#bastard food

[basuralindo]

Hey I'm dropping a crepe recipe because there's still people around who think they're hard to make and I'm sick of french food being romanticized to the point of inaccessibility.

I call this a 3-2-1 method to make it easy to remember; 3 eggs, 2 cups water/fluid of choice, 1 cup flour.

I'm sparing you the obligatory backstory on my path to cooking extremely flat pancakes because we both know that neither of us care. If you want to hear me overshare check my blog between 1-4am pacific time.

•Anyway, start with three eggs and beat with a fork until they're all one color (you can use a whisk or an egg beater but I hate the extra steps. Fork it):

•Add 1 cup flour:

•Add whatever dry flavoring you want (I usually go with cinnamon and cardamom, today we're doing matcha cause that happens to be what I'm cooking. Some mornings caffeine is meant to be eaten):

•Add sugar to taste if desired. It's not necessary for the recipe, and if you've managed to add enough to throw off the consistency you've got other shit to worry about, so follow your heart. I usually use like two tablespoons or so (I prefer brown, but white tastes better with matcha):

•Decide on your fluid of choice. Water and/or milk is the usual, but you can do literally whatever you want; hot cocoa, coffee, tea, soda -whatever you want them to taste like. Go nuts with it. Use soup if you want idgaf it's between you and your chosen god at this point. I recommend starting with 2 cups for simplicity, but you can add more if needed for the right consistency. At this point I just eyeball it tbh.

•Add a little at a time and start mixing until it's as smooth as you can get (this is also where you'd add wet flavorings, like vanilla extract):

•Add the rest until the batter is roughly the consistency of heavy whipping cream, or like thin tomato soup (if you actually ran with the soup joke, add a little water to thin it out). Just get it to where it's still a little viscous but will run if you pour it on the pan:

•For best results cover and let it sit in the fridge overnight or for a few hours (it will separate a little, just mix it again). For last minute "I forgot to prep this last night but I really want crepes" results, we're putting it aside while I wash dishes and heat up the pan.

•Ladle out like ¼ cups worth onto a hot lubricated pan (butter or cooking oil, medium heat) and swirl it until it coats the bottom. Don't stress if it looks like shit the first few times, that's what practice is for, add a little more fluid if it's not spreading well:

•cook until the top is no longer wet and edges start to lighten:

•Flip it with either a very flat spatula or sheer hubris (spatula recommended for beginners), and cook for like 45 seconds (I have no sense of time), then slide it onto a plate:

•Top with whatever you want and try whatever folds/rolls you saw in that one show that made you think these were cool.

Go forth, have fun, eat well.

(if you want an even easier method with only mild sacrifice to quality: mix a couple eggs and some extra fluid into your leftover pancake batter and leave it in the fridge for the next morning)

#cooking #crepes #recipes #crepe recipe #crêpes #breakfast #food #dessert #brunch #probably don't use soup but who am i to stop you #baking #i guess #trash talk #bastard food

[britcision]

Hey when you move out on your own the most important food tip I can give you is “maybe you don’t hate x maybe your guardians just cooked it wrong”

The number of foods I have learned I really like if they’re Fucking Seasoned

The number of foods I’ve introduced friends to that they warned me they’d always hated til I let them try a piece of mine

Also marinade things for 24 hours the second you have your own fridge it is a GAME CHANGER you thought you knew food but you have never met her

#food tips #food #usually pork #you can’t just fry pork plain #it’s fucking boring #no #even just the tiniest bloop of teriyaki #a teaspoon of lea and perrins #or my preferred bastard mix: honey garlic honey mustard teriyaki bbq lea and perrins #leave it in that bitch overnight #i did a 48 hour marinade once and OH MY FUCKING GID #i wish i had energy to do it every day

[asteroidtroglodyte]

It’s crazy how there’s so much misinformation about Food. The thing we need all the time. Arguably the point of getting up each day. Fucking food. You’d think educating our young on this central component of life would be the sort of thing we’d teach them as kids, but nooo, I have to go reading up on zookeeping techniques for keeping and feeding large primates in captivity to get a straight fucking answer about carbon and phosphorus sourcing instead of a bunch of pseudoscience or fatphobia or classism or racism or just good old fashioned taboos! [Chews furniture] HOW DO YOU DEMONIZE THE POTATO

#food #vent #rant #i now feel like both the zookeeper and the exhibit #nutrition #seriously though how did we demonize the potato #ungrateful bastards

[solarockk]

My beautifull princess with a disorder <3

#dungeon meshi #marcille donato #fanart #artist on tumblr #digital art #shes sooooooooooo skrunkly #dungeon meshi manga spoilers #ive speedrun reading this manga ngl #ive even started eating foods i dont like because of senshi💀 #everytime someone cooks something i dont like like im like fuuuuuuuuuk senshi WOULD be disappointed in me #and if that bastard cat (izutsumi) (lovingly) can start eating pies with veggies i can eat pepper and sausages #i wont like it! but by god ill do it #sol art #also the dungeon master outfit slays #it was very fun reading dungeon meshi while my friend was playing fear and hunger #perfect balance. unstoppable force vc unmovable object #this was in clip studio btw it was supposed to be a sketch but uuuuhhhhhhhhh my hand slipped

[the-meme-monarch]

happy halloween(november 14) there’s a spider in my candy

#i have my candy separated into little baggies by Genre. this one was the ‘chocolate covered’ one. little bastard is after my kitkat #words from the monarch #bugs #food mention #ask to tag

[envy-of-the-apple]

I just saw vid of a baby(new born?) snake thats trying to bite the hand that holds them and its soo. CUTE. It made me remember top of the food chain. Snakes gobble their whole food in one go right? I saw comments how theyre admirable(and cute) attempting to bite more than they could swallow; it can be attributed to them being babies and never having any grasp of control to their instincts and goshh its just so darn cutee! You find yourself 3 kids nibbling and mouthfully gnawing to their jaw, with their gums where they can get you, at the same time. And when they grow up and has self consciousness, theyll still find themselves instinctively doing it but it kinda hurts now because they have nub teeth thats still pack some pain, and the way they apologize is by rubbing their heads and constantly whisking their tongue out so they can gouge your emotions and you just return it by comforting them 🏵️

I now wonder if stsg, adult nagas as they are, would have that urge to YOU? I bet satoru would never hold himself around you compared to his other mate

The hatchlings, within their infancy, have tried to eat you. It's Yuji who is the main culprit; it takes a while for him to figure out you're not food. Satosugu come back to the cave with him chomping on your finger and you're gently trying to tug him off going 'he won't let go pls help'.

Suguru helps get him off you. Satoru will keep laughing.

#even as a snake man #hes a bastard #love him #yandere satosugu #dark satosugu #jjk naga au #top of the food chain

[see-arcane]

After reading and watching several adaptations, I have come to the conclusion that Quincey gets much more respect than Jonathan. Yes he appears much less, but he gets his heroic sacrifice when he does instead of getting bastardised. Three times I have seen him be the one who kills Dracula without Jonathan. In two of those he has the kukri.

Also idk if vampire Quincey is underappreciated, there is a novel all about him.

And in this one Jonathan is revealed to have been a cowardly cheater all along.

You know. Sometimes I think I might be going too overindulgent with my Harker Horrors and lavishing of attention on my favorite special little haunted gothic heroine lad.

And then I get lovely reminders like these that not only am I not being indulgent, I have to actively burn every daydream of an inhibition I have as a writer to unfuck 126 years' worth of doing the whole cast dirty, but Jonathan Harker the absolute worst.

#in all ways but physical I am ripping the Harkers out of the hands of the directors and writers #who came before me #setting those hands on fire #and running into the sunset of self-gratifying undiluted literary junk food #if people get to wipe their rancid ice-cold take Barely Skimmed the Wikipedia (of the Movie) fanfiction of these characters on the world #I get to do whatever I damn well please #jonathan harker #I will torment the hell out of you buddy #but I refuse to gut your character while I do it #dracula #my writing #adaptation #spinoff #bastardization

[ferretwhomst]

shakes them around in my hand and THROWS them

#rick and morty #gravity falls #rick sanchez #stan pines #is this ship art? are they just being buddies? these are legitimate questions. #truth is? idrc. up for interpretation #i'll tag it as stanchez tho because god knows the poor bastards in that tag need some food/j #stanchez #ferret's art

[nonokoko13]

SPOILERS MANGA CHAPTER 3: OCTAVINELLE

OMG THIS YUU IS SO SO CUTE!!!!!!

LOOK AT HIM/THEM. ADORABLE. I WANNA HUG HIM/THEM 💖💖💖

Edit: Apparently his name is Yuuta, 16 yo. Maybe his surname is Mito, from what I heard in Reddit. I also read there that his family owns a Chinese restaurant, until you have better sources or find where it says that yourselves don't take it as official.

#twst manga #twisted wonderland #manga spoilers #episode of octavinelle #he/they look sweet and altruistic unlike the octa bastards #also I'm starting to see a pattern here: #Yuuken: Tall & physically strong // Riddle: short % not known for his achievements in PE #Leona: An ass with everyone except for women. Fear them a bit bc in his homeland they are strong asf #// Yuuka: a girl strong asf (probably? Idk I still have to finish that chapter but she seems pretty strong to me) #Now Azul: bullied by his fatness and ashamed of his past appearance // This Yuu: fat. Either proud or okay with it? #Or maybe when Yuu was younger was also bullied so both understand each other but unlike Azul they/he accepted himself instead of changing? #it's like whoever's Yuu is the opposite of the OB student but similar in some way #twst theory #EDIT: Another difference. This yuu may like eating savory/sweet food instead of restraining themselves. Like no diets whatsoever #all of this is just speculation tho #yuuta mito

[insomniacirl]

Hc that; Gill can cook fish and seafood mostly (for obvious reasons), Chip has certain meals he can make super well and he picks up cooking pretty quick- and Jay's really good at making warm home-cooked meals, but for herself usually she'd just survive on the basics like-

'Have you eaten Jay? Or were you too busy tinkering on that thing-'

'Shut up, man- I threw together a sandwich earlier.'

'Jay that is a chunk of uncut cheese and two pieces of basil on cold pita bread.'

#Jay Ferin doesn't like getting distracted #Gillion teaches them all to cook undersea dishes #Chip will gnaw at a plank of wood and then remember he owns actual food and the skills to make it #That's it. #That's the little headcanon. #JRWI #JRWI Riptide #The Riptide Pirates #Gillion Tidestrider #Chip Bastard #Jay Ferin #JRWI Chip #JRWI Gillion #JRWI Jay

[moonsun2010]

going nuts

#my art #dracula #dracula daily #jonathan harker #cw blood #these few entries onathan has been going unhinged food for him but on a serious note. gah its so wonderfully angsty. absolutely tragic that #this has happened. if i were him od actually die because the deathly fear of heights. #the imagery in this entry...obsessed. basilisk horror dracula with darker hair leeching off jonathans youth turned visual #the doing g Nothing and just smiling like a malicious bastard while bloodstained. ohh stoker damn this is good

[zombie-conga-line]

blueberry hat

#He play with his food #bastard man #lizard #blue tongue skink #reptile

[sezja]

Can we please bring the VIth Legion, trapped in Azys Lla, home to Garlemald or at the very least away from Azys Lla

#i always feel so specifically bad for these poor bastards #do they even know what's going on at home #are they able to get food?? #surely their rations have run out by now and the landmass they're stuck on only has mechanical things on it #are they able to use the teleporters to get to other islands to find things they could potentially hunt? #is it safe to eat the chimerical creatures of azys lla? #have the soldiers been reduced to cannibalism already just to stay alive? #they don't have a legatus anymore #i'm sure by now the chains of command have probably started to crumble pretty badly #the atmosphere is actively toxic to stay in for very long #LET THEM GO HOME.

[beanghostprincess]

Sanji has arachnophobia but like. The type of arachnophobia that makes you have panic attacks even if you only see a little, tiny spider around you. And I just know Usopp would love to have a pet spider. They go to an island and Usopp finds a hurt spider and takes care of it because of course he would, and decides to keep it because of course he would.

So, uh, Sanji doesn't like his boyfriend's pet. It's not like he's going to tell him, because what would he say to him? Sanji hasn't told him his fear of spiders is that bad (he definitely knows, though). And he doesn't want to get in between Usopp's excitement of keeping her. So the spider stays and at least Usopp is aware that Sanji doesn't like her, so he doesn't let her go close to him (she's very polite so it's okay).

But Usopp loves having her around. On his shoulder, his head, his hands-- The guy brings her with him everywhere. And the little thing is smart and somehow seems to understand what Usopp says. They're happy. It's cute. Luffy absolutely loves her. Robin is literally thrilled to study her behavior. And Sanji can't even look at her because he will start hyperventilating the second he notices her.

He'd try to get over his fear of her because Usopp wants them to get along but he won't force it on Sanji. Sanji just knows he wants them to be friends. The spider lives in Usopp's terrarium, which he keeps in his workshop, and so Sanji goes there without telling his boyfriend.

And he tries. He really, really tries. He's shaking when he sees her there, even if she's inside the terrarium. He's barely able to breathe when he tries to get her out of there. Again and again repeating the words Usopp constantly tells him "She's more afraid of you than you are of her" (which is bullshit, in Sanji's opinion) and "She only wants to be your friend! She likes you because I like you" (something extremely romantic but Sanji's brain doesn't process it that way).

He's about to call it a day and try to calm himself down before he actually stops breathing for good. But. You know. The terrarium is on the edge of the table that's already full of Usopp's stuff and the tablecloth is long and- And the terrarium falls and breaks and the spider ends on Sanji's foot-

He doesn't want to do it and it happens in instinct and regrets it immediately, but he kicks the spider. He doesn't know where she lands and he doesn't react immediately to it because he's too focused on trying to learn how to breathe again. He sits on the floor around broken glass and dirt and doesn't realize what he's done until he starts looking for her again. It's not even because of Usopp anymore. She's just a spider. She hasn't done anything but... Existing. She shouldn't be blamed for that. Even if Sanji is afraid of her.

Sanji looks around for her without getting up and finds her alive and well and crawling around avoiding the glass, but also trying to stay away from Sanji as much as possible. That breaks his heart because he might not know what she thinks the way Usopp does, but he knows when someone is scared.

At least she's okay. She's alright. That's a relief.

"I'm sorry, I-" He feels a bit stupid talking to her like this, but he knows she gets it. He hopes she does. "It's not you. You're- He loves you, okay? You're a good girl. I just- I just can't."

He feels his chest tightening when she approaches him ever so slowly, but he knows she won't do anything. His heart doesn't share the same sentiment, but he quiets it down. She looks almost apologetically as if she was the one reassuring Sanji and not the other way around. "It must be tiring." He holds his legs close to his chest to make space for her to walk next to his feet. He feels like he's about to pass out, but she's respectful. And nice. And kind of cute, even. And she's Usopp's. Sanji thinks she tilts her little head confusedly. Thinks, because he isn't quite sure if they do that. "It sucks, right? People being afraid of you all the time. I- I can't say I'm not scared but- But you haven't done anything wrong, little one."

She stays there and doesn't move much for a few seconds, until she ends up crawling up and resting on top of Sanji's shoe. The same way she does when she spends her time on Usopp's shoulder. Sanji isn't that afraid anymore. He's overwhelmed and exhausted and really, really anxious, but he trusts her. Somehow.

Sanji looks around the room, his heart clenching with blame. "I'm sorry- For your home. I'll build you a new one. Well. Not- Not me. I don't know how to. Usopp will. Shit, he'll hate me after this..." But before he can start dwelling on it, the spider moves a little on his leg. And It isn't as bad as he thought. If she's going to murder him in his sleep it's a bit deserved after all. But she won't. He hopes she won't. "You know, you're kind of cute." She tries to crawl up to his knee, but it makes him jump a little. "Don't- Not really ready for, like, upper body touching. Please?" And somehow, she listens and goes back to her position. "Damn, you can understand what I say, can you? Smart girl."

And she doesn't say anything, but Sanji takes it as a yes. Both because he likes talking to her and also because he doesn't want to feel so damn stupid.

A few hours later, Usopp goes back to his workshop and finds Sanji asleep on the floor, lucky he didn't touch any shards of glass, and the spider rests on his foot happily. Or at least it looks like that for Usopp.

He'll ask what happened later, for now, it's time to clean the mess without waking up his boyfriend. He's been brave enough for a day.

#i mean not really CANON but this is canon #i've talked about this before i know idc #i saw a spider today i thought about this #and also i have arachnophobia so sanji does too #'spiders can't be happy or empathetic to human-' i do not care she's my friend now #she loves her dads that's sanuso's child #please imagine a cute little cartoony spider #cutest thing ever. sanji makes her food for spiders with. idk. whatever spiders eat #honestly i know nothing about these little bastards i'm too afraid to look for info if i see a picture i'll start sobbing uncontrollably #sanji falls asleep talking to her bc being afraid and crying is exhausting #she can't sleep but she's there supporting protecting him yay #one piece #black leg sanji #usopp #sanuso

[cupophrogs]

Just a misunderstanding!

“Do you like my costume? Sally made it for me! She says it makes me look “ghoulish”!”

@theknifeclown I swear they didn’t mean to scare her! They were just a little sleepy and forgot to take the contacts out!

Full Ghoul Poppet scribble under the cut :)

Silly jester :)

#uhhhh late Halloween shit I guess lmao #Poppet fell give them a minute #and yes #they can miraculously fit their entire body in that teeny tiny box #comes in handy during spooky season #plenty of opportunity for scares :] #they refuse to scare Poppy though #not mama bird #girlie is scared enough as is #Poppet will ABOSLUTELY antagonize Howdy though #they’d hide amongst crates of food and pop out while he’s restocking #cheeky bastard/pos #silly they #phresties #phrart #art #character design #welcome home oc #welcome home #poppet spring #welcome home poppet #Halloween #ghoul poppet

[violetheart77]

Yeah, another one

(text post source)

#goddammit Tinky we talked about this 🤦🏼‍♀️ No More Food-Based Pranks! #you know FULL WELL what happened last time Nibbly got a hold of one of your ‘practical jokes’ MISTER! #time bastard #ted spankoffski #t’noy karaxis #t'noy karaxis #nightmare time #hatchetfield #hatchetverse #hatchetfield universe #starkid shitposts #starkid memes #text post meme #i write shitposts not tragedies #tw drug mention #tw drugs #tw drugging #tw food #tw hallucinations