#his desire to help his dad will always put him in harms way | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ineeddarylbadly · 7 months

Text

Insecurities

Daryl Dixon X gender neutral reader

first person POV

WARNING- female anatomy used (and she pronouns because merle’s a dick), mention of merle dixon :| and his dad:|, tooth rotting fluff, angst, cursing, mention of self-harm, scars, mentions of his past abuse, alcoholism/smoking, mental health, cockwarming, fingering, oral (giving and receiving) gentle sex, praise kink, talking through sex, encouragement, edging/overstimulation, squirting, creampie, consent(NOT A WARNING BUT THAT SHIT IS FUCKING HOT)

Word count- 8,475

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Exhausted, Daryl walks into the cabin, the floor creaking under his boots. He drops his bow on the floor walking to the bedroom. Sitting on his bed, removing his shoes before falling back on the poorly crafted bed, he lays there with his eyes closed, breathing slowly. He brings his hands up resting them over his face before slowly sitting up on the bed. He grunts softly into his hands, his eyes feeling heavy. He sighs, getting up removing his vest, throwing it over a chair in the corner of the room before unbuttoning his shirt, letting it fall down to the floor, sighing as the cold air touches his skin. He moves his hand down to his belt taking it off discarding it with his vest. He moves down to the button of his jeans undoing it, pulling them off his legs. He hums feeling much more comfortable. He walks over to his lamp turning it on before walking over to his dresser. On his way there he can’t help but to catch a glimpse of himself in his full-body mirror. He scans himself, feeling the negative thoughts wash over him already. He leans in closer looking into his eyes, his blue eyes looking devoid of life, the wrinkles around them really accentuating that. He looks at the scar crossing over his left eyebrow down to his cheek. The moonlight coming from the window, accentuating the few gray hairs on his head, and across his beard. He moves back grunting, looking at the rest of his body, he takes note that he’s putting on a bit of weight as he runs his hands over his stomach feeling ashamed, almost disgusted with himself. His eyes travel down to his legs remembering how toned they used to be, he grunts looking down at the floor. He starts to think about you and how much he wants to be perfect for you. He hates the thought of aging, it was something he could never get used to. He feels like one day he won’t be desirable to you anymore. Tears form in his eyes thinking about everything Merle has ever told him “She doesn’t care about ya baby brother” “She’ll never notice ya” “Give up” “A girl like tha will never love ya”. He always thought about you, it scared him, to be honest. He thought about you while on runs, whenever he found something he thought you’d like he’d try his best to push down the voices of Merle and his father in his head. He knew the look on your face after he brought you something you would like, it would be all worth it. Your smile was everything to him, he looked forward to seeing it everyday. It gave him a reason to keep going.

“Checking yourself out?”. My voice breaks him out of his thoughts. He turns around looking at me leaning up against the doorway.

“How long have you been there?”

“About 3 minutes.” I smile at him tilting my head to the side. He hums quietly, biting the inside of his lip looking down at the floor.

“What’s wrong darling?”

He looks back at the mirror feeling your eyes on him

“It’s stupid.” He grunts, shaking his head.

“Daryl…you know you can tell me anything.”

I walk closer to him. He takes a deep breath before speaking.

“Ya think’m still good looking?” He sighs looking at his tired eyes in the mirror.

“Of course I do.” I replied to him honestly, smiling softly at him. “How long have you been thinking about this?”

“I don’t know I just worry that one day you’ll find someone better, ma brother..the voices always tell me M’ not good enough..I’m aging faster than ya one day you’ll find someone better looking than me..someone who can treat ya better..y’know?” His voice gets softer as he looks back down at the floor.

“Daryl…” I walk to him grabbing his hand softly, his hand feels warm and dry.

“What.” He grunts softly.

“Well for starters..” I run my hands up his arms softly before resting them on his shoulders. I give them a soft squeeze as I turn his body towards the mirror standing behind him.

“I love your shoulders so much, They’re so big and broad.” I watch the corner of his lips form a small smile as I walk in front of him. I slowly move my hands down to his chest resting one of my hands over his heart. “I love your kind heart, you care so intensely about me and others. You’re always thinking about other people’s feelings, sometimes thinking about theirs before your own. You do so much to protect the people that you really care about.”

He looks deeply into my eyes feeling his anxiety melt away. I run my hands affectionately down his biceps “And these arms, they make me feel so safe and loved.”

His smile grows a little as I pepper him with compliments. I grabbed his hands softly, feeling how warm they were once again.

“Your hands, you know I appreciate how handy you are with your bike or your crossbow, I also love the way you touch me.. they always make me feel so loved.”

He hums intertwining his fingers with mine. He looks back up to the mirror, smiling at his reflection slightly, feeling a little bit better.

“and your stomach.” I continued slowly moving my hands to rest there. “I adore your stomach, know that? It’s comfortable to lay on and it’s perfect, you have the perfect body.”

“Ya really like that?” He said locking his eyes with yours

“I do..I love it very much.”

I place my hands by his sides, running my fingers gingerly over his thighs

“Your legs are so strong, I love sitting on them when you tell me about your childhood or when we are about to make love” he opens his mouth to speak but his words get caught in his throat as I move my hands to the top of his boxers running my fingers under the waistband teasingly.

“Speaking of which...I’m sure every time we’ve made love tells you how much I love this..”

His smile gets wider as he feels his face warm up from your statement. Confidence fills him slightly, knowing that he can still make you feel good in bed.

“God and don’t even get me started on how insanely handsome you are.”

I shift my attention to his face, bringing my hands up to caress his cheeks

He melts into my hands, feeling his body become weak.

I rake my eyes over his intoxicating features before speaking again.

“Your eyes are so beautiful, they make me feel like I'm drowning in the most beautiful ocean. I honestly forget what I’m going to say half the time when I look into them.”

He moves closer to you, resting one of his hands gently on your lower back.

“God, don’t do that…not now.” I chuckled softly

He laughs quietly watching my face turn a light shade of pink.

I run my finger over his nose bridge.

“Your nose makes you look like one of those Greek statues, it fits you so perfectly.”

I run my thumb over his bottom lip, resting the rest of my fingers on his lower jaw.

“And your lips, they’re so pretty like they were made to kiss me..when you say you love me unconditionally it’s always so sincere and when you smile my heart swells with so much love.”

“And this.” I run my fingers through his soft white and black beard

“This is my favorite thing to feel when we kiss.”

The air around him feels thick with love as you flood him with compliments.

“Really?” he says, looking down at you lovingly, slowly moving his hand up and down your back.

“Yeah.” I whisper to him, gently moving my finger to play with the tips of his hair.

“And your hair..it’s so pretty for a man like you...I love playing with it...”

He flashes his signature Daryl smirk looking into your eyes glossed over with enamor.

I take notice of the wrinkles that form around his eyes as he does this.

“And when you smile at me, your wrinkles make your eyes smile..I think that’s so beautiful.”

“I’ll make sure to smile for ya more often” He laughs quietly.

“Your laugh fills me with so much love Daryl..you don’t understand.”

He moves his hand up to play with your hair.

“I’ll spend as long as I can tryin too.”

I relax into his touch moving my hand from his hair to caress his face again grazing my thumb over his mole.

“I’m so jealous that this mole gets to follow you everywhere you go.”

He laughs softly at your silly comment.

“I’m serious Daryl..I love everything about you from the gray hairs on your head to your toes..and I will spend the rest of my life making sure you understand that.”

I feel tears well up in my eyes.

“Daryl Dixon you mean so much to me and don’t let any person or any of the voices in your head tell you any differently okay..?”

He smiles at his reflection in the mirror before looking down at me again, as he brings his hands down to caress my face.

“Don’t cry..come er.”

He pulls me in for a hug

I immediately relax into his arms feeling how warm he is, his heartbeat pounding rhythmically against my ear. I close my eyes as I feel him start to run his hands through my hair, after a few seconds he grabs my face to look at me again.

“Sunshine...I promise ya I’ll get better about how I feel ‘bout myself..it’s just so hard y’know how I grew up….. ’m sorry.”

I bring my hand up to caress his face again.

“I understand darling.”

I wrap my arms around his neck pulling him closer to me.

“Never apologize for something you have no control over.”

He smiles again, his eyes glimmered in the soft moonlight that coated the room. He leans in closer to me running his thumb over my bottom lip.

“I can’t believe how incredibly lucky I am to have someone like ya and I’d love to grow old with ya for as long as you’ll let me.”

I look into his eyes, my heart feeling so overwhelmed with love that it feels like it’s about to burst.

“Of course I would, gray hairs and wrinkles and all. I would love to grow old with you. Even covered in blood and dirt I still think you are the most beautiful man in the world”

We both laugh quietly.

He leans in finally capturing my lips. I wrap my arms tightly around his neck playing with the ends of his hair. I feel him smile against my lips as I do this, his hands move down to my lower back as he deepens the kiss. I hum softly into his mouth. He pulls away tucking a few loose strands of hair behind my ear while looking deeply into my eyes.

“I love you so much sunshine,” he whispers against my lips

“I love you too.”

He smiles, wrapping his strong arms around me again, placing a soft kiss on the top of my head before pulling away.

“It has been a long day for you big guy, let's shower and get ready for bed.”

I smile sweetly at him.

“Yes ma’am.”

He grabs my hand walking to the bathroom.

We make it to the bathroom, closing the door behind us. I walk up to the shower, turning it on and waiting for the water to get warm. I feel him wrap his arms around my waist before he pulls my shirt over my head. I lean back against his chest as he unhooks my bra letting it fall to the floor. I turn around and sit down on the side of the tub as he wraps his fingers around the waistband of my sweatpants pulling them down.

I stand up playing with the waistband of his boxers before pulling them down. I hear him sigh comfortably as I feel his fingers move affectionately down my hips. He plays with the waistband of my underwear. He smiles down at me before he pulls them off, throwing them somewhere in the bathroom. I grab his hand guiding him into the shower. His body becomes enveloped in the warm water. His muscles immediately start to relax. I start to run my fingers through his hair. He smiles at me, grabbing one of my hands, kissing it gently before placing it back on his head. I smile at him, grabbing the shampoo and squeezing some into the palm of my hands. I rub my hands together before placing my hands back on his head, massaging his scalp.

He leans into my touch humming at the sensation, closing his eyes. I watch his movements lovingly as I wash his hair admiring how pretty and wavy his hair is wet. I lean his head back, washing the shampoo out. I watch how the water runs down his features. He brings his head forwards, looking down at me again. Air gets trapped in my lungs as his cerulean eyes set my heart on fire. I admire his gorgeous features before moving my hand up to move a few strands of hair out of his face. He grabs my hips moving me towards the water. The warm water causing me to sigh comfortably. I feel his fingers make small circles on my hips before he moves them up to my hair, brushing my hair out with his fingers.

I watch him grab the shampoo bottle, squeezing some into his hands, rubbing it in before running his fingers through my hair. I relax as I feel his hands cradle my head tenderly, massaging my scalp. I wrap my arms around his neck, closing my eyes, relishing in his touch. He smiles watching me enjoy myself. He admires how beautiful I look standing before him. He becomes so lost looking at me, that he almost forgets what he’s doing. He continues to massage my scalp. He leans my head back and helps me wash my hair out. I look back up at him smiling as I move my hand up to his cheek, wiping some shampoo that managed to get there.

I lean in kissing him on the cheek, feeling his arms wrap around my waist. He turns me around, my back now facing him. He grabs the bar of soap rubbing it between his hands before placing his hands on my shoulders massaging them. I lean back into his chest as I feel him bring his head down to the crook of my neck placing gentle kisses across my skin. He kisses my earlobe before speaking up.

“You’re so beautiful sunshine.”

“Thank you.” I muttered faintly

I feel his hands start to move down to my lower back as he continues to litter my neck and shoulders with kisses

“Turn around.”

I feel his warm breath against my ear as he speaks lowly. I turn around facing him, watching him grab the soap again, rubbing it between his hands before he drops to his knees in front of me. He grabs one of my legs placing it on his shoulder and he starts to massage my leg.

I run my hand through his hair looking down at him in adoration. He watches the soapy water run down my leg before he places a chaste kiss on my inner thigh. I feel his hands move down to my foot massaging it, he hears me sigh in contentment.

“Feel good?”

“Mmm.” I hum in response.

He repeats all the same steps with my other leg before slowly getting up, as he does this his knees crack and buckle a bit. I help him up, giggling to myself.

“See I am gettin’ old.” he chuckles, a slight pout forming across his lips.

I lean in kissing the corner of his lips, his facial expression changing from a pout to a sweet smile. A pink tint spreading across his cheeks.

“You’re so cute.” I state, watching his face change.

His signature Daryl smirk emerges again, his deep eyes filling my heart with love. He grunts nodding.

“Turn around sweetheart.” I say softly.

He turns around his back facing me. I rake my eyes over his broad shoulders and muscled back, looking at his many big scars, remembering everything he told me about his dad. I hated that man, I never understood how he could do such a thing to a kid, and I resented Merle for leaving Daryl in that place allowing their dad to beat him bloody on the daily, often cutting him with his hunting knives. I grab the soap, rubbing it between my hands trying to ignore the tears forming in my eyes.

“Can I?” my voice shaking slightly as I speak

“Yeah.” he says faintly urging me to continue

I place my hands on his shoulders running them down his back wishing I could wash all of his past away. His body softens to my touch. I remember years ago how he would’ve never let me do this feeling too ashamed of his scars. Tears started to well up, threatening to fall from my eyes, but I blinked them away wanting to be strong for him. His dad was a smoker, an alcoholic prick and I knew he didn’t deserve my tears. That thought however didn’t stop when I moved my hands from his back to his arms noticing his cigarette burns remembering how those were self-inflicted. I blink, tears mixing with the water already on my face. The last time I caught him doing that we stayed up all night crying and talking. I hated how much he hurt on a daily basis and how he felt as though he was constantly carrying the world on his shoulders, just for it to crush him over and over again. As if hearing my thoughts he turns around facing me again.

“You okay sunshine?” His voice laced with worry

“Yeah..just thinking.” I speak in a hushed whisper, my voice shaking.

“You don’t have to lie to me y’know.” he moves his hands to my face when he notices my glossy slightly red eyes, cradling my cheeks lovingly.

“I’m okay as long as you’re here with me.”

His words pulled at my heartstrings, his statement replaying in my head hundreds of times feeling more genuine every time.

He leans down kissing me softly pulling away grazing his thumb over my lips.

“I fucking hate your dad.” I look at him smiling, feeling a bit better after this kiss. He looks at me snickering quietly, a weak smile spreading across his lips.

“I know.”

I look at him before dropping to my knees as he watches my movements with glittery eyes. I grab the soap, rubbing it between my hands. I wash both of his legs for a bit.

I slowly get up wrapping my arms around his neck. I feel his hands rest on my hips affectionately as he pulls me in for a surprise kiss.

He pulls away flashing me that smirk of his that I love so much.

“Don’t look at me like that.” I smile shyly at him rubbing soap down his chest.

He looks at me, feeling a little cocky that he can make me feel so shy just by a simple gesture.

“Whatda you mean.” he asks pulling me closer to his chest, trying to play stupid.

“Are you..Daryl Dixon..trying to flirt with me?” I gasp, giggling a bit, my hand moving to my mouth in sarcastic shock.

“N’what if I was.” he states boldly, his voice getting husky. He gathers some soap in his hands running his hands up and down my sides soothingly. I wrap my arms tighter around his neck playing with his hair. His breathing becomes heavy, feeling how close our bodies are. I reach up, planting a soft kiss on his cheek before trailing more kisses down his neck softly.

“Mmm.” he grunts softly “what are ya doin?” he mutters, feeling weak as I work my lips against his neck tenderly.

His strong hands grip my hips as he feels his knees start to buckle.

“Mmm sunshine wait.” he grunts again

I pull my lips away from his neck

“Is everything okay?” I look up at him, his face is red and his eyes are filled with love and desire.

“Yeah, M’fine just..love ya..y’know?”

“I love you too.” I whisper, pressing my forehead against his.

He leans down, capturing my lips with his once again pulling me close to him. I feel his cock start to grow against my stomach. I moan softly, pushing my hips into him. He pulls away hastily, backing up a little.

“M’sorry.” he whispers looking down at the shower floor, anxiety building in his chest.

“For what?” I rest my hand on his chest.

“M’didn’t ask if ya wanted ta”

I move two fingers to his chin lifting his head up to look at me.

“Daryl..it’s okay...I belong to you..you can do whatever you want to me.”

He smiles at me before kissing my lips tenderly, moving his hands back down to my hips, pulling me close again, my stomach grazing his cock gently.

He grunts, allowing his hands to fall over my ass comfortably. I moan quietly into his mouth as he turns us around pushing my back against the wall of the shower gently. I run my hands through his hair, deepening the kiss, feeling his hands move back to my hips. I moan quietly again as he starts grinding his hips into me. He abruptly pulls away from the kiss to turn the water off before taking me into his arms and walking out of the shower. I make a mental note of how sexy his arms look flexed when he picks me up. He places me on the bathroom counter. I yelp quietly, feeling the cold tile against my skin. He looks deeply into my eyes, his hands still gripping my hips tightly, his forehead pressed against mine.

“Can I?” he runs his hands down my thighs, his warm breath tickles my nose as his low voice makes my stomach do backflips.

“Yeah.” my voice shakes a bit as the air in the bathroom becomes hot and thick. He places a soft kiss to my lips before trailing them down my neck and chest. I run my hands through his hair cherishing his touch as he places slow and soft kisses across my chest. He trails them down my stomach, looking at me before he drops to his knees. He throws one of my legs over his shoulder looking at me before spoiling my inner thighs with sweet kisses. I continued to run my hands through his hair, looking down at him. Something about a man as manly as Daryl Dixon on his knees is strange but fitting. I grip his luscious brown hair feeling him move closer to my pussy, I throw my head back moaning under my breath. He lifts his head looking up at me.

“So beautiful..” his breath on my pussy sent shivers up my spine. He places a kiss on top of my pussy before parting his lips allowing his tongue to caress my slit lovingly. I moan gripping his hair tighter, he grunts in satisfaction. The vibrations causing me to throw my head back. I feel him smile against my pussy before taking my clit into his mouth. I wrap my calf around his neck pulling him further into my pussy. He grabs my hips holding them firmly as his lips and tongue make all my nerve endings feel like they’re on fire, causing my legs to shake.

“Mmm..fuck….Daryl..hold on..” my voice trembling

He looks up, his lips covered in me.

“Mmm..ya okay?” he licks his lips, my heart drops “god he’s everything.” I think to myself. I run my hands through his hair.

“Yeah..I’m fine my love.”

He places a gentle kiss on my inner thigh before getting up, becoming eye level with me again. Standing between my legs, his hands still placed on my hips firmly. He leans his forehead against mine.

“Ya sure?” His voice is husky and sweet, filled to the brim with love.

“Mmm.” I manage to hum out through my shaky breath, I clear my throat. “I’m okay I promise.” I bring my hand up to his face.

He leans in kissing me softly, barely touching my lips. He pulls away, bringing his hand to my face.

“I love you so much sunshine.” I nuzzle my cheek into his hand

“I love you too.”

He leans in kissing me deeply, bringing his other hand back down to my hip pulling me closer to him. I wrap my legs around him, bringing my arms around his neck. He picks me up swiftly holding me close in his muscular arms. I yelp quietly.

“I ain’t gonna drop ya sweetheart..I got ya.”

I lean in kissing him deeply, catching him by surprise. He smiles, kissing me back as he walks towards the bathroom door grunting as he opens it, walking us into our shared bedroom. He lays me on the bed gently crawling on top of me, using one of his arms to prop himself up.

He leans down kissing me tenderly, moving his hand down my waist. I shiver as his fingers walk along my skin affectionately.

He pulls away, I groan as his warmth leaves me.

“Mmm.” he smiles at me teasingly.

“Daryl..” I moan quietly feeling his hand back on my waist and his lips nibbling at my ear.

“Y��okay sunshine” I feel him breathe against my ear.

“Mmmm..yeah…”

I feel his lips trail down my neck softly, I relax further into the pillow as I feel his lips work down my chest. He looks at me before taking one of my nipples into his mouth.

“Fuck.” My breathing gets heavier.

“Ya like that” He whispers, still messing with my nipples.

“Mmm.” I nod forcing my lips shut.

He moves his kisses down to my stomach, I feel both of his hands moving to my thighs, spreading them apart. He looks up at me again before placing a tender kiss on the top of my pussy.

I move my hands gripping onto his hair, running my hands through it.

I feel his lips and tongue caress my slit before moving to my clit, sucking on it gently.

“Mmmm fuck.”

I feel him smile against my pussy as I moan, gripping his hair tighter.

He moves away from my pussy and moves back up to my face. I feel one of his hands move down to my pussy, his fingers parting my lips, playing with my clit slowly.

“Mmm….fuck..Daryl…shit..” I moan, my legs twitching.

He smiles watching how good he is making me feel.

“Can I?” he whispers, his voice husky but filled with love and care.

“Yeah..” I nod back at him

He pushes his finger in, watching my face carefully. He kisses me again moving his finger in me gently.

“Yer so beautiful.” he places a soft kiss on my neck, picking up the pace a bit.

He moves his face back down unexpectedly to my pussy, sucking on my clit again.

I throw my head back gripping his hair.

“Oh fuck.” I curse already feeling close.

He adds another finger hearing how good I feel, wanting me to feel more. I watch how his muscles flex as he fingers me, making me more wet.

“Shit.” I curse again feeling his fingers stretch me open.

He continues to suck on my clit moving his fingers in and out of me rhythmically at an agonizingly slow pace.

“Fuck….shit..you’re doing so good.” He smiles slightly as my legs buckle and tremble more, feeling him curl his fingers in me, hitting my g-spot while working his tongue and lips on my clit. My thighs squeeze his head as I grip onto his hair harder.

“Baby I’m so close” I grind my hips against his face.

He parts my thighs moving out of them, I groan frustrated.

“Daryl..” I frown, wrapping my arms around his neck trying to pull him in for a kiss. He complies, kissing me tenderly, tasting me on his lips.

He picks me up again, leaning against the headboard, I settle myself comfortably on his lap, his hands resting on my hips massaging them gently, I smile looking at him.

“What.” he mutters looking at me in adoration,

I run my fingers through his hair.

“You’re so perfect.” I kiss his nose

I pull back watching his eyes soften.

“Mmm” he grunts, nodding his head.

“I’m serious..you’re perfect.”

I lean in kissing him softly wrapping my arms around his neck. He brings one of his hands up, caressing my cheek, I pull away.

“Everything about you is perfect.”

He grunts, chuckling a little before I kiss his cheek trailing the kisses to his jaw, his soft white beard tickling my nose. He tilts his head back allowing me more access to his jaw and neck before sighing quietly. I continue to plant kisses along his neck and chest before moving them to his stomach making sure to kiss every scar on my way down before stopping at his pelvic bone.

“Can I keep going?” I ask him, looking up at him from between his legs.

He licks his lips, nodding his head.

“Mmmh.” He purrs lowly.

I start placing gentle kisses at the base of his cock slowly moving up. I lock eyes with him as I kiss the tip of his cock before taking the tip into my mouth.

“Fuck.” he curses silently under his breath.

I tease the head of his cock slowly with my tongue feeling him grow harder in my mouth.

“Mmmm.” he moans, grabbing my hand.

I take more of his cock into my mouth, wrapping my hand around the base of it. I slowly start to bob my head up and down watching his reactions attentively. He grunts, taking his free hand running it through my hair lovingly before bringing his hand down to hold mine.

“You’re doing so good sunshine.” His praise causing my pussy to ache.

I pick up the pace a bit causing him to throw his head back grabbing my hand harder. I move my head off of him, licking the tip of his cock before taking him into my mouth again.

“Fuck..” he moans reaching his hand to move my hair out of my face caressing my cheek tenderly.

I take his cock out of my mouth again looking at him while placing a kiss on the tip.

“Fuck don’t look at me like tha..”

I smile at him teasingly, taking his cock deeply into my mouth grabbing his thighs. He grunts as his cock hits the back of my throat.

“Oh..fuck.” he moans, continuing to caress my cheek watching me work my mouth up and down his cock

“Yer doin' so well Darlin keep going.”

I bob my head feeling him twitch slightly in my mouth. I feel him start to buck his hips upwards and his grip on my hand gets tighter. I take him out of my mouth slowly watching him sigh heavily, his body shaking a bit.

“Mmm shit.” he laughs softly, trying to catch his breath

“C’mere” his voice is gentle but demanding and teasing.

I crawl up sitting back down on his lap, my ass rubbing against cock as I get comfortable.

I wrap my arms around his neck as he wraps his arms around my waist pulling me closer to him.

“I love ya so much sunshine.” he leans in kissing me tenderly, I relax into the kiss parting my lips allowing his tongue to slip in. His tongue caresses mine softly as his hands hold my hips in place. I purr into the sensation. He pulls away looking at me.

“Ya okay?” he runs his hands up and down my back

“Yeah.” I lean in kissing him deeply again.

He moves his hands down, settling them on my ass. I moan softly as I start to slowly grind on his lap. I trail kisses down his jaw. His grip on my ass tightens as I hear him sigh in my ear. I feel his hand move down in between us, he grabs his cock moving it towards his stomach allowing me to grind on it. I moan feeling the veins of his cock rub my slit. He starts to pepper my jaw and neck with kisses as I bring my hands up to cradle his face. He looks at me with heavy lids.

“Yer so…fuck.” he curses quietly reaching a hand up to caress my face soothingly.

I moan, looking down watching myself grind back and forth on his cock covering him in my juices. He watches me closely, his hands grabbing my hips helping me move against him. I feel his cock twitch against my pussy as I quicken my pace a little.

“Mmmm sunshine..” His voice grows raspy, as his grip on my hips tighten, I rest my hands on his shoulders watching his cock start to leak a bit as I continue to move my hips.

He abruptly holds my hips in place causing me to look at him. He leans into my neck, his breath tickling my ear.

“Can I?” His voice is low and seductive as he reaches his hand down grabbing his cock firmly rubbing it over my clit before lining himself up with my pussy. “Fuck you?” His voice has a hint of desperation to it.

“Yeah.”

He takes his free hand caressing my face before pulling me in for a tender kiss. I feel the tip of his cock glide smoothly across my desperate aching slit causing me to moan softly in his mouth.

“So perfect.” he murmurs, his complement causing me to moan and shiver slightly. “His voice will always do it for me” I think to myself.

“Ready?” he looks at me questioning breathlessly.

I nod my head. He grabs my hips and starts guiding me down slowly onto the tip of his cock. We both sigh in unison.

“So good sunshine..”

I moan, the familiar feeling of his cock stretching me open slowly. I wrap my arms around his neck as the intensity of the stretch heightens, a few strained moans slip from my lips.

“Shh it’s okay..” his voice is sweet and soft as he rubs my hips gently. “Ya okay?”

“Yeah.” I run my hands through his hair affectionately as he continues to guide me slowly down his cock.

“Yer doin' so well sunshine.” he rasped out

While still rubbing gentle circles on my hips, he kisses my cheek, trailing them down to my jaw and then my neck. I moan leaning my head to the side, giving him more access to my neck. I try moving down on his cock further, He holds my hips preventing me.

“Ya have no need ta rush sunshine…” I run my hands through his hair tugging on it a bit. He moans into my neck, his grip tightening at my waist.

“You feel so good..” I sigh

He grunts softly as my ass finally becomes flush with his lap. He breathes heavily in my ear as a loud moan leaves my lips as he bottoms out.

“Oh god..” my voice is shrill as tears brim my eyes.

He kisses my cheek bringing one of his hands up to wipe them away before holding my hip again.

“Shhh..” he runs his hand up and down my waist soothing me as I adjust.

“God. Ya feel so good.” He whispers. His calloused fingertips dancing along my waist.

“Ya take me so well.” His voice is husky and soft, causing me to tighten around him slightly. He hisses before he kisses my forehead, trailing them down my nose before placing a tender kiss on my lips, distracting me as his rough fingertips start rubbing small gentle circles on my clit.

“Oh fuck..” I grip his hair dipping my head in the crook of his neck moaning desperately. I lift my hips slightly, my whole body shaking as I slowly move back down again. I hear him grunt as I try to repeat that action when he grips my hips holding me in place.

“Mmmm I wanna stay like this for a bit.” He grunts, holding me firmly.

He brings one of his hands up to my face, bringing me in and kissing me passionately. His tongue grazes my bottom lip. I allow him in, deepening the kiss. The movement of his rough fingers continue on my clit as I fight back the agonizing urge to start moving my hips. He pulls away looking at me.

“Yer doin' so..” his breath hitches as my lips attach to his neck, kissing and sucking on his burning skin “fuck..” his deep whimper causing my hips to involuntarily buck upwards causing his cock to twitch deep within me.

“Sunshine..” his grip on my hips tightens as he looks at me through heavy-lidded eyes. “Don’t..” his voice deepens further.

I nod my head desperately, wrapping my arms tightly around his neck. He brings two fingers, resting them on my lips, I kiss his fingers before I part my lips, and my tongue dances along his fingertips.

“Mmm” he grunts in approval as other hand continuously massages my hip affectionately. He brings his wet fingers back down to my swollen clit, I moan as his finger makes contact with me again. I pull his hair as his fingers move slowly over my clit overstimulating me beyond belief.

“Daryl…” I tug on his hair trying desperately to withhold moving my hips. I pull him in for a heated kiss as he applies more pressure to my sensitive clit.

“So fuckin good..” he whispers against my lips, my pussy aches at his words.

“I love ya so much sunshine..” he kisses my lips softly.

“I love you too” I wipe a few beads of sweat glistening on his forehead before running my hands through his hair lovingly. He holds my hips firmly.

“Ya ready?” His voice is deep and unsteady.

“Mmmhh yeahh.” I hold his face softly in my hands.

He lifts my hips about a quarter up his cock, The feeling is more than overwhelming. He grunts watching my face contort in pure bliss as strings of moans spill from our lips as he lowers me down slowly. When my ass becomes flush with his lap again my legs shake.

“Ya okay?” He caresses my cheek, tucking some hair behind my ear.

“Yeah” I start to slowly circle my hips around his cock.

“So..good..” he whispers as he runs his hands up and down my back.

I continue my movements, alternating between circling my hips and moving back and forth. His cock rubbing my walls lovingly. I slowly lift my hips looking at him as I run my hands through his hair before moving back down. He hisses, and I continue doing that at an agonizingly slow pace, moans leaving my lips.

He looks up at me, grabbing my waist helping me move on him. I place my hands on his shoulders to stabilize myself, moaning softly.

“Shhh Atta’ girl” he whispers, his cock twitching as his hands caress my waist soothingly. His words of encouragement causing me to tighten around him again.

“Ya like that” his voice is teasing “Yeah…” I mutter out weakly, as he guides my hips up and down matching his pace with mine. It's excruciatingly slow. I tug his hair pressing my forehead to his as he continues to guide my hips.

“Mm I love ya so much.” his voice sounding out of breath as I clenched around him tightly.

“I love you too.” I wrap my arms tightly around his neck as his hips jolt upwards, sending his cock deep within me. I bury my head in his shoulder as he places tender kisses along my neck and shoulders as we move in sync. I lift my head up looking at him, he meets my gaze, wrapping his arms tightly around my waist and hugging me close as he places kisses along my chest before taking one of my nipples in his mouth and sucking lightly, quickening the pace of his hips.

“God, you feel so good darling.” I completely fall apart to his touch while moaning constant words of encouragement. He smiles against my sensitive nipple, grabbing my hips and moving me against him faster. He moves away from my chest looking at me again, leaning back against the headboard.

“Do what ya wanna do sunshine”

I smile leaning in kissing him softly, he hums contently into my mouth. I remember the first time he let me have control over him intimately. It was a big step for him. He always felt like he had to have control over everything and anything, so he wouldn’t get hurt. He felt as though he would die if he was ever caught with his guard down. The first time he let me do this is when I knew he trusted me with his soul. He could put his faith in me for anything. He was willing to be vulnerable around me, around anyone for the first time.

I pull away from the kiss, placing my hands on his chest as I start to move my hips up and down. He closes his eyes, groaning. I keep a steady pace bouncing up and down and gripping onto his chest to hold myself up as I feel my legs become weak. He lazily grabs my hips, biting the inside of his bottom lip.

“Yer so beautiful” he groans, his hand moving up to caress my breast. I continue to bounce up and down swirling my hips occasionally watching my juices pool around the base of his cock and pelvis. His hands move down my back before settling on my ass. I continue my steady pace bouncing slightly faster as I feel him grab my ass firmly.

“Doin' so good..” he grunts, leaning forward wrapping his arms around me. I fall into him as he starts moving in me again unexpectedly.

“Oh..fuck..” moans and soft whimpers fall from my lips as he holds me up flipping us over, my back hitting the soft comforter. He kisses me lovingly before he moves his hand down, his rough thumb rubbing my clit gently, sending waves of pleasure throughout my body causing me to shiver. He captures my lips hungrily, swallowing my moans.

His hand moves away from my clit curling around my waist lifting me off the mattress. Arching my back, the new angle lends his hips becoming pressed tightly with mine, his cock in as far as it can go. My thighs tremble on their own accord, as he pressed his forehead to mine looking down at me with glossy eyes. He inhales sharply as I clench around him, dipping his head in the crook of my neck.

“Gonna make it hard fer me ta last.. huh?” He groans huskily in my ear, the end of his statement coming out as more of a whimper. I moan, biting my lip slightly, wrapping my legs tightly around his waist. My hands gripping the nape of his neck tightly as he pulls out abruptly and pushes back into me again. I yelp in surprise.

“Oh god…” my body spasms as he holds my body close to his, burying his face in my hair.

“Feels so good…” he groans, lightly biting at the shell of my ear.

I start moving my hips against his holding the back of his neck for support. His breath hitches getting caught in his throat. We match our movements holding each other close, sweat forming causing our bodies to stick together. He captures my neck in hot feverish kisses before moving back up to my lips using one hand to caress my face gently, his other hand resting on my hip holding me in place as he makes love to me assisting our movements. His head falls into the crook of my neck, his soft grunts reverberating throughout my entire body. I feel them more than hear them. I grab his face, pulling him up to my lips again, kissing him deeply. One of his hands travels from my hip to my thigh lifting it up a bit. The new angle causing me to moan loudly, biting my lip slightly.

“Oh god…” his cock grazes my g-spot ever so slightly just enough for my body to twitch in his arms. He holds me tighter against him and he kisses me deeply again. The open mouthed kiss only heightening the intimacy shared between us. He pulls away briefly looking down at me, his bangs in his face.

“You okay?” I always admired how he checked up on me while we made love, making sure I was okay every step of the way, never wanting to hurt me or make me uncomfortable.

“Yeah…” my answer coming out breathy and quiet, he leans down capturing my lips for more opened mouthed kisses. I wrap my arms tightly around his shoulders, his hand still holding my thigh, his other hand coming up to cradle my head lovingly, his cock continuing to caress every sweet spot within me, making sure to graze by my g-spot repeatedly. The room only being filled with the obscene wet noises between our bodies, our shared sounds of ecstasy, the moonlight cascading across the room illuminating our unabashed need for each other. He continues to rock my hips kissing me and nipping at my lips, intertwining his tongue with mine taking my breath away.

“Baby…” I hold his face “so good…”

“Yeah?..” his soft grunts and whimpers against my lips getting more frequent. He moves his hand holding my thigh down to my stomach, his thumb rubbing circles over my clit, the rest of his hand over my stomach applying light pressure, his tip hitting my g-spot just enough to bring me to the brink of finishing. My hands moving frantically across parts of his body desperately trying to hold onto him. My hands settle in his hair massaging his scalp, overwhelming tears brimming my eyes.

“Gonna…cu” My breathing hitches, my legs trembling as I tug at his hair.

“I got you sunshine..gonna make ya cum first.. real good mmm” his southern drawl getting more desperate. He applies more pressure on my clit burying his cock to the hilt, my g-spot overstimulated beyond belief, my clit swollen, my walls tightening around him, beckoning his own release. He closes his eyes briefly to hold back before looking back at my face, pressing his forehead to mine, and cradling my head petting my hair lovingly.

“I love you so much sunshine” his voice faltering and deep barely above a whisper as he holds back his release.

“I love you too…” I’m barely able to mutter out the words, my voice hoarse and throat dry. His thumb working on my clit, the rest of his hand applying the most perfect amount of pressure on my lower stomach, his cock constantly kissing my g-spot. My stomach heats up. I know I’m not gonna last much longer, his cock twitching in me and his soft grunts getting louder letting me know he’s not far behind.

“I…” my jaw falls slack, my eyes rolling back as I moan loudly.

“Mmm cum..ugh..now…”

His deep southern drawl bringing me over the edge, his pressure on my stomach and clit never letting up as he continues to make love to me, all of the built-up burning fervor causing me to squirt coating his cock, pelvis, and the sheets under us.

“Fuck..” his body shakes as he holds my limp body close coaxing me through my intense orgasm.

“Mm..you okay?..” I nod, not being able to speak as he continues to move in me, chasing his own impending release.

“So good..fuck..” he continues to murmur praises moving both of his hands up to cradle my face, his thumbs rubbing my cheeks.

“Feel so fucking good..gonna...” his voice ringing in my ears his forehead still pressed to mine. My eyes finally opened locking eyes with him, bringing him over the edge. My pussy clenches around him, he grunts my name loudly spilling his love deep inside me. A long drawl of curses spill from his lips as my walls and whole body hug him through his release. Time feels like it stops as our movement slows down to a complete stop. We lay there basking in the afterglow of the intense exchange, lovingly caressing each other’s bodies. One of his hands remained on my face brushing a few strands of hair out of the way and sweat in the process, his other hand moving down to caress slow soothing circles on my hip. My arms fall from around his shoulders to his upper arms, rubbing them tenderly before moving back up to his shoulders and upper back, massaging it softly. I wrap my arms around his neck, my fingers running through his scalp, feeling his whole body go soft under my touch. Our breathing is still unsteady as we relax into each other.

He peppers soft kisses all over my face before moving to my lips kissing me tenderly I hum into the kiss contently continuing to massage his scalp. He kisses my cheek, clearing his throat before speaking.

“You okay sunshine?” His voice is deep and hoarse, I smile at him lovingly.

“Mmm” I nod my head bringing one of my hands up to caress his cheek moving his bangs out of his face and wiping sweat. He leans into my touch kissing the side of my hand tenderly, nuzzling into it.

“I love ya sunshine” he leans down to capture my lips in a tender kiss again.

“I love you too”

————————————————————————————

A/N Holy shit this took way too long for me to finish.

💋💋💋💋

#daryl dixon #the walking dead daryl #daryl dixon smut #fluff #fanfic #i need him #i want him #its a need

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idyllic-affections · 1 year

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HIII!

What are your thoughts on Kaveh's childe being a dancer??

I'm kinda self projecting on this one bcs I like to dance myself (mainly kpop) but I wanted to know what you thought of that ☆(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*

(Sorry if it's not clear/understandable english is not my first language (ʘᴗʘ))

what if kaveh's child wanted to be a dancer?

summary. how would kaveh react if his child wanted to become a dancer?

trigger & content warnings. no applicable warnings.

tropes, pairings, fic length, & other notes. fluff. adoptive dad!kaveh & reader, nilou & reader, cyno & reader. 0.6k words. they/them pronouns for reader. this post is an expansion of what if kaveh adopted a child?

author's thoughts. don't worry, dear!! your english is great, no need to apologize <3 this idea is so cute tbh. i love the idea of kaveh's kid being artistic. every time i get an ask like this one, it makes me so happy. it's so cute to me! artistic kaveh and his artistic child <33

in short, kaveh would wholeheartedly support his kid.

that is a given, of course—he's probably sumeru's most supportive father, really. he only wants his child to be happy and healthy. anything his kid wants to pursue, he's right there cheering them on, doing whatever he can to help them research it or gather materials for it. whatever it is that their interest demands, he will do his best to attain it. thankfully, while kaveh is broke, alhaitham has the mora to fund their interests and does happen to have a little soft spot for them, so he gladly does so when kaveh cannot afford to. he doesn't make kaveh pay him back, because really...

alhaitham has long since accepted that he is, in part, responsible for [name]. he is one of their caretakers. it is his responsibility to help enrich their life.

cyno also has the mora to help out. like haitham, he has a soft spot for them, so their hobbies are usually funded by either the scribe or the general mahamatra.

(cyno isn't supposed to fund their artistic hobbies, but we'll explore that idea later on in this post.)

kaveh does worry, however.

i've always imagined that kaveh adopts his child a good while before the sumeru archon quests—several years, at least. if his child wanted to be a dancer... well, he'd do all he could to protect them from the akademiya, sneaking them into zubayr theater so they can watch all the performances that their heart desires (and he also loves watching the theater, so it's something he's glad to share with his child). i imagine that cyno would find out about this eventually. as a matra, it's his job to... stop it, or discourage it at the very least. he has to uphold the akadmeiya's rules. he has to.

...he just cannot bring himself to do it, however. the way their eyes sparkle when they watch the dancers preform... archons, the thought of betraying the trust they have put in him, betraying the trust he's built with them by caring for them in their younger years, it greatly unsettles him.

he can't crush their soul like that. he's very relieved when the sages get overthrown. he would never want to do anything to hurt them, especially when he knows that his actions will undoubtedly be harmful. trust is a fragile thing. it can only be built up after months or years of hard work, yet can shatter in a fraction of the time.

the general mahamatra is just... so, so relieved that he doesn't have to hide them from the sages anymore.

his nibling's (gn alternative to niece/nephew) passion is not something meant to be hidden.

can you imagine nilou teaching them to dance, though? i think it'd be very cute! she'd totally do it if kaveh ever approached her and asked.

she would love them, gently correcting any missteps they make and excitedly praising them when they master a difficult choreography. nilou would think of them fondly, like a little dance apprentice! she's not quite mature enough to be seen as a mother figure, however. she's more akin to another big sister to them, like collei.

(i also like to think that, in a cruel twist of fate, [name] eventually gets a hydro vision, as if the hydro archon's gaze was always cast upon them even after they left fontaine. nilou would be the one to teach them how to use it, teach them how to associate it with better feelings and memories. <3)

when sumeru comes out of its oppresive state and the arts are welcomed as they always should have been, [name]'s lil found family will all attend their first official performance with nilou. nilou wouldn't let them perform prior to that out of concern for their safety.

kaveh, alhaitham, cyno, tighnari, and collei really are their greatest cheerleaders in life.

adoptive dad!kaveh taglist: @kaoyamamegami, @zeldadou, @bebobeboben. send a non-anonymous ask to be added. please consider reblogging, it helps me out quite a lot!

#aphelion brainrots 🌸#: [ adoptive dad kaveh! 🌸 ]#favoniuslibrary #astronetwrk #platonic genshin #platonic genshin impact #platonic genshin impact x reader #platonic genshin x reader #kaveh x reader #platonic kaveh x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin platonic #genshin x reader

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narniangirl1994 · 1 year

Text

While I think the 'thank you' and 'fuck you' speech Ted gave his mom worked in the context of their relationship - seeing as he was thanking her for the loving and supporting things she did over the years while expressing his hurt over the other ways in which she hurt him, I do NOT think it worked in the context of Jamie and his dad.

Jamie saying he'd want to say both fuck you and thank you to his own dad - likely because he believes his dad's abuse is what gave him the drive to succeed in football - might make sense for his character to feel, but should not have been backed up by the narrative like it was.

Between Ted's line last season about successful people often having dads who were hard on them and the bits in this episode of Jamie forgiving and reaching out to his dad, the narrative genuinely seems to be saying the abuse Jamie experienced helped make him the athlete he is today.

And that interpretation really bothers me. Especially because you see it in other shows and real life.

Just like the line "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger," a lot of people seem to think hardship and abuse makes people stronger/more motivated. But in reality, abuse tends to hinder people on their life journey - not the other way around - by making them more scared/anxious, doubtful, sad, blinded by anger, isolated, etc.

Take it from someone with perfectionism that stems in part from my own childhood experiences and anxiety, I think that has caused me more issues than it has helped me over the years. Even though I've always been decently 'successful' at certain things (ie: school, work), I really wonder if I could have actually accomplished more - or at least accomplished the same things without the extra struggles/stress - if I wasn't constantly worried about having to be perfect.

Jamie being a prick to his teammates (because he felt like he needed to be tough to get his dad off his back) was even shown to be detrimental to his team's success and his individual success as a player. And Jamie's fear over his father's presence and criticism both at Wembley and at the Manchester City stadiums were shown to make him more distracted and prone to errors.

It was once Jamie started working with his teammates, accepting guidance from others, and receiving their unconditional support, that he grew and improved as a player. Hence why this was the first year he made the national team. He's got plenty of talent and it's quite possible he would have had the drive, just from something else, if his dad didn't abuse him. I could easily see a desire to play alongside his hero (Roy) or make his hometown proud serving as helpful motivators for him growing up.

But even if Jamie WAS a worse player or never got this far without his dad's abuse motivating him...who cares? You can't tell me he wouldn't have been a much happier, healthier person without that abuse in his life. So the idea so many narratives and real life people push that there is a silver lining to abuse or that abuse is solely responsible for someone's success is a harmful one that seems to imply abuse is worth it in a way or that abuse victims should be grateful for the good that came out of it.

It's one thing to want to thank a complicated parent for the good that they did bring to your life even if they also brought some bad. But it's an entirely separate thing to thank a complicated parent specifically for the objectively terrible things they did to you, just because it may or may not (most likely did not) have the side effect of making you more successful.

I really wish writers would put a little more thought into narratives that would seem to support this idea. It just really takes away from so many other positive - or frankly more realistic - messages they could go with instead.

#jamie tartt #ted lasso spoilers #ted lasso #james tartt #cw abuse #ted lasso negativity #again i like the show overall #and think they've had some very lovely moments and plots #but various aspects of this season are not sitting right with me #like the weird conclusion to the hate crime storyline for sam #or the lack of resolution to beard's abusive relationship #and now this stuff with jamie #arguably some of the stuff with shandy and jack #i just feel like they could have been handled a bit differently to make it less simplified or black and white #and to be clear #real life people are within their rights to feel this way!#im not trying to tell people who experienced abuse that they cant feel this about their own abuser #im referring to storylines that back this idea up #ted lasso meta #my meta

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memestockpile · 5 months

Text

stars in my crown (1950) feel free to change as needed.

hearing it takes me back to the old times when i was young.

i just have to shut my eyes, and i'm there.

i reckon we'd best begin at the beginning.

my parents died when i was small.

honey, what gives you the idea i'm laughing at you?

you ought to feel ashamed of yourself.

this morning was the last straw.

you're not going to run around barefoot on the sabbath.

don't be shy about expressing your desires.

i just seen a big old catfish come sneaking this way.

that isn't what i asked you.

i'm just too old to make a change.

i wouldn't want that on my conscience.

many happy returns.

i don't want to make no trouble for nobody.

just saying a good thing don't make it so.

guess you ain't heard the news.

you got the lord on your side.

i think we'll get along without any help from the lord.

what are you running away for?

don't you think that's about enough?

you never learned to protect your rear.

put your feet up and be comfortable.

you look spryer than a jaybird to me.

for once, i hope you're wrong.

you're a dad-blamed detective.

take your hat off and stay awhile.

don't do no harm to make plans, son.

little long on education and a little short on sense.

i've come to say a prayer.

what have you done to your hand?

if the lord wants a person bad enough, it's not up to him to stand in the way.

i love and admire my father, but that doesn't mean that i have to accept his ways.

see? that's all there is to it.

now, you're not going to make a fuss about a little thing like that, are you?

come on, pinhead.

what makes you think i never saw fishhook before?

i was just talking. you don't have to listen.

what's the good of being god if you can't have all the fun?

i don't think that's very funny.

you hungry? of course you are. i never seen a kid your age yet that wasn't.

wouldn't you like to see something different on the table for a change?

you haven't slept for days. i'm gonna put you to bed.

just lie down a little while, honey.

days sure seem like years at a time like this.

a little boy doesn't always understand that you love him and still speak sharply to him.

every man born has something the matter with him, and if you're looking for the perfect man, you'll never find him.

you're going to keep on. the same as always.

if you're going out, put on your other coat.

what you want now is so much more than i can give you.

well, boy, come in this house.

we can't know everything, honey.

your business is interfering with mine.

if you want to come, you'll have to come like i tell you, and on my terms.

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baradorable · 1 year

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Name: Rift (Raymond Cruz) Age: Thirties Gender: Male Species: Human (Mutant) Occupation: Freelancer/Mercenary Allegiance: Krakoa (Former), Orchis (Former)

Art done by GeckoBara

This is my X-Men OC. Rift, AKA Raymond Cruz, is a mutant with the power to create portals. His abilities have made him a top asset for many groups.

Personality

Rift is the "love 'em and leave 'em" type. Since he can always just use portals to leave any situation he wants, he's quick to ditch relationships and situations when things hit a rough patch. He does that with most situations, really. He's a mercenary, though he won't do anything he deems too evil, like kidnapping or murder. He's still willing to commit other crimes if they pay well. And given how useful his powers are, he makes sure to charge a lot for his services.

He's smart, charismatic, and able to analyze situations well. He's strategic. Which makes him dangerous. He has a competitive side, which can sometimes slip out on the field. If you're able to get him in the right mindset, you can get him to forget his carefully-crafted plans and possibly mess up.

Because he invested a lot of time in developing his powers, he's come up with a lot of strategies to fully exploit them. He knows his limits and potential well. He takes pride in his abilities and the need people have for them. So he gets jealous interacting with someone more powerful than him. His worst trait is that he'll try to one-up these people. In extreme cases, he might even try to sabotage them to bring them down. He's backstabbed some of his fellow mercs to ensure he comes out on top.

Part of this is a desire to be liked. He grew up in a very anti-mutant world, so he's used to being disliked for who he is. He secretly craves validation. Since he abandons people quickly, he struggles to form strong bonds. On the rare occasions he finds a serious relationship with someone, his jealousy and competitive often lead him to sabotaging anyone he sees as a threat to the relationship.

When he’s off-duty and walking around in his normal life, he takes on the persona of a shallow himbo. He speaks in a flighty tone, seemingly misses big social cues, and freely speaks his mind in a way that can inadvertently hurt someone's feelings. He's cultivated the image of a in idiot for his own gain. It's a persona that allows him to have fun and avoid showing his true self; someone who strives to be perfect and beloved. After all, it hurts when people reject the real you. But if they reject the mask you put on - the act that doesn't represent the real you - then there's no harm done.

TL;DR: He's smart and hot. He's flaky and possessive. But he's hot, so it's okay. He's a good guy. He's just not a nice guy.

Backstory

Rift is American. His mother immigrated from Ireland in the mid or late '80's. His dad was born in America, but I haven't decided where his family is from. I'm thinking Portuguese, just for some self-indulgence. But also because Marvel doesn't have any Portuguese heroes at the moment.

His powers activated when he was 14, and he would spend the next several years working on developing his powers. He'd frequently ditch school or home, due to anti-mutant sentiment held by the people around him. He ended up developing some prejudices towards humans.

He ended up making a business out of transporting people around. Think Uber, but faster and with more range. Once word of his powers got around, various organizations began to seek him out. Rift would eventually parlay into full freelance mercenary and spy work.

Here's my idea of how he fits into the Marvel universe. You can ignore this if you don’t follow X-Men continuity.

He was one of the mutants depowered by M-Day, but came to Krakoa and got resurrected to get this powers back. His natural prejudice towards humans made him predisposed to liking the nation, and he was willing to lend his services to X-Force in order to help mutants.

However, the Five were very hesitant to remove his secondary, eye-based mutation; one he always kept hidden out of resentment and disgust. Many other mutants insisted the should keep his extra eyes and take pride in being different. Empty platitudes that he found patronizing. So he left and continued his work as a freelancer.

He ended up coming across Orchis, who would hire him on to spy on Krakoans and allow them to move around the world without notice. Orchis is an organization made up of people from several groups (S.H.I.E.L.D., A.I.M., HYDRA, etc.) to deal with the threat of humans becoming extinct and supplanted by mutants.

While he knew they were anti-mutant, He was unaware just how anti-mutant they actually are. They paid well, so he could stand to put up with them if he got something out of it. And it put him in conflict with other mutants, so he'd always have the opportunity to test his powers.

Of course, come Fall of X, they inevitably betrayed him and every other mutant. He was on a mission to Arakko during the third Hellfire Gala, thus avoiding most of the chaos. Once he heard about how Orchis attacked Krakoa, he fled to deep space and stayed there for a few months.

After Fall of X, he returned to Earth. He hated humans even more after they supported Orchis’ anti-mutant tactics. But he also hated the X-Men, since they and the leaders of Krakoa let the only sanctuary for mutants fall.

Job

He's a "freelancer" (read: mercenary) who works with various groups. His official codename is Rift, but for various business-related reasons, he's also known by several aliases: Bluebird, Luscinia, Luzon, Cardinal, Ripple, and Thrush.

He'll use a different name to obscure his identity, or know what kind of group is hiring him. For example, one criminal organization calls him Cardinal. Anyone who calls him by that name is likely associated with that organization. The NYPD know him as Luscinia.

He has different ways for people to contact him, and the type of name they use for him tells him what kind of work they have in mind, or who's hiring him. The goal is to keep everything separate, & being able to filter what kind of job he chooses to accept. (It's actually a lot more complex than having different phone numbers, but I'm giving you the simplified take.)

He doesn't kill, and he avoids directly harming innocent people. Spying, stealing information and theft are okay though.

Portal Power

Rift’s main power is to create portals, which he uses to spy on others, transport people, smuggle things, or create diversions. He rarely fights people directly; instead, he uses his powers to mess with the field. When creating a portal, one will open up close to him, and will connect to a portal that will appear at his desired location. His range is about 15,000 km. He can't access other dimensions through his power, but he can teleport around a dimension he's currently in.

His powers require him to see a location in front of him, or to have been there before. Otherwise, his powers "guess" the location, and open a portal to a completely random location on the planet, usually within two thousand miles of his current location. His power is also location-based, not person-based; he can't specifically try to find a person unless he knows their exact location. So no thinking of Spider-Man and trying to catch him at home.

These portals, once opened, can exist independently of Rift. He usually wills them to close instantly after he uses them, and can choose for how long they remain open Otherwise, they close after about two minutes, regardless if they're used. The portals can be any size, as long as they fall under 24 feet in diameter; they can't grow beyond that to accommodate travel for larger opens or things. There are no limits as to how many people can go through.

The number of portals active depend on their size. So he can create a lot of small, hand-sized portals at once, but only two 12 foot portals. Distance has no affect on his ability to make portals, though firing off too many portals in rapid succession will tire him out.

A cool side-effect of his portals is they won't bring anyone to a place that's impossible to visit. You can't be brought to the inside of a solid object, or in an area too small for one to logically fit. The powers can drop you into the ocean, but they won't place you inside a whale or trap you halfway through a statue. Because of this limitation, Rift can't open up a portal inside your guts, or force you through a portal into a chest at the bottom of the sea.

Other Notable Techniques

Moo-neuver: He opens a portal and lets stampeding cattle run over his opponents.

Torrent: Opens a portal to somewhere in the ocean, shooting forth a torrent of water at a target.

Smokescreen: By opening a portal above a factory chimney, he blasts his opponent with smoke.

Perfect Aim: If he has a firearm, he can open up one portal at the top of his gun, and and another in front of the target. By sending the projectile through the portal, he’s almost guaranteed to hit his target and avoid anything getting in the crossfire.

Black Hole: A theory, one he hasn’t tested out. What happens if you open a portal inside another portal? Or if two portals open into each other? Can two locations exist in the same place, at the same time? This results in neutron degeneracy pressure, where the rifts collapse in on each other to create a black hole.

Scatter Slap: A secret technique he hasn’t discovered yet. He can touch something and open up countless tiny portals on a molecular level, getting in-between a person’s molecules/atoms/whatever the hell. This would let him instantly scatter someone or something across the world with his powers. Instant vaporization.

Secondary Mutation

He has another mutation: red eyes that grow on his arms. They're basically like tattoos, but become actual eyes when exposed to enough direct sunlight. The more sunlight his body gets, the more eyes appear. His skin will also turn red, and the eyes on his face will turn red, and gain black sclera. They can blink and look around independently, but he currently has no control over them, nor can he see through them. Without sunlight, he begins to revert to his usual state.

He's ashamed of this mutation, so he always covers up.

He doesn't know it, but should he let his second mutation run its course, he'll be able to see from all of these eyes at once. If someone makes eye contact with them, the eyes can temporarily "steal" their sight, giving Rift the ability to see through that person's eyes. Meanwhile, that person now sees from one of the eyes on Rift's body. It's a very disorienting power.

His primary power is about escaping and providing his own personal freedom. His secondary power is about trapping others and taking things away from them. I feel like it's a good metaphor for his personality: he's flexible and living his best life, but has a sinister, controlling side that even he isn't fully aware of.

Trivia

Time for some fun

He’s bisexual. He leans more towards women, romantically. He leans towards men, sexually.

Claims to be a top, since one-upping and dominating others is his thing. But he’s actually verse top.

Has used his powers during sex.

He’s definitely a dom in bed. Very kinky, very in control. But sometimes, with the right partner, he’s can turn into the biggest sub you can imagine.

He used to have casual sex with a human friend who admired his eye-based mutation. That something Rift hated about himself was beautiful to him. This friend took Mothervine to try and force a mutation in himself, but would end up dying from the result. As he was dying, Rift broke him out of the hospital so they could spend their final moments at their favorite beach.

Expert frotter.

He’s a quarter fairy. He has the potential to learn magic, but doesn’t know it. I like to imagine this magic would let him access Otherworld, or other dimensions.

#barannoying

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roman-roy-apologist · 2 years

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Ok anyone who’s better at Words and Thoughts than me feel free to make my rambles coherent but like, brad in the way others perceive him is not worse in terms of morality and/or being a “good person” than many of the other high-ranking people working at mythic quest (poppy and ian specifically).

Let’s start with Ian because him and brad are quite similar characters. They both come from abusive households, put up walls to hide their emotions and truly care about mythic quest. This is important to note because Ian (and brad but i will get to this part later) often does real harm to the people around him.

For example, Poppy, in s1 ep08 when she tries to leave mythic quest, intentionally or not (this is unclear to me) Ian does make his emotional issues Poppy’s problem and ends up emotionally manipulating her multiple times.

He is also shown to be incredibly uncaring about any of the employees at mythic quest. That said he isn’t just a horrible person (and much of this behaviour is a product of the abuse he suffered at the hands of his father).

At the end of s2 he learned to treat Poppy with respect but still treats many of his workers and co-workers pretty badly.

On the other hand, Brad has done very similar things. He emotionally manipulated his co-workers.

Right?

Well, the short answer is yes.

The long answer is.. kind of?

Let’s take for example s1 ep10 when they are in quarantine David asks Brad to donate money to charity and Brad refuses. Pretty straightforward dickhead move. They end up playing street fighter to settle the donation. Brad wins every time but still donates the money to charity and even triples the donation.

Still important to mention is what David had to do when he lost. Brad made David (1) shave off an eyebrow, (2) shave off an eyelash, and (3) shave his moustache.

So you might be asking why?

Why make David do this if he was planning on making the donation already?

Brad says in the show he needed to get something from it, and he did “David’s dignity”. I believe that it has to do with something different though.

And yes, on some level Brad does believe this and to some extent it may even be true, but Brad also does feel an innate desire to help people that has been forced out of him by Zack and his dad, so now brad has to frame acts of kindness as favours or transactions to prove to them (but mostly to himself) that he isn’t weak.

Another example of this is Brad getting Dana her job back and telling Rachel the he “owns her” but never doing anything about it.

The biggest example of this though, is the last episode of s2 when he goes to prison for Jo. Saying he had done it for “street cred” when it was clearly because he cared about Jo. This is so heartbreaking because Zack was the one to trick Jo into insider trading and Brad was the one to take the fall. This, in Brad’s mind make him weak (“a pussy”) and Zack strong (“a shark”) so he has to frame it as his own decision because then Zack can’t always be in control.

(Sorry if that last bit didn’t really make sense lol)

I would now like to move on to Poppy. Her and Brad are also quite similar. Both being made to feel less then by important figures in their lives (Ian and Zack), have severe control issues and like Ian, also put up walls for their emotions, albeit in different ways.

Poppy’s views on Brad have a lot to do with her sense of moral superiority. She thinks she’s better than Brad because he’s a “soulless money suck” but also because she feels like she deserves what she has, unlike how she feels about Brad.

This, however does nothing to soften the blow of her treating her coders (when she was head programmer), workers (when she was/is co-creative director), and Dana (when she was working for Poppy).

The mistreatment of these people displays her need for control (similarity to Brad) but also a manifestation of the way she has been treated (by Ian). In a cycle of abuse where everyone is treated terribly until they make it and then can treat everyone else terribly.

So, in a way it’s not Poppy’s fault.

She’s a product of the system.

But if she can recognize her own behaviour as ok or justified why isn’t the behaviour of brad also justified?

It’s because Poppy has a narrow-minded view of right/wrong and good/bad.

This leads to her believing that as long as in the end she is “right” (creative, imaginative, in control of herself and othersetc) it doesn’t matter how she got there because she is “good”, because Brad is “wrong” (focused on money, greedy in control of himself and others) which makes him “bad”.

In conclusion Ian’s lack of emotional intelligence and Poppy’s sense of moral superiority do not make either of them better (or worse) than Brad. Everyone is flawed, and comparing the morality of three different people? although similar, in different circumstances, and living different lives is pointless and arguably impossible.

#mq #mythic quest #poppy li #ian grimm #brad bakshi #jo mythic quest #jo mq #dana mythic quest #dana mq #rachel mythic quest #rachel mq #zack bakshi #zach bakshi #long post #theo.txt #god i’m so dumb how could i forget david #david brittlesbee #idk what to tag this i just want ppl to see it #i worked so hard on these thoughts and i feel like i articulated them pretty well

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dracomeir · 7 months

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Just 'cause I'm really intrigued by this (and more or less tempted to draw..) do you have any designs/references for your Renegade Detective AU gang? Could help to also ramble a bit on their world and setting, even if you don't write it out. Always cool to get info about these fellas, might even help you brainstorm on plots and such for later whenever : )

Luckily for me, this is literally the only AU I have planned start to finish. I could write a whole essay, but I don't want to drop everything at once right now. :3

Also to anyone reading this, spoilers but not really since all of this would be in the prologue/chapter one, and I'm like 70% sure I'll never write this fanfic, but still.

So I'm lazy, and can't be bothered to redraw OG Pico into what Soft Pico is wearing, but that's basically what the uniform of the SCF (Special Crime Forces) is. This squad was created with Detective Pico as its leader, and they deal with any crimes where demons are involved. Forensics scientist Darnell wears a purple shirt. He's also the one who creates weapons, sprays, tranquilizers, and any other means of self defense that are effective against demons. Criminal analyst Nene wears pink. She gathers intel from less legitimate sources, keeps an eye on the black market for items of interests, and helps Pico determine what a suspect's next course of an action could be. She also tore the sleeves off of her blazer since she gives no fucks, and the higher ups can't do shit about it since Pico and his crew are the only one with the balls to deal with demons.

Pico is the only one of the trio to have dual pistols. One is a black one called Noir. He uses this gun for humans, and other creatures that don't require magical means to be harmed. His runic pistol is white, and is called Blanc. BF gave this to him back in college, and its enchanted by magical runes that allow him to harm demons, or any other entity that can't be harmed by non-magical means. He is considered a renegade in the force since he will break protocols/the law, and disobey orders if it meant saving the lives of others. Due to him and his squad being the only ones capable of dealing with demons, he hasn't gotten fired for his insubordination yet.

I quickly drew BF's design since I never drew him in full yet, but just imagine him with his usual hair, and pants matching his vest. The lines on his horns represent his energy level. This energy is required for him to live, and incubi/succubi can regain this energy by simply seeing certain thoughts/desires of those around them. Unfortunately for BF, he is unable to gain the energy he needs like others of his kind. This is due to an arch demon punishing him with a curse for betraying the clan, and preventing them from killing Pico, Darnell, Nene, and other students at college. This curse harms him if he doesn't actively block out the desires of others, and the only way for him to regain energy is to take the souls of others, killing them in the process. No one else knows about this until way later in the story. This demon attack on the college was also the reason why BF was forced to drop his human illusion, and his use of charm magic in combat causes Pico to jump to the conclusion that the incubus charmed him to make him fall in love, and breaks up with him. With the bad reputation of his kind at this point of time, BF had no chance to explain himself.

BF doesn't see Pico again until a few years later where a new program that employs demons as emotional support was made. This program is an attempt to improve the reputation of demons, and to show the general public that not all demons are a threat. With the help of the ginger's father (tank dad, yippee!), BF convinces the ginger to put an anti-magic bracelet on him to prove that no magic will get in the way of regaining his trust. He also cooks for him, plays his saxophone for BGM despite Pico's annoyance, and helps him fight demons once the detective trusts him enough to not use magic on him or his friends.

To give you a better idea what BF and Pico's dynamic will be like, here's a short dialogue exchange between the two of them when the ginger trusts BF enough to use lower level magic. A level of magic that allows him to see the thoughts/desires of others.

"Thanks, Pico. I promise to only look when I really need the ener- Wait. Why is your head empty?"

Pico simply shrugged in response despite knowing he had protection against the magic BF was using.

"Has your standards gotten higher since we broke up? Is my ass too small? Too big? Is my chest window not big enough? Is lean and muscular not good enough for you now? Do I have to work out?" He looked at himself in the mirror. "Actually, fuck everything I just said. I'm perfect the way I am. Still though, there's a hottie right in front of you, and you don't even have the smallest dirty thought of him?"

"Hm... Maybe you're not trying hard enough."

"Excuse me? You have no fucking idea how hard it is," he gestured to himself as he walked away to question his abilities as an incubus. "To look this good. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to... Do maintenance on my saxophone."

The moment the door closed, Pico chuckled to himself. "Fucking idiot."

Edit: I forgor that Pico wears reading glasses.

#asks #spoilers #fnf #friday night funkin #incubus boyfriend #detective pico #bf x pico #FNF Renegade Detective #this is my first time lore dumping to someone :D #for those of you who read Funkin' Adventures you better know what blanc & noir could mean in this AU #if you don't I'll be disappointed :c #BF's music is how he fights #Some sweet jazz to end you with #he's basically a modern day d&d bard okay #now that I think about it all my stories are clusterfucks of a campaign #but that's okay they're so much fun

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casspurrjoybell-17 · 2 years

Text

HEART'S DESIRE - CHAPTER 33

*Warning: Adult Content*

After breakfast, Montreal Hunter, helps his father with the dishes, washing and rinsing them in a pair of big, outdoor basins.

"So, how's it feel?" Monty asks, handing Joseph Hunter a clean pan to dry. "Giving up the Alpha, I mean."

Mr Hunter takes the pan and dries it carefully.

"Good, in a way. Like setting down a load I'd forgotten I was carrying. Course, I worry for my boy. Dane's got a habit of picking up loads that aren't his to carry."

Monty glances aside to where his elder brother, Alpha Dane Hunter sits with his mate, Julian Hart and their children, at the table beneath the spreading boughs of the old tree, looking both wild and regal, the Wolf lord and his Fae prince.

"He carries it well, though," Monty says.

Mr Hunter smiles.

The morning light catches in his gray hair and his face bears the marks of many years but his back is straight and his spirit is strong.

"That he does," he says, allowing a hint of pride into his tone.

"And what about you, Montreal? How does it feel to be Mated at last?"

Monty’s face warms and he plunges his hands in the soapy water, fishing for another dish.

"Good. Happy."

"Good. I want to see all my children happy before I'm called to the great Wild beyond."

"Hey now, none of that."

Monty keeps his tone light but his heart constricts at his words. He hands his father a platter and he wipes it dry.

"No harm being realistic. You heard what Doc Meyer said."

"She said you'd be fine, long as you take care of yourself."

"Gotta listen between the lines, son," he says, his dark eyes glinting as he looks askance at me.

"Lot of 'ifs' in there."

"Dad."

Mr Hunter waves his hand at his son.

"Stop. It is what it is and I'm not going anywhere yet. Figure I got a few good years left in me. Best to keep expectation low, is all. Better to be pleasantly surprised than to hope the moon never sets and be disappointed when it does."

Monty hands him another dish and he dries it before placing it in the stack.

"Anyways, there are many roads to happiness. Finding a Mate's just one of 'em. Plenty folks, Wolves included, live full, joyous lives without ever focusing all their love on one person. You, though..." he glances at Monty again. "I think you need somebody to love you, Montreal and I'm glad you found that in Kit."

Monty looks over to where his little fox lover sits with Noah and Sasha, the former showing him how to download books to a tablet the latter had given him and his face warms again.

"Me, too, Dad."

Mr Hunter flicks his son playfully with his towel, prompting him to get back to work and wash the next dish.

"Hey, once all this blows over," he says, as if all their troubles are a small, passing thunderstorm,

"We'll have a proper celebration for you two. Maybe in the spring. I always thought Wolf weddings should be spring affairs."

"I'd like that," Monty says, feeling his face grow warmer still.

Monty can see it clearly in his mind. Kit, looking like a little slice of heaven, with flowers in his hair.

~ ☾ ~

The following days are busy and exhausting, as Dane puts them all to work, training for battle.

Some are already well-honed weapons, like Freya but some of us are a little out of practice when it comes to Wolf warfare.

Sasha throws herself into it with surprising vigor, finding emotional release in physical exertion and even the Outcasts join in, Ophelia runs with the Wolves, while Ed watches little Kitka and the twins.

Julian, Ambrose and Darius each have their own strengths and as Monty watches them, he can't help thinking Dire Ferrault would be a fool to attack them outright.

Noah agrees.

"That's why he'll go the 'Challenge' route," he says, sitting beside Monty on a fallen log as they take a break from 'practice' to eat some lunch.

"One-on-one, Alpha-to-Alpha. Either he wins and takes our Pack or Dane wins and sends his packing."

"What's the point of all this, then?" Ed asks, pouring Sasha a glass of lemonade from the pitcher.

"If y'all are just gonna follow these 'Wolf rules' anyway?"

Noah pushes his glasses up his nose.

"If we can avoid unnecessary bloodshed, we will," he says.

"That's why the Challenge exists, it stops Packs from tearing each other to shreds by letting the leaders do the fighting. But we have to be ready to defend ourselves, nonetheless. Ferrault wants our territory, he's less interested in our Pack, especially our non-traditional members. If things go badly, everyone who's not a full-blooded Wolf will be in danger."

Monty Hunter look around.

Not a full-blooded Wolf, covers a good portion of the people he loves.

Elena snorts.

She sits across from them with her husband, Martin on another bench-like log, clothed in a loose robe for ease of Shifting form.

Monty had been a bit surprised when she'd joined them but he’s less surprised to hear her express herself now.

"This is the trouble with mating outside the Packs," she says.

"Diluted blood is weak blood and weak blood makes a weak Pack. The rest of us suffer for it."

"Elena..." Martin remonstrates gently.

"That isn't true."

"Isn't it?" she snaps, her eyes cold and hard.

"Why should our children be endangered for your brother's..." she cuts herself off, thankfully and huffs.

"All I'm saying is, there is value in tradition. It exists for a reason and to flout it invites bad luck."

She looks across at Ed as she says this and at little Kitka in his arms.

He stares back, undaunted and bristling and Elena looks away first.

"I'm tired," she announces, rising.

"I'm going home to rest. Martin, come."

With a glance of apology, he follows her.

Monty watches them leave and feels a twinge of guilt twist his heart.

He'd been putting off the conversation he meant to have with Martin because they'd all been so busy and he'd seemed happier than he'd seen him yet, these past few days.

As he trails after his mate and disappears among the trees, Monty realizes he can't put it off much longer.

If there's a chance Elena sympathizes with Dire Ferrualt's views, she could be a weak link and Dane needs to know.

~ ☾ ~

The next day, Martin doesn't join them, though.

He says he has some work to do and needs to finish a manuscript.

Ed and Ophelia are absent as well and Monty hopes it's not because of what Elena said.

Troubled by the possible rift, Monty decides to visit Martin that evening after dinner, when he knows Elena will be gone for her night shift at the hospital.

They're about halfway through their meal, however, gathered inside around Sasha's table, when Dane's phone rings.

“It's the sheriff," he says, looking at the screen and excuses himself to answer it.

He listens to whatever the sheriff says and Monty can tell by the way his face goes through about four shades of grim that it's not good news.

"Understood. We'll be there soon."

Dane ends the call and looks up at them.

"There's been another fire," he says.

"Where?" Freya asks, on her feet already.

"The mobile-home park."

Kit gasps.

"Ophie?"

Dane nods.

"She's alright. But... I'm afraid Ed and the baby are missing."

"Fire is my element," Ambrose says, rising as well, with Noah at his side.

"I may be able to help."

"I'm coming, too," Monty says.

"Me, too," Astrid Hunter offers.

"No matter what happens, good or bad, Ophelia will need support."

In the end, only Julian and Mr Hunter remain behind to watch the twins, while the rest of them pile into various vehicles and head for the edge of town.

They see the lights before anything else, the orange blaze of fire lighting the sky amid the flashing red and blue of firetrucks, ambulances and sheriff's cars.

Ed and Ophelia's trailer is not the only casualty and it looks like half the park is ablaze.

Police have cordoned off the area, keeping people back and trying to account for all the residents.

Monty spots Ophelia immediately, mostly because four large deputies are fighting to restrain her and keep her away from the flames.

She screams and cries, soot streaking her pale face and her voice is raw with smoke and anguish. Monty and Kit go to her as Dane goes to find the sheriff.

The rest hang back a bit, surveying the scene.

"Ophie," Kit calls and she breaks free of the deputies and falls into his arms, sobbing helplessly.

"My Ed. My baby." she cries.

"Oh God, my baby."

"What happened?" Monty asks, kneeling at her side as she and Kit sinks to the ground.

"Can you tell me?"

"I just went for groceries," she wails.

"We were all out of milk and Ed was tired, so I went. And when I came back..." she gestures at the fire helplessly.

"You're sure they were still... inside?"

She shakes her head.

"I don't know, I don't know! They won't let me get close."

Monty glances up as a hand settles on his shoulder.

Ambrose stands above him.

"I'll look," he says.

"The fire won't harm me."

He slips away into the shadows, evading the deputies.

Astrid Hunter joins them, draping a blanket around Sasha's shoulders and wrapping her in a hug.

She continues to cry and cough with a rough, dry bark that hurts to hear.

Astrid Hunter leans close and sniffs at the soot and ash clinging to her hair.

"You breathed the smoke?" she asks. Sasha shakes her head and coughs some more.

"Not much."

Monty leans in for a sniff as well but doesn't detect anything particular. His mother always had the best nose, though.

"What is it?"

"Wolfsbane, if I'm not mistaken."

"You're not," Noah says, joining them with a rag pressed over his mouth. His eyes are red and watering.

"It's in the smoke. This was no accident."

Ophelia collapses into tears again, crying Ed and Kitka's names, the keening sounds tearing little holes in Monty’s heart.

Meanwhile, despite their willingness to help, there's not much any of them can do.

Shortly, Ambrose returns.

He must have taken his clothes off before going into the flames because they're still intact and not smoldering.

He shakes his head.

"I'm sorry, Ophie. There's no trace of them. Just fire and ash."

She continues to cry and Kit and Monty join her with tears of their own.

Abruptly, she stops and looks up, red-rimmed eyes wide.

Then they hear it, too.

A distant call above the roar of the fire and the shouts of those fighting it.

"Ophelia. Ophelia."

She's on her feet.

"Ed!?"

A figure approaches from the dark, a bundle of blankets in its arms.

The blanket shifts and Monty sees Kitka's golden curls and sky-blue eyes, wide with fear and recent tears.

Choking back a cry, Ophelia runs to them and the three collide in an embrace, Ed weeping as openly as his mate as he kisses her and strokes her sooty hair.

"We hid," he says.

"We hid in the woods. But it was Kitka who saved us. She must've smelled something and she started to cry. I looked outside and saw the smoke starting, all around, in a ring. So I just grabbed her and ran. A moment later it was all flames. A moment later and we'd..."

Ophelia silences him with another kiss, squishing little Kitka and then kissing her, too, speechless with joy and weak with relief.

It takes a while but at last they're calm enough to give the sheriff statements and be cleared by the EMTs.

Ed and Kitka are unharmed and fortunately Ophelia hadn't breathed much smoke.

Finally, with the fires under control and everyone accounted for, we leave, bringing Ophelia and her family with us.

It's late when we get back to Sasha's house and all the lights are off inside.

Julian had probably put the twins to bed hours ago and not wanting to wake them, the rest of us stay outside.

Monty and Kit surrender their tent to Ophie and Ed, they can sleep under the stars in their fur, if need be.

The others busy themselves gathering supplies of blankets and toiletries for their guests and Sasha offers to lend Ophelia some clean clothes, as the two wear a similar size.

She goes inside to get them and then they hear her scream.

Dane drops the basket of soaps and towels he's carrying and sprints after her, Monty and Kit and on his heels.

Sasha kneels beside her father where he lies on the kitchen floor.

Dane dashes past her and up the stairs, while Monty drops to his knees and check for a pulse.

He finds one and hangs his head with relief.

A moment later, Dane returns, grim-faced and furious.

"They're not here," he says.

With sudden clarity, Monty Hunter understands... the Outcasts weren't the real targets, after all.

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storiesofateenager · 1 year

Text

parents

Young Childhood

My parents have always been extremely fluid and supportive of my desires, even since I was a really young kid. If you read my post about gender identity, you know they never forced me to dress a certain type of way or take part in certain activities. They allowed me to basically do anything I wanted to, as long as it wasn't harming me or anyone else. Even in picking colors for a bedroom when my mom was pregnant with me, they chose yellow because it's a soothing color for babies and it isn't gendered (this was mostly because they didn't want to know my sex until I was born).

In elementary school, I started playing basketball in a local league. It wasn't split by gender, so there were a lot of boys and I was one out of two girls on the team at the time. They were super involved and supported me a ton by getting me proper clothes, shoes, and protective gear (kneepads and such) to play properly. They even coached my team for one season because the league didn't have enough coaches.

Parenting Style

It's hard to put a label on my parents' parenting style. They have always been quite lenient and understanding, but definitely disciplinary. I will say that an important thing is that they never really did a great job at explaining why what I did was wrong and why it was worth punishment. They also would lose their tempers and yell, but never put their hands on me or any of my siblings with the intention of hurting us. There was a lot of timeouts, groundings, and taking away TV privileges or other things like that.

However, they always made time for each of us and had fun with us. We would play sports in the front yard, go to the movies, play board games, take small trips on weekends, etc. when my parents had time away from work. They really spent a lot of their free time bonding with us instead of spending it all to themselves, which is good and bad. Good, because it built our family relationships showed us kids that they cared about spending time with us. Bad because they barely got time alone (individually and together).

Relationship

Through childhood, I bonded with my parents in different ways. I shared different interests with each of them and there were ways that we bonded one-on-one that I wouldn't have done with the other parent.

My dad used to show me video games he liked and we would play them together. Games like Skyrim, Papers Please, and a bunch of puzzle games that he would have to help me with because I was young. I loved doing that with him. We really spent a lot of time bonding over coding too. Coding is actually a really special memory I have with my dad. Every few nights we would go to his office in the basement and he would show me a coding program that also taught basic code and we would learn together. My dad is really into math and science, which was really cool growing up because he was like my personal math tutor whenever I struggled with homework. I obviously had the moments where I was crying over the table while he was trying to explain to me how to find the variable x in an algebraic equation, but I don't think of those as traumatic or bad memories with him. Our brains work similarly, so he was always able to explain those kinds of things in a way that I truly understood, which my actual teachers sometimes weren't able to do for me. Overrall, I spent a lot of time with my dad as a kid and I loved it.

My mom was more involved in my extracurriculars. I did Girl Scouts for a while, and she was always a leader or co-leader of the troops I was in. We also bonded a lot out of the house, like when she would drag me along to go grocery or clothes shopping. Very rarely, we would go fishing with my siblings. I have a vivid memory of being at Girl Scout camp with my family and going on the lake in a canoe with my mom, just me and her. I was never really into camping, but that was a really fun time. In general, my mom was always the one to take me and my siblings places, like the park. I've of course been on family trips to aquariums and museums with both of my parents but my mom was always the leader of the itinerary and she always planned it all out. In all honesty, though, I didn't spend nearly as much one-on-one time with my mom as I did with my dad when I was younger.

Being a Teenager (Now)

It's completely flipped since childhood. I love my parents equally and I still love spending time with both of them, but the amount of time I spend with each of them has switched.

My mom and I have butt heads a lot in the past few years (duhhh I'm a teenager). But we've been spending so much more time together. She truly makes an effort to spend one-on-one time with me and to keep our relationship close as I've begun to grow up. Unfortunately though, through my teenage angst or whatever, I do turn her down sometimes. There are a lot of days where I just want to stay home or I just want to be alone, but she understands that. At this point in my life, it makes sense that I'm closer with her because I have a lot more social and psychological problems going on in my life and she has a better understanding of that than my dad does. We actually share an interest in psychology and sociology, and that's something that we talk about a lot together. She's also really involved with knowing the people I surround myself with, like my girlfriend, whereas my dad knows the basics but doesn't really care to learn about details. She came to my girlfriend's house when we were getting ready for prom. My mom is the parent I go to when I need to talk about something serious or when I have a serious question about life.

My relationship with my dad is still loving and sweet, but we don't spend much time together at all anymore. It honestly makes me really sad when I truly think about it, because I miss spending many nights a week coding or playing video games with him. But he's not a very social guy, and I've realized that I'm not either, so it makes for awkward interactions between us now. And it really sucks. Of course, I still love him so much and I trust him, but it's not the same as it was when I was younger. Something else I share with my mom is that I've grown to really like going out and being out of the house, but my dad is kind of a hermit. He doesn't have many friends, works from home, and is usually in his office in the basement. I'm not saying we never spend time together, but it's so much less now. We play board games sometimes, but that's usually with the whole family or at least one of my siblings. The last time I spent one-on-one time with my dad was when he went with me to get some bloodwork done. On top of everything else, now that I'm older, I have my own opinions on politics and such that we do not share. It hasn't caused any big arguments or anything like that, but it has caused some tension between us. It's really sad. But don't get the wrong idea about him. He's not a bad man or dad by any means, we just aren't interested in all the same stuff like we used to be.

Final Thoughts

Every teenager has problems with their parents, irrational or not. I think the way that people's relationships with their parents completely switch up as they grow up is a really common narrative. Thankfully, I have pretty tame experiences and I really lucked out with my parents. Many, many people have terrible trauma and memories from their childhood because of their parents.

I wish I had advice on how to deal with manipulative, abusive parents, but I don't, I'm sorry. I don't have any experience with that and I don't want to give advice without knowing anything about being in that situation. But if you are in an awful situation like that and you need resources, there are TONS online that give advice, hotlines, contacts, etc. that you can use to get out of there if you're unsafe, even if you're under 18. I wish I could do more to help.

Also, if you're in a house that you can't wait to get out of, remember that you won't be there forever. You will move out, even if you have to stay with a friend or another family member for a while before you find your footing. With that, you have no obligation to continue to be in contact with family members once you leave. Block their contacts, cut off ties with those family members, do whatever you need to do to keep them out of your life. Your safety and mental health come first.

#life experiences #personal #personal experiences #personal story #teenager #mental health #parents #parenting styles

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jade-parcels · 3 years

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The genshin men: fatherhood edition

With: Childe, Zhongli, Kaeya, Diluc, Xiao, Venti, Albedo and Baizhu

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Childe:

Ajax loves kids and he’ll make that known early on in your relationship

Like...This man wants five or more kids but he’ll settle for four. He dreams of a big family, getting to surround himself with you and your kids every night for family dinners, everyone getting together for big birthday parties or reunions! That’s his dream life! Plus, in Snezhnaya, most families have more than two kids anyways

He will cry so hard when his babies are placed in his arms for the first time, I mean he’s a mess. Nose is running, eyes puffy, lost of sniffling lmao he is so excited to be a dad!! Don’t you dare tell the other Harbingers how much he cried...What do you mean you took a picture when he wasn’t looking??? Hey??!?!

With his obscene amount of mora, he’ll buy a huge house that will accommodate everyone. Anything you want will be purchased that day or within 48 hours, the same goes for the kids

But they’ll all learn to be thankful for what they have. They’ll learn to fight, fish and speak multiple languages. He has high expectations but let’s face it, he’ll be proud of them no matter what

You’re gonna have to be the one to put your foot down though because Ajax doesn’t enjoy being the ‘mean parent’, he has trouble saying no to the kiddos which can create some tension between you and your husband. He has good intentions of course!! He doesn’t wanna say no to those cute, freckled faces!!

Zhongli:

Zhongli is nervous about having kids because he’s immortal. So this will go one of two ways. 1. You have the baby and the baby ends up not being immortal (or you adopt a baby who is not immortal) Then he loses you both. OR 2. You have the baby and it inherits his immortality and becomes an adeptus. Now he and the baby will have to watch you die while they both life forever.

Either way...It hurts him to think about because he loves you!! He wants to have a family with you!! He wants to give you that perfect family life every human desires!! But he’s torn

You two will just have to figure it out.

Zhongli will be a strong, male figure for your kid(s) and he will instill that traditional kindness and respect into their behavior. ‘Please’ and ‘thank you’ always, always offer to help someone who needs it, do good deeds and you will feel accomplished, be the best you you can be, alway try your hardest because that’s all that matters

He will be sure that your kid(s) always feel loved ALWAYS. Zhongli will tell them stories, cook for them, take them to school, anything that needs to be done. When you’ve had a rough day, he’ll step in to take over for the night without being asked. He shows interest in everything your kid(s) like and he will do his damn best to display every piece of artwork they make or every pretty rock they find

He...will make a great dad :’)

Kaeya:

Ooooh brother, at first Kaeya says no he doesn’t want kids but...Then he starts thinking about it

He observes the happy families that walk around the cobblestone streets of Mondstadt, how the kiddos smile and laugh with their parents. He’ll patrol in the afternoons, usually rounding the corner just in time to see the city’s kids leave school for the day, watching as they all run down the street to go home to their parents or play in the fountain together...Yeah, that really warms his heart

He’d want one or two kids, preferably two to avoid an only child being lonely. He isn’t on the best terms with Diluc but he can admit that they had a great childhood together, playing at the winery and running around as brothers do

Kaeya would be a very patient, understanding father. He doesn’t have much of a temper so he’d use the kids’ mistakes as learning opportunities instead of getting upset at them

He would be obsessed with the kids when they’re babies though oh man if you thought you had baby fever, he has it times ten! He loves holding the baby, watching with a twinkling eye as his baby grasps his thumb with its tiny hand... adorable

And if your kids inherited his eyes, his star shaped pupils that his ancestors passed down to him...He’s gonna get emotional

Everyone at the knights’ headquarters and the Angel’s Share will get sick of him REALLY fast cause he won’t stop bragging about how cute and smart his kids are lmao

Diluc:

Diluc would be such a soft dad don’t even get me started

He loves you so much of course he wants to have kids with you! Is that even a question?? He won’t be the one to bring it up unless he gets the feeling that you want kids but once you ask, he’ll agree so fast

He’ll be grateful to even have one kid with you :’) and he’ll be fine with however many kids YOU want. You want one kid? Perfect! You want four? No problem, the manor is big enough for ten! You...you want ten...? Time to hire some more maids then lmao

Diluc is a worry wart though, he’ll be afraid to hold the baby, feed it, bathe it, he’s terrified of hurting the baby or the baby suddenly hating him. So just help him out!! Cause when he gets comfortable with the baby, he’ll be in full dad mode

He isn’t embarrassed to walk around the manor, conducting business with a baby strapped to his chest!

Diluc is a very kind, gentle dad who will always offer helpful solutions to the kiddos’ problems. He’ll make sure all of their needs are met while also trying to avoid spoiling them... Too much... There will be a fair amount of spoiling...

His own father wasn’t too affectionate with him so that’s why he’ll be affectionate with his kids! Hugs and kisses when he tucks them in at night, big dad hugs when they get home from school, holding their hands in the busy streets of Mondstadt. His father was a great dad! He just aims to be better.

Xiao:

Like Zhongli, he worries about the mortality thing. Since he’s an Adeptus, his kid will certainly be an Adeptus too if you have kids together.

He also worries that his kid(s) will hate him. His duty is to kill demons which means that rain or shine, holidays, special occasions, day or night he’s gotta be ready to go slaughter demonic beings. So he’ll inevitably miss out on important stages in the kiddos’ lives

And admittedly... He’ll be scared of his kids lmao

They’re screaming, crying, barfing, pooping, laughing, screaming again...He can’t predict their behavior. It’s unsettling. All of that goes away one night when you sit him down and place your sleeping baby in his arms. His eyes go wide...And he just watches. This tiny, little baby...Feels no fear for him. It’s comforted by his presence. He almost cries...ALMOST

He’s still pretty much the same Xiao we all know and love but now he has a kid. “Slaying demons is what I do...Hey, go back inside and finish your dinner. Yes, even your vegetables. I don’t care that you don’t like them-...Fine. Don’t tell your mother, bring them to me. I’ll eat them” cute :)

He’s a protective dad and husband, he’d never let anyone or anything harm his beloved family

Venti:

Venti....does not want kids. He thinks they’re cute! He likes the idea of kids but he knows he wouldn’t enjoy actually having kids

You two already have so much fun together!! You don’t need a kid!! You guys have dogs!! Dogs are like kids! But they’re more independent and they’re cuter!

He’ll feel bad if you want kids and he doesn’t, he really will! But it’ll be nearly impossible to convince him cause he’s made his mind up :/

Venti’ll make it up to you somehow though, he’ll take you out more and show you all of the adventures you guys can have if there aren’t kids around

But for the sake of fatherhood headcanons, let’s pretend he gave in. Venti would be a very caring dad. He would cuddle the hell out of this kiddo and sing to them :’) the only problem is that Venti doesn’t like being tethered to one place for too long so he tends to take off and not come back for a few days... :(

Albedo:

Albedo wants kids mostly just to see what fatherhood would be like. He’s always been curious about what that part of his life would be like so why not have a kid

He’d be good with one kid, two at most cause after practically raising Klee, he knows how some kids can be and...He doesn’t have the mental capacity for more than two kids at a time lmao

He tries his best to show more emotion in his face. We all know he usually sits like this 😐 and goes ‘wow im so happy right now’. If you didn’t know him, you’d think he was bored out of his mind right? So he’s gotta work on that. And when he musters up a smile for the baby and it smiles back at him????? Yeah...He’s gonna try to smile a lot more now

He definitely softens up once he becomes a dad, he shows emotion more than he used to and surprisingly, he takes time off of work. Shocker, I know! He decides that he’s been in the lab long enough and that he wants to be able to be there for these moments with you and his kid(s) :’) :’) He trusts Sucrose and Timaeus to take over for him for a couple hours

He keeps a journal for each kid and writes down the date and time they have their firsts or just interesting things they do ->

- 8/4: Baby sees and plays with a cat for the first time

- 9/5: Baby smacked me in the face and laughed so hard she threw up

-9/12: Baby learns that pulling my hair gets my attention. She now continues to do so

-10/15: Baby stays at Aunt Klee’s house for the first time

Baizhu:

Baizhu really loves kids, he works with them a lot and he considers Qiqi to be his daughter anyway but in terms of you guys having a kid together, with his condition he can probably only handle one kid running around

He will do his absolute best to be a good dad. Even if he feels like death, he’ll help change diapers, feed the baby, care for it when you need a break. He isn’t contagious so when you’re sleeping and he feels gross, he’ll sit back against the pillows with the baby on his chest, the three of you resting together (though he doesn’t fall asleep...that would be dangerous for the baby)

Baizhu already tends to nag at you about your health and lifestyle choices but now?? He’ll be a menace. He’ll be constantly evaluating your baby’s condition, checking to see if a certain food is giving them a rash or making sure their skin isn’t drying out. He’s hyper aware of your baby’s health and will be the one to treat them if they get sick

He’s a busy guy since he runs the pharmacy but he will always do his best to be present for your baby’s big milestones! And when your kid cries cause Baizhu’s medicine tastes like shit, he’ll do his best to not be disappointed in their reaction lmao

When you leave him alone with the baby, he’ll wrap a scarf around himself to tie the baby to his chest while he works and...he looks so cute :) dad baizhu <3 <3 <3 <3

Bonus points for him buying the baby toy medical equipment so he can get your kiddo interested in medicine :)

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linkspooky · 3 years

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THE TOP THREE HEROES ARE ALL FAILURES

In the sense that Enjdeavor, Hawks, and Jeanist all embody the failures of the hero system. The first clear sign that all three people who were set to inherit All Might’s Legacy would fail in doing so, is that none of them really understood what kind of hero was in the first place.

Endeavor only ever saw All Might’s Strength, and thought All Might’s genuine desire to save people was just him playing to the crowd. Hawks thought Endeavor’s desire to surpass All Might was heroic, and what made him a better hero because he didn’t give up when everybody else said it was hopeless, but we the audience know Endeavor gave up early and took it out on his family instead. Best Jeanist thinks what’s most important of all isn’t saving people but rather “The Image” of Heroes to the public. Except, the only reason All Might was a hero obsessed with image is because he wanted even those he could not reach to be able to live in peace and save themselves.

The top three heroes are all lacking in what All Might had, in that none of them actually believe that Heroes should save people. Enji believes in strength above all else, Hawks in sacrificing one’s self for the faceless masses, and Best Jeanist in the image of heroes to the public.

It’s really showing that the option of “Saving Dabi” did not even occur to them once, despite the fact that they are completely willing to give a helping hand to the man who made Dabi.

The current number one, two and three heroes are all obsessed with All Might’s Legacy, however all of them are failures to All Might’s Legacy as well because they don’t understand the underlying ideal of heroes saving people. All three of them represent the failures of hero society, which is why they aren’t shown being overly concerned at hero society’s victims. Even when it’s revealed that one of hero society’s greatest villains Dabi, was actually one of hero society’s greatest victims too, created by one of their own, their beliefs barely change.

1. Enji Todoroki

Enji was never concerned with saving others being the job of a hero. His one and only focus was just to be the strongest. He even has a shallow view of All Might’s ideals and goals because of this. He thinks the reason that All Might won number one was because 1) his all powerful strength and 2) his popularity with people.

Enji never once mentions that All Might became the hero he was, because his number one priority in every situation was to save as many people as he could. Because, Enji doesn’t view it as the job of heroes to save others.

Toshinori worked so hard because he genuinely wanted to be the shining light for others. He didn’t become the number one hero because it was his own personal dream, but rather because it was others needed of him. All Might isn’t a perfect hero either, but there’s still a difference between someone who wanted the number one spot because he genuinely thought it would save the most people, and someone who wanted the number one spot because he wanted to be the strongest.

Even after Endeavor’s supposed revelation where he saw Shoto being gentle with flames, rather than forceful and violence, Enji became the exact same kind of hero he was before.

Think of the way Enji fought Shigaraki, burning him alive. He made several attempts to kill him during their fight, even though the rule is heroes absolutely must not kill, that’s what makes them different from villains. Heroes prioritize the safety of people, and saving civilians, except for Endeavor apparently. Endeavor as a hero is the exact same kind of hero he was before, and the flaw with that is if he had fought Dabi the same way he had fought Shigaraki.

He would have burned his own son alive. Enji isn’t even concerned in the least with saving people, even when the person most in need of saving is his own son. He sees villains as an absolute evil for him to punch and beat up in order to prove his own strength. The only way Enji knows how to be a hero is violently taking down crime and no one has ever challenged this, even though it’s the exact attitude that led Toya to his death.

Enji, only ever taught Dabi how to turn up the heat, because Enji wasn’t actually that concerned with his son’s well being. Toya was only worth something to him when he was strong, so Enji only ever taught Toya how to be the strongest hero and nothing else that a father should teach his son. Even now, Enji doesn’t let go of this idea of his that he has to be the number one hero, and being the strongest hero will solve all of his problems.

Endeavor has used playing hero again and again as an excuse to run away. Now that Hawks is giving him another chance to be hero, he’s enabling him to run away again.

It’s incredible how still even after the reveal, it’s always Toya who has to pay for the consequences of Endeavor’s mistakes. Toya is left alone to burn to death and spends the rest of his life covered in burns forgotten by his father, and it’s Endeavor who gets the unconditional support and love Toya needed as a child offered to him, just because he happened to be a hero. If he was a villain he would have just been locked up.

Endeavor is framed as the hero who does not give up, and yet, he very easily runs away and lets Toya take the blame for the majority of his actions. If Toya had been able to carry his dream he would not have abused Shoto. If Toya had not died that day he would not have doubled down even harder on Shoto. Toya’s the reason they could not come together as a family. It’s never Endeavor’s actions, it’s always, somehow, Toya who is blamed, and Toya who is burned as the consequence of Endeavor’s actions. Now, Toya is the one who needs to be stopped when Enji is just as guilty.

I’m not saying that Enji should not be given a chance to get better, but why is the good side of Enji’s actions expressed over and over again and not Toya’s? Toya is trying to reform all of society. Toya is trying to hold his dad accountable for abusing him and neglecting him to the point that he died. That’s murder. Someone who lets their children die because they couldn’t be bothered to supervise them can be charged with involuntary manslaughter in a court of law. Enji has killed too, but rather than admit to his own flaws it’s must easier to cast Toya s the villain that needs to be stopped and himself as the hero that needs everyone’s support.

Toya deserves the same chance that Enji got.

2. Hawks

Hawks only saw self sacrifice in All Might’s actions. He saw someone harming himself over and over again for the sake of others, and that’s probably why he admired Enji’s pursuit of strength more because it was the opposite of him.

If Enji is the extreme result of the attitude that villains can’t be saved, only stopped by putting themselves down with violence, then Hawks is the extreme result of self sacrifice. Hawks seems like the ideal hero on paper, he would do anything, and give up any part of himself to save a faceless stranger just like All Might. However, Hawks also has decided that he has the right to sacrifice others as well.

Hawks is self-destructive. That’s the extreme end of self sacrifice. However, unlike All Might who took the burden entirely on himself, Hawks will choose others to sacrifice as well. If Hawks sees himself as a tool for the greater good he will extend that to others as well. If Hawks sees himself as a bad victim who turned his back on their parents, he extends that to others as well.

So basically, Hawks’ number one problem is with himself. He can’t reconcile his past. He feels guilty for being abused by his parents. He feels guilty for not forgiving the same abusive parents. He puts everything he has into being a hero, and yet, he doesn’t feel like he himself is a hero. Hawks’ only way he knows to feel good about himself is to continuously sacrifice himself for the sake of others.

Because he learned when he was young the only way to be good was by sacrificing himself to protect others. He only received the help he needs because he showed he was “one of the good victims” but deep down internally he feels like he’s the bad one, for not being able to do anything for his mother, for not reaching out to her.

Hawks can’t see himself as a victim and it messes with the way he sees other victims as well. He divides them into good and bad, and then tells himself that he’ll offer to help the good ones, the ones willing to improve. Hawks’ represents Hero Society’s own willingness to throw the bad victims to the dogs.

It’s specifically Hawks who Twice calls this out on. So we have a number one hero who thinks the only way to deal with villains is to violently suppress them, and the number two hero that thinks the only people who deserve to be saved is the ones he deems as “Good” or “Trying to be better.”

It’s all because Hawks has this really self destructive idea of what kindness is. That kindness is somehow destroying yourself for the sake of others, that it’s being overly forgiving and not holding any resentment at all.

It’s like how Deku acts like forgiving his father is a kind act. However, at the same time implying that holding onto resentment would be an unkind one.

Even though the reason Natsuo won’t forgive is because Toya is dead, and Enji never showed any apparent remorse for it, and didn’t try to fix anything. Even though one son died because of Enji’s training, and then Enji just decided to train the one remaining son he had left a thousand times harder. Natsuo is attempting to hold his father accountable for his actions, but Deku acts like blanket forgiveness would be the kind thing to do.

Even though Deku himself is willing to overlook all of Enji’s past abuse of Shoto, and his murder of Toya, but at the same time stresses how unforgivable Toya and Shigaraki are.

Deku just saves people in a self destructive way. He breaks his bones to save others, thus mirroring Hawks who just saves people without genuinely thinking through who needs to be saved. They save people, because that’s the way they hurt themselves to prove how useful they are. However, neither of them actually goes through the trouble of thinking who genuinely needs saving, and that’s why they’re able to carry such a false double standard. Enji needs help because he’s trying to be better, whereas Toya’s not trying to be better. Ignoring the fact that you know, Enji tries to be better by just, forgetting everything he did in the past and sweeping his past actions under the rug, whereas Toya is still suffering from the scars of Enji’s abuse, permanently on his body.

However, between Twice a person willing to die to protect his friends and act of complete selflessness, and Enji who can’t even bring himself to think that maybe he should try to save the son he let burn to death on a mountain peak which one do you think was trying to be better? Enji who spent ten years, even after Toya had already died to his training, training up Shoto instead even harsher. Enji who referred to Toya as “a failure” and “almost perfect” when talking to Shoto about his death.

“I’m going to help anyone trying to be better” is just an arbitrary line that Hawks draws.

That’s even the critique that Twice levelled at Hawks. Hawks doesn’t care because he never actually tried to see the good sides of the other people, but Toga was someone who comfotred Twice and understood him. Toga was someone who made the league feel like home. Hawks labels Twice as the only good one, because he just didn’t bother to see what was good about the other villains. Yet, at the same time he strains himself to see the good in Endeavor, to the point where he constantly apologizes for Endeavor’s actions and sweeps them under the rug. Endeavor is a good man who is just misunderstood in Hawks’ eyes, who just went wrong somewhere, but Hawks can’t ever offer up the same sympathy to the worst victims of society. Who lash out and hurt other people in the same way that Endeavor did, except Endeavor’s is excusable and there’s isn’t because...???

Hawks is in denial, because he refuses to look at the good sides of the villains. Twice didn’t choose to accept his offer of help, so obviously he didn’t want to be better, therefore Hawks is perfectly justified in putting him down. Notice though how Hawks mentioned prison time for Jin, but not for Enji (neglecting a child to the point where they burn to death is... still a crime).

Hawks is still in denial about himself. He thinks he’s offering people a helping hand. However, from Jin’s perspective we see how manipulative he is. Hawks didn’t offer Jin a hand, he held him at gunpoint and told him to surrender and betray his friends. Hawks is just lying to himself, because he didn’t go out of his way to save Jin, he ruthlessly manipulated him, and then betrayed him. He’s not framed as a hero trying desperately to save a villain, but rather a friend betraying another friend who trusted him. Because, Hawks does not just sacrifice himself. He’s the extreme result of self sacrifice. Self sacrifice turns into self destruction. Self denial. Hawks sacrifices other people. He forces himself to dirty his hands, because he believes this is the only way he can be a hero. He’s too weak individually, so he has to manipulate, pull strings, and even kill in order to achieve the results he thinks will save the most people. However, by doing that he ignores the suffering of the victims right in front of them.

Not only that, but he ignores what contradicts his simple black and white narrative. Enji was trying to be better so he deserves help and support, Twice didn’t want to be better so Hawks revoked his offer of support away.

He’s willing to give support to a man who abused his family for no good reason, and who continues to evade any consequences or legal punishment for his actions, but then insists that Jin who was pushed to his actions by poverty and not wanting to starve to death just did not want to be better. He’s like, so unaware of what the problem actually is with society, he can’t possibly think why Enji leaving his own son to burn to death might have left his son a bit miffed. Enji is just a person who made a few missteps along the way but genuinely wants to be good, Dabi is just a selfish person who doesn’t want to be better, so says Hawks.

Nevermind how hard Toya tried to be a hero, and how he never gave up on earning his father’s love. Nevermind how hard Twice tried to be helpful to other, and how much he loved the people around him he was willing to sacrifice his life. Twice’s last action was to save his two closest friends. Enji’s actions are always just to beat up villains to prove how strong he is. Enji is never concerned with anyone. Hawks does want to save people, but he never thinks about the people who need to be saved.

Therefore, heroes are always good. Even when heroes do bad things, Hawks contrives some way to not hold them responsible for it ever. Well, Enji isn’t like that now. Well, we don’t need to announce that Enji was an abuser, because that will just upset the public.

The actions of Enji are apologized for over and over again. Because rather than holding him accountable for his actions. Instead of pushing him to actually fix his mistakes, it’s better to keep sweeping the problem under the rug. Because, as is repeated again and again heroes don’t save people. When a hero fails to save someone, rather than trying to fix that mistake it’s easier to blame the person who didn’t get saved.

Even if it was your own son that you left to burn to death. That is somehow miraculously alive. That has given you a second chance to save the person you should have saved that day by just, showing up, and actually acting like a father for once.

Enji will just choose his job over and over again. Because heroes don’t actually have a responsibility to save people. Being hero is just a job. Enji, Hawks, Jeanist they consider it a profession, not a responsibility. Which is why all three of them are willing to blame Dabi for his own actions, but not Endeavor for his. Which, just proves Dabi right.

Heroes aren’t actually concerned with saving people. Heroes don’t think about who is most in need of saving, and who the real victims are. Heroes just protect their own.

Enji, Hawks and Dabi are all murderers. They have all killed someone in pursuit of their goal. Not only did Enji murder a child by neglect, he also tried to kill Shigaraki several times over, and even tried to murder Pop Step in vigilantes. Hawks killed Twice in pursuit of a goal.

However, Hawks and Enji need to be supported, whereas Toya needs to be stopped. Because they are heroes, and Dabi is a villain. But sure, watch Dabi continually burn his own body over and over again and push himself to the very limit so he can achieve a society where another hero will never get away with abusing his family like Enji did his, and say that he doesn’t want to be good. Watch Toya burn himself over and over again as a child just trying to be a hero because he thinks it’s the only way to earn his father’s love, because he genuinely looked up to his father and wanted to be just like him, and insist that Toya just stopped trying to be better, that he was just a jealous child, that he was never good.

Jeanist isn’t a fully developed character so I’m not going to talk about him as much, but he represents the attitude that heroes “only pretend to save people” because they fuss ove image, rather than doing the actual work of helping victims.

The thing is someone who is genuinely trying to be better would listen to Dabi’s words, to Shigaraki’s words. However, Jeanist, Hawks, Enji all think of themselves as the hero, therefore they assume they are good and that their actions are good.

Whenever someone contradicts this, they just flat out ignore any criticism. Heroes don’t save people. Heroes just protect their own image as heroes, because they assume that’s what is necessary for peace. Even now, Hawks and Jeanist aren’t focused on the innocent people suffering from the victim break outs, but rather taking down the man out to ruin their reputations.

They pretend to see those they haven’t protected. Even when that person is Endeavor’s own son, his pain gets swept under the rug, because the image of Endeavor as a shining hero is far more important than the responsibility he has to help his own son, that’s in pain and need to saving.

#mha 303 #mha 303 spoilers #bnha 303 #bnha 303 spoilers #mha meta #hawks #takami keigo #endeavor #todoroki enji #best jeanist #dabi #todoroki toya

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amporella · 2 years

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i agree with you that they would be good fathers, but what kind of good dads would they be? personally, my headcanon is that kyle is pretty strict and overprotective (*cough* not unlike shelia *cough*) while stan is more lenient with them. i understand those was basic as fuck, so i could like to hear yours if you’re willing to. regardless, i’m hope you and everyone else has a splendid day/afternoon/night~

I spent a few days sitting on this ask and trying to think of a few more details about exactly what kind of dads they would be, but I think you're pretty spot on! Regardless of what kind of parent Stan is, I think that it's a safe bet to say Kyle is going to end up pretty close to Sheila 2.0 - though I think you could really make a case for whether he's calmer or even more overbearing depending on how the rest of his life goes.

Kyle would probably be a lot like Sheila in the sense that his overarching goal is to protect his kids from harm, and that he really feels a passionate need to drive his own moral values into his kids - and that's not necessarily a bad thing, but in the process it kind of stifles the kid, as Sheila's obviously shown to Kyle. However, Sheila is in general a great mom, and I have no doubts that Kyle would be a great dad! His paternal/fraternal instinct is insanely strong, and he really takes to parenting/taking care of kids like a fish to water - and in Help, My Teenager Hates Me!, he's the only kid to really seek out alternative solutions when his parenting style doesn't work. When faced with trouble, he's willing to admit defeat in the regard that he's willing to try alternative solutions, and he does so quicker than Sheila - Sheila eventually gives in after seeing the consequences of her actions in the movie, but it definitely takes a little longer. That obviously isn't a completely accurate vision of Sheila's parenting skills - that's only one instance, and an instance where she had much more of a (albeit a semi unreasonable) reason to fear for Kyle's safety/health - but I think it's definitely notable that Kyle's learning that skill quicker than his mother did, probably as a result of her being so stubborn in admitting that she's wrong. However, I think Kyle would be more 'strict' than Sheila in other ways - I imagine him having a pretty strict vetting process for his kids' friends, following how much Cartman put him through as kids, and you just know that would drive any kid insane and probably drive them towards less healthy friendships. However, even if he’d be strict about friendships, Kyle’s love for his kids really is unconditional - like Sheila, I think he’d be very accepting about the things that are important to them, and he wouldn’t be afraid to express that.

In general, though, I think Kyle would be amazingly solid, whether as a single dad, with someone else, or with Stan. He's got the drive to protect his kids, and that drive is one of the things that makes Sheila one of the best parents in the show - not that she has a ton to compare to, but her desire to keep Kyle safe always shines through, and Kyle always knows it. I think Kyle and his own kids could butt heads similarly to how him and Sheila do so on the show, but I also think that being married to Stan in this situation would help him parenting-wise - Stan's equally as protective (I can actually imagine him being more in some situations, or at least there's a sharper contrast between how he behaves normally and how he behaves in situations were protectiveness is really warranted), but expresses it in a way that can seem less overbearing, and I imagine he'd be able to help diffuse arguments in a way that Gerald generally fails to do.

Stan, I think, is a little (less? more? I typed out less originally but then wrote even more for him lol) complicated parenting-wise - though that doesn't mean he's any less of a good parent. Stan would be less likely to create a divide between himself and his kids when they're 8-12 and finally discovering themselves, which is when Kyle would probably have a hard time realizing that his kids are growing up - but he could be more likely to have a difficult time when they're teenagers. Stan really wants to know that his hard work is being appreciated - that, like in the teenagers episode, his kid is actually doing something to prove that his parenting is working - and I can imagine him being a little bitter and adopting the 'fine I'll go f/ck myself' mindset when his teenagers start becoming naturally distant. Kyle's rational enough to realize that just trying and trying to bond might not be enough, and there are different ways to address issues at different stages of life (cue the teenager book), but I think Stan wouldn't understand this at first, even though he obviously underwent that significant life change at a younger age than Kyle did (YGO/Ass Burgers). I think he'd eventually get the hang of it though - and when he realizes that teenagers being unappreciative assholes is just a natural part of life, he'd be able to adapt to bond more effectively with them. His experience with depression at a young age would probably actually help him with this - I think he'd be more likely to be the parent that the kids turn to when they want a good cry, or when they have something deeply personal that they want to share. Kyle is adored and trusted by the kids, but Stan's a better listener, and if you just want to sit on your dad's lap and tell him about the sh/tty kid in your class without having your dad threaten to go in and kill them, Stan's your guy. Stan's more relaxed parenting style requires a little more maturity in the kids, and that's probably one of the places where Stan and Kyle clash - Kyle, subconsciously or not, wants to keep his kids under his wing for as long as possible, while Stan wants them to leave the nest and flourish into unique individuals. Neither of these are bad things, and it's already been shown that the two of them function really well when acting as parents together. They would probably temper out each other's less effective parenting styles, and I have no doubt they'd be able to raise some really sweet, well adjusted kids.

Thank you for the ask!! I could talk about style parenting forever. I hope you're having a good day too!! <3

#sorry for how long this took anon!!#south park #kyle broflovski #stan marsh #sp style #they are dads.#thats the tldr #asks

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logicalbookthief · 3 years

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This is a bit late, but I did want to talk about the press conference in Ch 306. The way the Top 3 tried to smooth things over with the rightfully upset citizens left a lot to be desired. None of it played like a sincere apology or admittance of guilt, it felt like a way of placating the public so that heroes could once again act without scrutiny, all under the premise that it is for “the greater good,” a nebulous claim at best.

What I do find interesting is that the press conference follows the same pattern as the Todoroki family in the flashback, just on a larger scale.

First, you have Endeavor focusing on what he can do as Endeavor to make it up to the public. No mentions from him or the reporters of the family he hurt, the fact that his son is one of the villains he’s sworn to take down. But isn’t that exactly what he did in the past? Used his job as an excuse not to engage with the children he considered mistakes and to continue to view himself as “good” despite the heinous truth of his private life?

Likewise, the focus of the Top 3 appears to be maintaining the image of heroes in society, not on righting the wrongs they have already done and promising to do better. If anything, they’re relying more than ever on dichotomy of heroes vs villains to regain public support. For instance, Hawks admits that he kills Twice, yet cites it as his own “lack of virtue” that prevented him from helping Twice, so he resorted to killing him. Completely neglecting the fact that his crime is that he chose to kill Twice, specifically while Twice was crying and running away from a hero who had the upper-hand. Even as he seemingly apologizes for his actions, he’s justifying his murder, and nobody calls him out on it, only because Twice was a criminal. So what’s to stop Hawks from doing something like this again?

Nothing. Just as there’s nothing to stop Endeavor from continuing to act as a hero when he’s proven to be person capable of violence against his own children and spouse.

And I wish we would’ve had more people speaking out against them than that one reporter, who was quickly dismissed even though she brought up valid points. But isn’t it telling that she’s dismissed after asking for the same thing Touya wanted as both a child and now as an adult?

Accountability.

However, Endeavor (and also Hawks) skirt the issue. At face value, they’re not denying what they’ve done and not asking for forgiveness. But they are asking the public not to hold them accountable because if they did, they wouldn’t be able to act as heroes any longer. They are preying on people’s fears surrounding the villains and prison breaks to avoid any punishment for their actions. Like, what do people think the villains will go to jail for when they’re caught?? Murder, which is what Hawks did. And I shouldn’t have to explain why child and spousal abuse is also a punishable offense.

Endeavor is correct in claiming there’s nothing he can do to change what he did in the past. But there’s no growth in saying he can’t do anything to atone except be a hero who stops the villains, because that is exactly what he’s always done. Hide behind the hero persona, when it’s Enji Todoroki who needs to try to make amends.

And what he and Hawks fails to do so stupendously here is admit they were in the wrong. They admit to doing these things, but they don’t admit they were wrong to harm the people they did. Endeavor tells the reporter he can’t change what he’s done so there’s no reason to act contrite, but that is bullshit.

Because you know what? It would matter! It won’t change what happened, but for a man set on proving he’s better than he was -- a low bar to begin with -- he’s failed a simple test of character.

Just as it would’ve mattered to Touya if his dad had said, “What I did to you is wrong, creating you for only one reason and then abandoning you when you couldn’t fulfill it was wrong, you’re not to blame in the slightest and I’m sorry I treated you this way” rather than ignoring the problem and his own culpability.

Would it have changed the fact that Enji bought his wife and engineered his children to surpass his rival? Would all of Touya’s inner turmoil have disappeared in an instant? Hell no. But it absolutely would have mattered!

And it would’ve mattered for him to be condemned for this, both by his family and the public. Rei might’ve called him for running away in private, but not where Touya could see or hear. When she confronted Touya, she gave the same advice as Enji, albeit it was at least with the understanding that his father was not a good person or someone he should waste time trying to please. However, she did so with the same goal as Endeavor had when he tried to convince Touya to pursue a life outside of heroism-- not to help Touya, but to stop his behavior from disrupting the family unit and keep the power main power (in this case, his father) system in place.

Sound familiar? It’s the same as what the Top 3 tries to do with the press conference. Shut down any criticism, scapegoat the villains as the root of all the problems society is now facing, all in order to maintain the system of power in place.

It is the exact type of dynamic that created Dabi, and as we see in this chapter, what’s his response??

Right. His goal was to have people finally think critically about the heroes they put in positions of power and for heroes who commit crimes to be held accountable for their actions just as the villains are. Since they’re all getting away with abuse and murder without so much as a slap on the wrist, he’s going to act accordingly. He’s going to commit more crimes in his pursuit of this goal.

Once again, the heroes show they believe that beating (or in Hawks’ case, straight up killing) the villains will be enough. Instead the inability to understand victims who do not fit into the “good” victim role or help the people whose pain makes them uncomfortable will lead to the very thing the heroes say they’re trying to prevent.

#bnha #bnha 306 #dabi #touya todoroki #jin bubaigawara #me: this’ll just be a brief post not too in depth #me halfway through pulling my thoughts together: or not

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bestworstcase · 3 years

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on ‘villainy’ and varian’s and cassandra’s moral codes

for all that varian’s and cassandra’s villain arcs get compared to death they’re really more different than they are similar, and i think one of the more interesting distinctions is the characters’ moral perspectives on their own actions--namely that varian recognizes his own choices as villainous and consciously self-identifies as a ‘bad guy’ and cassandra not only…doesn’t do that but appears legitimately taken aback when varian says she’s ‘become the villain.’ from this we can infer that varian is transgressing his own personal sense of right and wrong while cassandra isn’t.

and… well with varian i think it’s pretty straightforward: he’s a kid who desperately wants to make the world a better place and make his father proud, but his impulsivity and recklessness and general disregard for lab safety foil his plans and get him into trouble. then one of his accidents puts his dad into what is essentially a magical coma and varian becomes singularly focused on reviving him--and, when he realizes that the king is more invested in covering up the problem than fixing it and his only hope lies with a zealously guarded relic belonging to the kingdom, he decides that the only way to achieve this goal is to start breaking the rules.

so he asks rapunzel--his friend who promised to help him--to retrieve some information the king is trying to steal from him, and then persuades her to help him access the sundrop vault; then when she balks at stealing it he makes it clear that he no longer trusts her and escapes with the flower. at this point he’s in the morally dubious zone; being strategic about what he tells rapunzel to make sure she helps him, spiking cookies with truth serum to sow chaos and get information he needs, and doing things that are crimes on paper but also largely victimless. i think these were things varian could probably rationalize as okay--not exactly good, but no one got hurt and he got what he needed.

except the flower’s magic is gone. he drugged the palace, manipulated rapunzel and broke her trust in him, and committed treason all for something useless because the actual magic of the sundrop is in rapunzel herself. now he’s in trouble, because he needs rapunzel’s help but his desperate measures guaranteed she won’t be willing to help him again. and this is when varian realizes that his only options are 1. give up on saving his dad and turn himself in and hope rapunzel takes pity on him, or 2. accept that no one is going to help him now and do whatever it takes to free quirin himself.

so--mutating ruddiger, attacking the city, kidnapping arianna and threatening her with encasement in amber, building an automaton army to defend him while he works--these are all things that varian feels are wrong, but chooses to do anyway because he doesn’t trust that anyone else will even try to save his father. despite his anger and his rationalizations, at the end of the day varian sees himself as doing bad things for good reasons. (“Believe me, I know/I’ve sunk pretty low” & “I’m the bad guy, that’s fine”)

and when his reasons fall through--when he fails to free his dad--he falls quickly into guilt and despair over having hurt people for nothing. he stews for a year in how unforgivable and ashamed he feels, and even when he teams up with the separatists, he’s doing it in, basically, pursuit of a reset button: he wants to take back what he did. and when rapunzel shows him that he can be forgiven, he can have a second chance, he does have people who are willing to help him and trust him again, he drops the memory-wiping idea and his alliance with the separatists without a second thought--because what rapunzel actually does is give him a way to pursue his goals without sacrificing his conscience, which is what he really needed the whole time.

now, cassandra, on the other hand…

cass is an interesting character in this regard because, while she does want to be a hero, she’s not at all altruistic. she’s consumed by her lack of autonomy and she craves not only control over her own life but also respect from the people around her--her desire to be a hero is very self-interested, at its core. and moreover she has a somewhat fatalistic view of the world wherein some people (not her) matter and some… just don’t.

moreover cassandra, despite her ambitions of becoming a guard, doesn’t so much as blink at eugene’s or the pub thugs’ criminal pasts--she is suspicious of lance at first, but on the grounds that he’s an unrepentant thief who showed up out of the blue under suspicious circumstances to ‘reconnect’ with his old partner in crime; eugene is also distrustful of lance, for the exact same reasons--and of course she doesn’t think twice about breaking the law herself. literally one of the very first things we see cassandra do is commit treason to make her friend happy. cass doesn’t care about the law, and she only wants to be a guard because she associates getting the job with having her dad’s approval and it’s also her ticket out of lifelong servitude.

on the other hand, cass does seem have a strong sense of right and wrong where people she cares about are concerned. she is constantly putting the desires and well-being of her friends ahead of not just her ambitions (e.g. in beginnings for rapunzel, or great expotations for varian) but also her own safety (e.g. risking her livelihood and home to sneak rapunzel out for the night in bea, or setting aside her misgivings about the sketchy bird people in freebird).

which is all to say--cass isn’t exactly amoral but the moral framework through which she sees the world is… more complicated than varian’s. she doesn’t seem particularly motivated to help strangers but she’ll move mountains to help people she cares about; she doesn’t care much about rules or laws except insofar as she doesn’t want to get caught breaking them, and she has this hierarchical mindset that some people matter--meaning, they get to make decisions for themselves and have people care about what they need and want--and some don’t, and that she herself is stuck in the latter category despite her best efforts to climb out of it.

which brings us to the subject of the moonstone, and cassandra’s villain arc, and why cass, unlike varian, doesn’t consider herself a bad person.

i think what it comes down to most is this: taking the moonstone is an act of defiance against not only rapunzel but also fate itself. waiting in the wings sets up cassandra’s resigned acceptance of this hierarchical order and her own cosmic insignificance, and then in crossing the line she REJECTS that same order. she’s raging against rapunzel but also against the cultural and legal and destined systems that put rapunzel on top and forced cass into subservience. she is very literally fighting for her freedom against the universe itself.

and when cass was not an altruistic or heavily morally motivated or even particularly law-abiding person before, and when her conscience has always been predominantly oriented around taking care of her friends first and herself second, and when the thing that drove her to this breaking point was her friends spitting that back in her face… well.

it’s easy to say “cass literally tried to murder rapunzel a bunch of times, how can she possibly believe she’s the good guy?”--but rapunzel maimed cass, blamed her for it, and consistently prioritized her destiny over cassandra’s wellbeing; and rapunzel represents the cosmic order that cass is fighting to liberate herself from. and while i know that the -popular- take on be very afraid is “cass is terrified of hurting rapunzel,” i submit it’s actually “cass is terrified of having to fight rapunzel, because she still believes that fate is literally tilted in rapunzel’s favor and she can’t win a direct fight with rapunzel.” that’s why she’s so scared; that’s why rapunzel seemingly deleting the red rocks hardens her resolve; that’s why she marches into corona with maximum drama and bluster and builds a fortress and tries so hard to mess with rapunzel’s head before the battle begins. she’s trying to even the odds. and that’s why, when rapunzel stomps her into the curb, cassandra’s immediate response is “i need an army.”

cassandra isn’t scared for rapunzel. she is scared OF rapunzel.

we do also see cass trying not to harm people she considers to be innocent bystanders; she uses the truth serum on varian bc she needs the incantation, but afterwards she doesn’t even bother to restrain him until after he starts pestering her, she says flat out that she doesn’t want him to get hurt when she fights rapunzel; similarly she is willing to hurt calliope to force rapunzel to comply, but--despite her deep personal dislike of calliope--uses a minimum amount of force and again verbally expresses that she doesn’t particularly want to hurt her, that it’s a means to an end and nothing more. attacking rapunzel? that’s fine, rapunzel is her enemy. attacking eugene? of course, he’s rapunzel’s closest ally. mind controlling the brotherhood? that kills two birds with one stone--eliminating powerful enemies with a vested interest in taking the moonstone away from her and turning them into allies who can level the playing field between her and rapunzel. and when she does finally snap and raze corona to the ground? the people of corona attacked her first. i think cass ABSOLUTELY sees herself as fighting a purely defensive war against people who have or will hurt her.

and this is, of course, ultimately why varian failed to get through to her during ‘nothing left to lose’--he appealed to her sense of morality and her sense of morality shrugged.

as for the thing that snaps her out of it? the moment that forces her to question whether she’s really as right as she thinks she is? it’s learning who her new friend really is. it’s the shock of finding out that she’s been allied with, confiding in, taking advice from a legendary villain, from a monster she likely grew up hearing stories about. cass takes it as a given that zhan tiri is evil--and if she’s friends with zhan tiri, what does that make her? and even then, cass is resistant to the idea that she might be a villain--“No, no, I’m nothing like you. Just because I’m pursuing my destiny doesn’t make me a bad person!”--which is, ultimately, very telling of her whole mindset. she’s not a bad guy, she’s fighting for her freedom. she’s not a bad guy, she’s protecting herself against people who want to exploit her. she’s not a bad guy, she’s just putting herself first for once.

and OAH generally, i’d argue, is not actually about cassandra trying to reconcile with rapunzel or redeem herself or be a better person, it’s… literally cass trying frantically to prove she’s NOT the bad guy. it’s “oh yeah? you think i’m a bad person? well could a bad guy do THIS? *lies and impersonates a former coworker and gets up on a stage to justify her own actions in front of a crowd*” it’s “a bad guy wouldn’t apologize, rapunzel never apologized for anything, and to prove i’m a better person I’M going to apologize! see? SEE!?”--and then everyone in corona attacks her and she goes “FINE, i’m the bad guy, fuck you all” and wrecks the place.

only then--only in plus est en vous--does cassandra get into a mindset similar to varian’s, of “i am the bad guy but if i can pull this off it will be worth it.” she’s not sorry. she still sees rapunzel as an enemy trying to get her under control again, and the only thing that’s really changed is cassandra acknowledging that she has in fact done bad things too.

and… i would argue that by the end of plus est cassandra… feels some guilt but isn’t sorry. “i’ve failed” and “i’ve done terrible things” and “i tried to prove i was more than everyone thought but they were right”--her anguish is not like varian’s anguish in RR, where he was consumed with despair because no one could possibly forgive him for the things he did. cassandra is upset because she did awful things and failed and she perceives that failure as proof of her own worthlessness. she’s right back to feeling how she felt in waiting in the wings but with a hefty new helping of self-disgust and shame for having been stupid enough to believe she could change anything for herself.

she’s not sorry. she’s not pleading for forgiveness. she just wants rapunzel to give up and leave her alone--& then, after rapunzel convinces her that she’s wrong, and she does have worth as a person, and she does have a destiny of her own, cass does what’s necessary to clean up the crisis she created and then… just bounces. she gets the freedom she wanted and leaves without a backward glance.

(which. good for her.)

tl;dr: varian’s villain arc explores his moral scruples and what it takes for him to be willing to ignore them, whereas cassandra’s villain arc explores her incendiary reaction to a lifetime of injustices; she isn’t amoral but her sense of right and wrong is, unlike varian’s, very contextual and personal. varian is a pragmatic idealist who wants to be lawful good but is capable of setting his own morals aside in pursuit of a goal he considers to be important enough, and cassandra is one radicalizing incident away from realizing that her grievances are not a unique personal failing but a systemic problem and then leading a class uprising.

#tts

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