#but padfoot is a warm comforting weight agains this side and he just lets him be. it’s grounding.

[padfootastic]

please say more about jilypad + diverging parenting styles... perhaps even a possible scenario >:) i imagine harry has very cunning tactics for using this to his advantage

helloooooo <3 thank u for this ask bc i love talking about these three and harry. i went looking thru the archives to find this post; my first foray into this side, and really, i’ve never looked back after that.

so i’ve talked ab this a bit before but i fully think that james was a very overprotective ‘mother hen’ type parent. i tend to read his behaviour in lily’s bday letter to sirius as being scared of his child on a broomstick and i fully, fully think he’ll never be able to let go of that as harry grows up. he’ll be anxious and suspicious and paranoid, and his first instant will always be to wrap harry up in cotton wool and hide him away. (i low-key connect this to his childhood as well; going from being spoiled and sheltered to dropped in the middle of a war, black & white thinking, living in extremes etc etc makes it v hard for him to be Normal about his child. as he shouldn’t be, really, but yeah) that’s why he thrives during the initial years; he never minds the hard parts of being a new parent, loves it in fact, and it makes it better that he can keep harry close to him at all times w/o coming off as a helicopter parent (not that the notion bothers him ofc).

it’s good, then, that he has two partners to even the scales, no? i think lily was the most…balanced out of the three. she had a relatively normal childhood, grew up in a working class family/neighbourhood and had to deal w adversity from a young age so she’s developed a nice, thick skin. she also has a sibling with whom she has a v rocky relationship so she knows that kids are, ykno, a bit unhinged. and a little bit of hardship is not a problem. i hc her as needing time to get used to parenthood, unlike james who stepped into it natural as breathing, or even sirius who loved harry on much on first sight that it made up for everything else. ofc lily loved her son, but it didn’t come w the same blinding intensity of her partners and made her feel really shitty in the beginning. but, i think she’d shine during his teen years actually, because she’s not overbearing or intense and becomes the quiet, calm strength that a hormonal, spotty teen boy would probably need.

and sirius <3 our poor baby falls in love with harry, perhaps even more quickly than james, with such startling speed that it shakes his entire foundation. he doesn’t regret it but he’s constantly discombobulated. i also imagine that…it takes him longer to settle into the role of parent, esp bc he’s not biologically one ykno? not like it matters to anyone, ofc, but it takes him a long time to truly accept his authority and place, to believe that he has just as much right as j&l to be there, to parent harry. this has the consequence of him always being more indulgent than the other two; after all, he considered himself a godfather before a parent and a lot of that thinking stayed. he lets harry get away with stuff the others might not (and the little mf figures this out later); some of it also comes from sirius seeing so much shit, and facing so much shit himself, that he rationalises a lot of stuff as ‘well, this isn’t the worst it can be, so what’s the harm’ (because his life has been such a roller coaster that he’s forgotten that not everyone’s like that, if that makes sense?)

its obviously not this clear cut but i imagine harry looks at it like this: if he needs unconditional love, he goes to james; rationality and logic, lily; acceptance and calm, sirius. when someone has to be beat up for hurting harry, james steps in. if he needs help burying a body, it’s sirius. dealing with some asshole boss/teacher/classmate’s mother who’s making harry’s life hell? lily. i can keep going but,,,u get the idea, right? this makes sense, i hope lol

i actually think harry’s first birthday is a great example. sirius pushes the boundaries by gifting lil harry a broom; james loses his mind running after him; lily places an industrial sticking charm on harry’s butt, leans back with a glass of wine, and enjoys the show. even as he grows up, lily and james act as the disciplinarian, and sirius is the emotional outlet. all of them fill in each other’s cracks so well, and it’s only when harry grows up that he realises how effortlessly they worked off each other to parent him.

also oh man o man. harry being cunning is,,,,,see, i’ve not considered it this far but it makes perfect sense. i think canon harry actually had so much manipulative energy and it’s often overlooked for his goofier traits but! this is the same dude who used his dead parents to trick slughorn into revealing sensitive info! imagine if that could be channelled into his jilypad interactions 😈

it’s like, it takes him a bit, because his three parents r so smooth, but once he realises that all of them have certain weak spots, he does NOT hesitate to exploit them. (it has the unintended consequence of truly strengthening the jilypad relationship into an unbreakable one bc one thing their kid taught them is to have ironclad communication going at all times so nothing they’ve said, or not said, is used against them). so like, he knows if he wants to sneak out to a party, it has to be sirius and in a specific way—‘i’ll be totally safe, papa, plus i really wanna see what it’s like and idk when it’ll get a chance to again’. if he widens his eyes to pitiful levels, pouts a little, and blinks faster than usual, then james is putty in his arms as long as he’s separated from the other two. divide and conquer becomes the main tool in harry’s arsenal, actually. lily’s the toughest nut to crack, purely bc she doesn’t run on emotions or irreverence, but harry soon learns that if he comes up with a solid, logical case that proves his argument has unbiased merit then he has a good chance of getting her to say yes. (this is good, bc u can arrange words in the correct order, but u can’t always control emotions)

so overall yeah, you’d think one kid + 3 parents would be an easy bet, but harry keeps them on their toes all the fkn time.

#sirius black #james potter #lily evans #jilypad #harry potter #i knew before i even started this that it would be ridiculously long lmao #i just cannot bring myself to shut up #wrt lily and harry’s baby years #i feel v v strongly ab motherhood not coming naturally to her #and becoming a very sore point for her. bc she sees james and sirius and she keeps blaming herself for being an unfeeling robot #when she’s not. she just thinks more logically than them and doesn’t feel as strongly. that doesn’t make her a bad mother #and no matter what j & s say a small part of always thinks like that. until the teen years. and suddenly the dynamics r reversed #bruh i think i need help it’s not even funny how not hinged i am for this trio lmao #there also! padfoot! #a while ago i wrote a lil thing. but i fully believe that whenever harry was emotionally distraught he’d actually go to padfoot #bc he needed someone to just. sit. and be there. while he’s processed emotions #and lily would be too ruthlessly logical and james would be fretting and trying to fix it and sirius would panic. just a little. #but padfoot is a warm comforting weight agains this side and he just lets him be. it’s grounding. #so harry always. without fail. does that #it’s actually 3.5 parents lmao #i do wonder what their parenting fights would about if any. hmmmm. my glasses are too rose tinted for me to consider it #a thought for another day #anyway. hope this endless rambling made sense! and that u liked it! #would love to hear ur thoughts too <3 #pen’s notes #pen’s asks

[spiltscribbles]

Ahh I've always wanted to send a prompt. How about “Whoa. Easy, easy. I’ve got you.” with some sleep intimacy. Can I just say I love you and your writing.

~Notes: 😭😭 OH KY GOD SUGAR!!! You are so beyond adorable! I love you to pieces! And I do not deserve such kindness💜😘😘 So I at first read this as sleek Becs i am an idiot... so honestly this is 4700 words of pure smut😳😌😌 but uts early morning so it’s stilly sleepy intimacy kvdjhj Thank you for the prompt! But if smut isn’t your jam plz lmk and I’ll write you something else😣😣😘💜

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If asked to choose his favorite feature of Remus’s, Sirius reckons he’d have a difficult time with it, like to a ridiculous degree. It could easily be the dimple that shows up right on the apple of his cheek when he sports that glowing, reluctantly amused smile that only appears after Sirius or James have hexed a Slytherin prat right in front of him, and not even his Prefect sensibilities prove strong enough to scold them for it. Or maybe it’s the splatter of freckles that dance on the tops of his shoulders and the bridge of his nose right after summer hols, and he looks gloriously golden and it’s all Sirius can do not to kiss each one right in front of all the wizards congregated in nine and three quarters. Or maybe it’s simply the way he gnaws on his bottom lip whenever he’s thinking particularly hard on a subject— a habit usually reserved for potions lessons and when it’s a late night in the library and they’re both tucked away in a dark nook and Sirius has pushed Remus up against a bookshelf while stroking him in his trousers with intense precision. One corner of his mouth curled in challenge, dipping down to lick at that hollow on Remus’s long neck, tacitly reminding him that he best keep quiet lest Madam Pince has their heads on a couple of stakes she surely keeps beneath her desk for opportunities just like this.

Alright, if Sirius is being at all honest, it’s a frequently alternating list of all of Remus’s most splendid attributes, but at the moment, Sirius thinks there’s no question that in fact it’s Remus’s eyes that can ruin him with just a glance. His eyes that are a deep, vibrant green with flecks of amber that dance in their depths. Eyes that look like September, like the very start of their school term. Eyes that make Sirius think of the forest where Padfoot and Moony roam. Eyes that make Sirius think of fire lit common rooms and the taste of butterscotch on Remus’s lips, and such an overwhelming sensation of adoration that it could very well suffocate him if Sirius isn’t careful. It’s such a contrary color from the crisp and cool shades of emerald that accent the regality of 12 Grimmauld Place. Remus’s eyes are something warm and wonderful and where Sirius would gladly choose to get lost inside of for the next eon to come— Most especially if it’s a moment like this, with one of his hands knotted in Remus’s hair while the other one is busy thumbing small circles into his bare stomach. Where Remus is enthusiastically kissing Sirius back— fervent and famished and so fucking gorgeous— His arms loosely tangled around Sirius’s neck from where he’s lying beneath him, long legs bracketed on either side of Sirius’s narrow waist, and yeah, Sirius has always had three inches and two stone on Remus, but he often forgets that Remus’s lithe stature isn’t just for show— he’s got discrete strength beyond a normal wizard, and he chooses to fall under Sirius. Chooses Sirius who’s all hard edges and marble planes. He chooses Sirius simply on the merit that he’s him, and they’ve always been at least somewhat drawn to one another, even before either one of them really knew what it meant.

Sirius inwardly preens, presses more forcefully down against Remus and revels in the slight whimper Remus lets out just then, hands grappling Sirius’s broad shoulders just that bit tighter, keeping him close just that bit more desperately.

It’s remarkable.

The dormitory’s blessedly quiet this Saturday morning— James is off being a ponce on the quidditch field in preparations for their match against Slytherin in a couple weeks— the final one before they graduate and leave Hogwarts’ hallowed halls for the final time— And Peter had kindly buggered off after some not particularly well veiled threats waged by Sirius so he could get some alone time with his sodding boyfriend for Merlin’s sake. They have all morning to stay like this. Sirius can spend hours on end watching as the early light unspools in Remus’s hair— lacing into his curls and turning them a lovely tawny color— and he gets to revel in how Remus’s breath quickens every time Sirius bucks down and rubs their barely clad, already hard cocks against one another. And Sirius can whisper sweet nothings into Remus’s still sleep supple skin— sometimes filthy, and occasionally wicked, and always exultant— letting himself drown into the sounds that Remus moans out in turn, poetry if anyone were to ask him. And they don’t have to worry about nosey roommates or trying to keep quiet or staying inconspicuous from prying eyes that threaten to snatch this snapshot of bliss away from him.

If Sirius could stay in the slice of eternity for the rest of their days and beyond, he’d choose it every single time. And maybe that could be their future, their life after Hogwarts— far away from this looming war beginning to ravage their world as they know it, and divorced from the whispers of the Order that Dumbledore has created to fight against those barmy, blood crazed lunatics.

A future that’s normal and safe and glittering like the silvery film around their patronuses.

Remus would probably get a Muggle job, maybe in a University of some sort. Sirius always thought he’d make such a brilliant professor, make all the school kids mad with how he’s so brilliant and beautiful and compassionate. Sirius and James already know that they’ll both end up in the Ministry as Aurors, because of course that’s the job for a couple of dashing young lads such as themselves. He supposes by then Evans will have been convinced to stop the on again, off again nature of her relationship with dear Prongsie, but he knows that even if not she and Remus are as thick s thieves, she’ll never just let him get away from her friendship after graduation. So maybe she’ll come visit in their flat after her internship at St Mungo’s, and of course Pete is always terrified that if he doesn’t spend every waking minute with at least one of them that he’ll be forgotten, so he’d be there too. The five of them, bombastic and bright and babbling on a lazy weeknight with glasses of fire-whiskey and plates of take out and Remus perched securely into Sirius’s embrace, and everything being just as it should be. Something golden, something wonderful, something splendid.

But as he begins to nip at that point against Remus’s sharp collarbone that’s become his favorite through the duration of their nearly year and a half of dating, he wonders not for the first time if Remus has the same prospects— if he wants to spend countless mornings just like this and endless nights in a similar way, if he wants to pick up Sirius’s discarded socks and eat the dinners Sirius makes for them, if he wants to tumble so thoroughly with Sirius that they don’t even know where one begins and the other ends anymore. Sirius wonders if he wants any of that, or if Remus is planning to go back to Wales with his parents instead of taking up Sirius’s casually thrown around offers for him to stay in the London flat that Alphard had left Sirius along with the gold and the watch and all the expectations of doing better than the Black name has always meant.

And the possibility of that— the possibility of Remus not dreaming of the same forever as him— cuts Sirius to the quick, and he doesn’t let himself think about it, instead sits up on his forearms, so that he’s peering down at Remus now, and he cups the length of him over the cotton, squeezing to hear the melody of Remus’s gasp and grounds himself into the moment once more.

“You’re in a mood this morning,” Remus intones, more than a bit breathily while Sirius moves his hand to push beneath Remus’s pants from behind, cupping one of his cheeks for a good and proper squeeze.

“Mmm, careful, or else I’d think you don’t like this method of being woken up,” Sirius counters, feels himself preen at how Remus’s face dusts scarlet, though it doesn’t last long when Remus retaliates by tugging at his hair, beyond mulish looking at Sirius’s glee.

“You know, I do have to do some more research on that final paper for charms that Flitwick gave us,” he muses— the unrepentant tease.

“Are you sure of that,” Sirius asks, dipping back down to worry the skin of Remus’s earlobe between his teeth, while the pads of his fingers make a pedal soft trail to the cress of his arse, lighter than breath while he circles the small, tight entrance of him— just grazing around the hole with languid intent, occasionally dragging over the opening with a dry finger, never delving any deeper than that. And it gets it’s intended effect— namely, the balls of Remus’s heels pressing up against Sirius’s back, and him gasping out these guttural, maddening mewls as he tries to buck down, tries to finally get some penetration.

“Merlin, are you going to just tease me till those wankers get back, or will you finally fucking do something, Black.”

“I think I like keeping you on the edge, sweetheart.” Sirius retorts, punctuating the point with a small wiggle of the top of his pointer finger, the one now comfortably nestled inside of him.

“Absolute prat,” Remus fumes, though when he begins to try moving once more, Sirius stunts the action by lying his forearm against hiss lightly muscled stomach, pressing most of his weight there while he gives one final, goading push with his finger and drags his hand to instead rub against the expanse of Remus’s pale, thin thigh, wants to lap at the skin there but also doesn’t want Remus to win this little battle he’s waged— not yet at least.

“Well Maybe if you ask nicely?”

The twist of Remus’s features tells Sirius that he’s absolutely fuming, but also he won’t leave because he’s gagging for it just as much as him. “You’re the dog, if you don’t recall. Maybe I should make you beg to hump even my leg.”

“No need for such a wicked tongue, Moons,” Sirius sneers, hitches Remus’s legs higher on his waistline so that the head of his cock can graze at the concealed hole. “Just a please would suffice.”

Remus scoffs. “You’re mad.”

“I’m also very patient,” Sirius leers, begins thrusting only slightly, nudging at him and delighting in the flicker of emotions that flashes over Remus’s face— going from indignant to wanting to abashed and landing on a cool sort of resolve.

“Oi, if you’re all talk, I’m sure I can poke around in the library, see if Leon is still—“ The rest of Remus’s sentence is swallowed up by the frenzy of movement that clashes inharmoniously from one moment to the next. And suddenly Remus is lying flat on his front, with one of Sirius’s legs pressed unswervingly between his legs, an accioed bottle of lube in one of his hands while the other nearly tears Remus’s pants trying to drag them off.

“You’re such a little arse, Lupin.” He hisses, tossing the garnet to the side along with his own before he begins palming his prick with the Muggle lotion type substance Remus had brought along from after easter hols, when they had visited that brilliant little shop in Soho— and Sirius isn’t sure if he should be proud or simply smug at how it’s already emptied by half.

“You like how little my arse is, Black,” Remus retorts from where his head is now squeezed partially onto his pillow, punctuating the point with a small shake of his bum.

“Right, so that means I’d rather not think of the other plonkers who’ve seen it before I got my hands all over you,” Sirius snaps, not actually irritated— even if he hates the sight of Leon sodding Bennett more than anything else.

“It was just a joke,” Remus tells him, soft and sincere and away from that playful tone he was using from before.

“Yeah, you better have been,” Sirius says, but then dips down to kiss between Remus’s shoulder blades— to the left of where he’s got a hand spread across his back— just to assure him that he’s not actually upset.

“You’re brilliant you know. The best in every way, I hope you understand that,” Remus tells him, a bit quieter and a bit more reserved, in a voice that wavers only slightly with the nerves of the admission. “I’ve only ever been in love with you— And I know that it’s probably not the same, I know that you’ve had others and we’re only eighteen and—“

Sirius cuts him off with one single, quick smack against the width of his arse— an arse he can probably write a thousand sonnets and a million more odes about— and he returns to kneading at the muscle there. “Don’t be an idiot, Remus. You know I love you like mad, more than anything— you’re everything.”

“Oh. Oh, that’s good— Erm, I mean—“ Sirius can only see half of Remus’s face from this angle, and most of it is obscured by his curly fringe, but he can detect the pinkish flush feathering over his sharp cheekbone and the way he’s begun to gnaw on the end of his mouth, eyes half lit and hooded. And God, sometimes Sirius thinks that it’s the blind leading the blind with them as they dance along this precipice of the most precious thing either of them has ever held in their quivering grasps.

“Right convenient if you ask me,” Sirius says instead of something from the stream of soppy poetry he’s thinking about— the love sick lyrics dedicated to Remus and Remus alone. He doesn’t want to potentially fracture this single understanding that they’ve finally revealed to one another. Rather, Sirius scrapes another chunk of the slick, Muggle substance into his hand and cloaks himself completely before taking a bit of it against Remus’s arsehole, his insides melting like molasses once he feels the warmth of Remus cloaking him, the way Remus’s entrance is practically fluttering, practically trying to swallow Sirius whole.

“Oh, yeah— Just a bit more.”

“Shh, let me take care of you, Moony,” Sirius reproves with absolutely no heat, instead sounding more than a little horse as he adds another digit and watches as Remus expands beneath his touch, watches his long fingers being devoured by him— the bronze tan Sirius always sports during the warmer months melding into the pale patches of Remus that rarely sees sunlight— watches their jagged edges piecing together like a sacred tomb, and Sirius knows right then and there that he’d want to be lost in every facet of Remus for every eon to come, even when they’re nothing but cinders and ashes and wisps of starlight. He’d want this, he’d crave this. He’d always need this, need Remus in any way he’d take him.

“Oh— Sirius, please, right there.” Remus suddenly squawks, jolting forwards and grappling for either end of his fourposter’s wooden bars. “Pl— Please.”

Always beyond eager to watch his lover come undone, Sirius adds one final finger before crooking them inside of Remus, skimming the little nest of nerves found there, and repeating the action twice more before he hears Remus’s choked off demand, “Bloody hell, Sirius! Will you just give me what I want!”

“I thought you’d never ask, sweetheart.” Sirius absolutely beams, gingerly pulling out from his gaping and empty entrance so to lather himself one final time, kisses the freckle behind Remus’s left ear as he snakes a hand beneath his stomach to raise him up slightly. “Can you stay like this, baby.”

His arms still slightly shaking from when Sirius had been teasing his prostate, Remus nods resolutely, shuffling around so that he’s resting his chin on his forearms, and his back is arched so beautifully with his pert arse stretched back in an inviting fashion. “You just worry about making this last hour worth my time.”

Sirius sniffs, pats Remus’s behind with a tad bit more intensity than strictly needed. “You and that lip is gonna get the best of you one of these days, Moony.”

“Mmm, I’ll believe it when you actually begin proving as much,” Remus barbs, and God Sirius loves him so fucking much— feels his chest absolutely contract with the ferocity of it.

“Right, well, you just sit there, looking pretty. All right?” Sirius intones, cards a hand through Remus’s hair and tugs just slightly before letting go completely to adjust his position from behind him— both hands on either end of Remus’s waistline and his dick poking at his hole— and God the throbbing is becoming painful with how badly Sirius just wants to plunge inside, to fuck and pound and thrust into Remus until he hears his boyfriend— his partner— absolutely sing with pleasure. “You are beautiful, Remus, you know that, right? Know that I think you’re the most bloody gorgeous creature I’ve ever seen, that the scars just show how otherworldly you are?” Sirius emphasizes that final point by thumbing across the one skirting across the the side of his neck, stretching from the bottom of his ear and ending at the point of his collarbone. It’s the most prominent one, the only scar besides a scratch on his pinky that can’t be covered up by a trusty jumper or pair of corduroys. The one Remus is most sensitive about, and the one he probably hates nearly as much as the bite marring his inner thigh.

“Sirius, please. Just not now,” Remus implores, sounding like a blown out candle all of a sudden, and Sirius can’t have that. Doesn’t want him to feel anything close to shitty while they’re doing this, while he has him this way. So with an obedience he only has if Remus asks him for as much in his more cautious of cadences, Sirius clenches his jaw, and keeps the adoring words stuck to his teeth, and he distracts himself by finally moving forwards, and it’s like a blink of the eye wen suddenly everything around him goes hazy, feeling like a disillusionment charm has been cast with how everything feels intangible, floaty, feels unsubstantial in comparison to the hot, tight pressure of Remus wrapped around him, made all the more etherial by the sounds of Remus’s melodic moans and gorgeous gasps and the way he moves in tandem with Sirius, how he cants back to meet the electrical current of Sirius fucking into him.

And he isn’t sure who says what in the gargle of words being spilt between them, is pretty sure he’s saying something about how beautiful Remus always is for him and then Remus replying with something about Sirius giving more to him, giving him something harder, deeper, quicker, and then, somehow, Sirius has got both of remus’s wrists in his hand and he’s pressing them against the small of Remus’s back, and he’s slowing down, suddenly wants this to last so much longer, wants to keep Remus this pliant and open and uninhibited for him for just that bit more.

“Merlin, I love you,” he says, focussing on the sweat collecting into the divot of Remus’s pinched shoulder blades and leans down to lick over the spot. “So fucking much.”

“Me too, Sirius! Sirius, I love you too! Please don’t stop, please.” Remus begs, canting back and twitching his fingers, obviously needing some sort of friction, though Sirius doesn’t think he’ll give it to him quite yet.

“What if I do though?” He asks, affecting an innocent tone while he slowly pulls out of Remus, pushing inside with shallow thrusts now, giving him hardly more than his tip. “What if I keep you like this, wait to see how long it takes you to come off of this alone, untouched. Just by my cock teasing you like this?” Remus makes another, strangled sort of noise deep in his throat, and he shutters in a way that convinces Sirius he’s not completely opposed to the offer. “You’d like that, yeah? You’d like me holding you down like this and watching you absolutely go feral? Go unraveled beneath me? Hell, I bet you wouldn’t even mind if I kept you like this for the rest of the morning. If I fucked you stupid and didn’t let you come even then. Just plug you up with that naughty toy we got from that Muggle shop when you visited me over Easter in London. Trap my spunk inside and just keep you nice and open until I decide to give it to you once again— drag you to a bathroom stall or an empty cupboard and fuck you senseless. Bloody hell, Remus, you probably wouldn’t even last a minute, hmm?”

Remus stays quiet, doesn’t unclench that taught muscle in his jaw, but his pupils are blown and he’s completely flushed, and Sirius is so thankful he can read the smallest nuances of him, loves knowing how absolutely wrecked just the idea of that has gotten his beautiful Moony, the side of him that no one else could ever see. The side of him hidden by his aloof exterior and measured words when around others. No one else gets to see this hauntingly beautiful, desperate little thing he becomes under Sirius’s hand, how he’s strung to vivid colors by Sirius mumbling such wicked contemplations into the expanse of his warm, golden skin.

“Are you going to answer, love,” he asks, with a lecherous sort of grin, pounding into him with a lack of delicateness from before, only twice, only enough to get Remus writhing again. “Do you not want that?”

Remus squeaks as the top of his head grazes against the headboard from the impact, and he has to squeeze his eyes shut while his thin lips fall open. “I reckon— Erm, I reckon that would be all right. Just to try.”

“My lovely academic, has to give everything a go,” Sirius crows, returns to thrusting measuredly in and out of him, kisses the nape of his neck with soft reverence. “But you know, we wouldn’t have to sneak around like that in only a couple weeks. We’ll be graduated,” he twists his hips slightly and presses down a bit more viciously than the slow paces probably would’ve entailed, and Remus quite literally groans at the feeling of it. “I’ll have that bloody huge flat, and you could be there too. We could spend every morning like this, Moony my love. We could christen every sodding room on the first day alone, and then I’d make you some of that veggie curry you like and you can sit there with an ice pack on your bum after I’m done with you.”

“Oh— Hah, you think you’ve got that sort of stamina,” is all Remus manages out in response, his features going tight with hunger when Sirius retorts with a staccato of uneven thrusts inside of him, stopping only when he feels the release willing up his own body, doesn’t think he’s ready to end this conversation quite yet.

“With you in one of my T-shirts and nothing else?” Sirius asks, watches the way Remus’s toes quite literally curl when he slides inside his used hole once more, shaking Remus slightly with how he moves and thrusts and squeezes his wrists hard enough to bruise. “I bet I could get it up an infinite amount of times! THere will be studies invoked for the phenomena of my cock, Moony. Potions inspired that’d never work, because they could never get it right when I tell them it’s the sight of you waiting for me looking wide eyed and teasing— waiting to be debauched— that’s got me so erect. I’ll be a household name, you watch.”

“You— Oh, oh. Yes like that please Sirius just a little more— Hah, you’re a madman.”

Sirius leers, does as told and grabs forcefully against Remus’s biceps and pounds him flat on the mattress, fucking into him and thrills with all the different noises he’s dragging out of Remus, the way he can’t even form words amidst his groan. “Then you best stay with me, who knows what a madman could do all on his lonesome.”

Just because he’s always been a bit sadistic, Sirius stops his graceless rutting, lies nearly entirely against Remus instead, tugging on the back of his curls so that he’s got a better view of Remus’s gaze. “Wha— Oh, yes, fuck yes you plonker. Of course I want to move in with you, just wanted you to ask properly instead of beating round the bloody bush!”

Sirius feels his brows hike up, absolutely gleeful. “You wanton little slag, you just wanted me to use my manners, eh?”

Remus huffs, looking beyond grouchy. “Yes, yes, and obviously, like the contrary bastard you are, you decide to actually do as much when I’d rather you be beating inside of me., but thus is my fate being stuck in love with such a wanker.”

Sirius can’t help but cackle at the incredibly cross expression Remus has got painted over his features, and he pecks a path down his temple and down to the dip of his shoulder muscles in apology. “You know I’m not one for subtleties, Moony.”

“Humph, well how’s this for subtle. Will you just ruddy fuck me and keep this discussion on the back burner for afterwards?”

Always eager to please his boyfriend, Sirius gently presses him back down on the sheets and rises only enough so to continue the easy rhythm between them, only increased by one of his hands circling Remus’s blazingly scarlet cock, pushing him through the loop of his fingers every time Sirius rocks harshly into him, going speedier and speedier with every choked out plea coming from Remus.

“What about this for a wanker?” He asks snidely, snapping forwards especially roughly, and twisting remus’s prick only slightly in turn, knows how much he enjoys the contrast of that.

“Yes— Yes, yes, yes Sirius! Just keep going, please, love, please. God, I love you. Holy fuck.” 

And it’s not another thrust inside before Remus is spilling into Sirius’s palm and the contracted muscle pumps the orgasm out of Sirius himself.

“Fuck, you’re amazing,” Sirius groans in a voice that’s nearly completely faded, and totally pious, careful to move outside Remus’s overly sensitive hole, and still panting while he absentmindedly grabs for a spare vest. He mutters a labored aguamenti before he brings it to Remus’s behind and begins to dab gently at the skin there, smattered with lube and Sirius’s come and a good amount of wetness from his sweat.

“Oh,” Remus shakes, sucking in a breath and tensing at the sensation of the intrusion.

“Whoa. Easy, easy. I’ve got you,” Sirius assures him gingerly, tossing it to the corner when he’s finished, and can’t help but kiss the small dimples found right against the skin that cups over his arse.

“The, mmm. The house elves, Sirius. They don’t deserve that to deal with.”

Sirius only barely manages to hold back the roll of his eyes at Remus’s tendency not to understand how much those buggers enjoy any and all cleaning. Merlin, leave it too Moony to feel bad about something that someone wants to do for him. “I’ll grab it later, promise. Bin it o whatever.”

Remus only replies with a soft sound of consent, letting himself be gathered into Sirius’s arms properly, his head cradled against Sirius’s chest and Sirius’s arms wrapped around him while he kisses the crown of his tawny curls.

“You want a kip then?” Sirius asks amusedly, feeling his own eyelids beginning to droop.

“Hmm, yeah. That’d be nice. Then we can talk about that hideously orange breakfast table you’ve got in the flat. I bloody well won’t be living in any proximity of that monstrosity, Padfoot.”

Sirius can’t help the laughter that spills out, and he agrees to the conversation but demands that Remus call Winifred by name, lest she gets her feelings hurt.

“Madman,” Remus reiterates, completely fond as he dozes off, and when Sirius feels the breaths falling out of Remus’s lips even out, he thinks that them nestled into one another like this might be the only salvation he ever wants to know, the only sensation he could ever crave— The only sunlit snapshot he ever needs for the rest of his days.

#wolfstar #remus lupin #sirius black #siriusxremus #wolfstar fluff #remusxsirius #wolfstar smut #SPILT INK #You are such a sweetheart Nonny #ILU #!!!

[lovingremus]

Headcanon prompt from my Instagram: Padfoot cuddles <3

Remus was feeling miserable.

The January full moon was right around the corner. Remus had been bedridden since the afternoon, already feeling ill and tired. And he’d been fighting with Sirius.

It hadn’t been a serious fight (Remus hated himself for making that joke in his head,) just the usual: Sirius being protective, Remus being self-conscious, and the both of them being very stubborn.

Sirius had meant well, Remus knew. But how was he supposed to react, finding out his best friends had been working on becoming animagi for years now, the process nearly finished by now. Stupidly dangerous process, that was, extremely advanced magic, and illegal in too many ways to count.

And all of it a hundred per cent for him. Remus felt almost sick at the thought of it.

How could they be that reckless? Why hadn’t they asked him first? He still wouldn’t know, hadn’t James, of all people, slipped it at breakfast that morning.

Remus had begged them to stop, but Sirius would not let it go.

Hence the fight. Hence the cold spot on the bed beside Remus, where Sirius usually slept.

“Let us join you, Remus!” Sirius had shouted at his face. “Just once, and you’ll see! We’re going to make you feel better! And you’re not dangerous to animals, I’ve done all the research…”

Remus groaned, shaking the thoughts off his head. Merlin, did his head hurt. It wouldn’t get any easier for a few days now, no matter what Sirius said. He should sleep, he’d need all the rest he could get, preparing for tomorrow. He hoped Sirius had come to his senses by the morning. He couldn’t possibly think Remus would allow them to come… Sirius could get hurt… they all could. Or worse.

He heard pacing footsteps from behind the closed curtains around his bed. Remus closed his eyes, not thinking too much of it. All the Marauders were often restless on the days around the full moon. Remus thought it was kind of sweet, that they cared. He just wished they wouldn’t worry so much.

Remus quickly drifted to sleep. He didn’t notice how after a few minutes, the footsteps suddenly changed--becoming faster, lighter. He didn’t even notice his curtain being clumsily pulled aside.

He didn’t stir until at the feeling of warm breaths right beside his ear, accompanied by a heavy breathing sound, and the tingly feeling of someone looking at him.

Remus opened his eyes and jumped, almost falling off the bed. He cursed, clutching his chest and gasping at the surprising sight. “What the--”

He was staring right into Sirius’s big, grey eyes.

Now that alone wouldn’t have been odd at all. If those eyes just were attached to one handsome teenage boy, not a...

A range of emotions stirred up inside of him. From fear to confusion to excitement. He’d really done it. This was Sirius. And Sirius was…

A dog. An enormous, black dog. Remus could do nothing but stare.

“It… it actually worked?” Remus bit his tongue, and cleared his throat. “I mean… eh...  I told you not to do this!”

The dog… Sirius… had caught the admiration in his voice. It was remarkable, how similar the facial expressions could be between the dog and the human--Remus could effortlessly tell Sirius was feeling smug, that bastard.

Sirius barked loudly, the sound echoing in the small room. Remus’s heart skipped a beat.

“Shh!” Remus hissed, grabbing Sirius gently by the fur on his neck, tugging him closer. Sirius jumped on the bed obediently.

Remus reached for his wand, flicking it twice--to close the curtains, to cast a silencing spell. He turned back to Sirius, trying very hard to look furious. “Are you insane? What if someone heard you?”

Sirius barked again. Remus shushed him again, pressing a palm over the dog’s wide nose. He shook his head in disbelief. “Sirius, this is going to be a big mistake.”

Sirius tilted his head. Remus had to bite his cheeks to fight back a smile. It was too adorable.

“I know what you’re doing,” Remus said, lying back down. “You’re charming your way out of trouble.”

Sirius whined, lying down next to him, resting his heavy head on Remus’s chest. Remus shook his head dedicatedly. “It’s not going to work.”

Sirius snuggled closer, curling up on the space under Remus’s arm. The weight and warmth were comforting. Not better or worse than sleeping next to human Sirius, just… different. But good. So, so good.

Remus felt himself relax. He wrapped his arm around the dog, turning to his side to hold him closer. Almost to his annoyance, he was already feeling slightly better. Stupid body, stupid brain, being on Sirius’s side, proving his point.

“We’ll still talk about this tomorrow,” Remus mumbled sleepily, leaning more and more into the huge black creature’s weight. There still was the full moon, after all, and it still scared him. No matter what went down that night, it would be far from gentle cuddles on a bed.

He ran his fingers through the fur, just as soft as Sirius’s hair. He felt the dog relax against him, too. Fuck. Why did it feel so calming? “And I’m still so mad about this.”

No, he wasn’t, Remus realised. How could he, really? And he knew Sirius knew that, too, as Remus pressed a sleepy kiss on the dog’s forehead. Returning the favour, the dog pressed his wet nose on the crook of Remus’s neck, and Remus could practically hear Sirius’s voice, see him winking. “Sure, whatever, love.”

#wrote this between 2am-4am last night excuse me #wolfstar #remus lupin #sirius black #wolfstar fanfiction #wolfstar headcanon #sirius x remus #remus x sirius

[fleetingpieces]

My One in a Million Chapter 4

Tagging @donttouchmycarrots and @sunflowerfox87 who I still can’t believe wanted to be tagged 🥺 

Thank you so much everyone for your support ❤️

And as always, thank you @inloveoknutzy and Nayla for proofreading, you guys are the best  ❤️

My One in a Million Masterlist

Chapter 4 - Morning routines

The feeling of the earth on his bare feet. Long nights playing video games with his friends. Streaming for his fans. Slow sunsets and starry nights. Having the gang at his flat all the time. Relaxing bubble baths. Sunday lunch with the Potters. Making the people who doubted him shove their words up their asses.

Those were all things Sirius Black loved.

Having his brother drilling him at 7 am on an otherwise perfect Friday morning was most definitely not one of them. Not at all.

“I told you a thousand times already, and I’ll say it again one last time. I am not. Going. To that stupid. Fucking. Dinner,” he practically yelled over the phone.

There was a tired sigh on the other end of the line.

“Sirius, please. Could you stop thinking only about yourself for once? They want you to come.” A short pause. “I want you to come.”

Sirius grunted lowly, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“No, Reg. I gave them too much already. I can’t keep giving them more. I’m sorry.” He hung up before Regulus could get another word in and raked both hands through his hair.

Manipulative pieces of crap. They ‘wanted him to come’? What a fucking pile of shit. They had never wanted him there, they only wanted whatever they could get from him, asking for more, more and more, until they could suck him dry. They wouldn’t even be bothering with him if he was of no use to them.

Saying no to Regulus was the hard part. Knowing they were using him precisely because of this, that Regulus himself was using it against him, was almost like a knife twisting in his gut. 

It hurt.

It hurt so fucking much, because Sirius still cared about him. He was still his little brother, despite the decisions they had both taken for their lives. But Regulus didn’t see it that way.

Sirius started pacing up and down his room, rubbing a hand through his face as his other went instinctively to his back pocket to grab a pack of cigarettes. He hated feeling like this, hated the push and pull that came with his family’s relationships; craving the acceptance of his own blood, wanting to be close to his brother, but also feeling like he needed to get as far from them as he could. Why couldn’t they understand he didn’t want anything to do with the company? Heck, he didn’t want anything to do with most of them, he only kept some sort of contact because of Regulus. Even if his brother didn’t really want anything to do with him.

A flash of pain slashed him in the middle of his chest, and Sirius stormed off to the balcony, a fag already between his lips.

Lighting it up felt like lifting some of the weight off his shoulders. He pictured all of his problems in his head and imagined exhaling them with the smoke, drifting away in the morning sky until there was nothing left of them.

Sirius snorted. He wished it was that easy to get rid of all his worries, but his brother’s voice kept whispering in his ears, no matter how many times he watched the smoke dissipate in front of his face, mixing with words that were not Reg’s but still sounded in his voice. Stop thinking about yourself. You’re such a disappointment. We gave you so much, and this is how you repay us? You don’t care about me. You don’t care, you don’t care, you don’t care.

“Ugh, fuck,” Sirius grunted as he leaned on the rail and let his head hang low, pressing his forehead against the cold metal.

A low sound reached him through the fog of noises in his head. It was a song he’d never heard before, its rhythm slow and calming, and Sirius tried to focus on that to clear his mind and make the voice shut up.

He raised his head, looking at the place where it was coming from, only to be faced with a sight that almost made him drop his cigarette six floors down.

The new neighbor, Remus, was behind the glass doors of his balcony, standing on top of a yoga mat, wearing a black tank top and a pair of grey shorts that were dangerously hiking up his thighs in the position he was currently in.

His arms were stretched on top of his head, his toned muscles making the veins in his arms pop, and his broad shoulders working with the slow movements he was making. There was such a peaceful air about him. His eyes were closed and the sun was drawing golden lines that flitted through his hair as he bent down at the waist to touch the floor, leaving his back exposed.

The freckles on Remus shoulders disappeared below the t-shirt, and Sirius desperately wanted to know just how far they reached. He swallowed thickly, unable to look away. It was mesmerizing to watch Remus transition between poses, his lithe body flowing like water. He briefly wondered if the man was as pliable in other ways, but when his heart rate started quickening, Sirius decided he should stop being a creep and allow his neighbor the privacy he deserved. Before he could tear his eyes away though, a black shadow darted into the room and tackled Remus to the floor.

Sirius gripped the rail unconsciously before he realised it was just Remus’ dog, and he was left breathless once more at the image in front of him.

Remus was laughing as the dog nudged him with its head, two of its paws pressed over those powerful shoulders as Remus stroked the fur at its sides. The man’s eyes were crinkled, his curls falling onto his forehead in a tawny mess that was so cute Sirius thought he might die.

Seeing him smiling like that, it reminded Sirius of the Halloween party almost a week ago.

At first, he’d been annoyed about Lily bringing Remus and a stranger into his home, but that was mainly ‘cause Sirius had been on edge about the whole family drama. He had been looking forward to a chill night with his friends, and having outsider eyes at that moment felt like something that would have made him step on eggshells all night to avoid revealing his identity.

But Remus had proved to be as interesting as Sirius had thought him to be the first time they talked, always taking him by surprise with his comments and reactions.

Sirius desperately wanted to know where the hell Remus had learned to play like that. It wasn’t every day that he was beaten by someone that didn’t seem to have a lot of time for games, even if he’d been overly distracted by his toned thigh touching his own leg. Yes, Sirius had had a hard time concentrating, but he hadn’t slacked off. Remus was good. And Sirius wanted to know how.

He was intrigued by the man in so many ways, his interest peaking with every new little thing he noticed: the gaming, the yoga, his weird way of thinking -Sirius chuckled when he remembered how Remus had thought he was a fucking drug dealer-, him showing up at a party wearing a jumper that was a few sizes too big for him, looking so impossibly cuddly and warm; his relationship with his dog, his relationship with that Leo guy.

As Remus nuzzled his nose into the dog’s fur, Sirius thought about the rainbow coloured bracelet on Leo’s wrist. He admired the guy for wearing the flag so proudly, just there in plain sight for everyone to see. Sirius wished he could do the same, to stand tall, out in the open. But the consequences for him were way too high.

A small, annoying part of his brain felt the need to remind him that this didn’t mean Remus liked dudes. But Sirius took comfort in the knowledge that, at the very least, it meant that he was ok with it. That he wouldn’t condemn Sirius for it.

Sirius reached for a new cigarette, even if he was already feeling calmer, and put it between his teeth, taking a second before lighting it. While he played with the flame of his lighter, he wondered how Remus knew about Padfoot. Oh, what he wouldn’t do to know that story.

His heart warmed, not for the first time, at how Remus had defended Padfoot so fiercely, having no idea that he was right there; no idea how much his words meant for Sirius. Remus had understood him incredibly thoroughly for someone that didn’t even know who Padfoot was. That he was sitting right next to him. And Sirius wasn’t sure how to feel about that, but he wanted to find out.

It was no surprise that Remus hadn’t recognized his voice, even though he was clearly a fan. Sirius always hid his accent on his videos to conceal any connection to his family, so his parents wouldn’t intervene and ruin everything.

Suddenly, the music drifting from the room next door changed to a more upbeat one. Remus lifted the black dog up in his arms, something that couldn’t be easy given its size, and hugged it as he started twirling around the room, laughing brightly as he did.

He was dancing. 

With his dog.

And the face he was making, like the animal meant the world to him... How could someone you barely knew be so fucking endearing?

Sirius was still staring when Remus turned around and lifted his head, his eyes locking with Sirius’. He stopped mid-turn, the smile slipping from his face. Sirius felt a blush prickling at his cheeks at being caught basically ogling him, but he waved with an awkward smile.

His only answer was a scowl, even if from afar he could tell Remus was blushing too. He set the dog down, glaring at Sirius, who let his hand drop slowly as he watched the man close the curtains in a slash.

Sirius hid his face in his hands, feeling the heat radiate from his cheeks. How could he fuck up so much? Remus would think he was a fucking creep now. Dragging his hands down, Sirius knew he would have to genuinely step up his game if he wanted to get to know this man.

In the afternoon, Sirius was still pondering ways to get more acquainted with Remus, and coming back empty handed. He didn’t want to just show up at one of his classes, he lived right next door for fucks sake! He should be able to find a way to start up a conversation with him, right? Although Sirius had to admit, he hadn’t seen much of the guy since he’d moved in. Of course, Sirius hadn’t exactly been in the right state of mind to notice him.

But life seemed to be on his side, at least this once. Because when he stepped into the coffee shop where he was meeting up with James and Lily, the first thing he saw was a head of tawny curls.

Barely keeping in his glee, Sirius walked towards Remus, figuring he could just say hi. He stopped dead in his tracks though, when he was just a few steps behind him and he realized Remus was humming the lyrics of An Open Letter to Myself.

“I love that song,” he said without thinking. The man had a lovely voice, sweet and a bit sad, and it made his curiosity peak again.

Remus jolted and turned around with surprised eyes and slightly flushed cheeks, but as gold met silver, his eyebrows dropped quickly over his eyes. Sirius was taken aback by the clear hostility in Remus’ features, which made him stutter as he cleared his throat.

“Sorry, I... I saw you and thought... I… uhm... should come and say hi? So...hi,” Sirius said and immediately groaned inwardly at his stupidity. Since when was he this clumsy? 

“Hello,” Remus said in a polite, detached tone before he turned away.

Sirius took a minute to rearrange his thoughts while he placed his order right after Remus. They got their drinks at the same time, and before Remus could walk away from the shop, Sirius scrambled for something else to say.

“Your dog is beautiful, what’s its name?”

The corner of Remus’ mouth tickled up at the mention of his pet, but it was pushed down almost instantly.

“Cocoa,” he replied reluctantly, and Sirius almost spit his tea.

“Cocoa? That huge ass dog has a cute name like Cocoa?”

Remus rolled his eyes, but he was almost pouting. “I just really like chocolate, ok? Besides, he’s just a pup,” he said as he moved over to add some sugar to his chai latte. Sirius followed.

“A pup?” he said incredulously. “How is that a pup?!”

Remus huffed. “He’s only about two or three years old.”

Sirius stared at him in disbelief. That dog was already past Remus’ knees, and if what he was saying was right, he was probably going to grow some more.

“Did you adopt him?” he asked, tilting his head, thinking about Remus’ choice of words. He was focusing his whole attention on Remus, and that was probably the only reason why he noticed the slight stutter of his hand as he stirred his drink.

“Yeah,” he said in a breath. Sirius thought that would be the end of the conversation, but then -as if he couldn't help himself- Remus added, “he was very young when I found him. He was abandoned and practically left to die; his previous owners must have thought it was too much trouble to raise a wolfdog, and decided to leave him tied up in the woods instead of being decent human beings and finding him an appropriate home.”

There was such disgust in his voice that Sirius took a step back while his heart melted into a puddle. Of course he rescued dogs. Sirius was starting to wonder if this guy was even real. He’d been so thoroughly captivated by him in such a short time, it was a bit scary. Sirius hadn’t felt like this in a very long time. He hadn’t let himself feel like this, it was too risky, and he knew it would be more sensible to leave Remus alone and stay away from him before things got worse, but he had felt drawn to him ever since the Halloween party.

“That’s awful. No one deserves to be treated like that,” he replied softly against his better judgement. If things got worse, he’d deal with that later.

Remus’ head snapped up, and for a moment it looked like he was drowning. Sirius had no idea what had brought that expression to his face, but the only thought in his mind was how desperately he wanted to erase it. 

In hopes of doing so, he tried to change the subject to something lighter. “So, you like games, huh? You really did a number on me the other day. When did you start playing?”

The response he got was not what he’d expected. Remus’ expression hardened, and he turned his gaze away as he discarded the used stick with more force than was probably necessary.

“That’s hardly any of your concern, is it?”

Sirius blinked. And then blinked again. Was he still mad at him?

“Look, I’m really sorry about this morning. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or anything, I just-”

“You really think this is all just about this morning?” Remus snapped.

“What?” Sirius was confused. What had he done? He’d made a little fun of Remus the first time they talked, but it hadn’t been that bad, had it? 

“At least you weren’t smoking into my room today,” Remus added with a huff, which made Sirius frown.

He supposed he did smoke quite close to the edge of their balconies, but by the way Remus was talking, he felt like there was more to it. He tried to think of all the interactions they had had so far, but he couldn’t think of anything that would elicit Remus’ anger. His mind drifted to them sitting on his couch with the NHL game, how their shoulders had bumped together playfully, how Remus had even seemed to be comfortable once he got a controller in his hands. It was the only time Remus had acted in a friendly-ish manner towards him, without the scowl that seemed to be permanently weighing down on his brows. But none of his smiles had actually been directed at him, they had all been shared with Leo.

He smiled a lot around the blond, but whenever he was close to Sirius he seemed to be in a bad mood. Sirius hated that.

“What did I do for you to dislike me so much?”

“If you need to ask, it just shows that it’s not even worth answering you.”

Remus turned around and walked briskly to the door, leaving Sirius completely dumbfounded. The door opened just as Remus was reaching for the handle, and he almost bumped into Lily and James, who were coming in. Sirius watched as he nodded at them with a few words, threw one last glare his way, and disappeared in the afternoon sun.

Lily watched him walk away with a confused expression on her face. She glanced at James who just shrugged, and then she looked directly at Sirius with a deep frown. He seemed to be getting a lot of those lately.

“What was that all about?” she asked when they got next to him.

“He hates me, that’s what it was,” Sirius grumbled.

“Why?”

“I don’t know!” Throwing his hands in the air, Sirius stared at Lily like she held all the answers in the world. “He looks at me like I’m the worst person to ever walk the Earth. What did I do to deserve that?”

Lily winced, and Sirius felt his heart freeze where it had melted on the floor.

“Well, apparently, you haven’t been a very good neighbor, have you?” she said gently. Everything started falling into place then, and Sirius suddenly had a pretty good idea what she was talking about. He could be a very self-absorbed prick after a row with his family.

“What can I do?”

“Maybe you should try apologizing first,” she doubted for a second before she kept going. “I’ve heard you broke something important of his on the day you two met.”

“That was him?!” Sirius asked in astonishment, remembering the day he’d knocked someone over in the hall, and ignoring the few heads that turned his way at his raised voice.

“You’re joking, right? You didn’t know?” When Sirius only shook his head, still speechless, Lily stared at him, bewildered. “Sirius, how could you not know?”

“I was so angry at the time Lily, I barely noticed anything I was doing!” Sirius said in a pleading voice. He glanced at James for support, who looked at him in sympathy and understanding. Sirius rubbed a hand over his face. “I just needed to get out of the flat, I couldn’t stand the sight of Reg with his cold eyes and-” Sirius stopped himself, clenching his fists.

It all came back to him. How Regulus had suddenly turned up at his flat, even though he wasn’t supposed to know the address. Even though he hadn’t visited Sirius’ home in five years.

How Reg had looked at him with such clear disappointment, like Sirius was nothing more than a waste of space, and had told him that he was expected to attend the annual Black Enterprises’ gala and fulfill his duty to the family. How he had stated that it was time he stopped acting like a child, with his foolish, selfish dreams, and took his place in the company.

Sirius had never wanted anything to do with the monster corporation that was Black Enterprises. He hated the way they did business and how they treated people, like anyone outside the Black family was trash.

A hand on his shoulder shook him away from his memories before he could spiral down into the hole he’d been in in the weeks before Halloween. Sirius looked up, and found James’ kind hazel eyes.

“It’s ok Pads,” he whispered. “You’re out of there. They have nothing on you, and you owe them absolutely nothing. I’m sure you can fix this.”

Sirius hoped his friend was right.

#My One in a Million #wolfstar #wolfstar fic #remus x sirius #Sirius Black #Remus Lupin #neighbor!au #yoga!remus #remus #sirius orion black

[imaginejamesandsirius]

Hi! I'm new to this and I don't know if I'm doing this right... Could you write a story about ghost James (not really come back as a ghost in wizard way but more like a ghost in muggle stories, the kind that no one can see and can't really do anything) watching (and maybe staying with) Sirius through the years and finally reunite with him behind the veil? And they live happily ever after in the other side?Thank you!

James hated it when Sirius was sad. It was his number one least favourite thing in the world. It was horrible to see. James was pretty sure that it started to rain specifically because Sirius was in a bad mood, sometimes. His proof of that was that it had never been sunny when Sirius was sad, and that was good enough for him. When Sirius was sad, it's like the whole planet sagged to join him in grief. He'd said that to Remus once, and Remus had replied that James couldn't possibly be more in love if he tried; James was pretty sure that his response to that had been that everyone could stand to be more in love with Sirius. 

Point is, Sirius was sad, and it was James's fault. He couldn't make it better, and that was almost worse. There had been times, during first their friendship then their romantic relationship, that he'd made Sirius sad. Some stupid fight or other, and he would make Sirius cry because Sirius hated when they fought. He'd made Sirius sad before, but he'd never been incapable of comforting him afterwards. 

He was dead. Sirius couldn't hear him or feel him. It didn't matter what James did, because as far as Sirius was concerned, nothing at all was happening. James could scream in his ear, and Sirius would hear nothing but waves and the distant echoes of the other prisoners. He knew this for a fact; he'd tried. Just in case. No one knew about the kind of ghost that he was, and he wasn't going to let Sirius be miserable just because he hadn't thought to try. 

It had taken him a minute to understand what had happened when he appeared by Sirius's side. The details around his death were a bit fuzzy. He couldn't really remember what had happened, and he wasn't sure he wanted to. From the absolutely haunted expression on Sirius's face, it didn't seem like something he'd appreciate remembering. 

It took James less than two days to figure out that nothing he did would get through to Sirius. Instead of constantly pestering him, he decided to do things that would make Sirius feel better. He talked. Shared stories even though they were all stories he'd heard before or had been there for. 

After a couple weeks, James figured out how to make himself basically solid. It didn't help Sirius it all, but it made James feel better. He could lean his head against Sirius's shoulder without falling straight through him. 

On the one hand, it was nice to be able to see Sirius even though he was dead. Spend time with him. On the other hand, he was pretty sure this was a version of hell. What had he done to get placed next to the person he loved most, but completely unable to communicate with him? He didn't know how he really felt about it. Twelve years of thinking about it, and he still didn't know. 

*

James talked to hear his own voice. It's not like Sirius could hear him and feel better to know that he wasn't entirely alone. 

Sometimes he felt like Sirius could hear him. Not as he was-- standing beside him-- but like a whisper to his conscience. An errant thought in his head that took purchase. It was wishful thinking, James knew that, but it made his existence feel important. Sirius didn't lay flat to stretch his legs because James said he should; he did it because he'd been curled up in a ball for so long that he was uncomfortable. 

It still made James feel better. 

*

"Er, Sirius? Is it just me, or does that look like Peter?" James asked, tilting his head to get a better look at the photo in the Prophet. Fudge wasn't holding it at the best angle for Sirius, but Sirius was smart; he saw it. He asked for the paper, and Fudge handed it right over. 

James grinned at Sirius. "That's my Padfoot. Let's get out of this hellhole. It was putting you in a worse mood than normal." Not that there was any good measure for that. It had been so long since Sirius had been in a normal place that James only had memories for what it was like to see him smile. When the minister visited, the Dementors had to stay back a certain amount; it's why Sirius made conversation instead of telling him to bugger off, but it didn't exactly make him happy. He was just... less miserable. 

*

If anyone could see James right now, they'd probably say that since he wasn't happy with what he was doing, he should stop. That was a load of bullocks. He was dead, what did it matter if he wasn't completely happy? His happiness was a non-issue. He had an entire afterlife that he could enjoy when Sirius was around to enjoy it with him. For now, it was more important to him that he keep an eye on Sirius. Even if he couldn't effect the world around him at all, he liked knowing what was going on. 

There was a paralyzing fear in the back of his mind that if he left now, he'd never be able to find Sirius again.

*

"No no no," James said frantically, staring at where Peter transformed and ran away. He tried tugging on Sirius's arm, but obviously he couldn't feel it. "Sirius, he's getting away!" 

But Sirius was more focused on making sure that Moony was okay and that the kids weren't going to get hurt-- or killed-- to worry about the way his own future was going. 

It had run away. Peter was slippery. It was a miracle that they'd found him the first time, and James was certain that they wouldn't be able to find him a second time. In another life, James would be able to feel something like sympathy for him. In this life-- his afterlife, Sirius's first still-- he couldn't manage it. James had been beside Sirius for nearly every second of Azkaban, and there was no forgiving someone who put you in there. 

Peter vanished, less than a speck in a dark night on a black ground, and James wanted to scream. So he did. 

*

"This cave is depressing. I feel like you could find a better hiding spot." 

Sirius glanced towards where the castle was, and James nodded. 

"Yeah, I guess you wouldn't be this close to Harry anywhere else. I still think it's pretty damn risky. You should be on the beach. Soaking up the sun after so many years in Azkaban. I swear, that place is better classified as a dungeon. You could lay on the sand. Get some shades. Listen to your bloody muggle music and just breathe for once." 

Sirius wrung his hands in the way that meant he was thinking about Harry. Worrying about him. Even if he went to the beach, he wouldn't be able to relax. He'd be there, wondering how Harry was doing. Wishing he could take him away but unable to do so. Sirius could make his way on his own in large part because he could turn into Padfoot, but Harry couldn't do that. A boy with a dog drew more attention than just a dog, not to mention that no one would just let Harry go missing. 

*

Lily showed up once. James just about jumped out of his skin when she appeared on Sirius's other side at the long dining table in Grimmauld Place. "So this is where Sirius grew up," she mused, looking around at the décor. "Sort of explains why he was such a pretentious git when we were kids." 

James stared at her for a long moment. "How are you here?" 

"I don't really know," she said, frowning. "I thought about you, wondering where you were and." She held up her hands in a ta-da sort of way. "I should've guessed it was with Sirius." 

"Are you going to stay?" he asked. 

"I don't think I can. I'm here to visit. I visited Harry for a while, but I got... kicked away after a couple days. It's the longest I can stay before I have to take a break. I have no idea how you've managed to do this for the entire time." 

"I haven't done anything," James argued. "I just woke up next to Sirius and never left." 

"You woke up next to him?" Lily asked, eyebrows raised. 

"Appeared next to him, whatever." 

"No, that's not what I- Merlin, James. I always knew that you and Sirius were strangely close; I just didn't realise... well. Never mind. How's it been?" she asked, turning her attention to the man sat between them that couldn't hear a single word that was being said. 

"Rough. He was in Azkaban for a murder he didn't commit, and now he's a fugitive because he broke out." 

"He broke out? Of Azkaban? How the bloody hell did he do that?" 

"That's a Marauder trade secret, Lils. Can't tell." 

She narrowed her eyes at him. "You're so full of shite." 

"Yep." 

She glanced at Sirius again, and her expression softened to something sympathetic. "It's been that bad?" 

"Yeah." James sighed, patting Sirius on the shoulder even though he couldn't feel it. "Yeah, it's been... not good." 

*

Sirius got hit with a spell, and he was falling, and James knew that it wouldn't do any good but still tried to catch him. 

Only it worked. Sirius landed in his arms, a heavy, warm weight. Sirius was as surprised by it as James. He tilted his head up and broke into a gut-wrenching smile. Equal parts sad and hopeful. "James?" 

James mirrored the expression. He'd wanted Sirius. Not like this, though. Sirius was supposed to get his name cleared and live with Harry. He was supposed to have another seventy years alive so that he could remember what it was like to not be caged up. He wasn't supposed to meet James this soon. James even knew how he wanted for it to happen. Sirius was supposed to be free and happy, and then James would move on; Sirius wouldn't need him watching anymore because he'd be fine, and he could catch up with Lily-- see if she knew anything about this whole being-dead thing. "Hullo love." 

*

It took Sirius a long time to stop marveling at the fact that he could now touch James and talk to him. In his own way, James was doing the same thing. He'd gotten so used to Sirius not being able to hear anything he said that he was pretty sure he hadn't shut up for the last twenty minutes, just so he could hear Sirius hum or say 'yeah' as he talked. 

"How do you know all of that?" Sirius interrupted at some point. James had sort of been ranting at him for staying in Azkaban for so long, and then going to Grimmauld Place afterwards. Historically, those were the worst two places in Britain. 

"I was with you." 

"You mean, like, watching me?" Sirius asked, tilting his head slightly as he tried to wrap his head around it. 

"No, I mean that I was with you. Since your first week in Azkaban." 

"You... the whole time?" Sirius asked, voice breaking. 

"Yeah," James said, giving him a small smile. "I couldn't leave you alone, Sirius. You were sad. I can't leave my Padfoot alone when he's sad." 

Sirius pulled him in for another hug even though they'd never really let go of each other, clenching so tightly that James wouldn't have been able to get away even if he wanted to-- and he didn't. He could stay this way forever. 

#prongsfoot #fanfic #marauders #james potter #sirius black #lily evans #established relationship #afterlife #siriuslystarbucks #Anonymous

[karmathecat]

Firewhiskey is Not the Best Mixer Part 3

The third part to my Next Gen time travel to the Marauder era! Thank you for reading guys!

Part 1 | Part 2

AO3 | FF

The halls of Hogwarts were the same James noted. He glanced over at his siblings and saw that they were both standing close to him, himself and Al on either side of Lily. The Marauder’s were oddly silent, sharing glances that James could only assume was a communication that he was not privy to. 

Sirius watched as the three new teenagers stopped at Lily’s behest. She bent over to take off her high heels, using Al’s shoulder for support as she did so. Once at her true height, Sirius noticed that she was quite a lot shorter than the Lily that he knew, coming up to perhaps his chest. She was complaining about her shoes hurting her feet now that the cushioning charm had worn off and there was no point recasting it as her feet already hurt. Sirius watched as one of the boys gave Lily his suit jacket to cover herself and was warmed by the clear love that was shared by the group, and once again wondered about their relationship to each other.

James’ attention was drawn to the group in front again as his grandfather cleared his throat as they reached a tapestry of a tall tower which reminded James of the princess stories that their dad read to Lily when they were younger. 

“This is the Heads’ dorms, there’s a guest room there with a double bed and we have a coach in the common room so you can decide who sleeps where. Evans will either be in her room or in the common room and I think that I might be best explaining what’s going on rather than ambushing her with her clone.” James smiled at the younger redhead as he said this in an attempt to reduce the tension that was not diminished on their journey from the Headmaster’s office. 

Lily pulled her brother's jacket closer around her as they entered the Heads’ common room. It was similar to the Gryffindor common room, which was unsurprising considering both of the Heads this year were lions. Lily wondered if the common room would be altered depending on the house of its occupants. Her grandfather bounded up the steps when the common room was clearly devoid of Lily Evans, and silence fell among the group. Lily let her breath out as a heavy sigh and thought about the current situation that she found herself in: forty years in the past, with her grandparents, Teddy’s dad, and a future traitor. Not only were they in the past, but she couldn’t reveal her true name without upsetting the progression of a relationship between her grandparents that clearly hadn’t begun yet. The more she thought about it, the more she realised how ridiculous everything was, and her attitude was completely backwards. She was meeting people that she had only heard stories about, she could ask questions and have an adventure, is that not what she was truly about? Why were her and her brothers being so closed off? 

With a short huff of a laugh, Lily decided that enough was enough, and yes the situation was strange but she was going to make the most of it, and sitting in silence was not the way to do that. With a new purpose, she walked over to the coach and sat next to Sirius and turned to face both the dark haired boy and Remus who was sat in the armchair next to him. 

“So, have you completed the map yet, or is that still in development?”

Two shocked eyes snapped to hers, and she smirked, “Yes we know about the map, Padfoot and Moony.” 

Hearing the conversation, James and Al also came to join, James sitting on the arm of the coach next to Lily, and Al sitting in the armchair beside him. 

“Yes that map has kept all three of us out of trouble on a number of occasions!” The three marauders grinned at each other delighting in the map being passed down to the next generations, they started asking them questions about how much they knew about the Marauders’ adventures, when a cry of alarm was heard from upstairs. 

“I guess James got to the interesting bit, I wonder how Evans will react.” The group fell silent and tried to distinguish the voices from upstairs. When they heard the door open and the voices became more clear, Lily felt a wave of anxiety come over her. She was about to meet the woman she was named after, she knew so little about her and was desperate to know as much as she could. 

James Potter descended the stairs and into the common room looking incredibly nervous, from behind him appeared Lily Evans, her bright green eyes only previously seen in their dad and Al surveyed the room rapidly, once they fell on Lily her mouth opened as if to speak. 

“If I can interrupt what is surely a very entertaining monologue,” Lily Evans’ eyes snapped to James Sirius and widened in surprise, but did close her mouth to stop her rant, “We are from the future, James is telling the truth, no it isn’t a joke, yes my brother and I are related to your James Potter, yes Lily is related to you, we’re from about forty years in the future. I would let you rant but we’ve already been through this and I really can’t be bothered doing it again. So if it’s alright with you I’d like to skip to the part where you’ve accepted that we are from the future because it’s been a really long day.” 

Lily bit her lip to stop herself from laughing at her brother, and saw Al roll his eyes, but she really couldn’t help agreeing with James, it had been a long day and if they skipped the rollercoaster of not believing to accepting that would be very beneficial. 

Lily Evans opened and closed her mouth several times before looking at the Marauder next to her, “That speech was so like you, and I don’t think anyone would choose to have that fluffy hair. Also Dumbledore sent me a message, so for fear of this blowing up in my face, I will accept that we don’t all need to be shipped to St Mungos immediately.” 

Lily was surprised that she accepted the events so quickly, but the word of the Headmaster clearly carried a lot of weight in this time. Lily Evans came and sat on a cushion in front of the fire directly opposite Lily, and was eyeing her with a great interest that was mirrored in the other redhead’s face. 

Lily looked over towards her brothers and then back at Lily Evans, “The pictures don’t do it justice, we do look oddly similar.” The two girls laughed at each other, and Lily saw the other girl square her shoulders and try to relax. 

“So, you’re my daughter?” 

“Granddaughter.” Lily corrected, and the other girl nodded and then looked at the two other time travellers, “And your James’ grandsons, do I dare ask for your full names?” Lily could see the battle playing on the Head Girl’s face, she clearly wanted to know her future and Lily couldn’t blame her, if she was faced with this situation she wasn’t sure she would be able to hold back her questions. 

“I’m not sure that would be the best idea.” Al looked around the room from his siblings to the marauder’s and his grandmother. 

“Okay, I guess that makes sense,” Remus looked put out that the main question wasn’t going to be answered, “how do you know each other then? How was it that you ended up here together?” 

“We were at the ball together, all the wizarding families were invited.” James dodged the question well in Lily’s opinion, but the dodge was clearly noticed by the group.

“You all seem really close, and that you knew each other well. Especially with a prank war?” James Potter eyed the three newcomers with intense interest, he was desperate to know how close they were, hoping that his life was intricately linked with the love of his life. 

James Sirius laughed nodding, “Well it was actually Lil that started that, it started small I guess at Christmas, using the invisibility cloak to move all my stuff an inch to the left so I kept walking into stuff which was incredibly annoying, so I got a rain cloud to follow her all of New Year’s, and that escalated to me being naked on the roof and then to a de-ageing potion gone wrong, and here we are.” 

Everyone was laughing by the end of James’ speech. “So I see that the desire to cause trouble is genetic!” Lily Evans laughed smirking at James, eyeing the Head Boy with amusement as he ruffled the back of his hair. She truly could not believe the situation that she had landed herself in. If a patronus from the Headmaster had not arrived as James attempted his stuttering explanation of who she would find in the common room, she would have never believed it. But her sense of adventure was peaking, she was a Gryffindor afterall, and she knew that this opportunity was something she couldn’t pass up. 

“Would I be able to get changed? This dress isn’t as comfortable as it is fancy I can assure you!” Lily laughed smoothing out her green dress, she was starting to feel more comfortable with the situation she was being presented with. She had her brothers, yes they’d have to be careful to not reveal too much, but she wasn’t alone and she was technically with even more family. She was going to try and make the most of it. 

Lily followed her grandfather up the other set of stairs and into his room. She walked in and looked around as he searched through his drawers. She smiled at pictures of the Marauders on his bedside table, as she sat on the edge of the four poster bed she picked up the frame watching as the four boys laughed as they sat under a tree down by the lake. 

“Here you go, I always find that quidditch stuff is the best to sleep in.” James smiled as he handed her what looked like a practice top, jumper and a pair of jogging bottoms. 

“I agree, I stole James’ all the time before I went to Hogwarts and he was home, and then once I made the team it was literally all I wore!” Lily laughed, and was slightly surprised when James sat on the bed next to her, appraising her with interest. 

“You play quidditch? Evans has never been too into flying.” 

Lily nodded, and decided that the information wasn’t too revealing and found that talking to James was just like talking to her brothers, “Yeah both my parents played at school, but my mum was a professional she played for the Harpies she retired when I was young. So I couldn’t not play! I’m a chaser for Gryffindor, and I’ve been told I’m just as good as my mum, I’d love to play after I finish school but I want to do it off my own back, rather than because of who my parents are.” 

They continued chatting easily for a few minutes, James voicing his excitement about her mum playing professionally, and encouraging her to play herself. James was surprised by how much Lily was talking to him, she seemed so calm and comfortable in his presence, something he could only dream of achieving with Lily Evans. But if this Lily was so connected to the Potter boys, maybe all was not lost after all when it came to his relationship with Evans. 

He stood and gestured to the other door in the room, “That’s the shared bathroom, feel free to use anything, but maybe not my toothbrush.” They two laughed and Lily thanked him before walking into the bathroom. James made his way downstairs and smiled as he watched the two Potter boys gently teasing Lily and to his surprise Lily was laughing and teasing back with equal intensity. As he entered the group again, he sat on the floor next to Lily and told the two Potters that he had left some clothes on his bed for them. 

As Lily reentered the common room in her new comfortable clothes, pulling the sleeves of the familiar knitted material over her hand and taking comfort in the feel. She could feel several sets of eyes on her, and the conversations ended slowly. She eyed them all in question, before James Potter cleared his throat. 

“I guess I didn’t think how weird it would be to see ‘Potter’ written across your back.” 

Lily frowned and then realised, to these boys and Lily that she was not a Potter, she was an Evans or some undescipt surname. 

Lily Evans viewed her granddaughter and had to admit that seeing another girl, family or not, with James’ quidditch jersey on gave her an unpleasant feeling in her stomach. She had to admit that in the presence of the James who was not her Head Boy, she felt slightly flustered. The new James was clearly a few years older than them, perhaps 19 or 20, and if that was the case James Potter was only going to get more attractive, and she didn’t think that was possible. She could imagine her James becoming more defined and more mature in the coming years, and she had decided during her sixth year that she wanted to be around to see the developments. The proof that her and James’ lives were going to be linked to the point of their grandchildren knowing each other was thrilling to her, but the idea that she didn’t know anything about these children’s relationship bothered her. She wanted James Potter for her own, she knew that in herself, he wasn’t the immature bully that he was three years ago, he was a mature man who had strong morals and a loyalty that she had not witnessed in anyone else. And here in front of her in the form of a girl who could be her twin lay the answers to whether James Potter was serious about a life with her. She could ask all the questions she wanted without fear of losing a friendship with someone she wasn’t sure was romantically interested in her anymore. In that moment a plan formed in Lily Evans’ mind. 

“Lily, why don’t you come and share my room? The bed is big enough and that way the two boys can have the spare room. It would save you sleeping on the coach.” 

Lily looked up into the welcoming eyes of her grandmother and was thrilled by the idea of spending some alone time with the Head Girl, and quickly agreed.

James and Al quickly ran upstairs and got changed and met their sister before she headed up to bed. The Marauders watched in amusement as each of the boys kissed Lily on the cheek goodnight before retiring to the spare room. 

Xxx

Lily watched as her grandmother entered the room from the bathroom and pulled back the covers on her four poster bed. The room was exactly the same as James’ had been, and Lily had looked at the photos that littered the room as she waited for the other girl in the bathroom. She had been intrigued by the mix of muggle and magical photos, and spent extra time looking at Lily Evans’ parents so she could tell her Dad about them once she returned home. 

Once she was sitting in bed next to her grandmother, the light was extinguished. Lily could tell the older girl wasn’t going to sleep, she could feel the tension in the air, so wasn’t surprised when Lily Evans rolled over to look in Lily’s hazel eyes. 

“Are you related to James, my James I mean.” Lily was surprised by the phrase my James, as far as she could tell her grandparents were not in a relationship yet so she knew that she had to tread carefully. 

When the younger girl didn’t respond but continued to look at her, Lily steeled herself to plough on, “It’s just, if you were, that might mean that James and I could be in touch after Hogwarts. And if you aren’t related you just happen to be super chummy with his offspring then I know that I’m wasting my time right now and I need to get over whatever it is I have for James. So if you could help me not waste my time I would be incredibly grateful.” 

Lily watched as her grandmother’s pleading emerald eyes bore into her own, she could see how much bravery it took for her grandmother to admit to her feelings. Lily blew out a huge breath and made the decision. She wasn’t sure if she would regret it, and she definitely knew that she should ask Al his opinion, but Al wasn’t here. 

“You’re right, we are related, I share the same name as my grandmother, my name is Lily Potter.”

#harry potter fic #harry potter time travel #next gen time travel #james sirius potter #lily luna potter #lily evans #james potter #next gen fic #marauder fic

[sirrriusblack]

Nowhere Else...

tw for child abuse

* * *

James was sitting at the kitchen counter, mixing a bowl of cake mix with a wooden spoon when it happened. There was still a smile on his face from the spot of flour on his mother’s face that she didn’t know about. But as a loud thump echoed through the room his smile faltered. He turned to the living room behind him and everything around him slowed as he registered what was happening. The figure lying before the fireplace, the blood on the carpet, James’ mother running toward the black-haired boy. Black hair. Sirius. 

“Sirius!” James bolted across the room and fell to Sirius’ side, feeling a terror so full on it was almost painful as he took in the cuts and bruises and blood- blood everywhere. Sirius groaned as James’ mother touched his face.

“Sirius... honey. Oh what have they done?” They. Walburga, Orion. They had done this to him, to his best friend, his brother. They had hurt him and- and almost killed him.

“I’m so sorry...” Sirius murmured. “Nowhere...else.”

“We- Mum we have to get him help.” James was shaking, trembling as he took in Sirius’ paling skin, the blood that wasn’t slowing down. He could feel a weight in his chest, falling and falling and going nowhere. “Padfoot...” The walls were closing in around them, pushing closer until they couldn’t get out- until they couldn’t find a way to help Sirius, until he died. Euphemia grasped James’ face, her eyes wide as she looked at her son.

“James! James, take a deep breath, okay? He’s going to be okay.” James nodded, but all he could see was the blood on the floor, on his hands, on his best friend. “Grab my hand, okay James? We’re going to apparate to St. Mungo’s.” At his mum’s words, James looked up, away from Sirius and the blood and pain. Warm tears were sliding down his face.

“Is he going to be okay, Mum?” he asked, looking into her brown eyes. They had always comforted him. “They- they tortured him.” James’ heart dropped as that thought fully hit him. Sirius’ family was that evil, that horrible that they would actually torture their child. 

“They did,” was all Euphemia replied as wind tore around them. James kept holding both Sirius and his mother’s hands as the healers bolted for them, shouting words and codes that James didn’t particularly care to understand.

“Excuse me Mrs...” The healer trailed off, waiting for a name.

“Potter,” Euphemia answered. The healer nodded. 

“And is this your son, Mrs Potter?” The healer gestured toward Sirius, unconscious and being lifted onto a stretcher. James’ mother thought for a moment before nodding solemnly. Sirius was James’ brother. “We’ll need to take him to-”

“Is he going to be okay?” James cut in, frantic. He was craning his head above the crowd of healers, searching for his best mate, trying to find where they were taking him. James began racing forward as he glimpsed the boy’s arm full of wristbands of all sorts, but was held back by his mother. 

“James, you have to let the healers help him okay?” James looked away from Euphemia and back to the healer in front of them.

“Will he be okay?” he asked again. He didn’t need an answer though. He had to be okay. He had to. It was Sirius. He’d always come back. James knew he’d be okay, because if he wasn’t, James had no idea how he would come back.

So he fought back against the burning in his eyes and the thing clawing apart the inside of his stomach and he sat down, next to Euphemia and he waited. He waited for Sirius to be okay.

* * *

Thanks heaps for reading it @just-a-teen-fangirl

#Sirius Black #Marauders era #Marauders #James Potter #marauders headcanon #my writing #thank you hglb! #tw: child abuse

[lumosinlove]

so sirius is this tall dark handsome badass who is an addict but in love with his boyfriend smol cute remus and when they go around to parties he has remus under his shoulder yk? And they are very committed to each other but one day Pads finds out remus tried hard drugs with his friends he gets so mad because he already ruined his life he doesn't want to ruin remus's

WARNING: DRUG ABUSE

Quick disclaimer, I know NOTHING about cocaine so don’t listen to any of this. Don’t do cocaine, don’t try cocaine, don’t cocaine, cokay? Okay. Here we go:

“Are you going to tonight?”

Sirius looked from the door down at Remus, “Why?”

Remus tilted his head, shoving his hands into his pockets. They could hear the bass beating its way through the windows and walls, and it looked like someone had strung up colored lights from the way the shrubs surrounding the house were painted yellow, red, and green in strange streaks.

Remus lifted one shoulder, “I just want to know.” I don’t think you should, “So I can be prepared.” He withdrew one hand and pinched the thick leather cuff of Sirius’ jacket between his fingers, “Just in case something goes wrong.” Please don’t.

Sirius made a soft sound in his throat, and looped his fingers through Remus’, lips pressing to the back of his hand, “You know I won’t go overboard. It’s just…”

Remus could see the twitch in Sirius’ mouth begin, the slight sweat beads on his temple telling him how much he needed what was inside the house, “Okay.” He pressed upward, and Sirius leant down for his kiss, “Alright, let’s go then. Hey, c’mon,” He drew their hands over his head, his own arm across his body now, and Sirius’ over his shoulders.

Sirius let out a loud laugh, and, for a moment, Remus could pretend that tonight, he wouldn’t have to watch Sirius stoop low over a table. He wouldn’t have to watch the euphoric bliss cross his face when he stood straight again, head tilted back and hair in his eyes. He wouldn’t have to endure the strange gloss that accompanied Sirius’ smile for hours afterward. But he was still Sirius. He still kept him tucked against him, still pressed small kisses to his temples, brought him sealed beer cans and water when he wanted. He kept him close, which was all Remus wanted at these parties.

“Re.”

Remus looked up from where he had been watching the door, preparing for it to open, “Hm?” When he saw the sudden sadness in Sirius eyes, he turned again, “I know.” He laced his fingers with Sirius’ that were dangling over his left shoulder, “It’s alright, I know.”

Sirius said it anyway, jaw tight, “I have to. I…I need—“

“I know.” Remus said gently again, squeezing their hands, “Let’s go in. James will want us to stay for a bit after you…” He swallowed, “but then we can go back to my place and do whatever, yeah?”

Sirius nodded, “Okay.” He ducked low, pressing another quick kiss to Remus’ lips, “Okay, let’s go.”

The music hit them like a wall. Bodies were pressed together in twos and threes—sometimes fours—grinding and breathing through the smoke and alcohol. Remus pressed closer to Sirius’ side, turning his head a little into the collar of his leather jacket, preferring its familiar scent.

“Padfoot! Moony!” James grinned from them over the heads of the rest of his unnamed guests, most of which were there because they’d heard of the infamous “Potter Parties.” James waved them over, “C’mere, c’mere, ‘m beating Lils at pong.”

Lily swiped her hair out of her face once they pushed their way over, “Does it matter? You’ll drink your weight either way.”

James laughed, “Alright, alright, fair. Moony, you want in? I’m still waiting to beat your ass in payment for last time.”

Remus smirked but shook his head, “I beat you once and I’m pretty sure it was beginners luck. I’m staying out while on top.”

Sirius laughed, “I’m out for now too. Where’s Lestrange? The back?”

James’ expression darkened minutely, smile faltering, “You sure you need to know?” He glanced at Lily, who looked more openly saddened.

Sirius laughed again, but it was edged this time. His arm tightened around Remus, and Remus leaned into him more, knowing he needed the comfort.

But listen to James his mind was screaming. I don’t know how to help you, maybe he does.

But saying no is easier said than done.

“James.“ Sirius was trying and failing to keep up his easy demeanor.

“Yeah.” James said flatly, turning back to the triangles of red cups, “In the back.”

As they walked away, Remus faintly heard James’ voice murmur, “I should stop letting him come.”

He wasn’t sure if he meant Lestrange, or Sirius.

It was significantly quieter around Lestrange and his crew. The Carrows and Finnigan grinned at them when they entered. Lestrange sat above them all, on a high stool.

“Aw.” He grinned, “Black always brings his boy toy, it’s adorable. Alright, Lupin?”

“You don’t talk to him.” Sirius’ eyes were hard, but his fingers were twitching, his eyes on the place where Lestranges hands disappeared into his pockets, “You know why I’m here.”

He withdrew his arm from Remus’ shoulders, the air feeling much colder without it, and stepped forward, taking cash from within his jacket.

Lestrange barely had to glance away for one of the twins to lean forward and take it.

“Back of the house. By Potter’s bins.” Finnigan mumbled, then turned away.

Sirius blinked, “What?”

The other Carrow thumbed through Sirius’ bills, counting, “New system. Safer for us. They know you’ve paid, don’t worry.”

Remus creased his brows. He didn’t like the idea of going into a deserted ally to finish this transaction, but one look at Sirius, the sweat lining his collarbones, and he knew it would happen whether either of them wanted it to or not.

Sirius turned his back on them, eyes soft and on Remus. He reached out subtly, thumb brushing the inside of Remus’ wrist, “You wait here, alright? Go find James, and I’ll meet back up with you in a few minutes, okay?”

Remus glanced behind Sirius, then grabbed his wrist, pulling him farther away from the group, “Sirius, I don’t like you going out there alone. I—I mean, what the hell? This is different, you’ll be completely outnumbered, I don’t trust them—“

“I know.” Sirius said lowly, lips barely moving, “I…” He closed his eyes, “I know, but,” When they opened again the pupils were dilated to near black, “fuck, Re, I went too long. I don’t really have the option to be picky right now. I hate it, but…”

“Then change it.” The second the words were out of his mouth, Remus couldn’t believe he had said them. But then he couldn’t stop, “I…Pads, you just said it yourself, you went, what, a week? Maybe…” Remus looked away from Sirius’ pleading eyes, “Maybe you can stop this time—“

Sirius’ tight grip on his shoulders cut off his sentence and Remus sighed, looking back up into his handsome face. Sirius leaned down and pressed a slow kiss into Remus’ lips, a kiss that made Remus think of tomorrow morning.

Tomorrow morning, when Sirius would have had his fix but it would have worn off and, for a day, maybe a little less since his tolerance was kicking up a little more these days, he would be happy. The drug wouldn’t be the first thing on his mind, the the second, or the third. He would wake up slowly, pressing himself tightly to Remus’ side, warm and happy. And Remus wanted that. He lived for those moments. When they started to fade, and the pull started to press at Sirius’ system again, he told himself he would go to another party, watch him take the chemical that would bring him back into Remus’ arms.

Fuck.

“I’ll be right back. I love you.”

Sirius slipped from his fingers, pushing out the back door.

Remus went to the window, watching the street lamps glint off of his leather-clad back.

“What do you say, Lup-y?”

Remus closed his eyes, releasing a hard breath through his nose, “To what?”

When Lestrange didn’t respond, he turned, eyes immediately finding the line of cocaine that had been neatly scraped into place on the stool. Lestrange raised an eyebrow, grin sharp, “Hmm? Wanna give it a try? I’ve heard tripping while in love is wild.”

Remus meant to say no. His brain said no. His body said no. But his eyes found their way out the window again, to Sirius bent over while Malfoy flicked a lighter over and over, smirking. Even from this distance, Remus could see Sirius shake. The air held still as he didn’t, and didn’t, and didn’t again, say no.

“Oh,” Lestrange whistled, “Oh, do we have hesitation? Wanna join Siribaby? C’mon, you do, you do, c’mere, Lupin.”

Sirius was still bent, doing another line. His tolerance was up, and Remus’ was down. He wanted more than just a few moments with Sirius. He wanted a whole lifetime. Fuck, and this could give him—give them—

Hours. Hours of being on the same level, the same planet. Sirius straightened, he turned to come back inside.

Remus wheeled from the window to the stool, bent, and did what he’d watched Sirius do countless of times. The powder burned his nostrils, he wanted to throw up.

“Don’t tell.” He spat at Lestrange. The other boy just laughed, cackled.

When Sirius found him next, he was beside James, watching the still-going beer pong competition. Lily had subbed out for Marlene, and Remus still thought he was going to throw up.

“Hi, baby.” Sirius tucked him back under his arm and, now, along with the rolling nausea, Remus wanted to cry.

“Hi.” He pressed up on his toes and kissed Sirius, pushing at his shoulders until his back hit the wall, “Hi.”

Sirius smiled, and it had the familiar haze twisted in it, “Hm.” His sentence was cut off by Remus’ lips again, long slow presses and bites, “What’s this?” Slurred by the drugs and Remus’ skin, Remus barely heard his words, just twisted his fingers in his hair. Make me forget make me forget what I just did.

“Re.” Sirius’ fingers were gentle on his shoulders, “Remus.”

Remus gasped, falling back on his heels, nearly rocking backwards before Sirius was there to hold him up, “Nothing.” His blood felt hot, “I—Pads.” Everything felt hot, slow. He wanted to smile, he wanted to throw up, he wanted to cry, “Sirius.”

Sirius, despite the haze of drugs, now looked alert. He took Remus’ face in his hands, “Re, what’s wro…” His entire face dropped, eyes going cold, cheeks pale, “Remus.” His eyes were flicking back and forth between Remus’ own, no doubt seeing the pin pricked pupils that mirrored his own. His grip only tightened, “Oh god—“

Then he was pulling Remus away, through the lights, through the bodies, the stale smell of alcohol and pot. Away from the heat, and the life-ruining things.

Cool night air hit Remus like a wave, like a cool, lapping tide, and he pushed as Sirius’ shoulders until he moved and bent over, wrenching nothing into the grass.

“Shh, it’s okay, Re. You’re okay.”

Remus hadn’t realized he was crying until Sirius pulled him into his chest and, when he pulled back to look up at him, his t-shirt had dark splotches of tears staining it, “I just wanted to have you back. I could—“ Remus let out a shaky breath, another sob, “I thought I could follow you to where you go. Wherever you g—“

“No. Fuck, fuck—“

“‘m sorry.” Remus was tired, he swayed on his feet, “Sirius, I just wanna be with—“

“You are with me.” Sirius’ gentle fingers stroked over Remus’ cheek bones, eyes hard, “Listen to me, Re.” His voice cracked over the word ‘listen’ and he clenched his jaw, “I,” he shook his head, “I’m the one who hasn’t been with you. I’ve been leaving you, Re, don’t you ever think, no, look at me, look at me.”

“I hate this.” Remus mumbled, closing his eyes against the dull ache that was starting at the base of his skull, “Come back to me.”

“I will.” Sirius let out a shaky breath and tears slipped with it as he pressed the hair out of Remus’ eyes, “I will, I will, I promise you.”

Remus’ face crumbled a little more with each slow shake of his head within Sirius’ palms, “You’ve promised before.”

Sirius’ breath hitched against the tears in his throat, “I know,” he whispered, “I know I have.”

Remus slumped into his chest and Sirius cursed, scooping him into his shaking arms, legs draped over one forearm, head cradled to his chest.

Remus’ voice was soft when he spoke next, but his eyes were open, the drugs spinning through his heart, “Can it be real this time?”

“Yes, baby.” And when Sirius said it, he felt it in his veins, felt it burn more brightly than any of the drug ever could, his love for this boy in his arms, “It already is.”

The car ride back to Remus’ was silent. Remus fell asleep, wanting to be unconscious until the drug had fled his system, and Sirius hated himself. For doing this to Remus, for ever doing it to himself in the first place. He carried Remus up the four flights of stairs to his tiny apartment, and laid him gently in the still unmade double bed. He was gently taking Remus’ shoes off when his sleepy voice rang out.

“You’ll stay here, won’t you? While you get clean?”

Sirius looked up, meeting Remus’ soft amber eyes. He held his socked foot in his palm, rubbing his thumb along the gentle, fragile arch, “Re, you don’t want to see that.”

“Yes, I do.” Remus winced as he pushed himself up on his elbows, “Yes, I do, I want to see that. Pads…” They stared at each other for a moment, then Remus licked his dry lips, “Sirius, that’s the strongest thing you’ll have ever done.”

Sirius tucked his socks into Remus’ shoes, neatly, the way he liked, “Or the weakest for even letting it happen—“

“The strongest thing you’ve ever done.” Remus pushed forward, sliding off the bed and right into Sirius’ lap, knees on either side of his hips. His palms pressed to his neck, sweat erased by the powder that still echoed, even after the long drive, “The drug doesn’t fucking define you, you define you. You know that. Now realize it.”

Sirius tilted his forehead against Remus, “You’ll never do it again, will you? No, stupid question, I know that but…Fuck, Remus, if you had ruined your life like I did mine…” Sirius looked at the neat socks, the perfectly alphabetized bookshelves, this perfect boy in his perfect sweater, “Fuck, Re. I would have fucking offed myself, I swear to god.”

“Don’t say that.” Remus growled, “Don’t say that, don’t say that,” Remus pressed their mouths together, “Stop it, and you didn’t ruin your life, look at you. Look at you. You’re going to be okay.” He gripped the hair that curled around Sirius’ ears, soft and thick, “You didn’t ruin your life, your life is with me.”

Sirius’ lips shook as he let out a cry, nodding, but unable to speak. Remus tucked Sirius’ head into his neck, closing his eyes at the soft kisses Sirius pressed there. If by the time the sun rose they hadn’t moved, it was only because sitting there like that, pressed up against each other, felt like the only way either of them would survive these next few hours: lending each other strength. But that’s exactly what they did, what they had always done, and always would do.

part 2: http://lumosinlove.tumblr.com/post/177295662750/okokok-deep-breath-so-i-know-you-said-you-dont

#wolfstar #sirius x remus #remus x sirius #sirius black #remus lupin #wolfstar angst #wolfstar fluff #the marauders era #wolfstar au #drug abuse #addict!sirius #the marauders era headcanons #harry potter #harry potter headcanons #writing #wolfstar headcanons

[littleoldrachel]

Third chapter is up!  Read it here on ao3, or here on ff.net, or under the cut.

100 Ways to Say I Love You

Summary: In which actions speak louder than words, Sirius and Remus sort of fall in to a relationship, and even though neither of them have said those three all-important words, they both know it anyway.Or: 100 Ways to Say I Love You by Sirius Black and Remus Lupin.

Previous |  chapter 3/100 - “No, no it’s my treat.” | Next

Based on this post by p0ck3tf0x

Tw for detailed description of a panic attack, references to awful parenting, anxiety, brief mentions of insecurity regarding weight/weight issues.

3. “No, no, it’s my treat.”

Two weeks later finds them all at the bar where Remus works – The Leaky Cauldron is filthy, dingy, and has a dodgy reputation for letting underage people drink there, but the drinks are cheap and the music is good, and it’s where they’ve been meeting since sixth form. Remus has worked there for a good few years now, and the owner, known only as ‘Tom,’ trusts him enough that he turns a blind eye to Remus giving his mates free drinks and spending most of his shift at their end of the bar.

Remus is feeling a little better this week – at least in terms of pain, it’s reduced to his usual neck, back and shoulder aches, mild muscle stiffness, and a low-grade headache. He’s down on spoons, but he always is after a flare, especially since he’s got to catch up on the work he’s now behind on in both of his jobs. At least with the pub that just means picking up more shifts – at the publishing company, Flourish and Blotts, he’s somehow got to squeeze a month’s worth of work in to the next fortnight. (He’ll figure it out, he always does, but he’s just bone-tired, and so frustrated knowing that even getting a decent night’s sleep won’t help).

He wipes down the counter, where a regular’s drunkenly sloshing his beer around, and sighs when he realises who it is, feeling anxiety coiling in his stomach. “Mr Filch, I’m going to have to cut you off now,” he says, as politely as he can when he knows Filch is about to hurl abuse his way. His voice doesn’t tremble, even though he feels like a gust of wind would make him shatter.

Tom materialises at Remus’ shoulder, as Filch is spouting particularly creative profanities at him and he’s just frozen, and claps a hand to his back. “Go’on now, lad. I’ll ‘andle this.”

Remus gratefully moves away from Filch, taking a deep breath to calm himself down. One would think that after years of working in retail and hospitality, he’d be better at dealing with unpleasant people by now, but every time it leaves him a little shaky and panicky inside. He moves back towards where his friends are, stopping only to refill a customer’s whiskey, and immediately meets Sirius’ eyes.

“Alright?” Sirius asks, glancing between him and Filch, concern clear in his eyes.

“Yeah,” Remus mumbles, if he says it enough, it has to be true.

Sirius clearly doesn’t believe him, but he distracts him by asking about Winky, and before Remus knows it, the awful, cold anxiousness in his chest has been replaced by a warm, happy glow as he recounts how Winky shit in her litter tray for the first time the night before, rather than around it. (Watching the way Sirius’ face shifts and catches the light makes him feel close to shattering too, but it’s different; it’s comfortable and safe and soft, knowing that Sirius could put him back together again).

Photos of Winky staring bemusedly at the scratching post Sirius had bought around at the weekend, of her curled up in Remus’ lap with him watching her like a proud parent, of her hiding in one of Sirius’ Doc Martens, circulate the group, which consists of Sirius and Remus, Lily and James, Kingsley, Alice and Frank. Peter turns up minutes later, and James holds a speedy sign-conversation with him to catch him up on everything he’s missed.

“Now that we’re all here,” James says, when they’ve all got drinks and Remus is on a short break (Lily takes over signing from James; Peter can lip-read well, but he prefers to sign, and he has no hope of hearing them over the sounds of a busy bar), “I’ve got an important announcement.”

He looks over at Lily, his gaze going soft and lovesick, the same way it has every time he’s looked at her, for the past seven years. “As you know, Lily and I are getting married next year.” There’s a brief pause as several of them make whooping noises, James leans over to press a kiss to Lily’s cheek, and Lily blushes pinker than Peter’s hair. The two of them share one of their secret telepathic glances, and then Lily takes a breath.

“Alice, I want you to be my bridesmaid. You’re so special to me-“

She’s abruptly cut off by Alice’s squawk, as she flings herself at Lily, chanting “yes, yes, yes.” The two of them collide in a cuddle, and they’re both laughing, Alice wiping tears from her eyes, and clutching her hijab so it stays in place.

James clears his throat. “And, this will probably come as a surprise to nobody, but,” he turns to Sirius. “Padfoot, I-“ his voice cracks a little, “Sirius. You’re my best mate, and the most important person in my life… Be my best man?”

Remus, along with everybody else, turns to Sirius expectantly. It’s not like any of them think that Sirius is going to turn him down after all; everybody knows how much Sirius and James love each other – it’s a bond that Remus struggles not to be jealous of – after all Sirius deserves only Good Things, and James is nothing but loving and giving in his friendships. (It’s still a little hard being an outsider though, what with how well Sirius slots in to James’ family, how they can hold entire conversations without saying a word).

But-

Sirius isn’t looking pleased, or touched, or anything at all. His face is fixed on James’, and Remus swears he’s not breathing as he stares at him, his fingers shaking, despite his grip on his glass. Then suddenly, without warning, he’s left his seat, streaking out of the door, and James makes to go after him, looking horrified.

Nobody says a word – James is frozen half out of his seat, staring after where Sirius had dashed off to, and even though the rest of the bar is still noisy with chatter, glasses clanking, and acoustic guitar, within their group it’s utterly silent.

“Well, that was awkward,” Peter says at last, a little loud and thick, but it breaks the tension, and spurs everyone in to movement once more.

“I should go after him,” mumbles James, sliding out of his seat, but Remus stops him.

“Let me, Prongs,” he says quietly, trying to avoid attracting everyone’s attention. James studies him briefly, then sighs and nods.

“Bring him back, Moony,” James murmurs softly, crushing Remus briefly to his chest, and then he propels him in the direction Sirius had run off in.

*~*~*~*

It’s not difficult to locate him. To his left, there’s a cluster of smokers, forced outside by their habit; to his right, the collection of tables full of people enjoying the late summer air. Sirius would have wanted to get away from people, and so Remus heads left, past the smokers, rounding the corner where they keep the bins, and sure enough-

Sirius is huddled against the wall, heaving for breath, his head between his knees. His whole body trembles, and even when Remus kneels down and takes one of his hands, he doesn’t react to the contact.  

“Padfoot,” Remus says softly, and Sirius’ head snaps up, but his eyes are glassy and leaking, like he’s not really seeing Remus. He’s straining for breath, shaking, crying, choking – and Remus snaps in to action. “Padfoot – Padfoot.” He presses his palm against Sirius’ face, trying to ignore the self-doubt that’s screaming at him that James would be a thousand times better at this.

He pulls Sirius in to him, and Sirius goes, falling against his chest. He’s bizarrely tense and limp at the same time, and Remus begins taking exaggerated breaths, positioning himself so that Sirius’ ear is against his heart. (He’s painfully aware that his heart is pounding; he’s so afraid of fucking this up, Sirius is everything, and Remus is nothing-). He counts under his breath, murmurs reassurances every now and then, rubs up and down Sirius’ limbs, and slowly – slowly – he hears Sirius’ breathing start to regulate again.

“Moony –“ Sirius gasps out suddenly, and Remus jerks in surprise. “Moony, I can’t feel my fingers,” he says urgently.

Remus takes them, and begins massaging them between his hands. He knows it won’t do any good, but he also needs to feel useful in some way. “They’re still there, Pads, see? The feeling will come back, you know this doesn’t last forever.”

Sirius makes a whining noise, pressing his face in to Remus’ belly, his breathing turning a little erratic. “It doesn’t feel like it.”

“I know, sweetheart, I know.” Remus’ heart lurches as he lets the term of endearment slip out, but thankfully Sirius doesn’t comment on it.

They sit quietly, next to the recycling bin. The noises of the pub are muffled from this side of the building, the clanking in the kitchen faint, and even the smell of cigarette smoke can’t reach them here. It’s their own private bubble, and Remus loses all track of time (Tom will be annoyed, his ‘short break’ is probably three times longer than it should have been). When Sirius eventually raises his head, wiping tear-streaked cheeks on the tissue Remus offers, he too seems loathe to disturb the silence. Instead he picks at Remus’ shirt – at where he’s snotted and dribbled and sobbed all over it, and when he finally speaks, he says, only a little shakily, “I’m sorry about your shirt.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Remus says, waving a hand at it. Sirius looks at him for a long moment, and then leans back in to the hug, and Remus wraps his arms around Sirius again. There’s a pause, and Remus feels a little sick with worry at what he has to ask next. “Um, Padfoot. What – what caused this? If you know – there doesn’t have to be a reason, you don’t have to tell me-“ He cuts himself off before he works himself in to a panic, and looks down at the top of Sirius’ head.

Sirius has tensed up in his arms, his hands clenching in to fists in Remus’ shirt. There’s a long pause – this one far less comfortable than before. Remus’ anxiety uncoils itself in his stomach, slithering up through his chest, his throat – he’s ruined everything –

“Prongs is-“ Sirius starts, then takes a deep shaky breath, swiping angrily at his eyes again. Remus swallows, choking the anxiety back down in order to give Sirius his full attention. He gives him a gentle squeeze, and Sirius restarts. “Prongs is my everything, and – his family are my family. They -they – they m-mean s-s-s-s-so-“

“Breathe, sweetheart,” mumbles Remus, and Sirius obediently sucks in a noisy breath, releasing it too quickly.

“They’ve always looked after me, and took me in, even though they d-didn’t have to. They’ve been more of a family than my own were – I’m – Prongs is my best friend, and I know he loves Lily, and I love her too, and I just want him to be happy, but if they get married, they’ll want to start a family, they’ve move out, and l-leave me, and I can’t lose him, Moony – I can’t take it, I can’t let him leave me alone again-“ His voice cracks, and he lets out another sob, pressing his face against Remus’ chest. Remus can only tighten his grip, a painful lump in his throat because he can’t fix this. This is between James and Sirius, and Remus can’t do a thing to help.

(Useless, pointless, waste of space-)

“Padfoot, no, this isn’t – you aren’t going to lose him.” The words tumble out, inarticulate but heartfelt, because Remus would do anything to make this right, anything to make sure that Sirius knows the truth. “Prongs adores you – you’re the centre of his world, and he loves Lily, but he loves you too. I – just because he’s getting married, it doesn’t make you any less important in his life.”

Sirius shakes his head a little, but his tears have slowed, and he’s listening through his sobs.

Remus bites his lip, “have you told Prongs that this is how you feel?”

Sirius hesitates, then shakes his head, “I don’t know how to say – he’ll think I’m so selfish –“

“No,” says Remus, surer now. “He will not, and you know it. You should tell him.” Sirius nods slowly, his breathing raggedy, but slower. “And maybe talk to your therapist? I don’t-“ The uncertainty comes creeping back, but he ploughs on anyway. “I don’t want to tell you what to do. But even if Prongs and Lily move out, even if things change, you won’t be alone. You’ve got all of us, for what it’s worth, you’ve got me.”

“It’s worth more than you know,” whispers Sirius, and the tears that have been lurking behind Remus’ eyes for the last hour finally spill over his lashes, as his heart clenches tightly. He laughs a little shakily, and shifts Sirius in to a different position on his lap. Sirius wipes his eyes again slowly, blows his nose, and then tries for a wobbly smile. Remus smiles back at him (of course he does, he always smiles back at Sirius, it’s an automatic reaction by now).

“And besides, you’ll make the best best man there ever was,” Remus says softly, and Sirius gives a watery chuckle.

“You know it.”

“Ready to head back in?”

Sirius reaches for Remus’ hand, lacing their fingers together, and takes a few deep breaths. “Give me a minute.”

“Sure,” Remus settles back against the wall, allowing Sirius to curl in to him once more. His shirt is sticky and damp and cool against his skin, clinging to his curves in what is surely an unattractive way. His muscles are aching and cramped from sitting on the ground for so long, and his eyes are itching with tiredness. But Sirius is okay – or at least he will be once he and James have communicated properly – and that’s what is important.

*~*~*~*

Sirius barely pauses as he bounds back towards the group. “What are we discussing?” he says, with more bravado than Remus knows he’s feeling, slinging one arm around James’ shoulders. James glances at him, and there’s a silent communication that they’ll discuss this later – are you okay – I’m sorry – I love you and I’m worried about you, before they turn back to the group.

“Fuckin’ Faceswap and Snapchat filters. They never find my fuckin’ face, they’re made for fuckin’ white people,” Frank tell him.

“Preach,” James says, lifting his mocktail.

“And that one that makes you look ‘pretty,’” seethes Alice. “Aka, makes you look like a white person. It’s gross.”

Sirius pouts, his love for Snapchat is no secret – each of them wake up to at least four snaps of him with various filters on every day – but unfortunately, Remus doesn’t get to hear any more, because Tom claps a hand on his shoulder, dragging him away with a stern expression.

“I’m sorry – I can explain –“ Remus begins, the anxiety flooding back so quickly, he thinks he’ll be sick with it, but Tom cuts him off sharply.

“He alright?” he jerks his head at Sirius.

Remus nods slowly, and Tom studies him carefully. Remus breathes deeply, fighting the rising nausea. “Don’t do it again without telling me,” he says eventually, waving a hand to dismiss Remus, and Remus stares, feeling that awful combination of relief and adrenalin that always leaves him a bit shaky. Tom quirks an eyebrow at him. “Go’on, get out. Your shift’s over, you know?”

“Moony!” James is leaning over the bar, and he turns. “We’re heading out, you coming?”

Outside the pub, there’s the usual kerfuffle as everyone hugs everyone else, and it’s still a good twenty minutes before they all head their separate ways. Remus hangs back a little, chatting with Alice, and so he’s surprised when Sirius approaches him, not having left with James and Lily.

“So. Can I interest you in an ice cream?” Sirius asks with an almost self-conscious grin.

Remus laughs, “it’s almost one in the morning, Pads.”

Sirius loops his arm through Remus’, waving cheerily at Alice and Frank, and begins leading him away. “That never stopped us in uni, Moonbeam.”

“True,” Remus can’t fight the grin as he remembers the midnight runs to the local ice cream parlour every time an essay was being particularly troublesome, or when one of them was stressed or sad. Ice cream solved everything, and Remus can guess exactly why Sirius is craving it tonight.

“So, ice cream, yes?”

“I shouldn’t,” Remus says ruefully, sucking in his belly almost unconsciously, and crossing his arms over it. “I’m supposed to be on a diet.”

“What?! Since when?” Sirius looks appalled, and Remus wants to laugh at his defensiveness – he would if it didn’t mean the world, if didn’t warm the iciness of that particular insecurity.

“Since my doctor started nagging at me again. There’re all these studies that link obesity to fibro symptoms getting worse.”

Sirius frowns. “But you’re not obese. You’re just…”

“Overweight.”

“I was going to say chubby,” Sirius says, “and you are adorable and perfect the way you are-“

Remus rolls his eyes. “I don’t need the positive affirmation, Padfoot, you tell me regularly enough as it is.”

“Well, it’s true.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

Sirius sticks his tongue out at Remus, because he is an Actual Child, and says, “we’ll get fucking sorbets then. They’re low calorie.”

“Deal.”

(Sirius absolutely does not get a sorbet – he orders the double-chocolate-fudge ice cream sundae that he knows Remus adores, watches Remus pick miserably at his raspberry sorbet for a few minutes – “why on Earth did you pick raspberry, you don’t even like raspberry?” – before he caves and steals Sirius’ ice cream. Remus can’t hide the toothy, child-like grin on his face at the familiarity of it all, at the comfort, and Sirius beams back at him, and everything is wonderful).

They talk and talk, and eat way more ice cream than they should, and stay up far too late for adults-who-have-work-in-the-morning, but Remus also never wants it to end. It’s like the university days when Sirius would come and drag Remus out of the library at god-knows-o-clock, and just chat to him to distract him from his crippling fear of failure. It’s comfortable and safe and warms Remus’ heart more than good central heating ever could.

When they finally leave, Sirius has an arm around Remus’ waist, and Remus knows that this is just how Sirius is – he’s tactile and loving and gentle – but it feels like so much more, like something has shifted between them. He doesn’t remove his hand as they go to pay-

“No, no, it’s my treat,” Sirius gently pushes Remus’ handful of change out of the way, and produces his own cash. “This is my hard-earned dollar, and I talked you in to this.”

“’Dollar?’” snorts Remus, focusing on Sirius’ dorkiness so that he doesn’t have to think about how close this is to a date, how much they’re blurring that line-

“I am hip, Remus, I know all the lingo,” Sirius says proudly, keeping a straight face for all of three seconds before he laughs.

There’s a lightness in Remus’ chest as he leaves Sirius at the halfway point between their houses – it’s a lightness that is so rare these days, but it fills his entire body, a warm glow resting in his heart. And Remus knows that this cannot last – Sirius is not meant for him, he is worth so much more, but god he is going to enjoy it whilst he can.

#littleoldrachel writes #writing #fic #wolfstar #remus lupin #sirius black #100 ways to say i love you

[almostalyssamarie]

Jily Challenge: January

JILY CHALLENGE

@almostalyssamarie v @meggie-jolly

hogwarts locations + the quidditch pitch

AN: It’s a bit long, and I wanted to get it posted so I didn’t do too much editing. enjoy!

If there were ever a place James Potter would consider himself to be at peace, it would be here. Alone at midnight, bathed in the light of a thankfully waning moon, laying in the carefully kept grass of Hogwarts Quidditch pitch. Sure, it was a bit cold with the Scottish wind whistling around him as he wasn’t exactly dressed in his warmest clothes. The scarlet button-up he wore was thin, even with his thick woolen vest pulled over it. In his haste to flee the castle, the only cloak he thought to grab was great for subtly, not warmth. Even so, here, at night, with no crowd in the stands, no broom in his hands he took solace in the fact he was no one to the abandoned arena. He was not Number 07 Potter, Quidditch Captain, nor James Potter, Gryffindor and Head Boy, nor Jamie Fleamont Potter, sole son of the renowned potioneer and his loving wife. With no one around and only his thoughts, he could step away from his responsibilities for a moment. After all, the towering hoops gave no thought towards the sneered Potter, blood traitor and enemies of Slytherins and Death Eaters alike. The firm ground didn’t protest to bearing the weight of the well-worn Mr. Potter, who at age 17 had already been called to fight in a war he was all too aware of. He was too hidden from the thick cover of the forest to be Prongs, marauder, brother, and protector of his own as they struggled with their fear, their anger, and in Remus’ case, their curse. Yes, James Potter was nearly at peace, left with only one identity, one that these days seemed impossible to shake. Even here, he could not cease to be James Potter, the boy madly in love with Lily Evans.

Even out in the cold, James couldn’t forget how everything had seemed to be afire. With every fireplace roaring, and nearly every student from fifth year above filling the transformed Great Hall, James could feel the stray beads of sweat gathering at the nape of his neck. He would have tugged at his collar then if it weren’t for Remus’ arm resting casually on his shoulders. The fact that his dark eyes were alight in a way that rarely happened so soon after a full moon filled James with a warmth he could not so easily disregard. Especially when the low peals of Peter’s laughter beside him were so delightfully distracting. He didn’t have to taste the drink Sirius had practically forced in his hand to know that it was spiked, but the burn of Firewhiskey balanced the holiday punch well. If the first drink had him sputtering, the genuine smile on his best friend’s handsome face had him taking a second. Absorbed in his own corner of the world, he was still all too aware of the flame flitting across the room, fanning a fire inside him he had long since hoped to extinguish.

Lily Evans was a vision in her carefully tailored emerald dress robes, a single silk strap cutting across alabaster skin, her fiery hair curled and pinned elegantly to the side. She wore the color combination better than any of the other festive students, than the giant Christmas trees standing proud, than the mistletoe James had helped hang himself. If his field of vision were to extend beyond Lily, he might have noticed he was not the only one having these thoughts, as several other sets of eyes followed the beloved head girl across the floor. Instead a well-placed punchline from Remus had Peter drawing James back into the fray. With a fleeting look towards Lily conversing with Marlene McKinnon, he turned back to the Marauders.

There they stood, shoulder to shoulder with near identical grins that, if James weren’t used to, would be mildly terrifying. James barely found it disconcerting.

“What? Is my shirt on backwards? Did Pads shave a design into the back of my hair again? Oh god- you didn’t lace my drink, did you? Liquor is one thing, but you know even I have standards!” His expression was one of mock horror, and he was personally patting himself on the back for a riveting performance when Sirius shook his head. Looking to Remus and Peter, who gave him an affirming nod, he stepped forward, putting his hand on James’ shoulder.

“Prongs, my guy… Just go ask her to dance.”

Despite the fact he had spent a good deal of time watching the aforementioned her throughout the night, it took James a second to realize what Sirius was suggesting he do. Rolling his eyes, he shrugged his friend’s hand off, hoping it came across as casually as he was aiming.

“Nah, I mean, she’s having fun, we’re having fun-“ Peter snorted, earning a scowl from James and an elbow from Remus. “Guys, we’ve had this discussion. I’m done making moves on Lil- Dammit, Sirius! Stop giving me that look.” Remus, trying to spare himself of the wrestling match sure to ensue, stepped forward then, throwing another elbow into Sirius’ stomach as he caught sight of his wiggling eyebrows.

“What Padfoot is trying to say, is that you can ask her to dance without making any moves. You’re Head Boy, she’s Head Girl… It’s probably some sort of unofficial tradition.” The pointed look Remus gave him was encouraging, a direct contradiction of the crude hand signals being thrown behind his back.

James considered it, deciding Remus was right. After punching Sirius in the arm and ducking away before he had time to return an attack, James refocused, taking no time at all to locate Lily… her head thrown back in laughter, cheeks flushed as she spun in the arms of some Ravenclaw James didn’t recognize. He could acknowledge it was a rash reaction. But it didn’t stop him from disappearing into the hall, pulling the invisibility cloak from his back pocket and sneaking away.

And now, the boy who loved was here, sprawling under the watch of a sky full of stars and four decorated towers, his chest aching with cold and something he refused to name. Eyes closed behind his glasses, James intertwined his fingers with the frostbitten grass, yearning to sink just a little bit further, until Lily Evans was but a seed planted in his mind.

“James?”

A quiet, but familiar voice stoked the fire within like a hot poker, and he opened his eyes. Standing above him, green silk peeking out from behind a winter cloak was the flower herself.

Neither of them said anything, yet the silence was not awkward. It was accompanied by the rustling of the Forbidden Forest and punctuated by the sound of the Giant Squid breaking the surface of the Black Lake. A moment, or perhaps a lifetime later, Lily shrugged, making up her mind on an argument only she seemed to be having. With all the grace she could muster on a grassy field in heels, she sank to her knees, comfortable only when she was laying besides James, close enough he could feel the heat radiating off her in waves. He did his best not to scoot closer, to tiptoe, not sprint across the hot coals, but he couldn’t resist turning his head to face her. He was only half surprised to find she was looking back, no real explanation on her face as to why she had left her date to find him here. James could only hold his tongue for so long before asking the question that was plaguing him the most.

“Aren’t you worried you’re going to ruin your dress?” He inquired, reaching over to gingerly brush his knuckles across a piece of the fabric closest to him, all too aware of how close he came to brushing her side. Lily shivered, and James told himself it was because of the wind.

Lily shook her head then, proving she also lacked concern over the state of her hair, which James could see was already falling out of its pins, loose tendrils curling around her neck. Again he fought the urge to twirl one around his finger, to feel her pulse beneath his fingertips.

“I’ve heard magical dry cleaning does wonders. Besides, it’s just a dress. The real question is, aren’t you afraid you’re going to ruin your circulation?” Lily motioned towards his half extended hand and the reddened fingers now nearly clenched into a fist.

She made a disapproving noise before reaching for it, slender fingers shooting electricity up James’ arm as she pried them out of the ball they were in. “If you keep them like that any longer they’re going to freeze like that. Then you’re going to snap them off trying open them. And even you can’t fly without fingers” The statement was ridiculous coming out of Lily’s mouth in such a matter of fact tone, and James couldn’t help the short “Ha!” that escaped, nor the wide smile that continued to nearly split his face when she laughed too.

“Well then maybe you should help warm them up, Evans”

It was meant to be a quip, a sassy piece of banter not unusual for their interactions. Instead, it came out quieter, almost soft, inflections in all the wrong places. Lily didn’t seem to notice. Instead, she looked thoughtful before wrapping both her hands around his, closing the few inches of distance left between them as she shifted.

There was another silence, during which James considered the pros and cons of interrupting, asking how she found him, why she decided to look. He didn’t get any further than opening his mouth before Lily turned her head towards him, her voice somehow but steady yet unsure.

“You know, you could have asked me. To dance, I mean… I was waiting. Marlene told me there was no way you wouldn’t be over. But then Marlene suggested David show me how to Waltz- I was bloody awful, by the way. By the time I looked back over, you were gone…” She let her voice trail, but he could hear the question behind it, could see the concern reflecting in her gold rimmed eyes.

A million thoughts flashed through James’ mind, a million questions, an itemized list of three years’ worth of moments he had long since stopped trying to overanalyze that suddenly seemed to have new meanings. But…

If there were ever a place James Potter would consider himself to be at peace, it would be here.  With Lily past midnight, bathed in the light of a thankfully waning moon, laying close enough he could hear every breath she took, her hand in his.

Talking could wait.

Turning his palm until it pressed against hers, James let out the breath he hadn’t meant to be holding when she curled her fingers around his. Her smile was nothing extraordinary, just a slight upward turn of her tinted lips, but it was enough. Pressed shoulder to shoulder in the carefully kept grass of Hogwarts Quidditch pitch, James Potter was content with being the boy in love with Lily Evans.

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