#but fuck if this race isnt stressing me out

[joeyloganho]

This fuckin race omg

#listening to joeys voice is soothing #but fuck if this race isnt stressing me out #nascar xfinity series

[chrissturnsgirlll222]

second, never first

part six | part one | part two | part three | part four | part five

chris x fem!reader

summary - you grew up hating one guy all of high school but suddenly become close friends, but as time goes on feelings develop, only its one sided.

warnings - swearing, use of y/n, BOYS (no smut… for now lol)

word count - 1k ??

NOT PROOFREAD

-

i drove to the date with carson after getting ready on facetime with chris. the whole drive my hands were sweaty and my head was just racing with what could go wrong. he thinks im ugly, he hates my clothes, doesnt like my personality, he ends up being mean, makes fun of me, doesnt even like me. i was completely going insane on the drive to the dinner date.

we settled on eating at our local dinner grill that serves really casual food but has a great romantic atmosphere. at least those were chris’ words.

i arrived safely by the grace of god, sat in my car to collect myself and finally got out. i walked into the grill and saw carson sitting down at a table and he smiled and waved at me. i made my way over and he got up, “hey y/n!” he said pulling out my chair for me. “oh thank you, and hello to you too.” i replied with a warm smile as i sat down.

“so, chris set us up.” he chuckles, “yeah, lets not talk about chris tonight.” i state. “i agree tonight is about us, just two kids that have gone to the same school for their entire lives and never spoke a word to each other.” he breathes.

“what?” i question

“you seriously dont know? y/n we went to elementary school together.” he chuckles.

“i know, i just thought you never recognized or noticed me.” i smile. “i always noticed you but you have always hungout with that friend of yours, anna. she is scary to me, very opinionated that girl is.” he explains. “anna can definitely be intimidating but she has been my friend for as long as i can remember.” i huff.

“well yeah she scares away a lot of boys from you. no guys at our school really like her.” i say. “what ar-“ im cut off by our waiter.

“hello im savy i will be your server for tonight what can i get started for you?” she says.

carson and i order our food and i continue.

“what do you mean no boys like anna, i mean she’s constantly talking to guys.”

“ever notice she only talks to guys from other schools?” he says. wow he made a great point.

“i never thought you were like her, you always seemed so sweet.” he says. “thank you, i try.” i mumble. “i know our date isnt over or i guess it hasnt even started, but would you consider going on another one?” he asks.

“honestly, yes.”

-

the rest of the date actually went amazing, carson was sweet, respectful, funny and actually wanted me. after we got our food he payed for everything and we spent the rest of the night walking around town and talking about random stuff. he made me laugh all night and walked me back to my car which was at the restaurant. talking to him didnt feel difficult. everything went smoothly and i felt really comfortable with him which was especially surprising as it was our first time speaking.

i left the date with hope and a smile on my face, and i couldnt wait to tell chris.

-

the following day i immediately face timed chris to tell him everything.

ring. ring. ri-

he finally answered, “kid its to fucking early whats wrong?” he huffs slightly squinting his eyes since he had just woken up. “chris is 12pm you should be awake anyway.” i blankly state. “anyway i wanted to tell you about last night!” i smile.

“oh yeah, how did your date go with carson.” he asks. “it actually went amazing, we had dinner, we talked, we went for a walk after dinner, he pulled out my chair for me and even opened the car door for me.” i explain grinning ear to ear.

“did he wipe your face while he fed you as well.” he mocks. i just do a blank expression as he chuckles proudly to himself, “im joking y/n, im glad everything went well. i told you everything would work out, you were stressed out over nothing the whole time.” he says. “i know, i have you to thank for everything you really gave me confidence to do this.” i say as i get out of my bed to go brush my teeth. “thats the magic of chris sturniolo.” he breathes rolling over on his bed.

“yes nick im talking to y/n give me a minute here.”

“hi y/n!!!” nick screams from the other end of the phone. “hey nick, good morning.” i say. “how did your date with carson go?” nick asks, “really good and chris im going to kill you.” i say as i told chris not to tell anyone that i was going on a date. “sorry kid cant keep a secret from my brother.” he says.

i grab my toothbrush and run it under water before grabbing toothpaste rinsing the brush once more and start scrubbing my teeth. i hear chris breathing on the other end of the phone as he taps on it while i finish brushing my teeth. “hey what progress have you made with anna, neither of you have talked to me about it.” i question walking towards my bedroom.

“oh not much really we have just been texting and kissed a few times.” he says and i pause.

“what the fuck? you guys kissed and didnt even tell me.” i exclaim.

hearing that your best friend and your crush have kissed more than once is absolutely crushing to hear.

“yeah its nothing he just went out for a drive a few times and have just kissed and talked, nothing crazy yet.” he says with almost no expression. “you dont sound that happy for someone who was begging me to set you two up.” i reply. “i didnt beg you and i am happy about it but we are getting along and work well together.” he says yawning after.

listening to him explain that he likes her and that they get along really well should make me happy for my best friends but i cant help the bitter taste in my mouth. i dont know if that makes me selfish but it just makes my stomach turn.

“well thats good and everything but i have to go chris.” i say. “ok kid ill give ya more updates later.” he breathes. “later?” i ask. “yeah matt, nick and i are doing a movie night and they both asked for you so if you have plans cancel them cause i already told them your invited.” he says.

“what the fuck, ok fine.” i reply. “k see ya.” he says before hanging up.

-

i drove over to chris’ house in a way better mood than i was when i hung up the phone. i enjoy his brothers company and it actually made me happy to hear they wanted me around more. i walk up to the front door which i havent seen since i was drunk and couldnt walk and knock on the door.

i hear foot steps coming up to the door and am greeted with matt when it opens. “glad to see you could walk up the stairs this time.” he chuckles, i roll my eyes and brush past him. “wheres chris?” i ask, “he just got out of the shower he should be down in a-“ matt is interrupted “im here im here.” chris says running down the stairs. i admire him in his wet hair look and his comfy outfit. i love his hair wet.

“what does everyone wanna watch?” chris asks and he plops down on the couch. “why dont we watch a scary movie or something” chris suggests. “chris you know that were all pussies that cant watch scary movies right?” matt says “lets just watch batman or something.” both chris and matt look at nick to plead with their suggestions “dont look at me ask y/n!” nick exclaims putting his hands up. all of them turn to me “i already watched the batman movies with anna so-” i mumble. “HAH” chris yells getting up and walking over to me. “this is why your my favourite” he says grabbing my face leaning down to press a kiss to my cheek and then sitting back down.

i freeze as i was caught off guard by him kissing me and stare at chris who is patting the seat next to him. i slowly walk over and sit next to him on the couch.

after shuffling through netflix we decided on the conjuring since none of us had seen it and we all got comfortable and started watching the movie.

normally i would be dying inside to watch a scary movie sitting next to chris but right now it was possibly the last thing i wanted to do considering the circumstances. i literally have to watch a scary movie sitting next to my friend who happens to be the guy i am practically in love with who also happens to be my best friends next possible boyfriend. this is going to be a long night.

-

thanks for reading xx

taglist: @sleepysturnss @blahbel668 @alorsxsturn @w4nnabeurs @junnniiieee07 @waydasims

#chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #sturniolo edit #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo imagine #sturniolo smut #sturniolo triplets #sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo x y/n #matt sturniolo x you #matt sturniolo x reader #matthew sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo

[fcb-mv33]

GP: "Hearing comments about increasing rain T8."

Max: "Also here. Yeah, it's raining."

GP: "Ok, you let me know of you need to box. Just stay on the track Max. It's as simple as that."

Max: "Get some inters ready."

GP: " Yeah, they're ready."

Max: "I have to drive super slow because my tires are fucked."

GP: " Understood Max. If might just be survival in that section if the rest of track is dry."

GP: "Everyone behind you is slower than you."

Max: "Ok, good to know."

GP: "So just take care up the hill and through T3 and T4."

GP: "Alonso has pitted for-" (Max almost bins it into the wall and amazingly saves it but is stressed now.)

Max: "We need to box."

GP: "Understood Max."

Max: "We need inters. Inters."

GP: "Understood Max. We are pitting for inters. Pitting for inters. Don't stress, Fernando has pitted for dry tires. Bring it into the pits."

GP and Max 😍🥰😭 GP's calming voice and precision and the trust and respect they have in/for each other never fails to amaze me. GP telling Max that he needs to tell him if he can still drive on slicks in these conditions and reacting as calmly as he did when Max got on the radio panicky saying "inters, we need need inters." is such a testiment to their relationship. Also listening to the other drivers and their engineers radio conversations and then comparing it to GP and Max, shows how good these two work together. They are the best driver/engineer pairing on the grid by miles. The other drivers are literally telling their engineers that they need to pit for inters and the engineers are like "really? You think so? It isnt raining in the pit. So are you really sure about this?" Dude, just trust your fucking driver. He has to drive, not you... Obviously, a lot of drivers pitted earlier than Max but they had already been telling their engineers to pit for inters a lap before... also, I got a lot more respect for Bottas. He called his engineer out for not listening to him so they gave in and listened to him. Bottas made up 4 places with that call...

No literally like their driver/engineer pairing is honestly the best on the grid. Like Gp got Max when he was 18 okay he literally has grown up with Max and he knows Max as good as Max knows himself. He knows what Max is going to say before Max can even get on the radio and say it. He knows that Max wants constant updates on lap times and tire shit and he just gives it. He has absolutely no issue in telling Max to focus on driving or telling Max to calm down on the radio when he has to. He can read Max like an open book.

And yk the best way to sum up their pairing is how Max said after race when he said “As soon as GP says it’s safe to drive, I mean, he would never put me in danger.” Like the trust Max has in Gp is so special cause he knows he doesn’t have to ask Gp to future questions he knows that what Gp is safe and true. And also if you listen back to old radios Gp is always the one hyping Max up or literally just having to say “Max” for Max to listen. Their relationship definitely is the best on the grid because of the level of trust they both have with each other.

#max saying “As soon as GP says it’s safe to drive I mean he would never put me in danger.” #literally makes me so emotional #because GP has seen Max grow and he knows what max needs and doesn’t #he is so well able to just tell max to stfu and chill #and then laugh about it afterwards #they are friends #and that makes such a massive difference #max verstappen #anon💜

[my-castles-crumbling]

ok i go to a christian school rihgt and this is nothing against chrsitians i am christian i know some lovely christians etc etc but yeah so in our civics class were doing a unit on civil rights and ofc that means we have to talk about things like obergefell vs hodge no idea if i spelled that right but thats the court case that legalizecd gay marraige which yay to that btw but were talking about like homosexual marraige and trasngenderism and stuff and basically i jsyt have to sit through classes where im being told that gay people are wrong and christians agree with some protected classes like race but not things like sexuality and i just dont know if i can get through the rest of the unit becayse it only jjust started and im just being told im wrong and bad and a sinner the whole class and it also really pisses me off that they dont even understnd what theyre talking about bc they dont understand terms with sexuality and gender and im already stressed bc i wnat to come out to my friends at school but every time i think i can build up the courage i think about everything and i just cant and i dont know what to do bc i have two friends who know im bi already and one doesnt ssupport it but isnt mean or rude she just gets uncomfortable and the other is a hardcore ally but i dont know if i will get as lucky with the rest of my friends and im really really scared

Hi!

I'm SO sorry you have to deal with a fucking class like that. Literally it makes me super pissed off that people are being EDUCATED to be bigots. God, I could rant for hours. But good for you for knowing better.

As far as your friends, I would kind of...like test the waters by mentioning queer things that are relatively accepted in society right now. Queer TV shows, celebrities, etc. Bring them up in front of your friends and see if they react positively. If they do...talk more about queer stuff. If not, you know they aren't a safe space.

But please know that I and a lot of other people are here for you, because it sucks to be queer in such an anti-queer space.

I'm naming you honest anon in case you want to write again! <3

#ask #asks #ask cas #honest anon

[wireddless]

will you be writing more fics for officer callahan? please tell me you are that was one of the best fics ive ever read for a side character omg. if you're still taking requests for him could you maybe do something with him being a new dad? i feel like that fits him. or anything really, there just isnt enough content for him out there

-🍒

I absolutely will be :) I loved this request so much, I imagine Phil being rlly tender and kind and we all know he's kind of an aloof asshole but I just can't get these thoughts out!! Pairing: Phil Callahan/Reader Word count: 1270 Warnings: slight depictions of labor, not at all graphic, hopefully very innocent and SFW

The telltale hum of Chief Powell’s cruiser wooshed down Keystone Avenue, the street lanterns of the well-off neighborhood turning on like clockwork, lighting the path that Powell and Callahan took on their final evening rounds around Hawkins. Static from the police stereo filled the Ford LTD, and Phil Callahan’s senses, like the occasional flood from a heavy rain on Lover’s Lake. His fingers drummed nervously on his thighs, his thoughts racing, unable to focus on the task at hand. (Y/n) was nine months pregnant, ready to pop any day now. Forty-one weeks, it was a wonder she wasn’t already rocking with a baby in her arms. 

He was stressed. But shit, how could he not be? The last few weeks had left him jumpy and on-edge, more so than usual. (Y/n), stubborn as ever, had insisted on a homebirth, and had refused almost any medical intervention, besides the monthly check-up. Her insistence had left just about all of her loved ones on edge. Her mother, a former labor and delivery nurse, had been fretting so nearby that the young couple barely had room to breathe, but he couldn’t blame her. Home births were on a steady incline in popularity, taking plenty of young, new age, expectant mothers by storm. Of course, the pregnancy had gone surprisingly smooth, with almost no issues, besides the nausea early on, and shortened temper. But things go wrong! She could die giving birth. How would Phil be able to live without her? He just got her! Phil grimaced as he realized he made it sound like she was his possession.

“...Phil… Callahan!” The new chief’s voice quickly dragged Phil out of his near spiral. Sweat had practically left a never-drying spot on his brow, his curls constantly threatening to matt and stick to his head. 

“Shit! Sorry, sir! What were you saying?” Phil quickly removed his glasses to wipe them on his uniform shirt, forcing himself to remain present, at least for the next hour or so. Powell’s voice sounded strained and stressed, as if absorbing some of the fear that Officer Callahan, who was now shoving glasses onto his face, radiated. 

“I was trying to ask if you had seen anything worth noting in the log so far,” Powell glanced away from the road to Phil, a sympathetic look decorating his features. “But I’ll assume you were off in LaLa Land again.” Powell sighed before speaking again, trying to ease the guilt on his friend’s face. “She’s gonna be okay, Phil.” 

“I know, I just-” Phil was cut off by the static on the police stereo crackling, before Florence’s voice could be heard. 

“Chief! You’re doing the final rounds with Callahan, correct?” Her voice seemed more urgent than normal. 

“That would be affirmative.” Powell held down the button that allowed her to hear them. 

“His mother in law’s just called-” Oh shit. “His wife’s gone into labor and needs him very soon, urgently!” Oh shit! It was actually fucking happening! 

“Speak of the Devil! Copy that!” Powell’s finger bumped the speaker button again before quickly moving to flick on the sirens. The cruiser jolts forward as the chief rammed his foot into the gas pedal. Turn after sharp turn was made as Powell sped across Hawkins towards Phil’s home. 

•••

The house was fairly lit, only one of the residents still within the walls, accompanied by her mother and closest friend. Crouched on the livingroom floor, with old pillows supporting her knees, was (Y/n), attempting to follow breathing exercises, doing the best she possibly could to keep calm under current circumstances. Her friend had momentarily released her hand to pull her hair back from her sweat-laden brow, attempting to make the process even slightly more comfortable. 

“Mom, where is he?” (Y/n) cried out, another wave of pressure flooding over her. The contractions were now less than a minute apart.

“He’s coming, baby, I promise.” Her mothers voice did little to soothe her, but she was thankful for the reassurance, nonetheless. As the contraction faded, allowing her a brief period of rest, approaching sirens, followed by tires squealing could be heard through the walls. (Y/n)’s mother jumped from her station next to her daughter to drag her son-in-law in the house. The door flung open right as Phil rushed up the steps. 

“When did she go into labor?” Phil quickly flung his boots off and undid his tie, looking towards his mother-in-law for answers. 

“About five hours ago, I checked two minutes ago and she’s about 8 centimeters right now.”

“Five hours ago?! Why wasn’t I told earlier?” Phil was trembling, resembling a small dog out of it’s element. 

“She refused to let you leave your shift early, especially since she wasn’t ready to deliver. I only called when she told me I could.” Her mother led him to her, where she was crouched down, using the wall to hold her up. Phil immediately falls to his knees next to her, his hands finding themselves on her shoulder blades and intertwined with her free hand. 

A small cry of relief escaped (Y/n)’s lips as Phil embraced her while still attempting to give her space. Her head fell onto his chest, another contraction falling upon her wearying muscles. Phil’s lips found her head, caressing her scalp with such tenderness. 

Phil was as perfect as a man could be in these situations, comforting her and praising her, and allowing her whatever space she needed. He definitely fainted once his daughter came into the world, though, only briefly of course. 

•••

Phil had insisted upon taking the nightshift to their daughter for at least a week after she was born, claiming (Y/n) needed to be able to rest enough to actually recover. He did everything he could for both of his girls. Thanks to Powell granting him paid leave, he changed diapers, bottle fed, and did everything in his power to allow her some rest. To be quite honest he was exhausted, but he wouldn’t trade it for the world.

It was another hazy morning, the sky just beginning to lighten with the first glimpse of day. Around six, maybe. He hummed gently, making eye contact with the brand new little human in his arms. One arm supported her body and head, as the other tilted the bottle at the right angle, so she could push it away when she was finished. His body slowly danced back and forth, hoping the rocking motion would put her down for at least a couple more hours. Her small fingers wrapped around a single one of his, slowly pushing it and the bottle away. Their eye contact was slowly broken as she finally succumbed to the rocking motion, and fell back into a gentle sleep. 

Unbeknownst to him, Phil had a groggy spectator. His mustache could hardly conceal his grin as he looked down at his daughter. He gently set the bottle down on the table before coming back up to her. Small, quiet, steps drew his attention from the dozing infant in his arms, to his wife, smiling and giddy from witnessing their bond form. (Y/n) gently and slowly took the baby from him, managing to set her down in the empty cradle without waking her. 

As her arms slowly retreated, Phil trapped her in his embrace, nuzzling down into her neck. “You’re such a softie, Phil.” Was all she could say as he took her lips in his, gentle, and admiring. 

The sky had brightened even more, and when most of Hawkins was still sleeping, the stillness was kind to them.

#stranger things #stranger things x reader #stranger things smut #phil callahan #phil callahan x reader #phil callahan smut #Officer Callahan #officer callahan x reader #officer callahan smut #jim hopper #will byers #mike wheeler #Nancy Wheeler #dustin henderson #steve harrington #lucas sinclair #max mayfield #Billy Hargrove #eleven #jane hopper #Vecna #001 #stranger things x reader smut #this is so precious #precious phil #in love with this man #im literally obsessed #i NEED him #its unfair hed be such a good dad #🍒 anon

[lljdnh]

- changes

pairing: mark lee x f!reader

warnings: this story revolves around the reader having a restrictive eating disorder. if this triggers you in anyway, please do not read!! i write to help vent and materialize my feelings into words and this is just what im dealing with. there is some argument and language!!!!!

genre: angst, fluff, idk lol

note: def not proof read for edits and this is probably ass but it is what it is lol. im sorry if any of yall are dealing with this shit too. it sucks. also b/f/n means best friend’s name.

_______

whichever disordered bitch said to romanticize not eating obviously never had the (dis)pleasure of being sat in front of your best friend and boyfriend, having to defend yourself against their concerns and grievances.

had you been looking at them, you would’ve noticed [b/f/n]’s tense expression - eyebrows knitted, deep breathes through the nose - and mark fidgeting anxiously as he remained seated across from you in the living room. instead, your eyes fixated on the texture of the couch you were seated on, praying to every god that you could melt into the ground to never be seen again.

[b/f/n] continued to talk at you - though you only caught half of what she said… you’re ruining yourself… you’ve changed… where did my best friend go? and though you knew it was out of concern and anxiety, her shaky voice and harsh words stunned you. there was only so much you could take.

“are you done yet?”

your best friend paused her rant upon hearing your voice for the first time since you all sat down. “what was that?”

you cleared your throat, mustering up the courage to look at her blankly. “i said, are you done yet?”

eyes widening, she scoffed in disbelief.

“are you serious? am i done yet? you’re fucking torturing yourself and you expect me to sit around and watch it happen?”

“im literally fine; what’s it to you anyway?” your voice began to raise in anger.

mark sat watching the exchange escalate, unsure of how to respond. his eyes traveled back and forth between the two of you, his girlfriend and her best friend who came to him for support and advice about confronting you.

she gave a sarcastic laugh. “what’s it to me? im your best friend, [y/n]. we’ve been friends for years now and you expect me to not care? i feel bad suggesting we go out for dinner because i know you’ll be stressing over what to order. you’re distracted all the time. you’re tired. we hardly do anything together anymore. and i know it’s not about me but god.. is it so wrong to miss my best friend?” her anger slowly dissipated into desperation as she struggled to maintain a level voice and hold her tears in. you looked towards mark blankly and made eye contact with him, seeing the exasperation and upset in his face.

“we just want to help.” you heard him say softly.

it was your turn to scoff. “is this some ploy to make me out to be some freak or crazy person? i told you im fine - okay, maybe a bit stressed but who fucking isnt? i cant believe you two would just talk behind my back and make assumptions - are you implying i have an eating disorder? what the fuck?” you gave a dry laugh. you knew you were being irrational, but what else were you to do? you knew you had a problem, but why would anyone want to admit that in front of the two people they held dearest in their life?

moments pass before the front door to your shared apartment slammed as you watched [b/f/n] storm out with her bag, likely to clear her head. you stared at your lap, unsure of what to say. instead, you focused on catching your breath and calming your racing heart. the anxiety that had overtaken you manifested itself as a cold that enveloped you, delivering a shiver in response.

your head shoots up at the sound of mark’s voice. “do you really think she came to me worried about her best friend because she wanted to sabotage you somehow?” and while his question seemed accusatory, his voice conveyed nothing but genuine concern and care. he looked at you sincerely, leg bouncing up and down in anticipation.

“i-fuck.” you responded breathlessly, running a hand through your hair anxiously. mark stands from his position on the couch opposite and moves to sit next to you, but not before you stand yourself and take a step back. he blinks at you. “i’ve obviously been a nuisance in your lives and thats the last thing i ever wanted… i think its best if i just..” you trailed off.

“best if you what?”

you bit your lip, doing everything in your power to hold your tears in. “you deserve some space away. i shouldnt be causing all of this stress and maybe… maybe some time apart would be good for you. for you both.”

“baby what are you saying? don’t be like that.” he reached out to you, pulling you into his arms and holding your body securely against his own. leaning down to place small kisses on the crown of your head, he felt your body begin to shake as you succumbed to your tears and anguish.

“im so, so sorry. it wasnt ever supposed to get this bad; i- i dont know what to do mark.. i feel so stuck.” you cried powerlessly. he rubbed your back soothingly as he watched you let yourself go.

mark, with his soft character and tender heart, found it difficult to maintain his composure when you had finally let yourself be so vulnerable in his presence. though he hated to admit it, he had anticipated this exact scene happening months ago when your friend had first expressed her concerns about your worsening eating and food anxiety. and though they agreed to remain passive, hoping by some chance that you wouldn’t fall any worse, your recent state had worried them far too much for comfort.

as you pulled away slightly to look up at him after a couple deep breaths, you noticed the few stray tears that trailed down his solemn face. you gave him a small smile and wiped his eyes.

“shhh… don’t cry; you’ll make me cry.” you laughed softly with tears lining your waterline. he shook his head lightly, sniffling. you continued, “i’ll be okay. give me time. i’m sorry i was an asshole earlier.”

“it was a high pressure situation. i dont blame you.” he breathed. you hang your head, head resting against his chest as you played with his fingers that was holding your own. “though i do think you owe [b/f/n] an apology. as she does to you. she was worried sick.”

you sighed, “yeah. i’ll call her now.”

you pulled away to grab a tissue, wiping your nose and shakily ringing her phone. after a heartfelt apology (on both sides) and perhaps a couple more tears shed, you both settled your guilt and hung up.

upon tossing your phone on the couch, you realized mark had likely disappeared into your bedroom. you move slowly to your room, seeing him seated on the edge of your bed, fidgeting with his fingers.

you sat next to him, the bed sinking slightly to lean you two slightly closer to each other. you laid down on your back, pulling him back with you to enjoy the view that was your white ceiling.

“may i ask why?”

you took a deep breath and held your stare at the ceiling.

“its always been like this mark. since i was in middle school and getting comments from family and classmates about my body. sometimes it just gets worse than usual.” you shrugged.

“im sorry.”

“why are you apologizing? it’s no one’s fault but my own.” you turned to him slightly, brushing away the hair that fell in front of his eyes. you gave him a small smile despite his consistent gaze looking upward.

“is there anything i can do to help?”

“ah-” you paused. “i wish i knew. i dont know how to undo nearly a decade of disordered eating and tormenting thoughts about my body.”

“does your therapist know? how has that been going?” he continued to ask sincerely.

you sighed, “i dont think ive been completely honest with her. maybe ill start there.”

“maybe that'll help.” he replied, turning on his side and propping himself up with his arm.

he looked down at you and smiled, leaning in to press a sweet kiss to your lips. you attempted to sit up without breaking the kiss but to no avail, giggling in response. your hands moved to run through his hair, as you reconnected, lips moving in sync desperately as he held your body close to his.

breathlessly - and with reddened lips - you pull away slowly. “i love you. i think i need a nap.”

“i love you too baby.” he adjusted himself so he was laying the right way on your bed, you following.

for the next 2 minutes as you settled down, rethinking all that went down, you closed your eyes and maintained silence as he did the same.

of course, no one can say for certain when or how recovery starts or happens. if it was a step by step guide, it would be so much easier to break free from the grasp of restriction, worried family and friends, guilt, and consequential fatigue. you and mark both knew this.

but knowing there was always someone there to watch you in concern, genuinely worried about your health and wellbeing helped to ease your heart just a degree more. and just knowing that would help you moving forward in the future.

#mark x reader #mark lee x reader #nct x reader #nct angst #mark angst #mark lee angst #nct dream angst #nct fluff #mark lee fluff #nct dream x reader #mark fluff #nct oneshot #nct imagine #mark lee oneshot

[betweeninstrumentsandbooks]

i’ve been working on a restaurant for the past two months and it has worked ⭐ miracles ⭐ for my mental health. Im guessing its because its given me the opportunity to actually do stuff and grow my confidence, seeing how I’m able to acomplish various tasks, and get an objective reward: money.

Ive also learnt how the wonderful thing that is to be profesional, and that has been *chefs kiss* for my anxiety/RSD/self-esteem, because if I, p.e, fuck up an order, its literally worhless for me to keep moping over it and just feel bad about it for days. It will just drain my energy and make the rest of the workday worse. Instead, what I am supposed to do is to apologize and keep swimming. Because its not a fault of me as a person, its a skill i’m perfecting. Thats what being profesional means to me. Im not saying I should ignore my feelings, or just “suck it up” because that has never worked, im saying i can now see it in an objective way, something i had never been able to do before because i hadnt had the oportunity. And on the same line, if a coworker does something that would usually trigger my RSD, its not because I am a worthless human being, its because we are working. My bartending teacher told me thats its common in kitchens to ask for stuff and not to say “please” or “thank you”, or to have coworkers tell you to move out of the way in ways that could be rude, but its not to be rude; its never in bad faith; its because you have to be quick (and of course, if you got hurt, you can talk to your coworkers later).

The second thing ive learnt is to fully separate what are my responsabilities and what are not. Because I’m working, im doing a service to both the people who come eat at the restaurant and to my boss. This is not a favor, its 100% transactional. If a client doesnt likes their food, tells me that, and doesnt leave a tip, thats their fucking business. Its not my food, Im following the cookbook my supervisor provided, and this isnt a fancy restaurant in the rich part of the city: ive had clients complain like this was the fucking Ritz; it is not, if you want a better service/food, go to the fancy side of town and pay the corresponding price for it. If my boss tries not to pay me my hours, I am on my full right to demand i get my whole salary and to keep pestering her until the deal is fair. She may heve her own personal issues, but thats not my fucking problem. I do not owe the company nothing. If I do owe anything, its to treat my coworkers with respect, because they are with me every single day, they protect me and i protect them. And in this case, its not even a matter of owing here, its they they are my “siblings in arms” and i want to treat them in the best way possible.

The third thing ive learnt is how to manage my stress in a better way. Lets say i have a table, im making their food, and two more tables come in. I have to take their orders, set their tables, make their food, get whatever im missing from the storage, keep the dishes clean enough so i dont loose time washing them, etc. And that does makes my heart race and the fawn/freeze response start to set in. BUT i know what i have to do and how to to it: i just need a few seconds so the list of things to do gets organized in my brain. Its like in videogames: i visualize as a list of tasks that gets arranged according to time and complexity. What do I need, what am i missing, what can i do while I wait? If the burgers take five minutes to be done, I can set the tables and prepare the rest of what the burgers have while I wait, and after that is done and served so it doesnt get cold, i can throw the dirty dishes in the sink, squirt some dish soap and water on them, and rush to the storage to get what i need, and come back to get the table’s check. So, if i know what to do, how long does it takes, how to optimize everything, i have 0 reasons to get stressed.

The pay may be shit,and my boss is a shady af individual, but im happy i landed this job. Ive gotten the skills i have missed, and i will use them on my next jobs, and most importantly, in my life.

#mental health #work #im not even paid the minimum and im making the labor of like 4 people #but whatever #the restaurant is gonna close soon #:)

[whorecunture]

tw: suicide

nothing really matters at all i just found out i probably wont be graduating on time and it's over 3 elective credits that don't have anything to do with my degree and it's coinciding w a lot of other shit right now. like realizing i mightve just had ADHD and that's why i felt so different and weird all the time as a kid even when i tried really hard to control it and be likeable

and w this its just like. five fucking years of getting straight As, i could count the amount of Bs ive gotten on one hand but like literally none of that matters. every time i rushed to class, every late night trying my best to make sense of material, putting my heart into the work i was doing bc i really believed like it mattered and was powerful but the truth is that it doesn't matter

school is the only thing ive been able to understand and do well in. and it doesn't even matter if i move onto something else bc that next thing isnt steady either and it's like for what? five years of that, im broke, im lonely, im sad and i go through life so scared and stressed and for what?

my parents. my mom already said if i died she'd get over it and i think suicide would hurt my dad but i think he'd be okay too. i am really scared at what irl do to my little brother. we dont talk as much as id like, he's very quiet and a really great kid, but he's like 5 hrs away and doesnt see me often so im hoping that helps

im so selfish bc even the good friends i have as much as i love them, ik they'll be fine - things keep going, you meet new ppl, u find other reasons to smile. im just too tired to find it. and i don't think it'll make me happy. anther best friend won't suddenly make me happy, a partner that loves me won't make me happy, nothing will bc ive noticed all my life even when i was a kid, i always felt very sad. i think now it might've been that ADHD i just could never get what i was doing wrong and why ppl disliked it so much. and i think that left me w the fear i live w today that makes everything so hard.

it's not that i dont believe life comes in waves, that every new day is an another opportunity to be kind, to be happy, that mourning will only last for a night, it's just that i don't care anymore. even those good times, they're just a quick, minuscule moment where things are too busy for me to remember how heavy and jarring the sadness in me is.

i sometimes think that the adults who told me i was mature were just seeing that sadness.

To kill myself, I'm deciding between either taking Nyquil or renewing my prescription for my sleeping pills and swallowing it down w alcohol. I think I would want to clean my house down first. The real scandalous things i'd pack up in a bag at my doorway so a friend could take them before my parents come for my things (i leave everything to my family to sift through but Amari gets first pick at everything and dibs on what money i have left). then id pick a night, get high, watch something easy and funny, maybe spongebob or drag race, then id swallow everything while lying on my couch.

literally nothing in life matters. it doesn't matter how many times i recreate myself, it doesn't matter which god i do/dont pledge my allegiance to, it doesn't even matter how others feel about me. whatever they feel now will pass and even the parts of me that stay with them, they'll be able to live with despite everything.

nothing matters and im too tired to pretend it does so i can make it to another day.

#mental health #suicidal ideation

[zombiezomm]

Here i go again chasing after another girl who im almost positive is fucking with me. why. why do i keep doing this to myself. why am i even mad? shes not even mine. why do i get so enraged when i see other comments on your videos. why do i get so upset when my texts go hours with no response. why am i trying to make myself believe we could actually work. i have no right to be upset over you. you arent mine. as much as i want you to be. as much as i crave your attention im not entitled to it. and you arent obligated to do anything for me. maybe thats why im so stuck in my head. because i know im not the only one pursuing you. you can be ripped away from me at any given moment by someone who is available. im in a 7 year relationship and almost 2,000 miles away from you. why am i trying to pursue this. ive been through this before. idk if ill make it out entirely the same again. but something keeps pushing me toward you. its like you sense all of my anxiety and just know when to text me right before i do something ill regret. i never want to lose what we have. and i contemplate ways to make us happen everyday. Something is really different this time. ive had plenty of girls walk into my life over the years that i felt like i needed to chase. most of it was for sex. others were for something i wasnt getting at home. but you, you came when nothing was wrong in my life. my relationship was stable. i was doing things right. and then you show back up in my life after 12+ years and suddenly your all i think about. suddenly your all that matters. your happiness is like gold and your smile is worth millions. your the one on my mind when i wake up and right before i fall asleep. your the one i want to call when im excited about something. your the one i want to curl up with at night and snuggle. your the one i want to experience new things with. your the one im falling in love with. and ive been in love before. many many times. This is different. this is the feeling thats written about in books and movies. its like floating in space. theres no real sense of time. your mind kind of races all over the place but can only focus on one thing. its like breathing. i think i love you. and that terrifies me. because i know im going to be the most vulnerable ive ever been with anyone and you have the power and ability to completely and utterly destroy me. You say you wont and you want me and this life we dream about but how can i be sure of that from where i am. Again why am i even stressing about this, you arent even mine. and i dont want to hold you back in life. i want you to be free to do what makes your heart and soul happy. and at the end of the day if that isnt me i have no choice but to try to be happy for you. but god do i want it so bad. tonight i looked up at the stars and asked for one thing. you. i am falling in love with you. every day i contemplate leaving my situation for you. i know you said only do it for me and not you but lately i dont feel like me without you. i wish i could explain everything thats going on in my head. i wish i understood what the universe was trying to tell me when you showed back up. i just hope im reading it right and not fucking up my life even more. i really fucking like you. id give up the world to be with you. i just need to know youd do the same for me. i wish i didnt get so stuck in my head like this. i guess im not sleeping tonight. and im not too sure what to write anymore. i just really fucking like you and i want this to work so badly. ughhh why. what are you doing to me. your making me feel things. your breaking down the walls. something that hasnt been done in over 10 years. that last time they came down i almost didnt make it. please dont destroy me. please.

[your-jellyfish-senpai]

I love that I took two vacation days bc I needed it and it was nice but then today has just been one thing after a goddamn other and I'm about over it.

#like finding out that i was supposed to do something without ever being.... informed of that #and just having too many things dumped on my plate when im ALREADY STRUGGLING LIKE #yall want me to fucking break down completely??? #we are getting close to it!!!! #so like!!! cool!!!!!! #i know loads of people have it worse right now but god this job has been getting on my nerves #it isnt good for my heart or my nerves #like my heart is RACING because im so upset and stressed rn #thats NOT GOOD

[teddy06writes]

I feel there isnt enough sapnap x karl x quackity x reader, so can I request sap x karl x quackity x y/n where everone js tired at the end of the day, and despite having separate rooms, they all collapse together in one person’s bed

sapnap x karl x quackity x reader (HOLY SHIT THE POLY SHIP REQUESTSSSSSSS)

Trigger warnings: swearing

premise: vidcon pannels and meeting fans can be tiering, and maybe by the time the day is done you and all of your crushes collapse into bed together without realizing until the next morning  ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯

“Blep” talking

‘blep’ thinking

(y/n/n)- your nickname

(y/s/n)- your screen name

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ah vidcon, a content creators dream, or worse nightmare, or in your opinion, wild trip that lasted three days.

~~

It was your first time seeing anyone from the Dream SMP in a while, and your were practically buzzing with excitement by the time you were getting off the plane in California.

You fiddled with your carry on as you made your way towards baggage claim, grinning upon hearing a yell of “Oh my god is that (Y/n) from the internet!?”

You turned to see Alex standing just outside the gate he’d landed at, quickly you ran to hug him, stomach filling with butterflies at his touch. “Wait it’s Alex from the internet!”

You both laughed as you pulled away, starting back to baggage claim, “Are you excited for vidcon?” He asked.

“Yeah, what I’m not excited for is having to share a house with you idiot for a weekend.”

He scoffed, “What do you mean? It’s gonna be fun!”

“Oh yeah, the entire SMP together in one house, is such a good idea. It’s gonna be chaos!”

“That’s the fun part!”

“I like to sleep at night without being interrupted by random screaming and stuff.”  You argued.

“I’m sure there won’t be random screaming.”

“You seriously underestimate Tommy.” By now you had made it to baggage claim and began to look around for the right carousel.

You split up, planning on meeting back by the door to wait outside for Bad, who had arrived the day before and was picking people up, a few at a time.

After waiting at one carousel for a few minutes your suitcase came rolling out, but as you went to grab it someone else grabbed it from behind you, a familiar voice drawling, “Hey, hey.”

Grinning you turned to see Nick smiling back at you, “Hey yourself.”

He hugged you, and again your stomach filled with butterflies.

Pull away you smiled, “Come on, I think I left Alex just over there.”

Grabbing your suitcase in one hand, and his hand in the other you tugged him off toward where you’d left Alex, calling, “Alex look who I found!” as soon as he was in view.

Nick dropped your hand to grab Alex’s to pull him into a hug, and you found yourself fighting a grin at how red Alex's face turned.

“Bad texted me that he’s almost here!” You announced after checking your phone.

“Who else is he picking up?” Nick asked.

“Uhhh,” You pulled the messages back up, “Karl and Fundy, and then Wilbur is supposed to be getting another rental car and driving the rest of the Europeans when they get here, minus George cause apparently he also flew out early.”

You all headed out towards the pick up area, weaving through the crowds of people you felt Nick grab the back of your shirt, and when you looked back at him in question he muttered, “So I don’t lose you Idiot.”

All you could do was hope your face was clear of any blush as you smiled back.

You all ended up stood near the curb when a voice cut through the chatter, “Hey gu-uys!”

“Karl!” The three of you exclaimed as he ran through the crowd towards you.

Upon reaching you he some how managed to get his arms around all of you enough for a group hug, and you laughed, “Shouldn’t you be at the other gate?”

“Yeah, but I thought I saw you guys so I came over here, and I was right!”

Alex cocked an eyebrow, “What if it wasn’t us?”

“uhhh, I dunno, awkwardly ran at random people?”

You all laughed, and Nick scoffed, “You’re ridiculous.”

After a few more minutes of waiting, a car slowed near the curb, Fundy’s head practically falling from passenger window, “I’m looking for some youtubers, dumb American ones, you seen any?”

Bad smacked him, “they aren’t dumb, hey guys!”

You waved at them as the guys started loading their suitcases into the back of the car, and after Karl insisted he take yours as well, you slid into the back seat, “What’s the house situation like?”

“It looks like just about everyone will get there own room,” Bad reported, “But Tommy, Tubbo, Ranboo and Purpled are sharing the room with the bunk beds, because Clay designated it as the kids room.”

You snickered as Alex climbed into the back next to you, leaving Nick and Karl to take the spots in the middle row of the van.

“And obviously cause Kristen’s coming she and Phil are sharing, and then Eret said he, Puffy, and Niki would take the room with the double beds,” Fundy offered, “Which means the rest of us should get single rooms.”  

Alex elbowed you, “Told you wouldn’t get stuck with random screaming.” 

“Oh there's still time for that.”

~~

After getting to the airbnb and racing Fundy for one of the bigger rooms that was left (it was decided Phil and Kristen would get the master bedroom, and Clay had already claimed the biggest guest bedroom), you dropped your suitcase in one corner and brought your toiletries bag in the shared bathroom between your and Nick’s rooms, before flopping back onto your bed. 

No more than three minutes passed before Karl wandered into your room, flopping down next to you, “Ranboo and Sam are making nachos, and Dream and Nick found a foosball table in the garage, so a mini tournament is being organized if you want in.” 

“Foosball?” You questioned. 

“Yeah, it’s gonna be fun.” 

You allowed him to tug you up, and followed him down from the left hall of bedrooms, through the living room and to the connected garage where George was yelling over everyone to try and form teams. 

“Me and (Y/n) are a team!” Nick announced, grabbing your hand to pull you towards him. 

“Okay, that leaves Big Q and Karl as the last team for now! When other people show up they can join.” George announced. 

The rest of the day passed in a blur of foosball games, nacho’s nearly being spilled everywhere and the rest of the people arriving. 

~~

The next day was the first day of vidcon, and after getting dressed in some casual clothes you grabbed your laptop and headed out to the living room, mostly empty in the quiet house, with the exception of Tubbo, who was flipping through tv channels, and Phil, who was tinkering around in the kitchen. 

“So what’s your plan for the day?” Tubbo asked, finally having settled on a baking show. 

“Uhh, stress about the panel until it’s time for the panel, hang out, maybe find a pizza place, you?” 

“Me and Tommy are just gonna wander the convention center most of today cause I don’t have anything until the meet and greet tomorrow, then when he has to go I think me, Ranboo and Fundy might be going to mess with dream george and sapnap during the dream team panel. What’s you first panel about?” 

You glanced back down at your laptop, “It’s listed as ‘small creators with a big part’” 

From the kitchen you heard Phil chuckle.

“Oh cool.” Tubbo smiled, turning back to his show. 

You looked back down at your laptop, reading over the possible sample questions and discussion topics, you wanted to be mentally prepared for this.

At some point, as the rest of the house began to stir Alex shuffled out from the hallway and plopped down in between you and Tubbo on the couch, throwing his legs up in your lap.

“Good morning.”

He groaned, “Why is it so early?”

“It isn’t,” you laughed, flicking at his forehead, “Your just jet lagged.”

“Is there coffee here?”

As if on cue Nick, who had come over from the kitchen, offered him a mug, “Phil made a big ass pot of it.”

“Oh thank fuck!” He took the cup greatfully.

Nick smiled, handing you the other mug before going back for his own as Karl flounced into the room and plopped down on the other couch, “Good morning!” 

“Morning Karl!” You smiled. 

“oooo, are we watching cake wars?” He asked excitedly. 

Tubbo nodded and launched into an explanation of what had happened so far in the episode. 

Eventually everyone woke up and was gathered around in the living room and kitchen, drinking coffee and tea as they planned for the day. 

“Well if most of us have different things planned why don’t we just plan to meet back up here before dinner?” Niki suggested. 

A half asleep Wilbur nodded, “Sounds like a good idea.”

Techno snickered at his grogginess, elbowing him lightly, “I guess the first panel really will be sleepy boys inc.” 

If Wilbur had been fully awake he probably would’ve elbowed him back, but instead just muttered, “Shut up.” 

“Okay! So we meet back here for six yeah?” Bad asked. 

Everyone nodded, and disappeared back to their various places around the house to get ready. 

Back in your room you put your laptop away and got the last of your things ready for the panel, even though it wasn’t starting for a few hours.

“(Y/n)! Your panel’s at 12 right?” Nick half yelled through the open bathroom doors. 

“Yeah?”

“Okay cool, do you wanna come with me, Alex and Karl? Apparently Jimmy and all them just got in.” 

“Sure.”

You had talked to the famed, ‘Mr. Beast’, a few times, and had even been in one or two of his gaming videos, so before you knew it Alex was stealing the keys to one of the rental cars and you were off. 

“Yeah we just left the airbnb.” Karl, said into his phone. There was a pause before he said, “Oof, I’m glad I came out early then.” Another pause and then he laughed, “Nimrods. We can stop for food if you want?” 

A few minutes later he ended the call, leaning up between the front seats, “The gang requires food, we’re taking a pit stop to taco bell.” 

“Taco bell? At 9 in the morning?” Alex questioned. 

“Yeah apparently the nimrods forgot to get food before they left the airport, and now their stuck in traffic. We’re gonna meet them at the hotel.” 

You chuckled, “Sounds like a Jimmy move. Let me guess, they forgot because none of them slept and they took a red eye?” 

“What the fuck is a red eye?” 

You looked back at Nick, incredulous, “You don’t know what a red eye is? Oh my god you privileged fool!” 

Alex snorted, “It’s a really early flight Nick. Like, a you get to the airport for 11pm, and end up eating breakfast when you get to the other airport, flight.”

“Or, a get to the airport for anytime between 11pm and 4am and regret your life choices while waiting for your plane.” You offered. 

“In other words, hell.” Alex finished, pulling into a drive thru. 

“Yikes, why would anyone do that?” Nick asked. 

“It’s cheap.” Karl said. 

“Planes are less crowded, so are the airports.” Alex added. 

You smiled, “I do it for the feeling of a lineal space. There's no vibes like airports from 11pm to 4am.”

They all laughed, and Karl quickly unrolled his window to order an ungodly amount of food. 

~~

Unsurprisingly,  after that the day passed in a blur, the panel going pretty well, and then the impromptu meet and greet outside the meeting hall, trying to make it through the convention center with Clay and Nick without being mobbed, and then suddenly everyone was back at the airbnb getting ready for dinner. 

“(y/n) you bitch why are you taking so long in there!” Tommy yelled through the bathroom door. 

“I’m trying to fix my hair from when you threw water at me prick! There's five other bathrooms in this house go find another one!” You yelled back. 

Distantly you could hear Bad yell, “Language!” 

“Everyone is in the other bathrooms!” 

Giving up on your hair you set the brush back down and recapped the container of paste, turning and opening the door to your room, “Alright, fine.” 

“That wasn’t that hard was it?” Tommy asked, moving past you into the bathroom. 

“Don’t touch my stuff.” You instructed, striding out of the room and down the hall. 

Out in the living room Eret was humming as they cleaned up the last of the later Tommy had gotten everywhere as the rest of the group started to assemble. 

Once everyone was finally ready, and the final arguments of who would take which car, you were shoved into the back of one of the vans with Karl and Alex, making all of the anxiety that had dissipated after the panel came flooding back, especially when Nick, who was sitting on the bench seat in front of you, turned to join the conversation. 

The night was spent trying to keep blush off your face whenever Karl’s knuckles brushed yours, when Nick’s arm found it’s way around the back of your chair, or when your and Alex’s knees bumped. 

‘God’, you had thought, ‘this is like some romcom shit.’ 

After Tommy’s fail attempt to steal a set of car keys and try and drive home  -Phil smacked him upside the head, Niki snatched the keys from his hand, Kristen started to lecture him, all while the rest of you laughed your asses off- The bill was paid, and everyone piled back up into the cars, already starting to plan a movie night. 

Upon getting back to the airbnb, you headed back to your room to change back into the hoodie and comfortable pants you had been wearing earlier, heading back into the living room in time to steal Punz’s seat on the couch with Nick and Karl. 

When Alex squeezed into the spot between you and Nick, you could’ve sworn you saw Techno smirking and Puffy waggling her eyebrows toward you, how they found out about your stupid group crush you had no clue, but then Clay and Skeppy started to argue over what movie to put on. 

Tubbo ended up taking the remote from Clay, and from where he was sitting In front of one of the couches, tossed it over to Phil on the other side of the room, who said, “We’ll do a vote then!” 

A movie was selected democratically, some cheesy action movie began to play, and at some point you half turned, propping your legs up across the boys laps as Alex maintained a running commentary on the movie, just loud enough for you and Nick to hear, and Karl absently traced small shapes into your ankles. 

~~

The second day of vidcon was the most hectic, with you, Nick and Alex were going to watch the Mr. Beast panel Karl got to be a part of, plus both the dream smp panel and the meet and greet later in the day. 

You had woken up to Karl and Alex jumping on top of you, “Wake up! You’re gonna be late!” 

You groaned, struggling to shove them off, “What time is it?” 

“8:27.” Alex said, sliding off your bed. 

“Fuck,” You muttered, “Get off me, what the hell happened to my alarm?” 

“You left your phone in the other room, when it went off it woke us up.” Karl explained. 

“He means it woke him up and he felt the need to wake me up,” Alex complained as you sat up now free of the people laying on you, “Why the hell is your alarm set so early?” 

“It’s not early, I just wanted to be able to get ready without being in anyone’s way.” 

Karl nodded, “Makes sense.”

“C’mon, let’s give them time to get ready.” Alex grabbed Karl’s arm, half dragging him out of the room.

You quickly got ready, pulling on a nicer button down, plus a jacket that was one of the first from your new merch line.

You finished your hair, plugged in your phone and headed out to the kitchen where Fundy seemed to be attempting to make pancakes, dragging Karl into the process as well.

You sat down next to Alex and Ranboo, “How long do you think until they burn the house down?”

“I am not going to burn the house!” Fundy exclaimed.

You reached over and turned down the heat on the griddle, “Well you were gonna burn something.”

Ranboo snickered, “They aren’t wrong.”

“Shut up Ranboob!” Fundy retorted.

They continued to bicker as Tubbo emerged from up stairs, shoving Fundy out of the way to take over the griddle. “You’re all ridiculous.” He muttered.

“Yeah no shit.” You sighed.

“Language!” Bad yelled from the dining room.

“French!” Eret called back as she entered the kitchen, “Morning guys!”

“Morning!” Tuboo chirped, starting to flip some of the pancakes. 

“It’s panel day!” Tommy yelled, charging down the stairs, “Those best be chocolate chip Tubbo!” 

Karl held up the bag of chocolate chips he been scattering into some of the pancakes, and Tommy grinned, “Karl my man!” 

~~

Once breakfast was eaten and the dishes cleared everyone loaded back up into the cars to head to the convention center, everyone splitting up again, planning to meet back in the right area in time for the full panel. 

Karl headed off to meat with Jimmy and the guys as You Alex and Nick took spots in the audience. 

Once they took to the stage Nick leaned over and elbowed Alex, “Bet you 10 bucks when they open for questions you don’t go up just to flirt with Karl.” 

Alex glared at him, “10 bucks isn’t worth it.” 

You held back a laugh, “I’d throw in another 20.” 

Alex considered this with a sigh, “Deal, but only if we get milkshakes later.” 

You and Nick agreed, and soon enough when they opened up for audience questions Alex started to stand up, but immediately sat back down blushing slightly, “No.” 

“Damn.” Nick sighed. “We’re still getting milkshakes.” 

Once the Mr. Beast panel had ended you all went to meet up with Karl and head off to the dream smp panel. 

2 o'clock rolled around and the panel moderator began to announce everyone, one by one, and you managed to force down your anxiety, taking your place on the stage between Karl and Nick when the mod called, “(y/s/n), one of the first people to actually join the dream smp.” 

You sat down, smiling at the audience and quickly sneaking out your phone to take a quick video of your friends and then a pan of the crowd to put on twitter later.

Once everyone was on stage the moderator looked up and down the long table, “Wow, there are a lot of people on stage right now, is this everyone from the server?” 

Clay nodded, “Just about, we have a few others, Alyssa, Callahan, Ponk and Antfrost, who had other stuff going on, but for the most part, this is everyone from the server.” 

“This is honestly incredible, how, how are you guys all feeling about being here? I know this is the first Dream SMP panel, but you guys have been to vidcon before right?” 

“Most of us,” George laughed, “I think the only one who hasn’t is (y/s/n), there first ever panel was yesterday.” 

The mod looked over at you, “So, how does it feel to be at your first vidcon?” 

You laughed nervously, “Well, I mean, I’ve been to vid con before, but I was always out there in the audience, it’s- it’s pretty nerve wracking to be up here.” 

The topic shifted and after that things seemed to move more quickly. 

In the blink of an eye the first hour and a half was spent and people from the audience began to ask questions. 

“Wilbur, as the main writer for roleplaying on the server is it hard to keep track of character specifics and story arcs or is it all just written in with the scripts?”

Someone asked.Wilbur hummed, “Well I guess in part it’s written in the scripts, but I think I should turn this question over to (y/s/n), they’ll have a more interesting answer.”

Everyone turned to you. 

“Well, in my mind it isn’t all that hard, but I am literally the kid who memorized long monologues for fun.” You chuckled, “Once the first revolution arc started and the server really started to turn to roleplaying I started a google doc that now gets updated constantly. I have running tabs on current arcs, details on arcs that have ended and then there's detailed character descriptions. 

“I don’t necessarily write down bits to add while I’m streaming or anything, but most of the time it has to be the middle of the night or I won’t file anything correctly.”

Nick chuckled, “I have seen the document, it is terrifying.” 

“Didn’t someone open it to see you updating in the middle of the night once?” Ranboo asked. 

Alex nodded, “Yeah that was me, it was very traumatic, like, I blinked, and then there was another fifty words on the page.” 

You dropped your head in your hands, “It was the night after the whole election thing! Techno joined the server and then I had to add a whole ‘nother character profile, and he and his stupid English major were making things complicated!” 

“Listen man, I just wanted to make sure I had a backstory that fit into the story line, ‘s not my fault when Wilbur lets Dream have partial control of thing the storyline ends up non cohesive.” 

People laughed, and the topic was changed with the next question.

~~

Two and a half hours later, an extra hour after the panel was supposed to end, (there was just so many extra questions), you headed off stage, and were all rushed across the center for the meet and greet, which had been pushed back in time with the panel.

You felt bad for making the fans wait, but the organizers assured you that it was fine, most of the fans had been at the panel anyway.

In the big open hall the orginizors spilt everyone up into groups of threes and fours, the way fans could move down the line and see everyone.

Inevitably you ended up with Karl, Nick and Alex, at the end of the long sections of people.

“Holy shit man, how is it already 6?” Alex asked.

“Who knows.” Nick muttered glancing down at his phone.

“Dude this is supposed to go for like three hours too.” You complained, rocking up on your heals to look down the line, seeing the first groups of people starting to move past Tommy, Tubbo and Fundy.

“We’ll be fine! It’s always fun to meet fans!” Karl said, though he did look slightly wary.

After another three hours of talking to fans, signing things, and taking pictures the last group of people finally made it to your section.

“Hey! They saved the coolest for last!” The boy exclaimed.

“Hell yeah they did!” Alex half yelled back, some how still managing to keep up the enthusiasm.

“Here, let’s get you guys all in a picture together!” His mother said, motioning for you to all stand together. You slung an arm around the kids shoulder, smiling at the camera. “

“Okay serious question time, which one of us is the best?”

“Uhh,” the boy looked from person to person, “probably you (y/s/n), your contents really cool but your under rated.”

You grinned, offering him a fist bump, “ha! See that’s the third person in the last hour!”

Karl scoffed, “but I got like six people over all.”

“I only got five.” Alex pouted.

You rolled your eyes as the boy asked, “So if you guys are in a poly relationship on the server does it create problems with your friendship in real life?”

You all froze, except for Nick who somehow seemed to know this was coming, “Well, in game and out of game relationships are different, sure you can ship all you want, but that doesn’t mean stuff actually happens in real life.”

The kid nodded, “Cool, hey I saw your stream like, during quesrentine, just a question, how many people have tried to fight you today?”

You laughed, “at least 15 took pictures with him squared up.”

A few minutes more and the kid was gone, being ushered away by his mom, and you glanced at your phone, “holy shit it’s already 9:15.”

“Where did the time go?” Kale asked incredulous.

~~

After meeting back up with the rest of the group you all headed off to terrorize a McDonald’s, drawing a lot of attention from random fans as you all scarfed down food.

By the time you got back to the Airbnb it was nearly 11pm and everyone was exhausted.

After quickly getting ready for bed you a collapsed.

~~

The next morning you woke up, and for a moment worth your eyes still closed you were perfectly content with the warmth pressed agasint you.

Then you came fully too, realizing that, no, you weren’t fully swaddled in your comforter, you were laying in a bed with other people.

Opening your eyes you blinked away sleep, looking down, confused to see Alex asleep with his head on your chest.

Turning your head you saw that it was Nick on your other side an arm wrapped around you both.

Karl was half sprawled across all of you, similarly to the airport, as if he could hold all of you at once. You sat in shock for several moments before realizing you were in fact, trapped in bed.

Alex’s fingers were tangled with yours, Nicks nose was pressed into your neck, and you could have sworn Karl shifted in his sleep, as if to get closer to you.

‘Well,’ you thought, ‘might as well make the most of it.’ As settled back down to fall back asleep.

~~

Once you had all woke again, no one spoke as they headed back to there own rooms, and your crossed back through the bathroom form Nicks.

~~

The rest of the day past, still no one speaking about it, and that night you found yourself laying in your own bed, wondering why it felt so wrong.

There was muffled whispers from Nicks room, and you quietly got up, moving into the bathroom to hear better.

Unfortunately for you Nicks door to the bathroom was still open, so you couldn’t eavesdrop as planned.

Karl and Alex were both sat on the bed next to each other as Nick paced. “What’s going on?” You asked quietly

“Would- would it be weird if we cuddled again?” Alex asked hesitantly.

“We were debating asking you.” Karl admitted.

Nick nodded, “You don’t have to, it’s just- we-“

Quietly you crossed the room, climbing into the bed instead of answering the question outright.

~~

“Is- I- am I stupid, or is this something?” Alex whispered.

Vidcon had ended and even with the long weekend everyone was staying in California the time had gone all to fast.

You, Alex, Karl and Nick had continued to cuddle every night, still not talking about it during the day.

“Do you think it could be?” Was your only response, continuing to card your fingers through Karl’s hair.

“It seems like it already is.” Nick said.

Karl yawned, “I think I’d like it to be.You nodded,

“me too.”

“Me too.” Nick agreed.

Alex smiled, “I guess it’s decided then.”

The dark room was quiet another moment before you snickered, “It’s cannon irl now guys. What will the fans think?”

#mcyt x reader #karl jacobs x reader #mcyt imagines #karl jacobs imagines #sapnap x reader #teddy06 writes #quackity x reader #Quackity imagines #karlnapity #karlnapity x reader #sapnap x quackity x karl x reader #poly

[shiggyscumrag]

Yamaguchi and Tsukishima helping out their s/o after and during a panic attack

Sorry its been really hard to write lately, like I just have no motivation. So sorry it's taken me so long to post an actual fic thing idk man-

I had a panic attack the other night after not having one in months (I dont frequently have them, they are usually triggered when I'm out in public and in a high stress situation so this was pretty rare) so I wanted to write a self indulgent fic about one of my favs characters helping the reader with a panic attack/comforting them after the fact.

Personally listening to music helps me a lot when I'm feeling really anxious and it helped me get through my attack. Focusing in on the beat and lyrics helps me control my breathing and kinda blocks me out from the outside world. Idk if that makes since but yeah. So in one of the drabbles the reader is gonna listen to music to calm themselves down👍🏻

Warnings: mention of reader having a panic attack, mention of the reader struggling to breath, anxiety mentioned and discussed, angst with comfort :)

YAMAGUCHI TADASHI

You laid on your comforter, a whiff of clean linen hitting your nostrils. You smiled lightly. You sat up slowly keeping your breath steady. Slowly wiping away the still fresh tears on your face. You didnt realize you had cried? Hm...interesting.

You walked out of your bedroom to your kitchen to get some ice cold water (the best kind of water) and to continue to calm down. After about thirty or so minutes of sitting in the kitchen sipping your water in silence you heard the front door open.

"Y/n? Love, I'm home!" Tadashi shouted taking off his shoes and rounding the corner to the kitchen. "Oh-" he stopped startled to see you sitting there mid drink. You were just so quiet he didnt realize you were there waiting. "Hello my love!" He came around the counter and gave you a smooch on your forehead. He pulled back and noticed your face and eyes were swollen puffy. It looked like you had been crying. "Love are you alright? Have you been crying?" He asked grabbing and examining your face.

You hummed closing your eyes slightly pouting. "I'm okay tashi-" a wheeze breaking from your throat cutting you off.

"Clearly not." He spoke quietly looking at you in the eyes. His emerald green eyes finding your (e/c) ones.

"I just had a little panic attack, but in fine now! I promise!" You spoke stopping part way through. Concern growing on his face, you continued trying to reassure him. "I stepped away from what trigged it and have been cooling down for about a half hour. I promise you Tadashi that I am okay." You say, a bit of sternness pushing through you voice. No longer hoarse or wobbly like before.

With no words Tadashi pulled you into his grasp giving you a firm but not to hard hug, kissing the top of your forehead.

"You could have called me." He finally spoke solemnly.

"I didn't want to bother you. Plus I had it under control!" You pushed back looking him in the eyes while continuing on "It wasnt super bad or anything, plus my phone triggered it so I threw it out of sight."

"Okay, just-" he stopped hesitantly, his grip getting a little tighter around the side of your arms but not to tight. "Call me if you need me next time, okay?" He finally spoke making eye contact once again.

"Of course, Tashi!" You exclaimed while your hands found home on his spotted cheeks. A smile growing across his face. "Now let's order some ramen, I'm starving!"

TSUKISHIMA KEI

You can't breathe. Why can't you breathe? This is a thing you should be able to do without thinking so why can't you? Your mind racing at a thousand miles a minute. breathe. Breathe. BREATHE.

There you were hyperventilating while laying down on your bed. You couldn't catch your breathe no matter how hard you tried. You knew you were having a panic attack. This isnt your first rodeo, but what triggered it? You were simply scrolling on your phone? Sure you had a stressful day and you were feeling a bit anxious. And yeah sure the notifications popping up every two seconds made you're anxiety spike even more, but still. That's no reason to trigger an attack, so why were you having one?

You wheezed out his name as loud as you could in the state you were currently in. You didnt think he heard you. You needed him to help you with stuff you cpuldnt currently move to get. Holy fuck, what were you gonna do. It felt like you were dying. Tsuki not coming made you spiral more. What if he was hurt and needed you more than you needed him? What if something happened? What if he left to go grab something and you just didnt hear him tell you? You were spiraling quickly. Starting to see black dots cloud your vision you finally heard the bedroom door open and Kei rush to your side. Not touching you, he didnt want to hurt you.

"Y/n? Y/n, what's going on? Come on baby, talk to me!" He said panicked.

"H-headphones-" you wheezed out.

He rushed over to the nightstand and grabbed them. Running back overheard asked "Okay, okay I got 'em! Now what?" He asked, a wild panicked look in his eye. A frown across his pale skin.

You pointed to your phone. He got the signal and plugged them in jabbing in your passcode hurriedly. Phone now unlocked he looked for your music app to pull up your favorite playlist and put the headphones in your ears as he hit play.

Hands finding your eyes you held your arms up, opening up your lungs. You focused on the words that were blasting in your ears as you tried to even out your breaths. Tsuki sat their right next to you, waiting for you to catch your breathe, not touching you. He didn't want to disturb or distract you.

After about 3 songs you could finally breath normally again. You reached over and pulled the ear buds out of your ears. Turning off the music you tossed your phone to the other end of the bed. You wiped your now wet face to get rid of the sweat and tears. Tsukishima only stared not knowing if you were okay for physical contact yet. You turned to him red faced with puffy swollen eyes and cheeks. You gave him a light smile. He pulled you into his embrace and started rubbing comforting circles into your back cooing praises into your ear. You simply sat in his arms focusing on his words and the warmth of his body agaisnt yours.

"Thank you, Kei." You wheezed out.

"Oh shut up, theres no reason to thank me." He turned kissing your temple, pulling you harder into him. You smiled gently and cuddled into his loving embrace.

#hq x reader #hq x gn!reader #hq x male reader #hq x female reader #hq tsukishima #hq tadashi #hq yamaguchi #hq comfort #hq angst to comfort #hq angst #tw panic attack #tw anxiety #tsukishima kei #tsukishima comfort #yamaguchi x you #yamaguchi comfort #tsukishima x you #tsukishima x gn!reader #yamaguchi x gn!reader #yamaguchi tadashi #haikyuu tsukishima #haikyuu x gender neutral reader #haikyuu comfort #haikyuu yamaguchi #anime #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x you #haikyuu x poc!reader #haikyuu angst #writing

[ariesbilly]

Pls tell me more about fp struggling to cope with freds shooting 😭

i just think he has a lot of anxiety nightmares after and thats when he even bothers to sleep most nights he just sits up awake watching fred making sure hes still breathing... so hes exhausted all the time because of that which is not helping at all. and he has a lot of flashbacks to finding his mom dead in their trailer and he’ll just blank for a few minutes totally lost in that zone like he starts thinking about it soooo much all of a sudden when its something hes tried to bury for years and years. he panics if he calls out for fred and he doesnt answer right away (and if fp has to call his name two or more times without answer it gets INTENSE. meanwhile fred just couldnt hear him cuz he was in the shower or something) 

and all the stress and anxiety starts manifesting physically too like hes getting headaches all the time he cant eat he has random hot flashes he’ll get the shakes his heart starts racing a mile a minute. and of course hes not talking to anyone about this because he doesnt want to pull attention from fred, nobody needs to be worrying about him so he convinces himself that hes fine and this is all normal 

but yeah really its all stemming from the fact that he actually never dealt with his moms death like of course the thought of losing fred is traumatic enough and wouldve fucked him up on its own but add on all those years where he couldnt properly mourn his mother and never like talked to a grief counselor, sure not a therapist, or anything and having to keep his shit together because of his dad like its all finally bubbling up to the surface. AND hes trying to do this shit sober ???? bitch is a MESS hes getting so testy with anyone who isnt fred or archie like mans is starting full blown fights with people for no reason its out of hand

#briana answers things

[13uswntimagines]

Where Do I Fit? (Preath x Little!Reader)

Request: angsty little!reader with Tobin, where Tobin was rs caretaking fir way before Christen(like since college?) and they tell Christen but she isnt okay with it at first but accepts it by gettung r stuffies to apologise?

“It’s not like that Chris,” Tobin sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. Her elbows rested on her knees. The two of you had been trying to explain this for a better part of an hour, and Christen still didn’t understand. 

“Then tell me what it’s like Tobin, because from what you’ve said it sounds like your adult friend pretends to be a toddler, and you give her baths and feed her bottles. Do I need to continue? It’s some kinky shit-...” Christen said exasperated, frustratedly running fingers through her hair. How Tobin thought she would be ok with this? She was at a loss for words. 

Tobin shook her head, blinking up at her girlfriend “It’s not sexual Christen. It just-“  

“What, makes you feel good?” Christen spat, crossing her arms defensively across her chest. 

“Helps me deal with stress and anxiety, in a more positive way,” you mumbled, shifting anxiously on the couch next to Tobin, shivering at the glare Christen sent your way. You weren’t in love with Tobin, actually, you had a girlfriend of your own (who also happened to be little). Tobin was your safety blanket, and you just wished Christen could understand. 

****

Tobin had been your mama since college. An arrangement that had been made after she found you curled up under your dorm room bed, so stressed you didn’t know what day it was much less what stuff you had to get done. Instead of running away, she had pulled you into her arms and rocked you until you were done crying. 

After a little research and some explaining about why you regressed and how long it had been happening on your end, Tobin wholeheartedly embraced the role of Mama. And together you became more comfortable. She made you bottles and helped you keep track of school and soccer. As your best friend she decided it was her duty to protect you, and you were too fucking adorable when you were little to pass up. 

Then your Mama started dating Christen, and after a few months of them being serious, it was decided that you had to tell Chris. That you could propose that she join in your little arrangement. You got along well with the woman, and she was pretty nurturing to you anyway (especially at national team camps) making sure you ate and didn’t stay up at all hours of the night with your girlfriend and the youngins. 

****

Christen paused mid-pace, turning to look her girlfriend in the eye. “I don’t know how I feel about having a third person in our relationship Tobin,” She said calmly, crossing her arms. 

“Baby, I promise you it’s not like that. Y/n may be my baby girl, but I’m not romantically attracted to her. She’s my best friend, and this helps her,” Tobin pleaded, begging for the woman she loved to understand. She didn’t want to lose her and she didn’t want to lose her baby girl. You were a very sensitive little, absolutely petrified of her getting bored and abandoning you one day. She had made so many promises, and she couldn’t bear the thought that she might have to break them. 

“So what, she’ll call you whenever she’s little and you’ll just fucking drop everything to go ‘help’ her?” Christen’s eyebrow quirked up. 

You frowned. You had been hoping that this conversation would end in you having another mommy, so technically you would be calling them, and you were always mindful of overstaying your welcome. 

“I wouldn’t abuse that,” You huffed. 

“But you can’t control when you're little or whatever right? As long as you’re involved in this thing, she will always come first, and that’s not a healthy relationship,”  Christen asked viciously, turning her attention to you for the first time. You sunk into the couch, fighting the natural descent into little space that came with such looks. With looks only Moms could muster. 

You opened your mouth to respond, only for Tobin to jump in first. “Babe, we’ll figure it out. I was act-”

“Well then, I’ll be back when you figure your priorities out,” Christen scoffed, grabbing her keys and her purse and slamming the door behind her. 

Heavy silence stretched across Tobin’s apartment, both of you staring at the door. 

You hadn’t been expecting things to be rainbows and butterflies, but you didn’t think it was going to come down to an ultimatum. Little you or the love of Tobin’s life. It wasn’t a fair choice, but you knew exactly what needed to be done, no matter how much it hurt. 

“I was afraid that would happen,” You sighed, staring at the door, gulping to try and stay big. Trying to force yourself to hold back the painful emotions that were rattling in your chest. Someone had to be the mature one. The realistic one. 

“Y/n,” Tobin said softly, her voice ruff with unushered tears.

You shook your head, patting her knee, but never looking in her direction. If you did you wouldn’t be able to hold yourself together anymore. You wouldn’t be able to do what needed to be done. You had promised yourself that you would never get in the way of her love life, and you were about to follow through on that. “It’s fine Tobin. I understand,”

“I love her,” Tobin said, sniffling, and you felt a little piece of your heart crack. Didn't Tobin love little you too? Just not enough. You swallowed hard, again pushing those feelings down. This wasn’t about you, and Tobin deserved to be happy. 

“I know. Go after her, I know how to let myself out. I’ll go to Lindsey’s and text the group chat to see if anyone wants another little,” You shrugged. Lindsey could handle you and your girlfriend for the night, and the group chat was sure to be able to give you good advice, at least until you figured this whole thing out. They hadn’t let you down yet. 

Tobin made a strangled sound at the mention of the group chat. At the idea that one of her friends could ever replace her as your mama. She knew that it was the logical next step (you and little Em were a handful on your own, together you were little terrors), but she couldn’t help the little twinge in her heart. 

“I’m sorry,” She said, bringing her hand over yours and squeezing tightly. She hoped it could convey how badly she felt about this whole situation. She never thought Christen would react so badly. 

You bit your lip, avoiding looking at your mama. “Don’t be. You were the best Mama ever. Now go,” You mumbled, kissing the back of her hand and shooing her towards the door. She didn’t even spare a glance in your direction as she left. 

You stood from the couch, walking to the guest room that always served as your nursery. You collected your little things bag, Roary (you could never leave him behind), and your Batman blanket before heading towards the door. You paused in the doorway, turning to glance over the room one more time, allowing yourself to reminisce for just a second. How you wished this night had gone differently. You sighed, shaking your head and closing the door behind you. You would find a new caregiver, but Tobin would always be your mama. 

****

You were miserable. Completely, totally and utterly miserable. Hovering somewhere between adult you and little you, curled up in the corner of Lindsey’s couch, staring listlessly into space. Even your girlfriend cuddled into your side, running race cars gently over your legs couldn't cheer you up, and Lindsey was starting to get worried. 

“I don’t know what else to do, short of calling Tobin,” Lindsey said quietly, watching you from where her and Kelley were hovering by the door. It was one thing handling her little handful, and a complete other trying to take in both of you at the same time. She didn’t even know where to begin with you, hence why she called in reinforcements. 

You had known Kelley and Alex for almost as long as you had known Tobin. You trusted them, and if anyone could get you out of your funk, your aunt Kelley could. 

“You tried pudding?” Kelley asked, biting her lip. You were curled into the couch, Emily cuddled into your side, sending glances every now and then towards the stuffed triceratops you had left on the other couch. Pudding was little you’s favorite cheat food, and if that didn’t work she wasn’t sure what to do next. By now the entire team was aware of what was going on between you and Tobin, and none of them were surprised that little you wasn’t taking it so well. 

“And ice cream, and hot pretzels and Mac and cheese. I even tried warm milk,” Lindsey nodded. She had seen you upset before, but never this bad. She was literally at her wits end, and Emily wasn’t even being her normally bratty self. 

“Damn,” Kelley sighed, rubbing the back of her neck anxiously. How Tobin was going to fix this mess she didn’t know and how she was going to aid your obviously miserable self she wasn’t sure either. 

“Yeah, and she forbade me from calling Tobs,” Lindsey mumbled, patting Kelley’s shoulder. Kelley was known to have a magic touch with littles, but Lindsey was skeptical anyone besides your mama could pull you from this funk. 

“From the text she sent the group chat I’m not surprised. I’ll see what I can do,” Kelley nodded, shooing Lindsey towards the kitchen to heat up some Mac and cheese. She would get you to eat something even if it killed her. 

She slowly made her way over to you, gently patting Emily’s shin when she was close enough. “Hey Emmy, your mama wants to see you in the kitchen please,” 

The blond little blinked up at her, big Emily suddenly very present in her eyes. She didn’t like how much pain you were in, but you both trusted Kelley. The two stared at each other for a moment, before Emily nodded once, seemingly satisfied that Kelley would help. 

Emily leaned up and kissed your cheek before toddling off towards the kitchen. Maybe mama would get her a cookie. 

Kelley took her spot, watching you carefully, as though you were a puzzle she was trying to solve. “How you holding up bug?”

You shrugged in response, tucking your legs tighter underneath you and crossing your arms. 

“Not too good then huh?” Kelley filled in, scooting a little bit closer to you, taking a breath of relief when you didn’t curl into an impossibly tighter ball. 

You nodded once. While big you understood why Tobin couldn’t be your mama, little you was devastated that she had chosen someone over you. That she didn’t love you anymore (big you knew this was just as hard for her). 

Kelley’s eyebrows furrowed. You usually hovered around 2 and a half or three when you were little, but this version of you was far smaller. Small enough for you to go nonverbal. The only person to see you this small was Tobin, and as far as Kelley knew the last time this had happened you were still in college. 

“Well, I don’t know about you, but Roary was telling me that his tummy was hurting. Does your tummy hurt?” She asked you softly, holding up your favorite stuffed triceratops and wiggling him in front of your face. 

You shrugged again. Yeah your tummy was a little grumbly, but you were sad and all you wanted was for mama to scoop you up, but she couldn’t. 

“I know you’re upset bug, but not eating isn’t going to make you or Roary feel better, ok? Aunt Lindsey made Mac and cheese and it’ll warm you up ok?” she tried again, nudging your cheek with Roary’s nose. You bit your lip in thought. You did love Mac and cheese, and you didn’t want Roary to turn into a grumpasaurus. 

“Otay,” you mumbled, reaching for the defender (who despite her short stature was still an inch taller than you). She smiled tightly at you, handing you your stuffed Dino and picking you up to head towards the kitchen. At least they were getting you to eat. 

*****

Christen sighed from her place on the couch next to Tobin, glaring at the cellphone that had gotten far more attention than she had tonight. All she wanted was a date night with her girlfriend, and Tobin had spent the whole thing glued to her phone, nervously biting her lip. 

“Alright, who have you been texting all night?” Christen asked, pulling away from Tobin and wrapping the blanket tighter around her. 

The midfielder turned forward blinked and sat back to look carefully at her girlfriend. “Lindsey,” Tobin said, biting her lip. 

Christen’s eyebrows furrowed. “What’s up with Linds?” 

Tobin sighed. “Y/n went to stay with her until preseason starts. Emily’s there too and she wanted to hang out with her girlfriend,” 

“So what, why has Lindsey been texting you?” Christen asked. She was usually good at following Tobin’s train of thought, but she was lost. 

Tobin sighed again, shaking her head. “Y/n is having a really hard time, and I know you think it’s just some weird kink or something, but little Y/n doesn’t understand what’s happening. She doesn’t know what she did wrong and Lindsey needs some advice on how to handle her,” 

Christen’s back straightened immediately at the mention of your name. She thought she had made her opinion clear. “How can you say that like Y/n is two people. Like she isn’t manipulating you into doing what she wants?” Christen said, throwing her hands up in exasperation. 

Tobin took a deep breath trying to figure out how to explain it. How to make her girlfriend understand that it was so much more than you pretending to be a kid for a little while. “Y/n isn’t two people, and she isn’t manipulating me. That’s evident considering she forbade Lindsey from calling me,” Tobin started calmly, picking at a stray thread on her pants. She opened and closed her mouth several times, trying to find the right words to explain it. “It’s not a sexual thing for her. It’s about trust. When y/n is little she doesn’t have to worry about everyday things, she can trust that I’ll take care of her. That no matter what happens, someone will be there to protect her. That no one will abandon her…” her voice cracked. 

That’s exactly what she had done, isn’t it? Abandoned her best friend?. 

Christen pulled her into a hug, letting her sob into her shoulder. It was hard to see Tobin this upset, even if she didn’t fully understand why. 

“My relationship with her isn’t like the one I have with you. She loves Emily,” The words were muffled by Christen’s shoulder, but the forward heard them loud and clear. 

Her eyebrows furrowed. She had done some research after Tobin had initially told her, but this was turning out to be way more complicated than the online forum suggested. If Emily was involved too, and you were dating her, then why did you need Tobin? 

“Why can’t Emily be her mama?” She asked softly, honestly trying to understand this mess. 

Tobin leaned back, wiping her eyes. 

“Cause Emily’s little too and that would be dangerous. Lindsey takes care of Em like I take care of Y/n,” 

Christen nodded as she took in the information. That made sense. If you couldn’t necessarily control being little, then it was possible you would both slip at the same time (or one could trigger the other). That did seem like a pretty bad idea for a long term solution. 

But if Lindsey was there, then what was the problem? 

“I just don’t understand how I fit into this whole thing,” Christen said after a few minutes, finally looking Tobin in the eyes, searching for the answer. 

“You don’t have to deal with her when she’s little if you don’t want to. I just didn’t want to hide it from you,” Tobin shrugged, running a hand through her hair (the weight on her chest lifting just a bit now that Christen actually seemed to be willing to talk about this). 

“If she’s here, I’m not just going to ignore her,” Christen scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest. Tobin’s lips ticked up just a bit. She wasn’t sure if Christen realized she had basically said you were going to be around, but Tobin was pleased with the new development. Maybe Christen just needed to logic it out a little bit more to become more open to the idea, but she wasn’t going to force her into something she wasn’t comfortable with. 

“It’s still the Y/n you know, just a little bit more carefree. A little more silly and cuddly. You don’t have to be around her, but if you wanted to… she was gonna ask if you wanted to see what being a caretaker with me was like,” She said, leaning in and nudging under Christen’s chin with her nose. 

Christen frowned, pouting a little, the real reason she had been so against the idea initially finally rolling from her lips. “She wasn’t trying to take you away from me-“ 

Tobin was shaking her head before Christen even finished her sentence. “No, she was trying to include you,”

You had been open to the idea of being little around Christen (hesitant, but open especially if it meant including the woman your mama was head over heels for. 

The silence stretched between them for a few long seconds, broken only by Christen’s sigh. 

“I fucked up,” She mumbled, pinching the space between her eyes, completely missing Tobin’s blinding smile. 

“We fucked up, now let’s go fix it,” Tobin said, kissing her girlfriend’s cheeks and standing, extending her hand for the woman to take. They would make this right together. 

*****

Kelley would say that you were tolerating dinner. You were reluctantly opening your mouth for the airplanes of Mac and Cheese she was sending your way, glancing longingly at Roary (who was eating his carrots in his very own seat across from you). 

Lindsey had gotten up a few minutes ago to answer the door but had yet to return. That was why you were taking turns having Kelley feed you bites of dinner with Emmy. 

Kelley lifted the next bite up to your lips, but you pulled your head away. “No tank you,” 

Kelley sighed, leaning forward to make eye contact with you. “Baby, you’ve only had two bites. You need to eat a little more for me please,” 

You rapidly shook your head, tears welling up in your eyes. You didn’t want to eat the stupid Mac and cheese. You wanted your mama to love you again, but she was off loving Christen. 

“It otay, I eat Mac for you,” Emily said, patting your arm and placing a very sloppy kiss on your cheek. She didn’t like it when you were upset, and if she got more Mac and cheese out of it, then that was fine with her too. 

Kelley glared at the younger defender. You didn’t need any more encouragement to not eat, especially when you were this fussy. “I don’t think it works like that Em”

She looked back into your direction(ignoring your girlfriend’s pout), making her voice soft and sympathetic “Come on Y/n, 5 more bites please,” 

You whined loudly, shaking your head rapidly and kicking your feet a little in displeasure. The tears were now falling heavily down your very red face. “No want it!!”

“Alright bug,” Kelley murmured, pulling you into her lap, and letting you cry it out. You buried your face in her shoulder, heartbreaking sobs wracking through you. Kelley rubbed circles into your back, and carded her fingers through your hair, trying to soothe you. When that didn’t work, she carefully transferred you into a very familiar lap.

*****

You clung to Tobin as though your life depended on it, fisting her sweatshirt like you thought she would disappear at any second. You probably thought she would, Christen noted. 

It was truly a pitiful sight so see, and each little sob from your lips was like a knife in Christen’s chest. She hadn’t known what to expect when Lindsey said you were taking it hard, but it most certainly wasn’t this. It made her apology gift seem incredibly inadequate. 

“No babydoll, I’m never leaving you again. I promise,” Tobin said into your hair, rocking you to try and ease the wave of tears streaming down your cheeks. 

“But you wove Christen,” You said, though your voice was muffled by Tobin’s shoulder and your tears, Christen heard the words loud and clear. She shared a look with Tobin over your head, and she knew that she was the only one who could fix this mess. 

She knelt down next to you, carefully rubbing your back, encouraging you to look at her. You obliged, rubbing your bloodshot eyes as you pulled away from Tobin. 

“Tobin can love both of us darling, and I see that now. I’m sorry that I couldn’t see that before, but if you’re willing, I’d like to try helping your mama take care of you when you’re little,” She said softly. 

“No make me go bye bye?” You asked, sniffling. 

“No little one,” Christen reassured, bringing her thumb up to while away a stray tear. “No I brought a friend, but they don’t have a name yet. Do you think you can help me out?” She said, holding up the stuffed dragon they had picked up for you as an apology. 

You gently grabbed the purple stuffie, holding him very close to your nose, and examining him carefully. “Spike wants ta know if we go home?” You said after a few seconds, poking your tongue out the side of your mouth. Christen and Tobin laughed lightly at your expression. 

“Yeah, let’s go home,” 

#uswnt imagine #uswnt imagines #uswnt x reader #preath x reader #preath imagine

[classic80sand90smovieloves2]

Meeting and Dating Anton Tobias

(Not my gif)(Requested by anonymous)

(Seth Green in this movie? A+)

- First things first: Anton’s had a crush on you since the first grade, which is also where the two of you technically met for the first time.

- You being placed in the same class would become a frequent, on and off again thing in both your lives. Every year or so, you’d end up having a class with Anton Tobias and every year, he’d fall for you harder and harder.

- Regardless of how long you’ve been aware of each other’s existence, Anton is still completely incapable of actually speaking to you. There’s been a few instances of him; accidentally or purposefully, coming into contact with you and just widening his eyes, doing a 180 and booking it away from you after you say hello.

- So yeah, for a while, he’s just adorably obsessed with you in a way that only a boy in love can be.

- There was definitely a period in your life where you considered trying to talk to him yourself, wondering if you could ease his nerves a little and show him that he could actually interact with you.

- But then he got really into the whole stoner thing and you found yourself a bit too intimidated to approach him. Plus, he was never at school anymore for you to talk to him anyways.

- It’s only when the two of you reach your junior year of highschool that anything of actual value happens between you.

- It was during one of the days that Anton actually showed up to school. You’d gotten home from school when you went to pull your things out of your schoolbag. It was then that you finally noticed that you had two copies of your English classes book.

- You vaguely remembered assuming you’d dropped yours when you saw a copy near your bag on the floor, a copy you’d quickly stuffed into your bag “again” before rushing to your next class. You cracked open the covers of both and found that one read ‘Anton Tobias’ in a messy scrawl.

- Considering the fact that you didn’t know where Anton lived; or had even ever spoken to him, you couldn’t exactly return the book right away, so, you were forced to wait until school the next day and hope that he showed up.

- The next day, you spotted him in front of the school and quickly made your way over. He looked at you like a deer in headlights as you explained the situation, not saying anything but taking the book from your hands as his friends watched in secondhand embarrassment and amusement.

- Pnub kicked him in the shin and he finally spoke, assuring you that it was alright and forcing a smile onto his face. You offered to let him copy your homework since you borderline stole his book and he asked if you were sure before thanking you as you handed it to him.

- You said goodbye and walked off as as he stared at you in awe. He handled that paper like a museum artifact the entire day.

- You were already seated in your chair when he walked in and surprised you by sitting right next to you. He handed your paper over and thanked you again as you gave him a smile.

- When class is finally over, he stays behind and gathers up the courage to actually talk to you, complimenting your homework before the conversation shifts into more interesting territory. His boys are very proud to see him walking out of the school with you instead of being a puss.

- The two of you made it to the bus area before you were forced to say goodbye, which you did so begrudgingly before you got on. He couldn’t complain though, he’d finally talked to the girl of his dreams and he was floating on cloud nine.

- The two of you start talking to each other everyday and he couldn’t be happier, he feels stupid for being so afraid to start a conversation with you. It takes about a month of short conversations for him to actually invite you to hang out. 

- You’re once again walking out of school with him and you’re just finishing up saying goodbye when he turns back around and asks if you want to come over to his place, which you obviously agree to. 

- So technically, your first date consists of you going over to his house and pretty much just hanging out and enjoying each others company. You watch television, talk some more, eat some food, go for a walks, things like that. 

- It’s after a few months of the two of you hanging out that you have your first kiss. You were a bit bored and flopped on his bed as he fiddled with something, asking if he actually wanted to do something. 

- He asked what you wanted to do as you hovered above him and you watched as his gaze kept drifting down to your lips. You’d suspected before that Anton had a crush on you; primarily because Pnub and Mickey had outright told you he did, but it was only now that you saw he truth in their words. 

- Before you lost your nerve, you leaned down and pressed your lips to his. He froze for a minute as you pulled away, looking at you in surprise as a million thoughts raced through your mind; thoughts that were banished as he lurched up and kissed you again. 

- Rest assured, that kiss sealed your fate. You’re never getting rid of him after that. 

- Lots of Pda. Anton really doesn’t care about what anybody thinks so if he wants to touch or kiss you; which believe me he does, he’ll just do it without thinking.

- His arm around your shoulders, or draped around the couch behind you.

- Drowsy hugs from behind. He’s usually half asleep when he does this and will usually take in a deep, tired breath and sleepily tell you you smell good.

- He presses kisses all over your face whenever he can; particularly when he’s board. He’ll give you one on your temple, then one on your cheekbone, under your cheekbone, the apple of your cheek, your jaw, the corner of your mouth-

- Soft, sometimes slow kisses.

- Makeout sessions. What’s better than laying in his bed and kissing you? To him? Pretty much nothing.

- The two of you cuddle wherever you fall. Sometimes you’re on top of him, other times he’s spooning you with his leg thrown over your body; just all types of cuddling.

- He tends to just call you by your given name but if he feels the need, he’ll call you babe or honey as well.

- He thinks everything you do is so fucking cool. He’s constantly amazed by and complimenting you.

- He’s almost embarrassingly fond of and proud of you. He brags about you to people all the time; it’s really quite adorable.

- He can’t remember basic math 90% of the time but you bet you’re ass he remembers the outfit you wore when you first talked to him or everything about that necklace you always wear or the book you always carry around. He’s well versed in the subject of y/n.

- Fast food dates.

- Watching television together.

- Chilling up in his room.

- Listening to music together. Sometimes you just lay on his bed with your heads connected and your hands intertwined and vibe.

- Walking his dog with him. You know ...Anton really isn’t fond of the way Randy looks at you as you’re walking by.

- Going to the skatepark with him and his friends.

- He’s always phoning you and asking you to come over because he wants to see you; usually groaning when you’re busy or trying to convince you to ditch what you’re doing.

- If you’re into weed then expect to be doing a lot of smoking with him.

- Trying to get him to be a little more ambitious. You’re one of the only things that get him out of bed and out into the world.

- Informing him on the latest happenings because god knows he isnt paying attention to any of whats going on around him.

- Subtle butt touches.

- Wearing his pants because he sure as shit doesn’t. If he’s rocking his boxers, you’re rocking the sweats he’s neglected.

- Occasionally cutting class or skipping school with him. You do want to graduate high school so you don’t do it all the time like he does:

- Doing him a few favors; or more so his mother. Picking up milk on your way over after school, bringing some food, returning movie rentals. Things that take like a five minutes if you’re already gonna be passing said places.

- Waking him up in the morning, or more accurately: the afternoon.

- He loves when you fuss over him. Honestly, the more motherly and “traditional” you act with him the better. Get out all those urges. He’ll never mind.

- Your laugh? Music to his ears. His humor is his main appeal; besides the fact that he’s nearly six foot and pretty attractive.

- Talking all serious about stupid shit until you both breakout into laughter.

- Wondering why he’s suddenly acting so strange....

- Going through the whole idle hand ordeal and stopping him by being crushed by a whole ass car.

- Visiting him in the hospital.

- Helping him after he loses his hand.

- You are his last brain cell. You’re like the main reason this boy is still alive.

- Occasionally shutting him up since he doesnt think before he speaks like 90% of the time. Anton ...maybe don’t make fun of police officers ...to their face ...when they already don’t like you.

- Your parents probably don’t like him ...for obvious reasons, so you’ll most likely have to sneak out or lie to them so that you can see him.

- Helping to keep him calm in stressful situations.

- He thinks he’s really bad at comforting you but he’s actually like accidentally really good at it. He has no idea what he’s doing but it’s working!

- Antons pretty oblivious most of the time so he doesn’t tend to get jealous very often. That being said, since he’s been in love with you for so long, he isn’t too keen on losing you so whenever he senses a serious threat to your relationship, he’ll do whatever he can to stop it.

- He’s sort of a coward so he really isn’t going to be the one you can count on when you’re scared. He’ll probably talk up a big game but the minute a tree limb snaps beneath someone’s foot, he’s clinging to you like a child.

- The two of you don’t fight extremely often; you sort of just know how he is so you’re unfazed by most of what he does. But when you do fight, he has trouble staying calm and saying the right thing. He’ll probably call you a bitch without thinking and you’ll have to stop yourself from strangling him.

- Whenever you’re mad at him, he’ll keep periodically calling you to try and get you to talk to him. He never waits long after you leave either; usually it’s at most an hour before he’s ringing your line. He can always seem to wiggle his way back into your good graces no matter what he does and it’s infuriating.

- He tells you he loves you quite a bit. He’s had a while to come to terms with his feelings so he isn’t afraid to tell you the truth.

- He’s not a fan of talking about the future but let’s just say that you’ll probably be the more established and accomplished person in your relationship.

#90s movie imagine #90s movie imagines #90s movie headcanons #90s movie headcanon #idle hands imagine #idle hands imagines #idle hands headcanons #idle hands headcanon #Anton Tobias imagine #anton Tobias imagines #Anton Tobias headcanons #Anton Tobias headcanon

[rasairui]

wanted to send this, but didnt as i wasnt sure on if itd be okay, but from your reaction to the last anon seems like its okay

if im correct in assuming your obaachan is of the first generation of your family to live in the states... you are a third generation immigrant. in what world is a third generation imigrant not able to claim their culture/heritage? the fuck? sorry you had to deal with a guy pestering you about your race and trying to claim your too white to be affected by asian issues.

theres more id say (like how someone's ability to talk about issues isnt dependant on how much of something they are, but instead, how openly discussed it is in their family/community, which further shows how stupid it is to expect someone to put how much of a certain race they are in their posts) but i dont really wanna cause any stress to you

No it's okay, thank you. And you're close, I'm 4th generation. Bachan is 2nd generation, her father was first. I think the confusion comes from the fact that the Ojiichan I've been referring to is her father. The word I grew up calling him is something I've only actually seen once when I've looked up what someone's great-grandfather is called in Japanese(I looked up all the familial terms in english so I'd know how to spell them. Turns out there's a bunch of ways for most of them). Bc of this I usually just refer to him as Ojiichan when writing bc I'm mostly familiar with the word verbally, but I think it's spelled "Hijichan" in english. Looking it up usually just corrects to hojicha tea though. But yeah Bachan is 2nd generation. I was born on accident to very young parents and she did a lot to help raise me, especially once my mom was out of the picture. She was always very vocal about our race and heritage, more than my dad was even. And yeah my family is pretty open with it. We don't talk about some of it super often because it's painful, but y'know, they told me everything they could once I was old enough to understand. I learned about post-ww2 racism from people who were there. I've learned about the propaganda and the caricatures and the violence from people who were there. I learned about the camps directly from a man who was there. And I grew up hearing personal stories from my family about people who survived a fucking nuke and about people who did not. I'm a 4th generation immigrant and I'm mostly white but I think I've earned the ability to say that yellowface is bad without putting up a disclaimer. I don't know where the fuck that anon gets off.

#this is rambly again but yeah. yeah #thank you #long post #also if it's worth anything I've BEEN to Hiroshima