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erogenousmind · 3 months

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Safe and Sound

Cathrine knew this room. She knew its shape, its dimensions. She knew the soft chair and the wooden writing desk at which it sat. She knew the fabric of the curtains and the matching bedspread. She knew the numerous pillows atop the bed, knew how easily her head would sink into them. She knew the soft blanket, so fluffy and warm. She knew how it felt when it wrapped her up, when she could disappear into its folds and everything outside the room melted away.

She couldn't place it, but there was something childlike about the room. There was an innocence to it, a calm. Like it's occupant wouldn't know a thing about the stresses of life. Couldn't conceive of the responsibilities of independent life or of obligations that lasted longer than they could be held in focus. It was as if Cathrine was shielded from all those things here.

There was a house around this room, of course, and a whole world around that. Cathrine was dimly aware that she must have passed through the house to get here, must have at some point approached the front door, but it all felt so distant somehow. Nothing outside this room really mattered while she was here. And it had been so important to get here. To be right where she was right now. Right where she had been told to be...

The room had called to her. She remembered hearing its song echo down the hall as she had approached. Remembered the way she seemed to float toward the open and inviting door. It hadn't felt as if she'd been pulled, but she hadn't made any conscious effort to move forward either. She listened to that haunting melody and it drew her closer. It became more clear the closer she came. She could hear it so clearly now. A song of peace. Of innocence.

Cathrine felt the headphones shift as her head lolled back and for a moment she was aware of another room. Somewhere else she was sitting and listening. A whole different world. But the song reminded her how much better it felt to be here. How much simpler it was to listen and be in this cozy room. To be safe. And that other world melted away...

The song had called her from so far away. It had caught her, drifting on the wind when she saw the house. So picturesque. It reminded her of something, but the pull of the song had been too strong for her to focus. The front door too inviting. The call of the room too powerful.

But now, drifting here, she realized what it was. She knew where she was. The perfect order to this place. The shape, the design, the colors. This was a dollhouse. And that, Cathrine realized dimly, meant she was a doll. Softly, the corners of her mouth turned up into a gentle fixed smile. The light faded from her eyes even as they sparkled with pristine beauty. She was a doll in her dollhouse. And she was so happy. Happy to be played with. Happy to be cared for and loved. Happy to be enjoyed. And happy to have her decisions made for her.

The song moved her now. A doll didn't have to move on her own. The closet doors opened before her and she beheld the most perfect wardrobe a doll could ever ask for. The song dressed her exactly how it desired. Cathrine felt so beautiful. The song moved her about the room, sitting her at her desk or twirling her round and round. The song made her dance, and Cathrine felt so graceful. And through it all she was so blissfully happy. A doll didn't have a care in the world. As long as she was looked after, she knew she was loved and safe. She was so small, so delicate. But the song would always look after her. The house would always keep her safe.

And when it was done playing with her, the song prepared her for bed. The sheets were pulled up to Cathrine's chin and she felt the most gentle lips as she was kissed goodnight on her forehead. She would sleep as long as was desired of her. She would wake when she was needed again. She would play and dance and be the best doll she could be. She could remain in the room, remain in her perfect dollhouse, forever. Her body might be needed elsewhere from time to time. She might even have to play dress up again. Pretend she was an adult doing adult things. Whatever was needed of her.

But her spirit could always remain here. She could always be a perfect doll for this perfect dollhouse. She needn't have a care in the world. She could be small and delicate, loved and safe. And the bed was so cozy. The blanket wrapped her up, body and mind. The song sang its lullaby to her and Cathrine was transfixed. The plastic smile remained on her face and she drifted down so deep. Perfectly content. Safe and sound. Happy...

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myfanfictiongarden · 9 months

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Home is where the Heart is- Tarzan 1999

Looking back at her childhood, Jane knows, it was a beautiful and loving one. For the longest while, Trevor Square, Knightsbridge, was her home and her world. The house they lived in didn’t look any different from all the others in that part of town just a few minutes south from Hyde Park, yet she firmly believed it must have been that happiness radiated from it more than from anywhere else. The little windows always like cheerful looking eyes, the red entrance door impossible to miss, and the tiny garden in the back yard always a paradise in bloom.

They were a merry sight to their neighbours, their little family, mother, father, her, and old Nora. Were the windows open one could sometimes hear mother playing piano or catch sight of another tropical bird father would bring home escape. Her mother never stopped in the street to gossip with other women in the neighbourhood, her father never came home in ill humour, she preferred playing with her dolls outside rather than inside, and her nurse Nora had as much needed patience for all the brushed knees and torn petticoats as if she were a saint. Weekends would find them going on picnics to the countryside all four of them, holidays visiting family, summers at the coast. There was no room for idleness among them. Her parents had fought and worked hard for this life they shared.

Her father was the only son and child of a very respectable lawyer and barista of the Temple guild. His parents, especially his father, were keen on their intelligent son to follow in these footsteps, but left in utter despair when he in return, instead of rejoicing in the glory of human made law found comfort in the invisible light of spiritual revelation. His time studying theology found him on bad terms with his family, only too worsen when inspired by the natural beauty on earth he went on to the natural studies focusing at first on botany. Now, with the prospects of having a penniless scientist in the family, the already strained relationship cooled down to nothing. Hurt by their lack of sympathy and understanding, Archibald Q. Porter soon found peace with this new freedom focusing from now on all energy on solving the mysteries of science. Meeting and earning the heart of his dear Cathrine though he always considered his greatest achievement. Cathrine, born into a merchants family, and being the younger of two daughters, had taken up on herself to continue in her family’s tradition in finding value in honest work, becoming a governess before considering starting a family of her own. Taking her young proteges out one morning to the zoo had led first to her new bonnet being ruined by a sudden heavy downpour, then to the arm broken of one of the boys, and lastly to coming across one of the most charming and considerable young man she ever beheld. He had managed to quiet down the sobs of the six year old by occupying his child's mind with stories of exotic animals while she took the hands of the other two, and together they made it safely back home before parting all wet and muddy at the entrance door. Somehow their paths continued to cross in the park or zoo, and soon her heart was taken with the young scientist five years her senior. From her parents side there was not much to say against her choice, except the fact that he was only a professor with a building good reputation and not a doctor within a wealthy circle. His parents were much less welcoming of her, but that did not stop her for trading the name Price for Porter.

Jane knew her parents wished long for children before she was born. She didn’t have any siblings, except for the younger sister that was laid to rest only a few hours after entering this world. Some might have despaired by the loneliness of being an only child, but not her, for she gladly took up paper and pencil to draw, having been gifted her mother's artistic talent, or would roam in her fathers study or laboratory, having inherited his scientific curiosity. There was also their first neighbours young son, Bobby, with whom she would often times find herself in mischief of one sort or another, he throughout childhood a true friend in game and play.

Something had changed though when she was eight, something she as a child hadn’t been able to grasp fully.

“Nora, is mumsy very sad?”

“Why, how could she be with a little chirping bird like you by her side?” Her nurse answered tickling her under the arms and being instantly met with laughter.

“No, I mean, she rarely leaves her room and always sits by the window, staring outside with such a queer look in her eyes.”

“That’s because she likes to dream a bit.”

“During the day even?”

“Ay, even during the day. There is no harm in a bit dreaming I would say, isn’t it?”

There is no harm in dreaming certainly, and yet, Jane knew something was off, for this was so much different from the mother she had had until now, the one who would play and roam with her all day, run and stroll through parks, spend hours in the garden tending the hothouse or planing social gatherings or dinners at home.

“Mumsy, do you like dreaming now more than going outside?”

“Dreaming?”

“Yes, when you sit by the window.” Like most days now since winter her mother was sitting half upright on the deep green couch in her room upstairs, leaning her head on the right hand and looking outside into the gloomy sky. It was a nice room with wallpaper painted in elaborate tropical flowers, wonderful velvet green curtains and a window looking out over their garden and many others. It was actually both her parents bedroom but her father oftentimes slept on a cot bed in his study.

“You are right, I do dream at times while sitting here.”

“About what?” Jane asked, now sitting on a small footstool by her mothers side.

“What about? Lets see, about a many things. About people in the neighbour houses and how their lives may look like, about the seasons changing, about what lies down the Themse and ever further, about all the magical places that are somewhere out there.”

“Like India!”

“Yes, India or Africa. Or South America and the Polonaise Islands. It may not be easy to travel there but one likes to imagine seeing all these places.”

“We could go with daddy, he has seen so much already so he could show us.”

“Yes, we might one day. But for now we are happy in our little home, aren’t we?”

“We could take things with us so it’ll be like home. We can take your bed and this couch and your dresses and daddy's bottles and books and everything!”

“And everything! And what would we do about Nora? Could you imagine her in the jungle? Or about you? Would there be enough room to squeeze you into some trunk?”

“I'm small and can fit into anywhere. And Nora is brave, she could even fight a lion!”

“Oh yes, she would teach any wild beast manners if it came to it.”

From that day they dreamt together in that pretty little room, dreamt of all the adventures they would go on, and very soon that little room wasn’t so small anymore but wide and wild, holding all of Africa's wonders within its walls. Their minds would form mountains and rivers and plains and where their imagination couldn’t fill out the jungle they took to aid books on botany, geography and travel journals published by those who had dared to step into the wide unknown. Sometimes Nora would join their fantasies while bringing tea and scones, pretending to have battled savages and climbed steep hills in order to supply them with refreshments, and then at other times her father lead the way through dangerous terrain while accompanying his theatrics with a variety of animal noises. In those days nothing was missing that couldn’t be compensated with a few gentle words. They did go on outings, although not as big ones as before, Hyde Park becoming the very real substitute for the African jungle and Jane running wide circles around the old oak where her mother would sit, like the little child decided to enjoy the freedom of movement for them both. But most precious of all, in the few more years that would follow, were the hours spend on the deep green couch, at times reading, at times dreaming, and at other times in an embrace.

“My darling, it is so nice dreaming with you. Please remember always that none of the furniture or dresses or dolls or even books are so important as the people you love. Because Home is where the Heart is.”

Many years later those words would come back to her, as would all the little things she didn’t know then but did understand now. What a cold thing walls out of brick and mortal are when laughter is missing, what use in books and paints or hats and dresses when harsh winds are ever blowing. Seasons may change but the clocks stay quiet.

In the jungle time flies differently. Being located so close to the equator the days are all similarly long, the nights similarly dark, no changing seasons indicating the years progress, the only difference being between season of more rain and season of less. There are no parliament meetings, social gatherings or cricket tournaments to mark certain dates in the year, nor are there any church bells toiling to tell the hours or days. Putting up camp again, now with not that many human hands to help, had taken some time, but being at last set up it did form a nice place to stay and allowed Jane leisure to study some more her new surroundings. She took her studies up with vigour, eagerly followed the gorillas as close as possible, eagerly listened to everything Tarzan tried to teach her about life in the jungle. And yet, she must have without realising taken up the habit of talking about London, talking so much she one day she stoped embarrassed when finally noticing the confusion on Tarzan’s face. After that she avoided any mention of her previous home for a while.

Then the day comes when he brings her to his parents tree-house, his birth parents tree-house. It is unexpected. He had until now only vaguely mentioned his human parents, his knowledge of the English language not yet enough to express such sensitive matters and she hadn’t dared to push. She is filled with so much wonder when realising where he had brought her to, realising where they stand, her mind endlessly impressed by the sheer ingenuity that must have been at work here, the unending power of will that managed to create something of a home in the midst of so much wilderness. Two people with a new-born build this, their love and will to live unmatched by anything she’d ever witnessed, and both love and grief for such remarkable people wash over her as she takes in her surroundings.

“Jane could live here. In real house like in London. Live with Tarzan.”

“Here?” They are now both standing in the center of the main room, dead leafs and tangled canopies around them, a gripping hole in the roof above them. She had entered alone, careful, like treading on sacred ground, but he must have followed her in, soundless as he could, now standing to his full size inches from her, looking at her face trying to read her expression.

“Yes. Jane like it?” He asks after a while, taking her hands in his.

“I love it.” She answers truthfully before embracing him with vigour.

#yes its finally here!#this baby took 9months to finish #really love how it turned out #fan fiction #my writing #tarzan #disney tarzan #tarzan 1999 #things i like

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yourlocalgaycryptid · 1 month

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List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who liked or reblogged something from you! Get to know your mutuals and followers :D

I answered already but i’ll give you 5 more anyways💪:

1. Sourdough bread from one specific restaurant where i live

2. Cheesey pasta

3. The 2011 version of much ado about nothing staring David Tennant and Cathrine Tate

4. Pretty much anything with David Tennant and/or Michael Sheen

5. Clown dolls but specifically only the clown dolls that i have collected. Still cant sleep around any doll i’m not familiar with.

#:)

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socomputercomputer · 7 months

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@callofduty

Cathrine the great and Robert

That creepy Chucky doll

Re lesa ofnpjh me

I did not eat of the ballet rolls I bought on EBT

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iamheadphones · 10 months

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June 10, 3027

“Yeah- yeah I just uhm, your mother invited me to have lunch with y’all tomorrow…” Lapis trailed off as she was hit with sudden realization. She started back at her mother who looked at her with a victorious grin. Her eye twitched a bit as she used every muscle to restrain herself from losing her shit. “I’m so sorry it all happened so fast, I didn't know what to say, or do. Do I need to make it up to you? I'm going to make it up to you.” Lapis ranted on as she quickly turned her attention off of her mother and to her panicked girlfriend. “Lapis you don't need to make it up to me. It's alright. Look, as soon as I can I will head over to your place, and we can talk through this. Okay?” She said as she heard Lapis agree over the phone. She could hear her deep, and loud breaths. “Hey I need you to get one of your roommates and have them by you until I can get there. Okay?” “Okay.” Lapis said as she nodded. “Okay. I love you.” She said as the line went deadly silent for a second. “I love you too. Bye.” “Bye.” She said as she quickly turned to her mother. “What the fuck was that?” She said slowly. Getting one word out of every breath. “Come on y’all have been dating since middle school, and I’ve been dying to meet her.” Her mother said as she took a deep breath. “I need to go.” She said as she turned around. “But I haven’t picked out a gift for Cathrine yet.” Her mother said as she rolled her eyes. “You can pick a gift out by yourself. I need to go.” She said as she was grabbed by the wrist. “Come on Mijha. We haven’t finished our shopping experience yet. Besides, I want you to come home with me and stay for dinner.” Her mother said as she made eye contact and gave her another smile. One that would seem sweet, yet at the moment wasn’t. In fact it only seemed to give her the creeps. Just like the plastic dolls she had once grown up playing with. “I don’t want to see dad, or my little siblings, and I have to go because of what you just did. Besides, I already have dinner plans.” She said as she yanked her arm back to ehr and began to walk towards the nearest exit. “You aren’t cheating on Lapis are you?” Her mother said, causing her to freeze. “Nope it’s called my roommate Laura is making dinner and nobody is allowed to skip it.” She said, and with that she walked straight to the door. Leading her back into the outdoor sunshine. She walked quickly towards the otherside where she had parked her car. She didn’t want to run because anyone could easily see her as a shoplifter, and it’s not like her girlfriend possibly having a panic attack would be a good enough excuse to be sprinting to her car. Her only hope was that at least one of Lapis’s roommates was there with her. She quickly looked both ways and made a quick walk to her small jeep. She hopped in and turned on the car. Almost immediately backing out causing someone to honk at her. She rolled her eyes and went as fast as she legally could in the parking lot before she went straight onto the loop. She drove about five or the speed limit. She didn’t care too much about everyone else. She had somewhere to be. She slowed down a bit as she neared the exit before going off with the stop light bening green. As she approached it turned yellow. She sped up and just barely made it past before it turned red. She once again slowed down as she approached the apartment complex that Lapis lived in. It was a lovely complex with decent rents. Thankfully it didn’t have one of the gates so she could easily drive right on in without a pass, or paying. The complex itself had six buildings, a playground, a gated pool, and a small office. She drove straight to the fourth building. Parking in the nearest open spot. As soon as she got out and locked her jeep she sprinited up to the building. One woman looked at her weird as she dashed past her up the stairs. She didn’t care right now about any looks. Just that she could get to Lapis. Thankfully her apartment was on the second story, and one for the closest to the stairs.

#chaos krew #story #writers #writers on tumblr #oc #original character #writeblr #original content #writing #wlw #mother issues

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guestboyghslq · 4 years

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The rpg fantasy world of Gregory Quest has turned me and others into rpg based classes, which would you have in your rpg party? Guest boy: Adventurer Gregory: Knight Neko zombie: Rogue Catherine: Mage/healer Cactus gunman: Archer Lost doll/katie: Princess Dead Body: Necromancer Hell’s chef: Warrior

#グレホラlq #ghslq #gregory quest #gregory horror show #gregory horror show: lost qualia #rpg #lost qualia #lost doll #dead body #cactus gunman #gregory #cathrine #hell's chef #neko zombie

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tetraremade · 6 years

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catch me drawing dollightful fanart before class tomorrow

#hamchats #her demon doll is... nice..#also cathrine said gay rights with tatsuo and juwon

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the-empress-7 · 3 years

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Honestly can’t remember if I’ve submitted this before but I work for a toy company (design department manager, I basically oversee what the designers do and give them guidance to make sure things are up to our company standards) and I remember when Meghan first appeared there was talk of making dolls of her and Catherine, the logic being now there was a “black princess” so if would be ok to make a Catherine doll (there were worries that a lone Catherine doll would be “exclusionary” to black girls from the marketing department 🙄) and so we went ahead with focus group testing in early 2019. Let me tell you... The reaction to the prospect of a Meghan doll was a disaster. The words that were coming back from the parents and retail stockists during the initial development were things like “insincere”, “unkind”, “contrived”, “try hard” and “diva” and the reaction from kids wasn’t any better. Contrast with the terms coming back from product testing for a Cathrine doll like “genuine” and “serene” not to mention “regal” and “kind”... One of the more powerful woman in the marketing department had a melt down. I personally smelt sugar on her but we aren’t friends on any social media so I don’t know for sure. Anyway she flipped, totally angry and somebody from their department said she legitimately cried. Too hilarious. The whole project was put on ice after Mexit but I hope after this woke Twitter culture dies down I can dust off the prototypes we were working on for Catherine and push ahead. Retailers wanted to stock her, they didn’t want to stock a Meghan doll lmao.

Thanks for sharing. As a parent I can tell you that the only dolls I have bought for my daughter are the American Girls dolls, way too many of them. Maybe it's a matter of personal preference but I don’t get the appeal of buying look alike dolls.

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esmiblood90irisglimmer · 5 years

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Hamilton Kids Costume 2019!!

Philip: Jack Skeleton

Angelica: Cathrine of Aragon

AJ: Michael Myers

James: Grim Reaper

John: Demonic Doll

Williams: Wicked Puppeteer

Eliza / PJ: Beetlejuice and Lydia

Hamilton: Witch

Hamilton Kids: Happy Halloween!!!!

Philip: Make sure to stay in group while trick or treating

Eliza: Have an adult chaperone to keep all the kids safe.

Hamilton: Parents make to always check your kids candies no matter the circumstances

#hamiltrash #hamliton #alexander hamilton #ask single dad hamilton #hamilton #Hamilton post #Philip Hamilton #angelica hamilton #alexander jr hamilton #alexander hamilton jr #james hamilton #john church hamilton #williams hamilton #eliza hamilton jr #eliza hamilton #philip hamilton ii #happy halloween

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littlewalken · 5 years

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If you watch Little Women

You’re gonna want to read Little Women. You’re going to want your children to read Little Women.

So please please please DON’T GET AN EDITED/BOWDLERIZED VERSION!

Anointed yes, e-book yes, big thick as a Harry Potter sized copy from grandmas attic yes! With the first copy I read being the size of a brick I am vary wary of any short and skinny version of Little Women.

Anyone who falls in love with Little Women will read the original book as it was written and want to become a part of that world. It will open the door to women’s roles in American history. This is a book written by a women about the world of women in the 19th century.

If you or your little one want to play Little Women with toys get a set of paper dolls. They had paper dolls back then. I hope Dover still prints the Tierney set.

And check out the Cathrine Hepburn film version too. It’s a gay ;) old time.

Hell, I’ve never seen a bad version of Little Women. Even the Animae is good.

#little women #emma watson

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carrietrekkie · 5 years

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Dream, Nightmare or something else?

So, let´s see how this goes on. Second part to Thunderstorm.

Part 2 of 3 that tells how Cathrin gets in her strange situation.

This time with much more Chris Pike in it! Enjoy!

He had been through many strange things. Some of it creepy and savage, others were beautiful and exciting but this here, was absolutely unbelievable.

“Okay. And know from the beginning and please, slowly.“ Pike crossed his arms and try to follow the words from his chief medical officer.

“I don´t know how this is even possible but she is a human being, like you and I.” Dr. Pollard pointed at her still unconscious patient. “And in the view of her not treated anomalies and diseases and the medical deposits, who by the way where ridiculous easy to medicate, I would guess she was born at the end of the 20th Century and I estimate her at the age of 33 years.” She turned her gaze now to the captain. “She is a bit shaken up, had a lightly cut on her forehead and I´m sure, a hell of a shock and an enormous headache when she wakes up but no other injuries at all.”

“Is it possible to wake her up?” Pike watched her thorax moved slowly up and down. Someone get her out of her bloody clothes and dressed her in a Discovery hospital shirt.

“I don´t recommended this.” Pollard checked her vital signs. “If our surmises are correct, then, from the moment on, she awakes, she will have a lot of things to process.” She sighed a bit. „Everything here would be new for her and assuredly frightening.”

“Oh yes, definitely.” Pike hesitated shortly, than he placed his hand carefully on her shoulder. “Call me, when she awakes.”

“Yes Sir.”

*****

Captain Pike sat on the head of the conference table, surrounded by some of his officers and listened to the words of Ensign Tilly. As always, he was impressed by the speed of words that popped out of the young woman´s mouth, but this times it seemed even Silvia Tilly are lost in words.

“Altogether, this is a car from the early 21th Century. Markings are set 2018 and the brand dates back from Germany.”

“So, she is German?” Detmer smiled a bit, she although was born in this country.

“Those cars were very popular around the world this time.” Spock shifted some pictures. “But we found documents in those languages, so it substantiated our presumption.”

“What else we got?“ Pike watched at the photos Tilly brings up.

“Some CD´s, new clothes.“ Silvia smirked a little. „“Some really cool shoes and her handbag.“

“Under the passenger seat we found her smartphone.” Burnham slipped it to Pike, he grabbed it and turned it around. “Nothing unusual at that times, but hers barely used.”

The display was broken but still worked, Chris tipped on it. It showed the unidentified woman, two little boys on her side.

“Oh man.” Chris presented the phone to Burnham. „Please tell me, that they are not hers.“

“Dr. Pollard didn´t found any indication for pregnancies or childbirth, but there is a certain similarity between them, maybe her nephews or brothers.”

“Did we have a name?” Saru taken the phone from Pike and considered it in curiosity. “Or did we call her farther the unknown.“ „She still didn´t awake.“ Pike rose from his chair. “Dr. Pollard would give her the opportunity to do it on her own time.”

“Wise decision.“ Spock turned off the screen. „How do we proceed?“

„Owo, ensure she gets a quarters, when she´s allowed to leave sick bay.” The captain turned around to dissolved the meeting.

“Shouldn´t we take her to the brig?“ Agent Tyler interrupted him. “I mean, we still don´t know who she is or where she came from. Maybe she´s not that harmless then she seemed.”

Pike stared at him, bite back his snappy answer. He and Tyler just approached a little and he didn´t want to start another argument. Just because he didn´t like what he did, didn´t meant that he couldn´t like him.

“Dr. Pollard found no hints of a hidden identity.” Tilly chooses Pikes site. “It were mean to put her in a cell, if she´s been to those things we guess.

“You both made your point clear.” Pike looked back and forth between them. “Commander Nhan, turn off one of the security guards, till we know who she is, someone should guide her all the time.” Another look goes to his officers. “Anybody alright with that?“ They nodded at him. „Good, keep on your researches, please keep me informed.”

Everyone confirmed, than the briefing been resolved and they turn to execute their commands.

“How is this possible?” Burnham turned around to look at Pike. “Did we do something to bring her here? Is it a result of the signals?”

“I guess only time will tell us this.” The Captain leaned again his desk. “Or we are lucky and she knows the answer.”

“Would you bet?” She smiled at him.

“Captain Pike please to the sick bay.”

“No I wouldn´t but maybe we now get some context.” He looked up, than he catches her gaze, a knowing smile on his lips. “Do you want to accompany?

„Yes Sir! Thank you.“

++++++

How could I describe this to you?

Imagine your mind like the desktop of your computer, the icons are your memories. All the things you go through, everything you ever loved, made, learned, watched… I could go on with that, but I guess you got the point.

Now something or someone took some of those icons and put them away, not deleting it, just out of your reach, of your sight, but not so far away that you didn´t had a glimpse of them from time to time. This someone put your memories in little boxes, sealed with something like a password or a key you don´t have and thrown it in the transitions of a labyrinth. So near and so far at the same time.

Or if this explanation fits you better. Like memories taken away with a wand from a wizards mind, putted in little bottles and placed away on an unreachable cupboard. You knew they are there but you unable to get it.

Oh and the best is yet to come. Me, sitting there and watch helplessly how this happens to me.

I knew so many things.

I go through every war Starfleet has been, had mourned every lost and fight and now I could even say, what this wars were about.

I followed a starship halfway through the galaxy but I just remember that the captain was a women.

I could name every captain of the Enterprise, in the right sequence but yet this list vanished right before my eyes, left just the taste of a cup of earl grey tea and been replaced by only one sentence.

The Captain of the Enterprise is Christopher Pike.

Pike…I tried to remember the things I knew about him but even them were cloaked under a vail, not so sealed like the other ones but still not touchable.

So this list goes on and on and it felt like eternity but I wasn’t able to open my eyes, to move or to get away from this torture. I run, hide in the darkest corner of my mind and hope that all this wasn´t more than a really, really bad nightmare.

Before I get lost in something like a panic attack, I sense a strange feeling in my head, like a big cotton ball that droops over me, calms me down and cuts me up, taking me finally away to a deep, dreamless sleep.

*****

Red, everything was red and it seemed like forever till it decided to left me. It was not pitch black where I was, but even it was not totally bright. As well as it wasn´t noisy or quiet at all. A little while ago, someone talked by side, maybe about me, I hadn´t understood anything of it and after a short time there were silence again. A blanket laid on me but I couldn´t take it of my body, so I stopped trying. The pillow was soft but a little weird at all. Slowly I tried to move my head a bit.

“Ouch.”

That hurts, but the question was, why? A doll throb goes down my spine. I pinched my eyes before I decided to open them up, I was curious what was going on. It took some seconds to get a clear view at all, than I looked at a weird ceiling light. A moving shadow catches my attention and I turned my head. A dark skinned lady looked at me, her eyes warm and carrying with that special glance in it, that only doctors could do. That would explain her white clothes and the silver badge…

“Ohhh.“

I raised my hand, searching for the wound on my forehead, but there was nothing and my explanation for this distracting view before my eyes was blown away like dandelion seeds. So I closed my eyes again.

“How do you feel?”

“Shaken up.” I took a deep breath, than I opened my eyes and gazed at the other visitors on my left side. “And I think I getting crazy.”

The doctor raised a funny instrument and headed it over my body. I followed her with my eyes, then I glanced to the other forms and then I felt how my temper raised.

“Okay, who wants to mess around with me?” I started to move but that the doctor don´t agreed and so she pushed me back into the bed.

“You should take it slowly.” Her hard look at me didn’t have the effect she wished for. She would be the first doctor that scares me.

“I don´t want! I just want to go home! My mother and I.“ I took a deep breath, a try to calm myself, than I dropped back again. “That´s not funny anymore.”

The man and the women shared a quick look, then he nod to the doctor and she left those funny little gathering.

“I can imagine that this is hard for you to take but maybe you found it reassuring that it is also for us.” He smiled at me and damn, that looks cute. As well as I had it in my memory.

„Would you reveal us your name?“ And her voice was as beautiful as I expected it.

I sighed, sit up and breathed deeply. “My name is Cathrin Zimmer.” I looked at him and cut him up, before he could said something. “Listen, I really appreciate what is going on here. Someone really make an effort and I´m sure that costs a hell out of money but.” I shook my head. “That’s not as half as funny as you may think it is.”

Again they exchanged views, than he takes a step towards me. Somethings emanating from him, something I couldn´t arranged, so I looked up in his blue eyes, as he continued to speak.

“What do you think, where you are?” He was persistent. Now I´m even more annoyed that I didn´t get the name from this actor last week. I preferred to get me some ice crème while the intro was playing.

“I guess I´m on a film set or some kind of an escape room or I lay dying in my car somewhere in the middle of nowhere.” Now I get started right. “She is Commander Michael Burnham and you are Captain Christopher Pike.” I pointed around me. “This is some place set up like the infirmary of the USS Discovery and I must confess that it looks fantastic but I´m not up to it. I had a long, long day and a horrible way home, so please, can I lay down on my couch finally?”

“You think this is a TV show?” Pike tilted his head. “Or a movie?”

“Yes!” I nodded, not the best idea. My head quitted this with a heavy throb, followed by some ugly stars before my eyes and everything starts to move.

“Calm down.” Burnham steps towards me too. „How could we make you clear that this here is real? That nothing stepped out your imagination or someone else?”

I would started to laugh, she couldn´t be serious, but her gaze left me no doubt on her genuine intensions and so I did her the favor and looked around. And then slowly, really slowly I recognized some things, I didn´t see before. On the bed next to me lays another patient, he seemed to be injured, his values on the display behind him fluctuated up and down. The doctors working at her office, a woman stepped inside and the slices turned opaque.

Outside on the hallway someone or something passed by. It has a giant head and as it toke a brief look inside, I must covered my mouth with my hand, otherwise I would had start screaming. No special effect make-up have had done those effect. It blinked at me, differently with every eye.

“That wasn´t the best timing.” Pike caught my attention as he raised his hand. I flinched back and he paused in his movement.

“That´s impossible! I mean.” My brain needed a confirmation of that, what I started slowly to realize. I raised my hand, its shaking demented and I couldn´t believe that I am going to do that. Guardedly I tipped against the badge on his uniform, than I placed my whole hand upon his breast. Unsure about what to do now, he cast a look to Burnham, but didn´t do anything to stop me.

I sensed how his heart beats under my fingers, the fabric felt strangely, sturdy and supple at the same time, I never saw something like that before. I looked up from my hand, right into his eyes and that was the moment I recognized it.

An expression no actor could work out ever. A combination of the burden of command on his shoulders, mixed up with kindness, warmth and the unbreakable recognition that he knows exactly what he wants. At this moment I didn´t even know, but it would cost me some time to get completely behind this look but in this second now, it was enough to break the protective shield, my mind build up around that unbelievable knowledge and as he suspected what is going on inside of me, he laid his hand on mine, still placed over his heart.

His touch was like a shock. I heard myself gasped for air, than I teared up my eyes.

“Hey, everything’s alright.” He tightly enclosed my hand with his. “Nothing will happen to you.”

His other hand landed on my shoulder, like he must prevented me from running away and to be honest, that’s exactly what goes through my mind right now.

“Cathrin look at me! I will not let anything happen to you!” With his blue eyes he gazed directly into my green and that took something from the panic away that threatens to overwhelm me. “Nobody here does!”

I take a look over my shoulder right to Burnham and she softly smiled at me. “I knew, it is much required but I guess we must trust each other, to understand what is happening here.”

“That sounds good.” I replied her smile, then I looked at Pike again. “I think you could release me now.”

“But don´t run away.” He smiled so bright, that his dimples were shown, a totally different smile than before and I liked it too.

“I´ll try.” Then I pulled back my hand, he let it go and takes his hand from my shoulder. Ironically it had doesn´t bother me, if he had leaved it there.

“So from the beginning?“ He placed a hand on his chest. „Christopher Pike.“

„Michael Burnham.“ She reached out her hand and I grab it for a shake. We both shared a smile.

“Cathrin Zimmer.“ Then I felt another need in my body. “Is there anything to eat on this spaceship? I´m starving. How long did I passed out?“

„More than two days.“ Pike pointed at the door, smiling at my confused look. “Let´s get some food for you.”

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