Pgs. 309 - 384
so there’s this guy.
he has an intro.
and
he’s pretty cool.
he’s so cool he has a shitty galaxy reflection in his shades.
his name is David and his room looks like this.
Dave’s room is the most kind of guy room ever, I can just feel his entire personality here, and I can also feel the “this dude has no parental guidance outside of an equally unorganized brother” energy.
Dave is just a hyperspecific Guy, a real type of Guy, he’s even described as liking obscure bands and shit, Hussie was airing something out when making him.
Anyway, these are your copies of the beta you received in the mail recently. You've labeled them with your name in BOLD RED PRINT to distinguish them from your BRO's copies, who labeled his in kind. Neither of you really gives a shit about this game or has any intention of playing it, but you'll be damned if you'll let that get in the way of your campaign of one-upmanship.
the Lalondes and Striders have a lot of parallels going on between each other with their dynamics and situations. 1 thing that sets them apart is that the perception of an insane mindgame rivalry seems to be more truthful on Dave’s end compared to Rose. Rose thinks that even a fucking fancy pillow is some kind of symbol of scorn and spite in the waterfall of irony and insincerity. while there’s not much seen out of Dave and Bro’s relationship on a normal day, the stupid ass stealth moves that Bro pulls out in order to get Dave’s goat really implies that there is a genuine absurd rivalry going.
also they’re just brothers. when there’s brothers in fiction, they either hate each other or like each other but still fuck with each other just for the sake of Being Brothers.
Dave: Bleat like a goat and piss on your turntable.
You would never consider allowing any fluid even remotely resembling urine to touch your beloved TURNTABLES. That would risk breaking them, and a world without the gift of your godly science just doesn't sound like a place you want any part of. While you're at it, you might as well wipe out human civilization with a meteor or something ridiculous like that which will probably never happen.
That sort of thing only happens in stupid idiot movies for stupid idiots.
You will however contemplate bleating like a goat for IRONICALLY HUMOROUS purposes at a later date.
Dave is so lame.
FUCKING APPLE JUICE BABY. YEAH LOVE THAT SHIT. TOP 3 FRUIT JUICES ON THE TIERLIST WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
he’s gonna say it, he’s gonna say the thing.
yeah this is the OS design I’m attached to the most, I grew up with Windows 7 which basically did everything Vista did but a bit more glassy, so this is up my fucking ally. look at those GRADIENTS, look at all that GLOSS, it’s so fucking good.
HE SAID IT.
I love Hussie’s fake UI I love it.
I also love Dave Strider’s blog, he said the n-word on it
not joking you can check for yourself.
FUCKING SWEET BRO AND HELLA JEFF YEAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
SBAHJ is so damn interesting because it’s the Homestuck thing that has the furthest reach out of the entire comic but at the same time people don’t even know it’s Homestuck.
true story: my 1st ever exposure to Homestuck without even knowing it was when I was like 12 years old and watched a fucking VanossGaming GMod video in which they played that masterpiece SBAHJ map.
seeing a giant shittily compressed texture that just said AIDS which spun around in a circle and fucking instantly killed anything it touched was literally formative for my sense of humor.
the backstory is also absolutely beautiful, imagine dropping your armature Gamer Webcomic™ on the Penny Arcade forums only for Future Homestuck Artist Andrew Hussie to come in and completely shit on your comic by turning it into the worst form of art you have ever seen which would then turn into its own popular comic.
I really like the utility of SBAHJ as an in-universe source of memes and in-jokes for all the kids to reference rather than forcing relevance by shoving in memes that were popular at the time. it really helps make Homestuck feel... not exactly timeless per say, but more relatable in way that supersedes generations.
I say this because I fucking know for a fact real ass memes come in later on in the comic and they get really fuckin annoying.
I would kill someone for a Midnight Crew adventure, you would not believe how far I would go for this to be real.
TT: In some cultures the persistent refusal of a lady's invitation to play a game with her would be a sign wanton disrespect.
TT: Either that, or flagrant homosexuality.
STOP JOKING ABOUT DAVE LIKING MEN YOU DO NOT KNOW OF THE FUTURE CONSEQUENCES IT HAS.
it is here where Dave and Rose immediately become the best fucking character dynamic ever.
TT: Sometimes I wonder how you are ever allowed to pay for meals in restaurants.
TT: It must be hard to keep a low profile when you're always overhearing awed voices whisper, "It's that guy who has a blog."
TG: seriously
TG: dudes be worshipping me left and right
TG: i cant hardly walk down the street without stepping over torsos of the prostrate
TT: Navigating the urban landscape I'm sure is difficult enough without an obstacle course of deferential flesh and skyward asses.
TT: Perhaps adapting the art of parkour to your unique environment would help?
TG: yeah!
TG: i mean damn
TG: like theres this scruffy little shit at my feet
TG: an orphan or something i dont know
TG: face flush on the pavement
TG: im like dude you listening for a stampede of buffalo or something?
TG: he braves a look at me then gives my shoe a little kiss and scurries the fuck off
TT: Heavy is the crown.
TG: yeah
TG: not kicking oliver twist in the fucking face every day is my gift to the world i guess
also the little "yeah!" he does in excitement of parkour before he corrects himself back to serious coolguy mode is fucking perfect.
aw what the fuck put that shit away.
Dave’s Phat Beat Machine may be a silly joke about shitty fucking DJ machines that have weird pre-made beats and sound effects but some of this shit slaps when you play them at the same time ngl. 11 and 12 together is really fuckin good.
also Captain Planet is in this flash.
maybe Dave is cool, no one else could catch and open that apple juice with such finesse.
this is a really great series of expressions, he is so mad. he can’t stop thinking about PISS.
HE’S SO MAD.
oh god.
oh god they’re here.
You glance at one of the many RADICAL PUPPETS in your BRO'S collection and nod in approval.
Is there anything not awesome about your BRO? No, you think not.
this is not cool this is very not cool.
why is the little man in the SHOWER, bro does not BATHE, he is made of WOOD.
he is simply having a terrible, terrible day.
why did he do this.
HOLY SHIT IT’S DAVE’S IRONIC SELF PORTRAIT.
this is why Dave’s sylladex shit is the best sylladex shit, sheer frustrating mathematics leading to renaming items into weird synonyms and yelling out shit to fucking send out swords.
LOOK AT HIM.
he changed his tune so fast, he went from imposing and about throw down to just...
:o
now how will he play the funny Sburb??? what will he do to get out of this situation- WIZARD.
GIANT, STONE, WIZARD.
girl is not having it.
it is here we get the entire downlow of this maddening mother-daughter relationship through the totally not biased eyes of Rose. I mean look at this shit:
Your mother clearly has no real affinity for these damnable things. She only collects them to spite you.
If anything, she finds them even more repellent than you do. She's just a committed woman.
A while ago you gave this as an ironic gift to your MOM for mother's day. You even customized it with a drink holder to support one of her ubiquitous ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES.
She "liked" the gift so much, she had it bronzed and put on this pedestal. She even left it plugged in so it can still be turned on now and then. But never to do any cleaning. It never leaves this display.
The PRETTY PRINCESS DOLL has been sitting there for months, ever since your mother got this abomination for your birthday as a totally PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE gesture.
You decided to make it much less abominable by knitting Her Majesty a new head and new arms. Now it brings a mischievous smile to your face whenever you walk by. Your mother hasn't removed the doll yet, and probably never will. She would never be the one to blink first.
This was a drawing you did of your cat JASPERS when you were younger, along with a poem about him. Your mother bought this ostentatious $15,000 frame for it, and had it welded to the door.
Using the colorful MAGNET LETTERS, you recently left a succinct message, which may or may not have been directed toward anyone in particular. But you couldn't find the letter W, so you just stuck two V's together.
Your mother then purchased a fresh pack of W's and left them there for your convenience.
Appreciative of the thoughtful gesture, you left her a sincere THANK YOU NOTE, which you had legally notarized, and then marked with a drop of blood.
But part of it was touching the floor, so your mother was kind enough to lift the lower portion of the document with a VELVET PILLOW.
this entire cavalcade of fucking overly professional stupidity really just symbolizes the daily Lalonde struggle. again, way more of an actual thing compared to the baking menace in Washington, Rose does not feel loved enough, she projects contempt onto every action of her mother, even if they’re completely genuine, who’s also literally an alcoholic. but at the same time, this is ridiculous. I can bet that the mere thought of any of this coming off as mean-spirited to Rose is just flying over Mom’s head because she’s too busy cleaning shit or getting drunk. she’s so sincerely nice but also too damn ignorant, while at the same time going completely overboard in every sense just because she can. “oh look at this!! my daughter’s very own drawing!!! it’s so nice!!! let me put it in an expensive frame and then weld it straight onto the fridge!!! :)))))” and then Rose sees this and just goes “SHREW!!! DAMNED SHREW!!!” meanwhile Mom’s just taking this as “oh she’s spelling words on the fridge!!! :))))) but she has no Ws..... :((((( I’ll buy some for her!!! that will satisfy her needs!!! :)))))” and I guess Rose takes a break from the absolute scorn she’s building up in her system to make the most polite ass note all like “Dearest Mother Lalonde, I thank thee for this humble present.” and notarizing it with BLOOD. of course this has to end with Mom walking in, seeing this note and going “how thoughtful!!!” and then sliding a god damn pillow just for the presentation.
it is my firm belief that the Lalondes are just kind of off the fucking wall inherently, literally all of them just do wacky shit like this without question.
fandom mischaracterizations are so frequent that they’re not even a surprise, but this concept of Rose being this completely serious and levelheaded girl who’s always moody and brooding and never puts up with stupid shit is something I cannot understand how anyone picked up from her. she has a sense of humor, a really damn good one, a lot of the comedy can be attributed to her dialogue. she’s not dead serious, she literally knits Lovecraft monsters in purple for goofs and does something like the above while no one is around. and in no possible way is she running on full logic and reasoning because she plays weird mind games with her mom and later on just goes insane and destroys shit for the hell of it. there really is more to Rose than just “goth = serious smart.”
a lot of this extends to Kanaya as well because I guess people just write the 2 of them as the same person, as we all know, couples can’t be together unless they completely overlap on the Venn diagram of their personalities, hobbies, and interests, but that’s for later.
AND THEN SHE PAYS FOR THE FUCKIN MAGNET. WHO DOES THIS.
MOTHER JUMPSCARE.
And of all things to be doing during a power outage. She's up to her IRONIC HOUSEWIFE routine again. That mop bucket doesn't even have any water in it! What an absolute madwoman.
I like how Rose calls this some kind of weird irony chore that no sane individual would do without a hint of joking, she really expects too much out of Mom. a real core part of this relationship is how Rose assumes that her mother is operating on the same high level thinking as her, when in reality she’s just doing actual housewife stuff genuinely. the bucket being empty is even part of Rose overthinking all of this, Mom’s using a Swiffer, she doesn’t need water, she just brought the bucket because it completes the housewife look.
I don’t know if that latter part was intentional or if Hussie just didn’t know how Swiffers worked.
NYOOM.
SICK TRICKS.
ah fuck.
the Strider household is such a very specific home aesthetic of “complete fucking disaster, the likes of which you have never seen, owned by 2 dudebros who like Eminem.” this visual style is so poignant that the best way Dave fixes a window is with straight black tape, how classy.
big fan of how everyone talking to Jade starts to smile, she just has that energy. I mean look at Dave, you see that single raised pixel? that’s him smiling! he’s got joy! and he’s so much more genuine when he’s talking to her too, she’s literally the one person in the friend group where he can drop the whole image of “I am so fucking Cool and Real and Awesome and Swag.” they play off of each other really damn well, no wonder DaveJade is a really big ship.
TG: say hi to your grand dad for me too ok
GG: ._.
GG: yes i guess an encounter with him is almost certain
GG: it is usually........
GG: intense!!!
TG: well yeah isnt it always with family
this is the non-embarrassing parallel to John talking about Dad with Rose. Dave’s probably thinking to himself, “ah yes, she too knows of the struggle of high octane anime fights in the middle of the house.” meanwhile Jade’s talking about yelling at a corpse.
also JADE KNOWS THE FUTURE??? HUHHHH???? HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE???????????
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Intro & Links!
link to all my social media: https://linktr.ee/ozokin1
(youtube, twitter, insta, etc..)
Hello!! I'm Ozo :o) im gonna be honest, the name "ozo" sounds silly but its my username is supposed to be a mixture of the name Ozolog + Bachikin (if you know where they're from, ur cool)
WHAT WILL YOU SEE IN THIS BLOG?
drawings !!!1 I make fan arts, doodles and comics of my interests and ocs. (Digital and traditional)
Honestly i'm slowly going back to my old interests I used to be obsessed with. Here are a few stuffz I like that u will see here !!!!!!1
INTERESTS
Animation Vs Animator/Minecraft, Marikin online 4, sonic the hedgehog, pokemon, Fancy Pants, Coryxkenshin, H20delirious (+the others) VanossGaming, Args/"myths", omori, jjba, undertale, bocchi the rock, Owl House, Colt 2, entry point, etc etc… (there’s really too much)
I also like dark fantasy, medieval, rpg games, rhythm games and more...Oh and I like cowboys n stuff
BLUE COLORED SENTENCE = IMPORTANT/FOCUSED ON
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if you like silly minecrafters i have a series for you: the purge smp!!
what’s the purge smp?
the purge smp was a minecraft smp that ran from january 2021 to around march 2021, it’s lifespan being short due to a loss of interest from some of those involved.
this smp, which was created by basicallyidowrk and fourzer0seven, had teams of three spend each week gathering resources and preparing their bases for the weekly purge, where any and all crime would be legal.
the purge would happen every friday and lasted for one hour (with the exception of the first week’s purge which lasted 2 hours). the only exception to this was the destruction of buildings at spawn that were granted immunity, such as the courthouse of schmeg. they also used proximity chat!
the teams (except one) had colored nametags and a few of them had team names, including:
pork patties (light green)- i am wildcat, daithi de nogla, terroriser
(orange) - moo snuckel, basicallyidowrk, fourzer0seven
team sickos (dark red) - chilledchaos, shubble, zeroroyalviking
(black) - petezahhutt, notmystic7, jtgily
bearfists and the other guy (white) - smii7y, kryozgaming, blarg
the crew (light blue) - kyrsp33dy, sidearms4reason, thedeluxe4
(yellow) - bigpuffer, elasticdroid, grizzy
(red) - kruzadar, taydertot, toastfps
(purple) - racingcatz, slackatk, azn_purefatal
(dark green) - iamtrevormay, miltontpike1 [also played a character called “schmeg”], legiqn_
(pink) - blakecissel, hitchariide, jorgesummertime
some recognizable mcyts that were involved are shubble and petezahhutt!
there were also guests on the server, who were not (or weren’t supposed to be) affiliated with any team. these people consist of vanossgaming (reporter for the purge smp; has an obvious bias for the pork patties) and noahj456 (might be wrong about noah, but i’m honestly not sure if he’s teamed with anyone or not)
my personal favorite pov is smii7y’s (who has two videos, one of the first day and the other being the first purge) but for a longer watch i’d reccomend wildcat’s pov!
there’s also this playlist that has a bunch of the purge smp videos and stream vods along with some clips, funny moments, and animatics from the smp :]
most of the members have made videos and streamed the purge smp! while some streams are still available (such as a few of nogla’s), others like pete’s i unfortunately haven’t been able to find anywhere
also, i plan to post the last three of smii7y’s purge smp vods somewhere (maybe youtube) since i saved them last year :D so i’ll post a link when i do that
if anyone has any questions about the server or anything i talked about, feel free to send a message to me or my inbox and i’ll answer it to the best of my ability!! :D
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