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nd-babblinggoblinfromthevoid · 6 days

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Seeing some other users pop up who also have pots, and reading their past and current struggles has inspired me to write a little about my experience. (From what I remember anyway.)

Just in case, tw/cw pregnancy loss is mentioned.

My symptoms started right smack at 13. I had always been slightly heat sensitive but not enough to really think about it. Then I turned 13 and it was like I was burning constantly. But also, even when I was hot, my extremities would still sometimes be ice cold.

I fainted in the shower, daily. I almost always felt it coming beforehand. The sudden dizziness and weakness. It was my normal routine to feel that, lie down, black out, wake up, then resume my shower. (Usually 5-15 minute black outs)

I knew something was wrong, but I was a young teen. My thoughts were "too scared to address it" and "I'm just being a baby" and "What doctor is gonna believe a teenager these days". So I suffered through it.

It was horrible. My teen years were riddled with unnoticed tachycardic episodes brushed off as "you're out of shape" and "just push past it". Meanwhile i felt like i was dying.

I know teenagers biologically need more rest, but i was chronically fatigued and of course, "lazy teenager" label got thrown at me constantly. I tried to stay active, productive, but it got harder and harder. (Not knowing I also struggled bcuz of audhd but that subject is touched on in a previous post.)

When I really branched out into life and into the workplace at 18/19, it hit me that this wasn't going away. This wasn't a weird teenage thing i was experiencing.

I could work, but was significantly more exhausted than my coworkers and the only one ever to stop a lot, Cool down, rest. Drove managers nuts because "you're too young to be this way" was said to me constantly.

Through a few job changes in my early twenties it got harder and harder to work. Exhaustion. Overheating. Tachycardia. I fainted at work idk how many times during a really bad streak.

On top of pots brain fog, I'm audhd (which i didnt know until mid-late twenties) so my brain just doesn't brain for me and all I had going for me were labor jobs. That's all i had. That's all i knew i could do.... and i was slowly becoming unable to do that.

I didnt push to see a cardiologist until i got pregnant with my first child. I was terrified. That pregnancy exacerbated my pots and i thought that pregnancy was going to kill me. If it didnt, then giving birth would. My resting hr was regularly in the 140s/150s and i was fainting/near fainting all the time.

But i saw a dick of a cardiologist who nearly immediately dismissed me as a hysterical pregnant woman who just had anxiety. Even in our first consult appointment he was already very not hiding the fact that he wasn't taking my concerns seriously. Even after I told him these symptoms weren't just popping up during pregnancy. That it'd been most of my life. (In one ear out the other let me tell you)

I suffered horribly through that pregnancy not knowing i also had pots so my heartrate and blood pressure were bonkers whenever i went to appointments, not knowing that i only had high bp bcuz they'd check it after I'd sat down in the lobby, stood up, then immediately sat down in a room. Which as y'all know fucks hr/bp and all that without being pregnant. But we didn't know. And the only dr I'd seen, dismissed me.

I thankfully got through the pregnancy and all was well. My symptoms went back to pre-pregnancy intensity. Life, a loss in between, and another full pregnancy happened. This time my pots didn't overly act up. I only struggled bcuz that baby was a biggg one.

After recovering from my 2nd birth i thought for months about everything. My health. My life with my kids. How i was sick of not having answers. Sick of how that first dr treated me. So i told my primary all of this and she sent me to the same heart institute, but a different dr.

NOW THIS DR LET ME TELL YOU.

From the GETGO the vibe was different. He listened. Talked with/to me not AT me. Actually listened with the intention of listening and absorbing the information, not listening with the intent to say whatever he was already wanting to say and just waiting until i stopped talking (like the previous dr)

He took me seriously. After info dumping my 16 years of suffering he was already ready to get testing done and scheduled and i nearly cried when he left the room because HE LISTENED HE TOOK ME SERIOUSLY.

I had my testing done (tilt and breathing) and he saw me for the followup but they hadnt gotten the results back so he pushed the dept for the results and one hour after that appointment, he called me and said basically "yea you failed the test almost immediately and your results were consistent through the whole thing so I'm proceeding with the diagnosis of pots"

He explained the basic no cure but you can try xyz to help and you need to listen to your body when it's having symptoms dont ignore it to your detriment. All that.

I hung up. And cried all evening/night. Happy tears. Tears of relief. I got my answer. I was listened to. I actually got through it. But also tears of grief. For the girl who suffered. For the young woman who thought she was gonna die during pregnancy/birth.

I'd had (and still slip into sometimes) a harsh mindset of self hate for years. Why am i so lazy. Why am i so weak. Pathetic. Etc. It just spiralled all the time and pots + audhd is a shitty mix and to be approaching 30, with answers I've wanted and needed for half of my life.... I just... uff da! It's a lot.

I was diagnosed February of this year. So it's still kind of fresh for me. I'm still trying to find what works for me officially to navigate it. But I definitely am trying to give myself grace for all the years I thought everything was my fault. Or that I just wasnt trying hard enough.

I'm sure I've missed some things but my memory of my life is really patchy from audhd and trauma. But I think this covers the bulk of it and feels good to info dump about life when, for most of it, I bottled everything.

#long post #sort of vent post #journal #experience #life #life with pots #pots experience #pots syndrome #pots and pregnancy #tw loss mentioned #cw loss mentioned

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minnichan · 11 months

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Got tagged by @greighish again :D

15 questions for 15 mutuals:

are you named after anyone? - nope but apparently all the younger kids on the maternal side of the family got named after me? we don’t really do generational names in vietnamese I think (my older cousins all have different names), but all the younger kids’ names start the same as mine.

when was the last time you cried? - probably during my rewatch of “lighting up the stars”? but actual cry was in january after 25h travel to vietnam and then all the stress got to me and I was annoyed at my family.

do you have any kids? - no, and I don’t want any. I’m slowly starting to look around for a hysterectomy now that I’m turning 30 soon and hopefully doctors are more open to doing that procedure on 30+ years old patients.

do you use sarcasm a lot? - rarely. my brain is too slow to come up with sarcasm.

what sports do you/have you played? - currently none. I tried some but never stuck with anything. swimming, yoga, kung fu, iaido, ice skating... I’m too tired after work to commit to any sports. I do want to look into martial arts in the future, most likely vovinam. the most I do now is playing just dance on the switch once every few weeks. also I want a VR gaming set for beat saber.

what’s the first thing you notice about people? - idk I don’t really pay attention to people lmao. wish I wouldn’t notice the smell of others, I feel like my nose is too sensitive.

eye color? - brown

scary movies or happy endings? - HE! I don’t really like to watch scary stuff.

any special talents? - none in particular I think?

where were you born? - Berlin

any hobbies? - karaoke, reading, translation (in theory, haven’t done that in a while...)

do you have any pets? - no, never wanted any. I can’t even take care of myself properly. also all the fur and poop? nah.

how tall are you? - 152 cm (4′11″).

favorite subject in school? - english because it was easy.

dream job? - I do not dream of labour. as a kid I wanted to be a scientist but seeing all of them at work just writing project and grant proposals, research papers, etc. I’m glad I didn’t go in that direction. working as a lab technician is enough, though I do hate working with chemicals... another childhood dream was editor but I don’t think reading for work would be fun. also I’m not good with analysing text. if we ever get unconditional basic income I’d be ok with any job as long as I don’t have to work more than 15h per week and I don’t have to get dirty.

Gonna tag a few folks this time, but no pressure! And anyone else feel free to do it too! @miss-ingno @asoftspotforangels @rizababe @mindfogger @the-marron

Template below:

15 questions for 15 mutuals:

are you named after anyone?

when was the last time you cried?

do you have any kids?

do you use sarcasm a lot?

what sports do you/have you played?

what’s the first thing you notice about people?

eye color?

scary movies or happy endings?

any special talents?

where were you born?

any hobbies?

do you have any pets?

how tall are you?

favorite subject in school?

dream job?

#going through my notifs and picking the 5 most recent mutuals lol #besides the ones I already know more about #also got tagged by miss-ingno for another thing which I'll do later #lunch break has been over since a while actually lmao #my posts

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donttalkaboutmemes · 2 years

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Lady and The Tramp (1955) Sentence Meme

Under the cut you will find 90+ sentences from 1955 version of Lady and The Tramp to use for your enjoyment!

1. “It’s for you, darling. Merry Christmas.”

2. “It’s the one I was admiring, isn’t it? Trimmed with ribbon?”

3. “What a perfectly beautiful little lady.”

4. “Are you sure she’ll be warm enough?”

5. “This is where you belong. Right here.”

6. “If we’re going to show her who’s master, we must be firm from the very beginning.”

7. “Remember. Just for tonight.”

8. “Have you noticed since we’ve had her, we see less and less of those disturbing headlines?”

9. “I just don’t know how we ever got along without her.”

10. “You know how sensitive he is about those things.”

11. “Dreaming of those bonny bygone days when he and his grandfather were tracking criminals through the swamps.”

12. “It’s time you knew the truth, lassie.”

13. “It shouldn’t have happened to a dog.”

14. “We must never let on that we know. It would break his poor heart.”

15. “Now there she is, a full-grown lady wearing the greatest honor man can bestow, the badge of faith and respectability.”

16. “As my grandpappy Ol’ Reliable used to say…don’t recollect if I’ve ever mentioned Ol’ Reliable before.”

17. “You know, darling, with her here I’d say life is quite complete.”

18. “I don’t imagine anything could ever take her place in our hearts.”

19. “Hiya, handsome. Come to join the party?”

20. “No time for wisecracks. I’ve gotta get out.”

21. “I’m tellin’ ya, the pressure’s really hot. Signs all over town.”

22. “I’ll bet they’ve got a lid on every trashcan and a fence around every tree.”

23. “I wonder what the leash and collar set does for excitement.”

24. “Well, I just can’t help worrying. After all, in your condition, alone here all day…”

25. “Remember, they’re only humans after all.”

26. “There comes a time in the life of all humans when…uh well as they put it…the birds and the bees.”

27. “She’s expecting a wee bairn.”

28. “They remember humans, but I’d say a mite smaller.”

29. “Home-wreckers, that’s what they are.”

30. “Look here! Who are you to barge in?”

31. “No human is that cruel.”

32. “Everybody knows a dogs best friend is his human.”

33. “You haven’t fallen for that old line, now have you?”

34. “We’ve no need for mongrels and their radical ideas.”

35. “A human heart has only so much room for love and affection.”

36. “When a baby moves in, the dog moves out.”

37. “There isn’t any way we can tell for sure what it’s going to be, is there?”

38. “I’ve never seen you look more beautiful.”

39. “I just can’t leave him. He’s still so small and helpless.”

40. “Come on. If he wakes up, we’ll never get away.”

41. “I feel so guilty deserting him like this.”

42. “Don’t worry, old girl. We’ll be back in a few days.”

43. “Oh that wicked animal! Attacking my poor, innocent angels!”

44. “I want a muzzle. A good, strong muzzle.”

45. “What are you doing on this side of the tracks?”

46. “That’s the angle.”

47. “I beg your pardon. Were you addressing me?”

48. “You’ll be tellin’ me next it was the dog that was whistlin’, eh?”

49. “Pull a knife on me, will ya! Tryin’ to assassinate me, are ya!”

50. “No, no, no. No use even asking them. They wouldn’t understand.”

51. “If anybody ever needed a muzzle, it’s him.”

52. “That’s what makes of tying yourself down to one family.”

53. “Haven’t you a family?”

54. “When you’re footloose and fancy free, you take nothing but the best.”

55. “This way. I have my own private entrance.”

56. “It’s morning. I should’ve been home hours ago.”

57. “You still believe in that ever faithful old dog trey routine?”

58. “Open up your eyes to what a dogs life can truly be.”

59. “There’s a great bit hunk of world down there with no fence around it, where two dogs can find adventure and excitement, and beyond those distant hills? Who knows what wonderful experiences.”

60. “It’s all ours for the taking.”

61. “It’s all ours? It sounds wonderful.”

62. “But who’d watch over the baby?”

63. “Not to change the subject, but uh, ever chase chickens?”

64. “Come on, kid. Start building some memories.”

65. “Blimey! A regular bloomin’ debutante!”

66. “Pipe the crown jewels she’s wearin’.”

67. “We was only havin’ a bit of sport, we was.”

68. “Can’t you see the poor kids scared enough?”

69. “Miserable being must find more miserable being.”

70. “That’s your passport to freedom, honey.”

71. “Now there’s a bloke who never gets caught.”

72. “No matter how tight a jam he’s in, that tramp always finds some way out.”

73. “He has an ever for a well-turned paw.”

74. “He never takes ‘em serious.”

75. “The poor champ grows careless.”

76. “You’re too nice a girl to be in this place.”

77. “I’ve never even considered matrimony.”

78. “No matter which of us she accepts, we’ll always be the best of friends.”

79. “Remember, not a word about her unfortunate experience.”

80. “Some of the finest people I ever tracked down were jail birds.”

81. “Neither of us is as young as we used to be.”

82. “Anything new in the kennel club set?”

83. “Looks like I’m the one in the doghouse.”

84. “If this person is annoying you, we’ll gladly throw the rascal out.”

85. “I thought you were right behind me! Honest!”

86. “Don’t ever mention that horrible place!”

87. “Who would ever harm a cute little trick like you?”

88. “I don’t need you to shelter and protect me.”

89. “If you grow careless, don’t blame me.”

90. “Couldn’t sleep a wink with that brute in the house.”

91. “If you want my advice, you’ll destroy that animal at once.”

92. “I was certain he was no good the moment I first laid eyes on him.”

93. “The scent. Follow the scent.”

94. “If you’ll just step into the parlor, I’ll see about refreshments.”

95. “No doubt about it. They’ve got their mothers eyes.”

96. “There is a bit of their father in ‘em.”

97. “There’ll be no living with him from now on.”

98. “You know, I clean forgot what it was he used to say.”

#ask meme #askbox meme #roleplaying meme #rp meme #sentence meme #disney meme #lady and the tramp

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narcissa-black-supermacy · 2 years

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re your post about the dif ways the blacks tried to meet/rebel against/avoid their families expectations and some of them were driven to insanity because of it:

as I’ve talked about a thousand times I hardcore hc sirius as bipolar and seeing as that kinda thing is inherited it’s v likely a lot of his family members had the same if not similar disorder, esp bc of inbreeding

so combining that with all you said in your post, I think it’s very easy for all of those pressures and terrible family ideals plus mental illness to push bella and walburga into insanity

and then that makes me think about narcissa and sirius specifically watching that. narcissa doing her best to follow the rules partly out of fear that not doing so would crush her. the hyper-strict control kids with mentally ill parents exert over their own lives. and then sirius also seeing that and being terrified he was going to end up like them - not just their morals and darkness, but their insanity. in my experience at least you’re always aware of that danger within you when you have a personality disorder, even if you can’t put it into words. I think he saw his mother, saw bella, and was scared of that happening to him, just as much as he wanted to get away from whatever level of abuse was directed towards him

*inhuman squealing* you are approaching very dangerous territory of subjects i am incapable being normal about

so like...this is purely headcanon area now, right? because i don't think it's actually possible to diagnose a fictional character, at least not with the little information we have. so. putting this out as a disclaimer.

i think that with the Blacks, they do have some kind of mental illness running in the family, more predominantly in women (like it can be clearly seen in Bellatrix or Walburga, pushed to the extreme by Azkaban for the first and grief over losing her sons and husband for the second), but also in men, which could include Sirius.

now... i don't want to say anything about diagnosis because i am not familiar enough with any mental illness except for PTSD. so it's foreign territory for me - i think this is where you could possibly provide some insight? whether it's the same illness (bdp) for them all, or it could be some different variants?

if we push off the assumption that the Wizarding World does not really deal with mental illness unless it's an extreme version of it (like the Longbottoms), especially in the 70's, then they are probably all undiagnosed either way, which makes it worse - it's something that's not acknowledged or talked about in their society, and when muggle borns try to bring that up, it's like a tabboo.

I think that Narcissa and Regulus (both being the younger, softer, more sensitive siblings) felt that on some kind of unconscious level – they never knew what it is and never knew to put a name to it, but they felt subconsciously that the occasional anger outbursts and episodes are more than them just being difficult, that they don’t really control it.

So unlike Sirius and Andromeda, who I think always took that as a personal attack and tried to stand up to that, I think Reg and Cissy took a quieter approach (don’t provoke the angry bear) and kind of circled around them like “yes mother you’re right he’s a disgrace, now give me that glass it’s your fourth for the day” and “I know Bella, we will show him later, I promise, let’s just go take a cold shower first alright love?”

so like...they know their behavior is wrong. and they want to help. but they don't know how to. and they don't know what's wrong. so they're stuck justifying their siblings/parents to everyone around them like "yeah i know it's fucked up but she doesn't mean it, she can't help it" and they don't know how to explain it, because they don't understand what it is, they just feel that something is wrong. so they can't bring themselves to leave no matter what.

and it's all just really heartbreaking.

and i think that maybe, when Andromeda married Ted (maybe his muggle parents were therapists, it's a hc i've been entertaining, which is why he's so calm and understanding and Andy is drawn to that), and after Sirius leaves, when he meets him, they talk and Ted is like... that has a name in the muggle world. it's treatable. there's nothing wrong with you.

and it's all just... a lot. i have some snippets here and there in my drafts exploring this. i would really love your input on this because you seem to be much more knowledgeable than me in this department.

#this is....i have so many thoughts about this #but i dont want to just put word vomit out there without thinking it over first #because its such a big topic #asks #mental health #the blacks

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waterfallswords · 10 months

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Name: Kadriye "Kaddy" Deniz

Age & Birthday: 21 years old, June 1st 2002

Gender/Pronouns: ciswoman she/her

Birthplace: Kilis, Turkey

Time in Atlanta: 15 years

Neighborhood: Center Hill

Association: Reapers

Occupation: Employee at Signal Wireless / Affiliate

Positive personality traits: Forgiving, Patient, Passionate

Negative personality traits: Sensitive, Petty, Proud

Faceclaim: Bahar Sahin

ABOUT

Kadriye was six years old when her family moved to the United States, settling in Atlanta with a small home in Center Hill. It was normal to not have much while growing up but there was a belief that being in America gave them all better opportunities. Kaddy not only saw her parents work hard to provide for them but also her brother and sister which made her eager to be able to do the same. She still puts a lot of pressure on herself to succeed and can seem like a perfectionist.

Having immigrant parents is not easy and Kadriye always felt the worry that she wasn't doing enough. Plus, she witnessed her brother, Taner, getting in trouble with the law because he wanted to provide extra money for them all. She was unaware that her brother and father had a difficult relationship as she was often protected from hearing any of the arguments, her sister taking her outside to distract her.

Kaddy wasn't the best student but she wasn't the worst, she excelled at things to do with technology and math more than any other subject. She also wanted to "be like the cool kids" and quickly befriended other Center Hill kids who were known to be trouble. Her parents were worried she was going to be similar to her brother, so Kadriye learned how to be secretive and self preserving. When she was fifteen she thought she was pregnant with her then boyfriend, Alfie. Even after discovering it was a false alarm, Kaddy didn't bother to tell any of her family.

She has many secrets about her life, that she smokes and has been drinking from a young age, sneaking out to parties long before she was legally able to drink. She's taken drugs, used fake I.D for clubs. It was called just being a kid in Center Hill but her parents wouldn't view it that way. She certainly hasn't told her sister about her work with the Reapers. Even Taner isn't happy that she wanted the extra money and began working at Signal Wireless, putting her technical knowledge to good use. She helps out by breaking and unlocking equipment and sometimes even hacking if it's needed.

#about.kadriye

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whimsicaldragonette · 1 year

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ARC Review: Kids' Nonfiction for April 2023 - Our Changing World Edition

*Summaries, Ratings, and Reviews for both books below the cut.

Evolution Under Pressure: How We Change Nature and How Nature Changes Us by Yolanda Ridge

Preorder

Add to Goodreads

Publication Date: April 25, 2023

Synopsis:

Immersive non-fiction with STEM and social justice themes that proves that the future of the environment is in our hands–and helps pave the way forward. Evolution isn’t just a thing of the past. It is happening right now, in every species across the world–and our influence on the future of the plants and animals around us is much bigger than we might think. A closer look at the science behind evolution shows how human behaviors like hunting, farming, and urban development have contributed to major physical changes in everything from rhinos to pigs to lizards. And these changes impact us in turn–triggering environmental shifts and contributing to climate change. The good news is there’s hope: by learning to see how everything is connected, we can weigh the consequences of our choices and help shape a world that works for plants, animals, and humans alike. Making connections across anthropology, biology, and ecology, award-winning author Yolanda Ridge takes an intersectional approach to a challenging topic–examining the factors that influence human behavior while looking forward to explain the changes we can make and the ethics of those choices. Profiles of young activists and innovators highlight the ways readers can contribute to restoring ecological balance, while vibrant illustrations by Dane Thibeault evoke the energy and beauty of the natural world we are working to preserve.

My Rating: ★★★★★

My Review:

This is an excellent introduction for kids age 8 and up to evolution and the way humans impact it and the planet. There is a lot of very good information here, and it is presented in a clear and easy-to-understand way. All of the information presented is vital to understanding our world and our place in it and very important for kids and teens to know. It provides specific examples of ways humans have altered the world and animals around us, predictions of what will happen if we continue to do so without thought for the consequences, and ideas for ways to mitigate the damage. It also provides just enough of the relevant science to give a deeper understanding of each point. It runs the risk of being very depressing, but I think there is enough of a message of hope at the end to alleviate most of that. Definitely something to be aware of though, if your kid is sensitive (like mine). I will be reading it with him and helping to provide context, more information, and reassurance as we read. Topics tackled include urbanization, poaching, the rise of agriculture and industry, climate change, genetic modification and gene editing, and, of course, evolution and natural selection. This would be great as an introduction to the topics for elementary students (especially those who are interested in science) and a refresher for older students or to be taught alongside more in-depth material on the subject matter. It would also be great as an introduction for adults who are not well-versed in science. I just finished reading this to kiddo (8) as a break from the series we've been binge-re-reading at bedtime and he was VERY into it. We read it over the course of three nights. He listened, engrossed, each night and then chattered about what he had learned from it to me and his dad the next day. He has always been very into nonfiction, especially science books, and he loves animals, but I suspect many kids his age and a bit older would really enjoy this.

*Thanks to NetGalley and Annick Press for providing an early copy for review.

-----------

Climate Warriors: Fourteen Scientists and Fourteen Ways We Can Save Our Planet by Laura Gehl

Preorder

Add to Goodreads

Publication Date: April 4, 2023

Synopsis:

Who do you think of when you imagine a climate scientist? Maybe a biologist? Or a chemist? But economists study the climate too!

Meet fourteen different scientists who are working to solve the climate crisis and the surprising ways they are doing it. Along with explanations of different areas of science and the many ways scientists are working to save the climate, readers will find tips for how they too can work for change. Climate Warriors informs young readers and gives them the tools they need to make a difference.

Author and neuroscientist Laura Gehl introduces readers to these incredible scientists, the projects they are working on, and what inspired them to choose their fields of study. From ecology to civil engineering, computer modeling to food science, we have lots of ways to combat climate change. Along with explanations of different areas of science and climate solutions, find out what you can do to make a difference.

My Rating: ★★★★★

My Review:

Kiddo listened, engrossed, as we read this at bedtime. Whenever I paused to see if he was ready to put the book down and sleep he would say "Why are you hesitating? Read another one." Which, to me, says he was definitely enjoying it. It was great to read about what scientists from different disciplines are doing about climate change. There were many that you don't usually hear about, like economists. The text was written at a level my third grader could understand with minimal explanations and he definitely found it interesting. I also really liked the "what you can do" sections at the end of each chapter, with suggestions for what individuals and children can do to help with fighting climate change. The whole book felt very empowering. It was very much "yes, this is a major problem and an urgent one, but there is still a chance to change things" Kiddo says "I liked everything about it." I would definitely recommend this to all upper-elementary school students. Maybe 3rd grade and up. And younger students who are interested in science and have the vocabulary and background to understand the text. *Thanks to NetGalley and Millbrook Press for providing an early copy for review.

#arc review #netgalley #laura gehl #yolanda ridge #evolution #climate change #kids' books #kids' nonfiction #our changing world #evolution under pressure #climate warriors #shilo reads

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moohnshinescorner · 1 year

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Book details:

All Our Secrets

by Michelle Gross

Publication date: December 12th 2022

Genres: Adult, Contemporary, Romance, Suspense

Synopsis:

“Moments define us. A split-second decision can shape your future, and you don’t realize it until it’s too late.”

Peyton Johnson:

The day I meet my boyfriend’s best friend, King; my king disappears. Everything’s fine when my gaming friend fades away like smoke because Theo consumes me entirely. Theodore Johnson becomes my husband, and our life is beautiful until it isn’t.

Theo’s gone and all that’s left of him is the unborn child in my stomach.

Silas King: The day I meet my best friend’s girl, my heart recognizes her as my Peyton. I loved her first, but that doesn’t matter. Theo’s the only family I’d ever known and compared to him, I’m ugly and scarred. Peyton’s king disappears because Theo is everything I’m not. He will make her happy. I think that will be enough for me to let go, but it isn’t. Then he dies, leaving her behind…

Until he comes back and I’m the only one that can see him.

Theodore Johnson:

The day I meet Peyton; my life is complete. I want to give her the world, but life doesn’t always work out that way. Now, I’m fog, slipping through her life without her knowing. Silas is the only one that knows I’m here, but it doesn’t matter. He’s going to steal her away. I can’t let him.

I loved her first, and forever will.

A romantic standalone with a ghostly twist!

Goodreads

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/61138059-all-our-secrets

Purchase

:Amazon:

https://amzn.to/3XVWWHo

AUTHOR BIO:

Michelle is from a small town in Eastern Kentucky where possums try to blend in with the cats on the porch and bears are likely to chase your pets—this is very true, it happened with her sister’s dog. Despite the extra needed protection for your pets, she loves the mountains she calls home. She has a man and twin girls who are the light of her life and the reason she’s slightly crazy.

As a kid, she was that cousin, that friend, that sister and daughter, the talker who could spin a tale and make-believe into any little thing so it was no surprise when she found love in reading, and figured all these characters inside her head needed an outlet. They wanted to be heard, so she wrote.

The voices keep growing faster than she gets the time to write.

The stories are never going to end. That’s perfectly okay, though. We never want to stop an adventure.

She writes and loves many different genres so sign up to her mailing list to keep updated on her releases!

Author links:

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BOOK REVIEW ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

Wow what an emotional and heart wrenching story. The characters in this book go through so much turmoil and have some major emotional baggage to deal with. It all started with a video gamer named MoodyKing1. Silas King has finally got the nerve to meet his gamer friend face to face. But when his best friend shows up with her ... his Peyton, he denies what she knows is true. He is MoodyKing1. This moment in time changes everything and sets in motion a turn of events that is sure to make them all suffer dearly. This book really digs deep into the guilt of loving someone you cannot have, yet have to watch them fall in love with someone else. It has a lot of guilt and missed chances. It touches of the struggles of being a single mother and issues that mothers experience when bonding with their newborns. It shows how grief can put a lot of pressure on a person and the guilt they can carry around because of it. Overall this book is a really realistic story. It touches on very sensitive subjects that some may experience in their lives today. The struggles that grief can bring to a person. Also how sometimes allowing someone we care about to move forward without you and how it can bring a person to their knees. It has depth and complex characters. Be prepared for the hard truths and go into this with an open mind.

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fuqsketti · 3 years

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HI! i love ur richie fic like sm. I was wondering if u could do another richie tozier thing but headcanons of reader and him being the exact opposite? like she’s very shy n innocent and hes.. well you know, ty!

richie tozier x shy! reader

request!

——————————————————

-he doesn’t get you. that’s one things he’s certain of, your a mystery to him,

-but that’s what intrigues him the most.

-richies never liked school but if y/n l/n was a subject? he’d study her all night long.

-she was everything he wasn’t but she could never be anything he was, vice versa.

-y/n was a shy, sensitive, innocent looking girl, who quite literally looked like the pretty lil doll you put on a shelf, not to be played with, just to be looked at.

-richie on the other hand, was a loud, vulgar boy, who looked like he prayed to satan in his off time.

-two people who you would’ve never thought were compatible, working together so beautifully.

-the losers are always pointing out the unbalanced dynamic, teasing you two. but who can really blame them? after all, the possible loudest boy in the world, and the quietest girl in all of derry getting together?

-to them it didn’t make sense and they’d be quite right, getting you two together in the first place was nothing less than a struggle.

-you were sat together in your biology class, a new seating chart due to the class not being able to shutup.

-the moment richie saw you as his new seat buddy, he was all in. a pretty girl with a cool sense of style? he thought to thank the big man above.

-he slid in next to you, wearing a smug grin as he greeted you

“hey,”

...to which you just blushed and averted your eyes from him.

-confused by the lack of response, he tried again.

-however, still no response, rather just a nod of your head and another quick dismissal.

-he felt low key offended? sure, he’s had people not like his loud mouth but normally they would’ve just told him to shutup, but being ignored? he hated that.

-took him about 2 weeks to get you to speak to him, first words were after he had made a particularly crude joke to some kid who sat in front of you guys.

-“that’s so gross,” you whispered while laughing softly

-the way this boys whole being melted.

-once you talked to him once, you opened the floodgates, he would not leave you alone, he was always chatting you up in some way and didn’t care whenever the teacher told him to shut up.

^he would always get sent to the hall for talking out of turn, always giving you a puppy eyed pout then walking out.

-just talking in class then turned into him bothering you during passing periods then lunchtime, then after school-

-homie just wanted to be around you all the time.

-you ended up warming up to him eventually, nowhere near talkative, but enough to keep up conversations with him

-as your friend, he’s always pushing you to do new exciting things,

-he once convinced you to jokingly audition in the school play with him- long story short, you both got kicked out and are now not allowed to audition for any future plays.

-always getting you to speak up for yourself, he won’t do it for you...unless you realllyyy need it.

-he ended up asking you out, privately, knowing you don’t like all the attention and pressure of doing it publicly.

^he gave you a pink rose and a stuffed cow, then asked you :)

-he’s obsessed with you, in the loveliest way possible <3

-always wants to know where you are, what your doing, who your with, etc. LMAO

^yes this does lead to him having casual jealousy here and there but nothing too bad, he knows he’s your number one, so he normally doesn’t let petty stuff bother him.

-he’s always all up on you, despite your protests, he does not care if you get embarrassed- if he wants a kiss from you, you best believe he’s gonna get a kiss. if your next to him, your hand is in his, hell- he’s always cuddling you in some way. he’s possessive like that.

-sometimes (when you feel confident enough,) you will be the one to initiate touch and oh my god does he live for that shit. the way you nervously creep your hand onto his, too scared to just downright ask him- or when you guys hug and you hold on, even though he starts pulling away, nuzzling your head into his chest. he loves it. sometimes he will purposely not touch you, just so you do it yourself.

-you have your bad days, you get reclusive, you love being with richie don’t get me wrong, but sometimes you need space, you can’t handle his abrasive persona all the time

-sometimes he does go a bit too far, pushing you a lil too far out of your comfort zone causing a ‘silent fight’ as you would put it, silent treatment. and to be frank- he does not get it whatsoever, he doesn’t get why you hate speaking in front of the class, he doesn’t get why you hide your face in your hands, he doesn’t get why talking to people makes you so anxious, all it really does is confuse him.

-but then again, he’s the motormouth himself, he couldn’t even imagine being afraid to speak. so he just tries to learn, tries to understand you more and more every day. apologizing if he does push it a bit too far.

-even though you two are opposites, he still loves you with all his heart, as much as he pushes you out of your comfort zone- deep down he really does love your shyness, all your little antics and flaws, you’ll always be his adorable lil y/n <3

A/N

hiii, i hope i did okay? haha i don’t really write headcanon lists so please, feedback! haha hope you enjoyed <3

-fuqz

#richie tozier fanfiction #richie tozier imagine #richie tozier #richie tozier x reader #ben hanscom #bill denbrough #stanley uris #mike hanlon #beverly marsh #pennywise #it 2017 #it fandom #it fanfiction #it 2019 #it chapter two #it chapter one

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beigehearts · 3 years

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I actually really like this idea and have been thinking about it but was wondering if it was too- sensitive? But now that I know others want it I will write it. Please please please do not read this is you are sensitive to the subject.

TRIGGER WARNING CONTENT WARNING attempted s uicide, mentions of s uicide

Yandere Adult Trio when you try to commit s uicide drabbles

Hisoka

You were desperate to escape this sadistic and cruel kidnapper. He took you from your home, and into somewhere unknown. It took you a while to realize why he wanted you at all... The reason shook your entire being- he claimed that you were meant to be his. That no one else could have you because you belong to him, he is the only person capable of loving you. He has drilled this into your brain but you never let it stick.

Nothing has worked, you tried attacking him, pretending to be sick, escape attempts: it all ends up with you in pain. How can someone who claims to love you, and holds you so closely, hurt you in the ways he has. It’s hard to admit but he had to put a splint on your wrist, after breaking it when you tried to run.

There’s only one option left. You can’t make it out of here alive, so you won’t. the place he has you is very confusing, the door is locked, and you can only assume there is a hallway outside of it. But when you look out of the window, you can barely see the ground because of how high up you are. That’s your escape.

It’s a large window that you will have to pry open. Hisoka does leave you alone occasionally but also leaves no room for escape. Though you don’t think he’s factored in self sabotage.

You have no idea where he is, but the moment he left you ran to the window. You grip the edge with your fingers and pull as hard as you can. Your hands begin to go white against the pressure, until you here a tiny “click”. You go flying back when the window shoots open in front of you. This is your chance. And on the off chance you survive- you’ll figure something out.

The wind is blowing, and is quite chilly. When you step out on the slight edge of the outside wall, your heart begins to pound. It’s time.

Wind whistles in your ears and your heart is pounding so hard you wonder why it hasn’t popped out of your chest. For a moment it feels like you’re flying- and you feel peace at last. This was never how you expected to go out, but it will have to do. You close your eyes and accept your fate, falling so fastly that you look like a blur.

‘Glump’. You bounce upwards and all the air in your body is knocked out of you. You’re left hanging outside of the building, still unable to see the ground despite how long you had been falling. It feels as if someone is holding your leg, the rest of your body dangling upside down. Just barely you manage to crane your head upwards- you’re floating?

You take a closer look, at the window which you fell from, is Hisoka waving down at you as if you didn’t just jump off the building. There is no escape... There is no escape from this nightmare. You’re pulled upwards until Hisoka grabs your body with his hands and pulls you back through the window.

You’re gasping for air, shock setting into your body and leaving you shaking. He smiles down at you, and sets you down on the shared bed. “I didn’t think you would go that far my pet.”

His gaze is burning holes through your head, but you’re more worried about not hyperventilating. He sits down next to you, a smile still on his face. Before you know it, there is no chance of catching your breath. His hand is wrapped tightly around your throat and you let out a weak excuse for a gasp.

“Oh my sweet pet. Please don’t do that again. I might have to punish you, but I’ll let you off this once since you look so cute this way.”

Illumi (fem!reader)

You just can’t take it anymore. The torture that he calls training. The extreme punishments that have left you with scars. The promise that you will be the mother of his child. And if not, you are useless. Your back is covered in scars, all from whips and chains that he has used as ‘discipline’ even if you were doing as you were told. Eventually he said, “I love you. My wife to be. The future mother of my children. It is only natural that I try to make you be better.”

If his version of making you better is torture then that’s not happening. At this point you would rather die than endure what he has put you through. He is thorough in keeping the room you are in “baby proofed”. There’s not a single sharp corner, no sharp objects, and no weapons of any kind. The lights are implanted in the ceiling so it’s not like you could use a lamp for anything.

The thought of attacking him is out of the question. You must find something for yourself. Eventually you find something that might work. He brings in plastic plates for you to eat off of. You’re sure if you attacked him with a plate he would make you eat off of the floor. You already have to eat with your hands.

You take the plate and bend it until it cracks, and splits in half. You continue to break it up into small pieces until you have something resembling a triangle with two soft edges and one sharp. Luckily he gives you hard plastic plates and not styrofoam ones, he has some class it seems.

Might as well get comfortable. You put some pillows and blankets down on the soft carpet and make a small bed to lay on. You sit up and find that you’re shaking. Your hands are shaking- but that’s to be expected. You put the piece of plastic against your wrist, it’s cold.

Does this mean you’ll be reborn? Or is there nothing after this? Either way, it must be better than this. You imagine a beautiful field where the grass is as soft as pillows and the sun shines just enough for you to feel warmth. There’s nothing for miles except for grass and you. The grass is cushioning you, making it comfortable to lay. You close your eyes and begin to move your hand downwards. Get it over with.

You pull your arm up so you can make a quick motion downwards but before you can... A hand grabs your wrist holding the plastic so tightly that you hear it crack, and are forced to drop the plastic.

You open your eyes and look up at the man above you. His face continues to show no emotion, but the grip on your wrist does. He is very angry. He lifts you up by your wrist and you hear another loud crack and squeal out in pain. You’re face to face, he’s holding you above the ground so your feet don’t touch, but all the strain is on your one wrist. If it’s not dislocated and broken by now, it would be a miracle.

In his usual commanding but monotone voice he says, “I cannot allow anyone to hurt the future mother of my kids.” He drops you on the ground and your knees take all of the force. “Even if it is the mother herself.”

He huffs and pulls a needle from his shoulder, “I suppose I must control you until you are stable. Or until you can bare my child.”

Chrollo

Honestly it could be worst. Though being held against your will does take a large toll on you. You’re fed everyday and can bathe and can read whenever and whatever. It’s like free living, though prison is also rent free. He is always so soothing and kind, offering to do things for you, get things for you, make things for you. It really seems like he wants to make you happy.

He has been very honest and open with you. He claims he loves you and that he couldn’t let anyone else have a moment in the presence of your beauty. He seems normal until you realize you’ve been kidnapped. You wonder if you would have every suspected him to be crazy if you met him on the street. Truthfully, probably not.

There are probably people in the world who would be grateful for what you have even if it is completely and utterly against your will. But that’s not the full picture. He’s so kind and says such nice things to you. Until you upset him. He never hurts you, and he never touches you aggressively. His threats are what destroy you, his threats that are not empty.

One day you had pushed him away and told him to ‘fuck off’. He became very angry but continued to smile. He walked up to you real slowly and said in a calm voice “I’ll kill your ex and leave their corpse here.” He was not lying. The very next day when you woke up, there was the corpse of your ex. Laying on the floor, staining it with blood and what remains of their organs.

After setting that example he became more subtle. If you could even call it subtle. Whenever you upset or pissed him off, you might find a finger in a bowl, with a ring that you gave your friend on it. You had seen many dismembered body parts- but that’s when you learned to keep your silence and obey lest everyone you love die.

There’s one way out of here and it’s not by escaping. You ripped up some towels and tied them into a noose. Somehow it seemed like it would work.

You stand on the wooden chair, taking long deep breaths, accepting your fate. The makeshift rope hangs from the ceiling, you grab onto it and get ready to put your head through it. Right as you go to reach your head through, the chair underneath you buckles and you fall to the ground with a loud thud.

You feel strong arms wrap around you. How did he get here? When did he get here? He pulls you onto his lap and begins rocking you.

“Oh it looks like you’ve split the back of your head open.” He touches the back of your head and shows his bloodied hand to you as proof. “I had no idea you were feeling like this. You could have told me.”

He kisses your forehead gently but you already know that these actions will accompany something else.

“Unless you were trying to escape me.” He chuckles and holds you firmly against his chest. “Then we would have a problem, wouldn’t we?”

#chrollo #chrollo lucilfer #chrollo x reader #yandere chrollo #illumi #illumi zoldyck #illumi x reader #yandere illumi #hisoka #hisoka morrow #hisoka x reader #yandere hisoka #adult trio #adult trio x reader #yandere adult trio #hxh #hunter x hunter #phantom troupe

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i-did-not-mean-to · 2 years

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Can you write about toddler Leggy? Thranduil not able being able to find him and go looking all over Mirkwood, only to finally find them asleep on Thranduil’s throne, covered in his robes?

Hey hey...I am terrible when it comes to writing children!

(I have no kids, I want no kids, I don't even like kids...)

BUUUUT I've tried my best for you...

Solar eclipse

Words: 1 k

Warnings: kid, Thranduil having lowkey a panic attack, reference to grief

Cold – a perversely burning sensation – crept down Thranduil’s back like icy fingers scratching his failure into his pristine skin.

No, he couldn’t give in to this insidious feeling that tried to ensnare him like quicksand pulling him down inexorably; he would not let anything pin him down or trap him into motionless terror again.

“Legolas!” he called and, even to his own ears, his voice sounded strangled and shivering like the scream of a single leaf plucked off its stem before its time, “son, where are you?”

The king hastened his stride, the overwhelming pressure of barely contained fear giving his light steps wings as he swept up and down stairs and crossed patios wild-eyed; more than once, servants and subjects had to leap aside – with an uncharacteristic lack of grace – to avoid a bone-rattling collision with their sovereign ruler.

He could smell his own anxiety leaking through every pore of his body; it was a sickening, weakening, paralysing mist of fumes that made his heart race and his blood roar in his over-sensitive ears.

Legolas, he thought frantically, his youngest son, his blessed gift; he had lost his own baby boy.

Elflings were guarded jealously for their purity, their immeasurable value, but also for their fragility; they were like tender saplings that were reared carefully under starlight and constant supervision until their bark grew sturdy enough to withstand hail and storm.

This particular child had been granted to him like an unexpected – and probably undeserved – miracle, Thranduil knew, and his galloping pulse slowed to a sluggish crawl as his blood froze in his veins when he found the last of his son’s usual hiding places deserted as well.

What wonder and astonishment had blossomed in his chest when his late wife – light of his night sky and shadow of his burning days – had settled that tiny bundle of pure starlight in his weary arms.

Legolas was the new growth springing forth from a dead trunk; he was the winter blossom, pale and perfect; he was the river born of a dried-up source and Thranduil was terrified of being cheated or robbed of this benediction he called his own.

Looking down at his hands – balled into fists, white with tension, clawed around the torturous absence – helplessly, Thranduil retraced his steps slowly.

He had been waiting, ever observing the horizon for the next harbinger of doom, when Legolas had been born and – ever since – his doubts and secret fears had but redoubled in intensity and frequency, but – and what a momentous ‘but’ it was – Thranduil had also found his way back to the gifts of youth he had long put away with his first sword and his dented armour of days gone by.

For his son, he had endeavoured to come back to life; he had clawed his way back from the fossilised indifference of centuries of patience, he had cast off the eternal veil of grief piled onto his shoulders like so many heavy capes, and he had unclenched his teeth around words and desires that had run dry along with his tears when he had lost his beloved wife.

Legolas – star in the blackest of nights – had brought him back from the brink of slow oblivion by his unwavering faith and the sheer pristine light of a pure soul that shone through his eyes that were so much like Thranduil’s in colour and so much like his mother’s in their warm kindness.

Where Thranduil’s smile was cutting, Legolas’ was soothing; where Thranduil’s voice was thundering, Legolas’ was like the soft patter of summer rain; where Thranduil’s aura was hectoring, Legolas’ was inviting, and the king knew that the loss of his son – for no matter how short a time – would be akin to the darkening of the sun and the poisoning of the rain.

Whatever life he had wrung out of stone, built out of water, and hewn out of wind-swept clouds, Thranduil knew that he’d never be able to sustain the magic without his beloved son by his side.

A tiny sound made his ears twitch, and he nearly flew into the throne room where his robes lay – discarded carelessly – draped over the cold, empty throne.

And there he was, curled upon himself in a nest of fabric like the most exotic and frailest of paradise birds ever to grace the Greenwood Forest.

"Ada?" Legolas rubbed one eye with a narrow, elegant fist while blinking resolutely against the remnants of sleep that clung like cobwebs to the inside of his eyelids.

“Where have you been?” Thranduil gusted, harsher than intended, his chest seizing spasmodically with a mix of relief and afterpains, “I have been worried sick about you! You left your nursery…”

“I…” Legolas yawned, his huge blue eyes now trained innocently on his father’s face, “I wanted to come see you, but you weren’t here, so I decided to wait for you right where I was. You always say that – in case I get lost or I cannot find you – to stay where you can find me.”

“That is right,” Thranduil nodded, bundling up the small creature in his robes and swooping the whole package into his arms, “that was well done.”

Breathing in the smell of sleep and warm earth that emanated from the living warmth of his youngest offspring, Thranduil said a prayer of thanks – a rare occurrence – to the Valar for sparing him a tragedy he would not heal from.

“I am sorry that you were worried, Ada,” Legolas whispered, plunging his small hands into his father’s open hair and toying with the long, silken strands idly, “I’ve never meant to make you sad.”

“I am not,” Thranduil contradicted, rocking the boy slightly, “let’s get you to bed.”

He was lying, of course, but the heart-wrenching, blood-curdling, all-consuming sadness that came from loving another soul too much was a lesson far beyond the understanding of his precious baby son; he truly hoped that he could shield him from the terrible, helpless synthesis of rage, fear, and desperate longing for centuries and millennia to come.

Dearest anon, I hope this was okay for you :D

Thank you for submitting a request...Soon, I'll have to make a master list for the Elves as well LOL

😂😂😂

Honestly, I do not even know how we've gotten to the point where I write that many Leggy/Thrandy stories, but I lowkey live for it ❤️

Good night and all the best to you

I don't know who you are, but I hope you know that I think of you kindly ❤️‍🔥

#request #IDNMT does her best #Legolas #legolas greenleaf #Legolas & (not x) Thranduil #no incest here #GEN fic #very GEN #family bliss and such #and a kid #trolololol #I HC Thrandy as a good father #sue me

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bratz-kitten · 3 years

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attack on titan characters - birth chart analysis 🌙

Here is my take on the big 6 of Levi, Eren, Armin and Mikasa of attack on titan/shingeki no kyojin! I kept their sun signs since we know the day and month of their birthday and since I think they’re absolutely perfect. If you want me to do my take on the others (like Jean, Historia, Erwin, Hanji, Connie, Sasha, Reiner, etc) please let me know! (spoiler warning!)

Levi Ackerman

sun in capricorn - levi mf ackerman is fuelled by three things and three things only: LOYALTY, a strong moral code and power. he is seen by most people as a heartless, unemotional bastard but is canonically the most emotional character - he shows love through very indirect ways and he’s the peak of capricorn in the sense that he represses his emotions – he smiled literally ONE time in four seasons, and didn’t once shed a tear. he’s very hard to read. has a lot of respect for his superiors and follows the orders of only those he’s loyal to. he’s driven by his moral codes in the sense that the protection of humanity is his prime motive for fighting titans. like a true capricorn, is the master of his field of work and cares the most about being a survey corp member. please protect this tragic baby.

virgo rising - two words: CLEAN FREAK. this man has a strong need to be presentable at all times and hates getting blood on his hands for the single fact that he needs himself and his environment to be clean. his obsession with being clean is very much due to his childhood trauma and how he lived in in poor conditions in the underground. he has many quirks that correlate with this: the way he holds his cup, the carvat he uses bc of his mother, and the way he always cuts his own hair because that’s the way his mother used to do it. intimidating and demands respect. DRY HUMOUR.

moon in scorpio - i think he has many similarities with mikasa, especially in the moon and venus. introverted and hates people but will go to the ends of the earth to protect the ones he loves and respects. represses emotions and internalizes his hatred until he has a mental breakdown - which happens in the form of extreme violence. VERY sensitive and emotional even if he doesn’t show it. he’s very intuitive and often acts based on gut; he’s secretive and vindictive. very wise and great at giving advice. doesn’t let himself get manipulated and uses shitty situations to his advantage (like with the reeves company). trust is the most important thing to him.

mercury in aquarius - levi is extremely logical, and hates when others involve their feelings in the making of decisions. his decisions are always backed up by strong arguments and others often see him as cold and detached. i saw someone mention something extremely interesting about aquarius mercury’s/people with their mercuries in the 11th house: despite not being very sociable, others are drawn to them for friendships – and often they’re the introverts who get “adopted” by extroverts. this is 100% levi’s case, hanji and erwin practically adopted him. being very vulgar with his words and having a distinctive sense of humour, he’s very humanitarian and is actually really talkative but only when he’s very comfortable around someone. blunt, always tells it like it is – like when he tells eren he can’t know what the right choice really is and he needs to choose it himself. teases and insults his friends as a form of affection.

mars in scorpio - levi’s a fighter, a survivor. he knows what it’s like to come from nothing and have to build himself up. very confrontational. reclaims his power by exerting intimidation and mastering violence. others fear doing as much as make a joke at his expense. understands other’s motivations and characters very easily. he’s very intuitive. very serious due to his need for having an intense and demanding presence, for being respected and valued. he’s the one who everyone sighs of relief when things go to shit and he appears because you know he’s the strongest and most dependable person.

venus in capricorn - good luck getting this motherfucker to open up. his trust is very hard to gain but is necessary for working with him – he places his full trust in his comrades and demands the same from them. very work-oriented and takes relationships very serious; it’s really telling that he cares little for romance because capricorn venuses are the ones to date to marry, and will only devote themselves to someone once they believe they’ve met the one. they either want a more powerful and mature partner or they exude that energy (levi is the latter). slightly parental – we see this in the way that levi is pretty much the dad figure. it’s called squad levi for a reason, after all. very responsible. takes care of loved ones and often uses tough love as a form of discipline.

Eren Jaeger - im not even kidding with this one, he has extreme aries energy

sun in aries - eren feels the need to be very independent and he hates whenever he has to depend on mikasa and others, wanting to be strong enough to reverse the roles. he’s very self-confident, bold and direct. very impulsive, he’s quick to anger but is also very quick to forget - especially seen with his arguments with jean, fighting him is basically a love language at this point. aries suns are very fast thinkers and their strong energy may come off as intimidating. they have great intentions but that often becomes muddled with their impulsivity and the fact that they don’t think ideas through. eren is unabashedly himself and fights relentlessly for what he wants. his aries energy also makes him extremely motivated! he believes in the impossible and will make it happen no matter what.

aries rising – aries risings are the trailblazers. they ooze intensity. eren has very much a baby face and, due to his impulsivity and childish charm, people tend to baby him a lot – in the sense that he’s this kid surrounded by adults who needs supervision at all times or he’ll get into deep shit. aries risings are also marked by their extreme need for action, they’re the ones to do now and apologize later instead of asking for permission to do something in the first place. he is guided by his passion and is a natural leader who inspires everyone to fight alongside him. aries risings have a lot of energy which they need to express in a physical way, making them be prone to be very athletic and lead very active lives. he’s also extremely competitive and is driven by the force of becoming stronger than mikasa, and often feels angry when he realizes how stronger than him other people can be. at the same time, this pressure to be better is put solely on himself. he’s a dumbass with a good-heart and pure intentions.

moon in sagittarius – all this motherfucker talks about is freedom and seeing the world past the walls. he craves adventure and is extremely optimistic. but even if a sagittarius moon needs their freedom, they are still absolutely ride-or-dies and once they’ve commited to something, NOTHING or NO ONE can stop their determination. these are also the people to try their best to always appear cheerful and full of determination to hide their sad façade – like when he was nearly vomiting when talking about the titans to the other recruits when they began the training in the military but still forced himself to say that the titans aren’t scary at all and that they aren’t a big deal; he naturally inspires others and fills them with courage. but the way they put on this strong and brave façade leads to a strong emotional turmoil, violent urges and a sudden hostility to others. they are filled with surpressed anger that can lead them through very destructive paths – and the happy-go-lucky child might just lose her hope. we see this in eren in the most heartbreaking way.

mercury in aries – LOUD!!! eren speaks what’s on his mind with NO hesitation whatsover. he’s very quick to defend his friends and points of view, and speaks openly about his passions and dreams. he’s very assertive and tenacious. short attention span and not afraid to give a different opinion from someone else’s. very passionate about what he argues about. very expressive and when an aries mercury disagrees with you, you’ll know it immediately by their facial expression. confident and thrives on inspiring others. remember him being mad when it was discovered the possibility of all titans being humans because now he didn’t know who the enemy is and he NEEDS to hate someone and blame them in order to keep going? ARIES MERCURY ENERGY!!

mars in aries - people look to mars in aries to lead them. they’re full of energy and dynamic, and very athletic - eren exceeds at hand-to-hand combat and, in the other subjects where he’s not so good, his determination makes him push forward and become better. VERY hot-headed and confrontational, which is both the source of all their problems and their strength - they are not afraid of going after what they want and are willing to go through any obstacle to do so, and they’re also not afraid of upsetting other people in order to do so. eren is courageous, loves to take initiative and is very enthusiastic - something that is very contageous. competitive and hates compromise, he likes getting his own way. aries mars are also very individualistic and can have a huge ego.

venus in pisces - i know this is going to confuse a lot of people - like, how does he have so much aries energy, how is he so intense yet has one of the softest venus placements? i deeply believe he’s a pisces venus, and here’s why. his friends are EVERYTHING to him. pisces venus’ love very deeply and are very dependent on their loved ones, and eren is extremely protective of his loved ones and is willing to do anything to protect them. pisces venus’ are very vengeful, too, something that people seem to brush off about them - they might not do anything when you mess with them but as soon as you mess with their friends it’s game over. i also get a lot of “there was no other way, the word had to be fixed” vibes from this placement? like, this placement gives me the energy of someone willing to commit awful crimes under the excuse of it being for the greater good, which is something he dramatically experiences as he grows older and witnesses the cruelty of the world.

Armin Arlert

sun in scorpio - armin very resourceful!! he easily adapts to the circunstances he’s in and works his way around it. very intelligent and with great memory. extremely manipulative, cunning and perceptive. scorpios are known for their capability to be great investigators due to their natural curiosity, and armin has this deep need to see the world outside of the walls and he studies all there is to know about it with great passion. determined to succeed.

cancer rising - armin just wants to achieve his dream and it’s so soft. cancer risings are very receptive of other’s emotions and incredibly sensitive, but it’s difficult for them to open up to others. his appearance is very soft and delicate. loves to help others and has a naturally warm presence that makes others feel comfortable in his presence. give off a very grounded and stable energy, but this is often because they try to hide their most intense emotions and don’t know how to deal with them/don’t want to bother others by opening up about it.

moon in pisces - one word: EMPATHY!!! very compassionate. tendency to become a martyr and be very self-sacrificial. VERY imaginative, he is the strategist, after all. can feel others emotions and read them very easily. avoids confrontation but feels a strong need to take the weight off of others’ shoulders and to solve all their problems. very loving and giving, in tune with his emotions and emotionally intelligent. on the other side, this caring side of him can make him see other people through rose-colored glasses, and he is prone to believing in the best in people and giving them the benefit of the doubt. but when they’ve proven their true nature to him, he’ll see them for what they are and will no longer defend them, even if still feeling remorse. notice how he’s always like “this had to be done, we had no other choice” to justify his actions.

mercury in scorpio - bro armin’s eyes are so intense. when he gets on his manipulative bullshit it’s IMPOSSIBLE to look away from his gaze. he practically communicates through the eyes. armin is very sharp and his innocent appearance has everyone still thinking of him as a sweet angel as if he isn’t a whole war criminal. he easily psychoanalizes others to know what they want and uses it to his advantage, like how he used berthold’s love for annie to manipulate him to let eren go after him and reiner kidnapped him. scorpio mercuries be knowing shit, they be knowing everyone’s secrets and others usually confide in them as if they’re their therapists.

mars in pisces - mars in pisces makes a person avoid physical confrontation at all costs. notice how armin’s first response to everyone wanting to kill reiner and bertold/the marleyans was “please let’s just talk about this first”? he hates violence and deems it not worthy most times. he is very physically weak and aware of his limitations, unlike eren and levi, whose first instinct is to use violence in order to get what they want. no, armin has developed a much more subtle and effective way to get what he wants without using violence: emotional manipulation. he is the KING of appearing innocent and naïve and having people feel bad for him and want to baby him and protect him, and due to his extremely intuitive nature, he knows EXACTLY what to say to someone to get under their skin. he twists his words and emotions to get what he needs out of people and it’s both incredible and dangerous. also, very self-sacrifical and his goals are based on his emotions.

venus in cancer - he loves so much and it’s so beautiful and heartbreaking. he gives everything to the ones he loves and thrives off of being helpful and keeping everyone safe. reads a lot into the behaviour of the people he loves. very emotionally intelligent, wants stability and to maintain peace and may bend over backwords to achieve that. needs to feel understood and has a soft spot for troubled people, those who are more demanding and assertive (eren and mikasa), people he can take care of and who can take care of him in return. very affectionate and communicative. warm presence, you can pretty much feel the love radiating out of him.

Mikasa Ackerman

sun in aquarius - if you get past the emotional walls of an aquarius that has them appearing detached and distant because they’d rather use intelligence than seem emotional, you’ll be met with an incredibly soft, loving and caring person. an aquarius strength is their ability to be very unique, individualistic and humanitarian individuals - they truly march to the beat of their own drum. mikasa possesses a great deal of determination and isn’t afraid of being rebellious, especially when her loved ones are in danger.

capricorn rising - people with capricorn rising had to learn to be very independent from a very young age. mikasa is very intimidating but she has a very doll-like beauty, common to many capricorn risings. these people have had to deal with a lot ever since childhood, but they are fighters and their determination has them being able to survive even unsurmountable odds stacked up against them. capricorn risings tend to be serious and disciplined, and with a melancholic aura to them – which mikasa perfectly embodies. but the fact that these people have cancer in their descendant makes them strongly emotionally attached to their loved ones.

aquarius moon - even under the most stressful and dangerous situations, mikasa always remains in control of her emotions. she thrives in those situations, it’s the adrenaline of the moment that has her being so good at controlling her emotions until it’s safe to be anything but racional again. aquarius moons are feel very misunderstood and tend to racionalize their emotions a lot. however, it’s only due to their fear of vulnerability that they build this emotional walls, because they experience very intense emotions. i always think about that survey corp member saying “what did you have to go through for you to be like this?” when she was perfectly stable in a life-or-death situation.

mercury in capricorn - mikasa is incredibly action-oriented and she speaks in a structured but confident way. although she’s on the quieter side and is reserved, she’s able to inspire everyone when all hope seems lost, and she’s taken up eren’s words of “if we don’t fight, we can’t win” and uses it constantly in order to keep going. she’s very hard to read due to her usually expressionless face, giving her a mysterious aura. she’s very ambitious, persuasive and determined.

mars in capricorn - when people say that mars in capricorn people are the scariest when they’re angry, they’re not wrong. they act so calm and collected until suddenly they’re fixing you with a death glare and you’re rethinking all your life choices up until this point. mikasa might be extremely rational and calm, but as soon as someone threatens the ones she loves, she’ll stop at nothing to eliminate the threat. it’s like she fears nothing but ever being unable not to save them. she’s very responsible and reliable, with a lot of physical strength and stamina. very PROTECTIVE, grounded and GIVING

venus in virgo - this is one of the things that makes mikasa so similar to levi, the way they love. this bitch is LOYAL to her very core. she knows very well where her loyalties are - eren and armin - and is ready to kill all her close friends and superiors in order to protect them. she threatened to kill historia if she got in the way of getting eren back home safely, jumped levi on sight when he wanted to save erwin instead of armin, and got pissed at connie for doubting eren’s intentions after the whole marleyan ordeal. acts of service are very much her love language - she constantly picks up eren’s and armin’s stuff and carries it herself or orders them to rest while she works. it’s very hard to gain her trust and loyalty but once you do it’s forever, she’s very selective about the people she cares for. she’s possessive, too - giving historia the coldest death glare in the world when she saw her with eren. i’ve also noticed that venus in virgo are very difficult to declare their emotions!! they’ll just wait for the person to notice their indirect acts of affection. very attentive to the needs and details of loved ones.

#attack on titan #shingeki no kyoujin #levi #levi ackerman #eren #eren jaeger #eren yeager #mikasa #mikasa ackerman #armin #armin arlert #birth chart analysis #astrology

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weareallstoriesintheend · 3 years

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As Long As You Need (Reader x Adam Sackler)

Summary: Adam and Reader are hookup buddies. Adam gets concerned that you don't want to see him for a few weeks and comes over to check on reader. Reader is struggling with anxiety/depression and Adam comforts them through a panic attack.

Warnings: Depression, anxiety & panic attacks

Note: This was the fic I wrote for the Summer 2021 @adcuficexchange for LondonID!🥰 I hope this fic is something that resonates with people, I know mental health is a vast and personal subject but I hope something hits home. Even if it's just some beautiful care from our favourite gremlin 💕

The light of the day was fading slowly and the grey cover of dusk was slipping its way into the room. You lay in bed, head tucked against the pillows, body exhausted with the expense of the energy anxiety was taking from you. You felt empty and yet full to the brim, your mind weighed so heavy that you could barely move most days. The second you heard the loud thumping knocks on your front door you jolted as if waking up from a bad dream.

“Kid you in there?” Adams voice came, muffled by the thick wood of the doors between you, booming through your silence. You realised in that moment that you hadn’t spoken to him or seen him for a while and as someone who was a pretty regular occurrence in your life it suddenly felt strange to hear his voice after such a long time, you pulled your phone out from under the pillow and unlocked it. Your eyes screwed shut at the blinding light, but peeking through your eyelashes you checked your messages. Your last text to him had been nearly 3 weeks ago, then the page was just filled with him texting you again and again. All of which, in the haze of your mind, you had ignored. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to see him; you craved his cheeky smile, soft hair and adorable galaxy of freckles that smattered his skin. It was just the thought of having to explain the tornado that was tearing you apart that felt like a crushing pressure you couldn’t bear. Basic daily life was enough, sometimes too much, so anything on top of that you had shut out.

You curled yourself into the sheets a little more, pulling them around your shoulders. Although they were soft cotton the brush of them across your overly sensitive skin felt like sandpaper dragging over a raw exposed nerve. You stayed as still as possible whilst his knocks continued to echo through your apartment.

In a way you wondered if you had any obligation to him at all, you guys just hooked up every now and again after meeting at a mutual friends birthday party a year or so ago. Nothing serious, no dates, just fucking. He scratched an itch for you so you didn’t have to brave the dating world that daunted you. He was fun, he made you laugh but he didn’t pressure you to spend any more time with him than coming over to hold you face down into your mattress allowed.

The knocks turned to bangs of a fist and you pulled your blanket over your head, maybe he’d just go away if he thought you weren’t home. Your body thrummed with the disturbance of your comfortable silence and it made you uneasy. A slight nausea rippled through your throat. “I know you’re home” his voice bellowed, you closed your eyes and didn’t respond. “Open the fucking door kid” he shouted, he didn’t sound angry but you couldn’t quite make out the tone. He’d never used it before around you that’s for sure, he almost sounded worried. Then there was more thumping on the door, “Kid, for fucks sake your sweet old lady neighbour is looking at me like I’m fucking nuts, open the door”

You sighed and slung yourself off the bed onto your feet. The rush of movement made your head spin; your muscles and joints ached with a lack of energy. You tiptoed out of the bedroom and into the main room of your apartment, hoping that he couldn’t hear your deliberately soft padding footsteps. With your eyes trained on the door you didn’t notice the chair sticking out from the table and you bumped it as you passed. You froze dead still waiting to see if he’d heard it.

“I can hear you rustling around in there. Just open the fucking door and talk to me”

“I don’t want you to see me” you replied hesitantly, not raising the volume of your voice too high knowing he could hear you through the door now. The croak of your voice finally speaking was crackly and broken. “Why not?”

“I… I don’t look great” you looked at yourself in the reflection of the painting hanging on the wall. In the glass you could just about see yourself looking back; your hair was greasy and dishevelled, your eyes were bloodshot, rimmed with red and dark circles created a deep shadow underneath them. You suddenly balked at how awful you actually looked, you hadn’t showered in a few days and it really showed. Your face looked kind of gaunt with the limited food and sleep you’d given yourself for the last few weeks, mind always racing with one thought after another. The racing thoughts only leaving space for the basics of working at your laptop for 8 hours a day and activities to numb your mind till a restless bedtime. “Are you kidding?” he scoffed, thumping his fist once against the door, “I’ve seen you sweating, crying and covered in my cum… I don’t think you looking a little messy is going to be bother me” You cringed at how loud he was talking and in your embarrassment you frantically pulled the door open, “Jesus Adam don’t say that so loud my neighbours will hear y-“ you paused mid-sentence when you saw how he was looking at you. He was shocked and trying to hide it but his eyes were wide with sympathy. You instantly went to close the door on him again but he put his overly large foot in the way.

“Nope, no way! You opened it, I’m like a vampire, you’ve got to let me in now” he smiled cheekily. You sighed and let go of the door walking away from him. “Listen I don’t know why you’re here” you said, voice trailing behind you as you made your way to the couch hearing him step inside and close the door behind him, “I don’t really think I’m in any fit state to be fucking anyone” “I’m not here to fuck you” he retorted, for some reason that kind of stung. “Then why are you here?” you said, nestling into the couch cushions as he firmly placed himself standing in front of you. Adam was staring down at you with that intense glare he always seemed to have and you squinted your eyes, hurting due to the light from the windows, to look up at him. “Why am I here? You haven’t talked to me for like… three weeks. What the fuck do you think I’m doing here? I thought I was going to find you rotting in the bathtub or some shit” You rolled your eyes “I’m fine” “Oh right this…” he paused, flailing his arms at the quite frankly disgusting state of your living room, “… this is ‘fine’?” “This is as good as it gets” you muttered under your breath. He scoffed and you looked up at him, you took a second to take him in. He’d clearly run here, the beads of sweat were trailing gently down his temples and had matted the curly little front pieces of his hair. The outfit he was wearing, a dark blue cut off tank top, grey knee length shorts and heavy tan work boots over cream socks, would look kind of uncoordinated on anyone else but something about Adam always just… made sense.

“What do you mean?” he asked, eyebrows furrowing.

“Nothing” you rolled your eyes again, “You know you can just go right? I don’t even know why you’re bothering”

“What are you talking about kid? I wanted to make sure you were alright. You went all ghost on me and I was worried about you”

“Worried?” now it was your turn to scoff, you could feel the sickening panic rolling around inside your stomach and you needed him to leave.

“Yeah kid… worried” Adams voice suddenly had a tinge of anger behind it and it made the panic swirl harder around inside you.

“Well I don’t need you to worry about me. That’s not your job, your job is to fuck me and leave. And you’re good at that. So you do your job and I’ll do mine”

“Not true” he retorted, face screwed up a little against the harshness of your words.

“You were the one that set those rules Adam” you replied, frustration tainting your words “You don’t need to act like you give a shit”

“Hey when I commit, I really commit” “Commit to what?” you shouted, losing a little of your patience as your ears started to ring and the blood pumped through your body like a steady beat of music. “Commit to you!” he yelled back “We may not be dating or whatever but when I want someone in my life I work for that. Clearly you don’t…we are supposed to be fucking friends after all!”

He had every right to be mad, you had barely treated him like a human being lately and the wash of guilt made your heart start to jump in its rhythm. You could feel the brush of heat up the back of your neck and your pulse thudding in your ears. You shook your head wishing away what you knew was happening; the panic of the overwhelming sense of everything was rising up from your toes. He couldn’t see you like this, it was too embarrassing.

Although your breath was basically coming out like gasps you looked up at him and firmly said “Please leave”

He shook his head “I’m not going anywhere until you tell me why you’re avoiding me. Did I do something?” You stood up from your seat on the couch but didn’t get very far, your body felt over stimulated and you couldn’t get your mind clear enough to decide where to go to escape him. So you started pacing back and forth, hands clenching and unclenching at your sides.

“Adam please just go” this time your voice betrayed you even further, the tell-tale break in your speech giving away the tears that had begun to brim in your eyes. You pushed the base of your palms harshly into your eye sockets, rubbing away the tears. “Hey hey hey” he said softly, reaching out for your wrists and you flinched back, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-“

“Please just leave!” you shouted, panicked breath coming out of you in heavy pants. “I can’t breathe” you whispered to yourself turning away from him. Your tears, now virtually unstoppable, cascaded down your cheeks as the panic truly set in. You swayed slightly as you began to feel light-headed.

“Tell me what you need” you heard him say, but his voice felt like it was miles away from you even as he stood mere steps away with his hands outstretched slightly in your direction.

This was it, you were officially going crazy. You couldn’t even handle a simple conversation or own up to your shitty actions. You stole a glance at Adam, his eyebrows were pulled down with concern watching you and a wave of nausea rolled up into the back of your throat. He was going to think you were insane after this, this was the last time you were ever going to see him and this was how you were acting. You felt your cheeks heat up, burning with panic and embarrassment. One of the only things that kept you afloat, the only thing had made you happy as of late, was going to walk out. You could imagine him telling his friends about the crazy chick he used to fuck on the side, “She just totally flipped out on me, honestly man fucking nuts” you could practically hear his voice already, full of mocking vitriol towards you.

Then you really started to hyperventilate, chest aching with the weight of your gasps, but something in the back of your mind gave you respite… that wasn’t Adam. That wouldn’t be how he would act. He was kind. You glanced up at him as your hands began to shake violently.

“I-I’m sorry” you stuttered out, you felt your body collapse underneath you as the room began to spin around you. He dove forward to catch you as your body buckled down to the hard wooden floor.

“Come here” his voice was gentle and barely audible to you but he held you tight, this time you didn’t flinch and he quickly gathered you into his arms in the fear you would move away from him again. “It’s just a panic attack, you’re going to be okay. I’m right here, it’ll be over soon” As he pulled you into his chest, seating himself on the floor with you, he stretched his long legs out around you so his whole body was caging you against him. Your breath instantly started to slow down as the warmth and closeness of him soothed you. He didn’t speak too much, he just calmed your mind with hushed whispers of “Shhh” and “You’re going to be okay”.

You clung yourself to him, vibrating with the force of the trembles that were wracking your body. Your teeth chattered in your head causing you to screw your eyes closed in pain. Your fingers wound tight in his shirt as your breathing finally began to even out. Your body released some of the tension that was winding your muscles tight and you leant a little more into his chest.

“H-how did you know?” you stammered, voice barely above a whisper as you regained your breath.

He shrugged “My mom used to get them… and my sister for a while. I’m used to it.” he smiled softly, lips merely twitching up at the edges as he gauged your reaction. He stroked his large hand through your tangled hair, massaging his fingers over your scalp as your body relaxed and you sighed. “Better?” he asked, placing a careful kiss to the top of your head. You nodded, the scent of his cologne and sweat drifted over you as you kept yourself gripped against him, not quite ready to be moved from his warmth.

“You didn’t have to do this” you croaked, looking up at him now. He shook his head and rolled his eyes jokingly, a smirk coming over his lips as he does it.

“You know we don’t just have to fuck right? We can be more than that.” he chuckled, holding your face gently with one hand, “We can also talk, we are friends right?”

You nodded again, looking up at him with wide glassy eyes. He kissed the tip of your nose and you scrunched it.

“Listen maybe we’re just friends for a little while. We can… get lunch or walk through the park when the weather gets better. Whatever you want” he shrugged, you smiled at the level of effort he was so clearly trying to give. Adam hated stuff like that, lunches out and walks in the park; he often said how trivial it all seemed to him. He liked to be at home in his own little world. So the fact he was offering to make you feel better was more than enough to bring a smile to your face. You nodded and giggled when he pumped the air with his fist in celebration.

“And you know, if you need someone to come with you to therapy or whatever I can do that too” he mumbled clearly unsure how you would respond, “You still go to therapy right? I know you mentioned it a while ago and I figured-“ he began to ramble nervously. You pressed your hand into his chest and nodded.

You pushed yourself up a little and placed a kiss to his cheek, “That would help, thank you”

He shuffled a little and rose to get to his feet before extending a hand out to you. You clasped your hand across his, so much smaller in his grasp, and used his body weight to pull yourself up on unsteady legs. He wrapped his arms around you a little bit, his body hunched over yours protectively.

“But first, you need food… and a shower” he paused for a moment, making small grunt-like thinking noises as he looked you over. Then all at once he dipped and gathered you up in his arms, you squealed loudly and wrapped your arms around his neck “What are you doing?” you protested through unsure giggles.

He didn’t say anything but started walking towards your bathroom. He kicked the door open with the toe of his boot and swung his arms so that your head just missed the door frame. He propped you, sitting upright, on the edge of your bathtub before reaching up and turning on your shower. He gestured for you to stand as the water began heating up behind you. Soft clouds of steam quickly started to rise up around the room and he nodded with satisfaction. He tentatively tugged at the base of your oversized-hoodie and you raised your arms above your head. He slipped your hoodie off in one swift motion and dropped it to the floor beside you both. You self-consciously crossed your arms over your now bare chest and he smiled down at you. He placed a kiss to your forehead before kneeling down to wriggle your panties off your hips and down your legs. You shuffled shyly, despite the fact he’d seen you naked so very many times, and stepped out of them as he reached your ankles. He tossed them on top of your hoodie, placing a tender kiss to your stomach as he knelt in front of you, before standing back up to his full height “I’ll get you fresh stuff and wash those” he noted, almost to himself as he spun you by your shoulders so you had your back to him. “You get in there” he pointed to the steady stream of hot water creating billows of steam in the small bathroom, “And I’m going to make you some soup, you still have cans of that chicken one you like?” You nodded once and he placed a firm kiss to your shoulder. With his hands on your waist he placed a final kiss to the top of your head before his touch left you completely. You smiled at his constant need to show you physical care, it was like he understood how even simple affection could heal even the worst of the pain your brain could throw at you. You turned to look over your shoulder as he left the room; like he sensed your hesitation he stopped and turned to look at you with a sweet smile…

“I’m not going anywhere, I promise. I’ll stay with you as long as you need me too”

#adam sackler x reader #adam sackler #tw:mental health #adam sackler x you #adcu #adcu fic #adcu summer fic exchange #adcu fic exchange

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morganas-pendragons · 3 years

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Long Story Short (I Survived) | Din Djarin

Okay, I apparently write for Din now. This is set after It’s A Long Way Down and will feature the same Grey!Jedi reader, I am done with finals and am intending to write a fic between this one and the first one for Chapter 13!

i forgot that din took his helmet off in the first fic i wrote for him, so we’re going to call this - another separate instance in which reader could have seen helmet less din - and change one saber to two

if you’d like to be added to tags for when I write for din, please let me know! until then...

@earthtokace / @demigod-dragonrider-schoolidol / @kyber-queen / @kaikai1324 / @snippy-tano / @fractiouskat / @doctorsteeb

SPOILERS FOR THE BELIEVER

Din is staring down at the Imperial console when he feels it creep up upon him. It’s a niggling fear, one that sinks deep down into the pit of his stomach and very nearly disappears - which gives him hope that it’ll just dissipate and die - until realization smacks him right back into reality.

“You’ll have to take your helmet off.”

He’d felt this same emotion when IG-11 had coerced him into taking his helmet off when he’d been injured. It had felt the same, affected him the same, paralyzed him the same.

Panic. It’s panic.

The last time he’d done this had been out of necessity, out of fear, and that had been the only reason he’d survived. He’d broken The Creed to save his own life and of those who had been with him when the Moff attacked. Now, staring at this console, the life of his son is at stake if he doesn’t take this helmet off.

Din whispers into the corners of his frightened mind. I’m scared.

You had accompanied Mayfeld and Din as the third party (since Boba and Fennec had Cara) and had displayed skill in aiding him with the bands of pirates who had attacked their transport of Rhydonium. His mind was still spinning with the sheer speed in which you had spun those lightsabers. He didn’t think a person could move that fast.

Around the corner and turned away from Din, you allow yourself to feel the whispers of The Force encircling your mind - the newly acquired bond you’d somehow formed with Din since having seen Ahsoka - and whispered in reply I know. A beat of silence passes before you continue. Remember who you’re doing this for.

In the moment that Din’s fear threatens to overtake him, you send waves of comfort and assurance through your Bond in the Force - which shouldn’t exist to begin with, it’s not that easy to create bonds with a non-force sensitive - to coax him into doing what needs to be done. Your eyes are turned. Your focus is on Mayfeld and the dozens of Imperial Officers who surround you.

As he removes his helmet, Din remembers. He remembers your boundless laughter playing with The Child. He remembers the way his son beams at you, the way he falls asleep on specific words of lullabies because that’s always the precise moment your voice goes just soft enough that he feels as if he needs no more comfort. Din remembers the way you’d watched on in silence, quietly mourning a relationship that had yet to reach its peak, and how breathless you’d appeared - and overjoyed, he still hasn’t recovered from the sudden hug you gave him upon return to the Razor Crest - when he’d brought Grogu back inside after Ahsoka claimed he could not be trained.

Remember who you’re doing this for.

Maker help anyone who dared to cross him when his child, his son - the one attachment he has not verbally acknowledged yet, but everyone else has, including you - is the one in danger. When you are the one in danger.

Maker help them.

You are not anticipating what comes next.

This was supposed to be easy. Get in, get the coordinates for the cruiser, and get out. Mayfeld had mentioned to you after Din had entered the mess hall that he’d need to take his helmet off in order to access the terminal, and on instinct you had turned away from the mess to survey the crowd around you.

Your lightsabers - now meshed together into the staff slung across your back - lay comfortably and within reach as dozens of Imperial troops brush past you and congratulate both you and Mayfeld on being the only transport to bring back the Rhydonium.

“Trooper? Hey, trooper!”

Mayfeld’s hand shoots out before you can protest, and your head is whipping back just enough to ensure that Din hasn’t been found out. “No.” Mayfeld murmurs, shaking his head. “Not yet.”

You’re not focused on him. You’re focused on the dark hair that frames the very visible head of the same man you’d resigned yourself to falling in love with.

His helmet is off.

Dread curls itself in your veins as you and the former Imperial turn to the mess hall. You’ve managed to respect Din’s wishes in refraining from both seeing his face - and using his name, you’re only allowed to do that in private - since you met, but circumstances have ruined the reverential act he would’ve saved for marriage. That was when he’d had removed his helmet to allow you to see him.

The thing is though.. You’ve always seen him. You don’t need to see his face to know Din Djarin’s heart, and his heart lays with you and that baby. The one he’s fighting to get back.

“No, son. What’s your TK number?”

Lucky for you, you’d been alive during The Clone Wars. You can worm yourself and him out of this situation fairly easily.

“This is our Commanding Officer TK-593, and First Officer TK-616, sir.” Mayfeld slaps your back as the two of you enter the mess hall and flank either side of Din. You cannot bring yourself to look at him head on. It would not be fair, not in the midst of the pure fear that’s coursing through his mind.

I’m right here. You whisper into the heart of the fear that plagues him, fingers idly tracing the inside of his hand as you stare the Imperial Officer down. As expected, Din visibly relaxes at the gentle trace of your fingertips against his palm. We’re surviving.

“I am Imperial Combat Assault Transport TK-111, sir.” Mayfeld continues, folding his hands over each other as he stands at relaxed parade rest at Din’s side. “I’m afraid you’re going to have to speak up to him a little bit since his vessel lost pressure in Taanab.”

This gives you the brilliant idea of conversing with Din in Tusken sign, something he’d been adamant to teach you after your excursion on Tatooine.

“She’s our interpreter. We call her Whip.’’

While Mayfeld guides the conversation with the officer, you and Din are easing into talking in Tusken about however many ways this can go wrong, but then he changes the topic to something you’re not quite ready to acknowledge.

You can look at me, you know. He signs, hands frantic as he tries and fails to find your eyes. You value him - and his heart - far too much to be the first person he knows to have seen his face.

No. You shake your head. I can’t.

And you don’t. You only look at his side profile for the remainder of that trip, refusing to allow yourself the satisfaction of being the one person he cared about that has seen his face. Seen him.

Like I said. You don’t need to see Din Djarin’s face to see him.

***

Din is almost positive he’s ready to accept how he feels about you.

The minute Mayfeld shoots that officer in the chest, you spring into action and whip that staff off your back - disengaging the lock that holds the two lightsabers together - and the world explodes in a flurry of blue as you perform the sword and shield method he’s seen you do flawlessly at least five times now.

You don’t look at him even after you’re back in Slave One. He and Cara have escorted Mayfeld back to the surface of the planet, and it’s just you and Fett in the cockpit. Despite the clone and bounty hunter being so much older then you, there’s something oddly comforting knowing you’re sitting next to has suffered as much as you have. If not more.

Long story short, we both survived.

“You know, I’ve been with you a grand total of a day and I can already see it in your eyes, Whip.” The nickname Mayfeld had come up with in the facility has already made its rounds on the ship, and Boba feels it’s more then appropriate for the first Jedi he’s met since the kids who put him in the Sarlacc to begin with. Being inside of that thing had mellowed him out. He had accepted his life for what it was now. Oddly enough.. Boba Fett is at peace. “You’re lovesick for the Mandalorian.”

“Boba-”

The older man, one who mirrored what you’d always envisioned the clones - may Maker rest their souls - to look like as they aged, removed his helmet to look at you. “Take it from someone who knows. He gets you. You get him.” Boba turned his gaze back towards the ramp of Slave One where Din was talking in low voices with Cara. “Wish I’d had a jeti like you who saw me despite the armor.”

He stopped speaking after that.

Taking a deep breath, you descend from the cockpit just as Slave One takes off again, the coordinates for Moff Gideon’s cruiser inputted into the navi-computer. Fennec and Cara move by you to join Boba in the cockpit which leaves you and Din alone in the cargo bay.

It’s deadly silent.

Ner jeti. He whispers. You can hear his thoughts as clear as you hear your own. Why will you not look at me?

Your eyes slam shut as his fingers curl around your hips. You cannot do this to him, no matter how much you want to - no matter how much you desire to finally kiss those lips you’ve dreamt idly about so many times - because here’s the truth of it: You have suffered, parts of you have died, everything you have ever known has died, you have lost everything and didn’t even try to save those on the other end of those attachments you’d formed... but something, something good, put you right here. Right here in this moment with Din Djarin mere moments before plunging into the subject of your night terrors after months of being tormented by nightmares of your fellow Jedi being tortured by the Empire for simply existing.

And quite frankly, there’s no one else you’d rather take that plunge with.

That fact terrifies you.

“I can’t look at you, Din.” You whisper. “I can’t look at you because then that would be breaking your Creed for me... and I can’t let you do that when the baby hasn’t even seen your face yet-”

“Oh, believe me.” A clunk echoes in the cargo-bay as the beskar falls from his hands. Your heart stops and your breath catches in your throat as you tremble beneath his grasps, eyes still closed as he steps into the curve of your body - chest to your back - and lowers his entire head to your shoulder. “I intend for him to.”

Din lays a kiss at the nape of your neck. Maker... he’s real. Your head starts spinning as his kiss ascends right to the shell of your ear, in which he then whispers, “Open your eyes, Sarad.” and it’s such an intimate act on the behalf of someone who has not known love until you and the baby showed up that you can’t not open your eyes.

When you turn around, your world is enveloped in a mirage of onyx. Brown eyes.

“Din-” Din chuckles at your obvious reluctance because he is absolutely terrified to let you see him, the real him, vulnerable and waiting and desperate for the same acceptance.

“I told you my name way earlier then I ever anticipated I would.” He begins, taking your hands in his own to lay them against his cheeks. It has been so long since he allowed himself to accept touch, to accept that people in the galaxy were still gentle, that he trembles when your warmth seeps into his skin. “After what Bo-Katan told me and what Mayfeld kept saying in the transport... I’ve done alot of thinking recently, and I’m coming to the conclusion that maybe the way I was raised was wrong. There’s nothing wrong with taking the helmet off.” He exhales on a shaky breath and turns his face to kiss the inside of your hand. “But then again.. I’ve always wanted to around you.”

Your voice is small as you ask, “Why?”

“Because you’ve always seen me.” Din replies. “Despite the armor and the helmet, you’ve always seen me for who I was. You saw me as a father for the-” He swallows the knot in his throat and leans inward until you are a hairs breath apart, forehead resting against yours as he pulls your body into his own. “As a father for our child. Not just as a bounty hunter, but as a man. A man I could never see myself as. When you came around, I stopped surviving. I started living.” He snorted sharply through his nose. “I almost forgot what that felt like.. I think you pulled me back right before I forgot entirely.”

He’s so grateful. It’s hard to live feeling like you’re a ghost.

Din tests the waters of this desire radiating from you both by applying just the barest amount of pressure of his mouth on yours. As to be expected, your entire body quakes at the contact and it takes all his physical control to not allow his spinning head to make his knees give out and send him falling on the floor.

Oh.. he could get used to this. Used to this feeling.

He’s felt this before.

Joy.

“That’s the thing.” Inward, outward, forward and back again, you slowly allow yourself to succumb to Din’s kiss and grip his face in your hands just a little bit tighter. “I’ve always seen you.” You pull away just enough to force your eyes open, and then you are graced with the face of the man you love. You do. You love him, and you’ve accepted it. Kriffing Boba Fett. “And you know what? I thought I’d died before I met you. I never thought I’d make it here, much less be with you.. and I am so lucky.” There it is then, that breathless smile Din has pressed the sight of twice now into his memories, that presses itself into your aspect as the two of you look at each other.

“Why are you lucky?”

You wink and shrug. ‘’Long story short?” You muse. “It’s a good thing I survived.”

Little to Din’s knowledge as he plunges into the mystery of his growing love for you - his flower, the one who made him bloom - that when he kisses you again, your eyes are wide open the entire time.

There’s never been quite so beautiful a sight as somebody who’s survived.

bonus: i am thinking about how beautiful pedro pascal was in this episode

#Din Djarin #Din Djarin x Reader #The Mandalorian #The Mandalorian x Reader #Star Wars imagines #Star Wars oneshots

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hb-writes · 3 years

Text

Warmth

1920

Tommy didn't quite understand how his sister was fast asleep at a pub, but she had been at it for near to two hours. Clara usually woke at the slightest of interruptions—horse hooves on the cobblestone, sunlight intruding through parted curtains, nightmare-induced muttering through thin walls—but the shouts and music and laughter of the Garrison hadn't stirred her.

The pub had been more subdued for about half an hour now, just family and a small group of Blinders left to celebrate the final minutes of Polly Gray's birthday, but with John and Arthur drunk, and the Shelby siblings, minus Ada, all confined to the snug, one could hardly call it quiet.

Still, Clara slept soundly. Tommy had barely noticed when she stopped participating in the conversation, her sentences gently shifting from her usual witty banter to single-worded answers before those became mere nods or hums of acknowledgment, and then nothing at all.

Clara had rested on her brother in some manner or another for most of that transition, her head leaned back on the arm he draped on the bench behind her, and then against his shoulder or chest. He had barely reacted when Clara repositioned herself after a long bout of silence, resting her head against his leg with her body stretched out down the bench, his coat tugged over for provisional use as a blanket.

A handful of people had offered to get the sleeping girl settled at home when they extended their own farewells—Uncle Charlie and Jeremiah said they could drop her on their way, and even John, drunk as he was, insisted that Esme could take her when she went back down to their house. And though Tommy would have trusted any of them with the task, each time he spared a glance down at his sleeping sister and simply waved them off.

Clara seemed comfortable enough, and Tommy had no place else to be. It wouldn't harm her any to sleep on the bench for a few hours, so Tommy let his sister be, their laughter and conversation unchanged in either volume or content as she slept beside them. They stayed that way until it neared midnight and Polly voiced a desire for the celebrations to be through, and for everyone to head home to their own beds.

Arthur and John both voiced a preference for simply carrying on, with the lot of them continuing to drink and sleeping at the pub, but it was Polly’s day, and she decreed that the kids needed to get home, decreed that a pub was no place for a couple of twelve-year-olds to spend the night.

Tommy nodded at Polly when she said it, their silent agreement overriding the argument John and Arthur were still voicing about staying the night. Their feelings on the subject didn’t truly matter. John and Arthur would eventually slink off to their own homes, but Tommy still lived above the shop on Watery Lane. It would be him making sure the twins got into proper beds. It most often was. In a twist that would surprise most of Birmingham, Thomas Shelby was the one most often responsible for seeing to the basic welfare of his youngest siblings, if only because he was the most convenient custodian.

He supposed Clara and Finn mostly looked after themselves by this point though, able to adequately prepare themselves a meal or find someone to feed them, able to do enough chores to help keep the household running without him or Polly doing much prompting. And they were both kept busy enough that they didn't have too much room for causing idle trouble. Tommy supposed that was what had Clara sleeping in the pub. They were keeping her too busy.

He moved his hand to Clara's shoulder and said her name along with a prompt calling her awake. She didn’t acknowledge his gentle shaking or his gentle words though.

"Gentle won't work with her, Tom,” John said. “Have to be more forceful to get a reaction from our Clara." He balanced on the back legs of his chair, teetering back and forth. He cupped both hands around his mouth as he allowed the chair to slam down on all four legs. "Oi! Clara! Wake up!"

Tommy snorted as Clara lifted the coat over her head, rolling over so her back was to John, Arthur, and Finn, and she faced the wall.

John had gotten a reaction alright.

"Let me wake her," Arthur said as he pushed himself up from his chair and plopped down onto the end of the bench, lifting Clara's legs and settling her feet in his lap.

"Arthur," Finn warned, "I really wouldn't."

Arthur glanced at Finn with a dopey smile on his face, but didn't heed his warning. He grasped one of Clara's feet, his fingers lightly grazing the arch, applying only a small bit of pressure.

Clara stayed beneath the coat this time too, but both of her legs jerked, the heel of one foot whacking Arthur square in the gut and knocking the wind out of him. He dropped his hold on her to hug his middle instead and Clara quickly tucked her body in on itself, curling into a ball as she moved even closer to Tommy.

Tommy pulled the coat back to see his sister's face. He thought he heard a snort come from beneath it, a bit of a laugh in response to Arthur's predicament. With the sound almost entirely muffled by the thick fabric and Arthur's hollering, he couldn't truly tell.

Pulling back the coat gave Tommy little by way of confirmation. Clara's face was shielded by the hair fallen over her face, her body already rising and falling with a regularity that lent itself to a state of sleep.

Tommy pushed the hair from her face and saw a small upturn at the corner of her mouth before she turned her face to hide against him.

"C'mon, Clara." Tommy fit a finger beneath her chin when her only response was to tug the coat up closer to her face. "It's time to get you home."

Clara caught her brother's hand before he could make contact with the sensitive skin of her neck. She held his hand close, captured within both of her own and then she stilled completely once again, the perfect picture of an innocent sleeping child.

“Good luck with that, Tom,” John said.

Arthur clapped Tommy on the shoulder as he and John headed out into the pub.

Tommy's breath deepened as he summoned a bit more patience to continue dealing with his sister’s act. There was no questioning the fact that she was awake now and the performance was quickly beginning to lose its luster.

"Well, if we can't wake her, I suppose we should just leave her then," he said. "Lock her in and hope she'll be alright until one of us can come to collect her in the morning, eh Finn?"

Clara still didn't react, so Tommy made to slip out from beneath her and stand up. Clara quickly shifted her hold in response, wrapping herself around him more completely.

"C'mon, Clara. Enough with the show," Finn said, standing up.

It was a bit of a performance, but also it wasn't. Clara was dead tired and resting against Tommy was the most comfortable sleep she'd had in weeks, even with most of her body stretched out on the hard wood of the snug’s bench.

"Clara, let's—" Tommy grasped her arms and attempted to release her hold, but Clara simply gripped him tighter, her face crushed against his chest, facing up at him.

"No."

"No?"

"You're warm," she mumbled.

Finn and Tommy's eyes met across the table and Finn rolled his eyes.

"And you'll be just as warm tucked into your own bed," Tommy said. "Now, come on."

"No, To—" Clara didn't even get his full name out before Tommy looked away from her towards their other brother.

"Finn, find her coat."

Finn tugged her coat off the back of a nearby chair. He could have placed it in Tommy's outstretched hand, but he plopped it down on top of his sister instead. Then Finn picked her discarded boots up from the floor, tossing them at the lump under the coats as well.

Tommy sighed half a second before Clara shot up straight. "Finn!" she shouted, slinging one of the boots back across the table at him. It would have hit him square in the face had he not put up his hands to block it.

Clara reached for the other boot as well, swinging her arm back to send it across the table, stopped in her pursuit only by Tommy catching her wrist.

"Put it on your foot," he warned.

"I'd rather toss it at Finn's—" Clara stopped as she turned to face Tommy's raised eyebrow. "Fine, but I'd like it known that I'd rather—"

"Toss it at my head," Finn answered. "Well, I'd like it known that we've all been wanting to toss something at your head for the last quarter-hour at least."

"Just shut your mouth and give me my other bloody—"

Clara and Finn yielded the match at the exact same moment. Tommy smacked the back of Clara's head as he met Finn's eye and they both did as he wanted without a bit of discussion, Finn setting the previously flung boot down gingerly within his sister's reach and Clara pulling both shoes on her feet without another word.

The pack tumbled out onto Garrison Lane within a few minutes and Tommy took the keys off Arthur as he struggled to lock up. By the time he managed it, the boys had already set off down the lane, but Clara stayed behind shivering as she waited. She quickly fit herself against Tommy’s side.

"It's cold."

"Why didn't you go on ahead with your brothers, then?"

Clara shrugged. "You're warm."

She’d already said it once in the course of the night. And it could be argued that the spaces against John or Arthur or Finn's sides were equally warm, but she hadn't settled on walking home with any of them so Tommy didn't question it further. He wrapped an arm around Clara and pulled her closer, making sure she felt the warmth too.

-----

Peaky Blinders (Little Lady Blinder) Masterlist

#peaky blinders #peaky blinders fanfic #shelby!sister #shelby sister #tommy shelby #arthur shelby #john shelby #finn shelby #clara shelby #little lady blinder #I love you prompts #300 follower celebration

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