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theacewithoutgrace · 2 years

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Hey so uh I had a nightmare whoops if you wanna read it go ahead ig

tl;dr — lucid dreams are fucking horrifying if you aren't careful (semi exaggerating but you'll see my point)

also tw for a bunch of stuff considering its a nightmare i dont exactly know all the stufff to tag rn but there'll be a warning when it starts getting bad

if you'd like me to tag everything tho just say please i dont wanna offend or scar anybody sniff

it started off with me in class, except the class was the room of a computer science tuition i went to for only a month in 2020. i had this fur coat too and either my art or english teacher was presenting something, i dont know

then my eyelids started getting heavy, so i put my head on the desk and fell asleep for a bit. literally just by this fact alone i think i already knew it was somewhat of a lucid dream, but my dreamself didnt mention it in the plot. i did wake up once here and then go back to sleep while like leaning on my friend sitting next to me, who just let me sleep cause she's irl famous for always sleeping in class

she woke me up when it was over and we had to switch classes, i dont remember the conversation but i talked to the girls near me in line while going downstairs. its what id usually do normally too, nothing seemed out of the place. it was all really natural in the moment at least, now its all just eerie since im lowkey traumatized by everything coming up holy shit

i immediately fell asleep in the new class too once i got there. also i only notice this later on, but the whole room was so strange. there were a lot lot of broken light fixtures on the ceiling leaking water, and the floor was constantly wet and had these really ugly ass dirt looking black and white marble tiles. try imagining that classroom from the one fight scene in mob psycho 100 where the school just evaporates. i think it was on the 2nd floor

the leading teacher woke me up and told me to go outside for a ceremony because i apparently got selected as one of the candidates for this competition (which i actually gave a submission for just yesterday) i didnt take it seriously, and was still tired, so i went back to sleep. when i awoke, everybody had left- it was just be by my lonesome. i looked outside and the ceremony just then ended too. still not registering that it wasnt real, i ran outside upon spotting my mother in the crowd

when i reached the end of the stairs, i was inside this pub bar thing with all of the other candidates and their parents. apparently my parents just took the uh, 'certificates' they gave. it was like, flowers in vases? i got 3? im not sure what this means, i dont remember the type of flowers. i got mostly red ones, other kids had other types too, it has literally nothing to do eith the actual event i submitted for tho

between the class and the pub scene was when things started getting eerie for me, its when i noticed all of the off broken things in the classroom. i cant fully explain it, but it all started feeling just noticeably slightly off,,,,,,,

there was a great time skip, and i was in my own room, wearing the clothes i am in right now. it was 1am, and it felt like it was ramadan?? i dont know how to explain how it 'felt' like a literal religious month but ok. i think it has to do with everyone still being awake and the cleaning. oh yea, so, when i went to my parents room, some of my classmates were there cleaning and repairing stuff. my parents said they asked them to help when they were at school while i was asleep

everyone in the house was awake doing stuff, all the lights were on and it was noisy, but i clearly knew it was 1am. i think i mightve seen a clock but im not sure if im just remembering seeing the actual clock at 1am before i went to sleep irl. so after my classmates left, i sat next to the door along with two girls from the grade above me. i dont even know who they are, but i just knew somehow i guess

i was talking to them about calculators, specifically about how some older models sometimes give wrong answers and how i liked that my one worked perfectly without me having to switch into degree mode or something. i kept getting interrupted, and actually couldnt finish explaining it to them, cause my social studies teacher was also there? and needed to leave through the door i was in front of? ok then

it time skipped just a little bit more again, and i was upstairs in the 5th floor (im on the 3rd). well, i say 5th floor, but this place doesnt look like the actual 5th floor, its entirely different. ive been to this place in my dream a few times already now, so it kinda felt normal. the 'living room' was really small, the only way i know how to describe it is like its half of a resort hotel's bathroom. the fancy-yet-outdated-design counters and beige yellow cream brown and maroon colour palettes and all. although i dont see it in this dream, the bedrooms look like the old and new house of one of my mom's friends

my aunt offered me some chocolate banana bread, and i ate it while seating in this weird place, i could barely even put the plate on the table cause it was shaped weirdly. this aunt of mine always offers me food when i go to her room, so ive had dreams before where i eat food in this weird dream room. but this time, my grandma and other aunt were there? and they were gossiping about something having to do with me? they first mentioned the weird table counter but then they went onto something else. dream me didnt hear anything - or i just dont remember, but, at then it almost felt like they knew what was going to happen next. like they were talking about how im a poor little meow meow and will have to go through all the upcoming shit

i was above average uncomfortable and left, and then arrived back on the 3rd floor. ok now look i swear it feels like a alot of shit happened here somewhere in this dream but i dont exactly remember. we're getting close to the end of this now.

i was in my parents' room, everything looked normal. it was around 6 - 7pm? again, not sure how i knew, just felt it. it was really windy and the windows kept shaking, so i tried to hold it down for funsies. thats when i noticed,, these pipes? In my eyes they just suddenly appeared out of nowhere, but after seeing them it felt like they were there the whole time, without me noticing. the steampunk-esque pipes were like all across the room btw. I actually even saw them in the part where my classmates appeared, but i didnt enter the room at that time

I first saw the pipes when looking at the top of my window, it was dented somehow without the glass being broken, and the pipe went through it and outside. i started semi panicking, while my eyes traced the pipes back into my room, and saw them everywhere. i looked back outside the window after opening it, it was somehow morning again. as soon as i looked, there was a small explosion. a huge smoke cloud blew into my face, there were people outside my house, screaming

this scene particularly made me start actually panicking, because there was a fire near my house around a month ago maybe? and at the time, it was really scary - as everyone in my house thought our house was the one on fire, due to the way the smoke came. my aunt and i were the first ones to see it, and it looked exactly like the way i saw in my dream. i really didnt wanna live through that moment again

ok so uhm tw it gets really gorey here? mentions of death, blood, violence, such and such

i closed my window, and laid down in my bed halfway sitting, trying to comprehend everything. it was back to the 6 - 7pm again, but this time it was heavy raining. i really didn't want to, but my dream self opened up the window again, and,,,, there was this woman, being stabbed by some guy. there was screaming, and people running around everywhere. the people on the street heard it, there were running, they saw it, they know it, but no one came to help her. i was horrified, but no matter how hard i tried to peel away from the window, close my eyes, and block it all out,, i couldnt stop staring. i couldnt control anything anymore, yet i was practically already completely awake at this point. i wanted to wake up.

i was trying super hard to blink, just merely shut my eyes, practically begging my dream self to do so. it worked for a little bit but it wasnt enough. i finally stopped when i heard my mother's voice in the living room. i finally closed my eyes, the screaming and sounds of heavy storms stopped. i waited for a few seconds to calm myself down before going back to the goal of waking up in real life

except, i couldnt open my eyes anymore. i felt myself blinking intensely, desperately trying to see the room i was sleeping in irl, but it was all black and reddish. i was on the verge of tears pls - and when i finally managed to open my eyes, it was only halfway. i kept blinking over and over, saying repeatedly that i wanted to wake up

and then, i did. i saw the room, the room in real life. i was actually awake for a few seconds. but, i couldnt move. i still wasnt fully awake, every part of me was tired. i wanted to get up and run away so badly, and yet, when i blinked again, i was back to the dream world. however, i was able to get up

i ran to the living room, all of my family was there. i asked them, if it was finally all over, if i was awake for real now. they sat silent, all just staring at me. I knew it, I'm still in the dream, aren't I? I wanted to scream, and cry so badly. I tried too, but it was no use. I couldnt go any louder than this specific limit. If I tried, it sounded like i was aggressively whispering while losing my voice. the screams of the woman in my front yard were so vivid, yet i couldnt. yknow that fun fact about how your thinking voice while reading also cant be louder than how it usually is? i think it has to do with that actually. so yea, not-so-fun fact

i looked at my parents, trying to find an answer, a way to get out of this mess. I wished they could help me, they could tell me, and they could hold me in their arms and tell me everything's alright, that it's over now. But they too, were silent. I ran back to my parents' room, and they were there, on the bed, smoking cigarettes? my mom doesnt even smoke, but my dad does smoke everything in existence other than weed so eh. they were also the younger versions of themselves? Just above 18 i would say? I kept pleading for the way out, but they kinda just continued smoking, slightly grinning. kinda making fun of me i guess?

in the end i just dropped to the floor, knees all wobbly, crying - well, crying but, no tears were flowing, and i couldnt make a sound. i think i eventually passed out in the dream from being overwhelmed, and once again, i woke up in the real world. I could move, I shouldn't moved, I should've stood up and walked away from the bed. but y'see, I already was sleep deprived, and had less than an hour of horrible sleep - I was tired ok. I ended up just staring at the ceiling trying to calm my breathing for a few minutes, before accidentally falling asleep again. I actually did consider leaving the room at that time, but uh, I was afraid that seeing the uhm, not safe things in the kitchen while in a mental state like that would give me thought i really did not need

i was back in the living room of that dream world. at this point, i kinda accepted that id be stuck there for a while. i'll just wake up to my alarm to go to school, yea? its going to be ok - everything would be fine, as long as i just did nothing. it will only feel like a few minutes right? it'll be morning any time now. i hoped. anyway, my aunt said something to me before going to her room to sleep. i knew that there was nobody else in the house somehow too. things were pretty quiet for a few minutes. i just kinda looked around, trying to comprehend everything

then suddenly, miku (the vocaloid in case you didnt know ndjhjsjd) showed up? not her usual clothes, but like casual summer short sleeve white crop top with shorts look with her hair down. the plot went down like it was dating sim now?? i mean, there was still no 'plot' but yk what i mean shh. it kinda went like, those my talking tom games? or the ddlc talking to monika thing? it was just miku talking to me, though i dont remember anything that was said. okok but then, i somehow triggered a cutscene? which looked like those 'emotional montages' of lovers having a reunion at the beach during sunset or something, but it was just in my living room.

the important part is how it ended tho. i twirled miku around a few times holding her hands, grabbed her by the waist, then threw her up. she started floating, like it a slowmotion scene, but she ultimately came back down when i grabbed her again. it happened directly below where the ceiling fan was. when it ended, i was thinking - wow, it actually isnt that bad this time. maybe i wont be traumatized further, bleh. for some reason, the cutscene repeated, and,, i really shouldn't have done it, i don't know why i didn't do it willingly by myself, but, my sanity was probably slipping away. when miku started floating,,, i was curious, what would happen if i just, purposely not pull her down,? would my brain allow it to happen? would it really make me see,,,?

when miku floated up, i wanted to see how my brain would even create the image for me, of miku, being chopped up by the ceiling fan. i can somehow still remember, the way she grabbed arm, telling me to stop, telling me to please not let go - and I, forcefully shoved her away? And in the end, I didn't see it happen, but I heard her screams. and saw her laying on the sofa, bleeding out with her head half open- and she started like, having a breakdown, like she suddenly understood that she isn't real and that the dating sim esque thing was fake, that it wasn't all cupcakes and rainbows?

the were bloodstains everywhere, on the ceiling, walls, floors, on myself - my vision had a red tint too, and the room was shaky like an acid trip or something. this weirdass deformed baby thing appeared too?? think of like, the regular show artstyle, but semi 3D. everything was loud. miku crying, her echoes wailing, the baby thing pointing and laughing at me, insulting and shaming me- apparently i just- couldnt take it anymore- its literally all in my head, so its not like its illegal, but its still a horrible thing to do i guess. i just began kicking the cursed baby thing. it wasnt human afterall. everytime it passed out, it became a more deformed version. it eventually turned into this weird green thing that looked like slime in a transparent sack. imagine one of those stress toy type stuff but gooey.

the dream finally, actually ended, when i gave up kicking the thing, and threw the leftovers in the trash. up until the final moment, everything was still loud and ringing in my head. the laughing and screaming. when i woke up, i still couldnt really believe it. but i felt the coldness of the air conditioner and heard the super loud sound of the fan next to me, so it had to be real. i checked the time on my phone, and relied washed over me (i only got an hour of sleep apparenly) but, that relied didn't last for long since i started crying nfjndjhd. ive had sadder, more worse dreams, where my parents die or something. but somehow, this dream really affected me alot- ive never had a dream quite thing gorey i know at least

ive been kinda purposefully staying up for a few days now, only sleeping after really really exhausting myself so my brain wont have the time or energy to put me back there again. also because im afraid but ok- also, the reason i googled hatsune miku horror games was because i swear ive seen games where it was creepy and almost just like this. where everything was fine until you do something wrong. but, i think i mightve been thinking of a mix of ddlc and this game called 'can your pet'. which, i watched back in 2017 or something?? also, i mightve thought of miku in a horror game because of the vocaloid song 'bacterial infection'

uhm anyways, if you read this, i apologize, sorry, you probably shouldve stopped huh- this is probably trauma dumping or something i dont even know im sorry s o b

#tw gore #long post

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jelibaen · 1 year

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We're on the way to the airport now. I'll be home in just over 12 hours and I have to say... I'm both super excited to be back with my pets, but also extremely sad. I dont want to leave. I've said it probably a dozen times in the last two weeks - if I could find a way to get my animals here, I would move back to Newfoundland in a heartbeat. But moving seven snakes, twenty ducks, two geese, two cats and two dogs across the country is a task of its own. I dont even want to think about the conversation I would have to have with my friends. But I miss it.

I may delete this later on. I just need to get the words out.

My heart lives on this island, and yet I've never lived in Newfoundland for longer than a month or two at a time. I was born in Grand Falls. My mum went to Newfoundland to have me, and we went back to Alberta when I was 5 weeks old. And then we would go back and forth every summer, go back for Christmas, pretty consistently until I started school.

My entire family is from Newfoundland. I'm related to literally half of Twillingate. But they don't all live there. When my parents moved to Alberta, a bunch of their friends and cousins came with them and shared a house for a while. I was raised in a very Newfoundland household, even if we were as landlocked as we could get. When I started school, my grandparents would come up for the summer or for Christmas instead of us going there. I was raised with the music, with mummering, with Jiggs dinner, with an aching desire to be near water that somehow has to be genetic.

Then I started school. And I had to push all that down. I had to force myself to change my voice so that my classmates could understand me, or at least stop bullying me about the way I spoke or my accent. Didnt help much, they just found other things. Like how all the music is weird and annoying, how mummering is creepy, how I should stop pretending to be smart because I'm just a stupid Newfie. I stopped telling people I was from Newfoundland because I got tired of people asking me to try and pronounce 'about' and other shit for the next five minutes of the conversation.

That's how Alberta was. You cant talk to anyone because they'll think you're weird. Everything has to be locked up or in your hands, because if you even forget it for a second, someone will take it. People will break locks and cut fences just to get something they want. Guard what you have because someone will try to steal it. Dont walk anywhere after dark because someone will hurt you. Dont walk anywhere alone at any time because someone will hurt you. Dont try to be different. Dont even paint your door a different color because people will think you're weird. Dont trust anyone. That's what Alberta was and still is.

Now Alberta has a very high population of Newfoundlanders. Fort McMurray might as well be called Nfld soil for how many people are here from home. But you still only meet them out and about every once in a while. And when you do, its a totally different experience than meeting a stranger.

As soon as you meet someone from Nfld and they realize you're from there too? Instantly like old friends. There's no awkward introduction. You just start talking like you've known each other all your life, and you'll have to double back at the end of the conversation to ask what their name was because you can be talking for 15 minutes and not even bother introducing yourselves.

Its not rude. Its just the way we are. The default is that everyone is a friend. Alberta is so different. The culture there, especially nowadays, is so cold and caustic. I don't want to go back to clients yelling at me, to snappy people on the street, to the city that has gotten the highest crime rate in Canada five times. I want to be here. I want to be in the place where not a single door is locked, not a car, not a house, because everyone trusts each other. I want to be where I can walk anywhere and know I am loved. I want to be here, where I could go up to any door, even if they had no idea who I was, and be welcomed. I could knock on any stranger's door and ask for a cup of sugar, and end up staying for supper.

I want to be home.

When I flew down two weeks ago, the flights were silent. No chatter. Nobody talking. Until I got on the plane to St. John's from Halifax. It buzzed. People talked the entire flight to complete and total strangers, without hesitation. You walk into a store down here and you can talk to anyone. I was at Walmart the other day looking for rug binding, and I wasn't sure what I needed, but I just stood there looking a bit lost and trying to muster up the courage to ask a staff worker. The next thing I know, this grandmother comes down the aisle with 4 rolls of yarn and new knitting needles, takes one look at me, and asks me what I needed. And then we spent 25 minutes talking about various crafts, what rug binding I would need for what craft, what she'd been working on, what I was working on, and I left that aisle with 3 rolls of the tape I needed and a wonderful feeling of comfort. I didnt even ask her name. She didn't ask mine.

That's the culture in Newfoundland. Everyone is a friend. And by God does my heart ache for it. Not to mention the ocean, the rocks, the sounds of the sea and the wind.

Newfoundland is a struggling little island. Its one of the poorest parts of Canada. The unemployment rate is sky high. The weather is terrible. Everything costs an arm and a leg. But the default here is just... kindness. Everyone is in the same boat, everyone is going through the same struggle, so if you can make the struggle a bit easier, you might as well try.

One day I will be back. One day I will come back, and I will stay. And I will be home.

#newfoundland #homesick #nfld #long post #delete later

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starfleetakaashi · 4 years

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r u still taking requests😳 if u are how about som karasuno manager reader and kuroo hcs 🙈🙈🙈mhmm yes yes🤝😌 idk man i just love that concept hehe 😗

yesss anon im taking requests!! sorry if this is late i was procrastinating on doing them 🙈 hope u like this!!!💞💞 also i didnt know what u meant by kuroo hcs since its rlly vague so i just combined them but this mostly focuses on karasuno so if u want some kuroo boyfie hcs just request :3

being karasuno’s manager & kuroo’s s/o:

listen. karasuno already got two beautiful ass peoppe as their manager and now they have YOU??? sheesh everyone is sooo jealous

you joined them a few weeks before yachi did

you’re friends with her and was with her when kiyoko approached her abt it and u were curious so u asked if u could join as well and kiyoko was like YES.

obv yachi hesitated and u didnt so u joined immediately

so now karasuno has a manager of each year. yachi being first, you being second, and kiyoko being third!

at first u wanted to join partly because it would give u a chance to see ur long distance boyfriend, kuroo, a lil more since he lived all the way in tokyo

but nowww after a few weeks of being manager you’re glad u joined bc u love these boys with ur whole heart

u got tanaka and noya BLUSHING bc first of all have u seen urself and second of all ur a second year so its a win win for them

then u have a second mom and dad, daichi and suga. u may think they dont scold u that often but since ur classmates with the crackheads noya and tanaka, their energy was passed on to u so now u also get in trouble bc u involve urself with the dumb shit they do :P

u talk MAD shit too 😀 but only if someone is insulting the heck out of karasuno!! u will NOT tolerate ur babies being insulted right in front of u

which is why u, tanaka, and tsukki gang up to insult whoever insulted u guys and 99.9% of the time yall win and end up making the person cry

which leads u three in trouble with an infuriated daichi

moving on,,,,,, kags and hinata are ur babies

u love bullying them but also just being their mom UGH SO FUCJING CUTE

HINATA LITERALLY CALLED U MOM BEFORE AND UR JUST LIKE “yeah😀”

u and kiyoko are besties and if u werent straight and was dating a clown like kuroo u wouldve gone for her tbh :/

speaking of kuroo u havent told karasuno abt him yet, only bc ur waiting till the summer training camp

which is actually tmr and now ur packing and facetiming kuroo (who u havent told abt u being the karasuno manager yet either hehe)

since u didnt tell him hes kinda confused about why ur packing

“sooo where are u going again?”

“ugh kuroo just be quiet im trying to finish packing i have to leave early”

“awww come on babe pls tell me🥺”

“SHUT UP COCKADOODLEDO.”

u havent even told kenma yet either bc kuroo is really fucking sneaky so u dont trust it despite knowing that kenma will try his hardest to hide it from him

“why cant u come to tokyo instead??”

“why should i??”

“babe :(((( COME TO TOKYO.”

“I DONT WANT TO.”

and then yall argue LMAOOOOO

anywaysss its finally morning of the trip and ur mad af bc u had to wake up so early but its worth it bc u get to see ur babies all cute and cuddly first thing in the morning

u hugged hinata for thirty min straight bc he was so warm UGH no one tell kuroo

u sat next to yachi who sat in the row across from hinata and kags

noya and tanaka were in the row behind u and they just kept bothering u omfg u almost murdered on that bus

but for some reason u survived through it

BUT UR FINALLY IN TOKYOOOOOO

u werent with hinata when he got lost and u almost died of a heart attack along with suga LIKE WHERE IS THAT BOY

but u found him after but it was long after kenma left so u both had no idea

anyways when ur finally at nekoma ur giggling and shit bc u just cannot wait for ur rooster head boyfie and his cat bestie to see u AHHH

nekoma vbc knows u so when they see u theyre like OH MY GOD SOMEONE GET KUROO and everyone is all freaking out to go get kuroo and ur just like :3 heyo

when they do get kuroo after ten min of just freaking out kuroo is like OH U SNEAKY LIL THING THIS IS WHAT U WERE PACKING FOR HUH

he hugs u so tight in front of karasuno and theyre like 👁👄👁 WHAT DA HELL

and then u let go of kuroo and turn to them with a smile on ur face talking about like “this is my boyfriend hehe”

tanaka and noya are sad as fuck but its ok

kenma sees u and hugs u and ur like GHDJSJDKWKSKAKSS KENMA BABY!!!!!!

and kuroo is like wtf u literally made a disgusted face when u saw me why does my bestfriend get a reaction like tha

and ur just like bc its kenma :P

ANYWAYSSS the whole training camp just passes by like a breeze and u made a few friends like akaashi and bokuto bc u were with ur boyfriend in gym 3 and they were there sooo ayyeee gym 3 squad!!!

AND THEEENNN the barbecue came and it was so fun u hung out with the girls for the first ten min but then they kinda bore u out so u stuck with yachi and shooed the guys that were being nice and helping her knowing that yachi was scared

“GET AWAY FROM HER GRRRRRR”😡😡😡

“[name] pls ur scaring me more”

u and kuroo gang up on kenma to make him EAT and kenma is like ugh this is why i hate them whenever theyre around each other

anywayz it was a rlly fun experience!! ur glad u got to see ur boyfriend even if it was a limited time and ur glad that karasuno was there bc they make everything so fun

u love them :(

you’d do anything for them :(

#haikyuu x reader #kuroo headcanons #kuroo x reader #karasuno x reader #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu scenarios #karasuno headcanons #haikyuu #haikyuu!!#requested

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thatforgottenbasilisk · 3 years

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what i know about mha

from only looking at fanon content

this is thru the USJ incident bc im tired and i’ll make another post

okay so basic summary of the main plot:

midoriya is a quirkless boi until Sludge Villain blah blah blah 10-month-long-training for One for All which breaks his b o n e s

i did see that episode and only that episode

so first day of school it opens on baku-hoe with his feet up and iida being like ‘hows about stop the FUCKING D I S R E S P E C T’

and iida thinks midoriya knew about the rescue points, which he didnt but whatever

bakugo cursing a lot is probably not actually canon??? probably????

that said he probably does give ridiculous nicknames

so Quirk Assessment is a logical ruse by aizawa

love aizawa btw

he says the kid in last place gets expelled but not actually

midoriya breaks his finger to make a point

battle assessment with baku-hoe and midoriya

midoriya has fucking bunny ears on his costume?? bro??

something something the gauntlets go off even tho all-might said n o

day ends blah blah blah

midoriya gets elected class prebident

he’s like ‘no??? dont do that???’

then reporters get in but it’s Actually a cover for the LoV to get in and steal the schedules for an attack on the USJ but shhhhh

iida is calm and directs classmates to safety and midoriya’s like ‘now That’s What I Call a Class Prebident’

so iida is class prebident and yaomomo (i cant spell her name i tried and now im sob) is vice presidente

then USJ which is the t h i r d d a y o f s c h o o l ?

b r o ?

our plot is moving h e l l a f a s t

so all-might was supposed to be there and he wasnt because he ran out of time

also midoriya has a crisis on the bus because he has friends???

so it’s just aizawa and thirteen

who the fuck is thirteen btw like they exist for one (1) event and just

never mentioned again

i think that they might have died in this attack but nobody cared to tell me

like they’re not a homeroom teacher or a first-year teacher of any kind??? whomst????????????

so the LoV warps in and everybody’s separated

our boi midoriya is sent to the Shipwreck zone with tsuyu and mineta

(fuck mineta all my homies hate mineta)

mineta gropes tsuyu like what the fuck

so minor villains r there blah blah blah

something something AIZAWA GETS FUCKING W R E C K E D

LIKE ONSCREEN WHAT THE FUCK

MIDORIYA CANONICALLY S E E S I T WHICH MEANS W E SEE IT

LIKE HE GETS POUNDED INTO THE GROUND BY A FUCKING QUIRK FRANKENSTEIN

dang heart been broke so many times

all-might arrives tho it’s fine it’s fine everything’s f i n e

he turns into small-might after defeating the LoV and the nomu but e v e r y t h i n g i s f i n e

aizawa’s quirk is damaged because HIS SKULL WAS TURNED INTO FUCKING SPATTER JESUS CHRIST

he do be a mummy rn

so that’s all on the main events for this post rn (like i said im tired) but here’s some misc (there might be spoilers?????):

i know that it’s not technically canon but like erasermic’s totally canon right

like not according to “the manga” or “the anime” but it is in my heart

shiggy’s a weirdo who just. has midoriya’s picture and carries it around to show to serial killers like wtf dude

AfO is midoriya hisashi No I Do Not Accept Criticism

todoroki is my conspiracy man like bro you go with your secret lovechild theories

(ngl he’s actually smart like this is the most logical conclusion bc who’s gonna say ‘all-might gave you a legendary quirk passed on through generations and that’s why the quirks are identical and why y’all r so close’ like no you’d think that all-might had a secret kid and that’s why they have a close relationship and have the same quirk)

i also love dabihawks like hell yeah

we have an Actual Canon Trans Character??? Holy Shit??????

do you know how annoying it is to see literally the same fucking name a bunch of times but one (1) letter changes in a handful of them and u gotta be like sherlock fucking holmes like “is this a new character or a typo??? nobody fucking knows!!!”

lookin at you, shota/shoto

and you, hisashi/hizashi

and you, kirishima/kaminari

ok the last one wasnt as bad but i wanted to complain bc i got them mixed up SO MUCH at first like GOD

i only remember kaminari because calamari :(

bakugo and kirishima are like,,, a Thing, right? like canon? canon-ish? canon in our hearts?

they literally have someone named tetsutetsu tetsutetsu like i fucking give up

#mha #bnha #my hero academia #boku no hero #boku no hero academia

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elliethesuperfruitlover · 3 years

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tw/venting

ayo the thought of having to go back to school in a little over a month is fucking wild. like.....i feel like i just got out of school and binge watched invincible for the first time. IT FEELS LIKE YESTERDAY. it’s extremely scary thinking about how fast time is passing by because i keep doing the same thing everyday. there’s barely any change in anything. not allowed outside. my IRL friends arent vaxxed yet, and even if they were, my mom’s suspicious of my intentions when going out. and lets not get into the fact that school doesnt stress me out as much, but i’ll be damned if i dont have awful test anxiety still. i feel like everything is fucking passing me by and that sucks ASS. my classmates are going out to beaches and shit, and posting on insta (good for them, i probably need to touch some grass) but like?? i feel like im just being robbed of my life. and teen years and all that.

i know the pandemic has been hard for LITERALLY everyone. (if you said 2020 was a good year, hush, you’re alone in that regard bestie, dont wanna hear it) but i just......im finally recognizing feelings and all that (shit’s scary man) my thoughts dont match my body whatsoever (not dysphoria, its derealization, or something similar). thats so scary to me. sometimes i catch myself in the mirror and im talking and im like...”thats not me.....oh fuck, it is me.” so i dont look in the mirror and talk aloud, is what im saying. i’ll have a breakdown. but im extremely extroverted. i love people, and seeing people and hugging people. and not feeling like every day that i spend inside of my fucking house is a waste of time because time travel doesnt exist and i cant get any of these days back. at all. it is a never ending cycle. i just want a hug, dude. i’ve never experienced cuddling before either. i would love to platonically cuddle someone. but i got rid of toxic friends (still not over it) and got very radicalized...but for what. my own knowledge and betterment.....but eh. plus i traumadump, nobody wants to hear my sob story, i need to hush. and get in contact with my therapist. and discuss my anxiety issues. and possible depression. and PTSD and so many other things because it’s really not cute. anyways.

also heyy, my body issues are back. like?? hello. not that they ever went away, they just steep for a bit, then start boiling back. and that’s torture for me. having a generally okay body is fine, but then i realize that when i do wear pants, they’re either my overalls (comfort and queerness) or jeans. and yay those are tighter than they were last time. and i know weight fluctuation is a thing that happens, but i really feel like i could do more to not feel as bad. (i mean, sure, i could, but exercising makes me feel horrible mentally so). i see classmates thin and everything (i know thin isnt always healthy, but a part of me wishes that i was bone thin, we wont talk about it) and i know “every body is a bikini body” and i support that initiative 1,000 percent, but A. i have no idea if my parents would even let me get one if i wanted one (i dont) and B. i dont have the confidence to wear something like that. i even hate the fucking swimsuit that i have. i want the fucking full length victorian swimsuits with a shirt and fucking shorts because i cant stand being exposed. my stomach pokes out too much. my arms arent muscly like they were some years back. i just feel....so weird. and the “oh she’s smart, she cant be hot.” one or the other type shit that my brain keeps trying to tell me is real ia NASTY. like heyyy i have a brain, and i use it most days, but my body also shouldnt be fuckshitted like this. this collection of skin and bones keeps me safe (but not from my brain, its on some different shit)

another thing is that i can not wear exposing things. ugh, i would feel so just....out in the open. im literally scared of someone coming behind me and fucking groping me, or slapping my ass. (valid fear) but i literally fucking HATE feeling like that. one, I AM UNDERAGED, and two, ITS NASTY EITHER WAY. and if i went to school, and wore something mildly form fitting, i’d be pushing my body forward to look less noticeable (i dont trust seniors), or pulling my jacket down (i always wear jackets in school) so people arent looking at me. that sucks. and i wish i didnt make my anxiety that bad as to where it just sucks to exist. with a human flesh prison that looks a certain way. i kinda just want to hide my body. permanently. (not dysphoria related, my tits are fine, if they stay, cool, if they don’t, cool) but like...ugh.

and this is where it gets EXTREMELY dark, trigger warning for suicide mention.

yeah last year on the first week of school (virtual) i really wanted to kill myself. which like..isnt okay. i havent really told anyone about that either. because it was an extremely low point for me. i just didn’t think that i could fucking make it through the entire year. all those assignments, and all those days, wasted. im not learning anything valuable (besides maybe science and finance)...i dont know what the fuck i want to do with my life. there’s no such thing as ethical consumption so i’m gonna be contributing to something fucked up, no matter what i do. im weird. and political. and opinionated. and into so many different things. which, y’know, should be cool and fun and fresh. but it terrifies me to know that other people arent like me. that they many never understand my interests. and i feel like this with EVERYONE in EVERY class. unless i see a similar interest. or a tiny flag. but the thought of introducing myself again and again. to more people. who i may never fucking see again. who probably dont care about me. kinda discourages you a bit. so yeah, i really wanted to off myself. it seemed so impossible to get through everything. and then heyyy, near the end of the year, something really shitty happened. was depressed. told my mom i may be autistic... “okay...well....getting diagnoses takes a lot of money. so unless you have 700 bucks laying around....then no.” (who says the person who may ALSO be autistic along with me) few weeks back, talking about my therapist who wanted to talk through the DSM-4 with me “you really think you’re autistic huh.” of course mom. why else would i have written a paper about it, followed actually autistic accounts, and done research on it.

then near the next year, i sucked even more ass. friend shit broke me down and i felt....like i fucked up. which i did. and like i cant keep people in my life. (which is partially true) and i felt more physically exhausted than i had in literal years. i feel very deeply, and especially with negative emotions. so that really fucked me up. (may be something more serious, i have no idea) so there’s that. i just....i’ve never felt like i had been so awful in some time. like i let everyone around me down. so no more of /those/ situations. i dont sleep correctly when my hair is wet, so you can imagine how my dreams were THAT night.

but yeah, i dont feel like wanting to kill myself again. because i know it’s not worth it. but something just keeps pulling me deeper into these disgusting pits of awfulness. like there’s no other way out. (wrong) and gritting my teeth and willing myself to do things is going to hurt, but it’s quite literally the only choice i have. i cant give up. so there’s that. my thoughts and everything. yeah.....it’s 5:10 in the morning, im going the fuck to sleep.

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zoppzoop · 3 years

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3 and 27:))

Hello ma'am! Ily and imy!!!! I hope you're doing good!!

03: Do you regret anything?

Seriously speaking, not getting studying done sooner because of procrastination. And also not having talked to my parents about architecture sooner. I literally started thinking about it seriously day before yesterday after talking to mom and dad. But ehh i just gotta study hared now.

And non-seriously, not taking the chance and going to the stationery with dad to buy stuff lmao

I went with mom and got just one fineliner pen.

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

Tbh yes and twice. Or maybe thrice? Four times??? idk if one of them was a hearbreak or actually just a prank.

Anyways buckle the fuck up we're in for a story time and this is gonna be a stupid ride

Okay, first the 'prank' (now that i think about it it was definitely not a prank). i was in the 7th grade and this one dude from my class came up to me while i was boarding the bus to go home and handed me a piece of paper. And im here confused as to what the f u c k? The dude was kinda like in the competition for the top rank in class (we were very competetive, there were like 5 of us) so i was just confused. I got in the bus and opened the paper. And it had a bunch of stuffs that i dint bother reading because the first thing my eyes landed on was 'will you be the annabeth to my percy?' And (yes i was a huge pjo fan that the time) i got out of the bus and literally yote the paper in the trash (cruel, yes i know. But listen. The dude used to tease me by literally shipping me with another classmate (thats also another story) and GOD that was so fucking ａｎｎｏｙｉｎｇso yes i was angry. And i legit didnt like any of the people in my class. All of them were just,,,, nah. Sobyea next day he asked me 'so?' And i said ',,,so what??' And he's like 'whats your reply?' And i straight up said 'uh i threw the paper' and he just turned around and left.

And then we became enemies-ish and literally fought hand-to-hand once (i was kicking so hand to foot i guess?) But ye that happened. And then a bunch of more stuff happened and by the time my dad was gonna get a promotional transfer to another place half the class became like one big group of friends and we became pretty good friends in the end.

Now lets talk about the dude who i got shipped with. I got teased for a whole year and like we were all pretty good friends right? So i didnt mind it in the beginning but then it got too overwhelming in the middle and it literally made me hate every single one of them. But then it got subdued and we decided we'll maybe date? And we didnt exactly say that out loud but he used to walk me to my bus (okay so the bus system at my old schoom was like a few buses were inside the campus and a few were outside. His was inside and mine out, so he used to walk me there. And then one day he said lets hold hands (and we did it was cute and we held hands and walked to my bus for like 2-3 days but then had to stop bc people started teasing us, we didnt end it on bitter terms btw. He used to have like taekwondo practice int he last period and we usually had english then so while going to the buses i used to give him my notes for the day.)

And like a few days later we realised that sure this is nice but he was gonna move schools soon and i legit wasnt that interested in relationships at the time so we 'ended' whatever that was. And on his last day when he dropped me off to my bus he asked me if i had a phone so we could keep in touch and i didnt have it so i said no and he was like 'hmm okay, bye take care' and left. And then his best friend stayed behind and jokingly said 'ah you broke his heart'

Yea okay two down two to go.

Third dude was in my bus and in my class and the friend group which was made up of half the class and wow i feel bad about everything w/ everyone now lmao

Anyways this was in 8th grade. So we were pretty good friends because we were in the same bus and class for the past 3 years now and considering my dad's profession thats a long time in the same place (its usually just one year) and ye so we were pretty close. Everyone in the bus used to olay team up games like charades and stuff

(ah shit i remember a fifth one in the colony damn i hate this)

Anyways number three, so we used to talk a lot. I'd gotten instagram by this time for art stuff so we talked there a lot. Like we sent each other memes and he got my weird and cursed meme shit and also got into anime and bts a bit to understand what the fuck i was saying. And he used to get teased because middle schoolers and junior highschoolers are stupid kids in those terms so ye there was a lot of teasibg which i tried to instantly shoot down because i didnt want a 7th grade repeat when there were chances of dad getting transfered soon coz i want good memories of the place y'know? So ye that happened. And i found out last year (in 11th grade and after dad got the transfer (i started 10th grade after the transfer) and apparently he got teased because he did actually like me and me shooting all that stuff down was literally just a rejection itself so that happened.

And number 4 was a similar thing but way more stressy because last year some random dude hit me up on Instagram and im here confused as to what the fuck? Ｗｈｏｍｓｔ？ and he says he's a friend of the first dude, second dude and the fourth dude (all of them are in the same coaching institute and 1,2 and 4 were also in my class in the past right. They were 3 of the 5 who were in the competition for top rank) and he legit says he wants to talk to the girl that two of his friends fought over and i'm like sir WHAT the Actual ＦＵＣＫ. because in the begining they were good friends in class right? And they had some unknown falling out and im like bitch literally WHAT the FUCK. So he brings up proof and shut because i didnt believe him and fuck off he also broght in another classmate who knew and im here losing my mind because the actual fuck you motherfuckers. Anyways apparently since i didnt like 4 back, he had his heart broken so eh. It was literally a 4 year old thing which those idiots were fighting over even now like dude the hell???

So ye that happened and a whole gc was made and shit was solved and cleared out blah blah freindship rebuilt yadda yadda bullcrap i got so tired by now that i literally am still kinda ignoring everyone rn. (half the reason why i deleted ig was because its distracting and half bc i wanna ignore them all lmao)

Anyways number 5 was in my colony and also in my bus when he used to go to the same school (he shifted to a boarding school later bc some stuff happened w his dad which is a whole another wild thing) and ooh he was also my neighbor! We used to go and play badminton in the clubhouse (literally all the kids of our age group and older used to go there. And after badminton when it was like 7:30 or 8 we used to just sit around in a circle and play truth or dare or red hands or kabbadi or literally anything we could think of. Fun times ngl.) So ye he was on a trip home on a long weekend i think and we ended up cycling around the colony, just us two hanging out. And we were talking and this one girl who he told me was his crush when he was still in school came up and he then told me that that was actually a codename thing he and his friend created and that was their codename for me and he also said he was over it now and i was just there completely shook because i honestly thought he hated me in the middle somewhere lmao. And he said he was just annoyed because another mutual friend of ours in the colony told him that i had a crush on this other guy like one house away from mine (my best friends house was in the middle lmao) (anyways that mutual frined the traitorous mf i truStEd her (actually i'd already confessed to the dude and got turned down i legit wasnt even that invested so it wasnt a big deal. I just wanted to kinda get done with this crush thing once and for all. He turned me down politely. He's a sweet guy he used to be there i the club after i was done with my coaching stuff around 7:30 and then us two played till like 9. It was nice) so ye he told me about his crush on me which lasted a few months??? and that he was over it and i also told him that i'd gotten the rejection from my crush a loooong time ago and he's like huh cool. and ye we kept cycling and talking ab more random stuff till it was time to head home .

ｗｈｅｗ ANYWAYS THERE WAS A LOT TO UNPACK HERE. Anyways- sjdvskdb thanks for the ask this was a wild ride down memory lane. I didnt even remember half the shit till it came down to it.

#also this just reminds me how i used to be at around the top in my class and the coaching at the old place #but here im just #ehhhhhh below average #i kinda idk.... stopped trying???#i legit dont know what hapoened to me i ised to be such a good student dude #i miss those smart big brain days.#i even had a ongoing fic with like above 100k readers on wattpad back then #i peaked in 8-9th grade ngl #lish.answers

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unravelling-the-world · 3 years

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random thoughts related to kagepro (tw for depression?? death?? suicide ?? implied ?? im not sure and idk what else read at ur own risk)

well idk lately ive been thinking a lot and ik ive uh always (? since i can remember?) have been depressed (i mean...it started around age 12...i dont really remember much before that. most of what i remember are bad moments anyways. or very specific scenes. but they dont feel mine. if that makes sense. its like remembering the scene from a movie. back on track i guess idk well lately ive realized i actually kin some characters and lately ive...been relating a lot to shintaro kisaragi fromkagepro. i mean its ok. there´s always been that specific similarity in us (after all, how many characters in anime are as related to coca cola as shintaro //and me,,im literally a coca cola addict lmao// well anyways. after some days, this lead me to thinking...to a hidden memory within my brain, i guess. I remember introducing my then best friends, to kagepro. one told me haha he´s like u bc the coca cola!! and i think i just laughed and smiled? i truly didn´t see it? i was sad sure, but i couldnt really relate to him. after all, i was the leader of my own little group of 12 year old weebs,right? (i was also 12 btw) i didnt personally dislike shintaro but i didnt rly see myself in him yknow? also i have loved ayano from ever since i have memory so idk like she´s one of my biggest comfort characters and its weird bc if she was ´´real´´ idk if i could date her or anything but im just glad she exists bc it somehow comforts me a lot yeah anyways ayano essay for another time lol. anyways at this age my favorite characters in kagepro were ayano and konoha ( i still love them a lot) thing is, at this point in my life i didnt know/wasnt aware i was transgender but i already kinda liked he/him pronouns so i roleplayed a lot. online. i roleplayed as konoha obviously lmao and actually one of my irl friends related to shintaro ?? and i think we may have roleplayed lmao and stuff.... she even had a facebook account named shin hikkikomori or smth like that. anyways fast forward bc after being 12 a lot of stuff happened obviously. and none of that relates to kagepro until quite some time. i will mention some items that dont really relate to kagepro but marked moments in my friend group that may be relevant later on. Around 2016)? Some of my closest friends changed schools (but we kept contact) yet i still had a big group at school. But it got fragmented along the way. 2017 i went to Japan and formed a new, different friend group with people that even today, are dear to me. When i came back, my friend group fragmented more. I kept contact with other members of the old group but one on one, not as a group anymore. 2018 we graduated, and i broke up my realtionship with one of my former best friends (2016-2018) 2019 was a year of change, and even though i was afraid and shit got weird, i was not doing too bad. i will skip that. Well. Im sure we all know 2020 was a trainwreck, shit happened. i had a villain arc. I lost my shit,definetely. Ups, downs, whatever. 2021 has not been too different. However, even through everything, in early 2020, i kept close relationships with my friend group. as the year moved forward and the restrictions started lifting ( thank you government very cool <3 //ironically obviously, this is the reason this shit wont go away//) some of my friends saw each other irl and stuff, or talked about stuff i didn´t understand/didn´t want to hear while on discord. I felt alienated. I felt empty. I got mad at a friend for the first time, for something he said. I ended up isolating myself. A friend celebrated her birthday. She invited me and never excluded me, asked me a lot of things and asked to virtually include me. But that would just make me feel more alienated, wouldn´t it? I told her it was ok, i didn´t go. Honestly, I felt like a bother. I didn´t want to bother. I wasn´t okay, but i didn´t want to bother anyone, so i isolated myself. I had a very bad breakdown. lasted weeks. When I recovered, it wasn´t the same. It felt like everyone else was closer, while i drifted away. I kind of recconected with some of my friends from Japan after this. In the vacations, i felt like i reconnected with some friends just to drift away again later. However, i never could reconnect with one of my best friends. She never really got mad at me or anything ( i think) but we don´t really talk much anymore. We used to talk daily, be it actual talking, memes, anything. I don´t think we´ve actually talked in weeks. There´s nothing I can do. This year, another friend had a birthday, but I was so disconnected from everyone I didn´t even care. I mean. It´s all broken now, isn´t it? The other day I just started wondering. When did I start relating to Shintaro so much? I had always been like this, hadn´t I? Who am I, actually? Why do I relate so much now? It´s not just about the soda. I had lost friends before, but I never really felt like that. Sometimes I feel like I´ve lost everyone. In a one year span I became a hikkikomori. About a month ago, when I entered classes, I was recognized as Shintaro pfp and I admitted to kinning him to people i´d never talked to before (on chat) // I decided to go apeshit idc anymore about what anyone thinks of me// I had fun. I think I must´ve posted on my stories, because two different people told me they were the ene to my shintaro. I appreciated it. i mean it´s kinda true bc now that i´m only on the pc they do bother me online and try to get me to open up or get better but sometimes the just annoy me lmao but also not bc they all have their own particular lives and they all seem to be doing better than me. Still, my classmates are very nice and inclusive. But it´s not like im close to any of them I guess. I´m just alone now. I´m fucked up man....I don´t feel real anymore. I don´t really know who I am. I guess that´s why I find comfort in seeing a part of myself in Shintaro? But when did i turn out like this? Why didn´t I relate when I was younger? Well, I hadn´t really lost any friends back then. I now know how painful that is. How lonely it is to be alone even when there is people around. idk. and i´ve always been quiet. introverted. shy. a loser. yet now whenever i meet anyone i try to idk connect? but i cant. i wish i could be more evil. maybe it´d just be easier if everyone really, truly hated me. maybe i´d get the strength to actually kill myself then. it´s weird. i really see myself in route xx shintaro. I know that´s fucked up because I know how it ends. but truly, i was trying. I was healing, i think i was going somewhere. and i was trying to keep my newly formed renovated friend group together. I really was trying to. I didn´t mind if we had sub groups on the big group, but we were all there for each other. I tried my best. I felt like i belonged. but now im alone again. and this time there´s nothing i can do. if something, i´ve made it worse. and i keep making it worse. it´s weird. when i first got into kagepro, both shintaro and ayano felt like adults. i thought they were really, really big. im older than them now. now i know theyre not really adults. i get it. i still feel 18. after all, these last two years have been taken away from me. i didnt waste them myself this time. i feel like a rotten 18 year old...when i listen to lost time memory, i just...get it. i always liked the song. i thought the story was so cool. when it first came out.. i still remember. iwas there. i waited for it. i loved it. i still do, but back then, i just saw it all as some really great and cool song. now i feel like i really, really get it. i love it even more. im hiding away in all my memories. but what is my true heart? what do i really want? i don´t know, i don´t know... If I'm 'wise' then, I can't face forward; I have no reason to so, I'll rot away instead It would be nice if time could be turned back. Years may pass but I'll never die I repeat hopeful words to myself, even though I know I still won't be able to reach you. "It doesn't matter, just die already!" I said as I clutched my wrist, simply cursing it. Unable to do anything, I merely indulged myself in life. "If summer can show me dreams, then let's go to before you were taken away" The days where I hid my embarrassment are illuminating upon the atmosphere and burning my mind. If I'm wishing for a dream that can't come true, then I'll embrace this blurry past and have a dream which I don't wake up from and naturally seclude myself from the outside world. "But that means you can't even see tomorrow?" I don't really care 'bout that, so it's ok I stained my hands in order to kill these boring days I'm choosing "solitude" after all A rotten boy at 18 today too, prayed again while clinging on to your colored smile Underneath the blazing sun Asking "Somehow, please take me away instead of leaving like this!" and my murmuring breath was quietly stopped

I guess i just wish someone could actually help me. take me out of this hole. Maybe some kind of closure would be nice. It´s not the same, though. I don´t have enough bravery in myself to actually kill myself. Mostly because of guilt. I can´t take the guilt of dissapointing everyone. I don´t want my parents to get hurt. I don´t want my bunny to miss me. Yet i wish everyday for it to be over. Lately, half of my dreams have been in Japan, with many friends, some who i met there, some who have never been there. Yet my brain shows me the dreams before it was all taken away. I think one of my favorite parts of the day is dreaming. I like to sleep simply because I dream. And i sleep very few. mayb bc i hate myself? I still barely indulge in life. I do anything to stay distracted. If i think, it all goes to shit. it all does. like now. Heh. it´s funny. I guess no one is truly my ene, because no one actually knows how mentally fucked up i got these past months. No one knows how badly i´ve been treating myself and how badly i´ve been doing. Still, i can´t tell anyone but scream it into the tumblr void. No one has to keep up with my shit. No one has to take care of me. After all, it was I who chose solitude. It was me who kept them away. But I don´t get a second choice. I don´t get a change of routes if things go sour. And i guess I don´t get to get a mentally fucked up friend group where I belong for a second time. Once was good enough, wasn´t it? I.. Even when I wasnt as deep as i am now (again) into kagepro, ive always wanted to die on August 15. It holds meaning to me now as well. Every year I used to ask people to go out with me that day. I know im not brave enough to kill myself. I always hoped for a lil miracle i guess. Last year was the first year...I didn´t do anything. I just... I just hope this year i can make it. I hope the miracle happens this year....I can only hope......its too late for me to be saved, isn´t it? I never thought it´d be like this. I don´t get closure. I don´t get goodbyes. I am left behind on a world that keeps moving. I am nothing.

#long post #hinatalks #we live in a society #fr fr #when i die....if god is real..i´ll end this once and for all. all of it #i am left with nothing but pain and anger.... i cant even feel anymore. i think i forgot how to

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ryncorrect · 4 years

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university!au: day6 sungjin

i’ve abandoned this au for so long istg my life is a mess yall please forgive but anyway im back with my bullshit and ready to spread my cringe-worthy stuff to the world again

name: park sungjin

major: practical music and arts

other activities: leader, guitarist, and vocalist of university band, president of music club, member of cooking club

park sungjin is the embodiment of leadership

i mean he’s the band leader, the club president, also the president of his class since year one, like he’s so trustworthy and responsible, literally nothing can go wrong under his sight

and even when things do go wrong (life is a bitch) he’ll still make sure everyone is fine and having the time of their lives pun intended

anyone who meets sungjin for the first time will probs say he has this tough man aura, cold,,, tsundere-ish idk

but as someone who have known each other for so long, you never understand when anyone says sungjin looks cold

you know damn well the moment sungjin opens his mouth he gonna throw dad jokes with his satoori dialect

dad jokes are fucking funny fight me

you once said sungjin should start his own comedy club

......he’s currently considering it

oh right he also talks about food all. the. time.

he joined cooking club for a reason okay

no, he can’t and doesn’t really cook he’s only there to taste food and people let him there because he’s nice and he knows how to appreciate the cooks

uh we love a man with manners

so, who is sungjin for you exactly?

he lives next door, one year older than you, was a leader even when you were little ayeee childhood friend cliche

can you imagine little sungjin leading his friends in game its so pure brb crying

you told him everything you couldn’t tell ur parents because they were busy, you asked for his advises, he made sure you were safe and happy

you still depend on him even after you two have grown up

you enrolled to the same university, took the same major with him, and even joined the clubs he’s a member of

this isn’t because you’re indecisive, it’s just that you spent so much of your childhood with sungjin that you two became similar to each other, up to your hobbies and interests and even palate lmao

that’s why he loves to eat with you because you two never argue about the menu

the only club you can’t join is the band, and that’s because jae rejected your application

reason: extremely close personal relationship with sungjin, therefore sungjin will take your side if we ever had an argument

you denied that; no, sungjin wont take anyone’s side based on feelings bc he’s a logical person and he always listens carefully to every side of the parties before he makes a decision..... but jae wont listen

brat

"you only rejected me because im a better guitarist”

“lalalalala cant hear you over my authority as the important band member”

“fuck you”

“i don’t accept offers”

anywayssss you did fail to join the band, but you’re friends with them, theyre literally so used to your company that sometimes they forgot youre not actually in the band

you and the guys teamed up for sungjin’s surprise birthday party

the surprise failed because dowoon accidentally added sungjin to the group chat

sungjin being nice and playing along anyway because he didnt want to disappoint you

and then its sungjin’s turn to ask the guys for help for your birthday party

failed again because dowoon AGAIN accidentally invited you, in person, to your own birthday party

dowoon what the heck?????

yeah its all cute and sweet but thats all of your relationship with sungjin, you treat him like a dependable brother and he treats you like his own little sister

thats what you tell to your friends too when they ask if you two are dating

they’re glad thats the case

because they have a crush on sungjin LMAOOOOO PLOT TWIST

they’re hoping they can get to sungjin through you yanno like asking you to send him snacks and letters or to tell him they say hi

you dont mind i mean you know sungjin is one admirable person ofc everyone likes him

sungjin never rejects nor accepts it hes just like “yay snacks!”

“god damn it sungjin just date any of them im tired of being a matchmaker”

“then dont?? literally no one asked you to”

little did you know that sungjin had the same problem

some of his classmates are interested in you but whenever they come to him he just says, “dont ask me i dont know anything and if i do i wont tell you”

this one sandeul guy has started asking you out and stuff

“ehhh youre so nice i’ll think about it!!”

you, immediately texting sungjin: ur friend sandeul ask me out what should i do

sungjin: do you like him tho

you: not really idk him yet

sungjin: just tell him your mom said no

you: damn nice

but this guy is so persistent and you gotta admit hes kinda cute and after a few tries you finally said yes to him

so you two went together and it was pretty fun

sungjin isnt too happy when he hears about it from sandeul

he asked you, “why didnt you tell me first?”

“well i dont think its a big deal. it was just a date anyway”

but you always told him everything

sungjin never speaks about it again

you go on another date with sandeul the week after

you tell sungjin later and he doesnt ask how it went

hes just “oh”

idk he’s kinda distant now, he rarely talks nor replies to your texts

he doesn't visit music club nor cooking club either so you don't see him often

have i told you im uncreative and all my aus are lame???

you think its probably because hes focusing for the finals, but even after it’s over sungjin doesnt really hang out with you or the band anymore like he only comes for practices and leaves right after

weirdly no one says anything about sungjin’s absence

but you cant stay quiet any longer and decide to ask dowoon whats wrong with sungjin

you shouldve known dowoon cant help much

“honestly i dont know either, maybe you should ask wonpil he’s sungjin’s roommate”

“but what if wonpil told sungjin”

“told sungjin what?”

“that i asked about him”

“asked him what?”

“...nevermind”

you asked younghyun

younghyun doesnt help either

“i dont know, just ask him yourself. i thought you were the closest to him??” why you so salty man

okay fine lets ask jae

“i’ll tell you for fifty bucks”

“dude im broke”

“then deal with it yourself”

you had no choice but to ask wonpil

“he’s just tired”

you know wonpil lied but this little shit refuses to tell anything

“please dont force me to answer i will cry really loudly and it’ll be embarrassing for the both of us”

why do you befriend them in the first place smh

oh youre right about wonpil telling sungjin that youre worried, and he does tell him to talk to you if he got something in mind

sungjins hesitant but in the end he only says, “no... its just that i didnt realize until recently that my little sister has grown up a lot”

“dear god wtf you sound like her grandma”

skip the boring part so uh a few more days passed awkwardly between you two and after your failed attempt at asking around you decide to confront sungjin in person

youre in the band practice room, the others are present, sungjin’s about to leave early as usual, and you find yourself jumping up your seat, “whats your problem with me?”

you know sungjin hates confrontation but you cant stand it anymore. you tried giving him time but if theres anything you seem to be more of a stranger to him

“i dont know what i did wrong and i wont know if you dont tell me, so let me know. i’ll listen and i’ll apologize if its my fault, but dont give me silent treatment like this. its so unlikely of you"

you can see sungjin clences his jaw as he replies calmly, "people change"

"you don't change, youre being childish. if you're mad you should talk about it. if you don't want me here you should tell me to go. if you don't like ME dating your friend you should tell me not to!!!"

drama much ryn

"youre your own person and you make your own choice, its your life and i cant keep telling you what to do or what not," and the end part kinda slips, "i don't hate you dating my friend or anyone, okay? im just not used yet to be a second person for you and im afraid youll get hurt"

"youre never?? a second person sungjin where does this idea even come from youre the only one for me i dont want anyone else???"

and suddenly there's a train of awkward coughs and you come back to your senses and you realize you're being watched

jae pretends to make a phone call, "mom pick me up im scared"

lame jae lame

dowoon mumbles, "can we,,, make an exit first before you two declare your undying love bc its privacy yanno"

you feel the heat spreading across your face as you open your mouth the same time as sungjin, both want to deny dowoon, but younghyun beats yall to it, "yeah you two are in love with each other we been know"

you and sungjin stares at each other, confused, "we don't???"

"oh honey,,, my dear,,, ive read enough sappy shit in writing club to see where this is going"

the conversation was cut there and neither of you bring it up again,

because the idea of you loving sungjin or sungjin loving you is so weird that you refuse to think about it, and so is for sungjin

but ever since that, sungjin has drastically come back to normal its almost hilarious, he spends a lot of time hanging out in the music club, practicing with the band, visiting the cooking club, making a joke here and there

sungjin is himself again with you, a caring dependable brother whom you come to whenever you need to talk or just hang out with and he always makes sure he has time for you

sap

you know hes always been like that but why does it feel different now??? the way he smiles or pulls your hand so youre walking on the inner side of the road,,, how he neatly places your spoon and chopsticks on a napkin when you two go out to eat together,,,, why

tender love baby chICKEN TENDER

mydayexol follow me

andddd so one day, someone asked you out. again.

wow ur so popular i cant Relate

you, texting sungjin: sandeuls friend jinyoung something invited me to a party next saturday should i come

sungjin, replying to you: hmm

you: ???

sungjin: i think its up to you

for some reason youre disappointed by his reply,,, but he’s right tho its your call if you wanna go then you go its not about what sungjin says

right?

right???

but suddenly you got another text: but if you ask for my opinion i would say don't go

you: actually i dont want to either lol so what should i say

sungjin: tell him you already have a date

you: nice

sungjin: with me

you: ayyeee

you: wait what

sungjin: i mean its just a suggestion

sungjin: which you can accept

sungin: or reject

for some reason you can imagine sungjin’s cheeky smile through his texts and it makes your inside tingles and you wanna giggle

so yea you thought it was a joke but he actually did take you out for a movie and dinner

it was really nice

so yanno the weird thing is that neither of you ask the other to be “official” but you just. are dating.

ur friends are mad like “bUT YOU SAID YOU TWO WERENT A THING”

“lol sry i changed my mind”

“fuck you”

“no thanks sungjin can do that... bUT DONT TELL SUNGJIN I SAID THAT hes gonna kill me”

“is he ur mom”

“basically yeah”

this sucks real bad but who cares

not me obviously

ill be back soon (or not) with dowoon’s one lets hope i can do better than this dnsjfsndfj lnjajnfdjs lmAO I LOVE YALL AND HAPPY NEW YEAR IN ADVANCE

#day6 #sungjin #park sungjin #day6 imagines #day6 scenarios #day6 fanfic #day6 reactions #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #kpop reactions #im sorry sungjin #ive put this on hold for too long i already forgot what i wanted to write in the first place #bye

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onthoughtscliche · 4 years

Text

Its only recently that i have realized some things about myself: i relate a whole lot with Sasuke in the sns perspective.

tl;dr: I’m Sasuke and i’ve only ever had eyes for 4 different Narutos in my life but sadly, my girlfriend is a Sakura.

Ive always been compared to Naruto alot of times because i loved my friends so much, i’d always put them first, i tried my hardest in everything that i do, i dream too big and too bright, i was loud, noisy, ive been called stupid over the funniest things, i was quiet when i was on my own, thought of how to help friends when i needed to rest, i basically had a part of Naruto (perhaps i’ve acquired his traits over the years i’ve watched him grow) but maybe, in love, i was always Sasuke.

a. When i was in 5th grade, I had my first crush on my classmate (10 months). She was friends with a lot of people while I only had a few friends then. Regardless, she talked to me as if we were close, and then we were. we talked almost everyday, day and night and she made me laugh,happy, giddy and all things nice. She was there for me and i was there for her, but she left for the US and since then we never spoke to each other again. the last time i saw her was in 7th grade when she returned but by then she has forgotten about me. At least, before she left, she made sure i knew she loved me. even if only as a friend.

b. when i was in third year, i had a little crush on my classmate again (2 years). Her name was Summer and she was literal sunshine. Making everyone laugh and happy and she was extremely hardworking and talented too. We got close over some religious project our school required and because of that I used to think God brought her to me and maybe He really did. Like i said, she was a literal sunshine and she made me happy on days i cant even think of being happy and she was so loud and crazy but the best part was, she picked me up and stuck with me when i was bullied. I’ve confessed to her and we’ve gotten closer that she took all my time. We were together everyday from monday to fridays in school and weekends serving the church and she never left me even when life was turning down. She would even be sulky if we didnt spend time together and she made sure we made up for the we lost. She also made sure i knew how lucky she was to meet someone like me, how she loved me so much even if it was as a friend. Several bad things happened in my life and in the end and i left her. stopped planning with her, didnt go to church with her, left her on read, i always turned her down. Now, we just support each other from afar, barely talking, awkward and silent.

c. In college, I had a major crush on my blockmate (1 year). He was so funny, crazy, loud, smart!, thoughtful, caring!!! and all things amazing. I looked up to him and tried harder in college so we could reach his level. We’ve gotten so close that we would always choose each others company any day. we even acted like we were together, we had 10 hour calls, we had calls while sleeping, taking a bath, taking a shit even, cooking. we even planned our college future together. he would always include me in his plans, always supported me, comforted me, we did a lot of things together (He was my personal heater because I always got cold) and i got myself to hope that maybe someday he’d like me back. Like the first two, he always made damn sure I knew he loved me, that he cared for me a lot.. like he does for his other friends. Things changed between us when i confessed and started thinking about my own future and how i left all his laid out plans for him to pursue on his own instead. Now, we’re still good friends and we still support each other a lot and we can still talk to each other as if were close. i guess its all good.

I know i’ve had crushes, but i know I’ve only ever loved once.

d. In 7th grade, I fell in love with my classmate. (6 years) She was the epitome of Naruto. she was stupid for all the funniest things, shes socially and politically aware, she was really loud, obnoxious??, the funniest person i know, she has so much pent up confidence, she had so many great friends that cared for her, she was beautiful, she has the prettiest smile and its so bright and i wouldve given all to see her smile like that. hell she was also unpredictable most of the time, she was almost always happy and she wore her heart on her sleeve.. but she also was great at keeping her pain behind her smile and back then i was the only one who could see past her mask. I admired her from afar but she was so friendly, she made her friend in just a snap. she would always include me in conversations, make me laugh, make me speak bec im one quiet mofo around people im not close with. we would always talk about everything and anything (sometimes i felt bad because she had a girlfriend but she always put her gfs first of course) I confessed to her because i couldnt take all the love ive been feeling. She never changed and she just made us closer than before.she was the noisy one and i was the quiet one and i was so satisfied with just hearing her talk my ears out. we’ve been through so much, we fought, we reconciled, we laughed, we cried, supported, comforted each other. 6 years and even though loving her hurt, i was happy. I could go on and list all the things she did for me and she wouldve done more for me but this is getting really long. like the other three above, she told me shes glad she met me, she told me shes lucky for having someone like me in her life, someone who understood her when no one else would, someone who pushed her hard to keep reaching for her dreams. 13 out of 13 times i told her i love her, she told me she loved me more even if it was as a friend. I dont think i ever got over her. i just let her go when she found her own love. and i kept loving her from afar since then.. til now.

None of them ever saw me as more than a friend.

Now, I met my girlfriend when i was in second year college (3 years), she courted me for a year even if I said no countless of times. she would always tell me she loves me and she would do anything for me just so i could give her a chance. she would put me first over her life, she would chase even if i liked somebody else, even if i was too busy with my own life, she would try to force herself into my life. in the end, i gave her a chance. I gave her a chance because shes funny, and she made me laugh, and she put me first above anything else, and i thought maybe id learn to love her and give her the love she deserves but im sure i never loved her the same way i loved D. i never craved for her presence like i craved C’s.. she never tried to understand my pain, she tells me she loves me for all the things i made her feel and all the things i did for her but never for who i am. she only loves what i show her but she never tried to run deeper and understand me even if i try to make her understand me and maybe that why im not happy with her. maybe thats why i dont see happiness in Sasuke’s eyes when he’s with Sakura in the anime. Maybe that’s why i understood the reason why sasuke never bothered visiting her for 12 years. theres more to say but this is so long idek if anyone will read.

this ship really made me learn about myself more than all those retreats i had in school.

#personal #my love life lol #its hella long #like reading a chapter fic #feel free to read if u r interested #this is me explaining my love life in sasunaru perspective #id talk about letter d more but this is really long #imagine hoping for a naruto but end up with a sakura

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96xie · 4 years

Text

2019

a whole summary of this difficult year

2019 was full of unexpected good and bad surprises along with lessons and experiences.

january

spent good time with mocha, wayo and brian

had such a good time with guildies from our game

met up with some other ppl from the same game and didnt feel too good bc i was never good with crowds and/or groups that were already well established

tried tinder for the first time because i thought it would be nice to put myself out there for once

feburary

continued my tinder journey and actually had fun with it. it was pretty scary at the same time because it was such a new experience talking to other people and to have them notice you? because i always knew and felt that i wasnt really the desirable one.

actually hooked up with a guy from last months meetup and hung out twice. thought it was going somewhere because he, too, showed signs to progress further ((was wrong because he lied and showed red flags later))

one major red sign to me: no response after genuinely saying thank you for rides and dinner. im the type of person who always says thank you because im honestly grateful for the little and big things. he basically shrugged it off.

also, a huge liar. yah, big no

i brought him to my friends birthday bc they and himself wanted to meet each other, it was fun while it lasted but stuff happened

towards the end of the month, i cut my ties off with him for being awfully mean to me and also cut ties with my “friends” for having really bad assumptions of me.

i was frustrated with myself at that time bc his cats gave me a bad breakout and i felt super ugly. also i wasnt sad over him, but over the fact that i let myself be treated like a second option. eventually i learned that it was good that i didnt let things go further and that i only deserve the very best.

even though i was hurt, i thought it was a good experience, esp since i havent really been in the “dating game” for years. like it was a just a small step to putting myself out there once again

a week later after that a classmate asked me out and got tons of compliments from him and wondered “the universe really works in crazy ways”

march

met some cool people through the same mobile game on a discord server and they were much better than the first group.

also met this really funny dude in the same group. like he was so fun to talk to and he understood my dumb lingo

remember when my classmate asked me out on a date? it turned out a bit weird. but considering this was my first date in YEARS i thought it was a cool experience. got some carne asada fries outta him

i had the dude i was talking to call me so i could leave the date tho LOL ((he helped me lots, esp how to deal with awkward situations with my classmate. also at this point, i really liked talking to him but i wasnt rly sure if i wanted to date other guys bc i had been hurt previously)

this month was pretty much dedicating most of my time talking to him and i enjoyed it alot

also went to pubs for the first time to hangout with my coworkers. such an interesting place

april

tried rollerskating for the first time ever, ended up with a bunch of bruises but it was cool!

also tried 7leaves for the first time and instantly fell in love with mungbean

also went clubbing in sf with my friends and it was such a fun time like i had SO much fun

i got auctioned off of SAD! that phase was just a crazy ride. while there was many that dm’d me, there was only one special person that i only replied to and continued to talk to him on a daily basis

((honestly, i was scared that i was taking things a bit further with him because a part of me was like “are you ready for this?” and “have you really recovered from that guy?” or “can you give this guy your all?” just alot of overthinking))

spent 4/20 at sf with my friends, and overall had a GREAT time. took too many hits and drank so ya gorl was crossfaded. not sure if i wanna do tht again tho

unfortunately woke up with a swollen face and it lasted for a LONG time.

may

so my face is still swollen, still bad, red as a tomato and at this point i was really hesitant to meet up with the guy ive been talking to. i mean!! my skin was SO bad. i felt like i was gonna make a fool out of myself by scaring him away

but,,,, he was still willing to see me despite my appearance and : ( he was so accepting and typing this makes my heart ache bc he is SUCH a good man : (

i met up with the guy towards the end of the month in sj and first thing he does when i walk up to him is give me this great warm hug and so many smooches !!!!!!! like my heart is melting

eventually we became official !!! he got us an airbnb for the night and we jus spent time cuddling on the bed and honestly i : ( i like him so much

june

my birthday wasnt rly that like “wow” it was actually kinda annoying

my bf flew up to sf where we met up, explored the city and slept the night in at an airbnb. next day went to oakland where i introduced my friends to him!

went to my first festival with several with my friends, including ppl from our same guild from our game and it was SO fun

rolled for the first time and it was SUCH an experience. redosed like twice and ended up hallucinating which is something ill def not do again

also i really wished my bf was with me at that time : ( while i had an extremely fun time, i wish i shared that moment with him : (

july

went to vegas for my cousins 22nd bday. shit was wild

also rolled there.

also threw up for the very first time

a fight broke out at the club and that shit was fuckgin CRAZY and it was RIGHT next to our table

also used alot of my money for the whole trip in which nobody really told me about so …. i was like ok.. fuck …

also my skin was still bad during these past months so it was pretty hard masking it

like really hard. with someone with terrible eczema, its just extremely hard to hide it

august

bf flew to sac!!! he met my mom for the first time and we explored the city and stuff

and went on an ikea date! and! honestly i just really loved spending time with him :c

we also spent time with my friends! they came over also! and ate some fuckgin bomb ass waffles

and then took bus down to la to meetup with some friends from our guild towards the end of the month!

it was pretty nice to be able to stay with my bf in his apartment !!!!!

also some scalding tea but thats rly for another time

to make it super short tho: our friend that we’ve known much longer than the girl he met (less than 3 months) dropped our friendship SO quick lol

september

cousin bonding @ beach, too cold for tht doe

towards the end of the month, my bf flew me down!!! so i spent the weekend with him and like always, only had a good time with him!

AND ALWAYS EATING GOOD FOOD!

october

during this fall semester, i took online classes and one of them was a 8week class. there was a topic about mental health and how we can take care of ourselves better and i just thought it was such an important thing to cover. i feel like its not talked about enough

november

spent thanksgiving with my family down in morgan hill and ate good food! honey ham has a special place in my heart.

went black friday shopping first at walmart, lowkey disappointed in myself because i was bummed out the apple watches were sold out. the materialistic part of me jumped out oof

slept at my cousins then went to the mall! didnt get anything besides really good bulgogi fries. i hated going into stores tho cuz everything was literally crowded. hated it !!!!!!!

went to a small festival in sacramento with my friends at the end of the month and this time is 7 of us (than the usual 5)! it was sososo fun.

also took my coworker with me, it was actually amusing to see bc our group were all asian and he’s the only tall white guy

made hotpot at home and we also went out for milktea and waffles again! sooo good.

december

flew down to see my bf again and only had a good time! went to this garden with beautiful lights and ! ugh! SO pretty!

cried in his bed before my flight back, cried on the plane, cried at home and cried before i slept. i miss him

also racked up alot of hours so i could pay for my tuition and my family’s bills. kinda sucks bc im pretty tired but i gotta do what do i gotta do.

christmas was a bit lonely bc my mom went to the philippines and i dont rly talk to my brother but my kuya came the next day and we ate n watched stuff

overall, it was a whacky year. but im so glad to have met ed. he means SO much to me. a part of me was so hesitant to date him because i mean, he’s man with his life set. i dont have a car, im still in school, i have this part time job where im giving my mom all my paychecks and which the only money im keeping is just my tips (not much), i still have issues with myself and other conflicts and honestly theres much to do, learn and grow from. but he’s so supportive, understanding and loving and i love and appreciate him from the bottom of my heart. most of the time i wonder if im doing and if im being enough for him. i worry about that alot but he’s so patient with me. i laugh alot when im with him and i feel so happy.

did i mention that we are long distance? him being in la and me in sacramento. so the only thing thats connecting us is facetime. maybe once every two months will i see him in person but yep. when i had my first panic attack, i really wanted him right next to me. at that moment i felt even more sad because of course you’re gonna want you’re significant other during a moment like that. but anyways, i always miss him and i always want him next to me and i always love him. i want to hurry up and get my education done with so i can be with him. not to sound like omg im so madly infatuated with him type of thing tho. he’s someone who understands me and knows how to love me.

i hope 2020 treats me well despite all the challenges ahead of me.

#phew #old mutuals im on twtr! keep in contact with me there!

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kadywicker · 5 years

Text

endgame Thots spoilers ahead...................................

.......................

..............................

so honestly i think the quote that best sums this up is thor’s quote about stopping trying to be what’s expected and just being who he is. i’m aware that characters are written and ultimately the writer controls what happens BUT i think that perfectly sums up the difference between character arcs & in character actions.

everyone is complaining about thor and steves arcs and it’s like..... arc wise yes thor shouldve been king & steve shouldve acclimated to the future. but arcs are ALSO written and most of the time characters are forced into situations and it’s a completed character arc bc it rhymes/it’s poetic/it completes a cycle. BUT that is not the same thing as a character doing something in character. steve WANTED to go back and live with peggy. thor WANTED to explore the universe away from duty. maybe they didnt complete specific arcs that everyone expected but... they’re being who they are. in contrast to that you have tony who WANTED to stay with his family but chose to sacrifice himself & this completed his character arc beautifully. but those two kinds of ends for characters are not at odds with each other and one is not automatically bad writing bc the other one exists.

that being SAID here’s some more general thoughts

thors appearance was p bad im gonna be honest that was like. the one uncomfortable thing to watch

i literally sat there bawling and hiccuping when tony died like..... im an iron man stan now and im so fucking sad what the FUCK

the whole theater lost their collective minds when carol showed up & then at the end when t’challa showed up which just shows you where everyone is

but the MOST applause was when steve used the hammer. my hands hurt from clapping. everyone was screaming.

whats the deal w peter??? like he went back to school & in homecoming all his old classmates are there like did his entire class get snapped fhasdfsdf

a bitch was crying about scott and cassie what the fuck

MORGAN????????????

FUCKING MORGAN OH MY GOD THAT POOR SWEET BABY. SHE WAS SO CUTE AND ILOVE HE R RR R AND TONY IS SUCH A GOOD DAD? HELLO?

the scene where all the mcu ladies go to beat up thanos healed my gay heart and idc if its pandering i want it

HOWEVER the promised gay rep was THE stupidest thing ive ever seen in my life like i get that disney sucks but dont promise smth amazing and build it up and then have it be some random fucking man at a group therapy session

loki................... he just straight up left hfasdofsfd is he okay out there

VALKYRIE GOD I AM. SO FUCKING GAY YOU GUYS. HER HAIR? MAAM???

also im a bit confused on the time travel thing? they said it wouldnt affect their present if they went to the past & established that its different timelines. but then.... how did steve end up old in the future? i mean this isnt a major gripe though ANY show dealing w time travel literally always has time travel plot holes so if i see u guys saying this means its bad writing im gonna lose my mind. time travel is impossible for a reason (unless its to the future but even then its bc of time dilation) and its gonna end up w plot holes when ur trying to write a show w it

am i the only one that got the “blue meanie” reference? tony said it about nebula and my obscure knowledge from being a misguided 12 year old obsessed w the beatles. came in handy. blue meanies were the villains in the beatles movie yellow submarine. theyre these motherfuckers.

I LOVE YOU 3000...............

i never cared abt clint or natasha but wow that shit hurted

literally the entire funeral scene was the worst thing that ever happened to me i sat there sobbing so hard my throat started hurting

i am iron man...................... u sure fucking are man :(

SAM. GOT. THE SHIELD. SAMS CAPTAIN AMERICA BITCHES WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUCK HELLO????? IM SO HAPPY. I WAS HOPING FOR THAT

bucky looked pretty for his 3 seconds of screentime

im as much of a st*cky fan as anyone else but did you guys truly think disney was gonna do that like....... if u think the movie sucks and is bad writing bc ur ship isnt canon u r gonna have a real bad time watching just about anything. i get being upset abt queerbaiting bc there was a bit of that wrt cast interviews and writer interviews but in the actual movies like...... it wasnt gonna happen idk what u guys expected :/

also fanfiction still exists u cant let canon stop u from having ur own imagination like u can literally write WHATEVER u want. half the fandom still writes 2012 avengers fics where they all live in the same tower. its fine. its okay. the actual movies arent the be all end all u can choose ur own adventure

HE WENT FOR THE HEAD

tony & peter hugging was so much for me and im so fucking sad right now yall. and peter telling him goodbye. ouch! he looked up to tony even if that was misguided at times

also i didnt care abt tony and pepper either and here i am. caring. endgame truly just made me Care.

gamora is BACK & her being her past self and missing is just fodder for quill/gamora fanfiction i cannot WAIT to see the next guardians movie and watch them fall in love again.

i love nebula so goddamn much what the fuck. daughter.

i personally dont care for steve/peggy and in my own personal headcanons and preferences im gonna do away w that whole...... thing bc i dont personally like it but it still isnt really bad writing imo & guys hes been in love w peggy from the start that cant be shocking now

SAMBUCKY RISE...........

on your LEFT everyone also lost their minds on that one i think thats when they started losing it and then when tchalla showed up the screams went even louder and i think everyone was just screaming for 2 minutes

i know i already said it but I LOVE YOU 3000. FUUUUCK ME

pepper as iron man was sooo fucking good she better take up the mantle like ooooh fuck. oh my god. that was amazing and i love her sm

okay okay i think that sums it up im done now but anyway endgame is good & most of the ppl complaining are just the type of ppl that like to Hate Absolutely Everything bc its edgy and cool to be like that. go see it. form ur own opinion. dont feel obligated to follow the masses (at least on tumblr. everyone else seems to love it lmfao but theyre not pressured by this website to act like everything is Bad and Terrible) & be bitter about it. like what you like and take out what you dont like it is That Simple. its a good movie

#endgame spoilers #avengers spoilers #a4 spoilers #avengers endgame spoilers #tagging every spoiler tag ive seen and can think of so no one gets fucked bc this is a lot

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tinypigeonlord · 5 years

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Was reading about how American school systems are ridiculous and will expell you for the dumbest most unreasonable shit and that’s just how America is. But tbh it’s not just American schools which are like this? Throughout my time on a highschool in the Netherlands, I have experienced plenty of dumb shit and I have a mighty need to rant. SO! To name just a few examples:

• I once injured my right hand during school volleyball, which is my dominant hand. It was badly swollen, bruised and taped in, so I had to write with left. My handwriting was barely readable at the time, and soon enough I was approached by my teacher, who was pissed. He accused me of bullying and mocking him specifically, because he was a left-handed kid in school and had been forced to write with his right hand because at the time writing left handed was ‘wrong’, leading to a lot of bullying for him. I didn’t even know this, and had to show him my messed up hand to prevent getting expelled.

• I dealt with a lot of bullies in school, and teachers did jack shit to stop them because I had no evidence, and ‘if two people have issues, then both did something to cause it’. So basically I was accused of provoking the bullying somehow. To deal with the frustration, one day I made a crude doodle of a chimpanzee, drew an arrow to it and wrote the name of one of my bullies next to it. Said bully went through my bag at some point, stole my notebook from me and showed the teacher that doodle. I was forced to apologize to the bully and shake his hand, otherwise they had no choice but to expel me. The bully did not face any consequences for going through my belongings and stealing my stuff. Nor did he have to apologize for provoking me into drawing that doodle.

• One day my teacher caught me doodling something in a corner of my workbook while she was explaining things I already understood, and so she confiscated the workbook to make me listen. Next it was time to do homework assignments. I asked the teacher how I was supposed to do this, since she took my workbook. She kicked me out of the class for sassing her and I got detention.

• I was also kicked out of class once for being unable to find my books in time. This was at the beginning of a new year and I didn’t have a locker yet. We had 9 different subjects that day so my bag was filled to the brim with big books, and it took me a bit to find the correct book. The teacher assumed I had just forgotten the book and we have this rule here that if you forget your stuff, you get thrown out of the class. I did find the book and showed her that I had it, but by that time I was too late and had already ‘disrupted class’, which was another reason to kick me out and write me up for detention.

• One time when I was on my period, I asked to use the bathroom when class had only just started. The teacher told me to wait until class ended, and I really couldn’t wait that long, so in my frustration I said to him in a hushed voice: “Sir, I will paint this chair red with my blood if you don’t let me go...” I could go after that, but I was also told I shouldn’t come back in class and just stay out then. + Detention.

• This didn’t happen to me, but one of my teachers haaaaated one of my classmates because she argued against his opinions a lot. So he would kick her out of the class for the most unreasonable things. He caught her looking outside the window for a moment, for example, and told her that if she was not interested in his teachings she should just leave the room. When she told him he was being unreasonable and that she had been listening, he did kick her out. Another time, she opened her mouth to yawn, and the teacher immediately yelled at her to not fucking dare to argue against him again. She stood up for herself and said she only had to yawn, so he yelled at her for disrupting class.

This same teacher even kicked out our entire class once. We all got fed up with him shitting on this one classmate for BS reasons, so we opened our mouths against him as well. Everyone, even those who just glared at the teacher without saying anything, got thrown out of class and written up for detention.

• I had to write a formal apology to a teacher once. Basically, I had been sick for a while and forced to stay home, and immediately on the day I returned to school, I had to do a math test without having had the chance to prepare. I explained the situation to the teacher, who literally told me in my face: Tough luck, shouldn’t have skipped school, I’m not making exceptions for you. I replied: “we’re not done with this yet.” and he perceived it as a threat, and told the entire class what I had said to him, hoping that the class would chastise me for saying such a horrible thing. Instead the class clapped and cheered for me, and as a result I not only had to write that apology letter to him, but I also got thrown out of class for being a disruption.

This same teacher once gave me a 5.9 for a presentation. You have to realize our grades range from 1 to 10, with 6 being kinda like a C. It’s the minimum required for a passing grade. Meaning he JUST failed me. The class argued against his decision and asked him why he didn’t just give me a 6, since I didn’t really give a bad presentation, it was just a very simple/basic one. It had no real faults or wrong things in it. He said he gave me a 5.9 ‘just because he felt like it’.

• I almost got expelled once for presumably having gotten into a fight. Holy shit, Pigeon Lord getting into a fight??? Yeah no, the only fighting I did was with a skeeter. I am allergic to mosquito bites and my legs were completely covered in bruises from a particularly aggressive skeeter. My classmates had seen the bruises and reported me to our mentor. They wouldn’t believe such bruises came from a flippin insect and I needed my mom to confirm that yeah my body does NOT like mosquito saliva.

• I got in trouble for being too thin basically. People complained when I wore tight and form-fitted clothes because I looked anorexic and it made them uncomfortable. When I wore loose clothes, people complained that I looked sloppy and like a hobo and that I needed to look presentable in a school setting. I couldn’t win, and was told to not show up at school until I could dress properly.

• Same with my face. I had a teacher complain to me that I always looked tired and sick because of my dark circles and acne. ( I actually was tired and sick 90% of the time tbh) and that I needed to fix that because she hated the looks I gave her.

• Speaking of being sick! My mentor wanted to fail me for the year and make me redo it, because she thought I was fake. Like, she accused me of faking everything to gain sympathy and told me that if it was up to her, I wouldn’t pass the year, even though I scored passing grades for all my classes. She couldn’t get it done, but she made the rest of my classes she taught VERY miserable. :’D

• Meanwhile my sister was her mentor’s black sheep, and her mentor did fail my sis and made her redo the year. Not even because my sister was sick a lot, but because her mentor despised my sister’s ‘attitude’ towards her. She thankfully didn’t get away with it: my sister’s new mentor that next year overruled her old mentor along with her other teachers, and she passed after all, but not after a serious fight that lasted for 3 months.

• I in the meantime was locked out of my final exams. I had been sick during an oral test date, and the school had claimed that I didn’t call in sick for the day. Nor had I shown any initiative to apologize for not being there when I was expected. (I didn’t get a chance. The splitsecond I arrived at school after being sick, I was called into the office and yelled at with no chance to defend myself) Therefore I was not allowed a re-do, and therefore I couldn’t do my final exams, because I didn’t complete all my tests. This actually went against the law; the school can’t deny me a re-do based these things. Mom requested the data from our phone company regardless, and had evidence that I did make a phonecall to the school on the date I was sick and missed the test, and that whoever had taken the phonecalls that day was lying. But the school still would not accept it. We had to hire a lawyer who threatened to take them to court for lying because of a personal vendetta against me, not to mention disregarding the law, before they let me re-do the test and my exams.

• The school actually threatened to call the police on my sister. She presumably had written on social media that she wanted someone to burn the school down, and she’d be eternally grateful for that. The school claimed they had screenshotted the post and wanted my mom and sis to immediately make a formal apology to them. Now here’s the kicker: When my mom asked to see the screenshot, it wasn’t even a screenshot of the website. It looked like someone had literally just opened a Word document and typed my sister’s first name + that sentence of her requesting the school to be burnt down. The school then claimed that the teacher who had spotted her post had lost the screenshot, but they had no reason to not trust a teacher. Mom shut them down by telling them: “My daughter’s social media account is set to private and it’s only visible to peers in her friendlist. She doesn’t even use her real name on this website. Meaning that your teacher has either been pretending to be one of her peers to gain access to her account, or they faked this entire message. Either way, I myself will press charges if you don’t get off her case immediately.” The school then claimed that they didn’t mean to cause any misunderstandings, and they didnt mean to threaten my mom and sis, they weren’t actually gonna call the police. HAH.

There are MANY more things that happened, but these events stuck with me and I’m still bitter 7 years later. So yeah I felt the need to tell the interwebs I guess.

#shutup pigeon lord #long long post so I Read More'd it #negativity and bitterness

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yuissamidare · 5 years

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@codes i think i may have put this on my artblog but... Here

i guess ill start w ichi bc i always forget about him somehow like i always come up short when im making lists and im like 'oh wait shit yeah that guy’ bc im stupid n i only think of fishing trio + choro. I’m an Idiot. idk i never thought too hard on ichi bc i so rarely think about him but he looks so high its really funny i said this on main but he looks like my friend when he decided to try a weed gummy bear then started babbling about hentai then watched to watch porn with me but got mad all the intro scenes are a billion years long and started ranting about the industry but now that i think about it he looks like someone who used to send me weird shit when he was high like bad pick up lines about body parts i wish i didnt have

and thats so funny that its Ichimatsu who looks like that but also proof that hes high. but anyway!! hes really cute and im mad hes boutta ruin my reputation for my complete and utter lack of care and interest in him no matter what im mad. my friend gwyn said 'Sp lubing us up for the fuckening that is the reason why Ichi is sad in present day’ im really curious at the change like if hes trying a fake it till you make it type thing bc really emotionally exhausted or if hes just genuinely having a good time or hes puttin on a front since like. nails who stand get hammered down right??? just gotta do your best n Never Relax n i can relate to all that. but uhhh old hcs i guess

in kun ichi was the most serious! really smart but just as bad w school as the rest of them apparently but!! yeah so id think that!! ichis that guy who participates in class discussion constantly and is always willing to debate the readings, but turns in sloppy papers with typos and no a coherency or stucture or anything. he’s A+ in participation but has an average of 60% on most of the written assignments with points knocked bc of lateness then more bc its A Mess. you could ask about the prompts for one of his papers, he could babble about his position on it complete with paragraphs and footnotes but like the day before its due hes playing rpgs and watching horror movies.

his classmates think hes so smart n so intimidating. the family knows hes a hot mess. the teachers tell him he has a lot of potential but they don’t think hes applying himself. all are right. also he doesnt cheat or let people cheat off of him since hes always been about rules and boundaries and Rightness n he n jyushi were the only ones who Minded Themselves in kun

uhh jyushi!! let me talk about schoolwork again bc yeah i love jyushi so so so so much and thinking of him in a school environment is so weird i thought about it a lot n i thought about it him in kun n san and Woah!! i really really love delinquent jyushi, bc when i saw that i was like 'huh! that fits actually!!’ i love that like him and choro flip flopped completely from what i thought. his school must be so cold theyre too cheap to afford heating in the winter and in summer the acs Blast. he was so Shy and quiet and he cried and he liked to sing so i always thought that when he participated in chorus festivals hes always like right in front!! he hums a lot in class and also moves around alot bc he actually like school and people like primary trio are the types that make friends often. i wasnt supposed to talk about this yet whoops.

unlike ichi who relatively neat despite everything but has shit notes, jyushis notes are amazing and understandable and utterly illegible.

theyre covered in doodles, arrows and lines leading every which way, different colors but not like color coded n theyre not in order by date, but he opens to a random page every time yet somehow always seems to know where to find each lesson. he writes footnotes and caveats and corrections and criticisms of the teachers and random thoughts and just smears ink everywhere. sometimes his notes are on a completely different subject. the notebook itself is a horrifying mess, the front and back covers both covered in drawings and designs and falling apart, random papers shoved between the pages, coming apart at the seams, covered in stains of unknown origin. assignments are full of emoticons and informal language, and they always manage to make his teachers feel like hes smarter than they are (most likely). he does his projects the minute theyre assigned, and is finished a minute later so can talk to his friends. he loved school.

sophie told me once about how she thought was Like That was bc one of his main concerns is that he thought he had nothing that made him Jyushi n in kun she said he might have been the one who was the most concerned about having a distinctive personality and i talked about how that sorta carried over san and how he always blended in bc of how gentle and soft and push-overy he was. he was actually the and most gullible and weakest in kun so i was like :0 when i saw that and intentionally did stuff like only carry 14 yen in his pockets to be quirky but it always sorta fell flat and he was still invisible so i was like hmmmmm. and i can see how he couldve toughened up and thinking of this now!! i love that. oh im so happy. this is so much better than i ever couldve imagined ever.

totty…. i do not think he was very popular or good at school. i think he’s very decent at schoolwork but he never put much effort into it. just copies whats on the board but if the class runs out of allotted lesson time n he couldnt finish his work he just didnt do it like cram schools a pain in the ass. if he put effort hed be a star student but he just craps out whatever since hes was the laziest!! oh but something i noticed was that him and jyushi would play together often since sometime he felt overwhelmed by karamatsu a lot. also hes the money thief and scammer its great kun todo is so good. he gets shy and flustered easy too!!

but uhh yeah!! depending on the day im always like 'zaimoku love each other so much they are best friends and the perfect other halves!!’ then im like 'these mofos hate each other what the fuck is this trainwreck’ did you see their shitty small talk in the horse episode. what was that. like they are genuinely trying to communicate and are pretty easy with each other but they have nothing to say. its like when youre having a boring day at school and theres nothing to talk about with an acquaintance so you just look at the walls and go 'have you ever noticed how stupid these posters are’ then you both start reading posters aloud but you both know its not that funny and youre just doing it to waste time but you still enjoy their company you just dont want silence. thats their relationship. and i think they are just very similar in very different ways and like. the key things that make them both similar and different and the same fuck them up (like suiriku!! theyre both really similar even if it doesn’t seem like it at first which is why their compatibility in the relationship chart was so low in s1, but i saw a lot of improvement in both of their behaviours and their communication and honestly. s2 was worth it for that sophie was so happy to see her faves get along) like sometimes when you look in the mirror all the things you see are the things you dont like about yourself instead of what makes you wonderful and unique. also i didnt mean to talk about this but i guess i am.

but yeah. totty is bitter n resentful at kara during hs n karas more confused and upset at tottys behaviour in their twenties n thats bc like i said. theyre dumb. karamatsu!! i think was actually pretty popular in highschool n had a good amount of friends - i genuinely think theatre kids are well liked bc i literally know everyone in my department and im friends w a good amount of people and im not even That extroverted. my actual extrovert friends know everyone in the school by name and everyone in my department is so nice even though theres a lot of bitchiness and drama its not as bad as w other humanities studies (jesus christ humanity students outside of theatre are a hot mess.)

uh yeah n that ultimately makes totty feel a bit… betrayed? karamatsu is his partner! theyre supposed to be there for eachother! kara’s the first one to branch out, get friends etc etc and todomatsus left behind bc hes always the one playimg follow the leader and he breaks out of that once they graduate - he grows up resenting karamatsu slightly though he still cares. but this time Hes the one cancelling plans to hang out with friends instead. my friend katie put it best when, in response to me telling them this, they sent me:

'kara: totty you have so many friends now. We barely see you anymore.

totty, applying chapstick: well, I learned it from the best.’

when i told them about it. but at the time gwyn and i were babbling about possibilities and different storylines and how theres a possiblity the movie might break down into three manageable plotlines n she gave zaimoku 'popularity’ and this was me throwing out ideas but honestly. Good. (aha, the end of this scenario ended up with todo throwing hands and shoulder checking someone outside a window and then getting removed from the premise n hanging with atsushi all night after) why am i on this. shit what happened here.

uhh but yeah totty is Def someone with learned behaviours rather than being a natural extrovert honestly just look at him hes an introverted mess masquerading as a decent human being and i know full well how people like that are bc some of them have been my best friends for years n seein the new hs promos solidifies that fact bc look at him. Crybaby. He is Miniscule. A Child.

then its 'delinquent who looks like an honour student’ choro. i never studied him until sophie started liking choro n since i love sophie i wanted to take an interest in him too. n i started to think very hard about him! then gwyn planted this in me n its taken root and im just never not gonna think its great. yall see his shitty gokudo impression what a bossy lil shit. he pulled a whip on kara once and it was mad funny but also Gwyns Big Evidence for him just being the absolute worst not like a casually skips class type but a Choro was a legit a bully and really mean n sabatoged other classmates to make him look like he was 100% That Bitch. maybe not him being Mean and cruel but just an asshole who bums around, is something i really like that one a lot its been one of my faves since gwyn n i started talking about it but i just!! have a ton of other things too!!

hes a lot like karamatsu in that theyre both stupid and weird and embarrassing and they put on airs but they also!! dont try!! they talk so big and such high goals n expectations and they dont do shit bc they have so much hubris but i always talk about them bc suiriku is sophies Beloved so ill like. Not. but he acts like he’s better than all of them n forces the role of the straight man on himself because he wants to be seen as the responible, level headed one even if hes just. So Much.

i think the movies calling back to how touchy feely and clingy he was in kun and adding on to how jyushis a delinquent and kara… Is Like That he’ll be around them the most bc jyushi might either be really protective or push him away and then they do something to mend their relationship later on or hell cling to kara and they just. grow apart. sticking to my hc until the end bitches. oh.

for choro… personally!! i thought hed be a slacker instead of a delinquent but not in the way totty slacked - totty was lazy n knew the work but didnt want to put in effort but choro just. Doesnt. choro has so much energy all the time and choro Can Not deal with school situations. bc like… you always hear people say that studying is meant to be done at the desk, silently, no distractions what so ever!! focus on notes and nothing else!! ise a highlighter but dont use it too much!! make your notes legible but you only have five minutes before the board gets erased!! review!!! look at your notes or youll die! take breaks bit dont take too long and honestly. listen. kun choro wouldnt be able to stand that shit and id think hed just think he was doing it The Wrong Way n he just wasnt meant to do it.

he doesnt like quiet classrooms!! he cant study like that and hell get distracted. he cant sit still n thats why totoko broke up w him in the beer ad and why hes just Everywhere in kun!! hes understimulated and its just Ugh! you know??? he’ll fidget w his pens until he breaks them or hum or tap his foot and annoy everyone or leave for the bathroom at least three times a class just to get up and move.

eventually he just. gives up even though hes super smart he like, stops caring bc if you dont care to understand material then you wont have to read and read and reread and rereread something to get it! classes just make everything uncomphrehensible and makes any idea he may have sublimate into nothing. but he can work on the trains and the buses! he needs something kenetic to get him moving and trains n shit always have enough going on to work with, just like with home!! chorochoro motherfuckers. he works much better moving forward, ironic as that is. he feels sorta set apart from every thing like hes behind some big plane of glass doing everything wrong and being all set apart from everything. eventually he takes to acting like a real fussy mom to avoid his own problems and help everyone else out even though hes annoying and even when he graduates but it gets Worse bc then figures out how much!!! he fucked up!! then he kicks himself into high gear n still cant do shit. ahh.

its illegal for me to talk about choukei bc i talk about them so much and im always being annoying n typing stupid essays about them bc theyre… my faves.. But this is so long…

it actually makes me super happy that he kara acne he still can be really fighty and he cries and he still does stupid impulsive shit for others and even though hes really sweet and caring is still an utter monster and fucking mess of a person. love him. i always like to think his shittymatsu nickname came from iyami n it just morphed from there bc in 66 you can hear iyami calling him specifically garbage. ive always been glad they kept his sewing hobby too. ahh, actually from what i see hes pretty similarities to kun so i wonder when he decided to air out that teremity. idk what to say about him that i havent in tottys section. he just Feels like someone who had a good support group and nice friends bc of how hes able to move in the world. kara feels like some whos doing their growing up in their twenties bc highschool came easy to them and now theyre just really struggling with the real world. like i shouldve expected softboy hs kara and i appreciate him very much!! i talk about choukei a lot bc they were the first characters that spoke so i immediately attached myself to them n i talk about karamatsu Specifically but im not sure i ever mentioned how much i appreciated how smart and cautious hes proved himself to be time and time again, like how hes the only one to point out totokos fish shtick aint doing her favours or how he was the first one to notice osos irritation n how you can pick out his voice warning jyushi to calm down in the bg of 24 or how in the comedian episode he was ready to take Notes from iyami and a lot of other small things!!

i would think hes actually a bit more serious n calm in hs and san is him amping up traits that drew people to him in hs and it backfiring on kara spectacularly - kara is always gauging people and their reactions and acting in a way he believes will get something positive, but at the same time is utterly oblivious when it comes to actually Getting them n i talked about the girls on the bridge but this is also prevalent with ichi who kara just. Doesnt Get and can not figure out how to maneuver their relationship. like oso, kara is and elder brother!! and elder brothers have an image theyre supposed to uphold, but while kara acts the part he doesnt do the shit a big brother does and shrugs that responsibility off on oso until oso fucks up until s2, where they share the role more evenly and his relationship with ichi improves but this is another essay entirely. what im trying to get with that is that hyperfocus on what other people think of him, but his complete disregard when it comes to their actual reaction and instead what he wants their reactions to be would also greatly impact him transtioning from a teen to an adult im sorry im getting sloppy now

osomatsu… i really adore him too much and i understand how totty felt in their episode bc i also lent my phone to a friend who needed to desperately jack it before meeting new people n i talk about him a whole lot too. hes mean and an asshole and garbage n i know a lot of people find him plain n boring but idk. i dont think thats the case hes a really complexed n nuanced character n hes literally has always been way back from kun n thats expected from a main character but… hes always been mean n dumb n sly and he can get so pathetically vunerable and thats literally!! him. hes a normal dude nothing wrong with that n it can be real refreshing. n i suppose im so fond of fishing trio+choro bc they remind me of my friends. but yeah even if hes 'plain’ i dont see why thats a bad thing. n this they always have the most interesting body language like despite kara being So Much his body language was always closed off n singled him out as everything But exuberant and bright, and osos quirks like how he stands on his toes a lot had always been so cute… its relaxed and open n screams Talk To Me!!!!

ahh but i always end up thinking oso was. oso??? theres not much to say that i havent before but i do think that he was a lot more like he was in episode 2 when ranting to chibita about having shitty brothers and then actively Chose to be a good brother even if he wasnt a good person and be a stable rock and be someone they could all come back to at the end of the day. and hes good at math im never letting this die.

#now im sleepy fmxbfbc #mbbbaf #i didnt talk about oso much im ao tired

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prissypickle · 5 years

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I did it

One year ago today I finished highschool. One year ago today I finished the toughest journeys of all times. Highschool was probably one of the worst experiences of my life. There was so many people who ruined it but there was so many people who made it better for me. My freshman year I attempted suicide and was admitted to a mental hospital and and no school wanted to take me in. At the time Fir Ridge Campus didn’t take in freshman. So I had no choice but to drop out. David Douglas straight up told me that I couldnt go there. I had too many problems and They couldn’t give me an education. In spring of my freshman year I enrolled in an online school called metro east web academy. Of course with all my mental health issues I had no motivation to do any of it. In the end I only got one credit for it. And that was for creative writing. I’m with ICTS which is where people come outd to your house three times a week for therapy. So I was with them for six months. It was hard saying goodbye. But then I went yo seeing a therapist once a week. I was still cutting often. But back to my schooling, I didn’t do anything and my mom was so pissed at the david doglas school district because the refused to put me in a school and finally she wrote a three page nasty letter saying how I needed to be in a school and thats how I got to fir ridge.

My freshman year I was so scared. I couldn’t tell you how scared I was. I didn’t go to school. I was fucked up in the head, cutting and I didn’t know anyone. So I didn’t really talk to anyone on my first day. But within a few days I met a small group of friends that I could relate to. Which was great. The next best thing was that there was a school counselor and a therapist that came to the school. So on top of going to seeing a therapist once a week I went to see him once a week. He was from Trillium services. He was a great therapist. I saw him from 45 minutes to an hour. My school counselor was mamed Michael and he was probably the best counselor anyone could ask for. He understood me. When I needed my space he let me sit in the office or library and do my work. When I had my mental break downs he gave me a quiet space. He was amazing. I have terrible anxiety with loud noises and whenever we had a firedrill I would cry and have a panic attack when there was he warned me and brought me to the office telling me when so I wasnt as afraid. As I said. He was the best school counselor anyone could ask for.

I had this friend. Her name was Iris. I cared for her so so much she was my first friend I made in middle school and she went to a diffent school but she had problems at the time and so she was looking into my school and I was thrilled. But before ahe came she also had issues and so she went to a rehab place. I called her family every day to see how she was doing. I sent flowers and cards because well, wouldn’t a best friend do that? When she got out she started at Fir Ridge Campus a bit later. I was so happy we reunited again. We started having sleep overs and everything. Okay? But one time during a sleepover she stole her parents credit card and bought something, which was a peircing kit and I had no idea so she came to my house when it was delivered and took it before I was home. I’ll also mention around two years ago she stole my ipod. But anyway so this happened and it happened once more but with tea but ahe sent it to her house instead of mine. So her mom was like “you arent ever allowed to see her again” blaming me for her daughter peircing herself. That was the hardest thing for me to hear because she was my best friend. Or so I thought she was. I believe this was all happening during my Junior year or late sophomore I cant remember it was so hectic. Ill come back to this bitch a little bit later.

But my Junior year I did this amazing thing called camp pheniox. That was the second the best and worst part of highschool. Its a two day overnight camp plus 4 weeks of after care. During the two nights you broke yourself down talking about the horrible things in life and at the end you are rebuilding yourself and raising up into a pheniox. During the process you did multiple activites which were happy, sad and heartbreaking realizing how fucked up and broken you were on the inside. One of the days you clumb a tree and tell everyone what you committ to. And I said I committ to my family and my support system. And then you had to walk on a tightrope with another person and jump when you couldnt do it anymore. And the other classmates are completely in control of the rope and your harness. Then the second activity we did was get in a harness and go up and your classmates pull you up until you say stop. Basically a gaiant swing okay. So I was letting go past teachers which I will get on explaining to more. And then letting in good teachers and then you yank it and I did a 90 foot free fall and holy shit was that fun. As i said it was the best and wors part of it because i landed up in teen intensive outpatient because I was cutting and I was extremely depressed.

But back to the teacher thing. There was a history teacher her name was Karen and she was a bitch to me. She hated me. And She KNEW i struggled with anxiety and she KNEW that I hated being with loud people and so I always needed to go to the office to see a counselor and I always finished up my work at home. And finally she was like you have to go to detention to finish this. And so Im in the office complete sobbing and my council waves it off. And other time with her was when my counselor talked to her about it she didnt talk to me for 3 DAYS like seriously she was so immature. Then When I came back from thr weekend she didnt call on anyone else but me. Then at the end of the week there was a new seating chart and I came in late because I was talking yo the trillium therapist okay and she shows me my seat and Im calm and I say no. And shes like yes. And I calmly explain to her why I cant go sit next to him because be gave me anxiety. And then she PROCEEDS to yell at me infront of the whole class who is now stairing at me and Im completely crying now infront of the class go to the principals office to fucking write me a refferl because i was arguing with her. Which the princapal immediately threw it out. The princapal at the time was absolutely amazing. She took me out on the track as I cried and walked with me.

So my junior year is happening and I went to camp pheniox and outdoor school it was great okay. So I went to outdoor school for my third session and I broke my ankle and had to stay home for a week and you remember this Iris girl who is my best friend??? Well not anymore. When I was away at outdoor school where I couldn’t DEFEND myself she went to the counselor and said. That I raped her and drugged her with majauana. And In like balling my eyes out because Im so fucking confused and why she did that. And so the counselor literally asked if I did it and Im like what the fuck do you really think I did it. And Im like crying at her because Im so upset. Like who in the right mind would accuse someone of rape. I mean I work with children. I was a swim instructor at the time. If she went to the police I could’ve been arrested and fired from my job which she didnt go because she knew she was a lying skank ass bitch. Also they couldve drug tested me because I wasnt even smoking at the time! And so Im in the office and my counselor is like “what are you feeling?” And I littlerly upfront say” I want to punch this bitch in the face,” she she looked at me “you cant do that” and Im like “no shit I cant do it. I want to but tgat doesnt mean I am going to.” And she sighs like after and hour of fuming she tells me Im not allowed to tell ANYONE and Im like fine whatever.

But I go to my momma jill and tell her and I like an crying to her and shes just holding me. But seriously then the vice principal calls me in during third period to talk more about what happened ALSO i had a freaking alliby because I was at fucking teen Intensive outpaitent during the time she accused me! Basically it was a whole clusterfuck

. It got 100% worse when there was an assembly and youll never guess who was running it the skank ass Iris. So she started talking about rape. And then she says “someone here raped me” and then she looked over at me. I kid you not. And my dad was there and he stood up and I cant remember exactly what he said but it was along the lines of “you shouldnt accuse anyone of rape either,” he said or something like that Im to busy crying and my teacher holding my hand. Finally my dad comes over to me and says were leaving. So my worst fear now the whole school knows that Iris accused me of rape and drugging her. So im literally in the gym having the WORST mental breakdown of my life and I mean screaming at the too of my lungs dropping to the knees hitting the floor. There was the security guy and Joey one of the teachers along with the princapal and vice principal trying to calm me down. And my dads crying because hes upset because of what Iris had said. And they told me to stay home for a few days until I could calm down.

So I came bac the following monday. I was so depressed I wanted to die. I almost had another suicide attempt but I thought about Taylor Swift and how I would never get t meet her and that just made me hold onto life just a little bit longer. So by the end of the year it was time for prom and so I was nominated for.... you guessed it prom court equivalent to prom princess/prince and can you guesd who was nominated too? That bitch Iris. So we were BOTH up against each other and trust me I was NOT going to let her win. So I baked my ass off and probably made over 200 cupcakes and fed them to the entire school and when I was time for prom. I won. I won prom princess. That was the best night of my entire life. My entire highschool carrer I felt normal. Everything was perfect

. Soon my Junior year ended. And summer came and went and my Senior yesr started. I only needed 1 credit to graduate .5 government .5 global studies. So I took government first which I got like knocked down a ton because i refused to do presentations because i hate speaking infront of a class but I still passed with a A. Then global studies I REFUSED to take with Karen again. So I did 5 at least 250 page packets in one quarter. And I still graduated early two quarters early. I started school my sophomore year because they didnt count it as a freshman and ended my senior year. I worked my ass off. And I graduated in 2 1/2 years. I graduated. I did it. I made it. Evern after a suicide attempt. Witnessing my mom attempt suicide my sophmore year, Iris accusing me of rape. All of that and I still graduated and I was second in class too. I’ve never been more proud of myself in my entire life. I didnt think id ever make it here. I thought in 2014 I was going to die. But I didnt. I’m still here. Alive and succeeding in life. Im a caregiver now. I’m getting my CNA in July. I made it. I did it.

#little #babygirl #little space #baby #little girl #little one #age regression #princess #daddy #mommy #my story #graduation #class of 2018 #highschool #high school

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incorrect-ace · 5 years

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📒 📲 🐇 (yes it's me being hella late on this ask games pls have mercy) ♡

Hello pretty prince David. Okay Ill do this...its okaay to be late XD :DDDDD

📒- For a secret journal/diary they keep (Bonus: Share an entry from it!)

So I had a diary back when I was 10yrs old but it was so cringe so I burned it lol. Literally BURNED IT. FOR REAL!! At least the burning part felt fun?? :3

But I did have an old online secret journal I wrote in when I was stressed sometimes or got ideas. But that is a very weird entry, and it is really just made for myself. It was a way to put my thoughts down in words and try to work on character development. It went great because now I am very proud of who I am as a person....But i really have no idea how this will be for anyone else reading it XD. But Yeah I can share something here with you from that one. Im currently trying to crack the passward for it...lol but I seem to have forgotten it...so Ill press “forgot password” and open it...

Okay here it is:

Can you really say you are a good person if you are not proud of your own development?

-As a friend; be loving, be caring, be encouraging and be motivating to others. When leaving an interaction with someone i want them to be happier than they were beforehand. Make them feel important! They are existent! Listen to their goals and encourage, smile!! SMILE SMILE!!. -As a worker; "try your absolute best and leave the rest upto god", when doing so...there will be a sense of relief after living after that moto. The responsibility and the destiny of everything is ultimately not in your own hands. - As a mindset; I can be sad and depressed about the situation i am in now. But that aint gonna make anything come faster for me. Pray and work to better yaself. Patiently wait for the specific time and date God has planned for events to happen.-As a daily routine; Deticate your everyday to ONE thing!! One task everyday! One goal to accomplish everyday! That way, you will be feeling like you are making progress and not reaching the "lazy slum" even if it is ONE thing. As a daily routine; "Im bored" DOES NOT EXIST FOR YOU ANYMORE SARA!...I cant believe that there is nothing in this whole life you cant be doing right now? DO SHITS!-As an identity holder; Will you hide a part of yourself to fit in? If you put anything to the side for something in this life, then essentually you are puttin that thing infront of that part of yourself. (who cares if society hates u...as long as you r proud of you)

Hahahha...yee this one was the best thing I could find to post, some other stuff is too personal for so many people to see publicly. And it will prbly also bring down a lot of people’s mood. SO yeee ^^

📲- Talk about someone/something you dislike, but only pretend to like

Im sure you want to read drama...bcz u r obvious david, so here I go: Haha okay “someone I pretend to like” is one of my old classmates from middle school. This will sound like such a classic bish ass story, so if you dont want to read this cringe you are free to skip this.

I changed into a new school during 8th grade and essentially became the smartest kid in the class. Which made the “former” smartest kid in the class pissed af. Bcz that bish had the biggest pride in the entire face of earth. And that person was very close to getting me kicked out of school because they made false accusations towards me and faked evidence. They also treated me like shit and continued to put me down everytime I accomplished something (example: during that time I won a lot of smart-kid-national-competitions) but I always answered with the biggest smile and thank you and acted as if I didnt understand their sarcasm for being toxic. I dunno that person is very close friends with a lot of my current friends. And Ive always said “I dont care if you are friends with them, but I will plainly say I dont want anything to do with them and dont put us in the same events if you ever plan something”. But infront of them I can still greet them and talk for like 5mins if I meet them...but I still hate them. Im just tired of fighting them (since that ended up being a lot of principal meetings bcz of their false accusations towards me that nearly got me kicked out of school). So less drama is the solution. That person is the type of toxic person that wont talk to you unless they are getting something from doing so. If its a false sense of “popularity” or help with a school project..or whatever. egoistic bastard. And apperently Im not the only one who avoids them sooooo.....ye??

🐇- For a secret item they keep (stuffed animal, comfort object, etc)

I only have one secret item, and it is my receipt for registrating to become a monthly donor for international aid in warzones/poverty...etc. I really want to do it for my own sense of sincerety and thus dont want anyone to find it and how much i donate...so thats that?

Make me spill some yummy secrets

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