#how many teachers i friended on facebook who ended up with children or had children while i was in school

[qprstobin]

Weird how often this fandom uses teacher Steve (especially like, kindergarten teacher Steve when tbh I think he'd be better as a middle school teacher) in place of him having children when??? So many teachers? Have children? Every teacher in my family but one has kids? Idk why people use it as a substitute like so many teachers don't end up wanting and having children.

#sorry just thinkin about how much i hate kindergarten teacher steve #being a replacement for steve having kids #esp bc tbh yeah love steve eith cute little kids but lmao #he definitely has middle school teacher vibes #could definitely see him being the chaos gremlin that my uncle is #(a middle school math teacher who once had to get HIP SURGERY BC HE WAS SKATEBOARDING WITH HIS STUDENTS) #which led me to think about the teachers in my family #(theres so many) #and how many of them have kids #how many teachers i friended on facebook who ended up with children or had children while i was in school #how tbh very few? married teachers i knew? didnt have children? #like obviously you can be a teacher and not want kids but like #steve wants kids lmao #teaching isnt going to replace that #anyway might make an actual teacher steve post later tbh #but needed yo bitch first #i think i have a cold lol so #grumpy day #fandom wank

[otter1962crystalball]

Pride and Spirituality

June 2, 2024

Happy day two of Pride. The idea of spirituality came up in my blog yesterday and I also engaged in a conversation with a fascinating person on FaceBook who read my blog. So, here I go with my take on spirituality - a collection of memories that shaped my beliefs. I’d also like to discuss how this relates to our pride celebrations.

My mind has always been in the clouds. One of my earliest recollections was around three years of age. My mother told me that she came out of the house where we lived at the time and saw me lying on the sidewalk, face up. Her initial response was, of course, alarm seeing her child in such a state. It turned out that I was motionless, intently watching a bird circling far above me. Knowing my habits, I was definitely contemplating something - I have no clue what it was, but I know that I’ve found myself always thinking about many abstract things. That includes spirituality.

In my early years, God was in the same category as Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. He was a bigger than life image in my head based on what I knew at the time. I saw him as a friendly soul that loved me for who I was. As I grew up, I discovered these imaginary friends were made up. Gone were the times of joy when Santa came, or when I found chocolate eggs magically appearing or a quarter under my pillow after losing a tooth. God, however, stayed an friendly enigma - until one fateful day in Sunday School.

We moved to a farm in Southern Ontario when I was around four years old. The closest church was a tiny wooden church belonging to the Free Methodists. Their religion is based on being committed to the authority of the bible and live the life of loving religious integrity. As an adult it sounds rather enticing; until I recall my first wake up call in Sunday School around the age of five.

Our teacher was this severe looking middle-aged white woman dressed in farm clothing sitting in front of us children. We were resting on the cold floor listening to her. She looked down on us, her glasses perched on the end of her nose. Her message was clear and I can still hear it ringing in my ears more than 50 years later: “If you children don’t behave, God is going to wipe your name out of his book!” Her actions were as severe as her voice. Her hand wiped across an imaginary book with so much fervour that is scared the shit out of me. She didn’t say exactly what it meant to “behave,” but the wildly imaginative me absorbed it and created a totem of fear.

Methodism dictates that believers should be free of sin and live the life according the bible. To be a true Methodist one needed to be someone of perfection signifying the completeness of the Christian character. One would have freedom from all sin, and have possession of all the graces of the Spirit, complete in kind. To a five year old, this gave me nightmares - how could I go to heaven? I was a bad boy!

I didn’t actually belong to the church of the Methodists. We went there for convenience. I was later baptized in a Pentecostal church in town, along with my brothers and sister. While the Pentecostal beliefs aren’t as severe as the Methodists, it was still a place of fear for me.

So here I was, a five year old boy knowing in his heart that he was different than the other children. I didn’t have a name for what I felt - I had a fascination with the other boys and a total disregard for girls’ bodies. I did, however, hang out with girls - but that is a story for later. Everything in my heart said that I was going to hell and that God had already wiped my name out of his book.

I can remember a time after this happened where I questioned God’s motives. Mother was driving us home in the evening after some event in town, when a man my mother knew, approached the car and rattled the door and said hello. He was clearly drunk and mother locked the doors, hunched her shoulders and put the car in gear to leave. I looked out the window and saw the drunken man standing there watching us depart. I asked my mother whether the man would go to hell or not because he was drunk. If I remember correctly, Mom said something to the effect that it was between the man and God. Now, I knew that I had to face God for all that I did or would do.

My parents didn’t go to church. They sent us off on our own. I still don’t really know what their beliefs were as I never asked them. I didn’t think much of their position until they gave me permission to choose whether I wanted to go to church or not at the age of twelve. I believe they were being kind and letting me make the decision. I did make it; not in how they thought I would work out my beliefs, but out of sheer horror that I was a sick, disgusting creature that was going to hell for being interested in boys.

In my years childhood and most of my teenage years, I felt alone and faced all the things that the world threw at me - the bullying, the idea of the bad boy, and shame for being who I was, would be and so on - the tortured soul bound for hell. There are so many stories from that time in my life that I could write about later. Suffice it to say, religion was out of my reach and I avoided it with earnest. 

I can tell you that in all those years since I quit going to church, I’ve been in one a total of three times: one for a midnight Christmas mass with friends alone over the holidays, an Easter service because a friend had seen the light and wanted to go but not alone and a recent visit here in Nova Scotia. Last year I went to an Anglican Church, not far from where I live, to say goodbye to a friend who was the music director there. He was leaving for Ontario and they were celebrating his work with them. The church was also becoming a LGBTQ friendly church and had the celebration on that same day along with their gay pastor. The service was really friendly and non-judgemental. Here was a place that actually welcomed people like me. Quite the surprise!

Now here comes the part about my spirituality. I feel that my beliefs are closer to the First Nations of North America. The idea of Mother Earth and all of us being part of nature makes sense to me. As a gay man, I am not seen as a mistake or an evil thing. I am who I am and whoever the creator is, accepts me as such. To me, there is something that guides me, but doesn’t judge me for my humanly actions. What this exactly means to me is still not clear and I will probably ponder it for my entire life. All I know is that the hatred being spread by religious means is something that frightens me a lot. Dangerous beliefs can be dangerous weapons in the hands of hypocritical believers who preach love - as long as you are like them. If not then we are less than holy. You get my drift...

I no longer feel like a mistake or should be punished for being who I am. My spirituality is my belief in myself, self love and that I can genuinely be who I am without being judged for being gay. The bible pounders and the religious haters have no room in my life. I’ve even thought about attending a few services at that local Anglican church because they are a friendly community and that is what pride is about for me - community - supporting and loving one another; even though we are all so vastly different. What better reason to celebrate: our differences and our diversity?

Happy Pride, everyone. Carpe diem.

#spirituality #gay #pride #celebration #I am Who I am #no hate #diveristy #love #hypocrisy

[litttigationllc]

I was born in California, raised angry there and let it out in Tennessee whenever mom saw tour started. I ran away twice and ended up teaching the math class at jt moore bc the teacher didnt want to, the only friend I had was basketball captain (we spoke once, he left me notes every day after, i avoided bc his script wasn't even interestingly terrible, just boringly bad), and the only real friend I had was the after school detention / art teacher (?) whose speech was so slow and thick like how glycerin swirled into underglaze looks. whoever picked me up took me to mcdonalds every day after school to gain some muscle(?) and I slept in a friend of a friends upstairs bedroom so cozy and warm in the winters, she had a plushie robe too, I loved taking showers I took them w the lights off after school, I learned six years later that a woman was murdered in that room and that's how they got that huge of a house so cheap when they did!

my uncle left our dead dogs body in the front seat of the flatbed for 9 extremely frigid days after he passed that winter. Super Bowl Sunday it was snowing and Hersheys body was taken out the day before but the smell of death stains everything and it lingers above its stain, I couldn't inhale but it was super bowl sunday. I had the best turkish apricots of my life that day and into the night. everyone was lit. I don't remember who won I don't care, that house was the only interesting home in Nashville lol. Little bowls of those apricots in every room of the giant party. and mini pickles but I never cared for those so much.

I met a 90 yr old sculptor who was visiting the hosts (her children) that weekend from Taos. Idk how I was related to the hosts. doesn't matter. she matters! she's the only one that matters. She showed me a stone cartoon at the base of the stairs which led to her guest room. she carved it. it resembled a peacock and doughdough bird, only the head of both. and soldered onto a concrete block, that was also a pillow.

somewhere between that moment and the drive home with the dog stained truck is when I decided I was going to taos, so i ran back home to Cali first. the homecoming was profound, i didnt know i had so many friends honestly i forgot and they seemed so distracted when I needed them. i never told them i needed them because I didnt want to freak them out with the explanation. They were there though and they didnt forget, thats still crazy to me. they thought I died I wasn't on Facebook yet and I left my phone with my dad at home. My 13 yr old girl heart got distracted by the reminder of friends and access to the sea and my molding soccer cleats in the garage, so I didnt go to taos till 8 years later. I went to Taos but now im Ny using my hands and melting a bit too much, and next month i’ll be over there letting it gush all the way out again,

this season ends on the 23rd of august, I hear its for reconciling w ur teen brain, i havent visited that cascade of events in a few

[penrose42]

So I had a dream last night that sparked a memory and train of thought so get ready for your very first long post, Tumblr.

Firstly, the dream: It started off as me exiting my old high school, I have had many a dream there so nothing too out of the ordinary, but before I left I had stopped off at the special ed class for some reason and had gotten to talking to a teacher, who had recognized me even though it was clear I had no idea who he was. He had recognized me, somehow, through a calendar from 1999 featuring autistic kids and four year old me was the cover for every month. I was shocked as this was the first I had ever heard of this, setting aside why this guy had a random outdated calendar that just so happened to have me on it because dream logic. I became furious as to why my parents would agree to me being in such a thing and why they'd openly tell the world that I was autistic when I had no way to give consent to the idea, but then it jumped to my dad telling me that they condoned this because he was proud of me regardless and that no matter who knew and how they treated me, that they loved me and wanted me to know that.

My thoughts:

Firstly to catch people up who don't know me: 1. Yes I am high functioning autistic 2. I was told I was first tested when I was four years old, which would have been 1999 3. Even after waking I do not know the teacher figure. I can't even remember his face now so I doubt it was of any importance. 4. Obviously the calendar doesn't exist. If it did I would assume we would have a copy and it would've shown up sometime. Plus I don't know why a calendar like that showcasing random autistic children would exist in the first place. 5. My dad, who has been deceased for seven years at this point, hasn't really talked to me about my autism or how they felt about it. Yes I recognize there's unresolved issues there and that dream dad was more or less just what my brain wanted him to tell me back when he was alive, but c'est la vie.

Later on I realized that this dream was tied to real life events that happened to me back in high school, and that it reflects in me how I feel today.

High School:

I was a band kid, so I got real chummy with other band kids. You fit in a clique as you do, and I had mine. The juniors and seniors, at least the ones in a particular music group that I was a part of, really seemed to enjoy my presence to the point that I preferred their company to kids my own grade at the end of freshman year. Sophomore year it stayed the same, but obviously sans the seniors from the previous year. Months into my sophomore year and I learn that all the older kids I had come to consider friends with learned that I was autistic, and I began to question the validity of their relationship with me. They hadn't treated anyone else, to my knowledge, the same as they would me, and I can attest I can be an annoying motherfucker at times. Then I would learn that everyone knew from one guy, who coincidentally was friends with my dad on Facebook. This guy I had considered a good friend, we had a good standing and were amicable to each other, however I cannot tell if it came from a place of genuine friendliness or if it was simply a façade of tolerance, like you'd see on any minimum wage worker at any retail store.

Obviously that idea spread to all the older people I knew; Did they really enjoy my presence or did they just tolerate it? Was I adding anything to their day or was I just something they had to go through and would avoid if the option arose? Then there was my dad; He had told me on a myriad of occasions that he loved me, never abused me physically, and while some of his jabs stung, I never got the sense of it coming from a place of disgust or animosity. I think he just didn't know where the boundary was and I was a quiet kid who didn't have a backbone. But I can't help but think. When expecting a kid, which mind you I have never been in the position in, I would imagine that you'd be helpless to dream up the kind of person they would become. What their experiences, which would be totally alien to you and completely unique to them, would ultimately shape them into the thinking agent they would become. What kind of human they'd be. But does anyone ever consider disability? Does anyone ever dream their kid being in a wheelchair? Does anyone ever dream their kid needing leg braces? Does anyone ever dream their kid needing special ed? a tutor? IEP?

Unless you have it yourself, or it runs in either genepool, assuming you're aware, does anyone ever consider their kids being disabled? I would assume that nobody would ever expect their kid being the one who needs wheelchair access, or who'd need a specialized tutor to help them with their dyslexia, or anything of the sort.

So why would my dad ever conceive of his son being the autist who can't make friends and is a total asocialite who'd rather spend their days indoors watching tv instead of making friends and playing around? I can't help but feel that, even now when I am nearing my thirties, and even seven years after he's gone, that deep down he was just the slightest bit disappointed, not in what I've done or who I am, but what I am. That I am not his expectation from when I was in his head. This unease, this unknowing, is without doubt the crux of my whole disquiet.

I now have trust issues with not just the people I know but now everyone. Do they genuinely like me, or am I but an occasional nuisance? Do they pity me and just put on a mask, or does it come from a genuine place of friendship? I think I've lost my ability to tell.

Cognitively I know that being autistic not something to be ashamed of, it's not an impairment of my cognitive ability or anything of the sort, but emotionally it's just hard to lose after you've dealt with this for two decades. When I was a kid I generally didn't like people knowing so that I didn't have to worry about the validity of their company, but since neither parent talked about it with me at all, and me being the spineless quiet kid, I never told them that I didn't like people knowing. Even now I tend not to tell people unless it's relevant, because I just don't know how they'll treat me or what they'll think of me.

I'll be the first to tell you that you shouldn't worry about what people think of you and that you should just do you, but I will confess that I do not practice what I preach. I worry that all that people see when the focus is me is just a blathering retard who just doesn't have a clue. That they'll never invest the time into me to really get to know me, because why bother.

I'm starting to doubt why I'm even bothering to continue at this point. I think I just want this off my chest. If you've made it this far don't bother sending a DM about this post I just want this out and gone.

I will say this though and that's where I think my parents went wrong. They got me tested at four but didn't intentionally tell me anything until I was around twelve, but I learned when I was eight. That's a story for another day I just can't right now. They always let me in to IEP meetings and whatnot but I just assumed everyone went through that. Yeah don't do that. Tell your kids as soon as you can. Explain it to them in language they'll understand. Make them understand. Talk to them directly about it and let them know that there's nothing wrong with them. Let them know they're not a let down or a failure but don't coddle them either. Communicate with them. Just don't let them be me. Don't let them doubt their relationships. Don't let them doubt their trust in you or anyone. There's good people out there, I know it, I know some, but my doubt always creeps in.

#autism #anxitey #dreams #feelings #tw depressing stuff #thoughts #disability

[daemosghost]

It's genuinely crazy how the high school I went to was just successfully able to just cover shit without the press questioning them cause why did I come across a news article that essentially says high school students were "allegedly" brutalized by cops in 2007 with mace and batons for trying to break up a fight and there were no further updates also I looked into the article for the lockdown we were under in 2018, its damn near bare bones

To preface, I redacted some stuff cause I know for a fact that they didn't like people talking about incidents whether it was recent or old and I have a feeling that they'd find some way to get this deleted lmao.

[ID: [REDACTED], AL (WTVM) - A [REDACTED] high school has been placed on lockdown after officers received an "unconfirmed report" of a firearm on campus.

[REDACTED] Sheriff [*] Jones has confirmed that a school resource officer at [REDACTED] High School received an unconfirmed report that a student may have brought a firearm to school.

Sheriff Jones says there has been no incident indicating an attempt to do harm.

Deputy sheriffs and resource officers are currently at the school attempting to confirm whether or not a firearm is on campus.

Sheriff Jones says that despite social media concern that other schools are involved, on [REDACTED] High school is involved in the situation. /End of ID]

Like why is there NOTHING here? Like I can literally confirm what happened pre-lockdown and also confirm there was 100% malicious intent behind this, while they were out here claiming that whoever had the weapon intended no harm. Here's what happened.

Passed 6:30 in the morning on the school bus, I sat in the wrong seat because sometimes the guy who sat in front of me on the bus changed where he sat and that would get my already muddled brain confused that early in the morning. That same morning, the guy who was a senior at the time that rarely every got on the bus in the morning, got on the bus that morning and was mad because I "took his seat". Later on when we got to the elementary school, we usually sat there until 7:15 because the kids who rode the bus couldn't be released until that time hit, the guy started talking about shit, and it switch to violence real quick. He said if he'd bring a gun on the bus, shoot me first, everyone in the back of the bus, the bus driver and the literal children. Later on that day it was lunch time, while eating, me and my friend literally witnessed two football players standing next to our table, "discreetly" dealing a bag of weed to the other. One of them left to go to their car and came back saying something about some stolen guns, and went to the principal and resource officer. Me and my friend watched them discuss something and a few other teachers had got up whispering about something after whatever was said being spread to them, and next thing we knew, lunch was abruptly cut short. Teachers kept rushing all of us to hurry up and get to class, we knew something was up then, but not exactly what. I got to my math class, she got to hers, I sat in my desk, my math teacher didn't know what happened yet and was confused at what was happening. She checked her email and then called the office, and also ushering us inside. Someone asked what happened and she said we were under lockdown and it was not a drill. After everyone got inside, blinds were closed, lights were shut off, some people went behind her desk, doors were locked and the window of the door was covered over. We were all just on our phones the whole time and still talking, then we saw one of the journalists go live on facebook standing outside the school, many concerned parents in the chat and also students complaining about being hungry and/or needing to piss. At some point we heard footsteps in the hall which made everyone dive under stuff and hide behind the teacher's desk, the teacher had still been at the door so she flattened herself against the wall hoping not to be seen like Shaq hiding behind a pole. It was nearly 3pm or was 3pm before we could leave the school, they had us leaving in chronological order like "if you're a car rider/or car rider whose last name starts with A to G, you can leave now" and that took a while. Some of the guns were found in a bathroom stall, but some were still missing. The guy that stole them had booked it into the woods hid out there for a while before going home and being found there. It was the same guy who threatened to kill me and all these other people on my bus earlier on the day of the lockdown. He ended up being expelled, yet this article doesn't say shit at all, not even a name released since he was literally an adult and had already failed senior year once already.

#text #long post #txt post #high school

[soberdoingit]

#author

[austinpanda]

26 June, 2022

26 June, 2022

Dear Dad--

I think I forgot to write a letter last week. Just spaced on it entirely! In my defense, my country is doing a space shuttle Challenger right now, and the Supreme Court just said we’re go at throttle up. I wrote a long Facebook post last night (well, long for a Facebook post) about it, and spent about an hour getting the wording right. If you’re going to call republicans a bunch of shite cunts, which they are, you really should be specific as to why. Everything about this is terrible, from the way Obama’s Supreme Court pick got fucked, to the way Trump got to pick three, how each of the three said Roe was settled law during confirmation, how all three simply lied. They’re Supreme Court justices, and all they had to do to get there, and do this, was to lie. How do you fight corruption when you refuse to use it to achieve your ends, but your opponent doesn’t?

And the Supreme Court just gutted a New York law about gun carrying. To summarize, cities and states can’t ban citizens from carrying guns in public. The number of guns worn by “good guys” in America is about to increase. I suppose republicans believe this will lead to greater safety. This is right after Uvalde, where the “good guys” with guns spent an hour not using them, for fear of being shot by the “bad guy” with his gun, to the great misfortune of all the “murdered children,” and two of their teachers. 

So I suppose it’ll behoove me to keep this week’s letter to you short. I know we disagree on some of this, especially the guns. You stuff loaded handguns into your fucking sofa cusions until they’re covered with dog hair, and you do this…for greater SAFETY. Dad, against whom do you imagine yourself using your gun? Because, and this is my problem, I’m willing to bet every dollar I have, and everything else I own, that it’s a black guy. 

After that, like, what else is there to talk about? Oh, here’s one thing I’m thinking of: Justice Clarence Thomas said that as long as they’re overturning Roe, they might as well reexamine cases that allowed gay marriage. Your political party doesn’t think I should love my husband, much less be married to him. Your political party may take my wedding ring, Dad. 

Already, two of Stacy’s best friends, a couple of amazingly sweet, hard working, talented, loving people are having to leave the state because of the state’s ever-increasing hostility towards trans people. Texas’ republican party just made part of its official platform the strong desire to overturn Obergefell, ignore any federal laws about gay marriage that they choose, imprison anyone who would help trans people be trans, and allow adoption only to single or married heterosexuals. Your political party is making Stacy’s friends go away, Dad. It already made your son leave the state. Well, that, and the repulsive amount of heat, and how it gets noticeably worse year after year after year. Perhaps we can ameliorate climate change by shooting guns at it. 

It just occurred to me, the states that ban abortion may include an exception for abortions that are needed only to save the life of the mother, but they don’t have to! Do we feel secure in the belief that no state is going to ban it entirely, regardless of circumstances? I sure as shit don’t. Your political party is going to kill the SHIT out of lots and lots of women, Dad. And I know you like women, because you fucked so very many of them whilst married to Mom.

Anyway, how ‘bout that sports event, huh? Yay sports team!

Today is the day when the magical thing happens! I have to admit, current events are rather dulling the sheen of excitement around my fucking magical thing, but it’s happening anyway. We got our relief checks from the state government! Because we’re in a blue state, abortions will remain available, and the government will occasionally give extra refunds to taxpayers in the state when there’s a surplus. Zach and I each got checks for $850. (If that sounds great, just know that $800 of it will be eaten by bills.) We agreed that we’d set aside enough money to go to Texas Roadhouse, so Zach could get a big steak--he wants whatever’s the biggest one they have--and I can get a chicken fried steak, and we can share one of those fried onion blossoms, and shit, I just realized, it’s Texas themed. I don’t care a whit about the general quality of their food, or the stupid Southern ambiance. I just hope, I REALLY, REALLY HOPE, that the food we get exceeds expectations, because, to quote Full Metal Jacket, “This is the only pussy you people are going to get.” 

But we’re going at a time when they’re typically slow, so there shouldn’t be a wait, and I hear they give you unlimited free rolls that are particularly magical in some way. 

Just thought of something else: You like the jazz band Pat Metheny Group, right? So, if I was someone in the Pat Metheny Group, I could honestly describe you by saying, “He’s the one, he likes all our pretty songs, and he likes to sing along, and he likes to shoot his gun, but he don’t know what it means, don’t know what it means.”

I should probably end this letter because it’s just turning into a long-winded Up Yours card. I’m not mad at you for what the Supreme Court did. I’m mad at you for putting them in power. If I were on the republican side of things, I’d have to say, this is a success that dwarfs our wildest expectations, that it was the best day this country’s seen since the peaceful protests of January 6th. 

Ugh, Imma go now. Try to be loving for the next seven days.

[phantomrose96]

Flash in the Eyes Part 2

(Part 1)

More fixed!Flynn lore? More fixed!Flynn lore

..................

Danny lay awake. He kept his eyes glued to the bedroom ceiling, studded with glow-in-the-dark stars from corner to corner. They doused him in the tiniest shimmer of ethereal light – the second source of light in the room – after his phone, which he gripped loosely in the hand dangling off the bed. The phone cast its own faint shimmer outward, a ray into the bleak night.

And he himself made for the third source of light, he supposed. That pulse of iridescent green from his eyes, which he felt like the beginnings of a headache building inside his head, had been spurred to the front by the trickle of anxiety that kept his nerves alight now at 3:30 am.

The plastic stars above. His phone glowing outward. (His radioactive eyes, pinned to Aunt Alicia.)

Danny was not allowed to forget the incident. He was not allowed to move on. Even home, it followed him.

His phone, with that dim light, was open to a single message that had been plaguing him all day. A single Facebook message, from a profile wishing to connect, with no profile picture, no history, no other friends, made day-of. “danny. this is your aunt alicia. never would of thought id be using of one these computers. wierd things. any way. wanted to apoligize about scarring you. I have a mean face maddie knows. i dont have a computer. this is in the libary in town. but hoping you culd call me on the phone. wanted to ask you somthing more. thanks. xxx-xxx-xxxx…”

Danny left the message on read. He figured it didn’t much matter that his read-receipts were on. Alicia made it clear she had no access to a computer, or likely internet for that matter. This was a message cast into the void, framed as an apology, but fishing for information that made Danny’s skin crawl to think about. Alicia could talk to his mom any time. But she had chosen not to. She’d chosen to contact Danny directly, through a means of great hassle for a woman so sworn-off technology, living so far away from proper civilization. And she’d chosen to do so after seeing that flash in his eyes.

This wasn’t like fighting ghosts. Those were pure physical scuffles which ended in him casting the creature off into the portal to (hopefully) never be heard from again. This instead was an anxiety pricking along every nerve of his skin, deep-seeded and deep-sewn from the woman who terrified him all these many years, whose connection to his ghost-hunting parents sent his brain into spirals of dread for all the what-ifs he conjured.

“You seem deep in contemplation. Perhaps I should come back later?”

Danny sat bolt-upright, spinning fast enough to see new stars spawning in his vision. He blinked them away, and sucked in a sharp inhale of breath as he snapped his head to the side.

Half-translucent, idly floating, Vlad Plasmius appraised him from the other side of he bedroom, studying Danny the way a teacher might study a struggling student.

Danny’s transformation and leap from bed came as one. His covers blew back, phone clattering to the floor forgotten.

“Plas—”

“Yes yes, ‘it is I, Plasmius’. I believe we’ve done our battle cry introductions enough times for the audience to get the point.”

“What are you doing here?!”

“Just dropping in on old friends.” Plasmius, still floating, performed a motion as if to sit. He swung one leg over the other, and reduced the miasma of pressure that his aura sent off. He was relaxed, and conversational, and this made Danny’s neck hair prickle all the more.

“All the way from Wisconsin! Yeah just, dropping in at 3 in the morning! Yeah, well, sorry but I don’t buy it, Plasmius. And I’m sending you back to Wisconsin now that you—”

“Seems we’ve both been traveling quite a bit out of state. Tell me was it a fun little vacation? A ghost hunting trip?”

“It—” Danny’s eyes narrowed. “How do you know we were gone?”

“Oh easy, I have ghost sentinels pinned on your house at all hours. They feed me this information.”

“Noted. Thanks for the tip. I’ll be sure to blast them out of existence next time I’m out.”

“I’d love to see you try. They’re masters of stealth.” Vlad flashed a grin. “I have to say I am quite disappointed to see you all back so soon – must have been a short trip. Where did you go?”

“Not telling you. Now why are you here?”

“I’ll tell you if you tell me.”

Danny bit down the urge to sucker-punch Vlad on spot. “We were visiting our aunt. Nothing special. Not everything is some big…I dunno… ghost conspiracy, Vlad. Now why are you here?”

“I was simply hoping to catch the house unguarded. You know, explore the lab, see the new contraptions that Maddie designed and Jack botched, perhaps sprinkle some cyanide in the oaf’s cornflakes box.”

“Like I’d let you--!”

“Aunt, did you say, Daniel? Alicia, perchance?”

Danny gave no response. He felt only the twist in his gut, which wrought a smile to Vlad’s face.

Vlad clapped his hands together and continued. “That is a name that brings back memories! She and Maddie were remarkably close. I heard about her constantly – given of course that I am a fantastic listener who never forgets a name or a face, unlike some fools who can’t even remember birthdays – but yes as Maddie’s best listener and best supporter, I feel like I know Alicia personally. Tell me, how is her husband Dale doing? How’s little Flynn? Not so little anymore, I imagine.”

“Don’t… talk about my aunt. That’s weird.” Danny floated backwards, coalescing a lick of flame in his palm. “Also, goes to show how much you know these days. Alicia and Dale have been divorced for like ten years now. And there’s no Flynn. You sure you’re that great a listener?”

Vlad quirked an eyebrow. “Ah, shame how divorce never seems to happen to the right people. Has Alicia tried telling Maddie it’s not too late to follow suit?” Danny unleashed his pulse of energy. Vlad blocked it with a single dismissive wave of his gloved hand. “And Daniel I am referring to your cousin Flynn, about whom I am absolutely not mistaken. Maddie and I were sophomores in college when he was born. Maddie flooded me with pictures of the boy, chubby little thing with red hair like Maddie’s. They moved her to tears, some of them. It was formative for me. The moment I realized that was the future I wished for myself, that I could bring Maddie that same joy with a family of our own. Shame how children don’t seem to happen to the right people either.”

Danny gave no response. He only lingered in the air, drifting slightly, the wafting residue of his attack trailing along his palm.

“You don’t seem so convinced,” Vlad commented.

“I’m not. Aunt Alicia doesn’t have kids. I don’t have any cousins. Unless you count whatever Danielle is.”

“A clone. You have to know the cousin thing was made up.”

“Alicia doesn’t have kids. Bottom line.”

“Did she sign him away in the divorce? That’s cold. I wonder if I could convince Jack to do the same with you.”

“Aunt Alicia divorced without kids, dumbass!” Danny swept a hand out. “She talks about her divorce all the time like it’s the best thing that happened to her, and she’s said how easy it was with just her and Dale and no one else. I don’t know how many other ways I can tell you I don’t have cousins, and I definitely don’t have a cousin named Flynn. You’re making yourself look like an idiot.”

“The opinion of a 14-year-old means very little to me.” Vlad dipped forward, closing the gap between him and Danny by a few feet. The air howled cold behind him. “However I am utterly intrigued to know what became of Flynn then. Clearly something worth keeping from you. Drowned in a pool? Carried off by a bear? Perhaps his parents made a ghost portal a decade prior to yours and he zapped it on from the inside.”

“You’re not funny.”

“I am hilarious, young man.” Vlad uncrossed his legs, still floating, but as though standing once more. “You should respond to your aunt’s message.” Vlad nodded his head to the phone on the floor. “She seems eager to speak to you. Maybe she can tell you what happened to dear little Flynn. And if you don’t, well perhaps I will stop by tomorrow morning for some tea, and ask Maddie myself what became of him. You’re welcome to be in the room when I do.”

“Hey!”

A flash of light momentarily blinded Danny, followed by a pulse of energy, and when Danny opened his eyes again he had to blink through stars.

Nothing remained in the night.

Only the ceiling studded stars above, and the glow of the phone below, and the consumptive chilling green flashing from his own eyes.  

#danny phantom #dp #flynn #flynn walker #dp fanfiction #vlad masters

[deviltoys]

IMPORTANT! PLEASE READ!

hey, kevin here, i apologize that somethin' of this matter is being posted so late like this and so sudden. i won't be typing as i usually do as the accusations here are a serious matter and there won't be a need for my usual, light-hearted typing style.

it has come to my attention, though this information has been kept private for maybe a month, two? but has only just recently been brought to my attention by a good friend of mine. the claims were sent to him over instagram by my ex; kai or huhrizon. the photo will be attached below in which, kai, is laughing about the fact he believes he's found out that i am a minor. more specifically, fifteen. which couldn't be farther from the truth, this thread will be debunking and defending myself before he can come out and express these fabricated lies to try and ruin my reputation because he's upset that i wasn't ready for a relationship.

kai messaging mattia over the fact he believes he has uncovered 'my mother's facebook profile'. which will be debunked below.

very interesting that you decided to not only, try to uncover things about my identity after i politely explained to you that i no longer wanted to pursue a relationship, but that you're brewing up fake rumours just to try to get back at me for it.

onto the main claim. kai has been professing, that i, am infact a fifteen year old falsifying his age online. the reason he believes these claims are that, one, he found my mother's facebook profile. and two, that there was a photo on there of me, with the caption 'happy birthday kevin' posted onto the account. mattia has explained to me that this photo isn't here to be displayed as evidence, solely because kai sent the picture through instagram's vanish mode.

* this mode automatically deletes anything sent after the chat is closed.

mattia informed me that this photo was overall suspicious though as kai had blurred out the user's facebook handle. very odd indeed kai, very odd. i have no clue what this women looked like as there were no further photos, so until then, i don't know how i can debunk the woman not being my mother; appearance wise.

what reason do i have to believe this is motivated out of spite? before kai and i had become acquainted, i followed him through dylan, who had publicity posted about how his friend had created a dark blog. wanting to follow more creators who shared a similar interest, i followed him. immediately, kai had started sending asks about whether or not i was single. we had not talked nor even messages before, we had liked a few of each others posts and that was the max of our interactions. but i responded with a flirty remark, which i am now known for, but wasn't at the time. flirting was thrown back and fourth and after awhile i had realized i was no longer ready, mentally or emotionally for a relationship at that point in time. i still had full feelings for kai, yet kindly expressed my discomfort with a relationship. which he mutually accepted and that was that. i thought we were ended things on great terms, we both communicated and got our messages out of the way.

apparently this was not the case, as kai, without my knowledge goes to search for any sort of dirt he can find on me. which, i will be using a post by dylan to explain why i have reason to be swayed into the fact this was out of anger— i love dylan, and he's not included in these accusations whatsoever, but this post is important to view. do not drag him into this, please. i'm serious.

dylan admits to kai being able to ruin people's lives for fun. which is obviously, not a good look for him. he purposefully goes on the hunt for any information he can attach to someone. unluckily for him, he couldn't find anything worth exposing, so he restorts to making up lies about my age in an attempt to get some sort of revenge? as punishment for breaking his heart i presume. very, very mature after a breakup which i calmly and kindly let you know that i wasn't ready for anything further.

now, onto the rebuttal i have for his big accusation; me being a fifteen year old who's mother's social, kai sniffed up. my mother does not own any form of social media, she has an email which is technically not even a social app. ( this is used for her grad teachers, in order to contact her for reasons that will be explained ).

my mother hasn't had any social app for years, much less posts or takes photos of us to display whatsoever. my mother entered a relationship with a man, who at the time she didn't know was very, very anti-lgbtq.

* before anything else it's important to note that kai, believes i have a brother. i told him this in order to stray away any true information about me, as there are very few people i fully trust with the knowledge of my personal life. much less, someone who i just met at the time; i.e kai. kai had mentioned a friend of either his or his brothers being named 'hank' to try to also fit the lie of having a brother, i told him it was a funny coincidence that my brother had the same name. i do not have a brother, my sister and i are both trans— she being mtf, and i being ftm. she has given me explicit permission to disclose this, as i wouldn't ever dream of letting that information out without her word.

this leads into my main argument. my mother had been with this man for quite awhile, and had finally asked us for permission to give him the news, that we were both transgender and that he should know for the future of our family. he obviously, did not take this well. to keep details minimal for the safety of my family, i'll briefly explain some of the shit he's done to my mother. stalk, threaten, send unsolicited photos and dead animals to our home, try to get my mother to meet up - or find her location to meet up with her, and many, many more vile things. my family has been hiding, moving, and changing our identities ever since. my mother has wanted a healthy, safe environment for her children to grow up in without fear that their lives would be taken or in some way ruined by this man. we can't keep a house for more than a year before we're forced to go into hiding because of a message from him or some sick prank from somebody who knows about the situation. this is all i can say, as i don't want him to somehow get ahold of this post. which is also why i am withholding my families legal names as well as her ex's legal name just to be cautious. though it is never ever justified to lie to your partner, kai and i had barely talked and i felt pressured by the environment and excitement to rush headfirst into a relationship. causing me to hold back any truth to my personal life, excluding interests, stories, and stuff of that sort. which deserves an apology all on it's own.

now, where this fifteen, number came from. not a clue in hell, my sister, is sixteen but was fifteen at the time i was in a relationship with kai. i have no clue if this has anything to do with it, but he knew, as i told him i was celebrating her birthday through text. letting him know, the age she was and the age she was turning.

i live off the grid and always have. my legal name is not on here, my family or friends names, etc. my personality, all me, the stories or hobbies i have? true. my job? true. i express the true me on here while still holding back information that could cause my family into another year of hiding. my mother never has and never will have any socials. she barely uses her email out of fear, but has no choice as it's her only means of communication to her job.

another quick thing i would like to mention, to be truthful, as this is a post solely based on trust alone. as i have no physical evidence to back it up. i sent a photo to kai, letting him know it was taken when i was in middle school. i told him my mother put a filter over it, which is weird right? i just explained how my mother doesn't have socials, he's got to be lying, right? no, my teacher had taken the photo and she had edited on her photo to show our grandma, who she sent the image through phone messages. this was no lie, but it was a misdirection to try to get kai to believe my mother posted about me. i still didn't trust him and never fully did, so this was another. morally wrong, attempt to cover my true identity by lying to him about it. which, again, never right to lie to your partner. but i have a family to protect, it's hard to make friends and relationships online when you have to hide who you truly are your whole life. and i'm sorry that's been the case, though the information my mutuals privately know is all the truth. i've grown to trust a fair few, so thank you.

as a summary, these claims are total bullshit. i can provide more context or answers to any questions you may have, below, through dms, or through my inbox. this was once again posted before he could get his word out, as i wanted to make sure everyone knew what i had to say, in case he decided to 'expose' me while i was at work, or too busy to compile a rebuttal. thank you all for listening, you don't have to believe a word of this. as yes, my story does sound far-fetched but i have no way that i can verify it without putting my family in danger. which, i'd much rather lose my online status over a silly rumour than harm my family for another multitude of years. this is a rather short and rushed post though, as it's been bugging me for awhile and i just need to push it out.

[96thdayofrage]

What you tell a child will vary based on the age of the child, their level of interest, and their race and/or yours may be a factor. One thing that is essential is that they are told the truth. Unfortunately, there are many different stories being told about the same events which mean parents may have to step up their game regarding the facts of slavery. If you’re going to say a schoolbook is wrong, you better be able to back it up.

In 1977, the mini-series Roots captivated the nation and started a conversation about slavery that may never be duplicated. There were only three basic television networks at the time, the show’s 130–140 million viewers equaled more than half of the US population at the time of 221 million. Each of the eight episodes still ranks among the top 100 most-watched episodes of all time. If someone managed to avoid watching Roots, it was almost impossible to avoid discussions of the show. People in America were talking about slavery.

I had a chance to re-watch Roots recently which is available on-demand on my cable subscriber. Knowing what I now know about slavery, it’s amazing how much information was slipped into the show, including the ever-changing laws that targeted slaves, even after they were freed. It also captured the real fear of white people during and after the Nat Turner rebellion.

Before I take this conversation in a whole different direction, many of the commenters mentioned watching documentaries or movies as a family and discussing them afterward. In addition to Roots, one might consider the PBS Series: Slavery and the Making of America, 500 Years Later, Roots of Resistance: The Story of the Underground Railroad, or Over the River… Life of Lydia Marie Child, Abolitionist for Freedom. There are also several children’s books about slavery including If You Lived When There Was Slavery in America, Henry’s Freedom Box, and All Different Now: Juneteenth, the First Day of Freedom. Many of the children's books have YouTube videos with the author reading the book aloud. Questions from the children should be expected, your ability to answer them may vary. If you don’t know the answer, don’t be afraid to say that, but commit to trying to find the answer and discuss your plan to do so.

There were responders who indicated they would say nothing at all to their children. I respectfully submit that children will learn something from somewhere about slavery and those parents might wish they had more involvement. There is a lot of rewriting of history even today. Many purported historians make excuses for slavery and praise the Founders for their foresight which led to the end of slavery in America. There is a part of the Constitution; Article 1, Section 9: Clause 1, which establishes that the US could not eliminate the International Slave Trade for at least twenty years.

Article 1, Section 9: Clause 1

Clause 1. The Migration or Importation of such Persons as any of the States now existing shall think proper to admit…

They say it was a plan to eventually phase out slavery. I interpret it as something far more diabolical which combines protectionism with the forced breeding of domestic slaves in order to generate higher profits on their sale. If you’re going to talk to children about slavery be sure to get it right. If you choose never to speak to your children about slavery, you risk allowing them to be misinformed and led astray.

In 1808, America banned the import of slaves from Africa and the West Indies. The impact on actual slavery in America…

medium.com

“Those Who Do Not Learn History Are Doomed To Repeat It.”

There was a response from a white woman with two black grandchildren ages 13, and 11. She said, “They are getting to the age where they need to know these things, but I’m lost.” In her case, I think I’d ask the children’s parent(s) if available what their plans were to discuss slavery and try to reach some consensus. Going alone without their involvement could create a bad situation which ultimately affects everyone’s relationship. Assuming you go forward; I’d begin with a discussion about what they have experienced at their ages specific to being black. You, as well as black parents and grandparents, will likely have to cover many topics including the civil rights movement, African civilizations, and black hair. Don’t be overwhelmed by what you don’t know, a trip to the library or a targeted Internet search may prove extremely helpful. I would suggest going at their pace, not force-feeding them if they’re not ready. and preparing for the possibility that the discussion never really ends. I’m still learning as will you and them.

There’s another category for which I got no responses, though I have hundreds of white Facebook friends. What do white people tell their white children about slavery? They shouldn’t assume they’ll be taught everything they need to know in school. They should take an interest in the curriculum and find out what is being taught, discuss with their children what they’re learning. Look for opportunities to supplement their learning, providing them the same books, videos, and documentaries I’ve suggested to black parents. Pay attention to their discussion about children and teachers of other races. Look for teachable moments about equality, study the histories of various cultures beyond your own.

Slavery was horrific, but it’s part of America’s past and shouldn’t be forgotten or dismissed. In an unrelated discussion about events during slave times, I was told (via the Internet), “that was 200 years ago, who cares?” In another discussion with a white co-worker about a race massacre that had occurred not 10 miles from where we were standing, he said, “Why would you want to bring any of that up? It will just create problems.” There are many who would like slavery to be a forgotten part of America’s history. This country was literally built by slaves and that contribution has never formally been acknowledged or compensated. Even today, the equivalent of slave labor is utilized in several nations, some of which benefits Americans who look the other way. The more we educate our own population, the better we can make the world. It all begins with teaching the children.

[bondsmagii]

statement regarding the sudden disappearance of all my childhood memories and subsequent photos, gradually, over the course of four years

ARCHIVIST

Statement of Jasmine Harper, regarding the disappearance of all childhood memories and photographs over the course of four years. Original statement given July 21, 2011. Audio recording by Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London.

Statement begins.

ARCHIVIST (STATEMENT)

I can’t really remember when it was that I noticed. It was a gradual thing, but at the same time it felt so sudden… like I woke up one morning and they were all gone, or at least most of them were. But I know that isn’t what happened at all, is it? The more I think about it, the more I realise that I began to forget years and years before I realised something was truly wrong. I thought it was normal, you know? I thought it was just part of getting older. I mean, how many of us get out of university able to recall the full names of everyone in our first primary school class? I took Psychology for one of my A-Levels, actually, and when we did our module on memory that was one of the tests. I must have been able seventeen then, so it was before I noticed this happening. We had to take a sheet of paper and write down every full name we could remember from our first primary school class. I won by a landslide, and I had five names. Only five names! But that’s the thing – I used to have such a good memory when it came to my childhood. That’s why I can’t understand what’s happening.

I had a good childhood. This isn’t any childhood trauma or anything like that. I mean, there were some nasty moments in it, like any childhood is prone to have – I had a problem with bullies when I first started high school, nothing out of the ordinary but you know how cruel kids can be, and when you’re that age it sticks with you. My parents divorced when I was fourteen, but there was nothing specifically traumatic about that. It sucked, and I was sad to see them sad, but they remained civil through the whole thing and actually got on better afterwards, so it wasn’t like there were screaming matches or anything. They were careful to keep my brother and I updated on everything, which I was thankful for. It was nice, that they didn’t do what a lot of parents seem to do – treat us like small children, and not young adults who would also be affected by the situation. If I ever get a divorce, I hope to god it’s as pleasant as my parents’ was. There’s nothing in my childhood that I can pinpoint that might have caused this, and that seems to be a common cause of forgetting, at least – trauma, mental illness, something like that. I’ve… struggled with depression sometimes, but never anything that I didn’t get under control with the right combination of things. Really, I’m a completely normal, average person. There’s nothing that could have caused this at all. I’ve been to doctors, I’ve had brain scans, I was worried it was some kind of tumour or stroke, but no. Nothing. I’m perfectly healthy, but I don’t feel it.

As I said, it began gradually. I realised I was forgetting things; small things. The address of the house I lived in until I was five. Old phone numbers. The last names of childhood friends. Some of my teachers’ names. None of it was unusual. I’m pretty sure everyone forgets those things, so I wasn’t worried at all. A little annoyed sometimes, because it really felt like getting old, or I couldn’t randomly look somebody up on Facebook to see how they were doing or something, but really it wasn’t unusual at all. It was only when I started forgetting bigger things that I began to grow concerned. I mean, this was stuff that I shouldn’t forget at all, or that was relatively recent. I know for most people, childhood probably means when they were a smaller child; before they hit their teenage years, perhaps. Well, this seems to be taking the legal definition of child as its guide, because I found myself forgetting things that happened when I was sixteen, seventeen years old. I mean, that’s not that long ago! That’s not even ten years ago! I began to forget huge chunks of time; before I knew it I couldn’t recall my earliest memories, and then I couldn’t recall anything from primary school. It’s just blank, like trying to think about what was there before I was born. Still I told myself it wasn’t that much to worry about, but then it began creeping up and up, and back then I still had the photographs. I could look through photo albums or friends’ Facebook pages and see what I was forgetting: a birthday party at Alton Towers when we were eleven, the school ski trip to Italy when we were fourteen, our school’s knock-off idea of an American prom when we were seventeen. There I am, in all of the pictures, grinning and present and definitely there. But I can’t remember a thing about the day at all!

I finally accepted something was terribly wrong at my aunt’s wedding. She was getting married pretty later on in life because she was kind of wild as a young adult, didn’t want to settle down or anything. Everyone was fond of her – she always had the most interesting stories and she’s just a lot of fun to be around – and so the whole family was there to see her get married: all the surviving grandparents, great aunts and uncles, cousins, partners, friends, kids, even the dogs were invited. It was a beautiful summer day and everyone was having so much fun and I know this sounds stupid but I feel so mad that this had to happen on that day of all days, because nothing bad is supposed to happen at a wedding, right? Well, everything was fine until late into the reception, and we were all a little drunk but not overly so. I was sitting with my mum and brother at a table with some cousins and my aunt and her new wife, and we were all reminiscing about other crazy family parties and stuff. I was talking about my grandparents’ fiftieth wedding anniversary, that happened when I was twelve or thirteen. I was telling some story – of course I can’t even remember what it was now, but it was something about me and my brother and the cousins that were at the table with us, and I was talking about it just fine and then, literally mid-sentence, I forgot it. Not just what we were doing, but the whole event. I didn’t even know I was talking about the anniversary until my brother prompted me, and then it was just blank. My brother and cousins all picked up the story and I laughed along and played it up like I’d had a little too much wine, you know, haha, but I mean it when I say it was gone. And not only that – it felt taken from me. It felt as though somebody had reached into my head and just… plucked the memory right out.

It bothered me so much that I went to visit my mum shortly afterwards. We sat down and had a few cups of tea and eventually I worked up the courage to ask if I could root around in the photo albums, saying that the wedding had reminded me of a few things I wanted to look at again – ironic, I know. Mum was of course down to get out all the albums – she never went digital, she doesn’t like not having physical albums to look through – so we dragged a bunch of them down and sat around the table to look. The first one was normal, just a family holiday to Florida when I was sixteen, but as we started going through the older albums I noticed there were pictures of me missing that I know for a fact existed. They were just gone, and then there were others where I knew I should be there but I wasn’t. And Mum didn’t think anything was strange! There was one picture, I remember it so clearly because we almost got into a big fight about it, and it was of my brother dressed as Spider Man on Halloween. I distinctly remember that night because I was dressed as the Pink Power Ranger and the costume was uncomfortable as hell, so I know I was there. I know I was in that picture, because it was such a ridiculous picture, the two of us in full bodied costumes like that, and I finally mentioned to my mum that I should be in there. Not aggressively or anything, just oh, I could have sworn I was in that one!, and she denied it and I insisted and she kept saying no, she was sure it was just George in that picture, but then I pointed out that George had his arm out in mid-air like it should be around someone. It was clearly around my shoulders. The height was right, his fingers were slightly curled like they were pressing in to my arm. Mum just looked for a moment, and I thought, briefly, that she might finally see it – but then she just said George was doing a Spider Man pose, like shooting a web from his wrist or something, and I just… I don’t even know. I just felt so hopeless, I almost cried. I was sure, so sure! Mum’s always taken photos, even now – every holiday, every event, even just going over for Sunday dinner. She’s told me several times I loved being in front of the camera as a kid, so I know there must have been way more pictures of me than that. Mum just didn’t get what I was on about, though, so I gave up in the end. There was no use fighting. What could I say?

Well, that was when I went to the doctor. I’ve already outlined how useless that was. Nothing wrong with me at all, apparently, but I’m sure most of them weren’t really taking me seriously. I was told it couldn’t be all my memories, and that photographs didn’t just vanish. I was seconds away from getting referred to a psychiatrist when I decided I would be better off shutting up about it. I’m not—I don’t think this is mental illness. I’ve looked it up so many times and I’ve read about people being delusional, you know, not believing they’re the ones in the picture, or that other people in the picture have been replaced, but that’s not what’s happening here. I haven’t read anything about like what’s happening to me. Nobody is out there saying they’re forgetting their entire childhood, birth to eighteen, and the pictures are vanishing along with it. There is something else going on here but I don’t know what. I’ve never done anything to deserve this, I’ve never messed around with anything I shouldn’t. If this is something like—like what you people investigate, I do not know when I would have come across it. I don’t even know what I mean by this. It seems ridiculous to even consider that it could be a ghost, or a curse, or—or God knows what.

A few weeks after this I went to Mum’s again, and one of the photo albums was still out. I looked through it and I was gone from every single picture. I was not there at all. Even the ones I saw only recently, I was gone from them. Just George on his own, and in the spaces where pictures of just me should be, other photos had replaced them. Just scenery shots, or views from the hotel balcony, or Christmas decorations and piles of presents, or spreads of holiday food. Nothing Mum would put in there herself. She likes to preserve the details, but her albums are for people. Her photos in the albums always have people or pets in them. I showed her, pretending it was just out of interest, but she seemed to not know what I meant. “I’ve always accessorised”, was what she said. Something about context, making it a pretty spread, keeping all the themes together. I don’t know. It was nothing that Mum would say, anyway. She was always so militant about it – at least up until recently.

I walked around the house a bit and of course I was gone from the rest of the pictures, too. My school photos were all gone, and all the framed pictures on bedside tables or shelves showed just my brother, or more scenery. There was one picture of the rose bush in the garden and I knew for a fact I was supposed to be standing in front of it, because it was my prom picture and I was wearing a dress the exact same shade of red as the roses, and Mum wanted to get a picture of me standing in front of it to show off the perfect colour match. There was just the rose bush, and even when I picked up the frame and looked closely at the picture, I could see no signs that it had ever been anything but. I wondered why it was still there, because pictures of just me usually vanished and got replaced by something else entirely, but then I saw in the corner, almost hidden by the frame, the faintest pink blur of part of my mother’s finger. Is that all it takes? Is one blurry finger worth more than my entire being? I don’t understand what’s going on!

I think… I think I could deal with it easier, if it wasn’t for the fact that everybody seems to think nothing is wrong. If it was just one of those weird things, I think I could live with it if my parents and brother were also with me on it, knowing it was weird, being concerned. I’ve looked everywhere and they’re all gone, all the photos, in every relative’s house and on Facebook. The earliest ones I can find are on my eighteenth birthday party. Everything before that is gone. I don’t remember anything. It’s like I materialised at age eighteen and there was nothing before that; I don’t even really know who I am anymore. I can’t know, because all the steps I took to get here are gone, and everything I learned about my family and friends as I grew up alongside them has vanished. I feel completely… completely detached, completely adrift, and I don’t know if I’m being paranoid but it just feels like there’s a little less of me every day. It’s like I spent eighteen years building up, and now I’m just… fading away.

I don’t know what to do.

ARCHIVIST

Statement ends.

This is a fairly straightforward one to follow up. There isn’t really much to say. On the surface it does very much seem like a case for a doctor rather than the Institute, but some things do seem to back up part of the story, at least. Attempts to get in contact with Ms Harper were unsuccessful, as it seems she does not exist. There are a couple of records here and there of a Ms Harper matching the age and occupation that she provided with her statement, but when Tim contacted the workplaces involved, nobody could recall her. As for anything else – records such as a birth or death certificate, a driver’s license – there is nothing. Of course, she could have provided a fake name, but Tim managed to get in touch with George Harper, Ms Harper’s younger brother, and confirmed it was the same George Harper by asking a few questions about his childhood. He recalled several holidays and weddings that Ms Harper mentioned, though he mentioned nothing about a sister. When questioned about siblings, he was adamant he had never had one, and had grown up an only child. I’m not entirely sure how he did it, and nor am I inclined to want to know, but Tim managed to persuade Mr Harper to give him the contact information for his parents. Both stated that they had only one child – a son. The only Jasmine in the family seems to be Mrs Harper’s pet pug dog; apparently, Mrs Harper “always liked the name”, but had never had the chance to use it.

Unfortunately, there doesn’t seem to be much more we can do regarding this one.

End recording.

#tma #statement prompts #my writing #fakements #long post #anon #asks

[nixianamorgenstern]

"You're too young for that now, do it in college" "You can wear these dresses in college" "School is the best time of your life"

Just how many times have we all heard something along these lines to have more 'fun' later when in highschool or college. But where is all that now? Where are all the incredible friendships that were suppsed to happen in highschool? Where are all those memorable moment of school life to kids of today? Where are all those lifelong relationships that starts in college? Just what exactly can we achieve as human beings sitting in our houses?

It has taken away our lives, our childhood, our peace of mind and our exposure. There are international education programs happening through a screen and concerts through Zoom and Facebook lives. This isn't how humans are meant to function. It has taken away the mere opportunity of breaking out of their shell for millions of youngsters and I am desperate for people to see it and do something. Just how will a boy learn teamspirit if he's taught to do group projects by co-ordinating and doing your share of work on a group chat? Just how will a girl, in this terrible terrorizing world, learn how to stand for herself if the only scary interactions she's having is her teachers for late submissions? How exactly do all the people who are fighting who they are supposed to make a stand living in their shells when they cannot even connect to other kindred spirits other than electronic media?

As an introvert who was always hesitating to take a daunting step to be bold alone, it took me hell of a push from my seniors and peers to make me put myself out in the world. Because I was in college, I was in that one place that shapes who you are, who you could be. And then suddenly in a whirlwind so unexpected we were all split apart and thrown back in the places we come from. Ofcourse, for some people it was the much needed break and a heavy awaited reunions with their families. But for me? I was forced to face everything that I have to run away from on a daily basis. I was forced to live with a dysfunctional family who don't even know what kind of a person I was, my ambitions, the things that make me happy. Maybe I was expecting too much, but I wasn't even allowed to keep by myself but forced to open up to be a 'better family'. Which just ended up in me nestled so deep in my comfort zone I don't even know how to reach out to get out of it.

So many people went through terrible times these 18months of this virus spread and more than half of it wasn't because of someone getting the virus. This lockdown makes people feel so isolated, so very lonely and so disconnected from reality. I mean what even is reality anymore? I see my little cousin just close the zoom call because it looked fun and run out of the room where he's supposed to take classes. I'm seeing adults work endlessly, with no breaks and no limits of what is down time and what isn't. People are glad to have had family time, but are also getting fed up of seeing the same faces everyday.

I don't know about the adults, nor about the children, but as a young adult stepping into this world which suddenly seems so much more daunting and complicated it really does feel very lonely. I miss the comfort we had with friends, not just hugs and laughter, but the silent presence, the advice we always could go to, the tired smiles we always carried, our rotten humor and the easy intimacy. I miss my life. I crave, like millions others, to just have a very human life.

#loneliness #i hate covid #comfort #dysfunctional family #ihatecovid #IFUCKINGHATECOVID

[randomoranges]

sometimes my life is an actual sitcom. i wish i could say i made this stuff up, but now, i legit met a guy while selling a shoe rack who came back to chat me up post sale bcs he thought i was pretty. he then proceeded to tell me a million times in one hr and has since been very over the top about being into me. as much as it’s nice to have attention u also gotta pace yourself. hes so over the top it’s ridiculous and also getting more annoying.

also never fucking send ppl semi nude photos unprompted wtf is wrong with yall.

anyways i live vicariously through teacher au and use real life shit to put the characters through the same thing. today i vibed with edward. 

this takes place before he and étienne are together

this is a blurb. i just needed to get a thought out of my system

edwards answers are legit what i wrote

the gag of all of edwards exes having names that start with c continues XD

Unsolicited

 Edward knows he technically shouldn’t, but he’s bored at work and for once, the kids are actually quietly doing their own thing. He decides against his better judgement to open Facebook and scroll aimlessly for a moment or two, while time goes on. It’ll give him a chance to see what exciting lives the rest of his friends are living and envy those who aren’t stuck at work.

 He quickly notices a red little number up on the top right corner to signal that he has one unopened conversation and for a moment, he wonders which of his friends would have messaged him. There hadn’t really been any ongoing chats at the moment, so he’s pleasantly surprised and looking forward to hearing from his friends.

 He’s only a little disappointed when he sees that it’s not from any of his friends, but instead from a guy he’d met just last Friday in the most strangest of ways. (His friend had hosted a garage sale and had asked for help. Edward had gone. He’d brought along some of his own stuff. This one man – Charles – had bought his old wooden shoe rack. Charles had chatted Edward up. They’d exchanged contact information and had more or less chatted since then. It was a strange way to meet someone – but, not the strangest.)

 Charles is – cute and they had a pleasant chat. Edward certainly hadn’t minded the attention, even if it had come from out of nowhere. He’d been looking forward to meeting up with him again, but as the days had gone on and their conversations had progressed, he’d found himself slowly losing a bit of interest over Charles’ over-eagerness.

 There were just so many times Charles could say he thought Edward was attractive in an hour before it got redundant and annoying.

 Edward was flattered Charles was interested in him, but Edward didn’t want to rush this either. He’d just gotten out of a serious relationship and with the end of the school year looming close, he had other things to deal with. Once summer break arrived, he would have more time and more energy. In the meantime, however, he didn’t need this stranger he barely knew to wax poetics and tell him he wished to wake up beside him to see how he woke up – or whatever garbage he’d been told. Edward was willing to give this a go, but he wasn’t looking to settle down and get married with Charles after knowing him for three days and it quite honestly felt as though Charles had already booked their venue at times.

 He was – over the top and intense. Edward had appreciated the fact that Charles had told him he’d found him attractive when he’d first seen him and he liked that he had actually returned to chat him up. It had been a little weird when Charles had called him his beloved and stranger still when he’d apologised from taking up his time and keeping him away from his friends when they’d talked that first time, but Edward had let it slide and had almost found it charming – in its own bizarre way.

 Now, it feels as though Charles is trying too hard, when really he doesn’t have to. Edward thought he was attractive, had even told him so and was more than willing to see where this would lead. but if However, if Charles doesn’t slow down, Edward will back out and move on. (Which reminds him – there’d been that whole other conversation where Charles had told him that he looked forward to living their lives together and that he didn’t want to lose him. To which Edward had politely told him that it would be best to get to know each other first.)

 Edward wants some fun – not some intense long-term lovey-dovey besotted nonsense. At least – not after three days of talking with the man.

 Still, he opens the conversation, curiosity, and boredom getting the best of him, and at first, it’s nice, until Charles asks him if he could have a photo. Edward lets out a long-suffering sigh and is glad his students are too busy with their work to notice.

 Charles has asked to send him a photo right now, of all things.

 Edward is so not in the mood for any of this.

 “No. I’m in class teaching. My students are taking a test.” He writes out. He doesn’t care if he comes across as annoyed, but this man is being irksome in his own infatuated way and it’s – pathetic. He likes the attention, to a degree, he enjoys feeling wanted, but Charles needs to calm down his ardours.

 He leaves it at that and doesn’t bother with Charles for the rest of the day.

 By the time Edward’s done, he heads to his car and figures he’ll check again to see if he’s gotten a new message. There is still part of him that is curious about this whole ordeal and so he’s a little bit pleased when he sees that Charles has sent him a few messages after their last chat.

 He’s less enthused when he gets to the last one.

 The first was in regards to the whole photo debacle, saying maybe next time. The second mentioned that he was going for a jog. And the last message – the kicker really, was a photo Charles had sent of himself, shirtless and thankfully from the waist up.

 And to think Edward had nearly sent him a post-work exhausted face selfie for the fun of it.

 He grumbles, puts his phone away, and figures he’ll deal with it when he gets home.

 It’s not that he necessarily minded the photo – he did find the guy attractive to a point, but – it had been unprompted. Unsolicited. He hadn’t asked for a photo. He hadn’t been expecting a shirtless photo. He wasn’t in the current mood to receive such a photo. He could have been at school on break and gotten this photo.

 He’s angry and annoyed by the time he gets home.

 Edward putters around and leaves Charles on read. It’s one thing going after sex and expecting these photos and it’s another to get them out of the blues. He lets his friends know of this debacle and relishes in their reactions. He’s glad someone gets it.

 Finally, after making dinner, playing a few rounds of video games, taking a shower, getting his lunch ready for the following day, and having a nice chat with his friends, he decides to answer Charles.

 “Even if a photo of a woman, man, or person shirtless may be nice to receive, it’s always better to send it with consent and with fair warning. Especially when you’re not expecting one and that with my work, there are often children nearby.”

 He doesn’t expect an answer so quickly, especially since it’s been five hours since the photo was sent, but Charles, true to form, answers. Edward laughs out loud when he reads how very sorry Charles is and how he genuinely thought Edward would appreciate it. Edward sighs again and groans, passing a hand through his hair.

 He tries to find a polite way of trying to get this man to understand and he’s only a little surprised by how easily the words come to him, “There’s a time and place for everything. You don’t send these types of photos willy-nilly whenever you feel like it. There’s context, time, mood, etc. Consent and fair-warning. Imagine you were sitting with your family, friends, or kids and you received such a photo without warning. You can’t assume that the person on the other side is in an appropriate setting to receive these types of messages and images without checking beforehand.”

 It’s at times like these he wishes men could be less – like this. He likes a good shirtless photo just like anyone else who’s into men, but he hates that this seems to be a norm. And at least this was only a shirtless photo! He doesn’t want to think of the number of times when he was having a nice conversation about literally anything unrelated to the human body, only to find himself with a photo of a man’s junk, completely unprompted.

 Sometimes, he almost wishes he were into women just to be spared this.

 Edward figures he’s given Charles enough etiquette lessons for the night and puts his phone away. He pulls up something decent to watch on television and does his best to forget about the incident for now. If anything, he reminds himself, he doesn’t need to commit to anything with this besotted Romeo.

 FIN

#teacher au #pc: edmonton #edward murphy #au #fic

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #458

“i was unprepared for fame, then everybody knew my name”

What does your doormat say? I... actually am not sure. I don't pay any attention. What do you order from most sit down restaurants? Chicken tenders are my go-to safe option, ha ha. Or shrimp. Who was the last person you talked about love/relationships with? Sara. I wanted her advice. Where was the last place you thought about having sex, other than your bed? This was way too long ago, dude. Do you remember the last time you went against someone’s advice? Very recently. :x What day would you consider the best day of your life? Why? Idk, really. Would you say you’re too experienced or too unexperienced for your age? I am embarrassingly unexperienced. What is your favorite neon color? Ever buy nail polish that color? Hot pink. I don't care for nail polish. Has anyone ever mistaken you to be a member of the opposite sex? No. What is the greatest source of happiness in your life? Uhhhh... What was the last charity/cause you donated to? Children With Hair Loss, when I cut a shitload of my hair off for the style I have now. Getting that certificate that my hair was used is to this day one of the warmest feelings I've ever experienced. Who was the last person you got a handwritten letter from? Sara. What is something you know very little about? Economics. Have any of your worst fears ever come true? Yes. I lost Jason. Is anyone in your family divorced? My parents, three of my siblings (all have since gotten remarried and are very happy<3), and I'm sure more distant relatives, too. Does your family go ‘all out’ during the holidays? No. How often in a year do you go to the mall to get new clothes? Pretty much never. Who was the last person to call you beautiful? What was your reaction? Someone on Facebook when I updated my profile pic, probably. I was very flattered, of course. As someone with a SHIT self-image, it means a lot to me. Do you ever get paranoid about who your significant other hangs out with? I'm single, but hypothetically, nope. Did you ever call any teachers by their first name? Who? Some, but only because they preferred it. I don't remember all of them, other than it was common in college. Do you blow-dry, towel-dry or air-dry your hair? Towel-dry and best I can first, then let it air-dry. Have you ever wanted to be in a band? ... One of the reasons I chose to go to actual school instead of homeschooling when I started HS was because I liked the thought of making actual friends and maybe being a guitarist if any wanted to start bands lmao. What is your favorite flavor of gum? Watermelon, probs. Are you a good leader? lol no Would you ever go bear hunting? I'm strictly opposed to hunting for sport, but even if I wasn't, I would NOT be going after bears. Have you ever picked flowers out of someone else’s garden without asking? Wow, no. Have you ever won money by entering a contest/raffle? No. Who is your favorite philosopher? I don't have one. What restaurant would you choose to go to for breakfast? I'm a v basic bitch and love me some Waffle House lmfao. How much money do you think you cost your parents? I. Don't. Want. To. Know. With so much medical stuff... holy shit. Do you eat any meat other than turkey on Thanksgiving? I eat spiral ham, because I don't like turkey in that form. Does your cat give you kitty kisses? Yes. :') Have you ever lost anyone close to cancer? Close, no. My mom was a close call, though... Her cancer was very, very close to being stage 4. Have you ever been to a waterpark? Yeah, as a kiddo. Describe the person you like/love in one word: Hilarious. Do you enjoy creative writing? Hell yeah man. If so, what things do you like writing about the most? Meerkats in a fantasy setting. Do you own any windchimes? Yes. Mom has one, I believe. Have you ever been known for something extremely negative? No. Would you say you’ve made a lot of people proud? Hell no. Have you ever been in a relationship with someone for over a year? Twice. Do you still have feelings for any of your exes? I think I've made that abundantly obvious in the past few surveys lmao. Does your birth name mean anything in another language or sense? It just means "of Britain." I wish my name had better meaning, lol. What is your favorite desert? THE KALAHARI because MEERKATS!!!!!!!!!!! :') Have you ever been called a good kisser? Well not directly, but no one's ever complained? Have you ever stepped on a bee? No. Who is your newest friend? Hmmm... I haven't made a new friend in a very long time. Tell me something about yourself that you don’t normally tell people. I'm an RPer. The last song you heard, what does it make you think of? That I wish I was NEARLY as hot as her lmao. What do you like about your birthday? We go out to eat wherever I want, yum. The person you’re thinking about - what are you thinking about them? That he needs to mESSAGE ME BACK Are you currently sick at all? No. Has anyone ever asked for your autograph? Er, no. What’s one subject that makes you feel uncomfortable? Sex. Who did you last send a friend request to? Idk. What candy makes your face pucker? None that I've tried. I handle sour treats very well. Do you believe that the number 13 is unlucky? No. Do you know any marines? Jason's dad was one. What’s your favorite Halloween movie? Hocus Pocus. :') Do you know anyone who does a lot of pills? I guess me, but they're prescription pills, and I don't abuse them. Mom has a lot, too. Who’s your favorite rapper? And your favorite song by this rapper? Eminem. Either "Love the Way You Lie" or "Space Bound." Has anyone ever made a promise to you that they’d change? Who? No. Have you ever had the cops called on you? For what? Nope. What race do you see the most in your neighborhood? African American. Have you ever walked in on someone accidentally while they were nude? No, I don't think so. Have you ever wanted to get your monroe pierced? Nah, it'd look weird on me. Do you own anything that involves Betty Boop? Nope. Can you remember the last song you listened to? Yeah; I'm listening to Lauren Babic and Halocene's cover of Linkin Park's "Bleed It Out" right now. What is your favourite flavour of Skittles? The sour ones!! Red was always my favorite. Who taught you how to ride a bike? My dad. Who of the opposite sex has seen you at your worst? Girt. Jason is a very close second, but Girt... he saw me at rock fucking bottom. He just showed up at the hospital unannounced after my suicide attempt (he knew because yay for writing a stupid fucking suicide note on Facebook) to help comfort me. He saw me dead to the fucking world and just done with everything. When’s the last time you were on the phone after 2 AM? Wow... probably not since a few days before the aforementioned suicide attempt and I called Jason's landline, desperate to talk to him. His mom picked up and talked to me for like two whole fucking hours. I'm tearing up pretty bad just remembering it, seeing as she's dead now... She cared for me so much. I miss her so, so much. Enough of this question, I'm about to start sobbing. :x What would you do if your best friend got an abortion? Honestly? Be relieved. I really don't think her body could handle pregnancy. What would you do if your father left your mother? That happened, and I hated him for years. What would you do if your bf/gf’s face became mutilated in an accident? Love them all the same. I don't care about appearances. What is the weirdest thing you have ever seen in your life? *shrug* Have you ever dated two different people with the same name? No. That would be so weird. What are you deathly afraid of? Pregnancy. Internal parasites. Which unborn babies technically are. Do you know anyone who’s addicted to drugs and, if so, are you friends with them? I know many potheads, and one I'm pretty close with. Have you ever owned a golf cart before and, if so, what color was it? No. Do you have a sibling who’s a complete deadbeat and, if so, which sibling is it? Definitely not. All my siblings are hard workers that have dreams and aspirations they're either working towards or have achieved. Do you own the new Guitar Hero and, if so, what’s your favorite song on it? I have no clue what the newest one is. My favorite song to play in any of the games though is The Eagles' "Hotel California." It just feels good to play, and the ending solo fuckin' slams. Have you ever done anything dangerous enough to have risked your life? An overdose on cold medicine. What was the most length you’ve ever cut off your hair and why did you cut it? 8+ inches because I no longer wanted long hair. Have you ever overcome a disease that was life-threatening and, if so, which one? No.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''ordinary man'' by ozzy osbourne

[devinetheory-2]

I found this unnervingly accurate and fascinating.

Things Narcissists Do When They Think No One Is Looking ..

1 – Go through your personal things

2 – Create numerous dating profiles

3 – Try to get in touch with their exes on social media

4 – Visit websites of very dubious merit. KIK Skype etc.

5 – Try to turn your family and friends against you

6 – Plant spyware on your devices or install hidden cameras etc.

7 – Sabotage your finances

8 – Spy on you

9 – Flirt with your best friend (or even your adult children)

10 – Plan secret rendezvous with their side-supply

11 – Hoover old sources of supply (a.k.a., their exes)

12 – Pave the way for their next relationship

If you’ve been in a relationship with someone you suspect is a narcissist, there has likely come a time when you developed a burning desire to know the things narcissists do when they’re by themselves.

If we’re to be sophisticated about it, we must consider that like other citizens of society, they engage in activities that are conducive to maintaining a certain level of livelihood.  Things like going to work, having their cars serviced, and going to doctor’s appointments.

But apart from those harmless undertakings, things turn rather bleak.

Narcissists rarely ever admit to it, but all your worst fears regarding your relationship are playing out just underneath the radar of your awareness.

You know that ever-present, vague sense of dread you have in the pit of your stomach, wondering if they’re lying or telling the truth?  That’s your intuition, which can cause physical sensations in the body.

Our “gut feelings” are called that for a reason — research suggests that emotion and intuition are very much rooted in the “second brain” in the gut.  In fact, Michael Gershon, professor and chair of pathology and cell biology at Columbia, says, “The gut can work independently of any control by the brain in your head—it’s functioning as a second brain.  It’s another independent center of integrative neural activity”.

But don’t take my word for it.  You can read all about it on Psychology Today in an article titled, Your Backup Brain.

My job here is to give you a breakdown of what the narcissist in your life – employing very specific techniques of psychological depravity – does when they think no one is looking. Hidden secrets that would literally bring you to your knees…

Here, I map out thirteen of the most common things narcissists do when they think no one is looking.  The possibilities on this topic are endless, but the following is a sampling of the ones I’m most familiar with, some of which I personally experienced. 

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Things Narcissists Do When They Think No One Is Looking ..

1 – Go through your personal things

Narcissists are constantly doing things that they will eventually be confronted with.  Therefore, they spend inordinate amounts of time trying to dig up the most minuscule piece of incriminating evidence against you so that they will have ammunition when they are finally caught.

Many times, what they find “incriminating” is just a figment of their imagination or something entirely fabricated.  For example, I used to work in the banking industry for years before I left to become a teacher and, later, to create this space for narcissistic abuse recovery.

As a bank employee, I wore suits which required me to wear pantyhose.  One day, I accidentally tore a hole in a pair of them and discarded them in the trash.  My ex, during his regular “dirt diving” practice, found them and confronted me with them, accusing me of having been unfaithful.

Of course, he was entirely wrong, but you can probably imagine how it turned out.

Long story short, narcissists engage in sneaky, underhanded behaviors every day. In many cases, they think other people are like them, but just better at hiding it.  In others, they simply want to have something to throw in your face when you discover they’re still doing ‘that thing’ they promised you they would stop doing.

A general exception to this shady practice is the cerebral narcissist, who uses their intelligence to lord over others.  They think most people are simpletons who don’t have anything interesting going on in their lives, except, of course, other academics and scholars whom the cerebral narcissist is insanely jealous of.

2 – Create numerous dating profiles

Not all narcissists cheat, but most of them do.  The ones who don’t tend to be of the “cerebral” ilk and simply do not enjoy having intimate relations with other people.

But if the narcissist you know is attractive, extroverted, and likes being the center of attention, it is very likely they are doing things you would be horrified to learn about.

To the narcissist, seducing people is another tool for manipulation, control, exploitation, and destroying the self-esteem of their partner(s).  In most cases, there’s serial cheating, withholding affection, degrading requests, verbal assaults, and addiction to off-color websites.

Or, on the opposite end of the spectrum, they’re so skilled in the bedroom that their partners often stay in the abusive relationship because they’ve never had it so good, which creates a twisted dynamic leading to self-loathing, guilt, and shame.

At any rate, narcissists have a track record of being serial cheaters.  This explains why they generally have their cell phones on lockdown, leave the room when certain calls come in, and are oddly obsessed with a text exchange as you’re sitting down to dinner during your anniversary.

If you’ve caught them doing this, don’t be fooled by their seeming attempt to earn back your trust.  It doesn’t matter if they let you go through their phone if they’ve secured a secret line behind your back.

If it feels weird, you’re probably onto something.  Don’t ignore your gut on this one.

3 – Try to get in touch with their exes on social media

Imagine this scenario.  You’re sitting at your work desk and decide to call your partner (whom you suspect is a narcissist) to check in and get a feel for how things are going.  They seem fairly friendly and the two of you make plans for dinner and a movie that night.  You hang up feeling relieved and begin to think your recent arguments were probably just normal relationship issues.  You feel slightly elated thinking about how the evening will unfold.

The narcissist, however, hangs up and goes back to liking their ex’s Facebook and Instagram photos.  The two of you have been arguing a lot lately (due to their relationship crimes), so they have to line up another source or two of narcissistic supply to have as a backup for when you finally come to your senses and give them the much-needed boot.

Moral of the story?  Never trust that the narcissist will be a decent person.  Ever.

4 – Visit websites of very dubious merit.

Webcam sites, porn, KiK, Snapchat, Tubmblr etc.

Since the media powers-that-be are now filtering and blocking certain terms and phrases, I am unable to express the exact terminology I’d like to use here, but, suffice it to say that many narcissists, when alone, spend hours on various websites of very dubious merit.

Sites that would break your heart and devastate you for weeks on end if you’re in a romantic relationship with them.

If you have discovered your narcissistic partner has been visiting such sites, you can bet with 99% certainty that he or she also has online dating profiles and is probably hooking up with other people behind your back.  At the very least, they are likely engaging in things via the internet with people they’ve met online that would make you feel unwell.

5 – Try to turn your family and friends against you

Contrary to popular belief, the narcissist’s smear campaign doesn’t begin just after your breakup.  In many cases, it’s been alive and well for some time.  You just weren’t aware of it.

The reason everyone now runs in the opposite direction from you or, at the very least, looks at you with a raised eyebrow, is that the narcissist has been smearing your reputation since before the relationship even ended.  The two main reasons for this are:

All relationships are doomed in the narcissist’s mind and they want to get a running start on assassinating your character.

They assume you will vent to people in your shared social circle and want to ensure they cut you off at the pass so you will look unstable when you muster the courage to start talking about your experiences.

These actions are to preserve the false image they’ve portrayed all along.  Unfortunately, they’re often very successful at doing this.  If your friends or family have suddenly started pulling back or questioning your judgement, the narcissist has likely planted the seeds of doubt in their minds.  If they openly side with the narcissist when you begin sharing your relationship struggles, it’s time to start whittling down your inner circle.

6 – Plant spyware on your devices or install hidden cameras in your shared residence

This can happen a few different ways.

If you’re dealing with a narcissist, don’t assume they aren’t smart enough to track you using your devices.  I’ve seen this assumption come crashing down around people’s ankles more times than I’d like to admit.

One common method that abusers use to legally track you is by using the geolocation services built into all smartphones; if you know, or can guess, the password to someone’s cloud account, you can follow their movements via the software designed to find lost or stolen phones that comes installed on many devices.   Many times, the abuser sets up a cloud account for the person they want to track, giving them full access to their target’s location at any moment.

If you suspect you’re dealing with a narcissist, don’t accept a phone from them that they’ve set up for you using their cellular account.  If you do, you can assume they’ve set it up to track you.

Another way abusers can keep tabs on you is by installing spyware on your electronic devices.  Some of these spyware can be installed remotely.  It’s somewhat more difficult to install spyware this way than it used to be, but it still happens.

Most spyware is designed to track not only your location but also monitor your calls, voicemails, texts, and emails – and even watch you using the camera on your device.

7 – Sabotage your finances

I’ve lost count of the number of people I’ve worked with in my coaching practice who’ve been financially devastated because they gave in to the narcissist’s seemingly genuine requests to give them access to their accounts.make you feel unwell.

They may have loaned you money or paid for a big-ticket item at some point to make you believe they are generous, but it was only to instill in you a sense of obligation in preparation for the debilitating shaft you’d get from them later.

Another scheme that falls into this category is their asking for your support while they are unemployed. These schemes are all designed to “break the seal” in the area of financial matters so they can take shocking liberties later, such as:

Getting loans in your name

Taking out a second mortgage on your home without your knowledge

Not paying IRS taxes, resulting in your possible confinement in jail

Expecting you to pay for everything while they save their own money for themselves

Forcing you to get all the utilities and insurances in your name so you’ll have to pay for them all

…and so on and so forth.

If you’ve been having problems in your relationship and believe your partner is a narcissist, it would be in your best interest to avoid mingling your finances in any way.  If you already have, start a secret account and begin adding money to it whenever you can.  Have your statements delivered to a family member’s address.

Prevent narcissistic financial abuse early by stashing away money when you can and refusing to put your name on any legal documents with them.

8 – Spy on you

We already covered spyware and tracking apps that narcissistic abusers can use to keep tabs on your whereabouts in #6.

However, many narcissists will literally stalk you so they can see what you do when they’re not with you.

While legal definitions of stalking vary from one jurisdiction to another, a good working definition of stalking is unwanted or obsessive attention by an individual toward another person through the carrying out of behaviors intended to frighten, distress the victim, and/or instill a sense of guilt and hopelessness in the victim (which often leads to learned helplessness).  Stalking behaviors are related to harassment and intimidation and usually include following the victim (in person) and monitoring them.

According to Lamber Royakkers, author of The Dutch Approach to Stalking Laws (California Criminal Law Review 3, October 2000):

“Stalking is a form of mental assault, in which the perpetrator repeatedly, unwantedly, and disruptively breaks into the life-world of the victim, with whom they have a current relationship or a recent one. Moreover, the separated acts that make up the intrusion cannot by themselves cause the mental abuse, but do taken together (cumulative effect).”

Disruptions in daily life that are necessary to escape a stalker can include changes in employment, residence, and phone numbers.   Many targets of stalking have had to move to another country and basically go into hiding.

Many of my coaching clients have been stalked by their narcissistic partners.  Stalking behaviors carried out by narcissists can include:

Constant texts, emails, and phone calls

Frequent, unwanted deliveries of gifts, cards, and flowers

Constantly driving by your home

Showing up at your place of employment or favorite hangout

Spreading rumors or publishing personal information about you on social media

Cyberstalking

Using social media to follow and friend your social media followers and friends in order to keep an eye on you

Installing spyware on your computer or cell phone

Finding out about you by using public records or online search services, hiring investigators, going through your garbage, or contacting friends, family, neighbors, or co-workers

Using technology, like hidden cameras or global positioning systems (GPS), to track where you go

Threatening to hurt you, your family, friends, or pets

Stalking is often mistaken as hoovering in that once a source of supply expresses a desire to end the relationship, the narcissist refuses to give up their power by forcing themselves into the victim’s world through harassing, following, and monitoring.

Stalking is a common behavior of narcissists when a source of supply tries to initiate No Contact.  When stalking begins, the victim typically has a clearer picture of what kind of person the narcissist is…which is why they want to go No Contact in the first place.

If you believe you are being stalked, you should avoid downplaying the issue as it will only get worse over time.  You may have to take protective measures to secure your sense of peace, privacy, and security.

9 – Flirt with your best friend (or even your adult children)

When it comes to narcissistic cheaters, no one is off-limits.  In fact, narcissists often derive a twisted sense of accomplishment if they can get your loved one interested in them, like your best friend or adult child.

So, imagine you’re at work and it’s the narcissist’s day off.  You think everything is relatively calm and feel a spark of emotional safety.  Then, you get a call from your best friend and they give you the very unsettling news that the narcissist has made a pass at them.

If you’re best friend is truly loyal, they will tell you about this the moment it happens.

But in some cases, the flirting continues while remaining a secret.  Maybe your friend has experienced a string of failed relationships.  Or they’ve recently gone through a difficult divorce.  Vulnerability makes a person a prime target in the narcissist’s mind and this may well include your best friend.

My best advice?  Never trust the narcissist alone with your friends or family members.

10 – Plan secret rendezvous with their side-supply

Speaking in very general terms, when a narcissist has an out-of-town trip planned, whether for work or for their third cousin’s wedding, there is a strong likelihood that they will meet their side supply there or even take him or her with them.

Narcissists are creatures of economy and rarely pass up an opportunity to groom supply.  In fact, the narcissist could well be dubbed The Constant Gardner because they are perpetually trolling for and grooming new targets, even though they always have a main source of narcissistic supply.  Furthermore, they are continuously ending relationships for various reasons, especially with those who require a lot of “maintenance” (i.e. normal human interactions) or have stopped giving them money or other fringe benefits.  Therefore, they must fill in the gaps left by those they’ve discarded by securing new supply sources.

Those work trips the narcissist always goes on?  They could very well be genuine, but don’t be surprised when the new supply calls you, asking who you are and what you’re doing calling the narcissist!

11 – Hoover old sources of supply (a.k.a., their exes)

Narcissists typically don’t let go of their exes completely (unless their exes completely let go of them).  They’ve been known to contact old flames out of the blue, sometimes as long as ten years post-breakup!

Not all narcissists do this, but most do.  When a person has passed the litmus test for being “good supply”, narcissists literally can’t help themselves and will often reach out in an attempt to resurrect old relationships (albeit, one-sided ones).

This explains why you may have noticed how the narcissist in your life likes to remain “friends” with their exes or wants you to be friends after your relationship has ended.

It gives them an ‘in’ if they ever need to cycle back around.

12 – Pave the way for their next relationship

You’ve probably read a hundred times how narcissists leave relationships and then swan dive right into a new one.

Maybe this happened in the aftermath of your own relationship with a narcissist.

The main reason this happens is because narcissists don’t bond with people.  Not romantically, not traumatically (at least, not for them), nor matrimonially.  We from these bonds with narcissists, but they are not able to form emotional bonds with us due to their true lack of empathy and inability to attach to others.

Another reason narcissists are able to form relationships so quickly is that, any many cases, the relationship isn’t so new.  If you’ll remember from earlier, narcissists are always combing for fresh sources of narcissistic supply.  Because of this, most narcissists are perpetually in various stages of relationship with other people, from the shiny, newbie supply to those who are enduring varying levels of the narcissistic abuse cycle.

Therefore, when they showcase the new supply on their social media accounts, it’s usually not someone they’ve just met, though narcissists are often very skilled in making it appear so.

13 – Emotional abuse of partners and spouses

If you’ve ended a romantic relationship with a narcissist, you probably saw them out and about, loving up on the new partner and seemingly having the best time of their life.  You see them flashing an engagement ring on social media and sending out ‘save the date’ notifications, broadcasting how silly in love they are and giggling about how they feel like a couple of teenagers.

Your first reaction might be to (stunningly) wonder what this new person has that you don’t.  Just maybe, the narcissist had been right about you all along.  Perhaps you really ARE the reason your relationship with them didn’t work out.

Then, you feel completely disabled by the seeming about-face the narcissist has made with the new supply, sending you into a depression so deep you can barely get through the day.

This is just another phase of the narcissistic abuse cycle and applies to you the same as it does everyone else.  The narcissist you know is no different from the others.  As personal and unique as it all may feel, it’s just another blueprint narcissistic manipulation.

When you see this happening, it’s crucial not to take it personally.  This is one of the narcissist’s favorite times, when they are love-bombing new supply while simultaneously making you feel like discarded trash.  The narcissist can’t help but gloat over how they’re able to make you feel emotionally destroyed, left to pick up the pieces while they’re off living their life as though your history together means nothing.

What you’re not thinking about is how the new supply will be subject to the same emotional abuse that you’ve endured.  There are no exceptions to this.  Don’t listen to the new trend of so-called professional advice which states that narcissists are only abusive towards YOU because your personality is incompatible with theirs, which is on my list of ‘Stupid Sh*t Therapists Say’.

Narcissists are abusive towards everyone.  Regardless of status, ethnicity, intelligence, religious beliefs, or how tiny their waist is.  The new supply simply won’t be spared, unfortunately.

Dealing with a narcissist

Healing From the Trauma of Narcissistic Abuse

It’s absolutely crucial to come to terms with the unsettling things narcissists do when they think no one is looking so you can make educated decisions for your future and your wellbeing.

Don’t let yourself fall into a false sense of security because the narcissist knows what to say to soften your defenses and make you doubt your judgement.  Pay attention to patterns because patterns don’t lie.

With the right support, you’ll be shocked how amazing it feels when you can flourish on the other side of abuse and heal your life in ways you never

[ianfrancis-blog]

Hi! This is my first blog and I would like to share my adventurous journey about my life. Let’s start. My name is Ian Francis Maranan. I’ve been living for 20 years since the day I was born on the 25th of October, year 2000. I’m currently living in the city of Calamba, province of Laguna. When I was younger, I was an introvert. I don’t like interacting with anybody other than my family. Many people don’t know the truth about me, not even some of my friends.

I am the fifth and last son of my biological parents. Yes, I am an adopted child. It is because of an emotional turmoil that my family was going through that time. Truth is during the whole duration of me being inside my mother’s womb, every single family member didn’t know that she was conceiving me. They only discovered it when my godfather heard my cry as a baby. The pregnancy was not expected nor my birth because it was just recent when my brother was born. During that time, my biological mom is experiencing a psychological problem so she’s been emotionally unstable resulting to our family facing financially insecurity. For everybody, I am the miracle baby. Despite the challenge that my biological family, there is still hope.

I was adopted by the eldest sister of my biological mom who is my Mama Dorie. She is one of the many Overseas Filipino Workers in Macau. She is still single until now so I’m very sure that I am the only boy in her life. Though I was left here by Mama Dorie with my Lola, Mama Dorie and Mama Gloria’s mom, we never failed to communicate with each other. I am really blessed, right? I have three mothers, a father and four brothers.

For 11 years, my Lola took care of me and loved me. I was in grade 5 then, but I can still remember how dark my days when she died. I really miss her. I miss when she brings me to school and takes me home every single day. I miss her ways of disciplining me. I miss her every Sundays I go to mass because it reminds me of her wanting me to grow up as a child who is God fearing. But I’m still thankful I had her for 11 years of my life and I would treasure those times and memories with her.

After the death of my grandma, I was left in the custody of my Tita Delia until I graduated grade school. Tita Delia is a day care teacher and the mother of my best friend and cousin, Benok. I had been a consistent honor student then. With the help of my biological brother, who is a licensed teacher now, I excelled in my studies. He’d been very patient with me every day so I guess I had to give back through a bit of recognition in school.

I graduated in grade six as the second honorable mention or top four of our class. That time, my Tita Delia was supposed to be with me on graduation but I was surprised when Mama Dorie showed up on the day of my graduation ceremonies. I was still in shock Mama Dorie and I claimed my diploma and academic awards at the stage provided. But that doesn’t end there; Mama Dorie brought me to Macau and Hongkong as a graduation gift.

After that, I continued my journey at the city of Makati. Mama Dorie decided to send me to my godmother’s house to live and continue my studies because things were a bit complicated when Lola passed away and no one will take care of me. Not even my brother because he needed to focus in his work to support the needs and finances of my biological family. So, I started studying in Gen Pio Del Pilar National High school in Makati as a grade 7 junior high school student. At first, I was really nervous. Imagine; you have been some kind of an introvert for years than suddenly you are in a new place with no acquaintance. Scary, isn’t it?

In spite of my shyness, I tried my best to have some friends in school and luckily, I gained a lot of them and found that extrovert part of me. Every holiday, I visit Laguna to have some vacation. I finished junior high school in Makati city. I experienced facing challenges and sharing memories as a student and as a friend. Although junior high school wasn’t a paradise, I still had great memories. I’ve gained a group of true friends which was formed during grade nine and grown at grade ten. We named ourselves “team hoCage”. We thought it was funny when one of my friends pronounced hokage as hocage and so we laughed and decided to use the word as the name of the group. I will never forget those treasured bonding memories that I had with my friends. At the day of our moving up ceremony, I thought it will be the last day I’ll see them; we hugged and promised that we will bond again. Now, even from afar, we still talk together through online communication.

Moving on, I decided to continue my studies in Laguna at an IT school named AMA Computer College-Calamba campus. Taking science, technology, engineering, and mathematics strand. For the last 2 academic years, senior high school has been very challenging yet fun for me. I’ve made new friends. I had come to learn to be more independent. It has been a year of learning as well. And though it was tough, I am grateful, especially to God, my friends, and family who have always been there to help and support me. I am hoping there will be more wonderful, exciting and blessed experiences to come in my journey through life.

For now, I am currently a student in second year at City College of Calamba, taking an IT course. I am grateful for experiencing college life, still in progress until I graduated. This period of time is not that easy as an adult. I'm always thinking about my future and whether I will be successful. Many responsibilities will come, so I should be ready to face them. Today, this pandemic has had a major effect on our lives. Many of us are facing challenges that can be stressful and that can cause strong emotions in adults and children. One of the major effects is education. Many students are struggling with their modules and online classes, and some of them are worsening their mental health conditions. I hope this pandemic ends soon.

Now, I’m focusing on the things I like. First on the list is my love for arts. I draw a lot. I love creating portrait and anime drawings. I wish to be recognized someday as one of the popular artists in the world. I also like taking pictures with my smart phone usually through selfies or groufies with my friends and taking pictures of sunset and post it on my Instagram or Facebook accounts. A lot of people say that I have skills in photography. Someday, I also wish to have a dslr camera. Definitely, my life will not be complete without sports. Badminton is first on my sports list which I started playing since childhood. Second is playing volleyball. I also love playing strategic games like chess and dama. I also dance and I consider it as my passion. I like watching hip-hop and urban dance videos because it really makes me happy. As a result, I’m become a fan of Matt Steffanina and Sean Lew for the reason that they are the great dancers and choreographers and that they keep inspiring the people in the field of dance. I’m also a certified music lover and I can’t live without it. I play music that fits me when travelling, feeling alone, feeling sad and feeling bored. Music is my source of happiness. Just by plugging the earphones, you can easily forget the world.

After all, I feel blessed and I’m thankful for the good things that had come into my life and for all my friends and my family who never fails to put a smile on my face. In life, we commit mistakes but always put in mind the things we learned from it. There will always be a bad days and problems will come into your life but never give up and always stick of the positive side of life! There will be a way to solve it and let our God guide you always.

I want to thank you for reading and I hope I made you smile :) Have a nice day! :D