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uwingdispatch · 2 years

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Every Embrace

Notes: Bodhi Rook/Gender Neutral Reader, disabled reader, everyone lives au, post-rebellion, hurt/comfort, domestic fluff, fluff and angst

CW: PTSD, chronic illness, disability, medical settings, implied sexual intimacy

Ao3 Link

★★★★★★★★

You don’t know many people who wear glasses. Most beings on Chandrila and other developed worlds undergo a simple surgery to correct their vision. But Bodhi—he had a particularly unpleasant experience with the Imperial surgeon who’d worked on his eyes at the academy, and he has no intention of ever having that kind of surgery again. Which means the goggles he wears for other mechanical work aren’t just a safety precaution—they now have prescription lenses. And if he needs to read anything, whether it’s his data pad or a cereal box, he needs glasses.

At the moment, Bodhi is frantically going through every drawer in the house. “Love,” he asks, “are you sure you didn’t move them?”

“I never touch your glasses,” you say. “Because of exactly this.”

He sighs. “I could have sworn I left them on the table in the living room.”

It occurs to you that Bodhi fell asleep reading on the sofa last night and had to be coaxed to get up and come to bed. After lifting a few cushions, you find not one but two pairs of specs in the sofa. You call his name and hold your findings up in front of you.

His smile brightens his whole face. “I was starting to feel a bit mad,” he says. “Where were they?”

“Couch cushions.”

Bodhi takes the lenses from you, puts one pair on the kitchen counter and one on his head, like he used to wear those welding goggles back during the war. You know based on your own experience with eye health, and the eye health of many of your peers, that one of these days your partner is going to find himself needing corrective lenses for more than just reading. As you watch him return to his task, hunched over the recipe he’d been trying to read, those glasses ever so slightly sliding down the bridge of his nose—you can’t help but think how handsome he looks.

“Good,” he says. “I added a few things to the grocery list, and I’ve sent it to Cilvie in case you two want to do that tomorrow.”

“Bodhi—”

“It’s fine if you don’t. I can take care of it after work.”

“We can probably go to the store tomorrow. But I need you to sit down. You haven’t stopped moving since you got home.”

Bodhi sighs, running a hand through his long, dark hair. “I’ve been trying not to think about it,” he says. “I just feel like…maybe I’m forgetting again.”

Every fiber of your being wants to run to him, but you know he needs to come to you. With his memory—he doesn’t talk about it if he doesn’t want to and you know not to pry.

So you sit on the couch, take a deep breath, close your eyes. And when you open them, he’s there, next to you. He wraps his arms around you, his big hands gentle and warm. He slides his glasses to the top of his head again, pushing back his hair.

“You always figure me out,” he says. “But please don’t panic on my behalf.”

“Are you actually comforting me right now, Bo?” you ask. “When you’re clearly struggling?”

“No one calls me that but you,” he says. “Not since I was small.” He stares straight ahead for a moment, something in his eyes tells you he’s not entirely here with you.

“Bo,” you say, “come back to me.”

He smiles, takes your hand and gives it a gentle squeeze. “Sometimes…” he says, pausing to take a breath. “Sometimes it’s nice for me to just be able to take care of you. To make sure you are safe and happy. Maybe it’s a bit selfish but it’s something I couldn’t do even for myself for a long time.”

Resting your head on his shoulder, you notice how nice he smells—some combination of shampoo, the clean cotton of his shirt, a light cologne he knows you like. You want to ask him what he’s thinking, whether he’s okay. But you know he has more to tell you. And the only way you’ll hear it is if you wait for him to be ready.

It’s not long before he lets out a long breath and says, “I made a doctor’s appointment a few weeks ago. Neurology specialist.”

“That’s a big step,” you say, wondering how much he’d been keeping from you, knowing how he hates the idea of burdening you with his own health issues. “You could have told me—I know this is really hard on you.”

“I know. It’s just a little too real, I guess.” He pauses. “But I have to know.”

It had been years since Bodhi had had his mind violated by Bor Gullet, a being who could not only see inside your mind but change it, move things around, make you believe anything or leave you with nothing at all. Bodhi was lucky to have mostly recovered, but there were side effects—then and still. For a while doctors said his symptoms lined up entirely with his PTSD, but Bodhi wasn’t so sure. Doubts like that can overwhelm a person, and now, after all this time wondering if he might have some kind of brain injury, there’s only one way to find out for sure.

“When is it?” you ask.

“Well,” he says, a “It was set for a few months from now. But I got a call right before I left work today and there’s an opening tomorrow. So…”

You take his face in your hands, gently caress his short beard before drawing him into a brief kiss. “I’m proud of you,” you say. “Where are we going tomorrow?”

“We?”

“I’m not letting you do this alone.”

“All right then,” he says. “The specialist is on Hosnian Prime. We’ll have to leave early.”

“Okay,” you say. “I’ll be with you.”

Bodhi takes your hand, brings it to his lips for a sweet kiss. “Thank you, love.”

You hear Cilvie chirping from down the hall: packing your bag.

Someone in this house is always eavesdropping, but it is nice of your droid to take care of that for you. You thank her, and then look to Bodhi, his big, dark eyes reflecting so much love.

“It’s going to be okay,” you tell him. “We’ve got this.”

You’d been living together for just a few months the first time Bodhi went to a doctor’s appointment with you. He’d actually suggested it, hoping to provide some comfort, maybe even get some insight into what to watch out for in an emergency. If it had been any other man, you might have balked at the idea, wondered what controlling nonsense he was up to. But it was Bodhi, the most sincere being you’d ever met. So you agreed.

Unfortunately, the appointment he joined you on had brought a decent amount of bad news. Medications weren’t working as they were supposed to, side effects of other medications might be too risky given your conditions. You left feeling somehow both deflated and panicky. When Bodhi came in from the waiting room, the physician had nothing helpful to share with him, either.

In the turbolift, on the way from the doctor’s office to the parking garage, Bodhi asked you, “How are you feeling? I mean, physically.”

“Not terrible,” you told him. “Same as this morning.”

“Right,” he said. “Okay, well, we’re getting dessert then.”

“Have you even had lunch?” you asked.

“I think dessert is in order regardless,” he said, putting an arm around you, bringing your body close to his. “Maybe a bit of chocolate, even.”

Bodhi touched his nose to yours and you closed your eyes, breathing in the comfort of being close to him, his familiar scent, the steady beating of his heart, the strands of hair fallen loose from his braid brushing against your cheek.

“I really thought there was going to be good news today,” you said. “Something helpful.”

“I know.” he whispered. “I’m so sorry that wasn’t the case.”

“I’m so tired,” you said. “How do we have so many advancements in medicine and I’m still such a mess?”

“You’re not a mess,” he said. “I know I can’t do a lot to help right now, but…whatever I can do? I’m going to do that.” You’d almost reached the level where your speeder was parked when Bodhi pressed a kiss to your lips and said, “If that’s all right with you, I mean.”

And in his embrace, some of your anxiety started to fade. He took your hand as you walked to your vehicle, opened the door for you as if you were on a first date. “I know a place,” Bodhi said. “I have a client in this neighborhood that I’ve done work for. She has a hard time leaving the house so usually Pao or I come to her. And there’s a cantina—you’ll see. The sweets menu is glorious.”

“Glorious?”

“Glorious.”

It was a quick drive to the little cantina, and when you walked in, Bodhi’s arm around your waist, you immediately knew why he wanted to bring you here. It was a casual comfort food spot, and right by the door was the very full dessert case.

You found a booth in the back corner and you ended up ordering a sandwich to split before indulging in the dessert menu. It was just before dusk and not particularly crowded. As you were waiting for your late lunch, Bodhi got up from the table abruptly, told you he’d be right back.

When you’d met, back on Yavin, Bodhi had been shy, almost debilitatingly so, often compensating for his anxiety by talking too fast and too much—something you’d come to find charming even if others merely tolerated it. But in the pilot’s seat or in combat, according to the folks who’d fought alongside him, he would almost become a different person—a man with a commanding presence and a sharp tactical mind. That was how he’d been consistently promoted. If he hadn’t decided to step away from the Navy, you both knew he would have earned the rank of General.

He’d grown into himself since those early days, his confidence coming back to him as he’d found strength in his found family. In you. But still, it surprised you when he put a credit in the cantina’s old-fashioned jukebox, returning to you with an outstretched hand.

“I’ve always loved this song,” he said. “Come dance with me.”

“What?” you asked, not entirely sure that he was serious.

“Dance with me, love. Just for a little while.”

You raised an eyebrow as you took his hand, the slow, soft melody coming in over the speakers in the early evening calm.

“Come on, now,” he said, a smile in his eyes. “This song makes me think of you, you know.”

As soon as you were in his arms, it didn’t matter whether people were watching. “How many years have I known you, Bodhi Rook? And not known that you could dance?”

“Too many, perhaps,” he said, quickly brushing his lips over your cheek. “Maybe this is something we should do more often.”

“Dancing?”

“With the promise of dessert.”

Bodhi’s original U-Wing was a total loss when it crashed on Endor. And while he’d enjoyed his stint as an X-Wing pilot through the Battle of Jakku and the month that he’d spent piloting a repurposed zeta-class transport—much like the one he’d flown with the Empire—it was the U-Wing that he kept coming back to when he was looking for something to salvage for personal use.

“My whole life turned around when Cassian pulled me aboard that ship,” he said on the day he finally made his decision. “It’s a quite different, this civilian model. I’ll have to install a hyperdrive somehow, and we’ll need a new droid port…”

You’d let him ramble, even though what he was saying may as well have been Huttese to you. And today as you board the U-Wing—Bodhi’s U-Wing—you admire as always the beauty of it, so much of it built from scrap but crafted and polished to look like new. With his hands.

Now in hyperspace, the silver streak of stars just outside the transparisteel windows, you settle on one of the plush benches that Bodhi had reupholstered himself a few years back. With Red keeping an eye on the navigation, Bodhi comes back to sit with you.

“Thanks for coming with me, love,” he says, “I can’t say I’m excited about this.”

“I know,” you say. “But if you get some answers, it’s worth it, right?”

He nods, pulling your legs over his so you’re nearly in his lap, his arms around you, bringing closer to his body. “I’m so afraid that I could lose something important. In my mind,” he says. “That I could lose my memories with you.”

You place one hand over his heart. He’s wearing a v-neck t-shirt and a soft cardigan—so different from how you used to find him in the back of the old U-Wing, so many years ago. But, stars, how you love him in v-necks—how they compliment his toned chest, the way one of his tattoos peeks out from under the collar.

“Bodhi,” you say. “That won’t happen. And if it did, I’d be right here to remind you.”

You caress your partner’s cheek, give his neatly trimmed beard a little tickle before he touches his forehead to yours, a few strands of dark hair slipping from where he’d pulled it halfway back, still damp from his shower earlier this morning.

“I hope the answer isn’t surgery,” he says. “I don’t know if I can handle that.”

“Whatever it is, we’ll do it together, Bo,” you say. “I promise. There’s nothing in the galaxy that you have to do alone.”

“Okay.”

“You look really nice today, you know.”

“Now you’re just trying to distract me.”

“Maybe I am,” you say. “But that doesn’t make it any less true.”

Bodhi kisses you then, his hunger for your touch evident as he takes your face in his hands, his lips moving slow but firm as they fit to yours so perfectly that you feel like you were made for each other.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “Is this okay?”

“It’s more than okay,” you tell him.

He responds with more kisses, deeper and more urgent as he leads you to the little pull-out cot he’d installed where on his old Alliance ship there would have been a second door and an ion canon. As you lie down, Bodhi folding the both of you under a blanket and sliding his hands under your clothes, you’re glad for the curtain behind the cockpit. When Bodhi’s gentle fingertips trace the curve of your thigh, you hope that this moment of pleasure is bringing him even half the peace it’s bringing you, a bit of warm calm in the cold of hyperspace.

“You know, the day we met, I thought that I’d never get to spend any time with you—and I hated it,” you told Bodhi. Back at home, you were now snuggled up on the couch together watching a holofilm you’d both seen more times than you could remember. “You were a big hero—the kind of pilot who had so much attention on him that he’d never have the time to spend with non-combat personnel.”

“Well,” he said. “As I’ve told you, I fell in love with you the day I met you, when you handed me that jacket. I’d never had a jacket that fit me so well,” He paused to softly run his knuckles over your cheek. “And you were so beautiful, love. Radiating kindness. I had no choice but to break things on purpose to keep coming back to see you.”

“Excuse me?” you said. There were a few times that you suspected he might be up to something, but back then you couldn’t quite imagine that this attractive, important man would break so many zippers just to see you.

“I didn’t really leave the cockpit much that first year after Scarif. Between having to learn to use my new leg and the fact that I was rubbish with a blaster…well, I wasn’t putting as much strain on my clothes as, say, Han or Jyn.”

“I knew it,” you said, laughing.

“And you never said anything?” Bodhi’s smile was so big and so charming—the smile you’d fallen for back on Yavin. And you reached to tuck a few strands of hair behind his ear, a handsome, if premature, streak of silver that had come in a year or so ago.

“Because every day I hoped to hear you’d somehow popped another button on your uniform. So that I could see you, too. Plus, you always brought me caf—and knew exactly how I liked it.”

“Of course I did. You were it for me,” he said, kissing you softly. “You are it for me, love. You know that right?”

You smile. “Well…let’s just say a more responsible tailor would have taught you to sew a button.”

“I’m glad you never did.”

“Me, too.”

It’s hard being in the waiting room, knowing that Bodhi is just beyond a door you can see a few meters away from where you’re sitting, and not wanting to be there. But there’s radiation involved, and he has Red, so Bodhi suggested that you go explore downtown. And you’d thought about it, but ended up just getting a cup of caf and a sandwich and returning to the waiting room to read a book. It’s been a few hours, and you’re starting to worry when the door opens and Bodhi emerges, followed by Red.

He looks tired—but not upset. You must look tired, too, because the first thing he says is, “How long have you been sitting here?”

“I just wanted to be here if you needed me,” you told him.

Red chirps: made sure Bodhi was okay.

“I know you did.” You say, giving the droid a little pat. Turning back to Bodhi, you ask, “How’d it go?”

He takes your hand and leads you out of the office, to the turbolift, out to the busy sidewalk. And then he says, “Mostly good news, I think.” He pauses, takes a breath. “Let’s find a place to get some dinner and we can talk about it.”

So you find a little diner, snag a corner booth, retrieve Bodhi’s reading glasses from your shoulder bag so he can read the menu, and after ordering some local comfort food, he tells you about the appointment.

“So they did find something,” he says. His voice is a little shaky, and you squeeze his hand. “I should have had you come in to hear it from the doctor—something about scar tissue. But it’s entirely treatable.”

“What kind of treatment?”

“There’s a medication that they sent to the pharmacy back home,” he says. “But I have to take it in conjunction with therapy.”

You smile at Bodhi, the look on his face a bit sheepish. Bodhi hadn’t done talk therapy in years. His previous therapist had retired unexpectedly and he never got around to finding someone new. He was doing pretty well so you’d never felt like it was your place to push him to find a new clinician. But you can tell in this moment that he’s dreading it.

“Are you going to do it?” you ask.

“Of course,” he says. “The neurologist already put in a referral to someone back on Chandrila. I looked her up, she sounds lovely. But I’m not thrilled about it.”

You reach to touch his face, tuck a lock of hair behind his ear. “Whatever you need from me to support you in this, it’s yours.

“Thank you,” he says before sneaking a quick kiss. “I’m glad you came today.”

“Me, too.”

When you leave the diner, it’s dark out. Both of you had talked earlier about possibly doing something fun tonight, but that was before the long day you’d had. Standing on the sidewalk, you ask Bodhi if he’s about ready to head back to the ship to get some sleep before leaving tomorrow.

“Actually, love,” he says. “I booked us a room. I thought it would be nice. Maybe even a bit romantic…I know you’re probably exhausted, though.”

“How far is it from here?”

Bodhi points out a tall building just a few blocks away. “It’s right there, I think. With the red spire. Are you good to walk?”

“I should be fine.”

With Bodhi’s arm around your waist you make your way to the hotel and, when you get to your room, Red plugs himself into the droid port in the corner and lets you know that he’s shutting down for the night. You’re about to ask about your luggage when you find that Bodhi has had your bags brought here by a courier earlier that day.

“You’ve thought of everything,” you say.

Bodhi pulls you close, touches his nose to yours. “You deserve everything, darling,” he says. “I mean that.”

When he kisses you, the sounds of the city fade away and a desire wakes inside you, a hunger to be closer to this brave, good man—who even in the midst of his own difficulties is thinking of you. You press closer to him, and Bodhi starts humming—a song he always says reminds him of you, and you sway with him, a sweet slow dance to shake off the stress of the day.

Soon you’re undressing each other, stumbling toward the bed, sliding into the soft sheets, clothes landing in piles on the floor.

Bodhi kisses your jaw and whispers in your ear, “You took such good care of me today. Can I take care of you now?”

You nod and he begins a gentle trail of kisses down your neck, your shoulder, your clavicle, your sternum. His beard tickles your skin as you realize you have goosebumps from the pleasure of his touch.

“Stars,” he says, taking your hand, his fingers lacing in between yours. “Have I ever told you that you’re perfect?”

And as he continues, pressing his soft lips to your tummy, you know he knows that neither of you are perfect by any standard measurement. That you are both deeply flawed, clinically. Emotionally. Still, you believe him when he tells you this.

“So are you,” you tell him. “And I love you so much.”

He hushes you, and you make a mental note to reassure him later of his strength and his beauty, how his body and his mind are exquisite and how lucky you are to have him. But for now, you relax into this moment with him, a sweet bit of pleasure that both of you deserve.

★★★★★★★★

Thank you so much for reading! I love writing Bodhi. I need a universe where he lives. But we have our AU. I hope this fic makes you feel seen and loved.

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phantomstatistician · 3 months

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Fandom: Star Wars

Character: Cassian Andor

Sample Size: 6,093 stories

Source: AO3

#cassian andor #jyn erso #bodhi rook #k 2so #leia organa #ruescott melshi #star wars #fanfiction #ao3 #statistics #phantom statistician

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sesamestreep · 1 month

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follow me like the moon (chapter 2)

When Bodhi turns it over to her with a thoughtful, “And how’s everything with you?”—well, Jyn rightfully panics. “Uh…there was a really hot guy at the diner the other day…well, night. The other morning. Whatever,” she offers, pathetically. After a year of working overnights, you’d think she'd know what to call it. “Really?” Bodhi asks, obviously intrigued. Because he’s the best, and even if her life is objectively less interesting than his, he still cares about how she’s doing. “Yep.” “And?” he presses. “What happened?” “Nothing happened,” Jyn says, trying not to scoff. “He was a customer. He came in, he ate, he left.” “Like the proverbial panda.” “What?” “The panda. From that joke? ‘Eats, shoots, and leaves?’” Bodhi explains. “Never mind. It’s just a dumb joke.”

(read the rest on AO3)

(start from the beginning)

#a chapter update that will maybe excite nobody #but oh well #the besties are gossiping #consider it an easter present from me a person who hasnt written in like a month #rebelcaptain #on a technicality #the fic is about them even if this chapter largely isnt #jyn erso #bodhi rook #cassian andor #rogue one #rogue one fanfiction #star wars #homelywenchsociety #that's my writing tag! don't worry about it!#this chapter was an awkward length because it's pretty short but the next chapter would have been ungodly long with it attached #so yeah just a little shortie update for anyone looking for more of this AU #love you #hoppy easter

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mostthingskenobi · 3 months

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CASSIAN'S RECKONING - Chapter 17: The Absolution

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Both Jyn and Cassian carry a lot of pain and darkness… and they don't have to hide it from each other. Enjoy some meaningful fluff.

Just want to say thank you to the folks reading this fic <3 I hope you are enjoying it :)

READ THE FIC ON AO3

THIS IS A WHUMPY FIC W/GRAPHIC DEPICTIONS OF VIOLENCE. PLEASE HEED THE TAGS ON AO3.

——————–

CHAPTER 17: THE ABSOLUTION

He could hear her screaming.

The sound echoed off the star destroyer’s sterile walls and glossy black floor with a brittleness that stripped Cassian’s nerves.

He ran after her, down corridors, up stairs, through vaults. But she always disappeared around the next corner, dragged away by growling death troopers.

“Jyn!” He shouted her name over and over, running as fast as his exhausted legs would carry him, sweat beading on his brow and soaking through his shirt.

Her screams changed from frightened to desperate before abruptly stopping all together. The silence was more tormenting than the screams. He forced himself to run faster; he couldn’t let the Empire hurt her.

Cassian rounded the next corner and entered a dark hall, the walls black, the lights red and low. He skidded to a stop. There, at the end, stood Tarkin, his posture like a razor’s edge, hands behind his back, jaw jutting upward in a proud smirk.

On the floor between the Grand Moff’s feet was Jyn’s twisted and broken body. Blood seeped across the durasteel in a black pool.

“Come closer,” Tarkin demanded softly.

Cassian obeyed, taking slow, unsteady steps. The closer he got, the more Jyn came into focus. He knelt down and pulled her into his arms. He tried to wipe the blood from her face, tried to rouse her, tried to stop the dark wave of fear that threatened to swallow him whole. “Jyn,” he said gently, his voice breaking. Tears fell from his lashes onto her cheeks as he realized she was dead.

“She told us everything she knew.” Tarkin leered. “Her blood is on your hands.”

A massive explosion suddenly shook the ship. Instinctively, Cassian protectively pulled Jyn tighter against him before turning on his knees to see what had happened. His breath froze in his lungs as he watched the star destroyer dissolved, replaced by a salty sea lapping on a sandy shoreline. The horizon blazed with a churning orange cloud that came racing forward across the water, consuming, burning, vaporizing everything in its path.

He clutched Jyn’s limp body against his chest, too weak to resist fate any longer, burying his face in her hair. He wanted to scream; instead, he squeezed his eyes shut until the flames devoured them…

…Cassian gasped and bolted up, promptly smacking his face against the over-hanging bulkhead. The blow dropped him hard and fast. Groaning, he clasped his aching forehead as the nightmare receded. He had known all along it was a dream; the unfolding scenes had never tricked him into believing they were real. But that didn’t make it any less disturbing.

Desperation, fear, exhaustion ran loops in his head.

And Jyn, her blood smeared across his hands, dead, empty, cold.

He shook himself, forcing the lingering discomfort away, and threw his legs over the side of his bunk before walking to the locker. Popping it open he gazed at his reflection in the mirror on the back of the door as he pulled on a shirt and pants. He looked more tired now than before he had gone to sleep. He gingerly prodded his face where he’d struck it on the bed; a bruise was already forming. “Good work,” he muttered sarcastically. He slammed the locker shut and went in search of food.

——————–

Rogue Crew had started playing cards in the evenings right after Scarif. It had been a simple way to keep each other company on Yavin, to offer a safe place to escape the residual disquiet they each carried, a touchstone of normalcy. Cassian didn’t usually have the patience for games and he found cards particularly boring. But laughing with people he actually considered his friends was a rarity, so he had taken advantage of it as much as possible. He was grateful to revisit the tradition now aboard the Redemption.

The group had a box turned on its side for a table positioned between their racks. Jyn made space for Cassian to sit next to her on her bunk while everyone else dragged chairs around the box’s other edges. They played sabacc and sipped a cold, fermented ginger tea that Chirrut provided. For a few hours they were able to forget the Empire and war and death.

“What happened to your forehead?” Jyn asked as they played.

Cassian wasn’t embarrassed. Instead, he smiled. “I hit it on my rack.”

Bodhi winced.

“You must have a hard skull,” Baze said, totally serious.

Melshi, who occasionally joined the group and was present this evening, snorted into his glass.

“You’re lucky you didn’t kill yourself,” Bodhi said.

“Can you imagine? I survive prison, Scarif, and Tarkin only to kill myself getting out of bed.” It was the kind of dark humor they all shared.

They played until the hour grew late and only stopped when Cassian started yawning. The party broke ranks and, as he stood to leave, he caught Jyn’s eye. “You want to walk with me?” He felt Bodhi glance at them, listening in, so Cassian hurried to remove any inkling of something gossip-worthy. “I need you to bring me up to speed on the officers’ briefing I missed.”

“Sure. I’m heading up top,” Jyn said, rising to her feet. “I have to stop in the ready room to pick up orders.”

They moved through the rows of racks and maneuvered toward the corridor. “So, what did I miss?” Cassian asked.

“Nothing you don’t already know. The fleet is going to be in constant motion until a more permanent base can be found. They’ve been scouting locations for years, so there are some immediate possibilities. Brass is dispersing several teams tasked with making more comprehensive evaluations of these locations. We’ll be on standby until they return. No non-essential missions. Everyone is grounded until further notice.”

“Sounds boring and dangerous.”

“My thoughts exactly. When people get bored, they get sloppy.”

“Let’s just hope the Empire doesn’t find us.”

Jyn was suddenly uneasy. “The thought of the Empire attacking while we’re trapped on this ship terrifies me. We’d be sitting ducks; nowhere to run, no way to fight back.”

He realized she was talking about Rogue One and not the Alliance. For the first time possibly ever, she had a real sense of belonging and a found-family she wanted to protect. Cassian understood the alarm she felt; fear of loss had snapped at his heels his entire life.

“I used to think I was brave,” she carried on quietly, almost to herself, deep in thought. “But ever since Scarif, I feel like I’ve lost my nerve.”

“I don’t see that,” Cassian replied honestly.

“You don’t?”

“No. To me, you seem to have nerves of steel.”

“I wish I was more like you.”

That nearly stopped him in his tracks. “What do you mean?” he asked in disbelief.

“Every situation we’re in, you always seem to manage it. Nothing phases you, at least not for long. You have an uncanny ability to push on.”

Cassian suddenly felt very cold. “That’s what happens when you lose everything you’ve ever cared about,” he said darkly. “It changes your perspective on what’s tolerable.” He glanced at her. “You don’t think you’re like that? You’re not able to push on?”

She didn’t respond; her brain was sifting through a lifetime of memories.

“A woman who survived being abandoned, who lost her parents and her home; a woman who was cast out by Saw Gerrera only to end up being manipulated into helping the Alliance; a woman who risked her life to rescued a little girl in the Jedha streets and who climbed a burning-hot datatower to steal the Death Star plans?” He shook his head. “Jyn, you’re the strongest person I know.”

These observations meant more to her than Cassian would ever understand. Though she felt awkward accepting the compliment, she felt touched that he’d seen past what she showed on the surface. Even so, Jyn felt unworthy. “You didn’t see all the moments where I was weak, where I betrayed people to save my own skin.”

Their pace had slowed as they walked through the empty corridors.

He was quiet for so long Jyn worried she’d said the wrong thing, confessed too much, and now he was second guessing how he saw her. “We aren’t born strong,” he finally said quietly. “We’re made strong by our mistakes. Sometimes terrible things have to happen in order for us to find our potential.”

Cassian had told her a little about his past; she knew demons haunted them both. In her opinion, she had no right to judge people by their history, though she didn’t extend that courtesy to herself. Jyn knew what she was; a survivor, a rat. Cassian seemed ready to absolve her, but she wasn’t sure she could forgive herself yet. She’d been lost, walking a dark and lonely path, but seeing her father again, meeting Cassian and the rest of Rogue One, had righted her, had given her a light to follow in the storm. Galen Erso sacrificed himself for the greater good; Jyn wanted to be more like that and less like the tip of a spear that Saw Gerrera had made her.

“Strength isn’t the same as being brave,” she finally replied. “Fear brings out the worst in me. You never seem to be afraid. I wish I could be like that; I wish I was fearless.”

Cassian stopped walking and turned toward her. “I’m not fearless. I’m always afraid.” She looked up at him in disbelief. “Ever since I was a boy I’ve been afraid, but I don’t let fear keep me from taking action.”

They looked in each other’s eyes for a long time.

“I know you’re feeling a little exposed, a little unsafe; after everything that’s happened I’d expect nothing less. But that doesn’t mean you’re not brave,” he said. “I’ve never seen someone manage their fear like you.”

Jyn bit her lip and looked away. “There’s a moment I can’t get out of my head, where I pushed through, managed my fear. It’s a moment that made me hate myself.”

She didn’t elaborate so he asked, “When?”

“On Scarif. After you fell.” She curled in on herself, withdrawing from him. “I didn’t want to just leave you there.”

Cassian understood; being left behind, abandoned, discarded caused a pain in Jyn’s heart that might never be healed.

“You told me to keep going. I knew I had to. But I hated myself for it. Whether you were alive or dead, I was surrendering you to the Empire.”

“We had a job to do. We were fighting for something bigger than ourselves, something important.”

Her cheeks became hot, though she managed to remain composed. She looked up at him. “You’re important, Cassian.”

An expression flashed across his face that Jyn had never seen, something vulnerable and raw. She saw him catch his breath.

“Has no one ever told you that before?”

His eyes were fixed on her, his breathing heavy as he fought to control a sudden wave of emotion, his mouth turning down at the corners. Jyn had unknowingly hit a nerve. She stepped nearer and took hold of the front of his jacket.

“I’m nothing special,” he said, his voice dark and low.

“That isn’t true.”

He shrugged. “I’m just one person.”

Her grip constricted and she pulled him closer. “You are important. To the Rebellion, to Rogue Squad… to me.”

His gaze tightened, as though he were receiving kindness for the first time in his life and the experience was so overdue it pained him.

Jyn suddenly understood; he truly believed he was expendable because no one had ever told him otherwise. She cupped his face in her hands. “You’ve given so much of yourself. We all use you; we all take from your strength. It isn’t fair.” He gripped her wrists and leaned into her touch, needing the comfort. “You might tell yourself that you have nothing left to lose, so there’s no harm in risking your life for the cause. But I think it’s the opposite. You know the pain of loss so intimately that you sacrifice everything in the hopes of giving others the safety you never had.” His breathing had become shuddering rasps as her words cut through every piece of emotional armor he wore. “I’m proud of you, Cassian.”

He stiffened, fighting back feelings that threatened to overwhelm him.

Maarva’s final words rang in his ears, delivered to him in a dark sewer by his best friend Brasso, words layered with the forgiveness and absolution only a mother’s love could offer. Tell him, none of this is his fault. It was already burning, he’s just the first spark of the fire. Tell him, he knows everything he needs to know and feels everything he needs to feel. And when the day comes and those two pull together, he will be an unstoppable force for good. Tell him, I love him more than anything he could ever do wrong.

He had always lived by his own code. But the Empire’s never-ending ruthlessness had hardened Cassian over the years. Jyn had unwittingly made him look at himself with fresh eyes. At first, he hadn’t liked what he discovered. But, in a short period of time, she had reignited his sense of self, unintentionally reconnected him with who he wished he could be without the Empire looming over all existence. Cassian wanted to be strong without being brutal. He wanted to be brave without being callous. He wanted to thrive without desperation. If Jyn was proud of him, perhaps that meant he had begun achieving these small victories. They hadn’t known each other long, but she always made him feel seen, like he existed with more intensity now that she was in his life.

Cassian wrapped his arms around Jyn, pulling her body against him, his hands pressed across her back. All he wanted was to hold her, to feel safe, to disappear into a reality where Scarif and Tarkin and IT-O droids didn’t exist. Jyn responded instantly to his touch, pressing her cheek against his, almost sighing with relief as her arms went around his neck. He closed his eyes and thought, I love you more than anything you could ever do wrong.

——————–

END NOTES

NEXT CHAPTER IS CALLED “THE REACH” - Perhaps it's a proximity trope…but I don't care. It's my story and I can do what I want :) You're welcome.

Thank you for reading!

Likes, comments, and reblogs are very welcome!

Much love!

——————–

READ IT ON AO3- Kudos and Comments Welcome :-)

READ CHAPTER 1 “The Razor”

READ CHAPTER 2 “The Scythe”

READ CHAPTER 3 “The Cold”

READ CHAPTER 4 “The Expendable”

READ CHAPTER 5 “The Truth”

READ CHAPTER 6 “The Detritus”

READ CHAPTER 7 “The Salt”

READ CHAPTER 8 “The Power”

READ CHAPTER 9 “The Betrayal”

REACH CHAPTER 10 “The Ruse”

READ CHAPTER 11 “The Reprieve”

READ CHAPTER 12 “The Ghosts”

READ CHAPTER 13 “The Redemption”

READ CHAPTER 14 “The Spoils”

READ CHAPTER 15 “The Interrogation”

READ CHAPTER 16 “The Rogues”

READ CHAPTER 17 "The Absolution"

READ CHAPTER 18 “The Reach”

READ CHAPTER 19 “The Hologram”

READ CHAPTER 20 “The Divide”

READ CHAPTER 21 “The Cost”

READ CHAPTER 22 “The Fallout”

READ CHAPTER 23 “The Wounds”

#rebelcaptain #rebelcaptain fic #rebelcaptain fanfic #cassian #cassian andor #andor #cassian andor fic #cassian andor fanfiction #jyn #jyn erso #jyn x cassian #jyn and cassian #jyn erso fic #rogue one #rogue one fic #tarkin #baze malbus #chirrut imwe #bodhi rook

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biggestsimponhere · 10 months

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Cant wink - Cassian andor x reader, I don’t know what this is truly, i saw someone request it under a post i got tagged in except they made the comment in 2018 so this is for you, @dude-watchin-with-the-brontes , thank you for tagging me in that post ♥️ @hoeforevery1 , Gif from: @definitelyoneoftheguys

A/n - A little ooc cass at least i’m not sure if it’s really i’m character or not. Just enjoy it

When you’d entered the fresher shortly before lunch to find Cass looking in the mirror and blinking strangely you figured he had something in his eye. You didn’t mention it cause it didn’t seem worth mentioning so you just went about your day. When you’d caught him doing it a second time you assumed he must not have gotten it out of his eye. You didn’t know what he was trying to do until you all were sat trying to eat in the canteen.

He had attempted to wink following a flirtatious joke at you. Which he had failed the wink miserably. He had started eating a cookie before his lunch and you pointed it out. “Dessert before lunch is unusual for you cass” You said skeptically. “I know something else i could have for dessert before lunch” He commented before blinking strangely. You looked at him for a solid thirty seconds before bursting out laughing. In between breaths you spoke “Cass, did you just try to wink at me” you laughed breathing in heavily. Jyn laughed too. “Is that what you’ve been doing all day, i thought you had something in your eye” She said hitting him on the shoulder.

You continued laughing as you agreed with jyn. “If you’re just gonna make fun of me, i’ll leave” Cassian said pouting slightly. “I’m sorry honey, i just assumed with the fact that you’re such a good spy that you would know how to wink” You said taking his hand in yours. It only took a minute for everyone to start laughing again. “I can’t believe you can’t wink” Bodhi said snickering. “Alright i’m done” He said getting up and walking out of the canteen. You noticed he’d left his food so you slid your food onto his tray and then headed towards the kitchen.

Quickly asking if you could take the tray and the dishes the staff agreed as long as you promised to bring it back (you usually do). So you left the canteen with the tray and went off in search of Cassian. He was right where you expected him to be. Sat on his bed absentmindedly drawing on the spare pieces of paper. “Cass” You said drawing out his name as you say by him. “I brought your lunch… and the rest of mine” You continued as you settled in next to him. He leaned in closer to your touch but otherwise didn’t say anything. “I’m sorry” You said quietly. He shook his head “No, no, it’s silly, you don’t have to apologize” He said rushing it out.

“Cass, it clearly affected you so i do have to apologize and i am sorry, if i knew it was gonna hurt you like that i wouldn’t have done it” You said leaning into him while wrapping an arm around him. He smiled and leaned into you. The two of you just sat together before he pointed out that the food was getting cold. You ate together before he stopped and looked at you. He stared at you a few seconds before you spoke up. “Yes cass?” He looked down and then back up quickly. “Will you help me learn how to wink?” He said fast as if the words wouldn’t come out any other way. “I can definitely try” You said brushing the hair off his forehead.

The rest of your time before dinner was spent laughing together as you attempted to wink at each other with his blushing and you actually winking while he continued to blink strangely. He’ll get it eventually.

#cassian andor x y/n #cassian andor x reader #cassian andor #cassian andor x you #star wars andor #rogue one #jyn erso #bodhi rook #sw andor #andor fic #andor series #diego luna #star wars #star wars fanfiction

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mosylufanfic · 7 months

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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Cassian Andor/Jyn Erso, Jyn Erso & Bodhi Rook Characters: Jyn Erso, Bodhi Rook, Cassian Andor Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Supernatural Hunters, yes this is a supernatural au, no i have no excuses, SHIP NAMES, Fanfiction, jyn hates fanfiction but only because it's about herself, Yoda is Chuck, rebelcaptain is rebelangel because captain doesn't make sense in this au, Jyn and Bodhi are adoptive siblings, Cassian is an angel, very heavy denial of feelings, everybody: you're in love, jyn and cass: haha do y'all hear sumn, Possibly more to come? Series: Part 3 of paranormals Summary:

Jyn and Bodhi are investigating the disappearance of a drama teacher when they accidentally stumble upon a school play based on their lives. And the writer of the play has some very specific ideas about the nature of her relationship with Cassian.

A Supernatural AU.

from @andorerso

#Jyn Erso #Bodhi Rook #rebelcaptain #(referred to)#fanfiction #recs #wintersend #supernatural AU #I'm wheezing #she would react EXACTLY like this #star wars #search your feelings you know it to be queue

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spectrestardust · 1 year

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And They Were Roommates

Bodhi had a worried look on his face: “I forgot to tell you something.”

Jyn waited for him to continue, but he didn’t.

“Am I going to be a problem? Because I don’t want that, Bodhi. I can find another way.”

“No, of course not. It’s just… you remember Cassian, right?"

Jyn moves in with Bodhi. But Cassian also moves in with Bodhi.

For @daffodelia and @andorology - thank you, thank you, thank you for indulging me in this silly little idea. Also, as always, for The Rogue and The Rebels. <3

#rebelcaptain #rebelcaptain fic #rogue one #andor #roommates au #jyn erso #cassian andor #bodhi rook #fanfiction #writing

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hsavinien · 4 months

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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars - All Media Types Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Cassian Andor/Bodhi Rook, Cassian Andor/Bodhi Rook/Luke Skywalker Characters: Luke Skywalker, Cassian Andor, Bodhi Rook, Minor Characters, Original Rebel Alliance Characters (Star Wars) Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, POV Luke Skywalker, POV Cassian Andor, POV Bodhi Rook, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, Polyamory, Relationship Study, Mission Related, Not "Andor"-compliant Summary:

Luke destroys the Death Star and finds himself at something of a loose end, missing Biggs and still working out his place in the Rebel Alliance. He finds new ways to fit in and makes some new friends. (Handsome friends. Uh oh.) ***

Thanks for your donation, TeganJ!

#fandom trumps hate #fanfic #fanfiction #star wars #rogue one #luke skywalker #bodhi rook #cassian andor

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someinstant · 1 year

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The deeply annoying thing about writing fiction set in the Star Wars universe is that I have to look every damn thing up, and not in a fun way. I am no stranger to researching all sorts of weird shit for fannish endeavors-- go ahead, ask me about Brazilian architecture or hockey or money laundering, I dare you. There's a reason I'm killer at trivia, and 90% of it is fannish in origin. But goddamn, I have never had so many tabs open at once as when I'm trying to write something set in a galaxy far, far away.

(And it's about 75% Wookieepedia, 23% Google image search, and 2% JSTOR.)

Anyway, here's a snippet of the Jyn-and-Melshi-become-besties story in the offing:

Jyn was good at taking the measure of her opponents. But it was immediately clear to her that she was outclassed in this circle—Maddel was a damn good bluff, and she was almost certain Bodhi was counting cards. Melshi’s play was erratic and unpredictable, the lieutenant—Sefla, perhaps?—had a face of stone, and she wasn’t familiar enough with Drabatan culture to read Pao’s expressions accurately. She lost heavily for the first two hands, and then realized what was wrong.

“Fuck me,” she said, shaking her head as Pao gleefully replenished his stack of credits. “You’re all Intelligence,” she said, annoyed, and Maddel laughed at her.

“What gave it away?” asked Sefla drily, the rank insignia on his jacket obnoxiously visible.

“I’m not,” Bodhi said, and nudged her with his shoulder. “Shuffle for me?” he asked.

“’Course,” she said, taking the cards for him. “And I know you’re not Intel, idiot,” she told Bodhi, nudging him back. “You’re just counting cards,” she said, bridging and then setting the deck in front of him to cut.

“I am not,” Bodhi said, his big dark eyes affronted at her accusation.

Melshi snorted. “She’s got your number, mate,” and Pao croaked his agreement.

#back on my writing bullshit #rogue one fanfiction #andor fanfiction #jyn erso #ruescott melshi #bodhi rook #I have decided that everyone in ROGUE ONE cheats at cards #yes #all of them #it's the only way it's fair

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delphiniumblooms · 1 year

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Chapters: 1/2 Fandom: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Cassian Andor/Jyn Erso Characters: Cassian Andor, Jyn Erso Additional Tags: Sharing a Bed, For Warmth™, Friends to Lovers, Implied Sexual Content, Inspired by Six of Crows, informed by andor, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Rogue one team - Freeform, this is a romcom Summary:

Do best friends strip off their clothes and settle into bed together?

For warmth, he argues. He was freezing, they were both soaked to the skin from being out in the snow, she knew how to deal with cold, she'd insisted… Neither of them had crossed any lines.

If he'd thought last night about kissing a trail from the place beneath her ear to the hollow of her throat… well, with their proximity and her attractiveness, it was natural. It didn't mean anything. He hadn't actually done it. ____ Rogue One crash-lands on Orto Plutonia. Cassian is freezing half to death. The logical thing to do, of course, is for Jyn to get in bed with him. Naked. For warmth.

#rebelcaptain #star wars fanfiction #rogue one #cassian andor #jyn erso #bodhi rook #k2so #ruescott melshi #this fic has been living rent free in my head since december 2nd #eli writes

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mothmage · 10 months

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might i offer you a sciencepilot time travel fix it in these trying times?

#mine #rogue one #bodhi rook #galen erso #sciencepilot #science pilot #galen x bodhi #rogue one fanfiction #mothmage fic

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mostthingskenobi · 3 months

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CASSIAN'S RECKONING - Chapter 18: The Reach

CHAPTER SUMMARY: A blatant proximity trope. That's what fan fics are for, right?!?!

This is one of my favorite chapters :) Because I am always here for a good proximity trope. If you think about it, the entire Rogue One movie is a forced proximity trope...Tony Gilroy and Gareth Edwards, I thank you.

In this chapter, Cassian says something in Kenari. I did some research about the language and I read that it's a mix of Spanish and Hungarian. Sadly, I don't know anything about Hungarian, but I learned a smattering of Mexican Spanish when I was in high school. So, I decided my version of Kenari would just be Spanish (firstly because I don't speak Hungarian and secondly because I wanted to show Diego respect). Thank you to my dear friend Adela for double checking my translation and helping me make it more accurate. (It's a small moment, but there's more to come in future chapters.)

I hope you enjoy!

READ THE FIC ON AO3

THIS IS A WHUMPY FIC W/GRAPHIC DEPICTIONS OF VIOLENCE. PLEASE HEED THE TAGS ON AO3.

——————–

CHAPTER 18: THE REACH

“One way out! One way out!”

Prisoners were pushing past him by the dozen, shouting their freedom chant as they jumped from the platform to the waves below. The crowd’s momentum pulled him backward, inch by inch getting closer to the edge. He stretched out his hand, reaching through the bodies. “Come on!” he shouted.

Jyn, dressed in the dehumanizing Narkina 5 uniform, cowered, pressing against the prisoners behind her. “I can’t,” she said shaking her head.

He could see she was terrified but this was their only chance. If they didn’t jump now, they’d be prisoners forever. “Jyn, take my hand! We have to go!”

She began to collapse to the ground. “I can’t swim.”

A large figure appeared at his side. He turned and found himself face to face with a man who preyed upon his memory. Kino Loy’s eyes were hard and filled with fury, his hulking body crowding Andor back until he teetered on the platform edge. Paralyzed by fear, the rebel’s own eyes widened with horror; he only had time for his gaze to shift from Kino to Jyn and back before the huge man brutally shoved him overboard. Jyn disappeared as the prison’s exterior wall rushed by. The fall lasted long enough to panic, but the plummet was so sickening Cassian couldn’t even scream. Instead of hitting icy water, he smashed into a durasteal beam, bouncing until he landed on a metal grate inside a citadel tower, every bone in his body bursting like stardust…

…Cassian’s eyelids dragged open.

He lay still for a long time, face down in his bunk, letting his heartrate and breathing return to normal before he allowed himself to move.

This one had felt real.

He hated vivid dreams.

His experience on Narkina 5 was so profoundly dark it had burned its memories into his bones. The prison’s clean orderliness had been a veneer barely masking a system that was so sinister, so hopeless, so deeply futile that it haunted Cassian to this day. Kino Loy, a man who commanded respect and led hundreds of men to a freedom he could never share, was one of Cassian’s deepest regrets. If he could go back and change one thing about his past, he would grab Kino and drag him to safety.

But it hadn’t been possible.

Cassian shivered as he realized he’d left Jyn on that platform just like he’d left Kino.

He rolled onto his back and stared up at the metal bulkhead.

He knew what it all meant; the nightmares weren’t exactly subtle. He was afraid of missing his chance, of being in the wrong place at the wrong time, or in the right place at the right time and messing it up, or making a stupid mistake that killed someone he cared about.

But he also knew he couldn’t control any of that. Which ultimately meant the dream was about living with fear, accepting it, facing it, thriving in spite of it.

Cassian rubbed his hands across his face. “I need coffee,” he grumbled.

What he really needed was a solid night’s rest that didn’t include nightmares of Jyn screaming, bleeding, or crying. Tarkin’s torture had pried open a level of vulnerability Cassian wasn’t sure how to heal. His nerves felt raw, like his past was fighting with the present. Everything Jyn said to him the night before lingered in his mind, battling with a lifetime of insignificance. He had grown up the outsider, the selfish taker, the lost boy. He’d been aimless, careless, and angry. But ever since he’d joined the Rebel Alliance, all that pent up emotion was directed into something meaningful. Even so, Jyn had been right; deep down, in spite of his efforts, Cassian thought he was living on borrowed time. He couldn’t imagine himself as an old man, couldn’t even picture where he’d be in a year, and he always assumed that meant he wouldn’t live to be very old. He’d survived by mere chance so many times that he figured one day fate would catch up and want him to pay his dues. After Jyn said she was proud of him, for the first time in his life Cassian began to wonder if he’d survived all the horror for a reason. Perhaps fate had spared him because he was, in fact, trying to give others the freedom and safety he’d never known.

His brow pulled together as an uncharacteristically buoyant idea crept into his mind. He thought of Jyn, of all the moments that, when you added them up, equaled something undeniable; tackling him to protect him from a grenade on Jedha, supporting his injured body on Scarif, rescuing him from Tarkin, sitting by his bedside holding his hand while he recovered in the medical ward. He hadn’t just survived; he’d been protected. Perhaps they weren’t living on borrowed time; perhaps his time with Jyn was a gift, an opportunity for something neither of them had ever dared accept.

The idea almost scared him.

He loved her; he could finally admit that to himself.

But loving someone meant you had something worth losing.

And that vulnerability terrified him.

Cassian had already lost too much.

Could he risk losing her?

That’s just love. Nothing you can do about that.

Maarva’s words made him catch his breath; he could not think of his mother without also feeling the dull blade of grief.

But he relaxed and closed his eyes, letting the feelings have their way. Cassian lay back, tucking his hands behind his head, and turned inward.

“OK, Mom,” he whispered.

——————–

Rogue One gathered in the bunk room again that evening for another round of sabacc. No one had any money to gamble, so for credits Bodhi purchased several boxes of horrendously sour candy in the ship’s exchange. Whenever someone won a hand, they were required to eat a candy. Jyn currently had tears streaming down her face as she stomped her boot on the floor. “You bastard!” she shouted as the others laughed. She went to crunch the candy in half but they all protested.

“No, no, no!” Cassian cried, grabbing her shoulder. “You can’t cheat!”

“You know the rules!” Bodhi guffawed.

Baze was wheezing so hard he couldn’t speak. No one had ever seen him laugh like that.

Chirrut was beaming, basking in the ebullience created by his friends in the Force.

“I’m literally sweating!” Jyn squawked. “What kind of monster are you?” she pointed at Bodhi. The pilot was in stitches, hugging himself while he laughed. “This candy is evil! Why are you punishing us for winning?”

They had never laughed so hard as a group. And they knew it. An air of awareness hung over them, each realizing what a relief it was to feel joy.

“All the blood has drained from your face,” Cassian burst out, bending forward over his knees as he lost control again.

She gently shoved him and smiled, holding the candy between her teeth. “Just wait ‘til it’s your turn, Andor!” Finally, the sweets dissolved and Jyn gasped for air, wiping sweat from her brow. “You absolute bastard!” she glared at Bodhi. “You look all innocent and mild on the outside, but deep down you’re a fiend.”

“Keeps the playing field even,” Bodhi chuckled.

The group threw more candy in the table’s center for an ante.

“I never want to win again,” Jyn said wiping her eyes.

They played for a long time, but, despite his best efforts, Cassian began fading quickly. When the game paused while Chirrut and Baze went in search of drinks, Jyn turned to him and spoke quietly. “Are you OK?”

“Yeah, why?”

“You can hardly keep your eyes open.”

He rubbed his face hard before pushing his hands up into his hair. “I haven’t been sleeping very well.”

“Is it odd being in a different place? A new ship, a new room?”

A grimace turned up the corner of his mouth. “No, I can sleep anywhere; on the ground, on a ship, in a prison, tied to a chair. I can do it all.”

She forced herself to smile.

“Is that joke too dark?” he teased.

Jyn rolled her eyes. “Of course not.”

He sighed and let his head droop forward.

“Bad dreams?” she asked, her voice serious again but still hushed.

He nodded.

She leaned toward him, her body pressing against his shoulder as she gently touched the fading bruise on his forehead. “No injuries today?” She brushed a rogue lock of hair off his brow.

Cassian turned.

Their eyes met.

And for a moment neither of them could breathe.

“It’s too quiet in my quarters,” he finally said, not breaking eye contact.

“Lets the bad dreams in?”

“I think so.”

She could hear Bodhi rummaging in his footlocker nearby. The members of Rogue One were not fools; Jyn suspected they all assumed something existed between her and Cassian, but she still didn’t like the idea of anyone examining her behavior, no matter what evidence they were looking for. Even so, she couldn’t pull her gaze away from Cassian’s. “What would help you sleep?”

He glanced down at her lips.

She could see that his breathing had deepened.

Suddenly, all Jyn wanted was to push her fingers through Cassian’s hair and close her lips over his. Instead, she swallowed thickly before saying, “Maybe you should try sleeping somewhere noisy.”

Bodhi slammed his locker shut just as Baze and Chirrut arrived with a bottle and glasses.

Cassian blinked and Jyn turned back to the group as Chirrut handed them drinks. “This should get the taste of those awful candies out of your mouth,” the guardian said with a smile.

“You’re a true hero, Chirrut,” Cassian said dryly before tossing the amber liquid down his throat in one go.

“I help where I can,” the guardian responded warmly.

They gathered around the table and shuffled out the cards again, but it wasn’t long before Cassian began to fall asleep sitting up.

“Perhaps I gave you too much,” Chirrut offered as Andor’s head dipped forward before jerking back.

“I’m a lightweight these days,” Cassian replied with a slightly drunken smile.

“I appreciate a cheap date,” the guardian snorted.

“Do you mind if I just lay down for a little?” he asked the group. His eyes shifted to Jyn’s. “I don’t mean to invade your personal space…”

She smiled and gestured with her head that she didn’t mind in the least.

Cassian crawled behind her, stretching out on his back.

“Do you want us to be quiet?” Bodhi asked.

“No,” Cassian replied, his eyes already closed. “I like the noise.”

The bunk was muffled and cozy. His friends continued their game as dark sleep crept around his consciousness. Cassian hadn’t felt this safe in a long time, Jyn sitting by his side, Chirrut laughing, Bodhi shuffling cards, Baze telling jokes. The noise was good. He tucked an arm behind his head, stuffing the pillow into a more comfortable position. His last thought before drifting off was that the soft fabric near his cheek smelled like Jyn.

——————–

When the card game broke up about an hour later, Cassian was deep in sleep. So deep, in fact, that Jyn couldn’t wake him. She shook his shoulder and said his name but received no response. She leaned closer and spoke louder. “Cass.” His left eyebrow pulled up for a second before going slack again. Jyn looked at Bodhi who hovered by her side. “I don’t know what to do.”

The pilot gave her a pathetic noncommittal look before saying, “Nothing you really can do.”

The overhead lights flashed, indicating lights out in five minutes.

“Shit!” Jyn grumbled, throwing up her hands. “Where am I supposed to sleep? I have an early meeting with Draven tomorrow. I need to get some rest.”

“Just get in there next to him,” Baze said, leaning down from his bunk above Jyn’s. “You can fit.”

The thought hadn’t crossed her mind, but she stooped in and found that she could squeeze in by the inside wall.

“If an officer sees you both, you’ll get in trouble,” Bodhi warned.

“I’m an officer, and so is he,” she said hiking her thumb at the unconscious Andor. “If you have a better suggestion, I’m happy to hear it.”

“You didn’t try very hard to wake him up.”

“Be my guest.”

Bodhi took a timid step forward before leaning into Jyn’s bunk. “Cassian,” he said loudly, shaking the commander by both shoulders. A small grunt came from the back of the sleeping man’s throat but other than that, he didn’t budge. Bodhi turned back to Jyn. “Yeah, he’s not waking up.”

“Thanks for your help,” she muttered sarcastically as the pilot retreated to his own bunk. The overhead lights flashed out and orange running lights came on along the floor. Jyn sighed and made up her mind. She grabbed hold of the rack above hers and climbed over Cassian’s body, careful not to jostle him. She pulled shut the long, black privacy curtain then settled against the inside wall. The bunks were incredibly narrow, and since Cassian was flat on his back taking up most of the room, she had to prop up on her right side. Jyn didn’t mind; she’d slept in worse conditions.

A thin line of orange light peeked through the curtain’s edge, backlighting Cassian’s features. Before drifting off she watched him, listened to his steady breathing, felt his weight on the mattress. Her last thought before falling asleep was that seeing him so peaceful was worth getting in trouble.

Hours passed and the room eventually settled and grew silent, apart from the usual sounds aboard a star freighter and the occasional snore.

In the night’s deepest hour Cassian became restless, his arms and legs contracting so much that it shook Jyn awake. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes, unsure what had roused her, but when she heard his panicked breathing she knew he was in the throes of a nightmare. At first, she wasn’t sure what to do; anyone startled from a bad dream could accidentally lash out. The last thing she needed was for Cassian to flail around in these close quarters and break her nose.

Eventually, she settled on trying to calm him without waking him, so she ran her hand across his chest and gently stroked her fingers along his collarbone. She tried to send calming, comforting energy through her palm into his heart.

Without warning he rolled onto his side toward her, bringing them so close together she could feel his breath on her cheek.

He sighed deeply.

She could sense he had awakened.

“Jyn?” he asked too loudly.

“Shhh,” she whispered.

“It’s so dark I can’t see.” he whispered back. “Did I fall asleep in your rack?”

“Yes.”

“Shit.”

He was quiet for a long time. She couldn’t see his face anymore since his shoulders now blocked the light coming in around the curtain’s edge.

He didn’t move to leave.

“Why didn’t you wake me up?” he finally asked, still keeping his voice quiet.

“I tried and so did Bodhi.” She shrugged in the darkness.

“But now what am I supposed to do?” She could hear the smile in his voice; he was teasing her. “What if someone sees me crawl out of your bunk?”

“Who cares?”

She could feel that his face had moved slightly closer to hers. “You don’t care?”

“No.”

“You don’t care how it looks?”

“I’ve never cared what other people think of me. It only matters what I think of me.”

Once again, they both fell silent. She could feel that he was breathing harder, just like her.

Jyn would be lying if she said this was an unpleasant predicament. Cassian’s friendship, their unspoken devotion, was a lovely, meaningful thing. But she could not deny that she found him absolutely and completely attractive. He was handsome to be sure, intelligent and disarming, but his good looks were magnified by far more important traits. No other man could both challenge and uplift her as he did. He was independent, confident, but not too proud to admit when he was wrong. He laughed with her, spoke to her as an equal, treated her with respect even when they first met and he wasn’t sure he could trust her.

Now that they were only inches apart, rolled together in a narrow ship rack in a room with fifty-nine other people, the rest of the galaxy seemed to disintegrate.

Cassian suddenly pulled her into his arms, breathing her name as he nuzzled against her, their lips brushing together. She cupped his face in her hands and gently traced his jaw, his cheek, his lips. He smelled like clear, fresh water warmed by the sun; she found him intoxicating. His fingers slipped up her neck and disappeared in her hair, pulling her even closer against him. Their eagerness was palpable, but they didn’t kiss. Instead, they clung to each other, as though Scarif’s scars demanded they finally come full circle, holding each other as they had on that deadly beach. Their breath came in shuddering gasps as an untenable dam of emotions threatened to break. Pleasure and pain and loss and joy surged to Cassian and Jyn’s surface. These two people, haunted by wrongs they could not right and misfortunes they could not repair, had finally reached for each other. That feat alone was a massive leap of faith, letting their guard down long enough to not just admit their desire, but to act on it.

She hooked her leg over his and completely closed the distance between their bodies. “Cassian,” she sighed, pulling his lips nearer.

His thumb gently played across her mouth. “Te quiero besar,” he whispered in a language he knew she didn’t understand.

She could feel his breath on her tongue.

Just as he was about to press his lips to hers, the bunk above them creaked and Baze grunted down the rack ladder, his foot shifting on the wrung mere inches from Cassian’s head on the other side of the curtain. Cassian froze, both he and Jyn instantly snapping back to reality. He listened wide-eyed as the guardian’s steps hit the floor and shuffled toward the bathroom.

He refocused on Jyn. “I should go. If I get caught here, we’ll both end up in the brig.”

She nodded.

They were disappointed by the interruption but energized by the wall that had suddenly come down between them. Cassian smiled and quickly pressed his cheek to hers. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he whispered in her ear. He drew back, one final caress sliding over her neck before rolling under the curtain. She couldn’t hear his steps as he walked away. Still a spy, she smiled to herself and pulled the blanket over her head.

——————–

END NOTES

NEXT CHAPTER IS CALLED “THE HOLOGRAM” - Jyn finally learns why she wasn't put on leave. She is not a happy camper. Brace for impact.

Thank you for reading!

Likes, comments, and reblogs are very welcome!

Much love!

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READ IT ON AO3- Kudos and Comments Welcome :-)

READ CHAPTER 1 “The Razor”

READ CHAPTER 2 “The Scythe”

READ CHAPTER 3 “The Cold”

READ CHAPTER 4 “The Expendable”