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ldysmfrst · 13 days

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Breaking and Entering (1) - Lovren

Status: Ongoing Series (hiatus - may start again based on responses)

Chapter number: 1 of unknown

Word count for Chapter: 2,949

Word count for Story: 2,949

Genre: Werewolf

A little about the author: I am a mother of two beautiful children. One of which is special needs, and on 3/28, they lost 75% of their vision. I started a Patreon if you feel the heart to donate towards helping with the medical costs of appointments, medication, and modifications to the house, which insurance doesn't cover.

Warnings: (I am not good at this, but I will try. Let me know if I missed anything!!) NOT BETA READ!! This story will have a bit of angst, fluff, smut, f/m, and m/m. This chapter does mention parent death and foster care.

Side note: This is the first story I have ever written. Since I am laid up on pain meds from almost breaking my ankle, I thought I would share something with you, my dearest readers. This will be posted on my Patreon as well. I hope you enjoy it!

High school was the last milestone for youth everywhere. Mine happens to be at Lunar Ridge High. Like most high schools, there are three main cliques at LRH: The Clackers, The Worms, and The Invisibles.

The Clackers are the popular students consisting of cheerleaders, prepsters, and jocks. I call them ‘The Clackers’ because the girls always wear high heels that clack on the school floor, announcing their presence wherever they go. The jocks and male prepsters are also classified as members of the Clackers because where a Clacker girl is, you will find a Clacker guy. They follow them, acting like a starving dog after a juicy steak. It is disgusting and barbaric, but they are teenage boys.

The Worms are all the nerdy students, such as spelling bee champs, straight-A students, and World Peace-type kids. They controlled all the science labs throughout the day. If they were not there, they took over the bleachers and discussed the newest technology or scientific discovery.

Last and most certainly least is The Invisibles. The name explains itself. They need to be more intelligent and politically inclined to be a Worm. They don’t qualify in looks, popularity, or athleticism to be considered a Clacker; therefore, they are Invisible to everyone. Imagine every Invisible to act like Violet from “The Impossibles,” just disappearing whenever they need to.

One of the main reasons I can pick my clique at LRH is that the Clackers and the Worms look like they belonged on the cover of Italian Vogue. I swear this town must have something in the water or outstanding genetics.

The LRH campus should belong in the middle of a metropolis, not some dinky mountain town. A strange thing about LRH is the lack of fencing around the school. There is nothing to define where the school grounds start or end. A vast parking lot is out front, and a beautiful forest leads to a mountain range behind. They don’t seem to care about people or wildlife coming and going as they please. It makes me curious about how the school deals with truancies.

LRH is a clean school with five double-story buildings, a pool, and a soccer field. The first buildings you see at LRH include the café and the gymnasium. Both are single-story buildings with very dynamic renderings of running wildlife. No, I take that back: running wolves. It is a beautiful mural, and with all the howling at night around this town, it makes perfect sense they choose wolves as the focus. Between them sits the administration building, the tallest building on campus, and in Lunar Ridge.

The admin building is the only part of the school open year-round at 6:00 a.m., closes at 6:00 p.m., and allows anyone in town to come in and check out books. With its impressive size, the admin building is a gateway to the school. It is a significantly modernized building for a city this size. It has floor-to-ceiling windows, which creates a very open and welcoming feeling. It also has a 13 Ghosts-styled glasshouse creepiness to it. The first floor holds the typical High School admin offices, and the second through the fourth floor contains the town library with pristine glass walls.

If you love books, it is a breathtaking view. The top floor is restricted. Only ones with a special badge to open the elevators and business people come and go like it’s the Town Hall. Unlike the other floors, the top level looked like it had a glassy material, but you couldn’t see into it like the other floors. If it is the Town Hall, it makes sense that privacy must be needed.

The cluster of buildings on the other side of the parking lot from the school would be considered the bustling town of Lunar Ridge. It is a simple town. There is a Main Street center, a few convenience and gas combo stores, two grocery stores, a twin drive-in movie theater, and a large city park with an aquatic center.

There wasn’t even a “Starbucks” or “Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf” in sight, and the closest mall was in the next town over, wherever that is.

I live in Lunar Ridge with the Moores family: Rachel, Jonathan, and their daughter Selena. Selena is about three months older than me. She is the LRH varsity cheerleading co-captain with the classic Barbie doll look, platinum blonde hair, crystal blue eyes, and perky body features—a carbon copy of Rachel.

Rachel was the Varsity Cheerleader Captain when she attended LRH and doesn’t seem to age… at all. If you compare the photos of her on the walls to how she looks now, you would think she was her own younger sister. She works part-time as a receptionist for LRH to “keep herself busy.”

On the other hand, Johnathan probably was a Worm back in the day and is the current Lunar Ridge Police Chef. Come to think of it, I never see him in a police uniform, just all-black bouncer-type clothes. He has pitch-black hair with some gray showing that looks more like silver strokes of lightning. John has the brightest, friendliest brown eyes on the planet.

He loves Rachel and Selena to the ends of the earth, and you can tell they love him back just as much. Jonathan welcomes me the most out of all the Moores family, making staying here a little more bearable.

Selena is dating the soccer team captain, Mitchell “Mitch” Gunner. Mitch is your typical soccer guy, standing about 6’ 2” with a runner’s body. You wouldn’t know that he is buff until you see him practice. Then, you can finally see the rippling muscles under his sun-kissed skin. His eyes are blue but more dark blue than Selena’s crystal blue. However, their hair color seems like they got the same dye job.

Mitch is also one of the only “kids” I know to have a badge for the private elevator at the library.

Mitch and Selena were always the ones that had the most significant Clacker following. They both had suitors crushing on them regularly. They tried their best to gain a moment of their attention despite the lack of care from either Mitch or Selena. The followers acted as if their happiness depended on the presence of Selena or Mitch.

Strangely enough, neither one of them hung out together in or out of school. Sure, they acknowledged each other in the halls, but you would not have pegged them as friends.

That all changed at Selena’s 18th birthday party. Everyone and their brother seemed to be at the Moores’ home for the party. I stayed in my room for the party. I had only been with the Moores’ for about two months, and I didn’t want to deal with explaining who I was. Especially since I wasn’t going to be staying long.

Apparently, I missed out on something huge. Now, all of a sudden, Selena and Mitch go everywhere together. They are together at the park, at the house, everywhere! All their suitors suddenly stopped. It was as if there was a switch that intensified everything between the two of them. It suited me just fine because that meant fewer people to avoid over the rest of the summer break.

Selena continued blabbering about how they were Royalty because they were the first senior couple. It has done wonders for their egos, and I am surprised they can still fit through a doorway.

No, I am not related to the Moores. They are foster family number eleven, but then again, who’s counting? I can hardly remember anything about my parents besides what the incident report tells me. All it tells me is that they died on the scene of a car accident while on their way home.

I was only seven when it happened, and every time I try to get a copy of the report, it is always blacked out. The doctors say I can’t or won’t be able to remember much of my life before the accident because of something to do with the Post-Traumatic Stress of losing them. I do know they were my only family, so I got put into the foster system.

The Moores are considered family number eleven because I don’t belong as an add-on. I wouldn’t have lost my parents if the powers-that-be wanted me in a family. Another reason why I have been with so many families is because it aggravates the foster families when the cops keep bringing you home. Then they don’t want you anymore as it is too much drama for them. Before you know it, you are off to the next family.

Eleven families in ten years means I am with most families for less than a year. I don’t even count families I stay with for under three months. So far, I have lasted with the Mors for four months, officially making them family number eleven.

My name is Lovren, which means “dear secret” in Old English, but I tend to go by Ren. No, I don’t care to have a last name. The foster system decided my surname would be that of whatever family I was with at the time. I have been with one too many to remember. So, technically, my last name is Moores.

I am seventeen and have fair skin with some freckles splattered about. I stand at 5’9” and weigh about 240 lbs, most of which is in my butt and my thighs. I guess I am what some people call “curvy” or fat; which one they use depends on if they are talking to me or talking about me.

I am proudly one of the few Invisible seniors at LRH. I was placed in the middle of Nowheresville in late spring, and because my grades are always stellar, I didn’t need to attend LRH for the remainder of my junior year. Besides, it would have been annoying for everyone if I left before the 3-month “trial period” ended.

When I moved in, the Moores gave me Selena’s old room, including her bedroom set, and, this time, I could bring most of my clothes. I only bring a little with me from house to house. It makes things easier for me. I want to save time and effort about little items getting lost.

The only thing important to me is the only picture I own, and it is one of my mother and father in their engagement photo with me in her baby bump.

Honestly, the system put me with this family and this town because they didn’t think I could cause much trouble.

My favorite place in this whole teeny tiny town is the library. I like to sit on the fourth floor in the southeast corner. There is a desk with a Mac, a comfy loveseat, and a perfect view of the town. If I get to school early enough, I can watch the sunrise. I love watching the dark shadows return to the mountains as the sun wakes the town.

In the few months I have been here, I have never seen anyone, aside from the random cop-looking guys, in this section of the library. They are all pleasant and leave me alone. I am not sure if it is because I am just sitting there or if Jon told them who I was.

My go-to section is the Romance and Fantasy section. All the shifter, vampire, and magic-styled romance, erotica, and adventure stories that I could read were my secret obsession.

Sadly, with school starting today, I must be reasonable and focused on my studies. I had one of the highest GPAs in all my previous schools and want to keep that up. I don’t want anyone to know because I don’t want to be noticed by The Worms.

I only have eight more months before the Moores inevitably find some reason to kick me out. This means I will not be graduating from LRH, so what’s the point of fitting in and finding friends?

I have my day already figured out. Since I am a senior, they let me pick my class schedule. When not hiding in the library before and after school, I sit in the back corner of my classes nearest the exit. I prefer sitting there because I can get in and out of my classes without bumping into anyone. Like every new school, the teachers will keep trying to get me to participate.

Most students who “are like me” don’t care to pay attention, get into trouble, and fail their classes. They were wrong about one thing: I wouldn’t fail any of my classes. My teachers typically learn not to call on me because I don’t want to answer their questions. I wouldn’t put it past some of the student body to end up thinking I am mute and probably dumb.

I’m lucky to have a free period right before lunch, making it easy to get my food before anyone else even gets out of class. It will also allow me to go into the library to eat by myself without anyone noticing. I am pretty sure the librarian knows I have eaten inside over the summer break. Still, she’s never said anything to me. I hope now that school starts, she doesn’t decide to have a problem with it. I always ensure it looks like I was never there when I leave the area.

Then again, that is how I tend to leave everywhere I visit, hence being an Invisible. Now that you are up to speed, let’s move on.

Today, it consists of black ladies-styled boxer shorts with a matching black jersey knit sports bra. Black bootcut jeans, a black tank top tucked in with a deep purple crop top with sleeves made with black lacing that ends slightly past my fingertips. My outfit is complete with black Doc Martens and a pullover hoodie with an artist rendering of Harley Quinn in Joker colors, purple and green.

My favorite colors are black and purple, and yes, I always like to layer my clothes like a Russian Nesting Doll. Trust me, layering my clothes is beneficial in many ways.

My brown wavy hair isn’t long enough to put into a tie, so I brush it out and pray it doesn’t frizz. I don’t wear any makeup because I don’t want to be teased by everyone for trying to be like The Clackers because I sure as heck don’t have the body for it.

The absence of all makeup also allows me to draw less attention to my eyes, which is my favorite asset. I always thought my eyes were the one part of me that connected me to my parents. Why avoid others noticing?

Because making eye contact with someone always turns the conversation from a pleasant one into a retelling of the story of my parent’s death. Ultimately, it always became a pity party that started because they wanted to know how I got to have two different colored eyes.

One eye is brown, like muddy water, and the other is green, like smashed peas. I have learned that avoiding eye contact is the best thing to do. Avoiding eye contact can be challenging here since most of the talking at Lunar Ridge involves either staring at each other or staring off into space.

I ran downstairs, grabbing my black leather backpack and a Monster Java Energy Drink. Don’t judge; Javas are my secret to being a morning dove, not a chronically exhausted pigeon, since I have always been a night owl.

I am out the door at 6:15 a.m. before anyone else in the house wakes up. Successfully avoiding the morning chitchat.

“How did you sleep?”

“What are you doing today?”

“Do you remember blah blah blah?”

I hate forced conversations with Rachel and Selena. When I talk with Jonathan, they never seem forced. It’s like he cares and is interested in what I will say instead of just wanting me to sit and listen to the rant or boast about whatever is happening.

My classes don’t start until 8 a.m., so I have plenty of time to walk to school. I don’t have a car and don’t want to catch the bus, so yes, I walk by myself in the wee hours of the morning.

Selena has a Mustang that is bright pink and white. Her “pony,” as she calls it, is a typical Clacker car that I wouldn’t be caught dead in, don’t worry; the feeling is mutual. Besides, I like the walk even though the Moores’ house is on the opposite side of the town.

I know I rag on this town being small, secluded, and plain lost. However, I enjoy seeing the quaint Main Street shops before the people start buzzing around. It allows me to feel calm.

Watching the shops prepare to open, smelling the fresh bread from the bakery, and feeling the fresh morning dew relaxes my soul as I walk every morning. I have no doubt you have figured out that I like to keep to myself as much as possible. Walks like this allowed me to enjoy my last bit of alone time before facing the crowded school where I would be crammed into seven hours a day, five days a week.

Taglist - Open

#ldysmfst fic #breaking and entering #werewolf #werewolves #plus sized mc #foster care #parent death #high school #fated mates #moon mates #a/b/o dynamics #alpha beta omega

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moonlightdancer26 · 3 years

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My unpopular Harry Potter opinions:

Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy should’ve ended up together (still love Romione).

James Potter and Sirius Black should’ve totally been a thing.

Jily absolutely sucks.

James Potter and Sirius Black are terrible people.

Albus Dumbledore isn’t all that great. 😬 He’s not evil but he’s a manipulative bastard.

Severus Snape is a hero (oop that’s a cold hard fact).

Severus Snape was not obsessed with Lily, he genuinely loved her (we got another cold hard fact).

Hagrid was more of a father-figure to Harry than Sirius Black ever was.

Lily Evans/Potter was a total bitch. She was selfish, bitchy, shallow, self-righteous, and was a terrible friend to Severus.

Harry Potter and Hermione Granger would’ve been horrible together. They’re like brother and sister, and most people who ship them ship them because of the movies.

Wolfstar (Sirius Black x Remus Lupin) is a terrible ship and is extremely overrated.

Cho Chang doesn’t deserve the hate she gets.

Hermione Granger can be a bit of a bitch. I love Hermione but she acts morally superior just because she reads more than others, she can be quite judgemental, close-minded, and bitchy.

Ginny Weasley can also be a bit of a bitch. I love Ginny but she has her flaws.

Percy Weasley deserved so much better.

Fred and George were bullies who were often sadistic (I love them but they’re hella flawed).

Fleur Delacour deserved so much better.

Tom Riddle Sr. REALLY doesn’t deserve the hate he gets.

Merope Gaunt is a terrible person. She’s literally a rapist, she’s sympathised with far too much. Yes, she was abused by her disgusting family and I feel bad for her, but she literally raped a man. And yet she’s still painted as a poor angel who was abandoned by her cruel husband, and Tom Riddle Sr. is painted as a terrible person for abandoning her. How DARE he abandon his rapist, he’s such an awful person. Like... would y’all be saying the same if the genders were switched??

Remus Lupin was an irresponsible coward who completely deserved to be fired.

Severus Snape in PoA was 100% right.

McGonagall and Hagrid are straight up child abusers. Even in Hogwarts standards... which says a lot.

McGonagall was a pretty shitty teacher (I love her but she’s... 😬😬).

Severus Snape gets far too much hate for his teaching skills (he’s basically a saint compared to the other teachers, at Hogwarts he can hardly be considered a bully).

Molly Weasley was very judgmental, bitchy, and shallow. She favoured Harry and some of her kids way too much, to the point where she legitimately forgot that Fred and George existed, and where Ronald genuinely believed that she preferred Harry over him. I love her but she has her flaws.

The Slytherin house deserved so much better.

Regulus Black is NOT “the true Slytherin Hero.” Severus Snape is. And no one can ever change that.

Regulus Black was honestly a better person than Sirius. Yeah, we literally know almost nothing about him, but in many ways he’s a lot better than Sirius Black.

Lily Potter is only really a prettier and more talented version of Petunia Dursley.

This isn’t really an unpopular opinion but I’ll still put it here. I always found the way Rowling described Snape’s EVERY feature and facial expression a bit odd. Then I saw something that really made me think:

“Rowling may have had a (little) crush on the man Severus Snape was based on (John Nettleship, if you didn’t already know), because she seems to be a bit obsessed with Snape, wrote more about him than any other adult character (except Albus I guess) and obsessively describes his every gesture.”

It’s a pretty fun theory, and I believe that she had a crush on him when she was a teenager (he’s extremely handsome). She described the man in such detail that her friends recognised him from the way he moved.

Draco Malfoy, yes, deserves so much better, but he does NOT—I repeat— DOES NOT deserve a redemption arc more than Severus Snape.

Peter Pettigrew is not cowardly. I’ve said this in another one of my posts and I’ll say it again: It takes massive balls to betray your friends without coercion, massacre a dozen people at once and cut off your finger to frame one of your friends, hide for 12 years in your Animagus form, kidnap and murder a Ministry employee, find a disembodied Voldy Moldy, and rejuvenate him, cutting off your own hand in the process.

Sirius Black and Bellatrix Lestrange were way more similar than many people realise.

Snape deserved more that just being the middle name. In my opinion, Severus Albus Potter is so much better. Like, damn. Severus Potter has a ring to it.

Lavender Brown deserved so much better. Yeah, she was clingy and a bit annoying but she was just an ordinary teenage girl. She gets far too much hate.

Ginny Weasley and Neville Longbottom could’ve had so much potential. Same with Neville and Hermione.

Remadora gets way too much hate.

Snily gets WAYYYYYYYYY too much hate

Sirius Black would’ve honestly been so much better as a villain! He would be so fucking badass, and I would absolutely love him.

Harry Potter and Luna Lovegood had so much potential.

Petunia should be pitied. Can you really imagine your sister being a witch and going to a magical school and you not being able to go? I don’t blame her for being jealous, her parents favoured Lily over her. [But of course that doesn’t justify her treating Harry like crap.]

Albus Severus Potter and Scorpius Malfoy should’ve ended up together.

Severus Snape and Narcissa Malfoy had so much potential.

Tedromeda and Drastoria are extremely underrated and are never talked about.

Blaise Zabini and Luna Lovegood should’ve totally been a thing.

Peter Pettigrew is actually quite sympathetic.

These are my unpopular HP opinions, I’m pretty sure there’s more but I can’t think of any right now. Of course, these are just my opinions, feel free to disagree! :)

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evakuality · 3 years

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Matteo - Episode three

Social Media - There’s so much of it this week! At the time, I only followed a couple of accounts and then only saw the rest when it was posted to the tag. I think I’m grateful for that. This is absolutely overwhelming, the sheer volume of things the characters were putting out. But it’s also really nice that we get all this normal teenage life stuff. It really does allow an immersive ‘this is real people doing real stuff’ feeling to everything. Particularly people like Kiki and Sam who have little to do with the plot. It keeps them real and alive through a season where they were a bit more sidelined (and I love that Matteo and David’s little trip later on keeps them alive in a way that doesn’t overpower Amira’s season - this is a really clever way for the producers to keep fan favourites active without having to shoehorn them into places where they don’t belong). I am also a bit concerned about some of this though - how on earth did the boys not get in trouble for filming the dancing girls and posting it to social media? At most schools I know that would have resulted in some serious discipline action. However, the most fascinating thing about the social media is the party at the end of the episode. Sara didn’t start posting much on her stuff until much later in the evening (the reason this post is so late is because I was waiting to watch through all the social media before I worked with it - and there was so much for so long that I was able to notice the patterns in it in a way I didn’t at the time) and then Leonie took over and it was interesting what she chose to show and how non-perfect it all was compared to what Sara was trying to do before she got really incapacitated. I know it’s not technically part of this episode but the text string between the two of them the next day where Sara panics over how Matteo might take seeing her in such a sloppy drunken state is very telling. She really really wants to put on a show to make sure he’s not turned off by her not being ‘perfect’ - again, this is all very subtly done but there’s a really strong push to show how much of what is put onto social media isn’t a real and true depiction of who we really are. And of course that’s most important for Matteo himself. He’s still very actively putting on a front and it’s only partly to try to cover for the fact that he’s interested in boys not girls. He’s really not happy or at ease with pretty much any aspect of himself, but he’s also not really willing to show it to anyone. Except David. Which we’ll see as we go through the clips.

Clip one - Matteo’s shelf in the fridge is so sad! Someone (a parent maybe?) should really be making sure he has food and is looking after himself. We touched a bit last episode on food and nurturing and what we see here is Matteo very much not nurturing himself. Even more so than Sara, he has no care for his own wellbeing. Also he’s relying heavily on other people (Hans in this case) to do the heavy lifting for him. It’s also a major contrast to the playful, if disgusting, sandwich he made with David. Here it’s really just about putting something in to his body and there’s no thought for anything other than basic survival. Which is, tbh, a good metaphor for Matteo’s approach to his life at this time. The chat with Mia again veers close to things that are difficult for Matteo - he’s wearing David’s beanie, trying to get that bit of closeness to him, but then Mia starts asking awkward questions about why the kitchen was so terrible and what Matteo was up to and it’s all a bit tough. Matteo tries again to deflect and lie to cover his tracks. Which... is he ever going to learn? This lying is forever getting him in hot water when he’s caught out. Jonas even calls him out on it, basically saying ‘if you’re going to use me as an excuse then give me a heads up first’ showing that he has Matteo’s back, but is incapable of helping him if he won’t help himself. At this point, of course, Matteo has closed off because there’s a lot he finds too hard to talk about but Jonas is already giving those hints that he’d be there for Matteo if only Matteo would let him be. But at least Mia’s pushing serves one purpose - Matteo makes contact with David again and they manage to connect and get over the little hitch that David’s ditching caused. Both are still hiding bits of themselves from each other (David more so obviously), but both are quite happy to make these connections and are comfortable with each other. That David responds is so nice; it sets up the dynamic so different to the original and Matteo is much more secure in David’s friendship than Isak was with Even at this point just because of this. Then of course Matteo does the gay test, and it’s clear he already knows but he’s just sort of trying to work through some things. It leads to some of the things he says later that are quite unfortunate (both to the boys about the dance teacher in this episode and to Hans later about the ways to be gay), but I think there’s a genuine desire to figure out what gay might look like rather than any truly homophobic stuff. societal expectations and stereotypes and our own internal biases mess with us big time!!

Clip two - There’s not a lot of difference with the dancing girls clip, but it’s nice to see David again and the interactions between him and Matteo are a lot more natural than with Isak and Even. I guess because these two are in the same year, it’s much easier to pass off knowing each other and so Matteo really is a lot more casual than Isak ever was. The tone of the ‘why does he have to be so gay’ is different here too - Matteo’s much more low key and subdued when he’s called out on ‘why do we insult gays’ and he’s apologising fairly quickly. It really is much more obvious that he’s trying to work out what ‘gay’ is than trying to distance himself from the idea of being gay. He has a lot of issues and a lot of stuff to work through but it’s entrenched in an entirely different way to the og even though the words are almost exactly the same. The power of acting and body language!! Of course, this makes sense for both characters too - Isak and Matteo have different experiences and different lives and so they each act in a way that makes sense for them. I’m super impressed that the same conversation can look so different - both actors are very very good.

Clip three - This scene with Matteo and Sara works much better for me than the one with Isak and Emma. But perhaps that’s because Sara is allowed to be much more of a rounded character rather than a plot device. We can say all we like (and Leonie is so clearly right there with us) that Sara needs to wake up and see how badly Matteo is treating her, but the way this is developing makes it clear why she thinks and acts the way she does and we can have a lot of sympathy for her even while rolling our eyes at how obviously this is not working out. This right here is the moment where Matteo really should have said ‘yeah sorry, this isn’t working for me’ but he chooses not to because he still wants that security of having ‘someone’ if the thing with David turns out the way he expects it to (eg, David and Leonie being a thing). He wants the ability to hide and say ‘see, there was nothing there, I have a girlfriend so I’m not at all upset that David has one too’ and it’s shitty behaviour and it’s totally unfair to Sara, but at this point Matteo can’t see beyond his own needs. Sara is very clearly not happy with the situation and she rightly feels sidelined and unappreciated but she is still willing to accept his word when she puts those words into his mouth. She’s still invested in this fantasy in her head and she is carefully scripting it so that it goes the way she wants it to. Like last week when she was talking over Matteo to avoid hearing anything he’s saying, here she’s literally telling him what to say to get the outcome she wants. Leonie has quite obviously got a better handle on the situation, but Sara doesn’t want to hear it. Sara, again bless her, is very open about what she wants and needs from a relationship and how she’s feeling. She refuses to take Matteo’s very half-hearted attempt at sweet talking her at face value and demands some accountability. But it’s the very nature of those demands that sets her doom. She tells him what she needs and he gives it to her - only it’s a very pale and weak imitation of what she would really like. He uses her communication skills to play her.

Clip four - I loathe how no-one takes Matteo’s wants and needs into account, pretty much ever. He’s in such a rut of being used to just going with the flow that even when he tries to assert his own wants people straight up ignore him. It’s sad that he allows Kiki etc to basically commandeer his home for their party but it’s very much in keeping with how everything else is going. Last week, Kiki was super irritated because she had a picture of how things were going to go (they would have their event and Matteo would host it) and she couldn’t deal with things not being under her control. I suspect that if Sara hadn’t been with them and hadn’t done the speaking for Matteo, he would have been bullied into doing what she wanted then too. He clearly doesn't want to do this , but at least he uses it as a way to get closer to David. ‘Well, this party idea sucks, but maybe I can get this guy I like there’ and so he goes right up to him and invites him. While he’s quite checked out of significant parts of his life, when Matteo really wants something he’s not scared of going after it. Of course, as we see in later events, this gets him in trouble at times. But for right now it’s nice to see him taking some small control of his life. This is only possible, of course, because he was able to connect with David fairly quickly after he left last week. The fact that they are able to do this is testament to how easily they do understand each other and even while its awkward, this relationship doesn’t have the underlying tensions that the one with Sara does. It’s awkward in a positive way.

Clip five - there’s lots going on in this one. The studying and how little interest and engagement Matteo has with it. The consequent stalking of David on Sara’s account, the flow over into looking for David’s favourite movie, and of course Hans and his intrusion into Matteo’s quiet space again and then his attempt at using grindr. It’s a slow, fairly quiet clip and yet Matteo ends up doing a lot in it. It shows again, I think, just how much he values his time by himself and how much it works for him to be allowed to do things at his own pace. I’ve said before I really enjoy seeing the characters in their own environments being chill and just hanging with themselves. It shows us a lot of how they are. In this case, Matteo moves very quickly from the boredom of the studying to things he has more interest in. Like David. He’s restless and disengaged, using all of his tricks to try to distract himself (playing with plants etc) and then very quickly giving up on what he should do. I like that we get these sorts of smaller, lower key indications of how much David means to him as well. It’s not big grandiose expressions of interest, but he watches the movie because David likes it. He can’t even let himself stare at the picture for too long because it feels like a huge admission (he literally breaks eye contact with it and looks away the way he often does with David himself). It’s in these unguarded moments in his own space that we really see Matteo and he’s a mess, but he’s a mess who really does want connection and to find meaning with someone.

Clip six - We all love this one, right? It’s such a nice moment with David and their almost-kissing is very intense. But there’s a lot going on before that that I also want to look at. First, the way the boys call Matteo a ‘player’?????? how???? That’s his girlfriend????? He is playing her and stringing her along when he shouldn’t, but he’s not playing the field which is generally what we mean when we say this sort of thing. He has one girl and that one girl has made it pretty clear that he is hers. In many ways Matteo would be better off if he was playing the field - then there’s no expectations and he gets a rep as a ladies man. But this works better for him - he can sort of fall into it and follow along with it without having to put any effort in at all. She literally speaks for him, even. I have always found it fascinating how much Matteo keeps to himself in this clip. He hugs the walls like they’re his home and Sara is out there in the middle and there’s such a disconnect between the way they’re both acting. How would Matteo have coped with the expectations Sara outlines about sex had she not got so blind drunk she had to be taken home? It seems like it would have led to something very awkward and maybe she’d have finally got the picture.

Laura's little visit to see Matteo is cute too. Obviously she knows that David is interested and so she checks him out. It’s a shame it’s interrupted by Hans who then monopolises Matteo, but she was quite deliberate in finding him and speaking with him and I love the sibling support. David’s shirt he chooses to appeal to Matteo is hilarious too. The thought process (and the discussions with Laura at home beforehand) must have been brilliant. ‘I always wear black and am mysterious and aloof and cool, but to attract this boy I will wear a white shirt with a stupid picture on it’ - that it does attract Matteo just shows how attuned David is to his future boyfriend. Maybe he’s stalking the instagrams too - the Matteo Monday and Florenzi Friday do suggest that this is something that might appeal to Matteo.

Hans and Andi bother me too. In much the same way that I dislike that Sara assumes that Matteo not wanting sex with her means he’s gay (like? It’s okay not to want sex!! It doesn’t say anything about your sexuality), I don’t like that Hans has talked about Matteo to Andi and allows him to be so forward and aggressively sexual with someone who is very obviously not willing to be out. I know Hans is trying to be there for Matteo and to encourage him to accept himself (I think it’s pretty clear that he knows or thinks Matteo likes guys). But this is a party with all of Matteo’s friends. What did they think would happen? Why did they think he’d react in any way other than the one he does? Hans looks confused when Matteo pushes away and leaves, but why? This behaviour is entirely consistent with everything we know of his character. That it ends in an actual panic attack makes it all much more sad and difficult to watch. Honestly, outing people when they’re not ready is not cool and Hans should know this.

The panic attack itself is so well done. There’s no dialogue and yet we can see very obviously how Matteo is feeling and just how ‘normal’ this is to him. He has a set of behaviours that he follows to try to take the edge off. He throws things (this is his go-to when he’s stressed and he does it a LOT), he tries weed and he finally tries music and sitting by himself, cuddling a cushion for comfort. I know a million people have discussed this at length, but I don’t think we can speak about this clip without at least touching on it. Everything about it is done so well and it all combines to allow Matteo’s feelings to shine through. I love that it’s allowed to happen at a party and that we see very clearly how these things can be overwhelming for characters. I won’t go on anymore, but it’s just great and the acting is so perfect. I genuinely think this small part of this clip is probably my favourite acting out of everything in this show.

And then of course we have the stuff after everyone else has left. Again, a million people have discussed this in a million ways, but I love how this scene again shows how easily they get each other, how good they are at communicating with each other and how quickly they get on the same page. Matteo has no trouble at all saying what he thinks and pressing for information. This parallels Sara in some ways - she is like this with Matteo, making her wants and needs clear and putting herself on the line. Again, this is all very good set up for later on when Matteo finally finds himself in her position and realises just how much his behaviour hurt her because he’s living her side. However, unlike Matteo, David is quite clear and honest back. And that’s why they can so quickly move into a potential kiss. As with Matteo and Sara, there are close ups as they lean into each other, but somehow it feels like there’s more space for them to breathe here. The camera allows them both to be in the frame naturally, whether Sara is often invading into Matteo’s shots. Here, they’re both on board and both want it. I like that Matteo gets a moment to be open and himself after his experience with Andi. It must take a lot of courage to do this after he was so badly affected earlier. Testament to David’s calming presence which reassures rather than pushes, and how honest they are with each other - there’s no way David could miss how relieved Matteo is when he finds out that Laura is David’s sister not his girlfriend. They’re both very brave here - David for telling Matteo he looks good and Matteo for trying to take that next step even after his panic attack. And I think that’s a nice place to leave this. Because that’s already such a lot and this has all already been said before.

#druck #og druck #Matteo - episode 3 #again super long I'm sorry #one day I'll learn how to be concise

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whatiwillsay · 3 years

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submission: we need to talk about ttb (spade-riddles)

Hey Cam. Seeing that ask defending TTB’s doxxing has sort of pushed me to finally share some of my story on Tumblr, I guess. I haven’t had the opportunity to talk about this to anyone fully, so this will probably be long, but I hope you don’t mind me venting.

I’m one of the people that got emailed by TTB. I don’t feel comfortable posting this off anon, but I was in a Discord server with you and @bisluthq and some other people back in Dec/Jan. I don’t know if you remember me, but my name on there was one word and began with an L and ended with an S.

I want to share the full story, but I also don’t feel comfortable with sharing certain details publicly because I’m still very wary of getting outed further by her if she sees this, so I’m gonna be vague about some things

Request to her followers — If you see this, please don’t send this to her. Like I’m genuinely asking you not to because I don’t trust her not to cross any more lines. My dad is a major homophobe with serious anger issues who has literally been arrested for violence before, and she doesn’t really think carefully or maybe even care about how any actions she takes could lead to people being harmed, so I’m not eager to see how she might react.

Anyway, I first got an email back in December, and I was really freaked out by it at first. I spoke to one of my mutuals about it, and although we both agreed it was super weird and invasive and creepy, we ended up trying to see the funny side of it. So, I kinda just brushed it off and moved on. I was mainly just really confused about why I had been targeted because at the time, I thought it was only me who’d gotten an email like that. I didn’t understand why she’d specifically targeted me instead of other people who she clearly disliked a lot more.

About a week later, I saw someone on Tumblr mentioning a strange email, and I realised other people must have gotten them too. I spoke to Nat about what happened to me and ended up in the Discord

At the time, I felt like I’d gotten off really easy comparatively to others because I initially didn’t realise that she’d contacted anyone else. And so I tried to act chill about it because I didn’t want to make things about me, but honestly, I was extremely anxious. I felt on edge for over a week. I would keep checking her blog again and again because I was super worried that she would post our personal details publicly. I scrolled through my entire blog from start to finish and deleted a lot of posts that were either personal or that I just didn’t want anyone I knew in real life to read.

This part I have to be vague about because it would basically give away who I am, but it was only a while later when I thought I was in the clear that someone I knew in real life texted me and mentioned seeing a weird email about me. The email had been sent a while back, and they’d been shown it by the original recipient/s. Multiple people had been shown it, but luckily (kinda), only two of those people were actually people I saw on a regular basis

I’m mostly closeted, but I’m kind of technically out to a few of my immediate family members. But it’s very much a DADT situation because they’re not accepting, and they like to just pretend I’m straight. And so I basically have to act closeted even when I’m around them, and I can’t even ALLUDE to being gay.

But with my dad, it’s different. He’s very homophobic. I’m only gonna mention this next part so that people understand what kind of dangerous situation that TTB could have put me in. (And the other people that she doxxed too because she didn’t know how safe their individual situations were). It’s all really personal, and I wouldn’t ordinarily feel comfortable sharing any of this at all, even anonymously, but I think it needs to be said because her actions were extremely fucking irresponsible.

Right, so when I first “came out” to my dad, it was actually an accident, and he reacted… extremely badly. This was back in like… 2018 or 2019, I can’t remember the exact year

(TW // physical abuse, homophobia)

He was extremely angry, literally shaking. He yelled at me, he described in graphic detail how he was going to “break every bone in my body”, “strangle the life out of me”, “drown me”, etc. He kept telling me that I’m disgusting and going to Hell, you get the idea. He was having a lot of fun with making strangling motions and stabbing motions with his hands, and he kept slamming his hand onto the table. That went on for about 15 minutes, and then he stood up and threw a chair from the dining table at me. That was fun lol. And he punched me in the head pretty hard which kinda knocked me back. I felt dizzy, I had to sit down on the floor. At that point, my mum who had been crying and asking him to stop physically intervened, and he ended up storming out of the house instead. My mum’s a genuinely good person btw. She’s a little homophobic, but she cares about me a lot, and I’m very grateful for her. She hates him too, but she’s kinda stuck with him… It wasn’t her fault

He literally hates gay people. He complains about us on the regular. One time, he threw the remote at the TV and cracked the screen just because there was a gay male couple kissing onscreen. Another time, he threw a rock at a gay man on the street. There was also a time where he forced a few of my siblings (who didn’t want to do it) to throw peeled oranges out of the window at people celebrating pride while he drove past them and yelled insults at them. He found that really funny. Anyway, I’m sure you guys get the idea of what kind of person he is

He hasn’t laid a hand on anybody in several months though, so I do think he’s trying to be better at least. Like he’s still verbally abusive and controlling and awful, but I appreciate that he’s at least making an effort to calm down with the hitting and kicking and stuff

Anyway, with my dad, it’s less DADT and more that I think he’s got it in his head that he managed to scare me into “seeing the error of my ways” and that I’ve “stopped choosing to be gay” and that I’m now straight. So, if it had been HIM who had gotten that email, it would’ve been like… extremely bad. Like I’m getting anxious just thinking about it. And this is why I’m so angry at TTB. It was extremely, extremely irresponsible of her to not consider these kinds of possibilities before she sent out her stupid emails. She’s supposed to be an ally, but it didn’t even cross her mind that these emails would lead to people being outed and possibly even harmed?? It’s not okay at all. I’m just very grateful that she didn’t send one to him because I don’t even know what kind of situation I would be in right now.

Anyway, enough about my fucking awful dad… I feel uncomfortable that I even typed all of that out, but I wanted people to understand how dangerous her actions could have been. Like I mean, my dad’s got PTSD and extreme anger issues from his teenage years, so I do try not to judge him TOO harshly, but there’s no excuse for being a huge bigot or occasionally violent. The idea of him being the one who got that email is still so scary to me. Like my heart is racing just thinking about it

One of the people that DID read the email was the male friend I mentioned earlier though. He was shown it by someone else for a particular reason, and he was a very important person to me. Like he was a good guy, we were close, he helped me out with certain personal issues I have and is one of only two people that I know in real life that I felt comfortable confiding in about them. We’d always meet up once a week, sometimes twice, and we’d just talk about stuff and make an effort to help each other out with things. Like he was very important to me.

It turns out that he’d looked through my blog before I’d got around to scrubbing it, and he asked me if I was gay in person the next time we met up. I couldn’t lie because like… he’d have known I was lying right to his face. So, I told him I was, and you should have seen his face. It made me feel so awful about myself. He looked really stunned and shocked and kinda uncomfortable. Like it got so awkward, and I started rambling and making things worse. He was avoiding eye contact, and my voice was shaking.

I ended up making up an excuse to leave about 5 mins later and had an actual anxiety attack. Again, this is embarrassing and something I’d never usually talk about online, but I just want to get it all off my chest so that I can move past it all.

So, I was like on the verge of tears (I don’t cry easily), I couldn’t breathe properly, I was pacing around the building, and I just wanted to escape, so I headed straight for the doors. There was a queue of about 100 people lined up and waiting to leave, and I couldn’t think straight or breathe and just needed to be outside, so I tried to go out through the other exit which is for staff only. The security guard stopped me and basically publicly humiliated me in front of all of those people. He loudly shamed me and said I “didn’t have any decency” for attempted to jump the queue, lectured me in this really condescending tone, and then sent me right to the back of that huge line. Meanwhile, I was literally in the midst of a bad anxiety attack.

And then I eventually got outside and had to call my mum to come and pick me up instead of just making my own way home like I usually do. She’s amazing though tbh because she actually came to get me and didn’t even question why. I had to skip all of my plans for the rest of the day and instead just hid upstairs in my bedroom with the lights off until the next day. I refused to tell any of my family members what had happened even though they kept asking. I just felt so, so awful, and my anxiety was through the roof

To be honest, before that happened, my mindset was like: “I mean, if I get outed, it obviously wouldn’t be good, but I think I’d be able to deal with it fine”. But then, when it actually happened, and I saw the way my close friend reacted, I had like a whole emotional breakdown lol. It’s like, you think you’d be fairly chill in a situation, but when it actually happens, your reaction can be really unpredictable. I was so embarrassed by everything about that entire incident. I didn’t even want to show my face the next day.

It’s been almost two months since that happened, and in that entire time, my friend has contacted me once. We literally used to meet up once or twice a week (and during lockdown, we’d do video calls or phone calls instead), but since then, we’ve barely even spoken. Things are just so awkward now. I know this sounds stupid, but I feel like TTB’s taken one of my best friends away from me. I don’t think he’s a homophobe or anything, he has openly gay friends and is fairly accepting, but I think it’s just the way that he found out that has just made things so weird between us now. I feel like if I’d had the chance to come out to him myself in my own way, he wouldn’t have reacted like that. But I’m gonna text him next week and see if we can maybe try to fix our friendship, but I doubt it at this point

The other people who were shown the email, I mostly just avoid. I don’t really care about them knowing that much because I wasn’t close to them, but it’s just really embarrassing knowing that they probably scrolled through my Tumblr blog before I scrubbed it

And about Tumblr… This used to be the only place that I could fully be myself. It was like a “safe space” for me which feels ironic now. But I haven’t been active on my blog since December. I still lurk occasionally, but I just don’t feel comfortable here anymore. I did consider deleting my current blog and starting afresh with a new one, but I don’t think it’d make much of a difference… Like she’s kind of ruined Tumblr for me. I do still enjoy reading people’s blogs every now and then, but I don’t feel relaxed here anymore, I just feel on edge.

It’s mainly the fact that SHE’S still here. She still has a platform, she still has a bunch of followers. It’s been so hard seeing her face next to no consequences whatsoever for the horrible things that she’s done to so many different people. And it upsets me that she hasn’t even acknowledged that what she did was wrong. Plus, it makes me feel even worse that the Hard Kay blogs and some other people are still supporting her and pretending that this whole thing just didn’t happen. Like do they just not care? Or is it that she’s twisted things and made them believe that the situation was different to what it actually was?

And tbh, this whole situation has even set me back in my own sort of personal self-acceptance journey. I had such bad internalised homophobia when I was younger, and it took me so many years to get to a place where I had mostly accepted myself. But now I just feel ashamed again, and I’ve gone back to my old habit of trying to force myself to be attracted to men. Like I downloaded Tinder the other day and set my preference to men and was swiping through profiles. It’s kinda silly actually. I did snap out of it and delete the app the next day though. But I don’t know, I feel like this whole thing has just kinda fucked with me a bit. I am trying to work this stuff out and get back to normal though. I think I’ll be good again in maybe a month or so, hopefully.

And… yeah. I just really resent her, and this situation upsets me. Because the reason she did this was so petty and ridiculous, and I guess she didn’t even realise how much it would impact people? Like I do know that my situation wasn’t as bad as some of the other people’s situations, and I feel really bad for them, and I hope they’re all doing okay. I can’t imagine what it must have been like for them. But it still has impacted me a lot more than I actually thought it would. I thought I’d get over it within a couple of weeks. But it’s been like two months, and I’m still not completely over it

I know it might not sound like a huge thing, but being outed really does affect you, even if it’s only to a few people. Because to me, I feel like I’ve had my sense of like, security and comfort taken away, and it’s kinda distressing. Sorry if I sound dramatic with any of this, I just really needed to say all of this stuff to other people besides myself lol

Like her actions have literally led to me being outed to a few people. A close friendship that I had has basically been ruined. I don’t feel comfortable or secure on Tumblr anymore, even though it used to be an important outlet for me. I’ve had a resurgence of anxiety about my sexuality. Etc.

And again, my dad is extremely homophobic and literally made death threats to me and physically attacked me back when I accidentally came out to him in 2018 or 2019. And if he had gotten that email, I don’t even know what would have happened. I don’t think he would have like… SERIOUSLY physically harmed me, but there would definitely have been a repeat of the first incident. More throwing chairs at me and hitting and screaming and death threats. I don’t really want to think about it.

It just bothers me that she didn’t even consider that? Like did it not even cross her mind? And my dad is bad, but I’m sure there are people in the fandom who have even worse parents, and she could have got one of those people instead. It’s just so… I don’t know, it’s just so frustrating to me.

Anyway, I just hate her for what she did… Like maybe I shouldn’t, but I really do resent her so much, and I don’t think I could forgive her even if she apologised to us all (which I don’t think she even would because she doesn’t seem to have any decency whatsoever). The least she could do is at least express some kind of remorse, but she just genuinely doesn’t care, and that’s super messed up. All over some stupid Tumblr blog that is much less important than she thinks it is.

But anyway… I apologise for the whole rant, and if anybody read all the way down to here, I appreciate it. I do actually feel a bit better now that I’ve got this all typed out. And I’m sorry for the oversharing lol, I usually don’t do this, but I just felt like I really needed to tell people and get it off my chest so that I can try to get over it — L

submisssion⬆️⬆️⬆️

ok L i am trying to remain calm here because this isn’t about me. but i am very emotional right now. i am so so so infinitely sorry that you had to go through this harrowing and terrifying experience. ttb (now blogging under spade-riddles) is absolutely disgusting, lower than dirt, that she would put your life, safety, and well-being at risk over a fucking kaylor blog.

please please please im me or get in touch somehow because i want to offer you support. have you been financially impacted by this? we can raise money. do you need therapy? we can help you find the support you need. this community is unequivocally here for you. whatever you need, if it’s in my power to help you get it, i will. you have my solemn promise on that.

i am so deeply and desperately sorry that you have gone through this. i was shaking while reading your story.

i am in touch with other people and we are in discussion about the best way to let tumblr know what happened. this will be a safe space for you (and all of us) again if it’s the last thing i do. this community is 100% here for you in any way we can help, sending you all the support and love we have.

#submission #tw: abuse #tw: homophobia

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ghost0loxer · 3 years

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Imagine, a gender fluid teenager like myself has a favourite/feel-good film and that film is “Just One of the Guys,”from the mid 80s.

Picture this: theatre class, we watch “She’s The Man”, a dreamworks film from the 2000s. And yet, the social justice issues within the film are glaringly obvious to today’s society. Don’t get me wrong, it can be a funny film in a group setting - but then there are scenes that are just uncomfortable. Now, we discussed these themes in class, but I just can’t help but think about the film that came before it. Yes, StM (she’s the mans) is a modern day adaption of Shakespeare’s “Twelfth Night” but I was thinking about the modern day adaption before StM, “Just One of the Guys” from the mid 80s.

I love this film. For multiple reasons, which I hope to discuss.

Number one, our main character. Terry Griffith is stubborn. If she thinks something is right, she won’t let anyone say no or get in her way. Now in some cases, this is great. It’s definitely a shift in the usual romantic comedy female lead (especially for the 80s). But it’s one of her biggest flaws. In the beginning, Terry doesn’t win a contest for a part-time job at the Sun Tribune. She believes her article was amazing, but she speaks with her English teacher and he gives it to her straight. “You don’t have what it takes to be a reporter.” Her article is boring; it’s about the nutritional value of the lunch menu in the school cafeteria, of course it’s boring. But the words her teacher tells her has her convinced it’s because she’s a woman. Thus, she leaves school for two weeks and transfers as a buy to another school who are holding the same competition. Once she gives her article, she is told almost the same thing, but this time, she’s given proper feedback to improve it. Of course, there was some irony with this scene between Terry and the teacher. “Just because you’re guy, doesn’t mean you can’t be sensitive or light.” Thing is, she doesn’t give up, she strives to fix it and finds a new angle. I love her determination, I love the way she doesn’t let others push her around. Furthermore, her transition to a man. In StM, Viola as a guy is made to be cringey and comedic, you watch and think, there’s no way a guy would do that. But Terry, having grown up with a younger brother and is actually smart, manages to nail the role. Sure, she has slip-ups, but she stays afloat and she’s not being over the top. She’s chill and convincing, yet you as the audience can tell she’s trying to appear masculine. Her lines are witty and she’s sharp. Someone has something to say, she’ll be able to backtrack and answer with a joke or sarcasm quickly. I like smart characters.

Another point, the way women are written in this film. A lot of women in this film are treated like shit, but it’s probably a realistic depiction of the 80s. Everyone is talking about dating and sex, it seems to be the only topic the women in this film speak about, unless they are Terry. Terry seems to be the only character in this film whose main goal is not romance or sex. She strives to be a reporter, she wants to prove herself, and she rejects the advances upon her frequently. Whether it’s the boys asking her on dates in halls, or her own boyfriend attempting to seduce her when her parents aren’t home, she doesn’t put them above herself, yet she still lets them down easily, unless they become more pushy (case in point, her boyfriend, Kevin, in the beginning). She can stand up for herself, but she’s not the only one. Her best friend, Denise is one of the many women looking for love, nevertheless, she holds standards. I will admit, I didn’t like Denise’s acting in the beginning; she’s not a great character, but even she manages to reject men’s advances constantly. She’s not afraid to say it bluntly and she expresses her true emotions when certain guys try to ask her out. She tells it to them straight, and I respect her for that (despite her lack of empathy for some). Terry’s brother is constantly hitting on Denise, but she stands her ground. She doesn’t hit him or curse him out, she spins words around him and always lead back to the key word “no.”

This is my third, and maybe final point, (because I’m not great at writing but I’m starting to get tired) the way they handle sexual orientation. It seems if you’re going to make a film about a cross-dressing woman who falls in love with a man, you have to discuss sexuality and this film is not afraid to. That was my biggest beef with StM, when Viola confessed her love to Duke, the made it blatantly clear that it was “weird” and “unusual”; the editing and music cuts. It was done for comedic purposes, but in that moment, it just made me cringe. Even when the principal marched onto the field during the big match to expose Sebastian as “the woman he was all along,” he used a big megaphone and said to the whole crowd this man is in fact a girl. If it were to happen in the real world, and this character was a trans male, that would be traumatizing and so so insensitive. I couldn’t help thinking the way they handled the reveal in StM was poor and shitty.

But with JOotG (just one of the guys)? It’s done respectfully. Throughout the film, Buddy, Terry’s younger, sex-obsessed brother (I have thoughts on this character), often refers to Terry as a transvestite or sexually confused. They make references about her dating other women and jokes. It’s not treated like taboo, but just something people normally talk about, and as a questioning kid when I first watched the film, I really needed that. Although it was used for jokes, the fact that it wasn’t treated like a silent topic made me think more of it and discover who I was; it was media like this that made me accept myself.

Even with the reveal. Kevin, Terry’s boyfriend (or ex boyfriend by the end), stomps up to Terry after she’s wrestled with the school bully and was dumped into the waves at prom. Rick, who’s been Terry’s friend (and is the male lead) throughout her time at his high school, immediately questions who Kevin is and he responds with a harsh and sure “Terry’s boyfriend.” Of course, that doesn’t expose Terry as female, but makes Rick assume she’s a homosexual. But instead of calling her weird or replying negatively, he answers Kevin’s question calmly and says he’s just a friend. There is no prejudice, no disgust, Rick is shocked, but that’s expected. Furthermore, this reveal not only does not alienate homosexuality, it puts the center of focus on the main characters rather than have the whole audience/prom witness this exchange. Sure, the rest of the school is watching but the camera never pans over to them, and even then, Terry drags Rick away from the crowds to a secluded area to explain more.

Even once they’re secluded, Rick doesn’t yell at her or is homophobic. He just says “I understand, you’re gay.” As we know, Terry is not in fact gay and she reveals this to him in a similar fashion as StM, at least it’s not flashing a whole crowd. But the thing that hits me, is the fact that it’s not used as a joke or for comedy. Throughout the film, they’ve mentioned homosexuality and being transgender, but it was used as a light-hearted joke (nothing insulting or derogatory). In this moment, it’s not a joke, and it’s the bare minimum for a emotional scene like this, but it always hits me.

Of course, Rick gets justifiably mad that he’s been deceived and he storms off. Terry’s flaw catches up to her here, as she kisses him in front of the prom guests, stubborn to make him realize how much she cares. ( I didn’t agree with this action to be frank, I cringed ). The crowd gasps and it’s the usual reaction to a homosexual kiss and Rick just pulls back, says “It’s alright everyone, he’s got tits,” and leaves with Deborah.

In true romantic comedy fashion, life moves on. Terry gets the job at the Sun-Tribune after writing her article about posing as a guy and everyone who was longing for love in the beginning has found it, except Terry. The ending, however, is Rick coming back for her after a couple (days? Weeks? Idk all I know is it’s summer by the time he comes back, how much space between prom and summer?) and they kiss, go on a date and all is good.

Now after writing this long ass post, I’ve come to realize the main reason I like this film. Sure, Terry is a good character (not morally sometimes, but she’s interesting to watch), the way women are presented also is good, but my main source of affection for this film (in comparison to StM) is the way they handle the switching of genders. I’m gender fluid, I don’t always like being a woman or a man, I switch almost daily and half the time can’t decide if I want to grow out my hair or cut it. Seeing Terry, originally a woman, manage to convince people she was a guy made me wish I could do it too. It made me realize, I don’t always like being a woman. I want to be a guy sometimes, and I want that to be accepted. It was media like this, like Ouran High School Host Club, like Bare: A Pop Opera, that made me understand my gender and sexuality. (Even media that didn’t have any relation to LGBTQ+ helped).

When I first heard of “She’s the Man”, I had hoped it would be like these pieces of media. And it wasn’t. It was an alright film, but made me feel disappointed and somewhat let down. And that’s why I just prefer Just One of the Guys. Maybe it wouldn’t float in today’s political climate, maybe I’m wrong for seeing these points as reasons it’s one of my favorites, but its still better than StM and is one of my favourite films.

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peppertaemint · 2 years

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heluuu~~ I'm the anon who sent the 2Min ask to BMT. I have to say, I am quite surprised. You've been on that ship for a whole 14 YEARS?!?! AND STILL FULL OF RESOURCES????

Nowadays ships could never!

*Clear's throat* Also, about the TM rumour. Back then, my only source to know about fandom updates was through FB (😬 cringe, ik, yes, but that's the only media platform tht ik😭). It doesn't help my situation either, when one of my irl friends (she's a hardcore stan of WGM) and told me about the "official" rumour about TM & NE getting real b/t/s. Plus, idk the rumours were made up by het shippers and antis. My adolescent brain still can not dissociates which one is an anti, and which one is not. 😭

And about MH, sorry I didnt worded my words right. I meant to say that, there were also a rumour (or a fake post ig) saying, MH hates being ship and find it disgusting. Especially being ship with his closest best friend. It was in a different language, closest-yet-not to my mother tongue.

So, me being a gullible pre-teenager believes those posts and rumours. Concluding that MH DOES hates it and both him and TM, are straight. Therefore me, jumping off the ship towards the vast ocean... wailing as I swimmed back to the shore, and hid in the deepest part of island's forest to rethink my life choices.

I'm giggling like crazy imagining Anon hiding in the island forest as 2Min row past, feeding each other grapes and sipping champagne, lol.

Thanks for writing in with the details. I suspected it was WGM because some very intense shippers were birthed from that show - because that's what it is designed to do. I have no idea what TM and NE's real life vibe is but I will never forget the vivid disappointment on her when he walked out in that first ep. I may have formed a grudge instantly. Lol just joking. They seemed a bit oil and water at times, but who's to say how they felt off screen? What we do know for sure is that the whole thing was scripted, and if you were to torture yourself by rewatching it (not recommended) you'll notice all of SHINee trying and mostly failing to act. That part is entertaining to watch lololol. Minho and Jjong going so overboard just cements how fake it all is. Sigh.

I always hear those anti-shipping rumours about various pairs, but tbh there is footage of Minho looking at neon 2Min signs quite happily so it's hard to believe that's true. Maybe the comment was about his dating scandal with Changmin (loooool). Maybe he said he didn't like that because I think Changmin is his bestie. But isn't it interesting that both Minho and Taemin had dating scandals with their best friends? Huh.

I should clarify: I've been a shawol for just over 2 years (Dec 2019). 2Min as a ship has existed for 14+ years though. When I read through old shipping stuff, WGM and Danger era are some low points supposedly. Lol. I think a lot of people jumped ship. Yet a lot of interesting things happened in and around then so idk. I have the benefit of hindsight and I never assume anything so it's all fun to me.

#2Min #shinee 2min #taeminho

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fathercut · 3 years

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ABIGAIL HOBBS + HER MENTAL HEALTH

this will be a highly triggering post including eating disorders ( bulimia to be exact ) the social expectations of young girls, depression, body dysmorphia, internalized homophobia, suicide ideation, cannibalism, and self harm. please proceed under the read more with CAUTION if these things trigger you at all. NOTE: these topics are not to be glorified, they are ugly and are hard to battle, and i want everybody to know this is coming from a genuine place and somebody who greatly knows the struggle of an e.d and depression, and is not something just to be used as a fun quirk for their character.

— unfortunately, like a lot of girls her age, abigail struggles greatly with her self image. especially as somebody in her position, though abigail doesn’t want to compare and think that her situation is worse than somebody elses — her father had always held abigail on such a high pedestal, that she was something to be obsessed with and idolized, that abigail felt that she needed to be PERFECT. she needed to be thin, she needed to be pretty, she needed to be smart, she needed to have a perfect personality, she needed to be straight. she grew up as a teenager on the internet, with beauty standards and social “ norms “ being shoved down her throat, abigail had gradually begun to try and fit herself into these expectations, like trying to squeeze uncomfortably into a dollhouse. abby began skipping meals with her family, and when her father would tell her that she was not honouring the meat he had put down for them, abigail would sit across her parents with a tight lipped smile and swallow it down — and when she was alone, she’d feel nothing but pure and utter GUILT as she stuck her fingers down her throat. she was not honouring the girls, the fawn’s that garett jacob hobbs had killed in her likeness, they had died for her father’s obsession and here abigail was, making herself throw it all up. she hated herself for it. tucked deep underneath of abigail hobbs’ pillow is a diary that she keeps strict track of her calorie intake in, and everything she had consumed within the day. she had become obsessed with her weight, no matter how much it guilted her. she wanted to change everything about herself because 1 ) she wanted to be perfect, like the supermodels she saw on instagram, to be perfect like her father told her she was & 2 ) because she looked at herself in the mirror and only felt guilt, and saw herself as her father’s victims. one of the biggest things abigail suffers with is her nose, finding it’s crookedness to be something unsightly and ugly. she needed a little button nose, to be a tiny porcelain doll for people to adore. she has, and still considers getting a nose job. with her mental health in such a fragile state following nick boyle’s murder death, there were many instances where abigail fantasized going out to the woods behind the port haven facility to slit her throat, to die the death was MEANT to, in the place where it had all began. she thought about it almost every day.

— growing up in the midwest, in a heavily christian home, where everytime before a meal, GRACE would be said ; abigail felt like she HAD to be attracted to boys, that her only purpose was to marry a nice man and squeeze out a few kids — and when she realized she didn’t want any of that, abigail thought herself to be BROKEN. when her friends would talk about the boys in class, about who was the cutest, abby simply felt nothing about it. none of them had caught her eye, but there were countless girls in her class that abigail had experienced heart palpitations simply by brushing shoulders. she was sick, abigail was SURE of it. she was disgusted by her desire, and the night following a wet dream about her friend had left abigail appalled and bluntly dropping the friendship in fear of her feelings. she had tried, and promptly failed, to pray it all away, to beg god for his forgiveness in her desires, that she would never act upon them, she promised. not only did se grow up in the midwest, she grew up on the internet, as a young teenage girl while her brain was still developing was more than damaging. unreal beauty expectations everywhere she looked on instagram, twitter, tumblr, tiktok, she was everything they were NOT. how could she change herself ? how could she make herself fit in ? abigail adopted so many personalities from the internet to try and stay relevant and funny with her friends, wanting desperately to appeal to them.

— though this story has a somewhat happy ending, as abigail works through therapy and support groups in port haven, they are not only helping abigail through her ptsd, they are helping her with her self image and worth. she can keep a meal down with minumum guilt, she can love girls freely and not feel like something hideous for it, and maybe her crooked nose is a little charming. she can look in the mirror for longer than five minutes without wanting to peel her flesh back like some rotting thing. it’s baby steps, the road to recovery is a LONG and ugly one, but abigail hobbs is managing the best she can.

#˛ ⠀ * ⠀ ❅ ⠀ ⠀ 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚌𝚊𝚗𝚘𝚗 ⠀ ⠀ —— ⠀ ⠀ ABIGAIL P. HOBBS #this made me so ]: as i wrote it #i just want what's best for her #eating disorder tw #self harm tw #internalized homophobia tw #just like. be careful with this post it can be a doozy #i love you guys so so much. please take care of urselves

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lookbluesoup · 4 years

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I’ve seen a lot of talk about anti anti culture lately and an emphasis on canceling people who write stories where bad things happen (i.e., rape, molestation, abuse). I’m really interested in facilitating a positive, open space here on my blog. So sharing my personal opinion about this at all is something I thought about for a while, and my hope is that it offers a helpful perspective as well as solidarity to people who use fiction the same way as me.

It’s not directed at anyone in particular or any event in particular. The tl;dr version is – people should always have a choice, they should be allowed to read or choose not to read, they should be allowed to write and share or choose not to write or share. Taking that choice away from people ultimately hurts survivors by making topics taboo and forcing everyone to fit a specific moral narrative for their pain or experiences to be valid.

Trigger Warnings: Rape, abuse, cancel culture, child molestation, depression, suicide, dogmatic religion, homophobia

1. These things DO happen in real life, and yes, they are harmful, and yes, reading about them can be triggering. Fully, completely acknowledge all of these things and have experienced my share of it firsthand.

2. People should be allowed to know before they get invested in a story whether triggers might be present so that they can choose to avoid it if they want to. It is their choice, and responsibility to decide not to read something that is appropriately tagged. (And please, please tag appropriately!)

3. Being interested in reading about dark subjects does not make a person evil. Somewhere between 31-57 percent of women admit to having rape fantasies. (x) That does not mean women want to be raped in real life. It does not mean that half the population of women are perverted degenerates. Reading fiction, like indulging in our fantasies, is a safe place to explore and enjoy sensations, dramas, and experiences we still don’t want in real life.

In less touchy examples - I love reading about gladiator arena battles! I love playing apocalyptic games where monsters jump out of the dark and scare the shit out of me! I do not want gladiator rings or to live in an apocalypse in real life! That doesn’t mean my interest in these stories or games condones them in real life. It doesn’t mean I think it was right that Rome irl forced slaves to fight to the death for entertainment.

4. I grew up in an environment without grey areas. The dogmatic Bible-beating hatemongering kind. Someone was good and did everything right according to my beliefs and worldview, or someone was bad and a direct threat to me. If I did something wrong, I had to punish myself physically and emotionally to make up for not being perfect. I was taught to despise myself. My parents believed there was only one correct way to view any situation - their way. I was petrified of punishment and learned that it wasn’t even worth trying to do better or accommodate someone else’s experiences because I would never measure up and would be condemned for doing something that wasn’t perfect. That is immensely, cripplingly harmful to an individual and to society. Cancel culture does the same thing. It excommunicates people who aren’t pure and allows others to get by with abuse because they are ‘teaching’ or an ‘authority on morality’ – and guess what? Nobody is pure. We are all human, we all make mistakes, and we are all learning. None of us have moral authority.

We cannot build a healthy, inclusive society if we are unsafe. We cannot be safe if we are not allowed to first admit that we ALL make mistakes and have prejudices that we can improve on. So we need to be kind and nonjudgmental whenever we have the chance to be. And we have to accept and respect that what’s fun or helpful or healing for us might be the opposite for someone else, or vice versa. Which is okay if we are respectful of each other’s boundaries and don’t try to force a way of being onto someone else without their consent.

5. With regard to writing, this means that people need to be allowed to explore difficult, even painful topics if they wish to. Even for fun. Even if someone else might not want or need to explore those same topics. That doesn’t make either person inherently evil or wrong. It just means we all have different needs and wants and diversity is normal.

As a serious example, as someone who was molested by a teenage neighbor as a child, I can guarantee you that the fact these topics were considered so disgusting and taboo by society made it very difficult for me to cope. It was not my fault, and I’ve healed from it, but when it happened I didn’t even understand what was going on, and the guilt and self-blame that followed me for years afterward were almost crippling. So yes – what happened to me in real life was wrong, inexcusable behavior. But censorship did not protect me. First it made me ignorant and vulnerable to manipulation, and then it made me feel dirty, disgusting, and isolated.

What I needed was a safe avenue to talk about it and the thoughts and sensations it stirred up, in order to heal. I needed to know it was okay to have automatic thoughts – they were a result of fear and trauma or even just being human, not a moral failing on my part. I needed to actually talk about and explore what I had felt openly, and how that related to the rest of my life, before I could move past it and have a healthy view of intimate acts that weren’t soaked in guilt and self-loathing.

I read a book after that happened, set in ancient Rome, where pederasty took place. And the victim was allowed to admit that he’d enjoyed some of what had happened to him while enslaved, and was then assured that even though he didn’t hate everything that he experienced, it didn’t make him to blame, nor his abuser right, and those thoughts/feelings did not define him or his morality. That has been immensely healing to me – but this ‘grey’ exploration of a topic is not compatible with mainstream cancel culture.

Or alternatively, I watched the series 13 Reasons Why. I hated it. It felt like nothing but shock value entertainment and not a respectful management of topics like suicide that were very, VERY real to me. Except for someone else I knew who had also struggled with suicidal thoughts and impulses, 13 Reasons Why was immensely validating. They were glad that a series showed such graphic representation of these events in a way that couldn’t be ignored or brushed over. What had been hurtful to me, was empowering to them.

I believe it is not mine, or anyone else’s place, to decide that a piece of media should be across the board banned because of what it might do. Because while some of us share traumas, we still each have different experiences, needs, and healing processes.

Such strict censorship allows for only victims who meet a certain “standard” to receive care and healing. The rest are left to suffer or are even punished further.

All of us have gone through life with vastly different levels of privilege, opportunity, expectations, etc, which leads to vastly different interpretations of the world, none of which are 100% correct or true.

6. Cancel culture hurts LGBTQ+ rights. I’m neither straight or cis, and I might never have learned that if I hadn’t been able to build friendships outside of my social circle who allowed me to integrate and ask questions without being obligated to agree with them. Where I grew up, there was immense prejudice against gay people. My cousin was disowned and disinherited for coming out. I was sheltered from anyone who might argue for gay rights, and discouraged from looking at or being curious of the deep south’s version of ‘problematic.’ That’s what I was taught – to be uncomfortable toward, judgmental, and condemning. If I had been on tumblr during those years and gotten ‘cancelled’ I would have been even more suspicious and condemning of Others, and even more determined that my way was the only right one. I specifically avoided tumblr social circles because I ‘knew’ they hated ‘people like me.’ It’s not exclusive. This trend where people become even more convinced to pick an opposing side because the Other person is being hateful is one of the first things they teach you in social psychology.

The kind of intolerance that goes with mobbing people for saying anything they consider problematic at all is the same cruelty that makes me unable to tell my parents I identify as agender or pan. It’s what gets women stoned to death and gays beheaded. It’s not moral.

What changed my point of view was friendships. One of my friends came out as gay and my world turned upside down because here was someone that didn’t match any of the stereotypes I’d been taught to fear. He wasn’t hateful or condemning of me, he was one of the most thoughtful and peaceful people I knew. That is what started to change things for me, and made it safe for me to explore other ways of thinking and interpretations of scripture. Because I cared about him more than I needed to be right.

7. Nobody is obligated to interact with someone who is being violent or hateful to them. You’re not even obligated to interact with someone you disagree with, if the topic is too painful or you simply don’t want to talk about it. Keep yourselves safe. But within the world of writing, live and let live. If someone posts a story you don’t like, and they’ve tagged it appropriately, please, please consider that your experience is not universal. You have the choice not to read that story. Someone else might need to read it. Let them, and don’t shame them for it.

#cancel culture #tw rape #tw abuse #tw child molestation #tw depression #tw suicide #tw religion #tw homophobia #tw cancel culture #wyn gabs #not fallout #text #long post

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aiyassalt · 4 years

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Claudia’s Character Assassination

This post is a follow up on my recent Claudia hot take in which I state that Claudia was another character intentionally ruined and demonized by the writers (not unlike Viren) for the sake of shipping.

I know what ya’ll are thinking: I’m just being a butthurt Claudia stan, but based on recent discoveries (such as a certain article from Polyon), I’m (mostly) making a case based on facts.

“Whoawhoawhoawhoa, aiya?” you cry. “Don’t you think you’re being ridiculous and going a bit too far with your Rayllum hate?!”

Au contraire, my friend, I’m not. An article published by Polygon in the last year (yes, I know. I’m late but whatever) came out and confirmed a few facts:

Callum/Claudia were supposed to be endgame or at least canon.

Rayllum was never in the cards, but the writers, supposedly claim that they decided to switch things up during the storyboarding phase for S2.

“The Callum-Rayla romance sparked in a moment during the storyboarding phases of season 2, when the pair sat down for a heart-to-heart. A lingering glance on Rayla’s part prompted the writing team to consider the potential of the duo, and they continued developing it through the rest of season 2.”

However, further along in the article, the writer talks about how the staff are completely aware of fandom happenings and have developed a…”strategy” concerning fandom.

“The Dragon Prince writing staff are aware of the possible relationships their fans are hoping for, say the creators, and “good ships and trash ships” are a source of constant chatter and scrutiny in the writers’ room. After a season 2 creative retreat, a gallon of corn oil inspired writer Neil Mukhopadhyay to put a name to those moments that leave a bit too much room for romantic possibilities. “Shipping oil” became the go-to slang for when scenes felt slathered with dialogue or character blocking that could send the wrong message.”

So, it starts to become clear that Rayllum didn’t happen because the writers had a lightning bulb moment and realized it “made sense.” It has everything to do with trying to appeal to the fanbase’ wants and ideas of “appropriate” ships.

“Okay,” you say. “So the writers decided to make the juggernaut canon to make fans happy. So what! What’s the big deal? What does this have to do with Claudia?”

It has a lot to do with Claudia (and to a lesser extent, Soren) and it explains why the writing for her character in S3 felt incredibly off and dismissive for her. The writers talked about “shipping oil” for certain pairings and being concerned about “sending the wrong message.” What if the writers decided to possibly tone down certain shippy scenes? Or even go further and decided to cut out scenes or even rewrite certain character arcs to:

Accommodate the sudden pro-Rayllum direction they pushed the story towards and not threaten their endgame ship?

Make the Rayllum fans feel better and more confident about their OTP rather than feel insecure and threatened by “trash” ships getting an upper hand?

LBR, as much as Rayllum like to deny it, they’re not that secure about their ship. It’s why we see a portion of Rayllum fans continually bashing Claudia. Why, throughout S2, we started seeing an uptick of Rayllum fans calling Callum/Claudia problematic and/or abusive (no, I’m not joking or hyperbolizing; this actually happened) and trying to frame Soren/Rayla as “p*dophilic”.

Think about it. S3 seems like it was written by a Rayllum fan with a (“hidden”) hate for Claudia. We never get to hear exactly her own thoughts about her father and her moral choices in S3. We don’t see her worrying and reeling with guilt over Callum and Ezran falling out with her. The girl we see clearly crying after telling Callum the truth about his dead father is suddenly not concerned about her childhood friends being in Xadia while she’s hearing rumors about Xadians possibly prepping for warfare. We witness Callum showing a baffling lack of concern for Claudia, a character who is supposed to be not only his childhood crush, but his childhood friend staying with her father who Callum acknowledged as someone who has changed for the worse (according to the books). We get Nyx, a Skywing elf who possibly has never been in contact with humans, acting like a straight-up in-canon Rayluum shipper and being fine with a Human and Elf being in love rather than being disgusted. I would continue, but I don’t want to make an incredibly long post.

And LBR: if Claudia (and Soren maybe) went with Callum and Rayla in S3 or S4, there would be trouble in paradise for the Rayllum ship and present more nuanced writing. Besides Callum x Claudia and Soren x Rayla having more chemistry than Rayllum, Claudia and Callum have more in common than Callum and Rayla do. And Soren and Rayla serve as better foils for one another and share more parallels together. Both Callum and Claudia are interested in magic, books, art, and history, had to serve as parental figures for their siblings, and are crafty and adaptive wildcards. Meanwhile Soren and Rayla are the youngest members of their individual organizations, good warriors who balance out each other’s weaknesses, and possess a lot of determination and ambition to prove themselves to their parental figures.

Imagine Soren and Rayla bonding over parents disappointing them and putting a lot on their shoulders. Imagine them confessing they have no idea what they want to do in life, and were put on their current career paths due to societal expectations. Imagine Claudia and Callum having a couple of tense moments due to her lying and trying to capture Zym, but eventually reconciling (basically, a gender reversed Zutara arc). Imagine Callum showing Claudia his Sky Magic moves and revealing it is possible for humans to do Primal Magic without needing a Primal Stone. Imagine Claudia then deciding to embark on training and dedicating herself to learn specific type of Primal Magic (such as Water or Moon, or even Earth) with Callum’s help. Imagine Callum and Claudia deciding to go on dates that also function as research trips to explore ruins and to discover the truth as to why and how the myth that humans can’t do Primal Magic was perpetuated. Imagine Rayla and Claudia’s initial interactions being full of hostility due to their past experiences and Claudia being a Dark Mage and Rayla going on a self-righteous anti-Dark Magic rant only for Claudia to break out of her typical goofy and upbeat persona and bring up the history of humans in Xadia and point out the birth of Dark Magic has nothing to do with humans wanting to kill creatures for the shits and giggles, but for survival and fighting against oppression. And as a result, Rayla actually undergoes actual character growth.

The scenarios I’ve described here sound 100x more interesting than the Rayllum Drama Desert mess. I’m also absolutely positive that they would absolutely make certain characters as more sympathetic (such as Viren, especially if Claudia defends Dark Mages), put a dent in Rayllum’s popularity and Rayla’s Perfect Waifu status and drive the Rayllum fandom bonkers. And the TDP writers knew it, which is why Claudia and Soren were given the arcs they have in S3.

I will never be over how Claudia was sacrificed at the altar of fandom pandering, and most of the fandom waving it off because, whatever, she’s no longer in the way and she’s an icky teenaged girl. Never. A refreshing character like her didn’t deserve the treatment she’s gotten thus far and will continue to get if the writers insist on pandering to vocal fan factions. Shame on the TDP writers for making such an ignorant, amateur, and disastrous move.

#tdp critical #anti rayllum

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andersfels · 4 years

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okay so. just to let tumblr know what is going on with twitter wrt the she-ra ending and what's blowing up on lesbian twitter, someone made a post celebrating canon sapphic couples, with she-ra, korra, adventure time, and steven universe.

then this fucking asshole made this comment on it:

...which was followed up by this comment of the asshole below him.

[a twitter retweet with the comment "girl on girl is the safest and laziest LGBT representation" by twitter user TroyVaderInk, with a comment below from twitter user UnHolySpork that says "its almost like they are completely fetishizing lesbian relationships and also completely ignoring that lesbian relationships are most often extremely abusive. EXTREMELY."]

and the overt lesbophobia is enough to be mad about, obviously. but this is getting under my skin for more than that, too.

so, contextually, the discussion these people thought they were having was pointing out how seriously hard it is to get m/m couples on a show like this. however, the conversation had instead was this extremely offensive mess.

the original comment does a few things here, 1 being the complete erasure and dismissal of the struggle LGBT people have had actually getting these f/f couples on screen.

2, acting like these four children's cartoons are somehow elevating wlw representation to straight representation by pitting mlm rep against them vs against het couples, rather than acknowledging both facts: that four shows of minor, one-to-none kiss rep is pathetically low, AND that mlm rep is pretty much nonexistent in media like this.

and 3, he used the phrase "girl on girl" like a goddamned porn category, implying his opinion on the apparent "easiness" and "laziness" of sapphic couples is in fact informed by and probably counting fetishistic lesbian porn made for straight men.

(this man also spent a good deal of time on twitter antagonizing lesbians who called him out, many of them teenagers, some by saying some sexist shit and defending it with utterly stereotypical sexist responses, and he had added to his callout, a post of him referring to a sapphic character with the d slur, so feel free to go report him.)

the second comment here chimes in with an almost hilariously hypocritical assertation that a) these sweet, canon wlw couples on CHILDREN'S shows are (somehow) fetishistic (for existing at all i guess??) and that b) most lesbian relationships are (somehow) abusive; which is besides the point of this post, but still one of the most hurtful and damaging things said in this thread. there is an additional comment of hers (not shown) below this one that clarifies that is what she meant.

in any case, this drove me up a fucking WALL.

because while the initial point here - that media creators are still too scared to show boys as much as even holding hands in shows like this - has a lot of validity to it, it was posed at the utter expense of lesbians, and requires of heavy dose of hypocrisy to follow through in that way.

because while media is still scarce on similar mlm rep, fandom is literally DOMINATED by it. to the point that many lesbians, including myself, have said we can't find a safe space within it ANYWHERE. I've had to drop out of active participation in SO MANY fandoms i previously loved, because the entire fandom was reduced down to thirsting after and fetishizing men in the fandom, particularly in m/m format.

there is overt hostility towards lesbians in fandom spaces when we express our discomfort over this, and to boot f/f often gets ignored or mistreated by the same people, so it only adds to our discomfort and alienation.

these 4 shows have hardly put a dent in that. they are very meagre representation at best, save maybe steven universe on a technicality, because the rest are all end-of-show or even post-show confirmations, and all of these shows have about 1-2 kisses each, if even that. pathetic stats when compared to m/f couples. it has not made fandom that much of an easier place to be as a lesbian, but i am nontheless INCREDIBLY thankful they exist nonetheless.

the hypocrisy is hard, because as a lesbian the most we are often offered is blatant fetishization, so wlw media that literally DOESN'T do that, coming from lgbt people, is incredibly important. anything that is normalizing is desperately needed.

and yet this person calls what little bit of non fetishistic media we have fetishistic, underneath a fetishizing comment about them, decrying it existing because of claimed fetishization - all in the name of speaking up about mlm rep, which is, within fandom, actually JUST as fetishized, if not more.

and it breaks my fucking heart as much as it enrages me, because this COULD have been a valuable discussion. we could have talked about the fact that mlm have yet to get similar representation to this, likely mostly due to toxic masculinity. but instead these posts used that as merely an excuse, the afterthought to tearing down lesbians and this wlw rep.

and all this to say: it literally doesn't matter how valid your original point is; if you build it on a foundation of hatred and bigotry, it loses all credibility, and destroys the desire for anyone to put in discussion about it. talking about mlm rep under a heavy blanket of lesbophobia will get you nowhere except on a lot of shit lists, unless you WANT to align with general homophobes; but i promise you they will care even less about the plight of mlm rep, save for, oh how ironic, cases of fetishization.

if you look at four, yes the whole FOUR shows sapphics got of representation like this, and your follow through logic is that sapphic rep is thus "easy" and "lazy," you are clearly lesbophobic already and have no ground to start with.

the clashing, hypocritical combination of ideas here that bizarrely imply that both a) fetishized lesbians count as rep, and b) that lesbian rep shouldn't be there because it's fetishized, do not create a cohesive starting point for a discussion of lack of mlm rep, and conveniently ignores the endless bounds of fetishization that is involved with m/m couples in fandom; which means none of it is actually about fetishization at all. it's about these couples being sapphic.

the fact that these two people are bi, people from within our own community, makes this hurt all the worse. lesbophobia is so goddamned pervasive among us that even when we should be fucking celebrating this factually rare achievement of rep, instead people are tearing down lesbians, both characters and real people.

it's disgusting, disheartening, and it's something we need to pay attention to so we can call it out and make it abundantly clear that it will not be tolerated or normalized.

the height of offensive irony is calling us "safe" when this is what we get just over an episode of a cartoon showing two girls kiss.

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lezliefaithwade · 3 years

Text

A Breath of Fresh Air

The summer after my first year of theatre school, I was sleeping on the living room floor of my cousin's apartment in Toronto, trying to figure out what to do with my life. My cousin had been an actor before he became a quadriplegic in a car accident, and as I unadvisedly bemoaned my unemployment status, he said something like, "Seriously? You're complaining about your life? Don't make me burst a colostomy bag." He was right, of course. I wasn't in a wheelchair, though I did have a stepmother who had rendered me homeless because of her dislike for me. She was always saying things like, "Your hair can't be as ugly as that hat you're wearing." Or simply refusing to invite me to things like Christmas dinner. I always admired people with families. My boyfriend at the time was one of five kids who were always doing things together. Their house was always full of noise and activities. Even as a shiksa, I felt more at home there than with my stepbrothers and sisters, who never lost an opportunity to point out that I was weird. I wanted to stand up to them, but not wanting to cause my father any grief, I held my tongue and sought refuge elsewhere. It occurred to me that perhaps I was using the theatre as an opportunity to say things through characters that I couldn't find the courage to express myself.

The Toronto Star was still open on the kitchen table, and I rummage through the Want Ads, that dirty part of the newspaper near the back where complete strangers will soon become complete assholes in your life by forcing you to work menial jobs in humiliating uniforms for minimum wage.

"Find anything?" my cousin called from the bedroom, where two attendants helped wash and dress him.

"Social services are advertising for camp councilors to work with emotionally challenged kids."

"Oh yeah," He said. "That might suit you."

I'm not sure I knew what he meant but, I was beginning to think I'd outgrown my welcome. My cousin probably would have encouraged me to join the circus if the option had been available. Knowing my living room days were numbered, I thought it best to make an effort and apply.

I had no experience teaching drama—no experience working with kids and no experience going to or working at a camp. Despite all that, I was hired. It's worth noting that it's probably not a good sign if you get a job with no qualifications whatsoever.

My official position was Drama Councillor, and I prided myself that with only a year and half of theatre training behind me, I was well equipped to help others benefit from the wealth of my experience. I imagined myself, Maria Von Trapp, teaching children how to sing while they looked at me adoringly. Somehow, I conveniently blocked out the rebellious early stages she experienced and skipped straight to the good parts. Also, I might add, forgetting about the Nazis and having to climb over a mountain. Still, visions of me biking around camp with a group of happy campers behind me filled me with a sense of self-satisfaction.

As I packed my knapsack with deet and a secret stash of Twinkies, I thought of how only three weeks earlier I'd been in New York walking through Central Park and savoring Cappuccinos at outdoor cafés on Columbus. Now, here I was, ready for something different. The wilderness, I imagined, would be a welcome change—fresh air and loons instead of smog and sirens. I thought smugly about my classmates sweating behind visors at take-out windows shoveling fries into cardboard cups or wrapping sandwiches in tinfoil. Thumbs up to adventure, I told myself. The fact that I'd never once in my life enjoyed the great outdoors didn't factor into my mind. All of this changed with each accumulated minute of the 391 Kilometer drive north.

It was late afternoon when I arrived at the compound. Overcast, sullen, it was a place so secluded you'd need flares to find it. It had that distinct aura of someplace time forgot. A place left behind and neglected. In the brochure, the sun was shining, flowers filled the meadow, and you could practically hear laughter floating off the page. What I was looking at bore more of a resemblance to a situation in a Stephen King novel where camp councilors discover a pack of hungry teenage zombies have lured them to a seemingly idyllic retreat. Situated right in the heart of black fly country, I spent most of my days swatting insects so big they seem Jurassic.

During our orientation, child care workers warned us that children with mental health needs tend to run away - a lot and to keep strict attendance records and all eyes on them at all times. "These kids are resourceful and clever," they cautioned. I couldn't imagine being so determined you'd risk your life by escaping through the woods that surrounded us, but then again, I'd never been around children who weren't allowed cutlery before either

I shared my cabin with three other women with who I had absolutely nothing in common. Delia, a humorless 27-year-old cooking instructor who answered every question with a monosyllabic grunt, Jennifer, a 26-year old tennis instructor with massive blond ringlets who talked so quickly she sounded like a record on high speed, and an older aboriginal woman named Sunny who made us all dream catchers and offered advice about how to heal ourselves on days when we'd feel spent. "Remember, these kids need us," she said while purifying our cabin with sage. As I glanced around my assigned bunk, taking in the spider webs and loose floorboards, I had that sinking feeling that comes when you know you've made a terrible mistake. Before long, I was eating copious amounts of peanut butter on stale bagels amid a never-ending supply of starch. I'm not sure who thought it was a good idea to feed children with challenges like anxiety, depression, hyperactivity, and eating disorders copious amounts of sugar and carbs. It certainly did nothing to help them or me.

On the first day of class, I sat everyone in a circle. "Welcome to drama class," I said with a smile. "Let's begin by sharing with everyone a little bit about ourselves. Anything at all you'd like us to know?" A hand went up.

"I'm Tracy, and I hate my stupid ass brother. He can go straight to hell."

"Okay," I said, "That's a start. Who's next?"

Another hand. "I'm Jonathan, and this place sucks so much I wish it would burn to the ground!"

"Fair enough. Anyone else?"

"I'm Jo. I'm schizophrenic. So sometimes I'm Rachel and Julia. You'll know the difference because Rachel has a British dialect, and Julia talks slang."

"O-kay." I glanced at the social workers who sat on the edge of the room and looked at me with an expression that basically said, "We can't wait to see what you do next."

"Let's write a play," I suggested. "Write anything you want. Once you're happy with the work, I'll shape it into a cohesive piece that we'll rehearse and then present at the end of the season talent showcase."

The kids liked this idea. The showcase was a big deal. It was an opportunity for them to blow off some steam and express themselves to friends and family in a creative way. My only stipulation was not to use profanity. As the weeks passed, I was impressed with how well they all threw themselves into this project—all except Eric, the oldest boy in my 12 to 15-year-olds. Eric often wandered around the rehearsal space, unfocused and sullen.

"Any ideas for your piece?" I ask, checking in to see if I could help.

"I'm thinking," he'd say and then pace.

With three weeks left in the summer, I took my well-deserved week off to decompress. My boyfriend came up from Toronto and drove me to his parent's house at Post and Bayview, where caterers were preparing the tennis courts for an outdoor party. I walked into his mother's living room, and she gasped. "What happened to you?"

I didn't blame her. I hadn't spent much time looking at a mirror the past four weeks, but one glance at the large one in their bathroom told the full story. My hair was ratty; I had scabs on my knees, bruises on my arms and legs, and I was sunburnt. I was wearing a vintage skirt and blouse that was probably more Value Village than vintage and a pair of worn, scuffed purple moccasins; in essence, I was wearing slippers on my feet.

"Please take her to the mall and at least buy her a pair of shoes," his mother said, handing me her credit card and then rushing off to make sure the stuffed alligator would float in the pool. That week I ate my way through rugelach, hamantaschen, brisket, and bagels while his family watched me with awe and disgust.

Back at camp, the smell of burning insect repellent greeted me along with the news that the sailing and tennis instructors were sacked for disorderly conduct. Never mind, I had renewed energy and a sense of purpose. There were costumes and props to make. Sound and lighting effects to create. And we needed to rehearse. It was only a tiny stage somewhere on a remote camp in Northern Ontario, but the excitement was palpable. I was excited. This would be the best talent show ever, and my kids were going to blow the socks off everyone there!!!

"Eric," I said, "How's your piece coming along?"

"I finished it," he mentioned casually

"That's great. Can I see it?"

"I want to surprise you. You're going to love it, though. I promise."

I patted myself on the back. Eric had a breakthrough. All my encouragement and patience had paid off. Perhaps I'd helped him have a developmental breakthrough.

"Can you tell me what it's about?" I asked.

"The Beatles."

"Great. Okay," and left it at that.

Talent Night arrived along with parents and family friends. The lights dimmed, the kids performed, and the audience enthusiastically applauded as each "Mighty Mite" or "Spirit of Paradise" breezed across the stage, acting out skits about fairies and monsters and assorted escapades. Finally, it was Eric's turn. Out he came, looking serious and theatrical. He cleared his throat and addressed the audience.

"This is called, The Beatles Last Recording Session. By, Me."

Three of his closest camp friends filed out and took a space on the stage. The audience was silent.

There was a dramatic pause, then the piece began.

"Fuck you, Ringo,"

"Fuck you, Paul."

"Fuck you, George."

"Well fuck you, John."

Then they bowed and left the stage.

Personally, I thought it was kind of brilliant. Needless to say, I wasn't showered with accolades about my teaching methods or the effect I had on kids. I left there having no catharsis about mental health except that giving people the opportunity to express themselves without censor is probably a lot healthier than insisting they stay quiet. I admired the honesty displayed in the kid's work. If only, I thought to myself, I could be half as brave. Wasn't that what I was spending time and money learning how to do?

A week after being home, I found myself packing, once more, for school in New York. Our term letters had arrived with instructions on where to buy character shoes, leotards, copies of The Children's Hour, and Death of a Salesman. The camp already felt like it was 391 kilometers away - soon to be 659. My father drove me to the train station with my stepmother beside him; she was there, no doubt, to ensure I boarded.

"You going to be okay?" my father asked, giving me a hug and slipping a $50 bill into my pocket.

"She'll be fine." Elsie chimed in. "You don't have to worry about her. Let's go."

But I wanted my father to worry about me. Not all the time and to the exclusion of all else, but certainly the appropriate fatherly amount.

As I settled myself on the train, I watched my stepmother pull from father from the platform to the car and thought of Eric's brilliant play. Under my breath, I whispered the immortal words of the Beatles, "Fuck you."

#stepmother #mental health #children #young people #summer camp

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hyperions-strap · 4 years

Note

for the abo prompts?: rhys and jack have been trying for a baby for a while. nothing seems to be working until one morning jack wakes up with his scent different and sweeter, and as it turns out, rhys is prolly a little too into the pregnant jack smell.

✨💞 Done and posted over on AO3 💞✨

Feel free to send any more prompt ideas 💘

Jack lets his head hang like dead weight, trying to enjoy the feeling of Rhys' knot swollen inside him. His body is aching, only the sweet bliss of endorphins from his alpha knot relieves the pain. They've been having sex every available moment, it's only just starting to become tiresome and more of a chore than a pleasure. Jack always feels content afterwards, when Rhys is practically ready to pass out, and they just stay together, quiet, enjoying the release of their bonded pheromones wrapping around them both like a blanket.

It's more enjoyable for Jack when he's laying on his back, of course, but they've tried that dozens of times, they wanted to test other positions. Admittedly, appreciating how thick Rhys' knot is works best when he's sat up straight, riding him.

He rests his hands on Rhys shoulders, watching the younger man's chest slowly rise and fall with each steady breath. He doesn't even notice the touch of Rhys' flesh hand against his hip - not until there's an accompanied voice to match.

"Jack," his voice is barely even a whisper. It's wrecked from exhaustion, cracking under the weight of itself, but still manages to be quintessentially Rhys' at its core. Jack lifts his eyes to look at the younger man. His heart flutters when he sees him smiling. "How you feeling?"

There's a sorrowful silence for a mere second, before Jack exhales the heaviness cluttering his chest. "I'm fine, kiddo. How's your dick feeling?" He does his best to act normal, but the withering corners of his smile are more of a give away than he realises. Rhys extends a hand to stroke his cheek - the cold metal is surprisingly soothing against Jack's bare cheek, nice against the rough edges of his scar.

"It'll happen, Jack. These things just take time for some people."

Rhys' optimism is warming. It does surprisingly help Jack feel less broken, but it can't work miracles. They've been trying for months to get pregnant, but to no luck. They've seen doctors, fertility specialists, voodoo witches, and hippie love gurus claiming to know the secrets to a bountiful fertile bond, but nothing. There's nothing wrong with either of them, they're both perfectly fertile, everything is in working order, it's just a lack of lady luck, so to speak. Jack doesn't want to admit it, but having no success is beginning to weigh in his self worth more than he appreciates. He's never been a lovey dovey, family oriented, domestic omega, but something about starting a family with Rhys feels unexplainably right. He'd say it's destiny, but that's too cheesy for his liking.

Why couldn't they make a baby then? It seemed like child's play, any moron with a knot and an above average IQ could make it happen, but inexplicably Rhys and Jack couldn't. They'd synced their ruts and heats, they'd used fertility enhancements, they tried every old wives tale as far back as they went, but it seemed like fate had other plans. After a while, the frustration began to infuriate Jack. He wanted this so bad - to give Rhys the family he deserves. It's the one thing he can't threaten or bargain his way into getting! His status as an omega hasn't bothered him since he was a teenager, but now he can't help but resent himself.

He's lucky to be bonded with the most level-headed, docile alpha known to man. Jack could easily put down any knucklehead that pushed him too much, it didn't matter if they were an alpha or not, but having someone with patience and understanding certainly helped Jack's blood pressure. Sure, stereotypes about alphas and omegas weren't inherently true - Jack and Rhys were proof of that - but Jack couldn't deny when his hormones and pheromones for their heaviest and clouded his judgement, he certainly appreciated the loving embrace of an alpha that adored him no matter what.

After a while, Rhys' knot begins to go down, and Jack, with about as much grace as an oversized gorilla, pops off his lap and flops down beside him on the bed. His eyes shut the second his back meets the mattress. A hand rests against his flat stomach, playing with the coarse hairs covering his skin. Jack peers down to see Rhys watching him, content to do so forever.

"I should probably elevate my hips or some shit, right?" Jack teases, lifting said area and holding himself in position with his hands propped against the small of his back. "Keeps the baby goo inside or whatever."

Rhys grimaces, shaking his head. "Don't call it 'baby goo', that's disgusting."

"True though."

"It's cum - just call it cum!"

Jack laughs. He lets the lower half of his body fall back down, bouncing slightly against the springs. Rhys goes back to mindlessly playing with his belly hair, twirling it, sweeping it one way, enjoying how it feels. Jack tries to ignore the pestering voices crawling out of their hiding holes, telling him he's worthless, that all his accomplishments have been for nothing if he can't have a baby with Rhys. They tell him he deserves this, for all the bad he's done, for being a dictator, for being so selfish most of his adult life.

Rhys can see the wheels turning in Jack's head. The older man thinks he's subtle, but he's as easy to read as a kid's book. He rolls on to his front and crawls up to rest on Jack's chest, pouting playfully, walking his fingers up his biceps. Jack smiles softly.

"It'll happen." He says quietly, but it does little to reassure Jack. Rather, it makes him frown.

"What if it doesn't, huh? Will you be okay without a brat to take care off?"

"You're really convincing me you want this to begin with when you call it a brat." He laughs, but Jack rolls his eyes and turns away. It's harder on him, Rhys knows - it's always the way with omegas, but when your partner is hell-bent on denying old fashioned stereotypes associated with his status, it likely will result in deep seated repression, only to finally show itself in abrupt murderous rampages. Getting Jack to admit he even wanted kids to begin with had been a tedious trial, and it hurts him to know he opened a wound he can't heal.

Rhys takes Jack's face in both his hands and kisses him tenderly, drawing out the passion so it sinks in deep with Jack. He loves him more than words could ever begin to convey, even on his worst days, and he hates to know he can't immediately make things better with the flip of a switch.

"It," he kisses him again, "will," and again, "happen. I know it will." Rhys says on the end of a heavy breath, kissing him one more time for longer. Jack moans softly, his hand looping round to hold Rhys' waist.

"Will you be okay if it doesn't?" Jack sounds so fragile, maybe even a little scared. Rhys looks at him shocked before kissing his forehead.

"If we've still got each other, that's all that matters, okay?"

Jack accepts it for now, just so he can settle in for the night and get some sleep. It won't keep him happy forever. The inevitable self loathing will come back, stronger, but all he can do is keep going. He doesn't think Rhys is lying either - he probably will be okay with just Jack if they never have kids, but it's still scary to imagine a world where Jack's better half leaves him because he was some kind of detective omega. He puts his arms around Rhys and does his best to think of good things. Against all his instincts, he even says a soft prayer to himself, hoping for good news.

A few weeks go by with no change. They still fuck like rabbits and research any new fertility treatments available, but it's boring routine at that point. Eventually Jack suggests they think realistically about giving up, which Rhys fights him on and insists they just need to stay positive, but the older man gets serious fast. It's easy to assume Jack's just being his usual aggressive self, dominating the conversation, belittling Rhys to feel like a tough guy, but the truth is he can't handle feeling like a failure much longer. Waking up, taking tests, seeing no change, it's starting to seriously break his heart.

One morning however, when Rhys had to spend an all nighter at the office, Jack wakes up with what feels like a groggy hangover. Everything is just slightly discombobulated, his limbs feeling heavier than usual, and his eyes take a lot longer to adjust before he can confidently sit up without getting dizzy. He's not sure why he feels so peculiar - he hasn't been drunk in God knows how many months - but he's too tired to really ponder it. He rubs his eyes tirelessly with the balls of his palm, followed by stretching his arms out wide above his head until he hears a distinct crack from his back.

He thinks about getting himself breakfast, but the comforting heat of his bed is too intoxicating. He wants to snuggle down again, bury himself under his duvet and sleep away his day without a care in the world. Thankfully, just as his stomach begins to rumble, he hears the front door echo, and Rhys' tired voice call up to him.

"Before you collapse in bed, do me a favour and make some French toast, will ya, pumpkin?" Jack yells out. He grins victoriously when he hears Rhys groan in response. The sound of cutlery clinking together is like music to Jack's ears.

When Rhys looks shattered when he walks into the bedroom with Jack's food. His tie hangs loosely around his neck, along with his shirt untucked and left scruffy after popping a few buttons, and his eyes struggle to keep themselves open. When the plate is in Jack's hands, he haphazardly clambers out of his suit pants and collapses with a thud into the bed beside Jack, face first in the pillows.

Jack eats his toast, staring at Rhys, amused by the sight of his wonderful alpha disheveled. It takes a few minutes before Rhys moves again, lazily sitting up and running a hand through his hair. The only sound between them is Jack's crunching.

Then Rhys frowns. He turns sharply to face the older man, staring at him quizzically. When Jack catches him he pauses mid bite.

"Wha-?" He mumbles past the toast in his mouth before taking a bite and swallowing. Rhys flares his nostrils and sniffs the air loudly, to Jack's dismay. "What's the deal, cupcake? You're being a freakin' weirdo!"

"Something smells good…" Is all Rhys can say before he's feverishly sniffing the air again. Jack rolls his eyes.

"I'm eating French toast, it's probably that."

Rhys shakes his head. "No, this is different...it's kind of sweet."

"French toast can be sweet--"

"It's not French toast, Jack!" Rhys snatches the plate from his hands to put in the bedside table. Without warning he grabs Jack possessively and sticks his nose flat against the crook of Jack's neck, scenting along their bonding point. It causes the older man to shudder, a sudden spike of heat rushing through his veins and lighting every muscle he has aflame. Rhys inhales deeply up and down his neck repeatedly. It's really sweet - almost sickenly so, but not so much Rhys would want to pull away. It's like a familiar smell, homely, that makes him want more and more so he can unlock a treasured secret. He inhales more, as if even possible.

Jack starts to feel wavy. Rhys' own alpha pheromones begin to fill the air, possessing Jack, gently rocking him into a tranquil trance. He's fully aware of what's happening, but his body is lighter than he remembers it being. It's a safe feeling, an uncontrollable peace that happens when Rhys is blissfully possessive. He moves his arm to touch Rhys' face, wanting to stroke his cheek and maybe try persuade him into a kiss if he's coherent enough to do so. He gets as far as Rhys shoulder before the younger man takes his hand in his own.

Then Rhys licks Jack's sensitive skin, and moans like he's experienced food for the first time after being starved. He licks again, then nips him softly, stopping when Jack starts purring a little too sensually. It takes a lot to pull himself away, but when he does he immediately knows the answers to all his questions. He takes Jack's face in his hands and kisses him excitedly, knocking Jack out of his state.

"You're pregnant!" Rhys cheerfully yells, bombarding Jack with congratulatory kisses. The older man mumbles in confusion, eventually able to detain Rhys from his wild excitement to actually understand what's happening. He stares at Rhys, his eyes wide like dinner bowls.

"Run that by me again, kitten?" He asks urgently, and Rhys obliges, taking his hands in his own.

"Your smell, Jack, it's different! It's us, it's a mix, and it's the most amazing smell I've ever smelled in my entire life!"

Jack is still visibly confused though, baffled by the frantic happiness his partner displays. He lets the words sink in for a moment, then moves to get out of bed, pacing the spot. He thinks about the impossibility, how it's a cruel prank, or a trick, or maybe even a dream. Is there a smell? The French toast still smells pretty good, he doesn't want to say it's him in case it's just his own gluttony tricking him.

Then Rhys pounces out of bed and nuzzles into his neck again, sniffing in short bursts before inhaling deeply again. Jack's legs go tingly, and he has to catch himself against the wall before he falls in a slump. He can feel Rhys' cock tenting his boxers, pushing up against him eagerly.

"Kid, slow your roll," Jack manages to get out, pushing Rhys off him so he can see his face, still lit up like a Christmas tree. "I'm still catching up. What's that nose of yours trying to tell me?"

Rhys composes himself best he can. He takes Jack's hands in his own and pulls them to his chest. His heart is beating like a jackhammer, fearing it might burst any second. Jack can't fault him, his is about the same if Rhys is really about to confirm what he thinks he is.

"It worked, Jack. You're pregnant."

The words carry such weight to them, Jack's embarrassed to say he actually tears up. It's a surprise to Rhys, he hadn't expected the older man to shed a tear for just about anything, but there he is, waterfalls falling down his cheeks despite his best efforts to stop. Jack frowns despite them, says it's Rhys' fault for inducing some omega hormone in him, but it doesn't ruin the moment. Rhys pulls him in for a long, loving hug and squeezes tight. He takes joy in nuzzling his nose into his neck again, scenting what he's now sure is their offspring, snug and protected inside Jack. It's the sweetest smell he'll ever know, he's sure.

They book a doctor's appointment to make sure it's all true, and sure enough it's confirmed. Jack gets a scan and they see their pea sized baby on a blurry black and white monitor. It's almost surreal, Jack's convinced he's still dreaming hours after the appointment. It doesn't fully register until he's back home standing in the kitchen, and Rhys has his arms wrapped around his middle. His hands are placed gently over where their child will grow. It makes both their hearts flutter to think about.

When Jack feels an airy fuzziness coming over himself again, he groans, trying to knock Rhys off. "Stop scenting me, for God's sake, or I won't be able to stand the next 9 freakin' months!"

Rhys chuckles. He kisses their bonding spot softly and leans over his shoulder slightly. "It's a really good smell though, Jack."

"Well what do you expect, it's me you're talking about. I produce only the best."

"Yeah," Rhys spins Jack around so they're facing one another and holds him in his arms. He can't help the huge, dopey grin lifting the entirety of his face. "You really do."

#rhack #rhack abo #rhack mpreg #rhack fic #handsome Jack #rhys strongfork #alpha rhys #borderlands #omega jack #tales from the borderlands #mpreg

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rachelalghul · 4 years

Text

Damirae request

@ravenfan1242 sorry for the late post! Kinda had a writer’s block for this one,, hope you like this . Also this is only part 1. I just thought that writing everything in one post would be too long here

[part 1]

Damian had always been the one to harass her verbally, like how could his brother take someone so dangerous into the Tower? He knew Dick’s got that thing where he always wanted to help someone vulnerable; call it a leadership act or whatever. Damian hated it. While Dick saw her as a vulnerable person in need of help, he saw her as a ticking bomb. She was a demon for god’s sake. A demon whose father wanted to wipe out planets for his own pleasure. A demon who could not even control her own powers without Dick’s help. Whenever she went haywire, Dick had to inject a sleeping liquid into her to calm down, and then he will carry her back to the Tower in the middle of a battle. Damian always felt that disgusted feeling in him whenever he saw how Dick cared for her, like she was something delicate that might break any second. Well, that wasn’t wrong. She really was a ticking bomb.

He hated how Dick never got mad at her for losing control in the middle of a battle. And he mostly did not like when Dick pat her head, dismissing her with a comforting smile and she would smile back, like she didn’t just put everyone’s life at risk. God, why couldn’t Dick see how terrible his decision was to take in Raven?

Damian watched his brother in front of him, reading his report on his patrol at the dining table. He heaved a sigh and Dick looked up from the paper, raising an eyebrow.

“Nothing,” Damian rolled his eyes and continued to prop his chin in his palm as he checked his phone for any important emails.

Dick put down Damian’s report and nodded, “Okay, I see everything is under control under your watch,”

Damian snorted, “Of course, I’m not a ticking bomb unlike someone else,”

By the time he said it, Raven had just entered the kitchen, and it was too late for him to do anything to take it back. Not like he cared if he hurt her feelings. Raven pretended not to hear what he said and proceeded to go to the fridge.

“Damian,” Dick called him with a warning tone with a glare.

He sat up straight and sighed, “What? Am I wrong? You always had to carry her out of the battlefield whenever she couldn’t control her powers. You do know that she’s putting everyone’s life at risk with her condition as a ticking bomb,”

“Dami—”

“I’m sorry,” Dick got cut off suddenly and both of them turned to her. She was holding an apple in her hands with her gaze down at the floor, “I’m sorry that I put everyone’s life at risk. But I just wanted to help—”

“You can help by not going onto the battlefield. Just stay at the Tower for fuck’s sake,”

“Damian stop,” Dick stood up from his stool. He ran his hands through his hair with a sigh. “Okay, for tonight’s patrol Raven is going to join you,”

Damian’s jaw dropped while Raven’s eyes widened at what Dick just said. Damian pointed at her with his index finger, “You want me to go with her? A fucking ticking bomb? On patrol?”

“Don’t call her that, Damian,” Dick glared at him.

“Fine, if you went haywire, I’m not going to help you,” Damian turned to her, “Figure it out yourself, I’m not going to help you like Dick does,”

And with that he left the kitchen with fast stomping steps. His anger was vibrating off him and he needed to release it on something. He needed to punch something. What he needed was a good punch. Hence the battle room was the place he went for.

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Raven was cutting her apple with Dick tapping his foot on the floor anxiously watching her. He did not want Raven to go patrol with Damian yet. He wasn’t sure if Raven was ready yet to go into a potential battlefield without him around. But he couldn’t take his words back.

“Dick,” Raven called, turning around from cutting her apple into slices near the sink and sat in front of him at the island. “I’m going to be okay,”

“Huh?” He looked at her with a raised brow before realizing few seconds later that she could feel his anxiousness. She was an empath. He rubbed his neck awkwardly with a tight smile, “Sorry,”

“It’s okay, I don’t… I don’t have to use my powers on patrol, right? There is no fighting needed on patrol?” She tilted her head to the side while taking an apple slice into her mouth, her hoping violet eyes met his piercing blue eyes filled with worry.

“Mm, from Damian’s latest report, there isn’t anything going on for now,” he took one apple slice from her plate, which earned him a glare from her. He smiled eating it, “But we can’t be sure of everything. If you can, please avoid using your powers if something came in your way. Use your combat skills that I’ve been teaching you,”

She nodded her head slowly, gaze down, “Okay,”

Dick bit his lower lip before proceeding to pat her on her head softly, “You’ll be fine, Rae, I won’t let anything happen to you,”

Damian went ahead on patrol without waiting for her. He took his motorcycle and drove out on his own. Raven had to fly there on her own, which wasn’t so much a hustle, but it did kind of hurt her when he didn’t wait, though that was just how Damian was.

When she arrived, Damian was sitting on the edge of the building, looking down at the streets using his binoculars. He felt her presence but he couldn’t care less to apologize to her.

Raven floated toward him, “Robin, why didn’t you wait for me?”

“You were late and I’m not going to let the patrol start late just for you, am I?” He replied, his eyes were still in the binoculars looking around.

A soft sigh escaped her as she sat down next to him, looking down at the dark gloomy streets. She could see shady guys in hoodies were waiting in the corner, ready to mug innocent civilians. “Are we waiting for them to attack people?”

“What?” He looked at her and she pointed toward a dark corner that didn’t have any lights around. How could he not see three guys were hiding there? He had been looking around for fifteen minutes until Raven arrived and she noticed him the second she sat next to him?

“We’ll wait until someone approach the street,” he said, putting down his binoculars.He couldn’t see what face Raven was making under her hood and his jaw tightened. Was she making fun of him for not noticing three shady guys were hiding in the corner? Was she mocking him silently with a snicker? Was she questioning his ability as a Robin—

“Look, there’s one person walking into the alley,” Raven’s voice knocked him out of his thoughts and his gaze followed her finger.He saw one teenager walking into the alley with no idea what was about to happen to him.

He stood up on the edge of the building, “You go take care of the civilian. I’ll deal with the guys,”

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay against three guys?”Her question made his jaw ticked, and he clenched his fist, “I can handle three guys just fine,”

Damian rolled his eyes under his mask annoyingly before jumping off the building and landed smoothly on the big dumpster. He smirked while glancing at her for a second and went straight to the three guys.

Raven had a tight grimace on her face before she flew down toward the civilian and told him to use a safer street. After making sure the civilian was okay, she turned around to see Damian kicking one guy in the guts and punched another in the face. He barely dodged a blow from the third guy before he used his knee to knock the man’s jaw; he was thrown to the walls.

I should help

She thought for a mere second and floated toward him only to be stopped by his frustrated scream.

“You stay right there!” Damian threw the man to the floor by the collar of his hoodie. He glared straight into her eyes with menace, “Don’t try to help me.”

Raven bit her lower lip and slowly backed away. She stood next to the dumpster watching Damian fighting three guys alone, he seemed so…enthusiastic. Like he was enjoying every second hearing the pained grunts coming from the three men. Those three men were not a match for Damian alone. They had to have at least six or seven people to actually get him.

Her violet gaze followed Damian’s figure around, swinging his leg swiftly to the back of the knee, easily taking down a man. A sliver of light was reflected to her by the moonlight above them. Her eyes strained to look for the source and she gasped when she saw the hidden knife behind a man wearing a grey beanie over his bald head.

Her foot stepped into a puddle and Damian glanced to her briefly with a sharp gaze, “Don’t. Move.”

The moment his attention was drawn to her the man with the knife swing his right arm toward his guts. Damian panicked as he didn’t have much time to dodge. He moved to the side but the man had another knife in his left hand and went straight to his stomach.

Raven quickly stepped in and threw a bolt of her dark magic toward the man and blast him away. Blood dripped from Damian’s stomach and she saw it was only a graze from the knife. Her timing was barely quick enough to avoid more fatal injury.

“Are you okay?” Raven asked him with worry slashed shock in her voice. Her eyes scanned around for more injury and sighed in relief when she checked he only had one injury. Though, losing blood a lot wasn’t good.

“Move,” Damian pushed her to the side harshly and landed a punch against the last man who was going to stab her with a knife.

Her eyes widened when Damian was stabbed instead. He successfully knocked down the man, but he still got injured in the end. More blood gushing out of his guts and he fell to his knee with a rough grunt. His hand holding tight against his bloody guts.

“Damian!” Raven quickly knelt down beside him and touched his hand.

He flinched from her and hissed, “Don’t touch me,”

She swallowed her hurt emotion in and said, “Let’s heal you first,”

Slowly, she took a deep breath while closing her eyes and let it out with the same motion. Her attention was focused on his bloody hand. Under his glaring gaze, she tried to not be shaken by it and her hand moved to his hand. She tried her luck again and gently touched him to move his hand away from the bloody skin. Surprisingly he didn’t slap her hand away; she had to look up to his face to check him. He was breathing hard and probably almost losing his consciousness.

Ah, that’s why

Raven took a deep breath again and palmed the bloody injury, feeling the wet warm liquid against her skin. She focused on her hand and her power was coming out like a light bulb flickering before it died.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Damian asked, breathlessly, his green eyes focused on. He couldn’t really move his limbs now, also, being touched by her didn’t actually feel bad. Ugh

Her violet gaze focused again on her hand with her lips pursed in determination. She wasn’t going to let Damian lose his blood to death, no matter how many times he had hurt her verbally.

Damian was about to push her away when he felt the sudden feeling of his pain fading away. His eyes widened slightly watching her small hand surrounded by black aura on his stomach. His eyes turned to her to see she was pursing her lips tightly in pain. Sweats running down the side of her face, her eyes shutting tight every few seconds.

Is she taking my pain?

Raven pulled her hand away and looked up into his green eyes, “Do you feel any pain?”

Nothing. He felt nothing down his stomach. As if he was never stabbed in the first place. “No,”

She sighed with a soft smile. The smile that she had always showed to Dick. “Good,” and few seconds after that she passed out on the ground next to him.

“Raven!”

part 2 is coming in maybe a few days

#raven #damian wayne #damirae #damirae fanfiction #demonbirds #fanfiction #rachel roth #dc cinematic universe

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sarcastically-defensive17 · 4 years

Note

Hey, so I really like your work so I have a request 👀 maybe you could write Luke and reader being best friends but both having deeper feelings, they're roommates but they fight over Luke's gf bc he says that she needs to move out bc his girlfriend wants to move in and she doesn't like reader so she ends up leaving and running with Crystal but she asks to not tell anyone (except Mike for obvious reasons) that she's there and Luke is really worried but he and reader end up together, pretty please

I LOVE THIS REQUEST!! Sorry if I didn’t do it justice, but I hope you like it!

Also I’m so sorry that the layout went weird! I posted it from my computer and now it looks odd on the phone!

Original story by sarcastically-defensive17

Love? Love. - L. Hemmings

"If she gets those fake blonde extensions wrapped around my straightener one more time, Lucas, I will rip them out myself."

He simply sighed, focusing more of his attention on his phone rather than his best friend.

Y/N and Luke has been best friends since they were 17. They kindled their friendship on the very last day of year 12, such as she did with Calum and Michael.

Since that day, as they sat in the barren English Room and discussed everything and anything that came to mind, her and Luke had been inseparable.

She was the Bucky to his Steve, the Yang to his Yin, the regular sized human to his giant stature.

Well, until Suzanna stepped into the picture.

She is 5"7, coated in fake tan that was applied by somebody with the vision of Stevie Wonder and fake blonde extensions that accentuate how beautiful she would be, if she toned down the Geordie Shore look.

Y/N couldn't help but wonder if her personality would be able to shine brightly through the thick foundation, if she had one, that is.

"Thank you for pretending to listen to me, I appreciate it so much," she rolled her eyes.

For the past few weeks the air in the house had been incredibly tense.

"Y/N?" He asked, his voice hesitant. "Can I talk to you about something?"

She couldn't stop her eyes from lighting up. This was the calmest her and luke had been with each other in almost a week, and she would take any chance to talk to him in a civilized manner.

To be honest, the idea of talking to him did nothing to quell the overflowing feelings she had for the man.

"Is that even a question? You can always talk to me, Lu," she sat opposite to him on the lounge, pulling her legs up underneath her.

He was nervous. That was obvious in the way he raked his fingers through his blonde curls. Suzanna constantly hounded at him to cut his hair but Y/N knew how much he loved his hair.

She couldn't deny that she adored the ringlets that decorated his soft locks.

"I've been meaning to talk to you about this for a little bit," he rung his hands together, spinning rings on his fingers. "I, um, I'm gonna need you to move out."

He mumbled the last few words, sighing softly when she asked him to repeat it. It's safe to say, she was at a loss of words.

"You - you want me to move out? Why?" Her eyebrow was cocked, and she tilted her head to the side slightly.

Luke couldn't help but admire how much she resembled a puppy dog. He always found her to be a mix of adorable and purely beautiful. Which is part of the reason he forced himself to say yes when Suzanna asked to take a larger step in their relationship.

He had spent so much time fighting his feelings for Y/N. Suzanna helped, but he still needed to force himself to deny his feelings in favour of the smaller ones he had for his girlfriend.

He was cruel, he knew it.

"Suzanna and I were talking, and we’re ready to move in together. And she couldn't move in here because of-"

"Because of what? Because I can't stand the woman that has cheated on you multiple times?" Y/N was angry, that much she knew. She couldn't believe the audacity. "Why am I not surprised?"

"Well I would love nothing more than for my girlfriend and my best friend to get along but you make it so difficult for Suzanna to get to know you," he snapped pinching the bridge of his nose between his long fingers.

"I gave her a chance before she slept with one of your mates, Luke. As far as I'm concerned, you should have gotten rid of her months ago when she did it a second time."

"Why can't you just be happy for me?" His eyes were narrowed and the blue orbs held the same lack of patience she had seen a lot over the past week.

She opened her mouth to retort but couldn't find the words to say. Truthfully, she was shattered when Luke told her about his relationship, but she decided to be the bigger person and let go of the idea that Luke could be hers. Their friendship has lasted too long for that to be a possibility.

Luke's comment set her off.

"Oh so I am meant to happy for you, with the Geordie Barbie who fucks another guy regularly, but you couldn't be happy for me with Daniel?"

"Daniel was an asshole!"

"And so is Suzanna!"

They were both on their feet now, staring each other down with a ferocity they hadn't seen since an argument in their teenage years.

Sure, Daniel was a bit of an asshole, but Luke knew he was in the wrong for hating the man so fiercely. The moment he had finally worked up the nerve to ask Y/N on a date - a real date - Daniel swept in and the two were together for almost a year until he started getting more controlling.

The last straw was when Daniel flipped because of the close relationship Y/N and Luke shared and Luke threw a punch at him.

"You're jealous," Luke scoffed, his blue eyes aimed anywhere but at her for he knew his anger was unwarranted but he couldn't bare to face the truth about his relationship.

"Excuse me?" She cocked a brow again and he had to glance away quickly as his eyes fell on her for a second.

"You are jealous that I can keep somebody around and you haven't been able to keep anybody around for almost a year." His brows were pinched tight together and he squared his shoulders.

It was easy for Y/N to notice the slight hunch in his posture, a symbol that he was immediately guilt stricken by his words.

"Oh, I'm so sorry that I can't settle for somebody who doesn't deserve me," she barked out a sarcastic laugh, slamming her hand on the bench to grab her keys.

Luke opened his mouth to retort, but she fixed him with a glare so angry that he physically recoiled.

She slipped her vans on at the door, grabbing her bag off of the hook where she organized all of her daily belongings. She was meticulous and Luke had always admired how neat she was compared to his disorganized chaos.

"You wanted me gone? I'm going. Don't bother contacting me til you wake up to yourself," she stomped towards the door, pausing as she pulled the wood open. "I'll have my stuff gone by the end of the week. Tell Barbie to keep my straightener. God knows she fucked it anyways."

The door slammed behind her and the entire house instantly felt as if the warmth was gone.

She went straight to Crystal's house. The woman was packing for the impending move to a new house; one which her and Michael would share.

"So he wants you to move out so that thing can move in?" Her voice was laced with disgust.

All of them despise Suzanna. The woman had hurt Luke more times than they could count, she blatantly ignores or insults both Y/N and Crystal for fear of any sort of threat in her relationship, yet she regularly cheats on him.

Go figure.

Y/N made a noise of agreement around her glass of wine. The minute she had stepped in the door Crystal had phoned Micheal and ordered a Girls Night, to which Y/N profusely demanded that she would make it up to the couple whose date night she disturbed.

"He better hope I don't get my hands on him, Y/N."

"It's not worth it Crys," she sighed, swirling the contents of her glass in a circle. "I've been basically invisible in that house since the Barbie started coming around."

Crystal pulled the girl into a hug. Not many knew of her hidden feelings for Luke, but Crystal figured it out after a week of knowing the pair.

"I'll cut her extensions and glue them to Luke's eyebrows."

<><><><><><>

Exactly a month had passed. Y/N had ordered Crystal and Michael to not speak a word of where she was because she didn't want to see Luke. Instead, she found a small apartment to live in, while she gathered her wits to find a better place.

She knew it was petty, but she didn't have the care to feel guilty.

Luke on the other hand, was going insane and harbored so much regret surrounding his decision that he couldn't bare to think straight.

Moving in with Suzanna did nothing to make the home feel less empty. Y/N had made sure to collect the rest of her things while Luke was out.

She knew his schedule inside and out and used it to her advantage.

Luke wanted nothing more than to see her face. To hear her voice. The time apart made him realize just how deep his feelings went. The same feelings he had spent many years attempting to bury.

Now his only fear was that he would never get the chance to tell the woman how much he needs her in his life.

That, and how he would manage to get rid of the woman who he had caught sneaking out of their house at all hours of the night.

He didn't know what to expect when he entered his house to hear pornographic moans echoing from the bedroom.

He didn't feel angry. He didn't feel sad. He didn't even feel betrayed.

In fact, he couldn't contain his laughter. After all, catching her in the act of cheating on him simply opened the window for him to break up with her without the guilt.

He simply walked towards their bedroom door, which was ajar, and entered with no hesitation.

He was met with the sight of a bare assed male and a moaning Suzanna.

"I'm breaking up with you," he had a wide smile on his face, already planning his next actions with severe determination. He pulled his long curls into a small bun at the back of his head, “Please get out by tomorrow?"

He didn't leave room for her to argue, instead choosing to snatch his keys off of the bench and exit the house while Suzanna called him from behind.

The minute his backside hit the seat of his Jeep, he had the key turned in the ignition and he was dialing Crystal's phone number.

If anybody knew how to get in contact with Y/N, it would be the woman she had the closest bond to.

"What do you want, Luke?"

"Is Y/N at your house?" He asked quickly.

He was met with silence for a moment. He knew that Crystal knew where she was, but he also knew Crystal would most likely be reluctant.

"Why should I tell you? Want to go kick her out of her own house again?" He heard the malice in her voice.

It was obvious that after a month the pain would still linger. He deserved to be spoken to in such a way.

He knew he had a lot to make up for.

A deep sigh sounded through the receiver, and Crystal took another moment to reply.

"She is going to kill me for this, but I swear, you better be taking your breadstick ass over to apologise or I will kill you myself," she recited the address for an apartment not far from where Crystal and Michael now lived, and hung the phone up without another word.

He arrived at the apartment block soon after, and rushed up the stairs - not having the patience to wait for the elevator.

Number 304 shone brightly in his vision, and his heart tugged at the thought of seeing Y/N again.

He knocked with such urgency that caused the girl inside to jump out of her seat.

The door swung open and before she could close it in his face a converse covered foot was wedged between the door and the frame.

He cringed at the pain but refused to move it.

"What do you want?" Her voice was hard, and his stomach lurched at the sound. Even if she was mad, she still sounded more melodic that he ever could.

He chose to jump straight to the point, not wanting to leave room for her to reject him before he could confess.

"I have been in love with you since a few months after we met. I realised it when we were at your house, and you were doting over your baby cousin," His eyes were basically smiling, as he retrieved the fond memory. "Since that moment, I have done my best to push down how I feel about you, but I am sick of hiding it. I just broke up with Suzanna. I walked in on her with another guy, but I can't do this without you. I can't go back to that house for another minute without you there."

She was at a loss for words. He spoke so fast that it took a moment to piece his sentences together, and when she did, she couldn't help the confused look that coated her features.

"You- what?"

"I broke up with Suzanna," he had a wide smile on his face that she couldn't comprehend.

"Finally?"

"Yes. And, I have been in love with you since we were 18."

"Are you sure?" She cocked her head again.

The action made his stomach erupt in butterflies. He truly adored how she could look so cute through a simple gesture.

Y/N was genuinely confused. She knew how she felt about Luke. The month apart from him hadn't done anything to stop those feelings.

She truly had feelings stronger for him than she had for any of her past relationships. If she were to think about it, she would even say that she loved him.

"How could I not be sure?" He pinched his brows together in confusion. He grabbed both of her hands in his, leading her into the house and to the lounge where they both slumped down.

She stammered, "Where did this even come from? How?-"

He moved his hands to the side of her face, framing her confused expression.

She didn't know how to feel. For so long, Y/N had longed for Luke to notice her in such a way, and now that he is admitting that he has felt the same way about her that she had about him for so long, she was truly at a loss of words.

His eyes were full of pent up emotion. He didn't necessarily look sad, but he looked the most apologetic she had ever seen him, and she had been there through many emotions with the man,"Y/N, I'm sorry. Not just for what happened last month, but for everything I have done. I'm sorry I couldn't work up the courage to confess to you so many years ago, I'm sorry I let my jealousy ruin your relationship with Daniel, I am sorry I wasted time with other girls just to try and deny how much I truly adore you, and I am sorry that I ever thought I would be happy choosing anybody over you. I can't stand to live without you, and even if you have zero feelings for me in the same way I feel for you, would you please come back-"

She pulled his hands from her face and put her own on his before crushing her lips against his in an urgent moment of passion.

The contact was full of so much emotion, and it was the most loving kiss she had experienced from any of those who she had kissed.

It was intimate, but not rushed. Simply lips against lips; no pushing to move it deeper.

They pulled back after an unknown time, and she bumped her nose against his.

"I can't tell you how long I have wanted to do that for," she told him, feeling most of her anger melt away along with her confusion.

Instead, they both felt a love that they hadn't felt before.

"Come back, please?" He was ready to beg. Hell, he was ready to not go back to that house until she was ready to go with him.

"My name's still on the lease, you can bet your thick ass I'm coming back. But if I see one blonde hair extension, I will go on the warpath," she smirked at him, staring at his plump lips.

"I'll make sure it's spotless for your return," Luke beamed at her, feeling his nerves both escape his body and ignite at her touch.

"Good. Now get back over here and kiss me some more."

#luke hemmings #luke hemmings x reader #5sos #5 seconds of summer #crystal leigh #michael clifford #calum hood #Ashton irwin

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