#building something that's just ours. a life a home a relationship etc.

[altschmerzes]

it's just that sometimes you're so... impossibly happy and full of so much incredible joy that you gotta post about it on the internet otherwise you may get on the roof with a bullhorn yknow.

#gav gab #FEELING VERY GOOD ABOUT MANY THINGS RN....... #I LOVE MY WIFE. MY WIFE LOVES ME. WE KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THAT MEANS AND IT BELONGS TO US. #other option is like... dropping the lonely island 'i just had sex' song into my friends' dms lsdkjfs #and they don't need me to be doing that LMAOOOO #it's not just the sex itself that's not even really the point #(though it's. very very good. and i have now learned some ALARMING stats about straight women in relationships) #(ladies if your husband/bf/partner won't take direction that is a failure on his part frankly) #it's like... idk #intimacy. trust. fun. security. safety. etc. all these things i already had with this wonderful person in my life #and being able to decide together what we want to do and what we want it to mean #building something that's just ours. a life a home a relationship etc. #for all that there's no like. blueprint for marrying someone In A Friend Way #and that can be anxiety inducing #(i felt like my heart was gonna pound out of my chest the first time i brought up maybe kissing my fiancee lskdjfs) #it also means we get to make all the rules #we get to make all of our decisions together in whatever way we want to make them and it means what we want it to #and i think that's one of the really wonderful things about like. qprs and committed platonic relationships etc #and it's something romantic relationships could benefit from too tbh #sex ment in tags

[smileysuh]

heart aches

🌙 starring. Jeong Jaehyun x afab!Reader

🔮 preview. Your ex finds your sweet spot as easily as ever, as if it hasn’t been two years since his tongue stroked this specific patch of skin and made your whole body tingle with pleasure. You let out a shaky sigh, threading your fingers through his hair and relaxing against the pillows. “Don’t leave me again,” you whisper. “Never again,” he promises.

tw/cw. foreplay, fingering, mutual masturbation, hand job hand fucking, spitting, finger sucking, inklings of oral fixation, praise, dirty talk, pining, reminiscing, breast worship, teasing, Jae being a simp, unprotected sex, handholding while fucking, Jae is pretty vanilla but pent up as hell, etc… I pet names: (hers) baby.

👹 rating.18+ explicit I wc. 5.3k

🍭 aus. ex's to lovers, non idol au, etc…

☀️ mlist + an. I don't normally do angst, but Idk, this felt right for some reason this month

Prologue:

“What’s wrong?” Jaehyun asks, watching you fiddle around the bedroom while he cuddles with your cat on the bed. 

Part of you wants to push back your feelings - you’d kind of been hoping to talk to him at the airport in the morning - but you should have known Jaehyun would realize something is up with you. It’s been a nice long weekend having him home with you.

It’s almost been like he never left.

Almost.

With a deep sigh, you go to sit on the foot of your mattress, staring down at your hands. “I can’t do this anymore,” you say quietly.

The room feels achingly silent, and then the comforter ruffles as Jaehyun sits up. “This?” he asks. 

“Us.” The word hurts to even say. “The distance… I mean, I knew continuing our relationship while you’re in a different city at a new university doing your graduate program would be rough… but… I just didn’t know I’d ever feel this lonely.”

Tears are welling in your eyes. You don’t want to break up with Jaehyun- he’s had your heart for four years. Starting over with someone new sounds impossible- but at the same time, being away from him hurts more than you could ever have imagined. It hurts when he calls you every night, being the perfect boyfriend, smiling and telling you about his day. It hurts because you thought you’d go through life together- you thought you’d be there to see it all yourself, not hear about it after the fact on the phone.

“Come here,” Jaehyun says softly, moving your cat off his lap so he can open his arms to you.

You allow Jaehyun to pull you into an embrace, his fingers stroking your hair. His heart is thundering in his ribcage, and you can hear it as you cuddle closer.

“I’m sorry that it came to this,” he breathes, “but I understand.”

You can’t help the tears now, and a choked sob escapes you. You grab at the front of his soft hoodie, wanting to crush the emblem of his new school. Part of you wishes he’d never been accepted into the elite business graduate program, but another part knows that Jaehyun deserves to be where he is now.

You love him, more than you’ve ever loved anyone, and that’s what makes this so painful.

Jaehyun needs to focus on his studies, to build a new life for himself across the country- and you need to do the same. You can’t be a ghost anymore, walking through life like a zombie and waiting to hear from him, constantly checking the time zone differences and calculating what he’s doing based on schedules.

“I can still…” you rub at your eyes, swallowing thickly, “I’ll take you to the airport in the morning-”

“It’s okay, baby,” Jaehyun shushes you gently, kissing the crown of your head. “I can get a cab.”

“Are you angry at me?” you ask, pulling away from his chest to look up at his face, worried about what you might find there.

“Of course not,” Jaehyun assures you, immediately stroking a thumb across your cheek to wipe away your tears. “No matter how much I didn’t want to admit it, I knew things had changed when I moved away. I could see that the distance was a problem. You have needs, and I’m proud of you for voicing them, even if it hurts.”

“My heart is breaking,” you whimper.

Jaehyun frowns. “Mine too.”

“You’re really not mad at me?”

“I could never be mad at you,” Jaehyun promises. “I think it will be easier to talk about this with time, if that’s something you’d be interested in. But for now, how do you feel about just laying down, holding each other, and doing our best to enjoy tonight- if it’s going to be our last.”

It might be easier if he was mad at you, if he yelled and swore and tried to make you change your mind- but Jaehyun’s never been an abusive type. Instead, he holds you close, and as you softly cry on his chest, you begin to drift off to sleep.

One

Even in a crowded bar, one distant laugh makes your blood run cold. You grip your drink, heart thundering in your rib cage as you scan your surrounding area.

It’s been two years since you broke up with Jaehyun. Even so, you’d recognize his voice anywhere.

“You good?” your best friend asks, reading your change in expression.

“Yeah, I just thought I heard-” as you’re about to say his name, you spot Jaehyun. He’s leaning against the bar top, chatting with a man whose back is to you.

God, he still looks so good. 

Your chest aches, throat going dry. As you watch him, his eyes move to take in the bar. You’re quick to shift your gaze, lifting your drink to your lips to down the rest of it. 

“I need to get out of here,” you mutter.

“What? Why?” Your friend reaches for your arm, pulling you closer to check in on you.

“My ex is here.”

“Which one?”

“Which one do you think?” You let out a laugh, but there’s no humor in it.

“Fuck.” 

“Yeah. Listen, have fun, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” You hand her your empty glass, giving her one last look before you turn to head to the entrance of the bar. 

You can feel eyes on you as you push through the crowd, but you chalk it up to being paranoid. You slip through the front doors, intent on hailing a taxi. As you make it to the cement sidewalk, you hear your name behind you, and that familiar voice has your blood running cold for a second time tonight.

“Y/N?”

Your whole body freezes, and for a moment, you truly consider running. But you’ve already run from Jaehyun once before, and you don’t have it in yourself to do it again.

With a deep breath, you turn to face your ex, your first love, the man you’ve never recovered from.

“I thought that was you,” Jaehyun mutters quietly, shoving his hands into his pockets as he stares at you.

You don’t even know what to say, so you keep your mouth shut, taking in his pretty face and the broad set of his shoulders. 

“Sorry, maybe I shouldn’t have followed you,” he admits finally. “It doesn’t look like you want to talk.”

Jaehyun turns to head back inside, and your body reacts on its own accord; you grab at his arm, and it makes him stop. He looks down at your hand, wrapped around his forearm, then up at you.

“We…” you swallow thickly, “we can talk. I just… I don’t know what to say.”

“That makes two of us.” 

You drop your hand from his arm when you realize he’s not going anywhere.

“I uh…” Jaehyun clears his throat. “I got back to town a month ago. Meant to message you- but I didn’t know what to say then either.”

“You completed your program?”

“Yup. With flying colors.”

“I guess I always expected you to be a big shot and move to some other city- what are you doing back here?”

“Unfinished business… maybe.” Jaehyun dips his head, looking down at the ground. You watch him absentmindedly kick at an old cigarette butt.

He can’t be talking about you… can he?

“Anyways,” Jaehyun meets your eyes again, “how’ve you been?”

“I’ve been…” you search for the right word, “okay.” 

“Yeah? Happy?”

“Sort of. You?”

Jaehyun shrugs, offering you a lopsided smile that makes your heart ache. “Sort of. It was two years of studying. Didn’t have much time for extracurriculars, as you know.”

So your breakup is still a sore spot for him, you can sense it in his words. He’s not outwardly saying it, but… it’s there all the same. There’s something of an apology in his statement, because you do know how hard it was for him to find time for things outside of school- it had been the main reason you’d had to call things off with him.

“How about you?” he presses. “Any uh… any protective boyfriend who’s about to show up and beat my ass?”

You can’t believe he’s asking you outright about this, and the question actually makes you let out a small laugh. You shake your head. “No. No boyfriend.”

“Good. I mean… I hoped you were happy, but uh, you know, it’s nice to hear that, well, you know what I mean.” Jaehyun looks down again, and you can see his ears turning red.

It’s as clear as day that Jaehyun still cares about you. The way he’s acting tells you everything you need to know… well, almost everything.

“So…” you wrap your arms around yourself, “are you planning on leaving again? Do you know how long you’ll be in town?”

“Nothing is set in stone,” Jaehyun admits, cocking his head to the side as he looks at you. “Listen, I’m just going to say it.” He takes a deep breath, meanwhile, you can’t even breathe. “I never got over you. I mean, how could I? You’re everything, and- I understand why we broke up, I really do. But my program is over now, and if you give me another chance, I promise not to go anywhere ever again, at least, not without you right there by my side.”

“Jaehyun-”

“If you need some time to think about it, I totally get that-”

Jaehyun goes to take a step back, and you find yourself grabbing at him once more. Your body simply can’t let him go- not now, not ever again.

Your ex looks down at your hand on his forearm, and as you open your mouth to give him your response, no words come to mind. Your gaze dips to his lips, and before you know what you’re even doing, you’re moving in to kiss him.

Jaehyun is frozen in place at the initial meeting of your lips, but after a moment, you feel his body relax. His hands gently slip to your waist, tugging you closer as he slants his mouth against your own. You feel him release a small groan, and a whimper bubbles in your chest.

How many times have you dreamt of this moment? How many times have you thought about kissing Jaehyun? 

Your arms wrap around the back of his neck, and you allow yourself to get lost in the feeling of him-

Someone lets out a whistle, and you roughly pull back from Jaehyun, your eyes finding the two bouncers outside the bar, who are staring at you with wolfish grins.

“Is there somewhere we can go to talk?” Jaehyun asks, resting his forehead against your own.

“Come home with me.”

Two

It feels like deja vu to be walking into your apartment with Jaehyun. You’ve had the same unit for years- and you know it must feel even weirder for your ex to be here again after practically living here with you for half of your time in university together. 

As you toss your keys onto the entryway table, you hear a familiar meow. Your cat slinks in from the kitchen, but instead of heading to you, she immediately moves toward Jaehyun’s feet, letting out an obnoxiously loud purr as she begins to rub against him.

“Looks like Mittens hasn’t forgotten me either,” Jaehyun smiles, immediately bending down to pick up the fluffy grey and white kitty. She leans into his touch, purring like an engine as he scratches he cheeks. Her paws begin to make softies on his arm, and it makes your heart ache.

You’ve dated a few guys casually in Jaehyun’s absence, and Mittens has never liked any of them. She always was a daddy’s girl- after all, you’d started dating Jaehyun only a few months after you’d picked her up from the shelter. 

You still have pictures of the two of them on your phone, hidden in a secret file- you’d never had the heart to delete them, and as you watch their reunion, you’re glad you never did.

“She missed you,” you admit. “We both did.”

You watch Jaehyun’s Adam’s apple bob with effort, your words clearly invoking emotion. You’re quick to look away.

“Can I get you anything?” you ask, kicking off your shoes. “I had a few drinks at the bar, was planning on making a grilled cheese-”

“You still do that?” Jaehyun asks.

“Yeah.” Your throat feels dry admitting another ghost of your past you still haven’t been able to shake. “I still do that.”

Grilled cheese after a night out had always been your thing, and when you’d started dating Jaehyun, it had become his thing too. You can’t even count how many nights the two of you came home from university parties only to make a grilled cheese and collapse on your bed, giggling and kissing like kids in love.

“A grilled cheese sounds perfect,” Jaehyun says. “Thank you.”

He follows you into the kitchen. As you begin to make the late-night snack, you realize Jaehyun has no intention of putting Mittens down. She basks in his attention, letting out upset chirps any time he tries to stop petting her to help you in small ways.

Jaehyun asks you about your job, and from that, the two of you begin to talk about your lives over the past two years. It feels too natural to slip into this type of conversation. His presence is so calming and familiar- by the time you’re done making the grilled cheese for you to share, it’s almost as if the past two years never happened. 

It’s almost as if you never left him.

Almost as if he never left you first.

“Do you want to eat in here?” Jaehyun asks, heading to the small kitchen table.

“We can go to my bedroom,” you say softly. “Unless you wanted to be here.”

“Your bedroom is good.” 

He follows you through your apartment, but when you get to your room, he stops in the doorway.

“I can’t get over how little this place has changed,” he muses, looking at the layout of the space.

“Yeah,” you sit down on your bed, lifting your legs onto the mattress and setting the plate by your knee. “I guess I’m used to it like this.”

Jaehyun knows all too well how comfortable you get, how hard it is for you to make changes. You think it must be one of the reasons he never fought the breakup. If you’d gotten to the point of needing an emotional separation to deal with the physical distance, pushing you to change your mind would have only made things worse.

“Can we come sit with you?” Jaehyun asks.

“Of course.” You gesture to the mattress. “Make yourself at home, Jae.”

With a small chuckle, he comes to join you. He’s careful when he sets Mittens down, and she immediately stretches, letting out a massive yawn before coming to investigate the grilled cheese.

Jaehyun reaches for his half of the sandwich. “I missed these.”

“It’s just a grilled cheese,” you laugh.

“Yeah, but there’s something special about the way you make it. I can’t explain it.”

You can only offer him a smile as you both lift the gooey, cheesy, greasy, crispy bread to your lips. The crunch is satisfying, and Jaehyun shifts the food to his right hand so he can pet Mittens with his left. 

The two of you eat in silence, but there’s nothing uncomfortable about it. As your meal comes to a quick end, your phone begins to ring, and you stand up to answer it. “Give me a sec,” you tell him, exiting the room while Mittens rushes to follow you.

“Hey girl,” your best friend says. “You okay?”

“I’m good.”

“Seeing your ex must have been pretty hard.”

“Actually, uh…” you look toward your open bedroom door, swallowing thickly then lowering your voice, “he’s at my apartment with me.”

“What!?”

“Yeah, we’re talking things out.”

“Just talking?” You can hear the cheeky grin in her voice.

“Don’t be like that,” you laugh.

“Girl, you and that man were a dream couple. He’s the one that got away, and now he’s in your apartment- he’s probably sitting on your bed, eating grilled cheese-”

“God, stop,” you groan. “Am I that predictable?”

“Nah, it was hashtag just couple things. Okay, look, obviously you’re doing good- I was worried you were somewhere crying and drowning yourself in booze. I’ll leave you be. Say hi to him for me.”

“Will do.” You hang up, looking down at Mittens. She’s circling your feet, and with a sigh, you go to refill her food bowl. You’d given her lunch hours ago, and you feel bad that she just watched you down a grilled cheese with nothing for her own little mittens to get a hold of.

Also… your best friend knows you too well. 

Your body is reacting to Jaehyun as if there was never a separation- or maybe, your body is reacting because there was a separation. Your pulse is picking up with each step back to your bedroom, and when you close the door behind you, Jaehyun cocks a brow, finishing his grilled cheese with one last large bite.

“You good?” he asks.

“I’m great,” you tell him, approaching the bed.

“Yeah?” Jaehyun’s gaze moves to the closed door, and he offers you a dimpled grin, mischief flaring on the edges of his expression. “You locked out Mittens.”

Nothing gets past this man. You’ve never loved getting intimate while Mittens is trying to hog Jaehyun’s attention, and you shouldn’t be surprised that he got you figured out the moment you closed the door to your bedroom.

“Don’t even with me, Jae.” You sigh, collapsing onto the mattress next to him while he moves the grilled cheese plate to the side table.

“Look, I don’t want you to feel any pressure just cuz I’m here and we’re sitting on your bed-”

“Does it look like I feel pressure?” you ask, hyper-aware of the way your dress is riding up your thighs.

Jaehyun gives you a slow once-over. “I guess not.”

“You really mean what you said about not going away a second time?” You look down. “Because I don’t think I could take it if we gave this another try and three months down the line you moved cities again.” 

Your ex nods. “I promise. If you give me one more chance, I won’t let you down.”

You stare at Jaehyun for a moment, studying the sincerity on his face. “Okay.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” You open your arms, resting back against the pillows and spreading your legs. “Now come here.”

Jaehyun practically leaps on top of you. He slots between your thighs like he was made to be there, his mouth pressing to your own while you wrap him in a tight embrace. He kisses you like he’s been starved of your lips. 

He retains some of the gentleness that he’d exhibited outside of the club, but there’s a desperation too, you can almost taste it on him… along with the grilled cheese.

The thought makes you smile, and Jaehyun breaks the kiss to look down at you, also grinning. “What?”

“Nothing, just- I’m happy.”

“Me too,” he admits, looking down at your beaming face before he grabs your jaw between his thumb and forefinger, angling your head to the side so he can access your neck. Your ex finds your sweet spot as easily as ever, as if it hasn’t been two years since his tongue stroked this specific patch of skin and made your whole body tingle with pleasure. 

You let out a shaky sigh, threading your fingers through his hair and relaxing against the pillows.

“Don’t leave me again,” you whisper.

“Never again,” he promises, voice husky in your ear.

His hand slides down the curve of your body, grasping at your thighs and slowly pushing your dress up. Your hips move, rutting in an attempt to spur him on. When his fingers finally find your core through your panties, you swear you see stars. He begins to rub your clit, circling it as he applies more and more pressure. 

His mouth continues on your neck, and you begin to whimper from the stimulus.

You’d nearly forgotten how good it feels to be touched by someone who knows you inside and out- by someone who cares about your pleasure more than he’s ever cared about his own.

“Jae,” you whimper, breathing heavily as he rubs your core. 

“Yes, baby?” His lips are gentle along your throat, and the feather-light touch almost teases you more than a rougher one would.

“Can we skip the foreplay? I need you.”

Jaehyun’s fingers stop on your clit, and he pushes himself up on an elbow, looking down at you with a quizzical set to his brow. “Skip the foreplay?” he repeats, letting out a scoff. “Baby, I’ve been thinking about what I’d do to you if you ever gave me a second chance for over two years. We’re not skipping the foreplay.”

“But-”

“Please don’t argue with me. Just let me have this. Just let me enjoy the body I’ve missed so much. I’ve missed your sounds, the way you react to my touch-” his fingers pick up their pace on your clit again, and you let out a whine, pushing toward him again. “See? You’re perfect. No matter how many memories of this I have, nothing compares to the real thing.”

When you’d been dating Jaehyun initially, he was - for lack of a better word - pretty vanilla. This dirty talk is new, and it makes your stomach erupt into butterflies. Your mind goes practically blank, lulled into a lusty trance by the musings of a man who’s clearly bewitched by you, body and soul.

When your gaze dips down to his hand between your thighs, you notice the way his cock is straining in his pants. “Can I…” you swallow thickly, “Can I touch you too?”

“Yeah.” His mouth returns to your throat, and he pushes your panties to the side, dragging his fingers through your soaked folds. “Fuck, baby, you’re so wet for me.”

You mewl at his words, quickly fumbling with the button of his pants so you can push them down just far enough to take his cock out of his briefs. Jaehyun releases a low groan and it makes your pussy flutter as you begin to stroke him.

Your ex reacts by slipping his fingers into your core, two long digits going knuckle deep. He tests your walls, grazing your g-spot when he begins to lazily pump his hand, his palm firmly pressing to your clit.

A whimper of pleasure escapes you, and you can feel Jaehyun grin against your neck. “The prettiest sounds,” he muses. “How did you ever get this pretty?”

It’s a rhetorical question, and it makes you feel cock drunk and dumb, your chest pushing up against his own, looking for stimulus- your nipples are hard in your bralette, but you wish you were naked already, wish you could feel him better-

“Jae?”

“Yes, baby?”

“Can you take my dress off?”

Jaehyun pulls his hand away from your core, bringing his two wet fingers to your lips. He pushes them into your mouth, propping himself up so he can look down at you while you suck his digits clean. “I thought you’d never ask.”

You groan around his fingers, the act of sucking is turning you on more than you’d care to admit, but it ends too quickly as Jaehyun pulls his hand away.

He sits up, taking off his own shirt first. Then he reaches down to grab at the hem of your dress, slowly dragging it up your form. Jaehyun’s eyes take in each strip of newly exposed skin, and you can see the way his pupils have blown with interest.

You lift your shoulders off the bed, making it easier for him to tear the fabric off of you and toss it to the side. This leaves you in your bralette and panties, both of which you’re eager to have join your dress on the floor.

Jaehyun’s hand reaches out to cup your breast, his thumb smoothing over the pebbled nipple that’s pushing through the silky fabric. He squeezes you gently, forcing you to release a moan of pleasure. 

A moment later, he’s removing your panties, then your bra, fingers pinching at your newly exposed nipple.

Your hand, meanwhile, returns to his cock- only for Jaehyun to grab at your wrist, pulling you away.

You’re about to ask what’s wrong, but then Jaehyun turns your hand palm up, and he spits into the center of it, bringing it back to his cock. 

There’s no way that action should have been as sexy as it was- your core throbbing as you begin to stroke his rock-hard length. 

With one last lustful look at your body, Jaehyun settles over top of you again, his mouth seeking out your breasts while you pump his cock. The feeling of his tongue flicking against you has you crying out, pushing your chest toward his mouth. His teeth graze over your sensitive nipple and you respond by applying more pressure to his cock.

Jaehyun groans loudly, rutting his hips into your hand, which stills so you can allow him to fuck your palm. He continues to worship your breasts while his hips do most of the work, and you surrender yourself to the pleasurable scenario you’ve found yourself in.

“You know…” Jaehyun presses another kiss to your nipple, “I was going to ask you to sit on my face, but… it’s hard being this close to your pretty pussy and not just… slipping it in.”

“Yeah?” You guide his cock closer to your core, so that when he ruts his hips, the tip of his cock glides through your soaked folds. “Then just do it.”

“Here I was, saying not to skip the foreplay- but here I am, giving in to you like always.” 

Jaehyun releases a laugh, and it makes you giggle along with him, because it’s true. Jaehyun may have this sexy, devil-may-care attitude, but he’s always been a total simp for you. 

He was completely wrapped around your finger when you first met, and he’s completely wrapped around your finger now. It’s interesting how so much can change, and so little can change at the same time. 

“You just feel so good,” Jaehyun groans, thrusting again, the tip of his pretty pink flushed cock just slipping inside of you- 

“Fuck, Jae, please-” you push your chest up toward his face again, pumping his length, trying to guide him deeper-

He brings his mouth to your own, capturing you in a breathtaking kiss as he sheaths himself into your wet core.

You let out a low whine, wrapping your legs around his hips and releasing his cock in favor of grabbing his shoulders, your nails digging into his skin.

“Fuck-” Jaehyun moans, staying still inside of you while your walls pulse around his shaft. “Missed this perfect pussy, baby.”

“Missed your perfect cock,” you retort, tangling your fingers in his soft hair and drawing him in for another kiss.

His tongue clashes against your own, his hands finding your hips so he can steady himself as he begins to rut into you. 

You love getting lost in him. You can feel your mind slipping away, your body giving into its primal instincts as Jaehyun makes love to you the way he has so many times before.

One of his hands finds your own, taking it from his shoulder and lacing your fingers above you, pressing you into the pillow. He breaks the kiss to look down at you, breathing heavily.

“There’s so much I’ve wanted to say,” Jaehyun admits.

“Then say it,” you urge him, cupping his cheek with your free hand.

He nuzzles against your palm, closing his eyes for a moment while he enjoys your touch. “I’ve missed everything about you. You’ve been on my mind every day for two years.”

Your heart aches.

“It’s more than just the sex, and you know it. I’ve missed holding you,” he squeezes your hand, “missed sleeping next to you. Missed late-night talks and grilled cheese. Missed your laugh and the way your eyes light up when you’re happy. Missed the way you cry at sad parts in movies-”

As he talks, the pace of his thrusts gets faster, and you find it harder and harder not to moan like a whore and interrupt his cute little speech about missing you. 

In fact, it’s hard to even keep your eyes open, but your gaze is caught in his own. Jaehyun’s staring into your soul, baring himself to you like a man who’s brought all his walls down. 

“I love you,” Jaehyun says gruffly, “I’ve never stopped loving you. Not for one single day. It’s you, and it’s always been you.”

Your stomach muscles clench at his admission, orgasm bubbling to the surface fast from the combination of his movements and his words.

“You don’t have to say anything,” he assures you, licking his lips. “Just rub your clit and let me feel your perfect pussy clench around me as you cum, that will be answer enough.”

With a loud whine, you throw your head back against the pillow, threading your free hand between your bodies. The first touch of your fingers on your clit has you throbbing already, and you release a gasp.

“That’s it, baby,” Jaehyun coos, lips finding your throat. “Just like that.”

“Jae-”

“I know, I know you’re close- must be pent up like me, right? We’re both going to cum way too fast, but that’s okay, we have all the time in the world to enjoy each other- the way I’m going to eat your perfect pussy for breakfast tomorrow morning-”

Your core pulses at the thought, and you rub your clit harder.

“Gonna let go for me, right, baby? I’m so close, want you to cum with me.”

“I’m there-” you tell him, shivering as he licks the sweet spot on your throat. ‘Fuck, Jae-”

“You want me to cum inside right? You’re still on the-”

“Cum inside,” you interrupt him. “God, fuck, please- need you to fill me up-”

Jaehyun groans, squeezing your hand again. His lips move from your neck to your mouth, and your tongues clash in a breathless, moan-filled frenzy, your orgasms just out of reach-

One more whimpered “please” out of you has Jaehyun moaning, his high crashing into him. You can feel him filling you up with his cum, and it triggers your own orgasm. A gasp escapes you, your sensitive nipples pressing against his chiseled chest-

You can feel him everywhere. He’s all-consuming. You completely let go, sounds uninhibited, pussy throbbing harder than it has in the past two years. 

Jaehyun fucks you through it, until you’re both sweaty, gasping messes. Then he collapses on top of you, giving your captured hand one last squeeze before adjusting. He rolls off of you just enough to tuck you close to his chest, hand finding your hair and beginning to pet you.

You can hear the racing of his heart as he catches his breath.

As you come down from your high, you feel a welling of emotion bubbling inside of you. You’re shocked when a tear rolls down your cheek, and you’re quick to brush it away. Jaehyun notices the movement and tilts his head to assess you.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” you sniffle. “I’m just…. I’m happy, and I missed you a lot.”

“Baby,” Jaehyun’s fingers draw pretty nothings on your back, “I promise I’m not going anywhere ever again.”

☀️ mlist + an. Thank you so much for reading! I've been reading a lot of shorter smut fics recently, and after doing such a big kick-off in January, I wanted to try a shorter piece again, and challenge myself with a little angst :)

🍭 support me by. sending a tip here or here - or become a patron to access monthly bonus content and extensions for fics like this one :) find the Patreon teaser below! 

🔮 preview. “Listen, I promised myself I wasn't going to cum in or on you tonight - you know, seeing as you’re my wife tomorrow and I don’t want to disrespect you - but since you’re begging for it,” Jaehyun slips the tip of his cock inside of you, only to pull away, “I guess I can settle for cumming on your ass, but only if we shower together after.”

cw/ tw. Unprotected sex, creampie, pussy eating champ Jae, pussy worship, fingering, 69, blow job, hand job, deep throating, gentle choking, begging, dirty talk, slight cum kink/mentions of exhibitionism,  finger sucking, multiple reader orgasms, etc…   I petnames. (hers) baby. 

👹 rating. 18+ explicit I wc. 3.1k I teaser wc. 200

🌙 starring. Jaehyun x afab!Reader

bonus

Since you got back with Jaehyun over a year ago, the two of you haven’t been separated for longer than twelve hours, but tomorrow is the day of your wedding, and there are certain traditions about the bride and groom staying apart- so here you are, cuddled on a couch in your hotel room, missing your fiance.

When your phone rings and Jaehyun’s pretty face shows up as the contact on your screen, you fumble over yourself to pause your movie and answer it. “Jae?”

“Hey, baby. What room are you in again?”

You think about it for a moment. You’d never actually told him where you’re staying in the hotel… “Why do you want to know?”

“Maybe I wanna send my fiance flowers before our wedding tomorrow.” 

God, why’s he so charming?

You give him your room number without a second thought, hanging up with an ‘I love you.’ 

Five minutes later, there’s a knock at the door, and you open it to find Jaehyun standing there with a massive dimpled grin on his face, and a vase of flowers in his hands. “Hi, baby.”

☀️ to read the full fic AND 3.1k bonus NOW, subscribe to my Patreon, then click here

👹 or check out what else is on my patreon here

🔮if nothing strikes your fancy, check out my m.list

general taglist

@gotshinct - @subhyuck - @fraechan - @learnthisfeeling

@runahways - @d-abin - @milkteade - @woogyuhae 

@anothershorthuman - @nihxxy - @vantxx95 - @bangshii

@poutypoutybin - @notbeforelong - @creepybakeoven

@ninetechculture - @yungiland - @suhsfam - @binchangf

@chogiwapadada - @librarian-stacks - @meowniee

@learnthisfeeling - @gigilame - @cumtrov3rsy

@mocha000 - @darthlunaa​ - @just-here-to-read-01​ - @shiningnono

@lovelyhan - @grilledbananas - @aaniag

✘ nct taglist

@milkyway-vxm - @nctsawrus - @shiningdery - @freezerandfame

@fairieblog - @fairybr3ad - @peachyjaemin - @chemaistry

@sehunniepot

thank you to those who interacted with the teaser :)

@bobathi - @jeffreysleftdimple - @babieculture - @nominsgirl

@viscade - @axo-l0tl - @icedearlgreytea - @shiningnono

#jaehyun #jaehyun smut #nct #nct smut #nct 127 #nct 127 smut #jeong jaehyun #jeong jaehyun smut #jaehyun nct #nct jaehyun #nct jaehyun smut #jaehyun nct smut #jaehyun x reader #jeong jaehyun x reader

[wombywoo]

do you have any ghostsoap favorite fics, perhaps?

boy do I....

I should preface this by saying that I'm pretty...particular with what types of fics I enjoy reading (I only like certain character interpretations/tropes/writing styles, etc) so bear with me...

These are all mostly canon-compliant, non-AUs, ones that I regard highly~

Seasons--by StinglessWasp: This is pretty much my go-to fic rec for anyone into CoD and ghostsoap in general. It showcases everything I love about these characters, in a setting that feels as authentic to the games as possible, while also exploring the depth and sincerity hidden under the surface. So well-written and paced--the dialogue and military references all contribute to that 'feels like a mission out of the game' experience. Plus, I just love this interpretation of our boys--the humor, the inner struggles, the intimacy--Wasp 100% *gets* these characters and it's a joy to read <3

Except You, You Can Stay--by Iravaid: While this one isn't *technically* ghostsoap until the last chapter, in my opinion, it's required reading for anyone who gives a shit about Simon Riley. This is *the* character study--an intimate dissection of Ghost's past that seems so realistic and grounded, you forget how ludicrous those comics really are. Ira takes such care in treating these heavy topics with delicacy and effectiveness. Each chapter has you going 'oh wow, this is even better than the last', but as a whole--it's a stunning, fleshed-out glimpse into Simon as the character he was always meant to be. And the final chapter which eases you into his relationship with Johnny is so authentic and sweet, it just makes perfect sense that they should be together, and that this poor poor man deserves some goddamn love <3

bleeding in the house of god--by revolvermonkcelot: This is a really great 'missing scene' fic, a perfect opportunity to explore the in-between moments that the game so carelessly chooses to gloss over. I can't praise Monk's writing enough--it's slick and crisp and very tasty; the imagery just jumps off the page and you can practically feel the sweat. Plus, the dialogue exchanges between our two boys are so well-timed and in-character--love all the slang and British references~ This whole fic reads like an addition to their mission flirting, and I'm all for it! You can truly tell this author has such deep understanding and experience with this franchise (winkwinkwink, this is a joke) Read it--it's good!

The Dead are all Living--by Kabbal: This fic blew me away when I first read it. It's such a unique take on the retirement trope, I just adore this interpretation of Simon as an aging recluse while he builds his home. I tend to lean towards more subtle, grounded characterizations of Mr Riley, and this really fits the bill. All of these glimpses and fragments into his post-military life contribute to an overarching love story; the scenes with Johnny are so poignant, it's like you're pining alongside them both. I love how not-perfect they are; flawed and difficult and real. There are some moments and lines that just....struck something in me so deeply. I'm sure I'll still be thinking about it for a long long time <3

Portrait of Taction--by a_platypus: Another Simon-centric fic that I absolutely love. The character voice in this is off the charts, I can hear him so vividly in all of his inner dialogue and stunted attempts at conversation. Simon is so endearingly dense in this fic, you're just waiting for him to finally get his act together, but the clumsy, oblivious steps he takes in his relationship with Soap are truly a treat to read. I love this version of Johnny too--confident and considerate, but still hopelessly crushing on his superior. It's comedic, well-written, and the paragraphs describing Soap's journal give some of the best insights into his character I've seen <3

come on, haunt me--by flyby2: This was a really good long fic that I took my time savoring. What could have been a typical 'on leave' fic instead took time to develop a unique spin on the backstories as well as throwing our boys into some wholesome encounters. Both Soap and Ghost felt very true to character, and I appreciate the exploration of PTSD and the subsequent struggles that come along with...all that. There was a really nice balance in having their romance spread across the chapters, and I can promise a very sweet, happy conclusion <3

in the mess of it all--by flowersferns: A lovely one-shot that exhibits some of my favorite aspects of these two characters. I'm a sucker for 'one of them is hurt, the other is freaking out, they are both idiots in love, etc'. There are some really great dialogue and character moments in this, plus the overall prose hits hard. Love this take on their romance--the mutual trust, the familiarity of their bond. And just the general theme of impermanence--the inevitability of what this relationship means for them--two soldiers, willing and ready to sacrifice their lives at a moment's notice, still clinging to each other because...god...that's all they have---big fan of this :'D <3

Lapsus--by Lisbetadair: Another really great one-shot and 'missing scene' fic. The authenticity in the writing is spot-on--it's like you can feel Soap's pain right off the bat. I love how smoothly the banter flows between the two, and the attention to detail and references all help lend to that 'hardened military man' exterior. Ghost smelling like flowers because of a face wipe is such a delightful addition, plus the scene where Soap is, ah, donald-ducking it in just a t-shirt with his jewels out is such a funny mental image, I still think of it fondly from time to time. It's funny, it's surprisingly cute, it's very in-character. Stick around for some awkward but adorable cuddles <3

I'm sure I have more to recommend, but these are the ones I can personally endorse for now~

#asks #fic rec #I've never actually done a fic rec list like this before... #a small glimpse into my nightly routine of browsing the ao3 trenches for something remotely readable 🫡 #funny how most of these are Ghost centric... #I'm *very* particular on how I prefer Soap to be portrayed and wooo boy...is it a struggle 😔

[anarchofairy]

also i have to start calling my paramours pet names or i think i will die

#darling dearest love sweetheart etc etc #im just Nervous bc our relationships are very much Not Defined #and this Not Defined has been going on for about two months (e) one month (m) #if i was smart i would have established myself as someone who uses pet names more casually for everyone #but i was not and now im in a Fucking Pickle #idk what exactly im feeling for them but e put their arms around me half asleep last night and i felt my heart grow a new valve and open #so its something for sure #had to physically restrain myself from calling the two of them 'loves' in our silly little groupchat #m referred to us as 'lovers' once and i nearly had a real cardiac emergency. im emotionally repressed so i mean that literally #i had physical sensations in my heart area and i nearly threw my phone #im also v confused bc whatever fairly powerful shit i feel toward e is very different to what im getting with c #like with e it was kind of a slow build and with c it was like our second long in-depth time spent together after they came home with me #and romantic attraction just hit me like a FUCKING truck. never felt anything like in it my whole damn life #like its hard to look at them sometimes because i can't take the intensity of the pull i have toward them i sound ridiculous #bc like i don't properly know them yet!! #im being very very careful with my new relationships and just because i want it to be farther along than it is doesn't mean i can act like #im in love or something #i wish there was a word for this middle stage. affection + attraction. #also what do i call all these people. they are not my partners. absolutely not yet too soon #im calling them paramours here (my diary) and to my friends over dms but im not saying that out loud i dont think #conari #<- is the tag u blacklist if u wanna avert ur gaze from my diaryposting

[leejenowrld]

could you write a scene where jeno & y/n talk about their future with kids?? like asking how many kids they wants, how they want to raise them up etc up to your imagination! i think it’ll be cute since jeno has already made it clear he WILL marry her 🥰🥹

something quick and cute i wrote whilst sitting in my terminal <3

Amidst the soft glow of fairy lights, you and Jeno found yourselves wrapped in each other's warmth on the couch, immersed in a date night that felt like a haven. The emotional yet comforting family movie played on the screen, ��Instant Family,’ a masterpiece. it unexpectedly unravels a cascade of feelings within you.

Sobbing into Jeno's chest, he shushed and comforted you with warm hugs and tender kisses to your temple. The movie's resonance lingered until you stopped shaking, tear-stained eyes meeting his as a frown crept onto your face.

"What's wrong?" he asked, a small smile playing on his lips.

"I don't know why, but that movie made me think about us, our future."

You’re both 25, engaged, living in a new home, and growing more in love with each passing day. The topic of having kids had always been part of your conversations, and in the intimate glow of the moment, you couldn't help but ask, "When do you see yourself having my babies?" No filter, no hesitation, just the transparent openness that defined your relationship.

Jeno thought for a moment before responding with a soft smile. "I want to get married first and enjoy our life as newlyweds, but let's say you fall pregnant now, or any time soon, I wouldn't mind." Grinning, his words brought a small tear to your eye as you marvelled at the depth of your love and the journey you'd taken together.

The conversation naturally flowed into discussing the number of kids you wanted. Jeno contemplated, "Maybe 2 or 3. I think more will eat my brain, but I want a cute family." Your smile mirrored his sentiments, knowing you shared the same mindset about these things. Curious about his preferences, you asked if he wanted a boy or a girl. "I just want healthy and beautiful babies who all look like you," he confessed.

“You’re crazy! They’re all gonna look like you, I will speak it into existence.”

Playfully arguing about whose features the babies should inherit, Jeno expressed his love for the idea of a mini-you, while you envisioned adorable duplicates of him. As the banter continued, you cooed, "I can just imagine our future son and you being attached at the hip." The idea of having a daughter was something you both agreed on, with Jeno declaring, "My little princess. I'd spoil her so much. Say we had 2 sons and 1 daughter, you and our daughter would be my main priority in life." The conversation unfolded like a sweet glimpse into the dreams you were building together, creating a tapestry of shared visions and boundless love.

#fic mfal #jeno texts #fic my first and last #jeno fluff #jeno smut #jeno x reader #nct jeno #jeno #jeno icons #jeno imagines #jeno moodboard #nct dream jeno #lee jeno #nct lee jeno #nct x reader #nct u #nct imagines #nct dream #nct smut #nct scenarios #nct 127 #nct #fic mfal yn #fic mfal jeno #leejenowrld asks

[hausofneptune]

THE CANCER ARCHETYPE

﹕PLANETARY RULER: MOON

﹕ELEMENT: WATER

﹕MODALITY: CARDINAL

﹕POLARITY: NOCTURNAL

﹕SYMBOL: THE CRAB

﹕BODY PART RULERSHIP: THE CHEST, BREASTS, AND STOMACH

﹕PLANETARY DIGNITIES: MOON IN CANCER (DOMICILE), JUPITER IN CANCER (EXALTED), SATURN IN CANCER (DETRIMENT), MARS IN CANCER (FALL)

↝ cancer is defined by it's emotional nature, and let me preface, cancer (alongside the water and fire signs) being emotional is not a bad thing. we're conditioned by society, our parents, our friends, etc. to believe that expressing emotions let alone having them is something that should be shamed, and i feel like that plays a very big role in how cancer is regarded. i mentioned this in the gemini archetype post, but some people will attribute negative stereotypes to certain signs and unironically refer to those stereotypes when describing what they believe is the "true nature" of the sign. in cancer's case, they're usually described as moody, maternal crybabies. and i would be remiss to not acknowledge the very obvious fact that most cancerian stereotypes are just rooted in misogyny and the collective distain for vulnerability and emotional expression.

↝ in my opinion, cancer is a very underestimated sign. people tend to get hung up on the emotional aspect of cancer, which is an integral part of cancer's archetype, but i feel like it overshadows the fact that cancer is cardinal, and therefore by nature a very ambitious, action-oriented sign. alongside the moon's rulership, cancer has the innate ability to gift life to new ideas and concepts, and they typically have an extremely deep, intimate connection to their creations, whether it be their careers, children, relationships/friendships, homes, etc. their deep emotional bond to these things is where their nurturing nature comes from. i don't want to reinforce the "cancers are the moms of the friend group" narrative because i know a lot of cancerians hate that lmao, so while cancerian energy can manifest in that way, it can also just be indicative of being protective (or even defensive) of one's own creativity, professional endeavors, or private life.

↝ cancerian energy is very guarded, and they usually maintain relationships with a select group of long-time friends and family. while this is a sign that's regarded as being friendly and receptive, they prefer the familiarity of the company they keep over connecting with new people and building new relationships with them. because they are guarded in relation to their loved ones and their passions, they can become volatile when they feel those things are being impeded upon. it's one of the reasons why i always visualize cancerians as al from fullmetal alchemist, they have the capacity to fuck you up, but inside they're just sweet little babies. cancer is also the youngest of the water signs, and i feel like that, paired with the moon's influence, is why one of the main lessons that cancer is here to learn is to experience their emotions without being controlled by them. they need to master the ability to navigate through life with balance between their heart and their head, instead of relying too heavily on one or the other.

↝ cancer, alongside the rest of the water signs, is not afraid to feel, and as i mentioned, that is a beneficial characteristic to have in a world full of people who are numb and jaded. but contrary to popular belief, cancerians usually are not the type to be openly emotional due to their guarded nature. they usually reserve their vulnerability for the tight-knit circle they keep. overall, cancerian energy is by nature very empathetic, creative, and intuitive. they're one of those signs that have a knack for being able to read a room and move accordingly. they do very well in leadership roles, and tend to be very direct and even authoritative at times in these positions, all the while remaining emotionally receptive to the needs of the people that they work with. cancer is an extremely resilient, responsible, and kind-hearted sign, do not let the mischaracterizations fool you.

﹕CANCER CELEBRITIES: ariana grande, chloë bailey, conor mcgregor, harrison ford, jacob elordi, jaden smith, kali uchis, kevin hart, lana del rey, lil kim, margot robbie, maya hawke, meryl streep, mike tyson, missy elliott, princess diana, priyanka chopra, robin williams, saweetie, selena gomez, solange, storm reid, taylor russell

disclaimers | masterlist | ask

#astrology #zodiac signs #cancer #cancer astrology #astro notes #cancer zodiac #cancer archetype #zodiac moodboard #cancer moodboard #cancer placements #astrology notes #cancer energy #astrology observations #birth chart observations #birth chart reading #astrology aspects #astroblr #astro placements #astro observations

[limi-strology]

Astro observations II

Decided to make a part 2, didn't expect the first one to get more than, like, 50 notes 😅

Based on just my personal experience, might not be true for everyone! ᵔᴗᵔ

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

┊ ˚➶ ���˚ Contrary to the stereotypes, I don't think I've ever met a two faced Gemini. They honestly seem pretty cool people, they have so many friends and they just know how to communicate, you know? Their relationship with their partner looks really wholesome to outsiders too (but could be just me viewing it this way, lol). If anything, I think they just stand out more, which makes it a bit more difficult to approach them. 🤷‍♀️

┊ ˚➶ ｡˚ Gemini sun girls also have something aesthetic about them, like my cousin has a nice academia aesthetic going on in her life and a classmate from uni has this high-end fashion sense, she looks really pretty everytime (For some reason, when I think of Geminis, I'm envisioning luxury parties with champagne and brands like YSL and Louis Vuitton, that's the vibe I get) ✨

┊ ˚➶ ｡˚ People with Sagittarius in their big three (sun, moon, rising) are some of the most outgoing people I know. They have so many connections and, once their schedule allows it, they start planning coffee dates, hangouts with their friends, clubbing etc. A friend of mine can literally NOT stay at home the entire day, he just HAS to go out or meet up with people for at least 2-3 hours. 🏙️

┊ ˚➶ ｡˚ To the fellas with Moon opposition Neptune; How do you guys deal with moments in life that don't live up to your expectations? You know, when your imagination goes wild and has a very idealistic scenario of a certain situation, only for it to happen in a much different way and lowkey dissapoints you? Also, do you have dreams that kind of warn you or prepare you for something that will take place in the future? Because I feel like we kind of build our own world and the universe has to remind us that life isn't always perfect, lol 💭

┊ ˚➶ ｡˚ My dear Aquarians, why the pessimism? Rather than overthinking everything and imagining the worst scenarios possible, how about you try focusing more on positive things? Even if it's just something small each time, it helps you view your daily life in a better light :)

┊ ˚➶ ｡˚ Speaking of Aquas, I've noticed that most of you guys also don't really like being alone for too long. Sure, you want to have your me time (it's fine, we all do) but you also can't stand not having company around. Like, you'll randomly decide to stay in and spend some time alone but then you'll get upset and start calling your friends and family. A friend of mine cannot stand being alone for too long, even if we spend the whole day together, he hates being home on his own, to the point where he sometimes straight up takes the bus back to his hometown. It's wonderful that you enjoy spending so much time with others (I could never, lolll) but try picking up a hobby when you don't have the chance to be around people as much. It'll kind of distract you from loneliness and give you the chance to have some quality time with yourself 🧩

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

Thank you for reading, hope you have a wonderful day 💙

Edit: Bonus Observations

So a lot of you guys commented that Aquarius actually prefers solitude and could easily pass time all by themselves, so I looked into the charts of the social Aquas I know irl and see what it is that makes them so outgoing and talkative;

(I didn't include houses because I haven't gotten to confirm their birth times)

• My friend has Saturn in Gemini, which can make people talkative in any situation (I also have this placement and, although I see myself as an introverted homebody, I am surprisingly pretty chatty and enjoy going out with people that make me happy). Truly, he always gives something to talk about with everyone he knows, sometimes he'll start a conversation with another friend of his while I'm standing there not knowing what to say or do in the meantime, like 🧍‍♀️?

• He also has Mars in Sagittarius and Jupiter in Leo; energetic, lively and outgoing, thrives when surrounded by people. He almost never gets tired of hanging out with people, my low social battery could never 😅

• Other than her sun, my mom also has Aquarius in her Mercury, which makes her friendly and likeable, plus she enjoys conversing with people.

• Another thing about my mom, her placements are a bit contradictory; She has Sun in Aquarius, Moon in Virgo, and Uranus and Pluto in Libra - These indicate shyness, independence and introversion. Truly, she prefers doing things on her own most of the time and doesn't open up to just anyone. She also used to be very shy around my age (probably because of Virgo moon?). However, she also has Jupiter and Neptune in Sagittarius, which make her more adventurous, outgoing, charming and humorous. So that would probably explain this whole 'outgoing yet independent yet still can't be lonely' vibe she gives me.

Hope this explains a bit better why I had this image of Aquas at first, thanks for sharing your thoughts in the comments!

#astrology #astro notes #astro observations #astrology observations #astrology notes #gemini #gemini placements #sagittarius #sagittarius placements #aquarius #aquarius placements #astrology aspects #moon aspects #neptune aspects #saturn in gemini #mars in sagittarius #jupiter in leo #mercury in aquarius #virgo moon #jupiter in sagittarius #•limi's post•

[imnotevenusin]

Ranking the Astrological Houses

cuz y nawt

In Astrology, Houses govern each area of our lives : our home/family life, our career milestones/overall achievements, our values, our one-to-one Relationships, etc. Personally, I think some Houses are cooler than other ones, and in this post I’ll go over why.

1. The 8th House : This House is all about the possessions you share with loved ones, the possessions people share with you, intimacy, self-exploration (the occult), and tragic moments. This house rules over the taboo aspects of being a human being—things people aren’t comfortable with sharing or exposing, unless we truly let you in. When we encounter something that breaks us, we are forced to rebuild ourselves, and rise from the ashes—as dramatic as that sounds. Through this we re-evaluate our psyche. Without a doubt, the coolest and most important house.

2. The 12th House : Coming after the 11th house—our place in society—the 12th house is where we disconnect from the collective; this is where we disconnect from JUST being a Human being, and instead we connect with ALL beings. In this house, you learn that your Spirit is limitless—whether its through isolation, existentialism, or your dreams. Its a beautiful and underrated house.

3. The 11th House : The 10th House is what we build for ourselves, and what we achieve, and the 11th House is what we bring to the table on a wider-scale; really, this is our place in Society—or whatever you perceive as a Collective. I think this is also a stronger fame indicator compared to the 10th House, since it deals with large amounts of people/audiences/society/how many people you actually reached.

4. The 9th House : This is where we start taking more serious Mental Journeys. The 8th House is everything taboo; its rules over “touchy” subjects and our overall vulnerability. After we go through “hell”, we gain answers, wisdom, and belief systems. And rather than being focused on immediate interactions/environments, we start to travel outside of our comfort zones and explore—which expands our knowledge and perceptions.

5. The 2nd House : What do we equip ourselves with? What items do we value? For me, the 2nd house is definitely one of the more important Houses, because what you value dictates your whole life and how controlled you are by society (ex : Religion, Money). This is also what we gather for ourselves and how Wealthy we are. For most people, this will show our finances. Its a cool lil house.

6. The 10th House : 9th House is our answers and beliefs, and the 10th House is what we build and achieve with these answers. What is your legacy? What structure did you build for yourself? What is your greatest achievement/accomplishments? In my opinion, this house isn’t THAT strong of a fame indicator as the 11th House; it just deals with your own milestones, regardless of how many people know about it or not.

7. The 5th House : This is the most care-free house in Astrology; this area in our lives rules over entertainment and pleasure. Pleasure can range from Artistic Hobbies, Flings, Dating, Light-hearted Romance, etc. This part of the chart can indicate Children/and or having Children.

8. The 3rd House : Our baby steps; This house deals with immediate interactions/environments : Siblings, Neighborhood, School, and writing and communication in general. Like the 5H, this can indicate what type of Hobbies we get into.

9. The 6th House : Pretty underrated, as it can show you what type of daily routine, activities you’ll be getting into, and what problems we’ll deal with—health, work, errands, etc; its generally what speed you live your life at. This is also an underrated fame indicator (ex : Kurt Cobain had his 11th House Ruler in the 6th House; his artistic routines helped him with gaining attention and an audience).

10. The 4th House : The House of Privacy and Family. This house can show us our Home life and Family;the people and places you feel the most comfortable with. Having Mars in this House ain’t easy, so its lower in this ranking.

11. The 1st House : The Ascendant is the most important part of our charts, since its the most personal and specific placement—its calculated based off of what time you were born. It can give us our Chart Ruler and our physical features. The Ascendant/1H also shows us the relationship we have with ourselves. I have Chiron in this house, so its second to last.

12. The 7th House : Opposing the 1H, this is how we deal with other people—could be one-on-one relationships, partnerships, relatability, and sometimes, the public. If you have any “bad” placements in the 7H, it can indicate enemies/and or rivals; people you have a hard time getting a long with. In this house, you become conscious of differences you have with people. You’re looking at another person and saying “okay, lets make this happen”. Having Saturn in this house sucks, so its last place.

#astro observations #astro community #astrology #astro placements #astro notes #birth chart #astrology observations #zodiac #natal chart #ascendant #rising sign #sun moon rising #the stars #celebrity birth chart #capricorn #scorpio #7th house #10th house

[mashriqiyyah]

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How many of such moments came upon us, when we earnestly prayed, that this bloodshed is a nightmare. How many times we wished to fall into a deep slumber and when we wake up, we're told, it was just a bad dream. Everything is fine, no one was killed...all children are safe in the arms of their parents, their laughter is echoing the streets of Palestine.

I have found myself making this same Dua' over and over again.

Ya Allah let this be a nightmare. Wake me up to how I thought the world was. There were struggles. But not the slaughtering of children.

And then something hit my mind like a boulder.

*Isn't this infact, waking up to the reality of this world?*

This world was always like this. Injustice and oppression. Fasad and Fitan. Believers suffered with the worst in the hands of demigods of this world, because of their faith. Why did we miss this ever so apparent reality, That we were put here to be tried and tested? Why did we become so heedless that we forgot our purpose here?

And I felt I had just woken up. To the sirens with the colour of blood. But it wasn't just a colour...it was the blood of our Ummah.

What I was praying to be a nightmare, was a scalding truth. And what I thought was life, was actually...a delusion. This Dunya was nothing but a deception. A beautiful lie.

I tried to remember the dreams we were living before we were woken up to the truth.

We were chasing temporary pleasures of this deceptive world.

My home, my life, my pain, my struggles. I couldn't get a job, life is difficult. That person I loved left me, life is difficult. I couldn't manage to build a bunglow and had to settle for a one storey house, life is difficult. People have Cars, I am using a bike, life is difficult. I wanna travel the world, but I have responsibilities over me, life is difficult. I feel so lonely all the time, life is difficult. I cannot leave that haram relationship, that habit of watching pornography or listening to music, or talking bad about people....life is difficult. I cannot find time to learn Quran, I am busy in college or work...life is difficult. Etc...etc...

And now when I look at the people of Palestine... standing over the rubble of their once beautifully habitated homes, with dusts on their faces with the streaks of blood, helpless and forlorn because all of their loved ones died and now the only thing they care about is rescuing their dead bodies in one piece. When we get to know that they're sleeping on the streets, eating whatever or nothing, struggling to find clean water, holding the drips in the hospitals because there's no bed or stand, standing the whole night as they pump oxygen to that one family member who managed to survive serious injury. Unsure if the next bomb hits their building and unsure if they'd get to see the next day.

And then I see them proclaiming Shahadah, Saying Alhamdulillah. I see them kiss their dead child and say Alhamdulillah. I see them write loving notes on the shroud of their spouse. I see them distributing candies because their family achieved martyrdom. I see children write their wills on who should take their toys and school bag when they die. I see the children playing in soil dug up, and saying... We play here and we will be buried here.

And it crushes me on how we have been running behind all the things that could be destroyed in one airstrike. How foolish we were to think that Dunya was meant to be gathered. No. We could never catch this Dunya. We just tired ourselves in vain. We forgot our purpose. There was a life of truth beyond our "I" "Me" "Mine" ... We never lived for that. We were so obsessed with our own pain that we missed looking elsewhere. Think about it, do we even deserve to complain about our pain to Allah anymore after seeing what the fellow Muslims are suffering for the sake of our Deen? How will we give account of the blessings we're using right now whilst knowing the children of our Ummah died hungry? Think about it and let it break our hearts into million pieces. Let not the grief of Ummah leave us ever so we keep reminding ourselves of the betrayal of Dunya. We are blessed that this wake up call is not the Qiyamah and Sun rising from the west. Allah has given us a chance to repent and look at what's important and better for our eternal life. Alhamdulillah. Now, we shouldn't let the blood of our brothers n sisters be forgotten. Let this be a reminder to turn back and start living feesabeeliAllah. Leave off things displeasing to Him and start doing everything for His Pleasure. We have been given these extra days so we could benefit from it, so don't let the slumber of heedlessness hit us again. Disown every dream and goal you had for this world, if it doesn't involve Deen in it. Forsake every desire that would make your time with Allah less. Be firm upon your Tawheed. And live for Tawheed.

- Umm Taimiyyah 🕊️

#free gaza #gaza #palestine #free palestine #palestine forever #gazaunderattack #sudan #quranandsunnah #islamiyet #tawheed #stop palestinian genocide #tumblrpost #reblog this #tumblr #tumblrgirl #love #aesthetics

[tinybitsubby]

@elliebear27 asked a question in the comments of my previous post: “I would love to hear more about your rules. Are they relationship related, focused on self care, household related?”

Hi Ellie! Our rules are kept pretty simple. Just about everything boils down to respect. In fact, I think I can trace every rule back to respect. He’s very very well respected in his career and our local community. He absolutely deserves (and has earned) my respect at home. We have a rule about interrupting him because I get passionate about certain topics and I will begin interjecting and I, personally, want to be more mindful of that. I think this rule is more about helping me than how he feels about the matter.

He has no interest in making lots of tiny rules that he needs to constantly check up on. He’s a busy man. I do have a really small number of mundane rules that he essentially made out of frustration after I, for whatever reason, had trouble following through on something I had agreed would be my responsibility.

I can’t be super specific without outing his career, but he needs a certain item ready to go almost every day he goes into work. Because of the hours he keeps, it’s hard for him to make this happen and so we agreed that I would take on that responsibility. Life gets busy sometimes with kids, my job(I’m part time and get to set my own hours), my volunteer positions, gardens, aging parents, etc. and this specific task had, on occasion, fallen off my radar. After two or three mornings where we had to scramble in the early morning, he felt disrespected by the oversight and made it a rule. It’s now a “spankable offense”.

I have a few posts about my “one tiny rule” that is so dumb but irks him enough that it became a rule. People have messaged and asked,” we just have to know, is it making the bed?”. No, it’s not, but I swear it might as well be, because it’s just this silly little thing that I apparently am blind to somehow. It does fall under the household category though.

As far as self care, I’m pretty good about that. I’m lucky to be able to schedule time for physical fitness and also my hobbies. I give my close friendships a high priority in my life and take time to nurture those relationships. I do have a health issue that requires medication and, although not specifically a rule, he has said he would feel the need to correct my behavior if I ever let my prescriptions run out. He has also stated that he reserves the right to impose consequences if he felt I endangered myself. I’m pretty adept at adulting on my own and so these last two topics haven’t been an issue. If I came home with a ticket for texting and driving or something like that, I’m sure I’d be over his knee pretty quickly.

We do have some standards that I wouldn’t quite classify as a rule. For example, I’m not supposed to initiate sex, but that definition gets sort of fuzzy and he’d never spank me for letting him know I’m in the mood or kissing his neck while he’s working at his computer.

In case this sounds like we live a super serious life, I want to say for the record that we laugh a lot. We have a riot sharing a home and building a family for more than two decades.

(Ellie, I’m sorry I can’t supply you with a tidy list, our D/s just doesn’t work that way. I’m sure you get it 😊)

#d/s marriage #24/7 d/s #real d/s #d/s real life #questions #domestic discipline #d/s lifestyle #spankin #submissivewife

[sophieinwonderland]

I have a question for willogenic/tulpagenic or systems that create their headmates.

Why would you? Why would you want someone else in your head and take control of your body? What motive could drive someone to actively do that and create more?

I also want to ask if they really feel how horrible it is to have arguments or headmates hurt you because they can create their own as they please.

Also if they experience the bad symptoms of being plural and not just the "fun" part such as dissociation, depersonalization, derealization, amnesia, identity crisis, etc.

I do not ask any of these questions with the desire to bother, I genuinely want to know and it is a question that keeps me alert.

Often, people drawn to the tulpamancy community are those with ASD, anxiety or other disorders that leave them feeling alone.

I was an accident, technically. At least, my host didn't plan on making a sentient being. But for others, it's not hard to see why they would be drawn to the practice. My own host had a good home life with a really supportive family, but has difficulty interacting with external people, which could be isolating.

I also want to ask if they really feel how horrible it is to have arguments or headmates hurt you because they can create their own as they please.

Arguments happen. We had a couple really bad ones early on. But... our system was created differently and that affects how we view each other.

A person, any person, is going to be reflecting what they learn from the world. We're all products of our environments.

A lot of headmates formed by trauma. They... come into the world experiencing its worst parts.

The system grows up maybe hearing the voices of their headmates but shutting them out. They don't have access to plural resources and feel like they're going crazy. Aggression can be taken out on headmates because the headmates aren't even seen as real, and abused children often don't have good role models for positive relationships.

By the time you find out that you're plural, a lot of harm has been done to the system and their relationships with each other. Building back trust can take time for these systems. It's tragic.

...

That's not how it was for us. Again, I wasn't made intentionally. I was just the imaginary friend. So there was a bit of denial, but I denied my own emotions too. And it took only a couple months for us to discover the tulpa community and realize I was a real person.

By the time of my creation, my host was an adult who had a solid understanding of how healthy relationships work. We could communicate our problems as they came out. We might argue one night, but then we made an effort to sit down and talk our problems out until they were resolved as soon as we could. I sometimes wish that I could have been here from the beginning, but I suspect that it's best for our relationship that I wasn't.

He already cared about me and wanted me to be happy. He enjoyed seeing me learn and grow, and interact with the world. I'm incredibly lucky to have had him in my life.

I would never hurt my host, and he would never hurt me. (At least, not intentionally.)

And me getting front time was a gift. It was something he provided when I wanted to do things in the real world because he wanted me to be happy, and loved seeing me happy.

Also if they experience the bad symptoms of being plural and not just the "fun" part such as dissociation, depersonalization, derealization, amnesia, identity crisis, etc.

Yes and no.

I think some of these symptoms exist, but are more mild. (Technically, all switching is considered dissociative.) We had some days when we fell into doubt spirals that were miserable. The worst lasted hours, but never more than a day. We've had mornings waking up, not knowing who is in front immediately, which I think is a form of depersonalization, but it only lasted minutes.

There's no amnesia unless you intentionally build it up. There might be "speed bumps" where memories of some headmates are easier to access by them than other headmates. And there have been times when non-fronters have a much harder time accessing information the fronter knows. Something about fronting makes information more accessible.

But by and large, a lot of these symptoms of DID are symptoms of PTSD. While we might experience lesser versions of some of these, they don't have much of an impact on our lives.

And the few negatives are outweighed by the advantages of having an internal support network to prop each other up.

#tulpa #tulpamancy #syscourse #endogenic #pro endo #pro endogenic. #plural #plurality #system #multiplicity #psychology #systems #plural system #endogenic system #endo safe #pro tulpa #tulpagenic #parogenic #thoughtform #actually a system

[cipheramnesia]

Not to be whiny, and feel free to tell me off if I am, but where did you get a "good" polycule? I used to visit a lot of queer/poly munches/meetups but always got bullied for being "the wrong kind of trans" (I'm amab nonbinary) or "too weird for us" (I'm also autistic), and most queer people I've met outside of those were not interested in keeping contact because they already had a polycule and I "wasn't worth it". Idk what to do, finding people to be with seems so easy for everyone here . . .

I don't think there's one right way to go about it, because relationships are so chaotic and personal, and polyamory makes it even more so.

For me a lot of it is like, a good polycule starts at home, with my nonbinary wife and myself being a pretty strongly committed couple, we both have a lot of the tools in the toolbox that support better relationships with new partners. Stuff like being good at talking about stuff and working together and not letting little stuff become huge deal breakers and just kind of finding ways we fit and work well as a couple and how to compromise with stuff that makes friction. We both have good grounding in accommodating each other and speaking up. Which makes it sound like more negotiation than love, but a big thing is how much love cements us.

And so you know when you meet new people you already know how to work with them and care for them and it still takes time to learn how it coalesces into the existing relationship but that main core compassion helps in the phase where everyone is feeling out one another's needs.

But there's privilege elements like, me being able bodied and my brain worms being fairly easy to cope with and having an okay employment situation and owning a house and being like at least okay looking by conventional western standards is all stuff that affects how other people see me as a partner, and it's sucky that these are factors, but I can't pretend they're not. I can function kind of as the cement holding our house together and it's not through some innate arcane poly magic, but because of social privileges built around able bodied etc etc people.

There's some dumb luck too, because frankly a lot the stuff I have is by chance more than design. We wouldn't own a house if my mom hadn't died of cancer and got a giant life insurance pay out for example. And having Your Space that can handle a partner or two makes a difference because the other thing is schedules are a damn nightmare. I have a girlfriend a only see every other month or so because we both have our own core and households and lives, and sure we don't wanna apply like hierarchy to relationships either but the time factors of partners you live with and partners you don't are substantially different. So, you know, you may find a lot of cases where it's not easy to see a partner who lives with one of their other partners. Life's just like that and I cannot stress enough how fucky schedules are in polyamory.

So like, basically take everything that's complicated about a monogamous relationship and make it more, and that's polyamory. On my end it was just a collection of factors mostly out of my control that ended up with myself and and my wife in a good place to build a polycule around ourselves and we met a bunch of people we fit well with. But it doesn't have to go that way either, maybe you just kinda date around, don't have to like settle down with a specific person or people. Or end up with a buncha queerplatonic friends together. Or something else.

I'm not super good at relationship advice, due to the mostly dumb luck stuff but for factors you can control, it's pretty much don't be a doormat about your needs, but do make sure you're accommodating what's also going to be the many, many different needs of multiple partners.

[ranchthoughts]

thinking about Snow White being the engineering play, part 3

(part 1, about how ATOTS is Snow White, here; part 2, about Pat and Pran and glass coffins, here)

There's something ATOTS and Bad Buddy have in common: themes of not being able to live as yourself and having to hide. I've been thinking a lot of the glass coffin as a metaphor for this (trapped, in a near death state, but still visible). Tian can't live his life to the fullest because of his heart condition and then because of his heart transplant (he has to be careful what he eats, drinks, and does), and he changes his whole life around to honour Torfun and her gift to him (her heart) by going and teaching in Pha Phun Dao. He has to hide his connection to Torfun from the villagers because they don't know Torfun is dead and because he doesn't know how they will react. Pat and Pran of course have to hide their childhood friendship and their current relationship and love for one another because of their families' feud (and for a time, from their feuding friends too).

There's something there about running away too, and from family: like Snow White running into the forest, away from her step mother, towards freedom and found family and life, so does Tian run away to the mountains (to get away from his overbearing and concerned parents and repay Torfun's gift which his father bought for him) and do Pat and Pran run away to the sea (on their honey moon trip after their parents learn about them and they learn about their parents).

But that's the thing about running away - you can't run forever. Eventually you'll need to stop and settle down and build something: a life in the mountains, a reason to stay that isn't just living your life for another; a relationship, hidden as it is, joy in the stolen moments you have.

Fairy tales often have a recurring motif of wishes, and we see that in ATOTS and Bad Buddy too. Tian tries to discover and then fulfill Torfun's wish by teaching the kids of Pha Phun Dao and by counting a thousand stars, the last part of the series revolves around the question of "will he be in Pha Phun Dao to make the wish" as Phupha and his family try to convince him to leave, and his final reconciliation and first kiss with Phupha happens on the mountain, in the place where wishes happen and come true. Pat and Pran wish for a world where their parents' weren't enemies ("what would it be like if our parents didn't hate each other?"), wishing for a world where they can be openly together and their parents will accept them.

But wishes don't come true, at least not as they do in the fairy tales. Tian tries to fulfill Torfun's wishes but gets too caught up living his life in service to her, and he never discovers what her wish upon a thousand stars was. Pat and Pran will never live in a world where their parents' didn't have a feud, and it's uncertain if they will ever live in a world where their families are at peace.

But while these fanciful wishes don't spontaneously come true by themselves, they can come true. Or at least, something like them can come true (maybe even something better because it's real) - you just have to put in the work. Sometimes you can't wait for the handsome prince to come kiss you and wake you from your slumber, you have to smash the glass coffin yourself. Tian puts in the work to fulfill Torfun's dreams (moving to a village far from the comforts of home, befriending the villagers, bonding with the children, trying to defend them from corrupt businessmen, searching for her wish, climbing a mountain, etc.). Pat and Pran work to find joy where they can, choosing hope and love even in a world where they have to wait for acceptance, working to stay together even through separation and hiding.

Wishes need work, just like relationships. And I think these Our Skyy episodes have been exploring that. What happens after the show ends? It isn't just an automatic happily ever after - we see how the stress of Phupha not engaging with Tian's family takes its toll, how in having to hide their relationship Pat and Pran can hurt each other. The couples are learning how to put in the work to make their relationships last.

#bb #bb meta #atots #atots meta #os2 #os2 meta #our skyy 2 #bad buddy #a tale of a thousand stars #ranch thoughts

[egipci]

thank you for bringing awareness to this grievous issue. how is there possibly not more huntercorp content out there?? the overlap between the succession freaks and spn freaks on here is practically a circle. then supernatural does a literal canon succession au and… crickets. i don’t understand. cmon ladies we can do better

Thank you for your solidarity! I agree: we CAN do better!

To be fair, I totally understand the paucity of content in the field, simply because those guys are just not really recognizable as Sam and Dean. They're vacuous spoiled dudes for us to laugh at for the five minutes they're on screen, unlike our very serious special Winchesters Prime, God's favorites, etc. We don’t really even know anything about them, other than they still live with their dad into their late thirties? And Sam is like "haha Dad is the best guy I wanna live with him in the same house forever cheers," which makes me think the CTE finally caught up with him. So fanon interest doesn't really extend beyond heehee silly wincest-twincest foursome business, or maybe there's some cracky Daddycestuous harem going on that I haven't heard about--- which is great if you're into that sort of thing.

What I think is more interesting though is to use that world as a springboard to construct a more canon-feeling AU that retains the character's personalities and dynamics. Like, just take all the deeply traumatizing shit that comes with hunting from a young age and add to it all the fucked-up-ness of excessive wealth and access.

Say, John at some point when Dean and Sam are much younger decides it would be better to work with other people for resources and efficiency (lol), and doesn’t burn quite as many bridges as he could, and whenever someone offers to pay a little something to show their gratitude he agrees. Along the way that turns into a hunting business, recruiting hunters, etc, and it picks up, and it's lucrative enough obviously because monsters are plentiful, and so the kids grow up with money, comfortable. There's the old "I want you to go to school and I want Dean to have a home," so he probably did buy a home base, extra fortified, and there were babysitters to watch after Sam, a little less pressure on Dean with the co-parenting. More creature comforts and safety and stability available, but maybe even more emotional distance between John and Sam than in canon. Dad's trips last for months and months, Sam is fine, he goes to the same nice private school for most of his life, gets with Jessica in high school or something, whatever, you can fill in the blanks here. Maybe he goes to a military school or something, in this strange world where people know about monsters, but his dad is still very much distant and mysterious.

Depending on when the transition towards more financial stability happens, Dean would have more vivid memories of serious poverty that he shares with his dad that Sam might not fully remember/appreciate, and as he gets older Dean’s off with Dad more and more, staying away longer and longer, etc, and that in itself is an interesting question, I think: if Dean doesn't have to parent Sam as much, what does that mean for their relationship? There's always the baseline of the older brother duty/younger brother admiration going on, but maybe it's more they're more like 2x20 than canon--- or not, maybe it translates into more closeness than the canon pre-canon! A good writer can convince you of anything, but it's essential that their relationship only flourishes in the absence of their dad, not only physical absence/death, but also his absence in Dean's emotional life, and all of that is deferred for as long as you keep the old man around. the idea of 60's John/40's Dean makes me....

Anyway, the Succession comparison in particular is really compelling here because 1. in a world where people know about monsters, and monster-hunting is a lucrative empire-building business, the Winchesters (assuming they are actually as good as they are in the main timeline) would hold huge influence. Like, serious political influence. Depending on the size and boundaries of his operation John Winchester could be the owner of an extremely powerful militia trained to kill both people and monsters? And that's... kind of insane! (And with that power and influence, did Sam and Dean grow up in the public eye to some degree, like president’s kids and various d-listers? What sort of rich people vices were they exposed to? Are hunters seen as celebrities or as soldiers, or something in between like in, eg, The Boys?”)

Therefore 2. the stakes of succession are extremely important, and also 3. as an au-explorer, that's how you get to keep some semblance of the John-Dean-Sam dynamic from canon. Say, Sam goes to Stanford on Dad's dime, no need for a scholarship, he fits in with the other kids fine, at least along socioeconomic lines. But obviously he's still very well trained as a hunter, and he may or may not be dealing with demon blood-induced uncleanliness. And let's say Dean is groomed into both hunting but also the business side of things, slated to run the family business when the time comes, maybe he goes to college too and studies something soul-sucking he thinks would be useful for the business and would make dad proud, but probably not, I don't see John suddenly becoming an elitist type, specially when they're in the world they're in. Plus, Dean already has charm and looks in spades, no need for a fancy degree.

But what if at some point John changes his mind? It's not Dean, but Sam who should be king. Or Sam and Dean together as partners. Sam of course doesn't want it. He wants to be a lawyer, or whatever it is the Lebanon alt!Sam does. Adam doesn't want it, he doesn't know anything about hunting, he's probably only seen his dad a total of five times since college, and no one showed up to his engagement party. Who knows, maybe he's already been eaten by the ghoul and no one has noticed yet. Obviously Dean doesn't want to run anything, either, but no one cares about that. He'll do it if he has to, because he's a good son, and in that way this is the weird inverse world of Succession where no one actually wants the inheritance. They do want the elusive kiss from daddy, they're just not under any illusions that the family business is an adequate substitute.

So, like, you can take those two weirdo throwaways and make them infinitely more interesting. You can kill John, you can throw in the Azazel hunt, or introduce the Heaven mega-bureaucrats, or whatever. Maybe Sam gets on the demon blood in his fancy private school and is surrounded by demons for years and it’s John’s fault because he send him there, thinking he'd be safe. Or maybe none of that other mytharc stuff comes in and at the heart of the story is just the family drama. Sprinkle in some more sex, drugs, and rock n roll, etc.— so many little choices to make for people who like the work of intricate world building and crossover! Good for them, whenever they get their hands on this.

Of course the thing that matters to me most is the J/D of it all and Dean's feelings about it--- like he is daddy's golden boy in pretty panties and a cock cage, but what I've been thinking about (like, actually thinking about, for fic writing purposes) is why is he in the cock cage? What if he likes it? What if he wants it and likes it and hates that he likes it? Succession is part of a huge tradition of works preoccupied with wealth and moral decadence and corruption, and those things can only be compounded by the reality of not only wide-spread knowledge of monsters, but also the existence of an industry dedicated to the sanctioned extrajudicial killing of "creatures" that look and live just like normal people 99% of the time. It's extremely fucking bleak, more so in some ways than canon, and it's the kind of world where dad/son incest is possible, where alcoholism/addiction would be much closer to the surface, where Dean is rewarded for Dad’s parasitic dependence in different, slightly more complicated ways than canon, where Dean's baitboy duties probably extend to various unsavory human actors, men and women, starting when he was way too young. And it's not necessarily always the sort of seduction/manipulation/self-objectification that ends with Dean on his back, and John is not a mustache-twirling villain who's looking it in the face and ambivalently sending his kid to the slaughter, but shit happens and it's part of life and it's for the greater good and it's for the family business and Dean's a man and he can handle it and when he comes back tongue-tied and flushed, wearing his cute little panties under his slacks and holding a matching cage in his hand John will tease him first, always, and then he will put his hands on him and make it better.

#thank you dear anon-- thinking and writing this through reminded me of the scene with bela in s3 with the tux #and i don't really think she's that evil in the larger scheme of things #but she's someone who would be more vicious in this world #and now I'm thinking about a story where Dean *has to* have maybe traumatizing sex with her for whatever dad-related reason #and whatever she did to our little guy he doesn't want to think about his dick for a while :( #and obviously because it's dad's fault only dad can fix it #i mean--- if j/d can be distilled down to any single trope it would be hurt/comfort and john is always always the source of both </3 #asks

[askanautistic]

HI, I would like to know what I can do and ways I can help to make my autistic partner comfortable in our relationship

Communication Communication is always going to be the most important thing to figure out. Different people have different preferences, but finding the right method of communication and understanding your partners communication style will go a long way towards building trust and understanding, and to making sure you're both able to problem solve when issues do come up.

Method/s might include texting instead of speaking, even if you're in the same room, or sending emails for important topics. It might be that speaking needs to happen at certain times or in certain situations (if your partner tends to find it easier to speak about things when on a walk, then going for regular walks offers the opportunity for discussion and bonding). Energy levels/Comfort levels It also helps to understand energy levels, and respect that some autistic people need a lot of down time, or time to ourselves. This isn't true for everyone, some autistic people are extroverted and will thrive off company, but many of us might struggle to transition between work and home, or might get overloaded and burned out from work or social situations, and so might need some extra time to ourselves without any demands before we're able to have discussions or help with chores. The same goes for comfort levels. We might have different levels of comfort with things like physical contact, and respecting that and recognising our love languages (that might be a little unusual or less obvious) instead of trying to force certain types of affection means we can be comfortable and not feel abnormal or self-conscious.

'The benefit of the doubt' This is something I often bring up when talking about relationships. The reason for this is that people can miscommunicate / misunderstand each other, and so thinking well of your partner and giving them the benefit of the doubt can be really helpful. Sometimes we mess up and need to be held accountable, of course, and sometimes behaviour is unacceptable... but there are often times when we need someone to just recognise that their interpretation of our behaviour isn't necessarily correct, and to try to view it through the lens of... well, giving us the benefit of the doubt, basically. Asking, 'Could this be an autistic thing?' If I say or do something that seems rude, it's reassuring to know that my partner won't interpret it that way, and if she is upset or unsure, she'll let me know without accusing me (and won't just make the assumption and quietly seethe over me saying or doing something she perceived as rude). Knowing that she thinks well of me and understands me means that I feel safer and more relaxed because she's that one person who I know is willing to try to understand things from my perspective and appreciates my perspective and how my brain works/how I communicate etc. (rather than wanting me to change).

Appreciation/Support/Accommodation Appreciating their autisticness (and other things about them, of course) will also help build trust and make sure they're comfortable. Knowing that my girlfriend likes how logical I am, and appreciates my honesty, and isn't bothered by my stimming, etc. Also, whilst she doesn't need to be interested in my interests, it's nice that she is happy for me (and also means I feel more comfortable because I know that whereas someone else might tease me or find some of my interests weird, she never judges me). It's nice when someone takes notice - shares an article with you about something you're interested in, or buys interest-related gifts. Even better when they show support. Particularly if the autistic person needs a bit more support than a non-autistic partner might need. Travel support, attending events they can't attend alone (even if you wouldn't otherwise choose to go). Everyday accommodations being a natural part of a relationship/household make life so much easier, and makes being autistic more 'normalised' and comfortable than when you're trying to fit yourself to NT standards. Creating (and being!) that safe space is something I appreciate most about my girlfriend. She's the person I'm most comfortable with and she makes my life so much easier than it would otherwise be. If you find any of my posts helpful, please consider supporting my by buying me a Ko-FI.

#relationships #autistic relationships #dating an autistic person #autistic partners

[etxfolkmystic]

Today and the last few days, I've been working on harvesting and pressing some foliage and flowers. I really love these yellow flowers, which I believe are black-eyed susans. I took stuff with me on my walk today to pick up some trash at the shoreline of the lake, brought along some offering, and tools to harvest and store stuff until I got home. When I saw these two flowers were being used, they both became out of bounds for harvest, so I left them.

I think it's important for folks who maybe only forage for their craft or for making things and who are more casual about it to learn some basic tenants of wildcrafting your Craft/craft.

I've sorta been building my own rules for what materials are acceptable to bring home when I'm out and about on walks or whatever.

1: If possible, don't harvest or collect something the first day you see it.

This rule is in place for me as a reminder that I'm not the animal who gets first dibs on what I see in nature. My impact is much much bigger than any other animal who would use it if I leave it, so i try to leave it for at least 24 hours, if not longer.

2: Half at most, around 1/3 or less is best.

If I'm going to be harvesting to make something, I try to let it be a long-term project so that I can take as little as possible at one time. Out of a dozen flowers, I'd take 6 at most, but probably 3 or 4 from the one place I found them. If I'm walking and find another plant that has 8 of the flowers, at most I'll have 1 or 2 go home with me.

Again, as a human, my impact is bigger, and also, I'm not as reliant on these resources for survival as our bug friends are or the local wildlife. I'm making a tool or an art project, my life isn't depending on the thing being done like their lives depend on these things being available to them.

3: Acknowledge what you're doing (ask, offering, etc).

Ultimately, I'm taking something from its natural habitat, and maybe even snipping it off something, I always try to acknowledge what I'm doing. If I can give something beneficial, I will. However, just that moment of mindfulness allows me to at least maintain a healthier relationship with the world me.

These all come back to acknowledging my place within the world around me as I forage, I'm not viewing the world as something I can harvest from without a direct impact to the wildlife and ecosystem.

I even do this for rocks or abandoned shells on the shoreline. Because I'm sure nature could use the shells I've harvested in some beneficial way, even if just a pitstop for a bug, I acknowledge that.

Granted, there's more happening behind the scenes too. I've walked this path to the shoreline in the neighborhood almost daily since June 1st of this year (I can count on one hand how many times I've not walked/not seen the shoreline). I've talked to the spirits that inhabit the little bits I forage from, and blah blah blah. But, even if the spirits of place and nature spirits aren't a part of your practice, still consider the physical repercussions on the ecosystem when you forage for items for witchcraft purposes or just crafting purposes.

#folk witch #witchcraft #folk mystic #hellenic polythiest #my practice #witchythings #witchblr #witches of tumblr #witch community #wildcrafting #foraging #spiritual morals #spiritual ethics #take care of this planet #please