#how do you explain the effect a song had on your psyche at a developing age | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

blapisblogs · 4 years

Photo

Corey Taylor (yes, he’s still here) has so little to do in this “review”- er, is so bored of this “review”- uh, I mean, is so bored with watching The Wall that he starts drifting off. Doug somehow knows this, stares at him through the TV, and says “Is there anybody who cares”, leading into the next song parody. Part-way into the song Tamara Chambers comes back in as the maid, Malcolm Ray as a body guard (still dressed as one of the “kids” only now he’s wearing glasses), and... Brad Jones (aka The Cinema Snob) as the manager (I guess), all of whom try to wake up Corey Taylor by overacting like hell.

For those who don’t know, most people ended up leaving Channel Awesome with three exceptions: Doug Walker (of course), Larry Bundy Junior (who only stayed for laughs), and Brad Jones, so I’m not that surprised the latter has turned up here. I’m ashamed to say that I used to watch some of Brad’s content, but since the whole Not So Awesome document incident happened, he’s said some pretty terrible things about the whole situation (he’s the one who infamously said “Logan Paul filmed a dead body and he still has a career” during an interview talking about the Change the Channel movement), so I’ve since stopped watching him as well. That said, at least he’s slightly better than Doug is at imitating the film counterpart he’s standing in for (in this case Pink’s manager, played by the late Bob Hoskins), but that’s hardly saying much when Doug’s not even trying.

While the first line spoofs “Is There Anybody Out There?”, the actual song that gets parodied next is “Comfortably Numb”, a song where Pink is being medicated by a doctor in order to perform for his next show. I don’t have much else to say about what happens during this parody, it’s really uninteresting, which is exactly what Doug is saying about these parts of the film. The thing is, those “slow, mopey” songs serve a purpose to the plot: they’re about how Pink feels as he’s gradually isolating himself from everyone else. This parody? It’s a whole song calling the other ones slow and boring, and takes yet another jab at Roger Waters. This is, what, the third or fourth parody song in a row where he’s insulted him now? We got it the first time, Doug. There are so many other things in this album and film that could be discussed here: how the gradual abuse affects Pink’s psyche and causes him to further spiral into depression, the dangers of what Pink is doing to himself (and unintentionally others), the directions they took for this film that differ from the album, anything. Yes, Waters’s ego might be hard to ignore while knowing the backstory, but you could at least try to talk about literally anything else regarding the film. Or, if you wanna talk about Roger Waters’s ego behind this project so badly, Doug, then actually talk about it. Talk about the spitting incident that led to this, talk about how Waters had the most creative control on this project while the other three members had almost no say in it, talk about the disagreements he had with director Alan Parker while making this film, talk about how this led to Waters leaving the band and later tried to sue them for still calling themselves Pink Floyd afterwards (which he of course lost). Doug does literally none of this, which makes it feel like he either assumes everyone knows this already or he himself doesn’t know all of it due to not doing any research into it (and let’s just say that I wouldn’t be surprised if the latter turned out to be true). I’m sorry I keep bringing up this one thing, but that’s because that’s what Doug keeps doing in this “review”; he’s a broken record.

The song eventually ends when Brad Jones tells Corey Taylor to “sober up or have an existential conflict”. I didn’t even know he was supposed to be drunk in this “review”, but I guess that would explain a lot. Also, I guess this means that Doug Walker doesn’t find Pink’s internal conflict (which is, you know, the whole point of the album and film) to be interesting, which at this point is unsurprising but still frustratingly disappointing. It’s also sad considering that Doug is a critic who can’t be bothered to consider internal conflict as valid as existential conflict or think that Pink’s internal conflict is causing some of his existential conflict. For someone who goes on about character depth and development in other things, Doug sure avoids talking about any of that for this in favor of continually shitting on it for the sake of poorly-thought-out jokes.

Anyway, it then goes to the in-video commercial break. I’m not even half-way through yet.

Fuck.

[Lyrics (and snark) below the cut]

Is there anybody who cares?

Wake up (wake up, wake up) Are you still awake in that chair? Just keep listening to me I know you’re kinda bored

[Five lines and every single one leaves good openings for jokes at its expense. At least the parodies before this weren’t this easy to make jokes about, this is just... It’s too much to not use it as an excuse to make fun of it, yet also too easy. Fuck you?]

Yeah sure (yeah sure, yeah sure) It’s a lot of slow songs now It’s hard to keep on track With mellow songs back-to-back

[Again, this means that you somehow consider “What Shall We Do Now” (warning: this one has NSFW and unsettling imagery depicting sex, violence, blood, drugs, Nazis, death, and other things, and also gets really loud), “Young Lust”, “One of my Turns”, and “Another Brick in the Wall (Part 3)” to be “mellow”, which they aren’t really, at least not compared to the others. I can’t even think of how you could say that about “Young Lust”, unless... Doug, please don’t tell me that you think “Empty Spaces” and “Young Lust” are the same song, because I cannot comprehend how you could know that “The Happiest Days of Our Lives” and “Another Brick in the Wall (Part 2)” are separate songs but not know that those two are not one and the same.]

(Sorry, I can’t tell what these next couple of lines are saying because this is the part where Brad, Tamara and Malcolm come in and the former starts talking over the song. Given how crappy these lyrics are, maybe that’s for the best.)

You need to watch this movie first Just a half-hour more Come on, you’ve gotten through worse

[I’ve been telling myself that since roughly the ten minute mark of this video, and yet every time I come back here to type more about it I keep feeling the urge to close the tab for it.]

You can’t be bored while we are singing

[Wait, “we”? Are you making fun of all of the members of Pink Floyd now instead of just Roger Waters? What did David Gilmour, Nick Mason and Richard Wright do to you, asshole? I thought you were taking these potshots at Waters because of the effect this album ended up having on the other band members even after he left, now it sounds like you’ve got some personal beef with Pink Floyd in general, which gets really screwy given something you end up saying later.]

Unless you don’t wanna be seen as deep

[Doug, you can’t be bothered to even analyze or even properly talk about the surface-level symbolism that’s right there in front of you in this film; you don’t get to lecture me on what’s deep or not.]

Your attention constantly may fade Your eyes move, but do you care what we’re saying?

[You might as well have called this “Tempting Fate: The Song” with all these lyrics ripe to make fun of.]

When I was a child I remember being invested Like hearing “The Dark Side of the Moon”

[You can barely comprehend the things that are going on in “The Wall”, don’t drag “Dark Side of the Moon” into this.]

Now I’ve grown, this section starts to drag Like a long neck, I just don’t understand Is this now how I am? I have become comfortably dumb

[As many others have already pointed out, that is literally the easiest joke you could’ve gone with for that line. It’s like turning “Kingdom Hearts” into “Kingdom Farts”; a literal child could’ve come up with that joke.]

Okay (okay, okay) Just get through the damn flick You want to seem cool But this ain’t getting your kicks Can you listen? (Listen, listen) Later there will be a quiz

[You are the last person who should be giving quizzes about this film or album, Doug.]

Somebody has to feel the same When I become so lame

[“Lame”? I could be wrong, but last I checked Waters is doing just fine. Or are you talking about the other members of Pink Floyd? Because from what I’ve heard Gilmour isn’t currently doing so well mentally, and if you’re making fun of that, then... wow, fuck you.]

There is only so long I can go With hearing a millionaire say that things blow It’s like I’ve been asleep for days The film plays, but I can’t take the complaining

[You know, you keep saying that, but at least people can relate to some of the things that were brought up in the songs here. Losing a loved one in a tragic and violent way at a young age? Having an overbearing, emotionally abusive parent? An oppressive and unfair school system? An unfaithful partner? As unfortunate as it is, those are all things some people out there can relate to. At least they’re all not petty, shallow insults about things Waters doesn’t personally like, Doug.]

Like telling a child “It’s just how everything is” Just fighting to open my eyes The epic feels I had are gone I don’t know what is going on

[Neither do the people who watched this and know nothing about the film or album, from what I could tell: you’ve done nothing to help them understand what’s actually happening given how much context you’ve left out. All you’ve done is go “Roger Waters has a big ego, Roger Waters has a big ego, people who complain about school are special snowflakes, something something World War 2, animation, slow mopey songs, did I mention Roger Waters has a big ego?”]

Now the child is gone And I’ve moved on I wish those days weren’t just a phase

[Since you said there was a quiz later, Doug, I’m gonna have to retaliate and ask you to submit an essay to me explaining why you thought it was necessary to put this song into your already lengthy “review”. No, you are not allowed to use the phrase “Fuck Roger Waters and his ego” or words to that effect; that alone is not a decent argument.]

#Blapis tears down NC's The Wall #abuse mention //#drug mention //#long post #bold text warning

3 notes · View notes

rwbyconversations · 6 years

Text

“It was never about that,” or why Sun went to Menagerie

One of my favorite characters in RWBY is the absolute madlad himself, Sun Wukong. Be it his constant charisma, Michael’s consistently great vocal performance, his fantastic weapons and two of the better fights in their respective volumes, Sun has constantly been near or even in the top ten list of my favorite characters of the show. Perhaps the largest reason for that though is how Sun is a very consistent character in his own right.

One of the more controversial choices Sun has made however was his following of Blake to Menagerie in Volume 4. Following this Sun got accusations of being a stalker, of only going so he could have sex with Blake, of being someone who didn’t care for Blake as a person beyond wanting what he couldn’t have. To which I say, “It’s OK for you to have bad opinions.”

Regardless. I think this take on Sun is quite unfair, and as such, today I’d like to explain why Sun went to Menagerie and why he wasn’t doing it just to kiss Blake. Also be warned that the end of this post has spoilers for Volume 6 Chapter 1. Thanks to @fakebrandon for supplying many of the images in this post.

(how can anyone hate this pure lad istg)

1) Miscommunication and Sun’s bullheadedness

You know how I said Sun’s a consistent character throughout the whole show? I wasn’t kidding, even as far back as Volume 2.

Sun may not be as good a leader as Ruby, but he does get the core idea of what Ozpin taught Ruby (and she subsequently taught Jaune) in Volume 1- strength in unity. Ruby phrases it as how the leader must put their team before themselves, Sun instead sees it as working together as a group to overcome what one person cannot. His ideals are consistent about this- Sun always tries to help and when he can, he gets people involved. It’s quite fitting then that Sun is one of the students who takes charge during the Fall of Beacon, trying to get everyone out along with Port and Oobleck.

Butting his head in is one of Sun’s most enduring traits, one fitting for the Monkey King. Unfortunately it’s also one that causes him no end of strife in Volume 4 when he goes after Blake.

Sun, I love you, but what possessed you to think this was a good idea beyond the cool factor?

It’s largely due to miscommunication that Sun follows Blake- in his own words he thinks she’s going on a “one-woman rampage against the White Fang!” Sun’s moral compass refuses to let him sit by while he thinks Blake is risking life and limb on what’s effectively a suicide mission. Notice how Sun’s crush on Blake never comes up in the conversation, in fact barring Sun making a few cases of verbal innuendo, it’s never addressed directly in Volume 4. Sun is a bit flirty during the Sea Dragon fight with his quips-

Keep in mind how Blake looks in these GIFs... we’ll be coming back to this later

But he doesn’t take it past that. He doesn’t even go for anything intimate like a hug once the Grimm has been destroyed. Sun goes for, of all things, a high-five.

While yes, Sun could have approached Blake in a less foolish manner and gotten himself a few less slaps in the process, it fits his character to be so brazen. Sun’s always been someone who wants to help his friends, and that brazen, cocksure attitude was what Blake needed when she was recovering; someone who wanted to help her, but didn’t want anything from it. Keep in mind that Sun never tries to take advantage of Blake while she recovers, no hugs, kisses or even finger guns. Remember, he thought she was going on a vengeance mission, his crush never factors into it on a conscious level- no doubt it influenced his decision to stick the rest of SSN on a bus to offscreen land on a subconscious level, but Sun as a character has always remained true to his roots of getting involved for better or for worse. And in this case, for the better. And his following Blake is just nailing that trait of his to the wall.

2) Blake needed someone to help her learn to stop running

Blake had a bad habit of running from her problems in the early days of RWBY- she ran from her parents when they left the White Fang, she ran from Adam when he became a kill-happy psycho, and she ran from Beacon when said psycho decided to help Yang on a radical weight-loss program involving her limb. The one time she refuses to run at the Fall of Beacon, Adam punishes her for it with a gut-stab and a fresh amputation. So once she could, Blake ran. She ran before Yang had even regained consciousness from the wound sustained for Blake, apparently only staying on Patch long enough to make sure everyone on-board got out alive before running for the hills.

While Sun followed Blake because he assumed she was going to war, Sun serves a vital purpose in Blake’s character arc of getting her to stop running from her problems and, at least partly, get her to stop blaming herself for the actions others take.

Blake only really proves Sun’s point during their confrontations across the last third of Volume 4- Blake is aggressive, outright slapping him twice, hard enough that he felt pain from it, something Arryn herself has felt was out of character for her. Even in spite of that he puts himself at risk to secure the scroll, taking a nasty shot to the shoulder in the first confrontation with Ilia. When Sun wakes up, Blake immediately begins making his injury about her and why she left, even ordering him to shut up at one point.

But Sun doesn’t give in to anger or snap at her like Adam would. Instead Sun waits for her to finish before calmly and gently calling Blake on her bullshit. Sun bluntly tells Blake that while she can make her choices...

This is Sun at his most solemn and quiet as he speaks to Blake, Michael kills it with his performance here. Sun only puts the pressure on Blake to finally make her realize the flaws in her self-loathing, to pull her out of the darkness that she believes her past with the White Fang has drenched her in and into the light of acceptance and redemption. Or as Like Morning Follows Night put it:

Life's not a game you can play to get even We all make mistakes, but we need to move on I know that you hate where you strayed Forgiving yourself is the only way Just look ahead, yesterday is gone

The kicker is, this works. Thanks to Sun helping to pull her out of her funk, the Blake we see in Volume 5 is much more balanced as an individual. She still looks on the past with regret, but now is more set on striding forward and changing the future, emboldened by the mistakes of the past. While Ghira and Kali would have pulled Blake back from the brink with the time, acceptance and love that only a parent can provide, and please do not assume I am undermining the valuable part they played in Blake’s recovery, Sun not just placidly taking Blake’s crap gives her the reality call that neither Ghira or Kali could have provided. Kali and Ghira gave Blake a home to recover in physically, and Sun gave her the confrontation she needed to confront her past emotionally. Sun was the only person Blake met at Beacon who really could provide that reality check- Weiss would be shot on sight, Ruby would be too pure, Yang too caught up in her own deep-rooted issues. Sun was the only person able to break her walls down and let the light shine on her dark psyche. The mindset that Sun helps her develop is a mindset that Blake carries into her next song, This Time, a duet with Ghira.

This time The ways of the past we'll get over We'll climb Enlighten a new state of mind And now I'll stand with you shoulder to shoulder Out of the ashes a new flame ignite Rise up from shadows and into the light

That lesson that Sun teaches Blake goes on to play a vital role in Volume 5- Blake uses those teachings to reach out to Ilia, to be there for her even though Ilia won’t want her to be there (Blake also spells out in this scene what I spent the past few paragraphs saying- she tried to push Sun out but his refusal forced her to better herself).

And when Blake finishes, Sun just has this quiet, almost proud smile on his face. The student has become the mentor, and Sun’s proud to see Blake stepping up and resolving to help someone like he helped her. After all, you should always get your friends involved.

This guy is a literal ray of sunshine and even if you don’t ship them I hope you can appreciate how well their dynamic works.

3) “It was never about that!”

I hope by this point I’ve made it clear that Sun’s intentions were far from romantic when he followed Blake, and that they were the last thing on his mind when he was on the island with her. Sun’s his usual charming self at a few points but barring an awkwardly hilarious scene with Ghira, Sun never tries to put the moves on Blake during Volumes 4 or 5, unless you want to classify “the moves” as helping beat up on Blake’s abuser.

“All women are queens Adam!”

“If she breathes, she’s a THOT!”

Sun and Blake have a lot of adorably cute moments in the Volume 5 finale as the Battle of Haven winds down. In those above GIFs of Sun saying “My hero!” Look how exasperated Blake is. Now look at her.

Her smile is genuine, it reaches her eyes and her ears perk up. That’s a smile of genuine gratitude. Remember when I told you to keep her stiffness in the V4 GIFs in mind? Still do that, but remember it in this case.

It’s only now after nearly two entire volumes that Sun actually offers a flirtatious line towards Blane- “No promises,” he quips as he rushes off into battle, giving Blake the chance to be the hero and help save her team from Hazel, Emerald and Mercury. He even tugs Blake towards her team after all the fighting has ceased, letting Blake have her chance to finally reconnect with her team- Sun, again, getting friends involved when he can.

This is the most intimate thing Sun instigates all show and he only does it after expressly earning Blake’s trust and admiration. Also dayum Sun you smooth boi

Sun sadly leaves the party in the next episode, since now that he’s helped Blake he has to go help the team he ditched in Mistral. Sun, as Michael put it in a panel pre-Volume 6, pulls his head out of his ass and decides to help his own team. They were fine while he helped Blake, but now that she’s back in the team’s safe hands, Sun needs to sort his own business out. Also he might just hate the cold, not ruling anything out.

You can tell how close Sun and Blake have gotten just by the proximity of which they stand beside each other. When they spoke on the boat in V4 there was a large gap between them, but now they’re almost bumping shoulders.

Blake and Sun’s conversation serves as the capstone of Blake and Sun’s development across Volumes 4 and 5. Sun gently tells Blake that she doesn’t need him now that she’s back with her own team, and Blake is almost... resistant to him going. She’s grown used to Sun’s presence, a far cry from how she was in Volume 4, and part of her isn’t really ready to let go of her friend just yet. Sun obviously is holding a candle, but their conversation ends on a bittersweet note, with both acknowledging that Blake has some baggage to deal with, but Sun is confident that Blake can handle herself with the aid of RWBY. That said, he doesn’t rule out a reunion and another chance to rekindle that spark, confident that they’ll reunite. And Blake...

“Platonic” my ass, Blake’s even doing the Princess Diaries heel-lift!

While leaving Blake at the train to Argus, Neptune weighs in and feels like Sun is letting Blake go. Sun bluntly shoots that down, saying the line “It was never about that.” Because for Sun, it was never about pursuing Blake romantically when he went after her. Sun saw a friend, an ally who he cared for deeply, diving into a well of self-loathing and running off on what he thought was a suicide mission, so he dived in right after her to pry her free from the darkness. Does Sun care for Blake romantically? Without a shadow of a doubt. But Sun did not see a girl wrought with depression and anxiety and saw a romantic conquest, he’s not some shallow blunderhead like some people like to portray him as. Was he insensitive in his not coming forward immediately? Perhaps, but the two have moved on from that incident.

To conclude, Sun is a fundamentally good person, a literal ray of sunshine who saw a friend of his in peril and put his own life on hold to help her. While Sun was likely influenced subconsciously by his crush for Blake, his overriding desire to help a friend in need was the primary motivation- in fact, Sun barely even touches Blake outside of friendly banter scenes. He never has an obvious romantic intent with Blake and only has her best interests at heart. Along with Blake’s parents, he provides a stable foundation for Blake to recover, and she in turn helps him get over the grudge he had with Ilia without him ever realizing it. Sun never seeks to take advantage of Blake in her fraught state of mind and his bond with her is a lifelong commitment to have each other’s backs. Come rain or shine, I know they’ll meet again and it’ll be like these two companions never parted ways to begin with.

Because that’s Sun, at his core; you should always get friends involved, come rain or shine. And when he’s around, you bet he shines.

Thank you for reading.

And of course, never forget the raw glorious power of the gun-chucks.

#rwby #sun wukong #blake belladonna #black sun #eclipse #rwby analysis #ghira belladonna #kali belladonna #adam taurus #ilia amitola #neptune vasilias #blake/sun #sun is such a good character WHY ARE PEOPLE DUNKING ON HIM #like morning follows night #this time #character analysis #rwby volume 6 chapter 1 spoilers

350 notes · View notes

ilikethemwings · 5 years

Text

Intro: “welcome to Interview with the Vampire”, the movie about the saddest vampires in the world

Amanda: already snorting

Welcome to: Erin and @deityofdeception watch Interview with the Vampire (her first time)

I’m so excited

Amanda: *looks at Anne Rice*: “she looks like she would write this book”

*Antonio appears onscreen* me: “I love him so much”

A: “why are we in San Francisco? Me: “..... that’s where he lives?” A: “but I thought. okay. I’m just gonna go with it”

me explaining why it’s the 90s:

“it’s...

the interview....

with the vampire”

*looking at interviewer* A: “hm. he’s gonna get murdered.”

“told ya he’s gonna get murdered” (he has not been murdered)

A: “that’s how they show he moves fast? using a whiplash sound?”

A: “uck, they did the thing. with the hands.” (talking about their bad nails)

Louis talking, Amanda *quietly*: “Oh please”

once again: “he’s gonna kill him”

Louis: “I couldn’t bear the pain of their loss” A: “So I hung out in a graveyard”

A: “I feel very defeated” Me: “Why?!” A: *offers no explanation*

A: *faking incredulity* is that Lestat?

A: “there’s no way that’s not Lestat”

*whore drops to her knees* A: Oh! *pushes hands to cheeks*

Lestat pulls Louis into the air, A: “what? this is very homoerotic. also why are they flying”

A: “wait, you said he had to drink the other guy’s blood” me: “he’s not turnt yet!”

A: “uck. what a drama boy.” (I forget which one this was about)

general facial expression: dismayed skepticism

Me: “they love the light but they can’t be in it anymore” A: “kay. that’s kind of sad I guess”

A: “there’s nothing about this that is not homoerotic”

A:“he just wanted a vampire boyfriend that’s literally it”

me: “he’s so gross. he bleeds all over his lace.”

A: “good makeup though.”

A: “he’s secreting. just not, on screen.”

*angel statue opens eyes* A: “ooh, ooh, don’t like that”

A: *about Louis*: “Don’t be so dramatic, this is stupid!”

me, @ Lestat: “Gross. brush your teeth.”

A: “ew, no, that is entirely too much tongue.” Me: “I don’t think it’s the tongue we’re worried about.”

insert snapchat video i sent to @branchlikeatree

A: “was he squeezing the rat? that’s not! that’s not how anatomy works! i don’t know, maybe for a rat it is”

Lestat: read her thoughts, Amanda: what? , Lestat: read her thoughts, A: *sighs*

A: “oh there’s that stupid thumb thing again”

A: “why did she kiss his nose??”

A: *poodle dies* What?! *hides in blanket*

A: “oh, look at that flyline”

A: “what an ASShole”

Lestat: “life without me would be even more unbearable”, Amanda: “yeah, i stand by my statement”

“the nails!”

A: “is he gonna murder all of them? he’s gonna murder all of them”

A: “uck, those sleeves! honestly it’s a miracle he doesn’t set himself on fire on this scene”

A: *about Lestat* ooh, he mad, me: *chokes on donut*

sorry, multiple minutes of snapchat videos

“there’s no movie that’s too serious for bloopers”

A: “oh look at all those rats, capri suns..... oh no, I was kidding!”

A: “why is he walking like he’s injured?” Me: “because his heart hurts” “oh...okay”

A: “so they’re her dads”

A: “he has a gif-- hnnnnn the gift is the kid”

more snapchat videos, general dismay

Me, about Lestat/Tom Cruise: “I love... his hands. I really like... his hands.” A: “it’s a Good Look”

A: “she handled that a lot better than Louis did” A: “well Louis is a big baby”

A: “he makes a good dad but that was super manipulative” Me: “hhheee’s a bad person, amanda”

A: “that’s why he made you too, he wanted a boyfriend” “he... wanted a boyfriend?” “........yes” (post-movie: Still confused. She’s not explaining herself well)

A: “oh he’s so proud. he’s so proud of his little, murder child”

A: “character development! not for the better, but okay!”

A: “mercy kill!” Me: “What?” A: “this is leading to nothing but a mercy kill!” *me snorting*

A: “oh no is lestat gonna kill her???” insert me snorting more

A: *sees dead body in Claudia’s bed* “UH”

A: “Her hair’s never gonna grow back is it”

lmao

vaguely serious scenes, Amanda: “I’m mad I’m having feelings”

A: *Claudia runs off* “is she never seen again?” me: “... no” A: “wait, are you saying that she’s never seen again or that she’s seen again with skunk boy” SKUNK BOY

A: “oh there she is”

A: “are they gonna burn another house down?” me: *snorts again*

Lestat playing piano, Amanda: “I fully expected journey to start playing”

Lestat: “we forgive each other then?” Amanda: “aw”

Lestat: *actively bleeding out* me: “he’s fine”

*putting Lestat’s body in the swamp* Amanda: ew, ew, ew, ew, ew

A: “what, no, crocodiles? what the hell is going on?”

me, matter-of-factly: “they’re alligators”

A: “hnnn does Armand live in the swamp? (he should)

A: “I mean, is Lestat actually dead? Me: “I mean, did he look alive to you?” A: “no, but I don’t trust him”

A: “ope, there he is. I told you he wasn’t dead”

A: “do they light him on fire?” Me: “Louis does have a penchant for lighting things on fire” A: “I noticed”

Me: “sounds like the intro to a muse song” A: “it does”

A: *sarcastically*: “oh poor baby, you had to drink the blood of animals” A: “yeah like reptiles” A: *higher pitched* “he looks like the cRyPt KeEpEr!” (Amanda later explained this is from Freaky Friday)

A: “they lit him on fire! I told you they were gonna light him on fire!”

*Lestat, on fire, crawling on the ceiling* Amanda: “oh shut up, drama baby, you’re fine”

A: *uncertainly* “He’s not dead. *more insistently* He’s not dead!”

ME: “it’s like RENT, everyone is a terrible person but they kind of have a point”

A: “if i was one of the theatre vampires (she is) I think I would hate Lestat” Me: “oh yeah no, Armand detests Lestat”

PART 2 GO

“I had to like, psych myself up” (she later admits she was worried that Lestat wouldn’t be involved. She is in love)

me: “lookit him in that fur coat” A: “okay, Lestat rubbed off on you, buddy.”

A: *about Louis and Claudia* “are they like, in weird vampire love?” “...no”

Me: “I wonder how they did this [Santiago under the bridge], probably a camera on the ceiling” Amanda (at the same time): “he’s an actual vampire”

Santiago: “each one of you my clammy hands must touch” Amanda: “don’t like that”

*Armand appears* Amanda, who didn’t see him rise from the background: “oh, shut up”

A: “why are his eyes red? this isn’t Twilight” Me: “they’re gold, so it is twilight” A *whiny, indignant*: “nuh UH! Because in Twilight--” *woman runs to Armand* “--aw”

A: *vampire play ends* “is no one gonna talk about this?”

Me, bitterly, about Armand: “He is NOT redeemable”

Also me, three seconds later: “I love him”

*Armand runs his fingers through fire* A: “Oh” (mood)

A: “I don’t know what you’re complaining about, his wig is fine” me, indignant: “okay, no, they should have given him a shorter ponytail with a ribbon. If he turned into his most beautiful form [originally], that ain’t it”

*shot of Armand and Louis two inches apart* A: “KISS!”

*Armand leaning up on the pillar like he hasn’t been there for the last four hours* me: he looks sO GoOd

me, rapidly: “my hair doesn’t look like his anymore so I’m free. I’m free!”

A: “so is Lestat like, actually dead?” Me, eyebrows raised: “Seems like it!”

A: “is Lestat about to like, rip everybody to shreds? because that’s what I want to happen”

*Louis, trapped in the coffin in the wall* A: “LoUiS!”

A: “He can PERISH! I’M MAD! Like actually mad!”

A @ Louis: “are you setting ANOTHER HOUSE on fire?” me: “..... no this one’s a theatre” A: .......*glares*

A: “there are other ways to deal with your problems, *fire spreads through wine* oh, that’s effective, though. Really effective.”

A: “Is this how Lestat finds Louis? He just looks for the biggest fire?” me: “It’s a good process. It’s like geo-tagging.”

me: [Louis] has his divorce coat on”

me: “the 80s were NOT a good time for suits” (I comment on Louis’ suit there EVERY TIME I watch this movie)

A: “It’s Lestat. It’s the stinky boy.” Me: “It’s Lestank”

me: “look rats” A: “juice boxes”

Lestat: *painstakingly turning in his spinny chair*, A: “take your time”

A: “Aw, he has PTSD, poor thing. ... Ah, dammit.” Me: “I knew it. You like the villains. *mutters* called that a mile away”

me, suddenly turning southern: “Tom Cruise has a Twitter. I ain’t gonna tweet ‘im, cuz this would be an embarrassing reason to.” (spoilers: I tweeted him)

this is it we’re coming up on the end

the drops in narrative are due to the videos that were taken but the point is made

THE END GOODBYE

also I’m sorry

#branchlikeatree #amanda: *sighing in the background* I am...upset that I became emotionally attached to these characters #she means lestat

8 notes · View notes

lightsandlostbells · 6 years

Text

Skam season 3, episode 6 reaction

In terms of length, this is a short episode, but watching it in real time, every day highlighting Isak’s misery, felt like an eternity. Luckily Isak and Jonas’ friendship intervened to give us one of the most heartwarming scenes of the series.

SEASON 3, EPISODE 6 - “Escobar season”

Clip 1 - YOU CAN HATE ME NOW

It was a loooooong 10 days between the last clip of episode 5 and this one. Like, Trump got elected in that time, guys. I distinctly remember thinking to myself, “Goddamn, I wish Skam wasn’t on hiatus so I could have something positive to take my mind off this shit.” Which might seem frivolous, but sometimes you need a little escapism from your impending national nightmare, instead of following the news in despair for 10 hours a day and stress-eating whole bags of discount Halloween candy (which is what I actually ended up doing).

The mid-season hiatus is set up so if you’re watching in real time, you can imagine that Isak legit took a week off school, but if you’re watching after the season ended, you can buy that maybe Isak just took a weekend off from the world, and either possibility still works. That shows some forethought on Julie’s part, since she knew this season would also be viewed post-real time experience.

So the music is by Nas, not N.W.A., but Isak’s intro here definitely reminds me of what he said to Even in episode 2 , about “music that you listen to when you want to walk around feeling tough.” This is totally a moment where Isak wants to toughen up, since he’s frankly pretty fragile at the moment. I love this scene because it is so deeply real. Most of us have done this, blasted the appropriate soundtrack to psych ourselves up for something we didn’t want to do, or attempted to alter our mood with a song. The fact that this is clearly a diegetic music moment, with Isak actually wearing his earbuds, makes him seem even more vulnerable to me, ironically. Like he needs that confidence boost.

Also, the fact that this is Nas just underscores Even’s influence on Isak, and that while Isak may be trying to deal with his heartbreak, Even’s presence is still there, weighing on him.

“Escobar season has returned … it’s been a long time.” Obviously it hasn’t been that long, but it is a cheeky little nod to the hiatus, as well as the official clip title - “Returned.”

By the way, if people are wondering exactly what “Escobar season” means, here’s a little information about it. The summary is that it’s a persona Nas took on that’s like a Scarface personality, “Escobar” taken from famous Colombian drug lord Pablo Escobar - who interestingly was the subject of one of Isak’s oft-mentioned TV shows, Narcos.

The Escobar facade was fully formed and ubiquitous on Nas’ 1996 album It Was Written—he endorsed the now-defunct Willie Esco clothing line around the same time. 1998’s “Hate Me Now” famously begins with the phrase, “Escobar Season has returned,” and the Esco name is retired on the hook of 1999’s “Nastradamus.” Nas says Pablo Escobar represents his first awareness of a larger-than-life crime boss who wasn’t a fictional character.

This scene is framed nicely, with Even and his friends on one side of the screen, Emma and her friends on the other (the two “love interests” of this season opposite each other as they represent different sides of Isak) and with Isak stepping in the middle of the frame, not fitting into either group.

Man, I know Isak has fucked up, but like …. this song comes on, and I see him look nervously from Emma to Even, and my heart swells for this kid. I feel so bad for him. This feels so relatable for anyone who’s ever had a problem at school - a fight with a friend, a break-up - and had to go back where they knew they’d see the person again. Or embarrassed themselves, or been bullied, and had to face the judgment of your peers. It does feel like simply showing your face again requires an incredible amount of bravery from a teenager. (See also: Eva in S1, Sana in S4). And in Isak’s case, he has to face two people who know he is gay: Emma, who is angry and could use it against him, and Even, who he wants and seemingly doesn’t want him anymore.

The lyrics might sound over the top for this situation, but of course teenage problems are always the end of the world, and Isak actually does have some real shit to deal with. When Nas says, “Looks like the death of me now,” it probably does feel like that for Isak. I’d also say this is perhaps how he felt prior to coming out at the end of the episode - it could be the end of everything as he knew it, but there’s no turning back now. This is who Isak is.

“There’s no turning back now” - the lyrics that pop up when Isak first looks at Even, happen to be similar to what Isak and Even said to each other in episode 2, on their first “date” of sorts making those cheese toasties. “We can’t turn back now” - the words that made Isak cancel his plans with the boys and Emma so he could be with Even, and also the path that’s made him so currently miserable.

Let’s just note that Isak looks tired and worn and has his hood pulled up, keeps his head down as he walks across the courtyard, and Even looks to be in terrific shape, talking with people. Which has to rub salt in the wound. Even is doing just fine, seemingly, while Isak is suffering. You know Isak is questioning whether he meant anything to Even at all.

“This is what makes me … This is who I am.” Awwww, Isak. Baby.

Isak keeps his eyes ahead of him as he walks through the yard. Not on Emma or Even, though they notice him. Like the only way he’s going to get through this is if he pretends they’re not there.

Emma notices Isak and you have to wonder what’s on her mind, because really, she kind of falls away in the second half of the season? We hear about her but after this clip she doesn’t appear until the last episode. Has she already told people Isak is gay and set the rumor mill in motion, or is that yet to come?

I am always, always going to laugh at how the lyrics “DIE MOTHERFUCKER DIE” sync with Even on screen, lol. You know Isak is internally kinda like FUCK YOU EVEN!!!! but also why even … why?

But also, Even probably did not expect Isak to be this downcast about their breakup. In real time, Isak has been gone for a week, and Even almost certainly noticed. You can practically see his heart stop when he notices Isak here. And it likely hurts that Isak is pointedly not looking at Even.

Oh my God, the kid crashing into Isak and interrupting his power walk is so funny, but you feel so bad for Isak! He just wanted to pump himself up before entering the school where all these people are mad at him or don’t want to talk to him, and some rando ruins the effect. Talk about adding insult to injury. A cherry on top of the shit sundae. Again, I love it because it’s such a realistic moment, and of course Isak’s woes aren’t going to be solved by the right soundtrack. Reality intervenes.

It’s like the little girl interrupting the movie moment of the pool kiss - the music just cuts off when the illusion is destroyed. Weirdly that warms my heart a little, because the pool was Even’s attempt to recreate a movie moment, this was Isak’s attempt to create a tough guy scene, and both of them got cut short by reality. Lmao, boys.

Emma looks like she’s too engrossed with her friends to notice Isak’s collision, but Even likely saw the dude crash into Isak. Just to embarrass Isak further.

Poor Isak goes into the school and the first thing he sees is Jonas. Jonas isn’t hostile, but he’s a little distant. Reserved.

On the saga of Isak’s locker of character development, he takes a lesson from Even and bangs it open. Isak isn’t all the way there with coming out, but between the last time we’ve seen him and the locker, he’s kissed a boy for the first time and almost gotten himself a boyfriend. Even showed him how to open his locker and Isak took him up on it. Soooo… progress? He also bangs it open when Jonas is present.

Isak wants to know if Mahdi is still mad at him and Jonas says they’re not mad at him. He then takes a long pause before saying that they’re worried, like you know Isak’s weird behavior has been pressing on him and he’s finally just going to say it.

Isak tries to play it off and blames “family stuff” again and you can tell Jonas is disappointed and concerned that Isak is resorting to the same old lie.

“And I can’t sleep either.” Well, this part is actually true. It’s just you need to explain why you can’t sleep, Isak.

Jonas, a good bro, knows Isak is talking shit and not telling the whole truth, but he doesn’t argue. Just lets him know that he’s there to talk. Which is really all Jonas can do at that point. You can see Isak weighing it over as Jonas leaves, too, like … maybe Isak should talk to him. Or maybe he shouldn’t because that’s frightening. But Jonas had made it clear that he’s open to hearing the truth when Isak’s ready to share, and that’s what Isak needs to remember when Skrulle starts talking about people being islands.

Clip 2 - Noorhelm and Evak parallels

Isak really cannot sleep with all this anxiety and misery in his head. We don’t get late-night clips that often in Skam, but they were employed very well in S3 to illustrate Isak’s insomnia. That’s one of the coolest things about the real-time format, that we can get canon delivered at unconventional times to reflect the character’s reality and put us deep in their emotional state.

And of course Noora’s conversation is like … the worst thing that Isak could be hearing at that moment, since what she’s saying about her relationship with William also happens to apply to his relationship with Even.

“When you are in love, you believe that love will be like in the movies. But that’s not how it works.” This would be a solid point to make regardless of context, but it especially has to hit home for Isak, with his Romeo + Juliet watching and recreating in the pool. There was an element of fantasy with Even, of being in a love story like in the movies with a guy who views life like a film. But now the fantasy is gone.

What did Noorhelm shippers think at this point? S2 was all about Noora and William and gave them a happy ending, but now in S3, the way Noora describes what’s happened to them, it’s almost like a deconstruction of the tropes from S2. Noora is talking about how she thought she’d be with William forever, but no one lives happily ever after. Honestly, it would be a pretty interesting subversion to do a story like that on Skam, the fairy tale romance that ends up falling apart … but I wouldn’t want to spend a whole season building up to their happy ending, and then having it crumble in the background of someone else’s story. I think it’d be better if they got together by the halfway point (before the hiatus) and then showed the fall of the relationship through the rest of the season.

I mean, this is all because Thomas Hayes left the show, though, and was probably not part of Julie’s original plan. Makes you wonder how this scene was planned, though. Did Julie ever think Thomas would come back? Because this scene has somewhat different context with the Noorhelm reunion in S4, and in a scenario where Thomas didn’t return.

“There’s nobody who is willing to make any sacrifices for love in 2016.” I don’t know why, but that part of Noora’s dialogue hurts the most? It does for Isak, too, since it’s the breaking point from when he goes from trying to bury his head in his pillow to getting up and telling her to stop. Maybe because to Isak, it seems like he was willing to sacrifice for Even by lying to his friends and making them angry with him, abandoning this heterosexual farce he was performing, potentially coming out, getting into a relationship with a boy despite all the problems that may come with that … but Even just couldn’t sacrifice his relationship with Sonja. For a brief moment, it seemed like he would choose Isak, but he didn’t.

Maybe also because “nobody is willing to make sacrifices for love” is pretty disheartening to hear when you’re young and going through heartache. It makes you think this is how it’s going to be the rest of your life, it’ll never get easier. Especially painful for a closeted gay kid to hear since he’ll have additional complications in finding love.

I think Noora’s words are obviously the main reason behind what’s making Isak stressed out right now, but it can’t help to hear that Eskild’s brought a guy home. Eskild has someone and Isak is sleeping alone.

Yeah, Isak could be less of an asshole in his delivery, but he’s not wrong. Take your conversations elsewhere at 2 am. Not to sound old but it’s a school night, Noora!

Noora is pretty shocked by Isak’s attitude, though. You can see the smile drop off her face. I don’t think Noora is obsessing over Isak’s personal life or anything, especially since she’s caught up in her own drama, but I think she picks up here that Isak is going through something that’s bigger than her just talking on the phone at night.

While I don’t know if Noora and Isak would ever be best friends, I do enjoy some of the moments they have together. I like to think that Noora taking care of Even when Isak couldn’t be there, and Isak demonstrating how much love there was in that grumpy teenage boy body of his, gained some lasting respect on both ends. And on the flip side, Noora ribbing Isak about his nightstand toilet paper and Isak taking it in stride in S4 is endearing.

Isak really is a good kid. He knows he lashed out and calms down after his outburst. He even says, “Say hi to Eva,” lmao? Like RARRRRRGH STOP TALKING ON THE PHONE NOORA … okay, sorry, say hi to our mutual friend.

The fact that he pauses to tell her that William is an idiot if he gives up on her is genuinely sweet. Of course there’s some projection behind it (trying to convince himself that Even is an idiot and not worth staying up all night stressing if Even gave up on him) but it’s also just a kind, courteous thing to say, since he recognizes someone else struggling over being in love, and Noora accepts his words as such.

Obviously everyone is free to like or dislike characters for whatever reasons, but moments like this are why I don’t get why some people repeatedly bring up Isak’s shitty S1 behavior as a reason why he’s the Worst (especially in the context of “How can you like Isak but not this other character when Isak has also done bad things?”). Isak repeatedly course-corrects from his mistakes and shows consideration toward other people’s feelings, listens to their advice and perspectives, and is kind to them despite his grumpy exterior. He’s not a selfish person. I’m fine with characters who make mistakes if they apologize, show empathy to others, and try to be better people.

Clip 3 - The cheese toastie of sadness

This scene is pretty short, but the first time I watched it, I spent like a minute and a half wondering “Where is this going?” only to freak out with Even’s appearance. Oh. That’s where it was going. It lulls you into a sense of mundane drudgery only to throw a curveball, which is what Isak must be feeling. Going about his boring day, feeling like shit, only for a surprise Even encounter to throw everything off-balance.

That random guy’s voice really does sound like Henrik’s, to the point where I’m wondering if Henrik said the line and they dubbed it over (since we don’t see the dude actually say anything but “Sweet”). If not, damn, that’s a close match.

It really throws Isak, it’s like a jolt of potential Even. But it’s just a false alarm. Of course, Julie gives us a false alarm to throw us off the real appearance of Even that’s going to happen in a minute.

Plot twist - this guy is Julian Dahl and he was hoping to make a move on Isak, except Even showed up.

Here’s where Skam’s ability to not rush things really helps, because this is a small scene where the majority is focused on an everyday boring task, but it establishes Isak’s mood, give a sense of how empty and dull his life feels at the moment, isolated from his social connections and love interest. The long pauses of nothing but agonizing silence feel like forever. Just waiting in line for a cheese toastie is an ordeal.

We also see just how out of it Isak is, how that reminder of Even throws him off balance - not responding to the cafeteria worker right away, dropping his money, giving her the wrong amount.

I swear my heart jumped when Even appeared, just like Isak’s must have.

Do you think Even meant to walk up to Isak or he just happened to run into him? The former makes more sense as to why he’d be right there at the front of the cafeteria line, but Even also looks so startled and caught off guard. Or maybe he just wasn’t quite prepared to be so close to Isak again, face to face.

It really does not help that Even again looks very healthy and well put together, and Isak just looks devastated. His demeanor is so muted and physically he looks drained, like he hasn’t been sleeping. Even is feigning some energy but Isak can barely summon it.

It does wrench my heart that Isak isn’t even angry at Even here, or pretending to be fine, or anything other than depressed. He doesn’t have the strength for anything else.

Yeah, that is the saddest looking cheese toastie ever. I’d eat it if I had no other options but it’s like the food equivalent of tears.

Even tries to reestablish some friendly contact with that kardemomme reference, which is especially relevant because hey, it’s not just any old small talk, it’s their inside joke, which Even remembers. It’s a personal connection.

Oh God, and it makes me so sad that Isak gives a half-hearted laugh of recognition and tries to recreate the “kardemomme!” line but his voice is broken and not energetic.

True story: when I watched this the first time, I actually yelled, “No!!!” at my computer screen when Isak says “Kardemomme!” in that weak voice. Like, way to cause a pang in my heart, Skam. That was their beautiful bonding moment!!! It made us smile, and now it’s just a shell of its former self. You took something good and used it for evil, Skam.

Even’s smile at Isak’s attempt is genuine but falls as he realizes how messed up Isak is and how this just isn’t the same as before.

What do you think Even wanted to say before Isak ran off? I honestly have no idea. I feel like he wanted to connect with Isak on a more substantial level, IDK, maybe ask how he’s been, but who knows? There are many possibilities. Go for another joke, go for a neutral topic. Try to communicate that he still wants Isak, try to avoid that territory. But Isak couldn’t let him get another word out.

The fact that Isak can’t take anymore and runs off without waiting makes my soul turn to dust. And Even looks back at him before leaving.

I think Even really was rattled by this encounter. Like ... Isak was rough. Even broke up with him as a means of protecting them both, but clearly it didn’t work as well as he hoped since Isak is suffering. You know he’s thinking to himself, You did this. You made him hurt like this. And I think this is when Even starts to reconsider whether it was the right move to break up with him. Maybe even for himself, because he misses Isak so much and having Isak not want to talk to him, barely able to look at him, is too much to handle.

Clip 4 - The queen of Skam returns

Time for the Norwegian goddess of wisdom to make another appearance!

Lmao, the opening conversation is about someone pissing her pants while exercising. The women blame it on a lack of Kegel exercises. This is all openly discussed in the waiting room within earshot of Isak. Somehow I think Dr Skrulle is in her element. Nissen’s medical staff must just attract ladies prone to TMI and bizarre anecdotes.

The “eye exam” poster in the office says YOU SHOULD BE WORKING NOW, by the way.

Oh man, this was the point when fans thought Isak was going to steal Linn’s sleeping pills, or get sleeping pills and OD on them! Such a tense week. Isak is so miserable that it felt like something drastic could happen. We were all yelling for something good to happen this week.

I feel like when you step into this doctor’s office, time and space are slightly altered.

Truly there is nothing like Isak taking a seat and immediately within his line of vision is the good doctor and a dildo. He must feel like the presence of an artificial penis is the world is taunting him again.

This scene’s funny because Isak gets to play the straight man (ha ha) to the doctor. She exists in her own world and Isak is just this befuddled teenager trying to make sense of her.

Isak can barely look at Skrulle when he’s telling her about his problems. I guess you could read this scene as Isak badly wanting those pills and playing up his distress so she’ll give them to him, but I think he really is that miserable, as evidenced by everything we’ve seen of him this week, and he has trouble opening up to anyone about his problems so this is probably a last resort for him.

“I don’t drive a car, though.” AS WE WILL LEARN IN S4.

I remember that one interview Tarjei gave where he was going over his traffic problems, and lol, I feel you, kid.

Legit nothing like a Skrulle story to put your problems in perspective. Also, A+ segue from the story of someone getting into an accident and ending up in a wheelchair to asking Isak more about his sleep problems. And by A+ segue I mean there is no segue at all.

Isak’s sleep has gotten worse over the past few weeks, for reasons that are quite obvious to the viewers. Even’s presence will do that to you.

The doctor wants to refer Isak to a mental health clinic, and he doesn’t want that. In fact, Isak is really, really against this, like … more than just not wanting to, he’s vehemently saying no over and over. This absolutely has to do with his ableist beliefs and his stigma against the mentally ill. Isak definitely isn’t going to be like one of those people. Isak can’t be mentally ill. He can’t talk to a therapist. Just like he didn’t want to be scene as one of those ultra-gay people, he can’t lump himself in with people who need help with their mental health. Those people are crazy.

I remember right after this scene I wondered if Isak would actually go to the mental health clinic where he would run into Even, and that’s how we would learn that Even also has mental health issues. I was going to say that it would have been an awkward moment for them ... but then I realized, it can’t be any worse than how Isak did learn about Even’s mental illness.

Note that in S1, the girls went together to provide support for Vilde, but here in S3, Isak has to do this on his own. Makes sense that Skrulle’s advice ends up being about him not isolating himself and reaching out to others.

You know, I think of the locker room scene as a turning point in the season, but this scene is quietly a turning point as well. Skrulle gives Isak advice that will help him throughout the rest of the season. He can’t keep isolating himself. It’s advice that will not only help Isak, but allow him to extend that help to Even, and even to Sana in the next season. Even though the good doc expresses it in a quirky way, it’s solid advice.

“Don’t you have someone you can talk to?” “TALK TO JONAS,” screamed everyone watching.

Clip 5 - Jonas is king of the bros

Watching this week in real time was so stressful, Isak was so melancholic and alone, and this scene was such. a. relief. It would’ve been wonderful in any context, but it felt like a godsend after seeing Isak go through hell clip after clip.

One of the most observant details about the clip is Isak’s hesitation. He’s about to do something big and it’s not easy to just launch into it. He stands and watches Jonas for a little bit because, you know, it’s Jonas and Jonas is his best bro, but that doesn’t crush all the doubts in his head about what Jonas’ reaction could be. Not to mention he and Jonas haven’t had the best relationship lately.

But Jonas is still friendly when Isak approaches him. Perhaps he realizes that this is when Isak is going to tell him about whatever’s on his mind. Plus, you know, I’m sure he missed Isak! They’re best friends, it can’t have been great from Jonas’ POV to feel shut out from him.

I don’t know if there was any strategy involved in getting kebab other than teenage boys needing kebab to live, but it works as an icebreaker/apology of sorts (since Isak is paying) and I think, a buffer? It helps if there’s an activity like eating happening when Isak comes out, and that he’s not just telling a personal secret with nothing else to occupy Jonas’ attention.

Also, that they’re sitting on a bench side by side in this scene reminds me of all those Tumblr posts about how common it is for LGBT people to come out in cars, and how it’s easier to do when you’re not face to face. Isak and Jonas are looking at each other and making eye contact, but I do think it helps to have your bodies facing forward rather than toward each other. It gives a little distance, makes it less intimidating for Isak.

I just want to shout out that poster in the kebab shop window, which says, “EVERYDAY IT’S KEBAB TIME.” You’re damn right it is.

I feel like Jonas is telling this random puke story to Isak so Isak can work up to whatever he’s going to say. You can tell Isak’s listening but he’s not 100% there.

By the way, this puke story sounds like it could be about Magnus, except Isak says, “It’s never the ones that you expect that throw up,” and Magnus is absolutely someone I would expect to ruin his chances with a girl by throwing up all over her feet. Maybe this story was about the mysterious Julian Dahl!

Continuing on the point above about Isak’s hesitation, the pacing of this scene is a huge part of what makes it so great. Because Isak doesn’t sit down and start coming out right away, he doesn’t have a speech prepared (not that that it’s wrong or unrealistic to prepare a speech, but with Isak, he’s not a preparedspeech kind of guy). He has to work up his courage piece by piece over this conversation. He lets Jonas bullshit a bit, there’s a long silence where Isak keeps glancing over at Jonas as they eat, and you know he’s working out his nerves, wondering about Jonas’ reaction, getting himself to the point where he can just say it. Tarjei’s acting in this scene is so subtle and spectacular.

Jonas is such a dear, though. Marlon does this scene really really well because Jonas isn’t like … overcompensating or overly enthusiastic, he’s not pressing Isak too much. He’s very casual, but you can also see, for instance, when Isak brings up that he’s been acting weird lately, that Jonas looks at him attentively, ready to listen, because finally Isak is going to open up.

Just saying “there’s a person that I like” is a big thing for Isak to get out. He doles the information out little by little, he makes Jonas work for it. I think that what Isak is aiming for is similar to what many viewers suspect he wanted from Eva in S1. In the kitchen scene where Eva confronts Isak about ratting her out to Iben, Isak asks her to guess why he did it. You can make a case that he wants her to guess the real reason, that he has feelings for Jonas and is jealous - that maybe a part of him wants her to know and to take it off his mind. But of course she doesn’t guess and he runs with a lie instead. Here, I wouldn’t be surprised if Isak wants Jonas to say it before he has to - that he can come out without needing to say the words.

This is a pretty heartwarming scene, but Isak actually breaks my heart a little when he asks Jonas to guess. There’s so much fragility wrapped up in that moment and in Tarjei’s performance! This poor kid is so nervous.

Although bless Jonas for guessing Vilde, because it probably did give Isak a little moment to be like WTF, no, and make him laugh.

After that, Jonas says, “Can’t you just tell me?” But of course no, Isak can’t just tell him, because that’s very hard.

I mentioned it in my episode 5 review but again, Isak doesn’t come out by saying he is gay and then going into his relationship with Even. Instead, he phrases everything in terms of actions, in some roundabout ways. he coming out is a step by step process. First, it’s that Isak is acting weird because he likes someone. Then “It’s not a girl.” He doesn’t even say, “It’s a guy,” he says it’s not a girl because that’s the less direct way of saying it, of course.

Isak gets so alert and on edge after he says it’s not a girl. Waiting and watching for Jonas’ reaction. Nervous as to what’s it going to be. Meanwhile Jonas just keeps eating that fucking kebab. Like Isak could have said, “The reason I’ve been acting so strange lately is that I found out Donald Trump is my uncle,” and Jonas would have been like munch munch munch.

I think the fact that Jonas reacts so nonchalantly when he says, “Is it me?” helps Isak quite a bit. Not only is it a funny comment, but like … if Jonas is so casual about Isak potentially liking him, then surely he can’t be that bothered by Isak liking another boy? And Jonas is just like, “What, am I completely unattractive?” Which again, is a joke but also lets Isak know that Jonas is chill, he’s not worried about Isak the predatory gay guy perving on Jonas or any of those homophobic stereotypes.

And obviously, this scene is hilarious if you’ve seen S1 and are calling bullshit on Isak not liking Jonas. No, Jonas, I don’t like you! WTF! Bruh, you set fire to Eva’s social standing and her relationship because you had a crush on her boyfriend.

But man, you can see Isak lighten up sooooo much after this exchange. He got the words out there and Jonas didn’t react badly, they managed to joke about it, so far everything is the same between them. The happiness in his eyes is observable.

I don’t think Jonas had completely guessed Isak was gay, or dating a boy, until this moment. I feel like there were a number of things that seemed odd to him, including that random guy who brought Isak his hat and was at the lockers with him, that Jonas filed away as “huh” moments and that are starting to slot into place with Isak’s admission here. We know that Jonas recognized the “left your hat in the cafeteria” story as bullshit (clarified in the script), so he’s been picking up here and there on things that seem unusual or out of place.

You can see Jonas mouth “Even” to himself after Isak says the name, and it’s such a small gesture but it’s the sweetest thing? Like he’s making sure to absorb this detail, or that he’s finally putting a name to a face, and to the cause of all Isak’s weirdness lately. There’s a warmth to it.

Lmao, Jonas saying Even is a good-looking guy and Isak reacting with laughter and bafflement. It’s a silly moment but Jonas is kind of complimenting Isak here, like hey, good taste, or hey, congrats on bagging such a hottie. Not to mention he’s showing how chill he is with talking about guys’ attractiveness, something Isak himself struggles with. Of course there are higher stakes for Isak to admit a guy is hot when he’s actually gay and Jonas is a straight dude, meaning it’s not as loaded of a statement, but still, it’s positive for Isak to be around guys who can just say other guys look good and have it not be the end of the world.

Also, this is probably how Jonas would react if Isak was telling him he liked a girl. You like Emma? She’s hot. Letting Isak in on all these bro bonding moments, not excluding him from this social exchange just because he’s not straight.

And I’m really fond of Jonas being like “What am I supposed to say?” and Isak saying, “I don’t know myself.” To them, they’re not a PSA. They don’t know the “right” words for when someone comes out. They’re just two friends eating kebab on a bench together. Because yeah, there are obvious wrong ways to react to someone coming out, but there’s also no approved script for what to say. Each person is going to be different. I mean, if Jonas made a big deal of it, like, “You are my friend no matter what and I support you,” it would have been a nice gesture, certainly, but that’s not really the relationship he and Isak have, so this would make it artificial and maybe a little awkward. In fact, not having a pre-approved coming out script is a good thing, because Jonas not knowing what to say means he draws on his normal banter and conversation with Isak, which makes it better! That way he’s just treating it like a typical conversation. By reacting casually and not making it a big deal at all, Jonas gives Isak what he needs - nothing is going to change between them, not really. Considering that one of Isak’s greatest fears is that people will think of him differently and judge him a certain way if they know he’s gay, this must be a massive relief to him.

Additionally, imagine what a relief it is for Isak to be able to give Jonas a rundown of what’s happening with Even. To get off his chest the problems with him and Even; Isak don’t know what’s going on with Even, who has a girlfriend. This is the benefit of him coming out and being honest with Jonas. Suddenly all this shit he’s been bottling up, unable to talk to anyone about, can go through another set of ears. Jonas doesn’t even need to give him great advice or anything. Isak just needs someone to talk to.

Can Isak take some of his father’s guilt money and buy a phone case? Please???

Isak swallows when he realizes what the note in his pocket is. In-universe, it’s really a coincidence that he found the note right after talking to Jonas, but thematically, I don’t think it’s irrelevant that Isak’s bleak week ends after he opens up to someone.

THIS DRAWING. Gosh, it punches me right in the heart? First of all, adorable, and I love that Even always draws Isak with the snapback, and cartoon Even’s hair, and how cartoon Isak is slightly smaller than cartoon Even. But this is actually quite creative and clever of Even, too. I mean, he could have left him a more straightforward note or drawing, but he takes an original concept that’s so them to create something very memorable.

Even has taken several things that are relevant and specific to Isak-and-Even - the inside joke of the cheese toast with cardamom - and a weightier concept that was important to Isak - the parallel universes. Remember, Even wasn’t a fan of the parallel universes when Isak first mentioned them! However, here he’s using them in a way that’s more positive, he’s seeing the benefit of Isak’s worldview.

But what gets me about this sketch is the longing behind it. We have the reality, Isak eating his plain cheese toast alone. And we have the potential other reality, Isak and Even eating their far superior cardamom cheese toast together. It’s something of a kindness to Isak, telling him that somewhere they are together, but also expressing Even’s own desire to be with him. He does want to be with Isak. It’s just that they can’t be together, for mysterious reasons. It’s so bittersweet! They’re together, just not this Isak and this Even.

Even drew this for Isak after seeing him broken and depressed in the cafeteria. I think he really did not know how badly Isak was going to take the breakup and wanted to give him some comfort. This drawing is evidence of Even’s second thoughts.

Lol, and Jonas can’t know the full significance of this sketch, but it doesn’t take a genius to recognize that Even’s giving him handmade drawings of him and Isak together, and to see that for what it is.

“He needs to break up with his girlfriend.” Awww. What a sweet, encouraging thing, to say, and Isak smiles to himself. Things are coming up Valtersen.

This clip is when the hearts on the website turned into rainbow colors, and that alone makes me want to weep. I believe this was one of the most liked clips ever, and logically I do think it was because people were like, “Oooo, pretty!” and hitting that like button to see the rainbow, but I mean. This clip also deserves it.

The fact that this scene is based off a real story also makes me want to cry.

This week was so bleak and hard to get through, Isak just was in a terrible place, and I cannot express the release that the audience felt watching this scene.

The music over the credits is “Express Yourself” by N.W.A. Excellent both because, yeah, express yourself and you’ll be happier, Isak! Be true to who you are! And because Isak had previously mentioned N.W.A. as an example of “music you want to listen to when you want to feel tough.” This is Isak feeling pretty damn confident after things went right.

General Comments

There was very little social media this week, which makes total sense considering the state Isak is in. He’s cut off from all of his social connections.

One of Isak’s most redeeming qualities is his ability to learn from his mistakes. In an example from this week’s social media, he’s apologetic to Eskild in a text message. Eskild ribs him about what Isak said, saying that Eskild is busy working on a mascara collection with Kylie Jenner, before saying that they’re cool, basically. I think Eskild did take Isak’s comments pretty hard but realizes that Isak is young and insecure and not unable to learn.

There is an IG photo from Jonas with Mahdi and Magnus - boy squad minus Isak, just to rub it in (though I doubt that’s why Jonas posted it, to hurt Isak, but it does show how disconnected Isak is).

One of the other few text convos is between Kollektivet, where Isak only supplies one line but Linn mentions taking sleeping pills. For like a day or two, the fan theories were all about Isak stealing her sleeping pills in order to get some rest and accidentally ODing and needing to go to the hospital or something similar.

Isak’s mom sends him a religious text at almost 2 in the morning on Friday, hours before he comes out to Jonas. On the one hand, her texts are another source of stress to Isak. On the other, this text is … actually pretty positive? It’s a Bible verse, Joshua 1:9, which is:

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

A lot of Isak’s mom’s texts are about sin, they’re negative and judgmental in nature. This one, by contrast, is affirming. So I think that, even with Mama Valtersen’s texts being a cause for alarm, it’s possible that this text helped Isak before he came out to Jonas. Even with Isak not being a religious person, a general message of being strong and courageous can be an inspiring thing. If that’s the case, then I like that his mom could end up being a source of comfort to her son even prior to episode 9.

#skam reactions #skam season 3 #skam #isak valtersen #evak

126 notes · View notes

infini-tree · 6 years

Text

ok seeing as ive essentially bingewatched all of tpod have this informal review abt my first impressions overall:

pros:

while there are only so little movie characters in the series, the ones that do appear are still in-character and develops the secondary characters

THIS SHOW MADE ME RLY SAD ABT GRANDMA PANDA FOR A HOT SECOND THERE SO PROPS

actually, kinda made me care abt li shan by making him a more distinct character. ymmv on him, but the angle of him being this Really Proud Dad to compensate the fact that he’s never had to be w po during his childhood’s an interesting angle (either that or he was bragging. there’s probably that too)

the villain's main two-faced gimmick and deceit is good. you know that moment in kfp2 where shen tells po his parents never loved him to psyche him out?? that’s literally just jindiao’s mo, so its fun

so, here’s a possibly contentious opinion: the kids...... are alright. better than alright, really. they’re good. their characters are distinct, and they act like good kid characters-- they’re not obnoxious and their interactions are nice

every other series-exclusive character has fun designs and gimmicks for the most part

cons:

lets just get this one out of the way-- the five and shifu don’t show up. they’re only mentioned in name, and the closest thing you get to a cameo is nu hai holding the tigress action figure

admittedly, not all kids are made equal, development-wise. jing (the one with the white tiger) is the most developed out of the four by virtue of the fact that the most things happen to her than others. then comes nu hai (azure blue dragon), bao (black tortoise), and fan tong (vermilion bird red phoenix), so gauge your expectations based on that

the setting.......... is very small. by that i mean there isnt a lot of new places, and the ones that are there are pretty generic. really, there’s only two that stand out in my mind (the one based on the irl hanging monastery in china, and the Criminal Village whose name i forgot)

bits of dialogue uh... inconsistency??? like, you know how in movies there are certain elements that are arguably ‘modern’ (like the concept of action figures and the like) but are otherwise justified in a lighthearted-ish version of ancient china (like the concept of Really Fast Portrait Painters in place of cameras in holiday special)-- there are mentions of pizza and other contemporary things/turns of phrases for comedic effect, so depending on how you are it can be really jarring to hear that

they essentially incapacitated po in a way halfway thru the season, mostly so the kids dont have a safety net in the form of him potentially helping them out. its..... annoying

the actual four constellations-- you know, the characters whose existence kinda are/were pivotal to the plot?? they’re all very generic kinda-jerky kung fu guys in both personality and designs. they literally just rehashed the oogway/tai lung/shen models rip

the ending...... imo is a little............. basically really similar to kfp3. if you still want to watch it, then i won’t spoil it but it kinda lost me at the climactic final battle at the end there (which is Not A Good Thing for a climactic final battle to do)

slight quibble, but all this qi terminology is extremely silly. Good Chi?? Evil Chi??? HERO CHI????

let me be a little bit cynical here, a part of me still thinks they went w the panda kids angle is bc they’d appeal to kids more and potentially get more money

other things:

the kids are voiced by actual kids, i think?? or at least really convincing adults

heres another point of contention: the 2d ink style works better in the series than in 3 proper bc its a lot more sketchy and more like ink rather than clean lineart with an ink filter on top??? idk its hard to explain

on occasion, there will be a montage and those montages will have songs in chinese??? thats fun

more species are shown!!!

referenced kfp3 Happening and even named-dropped kai. conversely, it seems that they really want to brush kfp2 under the carpet when talking about past threats that befell the panda village

apparently they forgot insects are sentient in this universe, seeing as there are multiple gross food gags where bugs are an ingredient. notable mention goes to this maggot soup thing that one of the characters eats. does that count as eating children????

you bet ur ass im using the panda village lore in au’s

ping x cart real

conclusion:

imo the series is a fun departure from canon, but you Really gotta turn off your brain to keep from pointing out potential inconsistencies towards the movies. if you’re really turned off by the fact that the five and shifu aren’t here, then its probably not gonna be fun for you to sit thru 6.5 hours of this

but if you guys are interested in fun setpieces and characters with little regard for keeping movie canon sacred, then i guess i can recommend it. its kinda like watching those movies for anime series-- with minimal having to care about them outside of that one self-contained thing

but as ive said-- last bit is a copout, perhaps even moreso than 3. its really all about the journey for this series, rather than the destination

#mells thinking out loud on her blog again #kfp:tpod #kfp:tpod spoilers #kfp

15 notes · View notes

ghost-lytoast-blog · 5 years

Text

Can't Sleep #7: Growth Mindset and Human Development

We all- generation Z especially- fall victim to a specific state of being some like to call overthinking. Some can’t sleep because they’re thinking about their future. Others can’t stop thinking about that embarrassing thing they did last week. Some fall into depression overthinking things they’ve done or things that have been done to them years and ages ago.

I am all of these people.

That’s not to say that I’m deeply scarred and heavily bruised- there are definitely people in worse situations than I ever was in- but I fall into these pits of overthought quite often. It used to be much more often than normal, if you consider it normal to blame your genetic makeup for spontaneous blurting out “I love you”’s to complete strangers or ripping your clothes off while drunk at a party... anyway... I’ve just recently found a change in my mind space, and surprisingly enough, this is the conclusion I’ve reached:

We are all born with a growth mindset.

Let me explain.

Presumably, in the chain of evolutionary events that led humans to become... well... humans... we were faced with obstacles of everyday, pre-evolutionary life: eating the wrong berry and spending an evening crouching behind bushes, deciding that the best place for a new wooden tool is right beside an open fire, falling asleep next to a river infested with alligators... all mistakes and problems- if, of course didn’t end up fatal- we had to learn from in order to survive. The process of cause and effect has been in existence forever, but our brains aren’t predisposed to it. It still takes a toddler to poke at a candle to learn that fire plus finger equals pain. But it’s the toddler that didn’t stick his hand in the flame again that survived in pre-evolutionary times... Am I making sense? I hope so.

We, as humans, learn best from cause and effect. All of science is cause and effect, and science is everything (or at least the comparable explanation OF everything). We are analytical, inquisitive and driven to learn - whether it’s about scholarly works, how to be more successful in a certain realm, or even about the whereabouts of our significant others. We are machines fueled by taking in information and making sense of it.

The growth mindset is explained in these terms: an understanding that intelligence can be developed, therefore spiking one’s desire to learn and strive toward success. I believe that this definition of the growth mindset has a lot in common with evolution, specifically Darwinian theory of evolution by natural selection. It’s not a coincidence that the most successful people in today’s society are also equipped with a strong growth mindset.

When one is a child, they are constantly learning. The world is so new, that everything must be explained. As one develops, learning happens through experience, stories and warnings, whether they take shape in threats from parents or fairytales, gossip or civilian laws, the news or simply a song lyric. Through these, we learn social norms, vital lessons and other important things that makes us who we are. We are equipped with some degree of a growth mindset since birth because since birth, we cannot help but learn things. But most of us lose it when our brains slow in development, which is where we reach another point in this argument: Humans are predisposed with a physiological liking for stability, balance- in short, homeostasis. But life (and AP Psych) has taught me that homeostasis is also important in human psychology. We as humans generally consider stress to be a bad thing, therefore we do everything to avoid or get rid of it. We like happy endings in stories, where everything is resolved and nothing is open ended, which is why you won’t find many happy philosophy students but you’ll find plenty of content (and often dull, but that’s another essay) mathematics scholars. This is what makes thinking so frustrating to most people, so most don’t do it.

In the growth mindset, the most important thing is analysis. That is, being able to look back on one’s actions and either remembering what they did right and what they did wrong: in short, learning from one’s failures in order to prolong/ repeat one’s successes. If you’re a person with a strong growth mindset that wishes to implement its power in their day to day life, this can be tricky. This is why:

Analytical brains work almost solely on cause and effect: I do X, Y happens. Usually, there is a cause to an effect...

Did you catch the “usually”?

I say usually because there are always other factors that are at work OTHER than X. You can compliment a woman on her weight loss, and she can burst into tears. That doesn’t mean your compliment was the cause of her crying, the effect (turns out she’s battling anorexia, but who knew?). The analytical approach isn’t always the best way to assess one’s failures in day to day life, which is why applying the grown mindset to it is probably not a great idea.

But children, teenagers and younger people in general often find themselves awake at night, tossing and turning, being kept awake by the memories of these kinds of scenarios where THEY were the producers of these potential causes for failures. They take apart every second of that moment where they could’ve possibly done something different, whether it was swallowing a certain phrase, standing in a certain way, using a different tone of voice than they did in that moment. They tweak at the memories, imagining different (better) outcomes to their tweaked actions.

This is almost identical to the inner workings of the growth mindset: it is the analysis of cause and effect and learning from one’s mistakes. Most, if not all, people who are faced with this see it as an excruciatingly painful experience that disrupts the homeostasis in the most uncomfortable way: the brain is making a problem out of something it cannot change, a memory or an issue that has already passed.

This explanation can also aid in uncovering the mystery of when most people lose the growth mindset and lose interest in improving themselves: it happens in late youth. It’s not a coincidence that people start abusing drugs, doing poorly in school, or develop (depressive and anxiety specifically) mental disorders in their teens or in their 20’s. And while a lot of it has to do with genetics, hormones and natural maturation, a lot of it is psychologically developmental: when one experiences the stress that comes with constant analysis, introspection and internal evaluation, one is bound to look for anything that will return them into the homeostatic state.

#homeostasis #growth mindset #human development #psychology #philosophy #business #learning #psych

5 notes · View notes

creideamhgradochas · 6 years

Text

Thanks to the lovely @marvelatmytrash for taking the time to answer these! Get to know more about lovely Bee, go give her a follow and then show her some love!

These questions are from this list. You should check it out, there’s 50 questions all together and they’d be great to ask your favorite fic writer!

1) How old were you when you first starting writing fan-fiction?

I think I had just turned 22, I was fresh out of undergrad and wanted a way to keep my writing and editing skills sharp while I job hunted.

2) Do you prefer writing OC’s or reader inserts? Explain your answer.

I think I’ve only written reader inserts. I usually leave their physical attributes nondescript but I definitely create intense personalities to all my reader inserts. I think I do this because I want my readers to imagine themselves as these strong, kickass females, who are also vulnerable, but have weak spots, the same way all of us do. I put a lot of effort into creating strong female characters that still have flaws, no Mary Sues for me!

3) What is your favorite genre to write for?

I love writing Marvel. I pretty much only write Marvel, predominantly Canon because I have so much comic book knowledge, plus I love writing fight scenes.

4) If you had to delete one of your stories and never speak of it again, which would it be and why?

Oh lord, probably Compensation and Consequences, its just a small little one shot that I did as a request but its a Game of Thrones AU. It definitely has some problematic choices in it, I totally shoe horned the sex and attraction into it. Overall it’s just trash.

5) When is your preferred time to write?

I always find myself writing at 1am or onwards. A lot of the time I’ll just knuckle down around 1am and do what I call a writing sprint, where I’ll write all the new parts for whatever stories I’m working on and get them all done in one night, then edit the next day and start queuing them up.

6) Where do you take your inspiration from?

This is so embarrassing but I get most inspired by listening to musical soundtracks. There are a couple of my stories that have direct song quotes from Waitress and Heathers. Musicals are so rich and overdramatic, they have always been a big part of my emotional development. So whenever inspiration strikes I have a whole playlist of angst songs or love songs from various musicals that I just play in the background on repeat and I will shamelessly pull lines directly from them.

7) In your Divided series, what’s your favorite scene that you wrote?

Ooo that’s such a tough one, honestly that whole series is just one of my absolute favorites. But if I had to choose, I think the chase scene in Bucharest. It’s so dynamic and there is so much happening and I honestly watched that scene frame by frame for a week and worked this original character into it step by step.

8) Have you ever amended a story due to criticisms you’ve received after posting it?

I’ve never changed the story itself. A couple times I’ve changed the formatting at peoples suggestions. I didn’t chunk my paragraphs well when I first started, but someone suggested I break it up more so I did. It’s little changes like that, but I would never change what I write because someone dislikes it. My writing is for me, I’m just sharing it with others for fun.

9) Who is your favorite character to write for? Why?

Bucky. Absolutely Bucky. Though I am warming up to Steve. He has such dimension to him, he’s been a favorite of mine ever since I started reading comic books. His story is so sad and in-depth and there has always been room for new details and development in every reboot. He’s such a dynamic character and that makes him such a treat to write.

10) Who is your least favorite character to write for? Why?

Hahaha I guess Thor, but I actively avoid writing him cause his tone is so hard to get right without over doing it, so I’m not sure if he counts. Tony is tough too, cause you want to be quippy and clever without being over the top, and that’s a very fine line.

11) How did you come up with the title for the Divided series?

I am a big fan of one word titles, maybe I am just on the Disney train with Tangled, Brave, Frozen, etc. I love it when one word can encapsulate what the series is about and also when the word has more weight than just it’s basic meaning. Aftershocks, my first series, is a good example of this. The main character has suffered from shock torture and has a lot of scars and residual issues from it, but Aftershocks is also a psych term sometimes used to refer to the radiating effects of PTSD on the victim and those around them. Divided was the same way, it encapsulated both the theme of Civil War which is the changing and division of Tony and Steve’s relationship and also shows how Bucky and Steve, though still perceived as a unit are Divided now by not only their different experiences but their competition for the same woman.

12) How did you come up with the idea for Divided series?

I’m honestly not entirely sure. I had this basic idea of working a reader into Bucky’s story in Civil War, but the original plan didn’t have Steve involved at all and definitely wasn’t on the level that Divided eventually became. Once I decided that the reader would start with Steve, it immediately raised the stakes of the whole story and this character of The Scorpion began to take shape. After that, the whole thing got pretty easy, she was a fully formed character and a lot of what happened in Divided was just me asking myself what choices this character would make and how the surrounding characters would honestly respond. I try really hard to just develop my characters thoroughly and then let them make honest choices, I think that’s the best way to keep a story real and authentic.

13) Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?

Oh yes, my hidden shame, and it haunts me. It’s called Royal Flush, and it currently has 3 parts. It’s a T’Challa fic and a lot of people have found it and liked it and I feel so guilty that it hasn’t gone anywhere in a year. Honestly, this mess up is totally on me. I never draft out my stories, and I know I should, I usually just make it up as I got along and sometimes I just hit a blockade with where it’s going to go. I definitely want to finish that fic, but just have no idea how, so if anyone has any ideas or suggestions, throw them my way!

14) Are there any stories that you’ve written that you’d really love to do a sequel to?

I’m going to say Divided, just because it is one of my favorites and I so deeply love Scorpion as a character. Her struggle in Divided was so hard and I hate to leave her there just heartbroken. I have drafted a couple followups for that story, but after how Infinity War ended, I feel like it would just be cruel to put her through losing Bucky all over again.

15) Are there any stories that you wished you’d ended differently?

I am happy to say that there are none that I would do differently. I’m extremely content in how they all ended.

16) Tell me about another writer(s) who you admire? What is it about them that you admire?

I mean first and foremost, I have to talk about @imhereforbvcky, she was my first real friend on here. We started talking when I was writing Aftershocks and I eventually convinced her to take a crack at writing herself and she finally did and wrote this incredible fic, I’ll Be Good. It honestly is so amazing! Mee specializes in the fem fatale, she writes these incredible badasses that are all dark and twisty, I honestly don’t know how she makes violence so elegant, but she does.

@denialanderror is another one, her Melodies series is so perfect and lovely, she gets this beautiful vulnerability to Bucky that just attacks my heart. It’s such a wonderful change of pace from the way that I write and I always reread it whenever I need to be reminded of the soft parts in his personhood. I honestly love it so much and recommend it to everyone. Plus she is an amazing friend and such a fun person to send memes back and forth with.

Finally @bitsandbobsandstuff just full on destroyed me as a person with Safe With Me. That story honestly puts everything I’ve ever written to shame, her deep understanding of Bucky as a character is just like nothing else I’ve ever read. It’s such an in-depth story with an incredible slow burn, if you haven’t read it yet, you are missing out.

17) Do you have a story that you look back on and cringe when you reread it?

I cringe a little bit with Aftershocks, my first series, but I also see a lot of value in it. Whenever I get stuck or think my writing isn’t good enough, I reread it and remind myself how far I have come as a writer, and that always helps to get me back on track.

18) Do you prefer listening to music when you’re writing or do you need silence?

Both, sometimes I just have the same song playing on repeat in the background, other times I need complete silence cause the monologue in my head is flowing so quickly. I definitely edit in silence, I cannot hear my tone or catch my mistakes when rereading if I don’t have silence.

19) Have you ever cried whilst writing a story?

Hahaha I have, I cried while writing a couple parts of Divided, that story is very close to my heart cause the love triangle in it is unfortunately something that happened to me, and I accidentally hurt someone I cared for a lot.

20) Which part of your Divided series fic was the hardest to write?

Hahaha probably the one or two sex scenes I snuck into it hahaha. It was just not a story that really leant itself to smut. Like you’re not going to be running for your life, camping out with fellow teammates and just quietly have a fuck in the dirt. So squeezing those sex scenes in there always felt a bit funny to me, but I think in the long run they both fit and were put in at appropriate times.

21) Do you make a general outline for your stories or do you just go with the flow?

I probably should make an outline but I always just go with the flow, I honestly have no idea where my stories are going till they get there. But I do reread my story whenever I get stuck so that way I can tie things back in or close up lose ends.

22) What is something you wished you’d known before you started posting fan-fiction?

To breakup my paragraphs and use the keep reading button hahaha

23) Do you have a story that you feel doesn’t get as much love as you’d like?

I am currently feeling that way about a story I just started called Siren’s Soldier, so I paused it for a little bit to see if it was worth continuing but it recently got a bunch of love while I was in Italy so it might be time to come back to it.

24) In contrast to 23 is there a story which gets lots of love which you kinda eye roll at?

Nothing that I’ve written to be honest. There are a couple of exceptionally problematic stories that have an absurd amount of notes and that bums me out, just because I don’t like seeing those kind of relationships idolized or modeled. To clarify, the issue I have is that these kind of stories have a lot of gas lighting, self harm, non consensual sex, and sometimes even violent relationship dynamics. I work very hard to make sure that my characters model healthy relationship habits and positive communication because we need to stop romanticizing rape and abuse in relationships, so it bugs me when fics that do that are popular.

25) Are any of your characters based on real people?

I model my readers off of specific parts on my own personality. I essentially take one side of myself and just exacerbate it into a whole character. I am a very independent person and a feminist myself so a lot of my female characters have those similar qualities of independence and confidence. Especially when doing reader inserts, you want to make the character someone that you yourself want to be, your alter ego, someone to escape to. That’s why I’ll let my characters, be selfish or shitty communicators but I’ll never let them get down on themselves, we do enough of that in our real lives, lets not do it in our fantasy lives.

26) What’s the biggest compliment you’ve gotten?

Hmmm this is a hard one, @imhereforbvcky sent me a very disarming compliment the other day that totally moved me to tears. But most of the ones that really hit me are when people recognize the amount of effort that goes into everything, or when they message me to talk about my story and see all the little easter eggs I’ve tossed into the early chapters. I also live for every reblog you’ve ever done, they always make me feel so loved and valued, I’ve honestly have gone back and reread your reblogs when I’m feeling down on my writing and they always pick me back up. It takes a lot of time to create a world and characters and tie everything together in one neat story and having that recognized always makes my heart sing!

27) What’s the harshest criticism you’ve gotten?

I haven’t really gotten a lot of harsh criticism, I’ve gotten bullshit anonymous messages that are just mean, but no real criticism. I’ve gotten constructive criticism but a lot of that has been kind and helpful so I don’t take that personally at all.

28) Do you share your story ideas with anyone else or do you keep them close to your chest?

@imhereforbvcky and @denialanderror and I have a group chat on instagram so whenever I’m particularly jazzed about something I drop the premise into that chat and get their feedback but most of my big twists or turns I keep close to my chest so that way they can be a surprise to everyone.

29) Do people know you write fan-fiction? In my real life?

Some people. My best friend knows but she’s never read it. My boyfriend knows and sometimes reads the smut I write and will use it against me in bed. He frequently likes to quote some of my own lines to me, he thinks its funny, I don’t find it as amusing. But he is a lot of my inspiration for writing positive relationship dynamics, we work really hard at having a healthy, communicative relationship and that manifests in my writing frequently.

30) What’s you favorite minor character you’ve written?

I really like Om, this character I wrote for Siren’s Soldier, they are non binary and do not have a set gender identity so that was fun to play with and extrapolate on, especially because their non-binary personality had a lot to do with their power so that was really cool to explore to explore.

31) What spurs you on during the writing process?

I generally get really excited when things are free flowing so I guess I spur myself on. I take a lot of joy and pleasure in the things I write and feel my stomach twist when I’m writing suspenseful parts, so a lot of it is just my own enjoyment.

32) What’s your favorite trope to write?

I’m a sucker for the slow burn, so I love writing the enemies become lovers trope. Usually I don’t actually start them as real enemies, but they never start close or as friends. I’m not a big fan of the falling in love with my best friend trope, as I have a bunch of guy friends that I have never once had an urge to fall in love with haha.

33) Can you remember the first fic you read? What was it about?

Oh god, I honestly can’t. I wish I could. I didn’t start reading fanfic until after Civil War came out and I graduated from college. I remember being in a place where I was just disenchanted with porn but I was super into marvel so I went looking for marvel smut on the internet and found the Bucky smut rabbit hole. I remember reading a lot of different stories and never finding exactly what I wanted and also finding a lot of problematic sexual relationships. At that time I was working as a sex education teacher and I remember thinking that I could write better smut with healthier relationship dynamics, and I did. That’s how it all started.

34) If you could write only angst, fluff or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?

Ooooh blimey, this is impossible because I write a combination of all three most times. I guess I would have to say angst, causing it doesn’t get boring so easily. There are so many angst tropes to explore and play with. So yes, definitely angst.

#milestone celebration #ask the author #marvelatmytrash

9 notes · View notes

thatjwguy · 6 years

Video

youtube

Bullet For My Valentine - Tears don't fall (Lyrics)

Well, not really a better title for this sorta post... i personally have been making amends with my past and or present. This song indirectly says everything that i would like to say in this post to be honest. still i feel i should elaborate to some extent as to not leave people in the dark, i feel like that much is owed to the person who decides to read this post. so before we go further, just know im not a hardcore emo fan, just like this particular song since it speaks volumes to my current situation. Nothing against people who love this style, i see the appeal.

This is going to border on the lines of insanity but its really more of a spiritual issue. How shall i start this trip down my rabbit hole of weirdness. Lets go back 3 or so years ago. This is about the time i had my first breakdown, it was induced by weed but not the cause of it. I was already predisposed to this disorder from the get go, iv done some research on this already. Look up how marijuana does not cause symptoms of schizophrenia but that it can induce it depending upon the individual who uses the substance. just wanted to point these things out in case someone trys to label me a anti-pot advocate or something to that effect.

Im gonna lay this all out as clear as possible but without pointing fingers or making anyone feel bad. This was all my own doing, my mind took a break and decided to go on vacation. I was in this trance-like state for quite awhile after the initial break. I started to see hallucinations, visions, apparitions, hear voices and so on and so forth. Mental illness should never be taken lightly, neither do the spiritual elements to this world we currently live in. Sorry for leaving ya hang for a bit, i just feel these sorta things should be put up front so the reader has and idea of where im coming from. So, lets continue i promise not to go on too long of tangents, at least i hope not.

Three years is a while to be dealing with stuff like this, it takes a major toll on you as a person. People tend to shrug off stuff like this as if can be as simple as just flipping a switch, let me tell ya, nothing could be further from the truth. While i was in the midst of this mental delusion or breakdown i was also dabbling with the occult to some extent, well i was trying to expose things in the world related to the occult. I listened to people like Alex Jones and other truthers out there on the interwebs. Perhaps i had the break for a reason, since opening your eyes to the world around you really does have a deep impact on you as a human. I guess some people arent ready to be awakened to the matrix, i feel like i fit the bill for that one.

I was also deep into certain forms of entertainment, which may or may not be within the realm of the occult to some degree. I won't say they are, just that spiritually speaking, we are all exposed to this world, spiritual darkness/light does exist so we must come to terms with this idea right now. These forms of entertainment were that of heavy metal music, horror movies, video games etc. etc. So you could begin to see how this might play a role in someone's environment not being so healthy, not to mention genetic predispositions or trauma experienced during childhood. So no blame is being put anywhere here, just need to lay it all out there so people can fully understand what could possibly make situations worse for people suffering from these illnesses.

Again, i must apologize since i do babble, i am laying out the groundwork for how all of this happened and help others understand it better. So in this day we live in people believe in many ideologies. Too many to name right off but i will mention that i did try to do the New Age thing at one point during all this. Since the voices kept insisting this was some form of ascending or something to that effect. You hear terms like this often with New Age beliefs, ascended masters, 3rd eye-opening, gods/goddess, soulmates/twinflames. All sorts of interesting perspectives to the things that are actually happening. I say that since i come from a biblical background, i believe this is just a deception from the Devil, not some form of spiritual awakening (False Awakening).

I mention the twin flame thing since that seemed to be something they wanted me to know about, they wanted to lead me in a direction that i was somehow spiritually connected to people i was never actually connected to. I fell into a trap in my mind, thinking it was real and that i was somehow connected to celebrities or public figures iv never even met. Just cause my mind was gone, and also since with this belief, people do actually think they are all connected to one another universally or something like that. Like some sort of cosmic beehive that we are all apart of, we can tap into that only if we go through the ranks and reach Christ consciousness. Again i don't believe these things, its just what i see out there. I would encourage you to investigate this for yourself.

Everyone has the desire to know more about their existence, so thats what i was trying to do. To figure out where i came from or how everything came to be. The problem was my heart/mind was not in the right place. I was doing things for selfish reasons. I not only wanted to be apart of something more than myself, i also wanted to have things i could not have. So perhaps this was that outlet for me, to live out a fantasy of sorts but in a spiritual way since in reality, i knew something like this could not be. I wanted to believe i could connect with people on a conscious leavel, like a telephone call or something like that. With the new age, they say you can tap into that christ like consciousness and experience something along the lines of telepathy.

So, that's how i thought for a while, that the voices were like a telepathic line to some of these people. I fell in love with that idea until i found out it was a deception. Why wouldn't you want to believe you had some sort of ability to talk to people using only your mind. Since my heart was in the wrong place tho, i ended up abusing what i thought was power. I used it to try indirectly message people. Thinking i was actually talking to the people in my head, even though that was never the case. This is why i called it insanity in the beginning, you cant make this stuff up folks, i thought i was talking to people in my head in real life. Not only that but i also had lucid dreams involving those people. So in my reality, this was happening, no matter how you explained it to me.

This is how the trap was laid out for me, i fell for it hook line and sinker. I also developed an obsession with some of the celebrities associated with the voices in my head. Thinking they knew about all of it too, just not really coming right out and saying it since they don't want to damage their image or make things public you know. I mean really, who would come out and make something like this public, they would look pretty insane just like i am right now. So, let me be clear, iv had psych help and meds help me to come back to reality since all of this happened. I no longer believe any of this, i just think i had a really wild fantasy that turned out to be a spiritual and psychological problem.

As wild as it may appear, i think many out there do believe these sorta things. Look up youtube videos. People do believe they can have astral sex or spiritual sex with spirits or other people. So, im not that crazy for believing these things. Many people fall into these traps wanting to believe in something more, which isn't all bad, just misguided thats all. My main issue tho is that i was torn between two different women in my head, even more if i wanted to be completely honest with myself. I had talked myself into believing i was telepathically connected to women i would never have a chance with in real life. That they even wanted me at one point... yeah, pretty bizarre thinking pattern i know. So, kids dont do drugs or dabble in the occult cause you might get sucked into thinking you have godlike powers lol.

I suppose my heart was just torn on the people i admired or had a crush on, perhaps at one point i even considered polyamory as an option. I was so selfish in thinking i could have these things and never really stopping to think, well what do they think about this, or i don't even deserve this at all. Just the gull in that line of thinking alone is enough to make me almost hate myself for even trying to make these fantasy women love me, all of them. I was basically being a player in the spiritual sense. So, yeah, you can guess how all of that played out. Many fights inside my head about beliefs and even with the women in my head. You wanna know what insanity is, try having imaginary voices of pissed off women in your head every day for 3 years.

You may ask yourself, do i still hear them. Yes to some degree i do, but medications and therapy have helped me cope with all of this. Do i still love the people who are in my head, yes on a human level i still love them very much. Despite it all being just in my head, i just want them to be alright and know i was never trying to hurt them, just wanted to be loved by someone. Yes, it does appear to me that i needed to fix the wrong i had done, even if it was just in my head, the voices are still very real and do get mad when you act out or are a jerk, just like in real life. So i have used that as a tool to help me grow as a person, knowing we are all flawed and make mistakes. I needed to mend my mind and make peace with them. So this is also how im doing that, trying to make peace.

In the end i was completely off the deep end in all this thinking, now i must live with the choices iv made. Even if iv never really hurt anyone in the real world, i still need to make this right, just on a personal level. Also even in Gods eyes, this could be something very real to him, doing things of that nature. Imagine, people do actually do things of that nature in the real world, play games with people and make them feel like they are the only one. When i reality they are cheating around every corner with some other person, either just because or for other unknown reasons. Maybe they just never see eye to eye or people just want to live that rock n roll style life and bed multiple partners just for the sake of saying they did. For me tho, i really want just one woman, just one who i know will be there for me and will stick with me no matter how hard it gets, Even with my mental illness she sees im a good man, trying to make it work.

I know a woman like that still exists out there despite all the BS you hear from other men or even women for that matter. Perhaps i will find her in my faith, which is the thing Jehovah God would want, or maybe in the world. Some things are better left unknown. Just know that when the time is right, it will happen, not by force, but just because we are both ready to be in a committed relationship, not matter what gets in our way, we will have faith. Yes, this just turned into a post about me having women trouble, not entirely but yeah, i am pretty caught up in these things in my head so i must be honest with you. So now i guess you have a bit more insight into the way my mind works. Never again will i go into this much detail about my psych break. So consider yourself blessed or cursed with more knowledge of this random dude on the internet.

Im about done here, so thanks for dropping by to go down this deep pit of my mind. I love you for doing that, just for caring enough to sit through this long and drawn out post about a guy having women problems in his head, its much more than just that but yeah. That's just the overly simplified version of this mess so that i don't get people too confused. Even though im betting you stil are, even i find myself still questioning these things from time to time. Well, that about does it, i have to get going, the voices are telling me i need to go play the new spiderman game that just came out, yes it is very awesome, i would definitely recommend you try it.

1 note · View note

grapevynerendezvous · 3 years

Photo

Strawberry Alarm Clock - Incense and Peppermints

Strawberry Alarm Clock evolved primarily from the band Sixpence that had formed in 1965 and then became known as Thee Sixpence. The original members were Lee Freeman rhythm guitar, harmonica, lead vocals, Ed King guitar, Michael Luciano tambourine, vocals, Gary Lovetro bass, Steve Rabe lead guitar, and Gene Gunnels drums. They recorded an early single on Impact Records. Five singles were recorded on manager/producer Bill Holmes’ All-American Record label in 1966 under the name Thee Sixpence. Four of those 45s were Fortune Teller b/w My Flash On You, Long Days Care b/w Can’t Explain, In the Building b/w Hey Joe, and Heart Full of Rain b/w Fortune Teller. Organist Mark Weitz replaced the departing Rabe and Luciano, sharing lead vocals with Freeman, while Ed King took over as lead guitarist. Birdman of Alkatrash b/w Incense and Peppermints was the final single. At this point Randy Seol replaced Gunnels as drummer. The final two singles weren’t released until January and April 1967 respectively.

The April release started getting heavy airplay by local Los Angeles DJs, but the B-side Incense and Peppermints was the one they played. It caught the interest of UNI Records, a subsidiary of MCA Records (later Universal Music Group) who released a second pressing in May 1967 with Incense and Peppermints now the A-side. The band signed a deal with UNI to record an album. Since there was a local band with a similar name it was decided that they needed a new one. While hanging around at Mark Weitz’s, where they rehearsed, the band members decided to use Strawberry, taken from the Beatles’ recent hit, Strawberry Fields. While trying to think of something to go with it they noticed the noise of an old alarm clock in the room and the name Strawberry Alarm Clock came into being. More songs were needed for the album. At Randy Seol’s suggestion George Bunnell was invited to get involved even though he was thoroughly involved with the band Waterfiord Traene, which Seol had just been in. Bunnell had been composing songs with his friend, and Traene bandmate, Steve Bartek since he was fourteen years old. The producer and the band listened to some of those songs and decided to include the ones they heard on the album. As the recording started Bunnell was invited to join the band. Despite regretting to leave the other band he decided to do that. Bartek ended up being included as a flute player on some of the album’s tracks while George became the second bass player in the band. Steve too was invited to join SAC, but at age sixteen his parent’s were unwilling to give him permission to do so. Nonetheless, the three former Waterfyrd Traene members played in another band, Public Bubble during their SAC tenure, and later in Buffington Rhodes for a time after SAC had folded.

Incense and Peppermints developed gradual interest over the next four months, finally debuting on the Billboard Hot 100 on September 30 at No.88. Momentum started building at this point and two months later, November 25th, it reached No.1 on Billboard. After placing No.23 on Billboard for the year of 1967, the single’s 16th and last appearance on the Top 100 was at No.37 on January 13, 1968. Meanwhile, the album, also called Incense and Peppermints, was released in November and debuted on the Billboard Top 200 album chart on November 4th at No.197. By January 6 it crested at No.11 for three weeks and lasted in the Top Album 100 for 18 weeks ending March 9th. It managed to last another six weeks in the Top 200, last appearing at No.197 on April 13, 1968. While in its’ prime on the chart it earned a Gold Record for 500,000 sold.

THE TRACKS

The longest song, The World”s on Fire, starts things off. It is the longest track on any of SAC’s albums at over eight minutes. There are vocals, which feature interesting harmonies, but a variety of instruments take center stage for most of the piece, with Steve Bartek’s flute and Mark Weitz’ organ being the bulwark of the sound over a rhythm that stays basic and true. Among the solos however, there is vibraphone played by Randy Seol, Ed King’s guitar, and Seol playing a drum solo that blends in with the continuing sound. It is unusual to find a song that is the longest on an album being lead off, but it sets the tone for the rest of the record. Credit for the composition goes to the entire band.

The next song is the second shortest one at just under two minutes. It was composed by George Bunnell and Steve Bartek, one of four songs on the album they collaborated on. Both joined the band, after the song Incense and Peppermints had been recorded, primarily because they were songwriters. In actuality they brought some songs they had already written with another band with them, and this may have been one of them. The title of the song, Birds in My Tree, is sung only once, mid-song, with no indication how it related to the rest of the lyrics except when they say, “Raise up your arms higher, we have a reason to fly.”

Lose to Live is a relatively short suite that begins with a jump blues riff that features vocals and a harpsichord. It shifts into a different meter with spoken, half shouted vocals, before shifting into a swinging vibraphone section that brings the vocals to conclusion. This, of course, leads to the drum solo which then collapses into an experimental mish-mash of sound, and then back to the jump blues riff and finally a type of minor-chord circus theme bringing the song to conclusion.

Side One closes with another Bunnell-Bartek penned song, this one likely written after they joined the SAC since the title is Strawberries Mean Love. The predominate instrumental feature are droning guitars throughout and a certain amount of “doo-wah, doo-wah”.

Rainy Day Mushroom Pillow is the album’s most representative song of what has become known as psychedelic music. This was one of the George Bunnell-Steve Bartek penned numbers which they had written a year or two before while hanging out on a warm summer day, perhaps dreaming of a rainy day. Starting off with Bartek’s flute and filled throughout with Randy Seol on bongos, it is soft, smooth, and laidback. The song is underscored with Mark Weitz’ organ, while adding a touch of harpsichord here and there. The guitar work, while understated, does its’ share of filling in the lush instrumental sound. The vocals feature some notably lush harmonies as well. Lyrically, the song is a bit “out there”, but it was the sixties after all, fitting right into the mood of the era. It still left things a bit off-kilter with the chorus of “Poison Dreams, Distorted Dreams, Mushroom Dreams”, but it all came back together with it being a “Rainy day mushroom pillow” after all.

Paxton’s Back Street Carnival is an upbeat song also written by Bunnell and Bartek. George said it was a positive take on the typical LA freeway scene mixed in with a carnival that was located not far from it. After all, if one is stuck in freeway traffic, they might as well fantasize about being at a carnival. It kicks off with some punchy guitar that resurfaces with a short effective solo. All the while the score exudes music that is carnival-like, particularly as the song concludes. Mark Weitz’ organ and harpsichord licks enhance this mood effectively. Paxton’s Back Street Carnival was the only other song from the album that appeared on a single. This wasn’t until 1968 when it was the B-side of Sea Shell, a song on their third album.

The next number may come off sounding joyful, but Hummin’ Happy is far darker than its’ title. It is actually the twisted thoughts of a protagonist who relishes the sadistic scenes in the song. An effective rocker as well, it has some stormy guitar work to match the darkness of the lyrics. All the while the harmonies are the main lyrical focus throughout the cut. In addition to Bunnell, Randy Seol contributed to the writing of Hummin’ Happy.

Pass Time with the SAC, attributed to the entire band, is the album’s only instrumental. It is a punchy little number, the shortest one on the album at only 1:21. It would actually have been a good vehicle to stretch out on.

Interesting placement for the album’s only single, Incense and Peppermints, as the second to the last song on the record. By the time the album was released it was steadily climbing to its’ No.1 position on Billboard, reached just three weeks thereafter. It was a well-crafted psych pop song that seemed to contain all the creative elements necessary to be a timely contender in that era. These include an intricate blend of Eastern flavored guitars and organ, minor and major harmonic keys throughout, plus strong hooks, one of the strongest being the chorus, “who cares the games we play, little to win, and nothing to lose”. It was Strawberry Alarm Clock’s only single to garner a gold record for one million sold.

Mark Weitz had the original idea for the music, writing the intro, verses and ending while enlisting Ed King to assist with the bridge, and the lead guitar parts. At the time that music was recorded at Original Sounds studio in Hollywood, there was only a temporary title and no lyrics. Producer Frank Slay sent the fully mixed music track to John S. Carter, a musician/songwriter with the band Rainy Daze, whom Slay also produced. While Carter was fully responsible for the lyrics, he had a writing partner, Tim Gilbert, who was also credited for the lyrics. It is said that when Slay gave the song to Carter to write lyrics for it, he suggested the name Incense and Peppermints, and that was the focus Carter had in writing the song.

The band members didn’t particularly care for the words of the song, in particular Lee Freeman, who was the regular lead singer.

At the next recording session attempts to get the vocals done were made, including John Carter who had been invited to be there by Slay. Another client and friend of Slay’s was in the studio and he was invited to give it a try.

His effort was considered to be by far the best and this was how non-band member Greg Mumford’s vocals ended up being used for the final product. Of course this was for what was to be the B-side of the novelty song, Birdman of Alkatrash, that had been written by Mark Weitz. Mumford, a member of the Shapes and Sounds, was offered a spot in the band but declined. Once Incense and Peppermints became a big hit it was always a challenge to have the song sung at live performances. Drummer Randy Seol was tapped for that duty until he left the band.

Meanwhile, manager/produce Bill Holmes decided that he, as well as all the band members, should also receive composition credit. Producer/publisher Slay was the one making final approval of what would appear on the label. Holmes didn’t agree with Slay’s mandate that no more than four names could be used. When it came time for the finished product however, only Carter and Gilbert were given credit for the composition despite the fact that Weitz and King had been the primary creators of the song in the first place. After extensive complaint they ended being credited as arrangers, but never got paid for the song they originally created. While some band members considered legal action later it was eventually dropped.

The closing song, Unwind with the Clock, is virtually an instrumental for all but about 25 seconds that comes just before the ending. Written by Mark Weitz and Ed King, it features extensive organ and some guitar to a jumpy jazzy beat. The heart of the song though is Randy Seol’s vibraphone solo followed by Seol’s drum break. Weitz slips in a wheezy discordant trilll on the organ to end the song.

More line up changes began occurring even as the album Incense and Peppermints was being recorded. With the addition of George Bunnell it meant that there were two bass players, he and Gary Lovetro. Most of the time Bunnell did effects playing with his bass and some other instruments. However, since Bunnell was more familiar with the bass lines of the songs he had written he stepped in to play on some of those. Additionally, Ed King also played bass parts on some songs when Lovetro wasn’t able to handle them. Gradually Lovetro was shifted to being road manager. After conflicts with other band members he was bought out of the group before the release of their second album, which he had not played on at all.

The second record, Wake Up…It’s Tomorrow, is generally considered SAC most polished album, perhaps even its’ best musically, but it failed to chart. Still, two singles were released beginning with Tomorrow b/w Birds in My Tree from the first album which reached a respectable No.23 on the Billboard Hot 100. The first single was recorded in 1967 and released in December, hitting 23rd for two weeks in the last two weeks of February. The album wasn’t released until June. Sit With the Guru b/w Pretty Girl from Psych-Out was the other single, reaching No. 65 on Billboard.

Mark Weitz and Ed King were involved with composing of the newer songs on the singles. After their experience with getting shut out on Incense and Peppermints, they wanted to make sure that never happened again. Overall the songwriting spread out to Weitz, King and Freeman, and of course Bunnell and Seol were still there for some. Steve Bartek briefly became an official band member as guitarist and co-wrote one song with Bunnell and Seol. Howard Davis also co-wrote some songs, but his primary benefit to the band was being an amazing vocal coach for their harmonies. The poor showing for the album has been partially attributed to it coming out so long after the first single, Tomorrow, and that UNI didn’t promote it strongly. The underlying factor concerning the latter was that manager Bill Holmes refused their promotional assistance while trying to maintain control of the band.

With the failure of the second album the band went back to work on another album immediately and The World in a Sea Shell was released in November 1968. The producers decided to exert more control over the record by having more outside writers involved, including John Carter (and Tim Gilbert), and Carol King. That, along with a lusher less experimental feel to some of the songs, failed to produce better results. This frustrated the band and lead to the firing of manager/producer Bill Holmes following the album release. Two singles were released with one of them, Barefoot in Baltimore b/w An Angry Young man, reaching No.67 on Billboard. The other single, Sea Shell b/w Paxton’s Back Street Carnival from the first album failed to chart.

At this point George Bunnell and Randy Seol departed in disagreements with the band concerning Holmes handling of the band’s business affairs. With Steve Bartok they formed the band Buffington Rhodes. Meanwhile Bill Holmes decided to retaliate by hiring Bunnell and Seol as part of an alternate Strawberry Alarm Clock and sent them on the road. The band sought a court injunction and Holmes was soon ordered to cease using the band’s name in the Los Angeles Superior Court.

Meanwhile, in the actual SAC, Seol was replaced by drummer Marty Katon and lead singer/guitarist Jimmy Pitman came on board with Ed King moving to bass. Not long after, original drummer Gene Gunnels returned to the band, replacing Katon, The fourth album, Good Morning Starshine, came out in ’69 but failed to have an impact, at which point Jimmy Pitman departed. Paul Marshall took his place and remained with the band until they temporarily disbanded in 1971 after UNI had dropped their contract. The only single from the album, the eponymous Good Morning Starshine, reached No.87 on Billboard, but Oliver’s version went on to be a big hit. By the end of the year Mark Weitz quit with the band continuing as a quartet until it’s disbandment. It was this version of the band that had two of their songs included in Russ Meyer’s film, Return to the Valley of the Dolls, both with Paul Marshall on lead vocals. It was during this period as well, that SAC toured the South and a then unknown band, Lynyrd Skynyrd opened for them. Gunnels joined the Everly Brothers back-up band along with Waddy Wachtel and Warren Zevon. Ed King had expressed interest in joining Skynyrd when they toured together and was invited to join the band as the third guitarist in November 1972.

Early on, as the first single and album were flourishing, the band toured nationally in ’67 and ’68 with the likes of The Beach Boys, Buffalo Springfield, and shared bills with Lynyrd Skynyrd (who opened for them), Country Joe & The Fish, Jimi Hendrix, Herman’s Hermits, and The Who.

Three songs from the album ended up in the 1968 film, Psych-Out, which starred Jack Nicholson. The songs were Rainy Day Mushroom Pillow, The World’s on Fire, plus SAC appeared in a scene playing Incense and Peppermints. A fourth song of their’s, The Pretty Song from Psych-Out was heard on the film, although a re-recorded version by the Storybook ended up on the soundtrack album. Two other songs were exclusives of the soundtrack album with Paul Marshall on lead vocals. They also got tapped for some songs in the 1970 Russ Meyer’s campy film, Beyond the Valley of the Dolls, once again appearing in it playing Incense and Peppermints. Two other numbers in the film were I’m Coming Home and Girl From the City. Strawberry Alarm Clock also appeared on television shows such as American Bandstand, Happening ’68, The Steve Martin Show, and were on the first Rowen and Martin Laugh-In episode.

I guess what struck me the first time I heard the single Incense and Peppermints by Strawberry Alarm Clock (SAC) on the radio in 1967, was the catchy intro along with the cool harmony vocals that soon followed. I couldn’t put my finger on what made the song work so well at the time, but now I realize it was a well-crafted work that effectively used major and minor key changes, along with a memorable melody line.

I got to see SAC play live at The Chapel in San Francisco CA on September 17, 2016. As that day approached I was invited, along with my girlfriend and a few other people, to a friend’s house. Our friend had lived in Los Angeles for awhile and gotten to know, and play music with, George Bunnell and others. She had invited George and his wife to stay with she and her husband while they were in San Francisco and we all got to hang out and get to know each other. I neither expected to see SAC play live just as I’d never imagined I would get to know anyone in the band. There we were, on the eve of the band’s show in SF, sitting in the living room listening and singing along with George as he performed an acoustic version of Incense and Peppermints. A short time later his bandmate, drummer Randy Seol arrived and they proceeded to play a few more tunes from their first album. I know one of the songs was Paxton’s Back Street Carnival, and am pretty certain another was Rainy Day Mushroom Pillow. Another fun thing that happened that evening was that six of us posed for a few photos in much the way the band did on the cover of the Incense and Peppermints album. Of course this was the night I updated my album with autographs from George and Randy. The Strawberry Alarm Clock concert was not only wonderful, it far surpassed anything I would have expected it to be. The band showed that they had kept together and played for significant time periods since their original success. Although it was mostly in the wider Southern California area, they proved that they had kept their “sound” intact. The show was nearly, if not, sold out and the audience, many of whom were decked out in groovy psychedelic splendor, really enjoyed what they came for.

The 2016 performance was prior to the band celebrating 50 years of performing as Strawberry Alarm Clock the next year. Four of the five band members that night were in the band in 1967 with another one who had been with them since 1986 (or 1987, depending on the information source). It was unfortunate that I had just heard before meeting George Bunnelll that Mark Weitz, who was also a band member in 1967, had been hit by a car just before he was to head up for the SF show. He was in severe condition but, according to George, it was not life-threatening. Ed King, who lived in Nashville, was no longer involved with the band, but was still very fond of what they had done together. He passed away the next year. While I don’t expect any new music from Strawberry Alarm Clock I hope to get to see them perform again. I may have to make my way to the Southland if it ever happens because I am doubtful they’ll be back in San Francisco. It was great to have had the opportunity though, to “Unwind With the Clock”.

https://strawberryalarmclock.com

https://www.allmusic.com/artist/strawberry-alarm-clock-mn0000633079/biography

https://www.laweekly.com/the-strawberry-alarm-clock-celebrate-50-years-of-incense-and-peppermints/ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strawberry_Alarm_Clock

https://www.classicbands.com/strawberry.html

https://www.imdb.com/name/nm1162990/bio

https://bestclassicbands.com/incense-peppermints-6-6-1777/

https://www.songfacts.com/facts/strawberry-alarm-clock/incense-and-peppermints

https://www.unwindwithsac.com/songs/rainy-day-mushroom-pillow

https://www.unwindwithsac.com/songs/hummin-happy

https://www.discogs.com/artist/58352-Strawberry-Alarm-Clock

full album https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL94gOvpr5yt2Lv3uqSmovxVjdifqhpgG0 cut five is a latent live version of Rainy Day Mushroom Pillow

Album cut Rainy Day Mushroom Pillow https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YerF7oUTyc8

LP26

0 notes

everymonster · 4 years

Text

EMDR Resourcing

Today we were working on EMDR resourcing. This stage of EMDR is about making sure that my psych and I can stay present, even when my Brains want to wander off to parts unknown. Despite my homework last week, I really struggled to find an anchor that I thought would work. Every object I thought about possibly using had an emotional connection to another time or place. Every song I thought about was too close to a memory to suit me, and the same problem occurred with physical objects. However, my psych and I prevailed! As we started talking about my other homework, my AloeBrain, it became clear that my SageBrain and AloeBrain could work very well as anchors. My SageBrain will keep me out of the depths of decline and my newly-sort-of-almost-developed AloeBrain will ease back on the throttle of my orbiting-the-galaxy-crashing-into-asteroids-brain. So, I need to actively encourage my Brains to percolate the AloeBrain concept enough that it’s properly developed and can become a habit.

We also talked about what attributes my brains and I might need to work through EMDR effectively. Turns out that I want focus, acceptance and most surprisingly, dignity. I need to flesh those out a bit more in a minute, but I’m also interested in how we got to dignity. My brain works fast, right? This means I’ve often figured out the answer before my psych has finished explaining the question. I have *always* let other people finish explaining themselves, for two reasons: one, I might be wrong and two, it’s just rude to say “shut up now, I’ve got it” no matter how gently you might try it. Along with this logic, I’ve always picked up a decently-large amount of shame with the idea that doing something quickly means you haven’t done it properly. My SmartBrain knows that I’ve done it, and I can explain how I got there, but because it seems so simple, I feel as though it must be wrong. As we began discussing shame, my psych and I arrived at the idea that the opposite of shame is dignity.

Lii: But dignity requires value. I’d have to value myself enough to give my feelings dignity.

Psych: That has to be our goal, Lii

Lii: But... But..! *stammers* *sighs* I just realised that the whole point of me being here every week isn’t to keep me alive, it’s to get me to value myself enough that I want to *be* alive.

Psych: ...yep. You’re exactly right.

Lii: Sometimes my brain works so fast that I miss the big picture. Then I get a whole heap of shame.

Psych: Lii, you haven’t got all the parts of your Brain present that you need, to be able to see it.

So apparently, I’m going to need dignity and the ability to value myself. I’m still working on this concept, it’s a new one. Valuing my brain means gently and progressively undoing generations of hearing that quick work equals shoddy work. I can’t say I’m doing well with it yet. Shame is a default setting for me in a lot situations. I think I’m going to get value and dignity from acceptance. The last chunk of time with my psych has included a lot of new information for my narrative. It’s been a lot of acceptance on just the facts, let alone their impact on me. I suspect this next little chunk of time with EMDR will be about accepting that the newer bits of my narrative have actually had a much bigger impact on me than I’ve realised. I’m open to the idea of this, but I’m not mad on it. I also know that my psych is pretty keen on the idea (she always is) so I’ll come around to it with some encouragement. The other attribute I’m really going to need for EMDR is focus. Again, my learned definition of focus that society has limped on me is quite different from the way my Brains protect me by splitting my focus. I’m of the opinion that my Brains aren’t any good at focussing, because when they get to something they don’t like, they tend to focus on any other information that’s available. My psych is of the opinion that this protective practice my Brains have developed is actually a good thing, because it’s allowed me to survive. (Have you noticed the pattern here? I’m a pessimist spending an hour a week with a spectacularly optimistic person!) We’ve come around in a circle though: I’m going to need value and dignity to accept method of focussing, but I’m going to need focus to learn how to treat myself with dignity. Which I can’t do unless I accept my Brains and their abilities.

My Brains haven’t had very much rest this week, but I hope that yours have xx

0 notes

dancekickboxcardio · 4 years

Text

I woke up in the right side of the bed 🛏. Well, I turned on my Italian radio 📻 after my Mom woke me up asking me if I am going to the party 🎊 of the month. Well, I have little time ⏱ to prep 👗 💄 and honestly, it’s Saturday. I made no plans 📅. I mean, I want the food 🥘. Partly, I feel what makes me feeling happy 😃 this morning even with little disasters such as 🚧 spilling tons of water 💦 on my protein powder when I still have to put in the espresso ☕️ is grounding. It’s that being here. It’s that knowing what I want in life. It’s acknowledging that I am in it. Honoring where I am, where I want to be and must be. Having feelings ❤️. With all those things said, I ate lunch 🍴 already. It might not be dishes 🥙 from around the world 🌎 had I went to the party 🎈 🎄—lechon, chicken 🐓 satay, and samosa— but it made my body systems going. I’m going to miss meeting sisters of Notre Dame.

Gym 🏃🏼‍♀️ 💪🏾 is on my mind. I feel that I must pull back. I feel that the secret to burn out is boundaries. You have to know where everything is. You must categorize relationships. You have to separate fun 🍾 and business 👩🏼‍💼 although sometimes it’s not really possible. You have to know when to stop 🛑. You must realize that your life is not that one whole thing exactly ⚠️. Realize that living is multi-dimensional. You have to identify the priority like for some earning 💵. Mine is health and wellness and living and studying 👓. Then, you build your time around 🕰 that. I read a great article Thursday. It’s like I knew intuitively what they were saying because I was doing it. Nevertheless, I still highlighted the passages 🖊 via my camera 📸 and explain🗯 my ideas 💡 regarding the statements. Who raised their hands 🤚🏾 first? Imma break it down and put my two cents in. It came to me because I think 🤔 a lot. I am back to having these pop up stuff in my head 🧐and my phone 📱 is there to record exactly what I am thinking 💭. Yes, I am pretty observant, I am a psych graduate 🎓 hello 👋🏾, but I also get bored 😐 and I need to busy myself. I am also a data 📊📈📉 administrative gal 👩🏼 so I have to measure 📏 and account everything. I love 💕 graphs and journal 📓 ✍🏾 and make sense of what’s happening around me so I have a sense of direction ➡️, purpose and a point where I can make actionable solutions to what’s happening. Let me share my penned stuff Thursday.

Apart from silly �� thoughts I have incisive musings. I texted 📱 BFF Friday that if anyone asks me what my religion is of course, I am Roman Catholic, I am going to say yoga 🧘🏼‍♀️ is my religion and I am a reformed mean girl. Let me say firstly that I believe in conservative values but I am not going to impose my sets of world views on you. I am tolerant. I like people for who they are and not because they have to be exactly Stepford wife me. It’s rare for me to dislike others. I am not prejudice and usually it is when you have clearly cross lines that must not be for your advantageous needs. The big mistake is you screwed me over when I was conscientious so why should I give you what you want from me? You reap what you sow. There is no luck in success 🏆. Only day in day out hard work 😓. You don’t believe it because you have strategic techniques well that is on you. Don’t compare yourself when there is not point of reference to be made.

I practice Surrender 🙆🏼‍♀️ by myself. I told my sister it’s kind of weird (because they make you feel so) but really it isn’t because you have a sense of knowing why you do the things you do. Basically, you are not there to be a display. You are actually working on some stuff that matters like loosening your tight muscles or releasing the pain 😖 in your hips, strengthening you back. My Dad thinks that yoga poses are meditation 🙏🏾 . Yes. That’s why I said it is my religion ⛪️. I was in the rower and I had this relaxed 😌 happy 😃 feelings as if endorphins was already release in like 30 minutes of zen. I was peaceful ✌🏾 and calm and cannot be bothered 😕 by anything. I told Jenny that anyone can be argumentative with me and I won’t say a thing or two. My reactions are slowed down. My thoughts 💭 obviously 🙄 isn’t because I am still witty sharp tongued 😛. I am working on some force that weight softly on me. It was very spiritual because you think of only being good. Well, it could be a predisposition. But that feeling of serenity and not being in chaos and inciting it. I feel good in a sense that I want good in others too.

Contrast that on the weightlifting 🏋🏼‍♀️ area. It’s usually aggressive tension filled. I have been working on busy times and it was such a huge difference to be there at downtime. It wasn’t quiet 🤫 maddening. You just don’t feel your nerves. There is no adrenaline rush caused by the threatening drop of a heavy weight. The space is freer. The environment is not difficult to navigate 🧭. I feel that you get use to these level of noise. It’s just that I pay attention a lot even to little things and differences catch my attention. I mean some don’t have to be aware and mindful and they just attack, attack, attack, do. Well, I am very much cognitive 🤓.

I have been feeling more anxious 😟 than usual. It’s not even uncontrolled or too much or unwarranted. It is manageable and on the low side. I welcome this “anxiety in my heart ❤️.” I was telling BFF that my steely defenses are down and I am involved more, I feel more, I care more. It’s not bad. It’s actually cool 😎 and good. It means you are connected to the world 🌍 around you and you are being sensitive to the people around you and it can be too much to some people and generally. Plus, it’s the health club, it’s very fast 💨 paced. You see, I am there a lot and in long hours. It must have some effects on me. I wanted to talk to Mark Consuelo about that. He has been absent the past few days. I wanted to tell him that I am there in a short sustained period and they are there hustle and bustle of drama everyday. I mean of course, I am a patron and I am not in their shoes 👟. But I see it quite tough. I know they are heavy weights. I feel that you have to know your rocks to weather such beatings. Then, again, what kind of work does not involve drama and bullying and power plays and sabotage and competition, etc.

However, my fine point is this. Your mind can be at peace ☮️. There is not a storm ⛈ 🌪 brewing in your mental being but your heart ❤️ knows better. It feels a point of unsureness. I mean how do you remedy that? Perhaps it’s a physiological thing. Supersets bust my heart rate. Mmmmmmhm. I know Lindsey adviced me to sit and slow down between reps. But Imma be not a steady hand. Of course, I am. When I feel too much going on which is weird I haven’t been feeling cooped up since the floor plan has been redesigned, Imma take a walk and expend those extra energy in my bod 💪🏾 🦵🏾.

I talked to much. I enjoyed yesterday because it was quiet 🤫 and laidback. Most, it was my active recovery and I don’t have to focus more outside on my surroundings and know what’s going on but listen 👂🏾 to my music 🎶 and have my own inner talk. This was perfect.

I say that, yes, this is my fave cardio 💕 equipment but that the song. It glorifies and make the practice of yoga 🧘‍♂️ malicious. Of course, people who choose to not block their impure thoughts are going to have them and sometimes if not extreme and uncontrollable your brain just has it’s way of making perception put in your subconscious conscious. The trick 🤡 is in how you deal with it. I like holding poses because it makes me a better athlete 🎽. Recovery ⛑ and injury. As in all things small minded people have constant base inner workings. I like putting bad on the forefront of my mind not because I want to do them. It’s a defense. You cannot trick me when that’s exactly what you have been planning all along. Preemptive. Sometimes your brain develops and it shall come naturally. Processing. I already assumed what bad you want to do. There is no second guessing. There is not unsureness. There is recognition.

0 notes

lati-will · 7 years

Text

The Ancient Power Of Chanting (Mantra) Validated By Modern Science

Chanting (mantra) is an ancient technology that, as modern science reveals, connects us in a very real way to the farthest reaches of the universe.

I love chanting mantras, and I do so daily as an integral part of my kundalini yoga practice. I don’t need to know the specifics of how it produces a calming and sometimes even transcendent effect on my consciousness, but I’ve always been deeply curious about the mechanisms that may be at play beneath the surface of my awareness.

This is why I am both deeply grateful and amazed by the work of John Reid, the UK inventor of the cymascope — a technology that renders sound visible. In an article published on his website titled, “Cymatics — A Bridge To the Unseen World,” John and his wife Annaleise reveal facts about sound that are simply mind-blowing and worthy of far greater dissemination.

First, did you know that sound is actually not a wave but spheroidal phenomenon? In their words: “Before looking at cymatics more closely let us dispel the popularly held misconception that “sound is a wave”: It isn’t. All audible sounds are, in fact, spherical in form or spheroidal, that is to say audible sounds are sphere-like but not necessarily perfectly spherical. For the sake of simplicity we’ll call these spheroidal sound spheres “Sound bubbles.”

Take a look at the ultrasound beam produced by dolphins:

As you can see above, the sound is not produced in wave form but as a spheroidal beam. If you were to slice horizontally into the beam and look at the cross section it would appear to contain geometric patterns that contain a type of cymaglyphic information analogous to hieroglyphs. In other words, these sound structures carry information as real and meaningful as words do in human language.

John’s dolphin research using cymatoscope has revealed groundbreaking information about how dolphins communicate and “see” with sound. If you are interested, you can drill deeper into this discovery by reading his landmark paper published in the Journal of Marine Sciences: Research and Development, titled “A Phenomenon Discovered While Imaging Dolphin Echolocation Sounds.”

John and Annaleise go on to explain one of the most amazing facts about the ‘sound bubbles’ that we produce, which I find most compelling in connection to many powerful experiences I have had with mantras, both listening and reciting them, in the yoga tradition:

“Our world is teeming with beautiful holographic sound bubbles that envelop us in shimmering patterns of acoustic energy, each bubble rushing away at around 700 miles an hour as new bubbles form from the source of the sound. Whether the sound is emitted from your voice or from some other source, such as a musical instrument, this ‘bubble-in-a-hurry’ leaves a fleeting vibrational imprint on the surface of your body: every cell in the surface tissues of your body actually receives sound patterns from the bubbles that surround you.”

Did you get that? When we speak or chant, we are producing sound bubbles that attain speeds of 700 miles per hour. But it gets better. Check this out:

“You create infrared light even when you speak… The atoms and molecules of air within this expanding bubble are bumping into each other, each collision transferring your voice vibrations to the nearest atom or molecule. As these ‘bumps’ occur they cause infrared light to be created due to the friction between the magnetic shells of the air particles. The infrared light carries with it the modulations of your voice that rush away at the incredible speed of 186,000 miles per second. Unlike the sound of a voice, which becomes inaudible after about one mile, the infrared light created by your voice rushes out into space where it travels for eternity, carrying your words or songs to the stars.

Thus, there is a direct relationship between sound and light and in fact there can be no light in the Universe without sound because light is only created when atoms collide with each other, and such collisions are sound. So light and life owe their existence to sound.”

What I find so amazing about this is that kundalini practitioners have long made claims about the power of mantra to connect us to the universe that on the surface may appear like pseudo-science. But the science that John Reid is speaking to — the actual empirical phenomena — now lends scientific support to at least some of these claims.

Here is Yogi Bhajan, founder of the American tradition of kundalini yoga, making statements that make more sense in light of the mechanisms discussed by John Reid:

“Every element of the Universe is in a constant state of vibration manifested to us as light, sound, and energy. The human senses perceive only a fraction of the infinite range of vibration, so it is difficult to comprehend that the Word mentioned in the Bible is actually the totality of vibration which underlies and sustains all creation. A person can tune his or her own consciousness into the awareness of that totality with the use of a mantra. By vibrating in rhythm with the breath to a particular sound that is proportional to the creative sound, or sound current, one can expand one’s sensitivity to the entire spectrum of vibration. It is similar to striking a note on a stringed instrument. In other words, as you vibrate, the Universe vibrates with you.”

“What is a mantra? Mantra is two words: Man and tra. Man means mind. Tra means the heat of life. Ra means sun. So, mantra is a powerful combination of words which, if recited, takes the vibratory effect of each of your molecules into the Infinity of the Cosmos. That is called ‘Mantra.’”

“By vibrating in rhythm with the breath to a particular sound that is proportional to the creative sound, or sound current, one can expand one’s sensitivity to the entire spectrum of vibration. It is similar to striking a note on a stringed instrument. In other words, as you vibrate, the Universe vibrates with you.”

“Mantras are not small things, mantras have power. They are the mind vibration in relationship to the Cosmos. The science of mantra is based on the knowledge that sound is a form of energy having structure, power, and a definite predictable effect on the chakras and the human psyche.”

We live in a remarkable time where what was once purely the stuff of myth, and considered magical thinking and “woo” by skeptics the world over, is starting to receive validation through the ‘hardest of sciences.’ For instance, the concept of the body radiating light is now also accepted through the discovery of biophotons which we reported on in a previous article, and even the ritual of burning medicinal herbs sage to ‘ward off evil spirits’ like has been found to have powerful cleansing properties.

That said, the most powerful way to understand information like this is to experience it directly. I encourage readers to experience the tradition of mantra directly. Listen or recite them, and visualize the sound actually moving at tremendous speed, and producing light that is extending out into the farthest reaches of the universe. Perhaps then the aphorisms of spiritual masters like Yogi Bhajan will no longer seem strange and unattainable.

For more evidence-based research on the therapeutic value of chanting, please visit GreenMedInfo’s database on Chanting.

To directly experience the power of mantra, try this kundalini mantra lesson and listen to one of my favorite mantras — the Gayatri Mantra — below:

youtube

To learn more about the CymaScope and a related project Sayer Ji and John Reid are partnering on, take a look at SystomeBiomed.

By: Sayer Ji

#chanting #science #spiritual #consciousness #life #science articles #articles

110 notes · View notes

garp19-tommontrose-blog · 5 years

Text

Proposal

Ideation

One of the main reasons for choosing this topic is because of my love for music and my love for art in general, so I decided to marry those two things and concentrate on the art on album covers. I also find it interesting how the album art is the first thing people see and judge, even though an album is mainly all about the music. I also find interesting how the more iconic album covers over the years came to be so iconic, for example the cover for The Velvet Underground & Nico. Or the iconic yellow banana painted by Andy Warhol, Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band by The Beatles, Nevermind by Nirvana, or the many iconic album covers by Pink Floyd such as The Dark Side of the Moon, The Wall, Wish You Were Here and many more. The reason why I find this so important is that the album art is the first thing you see when you buy an album - and although we do not like to admit it, most of us do in fact judge books by their covers. A possible focus for this field could be ‘the importance of album covers’ or similarly, ‘what makes a good album cover?’. One of these topics or something similar I think would be quite interesting and significant to research further, because most people love music, and album covers are the first thing people see and concentrate on before they listen to the actual music in the album. The kinds of things I think I will go into are: the importance of having a clear marriage of themes between the album art and the music, the significance of any typography on the cover, the significance of colour, and especially how that colour relates to the themes of the album, and many more. I think this subject will be of significance to others because even though most music is accessed through digital means nowadays, I think album art is still as important as it was 50 years ago. ‘The artwork is a way of representing an album in short form; it is like a shorthand vocabulary for musical history. When others see the artwork, they are more likely to recognise it, talk about it, interact more’ (Gravell 2014). This quote sums up why I think it is imperative for everyone that album cover design stays important, and a significant part of creating an album.

Research and development

The main subject for my research is ‘what makes a good/effective album cover?’ and will be concentrating on what elements make an album cover an effective way of conveying the albums themes and overall feel, for example, a black metal album cover would have to be effective at portraying the themes of black metal. For example if there was a picture of a light-hearted little rabbit in a field of flowers, it would not be effectively conveying the themes of the album. A more effective cover would be something like a person in a frightening mask at night time, because the best album covers you could recognise what kind of music they were without even reading anything on them - they carry the themes of the album through the cover, which is the first thing the listener sees.

One of the first articles I stumbled across I thought was quite effective at trying to describe the importance of album artwork, the article was titled. “It’s what’s on the outside that counts: the importance of album artwork”(Dotiyal 2017). Straight away, I thought the title alone was exactly the kind of thing I was thinking, that it is what’s on the outside that counts (certainly to an extent). Dotiyal goes into what things make album art good in portraying its theme, he even interviews someone from the band Radar who said a very interesting point, “Unless an album has a really strong theme or concept, I don’t think cover art needs to be related to the music whatsoever.” I thought this point was very interesting because previously I thought album art had to have a clear correlation to the themes of the music, but if no clear themes are present, the cover does not need to relate to anything. This could be true for more avant garde music where a clear theme is not present.

‘Does cover art matter in the digital age?’ (Fernandes 2017) is a good take on the importance of album cover design, as she goes into a lot of detail into the importance of album cover design throughout history, which I think, is a very interesting and relevant topic. Especially today, when the digitalisation of music has potentially reduced the importance of album cover design.

Another good article I found on the internet titled ‘How to make an impact with your album artwork’ (Jackson 2014). The reason I liked this article is that it lists specific examples of album art, and firstly explains ‘why it works’ which goes into the elements that make it an effective album cover, and ‘how to make it your own’. Which goes into what kind of elements to choose if you were to make a similar looking album cover which I think is a great idea. For example, one of the albums she lists is ‘Are We There’ by Sharon Van Etten and she explains - “Heart-wrenching wistfulness is a much-used motif in Sharon Van Etten’s material, and the artwork for her latest LP channels that. Who hasn’t bent their head out of a car window hoping the fresh air will relieve you, at least briefly, of emotional hopelessness?” Jackson also does another interesting analysis that I like of another album cover, “This trippy artwork is mystical, wondrously pretty, and incredibly detailed. Plus, it’s a spot-on reflection of the bands chaotic-yet-melodic brand of garage-psych. Both are instantly mesmerizing.”(Jackson 2014)

‘The importance of having good album artwork’ (Melina 2015) is also a very good example of explaining the importance of having good album artwork, although it doesn’t go into as much detail into specific album covers and what makes them effective like Jackson, however it does explain what makes a good cover generally. She does this by first explaining ‘The purpose’ for album artwork, which according to Melina is ‘to attract listeners to your music’, which I do fully agree with, however I do think there is more to it than that. Melina does go into more depth, and explains the ‘two secondary purposes for having good album artwork’ which are first to ‘exemplify your songs on the album’ and secondly ‘to express yourself as an artist’. I like these ‘secondary’ purposes too because like any kind of art, I think it does need to express yourself as an artist, and of course the importance of exemplifying your songs through the album art.

The next article I found is probably my favourite so far, as it goes into a lot of detail into what makes a good album cover, and lists specific examples. It is titled, ‘The importance of album artwork’ (Shah 2016). As Shah states, “The artwork serves as a portal into what the listener can expect from an album, and even what kind of musician lies behind the creativity. Strong album covers make a statement, because after all, this imagery is an opportunity to make the right first impression.” I think this is a perfect description of why album covers are important and is described in a succinct, descriptive and informative way. Shah also goes into the specifics of what makes a good album cover, like the colours, compositions, themes, and explains how one specific example is effective.

“The shift from the vibrant illustrations and shapes found in Steinweiss’ and Flora’s covers to the high-contrast photographs on these albums hints at a possible cultural shift starting to focus more on personal image.” (Maria 2018) in this article, Maria explains the different cultural factors that went into the design of album art in the 20th century, like the rise of psychedelia in the 1960s for example - and how that changed artwork on album covers. I think this is an interesting concept and Maria goes into a lot of detail when explaining the different cultural changes in each decade since album covers were first invented in 1938 to the present day.

Critique & explanation

A lot of interesting concepts and theories have come up since I started research on this broad topic, I could go many different ways from here. I think a good concept to start with is also a very relevant concept today, and is the digitalisation of the music industry, and how album art still plays an important role in the albums overall themes and subjects, ‘fast forward to now, when everything is streamed online, and album art is often reduced to a small digital square. However, that does not mean that album art is any less important. In fact, it is more important than ever when it comes to music promotion and music distribution.’ (Seydel 2016) Seydel makes a good point here, that even though the actual size of the way people view album art, from a 12 x 12 inch physical thing - to a very small space on an already small screen, albums are still fundamentally reliant on their art to actually advertise and distribute the album. Another concept I think would be interesting to look into further is the differences in album artwork between the many genres of music, and what kind of album cover you would expect from a specific genre like punk, rap, or metal. As well as this, the reasons/stories/motifs behind the album artwork of some specific examples. Barker does this to a few specific artists in his article on the importance of album artwork – for example, ‘Rage Against The Machine's seminal self-titled record features a Buddhist monk undergoing self-immolation in religious protest. It's a harrowing image made iconic, and it ties in with the politically motivated content of the album.’ (Barker 2017). There are definitely many questions emerging from my research, some more specific and unambiguous than others, but I think all have interesting concepts and ideas. I think it will be hard to narrow in on one specific question, but on the plus side, I have lots to choose from.

Action plan

Firstly and most importantly, I still need to hone in on what my specific question is for the essay because I have been researching a rather broad topic and have lots of potential contenders. I also still need to find out how I am going to structure the essay, but that would first depend on the question/topic I choose of course. Some particular methods of research will include what I’ve been doing so far mostly, which is using google and google scholar searching for blogs and websites that have some varying and interesting points about album cover art. Whether it be why they are important, their history, what makes an effective album cover design, or what types of designs would be on specific genres of music – as long as it fits under my overall theme of album cover design. The relevant ones I have saved in my Tumblr blog, along with some interesting images of album designs I found for visual aid. As for any ethical issues I may need to consider, I don’t think there will be any with this subject, so I don’t feel it’s necessary to complete an ethics form. Over the summer, I will need to generally read more and do more research on this broad topic to try to hone in on a specific question for my essay. While doing this I will also update and edit my Tumblr blog with new content and even more images to go along with it.

Bibliography

Barker, C. (2017). "On The Importance Of Album Artwork: Visual Hooks In An Auditory Medium." Retrieved 14/04/2019, 2019, from http://www.bulletmusic.net/features-1/album-artwork-in-the-digital-age.

Dotiyal, M. (2017). "It’s What’s On the Outside That Counts: The Importance of Album Artwork." Retrieved 10/04/2019, 2019, from https://acrn.com/2017/08/31/its-whats-on-the-outside-that-counts-the-importance-of-album-artwork/.

Fernandes, V. (2017). "Does Cover Art Matter in the Digital Age?". Retrieved 20/04/2019, 2019, from https://www.baeblemusic.com/musicblog/8-16-2017/does-cover-art-matter-in-the-digital-age.html.

Gravell, D. (2014). "Three reasons album artwork remains important." Retrieved 12/04/2019, 2019, from https://www.blisshq.com/music-library-management-blog/2014/12/02/three-reasons-album-artwork-remains-important/.

Jackson, J. (2014). "How to Make an Impact With Your Album Artwork." Retrieved 16/04/2019, 2019, from http://blog.sonicbids.com/how-to-make-an-impact-with-your-album-artwork.

Maria (2018). "The Evolution of Album Covers." Retrieved 14/04/2019, 2019, from https://wp.nyu.edu/fogdv2/2018/09/18/the-evolution-of-album-covers/.

Melina, V. (2015). "The Importance of Having Good Album Artwork." Retrieved 11/04/2019, 2019, from http://blog.symphonicdistribution.com/2015/08/the-importance-of-having-good-album-artwork/.

Seydel, R. (2016). "Why Album Cover Art Will Always Be Crucial For Success." Retrieved 25/04/2019, 2019, from https://blog.landr.com/album-art-absolutely-crucial-success-2016/.

Shah, D. (2016). "The Importance of Album Artwork." Retrieved 12/04/2019, 2019, from https://humanhuman.com/articles/the-importance-of-album-artwork.

0 notes

erraticfairy · 5 years

Text

Podcast: Growing Up With a Mentally Ill Parent

Growing up with a mentally ill parent can be a traumatic experience for any child. For Ally Golden, her mother’s mental illness was major depression, later diagnosed as borderline personality disorder. Ally’s book, A Good Soldier, chronicles her life growing up in this environment, with a mentally ill mother who frequently threatened suicide, and the psychological trauma that resulted for her. Decades later, her mother carried out her threat. Listen to hear Ally’s fascinating story.

Subscribe to Our Show! And Remember to Review Us!

About Our Guest

Ally Golden is the author of A Good Soldier, a memoir on the emotional toll of growing up with a mentally ill parent. It is available on Amazon and other online bookstores. Ally frequently writes and speaks on the impacts of mental illness on family life. Her writing has appeared in the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, and the Atlantic. Ally is also an active volunteer with the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, where she witnesses firsthand the devastating influence mental illnesses can have on the loved ones of the afflicted. To learn more about Ally, visit her website.

DEFYING BIPOLAR SHOW TRANSCRIPT (Computer-Generated)

Narrator 1: Welcome to the Psych Central show, where each episode presents an in-depth look at issues from the field of psychology and mental health – with host Gabe Howard and co-host Vincent M. Wales.

Gabe Howard: Hello everyone and welcome to this week’s episode of the Psych Central Show podcast. My name is Gabe Howard and with me as always is Vincent M. Wales. Today, Vince and I will be speaking with Ally Golden, author of A Good Soldier, a memoir on the emotional toll of growing up with a mentally ill parent. Ali, welcome to the show.

Ally Golden: Thank you so much for having me. I’m so excited to be here.

Vincent M. Wales: We’re glad you are here. So, right off the bat, I want to ask you – as Gabe just read – it was a memoir on the emotional toll of growing up with a mentally ill parent. What’s the story there? Give us a little background.

Ally Golden: While the story is I grew up in a relatively privileged environment. My family was upper middle class and I was living in the suburbs of Washington D.C. and on paper everything looked pretty good. When I was very young, my parents were still married, but my mother had always suffered from mental illness from the time that she was in her early 20s and by the time my brother was born – he was just a couple of years younger – my mother had really started to deteriorate. She at first had major depressive disorder, but then gradually began to develop what is known as borderline personality disorder, which is a personality disorder that’s characterized by shifts in how you view people, how you see yourself and your relationships. And unfortunately I was shaped by my mother’s constant volatility in terms of how she interacted with, me how she interacted with the rest of our immediate family, and how she interacted with our friends and extended family. And when I was eight years old, my mother began to share with me that she planned to end her life, and the next about 20 years were characterized by a lot of manipulation on her part to try and get me to do and say different things so that I could keep her alive and my own life was a game of control. And as long as my mother had survived, I had won that game. And so, my existence and my childhood were really formed on the basis of feeling like I could control another person and that of course, as you guys can imagine, led to some problems later on down the road. So the book talks about childhood but it also talks about what happens when you grow up in that kind of environment and how do you form your own relationships and how sometimes they fail because that’s not the most productive mentally efficacious way to go about life. And then how I go about starting my own family and the types of challenges that I face there.

Gabe Howard: Just to clarify: when you say your childhood, when did this start having an impact on you. I mean when did you become aware of your mother’s illness and when did it really start ramping up for you like to affect you personally.

Ally Golden: I was always aware of my mother’s illness. There’s a scene in the book where I talk about being like 3 or 4 years old and witnessing my mother crying in our living room. So I always knew something a little bit different about her. But when it really started impacting me was when she started threatening suicide. Because at that point I just became very scared and I would say or do anything to keep her safe. And being so young and feeling like you had to be the parent when you were a pretty young child definitely had some damaging effects and just led me to never know what one day or another was going to bring. In addition to being suicidal much of the time, my mother was also very volatile in terms of interactions with people. So I just never knew what was going to happen at the grocery store, what was going to happen at school, like who was my mother going to have a conflict with? And where was there going to be a scene? So, I would say almost as long as I can remember, my mother’s illness was a very salient part of my existence.

Gabe Howard: The title of the book, it’s… can you explain the title?

Ally Golden: I would love to explain the title for the title officially comes from some Tori Amos lyrics. Tori Amos is a musician, a songwriter who is very popular in the early to mid 90s, which is when I was coming of age and her song “Mother” talks about being a good soldier by raising your hand and always doing the right thing. And those lyrics really spoke to me because that was how I’ve gone about life. I’ve tried to do the right thing by my mother, by society, what’s expected and how can I not only meet those expectations, but exceed them? Despite the fact that things might not always make sense, I want to do the right thing, and so that’s where that title – A Good Soldier – I’m going to go through what’s essentially a war in my childhood. But I’m going to do what I feel is right and what is the best thing. That’s where that comes from.

Vincent M. Wales: Well, at first, I was going to remark, you mean there are listeners who don’t know who Tori is? Really?

Ally Golden: Younger people don’t.

Vincent M. Wales: Then I stopped for a minute and though, yeah, of course there are.

Ally Golden: Younger people don’t.

Gabe Howard: Tori is fantastic.

Vincent M. Wales: I know, I’m gonna bust out my Little Earthquakes CD after we get off the show.

Ally Golden: Oh, that’s my favorite one and the song “Mother” is on the Little Earthquakes CD, and you know what, I’ve got a huge audience of college students that are really into the book. Because the book mostly takes place while I’m at college and they don’t… most of them do not know who Tori Amos is. I would say 80 percent do not have never heard her. So yeah it’s sad. I know it’s terrible.

Vincent M. Wales: It’s unfortunate.

Gabe Howard: That is sad. So Sad.

Vincent M. Wales: So yeah. OK so it takes place mostly in your college years. I think that’s pretty interesting, myself. What are some of the things you know during the process of writing this book, what have you personally gotten out of it?

Ally Golden: So originally I wrote it and I hoped there would be some sort of catharsis. Whenever you write a memoir, you’re like, well, I hope this is going to fill me with peace. And it really didn’t. I would say that the reason that I ended up finishing it at the end of the day was to help other people. And that may sound really earnest and a little bit cheesy, but I really wanted to… I’m a writer in my professional life as well. And I felt like if it was anybody’s place to be able to talk about this in a relatively coherent way, it was my place. And I… The one thing that I had wished when I was going through my childhood, my adolescence, and then later, after my mother (and this is a spoiler alert) after my mother did end her life, I felt very alienated and alone that nobody really understood what I was going through. And I wished I had a book like A Good Soldier. And I wish I could have talked with the author and felt like someone else had experienced the type of childhood and the type of trauma that I had. And so that really was the primary motivator for finishing it, editing it, and then publishing it. Because I had the typical concerns I think people have when writing a memoir. First of all, I wasn’t sure it was any good. That was a big hurdle that I had to get over. Like, I didn’t want to put out a piece of crap. And then, of course, you worry about stigma. Of course, you guys talk about that and we’ve all talked about that a lot in the mental health community. Putting this information publicly out there about my family, whereas even when my mother died, very few people knew about my situation. Even people who I could consider relatively close friends. And so, putting it out there publicly was kind of a big deal for me. And so, these were things that I had to deal with, but I just kept reminding myself, look if I can help even one person who has a mother like this feel a little bit better about their situation, then it’s worth it. And I’ve actually gotten probably a hundred emails from people over the last year, it’s been published about a year. And those e-mails just… They touch me, I correspond with people back and forth. I try to help them as best I can. And even though there is no real hope unfortunately for many of these situations, but at least I can make them feel like they’re not alone. And that’s what that was really the goal.

Vincent M. Wales: All right, well now that you gave us the spoiler…

Ally Golden: Sorry.

Vincent M. Wales: It’s okay. Tell us tell us about what happened there and at what point did your mom finally take her life?

Ally Golden: Well, it’s a little bit of an interesting story in the sense that people always ask the question, well do you feel guilty? Because, sad as it is to say, there was a direct relationship between my behavior and my mother finally doing it. As I mentioned, she started threatening when I was around 8. And threatened it pretty often. Up until she actually did end her life when I was 30 years old. And, the way that it happened in the end was that I had said to my mom when I got pregnant, Mom, you know, I’ve been putting your emotional well-being ahead of that of myself for years. But now I have someone else that I need to think about. I’m going to have a baby and that baby is going to have to come first. And it was the first time in my life I’d ever set a boundary for my mother. Previously, I just let her kind of say and do whatever she wanted. And I put up with it. I let myself be emotionally driven by whatever my mother’s needs happened to be at the time because I was still… I still had it ingrained in me that I needed to save her at all costs. And so what I had done was I had driven her up to Providence, Rhode Island, where there was a treatment program – a world class treatment program – for borderline personality disorder. And they had said to her, you’ve got a detox off these prescription drugs before we can help you, because right now we don’t even know who the real Susan Golden is, because she’s so hyped on all of these prescription drugs. And my mother said no. My mother said, you know that is not going to happen. I need these drugs for various reasons. And that was when I had said to her, Mom, until I can talk to a therapist that tells me that you were making progress then that will.. you know… I’m not going to talk to you until we can do that. And that was when she ended her life. So, unfortunately it had a direct relationship to my actions, which was finally setting a boundary. And people say to me all the time, well do you feel guilty? And I’m like, look, I did what I needed to do. And it was 20 years later. I can’t put up with this stuff for 20 years. And I had to put my child first. Like that was the right thing to do, but it was of course very traumatic, as you both can imagine. And my mother also… the way she executed it was different. I mean, forgive the pun there. That’s pretty macabre. But it was different than we had always thought, like she’d always talked about pills and she didn’t use pills; she had a gun, which was very very surprising to me and very traumatic. It’s just not how I had imagined it. And it was very hard to hear from the police that it had happened that way. It was very hard to imagine when I would keep replaying the scene over and over again in my mind.

Gabe Howard: Of course I’m very sorry to hear about your mother and I’m so glad that you’re able to talk about it because, unfortunately, a lot of times when when things like this happen in our society, we tend to sweep them under the rug and we don’t talk about them and, to your point, many people have gone through what you went through and you are creating community for them. How does that feel? I mean, you’re a member of this community because you were traumatized by something that happens but that also was the inspiration to do it. So it’s, it’s sort of a double edged sword here.

Ally Golden: Yeah.

Gabe Howard: How does all of this come together for you?

Ally Golden: It comes together for me in a complicated way. I mean, just this weekend, I had something happen where… So I served as a volunteer survivor support person for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention for the last nine years. If you are a suicide survivor, meaning you have someone that you’d lost to suicide, you are able to volunteer to go and help other people cope with recent suicide loss, but you have to wait a year after your own loss so that you’re not interfering too much with… your own feelings aren’t interfering too much with what that person is going through. But I’ve done this for for nine years and, this past weekend, I had to turn down a visit because I just didn’t feel like I could handle it, personally. So, you know, sometimes my own needs still need to come first. But overall, I would say it’s been an amazing experience creating this community and helping people who are in a very similar specific situation. It’s been kind of eye opening to me to hear from people via e mail who have parents that are exactly like this. And sadly, many of them are my age now, like in their early 40s, and their parents are in their 70s and 80s is this is still going on. I can’t even imagine. It sounds terrible to say, but I think it’s important to recognize that sometimes your life gets better when something like this happens, because you just have less of the ongoing trauma. And I can say that I’ve just been much more effective as a person and as a parent not having my mother kind of holding this over my head all the time. I can’t imagine having like 30 or 40 more years of this to deal with and that’s what a lot of these people are going through and just to even be able to offer them the smallest modicum of support has really been helpful to me personally.

Gabe Howard: Thank you, Ally. We’re going to step away and hear from our sponsor. We’ll be right back.

Narrator 2: This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.com, secure, convenient and affordable online counselling. All counselors are licensed, accredited professionals. Anything you share is confidential. Schedule secure video or phone sessions, plus chat and text with your therapist whenever you feel it’s needed. A month of online therapy often costs less than a single traditional face-to-face session. Go to BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral and experience seven days of free therapy to see if online counselling is right for you. BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral.

Vincent M. Wales: Welcome back, everyone. We’re here with Ally Golden, author of A Good Soldier.

Gabe Howard: When you realize that your life improved after your mother’s death, did you feel bad about that? I think that many listeners would immediately feel like, oh wait, you were happy about it, you were glad? And I don’t think that you’re saying that you were happy about it. You’re just saying that, unfortunately, there was this – to use your word – this kind of macabre silver lining. That must be difficult to wrap your mind around.

Ally Golden: That is. And I definitely was not happy. In fact I had PTSD for a year. I also ended up giving birth to my child prematurely because of this – or not necessarily because of it, but let’s just say that there likely was some relationship because I was pregnant, remember. So my mother knew that I was pregnant and then did it anyway. So you know I had to to deal with a premature baby and had a lot of stress associated with that. So I was definitely not happy. I was miserable and the only reason that it ended up having a silver lining at all is that I was released from the constant stress of the uncertainty of not knowing if my mother was going to live to the next day. It’s kind of like – I like to compare it to having a terminal illness. You don’t want… no one wants to see someone that they they love suffer so much. And at a certain point for my mother, it kind of became like a terminal illness. But she just wasn’t able to get better. And you can, we could argue, we could spend a whole other podcast talking about, did she do everything she could? Was.. you know… Was it enough? Like, was there something else that was possible to happen besides this outcome? And that’s a whole existential psychological discussion. And I talked about it with people. But I think having empathy for her and I was able to come to the decision at the end that, you know, this had to happen for my mother in particular and definitely not for everyone. I’m not advocating suicide as a solution, but my mother was very, very ill and she stopped suffering. So there definitely was a positive thing in that that I try to look back on it and say well, she didn’t get to the age of 80 being completely miserable every single day. And, hopefully wherever she is now, it’s in a better place of learning, of peace. We don’t know what happens. There’s no way for us to know, but I like to think that her suffering at least is over.

Vincent M. Wales: So what advice at this point would you have for other children of mentally ill parents that might help them a little bit?

Ally Golden: So there’s a couple forms that advice would take for other children of mentally ill parents. When you’re a child, just look for other sources of support where you can. Sometimes that can be problematic because a lot of times the mentally ill person will distance or isolate themselves. Not always by choice. Sometimes because their illness isolates other people and that makes it difficult. But try to find other sources of support, other family members, other parents, mentors teachers, somebody else who can show you what it means to be a normal stable human adult and somebody who can love you unconditionally. I think that that’s really important. And in terms of people who are adult children of mentally ill parents, I think it’s important to set boundaries. And I never did this. But being able to say, look, I’ve got to put myself first. If I’m not mentally healthy, I can’t help anybody else. And to be able to say, look, I’m willing to support you, but I’m not going to give myself over to you. And my own emotional well-being was never a priority until I became pregnant. And if you think about it, it wasn’t a priority then, either. That was talking about the baby; it wasn’t talking about myself. So that can be very difficult. It can be essentially like leading a horse to water but you can’t make them drink and you can make yourself aware of all of the treatment options and try to get that person engaged in them and then support them while they’re going through it. But you can’t live somebody else’s life for them. And I think this was a big learning that I had. That was my mother had to do what she had to do. And I had to do what I had to do and I couldn’t force her into any particular situation. And so I think that that’s something that I wish I had known earlier, but I think that in my particular situation, I just needed to go through that for many years of just trying to fix it before I realized I can’t really fix it. If anyone’s going to fix it, she’s going to fix it, with access to the right treatment, which she absolutely had. It just wasn’t enough in her case, which was a sad situation. And I hope people also realize that there are a lot of options out there. If you have a mentally ill parent or someone you love,there are so many great resources. It’s not perfect. Medication’s not perfect. Therapy’s not perfect. Support groups aren’t perfect. But we are in so much of a better situation now than we were, let’s say, 20 years ago, where we are talking about these issues thanks to podcasts like this. It’s becoming out in the open. I wouldn’t have been able to have a frank podcast interview when my mother first died about this, but now I feel like the floodgates are being open, partially due to the celebrity causes. Unfortunately, we’ve had a lot of celebrities that have ended their lives in recent years. And that has helped us become more transparent. And then just seek out other support for yourself. I think the final piece of advice especially someone who knows what you’re going through if you can find resources like that where you can really talk frankly with someone who has been there. I think it’s really helpful to not feel so alienated and isolated.

Gabe Howard: Thank you so much. We can’t agree more. We’re really big fans of saying that we need to discuss mental illness, mental health, and psychology just much more open. I believe the word that you used was be more transparent about it. Because this is actually very common in our society. And I don’t mean suicide; I just mean mental illness or a mental health crisis or even just things like grief and stress or being overwhelmed. But, for whatever reason, you know, many of these things we kind of keep to ourselves until they reach a boiling point. So we really appreciate you being so open with, you know, something as personal as the relationship with your mother and how it impacted you and has affected your life. And to that point, my next question is, how has that relationship affected other relationships? Because you talk a lot about the relationship that you had with your mother, but you have relationships with other people. How is that going?

Ally Golden: That’s a great question, actually, that there’s two thirds of the book that are devoted to that, that are part two and part three, and it’s been a really troublesome journey for me and, I’ll be honest with you, I think that the biggest impact that my mother’s illness had on me was on my interpersonal skills, because I just… I didn’t know how to relate to people in a way that didn’t involve kind of neediness and manipulation and, I wasn’t borderline myself, fortunately, but I did pick up some of those traits, because that’s what was modeled for you. And so, I didn’t know how to have a separate existence that didn’t involve me glomming onto someone and making my needs their needs and vice versa. So I tended to, early on in my – especially in my romantic life, when I was very young or teenager – I tended to develop codependent relationships that weren’t necessarily healthy and what I ended up doing was I met somebody who was very stable and very reliable and when I was 20 years old and I made a life partner decision based on the fact that it was stable and normal and, you know, he wasn’t going to leave me and it wasn’t going to be turbulent and I was able to avoid ,I think for for many of the next several years, any kind of relationship turmoil that my mother had gone through. But, you know, I mean as you get older you recognize that you need to learn certain things about yourself and so… I’m still married and my husband and I have been together for almost twenty two years, but in some of my other relationships with family members, I’m learning how to how to be vulnerable and how to express need without it being this all-consuming thing. But I would definitely say that this has been my greatest life challenge… has been turning it around from being someone who learned really unhealthy, not productive behaviors and becoming a fully functioning adult when it comes to relationships. So that’s been tough. And with my own children, you know, I mean I think I’ve been very very careful to not show too much in front of them. And I think I would, if I’m being very honest, I’ve probably gone too far in the other direction. My children need to see that I’m a human being, but I have a lot of trouble showing emotion in front of them, showing need in front of them, because I’m just so viscerally disturbed by the idea of putting on my kids anything like what my mother put on me. So, you know, I mean it’s not going to be perfect for sure. And you know, I guess based on the way that I was raised, I’m not going to be a perfect parent. I’m not going be a perfect human. But I’m doing the best I can and that’s I guess my message for other people is just, all you can do is the best that you can, learn from your experiences, try to get support, and take one day at a time.

Vincent M. Wales: Now, I think my last question for you has to do, again, with your mother. I myself had a… well let’s call it an unusual relationship with with my late mother. Were there good times that you had? I’m sure there must have been at some point. Could you talk on that a little bit?

Ally Golden: So I think one of the reasons that my relationship with my mother was so problematic is because it was inconsistent and, I don’t know what yours was like, but with my mom…if she had been universally horrible and, you know, like the evil stepmother that you hear about in Cinderella, then it would be much easier for me to just walk away or say, this woman is crazy; I don’t have anything to do with her. But that’s not what my situation was. My mother – in particular, when I was very, very young, when I was an infant, when I was a young toddler – my mother was an excellent mother. I talk about in the book, she was always the one who was in my corner. She was the one who encouraged me to be a writer. She always stood up for me when I had problems with other people. She was the person who wanted to go to bat for me at school. She was always the person I wanted to talk to when I had a problem and she was a great source of support in many ways. And she did love me. I really do feel that my mother loved me to the best of her ability. And, if she could have been a better parent, she would have. She wanted to have a child and in particular she wanted to have a daughter. So when she got that, I really do think that, if it wasn’t for the illness, we would have had a wonderful relationship throughout my life. And it’s just the illness stole that from her. But I don’t say that you know there weren’t good times. There certainly were. And like I said, if it had been more all or nothing, then I would it would’ve been easier for me. But the fact is I never really knew what was going to happen, how my mother was going to act toward me on any given day, what was going to set her off and so that actually kind of made it worse in a way, and I don’t know if you can relate to that based on your experience, but it was definitely troublesome for sure.

Vincent M. Wales: Thank you for sharing.

Gabe Howard: Yes. Thank you so much. And thank you for being on the show. I’m assuming that we can find your book on Amazon and probably many other booksellers online and off line. Where can we find your Web site, Ally?

Ally Golden: So my Web site is AllyGolden.com and it essentially just has some basic information about me and the book. And then of course the book is called A Good Soldier. And one thing I hope that – I know that a lot of your listeners are going through similar things and I genuinely love to hear from people, so you can email me through the Ally Golden website and I will get back to you. I write everyone back. So if people want advice… I mean again, I’m not a… I actually don’t even think I said this once, but I’m not a mental health professional, so I can’t take the place of someone who is qualified to give real advice but I can offer advice from the perspective of someone who’s been there and that’s what I did this for. So I would love to hear from people what you thought of the book, even if you hated the book. I mean I want to hear that too. What did you hate about it? What did you think didn’t ring true or what didn’t resonate? Like that feedback is just as valuable sometimes. So I look forward to hearing from everyone.

Gabe Howard: We couldn’t agree more and thank you so much for being so vulnerable and transparent and, again, peer support is very valuable. We’ve talked about it on this show before. That’s what Vin and I are. In many ways, we offer peer support. I talk about living with bipolar disorder. Vin talks about living with depression and we talk about the trials and tribulations of our life and hey we’ve gotten this far. So why not? I think our points are very valid and we’re glad that yours is too.

Ally Golden: They are and you guys are doing a great job. This is a great show and I really thank you for the service to the community because it is so important and it really does make a difference to people.

Vincent M. Wales: Thank you.

Ally Golden: So thank you.

Gabe Howard: We really appreciate that and thank you everyone for tuning in. Without our listeners, we’d be nothing. So remember, you can get one week of free, convenient, affordable, private, online counseling anytime, anywhere, by visiting BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral. Help us support our sponsor and we will see you all next week.

Narrator 1: Thank you for listening to the Psych Central Show. Please rate, review, and subscribe on iTunes or wherever you found this podcast. We encourage you to share our show on social media and with friends and family. Previous episodes can be found at PsychCentral.com/show. PsychCentral.com is the internet’s oldest and largest independent mental health website. Psych Central is overseen by Dr. John Grohol, a mental health expert and one of the pioneering leaders in online mental health. Our host, Gabe Howard, is an award-winning writer and speaker who travels nationally. You can find more information on Gabe at GabeHoward.com. Our co-host, Vincent M. Wales, is a trained suicide prevention crisis counselor and author of several award-winning speculative fiction novels. You can learn more about Vincent at VincentMWales.com. If you have feedback about the show, please email [email protected].

About The Psych Central Show Podcast Hosts

Gabe Howard is an award-winning writer and speaker who lives with bipolar and anxiety disorders. He is also one of the co-hosts of the popular show, A Bipolar, a Schizophrenic, and a Podcast. As a speaker, he travels nationally and is available to make your event stand out. To work with Gabe, please visit his website, gabehoward.com.

Vincent M. Wales is a former suicide prevention counselor who lives with persistent depressive disorder. He is also the author of several award-winning novels and creator of the costumed hero, Dynamistress. Visit his websites at www.vincentmwales.com and www.dynamistress.com.

from World of Psychology https://ift.tt/2QhbDpr via theshiningmind.com

#World of Psychology #child psychology

0 notes