead’s every word.

Cal was...different. Kanan had known that for a long time but the war only brought it out.

Kanan had a stupid crush, that was all. But on Bracca, it was everything and more.

He’d known then, known for a long time. Cal had never seen it but he didn’t have to. Kanan was fine the way things were. It didn’t feel right, bringing things up after...well, after. So Cal never knew.

(Sure, he could see the past of things with a single touch of his hands but he’d always been pretty oblivious.)

“Love him?” Kanan asks, raising an eyebrow.

Ezra nods.

It’s without hesitation that he answers. “I did.”

When they go in search of Master Luminara, Kanan’s kids buy him a precious few minutes to search for a Cal Kestis in the prisoner logs. He’s not there, of course, but Kanan thinks he prefers that to a death certificate.

“Ho-oly shit,” Greez says over comms one day. “You guys better get up here.”

Cal shares a look with Cere, following her out of the workshop with BD on his shoulder. Merrin has already teleported to Greez’s side when they arrive, lightsabers in hand. Greez passes the young man—not so young anymore, Cere has commented teasingly as he desperately shaves away any trace of his age—a pair of electrobinoculars.

Squinting through the scope, he spies a trail of smoke on the horizon attached to a ship.

“Kriffing hells,” Cere says after she gets a look.

In all their 10 years here, no one has ever landed—or crashed, for that matter—on the planet. The few ships that have come into orbit were Imperial and always quickly dealt with before word could get out. This one, however, isn’t exactly your standard Imperial cruiser. And it’s wrecked.

“Looks like a modified VCX-100 light freighter to me,” Greez says. “It’s a nice ship.”

Merrin rolls her eyes. “Are we waiting for them to come to us?”

“Looks like we don’t have to,” Cere declares, still looking through the binocs. “They’re headed this way, six hostiles. Three humans, a Lasat, a Twi’lek, and a droid.”

Greez laughs. “A Lasat? We’re kriffed.”

“Says you,” Merrin snorts.

“I’m with her,” Cal agrees, a cocky smile on his face. “Merrin and I will take the Vault. Cere, Greez, take home. BD will lure the big ones our way.”

“You got it, kid.”

Cere puts a hand on his shoulder before he can follow Merrin—more or less, seeing as she just teleports everywhere. “Be careful.”

The worst part of intruders is that even the hypothetical good ones can’t know Bogano is here. They’ll have to knock them out hard enough for their memories to be spotty and dump them in a nearby system if they’re smart—and they are.

Cal slips on his robe, a gift from Cere, and flips the hood up, making for the Vault.

If these visitors think they can take the Holocron, they have another thing coming.

“Are you sure we can find help here?” Ezra asks for the third time as they approach the massive building in the distance. “It looks...deserted.”

Hera sighs for the third time. “Scanners said there were signs of life here in a higher concentration than the rest of the planet. It’s worth checking out.”

Sabine gestures through the mild fog. “There’s buildings up ahead.”

“Good, let’s head there,” Kanan says, a cautious hand on his lightsaber.

Hopping across platforms is a pain, but they all manage to make their way to what looks like a residential area. A small path digs into the ground, leading deeper inside the planet’s crust. With a look at her second in command, Hera starts toward it. However, she stops when Kanan freezes.

“Do you feel that?” he asks suddenly, squinting as he looks into the distance.

Something is...tugging at him. Something in the Force is insistent that he go...that way. The feeling of incompleteness settles inside his chest.

“No…” Ezra replies uneasily. “What is it?”

He shakes his head. “I don’t know.” After a moment, he decides. “I think I should go this way. You guys go on ahead.”

Zeb scoffs. “I’ll go with you. We don’t know who lived here. Could be Inquisitors for all we know.”

“They generally prefer places with lava,” Ezra counters.

The group splits, with Hera leading Sabine, Chopper, and Ezra into the abode. She and Sabine have their blasters raised, while Ezra keeps a hand on his lightsaber. Chopper is always ready to give someone a nasty shock.

“Anyone home?” Sabine calls.

There’s no answer.

They come across a small kitchen and dining room, where two chairs are pulled out. Over one hangs a small, ratty brown robe with multiple blaster burns.

Ezra plucks it off the back of the seat. “Woah, cool,” he breathes. “Very Jedi-like, huh?”

“Leave it, Ezra,” Hera chides fondly.

“You’d best,” says another voice.

All three of them jump as a lightsaber hums to life. Double-bladed, the weapon burns bright white throughout the room, illuminating its bearer, a woman with dark skin and hair, and her companion.

“Inquisitor!” Ezra cries, lighting his own.

The lightsaber wielder’s friend fires off a blaster right at Hera, who’s shoved out of the way by Sabine. Chopper shrieks, his head spinning.

“Look out!”

On the surface, Zeb follows Kanan to the edge of the platform. There, they find a zip line, which they intend to brave before a series of chirps stops them.

Zeb yelps and lifts his rifle when a droid appears, only stopped by Kanan’s raised hand.

It’s...a buddy droid.

“Hey, little guy,” Kanan greets cautiously. “What are you doing all the way out here?”

He beeps excitedly and backs away, indicating that they should follow. With a single leap, he attaches himself to the zipline and whirrs as he zooms all the way down.

“Don’t tell me we’re following the droid,” Zeb groans.

Kanan just smiles. “We’re following the droid.”

Using the Force to balance himself, he leaps atop the zipline and begins to tiptoe his way down. Behind him, Zeb sighs but reaches up to grab the line, following right after him. They land on a platform a good distance away, where a small slope is guarded by two statues; the beings depicted are of an unknown species, one lost to time.

“I don’t like this,” Zeb says as soon as he hops onto the grass. “It’s like the start of a bad horror holo.”

Kanan snorts. “If that were true, it would be raining tookas and massiffs.”

The buddy droid whirrs loudly to get their attention and bounces his way up the sloping path, on top of which sits a fluffy native creature. Kanan doesn’t know what they’re called, but this one is adorable. She chirps at them, much like the droid did.

“Oh, you’re a sweet little thing, aren’t you?” Kanan coos, moving to meet the creature and let her sniff his hand.

She makes a happy noise and nudges him.

“Ugh,” Zeb mutters, “more things.”

The droid and the creature lead them to the entrance of the massive, ancient building that had caught Kanan’s eye from the crash site. He steps in front of Zeb, placing his hand on the runes in the rock as the Force sings. This isn’t what’s calling him, but…

“Something is here,” Kanan whispers.

“I hope it’s not something that wants to eat us,” Zeb says long-sufferingly.

The slab of rock retreats into the space above, leaving an open tunnel of sorts.

“Karabast,” the Lasat curses, “I hate Jedi stuff.”

Kanan rolls his eyes. “C’mon.”

It’s a tight fit, but the two squeeze their way through, Kanan leading the way. They exit into a large cavern filled with a few inches of water, just enough to be annoying. Standing in the midst of the cave is a figure in a brown robe. The moment Kanan spots him, he draws his lightsaber and stands in front of Zeb until he can ready his rifle, too.

“You are not meant to be here.”

Kanan frowns. “The Force says otherwise. Who are you?”

“The guardian of this vault. You need to leave,” the figure says.

From underneath their robe, they draw a very familiar weapon. With a snap and a hiss, two blades of yellow light appear. Kanan lights his own lightsaber in response but it’s too little too late.

A green smoke encompasses Zeb, who yelps as he’s flung across the room by a pissed off Nightsister—which makes zero sense because they’re all supposed to be dead.

Kanan makes for his friend, interrupted only by the mysterious guardian rushing at him.

“Where did you get that lightsaber?” the faceless figure hisses.

And, well, Kanan doesn’t know how to answer that question except with another question. “Where did you get yours? ”

Back in the residential platform, Hera leaps in between Ezra and the lightsaber-wielder. “Wait!” she cries.

Both stop, staring at her like she’s crazy.

“That’s a healed kyber crystal, isn’t it?” Hera asks, pointing to her white blade. “You’re not an Inquisitor. You’re a Jedi.”

The woman lowers her lightsaber just slightly. “I was.”

“I’m one, too!” Ezra chirps, popping out from behind Hera. “Er. I’m training to be one!”

Her eyes widen. “A Padawan? Who’s your Master?”

Before he can answer, Hera speaks for him. “Kanan Jarrus. But his name used to be Caleb Dume.”

“Caleb?” she asks, her voice hushed in awe. “Depa Billaba’s Padawan?”

She nods.

Abruptly, the woman turns sharply on her heel, raising her comm unit to her lips and rushing out the door. “Cal, they’re non-hostiles, non-hostiles! Don’t hurt your boyfriend!”

“What!?” Ezra and Sabine cry at the same time, the former’s voice cracking.

Without another word, they follow her and her friend outside.

Merrin has the Lasat out of the Vault long before Cal gets his opponent to the entrance, admittedly. Lightsaber to lightsaber combat is significantly more balanced than Nightsister magick against a bo-rifle, poor guy.

Still, Cal pushes the intruder to the top of the Vault’s slope, the man just on the edge of slipping.

That’s when Cere’s voice crackles through the comms.

“Cal, they’re non-hostiles, non-hostiles! Don’t hurt your boyfriend!”

Hand grasping the intruder’s shirt, holding him above the edge, Cal freezes. He meets brown eyes and suddenly can’t breathe, gaze drifting to the cord around the taller man’s neck. His gloveless fingers just barely skim the material, Force signatures exploding in front of his eyes.

And suddenly, he can see it. He can see himself, painstakingly painting that symbol onto the metal and bartering for a cord. He sees an older Caleb sobbing in the quiet of an unfamiliar room, clutching that necklaces like a lifeline.

“Did you—?”

“Love him? I did.”

A shaky breath passes his lips.

“Caleb?” he asks, voice breaking on the name that’s so unfamiliar on his tongue.

The grip on his wrist loosens.

Kanan hears the woman’s voice, clear as day, but he almost doesn’t believe it at first. He almost doesn’t believe when he hears that whispered question. Caleb. It’s the name of a stranger and yet—yet when that robe’s hood slips off to reveal red hair and bright green eyes, he feels like he’s never known any other name.

“Cal?”

The Force wasn’t calling him to the Vault. It was calling him to its guardian.

Silence falls, the rest of the world fading away. All they’ve been through, all they’ve seen, and it all stops in this moment. It all adds up to this.

Cal lets go of his shirt, letting him balance precariously at the top of the muddy slope down from the Vault. Neither of them speaks—neither of them knows what to feel, except bright, unparalleled joy.

Cal doesn’t let himself flinch when Caleb reaches, his fingers just barely skimming his cheek.

He doesn’t get much further. Green smoke encompasses his body and before Cal knows it, his best friend is being flung from the Vault entrance to the platform beyond, screaming as he goes. The platform beyond, where the Oggdo used to reside, is covered in flowers. It was there that Cal planted his little sapling in a boot and there that the plant spread, covering almost every inch of land with budding blue and yellow flowers.

Cal whirls around to see Merrin, her eyes glowing green.

“Merrin, no!” he protests, eyes wide with desperation. “That’s Caleb!”

Merrin’s glowing fades as she glances at the nearby Lasat and her friend’s horrified face. “My mistake,” she says in that tone that says she knows exactly who he is.

(They were taking too long to speak, in her opinion.)

Cal huffs at her before getting a running start toward the entrance, using the Force to balance himself as he slides down that muddied slope, sailing right toward Caleb. Near the end, he leaps into the air, propelling himself a mere few feet from his collapsed companion.

“Caleb!” he cries, stumbling the last few steps and falling to his knees, where Caleb is face-down in the damp grass, his hair-tie mysteriously missing.

Caleb is—well, he’s okay. He’s just...wheezing with laughter.

He pushes himself up on his elbows and flips over just as Cal makes it to him, his chest heaving with the effort. And still, he laughs, a half-mad sound.

“Are you o—?” Cal is cut off by his own yelp when Caleb flings himself up from the ground and pulls Cal with him.

He embraces the redhead, dragging them both to their feet so he can swing Cal around. Cal shrieks and hitches his legs up on his hips, as difficult as that is with the man’s height—the bastard, he grew. He reaches desperately for Caleb’s shoulders to hold onto when they spin, completely unaware of Cere and the rest of Caleb’s group appearing on the platform.

Finally, Caleb stops, looking up at Cal with shining eyes and a smile that could kill a man. Cal leans forward, letting his forehead fall against his and breathing out a sigh of relief.

“I thought the Inquisitors had you,” Caleb whispers, a thousand more words in the back of his mind, too many to count.

Cal’s eyes well with tears. “I thought you were dead.”

Caleb has always been more reckless than Cal but the latter was the one to hear his words echo through that necklace, an admission years too late. It’s because of that little echo that Cal buries a hand in the hair that falls to his shoulders and pushes his head upward, meeting him in a searing kiss.

Out of shock, Caleb both squeaks—adorable, Cal thinks—and clutches the back of Cal’s shirt for a moment before dropping him. Luckily, his instinct has him landing on his feet.

The drop pulls him away and, looking up, he sees Caleb looking shell-shocked.

He just grins, grabs the taller man’s shirt, and pulls him in for another kiss, this one saying much more than the first. Caleb plants his feet and buries a hand in Cal’s hair for good measure.

They both ignore Greez cackling in the distance and Sabine’s whispered: “What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck —”

Because in that moment, all is right with the galaxy. Cal’s flowers are fully grown and blossoming beneath their feet, Caleb’s robe is waiting for him in the other room, and they have each other again.

And that’s all they’ve ever really wanted, isn’t it?

River’s Tags: @hahaboop & @mystoragehatesme

Masterlist

#kanan jarrus x cal kestis #kanan jarrus #cal kestis #kanan jarrus/cal kestis #cal kestis x kanan jarrus #cal kestis/kanan jarrus #sw #star wars #sw fanfic #star wars fanfic #jedi fallen order #jfo #star wars rebels #sw: rebels #river #rivika #generallynerdy

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icharchivist · 3 years

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first: WAHHHHHHHHH 😭😭😭 I got so emotional!!! so emotional!!!! so much that I can’t even do this first second pattern bc I have SO MANY thoughts!!!!!!! I’m writing this in my notes instead of straight into the askbox so u know it’s serious business™

ok so debut night!!! I was like ahah yeah it’s a tragedy whatever it’ll be fun to start out with and then the voice acting was SO good that it knocked me out of the park and I almost cried haha. it’s crazy how good the voice acting in a3 is like I love how the dialogue and voice acting works well together bc like it’s limited but so effective!! u can so very clearly see and understand the style they’re going for. especially like tsumugi’s death scene... the Talent jumped out it really did... uh and ok so. I think I may be a littleeee confused abt the play bc I had always interpreted tasukus last lines as raphael to be like abt his being secretly in love with michael. but now that I’m actually reading the line that’s like oh don’t fall for a human it only ends in misery I know that all too well or whatever... ig the implication is that raphael was in love with another human / the same lady michael was in love with in the play. side note I had to go back and edit the proper names in instead of tasuku and tsumugi lol... but speaking of!! speaking of the voice acting and the play itself I 1) love how blatantly obvious it is when tsumugi goes for that grander, tasuku like style of delivery!! like u could just so easily feel the difference it was wild... and 2) tsuzuru is once again spot on with his writing, lol... I felt that like raphaels inability to save or help michael really parallels how tasuku feels abt tsumugi so well, and it’s wonderful that they r able to resolve things and tasuku can properly compliment him on his acting where the angels fail to do so. it’s very good. and I think the play rly highlights (for me at least) that like. to tasuku, it was tsumugi who was sort of an unreachable existence. like were he to idolize and respect someone’s acting, it would be tsumugi. and I think that like caring carries over into their roles really well, because I think in michael’s love for a human tasuku sees like... tsumugi’s style of acting. the heart that he’d lost while within the god troupe. mb I’m losing my mind a little but ah. the play rly works with their relationship so well!! im very excited to see the other winter ppl get main roles tho—same for all the troupes!!! now this ask is too long so I’ll have to do another part lol

going to start off this second part of the ask abt hisoka bc oh my GOD. hisoka. like I was just thinking “hm where r the winter troupe cgs anyways” and then BAM. hisoka CRYING???? especially since he doesn’t seem that emotional it was a really hard hit!!! and who tf is august.... ok well actually theory time!! skipping ahead to the end theres that note that like mentions December and April and. not to expose my friend but very many years ago (a couple years before a3 was launched, at the very least) she wrote this story where there were like 12 orphan assassins and they were all named after months. I remember the main dude was named dec lol. coupled with my “hisoka is capable of murder” bit? listen.... I’m not saying anything but I’m also not not saying anything if u feel me. also I feel like assassin / thief with mysterious background is a common trope!! that was silver from the pokémon adventures manga too... why is this my reference point lmao. anyways I’m unclear if assassins would make it into a3 but like.... if the yakuza and supernatural stuff makes it in...

okay moving away from conspiracy theories and into emotions!!! the quotes from like EVERY mankai actor before the final production made me SO emo... and yay!!! they won!!!! (though admittedly I almost had a heart attack when no one clapped) but they won!!!! that ending cg!!!! and I adore how sakyo immediately goes after god troupe man (I know his name is reni I just don’t feel like calling him that) for the money lol it’s just so sakyo-like. also I love the lil mixed troupe interactions!! I found the game night ch so fun.... ahh, now I wanna reread that ch since it was so good lol

all in all I was super satisfied ahh!! I am SO excited to start up spring troupe again (HELLO character development!!! and chikage) and I’m even MORE excited to get thru all the act 1 events!!!! as a final note, is there any way to reread or replay the flair conversations? I didn’t want any spoilers for the plays while I was doing the practices for them so I kinda sped thru the first time ahah...

HELLO FRIEND IM SO HAPPY TO GET SUCH A LENGHTY ASK ABOUT WINTER IM LKDJFLKDJFLKFD Winter makes me feel shrimps emotions (i know the whole “shrimps can see more colors than humans can’t comprehend” thing has been disproved but i’m not letting go of that expression, i REALLY feel emotions humans can’t comprehend anymore and i’m going to make it everyone else’s problem)

1) First about the voice acting, rIGHT this is just so fascinating to me!!! I remember after act 2 i came back to reread the main act 1 chapter and i was so thrown out by how GOOD the voice acting was, especially for the first few troupes having to convince you they’re not comfortable or good at acting yet. Winter whole thing is that they’re more subtle and mature and you really feel that with their voice acting, Tsumugi’s voice especially knock it off the park anytime he’s on screen.

2) Second: what does it say about me that i’ve never, ever considered your reading a possibility because i was so set on “oh Raphael you’re in love with Michael sooooo bad you see it as a tragedy already because you can see him throw his life away” i didn’t even consider “maybe Raphael went through that too”. Though i guess if we’re going with that reading i can totally see “The Woman” they let themselves consumed by easily be a representation of acting or even more the God Troupe, with Raphael/Tasuku knowing to step away before it consumes him completely while Michael/Tsumugi, by his love and passion, pushed himself until he broke, which fits and it hurtsssss god Winter plays hits so hard.

3) Third: oh god yeah when Tsumugi goes for Tasuku’s acting it’s just. It makes me SO uncomfortable, i’ve experienced this scene like three times by now and the third time i was just “can i skip it i can’t go through this again i can’t Tsumugi i love you i can’t do this”. It doesn’t match the play at all and it just throws everyone off balance, and Tsumu you could have told theM YOU WANTED TO DO THAT.... god

4) Fourth: I LOVE YOUR READING SO MUCH I LOVE IT I LOVE IT YES YOU’RE RIGHT!!! Just as we follow Tsumugi let his passion consumes him until he breaks, Tasuku’s character arc really jumps out in Raphael, like, everything you say!!! The way Tasuku/Raphael knew how the feelings Tsumugi/Michael felt would hurt him on the long run but he didn’t know what to do about it until it was too late, the regrets and the way Raphael voices his frustrations.... Tasuku struggles to be honest without acting (Tasuku pls i love you) but having such a role really help him expressing all he feels about Tsumugi and i’m HHHH this is so good so so good!!! but yeah i also love that Tasuku finally manages to actually compliment Tsumugi naturally, that he understands he can’t let him destroys himself again and it’s just gnhhhhh Tasuku is so kind and considerate and i care about him so much....!!!

5) Fifth: “i’m losing my mind a little” winter mood, winter mood winter mood- (though every troupe’s mood tbh but Winter is gnhhhhh kdhd hdhjf??? you feel me) (i am BIASED i can’t help it TwT) but yeaH i’m looking forward to see how you react to the others plays because the roller coaster juST BEGUN!!!

Onto part 2... Winter Troupe Chapter Feels... 2!

6) Sixth: DLFJDFKLDF HISOKAAAAAAAAAA I LOVE HIM SO MUCHHHHH. Hisoka crying fucked me up so bad!! so so bad!! Like on my first read i didn’t know what to think of him as he starts out very apathic to his troupe and then the more it goes on the more you can feel he starts to open up and i’m soft for this sort of slow burn, but then this whole scene happened and it HIT ME IN THE FACE, he was crying, i was crying, we were all crying, the Unopening Door opened a flood of emotions i can’t cope with. He sounds SO VULNERABLE during that scene and i know all of the Winter Troupe united on “taking care of him” but that’s really the moment i went “i care you and i will keep taking care of you” and look at me now. Thanks funky little scene for ruining my life. I’m glad you liked it i’m aldhjflkjdfkd Hisokaaaaa.....

7) Seventh: I am not commenting on the theory but 👀 that’s so highly specific your friend has a galaxy brain i love it. and i love the idea of “well we have yakuza and supernatural entity what’s an assassin adding himself to it” dLKFJDLKF i know everyone in Mankai calls Izumi out everytime someone joins but that’d be peak. I’m not going further about what December and August and April are all about but i love this plotline sO much, the few mentions of August when Hisoka regained his memories for a minute still haunts me, the guilt he seems to feel and this pain i’m just... godddd such a good set up. I love this plotline.

8) Eigth: EMOTIONS!! Oh GOD YEAH THE ENDING WITH ALL THE OTHER ACTORS... I cried so hard it’s just. It really shows you it’s not just the culmination of the Winter chapter but of all the act 1 main plot and it really makes you feel how much of a journey you’ve been onto!! A3 is so good at showing you the growth of its characters that especially by the end of Winter you really saw how all of them grew in their respective chapters and how cozy they felt in their new home in the remaining chapters, and the fact this chap has those defining character arc’s lines really drive home “oh my god that was a journey” i love them sO MUCH....

9) Ninth: wE WOOOON!!! They’re all so good i just. i’m gonna cry just thinking about it dlfdjlfk i know like, the game has so many content so you know it can’t end at the end of Winter but the suspense really was there. BUT YEAH LMAO I LOVE SAKYO DOING THAT IMMEDIATLY, man sure has the eyes on the prize and we love him for that. AND THE GAME NIGHT SCENE they are all sO CUTE and sWEET and they’re a family now and i’m hHHHHH i love a3 a normal healthy amount that isn’t just making me cry thinking about how all of them grew so close even through mixed troupes.

10) Tenth: I am SO happy you were satisfied with the plot so far!! I’m genuinely so happy that you decided to take that journey with us and that you shared all of this with me, and i’m so so happy you liked it!! There is still so much content and all of it is so worth it!

11) Eleventh: Yes!! The flair conversations are all readable on the Mini-Chat tab! So they’re easily accessible and they’re sorted in a way that’s easy to read so you can feel comfortable skipping the flairs if you want until you have seen the stories the flairs are all about. They’re all kinda set during the rehearsals (except for some crosstroupe conversation that wouldn’t make sense if they were like how the Summer Troupe talks with the Spring Troupe in their Flairs DKLFJDF but it’s okay what is a timeline anyway) so some of them are set pre-development and it’s wild to get back to them. I love rereading Flairs i get emotional everytime.

ANND That’s it for this ask! i had a blast reading through your thoughts and i’m so happy and excited!! i’ll send you the drive now so you can start digging through it whenever you feel like it :3c good luck grinding for act 2, meanwhile i hope you’ll have fun with all the act 1 events i compiled for you!!

(side note i need to update the drive too but it’s mostly act 2 content anyway, the only two act 1 things i need to update on it is Sakuya’s birthday card i think?? i think Itaru’s is already in act 2 so i’ll try to get around to it eventually but it’s so far away anyway) (edit: i forgot that the three cards i got for the latest revival are from act 1 DLKJFD okay so i’m missing three cards -)

The drive has backstages and event stories and it may be a lot and overwhelming ahah. Focus on the event stories for the plot and go back to the backstages whenever you feel like it, no need to read them at the same time, unless you want to in which case everything is set up for you :3c and there’s a file with cards that aren’t associated to events too so... lots of goodies hanging around. I’ll send it to you in DM ;O

Take care and thank you so much for all your thoughts! my inbox remains wide opened for any others thoughts you may have as you go further into it :3c

#ichafantalks a3 #i love the winter troupe SO MUCH it's unreal this ask made me cry i was just LDKJFDLK WINTER!!!!!!!#i love your thoughts so much thank you for all of it <33 #sonnets-of-beauty #ichareply #long post for ts

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onceuponastory · 4 years

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Coming Back Home Chapter Two: I Am A Heart

“I am a heart that’s hard to pin, You are an arrow sticking in” - hey ocean!: i am a heart

Read Chapter One: Hometown here!

Plot: Six years ago, Y/N left her hometown and all its bad memories behind, and never looked back. But now, she’s come back to be the maid of honour in her sister’s wedding. Returning ‘home’ means she has to confront her past, the last thing she wants to do. When she meets the handsome best man Nick, she feels more comfortable…until her sister asks her to show Nick around town…a town that Y/N fell out of love with a long time ago.

Can Y/N fall back in love with the town she left behind, and maybe find love of her own along the way? Important: This story is based on a prompt by @orphicodysseywrites. It’s a mix of prompts one and two from this post, so full credit for this idea goes to them! Warnings: There’s a few mentions of death in this chapter. If you’re sensitive to it and don’t want to read this chapter because of it, I totally understand <3 A/N: This is a very long chapter, almost 2,500 words long, so I hope you all enjoy it, lmao. As always, this chapter has been checked for errors, but if you see any pls do let me know. I’m going to be inactive this coming week, because I’m taking a little staycation to a place with very limited wifi, so if you send me a message/request, it might take me a while to respond. But I will respond ASAP! I will also be trying to work on chapter three/other stuff whilst I’m away, but I REALLY need this break, so pls don’t get mad if I don’t write anything.

Again, special thanks goes to my best friend Jo, aka @thesundrop, who made this banner, and helped so much with planning this fic. Some of you may know her as @staticscreenwriting, where she writes Billy fics. Check them out, they’re amazing!

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Nick or his character! I just used Nick bc he’s the only character of Dacre’s that fits this prompt. Again, aside from Nick being in this, this fic has NOTHING to do with The Broken Hearts Gallery. But you should all go see the movie if you can, because it’s adorable!

Adjusting my hair and outfit in the mirror for what felt like the hundredth time, I sigh. “You look fine, stop adjusting your outfit...” I tell myself. “Nick’s not going to care how you look....right?” God, I’m a mess. Putting on yet more lipgloss, Jane’s voice echoes in my mind.

“Both of you look so much like your mother. Especially you Y/N.” She was right, I did. Not that I had many memories of how my mother looked when she was still alive, but hours spent leafing through stacks of photo albums with my Nana and Katie when we were younger had made me more familiar with her and how she looked. She was gorgeous. I wish we had more time with her. If we had, our lives would be very different...and I would never have come to this town in the first place. Suddenly, I feel stinging sensation at my eyes. Aaaaand I’m crying. Great. Just what I fucking needed. A knock sounds at my door.

“Y/N? Are you alright? You’ve been up here a while.” Nick’s voice sounds through the door. No, THIS is just what I fucking needed. Shit. Now he’s going to think I’m a total emotional weirdo who doesn’t want to spend time with him. Not that that was a TOTAL lie, I did want to spend time with him....just anywhere but here. Oh, he’s going to hate me. “If you’re not feeling well or something’s come up, we could do this another time?” Nick continues, and I sigh again. He’s so sweet. I can’t let him down. Quickly trying to stop the tears from falling, I open the door, and Nick smiles. “Hi. You look great.” I immediately blush.

“Thanks...Oh! So do you!” I gasp, trying not to seem awkward.

“Thank you.” Nick chuckles. He looks at me closer, and his eyebrows furrow together. “Are you okay? Have you been crying?” He asks.

“Uh, no! It’s just...allergies.” I lie. “The dust in this house is terrible. So...shall we head out?” I ask, and Nick nods. The two of us walk downstairs.

“Byeeee you two! Have fun!” Katie’s voice calls from the living room. Oh, I’m sure I will.

“So, what do you wanna do?” Nick asks as the two of us leave the house.

“I don’t mind. I mean, we could go to the park, or for a coffee....or just, a walk in the woods?” I suggest. “Actually, maybe not the woods. There may be an axe murderer, or the big bad wolf or something.” I immediately cringe as soon as the words leave my mouth, and Nick laughs. Oh god, he’s laughing at me and how cringy I am.

“I mean, I didn’t personally think of that, but that’s a valid concern. I think we should take the park then.” He says, and I nod. “This way?” He points towards the town, and I nod. He sets off, leaving me standing there.

Well, that went better than expected. Oh right, I better go catch up with him.

“So, how long did you two live here?” Nick asks as we both walk closer into town.

“Um, about...sixteen years.” I work out the maths in my head. “We moved here when I was four, and Katie was two. We both left to go to college.”

“Oh! I thought this was where you guys were born.”

“Nooo, we just call it our hometown cause we’ve lived here from such a young age. At this point, it feels like our hometown. We’re actually from New York City, and we both moved back there for college. I live there full time now. Katie’s in New Jersey.” I explain.

“Oh, what a coincidence! I live in New York too.” Nick smiles. “Small world, right?” I nod. “So, if you don’t mind me asking, why did your parents pick here to move? This place is nice and all, but it’s a lot different than New York.” He asks. A memory flashes through my mind.

“What the hell do you expect me to do? I can’t look after them! This shithole is the best option, and you know it.” I shudder, hoping Nick doesn’t notice.

“Um....just personal circumstances really. Our Dad wanted a change of pace and scenery for us. He thought the city was too busy for us to grow up in.” Nick nods, and I breathe a sigh of relief. Another crisis averted. I look up at the sky and see the leaves on the trees. Some were bright orange, whilst others were red. I sigh happily. “You gotta hand it to my sister, she picked one of the most beautiful times of year to get married.”

“Yeah, beautiful.” Nick mumbles, and I look back over at him to see him looking at me.

“What?” His eyes go wide.

“Nothing! Just agreeing with you!” He gasps, before continuing to walk. Okay, that was weird. I shrug it off and follow him down the street. After a while, we reach the park and begin to walk around together. The two of us are silent as we take in the scenery around us. The leaves crunch under our feet. I was right, this time of year really was beautiful. The cold wind blows, and I shiver. “Want my jacket?” Nick asks.

“No thanks, I’m okay.” I smile. But come on, giving a girl his jacket? That’s so cliché...and so damn cute.

“Want to go on the swings? That might warm you up a bit.” He suggests. Another memory enters my mind.

“When’s he coming back?” I ask, tugging on her skirt. “I miss him.

“...Soon, sweetheart. He’ll be back soon. Why don’t you go and play on the swings and I’ll come over and give you a push in a minute?” She suggests, and I nod vigorously.

“Okay! See you in a minute!” I call, running towards the swings.

“Yeah, sure. Let’s go on the swings.”

~~~

A few hours later, Nick and I were in the local coffee shop, chatting about everything from our interests to our time at college. “So when do you want to practise our big dance number?” Nick asks, taking a sip of his coffee. I sigh.

“Oh right, I forgot we’re meant to plan that at some point.” Nick chuckles. “So, what song do you want to pick?” Nick shrugs.

“It’s up to you, I’m okay with whatever.” I raise an eyebrow.

“Really? I don’t think Katie would be happy if we picked something like Baby Got Back to dance to.” Nick bursts out laughing.

“You’re right. But it would be funny. Any suggestions?” I shake my head.

“I mean there’s so many...maybe something slow? Or something more upbeat?”

“Well we have some time, so why don’t we each make a list and pick one?” He offers. I nod. “You know, I had a really nice time today...” Nick begins. I smile.

“Me too.” And I actually meant it. Despite how much I was dreading this, it went better than I expected. My phone rings, and I take it out of my bag. “Hey, Katie...Yes, I know...Okay, I’ll be back soon. Bye.” I hang up.

“Everything alright?” Nick asks.

“Sorry, turns out I’m urgently needed for some maid of honour duties, so I gotta go. Are you okay here, or do you wanna walk back to the house with me?” Nick waves me off.

“No, don’t worry, you go on. I need to take care of something in town anyways. See you later.”

“Bye, Nick.” I leave the coffee shop, and start the walk back to the house, almost feeling a spring was in my step. For the first time since being back here, I was happy. I was comfortable. And it was all thanks to Nick. I soon reach Nana’s house and walk inside. “Helloooo!” I call.

“Well, someone sounds happy.” Katie’s voice sounds from the living room. She comes out to greet me. “Oh. My. God. Look at the smile on your face!” She gasps.

“I had a great time with Nick today.” I explain.

“I can see that. Guess my big sister has the hots for the best man, huh?” She teases. My eyes widen.

“No, I don’t!” My cheeks flush.

“Mhm sure. Deny it all you want, I can tell. Anyway, come on you, we need to make the centrepieces.” I wasn’t in love with Nick. I may love spending time with him, but I absolutely was NOT in love with him.

~~~

That Night

"We are here today to honour the life of Rose L/N.” The priest begins. “She was a light in the lives of many, especially her two granddaughters, Y/N and Katie, who she is survived by. For most of their lives, she was also their guardian.”

“He’s not here.” Katie whispers in my ear. I discretely roll my eyes.

“Of course he isn’t. He stopped caring a long time ago.” I reply. I find her hand beside mine and give it a squeeze. “We have to be strong together now, like she said. It’s just us now.”

My eyes open, and I look around the room for a moment to get my bearings. I’m still in my childhood bedroom. It was just a dream. A dream featuring our past. A past I had tried to run from. Of course, it found a way to find me again. It has a funny way of doing that. My eyes drift over to the bedside table, displaying a picture of Katie and I with our Nana from many years ago. I smile softly and run my fingers over the image. “I miss you, Nana. I wish you were still here. To guide me...to guide us.” Laying back on my pillows, I sigh and hold the picture close. “Maybe if you were still here, I wouldn’t be such a mess.”

~~~

One Week Later - Fifteen Days Until the Wedding

“I’m just saying, Cinderella continues to be the best live-action Disney adaptation. It’s faithful to the story, the costumes are great, and it’s just so cute!” I exclaim, trying to stifle a yawn in the process. I was still having nightmares and barely sleeping. Thankfully, I was managing to hide it well, and nobody suspected anything. If they did, I could just lie and say I was up late working on bachelorette party plans and lost track of time. Nick laughs. “What?”

“I love that this is what you’re passionate about.” He grins.

“Well, I’m absolutely right.” I tell him, and he nods.

“Oh, absolutely.” I had a feeling that he had no idea what I was talking about, which was usually the case. But he agreed with me anyway, which I appreciated. Despite all my nightmares and bad memories, spending almost every day with Nick was helping me feel happier, and far more comfortable. It also took my mind off of my nightmares from the previous night. Nick was lovely, and I actually felt upset whenever we had to go back to the house. The fact he was gorgeous helped too, of course. Before I can say anything else, I suddenly spot the town’s bakery and walk over to the window.

“Look at all these cakes.” I smile. “Oh my god, those cupcakes still look delicious.” I state, staring through the window at them. “My Nana used to bring Katie and me here every Friday after school, and we’d each get a cupcake. I always chose the birthday cake ones, cause it felt like we had a birthday celebration every week.” I smile fondly. “It’s one of my favourite memories of her.”

“Do you want one?” Nick asks, causing me to look over at him. “Seriously, do you want one?” He repeats, taking out his wallet. “They do look amazing. And after all, today is Friday. Can’t waste traditions.” He smiles, and his smile almost makes my heart do backflips.

“Seriously?” I ask.

“Seriously.” Nick opens the door of the bakery. I hear the wind-chimes over the door sound as we both walk in, just like they did all those years ago. The smell of baking is everywhere, filling me with a sense of comfort.

“Oh god, I remember this smell. It’s so...familiar.” I whisper to myself, closing my eyes. In that moment, I feel like I’m a little kid spending time with my Nana again. But when I open my eyes, I’m back to my real life, and the nostalgia is gone.

“I’m coming, just give me a few minutes!” Someone calls from through the back of the bakery.

“Opal?” I ask. Opal was the owner of the bakery...at least when I still lived in Saint Chase. Like Jane, she was friendly and welcoming, and every customer was her friend. She always used to sneak Katie and I samples of her new loaves of bread and cakes before we went to school in the mornings. If we liked them, they stayed. She always called us her honorary business partners. Of course, now I know she probably said that to every kid who wandered in, but it made kid me feel great.

“That’s my name, don’t wear- oh!” She gasps, immediately retreating back through the door she came from. Nick and I give each other a confused look. Rose returns a few moments later, carrying a small cake.“Katie! You look so different from the last time I saw you. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!” She grasps my hand and shakes it vigorously, then does the same to Nick’s hand. “Want to see a preview of the cake? This is in no way finished, but it’s just a small sample of the real thing.”

“Oh no, I-”

“We’re not-” Nick and I begin, but Opal ignores us.

"You two are going to just love it.”

“Opal! I’m not Katie!” I insist. She gasps, and her eyes go wide. “Katie is my sister. This is Nick. He’s the best man.”

“Oh my goodness, I am so sorry.” Her face goes red. Nick and I reassure her that it’s okay. “Anyway, what can I get you?” Nick and I order our cupcakes, and she rings them up for us. Nick opens his wallet to pay for them, but Opal shakes her head. “No, please, these are on me. Count it as an apology...Seriously. I’m so sorry about the mixup.”

“Well, thank you!″ Nick smiles, taking the cakes and walking towards the door.

“Y/N...” Opal beckons me in closer, and I lean in. “I just have to say, you two are adorable together. I’m still sorry for my mistake, but honestly, you two look like a great couple.”

“We’re not-”

“Everything okay?” Nick asks.

“Oh! Yeah. Opal just wanted to ask me when we’re picking up the wedding cake.” I lie, giving Opal a pointed look. She nods vigorously. “Come on, let’s go. Bye Opal.” I say quickly, walking towards the door. She waves goodbye to us as we leave the store. Once we’re outside, Nick passes over my cake, taking a bite of his.

“Oh. My. God.” He moans happily. “That’s incredible.”

“Right?” I agree, taking a bite of mine. “It’s just as good as I remember.” Nick starts laughing at me again, and my eyes widen. “What? Did I say something weird?”

“You have icing on your face.” He responds. Of course I do. I’m a walking cliché, honestly. “Actually, you know what? I don’t care. This cake is that good.” I take another bite. “And besides, so do you.”

~~~

Later That Day

“That one looks like a dog.”

“A dog? No way. It looks like a hamster.”

“How the fuck does it look like a hamster?” Nick frowns.

“How the fuck does it look like a dog?” I respond, raising my eyebrow. Nick laughs. The two of us had finished eating our cupcakes (and wiped our faces), and were back in the park, drinking coffee and trying to see if we could tell what shape the clouds were.

“Guess we gotta agree to disagree.” I smile. “Even though I’m totally right.”

“Of course you are.” He says sarcastically, and I gasp in mock annoyance. But I don’t detect any malice from his comment...well, I hoped he wasn’t actually annoyed with me or anything, but he didn’t seem to be. Like I said before, I felt comfortable with Nick. Even though we had met a week ago, it felt like the two of us could joke with each other to our hearts content, neither meaning anything bad by it. It was weird how close we were, despite not knowing each other for that long. “Uh, Nick?” I ask, looking up again.

“Mhm?”

“Do those ones look like rain clouds, or is that just me?”

“I think you’re right, it’s-” The heavens open before he can even finish his sentence. “Oh god, okay, come on, I saw a bike shed or something over there, we can hide out there until it stops.” Nick tells me, quickly taking his jacket off and throwing it at me.

“What’s this for?!” I ask.

“What do you think it’s for?! It’s to hold over our heads!” Nick shouts. “Now come on, let’s go.” He holds out his hand, and I take it. He pulls me up. “Ready to run?” He asks. I nod. The two of us begin running through the park, holding Nick’s jacket over our heads with one hand each. We laugh as we run, trying to avoid slipping on the damp leaves or falling over. We soon reach the shelter, and Nick and I jump under it. The shelter is small, so our bodies are pressed up close against each other. I’m aware of the scent of his cologne again. Nick’s body is warm against mine as he wraps the jacket around my shoulders.

“You don’t have to give me your jacket.” I protest, but he insists.

“Don’t be silly. What would your sister say if I made her maid of honour catch a cold?” He asks.

“The same thing she’d say if the best man caught a cold.” I reply, trying to take the jacket off. Nick reaches out, gently placing his hands on my arms, stopping me. It feels like electricity runs up my arms as he touches them.

“Y/N, don’t worry about it. Honestly.” The two of us stand there, Nick still holding onto my arms. But it feels good. It feels...right. Nick keeps looking at me.

“Do I still have some icing on my lips?” I ask. Nick shakes his head.

“God, you’re so beautiful.” He mumbles loud enough for me to hear. Whether I was supposed to hear it or not, I wasn’t sure. Nick leans closer to me, and my brain immediately goes:

“He’s going to kiss me. Oh my god, he’s going to kiss me. Do I even want him to kiss me?” And I realise that...I think I do want him to kiss me. Nick’s head moves closer to mine, and my head rises up to meet his. But just as our lips are about to touch, my phone rings, causing us to break apart. Dammit. I take my phone out, seeing Katie’s name flash on the screen. She always has the best timing. “Hey Katie. What’s up? ...Yeah it’s raining really badly. Yeah, a lift back would be great. We’re at the park. Okay, see you soon. Love you too. Bye.” Hanging up, I sigh. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Nick responds. However, despite him saying that, it still felt like the air around us had changed. It wasn’t like we could go back to where we left off either, because everything felt awkward now.

Shit.

~~~

That Night

“Be good for your Daddy, okay Y/N?” She bends down and presses a kiss to my forehead. I nod. “I know I can trust you to help him look after your sister, right?”

“Of course, Mommy!” She grins, and pulls me in for a tight squeeze.

“There’s my smart girl. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” I nod again.

“Have fun, Mommy!” I call, as she walks out of the door. And then, she was gone. The image changes into something else. “Daddy? Where’s Mommy? Why are you crying?” He blinks rapidly and bends down to my eye level.

“Mommy’s had to go, sweetie.” He explains.

“But...but where? She was meant to take me to kindergarten!” He looks away from me.

“I’m sorry. Your mommy’s an angel...she’s not coming back.”

Gasping, I sit up in bed again, looking around the room. My heart is racing. “It’s just a bad dream...Just a bad dream...” I tell myself, trying desperately to calm myself down. Getting out of bed, I cross over to the window, trying to ignore my shaking hands, and peek out at the night sky. Rows and rows of trees disappear into the darkness. “It’s not real. She died almost twenty years ago. It’s just a bad dream.” Clenching my fists, I furiously wipe at my eyes. "Dammit!” I curse.

I hadn’t had nightmares about the death of our mother in at least fifteen years. I thought I was finally getting better. Of course, life had other ideas. “I knew I should never have fucking come back here.” I hiss. That’s why still had bad dreams, because I was back here. I should’ve said no and ran when I had the choice. No, no, that’s stupid. Of course I couldn’t have said no. I could never let Katie down. God knows life let us down enough times already. No, I need to stop blaming the town for my problems. It’s my fault. I thought I was ready and healed, but obviously, I’m not. God, I need a drink.

Trying to be as quiet as possible, I leave my room and tiptoe downstairs to the kitchen, using my phone torch as a light source. Once I reach the kitchen and flash my light into the room, I almost jump out of my skin when I see a figure sitting at the kitchen table.

“Hey, I- Y/N?” Nick blinks his eyes, clearly startled by the bright light of my phone.

“Jesus Christ Nick! I thought you were a fucking murderer!” I gasp. He frowns.

“A murderer...who sits at the kitchen table? Anyway, why are you up so late? It’s like 2am!” I switch the light on.

“I could ask you the same thing. Why are you here scaring the life out of me at 2am?” He holds up some paper.

“Best man’s speech. I had a stroke of genius and decided to write some of it.”

“In the middle of the night? In the darkness? And people say I’m weird.” Nick chuckles. I cross over to the cupboards and get out some mugs to make tea. “Want some tea?” I ask, and he nods.

“Anyway, you didn’t answer my question. What brings you here at this hour?”

“Oh I just love hanging out with men in kitchens at 2am, didn’t Katie tell you?” I tease, filling the kettle and putting it on to boil. Nick laughs. I can’t tell him the truth. Then he would think I was weird. “But seriously. Couldn’t sleep.” I mean, that wasn’t a total lie. Nick didn’t have to know the truth. “How’s the speech going?”

“Ehhh?” Nick responds. I turn back to him and raise an eyebrow. “Not well.”

“I can tell.” The kettle finishes boiling, and I pour the water into the mugs. “But I’m here now, so you have an extra person to help you.”

~~~

One Hour Later

“Y/N...Y/N?” I hear someone whispering. Is someone....nudging me? I look up. Why was my head on the table? I notice that Nick has scooted closer to me. Is he the one nudging me?

“Mmm, Nick...whashappenin?” I mumble.

“You fell asleep.” He explains. I shoot up in my seat and rub my eyes.

“What?!” I gasp. “Why didn’t you wake me up?! I was meant to be helping you with your speech!”

“It’s alright, don’t worry.” Nick reassures me. “You looked really tired, so I thought I’d let you sleep. You sure you’re okay?” He asks. Before I can say anything in response, I yawn. “Guess that answers my question. I think you should go to bed.” I shake my head.

“Nope. I’m not....” I cut myself off with another yawn. Nick gives me a look. “...Okay, maybe I’m a little bit tired.” I admit.

“Mhm. Come on, let’s get you to bed.” He helps me up. I protest, but he continues to do so. “Y/N, trust me. You need some sleep. You’ll thank me later.” I realise he’s probably right. So, I let him lead me upstairs and into my bedroom, his hand resting on the small of my back. “So uh....can you take care of yourself from here?” He asks. I chuckle softly and nod.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. Thanks Nick.” I smile. “Goodnight.”

“Night Y/N.”

~~~

The Next Morning - Thirteen Days Until the Wedding

“You invited Great Aunt Hilda? Seriously? All she’s going to do is talk about her cats.”

“That’s why she’s sitting with you. At least you’ll have something in common.” Katie jokes. I jokingly punch her in the arm. “Hey!” She laughs. The two of us were spending the day arranging seating charts and finalising the seating plan. So far, it was all going well, and we managed to make it fun. “Oh, god.” Katie wrinkles her nose. “I forgot both Uncle Chris and Aunt Pamela said yes, AND they’re bringing plus ones. That’s gonna be rough.”

“I’m sure it’ll be okay. Didn’t they get divorced like three years ago?” I ask.

“Yeah, but I don’t think Aunt Pam’s gonna be a fan of his plus one....” She raises her eyebrows suggestively.

“Oh right, he dumped her for his secretary, the one with the big boobs, didn’t he? Are they still together?”

“Yuuuup. She’s the plus one.”

“Better sit those two as far away from each other as possible then...” I mumble, trying to arrange the tables on my side of the chart as best as I can. Studying the rest of the little figures representing people, I frown, seeing one I haven’t seen before. One I definitely did not expect to see. I pick it up, and my eyes go wide. “Uh, Katie?”

“Mhm?”

“...Why does our Dad have a seating place?”

#dacre montgomery #dacre x reader #dacre montgomery fanfic #dacre montgomery fic #nick x reader #coming back home fic

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