#cant stop thinking about how theyve lived whole lives before i was even on this earth

[shroomsnail]

feeling that uneasiness about time passing by so quickly but not bc its making /me/ older but bc the middle aged people in my life are visibly getting older . . .

#cant stop thinking about how theyve lived whole lives before i was even on this earth #and the persons that im seeing now are the result of all those years theyve experienced while i was literally just atoms #who Are they #and theyll probably be gone before i get to their current age. oof #time can do whatever it wants to me but when i see its effect in the people who ive known for years/decades . . .

[ppnuggie]

hi! if ur comfortable with it can i ask for the constructicon and insecticons x gn human reader?:3

　　　　　　G1 x gn reader

　　　　『　constructicons ,, insecticons ,, gender neutral reader 』

　　-> relationship headcannons

　　— fluff ,, sfw ,, crack

　　— YESSS i love these guys sm 😭🙏🙏 i wrote sm of them ,, hope you enjoy

    - constructicons

| • these guys are so silly ,, theyre always trying to get your attention ,, especially if youve been gone for long or theyve been at work for a while

| • whether hook wishes to admit it or not ,, he does make plans with you in mind . he thinks about you more than youd think ,, always on the lookout whilst at work for something that'd pique your interest

| • scrapper just enjoys hanging around you in general ,, no matter what it is you two do !

| • you two could chill out and watch earth tv shows and he'd enjoy every minute ,, especially if it means you get to sit in his lap

| • mixmaster loves to steal you away any chance he gets though ! so be prepared to be picked up and tossed all around with him around

| • he is a sweetie though ,, and loves to hug and hold you close to him ,, even if its just an excuse to be close to you

| • mixmaster would take you wherever you wished to go ,,vibing to whatevers on the radio

| • but dont forget about scavenger :( whilst pushed out a lot by the rest of the constructicons ,, he really feels happy with you

| • he enjoys mass displacing and making blanket forts with you . he also loves how soft everything is ,, you included ! he'll probably steal any plushies you have and store them away in his habsuite <3

| • or he'll snatch a couple of blankets and pillows when you arent looking

| • bonecrusher also doesnt mind what you two do ,, but he is somewhat intrigued by human food ,, and tries to make it based off one of the shows you watched with scrapper

| • it didnt go so well though ,, and the other constructicons make fun of him for it

| • he enjoys when you give him a little cheek kiss ,, the big bot acts like a little girl ,, giggling in delight

| • long haul usually gets time to spend with you last because of how overworked he is ,, but he knows you'll listen to his troubles

| • youre there to cheer him up ,, make him feel better ,, he swore that if he wasnt a decepticon and wasnt so attached to the constructicons ,, he'd give away his days to spend with you

    - insecticons

| • being with the insecticons is quite chaotic ,, especially when they dont really listen to the rules and all

| • not only are they super clingy but theyre super overprotective of you ,, any bot that happens to look wrong at you is now landing themselves into the medbay for repair

| • shrapnel spends the most time with you ,, whether you think about it or not

| • he usually says its to protect you from certain decepticons ,, but hes just really worried that something might happen and he wont be there to help you

| • youre the only human he likes :( he cant have you just dying on him ,, now when hes this attached

| • kickback loves to break into your home though ,, no matter how often you try to foolproof your house of insecticons ,, he always finds a way in

| • honestly youre considering getting bugspray but youre pretty sure thatd just make him mad

| • kickback also loves invading your fridge <3 so thanks to him youre always in need of a refill

| • though he usually eats the leftovers that you havent gotten around to eating ,, and unfortunately the tubberware too

| • its pretty much futile to stop him from eating it ,, hes threatened to eat the whole fridge before and you honestly dont want to take that chance

| • it takes time but bombshell ends up warming up to you in the end ,, and finds himself conflicted about his emotions for you

| • on one hand ,, youre a human and he knows how little time you live ,, how its a waste of time to even bother mingling with you

| • and on the other ,, youre quite addictive ,, and he cant bring himself to stop seeing you in the end ,, always seeking you out

| • he's probably the one with the only braincell amongst the insecticons ,, always fretting about how the others are gonna crush you

| • he doesn't understand how you can just laugh it off ,, letting kickback lay all his weight in your lap ,, he swore he heard a crunch somewhere !

| • though due to this ,, hes hesitant on giving you affection ,, but he does adore when you give him a hug or a kiss to the forehead

| • at night when you cuddle ,, he chitters silently and it's honestly become a replacement for white noise on the background

#transformers x reader #x reader #x gender neutral reader #insecticons #insecticons x reader #constructicons #constructicons x reader #generation 1 #tf g1 #transformers g1 #🌄.g1 #🌄.insecticons #🌄.constructicons

[ennis-rock]

Brokeback Mountain,

when i first watched this movie i was bedridden for 3 days because i couldnt stop crying. Having to find fix-it fics on AO3 just to dull the pain a little. It is another tragic love story. In the face of poverty and helplessness Jack and Ennis both go to Joe Aguirre in search of a stable place to work. While on this mountain herding the sheep, Jack and Ennis experience a spark, a spark that grows into a fire, a fire thats burning down their lives while simultaneously taking a hold of them in a way they’ve never experienced before. burning everything they know and love. Ennis’ fear of commitment to a man because of the traumatic experiences he had when his father was still around, scared to face these problems he runs iff and marries Alma. Ennis reunites with Jack 4 years after and is dragged back into this hazardous fire that grabs a hold of them both. This time around however they both have families, children, wives. And i think thats important to remember because through the film you see Jacks willingness to up and leave them all just for the sake of Ennis. His love for Ennis is bigger than just the two cowboys out in the suburbs of wyoming and texas. Its this swallowing feeling, a feeling of loving something so much you cant even put it into words, and on top of that youre not allowed to act upon them.

Brokeback Mountain is easily my favorite movie of all time. The cinamatography mixed with the beautiful gut-wrenching story line is something that only a few directors have achieved. This is one of the movies i could talk about for forever, it’s meanings hidden so deep within, all the subtle hints and the longing feelings and the heartbreak. This movie has so many layers.

The best scene of the movie isnt any of the ones of them together, in my opinion it is the scene after theyve come back from the mountain. Jack has just droven off and Ennis starts walking, he suddend\ly rouches over and starts retching. The overwhelming feeling in this scene show just how deep their releationship will last, how much it truly means to them both. Ennis acts calm and collected while on the mountain, when he gets down and is alone for he first time in months he finaly lets all the emotions go, he doesnt hold back. The guilt he must be feeling because of his father, the adoration he has for Jack. Its like everythig comes crashing down on him all at the same time. The overwhelming feeling of not knowing what was next, his whole life has changed in such a short amount of time. He is in love with Jack and he knows it, but he cant do anything about it because of the timing and the place.

That feeling is such a reletable and crushing feeling. The feeling of suffocating while also feeling like you’re dreaming. This movie is such an amazing portrayl og being gay. It doesnt make it seem perfect, it shows us how bad it can get, and how some people never have and never will get to terms with it. After Jacks death, Ennis moves into a trailor, his daughter and ex-wife concerned for him because hes alone all the time, but thats just it. He found his forever person and that person was taken away from him. You never get over something like that. It takes a hold of you and its all you can think about.

This is my favorite movie, and it will continue to be one of the best of all time in my opinion. I cannot reccomend it enough.

“Jack, I swear.”

#ennis del mar #jack twist #brokeback mountain #gay #lgbt #lgbt movies #pride #brokeback #cowboys #gay cowboys #movie #movie analysis #movie review #jake gyllenhaal #heath ledger

[walnutcookie]

please write a ramble abt how fucked up roguefort is /nf

Ong . On it boss. Salutes

i love playing around with the concept that they have two faces: phantom bleu and their secret identity (who i just call roquefort). we know that phantom bleu is all an act because 1) i mean it makes sense nobody can just Live like that 24/7 but MRE IMPROTTNTLU 2) we see little bits and pieces of them through their little Urk! s and the time where waljut is like HEY REVEAL YOUR TRUE IDENTITY like Girl. tthe little hints to their lore and. Oua

none of this is confirmed its more just my fanon interpretation of them but Girl they are so fucked up . I have a whole timeline built for them of like how phantom bleu came to be and stuff but i dont wanna talk about it here because i wanna turn it into a comic/animation and let people theorize before i talk abt it HZBZKSB BUT LIKE. Girl. Theyve always had shit self confidence (probably their shitty parents are to blame for that) but after phantom bleu came along it got so much worse. probably the only reason why theyre Actually in a decent state of physical health is because they need to be able to do their heists . cause otherwise theyd probably neglect themself (either because they dont want to care for themself or they forget to do things). theyve put phantom bleu on such a pedestal, the only way that people will actually love them, that they think their own life is Meaningless

like. god. This fake character theyve created, this one big play theyve put on, people actually love them for it. and girl theyre dying to have that attention. as time passes they love roguefort cookie more and more, at the same time despising themself. what good are they? theyre useless. they take up space in their cousin cheesecakes mansion. they dont even pay rent (well not through actual money) they just take up space. they dont have an actual job. they dont have friends, cheesecake is their only real family (their other family being a grumpy cat and a sentient cape L)

they hate themself soo much its insane . they avoid getting too close to people for the pure reason that if someone finds out what theyre really like then everything is over. the mystery is all gone, theyre revealed to be a lazy good for nothing waste of space whos only good at playing pretend and watching lala land. thats what scares them the most, out of everything else. thats what keeps them up at night. so they close themself off ! avoid giving out personal information, hide every emotion with a mischievous smirk.

during phantom raven theyre at their highest (and at the same time close to their lowest.) they love roguefort cookie because everyone else loves them, and hating roquefort because nobody loves them. and then eventually realize . this is not love! nobody really loves them. theyre getting attention for the character they play, and that will never change. theyll forever be a nobody, recognized only for their talent, never for who they are.

then after their watch is auctioned off, they snap. they cant crawl out of this hole theyve dug, but maybe if they dig deeper theyll reach the other side? their only goal is to turn back time, back to before their family died, so maybe they can please them this time and theyll have someone to love them (Their parents are assholes btw theyll nevr be satisfied with roque)

roquefort is a puppet. theyve created a monster thats come to life, and its taken over their body. they could stop at any time, of course, but that means theyd be losing their only source of attention. so they keep doing it, even if it feels more like a chore at this point because They just dont know what else to do theyve lost control and phantom bleu is too big of a name to stop now

but i give them a happy ending in my fanon becquse i would Cry every time i think about them otherwise HZVZKHWF

#rambles of madness

[zx-yourmother-xz]

hyperspecific moderatelyselfish rant for ME. please scroll away unless you want to cringe. bullying allowed

after a while you learn to stop looking forward to your mid-winter birthday. everyones busy for fucking christmas because its apparwntly been christmas for the last two months and a half. thatd be okay. theyve got plans already or something. we cqn do something else. but you're already feeling bad.it's bad enough that literqlly two of your twenty-ish friends show up . 95% of them don't even message you. if you werw doing even slightly worse than you were now you'd recede back into a state of depression. youd go apeshit and assume that your friends hate your guts . youd cut yourself off from the outside world if you could but you CANT you have a future to plan for. so you get back to it and eventually you forget it even happenwd and thinking about it again really is pointless becausw you know ot just makes you feel bad but every now and then you entertain the thought that everyone born in the late winter hates their birthday. or maybe its because of you being jewish amd never caring about christmas or maybe because you dont really know how to socialize or you're overestimating the number of friends you have. or maybe its your personality. maybe they dont like you maybe you come on too strong or. you hide parts of yourself when theyre just learning about you and THATS the part theg like. and then they learn more about you and you open up and get weird and then they get sick and tired of you. maybe you should recede into your middle school persona where you were quiet and well-behaved and normal and ""shy"" and only celebrate your birthday at home where nobody else can acknowledge that it happened. maybe youve known them 6 years but you dont know any of their favorite colors or anything. maybe its nobodies fault and youre overreacting but SURELY they would message you. they wouldnt forget your birthday. you wouldnt walk up to one of your closest friends and go "whats my birthday" and theyd blank and then you ask them "whats rachels birthday" ans they answer perfectly in a second and a half and you and rachel share a birthday. you wouldnt be just a little bit pissed that this same friend had 18 people over, including you, for their late-winter birthday. you wouldnt have a friend who was available on the day cancel last-minute because they were afraid theyd get kidnapped. even though nonobody kidnaps groups of people and by canceling you aare making us more likely to get kidnapped. and last-minute was 8 minutes before midnight and the first message that was sent to you on the date of your birthday was "i'm sorry but i just won't go" and also this is your closest friend who is in your school that also misgendered you and then called you weak just a few minutes earlier. and rhat friend has a late-summer birthday rhat 5 people showed up to and messaged her about. the whole idea of a birthday has never sat right with you. why do you deserve a celebration for living. you live every day and nobody carws. if you walk around and it's your birthday and you'reacting proud and walking tall nobody assumes its your birthday they just assume you're an asshole. you wonder wbat would be different if you were born in the spring. when everyones forced to be at school so you know that's where they are and they cant make up excuses to get out of it. it's not your fault. it's theirs. selfish assholes. they don't care about you. they never did. they can't bother to send you a two-word message. or maybe they didn't send it on purpose because you're an awful person. it's not their fault. it's yours. stop antagonizing them and victimizing yourseld you fucking baby. is this really all about your birthday? nobody fucking cares. youre overreacting. you'll hsve 80 more. calm down. if you say you never saw the point of them, why are you making such a big deal? is it because you're a terrible person? or becausw you only said you didn't care about birthdays to make up for the fact that you're sore that nobody cared about yours? should this post have stayed in drafts? definitely. do we need to have a talk about oversharing on the internwt? attention seeker

#rant #WORLD'S STUPIDEST RANT #its like a poem that tries to have too many themes #whatever who cares

[thisdreamplace]

ashamed to say the 3D reflects our true inner reality, yes? my ENTIRE family has turned against me, after some atrocious conflicts in which they all ganged up on me nd judged me, name-calling, very hurtful things too, provoked me. i been dealing with some serious mental uh 'issues' on my own nd when this happend i was already on the verge of a breakdown nd the good news is while the conflict happened i kept telling myself theyre only reflecting me u can get thru it etc. Later i looked at the hard facts nd realised some of the hurtful things they said were my deep secret feelings abt myself. BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people? confronting one person vs whole family, why?! i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?

Part 2 is simply its been a week and theyve still been cold towards me as if I yelled AT THEM ABT THEIR PAINFUL 'tRuThS' in front of EVERYONE LMAOOO. At first if i was around we'd have dinner together while they'd all talk to each other like best friends aka sickeningly overly friendly while completely IGNORING me while i sat there. i could tolerate it. I WAS PISSED AT THEM TOO Now its too painful. They're having dinner without telling me, yesterday didnt leave enough food for me knowing i hadnt eaten, serve tea/snacks without my portion. i honestly feel so unspeakably trigered nd sad. worst is these things r reminding me of deep school memories when id feel excluded like this by other kids at parties or class activities nd its like im back there. anyway im glad i controled myself a bit nd didnt counter with horrid things abt them to THEM yet they think they can say the same to me. im so hurt rn i cant even tell u lol i was okay the whole week but now its too much,, ive been crying the whole day

thing is, ik this seems like 'im a victim oh noooo they ganged up on meee'. Nope its more like how do i change myself to change them?! u could say why not talk to them how they made u feel, except whenever ive defended myself in the past regarding hurtful things they/anyone in family did, the siblings/parents would say irritating things like: "oh so YOU'RE the one hurt? Oh thats right, its because YOU'RE right! yes, yes, you're always right. Forgive me for saying anything against the perfect person u are." Or one of them says: "You?! I hurt YOU? What about me? You don't care about me! So you think what ur doing is okay?" or "no, who do YOU think u are to tell ME what to do?" it just goes in circles like this! i dont deserve to hurt myself or do smth to myself even if they dont give a damn, even if years of silent suffering of the 'mEntAL pRoBlEms' (which my lovely parents have already told me is my fault years ago, hence why I NEVER show it to them, unless im crying too much then lol they just mock me, but idc abt THAT bcoz now ik i hav a right to let out my emotions)). i mean this is worse rjan usual. its kinda insane nd when guests come they start talking to me as if nothing's wrong then when they leave, they ignore me!

this whole twisted dynamics, feelijf left out nd helpless is ig some crazy assumptin from childhood of being alone nd unable to defend myself. plus when they argye with anyone, they become overly self-righteous nd over the years its clear they can only scream, blame the scapegoat and never talk abt serious matter like normal ppl. And yes, in the past when i bring this up, they like to reply with stuff like: "no YOU'RE the one who doesnt talk to US bla bla" like, when i do u just shut me down? have belittled my mental 'issues', mocked me when im at my worst, stabbed me with cruel silent treatments nd thinking its alright "bcoz of self-righteousness blegh". Or maybe i think its okay for them to punish me? or whatev? Like law says u get what u r. if these ~~~ keep doing this to me, im doubly ashamed to say this means im the one at fault?! i let this monster assunptin grow nd now idk what to do. the worst thing imo is how i failed to tell them,even if they ignored me in the past, how i feel when anything like this or a conflict happens nd none of them stand up for me, or at least are neutral to me. bcoz now if i do, they say nope, u dont care what we do, YOUR the shameless one :! so yeah they hav the advantage of 'numbwrs' while im too afraid to stand up for myself lol. btw they never apologize nd i suspect they expect ME to apologize to TYEM bcoz everything's already ruined bcoz of 'me'..... i give up on them, i really do, but my heart hurts. Either i harden my heart, nd save up to move out, OR i try to change my self or whatev assumptins i have. But how do i do that? i try afirming: "my familys so nice to me, im respected by them" but it feels so fake tears literally enter my eyes lol

firstly i want to say, thank you for coming here to vent and being open about your feelings. it’s so important sometimes to just let it all out, without holding back. so that way you can move forward more bravely, to create the life you truly want to experience. that being said, i am going to be completely honest with you here in hopes that perhaps it may inspire you and you will be ready to do what is needed for the life you truly want to experience.

“BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people?” -> “i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?” here is your question, and here is your answer. i think that being completely honest when venting your feelings can actually be so helpful, because if you read back what you have said, you will be able to clearly find the patterns that are creating your personal hell. FEELING IS THE SECRET. ASSUMPTIONS HARDEN INTO FACT. the true way you feel, becomes your experience. Feelings/assumptions/beliefs come first, and the experiences come second to confirm them. That’s all that’s happening here.

i am glad that you were able to keep your reactions to a minimum! that's wonderful and as many of us know, it can sometimes be hard to do in such hurtful circumstances. but you managed to do it, this shows just a small glimpse of the power you truly hold within. although emotionally you may feel out of control, there is still the choice to choose better for yourself which you demonstrated through your reaction to them. good for you!

the truth is, you acknowledge the victim mindset to seem like you’re not engulfed in it, but no, you’re still very clearly engulfed in it. as i have said before, you can’t be a VICTOR and feel bad about it. feeling bad about taking responsibility, about everyone is you pushed out, about any of these types of concepts automatically shows a victim mindset. talking to them won’t do anything, because there are no second causes. you could talk to them nicely, you could be the nicest person in the world. but you can’t pretend your way out of your inner world. your inner world is the one and only cause of your experiences. until you change the story you tell yourself, they will stay the same. this is a hard pill to swallow sometimes. and it can feel heavily, because it’s ultimately only you’re choice. they can’t change until you do. the heaviness of the situation may make it seem impossible to turn around, but that’s just an illusion. your emotional attachment to the situation makes it seem so real and hard to change, but no. that’s just an illusion too. however, it’s ultimately your choice. Do you want to take responsibility for your life, or do you want to keep being tossed around like your lost at sea, victim to the merciless angry waves? Because we always have a choice. No one chooses your inner world, you do. No one can go into your mind and decide things for you, that’s only your job.

you can harden your heart, but who would be the one who suffers more? It won’t be your family, i can assure you. it’ll only be you. by doing that, you keep that old story alive and therefore you keep experiencing it. you keep those stories alive that are desperately showing themselves to you, saying “LET US GO.” but you remain identified with those painful stories, so you grip onto them tight. you keep on thinking of possible reasons for their behavior, but you could just read your entire ask back to yourself and you’ll see every reason. your reactions, your beliefs about them, your emotional pain. its your refusal to let those things go, and focus on what you truly want that keeps you in this state and keeps them in this state. sure it’s painful to face the responsibility at first, but it’s not a blame game. thinking its about blame is just a misunderstanding of the teachings. it’s not about they’re so perfect and you’re so not, so you have to change your ways. it’s about this is how life works here. this is about... you can ONLY ever experience self. whatever is going on within, will be reflected in your outer world. it’s about how they can’t change, UNTIL YOU DO. so instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you have to decide to give yourself the gift of a wonderful life because you have that power too. you stop deciding they can be in control of your experience, and you decide your experience yourself.

to change your assumptions, stop trying to affirm over them and actually face what’s keeping you from believing in your desires. yeah, it’s going to be painful and uncomfortable. but you need to face the pain that you’re running away from, so that it can finally be released. you have to realize, it only stayed true because you believed it to be true. and if you are to live a life free from that story, and experience a more desirable story, then you must let the pain go. give yourself love and grace as you work through it, and know that there is a more beautiful side of life that awaits for you to accept it in.

No One To Change But Self

There is Nothing to Forgive

How to Sit with Your Triggers

give yourself the time you need, it's not race. the love that you wish to experience exists, allow it in. 💖

#eiypo

[heyitsyn]

Keeping Up With Seijoh Ep. 3

a/n: uwuwuwuwu this is an au since yanno,,,, they didnt really make it to nationals :(

for more seijoh content, check this masterlist out!

GUESS WHOS BACK! BACK AGAIN!

anon:

may i request a scenario where seijoh made it to nationals and atsumu flirts with reader🥺

CAN WE BLS STOP THIS SANGWOO/ATSUMU TYPA BEAT BC I HONESTLY DONT VIBE W IT AND IT LOWKEY SCARES ME A LITTLE :o

OMLOMLOML YALL MADE IT TO NATIONALS

to be honest, it was,,, unexpected

you were sitting there, on the bench and gripping it in anticipation as seijoh and shiratorizawa were once again at a match point thanks to kyotani’s angry spike

going past 31, they were now 31-30 with seijoh in the lead

you could tell ushijima was getting antsy despite him covering it up and encouraging his team with a one-liner

your own team was buzzing with both nervousness and hope and iwaizumi was clenching and unclenching his fists in anticipation for the last toss

when the ball went up, oikawa’s eyes flashed, arms moving to set and the red-haired spiky guy was now watching which spiker he was going to give it to

however

he tossed it to no one

instead, oikawa’s hand flicked and he dumped the ball

it was like in slow motion and as shiratorizawa’s players scrambled to the floor, 

it was too late

the ball bounced on yellow polished floor before rolling away, completely unaware of what just happened and the lives it just changed

your mouth hung open, eyes trailing after the rubber ball like every single people in the gym

then it finally hit you

‘YOOOOOOOOSSSSHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’

a scream from iwaizumi lit the candle of happiness and you didnt even care, running out to the court to jump on your captain, tears flowing down his face and his arms squeezing you tightly against his chest

‘AKLDFJJSHKFEOIOWIHFSKESIFOEWIHE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’

it was all a jumbled noise from everyone, your team, your coaches, the fans in the stand, and even from that orange boy and his team

the boys were hugging each other and crying and sobbing but oikawa’s hold remained on you, your own tears mixing with his sweat and coating his neck

‘you did it, oikawa-san. you did it’

you whimpered and he laughed and you felt him nodding

‘we’re going to tokyo. nationals!’

he choked out 

‘OIKAWA!’

the entire gym rumbled and you basked in the joy that the entire team radiated before having to stand with the coaches so they could shake hands with shiratorizawa for a good game

the locker room was loud, even much louder than the gym, with kindaichi’s loud sobbing and mattsuhana’s loud celebratory singing and iwaizumi’s joking shouts and eventually joining in

iwaizumi held his arms out for you and you giggled, crashing straight into him

you wiped his sweat filled face and he sat down on the bench, with you standing between his legs and his large hands gripping your waist

‘it’s not a dream, right?’

he whispered, eyes closed at the gentle feeling of you caressing his face

‘no, iwa-san. nationals is ours’

you soothed and he let out another loud laugh before pulling you close and burying his face in your stomach, probably crying again but this time, out of joy

for years theyve tried

and now, they succeeded

well,,, nationals should be a good thing, right?

hmm,,, maybe the honor of going

but the other players??

oh god

it was obvious when miyagi’s representative entered through those doors and eyes immediately went to their manager

it wasnt like you were the only female manager but you were an unfamiliar team so you have never been seen before

uwu youre so pretty like bow down to the goddess

oikawa’s hold on your hand was tight and his eyes flitted to everyone who looked at them, as if signalling them to back off and you were his

‘wahh, oikawa-san! kageyama told me that the best of the best are in here! he told me to look for fukurodani and nekoma!’

seijoh’s eye twitched at the mention of your new-found friend who you’ve been texting back and forth and him secretly teaching you everything about volleyball since your own team has been too busy preparing for nationals

they watched you try and stand in your tippy toes to find the apparent red and black jerseys and the black, white and gold jerseys

hmm,,,, it seems everyone had the same colors

‘ne, y/n-chan, you trust our team, don’t you? if anything, we’re part of the best of the best! you got the best setter right here!’

oikawa grinned but you nodded distractedly

‘come on, we got to go unpack and train’

iwaizumi nudged so you had to stop looking and you followed your captain, who still held your hand

but this is a typical fanfiction ladies and gents

as you were walking towards the locker room, there was a team that wore maroon colored jackets and were walking towards you

again, this is seijoh’s very first nationals so nobody really knew of them

they were more familiar of the white and purple jackets of shiratorizawa rather than the mint green and white of seijoh

however, oikawa seemed to know them

‘ah’

he whispered out, making you look up at him but his sights were straight towards them, a hard and cold look

‘ara? fresh blood?’

you cringed at the weird analogy and the guy with the black tips, who you infered to be the captain, elbowed him

 ‘excuse us’

he nodded in greeting and you noticed the guy with the bleach hair and you did a double-take, blinking rapidly

‘oh sangwoo?’

KSLDFJKDLFJSLDK KILL ME ALREADY

watari coughed, knowing exactly what you meant and it seems nobody else did except for the sangwoo look-a-like

and he raised an eyebrow in interest

‘hm? you called?’

another guy with gray hair, who looked exactly like him, rolled his eyes and he pulled him forward to walk after their captain

but he didnt let off yet

as he passed you by, he leaned close, breath fanning your ear

‘but its miya atsumu, baby girl’

ON GOD I WANT TO COMMIT WITH HOW GROSS HE IS LIKE BLS

kyo, who was behind you, growled at him and pulled you behind himself

‘she has name, fcker’

atsumu faked a surprise and backed away with his hands up

‘alrighty, then. didnt know you had a bodyguard, girlie. but maybe,, later on, we could get to know each other. alone’

YALL THIS IS GOING TO GET BETTER LATER I PROMISE HES NOT A WEIRDO PERVERT AS HE SOUNDS

osamu was annoyed and dragged him away, leaving you with your team, who were also extremely pissed off, especially oikawa

‘heh, the best setter in the country and yet he acts like a horny dog’

oikawa seethed, a pointy smile etched on his face

‘eh? best setter?’

you wondered but not given an answer because your captain would be damned if that atsumu decided to show up again

the locker room was actually the same back home

but kindaichi was sobbing again

‘t-this room! the best of the best! i cant-too much-’

you were busy hugging him and wiping his tears to notice the third years huddling over by the corner

oikawa was sitting on the bench while iwaizumi was changing into his practice jersey and the other two were flanked beside the captain

‘of course theyve got their eye on her now’

oikawa mumbled, fingers laced together and touching his lips

‘what can you expect? y/n-chan is an extremely pretty girl’

mattsun shrugged

‘but ugh, if i see that cheese face again,, i will fight’

iwa threatened, angrily slipping his arms through the holes

‘he reeked nasty! gross!’

makki agreed

‘so we’re agreeing to keep her in our sights right?’

they agreed to oikawa’s question and were going to stick by that word

but,,,,

what can you expect from star-struck players?

maybe its because theyve worked for so long to reach this point that the fact that they’re even standing in the tokyo stadium felt like a dream

‘guys, i need to go and fill the bottles really quick’

they mumbled distracted agreements so you sighed and lugged the crate of bottles

thank god there was a fountain nearby and as you were capping the last one, a familiar voice rang from behind you

‘oh? baby girl?’

you flinched at the weird nickname and thought that if you stayed quiet, hed leave

‘chibi? hey?’

he asked and made his way to your side, you closing your eyes and looking off to the side

atsumu thought you were interesting, not like every girl who would spread their legs at him and press up to him

the fact that you even AVOIDED looking at him was so foreign to him and your dismissive attitude made him so drawn to you

‘look, im sorry if i made ya uncomfortable earlier’

he,,, apologized?

but you didnt know who he was so you didnt know how out of character it was for him to even say ‘sorry’

'miya-san, hello’

you mumbled, eyes now opened but still focused on the bottle you gripped

he cracked a smile and was he,,,, nervous?

usually, hed say something dumb or sarcastic to cut the tension, but it was like he was even,,, careful,,, with what he wanted to say next

‘how-um-you like it ‘ere?’

if osamu was to see him now, he’d think his brother was kidnapped by those aliens oikawa swore up and down were real and was replaced by some opposite dimension version of atsumu

you gulped, mustering up a small smile before turning to look at him

‘miya-san, dont take offense to this, but just know i have a very loud voice and i can lift 80 pounds. and im the first one to ever beat iwa-san in an arm-wrestling match’

you puffed your cheeks in intimidation with your eyebrows furrowed but accidentally looking more cute rather than scary

were you,,, threatening him?

atsumu paused for a second to assess the situation and really understand the underlying meaning of your words

then he laughed

a real hearty laugh that made him go for a whole minute

‘-ahahaha!! whew, chibi-chan, ya’r a rare one’

wait i dont know how to type you’re with an accent !!!!!

he let out a few more chuckles then wiped a tear that fell

you just stood there 🧍‍♀️ 

‘you think its funny, miya-san? yahaba-kun and i also have a supernatural telepathy phenomenon-’

‘chibi-chan, i swear i wont hurt ya’

he promised but you backed your face away, an eyebrow raised

‘thats what they all say. if anything, youre scaring me more so i’ll-’

‘wait’

he held out a hand out but he quickly curled it, pulling it back to his chest

‘i,,,, listen i know how basic this may sound but,,,, youre the first to ever be like this to me’

you rolled your eyes

‘you think i havent heard that before? i have oikawa-san in my team, for god’s sake! ‘youre one of a kind’ ‘youre not like other girls’ yadda yadda’ try harder, miya-san’

you tilted your head with a crooked smile 

were you,,, playing hard to get?!

atsumu’s eyes shined, wanting to finally do the chasing rather than being chased

‘well, first off, chibi-chan, i need to know your name’

he leaned forward with his hands buried deep inside his maroon jacket pocket

‘my name? what good will that do? you already call me something else dont you? a name is meant to help people call each other and youve been calling me ‘chibi’ so what’s the point of giving you my birth name?’

even with a straight face, atsumu right away knew of your teasing as your eyes were shining brightly and had a hint of amusement in them

oh my god hes in love with you

he was in disbelief of your attitude towards him so he nodded slowly and laughed again

‘what can i do to earn that name then, chibi-chan?’

ehehehe kuroo,,,,, im in danger

you crossed your arms and pouted, leaning forward

‘ehh? why do you want it so bad? do you call others ‘chibi’ too?’

your expression of suspicion was so adorable that he couldnt stop himself from lunging forward and squeezing your cheeks between his fingers

‘so cute. youre my only chibi, chibi-chan’

you hummed, swiftly wiping his touch away from you

‘doubt it. ive only met you today and you’re already acting like this. what makes you think i think youre genuinely interested in me, miya-san?’

‘fate?’

this time, you chuckled, head leaning down

and as you looked back up, your heart stopped

by the distance, there was a familiar-looking haired boy with golden eyes and an also familiar black hair and steel blue eyes

oh dear

your emotions went sour but you saw the black and white-haired male laugh and the steel eyed male shake his head in disapproval but had the hint of the smallest smile

they,, were now happy

‘fate, you say’

you mumbled distractedly

‘fate instilled magnets in us so i just cant help but be drawn to ya’

atsumu grinned but you averted your eyes to look at him, a soft and genuinely happy look

‘would those magnets be strong enough to draw us together, even if we were in another life? if we were fated, would we meet again?’

you looked up at him, your eyes still glistening but this time, with the slightest bit of hope

atsumu sent you a confused glance but he still shrugged

‘i guess so, if i’m so drawn to you right now. maybe in our past life we were,,, together?’

he tested out, expecting you to roll your eyes and walk away but you laughed

‘well, i just witnessed it happening so maybe its possible?’

you wondered out loud

atsumu blinked again, getting more and more interested in you

‘chibi-chan?’

he asked you and you jumped slightly to look at him with a smile

‘say, miya-san, what if i told you that i remember my past life? and what would you say if i told you that you were in it?’

you grinned but atsumu scrunched his face together before smiling

‘hmm, i dont know what youre sayin but it proves my point!’

he exclaimed but you cocked an eyebrow, a sad smile resting on your lips

‘now what would you say if i told you that you were my nurse?’

a/n: omg i actually hate how this turned out like bls blast me on this

a/n pt 2: during my break, i actually re-read ‘in another life’ and i wrote this up after i finished it again and can i just say? I WILL NEVER SHUT UP ABOUT THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CREDITS TO LITTLELUXRAY ON AO3

a/n pt 3: hewwo im back again and since no one replied with a link, i can,,, guess??,,, that the book is gone??? or taken down?? but anyways, i just really wanted to post something and tbh, stuff like this cant be helped but i really do hope that it’s gone and if its not, dkasjdfkslf again send me the link

#haikyuu!! #haikyuu #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu!! imagines #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!! x reader #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu!! headcanons #aoba johsai #aoba johsai x reader #aoba josai x reader #aoba josai #seijoh #aoba johsai imagines #aoba josai imagines #seijoh imagines #seijoh manager #haikyuu manager #haikyuu!! manager #aoba johsai manager #aoba josai manager #seijoh x reader #aoba johsai headcanons #aoba josai headcanons #seijoh headcanons #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu!! fluff #aoba johsai fluff #aoba josai fluff #seijoh fluff

[spiribia]

hi! (different anon) can you talk a bit abt what was happening in the flashback with young anthy & akio/dios? i feel like a lot is going over my head in that scene. i know in the movie its said that she used her magic to turn akio into a prince but after he magic ran out he went back to how he was before, is that also true in the series?

i can’t speak for the movie but in the series dios is dying because he cant keep up with the impossible demands of the prince role. he cant keep up because hes human, and it’s the standards for the prince that are unfair and unattainable, but he’ll still internalize this as a kind of personal weakness and inadequacy on his end. because he is too busy dying to respond to the requests to protect people’s daughters (and he wants to get up and act on them, but anthy is begging him to stop) an angry mob is headed over to his house with swords and torches - the original target of the swords of hatred is /him/, for his failure to live up to those gendered expectations and the pedestal theyve put him on. they don’t even know anthy exists. this is an early note of erasure - they all know the prince, but they dont know he has a sister. 

to stop them, anthy exits the barn and stands between the mob and the door. she tells them that dios belongs to her alone and that she’s sealed him away where no one can ever touch him again. there’s no magic involved here - she’s just a kid and she’s standing in front of a door. but this is an overturning of the current societal idea that all girls are helpless princesses who are saved by the prince. she’s not only presenting herself, a girl, as not helpless and complacent but powerful and selfish, but also suggesting that their infallible prince is fallible and could be foiled by this girl. she’s also presenting a direct disruption in the only way they know things to work - they can only conceive of society as one where the prince saves the princesses, and if he doesnt, if society doesnt happen that way, they must be doomed. she interrupts how their system works and / or reveals a hole in the system itself that they dont want to see, so they call her a witch and stab her with the swords of hatred. and dios, who becomes akio, takes that internalized feeling of inadequacy that he can’t be a prince and shifts some of the blame of it on anthy, that she took away the perception of him as this infallible prince in his former glory and therefore took his power away from him. thats just my take on it! she is also, as the witch, much more powerful than him now - she has magic that he has to rely on. he mentions that without power youre doomed to rely to someone else - this bothers him and his ego. my personal thought on this is that magic is actually the ability to defy the laws of the world, which is a metaphor for the rigid structure of society, which is why the idea of witch is so strongly condemned in their society.

i know i just said i cant speak for the movie but if i were to guess i think the situation there is probably more about anthy creating an illusory akio / prince even after he is dead - thats how much of a grip this whole structure has on her internally. 

#anon

[feelitstillmp3]

i was going to dump this into @time-and-space​‘s inbox, but then it spiraled out of control and became super long. so im making it into a post. heres some thinking abt doctor who/torchwood/class/merlin parallels ! (specifically abt the parallels between tenrose/janto/charlie x matteusz/merthur) (keep in mind that my knowledge on merlin is not so good) (also feel free to correct me if im wrong or add anything on) (also this contains spoilers for ... all the shows. pls watch them, theyre good)

ive been thinking about the whole theme between charlie and matteusz where theyre like ?? scared to lose each other ?? and how it totally parallels to the other things like .... we have one character whos different and immortal and alien (not to mention the trauma they've been through-), but another who is supposedly "normal" and human. so, they work with it right ?

but then theres the ever-present danger of what they have to go through daily, and the fear that its going to leave them alone. i mean, they've already been left alone, but now that they've actually fallen in love, its different. its harder now.

consider the following lines:

"i think of it every day, and the only thing that stops me is you." (class, e6) 

"i take it all back, but not him!"(torchwood, s3e4) (theres probably a better quote but no think, head empty)

"i could save everyone, but lose you." (doctor who, uhhh idk but i swear the doctor said something like it at some point, pls correct me if im wrong)

and yes, theyve felt this before, the pain of their entire race being wiped out, no one left but them, and everyone seems to leave them in the end. but for one second, they stop and actually think they have a chance for a while. someone who might stay.

ALSO it works as like .... the normal person is scared of the other, scared of what they can do and how they are ....

consider the following lines:

"im afraid of who you are, of what you're capable of, of what you will do" (class e6)

"you like to think you're a hero, but you're the biggest monster of all." (s1e4)

"what about you, doctor? what the hell are you changing into?" (doctor who, s1e6)

the person who has been through so much is capable of doing so many things, and sometimes it scares the other one. but they witnessed genocide ! and theyre probably traumatized over it ! theyve probably done some terrible shit as a result of it ! both of them are so valid in being that way.

and another parallel i have just thought of, mentioned a lot already, but the recurring theme of killing off an entire race and how that affected the alien character ....

consider the following situations:

doctor who - the time war, in which the doctor participated, and eventually ended. // when 9 was planning to kill off the last of the daleks in the parting of ways, hesitating for a bit, knowing that it would end up destroying earth in the process, making them no better than what the daleks are

torchwood - jack's planet and how it got invaded, how his parents died as a result and why his brother did everything that happened in exit wounds. // ummm i think maybe how willingly jack was able to give the girl up to the fairies to save the human race, like hes seen what the fairies are capable of, hes seen what disasters mass murder can bring. he doesnt want to see it again. 

class - well, the shadowkin invasion, both on rhodia and when it happens on earth (both times) but also the invasion with the flowers ? // how much he really wants to just kill the shadowkin like ! he even mentioned it once ("i want to murder the shadowkin. every last one ...." e6) and he just wants to do it out of revenge. but “we shouldnt avenge genocide with genocide” (we're not going to talk abt how the only thing stopping him is that he would lose matteusz in the process)

but yeah ! theyve seen first hand what it like, and when prompted to do the same thing themselves, they end up hesitating, eventually choosing the other option instead. (well... except charlie. he does it once at least.) 

and finally, immortality. this ties in a lot w my first point abt losing the other person .....

doctor who - pretty easy to think about, the doctor has had so many companions over the years, and each time they end up leaving them. even after he meets rose, who wished to stay together forever ("how long are you gonna stay with me?" "forever.") but then she ends up leaving, the doctor is left to continue on for so much longer ..

torchwood - pretty same as above, jack never commits himself to a relationship, he knows everyone will leave him anyway. but then he meets ianto jones. and it all changes, he falls in love, which he said he would never do, and thats why he doesnt ever say "i love you," because once he says it then he cant deny it any longer. once he says it than he will have to admit that ianto, someone that he does love, is lost to him.

class - ok, charlie isnt technically immortal from what i know, but i am assuming he probably has a longer lifespan than humans (basing this off this line - "you want to know who would be the last one standing out of the five of us? i would." e6) so ! its mentioned a lot (and is the main theme, as i said earlier) that matteusz and charlie dont want to lose each other. i want to specifically point out the line “every day i think, please dont go where i cant follow.” (e8) because it just so implies that charlie is different. he can go places, live longer than matteusz ever can. 

going to add this onto the end here, but i just thought that actually merlin kinda fits into this too ! 

loss - the loss of his father, of his one childhood friend (will?), the knights of the round table (pretty sure a lot of them die too, correct me if im wrong) and even arthur who leaves in the end. everyone around him just seems to leave or turn bad 

fear - we all know merlin is powerful, right ? i mean i swear it says somewhere hes like ... the greatest sorcerer to ever live or smth. and yes, arthur doesnt technically fear him, but if we think about what would have happened if merlin revealed his magic earlier, when camelot was still under the rule of uther and arthur was still scared of ppl w magic .... idk abt this one ndjnsjd it works in my head okay

trauma - had to get some help from @a-confused-contradictory-mess​ here and she brought up some good points ! when he was younger, because of his magic, he never really fit in. his mother made him hide, because she feared what would happen if he found out. (i ... think?) imagine what that does to someone, having to hide something about yourself for so long.

immortality - after everyone leaves around him, theres kinda no escape. he has to live with it for all the years that his immortal life goes by. this ties in a lot w how jack and the doctor feel, with everyone around them making them left all alone. 

tldr: losing the one person they always thought would stay, one being scared of the other's power, the trauma affecting one of them, immortality and the price that comes w it are all some really good parallels between these ships/shows and genuinely kill me inside

#no good content only incoherent ramblings #none of this makes sense ! #i am fully aware #doctor who #torchwood #bbc class #merlin #yes theres probably only a few ppl out there who have watched all 4 shows but i am posting this anyway #it took me three hours #and for what #i am probably going to end up making a gifset of this .... we'll see

[babysizedfics]

Poor roman :( but that being said I am heka interested in 5

remus humiliates roman in front of jamal (but jamal is a sweetheart)

vote from this concept voting post!

TWs: swearing, emotional humiliation, arguing, remus is generally pretty mean in this - not "unsympathetic" but his behaviour is not ok, brief alcohol mention but it isnt a main feature

first some background info on remus and ro:

roman and remus' friend groups actually run parallel to each other by pure councidence in that theyre the same age and are both in the local queer scene

usually they only run into each other on nights out and avoid each other like the plague... until one of romans friends and one of remus' friends become a very serious couple and the friendship groups merge

remus tends to hang it over romans head whenever they argue or remus just feels like teasing him that he could so so easily spill romans secret littlespace to all his friends

and while roman claims to not care he also really doesnt want that to happen, especially the specific things remus threatens to reveal (namely him calling his cgs mommy and daddy, and his fear of the dark - which remus knows are romans biggest embarrassments)

and remus never USUALLY actually follows through on his threats, he loves to freak roman out but he doesnt mean to be intentionslly cruel.

but one night theyve had an argument recently and remus is out to hurt roman and finally follows through on his threat to reveal romans secrets. in front of jamal

((the actual incident below the cut))

all the friends are walking back from a night out, and remus hangs back from the group to talk to jamal. roman is just glaring at remus and not saying anything and holding jamals hand tightly. remus hasnt embarrassed him too bad so far, just asking jamal questions and referring to roman as his "baby brother" which is so annoying, but the thing is roman can tell hes building up to something

then suddenly remus smirks when he sees a completely pitch black side street thats theyre about to pass by, and he calls out to everyone "hey guys, there's a 24/7 mcdonalds through here and its a shortcut to the bus stop" and everyones like WOO mcdonalds and redirects to go down the side street

and romans heart pounds watching the friends all filter down the street without a second thought, theres no streetlights down there, theres light on the other side quite far away, but before that its SO DARK. and he freezes in place and jamal is tugged back by it and looks back at him. "babe, come on"

romans starting to feel shaky and he literally cant move his feet. his eyes flick between the street and remus' sadistic cocky smirk.

"whats wrong baby bro? you stuck or something?" remus leers with that stupid stupid smirk

and roman HATES him so so much

"ro, what's the matter?" jamal asks

"i- um," roman stutters, trying to keep his voice from shaking too much at the sight of his friends just having DISAPPEARED into the darkness - how are they okay with that?? "i- im not hungry"

"okay well i am, and remus said it was a shortcut anyway so-"

"i-i -- no i can't"

seraphina, romans best friend, looks back and notices whats happening and quickly jogs over (knowing roman is scared of the dark) "hey roma, it's okay we dont have to go down there" she soothes

jamal is supportive but he doesnt get it. he thinks roman is scared of criminals or smth. "i promise theres no one bad down there, hun. and i'll be right next to you the whole time, i'll protect you" and he smiles and tugs romans hand to pull him towards the side street

romans eyes quickly tear up and he panics and rambles "nononono dont please please i cant i cant" in a broken voice and plants his feet firmly on the ground, paralysed with fear

remus starts cackling "ohhhhh thats right~" as if he just remembered. "my baby brother's terrified of the dark, isn't he?"

"f*ck off, re" sera barks, standing between the twins, protective of roman

"wait, are you?" jamal asks sounding surprised. roman doesnt let himself look at him, too busy watching remus warily and knowing thats not all he has planned to embarrass roman

remus goes on, shouting out to jamal over sera's head "he's petrified!" he confirms sounding delighted. "yknow that massive blackout last summer? he cried like a baby. literally sobbing for his daddy patton to make it go away"

theres a brief silence because no, sera and jamal didnt expect remus to refer to patton as romans daddy - they both know roman calls him dad but this is a surprise.

and that one second of silence drags on for ages for roman, all he can hear is his heart pounding in his ears and remus' obnoxious laughter

he is shaking, frozen in shock rather than fear now. for all of remus' teasing threats at home, he didnt expect remus to actually do it. hes devastated and humiliated that remus told to his best friend and especially his BOYFRIEND of all ppl

and honestly he's not even thinking about the pitch black side street right now because the streetlights on the main road are blurred by tears welling in his eyes anyway

"why dont you just leave him alone!" sera hisses furiously after her mild shock

then jamal bounces back rlly stern to remus "yeah i already know about that! roman told me and it was HIS choice to tell me"

roman stares at him in disbelief but jamal is too busy staring daggers at remus to notice

remus looks suddenly offended and frowns. hes clearly hurt that the others dont think its funny "jeez youre both such bores. im just having some fun"

"youre demented if you think thats fun" seraphina growls and shoves remus away towards the sidestreet. remus rolls his eyes and runs ahead to join the others who are all oblivious to that coversation, howling with drunken laughter in the pitch black and jumping out and scaring each other

"f*cking prick" jamal calls after remus, seething

sera quickly throws a concerned look to roman "you okay?"

roman just swallows thickly and looks between seraphina and where he saw remus join the others in the pitch black. his stomach churns at the idea of remus telling more people. "i-is he gonna--"

"im on it" sera nods and starts turning around "i wont let him tell anyone else, roma, promise" then she runs ahead to keep an eye on remus and to give him and jamal some privacy

after a moment jamal turns back to roman looking so worried and holds his hands and asks very gently "babe, can you tell me how youre feeling?"

and roman is teary but he whispers "i - you stuck up for me"

jamal looks suddenly sad and cups romans cheek "of course i did"

"but you said i told you about it. i- i didnt tell you that i-" roman gulps after his voice wobbles "i didnt tell you about it"

and jamal smiles sadly and goes "i know babe... im sorry, i just didnt wanna give him any more power. it seemed like he's held that over you for a while"

suddenly the tears in romans eyes overspill and he doesnt really know why but he can't stop them

jama gasps a little "oh roman, its ok" and just pulls him into a tight hug

roman clings and sniffles, glad that he can hide his tears from his boyfriend even if it is in his neck.

and jamal just strokes his back and whispers "its ok baby, its ok" **

they talk about it quietly as they take the longer, well-lit route instead. roman admits he would never have told jamal abt his fear on his own - and the reason he's been avoiding staying overnight at jamals apartment is bc the one time he did he got so scared of the dark that he couldnt sleep and was just anxious all night but wouldnt wake jamal to tell him

after jamal finds out hes like baby why didnt u tell me its okay and comforts him about it not being embarrassing or childish. then:

"so you do actually want to stay at mine, its just because its so dark that you didnt?"

roman nods shyly "yeah... im sorry i know its a dumb fear i just-"

"its not dumb ro. i meant to say if it works for you, we could leave the hall light on and the door open. its not like i live with anyone who can walk in."

roman blinks "wait you - really? it wont make it hard for you to sleep?"

jamal smiles softly "no hun, honestly i could sleep anywhere. i fell asleep in the middle of the day in the staffroom just last month"

roman laughs, so so so relieved

"so... maybe next time you come over for dinner you could stay the night, yeah?" jamal says with a smile and a blush. he wraps his arm around romans waist and pulls him in, hip to hip

roman bites his lip and blushes. after a moment he suggests shyly "im free tonight..."

and jamal smiles so big, stops walking and puts his arm up to romans chest to stop him too then angles romans jaw down to kiss him

in the near future jamal promises to buy a plain nightlight and always leaves it on for roman when he stays overnight from then on

**side note: roman could never stand anyone calling him baby before because he felt infantilised at school becaus of his undiagnosed adhd. so he sees it as a derogatory name more than anything. but when jamal says it roman feels so warm and respected because he knows jamal would never mean it in that way. so jamal has "baby" rights basically

#swearing tw #little angst #long post #chaotic cousin remus #little/big concepts #asks #tumblebee the smol bean

[xiaophobic]

WAIT JSKDCBHN I DIDN'T SIGN MY LAST ASK HSHSHSHSH I FORGOT IM SORRY,,, but you are right my love, the one that asked for domestic genshin teams was none other than i, sunflower anon ;) ngl that wouldn't have made much sense without context so i'm glad you were able to figure it out also yes i agree with beth slander, anemo cube go brr

DON'T BE SORRY FOR GOING TOO LONG ! READING YOUR ANSWER WAS SO FUN AND YOUR TEAM IS SO CUTE HELP,,, ESP THE ONE WHERE ZHONGLI & SUCROSE WEAVE FLOWERS INTO EACH OTHERS HAIR THAT WAS ADORABLE 😭 now *rubs my grubby little hands together* brain rot sharing time

For context my main team consists of albedo, venti, xingqiu, and keqing and I’ve grown too attached to every single one of them that I have zero clue on who to switch out when wishing for eula

Venti <- this bitch is my platonic soulmate and we’d most likely beg to share rooms

I get the feeling that albedo and xingqiu would share one, bigggg room that they evenly halved. Dont ask why it just felt right, and albedo is more often in some spare room that he turned into a lab so xingqiu can invite whoever and let them crash in his room

Keqings the only one with a single room and i dont think shes mad about that because her room is,,, so full of paperworks,,, neat and orderly yes but pAPERWORKS-

Alr ive assigned rooms now so onto whatever happens inside *stretches fingers*

I’d say we’re pretty even in terms of whos responsible and whos not, so unless albedo becomes in charge of watching klee there shall be no fire to be committed

Its funny how we have a god and a nonbeliever under one roof, so i think keqing would be skeptical around venti. But of course, ventis playful nature and fun demeanor would likely win her over, so now she treats him like family as well

Though that said, she’d also find herself scolding both me and venti on our uhhhhh tendencies to be lazy HSHSHSH she fr tells me to stop procrastinating in game every five seconds, so imagine if she was put with mr wine aunt barsibado?

Cute friendship between albedo and xingqiu because theyve made a book together and two educational boys,,, the amount of braincells in one room is ridiculous

Remember when I said keqing was happy she had a single room? Its because of her rex lapis dolls. Neither venti nor xingqiu ever let her live that down.

In terms of cooking, venti and i are never allowed for our own good. Venti isnt a bad cook but hes definitely a chaotic one and i physically cant make pancakes if my life depended on it. Albedo is on cooking duty most of the time but if hes busy, xingqiu will do it (though he will throw out the carrots) because keqings often too busy

HAVE YOU SEEN THE DESCRIPTION OF ALBEDOS SPECIAL DISH?? ITS A WHOLE FANFICTION OMG

Venti making everyone flower crowns mmmmmmmmmm and specific types of flowers for each person... aw

Whenever xingqiu reads a new history book, sometimes venti will just go “LIES. THATS NOT WHAT WENT DOWN. PUT THAT BOOK AWAY AND ALLOW ME TO TELL YOU WHAT REALLY HAPPENED-”

Albedo and Keqing both staying up really late because of work and venti having to sing them songs so theyll sleep i am SOFT

A recurring theme I find in this team is that we all look like responsible upkept high society people but behind the locked doors youll find keqing trying to get venti to get tf up, xingqiu and i raving about some fanfic, and albedo making something explode in his lab on accident

Bonus because ive run out of ideas:

(keqing THIS IS A CANON VOICELINE) Sleep well... me? Uh... I still have a handful of things on my to-do list, but I'll call it a night once they are done.

(xingqiu) lady keqing… please, it's too late in the evening. Mr Kreideprinz, the new concoction, if you would.

(venti, putting down a frying pan) oh… so we’re using the potion tonight?

Okay so the quality of whatever this is isnt guaranteed and its 100% crack barely any soft HELP HSHSH but im typing this in the middle of science class so pls forgive me. I wonder how you feel when you get a super long ask in your inbox…? I hope you still dont mind ( ´^｀) have a nice day dearest!! I’ll sign off twice now so I wont forget next time KESHEJ -🌻 anon

BAE I LIKE DIDNT SEE THIS???? WAH IM SORRY FOR MY LATE RESPONSE,,

HELP YOU MFS ARE SO CHAOTIC??? THE BONUS LITERALLY HAS ME DYING WHY IS VENTI FULLY PREPARED TO KNOCK HER OUT WAGSH(<\%[^{*}

your team definitely has “burnt out gifted kid” vibes ABSHAHSHA BUT IN A GOOD WAY OF COURSE they’re just all doing their best to be their best (with the possible exception of venti, though i’d argue that around such composed characters he’d experience his own slight code switch)

i’ll give you one of my own personal headcanons and apply it to your team a bit since i feel like it fits!!

venti knows everyone he comes across, or at least can connect their face to someone he’s seen in the milleniums he’s lived — a relative or something. he’s the god of wind and freedom, so naturally he’s traveled to all nations in order to be free and see the world as he pleases.

given this, he knows everyone on your team. he can connect their faces to at least one of their distant relatives that he’s known before. that is, except for albedo, who was born of chalk. the first person in a while who he sees and knows nothing of, so he FREAKS THE FUCK OUT. he spends half of his time stressing over who he could possibly be the offspring of but ends up coming up short every time.

he falls under the impression that albedo just must be klee’s older brother who was just never mentioned, until klee confesses that they’re not related biologically. it remains the subject he loses his mind over at the bottom of each bottle.

ABAHSHAHSH I JUST LIKE THE IDEA OF VENTI BEING SECRETLY WATCHING OVER THEM ALL YKNOW? HE CARES MAN 💔

anyway, i’m sorry this was so late and i’m happy you shared with me, this was rlly a pleasure to read <33 i hope you’re doing well, and please remember to take care of yourself, sweetpea ⸜(*ˊᗜˋ*)⸝

#<🌻3 — anon !! #atlas.asks

[insomnihan]

han’s Entire Thoughts and Feelings on Dreamcatcher’s “Boca”

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

there are no read mores here so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

ALRIGHT SO-

THE SONG HAD THE F UCKING NERVE THE AUDACITY THE GUMPTION AND THE GALL TO BE AS BOMB AS IT IS literally the moment i heard that rain and thunder i was f cukity F CIKED the way that they just know how to work with more gentle verse parts and theN PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE WITH THE CHORUS ITSELF SPEAKING OF THE CHORUS ITS F UCKING CRAZY??????????? THAT????????? GODDAMN GUITAR????????????? OWNS MY ASS??????????? OH MY F UCKING GOD JUST THE WAY GAHYEON STARTS IT OFF TO EASE US INTO IT HMMMMMMMMMM- THE ABSOLUTE POWER IN DAMIS FIRST RAP........... SHES SICK™ FOR THAT!!!!!! ‘HOLD UP’ YEAH HOLD UP I WASNT READY DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!! THEN DAMIS AND GAHYEONS RAPS IN THE SECOND VERSE YOU CANT EXPECT TO BE OKAY AFTER THAT™ ARE YOU SERIOUS- just all of their voices............ the way theyre just so powerful and emotional and you can tell............. siyeon pls your high notes holy f uck-

WHAT IM SAYING Is this song was such a good follow up to scream like F UCK i literally ask after every comeback ‘will they top this’ and tHEN THEY DO

i was so boo boo the fool like i really thought since diamond and breaking out fell into the same genre that it wouldnt be intense like This im 🤡

SO I WILL BE USING THE COMEBACK SHOWCASE TO TALK ABOUT THE DANCE BC OH MY GOD- so they all said that this song was their hardest dance yet................. queens of dance I F UCJUNG SWEAR

FIRST OF ALL THE BEGINNING POSE IS EVERYTHING™

THE PART AFTER THAT WITH DAMI PULLING YOOHYEON INTO HER SINGING PART....................... i just like it a lot

HONESTLY DAMIS ENTIRE PART

YOOHYEONS PART BEFORE THE CHORUS

THE ACTUAL CHORUS

both the upside down triangle hand symbol AND then for ‘boca’ where they make their hands like a mouth................... Iconic™

GAHYEON WITH THE FLAGS?????????? HELLO????????

and then dami................................. i-

the flags............... sua and jiu and yoohyeon.......... Thinking A Lot™

this part with jius bridge lives rent free in my brain

sua sitting on the dancers shoulders and singing the most hard hitting lyrics in the song thats it thats the bullet point

just................. the WHOLE ENDING

shouldve really just put the entire damn video here but i already wrote it out

THEY NEVER PLAY AROUND WITH THE VISUALS EVER!!!!!!!!!!! THE COLORS ARE ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS AND VIBRANT THE SETS ARE SO DREAMLIKE???????? I WISH I CAN FULLY EXPLAIN IT BUT ALL I COULD REALLY DO IS DESCRIBE THEM AS THEY ARE- THE PINK SET THEY DANCE IN IS SO COOL TO ME THE PLACE WITH THE TREES AND GRASS AND THEYRE DANCING IN THE F UCKING WATER AND WHERE GAHYEON HURTED US WITH HER RAP AND WHEN THEYRE ALL JUST STANDING AROUND LIKE BEAUTIFUL PRINCESSES AND WHERE YOOHYEON SAT AMAZINGLY- AND WHERE SIYEON STANDS WITH ALL THE BUSTS WITH TAPE OVER THEIR MOUTHS THE SYMBOLISM™!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEN WHEREVER DAMI WAS IN GENERAL.................. [REST]

TIME TO SHOW WHICH SCENES I LIKED

THE WHOLE F UCKING THING MOVING ON-

T H E M

okay................................ everyone who follows me KNOWS that im just so whipped for all these women if i was a Brave Bicth™ id tell them they were all beautiful every day to their faces but if this is your first time seeing this CHAOTIC AS F UCK series of posts then-

LOOKATTHEMBEINGBEAUTIFULANDETHEREALPRINCESSESINONESCENETHENBADBITCHESINTHENEXTAREYOUKIDDINGMEICANTBELIEVETHEYREALLYOUTHERELOOKINGLIKETHIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JIU

BELLE????????????? BELLE IS THAT YOU???????????? why does Miss JiU over here just got to be one of the most beautiful women in the GODDAMN UNIVERSE I CANT STAND THIS LOOK AT THIS PICTURE!!!!!! i wont lie to yall but it was gonna be this one or the one kinda at the beginning where shes wearing red..................... and....................... her neck- THE RED IS FIRE BY THE WAY AND THE SAME OUTFIT BUT IN LIKE R.o.S.E BLUE WITH THE CHAIN STEP ON ME- and the black one that we dont really see a lot of.................. the sheer of it............ bicth-

SUA

yes it was absolutely necessary for me to use this shot

OFC MY BICTH ASS NEARLY FELL OFF HIS F CUKING BED WHEN SHE SHOWED UP IN THE TEASER JUST COVERED IN WATER I SWEAR I COULDNT BREATHE FOR LIKE TEN MINUTES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! first of all the red and blue ones just one sleeve and those shorts and all those belts I DUNNO JUST THIS WOMAN AND CROP TOPS OKAY IM LOSING IT IM THIS 👌 CLOSE and then the white dress i cant stand her i really cant-

SIYEON

HOOOOOOOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO MISS LEE SIYEON OUT FOR MY NECK I SEE- i just wanna point out first that i love her love for pants like the rest of the outfits are gonna be worn for performing and they all have those baggy pants she loves so much pls shes everything im 🥺🥺🥺 tho the braids and the high ponytail without and yknow what WITH BANGS TOO im........................ i cant stop staring at this picture-

YOOHYEON

SHE IS NOW A LARGE AND SCARY DOG-

this specific hairstyle in the screenshot........ the braids the safety pins with the brown and pink or whatever it was like three different colors just the Serve™ she is serving in that with that outfit and the back of her skirt is long than the front im weak in the knees for you maam- oH THAT F UCKING RED ONE GRABBED MY NECK NAILS INTO MY SKIN AND ALL AND ENDED ME HONESTLY and that chain necklace.......................... keeping words to myself-

DAMI

SHES SO HOT AND FOR WHAT my god this blue hair she is WORKING IT- i had such a difficult time even finding a good screenshot of her and i know the moment i just decided with this one that i was just gonna keep getting distracted by it and i am rn as i type this GOD- the all black outfit she shows up in the very first time in the mv..................... [REST] the blue one with the thing on her thigh with the low ponytail................. [REST x2] herself....................... [D*AD]

GAHYEON

POPULAR OPINION: THIS IS HER ERA

THE MOMENT SHE JUST SHOWS UP RIGHT AT THE START SHE GRABBED US BY THE NECKS AND LET US KNOW SHES KILLING IT LIKE THIS this pink hair is doing her like two million favors like the space bun look right here???????? STUNNING just left long and straight??????? BEAUTIFUL the fit with the beige(?) sweater and skirt and that black outfit during her rap verse the pink dress iM D*AD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BONUS TIME: B-SIDE TRACKS (short thoughts and parts i liked)

Intro

A SLAPPER WE LOVE TO HEAR IT-

Break the Wall

oH BICTH the way this song took me back to my edgy middle school years listening to music like this MY GOD THEIR VOICES SOUND SO COOL ON IT like they were using megaphones and s hit THE CHORUS IS SO GOOD IM GOING FERAL™ I FEEL LIKE I CAN CONQUER THE WORLD WITH THIS-

Can’t Get You Out Of My Mind

ALL ENGLISH SONG BICTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its all about the yearning its so catchy and good i was literally already singing it randomly right after the highlight medley like honestly this and break the wall are so nostalgic highkey- their pronunciation is so so SO good!!!!

Dear

JIUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😭😭😭 IM SO SOFT DONT LOOK AT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she wrote this herself and its just so full of love and thankfulness and gratefulness and appreciation for insomnias SOMEONE PROTECT HER- and then the rest of the members singing so gently and beautifully there are real tears in my eyes...............

LIKE im just gonna say it every comeback now i guess THEY👏NEVER👏DISAPPOINT👏EVER👏 i love being an insomnia so much yknow??? love them as people love them for always providing content and always showing that they love and appreciate their fans and how they always make me laugh and feel better and most importantly of all is THEIR MUSIC not implying anything with capitalizing and bolding that............... unless they are so incredibly talented and show how versatile they are in so many different genres AND THEYVE GROWN SO MUCH IN POPULARITY THIS YEAR AND ARE NOW BEATING THEIR OWN GOALS im so happy to be their fan 😊😊😊 this just became a paragraph of me and how much i love them ANYWAY-

IN CONCLUSION: WHERE IS THE LOVE?????????? ITS BEING DIRECTED AT THIS ALBUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and AS TRADITION:

#time to listen to this and the album until i cant hear s hit no more <3<3<3 #all i wanna do is watch the video but i must get Thoughts™ out #dreamcatcher #han.txt #han's mv afterthoughts

[genius11rare]

Chit Chat 111620   11-16-20

Chitchat 111620 with Jack Michael Jeremys Chair and the disembodied voice of alfredo (no he left after set up immediately , never heard him) id put “keep reading” if i knew how for this sorry

Jack: hi im jack with my friends michael and Spearow the dragon (jeremys not here , theres a spyro … pillow i think on his chair).. So we made the mistake of doing 2 minecrafts backtoback  and it ended like 20 minutes ago then like “oh yeah we have other stuff we need to set up before”… Michael:  yeah this isnt so much a chitchat it is just a chit not really time for a chat. Jack: how about we chit about recapping extralife?  It went really well thank you everyone who watched and contributed, trying to get chat up right now…. Cuz we got Chit trying to get the Chat as well… this is the 4th year in a row we raised over 1 million$ , and were having some auctions for charity. Up for auction: 3D printed gen lock heads , pictures of the Spooky Hour (Gen Notes i thought they were done with that?) , the jon risinger bob ross segment painting , some f*face hats , some wood and glass sculptures (jeremy comes back during around this) … and gratz to jeremy for urinating and coming back *on time*  Jeremy: hey my bathroom is a few steps from here… that whole time was spent peeing Oooohhhh better. Jack: michael , jeremy got anything to say about whats happened recently. Michael: no uh…. Just recovering… Jeremy: oh that was hard to watch michael. Jack: oh i have this picture i posted on twitter of fiona milking gavin…. Spraying milk into his eyes , sounds weird when i phrase it like that see if i can post it. Fiona somehow got both eyes in one shot , none in the mouth (the goal) just eyes. If you don't know the context it looks like hes spraying milk from his head like some kind of anime demon… then the paintballs happened…. Usually with paintballs theyve been going a while and theyve calmed down , that time it was new compressors and we JUST started using them for michael and gavin (Michael: “they” as in the paintballs themselves , theyve calmed down) yeah so that time they still had a lot of OOMPF and it was like getting kicked in the head over and over. Michael: no that's good , kick me in the head all you want. I went second just so i could tell how bad it hurt , so i knew where to hit gavin to make it hurt the most… immediately flipped on it like “he doesnt deserve this” and shot the face (which hurt the least) as much to spare him… i did do a few tummy shots but still. Jack: the crotch was also a good spot cuz of the cockblocker… problem is if you missed they go left or right into your thigh Michael: the thigh and stomach hurt the most … our thighs are black Jeremy: were also doing the vinyl  Jack: oh yeah we reached our goal and putting AH the musical on a vinyl , plus a new song with Fiona ive been working with her trying to get the tone and everything (Gen notes im gonna guess its there so Still in the Air isnt…) … Jeremy wanna say what you offered up? Jeremy: yeah were doing the AH rap version 2 (Gen notes either A. a version with the rest of  “The B Team” to have verses , or B. redoing it without HIM) , been working on a beat for it … ive written one verse mine so far (Gen notes , think its option B then) but i feel like its a little TOO mean so i may dial it back down a bit … the plan is shorter verses but more people , so hopefully Myself , michael gavin , Jack , Fiona , the twins , Matt , Lindsay and MAYBE a verse where the  support room jump in one bar at a time , still in the works. Jack: yeah you guys DEMOLISHED goals, chads daughter she is so sweet… she saved up chore money and wanted to donate it all of her own , she wasn't convinced to she just wanted to donate 20$ which just broke everyone - well chad and i , caiti held it together, so we asked the audience to match her 20$...  over the course of 10 minutes that 20$ became 65000$... we broke extralife we legit broke their intake of donations. We also had 2 people there who if we needed to hand something to someone wed give it to them , theyd “baptize” it as covid precaution then give it to whoever. Michael: except cloth they were like “you touch cloth you own it” … was like i could walk away with a lot of things right here , this towel? This towels done (Jack: you just going around grabbing curtains) … (start paraphrasing)  we always want extralife to be like the best show ever cuz its for a good cause , but then this year we were like “how would we even pull it off”... i don't think 2020 extralife couldve gone better given everything (end paraphrasing) “fave extralife 2020 moment” Jack: my thing… Chad James is a freaking beast and towards the end the last segment we did was called the sweet and sour hour where caiti would do something nice and chad would get punished … it ended up getting stacked so we started doing some at once. At one point Chad is on the pummelhorse which is an elastic band that hits you in the undercarriage , chelsea was there with a leg wax remover , then we had cody from code 4 which is our compliance officer with hand sanitizer. So Blaine pummelhorses chad , chelsea leg waxes him and then cody sprays him with the antiseptic (michael: in his eyes… Gen Notes i mean hes probably kidding but idk it seems possible) … chads on the pummelhorse weeping and Blaines ALREADY spinning the wheel. Michael: its funny , theres so much stuff that happened and not just the segments i was there for , but a simple delight getting chad to eat that whole pickle … he was just saying “i cant do it ill throw up” and i just kept repeating “youu can dooooo iit...”... gave me some enjoyment since i was there basically to get slapped around , but in between i made chad eat a pickle Jack: so jeremy you have a fave moment? I know you were there for the solo stream section - oh i forgot about DJ JAAWNK how could i that was a blast Jeremy: yeah i was listening to most of the solo streamer section , i know Kdin had a thing where she gathered a bunch of people to do among us and it was fun…. For a certain donation amount they would just launch john mace into space , theyd just call a meeting and get him… Matt joined me playing spyro and i had the Gold Chonky spyro mods on , and if people donated enough wed spin a wheel that me or him would have to do.. We had to spin it like 15 times , and alot of them were “have to hold the controller upsidedown” which is a monstrosity… and twice it was me put a blindfold on and matt would have to direct me through the level. I panicked A LOT cuz you could HEAR the enemies shooting at and coming at you   but i didn't know where … it was like a live Matt and Jeremy do something - your welcome sarah! (Michael: you did do something… Spearow… Spearowmint gum)  so first were doing SPiderman Miles Morales PS4 edition cuz i don't have a PS5! Everyones talking about how they're sold out so the most ive done was when i was shopping for ovens i was like “lemme peruse the playstation aisle” didn't see one and went guess im not getting one… Jack: are they even selling them in person or is it just online… Michael: i know game stop is selling them , they're sold out but i know they were selling them.... Think most stores waiting for black friday to get them in store… i want one but im not going to a store on black friday , ill play fall guys if i want to get trampled Jack: oh yeah someone mentioned the ChungeScwa heist is coming we reached that goal Michael: fiona said i could be there, i asked can i help and she said something like “plz help , cuz otherwise it wont happen.” ive also offered doing a 50 turn mario party even though it wasn't a goal cuz we didn't even do last years so now wed owe 2 for 2021 assuming we can make that happen. Jack: cant you do a 100 turn mario party is that a thing? Michael: no 50 is the most , ive contemplated maybe we combine them into one game and scores carry over but it might be upsetting if im ahead by 9 stars after 50 turns and then it just becomes a 4 hour victory lap so its probably better to do 2 of them… we were about to do one in april we were planning on shooting it in april but then SOMETHING came up idk what it was … it just kept coming up for 7 months… Jeremy: and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming… oh if were going to show my PS4 screen lemme show how much a  loser i am…. Jack: you got a platinum in bug snax?!?!? Jeremy: yuuuppppp!!!

#gen notes #for later #text #backed up #chit chat #AH #achievement hunter #jeremy dooley #ah jeremy #index #my post #november 2020 #idk what else to tag #keep reading #well would if could #chitchat

[jackalopefreckles]

I feel like Ive aged at least 6 years since covid started. Im angrier. Less adapted to being outside then I used to be- which is saying a lot. This time last year I was?? Actually healthier mentally then I had ever been and looking forward to having the house alone for a month which?? Was the most freedom I wouldve ever had.

A lots fucking changed. I drove halfway across the country- all 30 hours at once with my big brother AND two elderly dogs, plus my cat. All animals on too many drugs (the vet said they couldnt overdose, and then failed to give any further instruction) cami peed on herself twice, unable to move. I had to waterboard her in Phoenix, a truly terrifying hell city where all the roads are raised and overlapping and its a hot as shit cause its?? What june?? Time was so fake this year I mustve just been stoned the whole time till I ran out of weed, and since moving its been a relief to be able to turn off the spinning anxious thoughts for a few hours

my big brother joined us. He brought a new dog with him which?? Is always a lot, plus I have this pack of dogs now cause the puppy wouldnt leave the super cancer ridden dog alone, and Im able to get her cbd regularly here, so shes always comfortable now instead of just?? Sometimes which is a lot nicer. We didnt think shed make it to chrisrmas. I thought shed die with me home alone to take care of everything, like always. It was almost a relief, I wouldn't have to coach my brother through the grieving process at least, and I had already finished. Its hard now even, for me to realize she might even have another christmas (but I wont hold my breath)

I feel safer going outside here then I did in Austin. I only went out a handful of times in texas, for the last few months I was ordering almost all groceries, and only going to the store once mask mandates were mandatory (theyre not anymore. Im so worried for texas. I missed a huge freeze by mere months. I dont think my elderly dogs wouldnt survived it. If I was alone with them, Im not sure I woudlve.

My parents took my brother to mexico with them. I begged them not to go, told them how irresponsible it was to travel across boarders. To visit an island and take all the plane germs with. I told them that even if my mom and brother were staying at home all day with me, my dad was still going to work and he didnt know what his coworkers were doing. That they wouldn't know what the people on the plane were doing. That at any point they could become the stupid americans that killed half an islands population.

They left a week after today last year. The boarders were closed the next day. Their friend has been traveling back and forth ever since. I have no idea how, except for the fact shes white and rich and wont hesitate to destroy a child, so I can only imagine how shed treat costomer service.

I will no longer allow this angry aggressive woman to ever make me feel bad, and I will allow myself to finally fight back. Im an adult, maybe not all the time (cause lets be real I'll always be a bit too eccentric for most) but when I get angry and allow myself that anger, it's not a bad thing. Anger doesn't have to make me feel like Ive done something wrong. Im usually very just in my actions, and I wont allow my parents influence to tell me all anger is misdirected and hurtful for reasons I couldnt understand. Its okay for me to be angry.

I think being alone with animals for months is at least reassuring that my childhood was unreasonable if nothing else. Which of course is a silly polite society term for pretty fucked, if nothing else.

My aunt had to gall to say weve had a good 2020 cause our family wasnt hurt, and I had to walk away from the zoom call. I haven't attempted communication with any of them since, not that I normally do. Of course none of us died, all rich old white people, most of them retired and able to stay home all day (not that all of them did, I learned about my grandfathers routine and just.. Im honestly surprised no one got it yet. Of course I knew from the beginning if anyone was gonna get it and die, it probably wouldve been me. Hence the 8 months of solitude before the move.

Was the move in August?? Im so unsure about time. Even with 2020 vision.

I tried to date when I moved here. Strictly on tinder. What was the point? On and off testosterone due to the wonders of texas, hadnt changed my body nearly as much as they should've a year after being on them. I look much more handsome now. Im also allowing myself to toss gender aside completely. He/him doesn't mean man, and they/them dont mean nonbinary, so why not mix them since Im?? Not really either.

It wasnt even a thought process like that to start. Much more "this is nice" which I think more gender should be allowed to be. Dont gotta be deep just comfortable.

I wont ever allow my parents to forget what they did. I ended up with three dogs I didnt want (I was so looking forward to not having any dogs) and I ended up taking care of my brother. Again. Its easier without my parents at least. Everything always is. My dogs are even happier. Cami finally isnt anxious 24/7. Again, a sad reminder my childhood wasn't great. Daisy is healthier. Trauma can be stored emotionally or with health issues, often both. I think the cancer dog getting better and?? Surviving and thriving so much longer then the vet said (how good was my old vet?) Is another unfortunate nail in thay proverbial coffin.

Im not as soft and openly loving. Im even more touch starved somehow. Harsher. I still want to choose love and compassion, but Im not letting myself fall into the trap of being so nice people wont be nice to you. Fighting back is something I wont feel shameful about, because it never stopped me from doing it completely anyway.

I was already reaching this on my own though. This was just more coffins, more nails. This didnt need to happen. We know our government let this happen. Its still letting it happen. Im not sure when Im getting my vaccine. My big brothers sick of quarentine and keeps trying to get us to go out. Sometimes I yield, and we go to a park, or the top floor of the parking garage. I get a vegan hotdog from nearby. We talk and laugh and were genuinely just. Boys being boys.

I shouldn't have to deal with parent shit anymore. I do though, especially since two out of three are unemployed and we can really only afford to live here cause of them (they owe me if anything though. Especially with my brother and these animals) I hope I can get a job soon. Or maybe even go back to school. Im lucky I had so much saved up (for top surgery, which I guess wont happen before Im 25 like I really tried for. I wouldve done it before now, but texas waitlists and rules kept holding me up. I literally went to an appointment in dallas, a 4 hour drive, just to found out the surgeon canceled on me for the second time)

Its incredibly depressing, and I know Im lucky to have had that stash. So many people didnt have anything and lost so much. People lost people. Half a million at this point. I remember when it got to 300,000 and I just?? Felt so awful it was so close to how many people we lost to AIDS. Its over that by so many now. It doesn't really stop, does it??

Is that catholic guilt?? Or maybe just irish guilt in general. Is it something I inherited or earned through all the end of the worlds and once in a lifetime recessions Ive been through. Im not sure how many off the top of my head, theyve been coming since I was so small and its always more and more. Im not even catholic anymore. I cant stop being irish though, even though the brits tried (and succeeded. Weve lost a lot. The current royal cotastrophy is bullshit as well, the only person who deserves a royal title is from Meniappolos

My home is decorate all inside for st patrick's day. My big brother loves it so Im going all out, and its def making me feel much more irish then usual (which is a lot Im over half)

I think I just wanted to say Im not the same. I hope I can still be happy an obnoxious is public. I wonder if I remember how

#TIRED #happy covid anniversary #time to post this without reading it lmao #long post #rambles

[slutfordriver]

Time to talk about TROS

There will be spoilers in here for tros so if you don’t want to know what happens, don’t read this.

So here we go. I saw tros last night but I found out the ending on tuesday. I allowed myself to be spoiled bc all I wanted to know was Ben’s fate and I’m glad I did it bc if I went into that theater not knowing anything, it would have destroyed me even more. I had so much faith that jj would give us a hopeful, satisfying ending (that literally how the liar described it in interviews). When I found out on tuesday I was outraged and disgusted and I cried for hours. Ben Solo and Rey deserved better. They deserved to have their happy life together in their beautiful home on Naboo with their beautiful children. But thats not what we got, yet.

After spending 3 days reading theories and listening to podcasts, I am now content. I have heard so many headcanons that makes this ending hurt a little less and let me share some with you guys in hopes it will help you as well.

1. He lives in her

It is now canon that the reason Rey and Ben’s connection was so strong is bc they are a dyad in the force, meaning one soul living in two bodies, literally soulmates. When Ben died, he gave her his remaining half of the soul, his life force to continues to live in her. Ben is alive, he lives in Rey and that is why (onscreen at least) we don’t see her grieve bc she feels Ben and his life force inside of her. She isn’t alone like people think she is. Ben is now apart of the cosmic force, but he is also apart of Rey and because of this she can interact and speak with him just as she does with anyone else. He is one with Rey. She takes the name Skywalker at the end bc that is Ben’s true family name. Solo was the name given to Han by Palpatine’s empire (as seen in the Solo movie) and we know Rey wants nothing to do with that bloodline. Rey took the Skywalker name bc her and Ben are essentially married in the force, and Luke and Leia were simply giving her their blessing that yes, you are apart of our family now, you’re our daughter in law.  

2.  The world between worlds

As we know, Leia’s body doesn’t disappear until Ben’s does. I think what happened is Leia did one final thing for her son before she died and that is giving her last remaining life force to him. However, she was already dying so she didn’t have much life left to give and however much of it went into Ben when he passed wasn’t enough to resurrect him fully. Therefore Ben is stuck in the world between worlds waiting to be pulled out and after we see Rey bury the skywalker sabers on tatooine, she is about to set out on a journey to bring him back (which quite frankly I would love to see rian johnson where you @)

3. Force projection

There’s another small theory that Ben was actually force projecting himself from Ach-To (like Luke in tlj) but bc him and Rey have such a powerful connection it doesn’t kill him like it does to Luke, it just causes him to lose consciousness and the projection fades which leaves Rey (and us) thinking he passed. But some time passes, their force bond opens up when Rey is on tatooine and she discovers that he is alive, and waiting there for her to come home to him which she eventually does.

These theories are really helping me with this whole thing and I hope they can help you guys too. I really whole heartedly do not believe Ben is gone for good. Whether we get another movie, novels, comics, animated series, he will return. He is the most loved character in the sequel trilogy and people will want to see more of him.

On another note

THE REYLOS WON BITCHES

That kiss was SO fucking beautiful ohmygod hats off to adam and daisy for that beautiful acting. You could literally see how much they love each other just by looking into their eyes at the compassion and love and intimacy. AnD BENS LITTLE PUPPY DOG SMILE WHILE HES JUST MEMORIZING EVERY INCH OF HER FACE AND HER LITTLE “BEN” WITH THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GENUINE SMILE SHE HAD HER BEN AND SHE WAS SO HAPPY DFHSKJBDFMS AND THE MOST PASSIONATE KISS IVE SEEN IN CINEMA HISTORY FUCKING FUCKIFBSDFJIDF MY BABIES ARE IN LOVE AND THEY FINALLY HAVE EVERYTHING THEYVE EVER WANTED AND YOU CANT FORGET BENS BIG CROOKED TOOTHY DIMPLY SMILE BABY BOY WAS SO HAPPY HE DESERVES THE WORLD OOHMYGOF IM HAVING A BREAKDOWN

BEN AND REY WILL HAVE THEIR HAPPILY EVER AFTER WE MAY NOT SEE IT ON SCREEN BUT IT WILL HAPPEN FUCK YOU JJ

I WILL NEVER STOP WATCHING THIS BEAUTIFUL KISS THANK YOU

#tros #tros spoilers #trosspoilers #star wars the rise of skywalker #ben solo #rey #rey of jakku #kylo ren #reylo #reylos won bitches #adamdriver #daisyridley

[tfw-no-tennis]

hunty movie 1

sooo ruth and i watched the first hxh movie holla

me as soon as we’re done w/the yorknew arc: OH FUCKY ITS ANIME MOVIE TIME

i love anime movies. theyre so often Entertaining As Hell, and also Not Very Good. its a very fun intersection 

overall this movie slots pretty easily into that category. it was a good time but nothing revolutionary. which is ok! and that makes sense bc its not canon apparently 

this movie was basically the ‘killua and kurapika have Trauma(tm)’ movie lmao 

we open w/killua having a trauma dream abt illumi, rehashing the stuff we saw in the hunter exam arc....we see this a few more times in the movie, and it really drives home how killua is still rlly scared of illumi and kinda just goes into a dissociative trauma state whenever illumi is around (even fake doll illumi or dream illumi, in this movie). poor kid :( :( 

regrettably tho ruth and i agree that illumis outfit in this movie was pretty sexy 

ok that whole beginning part where kurapikas eyes get stolen happens SO fast hvbfhdjshfsk its like ok guess thats the status quo for this movie!

jesus poor kurapika. they cant catch a fuckgin break huh

also that kid was totally the kid that was alluded to by kurapika at the end of the yorknew arc...so i guess that was included in the anime as a setup for this movie? 

also apparently that stuff was based off of a short story thing the author did a while ago which is p cool

leorios terrible drawing skills is hvhbjsdfbsdfngsjkdf

also leorio is so tender w/kurapika hhhhhhh im gonna die. im gonna gay die

and gon and killua are just. tiny soulmate boyfriends ok 

ah yes i see the obligatory movie original character who befriends the protag

it kinda cracks me up how hostile killua is to retz like vhbhskhdfbaj i get that its bc of Trauma and his fear of betrayal/betraying but it also reads as killua being a Jealous Gay which is kinda hilarious 

ruth and i when hisoka shows up: [prolonged annoyed groaning and dismayed yelling]

hisoka literally just shows up to sow chaos and throw around information to stir shit up huh

of COURSE the villain is the former 4th spider thats like. easy choice lmao 

it might just be the fansubs but i feel like there were strong implications that hisoka and 4th spider guy fucked bhjdfashfdjnakn

the most unbelievable thing abt this whole thing is that hisoka didnt kill that doll guy lmao 

ohhh shit its uvo

OHHH SHIT NOBUNGA AND MACHI....its so bad but i really like the troupe members and when they show up im like !!!!!!!

machi is so cooooool

aughhhh its like....i feel bad for nobunga for having to face down uvo like this....and THEN when pakunoda shows up too :( and nobunga tells her doll ‘rest in peace now’ or something when he cuts her down....oof. but also like theyre evil murderers so im!?! conflicted?!?!

also the shadow beast guys that uvo killed showing up and then proceeding to do LITERALLY NOTHING was kinda hilarious

and damn so technically the troupe is on the same side as the main crew, what with all of them wanting to wreck omokages shit

also omokage looks like sephiroth lmaoooo 

ill be honest i barely know what sephiroth looks like but ruth said this and i felt in my bones that its true 

ok i gotta talk abt the kurapika backstory stuff bc OUUGHGHGHGHGH my fucking UWUS BITCH!!!!

seeing a bunch of kurta was sad....and seeing baby-er kurapika OUGH and also pairo is sooo cute and him and kurapikas friendship is so pure 

kurapika is so different :( theyre like, so much more innocent and excitable....thats so damn sad bro wtf 

pairo pulling some slick moves swapping that little potion thing - all while using his blindness as a cover - was so good...no wonder he and kurapika get along so well 

also gotta say its even more brutal that one of the main reasons kurapika didnt get Big Murdered w/the rest of the kurta is bc pairo pulled this stunt - if he hadnt, kurapika wouldve failed the test and never would have left 

also kurapika saying theyre gonna find someone who can help w/pairos eyes ;_; the similarities w/leorios backstory/motivation makes me die 

and seriously im still caught up at how innocent and pure kp is oooof ough 

tho still defs the kurapika we know....theyve seemingly always had a temper, what with the reaction to the dudes in the market 

like, kurapika did NOT hold back...even after finding out that they were just part of the test! tho i do get it bc they insulted pairo...kurapika’s love for their friends/stalwart need to defend their friends is clearly a big thing 

also the market people’s reaction to seeing kp’s red eyes is rlly interesting to me...are the kurta like, known to anybody? or are they more of a vaguely talked-about group that like, ‘probably exists’? or is it that people know abt them but not the red eyes thing? it seems like these people, if any, would know, bc this market is seemingly a day’s travel from where the kurta live....i want more kurta lore bro!!

i big love pairo helping kurapika cheat like that....such an interesting twist, and makes it obvious that theirs is a friendship of equals 

anyways i loved that flashback stuff and it just drives home how absolutely fucked up and horribly sad kurapikas whole existence is, especially in this movie w/pairo’s doll being used against them

n e ways back to the non flashback stuff

i love that gon’s super nose returned for this movie omg 

im just auhghghghgh gon and killua know each other so well uwu....

aaaand illumi (well, doll illumi) is back to fuck shit up for poor killua

ugh it still gets me how clearly terrified of illumi killua is...we dont really see him act like this any other time :( and the fact that doll-illumi was able to scare killua enough to get him to run away and leave gon behind (albeit briefly) was oof 

gon jumping in front of killua and getting his eyes stolen instead....baby boyyyy oughhh

also can i just say thank fuck they didnt replace illumis eyes w/gons bc THAT wouldve been some serious nightmare fuel lmao 

cant believe killua then ran away again and walked emo-ly on the train tracks 

and THEN he saw a train coming and was like oh well :( guess ill die :/ JESUS KID 

but gon w/his Big Sniff Powers comes to the rescue!!

it was so cute how gon told killua that killua didnt run and abandon him - they were working together to fight :’) gon understands killua so well 

i love how the squad then squads up to fight omokage...with half of them being blind lmao 

and in the half that isnt blind is leorio, who STILL doesnt know nen, and literally brings a knife to a nen fight 

i totally saw the whole ‘retz is a doll and her older brother is omokage, and retz actually died a while ago’ thing coming lol but still, not bad

all omokage does is talk abt the beauty of his dolls or w/e like ENOUGH bro 

kurapika fighting pairo and killua fighting illumi (AGAIN) was all so fucked up they shouldve switched opponents for less trauma oof 

and poor leorio is literally no help vhhvdijfhjbashkj he just gets throw around this whole time

kurapikas fight against pairo was sad bc it was such a fucked up situation...kp did gr8 tho, i liked them saying that this isnt the real pairo, cause pairo would never say/do these things. still and extremely sucky situation to be in! 

meanwhile its the gon and killua vs doll-illumi rematch...and this illumi is like, a version of illumi drawn from killuas mind/heart (or something idk, it was kinda glossed over which i understand), which means that hes extra scary and focused on telling killua how much hes just a mindless killing machine who cant have friends 

but luckily we have gon here to help snap killua out of his trauma haze, which certaintly wasnt the case at the hunter exam - so it was kinda nice to see how things went w/gon around :’) they work so well together oughhhhh....and they love each other so much broo gay preteen love real 

hisoka just fuckgin materializing in the house place to help sow more chaos....unbelievable 

me: i bet hisoka wont want to fight doll chrollo bc its not The Same as real chrollo 

ruth: no i think he will bc hes a whore 

hisoka: [fights doll chrollo] 

me: oh shit u right 

kurapika: ok omogake its time for you to FUCKING DIE- 

and then killua stops them and says that he’ll do it, be he doesnt want kurapika to kill anymore :( :( :( bro im sooo fucking sad. killua rlly b out here thinking that hes already too far gone to matter when it comes to murder, but he doesnt want his friends to end up like that, so he might as well take on that burden, because whats one more person’s death on his hands? (EVEN THO HE SAID HE DIDNT WANT TO KILL ANY MORE...but theres exceptions when it comes to saving your friend’s souls and whatnot) :( :( AUGHHH

but luckily retz comes THRU with some good ole fratricide

killua: [takes notes]

the fact that the phantom troupe just fuckgin shows up and is like oh hey its you guys. this casual enemy stuff kills me lmao i love it 

then they just fuckgin LEAVE and theyre like welllll we cant rlly fight u bc of chrollo’s state so by i guess. its NOT On Sight but someday it will be! YOU TOO HISOKA DONT THINK WE FUCKIGN FORGOT ABOUT YOU. 

dramatic house burning! and rip retz, saw that one comin tho 

when they all went thru and said their life goals and then killua was like shit i dont have a cool definitive anime goal LMAOOOO

but THEN gon said his goals should be to stay by gon’s side UHMMM???? baby gays AUGHHHHH and killua is just like lovestruck AUGHHHH 

Gays Win 

then they all peace out to resume the next arc lmaoooo

and then we see flashes of other characters, like the blonde girl (who ruth and i totally thought retz was, seeing thumbnails from this movie....we were like w8 hasnt that girl not been introduced yet??? lmao)

we also see some dude w/long hair and a hat who ive never seen before but ruth went OHHH ITS SCYTHE GUY!!! so i guess hes gonna b important?? lol 

and then we saw chrollo....still in the same place the squad left him vbhajfdjkahsbfkdjabhsukfdj CAN HE NOT GET DOWN FROM THERE W/OUT NEN OR AN AIRSHIP??? THATS SO FUCKING FUNNYYYYYY ARE YOU KIDDING ME 

general thots:

so this was very much an Anime Movie, in that they cant like, advance to plot or develop the characters much, bc its a movie. and this one is non canon

it was enjoyable but i do feel like it was much more typical shounen then hxh usually is...like, i feel like this was made by the same people who make like, the naruto movies or w/e, and w/the same sort of approach/attitude 

this isnt necessarily bad - i LIKE shounen for a reason - but it was a bit noticeable bc it wasnt quite as smart as hxh is usually, and it rehashed a lot of stuff weve already seen in this show itself 

but still i think it did a good job w/what it had, and it had some good angst, and everyone was very gay which is good

the art style was SLIGHTLY wack but it wasnt as bad as i thought itd be 

overall a fun time like most anime movies. didnt reinvent the wheel but i had a good time. im excited for the greed island arc, and im also disproportionately excited to watch the hxh musical bc that is a thing that exists and i MUST see it asap bc that sounds like the kind of hilarious wackiness that appeals to me specifically

so thats it...later! 

#this is more of a recap than a liveblog lmao #anyways. good times #lj watches hxh #hxh