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losticaruss · 10 months

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chronicles of narnia: prince caspian will forever be a tragedy to me, especially in the way the movie presents it. it opens with peter, desperate to return to the respect he deserves (or thinks he deserves), a fully grown man trapped in this child's, this stranger's body, still adjusting to the life he'd long since forgotten. he gets into a fight because it's natural to him. don't they realize who is he is? not selfishly (a little bit selfishly) he expects people, his siblings, the crowd, to be with him in battle. it's another battle to him, and edmund, lovely edmund, young edmund, edmund who was 12 and on the verge of death, edmund who loves his siblings the most one could ever love your own blood, is in the fray with him, and they fall back into the rhythm they were used to back home- back in narnia, and lucy and susan are screaming at them to stop, and edmund and peter see the soldiers coming home from war, and all they wants is to go back with them, and they understand how these soldiers feel, shell-shocked and distant and they want to fall into line with them, but they're kids and they're fighting other kids, they're not undisciplined, they're unadjusted. nothing changed but so did everything.

and they hop on the train and none of the pevensies want to talk about what happened and they end back in narnia and they're finally back in narnia they're home on the beaches of their home and it's a joy so grand that there's nothing they can do but go back to being kids- again, and they find cair paraval, and everything's gone- and the chessboard that edmund loved, the chessboard he played on when he first beat peter, is gone, there's nothing left of it, and they fall through the ruins like ghosts. here's the dining hall, the ballroom. remember this, lu? it used to be your bed. do you remember when you were so homesick you begged me to stay with you until you fell asleep? do you remember the way the garden bloomed in the spring? and they fall naturally in step into the dais, empty, not even the familiar sound of their shoes clacking against the polished floor. everything's gone now, of course it is. they knew how time worked in narnia, but it didn't happen to them. how could it move on without them? and they make their way into the lower floors, peter naturally falls into the trait of the leader, hes the first to forget the world they came from, but edmund, clever edmund, desperate edmund, brings a torch. he doesn't say how he packed it in his bag every day, how he packed it and prayed that they'd return. and everything is still there, in that room. nothing prepares you for seeing statues of your face- not your face, but what will be your face, what used to be your face- cracked and covered in moss. their crowns are there. everything is there. peters sword returns to his side, and it's the first time he looks complete since they left narnia. and they adventure- how much had changed? the trees are so much taller. how long now had they been gone? it was natural for narnia to have moved on, but they were meant to move on with them. peter tries to bring his siblings through his usual shortcuts, through an overpass, far from the well-trod paths that had cropped up since theyd been gone. he can't have been abandoned by his home, not so soon.

but he was. and there's a kid here, claiming to be the new ruler of narnia. who is he? he looks so young, and susan is looking at him and he's... looking back? and the civilians are looking at this stranger, this kid, like he's supposed to know what to do. had he even fought a battle? he rubs his beard- and is blocked by the bare skin of his chin (of course it's not there. he forgot.) and peter wants to be the bigger person, he's the high king, that's how it should be. but there are all these emotions he hadn't felt before- he thought, not in narnia at least. and he doesn't want to be the bigger person, he finds. stop looking at him like he should know what to do! he stands up to take over- his people forgot about him. he left and they forgot. and he sizes up this child as he speaks- high king peter of narnia, he says. the magnificent. and there it is, he thinks. the familiar look, shock, awe and- confusion? that's a new one- but not incorrect, as he realizes his situation.

he wants to be recognized how he used to be. the pevensies have returned to what they were, the warrior, the archer, the diplomat, the healer. and this new one, the one who wanted to be all four at once so desperately it made ed look wise. and finally- finally he gets his chance to shine, where he belongs, on the field, against The Enemy. of course, not how he'd like it, not in broad daylight, sword and armor gleaming, but it was the smart move. and he's filled with these emotions- not dread, or worry (maybe a little worry), but excitement, and everything is pounding in his head and the adrenaline- he forgot how good it feels- and he leads the army, his army. he's the warrior, the high king, and for a night, the people remember, they remember the golden age. and ed is brilliant, and peter can't help but grin with glee as he sees him pull of a maneuver that pete knows took months of training.

and then the hoards come and they're losing- they can't be losing, this was his chance! he's right, he's the king this was his chance to show them. and he cries for a retreat but it's too late- he was a fool, he watches his army, the army who trusted him, he watched them be slaughtered against the gates that had sealed their fate. he watched the blood spray and stain the metal, oozing between the stone bricks and he just stares. and it's all he can do and he wants- what does he want? to say he's sorry? to save them?

no- no, nothing like that. he should be in there with them. he should be gutted like the rest of them (a hero's death, not this cowards life). he went in too fast, too proud, he knows that. but to have these innocents follow him in willingly, blindly, and he's the one to make it out? it's unforgivable.

and then he's given another chance. a fight- a duel, to the death. he leaves the arena a victor, or he dies a martyr, and everyone forgets his sins of the night of the ambush. and he fights the best he can, he loses his helmet, he's injured and he can hear death whistling it's grim tune, and he almost doesn't pick up his sword, and he sees edmund, lovely edmund, young edmund, with hope in his eyes- with faith in his eyes, and peter knows, he certainly doesn't deserve the life he's been longing for, but he picks up his sword because his little brother, his little brother who almost died, whom he loves with all his heart and so much more. and he accepts it. he realizes he won't get it back, his golden age, but he can fight for edmund, for narnia. and he fights. he fights and he fights and he fights.

and when it's over he breaths the sweet narnian air, and he clasps the hand of caspian, another brother, not a blood one, nor a narnian one, but one of a deeper connection, deeper than any love, and he sees susan smiling. the pevensies and caspian are celebrated like kings, and the pevensies help caspian, still a child, overwhelmed with all this love, they guide him through it, preparing for the many days in the future when parades and celebrations fill the streets, and the people adore their rulers- their king.

it's their last time, he tells the others. once they leave, him and susan can't return. there's more on the other side, the other world, another way to return to narnia, to Aslan, and he doesn't share the fear in his heart. another way, but not this way. not through his home, where he's surrounded by it, drenched in it. not the same not the same, never the same again. they could stay, of course, says a foolish side of him. but not, they couldn't, it's stupid to say so. his mother- had he forgotten his mother so soon? she would go mad with loss. his golden age, it's come and past, and narnia moved on without him, and he steps through to the train station, not to his home, (no. he can never go home again.) and susan follows him, and she grasps his hand, a look shared between the two of them that she understands. and peter, one last chance to be the bigger person, he sees her loss and he squeezes her hand back. edmund and lucy they think they understand, and they grasp their elder siblings hands, and it's comforting, but peter and susan know, they know they won't understand, not until it's their turn, they won't know how empty it is, how lonely it is in this world.

so yeah. it's a tragedy

#whoops thinking about the pevensies.#haven't done an absurdly long essay on characters who's tragedy has worked its way into my brain and rotted it through in a while so #here ya go #the pevensies #the chronicles of narnia #prince caspian #didn't mean for this to be most about peter but #HES GOT SO MUCH TRAGEDY AND ITS PORTRAYED AND WRITTEN SO WELL #peter pevensie #susan pevensie #edmund pevensie #lucy pevensie #also used read more cause DANG it got long fast

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unamazing-sheep21 · 6 months

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The Daroga is actually an extremely important character to the themes of Phantom of the Opera

Many people might not know this but living as a Muslim/brown person in the west ( especially France… see: burqab ban, burkini ban, hijab ban, etc) is extremely difficult for some. Not to mention in a world post 9/11. Not to mention ( probably) in the 1890’s like in Phantom of the Opera where orientalist art and inaccurate and often dehumanising portrayals of the Middle East and it’s people ( muslims, arabs, Persians etc) were common and were used to justify colonialism.

In classic literature there’s only like, ONE character who is brown and is treated like an actual human being by the narrative and is presented as a central cast member to boot: and that’s the Daroga/ The Persian in Phantom of the Opera. And even then, every adaptation after either replaces him with a white person or has an incredibly disingenuous and inaccurate portrayal of him and his ethnicity/religion. Heck, in the Phantom Susan Kay book he’s given the surname “Khan” which isn’t even Persian it’s a PAKISTANI name.

Every other presumably brown/POC character are written animalistically and antagonistically. E.g Heathcliff from Wuthering Heights and Bertha from Jane Eyre. Bertha especially who is just used as an obstical/metaphor instead of an actual genuine character who deserves her own nuance and voice.

Now, back to the tittle, why do I think The Persian’s mere existence and especially with him being Persian/Muslim is inexplicably tied to the themes of POTO? Because he’s just like Erik and completely unlike Erik at the same time. In the book he’s constantly described as wearing as astrakhan cap/ a fez. Something quintessentially Middle Eastern and exposes him as ethnic right away to the eyes of the then European public. Both Erik and The Persian have sides of them that the society they live in at large shuns/dehumanises/condemns. For Erik it’s his face, and for The Persian it’s his culture/ religion/ race. But unlike Erik, The Persian has the choice to “ take it off” or assimilate more into society. He can, and it was better for him if he wore, a top hat but he CHOOSES to wear a fez. And he never takes it off. While he CAN and he has the chance to be more accepted in society than he already is.

But Erik can’t “take it off”, he can’t take off his face.

Though we don’t know much about the Persians’ beliefs, it’s safe to assume he was probably Muslim since Persia has been a Muslim country for a long time ( ignore the one we have now lmao). And I like to think that even in France he doesn’t give up this one part of him. He could just convert to whatever the majority religion in France was at the time and he would be more assimilated into French society, but he doesn’t . He actively chooses to keep parts of who he is even though they put him at a disadvantage. In contrast, Erik would give anything and does try everything ( even to phycotic lengths ) to be considered “ Normal” in society.

And throughout all of Erik’s efforts the only one who was ever really there for him was The Persian. But Erik dismisses him constantly.

I like to think that The Persian stayed because he understands Erik to a certain degree, and I like to think that Erik resents him because he doesn’t use every chance he gets to assimilate into society. To be considered normal. Sometimes Erik quite literally would kill for. Instead hanging onto every part that makes him who he is even when it only isolates him further.

#phantom of the opera #classic litterature #andrew lloyd webber #phantom of the opera musical #The Daroga #Nadir Knan #erik the phantom #erik destler #christine daae #raoul de chagny #gothic romance #gothic fiction #gothic literature #Orientalism #colonialism #imperialism

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crp-low-quality-content · 6 months

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How to show your love to your creepypasta s/o

Part 2

Ticci toby

Just treat him like a common person without considering so much of his disabilities. (Will make him feel like a normal person and he'll love that)

Bring up his past every two weeks. (Toby have serious memory issues and by doing this you'll make him never forget from where he came from, he'll be very thankful for that)

Tongue kiss him through the gash in his cheek (he'll see that you pay a lot of attention to the details of his appearance and that you are a very playful person)

Carve hearts in his skin when he's not paying attention (he'll see that as a loving surprise since he can't feel pain, and will only notice this later)

Bring his mom to visit him (it's been so long he doesn't see her, toby obviously misses his mom)

Homicidal Liu

Give him all the love he deserves after everything he's been through

Talk shit about Susan (it will show that you are jealous of his dead ex which will make him see that you love him)

Maintain contact with Jeff (will show that you know his family well so you are trustworthy)

If sully gets violent with you grab a piece of wood and beat him until he can't move (will show Liu how strong you are and he doesn't have to worry about anything happening to you)

Kill Jeff and bring his head to Liu.

Laughing jack

Laugh at his jokes and appreciate everything about him.

Torture and kill anyone that harms children, especially supernatural beings that do that. Doesn't matter who they are. (LJ will see how much you care for children and he'll appreciate that)

lock him in his music box and bury it somewhere no one will find it (will make him see how protective you are)

Make fun of him to the others (people will se how funny he is and he'll appreciate that)

Make sure he'll never get rid of you.

#creepypasta headcannon #creepypasta #creepypasta x reader #laughing jack x reader #laughing jack #homicidal Liu #homicidal liu x reader #ticci toby #ticci toby x reader

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bigdumbbambieyes · 2 years

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okay, hear me out. S3 rewrite with Billy in Robin’s role while the Mindflayer makes Neil it’s host.

like, picture it for a sec: we’d get the Billy-Steve friendship we deserved, we’d have an actual human antagonist who was shown to be canonically abusive and controlling in S2, and Billy could be a reluctant (but important) addition to The Party for S4. he’s the brawn and brains that they need.

things to consider:

we’d get Steve and Billy in matching Scoops Ahoy uniforms. maybe they both applied as lifeguards but had a fight in front of the manager so they both didn’t get the position, and they applied everywhere in Starcourt once it opened and surprise!! they were both hired at Scoops and now they have to get along or else they’ll be broke the whole summer!

Billy watching in amusement as Steve fails to hook up with girls, maybe he even makes the same scoreboard. there also wouldn’t be a need to have the moms lusting over Billy bc he has no reason to meet Karen at the motel - no predatory behaviour from her in this timeline!!

imagine the banter. billy would have something to say to everyone and it would be so funny, especially between he and Max. give me one proper sibling fight please!

while a coming out scene would be great for Billy, and i would love to see Steve react to that (like, his reaction to a gay woman he had a crush on would be sooo different from a gay man he used to beef with, let’s be real), i also want more depth from Billy since he’s not flayed and El wouldn’t be looking into his past for us. so maybe instead of a coming out scene, they talk about the fight at the Byers’ during the bathroom scene. we get a glimpse into Billy’s carefully guarded emotions (maybe even his relationship w his dad) and both Steve and Billy get to move on from that night. closure and moving on from it together as newfound friends!

Billy could be shown that he is actually a smart cookie and cracks the Russian’s code (with Steve’s help). Dustin and Steve are impressed and Dustin begins to warm up to Billy a little.

new Scoops Troop!! Billy and Steve and Dustin dynamic omg. and Erica and Billy?? imagine she kinda confronts him about what happened with him and Lucas in S2, so she’s uncertain of him bc of that, but now Billy has the chance to make things right and clear up misunderstandings. and in this timeline, he apologizes to Lucas. because Lucas deserves that so. much. and Billy should have the chance to become a better person like Steve did. and maybe Lucas doesn’t forgive him, which is justified bc he doesn’t have to forgive him at all, but he gets the apology he deserves at the very least.

Steve and Billy getting tortured together oof. that would hit hard bc imagine Billy is being punched and slapped and he’s just laughing and taunting and Steve’s like wtf. it would be a great set up for the bathroom scene - like ‘why were you laughing while we were being literally tortured??’

Billy getting to see Steve draw a charge during his ‘fight’ with the Russian soldier and being proud of him, clapping him on the back with a grin while Steve gives him a shy smile. perhaps even…a meaningful, lingering look?? a spark between them??

also Steve and Billy high as fuck together lol i just want that so bad, please!!

and while Billy is with the Scoops Troop, The Party is focused on Neil. it would be a great chance to see Max’s relationship with her step father and she notices how weird he’s being. he’s nicer to Susan, even nicer to her, but then her mom starts acting weird, too. and when she finally meets up with Billy at Starcourt when the Mindflayer manifests, they discuss everything and Billy is conflicted. he’s happy that his old man is finally getting what’s been coming to him all these years, but that’s still his dad. it’s complicated but not really touched upon but implied. (and i think that would also be a great set up for S4. he gets those weird feelings in S4, thinking ‘i wanted him to die’ but also feeling guilt because his relationship with his father is so twisted from years of abuse).

we could explore Neil’s past a bit with this timeline, too. we could get a glimpse of why he is the way he is, like we did with Billy. El could see the abuse he put Billy and his mom through. she sympathizes with Billy, but she also sees how Neil was abused, too, and feels this empathy for him. which is how she brings him out of the possession, because El is empathetic by nature, under all that anger and naivety. she knows what it’s like to abuse and be abused and want to be better than those who hurt her. and when Neil does break through, he is killed just like Billy was in S3, and Billy runs over once his dad flops to the ground. Neil grits out ‘i’m sorry’ but Billy doesn’t say anything, doesn’t forgive him. he doesn’t even cry. he just…stares, looking like the lost little boy he’s always been. and Max finally runs over to pull her brother up, to drag them both away from Neil, and Billy can’t look away from his dad’s body until it’s finally out of sight.

and ofc the season ends with Steve and Billy both working at Family Video!! with Neil and Susan gone (she would’ve been part of the MF’s army), it’s just Billy and Max now, living in that trailer. that would be such an interesting dynamic to write for S4.

anyways that’s all!! that’s my silly rewrite. Billy deserved to have a support system and a real relationship with his sister and a boy his age and it could’ve been done in S3. 🤍

#billy hargrove #harringrove #stranger things season 3 rewrite #headcanon #sorry to robin for the erasure but billy needs this more and i say that with my chest #bambiwrites

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ellewritesandrants · 1 year

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I don’t know why but the idea of a soulmate AU between Billy, Steve and Eddie captivates me, especially with the idea that Billy unknowingly gets Steve and Eddie to find out that they’re soulmates. Either in a modern AU where Billy’s a big fan of Corroded Coffin and Steve just managed to get a free ticket or something or in a canon AU where Billy and Steve are friends who want to smoke a little something so they buy from Eddie or Steve picks up the kids from Hellfire and one of them notices the marks match, I don’t really care how but I just want to explore the hurt and comfort of that.

Can you imagine Billy pining away, forever in love with the idea of his soulmate being the one who’ll save him from his situation given that’s what happened to his mom and he finds out that his crush is his soulmate but doesn’t want to tell him yet until he’s made something out of himself, until he’s deserving of love and all of a sudden, he finds out that his soulmate found his soulmate and it wasn’t Billy?

Imagine Steve happily dragging Eddie with him who already looks besotted with Steve and they show Billy the mark that he’s memorized from seeing it in the mirror thousands of times and as soon as he sees the smiles on their faces and the look of wonder in their eyes, he knows for a fact he can’t ruin their happiness. He isn’t selfish enough to do it even others would say he was and all he could do was pretend to be happy and smile at the happy couple.

Imagine Billy pulling away, either out of fear he’d inadvertently ruin their relationship or because he couldn’t stand being surrounded by what he couldn’t have and the kids weirdly enough noticing and trying to figure out what’s wrong. It doesn’t help that Neil’s always been bitter about soulmates and he loved rubbing it in Billy’s face how worthless everything regarding soulmates and soulmarks was. Billy used to be able to ignore it in the hopes of finding his soulmate but now, he knew the truth.

The kids come to a different conclusion, not realizing it was something regarding soulmates but instead, about Neil’s treatment of Billy. If canon, it would be El spying on Billy and seeing him being beaten into a pulp by his dad but in a modern AU, it would the aftermath wherein Max would ask Steve to come visit Billy and he drags Eddie along with him.

Either way, Steve and Eddie find out about the abuse that Billy’s been suffering through and the guilt that Steve felt was immeasurable for not seeing what his best friend was going through, too busy with being in love with his soulmate. With Hopper’s help, they get Neil behind bars but Billy’s a wreck and he needs people to take care of him.

Steve refused to leave Billy alone in the trailer while Max went to school and Susan went to work so he offered to have Billy move in with him and Eddie so they could take care of him. Since Steve only worked part-time and Eddie was in the same year as Billy and could drive them to and from school, it made a lot more sense than leaving him to his own devices.

Billy thinks he’s in a new level of hell as time goes by because getting to know Eddie and seeing everything he can’t have was absolutely painful and heartbreaking on another level. Being surrounded by their care and affection when he’s barely known it his entire life hurts on another level he can’t exactly describe but it’s a pain that hurts so good that he can’t exactly say no to it. His only saving grace is that his mark was casted over due to Neil’s last temper tantrum and there was no way that the boys would get to see it.

Months pass of Billy falling more and more in love with his soulmates who are already in love with each other and it hurts so good. Steve and Eddie never make him feel like an outsider the entire time he’s there but sometimes, his touch starvation reminds him of just how much he’d love to be squeezed in between them in any way possible.

Graduation comes and goes and Billy refused to let his father take his achievements away so he graduated valedictorian, dragging Eddie kicking and screaming past the finish line to graduate. Billy gets to make his speech, loudly supported by everyone and he makes sure to thank his newfound family for all of the support they’ve given him.

Of course, graduation wouldn’t be complete without a graduation party so they all get drunk and party in Steve’s house to celebrate six graduations especially Billy and Nancy who graduated valedictorian and salutatorian respectively. Both Jonathan and Nancy planned to go to the same college in Chicago while Robin and her girlfriend, Heather were heading to California soon. Billy had also gotten into the same college but he wasn’t sure about going because he’d be leaving so much behind, including his soulmates.

By now, Billy was in love with both of his soulmates and unbeknownst to him, they were both plently enamored with him and they’d been trying to build up the courage to ask him out. The party had been slightly delayed because Billy was getting his casts off about a week after graduation and they wanted to do shots, something that really wasn’t advisable with a cast.

Billy had planned to initially conceal his mark using makeup but a large part of him knew that it didn’t matter since Steve and Eddie were happy anyway so he didn’t bother. After all, both Steve and Eddie loved to show off their marks at every opportunity and no one gave a shit about Billy. Somehow, Billy had managed to keep his mark a secret from everyone but he knew Heather had some suspicions.

After some time, the drinking games start and somehow, Billy’s mark is revealed either in a dared striptease or by accident during a dare and it quickly sobers him up. He doesn’t notice at first but then Robin drunkenly pointed out that they had matching marks and the sober gaze of Eddie was too sharp for Billy to meet, instead choosing to run away, stumble to his car and hit the gas to the quarry.

It’s only there that he allows himself to breakdown and to mourn the end of what was a good friendship he had going on with his soulmates because he was sure they would want nothing to do with him now. He’s only just begun to run out of tears when he hears the telltale sound of Eddie’s van, meant to drive Nancy, Jonathan, Heather and Robin home later but was most likely currenly holding the last people Billy wanted to see.

For a moment, he considers running again but his Mama didn’t raise no coward, so he wipes his tears and stands his ground. Steve was a lot drunker than Billy was when Billy had left but it seemed he’d sobered up during the ride because he was clear-eyed when he was grabbing Billy and making sure that the blond wouldn’t run away.

Steve and Eddie trapped Billy in between them, in what seemed like a mockery of his fantasies only to have them play out right in front of him. Never in his wildest dreams did he think that his soulmates would tell him that they wanted him, that they loved him and wanted to take care of him and love him. Sure, it was after an argument about why Billy felt the need to hide but he had expected rejection or at the very least a mutual ignorance of his mark. He’d never considered it a possibility but the two were convinced to try and convince him to give them a chance.

After more than a few tears and attempts to get them to realize they were better off without Billy and his baggage, Steve and Eddie stubbornly managed to convince Billy to try with them. A few kisses convinced Billy to leave his car behind so that they could get it in the morning but for now, Steve and Eddie wanted him in Eddie’s van so they were sure he wouldn’t run.

The entire ride, Billy’s mind was trying to convince him that Steve and Eddie were better off without him, that he didn’t deserve this and that he was a fraud ruining a perfectly happy couple but Steve instinctively knew something was up and he’d had Billy laid across his lap with his hair being stroked to keep the bad thoughts away while Steve affirmed Billy of all of their feelings towards him.

Halfway through the ride home, Billy was asleep and Steve had no problem carrying the younger boy into their bed so that they could finally hold him the way they wanted to. Billy had long since told them of how lonely he felt in his room but as much as they had wanted to invite Billy to literally sleep with them, they hadn’t wanted to cross any boundaries.

Tonight though, all Steve and Eddie wanted to do was to fall asleep holding their newly found soulmate. Billy awoke to Steve’s warmth cocooning him and Eddie coming in to wake him with breakfast in bed. After a hearty meal, Steve and Eddie asked if they could court Billy to show him how serious they were about their feelings for him and Billy found that much like before, he couldn’t say no to his soulmates.

Months passed with Steve and Eddie constantly trying to prove their love of Billy who eventually concedes and moves in with them in the master bedroom. It isn’t long until having Billy in between Steve and Eddie is a norm and no longer a fantasy for Billy and he realizes just how much he didn’t let himself have when he hated himself. With Steve and Eddie’s love, they helped Billy realize he was always worthy of love, care and devotion and that they were ready to spend the rest of their lives together reminding him of that fact.

#billy hargrove #billy hargrove au #billy deserved better #billy hargrove deserved better #ellewritesandrants #billy hargrove angst #metalsandwich #metal sandwich #harringroveson #steddilly #stilldie #harringrove #mungrove #some steddie but endgame is harringroveson #billy x eddie #billy x steve #steve harrington #eddie munson

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chrisili · 5 months

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Till next time | pt.1

Pairing: Edmund Pevensie x fem!reader

Summary: Prince Caspian and his maid escaped from his uncles castle. After reuniting with the Narnians and unexpected visitors, Y/N learns how to sword fight, how to be tough and how to love.

Warnings: spoilers if you haven’t watched/read Prince Caspian, cursing

Genre: angst, fluff, rom-com

Word count: 4,6k

A.N.: I am a Peter girly but… when you have three Narnia one shots written and two of them are Edmund related, do you actually deserve that title? Anyways, I changed Edmund’s age a little bit because it is a fan fiction and I can and because it’s gonna be a thing in the second part. Yes, a second part. I planned this as one only but it seems too long and rushed and doesn’t make a lot of sense to keep it in one part, so yeah enjoy!

Masterlist | pt.2: coming soon

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“A son! A son! Lady Prunaprismia has this night given Lord Miraz a son!” The mans voice echoed behind Prince Caspian and his maid Y/N. They had just exchanged their last words with Cornelius, Caspians teacher, before riding out of the castle. With a concerned look he stops his horse, Prince Caspian moves his head to the right, looking at her. She just puts a hand on his shoulder and gives him a reassuring smile, even if she was scared to the bones herself. He sighs deeply and nudges Destriers side for him to run off again. While being followed by Miraz’s men, Y/N was holding on to Caspian while looking back terrified.

Prince Caspian rode both of them into the woods until Destrier kicked off his back. Them on the ground now, they immediately started to get surrounded by two dwarfs, names Trumpkin and Nikabrik and a badger, Trufflehunter. Trumpkin would be taken in by the Telmarines while Caspian would blow Queen Susans old horn, given to him by Cornelius. Later they were both sleeping in the little home of the badger and the black dwarf, which was in fact, the inside of a tree.

Y/N already sat awake at the dining table with Trufflehunter and Nikabrik, all three waiting for Prince Caspian to wake up. She was a lovely girl, always smiling and always kind. She had a lot of things to be thankful for and although a lot of those things have now been taken away from her, she was still with Caspian and that was all she needed.

“This bread is so stale.” Said Nikabrik while tearing the bread into two halves, not giving the other half to Y/N. He didn’t like Y/N, it was nothing personal, she was one of them and that was reason enough.

“I’ll just give him some soup. He should be coming around soon.” Said a different voice, Trufflehunter. While the young prince had already woken up and was now silently walking in the direction the voices were coming from, was the badger giving Y/N some soup already. She nodded her head smiling and said, “thank you very much.”

“I don’t think I hit him hard enough,” replied Nikabrik and Y/N swallowed hastily, “I think that you shouldn’t talk so foul of the Prince while he is sleeping just in the same room as you are! Especially not in front of me!” She didn’t say it mean, arrogant or threatening.

“That is right and besides that, he is just a boy!” Replied Trufflehunter.

“He’s a Telmarine, not some lost puppy. You said you were gonna get rid of him.” Y/N, who had also just woken up a few minutes ago too, choked on her soup as she heard Nikabrik say that.

The badger looked softly at Y/N and then roughly back at Nikabrik, “No. I said I’d take care of him. We can’t kill him now. I just bandaged his head. It would be like murdering a guest!”

“How do you think his friends are treating their guest?” Nikabrik said while looking disgusted at Y/N.

“Trumpkin knew what he was doing, it’s not the boys fault or hers.” Just before Y/N could speak for herself, Prince Caspian jumped into the main ‘room’ grabbing one of the pokers by the fire and started to fight against Nikabrik.

“Hold it. No, no!” Yelled Trufflehunter.

“Your highness! They are Narnians, they are just trying to help!” Y/N said urgently, quickly getting up and extending her hands to calm Caspian down.

Both stopped fighting and Caspian looked at her with wide eyes. Nikabrik just scoffed and put his sword back. Y/N walked over to Caspian and he looked at her intensely waiting for a more in depth explanation. “Prince Caspian, this is Trufflehunter and this is Nikabrik. They helped us escape from your lord father’s soldiers, one was caught… but he will be alright, right?” She said looking around for an answer. “Right.” Said Trufflehunter who was now cleaning up the soup that was so sadly spilled all over the floor.

“Wait, hold on. Am I hearing this right? Prince? That disgusting piece of a man is your father then?” Said Nikabrik jumping up again holding out his sword but Prince Caspian defended himself immediately, “my uncle! And… he wants me dead.” Said Caspian now sadder than ever, having now realized in what kind of situation he really is.

Not shortly after, Prince Caspian and Y/N went out into the woods again looking for… well they didn’t really know themselves, more Narnians? In the hope for them to follow Caspian? To defeat Miraz?

“My lord!” Y/N yelled after Caspian while she was panting, hitting rocks and punching branches out of her way. “My lord please wait! I am not that fast, wearing a dress in the woods is not easy!” She said hopelessly but also slightly laughing at herself. Prince Caspian turns around and quickly runs up to her, helping her walking further extending an arm for her to hold on to it. Almost like he was her servant not the other way around.

“I really hope it’s gonna work.” Caspian said after a while, still walking close to his only friend. “My lord?” She looked at him questioning. Y/N, who unfortunately did not have the privilege of receiving the same education as the prince was visibly confused, she had no idea what he meant. “The horn Cornelius gave me. It’s supposed to help us, bring the four kings and queens back or… even Aslan.” Y/N only gasped at that and shook her head in disbelieve. She sincerely hoped that it was true but it seemed to far fetched to be real.

While they continued walking, they eventually noticed they were being followed by none other than Trufflehunter and Nikabrik. They later met Reepicheep, the bravest one foot tall mouse you’ll ever see in your living days. Soon they would talk to all the old Narnians and unite forces to fight against Miraz.

This time walking in the woods, Y/N found herself not only surrounded by Trufflehunter, Nikabrik and Prince Caspian. This time there were hundreds of other creatures with them and oddly enough, she had never felt safer in her life, in all those years in the castle than she did right now with bulls who could speak the same language as she did.

They continued walking until Caspian heard some footsteps, he extended an arm to symbolize for the others to stop and wait while he walked further, just a few seconds later Y/N heard blades hitting against each other. Metal on metal, Caspian was fighting and he was fighting someone skilled.

Y/N started running with the others, eager to help their hopefully soon to be king. When Y/N arrived in the heart of the forest, the weirdest thing happened. She saw four people she’d never seen before but one caught her eye specifically. The boy with the blue cloth and dark hair, he stood beside two girls, one seemingly younger and the other one older than him. Edmund the Just, she thought. Now having talked and laughed with the other creatures nights before, she now knew a lot more about the legends of old and she immediately saw. She kept starring at him until he eventually realized someone was watching him, their eyes met and he just looked at her. His gaze was hard to describe, he looked at her interested, fascinated even.

After first complications they followed Prince Caspian to Aslans Tomb. Days and days of planning and fighting followed, them getting into the castle, Caspian having a mental break down because of his father, High King Peter being helpless for losing so many soldiers and friends, things didn’t look too well and Y/N hated herself that she couldn’t do anything to help.

She was just on the edge of the forest collecting mushrooms and different kinds of herbs. She was so busy aggressively pulling out random weeds at this point that she didn’t even hear footsteps appearing behind her.

“You don’t look very happy.” A male voice said and without turning around, checking who it might have been she just answered.

“No. I. Am. Great,” she huffed pulling more and more after each word.

“Are you sure? Because you are killing the meadow…” The male voice replied and something happened Y/N really didn’t intend to happen. She pushed all her rage and anger at the poor man who was trying to comfort her.

“Listen, why don’t you just leave me alone and play swords like the other wanna be soldiers? I am sick and tired of you men trying to control everyone just because you are men! Your decisions have brought us nothing but misery and just because I am a woman doesn’t mean I am weak or less smart than any of you! So how about you fuck. Off!” She said while standing up and angrily turning around in the last part.

Her heart, soul and brain died at this exact moment at this exact spot.

In front of her stood King Edmund, the handsome young man she had liked since the day they met. They had not really spoken to each other yet so she couldn’t have known it was him. She clasped her mouth with both her hands while her eyes almost fell out. She didn’t know what to say and she hoped if she just stood still long enough, she would turn invisible and he’d leave.

That did in fact not happen.

Edmund stood there eyes almost as wide as hers. If you had talked to Edmund that way five years ago he would have yelled at you and made you hate yourself and your life, if you had talked to Edmund that way five years ago and you were a guy he would have probably thrown a punch at you right here right now.

But, judging by the fact that right now is not two years ago and that the person in front of him was not a random guy but a very beautiful, hardworking and usually lovely girl that he very much liked, he just nodded and said, “right, sorry to bother you.” With that he walked away. Well, until Y/N reached for his arm, not because she had anything to say, it was more of a reflex. He looked down his arm and then turned a little to look at her. She just looked at him like a fish who didn’t have enough water.

“I- I- I- I- I AM SO SORRY, I DIDN’T MEAN TO SAY ANY OF THAT. I MEAN I DID MEAN TO SAY ALL OF IT ACTUALLY BUT NOT TO YOU KING EDMUND I AM SO SORRY. I STEPPED OUT OF LINE WAY TO MUCH, EXECUTE ME, PUNISH ME, DO WHATEVER YOU WANT WITH ME I DESERVE IT. BANISHED? DONE I’LL PACK MY THINGS RIGHT AWAY. I’LL PULL THE ROPE AROUND MY OWN THROAT UNLESS YOU’D LIKE TO DO IT YOURSELF OF COURSE. I AM SO SORRY KING EDMUND PLEASE DON’T HATE ME.”

With every word she slid down more and more being on her knees and then holding on to Edmunds legs while crying bitterly. She didn’t even stop there but I’ll spare you the rest. Edmund just looked at her with wide eyes but he caught himself pretty quickly.

While she was still mumbling apologies and ways how he could kill her or probably send her to hell, he just grabbed her shoulders and pulled her up so she was standing in front of him. He smiled at her but didn’t let go of her shoulders. “Y/N, right?” He asked softly and she nodded while wiping away her many, many tears. “Good. Listen to me, I will not kill, banish or punish you in ANY way. We are ALL on edge and I forgive you.” He said very slowly and clearly so she would understand.

She nodded, “so the guillotine? I’ll get it.” She started to walk in whatever direction because to be completely honest with you, they didn’t have a guillotine.

“No no no no, no, not the guillotine.” He said reaching after her. “NO. KILLING. Understood?” He tried explaining again. Y/N looked confused at him with her tears building up again, “but I said- I said-” “Yes, I know what you said. But it doesn't matter, it is alright okay? Don’t worry about it. We all make mistakes,” then he looked a little hurt, like he remembered something from his past, “and we deserve a second chance as long as we acknowledge that mistake. Okay?”

Y/N nodded. “Good. Would it be okay for you if you took your basket and helped cooking for dinner? I have to practice with the others and some of those mushrooms look delicious.” He said smiling and with that Y/N completely snapped out of it. “Mushrooms, dinner, food, of course! Would I be okay?! That is my job! Sword practice of course how could I be so stupid, pardon me King Edmund. I should really go, cook and stuff like that.” She grabbed her basket and basically ran away from him, he just looked after her smiling to himself.

Later after dinner, Y/N sat further away from the bonfire holding herself comforting, thinking about today. Caspian walked over to her and sat down beside her, she didn’t even greet him, that’s how bad she was feeling.

“So… you’d like to yell at me too or is that a thing between you and King Edmund?” He said laughing while drinking some wine and she looked at him shocked. “How did you? Did he tell you-” “I haven’t really spoken to him but, you were crying and yelling in the middle of our base, basically. You think no one heard?” He said with one eyebrow lifted and Y/N just let her head fall into her hands. “I am an idiot and I suck.”

Caspian just nodded, “yes, do I want to know what happened?” With her head still hiding in her hands she just shook her head and Prince Caspian let it go.

The next day was horrible. Y/N was too embarrassed to look at anyone so she left early into the woods, or so she planned. On the way outside she heard Prince Caspian yelling after her, “Y/N! Y/N! Hold up!” She sighed sadly and turned around with a trained smile. “My lord?” “Yeah yeah, I have a little quest for you, nothing major. High King Peter will duel my uncle but someone has to bring him the message. … will do it, being accompanied by a giant, a centaurs and you.” He said kind of mumbling the first person.

“A giant, a centaurs and what will go with us?” She asked stretching her neck a little so she would understand better.

“ing Edmns…” he said mumbling again.

“Sorry, what?” She asked again walking even closer to Prince Caspian. “King Edmund.” He said hiding his smile, of course it was King Edmund.

---

“I, Peter, by the gift of Aslan, by election and by conquest, High King of Narnia, Lord of Cair Paravel and emperor of the Lone Islands, in order to prevent the abominable effusion of blood, do hereby challenge the usurper Miraz to single combat upon the field of battle. The fight shall be to the death. The reward shall be total surrender.” King Edmund read all of this off his scroll in front of Miraz and the other lords. Y/N stood a little in the back not too far from Lord Glozelle. While Edmund rolled his scroll back up, Miraz started talking.

“Tell me, Prince Edmund…”

“King.” Edmund interrupted and Y/N smirked at his remark.

“Pardon me?” Lord Miraz asked with a startled look on his face.

Edmund looked up from his scroll, “it’s ‘King Edmund,’ actually. Just ‘King,’ though. Peter’s the High King. I know, it’s confusing.”

Lord Miraz and Lord Sopespian looked at each other puzzled.

“Why, would we risk such a proposal when our armies could wipe you out by nightfall?” Miraz asked.

Edmund looked at the lords as he studied their faces, “haven’t you already underestimated our numbers? I mean, only a week ago Narnians were extinct.”

“And so you will be again.”

“Well then you should have little to fear.”

At that Miraz laughed out loud. “This is not a question of bravery.”

“So you’re bravely refusing to fight a swordsman half your age?”

Y/N turned around so her wide smile wouldn’t show. Lord Mirazs smile on the other hand faded instantly as he leaned forwards in his chair. “I didn’t say I refused.”

With a lot of talk and arguing, it was decided that they would fight each other. On their way back, the giant and centaurs in the back and Edmund and Y/N in the front, they started talking. “First of all I want to deeply apologies again for how I behaved the other day King Edmund I shouldn’t have-” but before she could finish her sentence he held out a hand and shook his head smiling. She smiled back and started a new topic, “I just wanted to say, the way you talked to these lords was incredible. I have never seen such courage before especially at your age, although I probably shouldn’t say that.” “My age?” He looked at her amused and she blushed a little, “you know, judging you are like… 15?” At that Edmund laughed out loud and she looked at him confused. “Did I say something funny?” Edmund shook his head still laughing, “no, no you didn’t. It’s just that I am 17 and technically I am 32.”

(My math goes like this: LWW Edmund is 12. I aged them up so that instead of waiting one year to go back they waited five, because. Anyways, 12 plus 5 is obviously 17 plus the 15 years they spent in Narnia before going back the first time.)

“You are older than me? I will be 17 in only two months…” she said surprised and he looked at her still amused.

“Y/N” he said. She looked at him questioning. “Would you like me to teach you some swords ‘play’?” She cringed at the word ‘play’ remembering their earlier encounter with each other. “It would be an honor your highness.”

---

“Just try to hit me, don’t worry too much.” And with these words Y/N swung her practice sword as hard as she could at Edmund, him not having imagined her to hit as hard as she did, he almost lost balance defending himself.

“Wow wow easy, alright, you almost killed me.”

“I am sorry but you said to hit! And not to worry!” She exclaimed straightening herself.

“Yes but this time maybe a little less force okay? You are very good but you’re wasting too much energy on one swing.”

She nodded and got into position but he looked at her feet and shook his head. “That’s not it, you have to-, wait let me help.” He went over to hit her feet softly with his so she would stand steadier. “Also you have to hold the sword a little higher.” He took her arm from behind and pushed it upwards. His gaze then slowly went to hers. They were incredibly close to each other, noses almost touching.

“EDMUND!” Peter yelled from the inside of their base. “We have to talk about tomorrow, come on!”

Edmund just kept looking at Y/N and yelled back, “Yes Pete! On my way!” He kept looking at Y/N for a few more seconds, then he slightly bowed and turned around to get to Peter.

Y/Ns legs became weak and she dramatically fell to the ground, her head red and hands sweaty. “I am done.”

Done, was also King Peter way later after he fought Miraz, after Caspian couldn’t kill his uncle and after the war was over. Y/N had been fighting very well, she was scared but determent to help and so she was a great fighter. After meeting Aslan she felt great, they had won and the Narnians were free again. It was time to celebrate, dance and be happy. Everyone was in the new conquered castle, drinking, singing, eating and confessing.

One confession should be especially interesting for you, dear reader.

---

“Your Majesty, can I speak to you for a second?” Y/N said after walking over to the big table where all the old and new, kings and queens of Narnia sat. Edmund looked at Peter and he nodded with a smile. Edmund and Y/N walked out of the main hall to a more quiet place. They walked down the hallway and Y/N suddenly stopped which made Edmund stop too.

“I wanted to tell you something…” she said looking at him nervously. “I don’t expect you to say it back, I don’t even expect you to answer me at all but I have to get this off my chest.”

She was fidgeting with her fingers looking down at them, she was extremely nervous but she had to tell him how she felt.

“I… well, I- the first time I saw you, I was extremely fascinated by you. You were just… incredibly handsome but that’s not all obviously! Over the last weeks I have thought about the way you think and the way you talk and I love all of it. The way you express yourself is so beautiful and the way you care about your family really made me realize how must I love you. I love you King Edmund and an awful lot of that too, it is so much love that it almost hurts and I can hardly breath. There are no words in this world to describe my love for you… I’d probably have to invent another language just to slightly express how I feel.”

She had now looked up at him and her tears started building up, not because she was scared of sad. It was because all of her emotions were too much to be held in her body, she was overwhelmed and to be honest after all that happened she was very happy to let it out. Edmunds expression was evident, he was smiling one ear to another and with that he hugged the girl in front of him tightly and laughed, “I love you too, I love you, I love you, I love you so much.”

Y/N laughed and cried more into Edmunds shoulder while she hugged him as if her life depended on it. They looked at each other and without another word they kissed both smiling and as happy as one could be. As Y/N wanted to break the kiss, was Edmund just leaning in more and more pecking her lips not wanting to let her go and she laughed even more pecking his lips back. Their foreheads rested on each other and he whispered, “I love you.”

“Ew.” Came a voice from beside them around the corner, it was now King Caspian and Queen Susan who had just gone for a little walk around the castle. Y/N eyes widened as she let go of Edmund, not immediately or hastily. “King Caspian,” Edmund said smiling nodding his head while still holding on to Y/Ns hands and Caspian nodded back smiling, “King Edmund.” They smiled at each other while Susan cocked up an eyebrow looking at Y/N questioning but she just shook her head slightly confused.

“I think we should leave them alone, don’t you?” Caspian asked Susan as they were turning back to where they came from. Susan nodded, “I wasn’t planning on seeing this as it is.”

---

The next morning everyone met up to send the people who did not want to live the new way, to the old place where the old kings and queens of Narnia lived also. After Lord Glozelle and Caspians aunt left with his cousin, the people got suspicious.

“HOW DO WE KNOW HE IS NOT LEADING US TO OUR DEATH?” One shouted and the others agreed, Y/N stood in the front close to Edmund and she looked worried at him but he gave her a reassuring smile just as she had done to Prince Caspian at the beginning of this story.

“Sire. If my example can be of any service, I will take 11 mice through with no delay.” Reepicheep, the mouse, offered while talking to Aslan. But Aslan only looked at High King Peter and something very uncomfortable started to build up in Y/Ns stomach.

“We’ll go.” Peter said and Edmunds heart sank into the earth beneath him, “we will?”

Without further explanation Peter just walked up, “come on. Our time’s up.”

Y/Ns mind had already gone blank while the others were talking, they were saying that Peter and Susan were not needed in Narnia anymore and that Lucy and Edmund would return. While Susan went up to King Caspian and Peter and Lucy to Trumpkin, Edmund did go to Y/N holding her hands with his.

“I am so sorry… I had no idea this was, this was how it was going to be.” Edmund said with glossy eyes looking slightly down into the girls eyes and she looked back at him worried.

“I don’t want you to go.” She wanted to say so many things, so many more words but she couldn’t, her throat was tied.

He shook his head now tears flowing down his cheeks, “I don’t want to leave.”

Y/N turned forwards Aslan, “Aslan, couldn’t I go with them? You said everyone could choose to go or stay.”

Aslan smiled at her shaking his head softly, “I am afraid not dear one. Edmund and yourself have quite an important role in the future. Things must happen the way intended.”

Y/Ns looked so incredibly sad, it was hard to look at her without getting sad yourself. “Will I see him again then?”

Aslan smiled and nodded and Edmund and Y/N looked at each other hopeful.

Their foreheads rested against each others savoring their last moments together until next time.

“I love you,” he whispered, heart hurting. She closed her eyes as she whispered back, “I love you.”

Then they kissed each other before hugging as tightly as they could. Both of them crying and everyone feeling sorry for them, they parted. He was about to let go but she held onto his hand and he looked back.

Her eyes said: don’t go.

He turned around again and cupped one of her cheeks kissing her one last time, their salty tears being the last thing they tasted from each other before Edmund turned around again and with one last look at her over his shoulder, he left.

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sendme-2hell · 1 year

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The Lost Girls of Camp Forevermore - Kim Fu

Summary: A group of young girls at sleepaway camp get stranded in the woods by themselves in Canada (sound familiar?). The narrative alternates between what happened in the woods, and a vignette from each girl in their adult life.

Yellowjackets connection: This book is so spiritually similar to Yellowjackets it’s wild. The way that we see what happened in the woods and flash forward to the adults and how it affected them. The way that it's partially about the viciousness that comes out when girls are left alone. The way that hierarchies break down in the woods. I find myself thinking about this book while watching Yellowjackets.

Is it queer?: only a very little with one character in her adult life

My Brilliant Friend - Elena Ferrante

Summary: Elena and Lila are two intelligent girls growing up in poverty in 1950’s Naples. They have an obsessive and competitive relationship. Elena is able to get an education when Lila is not, and their paths diverge here. The entire four-part book series follows their relationship and distinct lives into late adulthood.

Yellowjackets Connection: My Brilliant Friend is about a lot more than just female friendship, class differences foremost. But obsessive homoerotic female friendships and their complications are front and center. The Neapolitan series follows Elena and Lila as they grow into adults and have their own children, so it shows young women and the adults they grow into. Also has themes of trauma, unreliable narrators, patriarchy, jealousy, ambitious women.

If you follow my tumblr you know I will connect anything to MBF but Yellowjackets writers did it for me in the show. They literally said Shauna/Jackie = Elena/Lila. If you don’t remember, this is when adult Shauna has dinner with Jackie’s mom who says she’s reading MBF and that the girls in the book remind her so much of Shauna and Jackie. She meant it as an insult to Shauna but it really is a great comparison. Especially since Lila and Elena def had something vaguely fruity going on (but also for other, spoilery reasons). Elena Ferrante is pretty much the go-to when it comes to writing about complicated female friendships so it is not a surprise that they reference it in the show. If you are obsessed with the Shauna/Jackie “friendship” this book series is for you!

Is it queer? if you consider Jackie and Shauna’s relationship to be queer then yes. There is a lot of subtext and in the later books a little more than subtext.

Cat’s Eye - Margaret Atwood

Summary: A painter returns to where she grew up and memories that she blocked out of a traumatic childhood friendship resurface.

Yellowjackets connection: Women thinking about their traumatic friendships! And how these affected them going forward in life. The girls in this are a little younger than Yellowjackets girls but I think it is still a foundational text about traumatic female friendships and unreliable narrators. I am absolutely a Margaret Atwood apologist so don’t come for me (or do. I love messages in my inbox)

Is it queer?: no ):

Big Swiss - Jen Beagin

Summary: Greta is a transcriber for a sex therapist where she learns all sorts of intimate details of his clients. She becomes obsessed with a client and even starts a sexual relationship with her! She does not disclose her prior knowledge of this woman so things get messy.

Fun fact for Killing Eve fans: It is going to be made into a series starring Jodie Comer!

Yellowjackets connection: This is the only book on this list that doesn’t really flash between old and young versions of a character (a bit at the end). Yet I think it deserves to be on this list because messy queer women and obsession and mental illness. Also now that I am thinking about it actually the main character does think about her childhood in the woods a bit...

Is it queer?: The main relationship is between two women and they have a lot of sex. So, yes!

Trust Exercise - Susan Choi

Summary: Don’t want to spoil any of the big reveals but it’s vaguely about highschool theatre kids and their unhealthy dynamic with their abusive theatre teacher. Trigger warnings for statutory rape and general predatory behavior.

Yellowjackets connection: The reason I put this on my list is because it is about women in high school going through trauma and their adult selves dealing with it. It is about the stories they tell themselves to cope. It is about unreliable narrators. It is about narrative and truth and figuring out what actually happened. The book will not tell you directly, you have to discover it yourself (or read a review that explains it).

Is it queer? no ):

#yellowjackets #book reccomendatons #book recs #queer books #queer book recs #my lists #listen you know i love a good book rec list and this has just been sitting in my HEAD #close followers of my blog are SHOCKED I brought up elena ferrante.SHOCKED #I do truly believe all yellowjackets fans who like to read should read the lost girls of camp forevermore since it is SO similar #the lost girls of camp forevermore #my brilliant friend #cat's eye #trust exercise #big swiss

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memes-saved-me · 2 years

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Interview With The Vampire AU piece for @harringroveweek

My favourite moment with my other favourite boys and a Billy kills Neil ficlet below the cut (TW: Mention of abuse, violence)

Billy let out a harsh laugh. Far too loud for its purpose but there was no one there to hear it apart from the terrified man pressed against the wall on the other side of the room. The same man who held Billy against many a wall throughout his life, his human life. Now, it was his turn. His turn to scare the man he once called his father, who he feared and begged for acceptance but now he saw him he truly was. A pathetic excuse for a man.

"Get out!" he demanded but his voice lost its volume as the vampire stepped closer ever so slightly. "Please."

"What was that?" Billy asked with a mocking shocked expression. "Begging are we?"

He shook his head as the grown man trembled, his legs weak but his fingers gripped tight around the fire iron in his hand but he seemed too scared to actually use it until Billy got close enough to attempt a swing. With a smile and a simple step to the left, he missed completely but stumbled sideways at the shock of his son being suddenly beside him.

Fumbling for purchase on his desk, he slipped and landed on the floor but continued to move back towards the door. Billy watched him with pure amusement as he listened to everything running through his mind.

"I would never hurt Susan or Maxine. Especially, Maxine but you?" he laughed just as he did before. "I've waited too long."

With little effort he moved too quick for the man he called father to see, appearing behind him to block the door before leaning down to grab his face with one hand and lift him to his feet with it. He held him there as he reached out to try and grab him which was of course a useless attempt until finally, he started to kick.

"Let...me...go," he groaned unable to open his mouth properly and so Billy did. He slumped back onto the floor but somehow he fell wrong and with a snap and a scream Neil Hargrove broke his left leg. "Why are you doing this?" he cried.

"Do you really need to ask?" Billy shook his head, his blond curls slipping forward from his shoulders. "Do you remember when I was seven and you slapped me so hard I fell down the stairs but instead of helping me up you left me there alone with a fractured wrist?" Billy asked kneeling down to lean into his face.

He didn't dare answer but his mind did and what Billy saw, his recollection of that moment made him sick to his stomach. The way he smiled at the sound of his cries for help, he still thought Billy deserved to be taught a lesson for what he had done but Neil couldn't even remember what that had been.

The vampire grabbed his hand and snapped it backwards until his fingernails were touching his arm. "I'd left a toy in the study," he said as the man howled in pain. "You can't even remember why you hurt me? Your own son?"

"Stop!"

"What about when I had stayed out a little too late?" he backhanded his father just hard enough to do damage but not enough to kill him. "Or when you saw me with Thomas in town getting all close?" Slap. "Who could forget when I dropped my knife at dinner?" Slap. "Oh and of course when I apparently let Maxine sneak out?"

He blinked before coughing blood right into Billy's face but to Neil's horror, he didn't flinch. No, instead he licked his lips and let his teeth extend as he smiled right into the face of his father who had almost lost his mind at this point. "You're...you're a monster."

"Like father, like son."

In one final attempt at escape, Neil reached for the fire iron he had abandoned moments ago and swung it at Billy's head but the vampire stopped his arm from even getting close. His fingers tightened until he dropped the poker and stared up at Billy. A silent moment began as Billy saw what he had done, the blood covering both of them as his nails cutting into his arm. Just as a wash of sympathy came over him he saw what his victim was thinking and it was far from what he was himself.

Some of his thoughts moved too quickly, intermingled with each other but there was one that he caught perfectly and it hit just the right nerve. "That Italian freak has ruined my son."

"I've been fucked by more men than you can even imagine. Men from all over the world who come to visit this city looking for fun and they found it," Billy grinned at the shock on his face. "It wasn't Stefano. I was ruined well before he arrived."

"You pervert," he spat more blood in his face.

Billy was already hungry and that final taste was enough to make his instincts kick in properly. To make him reach out and push his hand right through his father's stomach, making sure to watch it all in his eyes. Just before he could slip away, finally drop to the deepest point in the underbelly of hell itself he moved his tilted his head to the side and drank from his neck. Just enough until his heart gave out and his body went limp.

Stained with the blood of his own father, Billy closed the front door to his new home and thought of what would happen when Susan and Maxine return home from the theatre Billy had bought them tickets for. Would they connect it all or stay silent as the ownership of the Hargrove name and business fell into his hands? Something that he did not want in the slightest and planned to hand over to his sister the moment he could.

"Tesoro Mio!" the brunette vampire exclaimed rushing down the stairs to wrap his arms around Billy's waist. "Did you eat well tonight? You are a mess. I love it."

"I did it," he replied rather quiet.

"What?" Stefano smiled as he waited to know what he had done to result in such a bloody mess.

"I killed him," Billy let a smile slowly grow on his lips. "I killed my father."

The other vampire paused before letting out the most joyous of laughs. "Baciami!"

So, Billy did. He gripped Stefano tight and kissed him, the taste of the blood igniting once again as he melted into his companion in a way he never had before. A moment of true understanding meshed the two of them together as they smashed into the wall with such force the painting hanging above the stairs fell to the floor.

Suddenly he pulled away before lifting his hand to push a curl behind the blonde's ear and look deep into his eyes. "You never fail to surprise me, Billy."

Overwhelmed Billy kissed him again, this time pushing him away to tackle him onto the sofa in the next room and lean over him in the lamplight. "Ruin me," he breathed.

"With pleasure."

#I had to #I'm obsessed with it #harringrove #sillouette #edit #harringroveweek

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vintagetvstars · 13 days

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Bea Arthur Vs. Bea Benaderet

Propaganda

Bea Arthur - (Golden Girls, Maude) - Okay okay where do I even start!! Bea Arthur is incredibly attractive. She has a SUPER deep voice (stunning), a sort of regal, statuesque way of moving and talking, and she can kill you with a single piercing look. Like seriously. Her Looks have become a thing in both shows she plays a lead character in. Did I mention: TWO characters were *written for her*!! When she did Maude in 1972, she'd appeared on All in the Family as a side character and the people there loved her so much they went "this woman needs her own TV show". SO THEY WROTE IT. And made 6 seasons of it. That's how good she is. When the pilot for The Golden Girls was written, creator Susan Harris described the part that Bea would end up playing as a "Bea Arthur type" before they'd even cast her in the role. She was Jewish, she served as a typist and truck driver in the marines during WWII, she had a whole career off and on Broadway behind her by the time she started her career in television, and she was an ally to the gay community — there's even a shelter for homeless queer youth named after her. And did I mention her voice?? Because she can sing too!

Bea Benaderet - (The George Burns and Gracie Allen Show, Petticoat Junction, The Beverly Hillbillies) - she's so good in everything she's in. she was also a voice actress and did betty rubble in the flintstones and a lot of looney tunes!

Master Poll List of the Hot Vintage TV Ladies Bracket

Additional propaganda below the cut

Bea Arthur:

She was just so funny and compelling onscreen. She had great timing. And she was beautiful no matter what age and she was an incredibly LGBT+ ally.

I think it's a very common experience to start watching The Golden Girls and immediately develop a crush on Dorothy Zbornak - and it's not a coincidence. Between her statuesque figure, her regal poise, her sharp wit and her wonderful, deep voice, Bea Arthur brings so much to the table that it's impossible not to be head-over-heels in love with her from the very first moment she appears on screen. Career-wise, she's a legend of the small screen; she received the third most Emmy nominations for Lead Actress in a Comedy Series (an incredible 9!). Her guest appearance as Maude in All in the Family impressed both the public and the executives so much that they made a spin-off series *especially for her*. She led Maude - the sitcom - for six incredible seasons to critical and public acclaim, and this would already be enough to nominate her among the greats, but then - as the true queen she was - she went on to star into *another* legendary show, The Golden Girls, as *another* legendary character, Dorothy, and won another Emmy (as well as several nominations) for it, just because she could. As for her private life, she was known as a private, introverted person, who loved the simple things in life; all her fellow TV stars (including Angela Lansbury, who was a dear friend of hers) recall her as a kind, decent person and a wonderful professional, with impeccable work ethic and truly immaculate comedic timing. We do not support the military complex here, but we do support girlbosses winning, so let me just mention that she was one of the first women (ever!) to join the US marines; she was also a licensed medical technician. All in all - a legendary lady who definitely deserves your vote!

how many people can dress up as the Statue of Liberty and look this good?

have you ever seen a woman so beautiful you started crying

MOTHER

soft butch queen. Who else could rock a papillon like that?!?

1982 Bea Arthur - Fifty Percent.avi

youtube

Beatrice Arthur, Down in the Depths, 1980 TV

youtube

Bea Benaderet:

#BornOnThisDay: Bea Benaderet | #TheBeverlyHillbillies

youtube

#vintage tv stars poll #tv ladies 1 #bea benaderet #bea arthur #Youtube

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bengiyo · 5 months

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Theory of Love Rewatch Ep 8 Stray Thoughts

Last time, Khai began his bisexual awakening, and I gave the show points for handling the interior experience of that with a lot of honesty. I appreciate that no one is on Khai's side about going after Third, let alone Third. I like that Two especially doesn't want Khai messing with Third. I am glad that Third has been moving on with his life, and I like how now that we're outside of his head Third seems kind of aloof. I like that Khai's reputation is working against him as he tries to be serious about Third. Meanwhile, Bone is working on a big project with Paan and making eyes at her. We left at Khai being cast in Third's play as the jerk lead.

Ep.08 The Proposal

Third is actually so mean and I love it.

I also like that Third is annoyed by Khai hovering over him lately.

Khai tried to fuck with Un and Un said, "Pot-kettle-black, bitch."

LOL, even Shane is on team Let Third Be Into Someone Else.

It's kinda funny how most of this gang has no skill when it comes to people they actually like.

Okay, this car scene with every radio station playing some kind of sad song about heartbreak was funny.

They're getting some good resonance with Lynn. Her boyfriend got tired of her and she's wondering if she should change. Khai is also struggling with who he should be for Third.

I think White may have actually been in a fight before. His reactions to ministrations feel correct.

LOL. Bone said Un is way better than you, Khai. Get wrecked.

Un said, "What do you know of Third? Aren't you his best friend? Answer, quickly!!"

I feel no sympathy for Khai at all. He always tossed Third at girls he was done with and used him as a shield. He deserves no regard from Third after all the shit he pulled. He can't even handle girls he flirted with being annoyed with him.

Taking a nap while waiting for the file to export is so real.

Yes, Two, get that shot in at Khai for always dumping Third for girls.

I really like Gun's gait. He doesn't often adjust it for his characters.

I struggle to feel for Khai's heartache here, because he's hurt more people than just Third.

I'm so sick of this orange balcony as the transition shot.

Who are you jealous of here, Two?

Wow, is Khai going to actually tell Third he's quitting? That's better than his usual avoidance tactics.

So, Khai, you're saying you want to...Make It Right? You don't do that by kissing a sleeping person, especially one you've wronged.

Finally, Third gets mad. I've needed him to get mad. I needed him to go to the window, stick his head out, and yell, "I'm as mad as hell! And I'm not going to take this anymore!"

Good thing he wore that helmet!

Yes, montage of all the things Khai did to Third. I'm glad you're finally recognizing your shit even if you think this is the end.

In the words of Susan Ivanova, "All love is unrequited." I'm actually enjoying this part of the show a lot. Khai is so bad at this and can't stand that Third is inaccessible to him now. You don't know what you got till it's gone, and I am not feeling sympathy for this man child. I like that his bros give him shit constantly and never let up until he starts to break. Khai created the world around him with his callousness, and I'm enjoying seeing him grate against the other side of it. Ending on him sliding across pavement and getting torn up is an excellent choice, because our bodies are so fragile. It's good to illustrate how he thought he was immune to all of that on his beloved Charlie and all the ways he projected onto that only to see him dashed across the road as he thinks about his friend he never realized how much he loved until that friend cut him off.

As always, this rewatch is sponsored by @lurkingshan, with support from @waitmyturtles and @neuroticbookworm. Also tagging @twig-tea by request.

#Theory of Love #thai bl #bl series #Ben watches

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cavinginhisfvce · 1 year

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Little!Billy

Sweet Baby Billy gets the cuddles and affection he deserves.

Flurries of snow fell to the ground as Billy trudged up the walkway to Steve's house, the air was harsh when he breathed in.

He wasn't sure which hurt more, the sting of his steadily bruising ribs, or the cold, sharp intakes of breath. It didn't matter in the end, because everything just hurt, his body was alight with different aches on a good day.

Today wasn't a good day, the aches were replaced by searing pain, an unfortunate side effect of discussions with his father.

Neil was pissed at Billy because Susan gave Max permission to spend the weekend with her nerd squad. Despite having nothing to do with his step-mothers decision, Billy still found himself on the receiving end of Neil's anger. It was better him than her or Max, at least that's what he told himself as his dad rounded on him, swiftly knocking the air out of his body.

He was demanding Billy bring Max back home, however Billy had no intentions of doing so.

It didn't matter if Max came home today, or Sunday, because in the end; it was Billy who would end up bloody and broken, so he opted out of ruining her weekend and subsequently his own any further than Neil already had.

This meant he couldn't go home for the next few days as well, leaving him with nowhere to escape the storm that was rapidly picking up momentum.

There was one place, though. One place he was always welcomed, always safe.

This is what landed him at Steve's front door, his eye was swollen shut, the right side of his face aches and burns from where his father's wedding ring undoubtedly made a gash, if the dried blood on his jacket was any indication. He should've called first, or even texted.

Max and her friends were probably all in Harrington's den, playing that fucking fantasy game that she claimed was stupid, but he had found her learning more about in free time.

Any other time, Billy would've gone anywhere besides where Max was, especially with his face busted. Not to mention her nosy friends, but this time was different. He had nowhere else to go, not that he'd choose to be anywhere else.

When he finally gathered the courage to knock, the door swung open and revealed a smiling Steve Harrington, though said smile quickly dropped as he took in Billy's appearance, his warm hands reaching out to pull the younger boy into the familiar household.

Before the door had fully clicked shut, Billy was letting himself fall into Steve's embrace, a welcomed fog creeping into his mind as the other wrapped his arms around Billy.

"Hey, Sweet Boy...I've got you…" That was all it had taken for Billy to dissolve into a heap of silent tears, his face pressed into the crook of Steve's shoulder, as he breathed in his boyfriend’s comforting scent.

It didn't take a genius to figure out Billy's father hurt him again, Steve could feel the anger shimmering inside of him, but he forced it down in favor of comforting the boy in his arms.

Billy had all but molded their bodies together with a pained whimper, his face pressing into the crook of Steve's neck.

Soft sniffles could be heard as Steve guided the smaller boy to the couch, his body shaking from the cold or maybe something else; Steve couldn't pinpoint.

It had taken Billy a while, but his tears eventually subsided.

He was situated in Steve's lap, wrapped in a fuzzy throw blanket as the elder rubbed soothing circles along his back; burrowing closer, he hid his face in Steve's neck with a small whine.

A whine. Steve knew that meant Billy had dropped, which would explain why the blond was attempting to turn their two bodies into one. It wasn't unusual for Billy in his regular headspace, he just approached cuddling differently. In little space, Billy was quick to manhandle Steve to get the position he wanted, but outside of it, he would just stare at Steve until the elder boy got the hint.

"Hurts, Dada." Another whine left the boy, his fingers painfully curled into the fabric of the latter's shirt. Steve was quick to run a hand up the boy's back, softly cooing as he buried his nose into Billy's curls, "I know, baby. Can Daddy get up to get you some medicine?" Billy immediately shook his head hysterically, a small cry bubbling from his lips, "N-no, Daddy. C-can't leave Billy-Bee!"

Steve would gently shush Billy, his tone soft. "I'm not gonna go anywhere without you, Sweet Boy. You can always come with me." Billy looked up at Steve with watery eyes, his bottom lip wobbling, "B-Billy go wit' Daddy?"

Steve would hurriedly nod his head, and scoop Billy into his arms the moment his own feet hit the ground.

Billy's arms wrap around his Caregivers neck as he moves to bury his face in the crook of Steve's neck once more.

It wasn't the easiest task, but eventually Billy was cleaned up, all evidence of a run in with his father washed away by soft kisses to his nose and cheeks, and the sting of antiseptics. Obviously, his eye was still swollen, angry reds and purples covering smooth skin. His lip, while no longer bleeding, posed the all too real threat of opening back up.

It wasn't until he had Billy dressed in a pair of fuzzy pajama pants and an oversized sweater, his pacifier dangling dangerously from his lips, that the kids had finally trailed out the den to find Steve and demand food.

They found him rummaging through the freezer.

When Max's eyes landed on Billy, she immediately gasped and rushed over to him, her hand gently reaching out to cup his bruising cheek. His lack of resistance informed her that her brother had dropped, something she'd only witnessed twice since their parents had married. She didn't have a chance to speak before Billy was clinging to her, mindlessly nuzzling against her shoulder. "H-Hi, Maxie! D-daddy is makin' dinos!" To say Max was confused was an understatement, but she knew better than to let it show, if she'd learned anything about Littles in school, it was that their emotions were often a mess, and any signs of discomfort would weigh heavily on them. "Oh, really? Stevie knows how to make the best nuggets!" This had Billy nodding as he peered up at Max, his blue eyes wide and shining with an innocence she'd never known her abrasive older brother to have.

"N-not Stevie! D-daddy!" He spoke slowly, as if to emphasize that Max had called Steve by the wrong name, but a giggle followed his words. "He's your Daddy, Bubba. He's Stevie to us."

"Uh, what the fuck?" It was Mike who spoke, his confusion clear as day. Immediately Max whipped her head around to glare at him, her fiery locks all but slapping her in the face, "don't curse in front of him, idiot!"

At that, Billy giggled again, a finger pointed at Mike as he spoke, "i-idiot!" His smile after was so big, so warm, that neither Max nor Steve made any move to correct him, both in fact just let out a coo, ignoring the sounds of indignation from Mike.

The kids were all learning about Classification in school, though only Will had ever met a Little. His brother was a Little, but it wasn't often he saw him regressed. He was usually with Nancy.

They were all shocked to learn Billy Hargrove was a Little, but the shock wore off the moment Billy began doling out nicknames for his new 'Fwends".

Mike was Mickey, and when asked why the boy simply declared that he didn't like Mickey Mouse, and he didn't like Mike. Mike was upset, but quickly got over it when Billy gave him one of his nuggets.

Lucas was Lu-Lu. Billy seemed proud of himself for the name, especially when Lucas beamed at him, and reached over to high five him, stating the name fit him perfectly.

Dustin was Bunny, because he looked "'xactly like a Bunny! Jus' a Dust Bunny!" No one had the heart to tell him that dust bunnies didn't look like actual bunnies, especially with the way his blue eyes seemed to shine with something akin to pride.

Will was dubbed Bee-Bee, once Billy had learned they shared the same name and had then decided they needed a similar nickname.

Jane was simply Janey, but she had adored hearing the name from Billy, a lisp to his words when he called out to her.

Naturally, Max had become Maxie, but no one was surprised as he had yelled it upon seeing her.

Instead of returning to their game, everyone spilled into the living room, where Steve put on The Nightmare Before Christmas, and scooped Billy up into his arms, much to the displeasure of Dustin who had been curled up with Billy's head on his lap.

"Get your own Little, this one is mine." He punctuated his words by tightening his arms around Billy's waist.

"Don't be an ass, Steve! You see him this way all the time."

From his place on Steve's lap, Billy peered up at Dustin and gasped, "N-no say that, D-daddy is not ass!"

Steve was torn between scolding the boy for cursing, and praising him for his quick defense. He hadn't needed to do either before Max was ruffling Billy's hair, cooing her own praise, and Jane was gently reminding him he shouldn't use bad words.

Dustin silently apologized to both Steve and the regressed boy, the latter leaning over to hug him in acceptance.

It was clear that Billy was tactile in his headspace, which came as no surprise to The Party as they knew Billy's father wasn't the warmest person.

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mrsfrecklesmarauders · 10 months

Text

"So what exactly happened there, eh Sirius?"

Remus was furious. He had been in love with Sirius Black since he was ten years old. But this love wasn't easy or beautiful. Sometimes Sirius made Remus go crazy. So angry that he wanted to kill him. So angry he wanted to wrap his hands around his neck and... And... And bloody kiss him senseless. Fuck that gorgeous bastard with those puppy eyes.

"You couldn't just let it go, could you?" Remus snapped "You had to make everything about yourself. You couldn't stand that someone was actually flirting with me and not you for once?"

Sirius had been extremely rude with Emmeline. She hadn't done anything wrong. She was really cool in fact. One of the few girls that didn't fall for Sirius Black's charm. She was lucky. Fancying Sirius was a nightmare.

But no. Sirius couldn't stand it. Could he?

Remus wasn't into Emmeline. He was gay. And he couldn't get Sirius out of his mind. But he liked Emmeline. And it was the first time someone actually flirted with him. It felt nice. But Sirius had to ruin it.

"I find that girl really odd" Sirius snapped "Rumor has it she is always lying and inventing stories..."

Remus shook his head and clenched his teeth.

"Lads, let's just be reasonable. Okay?"

The worst part was that James and Peter had witnessed everything. And now they followed Remus and Sirius to their dorm and were very pendant of Remus' explosive mood. But he didn't care.

"I am just trying to take care of you, Moony"

How dare he use the nickname now. It made Remus weak.

"It is not your business who I hang out with or not, Sirius!"

Remus has raised his voice. Just a little.

"Remus..."

"No James" Remus snapped "He is awful with Lily too. And he was awful with Susan when Peter dated her... Apparently every girl who is not into him immediately deserves shame"

"That's not true!!" It was Sirius' turn to raise his voice.

"I just hate how you guys had become so stupid to go after girls like that. They are not worth it"

"You go after girls all the time!!"

James and Peter were looking between them like a tennis match.

"They are nothing serious" Sirius said "No one to take my time away from my friends and make me a fool"

"Sirius..." James tried "That's not..."

"Of course! I forgot the great Sirius Black is immune to love"

"I didn't say that!" Sirius yelled "You don't even like Emmeline, Moony. You are into blokes"

"That doesn't mean I cannot like her as a friend!"

"She clearly doesn't want to be your friend, Remus!"

"Jealous?" Remus snorted "You cannot stand that a cool and pretty girl isn't actually into you, ha?"

"I don't care! I don't fancy Emmeline"

"Then, why don't you admit that you are jealous because you would die to be with me?"

It came out without a filter. Remus underestimated the power of his anger. He had vomited the words without thinking. Well maybe kind of desperate that Sirius actually felt the same. And he was doing this out of jealousy.

But damn. Remus regretted it the second those words came out of his mouth. Especially when he saw how Sirius went pale. He seemed so disgusted by the idea that he was in shock.

Remus also remembered that James and Peter were actually there. And they had their mouths wide open.

"Blimey" Peter even murmured.

"I... I... I don't..."

Sirius' face was turning red, purple even. God, he was so ashamed. Remus had to end this.

He faked a laugh.

"But you won't do it because you are not gay" Remus felt his cheeks were on fire and he hoped his blush wasn't evident.

"And you are only doing this because it hurts your ego that Emmeline doesn't fancy you like everybody else"

Remus cleared his throat embarrassed. James had adopted his concerned face from before. Peter was trying not to laugh. But Sirius... Sirius was still red as a tomato, eyes wide fixed on the floor.

"I am going to have a fag downstairs" Remus said as quickly as he could "May I, Mr. Black?"

Sirius didn't answer. He was still in shock, blinking to the floor. He couldn't even stand the idea of being gay and into Remus. Even as a joke.

Remus tried not to think about it and he left the dorm as quickly as he could.

"Emmeline is nice, Pads" James told Sirius, as soon as Remus closed the door "You should apologize. Moony can be friends with other people"

Sirius didn't answer. But he swallowed loudly.

James sighed and walked to his bed unaware of the whirlwind in Sirius' mind. But Peter knew. Peter knew pretty well. He patted Sirius' shoulder and winked at him.

Sirius was still out of breath.

Remus only said it as a joke or because he was angry. But damn that was close. Sirius thought he had been caught. He had been trying to hide this stupid crush on Remus. Sirius had been acknowledging recently that his heart jumped wildy when Remus was around. That he had been observing Remus' lips, freckles, nose, eyelashes (actually everything about him) more than he should. More than a friend would. Sirius' eyes moved frantically searching for Remus when he was not around. Like he missed him. And Sirius smiled when he saw Remus walk into the room seconds later. He could breathe again.

Sirius had never felt this about any girl. About anyone really. What did this mean for him? He didn't know. Sirius had been so confused lately. Sirius had been avoiding the girls he used to snog and pretending he just wanted to have fun with his friends. But in reality, all Sirius could think when he was with a girl was how different she was from Remus. And how she wasn’t Moony. He closed his eyes and sometimes he pictured he was kissing Moony. And then he felt ashamed by it. So he stopped.

Sirius had gone crazy when he saw Emmeline flirting with Remus.

My Moony... He had thought.... I want him to be mine.

Sirius had never thought that much about Remus' interests. It was a surprise when Remus came out as gay a few months ago. And even though it was true, the possibility of him having a thing with Emmeline hurt him. Not only with Emmeline. With anyone that wasn't him.

Shit. Sirius was going mad. He had never had to hide a crush or his feelings before. He was so pathetic.

But Remus didn't want to be with him. He didn't feel the same.

Remus was too amazing for the mess that Sirius was. Remus probably wanted a bloke who was sure of himself, someone who knew if he fancied blokes before girls. Someone who would risk it all to be with him. Someone like his friend Grant for example. Shit, that thought made him really sad.

Sirius was Remus' messy friend. That was all. He would never see him as nothing else.

Sirius groaned openly, feeling really embarrassed. He dropped to his bed, burying his face on his pillow. Sirius wanted to be swallowed by earth. He wanted to go back to before he fancied his best friend. Because now it had become very complicated.

"Don't be dramatic, Padfoot" James tutted "Just swallow your stupid pride, okay handsome?"

"Mur... Mray..."

"Sorry, love?"

Sirius lied on his back.

"You're right" Sirius sighed loudly "I will apologize to Moony"

James smiled proud of his friend.

"Don't forget about Emmeline" Peter said from the bathroom door.

Sirius groaned again. Now rolling his eyes.

"Emmeline tomorrow..." Sirius pouted "Moony now"

"Good boy, Padfoot"

Sirius could feel James' smirk mocking him. Sirius did his best to roll out of bed. And walk out of the room without looking at his friends.

As Sirius climbed down the stairs, he started panicking. What the hell was he supposed to say to Remus? He didn't know how to not be obvious in front of him. Sirius had been acting stupid and nervous. Had he noticed something? It would be very embarrassing if Remus figured out his feelings. Sirius didn't know how to explain them yet. Not even to himself.

Like right now, when he saw Remus sitting by the window in The Common Room, Sirius' heart did a little flip. And he blushed. Maybe this was a bad idea.

"I am sorry, Moony" Sirius sighed, walking towards him. Remus noticed him "I acted like an idiot"

Remus turned to the window again.

"You only say that because you want a cig"

Sirius smiled.

"No. I am really sorry"

Sirius took a seat next to Remus.

"And I do want a cig"

Remus tried to hide his smile as he gave Sirius the pack. Sirius felt himself blushing as he rushed Remus' hand and he thanked the poor light.

"You can be friends with Vance if you want" Sirius said with the cigarette between his lips.

"Why don't you like her?"

Because Sirius was immensely jealous.

"I like her..." Sirius murmured with a pout "Well actually you were right" he sighed "I don't want The Marauders to crumble because of girls. Look what happened with The Beatles"

Remus laughed and Sirius' stare stayed on his throat moving accordingly.

"The Beatles didn't crumble because of Yoko" he said with a smile "There were a lot of things going on as well. Fights and all"

"My point exactly"

Remus tutted and giggled.

"I feel like I am losing James because of Evans" Sirius confessed "And Peter is going to find someone too... And you with Emmeline"

"Pads, I am gay!" Remus laughed "I don't fancy her"

Then fancy me. Sirius thought.

"You won't abandon me for her, eh Moony?"

Sirius' heart started beating fast. Fuck, Sirius wished he could control it.

Remus shook his head.

"I could never abandon you, Pads"

Sirius was momentarily out of breath while Remus kept smiling at him like that.

"So..." Remus started "This isn't about you having a crush on me?"

Something happened with his cigarette but Sirius began coughing like an idiot. But luckily with this excuse he could cover his embarrassing blush.

Remus laughed. That fucking bastard. He patted Sirius' back.

"Don't worry, asshole. I am joking"

Sirius decided to compose himself and act as if Remus' words hadn't affected him. He should stop joking about that. Remus kept laughing, that wanker.

Sirius took deep breaths to recompose himself. Remus kept smoking as if nothing happened.

"Remus..."

"Mmm?"

"You promise to tell me if you fancy a boy, yeah?"

Remus took a while to answer. Sirius held his breath until Remus spoke again.

"I promise, Pads. I will tell you"

#marauders #maraudersera #muggleau #marauders muggle au #sirius black #remus lupin #wolfstar #james potter #peter pettigrew #pinning wolfstar #jealous sirius black #emmeline vance

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